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lulusoblue · 2 years

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What would you say is your favorite thing about Bioshock infinite? I beat it for the first time recently; real mixed bag there for me, and I’m interested in what draws other people to it.

(ok sorry for the delay on this but I really had to think on this)

I guess my favourite thing overall about it is the nostalgia? Weird to say but whenever I play it I just feel comfortable because it reminds me of when it first came out and I was only just on tumblr and how talking about it lead me to my closest friends in my social circles? It's also a semi-collectathon like the other BioShocks or Dishonored, just looking around in corners for lockpicks, money, audio diaries, little setups of props that tell a story you could easily miss. Y'know, the lore.

And so that I don't clog anyone's dashboard, here's a read more as I ramble (I'm sorry I can't help it this is an ask that genuinely got the hamster in my head to start working the wheel thank you), because I can't speak for sure what draws other people to it but I can speculate on what drew us all in around the time of release.

So it's been nearly a decade and pretty much everyone has agreed there are aspects about Infinite that did not age well up to today. How the Vox Populi were handled, the combat system, how they tried to create a BioShock framework to link the alternate universes, Burial at Sea... plenty was not implemented to the greatest potential, and since then we've learned more about what happened behind the scenes and it's no surprise some things were so messy.

However, at the time, Infinite was a bit of a breakthrough for a Triple A title. Your mileage may have varied, but there were just things about it that made it differ from other Triple A games at the time.

Introducing the Multiverse

Main thing was how the story went into things like multiverse theory and the idea of constants and variables, which was a great jumping-off point for future Shock titles and helped connect back to System Shock, what BioShock spiritually succeeded. It wasn't the best use of multiverse theory and certainly wasn't the first, when we had things like Fringe or His Dark Materials, and not everyone liked how Infinite handled it.

On the other hand, I think it's one of the alternate-history timeline pieces of media that helped popularise the idea, and fit with BioShock's previous alternate-history stories with how the first two games had some subtle hints of it with certain characters being involved in historical events. And, again, before the DLC episodes came out, it really opened up potential for how the series could go forward with the idea that a BioShock game didn't need to continue directly from Rapture or Columbia, but an entirely new "impossible" city with similar elements.

People got excited and connected the roles of characters between games - Jack, Eleanor and Elizabeth being key characters raised by antagonists to fulfill their wishes/legacies; if the Man could be the role of the protagonist of titles or the founders of these fantastic cities; the cities both having people in charge abusing their power and acting on ideals warped by going into the extreme, leading to the populace falling into chaos as they tear the city from the inside out; how when certain people get given a power that goes against nature to do whatever they want, they use it how they want to devastating effect - it was the idea of all these possibilites and connections, similarities and differences that I think really buzzed about in the fandom early on.

I think when Burial at Sea was finished it put a damper on things like the theorising, because at first it was sort of railroading not just Elizabeth's character and ambiguous future, but both 1 and Infinite's overall fates. Infinite was no longer a flawed standalone, it was now a prequel to BioShock... but also ran alongside it? Rapture in BaS is the primary timeline... but the bond between Big Daddies and Little Sisters are completely different now? Fink had people fishing for ADAM slugs from the sky?? Drinkable ADAM took 10 times the amount of injectables, and Fink and Suchong still make a limited resource drinkable???

Needless to say, the whole multiverse vibe of Infinite getting dropped in Burial at Sea left a negative impression on a lot of people, I noticed it a lot on here because I was the deepest in the salt mines and yet plenty were still fond of Infinite so... Burial at Sea just got disowned. I remember someone saying Levine had said BaS wasn't canonical, and to this day I cannot for the life of me find real evidence that he ever stated this, but a bunch of us clung to that and the fact that whatever Levine didn't understand in the original game he either still didn't understand or just didn't care about with the DLCs.

We also viserally hated BaS for pretending 2 never happened.

It's Just So Goddamn Pretty and Charming

Weird thing to say for a BioShock game, I know, but Infinite was pretty much tumblr gifset gold, and its graphics are probably what aged the best of everything in the game.

Not to say Rapture didn't have any beauty to it, but it was very much leaning into a haunting and deteriorating aesthetic, 1 having the immediate aftermath of a city gone to ruin and 2 showing the ocean slowly seeping in to reclaim its space. You could soak in (haha) the environment of a city long since dead, come across props placed deliberately to tell a story without words, with that little hint of survival horror where a splicer might walk in and catch you off-guard.

Columbia was a very different experience, there was sunlight and sky and clouds and floating buildings and people walking about going on with their day. The levels where you get to put your weapons down and just play walking simulator for however long you want are probably the better levels. In general, Columbia has a lot of well-done atmosphere and moments where a player can just stop and take a screenshot for their desktop later. It was an still is a visual treat, and the general artstyle of BioShock as a franchise not being super realistic and being somewhat stylised really helped the games age well. Even the massive hands of NPCs and the horrifying children of Columbia have their own charm to them.

And on that note of charming, the characters themselves had charm to them, be it in short audio logs or through the story with recurring characters. All the games get their charm from the audio diaries because they inform the overall story in some small aspect and add to putting you in the time period and setting of the story, as well as the attitudes of characters then. Honestly I never get enough of walking through the welcoming level and overhearing people talking in this cheery tone where the subject matter of conversations starts to become slowly off, or how an NPC will comment on finding Booker attractive when it's entirely possible that not 30 seconds ago Booker was rummaging in the trash and found loose change and a pineapple.

And you might be wondering if things like these were really that great, and in 2013? Yes. Yes, they were great. Why? Because it was 2013 and everything was brown. (or at least it felt like it) Mainstream games were varying shades of sepia tone and mud-brown because war or something, it wasn't ALL games but for triple A titles it felt like they thought spilling coffee on the camera was a style choice. Characters as well, they were either bland or assholes, I could articulate better if my brain wasn't white noise surrounding the before times, but it felt like western-made games like Calladuty Shootaman were just devoid of colour or charisma unless you were a BioWare game.

With Infinite, its bright colours and characters with... well, character (for better or worse put a pin in that), were a breath of fresh air for those generally playing it, even if some of the charm came from NPCs being blatantly bigoted in that old-timey voice (which really Infinite is not the only piece of media to do that).

And you're going to sigh for me saying it, because it makes me sound like a stan again, but another big factor in making it Infinite charming and different was... Elizabeth.

Yes, Elizabeth

Women in games weren't really treated as characters in the early 2010s, particularly in Triple As. It was a particularly misogynistic time in gaming in pretty much all areas; within the game narrative, behind the scenes in a game's development, and ESPECIALLY in fandom.

If a character was female and feminine, then she was either going to be a useless damsel just there to be a nuisance or to serve as a slutty mcslutterson just there to be sexy and/or bang the main character (or for bonus points, be punished for her sexy, slutty crimes). Like, any instance of a female character where her boobs were just existing meant some kind of misogyny was heading her way. It all just lead to pushback of being a girl and girly, like the only way to make a female character feel like she had a point or had worth was to make her a hardass and just as misogynistic "I'm not like other girls" as the men.

so Elizabeth being the emotional core of Infinite was pretty 'groundbreaking' at the time, for lack of a better term. She was feminine, she was girly, but she wasn't a useless damsel because of her gameplay design to assist the player, and she wasn't a slutty mcslutterson because she's never sexually available to the main character. Hell, she IS the main character in a way, Booker's just her bodyguard.

Escort missions were treated with the utmost disdain (a big reason why people chose to shit on BioShock 2 when it's entirely optional after one tutorial), and women were treated like eye candy, sexy lamps, or romantic interests/sex objects for the player character in more linear titles. So in terms of a giiiirl in a main role, Elizabeth was something new people into games and gaming culture; her escort mission didn't have annoying mechanics leading to fail states, and she was treated as her own character first and not as a romantic or sexual interest for the main character. She was allowed to just be, with interests and skills and agency in the story.

Triple A titles and the developers behind them just didn't seem to know how to write or design female characters beyond what would entertain what they believed was the main demographic; horny dudebros. If you want a quick example, the Mass Effect series was a big hit with its first two installments, being a space opera with some horny-on-main showing *cough*Asari*cough,* but nothing too egregious for games at the time and nothing as bad as other stuff out there. Then we had Mass Effect 3, a game that like Infinite was the third game in a surprise hit franchise given the Triple A treatment, and released not a year before. And returning female characters had designs that... well... choices were made, some more egregiously boggling than others. Biggest example would be Ashley Williams, whose new wardrobe didn't fit her established character in previous games.

Fans weren't fooled, because Ashley is a character who went on record to say she was comfortable with her femininity as she was while dressing appropriately as a soldier. While not stated, the obvious reason for the redesign was to make her look more like Miranda Lawson from the previous game, whose sexy appearance is actually part of her character and comfort in her sexuality. They literally changed Ashley's appearance from wearing practical uniform to a catsuit with a miniskirt for the sake of titillation for a potential new audience. And to be clear, it isn't that sexy characters are inherently bad or badly written. It's that developers and writers usually picked the wrong time to sexualise said characters, i.e. "there's a time and a place for a butt shot, and a scene where this woman is asking for help on a personal matter isn't it."

But anyway without going further off-topic, Game companies wanted to sell games and when it came to women in games, they believed that sex sold, hence female characters in games being sexualised with it rarely informing their characters or serving anything beyond titillation for a presumed male demographic.

Infinite seemed to be on that track with Elizabeth's demo appearance, where her bust was much bigger and she sounded a lot older, but looking at iterations of Elizabeth over time up to the final game, it becomes clear that the people behind Elizabeth were actively trying to avoid having her fall into that sexualisation, or at least any further than she already was. They made her breasts smaller and changed the bodice of her dress to her corset, keeping the blue dress that was by that point iconic while also modifying it to something that Elizabeth clearly would not wear by choice. They gave her her sailor-style dress for two thirds of the game so that players could connect with her more for her personality and story.

And, to top it off, the game is actively laughing at you for trying to ogle Elizabeth, after an age of games where the male gaze was encouraged. When there's a scripted scene, the camera keeps focus on Elizabeth's face and not her body. A player can't walk up flush to her to stare at her chest or her butt because her hitbox is pretty big and she will keep moving out of the way. You can't look up her skirt because it's too long, you can't get a view as she jumps off a skyline because she's too quick and even if you get it glitching out, Elizabeth's character models don't even have any legs above her knees (which for saving polygons is common in most games but that's not the topic). Hell, the ONE time a player can "successfully" try to be a perv to her exposed skin is when she's tied to the operating table at Comstock House, and aside from not being able to get too close, you know what the devs did? They defocus Elizabeth if you try to use your sights on her.

youtube

(from 08:23 to 08:57)

Most games at the time would not bother to put up this much resistance to players being gross horndogs, even as a joke like in the playthrough above. At first with Infinite and Elizabeth it was like "haha they cockblocked us lol", but in hindsight it feels more and more like it was pushing back against objectifying the emotional core of Infinite wherever possible, like the devs wanted people to view Elizabeth as a character first.

Honestly? Elizabeth wasn't the greatest example of how to treat a main character who was a woman in games, but she was one of the characters that at least pushed people in the direction of handling women and their writing better in future. Most people, anyway.

I'm gonna cover this separately in another post on the topic, but my friends and I are usually just baffled at how much the attitude towards Elizabeth has changed today, because while there are instances of dodgey writing with her story, Elizabeth is one of the characters that helped push narratives in gaming towards drinking their Respect Women Juice, because for all the "critiques" about her appearance and her role in the story... I can only think of what games were like around the time and I just

And just to cover my bases...

Yeah, the Narrative About Racism Was Pretty Racist Itself

With the subject of the Vox Populi and Daisy and the "both sides can be monstrous" way that plotline got ended unceremoniously, I don't believe it was written with any malicious intent (though I wouldn't argue if I was proven wrong on that, who knows what else we're missing behind the scenes). How the racism is handled has aged the poorest and is very much a deal-breaker for some players today, but with the context of when the game was made and released, I think they were trying to be sincere without completely understanding what they were getting into. Unfortunately with most media by white people, it's down to ignorance.

It did not help Infinite's case either that later that year, Black Lives Matter started, and with that movement more attention was given to black voices speaking out about stereotypes and portrayals of black characters in media, including in BioShock Infinite. I don't believe the people behind Infinite meant any harm in their portrayals of Daisy and the Vox. It doesn't mean it wasn't wrong or justifiable, but given the general lack of diversity in game companies at the time it's at best understandable how they and some players of Infinite would have missed the mark on a subject like racism. When it comes to racism, it's a lot deeper and a lot less PC than a white writer would want to get into if they weren't genuinely dedicated to showing the truth and ugliness of the topic, which Levine was not, because Infinite was not a story meant to be about racism at the end of the day.

I think with the demos, while the Vox were clearly antagonists, the reason for them being antagonists was a lot better than what we got. It's how they were always intended if we believe what was shown, and we might not know exactly how they went from that to being "the good guys get the means to fight the bad guys, but in doing so they become the bad guys". It was a mistake, and on some level we KNOW Levine knows it was a mistake by Burial at Sea Episode Two's development at latest, given how he tries to retcon Daisy's reasons for holding a child at gun point (which isn't better it's just. another flavour of "bad").

tl;dr, In Conclusion, yada yada

Overall, I feel so many people still like BioShock Infinite today because of what it kind of did for gaming along with other titles released back in 2013. It got lots of mainstream attention for a game that wasn't Call of Warfare or Modern Duty, which was what people expected from first-person-shooters a lot of the time. It was also one of the titles out there pushing for the argument that video games could be artistic and hold deeper meaning and stories, even if with Infinite your mileage may vary. It was part of the "you HAVE to try this game" list of experiences, and it's stuck to those people even if it hasn't gotten on too graceful with time.

I feel like it was a net positive at least with how it treated the main girl of the game and how fans reacted. Yes, there were plenty of horny dudebroes and creeps drawing fanart because the internet never ceases to surprise, but a lot of people fell in love with her for being a female character that got better treatment than most, both in-story and in fandom. Plenty of other women in games may have had better stories and characters and mechanics than Elizabeth, I won't argue that, but again, this was a woman in a game for a mainstream audience at a time where women were either a sex object or a punchline in popularly consumed media, particularly online.

You know what, I'm changing my favourite thing about Infinite. My favourite thing about it was that it shone a spotlight on the whole series. Something that was an ironic positive was how, after Infinite came out, people started viewing BioShock 2 a lot more favourably, either by comparison to Infinite because it felt weaker in certain elements, or by revisiting / first-time-playing the games, especially when the remastered version in the BioShock Collection was released. Infinite being such a big success financially prompted 2K to try and make more money by bringing the older games to the next console generation, which brought the whole series to a wider audience. And it was damn good to see BioShock 2 get a new perspective that was heaps more positive than when it was released, it was always a shame to me that online circles treated it like trash since it was the first game in the series I played until completion (I just couldn't get into combat for BioShock 1 at the time).

I'm sorry for making this so long and sorry if there are points that don't seem clear or make sense, it was too fun and brain-excercising to not go into why so many people still like this game. Well at least the reasons that wouldn't require me to retire at 30 from exhaustion and mental breakdowns anyway.

#bioshock #bioshock infinite #long post #theluckoftheclaws #just me sitting here praying i didn't go too off-the-rails with this one #i get incoherent when i rant or infodump

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davidmariottecomics · 1 year

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The Continuity Conundrum

Hey, welcome back!

As so often happens, I was scrolling through Twitter one day over the winter break and saw the very talented up-and-coming artist Kara Huset post a couple of polls about whether or not the Big 2, Marvel & DC, are due for a reboot. A lot very thoughtful and passionate takes from the people commenting. A little while later, I saw a post I can't source now because I've lost it talking about the idea of elastic continuity and the importance of being able to let it have give and take when you need it for the story you're telling. And then this morning I saw a very good thread from Comrade Bullski on Twitter about the strangeness around the history of the Justice Society of America, tracking them from being the first super-team to being one of the first major retcons in comics that made them from another universe to their extended runs that kept them locked in the past up to the one decade where they basically got to just be a modern day superteam with everyone else and beyond.

Understandably, all of this got me thinking about the value of continuity in comics and the ways in which it serves to enhance and restrict the medium. So, I want to talk about that: the good, the bad, the compelling reasons to throw it out entirely and the reasons it is often one of the most helpful tools a creator can have in their corner.

I've Done a Couple of Hard Relaunches

While I don't usually bring out my bona fides on something like this, I do think in this particular case, they speak to where I'm coming from so we're all starting at the same understanding. I have spent an awful lot of my career in comics working on bring new life and direction to existing, long-running titles. Notably, in 2019, we launched a brand new Transformers universe, often referred to as IDW 2.0, that stood on it's own from all other TF iterations, particularly our previous 13 year run. In 2018, we launched Sonic the Hedgehog, again, a brand-new version of the series totally separated from the last 24 year run with another publisher. I've been involved in standalones for various mini-series and OGNs, revivals of long dormant franchises, and general cleaning-up of stories that didn't always mesh together but that were in need of having some connective tissue. I have preserved continuity, helped build new ones, and have thrown it out completely when it was to the benefit of the story. Having met it in all it's forms, I think I have an insight that not everyone working in this industry does.

Real Quick: What is Continuity?

Again, just so we're working from the same terms. Continuity is the way in which past, present, and future events are connected and their meaning is reinforced as a form of consistency. It applies at all sizes of scales. It can be as simple as making sure that if a thug is drawn holding a knife in his right hand in one panel, in subsequent panels that depict the same thug, he continues to be holding the knife and/or righthanded unless an action in the story requires differently. And when we're talking about characters who have publishing histories of 8 decades or so, continuity allows for the events of previous stories to be remembered and reused in telling current and future stories.

So What's so Bad About it? The big issue that people will point to with continuity is that it is daunting. Action Comics has been published off-and-on for 85 years and over 1050 issues. The characters featured have had many decades and many thousands of other stories published about them outside of that particular comic, that are often still considered meaningful and true to Action Comics. From the exterior, if you thought to enjoy the latest issue, you had to know the exact events of all those other thousands of issues, not because they are necessarily relevant but because they could be, that would be a lot.

When you're telling a story, you often want to make the accessibility threshold low. By being clear and concise, you allow more readers/viewers/whatever to hop in and engage with the work. As more work gets added to continuity, it continues to raise the bar on the accessibility threshold, which can be a major turn-off to potential new readers and returning readers who don't remember/know/have full context for all the details.

It is a system that inherently gets more complicated and convoluted each time a new work is added. It is a dense thing to sort through, often to the point of being impenetrable.

It is also a very flawed system. While the idea is that continuity is supposed to clarify and solidify events in relation to each other, it makes contradictory information very obvious--whether that's two events happening simultaneously when they can't possibly be to rewriting and sometimes ejecting previous stories for the new story to make sense. Taking the earlier example I shared of the Justice Society of America, things that had to be altered at various points included whether or not it made sense for there to be multiple Bruce Wayne Batmans and Clark Kent Supermans, whether or not the JSA existed before the JLA in a single universe, how the JSA members maintained their relative youth despite having been adults fighting in World War II. If they were in their 20s to 40s in the 1940s, that puts them in their 100s now, for the most part, though they still primarily look like they're in their 40s to 60s at the latest.

All-in-all, the problems primarily come to the amount of responsibility that you want to give to creators and readers alike to know the details and the legitimacy of stories (including the making illegitimate of other people's stories) that is built into the system.

Okay, So What Happens if We Get Rid of it?

If you throw continuity out, it often opens up your options. I look at say, the DC young readers books, all of which operate in their own worlds, maybe linked to other volumes by the same creators or loosely tied with someone else's work, but they are largely standalone and easily accessible because of it. Prior knowledge is a tough ask and removing that barrier can open up the story to new audiences.

Open interpretation also can help give characters new life. Before the past decade, if you liked Gwen Stacy, you basically had a handful of Spider-Man comics in the 1970s that she starred in without being the main character, and then the occasional revisiting of that time in stories that reinterpreted/retold it (Spider-Man: Blue) or that changed the circumstances of those stories, often in ill-informed ways (there's a lot of weird stuff with Gwen, Norman Osborn, and the Jackal...). Now, she's Spider-Gwen/Spider-Woman/Ghost Spider, and she's the hero of her stories and she's in a cool band and she's got her own universe of stories. The flip side to that being, so much of what informs the Spider-Gwen stories, particularly the early ones, is being framed in contrast to the understood continuity. It is about how things are different from what the expectation is or how they worked in the Spider-Man comics. So even when you remove a character from the trappings of continuity--you open them up to reinterpretation and not having to be constrained by certain "fixed" events, they are often still subject to it because their story is told is other to what is established.

And therein lies the big issue with why it's so hard to fully remove continuity. Continuity is shared information. For as much as it can be a headache, it can also be a bridge to mutual understandings, and a way of texts interacting and responding to each other. For as much as it raises the bar of the accessibility threshold, it also adapts to create new connection points throughout the publishers' history that aids other readers and creators in bringing things together.

But You Said You had Done Some Reboots I did. And it was hard. There are things that will get left behind: characters, characterizations, ideas, plots, growth, that may never get picked up again in an official capacity. And that's a bummer. But when I've done it, the trade-off has always been quickly starting to establish a new continuity and deciding what pre-existing knowledge to play off of--it may not be in continuity with anything else, but what do we expect the audience to understand about the world or the story that helps ease their burden because they can make more connections more quickly? I've been pretty proud of the answers the teams I've worked with have come up with.

Lastly, as a note, I want to touch on "elastic continuity" again, which I think maybe is often the most helpful thing. The idea of elastic continuity is that the details can be adjusted as long as the spirit is true. If Punisher and Iron Man were both still in the Vietnam War, similar to what happened to the JSA, it would make them much older in the current comics than they're usually depicted. And so the war that Punisher served in and that Iron Man was injured in changes with the times, to keep that central part of their story true while fitting better for the ease of access to a modern reader.

Not to sound inconclusive, but I think there are advantages to reboots. I think there are advantages to sticking with existing continuities. I think often the deciding factor is how much is getting cut or written out or otherwise "lost" (not that most media is actually lost nowadays) relative to how inviting the changes are. And if you are a person looking to work on a property and in a position to pitch something, keep all that in mind when suggesting starting over.

Talk to you next week!

What I enjoyed this week: Vaccine booster (Enjoyed is maybe a strong word, I was out sick the next day, but I do like being vaccinated for the safety of myself and others), Blank Check (Podcast), The Menu (Movie), Chainsaw Man (Manga), Honkai Impact (Video game), Shin Megami Tensei III (Video Game), Nancy (Comic strip), Abbott Elementary (TV show), White Noise (Movie), Sweat & Soap (Manga, finally actually finished it and it was delightful!)

New Releases this week (1/11/2022): Godzilla Rivals II: Rodan vs. Ebirah (Editor) Godzilla: Monsters & Protectors - All Hail the King #4 (Editor)

New releases next week (1/18/2022): Sonic the Hedgehog: Scrapnik Island #4 (Editor)

Announcements: Arizona Comic Book Arts Festival - 2/25! It's a one day comic-focused event in Phoenix, AZ. Tickets are only $10. Attending artists include me, Becca (who once again is dropping some new stuff on their Patreon, see below), Mitch Gerads, Steve Rude, John Layman, Henry Barajas, Jay Fotos, Jeff Mariotte, Marcy Rockwell, John Yurcaba, Andrew MacLean, Alexis Zirrit, Meredith McClaren, James Owen, Ryan Cody, and many more! Come and see us! Becca'll have some very cool new merch, too!

Pic of the Week: Becca made this wallpaper of their character, Drew, publicly available from their Twitter to use as a phone wallpaper. They have more wallpapers as well as an alternate version of this art on their Patreon. They're doing weekly art prompts this year, so there's going to be a lot of art coming! Check it out!

#comics #comics editorial #continuity #superheroes #karahuset #justice society of america #jsa #bunny girl #beccabeean #arizona comic book arts festival #idw

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joeyjoeylee · 1 year

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I loved BSOTL! I think about Gretchen saying "Super Best Tiger" on the daily and giggle to myself. My cat side eyes me.

I wanted to know if you had plans to write more Brio or write anything in general?

Anon, you've made me Grinch Smile thinking of Gretchen and her never-ending exasperation with her Boss slash Little Brother-Cousin she will always partially see as a 5-year-old trailing after her annoying her 🤣 🤣 Putting answer under a cut b/c I may word vomit:

I've written a bunch and it's funny you mention Gretchen, b/c I just checked and I'm up over 5K words into her POV companion to the series. (4K into Annie's, 3K into Courtney's, etc.)

I had also started imagining a canon-jumpoff AU where everything is the same except for Beth/Rio meeting a couple years down the road instead when she is shiny newly-minted Super Go-getter City Councilwoman Trying to Do "Local Business Outreach" For the Community (and her public profile/own benefit natch) and he is Local [Crime] Business Owner wanting to work this situation [her, the connections, her, more money, her] to his benefit now that Nick is in jail and Rio no longer has that previous protection on the City Council. I wrote one chapter there and it is 2K words of basically Beth/Rio's first meeting, staring fixedly and obsessively at each other across his desk trying to figure each other out (this means "manipulate each other") while Mick stands silently behind Rio totally ignored by both, desperately thinking, please. stop this immediately. I can already see this is the worst idea ever. please. I'm so tired already. please.

My actual finishing/posting problems with all this are both micro and macro tho:

Experiencing plotting issues with the other POV structures that I can't quite figure out how to fix. Should they all go together, chronologically, weaving back and forth from like Gretchen to Annie to Gardner, etc. (which means something could be revealed in like, the Annie one covering the summer between 1L/2L that would be picked up in a Gretchen one later) or each one standalone covering the entire time period of watching the Brio trainwreck? How realistic are some of scenes given they would only have information they had personally witnessed or been told about by two unreliable narrators? Too much detail and backstory into the own POVs making them too OC (original character AND out-of-character) and not enough focus on Brio? Making each a standalone "arc" (I know I'm not using the right words here as I'm not enough of a creative writer to articulate it) with beginning, tension, resolution, to stand in their own rights given how long they are or just break them into vignettes?

Lingering never-leaving thought that I need to break off from my one "story" and do something new, so I pick up the outside POVs, then tell myself "stop! be more creative!" and drop them again.

The other POV thing has been done so much better by much better authors. I'm thinking of femalegothic's On the Outside Looking In and mego42's listening through the air shaft (and tooshyforthis’s AITA for wanting to stop paying my wife’s ‘business partner’ and yelling at her? Dean POV literally the most original hysterically perfect format that I’ve ever seen with these two eyes and I think about it at least weekly and laugh) all the time and the others I've read over the years and not sure it's even worth it to try to make a pale copy of those.

Pandemic/quarantine being "over" means I'm back in my thousands of people public office full-time which is a nonstop chaotic energy drag on this lifelong Introvert such that I come home every night and just want to mindlessly scroll Reddit/Tumblr and look at pretty pictures and read brilliant other writers, not actually ROUSING myself to concentrate and contribute anything myself (my default state tbh). During quarantine, I could block off hours at a time to try to immerse myself into writing uninterrupted and now I just don't have that. I wish I could be like other people who can furiously write during like, the 5 interminable minutes before the latest Zoom call starts, but I really can't. I need it to be uninterrupted blocks of time with no other distractions or it ain't happening.

Continual (inexplicable) internal pressure that if I start something, I must finish it such that I don't really want to post a WIP and have it hanging over my head unfinished. It's funny, I was scrolling back through my late summer 2020 Tumblr the other day trying to find something and saw that I had estimated early on that I would post BSOTL a chapter every two weeks. That is HI-larious in hindsight given the gap between the later chapters. But I had the spirit back then and thought I could get it done quickly. Now with the series no longer active and the fandom much quieter such that I'm not being reminded of this hyperfixation at all times, I'd fear I'd let things lag even more, and ya girl would be eaten alive by the "unfinished" aspect of the whole shebang such that it's better not to post at all.

Feeling that the fandom has "moved on" so to speak, which obviously is totally understandable given the passage of time, but makes me think I should "move on" as well into some new obsession and focus energy there (have not found this yet, open to all suggestions as to what to fixate on now instead!)

This is more than you wanted to know, Anon, so I am sorry as per usual. If I do get anything polished up enough tho, I will either post promptly I promise or ask you for a burner email and just send it to you so I can feel like I accomplished something lol.

Thanks again for the note, I'm really glad something I wrote gives you a regular giggle - makes me happy!

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theliterarygnat · 1 month

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THE SHADOW OF THE GODS BY JOHN GWYNNE

2.5-3/5 stars | Major Spoilers Should have been three decent books instead of one that's kinda shit

____________________________________

This is a long review, full of spoilers, and it is more a way to vent than something meant to help readers decide whether they want to pick up this book or not. I am of the very unpopular opinion that while this book has some solid concepts behind it, their implementation and execution is not really that good. However, this novel still resonated with many people, and so I do not think that my dislike/lack of enjoyment should be a discouragement to those interested.

There are things worth enjoying in this book. The Shadow of the Gods (henceforth TSOTG) features a world inspired by the old North of the viking ages, and this Norse aesthetic is extremely strong throughout. If you liked The Witcher by Andrzej Sapkowski for its mood, its cynical realist setting, and the melancholy tone throughout (especially in the short story collections), then I think you will find the world and setting of TSOTG to be very compelling. John Gwynne is a reenactor and it shows, both in the enthusiasm and detail with which he writes, and the incredible amount of research and inspiration that has been packed into this book. Every page seems to have been a labor of love and joy. Daniel Greene of BookTube fame has described TSOTG as “an author’s baby” (pos.), “something that the author has wanted to put out for so long” and I do agree with this assessment!

However. Unlike Greene, who came to this conclusion because he enjoyed the book, I had the very same thought because I was questioning whether this book or not was Gwynne’s debut. I never read Gwynne, this being my first book from him, and I knew nothing about him before I picked up the book solely based on the cover and the blurb. While reading the story I did actually look up whether Gwynne was established as an author or had published anything, because there were many things on a conceptual or a executive level that felt somewhat juvenile and maybe even inept; they just seemed to me to be hallmarks of a beginner author. He did publish many works before this, but like Greene said, it feels like Gwynne has worked on this book for so long I wonder if the concept predates the books that predate this one.

My closing thoughts for this non-spoiler introduction is this: go to your local library or pirate a copy of this online, and if you can get through like 100 or so pages, consider buying it (if you pirated a copy). The build-up is slow, but I think if you accept it and can get through that 100 pages, you might find at least some nuggets to enjoy here.

Now, on to the spoilers, and the vent proper:

This book is SO frustrating. Whilst reading I so often thought to myself that this could have been good had these stories and characters been explored in standalone novels in a much bigger series rather than a trilogy. Much of the weakness of this story comes from the lack of pagetime and space to build things up proper and give them a satisfying pay-off. The stories of the characters also do not connect in such big ways that the multi-POV gimmick is useful in any way; there is little to no overlap in characters, locations, events, or themes, and especially in the beginning there is a drastic difference in the pace of the three stories, which messes with the pacing of TSOTG as a whole. This lack of interconnectedness makes the multi-POV structure extremely tiring. I find it unnecessary and, as my rating and previous words imply, I think it detracts from what Gwynne could have achieved.

The characters we follow are: Orka, a mother and warrior; Varg, an escaped thrall (slave); and Elvar, a mercenary slaver. I think that Orka’s story should have been told first, Varg’s second, and Elvar should have just been removed and replaced wholesale, or at the very least overhauled as a character in her entirety. I will talk about each POV character on their own first, with general notes and criticisms included in each section as they become relevant, with more prose and world-building-related thoughts afterwards.

ORKA

Orka is the first POV character. Her story is slow to start, but it goes through three stages: living the normal life, the inciting incident, the revenge plot. This not an unusual structure, but it being interjected with Varg’s and Elvar’s POVs, all of which have started at different point sin their lives, develop at different paces, does make it feel slower than it already is. The multi-POVs distract and detract from each other rather than supporting each other, and I felt it gruesomely when it came to Orka. It is not that I disliked her chapters, but I felt like the thought put into the development and presentation of her story has suffered the most because of how little space there was to explore it.

With Orka, I think that laying the groundwork pre-inciting incident is important. Mostly because it’s almost necessary for the revenge plot to be enjoyable. Orka has built for herself a life as peaceful as this world has to offer with her husband, Thorkel, and her son, Breca. We learn throughout her POV that Orka and Thorkel both have at some point been thralls and warriors, bloodied and brutal and violent, and they have left that life behind. Thorkel with more success than Orka. She is still haunted by her past, and it actually affects her ability to be a good mother. She is emtoionally stunted and prone to lashing out, either in words or in actions, such as slapping Brace, because she was worried and angry that he’d run off in the night to tend to an injured monster-critter when they know they are child-abductors around. Thorkel is actually the one with emotional intelligence, who shows the greatest range of emotions and care and gentle affection. It’s an interesting dynamic, especially because Orka appreciates this fact about her husband. Respects and desires it for herself even. While I didn’t find their relationship to be particularly romantic or appealing, I did like that Orka was the one that was struggling to be a good parent.

Exploring her in her time of peace and as a parent is very important, because the revenge-plot is not about her growth, it is about her regression. And therein lies the greatest frustration: this exploration is shitty.

From the very first chapter, the reader knows exactly where the story is going. Gwynne is very heavy-handed when it comes to Orka and Varg. With Orka, it is abundantly clear that her inciting incident, what will set her off to join Varg and Elvar at some point, is the death of her husband and the abduction of her child. Gwynne then tries very hard to get you to care about Thorkel the husband and Breca the son, and it so clear that he needs you to care about them, that he is going out of his way to make them appealing. He makes Thorkel a whipped husband and a caring, gentle father; Breca an inquisitive child too kind and soft for this world. Because I already knew where Orka’s story was going and what would happen to these characters, I found myself growing frustrated that it was taking us so long to actually get to the point, and I actually disliked the characters because of how hamfisted they felt.

The inciting incident of Orka’s story is also the main reason why I thought this had been Gwynne’s first novel ever written. It hinges on the existence of Froa; a tree spirit that guards Orka’s family and home, whom Orka respects enough to seek advice from when territorial tensions rise and war seems imminent. Because Orka goes to get that advice, she leaves her steading and family for a little while, and during that little while, her home gets raided, Thorkel killed, and Breca is abducted.

Froa is introduced in the very same chapter her existence leads to the biggest turning point in Orka’s story, and we don’t even get to see her; she’s dead. Froa is literally nothing but her supposed existence has a massive impact. She comes out of fucking nowhere and feels like something Gwynne pulled out of his ass to get Orka out of her home. The fact he couldn’t find something more organic or relevant to what was going on in Orka’s story so far was honestly mindboggling and made me stop reading for some time. It is such a beginner’s mistake. I can understand that the concept might have been “the most horrible things can happen for the most insignificant reasons”, but this was not the best execution.

After Orka’s inciting incident, Orka quickly starts to regress. It is obvious that she is returning to her old ways. It gets extremely cheesy and even outright campy sometimes, because you will get lines of Orka thinking “I am death. I am vengeance”, and it reads like a meme. It’s just… not really that good? But at least it seems kind of in character for her, which cannot be said for some other things that I will explore more indepth in a different section. The main saving grace of Orka’s story is that she has two sidekicks, Mord and Lif, who play off of her quite decently. They showcase her as something of a grouchy old aunt, which gives her more dimension than if she had been left alone. However, I see many readers say she becomes very flat, and yeah; her reactions are predictable, her brash nature can get boring, and her regression isn’t the most compelling or even terrifying because of how shallow the exploration of her character had been in the build-up to the vengeance. Still, Orka is one of the more enjoyable POV characters. She and her story would have made for a good standalone book, if Gwynne took the time to develop and pace and plan the story out better, changing the order of events and injecting some more life and thought into the early story.

VARG

My beloved. He would have been a wonderful 2nd installment if TSOTG got split into three distinct books; his story ties into Orka’s in the very last chapter in such a way that we actually meet her again, and there are some small bridges connecting his tale with both Orka or Elvar’s stories, making him a good mid-point between the two. He is honestly the best thing about this book.

While the stakes in Orka’s story were foreshadowed in a very heavy-handed way, Varg keeps nothing secret; the reader knows immediately what his deal is (runaway slave looking for a way to learn who killed his sister so he can avenge her) and what the stakes are (getting caught and forced back into slavery if he fails). That isn’t to say that his story isn’t weak or that it is exceptionally strong. I just have a preference for his archetype, and I found him extremely compelling and sympathetic due to his circumstances. I was enamoured enough that his sister’s death didn’t register to me as fridging, even though I wouldn’t deny that it can fit into that trope commonly found in men’s stories.

The thing about Varg is this; his vengeance is his driving motivation, but it is not really the point of his story. Varg quickly falls in with the Bloodsworn, a warband of warriors who protect him from his potential slavers and accept him into their midst, teaching him how to fight and be a part of the team. Varg is adorably absent-minded; he forgets to put on his helmet and unsheathe his spear in his first big fight, but he still has the guts to try unconventional attack-strategies, and this works out well for him. He has this scrappy, kicked-dog feel about him. He is also very obviously not just a human; I had theorized from the very beginning that he was one of the Tainted, and it is made almost painfully obvious to the reader. This got tiring, but not as outright frustrating as him constantly passing out at the end of his chapters. Did it happen in every single one? No. Did it happen often enough to be annoying? Yes.

But I am getting off-topic. While every single thing Varg does and goes along with is, in the end, motivated by his quest for vengeance, his story is more about him finding his way in the world, about becoming a free man and learning what that means, growing into himself while surrounded by a new family, new friends, new allies. Varg is generally very easy to root for and was the highlight of the book for me. Especially given the fact he is surrounded by some of the more enjoyable side-characters. I love Svik, Einar, Røkia, and Golnir, and pretty much everyone else in the Bloodsworn warband.

There is the downside of everything feeling a little shallow, in part because of the writing style and how little time we spend with these people. I also found myself surprised by how quickly some characters accepted Varg, but that was somewhat resolved by the “big revelation” (to Varg) that he is Tainted. I actually like how this goes down. Gwynne assumes the reader has known this, and so he doesn’t make the reveal something big; he makes Varg’s reaction to this reveal big, the main focus, and it is a choice I applaud him for. The fact that all of the Bloodsworn are Tainted is great. It also explains why Torvik would be so quick to call Varg brother; they both could have been the descendants of the same god, making them true blood-kin brothers in a way.

Varg’s story is still flawed. After he is saved from becoming a slave again, he is not exactly aimless (since he is still looking for a way to avenge his sister), but the stakes are… gone. Kind of. Varg’s story depends on the reader caring for him and just wanting to see how he deals with the life he is thrust into. Nothing horrible is really going to happen if the Bloodsworn reject him and he does not get the aid he wanted from them to learn about his sister’s murder. At worst he might die, sure, but that isn’t related to his quest wholesale; him being a warrior trainee and him seeking vengeance feel like two separate things in a way, which makes his story very slow, without really many scenes or skirmishes relevant to the larger, overarching tale of this world.

Despite this, Varg made this book significantly more enjoyable than if he wasn’t included. His chapters were the light I needed to guide and motivate me to finish this book. His is a flawed story still, but these flaws are minor compared to Orka (in the beginning at least) and Elvar. Speaking of Elvar…

ELVAR

Elvar should not have been the POV character. She doesn’t have anything actually going for her, nothing to make her interesting. With Orka, you know what’s going to happen, but you still want to see it; the violence, the brutality, the depths she will fall to as long as she gets her son back. It’s a dark pull. With Varg, you want him to heal and grow, want to see how his story will unfold. With Elvar, there’s… really nothing.

She is a warrior of the Battle-Grim, a warband of mercenary slavers. Her first chapter is them hunting down and enslaving a man, abducting his family to keep the whole lot under their thumb, and Elvar just… doesn’t have any thoughts on this. She’s completely brain empty up in here. This is frustrating because we later learn that what Elvar ran away from was a life of servitude; her father wanted to marry her off for political ties and power, but she didn’t want to be a “brood bitch”, so she ran away to make a life for herself, to gain reputation and fame on her own merits. She specifically escaped because she didn’t want to be a pawn in somebody else’s game, didn’t want to be a servant, a slave. But she has no thoughts about being a slaver? She doesn’t care about those she hunts down and collars, doesn’t feel any sympathy or empathy, any connection, any regret or conflict when she forces others into the life she escaped from?

Elvar only wants one thing in this story: fame. Well, she wants two things if you count the money too, but she speaks of “battle-fame” the most. She wants to be known, to have a legacy, to live forever in the saga-tales and songs of skalds.That’s fine to some degree. However, Elvar lacks depth, she lacks interest, she lacks any reason to root for her or be invested in her as a character. Even Greene, who I mentioned has liked the book, does not mention her once in his review, despite making the claim that Orka and Varg would become big and popular amongst those in Gwynne’s audience. Elvar does not have the makings of a protagonist; but she would be a decently interesting side/supporting character.

Speaking of side-characters; hers are not that great. Elvar’s story is actually the one that grows to be the most connected to the event that this book is supposedly building towards; the freeing of an imprisoned god. However, most of the characters are as one-note as Elvar, with nothing to characterize them besides the desire to be rich and famous. They are all, like Elvar, mercenaries and slavers, and the leaders and high-rankers within the Battle-Grim are especially shown as being unpleasant at best to their slaves. Elvar is also extremely uninterested int he slaves; she had not known the name of Ilmur, and referred to him only as “the Hundur-thrall” (demigod descendant of the dog god (and also slave)) for her whole fucking story; it is not until Biórr, a major supporting character, informs her the slave’s name is Ilmur that she realizes she didn’t even think about the slave having a name.

Elvar is also kind of just. Stupid.

Elvar’s one and only personal conflict nearly made me throw the book out. The Battle-Grim go to the highest bidder to sell their newly-captured slave, and that highest-bidder happens to be Elvar’s father. He is a jarl and the one who planned for her to become a “brood bitch” for political connections. She has never, not even once, thought about her family up until her blood-relation to the man is revealed. It is clear when she does actually think back on her relationship with her father that there is no love lost between them. Her father’s just straight up a dick; a manipulator, a liar, someone who did not care for her, someone to whom she was a pawn. Gwynne slams the reader over the head with this. Elvar’s father offers Elvar something she had once wanted in the past; her own warband of drengr, elite warriors she would lead. There a whole fucking chapter dedicated to Elvar figuring out what choice to make. Should she stay with her chosen kin, the Battle-Grim, whom helped her achieve everything she ever wanted, with whom she has bled and fought and sheltered, with whom she earned battle-fame and coin on her own merits and skill; or return to a family that she knows is prone to manipulation and lies to get… the same thing she already has, except gifted to her instead of earned. Earning something on her own merits has been her core motivation this whole time!

Wow. what a hard choice it must be. I am saying this with the utmost sarcasm. This """dilemma""" is so fucking hollow and underdeveloped and a waste of everyone's time. It's a waste of my time, a waste of Gwynne's time, a waste of the pages and words that could have been better used for something and someone else. I hate this. It's so bad. It's not compelling, it's not deep, and it makes Elvar just seem like a stupid fucking idiot for needing to BE TOLD by somebody else that HEY. THIS GUY? YOUR FATHER? HE'S KIND OF A LYING CUNT. YOU KNOW THIS. DON'T TRUST HIM.

I wish this was removed. I wish Elvar was removed. Her installment is weak and lackluster and unnecessary. Her story has two supporting characters that I think would have worked better as protagonists, would have been more compelling. There is Grend, Elvar’s taciturn protector and bodyguard oathsworn to her, who I think could offer a lot of wisdom and interesting perspective whilst running after Elvar. She could still be the star of the show (though that’s quite unnecessary), and I think that she'd genuinely be more interesting as a side-character instead of a main one. The other character I think could have replaced her is Biórr. Biórr is the only member of the Battle Grim that seems to care about the thralls on their team; he learns their names and is kind to them. He is also not actually a Battle-Grim; he infiltrated their ranks to aid a different warrior group defeat them. He has so much going for him, I wish we'd have followed him instead. Especially because he was the only one I was rooting for! Sure, I didn't give a fuck about him until he, rather angrily, informed Elvar of the fact Ilmur had a name, since she was dehumanizing and objectifying the guy to hell and back, but after that? Chef's kiss, Biórr was the highlight of the story, and I cheered when he killed the leader of the Battle-Grim. I wish Elvar the worst because maybe then she'll actually grow into someone interesting to follow. I do not plan on reading The Hunger of the Gods but the fact Biórr DOES supposedly have a POV there is tempting me.

Another thing about Elvar that doesn't work is that she's just... irrelevant. Her story ties into the Big Event of the book mostly by accident. Elvar wants to be famous, so she goes looking for fame, and accidentally gets caught up in a different group's ritual to free the god. Elvar is Just Kind of There. Her motivation is shallow, her involvement is weak, and she has nothing interesting to say or do thematically.

Elvar gets 1/5 stars from me. That one star is Biórr.

THE PLOTTING; A CONTINUATION

Like I have already pointed out, both Orka and Elvar have some scenes (or, rather, entire chapters) that make no sense or are dissatisfying; Orka’s thing with Froa feels like an asspull, and Elvar just loses braincells and any possible respect I’d have had for her. There’s not actually too many scenes like this, ones that are offensively horrible, but there are many that are just… very weak.

One is in the very beginning. It’s the first infodump in the story, and it is both a) too early, and b) irrelevant and unnecessary.

This infodump comes in the form of Breca, Orka’s son, asking his father Thorkel to tell him a story about Snaka the Snake, whose calcified bones have become a massive mountain range across the landscape. I get what Gwynne was trying to do. He was trying to justify the infodump by combining it with characterization; showing the reader that Breca is inquisitive and obsessed with the gods and heroes and their tales, and that Thorkel is a softie. But that is not enough. It is not executed well enough, it is not timed well enough, and it is simply not necessary. We could already tell Thorkel was gentler and kinder than Orka, and this characterization continues throughout Orka’s chapters, making this moment nothing special. It also doesn’t reveal any profound depths in Breca’s character. It’s too early in the story, it’s in an awkward spot, and it's entirely redundant. Breca had just missed a spearthrow during his first proper hunt. He is upset by this, which we seemingly forget just to have him ask about Snaka. But then we return to that dejection he feels when Thorkel goes out of his way to comfort him. This infodump feels out of place, like a random interjection. Breca’s obsession with saga-tales could have been explored in this moment instead; Thorkel could have told Breca some story about his favorite hero or god learning and failing at doing something they later became good or even the best at for comfort; boom! Both characters have their personalities expanded with a strong emotional undertone of a father comforting his child, with lore being dropped at the same time.

We could of course just not include any of that, and the story would be fine. It just felt like an enthusiastic and inexperienced author's attempt at worldbuilding that ended up as subtle as a piano crashing onto the pavement. It was not a bad concept (using infodumps for characterization) but the execution was lacking.

This is true for most of this novel. The execution is never really satisfactory, but I can imagine the concept Gwynne is trying to breathe life into here; but little of it works, and that’s a big shame! This is going to sound horrible, but the only time I had anything good to say about his plotting and prose was on page 436. Throughout the book, Gwynne does a lot of telling of some things I would have preferred being shown, like Elvar’s thought-process when presented with her personal conflict and Einar sharing some bread with Varg. This telling and no showing grated on my nerves, especially because the prose is, while inoffensive, not the most evocative or emotionally engaging, and thus depends on showing to create depth. On page 436, there is a callback that is in some ways similar to these mentioned tells, except it actually hearkens back to a scene that WAS depicted earlier in the story! I was so surprised that Gwynne knew what a callback is and how to implement it well… which is genuinely a rude thing to be surprised by, especially with how rudimentary that writing device is, but I truly thought he just wasn’t capable of executing it well, and so I think it’s the fact that I actually liked that scene that surprised me.

THE PROSE AND SOME OTHER STUFF

The way Norse is used honestly cheapens the story. Incredibly so.

Because of the setting, I have assumed that the characters either speak Norse or a modernized version of Norse, and that the Norse we see written on the page is either a) untranslated for the purposes of the audience to signify when magical words are being used, or b) untranslated because in-universe it's the equivalent of someone speaking Late Middle English. Gwynne never clarifies in-book what language is spoken or if multiple languages exist, as even though there is a different continent with Slavic-named characters, I cannot recall a language barrier or the mention of any accents or dialects. As such, when Gwynne writes shit like 'Gudfalla the godsfall', which to the characters would have sounded like 'Gods-fall the godsfall', I am Very Annoyed and Frustrated.

Especially because this happens all the time! Especially with the gods! Do you wanna know what the eagle god is called? Orna. Do you know what Orna means? Eagle. She-Eagle if you want to be very specific. So you have She-Eagle the Eagle, Rat the Rat (Rotta), Wolf the Wolf (Ulfrir), Hound the Hound (Hundur), etc. The only god that doesn't fit this shitass, middle-grade level naming system is Lik-Rifa, who's name means 'corpse-tearer/corpse-ripper', who is a dragon. Good for her. Except I couldn't help but have war flashbacks to Lightlark's naming system, (Wildling, Starling, Sunling, Moonling, Nightshade...>). This was just horrible. We also have two brothers literally named Murder and Life (Mord and Lif). One of Elvar's brothers is named Brodir, which literally means 'brother'. The only time this horseshittery works is with Iskalt Island, because it translates to 'Ice Cold Island' and, if nothing else, it made me cackle for five minutes straight. Granted, it was at the book, but at least that was enjoyable.

The prose itself is otherwise generally inoffensive. I noticed that the word 'rippling' got used a lot, which was distracting, but I think it's just me. There were also some moments where the prose did feel repetitive, like when Varg and Einar fought; there was the imagery of 'hammers' and 'hammer-fist' and fists hammering, and it got tired very quickly. My biggest gripes is the amount of italics and 'thought-cage'. Some words are always italicized, such as brynja and drakkar and more, and it was unnecessary and a little annoying really. Italics enforce tone and emphasis, and having these things be emphasized over and over again is just plain frustrating. They should have been emphasized once when used for the first time to clue the reader into them being special, but no more than that. And thought-cage.... for whatever reason, Gwynne decided that he would replace the word 'mind', 'head', and 'brain' with 'thought-cage', and I just do not get it, because all three of these words exist in this world. What the purpose was I don't fucking know.

See, I started reading this novel because the premise interested me, but I like to be prepared for what might work and what might not, so I watched multiple reviews on YouTube. Both good and bad. And the thing that came up over and over again was the hate of the word 'thought-cage'. I thought to myself that surely, it cannot be that bad, Gwynne is definitely trying to achieve something here that he might have overdone but that still has importance and relevance and a reason! No. I was deluding myself. I had this whole theory about it. I thought that 'thought-cage' would be either something unique to Orka and Thorkel or something very specific; something that warriors deal with, a different word for trauma perhaps, where you are paralyzed or stuck in a pattern or feeling or catastrophic thoughts, like getting triggered; or maybe it was about Orka's pessimistic and depressive and cynical thinking and how she'd get stuck in circles and 'thought-cage' was a word Thorkel invented and she'd use it often in her narration as a call-back to her lover...

No. Nope! None of that. Everyone uses it for everything. Sometimes it feels like Gwynne is purposefully writing sentences just so he can include 'thought-cage' in them. It's clunky, it's distracting, and it's unnecessary, and it's bad.

Still, despite all this, I don't think I can say that this is a badly written book. It's just... serviceable? Middling. I can neither recommend it due to my own lack of enjoyment for so much of it, but I also cannot say to stay away; there are elements with much appeal, and while I called much of the writing juvenile and inept, Gwynne can write well. It's just that he also plots shit. Overall this was just a frustrating read with a lot of squandered potential. I wish Gwynne took the plunge and dedicated himself to writing these POVs as standalone novels or novellas in a fantasy series (it could have been a whole ass 3 books to just introduce the readers to the world and its players, then multi-POV sequels following that; kind of like the Percy Jackson novels) instead of a comparatively small trilogy. If he was given more room to explore, these stories would have been much better developed, plotted, and executed. Hopefully. But this is not the reality of this book, and The Shadow of the Gods remains a dissatisfying, disappointing read.

#john gwynne #the shadow of the gods #the bloodsworn saga #book review #neg review #2 stars #3 stars #congratulations if you read the whole thing this is 5.5k words #the gnat doth read #rant #vent #finished reading #fantasy #high fantasy

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ink-bunny-blue · 5 months

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Review: The Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafón

So, I'd like to introduce you to one of my favourite books ever written:

"In an abandoned mansion at the heart of Barcelona, a young man, David Martin, makes his living by writing sensationalist novels under a pseudonym. The survivor of a troubled childhood, he has taken refuge in the world of books and spends his nights spinning baroque tales about the city’s underworld. But perhaps his dark imaginings are not as strange as they seem, for in a locked room deep within the house lie photographs and letters hinting at the mysterious death of the previous owner. Like a slow poison, the history of the place seeps into his bones as he struggles with an impossible love. Close to despair, David receives a letter from a reclusive French editor, Andreas Corelli, who makes him the offer of a lifetime. He is to write a book unlike anything that has ever existed — a book with the power to change hearts and minds. In return, he will receive a fortune, and perhaps more. But as David begins the work, he realizes that there is a connection between his haunting book and the shadows that surround his home."

-(Blurb taken from Goodreads)

Note, this is the second book in the Cemetery Of Forgotten Books series, but it works perfectly fine as a standalone. I will review the first instalment, The Shadow Of The Wind, later.

Like much of Zafón's writing, this book has everything you could wish for in a gothic novel: a writing style so heavy with atmosphere, a setting that seems to take the role of a living being, characters so complexly woven from both light and darkness. But at its heart, The Angel's Game is a love-letter to writers and storytellers. A bulk of the book follows the characters working on their various projects, exploring the highs and lows all writers go through in their creative journeys. There are many little references and inside jokes that fellow writers would certainly appreciate (such as Isabella's subplot, where she finds increasingly drastic ways to procrastinate and ends up writing practically nothing throughout the novel). So if you're a writer, or simply love stories about artists, I would recommend it a lot. (And now I desperately want to own a typewriter.)

The characters were one of the main things that shone brightly in this book, as every single one of them felt so real to me. Even though the protagonist David is a very cynical person, he was definitely loveable with his macabre, deadpan sense of humour and whimsical imagination. And despite being a pessimist, he has a very hopeful streak, which he refers to as his "Great Expectations" after the Dickens novel. Corelli, as well, was a brilliant antagonist, and Zafón did an amazing job at constructing a character who was undeniably creepy in every way.

The prose is exactly as I love prose to be: immersive and lyrical, yet it never bores you by being purple. I will always be sad that I will never be able to experience the book in its original Spanish, but Lucia Graves' translation is gorgeous nonetheless.

I definitely wouldn't call this a light read, as the story's main mystery is complex and surreal, leaving a lot of readers baffled (judging by the reviews I've read). I actually had to read it twice before I understood what this book was actually trying to say, and once I did, I decided it was my favourite book I'd ever read.

(Spoiler review below)

......

David Martin is by far one of the best unreliable narrators I have ever encountered in fiction, and it becomes clear as the book goes on that his perception of the world is vastly different the one the other characters are living in. You will begin to see contradictions, plot-holes, and inconsistencies, which the narrator notices too, yet he tries his hardest to convince the reader they are not there. That his story is correct. That his madness is the reality. Even when he encounters a huge reality check close to the book's climax, and the elaborate conspiracy he's constructed is completely torn down, he still retreats further into his delusion and blames the other characters for not being able to see his truth.

Yet his story is so convincing because of how tightly he holds onto it, and on my first time reading, I completely believed him. People always like to hate on "it was all a dream/hallucination" type narratives (and I see why. They are seldom used well), yet this book sets up and executes it so perfectly, from the well-grounded beginning all the way to the epilogue where poor David is living in a complete state of psychosis (which is explored further in the rest of the series). The Angel's Game was never a story about a Faustian pact with the devil, a haunted house, and a mysterious cursed book. Its the story of an artist trying as hard as he can to hold onto reality as his life is slowly consumed by mental illness. And I will always be in awe at how masterfully Carlos Ruiz Zafón was able to hide so much tragedy within a supernatural mystery novel.

#book review #the angels game #carlos ruiz zafón #cemetery of forgotten books #bookblr #readers of tumblr #gothic literature #book recommendations

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cathygeha · 1 year

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REVIEW

The Wicked Truth by Melissa Foster

The Wickeds: Dark Knights at Bayside #4

Another great story from a fabulous author – loved Madigan and Tobias and was rooting for them from beginning to end!

What I liked:

* Madigan “Mads” Wicked: musical storyteller, greeting card line businesswoman, puppeteer, MC Princess, has four protective brothers, guarded in some ways but so open in others, really liked her

* Tobias Riggs: ex-con, mechanic, ex-MMA fighter, broody, quiet, introspective, has lost much, loves his grandfather, alpha with a heart of gold

* That neither main character said they were in the market for a relationship…then watching the romance unfold

* The slow unveiling of the past events that have created the more guarded personalities of Tobias and Madigan

* The love of family that is so predominant throughout the story – even when family sometimes hurts

* The steamy bits – fanning myself a bit

* That I could see the main characters together and hoped everything would work out for them

* That it is standalone readable though there are a lot of characters from previous books that I have not read

* The HEA ending and wondering who will find their HEA next

What I didn’t like:

* Who and what I was meant not to like

* Thinking about how devastating some events can be even when the cause was unintentional

Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Definitely

Thank you to the author for the ARC – This is my honest review.

5 Stars

BLURB

Scorching heat, laugh-out-loud humor, and swoon-worthy moments abound in this sexy new standalone romance by New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author Melissa Foster. What happens when you’re not looking for love, but it walks in the door? Madigan Wicked’s heart is not up for grabs. She’s been there, done that, and she’s not going back for seconds. She pours her heart and soul into her family, her greeting card line, puppetry, and storytelling performances. But she’s not opposed to having a night of fun, and the gruff, sinfully hot, definitely-not-looking-for-love mysterious stranger she runs into at a bar might be just the right man to enjoy it with. Ex-con Tobias Riggs has lost enough for one lifetime. The only family member in his corner doesn't remember him, and the people who he thought would always be in his life, walked away. He’s just trying to make it through each day, and the last thing he’s looking for is any sort of connection. When chemistry ignites with the snarky, sexy storyteller, with lips he can't stop thinking about, he gives in to a night of passion. Though neither is open to love, it’s been known to bully its way into even the most resisting hearts. But can it survive the wicked truth of Tobias’s dark past? About The Wickeds: Dark Knights at Bayside Set on the sandy shores of Cape Cod, the Wickeds feature fiercely protective heroes, strong heroines, and unbreakable family bonds. If you think bikers are all the same, you haven’t met the Dark Knights. The Dark Knights are a motorcycle club, not a gang. Their members stick together like family and will stop at nothing to keep their communities safe. These men are wickedly alpha and intensely loyal, but they are not alphaholes. *** Want more WICKED sexy love stories? A Little Bit Wicked (Justin and Chloe) The Wicked Aftermath (Tank and Leah) Crazy, Wicked Love The Wicked Truth His Wicked Ways Meet the WHISKEYS: DARK KNIGHTS AT PEACEFUL HARBOR Now available for your binge-reading pleasure! Tru Blue Truly, Madly, Whiskey Driving Whiskey Wild Wicked Whiskey Love Mad About Moon Taming My Whiskey The Gritty Truth In for a Penny Running on Diesel Find out more about these and many other steamy romance series in Melissa Foster’s big-family contemporary romance collection, Love in Bloom, featuring characters from all walks of life, from billionaires to blue-collar workers. You’ll love her fun, sexy, and relatable characters, and their real-life issues. Best of all, you’re always guaranteed a happily ever after.

#Melissa Foster #The Wickeds Dark Knights at Bayside 4 #Contemporary Romance #Small Town Romance #Romance #Fiction #Ex-Con #puppet therapy #musical storytelling #family #alzheimer's disease

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princessamericachavez · 2 years

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Hi, I’ve been wanting to get into critical role for a while, but I realized that there is so much that I just genuinely don’t know where to begin. Is there any tips how what’s the best way to get started? There is like years and years of critical role content I don’t know if I could keep up ehsjakkah

Well, lucky for you there are 3 different places where you could start.

1. You could start with the first campaign they live-streamed, especially if you are interested in Vox Machina because of the new series. It works well because you get to see the how their style changed slowly and how they went from 'home game' to 'live-stream sensation'. The first few eps might be a little weird, because they'd already been playing for a while and were basically mid-campaign, but you still have all the best arcs ahead. Also, there's a certain party member that gets increasingly annoying (to say the least) but they leave and after that you're left with the main cast and some awesome guests. There's ppl who have already made suggestions on what eps/moments to skip to avoid the worst of it. You could also start directly with the Trials of the Take arc or the Briarwood arc, imho, but the first few eps have some beats that later come into play if you want to get the whole experience (though you wouldn't miss anything major by skipping that first Kragghamer arc, in my opinion). Overall, it's an amazing campaign, especially if you're getting into this because of TLOVM.

2. You could also start with the second campaign, which has already finished. It's a good starting point for new critters because you get to see the characters start since lvl 2 and explore the way they and their relationships grow together. It's also fun because the cast was far more comfortable playing and streaming and you can see they made a lot of bolder character choices from the beginning. The Mighty Nein are a very different party to VM but their relationships are frankly amazing and it's a very fun overarching story that differs from more typical high-fantasy narrative beats. TMN are definitely far more outcasts and weirdoes than VM (at least VM at the point of the campaign where we meet them). It's fun and it's also already over so you can catch up with it calmly.

3. You could also join in on the third campaign which is currently streaming. They are 14 episodes in so far, which isn't too much. It could be a fun way to catch up and participate with the fandom's current conversation around meta, theories and ships. The story is barely starting to take shape, so it's not entirely clear what kind of narrative/campaign we'll get, but that's part of the fun, for sure! There's some throwbacks/cameos to previous campaigns, but mostly —just like campaign 2— you can watch without much context and not miss anything important. None of the campaigns are heavily inter-connected, they are all pretty much standalone stories.

As for tips for watching:

1. Don't stress yourself, it's a lot of content and there's no hurry to catch up. Even if you decide to go with c3 to catch up with the fandom, I assure you catching up is entirely possible and easier than it seems.

2. You can speed-run the episodes on YouTube at x1.5 so go a little bit faster. This is useful, especially during combat, which can sometimes take a while. I used to do this when they were planning/shopping etc and then slow down again when something I was particularly interested on happened.

3. They also come out in podcast form! So you can switch it up and just listen to some eps while you do other stuff. I used to do this, saving the 'important' plot episodes to watch on video and then listening to the ones that were more 'transitory' as the arc progressed. (Protip: if you're like me and don't have much of a poker face, beware, because I did smile like an idiot and had to muffle a few laughs while listening to VM at the gym).

4. In all honesty, if you aren't super anti-spoilers, you could always take a quick look at the critical role wiki to see what happens in each ep and maybe even skip whichever doesn't particularly interest you. Some episodes aren't as plot-productive or character-heavy as others. You can also look for those YouTube comments that compile time-stamps to just skip to the bigger or funnier moments of the episodes that otherwise don't have much going on, so that way you don't miss out on the fun but get to advance the story further. I mean... in the end, listening to all of it is a joy even with the slower eps (they tend to have some great character moments) but it's a good way to lighten the load of content.

5. Have fun! Enjoy the ride! Feel free to come here and comment on whatever you're currently on because I love to see new critters commentary about the campaigns. <3

#critical role #sofia's nonsense #the legend of vox machina #oh another way is you could catch up with the current campaign first #and then as you are watching weekly and craving more content in between episodes u can slowly watch c1 and c2

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efkgirldetective · 3 years

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good that won't go out

~part VI~ { part I & part II & part III & part IV & part V}

& just like that—this wartime drabble series reaches its end ! much love & thanks to the anon who sent in the final prompt & gratitude to all who sent in previous prompts! if i didn’t end up using yours don't fret, at some point in the future i'll do little standalones—as always, thank you for reading&supporting! 💞enjoy!

spoon + green + excitement

James is setting the dinner table ill at ease.

Or rather—setting Lily ill at ease.

Even despite their conversation in the bedroom, not minutes ago, long and roundabout and accomplishing little, a parade of unfounded concerns—

“Tell me why you’re so worried.”

“It’s just...it’s them.”

“Yes—and?”

“And! Lily, it’s—them.”

“Repeating the word with slightly more emphasis isn’t helpful.”

“It’s—I don’t—it’s difficult. I’m a bundle of nerves, and—”

“—basket case, yes—”

“Lils, love, honest, you must understand—you told me, yeah? You were so strange, all day. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand, yes, but—I knew you would...be okay. Be there. I knew. You must know they’ll be just the same.”

“Yes, I know, I know, but...”

“Fucking hell. It’s spaghetti and meatballs and I’m pregnant, Potter, we’ve got to leave the bedroom and face the music.”

“I love you, I do, it’s just—”

“I’m going out. I’ll tell them on my own.”

“No! Evans! I’m—okay, I’m coming, I’m coming, honest, I’m just—”

“Certifiable basket case. I love you, too.”

—even despite it all, his leg bounces—erratically, continuously—up and down beneath the table; absolutely, undeniably ill at ease.

Lily catches the hike of his thigh with her hand. Stills him. Lets him know, out of the corner of her eye, that he is not alone.

“Bread?” she asks, carefully.

“Oh,” he says, and he swallows. Across the table, Peter is elbow-deep in spaghetti and meatballs; oblivious, blissful. Remus pours wine with his wand hand—Lily refuses her glass with a shake of the head—and dabs at Sirius’ already stained jumper with his other hand. Sirius, unconcerned with the jumper, dirty or not, bats at the prying hand and attempts, in one bold go, to drain his entire glass.

James blinks at Lily. “I would like—yes, bread.”

Lily pins him with a purposeful smile. Hands him a piece of bread and mouths, I love you. His throat contracts. She nudges his thigh with hers. Go on.

“Right, erm—er, lads?”

“Lads?” Peter frowns, immediately, up and about from his plate. “Lads, James?”

“Lads,” Remus repeats, brow tense, letting go of the mucked-up jumper, lowering the wine with his wand. “Something big, now is it?”

Sirius looks up and stares: Suspecting. Eyes land on Lily and she keeps them but just smiles, halfway, looks back to her—to the center of herself.

Who is, still, ill at ease. Gone a bit blue-green. “Okay,” he clears his throat and shifts in his chair and everyone stares. “Okay.”

“Oh, in this century, love,” Lily whispers.

“It is big,” James says, pained.

“It is big,” Remus echoes.

Sirius—staring. Picks up a spoon and starts fiddling.

Peter’s frown deepens. He misreads. “Bad as well as big?”

“No, no,” James shakes his head. “Not bad.”

Lily’s hand tightens on his thigh. Comforting squeeze. Somewhere, through an open window, a cool wind. Autumn trees murmuring.

Sirius toys compulsively with the spoon. It clatters, gently, over knuckles.

“We’ve something to—” James sort of stops, and takes one look at Lily, and with her nodding takes her hand from his leg and holds tight and finishes—“something to tell you, lads.”

“Lads.” The spoon clangs, suddenly, against the table—Sirius sucks in an anxious breath. “Go on, then, what the fuck?”

“It’s—there’s to be a—?” Remus is patient and calm; steadfast, always.

James inhales. He brings their hands up to the table, as if to present their connection; physical, real. Lily’s breath leaves her lungs evenly. The room feels safe. The tablecloth is dark green. It grounds them to the space they’re in; this is growth. This is forward.

James exhales.

“A baby. There’s to be a baby.”

A moment of still and silence. Lily watches the words roll over faces: Peter, frown unyielding, somehow deeper and more expansive, yet; Remus, leaning back in his chair and regarding Lily and James in equal measure, expression still patient, still calm; and Sirius, now grasping the spoon so hard his knuckles whiten with the hold, eyes pinned, fastidiously, to Lily’s.

“A baby,” is Peter’s first attempt at grasping. “You mean—you’ve a cousin who’s—you mean, Lily’s shit sister is—you mean—a baby...”

Remus smiles, gently—something small, something knowing. Lily catches that eye, and is smiling, too. He knows.

Sirius—spoon askew, determined, furrowed brow—watches her smile bloom. “Okay, I’m—” he cuts off, he swallows something back.

James is watching him—is anxious, fumbling at Lily’s hand. She feels his breath shallow and complicate. She curbs the urge to roll her eyes. Decides, instead, to be plain.

“I’m pregnant,” she says, and leaves her breath hanging off the end, as if there’s more—though that’s all there is.

Peter looks tossed into the ocean sans life raft. “Lily, you?” Remus is beginning to beam, and—Sirius, with his restless spoon, face still stoic, until—he releases a stream of air so quick and so long that it startles, then stills, and he breaks, instantly, into a grin; a real, cracked-open grin; lets out a wide and unbelieving laugh. Reaches out instantly to their hands with both of his own, folding half-over the table, which clatters at the movement—his grey eyes aglimmer, glistening.

“Bloody hell,” he breathes. “It’s true?”

“Yeah,” James chokes.

Peter stands right up from the table, face lighting with joy, a wide, uninhibited thing, eyebrows skybound. “Pregnant?”

Peter, who is always learning in solid words and true feelings—in the middle of the kitchen, rounding the table, aside the dark green cloth, approaching them, the parents-to-be, putting a determined hand on each of their shoulders—and Lily thinks, he looks so young. Blonde hair in disarray, tshirt untucked. Smile crooked and true.

Her heart, she finds, is aching—and this is just the start.

She feels Sirius’ hands a little bit trembling, and hears Remus laugh, a farmiliar, grounding sound—sees his eyes gone a little bit wet, and it’s too much, all at once, it’s everything: Chairs scraping the ground and everyone suddenly piling onto to her and James with breathy, urgent laughter; arms circling bodies and gripping, tightly, faces pressed into shoulders—James slips his arm around her, stable and constant; the group convened in a unified mass, instinctively, like a heartbeat, centering; Peter begins to weep, openly, declaring, “I knew it was odd, with the wine, I know you like some wine, Lils—” and she laughs, wiping at her eyes, “yes, yes, I like more than a little wine, anyways—” and the damn quite broken, the deluge of Sirius and his hands at both of their cheeks, shaking, demanding, “how long’ve you known?” and even with James insisting, “just last week,” Sirius is apoplectic with the loss of a week, bemoaning, “a week? A bloody week you’ve been waltzing around knowing—and I—” Remus ducks around the overreaction, clasping Lily’s hand, gentle, “I’m so happy for you,” and James cranes his neck, “just Lily? I had a good hand in the—” and Remus laughs, insisting, “obviously happy for you, no need to go on about your good hand—” and Lily insists, simultaneously, “it’s a tender moment, Potter, honestly—” and Sirius wails, positively wails, “sweet Merlin—" his body tucked firmly between the Lily and James—“my dearest friends? To be parents? The most tender of—” he throws himself into James’ shoulder, completely undone. “The most tender of moments—Prongs, hold me.”

James, with his own clouded-over eyes, holds his friend, tempers all the tumultuous feelings; meets Lily’s eyes over the mass, offers a quiet, emphatic, “yeah—yeah, it is tender.”

The moment, tender, everlong, suffuses with a good so like a circle—no edges, no end, always coming back around—and Lily knows, with stark and certain faith, that it’s the kind of good that won’t go out.

The kind of good that will linger, long after things go wrong—horribly, terribly long—long after the good doesn’t feel like good. Even then. Even then—it will bloom where it’s buried. Bloom—and bloom, and bloom.

A good that grows. Without pain, without malice. Just good.

#jily #fic #drabble #fin!!!#lily is pregnant & it's spaghetti & meatballs potter #im sorry for the subtle reminder there at the end of certain canon deaths #self care is never moving past this happy moment

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becomewings · 3 years

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 3 / 4

« pt. 2 | » pt. 4

Introduction

The following sections for JiMin’s and HoSeok’s arcs are 4.5k and 4k, respectively. As with pt.2 of the series, I have included “tl;dr commentary” at the bottom of the post after a section of additional thoughts. This commentary summarizes the parenthetical asides I made throughout the summaries and may be of interest as standalone reading to those who have already played the game yet would like to review its connections to the BU texts and MVs.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Stopped Time

SeokJin’s primary goal in JiMin’s story is to free him from the hospital psychiatric ward to which his parents have him committed before he gives up on life. Much like his sudden, unexplained absence in The Notes 1, JiMin is not even present in the first two episodes except for an introductory cutscene. In a hospital hallway on an unspecified date, he plays on the colored tiles and stops when he reaches “the line” by the exit door. (This line marks the end of the psychiatric ward and is first described in his 11 May Year 22 entry in The Notes 1.) Everything goes black except for JiMin and the door. A nurse taps him on the shoulder, bringing him back to reality, and hands him pills.

The playable story begins on 22 April Year 22 with SeokJin attending a meeting organized by the patrons of the Songho Foundation. Seo HyunJung, the city’s Deputy Mayor, suggested it to SeokJin’s father, Kim ChangJun, at the inauguration ceremony. (SeokJin attends the inauguration ceremony on 11 April in many loops; it plays out in episode 2 of JungKook’s arc.) SeokJin scans over the crowd, reflecting that while the pretext of the meeting is to discuss community development, in reality it is a social gathering to advance individual careers. These sessions make him uncomfortable, but this time he is attending of his own accord with the intention of meeting someone.

This someone is a woman who actually approaches him first, introducing herself as Sim SeonMi. SeokJin knows that she is JiMin’s mother. He has met her in previous loops but needs to pretend that this is their first time meeting. His goal is to bring up JiMin naturally and persuade her to discharge him from the hospital. Before he can broach the subject, the high school principal, Jo JinMyung, joins them. SeokJin uses his arrival as an opportunity to bring up school and guide the conversation toward JiMin by first asking if they know each other. “We’ve met a few times at gatherings. I was told her child used to be a student at our school,” answers Jo JinMyung. “Ah, really? I attended Jeil High too,” says SeokJin. Sim SeonMi looks taken aback, and he asks for her child’s name. She tries to avoid the question by saying that they probably won’t know each other due to their age gap, but when pressed again she relents. “His name is Park JiMin.” “I know JiMin! We were close. Is JiMin doing okay?” SeokJin responds brightly, wondering if she will provide an empty lie. Instead, she excuses herself with the claim that she needs to greet someone else.

SeokJin quickly wraps up with the principal and begins to casually approach her again. He stops when he overhears two women mention her name. “There’s no gathering she doesn’t attend these days. Looks like her husband’s star is on the rise, thanks to her efforts…” The player has the choice to listen quietly or butt in. If SeokJin stands by, they speculate that she was invited because her husband’s company is one of the patrons. If he interrupts, they caution him to stay away from her. In both routes, SeokJin learns that Sim SeonMi doesn’t have the best reputation and that rumors of her hospitalized son are spreading. Their blame on her helps explain what underlay her hysteric responses in previous loops.

Though it’s uncomfortable, SeokJin reapproaches her when she is alone. She greets him a little coldly. “You don’t have to be so formal to me. I’m JiMin’s friend,” he assures. “Is that so? How friendly you are.” Sim SeonMi smiles awkwardly and keeps looking elsewhere as though for an escape. “It would’ve been nice if JiMin’s father was here… He’ll join me another time, so you can say hello to him then.” “Yes. I’ll make sure to bring my father along then,” SeokJin replies, hoping to snag her attention. Her eyes change at the mention of his father. “Shall we do that, then? It’ll be even better with the Assemblyman.” SeokJin brings up JiMin again by either asking if he still attends Jeil High or how he’s doing. Her uneasy answers are “These days? Yes… Of course” or “...He’s fine,” respectively. SeokJin requests JiMin’s phone number, rendering her silent for a long moment. “That’s a bit difficult. I’m not sure I can give out JiMin’s contact information without his approval.” SeokJin attempts to convince her by stating that they were close friends in school yet lost contact when he studied abroad. But all he gets from her is, “Then I’ll ask JiMin, and make sure to contact you if he says it’s okay.” Sim SeonMi taps him on the shoulder and quickly walks away.

By 25 April, SeokJin still hasn’t heard from JiMin’s mother, so he decides to visit her and reveal that he knows JiMin was admitted to an inpatient psychiatric ward. Uncle JunHo, his father’s secretary, intercepts him before he leaves the house and asks where he’s going. SeokJin either answers that he is heading to school or meeting a friend to work on assignments. He declines a ride from JunHo in the first path but can’t conjure an excuse to not accept in the second. In both, JunHo comments that it’s not easy being the family of a public official and that he noticed SeokJin engaged in a long conversation with Sim SeonMi at the meeting. SeokJin explains that she is his friend’s mother, and JunHo advises him not to get too friendly with her because she doesn’t have a great reputation. In the second path, he also adds information about JiMin’s father that catches SeokJin’s attention because he has not heard anything about the man. Apparently Park JinWook is one of the foundation’s board members. ‘He’s pretty remarkable. He entered as a researcher and became a board member… The one thing that people like him want most is connections,” JunHo muses. He cautions SeokJin to “be wary of any advances [he] can see the intent of.”

The scene cuts to the exterior of an apartment building after SeokJin has either driven himself or been dropped off nearby by JunHo. He considers the public assessment of JiMin’s mother: she works hard to elevate her husband’s status but ignores her own son in favor of the family’s reputation. Sim SeonMi happens to step outside before SeokJin enters the building. She looks wary when he says, “I haven’t heard from you, so I decided to come see you myself.” In an effort to persuade her, SeokJin begins with either “I want to see JiMin” or “I came to see you because I know everything.” In the first path, she lies about not getting in touch with JiMin yet because he is studying abroad in the U.S. SeokJin is stunned by this egregious falsehood. “From what I’ve heard… JiMin’s locked up in a hospital. He’s at the Gyeong Il Hospital, isn’t he?” A similar reaction occurs in the second path from the point of SeokJin mentioning the hospital. Sim SeonMi hardens and objects to the phrase “locked up,” stating that JiMin is an inpatient because he is sick. “SeokJin, I appreciate that you’re worried about JiMin… But I’m his mother, and that means I know what’s best for him.” The paths converge as she tries to leave, claiming they have nothing left to discuss. Persuading her to release JiMin from the hospital seems impossible. “I’ll look into it on my own. I’m going to see JiMin, no matter how hard you try to stop me,” SeokJin warns. Sim SeonMi glares at him, voice low and cold. “‘SeokJin. If I can give you a word of advice… Adults have reasons for everything they do. You should forget about this.”

The beginning of episode 3 visits JiMin’s perspective on 27 April. He has relocated temporarily to the surgical ward due to an injured wrist. After treatment, he returns to his hospital room to find his mother arranging some items she brought. JiMin approaches nervously, wondering if she thinks he has caused a problem again. “It doesn’t look too bad, thankfully,” she remarks, glancing at his wrist. Her concern is unfamiliar yet welcome. “Do you know a Kim SeokJin? He said he attended Jeil High.” The mention of SeokJin surprises JiMin, but he tries to answer passively because of her angry tone. “Yes, but why are you suddenly ask—” “Did you contact him?” Sim SeonMi interrupts, halting her organizing to stare at him. “Why are you so immature? Do you ever think of anyone outside of here?” Injury throbbing, JiMin doesn’t know how to respond. “If you want to leave, tell me why you’re doing this. Tell me instead of embarrassing me by contacting some random person! Is that why you hurt your wrist? To rebel?” she demands. JiMin tries to explain this isn’t true, but she doesn’t listen. “I’m really tired, too. How many years has it been? How long do I have to suffer because of you?” Sim SeonMi leaves, the rant having done little to expend her anger. JiMin knows that her worries are pointed at herself, not at him; he is someone who makes life harder for her. He decides not to talk about anything else because he doesn’t want to make things even more difficult for her.

The story cuts to SeokJin loitering outside Gyeong Il Hospital, mulling over what action to take since JiMin is moving out of the surgical ward that day. (The date is unspecified in the game, but in The Notes 1, he is scheduled to return to the psychiatric ward on 16 May.) SeokJin knows that he will be the first suspect if JiMin disappears now and that he must act carefully since he was unable to persuade JiMin’s mother. As the day grows dark, he spots Sim SeonMi rushing into the hospital on her second visit. SeokJin hurries after her, worried that something happened to JiMin. The panicked voices of a medical team emerge from JiMin’s room. Doctors crowd around someone laying on the bed. “No, JiMin!” SeokJin hears Sim SeonMi scream followed by the sound of shattering glass.

The loop resets, and the game rejoins SeokJin on 10 May standing at a road and reflecting on the last failure. “If JiMin isn’t saved while he’s in the surgical ward, he makes his choice days after he returns to the closed ward. But it happened too quickly this time. What pushed him?” he wonders. He recalls Sim SeonMi’s final words before the loop ended. “No, JiMin! I’m sorry. I was wrong! You can see your friends; you can do anything you want… So please, open your eyes!” SeokJin realizes that he may have caused Sim SeonMi to act out of the ordinary, which in turn affected JiMin’s choice. It’s his fault, and he made JiMin suffer more. He thinks, “Even though I’ve experienced losing my friends before… No matter how many times it repeats… It never gets any easier.” SeokJin decides to abandon persuading JiMin’s mother to avoid provoking her and reverts his plan to sneaking JiMin out like in earlier loops. But first, he must focus on a more pressing issue—rescuing HoSeok after he collapses on the bridge that day.

After a cut, HoSeok awakens in SeokJin’s car and is shocked to see him. “Wow, is it really you? How long has it been?” “Lean on me for a bit longer. You didn’t hurt yourself when you fell?” SeokJin checks. HoSeok assures him that he’s all right and asks how SeokJin saw him. When SeokJin says he was just passing by, HoSeok remarks, “Wow! That’s so weird. Thanks for saving me.” It’s the first time SeokJin has heard something like this. He remembers JiMin in a previous loop telling him, “This is where I should be.” Does JiMin really want to leave the hospital? SeokJin believed that he did, but now he’s less confident. “HoSeok. If you had someone in front of you who wanted to die because living was too difficult… What would you do?” he asks. HoSeok answers without hesitation, “Well, I would help them.” “Even if that person doesn’t want my help?” says SeokJin. “ Isn’t helping them the right thing to do? Even if you don’t know why they want to die… They need to keep living for something to change,” HoSeok muses.

SeokJin drops HoSeok off at Two Star Burger before returning to the hospital alone, his friend’s words sticking with him. Even though JiMin isn’t guaranteed to be happy when he leaves the hospital, he needs to stay alive to have even the opportunity for happiness. Still uncertain how to proceed, SeokJin heads to the hospital lounge to organize his thoughts before visiting JiMin. Through an open door, he spots JiMin trudging down a hallway. SeokJin either calls out to him or watches him, but the latter is the result regardless because JiMin doesn’t hear him in the first path. JiMin stares at the door as people come and go and eventually returns to his room.

On 7 May, JiMin roams the hallways of the 5th floor surgical ward. He was moved there about ten days earlier after he ran into someone and fell. The surgical ward is not too different from the psychiatric one: the hallway is a little longer, and it has a lounge in the middle. But the freedom to move around in this space brings him joy that he doesn’t have in the psychiatric ward. He even wanders around at night when no one is around and dances in the lounge. Despite this newfound freedom, his body stops at the same point in the hallway—where the psychiatric ward ends four floors above him. After reaching his line again, JiMin returns to his room. He assumes a student occupied the bed before him because he finds a forgotten workbook in the nearby drawers. Remembering that he used this workbook in school, he flips through and reads the notes scribbled in the margins. “I want to go to a PC cafe, too…” he murmurs, spotting the note “wanna go to the PC cafe later?” JiMin finds a haphazardly folded paper tucked into the pages and unfolds it curiously. “Career… plan?”

The story cuts to 10 May with SeokJin, from a hidden vantage point, watching JiMin sit in the hospital lounge and read a book. It reminds him of their days in the classroom hideout. “He seems okay right now.” SeokJin receives a call from Uncle JunHo about the scheduling of a Songho Foundation seminar. During their conversation, a loudspeaker announcement summons JiMin to the 2nd floor physical therapy room. He drops the book and runs out of the lounge. Once finished with the call, SeokJin tries to find the book JiMin was reading. He doesn’t see it among those scattered around the lounge and thinks that JiMin must’ve had a reason to hide it. Hoping it will provide him a clue to understanding his friend, SeokJin hunts around either the window or trash can with no luck before turning to the vending machine. After scooting a bookcase out of the way, he is finally able to rescue the item. SeokJin deduces that the workbook doesn’t belong to JiMin because it’s Year 2 material and JiMin was admitted to the hospital in his first year. He finds the detached sheet with two different types of handwriting and determines which belongs to JiMin. The game provides a quick flashback shot of JiMin filling out the paper. “Aspiring Career Path: Will I be able to go to university too? Scholastic Activities: What should I learn in Year 2… Extracurricular Activities: Join the dance club HoSeok started.” SeokJin wonders what JiMin felt as he wrote in the answers. He considers how JiMin people-watched from the hallway and looked happy reading the workbook. “You want to leave, don’t you?” SeokJin thinks. “Let’s get out of here. So you can be the one to decide what kind of life you want to live.” He resolves to break JiMin free.

On 11 May, JiMin stops at the invisible line in the hallway again. He stares at the door before turning around and bumping into someone. He is shocked speechless when he realizes that it’s SeokJin. The next episode continues from this moment but switches to SeokJin’s perspective. He calms JiMin down before bringing him to the lounge, giving the excuse that he was in the hospital to visit someone else. JiMin’s cheeks are hollowed, his hands skinnier than normal. SeokJin wonders if he can inspire JiMin to act if he tells him that he’ll be able to do all of the things he wrote on the career plan once he leaves the hospital. He either asks, “JiMin, are you injured?” or “How long have you been in the hospital?” In both paths, JiMin refers to his wrist injury and the time he’s been in the surgical ward rather than the psychiatric one. He looks grim when he can’t give a proper answer to either “When do you get discharged?” or “Are you sick?” “I think I have to go now. It’s almost time for treatment, too…” JiMin stands to leave, avoiding his gaze. SeokJin rushes after him and blocks his path, knowing this might be their last chance to speak if they say goodbye already. “JiMin, I’m here because I know everything. You want to leave this place, don’t you? You’ve been here for two years.” JiMin steps back but doesn’t run away. “I just happened to hear… how your mother locked you in the psychiatric ward,” SeokJin explains. JiMin shakes his head with a frightened expression. “No. I’m here because I’m sick.” His eyes falter when SeokJin presses, “JiMin, I can help you. Let’s get out of here together.”

Short flashbacks play from JiMin’s perspective alongside his thoughts: “At first, I wanted to leave. I called my mom and cried until my voice went hoarse, asking her to take me home. That I didn’t want to stay here. But she didn’t listen. Because this is where I should be…” Aloud, JiMin speaks in a voice that sounds like he has given up on everything. “Even if I leave, I’ll eventually come back.” SeokJin shakes his head. “What’s important is how you feel. JiMin, you really want to stay here? That’s okay with you?” Depending on the players’ choice, he either continues, “Do you really not have anything you want to do?” or “‘You really want to stay here in the hospital?” In the first path, SeokJin tries to remind him of something he must want to do like studying or dancing. “I don’t… have anything like that,” JiMin lies. In the second path, JiMin says it’s better for him in the hospital because outside people treat him like a freak. SeokJin remembers the women whispering about Sim SeonMi and her hospitalized son at the Songho Foundation meeting. In both paths, JiMin is pale and shaky. SeokJin decides to ask one more time. “You don’t want to go outside and see your friends?” JiMin seems to perk up at the mention of “friends,” but he does not respond or lift his gaze. SeokJin’s parting words are, “Think about it, JiMin… I’ll come back to visit again.”

The next day (12 May), SeokJin reflects on his failure to persuade both JiMin and his mother. “What can I do to help JiMin get over his fear and gain courage?” he wonders. The career plan comes to mind again with JiMin’s notes of college, studying, and dancing—the things he wants to do outside of the hospital. This prompts SeokJin to remember a day in the classroom hideout when he filmed HoSeok dancing. On the sidelines, TaeHyung complimented HoSeok’s moves and asked if JiMin could dance like that. Gaze full of envy and longing, JiMin answered, “No. How could I do that?” “HoSeok! JiMin says he wants to try!” TaeHyung called. Flustered, JiMin tried to stop him, but HoSeok looked over. “Do you want to try?” JiMin insisted that he couldn’t, but TaeHyung pushed him forward and HoSeok gladly demonstrated the routine. JiMin hesitated at first to attempt it alone but began to move at their encouragement. In the present, SeokJin believes that he has found an answer in this memory. “TaeHyung, who pushed him forward… and HoSeok, who believed that he could do it. Maybe one of those two will help JiMin muster up the courage.”

SeokJin picks TaeHyung to help him persuade JiMin, considering that he was the first person to notice how JiMin was feeling when they watched HoSeok dance and helped JiMin take action when he hesitated. (We know from The Notes 1 that SeokJin’s later, successful choice ends up being HoSeok instead.) On 13 May, SeokJin visits TaeHyung’s convenience store to explain JiMin’s situation, and TaeHyung immediately agrees to help. Late that night and with little planned, they sneak into JiMin’s hospital room. Sensing their presence, JiMin turns on the light and is especially surprised to see TaeHyung. “We’re here to get you out of here, JiMin,” he says. “Did you think about it?” SeokJin asks. When JiMin hesitates, TaeHyung presses him to answer honestly. “Park JiMin, do you like being here? Staying here is awful! Let’s leave. You can think when we’re outside.” TaeHyung forces JiMin to his feet even as he hesitates and protests about the impending night rounds, although he does not push TaeHyung’s hand away. SeokJin knows this is hasty but decides to trust TaeHyung. Out in the hallway, he reflects that if even he spoke the same words, JiMin would not agree. SeokJin has encountered moments like this before where his friends solve problems that he cannot fix alone. “TaeHyung seems to be JiMin’s answer, just like YoonGi needed JungKook,” SeokJin thinks. (JungKook saving YoonGi is not a solution that played out in YoonGi’s story, but this is a familiar theme from Notes 1 and forward.)

The elevator arrives as they turn the corner, its doors opening to reveal Sim SeonMi. SeokJin warns, “Hide. It’s JiMin’s mom.” She walks past without noticing them. SeokJin quickly presses the elevator button, but it has already left. “JiMin, quick!” TaeHyung calls. “TaeHyung, I just…” “You can’t look back,” TaeHyung says firmly. He and SeokJin pull JiMin towards the stairwell, but JiMin stops walking. “What’s wrong?” asks TaeHyung. JiMin’s expression is on the verge of crying yet also angry. “I can’t,” he whispers. “Park JiMin, we don’t have time for this—” TaeHyung is interrupted by Sim SeonMi’s distant voice. “Where’d he go? The bathroom?” SeokJin tugs JiMin’s arm, but he looks afraid again. “SeokJin, I… I can’t do this. I don’t think I can.” SeokJin either soothes JiMin himself or has TaeHyung talk to him. In the first path, he takes JiMin’s trembling hand. “It’s safe for me here.” JiMin shakes his head. “No, JiMin. Something bad will happen if you stay here,” SeokJin cautions. “No, I have to stay here. That’s what’s right. I want to stay here,” JiMin insists. In the second path, SeokJin shoots TaeHyung a look, and TaeHyung in turn scans over JiMin. The tapping sound of shoes rings through the silent hallway. TaeHyung begins, “JiMin, if you stop here…” The paths rejoin when Sim SeonMi spots them and calls to JiMin, face livid as she approaches. “Oh… Mom.” The color drains from JiMin’s face. “Please… Please! Can’t you just stay put?” she demands sharply.

TaeHyung attempts to intervene, introducing himself as JiMin’s friend. Sim SeonMi does not look at him even when he explains that JiMin didn’t expect their visit and they were just taking him outside so as not to disturb the sleeping patients. SeokJin chimes in too, hoping their flimsy excuse will work, but Sim SeonMi orders JiMin back to his room. Looking defeated, JiMin trudges out of sight. Sim SeonMi finally turns her gaze on SeokJin, regarding him with the same expression as she utters the same words from the last loop. “I didn't know you were JiMin’s friend.” She warns them not to visit him again like this because he is very sick and it will interfere with his treatment. Before coldly turning to leave, she touches TaeHyung’s shoulder for a moment. (This same gesture was given to HoSeok in the hospital after JiMin’s seizure at the bus stop on 15 September Year 20 in Notes 1.) Her presence is like a wall separating them from JiMin. (SeokJin’s observation echoes HoSeok’s feeling that she was drawing an uncrossable line between them that September.) TaeHyung yells after her, “What’s wrong with him?! You can’t even spare the time to talk to us?!” SeokJin cautions him to stop. “Let me go! JiMin! Park JiMin!” TaeHyung’s voice rings loudly in the hallway, but no one answers. As they leave the hospital, he asks, “Do you think JiMin will be okay?” SeokJin cannot respond because he knows the truth: when JiMin returns to the psychiatric ward, he always makes the same awful choice.

The story cuts to JiMin sitting on his hospital bed and staring at his feet, unable to face his mother. He regrets following SeokJin and TaeHyung. “It was a lie, wasn’t it?” Sim SeonMi asks. “What those kids said earlier. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” JiMin apologizes, throat catching. “What were you going to do? What could you possibly do outside of this place?” she demands. JiMin remembers all the things he thought about alone in the lounge: going to school, making friends, and learning dance from HoSeok again. “I want to live a regular life. It’s nothing that special. Why is it that I’m not allowed to dream?” he thinks. “JiMin, let’s focus on getting better first. When you’re all better… I’ll let you do whatever you want once you’re discharged. But you know that now isn’t the time. Let’s do it when you’re back to normal,” Sim SeonMi advises with a power in her voice that he can’t fight. Questions pile up in his head: what is getting better, and what is normal? But he holds it in and nods, not wanting to make things any more difficult for her. “Okay, Mom. I will…” As he speaks, it dawns on him that he’ll never get to leave the hospital.

JiMin moves back to the psychiatric ward after SeokJin and TaeHyung’s visit. The place is still the same: a man mutters that he’s not crazy; a child stays glued to the window, waiting for their mom. “And then there’s me, unable to progress because I’m locked in the past. If nothing changes even as time flows, how is it any different than time standing still?” On 19 May, JiMin stands in the bathroom with the water running. He sees and hears the falling drops as rain and smells a sharp stickiness. Reflected in the water in the sink, he sees a vision of himself on “that day.” (This is referring to 6 April Year 11 and the events of the arboretum, first introduced in that dated entry in The Notes 1 and revealed in full on 12 August Year 22 of The Notes 2.) “...I hate it.” JiMin covers his eyes. “I want to forget everything. I want to rest.” The glass shatters, concluding his arc.

Someone Left Behind

HoSeok’s story opens on 11 May Year 22 with SeokJin providing some chronological context. So far, he has not made it to June once in the loops because HoSeok collapses from his narcolepsy and JiMin is still trapped in the hospital. SeokJin can encounter JiMin naturally if he admits HoSeok to the hospital after his collapse on 10 May, but HoSeok has an accident in the hospital stairwell and falls into despair over his leg injury. (10 May is the date HoSeok collapses and wakes up in the hospital in The Notes 1, and this is likely the moment referenced by his bridge scene in the I Need U MV.) Even if SeokJin prevents that accident or helps HoSeok avoid admittance to the hospital entirely, his narcolepsy grows worse over time after 10 May. SeokJin determines that he needs to control HoSeok’s narcolepsy in order to save him, and he heads to Two Star Burger where HoSeok works to begin earnestly investigating.

A cutscene plays out at the restaurant: HoSeok, wearing a manager’s tag, watches two friends eating at a table while someone places their order with him. His expression is distant and briefly sad until he catches himself and smiles brightly at the customer. When the door chimes, he greets the new visitor and realizes it’s SeokJin. This is apparently their first time meeting in this loop because HoSeok heard from the other guys that Seokjin returned. SeokJin asks how he’s doing, and HoSeok replies, “Me? Same as usual.” SeokJin knows that “same as usual” means HoSeok’s life has a set, monotonous routine: working his part-time job, going to dance practice, and occasionally visiting the children’s home. Sometimes, he also comes to the bridge over the river and watches the scenery. The scene transitions to this location later at night as SeokJin narrates this. He stands at a distance so HoSeok doesn’t see him. HoSeok’s out-of-character, melancholy expression worries SeokJin. He hasn’t observed any changes to his friend’s daily routine, and HoSeok hasn’t collapsed recently—so why does he keep collapsing on 10 May?

The narrative cuts to 3 May. (I double-checked the dates and can only assume that this is a new loop, although a reset is not specifically mentioned—or else the opening date was a typo.) SeokJin mulls the situation over alone for a while but ends up going to NamJoon out of frustration. NamJoon and HoSeok share similarities, and they’re both responsible for other people. Believing that NamJoon knows HoSeok best, SeokJin visits his container. NamJoon greets him warmly. JungKook is already there, killing time after school. SeokJin mentions that he saw HoSeok a few days earlier at Two Star Burger but couldn’t really talk to him because he was busy. NamJoon suggests inviting him to join them after work and bring some hamburgers too since JungKook is hungry. SeokJin either calls HoSeok himself or lets JungKook call. In the first path, HoSeok says he’ll come as soon as SeokJin mentions that a few of them are together. In the second path, while JungKook is on the phone, SeokJin asks NamJoon how HoSeok is and learns that he practices dance at the cultural center every day. SeokJin wonders if HoSeok is pushing himself too hard. The paths rejoin: before HoSeok arrives, SeokJin inquires about his narcolepsy too. NamJoon doesn’t know much except that he’s still taking medication for it and seems to be doing okay. It seems that no one dares to bring it up since HoSeok doesn’t speak about it openly. The conversation trails off while they wait, although it’s not awkward—it reminds SeokJin of old times together.

HoSeok arrives with a cheerful greeting, wafting in the smell of fresh hamburgers. “These hamburgers were hand-made by the employee of the month!” He rustles through the bags and produces a kid’s meal boxed toy, giving it to JungKook. “Here’s your Children’s Day gift!” JungKook pouts that he’s not a kid but seems pleased to receive a gift even though it’s a couple days early. HoSeok explains that he has to be at the children’s home on 5 May. NamJoon asks if they’re hosting an event that day. “It’s not really an event… I’m going to see the families,” says HoSeok. He plans to bring hamburgers and play with the kids rather than bring gifts. SeokJin is surprised to hear that almost twenty children, ranging from young kids to high schoolers, live at the home. “‘That’s more than I expected. It must be fun when everyone plays together.” HoSeok invites him to come along to take photos of everyone, and SeokJin agrees with a high-five. NamJoon declines because he’s too busy, and JungKook hesitates. HoSeok assures him not to feel pressured, causing SeokJin to reflect on how he has always been the “mood-maker” whose cheerful personality eases awkward situations and defuses disagreements. While lost in thought, he notices HoSeok taking out his medication. “How are you these days? Do you feel better?” NamJoon checks. “Hmm. I don’t have any symptoms, but I shouldn’t be skipping these.” A grim expression flashes across HoSeok’s face. SeokJin thinks, “It doesn’t mean he’s alright just because he smiles in front of people.” He guesses that HoSeok must feel scared of his condition, not knowing when he’ll collapse next. It’s not enough for SeokJin to prevent the accidents he can see or to stop HoSeok from getting injured—he must save him from the fear that isn’t visible. SeokJin resolves to find out what makes him collapse. Even if the condition isn’t curable, discovering the cause might help HoSeok get better.

On 5 May, SeokJin meets up with HoSeok at the children’s home, which is located near Yangji Stream. HoSeo looks happy and explains that visiting there is like coming home. They bring their respective gifts of hamburgers and snacks inside, and all the kids rush to HoSeok in excitement. One of the home’s staff greets them. HoSeok introduces her as Kim JungHee. He calls her “auntie” and regards her as someone who has been like a mother to him. As SeokJin helps her set the table with food, he thinks that the children’s home feels like an ordinary family home and HoSeok looks like the dependable older brother among all the kids. After taking all the requested pictures later, SeokJin joins HoSeok to watch the children play outside. “You’re on good terms with the kids,” he observes. “I’ve only been out of the children’s home about three months now, so I know them all,” HoSeok explains. (He moved into his rooftop room on 25 Feb Year 22 according to that date’s Note accompanying the Persona album.) SeokJin either comments, “Auntie seems like a great person. She treated me well and we’ve only just met,” or asks, “How old were you when you first came here?” In both paths, HoSeok speaks with visible adoration for Kim JungHee. In the first path, he mentions that although she’s scary when mad, she never gets angry without a reason. “Auntie JungHee is just… like a mom. She’s mom.” In the second path, HoSeok answers that he was seven when he moved into the children’s home. He describes how Auntie would sing him songs that his mother listened to instead of a lullaby when he had trouble falling asleep, and that was the first time he cried after coming to the home. SeokJin begins, “Then, HoSeok, when you were little…” But a boy’s cries interrupt him before he can ask if HoSeok experienced narcolepsy when he was younger. “What’s wrong, JiHun?” HoSeok asks in concern. The sobbing boy shows him a broken toy rocket. “My mom… gave this to me.” HoSeok is at a loss because it looks impossible to fix. “I’ll bring you a new one next time. Don’t cry, JiHun. Okay?” The boy keeps crying despite HoSeok’s attempts at consolation. Before SeokJin can think of another tactic, HoSeok speaks up, drying JiHun’s tears. “JiHun, do you want to go with me to see a real rocket?”

At HoSeok’s request, SeokJin drives them both to Yeongsan Bridge, one of the bridges that crosses Yangji Stream and that HoSeok frequents. SeokJin is perplexed about what could count as a “real rocket” as they head to HoSeok’s usual spot on the bridge, and JiHun appears suspicious but excited. “Look over there!” HoSeok points to the train departing Songju Station in the distance, picking up speed on the tracks. “Wow!” JiHun exclaims. “What do you think? That rocket looks cool, huh?” asks HoSeok. “Rocket? That’s a train,” says the boy. “Look closely! It’s a rocket.” HoSeok beams. JiHun asks HoSeok why he calls it a rocket. HoSeok explains that the front end of the train is pointy like a rocket and that it takes people somewhere far away. (He also refers to the trains as rockets in his 4 July Year 22 entry from The Notes 2.) SeokJin realizes that from his vantage point on the bridge, HoSeko has been watching the train that leaves Songju. “JiHun, you can wish on the rocket, too!” HoSeok describes how the rocket can carry dreams because the people who ride on it have dreams. JiHun wishes to become famous so his mom can find him. HoSeok falls silent for a moment before resuming his chatty demeanor. Together they wish on the rocket for JiHun to see his mom again. JiHun asks HoSeok what he wishes for so they can wish it on the next rocket. HoSeok whispers in his ear. “Wow, you too?!” JiHun exclaims. HoSeok shushes him, so SeokJin does not learn HoSeok’s answer.

After dropping JiHun off at the children’s home, SeokJin and HoSeok relax at a bar. HoSeok thanks him for his help that day. SeokJin asks if HoSeok visits Yeongsan Bridge frequently to look at the trains. HoSeok smiles bashfully over his drink and explains that he liked visiting it when he lived in the children’s home. “Is that when you came up with the rocket story?” SeokJin asks. HoSeok replies, ‘Yeah. The people getting on the train look so cheerful and happy. It almost makes me want to get on there with them, too.” He stops abruptly and calls out to a customer on his way out. The young man is introduced as DongJin, a friend who also grew up in the children’s home. SeokJin invites him to sit with them, hoping that he knows more about HoSeok, but DongJin declines since he’s with other company. Before departing, he mentions that he will stop by Two Star Burger to see HoSeok soon. After his friend leaves, HoSeok tells SeokJin more about his childhood. SeokJin understands why he considers the people at the children’s home his family.

A little tipsy now, HoSeok brings up another memory. The whole family at the children’s home goes to Yangji Stream on August 30th for the yearly fireworks, but when he was about nine, he had to be admitted to the hospital for a check-up. SeokJin either asks, “Did you miss the fireworks that year?” or “Were you sick?” In the first path, HoSeok describes how he snuck out of his hospital room and up to the rooftop to watch the fireworks. Along the way, he found a little kid crying in the stairwell who was looking for his mom and wanted to leave, and he brought the boy to the roof so they could view the fireworks together. He doesn’t know who the kid was or remember his face. (See the Additional Thoughts section at the end for who I hope this kid really was!) In the second path, HoSeok answers that he was falling asleep without explanation but the doctor said there was nothing particularly abnormal. SeokJin tries to ask a leading question to get him to reveal more, but HoSeok’s expression is grim. The paths rejoin with HoSeok asking SeokJin if he has attended the fireworks festival too. He looks wistful when SeokJin replies that he went with his family when he was younger. HoSeok brings up DongJin again. “He’s a really lucky guy. Even though it was pretty late, he got in touch with his parents and moved out to go live with them.” His eyes reflect bitterness. “DongJin and I… both dreamed of going to the fireworks festival with our parents. I guess he’ll achieve his dream for the first time this year.” SeokJin recalls HoSeok’s rocket story and asks if that’s the dream he told JiHun about earlier. HoSeok dismisses this: his dream now is to become famous for dancing. SeokJin remembers him mentioning this in high school. “Right, you said you wanted to become famous as a dancer so it would help you find your mom… Are you still dancing because of that?” HoSeok says that was why he first started but he grew to really love dance. “You don’t have any plans to go find your mom, then?” SeokJin asks. “Why would I go anywhere? My home, work, and friends are all here.” HoSeok laughs, but it seems like he is just holding on rather than truly feeling happy. “I just… like where I am.”

Episode four begins on 8 May, Parents’ Day, in HoSeok’s perspective. As promised, DongJin visits him at Two Star Burger and asks if he can get a job there because he needs money. HoSeok is taken aback since DongJin supposedly has moved out of Songju to live with his father after reconnecting with his family. “What happened to your self-reliance support fund?” DongJin confesses that he gave it all to his father, who said that he needed it to buy them a house but hasn’t contacted him since receiving the money. “I think my expectations were too high. They abandoned me once. Why wouldn’t they abandon me a second time? I wish I hadn’t met them…” DongJin’s voice wavers. HoSeok assures him that his father must be busy looking for houses. “Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll contact you soon. I’ll look into a job for you.” DongJin thanks him multiple times before leaving. After work, HoSeok returns to the bridge and leans on the railing. He often does this even when there are no passing trains—watching the flow of the river empties his mind and puts him at ease. But the calm water cannot still his thoughts today. He thinks about the many children at the home who want to be reunited with their parents, including JiHun, DongJin, and himself. HoSeok is honest about his feelings, acknowledging that he envies DongJin for being able to contact a parent, even one who let him down. He closes his eyes and remembers the day his mom abandoned him at the carousel. In the memory, she hands him a chocolate bar and instructs him to count to ten before opening his eyes. The screen goes black after “three,” and at “nine,” the player hears the sound of someone falling. (The carousel memory is also depicted in the Highlight Reel.)

The story cuts to the next day, 9 May, outside Two Star Burger. SeokJin is uneasy knowing that HoSeok collapsed yesterday, two days earlier than he normally does in the loops, and hovers nearby to keep an eye on him. HoSeok announces that he’s heading out for a delivery and heads outside to the delivery scooter. A passing woman reminds her daughter to count before crossing the street. “One, two, three…” HoSeok watches them cross the street and collapses again. “HoSeok!” SeokJin cries. He gets permission from the restaurant manager to take a still-unconscious HoSeok home to his room that overlooks all of Songju City. SeokJin helps HoSeok onto his bed before looking around his room. The player has a choice to look at the items on the desk or a familiar planter on the dresser. In the first path, SeokJin clicks past the screensaver on HoSeok’s laptop and sees that the web browser is open to an audition information video for a famous international dance team. (This may be the same dance team that one of his friends from the children’s home successfully auditions for, referenced in HoSeok’s 4 July Year 22 entry accompanying the Tear album and 7 July Year 22 entry in The Notes 1.) He remembers HoSeok mentioning that he’s happiest when dancing and knows that he still runs Just Dance, the dance club he started in high school. “I’m sure he’d do well if he applies,” SeokJin muses. In the second path, SeokJin recognizes the plant as the one HoSeok tended every day in their classroom hideout. He wonders what HoSeok was thinking when he brought the plant home and how he feels caring for it. The paths rejoin with HoSeok stirring on the bed, mumbling “Mmm… Mom… Don’t go…” SeokJin recalls that HoSeok called for his mother when he fell asleep in high school. “Is the memory of losing his mom related to his narcolepsy?” he thinks. “Are you okay, HoSeok?” SeokJin asks when HoSeok opens his eyes. HoSeok is confused to find himself at home. SeokJin explains that he happened to see him collapse as he was passing by and assures him that he spoke to his manager. “HoSeok, you know how you keep collapsing… The hospital doesn’t know why yet? You don’t have any idea what makes you collapse, either?” he presses. But HoSeok shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

On 10 May, HoSeok receives a call from one of the younger kids from the children’s home while getting ready for work in his apartment. The kid informs him that Auntie JungHee isn’t working at the home anymore because she has been diagnosed with late-stage colon cancer. She is scheduled to have surgery, but the chances of success are low. HoSeok’s mind goes blank, and he hangs up. When he rushes outside, he runs into SeokJin. “I stopped by because I was worried. Are you headed out?” asks SeokJin. Consumed with the thought of getting to Auntie, HoSeok says he needs to visit JungHee and doesn’t have time to ask why SeokJin is there. SeokJin follows, offering him a ride. The player chooses to have HoSeok either get in the car or refuse the ride. In the first path, HoSeok pretends to be calm when explaining the situation to SeokJin, but his voice noticeably trembles. In the second path, he declines because he’s afraid that speaking about it will make it come true, and then he runs to the bus stop.

The story cuts to HoSeok standing on the bridge, unable to remember how he made it to Auntie’s house after saying goodbye to SeokJin. He can only recall the face he saw through one of the open windows of Auntie’s house: JungHee laughing as she chatted with someone. The news of her illness and the low success rate of the surgery seems like a lie. She was the first person he could rely on after HoSeok lost his mom. He can’t shake off the vision of himself standing in front of the carousel “like an idiot.” Head spinning, he thinks, “I just wanted them to stay by my side. Is that too much to ask? What kind of terrible thing have I ever done?” The perspective switches to SeokJin as he watches HoSeok walk precariously across the bridge, looking both shocked and deeply sad. He reflects on his failed attempts to prevent HoSeok from collapsing here. Even if he stays with HoSeok like he did with JungKook or intervenes like he did with YoonGi, HoSeok always runs to JungHee’s home and then collapses on this bridge on his way back. SeokJin is aware that JungHee has cancer (so the first path of the branching choices has happened at least once, or he found out in earlier loops). The extra collapses of this loop weigh on SeokJin’s mind too. Something changed after HoSeok met DongJin, and SeokJin regrets taking him to the bar on 5 May. He looks on as HoSeok inevitably staggers and falls in the same spot.

SeokJin calls 119 and has HoSeok admitted to the hospital. As before, HoSeok is placed in the same hospital room of the surgery ward as JiMin. SeokJin decides not to visit him because he is afraid of running into JiMin and unsure of what will play out if he does. Now that HoSeok is in the hospital, there is no way to avoid the future accident in the stairwell. A few days later, SeokJin scopes out the scene. He mulls over the repeating scenario of HoSeok chasing down the stairs after a woman he mistakes for his mother. SeokJin connects the dots between HoSeok calling for his mother in his sleep and the way he cried in front of his Auntie’s house. “Everything has to do with ‘mom.’ If HoSeok’s narcolepsy is because of ‘mom,’ does that mean this accident is connected to the idea of mom, too?” In other loops in which SeokJin successfully prevented the stairwell accident, HoSeok continued to collapse more frequently until he eventually did so in the street. SeokJin contemplates how his condition apparently worsens after he sees a woman that reminds him of his mother.

The day after HoSeok is admitted to the hospital, 11 May, SeokJin invites NamJoon to meet him at a cart bar after his work shift. NamJoon brings up HoSeok first. Unable to say that he was the one to call for help, SeokJin pretends to be surprised that HoSeok is in the hospital. NamJoon reports that HoSeok had a minor concussion and is staying there for a couple days so the doctors can run additional tests. SeokJin wonders if HoSeok dreamt of his mother again and feels a pang at the image of him haunted by nightmares. He proceeds to tell NamJoon about their visit to the children’s home, meeting DongJin, and learning about the auntie’s illness. Cautiously, SeokJin proposes that HoSeok’s collapsing may be related to his mother. NamJoon mulls it over before agreeing. “I guess it could. Thinking about his auntie might have led him to think about his mom.” “I’m sure he feels like he’s losing his mother a second time,” SeokJin adds. NamJoon asks if he knows HoSeok’s wish to become a famous dancer in order to find his mom, although his dancing grew into a genuine source of joy. “So I thought… Dance had become Jung HoSeok’s cure. Something that helps him hold on. The thing that helps him bear something he can’t otherwise. That’s what dance is to HoSeok. Don’t you have something like that, SeokJin?” NamJoon regards him silently after this, leaving SeokJin much to contemplate. They promise to visit HoSeok together at the hospital. SeokJin hopes that if NamJoon knows just how much dancing means to HoSeok, he may figure out something from HoSeok’s reaction in the stairwell that SeokJin has missed. He just needs to figure out a natural way to get NamJoon into the stairwell at the right time.

On 12 May, SeokJin and NamJoon meet at the hospital. SeokJin suggests that they take the stairs since the elevators are crowded and lies about HoSeok being on the 3rd floor to strengthen his excuse. When they arrive on the 2nd floor landing, they hear footsteps and voices from above. The woman descending the stairs with a child is the one whom HoSeok keeps mistaking for his mother. SeokJin needs to stall until HoSeok comes down too, so he either suggests that they buy some snacks to bring or mentions that he may have got the wrong floor number and checks his phone. Moments later, they hear pounding footsteps and HoSeok shouting, “Mom!” NamJoon locks eyes with HoSeok and, unaware of what is about to happen, turns to follow the woman. “Ma’am! Excuse me!” Caught off guard, SeokJin is too late to grab HoSeok, who falls and screams. As he rolls on the floor clutching his leg, sealing the injury that will prevent him from dancing, the glass shatters.

SeokJin involves NamJoon in several more loops after that, but his attempts to save HoSeok end in failure. He wonders again if he should admit HoSeok to the hospital at all, but decides that if the incident is connected to HoSeok’s trauma, it needs to be solved rather than avoided. On a new 12 May, SeokJin stands near the hospital stairwell, prepared to intervene himself and ask HoSeok about his mother afterward. He spots JiMin emerging from the 2nd floor physical therapy room and pressing the elevator button. Hiding out of sight in the stairwell, SeokJin mulls over his options. If he prevents HoSeok’s accident, he still needs to get JiMin out of the hospital too—an effort that has been unsuccessful so far due to JiMin stopping at the exit or later having a seizure when they pass the arboretum. “Maybe the answer to HoSeok is… JiMin? What if… this incident is the variable between HoSeok and JiMin?” Heart pounding, SeokJin begins to hope that they can save each other. He doesn’t have enough time before HoSeok comes down the stairs to figure out what to say to JiMin and decides that he will just have to make the reason for his presence in the hospital believable. “JiMin!” he calls. “SeokJin? How are you here—” Looking shocked, JiMin steps back like he’s about to run away. SeokJin realizes that they haven’t met in this loop yet, and JiMin strongly dislikes people knowing that he’s in the hospital. With no time to explain, SeokJin leaves him behind and rushes into the stairwell. But he’s too late to catch HoSeok’s fall, and the story concludes with the glass shattering once again. (Based on The Notes 1, we know that the “successful” decision SeokJin makes in later loops is to stay out of sight when he calls JiMin. JiMin is puzzled by the silhouette he sees in the doorway and enters the stairwell just in time to catch HoSeok.)

Additional Thoughts

JiMin’s mother, Sim SeonMi, becomes one of the most fleshed-out adult characters in the BU narrative so far thanks to his story. We already knew the most about SeokJin’s father, Kim ChangJun, due to his role in The Notes 2. I’ve had an inkling of a suspicion that JiMin’s parents were connected in some way to SeokJin’s father, so I was satisfied to see this confirmed in the game. I’m curious about JiMin’s father and the lack of details surrounding him. He has only been depicted once in The Notes 1, when JiMin returned home days after sneaking out of the hospital with his friends.

Though it’s never explicitly stated in the texts, the Wings Short Film #6 MAMA depicts that HoSeok is diagnosed with Munchausen’s syndrome, a psychological disorder in which the individual pretends to be ill or deliberately produces symptoms of the illness. His prescription pills are actually placebos. On 16 May Year 22 in The Notes 1, HoSeok confesses to JiMin that his narcolepsy is fake, although he doesn’t feign symptoms on purpose.

I was personally a little disappointed with the lack of new information in HoSeok’s story. While his relationships with the auntie and other children from the home are explored in greater detail, the most significant plot points if his arc have already been covered as of The Notes 2.

I have no proof for this, but I want the unidentified crying boy who young HoSeok met in the hospital stairwell and brought to the rooftop to see the fireworks to be JiMin. If HoSeok was 9 at the time, then JiMin was 7. He has been in and out of the hospital since the arboretum incident (earlier that same year), so it is plausible that he had an overlapping stay with HoSeok in the summer of Year 11.

As mentioned above, the following “tl;dr” commentary summarizes the parenthetical notes I provided in the summaries in case you want to review them on their own.

Stopped Time — tl;dr commentary

In the opening cutscene, JiMin plays on the colored tiles in a hospital hallway and stops when he reaches “the line” by the exit door. This line marks the end of the psychiatric ward and is first described in his 11 May Year 22 entry in The Notes 1.

The Songho Foundation patron meeting that SeokJin attends on 22 April Year 22 was suggested by the city’s Deputy Mayor at the inauguration ceremony on 11 April. That earlier ceremony played out in JungKook’s arc.

Before the loop reset, SeokJin waits outside the Gyeong Il Hospital as he plans his next move since JiMin is moving out of the surgical ward that day. The date is unspecified in the game, but in The Notes 1, he is scheduled to return to the psychiatric ward on 16 May.

In this story, SeokJin picks TaeHyung to help him free JiMin from the hospital. He hopes that TaeHyung will be JiMin’s “answer,” just like YoonGi needed JungKook. JungKook saving YoonGi is not a solution that played out in YoonGi’s story, but this is a familiar theme from Notes 1 and forward. However, SeokJin and TaeHyung are caught by JiMin’s mother while trying to leave the hospital with him. We know from The Notes 1 that SeokJin’s later, successful choice ends up being HoSeok instead.

Before coldly leaving SeokJin and TaeHyung to rejoin her son, Sim SeonMi touches TaeHyung’s shoulder for a moment. This same gesture was given to HoSeok in the hospital after JiMin’s seizure at the bus stop on 15 September Year 20 in Notes 1. To SeokJin, her presence is like a wall separating them from JiMin. This echoes HoSeok’s feeling that she was drawing an uncrossable line between them that September.

At the end of the story, the vision JiMin sees reflected in the sink water of “that day” is referring to 6 April Year 11 and the events of the arboretum, first introduced in that dated entry in The Notes 1 and revealed in full on 12 August Year 22 of The Notes 2.

Someone Left Behind — tl;dr commentary

In the story’s opening, SeokJin refers to HoSeok’s collapse on 10 May. This is the date that HoSeok collapses and wakes up in the hospital in The Notes 1, and it is likely the moment referenced by his bridge scene in the I Need U MV.

When SeokJin observes that HoSeok is on good terms with the kids from the children’s home, HoSeok explains that he’s only been out of the home for about three months. He moved into his rooftop room on 25 Feb Year 22 according to that date’s Note accompanying the Persona album.

As he does in the game, HoSeok refers to the trains as “rockets” in his 4 July Year 22 entry from The Notes 2.

HoSeok’s memory of being abandoned at the carousel is also depicted in the Highlight Reel.

When searching HoSeok’s apartment, SeokJin notices the laptop’s web browser is open to an audition information video for a famous international dance team. This may be the same dance team that one of his friends from the children’s home successfully auditions for, referenced in HoSeok’s 4 July Year 22 entry accompanying the Tear album and 7 July Year 22 entry in The Notes 1.

At the end of the story, SeokJin hopes to gain JiMin’s help to save HoSeok but ends up spooking him because they haven’t met in that loop yet. Based on The Notes 1, we know that the “successful” decision SeokJin makes in later loops is to stay out of sight when he calls JiMin. JiMin is puzzled by the silhouette he sees in the doorway and enters the stairwell just in time to catch HoSeok.

Did you learn anything new from these stories that I did not specifically mention? Let me know in the replies or tags! Please stay tuned for part 4, featuring TaeHyung and the Epilogue.

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carriagelamp · 3 years

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Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

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inkmyname · 3 years

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The Ember Island Players: performing toxic masculinity and narrative complicity in propagating misogyny

Initially I wasn’t going to respond to concerns about Katara’s racist/misogynistic portrayal in the Ember Island Players with anything more than snarky tags, but apparently I can’t keep my mouth shut, so I’m posting my response as a standalone meta about how the writers’ insistence on creating drama for drama’s sake leads them to--in lieu of actual character development--fall back on lazy narrative shortcuts whereby a performance of toxic masculinity against a gendered heternormative background is used to create tension in a romantic relationship, presumably with the goal of keeping the audience invested.

The Ember Island Players is problematic for a lot of reasons, not least of which is the pervasive tone-deaf misogyny, including racialized misogyny, directed at Katara. There’s a lot of meta on this, so I’d like to focus on something different: Aang’s relationship with gender and romantic attachments.

Aang seems so uncharacteristically chagrined the whole episode: “I’m not a woman!” Based on his previous characterization up to this point:

The Fortuneteller. This is the same Aang who makes a necklace for Katara when she loses her mother’s. Observe how he responds to Sokka’s jibe about jewelry-making, which can be seen as a feminine pursuit: Sokka: Great, Aang. Maybe instead of saving the world, you can go into the jewelry-making business. Aang: I don’t see why I can’t do both. Femininity isn’t presented as being mutually exclusive with narrative pursuits like saving the world which have traditionally centered male protagonists (especially if we take the entire canon of anything every written in any genre that’s not specifically, say, something like shoujo or jounen which are directed and young girls and women, the narrative focus on male personalities is overwhelming).

The Warriors of Kyoshi. Oh, and this is the same Aang that dressed up in full Kyoshi gear, kabuki makeup and all, without complaint. Why would he? After all, she was him in a past life. (There’s a whole meta here about gender-critical analysis of kabuki productions where male actors typically assumed female roles and how Avatar both takes inspiration from this real-life kernel and subverts it in Rise of Kyoshi where Kyoshi’s signature look is not only an homage to her parental heritage but also a reimagining of who can inhabit what roles. Her legacy, though imperfect, is also notably feminist, taking face paint worn typically by men IRL and expanding it into war paint for women warriors.) (There’s also great headcanon-adjacent meta here about gender non-conformity and non-binary identities in Avatar. Avatar was not overtly explicit about its feminist or gender-progressive mindset outside of episodes like The Warriors of Kyoshi or The Waterbending Master, but it was still way ahead of its time. If anyone was to be presented or headcanoned in such a way, it would be the Avatar who’s lived a thousand lives, inhabiting a thousand skins and a thousand identities, including gender identities. There’s also cool crossover meta here about the Legend of Korra depicting a female Avatar in Korra with masculine tendencies and visible muscle vs Aang as a male Avatar with a gentler pacifistic spirit and gender nonconforming tendencies.)

The Cave of Two Lovers. Aang wears a freaking flower crown and is generally wholesome and adorable, even leading up to the “let’s kiss lest we die” scene with Katara. He’s not pushy or overly concerned with appearing masculine and it is in fact Katara who suggests the kiss and Aang makes a fool of himself. From the transcript: Katara [Shyly, blushing.] Well, what if we … kissed? Aang [Very surprised.] Us … kissing‌? Katara See? It was a crazy idea. Aang [Dreamily.] Us … kissing … Katara [Fake-jokingly.] Us kissing. What was I thinking? Can you imagine that‌? Aang [Fake-jokingly.] Yeah. [Awkwardly laughs.] I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you! [Beat.] Katara [Insulted.] Oh, well! I didn’t realize it was such a horrible option. [Angrily.] Sorry I suggested it! Aang [Realizing his mistake.] No, no, I mean … if there was a choice between kissing you and dying … Katara [Disgusted.] Ugh! Aang [Desperately.] What? I’m saying is I would rather kiss you than die - that’s a compliment. Katara [Enraged.] Well, I’m not sure which I’d rather do! [Slams the torch into his hand and storms away.] Aang [Miserably.] What is wrong with me … Aang, sweetie, this is not what you say to a girl you want to kiss, but generally, this is Wholesome™ and narratively, this is Good™. Eventually, they do kiss and that’s perfectly acceptable because there’s a whole conversation beforehand with humorous romantic framing. There’s consent and communication and initiative by the female protagonist. So solid A on the sensitive writing.

General Air Nomad culture. We don’t get a lot of Air Nomad culture in the show (and what little we do get what presented in such a misguided way, especially the whole commitment to forgiveness/pacifism which was handled in such an amateur black-and-white way from a writing perspective in season 3). But I digress. I really, really don’t think that Air Nomads who were so concerned with the spiritual side of bending and general existence had stringent notions of gender and romantic relationships–at the very least, they had very different notions of these issues compared to, say, the Northern Water Tribe. Canonically, even though AN philosophy emphasized detachment, Air Nomads practiced free love. Same-gender romance was freely accepted unlike in the homophobic Earth Kingdom (which even Kyoshi, a bisexual woman, wasn’t able to change) and the militant Fire Nation (Sozin outlawed homosexuality after declaring world war, essentially). And though the temples were gender-segregated, it seems that the burden of raising children fell to the entire community instead of just the women. Both male and female Air Nomads are revered. In the case of the former, Guru Laghima who unlocked the power of flight through achieving complete detachment from the material world. And in the case of the latter, Avatar Yangchen, who has statues everywhere because she came to be revered as a deity not just among Air Nomads but in the physical world in general. Nowhere in Air Nomad philosophy is the concept of gender, romance, love, sexuality, relationships etc. etc. tainted with jealousy and possessiveness (especially towards women) or rigid binary heternormativity.

So this was Aang for the better part of the first half of the series. Not overly concerned with gender roles. Pretty much fumbling his way through his first crush like a lovesick puppy and it’s all very wholesome. Supposedly a classic product of Air Nomad upbringing.

Meanwhile, Aang in EIP:

Checks out Katara’s butt as she’s sitting down.

Gets mad at being portrayed by a woman.

Accuses Katara of being the racialized misogynistic version of herself depicted on stage ([sarcastically]“Yeah, that’s not you at all.”).

Nods in agreement when the misogynistic stage production of Katara presents her as the “Avatar’s girl.”

Unable to differentiate between fiction and reality and puts the onus on Katara to do the emotional labor to justify something she never said (”Katara, did you really mean what you said in there? On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.”)

Assumes they would just… fall into a relationship… just because he forcibly kissed her at the invasion and again pressures Katara to do the emotional labor to justify why their relationship is not how he wants it (“But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.” / “Aang, I don’t know.” / “Why don’t you know?”)

Forces a non-consensual kiss on her even though “I just said I was confused!”

So, there’s so many things wrong with this, most of which are a laundry list of behaviors typical of toxic masculinity:

Ogling

Outdated misogynistic humor (what’s wrong with being a woman?)

Verbal abuse

Offloading emotional labor

Gaslighting

Pressuring a potential romantic partner

Lack of direct communication about romantic desires

Lack of sensitivity

Lack of active listening

Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy

Lack of consent and sexual assault

I could go on and on.

My question is Where and when did he learn these toxic behaviors? What happened to the wholesome boy making necklaces, wearing flower crowns, and generally being adorable in a kid with a first crush kind of way when it comes to romance?

Now, you can argue that EIP players Aang has been through a lot, including being shot by lightning and actually dying, and after the failed invasion, he’s stressed out with the weight of the world on his shoulders and maybe not expressing himself or his desires in the best way and taking out all of his frustrations on Katara.

Except… that is all just conjecture because the actual writing of the show doesn’t put in the hard work and make those connections. Instead, they fall back on misogynistic tropes and toxic heternormative romance tropes and a forced love triangle subtext and they just, to put it politely, fuck it up, two and a half seasons’ worth of work, gone, in the space of one episode. And even if it weren’t conjecture, it would still be wrong of Aang to act the way he did.

Let’s list Aang and Katara’s interaction in relation to each other in season 3:

The Headband. “Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now,” Aang says as he pulls Katara into a dance. I have qualms about the writing of this episode: the creators wasted a golden opportunity to flesh out the Air Nomad genocide because they were too busy playing footloose in a cave, they wrote Katara–the same Katara would said fuck you to Pakku, freed enslaved earthbenders from a Fire Navy prison, and became a spirit goddess ecoterrorist to help a village in an enemy nation–as uncharacteristically shy just so Aang could sweep in and pull her into a dance. But like fine, whatever. It’s cute and really well-chreographed and there’s actually appropriate romantic framing here for once and at the end of the dance, look at Katara’s face–she’s happy! Positive Kataang interaction, and I don’t actually mind it. 7/10.

The Day of Black Sun Pt.1. He forces a kiss on her on the mouth, taking her completely by surprise. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a wistful pining last look and “Be safe” might have been acceptable, but given Katara’s shocked and uncomfortable body language, the kiss on the mouth was not. Worse yet, the show just… forgets… to follow up on it for several episodes and when it’s brought up again, it’s used as a sledgehammer to punish Katara for not magically being with Aang. 0/10.

The Painted Lady. Let’s look at the transcript: Katara [Using a disguised voice.] Well, hello Avatar. I wish I could talk, but I am very busy. Aang Yeah, me too. I hate that. [Looks at Katara’s face from behind the veil.] You know, you’re really pretty, for a spirit. I don’t meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive. [Looks at Katara suspiciously. Tries to look under the hat.] Katara [Giggles nervously.] Thank you, but- Aang You seem familiar too. Katara A lot of people say that. Aang [Suspicious.] No, you really seem familiar. Katara Look, I really should get going. [Covers her face and runs, but Aang uses his airbending and blasts her hat up into the air, exposing her.] Aang Katara? Katara [Guiltily.] Hi, Aang. Aang [Shocked.] You’re the Painted Lady? [Pointing at Katara.] But how?Katara I wasn’t her at first, I was just trying to help the village. [Takes her hat off.] But since everyone thought that’s who I was anyway, I guess I just kinda became her. [Drops her hat on the ground.] Aang So you’ve been sneaking out at night? Wait, is Appa even sick?Katara He might be sick of the purple berries I’ve been feeding him, but other than that he’s fine! Aang I can’t believe you lied to everyone, so you could help these people. Katara I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have … Aang [Happily.] No, I think it’s great! You’re like a secret hero! Katara Well, if you wanna help, there’s one more thing I have to do. Aang gives her a curious look. Cut to the Fire Nation factory. Aang and Katara run along the river’s edge toward it. Aang looks at the polluted water. Aang You wanna destroy this factory? Katara Yes. Sokka was just kidding, but he was right. Getting rid of this factory is the only way to help these people permanently. He helps her blow up the Fire Nation smelting plant! Yes, he does call her pretty, but more importantly, this is one of the few times he acknowledges her faults (lying, deception, putting the mission at risk to help the enemy nation etc.) and still thinks she’s so fucking cool. He calls her a secret hero! There’s a lot of admiration and support here from Aang. He’s raising up Katara (instead of putting her down as in EIP) not because he sees her as a potential love interest but because he admires her and her compassion! This is great. Solid wholesome Kataang interaction. 10/10. But all good things must come to an end…

The Southern Raiders. I’m not going to spend too much time on this because there’s a million pieces of meta on this episode. He’s completely out of line asking Katara to be forgive her mother’s killer, the source of her greatest trauma as a victim of targeted ethnic cleansing. Given that he’s a victim of ethnic genocide himself, although he personally wasn’t there for it/didn’t actually witness it unlike Katara, he should have understood. He does say “You need to face this man,” which is good and supportive and he should have stopped there, because he continues on to say, “But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.” Stop. Stop stop stop. No one should tell a traumatized victim of ethnic cleansing how to deal with their trauma. By the end of the episode, Katara doesn’t kill him–but she crafts a third path as the conclusion to her hero’s journey and it is not the path of forgiveness that Aang preaches. Ironically, it is Zuko, who also confronts Ozai, the source of his greatest trauma, who never tells Katara what to do but follows her lead instead: even though he redirects lightning at Ozai and could have killed him, he doesn’t go through with it. He understands Katara and he understands that she needs to this. Kataang interaction rating: 0/10.

So that’s where we are with Aang and Katara in Ember Island Players. Some positive interactions that are appropriately romantically framed and some that are just wholesome and good… but all ruined by forced kissing and moralizing about Katara’s trauma instead of offering understanding. So that still doesn’t answer when Aang would have learned all of the toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors he displayed in The Ember Islands Players.

The only answer, I’m forced to conclude, is bad fucking writing, where the creators were not only tone-deaf in portraying Katara in a racist/misogynistic way or, you know, in writing solely for the male gaze because fuck half the audience, I guess, but they just wanted to create drama for drama’s sake. They completely disrespected their female lead and I would argue they disrespected Aang’s character too in making him a stereotypical self-insert Gary Stu who displays toxic masculine behavior without consequences because that’s what’s expected of a toxic heternormative romantic plot device.

And worse yet, they never follow up on this, just like with the kiss at the Invasion. In the last five minutes of the finale, Katara looks up at him with admiration for saving the world and then kisses him. This is not only a missed opportunity for character development for Aang, but also a big fuck you to the female audience because the message is clear: the guy gets the girl as a trophy for saving the world, and fuck input from the female half of the partnership because that’s just not important and is not worthy of screentime. But I guess screentime dedicated to displaying toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors without ever condemning such behavior as a follow-up is just fine! :)))

If the EIP was supposed to make an argument for Kataang, then it failed. but more important:

By the show’s own high standards, The Ember Island Players is a failed episode, full of bad writing and worse characterization. For a show that was so ahead of its time, this episode is a narrative black mark, a failure of progressive representation and a disservice to its main characters.

There’s some wholesome Sukka and Zuko/Toph interaction, but even that doesn’t manage to save this episode, especially given there’s no resolution to the central conflict: the relationship between Aang and Katara. The entire unnecessarily OOC and forced Kataang drama drags it down.

We know Aang is capable of lifting up Katara and being supportive of her, as he was in episodes prior. We could have had honest, supportive, and open dialogue between Aang and Katara that actually followed up on the Invasion kiss, with Aang clearly expressing what he wants, Katara expressing that maybe she didn’t want that right now, and Aang completely respecting that and them hugging at the end because their friendship/connection is much more profound than pre-teen romance. This is an instance where Aang could have chosen to center Katara’s feelings, for once, instead of his own out of selfless love. If this happened, I would have been okay with a Kataang ending. But that isn’t what we got, obviously.

Part of what appealed to me about Aang as a male protagonist in media aimed at young audiences is that he–at least initially–did not start out as a toxic self-insert Gary Stu lifted from every problematic heternormative romance film ever. In fact, given his playful trickster archetype, general kindness/gentleness, and his stance against violence (a typically masculine trait), he both subverted expectations of and expanded the boundaries of what a male protagonist in children’s media can look like. Unfortunately, the creators don’t go all the way with Aang. In fact, they took a step back with his portrayal in The Ember Island Players, where the creators not only rely on misogynistic tropes to create drama but also make him complicit in propagating said misogyny. And that’s just a damn shame because we could have had a wholesome Kataang storyline and a sensitive male protagonist who cares not about your outdated gender roles and respects his partner’s autonomy!

#atla #aang #katara #kataang #eip #meta #my meta #aang deserved better #katara deserved better #queer #heteronormativity #toxic masculinity #misogyny #feminist criticism #kataang critical #but only in the sense that the writers messed it up #nothing against kataang personally

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