#it feels like i COULD make it thru
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hell im so close to the end of my allotted smoking time... i cant. i had caffeine so i cant smoke. but my willpower. is FAILING. and im trying to decide one of three options
smoke now and do not fail time constraint
do not smoke now and risk failing time constraint later
do not smoke now and continue to endure the agony for the remaining 12 hrs of my existence today
#it feels like i COULD make it thru#but if i fail later ill be twice as disappointed in myself#high risk#low reward#i just have to reassuremyself that theres no point bc the effects wont even be that good anyway
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drank too much
[ID: Digital Art of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash’s body is turned slightly away from the viewer as he holds a staggering Wolfwood by his shoulder. He has one foot ahead of the other, the foot in the back used to stabilize himself from tipping over. Wolfwood is tethering into Vash, his weight pressed into him with his arms wrapped around Vash’s waist and his face is hidden away as he leans against Vash’s shoulder. Vash’s expression can be seen, his eyes wide and mouth tight-lipped, and his face is flushed red. A speech bubble comes out from Wolfwood, saying a drawled “Spikeyyy...”. The background are desaturated pastels of blue and green, showing night time, as they stand in the middle of an empty street that is also lit by the moon not depicted. Yellow light is seen coming from the inside of a saloon. End ID]
#vashwood#Vash the Stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#when i think of who handles their alcohol best -- it's going to be vash naturally. considering his age but also his plant biology?#idk how his plant biology comes into things but it feels like it makes sense... and helps build his tolerance... also he's canonically#a bit of an alcoholic i think... one of his vices. and im sure ww drinks but his go-to comfort is through smoking not drinking#slight detour but the barkeeper was also like i'm the angel that provides drinks for these troubled souls. all i could think of is#a parallel from ww to vash... vash going thru this hell on his own during that point in the chapter and ww is the angel who will give him#his space and then also save him later. But anyway. that's a completely different topic. as a result of ww Not being much of a drinker#i feel like he'd be clingy... a LOT less verbal but more physically affectionate#i feel like he'd be able to speak as he normally does but when he wants to ask for something he'd just reduce it down to names#spikey needle noggin while tugging on vash's arm. vash explodes immediately#this is also very self indulgent if u cant tell.#i was just thinking that ww while sober is a hard cage to crack through no matter how close vw gets to one another.#while ww can end up being emotionally vulnerable -- has to at some point within their relationship -- he still just has tons of trouble#navigating his own personal wants.#ruporas art
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ummmmmmm guys this dungeons looking a little dark here..........................ummmm..... hello??? guys??
#quirinahdraws#darkest dungeon#darkest dungeon 2#IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES SO I NEED 2 POST MY EARLY APRIL DRAWINGS FROM WHEN I WAS (am) PLAYING THIS GAME TERMINALLY....#try to guess my favorite character (very difficult impossible /j)#notable moments include reynauld and dismas kicking the bucket in my first year to which i thought after the latter. ok at least theyre#together in death or watever. anyways i got a beyond the grave a week later with both of them and i could only revive one of them and my#first thought was wow! this would make great angst fodder! i should make a comic (and then i didnt)#but dismas is dead so i can never get the achievement but he basically carried me thru vvulf bc i didnt have any legend lvl frontliners and#i didnt know u could just sacrifice a hero to retreat. or that you had to destroy the bomb barrel HAHAHAHAH but we defeated vvulf SOMEHOW#sketchdump#digital#dd plague doctor#dd jester#dd shieldbreaker#dd arbalest#dd abomination#SORRY FOR YAOIFYING BIGBY THAT BADLY IDK WHAT HAPPENED...ETTO.......#my favorite builds are damage over time <3 number one blight buddy supporter#but marked for death r also my pookies....i just find marked builds a little awkward to use imo. but bh is like my blorbo#i find it funny drawing any of the charas bc i feel like i always draw characters a little too cutesy/colorful but its shrimpresting
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Malleus having older sibling trauma. Malleus resenting how Lilia is able to openly express being Silver's parent but had to keep Malleus at arms length because of their roles. Malleus having to know someone who was presumably initially very cold and softened only as he was growing older while Silver had a very openly loving father immediately. Malleus being the child who taught Lilia how to parent and love. Malleus never feeling like Lilia truly loved him after seeing how he was able to love Silver. Malleus loving Silver because they're brothers and at the same time resenting him for having the father he always wanted.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#am I projecting? yeah definitely#but honestly I feel like it could be really interesting in relationship to how Silver and Malleus perceive each other#what I hate is when people make Malleus ridiculously jealous of Silver though#like do I think Malleus resents the relationship between Silver and Lilia to an extent?#DEFINITELY! But again TO AN EXTENT#Malleus isn't going to hate Silver for this lol he knows that doesn't make sense#he still loves his brother yk#but yeah Malleus not being able to openly experience love and then Silver receiving allat has got to sting#his role as prince determines he will always be held at a distance from his world and that's best conveyed thru his relationships with dias#especially as a child with lilia#anyways I also dislike Maleficia and the BV senate because it's definitely their fault such roles even exist between Malle and everyone#okay that's. ramble done.#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia
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More powerpunk girls!!! This time ft some art figuring out brutes design. And a big group picture!! That I’m rlly proud of!
#powerpuff girls#ppg#powerpunk girls#the powerpuff girls#ppnkg#ppg brute#ppg berserk#ppg brat#doodles#i basically just used the same design for brat I used last time I drew her in the group pic#but.. I might change that up a lil in the future.. idk. I feel like it could be better#the last time I posted a sketch of brute was a million years ago. and it was next to a sketch of buttercup#and someone who reblogged it in the tags was like ‘aaa my daughter going thru her emo phase!’#and it’s like I think they thought they both were buttercup.. which is understandable lol.#but no!!! buttercup is a jock!!!! brute is the emo one!!!#and it’s not a phase!!!! she’s going to be covered in fishnets leather and spikes till she dies. it’s a LIFESTYLE. shes COMMITTED#and. she’s actually more punk then emo but ghghg either way!!! either way..#I’m actuslly SO happy w the design I settled on for her! like I knew I wanted to make changes to her og design#cuz like.. I’ve always felt her outfit was a lil weird ghgh. I just wanted to make changes to it#but every time I’ve tried to figure out a design for her in the past I could never find something I liked#but I did it!!! I did it this time! I LOVE this design for her!!!#like. idk!!! idk how I finally did it but I did and I’m so happy w it! she looks so cool!!!#in drawing the powerpunks recently I’ve been having so many more ideas for my ‘powerpuff girls as highschoolers’ au.#SO many ideas…. like holy shit.. mostly. about the powerpunk girls. cuz they’re cool!!#so yeah… hopefully my hands will continue wanting to draw more ppg art ghghgh#cuz it’s fun! and I’m having ideas for it! so. it’d be cool to be able to draw them ghgh
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THE ROARING TWENTIES (1929) | Written + Directed by Taylor Swift
*ALL-TALKING PICTURE*
Flapper Clara falls in love. With a Princeton sophomore.
Every night they spend together feels like a dream. All the social occasions, the scent of wine she tasted on his lips, dance floor reflecting broken mirrorball lights, tossing pennies in the pool, sneaking in campus, night walks around the Nassau Hall, joking about school dorms, long dinner that seems never end and sophisticated conversations. His innocence and passion. Her wide-eyed gazes. Breathes that felt too close in the dark.
Finally, one day, the kid went down on his knees and pulled that damned rock out of his pocket.
Will Clara say "yes"?
#taylor swift#tswiftedit#tswiftgif#lyrics#this is inspired by#FSF's#this side of paradise#but from a female perspective#i hope it makes sense#it's basically the 1 + champagne problems#and I feel bad for using an Amsterdam scene lmao#you can see that one is LQ bc I dont have the movie saved anywhere I dl'd that clip from Youtube lol#but that's also my fav gif in this set#that Clara (the protagonist) saw the window reflecting her own mind that she got married with the boy and she didnt like the sight of it#also that it could be her seeing her own ghost#what her life could've been#Amory seeing ghost is my favorite part in TSoP so I thought I should pay a sort of homage to that :p#the 'slave of your imagination' quote Taylor herself had quoted in 1989 era so it's essential in this gifset :)#(this has nothing to do w the recent news regarding to Taylor's personal life tho I got this idea half thru my reading of TSoP)#and it was so fun to use some old pictures scenes#they are:#mr. deeds goes to town#a farewell to arms 1932#(which is a fountain & pool scene but it was too dark and covered by the layer of Tay & Sean kissing XD)#footlight parade#children of divorce#(Clara Bow was in the scene I used...she partly inspired my female lead)#the roaring twenties#userelena#userleah
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started a new job recently as a research assistant for a gay Latinx professor in my grad program, and while I definitely don't have the time to be doing my own research, working with this professor on his book projects has been so affirming and healing. i'm working on a book he hopes to publish soon that is full of interviews of gay and trans Latine men...and it is so fucking awesome. I feel so seen by the words I am reading, and I feel tears spring to my eyes looking at the photographs of these men. They look like family members, distant cousins, and family friends. They look so happy and full of confidence. I see myself in their eyes, recognizing the "fish" shape in our eyes that is so distinctly tied to Latines. One of the men in the book is a pup! And it is so beautiful seeing his smile as he holds his pup mask.
I have met very few queer latines. I don't know what it's like to have the tio or tia that has some secret aura to them, that "no se habla" vibes where everyone knows they're queer but just won't acknowledge it. Hell, this professor I'm working with is the first gay Latine man I've ever spoken to. I wish I had a community of gay Latines. I hope I am able to access that one day :)
#muerto talks#just rambling#reading thru this manuscript has me feeling some intense emotions#ive always been the person other queers look up to#and i always wish i had someone i could look up to#this reminds me that when im back home for the summer i should totally connect my emotional support gay professor from undergrad#i have never felt such acceptance and joy man#life be good when you have an older gay BIPOC man in your life#LIKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADOPT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#this makes 3 gay male professors i know that i look at with very big round and wet eyes#my research professor is also a gay man and im like so captivated by him in class#i be on cloud 9 when i say something in class and he continously references it#LIKE YES I WON!!!#I WON!!!!
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a lot of people act like sqq’s main character trait is obliviousness and i could not disagree more
#it kind of always implies that binghe is being obvious about his feelings and is not the king of mixed messages#shizun i’ll quote romantic poetry at you but while hunting you thru the streets so u can’t even think about it#shizun i was just remembering how you treated me well (chokes him out)#binghe: gives him his robe when he tears sqq’s clothes after threatening to use the blood mites to bite at his organs#i could keep going#when people in the jianghu start to theorize that there’s something romantic going on they’ve had FIVE YEARS of luo binghes bullshit#to start figuring out alternative explanations to explain what he’s got going on#sqq gets like a week before he runs into binghe again and gets nearly killed for LOOKING like sqq#do you see what i am putting down#can we just be honest about the situation being complicated and sqq having to make sense of a LOT of conflicting information#this isn’t even getting into how he feels genuinely threatened by lbh being sweet bc it was a precursor to bingge planning something awful#which we get literal proof of in the punishment protocol#sqq’s got the worst case of confirmation bias
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When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings
#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem#in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together#and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier#WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH#i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd#and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i#waves my hands around manically#for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins#in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone#and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control#one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings#that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded#and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all#like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need#to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level#AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have#and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh#yapping
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just saw someone posted this on twitter erm. theyre so scary
#thru investigating it seems like this and the wells fargo arena next door are like Connected so. very much giving tour teaser vibes still#but also its a convention center so maybe it could end up being smthin like the mania experience IDK!!!!!!!!!!#fob makes me feel such a special type of anxiety it is unbelievable i need it to be tomorrow now so i can Know#txt#fob#p: 100
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every time i see art of boxleitner and wordgirl in an explicitly father-daughter scenario i sit there gritting my teeth and fists clenched like thats not her father thats not her father thats not her father thats not h
#like nothing wrong with it ig.... ? like ur not evil and ur not terrible for liking it#but she has a dad. a pretty good dad in fact (well minus that one ep. lalalaala)#but steven is her weird uncle at best and strange neighbor at worst#hes a mentor and a trusted adult but still not her dad#and i know this owes to the writing of the show and steven is everyones fav blorbo (mine included!) but i very much dislike how in so many#cases this white guy is becoming number one dad to this child of color as if she doesnt have a loving family at home#like ive been thru the owl house trenches and im kinda sick of white favoritism esp in the parental space#like in the case of toh how everyone really fawned over eda being a “good mom” to luz while camilla was highly criticized for a while before#everyone warmed up to her . and even then i dont think she was wholly liked#despite her also being a victim of ableism and potentially undiagnosed neurodivergence. her good intentions doesnt negate the harm she#caused but thats a good char exploration and plot driver between mother and daughter and its a really unique exploration of motherhood ive#seen in kids tv. and its smth i envisioned for wordgirl and her own parents who are good intentioned but still have room to grow for their#kids.#i can see why steven is popular as a father figure bc we see a lot of him and he is a guardian figure in the show that wg misses but#i still think that a big part of wg's char is someone who is split btwn being a normal girl and a hero. in this case steven is her#“superhero dad” (i say this non-seriously just to make a point) with her real parents representing her “normal” side#and exploring how she reconciles these experiences and even these adult figures in her life could be interesting!#but cutting out her parents and only having steven as a father or primarily showing him as being doting and loving of wg kind of feels like#its ignoring a huge point of conflict for wg and also kind of mischaracterizing steven as well
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me and my dad are like abed and jeff in the way that jeff always gets abeds references, theyre two characters that mirror eachother, they understand and relate to eachother in a way thats different from other characters relationships, but also in the way jeff fantasises about strangling abed, "you try to get him to do something normal without abusing him!", "youre a robot, abed". and still jeff goes in for two hugs before abed leaves.
#been trying to work through my feelings about my relationship with my father lately in a healthy way#(through my favourite media)#its sad because if my dad wasnt such a self centred thinks hes smarter than everyone else rude passive agressive dick#maybe we could have the best relationship#because we are so painfully similar#we are literally just like jeff and abed#but i mean jeff said it in the third episode “i dont want to be your father”#my dad wants to help me about as much as jeff wants to help#and yet in the first episode jeff is the one to tell abed “you have aspergers”#and in e3 “abed is not normal”#like hes the first to acknowledge abeds autism he just doesnt care enough to help#and all the sarcastic robot jokes god#those are practically taken out of my fathers mouth#alex says shit#alex is an idiot#community#abed nadir#jeff winger#tagging in case i actually said smth that makes sense but if not take this with a grain of salt its fully me projecting#nbc community#also sorry for familial relationship-ising ur jabed not tryna turn this into jeffannie#just tryna get thru my daddy issues
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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"Bring on The Dancing Horses"(x) - Echo and The Bunnymen × Ferrari Drivers
#yes this web weave was titled 'Bring on The Prancing Horses' in my docs....yes im proud of that....#long post whoop!!! pls scroll back thru and listen to the song while doing so if you wanna experience it better :)#this was originally supposed to be an edit but i have no patience for that and im very happy w this!!#i daydream to music a lot and when i first heard this song i could only think of ferrari seb then sebchal then ferrari drivers in general#but this hurt me a lot to make(for several reasons)#one: AAAAHHHH IT MAKES ME SADDDDDDD!! now im only gonna be able to think of the myth of ferrari when i listen to this song#it rly hurt to look up the pics for this bcs it still feels sore to me and it makes me so sad#but at least i didnt have to watch vids! id probably burst into tears#two: fighting for my life in google docs trying to format the text hahaha... i refuse to use photoshop#special thanks to cofi (@sweatyflytrap) for giving me the idea to put the TPs for the lies lyrics!#its both funny and unfortunate that domenicali was the TP for both felipe and fernando#it would be a bit better if there was a different tp for each but ah oh well#also hehe changed the lyric a tiny bit for the Kimi part. in the og lyrics its Jimmy not Kimi but yknow felt odd to leave it as it was so!#other than that i really really ardently feel that this song fits the cycle of ferrari drivers soooooo well#the 'bring on the new messiah' at the end of the song PLEASE IT FITS SO WELL! with how they drop their prev golden boy for whoevers next!#also omg the way seb's verse is 'you're breaking my brittle heart' rather than "im breaking your brittle heart' HURTS DOESNT IT??????#i didnt included the original opening/middle verse. i def could make it fit but it wasnt a good opening for this post specifically#'Jimmy Brown made of stone' = kimi again. 'Charlie clown no way home' = charles of course!#anyways this is my magnum opus...but nah i really like it! ill only ever make web weaves w random 80s music i think hahah#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#felipe massa#kimi raikkonen#fernando alonso#sebastian vettel#charles leclerc#f1#formula 1#we do a little bit of f1#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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people who draw art to go with their fics hold so much power
#muzz mumbles#it takes me hours upon hours to draw a scribble and there's people out there drawing art PER CHAPTER#like. god i wish that were me#y'all would never see the end of it if i could make art for the scenes (upcoming or otherwise) in DMD#sorry if this comes across as a rant btw im just going thru it lol#no actual hard feelings here
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
#talkys#im gonna say some more stuff here which is i dont think its ever going to happen for me which is like#it should be fine right...i dont think im even meant to be in a relationship it sounds exhausting and like another#constant neverending performance...#but its like that one post...''im happy by myself but also where's the love of my life''#ykwim...i wish i could at least make an informed decision#but that would also be tragic as it'd require me to go thru more heartbreak so i could know for certain#is it better to do it or not do it at all...#anyway ive also been having a hard time putting this into words#but. i like my alone time! i can live with myself. + nothing will ever beat the peace and romance in my brain#but. it also feels so weird to think this way. in the sense of like. yeah. you're only thinking this way because you Have To.#because that's your reality. other ppl don't have to think this way because they are capable of finding love.#other people dont have to reaffirm themself of this in the wake of not ever being desired and valued....#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.#like of course u have to like being alone and spending time with yourself. you have no other choice lol. you lost.#and also... idk. idealized romances in my brain better than anything maybe i would like to be held just once by another living human being.#🌺
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