#am I projecting? yeah definitely
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Malleus having older sibling trauma. Malleus resenting how Lilia is able to openly express being Silver's parent but had to keep Malleus at arms length because of their roles. Malleus having to know someone who was presumably initially very cold and softened only as he was growing older while Silver had a very openly loving father immediately. Malleus being the child who taught Lilia how to parent and love. Malleus never feeling like Lilia truly loved him after seeing how he was able to love Silver. Malleus loving Silver because they're brothers and at the same time resenting him for having the father he always wanted.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#am I projecting? yeah definitely#but honestly I feel like it could be really interesting in relationship to how Silver and Malleus perceive each other#what I hate is when people make Malleus ridiculously jealous of Silver though#like do I think Malleus resents the relationship between Silver and Lilia to an extent?#DEFINITELY! But again TO AN EXTENT#Malleus isn't going to hate Silver for this lol he knows that doesn't make sense#he still loves his brother yk#but yeah Malleus not being able to openly experience love and then Silver receiving allat has got to sting#his role as prince determines he will always be held at a distance from his world and that's best conveyed thru his relationships with dias#especially as a child with lilia#anyways I also dislike Maleficia and the BV senate because it's definitely their fault such roles even exist between Malle and everyone#okay that's. ramble done.#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia
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Wirt would probably love Hozier and Florence and the Machine. Those artists just have a poetry/literature feel to them.
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y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!
like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.
and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye
you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .
when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?
if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self
and that's that on that
#you know what? lol it's been a bit since i've posted a controversial opinion#tagging it#polin#sorry not sorry i ship polin. . .so i wanna see. . .polin. . .and i'm getting damn sick and tired#of all the bullshit pen/oc pen/other dude theories and stories in the polin tag#and i don't want polin to lose screentime over a frankly bleh male oc#you can't change my mind#if i don't see at least marina's 'you've seen him with the little bridgertons!' level of squee and 'i only want to talk to colin'#levels of devotion then i don't fucking WANT IT!!!!!#yeah definitely try out the marriage market#realize that NO ONE has a good time on the marriage market#try to get over him w/ whomstever#but then be like 'i don't even LIKE this dude where's colin i miss him' about it!!!!!#because otherwise i am not here#i am asleep#and i am courting colin in your place pen#i'm coming for your man#anti debling#if debling has 100 haters i am one of them if he has 10 haters i'm one of them if he has 1 hater i am the hater if he has 0 haters i'm dead#it's incredibly obvious that 'pebling' is half rooted in a revenge storyline fueled by anger at Colin and his complexity#and half a projection of wanting Penelope to have 'choices' because she is a representation and manifestation of the fans themselves#and so people think an OC that can be 'perfect' for them- whoops I mean Pen (because he doesn't have any real depth or interest)#he's a cardboard cutout we can throw whatever you want onto#so we can make him 'perfect' instead of the much more meaningful storyline of pen and colin both being messy and loving each other more#and part of it is bitterness over Polin not being insta-love#which. . .if it was i wouldn't like them as much as i do#anyways y'all ain't slick#and it's fucking WEIRD to be in a fandom that's like 'i ship this couple but i hope she gets with ANYONE else'#maybe you. . .don't ship the couple??#like. . .to the point of wanting her necklace to be from debling. . .and her wearing it everywhere??? WHAT??
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FINISHED WORK?? on MY page??? it's far less likely than you'd think. and yet, somehow, here we are. :D
(well, finished enough to post and call "done", i should say. i may yet meddle with some details when i inevitably notice ten more flaws immediately after posting :D)
good old moss knight, such a devout follower of big slug. surely no wandering knight would ever end such a noble creature's life before he had the chance to speak with a certain fellow at a nearby bench! :D
this was essentially just me testing the waters with digital after some time avoiding it, and especially colours/lighting. it's been a while since i actually tried to make something fully fleshed out like this. i don't know, i feel like it could have come out worse :)
#inktober#inktober 2023#art#artists on tumblr#my art#digital art#krita#hollow knight#moss knight#greenpath#lake of unn#stuff i'm actually somewhat proud of#!! incoherent jumble of words incoming !!#this took entirely too long to finish. i am officially burnt out for the time being and will be returning to a slower rate of production :)#so yeah. gonna be likely stopping inktober here for the year D:#seriously each day was just getting more and more stressful. and i have not been happy with the last few days. so today's the finale! :D#and i can no longer allocate 1-2 hours per day to come up with something different while balancing everything else going on right now :/#it sucks to have to say that but i'm still glad i made it most of the way. this was my first inktober and i definitely was not ready.#but i had a ton of fun with it!! just need to slow down a bit. for my own sake :)#thus concludes my lengthy tags rambling. i put a lot into this project! (even though i know it's not great) i hope you like it :)#thank you for indulging my scattered and incoherent stream of consciousness. now i'm done rambling for good this time :D
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Any Patrik the Vampire updates? :D
HHHHHNNNNNGGG okay sooo here's the plan right now....
When I am up for it/have time, I am going draw what will be the last chapter for Book 2, then going to write out Book 3 as just prose with maaaaaybe some illustrations mixed throughout. And both will get printed via a kickstarter or backer campaign.
I don't have a timeline yet for any of this, but this is the current plan to wrap up the story and give it closure.
#working on other projects has just made me realize how miserable I was making Patrik#it made me truly hate myself which definitely bled into the comic#but yeah#asks#Patrik the Vampire#I am not built for the long form storytelling of webcomics#it makes me want to kill myself fhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhf aaaaaahhhh
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kid kaeya sitting quietly on a pew during mass in the favonius church feeling so distinctly alienated from everyone else in there that it borders on despairing
#yknow?#what are our thoughts on how religious the ragnvindr family was btw i need to know what you think#i cant picture them going to church super often. ljke take jeans family for comparison they were definitely in there more frequently#but yknow maybe every sunday? or every special occasion. do mondstadtian holidays include mass too#unclear tbh all of the ones we know about just include day drinking and singing#but there HAS to be more solemn/serious holidays. where youre supposed to go to church#they're catholic coded after all#barbatos died in the cross for our sins etc. ok enough. can you imagine though#Is Venti/Barbatos Jesus-Coded?#this was NOT MY ORIGINAL POINT uhhhhh#yeah kaeya and the gods man. kaeya and religion#kaeyaposting#kaeya alberich#my posts#this post is projection but only mildly because kaeya has such worse relationship to going to church#like im normal about it i just remember sitting in church camp while everyone was having a Moment With God and thinking#(not feeling god's presence at all) Man ... what the hell am i doing here..
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actually On Your Feet gave us two good things (well. three if you like Realize which I do). Kohane's "it's frustrating" line and the great crack fic idea of Vivid Bad Squad getting cancelled online for skipping school to yell at The Kotaki Taiga as he was about to go back to America.
#no because. he went there to continue radder's dream yeah? the one about becoming world successful musicians#and they had a record label for a bit. they were definitely going to make it at least somewhat.#so we can assume taiga is at the very least a semi well known musician yeah?#one that someone about to either leave or enter japan might know about. who will see this musician they enjoy#being shouted at by a high school girl in her school uniform about how they will surpass him or something along those lines#with three other kids (in uniform from a different school) standing behind her#and then going onto sekai universe twitter to post about it and the taiga kotaki fans taking it by storm#taiga gets off the plane in america and finds he's trending and it's because people are making fun of a blurry picture of his ex pupil#meanwhile vivid bad squad just don't know because it was contained entirely on twitter and.#be honest can you see any of them having twitter because i can't. an maybe but akito doesn't have time for social media and toya is toya#and kohane is a tumblr girlie if i've ever seen one#however it does give the great concept of someone else seeing it and debating if they should say anything#because mmj definitely has an official account they could have seen it on and also there's ena shinonome and mizuki akiyama#but anyway this also means when they do put on the event to surpass rad weekend (or whatever their goal ends up being)#there will be a crowd of people looking at it and going “isn't that the group of kids that twitter made fun of ages ago?”#and then taiga kotaki stans on sekai universe twitter will be stunned because they did in fact surpass him#if it wasn't for the gcses i would write this but alas. enjoy my weird thoughts#bagel's rambles#project sekai#i am scared to main tag this one but. fuck it we ball
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A thing that I found out that I think is interesting (fucked up) is that the US Supreme Court doesn't recognize any kind of parent-child or familial evidentiary privilege. It recognizes spousal privilege, but not familial privilege. I think that's so fucked up!
(Also, this was from a really quick search. Don't take this information as the absolute truth or anything.)
#aromantic#aro#amatonormativity#allonormativity#dante dicit#spousal privilege#i am doing a sociology project on amatonormativity (and it's my final project i have three months to do it)#and i am definitely going to mention this in my project. i feel alittle bad for my group members.#they were like “i don't have a topic” and i was like “I DO” and they are just... in for the ride now.#i really want to go above the scope of the project and do some kind of real actual research beyond literature review stuff#but yeah. i think that's really fucked up.#i'm thinking of having a component just listing laws and such that enforce relationship hierarchy
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trying to assign instruments to gerudo characters for thralls' soundtrack. Nabooru is getting the sitar so far, as I think she's good at representing the gerudo side that's closer to the Wild Era in terms of long-term vision for gerudo prosperity, not to mention that it works great for a more laid-back character; though Iftaah could also get that aspect, even though her perspective is a little bit more desperate and a little less actually strategizing about diplomacy and commerce in the way that Nabooru's is... not sure I have nailed down the perfect instrument for her yet though? Maybe a duduk, for its plaintive quality and capacity for softness? But I don't know, I feel like there could be something better out there. Saeruk and flamenco guitar seem pretty great fit for the versatility of the instrument, both harsh and defiant, playful at times, but also extremely sad if needs be, and the fact that she represents more the "older" kind of gerudo works well with more hispanic/romany inspirations. And then there's Aveil, who I feel represent the best the connection of the gerudos to their land, and I'd love an instrument that really represents that. Still looking for that one.
There's a bunch of fun things for Ganondorf that can be done, but I think he'll get... bigger instruments, in general. And church organs are quite versatile too it turns out. :) I like the marimba from his first phase boss battle, but it's a little too... I don't know, I feel like it lacks the roundness and depth and imposing quality that we could get with other picks. But Ganondorf so far has about *eight billion* leitmotifs going on with what I have selected for him (him and Ganon's, as they are... not exactly separate entities in the story, but sort of, it's kind of weird), so it might be more a case of actual melody rather than instruments, or maybe on top of instruments that swap in and out depending on what we want to invoke...
Sorry, rambling, but I would really love to compensate for my lack of voice actors with a pretty meaningful stab at the soundtrack. I feel like I kind of have to honestly. ;;
#thoughts#thralls of power#animatic project#gerudos#nabooru#ganondorf#I need to upgrade my music software and stop using Logic 5.5 that came out in 2002 ;;#and gives me between 30mn to 2h before subjecting me to a coinflip about whether or not it corrups my savefile#never really had the material for a proper upgrade but I really want to make one and that seems the perfect opportunity for that#also yeah nabooru has kind of a big role in thralls!#she wasn't there at all in descant or just in passing#but she becomes kind of an important player in this version of the events#her antagonism with ganondorf is. definitively there let's say.#it's funny I actually kind of used descant as a brainstorming ground for thralls in many ways#as every single character arc is just whatever I began to sketch out in unhallowed vespers#but like More and More Deliberate and more focused too#there's a bunch of threads I completely cut out#so it won't be a perfect 1:1#which is for the best I think I just hadn't spent enough time with some characters to truly get them#I'm much more confident now#Iftaah is perhaps the one that needs the most work at the moment? she has a Bad Fucking Time so I need to make sure#it goes to places that not only serve other people's arcs but also her own --and that she ends the story in a meaningful place narratively#Serielle also needs work but more in the sense that's there's so much happening in her brain. and it's pretty difficult to convey.#but I fully know what's going on in there at least even if it's wildly convoluted#anyway!! rambling rambling sorry sorry#I am frustrated that I can't actually work on it so here I am rambling#ok back to work now
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Someone: What’re you talking about? Akito and Toya aren’t gay. They’re just really good friends. You’re reading too much into it.
Akito and Toya in canon:
#project sekai#akitoya#akito shinonome#toya aoyagi#vivid bad squad#Yeah. Reading too much into it. Suuuuuuuure.#I am sorry but I will never shut up about the fucking sunflower thing#I've almost definitely missed a few moments but if I attempted to compile every single Akitoya moment in the game we'd be here forever#btw those lyrics are from their Aun No Beats cover!!#...srsly the fact that that cover even exists says something sdsdsds
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Hi Pia x
How fast could you finish a fic, from start to to finish, if you didn't work on anything else and had so other commitments and just didn't start posting until it was done? It took me over two years to finish my long fic whilst I was writing and posting it chapter by chapter. Then I joined a creative writing course and we were challenged to start and complete a full story within a certain amount of time. I didn't post while I wrote this time round and I finished the entire thing within three months which is wild to think about. I've just started posting the fic I wrote now and don't have to worry about future updates. Do you think you could write a full fic or most of a fic before posting it or is it something that doesn't interest or work for you?
Hi hi anon
Do you think you could write a full fic or most of a fic before posting it or is it something that doesn't interest or work for you?
I mean yes, because this is literally the process of novel writing and I've published two. They're in my pinned post!
But I hated doing it this way.
I know I can write an entire work before doing anything with it because I've done it before. But I hate doing it that way and honestly anon, if I enjoyed doing it this way I would not be giving y'all free original serials, I would've taken all of that directly into novels and I'd have around 30-40 (if I included my fanfic in that, it'd be up to about 60-70) published by now and there's a high chance I'd be way more successful financially than I am now and actually like...able to afford all of my bills.
But working this way - writing ongoing serials - suits my ADHD, and I really enjoy doing it this specific way, so I do. The day I start enjoying writing full works more than ongoing serials I will disappear into novel writing because with a backlist of the kind I could generate with my wordcount, I'd be like...
I'd be living a very different life.
And I cannot tell you how much I've resented/hated that I don't enjoy writing full works before putting them up / publishing, because I know that's the biggest barrier in the way of more tangible success as an author for me (not just financially, but also among my peers who just value books more than web serials).
But yeah, did it, didn't enjoy it, and haven't done it again since. Now what's more likely is that I will spin novels out of already published serials.
How fast could you finish a fic, from start to to finish, if you didn't work on anything else and had so other commitments and just didn't start posting until it was done?
Honestly it takes me a lot longer if I'm not putting it up.
So I know from experience (From the Darkness We Rise) that I can write a full ongoing serial without focusing on anything else in about 3~ months. I mean if we look at my monthly wordcount average, I write around 35-50k per month, sometimes up to 90k if I'm excited enough about a project or have an unusual amount of energy.
Longer serials take longer because they're, well.........longer. x.x
But if I'm not putting it up at the same time, and it's a long original story, it will sometimes take me several years. Don't underestimate the brutality of needing to manufacture dopamine with ADHD. This job is ADHD compatible in a way that novel writing isn't for me.
(That being said, I still wrote Blackwood and The Gentle Wolf pretty fast because they're short, and I was writing serials alongside and the dopamine helped carry me through. But imho, it's still a longer process and it's a lot less enjoyable. And the publishing process takes me way longer and I enjoy that a lot less too).
(Just because I can do something doesn't mean I want to, or that it's sustainable).
(I was completing novels by the age of 12, tbh. Completing stuff isn't the issue and never has been for me (behold the field of my finished once-WIPs), but how I release that stuff determines how much I enjoy writing).
I've just started posting the fic I wrote now and don't have to worry about future updates.
I don't have to worry about future updates either!
That's the thing when you've completed every serial you've started (barring two, which were deliberate choices) in a 10 year period, to the tune of 5.5 million words, is that you just stop worrying about future updates.
This is something I really don't have to worry about with anything, because I know that I'll complete my stories. Having that kind of faith in my own writing is fun.
There's upsides to having a story finished before posting it online, but I will say there are some cons too:
You can't live in the moment in the same way as your readers. When you're all experiencing the excitement of an unplanned story together, that's a feeling that, imho, is not topped by any other publishing feeling to date. It's enthusiastic, absorbing and awesome.
You can't pivot based off reader feedback. I don't let most reader feedback influence plot, but every now and then I get a level of feedback that lets me know to focus more or less on something in a very organic way. Characters like Mikkel would only have appeared in one chapter if it weren't for readers. I cannot tell you how many times readers have helped me go 'oh this character needs to be in this story more.' From The Raven Prince to Kadek, reader enthusiasm took a bit-part player and drew them more into the story. Hell, even Dr Gary would not have gotten chapters to himself with Efnisien in Falling Falling Stars without that reader feedback. You just can't pivot at all unless you're willing to do rewrites, and that doesn't seem as much fun to me.
Writing one's self out of cul de sacs with the pressure of a deadline is actually a lot of fun for me.
You actually can still write a few chapters ahead (which I do for many stories these days) while still not having the story finished. I'm about 2-8 chapters ahead on almost all of my stories depending on the story itself. I may be close to 10 ahead on Underline the Black.
Others I'm forgetting about. But I know I wanted to say something about length, and also about deep characterisation. No one will prompt deeper characterisation exercises than readers who ask questions you will never think to ask as you write something in an ongoing way.
(All of this is obviously dependent on actually getting feedback if you post a serial chapter by chapter and write it on the go. I am very lucky to get this kind of feedback by the best readers. Serial writing isn't fun at all if no one is interacting).
I make the choices I make anon not because I can't write in other ways, but because I don't enjoy it, and because I genuinely feel like writing this way makes me a better writer. I like the stress and the pressure of the job, and I enjoy it.
I'm glad you've found something that works for you, and it does mean that like, if you write enough novels (if that's a direction you want to go in) you're likely to end up way more successful than I ever will! And that's a great place to be. *high fives*
#asks and answers#pia on writing#pia on fanfiction#on serials#on serial writing#yeah i can definitely finish projects before publishing them#and sometimes i regret that i fucking hate this process#god i really do though#the day i discovered i could put up works while still working on them#welp here i still am#trying to make this path work for me as well as i possibly can
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built this life and now it's mine - Fab Four fluff + jetpoison* (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation) (for @caffeineecold)
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Kobra got the jukebox in the corner working two days ago and Jet's just returned from a run that nearly killed him but also scored them a crate of real booze — not the shitty moonshine brewed in the Zones that everyone pretends they like even though it tastes like the inside of the boot that gave bootlegging its name, real stuff.
Party's already sloppy drunk, sitting at the counter, and Jet doesn't usually let himself get this tipsy. Kobra and Ghoul sit in the corner next to the jukebox, picking out tunes and passing back and forth a bottle of champagne, of all things. For being a sandpup, Ghoul has expensive tastes.
Something bass-heavy is playing when Party slips from the stool and nearly topples over. Jet's reflexes are sluggish, but he manages to slide from his own seat and catch Poison. Party's pissed at him for nearly dying, again, and Jet expects a shove and dark look, but that's not what he gets. Instead, Poison leans into him, fitting them so naturally together that it's almost frightening.
"Y'okay?" Jet asks quietly into Party's hair.
"Dance with me, Star?"
Jet blinks, shocked. This is the last thing he expected. But he's just drunk enough, inhibitions just low enough, and he always crumbles when Pois calls him Star. Nobody else really ever does. "Sure," he finds himself saying, and Pois curls even more against him, their hands finding their places without even looking. It's too easy to sway back and forth together, in some facsimile of dance that's really just more an excuse for the comfort of touch that they both need, to the lilting gravelly guitars playing through the jukebox speakers.
The track skips and Kobra thumps the side of the box to get it playing again, a rising guitar interlude without words. Poison's head is nested against Jet's jaw, red hair filling his entire field of vision. On an impulse he doesn't resist for once, probably due to how tipsy he is, he presses his lips to Poison's temple.
"I'm sorry, sunshine," he whispers. "Fuck, Poison, I love you. Not the way... you want me to, probably, but I do. I love you so much." His eye is wide and staring, a little bit desperate. There's no other way he can say it.
"Don't leave me," mumbles Poison softly into the skin of his neck. The song is different now, something softer. "My Star..."
Jet closes his eye. "I'm not trying to," he says.
Poison sniffs, still swaying to the new tempo of this song. "Try harder."
Pois probably won't remember this in the morning. Kobra and Ghoul will give them weird looks, like they've completely lost it, and Jet will know why. Heck, they're giving them weird looks now, over the top of a champagne bottle and between smirking giggling asides to each otherm But Party is too drunk to retain much. They won't ever talk about it, except maybe when it comes up in an argument they force everyone to hear. You said you wouldn't leave me, you said you love me. I don't care how it is I just want you to love me whatever way you can.
The future is unfolding in front of them in so many ways. But right now it's just two friends, irresponsibly drunk and folded into each other.
#hey btw uhh I have never had alcohol and I likely never will bc of family history with it so. uh. yeah this was weird to write#but also very fun skfnskfnks#the progression of ''party'' (implies a bit of distance) -> ''poison'' (closer) -> ''pois'' (which is something only#Kobra ever uses out loud. like Kobra is the only one who can out loud call his brother that. the others think it though#and it definitely implies intimacy)#is something I think about a lot#btw the first song is the one I took the title from (accident prone by jawbreaker) and the second one is fade into you by mazzy star#uh so... part of the reason I don't romantically ship jetpoison is bc every time I write them I end up projecting#my own deep seated platonic Yearning onto them#also I'm dubiously aroace so like. that probably explains a lot abt why I don't write outright ship/tend to lean into ambiguous friendships#so whenever I use a ship name with an asterisk I'm basically saying idc if you ship it or even take what I'm saying as that#I personally just don't want to go there :)#sorry I am very confusing about this stuff. I can be slightly in love with my friends in a possibly aroace way 😅#I don't even understand it myself
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The real moral of “I want to Hold Aono-Kun So Badly I could Die” is don’t date a guy when you remind him of his abusive mother
#it's a little more complicated then that but yeah#Aono is definitely projecting his mommy issues onto Yuri whoops#also yuri I am very sorry for comparing you to his mother you don't beat up children#I want to Hold Aono-Kun So Badly I could Die#bored badgering
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People talk about SQ going on a villain arc, but personally I've always thought he'd be more likely to just shut himself away for a while
He'd fall off the map, become a recluse not because he's trying to hide from his father, or his uncle for that matter, but because he's so confused and mixed up and lost he isn't thinking clearly
He finds an empty old house, one in a little town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, that he can live in. It's in much worse condition than Mr. Benedict's, and he gets to stay because he does farm chores for the nearby people who own the property
A quiet town. No one questions why this boy appeared, and as he keeps to himself no one bothers him
He comes into the general store sometimes, or maybe the hardware store. Buying basic necessities, repair materials, and asking sometimes strange questions with obvious answers in an embarrassed way
Every now and again, he stops by the pet store. Buying a small bird or two and an obscene amount of birdseed
He becomes known as a lonely artist, a mysterious figure the adults ignore for the most part and the children whisper about. He doesn't pay either reaction any mind
SQ's house is full of art
Colour splashed across the floor, tiny vines and butterflies covering the shutters, vibrant shades all over the fan blades. He etches painstakingly accurate bird footprints on every windowsill, sketches large diagrams of feathers and bird wings across most of the walls, because, who's there to tell him no?
He tries to teach himself to whittle, and there are many mishapen lumps of woods that vaguely resemble birds lined up on the back porch. (He knows they're terrible, but he can't bring himself to throw them away. He feels too guilty, after all, he's the one who brought them into existence. If he won't love them, who will?)
And he has a lot of birds. Some were wild ones he befriended, leaving food and nesting material out until they felt comfortable enough to rest in the rafters, flying in and out of the near-always open windows. Some were bird he saw, either sitting in a cage when they had no business to be, or wandering the park looking half frightened and confused. Birds that people had captured from their natural homes and probably smuggled, hoping to pass them off in a small enough town where no one would notice. Some were birds that had been "released" by their previous owners; left to wander an environment that was not their own and to fend for themselves when they'd been raised domesticated
It's these last few he feels for the most. It's not fair, he thinks. There's no one to take care of them, and it isn't their fault they were forced into a situation like this. At some point, someone had hurt them. Had taken advantage of their innocent nature, and it left some scarred.l
Some physically, like the ones who needed their wings splinted, or had lasting limps, or sometimes were even half blind. And sometimes mentally, like those that still shrank back from his touch after months of rehabilitation, or had missing patches of feathers, or would hiss instead of sing
And so he became known as sort of a wild artist. Someone who seemed to know everything about art and birds and the forest, but occasionally could be seen asking how microwaves worked or whether he would have to pay for checking books out of the small local library (He always returned them in perfect condition)
And, eventually, after he's had some time to think, he calls his uncle. He isn't sure how to contact his dad, but he isn't really surprised to hear the two are living together again. They're twins, after all
And so he tells them where he is, tells them that he wants to talk, wants to understand. And to his surprise, they come to him. And they offer apologies, and answers both
While the kids marvel at the birds and his art and the small collection of poetry and naturalist books he's been slowly building up as he shows them around, the adults confer on what it best to do
And he thinks that, if it's offered, he'd like to go back with them. But he isn't sure. And he's still caught off guard when they ask
#I don't know#Rambly stuff that would definitely not be legal but it's MBS Universe and I am having a really good time imagining the legal systems#Sometimes they're super strict#And sometimes I just pretend they don't exist#But really#I don't think SQ would get angry#And I'm not saying you guys who give him a villain arc are bad!!!!#(Connie you KNOW I love your AU)#But personally#I've kind of thought he'd be the kind of person to just quietly shut down and process#Whether that's on his own or with Mr. Benedict#And I think the big thing would be teaching him not to internalize all of that as his fault somehow#Maybe that's me projecting#Also I was thinking about Big Fish and Benny and Joon and IQ and those kinds of movies while writing this out#Specifically about the type of house I was imagining I guess#Except it backs up to a huge forest#(They're all good movies by the way I think they're very interesting)#But#Yeah#Enjoy more garbage from my brain#the mysterious benedict society#mbs#sq pedalian
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Things to make me lie down and contemplate everything. 400 ppl liking my writing enough that they want a notification when there’s something new
#one person in the comments of last sunrise also said I was their favorite renkaza writer#I. I. LIKE MAN I DUNNO#I am literally always under the assumption that people like. tolerate my creator endeavors#like maybe they’re not bad but they’re not GOOD and they’re kind of mildly annoying to everyone around me#(we can thank my family for mercilessly mocking every interest I ever had as a kid for that one)#I have had ONE person irl who has always responded v positively and passionately when I talk about my projects#(hiiiiii Lee ily for this)#and it’s like. oh. oh wow. this kinda stuff is always like whiplash to me because of it#it shocks me when ppl comment or oh my god when they ask me QUESTIONS about fics#like they WANT me to talk more about them#I’m too anxiety ridden to really even talk about them on MY dumb tumblr account cuz I worry about being annoying#because me being excited about working on something = annoying in my brain#(and like it’s never anyone else I see literally ANY other person posting about their art or ideas or processes and I’m like OMG AWESOME)#(it’s literally just me that this applies to 😭😭😭)#so yeah. ppl ask about fics. people say they’re excited about them. ppl even say they THOUGHT about them#and it baffles and confuses me and blows my mind#anyways. the point is. Ty ily I can’t believe you all like anything I made#but I’m trying to get better about getting over this mindset#and seeing physical proof in numbers that it really is ridiculous definitely helps#kaz rambles
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every time I try to actually learn data science stuff or courses or something I end up looking at basic machine learning shit like "yeah okay I already knew that. I didn't actually know that one but it's common sense enough"
at the same time I definitely have the sense that any substantive question they ask me I will be like "yeah sorry I have not a clue about anything"
is it possible to solve this problem overnight (literally)
#m#I guess I have a somewhat vague and superficial knowledge#mostly I look up the details when I need something#honestly I know regression and gradient descent and most of everything else is secretly that so it feels like I know it#but I probably don't#like the particulars probably matter beyond 'oh yeah okay I get it'#also they are definitely without doubt going to ask me about projects#and probably 'I am incapable of making myself do anything like that of my own accord' is a profoundly bad answer
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