#anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

satorutini · 4 years

Text

So Hot (You’re Hurting My Feelings)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wc: 2.1k

a/n: a whole year later, thanks to quarantine, i have returned. a drabble i made purely projecting my own feelings bc being isolated has made being far from loved ones very difficult to bear lol. so here is some fluff to help get you thru this fuckery. heavily inspired by this bop.

In the blaring fluorescent bathroom light, the strain on your eyes as you look at your phone takes twice as much effort as it should just after escaping the dimly lit dance floor.

Raising the screen an unnecessarily close distance to your face, you frantically attempt to unlock your phone, making an almost inhuman sounding hiss of annoyance when the facial recognition feature doesn’t work the first time. A quick glance at the mirror in your peripheral dawns a grim understanding; with the way you look, you wouldn’t recognize yourself either.

Three attempts later (your thumb kept pressing 6 instead of 9) grants you access to your messages and your heart drops. You swear - you swear - you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and there definitely was a text notification-

The panic resides almost as quickly as it came at the sight of the thin blue loading bar crossing the top of your screen.

Koo appears bolded at the top of your inbox, and your heart soars. So, he didn’t entirely erase his memory of you and shackle up with some rich influencer snob in SoHo.

Koo [11:37]: ok, be safe:)

You deflate. It had been 30 minutes since he had read the text letting him know you were going out for the night, and a good two hours since you had sent it. You had been hoping for him to crack a joke or ask for a fit pic, or even whine a little that you were going without him. But he had only displayed the bare minimum of concern. Not even a fully written okay. Not even a real emoticon.

Slumping against one of the stall doors, you sigh. It’s not that you wanted him to worry about you while he was miles away in Manhattan. It was quite the opposite actually; before he had left, you had practically been his biggest cheerleader in advocating for your boyfriend to go after this internship and live his collegiate experience to its fullest potential.

So why did you feel so vulnerable without him here?

It was fine, the first two weeks. You texted back and forth almost every hour, staying up late to call each other on the phone. A plethora of video calls, photos and memes shared over the span of the first 14 days as you silently vowed to not let the stress of a long-distance relationship weigh you down. But then came the third week. Then came the second-guessing. Over-analyzing missed phone calls or shorter-than-usual exchanges over text usually led to you jumping to the completely irrational idea that he had forgotten about you, or cared less now that you weren’t constantly in the same proximity. It was a stupid concept, you already knew. But this will be the longest that you’ve been apart from each other in the little over a year that you’ve been dating, and you can’t help the inkling of anxiety that comes with this experience.

Slipping your phone back into your pocket, you turn to fully face yourself in the grimy bathroom mirror. Is it bad that you’d been hoping for more from him? Maybe a picture or another question? A response longer than three words? The flow of conversation had gradually lost its familiar ease, replaced with this subconscious feeling of uncertainty that left conversations feeling stale. In reality, he’s probably working late or getting ready to go to sleep. You vaguely remember him mentioning a project he had been assigned to work on, and it seems as though his workload as grown progressively tasking as the semester comes to a close. The last time you had seen him over a video call, he had dark circles under his eyes despite how animatedly he spoke about the work he was doing. You also remember begging him to get a good a goodnight’s sleep when he found the chance.

Yeah. That’s probably what it is.

Should you text him back?

Your fingers slip behind the edge of the phone, fully ready to whip it out again when a couple comes stumbling into the restroom, the door swinging back to hit the tile wall with a bang! The girl, at least, has the decency to look sheepish and makes to apologize until her partner sidetracks her with kisses down her neck. You don’t bother with anything more than an embarrassed grimace through pressed lips before glancing the other way, though mostly more for yourself more than them. Squeezing passed the enamored pair through the door, you make your way back into the thick of the club, albeit a little more reluctant than you were when you had first arrived.

Your friends are might be off the dance floor by now. Returned to the bar, maybe. In all honesty, you had expected your presence in the “girl’s night” outing to be a bit of a vibe killer anyways, with how forlorn you had become in the past week. You had spent the whole car ride to the club switching anxiously between Instagram and snapchat trying to see if Jungkook had liked your last post – you, dressed up to go out for the first time in a while, definitely not fishing for a compliment from him – barely contributing to any conversation. If your friends were aware of your growing preoccupation, they hadn’t said anything yet. It wasn’t that you couldn’t live without him, in fact, you’re a little more than perturbed by your own attitude tonight. It was that there was this lingering feeling that something was always missing. Like the fact that Jungkook wasn’t readily accessible or just within a short drive’s reach tugged at your heartstrings. Comfort. A grown familiarity. Something to fall back.

The moment someone jams their heel into your ankle you realize you’ve been standing catatonically near the middle of the dance floor, shaken from your reverie of self-pity as you nearly lose your balance. Disoriented, your vision blurs for a moment in an effort to right yourself. Glancing around, you can’t catch a glimpse of your friends. Your heartbeat thumps just about as loud as the music’s bass. Your right foot throbs in your heels. Feeling your face growing hot, you press a hand to your cheek, only for it to come away wet. I think it’s time to call it a night.

Overwhelmed, you make for the exit, and are fortunate enough to bump into one of the girls who came with you on tonight’s excursion. With a hand securely on your wrist, she leads the way back to your group, shimmying your way through the crowd.

It’s well around 1 a.m. by the time your friends drop you off at your apartment. Albeit simple tasks, the process of taking off your heels, hanging up your coat and undressing takes what feels like an eternity. In the span of time it took for your friends to finally regroup, leave the club and take you home, you have not once looked at your phone. Cold from inactivity, it feels like metal brick in your hands, and wears on your mind with the weight of a real one as your trudge into your bedroom. In all that time he hasn’t texted once. Granted, it is pretty and it is your turn to reply. But what is there to say besides ‘okay’? You gently toss it on your bed on your slow march into the bathroom, half hoping to hear the gentle buzz of a text notification.

The idea of fully cleaning yourself up sounds like more effort than you’re willing to exert right now, so you settle for a makeup wipe, knowing well enough that your skin will hate make you sure you pay for your laziness in the morning. That’s a problem for tomorrow you to handle, you decide. Changing into an old shirt of Jungkook’s feeling slightly more refreshed, you allow the promise of sleep to lead you back to your bed. Although you’d hate to admit it, the mental gymnastics you go through with your insecurities over what seems Jungkook’s gradual withdrawal from you mentally exhausting. You avoid unlocking your phone until you’re completely submerged in your sheets. Squinting into the light of the screen, your heart sinks at what you see. The only recent text is a goodnight from the friend who dropped you off, announcing to your group chat that she’s made it home safely.

Not wanting to fall asleep feeling disappointed, you spend the better part of an hour swiping between Instagram, twitter, tiktok, and then Instagram again in search of a smidgen of serotonin despite the late hour. Most clips get nothing more than an exhale through the nose, the disappointment from tonight still lingering at the edges of your mind. You glance at the time, calculating the time difference between here and Manhattan. There was a three-hour gap; he should be well asleep by now.

Against your better judgement, you open your messages and hit the call button anyways, thinking that at least if he doesn’t pick up you can dismiss it with practical reasoning. However, much to your surprise he picks up after the second ring. Laying on his side, nearly mirroring your position, Jungkook’s form greets you cocooned under a myriad of blankets. His hair sticks up every which way in the front as though he’s run his hands through it too many times. The low light his screen emits casts shadows under his eyes and gives his skin a pale complexion. Immediately you regret your impulsive decision.

You both open your mouths to speak.

“Sorry!”

The word is blurted from your lips before he can even begin to form a sentence. Your boyfriend blinks at you. “Hm?” is his only response, voice groggy with sleep.

“I’m so sorry, were you asleep? Did I wake you? Shit,” the despondency you were feeling before only grows tenfold now that you’ve actually interrupted his rest. A string of apologies follows as you fumble with your phone to hit ‘end call’. It’s only Jungkook’s sharp call of your name that halts your hysteria. “Wait! I was waiting for your call.”

You pull the phone a little way away from your face. “You were?”

Jungkook is silent for a moment, processing your incredulity. “I was.”

“Oh.”

“I fell asleep but I was waiting for you to text me when you got back home. Like you usually do.”

“Oh.” It was common for you and Jungkook to share whenever the other went out and or was coming home late. In your own distress, you had forgotten to let him know when you arrived home. The thought provokes the image of Jungkook, curled up in his cramped rental in New York, drifting off with his phone in his hand as he waits to feel his phone vibrate. It nearly breaks your heart. “I-I must’ve forgot. I’m sorry, I figured you’d probably be busy or asleep by the time I’d come home. We haven’t exactly talked much today.”

“But you called anyways?”

“Wishful thinking?” you shrug with your one free shoulder. “Didn’t think you would pick up.”

“Hmm.”

You and Jungkook share a guilty look. What’s this odd feeling that’s creeped into your heart? Insecurity knots a tight feeling in your chest.

“I missed you today.”

And just like that, it’s gone. The million questions dissipate like a fog clearing from your mind as you inwardly scold yourself for your own irrational thinking

“Yeah?”

You often wondered if he thought about you as much as you thought of him. Outwardly, he was seen as the bigger sap between the two of you, but often you found your own thinking to become the floweriest of prose when it came to him. You found memories of him in even the smallest things, like the taste of spicy foods, in the smell of lavender or in the sound of someone opening a bottle of sprite. You found him at the edges of comic book pages and in the first notes of an acoustic song. You wonder if he could find bits of you about the city. If he ever thought of you, waiting on him hours away, outside of the times when it was deemed obligatory.

“Do you not miss me every day?” You wiggle your eyebrows to insinuate a playful dig, but the both of you are well aware of the tinge of honest curiosity underneath.

Jungkook offers a tired smile, but in that moment, the genuine adoration in his eyes is all the affirmation you need. “Every day, all the time.”

#bts fic #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #fluff #drabble #bts au #jungkook x reader fluff #bts fanfic #so hot

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