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#it REALLY affects my life and my ability to walk straight and see things
gorkaya-trava · 4 months
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yooooo I'm finally going to the eye clinic tomorrow to figure out what's wrong w my stupid eyes ٩( ᐛ )و it will be expensive that's for sure but I'm still looking forward to it
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hekateinhell · 1 year
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I sometimes wonder how the Armand/Daniel power dynamic works in tandem with the fact that Daniel is nearly twice his mortal age. Running with the idea that one's impulses/emotional regulation remain similar to the cognitive control of the age that a vampire was turned at, I think about Armand and his Coven Master Freakishness contending with the fact that at 500-something years old, he still wants his boyfriend to baby him. Pre-bedtime thoughts.
Gosh, I think about this all the time! Armand's power dynamics are my bread and butter (I don't make a lot but it's good, honest work).
Because yes — if we go with the theory that at the biological level, vampire brains simply cannot mature past the point that they were turned — it opens up this entire minefield of contradictions. I usually draw on Lestat for comparison and inspiration when it comes to this sort of Armand meta, just because we hear so much from Lestat's perspective and he is the closest to Armand's mortal age within their little cohort.
But enough about Lestat.
Devil's Minion (being only what, thirty six pages? it's unbelievable) leaves a lot of room for headcanons and various interpretations of what happened when. For the most part, I just don't see Daniel and Armand's big fights and Daniel running away from Night Island until much closer to QotD era (~2 years or so).
What I always noticed is how much more direct Armand seems to be with Daniel than Marius was with him. He cries openly! He expresses his emotions! He doesn't beat him bloody because he doesn't know what else to do with himself! (Because Armand totally and easily could've). It's not great but he's trying! Was Armand better than Marius? In some ways, yes. Was he worse? Also yes, in some ways. This is a whole other conversation though RIP.
Thinking about Armand's ability (or inability) to self-regulate and how much closer he allows (or is unable to keep) his authentic emotions from bubbling to the surface... it's a very raw and youthful trait! And perhaps it's a testament to how close he feels to Daniel, and how affected he is by their arguments and the discord in the relationship.
I wanted to be somewhat saccharine here and instead I'm rambling on, but I also do like to consider what their day-to-day life as a long-term couple would've looked prior to 1984-1985 (when Daniel really started deteriorating and then ran away for the final time).
What did it look like when maybe Daniel made a joke that Armand took the wrong way and then brooded about it or some similar scenario? Because even if he could read Daniel's mind, he couldn't reconcile the intention with the words that came out of his mouth. I wonder if Daniel ever straight up told him, "Babe, I can't read your mind, you have to communicate better than this." And Armand is just shocked that someone can acknowledge where he's at emotionally and guide him in the right direction.
There's a lot of things to factor in here, including what Daniel's own brain development would've looked like due to the lifestyle they lived, but I think either way, he would have definitely had the advantage over Armand in that sense at least.
And how does a perpetually seventeen year old, ferocious vampire tell his boyfriend he just wants a cuddle and a kiss and the reassurance that — for this night at least — everything's okay and he's not going to walk out on him? Probably wallows in passive-aggressive silence and hopes Daniel shows him affection first. Indulges the feeling for a few minutes (because he feels safe enough to do so) before he snaps back into his caregiver/pest role and being the far older and more powerful of the two.
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vintage-bentley · 10 months
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If David were giving "wait and see" style answers I'd have a bit more hope but he was talking to the Radio Times which is a reputable publication in the UK so I don't feel like he'd outright lie to them about the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship.
To be honest, both he and Michael have been pretty clear on this being a ~secret background story~ or whatever, and have repeatedly said it's up for interpretation, and I'm worried everybody's doing another Johnlock where they ignore what the people involved are saying and have convinced themselves they're getting confirmation that will never come. The difference is this would be even WORSE because of the marketing campaign for season 2 and Neil's baity comments.
I honestly don't think Neil would be affected by this either because the second anybody expresses disappointment the asexuals in fandom are going to make it all about them and about how society ignores and invalidates their kind of love etc. I think he'll be successfully shielded. There will be pissed off people (especially olds like me who were book fans first and have lived through this shit a billion times) and I'm sure a huge part of the fandom will be quietly seething but we simply won't be allowed to call it bait because "Neil has always said it's a love story and therefore canon uwu" (even if it's plausibly deniable to homophobes and eludes the casual viewer 🙄).
I also think it's very telling that Neil only drew attention to the fake spoilers circulating when a post appeared saying the season was "500% gay" and that Az and Crowley had many romantic scenes. He has also said that while the marketing dept at Amazon clearly love the show he would've advised them to do things differently were he not on strike.
I know we've all been interpreting David and Michael's tight-lipped squirming when asked about a romantic subplot as an attempt not the give EVERYthing away, but it could also be that they know they're not going to deliver what the audience wants (including, apparently, every single interviewer on press day lol) so have been ordered not to say anything that sets themselves up.
IF all of this does turn out to be bait I am going to become a fic writer just to spite Neil lol. Trust I will be writing the smuttiest fic and finding the nastiest NSFW Ineffable Husbands art imaginable and it will be gay, gay, GAY 😂
I still HOPE we're getting what we want because I'm an optimistic fool. I'm just not sure it's guaranteed in the way the fandom thinks it is.
(btw if this doesn't go through anonymously please message me rather than publishing? Unfortunately I have co-workers and real life friends following me on my main 😬)
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Sorry anon I couldn’t help but publish these together, it’s very funny to me 😂
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Now, I know you’ve done a complete turnaround, but I do see where you were coming from with your first ask. It’s fun to imagine that the squirmy tight-lipped attitude is them doing their best not to spoil…but it’s sadly true that it could also be them feeling like they’re walking in a minefield, knowing that fans are anticipating something they didn’t deliver.
And I agree with you about fan reception to Neil. Like I’ve said before, spicy straights thinking they can call themselves “queer” has been absolutely disastrous to our ability to talk about queerbaiting. Because that term is really supposed to mean gaybaiting. It refers to the specific trend of shows teasing a gay relationship to get viewers hooked, but never taking it anywhere to ensure they don’t loose the viewership of homophobes. But now since everyone and their mother calls themselves “queer”, they seem to think the term queerbaiting applies to them, too. Which has led us to the point where people say “actually this show isn’t queerbaiting, because they don’t show physical affection which is aro/ace representation! Not everything has to be gay!” (In other words, “this show is gaybaiting but I’m happy about that so you can’t get upset about it”).
So, even if the show ends up being perfect textbook queerbait…we can’t say that, because of how the term has been appropriated. And we’ll have to deal with spicy straights whining about how they’re oppressed by gays wanting representation.
But as I’ve said before, I’m very optimistic about it not being bait! Let’s hope we’re right!
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tellywoodtrash · 1 year
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hi TT! can I ask you for some advice? I'm a teenager who is really insecure about how i look. i don't really think there's anything wrong with my appearance per se, but everyone around me does. my dad keeps recommending me fairness creams (even though he is dark skinned himself) and my mom keeps telling me to lose weight (even though she is fat too). i have been dealing with some health issues for the past couple years that have led to a LOT of weight gain. i now have stretch marks all over my body and my friends always comment on it and make fun of me for them. it makes me wanna never show even an inch of skin again. what do I do?
Hello love,
First of all, big hugs. 🤗🤗🤗 People (who are supposed to love you regardless of how you look) are being shitty to you and you absolutely do not deserve that crap. I'm here to tell you they're wrong. You are good the way you have been, are right now, and however you will be in the future.
i don't really think there's anything wrong with my appearance per se, but everyone around me does.
I'm glad you have accepted the way you look. You realise that the problem is with the people around you. Good. That's a massive step 1 already sorted. Because so often, we start believing what people tell us, and it becomes the "truth", when it's absolutely not.
Tbh, I'm a rudeass bitch and I'd let off verbal zingers at everyone, including parents. idgaf about politeness when someone's coming for me like that. But perhaps you're a much better person than me, lol. So maybe when your dad tries to push fairness creams on you, you just reply with a curt but polite "No, thank you!" and end the conversation right there. Walk away. With your mom and the weight loss, ask her if she's willing to take on a "get healthy plan" with you, where you both eat better and exercise TOGETHER. If she's unwilling, then ask her why she has expectations of you that she's not willing to subscribe to personally. Again, walk away. Don't let them think they can just say these things to you and you'll sit and listen like a good bachcha. And boy oh boy, your friends. To them, I say be straight up rude. Like, call them out. Say "What makes you think you can talk to me like this about my body? Why are you so obsessed with the way I look? How does this affect your life in any way????" coz literallyyyyyy; friendship doesn't mean a free pass to talk any shit, that too such superficial garbage. Everyone's body has something or the other wrong with it. EVERYONE. (Another thing almost everyone has???? Stretch marks. I've had them since fucking puberty, still do in my 30s. They're as much a natural part of your body as body hair.) That is just the nature of the flesh prison we reside in. This is just a pile of fucking electrified meat that holds our brain and soul, which is what really matter. To have someone who calls themselves a FRIEND talk to you unkindly like this should make them ashamed, and honestly, make you reconsider if you even wanna be friends with that person if this is how they choose to behave.
This is the outside stuff. Now for the inside stuff - the internal work you do. First, make sure you watch and subscribe to media of people who look like you, and make you feel "hey, they look just like me and they're so pretty, so that means *I'm* beautiful they way i am too!" I'm telling you as someone who grew up in the pre-social media age; I had zero representation of ppl with my body shape/size and hair texture. It wrecked my self esteem. I spent hours poring over magazines and looking at airbrushed models thinking "why don't i look like that too????" even though I KNEW they were digitally altered images. It just got into my head SO MUCH. One good thing about social media being in the hands of EVERYONE is the ability to see such a range of people from all over the world, looking amazing in their own ways. Follow a diverse looking set of people and see the beauty in them, and thus yourself. Second, do some minor work to alleviate your health issues if you can. Be regular with your meds if you take any, do some daily movement to the extent you can, eat mostly healthy and stay hydrated well, etc. It won't change the way you LOOK, but it will make you FEEL better about your body, and how you are doing your part in taking care of it like it needs. Third, only if you choose to, feel free to beautify the flesh prison as you see fit. Wear whatever you like. Colour your hair. Get a piercing or tattoo. (Obv. wait till you're a legal adult!!!!!! Also, never get names of people or something that is just a ~~phase or trend you're into at the time. Aesthetics come and go. Body modifications like these are forever. Choose wisely. Very very prudently.) Do things that make you feel like "this is MY BODY, and *I* GET TO CHOOSE what kind of pretty it is". Take agency and make your choices and be proud in them, and fuck literally everyone else's opinion. They're LOOKS. The least interesting thing about you. They don't matter in the larger scheme of things, and they'll keep changing as you go through life. Just do whatever makes you feel good to be in this body at the time!!!!!!!!
I love you lots baby sibling. 👩🏽‍🧒🏾👩🏽‍🧒🏾👩🏽‍🧒🏾💗💗💗💗 I am threatening everyone shitty around you with angry laser eyes as I protectively wrap an arm around you.
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invisiblegarters · 2 years
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Eternal Yesterday Ep 3 Thoughts
For real this time. 
Okay I’m gonna try for coherence here but I make no promises. This episode has taken any ability I might have even pretended to have about being objective and tossed it in the bin like so much rubbish.
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First of all, I guess I called it, in a way. Mitsuru is pining like it’s his job, he’s got feelings of both the romantic and sexual nature for the first time ever (and how relatable and sad was him saying that he’d never felt that way about girls? Very, is how relatable it was), he’s walking around half-terrified that he’s gonna do or say the wrong thing and then Koichi will know and he’ll lose him (and it was sweet that he thought to himself that he wouldn’t be mean about it. Even in the midst of his “I can never have this” doldrums he knows enough to know Koichi would never hurt him on purpose). No wonder he can’t tell that Koichi looks at him like he makes the sun rise.
I do love that we’re explicitly dealing with desire here, too. It’s not just “oh I see you and I get fluttery feelings.” It’s “I see you and I get fluttery feelings, then I see a bead of sweat dripping down your neck and all I want to do is lick it.” I expect very little in the way of actual physical expression of that desire, because this is Japan we’re dealing with, it’s not a movie, and while the BL isn’t all softness and light it’s hardly The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese. That’s fine. The mere fact that we can see Mitsuru fixating on the line of Koichi’s throat (and the beads of sweat rolling down his skin) as he swallows is enough for me. So is Mitsuru being excited and nervous about sharing close quarters.
I am tickled that the old man hat Mitsuru is wearing came from Koichi:
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I have to admit that up until now, I’ve been more of a Koichi fan, which is kind of unusual for me. But this episode evened the scales and now I adore them both equally, but oh, I feel for Mitsuru and everything he’s going through here. It’s hard enough liking someone but add on all the extra of falling for your possibly (probably, in Mitsuru’s head) straight BFF and the only person who made the effort to carve himself a space through your walls and in your heart and it’s no wonder he felt like the rainy weather perfectly reflected his mood. Watching him smile so fondly at Koichi before catching himself was just painful, as was his imagined conversation with Koichi. The worst part of it all is that if Koichi weren’t into Mitsuru, he totally would be apologetic about it. I do think that imaginary!Koichi was a lot colder than real!Koichi, though - even without the fact that he clearly adores him, Koichi would never in a million years dream of snatching that water bottle away from him. But man, I get it.
The bit in the tent was maybe my favorite part of the entire episode. I think that it was good for Koichi to let all that out, because he must have been thinking it for a while. Poor thing must have been worried that he’s just been forcing his unwanted presence into every aspect of Mitsuru’s life. And Mitsuru needed to hear it to understand how his holding back and acting cold was affecting Koichi, too (and it kinda makes me wonder about how pissy he got about Koichi saying he’d be a cold but talented doctor. Clearly that’s still a sore spot). I also liked the way Koichi immediately stopped when he caught sight of Mitsuru’s face, and the way his own face just froze. Because in his own way, he’s just as wrapped up in his own insecurity and fear as Mitsuru is. And then Mitsuru sprinted off for a good, cathartic cry. Tennis? Pfft, boy should have done track.
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And also this one because I screen grabbed it and I like it:
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And then aw, they worked it all out. I love that they were both equally worried that they couldn’t possibly have what they wanted from each other. And that Koichi was the one who braved the “I like you” first, because that makes so much sense, really. And then Mitsuru finally got a look at that besotted face Koichi wears around him like 90% of the time.
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The kiss was...well. Underwhelming in a lot of ways, if I’m perfectly honest. I do think that it fit the moment, though. I liked the hesitance. But I will say that if they’re gonna be doing that again, I hope they take a leaf out of My Beautiful Man’s book and do some strategic hand placement (I forgive MBM the kisses because finger sucking; if this one wants to pull something like that I would not complain). It wasn’t as bad as it could have been and like I said it did kind of fit the tone of the moment but if the show wants to sell me on these two wanting each other physically (and thus far it has managed that, at least from Mitsuru’s end), they gotta give me a little more. I understand I probably won’t get much but you’d be surprised how willing I am to work with it.
But then I forgive it anyway because of these two dorks:
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It’s so nice to see Mitsuru smiling. He’s got a good one.
Now I just have to wait not so patiently for next week. The last of the preview material features, and I’m pretty sure the entire thing will be in the present. Or at least in the part of the story where Koichi is a Living Dead Boy.
Confession: the fact that we’re getting all the promo material so early worries me. What if Koichi isn’t around past ep four or five? Probably I am worrying needlessly, but man, literally no promo stuff past ep 4? Is that unusual?
I was already hooked, but for my money this episode really ramped things up. It would have to do something extremely awful to turn me off of it at this point and no, i don’t mean a sad ending
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goji-pilled · 2 years
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You’ve been waiting! I’ve been writing! Now I’m here to present that ever so dear OC you’ve been waiting for me to make to you.
Now without further ado, I shall present her!
Name: Mizuki Hoshi
Weapon of choice: Scythe
Why a scythe you ask? Well simple, scythes are cool! And the one I imagined for Mizuki is even cooler as I envisioned the blade of the scythe being in a more crescent moon shape than a regular scythe’s blade!
Magical Girl Outfit Color Scheme: Black and White
Why black and white you ask? Simple, they work well together. That’s literally all.
Wish: To be able to see all the wonders of space
Mizuki has an incredible fondness for space. It’s beautiful, mesmerizing, and a getaway from the troubles of her life. Now she gets to experience it all, this couldn’t possibly backfire of course. …Right?
Personality/Family Relationships
Mizuki is relatively quiet girl, who keeps to herself for the most part. Which leaves her incredibly lonely, as she doesn’t really have friends at school because of this. She does however have her lovely little sister, who always admires her for her knowledge of space. Her parents always tell her that “A girl your age should have plenty of friends at school!”, Mizuki has learned to tune them out when they’re like that though.
Normal Design Description
She looks like your everyday normal schoolgirl. She has straight black hair that’s shoulder length, and she has a a star shaped hair accessory she always wears. She’s also decently tall for being 15, coming in at a height of 5’1. She’s moderately skinny too, which she takes pride in. She has poor eyesight though, so she wears glasses.
Magical Girl Design Description
The top part of her outfit is similar to Homura’s but not exactly. If you were to get rid of the coat she wears, the ribbon, the collar, and then give her short sleeves you’d have something similar. She also wears two white arm sleeves that go up to her elbow, they’re both white. She wears a white skirt and leggings to balance the black of the upper portions. She wears black boots as well. Her soul gem is located on the side of her skirt. Now for my favorite part of her design I imagined. She has one of THESE!
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A SHOULDER CAPE THING!! It’s so sick, I know. Big fan of it.
Abilities
She has all the basic abilities a magical girl would have. Enhanced strength, speed, durability yeah yeah. She has one funky little trick though, she can infuse her scythe with magic to allow it to shoot a few star shaped “bullets” that are quite sharp. I think it’s quite unique.
Backstory
A regular day gone peculiar. It’s not exactly everyday you get a strange cat like creature talking to you about wishes and magical girls. Mizuki was just on her way home from the planetarium, a place she holds close to her heart, it wasn’t her intention to come across this creature. Or did this creature come across her? Of course however, Mizuki inquired the creature about its “wish making”, an opportunity like this doesn’t happen hardly ever after all. After the creature explained all the details, Mizuki could hardly hold back her innermost desire. And thus, the contract was sealed, and Mizuki was set on a path she could never walk away from.
Fun Facts!
Did you know that Mizuki actually means “beautiful moon” if you search up its meaning?
Mizuki is a humongous nerd on all things space and star related. You could ask her about a specific constellation and she could tell you everything about it as an example.
Mizuki’s grades in school are often low. Not because she’s dumb, but because she’s always reading on more space related books in her quest for knowledge.
Mizuki’s most prized possession is a telescope she got when she was 12. It’s very important to her. As a matter of fact too, her wish actually affected her telescope, giving it magical properties so she could really see all the wonders of space like she wanted.
Mizuki and her sister often sneak off into the planetarium without their parent’s permission.
Extra Fun Fact! What you’ve read up to this point is actually the SECOND draft I ended up writing, because when I was working on my first one I had unknowingly was making it a post and not an ask, so I copied and pasted it into my notes. Here’s the funny thing though, when I tried to paste it into the asks here it didn’t work! Fun right? Though in a way I’m thankful for it, as I revised some things on this one I wasn’t exactly content with in the first draft.
It’s the end and we gotta wrap this up now. Not without saying a few thanks first though. First up, you Nyom. You totally enabled and encouraged me to make up a magical girl OC for Amalthea and for that you have my gratitude. And second, the MK-S anon who makes frequent appearances in your asks inbox. They gave me a really good base for this OC with their amazing SCP Amalthea ask, which I’m grateful for. This OC of mine wouldn’t of been nearly as good without their amazing mind. And that’s that, thank you for your time. As usual, I’d love to hear your thoughts too.
(One more random note. I’m no artist by any means but I should like totally try and doodle Mizuki and Amalthea sometime lmao)
YES FINALLY IT DROPPED LETS GOOOOO
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hangmanblog450 · 2 years
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[Personal safety blog.]
Two days ago, I had something good happen to me. I saw a woman buying gas with her dog and it really affected me positively. Like; I'll remember it. It'll be important to me for the rest of my life. It'll always matter, it just personally affected me in a positive way. I'd try to thank her in some way if I could. I guess it's nothing to hold oneself at fault for if you can't summon the ability to thank someone for something like that so I'll just say it made my world a little better. Maybe I'm just stealing a certain feeling that was meant for someone else. I'm weird like that. Like, I'm the kind of person who likes being alone, searching for things, idk, guess it may have been because it was right before July 4th. It triggered a feeling of nostalgia.
There's a "help wanted" sign on the door of the gas station. I keep going back to that day in my memory; thinking about it like I'm holding a sea shell to my ear. It quiet's the listless chatter. I got stalled in my driveway today; must of been a church letting out. I wish i could get help with my car. What happened that day; July 2nd; it helped my mind. I wish i could go back to that feeling. It feels like I took something for granted here. It's one of those things that makes me tilt my head and say "huh". It's good for people to see that kind of thing. It feels like i let it get fragmented in my mind; Like I didn't save all the things that happened and i let it get forgotten. It makes me think of my grandfather in a way. I never had one growing up so i wonder sometimes rather or not that effected how my personality turned out; sorta' like how never having attended a wedding may have. How he saved up the corners in his liquor bottles and added them up to make enough to fill a glass when he was hard up.
Saw a librarian at the gas station a while back, too, odd. I've been alone this whole time; I was so afraid of hurting their feelings I hurt my own.
It made me feel young again but in a bad way. It led to a sketchy feeling. It made me feel rewarded, and that's saying something because im not the sort of person who expects instant rewards. It's really hard to remember every little thing about it. And it's sensitive to recapture the feeling it led to. It's just sensitive. That's the only word i can think of to describe it. Sensitive; it's such a modern word.. And it's sensitive to believe some of the things that result from social media reactions. It's hard to except how seriously people take themselves on there. "How dare they send me a friend request." "That's what it's there for." Sensitive, like an animal. Sensitive feelings. Things here lately aren't easy for me. It's scary walking out my door because of how often my car breaks down. It's something most people don't have to worry about; especially people who live in gated communities. My car is my monster. It fails me and it's led to some terrifying walks home. And that is difficult for me. I tell myself it's ok, that it's just about nullification and coordination, but, It's sensitive.
Shit, sympathy, syphilis. You shouldn't give people the satisfaction of a reply. Melodrama..like Vic off Young & the Restless; Ann off Days of Our Lives; Ashley off As The World Turns. Idk; you wanna' do i you gonna' do it; You Don't Wanna' Do It You Ain't Gonna' Do It. Forging for something to eat mentally, and just cause i don't get stone cold homosexual on some motherfucker straight off the get-go doesn't mean i don't care..
Also in response to a post i saw about someone saying women should just stop having sex if they don't want babies and men not being able to except no for an answer i just want to say i haven't asked anyone for that recently so i don't know what to say. I mean infants; you just spend two and a half years teaching them how to speak English, sugaring them up, and then you spend the rest of your life trying to get them to shut up. Unless you like your kids, which some people do. I just like searching for things, and being alone. I've seen some hard arguments result from custody battles so i guess ill just back off the topic. I think most women just want a blow-up doll anyway. "Inflating your self-esteem endlessly? Sheiiiiiiiiiit ill just pull the rug out from under your ass and go back to being mean."
These next few years could be hard for me. At least something nice happened the other day. Something calm, for a change. Last year went by fast enough; maybe this year will wind up the same. Hope the car troubles end some day. Goodness, the old saying: "If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." holds true. I can think of five instances where i've had to walk home and had no luck getting a ride. Just once where some redneck in a van drove me and one other i won't get into. Took me a quarter hour to geter' to start at the grocery store couple months back. Had to walk home from a gas station not even two months ago. It also broke down at car wash, a thrift shop, and two-lane. Seems i've inherited some bad luck every since that madman stuff that happened to me around Christmas a few years back.
On a lighter note; i commented earlier on a post about the sacred tradition of autism being handed down from generation to generation and i think some chicks might be that way about dancing. Like it's good that you can saunter so gracefully about the stage but it's like, i get worried you'll get nerve damage or something. Don't get too worried about your diet either. "Yeah man them rolls give you diariah." "Yeah well i gotta' right to eat what i want."
The takeaway from all this? Idk. Playstation? Hell run from it i guess. Mortal combat? Invented by a buncha' weirdos probably. Guess some things are just skin-deep. It's strange how my ex has one reason to like me and two reasons to hate me. Guess there isn't much takeaway after all. It's still important though. Hammond thought of it 1st. It matters, like it's personal...we're both adults right? It's not my fault is it? Is it something i said?
Speaking of conscientious enterprises...You know letters only say so much. Roughly half the time fussing only leads to so much. More than they say sometimes. Can't go back right? Done there...The take away from all this? What the hell? I'll try to lurk for the hell of it instead of editing so much. I'm getting tired. Both are making my eyes tired. The seasons drag on slowly...don't wanna' end up lamenting and forsaken. Mastermind, a clinic in Houston, Texas...my eyes are getting tired but i wish they were more tired. Living in debt.
She has five favs; Sheryl Crow. Marley & Me; Flowers; Ford Focuses, and Apple Pie. It's very perceptive of her to point out that scene in that book. She rolled in; dug everything out & found the one scene in one of my favorite books that matters. It matters to be seen; it's rewarding when someone of significance pays you attention; when they treat you like you exist, and likewise it's not always your fault when someone projects their emotions on you negatively. They say no one's perfect; but sometimes you just see someone at exactly the right time, and it's like you remember it as something that breaks the fall of a bad memory.
Evreyday in everyway I'm getting better & better. Just have to cultivate patience.
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rcksmith · 3 years
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Lust — Kaz Brekker
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Gif by @kitsyoung
Request: “Hey. I really like your writing and I was wondering if you would consider writing a Kaz piece with the smut prompts 76, 1 & 33. Obviously with your au rules. If it’s too much I completely understand tho”
“7, 17, 36, and 73 from the smut list for Kaz Brekker please? If not, no worries! 💖 Thank you!”
“Holy shit that last kaz brekker smut- AMAZING. Was wondering if you could write another smut with smut prompt #6? Of course if this bothers you just ignore it. Thank you so much 🥰”
Smut prompts:
1. “You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat.”
6. “Do you think of me when you touch yourself?”
7. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”
17. “after that little stunt? you’re not getting off that easy”
33. “Maybe I should get you a collar so you don’t forget who you belong to.”
36. "If I have to pull over, you won’t be able to walk for the next week.“
73. “You know, you look real pretty when you cry.”
76. “Shh, don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you.”
Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader
Warnings: swearing, explicit smut, dirty thoughts, dirty talk, nsfw, jealous, mention of fight.
Word count: 5k
A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.
Thank you so much for the requests and for all affection 💖 I decided to compile these requests, since they were the same central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. I hope you like it and good reading.
English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.
Requests are open. Love you ❤️
— — — — —
There is a theory that always, somewhere, there will be a person capable of making you lose your breath, and your reasoning, whenever he appears on the scene. Someone who robs you of your breath, your heartbeat, your ability to think clearly and your control to keep your hands not shaking.
And Kaz Brekker would always be that person for you.
From the first time you laid eyes on him, it's been a feeling of dying and going to heaven. Except that Heaven was, in reality, a hot, burning hell. Where your greatest punishment was being forced to watch his tall figure, who exuded masculinity by every inch, walking in front of you like a Renaissance painting very superb.
Nothing that Van Gogh, Da Vinci, and Picasso created has bordered on the personification of beauty that he was.
Kaz was beautiful in a very mysterious, dangerous and chilling way. You would describe his aura as the height of midnight in an enigmatic city, his hair the color of the core of sin and his features as lines that the god Ares would have drawn. Everything about him reeked of the fog of suspense stories, with a touch of lust.
All the looks he directed at you were caustic, flickering and intense as a candle flame, reverberating through your veins like angry eels and always make the room feeling charged with electricity, like the ground after the fall of a lightning. Everything between the two of you seemed to be filled with something fiery and arcane. From the gazes, the rubbing of shoulders, the times when the skins touched. Everything was a compilation of sensations that make you catch your breath whenever Kaz Brekker appeared.
He was your kryptonite. In all senses.
And that was exasperating in the extreme, at staggering levels. You felt your center of your sex vibrate whenever he directed you that voice whit baritone intonation and predatory looks, whenever the button-down shirts were tight enough for you to revel in the contours of his body, or sometimes when he wore the cane to signal or stopper something. This was the worst of them. His cane.
Have you lost count of how many times Kaz stopped you as counting money, by putting the tip of the cane over your hands, or stopped you from going somewhere by blocking your path with the cane, lifting the object horizontally in front of your belly. And every time you felt your legs tremble, your breath fade and a very dirty part of your brain whisper that you wanted him to use that object in you in more fun ways.
Your body was so responsive that there were times when you knew, with every fiber of your soul, that Kaz was able to read the paths in which your thoughts wandered. He lowered his gaze to you, in that breathless connection that promised to contain the most nefarious paths of sin, and maliciously curved the left corner of his lips in an arrogant, oblique expression. At such times, you could feel in your soul the words he did not say:
I know the perverted things that you are thinking.
And the truth was, he really knew. Kaz memorized every change in your breathing, every blush on your cheeks, every trembling of your hands, every your trembling look whit a frightened girl who had been caught thinking of something impure. He knew how your body was responsive, needy. And he himself had to control himself not to push you over the desk in his office and fuck you like an aggressive animal, bringing all your perverted thoughts to life.
It wasn't his physical reactions that kept him from taking action, but an even more visseral reaction than the pulsing desire he felt for you. Mine. The primal, determined, burning sensation of possession. That it ran through his veins like hot, bubbling lava. The desire was familiar, but this statement, not. Like the jealousy he felt for you, he quickly recognized the danger he was in.
If Kaz touched you…he knew he would never be able to let you go.
Mine. A statement that resonated spontaneously whenever he saw you, a testament to the reactions the two of you triggered in each other. However, not even the awareness of the dangerous game that was between you was able to dispel the climate of provocative sensuality that pulsed in the places whenever the two of you were together.
It was like playing with a powerful drug. One slip and he would be addicted forever.
On days like this, when Kaz had just come out of an exasperating meeting with Peka, a businessman and mobster who was always looking for ways to try and bring Kaz down, his already bad temper turned to terrible. He felt compelled to break something, drink a whole bottle of the best English whiskey in that club, and punch someone. Kaz felt the anger pulse through his veins, in a pure and perfect way.
He left the office, turning off his cell phone so he wouldn't be disturbed and descending the stairs to the center of his Crow Club, mind buzzing and anger seeping in his blood. He needed to unwind, maybe get into the car and head home. Maybe actually drink that whiskey bottle. Maybe both.
Kaz was about to take another step down, running a gloved hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes, when his gaze met your figure. And that was when the already terrible temper rose to the very badly.
Normally, a vision like that would have just bothered him, a compulsion to do something. But that day, Kaz was at the height of his angriest feelings. And seeing you, bold as a goddess in that little black dress, next to Jesper at the gambling table and flirting with a guy to your left, did things with every last bit of patience and self-control he had.
His eyes never left you as he took another step, running his hand through his hair again to contain the unruly strands. You were laughing, downing another drink and placing a card on the table. You turn back to the man to your left, your eyelashes fluttered gracefully in a promise to allow him to guide your rein tonight.
But there would be no goddamn rein for that fucking guy to guide.
Kaz gripped his cane tightly, descending the other short stairs and advancing toward your with dangerous, determined, and angry steps.
"...in this part of the year, criminal law cases drop a lot." The damn guy was telling you, his boring blond hair falling over his blue eyes in a way Kaz found annoying.
To fucking hell with that blond-haired Dande.
“Y/n, Jesper!” Kaz tapped the end of his cane on the table, stopping the cards under the polished wooden end.
Everyone at the table looked at him startled, their actions frozen. He saw you swallow hard, a soft tremor sigh in your shoulders.
Good!
“Shouldn't you be at the door?” Kaz turned to Jesper, his eyes sparks with annoyance.
“Right now, Boss.” He stood up, giving you a strained smile and heading towards the door.
“Kaz…” You started, voice softly intoxicated.
You knew you weren't supposed to be at the gambling table, let alone so late at night and drunk, even if Jesper was by your side. You had the ability to win every play, in any game, and that ended up not only driving the others away, but leaving the men, already drunk and irrational, aggressive and with an extremely bruised ego. And they almost always wanted to retaliate physically. As much as there were security guards and cameras everywhere to keep something bad from happening, Kaz couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting you. Not even blinking insultingly in your direction.
He sent you an icy, sharp, steady look. A clear warning for you to stop there any excuse you were about to give. To be careful with the next words you would say. You swallowed hard, looking away and getting up from the table. Slightly wobbly from the drink, you fished your coat from the chair next to you, giving a strained, apologetic smile to the guy you'd been flirting with so far.
“I better go home and call an uber and…” You started, but Kaz cut your sentence.
“I'll driver you.”
His tone exuded annoyance and impatience, giving no opening to any objections, demonstrating that he was in no mood for games. Much less defiance of his orders. You knew him too well to recognize that that night had pulled his nerves beyond what he could handle, the strain and irritation in his eyes told you something had happened beyond what you knew. His jaw, straight and strong as glass, was clenched tightly, his night-colored hair was disheveled in an overwhelmingly attractive way, and his black robes sinfully marred every line of his body.
You should have become wary of the dangerous energy that he exuded through every pore at that moment. However, to your inebriated and excited brain, Kaz Brekker has never looked so fucking hot! Your underbelly vibrated in response to the personification of sin that Kaz was, your heart racing at alarming levels as you followed him out, walking over to his car.
Like every piece of Brekker's clothing, his car was sleek black, with big black wheels, tinted glass and dark leather seats. Hades' chariot. You felt your breath catch when Kaz opened the passenger door for you, his eyes avoiding yours, his jaw still clenched and dangerous energy exhaling through every fiber of his tall, lean body.
Holy Mother of God, this man was a perdition!
Kaz contained an instinctive desire to go back inside and tell that aspiring Dande that you weren't available. Instead, he closed the door when you got in and turned around in the car, closing his own and squeezing the steering wheel harder than he would have liked.
Midnight height light streamed in through the darkened car windows and gently illuminated the curve of your cheek, highlighting your skin that Kaz might have named the color of the gods. So much attention was too seductive. Emotions and reactions still bubbled through each his vein like scandant water, mingling with months of frustrated desires and burning sexual tension.
At that moment, jealousy laced him. Mine. Amazing and at the same time propelled by dangerous strength, Kaz tried to trap that feeling back into the dungeon of his soul. He controlled his fury, yet he couldn't completely tame. Annoyance turned to anger. Starting driving the car forward, Kaz tried to think of anything but how you looked like the Goddess Aphrodite on that dark bench. Splendid as a heat ray in a winter day.
“Kaz…” You started, that gentle, repentant tone that stirred every spark in his soul.
He hated how his name on your lips sounded so sensual, so right and so delicious. He would give everything he had to hear you moan his name.
“Don't start” he warned, now not because of latent annoyance, but because he didn't know if he could stop himself if he heard your voice.
However, you didn't make things any easier for him.
"You don't have to be so angry." You go "I wasn't even using all my intellect on the game, I wasn't trying to win."
Kaz didn't even know if that was the core of the problem anymore. Was he angry that you went to a table where it was dangerous? Yes. But the waters were much deeper than that, much more dangerous. The way your smile, sweet and sensual, was directed at that guy, reeled in Kaz's mind, impregnated with the plague. He felt the blood burn in his veins just remembering how melted you looked for that man. And as much as he couldn't blame you, because you were free and single, the primal, irrational part of him screamed so much louder now.
Mine.
“This does not matter anymore.” It was the only thing he managed to say, the very sensations drowning him.
“And it wasn't even that dangerous.” But unlike him, you were obliterating the burning emotions that Kaz exuded. “There were only a few players drunker than a door, and Jesper was on my side, and also James, who was very charming and...”
Kaz almost lost direction, making the car bounce smoothly. He staked his eyes at you, puzzled and bubbling.
“James?”
“Yeah, the blond guy who…”
"I don't want to know, Y/n." He cut you off "I don't want to hear about the guys you allow to drool around you like mangy dogs."
The distilled rage was impossible to contain, and before Kaz knew it, the words were out. He turned forward again, his hands tighter on the steering wheel.
“Wait…” Your tone was slightly smug, and the way you rubbed one thigh against the other was impossible for Kaz to miss.
The grip on the steering wheel tightened.
“You are jealous?” Your intonation dropped to a low, sensual, provocative level.
Suddenly, Kaz's entire body became very aware of your body inches away. He could feel the heat that you radiated and the lyrical, sweet and sinful scent of your perfume flooded all his senses. The air grew thin, puffy and stuffy, and if it had been December cold outside, Kaz would still feel the height of summer in that car. Flashes of excitement and danger rippled through the car, and the brief silence grew even more charged with sexual tension and lustful anticipation that stirred every fiber of Kaz's being.
He made the mistake of looking at you again, and your softly mischievous smile that promised a lifetime of satisfied desires only served to incite his madness. Kaz had never understood how a man could want a woman so badly that he acted irrationally and carelessly. But now he understood. And when he realized you tried to stifle a sensual sigh from the way he was looking at you, his body won the fight against his mind and Kaz stopped abruptly the car at the red traffic light.
The sexual tension between you had become unbearable. In one moment, Kaz was fighting the series of overwhelming and disturbing emotions that dominated his entire being, and in the next moment, he had taken your mouth with his in a fiery, fierce, animal kiss. Stealing all the air from both of you, his thoughts, and his sanity.
He held your face firmly in his hands, his fingers going down to the strands of hair at the nape of your neck, turning everything into something more caustic and desperate. Yours hands went to his arms, moving up to his shoulders and cupping the sides of his neck, pulling him closer. Kaz's tongue inched into your mouth without waiting for permission, conquering and claiming every fiber of your body, of your soul, in a continued of kisses you couldn't tell where one ended and another began.
The moan of satisfaction you let out gave him a lust and desire unlike anything Brekker had ever felt. Like hot, addictive honey down in his throat. He was still gripped by jealousy, annoyance and possessiveness. With the desire for you pulsing in his body just like his heartbeat.
Kaz pulled back millimetrically, his blue eyes overshadowed by the heat of the moment, his lips red and swollen from the sinful kisses he gave you. At that moment, Kaz Brekker looked like an angry young God, and you've never felt more attracted to someone in your life than you are now.
You looked at him, panting and needy, wishing with all your might that he repeat the same actions. And you knew he realized that. Perfectly. You saw the spark of male satisfaction ignite in his eyes as he absorbed your desire. He was so close... so very close, and you couldn't stand the enormous anxiety for a caress, a kiss, anything.
His cocky smile intensified as you put more pressure in your touch his skin, your fingers trailing down his neck and back to his shoulders, silently pleading for him to do something with you. Anything he wanted.
Kaz lowered his one gloved hand to your jaw, thumb and forefinger squeezing your chin and making you look at him directly, you staring into the deep, shrewd blue of his eyes. He pulled you closer by the grip on your chin, the husky, erotic words hitting your lips like a promise of sin as he said:
“Maybe I should get you a collar so you don't forget who you belong to.”
It was impossible to control the loud, needy sigh that escaped, your center throbbing in despair and wetting the thin cloth of your panties. You wanted he to touch you more, pull your body against his until there was not a single sigh left, claim your soul and your body as his. You had parted your lips to say something, most likely a plea for him to continue, but the traffic light turned green and Kaz took his hands off you, straightening up on the bench and putting the car move.
In the absence of his warmth, his body, you felt cold, empty and frozen. As if Kaz were your sun and you were Icarus. Feeling the compulsion to need to get closer, complete its magnitude and bask in his rays. Every cell in your body begged for him, in needy and submissive requests, telling you to accept anything he told you, that he gave you, as long as it touched you.
“If I knew that to make you kiss me I would have to flirt with someone else, I would have done it a long time ago.” You teased, a satisfied, malicious smile on your lips.
Kaz looked at you in annoyance. In a clear warning that you should never more do that again.
"If you wanted me to kiss you like the brat you are, you just needed to have asked." He countered your game to the full.
"But if I want more than that?" But just as he knew how to play, so did you.
You swiped the tip of your tongue across your lips, kicking off your shoes and pulling your legs over the dashboard of the car, exposing your nearly bare thighs through the thin black fabric of your dress. Your actions instantly caught Kaz's eyes, and his grip on the steering wheel grew stronger and his breathing heavier.
The air inside the car became more ardent, burn, charged with eroticism and lust that left both of you breathless. An electrifying energy coursed through their bodies, as if they had been struck by a bolt of fire. You wanted him in a way you never thought you could want anyone.
Kaz took a deep breath, and looked at you with dangerous predator eyes as he said:
"If I have to pull over, you won't be able to walk for the next week."
The words made your body tremble. But if Kaz was trying to dissuade you, that was the last thing he should have told you. Instead of taming the fire inside you, it threw gasoline into the aggressive fire. You pressed your thighs together, your body sensitive to his words filled with burning promise.
In five minutes of insane courage, you took your feet off the dashboard, leaned toward Kaz, and brushed his neck with your lips. In slow, burning, hot kisses, you traced a path to the pulse in his neck, opening your lips slightly to brush your tongue over that pulse point.
“Please.” You beg.
Kaz's moan was low, but loud enough in your mind. You were being his undoing and you knew it. Suddenly, the car veered to the right and came to an abrupt stop. You would have lost your balance if Kaz's hands hadn't clung to your waist, pulling you in one movement to his left thigh, pressing your soaked core into the black fabric of his pants.
You gasped loudly, or he, or both. And in the next moment, his mouth was on yours again. The kiss was more aggressive, possessive, angry and ardent. Kaz kissed you as if he wanted to decree you his, proclaim his possession. You didn't see when he removed his gloves, but the touch of his skin with on your thighs was all you could think of.
“Kaz…” You moaned into his mouth, and the grip on your thighs moved up to your hip, digging his fingers into your thin dress-covered skin with such force it was sure to leave marks tomorrow. "Please."
You knew what you were begging for, but the moment Kaz forced your waist to move against his thigh, rubbing your pulsing core against his thigh, you forgot even your own name. And Kaz knew it. Then, like dominant man who wanted to see you surrendered to him that he was, his mouth went to your ear as he whispered:
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Kaz wiggled his thigh against you, making your clit roll against the soggy fabric of your panties.
You moaned loudly, your hands tightening on his shirt, your face hiding in his chest as an overwhelming, aching pleasure invaded your system. It felt good, but unbearable for being so little, churning something in your belly that made you despair for more.
"Y-yes." You whimpered, rolling your hips on his thigh.
Kaz's bare hand crept up the slit between your thighs, your dress already balled up at the top of your waist, and dipped his fingers into the juncture of your pussy and his thigh, pulling your panties to the side and making you feel the fabric of his dark pants against your wet, hot flesh. You moaned louder, your grip on his shirt tighter and your hips rocked harder for have any friction.
“Do you want me to fuck you like the little slut you are? Is that what you've wanted all this time?” His words, husky and strong, in that intense, dominant intonation, sent all your self-control to hell.
"Yes." You sobbed. “I-I need you."
But his hand in your panties went up to your chin, and he forced you to look him in the eye once more. The electric intensity of that look turned you on even more, making you gasp as his thigh still rocked against your throbbing clit.
“After that little stunt? you’re not getting off that easy” It was very hard to think with all the stimuli he was giving you, but the thunderous blue eyes warned you to pay attention to his words “Do you think you deserve me to fuck you?”
His gaze invaded you so deep and so warm and intense that you wondered if he was trying to leave a burning imprint on your soul. All over your body, overwhelming desires resonated, and you gave in to the compulsion to roll his thigh further, whimpering from the pressure on your clit.
"I'm s-so sorry." You whimpered, eyes pleading with he "It won't happen again."
"Won't happen what?" He tightened his grip on your chin, not painfully, but firmly to get your attention.
"It won't happen again, Sir."
The reward for your obedience came in an aggressive, hungry kiss, his hand in your chin dropping for your hip and wiggle his thigh at your needy pussy.
"Do you want to cum?" He teased you.
"Yes, S-sir."
"The only way you're getting off is on my thigh."
Then, as if to reiterate his statement, his mouth clutte to yours once more, his thigh swayed with more vigor and his bare hands moved up to the neckline of your dress.
His warm palms and long fingers lowered the straps of your dress and released your braless breasts, your nipples hard with pleasure and your breasts swollen with arousal.
Your moan was muffled by Kaz's, and he just released your mouth to lower his lips to your left breast, capturing the innocent nipple with his mouth and rolling his tongue across your flesh. You moaned louder, your waist twisting desperately against his thigh as your hands tangled in the strands of his black hair.
Kaz delighted in every inch of you, his hands going back to your waist as his mouth attacked your other breast, leaving a trail of hot saliva on his tight, needy nipples. Brekker was consumed by a fierce hunger and need, so overpowering that he pressed his fingers to your skin as if you were his last meal. He'd wanted for so long to do all that, to dive into your body like a starving man, savoring every inch of your warm skin.
Letting out a loud, delighted moan, Kaz increased his thigh movements as he suckled on your nipple, feeling flung to hell heaven as you squealed softly and collapsed onto his thigh, smearing his black fabric with your hot cum. But Kaz couldn't care less about the fucking pants. His cock hard and rigid as a sword hilt throbbed desperately, commanding him to sink into the heat of your slippery walls.
"This is much better than I dreamin." You whimpered softly, your face still buried in his neck, your waist wiggling slyly in his thigh.
"Do you think of me when you touch yourself?" He teased you, taking his hands to your panties away from the center of your pussy and pulling them between your legs, tucking them in his pants pocket.
You nodded, your mouth dipping into his neck in broken kisses as your hands went to his pants belt, trying to get rid of any barrier between the two of you as quickly as possible.
"Please, please." You begged, flustered as Kaz stopped your hip movements with his hands "I need to feel you inside me."
Your plea was sated with an arrogant kiss as Kaz reached for his pants, pulling the fabric of the boxer together and letting pop out his dick throbbing, pulsing and his swollen head, brushing in your pussy with lazy strides.
"S-sir!" You cried, trying to earn more.
"Shh, don’t worry, I’ll take very good care of you."
The strong, long arm wrapped around your waist, pressing your chest against his chest as Kaz guided his dick to the entrance to your pussy, with one hand. He play whit you, pressing his head into your entrance just enough to make you feel the pressure, recoiling when you swayed frantically for more. The painful pleasure sent tears to your eyes, and you sobbed loudly as you were just toy in his hands.
A few hot tears ran down your face as you whimpered, helpless in his arms to get what you wanted.
"You know, you look real pretty when you cry." Kaz pressed his mouth to yours.
In that second, he completely sank his dick into you, swallowing your loud scream as the thickness of it widened you and hit the bottom of the well. The grip of his arm around you tightened, and Kaz lifted you and brought you let down badly, drown his dick even more deeply inside your hot, wet, desperate walls.
"S-sir!" You moaned loudly, his mouth leaving yours, but not pulling away enough and letting you feel his hard breath hit your lips.
You followed his thrusts, bouncing your waist up and down hard and letting his dick beat frantically inside you, robbing you of your breath and your ability to think. Your moans mingled with his, the pornographic sounds of their bodies crashing together were loud and you thanked God the car windows were black and the street was deserted.
"So fucking good slut!" Kaz growled against your lips, one hand leaving your body to snake down to your throat, maintaining a firm, dominant grip.
You moaned his name and his title between loud moans and broken sobs. Yours hands closed around the shirt off his shoulders and the waist shimmied between the thrusts, making sure his dick was completely inside you.
“You look so good with my hand wrapped around your throat!” Kaz tightened his grip on yoir neck, watching you tilt your head back and expose your entire body to the delight of his eyes.
He growled louder, spurred on by that sinful sight, and increased the rhythm that pounded inside you, filling every inch of you and sinking down as anatomically as possible. Kaz felt possessed by a wild beast, insatiable and euphoric, and each thrust he gave you was more force he inflicted on you, marking you as his.
Kaz pulled your neck to him, pressing your mouth to his as he growled against your lips: “Mine.”
You nodded frantically, the apex bursting in a burst of pleasure as his dick came out and sank in hard, desperate, urgent strokes.
“Yours”
You promised, kissing him urgently and swallowing a low cry as his dick shuddered inside you, flooding you with the hot liquid until your walls overflowed, giving you a feeling of being incredibly full. You whimpered into his mouth, exchanging a sloppy kiss as Kaz gave you a few more thrusts, making sure his cum would fill your every inch, not letting you dare waste a drop.
“Mine” he repeated through the kiss.
so, the weather??? HAHAHA, anyway friends, i hope you enjoyed. Don’t forget consult the rules if you want to request for some Kaz smut. Love u. O
2K notes · View notes
junniepop · 3 years
Text
JJK men and a male reader
So I died and came back. Now my inbox is filled with a lot of Jujutsu Kaisen stuff with a male reader, so I looked around and noticed there aren't a lot of male writers or even gender neutral ones, meaning that's what I'll be doing for awhile. This first request is...
before I get started, if you'd like to request something, then please see my masterlist
JJK boys with a male s/o
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Warnings: aged up and language oh and some nsfw stuff cuz that's what they wanted.
Characters: I. Yuuji, F. Megumi, G. Satoru, N. Kento, R. Sukuna, T. Aoi
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I. Yuuji
Isn't hung up by you being male, I feel as Yuuji got older, the more open minded he became. His sexuality was something that evolved as he aged and had a big change in his mid teenage years when he was exploring himself. Into his late teens he began seeing people of all types of representation, he simply did not care how they presented themselves.
That leads us to you, our gorgeous male that has Yuuji simping. All seriousness, this man loves entirely, some might even find it to be smothering. He is the type to text you paragraphs of good morning and goodnight texts, always leaving something for you to eat in the fridge, brings something home because it reminded him of you, and always always makes time to call you before a mission.
Yuuji always has random thoughts about you. Like, "Should I make his favorite tonight?" "I wonder what he's doing." "Oh....that would look so cute on him, should I get it?" "AH this charm has our initials on it! that means it was meant to be!"
If you're a sorcerer, Yuuji d e m a n d s to be your partner on missions and he will have a fit if someone says no. Is constantly stressing himself out over your well being, even if he knows you can handle yourself. always asking about your technique and is amazed every time he sees it. Very protective, stands in front of you a lot and when he see's you struggling he doesn't hesitate to get the curse's attention regardless of his own situation.
Also just because I feel like he would: Yuuji gave you a promise ring when he realized you were the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.
He has this need to prove to you that he is a fit partner, Like showing you he can cook, has his own place, very responsible with his money and what not.
The type of guy to send you a million snaps a day. He will literally show you everything he did that day and wants the same in return.
Every date with him somehow includes a physical activity. Going out to dinner? chances are Yuuji will see an arcade and more specifically the DDR in the background.
NSFW
In terms of sexual stuff, Yuuji seems like a top, but has definitely thought about bottoming and upon trying it- was not into it. Does not matter if you're much bigger than him or not, he will top you. However, Yuuji is rather submissive when it comes to his partner, he will say yes to whatever it is you want. You want him to be soft and gentle, he'll do it. You want him to absolutely wreck your ability to walk, he'll do it.
The first time Yuuji tried stuff with a guy, he for sure looked up if it would hurt and read that anal could be very painful, was TERRIFIED that he would hurt the guy. Definitely was asking with every movement if he was okay. With you he's more confident, but still askes if you're okay throughout the event.
Man is simple, likes very intimate positions where he can see your face. Heavily into pleasing you, he tries any kinks you're into even if he's not that into it. Loves being praised, it just does something to his brain, in that same line- any sounds you make go straight to his dick. Really enjoys marking, is proud to cover you in them too.
The type of guy to enjoy eating you out, like fully sit on his face. Plus it helps his dick slide in smoother.
Yuuji will lose his mind if you say you want to milk him. Yuuji usually never thinks about his own pleasure, so when you want to pleasure him until he's empty, mans is not readyyyy. Just stutters out an okay and proceeds to go stupid when you start.
Conclusion
Yuuji loves you entirely. Trusts you 100% and would do anything to keep your life stable and happy. Yuuji just wants to grow old with you tbh, so in love with the idea.
If you were to break up with him, he would be devastated, unable to continue on for a long time. I mean he placed his everything into you, why would you do this to him?
all in all, it is a very stable relationship as long as you don't take him for granted because he is prone to letting people use him.
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F. Megumi
Definitely did not care you were male. Megumi cares about a person's mentality, their goals and dreams, the way a person carries themselves. When Megumi met you, he found you quite attractive, your drive is what lured him in and from there his feelings developed.
Megumi is subtle in showing his affection. Little touches here, sticky notes meant just for you, always carrying 'extra' snacks. It actually might take you awhile to notice his affections for you, simply because it is so subtle. Megumi seems like the person to wait until you confess. However. Megumi would confess if he gets pushed to or knows he won't get rejected.
Once he confesses, his love is soft and soothing with a hint of awkwardness. Megumi in the beginning would be showing affection through words and small acts of service, always telling you how much he appreciates you and doing things for you. Some of these things would be things like picking up snacks for you, doing your laundry, leaving you some of his clothes. He likes to do these things without you knowing because I think it lessens the embarrassment he feels doing it.
Even if you are in a long term relationship with him, he always gets flustered by you. Megumi is naturally reserved, so telling him I love you with sincerity will cause him to malfunction. Poor boy freezes and stutters around his words while avoiding eye contact.
Now, physical contact in this relationship is a tell tale sign of how much Megumi trusts you and loves you. Megumi is the type of person to reserve physical touch for someone he completely trusts, so with you, this will let you know his true feelings.
Touch would start with closeness at first, just grazing hands or bumping knees, but would develop into hours of intimate cuddling because he's touched starved. KISSING, oh my lord- his kisses tell you everything he feels. so intense, no matter how soft he kisses you.
if you're a sorcerer, Megumi is the type to go on missions with you, but doesn't complain if he can't go with you. However, worries a lot and contemplates going after you. Unlike Yuuji, who would go to literal war, Megumi trusts your strength a lot. The only time he is like yuuji is against a particularly strong curse. Loves fighting together though, it shows how much you trust him.
NSFW
Megumi gives me verse energy. Like he was a top for a long time, asked you if he could bottom once and was surprisingly into it. So now when the mood arises, its whatever you guys are in the mood for. You guys often take turns.
His first time was with you- Megumi just seems like a late bloomer and you were the only person he did stuff with. He's very gentle because he knows it can be painful, I think sexually his fear is not being good enough for you, so give him as much reassurance as you can.
Now this boy is rather kinky despite his personality. Loves when you beg, drives him mad to hear your pleas and whimpers. Likes the pain of you needing something to hold onto when he tops which results in scratches down his back and the pulling of his hair. Doesn't think condoms are necessary because you're the only person for him in his eyes- aka likes breeding. When he bottoms, he enjoys riding and wants to see your face as he does. Do not get it twisted though, he's very much into you messing him up and railing him.
SEND THIS BOY NUDES. DO IT. Mans will sprint home if he has to. Don't do it too often or he'll get used to it. Maybe like once every two-ish weeks. Or better yet do it while he's on a mission. Megumi always tries to answer you, so expecting something serious, he short circuits when its just a pic of you in some underwear he thought he ripped the last time you guys were intimate.
Conclusion
Shy boy into some kinky things with his partner. It might take him some time to develop a deep relationship with you because he's scared you'll leave, but as long as you provide him the security he needs, he'll stay by your side indefinitely.
If you were to break up with him, you're just like his dad in his eyes and the betrayal would result in him locking many people out. Unlike Yuuji, who's emotions pour out of him, many wouldn't know Megumi is barely scrapping by.
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G. Satoru
Gojo doesn't give a rats ass how you present yourself, he lives by the motto "a hole's a hole." What truly would make Gojo invest in more than casual hooking up is your personality. Gojo needs someone who doesn't need him and doesn't care about who he is in the sorcerer world. Someone like that would capture his eye rather quick and this man is like "Eh? I'm GOJO SATORU, you know top dog?" and you would just blink and go back to whatever it was you were doing.
Shows off so much trying to impress you. "ne ne (Y/n) did you see me squash that special grade into dust?" *sigh* "Yes Gojo, I also saw you split one into a thousand pieces and turn another into a ball." so unamused by his abilities.
The one time he saw amazement cross your features is when he was playing the piano (I feel Gojo's other talents were never looked at and everyone saw him as this god like being, all he wants is someone to look at other things he can do.) and his heart skipped a beat. Because his first goal was just get into your pants, he was quite surprised you were more interested in his normal talents. This is where he begins showing you his real side, still a teasing man child, but he begins asking you about your interests and seeing what you have in common.
The more he learns, the harder it is for him to find a way not to commit to you. You see Gojo subconsciously looks for a reason to leave, he hates being tied down and is super flighty. Then there's you, ticking all his boxes without even knowing it. There's only been one person to do that.
So he takes a leap and goes for it. He's still scared that he'll get burned like last time, but he's willing to try.
One of the requirements to being with Gojo is you need to be strong in your own right. Gojo is an extremely powerful man with many enemies, so his partner must be able to handle themselves. Being a sorcerer, Gojo would B E G you to go with him on literally every single mission and would throw the biggest tantrum until you say yes. Sometimes when he's being particularly childish, he'll stop fighting the curses to watch you do it. "You can do it (Y/n)-chan, if you win I'll give you kisses." Takes everything in your power not to launch your technique right at him as he sits there with his shit-eating grin.
This man in the beginning of your relationship is immediately extremely handsy. Just all up on you all the time, but little do you know is, this is really a protective measure for when you're out of the house. At home, he's still handsy, but you can just feel how different it is. He'll come and fall asleep on you, stand behind you when you're doing your skincare routine, always following you around the house.
Overtime, you'll become his place to rest when he needs to recharge. You're the only time Gojo gets a break from being at the top. It makes you wonder if he ever truly gets to be normal.
Overall, Gojo's love is deceptively delicate because his personality is quite childish, he uses it as a mask to hide how he's really feeling. So you might think everything is going swimmingly until he ups and leaves you. Once he starts showing you that real side of him, that's when you have him wrapped around your finger.
NSFW
This man is incredibly horny. His stamina is very high and he's very kinky. Gojo is a dominant verse whore. It doesn't matter if he's taking or giving, he's always in control. Honey you were not first and you might not be the last, this man is very confident in pleasuring you.
Gojo like I said, is incredibly kinky. He enjoys degrading you, overstimulating you until you beg him to stop, he wants to break you and make you only crave him. Seriously, you might want to think about a safe word because this man won't stop until you're not even speaking coherent sentences. In saying that there are somethings that you can try (key word 'try') to do to make him lose his mind. One of those things is a blowjob, his dick is incredibly sensitive in certain areas, so he'll become a mind-numbed mess if you're good enough. Another is softly begging in his ear and saying how he's the only one who makes you feel this way aka call him your god in bed and he'll bust right then and there.
Phone sex. Legit will call you if you guys haven't been together for a few days and all you hear are his whines and groans. "Guess what I'm doing cutie~"
THIS MAN- you're never safe to answer your phone because one time you opened the snap and it was him lazily jacking his dick. You have a small heart attack every time the notif is a snap from Gojo, just praying you can open it in public and 9/10 you can't.
The type of guy to get handsy in public places. Just in your ear like "Baby pleeeeasssseeeee can we fuck in public, I promise you'll still be able to walk when I'm done."
Conclusion
Gojo is a rollercoaster of a relationship that needs it's rider to be okay with a lot of distance for awhile and sudden disappearances. Without the right criteria, the relationship is doomed to fail.
If you were to break up with him, he would immediately sleep with as many people as he can to numb himself from the pain of having a hole ripped right through him. He'd go back to that childish personality, but you can feel the edge in his words despite his tone.
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N. Kento
Nanami gives me 'gave up on the sex of my partner ages ago' energy. Like he has tried relationships with a lot of people and realized all people suck. So you being a man means nothing to him, you just have to prove to him you're not shitty like everyone else.
The type of guy that takes you out on proper dates in the beginning. It's usually dinner because of his job, but sometimes he'll ask you to lunch. Nanami will bring you small gifts like flowers or Knick knacks he thought you'd like.
Nanami likes someone a little younger than himself, probably around 23-24, they still have that idealistic thought process but with realistic foundations. He likes someone who can be serious, but still enjoys things like joyrides or going out bowling.
Nanami is a very uptight guy, so you're going to have to work to get him to relax. When you do, this is when he starts to see you as long time partner rather than someone who is just for fun. Literally goes from stick up his ass, to a big softie that just wants to curl up in bed with you. He'll start smiling more and doing intimate things like bathing together.
Nanami would probably rather have someone outside the sorcerer world so he doesn't have to think about work when he sees you. He wouldn't complain if you were though, gives him a lot less to worry about since he knows you can handle yourself. Doesn't even stress when you go on missions by yourself, he respects your strength.
NSFW
Now Nanami is moderately kinky. He's definitely a top and will not change. He's into ddlb (dom daddy and little boy for my innocents out there.) Very much into control and making you take it, he's not one for brats and will tame that shit right out of you. Doesn't need a safe word, he's very good at gauging your reactions. Really really into deep throating and you better learn how to breathe or you'll be struggling. Likes breeding, so he would be glad you can't have children.
Conclusion
Nanami’s love is traditional and straight forward. He likes routine to a certain degree and that degree ends at stable relationship, everything else is not that fun without a level of risk to him, but he likes that when he comes home, you'll be right there.
if you were to break up with him, Nanami would sigh and say he told himself so. He's hurt, but it'll solidify that people are still and always will be shitty.
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R. Sukuna
Sukuna does not do love. period. The only way I could see him giving notice to someone is if they are powerful, someone who can bring him amusement. Sukuna only does thing for his own entertainment end of discussion.
I’m going to be using post-Yuuji Sukuna, so he’s restricted by Yuuji himself and can’t outright cause chaos at all times. This way Sukuna has to spend more time with people than he’d like to, normally he would just kill something once he’s bored, but now he has to deal with them.
Noticed your technique through Yuuji and was amused, much like Megumi, he thought your curse technique had a lot of potential to be devastating. As Yuuji spent more time with you, Sukuna began noticed more things about you, like that you cooked better than Yuuji, were extremely versatile in battle with your technique and so on.
The type to notice your attraction to him and act on it. He can’t really do much since he’s in Yuuji’s body, so he’s going to work with what he’s got. Didn’t care if you’re male or female, he just likes a strong partner so he can go harder during sex.
Your relationship would start with being his toy, something to bring him pleasure that is all. With Sukuna, you must both respect him and not fear him. He’s very big on respect and trust, but hates when someone he views as ‘important’ fears him because they’ll betray him the second they can. Everyone else can fear him, he doesn’t care.
Sukuna is also highly unpredictable and unstable, be prepared for death at a moments notice tbh. He’ll kill you if he feels like it. In a deeper relationship, Sukuna is a hard pressed tsundere, saying things quite harshly. Saying things like, “Here brat, I don’t need you breaking just yet.” “Dumbass, that curse was stronger than you.” “I took care of them because you’re weak.”
Trust between Sukuna and you is a game of high stakes chess, one wrong move and you’re nothing but trash to him. However, succeed in earning his trust and you’ll be rewarded with a loyal man. Though Sukuna hates showing vulnerability, so he’ll treat you the same in public places that he would treat anyone else. Alone, he’s alright with whatever as long as it doesn’t annoy him.
Surprisingly protective. He’ll kill curses he deems are a problem to you or rip a person limb from limb if he found a hair missing from your head. Doesn’t understand why you don’t let him handle it, he’s way stronger than you.
Is almost never soft with you unless he’s extremely tired or just waking up. Holding you as close as he can and telling you not to go. Don’t bring it up either, he’ll end you if you tell anyone.
Will never tell you, but likes touching you, you’re very soft compared to him. He’s the type of guy to have callous from years of fight and doesn’t really care about his skin to much because he’s a God in his eyes.
Would rather surrender himself to a church than admit he gets slightly giddy when you remember small details about him. Like this man has a lot of history, so when you know a tiny random detail about him, his non-existent heart shutters a little.
Nsfw
This man is extremely kinky during sex. I pray for your well being because honestly I don’t know if you’re going to live through sex with him. A dom top period, that last person to even insinuate they could top him was added to his innate domain permanently.
He’s into completely dominating you and make sure you know he owns you. B I G into impact play, slapping you a lot until you’re a beautiful red. Degrading and humiliating you, honestly would let people watch so they know that you’re his property.
Actually really likes his partner to be a brat, man loves breaking you and turning you into a submissive bunny just for him. Honestly he just likes pushing people beyond their limits, like really into emotional play, he wants to see your expressions when he does something. Ooo objectification, will use you like a foot stool and sit on you. Man in general will work you hard.
In saying all that, immaculate aftercare because he knows your mind is too far gone to remember him being this caring and soft for you. Literally bathes you and gets you into bed curled up on him. Also makes sure your body didn’t sustain a lot of damage during sex.
Do. Not. Taunt. Sukuna. It will not end well. “Huuuh? You think you can handle more little boy?” Eyes narrowed and smile too tight. You’ve awoken the beast and he’s not going to leave anything unbroken.
Conclusion
Sukuna’s love is... well a bike ride through hell? To be honest you’ll never know if he loves you. Everything about him is highly unpredictable and dangerous, you could end up as worm food in seconds.
Breaking up with Sukuna... you’re joking right? You don’t have the balls to tell a man who could split you into a million pieces with a flick of the wrist, you’re breaking up with him , right?
Seriously he’ll kill you, no hesitation. It’s either realize you’re stuck with him or die. I think most people would assume he never cared at first, but he did care and now you want to leave him? Absolutely not. He set everything down for you and he’ll be damned if he lets you live without him.
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T. Aoi
(First and foremost- why is it so hard to find Toudou headers.)
Okay, I’m sorry but Toudou to me is a straight guy, so I can’t really see him with a male. But, if it were to happen, I think it would go like this:
Being childhood friends with Toudou, you were used to his eccentric personality and sometimes extreme antics.
This man is EXTREMELY comfortable with you. You guys grew up together, so some of the things you guys do together would definitely be seen as way too much for friends. I’m talking sharing the same bed, bathing together, using each other’s things without permission. To you guys, you’ve been doing this since you were little, so neither of you think twice.
I think there would be a trigger that would make Toudou realize he’s more into you than being friends. Like maybe someone flirting with you, he’d at first think he’s being replaced as a friend, but it’s much deeper than that. Definitely debates in his head about what he’s feeling toward you. After going back and forth with his type of girl in his head, he’ll come to terms with it.
This is when he’ll start noticing things he’s never payed that much attention to before. Things like how small you’re compared to him, the way clothes fitted to your body, how pretty you actually were and most important difference- how he’s never noticed you have the fattest ass he’s ever seen.
Seriously this man’s sexuality went from women to women + you.
Toudou isn’t the type to wait either, as soon as he knows how he feels, he confesses. He’s the type of guy to say “take it or leave it, that is how I feel.”
You kinda just stand there. Like, huh? Toudou are you feeling okay? Have- have you been cursed? There’s no way, Toudou middle name pussy pounder Aoi just said he was into you romantically... right?
After the shock, you reciprocated his feelings and began dating.
Now, this man- S U P E R affectionate and devoted. Always wanting to hold hands or link arms. He loves cuddling and playing with your hair while you sleep on him. Puddy in your hands if you give him a massage.
Toudou is immensely dedicated. He knows your favorite foods down to the amount of salt you use on your fries, knows what sizes you prefer for hoodies, shirts, button ups and so on, and this man knows your favorite movies by heart.
He’s the type to buy you something simply because you said it was starting to give you problems.
Lovvvvessss dates. I mean he’s a hopeless romantic, he wants to take you on really cheesy dates that you’d see honeymoon couples go on.
The type to want to match clothing or jewelry.
If you’re a sorcerer, he’s wanting to train everyday, he likes seeing you in action. Double points if you can match him in strength too. He respects your strength enough to not worry about you, he’s confident in his S/o’s abilities.
NSFW
Top. Enough said. Ok but seriously, he wants to clap you cheeks so bad.
Toudou has the biggest size kink too, I’m talking like he’s the type to point right at your navel and say “I’m right here baby~ can you feel me filling you?”
His definitely into railing. His favorite position is the mating press, allows him to hit deeply and as hard as he wants.
Lovesss when you whine and beg. He wants to see how much you can take before your begging him to let you cum.
The type of guy to leave your ass a nice reddish purple color. Just two big ass hand prints on you ass and hips.
✨i m m a c u l a t e✨ aftercare. It’s almost like he’s worshipping you when he’s cleaning you up and making sure you’re taken care of.
Conclusion
Being with Toudou is like being with an Aries, he’s high energy and can get easily bored. He enjoys someone who excites him both mentally and physically. Loves a challenge. Toudou’s love is like a concentrated ball of sunlight, it’s hot and bright. He’s overly devoted to you and tells you how much you mean to him all the time.
If you break up with him, he’s the type to hold his head high until he’s alone and then he breaks down, crying into his hands. Thinking, “Was I too much?” “Maybe I wasn’t enough?” He’s confident, but he’s still a person with insecurities.
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grimrester · 3 years
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Deltarune: Whose Choices Matter? (major spoilers for all routes)
I'm so extremely sure others have discussed this to death already, but I'm obsessed with the themes of "choice" in Deltarune. What's really stuck in my head are these three things:
1. At the start, you, the player, are told no one can choose who they are in this world and that your choices don't matter. The character you make gets thrown away.
2. Pretty much the second you're in the dark world, Ralsei starts telling Kris that their "choices are important too."
3. Toby has said many times that there is "only one ending" and, in one interview, that there's "something more important than reaching the end."
Lots of people have said that Toby was lying since there obviously are differences in both chapters depending on the choices you make. But I don't think that's true. Toby's the type to use clever wording to tell half-truths, but not straight up lie.
It's technically true that there's just one ending. No matter what the player does, the king still ends up in jail. Queen still stops her plan and joins you. Kris still opens up another dark foundation.
The changes in each playthrough are only indirectly the result of the player's actions. They are instead direct results of how the characters treat Kris and each other because of how you acted. Your actions don't matter and can't effect how the story plays out in and of themselves. But because all the key moments - the pillars, Ralsei revealing the story of the Roaring, etc - hinge on the characters' actions, their choices are the ones that matter and the ending is always more or less the same. This theme of choice and the effect of your actions on others is central to pretty much every "changeable" part of the story.
Let me provide some examples.
1. Minor Details
If you toss away the manual Ralsei gives you in chapter 1, he'll put a trashcan in Kris' room instead of a stand for the manual.
This is a really small, pretty insignificant detail. It doesn't affect the story. I personally never touched the manual again even though I kept it. If you toss it, Ralsei still gives Kris/the player tips on how to play. But Toby still programmed it in. He programmed Ralsei to notice you threw away something he worked on, and to treat you differently as a result. Maybe just as a joke, sure. But there's many other instances of characters remembering your actions and treating you accordingly.
Another example: If you step off one of the first electric wall switches before Noelle is done crossing to the other side to stand on the other button, she scolds you and then pulls the same prank on you. Kris looks hurt in response - because they're getting punished for something you did. It's a lot harder to brush this one off as just a joke when it ends with someone feeling hurt.
2. Kris' Dialogue
The player chooses a lot of dialogue for Kris. But sometimes Kris speaks on their own or chooses how they say what they're told by the player to say.
After the Spamton NEO fight, if you choose to tell Susie you're okay, Susie will think about how Kris is speaking hoarsely, and so she thinks Kris probably isn't okay. If you choose to say you're not okay, Ralsei says Kris is yelling. No matter what option you choose, Kris chooses to do their best to communicate that they are definitely not okay. It's Kris' choice here that matters and effects how the characters react, not yours.
3. Recruiting
Chapter 2 hammers in the idea that sparing enemies is important by introducing the recruiting mechanic. But recruiting doesn't seem to actually do much yet, aside from giving you some extra dialogue and dojo challenges.
At one point, there's some tutorial text from Ralsei that mentions how from now on, fighting an enemy instead of sparing it will make it unable to be recruited. Then it specifically mentions that there might be times where breaking bonds will make you stronger. There was something like this in chapter 1, too, where Ralsei seems to realize after fighting the king that the party can't always spare everyone.
This is in pretty stark contrast to Undertale, where the fight/spare mechanic basically meant choosing between life and death for any character. The character you're fighting doesn't get any say in the matter in Undertale. In Deltarune, you (or, more accurately, Kris) don't have the power to kill someone. You can only beat them up badly enough that they choose not to join you. At some point in the later chapters, making someone not want to join you might be a better decision.
4. Berdly
If you just focus on the Queen, Berdly tries to remove it himself, damaging his arm in the process. When he wakes up in the light world later, he still can't move his arm.
In the first battle with Queen, Berdly is attached to one of her plugs. You can loosen it to free him, like you did with the Werepires.
You didn't hurt Berdly. But if you choose to ignore him to focus on finishing the fight instead, his own actions in response cause him to be hurt anyway.
5. Snowgrave
Kris doesn't seem to have the ability to kill. Neither does Susie or Ralsei.
But Noelle does.
It's important to note that the player doesn't have complete control over anyone in the party except Kris. At the start of chapter 1, Susie makes her own choices in battle. Even in chapter 2, you can't take equipment off her unless you're swapping in something else (she tells you "Hands off!" if you try). The characters can just straight up refuse to follow your/Kris' orders if they want.
If you command Noelle to brute force puzzles, to "get" the ring, to ice all the Darkners, she gets used to hurting others to feel stronger. Then she can use Snowgrave - the only action that specifies it is lethal - in the fight with Berdly. When you tell Noelle to use Snowgrave, she refuses several times. She even tells you that she "doesn't know a spell called Snowgrave" to get you to stop. If you keep badgering her, she finally snaps, and chooses to cast it.
The wildest part about the Snowgrave route, in my opinion, is that there doesn't even seem to be any reward for doing it. In Undertale, the whole appeal of the No Mercy route was the epic boss fights that couldn't be played on any other route. The reward was the challenge. In Snowgrave, you skip almost half of the story and multiple boss fights. And for what? A slightly harder version of a boss you can also fight on any other run?
You can manipulate Noelle into making a terrible choice and presumably killing Berdly, seemingly just for the hell of it. After you return to the light world, the only things that change in the story are that Berdly doesn't wake up and Noelle is scared out of her mind if she sees you wearing her watch. Susie still walks you home. Toriel still asks Susie to stay over. Kris still slashes the tires on Toriel's car and opens a new foundation. Nothing major changes.
All Snowgrave seems to do is get you to the same ending faster.
Deltarune is about choices, sure. But more accurately, it's about how your choices affect the people around you, and how that informs their choices, and so on.
So, what's more important than reaching the end? It's how you - and the characters - chose to get there. It's about the journey, not the destination.
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buckyownsmylife · 3 years
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Follow you - Chris Evans smut
The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more
Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris
Word count: 4.1k
A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever!  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!
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Chris’ P.O.V.
“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.
“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.
It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.
“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”
She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.
“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.
“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.
“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.
Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.
And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.
She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.
I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.
But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.
“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.
“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.
“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.
“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.
“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.
“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.
I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.
It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.
We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.
She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.
I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.
I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.
It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.
And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.
It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.
I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.
And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.
Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.
I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.
I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.
All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.
She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.
I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.
And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?
Xxx
“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.
To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.
“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.
“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.
“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.
Much like her, I supposed.
I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.
She was wearing an apron.
There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.
And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.
But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.
“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”
The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.
“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.
“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it,  starting to suck me off without any preamble.
My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.
Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?
“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.
“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.
“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.
“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.
I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.
“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.
“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.
“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.
“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.
I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.
A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.
“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”
The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.
Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.
“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.
“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”
“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.
“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.
“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”
The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.
“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.
“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.
“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.
“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.
“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.
“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”
Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.
“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.
“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”
The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.
We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?
“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.
“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”
“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.
“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”
The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.
Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.
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strawbxrryneptune · 3 years
Text
Level one
Word count: 10k
Cw: pretty tame, just slight descriptions of a dick, play fighting, mentions of almost dying.
This fic and the fics following will contain monster fucking, cucking and threesomes!! If you are not comfortable, try out some of my other works, but if you wish to proceed, remember, sharing is caring.
@miggiisdumb
Next~♡
♡♡
Being a princess was always portrayed as this lush, lavish life. Spoiled rotten with goodies and suitors on you left and right. Everyone respects you, maybe even fears you, and you don't have to worry about a thing cause you have your guards and your secure little tower.
Only one of those things applied to you. The people of the Mushroom kingdom adored you, sending you gifts and bringing their cute little families to meet you. You had moved out of the actual palace ages ago, deciding to reside in a cute little cottage hidden deep in the woods. 
You had some bodyguards, but you kind of doubted their abilities in warding off monsters. You didn't mind fighting by the side though, it built up your strength and courage. 
You knew that you alone were pretty strong, and so were your guards, but it still confused you how you barely got bothered. Occasionally you would hear a growl or roar in the distance, but it was quickly cut off and you would go about your business. 
You finally found out what was keeping the monsters at bay when you ventured out into the forest alone, not wanting to wake up your bodyguard since you were just getting berries.
You had managed to fill up your basket and make it halfway back before you felt a rush of air behind you, only getting a second to blink before you were sent flying, hot breath and saliva tickling your neck and cheek.
You kick and scream, arms flailing when the creature pushes your head down into the dirt.
You start to weaken as your vision swims, struggling to breathe. You go limp, letting out choked sobs when the creature is suddenly ripped off of you. You hear shuffling and roaring, and then the forest goes silent for a moment before coming back to life, birds chirping and wind blowing as you feel someone touch your arm gently. 
You hear a smooth, low voice fussing over you, the stranger lifting you up and assisting you back to the cottage. You try to turn to see their face, but all you can make out is a bright red hat, dark red hair and pretty lips before they're turning you back around.
When you make it to the cottage, you try to once again turn to thank the person, but they're already gone. About to head back inside, you see a bright red object laying on the ground. When you get closer, you realize it's the strangers hat, soft and big with a K patched into it.
You gasped, realizing who exactly this man was.
You came from a long line of royalty, your mother being Queen Star and your sister being Princess Peach. When you were kids, your mother would tell you of an Italian family who were so kind and brave, always looking to serve and expecting nothing in return.
For your mother, it was a man named Papa Mario, and for Peach it was Mario Jr. And Luigi. Around the time you were born, they also were welcoming a baby into the world, and you have fuzzy memories of a little boy with sharp teeth and red hair vowing to protect you even when you were in diapers.
Snapping back to reality, you scurry back inside and throw on a more casual outfit, still in a dress but with more room to move, slipping on some boots and stuffing the hat in your bag.
You take the path down to town, chatting with the residents along the way until you arrive at the Mario Bros Tavern. 
You step inside, greeting everyone and making your way over to the counter, seeing who you assume is the brother, dressed in all green. His name tag reads "Izuku", and you smile at him when he looks your way. 
"Hi, Princess!! What brings you here?"
You dig in your bag and take out the plush hat, holding it in front of you.
"I- Uh…. I found this in the woods, I was jus' wondering if the owner of it was here?"
Izuku lets out a soft, 'oh', and holds a finger up to you to signal you to wait. He disappears into the back room and when he comes back you suddenly wish you were dressed better.
In the forest all you could see what that your "hero" was wearing overalls and red. You didn't pick up on the fact that he was probably almost 7 feet tall, buff and solid with pretty, full lips and a sharp smile, cute spiky hat hair which a deeper shade of red then his clothes, which fit him so perfect it was like he just stepped out of a clothes factory. 
When you met eyes, the stranger gave you a sheepish smile, stepping up to the counter and gently taking the hat from your now trembling hands. 
"Gee, thanks for bringing this back, Prn'cess. I hadn't even realized I lost it."
You search for words, feeling your cheeks heat up when his smile widens, big veiny hands reaching out to shut your mouth, which fell right back open at the feel of his hands on your face.
"I'm, uh, I'm also here to thank you for saving me today…"
"Kiri."
"Kiri. Thank you, Kiri."
He smiles a toothy smile, giving you a silly bow. You giggle, your heart swelling with affection as you realize you could get used to this.
"As a token of my appreciation, I'm taking you on a date in two days, up by the waterfalls."
The red head blinks in surprise before his smile returns, pink coloring his cheeks as he mods vigorously.
"I'll see you then, Princess!!"
♡♡
You trudged through the forest, cursing yourself for putting off your carriage repair. The trail was under construction, so you had to walk you way through the bushes towards the waterfall. 
At least you weren't wearing a formal dress. You were just wearing a simple skirt and a top, some boots and a picnic basket in your hand.
As you stumble along, you start to hear the roaring of the waterfall, but laced within you hear growls and grunts, followed by a shout that sounded all too familiar.
Kirishima.
You pick up speed and come to a clearing, stepping back slightly in shock. 
In front of you is one of the legendary Bowser men, powerful and downright terrifying. They had a tendency to go after princesses, which was the main reason the Mario brothers protected your family. 
This Bowser was the new heir, Bakugou. He didn't have red hair like his father, his was an ash blonde, and his shell was a slightly darker green. He was taller too, looked about 6'9 from where you were standing, but he towered over Kirishima so you figured he was over 7 feet. He was actually kind of attractive, which surprised you given how his dad looked.
Kirishima has him in a headlock, both of them grunting and growling and you would be lying if the sight wasn't hot, but you shook the feeling off and silently marched over to the two, wanting to "save" the red head like he had for you for the longest time. 
Taking a deep breath, you launched yourself on the Blonde's shell with a shout, quickly realizing how stupid this "plan" was when you could barely hold on, being so small compared to him that when he stood up and reached behind him, he could just pluck you up like a bug, holding by the back of your shirt in a big hand. 
"What happened Bakubro? Why'd you stop-y/n?"
"Well well well, wha d'we have here? Is this the pretty little prn'cess yer were telling me about, Kiri?"
You gulp harshly, not even out of fear anymore now that you realized that they were play fighting, and that they know each other. 
No, you were nervous because Bakugou was hot. Sharp canines digging into his bottom as he watched you dangle in his palm, spiky hair leading down to a bushy mullet, bulging muscles and thick thighs hidden by a ratty loin cloth, blonde happy trail-did something just twitch?
You swiftly look back up, looking into knowing vermillion eyes as he licks his lips and shoots you a smirk, his eyes dark and cheeks slightly flushed. When you feel a slight breeze and begin to rock, you realize that hes still holding you. Up in the air. With one hand. 
This is not doing anything good to your manhandling kink. You can already feel your panties start to get sticky as he gently sets you back down, standing straight back up.
You're now level with his veiny thighs, hands starting to tremble from how guilty and horny you feel. The guy you asked out on a date is right there!! Speaking of, you glance at Kiri and he's already looking at youz something dark gleaming within his eyes but quickly hidden when you meet gazes, rushing forward to trap you in a crushing hug, big hands running up your sides.
You blush as you pull back, about to ask if he wants to get going when he jogs back over to Bakugou, who's eyes haven't left you, and tackles him onto the ground, putting him in a chokehold.
You would be pissed, you planned a picnic and its getting dark, the bugs coming out and the air getting sticky but they look so good like that, muscle on muscle, and Bakugou keeps letting out snarls and growls that go straight to your cunt, slicking up your panties as you think about those big, clawed hands your skirt up and plugging you up with his big dick.
You stop mid thought as you remember what they taught you in Princess survival school, in the monster course. Bowsers can smell really really well. Which means Bakugou….could probably smell you right now. 
You look up at him and let out a breath of relief when you see he's still distracted by the Kirishima, writhing to try and get away from the his grip on his neck. With a sharp movement from the blonde, his loin cloth flutters to the side momentarily and flashes you a peak of his really, really fat cock. You almost pass out from how fast blood rushes to your head when you see so many veins and bumps, and he's obviously not even hard. 
All of a sudden, Bakugou takes a deep breath, preparing to let out a roar to startle Kirishima into letting him go, and chokes on air, gasp getting caught in his throat. Kiri is none the wiser, laughing and joking behind him about how hes strongest, but Bakugou isn't paying attention, eyes blown wide and rolled in his head as his tongue slightly lolls out of his mouth, as if to taste what he's smelling.
To taste you. 
His head rolls to the side, eyes trained on the clench of your thighs and flush of your body, and it make his hips jump, red irises locking onto you as drool spills out of his open mouth. 
Kirishima realized how quiet he is, and attempts to peak over and see if he's okay but Bakugou roughly shoulders him off and stomps away into the trees, leaving you dazed and Kirishima confused. 
"That was weird."
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goldengoddess · 3 years
Text
you’re my home - kaz brekker
pairing: kaz brekker x heartrenderi!reader
request: hi!can i request a kaz brekker x reader where they were childhood friends but she had to leave because she was a grisha, and later at the fete they see each other again and she ends up helping the crows?thank you!!have a great day!
a/n: hey i hope this is what you like! i based it more off the show and just switched things around,,,, this is absolutely cheesy and i hate it and i didn’t know how to end it pls forgive me omg
warnings: normal heist stuff, like one curse word?
kaz brekker had changed since the last time you saw him. 
to start, he was taller. he’d grown at least two feet. he’d also grown into himself, he didn’t look like the lanky boy that you had once pulled out of the garbage can that one time. and he had a noticeable limp, something that he hadn’t had when the two of you had last talked. his clothes were different too, he was wearing a little palace guards uniform. 
but you knew who he was anyways. 
his voice was the same, the same comforting sound that invaded your dreams on a good night and had you screaming on a bad night. when you heard him whispering you whipped your head around in panic. he was leaning down talking to suli girl in hushed and angry tones. 
when had he become a palace guard? you wondered to yourself, how hadn’t you noticed before? why was he in ravka of all places?
a silly thought came into your head, was he looking for you?
but you pushed the thought away, moving close enough to listen but not to get caught. 
“take your position” you heard him say to the girl, also in guards uniform.
she moved away silently, too silently. 
kaz straightened himself and surely enough turned his head in your direction.
his eyes were also the same. they were the same color the same look. but they were hardened and cold. the eyes of a boy who had done everything too survive. even the things that he didn’t want to do. 
his face was shocked for only a fraction of a second before he regained his composure and faced the rest of the room. standing straight and poised like any of the other palace guards.
had he not recognized you? no, that couldn’t be it. the two of you had grown up together, yes you had changed but not enough that he wouldn’t know who you were. maybe he resented you. for leaving. for being grisha. for having been taken away and saved from the streets of ketterdam unlike him. 
you remembered the day they had taken you away.
you and kaz were huddled in the corner of the room away from the rest of the kids your age. 
the two of you were been inseparable. stuck together like glue, everyone said.
both of you worked the shitty jobs in the barrel. the ones no one else wanted to do. you ran around the streets delivering packages and messages. you would clean up anything that needed cleaning. the two of you were survivors.
kaz never talked about his brother or how he’d ended up working the streets like this, but you knew, even then as a little kid, you were all he had. 
but nothing good ever lasted for little kaz brekker.
when the grisha examiners landed in the harbor of the city, all of the children running around making trouble on the street were forced to get tested.
you and kaz weren’t any different. 
you tried to hold onto him as the adults gripped to your arm, testing your for abilities in the small science. when they determined that you were grisha, and promised you a wonderful life at the little palace, they had to rip you from kaz’s arms.
the both of you were wailing and protesting, saying that you wouldn't go anywhere without the other. but eventually the fight left you and you let them drag you away from your only family to a country you didn’t know 
you snapped back to the reality of the party going on around you. kaz still looked stoic and unphased a few feet away from you, as if your presence didn’t affect him at all. 
but his presence affected you tremendously. 
you had whined and cried when you first made it to the palace but you had loved your life here. being surrounded by other grisha, other heartrenderers. people who could do the same things as you. understood the need to use your powers. and you couldn’t deny how comforting it had been to settle into a life where you didn’t have to worry about whether you could make enough money to eat. 
you thought of kaz all the time. you thought of everything you had left behind but the only thing that had really mattered to you in that horrible place was kaz. you wondered what had become of the young boy you knew in the years since you had seen him.
just as you were about to make a move to talk to him, two squallers were storming in the direction of kaz and the silent girl he had been talking too before. 
the two of them shared a look and started walking in opposite directions. kaz walked past you, sparing you the fastest look ever. a look no one else would have even noticed. but you did because kaz brekker, your child hood best friend was finally in front of you. 
the hurried and suspicious steps of your fellow grisha, set off an alarm in your head. even when the two fo you were little, kaz was good at getting out of sticky situations. he has a gift for scheming and the sleight of hand.
he was here on a job, you concluded.
you waited a few seconds and then snuck away, following kaz out of the room where the main events of the fete were taking place. 
you walked in just in time to see the inferni make a move to attack kaz. you raised your arms and the grisha dropped like a stone. kaz turned around in a fighting stance and froze when he saw you. he kept his hands in fists, as if he was waiting for you to attack him too. 
you dropped you hands, “what are you doing here kaz?”
he dropped his hands as well but you could tell he was still on guard and looking for a way to leave the room.
"i don't have to explain myself to you” he all but growled at you.
you stepped away from him, like his words had physically wounded you.
he seemed to regret the words and took a couple of steps closer to you. 
“i’m here on a job and i really need to go find my team so if you’ll excuse me” he tried to move to the door that was behind you. 
“let me help” you said, almost desperate. he had just come back into your life, and yes it seemed like he resented you but you couldn’t let him go just yet. 
he looked at you skeptically but nodded his head, “i need to get to the courtyards with the carriages. can you take me there.”
you nodded and started leading the way. you turned through many different hallways, moving up and downstairs. every now and then you held up a hand for kaz to stop, as you listened for a heartbeat nearby. 
“you’re good at that” he mumbled, gesturing towards your heartrender movements. 
you nodded your head, a shy smile. “yeah i’ve had a lot of practice here.”
his face turned gloomy at that and you realized you had said the wrong thing. “yeah. i know” he said curtly. 
you stopped for a minute, turning to look at kaz in the dimly lit hallway.
“i’m sorry i left okay? i know it hurt you, i can only imagine how much it must have sucked. it was horrible here at first, i missed you every day. but i will not apologize for enjoying myself here and taking advantage of what i was taught. i like it here. i have friends, and a life, and im good at what i do and i will not allow you to make me feel bad about that.” you said all in one breath.
kaz didn’t say anything, choosing to look down at the floor instead of you. 
you sighed and took a step closer to him, you noticed he still wore the black gloves similar to the first pair that you had stolen for him when you two were younger.
“kaz,” you said, your voice shaking, “i missed you so much. i still miss you and you’re standing right in front of me. i get why you hate me but i really don’t want you to. so that’s why i’m helping you, that’s why i’m going to get you out of here without getting caught.” 
you turned on your heel, prepared to continue to lead him away. but before you could get away he grabbed your hand and spun you back around. 
he flinched at his own action and let go.
“i don’t hate you y/n. i get why you enjoyed yourself here, this over a life of petty and dangerous crime? of course this is the better opportunity but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when you left.”
you bit your lip and nodded your head in understanding. 
he looked directly into your eyes, “i knew you would be here but i thought, hey what are the chances of actually running into you. having to see you happy and having to live with the fact that i never came to look for you.”
you took a step closer to him, “kaz i don’t blame you for not coming to get me, i wouldn’t have wanted you to anyway.”
he looked at you and for the first time he looked desperate. kaz brekker was never desperate. and if he was, he didn’t show it.
“come home with us” he said.
you raised your eye brows in surprise.
“come home with me” he corrected, looking at the wall to avoid your eyes
it was the same voice he had used all those years ago, when he was begging for you to stay. he wanted to you stay with him. to come home. to go back to the place that had broke kaz and would probably have broken you.
but it was kaz.
but ketterdam wasn’t your home anymore.
kaz had been your home, but was he still?
the two of you stayed silent. there was still so much the two of you needed to say. how you had probably loved him as a kid. how you probably loved him now. how you regretted never writing, never trying. how you missed ketterdam. how this place would be perfect if kaz was here with you. but there wasn’t enough time or courage to say those things.
so instead, you raised your arms in your fighting grisha stance and smiled at him.
“how about we get you out of here first and then we can decide is i become a fugitive of ravka to go play crime boss in ketterdam?” you teased.
he almost gave you a grin and you continued walking, a new found peace settled between the two of you.
kaz brekker in the little palace, who should have thought.
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221bshrlocked · 3 years
Text
As Sweet As Honey, As Tempting As Death
Pairing: Pero Tovar x Fem!Reader
Words: 18524 (holy fuck this really got out of hand)
Warning: Angst to Smut to Angst to Sort of Fluff. Biblical verses that may or may not be used in a blasphemous context. Incorrect use of a rosary. Dub/Non-con elements due to sex pollen so proceed with caution but just know that both characters have been pining after each other and that the issue is resolved in the end. Some form of voyeurism. Penetrative, Unprotected Sex. Dirty/Sweet Talk. Spanking. Hair-Pulling. Oral (female and male receiving). Creampie. Slight Choking Kink. Fluid Exchange Kink because Tovar is filthy. Overstimulation. Squirting.
Summary: During the two years with William’s company, Tovar has been nothing but hostile towards you, constantly remarking about your religious lifestyle and how ‘unskilled’ you are during battle. But when you get hurt trying to save him, Tovar reevaluates his antagonistic behavior towards you and shows you some kindness. Thoughts of him apologizing are set aside, however, when he finally accepts that he will never have a chance with you upon hearing your prayers. Things take a turn for the worse when he realizes that the knife you were stabbed with was laced with an aphrodisiac and that there is a chance you might die if it isn’t worked out of your system properly. Does he ignore your cries for him and potentially leave you to your death or does he aid you and live with the knowledge that you will hate him forever once you come to your senses?
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A/N: This is born out of some sick part of me that finds it really hot and intense when one character is sexually frustrated and horny but is bound by their religious beliefs. I would say I don’t know what about this really specific “trope” that gets me going but I would be lying. I’m straight up projecting my own thoughts on this fic and I do apologize if this offends anyone’s beliefs. Hell, it offends my own beliefs but- like, there is no going back. Please let me know how I am doing in the comments. Thank you and enjoy. This is not beta’d and I apologize for any mistakes you find. I just really wanted to post this fic so I’ll go back in later to correct them.
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With each passing day, the roughness became a little hurtful, a little more unbearable. But with each insult and passing grumble, you had to remind yourself that life wasn’t fair to everyone, and certainly not to him. It has been almost two years since you’ve joined William’s company and you would have brought it up to him had you been assured that a certain Spaniard wouldn’t bite your head off at the sentimentality. A deep sigh escaped your lips before you could control it and you shut your eyes in an attempt to drown out the deep, sarcastic chuckle emanating from the man behind you. 
“Already tired princesa? Should we stop for the night to allow your highness to rest?” Tovar murmured something beneath his breath and you were sure he was only continuing with his insults in his mother tongue so William wouldn’t warn him again. You, on the other hand, had to bite your lip to refrain from pouting at the snarky comment. The last thing you wished was for Tovar to see your hurt. Not that he would care.
You kicked your horse to slow down and turned the other way just as Tovar passed you, ignoring the way he looked at you as you fell in step with another mercenary, one who’s only been with your group for a month. You smiled at him and nodded when he asked you how you were doing, politely excusing yourself as you looked down at the small book falling apart at your touch. Your eyes scanned the small pages of the Bible, and you prayed for guidance when you sensed a pair of angry eyes throwing imaginary daggers at you from ahead. 
As the sun set deeper into the sky, you helped William set up camp and ignored the teasing remarks Tovar continued to throw your way. The Irishman noticed how hard you were trying to ignore his old friend while also working on the tent and he instantly came to your aid and whispered a joke to you, not shying away from looking at his friend when your laughter rang through the forest. William watched as Tovar narrowed his eyes at him before cursing the two of you as he left to keep watch for the night. When everything was as it should be, you walked around with water and ensured that everyone was hydrated. You were standing with the newest member of the company, Thomas, asking him if he needed anything before you turned in for the night. He shook his head but held onto the wineskin, reluctantly turning towards Tovar before meeting your eyes.
“Would you prefer it if I bring it to him?”
“Thank you Thomas but that won’t be necessary. I’ll take it to him.” You held out your hand and waited patiently for the young man to give it to you, smiling at him and moving to walk past him when he held out his hand and grabbed your arm.
“Why do you not meet him with similar hostility?” You hadn’t expected for him to ask you such a question, and you know very well that Tovar could most certainly hear you when a few leaves broke underneath his feet as he tried to subtly move closer. 
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” You tilted your head to the side and smiled at Thomas before patting his shoulder. “Good night Thomas. Make sure you get enough rest.” You didn’t wait for an answer, turning away and heading towards the tree bark where Tovar was standing. You prayed that he would accept the drink and not create any problems but as soon as you looked up and saw the way he was looking down at you, you knew it wouldn’t be so simple. It never was with him.
“Good evening Tovar, would you like some w-” You aren’t able to finish your question because Tovar instantly cut you off with a growled order, spitting down to prevent you from coming closer to him. 
“¡Váyase!” It’s not the first time Tovar yells at you to leave him alone, and you’re sure it won’t be the last, but you swallow whatever you wish to tell him as you nod and leave the wineskin at the roots of the tree. You step away from him without once meeting his eyes and Tovar is sure you won’t say anything else so he looks down at the water you left him only to find you turning around and meeting his gaze head-on.
“Buenas noches.” You offer a smile that Tovar knows is forced and conveys no warmth or affection and he clenches his jaw when he sees you return to sit next to William near the fire. He watches the two of you interact for another moment before he turns around and stabs the tree with his knife. 
“Mierda.” 
Your eyes seek Tovar a few more times throughout the night before you move to your tent, and you ignore William’s teasing remarks when he catches you looking longingly at the grumpy Spaniard just before entering into your shelter. 
“It is a bit ironic isn’t it?” William asks as he moves towards his own tent and he offers a supportive smile when you shrug and look at your feet shyly. 
“Things would be a lot easier if we had control over whom our hearts choose.” You nod at him before bidding him a good night and moving into the safety of your tent. You take a few deep breaths and remove your weapons from your person, setting them down beneath your blankets as you bring your Bible out of your pocket once more to recite your nightly prayers. 
You were never one to question God’s decisions but if there ever came a time when you would, it would be now. You wanted nothing more than to know why Tovar couldn’t stand the sight of you. William assured you early on that it took a while for Tovar to warm up to new mercenaries they met along the road but it was completely different with you. What started out as whispered remarks about your abilities became loud and shameless insults about, not only your lack of skills, but your way of life as well. You weren’t sure if it was you that he hated or your religion, and it didn’t come to matter anyway because in the end, he would need to deal with his maker, not with you. 
But as much as you prayed for guidance and begged for patience, it seemed that the Almighty was electing to leave you on your own when it came to dealing with the man that was Pero Tovar. And no matter how hard you asked for Him to allow your heart to close towards the Spaniard, your prayers were never answered. Instead, you were left with a gaping hole in your heart that you came to realize would only be filled if the man who hated you with every ounce of his being learned to love you. It was a humorous thought and you shook your head at the wishful thinking before turning off the candle you always kept with you.
A few hours later, you wake up heaving and sweating, hands instantly grabbing for the sword beneath the pillow when you hear someone call for you from outside the tent. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, it takes you a few moments to recognize who was standing not five feet away from you.
“It’s your watch princesa...unless you want Th-”
“I’ll- I’ll be out in a minute.” You cut him off and flinch when you hear how hoarse and broken your voice sounds. It takes Tovar a few seconds to respond and you manage to hear a quick ‘bueno’ before he’s moving away. Moving around the tent, you quickly find your coat and put it on, grabbing your weapons and the small book near your pillow before moving out of the tent. You spot Tovar sitting near the fire but elect to say nothing, walking towards one of the water basins and throwing some across your face to freshen up before moving past him to where you would keep watch. Tovar bit harshly into the bread and couldn’t hold back from following your every move, his eyes sweeping over your form and landing on your backside. He barely managed to keep his moan quiet, his mind running away with thoughts of taking you over and over again until you only remembered his name. Until you couldn’t walk without feeling him on every inch of your skin.
He shuts his eyes and tries to remember how you sounded not ten minutes ago when he came to wake you. He could vaguely hear you whimpering inside your tent and almost came in to make sure you weren’t in danger. But he wouldn’t, couldn’t even if he tried. He had no right to do so. And then you spoke so heavily and he almost lost his bearings because he now knew what you sounded like just as you woke up. And he was certain your little sighs and moans would haunt his dreams in the coming nights. 
As if you hadn’t plagued his mind enough for the past two years.
The moon was still illuminating the night sky when Tovar woke up from his slumber and he walked away from the company to try and have some privacy, afraid he would give away his heart’s desires should he remain near the fire and continue to look at you. His ears pick up a faint sound coming from the edge of the trees and he takes his sword out as he approaches the voice, only to find you kneeling down on the floor with your own weapons attached to your back. For a moment, Tovar couldn’t breathe, his eyes taking in your beauty as your eyes remained shut and your lips moved softly. It took him a few more moments to notice the tears rolling down your cheeks and his frown grew when he realized that someone must have said something to you. He sheathed his sword away and was about to announce his presence when he finally heard what it was you were saying. One look at the book in between your knees and his anger came back a hundred fold. Of course you were praying. Tovar shook his head and was about to leave when he registered the words falling from your lips.
“I am weary with my groaning, all night I make my bed swim.” Tovar hisses beneath his breath as his mind conjures up images of your hands twisting your nipples and fingering your tight cunt while he watches you bring yourself to pleasure and drench the covers with your juices. He swallows the lump in his throat when you continue to pray and call for your God. 
“I drench my couch with my tears, my eye wastes away because of grief. It grows old because of all my enemies.” You’re sniffing through broken words and Tovar hates himself for growing hard at the sight of you. He knows he shouldn’t be thinking of you in such a way, especially during this intimate moment. Lord knows the blasphemous thoughts he has are enough to bring him to the depths of hell, but here he was, cupping himself through his breeches as you prayed your psalms and asked for guidance. There was no forgiveness for him, not now, not ever.
“I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My- my help comes from the L-Lord, who made heaven and- and, oh god, and earth. Please God, I beg for your forgiveness. The Lord is your keeper...the- the Lord is your shade at your right hand...the sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon- nor the moon by night. Christ, have mercy on me please. I do not mean to have such vile, unholy thoughts...it is not my- intention to...to act upon my dreams. Please, God...preserve my soul.” Tovar’s ears perk up at the sudden shift in your prayers and he maneuvers himself around with stealth to take a better look at you. 
And the twisted, sick part of him swears in gratitude for catching you at such an hour because he’s never seen a more beautiful sight than you in this moment, on your knees, hands clasping at your chest, eyes filled with unshed tears, and breasts heaving with neediness. 
You were magnificent. 
“Lord, I know you can hear me. Please, answer my prayers. I know...for the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep me from doing the things I want to do. Forgive me Lord for I have sinned. I have allowed Satan to make a home in my heart, I- I cannot...I am unable to fight him without your help. For-forgive me...forgive me.” Tovar’s eyes widened in surprise when he heard you, his heart threatening to escape his chest when your words finally sank into his mind. There was no mistaking the implications behind your words. You were having unholy thoughts of a man, and you were asking your God to forgive you for wanting someone. For wanting to be intimate with someone. 
But then Tovar recalled your interactions with Thomas and William, and his heart grew heavy with anger because it wasn’t him you were thinking of. It couldn’t have been him. He’d managed to drive you away, and now you were thinking of someone else worshiping you, kissing you, touching you, perhaps even laying with you and coaxing the sweetest of sounds from your lips.
“My spirit...do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.” With those words, Tovar leaves you and returns to the camp, unable to listen to any more of your confessions, especially when he knew they were aimed towards someone else. He recalled what you said last and swore to himself, because he would never...could never tempt you to break your own religion, your sanctity. There were countless times where he wished he could reveal to you his feelings but tonight’s prayers reminded him why he will never have you the way he wished. It was not out of fear of, what was it, God’s destruction, but out of care for your own being, your soul. He cared for you too much.
It’s hours later when the company is moving closer to the city and you focus on the road ahead of you to try and ignore the way your heart skips a beat when you hear Tovar’s soft chuckle at one of William’s stuipd jokes. It was amazing how only the Irishman managed to make him laugh and you wished you could hear it more often but it was not possible and certainly not beneficial to you. You were snapped out of your thoughts when William called for you and asked you to slow down.
“You are sure he is in the next town over?” William inquired after the bounty you were currently looking for, a man who stole one of the local lord’s shipments that arrived from the Near East and was now recruiting more thieves to keep him safe. You took out the note which your contact sent you and showed it to William, about to suggest how you should carry out this bounty when Tovar snatched the paper from your friend’s hands to read it over before throwing it haphazardly his way.
“I would love to know how you came about this information princesa? What did you give your little amigo? Gold, or perhaps it was that honey you searched for everywhere, sí? Or maybe, just maybe...it was something far sweeter than honey.” Tovar knew he shouldn’t be taunting you any further, and certainly not with implications about your sanctity. Thankfully, William snatched the wineskin from your horse and smacked Tovar in his face, growling at him something in Spanish that caused Tovar to look to the side and frown at the floor. 
“I do apologize Y/N. You were saying?”
“I- umm, there was a...my God, I am sorry. The only thing I wished to suggest was to perhaps catch them outside of town so we wouldn’t cause any serious damage to anyone’s home or business. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” And with that, you squeezed the sides of your horse so he could gallop ahead and once you thought you were far enough, you took out your prayers and flipped through the pages. 
Tovar grudgingly followed you to try and apologize for his hurtful comments when he saw you praying again. 
“Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of me, “There is no help for him in God.” But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill...I- I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. Save me, O my God.” You turn your head around when you feel a pair of eyes watching you, shaking your head when you find Tovar and William making plans while the rest of the company follow behind. No, he didn’t care.
“Why have you not apologized to her?”
“She was praying amigo, I- I cannot distract her when she...when she is having her moment with her God.” Tovar murmures and ignores the sarcastic laugh that erupts from his friend’s mouth.
“You truly are a piece of shit work Tovar. If you care for her this much, why not tell her? Or better yet, stop acting like an imbecile and treat her with kindness. Lord knows she’s too nice with you.”
“Mind your business, sí? You know nothing of what you speak.” Tovar warns his friend with a glare before he kicks his horse and races forward past you and the other men, not caring of how he’d managed to give himself away to William. You look up from your book just in time to see him swiftly moving past you and you’re worried for a moment, turning around to gauge William’s reaction, only to find him avoiding your gaze and pretending to focus on the trail ahead. 
The company reaches the edge of town long before noon and you listen to William as he lets everyone know of the plan. When everyone is sure of their position and part, you go with William and Tovar to the innkeeper and inquire after men that could offer their aid to you since you are to travel throughout the night by yourself and have heard of stories of bandits around these parts. As you wait around for an hour or so, Tovar can’t help but glance at you nervously, a part of him trying to come up with something to tell you that wasn’t filled with venom. You catch his eyes a few times and he turns away when you smile awkwardly at him, ignoring the way William rolls his eyes and nudges him. 
“I do not think they will come.” Tovar comments to himself and you are about to reassure him when you spot the man in question heading your way along with what you assumed were his new recruits.
“Greetings friends, and what a beautiful afternoon to you, my lady.” The man doesn’t give you a chance to step away from him, leaning down and taking hold of your hand before bringing it to his lips. You force a smile and nod towards him, completely missing the way Tovar was mentally killing the disgusting thief with a thousand daggers. 
“We understand you require assistance traveling through here?” The man speaks, his eyes occasionally turning towards you and shamelessly dragging over your figure. You pretend to not notice his actions and clutch the weapon around your back more tightly. 
“We do indeed. And we are willing to pay handsomely. The only problem is, we must leave now if we are to catch our employer before he leaves for his travels.” William speaks his lies with ease and you silently pray that the other men are as dumb as they look.
“And may I ask why your schedule is hurried?” The thief’s voice is much harsher and he stares between the three of you quizzically. 
“It’s quite embarrassing if I do say so myself but,” you gulp before stepping towards Tovar, intertwining your fingers with him before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. You feel Tovar’s hold tighten around your hand but you say nothing, instead throwing your head on his shoulder and wrapping your other palm around his hand as well. “It is slightly my fault...you see, we- oh god, we were wed three weeks ago and our wedding night lasted for- l-longer than we intended. I should say longer than I intended. And we realized too late how much time we lost so- so this is why we need to leave right immediately.” It takes every ounce of control in William not to laugh at the look on his friend’s face and he maintains a neutral expression when the men in front of him glance towards each other and blush.
Tovar, on the other hand, wishes for God to strike him down this instant because you are not only holding onto his rough hands, but you kissed him without thought. It’s embarrassing how hard he is quickly becoming underneath his clothes but the way your lips touched his scruffy cheeks caused his heart to skip a beat. He tried his hardest to rid you out of his thoughts but here you were, pretending to trip over your words as you lied to the men in front of you about how much time he supposedly spent between your thighs.
“Lucky man,” Tovar hears the man whisper to him as he winks and he’s one moment away from taking out his sword and swinging it. But then you’re raising his hand to your lips and kissing his knuckles and Tovar all but loses it. Against his better judgement, he turns to look at you and gulps when he finds you smiling up at him with a dangerous glint in your eyes, one that is filled with false hope and wishful promises. His nose flares when he sees you staring deeply into his brown orbs and he instantly turns away, not because he is afraid of you seeing how darkened his pupils became at your touch but because he refuses to see rejection on your expression when you finally notice how hideous he is, how disgusting the scar on his eye must appear up close. 
“Well then, in that case, lead the way, sir-?”
“Oh no sir, my name is William.” William cuts him off and turns to the two of you. 
“And I am Y/N, and this here is the love of my life, Pero Tovar.” You cheerfully respond and ignore the way Tovar clings onto your fingers. He forces a quick smile before he walks behind William, all the while trying to pretend he isn’t losing his soul to the touch of your soft skin on his. He quickly glances at you, his jaws tensing tightly when he finds you completely ignoring him and pretending to look elsewhere.
You can feel the anger shedding off of Tovar and you hope he wouldn’t completely bite your head off when you are alone again. But more importantly, you pray to God that he doesn’t feel your pulse because if he could, then he would know. He would know of everything, of your feelings towards him, of your desires, and finally, of how much you wished you had his last name. William looked towards the two of you a few times and decided to keep quiet until after this ordeal was finished. One glance at the way you refused to let go of his friend’s hands and he knew you were as much in love with Tovar as he was with you.
“Idiots.” William whispers to himself just as he reaches the edge of the forest. He motions with his hand as soon as he spots the three horses tied to the trees and you let go of Tovar’s hands to let the men know that you have arrived. Tovar clenches his fist tightly, already missing the touch of your palm against his own and how safe he felt with you at his side. He clears his throat and walks awkwardly towards the horses, pretending to check on the pouches hanging around. 
“Oh lovebirds, you should have stayed on your honeymoon.” Your smile falters as soon as the man and his friends remove their weapons and surround you. Turning around, you catch Tovar's eyes before he’s running towards you, his sword in one hand and his expression holding a thousand emotions. William whistles from behind you and you immediately hear the faint sounds of horses galloping through the woods. Unsheathing your daggers from their holsters, you plant your feet to the ground and dare one of the men to come forward. 
By the time the rest of the company arrives, you’ve already killed two of the men and are finding it difficult by the moment to fight the one in front of you. There were more of them than there were of you, something you hadn’t anticipated when you accepted this bounty. You’re trying your hardest not to get distracted but it has been a while since you’ve seen Tovar fight and as much as you hate to admit it, he looks absolutely breathtaking, with his eyes full of rage and his lips glistening from sweat and from how hard he’s biting them. 
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not w-want. He makes me lie down in green- green...GOD, green pastures. He leads me besides the still waters. He- he...William watch out- he restores my soul, he leads me in the paths of righteousness. For His name’s sake.” You’re reciting your prayers to ground yourself, swearing when you throw one of your daggers towards one of the men about to attack William from behind. You’re still trying to hold off one of the larger thieves from killing you when you spot the main bounty treading towards Tovar with a large dagger of his own. 
“No, Tovar!” You’re not thinking clearly as you manage to slit your attacker’s throat before running towards Tovar in time to catch the sharp edge of the weapon into your shoulder. Falling back onto the ground, you look up at the man and find him smiling disgustingly at you, already bringing out his other sword as he chases after you. You can’t find it in yourself to stand up and look away, silently praying to God in anticipation of what’s to come. 
“Yea, though I walk through the- the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with m-me. Your rod and...and- Your staff, oh God...they comfort me.”
But nothing ever happens and you reluctantly look up in time to see Tovar holding a knife to the man’s throat. 
“Drop the knife amigo, or I will make you taste your own blood.” Tovar snarls out, all the while looking at you with something in his eyes that you're not quite sure of. The man listens to Tovar’s warning but doesn’t drop his smile, looking at the wound on your shoulder before turning to Tovar just as he ties his hands to his back.
“You are not truly married are you?”
“Cállate...hijo de puta madre.” You struggle to get up, frowning when Tovar swears at the man as he swiftly wraps his arms with rope, perhaps harder than needed. 
“This should be fun then.” You ignore the man’s remarks and look around, finding most of the wanted men either dead or tied to some tree. You catch William’s eyes and nod when he asks you if you will be alright.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to accompany you to the sheriff, William. Perhaps it’s best that you leave me here.” You groan in pain and ignore the way Tovar’s eyes are sweeping over your form. 
“It will take me a day’s journey. Tovar, you will stay with her.”
“No, William that’s not necessary. Please, I’ll- I’ll be fine.” You respond immediately, completely missing the deeper frown that takes over the Spaniard’s features. 
“We’ll be in the inn. See you amigo.” Your eyes widen in surprise at the response but you say nothing, instead walking around to collect your weapons in order to place them on your horse. Within minutes, the company is leading away whoever is alive and taking note of the few that were killed. You remain standing against a tree, holding onto your shoulder as you pray softly for relief. 
“You cannot ride to town like this. Come here.” Tovar grabs your wrist and brings you to a large boulder, pushing onto your other shoulder until you’re sitting down before he brings a small pouch from his horse.
“This will hurt a bit querida.” Tovar gently speaks to you, completely throwing you off with the tone of his voice and distracting you enough to pull out the knife. You scream in pain and reach for his thigh, digging your nails into the muscular flesh just as he throws away the dagger and takes out the wineskin.
“I do not need such vile drinks.” You spit out at him in anger, unable to hold back from crying as he murmurs something before he pours the expensive alcohol on your shoulder. You’re turning away from him and sniffing violently, trying to hold back from swearing at how rough he’s being.
“Vindicate me O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, I have also trusted in- in...please, no more, it hurts.” You start praying but can’t continue when you feel Tovar ripping a part of your shirt in order to wrap the clean gauze better around your shoulder.
“Cállate...or better yet, keep praying for your God hermosa. Maybe he’ll reach down and help stop the bleeding. We both know you won’t thank me for this.” Tovar is trying his hardest to ignore the way you’re marking his thighs and he shakes his head when his thoughts become more unholy by the second. He imagines you sinking your nails into his skin under other circumstances but he’s brought back to the moment when you obey him and resume your prayers. 
“I have also trusted in the Lord, I shall not slip. Examine me, O- O Lord...and prove me, try my mind and my heart. Ahhh careful!” You’re crying again and it breaks Tovar’s heart to know that he is the reason behind your pain. He wants nothing more than to ask you why you stepped in front of him and took the dagger into your shoulder but he knows you’ll either lie or ignore his question should he inquire. He’s trying to finish swiftly so you aren’t left in the wood alone, or at least that’s what he says to himself so he doesn’t think of how soft and sweet your skin looks beneath his touch
“Stop your whining and take it. We wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t- hadn’t...mierda. No importa.” He grumbles again and looks up at you momentarily, only to find you staring at him with doe-like, innocent eyes. He swears he sees some form of affection pass through them but the expression is gone as soon as it comes and he forces himself to focus on your shoulder once more. He’d already cleaned it and wrapped the gauze around it, but he wants to make sure that the knot isn’t too tight or too loose. 
“For, for your lovingkindness is before my eyes...do not gather my soul with sinn- nghhh-” You moan in pain when he swipes his fingers over your bruised clavicle and the sound shoots straight to Tovar’s cock, causing him to clench his jaw tightly to prevent himself from acting on his desires. His eyes unintentionally hone in on the rosary around your neck and he gulps when his mind instantly imagines his hand wrapped around your throat and grasping onto the beaded chain as he fucks into you mercilessly until every living thing around knows who’s making you scream with pleasure.
“Lo siento.” He whispers to you as he meets your eyes again, and there’s a multitude of confessions in those two words but you choose to ignore them. You choose to ignore the way he looks at you with those hopeful eyes. You choose to pretend that you aren’t wishing for him to lean over and mold his lips with yours. You choose to ignore...so you wouldn’t have to leave him forever. 
“Redeem me and be merciful to me...be merciful to me. Be...be merciful to me.” Your repetition doesn’t go unnoticed by Tovar and he clears his throat before he stands up and helps you back onto your horse. The two of you ride back into town in silence, with Tovar occasionally slowing down to ensure that you aren’t close to unconsciousness. When you reach the edge of the forest, Tovar hops off of his horse and removes his belongings, taking the leather of his saddle and handing it to you before he speaks.
“I will find some lodging with the innkeeper, sí? And you can look around for someone to keep these two until William returns.” He rubs anxiously at his beard and waits for your response, nodding when you look around before replying to him.
“Yes.”
The Spaniard turns around and he only walks ahead ten feet before you’re calling for him. He turns around at the sound of his name and raises his eyebrows.
“Thank you. For caring for me.” You gulp at the intensity of his gaze and barely manage to hold contact with his brown eyes as he flashes you a quick, shy smile. You hadn’t expected to be at the receiving end of such an expression and you held onto the leather between your fingers tightly to try and ignore how fast your heart began to beat. How had you never noticed those dimples before? 
“De nada hermosa.” Tovar is backing away immediately and trying to ignore how his heart is violently beating at his chest from your words. He never thought the day would come where you would thank him for anything and hold such an amount of affection in your tone. But he quickly remembers the events of the last hour or so and shakes his head in irritation.
Why had you taken the dagger instead of him? 
You continue to watch him until he enters the inn, sighing heavily when it finally occurs to you that you might be having dinner with him alone tonight. Slowly making your way through the town, you thought of who you could possibly ask to care for your horses when you spotted a barnhouse just behind the church. When you reached the open door and looked inside, you shut your eyes in gratitude before getting off the horse and approaching the priest brushing a horse.
“Good afternoon Father,” you smile when the older man turns around and nods towards you.
“Good afternoon.” He says nothing else and you wait until he is finished with the task at hand before asking him if you could tie the two horses in the corner.
“My name is Y/N, and I am a- well, coin for hire...Father. And I was wondering if you would be kind enough and direct me to someone who could care for my friends here until the rest of my company arrives?” You nervously pick at the rosary around your neck when you notice him looking at the bible peeking out of your satchel.
“There’s no need, child. You can leave them here and I shall care for them.”
“Oh Father I couldn’t possibly ask you to-”
“Good thing you are not asking then.” He cuts you off with a smile before leading you out of the small barnhouse. 
“Are you otherwise occupied at the moment?” You ask him just as he moves to enter the church.
“I am not.”
“I- I wish to confess.” The older man notices your nervous stance and nods gently before asking you to follow him into the church. You follow behind him, not realizing that Tovar has already made reservations for the both of you and has come out in search of you. He spots you right before you enter the building, his eyes hardening almost instantly when he sees the priest speaking to you before you are both gone out of his sight. 
He walks towards the church but refuses to enter, instead waiting outside until you are finished. Not a few minutes pass and his patience wears out and he murmurs something beneath his breath as he enters the house of worship. You are nowhere in sight and he can’t help but marvel at the religiosity of the space, his eyes shifting instantly to the large cross hanging above the altar. Clearing his throat, he quietly makes his way to the front of the hall and looks up, taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes as he reluctantly falls to his knees. 
It has been long since Tovar spoke to the Almighty but he forces himself to ask for His guidance, if he can call it that, and hopes that he would one day be able to receive it. The moment ends as soon as it begins, however, when Tovar hears the faint sound of sniffling coming from the confession cubicle followed by the familiar sound of your voice. 
He knows he shouldn’t go near the private room. He knows that he has no business listening in on you confessing your deepest thoughts to the holy man. But he can’t stop his feet from carrying him towards the cubicle.
“I- you must know by now what I am required to do in my line of work Father.” Pero hears your soft voice through the quiet sniffles and he clutches the strap around his shoulder to prevent himself from walking into that room and pulling you into his arms. 
“Yes, but you know as well as I that you must voice your sins to me so God could forgive them.”
“I know. I am not sure where I could begin if I am being honest. I do not claim to have any excuses but I want you to know that I try not to kill anyone, not unless I have to. I have killed three men this morning. They were poor souls that stole and killed and needed to be stopped. It does not excuse what I have done but it is what happened.” 
“Let me ask you this, child. Do you kill out of anger? Out of jealousy? Out of hatred?”
“No, no never. I have never hurt anyone in my anger, at least I hope I haven’t. I killed them because they were going to kill me and my friends. I- it...it couldn’t be avoided.” Tovar wants to laugh at your innocence but he remains silent as he listens to the older man guide you through your troubles. If he had a priest like him back home, maybe he would have never strayed from God. 
“Then you have not sinned in the eyes of God. As long as you know the difference, then you are safe from the powers of satan...what else do you wish to confess?”
“There is...there is this man.” At that, Tovar’s eyes widen and he steps closer to the wooden panel to listen more closely. “And I- I have...I have dreams of him. Wicked dreams, images that do not escape me even when I wake.” Tovar bites into his lower lip when he feels his cock harden beneath his breeches and he fixes his clothes quietly before leaning his ears into the flimsy barrier.
“I dream of him almost every night Father and I pray to God every waking moment so he could take them away from me. But they only increase, so much so that I wake up sweating and heaving throughout the night. I do not wish to have such thoughts of him because-” You halt in your words and Tovar hates that even in your confession, you are choosing your words carefully.
“I do not want these dreams and I do not wish to think of him in the ways that I do. But I- I cannot help it Father. I don’t know what more I could do.”
“St. Paul writes in his first letter to the Thessalonians, ‘For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.’ My child, sexual immorality does not only cover the physical actions of the body but the emotional and mental thoughts as well. It is better for you to come forward to this man than to remain in this sin.” Tovar almost growls at the response, hating how the priest validates your beliefs further. 
“That is not possible Father...as much as I wish it, I cannot.” 
They both remain quiet for a few moments and Tovar almost loses his mind when the silence extends. He shuts his eyes and clenches his fists tightly before running out of the church to the barnhouse, multiple curses falling through his lips when he realizes that he will never have a chance with you, especially now that he was certain you were thinking of another man. Unable to hold back any further, Tovar throws his things to the ground before moving to the back of the barnhouse. He stands behind a large tree and makes quick work of his breeches, hissing in anger when he finds himself painfully hard and already leaking precum. Throwing his head back, he spits onto his hand before taking his cock roughly in his palm. Pero moans when he squeezes the crown of his hard dick, his mind finding it much easier to conjure up images of you writhing beneath him in bed now that he knew of your dreams. 
He wishes you had been more detailed, no matter how wrong and inappropriate that would have been. He pictures you sweating and heaving on your hands and knees as he drives his cock deeper into you with every thrust. Tovar’s groans grow louder as he increases his pace and he shivers in need when he imagines you begging for him to take you, to touch you and kiss your tits and perhaps fill you with his seed. The thought of you letting him rule over your body brings him closer to his pleasure and he cries out pathetically as he cums onto the ground, your name like a sweet benediction on his lips as he continues to rub his cock. Pero finally opens his eyes and looks to the blue sky, hissing in regret and feeling a sense of disgust settle into his stomach. He quickly fixes himself and silently asks for your forgiveness, for violating you in his mind and for listening to your confessions. Breathing in the clean scent of the grass, he moves back to the barnhouse and washes his hand quickly before taking his satchel and walking to the shop in front of the church to wait for your return. 
Unbeknownst to Pero, the priest in fact chooses to ask you a more personal question than necessary, inquiring after your strange answer as to why it was not possible to approach this man you speak of.
“He does not love me as I love him. He- he cannot stand the sight of me. I am not sure what I had done to deserve such hatred from him but- it is what it is, Father.”
“You love him.” It was more of a statement than a question and the priest can’t help but shake his head in sadness as he continues to listen to you.
“I do. I love him dearly.” You wipe the tears as they fall down your cheeks, looking towards the light coming through the small window before returning your gaze to the ground again. 
“Hmm...Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” 
“Father?” You look towards the barrier between you and the priest quizzically, hoping he would explain his response further.
“I will give you an absolution Y/N, but- I cannot help but think that you may have been asking God for the wrong thing. You ask Him to take away these dreams yet you never pray that this man returns your love or, at the very least, become less hostile towards you?” There is almost a humorous tone to the older man’s words and you raise an eyebrow in curiosity because he was right. Granted, it is the last comment you expect from a man of God but it wouldn’t hurt to listen to him.
“N-no.”
“You are correct in wanting to rid yourself of these thoughts, for they are most unholy and they will only lead you to eternal hellfire. But you might find it in your best interest if you pray that God opens the eyes of this man. Ask to know the truth of his feelings and why he chooses to be the way he is. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” You wait for a few moments before you ask him to give you the absolution. When you walk out of the church a few minutes later, you find it much easier to breathe and you can’t help but think about the priest’s suggestion. Maybe you have been going about this all wrong?
You spot Tovar in the shop in front of the church, but not wanting to bother him, you turn around and move to the barnhouse to brush your horse. Leaning against your horse, you kiss its neck and comb through its hair as you try to push the pain in your shoulder aside. Ignoring the sting of your muscles, you pick up the brush and proceed to massage your horse all the while replaying the priest’s suggestions through your mind. 
When Pero looks up and sees the priest standing at the front of the church and speaking to a young girl, he lets go of the cloth in his hand and moves out of the shop, scanning the street for you. When he doesn’t find you anywhere, he slowly approaches the priest and waits until the young girl leaves before he clears his throat.
“Padre.”
“Yes?”
“There was a woman who entered the church a while ago. She is dressed like me. Have you seen where she went?” Pero is uncomfortable but he tries his hardest to not turn away from the priest’s piercing gaze. He is unsure how you managed to speak to him but he quickly remembers of the barrier between the two of you. But he frowns when the priest doesn’t respond and instead stares at him for a while.
“She is in the barnhouse.” The older man narrows his eyes at Tovar before he turns around and walks back into the church. Tovar is confused and a tad bit annoyed but he thinks nothing of the weird interaction. He scratches his beard as he approaches you, about to let you know that your room would probably be prepared when he finds you whispering to the large animal. He stands at the foot of the door and leans back, finding it calming to watch you interact with the horse.
“He shall send from heaven and save me, he reporaches the one who would swallow me up. God shall send forth His mercy and His truth. My soul is among lions, I lie among the sons of men…” Tovar sighs in irritation when his mind chooses to misunderstand your words yet again and he shakes his head as he swears at himself. 
“My soul is bowed down. They have dug a pit before me, into the midst of it they themselves have fallen. My heart is steadfast, Oh God, my heart is steadfast...ahh, ah- gah…” Pero snaps out of his haze when he hears your cries right as you drop the brush from your hand and fall to the ground. He is beside you in an instant, turning you around and resting you against the wall. 
“Pero…” His expression eases almost instantly when he hears his name on your lips. You’ve rarely used it and he finds himself wishing he could ask you to repeat it over and over again.
“Let me look at the wound-” He asks as he tries to loosen the knot to check on the wound but he senses a shift in your demeanor as soon as his fingers trail over your skin. You gasp at the touch of his hand and move away from him, unable to control the stabbing sensation in your stomach when you feel heat radiating off of his body. Tovar misunderstands your reaction and he looks away shamefully before he steps back. 
“How can I help?” He tries to remain neutral but he is hurt that you think he would ever touch you inappropriately without your consent. 
“I- I umm, the- the lodging.” Your throat suddenly feels dry and you look up in time to see Tovar’s eyes taking in your heaving chest. Struggling to stand up, you grab your belongings and tighten your hold around the small Bible in your satchel, unsure of what to say as the man in front of you continues to stare at you.
“Sí,” Pero responds quietly before he moves out of the barnhouse, ignoring the sounds of harsh breaths emitting from behind him as he makes his way to the inn. You try to catch up with him but eventually fall behind, and you can’t find it in yourself to ask him to slow down so you opt to keep your eyes on him as he moves through the crowded market. When it becomes too difficult to walk, you move towards a stand and rest on it, finally realizing that the dagger must have been laced with a poison. You’re not sure how long you stay leaning against the wall until a pair of hands shake you to consciousness.
“Hermosa, can you hear me?” You open your eyes and find Tovars’ handsome features laced with worry. It occurs to you that the poison might have a hallucinogen because there was no way on earth that this man would ever feel such worry towards you. 
“T-tovar...I- I’m not feeling too good.” You whisper right as your eyes flutter closed but you’re instantly awake once more when you feel Tovar lean down and take you up in his arms. You’re struggling to breathe but force yourself to look at the Spaniard as he rushes through the street. 
“Stay with me querida, por favor.” His voice is frantic yet caring and you don’t take notice of what you’re doing until you feel his eyes on you again as he comes to a halt. 
“Why- why do you hate me?” Pero can’t breathe for a second, not when your hand is skimming over his cheek while the other one rests above his heart, the same one that breaks when your question finally hits his ears. “I- I wish you didn’t...so I could show you how much I- oh, n-no...so we would-” You don’t get to finish your sentence though and Pero watches as you clasp onto your shoulder when it begins to bleed again.
“Mierda,” he hisses as he resumes running towards the inn, not bothering to provide an explanation to the innkeeper as he rushes up the stairs and into the room reserved for you. The man comes behind him and quickly asks him how he could be of service when he sees Tovar undoing the gauze and swearing when the wound appears more inflamed than before. 
“Do you have a healer in this town?”
“Right away sir.” Pero wets a towel before bringing it to your forehead just as the innkeeper fetches a young boy to call for someone. You’re writhing violently and Tovar blames himself for not being careful earlier in the day. It feels like hours have passed by when a knock sounds through the door and in comes the priest.
Anger rises in Tovar’s chest as he walks up to the priest, prepared to draw his sword and kick him out. 
“I did not ask for you, I need a-”
“I am a healer son, of all ailments. Please let me pass or your friend will not have much time.” The priest speaks with patience and he waits until Pero moves to the side before he brings out his tonics and ointments. 
“What caused this?” The priest asks as he removes the gauze completely and attempts to clean around the wound before he decides which ointment was best. 
“A dagger, we were...after some men and I- I was not...she took it instead of me Padre.” The priest grows silent at the odd remark. He is about to ask if the weapon was laced with anything when he notices a strange green substance forming on the edges of the wound. He instantly recognizes the poison and shakes his head. 
“S-save me oh God, for- for the waters have come...come up to my neck. I s-sink in deep mire where- where...where there is no standing. I have come into d-deep, oh god...deep waters. Where the floods overflow me.” You whisper through a haze, vaguely aware of a gentle hand treating the wound on your shoulder before it ceases to move. 
“May god have mercy on your soul…” Pero almost loses all control when he hears the priest’s prayer. 
“Will she die?” He steps forward and asks just as the older man begins to apply a heavy tonic onto the wound. You’re hissing and groaning for a few moments before your frown relaxes just as the priest applies new gauze to the wound. 
He waits until you’ve calmed down before he collects his things and asks Tovar to meet him outside. When they both leave and lock the door behind them, the Priest looks away from the angry Spaniard.
“Padre, please, tell me. Will she die?”
The priest is about to answer when he hears you crying through the door.
“My eyes fail while I- I...please, God...while I wait for my God. Oh God...my sins are not hidden from You, oh Lord...my prayer is to You. Oh God- please...T-tovar- I need...please...deliver me out of the mire and let me- not...not sink. Hear me Oh Lord…”
Pero tries to ignore your cries but he feels his heart give out with each whimper that escapes your lips. And then you call his name and ask for him and he all but loses it, hands shooting to the knob to turn it. He stops, however, when he feels the Priest pull him back.
“It is not wise to go in there my son.”
“Let go of me.” Tovar snaps at the older man, rolling his eyes when he feels the hold around his shoulder tighten.
“There will be many consequences to your actions if you go in there...the dagger that she was stabbed with...it, well, it held a dangerous...aphrodisiac.” Pero’s eyes widen in surprise and shock when he registers the words of the priest and he steps back from the door while looking to the floor.
“If you can go in there and care for her without touching her, then by all means,” Tovar gulps when the priest motions for him to walk right through the room, eyebrows furrowing in frustration when he listens into your pained noises, “but I must warn you to not lust after her beauty in your heart...not let her allure you with her eyelids.”
“Take your proverbs elsewhere Padre, they will not find seed in this heart. How dare you think me of such actions when she’s not aware?” Tovar angrily points at his chest as he continues to pace back and forth, trying to calm himself down as he continues to hear you moaning through the door. 
“Draw near to my soul and redeem it...deliver me because- because...oh Pero. Pero, please. I need you, please. I want you...I crave your touch...your- your lips. I need to feel your skin against mine. Please...pl- oh God, please.” 
“If not for your sake then for hers. You shall not commit adultery. She is a child of God.”
“Was it not her God that allowed for this?” Pero yells at the priest as he moves across the hallway and kicks the wall. He waits for the priest to respond and huffs sarcastically when he doesn’t and remains silent. 
“Answer my question Padre, will she die if- if she remains untouched?” 
“I am not certain...but you must think of your soul as well, no? Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The priest approaches Tovar reluctantly, immediately stepping back when he sees his shoulders tense at his words. 
“Padre, for your sake, I need you to reserve your gospel for someone else. I do not care for my salvation, and if you must know, I have committed adultery a thousand times with her in my heart. I have no need for your absolution nor do I seek God’s forgiveness.” He isn’t sure what brings him to such a confession but he watches the man of God nod silently as he moves away with disappointment written on his features. 
“Then there is nothing more for me to tell you except this...if you do not walk in there and- aid her, she might not make it through the night. But, if you do, then you will have to live with the consequences of your actions. I cannot give you, nor her, my blessings for such immoral activities. May God have mercy on your souls and guide your heart.” Tovar turns away when the priest walks past him and down the stairs. He grasps his sword tightly to try and ground himself, but then the faint groans ringing through the small room bring him back to reality. 
He’s ashamed of how many times he’s thought of this moment. But not once did he think he’d ever refuse to lay with you. Yet here he was, forced to make a decision that would ultimately hurt both of you. If he doesn’t help you, he might lose you forever and he would never forgive himself as long as he lives. But if he does help you, he’d risk losing your trust and your company, and would perhaps never see you again. He’d have to live with the knowledge that you hate him. But you would be alive and well...
There was no doubt in his mind what he needed to do. 
Tovar looked down at his hands and blinked in regret. The last thing he wished to do was to willingly hurt you. But he couldn’t let you die, especially when it was him that the dagger was meant for.
Taking a deep breath, he musters up enough courage to turn around and unlock the door, not bothering to look at you as he enters the room and shuts the wooden barrier behind him. Taking his weapons off of his person, Tovar clears his throat and slowly turns to look at you, his eyes taking in your desperate form as you fisted your hands into the sheets and stared at him with heavy-lidded eyes. 
“P-Pero...god, I- you’re here. Please, I n-need you. You- you’re too far, please, need you, want you...want to feel you. Your- oh Christ, your skin, your l-lips...your tongue- your hands...need you, inside me...please.” Pero almost chokes on his saliva when your desperate words hit him and he remains grounded in his spot as he licks his lips. His cock twitches in his breeches when he notices your disheveled clothing, and he realizes that you must have tried to take it all off but couldn’t tug hard enough. He looks at your exposed neck and clenches his jaw when he sees the rosary nestled perfectly between your sweaty breasts.
Fuck. He knew he didn’t have a chance in heaven but looking at you now, with your body calling for him, he realized there was no chance in hell for him either. Not with what he was thinking of doing to you.
Slowly approaching you, he stood above your shivering form and gently brushed your hair aside, hissing in anger when he found you hot to the touch. There was so much he wanted to say and he figured this was his chance considering how you would probably not recall this night when you wake up the following day.
“Hermosa, I- perdóname. Forgive me for everything I have done to you...and for everything I will do to you tonight.” Tovar’s heart clenches when you take his hand and bring it to your mouth, kissing and nipping and the skin of his palm and wrist until you couldn’t take it anymore. It breaks him knowing that those gentle touches are born out of a hazed necessity and not because you wanted to kiss him. 
“Please...be merciful to me.” Your words echo from earlier through the tense silence and Tovar hates how he longs to hear you pray for him instead. Stepping away from you, he holds his hands up and shushes you as you start to whine again, whispering sweet words down to your aching soul as he strips himself of his garments. You find it difficult to wet your throat and attempt to take off your clothes as well, almost breaking into tears when you continue to struggle with the long-sleeve shirt and your trousers. 
“Here, let me.” You feel your skin crawl with ants when Tovar begins to undo the laces and buttons of your garments, and you find it hard to look away when all you are met with is gentleness and determination. At some point, you swear his hands are shaking and your hazed mind mistakes it for rejection but there isn’t enough consciousness left for you to apologize to him so instead, you grasp on his forearms and dig your nails into his muscles as he rids you of the dampened fabrics hugging your shaking body.
Tovar tries his hardest to not pounce on you as soon as more of your skin is revealed to him and he silently prays for patience when your touches turn rough. He throws everything onto the chair near the bed and returns to you, inhaling deeply when he sees how soaked your chest band and undergarments have become. He’s standing in nothing but his own breeches and he can’t help it when he fixes himself through the fabric, smiling to himself when you whine at the not-so-subtle movement and mirror his actions. He growls when he sees you cup your mound and rub harshly to try and relieve some of the pain. 
“No.” The single command shoots straight to your aching cunt and you instantly remove your hand from your heated skin, looking up at him and silently begging him to take you right then and there. “No, you do not touch yourself when I am here. Your pleasure belongs to me. Your noises...they belong to me, your arousal...every last drop of it, belongs to me. Sí?” You nod frantically and sigh in relief when he moves onto the bed, a little annoyed that he is yet to take off all of his garments. He gently parts your thighs and kneels between them, smiling to himself when he sees your flesh responding so easily to his touch. A part of him feels horrible for what he is thinking but he can’t help but fill his chest with pride at the thought of knowing that no one else has touched you like this, let alone seen you so wrecked and positively...sinful.
“Magnífico,” your hold on the sheets beneath you tighten as more words of his mother tongue roll off of his lips and you bite down on your hand when he pushes your legs up towards you to open you up for him a little more. It’s absolutely filthy what Tovar is doing and he is aware that he should be more gentle with you, perhaps move slowly since you have never had such contact with a man before, but he can’t bring himself to hold back, not when you were looking at him with those pleading, innocent eyes. 
He leans down and shuts his eyes as he pushes his nose into your undergarment, moaning lewdly when he fills his nostrils with the scent of you. 
“Dios mío...your smell querida, it’s as sweet as honey.” Tovar mumbles against your heat, smiling devilishly when he notices your eyes widen with embarrassment at his comment. In the blink of an eye, he’s fingering the edge of the flimsy material and violently pulling it off of you, throwing it behind him haphazardly before he sinks in between your thighs again. He doesn’t give you enough time to prepare for him as he hungrily licks at your wet pussy. You briefly think you should feel ashamed for what he’s doing to you, or perhaps beg him to not be so forward and filthy with his sounds. But the thoughts roll away when he growls against your slit and your back arches painfully off of the bed when you feel his tongue licking into your heat. You aren’t sure how to convey to him the immense pleasure he is bringing to you so you settle for grabbing his hair and screaming his name over and over again. The sting his scruff is offering you soothes the pain in your muscles and you silently pray for him to become a little more aggressive with his touches. 
Tovar becomes a crazed man when he hears the way his name falls from your tongue like a prayer and he grabs your hips harshly before bringing you closer to his mouth. He continues to look at you as he tongue-fucks your cunt, unable to comprehend how this moment was real. He closes his eyes again to savor the taste of your juices flowing so easily into his mouth and moves one hand to your backside, squeezing and slapping your ass as he zeroes in on that bundle of nerves. Your hold on his hair tightens but Tovar enjoys being at the receiving end of those rough touches. He continues to lap at your cunt, occasionally switching to sucking on your little nub until you let go of his hair and grab at the sheets. 
Pero feels you coming on his tongue but he can’t find it in himself to stop, wanting to commit every single moment to memory. He momentarily moves away to nip at your thighs and just as you’re beginning to come down from your high, he shoves two fingers past your slit and returns to mouth at your clit. 
You try to sit up on the bed but one hand across your navel pushes you back down again. You aren’t sure if you want him to stop or keep going but you feel that familiar tug at your lower stomach again and before you know it, you’re hitting that delicious peak once more. You aren’t aware of what happens when you fall back down again though. All you can feel is your body shaking and your chest heaving as Pero refuses to let you close your legs. 
At some point, he finally shows you mercy and removes himself from you, and it takes you a few moments to open your eyes and will yourself to look at him. Your lips part in shock when you see Tovar licking his arms like a starved man, not realizing what has happened until you look down and see the soaked sheets beneath you. You’re mortified and attempt to close your legs but Tovar stops your movements with a dangerous smirk, raising an eyebrow as he looks down and sees his chest also soaked with your juices. You turn away from him and try to hide behind your arm but he’s falling on top of you and removing your hand before he turns your chin so you could finally meet his gaze. 
“My delicious little princesa...don’t shy away from me cariño. I want you, all of you...whatever you wish to give me.” A small part of you is aware that he is only speaking those words to put you at ease and help you through your predicament, but a more desperate corner of your mind tells you that he meant every word he said and that you should trust him. You’re aware of how dangerous this could be but you can’t find it in yourself to care as you lean up and kiss his chapped, plump lips. Tovar is taken aback from your forwardness but he meets your motions with as much vigor, lapping and sucking on your tongue until he feels your hips meet his shallow thrusts. You moan lewdly when his clothed cock pushes against your heated core and Tovar takes this chance to shove his tongue into your mouth, not caring for how messy and how unskilled you were. He would teach you tonight, even if it was the only night he would spend with you. 
When your fingers tangle in his hair and pull it on, Tovar growls and pushes up away from you. You have a few seconds to prepare for the onslaught of his hands as he attempts to rip the chest band off of your body. He is silent when you are finally naked to his eyes and you feel self-conscious from how quiet he’s grown. You move to cover yourself but Tovar is taking hold of your wrists and slamming them above your head, eyes boring into your hazed ones before he descends on your breasts. You throw your head back when you feel his tongue swirling roughly around your nipple, arching your back further into him when he pinches and twists the other one between his calloused fingers. You’re torn between begging him to slow down and screaming for him to take whatever he wants. It seems that Tovar knows what you crave though because he nips at the hardened peaks until you’re writhing beneath him. He looks away for only a second to take in how absolutely wrecked you look before he takes the other nipple in between his lips and sucks on it, groping the other and not caring for how wet and messy he’s left you. 
His treatment of your body only makes you more needy for him and as you’re about to beg him to give you his cock, Tovar pulls off of you before swallowing your moans again, keeping both of his hands on your tits and playing with them as you gave yourself over completely to him. It creeps up on you without warning and you’re screaming his name as you feel your cunt clench around nothing. Tovar pulls off of you and watches as your body shakes with pleasure at his ministrations, smirking when he sees the rosary sliding against your heaving chest. It’s almost taunting how it looks back at him but he pays it no mind. He swears in his mother tongue when he looks down and sees your cunt contracting violently and gushing more arousal. You’re finding it difficult to breathe as his fingers trail down to your thighs and push them further so he could take a better look at you.
“Did...did you just-” Tovar isn’t able to finish his question because the look you’re giving him is anything but innocent, and your little nod is the perfect boost for his ego because he’d just managed to make you cum from only touching your tits. He’s distracted when he sees your hands inching towards the tent in his clothes and he doesn’t stop you when he feels the warmth of your palm seeping through and engulfing his cock. You’re tugging and squeezing with curiosity in your eyes and Tovar loses his patience, slapping your hands away as he just manages to take the last article off. He’s kneeling in between your legs and smiles to himself when he sees your widened expression at the size of him. 
“Don’t worry princesa, I’ll go slow...for now.” Goosebumps erupt on your skin at the implications behind his words and you’re snapped back to reality when you notice that Tovar stretched his hand and kept it against your lips. 
“Escupe,” you have no clue what he just said but when he opens your lips and shoves his fingers into your mouth, you get an idea of what he wants. Reluctantly, you spit in the palm of his hand and grip the sheets tightly when he keeps his gaze on you and spits on the same palm as well right before spreading the mixed juices across your slit. You’re turned on by his forwardness and brace yourself for what’s to come, already feeling your stomach burn with need when he takes longer and touches himself. You watch as he coats his cock with your juices, mind slowly falling into a haze when you see how he tugs and rubs the aching tip of his dick. 
“Are you ready for me mi amor?” He’s massaging your inner thighs, eyes keeping you captivated as you nod and inhale deeply in preparation for him. Tovar sighs as he takes your hand in his before he slowly inches his cock into your cunt. The two of you are hissing and Tovar thinks he’s died and gone to heaven with how tight you feel around him. He nudges further into you and continues to whisper in Spanish when he feels your muscles tense.
“Relax for me querida, please. I could make you feel so good. Relájate. Don’t want to hurt you mi cielo.” He leans down and gently rubs at your neck, licking and kissing down your shoulder until he feels you ease around him. Moments later, he can feel you twisting beneath him and he realizes that you’re telling him you’re ready. Without a warning, Pero snaps his hips and sheathes himself fully inside you, his cock twitching at the whines and whimpers you were whispering in his ears when he broke your barrier. He’s trying his hardest to remain still so he doesn’t hurt you but then you’re wrapping your arms around his neck and molding your lips with his. It should not have been like this, he thinks. But he let’s his selfishness take over because if this were to be the only time you’d ever let a man touch you, then he was glad it was him and not someone else. Someone whom he knew would never feel this deeply towards you. 
“Please...move, I need- I want...it hurts. I want you to move Pero...oh god, Pero..Pero, you’re so...so hard for me. Feel so full, oh Christ, feels so good.” There’s something about hearing you moan his name along with the name of your God that makes him feral and he sits back up again, taking hold of your hips and ensuring that your eyes are on him before he pulls out and thrusts his cock back in. You dig your nails into the bed when you feel every ridge and vein passing against your walls, biting into your lower lip to stifle your moans. 
“Fuck...eres perfecto.” Tovar wanted to savor every moment, to commit this to memory so he would revisit this night time and again until his life on earth was finished. But he couldn’t hold back, couldn’t go slow even if he tried, not with how tight you were clenching around him and how wet you became the harder he filled you with his cock. You were a sight to behold, face scrunching up in pain and pleasure, some drool rolling from the corner of your lips as you sighed and begged him to take whatever he wanted from your body. 
“Better than any fucking dream hermosa...mierda, I- I could spend an eternity between your thighs and never wish to leave. You’re, fuck fuck ah f-fuck...you’re so much better than what I imagined. So sweet, so warm...and so- goddamn- tight.” He pronounced every word with a harsh thrust of his hips and you cried out as he took his pleasure and coaxed another orgasm out of your pussy. You grabbed his forearms when you felt your stomach flutter, and threw your head back when Tovar noticed you coming undone once more. He picked up his pace, switching his attention from your facial expressions to where you were joined. Letting go of one hip, he spat on his thumb before laying it on your clit and rubbing furiously to prolong your peak. You barely managed to open your eyes, turning to look at him as he continued his assault on your skin. Your chest tightened at the thought of never being with him again but you forced yourself to not think of the following day. There was tonight, and you would take everything and give him all that he wanted. After all, there was no truth behind his words, just the heat of the moment. Or perhaps it was him speaking of his triumph over you, someone he’s loathed for wasting her time on what he called a ‘false God.’ 
“P-pero...yes, oh- Pero, Pero...fuck, please.” 
Pero held your gaze as he let go of your waist and fell on top of you, one hand quickly wrapping around your throat as he pushed agonizingly slowly into you. There was something different in his eyes and you weren’t sure if it was affection or despise but you looked away from him instantly, afraid he’d see how you feel about him. Tovar misunderstood your fear for disgust and he snarled in anger as he tightened his hold around your throat until you turned to him again. He met your lips with an aggressive kiss and continued to push his cock deeper into you until he felt your nails digging into his back. He swore when they trailed down his muscles to his backside, forcing him to thrust a little quickly. 
“Who knew princesa...that you were nothing but a filthy fucking whore. Begging to be fucked...to be filled over and over again. Shit, this cunt, so tight and wet for me...you’ve no idea how much I craved this...craved you, to touch you, kiss you, mark you as my own...my whore, my innocent whore.” His words should have hurt, but you found yourself growing wetter just from hearing him call you his. But it was the twisting of the knife to hear him confess of how he craved you. You knew as well as he that this was far from the truth. But you found yourself ignoring the heartache just to enjoy him and the sensation of his skin sliding against yours in the throws of passion. 
“You’re getting close again cariño...fuck, I could- ahh ahh, could feel you swallowing my cock sweetheart. Come on, cum for me. Cum for me one more time, let me feel you coming on my cock like the good little girl you are. Please, mi amor…” It was almost as if your body had a mind of its own because at his words, the familiar knot in your navel untwisted and you arched into him as you came with a silent cry, hand grasping to the one holding your throat and pushing down on it to make him grip you tighter. 
Tovar shuts his eyes and nuzzles into the crook of your neck, refusing to reveal any more of himself to you. You’ve rejected him several times and he couldn’t bear the thought of thinking him more of a monster as he reached his pleasure. 
“Oh god, oh fuck, I- mi amor. Te amo más de lo que nunca sabrás. Ah, god f-ffu…” Against your better judgement, you let go of his hand and push them into his hair, forcing him to look at you right before you met his lips. He’s growling and almost sobbing with want as he fills you with his seed, never once halting in his movements as he pushes his cock deeper inside you. You lose yourself into the kiss, unable to put together a coherent thought as you feel warmth spread where you are joined. This kiss is more desperate, and you’re not sure if it’s because of Tovar or because of you. 
His chest tightens painfully when he looks at you and sees tears in your eyes. He’s not sure if you’re crying because of him and he’s about to ask when you push him off of you and onto his back. Maybe you’ve finally come to your senses and wanted him t-
Tovar chokes on air when you slither between his legs and take his cock between the warmth of your hands, not giving him a chance to say anything as you lean down and take him in your mouth. “Hermosa, you- oh fuck, you don’t have t- oh gah.” He’s twisting your hair in his hand when you try to take him as far back in your mouth as you could. It’s messy and filthy and you’re inexperienced but he finds your attempts to pleasure him the most beautiful sight in the world. He can see cum and saliva rolling down the corners of your mouth and he grows harder at the thought of you tasting yourself and him on your tongue. 
He swears you might be the devil incarnate when you take him out of your mouth and kiss the underside of his cock. It’s such an innocent gesture but his cock twitches, and then you’re licking across the protruding veins and he all but loses it. 
“Shit, you l-look so beautiful mi amor, mouth full of my cock. Can you taste yourself? Go on, tell him how we taste...please, tell me.” You continue to mouth and nip at him, occasionally massaging the base of his cock and biting into his thighs when his hold tightens around your hair. 
Tovar feels his cock harden the more you give it attention and he begrudgingly pulls you off so you could answer him. 
“Tell me mi amor.” 
You’re not sure why you choose those words and you hope he understands the implications behind him without you needing to bare your soul to him any further
“As tempting as death…” 
The words are an arrow piercing his heart and he shuts his eyes for a few moments to collect his bearings before he’s roughly pulling you off of him and bringing you to his lips.
“Ven aquí y bésame! I want to taste us.” He shoves his tongue into your mouth and hums in approval when he can vaguely taste his seed and your arousal mixing with your scent. He’s not sure what brings him to do this but Tovar pulls back far enough and he maintains eye contact as he spits into your mouth, biting into his lower lip as he watches you make a show of swallowing his spit. You part your lips and breathe in his natural musk before you lean over and kiss his jaw. Momentarily distracted by your sudden need to show him affection, Tovar doesn’t notice you moving up his chest until your lips are trailing up the scar across his eye. He shakes in need when you kiss it over and over again, whispering quick apologies and wishing you could have been there to prevent him from being hurt. 
Tovar is no longer able to discern what it is you’re feeling. One minute you’re hiding yourself and turning away from him, and the next, you’re worshiping his cock and his scars as if he was yours. He decides to blame it on the poison and the wound-
The wound.
Pero pushes on your neck harder than he intends and he apologizes when he’s met with a shocked, hurt expression.
“Lo siento mi amor…” He whispers kindly to you as his eyes take in the wound on your shoulder, sighing in relief when he sees that the Priest covered it well. Little amount of blood managed to seep through the coverings but it wasn’t enough to alarm him. “I needed to ensure you aren’t hurt, forgive me hermosa.” Tovar explains again and watches as you visibly relax against him. 
“Come here,” you obey him as he pulls you into his arms and lays behind you, telling you to rest before the poison takes hold of you once more. You feel rejected, wishing you could tell him that the fire in your stomach and your lungs is returning already. But he’s done so much for you throughout the night and he deserved more than this. More than you. It wasn’t his duty to aid you through such a circumstance and yet he took it upon himself to do so.
Tovar wraps his arms around you and hopes you don’t pay any mind to his already hardening cock. He wants to slide into your cunt again and fill you up, but he doesn’t want to take more advantage of you. Not when you were hurt and vulnerable.
You try to get some shuteye, and you do for a little while, but you’re no longer able to quiet down when you begin to feel your skin crawling with ants. You’re sweating again, and your breaths are coming in quickly when you finally wake up and feel the pins and needle pain jabbing in your lower stomach. It’s your little whine that breaks Tovar’s daydreaming and he’s turning you around to take a better look at you.
“What’s the matter mi amor? Did I- did I hurt you?” You’re shaking your head violently at him as you’re turning in his arms and before he could try to figure out what it is you want, you’re getting on your hands and knees, ass in the air and face turned to him with an expression that he’s never seen before. 
He gulps at the sight before him and looks at you, rubbing at the scruff of his beard before his eyes widen in shock when he sees your hand reaching down and swiping across the mess seeping out of your cunt.
“I need you Pero, need you to- fuck me. Please, fuck me. Mark me and fill me up with your seed. Want you to use me for your pleasure, use me however you want. I- I can take it. Just- need your cock.” The sound of your pleas is music to his ears and Tovar is moving to kneel behind you in the blink of an eye. He kisses your lower back as his hand pushes down between your shoulder blades until your face is flush against the dampened sheets. You shiver when he trails his fingers up and down your back, smiling when he nips and kisses your round ass cheeks. Tovar bites into the skin of your backside and lightly spanks you when you try to jump away from him.
“My pretty girl wants me to fuck her again. You’re so wet for me hermosa, so ready and needy. Tell me, tell me how much you crave my cock.” He takes hold of his dick and swipes it between your slit, chuckling to himself when he sees the way you’re looking at him.
“Pero, don’t- please don’t tease. I burn for you, ‘ve dreamt of- oh I, I need your cock inside me. I really need you to fuck me, to- to-” You’re tripping over your words and Tovar knows he shouldn’t blame you for your lack of coherence but he’s living for how crazed you are. He pushes his cock into your fluttering walls and doesn’t miss how awfully tighter you feel around him this time around. You’re shaking with lust but only scream his name when you feel the palm of his hand landing on your ass one time after another as he fucks you without remorse. You lose count of how many times he spanks your ass and you don’t care because as soon as he stops and slips his other hand down to your clit, you’re seeing stars and groaning as pleasure courses through your veins. 
Tovar hisses at how tightly your cunt clenches around him and he’s suddenly in need of feeling your skin against his. Shoving his hand into your hair, he violently pulls on it until your back is flush to his chest. 
“That’s it querida, scream for me. Scream my name mi amor, so- fuck ah ah shit, so everyone knows who fucks you like the filthy whore you are. Go on cariño, sing for me. Feel me, pray for me. Dios mío, I’m- I won’t last mi cielo. You’re too good, too sweet, my heaven. Everything my heart desires...yearns for, lives for. Oh fuck, oh god- go on mi amor, cum for me. One more time, please. Need to feel you squeeze my cock one last time...just once, please. Fuck ah fuck I-” Tovar bites down on your shoulder as he thrusts into you, his rhythm forgotten as he fills your womb with his seed. You’re a quivering mess in his arms, relishing the harsh touch of his scruff on your heated skin. He moans your name when he feels you contracting around him, one arm wrapped around your chest and cupping your tits while the other is twirling around the rosary on your neck. 
You lose all sense of reality and time as Tovar slowly pushes you to your side, his cock somehow still hard in your cunt. You’re both heaving when Tovar takes the rosary from around your neck and holds it in the palm of his hand. 
You’re dozing off again but a harsh pinch to your nipples brings you back and you’re turning around just in time to see Tovar licking the beads that go around your neck before he drags the rosary down your skin. You’re not sure what he’s playing at until you feel the individual beads twirling in the mess of your combined juices. He’s rubbing your slit with the necklace and collecting your mixed arousal and your eyes widen in horror at the filthiness of the action. Tovar’s hand moves from your breast to your neck, aggressively turning your head around so you’re looking into his eyes as he brings the rosary back to your mouth.
“Open your mouth querida...and taste us.” You silently obey him and let him push the holy object into your mouth. You’re unable to hide how thoroughly you’re enjoying this and Tovar leans forward to lick in your mouth, smiling devilishly when you try to chase his lips as he tries to pull away.
“Sleep mi amor, you need to rest.” Tovar takes the rosary from your lips and throws it around his own neck. You turn in his arms and nuzzle into his chest, silently praying that he doesn’t regret this the following day. 
“Please be here when I wake up.” You murmur in your sleep and Tovar’s heart breaks into a million shards when he realizes that things will be different once the two of you awake the following morning. 
He’s not sure how much time passes but he spends every second looking at you, memorizing your calm expression and how at ease your muscles feel under his touch. He doesn’t want to go to sleep, not when he knows this would be the last time he’d be able to be near you in such a manner. When he tries to move to get a drink of water, your arms wrap tightly around his chest and bring him closer to you. He’s smiling to himself and brushing your hair aside to kiss you, laying his head back in irritation when he notices that the darkened skies are turning a lighter shade of pinks and blues. 
Tovar shuts his eyes and doesn’t bother to wipe the tears away when he remembers the events of the night. He’s torn himself into bits to ensure your safety and although he was of sound mind when he walked into this room, he never thought it would hurt this much to leave you. 
When the chirping of the birds rings through the morning light, Tovar takes a deep breath and turns to you, kissing you one last time on your forehead before he loosens your hold on him. You frown for a moment in your slumber but remain unmoving as he dresses and leaves the room. He’s holding fast to the rosary around his neck as he walks to the barnhouse when he sees the Priest unlocking the doors of the church. 
The older man takes one look at Tovar and nods in understanding. 
“Is there anything I can help you with my son?”
“Thank you but no Padre.” Tovar walks to his horse and whispers his good mornings to the animal, sighing deeply when he hears footsteps approach him.
“Is there anything you wish to confess?” Tovar snorts a laughter before he turns around and attempts to hide his sarcastic remarks. “How long do you have Padre? Because I assure you, I have not confessed since I was a little boy.” Tovar is thankful that the priest understands the implications behind his words because he smiles and pats him on teh back before heading towards the church.
“My door is open should you change your mind.” Pero nods at the older man before he returns to attend to his horse, his mind recalling every second he spent worshiping your body and how sinful his name sounded falling from your lips.
It’s not until the sun is shining in the middle of the sky that you finally come to your senses. You open your eyes and look around the room for a moment, unable to recollect how you became in this room. When you take in a deep breath and smell the musky and heavy scent of something alien to your senses, memories of the previous night come crashing into your mind and you sit up instantly. You’re frantically looking around but there is not a single sign of Tovar. Removing the sheets, you flush at the sight of the mess that meets your eyes before you cover yourself once more.  
It was no dream then. He was here, in your bed, pleasuring you all night long.
Images of the Spaniard hunched over you and driving his cock into your cunt flash into your mind’s eye and you’re hiding in your pillows when you remember what he’s said to you and what you moaned for him in return. 
But not everything that comes through your hazed memories was pleasant and you remembered some of the things he’s whispered to you, and the last request you asked of him. You wished him to be here, even told him so and he was gone. He chose to leave you alone after laying with you. 
A loud knock came through the door and you tiptoed to the barrier to ask who was calling on you.
“Miss, I was told to bring you a hot bath. You want me to come back another time?” A young girl half-yelled from the hallway and you thanked God you didn’t have to walk around the rest of the day with the stench of sex and god knows what else sticking on your skin.
“No, no. Now is perfect thank you. Just, please give me a moment to collect my bearings.” 
Tovar remains in the barnhouse all day long, not trusting himself to leave for fear of seeking you out. He dozes off at some point, and dreams of your sweaty skin sliding deliciously against his as you ride his cock and cum around him. He dreams of your lips softly caressing his own as you beg him to take you over and over again. He dreams of your soft hands massaging the pain away as he kisses every inch of your skin. He dreams and dreams until the neighs of the horses wake him from his sleep. He sits up immediately to inspect them only to find your beast beating down its hooves as it nudges its head outside the barn windows. Looking outside of the door, Tovar is planted in his place as he watches you make your way into the church. There is a hurry in your footsteps and he can barely make out the expression painted on your beautiful features. He ceases to breathe when he notices your furrowed eyebrows and the way you wipe frantically at your cheeks.
You’ve been crying. And he is sure he is the reason for your tears. For your regrets. And for your broken vows. 
Tovar is incapable of moving a muscle and he knows very well he is the last person you probably wish to see. Grabbing his belongings, he struts back to the inn and ascends to his room, pausing for a moment to look at your door before he pushes into the one across and slams the wooden barrier behind him. 
Back in the church, the Priest can only stand aside as you kneel at the altar, crying and begging God for forgiveness. 
“For...for I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this- this...oh Christ, this evil in Your sight. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Please...my Lord, my God...a broken and a contrite heart, these, O God, You will not despise. Forgive me, have mercy on me. I have sinned before You and I- I have no one else to comfort me. Oh God, I- from the depths of my heart, I beg for Your forgiveness and I ask for Your guidance. I cannot lie to myself any longer, nor can I hide from him. He is my...my everything. Forgive me, f-forgive me.” You’re openly weeping in your hands as you stand and move towards the exit, coming to a halt when you see the Priest standing near the candles.
Walking towards him, you wipe the tears away and look to the floor as you come to a stop in front of him.
“How are you feeling this morning?” His voice is kind and calming and you silently thank God for sending you such a messenger. 
“I cannot lie to you Father, I have seen better nights.” You smile nervously at him and he returns the gesture, nodding in silence before he asks you to walk with him. 
“As much as it pains me to admit this to you, I- I cannot bless your relationship with this man.” You nod in affirmation as he brings you to the door of the church and stops. “I understand that last night was a difficult trial for you, and in a way, for him as well. But you know now, that it has become a temptation...should you, should you choose to go to him.” You can tell he is both sad and uncomfortable by the words he’s speaking to you. 
“I understand Father. But, I- if there is a slither of a chance that I could be with him, I must take it. I must. Forgive me.” You gulp nervously before you move past him and out the church, wiping the tears from your eyes as you make your way back to the inn. As soon as you walk in, you head to the innkeeper and ask him if he’s seen Tovar. He trips over his words and avoids your gaze, quickly telling you that he saw him ascend to his bedroom not too long ago. You thank him before heading up to his chambers, silently begging for your heart to slow down before you knock on his door. 
Taking a deep breath, you raise your hand and knock three times, furrowing your eyebrows when you are met with silence. Knocking once more, you wait with patience and begin to feel nervous when Tovar doesn’t respond. You’re about to try one last time when the door swings open and causes you to almost trip as you back away. 
Tovar’s furious expression melts away at the sight of you, and he barely holds back from pulling you into his arms and comforting you. 
“What do you want?” You wince at his tone and feel your chest tighten when he doesn’t move to let you in. 
“I- I wish to s-speak with you. If- I mean...if that is alright with you.” You’re stuttering again and Tovar finds it endearing that you’re somehow nervous in his presence when, not hours ago, he was pulling the most beautiful sounds from your mouth. Reluctantly, Tovar steps aside and lets you into the room, waiting for you to halt in your steps so he could remain as far away from you as possible.
“Speak,” he knows he should be more kind, a bit softer at least. But he can’t bare his heart to you again, not when you’ve come here to reject him, or perhaps tell him that you couldn’t remain in the company anymore. 
“I- about last night...I wanted to- that is, I’ve been...I was wondering if you- oh God.” Tovar can barely understand a word you’re saying and his impatience is growing by the second so he does the only thing he is capable of.
“You don’t have to say anything princesa, I know.” He pulls you away from your thoughts with a gruff response.
“Y-you do?”
“It was nothing, a mistake. We will not speak of it to anyone, sí?” Tovar snarls the words at you and it takes everything not to break down in front of him. So he’s known of your feelings, and he called what you’ve done last night a mistake. Who knew that rejection could hurt this much.
“Oh. I- I see.” Your voice breaks as you continue to ring your fingers nervously, unsure if there was anything left for you to say. Tovar is confused by your body language and he almost steps towards you to take your hands in his own and comfort you, but he stops himself. 
“So all of what- what you said to me was, it was just in the heat of the moment?” You can’t stop yourself from asking him as you look at him with hope in your eyes. There must have been some truth to them. There had to be. You don’t realize you’re stepping closer to him until the next few moments pass by. 
“You, I- I gave you everything that I am. Everything that I’ve kept for- for decades. And you’re telling me there isn’t a single ounce of affection in that god-forsaken cold heart of yours? I- what more do you want from me? I have nothing else that isn’t yours. Please, I- oh god...” Tovar is shocked at the turn of events and he doesn’t stop you when you begin to beat his chest until he sees how much you’re hurting your own hands. 
“Hermosa what-”
“I’ve given you my body, my- my heart...my soul. And you- you stand there and mock me with how little I matter to you.” You know you shouldn’t admit any of those affections to him and yet you’re incapable of hiding any longer. Tovar’s arms are suddenly tightening around your shaking form and you find yourself calming when you breathe in his scent. 
Tovar wholeheartedly believes he is dreaming because he is sure you would never say such words to him. He gives you all the time in the world to take your frustrations out on him, softly shushing you and rubbing at the back of your neck when you begin to sob again. You’re not sure how much time passes and when you finally pull away, you’re met with a soft pair of brown eyes that carried the weight of so many secrets in them. 
“Hermosa, I-”
“I’m sorry, that was...you didn’t deserve this. I- I should go.” You’re about to slip from his arms when Tovar pulls you back in and molds his lips with yours in a chaste kiss. You let him walk you to the bed and sit you down, never once letting go of him as he keeps his skin on yours. 
You want to ask him a million questions when you finally pull away, but your eyes shift to the beaded necklace around his neck and you recognize it immediately. Rubbing the rosary between your fingers and his chest, you look into his eyes once more and understand what he was silently telling you. What’s been hidden in those venomous words he’d thrown at you ever since you joined the company. 
“Pero.”
“Mi amor, forgive me. I never wished to hurt you so. I- I hoped that you’d one day return my feelings but- I...mierda. I tried to come to terms with your vows and I failed. I’ve been selfish and… last night was, it was- it was the best night of my life. But I knew that you would regret it once you woke up and I couldn’t be there when you looked at me with mistrust. I wish I could tell you that I regretted it...you weren’t yourself and it was, it was against your will. But I wouldn’t take back a single moment. Not one. You were finally in my arms querida and it was everything I’ve prayed for.” Your heart is beating violently at your chest and you swear he can probably hear it.
“Pero, I- I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t you.” Your confession is enough to break down all of the walls he’s built ever since you came into his life and he’s smiling at you before he remembers how you came to this moment. You frown when you watch his smile fade and he turns away from you.
“No hermosa. I- I cannot do this to you. Last night was...forced. I cannot tempt you to break your vows again. I love you Y/N. More than you will ever know. I cannot be the one to come between you and your God again.” You cease to breathe when you hear him admit that he loves you with immense ease. And you decide then and there what you want. 
“Pero, I do not see a life for myself where you are not in it. Where I am not sleeping in your arms every night. I cannot lie to myself anymore. I- I love you. You have my heart. Believe me when I tell you that I choose this for myself.” Your words ignite a fire in Tovar’s chest and he almost cries at what you were willing to do for him. 
Silence grows between the two of you before Tovar breaks it. 
“Marry me.”
“W-what?”
“Marry me hermosa. Marry me and you do not have to disobey your God, and I- I will be with you until the day I die.” His exclamation is beyond shocking and you’re not sure what to make of it because as far as you can tell, he is right.
“Tovar, I- you must understand that you need to be baptized to marry me?” You’re not sure why you ask him such a question but you want to be certain he understands what he is walking into. 
“No I do not cariño, I’ve already been baptized when I was a young boy.”
“You’re Catholic?” 
“By birth...but you know as well as I that I have not practiced in a long time. I- I can try to if you wish me t-”
“I could never force you to do something your heart does not long for. As far as I know, and in the eyes of the church, you need only be baptized.” You shrug, your mind already running with thoughts of how the Priest in the village would react when you return to him alongside Tovar. 
“So you will marry me?” Tovar is beaming with joy at your rationale and he’s squeezing your hands, praying you would end his agony and agree to become his wife. 
“Yes, a thousand times yes.” You jump into his arms and meet his lips once more, savoring the natural taste of them and moaning against him as he deepens the kiss and twists his tongue across yours. You feel his hands skimming down your form and you sigh when he grabs your backside and pulls you into his lap until you’re straddling him.
“Tell me mi amor, is it a sin if I make love to my future wife?” He’s kissing down your chin and nipping at your neck, making it difficult for you to form a coherent thought yet again. 
“Hmm, I’m not- oh God...I don’t know Pero. But- I...I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t confess about later.” You squeal when Tovar turns the two of you around and pushes you beneath him. There is a dangerous glint in his eyes and you twist your fingers in his hair to bring him closer to you. 
“In that case,” Tovar looks up towards the ceiling and you raise a curious eyebrow at him before he returns his attention to you once more, “forgive me Father, for I am about to sin.” 
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Translations (please message me to correct the Spanish): Princesa - Princess ¡Váyase! - Go away! Buenas noches - Good night. Mierda - Shit Cállate - Shut up. Hijo de puta madre - Son of a bitch. Querida - Sweetheart Hermosa - Beautiful No importa - It’s not important or it doesn’t matter. Lo siento - I'm sorry. De nada - You’re welcome. Padre - Father Sí - Yes Perdóname - Forgive me. Magnífico - Magnificent Dios mío - My god Cariño - Dear/Honey Escupe - Spit (imperative form) Mi amor - My love/My sweetheart Relájate - Relax (imperative form) Mi cielo - My heaven Eres perfecto - You’re perfect. Te amo más de lo que nunca sabrás. - I love you more than you’ll ever know. Ven aquí y bésame! - Come here and kiss me!
Biblical References (because I can’t not footnote and I am shameless) Matthew 6:14-15, Psalm 6, Psalm 121, Galatians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, Psalm 3, Psalm 23,  Psalm 26, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Matthew 7:7-8, John 8:32,  Psalm 57,  Psalm 69, Proverbs 6:25, Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:28,  Psalm 51
Tagging some people who showed interest in this fic: @blueeyesatnight @purple-mango @mouthymandalorian @namay @kesskirata @starlightmornings @pedro-pastel @the-ginger-hedge-witch @pedropastelpascal @mothandpidgeon @romanosgirl1978 @littlebopper96 @fan-of-encouragement @feelmyroarrrr @metalarmsandmanbuns @tremistqueen @sebastianruinedme @im-not-great-at-making-up-names @a-bang-for-your-bucky @queensoybean @kat-r-in @blackmarketmummy @fleurdemiel145
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Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)
I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.
I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).
But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 
And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.
There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.
And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 
To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”
You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.
Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.
Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.
And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.
So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.
And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 
In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.
But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.
But there are some more complicated situations.
In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.
So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?
1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”
Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.
And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.
2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.
The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.
3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.
Stranger: so what’s with the...
Blind Character: what’s with what?
S: the... you know
BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific
S: Your eyes?
BC: They’re... eyes
S: but you’re...
BC: Blind?
S: uh...
BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*
Or this conversation:
S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?
(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)
BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.
*awkward silence*
BC: instantly.
Friend: It’s truly tragic
BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young
Or this conversation:
S: Why are you wearing that?
BC: It’s called fashion Karen!
Or this conversation:
S: are you like... blind?
BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 
God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...
4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 
5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.
So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.
Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”
So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,
If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 
It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.
Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.
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hxseok-honee · 3 years
Text
sundress || part 8
written portion under the cut!
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sundress [part 8] || weirdly normal
previous || masterlist || next
a/n : ['cause you're a one in a million // there ain't no man like you] streets x doja cat
taglist [open] :
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Saturday, 18 September, 4:33pm
“Sex?”
“No sex.”
“Not even a little bit of sex?! Just like, once a week!” Y/n lifts her head to level Yoongi with a glare, one that has him shrinking back and whispering ‘okay, no sex’. With a shake of her head, she’s dipping her head again, focusing in on the roll of parchment in her lap.
They’re sitting face to face on her bed, each holding some parchment and a quill as they try to ‘negotiate fair terms for their arrangement’, as Y/n had put it when Yoongi had complained about not needing rules.
Y/n’s making the final list of rules on her own parchment, Yoongi tearing off scraps of his and submitting suggestions, most of them sexual in nature. There’s a pile of rejects next to him, but he’s yet to lose hope. Ripping off another piece of paper, he scribbles ‘blowjobs?’ quickly and folds it in half, handing it over to her with a smile. She doesn’t even look up or open it, immediately crumpling it and throwing it back at him. It hits him squarely between the eyes.
Blinking once, he tears off another piece, unfazed - this one says ‘so no head?’. Somehow that one also hits him between the eyes.
“Okay — what do you think?” Y/n sits up straight with a smile, offering Yoongi her draft of the Rules List. He looks it over, eyebrows raised.
No sex!!
Romantic affection is to be kept to public situations as much as possible.
Saturday Night Routine is to remain untouched and untainted.
Min Yoongi must keep his scumminess to a minimum in private.
He finishes reading before looking up, eyes deadpan.
“You are so fucking boring.” Y/n scoffs, reaching out to take the parchment back, but he’s holding it above his head, grabbing for his quill. Quickly he scribbles a fifth rule, one that says “MAKE JEON JUNGKOOK SUFFER” in his chicken scratch. And then he looks up at her, another thought on his mind.
“We should have practice sessions.” Y/n furrows a brow, eyeing him with suspicion.
“What does that mean, and why do I already not like it?” He taps a finger on Rule #2, underlining the words ‘public situations’ lightly with his quill.
“We’re gonna be doing most of this stuff in public, so you’re gonna have to get used to getting freaky with me in public spaces. Library, broom closets, empty corridors and classrooms — that’s what I’m known for.” He looks almost proud when he says it, and Y/n can’t help her amused smile even as she shakes her head in disappointment.
“How are you so fundamentally gross as a person?” He grins back because she’s clearly fond of him, so he feels no shame in how he is, only explaining further.
“If the entirety of Hogwarts is gonna believe I’m taken and off the market, you’re gonna have to keep up with me, babe.” Y/n rolls her eyes, knowing he’s right despite not wanting to admit that. If Yoongi’s putting in the work to make it seem like he’s committed to her, she should at least meet him halfway. And Min Yoongi is a lot of things, but being a total sex fiend is what most people know him to be. She is gonna have to keep up.
“You realize it’s obvious you’re just trying to find somewhere to let out all your sexual frustration, right?” He doesn’t respond, only lifting an eyebrow, silently asking if she’s okay with that. After a moment, she’s sighing, pointing down at the list in his lap.
“Alright, fine. But we need rules for that, too.” He groans, throwing himself backwards onto her mattress dramatically.
“Why do you enjoy ruining every good thing in my life?” When she kicks at his thigh, he’s rolling over onto his stomach, flattening the parchment out in front of him so he can write the word ‘Sessions’, underlining it quickly. And then he looks at her.
“What are you comfortable doing?” She purses her lips, a smile dancing there, because she notices that he doesn’t make it about him and what he is and isn’t allowed to do. He makes it about her and respecting her boundaries. And she knows, by the way he’s tilting his head in confusion when she only smiles down at him, that he has no idea that he’s made that distinction. If he were anyone else, she’d be incredibly attracted to him right now.
But he is him. So she’s blinking that thought away, humming as she considers his question.
“Nothing below the belt…” He nods, writing as she speaks.
“Can I touch your butt?” When she lets out a noise of confusion, he’s looking up at her again. “Like, hand in your pocket while we walk, ass grabbing— that stuff.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t thought of that. She nods after a moment, not seeing the harm in him doing that. “Sure? Not my boobs, though.”
Immediately, he’s flopping backwards onto the bed again, whininess coating his voice when he complains.
“But I already felt everything in the shower! What’s the difference—Ow! Okay!” She’s pushed her feet up against his torso, kicking at him aggressively until he’s rolled away to where she can’t reach him. And then he’s pouting, making grabby hands at her for emphasis while he continues, at a distance now where he can complain safely.
“You know I’d pick tits over ass any day! You’re just doing this to hurt me.” Y/n only smiles mockingly, reaching out to tap a finger on the paper.
“Don’t forget to write ‘no boobs’ there, too!” Yoongi grimaces, rolling back toward her and picking up his quill, angrily scratching the words into the parchment.
“Okay, anything else?” He’d made a big fuss about not being able to touch her boobs, but he’s already over it, and — again — Y/n finds herself full of adoration that Yoongi will never push her boundaries, already having accepted them even when he was complaining about them.
You’re just all bark and no bite, aren’t you?
“Actually, I do bite. I like biting. Why do you ask?” Fighting the urge to smack the palm of her hand to her forehead at the realization that she’d said that aloud, Y/n shakes her head at Yoongi, who seems innocently confused. He shrugs when she doesn’t explain, his eyes lighting up when he thinks of something.
“We should do kinks.” Y/n rolls her eyes.
“Absolutely not—"
“Why not?! We’re gonna figure out what we like eventually if we’re doing these practice sessions, so why not talk about it?” He looks childishly enraged, his pout returning. She only laughs at him, shaking her head.
“Because we’re not doing anything sexual, so what’s the point?” He sighs, sitting up and facing her, crossing his legs as he goes.
“Kinks don’t have to be sexual, you big nerd. It’s not about the sex — it’s about the trust.” Y/n blinks, not having expected him to say something so serious.
“Okay… but if it’s about the trust, how are you acting on all your kinks with the other people? You don’t really know them.” He smiles softly, shaking his head.
“I usually don’t, actually. I just do whatever they want.” Y/n gapes at him, unable to believe that Yoongi had been holding back this whole time.
“So, if someone’s into choking—"
“It’s up to them if they want to trust me to do that for them. Obviously, I’d never go too far, but everyone’s trust thresholds are different. Mine’s just really high, so I always made it about them instead.” He shrugs while he says it, as if they’re talking about what he’d had for lunch and not the surprising weight he puts on trust in sexual situations.
“And you wanna explore that stuff now? With me? We’re not even together.” He tilts his head in confusion again.
“Yeah? There’s no one I trust more than you.” Y/n thinks her head might actually start spinning, because Min Yoongi’s brain is just not wired the same as hers. His ability to be both incredibly simple about his life outlook and shockingly nuanced about the inner workings of his mind — he’s more than just confident and sure of himself. He’s completely self-aware. It’s not the first time she’s been stupidly fond of him, but right now, she thinks he’s amazing.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Y/n blinks, realizing she’s just been staring at him that entire time. She shakes her head, slightly dazed, not even noticing that Yoongi’s looking at her with suspicious eyes. Pointing back to the list, she clears her throat awkwardly.
“Yeah, sure, kinks. But — I’m not telling you shit, it’s embarrassing. Figure it out yourself.” Eyebrows flying to his hairline, Yoongi reaches for the quill slowly, uncertainly.
“For real? You’re down?” She nods, trying to move on already, but Yoongi’s not letting it go, even as he writes it down. “Like… a game, then? We just test shit and see how we react? Because I already know you like having your hair pulled—“
“Oh my— Yoongi!” He snickers at her embarrassment, shaking his head. She has no reason to be shy, he thinks to himself. I’m the last person she has to worry about.
“So…” He glances up at her from where he lies, his eyes full of mischief. Y/n eyes him suspiciously, because he’s definitely about to say something stupid.
“Should we start now, then?” Lifting himself up onto all fours, he starts to crawl over to her, a smirk dancing on the edges of his lips — one that’s hidden quickly by the hand Y/n’s planting on his face, stopping him from coming any closer.
“Get out of my room, Yoongi.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Redirecting, Yoongi heads for the edge of the bed, sliding his sneakers on before standing. “I’ll be back in a couple hours—“ Turning, he cuts himself off, leaning down into Y/n’s face and smiling fondly when she backs away, rightfully wary of him.
“Kiss, please.” She’s immediately glaring, and he’s pointing down at the list on her bed, affronted. “You said Saturday Night Routine has to remain untouched — I still have like 2 hours until then. Kiss, please.”
With an irritated sigh, Y/n leans up, cupping Yoongi’s face and pressing her lips gently to his. Even knowing he’s probably got something up his sleeve, she’s unprepared for him to nibble at her bottom lip, trying to deepen the kiss. Pulling away quickly, she’s smacking at his arm indignantly, glaring when he laughs openly, his shoulders shaking as he does. He leans down quickly, pressing one last kiss to her lips before ducking out of the way of her swinging fist, chuckling to himself as he slings his bag over his shoulder and heads for the door.
“Don’t forget to choose something for us to watch while I pick up our food, okay? I’m not tryna let my dinner get cold because you’re indecisive.”
“That only happened once!” He shoots her a grin over his shoulder as he’s pulling her door open, his eyes amused.
“Love you!” Y/n rolls her eyes at the sing-song way he says it, responding with an annoyed ‘yeah, love you too’ as he’s closing the door behind him. She sits on her bed in silence for a few moments, vaguely disgruntled as she looks down at their list of rules and thinks about that entire conversation.
That was… weirdly normal.
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