Diomedes sitting on a couch with his arms crossed: So I've seen that you've been spending a lot of time with Penelope lately. Odysseus: Wait no dude it's not what it looks like I swear Diomedes: Oh really? So theres no reason for me to be jealous? Odysseus: No! You're the only one for me Diomedes: Is that so? Odysseus: I promise! Penelope and I are just dating, ok? Diomedes: so there's no rivalry-friendship feelings involved? Odysseus: you are still my only Rival. She's just the best thing that's happened to me. Nothing more Diomedes: but I'm the best Rival to have happened to you right? Odysseus: Of course! Penelope just watching all of this go down: What the fuck

Odysseus: "oh no we’re all doomed by the narrative" Odysseus: Maybe you are. I’m the narrative’s favorite. [later] Odysseus: Update: Turns out this is not a good thing for me.

Suitor *to Telemachus*: You are nobody's child! Odysseus: How do you now that?!

So yeah,,, as per my last post, the card was absolutely Odysseus in disguise

Penelope, just after learning that she's pregnant: Odysseus, I have a gift for you!

Odysseus: Oh, where is it?

Penelope: It's in my belly :)

Odysseus: You ate my gift?!

Odysseus: You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mom

Athena: Well, since your mom is dead, yes, I am

Odysseus: Wait, my mOM IS DEAD!!

Athena: SHIT-

Calypso and her maidens: *preparing an entire choreography singing together with Calypso* 🎵 Doooon't go wasting your emotions... Lay all your love on meeeeee! 🎵

Meanwhile Odysseus at the beach: 🎵 Lonely...I'm Mr. Lonely... 🎵

Another thing i misheard in Epic: the musical was instead of "you can relax my friend" in open arms, I heard "you can eat max my friend"

Polites, you doing alright or did you just tell your bestie to eat someone?

Zeus: "Aegisthus did not listened to my warnings when I sent Hermes to announce Agamemnon's son will return to kill him if he sticks to his wife's side AND kill him. Not even Hermes with his long tongue could change his mind!"

Athena:"Who cares about that mf,he deserved it! Let's talk about the divine 💫 Odysseus 💫 instead. Let's send Hermes to Calypso."

Hermes:"I didn't even sit down in fact, as every story starts with me sent Hades knows where!!"

Zeus:"What are you saying?"

Hermes:"To your orders, my Lord Zeus."

Hermes *kilometres of ocean later* "Dammit!"

Odysseus: Penelope is everything. I’m just Ken.

Diomedes: huh?

Odysseus: You guys don't want to mess with me! Eurylochus: Yeah. He will straight up cry in public. Don't try him Odysseus: Exactly, I will stra- Odysseus: Odysseus, tearing up: Why would you say something like that?

Antinous: Tell everybody that before the day is out, we shall have a wedding... or a hanging! Either way we shall have a lot of fun!

Odysseus yelling at Poseidon: I only respect one authority. And that authority is my wife.

Does this joker card have Odysseus energy or do I have a problem

Odysseus: Love, if I died, would you get married again?

Penelope: That's a stupid question, I wouldn't let you die.

Odysseus: But what if it was out of your control, like I was run over by a chariot or fell ill or something?

Penelope: I would march down into the Fields of Punishment and drag you back out.

Odysseus: What if I was at peace in the afterlife, and didn't want to come back?

Penelope: I don't care what you want, you think I'm living without you? Are you crazy?

Odysseus: Awwwww. Wait, why did you just assume I'd end up in the Fields of Punishment?

Penelope: Have you met yourself? You're a heinous bastard and that's why I love you.

No, but now seriously, can you imagine how funny it has to be with the whole army thinking, that Odysseus is crazy? Like, sure, Agamemnon got that it's not true, but gossip in such a large group of people is immortal.

And now, every time someone new was joining, soldiers heard "u know about a king of Ithaca? He's fu*king mad! He almost killed he's own son!" And people were like "Yeah, you're right!" Or "nah is not true" but in a camp it has to be obvious that when Odysseus was walking somewhere, or talking something out loud, everybody listen, just to know if he seems to be crazy. And that's also why in the beginning of the Iliad, he's the one who calming down the army- they want listen to him better then other leaders, becouse he's the subject of their theorys.