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#incorrect greek god quotes
h0bg0blin-meat · 2 days
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Hermes: *chewing on a licorice*
Apollo: We got good snacks, licorice is disgusting.
Hermes: ...I'm sorry I didn't quite understand that, um Mr. Peanut Butter And Banana Sandwiches!-
Apollo: You know what, I stand by that sandwich; nobody likes licorice, it's- it's made of dirt!
Hermes: It is a classic movie food, it's right up there with popcorn!
Apollo: ...Popcorn??-
Hermes: Yes!-
Apollo: Oh you're out of your mind!
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0lympian-c0uncil · 3 months
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Poseidon: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea taste different if you put it in hot water
Athena,*slowly puts down her book*: Y-You were putting it in cold water....
Poseidon: ....
Hera: Poseidon. Answer the question. Poseidon!
Poseidon: Yeah I thought for like 5 years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. Didn't realize there was an actual reason.
Everyone: ....
Poseidon: You think I have the patience to boil water?
Dionysus: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes????
Apollo,*grabbing him*: Why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it?!
Dionysus: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?!
Apollo: It takes less than a minute!
Hermes: BESTIE IS YOUR STOVE TOP POWERED BY THE FUCKING SUN?????
Apollo: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON THE STOVE!??!
Hermes: Like 7 minutes!
Dionysus: *nods*
Apollo: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes less than that and you use a saucepan.
Zeus: HA- You're putting the whole mug on the stove?????? on medium heat???? You're stove is enchanted!
Athena: Every single person in this room is a fucking lunatic...
Demeter: Do none of you own a fucking kettle!?
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mytholots · 2 months
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Apollo: You disgust me.
Hermes: *eating a kitkat sideways* And?
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incorrectgreekgods · 9 months
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Zeus: When I got married, you know what Hera often said to me? Poseidon: Please stop sleeping with other people?
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echo-stimmingrose · 8 months
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Persephone: Hades! Hermes and Thanatos are fighting again!
Hades: *groans like the tired father he is* Not again.
Hades: Every week they do this! Why do I have to handle it? When did they become my children?
Persephone: *amused*
Hades: At least the other children are behaving, right?
Melinoe: *about to cause chaos with the new magic Hecate taught her* Yes, of course.
Zagreus: *learning how to blood bend* We're always behaving.
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paradisechid800 · 3 months
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Au where Dite and Perse raised Adonis together
Hestia: Adonis bit a kid at school today.
Persephone: *gasp*
Aphrodite: What!?
Hestia: I know this is hard to hear, bu-
Persephone: How dare you!?!?
Aphrodite: Our son is a saint!
Hestia:???
Baby Adonis: *running with a flame thrower burning everything he sees*
Hestia:!?!?
Hestia: Are you seeing this!
Aphrodite: Of course we are.
Persephone: Who do you think gave that to him!?
*
Baby Adonis: *holding a giant battleaxe*
Demeter: Little boy, where do you think you're going with that?
Baby Adonis: Um...
Demeter: Give it too me.
Baby Adonis: *Hands to her*
Demeter: Thank you. *hands him a bigger, sharper one* this cuts much more proficiently.
Baby Adonis: Thank u, uwu *starts chasing people*
Aphrodite: That's my boy.
*
Zeus: *Bouncing baby Adonis on his knee* What an adorable little scamp.
Hera: Careful, we don't want him developing a bad vocabulary.
Zeus: Don't be silly. Perse's the one raising him, this is the most innocent thing in the world.
Baby Adonis: *Points at Zeus* Slut!
Zeus: ...
Zeus: Well he isn't wrong.
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wolfer13579 · 4 months
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Hades: *on top of a building* I’m going to jump!
Zeus/Poseidon/Hestia: *collectively* NOO!
Demeter/Hera: Do a flip!
Dedicated to: @0lympian-c0uncil, cuz of that one post relating to The Office
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perish-the-creator · 5 months
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Aphrodite: You'd have to be sick to look at THAT man and want to fuck him unironically. Aglaia: **uncontrollable coughing, wheezing, and gagging** Aphrodite: **grabs Hephaestus** Actually-
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hemogoblin-art · 8 months
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Gaia: Alright, I need you to swear-
Nyx: Fuck.
Gaia:
Gaia: Swear as in 'promise'...
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salvepersone · 1 year
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Ares:it's ok to ask for help!
Apollo: you're not a burden!
Dionysus: murder is ok.
Hermes: you're feelings matter!
Hermes:...wait
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ghostwithwings · 3 months
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Zeus: "Aegisthus did not listened to my warnings when I sent Hermes to announce Agamemnon's son will return to kill him if he sticks to his wife's side AND kill him. Not even Hermes with his long tongue could change his mind!"
Athena:"Who cares about that mf,he deserved it! Let's talk about the divine 💫 Odysseus 💫 instead. Let's send Hermes to Calypso."
Hermes:"I didn't even sit down in fact, as every story starts with me sent Hades knows where!!"
Zeus:"What are you saying?"
Hermes:"To your orders, my Lord Zeus."
Hermes *kilometres of ocean later* "Dammit!"
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h0bg0blin-meat · 5 months
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Ares: I just stubbed my toe.
Ares: But did I cry like a baby?
Ares: Of course not.
Ares: A baby don't have the lung capacity for the sound I just made.
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0lympian-c0uncil · 5 months
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mytholots · 5 months
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Apollo, *acting tough*: You guys don't want to mess with me.
Dionysus: Yeah, Apollo will straight up cry in public. Don't try him.
Apollo: Exactly, I will straight up-
Apollo: ...
Apollo, *tearing up*: Dio, why would you say that?!
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candlelight-melody · 9 months
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you want me to wear my boyfriends clothes??? the very thing that killed patroclus???? fuck off man
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echo-stimmingrose · 9 months
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Artemis: You didn't hear it from me, but everyone thinks your gay.
Apollo:
Artemis: Not me though. I know it.
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