Ajax: are you okay, Achilles ?
Achilles, sighing: Patroclus used to call me Achilles.
Ajax: yeah because it's your fucking name.
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all the other heroes: *famous because they killed some great monster*
Achilles: *famous because he threw a rage fit after his boyfriend died*
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I will never understand how Odysseus has all the braincells while also having none of them at the same exact time. He is an amazing war general and is insanely smart but has the attention span of a rat fuelled by the need to cause chaos simply because he is bored. He can't listen to one thing while getting distracted by the thing he was specifically told not to touch.
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Agamemnon: I never considered you a rival.
Achilles: I never considered you at all.
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Odysseus: "oh no we’re all doomed by the narrative"
Odysseus: Maybe you are. I’m the narrative’s favorite.
[later]
Odysseus: Update: Turns out this is not a good thing for me.
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please take my internet off
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Hector: did you eat all my powdered donuts?
Paris: *mouth full*...No
Hector: then, what's all the white powder on your tunic?
Paris: ...
Paris: that's cocaine
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Apollo helping his boyfriend get a wife be like
Based on this
Apollo's design
Admetus and Alcestis' designs ( +sumary of their myth)
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Okey but imagine what it must have been like for everyone else outside of Achilles and Patroclus in the Trojan war
“Great! We’ve got Achilles here, we’re saved! But who’s that other guy?”
“Right, that’s Patroclus, Achilles’ emotional support human”
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“Help I’m dying! Achilles help me!”
“Hold on, that guy is standing too close to Patroclus”
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“Odysseus, Achilles is being unreasonable again.”
“You brought Achilles here??? What did I tell you? We reason with Patroclus and then Patroclus looks pretty and Achilles will listen”
~
“Patroclus died!”
“Ahh, dam it, now we’re gonna loose the war”
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