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#incorrect greek mythology
incorrecthomer · 16 hours
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Odysseus: Okay, I’ve come up with a 3-step plan to get Helen to marry you! Menelaus: . . . Okay . . . Odysseus: Step one - invite her to play Truth or Dare Menelaus: Oh gods Odysseus: Step two - wait until she picks dare, which she will because I’ll be making chicken noises at her Menelaus: dude no Odysseus: Step three - DARE her to marry you! Helen, from the other room: It could work!
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olympushit · 2 days
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I am an Ares stan, of course I am spontaneous and hotheaded!
I am an Ares stan, of course I believe he is underrated!
I am an Ares stan, of course I belive in feminism!
I am an Ares stan, of course I always condemn anyone who talks bad about him without even studying greek mythology!
I am an Ares stan, of course I hate Lore Olympus, and every modern representation that makes him look like an ass!
I am an Ares stan, of course I am Ares' Army!
I am an Ares stan, of course I stan and respect Aphrodite equally!
I am an Ares stan, of course fighting for what I love is what I do best!
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h0bg0blin-meat · 2 days
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Hermes: *chewing on a licorice*
Apollo: We got good snacks, licorice is disgusting.
Hermes: ...I'm sorry I didn't quite understand that, um Mr. Peanut Butter And Banana Sandwiches!-
Apollo: You know what, I stand by that sandwich; nobody likes licorice, it's- it's made of dirt!
Hermes: It is a classic movie food, it's right up there with popcorn!
Apollo: ...Popcorn??-
Hermes: Yes!-
Apollo: Oh you're out of your mind!
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meditando-en-paris · 1 year
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Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.
Achilles: *Loud gasp*
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nobuuses · 1 year
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0lympian-c0uncil · 3 months
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Poseidon: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea taste different if you put it in hot water
Athena,*slowly puts down her book*: Y-You were putting it in cold water....
Poseidon: ....
Hera: Poseidon. Answer the question. Poseidon!
Poseidon: Yeah I thought for like 5 years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. Didn't realize there was an actual reason.
Everyone: ....
Poseidon: You think I have the patience to boil water?
Dionysus: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes????
Apollo,*grabbing him*: Why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it?!
Dionysus: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?!
Apollo: It takes less than a minute!
Hermes: BESTIE IS YOUR STOVE TOP POWERED BY THE FUCKING SUN?????
Apollo: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON THE STOVE!??!
Hermes: Like 7 minutes!
Dionysus: *nods*
Apollo: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes less than that and you use a saucepan.
Zeus: HA- You're putting the whole mug on the stove?????? on medium heat???? You're stove is enchanted!
Athena: Every single person in this room is a fucking lunatic...
Demeter: Do none of you own a fucking kettle!?
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godsofhumanity · 4 months
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Zeus: So how did you convince all our siblings to betray me? What did you offer them? Hera: I asked if they wanted to embarrass you and they instantly said yes.
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incorrectgreekgods · 4 months
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Ares: Your lipstick looks great! Aphrodite: It tastes even better. *winks* Ares: I know. Aphrodite: Ares: Aphrodite: Hey why are your teeth pink?
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withlovefromolympus · 3 months
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Poseidon: oh no
Zeus: what is it?
Poseidon: an angry wife is coming towards us
Zeus: mine or yours
Poseidon: does it really matter?
Zeus: Well, if it's Amphitrite we might survive, but if it's Hera, we're totally dead.
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Odysseus: What's up with Achilles? He has been laying on the floor for like.. an hour now?
Breises: He's a bit overwhelmed
Odysseus: And why is that?
Breises: Patroclus smiled at him
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mytholots · 4 months
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Apollo: *crying* It was so hard! I couldn't take it man!
Artemis: *patting him on the back* Yeah life can be hard sometimes.
Apollo: Life?
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incorrecthomer · 3 days
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Small Ajax: Time sensitive question how flirt girl. Agamemnon: Throw rocks at her. Odysseus: Hot Dogs. Achilles: Kill her. Ajax: Thanks guys
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olympushit · 6 months
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Greek gods and their mottos:
Zeus: Justice above all.
Hera: Loyalty is the key to harmony.
Poseidon: Life is like the sea, you can never know for how long it will be calm.
Hades: The reason you don't enjoy life is because you are afraid of death.
Hestia: Keep calm and carry on.
Demeter: Don't underestimate someone because they look calm.
Ares: Never judge a book by its cover.
Aphrodite: Love is a bird, she needs to fly.
Apollo: The sexiest language someone can speak is the motherfucking truth.
Artemis: Women can do everything.
Hephaestus: Ugly outside, beautiful inside.
Athena: Knowledge is power.
Dionysus: Rage on or go home.
Hermes: Being talkative is nice, until you start lying.
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marsdeathdefiances · 9 months
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Achilles: I got in trouble during the council.
Patroclus: Why?
Achilles: Odysseus pointed a stick at me and said ‘the person on the end of this stick is incompetent’ so I asked ‘which end’
Patroclus: *laughing* I’m so proud of you babe.
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meditando-en-paris · 5 months
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Achilles: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?
Patroclus: AS ENEMIES?!
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h0bg0blin-meat · 5 months
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Ares: I just stubbed my toe.
Ares: But did I cry like a baby?
Ares: Of course not.
Ares: A baby don't have the lung capacity for the sound I just made.
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