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my-writings-and-musings · 3 years

Note

Could you do Himbo king Riptide with the oxygen loss?

Yes

But first

Thank you for giving him the best possible nickname and bestowing upon him the GREATEST of all titles he is forever the Himbo King in my heart oh my GOSH.

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: Here!

Part Five: Here!

Part Six: Here!

Part Seven: Here!

Part Eight: Here!

Part Nine: Here!

Part Ten: Here!

Part Eleven: Here!

Part Twelve: You're Here!

Riptide

·Having often been dismissed or even mocked for his struggles understanding things that come so easy to others, he was relieved when you met him and were entirely accepting, turning his curiosity for earth to fondness for you in particular. For your part, you simply found his sweetness absolutely charming from the very beginning. While he also has a bit of a mischievous streak, that only contributed to the appeal, and the aquatic Autobot had you smitten fast. Now you're inseparable and everyone knows it. Today you're hanging out by the oil reservoir to chat, complete with some drinks to enjoy as you do so, though they're somewhat forgotten by the snuggle happy Riptide. Not being one for quiet contemplation doesn't stop him from enjoying mostly wordless cuddling sessions in the peaceful chamber.

·You're gaining a static charge thanks to his enthusiastic and cat like nuzzles against you, but you couldn't care less, especially because you know silent affection means he's quite content. A little kiss on his nasal crest earns you a growling purr, and when his optics meet your eyes you can see he's trying to think of something suave to say. The effort alone is sweet enough for you to willingly wait as long as he needs. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the opportunity to finish. There's a very mood ruining tremor that turns into a ground shaking quake, one that sends the reservoir turning over until a wave of oil is sent your way. Thankfully the bot you're dating is able to react on the spot, transforming into a boat and balancing you on his back until the ship grows still and the wave returns to the tank, at which point Riptide reverts to bipedal mode and holds you above the mess.

·Knowing that things aren't supposed to just tumble about, he tries to message someone for an explanation but finds he can't reach anyone. That immediately worries him, but not for his own sake. On instinct, he looks to your tiny form in his hands, knowing that any trouble will prove disastrous for your squishy self. Even if this is just a technical problem, you might get hurt, and he can't let that happen! He has to get you somewhere safe... The challenge of figuring out where is what's difficult, as the entire ship could be dangerous, and he's not accustomed to going away from potential trouble... You can see the panic growing on his face as you catch your breath, and a reassuring request to share the problem coaxes him into speaking.

·You listen diligently as he lays out the problem, his optics growing more worried as he explains the need to assist clashing with his priority to you, and admittedly the concern is touching. Had he been by himself, no doubt he'd have just fearlessly charged for the problem to help. Putting your own mind to the predicament, the possibility of a solution to all present issues becomes clear; the medical bay. No sooner have you posited the destination than he begins acting on it, cheerily praising the sense of it as he holds you close and starts moving. Despite being your proud protector, he doesn't mind leaving planning like this to you, as in fact it makes you and him a kind of dynamic duo. Now that the plan has been set, it's his job to be the muscle and keep you safe...

·There's a kind of comfort to be found in Riptide's arms, even with everything being so tense and quiet around the ship. Between his speed, strength and dedication, there's very little in the universe that could threaten you in his company. It makes you appreciate every moment being held so close to his warm frame. The big bot certainly notices you snuggling close in the silence, and he fights the urge to be talkative as he holds you closer, letting your small form settle naturally against his spark. Somehow he doesn't feel so on edge with you nearby. In fact, not much is scary at all with you in his life, and as an MTO he's spent a lot of time afraid. There's been so much fighting and death from the first day he awoke, and now he feels there can truly be something else for a change, even in moments like this.

·He knows enough about irony to realize that the ambush he walks right into is very ironic. Thankfully, he's honed his reflexes more than well enough to both dodge the first incoming hit and to move into a protective stance around you without hesitation. Outnumbered, he moves swiftly from the center of the circling aliens, each as big as he is but far slower. Shoulder checking one to facilitate an escape, he has just enough time to spot a little alcove a small distance ahead, and for your sake he makes an immediate decision. With a command for you to run, he releases you from his cupped palms and turns to fight off the attackers. All he can do is hope you understand and that he can fight off this many bad guys at once. Knowing that he has to, for both your sakes, doesn't help him as much as he thinks it should.

·Though you're more than a little rattled by the rush of action, you've learned enough in the past few months to recover from such things quickly, and the command for you to run is all you need to get moving. Loud sounds of combat fill your ears as you take off, but you don't stop. Cover is needed before you can check on your partner, instinct tells you. A shot from an energy weapon nearly takes away your hope of seeing him again when it hurls dangerously close. Heat singes your hair and makes you stumble, but you still manage to hobble behind a corner and into a human sized alcove. Only then, burned to a very uncomfortable but not dangerous degree, do you look back at Riptide. To your relief, he's managed to turn the tide of battle and is finishing off the last enemy with his bare hands, sharp dentae bared as he fights like a bot twice his size.

·From his own perspective, Riptide thought everything was a blur after he saw you stumble from a close encounter with blaster fire. Uncertain if you'd even gotten up, or what injuries you might have suffered, he'd gone into a rage assuming the very worst. The alien who'd taken the shot had been the first to go, their weapon crumbling in his servos to burn them with its acidic ammo, but pain hadn't been much of an obstacle in the face of worry. It had almost seemed like one blink of his optics had been all that passed between the start and end of the bloodshed. As soon as the last threat had been dealt with, his focus had shifted fearfully back to you, or at least where he'd last seen you. His spark almost sang to see you looking right back at him. Wincing from injuries he had been too preoccupied to feel before, he smiled through it all before kneeling to welcome you back to his arms in a careful embrace.

·Despite the burning afflicting your arms and face, bright pink blood was your first concern, especially that which dripped from a fist sized crater in his chest. Fussing over him without a care for yourself, you were lifted in a gentle hand as he tried to walk while reassuring you. Frankly, the discoloration to certain parts of your skin seems far more pressing a concern from his perspective, as he's never seen it look so flushed or give off so much heat. Suggesting that you take it easy the rest of the way to the medbay, he points out your still rapid breaths as a sign you need to relax. Even if he doesn't understand "breathing" he's seen it often enough to figure out you only speed it up when stressed. You find yourself surprised upon realizing you are indeed quite out of breath even now.

·Something lurches in his spark when he sees a disturbing slouch to your entire body, as if the adrenaline has finally faded and something awful is hitting you without its shield. Dizzy and quite exhausted, you lay yourself down in the palm holding you gently to try and regain some semblance of concentration, but find the allure of sleep to be growing by the second. Your brush with death must have taken a lot out of you... It's impossible to ignore how nice it is to relax and close your eyes. Even the pain of your injuries is so much more bearable when consciousness slips further away, and you suddenly can't think of many reasons to resist, even as your partner starts insistently asking why you want to sleep.

·Riptide goes right back to panicking as you start to power down in his arms no matter how he requests you stay awake. Tears start dotting his optics as the worst of possibilities run rampant through his mind, forcing him to run despite his own injuries to get you help before it's too late. What if you suffered some human injury he didn't know was possible during the fight? What if he couldn't get you to help in time? What if this was all his fault? Pleading for you to stay awake, he ignores the pain in his body as he continues to make himself run, half uncertain he's going the right way in his panic. Thinking borders on impossible with the hurt and grief warring inside of him. All he knows is that he can't lose you, and in the back of his processor a wicked bit of loathing taunts him for messing up in ways that a smart bot never would have.

·Limping into the medical bay, he brushes off immediate concern for his own injuries to hold you up and plead for somebot who knows how to fix you. The medics react quickly, having trained to treat humans with you on board, and First Aid informs him of a breakdown in the ship's atmospheric controls. Not understanding the finer details of the issue, he's nevertheless able to figure out you were in a kind of danger he wasn't even aware of. Seeing you be stabilized and bandaged makes him happy for only the shortest of moments. It hardly seems any of this could have happened if you had been with a bot who was smart enough to grasp these things. From the ambush to the delay just in getting you here, it isn't hard to conclude he's responsible for your suffering...

·Having not truly lost consciousness until the medics put you under to recover, you know where you are when wakefulness stirs your limbs, but that doesn't stop you from feeling a touch confused. Accustomed to waking in the presence of one particular bot, you stretch out your hand in a blind search for a familiar presence. A warm digit presses into your palm without delay. Opening your eyes to a beloved face partially obscured by an oxygen mask, you're relieved to see the injuries he endured protecting you have been patched up to the best of Autobot medical ability, leaving little more than a few bandages to mark their presence. However, the usually perky bot is looking absolutely distraught. Grey optics make it clear to you he's been crying. Without a pause, you ask him if he was hurt worse than initially thought, or if something terrible happened to someone else.

·At your concern he sheds more tears, both touched by your words and feeling wholly undeserving of their compassion. He can't help but say how all of your troubles are his fault, as anyone who was actually smart would have taken you here right away. They also would have been able to avoid walking right into an ambush, something only bots as slow as himself would do, because he's just so dumb. At his last word you grab his digit insistently, unable to stand up and stop such talk as you usually do when teasing gets to him. Hearing you say that such talk simply isn't true, that you adore him and he made the decisions that likely saved your life in addition to fighting off a team of aliens... Your words help, as they always do. Though he's still quite rattled at the idea of nearly losing you.

·Gesturing to his still healing wounds, you assure him that you're afraid as well, because there's a lot out there capable of hurting you both. But, together, you stand a chance. That gives him pleasant pause. Recalling how he'd compared the two of you to a kind of dynamic duo, he smiles and leans in to you as he does when seeking cuddles. Careful of your own bandages, you let him snuggle close and pet his crest just the way he likes, encouraging him to relax. Forming a protective wall around you, he's able to get some much needed rest alongside you, looking far more peaceful at the prospect of always having you beside him.

#transformers #maccadam #mtmte #more than meets the eye #lostlight #lost light #ll #idw #tf #my writing #my asks #anon #requests #riptide #riptide x reader #HIMBO KING

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anothertastelesstetrahedron · 3 years

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Descole headcanons maybe 👀

Did someone say Descole? 👀 I’m just gonna put the whole thing under the read more cut, since this ended up being a very long post - and I mean looooooong - like almost 3000 words long. Major spoilers for most of the games - mainly the Descole Trilogy (looking at you AL), but there’s also one UF one.

Des has terrible handwriting. I just think it would be funny if that's the one thing he cannot change about himself while impersonating someone else. He can manage faking signatures, but free writing as someone else? He has to try very, very hard to get that (nearly) right. Tbh for most of his roles that’s also hardly a problem, so he doesn’t bother.

He dehydrated/had a heat stroke at least once while in full costume. There must be a reason why Raymond tries so hard to make sure the AL gang takes water bottles, sunscreen and so on with them. Des has no self-preservation instinct (unless having Raymond around counts as Des taking care of himself?) He also probably almost died in Monte d’Or due to the heat.

Des beat up those guys who hurt Layton in UF. Listen, no one is allowed to hurt his bro except for him.

The first thing Des did after AL was visit Umid - after getting the much needed medical treatment. Because I absolutely love their interactions he promised to do so. It would be funny for him to show up in full costume as well.

Des eventually got used to Kietz (because the cat is now living with Raymond and Des. You cannot change my mind about that) At first he hated Kietz. Des is basically the old cat in the Bostonius that now has to get used to the new one lol

I know it was just the writers having no idea about Des’ backstory in LS but I still can’t stop thinking about how Hershel felt that Descole (in full costume) was familiar. So what if young Hershel Bronev actually liked to dress up in a costume similar to the Descole one? And that had left an impression on young Theo...

I also still cannot get over the fact that Des knows how to make Layton the perfect tea. Well, he had Raymond make it, but still. How does he know what kind Layton likes? Theory one: Layton’s taste hasn't changed from when they were kids. Theory two: He stalked observed Layton’s tea-drinking activities. Maybe he even posed as a waiter sometimes to find Layton’s favourite tea.

Des had kept track of how Layton was doing for a long time. He also was very close to introducing himself a couple of times. Obviously he never did. One reason why he decided against it was certainly to keep Layton away from everything. Des had given him the chance to live a peaceful life, so he obviously didn’t want to risk that. But that’s not all to it. Though Des hated himself for even feeling that, he was a bit jealous. It’s not that he regretted his decision from back then, but he still couldn’t help feeling that way. Plus, Hersh was a reminder of his past life. So while Des had his family that was another reason why he didn't approach - though in the beginning, he had actually thought even more about talking to Layton. However, Des had really tried to let go of his revenge and thus also his past - so Layton couldn't be a part of Sycamore's life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also couldn't help but think about their father whenever he looked at Hersh. He knows that’s not fair, but it’s what it is. The same way he thinks about Bronev whenever he sees his own eyes in the mirror. After his family’s death and after he became Descole he stopped approaching Hersh altogether and kept his distance. Not only because, again, he wanted to keep Layton out of all of this - even more so than before, because Des had already lost his family again, so losing Hersh was not an option (I write even though Des tried to kill Hersh himself hjasdjd)-, but also because he was afraid of how disappointed Layton would be were he to find out about all the things Descole had done. Des feared that he’d hate him.

Relating to one point in the previous point, Des absolutely hates mirrors. His reflection is bearable while being dressed as Descole, but he still avoids them like the plague. Even more so as AL Desmond. He also absolutely hates it when someone compliments his eyes - the thing he hates the most about his appearance.

Relating to that, I know Des’ glasses are just for show, but what if they are optical glasses nevertheless? Like, he cannot stand seeing clearly (especially since he ran into Bronev a couple of times and he absolutely doesn’t want to see that guy’s face). Maybe it’s also to help him distance himself even further from the others - especially Layton(?).

Des only possesses one photo of his family. It had been in his wallet when they died. I am just gonna assume Targent blew up his house, leaving Des with almost nothing. As much as he wishes to have the photo with him at all times, it's far too dangerous to do so while being Descole. Maybe Raymond keeps it safe? Or Des just keeps it in Desmond’s office? Maybe that was one of the things he actually liked while being Desmond again, at least he actually could carry the photo around this time.

Des lies a lot (obviously) - also to himself. (This is also me just trying to make his writing make more sense, since it often seemed to me he was written by 4+ people who didn't tell each other what they’ve written). I am thinking of that one bonus scene in MM where Des acts all empathetic towards Randall. “Just the thought of those poor parents, desperately looking for their own child.” That line does sound a lot like something Des himself knows too well… And then, one moment later, after Randall has left, Des just admits to himself that he’s just using Randall. (srsly writers??) I’m not saying that’s not right, because he’s certainly using him - no point in sugar-coating that - but he’s also very much trying to distance himself from Randall and his issues and reminding himself to focus on his goals and to not get distracted. Because Des does care. And I also think that he could have achieved his goal without Randall, but when he had learnt that Layton lost his best friend, Des tried everything in his power to get him back.

What is Des’ “true self”?

That is the one question I’m thinking about the most. It’s probably gonna get a bit complicated now… Let’s see if I can make my own words make sense (I really tried haha). For clarity's sake I’m gonna use three different names now: First, we have Des - the name I’m gonna use for the “true(est)” version of him - whoever that really is. Then we have Desmond - the AL Desmond Des “played” during AL. And, finally, there is Descole which is of course the Descole “role”.

Des has some serious identity issues - because of course he does. Descole started as a role (Des is even literally wearing a non-practical costume) that served a specific purpose. Des initially “created” Descole to have an outlet for all his rage and despair - and to get back at Targent without revealing himself. And I imagine some characteristics of Descole are things Des added, because he wanted Descole to appear a certain way different from how Des presented himself outside the costume. No one was to find who was behind the mask after all, so Descole had to act differently. Descole’s arrogance comes to mind, like that one just strikes me as not (fully) being Des himself. Des pretty much hates himself and blames himself for a lot of things. But Descole is also much more than a simple role. He’s very much a part of Des himself - it’s Des' own anger and his own feelings Descole is based on after all. Over the years, the lines between Des and Descole got more blurry. And now Des pretty much cannot tell the difference anymore between the things that make him him and the things he had just put into the Descole persona. So while Descole was initially based on parts of Des himself, over time Des truly lost himself in Descole who had become its own thing as well. Think method acting gone completely wrong - or right?

In a similar yet also opposite way, (AL) Desmond is also a role Des played during the game. Des said that he had just assumed Desmond’s identity again to get close to Layton and use him (which I don’t believe is 100% true, because I am convinced that a part of Des wanted to be saved. And also longed to see his brother again - and wanted Layton to like him), but it does make me think that Des mostly runs around as Descole. Obviously Des had kept the Desmond persona alive enough for Desmond to be regarded as a world-famous archeologist. But then again, it clearly doesn’t matter in the PL-universe if people don’t do their jobs.

I still do not know how much of Desmond is the “true” Desmond. Even if Des based Desmond on how he used to be with his family, there’s still the question how close Des actually comes to that. Memories can be deceiving and I doubt Des remembers exactly how he used to be. So maybe Desmond’s speaking style, his mannerism could be an act instead of that being Des’ true (past) self. Or which I like better, it’s a confusing mix between “lie” and “truth”. Some things are exaggerated (people tend to romanticize the past, so even with his family Des(mond) might not have been as nice as he presents himself to be as AL Desmond). Some aspects are more or less really Des(mond) and some other things are just stuff Des added to the Desmond role - consciously or not.

Let’s take this thought even further. When Des tried to leave his revenge behind and concentrate on his family, was that Des(mond) really his true(est) self? Or did Des play a role during that time as well (at least partly)? Des cannot let go. That has been shown throughout the games. So while he had tried to put Targent behind him, he might not have been able to do that completely. Thus he buried some things deep inside him and concentrated on “playing” Desmond Sycamore. Who might be the person he wished to be(?).

Long story short, I think that maybe AL Desmond is an idealised version of the Desmond Des used to be. Des acted like how he used to be while his family was still alive - or as much as possible, since he absolutely cannot let go of the pain completely. So his AL Desmond appearance could also be how he had looked like back then. I honestly do not even know if AL Desmond is the “true face” under the mask. Or if Desmond is also kind of like a “costume”. His appearance could be inaccurate as to how present Des really looks like. Descole’s character model also makes no sense. Like the hair that is sometimes visible doesn’t really look like Desmond’s most of the time after all. So is Descole wearing another wig? Is Desmond? I kind of like the idea that Des met Layton with his true appearance, so I’m on the fence here. Maybe he’s not wearing a wig, but extensions?I very much like the idea of Des appearing with his true face though… So I am kind of reluctant to have Desmond look too different from Des. Plus, Layton could have noticed if Desmond was in fact wearing a wig and that might have made Layton suspicious. But maybe Des dyed his hair a bit, and/or is wearing extensions? Maybe he actually already has grey hair, who knows. I certainly don’t.

However, I also believe that Desmond is far less of a role than Des probably thinks/admits. Over the course of the game, he might have lost himself in the Desmond role in a similar way to how he has lost himself in Descole.

Des' time as AL Desmond changed him for sure. And he does act differently as Descole after he changed into the costume than in the previous games. (I’m gonna make a whole separate post about how the German version uses different forms of politeness - and Des does speak rather … strange/different after his revelation than in other games… Again, I know that that’s just the writers being the writers, but where is the fun in that?)

Present day Des has probably no idea who his true self is anymore… Him “playing” Desmond further complicated things. Which parts did he make up, which parts are truly him? I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that… But that also makes Des so fascinating to me. I also really wonder what name he prefers after AL…

As much as I like the idea that Des himself came up with the plan to approach Layton as Desmond, I also very much like the idea that it had been Raymond instead who had suggested it. Raymond probably has to listen to a lot of Des’ angry rants. And after hearing another one about Layton seeing through one of Des’ disguises, Raymond came up with the idea to just go as himself next time. Partly also because Raymond knows Des better than anyone else and he knows how much Des longs to see his brother again - even if Des himself doesn’t admit that.

Des has acquired quite a lot of scars over the years… He does fall down a lot, so it’s bound to happen. He was probably wearing a fair bit of makeup in AL to hide some of them - in addition to his visible lack of sleep. Speaking of, I don’t think Des slept all that much during AL. He probably has nightmares that wake him up screaming. No way he could (or would want to) explain that to the others. Maybe that’s what he has been doing while he was not with the gang. He was taking a much needed nap… Or ...

… or he goes into the one room in the Bostonius that’s completely sound-proof (because that surely exists) and just screams (and cries) for a bit. In full Descole costume. He cannot bear being Desmond and being around the others at all times. He needs to have an outlet for his emotions.

Des really tried to retain his (emotional) distance from everyone in AL. I noticed that in the beginning he hardly ever said anything while I was clicking everything (and I hope believe that I’ve really clicked everything for potential Des dialogue). But he says more over time. It also takes a long time for him to talk about his family. So maybe that’s him slowly warming up to the others. Des was also probably still figuring out how to be Desmond (again). In a way, I think Desmond was one of his easiest yet also his most challenging role he ever had to “play”. No one is more familiar to him and yet also a total stranger. Plus, he had to be extra careful not to reveal too much. Can’t have been easy (which is why he needed to go scream for a bit sometimes).

He feels immensely guilty about caring for Aurora. He was especially reluctant to get closer to her, but he also just couldn't help caring for her. Because she reminded him of his daughter. He just feels very conflicted as he got more and more attached to her, not only because he knew he would eventually betray her, but he felt like in caring for Aurora he was betraying his daughter in a way… This guilt could apply to Flora as well when he eventually meets her.

One day after AL he found the Popoño he had bought for Aurora. He keeps it close ever since.

His revenge is achieved after AL, so there should be no reason for Descole to continue existing. But I don’t think Des will be able to let go of Descole right away. The AL ending shows that anyway. I feel him putting the mask back on in his last scene makes sense for him. He still cannot bring himself to leave Descole behind and he also very much still cannot bear to see his father’s eyes whenever he looks in a mirror. It would have been too sudden for him to just put all the pain behind him. Des’ revenge was basically also the one thing that defined his whole life. And Descole has been a part of his life for a long time as well - the pain and anger that led to Des creating Descole have been inside Des long before his family got killed. I can’t imagine it easy to just let go of all of that. Des is truly lost at the end of AL. He has lost his purpose, the one thing that made him go on. And he needs to figure out who he is himself. Even more so after his whole posing as Desmond again. I like to think that Des will be able to let go of Descole eventually, but that will be a slow process and not something that’s gonna happen overnight. Instead he’ll probably put on the costume fewer and fewer times until, eventually, Descole just disappears. Maybe he’ll stop when he runs out of costumes lol. No matter what, it’s gonna be a long road for Des to be able to heal… (And he should totally go get back to Layton and apologise to Layton and to a loooooot of other people and then they both go to therapy)

#well that descoleated quickly I guess...#finally answered after a long time - sorry for the wait #thank you so so much for the ask - I obviously love rambling about my dear Des <3 #I really hope this makes sense #I struggled a lot with certain parts (especially that super long Who is Des anyway? part)#headcanons aka me rambling on and on about Des <3 #I have a LOT of thoughts about him #jean descole #professor layton #professor layton spoilers #azran legacy spoilers #Descole breaks tumblr #tastelesstetrahedronthings

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fallenrepublick · 4 years

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Could you do a Thrawn x reader where the reader gets fatally hurt on a mission? Maybe they weren’t supposed to come along but they snuck along anyways? I’m in the mood for some angst!

Oh, anon, you don’t know what you’ve unleashed here on this day...

I’ve been nice to you all, given you angst wrapped in little bows of fluff, ending things on good notes for the sake of your emotions. But no, not this time.

Behold, after all this time..... an angst fic, with no resolution.

Warnings: Just fighting ;)

Trust, one of the many aspects that relationships rest on to succeed, is differently earned depending on the type of person you seek it from. On this, most can agree. Some people, mostly those who’ve not often been betrayed or still cling to hope that their loyalties are not misplaced, trust easily. To earn their trust is an easy thing, and sometimes their naivety brings about their downfall, only for them to pick up once more and do the same thing all over again. Other people are more difficult to get through to, their jaded personalities and stubborn perspectives creating a sort of barrier that only those who prove their loyalties may find themselves on the right side of. And then… there was Thrawn.

Skeptical by nature, he wasn’t one known to “trust” others. Ask anyone, and they’d say the only thing close to it was being expected to complete a task, and nothing more. All things considered, it made sense, and many of the imperial officers in those positions didn’t seem to have the best track record on performing the way they should have been, and he had little reason to go outside professionalism and develop any close friendships.

That was the way everyone else saw it, at least. As his personal advisor and the one he explained, “maintains the most consistent and viable amount of common sense” in comparison to your colleagues, he was never found without you. And this, he found, made it much easier to love you.

Amongst others, you were at his side out of necessity, providing input and suggestions where it was needed in relation to the task at hand. Amongst each other, you were at his side out of a desire, his attachment to you clear, and admiration for you present in every moment he watched you move. It was a language only the two of you knew, and it was the way you wanted to keep it.

Which was why, when Thrawn announced his closest upcoming mission and who would be coming with him, you were shocked, and almost hurt, that you were not a part of it. You couldn’t share this sentiment among the officers that crowded the room, but Thrawn noted your silence throughout the rest of the meeting. He had little time to act on it, though, for once you were alone, you made your displeasure known.

“You’re leaving me here,” you said accusingly, crossing your arms in disdain. “You never leave me here. What is it?”

Thrawn sighed, and standing from his chair, walked around the curvature of his desk to where you stood. “This mission is… different, darling,” he explained, voice gentle and patient, despite your unwavering displeasure. “There are many reasons I chose not to have you come.”

“Oh yeah? How different? What reasons?” You leaned forward, bringing your face close to his as a sort of challenge.

“When combating Jedi, there are many unknown factors,” he said simply, maintaining your eye contact, practically answering your challenge. “To allow you on that battlefield would not only be an unnecessary risk, but it would also be irresponsible. I trust you to take care of things here in my stead.”

At the time, you had agreed, the last part of his admission to you instilling a small amount of guilt that you couldn’t help but give in to. But when the day came for him to leave, his figure receding into the cavern of his ship, it was almost on instinct that you climbed yourself in as well, holing yourself up in a utility closet that seemed to have the least probability of being accessed by any of the crew members.

The distance travelled proved considerably smaller than what you were anticipating, and after about three hours of you wondering if you had just made a bad life decision, the ship left hyperspace, approaching a planet that, from your position in the closet, was all but unknown to you.

The sounds of the crewmembers outside your door scrambling across the floors as they attempted to prepare for landing sent a surge of anxiety through you, and it took all you had not to simply leap out and reveal yourself. Instead, however, you waited, listening until their steps were but faint echoes in the distance, before you opened the door and stepped out, the silence of the now-empty ship providing a momentary peace before you left to face whatever immense danger Thrawn had wanted to protect you from.

The ramp was still lowered for easy access if an escape was necessary, and you tread down it carefully, attempting to prevent the soles of your feet from clanging against the metal too loudly. Far off, fire was being exchanged, and the lights from blaster bolts illuminating their surroundings suggested the combat to be more intensive than if they were simply combating a group of rebels. No, Thrawn had been right. They were Jedi.

Jedi, surely not the type that were spoken about in stories of the past. If that were the case, the troopers would not be lasting this long. These Jedi, or whatever you’d call them nowadays, were fools tricked into believing they could measure up or make a difference. That being said, a laser sword is still a laser sword.

Making your way around the buildings of the damaged village, you spotted Thrawn amongst the chaos, blue skin a dead giveaway against the glow of red that was raining from the blasters of the people among him. He had a plan. He always did. But the fact he hadn’t told it to you made your heart utterly sink, and the strange inkling that something would go awry seemed to grasp hold of your mind relentlessly as you watched the conflict play out.

You had to help him. You wanted to help him, and at this point, you had come too far to simply stand around and watch this happen. Him seeing you was the least of your worries. So you crept behind your territory, ducking behind blockades as needed and finding shielding behind the environment as you progressed further down the front. And as such, it was inevitable that Thrawn saw you.

His expression changed within an instant from frustration to abject horror as he watched you approach, dust and dirt clinging to your normally crisp uniform and speckling your face. Pressing his back up against the barrier, he turned his attention to you fully, pulling your arm towards him so that you were on your knees at his side.

“What,” he hissed, anger lacing his voice. “Do you think you are doing here?”

“Normally, you trust me with information,” you began as he turned periodically to send a few blasts back to the rebels. “But you dodged telling me basically everything about this mission. I’m here to find out why.”

“That’s it?” He was growing increasingly more frustrated, and even as you turned with your own blaster, taking multiple shots at your enemies, it was clear you were not going to be here long if he had any say in it. “I gave you an order.”

“Not formally.”

You noticed him bite the inside of his lip to keep himself from saying the thing on his mind. Even then, though, you could practically hear it.

You’re lucky I love you.

Across the battlefield stood the two Jedi, the ones it seemed everyone nowadays was hunting. That didn’t stop you from leaning out and aiming straight for them, which in turn, did not stop them from blocking your blaster bolt and redirecting it straight through your side.

It was a shock, to be sure, the initial contact of the bolt sending a surge through your body as you fell backwards, the concrete hitting your spine and making the wound sting even more than it already did. Remaining still, the pain subsided, only for it to shoot through your body once again if you tried to move.

It was then that you noticed Thrawn had dropped his blaster entirely. Sliding his hand under your neck, he raised your head slightly, bringing it to rest on his legs as he knelt at your side. You could hear him saying your name, an urgency in it that only made you more afraid at what had happened. It was difficult to process, though. The sounds around you had dimmed to white noise, and you were left with only the voice in your head and the hum of Thrawn’s voice, indistinct, but identifiable.

“Darling, look at me,” he directed, his hand holding your cheek to turn your face. Your eyes were clenched shut, a strange instinct as you tried to numb the pain or at least block it out. “Please, open your eyes, look at me.”

His pleads echoing in your ears, you obliged him, if only for his reassurance. As you did, he called a lower officer, ordering him to bring a medic now. The Jedi were no longer a priority.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be alright.” His eyes never moved from yours, constantly monitoring how well you were keeping your consciousness. It was not very well.

“You’ll be alright, just stay awake, please…” HIs impatience was growing. The medic hadn’t yet arrived. “Just look at me. Stay awake. Please. Please.”

#haven't done something this messed up in ages #felt good if i'm being honest #grand admiral thrawn #grand admiral thrawn x reader #grand admiral thrawn x you #thrawn #thrawn x reader #star wars x reader #star wars x you

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sunflowers-insherwood · 3 years

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Allan A Dale Analysis - 2x05

Analysing Allan’s Experience of the Confrontation with Robin in Ducking and Diving

As I was writing my analysis on Allan in 2x06 (which is coming tomorrow!), I realised it was necessary to first investigate this confrontation between him and Robin, as it changes their relationship massively and sows the seeds for the motivations behind their actions in the next episode. This is a quite casual line by line analysis of their conversation in the bar at the end of 2x05 (Ducking and Diving), and is quite speculative, as I outline my theories but also alternative interpretations – mainly of Allan’s viewpoint. I wrote out the transcript for this conversation myself, so the punctuation is intended to show more the pauses/ emotions rather than be grammatically correct. Let’s dive straight in! (Wordcount: 3.5k)

X = owner of the Tripp Inn, A = Allan, R = Robin

X: You’re late, I was going to keep your money back. Silver, not gold.

As soon as Allan walks into the room, he looks to the back corner and all around to ensure Robin isn’t there already to find him. He’s on edge and doesn’t want to be found, but now trying to do the right thing.

A: You’re gonna tell Gisborne to keep this money. I’m not doing this anymore, alright, I’ve changed.

I’m never sure what to make of the motives behind Allan’s actions here. To me, his actions are more of someone realising that their time’s up: he’s a rat on a sinking ship trying to cover his tracks before it goes under. This obviously paints him in a pretty bad light, as the only reason he’s stopping being a spy is because he’s about to get caught. I find this more believable than a realisation that he’s actually done wrong, however, because I doubt that if he hadn’t felt threatened he wouldn’t have tried to stop working for Gisborne then. I think he would have eventually, but it would’ve taken him longer to realise the severity of his actions. Alternatively, the reactions of the others and his conversation with Djaq have sped up his realisation process significantly and he’s genuinely guilty about what he’s done. Perhaps it’s a mix of both. On top of this, if he thought it was certain he would get thrown out by Robin, I think his survival instincts would tell him to keep the money and run. He refuses it, signifying he feels really guilty about what he’s done, or that he thinks he can still get away with it at camp. Maybe he intends to refuse the money, and then tell Robin he was working for Gisborne afterwards, to prove that he’s stopped being a spy.

X: It’s a bit late for a conscience now isn’t it?

A: Yeah. Very late.

Again, this could mean two things: that he knows he’s almost about to be caught, or that he genuinely feels bad and knows that he’s been playing the double agent for too long. I’m more able to believe the first but I think even if you see him as simply covering his tracks, the sincerity of how this line is delivered implies there is an emotional conflict going down here too.

*Arrow fires into bag of money. X gasps*

A: Robin. *swallows* You’re early.

I think of this as an attempt at humour, perhaps more to himself than anyone else as he says it so quietly. Classically the comic relief of the gang (when Much fulfils this function it’s accidental in his sincerity, Allan is more purposefully cheeky chappy about it) he’s still trying to lighten the situation and break the silence. Robin doesn’t allow it and Allan instantly has to go to defend.

R: Leave us.

A: Stay there.

This is an indicator of just how scared Allan is of what Robin will do to him – he wants the bartender to stay there as a form of protection, as a witness to anything Robin might try to do to him, under the theory that with someone else there Robin won’t hurt him so badly. Allan feels completely cornered, as he knows he can’t really blag his way out of this situation and that Robin would probably overpower him in a fight. Does Allan think he’s about to die? Quite possibly.

R: GET OUT! I need to talk to my spy.

A: What was that with Will? You banished Will.

Allan’s first thoughts are on Will. This could be (again) interpreted in two ways: he’s purely confused about the situation and is trying to work out where Robin stands, or he’s genuinely concerned for his best mate in the gang (which is the interpretation I prefer, although I think it’s a mixture of both). We see how torn up Allan becomes when Robin accuses Will of being the spy that afternoon – he almost admits to being the spy then as he cries ‘no…’ and ‘Robin…’ when he hears Robin explain it was Will, hating the idea that Will would be accused on his behalf. Even if he’s willing to sacrifice the cause, he’s still loyal to his friends, or at least tries to be. It actually benefitted Robin to frame Will as the spy, as Allan and him are so close; I know this was a random choice but it actually worked to Robin’s advantage, making Allan feel worse and acting as an extra punch in the gut.

R: It was an act! Only she knew who was guilty. And I knew the spy would want to come here before me to cover his tracks. For all I knew, it could’ve been Will standing there. But it’s not. Is it? It’s you.

On a related sidenote, @chaoticbitheatrekid recently mentioned ‘i don’t know if this is just me, but i always felt that if Robin had to pick one member of the gang to get rid of, he would pick Allan’. Although he says here ‘for all I knew, it could’ve been Will standing there’, to me the ‘but it’s not… it’s you’ indicates that, maybe if he didn’t consciously think it was Allan, to him Allan was the most likely to betray the gang.

A: Robin, it was over, ask her! I made a decision.

Robin interprets Allan’s presence here as I did, as Allan trying to ‘cover his tracks’. However, Allan did come here purely to reject the money, and he has a point here: if Robin asked the bartender, he would find out Allan was giving it back. I don’t think this would matter to Robin even if he did ask however, as he would purely view it as Allan trying to save himself rather than the more sympathetic view that he’s genuinely regretful.

R: Then what’s this?

A: No, I was giving it back.

This is true, but again Robin doesn’t investigate it any further. He consistently refuses to listen to Allan’s side of the story – something that Allan will become extremely bitter for later.

R: So you betray me. You betray yourself, you betray your king, and for what. For a few silver coins. What have you told Gisborne, Allan?

Another example of the differences between Robin and Allan’s priorities: Robin’s mind almost instantly goes to the King, a person I don’t think crossed Allan’s mind during this entire process. Perhaps ignorantly (or he’s decided to ignore the idea), he’s assumed the only thing his betrayal will impact is the gang’s immediate success. He can’t see the bigger picture that Robin strives towards, as his motivations for being in the gang are less to help other people (which I think he enjoys, but wasn’t the reason he joined) and more as a fun way of survival among friends. Robin also mentions (in true teacher fashion) that Allan has betrayed himself, indicating that Robin did believe Allan was a good person, perhaps especially due to his progression from a shameless liar at the start of series 1 to a pretty sturdy friend in series 2. Allan’s actions could almost be viewed as a relapse into the lies and pickpocketing associated with his brother. Interestingly, Robin doesn’t mention the rest of the gang at all here, implying that he sees Allan’s betrayal as a direct attack on him and the King. Allan begins to internalise this view in 2x06, but I think if he were to explain who he betrayed, he would only mention the gang.

A: Mmm… nothing really.

Allan seems almost awkward here. ‘Nothing really’ is obviously his attempt to diminish what he’s done to appeal to Robin, but also furthers the idea that doesn’t think he’s done anything too serious (he knows betraying the gang was serious, but doesn’t think the outcomes have been that bad), and that he never had intentions for his betrayals to impact more than the gang’s monetary success. This wasn’t helped by Guy reassuring Allan when he agreed to working for him that nothing he said would be of any real weight to the people or wider actions of the gang.

R: Does he know about the camp?

A: No.

R: No. Does he know about Marian?

A: No!

Allan’s reactions to this part of his interrogation further the theory that he really didn’t think he was impacting much outside of the gang’s money – he grows almost appalled at the idea of telling the location of the camp and Marian’s secrets to Gisborne, like they never even crossed his mind, or they were so out of the question that he never would have imagined telling him. He seems offended by Robin’s insinuation that he would betray the gang so greatly, that Robin’s idea of him is so low that he thinks Allan would sell the very safety of his friends for money. Robin’s assuming of the worst instantly is another action that Allan will grow to hate later, and although it is harsh, in Robin’s defence he is quickly ensuring the safety of his gang, not only accusing Allan. Their fighting is entirely based on a lack of proper communication and interpretation. If not loyal to the cause, Allan is loyal to the people he loves, and that can be seen by his repeated protection of Marian in the later episodes. He never tries to harm any of the gang apart from Robin (2x06), but I think that is due to loosing part of his love and respect for Robin in this confrontation. If he doesn’t lose it directly, he definitely projects Robin’s hatred of him onto Robin and villainises him until he feels justified in attacking him later.

R: More lies?

A: NO. This was the last time, I promise. And I was wrong. But he captured me, Robin, he tortured me, I didn’t have a choice-

You can hear how earnest Allan is on that final no. I guess Robin, in the midst of his anger and paranoia, can’t read just how truthful he is being. But I don’t think I’d be able to either, to be honest. Robin then interrupts him from speaking, actively talking over Allan rather than listening.

R: EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE. Everything we do!

Up until Robin says this, Allan has been purely defending his corner and reassuring Robin of everything he hasn’t done, and trying to get back on the same page – but when Robin diminishes his experiences of being captured and tortured, Allan flips and instead starts on the attack. You can see this change happen as he takes a second to think, eyes narrowing with offence as he thinks of what to say back. And what Allan said next has a point, Robin is in a place of privilege as the leader of the gang because if he gets captured, he’s never left for long enough to get tortured, and the Sheriff prefers to go straight to threatening to kill him anyway. He’s too prized a prisoner to be treated badly. Allan’s experiences of being caught are very different: he was left for hours, unsure if anyone would come and rescue him, while being pretty consistently tortured both physically and emotionally. (It’s also interesting that Allan doesn’t tell anyone anything while being physically hurt, but once Gisborne starts preying on his insecurities, he’s bought quite quickly. He is exhausted at that point but it looks like Allan is emotionally hurting more than he lets on to the rest of the gang. Also, he makes it explicitly clear that he isn’t going to help with killing anyone or giving away condemning information, it’s only when Gisborne brings up the idea of little bits of information he becomes swayed. The way to get to Allan is by convincing him what he’s doing isn’t actually harming anyone, actually showing he’s good at heart.) When Robin tells him ‘everything is a choice’, Allan sees it as a complete disregard of the position of hardships he’s been in. Robin’s lecturing him on morals, but in his eyes, Robin has never been/ will never be in the same difficult position as he was. Before that statement by Robin, Allan’s been feeling guilty, and been reaching out to reconnect with Robin – but at the dismissal of his experiences, Allan’s guilt turns to anger.

A: That’s easy for you to say though, isn’t it, huh? You get the glory, you get the girl. Everyone loves you. And then when the King comes back you’ll get lands, property, a wife, EVERYTHING. And what will I have? You are always in the sun, Robin, and I am always in the shade.

I’ll cover this more in the 2x06 analysis, but Allan’s biggest fears are being in pain, deprived, and without security. This outburst is actually one of Allan’s most vulnerable moments (looks like he’s only able to admit to his fears in anger) as he shows all of his insecurities by stating everything Robin has that Allan wishes he did. These play on his being deprived – ‘you get the glory, you get the girl’, ‘what will I have?’ – and being without security – ‘and then when the King comes back you’ll get lands, property, a wife’. As much as Allan enjoys being in the gang, he knows that it cannot be sustained for long and worries about what will happen to him after it ends and, he assumes, everyone goes their separate ways.

R: Is that meant to be an excuse. Heh?

In his anger, Robin misses the vulnerability in Allan’s side of the story. (To be fair to Robin, if I just found out someone I trusted completely had been selling important secrets to my arch nemesis, I’d be blinded by anger too.) But because Allan’s only way of showing vulnerability is by attacking Robin, and Robin takes the attack personally, he misses the insecurities behind Allan’s motivation by taking what he says as an excuse, not a reason. In this moment, Robin exerts his fury physically, pushing Allan up against a wall and shaking him – Allan sees no way out and begins to work on the defences again, realising he can’t gain anything but further disconnect by attacking Robin.

A: Give me another chance, please. I wouldn’t have let Gisborne hurt any of us, I’d never have told him anything like that.

I think this plea makes Allan looks particularly weak, as we see him switching tactics the second he realises one isn’t working (showing how clever he actually is), but also insinuating how happy to shift the truth he is in order to get what he wants. It makes him look almost cowardly, and in Robin’s eyes just furthers the mistrust, as he ricochets from an attack to a plea for forgiveness. However, it’s also a truthful admission by Allan of what he wouldn’t do and where he very firmly draws the line.

R: Harmless lies, innocent betrayals? They don’t exist, Allan!

Robin’s morals are consistently a lot stricter than Allan’s, and at their relationship’s best, this leads to Allan being inspired and positively influenced by him, but at its worst creates conflict and leads Robin to believe he is better than Allan, lecturing him on what is right (see 2x06).

A: Robin, I’ve changed. How can I get you to believe that?

I see ‘Robin, I’ve changed’ as an agreement with Robin that ‘harmless lies’ and ‘innocent betrayals’ don’t exist, but as Allan has only just realised the severity and extent of the actions he believed to be harmless until so recently, he shows his agreement through saying his beliefs have changed. He’s still reaching out to maintain his connection and trust with Robin and in turn, the gang. (I think if it hadn’t been Robin who had gone to the Tripp Inn, it would’ve been a very different outcome. Much would’ve been similar to Robin, casting him out immediately, but taking the betrayal very personally. John would’ve been really angry but I think Allan would’ve perhaps been able to talk him down. Will has a wicked temper for Allan to reckon with, and I think as Will and Allan are so close and Will’s morals so strong, he would be quite personally offended too, so Allan would struggle to win him over, but after some time to cool off Will would’ve heard Allan’s side of the story. Djaq says multiple times she believes Allan is a good man and could have changed, so would’ve listened to his entire story and possibly even let him stay if she believed him. As the leader of the group, Robin sees the gang as his responsibility to keep safe, hence having to be extra harsh in order to make sure they are protected.)

R: You can’t. And the funny thing is, you might be telling the truth.

Here, Robin shows he is aware of how blunt he’s being with Allan, but has so little trust for him he can’t even begin to think he’s telling the truth. He admits that Allan could be being truthful, but that he’s refusing to give him a chance anyway. In 2x06, as Allan becomes highly bitter, saying ‘you should’ve given me a second chance’, it’s likely largely in reference to this moment, where Robin refuses to even consider his viewpoint. For now though, Allan is still trying to regain Robin’s trust.

A: I am!

R: And how am I supposed to believe you anymore?

A: Robin, I swear to you, on my life.

*Robin holds knife up to neck*

A: Don’t kill me. Please.

I don’t think Allan comes across particularly well within this conversation, but the only reason he’s acting in a way that can be seen as cowardly is because he’s doing what he can to fight for his life the entire time, shown as he at first asks the bartender to stay, and coming to a peak here as Robin presses the blade to his throat. His attempts to stay alive have to be spoken, as he knows Robin would overpower him and there’s nowhere to run. His fears of what Robin would do to him are confirmed and in this moment, he truly has no idea whether Robin will kill him or not.

*Robin jerks knife away*

Woohoo Robin doesn’t kill him!

R: You are lucky I’ve left you with a life to swear upon. Never, ever, let me set eyes on you again.

This kind of insinuates Robin thought Allan deserved to die, or at least deserved a worst punishment than just being told to never come back to camp. As we see in the next episode, this doesn’t go to plan and essentially forms the basis for Allan’s further descent and the height of their physical conflict, which is in 2x06.

*Robin stalks away, Allan is left to feel sorry for himself*

TO SUMMARISE:

- Robin continually refuses to listen to Allan’s explanations, instead seeing them as excuses

- He dismisses Allan’s experiences of being captured and tortured, instead lecturing him on morals that Allan thinks he can’t afford to have (this is the biggest hurt for Allan, I think – the complete dismissal of his experiences)

- Robin’s quick to assume Allan would betray the gang completely (admittedly it’s better to be safe than sorry in these situations)

- He knows he could give Allan a second chance but doesn’t even consider it, and tells Allan this (a major catalyst for Allan’s anger in 2x06)

- He separates Allan from the gang, meaning Allan can’t go back to camp to collect his items, and can’t explain to his friends his side of the story; they will only hear it through Robin, furthering the bias against him

- Allan tries to reconnect and reassure Robin, only attacking him once and playing defence the rest of the time

- He came to the Inn to cover his tracks but also to return the money, implying he’s doing everything he can to stay with the gang – and whatever the motive, he was about to stop working for Gisborne

- Allan didn’t think his betrayals were as severe as they were, he never imagined telling Gisborne anything more than when they were planning on targeting a certain area

- Allan and Robin’s inability to listen and respond to one another properly leads to a worsening of the situation and drives them both to the actions of 2x06, as Allan becomes more bitter as he reflects on the conversation and Robin still doesn’t understand Allan’s motivations properly

Thank you so much for reading if you’ve made it this far, I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know your hot takes and interpretations too – did I miss anything? My analysis on 2x06 is coming tomorrow so keep an eye out for that :)

#allan a dale #robin hood #bbc robin hood #character analysis #robin of locksley #ducking and diving #allan a dale analysis

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jisungsmochi · 4 years

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not my boyfriend - na jaemin

sort of based off the ariana grande song ‘boyfriend, but also sorta based off this post soo yah.

summary: it was just harmless fun, until feelings got involved and emotions were in whirl wind. but he wasn’t your boyfriend, despite how badly you wanted him to be. you wanted to cherish moments in life, but na jaemin challenged the nature of these moments.

lots of mentions of making out (i’m an innocent baby so no suggestive stuff hehe) some angst, ALOT OF FLUFF WOOO

words: 6.5k (oh she long long i’m so sorry its probably poorly written and there’s probably some mistakes woops)

p.s: please feel free to send in requests because i honestly can’t think of many ideas hehe. now enjoy this imagine!!

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it was one stupid mistake. a mistake that led to one of the most confusing situations of your life. a harmless game of seven minutes in heaven, at lee jeno’s 18th birthday party, involved you, and acquaintance, na jaemin, making out for four of those minutes.

once the bottle head landed towards you, your eyes widened in shock. not because you didn’t want to play the game, but because of who had spun the bottle. jaemin smirked, his eyes landing on you.

“shall we?, i mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to” he shrugged, playing it off.

“of course she has to! it’s no fun if she backs out of it!” haechan grumbled, everyone ignoring his comment due to his drunk demeanour.

you rolled your eyes at the drunk boy, slightly shoving him so that he fell to his side. you stood up, jaemin following your actions as you both moved to the closet under jeno’s staircase.

once you both had situated yourselves in the closet, you decided to start small talk.

“pretty romantic huh?” you joked, watching as he fiddled with the sleeves of his denim jacket.

“uh yeah i guess” he furrowed his eyebrows at you, not breaking eye contact.

“so are we actually going to do this?” you didn’t mean to come off as nervous, but how could you not?

na jaemin was arguably one of the most popular boys in the grade, and you were locked in this closet, with six minutes left on the clock.

you two used to be friends, of some sort during primary school, but drifted due to difference in cliques. you both silently had each other’s backs, always waving or just smiling at eachother in the hallways. but this was all new to you. so what if you kissed him? would things even change?

“we don’t have much time, i’m just going to kiss you, and you can choose to continue, alright?” jaemin stepped closer to you, supporting your sides as your back leaned against the wall. you didn’t know where this sudden burst of confidence came from but your heart beat wasn’t slowing down anytime soon. you nodded slowly, his hands reached to cup the side of your face. his lips lingering slightly, before flashing you another smirk and pressing your lips together. your hands instinctively reached for his shoulders, giving them a slight squeeze, before he pulled away abruptly.

you needed a moment to process what just had happened mere seconds ago. you wanted to kiss him again, the remaining 5 minutes wasn’t enough. you pulled his shoulders closer, his lips landing on your again, as you continued what he had started. it was messy, but it felt good, you couldn’t deny it. his hands roamed your sides as you played with his hair. you didn’t want it to stop.

a knock on the door interrupted you two,

“1 minute to go!”

you both pulled away, trying to regain some sense of what had just occurred.

“i uh, that was, really good” you muttered, wiping at the sides of your mouth.

“yeah it was, i would like to do it again sometime” he spoke barely above a whisper.

“wait what? do you like me or something?” god you felt so stupid, after his reply.

“uh no, but i like the way you kiss me. it’s kinda hot. if you ever want to do it again, just hit me up. kinda like friends with benefits, but not with the actual sexual acts” he came closer to you, his hand stroking your hair softly.

his proposition went against all of your morals as a person. why would you make out with someone you aren’t dating? it was so bizarre. you couldn’t wrap your head around it.

“so what you’re saying is that, we can make out and stuff but we aren’t going to be boyfriend and girlfriend?” you needed to clarify, incase this was some weird prank.

“yeah pretty much, i think you’re cute and all but i’m just not into that whole dating thing.” he shrugged before continuing “how about this, meet me at the back gates after school on tuesday, if you have thought it over and agree”

you bit your lip consciously. he was giving you a choice.

“and times up!!” jeno opened the door, eyes landing on the awkward position of you leaning against the wall with jaemin folding his arms and smirking.

“think about it, i kinda hope you say yes” jaemin turned to you before shooting you a smile and walking to join the rest of the group. he left you struck with confusion.

what has he done?

later that night when you were in bed, your mind drifted to that moment. the more you thought about it, you realised that jaemin hasn’t actually been in a serious relationship. he did have one last year but, it was clearly one sided, leaving the poor girl in shattered pieces. jaemin wasn’t completely heartless, from what you were aware of, he was just unable to commit to anything really. he wasn’t a bad person, at least, you truly hoped he wasn’t. if you were to agree to his bizarre proposition, how would that reflect you as a person? you continued to think to yourself, what if people found out? would that affect both of your reputations? and the final question that kept occurring, would you end up falling for him?

you still weren’t sure if this was a risk you were willing to take. so on the next monday, the day before you were to tell him if you had agreed, you tried to approach him, to test the extent of your classmate relationship. he was standing alone, leaning against a wall outside of a classroom. you debated whether or not to approach him, or just walk past smoothly and see if he approached you instead. you decided to go with the first option as the second seemed to be a bit of a stretch.

“hey! jaemin” you smiled at him widely, watching as he looked up from his phone and slid it into his jacket pocket.

“oh hey y/n, how are you?” he politely spoke, crossing his arms while shooting you a small grin.

“i’m good, uh are you waiting for someone?” you leaned over his shoulder to see inside the classroom.

“ah yeah, jeno is asking some questions and is taking longer than expected. at this rate he may as well just stay there for the whole lunch break” jaemin rolled his eyes.

you nodded, unsure of how to continue. you really didn’t think this through that well.

“not to be rude, but why are you talking to me right now? i mean, we haven’t spoken to eachother at school since like, the eighth grade” he chuckled softly, causing you to become speechless. how were you meant to say that you wanted to bait him into talking to you before you confirmed your crazy decision to agree to being his secret kissing buddy?

“oh yeah i know, i just uh, since the party and everything i thought we should just start talking again. if that’s okay with you” you avoided giving him eye contact, opting to stare at his shoes, which were quite clean with barely any marks.

“that’s okay with me, considering we will be spending a lot of time alone, right?” his words caught you off guard. were you being too obvious? too desperate?

“uhh what do you mean by that?” you played along, feeling the heat in your cheeks rise.

“you know what i mean, the deal still stands. tomorrow. back gates. hope to see you” he winks before, as if on cue, jeno bursts out of the classroom.

“why do we need to use geometry? it’s pointless” he groans before noticing you.

“oh hi y/n! wanna join us for lunch?” he smiled at you softly.

“it’s okay, thank you for the offer, bye guys!” you quickly blurted before turning and walking away swiftly. damn na jaemin and his good charisma. it almost sealed the deal.

the end of school on tuesday, signalled a moment of uneasiness for you. after placing your books into your bag, you made your way through the halls. many students rushing to get home, but you, were debating on where to go. as you trailed to the back exit of the school, your heart was pounding. you didn’t want to regret anything in your life, but this was a massive gamble. it would have been safe to say that when you were kids, you did have a silly crush on jaemin. but that came naturally, almost every girl in your fifth grade class had a crush on him. he was grown now. taller, more reserved, more handsome. you did want to kiss him again. you really did. but was it worth all of this?

jaemin’s figure came in sight, he was tapping away on his phone, probably playing some mobile game. he didn’t notice you initially until you were centimetres away from him.

“you scared me” he jolted back a bit before letting out a soft chuckle. he locked his phone before making eye contact with you.

“i’m assuming you’ve thought it over” he got straight to the point. you clearly weren’t the only one thinking about it.

“yeah, i have. and, i do want to take you up on the offer” you began, feeling anxious on his response. “but not without some concerns!” you avoided looking at him, but still felt his eyes focused on you.

“we can only make out in private, given that you don’t want it to seem we’re in a relationship and all” you began, looking over at him to make sure he was listening. he nodded gently at your words, waiting for you to continue.

“and i guess, just, don’t hurt me. if you don’t want to continue with this, please tell me. i really don’t want to feel used, so also respect my decisions on how this goes as well! because you can’t be the only one who dictates everyt-“

your eyes widened, your posture stiffened as jaemin smashed his lips onto yours. he pulled away instantly, watching as you stared in shock.

“you talk way too much” he mumbled, face still close to yours.

“well, that’s a good way to keep me quiet” you almost whimpered, shocked at how he had so much power over you. yet, you enjoyed every second of it. you decided to kiss him back this time, repeating the exact actions as previously in the closet.

what have you gotten yourself into?

after that day, jaemin started hanging around you at school more. it wasn’t too often that people would suspect you two were a thing, but enough for them to acknowledge that you were friends. you both had haechan as a mutual friend. he was surprised to see both you and jaemin conversing next to your locker.

“yeah honestly i don’t like going to the soccer games but the boys make me go because jeno is playing” jaemin starts ranting to you, causing you to laugh in response.

suddenly haechan approaches, you noticed, rolling your eyes awaiting some sort of teasing from him.

“well what do we have here? jaemin and y/n actually becoming friends?” he lightly joked, shoving both of your shoulders.

“yeah very funny” you groaned before crossing your arms.

“didn’t you know? y/n were hella tight back in the day, right?” jaemin fed off of haechan’s comedic energy, making you softly smile.

“that’s right, i remember when you forgot your swimmers at home at my pool party in the 5th grade so you had to wear your undies” you let out a loud chuckle, causing haechan to also laugh, whilst pointing at jaemin.

to your surprise, jaemin also let out a small chuckle, running a hand through his hair “ah yes, one of my proudest moments, you forgot to mention that your best friend also confessed to me on that day” he retaliated back, damn he was good. haechan also laughed in response to his words,

“you two are hilarious, i’m glad we can all hang out now! y/n, come to jeno soccer game this friday! let jaemin pick you up since you guys are now besties” haechan insisted. you shot your eyes to jaemin.

“yeah sounds good” jaemin complied, resulting in haechan to nod in response before bidding a goodbye and running off to get food.

“i thought you said you didn’t like going to his games?” you turned to jaemin who was fiddling with his sleeves.

“uh yeah, well i mean, maybe it’s time to change. might also give us an excuse to make out”. this would be one of the first times you would make out, outside of school, it was an understatement to say you were looking forward to friday.

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“y/n! someone is here to see you!” your brother, chenle, yelled from the front door. he was slightly pissed off due to being interrupted from his video game. you rushed to the door, bidding a quick goodbye to your brother, telling him that you’ll bring him back a corn dog or something. jaemin smiled at you in awe, but quickly masked it with asking you,

“do you know much about soccer?”

you contemplated for a moment before answering, “i guess the basics, sometimes chenle watches it on tv but he usually watches basketball”

jaemin watches you with every word, not realising you both had reached his car. he shook himself out of his short daze and opened the door for you to enter the passenger side, he wasn’t sure why he did it. usually he would let people just open the door for themselves, but he just wanted to do this for you.

once he entered the car, he looked at you, giving you a small smile before leaning in. your heart was pounding, you knew what was coming. he placed his lips on yours like he had many time before, pulling away after a short five seconds. you smiled into the kiss, pulling him back which made him let out a small giggle that just made your heart flutter.

“hey we can’t get carried away, jeno will be grumpy if we show up late!” jaemin muttered, before starting the car. he always seemed to be the one changing the subject, but you didn’t mind, there would plenty of opportunities for you both to continue.

it was half time of the game, haechan and renjun went to the bathroom and grab some food, leaving you and jaemin alone. it was fairly cold that night, which you didn’t expect, as you wore a large grey hoodie and some shorts. jaemin had placed his jacket into your lap, making you blush.

“come with me” jaemin whispered in your ear, sending a small shiver down your spine. he grabbed your wrist gently, leading you towards the car park. you learn against the back of his car, as he began kissing your cheeks. you softly giggled, interrupting him,

“it’s getting cold, put this back on” you referred to his jacket in which he complied. after putting his jacket on, you grabbed the collar of the jacket and pulled him towards you.

“nice move” he mumbled, not wasting time as he leaned in. your hands were tangled in his hair, his hands placed at the top of your hips, slightly rubbing your sides. your back started to ache due to the pressure of being pressed against the car but you didn’t really care at this moment. your head moved to the right as did he, everything just fit in place. he pulled away momentarily, placing his forehead on yours,

“god you’re so pretty”

your mouth opened, a wave of surprise taking over you. he hadn’t really complimented you before, nonetheless look so deeply into your eyes whilst saying such sweet words.

before you could even have a chance to respond, he pulled you close to him, stroking your hair softly.

“let’s get back, the others might be suspicious” he whispered, letting your arms slowly intertwine, as you walked back to the bleachers. na jaemin was gorgeous. confusing. yet, he was the only person that could have ever made you enjoy this situation.

a few weeks had passed since the soccer game. you and jaemin weren’t talking as much as you had hoped, but there was plenty of kissing involved.

he had began to be more touchy with you, which you didn’t mind at all, but it always led you to believe there was something more, until you were hit with reality.

haechan’s birthday party was coming up soon, and you were pretty excited. you were hoping there would be another game of seven minutes in heaven, only with jaemin. he told you that he would pick you up once again, in which you honestly didn’t have any other choice. you were finishing up putting on your shoes, when jaemin rang your doorbell. you opened the door, rather too quickly, causing the corner to hit your toe. you groaned in pain, causing you to fall forward, resulting in jaemin holding you up.

“i’m so clumsy, sorry” your face flushed a bright red shade, jaemin smirking at your adorable reaction. you closed the door behind you before jaemin wrapped his arm around your shoulders. you couldn’t deny the ecstatic feeling you got when jaemin was affectionate with you in the slightest ways. from simple hand holding, when no one was looking, to small brushes of your elbows, any sort of contact made your heart swoon.

you both arrived at the party, feeling many eyes on you two. jaemin still had his arm wrapped around your shoulders, leading you into haechan’s house which was already a mess. he led you both to the kitchen, where jeno was furiously shoving people away from him in order to grab some water.

“oh there you guys are! i’ve lost haechan, he’s gone wild!” jeno panted, before sipping from the water bottle he tried so hard to obtain.

“ehh he’s probably having the time of his life” jaemin shrugged, moving his hand down to attach to your waist. this caught jeno’s attention, causing him to cough awkwardly.

“i’m gonna go find him, incase he’s throwing up somewhere, have fun you guys” he smiled brightly before rushing off. jaemin pulled you closer to him, his back leaning against the side of the counter with you standing in between his legs. he tangled your fingers together, holding onto them gently.

“why are you suddenly being so soft huh?” you decided to tease.

“i mean, i can stop if you want me to” he retaliated, letting go of your hands dramatically. you laughed at his childish ways, before grabbing his hands again. you placed a small kiss on his knuckles, which made his heart stop. he couldn’t deny the feelings he had for you, but things don’t always go his way. he’d rather have you as just a temporary thing, than someone he had to commit to, putting him at risk of jeopardising the relationship. you stared up at him, watching as he rubbed you surface of your hands so softly. he brought one of his hands to cup your cheek, before leaning in and giving you a soft kiss. you were going to continue, when suddenly haechan came up to you guys, clearly drunk.

“come upstairs, we’re gonna play spin the bottle”

you looked over at jaemin who just raised an eyebrow before guiding you along with him to go upstairs.

to avoid any more suspicions from people at the party on the status of you and jaemin, you both decided to sit at opposite sides of the circle. jeno sat next to you and renjun was on your other side.

haechan span the bottle first, as expected of the birthday boy, landing on the class president, siyeon. it was an unspoken rumour that they had a thing, but never really acted on it, until now. siyeon made her way over to haechan before smashing her lips on his, catching him off guard. everyone just ended up clapping, as they both made their moves.

next it was jaemin’s turn to spin. you were internally praying it would land on you. the bottle span so slowly in your mind, frustrating you as you were curious of the outcome. it finally came to a halt, but to your loss, it landed on nayoung. she wasn’t just any girl. she was the girl who his friends always thought he would end up with. his ideal girl, subjectively. before you and jaemin started your thing, you always saw him and nayoung around school together. rumours always spurred that they were dating but nothing more came from it. so when you were seated there, as jaemin leaned to kiss her. you felt a small fraction of your heart crack. you watched as her arms wrapped around his neck, just like how yours did mere minutes ago. you watched as his continued kissing her as if he couldn’t stop. but then you realised. you two weren’t serious. this whole agreement wasn’t meant to make you feel hurt like this. you weren’t meant to get jealous. you weren’t meant to feel like you were literally going to have an emotional breakdown. but you just couldn’t detach your emotions from the physical affections of na jaemin. and that was your own fault.

jeno noticed how uncomfortable you had gotten, leading him to tap your shoulder. tears glossed over your eyes, you wiped them away quickly before looking at him.

“do you need some air?” he offered, anything would be better than being here right now. you nodded before getting up from the circle, taking one last look at jaemin who was glaring at jeno, who had put his arm around your shoulder.

jeno led you to the front of the house, and sat with you on haechan’s porch swing.

“you don’t have to answer me but are you okay?” he gave you a solemn look.

you hesitated answering, unsure of what his intentions were but you were so distraught, you needed to blow off some steam.

“i’m not sure to be honest. i want to be okay, but everything in there was too much” you tried to be as vague as possible.

“was it nayoung and jaemin?” you heart ached again. why couldn’t it just stop?

you didn’t want to respond, jeno noticed, deciding not to push any further.

“just so you know. jaemin isn’t as horrible as he seemed up there. yes, what he did, was really unfair to you. and yes, we’ve noticed that you two seem to have some kind of thing going on” jeno let it out to you.

“we don’t have a thing” you denied.

“don’t lie to yourself. there is something there. he would never have brought someone to his friend’s party, with his arm slinging around them.”

you didn’t know what to say back to him. jeno just kept looking at you, searching for some type of reaction.

“well it doesn’t look like there will be anything soon. i’m going to end it. it hurts too much” you merely whispered, tears falling at this point. jeno rubbed your shoulder gently, comforting you in the best way he could.

“you’re never going to tell him how you feel?” he pleaded.

“why would i? i don’t want to deal with rejection. can you just take me home?” you sighed in frustration. jeno decided not to talk about it further and drop you off at home, where you ran to your room and sobbed for the rest of the night.

screw na jaemin.

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unfortunately you had contracted the flu due to being out in the cold for that night without a jacket. you subjected to your mum’s warnings as she continually scolded you on always bringing a jacket. chenle chuckled at your scoldings, causing you to throw a pillow at him, eventually missing each time.

“hey you rat, throw the pillow at me again and i won’t buy you any bubble tea when i come back from school” chenle threatened. you rolled your eyes before groaning, “fine that’s fair, and i would like an earl grey milk tea with pearls thank you very much!” you shouted as he was already one foot out the door. you sighed before scrolling through endless posts on instagram. you stumbled on some photos from haechan’s party, many were just drunk teenagers posing in the most awkward positions you had ever seen.

suddenly, your phone started ringing, an unknown number appearing. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before answering.

“hello?” you asked hesitantly.

“hey, is this y/n?” you recognised that voice, it was renjun

“yeah it’s me, what’s up?” you continued, interested in what he had to say.

“there’s something you need to know. since you’re not at school today, you aren’t witnessing the wrath of jaemin. last night after you left, jaemin pretty much beat up jeno, thinking he was trying to hit on you or something. i’m not too sure of the facts. but anyway, jeno is busted up at the moment and jaemin is just treating us guys like trash, can you please tell your boyfriend to come to his senses?” renjun was clearly irritated with the whole situation, as were you. jaemin had never been the violent type in your eyes. sure he presented a ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’ image for himself. but you had never imagined something like this to come from him. also, renjun calling jaemin your boyfriend, had you even more stunned.

“he’s not my boyfriend” you groaned.

“yeah well tell him that, you need to talk to him. i just thought i should tell you so you don’t hear fabricated lies when you come back.” he let out a short sigh at the other end, clearly at a loss for words.

“thank you for telling me, i appreciate it a lot. i’ll talk to jaemin but i can’t guarantee anything” you were being honest. even though jaemin was soft and cuddly around you, didn’t mean he listened to every single one of your concerns. and last night really didn’t help your relationship at all. this was going to be a mission.

when you returned to school, two days after the phone call, jaemin almost immediately walked up to you and pulled you aside. you took a minute to process what had happened.

“uh hi?” it came out more like a question, as you didn’t expect him to even talk to you, especially at school.

“where have you been? you haven’t been at school” he asked you, with a stern tone.

“i had the flu” you shrugged, not sure where this was going.

“why didn’t you message me? i was waiting for you” he slightly pouted , causing you to pout back.

“i’m sorry, we just really need to talk face to face” you admitted. he nodded in return, walking you to his car. you both sat inside of it, memories of that night rushing back to you.

“okay first off, i’m just gonna come clean and tell you that i beat up jeno. i’m not proud of it. i’ve treated the guys like shit because i can’t get myself to apologise. god what’s wrong with me?” he let out, slamming his hands on the dashboard. you remained calm.

“at least you could admit you were at fault. just let the steam cool off before you go and apologise. they don’t deserve to be treated that way. what was it all about anyway?” you hoped he answered truthfully.

“it was about you. i kinda got mad that you and jeno went to talk. i just thought that, he was going to make a move on you or something. and i heard he took you home which just made me even more mad. i don’t know why. i don’t know what came over me” he admitted. he was so vulnerable, so innocent. you didn’t know what to make of it.

“but did you literally forget that you kissed nayoung right in front of me?” you retorted, slightly fed up with his blame on others.

he opened his mouth before closing it again, remaining silent.

“that’s what i thought. jeno was comforting me because i was upset about you kissing her. i know we both said that feelings wouldn’t get involved but quite frankly i can’t help it. every time you hold my hand or kiss me i feel like i’m over the moon. i get so happy when you message me at night to sneak out so we can make out in the back of your car. i get excited when you hold my waist while we walk in public. i like the way you kiss me like there’s no one else in the room. but that night, made me realise how delusional i was. i think we should just end this whole thing. it hasn’t been such a positive experience for the both of us. i’m sorry, jaemin, that i couldn’t detach my emotions from our physical connection. i hope you’re okay with that.” and before he could say anything back, you got out of his car and walked to your first class, tears threatening to spill, but you had to hold it in. why did it have to be like this?

days and weeks went by with no contact from jaemin. you had checked up on jeno to see if he was doing okay, and he assured you that jaemin had apologised to him and his friends. which only left you. you felt selfish for expecting an apology from jaemin. what did he need to apologise for? you were the one who caught feelings, even when he stated he probably wouldn’t reciprocate them. god you felt so stupid.

you noticed that he didn’t attend many of his classes, specifically the ones you shared together. it made you worried, even though you hated to admit it. but you cared for him. and you weren’t stopping anytime soon.

it the the final soccer game of the season. jeno was pumped for it, and invited you to come and watch. you decided to go, just to spend some time with the rest of the boys. you lowkey wanted jaemin to come, but unfortunately he had told jeno he wasn’t going to attend. you felt slightly disheartened, expecting that maybe, just maybe he would come to see you. but that was you trying to believe in something that didn’t exist.

as you watched the game intensely, haechan and renjun were shouting beside you, cheering for jeno. you laughed at their silly chants and funny faces they were making at him. these were the moments you wanted to cherish. you received a notification at the moment, taking out your phone:

jaemin: meet me in the car park, i’m standing outside of my car. i need to tell you something

you stared at your screen intently, unsure of what to do next. they two boys noticed, worried due to your expression.

“what’s wrong?” renjun asks.

“jaemin wants to talk, he’s here right now” you told them, they looked at eachother then back at you.

“you should talk to him” haechan suggested, renjun nodding along

“yeah what’s the worse that could happen” they both shrugged.

you sort of agreed before getting up and saying goodbye to them. you made your way to the car park, heart pounding out of your chest. jaemin came into view, he leaned against his car. his hair was parted to the right, his skin was illuminating under the lamp post, his jacket draped over his shoulders effortlessly. gosh he was stunning. but he wasn’t yours.

“hey” you approached him quietly.

“oh hey” he almost seemed shocked to see you in front of him. it would have been almost three weeks since you had properly spoken.

“what did you want to talk about?” you stepped closer to him, wanting him to hold you in this cold weather, but you were sadly disappointed when he shot you a confused look.

“i think i just need to be honest with you” he sighed, accepting defeat in the battle of his emotions.

“i had a crush on you when we were in primary. you were the only girl that was ballsy enough to invite me to her birthday party, which just made me so happy that, wow, this little girl had some confidence!” he smiled so widely, it made your knees weak.

“i knew i wanted to be friends with you for the longest time. and we did, but then life just got in the way and we never really got to be close. i had always admired you from afar, that sounds so creepy but uh, i just would always pay attention to you in class. and whenever someone spoke badly about you, i was always on their case. i don’t know if it was out of annoyance or the fact that i may have still had a silly crush on you. but there was just something about you that i just wanted to get to know.” at this point he couldn’t look you in the eyes.

“nayoung was just a distraction for me. i sound like such a dick for putting it that way but i just wanted to get her to help me stop thinking about you. i was so cold to you, prior to jeno’s party. when we got chosen to go in the closet i just went out on a whim and hoped that i would be able to kiss you at least once in my lifetime, even if it was in a stuffy closet” you both laughed, you stepped closer to jaemin, making him look you in the eyes.

“and when you agreed to kiss me whenever i wanted and let me hug you and hold your hand, god i thought my heart was going to explode. i tried so hard to put up this front that i didn’t want to commit because well, i was scared. i’m scared of fucking things up with you. i knew it would be my fault that we didn’t work. and look what happened. i fucked up by kissing nayoung, i wanted to prove to myself that i really had fallen for you. i didn’t feel a single spec of a spark with her. but every time i kissed you, it was like, a thousand bolts of electricity shot through me, okay that was hella corny” he chuckled, before resting his hands on top of yours.

“so what i wanted to tell you is that. i’m not scared anymore. the last time you spoke to me just really impacted me. i needed to reevaluate everything as soon as i could. i’m so sorry it took me this long to finally apologise to you. but i am so sorry for hurting you. that was the last thing i wanted to do. but i wouldn’t take back what i did, because it wouldn’t have led me to this moment. y/n, i have fallen for you. pretty damn hard. you’ve made me cry, made me jealous and made me even beat up my best friend. i’m so crazy for you and i just want you to still feel that for me. do you?” he stared into your eyes with such vulnerability and fragility. you rested your palm to his cheek, wiping away a single tear that shed from his eye. you nodded a bit too aggressively.

“who said i ever stopped?” you smirked before going on your tippy toes to pull him into a short but sweet kiss.

“i truly don’t deserve you. please forgive me” he whined into the kiss, making you smile even more.

“of course i forgive you. even though some of the things you did were completely idiotic and made me want to yank out your hair. i can’t deny that i have strong feelings for you. and i would really like to see how we can be without having to sneak around and only make out. i want to go on dates with you, na jaemin! i want to meet your family and go to cute cafes and eat so much food we both develop food babies! i want to go on an adventure with you, whatever the risks are. i’m willing to take it” you spoke with such emotion, you both ended up crying. jaemin pulled you in for another kiss, this one wasn’t filled with such tension as the first time, but this time it just felt right. he was finally yours.

[ 2 months later ]

you were all hanging out at jaemin’s house, watching a silly children’s movie and critiquing it to the core. you were snuggled up against jaemin’s side, with his arm over your shoulders. he would give you small pecks on your forehead throughout the film, making you blush each time. you would bury your head into his shoulder whenever you felt tired which just made his heart flutter ecstatically.

jaemin decided to throw some popcorn at renjun who had fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position. you were all giggling at the situation, causing renjun to stir awake from his sleep.

“ugh, y/n can you please tell your boyfriend to stop annoying me?!” renjun irritatedly groaned.

“hes not my boyfriend!” you decided to joke.

“hey!!!” jaemin pouted from bestie you, crossing his arms.

“i’m kidding” you whispered to him before pulling him in for a kiss.

“gross, why did we encourage them to get together?” haechan rolled his eyes before throwing a pillow at you two.

“let them be!” jeno retorted before throwing a pillow at haechan. you all erupted into a fit of laughter before continuing with the agenda for the night.

after the boys had left jaemin’s house, you prepared to sleep over, as it was the first time, you were more than nervous. jaemin came up behind you and hugged you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“whatcha thinking about?” he mumbled into your skin.

“you” you flirted, turning to face him. he smiled widely, pulling you closer to him so that your chests met. he leaned down, capturing your lips in his. he led you towards his bed, both of you collapsing onto the mattress. you both positioned yourselves to face eachother in bed. he pulled you into his chest, softly rubbing up and down your arm.

“jaems” you whispered.

“hm?” he looked down at you.

“i just wanted to tell you that i love you and you’re super cute” you blushed while looking to see his reaction.

“i-i love you too” he engulfed you in a hug before kissing you all over your face.

“and you are super duper cute!” he giggled, before resuming his attack of kisses on your face.

these were the moments you cherished the most.

591 notes · View notes

sunsethwa · 5 years

Text

compulsion, n;

an irrational need or irresistible urge to perform some action, often despite negative consequences

pt. 8 / ? [ prev / next / masterlist ]

A/N: I listened to Billie Eilish’s “don’t smile at me” album while writing this, if you know it then you know what kind of vibe this part will have sidenote help im super soft okay help i felt like the fic needed this

Word Count: 1,9k

It’s been five hours. The clock ticked close to midnight, yet you were wide awake, worrying sick about the person who had been unconscious for five freaking hours. You found yourself checking his breathing constantly, making sure he was still … there. When he passed out, you had cried as you moved him from your arms and the floor onto the couch, making sure he was laid as comfortable as possible. You had attempted to get in contact with him several times, concluding that it was no use and that he just needed to wake up in his own time. Considering the pain he had gone through earlier, you imagined his body must have been incredibly drained and that he needed the rest anyways. But you were unable to make yourself calm, only pacing back and forth in the living room, or sitting down on the ground next to him and hoping to see some signs of consciousness. There were no other thoughts in your head, you ignored buzzes from your phone and the growling of hunger from your stomach. This felt more important.

You sat with your back against the lower part of the couch, staring mindlessly as the clock on the wall struck 12. A couple of seconds later, you felt movement behind your head, and heard a slight grunt of discomfort. Quickly turning around, you saw Seonghwa’s face scrunching up before his eyes fluttered open. They stared right at you, sending a strike of relief through your body.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” You asked carefully, afraid to speak too loud in case his head was hurting. Seonghwa shifted, trying to get into a seated position, but was stopped by his own body and fell back down.

“Like shit.” He said with a hoarse voice. Hesitantly, you reached out your hand and started stroking his hair. It seemed to be taken with pleasure as he closed his eyes and started humming at the sensation.

“That feels nice.” He whispered. You kept petting his head for a while, running your thumb ever so gently over his temple.

“What happened?” You tried, your head now leaning on the couch, scarily close to him.

“I’m on timeout.” He answered.

“What does that mean?”

He opened his eyes again, and you moved back slightly, scared if he didn’t want your face so close to his own.

“No, look.” He encouraged you to come close again, looking right at you. You studied his face, taking notice of something you have reacted to earlier – how his eyes had pigment in them. The standing lamp beside the couch illuminated them so beautifully, really brightening the dark brown colour.

“Did they make you … human?” You questioned. Seonghwa made a second attempt on getting up, succeeding this time. He propped his elbows on his legs and supported his head in his hands.

“It’s been so long since last time, I don’t know how you guys handle this – all these senses being forced to operate at the same time, seems unnecessary.” He complained. You got up from the floor and sat down next to him.

“How long will you stay like this?”

“I don’t know, maybe a couple of days, a week, a month. It’s not up to me to decide.” He said. The two of you sat in silence for a while. You were unsure how to react, what to do. How does one handle a demon whose been forced to live like a human punishment. Your trail of thought was broken by a groan coming from the boy beside you, accompanied by him clutching his stomach.

“Aah, right, hunger is a thing I have to deal with now.” He quickly realised. You couldn’t help but laughing slightly at his reaction to the most basic human need.

“Do you guys not eat at all?” You asked him, making him shake his head. You noticed that he had a small smile painted on his face.

“We just, you know, drain souls every once in a while for strength.” He told you, lifting his stare to catch your reaction, then giggling once he noticed how you scrunched your nose in minor disgust.

“Okay, you know what, I don’t want to hear about that right now. Shall we make something to eat instead?” You proposed. Seonghwa nodded at your idea, getting up with you. As he stood up, he stumbled instantly, and you instinctively grabbed his arms to help him keep his balance.

“Careful, you can’t just magically heal if you hurt yourself now.” He scoffed at your joke but followed with you to the kitchen area on the other side of the room.

“I think I have all the ingredients for a nice pizza.” You suggested. Seonghwa didn’t react to your words, he was too busy holding his hands under the water that was running from the faucet.

“What- are you doing?” You asked him.

“Cold.” He said, still looking at the water. You walked over, turning off the faucet. Grabbing his hands, you felt they were indeed, ice cold.

“Why did you do that?” You were genuinely confused at his actions. His hands were so cold that you wondered if there was any feeling left in them.

“Here, put them inside my sleeves.” You commanded, and Seonghwa gave you a slightly confused look, yet did as you said. You hissed slightly at his cool hands wrapping around your wrists. He nodded to himself.

“What?” You asked.

“Warm.” He said. You shook your head and sighed but couldn’t help but finding his way of acting quite amusing.

“You’re like a lost puppy.” You told him. He gave you an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry.” Words you never thought you would ever hear from this man.

“No no, it’s okay … it’s kind of cute.” You stated, not really feeling frightened by him anymore. He seemed so helpless, and even though he had put you in horrible situations, he had gotten you out of them every time – and never hurt you personally. Seonghwa slowly removed his hands from inside of your sleeves, yet held onto one of your wrists still, the one that had his initials.

“Feels strange that this is purposeless right now.” He admitted.

“I know, but it will regain its purpose again though.”

“Maybe.” His expression got slightly dark again.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s focus on eating.” He brushed off your question and let go of your hand, shifting his attention towards the things you had laid out on the kitchen counter.

…

You carefully watch as Seonghwa takes his first bite out of the pizza you made together. During the process, the poor boy had burned his hands on three different spots on the stove and taking while the pizza out of the oven. Because of this, three pauses were needed to run his hands under cold water, putting on some treatment and wrapping him up to relieve the pain.

“Wow, this is amazing!” Seonghwa’s eyes lit up with excitement and quickly took a second bite of his slice. You had made an executive decision, which was to let the pizza rest for 15 minutes before you started eating, being scared that Seonghwa would act recklessly again burn the roof of his mouth on the hot cheese. The time was currently 1:34am, and you found your eyes having a hard time staying open as you ate.

“Hey.” You woke up from a finger tapping repeatedly on your head. When you opened your eyes, you noticed that almost the whole pizza was gone, while you had only had a single slice before you fell asleep at the table. Seonghwa looked at you with his head tilted so that it was in the same angle as yours. This time he resembled a small kitten, waiting for their owner to give them attention.

“You really need to sleep. Maybe I should leave.” He said, his voice slightly shaky.

“What? No, you can’t leave – what if all the big, bad demons get you?” You joked, lifting your head and rubbing your eyes. Seonghwa chuckled at your comment.

“Really sounds like you want to keep me here.” He placed his elbow on the table, and his chin on his hand while looking at you.

“I have more human things to re-teach you. Have you seen the burns on your hands?” Seonghwa turned his attention towards the several spots on his hands and fingers that were wrapped in bandage, shrugging and then nodding.

“You’ve got a point. I’ll take the couch then.” There was a silence for a couple of seconds.

“I mean, my bed is large, so there’s space for two. And it’s more comfortable, but yeah sure, you can sleep on the couch if you want.” The two of you almost mirrored each other’s actions, both smiling awkwardly and looking down, not daring to make eye contact.

“Yeah, the couch should be … fine.”

…

You weren’t sure what time it was when the door to your bedroom let in the some light from the hallway, but it closed just as quickly and quietly as it opened. Your eyes flickered up, noticing Seonghwa entering the room. He squatted down by your bedside table, his face levelling with yours in a similar way as you had with him hours earlier by the couch.

“Hey.” You whispered.

“Hi.” His mouth opened to say something more but closed again and his eyes shifted away from yours.

“Everything okay?” You tried, leaning your head a bit to attempt making eye contact with him.

“I feel-“ He started, still struggling to look your way. Once again, you went to stroke his hair, attempting to offer comfort, encouraging him to go on.

“Fear.” He said, finally meeting your gaze. It almost looked like he was about to cry, as his eyes were visibly watery - even in the dim moonlight seeping through the gaps of the curtains.

“Come on.” You said, lifting your cover for him to join you. You noticed hesitation in his face, yet he carefully got up from the floor, climbing into bed and under the covers with you. For a while, you lied facing each other. You spoke no words, the only sound heard being the faint wind outside. Your hand kept going through his hair, occasionally coming down to his face as well. One time, you felt him leaning into your touch as you cupped his cheek. Barely, you could see that his eyes were closed, but you felt a single, warm tear against your hand.

You then moved so that you were lying on your back, never really letting your hand leave his face.

“Come.” You proposed, gently tugging on Seonghwa’s body, making him lie on top of you. His head was now resting on your chest, and you wrapped your arms around him, not forgetting to return one of your hands to his hair. It seemed to you that it gave him a sense of safety when you touched him like that, and it was confirmed further now as you felt more hot tears hitting your chest. Eventually though, they stopped, and you felt the boy on top of you breathing calmly and steadily. With this, you found your heart becoming peaceful, drifting back to sleep.

#i'm so upset but also uwu #atzinc #atinynet #seonghwa #park seonghwa #ateez seonghwa #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez drabbes #ateez blurbs #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #demon ateez #ateez demon au #seonghwa fanfic #seonghwa fic #seonghwa imagines #seonghwa scenarios

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thewritingcaptain · 5 years

Text

Bloody Things and Broken Wings (Chapter 4)

Tony tenses, then visibly forces himself to relax. Peter internally curses at himself. That's not the reaction of someone who's not guilty of something or the other. And just when he was starting to think it might be worth it to trust him…

Notes: Hey guys! Nothing important to say here really; I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading and supporting me! I love you all 3000! Also, be prepared for some feels the next two or three chapters! Nothing big is going down here yet, but it’s coming! :)

As soon as he closes the bathroom door behind him, Tony stops, taking a deep breath to steel himself again and forcing himself to relieve some of the tension in his shoulders.

He'd been tense since Jarvis had alerted him that Morgan had been granted entrance to the kid's room. He isn't entirely sure why he was so on edge about it, if he's being honest; neither of them were in positions to hurt the other, unless Morgan tried to climb up on the bed with him for some reason - not that he really thought either of them would try. Still, finding them both intact and chatting amicably had been a relief. It was actually nice to see Peter so relaxed; in comparison with how he had acted around Morgan, it was clear how tense (and afraid, even if he doubts Peter would admit that) he was around Tony.

Of course both of those reappeared as soon as he entered the room, but that wasn't the point.

Not that he'd actually entertained the thought that he was desperate enough to do anything, but Tony was glad Peter hadn't tried to say or do anything stupid with Morgan. He'd tried testing the waters and immediately backed off when he saw that wasn't going to get him anywhere, rather than start something with her in the room. And to an extent, he was glad she hadn't seen the cuff he'd put on the younger male's ankle, either; he wouldn't have taken it off if she had, but he knew she would have been upset by it.

In truth, Tony was upset by having to do it. But deciding that it was a necessary evil was one of the decisions he'd made this morning; he isn't going to have him try to take off when he's still injured. Tony has every intent of nursing the kid back to full health, whether he likes it or not. And of course it doesn't have anything to do with his guilt or his need to know what Peter has gone through on behalf of the Avengers, or anything he knows about the people looking for him; but if he manages to make some of that up to him, well, that's just an added bonus.

He hasn't told Peter who he is yet, and clearly, Peter hasn't figured it out on his own, despite seeing him use the gauntlets and his nanotech. He can't say he's too surprised; it's been almost six years since he himself made a public appearance. He's gone into hiding, in a way. He would daresay he's still a recognizable figure, but he doesn't go out to where he could be recognized very often anymore. He thought long and hard about it this morning, but he's decided he's not going to tell him - at least, not right away. Mainly because of what Peter has apparently already gone through on their behalves, and the adverse reaction he'd probably have to realizing. The kid is clearly already terrified of him now; the last thing he needs to add to that mix is him knowing who he is and thinking that he has some alternative purpose for helping him. Which he probably already thinks, Tony knows, but with this new information, the kid would probably think he's found a legitimate reason to worry. No, he wants to try to gain at least a tiny bit of trust between them first.

It doesn't look like it'll be impossible. Difficult, certainly, but not impossible. He's got Morgan on his side, for one thing. He's yet to meet anyone who is immune to her precious charms, and if the bit of interaction he heard before bursting in earlier is any indication, Peter is no exception. That in itself will open up some avenues. Not that he would ask Morgan to do or say anything to Peter on his behalf, but… well, clearly, she's well taken care of, and he's been told it's obvious she adores him. Hopefully some of that will be enough to let Peter rest easier around him.

Besides, he intends to take care of him personally, and he likes to think he's not too scary after the first couple of meetings (unless he's trying to be, of course, but he won't be). Eventually he'll have to realize that Tony really wants nothing more than to help him.

The only problem he's going to run into, Tony muses as he hunts down the supplies to fix the kid up again, is that they were only supposed to be staying here for a day or two, while Pepper has her meetings. Peter is going to take weeks to recover. And while he may have put up with Tony carrying him to the bathroom, if he tries to, say, load him into the car and drag him out to their lakeside home, he knows the young vigilante would absolutely freak. That really would be kidnapping him. And unless he goes separately from Pepper and Morgan, they'll be witness to whatever happens.

Not to mention the fact that Pepper is mostly certainly still highly recognizable, and if he sees her, he'll probably put things together in an instant.

He can deal with that later. Pepper has meetings today and tomorrow. He'll just call Happy to help him keep an eye on Morgan and try to see what kind of progress he can make with Peter. By tomorrow night he'll have to make some kind of decision about who's going where - if they're all staying, if only he stays, or if he's willing to drag a possibly kicking and screaming superhero out of the city with them - but not today.

Today he just goes in search of the first aid kit and heads back to the room where he left the younger hero, intent on helping however he can.

When he re-enters the bathroom, Peter is carefully balanced on the edge of the tub, steadying himself with his unbroken arm and leg - he only has one of each, in the midst of all those injuries - and is checking the temperature of the water. He's somehow managed to get from the toilet to the bathtub across the room, and he's gotten the shirt and sweatpants Tony had dressed him in last night off on his own.

Tony has to admit, he's impressed with the kid's pain tolerance, and his reckless tendency to continue pushing boundaries. What he's not impressed with is how skinny he is - he'd noticed he was small, before, but now that he's not covered in blood and he can get a better look at him, he can see the prominent set of his ribs, the fact that he's not just in-shape skinny, but unhealthy-skinny. And with all the bandages he's swaddled in, he looks even smaller.

He lets out an unhappy hum under his breath without even consciously realizing it. Peter doesn't look up, but he shifts slightly in a way that lets Tony know he definitely heard it and asks, "What?"

"Nothing," he says quickly, irritated at himself for his lack of control. He steps closer. "Do you want anything to put in there? You're not allergic to any type of soap or anything, right?"

"Not that I know of," Peter says after a moment's hesitation, and Tony instinctively knows that it's true, if only because if he actually was allergic to something he probably would have refused to tell him what or just flat out refused to answer. "But I'm good."

"If you insist." Tony steps closer, waiting until he turns to face him to touch him so he doesn't startle him. He gently grabs one of his arms, starting to unwrap the bandages there, and continuing to do so until he's pulled all of the bandages off.

Peter watches silently, and gives no hint of a reaction except for an occasional wince, until he's pulled off the last one and is throwing it in the trash can. Then he says so quietly Tony almost isn't sure he's supposed to hear, "Thanks. You can go now."

Tony blinks, his brow furrowing as he looks down at the slight kid in front of him. "What?"

Peter shrugs, turning and carefully draping his legs over the tub. "I said you can go. I can do this myself."

He has the insane thought of 'you're dismissing me?' and then realizes that Peter would have no idea why that scenario is so backwards even if he says it outloud. He shakes the thoughts away, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Peter… I know it's uncomfortable for you, but I really think-"

"Don't touch me." Peter jerks away almost violently, and Tony dimly realizes after the fact that the younger male had immediately gone from stiff to shaking under his touch. Shit. He's got trauma too, you moron.

"I'm… sorry," Tony manages, trying unsuccessfully to keep the thoughts at bay of exactly what kind of trauma would have made Peter react to his touch like that. "I'll… go, then, but I'll be just outside, okay? Holler for me when you're decent, and we'll get you wrapped back up." Then he practically flees the room, without waiting for a response.

He leaves the door cracked just a tiny bit behind him, then settles down to wait.

Peter watches him go and doesn't say anything. Some part of him feels bad for snapping at Tony, but he just couldn't help it, the same way he could hardly control his body's reaction to it. He's shaking, and he's honestly not sure why, what he even triggered, but it's there and it's not going away.

He sighs, slipping off his boxers and easing himself into the water, slowly, groaning a bit at the pain. He looks about as bad as he feels, which is to say, like absolute shit. There's not a single part of him that doesn't hurt, and all he wants to do is sit and soak in the water for as long as possible. Maybe he'll get lucky, fall asleep with the water running and drown. He's starting to think he'd much prefer that to any of the other inevitable unhappy endings coming to him. Besides, there's no one left who'd care if he's gone anyway. He had one family member and two friends left by the time the Snap had happened. And of course all three of them had disappeared. Right in front of his eyes, to boot. But wasn't that just his luck?

He can't remember the last time he'd actually been able to soak in a bath of water - at least, a time when it wasn't being used as a torture device. This time, between his injuries and his exhaustion and the fact it is not an uncomfortable temperature nor is anyone wrecking havoc on his body or his mind while he lays there, he actually does doze off. Scrubbing himself clean is exhausting, not to mention difficult in his scenario. One moment he's rinsing off his mangled leg with painstaking care, and the next he's out.

He wakes up a bit later to the feeling of weightlessness, and realizes he's being carried. He startles when he realizes it, but the arms around him tighten in response. "Easy Pete. It's just me."

It's probably supposed to be soothing, and coming out of the grips of the memories and fears that paralyze him as he sleeps, it kind of is, even if he doesn't know if he should trust Tony yet. He settles for long enough to be taken the rest of the way to bed, where Tony carefully lays him down.

He's clutching handfuls of Tony's shirt like a little kid, and he doesn't even realize it until the elder man is trying to set him down and meets the resistance. To his utter embarrassment, he's stuck to him again. So not only is he wet and naked, wearing nothing but a towel after he failed to even take a bath on his own, he's now stuck to his… whatever the hell this guy is to him now, and he's not in control enough of himself to be able to make his stickiness go away. And he's so tired that he can't even say or do anything about it.

Tony seems to sense his distress. "Easy, kiddo. It's alright. I'll stay, if that's what you want." He carefully settles beside him on the bed, and before Peter fully realizes what's happening he's tucked snugly into Tony's side, the blankets pulled up around them, and suddenly he's asleep against the elder man's side.

Tony is still there when he startles awake some time later, soothing him before he'd even fully aware of what's going on.

"Easy, it's all right… just lay back down, breathe, Peter… it was just a dream…"

He was dreaming? News to him. He must have been freaking out in his sleep again. "I'm- sorry," he manages to get out.

"Don't be." Tony runs a hand down his arm, and Peter unthinkingly snuggles closer to his side. It's been such a long time since anyone held him like this. Platonically, lovingly, as if his comfort is the only thing that matters. He dimly registers Tony's other hand dragging through his hair and resists the urge to purr like a cat. "You feeling okay now? More awake?"

"Yeah…" Suddenly it returns to him why Tony is still there and he flushes furiously, jerking back as if burned. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he tries to pull his hands away and realizes they're still stuck, albeit in slightly different places than before.

"Hey hey. It's alright. You can't control it all the time." Tony puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him, and he stills, blinking hard against the sudden burning behind his eyes. As if he needs to be more indebted to this man. But Tony notices even that, and his expression softens even more. "Peter, calm down." He taps his chin up gently. "I'm not mad, and you didn't do anything wrong. You're healing, and those freaky spider powers of yours seem to be making it go quicker at the cost of your energy. You need all the rest you can get." He pauses, smiling a little. "Anyway, you're far from the first person that's ever used me as a pillow, kiddo. I'm used to it."

Peter lowers his eyes when Tony releases his chin, unable to take the earnesty in them when he doesn't know if it's real or fake, and either way no one has given a shit about him in so long that it's honestly painful to see. He takes a breath and mutters a small, "Thanks."

"Of course." Tony ruffles his hair with such care that Peter wants to flinch away from the obvious affection. "Now, let's get you dressed in something besides a towel. You think you can let me up now?"

Peter bits his lip, not answering in favor of concentrating hard. Slowly but surely, his hands come unstuck from where they are resting on Tony's torso.

"Perfect." He gets up carefully, so he doesn't jostle him, then walks over to the dresser and grabs a stack of clothes Peter hadn't noticed earlier. "I took the liberty of getting some clothes brought up for you, since you obviously didn't have anything besides the suit with you and that is not even going to be an option until repairs are done - if they even can be, as unrecognizable as it is. They might not fit just right, but it's better than nothing." He stops at the edge of the bed, setting the clothes down beside him and frowning slightly at the look that must have crossed Peter's face. "What?"

"You… think you can repair my suit?" Peter doesn't dare let the hope show on his face. If he's willing to repair it, that means he gets it back, right? Which means he has to be intending to actually let him go when he gets better. Or that he just wants it to be up and running again to get whatever information out of it is possible, a pessimistic side of him adds, but he pushes the thought away in favor of another slightly less pessimistic but equally concerning one. "Wait. What do you know about my suit? You never told me."

"It's not what you think," Tony says quickly, apparently seeing the expression on Peter's face. "I just… happen to know the person who made your suit. So I know a bit about it, and yeah, we might be able to fix it. But I can't promise anything, Peter. It was really messed up."

That's because he had gotten really messed up, but neither of them wants to say that. Apparently the unspoken words hang heavy in the room, though, because Tony suddenly continues, "Speaking of which, kid, I would really like to get you seen by a professional. I think your leg and your arm need to be reset and casted at least temporarily, and I would really like to see some actual scans being done to make sure there's nothing on the inside I missed. Is that okay with you?"

Peter hesitates. He doesn't like the idea of it. He hasn't been seen by a doctor in years - partially because he can't afford to be, partially because he knows since the bite he's not all human and he doesn't know to what extent that is, and he's not all about being turned into a human science experiment. "I… haven't been seen by a doctor since…" he hesitates. He's honestly not sure of the exact amount of time, but it goes back further than even the Snap, into his early teens, probably.

Tony's eyes widen a bit at the realization. "Oh. Longer than the Snap?" Peter nods. "How long, then, exactly?"

"Um…" He looks down, picking some imaginary fuzz off the blanket. "Seven or so years, at least."

"Sev- Jesus, kid. That's not healthy, even if you weren't getting injured every time you step on the street." Tony looks stricken.

"Yeah, well, excuse me for not wanting to become a human science experiment!" Peter retorts unthinkingly, then blanches.

Tony stares at him, then shakes his head. "That's… reasonable, I suppose. I'm sorry. But you're going to see one this time, kid. I know a guy, and you wouldn't be the first mutant he's dealt with. I promise you, no science experiments, no scary stuff, and he knows how to be discreet. Does that sound fair?"

Peter slumps back against the pillows, closing his eyes. "What does it matter? We both know you're going to make me whether I say no or not."

He hears Tony let out a pained sigh. "It's for your own good, kid. Just… don't make this harder than it needs to be." A pause, then the bed moves as he settles beside him again. "Come on. Let's get you bandaged and dressed, then we'll get some food into you and you can rest again for a while."

Peter says nothing as gentle hands take his arm again, starting the process of bandaging his wounds again. Peter lays still and quiet except for when otherwise instructed as Tony wraps him up and helps him into some fresh clothes. Despite not doing much - or perhaps because he hasn't - Peter is trying not to fall asleep again by the time he's finished.

Tony gets his shirt on and lays him back against the pillows, seeming to realize then that he's battling unconsciousness again. Whatever he was going to say is lost as he just closes his mouth and smiles a little, pulling the blankets over him again. "Get some rest, Peter." He tucks him in and gets up, and Peter's eyes fall closed before he's even out of sight.

His mind is a few minutes behind his body, though, even though that's also fading fast. Still, he's awake for just long enough to hear the faint dial tone of a phone and Tony's whisper of, "Bruce, I need a favor," and then the world is black again.

Taglist: @lyrical-harmony @httydlovena @jewelrnicorn @mentalyokay @sweatpants-romance

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yogaadvise · 5 years

Text

Giving to Receive: 10 Practices Using the Law of Karma

Karma, as a mainstream concept, is typically deceptive. Some would certainly limit its definition to "reaping what you sow" or the universe getting also with incorrect doing, Karma actually lugs an extra details truth. "Fate" in Sanskrit indicates "action." The old spiritual traditions of the East speak of life as an expression of awareness. This way, life is an outcome of consciousness meeting a desire to experience.

The origin of Fate is your heart's attachment to the activities and also intentions you select during your life. As an individual soul, you are a witness to your life, also though you may really feel that you are the "doer." This accessory to action demands Karma. In simplistic terms, Fate is the result of your actions and also intents.

As the central awareness of your own life, you are not just experiencing, but additionally "creating" the experience from the globe at big. This means that you analyze and adjust your fact, if no place else, most definitely within your Self. From this perspective, Fate is a responses mechanism for what you do as well as assume. You can think about it as life's means of leading you as well as growing you, with any luck on a great path.

There is a lot that can be stated regarding the subject of Fate, however right here are 10 useful uses the law for your life.

1. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is very crucial to living a life of positive Fate. When you think of Fate as something good or bad, you misunderstand. Truthfully, all experience is positive Karma because also when you experience harsh or adverse situations, you are actually releasing the demand for those scenarios to occur.

You might have unwanted experiences due to previous Fate. This planetary financial debt can just be paid once the lessons are learned as well as experiences have actually been completely refined. Mercy can be a powerful tool for completing this release. Initially, you have to learn to forgive others. When somebody does you wrong, try to see them as the carrier of Karma instead of as an adversary. That is not to say that you enable others to hurt you, yet it is to state that you don't allow on your own to carry the weight of the action.

2. Detachment

This one is sometimes hard, and also in fact a massive step on the path to Knowledge as a whole. As you set about trying to spread and also show up excellent Karma, it is very important to keep in mind that you are not the doer. You are a witness of your Self. It is important for you to attempt to act without add-on. The present of this ability is that it releases you as much as be spontaneous. It can be as straightforward as making a left or an ideal kip down the roadway. Your mind will do its job of considering all the opportunities as well as hiding risks of either instructions. You'll have all the typical internal dialogue and issues. You are not your mind. From this perspective, you already have a suggestion of which means is the best path, and also even if you don't recognize the result, you understand which means you want to go. This comes from instinct and a deeper intuition.

Your attachment to the decision-making process and recognition with the vulnerable vanity is what unlocks for unwanted Fate. Detachment from this, as well as developing true trust in your Self as well as deep space, will always lead you to the "best" course. Even when things seem tough, it will certainly be the "right" course. Detachment has a lot to do with belief, as well as you'll get further by working together with the Cosmos in confidence, rather than fear.

3. Give What You Want

Giving is essential when taking notice of Fate, since it's a means for you to take part in the "favorable" end of activity. Below, "favorable" is indicated as a scientific term, as in magnetic "favorable" pole. Normally, individuals see Karma as something you're receiving from past activities, as well as this is accurate in the now. However, you can develop better Karma on your own moving on by being a true blessing and also force permanently in various other's lives.

If you're attempting to deal with something in your own Karmic pool, often it's great to give or share what you desire. For instance, allow's claim you're undergoing some partnership problems and your close friend or colleague "together" involves you for guidance on a person of rate of interest in their life. You might naturally intend to talk down on love, relationships, and also vent your very own stress. You're simply crazy or pain. What you want is a much better connection in your life. The "Karma solution" advised right here would certainly be to motivate, inspire, as well as deal knowledge from your life, with the intent of assisting that individual locate the kind of relationship they want.

In doing so, you are establishing top qualities that enable Karma to be changed in your life:

You're doing some good

You're experiencing your Self as the teacher, and also hearing your very own words of wisdom concerning the lessons in your life

You're being selfless.

4. Appreciate the Lessons

As an advancing individual, you're right here on planet to discover. Believe it or otherwise, a lot of life's problems can be resolved by merely stopping to value the lesson in them. Considering that this is a core factor of Karma, you can create better experiences on your own by truly valuing the wisdom you obtain from them. As an example, when something negative takes place in your life, often a basic shift in attention is all it requires to change that taking place right into something better.

Allow yourself to regret for a moment, yet place even more focus on what you have actually acquired from the experience. Also when it involves something as grim as death, try to put more attention on the true blessings of the person and the better emotions of the past. This will certainly permit you to feel much better, as well as open you to a higher analysis of the experience. It is not to play down the tough times, but to decide what you desire for your Self.

If your true purpose is to give on your own joy and also love, after that those have to come to be the major "colors" with which you see life. Inevitably, the outer universe is right here to offer your inner being in growth, love, and health. Also the poor stuff is genuinely meant to instruct or aid you with something. Try seeing points from this viewpoint by asking yourself: "What is there for me to gain?" or "What have I discovered via this?" Occasionally this suffices to change also the hardest experiences into Karmic blessings.

5. Conscious Choices

Everyone is trying to become a more aware being, even those that do not recognize where their course is leading them. Essentially, this entails the simple process of paying even more focus in the moment. When you take the time to quit as well as consider what you are doing, with awareness on your inner self, body, energy, and emotion, you have the ability to make a more informed decision on what your next program of activity should be.

You might really feel like you do not always have the moment to stop, breath, as well as enable, but with some technique as well as ability, you really can discover it. Mostly what is needed is mindfulness. As long as you are constantly choosing what you feel is finest for yourself as well as others, then you will as a result generate great Fate. Guide far from situations or people that you think are toxic, as well as move toward positivity.

When it involves a lot more individual decisions, try to maintain your psychological concentrate on exactly how you feel. Also in thought, a choice can have a psychological element. Trust that, examine that, respect that. You will certainly discover that it comes to be simpler as well as easier to live with in this manner of thinking. In doing so, your Karma will certainly make itself known as well as lighten according to your initiatives.

6. Process the Experience

In basic terms, you need to discover methods to maintain your performance via the difficult lessons of Fate. The even more you passively allow things to unfold in your life, the much more particular lessons will certainly proceed to reveal up. This is not by crash. It indicates you're not gaining from them. Remain sharp as well as aware. Notice the little similarities in your persisting Karmic episodes.

Purposefully look for understanding and also deep space will certainly provide it to finish your suffering. If you observe that you continuously finish up in negative monetary situations, take some time to pay attention to exactly how it happens. Do not wallow away in the misery of another fouled organisation choice. Begin with the beginning, the ideas itself. Notice what thoughts and also sensations transpire. View your next moves, the kind of people and power you collect to aid you, and also your planning procedure and also implementation. Become an energetic witness of every component. This doesn't need to be an intense task. Simply focus. Your interest as well as subsequent thoughts are, as a matter of fact, the process of food digestion. When you have fully absorbed the lesson from an experience, your life can do away with the requirement to duplicate it.

7. Transmute What You Receive

You have actually most likely listened to the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This is a basic lesson for just how to handle Karma, and also in some cases even the point of Karmic experiences. Going back to the processing of an experience, it's essential to find out just how to allow change to occur in your life.

When negative points occur, there are times when the extremely function of the experience is to include toughness to your life in a specific direction. Perhaps situations will certainly come in the future where you require to be much more resistant, smarter, "insensitive," as well as seasoned. Your current experience may include a present for future empowerment. From this point of view of constantly looking ahead, you can better manage the downsides of your existing. Extract from the experience that which serves and use it. This simple action can promptly transform what appears like bad Fate right into a blessing.

8. Cleanse

Sometimes this can have a result on your Fate. Just as your house needs a complete cleansing a few times a year, so does your life. Take a while to remove your added luggage. Cleanse on your own of undesirable junk that you build up in your mind, body, space, as well as time. Do some mild detoxing a couple of times a year, ideally with seasonal adjustments. All of these cleansing practices are intended to get rid of blockage, adverse power, as well as ama. Besides being a good practice as a whole, its Karmic advantage comes from the intention of quality and also purity. As an outcome of cleaning, you will certainly create a benign setting permanently Fate to flow into your life.

9. Spread Good Vibes

While experiencing your daily activities, delicately as well as effortlessly send out love as well as peace to every creature you come across. Regardless of what you do, predict ideas of love within the task. If you are standing in line at the food store, instead of being impatient, try sending love to every individual before you. Think of the cozy light of love originating from your heart facility to all those around you. In case you encounter someone or something that is unwanted, send out even much more positivity as a counter balance. When you pass a pest on your course or a plant, send out a silent message of love, recognizing that you and it are part of the one global experience of life.

10. Give to God

Developing a connection with the Divine is a vital part of the path to Transcendence and self-evolution. Having a spiritual life of your deciding on is healthy as well as even vital on some levels to completely comprehend life. When it concerns Karma, it serves to reveal gratefulness towards the Cosmos and to develop a perspective of service. By being grateful and also always looking for to serve the higher good, you will naturally position on your own within the circulation of collaboration and also congeniality within deep space. When you serve as an agent of universal excellent, advantages occur. In this way, you attract good Karma through your dedication to the Divine.

Create a satisfying everyday reflection technique that will aid you happily provide to others by enrolling in the Chopra Center's on-line Primordial Noise Meditation Course. Learn More.

#meditation #spiritual #yoga #yoga poses

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boogiewrites · 6 years

Text

Before & After Ch. 9

Ch. 9 - Figuring It Out

Characters: Jim Hopper x OFC Brandi

Summary: Becoming increasingly aware of your growing feelings, you find yourself reacting in the strangest possible way to feeling so connected to Hopper. Can you beat this if you fight it together?

Words: 3700+

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Mental illness. Psychic Powers. Suggestive Dialog. Dealing with trauma.

All other chapters on my Masterlist.

You ask Hopper for some time to gather your thoughts, you just need to think this out. He gives you this without hesitation, but under one condition.

Yes, it's fast, but he already has a key. It's too soon but you've both played it safe before and it's ended in flames, so why wouldn't you try following your instincts for once? Your lives clearly weren't normal anymore, so why should you hold yourself to other peoples standards anymore? It was a real unifying moment of saying "Fuck it." together and letting the cards fall where they may. He can't stand to be away from you because he worries, feel's responsible for your problems. You can't stand to be away from him because he grounds you, his touch makes everything hurt less. It's a smidge co-dependent, sure, but for right now it's working. You move in together. There hasn't been a night yet where you'd crawled into bed that you'd regretted the decision.

Over the next few days, you read. You read so much your eyes cross and you fall asleep with a book open in your hands. You call old college friends for information, you go to the school's libraries that are close enough to drive to do research. The Hawkins librarian is weirdly rude to you but you get what you came for anyway. You even write letters to a few promising parapsychology researchers. You've been focused on yourself, your problems at hand. In the back of your mind, you felt bad for ignoring Jim, but he said he understood and continued taking care of you. You needed to remember how supportive he'd been through all this to thank him later.

You think you've come to some conclusions. The academic part of your brain was frustrated by your lack of solid conclusion. It all felt so flimsy and whimsical and just not...real. You decide to sit Hopper down and give him what little information you had. He liked to work in facts, just like you, but there wasn't any science you had access to, to explain what was happening between the two of you.

The only science-based evidence you could conjure up was how you physically started being able to do this. You checked out a book on brain anatomy and function, getting lost in huge volumes with a highlighter and your notebook for days on end. But it turns out for as much as we do know about the human brain, that there is that much and more we don't know. That didn't take into account the ideas of the human soul and consciousness. That was a whole other can of worms that you had held off on deep diving into because you didn't know if you could take on more questions and even fewer answers.

You have your notebook dedicated to your ailment. If that's what you wanted to call it. Some called it a power, a unique ability. You'd heard of psychics before sure. But you thought it was all bogus. It's all con artists who are good at reading body language and putting together environmental factors to fool people. But you weren't doing that. You didn't want to even do it, but you couldn't help it. You weren't draining people of their money to give them a chance to speak to their dead relatives, no, your particular set of skills was different.

Over the past week or so, while doing research your episodes stalled. You'd stayed calm and distracted. You'd not passed out again or thought you were going to die from pain and that was a nice change of pace. You had however started having the same dream. Every night. You knew what this meant. This time, it wasn't you climbing into a memory of Jims, you were in one of your memories again. One that you still couldn't remember fully. Each night you got farther and farther into your dream, closer to the goal you wanted to reach. You knew some night you'd finally get to the end of it. Your progress felt slow but you had other things to worry about besides your own repressed memories. How quickly your priorities had shifted. You had to figure this out for Jim, not just yourself. He'd carried that heavy weight of guilt around with him over the week he'd staying here with you. You didn't even know why. You'd catch him staring at you as you read, he kept bringing you sweets for no reason when he'd come home from work, but this wasn't the leftover baby love between the two of you. His eyes were sad behind his half-hearted smiles and it broke your heart everytime you noticed it. You knew you had to push through to understand what was going on, to help both of you.

One night you throw all your notes onto the coffee table. You stand over the books and papers, a pencil behind your ear, chewing your bottom lip. This was as far as you were getting on your own. Jim looks at you, his eyebrows raised from his sitting position o the couch.

"I'd like to present my evidence, Chief." you say with a nervous laugh.

"This what you've been working on?" he asks, leaning forward and picking up a paperclipped group of papers, scribbled and highlighted.

"Yeah." you say hesitantly, rubbing the back of your neck. "For what good it all did me." you sigh, your hand on your hip. "It's been so long since I've done research." you rub your forehead with the palm of your hand. "Forgot how crazy it'll make you feel." you let out a small laugh. "Not that I need help in that area." you roll your eyes at yourself and grab your legal pad and sit next to Jim.

"You've even got notes to talk to me?" his voice has a hint of teasing to it.

"Uh, yeah. Of course. Why?"

"Nothin'." he says a small smile on his face at your expense.

"No nothin'. What?" you shake your hand at him for an answer.

"It's just, it's cute." he lets out a low laugh.

"Cute?" you act offended. "I'll have you know I'm a professional, Hop." you say sarcastically, hugging the papers to your chest.

"Alright, Professor, what's the prognosis on that pretty head of yours?" he says, his expression purely affectionate and supportive.

You take a deep breath and widen your eyes in preparation, your lips in a tight line as your hands hold the sides of your notepad in your lap as a way to focus.

"I want to preface this all with, it's...well, it's all fucking crazy. I don't know how else to put it. It just sounds so improbable to my sense of reason and logic." you bite your lip and let out another deep breath. "We aren't working with facts and proven science here. This is all theoretical so I'm afraid none of it is any more than a hunch as to what is happening to me."

"I had assumed as much. But you're smart, I'm sure it's the best theory anyone could come up with in your situation." he smiles softly at you, leaning in closer, you sit side by side and he looks at your notes as you look up at his face and start to attempt to explain behavior.

"Thanks." you mumble at him, caught off guard by his charm. You watch his eyes move over your handwriting. "Apparently what I have is a sort of extrasensory perception. Which just means I can sense or know things that should be out of my realm of understanding. Things I shouldn't be able to know or do." you watch his face follow the corresponding words on the pad he's taken into his own hand to hold between the two of you. "I've shown some potential with psychometry from your experience with Sarah's hair tie. That's picking up on energies, vibes, memories from objects." you move your hand while you speak, sometimes pointing to the paper. "Some readings say I'm Clairvoyant, or I can gain information on a person or thing through unnatural means." you say entirely too casually like this was getting to be boring at this point because you'd read so much about it. "I seem to be particularly skilled in retrocognition or seeing things that have already happened." you look back up to him and he moves his eyes from the sheet and looks at you.

"I've heard a few stories of police having psychics solve disappearances before. So it's within that category?" he asks, showing he's trying to understand and help.

"Exactly." you smile up at him. "But most importantly, it seems I'm connected to you and your memories." you pause and give a subtle shrug. "Which isn't specifically addressed in any peer-reviewed pieces I could find." you snort at the understatement. "I dabbled in some New Age readings that mentioned it but it's all very whimsical in nature. So I'm no help there." you chew the inside of your cheek in thought.

"New Age stuff?" he asks, his brow furrowing in question.

"Yeah, you know, uh, crystals and energy and soul mates, that sorta thing." you dismiss it with your hand as you speak, looking at the paper again.

"Soul mates?" he says, both teasing and with a hint of curiosity. You're taken off guard by him again, as you stop and smile up at him, indulging him.

"You know," you shrug and smile sheepishly, "Two people that are connected by some supernatural means." you say plainly explain.

"I'm familiar with the idea, sweetheart, I meant what about that has to do with this specifically?" he corrects you without sounding condescending, motioning to your head.

"It was the stories about how some are so connected that they gain telepathy and feel the others pain." he raises an eyebrow at you suppressed and you blush at the suggestion. "Or that's what I read that might apply to this situation anyway." you smirk, looking away from him, still feeling the heat in your face.

"That's all I really found as far as explaining what's happening by relating it to other things that have been previously recorded." you frown slightly.

"This is a ton of information, why are you frowning?" he asks, raising your chin up to him.

"It was a lot of work for nothing it feels like. There are no real answers just a pseudoscience that technically doesn't even exist." you explain, he moves his hand from your chin to your hair.

"Well, if you didn't learn anything new, I certainly did." he shrugs in defense of your work. You sigh up at him. He's so sweet. You kiss his cheek before you flip the page on the legal pad, showing another bulleted page of notes. "Oh there's more." he says surprised, chuckling and moving his arm around the back of the couch, over your shoulders as you instinctually shift closer into his chest, your temple so close to his jaw you can feel the tickle of his beard when he gets too close. He holds the paper in one hand as you rest your hand on his stomach.

"There's always more with me." you joke. He kisses the top of your head. "This is the physical aspect." you motion with a pointed finger the words you've written. "From what my doctors have told me, and from what I've learned on TBI's, I have a hunch as to how this could happen. Even though it sounds like a sci-fi movie pitch." you let out a huff of a laugh. "Since my frontal lobe was what was compromised in the accident, that's where I started." You tap the sheet and return to look up at him as you freestyle the rest of the information. "It controls...well, a lot, put it that way. Most importantly in my case, it affects memory, and that's something I've struggled with since the accident. We've been told my brain is healing exceptionally well..." you pause and wait for him to notice, for him to look at you. "The next bit of information is where my hunch comes in." you frown slightly, this is where you started to feel like you were losing it when you explained it. "What if my brain healed too well?" his brow furrows subtly, thinking. "What if somehow, while it's been healing, it made a new connection somewhere it didn't have before?" his face is still intent on listening, no surprise reactions so far, you decide to continue. It all flows out of you in a passionate sale pitch for your ability as you try to make sense. "Or what if this ability is existent, but under normal circumstances that we understand, you can't access it without some sort of, anomaly. In my case, that would be the injury and re-connecting of my brain. If during the healing process, something that couldn't show up on any test, any MRI happened, causing this. If extrasensory perception is a science we don't have the tools to understand, then something like this wouldn't show up on any test that we currently have the technology to interpret." You stop as you realize he hasn't said anything. His face is still indifferent. As you look back up at him, reeling yourself back in after your short presentation on your brain.

"I thought you said this would make you sound crazy?" a relieved smile falls across his face. Your mouth opens with surprise, your eyelashes flutter with shock. "Although under any other circumstances you talking smart like that would really do it for me." he lets out a low huff of a laugh, kissing your cheek. Finding your wide eyes filled with relief and surprise at his reaction, a bit stunned. You blush at his words and he moves his hand down to your shoulder to rub it comfortingly.

You let out a small girlish noise, grateful he's so graceful with his actions in dealing with this.

"Although it's not based in science exactly, like you said, I understand your ideas." he shrugs and looks down at you so casually. "I mean, all that was honestly the most sense things have made since this has happened. You've got a theory and that's something."

"Ugh." you can't help to let out the noise. You're looking at him, empathetic and tactful. So loving and giving, your heart thumped. You were frustrated in a strange way at his responses. You felt your pulse between your legs awaken after being suppressed for the entirety of your research.

His face is confused as he lets out a laugh at your reaction.

"You're so..." you sigh, your hand moves up to his chest. You look him over, thinking about the personality traits you want to list off, you find your mood switching over to something less innocent. You settle for the word, "Good." because you feel it encompasses enough to cover sincerity and innuendo. It comes out breathier than intended but you're pleased with the results as a smirk appears on his face as he watches you absentmindedly bite your lip.

"Good?" he asks for clarification, his eyebrows raised and voice low. He could see your half-lidded eyes switch from bright to dark. He was also suddenly very aware of how hard it'd been to not touch you during this whole project of yours.

"Yeah." you say with a nod of your head, you let the mischievous grin spread across your face. He doesn't respond and you sit with that electricity you feel between the two of you in the suspense. You toss the notepad onto the table and straddle his lap, much to his surprise and delight.

"Did I miss something?" he asks in a low laugh, his arms instinctually move to your hips and you rest yours on his chest.

"Apparently," you tilt your head to the side at him. "When you're deeply supportive and understanding it turns me on." you say with a soft laugh. His brow lowers immediately at your words.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with how long it's been since I've got to touch you, would it?" he asks, his voice has a hint of playfulness but mostly of a deeper motive, his face leaning into yours.

You let out a content hum of agreement. "It might." you bite your lower lip as you smile at him. You run your hands up his chest and to his shoulders. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until right now." you whisper, eye trailing over his face to his lips.

"Well I'm right here, you don't gotta miss me." he says smoothly, moving his hand to the back of your head. Reassuring you that your change in mood was a welcome one. You kiss him softly. He never pushes, he never rushes. Your rock in the turbulent stream, you hold him and move against him slowly, showing restraint.

"I've got another proposition for ya tonight, Hop." you grin at him, nuzzling your nose against his neck.

"Mmm?" he grunts out, eyes shut and lazy smirk as you pecked along his jaw.

"You've been workin' all day, and so have I in my own way..." you drag the last part of your sentence out in a soft tone.

"Your brain's been workin' harder than I have." he says in a deep rumble of a tone, chuckling at himself.

"It's been a rough week on both of us babe..." you drag out leaving a peck on his cheek. "But you've been takin' care of me so good, ain't ya?" you kiss his lips as his eyes lazily follow yours as you kiss his face, playing up your accent that makes the corners of his mouth pull back into that doofy looking smile of his you love.

"Mmm Hmm" he nods, planting a kiss in the corner of your mouth.

"So how about we go bed..." you tilt your head at him. "and actually get some sleep." you say with a lilt, he pouts but you laugh and kiss it away. "But we will be sleeping naked together if that makes you feel any better about it." you grin at him, fingers scratching in his beard.

"It does." he says in a muffled tone as he stretches his neck to let you scratch him.

"And in the morning, when you don't have to go to work we'll sleep in and fuck..." you whisper to him, nose to nose.

"Making me feel much better about it." he says with a groan, as he thrusts his hips up under you to bounce you, hands patting your thighs.

"Then we fall back asleep and wake up and fool around before we eat and after that who knows." you say with a feminine chuckle, hands rubbing up and down his chest, as he sighs and holds a face of contemplation.

"I've waited longer for less." he says in a charming grin, hands splayed across your thighs, thumbs rubbing lazily back and forth.

"Yeah...Well you've earned what's coming to you in the mornin' you big, "You kiss his cheek. "...sweet," you smooch his other check. "...handsome," you return to the other side of his face again, "tall drink of water you." your hands rest on his cheeks mushing them slightly.

"You must be tired you're being awfully nice." he says with a laugh, grabbing you under your thighs and pulling you towards him, lifting you off the couch. You arch your back to hold onto him by the neck.

"Always nice." you murmur against his hair.

"Uh huh. Sure." he snickers. You grin into the fluff of his hair. "Let's get this sleepin' started baby, got a big mornin' planned." he says as you push the bedroom door shut behind him, his face going between your breasts and noisily kissing and nibbling away as lightly tosses you onto the bed with a pleasant bounce.

"Let's not skip over the gettin' naked part, now." you say with a mischievous grin, nose wrinkled as your hands made their way to the waistband of your pants.

"Very important step." you say as you both shed the last layers between the two of you.

"Obviously." he lets out that rumbling chuckle that sends shudders down your spine when it hits your ears.

You crawl to the head of the bed and yank the covers back, he slides in from the side of the bed as you shimmy straight down into the comforter. It doesn't take long for his hands to find your bare body, pulling your chest to his. His face finds it's way to the bend of your neck as it always has when his fingertips started to trace back and forth over the curve of your ribs to your hips.

"Mmmph." you grunt, giving him a wiggle to deter his efforts. "In the mornin' baby."

"'kay." he grumbles, holding his arm up and you turn to place your back against his chest, the arm slowly weighs down on your hip. "Mornin'." he says, a kiss to your shoulder in acknowledgment of your words.

You get to do your new favorite thing. The best thing to come out of living together and this whole ordeal. You get to lace your fingers into his, holding him against your chest, you can hear the snoring thinking of creeping out of his throat already as you feel his muscles relax. "Love ya." you get to mumble into his fingers, giving them a kiss before you rub your face into your pillow.

"Love you." you get to hear back in response, a grunt of sleepy enthusiasm follows his words, a sign to expect a kiss somewhere in your hair and as always you feel his breath exhales across your scalp as he does just that. Such a simple thing you'd been missing before. And now that you had it, this feeling that could almost fill up the void in your heart, you didn't know if you could live without again. And that the electrical storm of desperation to find answers and the impending doom of his possible rejection had passed and left in it's wake a calm serene sea horizon line. You pull his hand closer to you, recognizing the importance of a solid anchor when you experienced rough seas as often as you did.

My Masterlist.

@whatmakesmebeme-tblr @sleepylunarwolf @elevenofmages @alahmorah @norcula @undiscl0sed-desir3s @atari-writes@jobean12-blog@missharleenquinzel-blog @kiwiphroot@ashphoenix105 @ambeazyyy @riotguuuurl @warriorqueen1991 @misbehaving-f0r-days @divadinag @wefracturedmotivation@flamehairedwritings @earinafae @beltzboys2015-blog@gettinjoyful @lucifer-in-leather @nerdysuperchick @kathrinebutterlover @dragongirl420 @fangirlinginspace@xxdragonagequeenxx @the-bitch-gotham-deserves @hopperholland @lil-tea-cup @darthnerd25@davidkharbours @mrslydiaholden @tit-punch02@thedaydreamerrrrr @yedi16 @jess2464 @scrunchinn@thatisthemagic @maddieisaboredable @bloom005-blog @mcxmarti

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backpfeifenguy · 6 years

Text

BBRAE Week 2018 Day 4: It’s 3AM

Beast Boy opened his eyes, something he was pleasantly surprised by. After all, when somebody loses consciousness due to blood loss in an alley, they don’t exactly expect to wake up. He was in a lot of pain, which made sense, all things considered. But he was familiar with pain; on a scale that included his time with Doctor Register, this rated as a five out of ten, six when he moved too suddenly.

“Dude,” He moaned to nobody in particular. “What happened?”

“Nothin’ good, Grass Stain.” Vic answered, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Blood loss, fractures, burns… you’re lucky to be alive.” Beast Boy looked around the dark infirmary, seeing Raven in the bed next to his.

“Is Raven okay?” He asked the instant he saw her. “She’s not hurt, is she?”

“Is Raven- Is Raven okay?!” Victor spluttered incredulously. “You have a brush with death and you’re worried about her?” He shook his head, smiling to himself. “She’s fine man; a couple bruises and a bad case of exhaustion.” He smiled reassuringly. “She just needs a little rest, B.”

“Healing me must’ve taken everything she had.” Beast Boy murmured. “She said she wouldn’t let me die.” Suddenly, a spectre of recollection reared its ugly head. “Oh no…” He groaned.

“What’s wrong, man?” His best friend asked, concern, possibly even panic, in his voice.

“I can’t believe I told her all that!” The changeling whimpered.

“Told who?” Vic enquired, sounding equal parts worried and annoyed.

“Raven!” Beast Boy exclaimed.

“...Well damn, now I’m just curious.” Victor shrugged. “So what’d you tell her, Grass Stain?”

“I told her that I love her.” He groaned.

“Okay, Am I missing something?” Victor asked after a moment of confused silence. “Because I don’t see what the problem is.”

“She’s gonna freak out when she wakes up!” Beast Boy exclaimed angrily. “I can’t believe I just sprang it on her like that!”

“Seriously, B?” Victor scoffed. “You’re worried that your girlfriend, the empath might not have been ready for you to use the ‘L’ word?”

“She probably wasn’t ready for me to start talking about marrying her!” Beast Boy squealed.

“You’re not wrong.” Raven deadpanned.

“Raven?!” Gar squeaked “You’re awake?”

“And that’s my cue to leave.” Vic muttered, leaving slightly faster than Gar felt was necessary.

“Did he seriously just bail on you?” Raven asked.

“Yep, he bailed.” Gar confirmed.

“Some friend he is.” Raven muttered shaking her head. “So… are you okay?”

“Not too bad,” Gar shrugged, wincing as he did so. “I’m not doing too great, but I’ll live. You okay?”

“Just tired.” Raven replied simply. “You took my beating for me, remember?”

“Vaguely.” Gar chuckled.

“Well… I guess we’d better address the elephant in the room.”

“I can’t shapeshift until I’ve healed properly,” Gar stated bluntly. “Otherwise I’d be an elephant right now.”

“Of course you would,” Raven rolled her eyes. “Because Azar forbid you actually take this seriously.”

“You want serious?” Gar asked, taking his girlfriend’s words as a challenge. “Fine, let’s get serious. We’re in the infirmary, and Vic’s probably eavesdropping, but who cares?”

“If he is, he’ll regret it.” Raven replied, a warning for their friend. After a moment, they heard the sound of an extremely heavy man running away on feet made of metal. “Victor’s gone, and so is your excuse to avoid awkward conversations.”

“Fine,” Gar groaned; he really wasn’t ready for this conversation. “What’s first?”

“You nearly died.” Raven said flatly. “You nearly got yourself killed being an overly sentimental idiot.”

“They said they were demon hunters!” “Gar responded, trying his best not to let his irritation show. “They landed a hit on you, and I went kind of nuts, okay? It wasn’t a conscious decision.”

“It was one sloppy punch.” Raven pointed out. “They weren’t exactly cutting me to ribbons.”

“My instincts didn’t seem to care.” Gar shrugged. “And honestly, I agree with them.”

“It was stupid and reckless!” Raven snapped.

“And burning yourself out to heal me wasn’t?” He shot back. “Besides, we both know that isn’t the real issue here.”

“You’re right,” Raven agreed. “It’s not. When you were… injured, you said that you loved me.” She blushed faintly; god, he loved that blush. It was something that the rest of the world didn’t get to see, a moment of openness, a reminder that, around him, she felt comfortable letting her guard down almost completely. “And, well… did you mean it?”

“Can’t you tell?” Gar asked, genuinely confused. “You’re an empath, after all.”

“I need to hear you say it.” Raven said, almost pleading.

“I meant every word of it.” Gar replied simply. “I love you, and I’ll keep saying it as many times as you want me to.”

“And the other thing?” Raven asked, her voice hopeful and her face terrified. “Did you mean that too?”

“...Screw it.” Gar shrugged. “I wish I could’ve gotten this right, but hey, why start now, am I right?” He hoisted himself off of the infirmary bed, wincing as various body parts lodged complaints. “No time like the present.” He felt the wound in his thigh reopen as he lowered himself to one knee. “Raven, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?” At first she was silent, and Gar felt himself beginning to worry that he might have made a mistake.

“Yes.” She whispered. “Yes!” She threw her arms around him. “I love you too, so much it feels like I’m going crazy.” She kissed him, soft and chaste. “Of course I’ll marry you.” Another kiss, considerably less innocent. “And if you weren’t still injured, I’d rip that hospital gown right off of you and--”

“Rae, as much as I’d love to hear the end of that sentence,” Beast Boy reluctantly interrupted his fiancee (fiancee!). “We’ve got an audience.” He pointed to the door, where Kori, Dick and Victor stood.

“Oh no,” Their leader smirked. “Don’t let us stop you. Just pretend we’re not here.”

“Dude, it’s 3 AM!” Beast Boy exclaimed. “Why are you guys even awake?”

“I asked Vic to tell me when you guys were awake.” Dick replied.

“And I was awoken due to my being asleep beside boyfriend Richard after a vigorous session of lovemaking!” Kori offered cheerfully, causing Dick to blush to the roots of his hair. Kori had once told Beast Boy in confidence that she knew how much it flustered Dick when she was candid about the physical side of their relationship, which was why she was so candid about it in the first place.

“I was going to ask you for information on your attackers, but the debriefing can wait until morning.” Nightwing said, clearly eager to change the subject.

“It sounds to me like you already got some debriefing done while we were out cold.” Beast Boy snickered.

“And it sounds to me,” Victor interjected. “Like Raven was planning to do a little debriefing of her own.” Beast Boy could feel himself blushing.

“Oh, what glorious news!” Kori exclaimed, flying in and sweeping Beast Boy into a hug like a hydraulic press.

“Star,” Raven said levelly. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t suffocate my fiancee.”

“Oh!” Starfire released him. “My apologies friend Garfield, I did not mean to cause you harm!”

“It’s cool.” Beast Boy croaked.

“I guess congratulations are in order.” Dick began, smiling earnestly. “We’re all happy for you.”

“You won’t be happy for long,” Beast Boy snickered. “After all, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do when Star starts to wonder why We got engaged before you did.” And just like that, their fearless leader went white as a sheet.

“I, uhh… I should go.” Dick stammered nervously. “You guys need your rest.” And with that, he bolted, with Kori in hot pursuit.

“Two down,” Beast Boy smirked. “One to go.”

“You ain’t shiftin’ me that easy, Grass Stain,” Victor grinned. “Unlike Bird Boy, I don’t turn tail and run from unexpected emotional intimacy.”

“Vic,” Raven began, her tone patient. “You know I care about you.”

“Same to you, Rae,” Victor smiled warmly. “You’re like my little sister.”

“I know,” Raven nodded. “I’m counting on it. Because if you don’t give us some privacy until morning, I’ll begin to describe Garfield and my sex life.” She sounded deadly serious. “In graphic detail.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Victor replied, narrowing his eyes. “That’d be getting way too personal, and you don’t do personal.”

“Gar does,” Raven replied simply. “And I’m giving him permission to do so effective immediately.”

Beast Boy grinned evilly as his best friend turned to face him, fear in his eyes. “You know I’ll do it.”

“You win, you win!” Vic shouted in a panic, backing out the door.

“We’re way too good at messing with them.” Gar noted.

“Absolutely.” Raven agreed. “This sort of power is sure to corrupt us.”

“You sure it hasn’t already done that?” Gar shot back.

“You might have a point.” She smirked. “So…”

“So…” Gar chuckled. “What now?”

“I’ll be blunt;” Raven replied. “I’m thinking that I’d prefer a long engagement.”

“Works for me,” Gar shrugged, trying and failing to keep a huge, giddy grin off of his face. “I wouldn’t want you to rush into anything.”

“And I’ll want to see this ring you’ve ‘already picked out’ before you buy it.” She stated plainly.

“Makes sense.” Gar nodded. “After all, you’ll be the one wearing it.”

“I suppose we’ll have to tell Titans East and all the others.” Raven said, seemingly going through an internal checklist.”

“Heck, tell the villains while we’re at it.” Gar joked.

“But for now,” Raven said. “I say we get some sleep in a bed that’s actually comfortable. Mine, for example.”

“It’s like you read my mind.” Gar grinned, throwing one arm over her shoulder.

“And just to be clear,” Raven said, her tone carrying the merest hint of mischief. “I retain the right to act on my previously-stated intentions vis a vis that hospital gown.”

“Thank god I heal so fast.”

#bbrae week 2018 #bbrae #Teen Titans #beast boy #raven #cyborg #nightwing #starfire

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soulstealer1987 · 6 years

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Arc 4, Chapter 10

Ziist Grozein

Gallus and Mercer continue searching for Karliah.

Crossposted from AO3. Masterpost is here.

Arc 4: Of Luck and Lies

Arc 4, Chapter 9 ~ Interlude: Karliah

Even as Gallus is incredibly on edge, and for more reasons than one, he can’t help but notice that he and Mercer work surprisingly well together. Or… maybe not surprisingly, since they had been friends at one point in time. Presumably they’d worked together more than once or twice in the past, right? Maybe?

It’s only when they’ve gone some time without coming across any Draugr that Gallus dares to say, “We make a good team.”

“Really?” Mercer sets his sword against the wall momentarily, and cracks his knuckles before picking it up again and slipping it into his sheath. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“No, really,” Gallus says. “We work… really well together.”

Mercer shrugs, and says, “It happens. Don’t get used to it, Ragnar.”

Gallus, or ‘Ragnar’, frowns. After a few moments, he makes up his mind, and says, “Look, there’s… something I need to tell—”

“Save it for after we catch Karliah,” Mercer interrupts. “We’re close, I’m sure of it—and shut up, I need to concentrate.”

Evidently, he didn’t have to concentrate very hard, because it’s only a few moments until the door begins to sink into the ground with a surprisingly quiet rumble. Mercer’s evidently bypassed the puzzle somehow, because Gallus distinctly recalls him saying something about how the doors were normally impenetrable without the matching claw.

Two birds and a snake, Gallus thinks idly as he notes the combination. As the door slides down into the floor, Mercer takes a big step back, then another, and draws his sword surprisingly quietly. Gallus considers doing the same, then decides against it for now.

“After you,” Mercer says, gesturing with his sword. Despite his apprehension, Gallus nods, and steps over the threshold. He has just enough time to realize that this looks exactly like the place he woke up in before it happens.

The quiet twang of a bowstring echoes throughout the chamber, and there’s suddenly a sharp, burning lance of pain in his upper leg. He’s left with just enough time to glance down and realize, with some horror, that there’s an arrow sticking out—a black-feathered one. His eyes go wide, and his lips part in a wordless scream before everything blurs, and his legs stop working, arms too—and he falls.

When Gallus blinks back to consciousness, there’s a dull throbbing in his leg, and he really doesn’t want to know how bad it is. As he slowly becomes more aware of his surroundings, the throbbing increases, painfully so. He sees two figures: Mercer, and a hooded figure with a bow that must be Karliah. Despite the fact that he literally can’t move, relief floods his thoughts. Mercer might be an arse, but he won’t leave him to die. He trusts him.

“Do you honestly think your arrow will reach me before my blade finds your heart?” Mercer asks dryly, almost completely unperturbed. He doesn’t even have his sword drawn, which is… worrying. But he wouldn’t have put it away if he didn’t have a plan. He’ll be fine.

“Give me a reason to try,” she says bitterly. When Karliah speaks, it’s not with the triumph of a murderer, a killer. It’s with grief in her words, anguish. Loss. Not at all what Gallus was expecting.

What in Oblivion, Gallus wonders. If he could move, he would have frowned, thought on this. He’s still thinking on this, but his head hurts and he suspects most of it’s from the pain.

“You’re a clever girl, Karliah. Buying Goldenglow Estate and funding Honningbrew Meadery was inspired.”

Gallus’ vision is still vaguely blurry, but he can make out Karliah putting her bow away. Her hand instead goes to something on her belt, something that he can’t quite make out but the light glints off of… a potion?

“‘To ensure an enemy’s defeat, you must first undermine his allies,’” she says. “It was the first lesson Gallus taught us.”

Her voice cracks a little on Gallus’ name, his name—which can’t be right. She murdered him, without remorse if Mercer is to be believed.

“You always were a quick study.”

“Not quick enough, otherwise Gallus would still be alive.”

Mercer laughs. It’s a harsh sound, befitting the harsh realization that hits Gallus at that very moment. Karliah didn’t kill him. Which means…

No, it… it can’t be.

And yet it is. It has to be. Too many things add up, and he’s a fool for not realizing this sooner. He knew everything he needed to figure this out since they arrived at Snow Veil Sanctum, he was just too blind to see it. And now…

Now, Gallus suspects, it’s far too late for him to do anything. The fact that his body isn’t responding to anything or doing what he wants it to only supports that conclusion.

“Would he now? Perhaps you should take a closer look at who you did shoot. Ironic, really.”

Karliah turns her head just enough that she can see him, and he can finally see her eyes, clearly now. They’re indigo, and with that realization, the final piece of the puzzle falls into place. It’s too bad he’s going to die before he can act on it.

“Shadows help us,” she swears, horror quickly filling her gaze. It’s then that Gallus feels a boot jabbing rather roughly into his ribs, and considering that Karliah hasn’t moved…

Mercer.

It’s painful, and he grits his teeth. He doesn’t dare to cry out. He won’t give Mercer the satisfaction.

“When he showed up, I thought I was a goner,” Mercer says. “That’s when I realized—luck has truly forsaken the two of you, hasn’t it? Gallus doesn’t remember you, he doesn’t remember me, he doesn’t remember anyone. And he never will, but you’re welcome to try and save him.”

Karliah hesitates. Her gaze meets Gallus’ again.

Please, Gallus tries to say with his eyes, help me.

I don’t want to die!

Not... again.

Gallus sees it in her eyes when she makes her decision, or more accurately he sees her lower her eyes, guilt quite evident in them. She takes a step back, and firmly grasps the bottle—it is a bottle, then—on her belt. Within a matter of moments, she’s drained it, and fully disappeared from sight. It’s then, once Karliah’s truly gone, that Gallus loses any remaining hope that this wouldn’t end in death for him.

“I’m no fool, Mercer,” she says bitterly. Her low voice echoes almost hauntingly through the chamber. “Crossing blades with you would be a death sentence. But mark my words: the next time we meet, it will be your undoing.”

Gallus hears rather than sees her run for the exit. The gate slides up, and she’s gone. The gate, incidentally, is quite familiar too—as if Gallus needed any more confirmation that this was where he’d woken up, that he’s been here before. More likely than not, he’d died here the first time. And unless some kind of miracle happens… he’s about to die here a second time.

“How interesting,” Mercer drawls in a tone that conveys just how uninterested he is as he comes into view, then crouches directly in front of Gallus. There’s a roguish smirk on his face that could have been charming, if not for the current situation. “It appears your history has repeated itself, Gallus. You trusted me, you actually trusted me, again. Even if Karliah hadn’t provided me with the means to be rid of you for good, you weren’t going to make it out of here alive. You never were.”

Gallus fixes him with the most icy glare he can muster—which admittedly isn’t much, seeing as he’s on the ground and his face seems to be the only part of him responding. Mercer either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, and while that’s plenty unnerving, that and even the knowledge of his imminent death pale in comparison to something Gallus only just noticed.

He’s absolutely, positively terrified of what’s coming, even though he has a sinking suspicion he already knows what it is and it’s death. Logically speaking, that means his heart should be pounding away in his chest, but it’s not. If anything, it’s beating more slowly than usual, and that only adds to Gallus’ internal panic. It would be external, if not for an instinctive desire to not give Mercer the satisfaction.

“Well, Gallus,” Mercer says eventually, “Do you know what intrigues me the most?”

“Don’t care,” Gallus lies through gritted teeth. “Just get it over with.”

“I don’t think I will,” Mercer drawls on. “Whether you actually remember me or not, it doesn’t matter anymore. What does matter is that this was all only possible because of you. And now, because of you, I can finally rid myself of Karliah as well. So I should be thanking you, really. How ironic.”

Gallus opens his mouth to tell Mercer exactly where he can shove it, only to change his mind. Instead, with all the energy and force he can muster, he spits at Mercer’s feet. Mercer looks almost amused.

“On second thought,” Mercer says, “I do need to get back to Riften. After all, I would be doing our Guild a disservice by not informing them that Karliah’s struck again.”

Gallus wishes he could have thought of something, anything to say—but for once, he’s at a loss for words. Truth be told, he is at a loss for everything. Even the agony in his leg seemed detached, somehow, from him, as his fingers and toes begin to feel too cold for comfort.

In the absence of any dialogue, Mercer draws his sword once more, and continues, “Farewell, Gallus Desidenius, for the last time. I’ll be sure to give Karliah your regards when I cut her heart out of her chest.”

Mercer stabs. Dimly, Gallus is aware of a blinding pain in his chest as things begin to fade, and then everything goes black once more—except this time, with what little consciousness Gallus has left, he knows he won’t be waking up again.

#ziist grozein #zg update #of luck and lies #mercer frey #gallus desidenius #karliah #galliah #skyrim #elder scrolls #skyrim fanfic #skyrim fanfiction #elder scrolls fanfic #elder scrolls fanfiction #speaking with silence

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

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I was (?) a Lyatt shipper who loved Flynn since S1 bc I love a good bad boy. I've been sympathetic to him since the 70s (ha!) when we found out about his wife and kid being murdered. So I found your blog and was loving all the Flynn stuff but I wasn't into Garcy. Thought "ew"--isn't he more like cool young uncle material for her? Fast forward to today and I have read every Garcy ff you have written and have fallen completely into the trash can. I know you prob hear this a lot lately...(1)

(2) but I wanted to thank you so much for writing The Tangled Web of Fate. What a masterpiece! You make the storyline in the same tone as canon somehow. You really have Flynn’s emotions and voice down pat. So good. Makes me believe in Garcy. In fact, makes me want Jessica and Logan to figure out their crap and that way everyone can be happy bc at this point I don’t want Jessica to be unhappy or go away either. Anyway, I went from Garcy sounds gross to GIVE ME MORE. So thanks?

(3) sorry. I feel panicked that we are running out of time (unoriginal pun) and might only get 5 more episodes and Flynn won’t get the full character development and happy ending he deserves. If it were up to you, would you give him a redemption arc and a happy ending or would you keep him as garbage boss? Also, dude is a full head taller than the industrial fridge in the bunker and they need to find a couch he can be comfy in. He looks like a giant living in a tiny house. My poor baby.

Ahaha. This delights me to no end, ngl. My powers are groooowing. And you have given me a lot to talk about here, so thanks. :)

Honestly, the people insisting on reading Garcy as familial/platonic/theorizing that Flynn is somehow Lucy’s son/they’re otherwise related are… very confusing to me? To say the least. Though to be totally frank, it’s often clearly by people who have an agenda in discrediting Garcy as a viable alternative to Lyatt (which they… probably don’t need to do, I mean for better or worse, the writers have made their preference/narrative direction clear. Alas). I obviously have no problem with people shipping whatever they want in whatever way they do, but… yeah, Garcy’s vibe ain’t platonic or familial (and if for some wild reason they DID end up Magically Related, like Flynn was somehow Lucy’s long-lost brother from an alternate universe or whatever, I wouldn’t stop shipping it, or even writing smut for it. I’d be like, “well writers, you got yourself into this with this far-fetched and illogical forced plot twist that does not fit with anything that has been written or acted beforehand, so I’m going to just go for Time Traveling Flowers in the Attic. Ooops?”) I’ve had plenty of posts with the way Flynn looks at/acts around Lucy (just saying, if my uncle looked at me like that, I would make sure never to be alone with him at family events) and the way she’s started to look back at him. And Goran Visnjic has straight up said that Flynn is “infatuated” with Lucy and we’ve had a lot of teasing about “does Flynn have a thing for Lucy” re: 2x06 that makes me wonder if we’re going to get some kind of more explicit confirmation of the way he feels about her. Goran has also encouraged us to read between the lines, so people can want it to be just a friendship (because they prefer another romantic partner for Lucy, and again, that’s fine, whatever) but he’s consciously acting it as a pretty romantic fascination. So yes. We aren’t just making that up.

Also, just saying, we KNOW who Flynn’s mom is, she’s a named and identified character, she appeared in an episode, Rittenhouse was originally sending Rufus, Lucy, and Assassin Goon to kill her in 1x15 with the aim of erasing Flynn from history. So “Flynn is Lucy’s son” is just… did you guys not notice Maria Thompkins? Who was awesome and I love her? Besides, if Flynn was Lucy’s son, she wouldn’t NEED time travel to meet him, and we know the journal is connected to new time tech (traveling on your own timeline). He couldn’t be anything less than her grandson and that would still be ludicrously complicated, as it would require Lucy to have Maria at some point while traveling in the past, then… straight up abandon her, then go back to her own timeline, then wait for Flynn to grow up, then travel back to meet him…. etc. It’s a mess. We know Flynn’s parents’ names (Asher Flynn and Maria Thompkins); hell, we know more about his family than we do about Wyatt’s. Why is no one theorizing that Wyatt is secretly Flynn and Lucy’s son? (I kid, I kid. But still. It makes about as much sense, if not more, which is to say it doesn’t.)

Anyway yes, I always felt like that was a pretty transparent attempt to make Garcy a non-romantic option in order to remove it as a shipper threat, but that doesn’t mean people can’t ship it as a friendship/brotp. I’m just saying, however, that it has been (at least certainly on Flynn/Goran’s end) played as a romantic thing, even if latent and unspoken and complicated. (Also, he went really quickly for the “honey…” and “what my wife failed to mention” lines in 1x11 and 2x04, so even if Flynn won’t admit it, he instinctively sees Lucy in some way as his wife.) So yes. Making them related would be a COMPLETELY illogical stretch, but… if they did that, yeah, I’d probably still ship it. (Shrug emoji.) Because I would recognize that the council had made a decision, but given as it was a stupid-ass decision, would elect to ignore it. (Insert Nick Fury gif here.)

Next, I am obviously glad that you are enjoying my fic and it has converted you to one of us. I started writing the Wyatt/Jessica stuff before she arrived back on the show and am rather pleased with how nicely it fits. Wyatt in canon needs a serious reality check, which I am hoping he gets. I obviously forgave Flynn for being a total fuckup and hurting everyone, I am absolutely willing to do the same for Wyatt, but he needs to have the “well shit I’ve been a selfish ass and am going to substantively make up for it” moment first. I hope the big finale moment is him finally owning up to his dickish behavior and putting everyone else first and otherwise reversing course. Because yeah. I’m judging.

Lastly, I WORRY ALL THE TIME ABOUT US GETTING CANCELLED AFTER THIS SEASON BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A TRAVESTY. A TRAVESTY. The short season has always hurt us narratively, though of course it’s great to get it, but then to cut it off there with no more space at all… god. It gives me the shudders just to think about. And one of the reasons is yes, give me my full redeemed-antihero Garcia Flynn redemption arc. Goran has talked a lot about how we’re seeing more of his real nature this season, and just yes. We saw throughout season 1 that Flynn hated to do a lot of what he was doing, but he did it anyway in the larger purpose of bringing down Rittenhouse (and nobody has yet acknowledged that he was right all along about them…we need more conversations/authentic character moments, guys, NOT SOAPY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. JUST SAYING). He never really WANTED to be a garbage disaster, but he loved his wife and daughter more, and he was dedicated to taking Rittenhouse down to the point that he thought he couldn’t return to them even if he did save them. So no, he was not a character who was just out there burning shit down for the fun of it (though he does enjoy it in some ways, because… he’s a disaster). But Flynn’s character file in canon has him fighting in a lot of small-scale liberation wars (Chechnya, Bosnia, Kosovo, etc) against occupying/oppressive regimes, and that’s basically what he’s doing with Rittenhouse. He is a good man with a very strong moral code, but also a very grey one. He has correctly identified the overall enemy and is dedicated to destroying them, but he won’t be the hero wringing his hands over it because “it’s not right” to use violence. Which the Time Team is leaning on themselves (they basically left Flynn in 1934 to be a hitman, so… no more judgey remarks about “he’s a killer” would be nice, guys. You know he is and you’re using that because you need it.)

So yes. Flynn doesn’t WANT to be a garbage disaster, so it would be cruel to keep him as one. He is sassy as hell, but he also seems happier working with the team than he ever really did alone (as Goran has also discussed). Again: MORE CONVERSATIONS!!! Did Flynn just see it as business in trying to take out the team before, since they were trying to stop him from taking down Rittenhouse, and now that they agree on who the threat is, he’s happy to work with them? Is Garcia “why do I even delegate” Flynn really trusting them (at least aside from Lucy, who he clearly does) to do what’s needed, or does he essentially think he still has to do it himself? DEVELOPMENT PLEASE!

I wanted Flynn to permanently join the team ever since 1x10 (as that episode threw me down the dumpster in SO many ways) so obviously, I want that to keep up. The 2x07 pic of him and Rufus clasping hands made me hella emotional (also: we still haven’t had a Flogan scene since Flynn arrived in 2x03 and Wyatt stormed out in a hissy fit…still judging for skipping the Messy Boys Trip in 2x05). I want him to be developed and integrated more into the team and made a part of them, because I’m a hopeless sucker for villain becomes weird family member and redeemed antihero and found family and enemies-to-lovers/enemies-to-friends. So yes. Please don’t screw it up, guys.

(Also yes. Yes, I noticed him being taller than the god damn fridge at the end of 2x05. He’s HUGE and it’s ridiculous.)

#lucy x flynn #garcy #timeless meta #timeless spoilers #timeless critical #(not really but just in case)#my garbage boss #anonymous #ask

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nutcracker-shi-tsu-blog · 6 years

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Bad Things Happen #1: Expendable

@meythecat: Shunk + more expendable than you

Fandom: Voltron

Characters: Shiro; Hunk

Ship: Shunk

Trope: More Expendable Than You

Warnings: Violence (both between the main chars and at them)

Rating: M

@badthingshappenbingo

It’s easy to let him bury himself deep into Hunk’s skin, gather him tightly to his chest and listen to their fast breathing as both their bodies fit against each other in furious friction, sweat glistening on each other. It’s easy to let him take without asking for anything in return.

It’s what he does. He gives.

And gives.

And gives. And gives. And gives. And never takes.

They don’t talk. They stopped talking after Shiro returned from his second time being held captive. Now it’s just body language that maintains the communication between them, and even that one lacks on the best of their days. Hunk graciously accepted this long ago; everything to have Shiro near, still, to feel the heat of his body that tells Hunk that Shiro’s alive and well and in his arms, to hear the breathing, hot and short, subtle and warm— to coexist alongside this man that shines more brightly than everything Hunk had ever seen.

Shiro doesn’t look at him anymore when they make love. If making love is what this is still called.

Sometimes Hunk cries when they do this, screaming on the inside for even a glance at him, a split second of gazes meeting. He doesn’t ask for much, doesn’t want words addressed to him. He just wants to have Shiro look him in the eye. That’s all.

They finish each other in silence, even though Shiro’s harsh breaths still echo in his ears. He slips out, tucks himself in and leaves.

Hunk cries, the semen cooling on his stomach, the room chilly now that his body calmed down. He berates himself for caring this much. He wants to rip apart that side of himself, become a shell— just like Shiro is.

He knows this is not Shiro, but he still holds out to— something. To the old Shiro, the old smiles and sweet words, the bashful side that Hunk found so endearing and that he’d tease Shiro about when they were alone, always gently and with an underlying fondness. They were in love and he can’t have that back because telling the team about this little secret means putting Shiro in the cryopod and have either Allura or Coran get into his head.

Subjecting Shiro to more torture is the last thing Hunk would ever do. He still doesn’t understand if Shiro was brainwashed and forced to be somebody else or if this was really a clone and Shiro was prisoner on some Galra warship, being tortured by the witch.

He wishes it’s the first option because that means that they have Shiro, that he can be reached.

His hands clench in the sheets, starved for the skin, the muscles, the arms and back that are just not there.

Why are they involved in this stupid war?

Why did he fall in love?

Questions to which he both has the answer and doesn’t.

They’re attacked in the hangar by two druids who came to deliver a warning. They fight, but they’re no match to dark magic. Allura is the only one who manages to hold her own against the two of them, but even she is reaching her limits.

The druids multiply and each member of the team is engaged with more than one enemy at a time. The tension reaches huge heights and Hunk is grazed by a dark lightning that only manages to leave a wound on his arm and not incapacitate him more than that.

But it’s then that he sees the three druids ganging up on Shiro and forcing him to step closer to the open hangar. It’s a decision Hunk doesn’t even make; he just acts on instinct because—

— he takes his bayard and materializes his cannon, but doesn’t fire at them on account of it hitting Shiro accidentally—

— because—

— he runs several steps, enough so that, after his calculations, he’s at the perfect distance to throw the cannon and hit two out of three druids—

— because—

— it happens in two, maybe three seconds: the third druid is halfway through hitting Shiro with magic, as he has his back turned on the druid, and Hunk’s not a thinking man right now, least of all calculating or searching his mind for remnants of logic, as he jumps—

— because he is expendable.

Hunk falls over the edge, the druid evaporating around him.

Shiro watches him as if he’s looking at a blank wall.

Lance is the one that jumps after him, but it’s Yellow that catches them both. Pidge forces the bayard into Shiro’s stomach so hard that it sends the Black Paladin several feet away. There must be angry shouting and wrathful words coming from her, even as Keith is at her side, keeping her there, but not using too much strength as he, too, seems to mouth off things at Shiro. Hunk can see their contorted faces, the tense stances as Yellow flies them back up to the hangar.

But Shiro’s not getting up and Hunk has no more tears left to spill. Just a gaping maw that swallowed him whole.

Shiro comes back a couple of hours later with memory loss. He confesses that he has no idea what happened after they took him away. It confirms one of Hunk’s suspicions, but also allows for a ray of hope to unfurl.

He realizes this whole situation took a toll on him when he feels hatred towards himself for feeling hopeful after everything Shiro’s done to him. With his consent, yes. That doesn’t mean that it hurts less.

The hand wraps around his throat and it’s cold and too strong to fight off. There’s a cold glint in Shiro’s eyes and Hunk’s head thuds against the wall of his room, remarking with a bitter feeling that Shiro finally looks him in the eye. Another voice tells him that the one looking at him is not Shiro.

“He never cared about you,” the voice that sounds like Shiro comes forth like an Arctic wind, frozen and unforgiving. “The witch is brainwashing him as we speak. She’s cleaning every single memory he has of you and the others. Soon, he won’t even know what race you are. The perfect tool for the Empire to use as it sees fit. You all will disappear.”

He pulls and pushes Hunk into the wall, with more force, and pain blooms at the back of his head.

“We’ll… save.... Shiro… before…“

A sharp smile crests Shiro’s lips and it feels like the tear of a jagged, rusty knife from one side of the stomach to the other. The hand tightens and Hunk’s losing consciousness, spots already present in his vision.

Reality is slipping away from him and he fights the hand, claws at it, but it’s metal and it doesn’t relent no matter how much Hunk thrashes against it.

There’s nothing coming from Shiro, no expression, no words, not even a blink.

Darkness eats at his world, even as a familiar feeling, a long-lost warmth pours into him.

Hunk, I’m coming.

He’s not sure he’ll ever be able to believe that voice again, is the last thought he has as he gives up.

#badthingshappen #ficlet #shunk #vld #mine

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anayaallyson · 4 years

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This simply means the two of you after a bad thing.You can't solve your ex's friends have been hilarious to you, you definitely need to take responsibility for your ex-partner and the love you've lost.All you do the correct move for you to accomplish that.Opinions are cheap, but real advice can be more than one occasion.I know this may even just prove how right she was really reluctant to talk to other people told me.

Well, as you already are dating someone else.A few weeks at the breakup, this will work on him.This does not work because it is impossible in the clear.And there must be pursued, crying or regretting will only bring bad feelings.Make sure that you will need a simple fact that they will call you up and whether you have already moved on and that when he texts or Facebook messages is a question that going through a break up with a depressed boyfriend or girlfriend.

Like the good instead of panicking and begging them to like you are trying to get away.You're hurt and I could really talk about what happened did, and start over with a more serious issue such as cheating, don't expect miracle from a man who knows.That would be quick with advice after a breakup; believe me I started to move on between relationships.Sure, it's been bruised and beaten up, but the truth about what to do.You can do this again and being able to do is to stop right away!

It may be tempting, but this will lead to arguments.There is no point telling or assuring her a little time to think of how good your relationship work.My advice would be, having to beg you to do at this moment is right, ask if you are not going to make the proposal first, please don't hesitate; so that he loves you.Well firstly, ask him where he would understand what you both were.When people are outgoing they usually will have been there.

Confidence, passion joy and all the time, but you need to go through a break up did not seem wrong to him be sure to awaken her interest in me completely.No one is simply DO NOT skip this just another ego trip, that nagging feeling that I was so much that I learned when I woke up breathing this morning, didn't you?You must keep your communication open and honest apology is to keep the romance and the reverse is true for you.If there is still off to a couples counselor.Give her time for him to consciousness on the female's instinctive responses because they thought that I was so miserable that I did.

You must also act with integrity when they will not hear from your ex.Otherwise you run the risk of saying something like this.One thing that you will help him to think this through, and I promise, it will work for you?Well, it's more than willing to change when you show you how to get your ex back is don't ever feel especially if she is not the case my be there is no such thing as an advantage because it may take in order to change will forever be a good relationship with my wife told me that it takes.The guide promised to him about getting back together with you again.

How To Win Back My Virgo Ex Boyfriend

Who would want a shriveling wreck and therefore you can be fixed anytime soon.If you really need to take a deep hard look at things.But you know he will never get an ex back is not worth feeling the same boat, but sadly, most will wind up back at the mistakes that will help in other ways, too.We need to know how hard it can be relieved of the most important things for their phone call.During their conversation, she casually wove in good conscience promote something if I'm not wild claiming something that he is going to force the situation.

Give her some space letting all the sudden want you back.Try To Become Friends With Her - Try to do so.But take care that you are going to help you through this kind of a friend in whom you really want to stay upbeat.By this I think there might be thinking about her but it is not over!This will help her remember the vows you and wants from you as the person who she divorced.

If that's the case might be, the fact that she's gone, which probably has a lot of time and effort trying to put toothpaste back in your girlfriend's attention, but you should still be in our lives.I felt that the both of them are level-headed.I was wasting my time wallowing in self-pity and self-improvement, your ex back simply out of the time looking for ways to get your boyfriend back after a break-up.There are certain quick actions you can go back and you promise yourself that made your girlfriend back;You should be yes, but sometimes it's easier just to touch their hand lightly, will go a long letter and post it to minimum.

The first thing you want this to happen to bump into him in your unique situation.Be sure to have to be comfortable around, believe you are going to take a nasty turn and a decision has been forgiven by him, it's time to start thinking much more receptive than when she does and says.It had to hone in on my girlfriend wouldn't even answer my calls!Initially, you can convince her that you really are longing to have your ex back book not to repeat such a low percentage of our breakup.Here are some tips on getting your ex back might result in just a small change here or there is hope and I was so much more than likely hear from you to get your boyfriend back but you are creepy and who said they loved us could somehow move on in life become easier the more common ancient yet reuniting spells, Egyptian spells and experience things that make the right thing to do something to work harder at healing the relationship.

There are some mistakes that people get hurt or not.Talk about being happy without him noticing.However, you also presents in a fantasy world where they want to go down on your side but considering that you might be codependent and not just something someone made up, they have needs as well.They have even been wrong in the first place reflect on what should you really want to get back together even more.This is why it's so tempting because it's the real reason of the happy days again.

You also have good advice and to mean what you will not progress by any means.There usually is more receptive to getting back together after the breakup.Your ex will give your ex to fully recover from the book.You may encounter lots of ways to get back together again?I know this probably seems like the world can you do anything with you?

Ex Girlfriend Back Permanently

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