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#im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad.
unlimitedhorsepower · 2 years
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i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.
im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol
i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me
heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.
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she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.
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shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.
once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.
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This is for everyone who seems to be "struggling" with states + what I can suggest + My success story.
-Have you ever been one of those people to reach "that moment" in manifestation where you wanted to be, even if you have never either it doesn't matter. You know how much of an outsider and annoyed/obsessive over loa when seeing other people succeed and couldnt really find what would work for me. Sounds like you, huh? You are not the only one, I'll tell you exactly how to get out of there + master your manifesting skills and a bit of self-concept.
The. answer. is. staring. right. at your face.............................................Yes.
"But anon, wdym by that??" What I mean is that notice how all of these people who post their success stories are in the state of easy/effortless manifestation. Like they mention how easy it is and how effective it is. Thats because of their state, they chose to occupy the state of someone who does the bare minimum in loa and still gets wtf they want. It doesnt matter how many times you repeat your affs, persist, mental diet, you wanna know why you waste energy doing that? Is because your occupying the state of "difficult manifesting", meaning you obsess over it, you try so hard but "nothing" comes, you feel you need to do the most to get it. Notice how all of these points I made fall under the state of "difficult manifestation"?? if you were in that state, those things I just mentioned would've been what you experience. Why?? BECAUSE YOU OCCUPIED THE STATE OF SOMEONE WHO ISNT SUCCESSFUL IN MANFESTING!!!
A thing I def reccomend when using states to manifest is to understand the 4D IS THE TRUE REALITY AND NOT THE 3D. Yes I know you're tired of hearing the same thing but now that you have a shifted paradigm on states, it should be easier. What I did was know that the 4d is the blueprint, kind of put it on the pedestal but not in the negative way. It was a way where I didn't ignore the 3d and affirm against it, but focused on my 4d and stuck with it. Because "ignoring the 3d and affirming agains it" simply implies that your 3d is filled with undesirable things and you affirm against it.
Cause trust me I've been there when I say living in my 4d was making me crazy, but you know why it did? Was because I looked at the 3d for validation/ didnt trust what my 4d is saying. It's kind of like y'know when you like a guy/girl and your friend warns you to stay away from that person but you get annoyed at them because you think what they're saying is bullshit?? Same thing applies. If you dont trust your 4d and realise it creates the 3d and is so much more powerful than what you experience, when will living in the end ever be a fullfilling thing to do? Get it? "Fullfilled" LMFAOO I'm so hilarious, but enough of my corny jokes. Heres a summary
-Be in the state of someone who is a master at manifesting/self concept etc.
-Know that your 4d creates everything, when its done in your 4d, its done in 3d, a simple way to put this is just live in your mind because when you realise that, you change your imagination, you change your reality and there is so much power in knowing that.
-ANNDDD THENNN you can apply everything else like persisting, repeating affs etc.
I got perfect self-concept doing this, like I got compliments today and I felt so confident, I love the way I'm so pretty, like why am I so perfect and gorgeous?
I manifested many straight niggas to like me at my school (im black and gay) let me tell you!!! a nigga stopped and walked back and stared at me to see "Damn who is that??" I was laughing so hard.
Overall my life has improved, I get things to go my way and yeah. thats about my successes. I might start a blog but because of how disrespectful anons are Idk if I should.
-tysm lovies, stay hot nd mysterious, and know how powerful you are!!!! stop wavering!!!!!
omg, thank you so much for sharing this ! i hope this helps some people ! ♡
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webginz · 2 months
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i had the worst shower ever. i was like, tripping out. reminded me of my "episodes" i had in middle school. just like voices and not knowing where i am. and not being able to get back to reality.
well now im on my way to the dentist, theres no way in hell they wont be able to notice i was just crying. (from fear of going to the dentist, not from the shower thing lol)
im so scared :(
[took out a part here but it was just about stress and disordered eating things from this morning]
then i got to the dentist and it sucked. long dentist story ahead
okay dentist. everything that couldve gone wrong, went wrong.. i tried acting normal, and we had small talk or whatever like normal dentist x ray stuff, but she could instantly tell something was wrong with me, i guess.
she gave me a health form to fill out. i was still chill and this point and was like oh yeah i have blood pressure problems but its only if im up moving around!! so not doing that at the desntist hehe amirite?! i also checked anxiety and i think thats what she wanted. just personal confirmation everything was gonna go wrong.
after she learned i had anxiety, she was nice, too nice imo... like i was a child. im okay with that though i guess. (i mean.. she could definitely tell i was just done crying)
she was like "the xray blanket is heavy and could help with ur anxiety" BUT I WANTED IT OFF AND COULD BARELY TALK SO I JUST NODDED. it made me feel so overwhelmed immediately. THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED GOING BAD
im also just constantly aware of my hair and when you lean back on the stupid dentist seat my hat falls off. its like LOOK THE FREAK WHOS SCARED OF THE DENTIST AND PULLS OUT ALL HER HAIR!!
whatever. so there i am on the dentist chair. bald spots for the world to see. xray blanket sensory overload. sunglasses on top of my regular glasses. but im pushing through.
she starts using the tool on my teeth. a metal vibrating thing that sounds like a drill. my worst most awful fear is high pitched drilling noises. if im in a good mood i can put up with them for a bit, but obviously todays not that day. i try not to freak out, but she notices and asks if im okay and im like "yah" (with tears)
but then my mom comes in and shes like "can you not do it a different way?!?!" "shes freaking out" and just making everything WORSE. (used the chaos here to get rid of the dumb xray thing)
ive been on and off hyperventilating through all of this btw... i heard one of the dentist ladies say "shes crying and breathing really fast..." which was like. kill me now please god.
so back to my mom asking "can you not just do it a different way?" they do have a different way btw. without the scary machine! but then dentist lady says "she used this machine the last 2 times she was here? we dont have enough time to do it manually." (proof i was just having a bad day and i totally can be normal!!! but hearing this made me feel awful like i could feel all the dentists were thinking "she did it fine last time why is she carzy today?!?")
she then asked to step away to find the MAIN dentist lady.
at this point i was crying shaking hyperventilating and felt like i was gonna throw up from nervous energy. also my mom is pestering me a bunch (shes concerned but making everything worse, her hearts in the right place tho ily mom)
so big boss dentist lady is here. she says she looked at the xrays (from the beginning, remember?) and i have A GAZILLION CAVITIESSSSSS!!!!!
she says for my dental things from now on i should go to a SEDATION DENTIST!!!!
i was so out of it i didnt even know what to say. well now i do!!!
im not usually that scared. i was having a VERY BAD morning.
the dentist i go to now is all women. the sedation dentist is a MAN, that none of the women there had ever met. I HAVE TO GO MEET A MAN TO SEDATE ME SO I CAN BE ALONE WITH HIM? SO HE CAN DO MY TEETH? i might have a silly joking tone to this post but with this im being so serious. im scared as hell that thats just gonna end with me being raped.
i dont like male doctors/dentists/anything and always have my mom with me when i have to. there was a female assistant when i had my endoscopy and female nurses when i had my surgery. i dont want to be alone, asleep, in a room with a man i dont know. JUST BECAUSE IM SCARED OF THE DENTIST???
god i keep seeing stuff in the corner of my eye as im writing this. i think my psychosis is coming back for some reason.
every things going wrong today and forever
pls like/reply this post if you read it all im sorry for my ranting
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love-toxin · 2 years
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You’d defo be like I told you not to eat those three day old leftovers and he just moans more into you, wrapping his hands round his face even though he’s buried his head into your tummy, while your nice feeling hand is rubbing his. Definitely gives off all the small whines and sounds and maybe if it’s really bad gets a little sparkly eyed, looking up at you sadly and you just melt at his puppy eyes, doing absolutely anything to make your baby boy feel better
im absolutely weak 🥺
"you know I hate to say I told you so, but...told you so, honey. I knew that beef had gone bad."
he moans from within the confines of your stomach, face squished against it to block out everything but you. he's been laid out on his side on the sofa for at least an hour now, halfway into the fetal position with his knees pulled up almost to his hips, and one of his only comforts has been your hands on him--one of which is in his hair, stroking his curls and pulling them back from his sweaty neck, and the other having pulled up his shirt to bunch it around his chest so you can rub his belly in slow circles. the warmth helps, and so does your voice, even when it's gently reprimanding him. and Eddie's got his arms locked around your hips to keep you from leaving, even though you wouldn't think of it when he's in such a tender state, especially since it was your cooking that he had insisted on eating despite being reminded that it was way past expiration and should be thrown out instead.
but Eddie's comfortable with you, more comfortable than he can be with any other human being on this earth--more comfortable than anyone he's ever been with period. which is why he can choose to be vulnerable with you, to drop the theatrics he so often uses as a shield to deflect the stuff that really hurts, and sometimes make decisions that will really hurt him because he knows you'll be there to get through it with him.
"feel like a fuckin' garbage factory..." he pipes up, and mere moments after he trails off, an absolutely foul burp erupts from his throat along with an "oh, god" that almost makes you laugh, if not for how wretched the smell is that comes after it.
"you definitely stink like it!" you can't help a chuckle at least, but your hands don't stop caressing him, and if anything the one on his belly grows more firm as you try to calm that bloating that he's been cranky about for the last half hour. "did that feel better, baby boy?"
"don't call me that," he pouts, despite snuggling deeper into you and holding you even tighter. "m' your prince....your hero..."
"yes you are. my sweet prince who's stronger than any best before date."
"damn fuckin' right. I'm a badaaaaasss." if he could, you have no doubt he would be flexing his arm just to draw a giggle out of you, cause he's always teasing like that--but it seems like that self-inflicting joke is all he has the energy for, because he slumps into your hold and moves barely an inch once the words leave his mouth. you're certain he's tired, must be exhausted from his body fighting against him for that incredibly sweet if not very dumb decision.
so with nothing more to say, you keep touching his hair, keep massaging his tummy to keep away that horrendous ache that hopefully won't keep him up all night--because god knows that if it does, you're gonna have an even grumpier boyfriend tomorrow morning who's gonna demand even more cuddles to heal him.
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borathae · 4 days
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Chapter 11
You peek through the spy first. You aren’t that reckless. wattpad canon yn gotta learn from her
WHO IS IT?? no jimin pls old man?? is he evil and young like the queen in snow white
damn the familiar, letter and invitation everything just hits soo magical haha very old fashioned in a fairy tale way gregor pointing at himself is uwu pls im crying over a cute grandpa
“Ah, no don’t bow" ... “Of course Miss” .... bows again, same energy as dont apologize its ok, im sorry ..... oh sorry again
baby the old man is probably younger than him ACTUALLY NO ITS HIS DAD'S BESTIE family friends you know ahah haah ha 😃
Lace up boots with a petit heel and toe cap.OMG ITS SOO HOT MOMMY SHOES SHUTU P IM BARKING ALREADY ASAAAHAAJS
It looks handmade, all of it, DID HE DO THAT ?? “It feels wonderful on bare skin. You should try it out some time.” STOP I HAVE A LIFE Golden and the diamonds and pearls are clearly real. HOW RICH IS HE WTF
“Nope, I’m out”, you say and close the box quickly, “this is too much.” mood
OMG OUR BABIES FINALLY YAY HI KOOKLES
how did he not see/smell us???
“It’s pretty”, Jungkook whispers, fumbling with his thumbs. OMG HE SPOKE DIRECTLY TO US AND DIDNT RUN AWAY im selling my non-existent properties to him HOBI STOP TEASING THE BABY
“Two hundred bucks?” me if i win it: WE ARE RICH NOW WOOHOO
dont tell me hes gonna wear his old uniform haha “His grandfather served in the war. It’s his way of honouring him. Right Jungkookie?” right 😃😃💀💀 I bet your grandpa would be so happy to see you Jungkook” 😭😭 im dead pls
OMG TAE SEND US A WINK *FAINTS nooo we just got 2seokook for a second talk to them pls
what’s with this seductive intonation of ‘pleasure’ as if that means something to you?ofc she wont remember it ugh joon fuck you
poor yoongles being ignored tae: 😍 yoongi: -_- jimin: 😒 namjoon: 😏
FUCK OFF JAMAL boi wdym u can make it ur convo?? 👀😃🤨
ofc father louis williams suga adams junior the third wont like to dress up for the ball
It seems like everyone hated each other secretly and as if smiling was forbidden.  reminds me of tae saying friendship as a force of habit
hmm joon likes it U AINT FORGIVEN tho 😒🙄I TAKE THAT BACK
“Inspiring?” you make sure, laughing nervously, “you mean evil, don’t you?"  SIR??
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very evil vibes, no more daddy vibes marty im scared pick me up
“what’s Gregor doing at her place?” ..Taehyung seems…frightened TAE IS SCARED THATS IT BYE IM LEAVING TO UM IDK MARS
Taehyung seems to visibly relax, even going so far as to exhale in relief.  phew we got 2seokkook to save the day
“Will you children be quiet for once?” Yoongi growls thanks HE IS THE MAN ONCE AGAIN, solved jinmin's petty fight (major??)
“Why is everyone staring? Continue you with your pointless existence, will you?” KING SHIT YALL
He disappears behind a pillar and then you can’t see him anymore. boi wut where did u go???
TAE IS SCARED AGAIN???? WHY IS JOON ANGRY they are almost hypnotising you, “yeah, okay better this way.” ok again this hypnotizing shit aah
wow we are going to make out here?? ok i will take that haha im not confused anymore haha, jokes aside is he hypnotizing us? cuz she is taking more time to think and just easily disregarding everything else
who's close?? jimin and joon?? wow shit seems so intense wtf its just gifts?? unless tae is broke and he took a loan for it
holy shit tae could be a whole ass kilgrave with the mind control. How long does it take for the power to wear off? was jin also controlled like that?
fuck jin's doing the same thing except he is trying to calm her down
fuck im so confused scared and slightly pissed
WHO IS IT?? no jimin pls old man?? is he evil and young like the queen in snow white
lmoaoaooa imAGINE FAHSDF
damn the familiar, letter and invitation everything just hits soo magical haha very old fashioned in a fairy tale way gregor pointing at himself is uwu pls im crying over a cute grandpa
like it's so romantic JFADJFJ my bitchass would fall so hard for it JFJDASFJ
Lace up boots with a petit heel and toe cap.OMG ITS SOO HOT MOMMY SHOES SHUTU P IM BARKING ALREADY ASAAAHAAJS
HAHHHA Not you going into horny mode JFJDS
It looks handmade, all of it, DID HE DO THAT ?? “It feels wonderful on bare skin. You should try it out some time.” STOP I HAVE A LIFE Golden and the diamonds and pearls are clearly real. HOW RICH IS HE WTF
NO BUT IT COULD ACTUALLY BE THAT HE MADE IT HE IS ALSO WAY TOO RICH *sucks his dick*
how did he not see/smell us???
boy was probably well fed and not feral for onCE jfjasdjf
“It’s pretty”, Jungkook whispers, fumbling with his thumbs. OMG HE SPOKE DIRECTLY TO US AND DIDNT RUN AWAY im selling my non-existent properties to him HOBI STOP TEASING THE BABY
he is such a shy bean in SA I sob :(
“Two hundred bucks?” me if i win it: WE ARE RICH NOW WOOHOO
NO BUT ME FR bro no joke I spend 2.200 € yesterday on new photography equipment and I would literally kill to randomly get 200 bucks :')
what’s with this seductive intonation of ‘pleasure’ as if that means something to you?ofc she wont remember it ugh joon fuck you
like ugghhh rancid nasty
poor yoongles being ignored tae: 😍 yoongi: -_- jimin: 😒 namjoon: 😏
lmaooa for real fajdsf
FUCK OFF JAMAL boi wdym u can make it ur convo?? 👀😃🤨
BRO IS SO CONFIDENT LIKE BESTIE.
It seems like everyone hated each other secretly and as if smiling was forbidden.  reminds me of tae saying friendship as a force of habit
mhmhmmmmmmmm
“Why is everyone staring? Continue you with your pointless existence, will you?” KING SHIT YALL
HE IS SO ANGRY IN SA I WANT HIM
wow we are going to make out here?? ok i will take that haha im not confused anymore haha, jokes aside is he hypnotizing us? cuz she is taking more time to think and just easily disregarding everything else
like the hypnotising has to STOP
who's close?? jimin and joon?? wow shit seems so intense wtf its just gifts?? unless tae is broke and he took a loan for it
lmaoo imagine 😭😭
holy shit tae could be a whole ass kilgrave with the mind control. How long does it take for the power to wear off? was jin also controlled like that?
LIKE LISTEN HE IS ACTUALLY SO SCARY *sucks his dick*
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Ok so I’m the first person who wrote in about Danny thoughts earlier and here’s one of the ones I had yesterday but it’s kinda long winded and has like none of the good parts that a whole fic would but if it does anything to you like it did for me maybe that’s where you can come in and make it better 😂
So like we already know Josh is BIG cause he puts it all out on display in that frickin jumpsuit every now and then and it makes me go crazy. But I like to think that Danny is secretly just as huge if not more so cause he’s such a large human in every other way and maybe it’s just my inner size kink coming out but I just want this giant curly headed beauty of a man and his hopefully very well endowed genitals to ruin me into next week please.
Imagine, if you will, just watching him at the end of the bed throwing his hair up in a messy bun with his lil bangs out before he grabs you by the thighs and drags you down to where he’s kneeling so he can eat you out like he hasn’t had a meal in days and make sure you good and satisfied before he even thinks about his needs (which are probably slightly uncomfortable at this point but I also like to think he’s a giver like that and doesn’t mind).
And then he flips you over and props you up with a pillow or two under your hips for a better angle since he’s so tall before he begins to fuck you so good from behind while he’s standing at the end of the bed. He’s grabbing your hip with one hand for more leverage and pinning your arms behind your back with his other. And he’s so big that it stretches you out in the best possible way and gets so deep while barely even trying. It’s all so good that he’s knocking the air out of your lungs and has your legs a quivering mess.
When he finishes he’d lean right over you and place hot steamy kisses along your shoulder blades or the back of your neck in between grunts of pleasure as his big hands release your arms to squeeze your ass. After taking a minute to regain some energy he peels his sweaty body away from yours and slips out of you before stepping over to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. When he comes back you’re already starting to doze off and you haven’t even moved a muscle yet cause I feel like getting fucked by Danny would honestly wear me the hell out like this.
So he wipes you both off a bit and stands where your face is turned to kiss your forehead and make some joke about how “it looks like someone’s ready to pass the fuck out” before you quip back with something like “cmon I know this was just your plan to make sure Im too sore to go on that hike we talked about tomorrow”
He pulls the pillows out from under your hips and puts them back at the head of the bed before hopping into his side and extending a hand for you to grab and help yourself crawl up so you can spoon together with him completely encompassing you in his size and warmth and presence ugh
FUCK OKAY- i- the first thing I thought of after I finished reading this, was Danny just fucking me completely to sleep.
I have a strong feeling this man can go ROUNDS.
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ceilingfan5 · 11 months
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hellooo!! for the ask game:
i think everyone should have a cat au, where one or multiple of the main characters turn into cats somehow and everyone else has to cope
nyeheheh >:3
VERSION ONE:
taako turns into a cat sometimes, kravitz is very affectionate about it but also Taako He Swears To God (i actually made a post about this a million years ago, where sometimes taako just. polymorphs into a cat and flops in kravitz's lap when he needs a bit of physical reassurance but can't quite articulate it...mmm)
taako is also a fucking menace and the more recently he's been a cat the more likely he is to fully give into the impulse, already barely restrained, of just knocking glasses off of tables, biting people, taking shiny things and keeping them forever, and so on
he especially likes to climb on kravitz's shoulders in cat form and rub against kravs stubble <3
VERSION 2WO:
the tres horny boys get fuckin wizard blasted into being kitty cats and cause absolute havocmayhem on the moon. magnus has the zoomies. merle is eating the house plants. taako is. shit does anyone have eyes on taako oh lord
VERSION THREE:
The IPRE gets bond engine blasted into goddang warriorcats but theyre so bad at it. i mean lup rules obviously, she'd be In Charge in days. you aint never seen meow meow war like this. who taught the fight kitties horrible magicks and foul language. how could this possibly happen. something something firestar
barry is the kitty pettest. i could make a swimming/riverclan joke but to be honest im only a warrior cat fan in law, i don't know that much and mostly i am imagining barry trying to catch a fish that's bigger than his fluffy kitty body and getting absolutely trout slapped
magnus has a lot to say about how he wishes he was a dog instead but fucking loves it
dav is a feline mastermind. he also has the tiniest little legs. mr. murderbritches ass. you know he could take you down but the awww response cannot be denied. lucretia also has kittypet energy. she wants to know Fucking Everything the medicine cat knows and is like, furiously trying to figure out the world logic that makes this society even semi-functional. it drives her nuts that merle just accepts the medicine cat stuff. she goes on a field trip to learn about cat hell and nearly doesn't come back
taako loves having a tail. i mean i tend to have my elves have tails anyway but like. goddamn imagine having a tail. now im jealous
version FOUR:
everybody at the BOB is cats suddenly EXCEPT our main characters, which is so fucking funny. the three of them are up to their elbows in kitties and magnus takes herding cats very seriously. merle is like. listen. what if we didn't fix this problem. and gave up. and taakos like TOO RIGHT until he has a squidward moment and is like wait. director kitty cat can't sign my paycheck. guess we're going on a wizard quest
Version Five:
angus is a shapeshifter and taako finds him asleep on the world's softest blanket and purring and has a Fucking Emotional Moment that will never, ever be spoken of ever again
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roboyomo · 5 months
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MY MIND IS JUST INFESTED BY THESE TWO GUYS ATM RIGHT BEFORE BED AND IM SAD THAT I DONT HAVE ANY NEWER ART OF THEM I ONLY HAVE THE OLD STUFF I NEED TO DRAW THEM MORE AGAIN
okay this will turn into a quick rant about them so uh the first guy is Amor (real name Bao), who has an absurd hair length (perfectly laying on the floor) and he wields a human sized axe and he was originally the lead scientist and the founder of the laboratory of the clan in the lore (this will make zero sense but ill explain it all later at some point i swear) in attempt to change his negative attitude towards meeting new people, and help them with the discoveries, the research and the inventions at the lab only to trust one wrong person (its kenix his uncle) and literally have everything he built be crumbled into small pieces and now he is so shaken from the incident about how people dont trust him at all now that he almost changes as a person from this 21 yr old guy who loves science and tries to be more open to people to a guy who will be a killing machine once he will be blinded by his hysterical moments of anger, hating his body so much, thinking it is no longer his but a "monster's" to the point of upon seeing his own reflection in the mirror, he breaks it with his bare hands (he still tries to keep a facade of a great leader to try and regain the trust from society of the afterlife but the rumors about how 'dangerous' he is have already done great damage). amor can be immature with his jokes and stuff but he can be a totally caring and loyal person when treated right but no one except few people know what a real person he is, just an enthusiastic curious scientist at heart who wants to lead others into the bright future with him and the bright smile on his face but the anger and the grudges, and the hidden emotions and feelings keep holding him back from being able to finally heal
second guy is apollo who is a more opposite to amor. he is a calm and kind person (so kind that his kindness gets taken advantage off by the people he thinks he can trust but theyre pretty much using him for their own gain, except for amor and the other clan members, not lab coworkers)
even tho hes different compared to amors more high energy personality, he is amors best friend since childhood (since they were 10!!) and are pretty much canonically married (both are 21 yrs old physically). apollo and amor both founded the lab together promising that they would help others. After Amor's incident which is just the entirety of "Inspiration"s Peak Insanity story chapter, Apollo was pretty much the only one actually working at the lab but then he also got fucked over by the narrative (got cursed and while cursed and not even being in charge of his own body, killed the souls of his already previously dead parents and little sister, listen this is complicated but theyre all these afterlife human(?) beings that if killed, are gone into absolute nothing) and he was already sad enough about them, this only made matters worse as he started to think that he deserves to be dead just like them and how "he should be punished eternally for this sin". he makes a new routine for himself to distract him from his despair only to start overworking himself until he does not know about the concept of "free time". he also has this feeling that he has neglected this whole time but it is his wish to be loved and valued for who he is and not the sweet facade he is putting on but deep down he knows that this facade is who he truly is, he is just so lost in himself that apollo is not able to recognize who he actually is
despite their problems amor and apollo both have their own perspective "you saved me and you helped me so much i wouldnt be the same without you" view on each other since childhood and everytime they are able make me sad
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hailieshapedbox · 1 year
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my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try
this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.
idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.
ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.
i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always
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qualityrain · 1 year
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ive heard of honkai impact but i never really got a look at the actual game itself whats your favorite guy like??? how do they work with the plot?? love you bye<3
there is sO much to say and absolutely nothing at the same time
this isnt going to be coherent at all
whats your favorite guy like???
this is going to be very inaccurate because at this point i cant tell what is canon or not + rlly disorganised
tbh. like a generic emo guy. a family guy. ride or die. his love language is dying for you. actually really chill??? and like kind of straightforward (at least to one of the main characters in the game. whether it is for plot or an actual character trait nobody knows) shows no emotion whatsoever(never explained). will kind of crack jokes. highly efficient, won’t do more things than necessary(this is definitely canon). hasnt slept well in like 10 years (vibe). takes promises really seriously. the i owe you and i WILL pay you back guy. he’s an older brother. has STRONG annoying little brother energy with another character that is literally my favourite dynamic in this entire game with 5mins of screentime together. a piece of shit. will talk stupid shit to lighten up the situation. he will do anything for his goals(probably). this guy definitely has trauma and mhy wont ever address it and he’s repressing it like crazy. like has this dude ever processed the whole i almost fucking died and everybody i love is dead thing properly yet. i could tell you his height but not his birthday. its 173cm. i refuse to believe he’s taller than 170cm. there’s probably more but i don’t know what else to say. this guy’s barely a character in the game, there’s absolutely no depth at all. all i have are vibes and my brain ran with it and now this guy has been in my head for 2 years now.
how do they work with the plot??
short answer: they don’t.
long answer: his role in the plot is to parallel another main character(mei) and it is done so so so soooooooo poorly. he appears in one (1) arc in the game and appears in 2 chapters and its imo the worst arc in the entire game and its almost irrelevant and every new chapter that gets added makes me wish more and more that this arc doesn’t exist. I genuinely do not know why this parallel needed to exist like. why? why do we need this parallel to see the main characters with an outside perspective?? there’s probably a reason its just this arc is terrible. they couldnt even get meis arc right in this arc like its sO BAD.
mei has this whole ass scene where she just accepts having to kill this guy!! my fave!! the blorbo!! shes like oh i cant hesitate anymore i have to do this for my girlfriend(basically)!!! AND THEN SHE HESITATES AGAIN AND DOESNT KILL HIM AND IM SO SO UPSET AND ANGRY BECAUSE WHATS THE POINT. she has this whole moral dilemma of ohh noo if i kill this guy its like im a hypocrite or smth cos im doing the same as this guy but i gotta to protect somebody i care about!! for this arc and then SHE DOESNT KILL HIM. he dies another way!!! resolving to kill somebody is not the same as actually doing it!! im so upset abt this because its so. whats the point of the whole scene where mei literally collects herself to strengthen her resolve to not hesitate and kill this guy and shes like oop i guess i wont!
im going to be real i try to forget as much as i can from this arc because i hate it and its probably all wrong and inaccurate but i still hate it to bits and i wish mhy wasnt scared to make mei commit murder
this isnt proof read at all this is a word vomit ive spent over half an hour on this and 3 days thinking abt this. there are definitely things i wanted to add and forgot almost immediately.
thanks for the ask!! 🫶🫶🫶
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dumbbitchfrommars · 3 months
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"princess diana"
why is my making an effort to look and feel pretty, when i am in a low place, trying to break away and distract myself from the seemingly endless stress and turmoil my life is right now, exactly WHY is that such a fucking crime?
why is it that i feel like such a caricature of a woman when i make an effort to feel in touch with my feminine side? why does it feel like an overcompensation, an oversaturated and overdone attempt at hiding behind a costume? why when i look at my sisters in their many different states of being, does it all seem so effortless, when all i want is to feel like myself, like my best, like im beautiful too.
why is it such a crime to want that feeling of security and safety for myself?
i am completely afraid of going on this trip and having to face my true self, to be vulnerable with a person i dont trust and avoid completely, to know that everyone sees the block that i have in me and how pathetic it is that i can barely break through. like they all clearly have. because theyre all so fucking emotionally grown.
apparently i hide behind my maturity to avoid my wounded inner child.
all of the sudden im walking around with a target on my back.
maybe i was too quick to stop seeing my psychologist?
cause right now all i feel is rage and frustration and pain. because i really do feel like im alone, and no one including myself can make me feel safe. yet all i have ever done is try to make everyone else feel safe in my presence. when will this energy be returned to me?
why is it such a crime to ask for these things for myself? why am i so unworthy? because i dont have a fucking second to be alone when its all i fucking crave from life? for the past month all i have wanted was a second to return to myself. to workout again, to do yoga again, to go for a walk with myself again, to appreciate the lovely little beauties in life that only i can share with myself because there is no one else like me. to see from the perspective that i lost and quickly became more and more restricted the more i felt in survival mode. trying to rush to get every task done. every task that no one else would ever do.
right now it feels like no one truly appreciates the uniqueness of who i am. they just see all my flaws and weaknesses. i guess trying is not good enough, i guess something has to change.
somethings gotta give.
my best change comes from distancing myself from external energies when i come to these roadblocks and uncomfortable feelings within me, but it seems like distance could be a hard thing to reach at the moment.
even the fucking cat doesn't like me.
nobody likes me when im miserable.
its the cold hard truth.
nobody likes you when youre miserable.
sorry! dont like you. good luck with your depression and anxiety. youre on your own now.
i understand in a sense, not having the time or patience for it. i feel like maybe when you reach that plateau of spiritual growth you do tend to step up on the pedestal above all the puny, pathetic undeveloped non-spiritual folk.
what makes them any different to me in this scenario?
not nice being the one below looking up huh.
the difference between me and the people who i cut off - people i slowly distanced myself away from and never once was hurtful or bullied, just genuinely stop resonating with and took the step back from - is that i am making an active effort to try become better.
but apparently my own timing doesnt work for you. apparently my process doesnt look like yours and therefore is not valid. and so i become the butt of a joke that im not laughing at. or i am... because im a people pleaser.
fuck my life.
am i not allowed this one moment? this one reprieve from the shittiness of my situation at the moment to be completely and annoyingly drained, pathetic and enraged? is that not allowed anymore????? let me fucking live my life! this was my first day off in god knows how long, and i still ended up with a schedule jammed full of plans to run around doing things for other people!
im supposed to be writing my FUCKING THESIS!!!
my fucking fucking fuckoubgrafubnbge thesis .
AND OF COURSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF MY DUMBASS COWORKER OVERCHARGED ME WHEN I CAME IN SPECIFICALLY BUYING A PRODUCT FOR THE FUCKING DISCOUNT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh.
its so exhausting to carry all these pent up emotions around with me. like a child. a child who doesnt know what to do with it all because its too big.
the most hurtful thing to me is that no one shares my unconditional love and adoration for all small humans and animals. especially dogs. even the ones who claim to be the closest to me, my best friend, sisters. to not share it, to not even acknowledge it in me, to reject that part of me. to judge that part of me. who the fuck do you think you are? claiming to love me and not see that side of me. to not want to see it. to ignore it. to reject it...
some part of me... i think its my inner child. its a part of my inner child. but not me when i was little... me when i was bigger, but still little. she wants me to sit it out tomorrow. to leave myself out to send the message that im hurt, and im angry, and i dont want anything to do with people who hurt me. that they have done something wrong, and should know that something is wrong, but i wont tell them why.
then theyll ask me what happened, and ill say nothing even though its something. and hold onto that pent up resentment until the next thing goes wrong.
or i tell them, and its explosive, and messy, and poorly executed, and very well mean the end of the relationship in its entirety. all for a small moment that triggered an insecurity in me.
god im so sensitive. im so sensitive but no one wants to see it. no one wants to acknowledge it. because my walls are so far up that i wont let them. and when they notice... well. i guess it doesnt matter.. because ive been hiding so long. im always hiding. whenever it shows, its rejected. i keep feeling so rejected. what the fuck is going on with me...
i feel like a pathetic child.
im hurt.
im tired, im exhausted, im burnt out, ive overextended myself, all i want is for things to be light and fun again but it feels like it never will be. it feels like it wont get better in time for the trip or the festival. it feels like im gonna let everyone down. it feels like im just one huge disappointment.
what happened to not taking things personally?
i keep thinking that to myself. but thinking it and embodying it are two different things. im repeating the words to myself like a whisper in the background, as i watch myself continue to fall deeper into this despair of "why me?" like a viewer behind a TV screen.
i actually have noticed ive been disassociating a lot more than usual lately. im just mentally checked out. i wish i could just... disappear somewhere. somewhere totally isolated where i could be by myself. maybe ill get that at the festival. maybe what i feared, being abandoned, will be exactly what i need. to just float in the water and stare at the sky for as long as i need to forget all my problems.
i dont know whats going on with me now but i just hope its over soon. i hope its over before it gets bad enough for me to revert to my old ways. i just want to be okay again. i just want to feel safe again, and to not be afraid, and to not be angry, and to be in love with life again. to be in love with myself, to accept myself, to not hate myself, to not be angry with myself, to not feel like its all coming apart, to not feel like im doing it all wrong when im giving it my all.
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chelleztjs18 · 1 year
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Hello you mrs. honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😌
I have been sleeping early than usual actually. I think I am just ready for the last few days to past but it feels like the week is dragging lol
Oh wow that is pretty late. I'm surprised that Emily had energy to open presents and play at that time hahaha I would have been telling her to go sleep or santa will take the presents back lol just kidding I wouldn't do that to a 2 year old.
By the way, has it snowed there yet?
That's exciting! Are you guys going to just drive to Texas or fly again?
I tried moscow mule once.. was not a big fan of it 😅 I think I only really ordered it for the little mug hahahaha 😆
Same, I think most places that I've been to that served tiramisu only uses sponge cake. Yeah, I'm planning on making that mango dessert again but with less condensed milk. I am already too sweet. Hahahaha just kidding 😂
CA does have a lot of filipino places 😭 my uncle lives there and I want to visit him next year so that he can take me to all the restaurants that have good filipino chefs. Here there's only one place I know that was open a few years ago, but I don't know if they still are after the whole covid thing 🥲 there is a lady that I found on Facebook that caters and does pick up orders for filipino food though. I ordered her food once and it was decent.
Do you guys have Indonesian snacks that you'd recommend? Since I can't find any Indonesian restaurants here, I may be able to get snacks at the small oriental store we have in Omaha.
Hm that's interesting 🤔 all your movie choices have barely any dramatic scenes. Have you always been like that, not wanting to cry because you think it shows weakness? (Sorry if that came out bad and rude, I don't mean to be rude)
I have to think about mine too because I am drawing blank for 3 movies. I can only think of one that always make me cry and that's the Phantom of the Opera - the part where they sing all I ask of you and then the ending part around where Christine kisses the phantom.
Next, name 3 movies that you could watch on repeat and never get tired of.
By the way, I made a separate account and started writing! Well I don't know if you'd consider it writing, but I posted mostly conversation stuff between r and characters (mainly Wanda).
-CuriousGeorge
Hello hello corn-punn!
How r u today? Aw thats no fun u sleep earlier than usual.. just kidding.
Why u cant wait for the days to past? R u that ready for new year? 😆😁 whats ur plan for new year?
Haha yeah, i let her play but then she followed whn i said it's time to bed..thank god..hahahha.
No, it hasnt been snow or anything here..im so upset right now..🙄 it's not even that cold here.. only 66.
We r driving to t3xas.. it's only 3.5 hours.
Haha i love moscow mule. It's one of my favorite cocktails. I have a set of the copper mugs n the shakers. My husband gave me. Lol. I guess i love moscow mule that much that he gave them to me.lol. my most favorite drink is apple martini and a cocktail named buttery nipple 😅 (it's baileys and butterschotch schnaps).
Haha i used to joke like that about me being too sweet already n thats why i dont need any more sugar on anything 🤣
But i agree with u, u r a sweet person so dont put too much condensed milk,okay?
Hmm right now i cant think of any snacks.. i like Beng Beng it's like snickers but more chocolaty n less caramel. I like the superman wafers.hahah. there is this sweet tea it's called teh botol but it's in a box 😅 it's my favorite. It's very famous there.
Ah i see. Yeah sometimes facebook have some information of our country food..sometimes it can be pricey though. U can google indonesian food n if u have any questiom about it, u can ask me.
Yeah,i'm always like that. I guess it's because i try to look strong in front of my sister. U know, to be a good example for her.
My sister is more expressive than i am. I would try n pretend to be strong until i break down n even that i usually choose to be alone when i have a break down. 😅
So it will hurt my pride too if i cry just because of movies.
I love phantom of the opera.. n that All I Ask Of You is one of my favorite song from that show.
3 movies i never get tired to watch..well,since im in the mood of rebel so i will give u more than 3. 😅😆
1. The Proposal
2. White Chick
3. Any modern family episodes
4. Devils Wear Prada
5. Age Of Ultron
6. Greta
7. 13 Going 30
8. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
9. Hot Chicks
How bout u?
Next questions
Cheerio!
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books-and-catears · 3 years
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Hihihiiiii!!!!! Omg I'm so excited to ask this one-> ok so can you write/headcanon the Brothers and Undatables in a situation where MC can't swim and the brothers + undatables don't know it until one of the squad (Solomon's voodoo) picks MC up and throws them into a pool/fountain on the deep end as a joke? And MC drowns?
Bonus if anyone aside from Satan, Leviathan, and Lucifer know CPR and double bonus if Beel manages to rebibe w/o cracking a rib on MC!!
Aww heyheyhey!!! We love excitement in this house yes we do. Thank you so much for the angsty ask!
It got a bit long so I'll do it in two parts! I hope that's okay? Also I hope I can do it justice :3
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It was a summer afternoon in Devildom. Diavolo had invited the whole gang upto his castle. Solomon had recently told him about pool parties and he was excited to try it out.
Everyone came in, already having the time of their lives splish splashing in the water, or going ham on Barbatos and Luke's snacks.
You were there, dipping your feet in water, enjoying the cool feeling between your toes. Everyone kept inviting you in the water, you tried to put them off by saying "Maybe later!"
You could have just said you couldn't swim. But that was too embarassing to admit, so you just shook your head and splashed water at them instead.
Mammon and Asmo were splashing water on you, so you didn't see the Little D's sneak up and hoist you up from behind. Before you knew it, you were sent flying headfirst into the water. Maybe you should have told them, you thought.
Maybe that would be better than the endless blue, the distinct lack of air and burn in your lungs as you tried hard to swim to the surface and lost all energy.
(Part 1: The Brothers)
Lucifer
"MC enough playing around. Come Bach up now." Got tensed when you didn't Immediately float up to the surface.
"MC?" He dived in to check on you. His eyes grew wide when you saw struggling, flapping your hands and feet aimlessly.
"MC HOLD ON!" The panic in his voice was muffled by the water. You felt your body being held and pulled up to the surface.
"MC? MC can you hear me?! MC!" You felt someone shaking you, their hands warm on your arms. And then your lips turned warm.
You'd recognise that kiss anywhere. It was more urgent this time, as Lucifer tried his best to get air into you.
"Luci... fer.." You choke out before coughing violently and spitting the pool water everywhere.
"You're okay..." He lets out the biggest sigh of relief. He holds you tight in his arms and takes you inside to dry you off. "I thought I lost you again..."
"Whoever is responsible for this," The suppressed rage in his voice sounded deadly, "will pay for it."
Mammon
"Oi human! Are ya sulking down there?!" Mammon joked as he dived downwards to bring you up.
"They got ya pretty good huh-" He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the state you were in. Your eyes closed and your limbs horribly limp.
"MC! MC WHAT HAPPENED?!" Mammon grabbed you and pulled you up instantly. Even in your dazed state, you could feel the pounding of his heart and the cracking of his voice.
"MC not again please not again I'm sorry I'm sorry please wake up..." He was crying now. His tears and hands were warm on your skin as pushed at your chest cluelessly.
"THEY'RE NOT WAKING UP! LUCIFER SATAN DIAVOLO SIMEON SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!" He was frantic and clamping his mouth on yours now, gasping more than blowing air.
You coughed and sputtered eventually. "Mammon... you...are exceptionally bad at CPR." Mammon hid his face in your shoulder and hugged you like there's no tomorrow.
You laugh and try to tell him you're okay but all he does is hold you and cry. "I'm the worst protector...I'm so sorry MC.."
Leviathan
"Welcome to my turf, MC!" Levi laughed as he waited for you to float back up. But you weren't. Are you stuck on something? He sees air bubbles on the surface.
He dives down and swims towards you swiftly. "MC OH NO! WAIT MC IM COMING!" He darts to towards you and gets you out the fastest.
He starts to tear up and panic cause this is just like that sad anime "Lost my Best Friend in the Deep". Embarassment be damned, he can't let you go.
He urgently called for his brothers for help and fumbled with you held tightly in his arms. He pushed on your chest and watched the water sputter out.
"MC?? You're okay now, right??! MC!!?" The urgency in Levi's voice caught you off guard. You open your eyes to see him teary eyed and sniffling.
"I'm okay Levi..." You say, your hand reaching to hold his face. He breaks down at your touch.
Pressing his face harder into your hand and crying. He's so glad you're okay. "I thought I lost my best friend...don't worry MC, I'll teach you how to swim!"
Satan
"MC, you do know how to swim right?" Satan called out to you, right after the splash. There was something about the way you fell that made him feel uneasy.
When you didn't float back up, he immediately dunked himself downwards, only to see his suspicions were right.
"MC! It's okay it's okay I've got you!" Satan's arm wrapped around you as he pressed a warm kiss on you under water. The flames in your lungs died down a little.
He rushes you upto the surface and lays down gently, tilting your head at the optimal angle.
His mouth is on you again. Urgently breathing life back into you. He also had spells ready in case this usual way didn't work.
"Satan...? You...thank you.." You said tired as you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around him weakly after vehemently coughing.
He lets out a sigh of relief and bumps his lips against your head softly, cradling you in his arms. "Why wouldn't you say that you couldn't swim? Don't do this to me ever again, MC, you're all I have..."
Asmodeus
"MC darling, no need to be embarrassed, you looked so cute when you fell like that! Come up now!" Asmo giggled as he watched the water, waiting for you to come back up.
He gets panicky when you're still not up yet. Swims down as he quickly as he can calling out your name. "OH NO! MC WHAT'S GOING ON?! MC!"
He reaches for your hands and starts tugging you towards him. Why are your eyes closed like this? Why have you gone limp?!
He pulls you up to the surface, frantically calling out to Satan and Solomon for help, all the while bouncing you in his arms like a baby as a attempt to gain conciousness.
He's full on sobbing as he Solomon gives you CPR. The moment you cough and sputter, he pounces on you, his head pressed against your cold chest, now rising and falling normally.
"Asmo... don't cry...I'm okay.." You say weakly smiling and trying to hug him back, running your hands in his hair.
He holds you close and presses kisses on your whole face."MC! You gave me such a fright! Don't do that again please, MC! I can't bear the though of you gone again!"
Beelzebub
"Ah I'm so sorry I couldn't catch you MC" Beel even had his arms outstretched so he could catch you before you fell, but he missed.
He's fastest to get to you after Levi. "MC? Are you okay down there- MC?! Why are you being like that?!" He gets frantic and scoops your limp body in his arms.
This is his worst nightmare. He urgently gets to the surface panicking inside. "MC..please wake up.." He calls out sadly, as he gently lays you down.
You're barely breathing. He knows what he has to do. But you're so fragile compared to him he doesn't want to hurt you.
He tries as gently as possible to push against your chest to regulate your breathing again.
"Beel..Beel..." You cough out his name as you reach up to hold his face in your hands. He stops immediately and engulfs you in a hug.
He doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to. His teary eyes and tight grip as he lifts you up and takes you inside the house to feed you, says everything you need to know.
Belphegor
"MC you're so easy to sneak upon hehe. Come here and lie with me." He was just snoozing at the edge, smiling down at where you just fell.
What's taking you so long to come back up?He impatiently dived downwards to find you. And he was horrified by what he saw. "MC?!Damnit MC, why didn't you call for me!?"
He hoists you into his arms and tries giving you a kiss of air like he'd seen in Levi's shows. Still unsure of what to do, he just hurries you up to the surface.
"They were struggling to swim. Something's wrong. Fix them please. Fix them fast." He said, calling out to his brothers. He held your hand shakily and lay next to you, as Beel gave you CPR. His grip tightened once you started coughing.
"Belphie... I'm okay..." You squeezed his hand as tight as you could. He hid head in your shoulder before picking you up in his arms.
He wrapped you up in a towel and tried to make you fall asleep in his arms. "That was a horrible feeling. I don't want to feel that again." He mutters to himself while holding you closer.
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rommahh · 3 years
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Love On Tour…Actually
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{Im sorry for how late this was. I went to the show Friday and honestly, it was the best day of my life. I had a little PCD which made me super unmotivated but I’m back. I love you all, R}
You woke up a little grumpy, you won’t lie. You didn’t like waking up alone especially on a show day. It made you uncomfortable to be left to your own devices without any structure or schedule. You understood that Harry was a busy man but it would’ve been nice to receive some text so you could plan your day accordingly.
Sitting on the couch in the lounge of your hotel room, you chowed down on leftover pasta while watching Netflix on your iPad. You had yet to receive a text from Harry even though you had texted him hours ago when you woke up. It was hard to tell if he was ignoring you out of anger or if he was simply just lost in track. Either way you felt dejected.
On the other hand, Harry hadn’t even noticed that he iced you. He was busy running around Nashville trying to get things ready for tonight’s show. He bought you a new dress and shoes, and got the ring fitted. It was hard to figure out your ring size but he end up measuring your finger when you were passed out asleep in bed last night. When you slept, you slept and he knew that would be the perfect time to measure your finger.
Harry was so busy that morning, that by the end of his errands he realized he didn’t even have time to go back to the hotel before rehearsals. He was sporting a small cough and his vocal chords felt overworked but that’s all apart of tour.
Pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walked into the arena, he dialed your number quickly. He had people trying to talk to him but he paid them no mind.
“Oh? Would you look who’s here?” Harry’s head shot up to the sound of your voice. There you sat on his dressing room couch, arms crossed over one another as you glared at him. Your gaze burned through him and he could just tell he was in trouble.
“Hello lovie.” Harry rasped.
“Harry you sound like shit but here you are up and about running around. You should’ve slept in this morning.” Scolding as you stand up to walk in front of him. Harry could feel the anger radiate off of you but you hid it well. He melted into your hands that cupped his warm cheeks.
“I had a lot of errands to run and I didn’t want to wake you. Also it’s just a sore throat from singing and traveling- comes with being on tour.” He mumbles dropping his head into your neck. You caress the hairs on the back on his neck and massage the tense muscles.
“You’ve got to think about yourself more, Harry. You have a show to put on but you can’t put on your best show if you’re not at your best. I am not happy with you at all.” Even though your words were scolding him, you held him your arms in the most soothing way. That’s what Harry loved about you, you cared for him like no one else could (aside from his mom). You could tell him off with your harshest words but he’d always feel your love from miles away.
“You’re right love, sorry for not keeping in touch today.” You hum in acknowledgement. You both pulled away from each other when his driver walked in with Harry’s abundance of bags. “Thank you, sir.”
“What all did you buy?” You ask walking towards the bags. Harry’s arm shot out in front of you making you stop. You looked up at him in shock. “Fine be secretive.”
You huffed before making your way back to the couch. Harry rolled his eyes at you, making way to his shopping bags. Plucking the bag from Nordstrom he plopped it down on the table in front of you.
“I just didn’t want you snooping at some other stuff. I bought you this, for tonight.” He sat down beside you, thighs touching leaving no room between you two.
“Im not trying to be mean. Just a little peeved that you left this morning without telling me. You also have a cold and I wanna take care of you since you won’t do it.” A hand rubs his forehead luring his eyes shut.
“Sorry baby, I thank you for caring so much.” He whispers sleepily.
“Im always gonna care for my bubs.” Kissing him on the lips, your turn your attention to the bag. The small grey bag had light tissue paper covering the product within the bag. The tissue falls to the floor as you dig into the bag. A silky champagne dress, folded neatly to decrease wrinkles, sits in the bag. The dress was soft and you knew it was loose enough to give you the room to dance. Soft snores escaped the boy beside you- the exhaustion evident on his face.
You pull the dress out of the bag and walk over to where his outfit of the night hung. The dress was hung beside his to be steamed for later. Turning around, you smile at the sight of your curled up boyfriend. Your heart hurt knowing that in a few minutes he would have to go rehearse.
Harry sleepily went through rehearsals sitting in a chair the whole time. He knew his stage cues and performance, he only had one more thing to rehearse but it required for you to not be in the room. He gave one look to Jeff to signal him to get you out. Jeff made up some excuse saying that he needed help with some social media post for the show.
Before the show, there was a catered dinner from some local restaurant. Harry ate a light meal of fresh vegetables and a sweet iced tea which has grown on him having lived in the states for some years. You ate grilled chicken and fries enjoying the free food. The two of you ate alone in his dressing room- wanting a moment of piece before the crazy.
“How are you feeling?” You ask Harry. He shrugs, he was more nervous than anything but you wouldn’t understand why if he had told that to you. He felt floaty. Tonight would be a game changer, a step in a whole new direction. This is something he’s wanted to do for years now but it’s finally happening, and he’s scared.
"Im ok, a little tired but what else is new. I can't wait to sleep all night and cuddle with you." He grabs your hand from across the table. you squeeze it, frowning at his revelation.
"I don't like that you're so tired." You worry, his hand squeezes yours in reassurance.
“Im ok, it’s all apart if the job.” He looks down to your bare ring finger, thumb brushing over the empty spot. Your nails were done in your favorite way, some funky pattern you found from Pinterest all painted on short coffin nails.
“I love you Harry and I’m so proud of you. I know that these years put us both in a bad place mentally but I’m happy of where we are now.” Harry could almost tear up to your words. They settled into his mind, resonating. He was making the perfect decision and you solidified that ideal.
2014
Harry didn’t know how they did it. A show every night, a new state everyday, a new country every few months- he was burnt out. He was tired of shared tour buses and the lack of autonomy. Last nights LA show was amazing, the crowd was amazing, the energy was amazing- so why did he feel so horrid?
He walked around in The Grove, security guards walking in front and behind him. He wanted a peaceful day alone but here they were. Fans watched suspiciously trying to decipher if it was Harry or not. His hat and sunglasses were obviously not the disguise he thought they would be.
As the whispers got louder, his heart started to flurry more. Panic seeped into his veins as he looked for an escape. Bolting in the Barnes and Nobles- security guards close behind- Harry asked for the employees to close shop just for a moment. Harry only needed a moment to get a car near by to escape to. Feeling overwhelmed, Harry hid.
In between the historical fiction and romance aisle is where he sat. Head between his knees, trying to catch his breathe.
“Are you ok?” A voice asked from above him. His head whipped up in shock. Standing there was you, three books clutched between your arms. Adjusting your dress you dropped down to the floor in front of him.
“I-im fine, tired but fine.” He replied. He looked different than he did the night before, you thought. Last night, he was energetic and full of life and now, now you saw a boy whose exhaustion overpowered him.
“You here for any books?” You were just trying to change the subject, something you did with yourself when you had panic attacks.
“Oh no, I don’t-“ he stuttered shaking his head. You smiled at him before pulling a book from your stack. The fault In Our Stars, your new favorite.
“I love this book, one of my favorites. Heard a movie is coming out too so that’s fun.” You joke. Harry’s relaxed slightly, you nestled closer to him. Opening the book, you began reading, your gentle voice calming Harry.
At the start of chapter four, an interruption pulled you both away. Harry’s security guard told Harry that a car was waiting and the perimeter of the store was clear. Harry nodded telling the guard to give him five more minutes.
“I guess this is it.” You mumble closing your book. Harry nods but makes no move to leave. Something clicks in him as he looks at your face again.
“You were at the concert last night, meet and greet?” He muses.
“Yeah, One Direction is my favorite band. My friend bought our vip tickets for my birthday. Best night ever.” You say quietly, scared that he might think that you’re some obsessed fan.
“Oh, well I’m glad you enjoyed the show….so why didn’t you freak out today or- or expose where I was?”
“You’re a human being, just like me. You get nervous, frustrated, and sad just like me. You get panic attacks just like. Who am I to treat you differently?” Your words did so much for Harry. “Now don’t get me wrong, you’re my favorite in the band, but I don’t idolize you nor do I wish to be in your position cause I know it must be hard.”
“It is. Hard, I mean, really really hard. I love my job but I’m tired.” The silence you two shared burned a connection between you two. “This may be weird but could I have your number? I like talking to you and I wanna hear more of this book.”
Placing your hand made bookmark in the book, you closed in and gently placed it on Harry’s lap. “Have it. I have one at home and if you still want to talk about it- I’ll give you my number.”
Harry stills as the book sits in his lap. “I want to talk to you about the book.”
After exchanging numbers, Harry was urged by you to go. Walking side by side to the door, you were separated by his security.
“Harry, don’t let this keep hurting you. Find the joy and grasp on to it.”
You turned out to be his joy. Calls every night after shows and different books being read together, you both gravitated towards each other. Everyday was a new day to grow closer together. He invited you to more concerts, paying for every ticket because he just needed to be with you.
The show was going beautifully. Harry looked amazing in stage in all white and most fans were captivated by your outfit too. It worried you to see Harry so exhausted on stage but you knew he would stick it through like he always does. Proud was an understatement in your eyes. Harry made you more than proud.
You stood in the back of the watermelon pit at the end of the aisle where his stage stopped a few feet away. Jeff stood beside you like he normally did but he was acting suspicious. You two never stood on the side of Harry’s exit but this is where Jeff said you’d get the best view tonight.
Harry sang his final ‘we’ll be alright’ before doing his stage stroll and bows, but instead of finishing in the middle of the stage- he went down stage to the place he normally exits to at the end of the night. You watched in confusion, along with the crowd, as he walked down the steps to you. The crowd erupted in screams as the lights focused on where you were standing.
“What are you doing?” You asked with large eyes of shock. You felt your heart stop in your chest. The crowd getting louder by the moment. Harry walked closer to you, one hand digging into his pocket while his eyes focused on your face. You couldn’t place what was happening but you’re eyes welled with even more tears nonetheless. Jeff was to the side with a huge smile and his phone out to capture the moment.
“Y/N, my love, my light, the best thing that has happened to me,” he didn’t have his mic on so the crowd couldn’t hear him but you could hear him perfectly. As if you two were the only ones in the large arena, you could only see Harry. “From the moment I met you in the bookstore, I knew you were meant to be in my life. Somehow you took me from my darkest place and guided me to my lightest.
I know our lives have been hard but we’ve always found a way to be alright. I want that for the rest of my life. I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life, so will you please, my love, marry me?”
You gave him no time to answer as you yanked him up by his arm. You wept as you exclaimed loud yeses, yeses that could be heard by a few fans who screamed in excitement igniting the rest of the crowd to scream. Harry picked you up in his arms, throwing one arm out to wave at the crowd before bounding backstage.
“Oh my god Harry!” You exclaimed as he set you down. He only had a few minutes to talk so you kept it quick. You pulled his face down to your kissing his lips. This kiss pulled you both deeper into each other.
He pulled away making you whine. “I gotta go back but I promise you’ll get it all tonight. I can’t believe you said yes. I love you so much.”
Harry’s energy multiplied by 100 going back on stage. He even went as far as to explain what watermelon sugar was about. Remembering when the song was made, it made your legs clench together- a pulse overwhelming your lower regions.
Looking down at your hand, you could feel yourself tear up again at the ring he bought you. It fit perfectly in your hand, you remember him measuring your hand that night even though he thought you were asleep. The thought of your future made your heart swell. A future with new music, a wedding, a nice house, and babies made your heart swell. This was something you couldn’t wait for.
Harry found his joy in you but he never knew about the joy he was to your dark life.
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soulwillower · 3 years
Text
semi-charming •  bill denbrough
(bill denbrough x reader smut)
requested:  Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :)    +      AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH     +     don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝
i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj
also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh  !!!!!!!!!
warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au, 
(losers + reader are 19+.)
4.1k words
the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional. 
it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that. 
but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake. 
a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise. 
it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door. 
your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes. 
three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.
"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either. 
“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music." 
you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off." 
then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation. 
"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding. 
"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give. 
"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in." 
your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it. 
"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him. 
you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?" 
you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms. 
but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?" 
that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person. 
but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst. 
your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg. 
you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.
it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall. 
but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!" 
his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him. 
"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either. 
"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts. 
he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet. 
"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack." 
he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf. 
he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot. 
you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you. 
he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip. 
it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane.  "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly. 
whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth. 
he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away. 
you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid. 
his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh. 
you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from. 
when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done." 
"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated." 
you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly. 
he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.
"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are,  i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk. 
"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out. 
"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you. 
you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you. 
then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own.  "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving? 
he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants. 
he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes. 
"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down. 
he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate. 
he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once. 
you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure. 
"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.
"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?" 
you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to." 
you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock. 
and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back. 
“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly. 
he looks like fucking heaven.
you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.
“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.
"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan. 
his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.
you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums. 
your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.
your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out. 
he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce. 
"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building. 
"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours. 
your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.
 "you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to. 
you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already. 
he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple. 
you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours. 
“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close. 
"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters. 
you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall. 
"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous. 
"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease. 
you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him. 
tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie  @decafcoffeew
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dailytatsu · 3 years
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Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!
Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let’s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7
Thanks for the request! ✨
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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao
Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).
Gn! Reader
I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters _| ̄|○
Sorry for any mistakes!
Request are open!
Genshin Masterlist
Second part ->
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VENTI
To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.
Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.
But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.
The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?
His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.
Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!
He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.
Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.
Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.
Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.
He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.
The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.
But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-
As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.
Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.
“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.
“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.
“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”
He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.
This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.
Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.
The song is cursed.
One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.
It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.
The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.
A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.
The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.
As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.
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ZHONGLI
Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.
Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.
Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.
How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?
Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.
He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.
The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.
You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe
“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”
“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”
“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”
Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.
Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.
Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-
For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.
Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.
Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.
Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).
He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.
You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.
Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.
He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.
With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.
Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.
Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!
But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.
Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,
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XIAO
Tried to kill you.
I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??
Sorry, but he had a point.
Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.
Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.
Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.
And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.
Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.
Nice(n’t) to meet u.
What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?
Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.
No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.
He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.
(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)
You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.
He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.
It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.
“That song… ”
“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.
It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.
Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.
He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?
You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.
That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.
I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.
If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.
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SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI
Also tried to kill you.
Well, the puppet tried to.
And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.
But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.
Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.
She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.
When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.
In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.
Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.
She knew that you would found a way to be back.
It’s better like this.
And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.
There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.
Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,
Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.
As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.
Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.
When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.
Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.
You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.
Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.
You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.
Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-
“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”
“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”
Well yes, but actually no.
“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”
“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.
“I’ll allow it.” She said.
Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.
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