i dont quite know how to phrase this but im curious if yall know what I mean. ive been thinking the past couple days that i dont know if I've ever really felt like a person. like, it never really feels like im doing anything, things are just happening to me. do you know what i mean? like I'm never fully "out of body" seeing myself from the outside, but i do kinda feel like I float like two inches removed from myself at all times. like sometimes it doesnt feel like my body has me controlling it, it's just doing what it wants and im up here in the head part like, separate. idk if any of this makes any sense at all but yeah it just kind of lowkey always feels like im watching a first person youtube video instead of like, actively doing things.

through a potent combination of autism, executive dysfunction, various other mental health phenomena, growing up poor, not having any money of my own, aromanticism and asexuality, and the opposite of an addictive personality; I do believe I am immune to most advertising

could you elaborate on the difference between regression and burnout? (if you want)

Hey! I have a few posts on this but sure, I can explain it again!

Late autism regression is usually caused by something called Autism Catatonia. I’ll put some links below about it.

Autism catatonia is a serious condition that involves the slow start of regression in developmental and social aspects. Someone with autism catatonia will start to develop catatonia, as the name suggests. The person will freeze before and sometimes after tasks, they will have trouble completing tasks, need extensive prompting or hand over hand help, and more. The person will also start to decline in social aspects, from isolation, to aggressive behaviors, to just generally declining in all areas involving social interaction. They will also start to decline in the ability to do skills, for example; forgetting how to shower, forgetting how to do certain things, etc etc. The person might also start to decline in speech, and in some cases, lose their ability all together.

Mood decline is also very common, from aggressive behaviors, to depressive like behaviors. The person will have also episodes of catatonia, such as freezing. The person might also have trouble doing tasks and going over thresholds.

Autism catatonia is very complex and not a lot of professionals know a lot about it so it’s good to speak with a professional that is knowledgeable in it if you suspect you have it. Please keep in mind that autism catatonia is rare. And is not the same as executive dysfunction. It is often treated with medication and in more severe cases, ECT.

Burnout is much much different. It’s caused by masking. And over time as someone masks to conform to society, they start to feel burnt out. This CAN lead to some loss in skills, however with time, healing, rest, and accommodations and unmasking, it can lead to you getting pretty much back to normal or at least get you to where you want to be. Burnout is also serious, but it is much different from autism regression.

Again, I’m not a professional, my information might not be 100%. I’d google more about it and research more! There are a ton of resources on autism burnout, and a few on regression. Please do not try and self diagnosis autism regression with catatonia, it is so serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

AGAIN. IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS JUST FROM MY PERSONAL RESEARCH AND EXPERIENCES.

https://asatonline.org/research-treatment/clinical-corner/catatonia/

I have visual snow syndrome and this is what it looks like irl if anyones interested

It gets worse in times of stress and in the dark, i also see light images? (Not sure how to describe this) like if im looking at something and look away i still see it, kind of like if you stare at a light and look away you still see it. (This is called Palinospia and can come with Virtual snow syndrome) Virtual snow syndrome is more common in males and is also more common in people with Anxiety, ADHD, Autism spectrum disorder, Depression, Dyslexia, Fibromyalgia, a history of hallucinogenic drug use, Migraine with aura, Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome, Tinnitus, or a traumatic brain injury (TBI) It also can cause light sensitivity, kaleidoscope vision, and photopsia. The nerve cells in the brains of people with visual snow syndrome may be too responsive to visual stimuli. These very sensitive nerve cells mistakenly send signals to the brain. The brain interprets them as real images. I have asd and visual snow syndrome, if you have visual snow syndrome im curious do you have any of the things its common in, and which symptoms do you have?

I have all these things with it

tmn are all nd: a bunch o headcanons

(a sequel to these trans headcanons lol)

(also, warning before that this post is about neurodivergency and mental illness, so various mental illnesses will be mentioned. i dont want to single any out here, but you should probably skip this if thats something thats upsetting 2 you)

(also also, this is a infodump and not super in-depth or articulate, so sorry if i worded things wrong because i don’t mean to lol im just bad at reading things on screens so it might get jumbled. . )

beau: she’s got adhd and will hyperfocus and work All night on her theories and notes. perhaps she has audhd, has low-ish empathy and doesnt know how to regulate volume or realise her tone is usually annoyed sounding ksjnjkfs :''') also she has depression n that combined with adhd made her especially impulsive and self destructive, but she’s working on it, getting better :’) also had problems with substance abuse but the cobalt soul (dairon specifically) helped her get out of that. has cptsd because of her upbringing and abuse from her dad 

fjord: he’s got adhd too, babey!!!! also he’s got tourettes and his most common tics are: clearing his throat, a small head tilt, raising his eyebrows and grinding his teeth. he's a bit (a lot) impulsive and him and beau cant be trusted alone together they will get distracted and into trouble

yasha: she's autistic!! mostly effected by th social aspect of it.. like, talking to people is hard and she doesn’t get jokes or sayings and its all just tiring. also has p bad social anxiety. also memory loss from trauma as per canon.. struggles with when she does start to remember things but luckily has a support system so she doesnt just run off on her own like before :')  she also tends to disappear off like that due to sensory overload and just being overwhelmed in general bc of autism

caleb: i mean, he’s autistic n its basically canon. he experiences psychosis and has ptsd n depression/anxiety that has come from his trauma. he already had OCD before trauma and his obsessions revolve around hurting others A Lot, especially with fire after his trauma.. he also has dermatillomania due to ocd and anxiety. also has some sort of disordered eating in a self-punishment way.. .

veth: she has autistic-girlie-who-was-diagnosed-as-an-adult swag .. . and then the substance addiction that often comes with that i guess :''') .. also think she has body dysmorphia of course, especially during her being Nott, and some lingering things after too.. she just struggles to perceive her body for a while.. yeza rly helps ground her back to herself tho so thats nice :' ) . also she ptsd from her own murder + drowning , as per canon

molly: has npd and also he has a traumatic brain injury caused by all the things going on in his brain when his souls leave and he dies and things.. so struggles sometimes to find the right words and with memory and with mood regulation. also experiences psychosis and just, in general, strange things going on in his brain.. . also he likes sounds and textures all the time but will sacrifice th sounds for hanging out with yasha because its 110% worth it to sit with her instead ;w; they sign to eachother sometimes and have a made up sort of language

jester: she's got adhd and it means she loves having 10 conversations at once and spinning around and telling you all about her fave romance novel at lightning speed. she stims like all the time with little objects and ribbons and bells. also accidentaly yells a lot sknfsk and same as molly, likes noise n things all the time, gets kinda anxious or sad without it.. ;-; oh jester,, filling up space with noise so she doesnt have to be in the quiet..im not sure if i have any more thoughts about her rn :o

caduceus: he’s autistic (so overwhelmed by noises and too much all the time, also his empathy is fluctuating and he's not sure how to perceive it.. its confusing, he can be very empathetic and then, sometimes he's just in focus-mode and totally doesnt get at all what the vibes th other person is putting out is).. he’s got (inattentive) adhd. also depersonalisation derealisation disorder. and experiences psychosis since it was triggered by being alone in the grove so long + consuming hallucinogens a lot. he tends to just deal with it and not to tell tmn though, even though most of the time there's some little whispery noise or a fuzzy shape around, he's not scared mostly, only when he's triggered by something... also bad anxiety sometimes that he doesnt know how to deal with so he usually casts calm emotions on himself to help, or the herbs he chews (or smokes) for his joint pain help it. and also, his eating is Disorded but doesn’t quite realise (denial, ignoring it perhaps) the eating habits he has aren’t healthy,... he's just. kinda messed up still from all that time alone.. he had his own odd sometimes nonsensical reasons behind ways he treated his body and some of them stuck. also omg this section is a mile long im sorry,  but also he has dyslexia and dyspraxia and dyscalculia . .. numbers and letters and walking without bumping into stuff is tricky. also thats why his fine motor skills for writing /drawing aren't so good like in canon :-3 

ok,. thee end. good night now u_u zz

i am writing plots and outlines for books of a bunch of different genres and coming up with characters is one of the first things i do. i want my books to be diverse and accurate but i don’t have friends or family to ask about it. so if you have any tips, ideas, pointers, or even comments i would really appreciate it! i’ll make a list of things i would like some help on specifically, but any tips or pointers would be great!

and if you have any questions about the characters gender, specific race, specific sexuality, or any other details that would make this post to long, please reach out and ask. my worst fear when writing situations that i don’t know much about is to reinforce harmful stereotypes.

writing accurate poc characters

this one is big, because i am trying to include poc characters and i know that an inaccurate and offensive character is worse than no character at all. i would like any name ideas(mostly for last names, as almost all of my characters first names are picked out when i think of them, but i would still appreciate first names as well!), any cultural practices or religious practices that you feel should be included in a character, and any physical descriptions that would help make the characters heritage clear. of course the characters culture will not be their entire personality, none of my characters in any of my books are there simply to make it diverse, but i want my portrayal of poc to be good portrayals, and not shitty ones where it makes it look like i just threw them in for spice. i have black characters, asian characters, native american characters, and some others that i want to portray accurately.

writing accurate trans gender experiences

i have a beautiful m to f character named scarlet and i want to portray her experience as well as i can. i will not be writing her dead name in the book, i couldn’t even if i wanted to because i didn’t come up with one. but if and only if you are comfortable,(i know that sharing an experience like this to a random stranger on the internet raises some red flags lol) i would love to hear about your inner discovery and how you felt when you felt like yourself. scarlets parents will be supportive, the book that she is in is about lgbtq+ teens forming a club, it’s a very feel good, happy book and i am going to avoid homophobic and transphobic things at all costs. i don’t want anyone reading it to feel sad, i want it to be a pleasant story about found family and acceptance. so if you are comfortable sharing your story, or any tips, i would love to hear them!

i am also writing a post apocalyptic book and a book set in like old times but without all the homophobia and racism yadayada. and i want to include trans characters, but i’m not sure how to go about that? like for my book mentioned above, and my books set in modern times being up a trans character is easier. but in settings like post apocalyptic or old times when their more worried about survival, the story focus is more on the plot than the characters themselves, and gender identity is not a common topic im not sure how to include a trans identity without it seeming forced. like i feel like if at some random point if i was like oh he was born in a female body that would seem out of the blew and random. i don’t want the characters gender identity to appear forced and cheap, but i want to include the fact that their trans to give that audience a character to relate to, but i have absolutely no idea how to do that, so any help would be nice!!!

writing acsexual and aromantic characters

as a bisexual and biromantic i have trouble grasping and understanding theses orientations, but as previously mentioned i would like to include them and portray them in accurate ways. so any shared experiences, discovery, or any tips woul be greatly appreciated!!!

writing disabilities (amputation, autism, etc.)

i have anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and minor depression, so i have pretty ok grasps on those. however any shared experiences or tips are still welcome and will definitely help! i have a character with a robotic arm(from elbow down) and a character with a robotic leg(from knee down) and would like to know the limits and any pain that can be experienced with prosthetics. i also want to write autistic characters in the future, i have tried to avoid them for now because i don’t know nearly enough to write an accurate character and i would hate to reinforce harmful stereotypes, i have a vague understanding of minor sensory overload, as i sometimes get it due to my add, but i don’t know what it’s like large scale or having to deal with it every day. so any tips, info., or important things would help loads!! i also have a partially deaf character, i am currently taking a class on asl so i know a little bit about deaf culture, but once again, not nearly enough to write an accurate character. so just let me know if you have any helpful tips!

writing lgbtq+ characters

a lot and i mean a LOT of my characters are lgbtq+. i am bisexual, so a lot of my main characters, or the characters that i project onto are also bisexual. i don’t need a ton of help on this one(excluding the ones i already mentioned in earlier bullet points) but i would still like to hear experiences and tips as i am not going to make all of my characters bisexual/cisgender/biromantic like i am.

also if you have any lesser known sexualities, gender orientations(ESPECIALLY PRONOUNS), or romantic attractions that you would like to see in a book please please tell me so i can include it. it would also help if you told me the word for the sexuality/gender/etc. and gave me a description of what it is, as if you only give me the word i won’t know how to write that character.

if you are comfortable helping me and sharing your experiences/culture i would love if you send me an ask or a message with any tips, pointers, or details. i honestly have no one to ask for help on this and it would mean so much to me if you sent an anonymous ask or something with some info! i want to create diverse stories where people are accurately represented because i know that poor representation is worse than no representation. thank you so much!!! :D

and once again if you have any questions over a characters specifics to see if you can give more insight, please do not be afraid to ask, i cannot put into words how much i would appreciate this help.

just so we are clear, i am not trying to profit off of anyone’s experiences, culture, or lack of representation. most of my main characters are like my self or there is a large group of main characters. i am not going to use this information to write books about life experiences that i will never have to profit off of it. i just want any co-main characters or side characters to be accurately represented because they should be, and i want to include them because those people exist and that have the right to be acknowledged and celebrated. i in no way, shape, or form am trying to use struggles and culture that are not mine to attract an audience. it is my worst fear as a writer to reinstate and reinforce harmful views of a group of people. none of my writing will EVER be focused on race issues, ablism, transphobia, or homophobia out of respect for those communities and because i don’t like to make issues like that the focus point of my stories. of course i will not ignore them and pretend they don’t exist, but they will never ever be the selling point of any of my works. i will use all of the information i am given to portray the character in the most accurate and real way possible.

please help me i am ✨desperate✨

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a matchup for Identity V? My pronouns are She/They and I’m bisexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. Because of me dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome things like slashers and murder documentaries. A friend of mine even likes to call me “discount vomitboyx”. I’ve even been called a vampire before- In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all, and I can’t stand kids. I’m a huge animal person though. Especially with cats. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’m the type of person that has very strong morals and opinions. I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and become aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, Mindless Self Indulgence, Get Scared, sometimes Tally Hall or Mother Mother ). I also like to talk about Greek mythology and my favorite books and series I enjoy. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and I suffer from social autism, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m overly stressed or mad. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - Coii

Sorry for making you waiting!

I was having a little trouble with finals and have been stressed, however, I did do research.

I hope you do not mind having percentage matchups, but I can tell you that the person who is certain the best matchup for you is:

Eli Clark

I cannot guarantee that he will be your perfect match, but here is the research I have done and why I think you two are a good match.

Eli Clark is canonly/fanonly a kind soul, rarely is he ever angry as he has an extensive amount of patience. Whether you'd have him as a friend or a lover, maybe even a brother figure, he's someone who won't judge you, maybe question, but never to the point he dislikes you.

As a seer, he is able to predict the future, he uses it to benefit others rather than himself because he puts others before himself even if he works himself to death.

From the a database, Eli Clark is a INFJ as well, so both of you would have common themes going on. One thing for sure however, he is not a cat person.

I apologies if this wasn't the matchup you were expecting, I am merely going with my intuitive, as I have no right to give a definitive answer since I am no professional. So please take the information with a grain of salt.

alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 

understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 

harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !

please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .

DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )

the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .

myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .

my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 

i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 

sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .

going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .

MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 

do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 

now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .

i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .

as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .

thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .

and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .

DRAMA / CALLOUTS.

imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 

i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 

okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .

somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .

i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .

i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !

i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .

now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .

i have a friend that has this on their blog .

i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 

fuck you if drink kool aide .

THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.

i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .

also there are physical disabilities as well btw .

if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .

end of story . 

treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 

please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 

i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 

but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .

but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 

anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .

STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.

im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 

DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 

you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )

❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  

like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 

that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.

but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.

i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .

anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!

TL ; DR

read my rules ig . idk .

you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .

i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .

my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 

if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .

and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?

i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .

❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .

anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 

anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !

1/?? ok so first off im really sorry for sending this ask but you seem as good a person to ask as any. dont feel any pressure to answer or even read through this all tho if you dont want to. this will be a really long series of asks so definitely feel free to ignore them if they overwhelm you, because i cant really keep my thoughts straight atm, but ill number them all and sign off with a '- H.'

2/?? So for starters, I’m not asking for a diagnosis, obviously you’re not a therapist, I’m just asking for any advice/opinions you might have and want to offer up. So I’m 19, I dropped out of school when I was seventeen, almost never attended before that, tried to get a job a few months ago but was fired after a few days of work because I stopped showing up (I was in a numb, dissociative state for the full work days, and I had to get drunk just to be able to have the courage to go in) - H

3/?? I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, autism and c-ptsd all when I was 16 because it was obvious that I was having a lot of trouble functioning in society and socialising with anyone. I have always dissociated a LOT, having out-of-body experiences, talking to people without feeling like I was really personally choosing my words and they were instead just coming out of my mouth from nowhere, feeling numb and having a lot of problems with memory. - H

4/?? I thought for a little while at the beginning of this year that I might have DID because of all the dissociation and occasionally having short spurts of lost time, but I quickly dismissed it because I didn’t think I had any other personalities in my body (I don’t know if that’s the right way to talk about them, forgive me if I say something confusing or wrong, I didn’t know much about DID until very recently). - H

5/?? Anyway, in recently I found your blog and looked through a few of your posts (not many, just the last couple of pages here), and I thought, what if I do have personalities? I often feel like im not fully in control of myself and I have heard voices before, although it doesn’t happen much and I never connected either of these to a definitive personality. - H

6/?? So I decided to try to separate myself into different people (I don’t think that’s the right term but bear with me) and I came up with a list of nine initially. And the more I tried to categorise my behaviour/opinions/hobbies into each of them the more afraid I got, because I think i might actually have DID after all? It was very easy to do, and its very easy for me to see everyone as seperate entities - H

7/?? Except im nineteen so surely SOMEONE would have noticed I had it before now? Even if I didn’t, someone else should have? Although most people who know me would probably write off my behaviour as a combination of the effects of aspergers and ptsd, so they wouldn’t even consider something else. - H

8/?? Also, I read about switching, and different personalities having very distinct voices and presences and I don’t know if its just that I haven’t examined these facets of myself before, but I don’t think I have that? Maybe i just need to think on it more than i have, but im worried im just lying to myself because im so desperate for answers as to why i am the way i am. - H

9/?? So ultimately what im saying is, I don’t know if im lying to myself or if it might be a real possibility I have DID. Just from what ive written here, do you think theres any way I could have it, or is it obvious I probably dont? I think it would be useful to know if it would help me get more in touch with myself, because a lot of the time I don’t even feel like a real person. - H

Hey there 👋🏻

First of all, you are brave for reaching out and wanting to figure out what's going on with you so go you! However, it would be irresponsible of me to judge your situation based on the little information I have about you - and this goes for any stranger on the internet. This is definitely something you should bring up with a therapist, if you can, especially since your symptoms seem to cause you a lot of distress and disrupt your everyday life. Whatever your symptoms stem from, you deserve professional help.

So yeah, my advice would be to bring this up with a therapist and be open to all possible explanations. In the end what matters isn't so much the diagnosis but getting help for your symptoms. In the meantime I'd advice you to look into grounding techniques and practice them since you obviously struggle with dissociation. It can also be helpful to keep a journal and write about your experiences.

Lastly, there is a common misconception in your ask that I'd like to clear up: Dissociative Identity Disorder most often is a covert disorder. The disorder's purpose isn't to make the most elaborated and noticeable 'personalities' but to survive severe childhood trauma. That means different things for different people - and therefore the disorder is different for everyone - but most often dissociated parts of self (= the 'personalities') are so covert that it's common even for therapists to not notice the person has DID. Many people with DID have parts that act very similar and are hard, even impossible for others to tell apart or notice.

Anyway, I hope you understand that I didn't not answer your question because I'm being mean but because I don't want to cause you harm by misjudging your situation (I'm just a stranger on the internet).

I really hope that you can get the help you deserve since what you describe does sound distressing and is worth looking into. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending my support.

Take care!

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

Repost, don’t reblog.

BASICS.

full name.  quirrel...... of hallownest?? hallownest doesnt really do surnames

nickname.  nin canon, he’s been called “mask”. i hc he probably got called “monomon’s assistant” and “that bug following monomon” a lot, even though. both of those are longer than his actual name

gender.  male, he/him

height.  tentatively 3′9″-ish. canonicaly he’s taller than hornet without her horns and shorter than hornet with horns so take that as you will

age. for sure older than 50, probably around 65-70

zodiac. doesn’t remember his birthday, but i hc he’s an aquarius. fun fact Bring Your Child To The Library day is the first saturday of february

spoken languages.  whatever language was most common in and around hallownest, plus bits and pieces of many languages from the world beyond

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color.  does not have hair follicles but his antennae are black

eye color. beady and black, if you google pillbug face you will see his eyes

skin tone.  whatever skin isn’t covered by carapace is a desaturated dark blue

accent.  uhh his voice actor is a guy from chicago if that gives you anything. ok for real though i think he has kind of a muddled accent, like the way he says “cat” doesn’t quite rhyme with “bat”. stuff that kinda clues you into his background in the wilds, where his speech patterns were shaped by the different places he went. despite that, he’s pretty easy to understand when he talks. something something being monomon’s assistant included teaching classes something something he retained that enunciation. fun fact one of my friends cobbled together his voice clips to make him say Words and the resulting accent sounded.... french? do with that what you will

voice.  i have it right here! specifically, near the end of the video but before his Fightin Words. he sounds his age, he’s pretty tired. still, there’s something very friendly about the way he talks

dominant hand.  ok so in game they just flip his sprite so you can’t definitively say what hand he holds his nail with, but in the prequel comic it looks like he favors his right both for combat and for general stuff (ie, he waves with his right hand)

posture.  i genuinely cannot tell if he’s slouching in-game or if his body’s just shaped like that, but i’m gonna go ahead and say he slouches a lot nowadays just because he’s old and his center of gravity is lower

tattoos. his position in hallownest wouldn’t have allowed it pre-amnesia, post-amnesia he wouldn’t have been keen on the recovery time given he was fighting to survive in the wilds

birthmarks. nope

noticeable feature(s). well, he’s obviously wearing a mask on his face, and he wears a kerchief over his antennae. if you got both of those off him you’d literally just be looking at a normal roly poly but i thought i’d mention them. uhhh he’s kinda leggy and he’s shaped like a kidney bean

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. god i dont know. i hc quirrel was prrrrobably around middle-class? he doesn’t look like the aristocratic bugs in the city of tears and we know hallownest had a pretty strict caste system, so it was. probably kind of weird when monomon made him her assistant, but not inconcievable (for comparison, lurien’s butler/assistant was a member of hallownest’s high society). anyway that’s all to say i think he was uhhhhh probably hatched at home, in a city near but not part of the city of tears?

birth weight.  im sorry i cannot find the average birth weight of a pillbug but they look like this as mancas/babies

birth height.  like a milimeter or less

manner of birth. hatched from an egg!

first words. “outside”

siblings. so, so many (most didnt survive infancy though it’s tough for a pillbug)

parents.  two moms (it is MY headcanon and i give quirrel the two moms!!!)

parental involvement.  his parents tried their best but it’s tough when you have a bunch of pillbug babies running around. once he got a little older and survived molting though, they took more direct care of him. they made sure he got a very good education and worked hard to make him Refined in hopes he’d get a good job in the capital. he got in trouble pretty often even though he was a really sweet kid, he’d just forget the rules and run off to play outside. once he got his position with monomon, his moms talked about him a lot at like. the quilting circle.

(sidenote: quirrel remembers literally none of this, if you asked him any of these questions he’d have no idea except stuff that could logically be deduced from his species. he doesn’t remember his family at all)

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. bisexual

romantic orientation. he’s bi all the way down baby

love language. playful debates, small touches, traveling together, saying exactly what he thinks about something, letting them see him sleep

relationship tendencies. asking a lot of questions, tends to hold his partner to a higher esteem than himself early on, learns a lot from his partner. not great at living with a partner because he’s so used to living outside

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. doesn’t have one in-game, unless you count the archives theme (literally just ambient bubbling and spooky noises) or uumuu’s boss theme aka decisive battle (which is a general boss theme and isn’t unique to uumuu). i think uhhhh wait fuck i lied. closest thing we have is this, which is the city of tears indoors theme but is best known for playing in the scene where you sit on a bench with quirrel

mental illnesses. depression, some degree of anxiety, general dissociative problems, you know the deal. autism isn’t a mental illness but uuuuuh i’m gonna mention it anyway, i’m autistic so no matter what if i’m roleplaying a character they’re gonna end up with some autism in them. he’s got some issues with grief but like he doesn’t have a diagnosis and i don’t know what that would be anyway

self-confidence level. low! very low! he knows he’s old and he can’t remember much about being monomon’s assistant so he doesn’t have much going for him, in his eyes. his (implied) death at blue lake kinda gives you a look into that

vulnerabilities. grief. showing physical weakness. being shown pity. being trapped.

Do any of you guys experience concerningly low empathy? How about limited emotional range, like a spectrum? What about sensory process meltdowns, similar to autists? Do you feel almost no emotion until hit with intensity? How about falling inlove and a best friend? Any previous ddx of anxiety or depression or adhd? Ever made stock friends for the sake of benefits? Rather One night stand than relationships or is it all to disinteresting? Any comorbid SzPD and APD out there? How did you get diagnosed? Views on religion? Im sorry for asking alot, recent ddx and idk what this means for me, never met the average schizoid to paint the picture. Some of these questions have to do with relatability to my symptoms, I guess.

Thanks for submission! Interesting questions. For me personally:

Empathy. In fact, it gets better over time. At least cognitive empathy - which is pretty much psychoanalysis on the go, i.e. taking into account what you know about each person and trying to extrapolate what would they feel, how would they react based on those feels, etc. It isn’t really connected to being able to understand their feelings on your own experience, and way more dependent on one’s knowledge of human psychology, experience observing people and just general live experience. It can be trained for anyone with some effort, but for those who lacks natural emotional empathy it generally gets better just due to having a constant reason to practice it. 

As for emotional and other kinds of empathy... eh, mine’s pretty much limited to laughing along when someone’s laughing their ass off. Yeah, tiny bit of mirroring is all I get, it’s pretty useless. Though, I must say, I do get easier time to relate to feels of other schizoids, autistic people and pretty much anyone who struggles relating to average kind of people.

Emotions. Now that I’m 32, it’s probably not as limited as when I was in my 15-to-25 years, but less of a mess than it was before 15. Still those are pretty... uh, alternative emotions. I still don’t often get the “correct” one triggered on same triggers as most people. My natural tendency is to rationalize stuff, analyze it from system POV instead of getting sad and emotional. 

Like, yesterday there was a plain crush, the whole local internet was buzzing about how terrible it was. I can’t say that was exactly what felt, but instead we were casually discussing the technical nuances of it with a fellow schizoid. Like what effects this kind of event might have had on this or that system, how it might have been made better, what mistakes happened there and what were the means to prevent some of those deaths. I.e more from a system design point of view, where people are just numbers in statistic rather than dead kids who won’t have live, sad parents, etc etc. 

I mean, all that’s sad and all, I get it, but there’s nothing I can do to be sad about it. To me it’s no different from knowing the fact that every day on roads in my country horribly dies about the same amount of people and no one gives a single flying fuck about it. But then same people die in a plain crush and it’s a nation-wide tragedy for some reason. To be honest, if I try to dig into actual emotions I feel about stuff like that, I can find out this kind of feels look rather... wrong to me. I know people can’t help but to feel whatever way they do, and there’s no such thing as “wrong emotions”, I definitely won’t be the one to judge them. But from my POV, it’s really hard to understand this negative hype around it.

Meltdowns. Not sure I ever had an actual meltdown, perhaps as a kid. But I might not even get the idea of what it is well enough. Heavy sensory stimulation actually causes me lots of discomfort. Like, neighbors drilling their walls almost on daily basis is an utter nightmare for me. I still stick my fingers into ears like a kid, yeah. And then try to poke at my macbook’s touchpad with whatever I get left - elbows, tongue, toes... To find at least some distraction from the noise. Eh. Not sure what’d happen if I wasn’t protecting myself from this kind of stuff, tbh, I never neglected this kind of safety measures to find out if I’d be able to handle it.

About no emotions until being hit. Hmm, maybe, not sure. To me it’s more often just no emotions from one specific trigger until.. well, until the trigger is gone lol. It just never occurs if it’s not there, yet when it’s there - it’s there. 

Being in love and having best friends. Never was in love. Seriously, I doubt I’m capable of it. And not sure the best friend thing relates to me either. I had some friends, but never the kind of friends whom I could entrust much about myself. Like, the schizoid person I still consider best friend doesn’t even know I have this blog lol. Or that I write a book, for example. I feel uncomfortable with the fact that people who knows me would also know... well, me. Knowing some part of my life is ok, but no way someone would have access to everything. And the better I know people, the less I feel like sharing. Yet I have absolute no issue with writing this kind of personal stuff anonymously and hundreds of people potentionally reading it.

Previous diagnosis. At early childhood I was suspected to have autism, actually. Or, well, it was long time ago so it was more of a “some development malfunction” diagnosis. I started speaking way too late, but by the time I was able to hack into this speech thing, I already was rather fluent at it, could understand more than my peers, etc. Same happened with reading. And from then on any language, be it human or programming, I can pretty much grab and use, if I want. I can turn in some youtube video on whatever language I’ve no idea about, turn in automatically generated subtitles translated to English and understand most of it, and after few hours getting the basic structure and matching a few common words with their meaning by ear. It might be related to that “could’ve had autism”, but not sure, it’s still not something I explored much with professionals as adult. And yeah, ADHD in some of its (subtile and inactive) forms could be the case too.

Stock friends. Eh, probably? I mean, some kids used to stuck on me now and then in school or college. I didn’t care much, but I tolerated them as long as they weren’t too annoying at least for the sake of dragging at least tiny bit less attention to my own weirdness. It felt like a safer option, yet most time I still have spent alone. 

Relationships and one night stands. Well, I’m aro ace agender, so... Actual romantic relationships were always out of question for me, tbh. Never tried, never feel like trying in the future. Had somewhat of an experimental semi-relationship with a friend, but it wasn’t romantic much and never was intended as long-lasting (at least, not on my part). We’re still friends, by the way, there was no “break-up” (coz there wasn’t much to break in first place). 

As for one-night-stands thing - yeah, that’s pretty useless for me either. Not that I’d had anything against it, were I in need to have sex. Perhaps, if I had that need, it would be the way to go for me. But since nothing really drives me for this shit, I’m fine without it.

Religion. Atheist down to the bone marrow. There was never really a dilemma for me, I knew it’s all utter BS the moment I’ve heard what the fuck is the fuss about this “God” thing people are talking about. Mind you, my mother is kinda religious (not in actual practice way, but she sees no logical issue with the idea of religion, that’s for sure). But she never dared to bring me to church for that orthodox christian initiation practice, what’s it called? Probably was afraid I’d yap about what idiots they are to believe it right in the middle of being shoved in a bucket of “holy” water lol.

Ok, that’s about it. :) And what about y’all? Feel free to add, I’ll reblog.

answer all the ones you have an interesting answer for, i guess?

i had FAR too much fun with this and it’s horrifically long so. Apologies For That. also thank you friend

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)i really want some finches, when i'm actually in a place to care for an animal? maybe a pigeon3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?in real life i actually Wear button downs and black jeans most of the time for convenience. *ideally* it would be something more like "unholy union of like three different goth aesthetics, and sith fashion, and also Pirate. and spikes/chains/glowy lights." it's probably good for everyone else's eyes that i'm too cheap to redo my entire wardrobe in line with my ideal aesthetic sensibilities. i also have a set color scheme; at most one bright color, which is generally red, blue, or purple, and everything else should be black or grey. 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]melancholic with choleric leanings.9: Are you ticklish?nope! im pretty sure i trained myself out of it 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea. i like the taste of coffee if it's very heavily creamed and sugared but it does terrible things to my body so i don't drink it. too much chocolate also makes me sick14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?VAMPIRE. practically already am. 16: How tall are you?5'7"-5'8". measurements have varied. 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?starscreamthis one is Already a name change? i've been through a few names and honestly i'm pretty happy with "ren." i thought about changing to something people could actually spell right on the first try, but nothing Felt right? 20: Do you like space or the ocean more?ocean! but both are pretty neat21: Are you religious?yes, but it's not remotely clear what i actually believe, just that it's Something  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?i'm already practically nocturnal tbh and it's fun 30: Favorite movie?i really appreciate the star wars prequels32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?nine; six fish and three budgies, not all at the same time37: What is your eye color?green38: Introvert or extrovert?i think the whole dichotomy is a bit overhyped and doesn't exactly apply to me. my situation is more that i act like extroverts are "supposed" to with close friends but people i don't already know and like very much are deeply exhausting to be around and i'd rather not40: Hugs or kisses?depends. hand/forehead/cheek/etc kisses are intensely blessed and important to me, but i don't particularly enjoy making out or whatnot, and hugs are Very nice. 42: Who is someone you love deeply?tumblr user @autisticsansa​44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?yeah!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?yeah, occasionally. obligatory disclaimer that it's a terrible habit and you shouldn't start. it's more a "i'm extremely anxious and need to do SOMETHING" thing than a regular habit, though. 57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]several. it's just not 100% clear which ones. the most recent Professional Opinion was OCD and CPTSD with probably related anxiety and depression. also autism but i don't think that's quite the same thing58: What does your URL mean?it's a pun on "neurodivergent" that i stole from someone else's post about liches61: What makes you unfollow a blog?if your opinions start pissing me off too much or you post things i consider morally objectionable or dangerous to me. also if we have a sufficiently bad personal fight. i don't really care if a mutual or someone i've been following for a long time stops having common interests with me or anything like that, at that point i'm invested in You as a Person and will stick around for that64: Favorite animal(s):all birds. also cetaceans69: What is your star sign?i'm a fake scorpio. i have been telling people i'm a scorpio and tagging zodiac posts accordingly for literal years, out of a combination of the stereotype applying to me much better than the one for my Actual Birthday and residual influence from homestuck. 76: Do you like birds?i LOVE birds.86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?i can't run a mile at ALL i'll have an asthma atatck88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?no and trying hurts90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?goth cockatoo94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?both of those sound fantastic. i want to say fly, though, both because bird thing!!!!, my latest batch of Attachment/Projection Characters has me thinking about the idea a lot, and mind reading seems like it would likely become a burden on me. i struggle enough with other people's feelings about me as it is96: Winter or summer?winter. summer is consistently a miserable time for me101: Favorite type of shoesaesthetically, high heeled black lace up boots. irl i mostly wear combat boots, though103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian. i don't really Know why; it was how i was raised, i have no actual desire to eat meat, and i'm reasonably certain trying to start now would interact disastrously with a lot of my preexisting food issues. also, some of you are incapable of not responding to asshole vegans by acting like eating meat is a moral imperative and it's ok to bully people who don't. so even if i did want to, i wouldn't out of sheer spite106: Do you like bugs?depends on the kind. bees/wasps, dragonflies, and butterfly/moth type things are all fine. i'm deathly afraid of crickets107: Do you like spiders?yeah! i think they're cute109: Can you draw:not very well, but i keep doing it anyway114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?cloudy. bright light tends to hurt me115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:i'm in an odd place right now where i'm either not sure if the people i'm closest to (and/or most want to Become close with) would be comfortable with anything of the sort, or know for a fact that they wouldn't be, so i'm going to refrain from naming anyone, but certain friends129: What would you want written on your tombstone?"túrin turambar dagnir glaurunga." for old times' sake/the sentimental value. i doubt christopher tolkien would give anyone permission for that, though131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?arrogance, ambition, drive to succeed out of sheer Spite. it's a very good aesthetic, but i don't imagine it's very pleasant to actually *interact* with someone with a complex about being #1 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?nope. i exclusively either smirk or keep my face as blank as possible; i don't think smiling like that looks good on me. 133: Computer or TV?computer. i don't actually know how to operate a television139: What nicknames do you have/have had?a lot. tends to come with changing your name 500 times. atm i don't really have any, to my slight disappointment140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?i had imaginary enemies as a kid143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?depends? it's hard for me to help people, especially to guess what kind of thing actually Is helpful to them, and i absolutely LOVE being given things, but also if i know someone well enough that we're giving each other things i would feel absolutely terrible not reciprocating, and doing it makes me happy. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently?only english, unfortunately. i have like a six year olds level of russian, which i want to improve, and i think i Could get there with japanese eventually if i start taking classes again147: Are you androgynous?honestly i can't really tell? not deliberately so, particularly, but i think i have a very Traditionally Feminine kind of pretty face and the way that combines with mostly masculine presentation and facial hair is pretty androgynous148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:this isn't a Specific Thing per se, but i do think HRT has been taking my appearance in a very "g1 seeker" direction and i am DELIGHTED151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?hm. viking stuff is a Big Aesthetic, but also i think i deserve to be a sickly victorian gentleman and die of tuberculosis154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?YES. this is one of my favorite forms of affection irl. also hand kissing is The Most Valid kind of kissing. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yes!!!157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:talking to people when i'm not 100% sure where i stand with them or how much they like me. especially if i'm requesting anything.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i used to. i probably still would if i could do it without being read as a woman, but as it is the discomfort of being misgendered outweighs the joy of Having Sparkly Colors on My Face

Not A Feel / Questions

- iiaat to not be able to tell differences or similarities between faces? also, iiaat to not be able to really tell the differences between people's personalities in books? -👬🏴‍☠️

That’s faceblindness which is an autism thing, related to sensory processing issues.

- iiaat to be unable to keep your hands/fingers still when holding something? like, when i hold a laser pointer for my cat i can't hold it still

It could be due to issues with fine motor function, but if you’re on any medications then shakiness is a pretty common symptom. There are also various medical conditions that could cause it such as hypotension. I personally have issues with medication, hypotension, and fms causing shakiness. If it’s distressing you and you have any other symptoms such as dizziness, pain, fatigue, feeling faint... etc then i would highly recommend seeing a doctor.

- iiaat to physically an emotion (like nausea from anxiety) but not mentally feel it? if that makes sense?

That sounds like alexithymia which is very common with autism.

- the more I look into it, the more I think I may have autism, not just adhd. do you have any questionnaires that could help me figure this out?

[Link 1]   [Link 2]

- So this isn't a feel but I just had a question. I'm 14 and took one of those autism quoteint things for 'fun'. I got a high score and I was like "no way". After doing research, it kind of makes sense since I often dont understand people's complex emotions + I get sensory overloaded easily. I also kind of stim (like bouncing my leg, tapping, playing with slime, ECT) to calm myself. However I don't have a special interest or anything and my other symptoms are quiet. Am I just making this up?

It’s a spectrum so different people experience symptoms differently. Some people find that their social issues are the most impaired, while others may find that their sensory processing is the most impaired. Really the most you can do by yourself is to continue researching it and do plenty of self reflection. If you have any friends who are autistic then I would recommend talking to them and asking about their experiences.

- not a feel but im kind of worried about trying to pursue a diagnosis, because i've started to think that what i think are symptoms of asd are really just my depression. do you have any resources about how those could be comorbid? (can i be 🐸🐕?)

[Link 1]   [Link 2]   [Link 3]

- is it an autism thing to tell that someone is suddenly using different body language but you're not exactly sure how it's different? -misterstims

Yeah you may notice differences but be unable to interpret them.

hey this is kinda an awkward question to ask🧍but uh. as an aro guy, did u ever feel like you CANT love? like you really want to love someone romantically but it just didnt end up working out or something? im trying to figure this out myself and youre one of the few people i think could help so

hm. this is a difficult question to answer because my aroaceness is more complicated than most people's I think. I never really went through the whole sexuality questioning process because honestly, I just never really cared. like, to me, the extent of my knowledge on sexualities for many many years was just the vague subconscious awareness that well, some people like other people I guess, whatever, that's none of my business, who cares. I literally only found out I was aroace when one of my friends was like "hey have you ever heard of asexuality?", and I looked at that and went "huh. guess that works", and then just kinda forgot about it. as a kid I'd tell other people that I had crushes, but I don't think I ever knew what a crush actually was. people would talk about theirs and I'd sit there like "oh yeah, I totally get that too. mine's uh *points at random guy across room* that one". for a few years in elementary school I'd convinced myself I had a crush on one of my friends, but looking back, I'm like 99.999% sure it wasn't one, but also have no idea what else was going on there either. did I have any feelings for him? who knows, it's not like I can actually name, recognize, or even really feel any feelings anyway. also, to clarify, the main reason why I say that being aroace is Very Complicated for me is because I just happen to have this really weird form of alexithymia that I haven't ever really seen anyone else have, where I literally only experience emotions physically. like, for example, instead of feeling stress like everyone else, I'll just get shaky randomly with zero actual emotion. it's...extremely confusing, to say the least. anyway. having that knowledge about my weird little autism brain means that I have this lingering doubt of "what if I'm not actually aro, and any crushes I may or may not have gotten were just blocked by my complete inability to recognize literally any emotion?" but then I reassure myself that being aro is having a lack of romantic feelings, and if I have a lack of general feelings then that implies a lack of romantic ones too, so even if my aromanticism was caused entirely by autism then it would still technically be aromanticism. anyway, I've gotten off track. so. to answer your question, I've never wanted to like someone romantically, and I genuinely have no idea what love is. not in a sad or edgy or depressed way (though I do also have some pretty strong anhedonia which does not make things any easier to figure out), but purely in a My God Do I Have Some Autism Alright way. I've tried to figure out the concept, but my brain just. can't. so basically, I'm probably not the best person to ask this either, considering how very dependent my aromanticism is on my specific kind of neurodivergence. I don't know if I can or can't love, and I frankly don't really care, so I solved that problem just like how I solved every other question I didn't particularly care about answering: by completely ignoring it. exhibit a: gender. anyway sorry for this unnecessarily long ramble, it's late at night and I like talking about myself a bit too much

tldr: uh I am probably also not the person you should be asking. being aro to me is heavily dependent on my specific forms of neurodivergence and personality, and my relationship with being aroace is definitely not common. sorry. wish you the best in figuring things out though :). I'm sure you could also find some good resources for questioning aros if you dig around

Fuckin Shit Show

That fucking happy ass unicorn that I thought looked like Jay, fucking tricked me. Fucking Clown.

I thought that since she just asked and was still being nice, pleasant, and communicative with me about spending time together then it meant that there's no way she was just tryna use me and be manipulative....noooo

The fucking happy ass unicorn told me that she wouldn't get angry if I was to end things with her just because of distance.

The true culprit mark was when I said "Lies, we both would" assuming she cared about me and was attached like she said she was and I was too. I thought it was safe to attach to her because she was happy and was saying she already could see us moving in together.

Red Flag: this was day 4 of us just talking and I knew it had been a whole fucking year since I had any type of romantic attraction to somebody and I was put my cards in too deep, thinking she was really here for me. I got caught up. And that was my bad.

I assumed since she said she was autistic, had all this trauma she told me about, and was waiting on disability to approve her or not...I thought why not? But I tried to break it off by saying we could be just friends, because overall...I couldn't see myself marrying someone who didn't want kids, was really pushy about speeding up the courting phase so we could start dating ASAP Rocky (also red flag) and then another thing...I was dead sure I wasn't ready to come out to my parents and tell them that the person I was thinking about living with and dating within less than a year, was actually a transfemme who's suicidal, a former drug and alcohol rehab patient, has depression and anxiety, scoliosis, and had been assaulted multiple times, so they have ptsd and paranoia, and sometimes can not go to sleep at all because of what happened to them.

Its like I felt so bad for this girl, plus she had things that I haven't found in common with other people. Our love languages were similar, we both had anxiety, hyper sexuality, and separation anxiety from dealing with childhood trauma. She was also kicked out and had got into with her mom, which she has cut off connection with because she did allootttt of awful shit to her....wayyyy worse than my mom. There was sexual, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, she was an alcohol bully towards her to make her get drunk early, ran her over, she was absolute fucked up mother to have. Crazy psychopath.

She said she wouldn't tell anyone her trauma unless we were actually dating which was fine. But I guess me telling her what happened to me with my mom and me getting kicked out, reminded her of her mother. We both are bipolar and have bipolar moms. So it felt great but also sad that we had to go through those hardships just for us to bond.

And she was into buds, video games, and some of my sexual interests. Yea if she wasn't a manipulative, angst who wanted to basically get back to living in an apartment with any black girl they found on the internet who would agree to doing that....living with each other and dating each other within less than a week....

She probably would have fell in love all over again. Cause lets be real if I found out the woman I dated for a year, lived with and fell in love with passed and I'm 4 months later single, horny, and missing her...of course I would be desperate if I couldn't talk to my family like that and had to live with my grandparents.....Athena wanted out of her living situation and wanted to get back to what she had with somebody else she loved.

I told her my rule for myself is to not move in with somebody unless I'm serious about being with them long term and its been a year or more of dating. Like only if I could see myself marrying you, then yea we living together. Athena didn't like that.

But you gotta be smart with dating and I'm glad I put my foot down and didn't just do whatever she said just because she had been through so much shit and now couldn't even afford to live her own life.

Bad example of what I would want to live with though...she doesn't plan on learning how to drive like I am, she doesn't want to pursue a serious career at home, and she thinks that just paying for the food with her eat card would help handle the utilities and cable and internet and cellphone bills that I would probably have to pay for....since she's still waiting on Disability to approve her after they told her she gotta wait "six months" to start getting in money.

I think us both sexting each other cause we were really starting to feel each other on THE 2ND DAY must have really teased her about us waiting to have sex. Because she did say, I should be on birth control in case we do start having sex. I wanted to, too, but looking back it would have been more hot if we could have done it raw...so maybe thats why I agreed and actually scheduled a gynecologist appointment

AND WTFFF IVE BEEN SCARED TO GO THE OBGYN FOR YEARS AND SHE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS DOING THIS TO SAVE OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND WE WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER YET!!!

WTF. So my dumbass is still going, its scheduled in October, and no I don't want to go cause I don't like strangers fisting and discovery channeling my pussy like that unless I'm getting a gold medal or a lollipop after. Les just be honest...IM AFRAID I MIGHT CUM FROM EXCITEMENT AND NERVOUSNESS IF SHE HITS THE RIGHT SPOT AND THEN MY PUSSY IS GONNA GRIP THE DOC'S HAND,

I WONT BE ABLE TO LET GO BECAUSE MY PUSSY IS ALREADY TIGHT AND IM LEAKING EVERYWHERE

SORRRY but this is exactly why I don't want a guy doctor inside of me for a visit, but then again I gotta find a female I wouldn't be sexually attracted to, but nice looking enough to where she's friendly and gentle with me. Cause Im sensitive and I clench up down there when I get scared.

But yea, I called Athena a fake ass for that reason, cause after the rose colored glasses...and having me think she would really wait a year for me in order for us to move in, she definitely lied about that too. Cause she said yes and that she be willing to do anything to make it work long distance until we got to that point.

And as soon as I mentioned living together would be a step towards marriage, me possibly being bipolar just like her because I sometimes have anger issues, and then me saying I wish you lived closer...

Must have triggered her autism and her ptsd flags about her mom...

Idk, but yea I fell for it, but at the same time it was because she was too good to be true in comparison from the Jay I just ran away from...and its been a year....but it still feels like I just left 2-3 months ago. And that's so weird to me.

Athena. Scam. Mentally Psychotic. But aye, crazy attracts crazy...

How do you explain how autism and adhd effect things? I struggle with a lot of things i just cant do them or i don't understand what people are saying! But my dad doesn't get it he gets so angry with me when i have meltdowns/shutdowns or i can't understand him. Im just so tired of him always being mad and yelling at me. How do i explain how hard im tryin and why i cant do it?

Hiya! I can tell you what some autistic traits are but I can’t tell you about ADHD as I don’t actually have it and I think it’d be wrong to explain something I don’t have. If any of my followers has it maybe they could explain some traits in the comments or reblogs! ❤️ All the autistic traits I’m going to mention are things that I personally have and that are common in autistic people. There are loads of traits and I’m sure these aren’t the only ones. Some of them being: • Trouble with social skills.• Trouble with communicating. • Trouble with social interaction.• Trouble making and keeping friends.• Trouble with eye contact.• Trouble with physical contact.• Trouble with changes.• Trouble with routine change.• Trouble with growing up and body changes.• Trouble with understanding sarcasm.• Trouble with understanding emotions.• Sensory issues.• Executive dysfunction. • Wanting to follow set rules.• More chances of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.• Obsessing over things like special interests (this is a good one!!).• Feeling very lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. • Echolalia.• Stimming (self-stimulation). I love doing lists (like you can probably tell lol) and they’re a great way of explaining things to people. Maybe you could do a list to give to your dad about all the things you’re experiencing? Then tell him what these listed things are linked to (Autism, ADHD) and maybe that’ll help him understand. Make sure to point out that you can’t help experiening these things, it’s just the way you are. Also here are some ways to explain meltdowns and shutdowns: A meltdown is an intense response to overwhelming situations. It happens when an autistic person becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses control. In a meltdown we usually don’t know what’s going on or what we’re doing, our mind and body just completely takes over. Meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums because we do not have them for attention or to get what we want! Meltdowns are completely out of our control and they’re really hard, scary things to deal with. A shutdown is a different response to extreme overload, anxiety, stress or exhaustion. When an autistic person goes into shutdown they will usually be very silent, go nonverbal, lock themselves in a room alone, isolate themselves, not be able to do any tasks, not be able to think straight, and do things to calm down like stimming or just going to sleep. If we aren’t able to calm ourselves down when we’re in a shutdown, it can sometimes lead to a meltdown.