either duniya literally bahot chhoti hai ya meine bumble bahot chala liya hai

star dust

one - mirror mirror

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date conversation log: y/n + blind date

"Hi, Goro right?"

"Yea, nice to meet you Y/n."

"Nice to meet you how are you?"

"I'm good, good. How are you?"

"I'm fine, you like nice."

"Thanks, you look beautiful as well."

"So...What do you do for a living?"

"I work as a indie artist, you're a model right?"

"Oh, you know my work?"

"I- I'm kind of a fan actually. You're just very pretty and I got excited to find out we matched on Bumble."

"Oh, cool..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a creep- Gosh I'm messing this up aren't I?"

"No, no! It's fine, you're not the first guy to be a fan who's gone out with me..."

"You got quiet, everything alright?"

"Yea! I'm just- Let's go back on our date yea?"

"Yea, definitely. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about your career if that's okay?"

"Yea, it's fine."

| Goro takes you back to your apartment complex after your date. |

"Well I had fun, did you?"

"It was nice going out with you. Thank you again for taking the time out of your day to get to know me."

"Definitely! I was wondering if I could possibly get a second date?"

"No disrespect but I'm not sure I want to. You seemed only focused on my following, promoting yourself, and not asking questions that are about me. Thank you Goro, but I hope you have a good night."

Finally back inside your shared apartment, you find your roommate sitting down watching TV. You hung your purse up and kicked off your shoes. You walked over and sat beside your roommate and laid your head back onto the couch. "I'm never going on a blind date again," You groaned. "All he did was ask me about being a model and if I could promote his music. It felt like a interview."

"At least you're home now right?" Yachi chuckled. You brought your head up and noticed a notification. It was from Bokuto Kōtarō, your biggest celebrity crush.

He had just tweeted he's back in Tokyo and it brought your mood up. You and your publicist, Eiichi, were the only two who knew you fangirl over him. Your followers always asked but you always kept your love for volleyball a secret. Especially to your other roommates, they all were apart of the volleyball team at their schools. You, however only attended the games to watch them play.

The first time you laid eyes on Bokuto was when his school played yours. You were fascinated by his skill and how great his team dynamic was. His looks were just a bonus, but you always took account what he did as time went on. You watched him play for the Black Jackals and now he's on the National Japan Volleyball Team.

Keeping your guilty pleasure was easy in your house. Lev and Yamaguchi played before in high school but never really saw it as a career. Yachi was a team manager but she didn't continue it either. You'd watch Bokuto's games in your room and switch it to editing photos if someone came in.

It's a dream to meet him, let alone see him in person. So you just admire the athlete from afar as you know it would be nearly impossible for you to be apart of his life.

a/n: im excited for this new story :)

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @snowsmuse @so-im-still-single @anhphunnnn @karasunobbys @elianetsantana

hey there, so like this is my first time requesting but your writing is sooo good i can't help myself. if you could, could you make a scenario for dazai and chuuya where his s/o is a non-ability who is very bubbly and innocent but they find out she has a deadly skill that could almost pass as an ability. im sorry if you're busy, you dont have to write this if you dont want to. I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH💕💕

OH IM GONNA WRITE IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF THE FUNNIEST BUT ALSO CUTEST THING OH YEAH ITS GETTING WROTE

THANKS BOOBOO ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dazai

You were like an angel, too pure for this world. Your heart was filled with nothing but good. You donated to charity, helped out in elementary schools during the week and volunteered at children’s hospitals, homeless shelters, and animal shelters during the weekend.

He looked at you as if you were a saint. Whenever you would come home from volunteering he’d bow down at your feet. “My goddess has returned! I’m not worthy!” You’d laugh at his dramatics, grabbing his hand and helping him off the floor.

“Shush.” You’d say before pecking a kiss on his lips.

When you weren’t out helping in the community, you were at home doing what you could to help out without being there. You took up knitting, and Dazai joked about it often. He even went as far as to buy a rocking chair with extra cushion for you to sit in while you would work. “You’re the cutest grandma, you know that?” He’d say, and you’d throw your ball of yarn at him.

“Shut up, and bring me my yarn back.” He’d re-wind the yarn that came undone when you threw it as he walked the ball back to where you sat.

He poked fun at it, but he would often sit on the floor next to your rocking chair, becoming entrances as he watched your hands carefully wrap the yarn around the needle and thread it through the loops. He didn’t understand how you did it, but everything you made came out perfectly, especially the tiny hats for newborn babies with matching booties, and sweaters for dogs and cats in the shelters for when it got cold. You had even made blankets for the people at the homeless shelters, making sure to use the softest yarn that would also be warm.

Sometimes he would come with you to the hospitals or the homeless shelters when he wasn’t working. He never went to the animal shelter though, he didn’t want to be anywhere where dogs were.

When he would go to the hospitals with you he would spend hours making over the babies and how cute they were in the new hats and booties you had made for them.

“Y/N, is it illegal to take a baby from the hospital?” He would ask you on the way back home and you’d just stare at him.

“You’re a cop, I hope you’re joking.”

“Yeah, obviously I’m joking but... so it’s illegal?”

You were used to people not liking your boyfriend. He had helped bring a lot of people to justice in his line of work. You weren’t expecting people to hate you though. Dazai had worked hard to make sure that anyone from opposing agencies or enemies didn’t know that you and him were dating. In the beginning he was always worried and on edge that something bad may happen to you just for being associated with him, but it’s been a year and a half now and nobody had tried to hurt you or kill you.

That’s why you were less than serious when the door got kicked open and three men stormed in, all of them wielding knives. It had to be some kind of weird prank by Dazai, or maybe even some strange act that would set the stage for a new fantasy kink.

“I’m kind of busy right now, can you come back in an hour?” You said calmly, holding up the knitting needles to show them that you were occupied.

“We don’t give a damn. You’re coming with us.” One of the men said, you didn’t know what he looked like, all of them had black masks on.

“Eh, I don’t think I am.” You shrugged, not even looking up from the new sweater you were making.

They were getting angry, the three men stomped over to where you were sitting in the rocking chair. One of them held his knife to your throat, and you finally realized that they weren’t joking, and Dazai wasn’t in on it. “I think you are. That bumbling boyfriend of yours needs to know. Mess with us and we mess with him. Now let’s go.” He pressed the knife deeper and your fight or flight instinct kicked in. You wouldn’t be able to outrun the three of them, so you had to fight.

You gripped the needles tighter, bringing your arm up to jab it into the mans neck. He staggered back and fell to the floor against the wall, trying to pull the needle out.

“What the fuck!?” One of the other men shouted, as the third one started sprinting towards you. You quickly grabbed the knife that the first man had dropped, preparing yourself to stab the man before he could get to you. As soon as he got close enough you forcefully pushed the knife into the mans stomach. He screamed as you twisted it, making him drop to his knees, blood dripping out of his mouth from the damage you had caused.

The final man stood there, assessing the scene, his hands in the air. He had already dropped his knife.

“Get the fuck out of my house.” Your voice was low, you were out of breath. You watched him run out your door, then took the time to finally realize what you had done. “Oh my god. Oh... oh my god....” You swallowed back the bile that was rising up your throat. You had killed two people, you had single handedly taken out two grown men. You were a murderer.

With sweaty hands and shaking fingers you dialed Dazai’s number, praying that he’d actually answer.

“Hey swee-“

“You need to come home, I need your help. Please hurry and come home.” Your voice was as shaky as your hands were.

“I’m coming.” His voice wasn’t as cheery as when he first picked up. Obviously his first thought was that you were being attacked or someone was trying to break in. He wasn’t expecting the grisly scene he walked into.

He examined both guys, confirming they were dead, and you couldn’t really understand why he was smiling the entire time he was making his mental report. You couldn’t see anything good about having two dead men in your apartment.

“You did this? Yourself?” He finally looked up to you while poking the knitting needle protruding from the mans neck.

“I was scared! I didn’t know what else to do! I didn’t mean it.” He watched you try to explain yourself. He tried to imagine what was going through the men’s brains when his adorable girlfriend, wearing a skirt with knee high socks and buckle shoes started fighting back, especially with knitting needles. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Why are you laughing!?”

“You’re just so... sexy. You got a little blood on your shirt too.” He got up off the floor and surprised you by sweeping you off your feet as you tried to find the blood stain he was talking about. “Don’t worry, I’ll get that shirt off you soon.”

Chuuya

If he could describe you as a color, it would be yellow. You were bright, fun, happy, you always found a way to put a smile on his face, even when he had the worst day. It was as if a ray of sun took form and for some reason decided that he was the one who deserved it.

Your spontaneous adventures, even if it was just to the park always kept things exciting. He would stand back and watch as you ran over to anyone with a dog, sitting on the ground in front of the furry animal as you looked up and conversed with the owner about the breed and how cute the dog was. He would hear about it for the rest of the day, your hands moving freely through the air as you described the dog, even though he was right there and seen it as well, he would smile and nod. You always found something to be excited about, even on days when it would rain and you both were stuck in the house you would find some way to make him forget about the dreariness of the outside world. Building pillow forts and watching movies as you both attempted to toss popcorn into each others mouths. You had a stash of board games for days like that, and you would let him pick which one he wanted to play. It was the simple things that he enjoyed.

Waking up to the sound of music drifting into the bedroom from the kitchen, your spot on the bed empty. He would groggily walk into the kitchen to find you in front of the stove, the smell of eggs and bacon and pancakes filled the room, but that wasn’t the best part. You would be wearing one of his button up shirts, and only that. Your hips would sway to the rhythm of the song and he’d just stand and watch, unable to fight the smile that would form on his lips and the feeling of pride as he watched you, knowing that you were his.

Other days he’d come home from work while you were straightening up, singing into the broomstick handle as if no one was watching and the living room was your stage. He’d shrug out of his coat, kick his shoes off and slide across the floor while playing the air guitar. You always put a smile on his face, everything you did was his favorite thing. He could never pick one particular thing that you did that made him happy, because honestly you in general made him happy.

Even when you weren’t being goofy, which was rare, but it did happen, he would take the time to sit back and appreciate your beauty. When you would curl up on the couch and drift off to sleep and he’d come home and find you there, he would just marvel at how perfect you were in that innocent state.

That’s why he did everything he could to keep you safe, make sure you were protected everywhere you went. Sure, it was kind of ridiculous to have the black lizards guarding every store you went into, but it was a precaution that needed to be taken. As long as his little drop of sun was safe he could relax.

The two of you were on your way to the restaurant, it was date night. You looked flawless, as usual, and Chuuya couldn’t wait to show you off. His phone started ringing and you picked it up for him so that he could keep one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh as he drove.

“Hi Mori!” You greeted him excitedly, and although he didn’t understand how Chuuya ended up with you, he couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your voice. You seemed to have that effect on anyone you came into contact with. “Will do! Thanks Mori! Buh-bye.” You shut the phone and put it back into the center console. Chuuya looked over to you, his eyes asking the question. “There’s some problem in an alley around the corner. He said it should be quick and you can handle it and get back to our date.”

He groaned but took the sharp turn that would lead to the alley in question. He saw the cloaked figure, like they were waiting for him. “Alright, this’ll be quick. Stay in the car.” He said, kissing your cheek before hopping out of the car.

You stared out the window, watching him stride into the alley. It sent a shot of electric up your legs, seeing him so dominant in situations like this. That was your man, and you couldn’t be prouder. You smiled as you watched him deliver kicks and punches to the figure in the alley, silently rooting for him.

Then you saw more figures coming from nowhere it seemed. There were at least six of them, and you started worrying. He would get hurt if he tried to fight all of them by himself, and you couldn’t have that. It would take too long to call someone and have them come out and help. Your mind raced as you tried to think of something to do, then you remembered the pistol that he had in the glove box. You pulled it out, checking to see if it had ammo, and then hopped out of the car.

“Hey, assholes!” You called, and everyone stopped to look at you. You cocked the gun and aimed it at them. Your hands didn’t shake, and you eyed up your target and pulled the trigger. Headshot.

The figures split up, some advancing towards you while the rest went after Chuuya. You fired the gun quickly, they all dropped like flies. Each one being hit exactly where you aimed. Headshots, chest shots, you even managed to get one in the throat which even you were shocked about. You moved further into the alley, pressing the barrel of the pistol against the head of the one who was about to attack Chuuya while he was fighting the first figure. “Not today, pal.” You said menacingly, pulling the trigger. Blood and bits of flesh and brain tissue splattered onto your face and you dropped the gun to the ground.

Chuuya finished with the final figure and ran over to where you stood. You were frozen, the warmth of the blood against your face made you want to vomit. “Are you okay?” He asked, grabbing your arms and examining them, then moving to the rest of your body to make sure there was no damage done. The amount of blood on you worried him, but once he realized that you were okay, he sighed with relief.

“I need a shower and and and and.... oh my god this is gross.” You couldn’t keep your hands from shaking as you tried to wipe the blood off your face.

“I mean, it’s pretty gross, but god damn, my bad ass little princess. Who would have thought?” His sense of pride sky rocketed.

After you both returned to the penthouse, the date was completely forgotten about at this point, and you both showered together. He rubbed your shoulders as the water fell over both of your bodies. The water was stained with red as you washed the blood from your face and when the shower was over you wrapped the towel around yourself and laid in the bed.

“You took the gun and you were like ‘bang bang bang’ and I was like ‘oh my god!’ And you shot all of them! How did you learn to do that?!” He was pacing the room in his boxers as he described the whole situation again, his feet padded against the floor leaving water footprints on the hard wood.

“I don’t know, I just didn’t want you to get hurt, so I shot them.” You said it nonchalantly, rolling to your side and propping yourself up on your elbow. “Seems like you enjoyed it.” You joked and he whipped around to look at you. The look in his eyes, you knew the look well.

“Oh I enjoyed. I don’t think you know how much I enjoyed it.” His voice was low and husky.

“You can tell me.”

He got into the bed and situated himself over top of you, holding himself up with one arm while the other pulled open the towel that you had wrapped around yourself. “I think I’d rather show you.”

Anonymous submitted:

27/f i’ve never really been in a relationship my whole life. when i was young i had crushes, and i was *obsessed* with this one guy i really thought i was going to marry but he never reciprocated. fast forward to my adult life, everyone around me was in a relationship, getting married, or talking about being in a relationship except for me. the closest i had been to being in one is with this one guy i dated for about a year in my early 20s. But the whole time i was with him, i was REPULSED, and I was constantly looking for a way out but i didn’t like confrontation and i didn’t want to hurt his feelings. he would tell me stuff like how much i mean to him, and eventually told me he loves me, i pretty much gagged everytime he said that, so i broke it off.

i never had the motivation to pursue a relationship although i think in the back of my mind, i kinda do, but maybe there’s some social pressure to it also? like the idea of marriage and kids appeal to me on the surface, but everytime my mom brings up me getting married, i GAG at the idea.

recently i went on bumble and started talking to guys, and i had some REALLY good ones i was talking to. i liked one enough to give him my number, and once we started talking for a while, that repulsive feeling in my gut comes back. and i sabotaged it by getting distant until he stopped texting me altogether. and i was so mad at myself! like whats the problem?? he’s attractive, he likes what i like, he’s funny too??? and to keep this post short, i tried with girls too, so i know im not gay.

i recently discovered the term “aromantic” and immediately thought holy crap thats me! and i understand that it’s different for everybody, but personally i can maybe tolerate romantic gestures in small doses? until at some point it gets too much and i bail. but i still kinda like the idea of having one person to call your own, but i don’t know how to navigate that! like do i just tell someone, “hey, i really like you, this is an exclusive relationship, but lets just act like friends, ok?” i’ve read up on aromanticism and some said that they’re not capable of falling in love, and honestly, thats kinda scary to me?? i don’t wanna grow old alone, but i kinda do. like im not sure what i want in this regard, and i feel annoyed not knowing myself! and i can’t explain it to other people if i cant explain it to myself! (i really hope this post makes sense, im sorry of it doesnt )

hey there :* I’m so glad you mentioned aro (aromantic), because that’s the first thing I would have suggested to look into! while it can help a lotttt to read forums and other people’s experiences though, try to also take their comments or posts with a grain of salt -- just because that’s their personal experience doesn’t mean that it’s universal.

how to navigate the dating world though? it’s not easy, as there’s not a lot of information or websites set up for something like this. I don’t know of any aro-specific apps, AceApp has come up on a few searches but it seems more aimed at asexual people rather than aromantic. generally the main thing to focus on, is communication. it could help to put “aro / aromantic” in your bumble bio or other other dating apps you use -- it might feel weird, but honestly anyone who would judge you isn’t someone you’d want to match with anyway. if you aren’t keen on doing that? then yeah I really would say just that, “hey, i really like you, this is an exclusive relationship, but lets just act like friends, ok?”. sometimes being direct and straightforward is the best way to go, especially when it comes to people who don’t know you.

this post really does make sense, you’ve articulated yourself well. you don’t have to know just yet what you do or don’t want later in life? 0: it can feel pretty frustrating but honestly you really do have time to figure that out, a lot can change between now and then anyway! it’s difficult to know what you want if you haven’t experienced it before, maybe wait until you meet someone you feel a connection with? and then it might be easier to decide whether you can see yourself growing old with them or not. there’s a website called AVEN, they have a section dedicated to all things aro, it could help to chat to people there who can relate. all the best <33

- tash

New York Minute PT. 2

anonymous said: I saw you say your requests are open (but your bio doesn’t say they are so I totally understand if I misunderstood and I apologize). I was wondering if you could do a ben hardy imagine where the reader and he aren’t together but he gets jealous about one of the other boys (and realizes his feelings) and the rest is up to you ;) thank you! and anonymous said: Ooh could you do an age gap thing with either roger or ben of like roger being in the early 1980s and reader/oc being in their early 20s and Ben being the age he is now with someone in their early 20s??

(a/n: she is here, and she is BIG!!! LORGE!!!1 she’s 13k+ im so sorry anyways theres some more pining in here, boundaries questioned, and mcdonalds. dont say i didnt warn you. also funny joe moments because we love neighbor joe)

"I mean, it's not the first thing I'd want to sit and watch with you guys. It's kinda sad, isn't it?" You were fiddling with the buckle on some strappy high heels as you sat in a chair adjacent to where they were lounging on two folding chairs. They were dressed down, ready for an impromptu night of binge-watching Chernobyl that they'd just planned maybe a couple hours ago, accompanied by a homemade recipe you'd been wanting to try out for a while. You, on the other hand, had planned a Tinder date tonight, but you agreed to help cook and stick around for a while until you went to grab drinks with Jameson, who was lanky, had a small man-bun, and apparently quite an interest in American Pale Ales. You knew that Joe (and probably Ben, once Joe told him) would clown you off the face of God's Green Earth for your choices - but, Jameson was cute, and drinks on him, so why not? You'd asked Joe that exact question as you prepared the food. "What a catch," Joe had teased as you'd worked around him in the kitchen, having directed him to start making the cream sauce for the chicken you were currently baking. 

"Don't act like you aren't any less of a white boy than him, Joe," you snarked right back, sending him a quick scowl before checking on the chicken, frowning when it didn't appear to be cooking very fast. "Did you turn the oven down?" "No- Oh shit, I must have bumped it," he mumbled, turning the oven back up to cooking temp and grinning sheepishly. "My bad." Sitting his spoon to the side, he went to the fridge and grabbed two beers while you started chopping mushrooms, mumbling to yourself about terrible sous chefs. "Dummy. When's Ben going to be here?" you asked offhandedly, remembering that he'd mentioned a specific time in the group chat you were all in. Joe had started it to send a shitty meme to the both of you, after which he'd been properly roasted, and the three of you hadn't shut up since. Neither you nor Ben had taken it to the next step - texting one on one. There was still an unspoken barrier there, and neither of you were brave enough to cross it.  "Dunno. Why? Is he secretly your Tinder date?" Joe teased, popping the top off of the bottle before holding it out to you with a devilish grin. It was eye-roll inducing, and you took the bottle with a small thanks before leaning back against the counter, taking a sip.   "I told you I saw him on Bumble, not Tinder. And I haven't been on there since." "Did you swipe right?" Joe pried, popping the top off of his bottle as well before tossing the two lids in his trash. As he came back to lean his butt against the counter across from you, he wiggled his eyebrows. "He's single, you know. And he doesn't obsess over local brews." "Joe, shut up, Jameson's nice! And no," you admitted, hiding behind the bottle a bit as you took another sip. "I kind of.... exited the app and haven't been back on it since. It spooked me. Don't want to get caught up in that." "Why?" he laughed, a bit of beer trickling over the lip of the bottle before running down to rest between the crook of his thumb and index finger. "What would you have done if you swiped right and you matched? Is he not attractive to you? Is he really that bad?" "No, no, shut up," you groaned, letting your head fall back for a moment before laughing and shaking your head. "It's not that, it's just.... awkward after hearing about all those stories about London and the pubs. I don't want to mess around with someone like that, I'm fragile. And he's your friend!" Translation: Your hot womanizer friend could ruin my life in about two texts and I'd probably still thank him. "Our friend," Joe corrected, taking another sip of his beer and raising an eyebrow.  "Do you really think it's been long enough for us to be considered friends like that?" you wondered aloud, frowning a bit as you pondered the idea. "I mean, I don't want to overstep boundaries, but I guess we do have each other added on Facebook now. And we did have a good talk while you slept on my reclining chair - again." "Boom. Friends," Joe simply replied, gesturing vaguely with his hand to imitate an explosion. "And what about the London stories are so bad that you just cannot consider him at all? I think you guys would be good for each other." "Joe, have you been paying attention to my dating life the last few years?" Raising an eyebrow, you watched as he nodded, still seeming like he didn't see what made Ben the same as the rest of them. "You told me stories about a young, smooth-talking guy who was gifted at the pump and dump and not gifted at the 'get their name and call them the next day to go out for dinner' part. That sounds like.... literally over 80% of the guys who have destroyed my life recently." "Ew... don't call it the pump and dump." He wrinkled his nose in disgusted, then grinned a little bit and shook his head. "To be fair to the man, he had just gotten out of a pretty serious relationship. They were just rebounds." "You're destroying your argument even more. Who's to say I wouldn't be a rebound too if I matched him?" You had him there. Pursing his lips, he looked quizzical, as if he was questioning his own argument, and it took him a few seconds to gather his thoughts before he shrugged reluctantly. He had many things he could say to you, but he was running out of ways to say them. "Exactly. I cannot be another rebound. And imagine how awkward that would make things between all of us if I was!" "It would only be awkward if you let it be awkward." When you rolled your eyes, Joe frowned, clearly frustrated with how you weren't budging an inch - he really thought you two would be a fun match, and he didn't understand why you were failing to see that. Sighing, he took another drink of his beer before sitting it on the counter and crossing his arms. "What do you think of him? Honest opinion, no bias from what I've said before. Just your impression of him these last few weeks." "Honestly?" you echoed, taking another drink of your beer as you thought back to all the exchanges you'd had with him since he'd moved here. "I thought he wasn't really like the guy you told me about at all." Joe's frown slowly morphed into a smug grin, and you gave him a warning look as you tried to shut it down quickly. "That doesn't mean anything! Guys like Ben are really good at seeming harmless! I'm not convinced-" "I can already hear the wedding bells." When you sent him an unconvinced look, he just laughed and reached out to gently push your shoulder. "I'm just joshing ya! He's really not that bad. Like I said, all those stories I told you about going out with them in London are only partially fact. I was pretty drunk." "He seemed nice the other night, so I really don't want to know which parts are true. I'd like to keep a somewhat pristine, at-arm-length image of the dude," you dismissed, grimacing a bit. "He is cute, though, I will give you that. All of you damn actors are lookers and it pisses me off." "Was that a compliment?" Joe asked after a brief silence, raising an eyebrow. "You sounded so mad, I couldn't tell." When you rolled your eyes in response, he just rolled his eyes too before crossing his arms again. "If Ben's cute, why didn't you swipe right? You don't have to keep him at distance, what's the harm in being closer than that?" "Dude, you don't understand!" Huffing softly, you looked up at the ceiling for a moment and attempted to collect your thoughts - and more importantly, your half-assed excuses. Closing your eyes, you tried to be as level as you could, speaking almost in monotone. "I know that Ben is out of my league, and he probably just sees me as your weird neighbor girl. He's like, a solid 9.9 and on a good day I'm pushing 7. I also know that he's got too much game and he'd easily ruin my life. And he probably swiped left!" Opening an eye, you peeked over at Joe, who was watching in amusement, and pointed your finger. "Don't make a joke about Jameson." "I didn't say anything!" he laughed, holding up his hands in surrender, and you sighed before opening both eyes and turning to burying your face in your hands as you propped your elbows on the counter. "Oh, come on, stop being such a drama queen. It's not that deep. You're both young - well, you're a little younger-" "Wow, no shit, Sherlock," you grumbled, not even moving an inch. "As I was saying," he snipped, narrowing his eyes a bit at the rude interruption before continuing. "You're both young, single-" The sound of the door opening stopped him in his tracks, and you shot up from where you'd been wallowing in your own self pity, turning to the stove quickly to see the cream sauce turning an odd consistency. "Joe, seriously, who taught you to cook?" you lamented quietly, grabbing the pan and making a frustrated noise before pouring out the sauce that he'd managed to scald already.  "I let down my guard for two seconds and you do this? Now we gotta start over, dummy!" "No one! No one taught me to cook!" Joe answered in mock frustration as he gave you a knowing look, snickering a bit when he shuffled past you to get to the fridge again, his hand just ghosting over the small of your back to scoot you out of the way. You reacted like it was instinct, moving over and letting him into the cramped area as you turned the other way, headed to rinse out the sauce pan in the sink when you suddenly saw Ben in the doorway, looking a bit sheepish that he'd walked in on such an oddly domestic scene. Offering him a rushed smile, you turned on the warm water before turning to give Joe a gentle but firm kick in the butt, making him cry out in confusion and whirl around to give you a really pissed-off look. But the look only lasted for a moment as he pretended to just notice Ben, and a delighted smile quickly replaced the insulted scowl as he sat the cream down on the counter, shutting the fridge behind him. "Hey, bud, you hungry?" he asked, once again skirting around you to greet his friend with a quick handshake and a one-armed hug. Turning to face them, you placed a hand on your apron-clad hip and smiled a bit at the bromance. The apron on you read 'EAT MY MEAT' in bold white lettering atop the black fabric, and Ben couldn't help but chuckle at the juxtaposition between the aggressive statement and the homely kitchen it currently resided in.  "We're making enough for four," you chimed in, giving Ben a pointed look and smiling pleasantly. "One for me, one for you, and two for Mr. Black Hole over here." "Oh my God, I can't help that I'm hungry sometimes! Why do you always have to roast me for everything?" "Yes, yes, yes!" you cheered excitedly, clapping and jumping a few times as Joe returned to making the cream sauce. "You said roast!" Joe's face scrunched up for a moment, then he huffed softly and shook his head, bowing it a bit. "I fuckin' did, didn't I? I hate that. We're not allowed to hang out any more." Snickering at his upset tone, you greeted Ben with a quick hug before grabbing the other apron on the counter and holding it up, raising an eyebrow in silent question. Ben looked down at himself, gesturing at the stained gym clothes, and you shrugged as Joe started talking again, unawares of the silent conversation. "So I was thinking we can eat and watch Chernobyl, maybe get a little crazy on some American Pale Ales before Y/N leaves," he hummed, laughing when you sent him a withering look and smacked him with the apron. "I'm not letting it go, dude! You were the one who fucked up and told me about the pale ales!" "Joe, I'm literally trying so hard just to find someone decent, so what if he's a white boy that's snobby about beers? I'm running out of options," you lamented, sitting the apron down on the counter and pouting a bit as you went to check the chicken again, huffing when the inside temp only read around 140 degrees. "So close." "Tinder date tonight, huh?" Ben asked, taking over on the mushrooms that you'd neglected as he looked over at you. There was a somewhat hesitant look in his eyes, and you nearly choked on air when he took a deep breath and added, "Or is it Bumble?" An awkward silence quickly fell over the three of you - both you and Ben had talked to Joe about it, but neither of you had any idea about the other reaching out. So many words left unsaid hung in the air as you straightened up again, shutting the oven and forcing on a smile despite your embarrassment. What a fucking cheeky bastard, just blatantly throwing that out there like that. Maybe he was more alike to London Ben than you'd thought. "Um, no. Tinder, actually." And that was that, Ben looking back down to the mushrooms with a mildly amused expression as he finished slicing them, the three of you lapsing into another momentary silence. "Well," Joe finally sighed, giving the both of you an awkward smile as he turned back to the cream sauce, putting the seasonings in again. "I'm really banking on the slim chance that I have some Lactaid in the medicine cabinet." To punctuate his sentence, he dipped his finger into the cream sauce to taste test, humming in appreciation as you looked on in mild disgust, however thankful you were for his diversion. "Are you for real? I'm not taking care of you if you don't have any," you chastised gently, Joe pouting a bit at your harshness and crossing his arms. "I'll take care of you, mate," Ben offered up, holding out the bowl of sliced mushrooms for Joe and grinning when Joe gave him exaggerated eyes, taking the bowl and blowing a kiss at him before starting to saute the mushrooms in the extra skillet you'd been heating on the back-burner. "I'll go check and see if you've got a few left." With that, he was wiping his hands on his shirt, nodding at you before leaving you both alone. As soon as you heard his footsteps retreat down the hallway, you turned to Joe and let your jaw drop, Joe doing all he could to not burst out in laughter as his knees buckled a bit, a hand flying out to steady himself on the counter. Throwing his head back, he let out a quiet gurgling noise akin to an animal dying as a smile practically cracked his face in half, his amusement with this whole situation having grown tenfold in the last minute or so. "That was so...." you trailed off, genuinely shocked that Ben had felt cheeky enough to hint at something so personal for the both of you, and you furrowed your eyebrows at Joe's continued silent laughter, crossing your arms. "Why are you laughing? Did he talk to you about it too?!" "It might have come up," Joe admitted between inhuman noises, his face red from the effort of silencing his peals of laughter. He conveniently left out the part where Ben had been pestering Joe about what you'd said about him all week - Ben had swiped right, after all, and the longer he didn't know if the feeling was mutual, the more antsy he'd gotten. "Joe! Are you fucking serious?!" you whined, trying to keep your voice down as you peeked down the hallway quickly before throwing your hands up in a questioning manner. "What did he say?" "I will not disclose any discussions between me and my client-" "Oh shut up shut up shut up!" you whisper yelled, quickly trying to rush Joe and smack at him but getting caught at arms-length when he reached out and pressed a hand against your forehead, effectively stopping you in your tracks. "Joe, this is so unfair," you almost whimpered, dropping your hands to your side as you leaned into his hand, huffing. "That was so awkward! Did you hear how smooth that was? I'm going to be so mad when I get on Bumble and find out he swiped left." "I think you're underestimating yourself waayyyyy too much," Joe laughed, resting both of his hands on your shoulders like an encouraging coach as he grinned down at you. "And what about the arm's-length thing? I'm not going to tell you what Ben said about the Bumble thing. Whatever it is, it's between you two. You're both adults." "Joe, please," you whined, pouting so exaggeratedly you probably looked like a five year old asking for one more Girl Scout Cookie as you gazed up at him sadly, trying to guilt it out of him. "I need validation." "Stick that lip out any further and birds will shit on it, kid," he teased, snickering when you just gave him a wilting look and stopped pouting, instead crossing your arms. "Aw, come on. Cheer up, stupid. He told me he liked your bio on Bumble! Is that enough?" After considering it for a moment, you shrugged and tried not to look as grumpy. "I guess." Pursing his lips, Joe deadpan stared at you for a moment before smiling cheerily and reaching up to pat your cheek in a friendly manner. "It's not a no!" At that moment, Ben popped back around the corner, holding a slightly used box of Lactaid and raising an eyebrow when he saw Joe's hand quickly retracting from your face, dropping to his side, but not before his fingers brushed against your cheek. It was glaringly intimate from an outsider's perspective, but all you felt was Joe's grimy hand leaving shit behind on your face. As much as you wanted to continue throwing a fit, especially with the added awkwardness from what Ben had just 'witnessed,' you stepped away from Joe and picked up the spoon next to the stove, forcing anything but a pout onto your lips as you wiped your cheek off on your forearm. "Looks like your boyfriend's got your anti-diarrhea pills." "Stop calling them that!" Joe sighed, exasperated as he turned back to the mushrooms. "I can't help it that my taste buds love dairy just as much as my body hates it." Ben sat the box down on the counter, watching as you gave the cream sauce a quick, indifferent stir. You were really just trying to find something to do to avoid facing the blonde anyways, but he didn't seem to mind as he leaned against the counter across from the two of you, crossing his arms.  "Anything I can do to help, MasterChef and MasterChef Junior?" You smiled at the names, Joe furrowing his eyebrows for a moment before looking over his shoulder at Ben. "I'm not Junior, right?" Ben shrugged, feigning apathy, and Joe made an appalled noise before huffing a bit, turning back to focus on the mushrooms. Giggling quietly, you looked over your shoulder and nodded to the fridge. "There's bacon in there. Do you want to slice it up into little pieces so Joe can add it to the mushrooms in a bit?" Uncrossing his arms, Ben pushed himself up off the counter and nodded with a smile, which you reciprocated before turning back to the cream sauce and chewing on your lower lip. You could hear the sound of him shuffling past, his proximity so dangerously close that you could have sworn you felt the heat radiating off of him even when he retrieved the bacon from the fridge, tossing it on the counter where he'd been chopping mushrooms. You heard the sound of him cutting into the package of bacon with the knife. What you didn't expect was a clearly disgusted noise from him, followed by a slightly rancid smell that immediately made you wrinkle your nose and look at Joe, who was making the same face. "I think the bacon's expired," Ben finally said, and you both turned to find him standing there with a pallid, overly-greasy piece of bacon pinched between his fingers, dangling down in front of Ben's mildly horrified face. "Jesus, Joe, I thought you said you had bacon," you groaned playfully, wiping your hands off on your apron before peeking around Ben to see the whole package was expired. "That smells awful!" Joe was silent for a moment, mouth open as if he was trying to find the words to say before he began to stutter. "Well - I did, it just looks kind of....." "Disgusting," Ben finished for him, dropping the piece of bacon back in the package. "Do you have more anywhere?" When Joe shook his head, you grumbled and sat the spoon down, heading for your apartment. "I think I still have some. Ben, can you keep an eye on the sauce so Joe doesn't cause any other disasters?" "Yes, ma'am," he replied cheerily, Joe whining in indignation as you grinned, grabbing your phone and heading back over to your place for a second. As you walked across the balcony, you unlocked your phone to check a message from your friend when the app icon caught your eye. The yellow square, with a white, honeycomb-ish icon in the middle, taunted you as you slowed to a stop, your free hand resting on the door handle. Glancing back over to Joe's side of the balcony, you made sure they weren't on your tail before looking back to your phone and biting your lip. Should you do it? Maybe Joe was right. "No, no, no, don't be stupid," you muttered. Pulling open your door, you retrieved the bacon without so much as looking at the Bumble app again. And you managed to avoid it for the next hour while you helped Ben get rid of the spoiled bacon, eventually getting the creamy bacon mushroom thyme chicken finished and in your stomachs, after which you started to get ready for your date while they took a quick break on the folding chairs just outside Joe's balcony door. Whatever they were expecting, it clearly wasn't what they saw as you slid open your balcony door, stepping out in a little black dress-type number that definitely cut the conversation off immediately. They both stared shamelessly, making you suddenly regret getting all dolled up when you still had an hour to go before Jameson even planned on dropping by to pick you up. In fact, it made you regret getting dolled up at all as you tugged at your hoop earring, smiling sheepishly.  "That bad?" you joked, but from the look in your eye, Joe could tell you weren't exactly completely cocksure at this exact moment, so he flashed you an encouraging grin and shook his head. You read like a book, and no one was more in tune with you than Joe. "Far from it. You'll knock him dead, kid." Taking another sip of his beer, you spotted the mischievous glint in his eye too late, his mouth already dropping open to continue before you could redirect the conversation. "Don't you agree, Ben?" "Huh? Oh yeah, mate, for sure," Ben stammered, feeling like a deer in the headlights as he nervously kept his eyes above your neckline. "You'll be the prettiest bird in the place. Jaden will have to keep an eye on you." "Jameson," you corrected, grinning a bit at the compliment and trying not to laugh at his failed attempt of remembering your date's name. Chalking it up to forgetfulness, you fell down in the chair on your side of the tape line, leaning down to adjust the buckle on your heel. "But thank you. Both of you." "Ready to watch Chernobyl?" Joe asked, kicking a cigarette butt that Ben had just stomped out and watching as it tumbled over the edge of the concrete, falling to the sidewalk below. "I mean, it's not the first thing I'd want to sit and watch with you guys. It's kinda sad, isn't it?" Frowning, you finished adjusting the buckle and bent down to check the other one, Ben checking you out for just a second before turning to Joe to send him a distressed look. Joe only pressed his lips together, fighting back a snicker and stifling his words completely with another drink of his beer. "Let's watch something else. Let's watch BoRhap." Groaning, Joe dropped the hand that held his beer to the armrest on his chair again, letting his head fall back in annoyance. "Not again!" "Why do you want to watch that?" Ben asked curiously, crossing his fingers that you wouldn't say it was your favorite movie, but you only shrugged and grinned before sitting up again, running a hand back over your hair. Joe answered for you. "She likes watching so she can.... roast me. Started as payback when I printed out a bunch of pictures of her in middle school and posted them all over the building. Which was payback for God knows what. Which was probably also payback." "Oh," Ben said quietly, a slow grin appearing on his face as he looked between the two of you. "I'm all for it, then." "That's the spirit!" you cheered, standing up and holding out your hands for the both of them. Joe grumbled as he took your hand, pulling himself to his feet and shooting both of you dirty looks before stomping inside. Ben took your hand next, and you helped him to his feet with an excited grin before pulling him inside, dropping his hand just past the door under the watchful eyes of your neighbor, who couldn't suppress a knowing smile before he grabbed the remote, flopping down on the couch. You had an interesting concept of what arm's-length meant. And so you sandwiched yourself between the two of them on the couch while the movie started, Joe's arms propped up on one arm of the couch while Ben spread his arms out over the back of the couch. You were hugging your waist, legs tucked to the side and your knee just barely brushing up against Ben's thigh whenever he'd shift to get more comfortable. He was manspreading, which came as no surprise to you - every Ben Type you'd known before was especially gifted at taking up an abnormal amount of space. But Joe was curled up and slightly turned away from you, his arms crossed as if an instinctive need to defend himself was setting in. Soon, Ben knew why. "That perm..... iconic," you laughed, Ben snickering along with you as Joe pressed his face into his hands, groaning quietly. "Somehow, the wig manages to add a staggering half a foot to your height and you're still almost the shortest one in the group." "Why is no one making fun of Ben's wig? Why am I being targeted here?" he asked exasperatedly, Ben gasping in mock hurt that Joe would try to redirect. "Ben was probably wearing heels anyways!" "Wow, mate, way to try and change the subject. Why do you want me to be bullied too?" "Why do you want me to be bullied too?" Joe repeated mockingly, shooting a withering look at the both of you as you giggled incessantly, reaching over to elbow Joe teasingly. "70's suburban mom wig. It's a 70's suburban mom look! You look like you nail rail cocaine on the reg but also think rock and roll is the devil's music." Raising an eyebrow at Joe, Ben stared with narrowed eyes for a moment before tilting his head indicatively at the screen, where Joe was in his full glory with his perm. "Joe, is that your hair, or did someone throw a toaster oven to you while you were in the bath?" Your eyes widening, you laughed once and pressed a hand to your mouth, impressed with Ben's saltiness. "Who am I kidding, why would you be in a bath?" "Cleaning you out of the drain," Joe fired back almost immediately, casually turning his attention back to the screen despite his bitter smile. "Bold of you to assume I don’t bathe anyways, you still currently smell like the Bay of Pigs with that rotten bacon shit." "Joe, holy shit!" you yelled, looking at Joe in shock before bursting out laughing and turning to Ben. He was almost shocked, jaw slightly slack as he stared over at Joe in what seemed to be a mix of surprise and mild offense. "Ben, you're done for! Joe literally just insulted the way you smell and also called you one of the biggest failures of the last century. Roasted!" "It was a military failure.... fuck you both," Ben weakly shot back, running out of ammo as you and Joe both turned on him. "Why do you always say roasted? You Gen Z shit." "Wow! Okay?! I was born like maybe 6 years after you. You're like... not even a decade older. And I'm not Gen Z. Stop acting like I was in the womb while you fought in the Bay of Pigs. Even if you do smell like it." Joe burst into a fit of giggles, burying his face in the armrest next to him as he kicked his feet a bit, beyond amused at how quickly this had turned on Ben, who was now staring at you in shock. After  another few seconds of silence, he shut his mouth and pushed himself up from the couch, smoothing a hand over his hair and letting out an exaggerated sigh. "I'm sensing hostility and I think this is my opportunity to leave for a smoke break so I can cry about how all of my friends like bullying me." "No, no, we're just joking!" you laughed, leaning over on Joe and covering your mouth to stifle the giggles as Joe nodded weakly, trying to contain his as well. "Yeah, come on, Ben, we're just fucking with you!" "Why should I sit back down if I smell like the Bay of Pigs?" Ben pointed out, and you rolled your eyes playfully before reaching out and wrapping your hands around his wrist, tugging him back towards the couch. "We like you even though you're stinky. Come back and finish the movie with us!" Even though it passed over your head like a bad joke, your pull on Ben was magnetic. Joe watched, amazed as the usually hard-headed blond just rolled his eyes and sat back down next to you without another protest. Joe couldn't have pulled him from a smoke break even if he'd gotten on his knees and begged, but one teasing, pleading moment from you and Ben was seated right back next to you, his arm around the back of the couch and resting near your shoulder as you made a content noise and settled back into the couch again, redirecting your attention to the TV. That's when Joe caught Ben's eye, trying to send him a subtle 'You're fucking whipped and she's not even at full power' look, but the blond just furrowed his eyebrows, failing to decipher Joe's cryptic gaze. "Aw, shit," you mumbled, distracting the both of them just as Joe was about to make a kissy face. Both men shifted their attention down to your phone, where a text chat was pulled up with none other than Jameson. "I gotta bounce, I'll see you guys later." Rising from your seat, you smoothed down your dress over your curves before heading for the door, the heels clicking against Joe's wooden floorboards. "Pray for me, 'kay?" "Pre-marital sex is a sin!" Joe called after you, grinning as he heard your laugh resounding down the hallway just before the door was opened. And then, you were gone, leaving the both of them to spread out a bit on the couch in silence before Joe finally broke it again. "I'm turning this off." "Yeah, might as well," Ben cringed, settling into the couch more and watching as Joe switched his Roku back to the main menu. "Might actually have that smoke break now." "Oh no, Ben, don't leave. We want you here even though you smell like rotten bacon," Joe schmoozed, fluttering his eyelashes for dramatic effect as Ben laughed, flipping him off and sitting up a bit. "Man, the power of the p-" "Stop, I was just being nice! It has nothing to do with... what she has downstairs." Grimacing, he afforded Joe one quick look before he was focusing on the screen again, nervous for whatever reason about the conversation at hand. Huffing softly, he decided to turn it on Joe before he got the upper hand. "Besides, you're the one that let her convince you to turn on this movie and get roasted for a full hour! And you guys looked pretty cozy when I came back with your anti-diarrhea pills." "Lactaid. Just.... call it Lactaid," Joe grumbled, pulling up Netflix and scrolling through the choices slowly. "And we were not cozy. I was just comforting her, is all." "About what?" Ben pried, raising an eyebrow and looking dreadfully curious about it all, a sly grin just showing on his lips. "Looks like you two were just about to snog to me." There's certain types of people who like to be blatant matchmakers. Mrs. Bennett from Pride and Prejudice comes to mind - a person who very clearly is sizing up every eligible bachelor just to place them with a daughter, or a friend, etc. They take pride in very obviously urging a pair of people together, and then like to take credit for it afterwards. Joe was not one of those people. As much as he wanted to match-make with you two, he was not the type who was going to lay it all out on the table for either of you. It wasn't his place, and it certainly wasn't his battle, so he told a little white lie, one that piqued interest but also completely concealed what was really happening.  "Dude, she's a little bit too young for me, don't you think? And she was nervous about the date tonight. Doesn't want it to go wrong. Completely innocent." "Sure." Ben remained unconvinced but painfully curious, quiet as Joe finally settled on That 70's Show, snuggling back into the couch and wrapping his arms around a pillow that laid in between him and Ben. "Does she go on a lot of bad dates, then?"  "Oh, tons," Joe replied, fighting back a smug smile as Ben went down the exact path Joe had so graciously opened for him. "She's really good at picking the douchebags, you know? A talent that a multitude of women seem to possess for God knows what reason. The one tonight is a real doozy - hear me out." Turning so he was facing Ben, he lifted his hands and formed a picture frame in the air for a second, then grinned. "Jameson. 33 years old. Scrawny looking guy. Man bun! And here's the best part - he's passionate about American Pale Ales." "Oh, Christ," Ben laughed, rolling his head back to let it rest on the couch while he shook his head. "I feel bad for her!" "I don't!" Joe countered, waving the thought of dismissively with a flick of his hand as he went back to watching the show. "She's capable of making her own shitty decisions. We just get to hear about it afterwards." "I still feel bad, though," Ben hummed, raising his head again to stare at the TV for a few moments before clearing his throat, glancing at Joe quickly. "Did she say anything about Bumble, by chance?" Joe smirked. Not a good sign, Ben thought, but he tried not to panic as he watched his friend take another drink of his beer, keeping his eyes glue to the TV and nonchalantly tapping his fingers on the armrest. "Not really. She's only been on this Jameson guy for the last few days and I think he was Tinder." "Oh." Silence followed, then Ben shifted his legs and scratched at his knee nervously, wetting his lips before continuing. "Probably hasn't been on Bumble lately, then, yeah?" "Probably not." Nodding to himself, Ben decided that would have to satiate him for now, and he relaxed back into the couch as much as he could while the sound of Hyde roasting someone went in one ear and out the other. "Jameson going to last long?" "With the way she acts?" Joe tore his eyes away from the screen slowly, meeting his friend's gaze. "No way." Hope flooded Ben's heart once again, and he tried not to smile too wide as he nodded again, trying to play off his excitement with an offhand joke. "If she's so mean to us, imagine how she is to rubbish dates." The two of them considered the thought, then burst into laughter and looked back up to the screen, slowly quieting down and just watching the show with almost imperceptible grins on their faces. --- you: guys you: i'm swearing off of men forever joe-brainer: Finally! joe-brainer: How was Jameson? you: I'M STILL HERE you: i've heard about the difference between hops and malt THREE TIMES you: and he's really serial killer material he's creeping me out you: and he's got an accent?? big ben: Ouch, that's rough. Why are you texting in the middle of a date? you: why are you texting in the middle of ur date you: with joe joe-brainer: Yeah Ben wtf. I thought we had something. big ben: I want to see other people. big ben: Back me up please Y/N You giggled, quickly quieting yourself as Jameson returned with your drinks again. It was about your fourth or fifth round, and you were starting to get a buzz that made this date slightly less miserable than it had already been. But that wasn't saying much at all - as you looked across the table at your date, you almost had to fight back the urge to cry at how lost you felt. How in the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? "Thank you." Smiling softly, you took a sip of the new lager that he'd brought over, fighting back a disgusted expression as the acrid aftertaste rocked you to the core. Jameson just nodded, offering a small smile before taking a disgustingly large drink of his own, apparently unfazed by the bitter taste. Must have been an acquired one. As you pretended to listen, he launched right back into his tangent about English beers - you'd found out he was from Northern England when you'd asked about his accent, and somehow he'd managed to come back around to that fact every 10 minutes or so. His voice was like a drone as you stole glances around the pub, feeling the spinning feeling in your head grow subtly with each word he uttered. God, why were you here? Yet another disastrous date with a egocentric male who found personality traits in mugs of shitty beer made by shitty local breweries with shitty hops. Or malt. Who fucking knows?  "My ex and I actually went to this one village, just outside of my hometown-" Oh Jesus, now he was bringing up his ex. Rubbing your fingers up and down your thigh, you continued to feign interest with a strained smile, but every muscle in your body itched to bolt out of this booth and out onto the street before you were too drunk to walk in heels. God, why did he have to be good looking? That 'no sleep/scrawny/scruffy guy' look always did you in. Ben's name flashed across your screen, followed by Joe, and you sighed softly as you locked the phone again, wishing you could reply. Instead, you flipped the phone over and propped your chin up on your hand, staring blearily at the slight, long-haired man who was genuinely convinced you gave a shit about the 500-year old liquor he got to try with his ex that was probably skinnier and prettier than you - and he'd probably bring that up by the end of the night too.  As your stomach rumbled, you slid your free hand to rest on it, regretting that you'd ate so early with Joe and Ben. The chicken had done nothing to tide you over, and the beer was making you crave disgusting things. Images of greasy fries and shitty frozen-patty burgers tantalized you from the back of your mind, and it was all you could do not to sprint down the block to the McDonald's you'd seen on your walk there with Jameson. "I'm going to head to the loo really quick, do you mind? It's all that beer, I swear," he asked, already sliding out of booth by the time you shook your head, sending him off with a warm smile that lasted just a second longer than it took for him to turn around and make his way to the back of the pub. Unlocking your phone, you leaned down to hit your head against the table a few times before pulling up the group chat again, catching up on what you'd missed. The screen was beginning to get a bit blurry, your fingers fumbling as you finally jumped back in. big ben: I don't appreciate being hung out to dry like this Y/N joe-brainer: Ben, come back inside. We can talk through this you: you are both MORONS you: god i fuckin love you guys joe-brainer: Do I spy drunk Y/N? That text was too nice you: idk what's in these beers but it tastes bad and also has fuggggged me up big ben: Uhhhh that's not reassuring. You're buying the drinks for yourself, right? you: asbolutely not you: asbolutey** you: ABSOLUTELY you: not. Joe sent a gif of Jim Lahey from Trailer Park Boys stumbling down the trailer steps, and you replied with a few laughing emojis before locking your phone, putting your head down on the table while a few patrons of the pub looked on in pity. They'd seen your horrid date play out for the last few hours, yet no one seemed to want to step in for the drunk girl who was minutes away from kicking off her heels and taking the subway barefoot if it meant getting away from this self-obsessed, stuffy Brit. Jameson had been throwing you off all night. When you'd found out he was from Northern England, you were excited because you'd picked up a few things about Ben's home country from him over the weeks. But Jameson was different. He wasn't as friendly, for starters. Also, his accent was more aggressive, harsher on the vowels and generally less friendly on the ears than Ben's was. Ben. You missed him. Your mind was all over the place, but those green eyes taunted you from the recesses of your brain, warm and inviting and so clearly not here right now that you felt like crying. Ben would be so nice to see right now - memories of his lush accent lured you even further away from the date at hand, and you couldn't even see a single reason to stay here and be miserable any longer when you had an even better Englishman at your disposal.  So much for arm's-length. "I can't do this anymore," you finally groaned, pulling up the group chat again and hurriedly clicking Joe's name, texting him 'SOS send help' in a sloppy manner before locking the phone again, climbing up out of the booth and throwing a twenty on the table. Maybe you'd text Jameson later, apologize for ghosting, but you doubted you would as you stumbled out of the bar, texting your location with another quick 'S O S send englishman i need back up' as you slumped down on a bench around the corner, unbuckling your heels with trembling hands. If this date were any different from the last few that you'd had, you might have been upset. But the alcohol in your system coupled with the constant disappointment of this city's dating scene numbed you to the horrifying disaster that you'd just went through for the last few hours. Your phone buzzed, but you were so worried that it was Jameson that you silenced the ringer, instead heading  for (see: drunkenly stumbling towards) the McDonald's sign that blazed just down the block. Meanwhile, Ben was in a panic. He'd been in the bathroom when he received two texts from you that he assumed were meant for Joe, a drunken mistake out of context that set off a very loud, persistent alarm in the blond's head. Though, it had to be noted, he did get a chuckle out of 'send englishman.' At least you were talking to Joe about him. "Fuck, pick up, Y/N!" he muttered quietly, calling you again to no avail. He'd been trying to contact you since you'd sent your location - however, you had all but dropped off the face of the Earth, currently enjoying a Big Mac and a large fry in the window seats of the dingy McDonald's somewhere in Manhattan. "God damn it," Ben muttered, your phone going to voicemail once again as a million possibilities whirled through the blond's head. You could be drugged out, kidnapped, killed, anything terrible - all kinds of scenarios spooked the hell out of him as he exited the bathroom, Joe still lounging on the couch. "Has Y/N texted you?" Ben asked, Joe laughing at something Hyde said on the TV before glancing at Ben, raising an eyebrow. From the current look on his face, Ben suspected that he hadn't a single clue, nor was he really worried about whether you were alive or dead right now. "In the group chat, yeah," he replied noncommittally, taking another drink of his beer as he looked back to the TV. "She's probably just listening to him drone on about local beers still. Wonder if he's trying to explain how American Pale Ales are superior." "Uh-huh," Ben replied vaguely, staring off at the opposite wall as he tried to figure out what in the hell his game plan was here. If you hadn't texted Joe, would it have been for a reason? Did he really need to bring Joe into his panic too, or should he handle this by himself? "I'm gonna head out, I think. It's getting late. Let me know if Y/N texts you." "Okay, Mr. Worrywart," Joe teased, giving a smug grin to the TV that only made Ben roll his eyes before he grabbed his keys, heading for the door. "Bye! Don't forget, same time next week! You better not come back a changed man from Fashion Week!" "See ya," Ben replied, but his head was already out the door and in game mode as he let the door swing shut behind him, heading for his car in the parking garage. As he walked there, he called you again, but no dice. Sighing, he resigned to texting you. big ben: Are you okay? I'm on my way The Big Mac was delicious. You smiled happily as you munched away, completely forgetting you'd just spent the last few hours wanting to gouge your eyes or eardrums out, either or. In fact, you forgot so much that you flipped your phone back over, your fear of confrontation with Jameson filtered out of your mind for the time being. Instead, a few missed calls and a text from Ben greeted you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you put down the Big Mac to reply, fingers still typing clumsily with the weight of the alcohol in your system, grease from the burger smearing on the screen a bit. you: why are you on yourway you: oh fuck HAHAHA i meant to text joe. im sorry you: welp awkward but this works anyways you: but what if i cant finish my bif mac in time you: then what :( At your response, a huge weight lifted off Ben's shoulders as he sighed in relief. You were alive, and getting some food in your system, which was already a good sign. Your spelling and execution? Still a bit concerning, so he climbed into his car and requested your location again, which you obliged to almost immediately. In the traffic on the way, he got anxious. What if you were still with the guy? What if he had to step in? Worse, what if things escalated? He didn't want to have to fight someone tonight, especially someone half his size horizontally, but probably double his size vertically. big ben: Where is Jameson? Is he with you? you: nope you: no idea you: are you on your way im tryinf to eat fast big ben: Don't hurt yourself, traffic is crazy lol. Slow down big ben: For fucks sake, please don't scare me like this again either big ben: When you text SOS from a date, I assume you’re getting kidnapped or drugged or something big ben: Since Joe says you really know how to pick em you: ew wtf you: stop acting like my dad you: do you ever text like a reg person?? you: send a gif once in a while its goodfor ur soul Scoffing, Ben just locked his phone and shoved it in the center console, only digging it out again when he'd reached the location you'd provided. Texting you he'd made it, he watched as you nearly fell off your stool trying to dismount. A worried sigh escaped his lips as he glanced behind him to make sure he was clear before getting out of his car, rushing to meet you as you exited the sketchy McDonald's and cheered, reaching out for him and almost falling in the process. He met you just outside the doorway, your arms flinging around his neck in a messy hug, which he gently reciprocated while mouthing 'sorry' to an annoyed passerby who'd nearly met the wrath of your flailing arms. "Oh, Ben, I'm so glad you're here! I finished my Big Mac!" you informed him, smiling widely and pulling back to watch him with hazy eyes. Trying to ignore how painfully close you were to brushing noses with him, he chuckled to himself nervously and pulled out of the hug, carefully wrapping an arm around your waist to help you to the car. "This is the most excited I think anyone's ever been to see me," Ben joked lamely, but you laughed anyways and sent a light tinge of pink seeping onto his cheeks while he smiled.  As you began to walk, you leaned against his side more, rubbing your stomach. "Tummy hurts a little bit from eating so fast." You were almost dead weight against his side, his broad hand gripping your waist tightly and digging into the black fabric that clung to all of your curves. If you weren't deliriously drunk at the moment, he figured he might have enjoyed that brief contact more - but right now, he was just focused on getting you home. Opening the passenger door, he looked on cautiously as you slid your way into the car clumsily, hitting your head in the process and making him flinch. "You okay?" he asked as he walked around the door to reach out for your head, but you just slid down in the seat, giggling and closing your eyes. "How much have you drank? He's got you silly, love." "Ohhhhh, that's a cute nickname. I love that. Love love," you laughed, letting your head loll to the side before opening your eyes again slowly, smiling widely up at him. "Can you call me that more often?" "What, you mean love?" Ben asked, raising an eyebrow as you raised your hand to your head to rub the sore spot where you'd just smashed it against the car. When you nodded and giggled once more, nursing your head, it was all Ben could do not to grin ear to ear. Instead, he forced himself to give you a small smile, then he nodded once. "Of course. D'you mean, like, all the time?" "Yes, yes, all the time," you confirmed happily, letting your eyes close again as the sound of the hazard lights steadily distracted you, the rhythmic clicking drawing your attention away from Ben for a moment. But you couldn't push the sound of him saying 'love' out of your mind, a deep, velvety baritone in that posh accent that made your skin tingle. Although you couldn't tell whether it was the alcohol making you so susceptible or just the fact that he was so damn good all-around, you had your suspicions that it was the latter sneaking up on you. "God, I'm so fucked. Say it again?" Taking a deep breath, Ben tried not to sound too eager as he crouched down on the sidewalk next to you, steadying himself on the car door and clearing his throat. "I hope you aren't gonna make me carry you all the way home, love." Laughing at his mild teasing, you opened your eyes again and had to look around for a moment to find his eyes, your gaze going from the traffic lights down the street, to some strangers passing by, to the McDonald's sign. Finally, you turned your head to meet his gaze, making Ben's heart skip a beat as that same look you'd given him a while ago made a reappearance. It was tender, a soft look in your eyes almost making it look like you were about to cry.  Oh. You were crying. "Oh fucking hell, what's wrong?" Ben cursed, fumbling for some napkins in his glovebox as a tear ran down your face despite the peaceful smile that still barely graced your lips. Finally locating the napkins, he began to wipe at your under-eyes, his free hand coming up to cradle the back of your head gently, offering him better leverage. It pained him to see you so upset, and he wondered why in the hell you were crying so hard until you leaned into his hand and gave a little laugh, then spoke. "I forgot to get a McChicken for Joe. He gets so mad when I go to McDonald's without him! Do you think he'll yell at me?" The smile slowly disappeared, replaced by a worried look that coupled well with more tears. Ben's eyes widened as he tried to keep up with the waterworks, but his attempts at dabbing away your tears were pointless as they kept coming, overwhelming him. "Joe's going to hate me, Ben! What if he takes my reclining chair?" "No, shhh, he's not going to hate you. Hey, hey, I'll go in and get one for him. How does that sound?" You sniffled at his words, nodding slowly as you gazed at him, teary-eyed and messy from the sudden crying. He used his thumb to brush some stray hairs out of your face, then offered you the napkins. "You stay here and listen to whatever station you want and I'll go get the McChicken, okay?" "Okay," you mumbled, your voice pathetically plaintive as you took the napkins from him, trying and failing to wipe at your tears as well. "You're so nice, Ben. You're seriously the best, I owe you. Joe was wrong." "Stay here, okay, love?" Ben repeated, trying not to think about your words too much, and he shut the door with a small wave goodbye, locking the doors on you for extra measure. As he bought a McChicken for Joe, he stole regular glances back towards his car on the side of the road where it was clearly not supposed to be, considering he hadn't paid for the meter, but he managed to get the sandwich and go before the meter maid caught him. As he climbed back in, you greeted him cheerily, a slap in the face after the gloomy mood he'd just left you in. "Ben, you're back! Look!" Showing her phone to you, he was greeted with Joe's smug grin, a smile that told Ben he was caught in the lie - well, not really the lie, but the absence of information. "Hey, bud. Did you get my McChicken?" Pressing his lips into a thin line, Ben held the sandwich up to the camera and Joe made a satisfied noise before shifting a little bit, getting comfortable on his couch. "Perfect. I told Y/N I'd hate her forever if she forgot." "Jesus!" Ben cursed, a bit horrified that Joe would be so mean to you when you were this drunk, but you didn't seem to register that you were being played as you looked between the two men, a dopey grin on your face. It was placating enough for the moment, and Ben gave the phone a clear look of dismay before turning his car on, shutting the hazards off. "Joe, we'll be back in 20. Y/N, you can hang up." "Okay," you replied happily, hanging up the phone as you both heard Joe yell something unintelligible about his sandwich. Looking over at you, you grinned despite having bloodshot eyes from the crying, and Ben gave you a reassuring smile as he stole glances at you, trying desperately to watch the road but not doing very well. "I'm assuming your date went swimmingly?" he asked, one hand resting on the steering wheel while the other laid on the center console. Driving in America was odd, so he found it weird to be looking to his right to see you instead of his left, but you were none the wiser as you giggled at his words, shaking your head. "You would not fucking believe," you started, your head lolling to the left a bit as you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to focus enough to get your story out. "I walk in and I'm like 'Jameson's so cute, but can I call you Jamie?' and this is what he did!" Turning to face Ben, you tried to make your face as neutral as you can before you deadpanned a quick "No." "What a lovely personality," Ben observed, laughing a bit as you pressed a hand to your forehead, amazed at how heated your skin was. "And then I tried to order a drink of my own but he was paying, so he made me get some drink that seriously tasted like straight ass! And then he wouldn't even let me get anything else but beer, and I don't even like beer! And then he talked about his ex!" "Ouch." Ben grimaced a bit at that, sympathizing with you while you rambled on and on about how awful the date was, ending with some complaint about how the beer wasn't even that cold. "Well, at least it's over now, right?"  Nodding, you slumped down in your seat, not really caring that your dress was ridden halfway up your thigh at this point. Out of respect, Ben glued his eyes to the road, but there was a creeping redness to his face that was pretty much indiscernible to your drunk goggles. Higher powers seemed to be testing him the more and more he hung out with you. Why hadn't you matched him on Bumble? What did you mean 'Joe was wrong'? The worries plagued him, making his finger tap nervously on the center console as he drove. "God, men are just garbage sometimes," you sighed out of nowhere, Ben lifting an eyebrow at your sudden woes before turning on his blinker, staring ahead at the red light. "Surely you don't mean that. Joe and I are men." "Joe is hardly a man! He screen peeks during Mario Kart." Snickering, Ben couldn't help but smile at that, fascinated by your measurement of Manliness. "I don't know if you screen peek, though. Do you screen peek? I'll never forgive you if you do." "Thank God I don't screen peek, then," Ben reassured you, chuckling once more as you sighed in relief and turned to look at him fully. This would certainly not be the first or last time, but you once again found yourself drowning in his good looks, the world around him spinning but everything about him clear as day. The way the NYC traffic lights reflected in his eyes, his messy hair that had been shaved at the sides - how hadn't you noticed that earlier, before the alcohol? It made him look broader, more statuesque than he already was, which seemed impossible. But most of all, the amused smile playing at the corner of his plump lips, lips that made you chew on the inside of your cheek as you fought back the desperate need to lean across the center console and- "I like your haircut," you blurted out, distracting yourself from your own thoughts, and Ben smiled even wider, looking in the rear-view mirror before looking over at you. The skin at the corner of his eyes crinkled adorably as he watched you for a brief moment, his smile toothy and endearing and making him look even more attractive than before. Well, that didn't help. "Thank you. I'm still not sure if I like it, but I wanted to get it cut before Paris Fashion Week, since I fly out the day after tomorrow." "Oh," you replied quietly, images of skinny models and beautiful outfits blurring through your mind. Again, a blatant reminder that Ben was on a completely different level than you - while you had to sit and listen to scrawny men lament about getting paid more than you, Ben could easily take a model back to his hotel room in Paris of all places. A pained look crossed your face, and Ben furrowed his eyebrows in question before looking back to the road, chewing on the inside of his cheek in thought. "That's dope." God, why were you being so lame? "Yeah," he replied just as quietly, baffled as to why you'd clammed up all of a sudden. A minute ago, you were a chaotic ball of energy, crying and cheering and laughing all over the place, and now here you were sinking back into the leather of Ben's passenger seat, tugging at the bottom of your dress self-consciously and forcing yourself to stare straight ahead. You looked hurt, and he wondered if he'd said something wrong again. A minute or two passed in painful silence before Ben cleared his throat, deciding to end the awkward moment and offering you a smile as he spoke eagerly. "I like your dress. It's a shame you had to waste it on such a dickhead. Where was he from, anyways?" "Sheffield. Or some place nearby, I don't know," you sighed noncommittally, resting your head back against the seat and closing your eyes as his attempts to banter with you went unnoticed. The world was beginning to tilt a bit, and being upset about someone who wasn't even in the same ballfield as you was not helping to fix it. "Northern England, for sure." "Oh, fuck those Northern bastards," Ben groaned playfully, smiling wider when he saw the faintest of grins playing at your lips. "I swear we're not all self-important pricks. Don't let him paint a bad image of all of us." "I could never," you murmured, reaching up to rub the side of your face as Ben strained to hear your mumblings over the sound of the radio. Before he had a chance to react, you moved on, desperate to keep the conversation going before you felt like curling up into a self-loathing ball of shame. "Going to Fashion Week to see anyone?" "Nah. Just got invited, is all," Ben replied slowly, still clueless to the jealous heat that was rising from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, making your whole body feel like it was alight. Flames licked at your heart, vaguely stinging, and you tried to push away the pain as you focused on his words, trying to choose your own carefully. "Fun, fun," you mused, opening your eyes slowly and glancing over to see he was casting curious looks at you when he was stopped at another red light, about halfway to Joe's at this point. Suddenly, you remembered that you'd forgotten your shoes at the McDonald's, and you burst into laughter as you pressed your hand to your forehead, a couple more tears springing to your eyes. "I'm such a fucking dumbass! Oh, God, why do you and Joe even hang around me?" "Because it's hard to ignore someone who shares a balcony?" Ben answered tentatively, realizing you were crying again a moment too late and cursing before fumbling for the glove box again, trying to get you more napkins. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that! It was just a joke, love, I didn't mean to make you cry. I swear, I'm not as mean as Joe-" "Ben, shut up!" you laughed, snatching another napkin from the glove box before turning towards your door and dabbing at the tears, in between laughing and bawling at your current situation. "God, you're too nice, stop it! You're supposed to be that Ben that Joe told me about, not apologizing every time I go baby!" Pulling down the overhead mirror, you tried in vain to fix your makeup, sniffling between your slurring words. "I forgot my shoes back there." "Oh. What did Joe tell you about me?" Ben asked curiously, pulling up at yet another red light that was just a few blocks from your apartment building. This one seemed to take forever, though, realization weighing on your shoulders as you wished desperately that alcohol didn't make you vocalize every single thought you had. "I hope it was all good?" "I shouldn't have said that," you hiccuped, reaching up to smack your forehead a few times before laughing and burying your face in your hands, your seat belt struggling to hold you back as you leaned forward and went a bit limp, angry with yourself and upset with Ben for being so curious. "Of course it was all good. God, I'm too drunk for this. Drop me off at the curb and I'll make it back upstairs." It was a green light again. Ben pressed on the gas, side-eyeing you a bit and staying quiet for another block before he took a deep breath, shaking his head. "You said it yourself, you're drunk, so there's no way you are going back up there alone. Friends don't let drunk friends go home alone." Your phone began buzzing, sidetracking any response you could have had to Ben officially calling you his 'friend,' and you lifted it to find that Joe was Facetiming once again. Swiping right, you answered, and Joe's face lit up the screen, prompting a genuine smile from you that didn't go unnoticed by Ben, who was now pulling in to the parking garage he'd just left less than an hour ago. "Hi, Joey!" you answered softly, the sentimental look back in your eyes as you rested your head on Ben's window, watching your phone screen blearily. Ben glanced over at you, trying to keep a neutral expression despite the fact that he was once again convinced that you and Joe were even closer than you appeared. These dates - what did they mean? Were they distractions? As much as he wanted to convince himself that it was just that you guys had been living in blindingly close proximity for over two years, he just couldn't shake the feeling that the touchy-feely nature of your relationship was something beyond that. "Ugh, I told you not to call me that! But hi. Are you guys about here? I snuck over to your place and got your hangover cure ready." Joe's phone shifted, then turned to reveal he was in your kitchen next to two glasses of water and four ibuprofen. "Oh my god," you whined softly, slumping in your seat a bit and fighting back more tears as you smiled at the phone, pressing your hand to your forehead again. "You're too nice to me. I could cry right now." "Please don't," Ben begged, making you laugh a bit in embarrassment and close your eyes, hitting your head against the window a few times. "We're in the garage right now. We'll be there in 5 minutes." "Joe, can you pleaseeeee please please go to my closet and get out my fuzzy white bathrobe?" you pleaded, giving your best puppy dog eyes/pout combo that you could in your hazy state. "I'll do anything." Ben finally found a parking spot, and your eyes lit up when you realized you could climb out, completely forgetting all about your shoes that you'd left behind as you managed to unbuckle yourself and stumble out of the car before Ben could make his way over to help you. Cursing under his breath, he locked the door and shoved his keys into his sweatpants as he hurried over to your side, where you were leaned against the back passenger door of the car and rambling on to Joe about how you really needed your bathrobe to be put in the dryer so it was 'like a warm hug' when you got back. "Why can't Ben or I just give you a hug?" Joe groaned, shuffling through your closet before locating the big white piece of fabric and heading for your dryer. Ben reached around you to shut your door for you, putting the McChicken in his other pocket before raising an eyebrow at you and silently questioning whether you were ready to walk alone again. Confidently, you began your trek back to the elevator, but a few steps and you were already swaying again, steadying yourself on the trunk of his car. Damn, this thing looks expensive. These fucking actors. Sighing, Ben quickly caught up and wrapped an arm around your waist, his keys digging into your side as he supported your dead weight once again and led you towards the elevator. "Because I'm upset with the male species right now," you replied, your actions completely betraying your words as you draped an arm across Ben's shoulder and leaned your head on it, sighing melodramatically. "He wouldn't even let me call him Jamie." Ben could see the amusement even in Joe's horribly pixelated face, the WiFi connection understandably horrid out in the garage, but he chalked the amusement up to Joe thoroughly enjoying drunk you. His free hand went out to press the elevator button as a night security guard eyed you both warily from afar, Ben nodding curtly, and you pressed the button again for what you thought was good measure before closing your eyes, humming tiredly. Ben was warm, and the body heat radiating off of him was dangerously comfortable. "That sounds awful," Joe replied faux-sympathetically, though he seemed more like he was having the time of his life witnessing your dependency on Ben despite the fact that you were basically saying all men were trash. Ben's lips pressed into a thin line, silencing any nagging thoughts as he listened to you continue. "I know! And he made me drink beer all night, and kept talking about his ex, and then he made a fat joke!" You continued rambling about everything that had gone wrong that night, disparaging men in your drunken state while simultaneously leaning against Ben's side, your arm draped around his shoulder and fingertips occasionally brushing against his chest. The elevator rose to your floor steadily, a happy noise escaping the back of your throat when the doors finally opened, and you gripped Ben's shoulder tightly to steady yourself as he led you into the hallway, ignoring the sharp dig of your fingernails in his skin. Right now, he just wanted to get you back home before his arm fell off, his hand almost asleep from how hard he had to grip your waist to keep you steady.  When your door opened and Joe appeared, you couldn't contain your excitement, nor could Ben's grip contain you as you propelled forward into Joe's arms, wrapping him up in the tightest hug you'd ever given him. Laughing, he returned the hug as he slid his foot out to hold the door open for Ben, who made his way in with a mildly exhausted look on his face that Joe just barely witnessed. A knowing smile snuck its way onto his lips, and he shut the door as you let go of him, stumbling down the hallway after Ben and making your way to the kitchen.  "Joe, you're seriously the best," you practically moaned from the kitchen as you took the ibuprofen and chugged one of the glasses of water, Ben raising an eyebrow as he turned to look at Joe, who shrugged and grinned. "It's like I'm chopped liver or something," Ben remarked, just loud enough for Joe to hear but quiet enough for it to pass under your radar as you started on the second glass of water, drinking it down like a ravenous beast. Reaching into his pocket, Ben pulled out the sandwich and tossed it to Joe, who cheered in excitement and unwrapped it quickly, biting into the partially-cold chicken and not caring one bit. As he tossed his keys on the counter, Ben took a look around your place, realizing he'd never been there before. It was just a flipped carbon copy of Joe's, all the cozy dimensions the same. The two men made their way into the living room where you were fully out of earshot, and both settled into the couch as they listened to you rummaging around the kitchen. "Well, you kind of still smell like it," Joe offered, talking through his sandwich and not bothering to chew at all before he spoke. "I swear to God, if either of you makes another joke about me smelling bad, I'm going mental," Ben hissed, running his hands back through his hair and wincing at the sharpness of the freshly shaved hairs on the side that pricked at his fingertips. "I'm not your girlfriend's Uber, you know? Why would she text me to come pick her up?" Joe grinned and shrugged, very clearly enjoying how irritated Ben was becoming as he took another bite of the McChicken, vaguely gesturing with the hand it was in as he spoke again. "Not my girlfriend, but whatever. Two, ask her. I'm not your couples therapist, Mr. Fashion Week. I can't ask your girlfriend for you. God, the power of the pussy." "She's- you're one to talk!" Ben sputtered out, reaching over to give Joe's shoulder a mild-mannered smack. "Let yourself in to a bird's apartment and get her hangover cure - which you know by heart - ready, and throw her clothes in the laundry for her, and you want to talk to me about the power? Get out. Just stop dicking around already, mate, it's clear you two have a thing and you're just fucking with me at this point." "Ummmm, I believe I'm just a friendly neighbor. You're the one that risked losing a parking spot in the middle of the city just so you could go pick up a drunk girl  and carry her home."   Ben was gearing up to fire back that he'd never seen two neighbors so close, but at that moment he heard you walking out into the living room, and both of them turned to see you snuggled up in the bathrobe you'd retrieved from the dryer, your dress laying in a heap by the washing machine. "Mmmm, perfect," you hummed to yourself, your eyes just barely visible over the oversized bathrobe that disguised most of your figure. Padding over to the chair adjacent from them, you flopped down it in rather ungracefully and curled up against the armrest, staring at the both of them with a silly grin. "Whatcha talkin' about out here?" "Nothing," Joe calmly lied, taking another bite of his sandwich as he sat back, offering an unassuming smile. "You missed That 70's Show." "I should have stayed and skipped my date," you huffed quietly, pouting as your eyelids fluttered closed and you nuzzled the pillow you currently had tucked underneath you. You were getting sleepy, and Ben could tell that you weren't going to last much longer at this rate. "Jameson was a big, stupid bitch. Why do guys suck?" "Damn, Benny-boy over here drives to pick you up and I get your stuff ready for bed and all guys suck?" Joe questioned, raising an eyebrow and watching as you whined and furrowed your own eyebrows, peeking open your eyes. There it was, the tender look that managed to send Ben's mind into a frenzy once again - he wasn't sure now if it was because he knew crying might come with it, or if you just had that much of an affect on him.  "That's not what I meant, Joe, I'm sorry!" Your eyes were starting to look watery, and Ben sent Joe a panicked look that just prompted a heavy sigh from his friend. Taking the last bite of his sandwich, Joe rose to his feet and brushed the crumbs off of his shorts before ambling over to the chair. His hand wrapped around your wrist and he carefully pulled you to stand as you sniffled and whined quietly, tears  threatening to spill over - Ben observed stiffly as you fully wrapped your arms around Joe's torso, leaning into his grasp as he started to lead you to your bedroom. "Okay, crybaby, you've trashed males enough and made Ben lose his parking spot, I think it's bedtime, yeah?" Joe asked, wrapping an arm lazily around you and maneuvering you around the maze of your living room before glancing over his shoulder to nod at Ben. "I can take it from here. Night, dude. Have fun in Paris!" "Ben, I'm sorry I made you lose your parking spot! I'm such a bitch," you wailed as Joe made futile attempts to shush you, his hand only partially muffling your cries as he led you down the hallway just like a doting boyfriend caring for his drunk girlfriend. "Bye, guys." Raising his hand, Ben waved once, but neither of you saw it as you whined into Joe's hand, gripping onto his shirt tightly while Joe tried to distract you to no avail. Ben was already no longer in the picture, reduced to a background character while Joe took center stage once again. When you disappeared out of sight, Ben took a long, deep breath before rising to his feet as well, stretching and slowly making his way to where he'd sat his keys before exiting. The sound of you wailing from your bedroom accompanied his exit, and he could faintly hear you in the hallway as he pressed the elevator button, shuffling into the cramped space when the doors slid open with a dinging sound.  As the doors closed behind him, Ben turned and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as exhaustion slowly set in. "Fucking hell," he muttered, his voice the only sound in his ears besides the creaking of the elevator shaft, an odd shift from having someone around him almost constantly all night. Though he hated to say it, he almost would have rather been trying to stop you from crying right now - he missed your voice, and Joe's too. The virtual silence was deafening, and a dull ringing sound started to assault his eardrums. The elevator doors slid open, and Ben reemerged to find that the same night security guard from before was watching him curiously, the window to his little shack slid open partially. "She get home okay? Seems like she was quite a handful," the guard remarked, the wrinkles around his face deepening as he punctuated his sentence with a little chuckle. Ben laughed once, nodding as he sifted through his key ring and strolled past the guard's stand, shaking his head. "She's alright. Just had a few too many and needed a babysitter for a little bit." The guard's eyes never left the blond as he passed, his arms folding in front of him as he watched Ben fiddle with his key ring, failing to find the remote to unlock his car. "Must have been hell getting her to settle in. She's lucky she's cute, huh?" That slowed Ben's pace down considerably, and not just because the night guard was out of pocket. He paused in picking his car key out of the key ring, looking up for a moment before nodding and heading to get in his car, his smile faltering just a bit - again, he was reminded that it was Joe up there with you right now, not him.  "Yeah. Very lucky." --- sorry i was such a mess last night, i'm 100% paying for it now! thanks for coming to get me even though i'm a straight up moron. and i didn't forget, i definitely owe you... joe says have fun in paris :) Ben reread the text one more time, unable to smile despite the cutesy emoticon at the end. Even though you'd taken the time to message him personally and thank him with an open-ended IOU, there was Joe's name, popping up at the end like an annoying little fly that just kept reappearing despite his best efforts to swat it away.  "It's not his fault," he mumbled, locking his phone as he went on to his 16th hour of ignoring your text. What would he say anyways? Hey, no sweat, I basically would drop everything to come pick you up from a shitty date. Actually, why don't I just take you on a shitty date and we can skip- "Blanket?" The flight attendant's voice jolted him out of his wallowing, and he gave the clean-cut man an embarrassed smile before nodding his head, accepting the packaged blanket gratefully. Dealing with his problems was going to be a lot easier when he could sleep them away for the next 7 hours, and then promptly drown them in fancy outfits, rich foods, and outlandish cocktails. "Thanks, mate. Definitely going to need it."

---

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(Nice Anon) Thank you for letting me resend this. I'd like a match up for BNHA. I'm a straight redhead girl with blue eyes. I'm ENFP. I am kind, patient, positive, imaginative, and always happy. I am compassionate, like to make other be happy, and be around my friends. If I happen to not be happy, I will typically lie that "I'm fine" so others don't have to worry about me. My love language is physical touch. 1/2 (hopefully second one and this one gets through)

HI SUNSHINE CAN I SAY FIRST OF ALL I LOVE YOU SECOND OF ALL IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG PLEASE I SWEAR I WAS DOING YOURS I Just felt braindead ;-;

Also, you’re very close to my personality, just the softer and more patient version. We’re literally the same person in hobbies :”)))))

Anyway!!! After thinking about for a long time to make sure you have the PERFECT matchup, we’ve got you paired with…

Eijiro Kirishima!

I had to really think about this one because again, I wanted this to be perfect for you. There wasn’t exactly someone who I thought fit you exactly, but Kirishima was VERY close to perfect, and he is such a babie so I hope you don’t mind!!

I think you and Kiri would go well simply because of your lighthearted attitude towards life. You seem like a person who has a very optimistic perspective, so I think that would go well with Kirishima!

However the fact that you also tend to think about deeper topics and have more philosophical thoughts sometimes is also pretty good for Kiri!! I think people just think he’s this guy who wants to do everything manly-like. He does… but he does have times where he’d go like “Y’know… Stars are super pretty, but we’re just watching them die right in front of our eyes. We’re watching a corpse that’s already dead.” And you’ll look at him like “kiri are you oK”

You’re also a soft person! You seem to balance out Kirishima’s energy with a more soft, sleepy aura. He might run ahead and rush into battle, but you’d be able to hold him back and tell him to stop and rationalise the situation better, possibly even finding a weakness in the fortress.

I also think you guys would be super cute lovers!! I think you’d both enjoy sitting down and watching a really cute movie like bambi whilst cuddling on the couch, letting your arms wrap tightly around each other.

Kiri would love it if you wrote a song for him. He’d hECKING CRY if you made one for him on valentine’s day. He’d try and learn guitar from you so he could make songs for you too!!!

Also, a song I listened to whilst writing this date was Japanese Denim. You’ll see why it’s relevant in juuust a moment!!

A date with Kirishima

“Ow…”

After practicing the guitar endlessly, the steel strings were slowly turning the tips of your fingertips hard and stiff. You place the guitar down beside you, massaging the fingertips in attempts to soften them again. Eiji watches you do so, silently gesturing his hand out. You blink before placing your hand in his, letting him caress them gently.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

You cherished the quiet moments you had with him. His dyed hair was albeit damp from his shower still, messy and slightly tangled. You watched him interlock his hands with yours, looking down at them.

“You should take a break.”

“I should?”  

He continues to caress your hands. “Yeah.”

You hum, gripping his hands in yours, causing him to look up. His crimson eyes locked with yours and you had to stop yourself from just staring straight at him. He lets your hands go and picks the guitar up himself, strumming the strings in a random order. You giggle at his attempt to play.

“Here.” You sit beside him, readjusting the guitar in his lap. “Don’t you remember how I showed you last time?”

Placing his left hand on the bridge of the guitar and the right hand just above the hole, you were about to reteach him the notes when he began to play a tune. It was a slow, rhythmic melody, sweetening the air with its sugary mellow notes. It seemed familiar, and you wondered why until you heard a quiet lyric.

“My blue jeans…”

You stare, shocked. Eiji had fallen in love with this song ever since he heard you play it, despite it being such a dawdling sap song when you looked at it. You had never seen him practice it though, or really practice the guitar for that matter. Yet here he sat, perfectly playing the notes like he made it himself.

“Will last me all, my life…”

His voice was almost inaudible, quite like a whisper. He didn’t even really seem to notice that you were watching him, until he raised his head to look at you. He looked at you and he let his eyes wander over your adorable form, legs propped to the side as your plush lips parted, a smallish gap letting your pearly whites shine through. The large white tee-shirt you wore was covering your body in an entirety, making you look pure and somewhat like a marshmallow. He smiled at the sight; you were gorgeous.

The last notes linger in the air, letting its honey warm aura to wash over the both of you.

“Did… you learn from Jirou..?”

Eiji turns a bright red, embarrassed as to how he was found out so quick. “Maybe?-“

This earns him a laugh from you, a twinkly snark that sets his heart ablaze.

“It’s cute. You did really well!”

The words tumble out his mouth before he could really even stop himself. “You’re my Japanese Denim.”

“..What?”

He internally facepalms. “I meant, uhm.. You’re my…”

He cursed himself. This was so unmanly, why couldn’t he just say what it was he trying to say? Why did he have to bumble his words like he was a toddler who just learned the alphabet?

“I get it, don’t worry.”

He glances back up as your lips curve into a tender smile.

“We’ll last like Japanese Denim. That’s what you wanted to say, right?”

Your blue eyes looked so perfect. They shone and sparkled like pretty sea gems, the small crows feet at the sides from when you smiled. He smiled back, planting a small peck on your cheek.

“Yeah.”

Hello! Im just really upset and really need to tell someone that doesn't know me. I'll start by saying exactly 1month ago I was upset about something very similar, I know bc of clue! Im talking to this guy and I really like him. We've been talking a little over a month, I've never been in a relationship before// never really had guy friends except my friends bfs but they never really stuck around. Im almost 21 and I know I'm still young so no need to freakout, last month I cried bc~~1

Bc he called me innocent. Like I'm about to start my period so I'm 89% sure it's to blame but I feel like my innocence is such a turn off it disgust me. I've recently joined bumble and I had like 6 guys or so that I matched with ask to meet but I didn't really want to so I didn't. But with this guy I wanna meet him and im afraid he didn't wanna meet bc it's a very short conversation normally and Im worried bc I enjoy talking to him so much that I've got blinders on ~~2

Like how some people don't see how trashy someone is bc they like them. And If I bring him up to any of my friends they wanna know when we're meeting but we haven't really talked about it and watching all my friends have awful relationships, I tend to think the worst when he doesn't reply for a while :( which then makes me think he doesn't actually like talking to me and I'm really upset and I think my new job(coworkers) have boosted my confidence so much that I think it's okay to want a bf ~~3 

Last one I don't even remember what I've told you but I'm just sad and afraid he doesn't like me

- - - 

Phew, okay love. There’s someone on instagram that I think you should check out, her username is nurberxo. I think her stories and confidence course about dating would be really helpful to you. I know you’re just looking to vent, but if I can offer some insight/advice... if a man gives you any indications that he’s not interested (doesn’t reply to texts, doesn’t make an effort to see you) then he really just isn’t into you. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here, but you should definitely be aware of it.  If anyone wants to see/talk to you, then they will make an effort. Always remember what YOU bring to the table. There are millions and millions of people in the world, don’t settle.  

ZIGGY ✰ STARDUST

i jacked this from @cardinalrot​. thank you dad. tagging: @gothsic​ ; @blossomingbeelzebug​ ; @betelguide​ ; @thatcertainnight​ ; @prophesyed​ ; you, specifically, reading this.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     [ redacted ] * NICKNAME.     ziggy  GENDER.     agender (he/him or they/them) / typically presents as a “man” for simplicity’s sake and also because he doesn’t care enough to think about it for more than 4 seconds HEIGHT.     5′10″ AGE.     26 (earth years) ZODIAC.     ??? (he wasn’t born under our stars ... so .......) SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     any/all (he doesn’t really know them, though, he uses an internal translator)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     bright red, seemingly unnatural -- but it’s natural EYE COLOR.     left pale blue, right black SKIN TONE.     very, very, very pale BODY TYPE.     skinny. very skinny/slender/svelte.  willowy and tall and bony.  good for looking waifish on magazine covers but bad for lifting even vaguely heavy objects. VOICE.     posh, nasally, low, the slightest bit condescending.  speaks with an english accent despite not being english, let alone human.  drawls his vowels and enunciates his letters.  his voice is strangely clear and bright when he sings, unlike his somewhat unpleasant speaking tone, and he tends to sing in higher pitches than his speaking voice. DOMINANT HAND.     ambidextrous -- but he can only play the guitar left handed POSTURE.     very straight and proper, holds his head high and his shoulders square.  uncertain if it’s height alone or if he really is looking down upon you.   SCARS.     small incision in the back of his neck where the translator was placed. barely there and usually covered by a collar or his hair, anyways. TATTOOS.      none BIRTHMARKS.     a large yellow disc on his forehead, rimmed with a slightly darker yellow/bronze with the slightest hint of a chromatic shift affect due to reflecting/light catching pigment in skin cells.  this isn’t unique to him, however, as every member of his race has it. has the tiniest hint of a freckle above his lip, on the left side, and he hates it and wishes he could nuke it off his face.  both of these are usually covered, anyways. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     the circular mark, his unusual eyes, his sharp features, his bright hair. everything about him is weird and outlandish and strange, but it helps him maintain a striking, marketable image.  

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     far away.  HOMETOWN.    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away. SIBLINGS.    [ grabs the steering wheel and veers straight into worldbuilding headcanon territory ] the society he comes from is no longer sexually dimorphic and typically doesn’t reproduce the natural way.  having evolved far beyond such icky things, they use genetic samples from large swaths of the population to make consistent batches of new individuals -- the genetic samples are screened for defects and aberrations and sort of tossed together into a genome salad, and out comes however many individuals they need to fill in gaps in the population.  there’s a lot of consistency in his species due to this: everyone has reddish hair, everyone has heterochromia, everyone is about the same height, etc.  so technically, he’s related to everyone in his “batch.” PARENTS.   he wouldn’t ever know -- a lot of people, probably

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    rockstar -- cultural icon -- celebrity -- musician -- singer -- model -- jerk CURRENT RESIDENCE.    london, LA, NYC, but he’s constantly moving and tours quite often CLOSE FRIENDS.    few and far in between -- he’s friends with his drummer who is named priscilla but usually goes by the stage name WEIRD, as well as siddharth, his bassist, who goes by sid in his personal life but GILLY on stage.  they were the first two humans to encounter him and taught him everything he knows, from how to tie his shoes (aliens wear boots, and you should know this) to the C major scale -- because they are among the few humans who know his secret, he views them as his closest and dearest friends.  his stardom isolates him from them, just a little -- he likes the spotlight but they don’t mind just being “the drummer” and “the bassist.”  they don’t quite have the star power that he does.  his manager  -- tama ahinariki, some guy from new zealand who seemed to bumble his way into becoming in charge of one of the most successful musicians of the decade -- also knows he’s an alien, but they tend to be more business partners than close friends.  tama is more interested in the money side of things whereas priscilla and sid are only interested in the music.  ziggy has stock in the music, money, and his personal brand.  

via rp, he’s made some friends with other characters! a few. very few.  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    single -- he intends to stay that way.  he gets all the action he could ever need from his legion of devoted fans and groupies.  even in situations where he’s romantically involved and emotionally invested, he would never consider himself exclusive or monogamous.   a lot of tabloids make rumors that he’s involved with cardinal copia, fellow rock icon, but he tends to be sneaky at hiding any time they spent together.  it’s hard to keep things private when you’re both massively popular public figures, though. he goes out of his way to be sure no one knows about his predilection for spending time with thomas, because the last thing an awkward alien in disguise needs is a lot of public attention because people think you’re dating a celebrity (who they don’t know is also an alien). he hangs around annie a lot, too, but this is extra extra under wraps, because annie has a stalker named jonathan who may or may not go apeshit and try to tear his head off or something if he finds out.   FINANCIAL STATUS.    filthy rich. should be guillotined.   DRIVER’S LICENSE.    doesn’t have one. he has some paperwork, somewhere, with a “real” name and all that, but he has no idea where it is and lets his manager deal with that stuff. CRIMINAL RECORD.    none ! clean slate.  that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do illegal things, though.  he just doesn’t get caught.   VICES.    smoking, drinking, la cocaina, sex, impulsive spendng, rockstar stuff.  

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   bisexual. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  | top |  bottom | verse. this doesn’t really come up in rp because i dont write nsfw. the way i view it is that he’s lazy and would rather you take care of him than the other way around LIBIDO.    pretty high, but it’s difficult for him to have as much sex as he might prefer because, uh, he has, uh, alien..............parts...........and stuff ..... like ....... some parts down there look different ....... so he’s stuck having sex with usually in the dark, under sheets, and he has to zip his pants up really quick afterwards. maybe it’s a little bit hilarious and i just think it’s funny idk LOVE LANGUAGE.    selflessness (which is big, for him, king of all douchebags and lord selfish dickhead the third), rambling to you about his day, physical affection, gifts, letting you see him without make up, opening up to you about his life before earth.  he might play you music, sing to you or write you songs if he’s feeling particularly sappy.  this is stuff reserved for people that he finds himself incredibly romantically/emotionally attached to, though, not the people he has one night stands with.  and he almost never forms any sort of lasting attachment to the people he sleeps with casually. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    he tends to fall for people who challenge him in some way, who aren’t easily beguiled by his status and physical looks, but who aren’t outright mean to him.  that being said, he is very vain, and he loves being showered in compliments, praise or attention.  he matches well with people who can put up with his antics and moodiness and odd behavior.  he likes the idea of being someone’s muse or someone’s idol, so he finds himself drawn to other creative types.  he has the most intimate/special connections with other nonhuman beings, especially other aliens, cuz he feels like they Get him and he wouldn’t be really giving himself in his fullest form if he had to still play pretend that he was a human being.  for whatever reason he goes apeshit for goth guys/dudes with black hair who wear a lot of black.  he really doesn’t like people who are too much like him, because HE’S HIM, and you’re YOU, and he really wants it to stay that way.  GET OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   there’s a whole album about him .......... theres a song called “ziggy stardust” .......  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    singing, music, writing -- he lives for that shid.  he likes art in all forms, so he reads, watches movies, looks at paintings -- he has a lot of human culture to catch up on, and he loves all of it, from any time period and any culture.  he also likes buying things, shopping, looking nice, gossip.  he tends to be a party animal (party alien?) and often indulges in more hedonistic fun. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    his brain is not structured like a human brain. also, head empty.  no thoughts. FEARS.    being perceived as ugly or untalented, being outed as an alien, being rejected for being an alien, becoming a nobody, losing his social status, becoming a conformist, becoming “outdated” or “uncool” SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    somehow sky high and on the floor at the same time. he usually thinks he can do anything and he’s pretty perfect, but that may just be from a solid few years of repeating that to himself and empty praise given by people who are just crazy obsessed with him -- he built his confidence level on a very shaky foundation, so it’s easy to start making him doubt himself and panic if you know what to criticize him on VULNERABILITIES.    a lot of things, and im sick of typing

* pay me 100000 USD to unlock my LEVEL 20 ZIGGY STARDUST LORE pack now with NAMING/TITLE INFORMATION, HOME PLANET CLIMATE/WEATHER PATTERNS and PAST OCCUPATION/EDUCATION information.  includes a piece of gum i found on the floor.

Y’all I’m also thinking about re downloading bumble or hinge 😩 bc I like to talk before having to meet where boys are like “hi we just matched, see you at the pub in 10?”.... hoping this whole quarantine situation will mean I can actually get to know someone before it lifts and we can meet looooool am I crazy?

THAT WAS MY LOGIC LMAO I’m like “well no one is gonna pressure me into hanging out and doing shit right now so I may as well” fa;lfda;lkfjjadflkj I do this every few months and then I keep the app for like a week before I’m like “this is stupid im never doing this again”

☕ . ˚ ◝  (  kim yerim. cis female. she/her. ) bohee park is a twenty year old taurus. the tennis player’s go-to order is an iced chai latte with almond milk and a cinnamon raisin bagel. they like to listen to dreams by the cranberries while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are indolent but swear they’re totally generous as well. maybe that’s why falling in love with strangers, scuffs on knees and elbows, and laying in bed until two remind me of them.

hi there !! i'm bee ( . . . as in bumble -- what a bad joke JNNVMBNC ), and wow, i’m so, so, so excited to be here! this here is the light of my life bohee. the long + short with her is that she has two modes: going, going, going or nothing at all. she means well but she’s notorious for being unreliable. there’s some more info about my little blossom under the cut, and be sure to tap the heart and i’ll come to you. 💖❤️💕

                                          BASICS. 💕

birth name : bohee  park

nicknames : "  blossom,  "  or  "  bo.  "

birthday : may  14th  ,  1999

gender : cis-gender female

zodiac sign : taurus

hometown : anaheim  ,  california  ,  united  states

current residence : downtown    los    angeles  ,  california  ,  united  states

family : edward  park (  father  /  sanitation  worker  )  ,  park  (  mother  /  middle  school  english  teacher  )  ,  two  older  siblings  +  two  younger  siblings.

sexual orientation : pansexual    /    panromantic.

positive traits : generous     ,     polite     ,     adoring     ,     intuitive     ,     &     golden-hearted.

negative traits : headstrong     ,     deceitful     ,     crass     ,     lackadaisical     ,       &     slow-moving.

                                          ETC. INFO. 💕

born the middle child of five ( two sisters + two brothers, ) bohee’s family was full of talented people. music constantly echoed throughout the park house, while paints and pencils were scattered everywhere. from a young age, bohee knew her siblings were special, but their excellence only emphasized her . . . well, lack thereof.

her eldest sister was a beautiful painter, while her eldest brother had written three plays before the age of nineteen. the younger twins were an incredible violinist and a genius, respectively. bohee had no clue where she fit in; growing up in the park house of wonders was incredibly lonely when you’re the only one who’s not wonderful.

bohee’s jealous nature wouldn’t allow her to sit idly by and watch her siblings get all of the spotlight. she wasn’t going to mope around and wait for her calling to call out to her; she was going to find it.

and it was rough. art was never her forte. she couldn’t carry a tune and it was often hard for her to perfect stick figures. it seemed like she would never find her talent. maybe her parents lied, maybe some people simply aren’t good at anything. bohee was so ready to throw in the towel and accept her inadequate fate. 

. . . that was until she stepped foot on the tennis court. finding tennis was simply a fluke. a friend at the time wanted to join the team but couldn’t muster up the courage to go by herself. bohee didn’t really care much, so she offered to tag along but the moment the coach put a racket in her hands, everything clicked into place.

( long story short ) she’s a semi-professional tennis player who tends to stop at the deja brew before ( and, don’t tell her coach or her trainer ) or after practice. the fact that she could probably down a gallon of iced chai isn’t something that she should be proud of, but it’s not her fault the baristas are so dang good at their job.

bohee might look cute on the outside, but if you catch her on the right day, she’s quite the contender. yes, she likes to laugh and joke around, but certain things aren’t laughing matters. for bohee, tennis is one of them.

another thing that’s not a laughing matter is music. unfortunately for her ( and everyone around her ) she never grew out of that thirteen-year-old phase where she thought that liking old music was a personality trait. half of her paychecks go to the local record shop, where everyone knows her by name.

can and often does put the ‘b’ in bitchy. she’s a taurus, so you KNOW she’s stubborn. she’s also prone to tunnel vision, so to anyone who gets in the way of what she wants ( and she’s not picky; it can be anything like a win at a match to a specific cart at the grocery store ) i have this to say: good luck. i’m sorry, but good luck.

bohee is loyal to a fault. she’s quite standoffish at first, but when she decides that someone is up to her ( well, not so ) high standards, she would go to the end of the world and back again for them.

she’s The Worst though because she’ll get into moods ( especially during the off-season ) where all she does is sit in bed and play her old kirby video games all the way through. if anyone tries to come and get her out of the house, they’ll have to face her wrath.

she’s also got a hint of a god complex HAHA. to her? she manages to both be the coolest person ever and the worst . . . all at the same time.

will hype anyone up tho! she’s a one-woman hype group. she’s the friend who comments all the heart and star emojis on someone’s instagram post, and she’s the first one to call you on your birthday uwu

. . . pls love her. sure she’s the world’s smallest dweeb and can be a brat BUT she means well !!!

                                         POSSIBLE PLOTS. 💕 

i’ve got a real plots page here!! stuff will be added soon.

uhuhuh PLEASE give her like a tight-knit friend group!!!! they send stale memes, clown each other and sing along to old songs in the car.

someone who gets under her skin TOO much. no matter how hard bohee tries to ignore this person, she really can’t and she is always drawn back to them.

best friend! ride or die best friend! regardless of if they’ve known each other for a few years or their whole lives, they’re each other’s go-to person. breakup? hang out and talk about it. job promotion? hang out and talk about it. any minor inconvenience? hang out and talk about it.

OOOOH maybe your muse wants to take up tennis as a hobby / for giggles and bohee’s their impromptu instructor ( she’s trying to make that $$$$. )

exes? friends? one-night-stands? enemies? people who she smiles to when she sees them at the cafe? yes, yes, yes, please!

if you have read all this . . . thank u so much !!! i should be around on tumblr im for the rest of the night, but if not then my discord is clown college valedictorian #8254 :~)

Weird Cutie

I had a date with a guy on Bumble we'll call him weird cutie. His pictures weren't very great but I could tell he was cute. We matched and spoke for a few days then decided we would move to texting. He was very weird but good weird so I agreed to meet him the following week. I arrived at Jacks and he was late, I sat for 10mins only to see him coming towards mw. As I was getting ready to leave, he was taller than I thought and had glasses. He was also a little chubby in his belly but had long black hair pulled into a bun. He smiled and joked "are you leaving me, you look so cute". I smiled and shrugged "well you're kinda late so....." "I am but I texted you and I'm here now", he reached down and hugged me then spun me around looking me up and down in my blue dress. I smirked but sat down in the booth. We ordered drinks and food he was more so interesting than I thought he would be, and he was cute. He liked me I could tell by how he moved closer to me in the booth and put his hand on my thigh,reached down and started rubbing my bare legs. I moved his hand and apologized, "I wasnt sure if I would like you so I skipped shaving my legs but in my defense I didnt think you'd be touch me so intimately on the first date either, sorry but theres levels" he removed his hand and asked am I at the level to earn me a kiss, I smiled shyly, he leaned in and I felt my body getting hot, he moved his hand back to my thigh and started rubbing it closer and closer to my center. Before I could blink his lips were on mind and his eyes were closed. This was so weird. Why was this so weird to me..... If been with a guy before but this feel in was so weird. I closed my eyes nd played the instructions in my head on how to kiss(I was a late bloomer and my best friend taught me how to kiss). He started moving when my tongue met his so I broke the kiss worried someone would think our pda was inappropriate. If never displayed such pda openly before, is only normally do it in the comfort of my home because that where it seem like guys was most comfortable but he was different, weird. He smiled at me and the butterflys started, our date lasted 3hrs and when it was time to leave he asked should he follow me home but I reminded him there was levels. His birthday was next week. He invited me to his house to hangout because he didn't consider his birthday a big deal, so we agreed to meet next week. This was Monday. Next week arrived but more specifically his birthday;Tuesday. I had a long day of work and hadn't heard from him so around 1pm I texted him happy birthday. He responded by asking if I would see him, I told him I'd see. By 5:30I had a massive headache and was tired for the day I felt like locking myself in my room and making love to my bed in the form of Zzz. But I had to deposit some money into the bank for a bill to be paid so I told him to text me his address and I'd see him soon. He was in the middle of moving, I had on another dress this one mustard yellow, it looked amazing on my milk chocolate brown skin. He came to the door and looked different, he was cuter than last time and wasnt wearinf his glasses, I was shocked and aroused. I sat on a lazyboy and he sat on the couch, like most millenials he didnt have cable to cut cost on unnecessary bills but he had an xbox and internet. We watched live boxing through it and he started the typical male ploy "why are you sitting all the way over there by yourself, come sit next to me" I thought this way of asking for attention was always cute. I got up and sat beside him "is this close enough for you", he smirked and hugged me while,sniffing me "you smell so good". 😊thank you. His hands roamed my thighs again while he pulled my face into a kiss, he leaned his body back and pulled me on top of him while sliding my dress up over my ass. He smacked it,I pulled myself away he leaned up and grabbed my breast, having his hands touch and caress my body felt so amazing. I couldn't believe it had been 6 years since I had sex but here I was. He lifted my dress over my nd slid his hands under my bra,pinching my nipples, my mind was lost everything was happening so quickly yet it felt like it was all in slow motion. His eyes seemed so dark and focused, one hand pulled me by the waist closer to him. His eyes watched my as he opened his mouth and slid it over my right nipple. He bit down gently and it made my whole body shutter, I moaned and closed my eyes he removed his mouth instantly and pulled my face back,into a deep passionate kiss. My hips started rocking on his lap while his hand massaged my breast. I was feeling hot all over my body again and my panties started to feel like I peed myself. I tried to pull away but he held me close, his hands, his mouth it all was driving me crazy. But the levels I need to remind myself that the ultimate goal was to have him. I made up my mind I wanted him this weird guy I wanted him to be mine. So I snatched myself away and hop off him, "I need to use the bathroom", he looked lost. "Okay..... Its down the stairs to the left." I pulled my dress back down and went to the bathroom, I tried to compose myself and dry myself. I needed to make sure he didnt think I was easy. He got myself to together and went back up the stairs than sat on the couch, this time towards the opposite end. He smirked at me "would you like a drink?".... I smiled "no thank you", "ok well I'm going to make me one" , he went into the kitchen and made himself a drink than came back. He watched me, I stared at the boxing match screaming in my mind to him "come touch me with your soft warm hands again, come put your lips on mine and all over my body." I felt desperate but I didnt show it. I put my feet on the couch, he pulled them towards him and on his lap, he started rubbing them. "So what did you get me for my birthday?" I laughed "my prensence, surprise happy birthday.......just kidding what do you want?" He looked at me and smirked " you said there was levels right, what level does my birthday fall under?" ...... "Idk tell me exactly what you want and ill see if I can make it happen" He looked down at his lap than to me signaling but if he was going to have the balls to ask for what I thought he was asking he was going to have to say it."I'm sorry are you trying to tell me something, what do you want and use your words please."...... He looked nervous "well........ A bj would be nice right now", I laughed and pretended to look shocked for a sec. He smiled, I got off the catch walked to him. We didnt break contact, I got on my knees infront of him still keeping eye contact and asked "are you sure this is what you want for your birthday?" He seemed nervous but whispered "yes". I unbuttoned his pants, zipped down the zipper and reached into his boxers. He looked amazed it was happening, I licked my lips and leabed down I could hear his breath getting heavier before I put my mouth on it. I looked down at it, it was uncircumcised, exactly how I liked it. I licked the tip, his body twitched, he moaned. I put my mouth on the tip and sucked it slowly,swirling my tongue around it. He moaned "fuck" I smirked and looked up at him. He looked vulnerable and shy, I slid my mouth all the way down and opened my mouth wider while remembering to breath through my nose like how this porn star taught me from a video I use to watch repeatedly in college. His hands covered the back of my head and I felt his thrusting deeper in my mouth while moaning "fuck, its so good. God im going to cum", it hasn't seem like a min but as soon as he said "I'm going to cum". I pulled my mouth off his dick. He whimpered "no" but I started jacking him off instantly and he came all over my hand and his stomach. I laughed, he was breathing heavy and covered his face it turned slightly pink. I smirked and asked "are you good sir?" He smiled, "yeah". He got up and went around the corner to the kitchen, I peaked around the corner and watched him clean his self off and come back with a paper towel, he wiped my hand and kissed me. He threw away the paper towel and we sat back on the couch. He laid in between my legs and would,kiss them often while rubbing them. This feeling again was weird. I grabbed my,phone and looked at time it was 9:23pm. Time to go home, I told him to get up I was leaving I was tired he said "you can go to sleep in my bed. He got up and ushered me back down the stairs, the door next to the bathroom was his room. It was filled with Buddha,alcohol bottles, a bike,books and Japanese art on the wall. I wondered if he was Japanese mixed with something, he was racially ambiguous, my thought was lost when he laid on the bed grbbing my hand to pull me on to it too. He held me by the waist and pulled my lips to his again this time sliding his hand down in between my thighs again, he moved my panties to the side and slid a finger in side I broke the kiss to moan I felt my body arch up, he bit at my nipples through my dress as his fingering became more rigorous, I was getting wetter but also nervous. I pulled his hand from,between my thighs and asked him to stop. He pulled away from me "did I do something wrong?" He looked confused. "No, its not that." I got up from the bed. I was nervous I didnt want to say but he was only guy 4 I'd ever been with I was very shy about sex with partners and tried to figure it out for years since having it but I was most embarrassed about squirting. I looked down while embarrassingly confessing "I don't want to,ruin your bed because I squirt" his face looked blank like he was trying to,process how to react. He got off the bed and hugged. This was weird. He held me, I pulled away and walked towards the door, he grabbed me from,behind and held me." Its ok, thats normal" I felt stupid I wanted to go but he started kissing my neck and his hands pulled up my dress making their way to my breast. I could feel wetness sliding down my legs, he squeezed my breast as one hand slid down my panties from behind and his finger back into my wet pussy I he held my body so tight to his and bend me over towards the bed while fingering me again my body felt like it was shaking while I moaned louder and louder I could hear him starting to moan too. My body felt so hot I felt like my stomach was on fire then, it sound like some let air out a waterbed and my body went numb. I was squirting all over his floor and grubbing his sheets so hard. He slid my panties down and and undid his pants pulling his boxers down faster then any thing I've seen. He slid the tip of his dick inside me, it made my body jump. He moaned "fuck". He held my waist and slid some more in, he was teasing me my body was going crazy "ugh its so wet", my body was shuttering again. He pulled out my breathing was heavy. He held my waist and slid his dick all the way inside me and I felt like I was cumming,instantly. He reached up and grabbed my breast while thrusting and moaning "fuck its so tight", he stopped." I dont want to come yet." I asked in between deep breaths " do you have any condoms?" I looked back at him. He pulled out of me, "no......but ill pull out" he sound half way assuring. I quickly pulled my panties up and slid my dress down. "No thank you, im leaving" the thought of a std or pregnancy gave my mind instant sobriety. I quckly exit the room. He stumbled to pull up his boxers and pants. "Wait" called but I was already back up stairs grabbing my keys and shoes. He caught me at the from door "you dont have to,leave", he begged. "Its late, I have to work in the morning and cant be late for work" he looked disappointed but kiss me on the forehead and on the lips. "Ok ill walk you to your car. He follwed me outside to my car, he held my hand walking me my car. This experience felt so weird. He kissed me again before I got in the car. Then went back inside. I screamed in my mind "ughhhhh I wanted to fuck him,without seeming like a hoe,easy or a slur. Damn double standards for dating. Fuck fuck fuck" I started the car. Put it in drive and drove home. Part1

i want to start app dating in the new city i live in. any tips for how to snag a quality dude? i’ve only been on two app dates and they were very tragic

Girlieeee if I knew I’d be booed up rn!!! I’ve given up on tinder for this year (hopefully forever) and deleted my profile, tried hinge and deleted that too, and now I’m on bumble. Im gonna delete that one after this two week free trial they gave me. I thought it would make it easier bc I can see who already matched with me, but hahahahhh nope! Still confusing.

I only know the typical tips (that I struggle to follow 🙃)

Like, be clear about what you want in your bio, and don’t be afraid to confirm that with the person you match with. Bios hold a lot of info. I personally will never match with someone with an empty or one word bio, shows a lack of effort. Have your hard limits and don’t move them for anyone. Have a good, short first date that has potential for more but can be ended if the date sucks. Have courage to put yourself out there but recognize when the effort is uneven and be prepared to end it. Mostly, and the thing I’m working on rn, is that you have to put yourself out there. Bad dates make good stories and if anything, help you decide what you don’t want from the next one. Good luck and keep me updated!! My free trial lasts til the 22nd so I’m trying to meet someone off bumble before then and I’ll def write about it

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falling for you (reddie)

summary: the winter formal is coming around, and everyone is scrambling to find dates. eddie is hoping that maybe the signs richie’s been giving him means that richie will ask him, but is disappointed when he learns that richie has accepted another date.

pairing: reddie

word count: 2.9k

warnings: none

a/n: this is my first reddie writing and one shot (it’s fuckin’ long im sorry, i probs should’ve broke it up in parts), so i hope it’s not too horrible. i haven’t read the book yet, only seen the movie/tv series, so i don’t know all of the nuances yet! i’ll do my best <3 feedback and comments/likes are appreciated and welcomed! oh also. the losers are around 16/17, taking place in modern times. some things might be different but i hope you welcome it

OH. song of the one shot is fallingforyou by the 1975. i listened to it while writing so maybe i’ll get you in the right mood

“gaaaay!” the losers looked over towards the end of their cafeteria table, not one of them surprised to see the person behind the call was none other than richie tozier.

despite richie being the only one to not have the same lunch period as them, he still managed to get out of history to come and bother the gang.

“beep. beep. richie.” stan pronounced each word with a hard pause, a slight glare finding his features as he gripped his boyfriend, bill’s, hand tighter.

“i’m just joking around. don’t get your damn panties in a twist, staniel..” the trashmouth grinned, taking a seat in the spot that he normally sat in - right next to eddie. “besides, everyone knows i ship stenbrough so hard.” a lanky arm was tossed around eddie’s shoulders, one which he shrugged off just as quickly in protest of his behavior.

everyone was used to richie’s antics, and ignored them for the most part. though, that hardly ever stopped tozier from continuing them. “mike, have you found a date to the winter formal yet?” beverly questioned across the table, leaning into ben’s side as his eyes glossed over homework reading instead of focusing on the lunch in front of him.

ahh. winter formal. in a small town like derry, maine, a school dance was something highly anticipated. buzz generally began weeks before.

“i’m stuck between rosie and taylor. you guys think they’d be down for a threeway date?”

as it was now, bill and stan, and ben and bev were supppsed to be attending the dance as couples, respectively. the only three without dates was richie, eddie, and mike.

the dance was only a week out, and eddie found himself shifting uncomfortably at the talk of the dance. he wasn’t sure that he would attend, but a huge part of him was hoping that he would be forced to go if a certain someone asked him to be their date.

“sure they would! who wouldn’t want some mclovin from you, mike? be careful, though. having two love interests can get preeeetty messy. eds and his mom would know.”

a frown crossed eddie’s face as he shoved richie’s shoulder gently. “beep beep richie! and don’t call me that! y’know i hate it when you call me that.” the frown on eddie’s face didn’t quite match the now hammering of his heart after registering that richie had identified him as a love interest. maybe eddie was reading too much into his joking. maybe richie’s increased flirting and touches was just him trying to be more annoying than usual.

“are you and eddie p-planning on g-g-going to the dance?” bill questioned, shooting a knowing look in both richie and eddie’s direction, causing eddie’s cheeks to lightly flush a pink while averting his gaze down onto his untouched food.

richie turned his attention on eddie, a small smile finding his lips as he stared at the pretty, small, teenage boy. it had taken him a few days to decide whether he wanted to go big with his formal date invitation to eddie or not.

it would have been his first time asking eddie out.

in the end, he decided that smaller was better. eddie wasn’t one to desire the attention of everyone in the school, even though it was like first nature for richie to do everything big and loudly. in the end, eddie’s comfort with the situation was all that mattered to him - that, and if his friend said no, it would be a quiet rejection that wouldn’t embarrass him in front of everyone.

“yeah, big bill. i totally plan on it. while it’s tempting to try and outdo your big poster you made for stan, i have taste, bill.” richie took in a deep breath; it was now or never, wasn’t it?

what had eddie’s eyes snapping up from his food was hearing richie start up with an “eddie, will you–”, which caused his heart to start thumping hard in his chest once again. was he finally gonna get the invitation he had been hoping for? except, it never came.

instead, richie cut off when he was tapped on the shoulder, seeing popular and pretty girl priscilla white standing there, looking as if she was going to break at any second. “hey richie, think i could talk to you for a second?”

—

the days swept by fast, and before anyone could blink, it was saturday night. the night of the dance.

“eddie, make sure to stay out of trouble! no drinking, and no drugs! call me as soon as you’re on your way home so that i can know that you’re safe.”

eddie adjusted the bow of his tie and got out a dejected “alright, ma”, before he walked out to get into bill’s car, squeezing into the back seat with beverly and ben.

he almost wasn’t going to go. why would he want to go to the dance when he was the only loser without a date? the only reason he was going was because bill had somehow convinced him. now he sat in the backseat of the car, feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel.

it wasn’t long before they’d reached their high school, and were making their way to the winter-themed gymnasium. almost as soon as they walked inside, eddie felt himself wanting to turn back.

it was jammed packed with the moving bodies of his fellow peers, and the music was unbelievably loud. quickly, he checked into his pocket to make sure his inhaler was there. while he didn’t use it as often anymore after finding out about his asthma being psychosomatic, he still felt the need to have it just in case.

“mike! richie!” eddie made a point of holding onto beverly’s wrist as they pushed through the crowds to get to the tables, his eyes finally adjusting to the flashing lights and landing on the missing two of the seven. mike sat with two girls on either arm, and richie sat next to priscilla, the lanky arm that usually sat on his shoulder sitting on priscilla’s. eddie felt like he would throw up any second.

richie’s leg bounced nervously up and down as he awkwardly sat next to priscilla, counting down the seconds when the rest of their friends would show up. it wasn’t until he heard his name that he looked up, seeing that their crew had made it.

automatically, his eyes searched for the familiar curls and brown eyes of eddie, feeling frozen when he finally found him. he was wearing a pink tux shirt and a pair of black dress pants that were a bit too long, but still - he looked fucking amazing.

“eddie.” richie spoke up slowly, waiting to get his attention. “you look…” before he could finish, eddie was walking past him and sitting as far away as he could possibly get. ouch. was eddie upset with him?

before he could ask, he felt priscilla squeezing his arm gently, leaning in to talk in his ear. “now’s a good time to dance.” he heard her whisper urgently, and before he could protest, she was grabbing his wrist tightly and dragging him towards the dance floor.

of course, she’d want to dance on a slow song. he did not want to deal with priscilla right now. he wanted to go back over and talk to his best friend. but he didn’t have a chance to once she wrapped her arms around his neck, urging him to dance with him.

hesitantly, richie placed his hands on her hips, hoping not to get too intimate with her as they swayed back and forth. however, priscilla seemed to have other plans. he would have tried to pull back if he had known it was coming, but he wasn’t as quick as he thought he was; out of nowhere, priscilla was kissing him on the lips.

his eyes widened in surprised, and by the time he’d gotten his wits about it, he was pushing her away. ”what the hell are you doing?! i thought we agreed!” he complained in a loud whisper, his gaze turning towards the table just in time to see eddie bolting away and running out the doors. “fuck. i gotta go.”

“wait, richie, don’t–”

he didn’t wait to hear what she had to say. instead, he found himself chasing after eddie. by the time he got outside, he saw the familiar ford pulling out of the parking lot and driving off. “fuck, fuck, fuck. think, trashmouth. where would he go?” after a few moments of bumbling, panicky thinking, richie finally realized exactly where eddie went.

—

so maybe it wasn’t so bright for him to take bill’s keys from beverly’s purse without permission, but eddie just needed to get out of there. after seeing richie and priscilla kiss out on the dance floor, he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

he just kept wondering what he had done to deserve that sort of heartbreak twice in a row.

while any other night he would have never ventured out into the woods by himself, tonight was different. he couldn’t go home because his mom would ask a billion questions and probably assume the worse - so, he went to the next best thing. his and richie’s treehouse.

they had stumbled upon the abandoned structure one day while exploring together, and had made it their own. in all honesty, eddie loved to be there more than he liked to be home.

once making it inside of the familiar structure and turning on the lights, eddie sent out a text to bill to assure him that he would bring the car back before the dance was over - he just needed to get away, breathe, and quietly cry to himself.

as if to torture himself more, eddie put on a playlist that richie had made of some of his favorite song, laying on the makeshift bed and allowing the tears to drip from his cheek and nose and onto the sheets below him.

not even fifteen minutes into his self pitying party did he hear loud snaps and cracks from the latter below, causing him to shoot up into a sitting position with widened eyes as chills of fear ran up and down his spine. eddie could remember feeling this fear only once, though he couldn’t quite pin why he had been this scared before. he looked around for any weapon he could use, and just as he was getting ready to accept his fate, a head of dark curls appeared in the opening.

never had he thought he’d be so relieved to see richie.

“holy shit, richie. you scared the fuck out of me.” eddie berated, taking in shallow breaths before reaching for his inhaler and using it as richie awkwardly pushed himself inside. “what’re you doing here? i thought you were having a great time making out with priscilla white.” he got out bitterly.

“sorry… fuck… i’m so winded, give me a second, eds…”

“what? did you run all the way here or something?” eddie quickly reached up, attempting to get rid of the evidence of tear streaks on his cheeks and nose. he was so startled by the idea of richie seeing him crying that he didn’t even scold him for ‘eds’.

however, once richie was able to sit up straight, he could see the redness of eddie’s eyes and the tip of his nose. his heart twisted violently in his chest at the sight of this, feeling even more like shit.

“eddie, please. just let me explain.”

eddie watched as richie sat up, his face red from exertion and glasses fogged with heat. the boy really needed to stop smoking those cigarettes. however, his eyes couldn’t help but take in the freckles dotting his nose, those chapped, but somehow still tempting lips, and the black suit that seemed somewhat baggy on his gangly frame. it was hard to focus on the bagginess when a person got a hit of his hawaiian themed tux shirt, however.

“what is there to explain, richie? there’s nothing to say. i don’t understand why you ditched your date to come here.”

“i saw you run… just listen, alright? priscilla.. she doesn’t mean anything to me–”

“oh yeah, likely story, richie. you took her to the dance, and gave her a nice, big one. i really believe she means nothing to you.” richie sighed softly, moving closer to eddie. it surprised him that he could faintly here sweater weather in the background, but he couldn’t focus on that right now.

“okay, first of all, i didn’t kiss her. she kissed me.” he nearly facepalmed himself after saying that, but he rushed to continue on before eddie could try and retort. “second of all, you never let me tell you why i took priscilla to the dance. the reason i took her was because… okay. when she pulled me aside that day at lunch, she started… crying….”

it was stupid, yes, but richie didn’t know how to handle seeing someone else cry, especially when it came to the female population and people he cared about. it tugged at some sort of strings in his heart he hadn’t been aware existed.

“and she started complaining that that wanker of an ex boyfriend, bradley tether-” richie visibly rolled his eyes. if another henry bowers existed at their school, it would definitely be bradley. “would be taking someone else and she wanted to make him jealous. and you know how that dickhead feels about me. so being the chivalrous guy that i am, i wanted to help her get revenge…”

eddie stared at richie blankly, trying to process what the other male was saying. as ridiculous as it all sounded, was it true? was it really just a ploy to make someone jealous, rather than richie preferring to go to the dance with priscilla?

“but eddie… i didn’t want to go to the dance with her. i wanted to go with you. i was gonna ask you before priscilla interrupted.” richie finally said outloud, chewing on his lower lip in nervousness at this admission. this was his first time admitting his feelings for eddie outloud to eddie.

all eddie could do was blink in shock after hearing that, the hammering in his chest returning full blast. so richie did want to go to the dance with him.

“you’re not kidding, are you?”

after a moment, a song came on in the background that made richie perk up slightly, causing a sudden thought to pop up in his head. richie popped up to his feet, holding a hand out towards the other boy. “dance with me, eddie.” he whispered, causing eddie to stare at him in confusion.

“what are you–”

“beep beep eddie!” richie shot at him teasingly, causing eddie’s cheek to light up slightly. “stop talking and dance with me. please.”

eddie stared up at the tall boy hesitantly before finally grasping his hand, and standing up to his feet. he had never danced with anyone like this before, so eddie waited awkwardly for richie to take the lead. once he felt richie’s arms wrap snuggly around his waist, he let out a soft gasp, his arms automatically finding solace around his shoulders as he laid his head on richie’s chest.

richie placed his chin on top of eddie’s head, and slowly, they swayed back and forth to the beat of the song eddie wasn’t familiar with. it didn’t matter to him, though. he knew richie loved it. in fact, richie was singing along quietly to it.

“don’t you see me? i, i think i’m falling. i’m falling for you. and don’t you need me? i, i think i’m falling. i’m falling for you.” richie had a beautiful voice that eddie loved. the first time he heard his voice, it had been at richie’s house one day while he was in the shower, unaware that eddie had come over and heard. he had begged and pleaded with eddie not to tell anyone, going as far as to make him take a blood oath. in all honesty, he hadn’t planned on telling anyone anyway - it was a richie secret that he wanted to be the only one in the knowing of for as long as possible. besides, he was more shocked that richie was shy about it more than anything.

eddie felt himself growing more emotional as the song continued, his arms tightening around richie as he listened to the boy sing melodically along. he almost couldn’t believe this was actually happening. maybe this was all a dream.

“i don’t wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck.”

at the same time, they pulled back slightly to look at each other, eddie’s eyes red once more and filled with tears of emotion. richie smiled down at him, reaching up to brush some curls away eddie’s face before he took the leap of faith - he leaned down and pressed his lips to eddie’s soft, warm ones.

both their minds went blank for a moment, swirling with a sudden togetherness.

their lips fit perfectly and moved together in sync, richie’s tongue grazing eddie’s lower lip as if to ask for permission to deepen the connection. the kiss continued for what seemed like forever, before eddie pulled back to stare up at richie in breathless awe.

“i think i’m falling for you too, trashmouth.”

————-

GOD THIS WAS UNGODLY LONG. I’M SO SORRY. not only that but i’m a piece of shit who didn’t bother to edit. but pls read and give feedback!

I never really understood a lot of aspects of the culture around dating apps for a long time but now I tried bumble to try and make some friends in the midst of this plague and it all kind of clicked.

firstly, this app is addictive as hell. bumble has a limit on how many people you can see per day unless you pay more and as soon as I hit that limit the first time I felt a real urge to go back and keep on swiping in a way that I haven't felt with any other app, including ones specifically designed to get you hooked such as pay-to-win mobile games.

I'm sure there are studies to shed light on how this works but my suspicion is this: when you are presented with a potential match, you are presented with two possibilities; either they are interested in you, or they're not. if they aren't then they go away again forever, they effectively never mattered to you and they never will. they're just someone you pass on the street. if they are interested in you then you can talk to them, meet them, even potentially start a relationship with them. basically I think the app incentivises you to treat everyone as if they are super into you and go from there, because that's how it make connections. with that being the case, the app becomes basically a parade of very real, very attractive people (who are very deliberately presenting you with their most interesting and attractive selves), coming up to you and saying 'im into you'. so of course that's addictive. of course that makes you feel better than getting 20 rubies for finishing the level extra good or whatever. it's a concentrated hit of the feeling of being loved.

now don't get me wrong, I'm not passing judgement on this, not in this post anyway. it's a drug that doesn't just simulate emotions, but gives you the real thing, and there's no downsides, at least physically. that's not inherently bad.

my point is that it is extremely addictive, which makes it a great money-making scheme for the developers, and also intensifies the other psychological effects of the app.

one thing the developers of bumble, and apps like it, are very good at hiding is the fundamental nature of what you do on the app. the two major actions on the site are the iconic 'swipe left' and 'swipe right'. everything is focused on that right swipe, the app is about 'finding people', about 'making connections'. but a right swipe is not really a connection in and of itself. the other person also needs to swipe right on you, which is far from certain. all it really does is allow people to remain in your dating pool, a pretty minimal change. the real foundational feature of these apps, the one which they are built around, is the left swipe.

swiping left removes people from contention, effectively blocks them out of your life. it's a cool idea in theory, a social network where the main activity is vetting people before they're allowed to interact with you. whereas blocking people on other social media is largely reactive (you only block them after they've already done something wrong). dating apps allow for a kind of 'proactive' blocking, where you can only interact with people you've personally okayed. again, this is great in theory. blocking serves an important purpose online, to protect us from harassment and hate, or simply from things we don't want to see, and by blocking out unpleasant people and things, we create a safe, enjoyable space online.

unfortunately, however, people don't have big old red flags on their dating profile saying 'I'm a nazi!', 'I'm abusive!', 'I'm transphobic!', and they often don't even advertise smaller annoyances either (although sometimes they do- there's a surprising number of people in my area who still think Friends was funny enough to put it in their bio). And so people invent red flags. I think people understand on some level that these apps are fundamentally about blocking people even if they don't think about it consciously, so they automatically start making a mental list of unacceptable traits. I know I did- my aside about Friends earlier was only partially a joke, because I really did start blocking people who liked media I found annoying. I also blocked people who wore overly formal or expensive-looking clothes in most of their images, people who liked sports too much and some people who I just thought looked 'boring'. I told myself I was only getting rid of people with incompatible interests but the truth is I've had good friends in real life with all of those traits. I think these apps incentivise coming up with relatively arbitrary criteria to block people, which probably goes some way towards explaining some of the things that most confused me about these apps before I started using them. I always wondered why, to give a prominent example, people care so much about height on these things. i now think that no matter why you start using the app, once you do you realise that the whole point is to find reasons to block people, and some of those reasons may be totally arbitrary.

today im only and only here to talk about my own feelings, even if it’s initially exhausting

even if i kind of dont remember hoe it was done

the semester is over for now and sometimes the mere fact that i have survived life

and another semester, and call outs, and investigations

feels like a miracle to me

i have not only survived, i have been able to save lives

im passing on

what a miracle, everytime that man hit me or when the

rapist did what he was supposed to

i felt drained and full of rage all at once, i knew i wasnt giving up

i have struggled to love me, but i am surely getting there

the sheet masks calm my skin, after days of staying in bed perpetually

and crying and rubbing my face

but never washing it

im back to drinking water and having sheet masks on, it shows something

i stand up for whats right even after knowing it can upset

people dearest to me

i love them so much, but there’s so much more to life and the universe

than only holding onto the people dear to us

aur bhi dukh hain zamanay me muhabbat kay siwa

and maybe it comes at a cost because if someone doesnt understand

the journey with is already over maybe, it’s all part of life, and nothing lasts forever

not even when you spend the night watching bojack horseman together

and hold hands in spirit at the darkest night

and read books together and leave notes for each other

and fix each others’ masks, make playlists together

nothing 

nothing, lasts forever maybe and thats fine

maybe this is what life is, making the most out of whats there

i need this trip to islamabad and spend time with just my best friend

and meet girls i met at summer school once again

everyone’s single this time around so maybe

we can talk it out, talk of the dilemmas and pain and joy of being on our own

firm, 

at such a lovesick vulnerable stage

we’ll laugh and say we’re lovewhores

but we’ll stand firm on our feet and also remind each other we’re not taking any shit 

maybe our education has taught us something,

maybe the exposure has taught us how to live our lives and take care of ourselves

because even on days we thought we were sulking, we were attending to ourselves 

to our wounds

as women from pakistan, i am glad we decided to go abroad

at least for a while, or maybe forever

who knows

one day in my dream law school or at my dream job i might meet the woman or man of my dreams someone who brings more joy

than doubt

maybe then it wont be draining and i’ll know it was right

my professors are nice, they give me accommodations and deferrals but then i remember 

that they let actual rapists roam around free

i am not going to stop fighting this fight against violence towards women

when it affected me first hand and i know 

affects lineages of women

i have to do this for them

i want to do this for womanhood

and if someone doesnt understand, i’ll say my goodbye

because people who love me, must love me wholly for who i am

for how i think, for what i find meaning in

true heartbreaks suck, but it sucks more to be detached from my own self and my own love

i am never doing that again

i matched with the abuser i was in love with on bumble but

i unmatched before i could say hi

im proud of myself for having learnt how to look after myself and myself first

for realizing the boy i remained in love with for too long was so average

never ever worthy of this powerempire i call myself

and he knew that

of course he knew that

i am proud im able to see a regular 22 year old who goes to a regular university in lahore and does regular things

in someone i supposedly love

feelings cloud us sometimes, but maybe knowing that they cloud us will make a difference

isnt that what we want, from our education

from our activism

from our love

to be cognizant 

i am tired now but i want to write about my feelings and me so much more often