#im really so.. aware of my flaws and whats wrong w me and how i act | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iwasbored777 · 9 months

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so ur trolls posts got me to watch trolls world tour again. i remembered liking it but i couldnt remember why, but now i know for sure

I FCUKING LOVE TROLLS WORLD TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE INCREDIBLE WRITERS WERE SECRETLY ON TROLLS 2 !!!!!!’n

I CANT TBINK OF A SINGLE FLAW IN TROLLS WOULD TOUR!!!!!!!

i was NOT expecting a brilliantly written masterpiece about colonialism, but thats what i got, and its going in the greatest of all time hall of fame in my brain forever.

im not gonna sit here and regale you on the message of the movie. they only said fax, no printer, and its an important message to send kids. alot of the messages kids get about races and borders is “we are all the same 😚” but they came in with the “we are NOT the same and that is both good and bad, both exciting and dangerous so you need to be aware of dangerous ideas of “harmony”” and thats so real. kids need to understand differences are OK.

i love how they backed off the “chosen one” vibe poppy had in the first movie and talked about her flaws as a leader. while her stubborness was a good thing in the first movie to contrast branches pessimistic nature, it wouldnt have worked here, and i can see a cheap writer (like m*chael w*ldron) either insisting she gets away with her selfishness and carrying on with the happy ending anyway, or pretending that wasnt a character trait at all (because w*ldron doesnt watch the first movie and writes a sequel anyway)

my favorite scene is the bubble scene and the woods right after they leave funk where branch confronts poppy. do i even need to tell you why?

i just want to mention it because im pretty sure branch sings a cover of “girl crush” by little big town, which is a country band, and branch said he likes country music earlier and that slays. but when poppy comes in, what they sing is definitley not girl crush, and i cant tell if its giving “trolls can mix music” or im completley wrong and its a different song alltogether. but i cant tell if that song is homophobic or is super gay, so if im wrong thats prob for the best.

the only flaw i can think of is the country music, as a midwestern i can confidently say that was an affront to real blue grass country music. i guess born to die “works” but it didnt represent country as well as the other genres did. theres alot of controversy in the country music fandom with alot of singers who sound exactly the same and produced like its a factory line. but even if people still think miranda lambert and carrie underwood arent true country singers, their songs wouldve worked better than born to die. also the country trolls shouldve been on a self sufficient farm instead of the wild west. that wild western jazzy piano and country music isnt the same.

the only bad part about the movie is that it ended and barb ATE. SHE LEFT NO CRUMBS WITH THAT INTRO. send ask.

Lol I love your review. I love Trolls World Tour a lot too and all their other movies. Great stuff.

And yeah I love Poppy and how she can accomplish A LOT but she doesn't make it on her own, she needs character development and help from others just like everyone else. Characters are surprisingly realistic.

Barb really was goat, the best antagonist in the franchise. I love parallels between her and Poppy, how both had different intentions (Poppy wanted to help and Barb wanted to conquer) but Poppy's method was also wrong and both Poppy and Barb and everyone had to make compromises for all tribes to live in harmony because no one has to change their lifestyle for that to happen, all they have to do is accept that they're different and that's perfect. Just be yourself and let others be themselves.

That song in the end (Just Sing) slaps hard (and so does Can't Stop The Feeling btw).

P.S. Tiny Diamond fucking slays 🔥🔥🔥

#luv them #trolls movie #trolls world tour #trolls band together #trolls holiday in harmony #trolls holiday #ask and answer

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plenary-indulgence · 7 months

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Okay so I know it was just a lil meme/joke, but out of curiosity if he WERE to get sent to silent hill what sort of emotional baggage wouldve sent em there and how well would he handle it?

first of all i HATE that u asked me this on anon b/cuz the fact that you a) looked at my post at all and b) took the time to ask me about it is making me insane and i want to send you a handwritten thank you note all tied up with like a ribbon and stickers and shit

anyway i definitely haven't thought about this at all clearly

ehehe had to get that out of the way it makes me laugh every time i look at it even though it's my own joke (i am one of like 7 people in the world who actually liked sh4)

i love the idea of silent hill aus and using them as a creative tool to really explore what makes your wol/oc tick in all the ugly ways but i personally feel like im not really clever or creative enough to do it well myself (kind of like konami after they fucked over kojima and made homecoming/downpour AM I RIGHT FELLAS!!) i can say with some certainty he wouldn't handle it WELL, there would be a lot of running away and panic and hiding and praying and swinging a lead pipe EXTREMELY INEFFECTUALLY because that's just how he handles things outside of silent hill too, by running away and hiding and praying. not so much the lead pipe maybe, that's a contrivance. :)

but i think primarily coconeja's biggest problem is his insecurity and his inability to really self-actualize and believe in himself as someone who matters in the world and how he just wants so badly to be what he thinks everyone else wants him to be, instead of just accepting himself for who he actually is. i think then some of the manifestations would be twisted versions of himself, or rather all the coconeja's he wishes he were but fails to be. and since it's a flawed premise to begin with, there is no "ideal" coconeja, they would all sort of be half-formed, misshapen things. pathetic grotesqueries. but with flavors!! the coconeja he thinks yshtola wants, who is clever and worldly - but physically weak and has to drag itself along the ground and oozes ink and has all the answers - but can only speaks backwards in riddles the coconeja he thinks thancred wants, who is quick on his feet and graceful and confident - but has no substance, and barely exists, and can only sort of shift ineffectually in and out of existence miserably the coconeja he thinks his parents wanted, which is just a sad little shadow who sits in a dark room full of dead fish all alone and counts, endlessly

you know!! stuff like that!! so on and so forth. a whole bunch of fucked up little coconeja ghoulies, so messy, so miserable, so gross.

oh and yea i guess there's the wedge thing; but joke photoshops aside he really deep down truly does not see wedge as anything other than good or as something that could ever hurt him. he loves wedge, and all the pain and the longing and the loneliness - all that baggage comes from inside, from him. he doesn't blame or resent wedge at all!! so if wedge did show up i don't think it would be as a monster i think it would be more conceptual. like something coconeja's searching for, or trying to reach, but can't. haunting this particular narrative in a way even though he's not dead.

although the more i think on it - while wedge himself is not at fault coconeja is REALLY AFRAID AND AWARE of how his status as the wol affects others, especially people he cares about, and how it can get them hurt or put them in danger. and i mean thats literally what happened with omega. compounding factor here that he thinks confessing or pursuing wedge in the way he wants WOULD hurt him and is wrong and like, not even doing anything but knowing he WANTS to - the shame and the guilt really do be eating him up.

mm like he really internalizes the fact that it's him, wanting wedge as something inherently wrong and hurtful and something to keep secret and locked away. in reality its BECAUSE he cares so much and would never do anything to hurt wedge, but has such a low opinion of himself and is terrified of the idea that just by having these feelings at all he's already ruined everything. idk im going in circles here. this particular aspect of coconeja is very stupid and hard for me to articulate lmao

i also think it would be dope as hell if there were just like, a giant godzilla sized flag. i mean you could make it relevant and say like "ohh well the giant godzilla sized flag is a representation of coconeja's inability to connect with people, his best friend is an animal because he's afraid of how he thinks real people won't accept his perceived inadequecies or whatever" and i guess like give him 3 heads and rusty muzzles and fucked up antlers that are just like a constantly twisting mess of human hands grasping at nothing hell throw in a bunch of rotting lunar tears all over him so i can even shoehorn the nier raid stuff in there and that's sort of coconeja's pyramid head figure, always just sort of looming off in the distance, watching, being a physical reminder of his fear and self-loathing and doubt

and of course as far as the actual silent hill itself, gotta go with the CLASSIC foggy town. or not so much a town, but the streets of uldah completely devoid of the hustle and bustle that defines it. it's cold and it's empty and it's rotting and it's quiet (aside from coconeja wailing his fool head off as he's running away from himself and swinging a rusty lead pipe at nothing)

anywho, thanks again for the ask!! thank you!! thanks!!

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #ough you got me going anon #how embarrassing #its fine my lalafell is so normal actually #just a normal functioning guy

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itsfuckinganne · 2 years

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thursday november 3rd, 2022

there are so many thoughts running in my head right now, I dont think I can even process half of it but maybe journaling it, through this, will help me liberate myself from this anxiousness. the funny things is; most of the anxiety that I have, I brought upon myself. I could've made better decisions and I wouldn't be in this position. im kind of victimizing myself, literally going against my morals and to be real w you, that shit HURTS. I wanna be present in a lot of things, but when I try to do something good 4 myself, I feel guilty cus do I really deserve it? now that im reading some of this, ive definitely become more aware of what im doing wrong and the first thing I needa do, what my father's been tryna tell me, is to at LEAST be honest with myself and what I'm doing. I feel so foggy but I didnt smoke the past two days and I was going through it mentally. when my friends ask I kind of just...talk my shit n I cant even be there, but I wanna be so bad. so, so bad. I feel so guilty im surrounded by a lot of good people but it does make feel better everyone has their flaws. ive also noticed a lot of my friends’ dynamics w other people and what they tell me. im pretty sure they can see thru this whole facade and that makes me feel like im crawling out of my whole skin. its 12:55 typing all that dropped a weight off my shoulders. how do I leave this cycle, I feel like I have 2 detox myself from the facade and just learn how to be comfortable in my space. im not sure why I crave the need 2 have a significant other. I cant shake it off and its taking too many of my brain cells to get rid of it. I guess I just wanna feel like home again? I am so disconnected with my family in a way that, again, I have brought upon myself and that’s why I feel depressed cus I live in a house, I do everything for myself, but I dont provide a lot of me to my own family. I need to learn how to do that. I cant be emotionally unavailable to people who actually tries to help me grow. I owe so much to them its not even funny. I love my dad so fucking much that man really gave me everything and more so I could live decently. my mom, rowena, she is god fucking sent. Monica was blessed to have a mom like her. she cares so much and does everything but somehow, it isnt enough and im so sorry mama. I dont have anything else to say because I did this to you too. im sorry papa, I dont think I’ll ever be the child you want me to be. I dont know. im grieving so many things. I miss my friends so bad. I spent so much time with them. they were one of my favorite people ever. we all live different lives and I just wish I could share it but I know, for the sake of my growth, I need to let go and move on. if be, it will be. its 1:02am, I folded and smoked. but I feel better. if I have more anxiety I'll be back. shame by summer walker carried this therapy session.

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haik-choo · 4 years

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bokuto as your boyfriend

request: The type of lover fic is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read 🥺 could I request relationship headcanons with bokuto?

a/n: AH thank you for loving it!!! i like writing those types of things whenever im in a mood to write but not write *seriously*! and yes i LOVE bokuto he’s such a HIMBO my BABY GOD -- also i’m trying a different layout for hcs! i think i like my old ones better than making a separate header for each character but,,,,we shall see

[bokuto boyfriend headcanons]

-bokuto, obviously

the most hyperactive lover ever -- one second he’s at the other side of the room waving wildly at you, and the next second he’s next to you and squeezing the life out of you

is the type of boyfriend that honestly needs a lot of affection/attention, he can deal with a lover who’s not as affectionate as he is, but then he’ll need words of affirmation instead -- he just likes to be told and showed that he is wanted and loed

i know it may not seem that way -- but i think that he can get really lonely sometimes. he’s fine by himself, but when he’s with people, he’s much happier

especially you, he loves to be around, because even if you don’t talk at all, your presence makes him feel calm and happy -- just knowing you are there with him because you want to be

drops by wherever you work randomly just to bring you lunch or say hi and that he’s missed you. your coworkers are lowkey jealous of you and your amazing relationship

asks you to come to every single one of his games, and if you don’t he gets all sulky. usually you show up in the stands with a huge ‘bokuto kotaro kick their ASSES’ sign

but when you don’t show up at all he’ll be really sad, even if you already told him you wouldn’t be able to go. but just tell him when he gets home that you watched it on your phone -- and he’ll perk up

when your back is facing him, he’ll come up behind you and wrap his big beefy bokuto arms around you and snuggle his face into your neck and inhale your scent -- you complain because he always lifts you off the ground, but he won’t stop

when he gets back late from practice and you’re in bed, he’ll just drop his duffel by the bed and fall on top of you

“boKUTO ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? YOU ARE LITERALLY 6′1 AND B U I L T”

“:((( so no cuddles?”

“....come here you himbo oaf”

his cuddles are the BEST -- he wraps his arms around your back and pulls your face into his chest and nuzzles his face in your hair before releasing a huge breath and kissing the top of your head, i --

he loves it when you grab his face and pull him to your lips, the feeling of your fingers pulling him towards you -- to him, it shows how much you want him to be around you, and how much you love him

he doesn’t usally notice the small things you do on a daily basis for him )like making him tea or smth like that), but he will notice IMMEDIATELY if you deviate from your routine

like say you always check your emails before you get out of bed, and one day you just don’t -- he’ll notice that and he like “what’s wrong? do your eyes hurt? there’s eyedrops in the medicine cabinet”

bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent -- trust me. he can tell when you’re uncomfortable or when you’re stressed, or when you need a pick-me-up, he can even tell when your boss yells at you because you wear a certain expression when that old geezer does

fights w/ bokuto are short-lived, mostly because he hates yelling and he hates when you’re mad at him

but when it does happen -- bokuto can be loud. but that’s it, he doesn’t bang his fists on the counter, he just rests his head in his hands, or he’ll do extra practice to release steam. but he’s loud, his voice just booms, and he isn’t really aware of it

but he is aware of how your face scrunches when his voice gets past a certain point, and that’s usually when the fight stops and he takes you in his arms and apologizes or softly talks to you

fortunately, fights are rare, because bokuto is very aware of your emotions and where you stand on things -- he doesn’t mind letting a problem taking a backseat temporarily if it means it can be solves peacefully later, when you or him aren’t in a bad mood

relationships with bokuto are strong and nearly unbreakable because his willingness to grow and change with the person; bokuto doesn’t fall in love easily, so when he falls for someone, he falls forever

bokuto gets infatuated easily, this is true -- but love isn’t just infatuation. love is an acceptance of the other’s flaws, it’s a feeling that lays deep in the heart, it’s unconditional support for the other

bokuto knows he loves you, and he will for as long as he lives. a relationship with bokuto is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, no matter what happens, he will remember you

,,,

in conclusion please just love this himbo and he’ll love you unconditionally back

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyū!!#haikyuu!! fluff #bokuto kotaro #bokuto #bokuto fluff #bokuto kotaro fluff #bokuto headcanons #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto x reader #bokuto x reader fluff #bokuto imagines #haikyuu fukurodani #haikyuu boys #haikyuu headcanons

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mafianoir · 2 years

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have you seen rebel without a cause bc people equate james dean with his character in that movie or rather pop culture's ridiculous misconception of said character and the entire movie and i could go on about this but if i think about it too hard i might combust

HAVE I SEEN WHWHWHWHHW-- YES OF COURSE I'VE SEEN REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE DO I LOOK LIKE--

i could never put into words how i feel ab james dean's stardom better than the post i just reblogged but also,, i feel similarly about audrey hepburn (kinda, not to the same extent bc of different circumstances) bc i absolutely adore her to pieces but i feel like when people conjure an image of her or her persona/character in their head, it's either a) holly golightly or b) angelic manic pixie dream girl who was innocent and never did wrong

i'm ranting ab audrey in particular bc i love her ik this has barely anything to do w the ask

and i felt like this was too much to put into the tags but it almost pains me bc yes audrey was this wonderful, sweet, beautiful and kind larger than life woman who always strove to help others and was selfless- but she was also so agonisingly and wonderfully human, and she suffered so much and also harbors some of her own (very human) flaws, that i feel are glossed over in order to put her on this impossible pedestal. of all old hollywood icons, audrey is one of my very favourites (if not for lauren bacall, she'd be #1) and part of why i adore audrey is BECAUSE of her flaws, sometimes she was selfish, sometimes she simply yearned for things beyond her reach. i don't have an opinion on bill holden but her whole affair with him fascinates me to no end, and it is all so very.... human of her. she simply wanted, just like the rest of us. and often she might have behaved 'immorally' because of it. we all do.

same thing with marilyn monroe- to people today she is only ever Marilyn Monroe™️, never norma jeane, never the bright, well spoken and emotional woman, only the dumb, sexy curvy blonde, only an archetype. (there's also discussion of her being lgbt, but i feel with a lack of her own actual input, it's impolite to assume. correct me if otherwise ofc) same with frank sinatra and those who aren't aware of his alleged (real) mafia ties. so many old hollywood icons that are misunderstood and misrepresented as the image they portrayed on the silver screen, their real selves kinda just... lost to time. it's not even bittersweet. just bitter.

this is not to say james dean was flawed in a problematic way or anything- i kinda went off topic and went on my own rant. it's just that these real, very human individuals are constantly shadowed by what people want them to be. james dean is a particularly special case bc of clear lgbt erasure. like 90% of old hollywood were fruity as hell and of course there's no wondering why we don't hear about that facet of them now. as an lgbt individual myself, it's so lovely to know that these icons (that i cherish far more than our modern celebrities) were just like me. but the fact i have to dig through articles and cross reference books merely hinting about their queerness- it aches to know that history would rather replace you with a character you played, than celebrate you for who you really were. like dying isn't enough, they kill you again. ugh

anyway sorry for the long essay reply hhhh cringe i didnt even say anything substantial im just here to be annoying

and lbr if half of what these old hollywood starlets got up to were posted to twitter they'd all be cancelled sksjsjsksjdj cancel culture is so stupid

also speaking of misinterpreting a movie. breakfast at tiffany's is a whole other thing hhhhrhhrhgrfhfnfnhrhr

tldr; celebrities are human and over half a century later we still haven't learned

#IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT RESPONSE U DONT HAVE TO READ IT #just venting #now im worried i worded smth wrong and im gonna get beat up on the dash but eh. What can u do #james dean #audrey hepburn #marilyn monroe #discourse #?#thank u harry ur questions always make my braincells go brrrr #long post #(.ask.)

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crazygaysex · 3 years

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incomprehensible conjecture and rambling about sunny/rcg under the cut! idk man I got 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 or wataver and my brain is an abandoned swamp Good Nigte

i certainly am not arguing that mac Absolutely Isnt a stereotype of a predatory gay man/self-hating homophobe or whatevr. i wont argue the homophobe one at all really,not great even if they rectified it and further tried to make up for it or whatever w mac finds his pride (which i love, regardless). but honestly i dont think the predatory complaint really makes a whole lot of legitimate sense considering every charatcer on the show is Extremely predatory in their own right. if he wasnt i’d be irritated to be honest. i do agree w wat mcelhenney said something like that its cool that they decided to acknowledge he was gay without changing him fundamentally as a person; he still needs to fit into the show or watever. like idk he’s not Ideal Gay Rep ofc but he’s awesome still. To Me. I like when character’s sexuality can be an improtant acknowledged facet of them but doesnt overtake the rest of te narrative! It never occurred to me that his behavior toward dennis would be seen as predatory ina stereotypical way seeing as how their relationship dynamic is so fckign bizarre. charlie has the same level of dogged cluelessness about the obj of his affection’s true feelings, so it didnt occur to me to see mac touching dennis’ knee or stuff of that variety as being any different ig or as making fun of queers or watevr. if i am wrong/misunderstanding i apologize. i have never considered mac from that perspective before.

honestly i kinda get the complaints. i’ve never rly thought rcg all have 10000% pure intentions with the insensitive kind of humor they are into, no matter their loophole justifications for shit. sometimes i almost believe their reasoning and do basically understand but it still seems flimsy when you considers stuff like the blackface stuff which is indeed kind of funny at times mainly bc the joke is the absurdity of it all, like mac in the shower with the brown dripping off him like he’s melting; it’s not funny at the expense of black ppl but more so at the expense of how goddam stupid and unaware mac is. i havent seen the blackface/brownface ones in years sos i dont have a whole lot to say excepe they seemed to be clearly against using blackface as the moral while still using it to get laughs. so. really honestly i don’t know that it’s Liderally Ever edgy white people’s call to use something like blackface regardless of context, regardless of their obvious intent? i dunno i have tried to find Black ppls opinions online a couple times but struggled to find any tangible results. the only other thing i have to say with ym white person words is that i think it’s stupid that the streamig companies take down all insensitive episodes like theyre trying to brush them under the rug and pretend it never happened in wake of a changing political climate. i get it, but kinda just seems like corporate scrambling ie disney getting ridof all of song of the south but still profiting from splash mountain eprhaps. something seems dodgy to me about pretending it doesnt exist anymore just to cover their asses. i understand the sentiment i guess but i dont think that’s really the main goal of the BLM movement, to purge streaming services of any questionable/racially insensitive/Fully Racist material; there’s surely more important things at the top of the lists besids Good Branding . im not sure if that makes sense

also a lot of episodes the joke is the blatant but somehow woefully oblivious homoerotic overtones present between the guys, like a Lot of the time. it is very funny though is the thing and a lot of thm are my favorites. i dunno. i also thought hte pooping transgender bit was pretty funny mainly cause it was absurd. i think maybe because i have my own what i think are reaosnable and empathetic views about certain stuff like queer shit it doesnt necessarily occur to me that they are trying to make fun of queer people.. like people make fun of conservative fans for having completely missed the point of it all being satire, and wat if i am being tricked to into assuming rcg has kind intentions and isnt trying to make fun of queer people just cause the thought didnt occur to me? instead of taking all the gay subtext serious- WHICh i Do, i should probably be more aware that to rcg it is just a bit and not really that deep. but mac and dennis were totally fucjing in s5 canonically. anwyays like aside from the carmen shit which is handled So Fuckign Bad and it makes me so upset cause i actually love carmen they were just very clearly not bothered with actually representing trans people accurately. so in the bathroom one if even fuckin dee reynolds is like, saying a trans woman in a woman’s bathroom is obviously normal.. it seems like they’d rectified some of their previous Very flawed rhetoric surrounding trans women (ie the whole “u slept with me when i was still a man” line. makes me cringe a bit ebery time)u get wat i mean?? not that it atones for it obviously. i love carmen she desreved better

butreallt i dont have any like. Pure Faith in rcg to be super accountable or honest about their intentions or to have the most accurate or agreeable beliefs or whataver. theyre just fucking about really because they can without any lashback. and people i think like being able to laugh at offensive shit thru scenarios which supposedly distance you from bigots/evil people and make u feel better about yourself watching these dumbass evil people talk slime. when like. glenn yelling supposedly arabic-sounding gibberish for example: it is funny in this context not just cause it’s wildly inappropriate and absurd but also because there’s prob significant amt of people who actually dont have an issue with it who could watch it and not have that takeaway whatsoever. i dont kno wt im talking about anymore btu honestly if youre trying to watch a show that isnt rife throughout with controversial/offensive/insensitive language and story beats, i dont know why you would try to stomach it with sunny. like for gods sake they used blackface more than once! i dunno man

#x #iasip #i need to go to slepep now

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htpp-mxmi · 3 years

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literally have nobody to talk to so im gonna vent on here and any advice if anyone sees this would be helpful.

so im involved partially w this girl an were gonna call her z cuz thats what her name starts w lol. so me an z been knowing each other since 2019 and we went to school tg (college) and we had psychology tg and at the time i didnt really pay her no mind as far as a potential partner bc 1. i wasnt out 2. id just graduated high school and i was 18 so i was in the streets the whole summer and couldnt nobody really hold me down fr so i went into college w the same mindset (for reference im 21) so when i met z officially she liked me and wanted to be in a relationship with me but i wasnt too particular of her at first (she got A LOT of energy) i would call her my gf but in school i had a friend an we called eachother our gfs so i wasnt serious you could say which is wrong but i wasnt fully aware of her feelings so i took it w a grain of salt and basically turned her down but ended up coming out officially w a girlfriend not long after which was wrong but at the time i was very childish w a childish ass mindset so not surprising at the time. fast forward this year im 20 and i walk into my local grocery and i see her but i don’t realize its her bc shed lost a lot of weight but i was like oh she looks good not knowing till she made it known and from there we got back into contact in september

so fast forward now… were currently on a break bc she went thru a lot last year mental health wise and she was in a relationship the fucked her up so she doesnt do relationships esp w females where im from according to her. but she still liked me the same way i still gave her butterflies 2 years later so we began a relationship which wasnt hard to start we started off as friends. things were good we would ft all day and see eachother which i know came damage a relationship and i met her sisters and family which she brought me around. we said i love you and all yk typical lesbian shit but we butt heads hard and argue abt the smallest things and she believes im playing w her (due to her ex) and she says i say things that her first love (the ex the fucked her up) said and it triggers her and she believes im going to leave her life and assumes a lot but she blocks me and nitpicks at me and thats the shit i hate abt her bc shes so strong willed and outspoken and has an “idgaf who mad i said what i said” attitude that when we argue she sometimes blocks me or does lil petty shit to see me get mad. i do bc i care abt her and ive never felt more safe w someone and that loves me despite how i look or my flaws…

but lately… its been weird. see she went to the beach in the middle of october for her best friends birthday (were both scorpios and shes a capricorn) and this girl lets name her b and she slid in her dms talm bout text me and she was drunk and she got off the phone with me an said shed call back never did but it wont an issue but apparently the girl flirted w her and she said somethings back but i let it go bc she doesnt drink she smokes more. she never mentioned me but they got otp the same night… hmm. so after that it was my birthday then shit just goes down hill in my opinion like we were good but we argued more and we end up taking a break but were still communicating but now over the fact she threw my vapes away and got mad when i got another one td after the fact she spent the night and i met her whole family on thanksgiving but now that i matched her energy when she blocked me an said idc shes tired of me. hmmmmm what do yall think?

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bandomslayed · 3 years

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I’m not saying you should focus more on racism, I’m just saying that that’s something that the community as a whole needs to focus on and try to repair, I’m sure they all already know that people don’t like their ships. If that’s an issue, then groups can have a strict age limit. Easy solve. The other things are things that can be taught and learned but with hostility all that’s going to happen is a deeper divide. You said you wanted to argue with people about the things you don’t like that they do in this community. I’m paraphrasing, but why not instead want to educate them. No one will ever react well to feeling like they’re being ridiculed or patronized. People worth spending your time on are the ones you can talk to without it being a shitshow. We’re having a dialogue. I’ve felt this entire time like everything I say, someone is going to search for one thing to deliberately misinterpret or magnify unnecessarily when, if there’s something that they have an issue with, it could be a perfect opportunity to educate me instead of people being hostile. I’m college educated and can think critically, I’m moderately well spoken, I’m open to instructive criticisms and discussing things that aren’t agreed upon so I’m just sort of confused by the fact that what I’m saying is being picked apart by other anons and to a degree, you. You all want to change my mind about age gaps, despite me being with someone older irl and feeling safe and genuinely valued for the first time in a relationship in my life so why do you think that calling my dead grandpa names, redirecting the conversation and then kinda mocking me when I attempt to understand wholly and agree with some of the things you’re saying? That’s not going to convince me or anyone else. It just makes people feel defensive. Reiterating here that I’m not saying YOU specifically need to talk about racism more, and I’m not trying to diminish your experience or anything like that In just saying that those topics (discrimination of any kind, abuse of any kind) in the community are things we should be discussing instead of ships we think aren’t comfortable. I feel uncomfortable with relationships in real life and in rp all the time but that isn’t up to me to say it’s wrong or bad. It’s no ones right to tell any two consenting adults that what they’re doing is wrong. But it is a human right to tell someone when they’re being insensitive, and that’s a flaw in the community that people can be educated on and learn to handle with more sensitivity and knowledge but we’re never going to reach that point if we’re all just hostile and cruel to one another. Also reiterating that I’m not using personal examples to get cred, I just like examples because I think using them shows where I’m coming from so that any person who wants to have a dialogue can have a frame of reference for why my opinions are what they are on any topic. If I’m wrong, or insensitive, or just kinda dumb I want to know that but simply telling me I’m wrong or insensitive or dumb doesn’t teach me how not to me. And this doesn’t just mean me, I mean the whole community. It will never improve if we all just talk about the things we don’t like and give no feasible solutions.

alright i see what you want so let me switch to my white pleaser voice and deliver since you're so keen on being patronizing and in the same breath, acting like me taking what you say "the wrong way" is the problem. in bullet points so next time u come back to keep going at it u can pinpoint exactly what it is i misconstrued because u will do it anyway.

you're asking the community as a whole to care more about racism but you're talking to me who's leading the conversation in the first place. i understand you didn't imply i specifically should care more about it, but you're still using racism to discredit my point of view on age gap relationships being an important topic to discuss as well, and watering it down to just me not liking people's plots when that is not the message.

nobody is telling anyone how to live their lives. im bringing awareness to the fact that this culture is not okay. it's dangerous to our young. it NEEDS to be uncomfortable to you (you, plural) to invite to this so called critical thinking.

im not saying your partner doesn't have a right to be loving or grandpa and grandma had abuse masked as a good relationship. im saying, since it needs to be spelled out with no room for misinterpretation; the culture behind someone 10+ years older finding it completely okay to pursue someone that much younger — especially when we're talking 18 - 30 age range — needs to be looked at more closely. it's not safe in general. do exceptions exist? absolutely, but the whole two consenting adults point is a terrible one to make when at 18, you're considered that when you're still essentially just a child.

a strict age limit, which most groups adopt now, does little to actually prevent age gap relationships within roleplays. moreso, uneven power dynamics within plots being glamorized. my boss is not over 5 years older than me, but he is my boss. kpop boybands don't have age gaps of 10+ years in groups, usually, but there is a leader most times acting like a father figure, not to mention korean culture is heavy on emphasizing age-related hierarchical order, so a literal still wet behind the ears child establishing a romantic connection with someone who is not their equal? dangerous.

now let's halt. i already told you, i don't give a shit about respectability politics. it is not my job to be nice and educate anyone. and i don't mean just on this blog... most of you whites have come to assume and expect, even, that poc will be subservient, docile, and always willing to switch and nicely explain to you why the very core of the way you think about the world because you grew up sheltered w/e is not the whole picture for everyone. the worst part? most of them do. most of them do put their thinking caps on and write these novel worthy, intelligent, respectful, calculated think pieces only for the white in question to turn around and still deem it aggressive, etc. i don't do that. that is labor that most of you do not deserve.

the implication that there are feasible solutions for these problems that don't require for people to literally rework their entire mindset is naive at best. what am i supposed to do? be like nooo don't be racist, racism is bad BECAUSE it hurts people. i think all of you are old enough to know that by now. you definitely have enough internet exposure to know that, even if you grew up in all white sundown town america.

i explain my points. i actually explain my points more than the average person, yet here we are still saying im not doing enough to educate those around me as if it was my responsibility to change the way people think with sugar spice and everything nice so they feel their hand is held and it's safe to make a mistake that will consequently hurt other people as many times as they need to make it to finally grasp the reality of it and be able to just... not do that in the future. when no. no. when you hurt me, im allowed to react emotionally, not intellectually. when im angry and upset and still explaining why, its YOUR job to swallow it down and listen to what im saying, because YOU hurt me. i don't owe you civility (again; you, plural). i especially don't owe you civility when ive given you nothing but in the past and the end result is still me being an aggro freak who doesn't care for your precious feelings.

you're also assuming things. for example, assuming that im mocking you specifically when i really have not done that. if im going to mock you, im going to reply to your anon and say "okay stupid", then yeah, im mocking you. otherwise? don't assume im directing anything at you.

we're having a dialogue and this whole time all you've done is tell me to stop talking. your messages have all, in essence, said, if people want to date other people who have a shitton of years on them, that is not a problem and you look prettier talking about something else. yes, that's also paraphrased. you didn't say that, of course, but why are we still here if not because you feel personally scrutinized over the reaction to the life examples that you willingly provided?

nobody is trying to change YOUR mind, you're just not willing to consider that your age gap relationships that have been beautiful and loving and safe coexist within a culture that is wicked. a person who's 10+ older than me, 24, has no business seeing me as a potential partner. it's not appropriate. yet if they do, and i also see them as a potential partner, there's nothing inherently evil about that specific instance. it is the circumstances (past), that lead to this kind of thinking in the first place what im asking everyone to analize and understand. and it does matter. it matters as much as racism, abuse, ooc mistreatment of rp partners. again, issues do not queue and wait for something to end so they can begin anew. every conversation i choose to have i consider worth having. you're free to stay out if you don't deem it important.

you're exhausting me thinking by turning my inbox into ap debate we're achieving grand things sooo hope this helps 🖤

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dadbodsarehot · 4 years

Text

bliss;

rating: lets say like teen idk. references to sex and drugs ( like actual ones that exist. i dont count bliss thats fake. but if people on bliss bothers you dont read this either ) but nothing super explicit

pairing: summerseed ( john x tobias )

words: 1442

summary: this was supposed 2 be the baptism fic and then it literally just was not i have no idea what happened. its still gay though. tons of yearning in this one if youre into that. if youre not what are you doing on my blog. this fic was supposed to be funny and that also didnt happen so much?? idk man but im vibing w it

----------x----------

John finds Tobias right where he left him.

His eyes are dark, tiny rings of brilliant gold around pupils dilated to the size of dinner plates, his wet hair sticking to his face in platinum yellow disarray. The Bliss had sunk it's hooks into him- unsurprisingly, with how long John had left him in the water. Shame seeps into him, but it's not long before embarrassment takes it's place. Tobias is staring at him, now, enraptured- like a blind man seeing for the first time.

It makes an uneven heat rise to his cheeks. Surely it's all in his head. A symptom of his desire, the same grasping desire that had led him to kiss him when this had all started, before he had run away like a coward. All at once he remembered the soft feeling of him, wet and warm and pressed against his body, the give of his mouth and the taste of water and purity on his tongue, the gentle touch of his fingertips running barely-there through his hair. It had felt like coming home. Like waking up. What had it felt like for Tobias? He didn't dare hope that-

"You look like an angel."

The words break John's concentration on his inner monologue and bring a fresh round of heat to his face, quiet on the night air in the painful way that only Tobias could be quiet. Like his voice itself was an apology for it's existence. And yet, there is no apology for these words. No second guessing, no shyness, no anxiety- only a drug-fueled certainty so potent that it almost tempts him to believe he means it.

There's nothing he wouldn't give for him to mean it. To be the angel that he deserves, instead of the flawed and broken man that he is.

He clears his throat, looking away with the vague hope that if he doesn't see Tobias staring at him, the tension- real or imagined- between them would dissipate. It's no use, though; he can still feel those slivers of captured sunlight burning into him like holy fire.

"Have you seen many angels, Tobias?" The question isn't as confident as he wants it to be. What is he afraid of? That the answer will be yes?

Tobias shakes his head, slowly from side to side, his eyes still riveted on John.

"I didn't think they existed. Not really. But now I do. Now I'm sure that they do. Because I'm-" He blinks in a long, slow motion, swaying on his feet with a shiver as the wind blows through the valley. The desire inside John- to covet, to cherish, to hold, flares up hotter than the gaze leaving vulnerable, aching holes in him. Tobias opens his mouth to resume his sentence, but stops, brows furrowing. "Because I'm..."

"Because you're what?" He's riveted on the candy coated, drug-induced words, on him, on the possibilities. Too riveted. Too involved. Too hopeful. He hates what he hopes for, because he can never have it. And he wants it more than he's ever wanted anything- more than he used to want his next hit, more than he wanted salvation, more than he wants to keep breathing.

"I.....forgot what I was gonna say." The laugh that follows should be nervous, would usually be nervous, but is instead delighted. "Oops."

John laughs with him, if only for a moment. What else can he do but laugh? It sure beats giving into despair, into the feeling wrenching itself through his gut like a knife. What did he want him to say? No matter what he had said, it wouldn't change anything. The towel that he brought him hangs forgotten in his hand until he wraps it around the small mans shoulders, who pulls it around himself appreciatively and rubs the corner slowly against his cheek. "You must be cold. I'm......sorry."

Another shake of his head- blessedly, his eyes slip closed while he takes a deep inhale of the worn fabric.

"No. I feel... I'm so warm. It just smells like you. I like it. I like it a lot. You're all over me, like this."

John curses the way his heart skips a beat, and curses even more the next words that slip out of his mouth. "Come home with me."

And now those eyes are looking at him again, sparkling in the moonlight like he had plucked the stars from the sky itself- if it was possible, he would think his pupils had dilated further. Tobias tilts his head to the side, and strands of slowly drying, tangled blonde tilt with it. "Home? With you?"

He realizes what that invitation sounds like, at least to himself, and backtracks. "It's late, and you need to sleep this off. Change into some dry clothes."

Tobias looks down at his shirt, like he hadn't realized it was soaked and clinging to him indecently before John had pointed it out. He's lucky; John wishes he could stop noticing it, could stop thinking about leaning over and kissing him again or about stripping it off of him to see his expanse of pale skin glow damp and unhindered in the moonlight. "Okay....but only if I can keep the towel, too."

Again, John laughs.

----x----

The ride home was quiet, filled with staring and starlit skies and nothing but the chirp of crickets and the hymns on the radio to keep them company. Luckily, it was easy enough to convince him to give up his wet towel when John bribed him with one of his shirts. Tobias lays in his own bed, now, a button up trailing halfway down his thighs, pupils still wide even under the fluorescent lights. In another lifetime, they would both be under the influence. In another lifetime, he would pin him there, would leave marks on him, would corrupt this innocent thing with his own desire to fill his holes. In another lifetime, Tobias would be his.

But this is the only life he has, now- and it's one he should be grateful for. One he is grateful for.

John covers him up delicately and turns to leave. And he would have left, too, were there not suddenly a hand tugging at his shirt, keeping him in place.

"Stay with me this time?"

John knows he should say no. He wants to say yes. It'd be selfish to say no; it'd be selfish to say yes. Was staying a gift for Tobias, or himself? No doubt he would regret falling asleep next to him when the morning came and the haze of Bliss fell like scales from his sunlit eyes. Would it be wrong, to enjoy being close to him in the time before that? He tried to think of what Joseph would do, if put in a similar situation, and all at once was sure he would say no. That he would pull out of the weak grasp on him, twist free from the bindings this man had slyly attached to his traitor heart, and spend the night on the couch regretting it.

It was the right thing to do.

But he is not Joseph, and he realizes in the next instant when he is already flipping off the light and sliding under the covers next to Tobias that he is not someone who does the right thing, either.

The younger man's body once more presses in against his own- if he's aware of the too-fast rhythm of his heart when he lays his head against his chest, he doesn't say anything. John can almost feel him smile when he wraps his arms around him like second nature- another product of his overactive imagination, he's sure.

"I remembered what I was going to say. Earlier. About the angels." It's muffled by his own chest, and growing smaller by the minute as sleep and relaxation easily take him.

"Maybe you should tell me in the morning." His heart squeezes painfully. Tobias' arm wraps around his waist, his fingers caressing his back in what felt to him like agonizing decadence. In the morning, he would pull away from him, as he should; Tobias, he can tell, is someone who does do the right thing. He would not think about the morning right now.

"I believe in angels...." He yawns, precious and small, and nuzzles his still damp hair against John's chest, mumbling the end of his sentence. It's almost incomprehensible, taken by sleep and drugs. But John chooses, for better or for worse, to believe what he only thought he had heard.

Just for tonight, he will say yes to this, too.

"Because I'm in love with one."

#my writing #you're a revelation #pov fics kick my ass but i love hitting myself w heavy things until i die #anyway my bf said this was good so here i am #posting it #parkour bro #you ever depressed?? easy fix #just write almost 1500 words about a man you love yearning for you JKFLDSJKFL

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harmonie-writes · 5 years

Text

Friend Request/Black Mirror

Got this idea from the movie "friend request"(watch the ending explained for more info) where a non-human/monster student from kacchan & midoriya middle school has been bullied/harrased for their magic/quirk being highly dangerous and commited suicide by doing the black mirror ritual & sending it online to everyone at her school who bullied her. This was during near the end of middle school year. Everyone who saw the video were absolutely horrfied and(1/3) (2/3) To say that they felt guilty was an understatement. Bakugo & midoriya blame themselves for her suicide. But then when some of the students sre disappearing & being put in hospitals they know something is wrong. Then when bakugo is kidnapped/ rescued he and others see that she became a undead demon/monster dueled by anger/hate for those who tormented her and is about to hurt or even kill the others before one of the heroes knock her out/find the mirror & break it. (3/3)After they break the "mirror" she's(whose no longer a demon) brought back & taken in for questioning before they take her in at ua to try and help her recover. When she gets in class 1a she just shuts everyone out completely, not talking/ignoring, just wants nothing to do w/ anyone. When midoriya & bakugo try to approach to her to apologize or whatever, she makes it VERY clear that she will never forgive them & that they are the real monsters & exposes them & reveals scars from self harm (4/3) little extra sorry, you can choose the ending for this one. Im trying to work on a charscter & i needed inspiration & your blog was perfect for it. I saw the baba yaga thing, it was fantastic thank you. Also im really sorry if its really long. Im just really specific and wordy & in love with some of your writing👌. Have some love & drinks for your troubles🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤☕🍵🍶🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺🍻🥂🥃💋💌 Love you, from your loving follower.

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This was actually a really hard order to fill since I don’t like horror/thriller movies, but I love writing horror/thriller stories...the irony...someone please pinch me. Anyway I tried my hardest on this since I loved the topic and hopefully it gives you some inspiration Anon! ❤

WARNING!: THIS IS A VERY DARK THEME! CONTAINS SUICIDE, SELF INFLICTED WOUNDS, DEATH!

SUPER LONG I’M SORRY

AN: I had to look this up, but the black mirror ritual is where you are in a dark room with just enough indirect candle light illuminating your face/eyes. As long as you can see your eyes in the mirror then you can continue to the next step. The next step is to focus on your eyes or in between them without moving them or blinking, eventually everything in your vision will fade and become black. Then you just blink to come back from the void.

Also this won’t exactly fit the timeline that the manga/anime follows... another thing just because I don’t want to leave a plot hole for you love people I had to change somethings around! Oh and I attempted to make this as gender neutral as possible!

In Friend Request the person will perform this ritual and burn them self to become a demon that can posses others who look into darkened mirrors/reflections.

----------

You used to live in the more rural part of Japan, until a house fire burned down everyone and everything inside, you were the only survivor, but you had burns to show that it happened

The other downside about your home when it was still standing were the locusts

When you were four you went through multiple foster homes, none wanting you because of your strange magic quirk, it looked like very dark magic

While in and out of foster care you would draw as a mean of escape or write things down

Some would even goes as far as to call you a quirkless-wiccan

You had some friends not many though, it was really more of just being your friend out of pity

Judged for your burns and how terrible your quirk was; no one wanted you around

You were bullied because of your burns, your strange habits of staring into mirrors, even odd obsession of candles and dark places

Although that changed one day when you were at the park near you current foster residence

You met two boys: a loud blonde and a timid greenette

They noticed you conjuring small locusts from thin air

“What are you doing?” the little green haired boy asked coming up on your left shoulder

“Creating things of this and that,” your answer was vague, but substantial enough

“Why would you want to make these dumb bugs for?” the blonde peeked over your other shoulder

“Because they’re important,” you put the bug down to look at them then back at the little hopping creature

Eyeing them both up and down you crossed your little arms trying to hide the burn marks

“I’m Midoriya Izuku and he, “the greenette pointed at the blonde, “is Kacchan!”

“No, my name is Bakugou Katsuki,” the blonde huffed shooting a small glare at his friend

You hesitated hoping you wouldn’t get bullied by these two boys, “I’m (L/N) (Y/N)”

That’s at least how it started

Entering middle school the bullying got worse; students made it a point to make you already more aware of the flaws you had and the flaw you were even going as far as to say you should’ve burned with your family

Your magic got stronger the older you got and more you practiced, and you spent a lot of time allowing yourself to fade into the black room staring at your reflection in a small compact mirror

Midoriya has walked in on you when you have gone into the void being completely unresponsive to any outside noses, and he called Bakugou about it making him want to see it for himself

This caused unease in both boys seeing as wiccan symbols littered your arms and legs and every time you used your magic (dark) it would make you look quite terrifying

People could feel the power come off you but still bullied you into submission

You still followed them throughout middle school, but never picked up on the queues that they didn’t want you around or how they would shy away from the topics that involved plans that would make with others

You all attended UA, and both boys were hoping desperately that you would just disappear although they never completely vocalized they didn’t want you with them

Midoriya would just shy away from the subject and flinch slightly when you would join his new friend group

Bakugou would grunt and give you a hard glare, but you always thought it was normal

“Hey Midoriya what are you planning on doing this weekend?” Tsuyu asked while walking to the lunch table

“I think we are going down to the beach for a bonfire on Saturday,” he shrugged as they took their seats

Running up to him and hugging him from behind, “Midoriya! What are you planning on doing this Saturday?” you asked excitedly wanting to give him a present you have been working on for the last couple of weeks

“I um, I’m going to the beach with my mother this weekend...” He trailed off glancing at Uraraka and Tsuyu across the table who gave him an unease look

“Oh...okay I will give it to you another time then,” You released his shoulders before heading towards Bakugou’s table to see if you could also give him his present

“Bakugou!”

“What is it Black Magic?...” The ashen blonde huffed looking towards Mina for help

“What are you doing on Saturday?” you quipped your somewhat happy attitude back

“I’m going to be down at the beach training like normal,” He rolled his eyes but was tense under your touch

“Hmm I guess I will just give it to you another time then...” You left him alone and went outside

Little did you know that the class was actually holding a party and didn’t want you there

That Saturday rolled around and you were alone scrolling through Facebook, which you only had two friends on

Refreshing the page you saw that Midoriya and Bakugou were tagged in the same photo

“What the...” your frustration was getting the better of you

Enlarging the photo you saw that it was the entire class having a party/bonfire on the beach

Everyone seemed to be laughing and dancing; you weren’t laughing

Fingernails digging into your palms until they bled with angry tears falling down your face you slammed the computer shut

The following Monday you confronted both of them before class started

In the midst of them trying to shove you off they pushed up your long sleeved shirt revealing all of the carved letters and cuts

Everything stopped you could hear a pin drop

You couldn’t handle the stares and whispers so you ran

However the two you considered friends had enough of you and decided to make it clear to you

They unfriended you

Noticing that you were all alone again you took action

“I’m not going to be the weak person they make me out to be...”

Collecting the things for your black mirror ritual, the sketches, rope and your phone you got ready

Pressing the record button you started with holding up the pictures

You didn’t say anything, they weren’t worth your words

Taking out the matches you lit one on fire and then the next

Dropping them onto the floor you got on the chair

Adjusting the noose you looked into the camera

“You both did this”

The camera caught you kicking the chair out from underneath you as you were consumed in flames

The entire video you recorded had Bakugou and Midoriya tagged in it, the two you once called friends

Getting the familiar ding they pulled out their phones before class

You tagged them in a video

The video played back the events and they were shocked

They watched you die

Freaked out they showed the video to Aizawa and Principal Nezu

They were told to delete the video and their accounts

They tried only to receive and error

After both boys got the error the your video was shared on their pages for everyone to see

Aizawa walked into the class with them trailing behind before they headed to their seats

“Your classmate (L/N) died last night.”

Whispers floated around the room

Midoriya had his eyes locked to his desktop and Bakugou looked out the window

Strange things started occurring a few days after your death

A student who went to the same middle school as you was found in critical condition with burns everywhere

When the student woke up in intensive care the police and Pros were there to here her statement

“Th-the house... it was on fire...”

They assumed she just meant her house

Little did they know it was hers; the fire started inside of a mirror on her wall

She saw a dark figure light a house on fire before making her way closer to the girl

Moving between mirrors/reflections to your next victim you planned things accordingly, and would work your way up the chain until you had your revenge

More students from Bakugou and Midoriya’s past were getting hurt and they were freaking out, because there were no leads as to what was going on

It was evening and Uraraka was studying with only her lamp on for light when it flickered and went out

Startled the brunette looked around the room until she saw her reflection in her computer

Thinking there was a smudge she tried rubbing at it

Removing her hand from laptop she saw a dark shadow walk up behind her

Turning around a piercing scream ripped through her throat

You were behind her with grey eyes that wanted nothing but revenge on those who wronged you

Opening your mouth a swarm of locusts went after Uraraka biting at any exposed skin

Hearing the scream throughout the dorm some of class 1-A went to check

Bursting through her door and flicking the light on they saw Uraraka in the fetal position on the floor

When the lights flicked on you disappeared along with the locusts

“Uraraka! Are you okay?” Tsuyu was the first into the room to check on her friend

“Lets get her to the hospital,” Yaoyorozu ushered as Kirishima and Sero picked her up

On the way out Uraraka’s hand grabbed Bakugou’s wrist tightly

“I-it was them...” she breathed out with wide scared eyes

Everyone paused and looked at the frightened girl

You witnessed everything behind your mirror before disappearing into another glass, eyes burning with a deep rooted hatred

“Bakugou,” Midoriya grabbed his wrist, “how do we stop (Y/N)? They are attacking everyone we are friends with!”

“No shit you dumb ass,” He huffed holding his hand to his chin contemplating the situation, “they’re targeting everyone who bullied them...”

Both boys looked at each other with widened eyes as they realized who would be targeted

Everyone on their friends list was someone who bullied you before at least once

Things seemed to stop for a bit when they went to the training camp at least that’s what it seemed

After Bakugou was captured you showed up again right outside the bar, your reflection in the glass outside in the alley way

Making your way to where Bakugou tried escaping you unleashed hell

“Bakugou!” your piercing shriek echoed over the clearing

Bakugou and the small band of villains turned to look at your retched form walk towards them

Some of the villains tried stopping you but you flicked your wrist at them sending them flying away from you; not once did you take your eyes off the blonde

“What do you want from me-us?!” Bakugou shouted palms sparking in anticipation

“I want you to suffer the same way I did for years! Being alone with no one to rely on, not even a friend,” you opened your mouth wide releasing a storm of locusts to the unsuspecting blonde

Using his quirk he was able to keep them at bay, and escaped with the help of Kirishima and the others

You screamed in frustration as they got away, but that was short lived as Kamui Woods restrained you and knocked you out

The Pros at the scene took a look at you and recognized you from the missing persons report, they knew you committed suicide but there wasn’t a body to be found

You were sent to the hospital with limbs bounded and gagged, precautions had to be taken since you were still seen as a threat

“You two can come in now” Bakugou and Midoriya looked upon your body that was illuminated in just candle light

“How did you figure out what that candle light would keep her from disappearing?” Bakugou asked leaning up against the wall not wanting to get close to you

“We remembered from Uraraka’s testimony that she disappeared when the lights turned on so we tested different light sources and candle light seems to work the best” one of the detectives stated, “it’s also light enough that she can’t disappear into any reflections.”

“Why are we here?” Midoriya was nervous being in the same room as your sedated body

“We need to know if you know anything about her state, or what would have allowed her do this after being... well dead.” It wasn’t a question and both boys knew it

“(Y/N) used to stare at a small mirror for hours when we were younger, and the room would always be dark...” Midoriya reflected thinking back to when you were younger

“Good, if you think of anything else call us, he handed them a card, “We will start looking through the burned remains of (Y/N) residence.”

“Oh the and they woke up earlier, but refused to say anything that might be helpful to this situation,” the detective sighed pinching the bridge of his nose, “the only thing they said when waking up were both your names.”

Alarmed both heads whipped to look at the detective

“What?!”

“They might talk to both of you. We will bug the room and leave so they doesn’t suspect anything,” setting up the microphone the detective pat both boys shoulders before exiting

“Oh and don’t worry (Y/N) is strapped down to the bed under the blankets,” the detective tried giving them an encouraging smile and thumbs up before exiting

Once the door closed your eyes opened wide and you gasped for air as if you hadn’t been breathing

Struggling against the restraints you cried out

“H-hi...” Midoriya tried and your wide eyes narrowed dangerously as you eyed the traitors

Jaw clenched tightly shut and deathly grey eyes bored into both visitors

Bakugou tried putting on a brave front, but lets be real you looked like you had been dead for years

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You abandoned me! You used me and lied to me!” you finally snapped going back to struggling against the straps

Back arching up off the bed you struggled

This freaked the boys out even more, you looked so much like a demon (you were) trying to fight against an exorcist

Truth was you were, they found the mirror under some burnt remains and the demon inside you was trying to hold onto your body

Screaming and writhing, head shaking back and forth you dropped back on to the table

Eyes blank and looking at the ceiling

Slowly your physical appearance began to revert back to normal

Walking up to the edge of your bed Midoriya spoke up, “We are sorry... for everything.”

Slowly tilting your head to look at them you sucked in a deep breath, “No.”

Confusion washed over Midoriya and anger over Bakugou

“What do you mean no?” Bakugou glared down at your body

“It’s exactly as it sounds,” you still managed to posses a menacing glare

“What do we have to do for your forgiveness?” Midoriya pressed further hoping that if you forgave them then everything would go back to being somewhat normal

“I won’t ever forgive either of you! Do you know what you even did? Are you trying to get over your guilty conscious?” your accusations cut them deeply and you knew that you hit them on the nail

“You are both monsters! So I did something I knew you would both fear, being alone,” you still being magical summoned a scalpel to your hand from the counter top and sliced through the ropes holding you down

Standing you face them with scalpel in hand

Both boys activated their quirks in case you decided to hurt them

Pushing up the night gown sleeves you showed them your scars

“You pushed me to this!” you cried tears pouring down your face

“I only wanted to be friends with you both and you pushed me away!”

Stepping forward Midoriya tried setting his hand on your shoulder hoping to comfort you, but you stepped away angrily shaking your head

“No, no, no... NO!” glaring at them you pointed the medical tool at them but didn’t advance

“We want to help you...maybe even start over?” Bakugou tried reasoning sharing a small glance with Midoriya

The glance didn’t go unnoticed by you

“No. Anything is better than being friends with either of you. Death is better than being friends with you!” ugly sobs wretched through your body as you raised a hand in the direction of the counter top

Every drop of magic in your body you used to collect sharp medical tools and items

The boys started wide-eyed as you turned the instruments in your direction

Turning your outstretched hand into a fist you closed your eyes

Screaming was heard from the room, and the detectives outside ran into the room

The scream wasn’t yours, it was the two UA students

They were speckled in your blood as it pooled out around your body

Your body lying limply on the floor and impaled in various places

Your death was instant

“Oh dear God...” the two detectives breathed before one ushered the boys out

“Sir we have a problem...”

#dvoz-writes #friend request #black mirror ritual #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #midoriya x reader x bakugou #mha #mha fanfiction #mha fanfic #requests for dvoz

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fairycosmos · 5 years

Note

hey so im 17 and i have a lot of acne on my face and stuff and like. a lot of it is bc im very anxious so i end up picking at my face and sometimes i don’t have enough energy to shower/wash my face as much as i should and i Know celebrities aren’t a fair metric but like.......i realized that im really one of the only girls in my grade that still has bad acne?? and i just feel. ugly?? my face is always cover it acne and red spots?? like i don’t think other people w acne are ugly but. hhhhh.

hey man me too!! i have pretty bad acne on my face/sometimes on my shoulders and i completely understand how much it can impact your self esteem. the main cause of it is probably your hormones since you’re 17 and they’re still out of wack, you know? it’s really a very common, every day thing. it’s probably going to calm down as you get older. while it may seem like the other girls in your year have it all figured out, they’re dealing with puberty and adolescence in the same way that you are. you only see a very surface level impressions of their lives, so comparison is pointless. but look, if you’re noticing small details in your routine that you know you need to improve upon, then using that self awareness and actually acting on it is the next step. obviously acne is literally nothing to be ashamed of at all, and it’s as normal as body hair and moles and other natural human occurrences. but if it’s having a massively negative effect on your mental well being, then that’s the only reason you should want to work on it - as a form of self care. do a little bit of research about the type of skin that you have. once you know, see if you can try out a cleansing solution that works for your skin. dont use harsh or heavily scented products. you have may have to try out a few different things to find a good one. see if you can get into some sort of routine. it literally can begin with doing it once a week, and sometimes you may not even manage that, and that’s alright. as long as you’re trying, you’re doing well enough. if that feels like too much, maybe you could try facial cleansing wipes instead, they’re significantly more convenient. and idk what the healthcare situation is like where you live, but asking your doctor to refer you to a dermatologist is also an option you could consider with your parents, if that’s at all possible. i’m thinking of doing it myself. seeing a specialized consultant and taking personalized advice can do wonders, you know? the only other manageable thing is your diet. try your best to make healthy choices and make the conscious choice to drink more water.

it’s very cool that you can recognize that acne doesn’t make others ugly. you can use that to understand on a more realistic level that it doesn’t detract from your looks, either. if you’re prone to low self confidence, then your mind will amplify the problem and make it into a bigger deal than it actually is. while i think it’s completely pointless to worry about beauty when it’s such a subjective and fleeting thing, when it doesn’t have anything to do with who you are, i completely understand why you feel the way you do. because i’m in the same boat. and i hate myself for hating the way i look, but i still do. and it’s because we’ve both been conditioned into believing in a completely unobtainable ideal, right? that’s just the truth. so if we can accept that fact, then we can realize that there is always going to be something we’re unhappy with when it comes to our bodies. because that’s what we’re taught, so they can make money off of our self hatred. you could have perfect skin and you’d still have insecurities. you can try all of the things i listed above, and still have acne. so my point is, a stable sense of self love/self appreciation has to transcend your body and the way it looks. this is deeper than your skin. to find true comfort you have to actively work on being okay with who you are every day. use self affirmations, notice all of your good traits and the fact that they haven’t disappeared just cause you have spots. try not to commodify yourself and your body. you’re not for consumption, you don’t owe the world a level of perfection that isn’t even real. you know there’s no wrong way to exist. so, try to practice complete self acceptance in the quiet moments you spend alone. even if you feel stupid doing it at first. you can have acne and still look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. next time you stare at your reflection, try to find three positive things about it. force yourself to. fight the urge to fixate on something that is out of your hands. as a side note, it’s also always good to remember that we focus on our own flaws 1000x more than anyone else does. it’s definitely more noticeable to you than it is to others. they’re too busy worried about themselves, and how they look, just like you are.

i think it’s also worth noting that the two things you’re worried about - not having the motivation to wash your face, and picking at your skin - are symptoms of more serious, complex issues that you need to get help with before you worry about anything else. of course, idk the details of what’s going on and i’m not trying to assume anything. but when you’re dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil/mental stress, and you’re keeping it all bottled up inside, it’s very common for it to manifest in physical habits/ticks. you need to confront the root causes of your anxiety/your mental exhaustion, because the rest is just a symptom of that. get to the heart of the problem, instead of trying to deal with the consequences of it first. if you haven’t done so already, i’d really recommend talking to your doctor or maybe a school counselor or your parents about what’s happening. i know it sounds like the worst idea in the world, and i know it feels a lot more complex than that, but you genuinely don’t have to deal with this all by yourself. your brain wants you to believe that you need to stay quiet so you’re easier to control, but in reality, that’s not the case. there is support available. there is a way to make this all feel lighter, and to cope in a healthier way. and yeah, it’s a bit embarrassing to talk about what’s going on in your head. you dont even have to want to do it. you just have to try to accept it as a viable option. please don’t let your head talk you out of considering it, okay? you can’t control the circumstances you find yourself in but you honestly can control how you cope with them. anyway i’m sorry this is so long and i really hope you’re able to find some confidence and peace of mind soon. you deserve it. let me know if you need a friend or someone to talk to, i’ll be here.

#i used 2 care so much about my acne and i still do but it's like. there's only so much you can do so. now What #i'm sorry this is a whole novel by the way you can just read it in fragments if u want !#anon

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emiliios · 5 years

Text

TW: DRUGS, ADDICTION, DEATH.

- ̗̀✰ •【 CHRIS WOOD / CISMALE / 29 】announcing the arrival of his royal highness, ( EMILIO DE COIMBRA ), the ( PRINCE ) of ( PORTUGAL ). I’ve heard that he is ( STUBBORN ) & ( FACETIOUS ) but can also be ( PASSIONATE ) & ( LOYAL ). ( EMILIO ) is arranged to marry ( TATIANA ROMANOV ). Rumor has it ( HE IS ADDICTED TO COCAINE ). We hope you enjoy your stay at London!

sup bbys it’s riley again ( i also play christian and tomás ) and we r back w yet ANOTHER sad boy ™ , emilio AKA MILO, however this one is on a REDEMPTION ARC. MARK MY WORDS. we r in for a wild ride. as always. a pretty damn lengthy intro post underneath the cut. and as always, GIVE THIS POST A LIKE or slide into my tumblr ims / discord dms for some plot ho™ action thnx

BACKSTORY ! tw: drugs, addiction, death.

( read more about the de coimbras here !! elle did such a fanfabtastic job )

long story short, milo was close with his family, but not super close. he loved his parents and his siblings a lot, but never really showed it; would protect his siblings at all costs but never told them everything. sort of like a semi-close but not too-close kind of vibe there.

he was very close with his father, though -- despite their arguments about staying out late or getting in with the wrong people sometimes, he really looked up to his father. he respected the shit out of him for marrying out of love and not for political reasons, and always thought that just maybe he could do the same. but ofc, that future was not for him (OR WAS IT ....... stay tuned).

being the second oldest, he was expected to have responsibilities, but he never had the burden of knowing that he would have to lead a country ( that is, until now ). he had a weird relationship with his duties before pedro fell into his coma; knowing his status as a member of the royal family, he had things he had to do, but sort of skirted by and did the bare minimum. he’d attend galas, meet other royals, uphold a certain standard of himself, but other than that, he felt as though he had free reigns over what else he wanted to do with his life. that typically meant going out with his friends, traveling to the south of france for a weekend with his friends, etc. he wasn’t too rowdy as a teenager, but he dabbled in some drugs here and there. nothing too serious.

TW: DEATH. BUT THEN his father died when he was 23 and out of college, working as a manager for some international nonprofit, he spiraled out of control for a while.

and by that i meant he would go out and go like sicko mode version of his old life, like full send on drugs and partying and completely neglecting his duties as a royal. he got shit from his family and his siblings but he found even more that there was no reason to worry that much about his duties n shit.

the one bright spot in his life from age 23-present day was tatiana. o boy did he fall hard when he met her at age 26, almost got control of his life again with her in it. he was seriously in love w her but of course, his whole mindset of not giving a shit wasn’t really cutting it and he was probably not the best boyfriend LET ALONE someone that another royal should be betrothed to / associated with, so they broke it off after about two years.

TW: DRUGS, ADDICTION. the six months between his break-up with tatiana and pedro’s accident that put him in a coma was probably milo’s all time low. he went through a phase where he’d sleep around trying to get over her, this was also the time when he really got hooked on cocaine. he’d do it to try and feel something, and really spiraled to his absolute lowest. royal family negligence was at an all time high. real low point for my dude right here.

flash-forward to pedro’s accident, about six months ago -- it turned milo’s entire life upside-down. he was now the crowned prince, the one who would have to rule a country. he realized how much responsibility he would have to carry, without either of his parents or his older brother to help him. he started to turn things around -- cut out the partying, the sleeping around, the excessive drinking. he started to realize how vulnerable a human life was, realizing that his father’s passing and his brother’s accident were real, not just flukes, and his entire outlook on life changed.

he wanted to be good. he wanted to be good enough to be a role model for his younger siblings just like pedro had been for him; he wanted to be a leader that the portuguese people would stand behind and support, but he knew he had a long way to go.

TW: ADDICTION. he continues to put in a lot of good work to improve his character, his habits, his relationship with his family, and his royal duties. however, there still exist a few flaws: the fact that milo never wanted to be king or ever rule a country still weighs down in his heart, and he still harbors a bit of resentment toward carlotta for indirectly pushing this life on him, but also, deep down, he knows that without this push, he would still be in a very dark hole. second, due to the immense amount of sudden pressure pushed onto him, milo still frequently uses cocaine and needs it to relieve himself of pressures.

PERSONALITY !

milo is definitely outgoing and has a witty sense of humor. the fact that he was sort of a black sheep made him have a bit of a self-deprecating of humor at times in his life, but it shows that he is actually pretty self-aware as well.

milo is friendly; despite not really wanting to have a royal title, especially not that of ‘crown prince’, he does like getting to know people, and in a lot of cases, that means other royals. however, get on his bad side or annoy him, and he’ll be cold or aggressive.

milo is emotional, but doesn’t really show it. he bottles up a lot of his emotions and lets them out by himself, but we’ll all be damned if he ever cried in front of maybe more than like 1 person. while he is self-aware about a lot of things, he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions sometimes.

milo was a bit cynical, but has been wanting to change. he used to think that every man was out for himself, but having come into a leadership role, he sees different perspectives better now.

milo is a little impatient, but he’s working on it. he’s really working on it 1!!!!!!!!!

TIDBITS !

milo is called milo only by his close friends and family; he still goes by emilio regularly.

milo is really into astronomy; often times while drunk / high / neglecting responsibilities, he’d find himself staring at the stars in the garden. he likes studying constellations. it’s cool and it’s his little nerdy thing.

milo is pansexual; doesn’t really care for gender or sex and probably discovered this during college or something.

milo really is into action movies. like fast and the furious or something. i don’t really know other action movies.

milo learned how to play guitar, probably when he was really high or something. he’s actually pretty good. probably used it to woo women at some point, but deep down it’s one of very few things that can calm him down.

AESTHETIC ! tw: alcohol.

well-fitted sweaters, headphones around his neck, expensive watches, pen ink stains, a neat desk, rock music, star maps, spearmint gum, speaking three languages in the same sentence, old cartoons, faded tanlines, smokey cologne, dark chocolate.

POTENTIAL PLOTS ! tw: drugs, alcohol, addiction.

previous friends / party buddies, people who milo used to hang around in some of his more crazy points of his life -- people who could do lines with him, who would travel recklessly around the world with him, who probably fed into his ‘fuck royal duties’ kind of thing. he probably cut ties eventually when he realized how stupid it was to be doing all these things ( about six months ago ); things could be tense now.

childhood friends, people who maybe were of similar age and who attended different royal gatherings together. preferably friends who grew up together and sort of got up to shenanigans.

former friends, probably someone of similar age and take their royal duties more seriously. when milo began to fall into a more carefree lifestyle, perhaps they didn’t agree with his life choices and their friendship fell through.

exes / flings, probably a handful of them. given that he’s charismatic and outgoing, he’s likely to charm his way to a person’s heart if he takes interest in them / they take interest in him. him being facetious and not taking things as seriously as he should, things probably ended if / when it was expected for the relationship to be long-term or serious.

good influence, someone who sees the potential in milo’s turn in perspective and may tutor him in royal tricks, or is trying to help him get off the rails finally ( bonus: they’ve seen him do coke and are subtley trying to him him get his shit together there )

literally ? anything ? hit me the fuck up once again LIKE THIS or dm me on tumblr/discord and lets get some P L O T S goin my dudes

#buckingham:intro #intro post.#tw drugs #tw addiction #tw death #tw alcohol #anyhow this took way longer than i thought #y? bc i always write intro posts that are way too long #anyhow I'LL BE on in the morning 2 do more replies and write starters

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studylizziee · 6 years

Text

How I prepared for the BMAT

Someone sent me an ask wanting advice for the BMAT, so I did this post. Bear in mind my very average results (which you can see here) when deciding whether to take my advice! Hope it’s helpful x

Scoring System

There are 3 sections in the BMAT. The first two are marked on a scale of 1-9 (9 being the highest). It’s designed so that an average candidate (who by definition will be academically very able) will get approximately 50% of the marks, which translates to 5.0 on the scale. Any score above 6.0 is really good! Section 3 is an essay task marked in two parts. The first is a score between 1-5 (5 being the highest) for ‘quality of content’. The second is a letter between E-A (A being the highest) for ‘quality of written English’.

So I would say aim to get around a 5.0 or higher on the first 2 sections, and a 3A or higher in Section 3. Now, on to my tips!

General

First things first, make sure you get to know the format of the exam:

Written test, 2 hours long

Section 1: Aptitude and Skills (1 hour, 35 multiple choice questions

Section 2: Scientific Knowledge (30 mins, 27 multiple choice questions)

Section 3: Writing Task (30 mins, 1 question)

With preparation, the sooner the better honestly. I started doing some loose prep about 7-8 weeks before, then starting doing past papers about 4 weeks before, but I felt really unprepared so I would recommend leaving more time.

You aren’t allowed a calculator so practise some mental maths!

There is a specification and a ton of past papers, so there’s lots of material out there to use in your prep.

Section 1

this section is all about critical thinking and problem solving

I found it pretty similar to the UKCAT Verbal Reasoning and Quantitative Reasoning sections, so if you’ve done the UKCAT you’ll find that helpful!

for critical thinking, questions include: what the conclusion is, where the flaw in the argument is, what statement strengthens a particular argument, and what is an assumption of the text

it’s really all in the wording – look out for small words like ‘some’, ‘many’, ‘all’ or ‘no’ that completely change the meaning of the statement

for questions about compatibility: if nothing contradicts the statement, even if nothing directly supports it, it is compatible

problem solving involves a lot of maths type questions involving patterns, spacial awareness e.g. sides of a 3D shape, etc

make sure you’re on it with these basic maths skills: times tables(!), percentage increase/decreases, converting between fractions/decimals/percentages, interpreting graphs/tables of data, probabilities, ratios

with more wordy problems you can use algebra to help solve them

you have to work fast, but it’s not as time-pressured as Section 2 so breathe, you can do this!

also, TSA Oxford papers are really similar (although in my opinion slightly easier) to Section 1 so do those past papers if you want some extra practice

Section 2

this section is testing biology, chemistry, physics, and maths

on the BMAT website, they say it’s GCSE level maths and science. But from experience, I found that it was more like AS level

don’t panic though because there is an assumed knowledge guide which you can access for free online, which is like a CGP revision guide

the hardest thing about this section is the timing - it’s literally impossible to devote the amount of time you need to every question

soo if you’re spending too long on a question, GUESS AND MOVE ON

honestly, the best skill you can learn for this section is to quickly figure out which questions will take longer and which you can answer quickly

also, use BBC Bitesize because it explains concepts really well and concisely

Physics

don’t freak out if you’re not doing A Level Physics – most people aren’t so we’re all in the same boat. What I did whenever I was stuck was just ask one of my friends doing A Level Physics to help me, or you could ask a Physics teacher for help

there are LOTS of formulae that you really must learn – here’s a pic from my revision of the ones I learned

KEY:

F = force

m = mass

a = acceleration

v = velocity (and once volume)

V = voltage

h = height

g = gravity

W = weight

P = power

I = current

E = energy

R = resistance

Q = charge

t = time

c = speed of light

n = turns on primary/secondary coil of transformer

d = density

ws = wavespeed

f = frequency

lamda = wavelength

the most common topics that come up so you should be solid on are: electricity, energy/forces, the atom/radioactivity

Biology

genetic tree diagrams almost always come up

the questions are mostly human biology, and a lot of it is factual recall, so I found it’s not as hard as the other sciences

Chemistry

make sure you’re really clued up on the periodic table (e.g. isotopes) and periodic trends

there are quite a few calculation type questions so make sure to practise mole conversions etc, and mental maths again

Maths

make sure you know how to manipulate fractions, do speed sums, and do algebra

Section 3

a lot of people worry about writing an ‘essay’, but in reality all in needs to be is 3 or 4 paragraphs

there isn’t actually that much space to write as you are limited to an A4 page, within the box which is considerably smaller

there are 3 questions to choose from, and I would really recommend spending a solid 2 or 3 minutes picking a question

for each title, there are sub questions, and you MUST address all of these in order to get a 3 or higher for ‘quality of content’

it’s really really important to PLAN!

brain dump ideas for, against, and to conclude. Expand on each of your points to form a PEE type structure (point, evidence, explanation)

organisation: it’s SO important to have a clear structure. Usually I would do:

good things about argument I don’t agree with

bridge explaining why I don’t agree with that argument

argument I do agree with

conclusion summarising merits of both but ultimately why I took my position

practise at first by planning essays if you can’t be bothered to write it out every time (like me aha), then do some timed essays on the actual answer sheet

have a look at the mark scheme

Overall

The best way you can find out what you need to learn is to

check the specification

do some practice questions

Although there are lots of past papers, there are no explanations for the answers. I highly recommend paying for BMAT Ninja, which has worked solutions so you can figure out where you went wrong and learn from your mistakes (don’t worry if you can’t afford it – they have a bursary scheme that you can use)

Ultimately for this exam you just have to practise – do as many past papers as possible, starting off by just working through the questions, then building up to timed papers.

Useful resources

the official BMAT website

the specification

section 2 assumed knowledge guide

past papers going back to 2003!

also, TSA papers for section 1

a book called Preparing for the BMAT that I found helpful

BMAT Ninja and one of its creators, Ali Abdaal, has made a series of YouTube videos giving advice

The BMAT by @joolshallie

Tips for the BMAT by @help-im-a-medstudent

#mine #bmat #bmat tips #medblr #medical school #applying to medical school #my tips #studyblr #studyspo #study blog #studivation

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