#im rambling but i couldnt stop thinking about this today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artificialbreezy · 1 month

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okay so theoretically,,, idek if Matt smokes but i can’t stop thinking abt like,, fwb!Matt who shares his weed but only if you earn it. getting you to ride his thigh, praising you for being so good for him. talking you through it, one hand on your hip to guide you, the other pulling up your shirt so he can leave marks across your chest. he doesn’t even care if you’re making a mess on his pants, they can be washed, but the memory of you getting yourself off, using him to come undone? he could die a happy man

i am simply perishing

girl i’m fucking DEAD over this thought

i’m sorry i’m a sucker for fwb to lovers so don’t mind me

CW: poorly written smut, mentions of drug use (just weed but still), pet names, kinda filthy language, a lil bit of daddy kink bc Matt is in fact daddy. sorry LOL, no actual p in v smut just me rambling really and poorly written smutty themes (im trying bro)

NSFW below the cut ◡̈

but maybe there was a rule of no kissing. kissing equals feelings ya know? so that’s the big rule. like he doesn’t mind kissing your neck down to your chest, but the face? off limits. until today. he’s tired of hiding how feels. he just wants you to be his. he’s tired of people staring at you when you’re in public and his friends making comments about how hot you are. he knows it all. he knows he said no strings attached, but after a year of sleeping together and hanging out all the time he couldn’t help it. so when he woke up that morning and sent you the “hey, wanna come smoke with me?” text, he knew something was gonna happen. he knew he was either reading the situation wrong and this was gonna end the relationship or he was not reading the situation wrong and he’s gonna walk away with a partner.

he was pulled away from his thoughts when he heard his front door open and saw you walk in. “hey dollface.” he smiled towards you. “hi Matty” you blushed his way. you'd think after everything you two had done you wouldn't be so nervous around the man in front of you. You couldn't help it. after the year you've really gotten to know Matt, you couldn't help but feel a certain way. you couldnt help but want to make him happy, you lived to hear his praise. whether that's in his bedroom or around all your friends. you just wanted him to be proud of you. to look at you like you were the only person around, but he said at the very beginning "no strings, honey. you can do that right?" and as much as it hurt to know at any moment he could call it quits, you were just happy to have him in some capacity.

Matt was in front of you with his hands on your waist before you had time to get out of your head. "I have a preroll with your name on it, if you want it of course. you know I'll never force you into it." you chuckled a little, "have I ever told you no before?" he pulled your face to his, lips brushing against yours ever so gently. "never, cause you're my good girl huh?" you nodded against his lips. too scared that if you spoke, he'd move away from you. scared that maybe you were imagining his lips against yours. like this was all some dream. it wasn't until Matt closed the slight gap between the two of you that you realized he was doing this. he broke his rule. there were strings, pulling you to each other and this was proof.

Matt was pulling you towards his couch while his mouth was on yours and his hands traveling down your body until he landed on your ass. he pulled away for a spilt second, just long enough to fall back and pat his lap, signaling you to have a seat. you crawled into his lap, your legs on either side of him. he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to your lips before he spoke up. "I want you, no. I need you to show me something. can you do that for me baby?" nodding, you said "anything you want Matt." "I need you to show me how badly you need me. I need to know how you feel. I need to feel you make a mess all over my pants. I need you to show me what you need."

His hands were on your hips, guiding you against his thigh. "come on, baby. need to hear how good you feel. how good I'm making you feel. when I'm not even inside you." whimpering as you picked up speed, chasing a high you were desperate to feel. "daddy.." "oh there she is, come on sweet girl. I know you want to. can you be my best girl? can you give daddy what he wants?" you nodded vigorously. “uh huh. uh huh anything you want.” “that’s a good girl. I know you’re close. give me what I want and i’ll make it worth your while angel.” that was enough to push you over the edge. Matt helped move your hips once he saw your body stutter so he could help you ride out your high. you slowly stopped, leaning your head against Matt’s shoulder trying to catch your breath.

“sweetheart, we gotta talk about some things.” Matt rubbed your back as he spoke. you nodded against him, scared of what he was going to say to you now. “i’d like to take you on a date, kiss you a bunch more times because now that i’ve gotten a taste i don’t think i can go back and hold your hand in public. if you’ll let me of course.” you didn’t answer him, not trusting your voice. you sat up, grabbed the boys face and connected your lips once again.

#matt dierkes x reader #matt dierkes smut #matt dierkes #matt dierkes headcannon #matt dierkes blurb #bad omens smut #bad omens headcanons #bad omens blurb

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kindnessisweakness2 · 10 months

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Delusional -Part 22

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Delaney questioned Alex as he stood from the table and made his way towards her. “Ah Ah Ah...” He sarcastically wagged his finger at her. “Wow, Teller really has re lit the fire in you. Think your untouchable?” He challenged her, the look in his eye begging her to say something, to fight back. "Your Mom called me. She wants me to take you back. Begged me pretty much.” Delaney scowled at him. “What is it you want Alex? Im done playing this fucking game with you.” Alex smirked at her. “Isnt it obvious? I want you dead. i just want to enjoy fucking with you first. By the time im done you’ll be begging me for death. It’ll be a mercy.” Tears stung at Delaneys eyes. "Why? What have I done to deserve this, any of it?" Alex studied the broken woman in front of him. She looked tired and scared. Part of him debated just giving in and killing her quickly. Maybe he had put her through enough. But despite any reason he could think of to give her mercy, he knew he wouldn't be fully satisfied until he had her blood on his hands. Soaking in his skin, the spray of it coating his face. Oh he couldn't explain how bad he craved it. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Pointing the gun at her again he nudged his head towards the door. “Get rid of them. If you say anything, hint at anything being wrong i will kill them and you.” Delaney shuffled towards the door with Alex at her back, digging the barrell of the gun into her side. She was trying her best to stay calm, but all she wanted to do was break down. Let it all out, the screams, the tears. Fear and Anger weighed heavy on her chest. Opening the door just enough to pop her head out, her worried eyes fell on Halfsack. Trying to keep a neutral face, but secretly hoping he would notice something off and tell Jax, Delaney managed a small smile. “Hey, Jax sent me just to check on you, Make sure you didnt need anything. I know you guys arent in the best place right now, but he cares Ya’know.” Kip started to Ramble. Delaney’s eyes filled with tears she couldnt stop. Clearing her throat trying to move the fast growing lump, she tried not to think that this would possibly be the last time she laid eyes on someone in her family. If she knew yesterday would be the last time she saw Jax, she wouldnt of wasted it arguing. The issue of Tara seemed stupid now. Now that today would be her last day. Tried not to think of their little baby tucked away in her belly, another one they wont get the chance to raise. Death would be a blessing in that regard, she wouldnt have to feel the pain of losing another child. “I-Im Fine. Thank you. P-Please tell Jax, that i love him, m-more than a-anything.” Halfsack smiled but looked at his VP’s old Lady quizzically. She was weird,But he couldnt put his finger on it. Is this what pregnancy hormones does to women? Kip nodded at her anyway and started to head back towards his bike. “Oh and Kip?” He turned as she called. “Please can you tell him I’m Sorry?” Kip couldnt hide the confused look on his face but before he could question what she was sorry for the door was shut. Getting on his bike, He headed straight towards Gemma’s. He couldnt shake the feeling something was off.

“Jax i think you need to go home.” Halfsack walked straight into Gemmas Kitchen, finding his VP sat at the table drinking a coffee. He looked like he had been up all night with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Is she okay?” Gemma questioned worriedly. The last thing her son needed was anything to happen to Delaney and the baby. “Shes weird, i dont know how to explain it. Somethings off Jax. She said to tell you she loves you more than anything, but she was all stuttery and was trying to stop herself from crying. And then i was about to leave she called my name and said to tell you she was sorry.” Kip really couldnt explain the panicked feeling it left him with, but he needed Jax to go home. “So do you think she was just upset about the argument we had? Crying is normal right? Shes pregnant and hormonal.” Jax tried to think logically. Maybe Halfsack was overthinking this. “No baby, i think we should go check on her. If he thinks something is off, its worth checking out. Shes been through alot recently, lets just go make sure she is fine.” Jax nodded at his mother. He didnt want to wait till Monday to go home anyway. This thing with Tara was sorted, he’s handled it, so he was hoping they could move on. He could go home and start getting ready for their little miracle baby. Their boy. Even thinking about the baby made a smile stretch on his face. The three of them. Their own little family. Grabbing his Kutte, Jax followed his mom out the door and headed to his bike. He was going home.

There were many times in her life that Delaney pictured her death. Planned it, hoped for it even. Part of her always knew Alex would one day be the cause of it. But one thing she didnt imagine, was that it would happen in Jax’s house. There she was, on her knees infront of Alex, in Jax’s living room. Gun only a few inches from her forehead. 1 Shot. Clean. Execution Style. Thats all it would take, and she would no longer exist. Would Jax be the one to find her? No, she didnt want that image left for him. She didnt want him to see her like that. It would haunt him. How long would he wait before seeking comfort from another woman? Would it be Tara’s arms he fell back into? She hoped not. But the thought of him running to a crow eater for comfort didnt make her feel any better. She could see the front door in her peripheral vision, like it was taunting her. Her only escape route and she couldnt take it. A punch to the side of the head brought her out of her thoughts. Fuck. “Are you even listening?” Alex spat at her. She winced as pain shot down her face and through her jaw. “Yeah, some shit about your gonna kill me. Leave my body for Jax. Whatever. I told you earlier. Im done with your games. You wanna kill me? Get it fucking over with.” Another smack split her cheek and had her seeing stars. Her ears were ringing with the force of the smack and she blinked hard trying to come to her senses. She heard the safety click off on the gun and her stomach dropped. “Are you gonna cry?” He taunted. Gritting her teeth, Delaney looked forward. Was she fuck going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her panic. No if she was being taken from this earth, she was doing it swinging. She was fighting. She wasnt going to make it easy for this bastard. “Any Last words my love?” He grinned as he looked down at her. So scared, but trying to be so strong. He could see it in her eyes, the fear, and he would be lying if he said it didnt make him happy. “Yeah, I hope that Jax tortures you before he kills you. I hope he hurts you so fucking bad. Makes you cry like the pathetic little boy you really are on the inside. Theres a reason you are the way you are Alex. What is it huh? Mommy didnt love you enough? Did she not hug you? Did Daddy beat you? Was he never proud? Were you never good enough Alex Reid? Tried your hardest but never got daddy and mommy’s approval.” She could see the rage flicker in his eyes. It was working, she was getting to him. With any luck he would kill her quickly.

Pulling up to the unusually quiet house, Jax was instantly worried. Usually the music Delaney played could be heard in the street it was that loud. And if you stood at the bottom of the drive you could see her dancing and swaying about the kitchen to the beat as she cleaned or cooked. There was always movement in their home, but now it was eerily quiet. Deciding instantly they needed to be careful Jax walked to where his mom sat in her car. “Prospect was right. Somethings off. Stay here, call the rest of the guys.” Gemma’s face showed her worry instantly. “Ya’know shes probably in bed getting rest like the doctor told her yesterday. You should probably leave her alone, let her rest. The doors not smashed off, its not trashed and theres no sign of an intruder. Jax maybe give her time.” Gemma tried to reason with her son, there was no sign of anything being wrong apart from the house being quiet. Sleeping people dont make much noise. Jax shook his head as he thought about what his mom said. He had the same feeling as Halfsack now he was here. His stomach twisted painfully. He just had to see her. Once he saw with his own eyes he would know she was okay and he would leave her to rest. “Okay, your probably right. I’ll go in through the garage and just check on her.” Knowing her son wasnt going to rest until he saw her in the flesh, Gemma agreed. Lighting a cigarette, she sat back and waited for Jax to come back.

#sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction #sons of anarchy imagine #Jax Teller #jax teller fanfiction #jax teller imagine #jax teller x reader #jax teller x oc

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charliesinfern0 · 4 months

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8, 9, 15, and 16 abt any f/o you want :D

F/O Voice Asks

im sorry i couldnt use my voice, im still not very confident about it ^_^;;

8. have you ever been in denial about your feelings for an f/o?

no not really. i do sometimes feel a little embarrassed when I share that i have a new f/o (thats why some of them are secret), but im never really in denial about my feelings lol

9. what's the shortest amount of time it's taken you to f/o a character? longest?

most recently, the shortest time it took me to f/o a character is 2 days. when i first saw matthew, i thought 'oh yeah im probably gonna end up liking him', but right after i finished watching scott pilgrim takes off, i didnt really feel like that about him. but then like two days later, suddenly i was like 'wait... i do like him o///o'

the longest its taken me to f/o a character is about like 6 years. back then i got the manga that 🐙 is from, and i didnt really think much of him, until just last week i got back into reading it, and then i realized 'oh wait... i like him!!!! >///<'

15. name a song or lyric that reminds you of your f/o or ship, and why.

I Think I Like You by Donora, The Missing Piece by Forgive Durden, and Orange Shirt by Sex Bob-Omb make me think of Matthew and Juniper ^_^ (also i changed her name its Juniper Quinn/Weldings now)

I Think I Like You is from Juniper's perspective, realizing that she feels a lot better just spending time with Matthew, they dont have to be doing anything special for her to feel happy.

The Missing Piece is a musical-sounding duet song, so it makes me think of like a theatric duet that they would do lol

Orange Shirt i think is just very cute and one of my fave Sex Bob-Omb songs, so yeah :)

(also also Seventeen (Age) by Mike Krol and I Feel Fine by Sex Bob-Omb make me think of just Juniper lol. Seventeen (Age) makes me think of the really shitty relationship she had with her family (also it just sounds very scott pilgrim-y to me), and I Feel Fine makes me think of how Juniper sleeps a lot during the day and mostly only goes out at night :P (its also another one of my fave Sex Bob-Omb songs lol)

16. wildcard, just ramble about your ship!

well, today i finally got to planning out my comic for Matthew and Juniper!! im mainly really happy about the fact that i figured out how they actually meet and how to make circumstances in which they'd see eachother a bunch. basically, Matthew is in New York because Gideon called him there to tell him about the League and his fight with Scott, and he decides to visit a record/cd shop, and while he's in there he meets Juniper, who recommends him some albums, and he ends up buying all of them bc he was just so shocked by her lol. then, way later, he's walking out the the G-Man Media building after his meeting with Gideon, and he passes Juniper, and hes like !!!! and turns and tries to stop her and talk to her buts hes all nervous and cant get a word out and she's like "...?" and walks off and he sees her walk into the G-Man Media Building and is like ??? so he waits for her outside and when she comes back out she's like "so wait who are you?" and he's like "um... im matthew. matthew patel." and shes like "oh like, the matthew patel gideon just told me to meet at the Rockit?" bc like she's Gideon's assistant lol. and she's like "oh yeah im juniper quinn, but you can call me june" (or maybe she says that he can call her june later in the story when theyre closer idk) and they both go to the rockit together (they get to the Rockit from New York by using a subspace thingy btw) and she gets to watch matthew fight scott and also meets ramona maybe? idk maybe they meet later, and then juniper saves matthew from getting killed by scott, and scott recognizes her from somewhere??!!? (but he cant remember where lol), and juniper and matthew get out of there, and im not sure about what happens next, i really want to like have juniper interact with the other exes too (i really want her to be friends with all of them), but yeah thats what ive got so far for my comic ^_^

#f/o #f/o asks #f/o ask game #romantic f/o #self ship ask game

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oakey-doki · 2 years

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I know im just throwing a bunch out right now, but i just wanna get a bunch of these out for people to enjoy while i get more ideas :) ps. Im so sorry this one is a bit shorter than others 🙏

~Miguel with a talkative MC~

If you thought this man couldnt be more in love with you. He's almost always looking at you, and now that you've opened up and started talking almost non stop, he is just absolutely enamored, he thinks its way too cute just listening to you ramble about the most random things, you saw a cute dog today? He wants to hear it. You had this really good drink that you think he'd enjoy? Take him there, you saw these style of driving gloves and you wanna show him? Absolutely. He will do anything and EVERYTHING to keep you talking. He absolutely adores your voice, afterall he's all about fast lives and driving, he rareky settles down unless its with you. So of course the moments he gets with you alone, all he wants is to hear you talk. You're this man's sleep aid, he'll hum short 'mhms' and 'uh uhs' as he listens to you go on about things you thought about throughout the day. He loves that about you, and while sometimes he'll want peace and quiet he knows that you're voice is much more comfortable that pure deafening silence.

When you first started rambling to him, he had no idea you were so talkative, it made him smile way too much. He almost started laughing which got you embarrassed, because you assumed he was laughing at you, however as soon as he saw your sad expression you were quickly enveloped in hugs, kisses and "My apologies mi corazón, i wasn't trying to make you upset, you're just too cute." With that goofy smile and soft dreamy expression on his face as he holds you sooo close to his chest. He loves every second with you, and he couldn't imagine a world without your voice echoing next to him everyday of every minute of every hour.

#fictif catch me in miami #fictif fanfic #fictif cmim #fictif #fanfic #miguelsimps #miguel bravo #fictif headcanons #cmim

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gobstoppr · 2 years

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chat i lost my voice from not shutting the fuck up and being in vc a ton the past few days . so i couldnt do shit today it was so boring

i wanted to game . but i cant game for too long cuz then my hands will hate me and then its like oh i know ill go watch show . the funny . the one with the guys i cant stop thinking about . but NO because i love pausing show and talking about the guys and etc it essential . but im barely audible and if i use my voice now itll still be bad later ! and then its like ohhh i think im ready to go try sploon3 story mode . but no because i KNOW myself i KNOW what i do im gonna fuckin ramble about every lil detail either by talking outloud (preferred) or typing (which would add gaming hand pain on topof typing pain ) so its like . fuck ! !

i did manage tho i minimally gamed and then i read some fuckin fanfic and messed a lil with famistudio bc thats not too taxing on the hands but yes everyone is so mean to me </3 its so mean to suddenly have TWO conditions that mess up my backup plans for when one starts being annoying (my go-to for wanting to still have fun and stimulus n stuff when my hands need to rest is to watch silly shows with friend and the joy comes from the laughing at dumb jokes and talking about things and its like . damn now what do i do )

like there *are* other things to do i could go back to constantly watching youtube vids (for the past few months ive somehow been out of the 'being depressed n rewatching old video essays' curse and idk if i want to . relapse ) or listen to music or somethin or just like . not talk over a show . but ur honor have u considered i dont really wanna im not really saying all this to reach some sort of conclusion or for advice from others or anything . im just afhuieawoawifwef because i have so many thoughts in my brain and i have no voice to cry suffering

#personal rant #text #the show is milo murphys law btw. if u didnt see me reblogging a bunch of shit on that tag earlier

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wujico · 4 months

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first post.. wow hello void. this is a little more awkward than i thought. i know i should treat this like im writing on paper again in my little taco journal i got from my friend back in elementary, but... idk maybe its the thought that somebody might read this that puts me off. and also the fact that i just.... havent written anything in any sort of journal since i was 16 and making goodbye letters (ToT) what a life

anyway today is a saturday... well its sunday morning at 5am but im riddled with anxiety and cant sleep so :,) im trying to keep my thoughts busy. i work again tomorrow, only six hours which is usual for me, but its fucking -50⁰ where i live rn and I REALLY dont wanna force myself out of bed..... ugh

but ive been really good at never skipping work unless im throwing up all over the place so :,) speaking of that, i just got done being sick with the flu for the SECOND TIME within two months !!!!! i have a horrid immune system.. most of the time when im sick i spend hours rotting away in my bed and on the bathroom floor... these two times were no different

i genuinely was up at like 5am unable to sleep sobbing in my bed because it hurt so much !!! i gen wanted to die lmfao i hate being sick

but its whatever... at least i got to talk to 🍀 while i was high on meds and a 39.8⁰ fever... i said some funny shit but he just entertained me... i love looking back at our messsages.. he really seems to care for me.... crazy

neway yes saturday.. today.. what did i do- well i had work. i was stressing the entire day over being able to get my hw done for uni classes on time but then i just.. decided not to work on it at all. idk.. work was okay. i love working. even though its a a gross fast food restaurant with shady people coming and making a mess 24/7. all that bad cancels out when it comes to my cowokers. ive had so... so so so many people ive loved at this job. people ive loved more than i should and who have left me (WHATS NEW) BUTTT thats a story for another day

well anyway i got to see one of my besties who is always talking about her boy troubles ... i think everyone still thinks im a lesbian there since im not out to them as trans and have a gf 🙃 its kinda funny.. especially with all my male coworkers

who can just goof off and be close to me without the added stress of thinking its going to go anywhere (for the two of us).

wow this is already becoming so long shksjjsskjslk i have a feeling each post is gonna be like this... just a ramble about my life

anyway. i went home and immediately one of my headmates made himself know... his names nikki and hes... newish? hes been around since august 2023 but just recently showed himself. well we played sky together for a while, just the two of us. i sorta.. soft called out 🍀 on my discord status saying something like "chill cr w/ nikki!! anyone can join!" hoping theyd join my game LOL

well it was a call out to any one of my sky friends on disc (my new friend mochi actually ended up seeing it and we got to talk propery on sky for one of the first times... i was so happy)

i felt bad for 🍀 at first because he couldnt see mochis chat messages while we were having a whole ass conversation with 🍀 piggy on my shoulders... but they added each other a little later and i think the convo went well :)

🍀 's sky friend actually joined us as well.. i dont know her... nor do i really care that 🍀 seemed so close with her (well that was definitely a lie i told myself)

im so jealous LMFAOOOO definitely problems related to being stuck in a toxic friend group for 12 years BUT AGAIN thats a story for another day

anyway i was a bit sad at first because there are just things you cant say in a chat with your queer platonic partner when theres a random who you sort of know but have never personally talked to... so i shut off a bit... nikki tho bless him wtf was like- urging me to stop being so closed off towards sky friends sjhdksjsk especially because this person was really nice and even asked if she could tag along (which i said was fine because i cant say no to anything, no matter how hard i try)

it got better tho, when mochi joined

i really am a horrible person, because i felt i finally had equal grounds on 🍀 by being able to talk to mochi while they couldnt

curse being literally delusionally attached to 🍀 because he is my o n l y true friend !!!

i really am selfish for wanting to have all his attention. i am such a shitty human being

anyway... we went to eden (i lead everyone) and then sat and talked for a bit. being on equal ground with mochi about our interest in skz was super refreshing. its been a while since ive talked to anybody... but i recently joined the sky server and mochi and a few others dmed me

half way through i saw me and 🍀 's mutal friend come online.... ill call him 🌟 on here.... i only recently got to know him because i was online on sky alone and decided to join him.. he was doing quests by himself so i got some 1 on 1 time with him and omg hes so cool

i always have this habit of putting everyone else in an "untouchable" catergory, because everyone compared to me is just so much better. i guess i idolized 🌟 in a way because i never got to talk to him... he was only mutals to me through our sky friend group

anyway after that 1 on 1 i immediately felt so amazing and i wanted to talk to him every chance i get... so after mochi left and he hadnt joined our game (which was suprising because i was with 🍀 and the other person who are close to 🌟 and he likes them a lot better than me so i thought hed join one of them.... but he didnt) so i just went and joined his game immediately

i kinda ditched 🍀 but its whatever, i was still in a bad mood from earlier

i was kinda upset and sad all day so.... i was distant in my head and wasnt talking to anyone.. but that wore off the moment i got the chance to talk to 🍀 again

which was when my dad suprised me with mcdonalds !!! i really felt gross after eating it- and still do- but it helps sometimes. to eat that garbage.. ive always been a binge eater

where the hell even was i

yea i teleported to 🌟 to hang out with him and 🍀 warped to me... i didnt really mind because theyre both super cool and my idols but i got a dry ass greeting from 🌟 wheres as 🍀 got a enthusiastic one !! so yeah immediately i was like aight i see how it is

but 🍀 left to do a cr so i got more 1 on 1 time with 🌟 WHICH WAS SO NICE!! i feel like we are getting closer and closer everyday... anyway he was playing some music and i offered to stay and listen and it was gen so nice... i wanted to fall asleep just listening to him play hehe and after every song id complement him and we'd talk about what hed just played (if it was from a game or a movie) .... and well he seemed gen grateful for the compliments which made me fill up with pride

eventually 🍀 came back but i didnt really mind since i got my 1 on 1 time and i enjoy talking to both of them anyway

we had a nice convo going then 🌟 left

i always feel so prideful when i can make people laugh, even though it might even just be a lol or hahaha

then me and 🍀 had one on one time... which is what brings me to writing this

he mentioned he had a secret tumblr diary. this isnt the first time he mentioned it- back when we met irl he said if i could find it i could read it.... i tried to find it lol but couldnt so i just gave up

i didnt even think about it again until tonight.... i thought about trying to find it again but then i was like- yk what would be a better idea !!! make my own !!

so yeah i got the idea from him... a little secret vent diary place that i hope nobody can find (especially him, but if you do find it, im sorry LOL)

really i kinda wanna go looking for his but.... idk after making my own im just like how fucking awkward would it be for him to find mine and read it 😀😀 LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO BAD

so ive given up again

im gonna wait until he shares it with me.. idk when that'll be, but maybe when he does ill have wrote a lot on here and can share this with him as well

after all, i am kinda crazy. ill tell him every little secret about me if he asked.

i have so much to say but no brain power left. oh well

- ji

(1 / 13/ 2024)

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garpond · 6 months

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me word vomiting under cut

dude im just like. really scared and sad and i dont know what i want i wish i could stop feeling like bad stuff is lurking and that i deserve it because i shouldn't be allowed to be happy. for the crime of like. existing and not being perfect. when i think abt my life i just feel this really deep really strong misery like i don't know what to do with any of this ive had to find ways to cope with it for so long knowing that its 100% up to me to keep myself together because if i come unglued there's nothing in my irl material life to catch me and help me and there never has been. like not only do i have to figure out all of this stuff myself i have to figure out how to make sure nobody sees it's happening to begin with. and im just...sick of it, i want to cry, i just don't want to be alone anymore i want somebody who's here in front of me and part of my immediate material world to know and care and help me but that just isnt possible... i had whats probably the last of those free counseling visits today and i could tell they were really hurrying me along and since i couldnt go any deeper than surface level social struggles without getting referred to real therapy i just had to be ok with that but its just got me feeling like. they don't have time for me and don't really care and that was my only shot to get any sort of help that i wouldnt have to pay for and its just over for me now. it didn't do anything to begin with because i couldnt be honest. i dont know now im rambling sorry ive just been utterly fucking miserable the last three days i cant find joy in Anything without being terrified something's going to ruin it and i wish i could talk about this without making anyone online who cares about me feel like nothing they do for me matters or helps. it does, it's just that like...theyre behind a screen and so am i and when im not talking to them its just empty here. nobody knows me and nobody Has known me for a long time and the world just feels like a place im intruding in. and ive been trying anything to help myself stop feeling and just keep moving and going forward and im getting so desperate im afraid of what i'm going to try next or where this all could lead and its just like. i dont know man. im really scared i feel like every kind of 'control' ive tried to exert over myself was a fluke and that i have no control over my thoughts and actions at all and i'm just going to keep hurting myself over and over and over in various ways until i can't take it anymore because apparently i really really dont like myself. it feels like its too late for anything other than a huge downward spiral i genuinely cannot imagine ever being happy again and its killing me

#personal #idk i feel like a cut would be less annoying then trying in vain to guess what to tag this as #um warning this post contains. words

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pinkseas · 11 months

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[parasocial bestie] GOOD EVENING BESTIE!!!! CHEERING U ON!!!! although itll take another few days weeks months for u to finish the fic its totally understandable why it takes that long like!! even as an artist, working on a supposed 4 hr art can take Weeks without that energy. it could be me who doesnt write tho but id always think writers have it hardest to do all the brain connecting the Thinking the Gears Moving in their head to figure out every scene every dialog every word that fits to get a perfect imagery of sumn and i respect dat... i respect yew!!!! SO DO UR BEST ALYYYYYY ILYSM YOURE DOING SO GREAT WITH UR CURRENT WORDCOUNT ALREADY 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💖💞💞💕💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💓💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💖💓💓💖💞💕💞💖💓💖💓💖💓 ONTO THE NEXT FEW THOUSAND UR SO CLOSE 👊👊👊👊 BEATS THE BURNOUT BEATS EVERYTHING THAT STOPS U FROM WRITING AND BEING THE BESTEST 👊👊👊💥💥👊💥💥💥👊💥💥💥

NO BC LIKE AS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO ART. i will never ever ever understand how u guys do it. anyone can picture things in their mind to some degree but how in the everloving FUCK do you make that picture REAL>?????????????? proportions shading colors how the FUCK do you do the little glowy thing how do you make it Look Right how do you make it Look Good like. ive been doing creative writing in various ways to various degrees for over a decade now and i am still So Very Mediocre i STILL couldnt explain to you how i do it or how it happens and im sure if i had that same experience with art itd be different but. i do Not have that experience with art. so instead i stare at said art and go Hey Genuinely How The Hell Did You Do That and love it with all my heart

i dont even understand how other writers write like wdym you have a PLOT you have PACING you have proper balance between characters pertaining to who you want to focus on the most/least what do you MEANNNNNN you found the most gorgeous words and turns of phrase to make something sound Exactly write or get an Exact image into someones head like. HELLO ????????????????

dorry that got away from me i may be okay at writing but i am SO very fucking good at rambling every time without fail amen <3

anyways more importnatly GOOD EVENING I LOVE U SO SO SO FUCKING BAD I SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY WENT 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & then powercry emoji x2345987345 like man. MAN.

onto the next few thousand 😁😁😁 <- words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THANK U FOR BEATING UP THE BURNOUT I RLY NEED IT like its barely gotten in the way yet ive taken enough breaks given myself enough time it is just SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGGGGG knowing that i need those breaks and need that time like why am i not allowed to just be the specialest person in the whole wide world who never burns out ever hm? hmmm? do i not deserve it have i not suffered enough

not to be soooo silly but i genuinely cannot express how much it means to me and how much it has meant to me from the very first little comment that you just. IDK IDK IDK. you care so much and you're so fucking NICE about it and so passionate about it and EVERY single time we ramble about ANYTHING it inspires and pushes me so much and i love love love talking to you and like. u simply did not need/do not need to be constantly so fucking sweet and encouraging and wonderful about everything all the time ever but then you Are and then i die and and and <- maybe its a good thing i didnt try forcing myself to write too much this morning if this is the way im wording things today 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 idk it is just. ily so bad and i am so so happy and grateful every time i see u in my silly little inbox and to this day i owe u my Life for the thoughts that u have brought to my silly little brain and

yeha. yeah. yeah. Yeah. explodes into a billion pieces

#parasocial bestie tag #DORRYYYYYYYY MY BRAIN IS SO FRIED RN IDEK WHY :SOB: <- girl who has written so many thousand words the past week

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artandalloy · 1 year

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not really feeling art today, but i didnt want to stop doing it daily so early, so here's messy art.

originally i was gonna put more effort into a full drawing but i couldnt for the life of me figure out a pose. i got to shading on one idea but i didnt like the design or the pose so i threw it away. it worked out for me day 2 so i thought it'd work out today, but it didnt. so i did this instead

thank you @catbatart for the art challenge and the continued reblogs. on one hand im a hobby artist and i dont care too much what other people think of my art, on the other hand, i crave attention :)

time for rambling unrelated to todays art! (it's about yesterdays and tomorrows)

i've been pretty up and down on how yesterday's drawing turned out. i liked it when i posted it. hated it when i went to sleep, and looked at it earlier and thought it was fine. not good, not bad, just fine.

i think most of the negativity comes from the fact that i really liked the pose for it. i feel like i can do a lot more with the idea but the design ended up pretty mediocre and a lot of the anatomy work ended up looking super rough. i'll probably revisit the idea later. maybe on a day im bored and actually want to draw

Insect is a super cool prompt for tomorrow, one of the ones ive been looking forward to. hopefully im more in my groove for it. if im not i'll probably just do a super basic pose so i can focus on cool character design over everything else

thats enough screaming into the void for one day

#monster march #monster march 2023 #vampire #art #my art #digital art

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ne-cropolis · 1 year

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Long ramble about dog grooming because i got very flustered at work, am still freaking out about it, and need to vent it 🙃

I got a massive tip today from a client with a dobie puppy and im so worried these people didnt actually mean to do it . This puppy came in for his first ever grooming session and he had some kind of dry skin issue that only really showed up after he was brushed. I didnt blow dry him since it was his first experience, and thats usually when i see the extent of most skin issues since the force dryer reveals everything hidden by fur, not to mention itll blow away a majority of skin flakes if the dog has bad dandruff (which this puppy had, i also didnt get to check him in so i didnt get to ask details about him) Im frustrated i didnt get to be as educational as i could have been for his owners. I got so scattered and couldnt get the words out about some solutions they could try alongside talking to their vet, and i would have had them come back for a special bath in a shampoo that specifically helps dry/generally problematic skin to rule out a reaction to the soap i used (which was hypoallergenic and should not cause a reaction, but maybe???) but i completely forgot everything.

I got super flustured because there was a miscommunication about the tip (we dont check people out, the cashiers on the retail floor do it) and they almost gave me $260, which is, absolutely not what they intended. I talked to the cashiers and they went to take care of it with one of the parents while i was with the other one trying to see if i could do anything more for him by trying to blow his coat a little (which, i couldnt actually do because i had to use the lowest setting without a nozzel so it didnt scare the shit out of him, and even that was pushing it close to his threshold) Ultimately, theres not a lot i can do for dry skin without being able to deep scrub, condition, and force dry their coats fully, which is nearly impossible for a puppys first groom without traumatizing them. I got him back to his parents and they seemed happy about everything, im just still upset i couldnt do better for the particular situation, especially because the people were amazing. Just them bringing their doberman puppy in to be groomed makes me love them and want to do everything possible to make it a good experience for them and the pup, but i feel like that didnt happen and im so confused why they still left a massive tip, and if they actually meant to do it.

Most of it is that im super flustered by them still giving me $100 tip, which has never happened in my 4 years of grooming working on massive, hairy, stubborn dogs; the biggest ive ever gotten was $40 from a lady who i was already undercharging for the work her akita was.

I just hope they bring him in again so i can talk to them more thoroughly and maybe help his skin more now that hes been introduced to everything and i could maybe do a better job. Im still really bothered by it because what if they didnt intend to leave that much money and it becomes an issue for them? They already did get it fixed from 260 to 100, and the cashier promised me he asked them for confirmation several times but like...asdfkjshbfkchsbsjfksbfkf im happy to take huge tips but i worry for my clients financial situations and if i dont feel like i did a good job taking a tip makes me feel ashamed, so im still freaking out about how everything went down.

Thank you and sorry to anyone who read this lol, i really just needed to type it out so i could stop losing my mind thinking about it.

Edit: im also wondering after the fact if the laundry detergent the salon uses caused a reaction, its not the usual scentless, hypo soap so that very well could have caused it when drying him with the towel, but i dont know 😩

#probably delete later #im still so worried about it and i want to know if the pup got more itchy after getting home or if what i did helped #im being whiny blah #personal #woes of dog grooming

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ecoamerica · 25 days

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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wanderrlust0 · 2 years

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i lost like 5 lbs and i like it .. i think i can stay this weight for the summer and i can wear certain clothes without constantly looking down and feeling like i look fat. like today, i could tell that i felt more comfortable than i usually am in my outfit, like it felt great and i didn’t feel that insecure. sometimes im always making sure my shirt covers a certain amount of my stomach bc i’ll soon feel like im bloated. i love wearing high waisted shorts/skirts/pants; theyre like one of the best things to exist lol. i wasn’t trying to lose weight on purpose, it just sorta happened under certain circumstances. i also know that my body kind of loses weight easily, like if i eat any less than my normal at the moment, i will automatically see a difference. sometimes i just dont like my body proportions. like, my upper arms feel fat and i dont like that crease at the armpits. im always on and off about my calves bothering me. i do like my hips a lot; i like feeling my hip bone. i like my waist bc it curves in. im pretty neutral about my ass lol i think the size of it fits my body and im not really into having such a huge butt. i used to like hate my boobs so much. i just didnt like them. i didnt like how small they looked compared to other girls i would see. i felt like no guy would want a girl like me with small boobs. i pretty much fell for societys standards or the male gaze with what the “perfect” female body is and id look at my chest and it would feel so flat. foreal in high school i wanted a boob job in the future like your girl just wanted boobies. i still get insecure about them but defff not to the extent that i used to. i used to care so much and now ive gotten more comfortable, but i do sometimes think like damn why cant any gained fat just all go to my tits lol. when i had my after hs “glow up” and felt prettier, there were more guys liking me during college and i put myself more out there and that honestly helped. im just rambling now. anyways, my bf loves my boobs and whenever he’s admiring them and expressing how much he likes them it just makes me happy and my past self needed to hear that sooner. going deeper into it, i feel like this is the root of me being attracted to girls. like i would see a girl with my ideal body type and boobs just bigger than mine and i wanted that bc i felt like that was part of being pretty. ive been admiring girls for so long but i didnt even realize the extent of it and what it meant since i focused on boy crushes in school. i had a lot of female celebrities that i liked; i just thought they were perfect and i wanted to be them. omg on that note, im very glad that i no longer have thoughts where i wish i was white. i cant believe i even thought of what i wanted to look like. i hated my eyes, my nose, my side profile. i’ve gained more acceptance to my facial features (still not a fan of my side profile tho lol). ive embraced being asian and i dont feel any internal racism anymore. also, middle school/hs can really ruin your confidence and i feel like its inevitable for everyone. anyways, another thing i like are my collar bones and that whole part of my body. very minuscule, but i like my wrists. i would wrap my fingers around them and try each finger to figure out their size and go up my arm until my fingers couldnt touch. during college is when i noticed my body changing more. i was losing more fat and some to me felt like baby fat. so i noticed my wrists getting smaller and looking more dainty and flat, like how i wanted. even my fingers shrunk. towards the second half of college, i would put on rings id wear a lot and they became loose more often and like now, they completely slide on my finger. in hs i thought my fingers looked so chubby and my ring size felt too big. anyways, ill finish and stop rambling now but its kind of eye opening typing all of this out. ive also been writing my thoughts wayyy more often on here. years back i never posted a text post and i barely posted my own pics too, so ive been using my “blog” to write and post more original stuff // 7.22.22

#journal #mypost #ohmygod theres actually a character limit on here i never knew that lol #i already finished what i wanted to say but i accidentally typed #tmi

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tiens-letters · 3 years

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Oohh another request haha. I love this thank you and i hope you like it :>

were the bruises to your heart worth it?

Childe angst

You mulled over your sister's words for the nth time today. Her voice playing on loop inside your head, drifting in and out of a mundane daydream.

"why are you still with him?" you wondered as well as to why you still stuck with Ajax, all these days in 3 years of being wit him. Perhaps it was devotion, it was love to persevere even in the wrath of crumbling times and yet why does your heart ache a little more these days he's been far from you.

The days when he would come home, wounded and tired you were there to nurse him back. Back then it was something you'd do out of care and worry, which was until these recent days where it felt as if it were a job you didnt want to do as he would shrug you off instead and locking himself in another room. You barely remember the time where you both shared a quiet night basking in each other's presence, with limbs in a tangle and your forehead upon his beating chest, it was almost none existent as the home you both had felt so utterly desolate, void of the homey ambience.

Youve endured a month of his uncalled behaviour, breaking you even further as things slipped from your grasp leaving you empty and in agony. There were times you'd silently let tears fall as he slept so soundly beside you, unbothered by your pain. He's become more and more as the harbinger you forgot him to be and not your darling lover Ajax.

He never noticed your puffy eyes, sunken cheeks and dwindling weight yet he noticed all the small mistakes youve made. Where one day, left you with a bruise on the arm due his snake like grip after blowing up on you right after he came home from a long journey to sumeru.

You left.

Childe came home earlier than expected, once again tired and nursing a few minor wounds on his body. All he wanted was your touch on his skin as you lulled him to sleep only that to his utter surprise that the house was empty. Perhaps you went out for an errand or for another pot of your favourite flower that you kept in the small garden at the back.

Not giving it too much thought, he lounged on the couch awaiting your return, eyelids soon drooping as the soft pillow coaxed him to sleep.

As the grandfather clock swings its pendulum, the sound echoing through the whole room signifying the arrival of midnight, an eerie sound waking Childe back to consciousness. Groggy from rising he scanned the room only to find it darker than before, if it werent for the nearby lamp he switched open, he swore he couldve been swallowed by the darkness.

Were you not home yet?

A dreadful feeling washed over him as your presence was nowhere around the house. He called out for you as he rushed through the halls, a sliver of hope vanishing every corner turned and every door opened led to nothing but misery.

You always leave a note as to where you are going and yet it was another one out of the many abnormalities in his home.

"Darling? Please i hope youre not playing with me!" he calls out to no one in particular, denying the fact of your existence gone with the wind. Your clothes were all intact and so does your other belongings. He thought of every possibility of what couldve befallen his lover, mostly gravitating towards the worst of the worst case scenarious and may the archons forbid, he would never recover from the blow.

"Where are you?!"

Then it dawned on him after much pondering and pulling his falling parts together. The things he did, the words he said it all came flooding through him like a rushing cold river, hitting him fair and square in the chest and came forth an otherworldly pain and regret. He gasps, almost suffocating by the weight of his sins and he wished he had died right then and there in atonement for his crimes.

Soon his vision became bleary as eyes misted over with tears that fell freely from his ocean eyes. He ruined it. Ruined you.

And yet he could not let you go.

Days seemed to pass by so fast that it had already been 5 months of liberation from Ajax's presence. You were slowly building yourself up once again, the temple that was torn down by a single crack, slowly being rebuilt brick by brick.

Your love for Ajax, even if it left quite the bruise to your heart, it was still there, lingering in the air and a part of you missed him so. You wondered how he would be doing, you wondered if he looked for you just as you did when he didnt come home on the date set, you wonder if he wept when he couldnt feel you next to him, just as you did 150 days ago. You wondered if he ever called your name all the while giving a lingering kiss to the painting that hung on the foyer. You wondered if what you both had, had any significance to him at all.

"Stop doing that." you jolted from where you sat, the book falling off your lap as you met your sister's stern glare from across the room.

"Stop doing what?"

"You are thinking about Tartaglia again. Its been over 5 months and that blundering fool never made an effort to find you much less apologize for what he did when you were still there." there was anger in her voice as she recounted the day you came to her door, teary eyed and just utterly torn. Never once did she felt like murdering someone so bad, especially when it had you, her only family involved.

"Im sorry, I-i just--"

"Hush now." she came over in her elegant strides to take you in her arms, the familiar scent of your mother's favorite perfume stayed on her like second skin and you were so grateful that you had her. You let yourself cry in her embrace in quiet comfort.

Childe never stopped.

Secretly searching for atleast a tiny clue of your whereabouts wore him down to the bone and yet he never gave up. How could he? Even if he thought he was so undeserving of you he still pushed on to right what wrong he's made. The details gathered had been insufficient to serve as a lead making Childe more desperate in his attempt to search for you. Nights were spent on scouring places and information seeking and his work, only done in the daytime. He never wasted a wink on sleep as it was an obstacle to getting closer to you and even when his body collapsed due to exhaustion of overworking all he could think was you.

The search has led a certain fatui informant who works for one of the harbingers. With a note slipped in secrecy on a specific time containing an address on the small parchment. It was all Childe needed to fuel his buried hope as he took off towards snezhenaya.

He never imagined he'd arrive right in front of the iron gates that encased the whole estate atop a mountain. The wind bellowed stronger than before as the snow rained harder upon the place. Luckily, he was born in this region and had survived throughout.

He wondered why you came here, to such a dreadful place but then again, anywhere was better than right by him.

Trying to push open the gates only to be repelled by cryo magic, burning through his gloves and into his skin, leaving fresh burns on his palms as he gasped in pain. Whoever lives here clearly didnt want anyone trespassing much less had a fancy for guests.

He was starting to grow cold as his energy was slowly being siphoned by days of travel, it would only take a matter of time before he passes out.

He calls out, hoping someone inside would hear him.

And you did, only that it seemed like the wind but the time you looked outside the library window, you saw a person outside the gates. The familiar ginger hair tousled with the wind and as you strained your ears to hear and that was when it filled your ears, Ajax's voice. Something you havent heard in quite a long time.

As quick as lightning you stood, half running half gliding through the halways and down the stairs, there was no coherent thought, only him. He was freezing outside the barrier and you pushed yourself more to reach him.

Your figure stepping out through the door was almost like a dream to him. Your name oh so longingly leaving his bluing lips.

"Ajax!" you were in time as you caught his figure which seemed lighter than before. He clung to you, legs desperately tryinf to hold him up. You were here, right in his arms, alive and warm.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please I love you." he rambles on, like a mantra he apologizes over and over again, sobbing and stumbling on his words as he held you so achingly close "Forgive me. Forgive me..."

"Step away from him this instant." your sister, Signora hisses from behind you, just as you were about to coax Ajax she already had a cryo dagger aimed at his head

"Sister please!" you plead, your panic growing as you saw Ajax huffing in labored breaths "Let him come inside or he will freeze to death."

Signora sees the urgency in your eyes and the undying devotion you still hold for the man in your arms. She dematerializes the dagger with a wave of her hand.

"Fine but if I see tears in your eyes then dont you ever dare stop me from what Im going to do to him."

"Thank you sister." you smile at her as she steps backs inside the house and you follow in after her with Ajax leaning on you for support. Once inside, you had him lay on the couch by the fire after helping him out of his winter garments and replacing it for a knitted quilt.

"Im sorry." bloodshot ocean eyes looked at you with so much guilt and a love that you almost forgot "I-i im so so sorry."

"Lets talk about this after youve rested." this time you couldnt look at him, the ache in your heart throbs from the bruises it still nursed. You stood before falling further only for him to catch your shaking hand with his equally shaking one.

"Dont leave." he whimpers, the fear of abandonment increasing as he pleaded for you to stay. instead, you let go of his hand and placed yours instead over his eyes making him uncharacteristically shriek surprising you even more, making you think what other worldly pain he was experiencing as of the moment. "No! No No. Please Its dark."

Ajax cries as he thrashed around because he feared that if he sleeps he would go back to the nightmare of you not by his side and that would leave him all cold and alone just like in the past. he didnt want to go back there, not now when he's seen you. As much as he'd hate to admit, he was truly and utterly terrified but you had to let him rest and with the help of your vision he finally succumbed to a dreamless, peaceful sleep. Only that he calmed down did you notice how much he's lost, where your once sunken cheeks, puffy eyes and weight loss now transferred to him and it made you sick to your stomach. your lips found his forehead as you wished him a good rest, you left the room after bandaging his burned hands to gather yourself for when he finally came to his sensible self.

when you thought it was going to take a full day for him to wake up only to find him stumbling about in the living room calling your name on his lips like a broken record. you immediately rushed down and burst into the room to find him clutching his head and gasping breathlessly. he looked crazed until he caught sight of you standing by the door, a worried look on your face was when he finally came to. he ran to you, clung to you like it was the last day of the world to live and sighed into your welcoming smell.

"are you alright now?" you ask him as you part in arms width

"Hit me." he tells you in all seriousness in his worn out state

"W-what?" you were certain he was still out of it until he grabbed your hand in an attempt to hit himself to which you stopped immediately

"Hit me! Scream at me all you want. Call me words Ive called you. Ive broken you! Do you not see that?!" funny how he couldnt see himself, he who's become worse over the course of the months . his tone rose and fell until it was only a whisper above his panting

"Just dont abandon me." he shuts his eyes, steeling himself for your judgment until he felt your hands on his face again, making soothing circles on his cheek

"look at me Ajax." you coax him and he did and he could see assurance and the love for him still remained and he wanted to cry again but tears have long gone abandoned him and left him in such a regretful state, he truly didnt deserve you and you never deserved to be treated that way. "Youve hurt me yes and nothing can change that but I wasnt planning on you leaving you. I couldnt as I love you too much that I wouldnt imagine life without you but Ajax, the things you did to me, to us, was painful."

"I know and Im so sorry." he held himself from rambling as the pain in chest grew even more burdensome, something he would willingly carry as he vows to himself to never hurt you and if he did then he would tear himself down "I love you"

"and I to you Ajax. Just promise me that when you are having a hard time, let us talk it out and not result to screaming and painful banters."

"I promise darling. on my life and everything in this world. I vow to never cause you pain like I did and to only give you love and care that someone like you deserve."

there he was, your Ajax. He was home.

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #ajax #tartaglia #childe #childe angst #childe x reader #childe x reader angst #childe request #angst #haha yes pain #Spotify

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6irlpet · 2 years

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I would say yes! In fact, I'm saying yes right now. But here's the catch: stupid little girls who want to cum don't get to enjoy it. You can have an orgasm. And then another. And another. And you have to keep cumming, without stopping, until it hurts. So much that you cry. You're welcome 💜

thsi put me over the edge earlier immediately when i saw it after an hour of edging and it was sso hard but i wanted to be ggood and obey, so i kept humping the vibe until it felt so ickyy i dunno how to describe it it made my brain shut off so bad , it hurt to keep the vibe pressed and made my hips kick up involuntarily it made my clit feel such a gross tingly achey where i couldnt even put it there anymore without my hips spasming and i came until i couldnt anymore, i ended up sticking my tongue out and rolling my eyes up thinking how dumb i looked but it felt like the only thing i could do when i was shuddering and whining i never ever usually make noise n can keep quiet but godbsmfbskfnd

imthank u for making me regret asking 2 cum it made me feel so dumb and sore and over sensitive i shouldve known especially cuz being called a stupid little girl put me over the edge right away i literakly started cumming over knowing what i am .... and what it says about me that that melts my brain so badly im so fucking wet again remembering this m gonna have to go clean up again before im falling asleep

i know its best that im made to regret cumming cuz i should only b denied or hurting and regretting it it keeps me dumb and obedient and needy and little 😖😖 god im so humiliated sharing this and remembering it again that i was twitching and unable to stay still bc it felt like so much and too much... but its turning me on so much too i feel like m gunna fall asleep humping the bed im already doing it typing this oh god

but this time i know not to try and chase an orgasm especially since i was “rewarded” today and was greedy .. i know its gunna be better for me to fall asleep with an achey swollen clit and wet pussy i should be kept like this im a stupid little girl i feel so braindead rambling fuck

thank u for letting me cum and thank u for making it so hard n icky 💘💘💘

#ask #edge babble #i fee like dat tag courns cuz im grinding my hips and whining so bad rn i feek so stupid n fuzzy #i need fo remember whats better for me

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soundwave-superior · 2 years

Text

If you're interested to read the disjointed, rambling Ratchet mini analysis I wrote during my lunch break today, then buckle up kids:

Idk if this is canon or fanon but I love the idea that Ratchet, while a fantastic doctor, still struggled in establishing himself post residency bc of his attitude (and his superiors being intimidated by his skill and intellect), and that the reason he was made CMO of the Prime (Nova, I believe) was bc he didn't play politics and Nova wanted an excellent physician who would treat him without ulterior motives. Being the Prime's doctor is a big fucking deal, but Ratchet was still just a medic, he wasn't like... known for all of the things he became known for during the war. Folks knew he was picked bc he was a political nobody, but the general public didnt know how talented he was. Then Orion became a prime and chose Ratchet as his CMO (bc Optimus knew Ratchet wouldn't ever say no to him, as his friend, and he wanted to exploit that), and he was forced to become an Icon, he was supposed to represent all of what a medic could be, he was the miracle worker, the mech with the magic hands, the bot who could rip a mech's spark back from Mortillus himself. He stopped being his own person as soon as he took OP's "offer" to be the Autobot CMO, and thats a bit part of why he held onto the title so fiercely, even after the war was over: he didnt want/couldnt trust anyone else to live the way he did, to fill that impossible role. Least of all his apprentice!! First Aid was more than capable of being the CMO, but Ratchet didnt wanna put that on the kids shoulders. Plus, after 4 million years, Ratchet didnt have an identity outside of being Autobot CMO. He was nothing. A walking miracle worker, the best of the best, but he wasn't Ratchet, he was a walking Symbol that he and Optimus created.

Another reason why he was su1c1dal at the start of MTMTE. The war was over, they didnt need an Autobot CMO anymore, just a CMO to the Prime. And with his hands failing, that Symbol was shattered and he could no longer fill that role. He was nothing without his hands. He couldn't perform the same miracles as he did during the war, when he saved Optimus' spark again and again and again when the mech was barely more than a smudge on the tarmac.

He joined the Lost Light to find someone who would be willing and capable of being a new symbol. Not First Aid, not the kid (despite how insanely talented and ingenius he is), but... someone else. A fool's errand, maybe, but he was going to continue working until he literally couldn't anymore, regardless.

Im just! Thinking a lot about Ratchet and how much the war took from him. Not just the millions of mechs he couldn't save or who died anyway after he fixed them, but what it took from him personally.

and THEN, when he finally found happiness, JRO took one last fucking jab at him by having his body just. Stop. Like, as soon as he finds some inner peace and moves outside of the CMO role with someone who loves him for who he is, after he replaces his failing hands, after seemingly moving past all of the trauma that Pharma caused him, he fucking beefs it. So needless! So hurtful!

it further established for Drift that he's meant to be alone, that anyone close to him will get hurt: he's lost every single person he ever trusted or was close to??? And Ratchet never thought he'd see the end of the war, he acted as a reminder of how fucking hard the war was on old bots. He saw Cybertron in its Golden Age, saw it fall, saw the war through every stage, until it finally ended. He never thought hed make it that far! He survived, by some miracle. Even the LL was supposed to be his swan song, but he found??? Love??? Someone who saw past his gruff exterior and scaled his emotional walls and loved him for the mech he was, not the Infamous Miracle Worker with the magic hands. They both found happiness against all odds and it was ripped away!!! For nothing!! For shock value!!

#idw transformers #mtmte #lost light #mtmte spoilers #ll spoilers #ratchet #idw ratchet #brynn speaks #no one gives a shit abt my Thoughts but i wanted to post them somewhere

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