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queenofallwitches · 3 years

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an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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ggukcangetit · 4 years

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Dreamcatchers 6

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Summary: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 5.2k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama.

Chapters 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

A/N: it’s been a while since i posted and even longer since i updated this fic but its still here and so am i! lol. updates are not gonna be very frequent but i have a list of works in progress that i plan to finish so there will be something or the other being posted at the most random moments.

also, reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing!

21st December

"Is this how you conduct a sample analysis?! Where did you even train? I've half a mind to report you and get you kicked out!!"

Yuri stopped at her desk, surprised to hear Seulgi's yelling so loudly that she could be heard all the way from the floor above. She was usually extremely calm and even-tempered, but the past couple of days had seen her irritable, snappy, and downright furious.

"Dr. Ahn sounds really angry," whispered Jisoo, clutching a file close to her chest. "I've never heard her yell at anybody before. I hope she's okay."

"I'm sure everything's fine," said Jeon, walking over to his desk and dropping a bunch of files on it. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Yuri raised an eyebrow at him, but complied nonetheless. They walked outside, standing near a clump of trees outside of earshot of anyone in the station.

"Guess who I've just brought in on suspicion of murder for the 2nd Nov case?" he asked, lowering his voice.

"No!" gasped Yuri. "Minhyuk?"

"Yep. He's been in the country for a while now. Fancy giving me a hand with the interview?"

"Me? I mean," she bit her lip. "I wasn't part of the original investigation."

"I know, but in light of what you've found out and the fact that you're now my partner, Goh thinks it's okay."

"You told Goh?!"

"I had to. I can't restart the investigation without his permission."

Jeon stared at her for a few moments, trying to gauge her reaction. "So, what do you say?"

"Alright. Let's nail this bastard."

Ahreum was late. She had a meeting with one of her professors to decide on which medical stream she'd specialize in. Despite using forensics as an excuse to distract Seulgi, she was seriously considering it now. Deciding to pursue medicine had been a drastic career switch for Ahreum, and a lot of people had questioned her decision relentlessly. But if there was something she had learnt in the years following her parents' divorce, it was patience and the ability to block out irrelevant conversations. Namjoon had always been immersed in his studies, barely affected by the bitterness existing between their parents. Ahreum, barely in high school, felt lost and helpless during those times. After the divorce, things had become less tumultuous and she was able to see her parents as individual entities. That was when she realized that her father was never going to like any of her decisions, no matter how hard she tried to please him, and her mother preferred to stay aloof at the best of times. Ahreum learnt pretty early in life, that she needed to be there for herself. She loved her brother and parents, though the latter a lot less than the former. Her decision to study English Literature and Creative Writing had been a spur of the moment one - dictated more by the fact that her high school boyfriend was going to study at a major Arts university. She didn't really regret any of her decisions. Her degree had led her to finding a hobby she adored - photography. And having a freelance job meant that she could stay with Namjoon - who earned a significantly larger amount than her - and move whenever he needed to move as well. This was also how she had met Taehyung 3 years ago - a happy coincidence of events when she had been taking pictures outside the museum at Seoul. They had started talking about art and photography, eventually realizing that they lived in the same part of the city. In addition to Yuri, she also considered Taehyung to be her best friend. She had seen him during one of his lowest moments when Seokjin had left home; and then some time later when he had found Seokjin living in the town Ahreum and Namjoon had recently shifted to, she had stayed by him as he grappled with his anger and frustration towards his older brother until an eventual reconciliation.

But at this moment, she was beginning to lose patience with him. Five minutes before she was about to leave for her meeting, she received a bunch of frantic texts from him.

8.25 am

T: ahreum?? are u up??

T: jimins still in custody

T: im so worried

8.26 am

T: u there?

T: i want to visit him...

T: will u come with me?

8.27 am

T: hey

T: ???

T: i didnt sleep much so i dont wanna drive there

8.28 am

T: are u sleeping?

T: ???

He knew she had a meeting today. He knew how important the meeting was for her. She had spoken about it many times. Not for the first time, Ahreum wondered whether Taehyung cared about her beyond what directly concerned him. If it wasn't somehow relevant to him, he never seemed to remember much. It was a careless apathy that had hurt her during the beginning of their friendship, but she had accepted it as a part of him.

Her meeting was at 9 am and she usually needed 20 minutes to get there on her bike. She closed her eyes and mentally rehearsed the points she was going to bring up during her meeting. Her phone pinged once more, breaking her concentration.

8.30 am

T: hey

T: can u pick me up?

She frowned and shot a quick text before pocketing her phone and strapping on her helmet.

A: sorry have a meeting... talk later

As Ahreum sped through the narrow lanes, she was convinced that there was no way she was going to talk to Taehyung today. He would have to manage on his own for once.

Yuri and Jeon sat across from a very nervous Park Minhyuk, his bloodshot eyes indicating that he had been brought in after a rough night.

"Good morning." Jeon began the interview, his notes stacked neatly in front of him. "You were very hard to get a hold of, Mr. Park. Specifically because your company categorically states that you've been out of the country for business."

"I-" His face was white as a sheet.

"When we called your office, we were told that you are often out of the country on business trips. Short trips," Jeon flipped through his notes. "A fortnight, 20 days at max. Your secretary was very obliging - he told us that you traveled on October 12th and returned on October 27th. Then left the country again on November 1st and returned on November 16th. Another trip between November 22nd and December 6th. And finally, one more on December 10th from which you still haven't returned."

"Your phone records are very interesting, Mr. Park," said Yuri, joining in. "I'm DI Choi, by the way, and I will be assisting DI Jeon as his partner on the case. Now -" she opened the file in front of her and took out a particular page - "is this your cell phone number?"

"Yes, but-"

"Our Telecomms division looked over recent activity over the last 3-4 months. While your office confirms that you have been on multiple trips out of the country from October onwards, your phone has been operating in Korea for almost two months. Can you tell us why?"

Minhyuk remained silent, his hands clenched on the table.

"Do you recognize this?" Yuri placed a plastic bag on the table and moved it towards him.

The remaining color drained from Minhyuk's face as he stared at the ring inside the plastic bag.

"Let me help you out, Mr. Park," she continued. "This is an heirloom from your mother's side of the family. There was three such rings - one buried with your mother, one on your brother's finger, and one found at the scene of Son Eunbi's murder. Can you tell us how your ring found its way to a murder scene?"

"I didn't kill her!" Minhyuk looked like he was going to pass out. Jeon poured some water into a glass and passed it to him.

"She was dead when I got there!" he said after gulping down the water. His hands were shaking by this point.

"If she was dead when you got there, why didn't you call the police?"

"I..."

Faced with a possible murder charge, Minhyuk looked frightened but not nearly as forthcoming with an alibi as one would have hoped.

"Mr. Park," Yuri spoke after a period of silence. "Did you know that Ms. Son had a three year old daughter named Gina?"

Minhyuk gulped, his eyes breaking contact with hers. He removed his hands from where they had been clenched on the table, choosing to hide them in his lap.

"Are you Gina's father?" she continued. Minhyuk head shot up at her question.

"H-how did-"

"When did you find out?" she asked.

Minhyuk sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I guess there's no point in denying it since you know everything." He reached out and finished the remaining water in the glass. "In October, after I came back from a trip, I happened to meet her by chance and Gina was with her. It was odd, the way that she tried to avoid talking to me. And the fact that Gina also had clear grey eyes."

For the first time since the interview started, Yuri realised the resemblance between the Park brothers was limited but striking. Their eyes were the exact same shade of grey - while Jimin looked cold and unwelcoming, Minhyuk's glasses did well to give him a warmer appearance.

"I asked her why she hadn't contacted me when she got pregnant. Or in the three years since Gina was born."

"What did she say?" asked Yuri, softly.

"She was scared that I wouldn't believe her." Tears had started to roll down his cheeks. "I loved her... so much. And then she just disappeared one day. I tried so hard to find her but..."

Jeon poured another glass of water for him.

"I told her how happy I was to hear about Gina. That I wanted us to be a proper family. I was willing to do whatever was necessary if that's what she wanted as well. I think she was beginning to warm up to the idea. I even told my father to postpone my next trip so that I could spend a little more time with both of them. But-"

"But?"

Minhyuk stared at his hands, looking tired and dejected. "He - uh, he wasn't happy when he heard about Gina. My father has very particular expectations."

"What did he say to you? Did he threaten you, Mr. Park?"

Minhyuk let out a soft chuckle. "My father doesn't threaten. He suggests."

"And what did he suggest you do about Gina and Eunbi?" asked Jeon.

"That I stay away from them. For the sake of my inheritance."

"And did you?"

"I was planning to... I-I was meant to travel the next day and I thought I would go and see her once more before I left. But when I got there..."

Minhyuk covered his face with his hands, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.

"What happened when you got there, Mr. Park?"

"She was lying there... in a pool of blood. Gina was asleep in the back. I-I didn't kill her. You have to believe me."

Yuri and Jeon exchanged a quick look as Minhyuk protested his innocence. They were aware that the homeless man had killed Son Eunbi. The DNA found at the crime scene confirmed the fact that he had stabbed her. But they needed Minhyuk to give them as much information as possible.

"I'm afraid we do not conduct our investigations based on belief, Mr. Park," continued Yuri, shuffling her notes meaningfully. "You still haven't provided us with an alibi for that night. Strange thing - the Park family seem to have a particular aversion towards providing alibis. Your brother was also extremely resistant when we spoke to him."

"You spoke to Jimin? What for?" Minhyuk's expression had changed completely. He looked strangely alert.

"I guess you aren't aware that Jimin was arrested for the murder of Kang Eunwoo on December 15th." Jeon spoke deliberately, hoping to elicit a reaction. And he was successful.

"What?! That's impossible! There's no way he could've done that!"

"Why are you so certain of that?"

"Because he was with me on December 15th!"

"I'm sorry but we can't take you at your word. You can't even provide a proper alibi for yourself on the night of Son Eunbi's murder. How can we be sure that the two of you aren't just covering up for each other?"

It was then that Minhyuk realised that he would need to come clean. There was no way to save Jimin without telling them the entire story.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll tell you everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes. If it can help Jimin, I'm willing to risk my father finding out."

Yuri glanced at Jeon who gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

"Go on."

"After I saw Eunbi... lying there, I couldn't leave Gina. No matter what my father had said, I couldn't leave my daughter in such a situation. So I... took her away with me."

"Where is Gina now, Mr. Park?" Yuri asked, frowning.

"She's safe."

"Where is she?" asked Jeon, sharply.

"In Busan. I have an apartment there and she's been with me since that day."

"Why didn't you tell the police that you had her? Why does your company believe that you are abroad on a business trip?"

Minhyuk rubbed his eyes tiredly and drank some more water. "I couldn't let my father find out. Jimin and I have an apartment in Busan that we bought under a different name. It was a place our father couldn't find us. Gina's been staying there with me since 2nd November."

"Are you sure your father thinks you're abroad? It doesn't seem like something easy to cover up."

"Jimin helped with that," said Minhyuk, leaning back into the cold metal chair. "He told father that I had run away because he hadn't been understanding of my situation with Gina and Eunbi. Jimin's good at convincing people - it's a talent he's barely ever put to good use."

"So Jimin knew that you were hiding in a secret apartment with your recently discovered daughter?"

"Yes, he did. I have an alibi for 2nd November. I was in a meeting till 9 pm and then stopped for drinks at a nearby fried chicken place till 11 pm. I was a bit tipsy after that, which is why I decided to visit Eunbi and Gina. After taking Gina away from there, I went to Jimin's place, got the keys to the apartment and drove straight there. I think I reached around 2 am."

Yuri jotted down all this information, making a note to check on every new detail that had been mentioned.

"What about December 15th? You said Jimin was with you. Why?" asked Jeon, folding his arms across his chest.

"We meet once a week to make sure everything is going okay," said Minhyuk, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Sundays are usually the best days for that."

"Where did you meet?"

"At the local ice-cream shop," Minhyuk frowned, trying to remember something. "You know the one near the end of town?"

"The Dairy Berry? Yes, I know which one you're talking about." Jeon gave Yuri a brief nod to confirm that this was a legitimate spot and not something Minhyuk was making up on the spot.

"Gina loves sweet things and I thought it would be easier to take her with me the same day I met Jimin. I think we were there till 10 pm. After that, I dropped Jimin at a bar and drove back home."

"Which bar was this?" asked Yuri.

"Sunset."

"And you drove straight home after that?"

"You can check the dash cam on my car and the security tapes at my apartment building, if you want."

"We definitely will, Mr. Park," said Jeon, surveying him carefully. "In the meantime, you will be in custody until we have verified each and every single thing you just told us. So I suggest you keep yourself hydrated."

Yuri could feel a pair of eyes on her as she spoke to Jisoo and Suho.

"We need to verify everything that Park Minhyuk told us. But there's a lot of ground to cover and we've lost quite a bit of time since the murder of Son Eunbi. So I suggest you recruit some uniformed officers as well." Jisoo jotted down the locations and the times they needed to verify, and nodded to Suho to indicate she had forwarded the details to him. "We need to get the information as soon as possible."

"Will do," said Suho, giving her a reassuring nod.

Yuri waited for them to leave before walking over to the person who had been watching her for a while.

"Did you want to talk about something?" she asked Seulgi.

"I-" Seulgi tugged at her sleek, high ponytail, looking oddly hesitant. She seemed in a better mood than earlier in the morning when she had almost scared one of the interns into leaving the country. "Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah- " Yuri checked the clock on her phone - "just a minute though. I'm waiting for Jeon to get a warrant from Goh."

"Did he-? I mean, Jimin, uh... have you...? You know-" It was strange to see her grappling for words. "Are you certain he's done it?"

Yuri stared at her for a second. This wasn't what she had been expecting Seulgi to talk about. The doctor's relationship with Jimin was even more puzzling than she had originally perceived it.

"We're looking into it right now." She paused, trying to gauge Seulgi's reaction. "But you already know about the blood sample match - that, in itself, is pretty damaging."

"Y-yeah, I know."

Before Yuri could say anything more, Jeon came out of the Chief Inspector's office. "We've got a warrant to search Minhyuk's apartment. Let's go."

Glancing one more time at Seulgi's ashen face, Yuri put on her coat and scarf and followed Jeon out the exit.

Once inside Jeon's car, Yuri debated whether or not she should attempt to engage him in conversation. Her decision was made for her when he drove onto the main road, and lowered the volume of the police scanner.

"What was Seulgi saying?" he asked, his eyes focused on the road.

"Just where we were in the investigation."

"I see."

Yuri fiddled with the button on her coat, itching to say more.

"What's the deal with her and Jimin?" she finally asked.

"I- what do you mean?" Jeon raised his eyebrow and gave her the most puzzled expression he could muster while trying to stay focused on the crazy traffic.

"Their relationship is... weird. He keeps flirting with her, and she is on the verge of ripping his guts out at every given moment. But just now, she seemed almost worried about him."

"I don't really know... they've never really seen eye-to-eye on much." Jeon checked the rear view mirror to make sure he was clear before deftly changing lanes. "Jimin has always been the person who tries his utmost to push everyone's buttons. And Seulgi... well, she has a lot of buttons."

Yuri snorted loudly. "That tells me nothing and everything at the same time. You really have a way with words, Jeon."

He smirked at this, his eyes never leaving the road. "So does that mean you trust me now?"

"No." She looked at him and caught the way his face fell slightly at her response. "But who knows what the future holds..."

The smirk was back.

Ahreum had a terrible headache. She usually didn't get many headaches. So on the rare occasion that she did, it put her in a really terrible mood. The only person who knew how to handle this situation properly was Namjoon. He knew that she needed silence, dim lighting, green tea, fresh bread, and absolutely no unexpected company.

So when Ahreum got home after her grueling 3 hour long meeting, hoping to relax and recuperate, she wasn't too pleased to find Taehyung sitting in her living room, playing a very loud game on his tablet.

"You're back!" he yelled, once she slammed the door to make her presence felt. "I've been waiting for hours. How was your meeting?"

"'S okay," she replied, shortly. Taking off her coat, she opened the middle cabinet in the kitchen and searched for the green tea.

"Great! So do you wanna go and visit Jimin now?"

"No."

"What? Why not? You don't have anything else to do right now. Just come with me. Please!" He had walked into the kitchen and was standing in front of her with a pout on his lips.

As endearing as she always found his antics, Ahreum was at breaking point. She placed the cup on the counter with a loud clink, and turned to face him.

"Because I don't have time to follow you on your every whim, Taehyung. Because I have a life of my own. Because I am studying medicine, which, if you aren't aware, is a very taxing occupation." She paused for a breath, as his mouth fell open in shock. "Because I am not your babysitter. Or your handler. Or your caretaker. And I'm tired of being responsible for you. You're a grown ass adult and it's about time you acted like one."

"Ahreum, I'm-" His eyes were wide and worried, and she felt a tiny sliver of remorse. "I don't think you're my babysitter or handler or whatever. You're my best friend."

"I thought so too. In fact," she said, looking away from him. "I thought we were, or we could be, more."

"W-what? Ahreum?" Taehyung sounded so lost and confused that she was tempted to console him.

She walked to the front door and held it open for him. "I think you should leave now. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Wait! What did you mean by that?" he asked, hesitantly standing at the entrance.

"I'm tired, Taehyung. I don't have the energy to explain everything to you. Now, please," she began closing the door slowly. "I want to rest."

"It's clear!" The uniformed officer confirmed to them, before opening the door further.

"Okay, let's see whether little Gina is here," instructed Jeon, his face drawn into a frown.

Yuri nodded and walked into the room on the left of the large living area. It was a study of sorts, with a large wooden desk, a swiveling chair, and shelves upon shelves of books. She quickly checked to see if there was anyone in the room before shouting "clear!". There was another door connecting to a smaller room, it's walls bathed in bright sunlight and smelling of soft lavender. This was clearly some sort of guest room, judging by the inconsistent decor theme. The furniture looked sleek and modern, but the sheets on the bed were soft and pastel colored. A bunch of soft toys stood leaning against the flat screen tv, and Yuri realised that this was probably the room that had been hastily fixed up for a small child's unexpected stay. And sure enough, soft strands of brown hair peaked through the large covers on the bed.

She walked over to the bed slowly, not wanting to startle the child. Yuri barely managed to stifle a gasp as she looked into the child's clear grey eyes - the same color as both Park Minhyuk and Park Jimin.

"Hello," she said, softly. "Are you Gina?"

The little girl nodded, bringing the covers closer towards her.

"I'm a police officer. I help catch bad people." She didn't respond, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Do you want to go to your dad, Gina?" She nodded vigorously, sitting up at the mention of her father. "Okay, we will. But first, tell me, are you okay? Do you feel pain anywhere?"

The little girl shook her head.

"Are you sleepy?"

Again, she shook her head.

"Are you hungry?"

Slowly, she nodded her head.

"Okay, we'll go and see your dad, and also get you something to eat. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful."

It was just after 2 pm and Yuri felt completely drained. After they had found Gina, she had insisted on returning to the station to ask Jimin about his alibi for the night of Kang Eunwoo's murder. From what she had understood, he had refused to provide an alibi to protect his brother and keep him out of the police's radar until the situation with Gina worked out. Even though she still couldn't get herself to consider him a pleasant person, his desire to protect his brother had humanized him a great deal in her eyes.

Sure enough, once he was made aware that Minhyuk had come forward and spoken about his daughter and the events of the past month and a half, Jimin looked much less hostile than before.

"I was at Sunset from around 10.30 pm to closing time - which is 2 am," he said, sighing tiredly and rubbing his face with his hands. "You can confirm with them."

While Minhyuk and Jimin's alibis were verified, Yuri received a text from Namjoon, asking her and Jeon to meet him at Seokjin's bakery. It was barely a 2 minute drive there, so Jeon suggested they get lunch over there and make it before Goh finished compiling the list of paperwork for them to finish.

The smell of freshly baked milk bread wafted out of the kitchen, adding another layer of warmth to Seokjin's cozy shop. The man in question picked up the large tray filled with various different confections, and brought it over to the table by the window.

"Peach danish and americano for Namjoon, chocolate fudge brownie and vanilla bean ice cream for Jeongguk, and a snow croissant and hot chocolate for Yuri." He placed everything on the table, before grabbing his lukewarm cup of tea and sitting down with them.

"So you finally find the child, then?" asked Seokjin, sipping the tea. He made a face at the odd taste that tea acquires when it's between comfortingly steamy and soothingly chilled.

"Yeah we did," Yuri replied, when her partner remained silent. "Goh is dealing with Minhyuk and the custody charges. It's no longer in our jurisdiction."

"Namjoon, how's grad school treating you?" Seokjin diverted the conversation, realising that his friend wasn't ready to talk about the case at that moment. "How much longer do you have?"

"A few more months and I should be done." Namjoon wiped the pastry flakes from the corner of his mouth and nearly tipped over his americano in the process. Yuri chuckled at this, suddenly remembering those random moments in high school where Namjoon was a lot thinner and less confident, but still had a propensity for knocking things over.

"Remind me why you're putting yourself through this?" Seokjin broke off a piece of the peach danish and popped it into his mouth.

"The last time I tried to explain that, you spaced out and created a new pastry recipe for your menu. As much as I like helping your business flourish, I'm gonna preserve my energy and only talk about things when necessary."

Seokjin chuckled and picked up a spoon from the dispenser. "Jeongguk, can I get a bit of ice cream from you?" There was no response, and looking at him for confirmation Seokjin's eyebrows shot up in alarm.

"Okay okay, I won't eat any of your ice cream. You don't have to tear up about it!"

Yuri and Namjoon turned towards him as well, not sure what to do when they saw tears slowly sliding down Jeongguk's cheeks.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" asked Namjoon, patting his shoulder softly.

They sat in silence, as Jeongguk sobbed softly and wiped his face with his coat sleeve. He turned towards Yuri, his eyes glazed with tears but holding a soft radiance unlike what she was used to.

"Thank you."

Yuri felt her face heat up suddenly. This wasn't what she had been expecting. The soft sincerity in his voice startled her. It was nothing like the person she had met only a week ago. She looked away abruptly and nodded her head.

"There's nothing to thank me for. This is our job."

Jeongguk smiled and resumed eating the disgustingly sweet dessert combination in front of him. He nudged Seokjin to take some ice cream like he had originally intended. There was silence once more, but this time, it was very different.

Back at the station, Yuri finished the paperwork for the day. There was a lot to complete, and since they had stopped at Seokjin's for a break, they had lost some time as well. Goh had been very clear about completing all the paperwork for social services to take over the case from them now that Gina had been found.

It was barely even 5 pm but Yuri felt a large yawn coming on for the third time in the past few minutes. She wasn't sure how long she would be able to carry on without getting proper sleep at night. At this rate, she would eventually burn out. There was only so much coffee could do for her.

A light tap brought her attention to another person standing in her cubicle. She looked up to see Jeon holding two steaming cups of ramen, tilting his head slightly to confirm whether it was okay for him to sit down.

"Did you need anything?" she asked, after moving her slightly. He placed the ramen on her desk and pulled up his own chair and sat down.

"I've got a peace offering," he gestured to the ramen. "I wanted to apologize properly for being an absolute dickhead to you. I-" He hesitated, looking down at his hands that lay clenched on his lap - "I don't really have an excuse for my behavior but I had a lot on my mind. Particularly about finding the little girl. And, well... you really don't know what solving this case means to me."

Once again, Yuri wasn't sure how to react. She felt embarrassed that he was thanking her for doing her job - something that he did as well. While she appreciated his apology, his entire being remained confusing to her.

"Don't worry about it," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "And thanks for the ramen; food is always appreciated."

Thankfully, her computer ping-ed with a new email before the atmosphere could get any more awkward.

"Okay, we've confirmed Minhyuk's alibi's for 2nd November and 15th December. He wasn't involved in either murder. Jimin was with Minhyuk till 10.15 pm on 15th December - his car's dash cam confirms that he dropped Jimin off at Sunset bar around that time."

"Fantastic! And what about the CCTV footage at Sunset? Does it confirm Jimin's story? He said he was there till 2 am."

"Hang on, I'm opening the report. Th-" she stopped abruptly, frowning at the screen.

"What?" asked Jeon, looking over her shoulder to read the email.

"CCTV footage does not place Jimin at Sunset from 10.15 pm till closing time at 2 in the morning. He doesn't have an alibi for Eunwoo's murder."

She turned to look at him, an odd sense of foreboding hitting her as she realized that they would have to charge Jimin for murder by the next evening. He held her gaze, his dark eyes reflecting a similar shadow of doubt.

please reblog and leave a comment if you liked this part! thank you! 😊

#bts fic #jungkook fic #jungkook x oc #jungkook fluff #taehyung #seokjin #namjoon #yoongi #hoseok #bts fluff #bts bookclub #btswritingcafe #bangtanhq #magicshopnet

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vanillatalc · 3 years

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i turn 29 next week (and i am trying to be ok with it lol) so im having an internal review of the past 10 years. LONG POST ALERT

2011 (18-19) - i had a nervous breakdown in march and things were really terrible all year. i dont think i was ever the same after this. (but then - are you ever the same after anything?) i had graduated from high school in 2010 and had no plans or direction for the future really, and things were difficult at home, with my gran dying in march as well, which was my first real bereavement. i was quite lonely as everyone had gone to uni apart from me. i basically spent my time at home, going to appointments, and dodging inpatient care. my mum took time off work to make sure i didnt kill myself, and i think this is the only reason i didnt get commited. i met ben in the summer on tumblr. we were both in a bad place mentally and i was dating someone else (ana, for the drama fans), but he was always very kind to me during the worst year of my life. (the worst year SO FAR!) i may be wrong on the timing here, but 2011 or 2012 was the year my mum was first diagnosed with early stage breast cancer.

2012 (19-20) - i did one final a-level (i ended up with A*AAEU LOOOL) from my bedroom still shaky, but improved enough to go to uni in september to study english literature & linguistics. once there i decided studying literature was an absolute waste of time and not something i’d enjoy anyway so changed to full linguistics. this was something of a rough year too - i hated uni at first and there were a lot of tearful phonecalls home, absolutely hated it. it was the first time i’d been away from home for longer than a few nights. but i stuck it out and managed to get to a point where i didnt exactly enjoy it, but was not crying the entire time, and i was completing all the work anyway. i was still very depressed and anxious the majority of the time, so not a great year.

2013 (20-21) still at uni! in april, I let ben visit me in person for the first time, after months of increasingly intense communications. it went well and very soon afterwards i suspected we’d probably be in it for the long haul. in september i moved out of dorms to a tall and skinny and wildly 70s house in lewes, and the uni experience DRASTICALLY improved. i hate change, so i was still very anxious after moving there, but after i got used to it i really grew to love the town, and i still miss it now. i’d move back in a heartbeat, but it’s probably never going to happen. (coastal, so a bad idea already, and insanely expensive). i was still kind of nuts but slowly improving i think - the lows weren’t as bad as they’d been before.

2014-2015. (21-23) I’m pressing these two together because honestly not much changed. still at uni. did my dissertation on gendered differences in computer-medicated communications. got a 2:1 for the degree. graduated. i was really proud of myself for this, because uni was incredibly difficult to get through, and i managed it. in 2014 i fell in love with a doll (lottie dolls) in a local lewes store (wickle), googled them, and discovered the whole online doll world. i was really inspired to start painting dolls myself, and started doing this in my spare time at uni. moved back home after uni, and decided to see how viable an option this was for a career. it immediately took off, and thankfully i never had to look for a typical job, because i to this day dont think i could cope with one.

2016 (22-24): continued working on dolls from my parents’ house. i transitioned fairly quickly from painting fashion dolls to making wigs for ball-jointed dolls, and that change was very lucrative for me. ana offered me and ben the opportunity to move in with them, because they didn’t want to live in this house alone (lol). i moved here with ben and ana in june. i was still quite unstable, and there were some quite grim periods involving some nasty self-harm.

2017-9 (24-7): literally cannot remember anything that sticks out from these years lol? basically the same as the previous year - living in worcs with ben and ana, working on doll wigs. started playing chess on a whim. started writing fanfiction again in 2018 after nearly a 10y break. joined discord in 2018 and became friendly with a group of people, some of whom im still friendly w/ today. still unstable, still liable to get very distressed at small shit. i spent the majority of 2019 in (private!! >:() therapy, after i became extremely distressed after ben got a cold, but i dont think it helped much.

2020 (27-8): PANDEMIC BABY! also holy fuck can we believe its been 18 months of this shit like seriously? its gone so fucking fast? i, like a lot of other people, had been half-expecting a pandemic for years, so it was not really a shock to me when it happened. i also have OCD so i was already doing everything advised except for masking. basically stopped going outside in 2020, but other than that had a pretty decent time of it hanging out with ben and ana the entire time. as a quite solitary person, it didnt hit me particularly hard, and i think if anything my mental health improved during this period lol. mum’s cancer came back in august, but the doctors believe they got it all (again), and she has the all-clear for now.

2021: (28-9) hello :) here we are! ben proposed in march and i said no! (no sorry not funny i said yes.) slowly but surely improved at chess - now i am quite good. got a second job working for li/chess. passed the anorexia torch to my sister, who is (as of right now) in hospital for it.

at 19: i was frightened, depressed, extremely anxious - so anxious i couldnt eat, most of the time - had little identity outside of mental illness. hobbies were mostly: tumblr, painting, piano.

at (nearly) 29: i am less frightened and less anxious and less depressed. i feel like a real person now. hobbies now: chess, piano, dolls, dioramas, miniatures, ben, tumblr, writing, writing fanfiction specifically. (lol.)

if i have regrets - i regret letting my own insecurities dictate so much of my life. this is still something i am struggling with now - and i hate that it is. i regret letting so many friendships fall by the wayside - or even not giving them a chance - bc of my inability to open up to other people and let them in. i regret letting my own hatred of my body stop me making connections with people. i regret that, because i have done it in the past, but i also still do it, so this is something i need to work on fast so i dont lose any more time to this. i regret spending so much time focusing on everything i hate/d rather than focusing on my capability and potential for joy, fun, humour, learning, skill.

my hopes for the next ten years: marry ben (sooner rather than later, 2023 i hope.), become better at chess (maybe get a title). make new friendships - this is important to me. maybe have an affair for japes. (this is a joke i swear). make peace with my body and my physicality. become better at everything i already do. maybe pick up some more skills on the way, but i dont know what they are yet. pick up relationships that ive dropped in gutters somewhere. become more financially responsible.

#this is such a long and self-indulgent post but like #this is my blog so

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ryugi · 3 years

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hello friends !! i’m kyla ( she/her ) , it’s nice to meet you all and i hope you are ready to meet this knucklehead girl, gi is a miss or hit and is ready to take a lot of risks around town. . . i’ll put some bullet points about her below if you are interested in plotting with us. i’m really excited to write with everyone asap so please don’t be shy and like this, i will slide into your ims in no time <3 btw for the discord lovers hit me on rhy#0273 .

the basics. // guess the 21 YEAR OLD APRIL baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because RYU GI is just as EXASPERATING as the month of APRIL. wait, why do they remind me of KIM YERIM? beyond that, they seemed ADAPTABLE & BRAVE upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of JUDGMENTAL & UNRELIABLE though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 2 / APARTMENT 2 / FLOOR 2 ; SHE seems to have a lot going on with HER job as DJ.

background.

ryu gi was born on april 18 in the year of 1999. her mother is a fashion executive, living alone in new york at the time of her birth, they both lived together in a nyc apartment until gi was about three years old.

when she was three her mother decided it she needed to balance more her career in fashion and her mother life, so she went back to live with her parents in seoul.

while her grandparentes were distant, lacked affection and time they had money and put all their grandaughters wishes in cash.

she was never a bad or an actual rebellious child, but gi slowly became aware that she wasn’t wanted that badly by her blood family and that did made her bitter with time.

after enoumous feuds with her mother, she was sent to a branksome hall asia which is a boarding school in jeju, gi was thirteen at the time.

she didn’t actually hate her time in boarding school, in fact she became much more extrovert after her years away from home. it became a place where she could be more herself, she realized she didn’t exactly needed her family to find love.

when gi was seventeen she graduaded well and went to live with her mom in seoul, but that didn’t work either because her mother was seeing a new guy that was super abusive and weird towards gi.

so on her eighteen birthday gi ran away from home for the first time, she brought a ticket with her mothers money to viena and spent a week there before her grandfather brought her back.

she ran away by stealing her granparents and mother’s money a few times later, but always went back when the money was short. they all turn a blind eye to her behavior, like the attention she was seeking wasn’t enough.

then eventually gi gave up, when she didn’t get into any college she wanted she decided to work for real. it was hard at the begging because she didn’t knew much, but she found something she liked to do and went head into it.

she says she has experience from being a dj from all the parties she snucked into since she was seventeen and left boarding school, and that’s actually true.

personality.

despite her rich girl stunt gi is a very quick learner, she likes living on the edge, observing others and taking advantage of situations. she doesn’t have a great goal in life yet she is surprisingly ambitious, wants to be powerful and live a lavish life on her own terms.

a little hypocritic too because in spite of everything she still goes for her grandparents for money when she needs it, with her own ways of manipulation she always gets what she wants.

gi is a funny gemini girl, indecisive, hard to deal with, very judgmental, but still a honest and kindhearted friend. she doesn’t give up easily, loves changes of scenes.

deep down she wants to have a degree in engineering, chemistry or something nerdy like that, but at the same time she doesn’t plan at all in studying to try for college again.

she loves britney spears and paramore, 90′s pop music, has a scrapbook for every movie she watched since she was fourteen, has an interest in photography even though all the pictures she takes turns out blurry, can’t take care of animals but she has a cactus, black coffee kind of girl.

A LOUD NEIGHBOUR, unfortunally. she blasts music, sings, parties, plays guitar hero, even have loud sex... also her apartment is a mess that she won’t apologize for.

wanted connections.

someone she knows since childhood, it doesn’t matter how they background match or not could be from school or something similar. friends, enemies, lovers, anything!

someone that was nice enough to let her crash for a few days when she ran away from home in her eighteens, they could be friends or just acquaintacce anyways gi feels like she is in debt with your muse.

someone she is a horrible friend to, they were good once but now they changed and can’t accept each other so they are bitter and mean instead of just ending things.

party friends!! they aren’t necessarily important for each other, but they are there when things are fun and glittery. might even do crazy things together.

feuds with neighbourhoods, calling my april babies! someone that just hates having gi as their neighbour, they get in arguments everytime they see each other. we can develop this in a lot of ways!

fwb!! one, two, three.. i don’t care how many, neither their gender, just want some.

someone gi has feelings for, good ones, like love ones, that she can’t express so she just wonders around this person like a dumb bitch. they probably have no idea!

an ex boyfriend/girlfriend that ended in bad terms, she most definitely wasn’t the best girlfriend while they were daiting and both left with a broken heart.

i will be uptading this once i think of more !! but if you had any other ideas lmk too

#dallyeog:intro #guess i should maybe tag as #tw: long post #heello #here is almost 11pm but hey #what is time right?#like this and count 3 secs #ill be on your ims kjk #ty goodnight

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knoxhq · 4 years

Text

► ( rudy pankow & cis male ) according to the school’s records, knox drury is a 22-YEAR-OLD senior studying political science, and he lives over in moriarty. he is a gemini, so that must be why others describe him as dignified, humorous, cowardly and naive. when i see him, i’m reminded of walking into class an hour late with sunglasses on, the feeling of anticipation as you wait for a firework to fully blossom, the sound of party music leaking through the walls of a bathroom. ( gibby, 20, they/them, est. ) ◄

hello everyone !! so i won’t even lie to u guys, i am NERVOUS and it’s literally only bc this is the first group i’ve joined in so long like dfdhkjsfjad the last group i was in was almost a year ago but i ended up having to leave due to personal reasons and didn’t get to write so like !!! idk i’m excited !! anyways w that in mind, pls bARE with me bc i have like one (1) braincell and i forgot how to write intros. anyways enough of me rambling, lemme give you knox !!

also this is a bad intro pls dont judge me im trying 2 like. rewrite what i had b4 the storm took it out n like, i lost the braincell

basics.

full name: knox hale drury.

nicknames: drury.

age: twenty two.

gender and pronouns: cis male and he/him

sexual & romantic orientations: bisexual, biromantic, femme leaning.

major: political science.

housing: moriarty.

backstory.

triggers: implied bullying, police and incarceration ( dw i didn’t make him jj 2.0 ).

nobody gets to pick their beginnings. it’s something that people tell knox all the time, hell, it’s plastered in every stupid coming of age movie, book, film, everything he’s ever seen. you don’t pick who your born into, you don’t pick who you get to be. and to an extent, he does think that this is true but he can’t help but wonder if maybe, if people could pick, if they’d pick differently. because he knows he certainly would pick differently.

it’s not that he even came from a bad home - hell no, he had the most loving family ever. his mother was a saint, a warm sensation bubbling up in his chest when he thinks about her warm cookies or the way she tried to still tuck him in even as a teenager. his father had his flaws, we all do, but he was a good and honest man. hardworking, he showed knox what that stupid american dream is that everyone likes to preach about.

no, it had nothing to do with them but rather the overall opinion on him and his family. see, the drury’s weren’t well liked - they were seen as lowlives and as shady, the kind of people who you’d only go to if you wanted to get stabbed in the back. generations of drury’s fit this narrative but no, his father was determined to change that. and so was he, even if nobody around him seemed to want to give him a chance.

knox would go throughout school with this name attached to him like a dagger to his throat - whisperings in the hallway of, “oh, my mom said the drury boy might be steal things if you let him over,” and other random, rude remarks. of course, the people that get close to him know better - they see him for who he really is.

that person is knox. he’s a golden light, often more selfless than the rich pricks who run that small town. he’d give his jacket or umbrella to people even if they didn’t ask if it just so happened to be raining outside, and despite the fact that his family didn’t have a lot, he’d still go out of his way to try to give when he could.

he eventually graduated high school - one of the top people in his class due to his father’s encouragement, and after a lot of debate, settled on attending haddon university - miles away from that sweet, small little hometown he knew, but a fresh start where he didn’t have to work for anything. he could just go in being him, with nobody attaching a new narrative to him. it was what he wanted, what he dreamed of.

and he loved it. his first semester there was memorable as he found himself surrounded by new friends and people he even considered family. back home, however, things were slipping.

the drury family was never rich, ever by any means, but business was low. nobody wanted to go there, fearing that his father was just as shady as his grandfather. as things got worse, his father had to resort to other needs - stealing, lying about taxes, and doing everything he could to try to make it by.

it finally caught up to him when knox came home for spring break - red and blue lights flashing outside as loud noises went on throughout the house, until finally someone swung knox’s door open and briefly blinded him with a flashlight, demanding to know where his father was. by the time knox got a grasp on the situation, his father was being rushed off in the back of a cop car.

he plead guilty almost immediately and for the next few months, knox did school from home to stay with his mother. it was then that he switched his major from what had initially been just a vague, business degree to political science in hopes of going into law after getting that degree - a way of changing things, of helping people so they never got to that point.

for now though, he’s gone back to haddon’s campus where he study’s away and occasionally finds himself slipping and partying, glasses always covering his eyes as he slinks back class, getting almost nO sleep every night.

study.

so i need u to know right now... knox is baby, FDSHJDFSHAJK

like he’s not by any means like he’s kinda a gross dude like, absolutely randomly burps n is like lol oops n shit, very little manners, will grab clothes off of the floor to put them on kind of man BUT LIKE as a whole ?? he means very well FDSJFAHJ he’s very gentle and will sit there and admire flowers on a bush and then get mad if u pick one bc ur hurting it like. he’s baby.

he also is very loyal to the ppl he’s friends w tbh like. damn he will never leave ur side

that also makes him kinda... super, actually, naive. you see, while knox is incredibly loyal, he often finds himself ignoring signs of toxicity for the sake of preserving a friendship - he fights for people who won’t fight for him, he lets people back in too easily, he just. he sees the good in everyone, even if there isn’t any good.

regardless, he’s not easy to just... manipulate to an extent. while he’ll fall for you being innocent, you can’t ever try to make him think he’s something he’s not - he knows his intentions and he knows they’re usually pure and he’s not gonna fold for anyone if it comes down to him or them.

bt like again he’s baby

like i dont think he ever gets mad but damn when he does its probs scary as shit like bc he nEVER gets mad !!! hes like. a golden retriever ig

if u cannot tell im trying really hard not to make him too much like jj bc i realize that might be a big thing ppl do n i dont think jj is baby bt like. knox? knox is baby DSFHJKFDHKJ

he’s just. idk. he’s very protective and cares about his friends a lot and will walk you home even if you went to HIS place and like is always ready to give you a jacket if it’s raining and he’s just lowkey a big, kinda dumb at times, teddy bear and i think that’s valid tyvm

wanted connections.

friends. — please. knox will lOVE ur muses just let him be their friend tyvm plus he’s a bit of a social butterfly now and i think he’d honestly have a lot of friends.

best friend. — i’m gonna keep this to one muse bc idk i think it’d be really cute if knox got to have his own like, ride or die where they care abt him as much as he cares about them and they’re always there for each other and like !!! that’s cute !!! also found family trope bc i think that is.. again, kyoot, ty

frienemies. — so these are always like, super fun to plot out and i think there’s a lot to work w here... like give me ppl who are happy that knox is loyal and would defend them but would push knox to the side n not do the same for him... also friendships where knox fucked up ?? where knox, despite his goodness, couldn’t keep his mouth shut and revealed a secret to their friend group bc u see he can kinda be a gossip fsjfdaskj. idk there’s a lot u can do n i’d love to brainstorm!

enemies. — pls. like. we can brainstorm this too so i dont just ramble but pLEASE?? please.

flings. — honestly romantic ships are not the point of rps but romantic flings and stuff can be really fun to plot and i love getting soft about them so like ?? idk dude lets fling it up n have muses date for two weeks n then break up like thats swexi, dramatic, 10/10

exes. — i mean this is kind of like flings but i have an idea... give me an ex of knox’s who really was like. everything knox wanted. hell, the two had a really good relationship - they were in love and etc etc gushy details but they ended up breaking up bc they just. they weren’t meant to be! as sad as it is like it was as simple as that! and then the angst comes in after they break up bc god they still love each other so much but they just aren’t meant to be and they see them with other people and oh it just hurts but like, bonus points if they manage to become good friends even after this !! (sidenote, idk i wouldn’t want this to be a full ship tht gets back together bc idk i think there’s a bittersweetness in stuff like this n its just. like. its ok !!! idk !!! )

roommates. — and they were roomates- fdshjkfdsahjk

other things. — honestly these are half assed plots but i’m down for anything !!! i’m still fleshing out knox a lil too bc i really did make him on the spot so pls bare w me :)

#had:intro #bullying tw #police tw #arrest tw #incarceration tw #again i did nOT make him jj dont worry dfsahjfd #also this intro is bad pls do not look at me #alcohol mention

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lizardgirlie · 4 years

Note

(Part 1) Hi! I really appreciate your blog! In a nutshell im writing this because I feel like I can't live my life honestly. I'm in university because thats what everyone does but I would've preferred to marry right after high school and start having children but it's difficult to find a man who still views that as a real job (an ex boyfriend once called me lazy). and my parents would never accept me dropping out just to wait to get married. I've been told to try finding a husband in a church

(part 2) but I'm not religious and it feels dishonest to join a church just to find a husband. I hide a lot of this still from my friends as they often make fun of my femininity and imply that I don't have real life goals (and thats from what I show them so I couldn't imagine what i'd get if I was completely honest). I couldn't picture a better future than being a SAHM in a small town. I'm 22 and getting to the point where I don't know how to make that happen as I was born so far from it

(Part 3) I feel like I don't know where this is coming from, my family isn't religious and I was always told to think about my future career. Not that my parents were shaming femininity and pushing me towards any certain career, just that my parents were happy having careers and probably assumed I would too. Anyway it just seems like you figured out how to be confident about owning traditional femininity and found a way to live it. This was so long so even if you only read half of it, thank you

hello dear! sorry it took me a day to get to this, i saw your message yesterday and wanted to sit down at my computer and type out a good response to it rather than trying to do it all on mobile. I, and probably a lot of other women in this community, understand what you’re going through on a very personal level. In modern day, femininity, especially the traditional kind, is completely shamed by almost everyone you meet. You’re called lazy, told you lack ambition, and basically scorned for wanting to take care of your own home and raise your own children. I’ve always found it a bit funny how people think wanting a thriving marriage and children is “lazy”, yet we live in a culture of divorce where nannies and underpaid daycare workers raise our children who end up having behavior problems. It’s very frustrating and oftentimes I want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them to wake them up to this. If you believe a successful marriage, well run home, and well behaved children with good values are something that just happens and not something that takes an astronomical amount of effort and work, don’t be surprised when this culture continues. But you already know that, or you wouldn’t be messaging me and choosing this lifestyle, so I won’t bore you with my ranting :)

I’m going to go through your message in order to make sure I hit everything you asked about!

You and I are the same age. It is extremely normal to feel somewhat lost at this age, and those of us who have figured out what we want feel very out of place among our peers. Especially if what we want goes against the mainstream narrative. If I had it my way, I’d already be married to my boyfriend by now, with a kid on the way or here. You’ve already done the hard part: figuring out your place in the world and what you want from it. The next hard part is finding a partner who has those same values. A lot of people on here really do like to recommend finding a man through church. I’ve never been very religious, I’m only moderately so now, and I didn’t find my boyfriend through church. This advice wasn’t useful to me then and it’s not useful to you now. You’re correct when you say it would feel very dishonest to just join a church to find a husband, and a good man is going to value honesty. Truthfully, there’s no one place you can go to to find a good match. There’s not exactly a group meeting of traditionally minded people in every city or town. But you can be proactive in seeking out a good man. My advice would be to look into potential groups at your university. Conservative political ones, to be more specific. I’d stay away from TPUSA, YAF, etc. though, as these people tend to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. They’re just social liberals who want low taxes. Many TPUSA members readily admit people only go to their events and conferences to hook up, drink, and smoke. Stay away from these types or risk wasting time. Other potential places are book clubs, online (be careful with this one. I can make a post specifically on this topic if you want--just message me), local political clubs not through your university, and in general day to day life. A lot of people have something in common with you: they hide their beliefs and this aspect of themselves for fear of mistreatment. You won’t know until you ask. Despite what you may come to believe from twitter and other social media, this movement is growing. Generation Z is set to be one of the most conservative generations in recent history.

As for dealing with criticism from your friends and parents, this one is extremely tough. I have always had extremely thick skin. I’ve kind of just done my own thing for as long as I can remember and not taken any sh*t from anyone who has something to say about it. This is easier said than done if this kind of thing isn’t naturally in your wheelhouse, which it’s not for most women. I take criticism seriously, but I know who to take it from as well. The people that matter and know what they’re talking about. Not to rag on your friends, but most people who give you a hard time for your choices seldom know what they’re talking about. If you were to take a random poll, most people are not very happy with their lives or their choices. They are easily brainwashed and influenced by the mainstream media/culture. This brainwashing leads to poor choices that make them miserable, which the media then tells them are their own empowering decisions they make for themselves. A good example of this is casual sex and hook up culture. If I were you, I’d work on finding new friends as well. Another thing easier said than done, but to me, it sounds like your friends are projecting their own “wants” (whether it’s what they *actually* want though...that’s a whole different can of worms) onto you and treating you like you’re stupid for wanting something else. Your parents criticism is something to take seriously, but not something to compromise your values over. You say they wouldn’t accept you dropping out, but are you sure about that? Statistically most women who have kids end up wanting to stay home with them. A task thats extraordinarily difficult to do if you have mountains of debt from student loans getting a degree that almost certainly does not matter. You’re the one taking on the debt, you’re the one who should be making that choice. I’m willing to bet if you dropped out and got a decent job they wouldn’t be nearly as angry as you’re thinking. Perhaps writing them a letter expressing your views and why you’re doing what you’re doing could be less intimidating than trying to come into it cold and face to face. You could even approach it from the point of not knowing what career you want to pursue, and therefore don’t want to waste time and money studying something that isn’t going to pan out. I personally only went to college because I was guaranteed to graduate almost entirely debt free (I just graduated with around $2k in total debt). You could even look into a trade. In my opinion, avoiding debt is best. That in mind, it is also a good idea to work and build some wealth of your own to bring into your marriage/relationship.

I hope this helped you and if you have any other questions you can message me! <3

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aftgficlibrary · 5 years

Note

best fics of 2018?

This is so subjective so some of our staff are gonna put our 2018 favs here below!!

Cassy

This is my favorite fic ever and the author just started updating it again so im in tears all the time

i’m here right now (just be here right now with me) by Talls (M | 27,606 | 3/7)

Neil first meets Andrew with a racquet to the stomach in a locker room when he’s eighteen. Andrew first meets Neil with a hushed conversation on a beach in California when he’s five. They still manage to meet on rooftops, fall in love, find family, and heal together, just not quite at the same time and definitely not in the same order.

(In other words, Andrew is the Time Traveler’s wife.)

This fic is so soft and pretty

Translation Errors by SensationalSunburst (Not rated | 3,127 | 1/1)

“Andrew doesn’t love me,” Neil said simply, “So if he has a love language, I don’t know it.”“Oh, honey.” Allison drawled, “You don’t actually believe him when he says he hates you, do you?”

Lucky by sunrise_and_death (T | 4,328 | 1/1)

At thirteen, he’d lived in eleven different cities, gone by as many different names, and seen his reaper twenty-eight times. Some people would have called him lucky.

Live Once More (This Time Will Be Better) bypurpleeyesandbowties (T | 2,457 | 1/1)

Very carefully so as to not wake his roommates presumably sleeping off a night of regrettable choices, Andrew pulled a notebook towards him and opened to a fresh page to make a list. Two lists, actually. Changes to make and things to keep the same. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to sort out what was important.

To change:get off pillsno Kathy no Seth dying (Neil was upset)no Thanksgivingno winter at Evermoreno Baltimorekill Riko soonerkill Nathan myself

Keep the same:get Neil to the Foxes

Maz:

changing tides - titanic au by missbolton (M | Incomplete | 4/5)

When Nathaniel Hartford boards the RMS Titanic, it is a death sentence. He will be shipped to New York with his brutal father and his soon-to-be wife, Lola. There’s no escape.

Until he meets third-class artist Andrew Minyard.

if you’re lost you can look (and you will find me) by paleromantic (T | Incomplete | 5/?)

Neil Josten jerked awake, his cigarette falling from his fingers as he did. The frigid air bit at his arms, his neck, his face, but he didn’t notice, too busy looking around.

“What the fuck.”

Neil and Andrew wake up back in Millport, and get the chance to start over.

I’m Just Killing Time by thesaroscycle (T | 10,666 | 1/1)

He was sat in the most comfortable armchair in the back, the book in his lap closed but well-worn and dog-eared, one of the things that annoyed Bee to no end. His glasses sat on the table next to him, along with the hot chocolate Bee had made earlier in the morning that had gone cold. He stared out the window into a cloudless blue sky, squinting at the late morning sun and blurry trees. It was getting warm enough outside for the frost to melt on the grass, and late enough for people to start coming in. He couldn’t wish more for fall, when the sky would be gray and the chill would last all day rather than just early morning. Everything seemed to be holding its breath for the coming summer, for longer days and warmer mornings. Andrew couldn’t be less excited for summer; of all their town’s 70-degree-high summers, it was still hot enough for Andrew to melt in his stubbornly consistent black wardrobe.

Paper Skies by exybee (T | 4,662 | 1/1)

Andrew’s a quiet librarian who treats his library much like how he treats his person. He spends his time searching for the color blue in hopes of finding something real, but when he meets Neil Josten, he finds that maybe blue isn’t the only thing out there.

Or, Neil’s a kaleidoscope of colors, and Andrew gets a lesson in self-care.

Atlas:

Honey, we should run away by allyasavedtheday ( T | 8,836 | 1/1)

“We’re moving on soon,” his mom says casually as she’s plating up their food. As if it’s an inconsequential detail and not something that rocks Neil to his core.

“Why?” he asks, keeping his voice calm and measured like she taught him to do if he was ever taken.

“We’ve been here too long,” she says like it’s obvious, setting down a plate of pasta in front of him.

“It’s only been ten weeks,” he can’t help pointing out. Ten weeks with Andrew. Ten weeks that aren’t enough.

“That’s over two months,” she retorts, neatly spearing a piece of pasta with her fork. “Two more weeks and we’re leaving. Just as soon as I have everything organised.”

Andrew and Neil meet when Neil is on the run with his mother.

Show Me How You by smokesprite ( Not Rated | 6,825 | 1/1 )

“They thought they would stop the show; they thought they could cut the act, but Neil had been sulking around too long now to not know where all the necessary equipment was. He was a ghost, and he would do the ghost dance, goddammit.”

Neil is a ghost with a house to haunt, but the Moxie Foxy Burlesque Troupe refuses to be chased off. If you can’t beat em…join em.

Aaron:

stay as long as you need by lolainslackss (T | 2,955 | 1/1)

The soulmate timer counts down to your soulmate’s death. Apparently, Andrew’s soulmate doesn’t have long to live.

Oh, Catastrophe by TheKingIsDead (witch_lit) (T | 1,447 | 1/1)

Aaron and Katelyn are at a concert and Aaron can’t shake the feeling that the drummer is familiar.

it’s a long way down byionlyloveyouironically (T | 6,506 | 1/1)

The sound of rushing water, the moon overhead, bare feet on a muddy riverbank, and a weeping woman reaching a dead hand out.

Scout

A Mewment Like This by fuzzballsheltiepants (T | Incomplete | 9 Works)

tenuous by undertow (cendal) (M | 7,431 | 1/1)

Neil Josten is trying to learn to be a normal person. He has an apartment and a cat. He goes to therapy every Wednesday. He has friends and attends their study group regularly. He eats lunch with his best friend’s brother.The hardest part is letting people in, but he thinks that one day he’ll get there.Series: Part 1 of all of me wants all of you

The Continuing Adventures of the Nine-Nine by gluupor (G | Complete | 10 Works)

A series of short, ridiculous, mostly plotless stories featuring the Foxes as the cops of the Ninety-Ninth Precinct.

Back to the Start by fuzzballsheltiepants (T | 29,277 | 11/11)

Andrew has been on his pro team for 6 months when he takes a ball to the head. Neil flies to Boston to see him - only to find that Andrew doesn’t remember him.

Rachel

Funky Happenings with the Fox Family by dobbypussypopper (Not Rated | Incomplete | 17/?)

naughtygayweedcrime: did I rlly just see neil say woke

naughtygayweedcrime: what a surreal timeline we live in

dumbfool: allison is trying to teach me how to meme so I can get hip

naughtygayweedcrime: bless your poor soul

davidwymack: sometimes I regret living

davidwymack has muted exyllent, damnwilds, + 7 others for 30 minutes

The Real Folk Blues by moonix, nefelibata (E | 42,365 | 4/4)

Captain David Wymack and the bounty hunter crew of the Bebop spaceship might be a little out of their depths chasing down the infamous hacker and notorious runaway Neil Wesninski, whose bounty exceeds even Kevin’s wildest dreams. Worst of all, Andrew might actually enjoy it.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

a world alone by ephemeralsky (T | 54,850 | 6/6)

“It will not be cheap,” Andrew finally says.

“I know,” Wymack says. “Two bottles of Johnnie Walker sound good to you?”

“Four,” Andrew says without missing a beat. He thinks about having to deal with Nicky later on, about the additional work he has to do, and decides that he will not do anything for less.

“Three,” Wymack argues.

“Four or we have no deal.”

Wymack mutters something about blood-sucking hooligans under his breath before he concedes with a, “Fine.”

(or: a High School AU where only some of them are high-schoolers)

#andreil #aftgfl ask #graphic depictions of violence #theme:bestOf2018

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quickeningheart · 5 years

Text

Eighteen

Charley draped her arms over the back of the sofa, sipping her coffee as she watched her cousin race back and forth, preparing for her first day of school. Vinnie sat beside her on the couch, and Modo and Throttle were in the kitchen, taking surreptitious glances around the doorway as they cleaned up the breakfast dishes. All three mice seemed completely mystified by Alley’s behavior.

When she headed down the hall, abruptly stopped halfway, and turned around to make a beeline back to her bedroom, Charley couldn’t take it anymore.

“Alley. Alley!”

The frazzled blonde screeched to a halt, looking over her shoulder with wide eyes. “What?”

“Will you please relax?” Charley held up her mug with a grin. “You’re makin’ my coffee very nervous.”

Alley blinked, then broke into a sheepish grin of her own. “Sorry. It’s just … I’m nervous. And excited. And nervous.”

“What’s the big deal?” Vinnie scoffed. “It’s just school. Ain’t that a normal thing around here?”

“It’s not just school. It’s college. It’s like … like jumping from the little leagues straight into the big ones!” Alley protested.

“That’s right, boys. Our little Alley has to put on her big girl panties now. She’s playin’ with the grownups,” Charley teased.

“You, shush!”

A pair of balled-up socks was launched her way, almost landing in the mug. Charley managed to catch them without spilling too much coffee, and tossed them back. “And why are you taking an extra pair of socks?” she asked curiously.

Alley blinked down at them, then threw her arms into the air. “I don’t know!” she wailed as she stomped back to her room.

Charley leaned her forehead against the couch and laughed.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Modo asked with amused concern.

“Don’t worry, big guy. First day jitters.” She offered a reassuring grin. “We all got ‘em. College is kind of a big deal, and I think her parents are expecting a lot from her, especially her mom.”

“Did you attend college?” Throttle wanted to know.

“Hmmm.” She finished off her coffee; Vinnie instantly got to his feet to fetch her a refill, and she offered a grateful smile along with the mug. “Sort of,” she replied to Throttle’s question. “I graduated high school a few years ahead of everyone else my age, and I took some courses at a local technical school, just to supplement my knowledge and get an official business degree. I’ve always known what I wanted to do, though, and I already had the work experience, thanks to my dad and uncle. So I never felt the need for the whole college thing like Alley’s doing. Still, I do know how it feels, moving out on your own for the first time and all. It is exciting, and kinda scary. Nobody’s there to hold your hand anymore, ya know?”

“Don’t worry, babe. I’ll always hold your hand when ya need it.” Vinnie plopped down beside her, handing her the mug and taking her free hand to press a soft kiss into her palm. His red eyes glowed with impish humor as she blushed at his charming actions. Throttle and Modo looked at each other knowingly and grinned.

Alley made a reappearance, dragging a large, rolling backpack behind her that looked a bit like a miniature, bag-shaped version of her van. She set the gaudy pack by the stairway.

“Are you bringing your entire library?” Charley asked, amused.

“They’re my textbooks. And my computer.”

“Do you need all the books? That’s a lot of extra weight to drag around. What classes do you have today?”

“Lessee … Schedule…” Alley frowned. “Schedule…?” She patted herself down, eyes widening. “Schedule!” She turned on her heel and made a mad dash for her room, much to the amusement of her audience.

“Girl’s gonna give herself a stroke before she makes it out the door,” Throttle observed with a chuckle, shaking his head.

She reappeared with a thick yellow envelope and her phone. “I need a favor. Can someone take my picture? Mom demands pictures of my first day. I’ll never hear the end of it if she doesn’t get any.” She offered the phone with a pleading expression.

Laughing, Charley held out her hand, but Throttle intercepted. “Stand with her. I’ll take one of you together,” he said.

“Great idea!” Alley grabbed her cousin by the arm and hauled her to the bare wall. “Say cheese!” she teased, giggling at Vinnie’s snort.

Charley stood stiffly and managed an awkward smile, clearly not used to being in front of a camera. Alley, on the other hand, snapped off a playful pose, flashing a double thumbs-up with a brilliant grin, hamming it up with practiced ease. The flash went off, and she relaxed, accepting the phone from Throttle. “Thanks!” She studied at the picture. “Hey, this thing has a great camera. Charley, why do you look constipated?”

“Oh, shut up.” The mechanic laughed as she delivered a playful shove.

“Is someone honking outside?” Modo rumbled, head cocking to the side as he listened. They fell silent, and in another moment, the faint sound of a car horn drifted in through the open window.

“Oh! That must be Chex.” Alley slipped the phone into her pocket. “She’s giving me a ride to the campus today since we have some of the same classes.”

“Not Chris?” Charley slid her a coy glance.

“I think he would’ve, except Chex beat him to it,” Alley replied with a laugh, hoisting the heavy bag onto her shoulder.

“That was nice of her.”

“Nah. She only offered ��cause she’s hoping I’ll convince one of you guys to give her a ride on your bikes.”

They all stared at her. She flashed a hopeful grin. “Just one? Doesn’t have to be far. Around the block, even. Oh, and when I say ‘one of you’, I’m pretty sure she means you, specifically.” She turned her smile on Modo, who straightened at the sudden attention.

“Why me?” he asked, confused.

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe ‘cause you saved her life? And she’s got a serious case of hero-worship as a result?”

He looked flustered as Throttle and Vinnie snickered behind his back. “I’ll, uh, think about it.”

The horn sounded again, sounding even more impatient. “Alright, I’m comin’!” Alley huffed to no one in particular as she bounded down the stairs.

The four of them stared after her for a moment, before Charley sniggered. “So,” she began amicably, “bets on how long it takes her to figure out she’s not wearing shoes?

~*~*~*~*~

“You’re such a blonde,” Chex snorted as Alley slid into the passenger seat of the little, silver-blue Accent (after scrambling back up the stairs to retrieve her shoes amid hoots of laughter from the peanut gallery).

“Yeah, yeah. Just drive,” she grumbled, hauling her heavy pack into the car with her. “Sweet little ride, by the way. I sorta figured you'd drive up in a hearse or something.”

“Don't I wish.” Chex pulled a face. “The step monster gave it to me. Said I needed a reliable car that’s good on gas mileage.”

“She gave you a car?”

“Yeah, she’s the type who likes to buy her way into the hearts of children.” Chex sniggered. “Hey, a free car is a free car. I just make sure I park it way back so people don’t see me in it. It totally does not fit my image.” She was silent a few minutes, before sliding Alley a sideways glance. “Sooooo … did you ask ‘im?”

Alley laughed. “He said he’d think about it. Keep badgering him; I think you’re wearing him down. He's not the type to turn down a lady's request.”

“Sweet.”

“Oh, yeah! I almost forgot. Since we were speaking of step monsters, Chris said yours works a lot with jewelry appraising and stuff. Do you think she could help me and Charley out? We got some antique jewelry and loose gems and wanted to try and sell ‘em, but we need to know the value and find buyers and stuff.”

“Yeah? What do you got?”

Alley opened the front pocket of her bag, withdrawing the sapphire and diamond necklace Stoker had left behind. “Here’s an example.”

Chex’s eyes widened as she took a good look; quickly turned her attention back to the road when someone honked loudly. “Holy shit, is that thing real?”

“As far as I know.”

“Where’d you get it?”

“It was a gift from Stoker.”

“Some gift! And you say there's more?”

“Yeah. I guess precious gems and stuff aren't worth much to the mice. Stoker got what he needed from 'em—like the gold and most of the diamonds—and handed the rest over. Good thing, too, 'cause Charley could really use the money they'd bring in.”

“She in trouble or something?”

“Or something. Can't really talk about it. But do you think your step-mom could help out?”

“Yeah, sure.” Chex shrugged. “I guess you can try and arrange a meeting with Victoria. I’ll give you the number to her office and tell Chris to let her know you’ll be calling. She'd probably be more open to helping if the request comes from him. She doesn't like most of my friends.”

Alley didn't quite know what to say to that. “Well, thanks, that’ll be really helpful. I'm sure Charley and the guys'll be grateful, too.”

“Cool. Think it’ll earn me some points toward scoring a ride?”

Alley laughed and rolled her eyes.

~*~*~*~*~

Chex showed Alley the most direct way to get to the main campus through Chicago, warning her to leave at least two hours ahead of time to avoid any potential delays such as mid-town traffic jams. Most of the professors did not take kindly to tardy students, and wouldn't let her into the class if she arrived late, no matter what sort of excuse she had. Luckily, they had no such issues and made it to the campus with plenty of time to spare. They parted ways in the parking lot with promises to meet for lunch, as their first classes were in different buildings. Alley used the opportunity to give herself another lightning tour of the campus; now that the maps had all been switched back to their proper places, it was much easier to figure out where she was. She also made a mental note to check out the secondary campus in the middle of the city, where her first business classes would be held the following day.

However, it shortly became apparent that she wouldn't be taking those business courses any time soon. Or any of her other courses, for that matter. No sooner had she signed in on the roster and chosen a seat, the young student assistant taking attendance called her back to the desk.

"Sorry, Miss Davidson, but your name isn't on my list," he began, his bored tone suggesting that this wasn't the first time he'd had to make this announcement to a new pupil. "This is Music Composition 101. Check your schedule."

Alley clenched her teeth, annoyed by the insinuation that she'd gone to the wrong class. "No need. I know my schedule," she replied with as much politeness as she could muster. No need to take it out on him; he was just doing his job, after all, and she didn't doubt he'd already had to send other students on their way to the correct classrooms. But she wasn't one of them, darn it!

At his obvious skepticism, she pulled the thick envelope from her bag and riffled until she found her schedule, handing it over with pursed lips. "Right there.” She tapped the page. “Music Composition at ten o'clock. Room 317."

He glanced over it, handed it back with a shrug. "Must be a scheduling error. You'll have to take it up with the office." He went back to his roster, a clear dismissal.

She stared at him. "What, you mean … now? But class is about to start!"

He shrugged again. "Sorry, but the rules are if you're not on the roster, you can't attend the class. Better get it figured out and make sure there aren't any other conflicts." Seeing her expression, he softened. "Look, Professor MacDougall is running late today. Her kid has an ear infection or something and her nanny just quit on her. I'm taking over for her until she can get here. The class lasts two hours. You can probably get it sorted in more than enough time. Come back with a note from the office, and I'll let you sit in the remaining time. If Professor MacD shows up, I'll explain the situation."

"Yeah, okay. I'll do that." Alley wasn't very happy with the solution, but at least he was trying to help. She hoisted her heavy bag and started for the office, grumbling to herself. What a way to start off her college career!

~*~*~*~*~

"What do you mean my scholarship's been revoked?"

Alley gaped at the secretary, wondering if she'd started hallucinating for some reason. Delayed effects of Stoker's miracle cure, by chance? She would skin that mouse alive when she saw him again!

The secretary—Her name was Mary, Alley recalled—was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, tapping away at the computer and nervously adjusting her wire-framed glasses. "Um, you see, there has been some discrepancy with your SAT scores—"

"What kind of discrepancy?" Alley growled. "I passed those tests with more than enough points to earn my scholarship! I studied my ass off to get those scores!"

"Please lower your voice, Miss Davidson." Looking distressed, Mary adjusted her glasses again. "You see, I am very sorry, but there appears to be some … concern over how you … acquired your high scores."

Alley's eyes narrowed. "I. Studied."

"Are you certain that is the only way you passed?"

She felt like she'd just been kicked in the gut. "Are you actually accusing me of cheating?"

Mary cleared her throat. "Please, lower your voice," she repeated, more firmly. "The fact is, through most of your academic history, your scores have always been … less than spectacular." She adjusted her glasses yet again; Alley was sorely tempted to rip them off her face and stomp on them. "Yet you managed to pass your SATs with scores that put you within the top fifteen percent of the entire country. That is no simple feat. You must realize how … suspicious it all looks."

"Slacking off does not make me a cheater," Alley hissed. "I was just lazy. I never cheated on anything in my life! And I'll have you know that in my last two years, I completely turned it around, got As and Bs in all of my classes. Or does that not count for anything?"

Mary pursed her lips, then calmly swiveled her computer monitor until it faced Alley. Puzzled, she gave it a cursory glance. And then her jaw dropped as what she was seeing registered.

It was her permanent school record. Only it wasn't. All four of her high school years were displayed clearly on the screen, except that for two of them, the high scores that should have been there seemed to have been replaced with grades that could only be described as abysmal. Even her art and writing classes—her favorite subjects in school—barely covered passing ground.

"Are you kidding me?" she screeched, ignoring the secretary's glare. "With scores like that I wouldn't have even passed high school, much less made it into college!"

"Yes, that is exactly my point," Mary replied primly.

Alley massaged her temple, where a headache was steadily forming. "And you seem to be completely missing mine," she growled. "Those are not my grades. I've been … set up or something!"

"Why would anyone set you up?" The secretary looked more than a little skeptical.

"I don't know!" Alley threw her hands into the air. "Maybe some bored student decided to play a mean prank and picked me at random. It happens, right? That thing with the maps? And it's not like computers can't be hacked or anything!"

"Our system security is top-notch. Not just anyone can break into it." Mary looked offended at the very suggestion; Alley decided that mentioning how easily her cousin could probably break in wouldn't really help her case at the moment.

"Then it's some bizarre glitch in the system," she muttered, struggling to think of any answer. "I took those tests a year ago. If I'd really cheated, wouldn't someone have figured it out way before now? I mean, I was in here with the dean's kids last week filling out forms! Remember? Why didn't you bring up this situation then? It sure would've saved me a lot of hassle now."

Finally, a hint of doubt in the secretary's eyes, before her expression firmed. "I am very sorry for all of this trouble, Miss Davidson. I promise I will look into the matter and see if it can be resolved in a satisfactory manner."

"And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Can I go back to class?"

"I'm sorry, but that just isn't possible at this time. As I said, your funding has been revoked. All of your classes have been canceled. Until this situation is resolved, policy states that you cannot attend this school."

Alley started to panic. "But keeping my scholarship depends on me maintaining my grade point average! If I can't attend those classes, I'll flunk out by default, and I'll lose it all anyway, even if I manage to get it back! It could take weeks to get it all sorted. It'll all be for nothing!"

Mary was sympathetic but unwavering. Alley realized she would be getting no more help out of her, turned and trudged from the office as the churning mass of dread, confusion, and defeat sat like a sick lump in her gut.

All she could think of was how in the world she was ever going to explain this to her parents.

#Biker Mice from Mars #BMFM #bmfm fanfiction #main cast #OCs #There's a plot!#And it thickens!

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rorypcarson · 5 years

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it’s hope??? again??? yes u read that right here’s my son rory love us this blog is so new so nothing will be in the tags i hate everything lmao anyway like this or message me to plot ily bye

triggers: car crash, drunk driving, stroke, abortion, death, depression ( mention )

╰☆╮ DACRE MONTGOMERY ─ RORY PEARSON identifies as CISMALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a YOUTUBER/MUSICIAN, and they’re only TWENTY-TWO ! they’re said to be +CANDID, but also -DESPONDENT. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE ACCIDENTAL BILLIONAIRE in the tabloids. ( kendall schmidt, logan henderson )

did i use two btr bois as his vc??? u bet ur ass i did & i have no regrets ok anyway on to my son

background:

rory pearson was born and raised in fairhope, alabama. his parents were teenagers when they had him and lived with his grandma scarlett. his mom jean marie was ousted by her parents when she told them she was pregnant and his dad’s mom took her in with open arms.

of course his grandma wasn’t going to let them live in the same room in her house without being married, especially with her grandbaby on the way. so after talking with them, and his parents agreeing, they went to the courthouse and got married three months before rory came into the world.

rory was born on april 20th, 1996 and he was without a name for six days. his parents couldn’t decide so they named him rory wyatt vincent pearson. he was always told that since his parents couldn’t decide on naming him after jean marie’s grandfather or greyson’s father, they picked a third name and gave him both of their names for middle names.

when rory was two and a half years old ( not really half, it was june ?? ) his parents graduated high school and went out for a party. unfortunately their designated driver wasn’t so sober and the group of four recent graduates crashed into another car.

his father was in the passenger’s seat and died on impact, his mother was pronounced dead in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

scarlett legally adopted rory after that and raised him. she always told him stories of his parents, but avoided telling him anything about what happened to them for as long as she could.

he was ten years old when he saw the memorial and recognized his parents from their yearbook photos and came home asking about it.

honestly this is jumping ahead a bit but rory didn’t learn to drive until he was twenty years old. and even now, esp now, since he lives in nyc he doesn’t drive often.

okay when he was seventeen years old he met bethany in an airport. he was on his way to a college interview on a connecting flight that got cancelled due to weather conditions. they were both sitting in the same terminal so they got to talking and !!! hit it off

bro legit asked her out 5 seconds after their flights were announced to be back on

“hi yeah we just met but we’ve got two hours before your flight leaves so wanna go grab some food with me???”

and the rest was legit history

he can remember every moment of their conversation and first date like it was yesterday. oh my god he was SO IN LOVE

the human embodiment of the hearteyes emoji

and so the pair stayed in touch and went on a couple more dates and the boy was so gd smitten that grandma scarlett took his phone during one of their phone calls and was like “darlin if you don’t fly down here to meet me i’m going to think my grandbaby is just talking to a complete stranger on here.”

and then bethany flew down and met scarlett and she was so excited because !!!! her grandson had a girlfriend !!!!

grandma scarlett was the biggest supporter of anything rory did in life oh my GOD

at his graduation it was just grandma scarlett in the crowd for him but boy did it sound like the whole crowd was cheering for him when his name was called

anyway flash forward to he’s in college and he’s moved away to be closer to bethany. which should not have affected his life but when he was looking at colleges fr fr after acceptances the boy chose one closer to his girl

we love a softie ok

anyway on bethany’s 19th birthday he took her to an airport and was surprising her with a trip to disney that he’s been saving up for for MONTHS !!!!

and at the airport he was like all jittery and nervous bc in his pocket he had an engagement ring but he did his bEST to hide it all from beth bc surprises

not that he planned the whole thing ( he did ) but it just so happened they were in the same restaurant waiting for their flight as their first date way back when

and in the middle of dessert, the waiters singing happy birthday this boy attempts to be sly and gets down on one knee. but didnt realize there would be someone coming up behind him to keep up the singing and he ..... kinda caused a mini avalanche of people

and he apologized and is like still on one knee and now he’s looking at bethany with a BRIGHT RED face and he had had this whole speech worked out in his mind ok but all that comes out is, “i love you, please marry me?” in like an awkward stutter because he just TOOK OUT AN ENTIRE WAITSTAFF

somehow bethany said yes ??? and they’re engaged ???

oh and someone got the whole thing on camera and like that happened

the video skyrocketed to the most viewed video entitled “i witnessed an awkward proposal???? and she still said yes?????”

which is also lowkey how he started his youtube channel ??

“hi yes it’s me the guy who proposed to an olympic athlete while taking out a whole waitstaff?? i dont know why she said yes either but i love her??”

and for a long time it was mainly vlogs of him and beth and him and his friends

okay so fast forward and rory’s graduated college with a degree in history education bc he wants to be a teacher and he’s got to fly back to alabama and miss his graduation because he got a phone call and grandma scarlett had a stroke

so the boy is freaking out but it’s fine !!! grandma goes home and he winds up staying down and now he’s trying to figure out how to be with beth, find a job in ny, but also take care of his grandma

for a while he toys with the idea of moving grandma up to new york and helping her find a place. so he goes back to new york to talk to beth about it and he’s freaking out and he gets home and she tells him she’s pregnant

of course he never expected to be like 20 and having a baby but ??? whatever. now he’s freaking out because his grandma is not doing good and he’s worried about her and now he’s got to figure out what to do with a BABY ???

and bethany then tells him she wants to get an abortion and rory’s already stressed and so he flips bc of emotions and they get into a huge fight and it just winds up with him leaving and heading back to alabama and bethany in their apartment

so rory goes home to alabama and he keeps getting notifications on social media about bethany so he just shuts his phone off and i’m talking like he goes days without touching his cell phone. he takes a hiatus from youtube because he’s freaking out and

two months after he’s home he seemed like scarlett was doing better so he took her to a party in town to see some of her friends and at the party scarlett had another stroke.

she died six days later, never waking up from the medically induced coma they put her in.

flash forward a couple more weeks after he’s working with lawyers for his grandma’s estate and rest assured scarlett pearson had nothing but her house, her garden, and her beat up corvette that her deceased husband wyatt bought her for their anniversary one year

so its a shocker to find out that scarlett pearson was worth 43.7 billion dollars

and now that money all goes to rory because he’s her only living heir ???

so rory gets this BOATLOAD of money and the local newspaper picks it up which brings it to the national news and somehow it made international news

“local alabama boy from youtuber to billionaire overnight”

so he kept his grandma’s house in alabama because ..... he can’t seem to let that go and why should he ?? its a good house and holds a lot of memories

but he does in fact buy a brownstone in manhattan its HUGE and he doesn’t have enough things to fill the whole space up but ??? he’s working on it slowly.

he created a makeshift recording studio in one of the upstairs rooms and has been working on music, which is new to him ?? he was always a bit artistic but never sure enough to like try it out

oh and he’s returned to youtube, he’s got a decent following i guess

i mean lbr he’s hot ???? and sings ??? so ??? ya know

personality:

okay so this is long already so im gonna keep this short n sweet

rory is a sweet boy, never really an athletic type always more focused on his studies than sports.

spent a lot of time with his grandma and he’s very easily attached to people he’s close to. not exactly clingy, but it’s really hard for him to let people go i guess ???

used to love shows like survivor and big brother and amazing race. always toyed with the idea of applying to be on amazing race but he never had anyone who would go with him, or could for that long.

he’s a real kind hearted guy and clumsy as fuck

a bit awkward when you first meet him but ??? you warm up quickly and so does he

clumsy af as noted earlier

kind of depressed ??? idk he’s not seeing anyone for it but post losing beth, his grandma, and like the possibility of a family in the future he’s kinda ..... morbid

puts on a happy front for youtube

oh and he does a podcast talking about stuff with his friends idk what exactly but ?? its prob music and movies lbr

connections:

best friend(s)--self explanatory; people who he gets along with and they’re like his ride or dies.

nerd friends--give him someone to geek out with please he’s SUCH A NERD !!!! or someone who likes learning random things he’s got u

musical friends--people who he met through starting to delve into music

youtube community--give me people who !!! met through youtube and often do colabs together. probably ppl who were shooketh when he came back and was like “bro i have 40 billion dollars????”

wealthy friend(s)--give me someone who will teach this boy how to be wealthy ??? like cause he knows nothing about that he struggled a lot growing up and with college and several part time jobs he doesnt know how to like party or anything

idk anything else

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bewareofthorns · 5 years

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jeepers! meet rowan ‘ro’ sharpe, tenant of room 3b, college student tentatively majoring in history and wholesome all-american boy learning to stand on his own. this is legiterally the worst ™ intro, but it is also everything i applied with!

· ☆ ⤻ logan shroyer. meet ro sharpe. he is/are a 20 year old history student, who’s been residing in apartment #3b for a year. usually , you can catch him on the subway listening to a whiter shade of pale by procol harum and their roommates insist that he reminds them of rumpled sheets, sunlight streaming through a half-opened window and tangled earbuds. the libra has been described as candid & guarded but since he’s known as the all-american, i guess we’ll just have to wait and see .

a brief intro

think basic white boy. now more basic. even more basic. if ur at fuccboi, ur going in the wrong direction.

he is absolutely the kid in high school that you wanted to hate, but that you couldn’t. his parents raised him right and that frustrates others around him to no end.

he’s as american as apple pie and just as sweet. if you met him in his native environment, he’d probably be somewhere in between a state fair and a football game. picture like any movie where the underdog leads his team to state. that was him in senior year.

he had a mom and stepdad and two little siblings that he left behind in ohio. (and sometimes, though he hates to admit it because it sounds like something a coward would say, he wishes he had never really left them.)

the world is bigger than he thought it was. and there’s times when he’s in the apartment and people are walking by that he can’t help but be a little afraid.

on social media, if you scroll back in time, before the apartment, all his posts before got is pictures of these two little kids and like football cleats and like terrible shaky videos of performances he did with the awful band that he made with his friends. he never thought he was going to go to new york city for college. he never thought- that this would be his life.

the drama that goes on, the messiness of the rest of the people who live in the apartment—as much as he never expected it to be, this is a vibrance that sucks him in, that has a hold on him that he can’t really explain. there’s a joy to it, of course, an intenseness that he can’t deny.

just a fish out of water here in the city. part of him wants to go back to when he just had one girlfriend for like four years and they were going to go to college together and get married and he was going to be an actuary or a tax auditor or something. part of him still believes that he will–

but he also knows. he loves this life. he’ll never be able to go back.

I”M LITERALLY CRYING I LVE HTIS BEAUTIFUL WHITE BOY. HE LIVES SUCH A GOOD & WHOLESOME LIFE. I BET HIS MOM WENT ON HIS FIRST DATE WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS 14 AND, WHEN HE WAS 7. HE WALKED AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND GAVE EVERYONE THEIR MAIL FROM THEIR MAILBOXES EVENTHO THAT’S A FELONY. HE JUST WAS A GOOD WHOLESOME KID.

1. His mom and his bio dad never got married and, while his dad did his best to be around while he was really young, his job eventually took him away to nyc and both of them agreed it would be best if he didn’t look back.

2. though he remembers missing his biological father terribly at first, he was young enough that it hardly mattered. within the next few years, his mother got married, ro was adopted by his stepfather, and he would get two new half-siblings.

a. by the end of the first year of the marriage, ro had already taken to calling his stepfather ‘dad’. after all, it was his stepfather who took him out to backyard and taught him to play catch. it was his stepfather who helped him with his math homework and bought him christmas gifts. it was his stepfather who was there. and to ro, that was all that mattered.

3. he never once thought his childhood was missing anything. he took bass guitar and swimming lessons; he played on the local baseball team and, then, after deciding it wasn’t for him, joined the football team. he had a good group of friends and even did fairly well in school.

4. it wasn’t until he got into high school that things started to fray at the edges. after pulling a prank at school and getting into trouble, his stepfather sat him down and asked if he were acting out bc he missed his real father. he hadn’t been– at least, he hadn’t thought he was, but, when the gate was opened, he admitted that he wanted to at least meet the man who he had so few memories of.

5. so he did. and it went okay. There were no hard feelings. They agreed to keep meeting up.

6. ro was lucky, though. as he was forced to navigate through this complicated relationship with his father, he was able to escape the perils that usually plague teens in high school.

a. he was smart enough to talk with the academically-inclined and creative enough to hang around the arts kids, but his true saving grace was his position on the football team. he was good at it— enough that by his junior year, he had gotten an offer to join the reserve team for his dream school. it was a good scholarship and it also allowed him to pursue the degree that he was interested in (econ and math).

7. but despite accepting the offer almost immediately— he never ended up actually enrolling. Because he had also secretly applied to a nyc college to spend more time with his bio dad who lived in the region. And when he got accepted, he just knew-

a. i don’t think he understood what he was getting into. the college he is going to has technically a better reputation than the state school he had originally wanted, but he just wanted– to know his dad better. to have a real relationship with his dad before it was too late.

b. it weighs heavy on his mind that he threw away the larger college scholarship, the chance to be with his friends, the football offer — all just to spend some time in nyc for the more frequent opportunity to he feels guilty, as if him just being here is some kind of betrayal to the family that raised him.

8. lastly, ro absolutely calls his mom and stepfather every week, but still finds himself struggling to hold a conversation with his father. They don’t meet up as often as he thought they would. School takes up too much time for him. And his father is always working. And though his father is the one paying for his rent and also a chunk of his tuition, he still longs for a better connection.

9. he’s really just a small town boy from ohio and here, where it seems like everyone parties and engages in a rock star lifestyle, he’s incredibly out of his depth. he’s sweet and he’s young and he’s responsible. he’s not here to spiral out of control or be number one he’s just here to learn what it means to be a student. And also… if he can, someone’s son.

fun facts

he skateboards. everywhere.

he doesn’t drink coffee.

he stopped drinking soda when he turned 17 for a dare and never picked it up again.

he knows how to knit.

he’s a hardcore romantic. his mom took two tries to get it right, but she got it right.

Did he have a high school gf that lasted for almost the full four years? You betcha. Did they break up because he went to NYC? You got it. Is he heartbroken over it and trying to fill the void? Done and done.

In the apartment, he’s definitely trying to be the voice of reason. That’s not to say he can’t get down with the best of them, but he’s also always trying to get things under control.

Since he’s 20, that also means—he’s not very good at standing his ground.

WANTED CONNECTIONS are fckn everything.

exes, crushes, fwb, mentors, enemies (petty or deep-rooted... but i dare u to hate him). my literal fave r weird shared communal space plots.

someone who will buy him contraband since he’s underage !! he swears he’s responsible

someone who he gives life advice to (in all of his iDiot 20 yo boy brain glory)

someone who gives HIM life advice to counsel him through being an idiot 20 yo boy

someone who he caught doing something outlawed in the building

smoking? parking your bike in behind the potted plants? look we all know ur growing something behind the succulents but i don’t want to know okay.

I was sticking my head out the window and you were draining water onto the pavement. Dude I see you. My god. We all have sinks.

our mail keeps getting switched up ?? look ??? idk ???

We do our laundry at the same time every week and there’s just NOT ENOUGH MACHINES and its super weird bc like. we never talk elsewhere about it. but every week we show up with full baskets at the SAME TIME

I know you keep ur door unlocked and so like. we’re friends. you won’t mind if I just pop in to use ur dish soap. i like ran out.

KEEP UR NOISE LEVEL DOWN U HEATHEN. IM STUDYING. are u singing? is that a cat’s yowl? are u… Look IF YOU DON’T i’ll put a hole thru ur door.

#twelve.intro

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sidhewrites · 5 years

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Coriander Chapter 4a

Previous Installment found here. Approx 2500 words. Feel free to send Asks or Messages about what’s written or anything you’re curious about.

It took the better part of an hour minutes to finish collecting flowers, mostly because Jasper insisted on inspecting each one for any flaws before plucking it and placing it ever so gently in the basket. So much for not wanting to wait another minute. Coriander half wished he would let her simply get on with her life, and he could go off adventuring to his heart’s content.

She also wished he would choose to stay in Knittlenau, if only because she was perhaps the most interesting and least intimidating person she’d ever met. Who needed to go to see the elves in Gaelgallah anyway? Anyone could spy them travelling on main roads just a few hours outside of town, certain days of the year. Coriander had the maps of the area memorized; she’d have no problem pointing Jasper to where he needed to go to see them pass by, and then he’d come back before midnight.

Something told her, however, he wasn’t the sort of person who’d be content to live in a little town like this, no matter how many wildflowers there were to pick.

“Do you know when the next new moon is?” Jasper asked. He plucked an ear of corn off the stalk as they passed by. Coriander stayed neatly on the dirt road herself, but Jasper took to the fence. He balanced effortlessly, only wobbling now and then when something distracted him.

“Ten days, I think.” Coriander fought the need to insist he come down right this minute, or else he’d be risking life and limb – or at least a very painful couple of bruises. That same something from before insisted he wouldn’t listen to her anyway. She was wrong, of course, but she had no way of knowing.

“Ah, damn.” Jasper shucked the corn in two movements and took a bite out of it, leaving Coriander to wonder why he was disappointed until he was done chewing. “I was hoping I’d have more time. You wouldn’t believe how beautiful Sterea is during their festivals.”

But a journey to Sterea would take weeks … and the new moons happen every month, didn’t they? What was the trouble? “You’ve been there?” She had never dreamed of seeing Gaelgallah, much less its capital city.

“No, but I’ve heard songs about it. Shall I sing one for you?”

She couldn’t hide her excitement. “If— “

She didn’t have the time to finish the first word before Jasper began to sing a traditional Sterean song about their festivals. Coriander had seen the sheets for Elfin music. The notes and harmonies, and how they twisted around each other like a braid. She’d even heard people try to recreate it, to painfully beautiful effect. But perhaps it was the magic in his blood that allowed Jasper’s single, gentle voice to capture the lilting melody in a way she’d never heard it before. It surrounded her, filled her like champagne in a glass. She watched him with wide eyes and slack jaw, drinking in the music like a camel at the sea – like she had never realized just how deep her thirst went until she could be sated like this.

She remained enthralled even after he stopped, misty eyed, with a few tears having slid down her cheeks. It was only when Jasper laughed, and held out a handkerchief that she realized he was done.

“I suppose I ought to apologize, Miss Tippit. I didn’t realize I’d put so much into the spell.”

The spell? She looked at him over the handkerchief, pressed to her nose and now-burning cheeks, as she understood, and couldn’t quite decide if that was cheating or genius to have magicked his own breath for the song. She had a feeling he’d laugh either way.

“Well?” he asked expectantly. “Was I good? It’s been a few weeks since I’ve performed for anyone but myself.”

Coriander didn’t quite have the courage to remove the handkerchief from her face just yet, and she didn’t feel it polite to speak with it covering her mouth, so she nodded. Embarrassment or no, she had to admit his voice was incredible.

“Thank goodness,” Jasper said, and she had a feeling his relief was being overdramatized. “The last thing I want is to offend the ears of my most honored guide.”

Was he still going on about that? Hadn’t he found his way to her easily enough? In a moment of fear, she wondered if he had put some sort of tracking spell on her -- though that couldn’t be right, could it? He worked with air, not tracking. Insofar as she knew, anyway. How powerful of a wright could he be, if he was this far away from any cities of note?

“Well?” Jasper asked, pulling Coriander from her thoughts again. She flushed, ashamed and ready to apologize, but he spoke before she managed to. “I was thinking there ought to be more songs about girls named after flowers anyway. There’s at least one adventurer with a name like a stone, so that means I won’t come first, but I can’t remember even one Lady Rose or Princess Daisy -- and Her Royal Majesty doesn’t count, since Lillian is different from Lily.”

Coriander could name three songs off the top of her head. The Maiden and the Knight, whose heroine was named Poppy. Lavender the Shoemaker. And Lady Hollyoak’s Crown of Leaves wasn’t exactly a flower, but she was going to count it anyway.

“I suppose so,” she said, and she didn’t miss his concern at her answer. Whatever he meant by it, though, wasn’t immediately clear, and she chose to keep silent for now.

Jasper frowned for a moment, thinking. Then, he clapped his hands, grinning again. “Shall we write songs of our own?” He looked at her with that expectant smile she was beginning to dread, and cleared his throat.

He sang the whole way back to her house, making up a tune about their potential adventures to come, only sometimes ruining the rhymes, if she were being generous. The song went on about defeating great beasts of lore -- defeating firedrakes and inspiring elfish poems and drinking tea with Queen Lillian.

She had to admit, one of those things might have been possible -- if he counted paying for a cup of tea with a coin stamped with the queen’s face. Only about half the coins in Knittelnau were, the rest still sporting her late father’s profile instead.

Coriander hesitated at the trail leading from the main road off to the hill on which her house sat. She could see the garden from here, the windows overlooking the street. Jasper waited at her side, silent for a moment as he considered the view.

“Don’t tell me you live there, Miss Tippit?”

She said nothing. Was he approving of it? Or did he think it was too small. Surely a traveller had seen many grander homes than his, and suddenly her little country cottage felt shabby and bare.

“Well, I certainly hope you do, you know. I’ve never seen something with a more well-tended garden, nor half as picturesque.” He sounded so genuine, she didn’t know how to respond. But he took her faint blush as a yes. “When you’re ready, Miss Tippit, do please lead the way.”

Coriander rushed to do as she was told. They walked together along the path to her front door, only hesitating once at the front door. With a steadying breath, Coriander pulled the latch and let herself im.

“Ma!” she called out, setting the flowers she’d picked down on the table. “Ma, I’m home…” She hesitated, unsure of how to best inform her mother they had an unexpected guest. The social had to have just barely ended, with tea cups and plates and a bit of shortbread still sitting on the table, chairs pushed out here and there. And the tea itself hadn’t even been put away.

Before Coriander could think of something, however, Bestina came out of her bedroom bodice loose, hair half undone and hanging over her shoulder. The social must have just barely ended. The warm smile she wore disappeared the second she saw Jasper, mud all over his boots, dirt on his face. Coriander hardly had clean hands herself after working in the fields all day, but she at least could be trusted to wipe it off. Worst -- however, Jasper was a man, and there was no chaperone to look after them as they stood about in the kitchen.

“Dear sweet,” she began, with a careful, forced smile, “who’s this standing in my front hall?”

Coriander wished she could sink into the floorboards. She needed to disappear. “His name is Jasper, Ma. He’s a traveller and he’s...ehm…” He was her guest. Wasn’t he? She’d invited him, after all, but she was wondering if it might have been a mistake.

“I’m inviting myself to dinner, Missus Tippit. Your daughter has been a most wonderful guide to Knittelnau thus far, and I couldn’t bear parting ways for so long.”

Coriander flushed, unsure if she ought to have been thankful or guilty he was lying for her. More than that, he had joked multiple times now about marrying her -- and Bestina had never wanted to see her married. No doubt this would end in trouble soon enough. But if nothing else, her mother would be civil in front of guests. Bestina swept forward, taking up Jasper’s hands with a stiff, warm smile, all too visibly aware of her state of dress.

“How kind of you,” she crooned in that too-sweet voice. “How long have you known each other?”

“Oh, hardly a day and a half. I met her in the market just yesterday afternoon, but she’s been so kind, you know. Showing me to the bakery, teaching me the names of all these beautiful flowers. Look!” He gestured to the basket in Coriander’s hands. “She picked some for you just today. Aren’t they lovely?”

Coriander stammered, and held out the basket of blooms with a nervous half-smile. Jasper glanced between the two of them, studying miniscule changes in expression, searching for something. Coriander couldn’t for the life of her figure out what, though her mother’s plastered on smile seemed to sour a fraction of a degree.

“Oh, aren’t they just darling?” Bestina asked, but she didn’t move closer.

“Yes, very pretty,” Jasper agreed, and threw Bestina an expectant look. It was bad manners to keep a guest waiting too long without an offer of hospitality, unexpected or otherwise.

Finally, she clapped her hands together. “Well, any friend of my daughter is always welcome here. Come, sit here. Would you like tea? Cake?”

Coriander’s face burned. Friend? Is that what Jasper was to her? And how could she tell if the queasiness in her stomach was coming from excitement or dread at the idea of having a friend at all?

Jasper smiled. “That would be lovely, thank you. Miss Tippit, would you join me?”

It took a moment for Coriander to understand she was being addressed, and she started seeing Jasper’s earnest smile directed her way. “Er, I, uh...That is, I usually get the tea for guests.”

“Nonsense -- there’s some on the table already, isn’t there?” He gestured.

Bestina flushed. “It’s gone cold, I’m afraid, and it’s horribly sweet. Hardly the sort of thing a traveler would like.”

“I love sweet things. And I can heat it up myself just fine, can’t I?” He winked one of his bright wright’s eyes, and Bestina’s smile flickered.

“Oh, no, that’s terribly kind, Mister…”

“It’s just Jasper, ma’am. I’ve no family name.”

Coriander flushed at the memory of their first meeting, when he’d asked to borrow hers. He seemed to have no qualms about it when it was just the two of them, though he had yet to say anything quite as bold as he did when they were alone.

“No family name?”

“That’s what I said.” He was almost painfully patient as she tried to figure out how to best needle him.

“But surely there’s at least a friend out there for you in all your travels who would give you theirs.”

His smile did not falter. “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

“Well, er…” She worked out how to best phrase it. “Do you have anyone waiting at home for you? A paramour? A spouse?”

“Oh no.” Jasper shook his head with mock sorrow. “No-one waits for me. But if I do find a man to love, he won’t have to wait anyway. We’ll travel together instead.”

“How sweet.” The smile didn’t quite meet her eyes, and she looked between them once more. "At any rate, there’s no magic in this house, Mister Jasper. We heat our tea over the hearth like good, hard-working folk.”

“Are you absolutely sure, ma’am? It seems a waste of firewood.”

Coriander couldn’t remember the last time someone had challenged Bestina in front of her. It wasn’t that she had a commanding presence, but she was a sweet woman, frail and sickly even if she didn’t look it, and no-one had the heart. She wanted to chide Jasper for it … but he had a point. It was late spring, and too warm to have the hearth running all day, and it must have been put out just after her mother’s friends left. It felt like a waste to use up more kindling and get the hearth rolling again just to heat up some old tea.

Bestina seemed to fight with herself internally, but shook her head. “No magic in the house. Not even if it saves time. Coriander, dear sweet, would you go to the kitchen and light up the hearth?”

Coriander nodded, and made to turn before Jasper spoke up: “Don’t mind it, Miss Tippit, I insist. I’d hate to be a waste as well as an imposition. I’ll have the tea cold, if you don’t mind.”

She stood there, looking between her mother and Jasper, who seemed as sure of himself as ever.

Bestina relented first with a sigh. “Oh, very well. Cold, sweet tea it is. Do find yourself a seat. Coriander, would you please go get a plate or two for the shortbread?”

“Yes, Ma.” She fled as soon as she could, before Jasper could say anything else. It wouldn’t do to stall too long, and there wasn’t an excuse to do so. It was a small kitchen, with an unlit hearth and a table in the middle for work. She could see out to the spice garden through the window, and the chicken coop and goatpen beyond. The goats dozed in the sun while the chickens picked through the grass for seeds and worms. The plants were growing. The parsnips would be ready soon, and with summer on the horizon, she would have to tend to the rest of the spring herbs to make room.

The main room was quiet behind her. Coriander dreaded coming out, but she swallowed, did her best not to grip the plates too tightly, and returned to see her mother sitting at the table and Jasper in the exact spot he’d been in before, both silent and smiling big, false smiles.

#writeblr #writing #coriander #coriander chapter #coriander chapter 4 #coriander draft #coriander draft 1 #wip #current goal: gotta make it clear bestina does love coriander and it shows through #while also being a bad mother at the same time

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sunnycityshadypeople · 6 years

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Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity. I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times. In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot. We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees. I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us. He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan. Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true. When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out. As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush. In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.

I was crushed. Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go. Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak.

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there. She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried. And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse. And a defining moment of heartbreak. Sidebar: I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’. The nature of reality fascinates me. When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise. The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves. I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s. I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016. I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Feeling a sense of De ja vu? No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix. I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met. We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates. We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved. He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face. We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?). One time I was chatting to him via text - describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’ AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak. I should have taken the bait. But I was scared. My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message. I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later. Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love. I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness. There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey. So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first. I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone. Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy. Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me. It’s funny how attraction works. A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more. I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’. If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’ The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time. It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since. He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too. But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love. And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought. I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him. But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me. That’s cool. My love will always be there. But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved.

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germanyinusa · 7 years

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CBYX For Young Professionals

Exchange programs aren’t just for students! On the contrary, young professionals who are just starting their careers in a specific field are eligible for scholarships to live and intern in Germany. CBYX For Young Professionals provides 75 Americans each year with that exact opportunity and invites you to apply by December 1st!

Sound intimidating? Quatsch! To ease any anxiety about applying and to show you that real people come out the other side of this program with more cultural awareness and resume talking points, we reached out to our friend Jonah who completed CBYX this year.

Meet Jonah

Jonah started his CBYX fellowship after having graduated with a BA in Urban Studies from CUNY Macaulay Honors College at Hunter College in 2016. Prior to CBYX, he had only been to Germany once on a short language intensive study abroad and had never lived long-term outside of the city of New York.

What made CBYX an appealing option for you?

CBYX was appealing for many reasons. Firstly, I always wanted to live abroad for an extended period of time and really immerse myself in a foreign culture; CBYX was the perfect opportunity to do just that. A big part of that desire was the prospect of learning a foreign language to an advanced level. I have never been gifted with languages, but I knew that the best shot of me learning one would be to immerse myself in it. Additionally, I really wanted to go back to Germany after having spent just three short weeks in Berlin in January 2014. I knew that the country was special and presented an interesting learning experience both culturally and professionally.

Where did you intern in Germany? Aside from language, how was it different than working back home?

While in Germany I interned at Ecologic Institute and The Center for Metropolitan Studies at TU Berlin. The starkest contrast between my internships in Germany and in the U.S. was the much healthier work/life balance present in Germany. As an intern I was given vacation days and Fridays off. Most people took their jobs seriously, but also ensured that they had enough time in their lives to socialize, be with family, and relax.

How was your German before you started the program vs. afterwards? Was it difficult to work in your second language?

My German prior to the start of the program was relatively beginner-level. I could hold basic conversation, but struggled with comprehension and reading. By the end of the program, although not fluent, I was able to speak enough German to survive most situations without English. During my CBYX year I spoke with my host family almost exclusively in German, I would try to socialize with peers in German, and handled many aspects of everyday life in German, ranging from ordering a Brötchen at a bakery to navigating German bureaucracy at the Zollamt or Rathaus. At times it was extremely challenging but overall it was really exciting and fulfilling to feel my language abilities progress significantly over the course of the year.

What was the biggest highlight of your year, professionally or personally? What was a low point?

Professionally, it was when I realized I was speaking German with people or listening in on conversations in German and not even realizing it wasn't English. It was definitely a big accomplishment.

Personally, it would be a day in Cologne about a month into my stay in Germany. My host family were Karneval enthusiasts– my host father was a Senator in his local Karneval Verein and the whole family had three closets designated to just costumes. Although Karneval wasn’t until February, a Karneval-esque event was taking place over the summer called Jeck im Sunne Sching. My host dad insisted that I go and wear a clown costume. I was hesitant but decided to be a good sport–I put the costume on and headed into town. While there weren’t a lot of people in costume that day, I was very relieved to see that I was not the only one on the tram that looked ridiculous. Upon arriving at the event with some friends, we discovered that my host dad neglected to tell us that we needed tickets to get in. So instead we decided to just roam around the city, me in a clown costume in 90-degree summer heat, my friends in comfortable normal clothes. Regardless of the day not going according to plan, it was a fun time, a great Kölsch cultural experience, and a great memory. In February I returned to Cologne for real Karneval and had an amazing and very culturally immersive experience with my former host family and Kölsch friends.

How has having done CBYX benefited you since?

I walked away from my CBYX year more confident, more self assured, and more adventurous. My international experience and language abilities, as well as the valuable experience that I gained during my internships in Berlin is something that I am trying to emphasize in the job application process and will hopefully pay-off soon.

What advice would you give the next cohort of CBYXers?

My biggest piece of advice would be to be flexible and be involved:

Be flexible–CBYX is a huge program that tries to accommodate the varied interests of 75 diverse people–things don’t always go according to plan; in the same way that your normal life in the U.S. doesn’t always go as intended, your life in Germany won’t always either. The most important thing is to keep a good attitude, be flexible and willing to adapt, and always look at the big picture: you're living in Germany for a year on a fellowship!

Be involved--the more involved you are with your host family, your university, sport classes, social clubs, etc., the more friends you'll make, the more immersed you'll be in German culture, and the more fun you'll have. It's a great way to take advantage of the amazing opportunity of living abroad for a year and also helps to fight feelings of homesickness.

Intrigued? Find out more about the CBYX For Young Professional program here: https://culturalvistas.org/programs/abroad/congress-bundestag-youth-exchange-young-professionals/

Got additional questions for Jonah or about CBYX? Reply in the comments.

#German #Germany #CBYX #State Department #Exchange #Abroad #Study Abroad #Work Abroad #Internship #Travel #Deutsch #Working #Berlin #Karnival #Cologne #Fellowship

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tillymint7 · 4 years

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Gabrielle de la Puenta

The lecture with Output Galleries Gabrielle de la Puenta was really refreshing. It’s so great to see a young female artist taking the art world on by storm! Gabrielle wants to create a gallery without pomp and ceromny, bias or predudice. The gallery is dedicated to equality and inclusion of all Merseysides up and coming creatives.

Gabrielle started off after her studies with realising she wanted to help her city and had a love of working with the wider community, so she started working in community arts events management. She also managed various art organisations, but quickly realised that weren’t for her as some of them expected her to work for free, for the pleasure of it all. Creative people still need to be paid, there does seem to be this notion that organisation can get away with not paying artists but I feel we deserve to be paid for our creative talents, I have no idea why there is a trend of it being so undervalued.

The Output Gallarey is a fabulous platform for local Merseyside creatives. Gabrielle said she will even help artists pad out their work if they are struggling. There are so many talented people here in Liverpool that often get ignored in favour of already established artist from else where in the UK and abroad. So knowing there is a place like this in town is excellent to hear.

Gabrielle also mentions that she would also like to see the more established galleries and the Liverpool Biennial engaging with our local talent too. It would be lovely to see more of Merseysides resident creatives being included instead of just the dominant established artists from across the UK and abroad. I definitely think cultural diversity and equality is needed in the Biennial and it’s something they are embracing, especially in a city famous for being so culturally diverse.

It was definitely something I found intimidating and scary when considering embarking on a career in the arts. Rory Macbeth’s always says ‘that galleries are just like posh shops’ which is definitely a good perspective to remember. I used to feel like the artworld is like a strange entity your not sure you realIy want to meet just in case it chews you up and spits you out, or worse swolls you whole, but as an artist you want to create and share your work so you feel you have no choice but to approach the beast.

More and more I’m learning that you don’t always need galleries and you don’t have to wait to be offered shows. You can create and show work anywhere at anytime. If there is will there is a way. The best approach is just to keep making, apply for things and allowing your work to evolve for the love of making art.

Someone said something interesting to me the other day he said ‘these big galleries these days seem to only really be interested in you if your a white gay male’ I sincery hope this isn’t true, although it wouldn’t surprise me......but at least they have made some progress in the representation of the LBGTQ+ community. 🙌

Still sadly the fact is they are still all white and male, so not that much difference from the usual patriarchal domance the artworld and art history is so famous for idolising. Sadly the artworld is a reflection of our society.

I want to say I don’t agree with demonising all white men. We white women have to be mindful of our white privilege too although we do get some recognition it’s still out weights the representation of all other minority groups. I know there are plenty of good hard working white male and female artist out there just like our lecturers who are also fighting for equality and trying to help to put things right.

In the end I feel the bourgeoisie want us to fight amougst ourselves, race against race and gender against gender, as it creates distraction and allows them to divide and conquer!

Inclusion, equity and diversity is definitely something I feel all decent humans all over the world would really love to see happening at a much quicker rate, the breaks definitely need to be lifted. The history books and the way we teach art history needs to change especially in our schools. It’s wrong that we seem to have to wait until we get to college and university before we find out about the unacknowledge and marginalised but truly amazing female, LBGTQ+ and ethnic minority artist past and present.

We should never forget or stop acknowledging past history and all the lives lost to cruelty. Knowing this we also have to try to move forward and help to change the future like so many artist and creatives are already doing. Their is so much good happening in the world. I just have to remind myself to focus on that and to help where and when I can.

I fear so much for our children (I worry a lot as you can tell) as it feels to me that so much of the world is hurtling in the opposite direction devolving before our eyes 👀 ....I’m try not to watch too much news or to dwell on it too much, as it can be paralysing at times. I sincerely hope Im wrong and that what is happening now is just the tipping point towards real positive change 🙏

I know money is not the most important thing, but it would be good not to have to choose between feeding my family and paying the bills every month. The way society is structured it makes sure it’s virtually impossible to escape poverty once your in it.

I often imagine having the money to create anything. I can imagine it would certainly help remove so many barriers althought saying that the barriers can be so helpful at creating the unexpected.

If you are ever lucky enough to reach this level, as long as ideas are plentiful and you do have some level of skill at least, you can literally create anything you dare to dream of.

And we are back in the room 😂 and put away the soapbox.

Gabrielle decided to take the ‘I can do anything’ approach impressively without the money, proving it can be done! 🙌 She created the seemingly impossible she has created a successful gallery out of virtually nothing. She negotiated a free space and put in some hard graft. She grabbed the bull by the horns and started her own gallery with the help and support of The Invisible Wind Factory based next to Kasmir Gardens, which for oldies like me is were the Conty and Cream used to be.

Gabrielle recently introduce loyalty cards, which she kindly gave to us all. The loyalty cards are to encourage people to attend the galleries exhibitions, the prize is a limited edition badge. The gallery and gardens sound like they have a very hospitable family vibe. Gabrielle recently added a shop at the front to increase interest and encourage passing trade. It looks like all her hard work and determination is finally getting the funding and recognition it truly deserves from the arts council too. I’m definitely looking forward to visiting soon.

The Whitepube co-creator has finally broken through to the mainstream art world. Her and her fellow Whitepube co-creator Zarina Muhammad featured in Vogue a few months back. So amazing! The only started out as two girls talking from the heart, its inspirational.

I can tell Gabrielle has struggled a bit with some peoples views of her being this controlling dictator, but to be honest she seems to take it all in her stride. Her advice is to not listen......if I only could I’m working on it 🙏 ....maybe by the end of my degree I’ll of mastered it. 😂😬

Gabrielle has definitely reaffirmed to me that if something is missing as artist we should create it ourselves. This is something Iv spoken with Rory Macbeth about too, Rory had the same wise advice. If there’s a lack of something within the art community just go out and create it, don’t change you goal or stop no matter what other people say because honest determination to help evoke a much needed change can never be a bad thing.

Gabrielles seem like she is constantly busy she admits getting bored very easily if she doesn’t have loads to do..... To be honest I think getting bored it a good thing. It seem to have been marked as a negative in recent generations, but boredom allows the mind to wonder and helps with creative process. I think all this instant gratification we have now is way more damaging 🤷🏻‍♀️ .....I know I sound like a Boomer 😜😂

In saying that Gabrielle doesn’t seem short of creative inspiration at all, her next project is an outdoor gallery, which will hopefully be opening very soon.

Sadly after the Q&A I couldn’t stay to talk more with Gabrielle, due to family commitments. I would of love been there for a one to one.

I have to say she seems like one bolshy take no messing kind of lady, I have massive respect for what she stands for 🙌 for eveything she has done and is doing for creatives and our city.

Thanks for reading today’s ‘off on one’ tangent, until next time 👍

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ecmlol · 5 years

Text

“ how’s married life?” Derek asked

Jude wants to gush but he doesn’t.

“ it’s great. How are things with you and London?”

“ Something aren’t meant to be like you and noah” Derek says

“ oh I didn’t know.”jude said

“ no one does yet” Derek said

“ are you going to have a problem with getting your head in the game this season?” Jude asked.

“ I should be good. That’s water under the brigde now. I need to focus on me and basketball .”Derek say.

A part of jude was happy to hear that Derek wanted to focus on himself. A baby wouldn’t fit into that picture.

“ enough about me you needed to talk to me bout something what’s up ?”

“ ok here the thing our relationship now is great and I want to keep it that way.”jude say

“ agree. So what’s going on I’m all ears” Derek says

“ two of my starter have slept with one women last season and is now pregnant.”

“ oh ....wow” Derek says

“ she wants to give the baby to noah and I but I would never steal one of my player’s kids”jude says

“ wow that crazy I’m glad your telling me so who do I need to help you talk to?”Derek asked

“ pax and.... you I don’t want to know who the mother is so don’t tell me please”

“What ?!me?? I know how to handle myself I have only ever gotten one person pregnant and that was my wife”Derek said

“ apart of me sorta had a feeling you would say something like that”

“ so that being said if she’s not lying then you just need pax to take a dna test and if somehow it’s negative I’ll take one “

“ ok deal”jude say.

They meet Pax at the restaurant around the corner from the arena.He was of course surrounded by women at the bar. Derek shook his head .

“ hey man”Derek say

Pax turns around and smiles.

“ hey!”Pax comes in for a hug when Derek wasn’t ready.

Jude smirks and hopes the baby belongs to this overgrown man child with the prefect teeth. He really is a good looking guy jude thought to himself. He’s around the same complexion as Noah. Jude thought thinking it would be nice so the baby didn’t grow up feeling like a out cast in the house hold.

“ earth to jude”Derek says

“ oh sorry got lost in my thought.”jude say

Jude felt bad for even looking at him and wondering if the child would be lucky enough to get his father’s teeth.If they are lucky enough to have more then one child the next child will definitely come from foster care this is just too stressful to go through again. Jude thought to himself. Not that this awkward situation would a rise again ever. Either way it is a lottery that jude didn’t want.

The hostess leads the way to a private room in the back of the restaurant.

“ so are we talking shop? I can’t wait to get back on the court. I have been hitting the gym and I just know I’m going to have a great season”pax says

“ that’s great to hear but I need to have a serious conversation about your extra curricular activities from last season “jude said

Pax looked confused for a second.

“ your sex life pax man it got out of hand last season.”Derek says

“ oh I promises I have my money under control.”

“ wait you where selling ..”Derek say when pax interrupts him.

“ not any more that was last season.” Pax quickly said

Noah would have a field day knowing one of the players were sleeping with women for money.

“ no I wanted to talk to you about one of the women that got pregnant .”

“ pregnant what I don’t know anything about that”pax say

Pax seem genuinely shocked and for a second he seemed happy.which confused both Jude and Derek.

“I figured that much”jude said slowly.

“ I don’t know anything about kids. Im not ready for a baby and child ! I’m broke why else would I be selling it to these women for “pax says

Something is off to Derek and Jude .Like he was happy about the situation but he was trying to hide his excitement. Jude and Derek both look at each other.

“ are you willing to take a dna test?”jude asked

“ what ? I . .. i .. I don’t know .”pax says as he tries to hold his excitement in.

“ you don’t know ? Pax man this could be your kid”Derek says

“If you take the test you can figure out what you want to do. It’s completely up to you. She doesn’t want it”

“ wait so she doesn’t want child support?”Pax asked like he was almost disappointed.

“ no she has already found home for the baby”jude says

“ great great then why are we having this conversation for ?”pax asked. Pax seem confused now.

“ Because I don’t need any bad press if it ever comes out that I adopted one of my player unwanted baby. The devils can’t take a nother hit like that. Not after what Jamie did.”

“Jude’s right we are lucky to even be back after what Happened.”Derek said

“ ok I get that. I’ll do it”pax said

“ thank you so much. When the baby arrives if your the father I’ll have legal papers for you to sign away parental rights.”jude said

“ in other word I’m not responsible for anything to do with it right ?”

“ exactly “jude said

“ ok awesome.”pax said

“ I have a appointment in a hour to get your dna test” done”jude said

“ ok that works”pax said. pax seem excited to jude and Derek.

A hour later pax is following Derek and Jude to a hospital across town.

It was quick and painless for pax.

“ I’ll see you on the court”pax says as he practically runs to the elevator.

Jude and Derek look at each other.

“ i’d put money that he is going straight to her.”Derek say

“ I think you’re right.”jude said. Jude didn’t have a good feeling about this. He hopes that he didn’t regret doing this.

“ I have a bad feeling about this.“ Derek says

On the way back Pax headed straight to Noah’s apartment hoping Jamie was still there. He had a feeling that she was there and pregnant with his baby.

Jamie has her feet up as she waits for her Chinese food and the shipt shoppers to arrive with her dinner and groceries.

Jamie is on her break from studying to be a medical coder.Jamie hasn’t told anyone that she was using her time wisely.She hasn’t even told Noah yet.She figures she could stay in the lap of luxury for maybe 2 years if she got lucky. She figured if she made a deal to pump that she could keep a roof over her head . Noah also promised he would help her getting back in shape so she could get another dancing job.By the time all that happen she would be close to finishing her degree.

Theres a knock on the door. Jamie gets up and looks through the peek hole . Its Pax.

“I know your in there. I saw your car” pax says

Jamie huffed

“ what do you want?”Jamie asked through the door.

“You and our baby.”Pax says

“Wait how did you know I was pregnant ?”Jamie say opening the door and poking her head out.

“ I knew it”pax says

“ answer me how did you know?”Jamie demanded

Pax looked guilty to Jamie.

“ tell me what did you do?!!Jamie says

Pax stood there scratching his head and rubbing his neck.

Jamie slams the door.

“ I forgive you for ruining my big moment”pax say a moment later.

“You forgive me?I don’t care about your forgiveness!”Jamie says through the door

“Your food is here”Pax tells her through the door.

Jamie cracks the door and hands the delivery guy a 20. He hands her the bag of food.

“ keep the change”Jamie says.

Pax tries to push his way in but Jamie was too quick and slams the door in his face.

“You don’t have to live here I have a house and a sensible car.i got my life together”pax says

“ what do you not understand I don’t love you are want you!”

“ but I have a legacy now not everyone gets a championship their first season”Pax say proudly

“ good for you now leave me alone”Jamie says

“ that baby is mine”Pax said

“I don’t even know who the father is.why are you so sure your the father .” Jamie is pretty sure she knows what Pax did but she wanted him to admit to it.

She grabs her phone and press record. She knew he was dumb enough to admitting to stealthing her.

“Because I am I took a dna test today to prove it”Pax says

“ I never told you this but I slept with Derek around the same time”

“You did?”Pax says

“ I did”Jamie say snuggly

Pax punches the door.

“ So tell me how you know this baby is yours” Jamie asked

“ because I planned ...well not really I ran out of condoms”

“ wait I told you I found noah condoms and you said you used one”Jamie said

At this point Jamie could kill him.

“ I mean I started out with one and I just didn’t .. finish with one. We can be the family you never had. You me and baby.”Pax says quietly

I knew it Jamie said to herself.

There’s a nother knock on the door.

Jamie looks and sees it her shipt shopper .

“Crap”

Jamie opens the door to let’s her in.

“ thank you so much” Jamie says to the shopper.

“ let me help you with that.” Pax says as he picks up the bags that the shoppers sat by the door.

Jamie looks at pax with complete disbelief.

When the last bag was placed on the counter with the help of Pax. The shopper linger a little after noticing the tension between Jamie and Pax.

“ would you like help putting groceries way?” The shopper says

“ sure that would be great”Jamie says

Jamie notices pax is getting impatient.

“ I’ll give you 50 dollars to leave”Pax offer the shopper

“ why don’t you leave “Jamie says to pax as she helps puts away the groceries.

“ do you mind showing me the best way to orange lane from here my phone just died?”the shopper asked. She is trying to break the tension.

“ sure” Jamie and the shopper walk out of the apartment .

“ I know it’s not my business but is that guy bothering you?” The older women in the green shipt shirt asked as soon as they are away from the apartment door.

“ he is “

“ do you want me to call the police?”

“ honestly I’m not sure”

“ oh ok “

They both turn and see pax coming out be hind them.

“ where are you going?”Pax say from behind Jamie.

“ go away pax!”Jamie says before she heads to her car. The shopper heads for her car and Jamie walks as fast as she can to her’s.

“ wait wait where are you going??” Pax say as he chases after her.

Jamie gets to her car but pax grabs her by the arm.

“ let me go!”Jamie says as she yanks her arm away from Pax.

“ why won’t you talk to me . No one loves you like I do.”Pax says

“ love? Your obsessed with me. That’s no love.!”Jamie says.

Jamie tried to open her car door but pax is in the way.

“ your stressing me out and it’s not good for the baby”

“ then talk to me give us a chance”Pax says

“ why can’t you take no for my answer?”

“ because that’s my baby and it deserves to have a good home.”Pax

“ with parents that love each other and want to be with each other.”Jamie say

“ exactly “pax say

“ news flash I found a nice couple that love each other and want a baby and they have money and a legacy!”Jamie say

“ what’s going on here”Jamie turns and pax looks over her head to see noah standing behind the card.

“He was just leaving”Jamie say

Pax isn’t very smart but he knew he didn’t want to cause a scene in front of Noah.

“ I think you wore out your welcome Pax”Noah say

“ this isn’t over”pax says before leaving

“ yes it is”Jamie says as she closes her car door.

“ Noah “pax nods then walks to his used Mercedes and drives off.

“ hey you ok?”noah ask

“ yeah a little shaken up”Jamie says

“ what just happened?”

“ he somehow figure out I might be pregnant with his baby.”

“ oh..”noah say.

“ yeah any clue how he did that?”

“ it wasn’t me I have been busy all afternoon at home”Noah says not wanting to tell her that jude met with the starters today.

As Noah packed some more of his things Jamie told him what exactly happen.

On the way home noah put all the pieces together.

Noah pulls up and puts in the gate code jude gave him yesterday.Noah drives up and notices the lights on in the back yard.

Noah sighed.

Noah grabs his first load and carries it into the house. Noah heads straight in to his walk in closet.

On his last load jude meeting him in the door way.

“ hey need some help ?”jude says

Noah notices jude is in shorts a apron and one of his wife beaters and a pair of flip flops. Are those his too?

“ I’m good thanks.”noah say as he heads to the bed room.

Jude follows Noah into the bed room.

Noah doesn’t say anything.

“ so I made us dinner and I have a few suprises for you”jude says

“ I’m not really hungry.”

“ oh ok”noah can heard the disappointment in jude voice.

“ so how did the meeting go?”noah asked as he put away his clothes.

“ good good I think everything going to go semi smooth.”jude said.

“ good . I want to finish my closet and then go to bed.”noah says

Jude knew something was up Noah’s tone was off and he didn’t want dinner.

“ well I’ll put your steak corn and mushrooms up in case you want to eat it later.”jude says.

Noah sigh. As he watches jude go to the door.

Jude gets half way to the door and the turns.

“ I planned this meal out and bought you a gift and set up another surprise in the back yard and you won’t even eat with me . I’m trying to embrace my romantic side and now you won’t even go with it . Why do I feel like I’m being punished what’s wrong?” Jude say.

Noah’s heard his parents in his head. Talk to him don’t be stubborn.

“ I’m sorry but I would bet money you talked to pax about the baby. Pax when straight to the apartment and confronted her about it and it got a little out of hand .”

“ what happened”jude asked

“ pax doesn’t understand the word no. She told him multiple time to leave and told him she didn’t want to talk to him and he stayed . He only left when I got there.”

“ crap I knew he was going to figure it out.”jude said

“ oh and the best part he confesses to taking the condom off in the middle of sex.”noah said

“ oh.”

“ Its called stealthing. It turns consensual sex into non consensual sex in on quick and stupid move.noah say .

“ true well that went from 1 to 100 really quick.”

“ now we have a player that raped a dancer and a baby in the mix.” Noah say

Jude walks over and takes a seat on the bed .

“ there goes every thing we were trying to work for with the devil’s image .”jude say

“ it’s not over yet I think she has a plan and it’s has nothing to do with going to the cops.”noah says

“ really?” Jude say

“ yeah. Let’s not worry about it we are months away from the baby come.”noah say

“ noah I cant help it if I lose the team it’s over !”jude says

“ I don’t think she will do anything to hurt the Devils” noah finished the sentence in his head.again

“ are you sure ?”

“ yes devils are our bread and butter and she in no shape to work and she wants us to have the baby she wouldn’t jeopardize that that. I might have mentioned that the devil’s can’t handle anymore bad press.”noah say. He would like to see Jamie get justice because what pax did was wrong.jude thought to himself.

Jude runs his hands through his hair.

Noah finishes up in his closet and sits next to Jude.

“ let’s go have dinner.”

“Ok. Sorry for not saying anything to you about the meeting it wasn’t about the devil it had everything to do with the baby.”jude says

“ that’s why I was upset. I could have taken her out or just stayed with her. Jude this is about our family we are in this together.ok ?please let me know what’s going on”noah say

“ your right”jude say

“ I’m hungry !lets eat!”noah say

Jude face lights up.

“ ok but you have to close your eyes.”jude say

“ ok but just does run me into a wall” noah says

Noah closes his eyes and takes Jude’s hand.jude pull noah behind him and accidentally bumping him into the doorway

“ Dane! “noah say

“ sorry I should have put you in front of me”Jude kisses Noah’s frowning face and gets behind noah and steers him to the backyard.

“ no peaking.”

They step out on the covered patio with a table set for two. Jude pulls out the chair and sits noah carefully down

“You can open your eyes now”

“ wow candles , the radio on with the baseball game and a gift ! I’m impressed Dane. Wow I’m impressed ”Noah looks around. He hasn’t spent any time anyplace beside that bedroom bathroom kitchen dining room and the living room. This is completely new.

“ it’s nice out here”noah says

Noah see that there are ceilings fans and a sitting area and chairs for four people.

Jude comes out with two plates and two beers in his pockets.Jude sits Noah’s plate down and then a beer.

“ this looks amazing! Mexican streets corn, garlic mushrooms? and a porterhouses steak. I married a chef!”

“ please try it first before you compliment me. Ok?”jude says as he cuts into his steak.

Noah bits into his corn.

“ this is so good”noah say

Jude smiles and coutinue to eat and watches Noah’s reaction to his steak.

Noah takes a bite.

“ Jude ..”noah say

“ it’s over cooked isn’t it . Sorry about that.”

Noah take a nother bite and gets up and walks over to Jude.

“It’s ok if you want to throw it..”jude starts to say before Noah kisses him.

“ shhhh Dane. it’s perfect I love a rare steak . Have a little faith in yourself.”Noah says as he kisses him two more times before taking his seat again.

Jude smiles.

“ maybe I can cook dinner once a week?”jude says

“ that works . You tell me what I need to pick up at the store and you cook?”

“ sounds like a plan.”jude says

“ I got the dishes then “ noah says as he cuts his steak

“Ok sounds like a plan then.oh I have to set up one more surprise in the back yard”Jude says

“ oh there’s more?” Noah say as he takes the last bit of his mushrooms.

“Yes and when are you opening your gift” jude pokes to the purple bag on the table as he wipes his mouth.

“ I was saving it for after dinner”noah says

Jude slides the bag closer to noah.

Noah smile.

“ ok ok I’ll open it” noah says with a smile

“ it’s not much but I saw it an thought about you... more like us”jude says

“Not much? you made me dinner and there’s a surprise outside waiting for me.i feel like a slacker”Noah says

“ why? between our talk last night the flowers and breakfast your not slacking. This isn’t a competition between us noah. Jude says

“Fine “ noah say

Noah takes the bag and pulls out a Seattle seahawk candy dispenser that has been customized .

“ Seattle!!!” Noah read then laughs.

“I thought it was cute”jude say

“ it is and how many bags of corn nuts did it take to fit this?”

“ 15 I think I could be wrong ” jude says

Noah laughs.

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