F I S S I O N - Why the hell do you hurt yourself for this?

Hello, hope this message finds you well!!!

My birthday is tomorrow and I was wondering if I could request something for Wonwoo or Jeonghan,,, something that starts as angst and ends as fluff maybe? I've been feeling so shitty lately, sigh.

But also!!! I totally understand if you don't accept this req hehe

Have a good day/night ahead ❤️

P.S. if you accept anons, can I be 🦷 ?

Paring: wonwoo x you, jeonghan x you

Requested: yes

Genre: fluff, angst

Warning(s): cheating, a bit of violence

Summary: wonwoo cheats and jeonghan swoops in to save the day

Word count: 1.0k

Other works

Beta reader: none (its not proof read)

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.

a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask. Plus, if you loved it enough don't forget to reblog, it will help me reach a larger audience.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

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a/n 2: hey! happy birthday!! or advanced birthday! I wanted to post a proper fic, but as its your birthday, i didnt want to make you wait. so a drabble for i shall provide :)

plus i hope you feel better soon. im rooting for you!!!!!!

btw yes i accept anons, and i would love to talk with all of you! ✨✨✨✨

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Wonwoo is a busy man. I mean of course he is. The stelar kid of the family, the only child to get a medical degree and also the one to have a fiancé at the age of thirty-one ready to get married and start his own family.

The man was just the epitome of brilliance and was always diligent and hardworking. He was filled with back up plans and made more back up plans for those said back up plans. He was so into creating the perfect life for himself, he even made sure that he has another lady in store to be on the safe side because what if this one leaves him?

Now this is where you come to play. Unbeknownst to you the doctor you had been dating for the better half of two years, has already made plans for his happily ever after with another. What is more hilarious is the one said lover of his is none other than your distant cousin.

Being a woman with normal job that requires working for normal hours in the office, you accepted the fact that you would never understand the intensive hours these doctors work. Yes there were times when he was not called on his pager but his phone and was asked to immediately go to the hospital. Yes there were times when you had gone to the hospital to surprise him only to know that he was not there. And yes he specifically told you he wanted to keep the relationship private as all his coworkers are too nosy for their good.

Should you have figured out that the one guy you were madly in love with was already set to become the husband of other?

Yes

But did you?

Absolutely not!

Maybe that is why he kept you around, you were easy to lie to or were you just a good lay?

You would never know. Funnily enough you wouldn’t have know about the woman either if she wouldn’t have come to your house after your genius of a lover forgot to turn of his location during his nightly escapades with you.

The lady came storming into the house looked around in search of the man who had wronged her all while screaming at the top of her lungs at trying to make her presence known.

You would have never felt the hurt you felt that day if Wonwoo knew how to be a loyal man to his fiancé. You would have never have to hear the words, “this is the bitch you were fucking behind my back all this time,” from that lady. While she slapped you like she hated you and took jabs at your pride.

She made you question your integrity, your life and all your actions. Was it your fault that the man who said sweet ‘I love you’s to you every night was also telling them to his beloved fiancé. Maybe it was.

But the deed was done your self-respect was destroyed. Now you would always look at the mirror and realize that it was you who was the other woman. It was you who took the beautiful fantasy of one home away from another.

You left Wonwoo that day. He never tried to call. You were never important to him anyway. He left you broken, questioning your values, your life, and your actions.

This hurt more than any breakup you had been through because it was when you realized how naïve you were, how it was easy to lie to you. It made you feel like shit and there was no going back.

You stopped visiting your family, and meeting too scared to see those disappointed looks on their faces. What if you stumbled upon her when there was a function, she would hate you and you were too scared to face anyone let alone yourself.

She got married to him anyway. It was just a small hiccup in their relationship, while it did indeed destroyed you, they were happy. It is all that mattered to them. And although you would give them the credit for moving on with their lives, you couldn’t say the same for yourself.

It was then you had met Jeonghan, the man was funny and jovial, a bit of a prankster. He was exactly what you needed to escape life. He was the breath of fresh air you needed. He anchored you to reality and let to feel the happiness of life.

The friendship you both had built, had come shattering down one day when you got to realize he was friends with none other than the man you threw you down the shameful spiral of self-hatred.

That week you reused to talk to the man, at all. He suddenly made your skin crawl. For if he were friends with a man as despicable as Wonwoo after all his deeds, how much of a monster could he actually be. You didn’t want to stick around to get to know that.

Exactly a week after that Jeonghan was standing at your door. And was ready to make you talk no matter what. And talk you did that day. You shouted at the man for a whole hour to make sure he understood you would never be the other woman again. You were fooled once but you refused to be fooled twice.

After your shouting spree, he had held you to calm you down and told you he didn’t know what had Wonwoo done. He apologized profusely for the hurt his friend caused you while relentlessly promising to never betray you.

That day he asked you for a chance and just asked you to trust him for this once and let him in your life. He promised he would make sure you never you feel any less than what you should. He promised that you were enough for him and would spend his whole life proving it to you.

Surprisingly enough he did. He never left you once after that, never let you question your worth. Now after almost thirty years. You are happy with the man. You have lived a life were you enjoyed every bit of it. Jeonghan made sure you did. With your three kids happy and settled, you both went to live in the countryside seeking the peace that comes with it. You are happy and you are sure you would trade the whole world for this happiness. But good for you, you don’t need to.

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a/n 3: i hope you liked this !!

Anonymous Bloodswap Headcanons, parts 1 through 3. I am not the source, all ideas presented are from an anonymous user.

the best thing about being a creative is that you can inspire others, and im so so happy that someone wanted to share such a great interpretation of my bloodswap. it has so much great stuff going on that i can really appreciate, so if anon ever sees this, PLEASE keep writing!! you obviously have a lot of talent. :]

transcript under the cut

okay so terezi is like. Raised in the courts, she’s always playing around online “judging” people’s crimes. This is how she comes across the others — she meets vriska first, talking about the annoying things highbloods do, and decides she likes this girl, takes pity on her, meets her friends, proper scourge sisters courtship and all such shit

vriska really loves to flarp. her favorite thing is to flarp pirates with eridan and kanaya (although eridan always makes her do the dirty job of killing the trolls they round up while kanaya takes their lusii for tz, so vriska mildly resents him for it ig? eridan doesn’t notice, just figures that vriska’s doing what she’s naturally meant to do — become more powerful so that maybe one day she’ll be able to be in his presence not as a flarper but as a hatefriend. yes he’s still racist in my head.)

sollux and aradia are in a cave system one day when they hear the sounds of some trolls running. sollux, lil guy that he is, gets involved, while aradia stays for backup but doesn’t really want to deal with this. sollux finds eridan and vriska hunting down the two trolls. he challenges eridan to a duel, dismissing vriska. vriska is. rightfully pissed and retreats (terezi will hear about this). eridan loses the duel — he didn’t know that his powers wouldn’t work to their full extent on sollux and sollux therefore has time to take him out. eridan’s never been a very physical fighter, always relying on vriska to do the dirty jobs for him or on his mind powers to take people out so he didn’t know how to deal with this.

eridan is lost broken he just lost to a dirty little hemonymous upstart who somehow evaded his powers? shit’s getting real man idk. anyway he looks into who sollux is, finds out who his friends are — and oh, fuck, he’s red courting fef. eridan is fucking livid at this. but fef manages to calm him down for now. keyword.

anyway in the meantime karkat is having fun exploring his caves and figuring out his ancestral legacy when he discovers this weird one with his sign on it, only it’s not only his sign its also nepeta’s sign and sollux’s sign?? he looks into it. there’s a statue of what looks like an older version of sollux, sweeping a hand out dramatically over the empty cave. karkat’s ancestor is behind him, hand on S.A (sollux’s ancestor’s) shoulder. N.A is sitting at his feet, grinning devilishly, eyes glowing and air sparking around her as her hair floats wildly in the air. intrigued karkat spends some long weeks fucking around in there until he discovers his ancestor’s diary. he reads through it, uploads it to goregle storage and sends it to sollux and nepeta. 

nepeta when she gets this is absolutely fucking enraged. what the fuck, karkat. you dont just share anti empire shit like this on goregle! youre not part of the fucking warthunder fandom for heavens sake! anyway she gets mad at him, kind of ends up blowing some shit up with her psionics (she always had too much power and not enough control) and starts a fire in her hivestem. this takes so long to put out and is during the day. at least six people die, and nepeta suffers severe third degree burns both from the fire and from running out of the burning building into the sun. sollux finds out, yells at karkat, they’re not friends for the next few sweeps. anyway karkat, trying to make amends, takes nepeta into his cave system, where they spend the next couple of sweeps until sgrub charting ships and talking romance and ancestral legacy and healing their friendship. theyve got a really fuckin cute pale thing going on by the time they enter sgrub. 

gamzee gets wind of what nepeta did. he of course has no idea what karkat did. so he starts cyberstalking nepeta, carefully gathering evidence on his murderer friend. she notices but decides not to say anything — he’s a teal, she can’t challenge him. aradia might like her but aradia’s also stoned most of the time on weird highblood weed so she’s not sure how well the trial would go. anyway gamzee collects this evidence, and, once he’s got enough (or, thinks he does), he sends it to aradia. 

aradia finds this amusing, that he would put so much time into a seemingly petty grudge against a lowblood 

“what kinda crush you got on her, gam”

he takes offense, arguing that she murdered five people and commited arson! she obviously isn’t right in the head, should be culled or at the very least punished and put in her place! aradia takes this moment to point out that she’s a fucking clown. she doesn’t care if someone kills another person. as long as there’s not a political motive, she isn’t there for it. gamzee resignedly leaves it alone. 

however! then we’ve got aradia and tavros discussing this stuff. tavros ends up spilling the beans to terezi. he’s always liked nepeta, found her super awesome but like shit if he’s going to lie to the heiress

terezi ponders it for a while, lets it sit. 

before you know it they’re all six sweeps old. the game starts. shenanigans ensue. 

not going to go into this stuff but: 

vriska and terezi break up, leaving terezi mentally fragile and vriska mentally and socially vulnerable

karkat and nepeta also break up when nepeta starts pitch courting gamzee (karkat cant deal with it because he doesn’t understand why and everything is changing and nep can’t keep up w him and and and and . teenager stuff.)

erinepquius moirails maybe? 

eridan definitely figures out their gender sometime during this, thanks to kanaya (they’re in some sort of quasi-romantic relationship — not quadranted but not entirely platonic)

gamzee keeps a close eye on nep. whenever she starts to get angry, he records it. whenever she steps out of line, he’s onto her.

terezi keeps a close eye on the records gamzee keeps. she doesn’t approve of this — of what he’s doing — but nep might be dangerous,. she’s constantly fighting with herself and the otehrs, and keeping them off balance. 

karkat fucks up the frog because he’s so on edge, so paranoid. terezi’s affecting everyone, and it doesn’t help that he doesn’t have a moirail anymore. 

they finish their game, but then bec noir comes and yeets it. 

escape to the meteor. 

ill finish these tomorrow lmao

Ok since no one's gonna ask me abt my colour thoughts with carla and lionel i'll write it out myself /j

Anyways take my stupid analysis under the cut bc i know im gonna end up rambling and long posts are annoying to scroll by on mobile

Okok so i mentioned in the tags of this post that i have thoughts on lionel being represented by blue and carla by red in Walk/The final chapter of The Hex.

For Lionel, the video of him getting murdered is purely blue, like if you took the fuckin Twilight filter and intensified it. As well, he mentions Gamefuna in at least four of the sections in Walk (I cant remember for sure with Vicious Galaxy and the last lil bit with the trophy + reggie lore reveal), and just overall has continuous connections to the colour blue.

Carla, on the other hand, while never physically appearing, is associated with the colour red via Sado. Outside of gold earrings, Sado's only proper colour is red. Red eyes appear in most of the puzzles during Walk, which Lionel remarks is a bug that he's been dealing with since Carla made Sado. Finally, when Lionel.exe crashes in Beneath The Surface (Carla's game), the Sado faces are purely red (which, granted, it's the same way if you try to use a cheat code to kill Sado in Waste World, but still).

So we also see this blue/red colour scheme back in Pony Island, which is obviously connected to The Hex (Lou Natas/Lucifer running Gamefuna, Asmodeus appears in the Secrets of Legendaria crash, you can find Louey in Waste World, and finally Lucifer's symbols appearing on Vallamir's dark spells book. Probably more but that's all I know), and ik the connection is definitely not real at all, I like to think about colours for anything that isnt drawing (colour theory my detested)

So the only character in PI we see with a purely blue colour scheme is the Hopeless Soul, who is, for obvious reasons, the only real ally we have in PI. He's strongly against Lucifer, and aids the player in deleting PI. And while Lionel obviously isn't against Gamefuna/Lou like HS is (selling swk, working for them for cax and sol, using the gameworks engine, etc.), he's definitely been put in that victim position when it comes to Gamefuna. If he hadn't used the Gameworks engine, his characters might not have been sentient. And hey, if they were still sentient, then there would've been no irving (and no irving means no leg crushing and no leg crushing means no strangulation). As well, Lionel's reputation is definitely ruined by selling swk to Gamefuna. Overall, much like HS and all the other souls Lou had in his possession, Lionel's life gets veeeeery much so ruined just for being associated with them (not to say everything wasn't also his own fault, it very much so was, but I also cant blame him for treating game characters like shit. He didnt know they were alive until, like, a few weeks before he died. Aka during Lazarus' escape from the Gameworks building when Irving told him he's sentient, as implied in the audio I wrote down in this post).

Then we look to Carla, who's associated with the colour red (or yellow if you wanna argue that, because of the ducks, but that's not the point). In PI, the Daemons protecting the core files are all red (outside of slight glitchiness having small amounts of blue, but overall they're very red). They're working with Lou, helping to protect the very files that make up the game. With Carla, it's implied that she used satanic methods to made Sado like. That. (It's hinted at by the occult symbol on her Sado design notes in Walk, which we know is also the logo for Satantech Corp. in PI). Like the Daemons, Carla's got a reason to be against one specific person. The Daemons are against you, the player, because you're trying to delete what they're trying to protect. And, well, Carla hates Lionel for majorly screwing her over in several fucking ways. She's an ally of Lou's to some degree, and is responsible for creating the literal fucking demon spawn that fucks with you four fucking times. (Sado's battle in cax, killing Rocky in ww, her battle in vg2, and then the jumpscare and eyes in walk). Overall, she's slotted into that antagonistic role, not to mention the fact that her creation ends up killing Luke at the end of inscryption. Honestly I'm really hoping we get more Carla lore in the next dmg game, but that's besides the point.

Buuut yeah! Those are my lil thoughts on the colour connections. Again, obv im just yanking random things and running with it, but considering how little we actually do know about these two (especially carla) outside of what little we're told, I like being able to do lil analysis type things with these bitches. Thanks for reading! :D

Hypnosis

Cop!Bakugou x Villain!Reader(NSFW)

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Cursing, forced sub!bakugou, dom! reader, dub con, bondage because if you think im writing a cop au and not use hand cuffs youre dead wrong, choking, degradation, spit, oral, overstimulation, gagging, hair pulling, unprotected sex

Word count: 3973

A/N: Me and @1-800-callmekatsuki were thirsting over bakugou for hours and I HAD to write this. I ended up getting really into this so it ended up being a little longer than I expected but I hope y’all enjoy. Also this is the photo that got this whole fic started. The art is not mine.

*PSA*

A little side note I’ve gotten a few comments in regards to the current situation going on in the US and trust me I get it, but this blog is just a place for me to personally escape the things going on irl. I wasn’t writing this in correlation to anything going on and I’m sorry if people think this is bad timing but this story is free of any personal opinion and just something fun for people to read. I want my blog to be for other people what it is for me, just something to enjoy. If for any reason this story bothers you I’m really sorry🥺🥺 I’m just a horny girl who just want to write smut and I think fbi/ cop bakugou is hot 😭 If reading anything in regards to a cop (even when not negative) is something that bothers you then please feel free to keep scrolling. I don’t take any offense to people not liking this, but I did work hard on this and for those of you do read it I hope you guys enjoy it. ❤️

Arms crossed against his broad chest, Katsuki scoffed at the briefing he was just given by his chief. The criminal that the precinct had just managed to catch was believed to be tied to the League of Villains. Y/N Y/L/N, her quirk was called Sirens Song. She’s able to control men with just the sound of her voice. She had been caught trying to smuggle weapons, thought to be for the L.O.V, in a boat that she stole from two unfortunate men that happened to cross her path.

This whole thing was a waste of his time, he could be out there trying to find the actual threats. Instead he was in this meeting, listening to the description of just another wannabe villain. When the chief had finished with the case details, Katsuki got up from the chair, ready to go back to his patrol when the man spoke up again.

“We are going to be keeping her in holding for a few days to try to get as much information we can get out of her to see if she’s the connection to the League that we’ve been looking for. On the screen you will see a list of the interrogation times and who goes when, as well as who will be covering what over night watch shift. After you have checked for your name you are free to go.”

Rolling his eyes, the blond walks over to the board and sees he is set as the over night guard for tonight. He clenches his jaw, instead of being able to go home after a long day, he’s forced to work all night. Watching some criminal trying to pass as a real target. He whips his head to his boss, stomping over.

“Oi, what the hell is this supposed to be huh?! You got me working for 24 hours, ain’t that illegal or some shit?” Not being able to control his anger at the situation.

“Officer Bakugou I see that you’ve taken a look at the board. Don’t worry about the work load, you’ve been assigned to a fairly peaceful district so there shouldn’t be to much strain on you. If there any other problems you have I would recommend biting your tongue. You’re already on thin ice this week due to you run in with Officer Midoriya. Be grateful you are involved in this case in anyway. Now if that will be all.” The chief says not allowing Katsuki the time to interject, leaving afterwards to go to his office.

Left there grinding his teeth, he holds back his dying urge to curse the man out and leaves the building to start his “easy” patrol. He hated easy days, it wasn’t what he had joined for. He wanted to hunt down bad guys and make them suffer for what they did. He wanted to put away thugs and criminals, not right a ticket for an unpaid parking meter. I’m to good of a cop to be a fucking meter maid. His jaw firm as he thinks about the cases other stations were working on. The good that he could be doing if he wasn’t here, having his talent go to waste. Saving people was what he wanted to do, be the hero that saves the day. But all because of his temper, he now had the “easy” shift.

He pulled back into the station at 10 pm to start the over night watch. mostly everyone had gone home, except for the few stragglers finishing up their last amounts of paperwork for the week. He heads to the break room to grab something quick to eat when the chief walked into the room.

“There is a few things I wanted to tell you about your shift tonight and about the situation at hand. The suspect quirk is very powerful, while the room they’re in cancels quirks, the effects of hers can still be felt to some degree. They are no where near her normal strength and more of a temptation that most are able to snap out of after a few seconds. Do not under estimate her Bakugou, do you hear me? I will not be filling a missing suspect report because you are to arrogant to follow commands.” The chief explain to him, belittling him the process. If the anger he felt could be seen physically, everything in the room would have been exploded.

“Yeah, yeah I hear you loud and clear. The idiot isn’t gonna be a problem.. sir.” His attitude barely peaking out at the end of his sentence, a slight smirk on his lips. With that response, his boss leaves for the night, officially leaving Katsuki alone in the station to start his second shift of the day. 

Coffee. If there was any way that he was going to get through this night it was going to be with lots of coffee. He goes to the coffee pot and makes himself a small pot. With a mug in his hand he starts his walk over to the holding cells. He turned the corner and sees you sitting there in the cell. His eye widen subtly, Damn she’s hot. Maybe he wouldn’t need coffee after all. He took his seat near your cell so keep an eye on you. There wasn’t much he could really do. There was no way for you to get out. Basically he was just there to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself until the detectives come back to investigate you more. As he sat there he got a good look at you. Your clothes were dirty a torn from you chase from the cops, rips on you pants exposing parts of your thighs, and the rip on you shirt showed just enough of your abdomen to leave him dirty thoughts. Thoughts of how soft your skin is, how it would feel under his calloused fingers. How you would react to his touch, goosebumps covering your skin. He looks up to your face. Small scratches liter it but that does nothing to hide how beautiful you are. The way your eyes catch the light and how pieces of your hair fall out of your pony tail framing you face. Your hair slightly a mess, probably due to running yet all he could think about was how much he wanted to mess it up even more. You run his hands through it and just yank your head back with a fist full of your locks. The two of you hadn’t even exchanged words to each other but he knew he wanted you. You’re eyes met his after he was done checking you out.

“Do you like what you see?...” Your eye brow raised in amusement as you caught his wandering eyes. You take this time to check out the officer who you assumed would be watching you tonight. His uniform and vest highlighting how broad his chest is, the sleeves tight around his arms due to the amount of muscle it was trying to contain. His pants tightened around his thighs. Blond hair slightly covering his eyes. He clenches his jaw and you swear that thing could cut diamonds. This man was hot and you cant help but smirk at the fact he was checking you out. You look back down to his chest to see his name tag, Bakugou. “...Officer Bakugou” His face immediately pulls into a scowl in defense. 

“Oh you fucking wish” He pulls his eyes away from you and rest his head on the back of his seat. He shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable, finding it impossible as this chair was a piece of shit. So he stands up and starts looking around trying to find something else to focus on. You break him out of his thoughts.

“Do you have anything else that I could wear? These clothes are ruined and I’d like to be in proper clothing.” You say in reference to your tattered clothes, ruined by jumping over fences and having them get caught and rip. You hear a ‘tsk’ and see him start to walk off. Rolling your eyes at the mans action, you sit down on the chair in your cell seeing as he walked off without giving you a response.

“Here” you look up to see him sliding a shirt and pair of pant in through the bars. You walk over and grab them from his hands, running your finger tips across his skin in the process. He yanks his hand back before you can try to touch him again. You wanted more. Frowning, you walk back near the chair and set your clothes down on it, your hands go to the edge of you shirt but you stop feeling a burning gaze on your back. You turn around to see him staring at you.

“Do you mind?” Raising your eye brow at him.

“I have to watch you to make sure you don’t attempt to do anything that could cause harm to yourself.” He says coldly, as if he wasn’t dying at the opportunity to see what was under your clothes.

“Okay then suit yourself.” With a smirk on your lips you pull you shirt off over your head, making sure that he could see everything. You slowly fold it and move down to you pants, your finger lingering at the zipper for a moment before pulling it down. Your hands make there way to waist band and tug them down, shimming out of the tight pants, making you butt sway infront of him. If he was going to watch you, you were going to make sure he got a good show out of it. Hands linger around your curves as you snake the fabric down your legs at an agonizingly slow pace. Katsuki could feel his pants tightening at the sight, his breath catching in his throat. A smirk across your face as you see his flustered reaction to your stripping. Activating your quirk you slowly walk over to the bars separating the two of you.

“Why don’t you get in here” Your words putting the man in a trance as he struggles against your suggestion. Starting to get ticked of he isn’t already subdued you speak up again, “Don’t make me repeat myself, you wont like the consequences.”  He feels himself start moving towards your cell against his better judgement. He fights against the feeling in his chest pulling him forward, but before he knows it he’s infront of you inside of the cell. A sinister shine in your eyes as you step closer to the blond, closing the distance, Katsuki could feel the room getting hotter. Your hands make its way to his chest, paralyzing him underneath your touch. 

“Look at you, now go be good boy for me and sit down.” His face burns red at the demand, no one talks to him like this, so why was it turning him on so much. He stays in his place as his last attempt at keeping his dominance over the situation. Your hand travels up to his jaw, fingers roughly grasping either side as you growl into his ear, your patience being tested “Do not test me pretty boy, do what you’re told.” 

You see him struggling against your command feeling conflicted at the switch of power. You put both of you hands on his chest and push him down onto the chair. His eyes wide unable to stop you as you reach down into his pouch grabbing his cuffs. Quickly, you rip off his vest and shirt leaving his torso bare. You walk behind him in the chair, your hands on his shoulders running down his arms, a burning trail left where ever your nails lightly scratch, until your hands make it his wrists. Roughly grabbing them and yanking them behind his back, cuffing his wrist to the chair, permanently securing him in place to allow you to do whatever you please. He assumed you were just going to take advantage of the situation and leave, but he was sorely mistaken. You travel to the front of him leaning forward to kiss his jaw, traveling down to his neck. You roam his neck, searching for his pulse, kissing it once you find it. A groan rips out past his lips, unable to stop it at the sudden pleasure coursing through him. The noise sending a wave over power over you as you start kissing more harshly, sucking and biting at the spot, desperately wanting to hear the noise again.

Once satisfied with the mark now on his neck, you back up standing in front of him, your hands moving down to his pants as you start undoing them. His eyes widen as you pull down his pants and underwear down in one swift movement, his raging boner slapping against his abdomen as he sucks in a harsh breath at the release from the tight confinement. A whine leaves his lips as your hands leave burning trails all over his body, purposely avoiding where he was starting to crave your touch most. Desperate to know how your soft touches would feel against him, the anticipation of whether you’d be gentle or not was starting to eat him alive.

“Did I hear a whine baby? Are you that desperate for me. Look at you, rock hard and I haven’t even done anything yet, absolutely disgusting.” Your words like venom. He twitches as your hand grasps the base of his cock, a deep gasp coming out at your sudden touch. Your other hand goes to his hip pushing him down. Your mouth goes to his ear, “If you fucking move again, I will stop do you understand?” Katsuki swallows hard, suddenly unable to find any words. He hisses as you hand leaves his dick to his throat, choking the man. “Answer me Bakugou”

“Yes princess” He couldn’t help it anymore. He was under your trance but he could care less, all he knew was he needed you. That evil smirk crosses your face once again at his submission. 

“Good boy” You release his neck and trail back down to his throbbing dick. Your thumb brushes over his tip collecting all of the precum oozing out of it. You slowly pump him in your hand, his breath catching in his throat. You gather the excess saliva in your mouth and spit it onto his hard cock. His eyes shoot to yours as the cool liquid meets his burning hot member.

Your hand starts a steady past as you move up and down, making sure to add pressure to the prominent vein on the underside of his shaft. Your hand twisting every time you get to his tip earning a deep groan from his throat. He gets lost in ecstasy as you start picking up the pace, giving extra attention to his tip. He’s so caught up in it that when you replace your hand with your mouth he lets out a moan. You make him bottom out inside your mouth and the noises coming from the man infront of you make you let out a moan yourself, the vibrations only bringing him further pleasure. 

“Fuck princess that- ugh- feels sooo good” your tongue presses deeply into the vein all the way up to his tip, you make sure to give extra attention to the sensitive swollen head. Relaxing your throat, you take him all the way in, him pressing down your throat. But it was completely worth is for the look on his face. Eyebrows furrowed and his head thrown back in pure bliss. You move you head back up adding your hand in to meet his balls as you start massaging them. Katsuki is a moaning mess under your touch and wants nothing more than to run his hands through your hair and fuck into your mouth relentlessly. Watch as you start tearing up at the lack of air as he just gets off. But being completely under your control instead turned him on to no end. The added pleasure from your hand in combination with your mouth was sending him over board. He throws his head back as a deep groan leaves his lips along with several profanities as he shoots hot white ropes into your mouth, His orgasm taking over him with no warning. Surprised by his sudden release you swallow all of his seed, yet continue your movements. When he notice that you show no sign of stopping he lets out a whine at how sensitive he was. He tried moving away but your free hand grips his thigh, fingernails digging in as he hisses at the pain.

“Wha-what are you doing? I cant-” his voice uneasy from a mix of coming down from his high and the sensitivity he felt. You release his dick with a loud pop.

“You see I never said you could finish, but you decided to be a selfish little whore and finish anyways.” You stand up, releasing your grip from both his balls and thighs. You push his knees together and then move your hands to the clip of your bra and undo it, letting it drop to the ground. Your hands shoot to your breasts as you give them a rough squeeze, Katsuki drinking in the sight, whimpering as his sensitive cock twitches. His eyes glued to your hands as the travel down your body to the waistband of your matching underwear. Your fingers toying with the band, slightly dipping it and bringing it back up, loving how Bakugou reacted to your every move. His face flushed from the hormones rushing through his body, his dick painfully hard at the beautiful image infront of him. You pull the underwear down your thighs, strings of slick connect to the lacy clothing. Saying that everything that had been happening wasn’t turning you on severely would be dead wrong. Every moan that left his mouth sent a jolt straight to your core and you wanted, no needed, something, and you knew exactly what you were going to do.

You bring you legs on either side of one of his massive thigh and lower yourself onto him. His eyes widen as you grind yourself against him, throwing your head back as pleasure courses through you at the friction. His eyes shoot to where you were seated and watched as you shamelessly got yourself off on him. He watched as your juices drip down his leg, his cock twitches as he wanted nothing more than to be buried deep within your walls, slamming into you. He wines as you let out a loud moan, the friction feeling so good against your swollen clit.

“Please princess- fuck- let me make you feel go-” You stop his talking by shoving the lace into his mouth and grab his jaw roughly.

“All you deserve right now is to be my pretty little fuck toy okay. If you can behave then maybe ill let you fuck me.” You purr into his ear, your hot breath fanning across his neck as you move your hips grinding against him. You moan at the feeling, continuing to expertly move your hips back and forth. As you feel yourself getting close you reach your hand up to your nipples and starts tugging at them sending waves of pleasure into your core, giving you just the boost you needed. Your hand shoots to the back of Kastuki’s head tugging on his soft hair as you chaise your release. He watches your every move as you cum all over his thigh, his cock throbbing at the sight of your orgasm. Your eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed as you bit your lip, failing your attempt to hold back your moans. Once you come down from your high you move your legs so that you are no longer straddling his thigh, but now his waist, your soaking core pressed against his dick. A muffled moan attempts to leave his lips at the much needed pressure. Your hand goes to his mouth and you retrieve the now soaked pair of undies, a trail of saliva following. “Do you want to fuck me baby?”

“Yes, please Y/N. please let me fill you up.” he groans as you move your hips to grind against him.

“Do you think you deserve to touch me?” You ask the desperate man, a smile on your face at how eager he is.

“Fuck yes, let me make you feel so good” You lean down to wear his pants were grabbing the key, reaching behind him pushing the key into the cuff unlocking them. His hand immediately go to your body assaulting everything he could touch. Firmly grasping your breasts moving his  hands across your body down to your hips as you lift yourself to allow him to slip into you. A moan escapes both of you as he bottoms out due to how slick you were. Your walls clench around him holding him like a vice. He trusts into you holding onto your hips and you place your hands onto each of his shoulders, letting you stabilize yourself as he rutts into you. 

Each of his thrusts hit all of the right spots, rubbing against your walls deep inside of you. You’ve never felt this filled. You lean down and your lips meet with a fiery passion. Tongues fight for dominance as he speeds up his movements. You eventually win, not wanting him to forget his place. You break away from the kiss, a mix of both of you spit dripping from your mouth and you let it drip onto his glistening chest. You look down at his lustful face.

“You fill me up so good Bakugou, hitting every spot with your massive cock. Are you close baby?” Your hands making their way back to his hair, tugging at the blond locks as you feel the familiar feeling building in your core as he slams into your g-spot.

“uughh yes. I can feel how close you are, So fucking tight- god, fuck- let me cum with you princess.” His words enough to start the overwhelming feeling so you lean into his ear.

“Then cum with me baby” He sends a rough thrust into you and you come undone, a white flash taking over at the intensity of this second orgasm. You yank on the locks of hair in your fingers. Katsuki groans feeling you clench around him, trusting into you haphazardly as his own orgasm takes over, completely filling you with his hot cum. 

He slows his movements, riding out both of your highs, until he comes to a stop still deep inside of you. You both stay there catching your breath as you rest you head on his shoulder trying to regain your senses. After a few moments you lift yourself off of him, immediately missing the fullness. You move off of his lap and allow him to stand up to grab his clothes. He bends over grabbing his pants and pulling them back on. While fumbling with the button he is suddenly interrupted by a hard hit to the head causing him to fall to the floor. You frown slightly at him as you place the chair back on the ground. You slip on your clothes and drag him to the cell wall and sit him against the bars. You clip the cuffs in place securing him to the bar as you back up slightly, pushing the fallen hair out of his face.

“Its nothing personal I promise” You stand up and walk away from the unconscious man toward to door, key in hand. You unlock the cell door and walk out, not before turning back to him one final time.

“Plus I don’t think this is the last time we will be meeting.”

A/N: AAAAAAAAA im sORRY. If you guys enjoy this one I can do a part two were the tables are turned??? because im a slut for dom! bakugou

Kind Of A Cinderella Story (Sarah Cameron X Reader)

 Request:37 from prompt list 2 with Sarah?+More Sara Cameron dating a Gardener pls

Warnings:This is trash and for some reason took me like three hours to write.Isnt proof read,implications of smut kind of.

Sarah was sick of her life.It was the same thing over and over again.She had to pretend to be this elegant,proper girl when all she wanted ot do was have fun.She felt like a puppet,being told what to wear and who to hang out with.She ahd been set up with countless kook boys that wanted nothing other than a girl to use as a sex object.She hated it.

Everyone thought that she was some perfect kook queen with no problems in her life but they couldnt be more wrong.People called her a whore for cheating on her boyfriends but all she wanted was to be loved.Like,genuinely loved for something other than her appearance.It was a process of trial and error.Ward would introduce her to one preppy kook boy with gelled back hair and toxic masculinity in a never ending cycle,hoping ot find the perfect fit.

Little did he know that she didnt want any kooks there was.She didnt even want any boys,no matter eif they were a pogue or a kook.Her heart was set on one pogue girl that didnt know how to match her pants to her shirt and had pierced her nose with a paperclip.She found her heart speeding up,trying not to smile or let out a nervous laugh whenever she saw said pogue even walk by.

You had always envied the kooks.While you worked at a bakery for 16 hours three days a week,living from pay check to pay check they were living it up in their huge mansions and getting their nails done with diamonds and gold.

You didnt even have a refrigerator or a microwave,you just kept what needed to be cold in a cooler that you had found on the side of the road two years ago.The bakery could only pay you so much so you decided that you might need another job.

It was either that or start stealing things.You chose the first option,unfortunately.Upon hearing that Ward Cameron was looking for someone to plant flowers and cut weeds in his garden you had volunteered for it.That’s what got you to this point,mud on your cheekbones,little scratches on your palms as you secured another bundle of impatiens into the soil.

The grass was still damp from the early morning rain,you were obviously tired and planning on going back to bed once you got back home.That was when the kook princess,Sarah Cameron,came running out of her house with a butter knife in her hand,demanding to know who you were and what you were doing in her backyard.You wiped your slightly bloody hands on your jeans,grinning.

  “Im the gardener,Ward hired me last week.”You explained,smiling when a look of realisation came across the kook’s face,dropping the butter knife into the grass. “Oh-im so sorry!Im Sarah,they didnt tell me they hired you so I got scared.”She looked down at the butter knife,a blush coming across her cheeks.

After that first encounters she was desperate to speak to you again,having to wait a whole week until you came around to pull the weeds from the garden.She had considered stomping on the plants so you’d be forced to stay around longer but that would be pretty rude of her if she wanted to make a good impression.She had checked the weather,seeing that it was gonna be over 100 degrees.

That meant she had a perfect reason to speak to you without being strange.She’d come out after ten minutes of you being there and offer you a cold drink inside and when you were distracted with your drink she’d ask you questions about yourself and then boom.

You two would fall in love.It sounded like a great plan in her head.The night before the day you were due to come over she had set a blue gatorade in the fridge,preparing.But then she saw you out her window and became weak.Her legs were shaking as she took the gatorade out of the fridge,pacing around the kitchen with teh bottle in hand,taking in big breaths as she prepared herself. 

With one last,deep breath she opened the back slider door,putting a smile on her face as she walked up behind you as you put long weeds into a bucket,your sleeves rolled up and sweat on your face. “Weather kind of sucks today,figured you needed a drink.”She licked her lips,wanting to redo.That just didnt sound right at all.You looked up at her,squinting from the sun that shined around her almost like a halo.

 “Thanks,climate change is a real bitch.”You took the gatorade,opening it and taking a sip,some of the blue energy drink dripping down your chin. “Oh my god,I know.Don't even get me started on whats happening with the sharks in New England!The government is full of shit!”She exclaimed,not as nervous as she had been before.

You nodded in agreement. “Yeah,just like our oceans!In twenty years there will be more plastic than fish,I hate this world so much.”You sighed,sitting in the grass as you took another sip of the cold drink. “Do you want to come inside and talk about this?We’ll both get sunburned if we stay out here too long.”her hands went to her pockets,something that always happened when she was anxious.

You shrugged,standing up. “Yeah,ok.”You replied,following her.You were hesitant to actually step inside the house,figuring one of the tiles was probably worth your whole paycheck.You sat awkwardly at the counter,drinking the gatorade until there was barely anything left.

She grabbed you a water bottle and offered you a sandwhicih.You said yes of course,thanking her when a ham and cheese sandwich on a blue plate was placed in front of you. “You know what else I hate?”You asked,taking a small bite off the corner of the sandwich.She hummed,looking up. 

“How organizations protecting endangered species are being defunded by the government!It’s trash.”You sighed,becoming increasingly more angry.SHe nodded,agreeing. “Same with deforestation!If the government was taking away tv’s everyone would freak out but of course when they cut down our source of oxygen its fine!”She smacked her palms off the table.

 “I say we poison them all with wolfsbane and give Mother Nature her shit back.”You wiped some mustard from your cheek,making her grin.Once you finished the sandwich you insisted on getting back to work,groaning when the sun hit your skin again.She had sat by the pool,telling you that you could go for a swim when you finished working if you wanted to.

You tugged dandelions from the garden,it was your last task of the day which meant that you got it done as quick as possible,placing them into the bucket when you got a good idea.You took them back out,forming the weeds into a crown of yellow,grinning at your creation before presenting it to Sarah. “Figured the queen needed a crown.”Was al you said,placing it on her head before flashing a peace sign and beginning your walk home.

Sarah waited another seven days to see you.The sun didnt shine so bright,her hair felt lifeless and her smile just couldnt look right.She felt herself falling for you,not even bothering to fight off the feelings.Tuesday night,the night before you would be coming over she prepped herself.She made a ham and cheese sandwich with mustard and lettuce,wrapping it up and putting it in her fridge along with a blue gatorade.

She practiced how to do a cute bun that she had seen on her pinterest feed,picking out an outfit that would make her look nice without being too over the top.She ended up showering at two in the morning,making sure she would smell nice and her hair wouldnt be greasy.She woke up with drool tunning down her chin,her alarm loud.She groaned,wiping her face and checking the time.

She had a text from her dad to let her know that he and Rose had taken Wheezie to the beach and Rafe was off doing whatever it was that Rafe does.She sat in her living room,staring out the window as she waited for you to appear and walk around her house into the backyard.She grinned when she saw you,light overalls and a rainbow striped shirt,deep tan work boots and a tired look on your face as you opened the gate in the fence,walking around to the backyard.

She let out a soft sigh as she wiped her hands on her shirt,making sure there were no wrinkles as she grabbed the sandwich from the fridge,tucking it under her arm and holding the gatorade in her hand,opening the slider door with the other.She closed it,the hot humid air hitting her in a huge contrast from the cold air conditioned house.

 “Hey,Sar.”You grinned,noticing that there wasnt much work that need to be done today.She held out the wrapped up sandwich to you along with the drink,crossing her arms awkwardly. “Do you want to come inside?”She asked,peeling at her white nail polish.You licked your lips,standing up and brushing off your pants before picking up the gatorade and sandwich,sitting at the kitchen table and eating. “So like,can I ask you a question?”She asked,leaning her elbows on the table.

You raised an eyebrow at her,swallowing the sandwich that you had in your mouth with a swig of gatorade. “I hate when people ask that.Are you gonna ask if I murdered someone cause the answer is no.”You said quickly,trying not to let your brain run wild.

You hadnt done anything wrong.Maybe you fucked up the order fo the flowers? “Oh,oh cool.But um….Like,what would you do if I accidentally kissed you?”She asked,making your eyes widen.Her heart beat only got quicker as the monet of silence lasted longer,a tension growing between the two of you.

 “I dont know...thats never happened before.”You answered,avoiding her eyes.She blushed,leaning down quick and pecking your lips,pulling away just as quick. “Love that.”You answered,biting your lip lightly,trying not to laugh. 

“Love you.”She answered,her face beet red.You smiled,looking up at her. “Love you too.”You answered,hearing the door open a few seconds later,Wheezie walking in,her skin slightly more tanned than it had been when she left. “Uhh...hi?”She frowned,looking at you but deciding not to question it before going up the stairs and into her room.

Ward and Rose came in soon after her,the same look on their faces. “Arent you the gardener?”Rose asked,coming into the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine. “She’s done with her work for the day.”Sarah answered quickly,looking over to Ward.

He didnt say anything,feeling that there was something going on between the two of you but deciding to stay quiet.You and Sarah had been dating in somewhat secrecy for a month and you no longer came over on just Wednesday’s to pull weeds.You came over pretty much everyday,going swimming or going to the beach with your lovely girlfriend.

You laid on your stomach on her bed,head on one of her many pillows,the show Lucifer playing on her large tv. “We should do something.”She spoke confidently,a mischevious grin on her face.You sighed,sitting up. “Like what?”You asked,knowing that she would probably suggest something ridiculous.

She smirked,grabbing her purse. “We’re gonna go shopping.”It wasnt even a question,just a straight out statement.You shook your head,going back to laying down when she grabbed at your ankles,trying to drag you off the bed. “Please?”She pouted,trying to get you to crack.

You simply rolled your eyes,reminding her that you didnt have the money for that type of thing.She sighed,grabbing your hands and pulling you up but you refused to go down without a fight,purposely pushing her backwards by wrapping your arms around her like a toddler. 

“No.”You muttered,your nose in her blonde hair.You stared ahead of you,passing by trees and large houses,getting to the rich kook side of the island near the shopping boutiques and gold clubs. “I hate you.”You sighed as she pulled into a shop parking lot,a grin on her face. “I love you too.”She answered,opening the car door for you and making you get out. 

“What if I buy you icecream after?”She asked,trying to get you to be less miserable,succeeding when your face lit up. “Like the fancy kind in a dipped waffle cone with the sprinkles?”You asked,willing to try on clothes if it meant getting to the sweet cold treat.

She nodded,complying with your request,holding your hand and bringing you inside.It didnt feel right for you to be here,even the lights looked expensive.There werent even carts,fabric bags instead.Thats how you could tell just how expensive everything here would be.  “Sarah,this is ridiculous.”You mumbled as she dragged you over to some t shirts that had stripes but even they looked expensive,the material thick and durable between your fingers.

You gripped the price tag,eyes widening. “This shit is $130!”You exclaimed,letting go of it.She smiled,shaking her head. “Suck it up,buttercup.”Was all she had to say,finding your size and placing it into the fabric bag when a worker came up to the two of you. “Can I help you ladies?”He asked.You answered a wuick no but was overpowered by Sarah. “Yes,yes please.

Im thinking a whole new vibe for her,maybe like eighties meets surfing.”She tried to explain her ideas,somehow the sentence made sense in the man’s head as he guided the two of you through the store,showing you both sundresses,ripped jeans,pastel collared shirts,headbands and earrings.

He watched from a far as Sarah held up the clothing next to your body,holding others near your hair as she tried to decide on what she wanted you to try on.She decided a light yellow shirt,some light washed jeans,a pair of shorts that were dark blue with gold stars,a purple sweatshirt with the word ‘lovely’ on it,a set of cream colored underwear with a matching bra,a gold headband with flowers on it,a pair of boyfriend jeans,or as she called them,girlfriend jeans.

You didnt even give an opinion on any of the clothes she was putting into the bag,thinking about what kind of icecream you were going to get,snapping out of your thoughts when she told you to start trying things on.

She had requested that you took mirror pictures in everything you tried on and asked that you send them to her as she went to the jewelry counter,supposedly getting a spot on her gold necklace fixed.You took your time trying on clothes,trying not to become to insecure about it.

You took the photos quickly,plowing your way through the outfits,getting to the set of bra and panties.You slid on the underwear over the ones you were already wearing,seeing the sign on the dressing room wall that said not to try on undergarments on your bare body.You simply pulled on the bra over your breasts,not seeing a policy for that.

The fabric was soft and the bra held up your breasts perfectly,the cream colored lace straps tickling your skin.You snapped a few photos in the set,feeling a bit of heat rush to your face when the door opened,Sarah sticking her head in. “Are you checking yourself out?”She asked,a smirk on her face.You placed your hands over your face,laughing.

 “Shut up.”You answered,letting her see what you looked like in the set.She did indeed shut up,biting her lip as she looked you up and down. “Yeah,we’re buying that.”She nodded,asking to see the photos and closing the door behind her.You scrolled through the photos,her head on your shoulder and kissing it lightly as she looked at them,nodding.

 “Ooh that sweater is cute as hell.”She took the phone,zooming in. “So lets go look at some bathing suits and maybe get you some more bras...and then we can leave.”She grinned,gulping as she tried not to let her thoughts get the best of her.

You changed back into your normal paper thin striped shirt,shitty bra and overalls,putting the clothes back into the bag and walking back out,seeing her sitting in the chair with a grin on her face as if she knew something you didnt. “Look at how cute this bikini is!Your boobs would look good-we’re getting it.”She said quickly,putting a white one piece into the bag.

 “Sarah-this is gonna cost like,a million dollars.”You grumbled,not really approving what your girlfriend was doing.She rolled her eyes,not worrying about it as she grabbed an ash colored bralette and underwear set,finally done picking clothes for you,dragging you to the counter to pay.You werent paying attention to anything the cashier was saying,only watching the total go up until it hit the point of $830.

What the actual fuck?Sarah simply swiped her card,taking the white and gold paper bag with a grin,pulling you along as you tried to get over the fact that she had just payed so much so carelessly.You two ended up back in the car,the bag in the backseat as you were still struggling to wrap your head around it. 

“You okay?”She asked,noticing the look on your face. “You just spent an entire month of bills on clothes.”You whispered,making a smile come across her face. “That’s okay.”She answered,backing out of the parking lot and making her way to the icecream shop.

 “Do you want to go to the beach to eat our icecream or do you want to go back to the house and model for me?”She asked,hoping you’d pick the second option.You shrugged,not really caring as long as you got your icecream. “yeah,you’re modeling for me.”She decided for you,turning on the radio. “Yeah?”You asked.

She hummed in response.The drive was quiet,your chin on your palm,the cool air of the air conditioning on your skin and the hot of the sun on your arm. “I feel like Cinderella right now.”You admitted,making the blonde laugh. “What do you mean by that?”She asked,curious.

You shrugged,turning down the radio. “I mean,you’re my beautiful fairy goddess and you just bought me some kook clothes and i’m used to cooking for people and pulling weed from rich people’s gardens...its like im becoming one of you.”You mumbled,her hand squeezing your thigh. 

“You say it like we’re vampires, (Y/N).”She shook her head,pulling up to the icecream parlor,getting out of the car.You both walked up to the metal counter,looking at the menu.She got the same thing everytime.A  medium cotton candy scoop in a chocolate sprinkled cone with whipped cream.

It was colorful and over the top,just like her.You decided on a rainbow milkshake which was layers of cotton candy icecream,strawberry,black raspberry,orange creamsicle and lemon all in one cup topped with whipped cream.

After getting your icecream you two went right back to the car,Sarah playing Lucifer on her phone and placing it between the two of you as she struggled to eat her icrecream quick enough so it wouldnt fall off or melt.She rested her icecream cone in the cupholder,driving back to the house,running up to her room with you close behind her,the white and gold bag tucked under her arm.

She ate the cone,getting to the end of it when she asked you to try on the bathing suit.You rolled your eyes,stripping of your overalls and t shirt,earning a quiet whistle from her.You sent her a quick wink,pulling the bathing suit up your body,pushing your arms through,your cleavage showing. 

“Yeah,I was right.Your boobs look great.”She grinned,opening her drawers and picking out her pink bathing suit,changing into it right in front of you. “Lets go out to the pool.”She suggested,grabbing two towels from her drawer.The two of you sat in the cool water,the sun making it hard to look at. “I’ve got to get back to the house soon.”You mumbled,floating on your back.

She frowned,standing up in the shallow water. “Why?Cant you just sleep over?”She asked,not wanting you to go.You shook your head,figuring that it wouldnt be wise to spend another night. “I cant let the place get messy.”You answered,wringing out your hair.She pouted,understanding. 

“You have to leave now?”She asked.You shrugged,sitting on the steps. “Probably soon,i’ve got to check the mail too.”You replied,stepping onto the hot concrete.She sighed,lifting herself out of the water and offering you a ride home.

You said yes,giving her a quick kiss before leaving the car,your backpack clinging to your shoulders,the store bag in hand. “I love you.”She grinned as you closed the car door. “Love you too,pretty girl.”You replied before going inside your small house.It was hot,dust on the counters and cabinets.

The coolers ice had melted,leaving cans of sprite to float in the water that was left.You sighed,going into your room and letting your backpack fall onto your mattress that stayed on the floor.You took the clothes from the store bag,putting them on hangers and letting them hang in your closet,far away from the one other pair of overalls you owned.You grinned at the splash of color in your dull home,ending up falling asleep on your stomach on top of your mattress,face in the blankets you had collected over the years.

Sarah looked in the mirror at her tube top that was covering a honey colored bralette that you liked so much,a pair of white jeans over matching yellow panties that you liked so much.

She tied her hair into a messy bun,letting out a soft sigh,grabbing her keys and getting ready to surprise you at your house.It had only been a few hours but she already missed you.She jogged down the stairs quick,close to leaving when Rose interferred. 

“Where are you going?”She asked,looking at the outfit.Sarah cursed in her head,turning to look at her step mother. “Out.”She replied,not in the mood for her bullshit.Rose crossed her arms,a knowing smirk on her face. “Out where?”She pushed,acting like an annoying fifth grader.Sarah completely understood where Wheezie got it,Rose equally as annoying as the thirteen year old. 

“Out on a date.”Sarah answered,glaring.Rose’s eyebrows furrowed,surprised. “Yeah?”She asked,raising an eyebrow.Sarah nodded. “Yeah.”She repeated,hand on the door knob. “With who?”Rose asked,really testing Sarah’s patience.

 “With someone im interested in.”Sarah replied,venom dripping from her voice. “Hes got a job?”Rose asked.Sarah nodded. “Yeah.”She answered,sick of this interrogation. “What does he do?”Rose asked.Sarah rolled her eyes,nearly laughing at how clueless she was.

 “Gardening.”Sarah replied,squeezing the door knob tightly.Rose frowned,a sympathetic smile on her face. “Sarah,he’s probably gay.”She whispered.Sarah chuckled,opening the door. “Yeah,she is.”Sarah answered,slamming the door behind her.

When she showed up to your house she let out an anxious sigh,standing at your door.She had never actually been inside before,knocking gently.Of course you couldnt hear her in your sleep though.She opened the door,frowning at the built up dust and lack of color.

She found your room easily,the one room that had a door.She knocked on it,not hearing anything and growing concerned,opening it quickly.She calmed down when she saw you asleep on your matress,hair messy.She smiled,taking a photo and sitting down on the mattress next to you.Your eyes fluttered open,squinting up at her. “Hi.”She smiled down at you.

You sat up,confused.The sun was nearly completely down,teh sky pink and purple. “Sarah?”You asked.She nodded,a grin on her face. “What are you doing here?”You asked,not really understanding why she was in your house or why she would want to be in your house.

It was messy and small and you hadnt been ready for her to see it yet.She shrugged,laying down with you. “I dont know,I missed you.”She shrugged,arms around your waist and head on your chest.You smiled,kissing her head. “I didnt end up cleaning,got tired I guess.”You replied,enjoying the warmth of her body.

She pouted,sitting up straight. “Its hot in here.”She mumbled,making you frown. “I mean yeah,I dont have air conditioning so-”You stopped talking when she peeled off her shirt and shorts,leaving her in one of your favorite sets that she owned.You nodded,agreeing. “Yeah,it is hot in here.”You agreed.

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Chuuya Nakahara Yandere Alphabet

Anonymous said:

Sounds good! How about the alphabet for chuuya? :3c 

accidentally posted this to my main blog after writing a huge apology for my lack of posting :/ i keep doing that unfortunately. anyways, ive had a full week exams which is why i havent been posting. im extremely tired and stressed but i will try to get more requests done this week, though i have another week of exams. i do apologise, but itll be over soon. i hope you enjoy anon, this short bastard is one of my favs. <3

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Chuuya would gladly smother you in endless kisses and cuddles, but if you tell him to back off, he'll stick to just having an arm around you (because god forbid he isn't touching you in one way or another). You'll often hear him whispering how much he absolutely adores you when he thinks you're asleep, and when you're visibly awake he'll be showering you in compliments.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh, Chuuya will undoubtedly do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that results in bloody murder. He's in the mafia after all, what's a little blood on his hands, especially in the name of love?

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Chuuya would only mock you if you consistently failed to escape or were getting punished by him. Otherwise, he is generally loving and as romantic as possible. He will always make sure you're eating and sleeping properly, snapping at you if you refuse to eat as he gets awfully worried about you sometimes.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

No, not really. The only instances where something's against his darlings will is when he's punishing them. Other than that, it's mainly abduction and the lack of freedom to talk to people.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Chuuya confides in his darling, and will show a side of himself that no one else ever sees. He'll ask for advice on work matters and will constantly seek love and reassurance from his darling. While outwardly he may still appear tough and cocky, he's really soft for you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would be pretty irritated and though he'd never admit it, quite hurt. Why can't you just love him, goddamnit?! He'll try not to hurt you too much, but if you're not backing down he will use force to get you to stop.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Chuuya doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. His love for you isn't some 'game' and seeing you try to escape both infuriates and saddens him. All he truly wants is to be a happy, normal couple so your refusal to love him is not something he enjoys.

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

Chuuya isn't always fully aware of how strong he actually is, especially when he uses Corruption and becomes out of control. This can lead to a terrifying situation where you're worried for your life as a monster in your boyfriend's body goes on a rampage and destroys everything around him. It rarely happens, as Chuuya really doesn't want to hurt you, but when it does it's a living nightmare.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Honestly, Chuuya doesn't really know what kind of future he wants for him and his darling, but ideally you two would move to some beautiful island — somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? — get married, possibly start a family and live out the rest of your days in bliss.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Luckily, Chuuya isn't insanely possessive and doesn't lash out just because you looked at someone else, but he is paranoid. He has to keep you away from other people because, what if they attempt to hurt you? The only instance where he would genuinely become jealous is if Dazai was involved. This is when you'll see his full yandere side come out and it will be extreme: locking you up in highly secure room, restraining you, putting tracking devices in everything you own, anything to ensure your safety. If you were to show an interest in Dazai, whether platonic or even worse, romantic, his paranoia and jealousy would spike up tenfold — essentially guaranteeing you'll never see the light of day again.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Chuuya is generally really loving and calm towards his darling, still messing with them and lovingly calling them an idiot, but always so soft when speaking. However, if you were to be a brat, his rougher, more 'mafia' side would make an appearance— any soft words of reassurance thrown out the window.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

The 'traditional' way: flirting with you, taking you out on fancy dates and gifting you jewellery and flowers. He may seem smooth but he usually has to ask people (Kouyou) or the internet for advice on how to win someone's affections. He's also very observant to what you're interested in, so if you mention preferring movies to fancy dinners, that's where your next date will be.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes, but in a good way. Instead of being his 'tough executive' persona, when he's around you, he'll reveal a much sweeter and softer side of himself. He's also surprisingly affectionate, taking every opportunity to be as close to you as possible.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Chuuya doesn't generally plan out punishment, he tends to go into a fit of rage and attack you with whatever is nearest. Usually it results in you being choked, slammed repeatedly against the floor or him almost breaking your ribs with his foot. Once he's calmed down is when he will decide on a proper punishment, such as keeping you restrained to the bed, taking away certain privileges or maybe if you've really done something bad... a more permanent solution will be used.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As long as his darling was relatively compliant, Chuuya's only real restriction would be the ability to go outside alone without the safety of his watchful eye. Of course, if you betrayed his trust, any hint of freedom you had previously would be stripped away.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Chuuya tries to be patient, he really does, but he's just so hotheaded that he often ends up snapping at his darling whenever they act up in the slightest.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

To put it simply: no. No one else can make Chuuya feel this way, and without his wonderful darling, he feels distanced from the world. It is likely he would continue working for the Port Mafia (unless they were involved in your escape/death), a mere shell of his former self only existing to serve the mafia rather than actually living.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Chuuya would feel a small amount of guilt if he had to kidnap you, but his belief that it's necessary for your protection would overrule the guilt. He would absolutely never let you go, you're like the anchor that keeps him human; he cannot lose you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Like Dazai, Chuuya feels almost inhuman, like he is a foreigner in someone else's body, yet when he brushed hands with you, he felt something real. This is what drives him to get to know you: the desperation to be human. The more he spends time with you, the more this feeling increases — leading him to be unable to just allow you to leave him. Ironically, he becomes less human the more time he devotes to you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Chuuya really doesn't like seeing you upset, and it hurts his heart having to punish you when you're so upset, but some things are just a necessary evil. If you've done something he considers to be really bad, he will be apathetic to your tears, believing you deserve whatever you're suffering.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Unlike a lot of yanderes, Chuuya does respect your boundaries to a degree, and won't force you to do anything you really protest against (aside from letting you go, of course).

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Chuuya has to leave for work nearly everyday, so if you're smart and able to break locks, you have a fairly good chance of escaping. However, even if you do escape, Chuuya will find you again, and he won't take the betrayal lightly.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Chuuya has a pretty short temper, especially when it comes to the safety of his darling, so if you persistently tried to escape or "put yourself in danger" (interacting with Dazai, refusing food), he may snap. As stated previously, he doesn't enjoy your pain, but sometimes it's necessary to get you to listen.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Despite his sometimes arrogant nature, Chuuya sees his darling as on an entirely separate level to himself. He practically worships you, though he doesn't always like to show it (he's got to keep up his tough guy persona after all) and would gladly do anything you asked. His loyalty to you is even able to override his loyalty to the Port Mafia.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Chuuya would make an effort to woo you, buying you flowers and taking you out on fancy dinners, hoping that you'll end up wanting to be in a relationship with him. He'll vehemently deny being so desperate to be with you, but it's pretty obvious he's hopelessly in love. If you were to continuously reject his advances, he may eventually end up kidnapping you, but only if he thought you were in danger (or that another person was making a move on you).

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If he did end up breaking you, it wouldn't be intentional. All Chuuya wants is your unconditional love and affection, but he can get desperate if you're not showing it and will make you say how much you love him, even if you have to be put through hell to achieve it.

Rose Quartz isn't a villain

Unpopular opinion. But here we go

This is My personal two cents. This isn't ordered well its kind of all over the place.

WARNING. ITS REALLY LONG

A lot of people (especially since the movie) have been acting and bashing Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond and acting as though she's the cruelest villain in the universe.

And here's why I don't think she is the ANTAGONIST (a person who actively opposes someone or something)

And furthermore why she falls in line as a VILLAIN ( a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.)

As well as a HERO (a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities)

Let's start with her thought process and behavior.

A big thing I see is people saying "HER ABUSE DOESNT JUSTIFY WHAT SHE DID SHES STILL A MONSTER" and it's true. Abuse doesn't justify terrible behavior but it does to some degree explain it. Pink diamond was abused by the other diamonds.

She was constantly punished for acting out, which she did not only for attention from the other diamonds (as she seemed to be left alone quite often ) but also to make them happy (which indicates that they usually are not) and bring the family together. Not only did she act out, but when punished, she was forced to say she's sorry and that she was wrong, for simply trying to make her family happy and feel less miserable herself.

Pink was basically trained to follow homeworlds rules and not to question anything. And was forced to live a life she hated.

Yes. A lot of what Pink did and HOW she acted is due to how she was raised by the diamonds.

Diamonds are taught that THEY are the leaders. All gems and other life forms are lower than they are. And while Pink did, in fact, realize that killing the planets was wrong that may very well be all she realized. Gems weren't made to fuse with other gems, or to rebel, or to find their own path in life. All of those were things introduced by the rebels. The only reason the diamonds are getting closer to behaving and thinking better than they used to is that they had GUIDANCE. Steven helped show them a better right and wrong. He's helped them work to become better people for 2 years. And one may argue that pink/rose had thousands of years AWAY from. her abusers to become better. But the big thing she didn't have was guidance. She didn't have anyone tell her that those things weren't ok. The gems couldn't tell her that because everything they were doing is new to them. They grew and developed as people but couldn't possibly understand a stronger sense of right and wrong since it had never been questioned before and they'd never been told anything except for "Diamonds know best so we never question them" if you listen to Rose's song love like you she REALIZES SHE WAS TERRIBLE but only because she finally had someone to show her how her way thinking was resulting in terrible behavior and causing problems. "I always thought I might be bad now I'm sure that it's true, 'cus I think you're so good and I'm nothing like you. " GREG WAS HER GUIDANCE but she realized that even if she tried to be a better person. Shell always has a bit of her old self. And she may very well think That's holding her back. But she knew that steven, someone surrounded by people better than she ever could be. And by a strong loving father to guide him and make him kind and considerate and the amazing steven we know and love.

I know a lot of friends who have dealt with abuse. And they go on to behave all kinds if different ways. But this show depicts 2 very different ways people can behave after a childhood of abuse. Pink ran off and made her own life, but didn't necessarily become better. She continued living as she had, not knowing her behavior was wrong because she had never seen anything else or been told that it was wrong. She acted how she was taught to act by homeworld, and as for the rebels, no one recognized how bad it was because they lived the exact same way. They were stuck and had trouble growing as people because they didn't know how to grow. Steven taught them. That's why pearl lives for herself now instead of rose. How Amethyst takes pride and lives with the support of her friends and family boosting her up. He taught garnet that it's ok to not know everything, and sometimes you just have to focus on what you can change rather than what you cant. He taught them that fighting doesn't always fix the problem. Pink didn't have a steven until she realized how much she truly loved Greg. How he was different from other humans because he taught her and was willing to overlook the mistakes of her past so he could help her future. Only at the end of her life did she learn that she was wrong, and selfish, and not a good person. The diamonds acted JUST like this. They all dealt with Whites abuse. And realized. They behaved wrongly. Steven showed them that. They had guidance. Yes. Some people can realize the fault in their behavior on their own. But some cant. The diamonds needed guidance to take steps towards being better. And they're still struggling to learn. But they have someone to help them. So they're trying to fix their mistakes. So yes. Pink diamond was a bad person. And she did a lot of what she did not only because of the abuse. But because of how she was taught to think. This is not to void her of fault or to excuse the things she did. But I feel like it's unfair to call her evil and cruel and heartless. EVERY SINGLE VILLAIN in steven universe has had some layer of depth of deeper reasoning for what they did. And even if you consider pink to be the real villain. The same goes for her. Evil is not inherent, just like all terrible thoughts and behavior patterns. Like racism isn't inherent, or bias or prejudice. These are behavioral traits that are TAUGHT. If a killer raises a child. That child may not think killing is wrong. Pink was raised where she was an important person who had a right to everything she wanted and her desires took priority. Once something didn't serve a purpose she was expected to get rid of it. And gems were treated like objects. They were used for walls, decorative statues. Even aquamarine said topaz was of no use to her. And was prepared to get rid of her. we know this is wrong but they don't. Not all of them anyway. Even the off colors thought they were in the wrong for being themselves. It's not as if she did all of this because she wanted to hurt those around her. She did everything how she did because she was taught to think that way or behave that way. We become the people we are through nature AND nurture. But one can have more sway on someone depending on their upbringing. Abd abusive upbringing like pink endured is bound to drill homeworlds ideals into her head that much more. Especially since she tried to go against the grain and was punished constantly for trying to save things and be better.

And a lot of complaints I see is that "if she tried to explain her feelings to the diamonds none of this would happen" but everyone seems to forget. SHE DID TRY. In the episode where ruby and sapphire split and pearl explains everything she shows that pink diamond DID try. But was scolded for it. And was ignored. Just like how white ignored blue and yellow. She used all her authority but it meant nothing. She felt trapped and took an out. She tried to make a change. It started a spark that leads to a rebellion. Gems thinking for themselves. Being themselves. She did do good things. She tried to leave as much good as she had. But she didn't really know good and bad. She is still responsible for her failures and actions. But it's so so SO wrong to just slap a label on her calling her pure evil like she WANTED to do all that damage. Its the same as calling someone a hero despite any terrible things in their past that may have lead up to that. It's fine to classify her as an antagonist because yes. She caused problems for the main character and everyone around them. But it's not ok to ignore the meanings and cause behind it. We all knew pink/rose wasn’t A good person. But it's not ok to belittle her and act like her suffering and upbringing played no part.

It just upsets me when people ignore the history of someone. And I repeat THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE HER ACTIONS but that doesn't mean its ok to label someone based on their mistakes. No. Rose isn't a good person. She didn't know how to be. But that doesn't mean shes a cruel villainess. It means she was hurt early on and never fully recovered.

People who come from abuse can rise higher than their oast and tey to be better. And sometimes they can get stuck in their past and never learn from it. But that doesn't mean it's from a lack of wanting to be better. They may just not know-how.

This explains pinks behavior. And why she isn't an ANTAGONIST. She wasn't ACTIVELY trying to harm anyone or ruin anything. She even REFUSED TO SHATTER GEMS. She had a semblance of right and wrong and what was too far, but that's as far as it went. Additionally, by the time the show takes place, Pink is gone and can no longer actively do anything against steven or the crystal gems.

So. My thoughts on Pink/Rose

Not a good person and not justified in her actions, but came off the bedside of an abusive childhood and was never taught better. Just because she's done a lot of bad things doesn't mean bashing her is ok. Try and think of it like real life. Not everyone becomes better after abuse. And not everyone has the influences and tools needed to become better after abuse. We learn right and wrong from the people around us, so what if no one around us knows proper right and wrong?

Not looking to argue and you can reply with your thoughts if you want. But that doesn't really mean ill respond (im sure ill be flooded with people telling me why I'm wrong lol)

I would go on but I feel like this is too long already

it looks like PETER ROUX is late to class once again . how do they expect to get their degree in PRE LAW by skipping class ? it’s a wonder that they made it to their JUNIOR year . then again , i heard that they were + ALLURING which may give them a pass with professors , but they are also - MANIPULATIVE so maybe not . all i know is that they remind me of SPEEDING IN EMPTY STREETS, RUFFLED UP SUITS, & RECORDS PLAYING FROM ANOTHER ROOM. so watch out . oh look , HE just walked in ! [ b , 22 , gmt , she/her ]

hiiiiii im b and here’s my very poor attempt at posting a proper intro for peter the rat 🤠 i want all the connections in the world so like thsi post and ill come to you or come message me so we can come up with something fresh n messy

peter’s the type of guy to throw about the rebuttal “you don’t know me” but really you would know everything there is to know about him by having one conversation with him. he grew up in madison avenue in new york with two laywers for parents and way too much money in his trust fund 

with that being said peter kind of grew up as an outlier in his family. while the rest of his family members are more proper and reserved, peter thrives off chaos. always has as a child , still does now as a junior in college 

so as u can guess !!!! pre law wasn’t his exact first choice. he would never admit it but he would have much rather gone into art history bec it’s the one thing he loved most growing up but his parents wouldnt have ever allowed him and peter knew better than to even try to worm his way around that one

peter in college though !!!! is a very messy peter. as a junior with three years in his pocket i can imagine him having had done a lot of damage in the very little time he spent there. whether its with friends or girlfriends, peter tends to leave loose strings wherever he goes and doesn’t really know how to allow himself to fully connect with anyone. he’s VERY social and never wants to be alone, but he’s incapable of letting himself form real connections, which sometimes makes him cruel

will flirt with your character at some point regardless of who they are

i REALLY DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY THIS but peter is definitely a 🤢gemini man

he’s always down for a good time with anyone so he’s the friend you’d call when you just dont wanna go to bed 

will never shut up . ever. especially about things that are interesting to him

idk what else to add will prob come back to this

some connections i’d want for peter:

reptilia / the strokes ( i said, please don’t slow me down if i’m going too fast ) : someone who’s just as chaotic as him. the person in the passenger car next to peter telling him to go faster

ribs / lorde ( laughing till our ribs get tough, but that will never be enough ) : more than anything !! this is the person peter trusts more than anyone. he finds it hard to let anyone in but this person is an exception. almost happened once but the timing and the situation didn’t allow anything to happen between them so they ‘let it go’ and stayed friends. now, much closer, it’s more of a “will they won’t they” kind of situation. 

josslyn / olivia o’brien ( i hope that it was worth it, fucking josslyn ) : maybe they were together n maybe they weren’t, but it quickly took a turn for the left when peter ended up cheating with someone else.  

kiwi / harry styles ( she sits beside me like a silhouette, hard candy dripping on me till my feet are wet  ) : see above. girl he cheated with. could’ve been a one and done or a secret affair that had been going on for quite some time.

stop this train / john mayer ( i want to get off and go home again ) : could be a childhood friend from new york whom he’s known his entire life or just a friend who really reminds him of home

malibu nights / lany ( what do i do with all this time ) : his first real heartbreak stas

some other plots i’d also want!!

asomeone who friendzoned him

someone he tutors

someone he can geek out about art with on the down low

person he always wants to be around at parties

friends n friends n more friends!!

When Happiness Leads to Death Chris Evans x Reader

Prompt: She was finally happy, So of course She’s dead now. - Why do you want to help, Most people turn and run at this point 

A/N : hey guys, so I wanted some prompts, so I got on Tumblr and thought these two worked together. So enjoy this? I don’t really write angst and was trying to challenge myself as a one shot. I mean this plot could be use for more but I was trying to keep it a one shot. -- Story is in the read below-- 

Home, wasn’t home. Most people say ‘home is where the heart is’, this was not true for you. They say about 90% of people look for people like their father, and with your luck you found someone who was worse. Someone who not only mentally abused you, but physically and every other way in the book.

You had to get away, it took you three years, to finally find the courage to leave. You ran as far as possible, you changed your name, and dyed your hair to change it as much as you possible could, just enough that if you were to run into any one you would know then they wouldn’t be able to recognize you. You could not look back, if you did you were waiting for your death, so you escaped. You found yourself a small apartment in the city, a job in which you worked part time just to pay for the bills. You were afraid that every person that entered was going to be him finding you. You had moved from Settle to the Boston area. You currently worked at a dunking donuts in the mornings, well you used your afternoons to talk to some one, and work a second part time job using her degree inputting data at your own home. It had been just over a month. You didn’t stop looking over your shoulder constantly where you were. You had been running in quite a few times as a barista , he came in at the same time every day and ordered the same thing, you both kind of flirted, you were not ready to jump into anything, but that didn’t mean you were not open for the extra couple dollars of a tip he gave you at the end of the week. “you know what, we have been doing this flirting thing for weeks now, can I give you my number and take you out on a proper date?” He wondered as he handed you a slip of paper that read his number “ill text you and see if I can make that happen” you responded as you bite your inner lip and handed him the coffee you had come to memorize that he ordered every day.

You hesitated to text him back , in fact you even avoided him for about a week, letting someone else help him and always disappear in the back when he came around. You knew the moment that you became happy everything you had done, your walls, your defenses would be put on hold. How could you resist that perfect smile, and those blue eyes. About a month later, you finally decided to text him. You opted to go on the first date in a very public place. This way if you needed to escape you could quickly and without being really noticed. It was like love at first date. The two of you just clicked, and he was like no other man that you had met before. He was Chris and you were, allowed to be you. Not some scared little girl looking over her shoulder for the big bad ex.

Your first date, was perfect, everything you could have imagined, he was a true gentleman, someone you had never met before, a way you were never treated even growing up. You didn’t know that men would be this nice. It was a Shame that it was not going to work out between the two of you. You knew you couldn’t put that person that was so nice, so innocent into your world. The next day you said Chris a text message. “im so sorry, I can’t let you into my life, knowing how it might end, I can’t let it hurt you too, we can’t date, im so sorry” you said simply. That day he didn’t show up at the coffee shop at his normal time. You sighed as you walked out of the coffee shop and a hand grabbed you as you were rounding the corner Your heart stopped, your worst fears came into your body. Chills got sent down your body as you spun around and saw who it was you took a deep breath as nothing happened. “you owe me something better than, I can’t let it hurt you too” Chris said back to you as he leaned forward and kissed you. The kiss you felt it in your toes, the kind of kiss that made you forget why you were running. You wrapped your arms around his neck before you pulled away “i can’t, I just can’t” you reply and pushed him away before you quickly tried to walk away. “no you can’t just do that” he said as he followed you “whatever you are running from you don’t have to do it alone” “yah I do and if I Don’t then someone I know is going to get hurt and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself Chris, I just can’t okay” you replied as you looked up at him. As he held you against the wall Chris nodded “well don’t think that I am going to give up, ill break you” He said back to you as he slowly let his hands run down your sides “you know ill protect you, no matter what” he said simply before he ran his hand though his head and walked away You took a deep breath.. you watched him walk away. You couldn’t let that man ruin all of your life. You couldn’t let your life pass you by and the only good thing to maybe come out of it, and walk away with it. You hesitated but he was still in ear shot as you changed your mind “wait” you said back to him as he quickly walked to him. “if we are going to date and this is going to go anywhere you need to know the truth” she said “but not here” you said as you grabbed his arm and pulled him to your apartment which was right there. It was not a big, maybe bigger than a shoe box, but it was a studio where the paint was pealing, and everything looked old.. and the building most likely had mice. But it was all you could afford “y/n” he said back to you “you are really freaking me out” He said back to you, as you lead him to the couch “All of my life I’ve thought love was pain. I thought pain was something to be in a expected” you replied “i was abused. For year I finally got the courage to get out of there, I ran as far as possible which ended me up here. You have to understand if he ever finds me I will end up dead, and I don’t want to bring anyone else into that life with me” Chris put his hand on your cheek and looked at you “pain I not love. And I will do what I can to help protect you, im not going to let anything happen to you y/n’ I know we haven’t known each other long, but I know you deserve to be happy, and I know you deserve to know what love actually is. “ he replied to you as he wiped the tear that had slowly started to fall down your cheek. The two of you, fall madly in love with each-other, spending every moment together, you ended up telling him your real name, which looking back now was a mistake, the two of you move in together. You finally found out what love actually is. You fell in love with the most amazing man. You wanted to spend your life with him, so the moment that he proposed to you, about six months later you didn’t hesitate. You said yes. So fast and grabbed him kissing him right after that moment. You didn’t understand after everything and the constantly being afraid he didn’t run, he stayed though all of it. The extra security in the house, the always checking in with you as you were just afraid. He stuck around and you never knew a person who cared so deeply The two of you started to plan this wedding, as Chris was busy with work, and you were still working part time at the coffee shop. You started to feel off, as if someone was following you. Was someone really there? You didn’t know if someone actually was, or if it was just your worry that you were actually happy that something bad was going to go on. You walked into your apartment that you now shared with Chris. You throw your bag on the couch and he wasn’t usually home at this time of day, but there was still some music playing “babe are you here?” You wondered as you carefully walked though the house. That was when you felt the arm around your body, and a knife held close to your neck “did you really think that you could hid?” He raspy voice said behind you. You swallowed hard as you could feel the blade push harder against your neck, and a warm drop of blood run down the rest of your neck “im sorry” you said to the man to try and plead for your life “ill come home I am so sorry” “no you are not” he said “you brought this upon yourself.” He said back to you. Little did he know you were not going to go down easily, you had been taking self defense classes with Chris. You were working on protecting yourself. You take a deep breath as you hit him right in the balls with that he released his grip. You quickly run to the room you came form to grab your phone to try and dial 911, or the security company. You quickly tried to dial before you got pulled and then hit “Please I am sorry” she said “please don’t hurt me” you plead one more time as you struggled against him. Though you had fight and you both struggled for a little bit as you were just not strong enough and only were able to dial 91 before he got the better of you. Six stab wounds later. You laid there as you gasped for air and he left. You could feel the life draining out of your body. Chris came home about two hours later and saw you laying there, in your own blood, lifeless.. He tried to wake you up and he could not. He finished what you were doing and called the police as he was now covered in your blood and dying on the inside trying to stay strong.

Eighteen

   Charley draped her arms over the back of the sofa, sipping her coffee as she watched her cousin race back and forth, preparing for her first day of school. Vinnie sat beside her on the couch, and Modo and Throttle were in the kitchen, taking surreptitious glances around the doorway as they cleaned up the breakfast dishes. All three mice seemed completely mystified by Alley’s behavior.

    When she headed down the hall, abruptly stopped halfway, and turned around to make a beeline back to her bedroom, Charley couldn’t take it anymore.

    “Alley. Alley!”

    The frazzled blonde screeched to a halt, looking over her shoulder with wide eyes. “What?”

    “Will you please relax?” Charley held up her mug with a grin. “You’re makin’ my coffee very nervous.”

    Alley blinked, then broke into a sheepish grin of her own. “Sorry. It’s just … I’m nervous. And excited. And nervous.”

    “What’s the big deal?” Vinnie scoffed. “It’s just school. Ain’t that a normal thing around here?”

    “It’s not just school. It’s college. It’s like … like jumping from the little leagues straight into the big ones!” Alley protested.

    “That’s right, boys. Our little Alley has to put on her big girl panties now. She’s playin’ with the grownups,” Charley teased.

    “You, shush!”

    A pair of balled-up socks was launched her way, almost landing in the mug. Charley managed to catch them without spilling too much coffee, and tossed them back. “And why are you taking an extra pair of socks?” she asked curiously.

    Alley blinked down at them, then threw her arms into the air. “I don’t know!” she wailed as she stomped back to her room.

    Charley leaned her forehead against the couch and laughed.

    “Is she gonna be okay?” Modo asked with amused concern.

    “Don’t worry, big guy. First day jitters.” She offered a reassuring grin. “We all got ‘em. College is kind of a big deal, and I think her parents are expecting a lot from her, especially her mom.”

    “Did you attend college?” Throttle wanted to know.

    “Hmmm.” She finished off her coffee; Vinnie instantly got to his feet to fetch her a refill, and she offered a grateful smile along with the mug. “Sort of,” she replied to Throttle’s question. “I graduated high school a few years ahead of everyone else my age, and I took some courses at a local technical school, just to supplement my knowledge and get an official business degree. I’ve always known what I wanted to do, though, and I already had the work experience, thanks to my dad and uncle. So I never felt the need for the whole college thing like Alley’s doing. Still, I do know how it feels, moving out on your own for the first time and all. It is exciting, and kinda scary. Nobody’s there to hold your hand anymore, ya know?”

    “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll always hold your hand when ya need it.” Vinnie plopped down beside her, handing her the mug and taking her free hand to press a soft kiss into her palm. His red eyes glowed with impish humor as she blushed at his charming actions. Throttle and Modo looked at each other knowingly and grinned.

    Alley made a reappearance, dragging a large, rolling backpack behind her that looked a bit like a miniature, bag-shaped version of her van. She set the gaudy pack by the stairway.

    “Are you bringing your entire library?” Charley asked, amused.

    “They’re my textbooks. And my computer.”

    “Do you need all the books? That’s a lot of extra weight to drag around. What classes do you have today?”

    “Lessee … Schedule…” Alley frowned. “Schedule…?” She patted herself down, eyes widening. “Schedule!” She turned on her heel and made a mad dash for her room, much to the amusement of her audience.

    “Girl’s gonna give herself a stroke before she makes it out the door,” Throttle observed with a chuckle, shaking his head.

    She reappeared with a thick yellow envelope and her phone. “I need a favor. Can someone take my picture? Mom demands pictures of my first day. I’ll never hear the end of it if she doesn’t get any.” She offered the phone with a pleading expression.

    Laughing, Charley held out her hand, but Throttle intercepted. “Stand with her. I’ll take one of you together,” he said.

    “Great idea!” Alley grabbed her cousin by the arm and hauled her to the bare wall. “Say cheese!” she teased, giggling at Vinnie’s snort.

    Charley stood stiffly and managed an awkward smile, clearly not used to being in front of a camera. Alley, on the other hand, snapped off a playful pose, flashing a double thumbs-up with a brilliant grin, hamming it up with practiced ease. The flash went off, and she relaxed, accepting the phone from Throttle. “Thanks!” She studied at the picture. “Hey, this thing has a great camera. Charley, why do you look constipated?”

    “Oh, shut up.” The mechanic laughed as she delivered a playful shove.

    “Is someone honking outside?” Modo rumbled, head cocking to the side as he listened. They fell silent, and in another moment, the faint sound of a car horn drifted in through the open window.

    “Oh! That must be Chex.” Alley slipped the phone into her pocket. “She’s giving me a ride to the campus today since we have some of the same classes.”

    “Not Chris?” Charley slid her a coy glance.

    “I think he would’ve, except Chex beat him to it,” Alley replied with a laugh, hoisting the heavy bag onto her shoulder.

    “That was nice of her.”

    “Nah. She only offered ‘cause she’s hoping I’ll convince one of you guys to give her a ride on your bikes.”

    They all stared at her. She flashed a hopeful grin. “Just one? Doesn’t have to be far. Around the block, even. Oh, and when I say ‘one of you’, I’m pretty sure she means you, specifically.” She turned her smile on Modo, who straightened at the sudden attention.

    “Why me?” he asked, confused.

    “Oh, I dunno. Maybe ‘cause you saved her life? And she’s got a serious case of hero-worship as a result?”

    He looked flustered as Throttle and Vinnie snickered behind his back. “I’ll, uh, think about it.”

    The horn sounded again, sounding even more impatient. “Alright, I’m comin’!” Alley huffed to no one in particular as she bounded down the stairs.

    The four of them stared after her for a moment, before Charley sniggered. “So,” she began amicably, “bets on how long it takes her to figure out she’s not wearing shoes?

     ~*~*~*~*~

    “You’re such a blonde,” Chex snorted as Alley slid into the passenger seat of the little, silver-blue Accent (after scrambling back up the stairs to retrieve her shoes amid hoots of laughter from the peanut gallery).

    “Yeah, yeah. Just drive,” she grumbled, hauling her heavy pack into the car with her. “Sweet little ride, by the way. I sorta figured you'd drive up in a hearse or something.”

    “Don't I wish.” Chex pulled a face. “The step monster gave it to me. Said I needed a reliable car that’s good on gas mileage.”

    “She gave you a car?”

    “Yeah, she’s the type who likes to buy her way into the hearts of children.” Chex sniggered. “Hey, a free car is a free car. I just make sure I park it way back so people don’t see me in it. It totally does not fit my image.” She was silent a few minutes, before sliding Alley a sideways glance. “Sooooo … did you ask ‘im?”

    Alley laughed. “He said he’d think about it. Keep badgering him; I think you’re wearing him down. He's not the type to turn down a lady's request.”

    “Sweet.”

    “Oh, yeah! I almost forgot. Since we were speaking of step monsters, Chris said yours works a lot with jewelry appraising and stuff. Do you think she could help me and Charley out? We got some antique jewelry and loose gems and wanted to try and sell ‘em, but we need to know the value and find buyers and stuff.”

    “Yeah? What do you got?”

    Alley opened the front pocket of her bag, withdrawing the sapphire and diamond necklace Stoker had left behind. “Here’s an example.”

    Chex’s eyes widened as she took a good look; quickly turned her attention back to the road when someone honked loudly. “Holy shit, is that thing real?”

    “As far as I know.”

    “Where’d you get it?”

    “It was a gift from Stoker.”

    “Some gift! And you say there's more?”

    “Yeah. I guess precious gems and stuff aren't worth much to the mice. Stoker got what he needed from 'em—like the gold and most of the diamonds—and handed the rest over. Good thing, too, 'cause Charley could really use the money they'd bring in.”

    “She in trouble or something?”

    “Or something. Can't really talk about it. But do you think your step-mom could help out?”

    “Yeah, sure.” Chex shrugged. “I guess you can try and arrange a meeting with Victoria. I’ll give you the number to her office and tell Chris to let her know you’ll be calling. She'd probably be more open to helping if the request comes from him. She doesn't like most of my friends.”

    Alley didn't quite know what to say to that. “Well, thanks, that’ll be really helpful. I'm sure Charley and the guys'll be grateful, too.”

    “Cool. Think it’ll earn me some points toward scoring a ride?”

    Alley laughed and rolled her eyes.

     ~*~*~*~*~

    Chex showed Alley the most direct way to get to the main campus through Chicago, warning her to leave at least two hours ahead of time to avoid any potential delays such as mid-town traffic jams. Most of the professors did not take kindly to tardy students, and wouldn't let her into the class if she arrived late, no matter what sort of excuse she had. Luckily, they had no such issues and made it to the campus with plenty of time to spare. They parted ways in the parking lot with promises to meet for lunch, as their first classes were in different buildings. Alley used the opportunity to give herself another lightning tour of the campus; now that the maps had all been switched back to their proper places, it was much easier to figure out where she was. She also made a mental note to check out the secondary campus in the middle of the city, where her first business classes would be held the following day.

    However, it shortly became apparent that she wouldn't be taking those business courses any time soon. Or any of her other courses, for that matter. No sooner had she signed in on the roster and chosen a seat, the young student assistant taking attendance called her back to the desk.

    "Sorry, Miss Davidson, but your name isn't on my list," he began, his bored tone suggesting that this wasn't the first time he'd had to make this announcement to a new pupil. "This is Music Composition 101. Check your schedule."

    Alley clenched her teeth, annoyed by the insinuation that she'd gone to the wrong class. "No need. I know my schedule," she replied with as much politeness as she could muster. No need to take it out on him; he was just doing his job, after all, and she didn't doubt he'd already had to send other students on their way to the correct classrooms. But she wasn't one of them, darn it!

    At his obvious skepticism, she pulled the thick envelope from her bag and riffled until she found her schedule, handing it over with pursed lips. "Right there.” She tapped the page. “Music Composition at ten o'clock. Room 317."

    He glanced over it, handed it back with a shrug. "Must be a scheduling error. You'll have to take it up with the office." He went back to his roster, a clear dismissal.

    She stared at him. "What, you mean … now? But class is about to start!"

    He shrugged again. "Sorry, but the rules are if you're not on the roster, you can't attend the class. Better get it figured out and make sure there aren't any other conflicts." Seeing her expression, he softened. "Look, Professor MacDougall is running late today. Her kid has an ear infection or something and her nanny just quit on her. I'm taking over for her until she can get here. The class lasts two hours. You can probably get it sorted in more than enough time. Come back with a note from the office, and I'll let you sit in the remaining time. If Professor MacD shows up, I'll explain the situation."

    "Yeah, okay. I'll do that." Alley wasn't very happy with the solution, but at least he was trying to help. She hoisted her heavy bag and started for the office, grumbling to herself. What a way to start off her college career!

     ~*~*~*~*~

    "What do you mean my scholarship's been revoked?"

    Alley gaped at the secretary, wondering if she'd started hallucinating for some reason. Delayed effects of Stoker's miracle cure, by chance? She would skin that mouse alive when she saw him again!

    The secretary—Her name was Mary, Alley recalled—was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, tapping away at the computer and nervously adjusting her wire-framed glasses. "Um, you see, there has been some discrepancy with your SAT scores—"

    "What kind of discrepancy?" Alley growled. "I passed those tests with more than enough points to earn my scholarship! I studied my ass off to get those scores!"

    "Please lower your voice, Miss Davidson." Looking distressed, Mary adjusted her glasses again. "You see, I am very sorry, but there appears to be some … concern over how you … acquired your high scores."

    Alley's eyes narrowed. "I. Studied."

    "Are you certain that is the only way you passed?"

    She felt like she'd just been kicked in the gut. "Are you actually accusing me of cheating?"

    Mary cleared her throat. "Please, lower your voice," she repeated, more firmly. "The fact is, through most of your academic history, your scores have always been … less than spectacular." She adjusted her glasses yet again; Alley was sorely tempted to rip them off her face and stomp on them. "Yet you managed to pass your SATs with scores that put you within the top fifteen percent of the entire country. That is no simple feat. You must realize how … suspicious it all looks."

    "Slacking off does not make me a cheater," Alley hissed. "I was just lazy. I never cheated on anything in my life! And I'll have you know that in my last two years, I completely turned it around, got As and Bs in all of my classes. Or does that not count for anything?"

    Mary pursed her lips, then calmly swiveled her computer monitor until it faced Alley. Puzzled, she gave it a cursory glance. And then her jaw dropped as what she was seeing registered.

    It was her permanent school record. Only it wasn't. All four of her high school years were displayed clearly on the screen, except that for two of them, the high scores that should have been there seemed to have been replaced with grades that could only be described as abysmal. Even her art and writing classes—her favorite subjects in school—barely covered passing ground.

    "Are you kidding me?" she screeched, ignoring the secretary's glare. "With scores like that I wouldn't have even passed high school, much less made it into college!"

    "Yes, that is exactly my point," Mary replied primly.

    Alley massaged her temple, where a headache was steadily forming. "And you seem to be completely missing mine," she growled. "Those are not my grades. I've been … set up or something!"

    "Why would anyone set you up?" The secretary looked more than a little skeptical.

    "I don't know!" Alley threw her hands into the air. "Maybe some bored student decided to play a mean prank and picked me at random. It happens, right? That thing with the maps? And it's not like computers can't be hacked or anything!"

    "Our system security is top-notch. Not just anyone can break into it." Mary looked offended at the very suggestion; Alley decided that mentioning how easily her cousin could probably break in wouldn't really help her case at the moment.

    "Then it's some bizarre glitch in the system," she muttered, struggling to think of any answer. "I took those tests a year ago. If I'd really cheated, wouldn't someone have figured it out way before now? I mean, I was in here with the dean's kids last week filling out forms! Remember? Why didn't you bring up this situation then? It sure would've saved me a lot of hassle now."

    Finally, a hint of doubt in the secretary's eyes, before her expression firmed. "I am very sorry for all of this trouble, Miss Davidson. I promise I will look into the matter and see if it can be resolved in a satisfactory manner."

    "And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Can I go back to class?"

    "I'm sorry, but that just isn't possible at this time. As I said, your funding has been revoked. All of your classes have been canceled. Until this situation is resolved, policy states that you cannot attend this school."

    Alley started to panic. "But keeping my scholarship depends on me maintaining my grade point average! If I can't attend those classes, I'll flunk out by default, and I'll lose it all anyway, even if I manage to get it back! It could take weeks to get it all sorted. It'll all be for nothing!"

    Mary was sympathetic but unwavering. Alley realized she would be getting no more help out of her, turned and trudged from the office as the churning mass of dread, confusion, and defeat sat like a sick lump in her gut.

    All she could think of was how in the world she was ever going to explain this to her parents.

Next

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oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

 beneath the cut is a copy paste version of harley’s timeline as i’ve sorted for this blog and my rp purposes - it is super choppy and unfinished, it was delivered over discord while i was doing like five other things and brain dead; this is just a placeholder of it until i can write up something more cohesive / established.

she just didn’t want, didn’t need any reminders of the way things had been before her father had been creamed by one of many fat cats in their expensive cars and their diamond pink rings.  wrong place, wrong time, her ASS.  she’d never been any under delusions her father had been a saint.  what she’d found when cleaning and packing to move from one shit hole to another had done nothing but clarify that some people in this world just had it coming.  SHE WANTED TO THINK SHE WAS DITCHING THE BOARD GAMES, THE BARBIES, THE WHATEVER ELSE HE’D GIVEN HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP THINGS BOUGHT WITH DIRTY MONEY…THE TRUTH WAS SHE JUST DIDN’T WANT ANYTHING AT ALL THAT WOULD REMIND HER OF THE FACT THAT HE’D BE MISSING FROM THIS YEAR’S CHRISTMAS DINNER.  AND EVERY ONE AFTER.

mmmhmokay so, she was a gymnast, like, super super super good, she was actually on the team to go to the olympics like a year or two after that too ugh im sorry all of this is going to be so fucking sporadic my brain is a mess

okay let me roll this back a pace

\so she grew up in a mostly normal two parent decent white collar life  her mom was kind of distant and off putting but eh  that's just the way it washer dad was an accountant / worked for the mob etc though she didn't find that out til later / it was mostly only suspicions no hard proof etc.they weren't rich they weren't poor she didn't have the best shit but she didn't go hungry either etc she did gymnastics and ballet and track and such she was really really good at gymnastics that ws where most of the free money and time went then her dad gets killed in a hit and run when she's like 12 ish her mom goes super stiff and just basically retreats from life as a whole, she gets super short tempered and any warmth there was just kinda fizzles out, she starts putting more and more pressure on harleen they don't have a nest egg, the mom didn't work, now she has to have an office job, they move to a shitty apartment in the wrong side of town, things are hard and rough and gritty at 14/15 harleen ends up on the team for the olympic gymnastics and blows out her right knee in the second event of the competition

needless to say she's a wreck and she's devastated and there goes everything she's ever worked for meanwhile her mom loses her shit and is like how am i supposed to pay for this how are we supposed to survive now because that was supposed to be their golden ticket so harleen kinda just has an inner mental breakdown and shuts down but just acts like it's no big deal its fine and just kind of self isolates and pushes herself with her recovery and therapy and ends up causing more damage in the long run but she wants to get better faster // which is all really moot because she's never going to be back to that level of competitiveness again and definitely not w/in that limited time frame that is the peak for gymanstics aka she was borderline too old by the time she made it to the olympics the first time so she pretty much ends up just having to rely on herself to take care of herself from that point on because her mom just basically likes to pretend she doesn't exist she throws herself into her schoolwork which -- she was always smart and liked books and school anyway but she really just sort of skimmed along with bare minimum because she was throwing herself into her gymnastics for so long she ends up graduating near the top of her high school class and between her gpa and her 'personal triumph / recovery' story whatever she ends up getting scholarships and grants for college she's always been very hyper sensitive / needy when it came to attention and praise / rewards she always had a lot of trouble with self-worth / needed external validation if she wasn't the best, or at the top of whatever she was doing, she doesn't feel like she's doing good enough / she's always always pushing herself

she finishes her degree early bc she just works her fucking ass off and ends up interning during her doctorate at arkham there's a lot of other misc shit in there of course i mean she has trouble with relationships she needs too much validation and she has too high of expectations for realistic anything she also keeps people at arms length bc she knows they're going to leave / end up disappointing her / end up being disappointed in her she's very obsessive / very orderly and proper with her life everything has its place she files her reports, everything is on schedule or ahead of it, everything is neat and clean, folded, put away, organized, so on because the more she can control it all the better she feels

like everything in her apartment is white or black everything is in cubbies and boxesher cabinet doors are glass etc. etc.neat, organized, tidy very sleek and modern her books are organized by size i mean just like epitome of obsessive she has schedules for everything she schedules time for reading and for her baths and studying and cooking and eating and she schedules the time she has to go out and socialize and and she's super fucking smart and she's really good at her job too, like, in the comics it's indicated that she successfully ( i mean as much as anybody can ever successfully treat) treats / rehabilitates two face and a couple others of the super whacked out bad guys -- at least temporarily -- during her time with them at arkham etc

SO then enters the joker and ???????he's literally the epitome of everything she isn't / everything she can't stand in anyone else ever?i mean he's literally chaos personified ok but he's this MYSTERY and he's chaotic and he's charming and he's enigmatic and he's SO FUCKING SMART even when he's trying to dumb himself down for the fun of it and he's just ? he's this huge fucking puzzle

and she becomes so obsessed with trying to figure it out trying to figure him outhow he works what made him this way who he is and he's so slippery and she gets so frustrated because what's real? what isn't? what's a game? what part is truth and what is lies?and she wants to figure him out / she wants to fix it / she wants to unravel it all and put it all back together

but he's just this tangled web of things that drive her crazy and it hits her obsessiveness so hard and he's so good at manipulation and playing people and he's so good at reading people and using people so he just knows how to push her buttons BUT this all ties back in because in the comics etc you remember that line from the blurb about the fat cats with their diamond pinky rings etc ?

at some point while he's luring her in etc.they're talking about things and i have always headcanoned that he did a lot of push and pull like hannibal lecter did with clarice like i'll show you mine if you show me yours type thing so he ends up learning stuff about her along the way too and one of their sessions, i figure it would be not too long before he convinces her to help him escape he's got a present for her too and it's the mob boss' pinky finger w/ the diamond ring, in the guy's embroidered handkerchief the one that killed her dad that he had killed or at least that's the implication

so yeah it's a really long explanation but that's the connection between that first blurb and the whole point of it being yeah he gives her the guy's pinky i headcanon that she wears that ring on her middle finger or thumb pretty much all the time after he's finally done with making her bonkers

K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」 「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

Untitled

I think the word rape makes a majority of people very uncomfortable which is weird considering it’s happened to so many. think the word rape makes a majority of people very uncomfortable which is weird considering it happens all the time. A large percentage of my friends, male and female, have experienced sexual assault, harassment, or rape to some degree. I never refer to what happened to me as rape. I know at the end of the day, in it’s simplest form, that’s what it is. But I was raised and conditioned to think of rape as something violent, something that happens to you by a stranger, something that happens once, something that if it happens you immediately know that you were raped. But for me, it was a friend, someone that I’ve known since I was twelve, someone I worked with everyday, someone that knew my family and my friends, and something that was ongoing. It’s been about 2 years since it started and it and he are still the last things I think about before I fall asleep and are the first thoughts in my mind when I wake up. Granted, since moving away from the town and the people, it doesn’t infest my mind as consistently as it used to. But after a Facebook post that slightly referred to it, bringing many friends and even strangers opinions to light, it’s all I can focus on. So if you’re taking the time out of your day to read this (family, friends, strangers, whatever), Hi, my name is Jade McGee and when I was sixteen years old I was sexually and emotionally abused for about 4 months by a 37 year old man. I’m here to discussed what happened, how it affected me, and the people around me. To make it clear, I believe he and I had two completely different experiences of what happened, this is in no way me speaking for him or trying to slander him, just speaking from my viewpoint of what happened and how it continued to affect me.

I would describe 15/16 year old Jade as someone with a high level of social anxiety that hadn’t really found herself as a person yet and felt like a shell of a human being. I didn’t have too many friends in high school and my one and only boyfriend was in 7th grade who I soon broke up with at a winter formal because I didn’t want to slow dance with him. During my junior year I switched to online school because all of my friends were adults and I didn’t click well with anyone my age. I met him when I was in 7th grade but didn’t become closer with him until fall of my junior year. We were friends, we got along well, I did and still do care about him as a human being. But he did start to initiate the fact that he had more sexual feelings for me that I tried to brush off or ignore because he was one of my closer friends at the time. The relationship didn’t start to shift until we started working on a show together, it started small with him kissing me backstage trying to mask it by then kissing the other people around(no I don’t understand that logic but I honestly completely forgot about that tidbit until I started writing), then to him sticking his hand down my pants in the alley when he went out for a smoke, to him calling me up to his office to bring him coffee and instead him shutting the door and locking it behind him, and then to me staying at his house for days at a time bouncing between going to work with him and then back to his house. This went on for four months. I’ll spare the details of what happened each time due to the fact that I’m beyond sick of describing it in a prim and proper way, but to give a general idea, it was not violent, or physically abusive in anyway. I know he deeply cared about me to the point of obsession, I was an object to him, I was “his”. He got furious every time he saw me talking to a male friend. Wanted me to go to the college near by so we could buy a house and live there together. Every time it happened all of the actions were either performed on me or he basically used me as a puppet to preform actions on him. Yes, I know the million dollar question is “If you didn’t want it to happen, why return, why not say anything to him or anyone else?” And my answer is that that sixteen year old girl had the same questions flying around in her brain. At the time it was happening I didn’t realize what was going on. I always thought “well next time it won’t happen” but every “next time” it still happened. While it was happening I was paralyzed, I couldn’t move and my mind left my body and it was like I was just watching.  It kills me that the people around me had some idea that something was going on and didn’t do anything about it, or thought that I would willingly participate in the situation. I wasn’t flung into reality until the night of his roast that was thrown on his birthday to raise money for a friend. Where every other joke towards him was about his obsession of younger girls. And the audience would laugh. And he would laugh. But for me it was a realization of “he has done this exact thing with other girls my age”. That night we went to a bar across the street to continue celebrating, he was a few too many drinks in and was extremely touchy and possessive with me. The people I was around noticed and only talked among themselves about it while I sat there internally screaming “You all see what’s happening, so why aren’t you doing anything about it?” After that night I cut off all communication with him. To pull yourself out of any sort of sexual assault/harassment  situation is extremely difficult. How many times have you stood up to the guy/girl cat calling you from across the street? Do you ever say anything to the creepy guy/girl at the bar or party that won’t leave you alone? It’s not easy in any capacity or on any level to try to remove yourself without any help. Ignoring him was relatively difficult considering I still saw him everyday and he still tried stay in touch with me. Ignoring him went hand and hand with ignoring what happened. Which only works for so long until keeping it to yourself and telling no one else starts to eat away at you. For me I tried to ignore it by detaching myself from friends, distracting myself with self harm, eating too little, eating too much, and a last resort of almost taking my life because at the time what had happened was my only world and I saw no way out of it. A few days after that incident I decided it was time to tell my best friend about it. I was still in denial about everything and told her what happened in a text message because talking about it out loud made it too real. But immediately upon telling her things got better, she went above and beyond to find me help and give me different options on how I could move forward. I very slowly started to tell more friends about it until I told a friend that had the response of “The same thing happened to me with the same person.” and I started stumbling upon more people that experienced similar occurrences with the same person. This infuriated me, mostly because I couldn’t believe that the person that went through it prior to me didn’t speak up because if she would have it wouldn’t have happened to me. But that also made me realize that I could not let this get swept under the rug again.

It took me 7 months after I stopped speaking to him to go to a higher authority with what happened. My final push was when I decided to start speaking to him again. Mostly because I thought that I just imagined everything and maybe he wasn’t as bad as everyone had kept reiterating to me. But turns out people don’t change, I told him exactly how what happened made me feel and that It wasn’t mutual. At first he was concerned about but after the initial time I told him he continued to pretended as if nothing happened and every time I brought it up again he wouldn’t answer me or he brushed it off. So the night before I went to an authoritative figure I texted him and told him that those were my intentions. That’s the last time I’ve had any contact with him. After telling my place of work they had suspended him and then went into a month long investigation where at least twice a week I was meeting with lawyers, social, workers, detectives, and judges. For me, this was the worst, most dehumanizing part of it all. Each meeting I had to tell the same story in full exploited detail to strangers, mostly men, that for purposes of their job had to really grind at the story and had to act at an angle of not believing what I said. I felt like a record player. To this day I’ve detached myself so far from the situation that when I talk about it I forget I’m talking about myself and that these events actually happened to me. I haven’t been able to discuss it on an emotional scale since because the left side of my brain has completely repressed the right side to protect myself from the emotional side of it. After a month of hell he was fired. I’ve heard rumor of what he’s doing now and what he’s told people but considering I haven’t seen it for myself, I have no reason to believe it.

I can count on both hands the number of people that I have personally told about it and yet everyone still knows. I’m sorry to the friends that had to hear it from someone else and I wish it had come from me. I last saw him this past summer from the inside of a car and had a full mental breakdown because I remembered that it and he were real and hundreds of repressed memories had resurfaced. I hate going anywhere in that town alone because I don’t know what I would do if I came face to face with him again. I thank the people who took the position of believing me and stand by me to this day. To the people that don’t believe me or to the strangers that hate me, even though you’ve never met me, who think Im lying for attention, I completely understand that the adolescent in these scenarios are not always innocent, but he was still the adult by 21 years, with repetitive cases of sexual assault by many other underaged girls giving me the reason to remove him from the establishment that introduced him to all the people he hurt.  I can’t help what you’ve been told but I can tell you I wish this never happened. I don’t want the attention that comes with it. I don’t want my friends talking about it with one another when I’m not around. For months it was the only thing people talked to me about. The only thing people saw or could think about when they looked at me. I wish I was lying. I wish he wasn’t raised to behave this way. I wish it didn’t have a say in all my actions. I wish I didn’t shutter whenever someone touches me. But the world is a nasty place with nasty people. I hope speaking out about what happened to me helps someone, because that’s the only way I know how to contribute to this constant situation on local and higher levels of society. I’m always open to discussing it more to those that want and I will always be a person that someone can talk to. If you’ve experienced something similar. You are not alone in any capacity. Be proud of yourself and let getting through it empower you. For everyone in-between, know that just because a person does not say “no” doesn’t mean they consent and be mindful that everybody lies. Thank you for reading, feel free to share, comment on, or completely ignore this.

- Jade