#im being deadass because im stupid LMAO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 1 year

Note

“Ann Veritas”

“Brad Lunaris”

Those names lmao 💀

No but deadass some of these stories have me ready to just start straight up mocking them in homestuck syntax because it genuinely feels like the author didn't take 5 seconds to start reading things out-loud to doublecheck how stupid it sounds

"My name is ISABELLA and I am an OMEGA of the HOWLERS PACK. I am only FIFTEEN YEARS OLD and it was been OVER 20 HOURS since I have slept, I have been WORKING ALL DAY to cook and clean for the pack, ALL BY MYSELF. My skin is just SO PALE and I'm just SO THIN that I am EASILY ONE OF THE UGLIEST GIRLS IN THE PACK. Every day I am BEATEN UP, sometimes for NO REASON, but I do not mind, because TODAY is my 16TH BIRTHDAY and it is the day I am supposed to meet MY FATED MATE."

Like genuinely I think if you were to ask me the worst story I've read, it would be hard to tell you because some of them are either excessively cheesy, the narrators mispronounce words, the grammar is awful, or the plot is just BAD. Like I feel like Back & Better is probably up near the top for the worst one just because of the entire premise "yeah you were bullied until the point you literally attempted suicide but your mate is your bully and he as well as two other men all force their mate bond on you which is basically rape and you fall in love with all 3 of them and for some reason they're notoriously famous Doms despite being seniors in high school which sounds like it should be illegal actually"

Like im just going to bitch about that again. I don't really consider myself a slut shamer moreso, if you have certain attitudes around sex, that's a red flag for me, and sorry, being 18 year olds who are notorious Doms at actual sex clubs? At 18? I think my genuine first reaction would be "were you molested or something, this is genuinely very gross and bizarre". Like no offense that gives me "I need you to get tested before I so much as swap spit with you" energy.

Actually this reminds me of a concept I've been playing with off and on. So imagine we have Reader who is either a late bloomer werewolf or a human, but either way was not raised in a pack, knows nothing about wolves, and during a road trip or vacation or something you bump into the Alpha of a pack and it's like, oh hey, he's actually like, really powerful and strong and not exactly ancient by werewolf standards but like maybe he's even a couple hundred years old. And he's been waiting for his precious mate this entire time and its you and he already adores you more than life itself 🥺

And imagine he's kind of this quiet hardened leader, dedicated and wise but by no means like old or incompetent. He's the leader of a strong pack, despite never meeting his mate. And for some of these audiobooks, there's a concept where the strength of the Alpha is the strength of the pack itself, and well... imagine if it is by no means unusual that you're walking around, trying to see what could potentially be your new home, and every so often you notice, "hey there's actually a decent number of pregnant women in this community" and you find out that, because the Alpha didn't have his mate for all these years, one of the ways he was bolstering pack strength and numbers was by breeding with females from his pack, not even out of love either, just procreation for strong future pups

Like "hello fated mate who I love ever so dearly, you don't mind that I've slept with most of the women in this pack at some point right? You've met several of my children already but that's OK because you and I will be having plenty of pups" like actually no thank you sir, fated mate or not I would kill myself before living in, like, essentially a village where my husband has slept and fathered children with most of the unmated women above a certain ranking, like. No lmao? Like imagine you're still trying to get to know him and a woman comes up in tears and just slaps him, "so now that you've found your mate you're just going to abandon me and our children?! I LOVE YOU, you bastard!" Like i think that'd put him in a bad light so fucking fast

Imagine if that Alpha Luna mate bond/strength of the Alpha and Luna is the packs strength bullshit is so strong that you're literally not when hooking up with the Alpha yet havent so much as pecked him on the cheek and several mated wolves have suddenly become pregnant after years of trying, like, the pack literally blessed by your presence, they're all so happy, they want you to stay, and of course this is when you find out you absolutely hate a ton of how werewolves live

Like lmao I was brainstorming ideas and I actually accidentally made myself shaking angry at the concept of like, imagine if you've been trying to get to know the pack and the Alpha while gently correcting people "hey don't call me Luna I'm new here and you know, who knows if I'm even staying" and at some point you find out the. Um. Extremely questionable ways they raise their children. You see a bunch of kids violently bullying one of the weaker and smaller children for being an Omega. You see children having to run self defense drills to be able to protect themselves and their pack but treated like trash if they underperformed. Imagine you see a higher ranked wolf just wailing on a kid during a training fight to the point it becomes a beating with the adult genuinely hurting the child as a punishment for failure and you go to tell the Alpha and he's like "yeah thats normal? Our kind can't afford weakness"

The fated day comes when you see a teenager have a smart mouth with your supposed-to-be future husband and challenging his authority and your beloved mate just raises a hand and backhands this kid as easy as breathing air and starts off on a tirade about how it isn't the child's place to question the authority of his Alpha, that hes expected to obey amd nothing more. Imagine the pack's shock when you stroll up to the strongest member of their community, "if strength and violence is how you solve all of your problems, what do you think of this" before slapping him as hard as you can if not beginning to try and fight him outright before someone else has to pry you off because he doesn't even defend himself from you

The Alpha standing there while you start ranting in his face about "is this supposed to be strength? Hitting children? Picking on those weaker than you? Am I supposed to be impressed you're an adult man who can't control his temper and responds with violence? Am I supposed to want to live in a community where people think this is ok?"

Like imagine being the Alpha and you're in the middle of disciplining some disrespectful pup, asserting your authority like you always have, after all you're the main protector and leader of this pack and it's important your authority is revered, and all of a sudden you can sense your mate and you look over and she's just got a hand clenching the shirt over her stomach with tears spilling down her face while she looks at you like you're an absolute monster and you realize with horror that she just made the decision that she's never going to have children with you, let alone let you be her husband

Like imagine you're just bawling your eyes out trying to go back to the room where you have your things because you're IMMEDIATELY convinced to leave, you can't be here, you can't get pregnant here, you can't bring a child into this, let alone with a man who thinks this is ok in a community that supports this, and you're trying to gather all your clothes together while absolutely sobbing because, this was supposed to mean EVERYTHING! this was supposed to be YOUR SOUL MATE. And it's ruined! And the Alpha is just listening to you pour your heart out and (try) to reject him and you've got your little bag of clothes in your hand and you go to leave and he's just there in the doorway and just. Steps out into the hall and, click! Locks you in.

Like all I'm thinking of is how in The Silent Alpha the Moon Goddess mentions fixing people up when she thinks they balance each other out so it's "her plan" for you to mellow him out a bit while he's your strong protector (since you're just so Emotional and Weak UWU) and it just leads to you basically getting worn down until you're practically just a possession of his, having your own small authority as pack Luna but you're mostly just "oh his sweet little precious mate you're so small and cute 😍 " and God forbid if you're a human and you refuse to let him turn you, he'll probably just do it anyways, unless he likes the idea of you staying human or like, werewolfism isn't contagious in this story. Who knows maybe you'll even get extra super unlucky and Moon Goddess will give you some sort of magical power that the werewolves have extra reason to want to keep you for ;)

#sinprompts

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diagonal-queen · 1 year

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HI STILL NIGHTGOWN ANON. im a silly little fella. I JUST SAW THE OTHER POST. IM MOTIVATED. IM GLAD YOU LIKE THE IDEAS! ILL TRY AND THINK OF MORE.

- i see... so you have showed poe popipo?? alright next up on the chopping block: 'AaaAaaaAaa'

- i personally LOVE rabbits. Just imagine little karl with little holland lop bunny :) OKOK THATS MY PERSONAL PREF HAHA

- imagine reader is a fellow writer, and they meet at like.. this writing convention or something like that, going to like the same publisher/editor?? thats how they met

- what if you met through ranpo? again, reader also writes and has like weird ideas and hes like: i gochu. i introduce you to racoon man! you: .o. hes perfect.

- reader reviewing poe ideas and just being like: bro that wont work r u stupid

- reader sitting on poes lap while he writes and complaining about him writing too much

- poe gets a hand injury bc he writes too much and reader has to take care of him (babying him)

- poe and ranpo have 'friendly' playdates (although they like to call it a debate between skills) and reader like you said, is the mediator between the two.

- reader and ranpo are besties. poe being the sugar daddy he is, buys reader everything they want. reader then proceeds to take all snacks and stuff to share with ranpo. poe then has to monitor both of their sugar intakes because... well...

- poe babysitting reader and ranpo

- ranpo babysitting reader and poe

- trio being unsupervised (jk kunikidas there to save the day)

- ranpo dies and reader uses poe as therapy/replacement. poe accepts their date proposal because he liked them. OF COURSE RANPO WOULDNT DIE THOUGH BC HES TOO SMART I LOVE HIM

- vice versa. poe dies and reader uses ranpo as therapy/replacement. ranpo accepts their date/proposal because he had his eye on them. SAME THING THO HES TOO BABY TO DIE

IDK these thoughts came randomly to my head while i was writing them. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MY LOVE! ❤️

nightgown you're like a stray cat that shows up every now and then but instead of me giving you treats you're giving me headcanons and i appreciate it because poe is the blorbo ever 🤧 i love all of these so much WHAT

poe can't get behind miku he'd be like 'BUT SHE'S A ROBOT ON THE COMPUTER. HOW CAN A ROBOT BE REAL' 'no edgar she's a vocaloid' 'THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE' lol, also poe lowkey really does seem like a bunny type. those rabbits are very cute <3

it would be very cute if poe and author!reader met because they had the same publisher but it would also be adorable if they met at a convention that they were both featured at and they were like huge fans of each other, so all the bookworms there who went to meet you and poe just watch the two of you awkwardly interact ksjskskjs

there are SO many ways you could fit ranpo into a poe x reader. i've written myself a little bit of a 'ranpo with a younger sister who likes poe's books meets him and falls immediately' already lmao but ranpo, knowing that poe can be awkward sometimes, would probably deadass just lock you two in a room with a bunch of pens and blank manuscripts and be like 'go on then' LMAO

poe's books and poems are basically always a hit but when he's tired and suffering writer's block some of his manuscripts are a bit iffy. you've had to help him out of his slump a time or two. get all the terrible drabbles out of his system before he finally presents you with another banger of a novel. don't be too relentless with him though he might cry

and of course the beloved poe scenario where reader is like 'POE STOP' and he's just writing light yagami style like 'NEVER'. he won't stop if you sit in his lap or complain though. he is a hard worker and very creative, and much like myself must get his ideas out or he'll forget them immediately. maybe if you manage to distract him somehow? put on the nightgown JYGSJKHKKJBRKTW IM SORRY

if he hurts his hand...imagine poe being so sad because he's physically unable to write- he'd definitely try anyway, but you need to be like NO, BAD. you do get to spend a bit more time together than normal which is nice, but once he's healed it'll take a miracle to pull him away from his desk

trying to be the diplomat for these two would be a nightmare. ranpo's silly, poe's awkward, they're both bickering ;-; at least if you team up with ranpo you can convince poe to buy the two of you candy (he really doesn't wanna, but...T-T). you two are far too excitable and talkative for his own good. on the flip side, ranpo would just give up taking care of the two of you immediately because EUGH romance and EUGH being quiet and EUGH socratic circles lmao

also you three are lowkey a menace to society. like in all honesty you solve crimes together and work towards a safer society but also, two chatterboxes being followed around by a tall awkward man wearing a cape and accompanied by a raccoon? yeah.

i would HATE to write a fic in which either of my beloved boys die but picture this- you're dating poe and he dies somehow. you and ranpo are very sad, you bond a little more after his death and eventually begin dating. it's been a while and you and ranpo are still together, but then poe reappears out of who knows where and sees that you're dating his best friend... (vice versa works too- either way it's the WORST)

#dia's discourse #thoughts: nightgown anon my beloved #edgar allan poe bsd #headcanons

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theprettyarachnid · 2 years

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arcane char hcs of how would they kiss the reader (?

a/n: it is 3 am, i have a headache and im having muscle spasms but im gonna write this anyway and wait for the aspirin to kick in <3

warnings: grammar mistakes probalby, nsfwish

characters: jinx, vi, caitlyn, ekko, viktor, jayce, silco, vander

Jinx

🕷 Jinx is very playful with her kisses

🕷 When she goes in for a kiss she'll pull away at the last second just to see your reaction

🕷 Once she gets a reaction, she pulls you into a kiss laughing about how "stupid" you looked

🕷 Probably bites your lip or ear while and after kissing you

🕷 You cannot convince me that Jinx's love language isn't biting

🕷 this gay mf is so dramatic and for what

🕷 Vi literally kisses you like it's the last time she's gonna see you

🕷 Grabs you by the cheeks and everything

🕷 Her lips are always chapped no matter how many times you may beg her to use chapstick

🕷 Sometimes whispers things while kissing you but most of the time will just enjoy it silently

🕷 Always winks at you after a kiss

Caitlyn

🕷 I can see Caitlyn being kind of polite with her kisses if that makes sense

🕷 Like I feel like she would look for a signal or wait for an 'okay' before she kisses you

🕷 That's mostly only in the beginning though, the longer you two date the more she's inclined to give you random kisses

🕷 Big fan of cheek kisses or side mouth kisses

🕷 If you're ever going out she'll just lean her cheek towards you expectantly

Ekko

🕷 I know yall were waiting for this one

🕷 Although Ekko is extremely caring and kind, he probably keeps a tough exterior out in public so he only kisses you in private

🕷 There are two reasons for this:

🕷 Ekko gets flustered if you kiss him in public making Vi and his friends tease him ENDLESSLY

🕷 As well as the last thing he wants is for someone dangerous in Zaun to spot you two which would make you a target because of Ekko's intelligence and weapons (chronobreak)

🕷 When you two are alone though, I can see him being very affectionate

🕷 Ekko is very sweet with his kisses but also quick

🕷 Probably the type of person who plants multiple kisses on your face at a time

🕷 He's a fan of neck kisses, whether that's gentle, soft kisses or hickeys he doesn't really care

🕷 Likes to hold your hands while kissing

Viktor

🕷 Big on hand and wrist kisses

🕷 Grabs your hand and looks up at you while kissing it, just ugh i love this man

🕷 Viktor always gets a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks after kissing you

🕷 He isn't big on PDA, like at all really, unlike... someone else

🕷 Even though this man does not sleep, has never even heard of chapstick, and only consumes coffee his lips are always soft

🕷 Whenever he kisses you, he places a hand on the side of your neck

🕷 His kisses are pretty gentle and tender unless he's pissed off about something, then they're usually more rough and quick

Jayce

🕷 His kisses are rough and passionate

🕷 To be honest, I don't think Jayce has ever shared a gentle kiss with someone

🕷 He just isn't really that type of person, he's very passionate when it coms to love

🕷 which sometimes is probably a little overwhelming lmao

🕷 A lot of the time, Jayce will kiss when he pleases but there's also a side to him that enjoys the privacy

🕷 Likes to grab you by your waist and lift your chin up before kissing you

🕷 You can always feel his five o'clock shadow gently graze against your face but it's something you've grown to love

🕷 Jayce carries around chapstick with him so his lips are never chapped

Silco

🕷 Do not expect or give him kisses in public

🕷 This man would deadass PUSH you away

🕷 When you two are alone in his office it's entirely different story though

🕷 He has you propped up on his desk, his hands inside your shirt, your legs wrapped around him, his lips on yours

🕷 You're usually out of breath by the time he pulls away and still haven't caught it when he kisses you again

🕷 Will either praise you or degrade you while kissing, it depends on his mood

Vander

🕷 They're so domestic and loving

🕷 Even if it's your first kiss, he'll kiss you like you two have been married for 50 years

🕷 Pushes your hair behind your ear and away from your face before kissing you

🕷 Forehead kisses while you're napping, when you two are hugging, sometimes he'll just lean down kiss your forehead bringing you close to his chest

🕷 Put your hands on his chest NOW

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delicrieux · 3 years

Text

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”.

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing. word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie: y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!”

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

queen rly went from 🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing.

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.”

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall.

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets.

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout.

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse #corpse x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #myso #make you say oh #imagine #imagines

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littlespoonevan · 3 years

Note

God i need buddie to be an actual thing please. I'm like "as long as they're happy i don't care who they are with" BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE CIARA!!!! I WANT THEM TO BE A THING AND BE HAPPY TOGETHER and ugh I know it's kinda stupid to get this involved in an imaginary scenario but Ciara the only reason I started this show was because I was having such hard times then saw how excited y'all are and i decided to give it a try and now here I am, desperately need them to end up together. Because they're the only pair who didn't find their half (even though they did find each other) and i just want them to be happy then make me happy because I can't do this anymore Ciara!!! I NEED THEM TO BE TOGETHER GOD I NEED IT the anonymity of this whole situation is killing me!!!! One moment im so sure they'll end up together but then what if not ughhhhhhhh im sorry Ciara I needed to talk about this somewhere lol love you take care muaah 💕

askdlfhasdk anon, i feel this on a spiritual level. i'm on here every day being like, "pfft of course i'd love it to be canon, guys, but i know it won't be and that's fine!!!!!" but like......i'm deadass reaching a point where i just keep thinking, i know it won't happen but damn i'm about to be really annoyed that it won't lmao

because they just FIT, okay????? THEY FIT AND THE NARATIVE IS RIGHT THERE AND THE DEVELOPMENT IS RIGHT THERE AND ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS JUST SAY OKAY AND BOOM, THEY HAVE A PERFECT LOVE STORY ON THEIR HANDS

i just...........i'm fine with a scenario where neither of them are in a relationship at the end of the show bc i can join the dots myself but i'm gonna be so Disappointed if either of them ends up in an undeveloped endgame relationship bc!!!! it cannot possibly live up to how significant they are to each other!!!! even the show has pointed that out to us!!!!! you know?!?!!?

idk anon, i feel like s5 could truly make or break me lol

#anon #asks

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tsukidrama · 3 years

Note

hello!

i hope the doctor finds what’s wrong with your knee :( it’s doesn’t seem fun, whishing you a speedy recovery as well! i hesitated to send an other ask since you’ve written other stuff but i didn’t want to spam you but i’ll keep that in mind thank you! :) i’m already going to send you an other ask after this one for cold hands cold heart part 2 because i’m shy askdjfj

and also i was so surprised when i saw that other anon send an ask!! i mean i know we’re talking in public since it’s in asks and i don’t mind at all but i didn’t expect people to actually read what i send lmao this was really sweet. oh and i use she/her thank you for asking! 😊

it makes sense yeah! it’s annie’s own little universe, like a “the road not taken cinematic universe” (trntcu) lmao. this makes sense too, gosh she really deserves her little cottage now, even if things are going to be a bit complicated now this is probably the best setting for her to face all of her fears. she’s in her own place that she built, she has reader and her father, i think it’d be even harder if she was still in marley. well, i can’t wait to see what comes next!

oh, historia was totally ruined, the whole baby/farmer storyline brought way too much discourse lmao but it’s alright the story has a lot of other women to love peacefully.

i thought about you when i saw her in the trailer!!! the end of the show is really going to be something (if we forget about some….parts indeed), first episode of part 2 seems so far away!

there isn’t much in this ask (sorry) as i’ve only had time to read cold hands cold heart so i’ll just send an other ask! (will be longer)

-j

SORRY MY REPLY GOT KINDA LONG OOPS! not rly tho

yeah me too honestly. it's really bothering me and i'm starting to get really frustrated that it's not getting any better. please don't worry i'll get annoyed with spamming, it actually makes me really happy to see all the notifications! i am lonely and sad most of the time so it always makes my day.

ALDSKJCHASJKAKCSND JJJJJJJJ IM CRYINGNGGG IM GONNA PRINT THE COLD HANDS HOLD HEART ASK YOU SENT ME OUT AND FRAME IT ON MY WALLLL DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU????? i keep rereading it over and over again & my heart is exploding..... legit cried a little bit when you started talking about the ending. when you said "as you can tell i really like the moon" i laughed out loud, that's absolutely something i would say too. same ♡ i think i associate Annie and the moon together for some reason - is that just me being gay? eye contact with her would have the same vibes as staring up at the moon on a cold foggy night, i don't make the rules it's just true and facts i'm just sayin 😭

do you want me to keep the ask unpublished? i could absolutely respond to everything piece by piece. but if its meant for my eyes only then i will treasure it in secret forever.

but can i just say that you picked up on a lot of nuance that most people either don't notice or don't TELL ME they notice!! i spend a stupid amount of time making sure that my characterization is consistent etc, alongside stupid effort throwing in parallels so to have somebody connect the dots between stories/chapters, or what deeper meaning is implied by a behavior or scenario.. bliss. jus GOD you really hit the nail on the head in every way with your analysis of this fic, i'm deadass sitting here crying like you get it!! you see the fic for what it's supposed to be! dskjlahkdaj i know it's also not that deep but when i was in the process of writing that fic 8 months ago (WTF IS TIME) i thought to myself "nobody is even gonna notice all this in the end they just want the smut and the pretty writing is just a bonus" BUT YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO SEEN! i hope you know how much i luv you for that sending ask. AAAAAAAAAA i could combust!

i thought it was so cute that someone cared enough to drop by and say so 🥺 while of course i know in my brain that other people must read all my rambly responses to you, i've said before: i talk to you the way i talk to people in my dms. but therefore i open up more than i would just posting as usual, because i know somebody cares what i have to say lmao. that sounds so sad 😭 it's just disheartening to scream into the void so i don't as often makes posts for fandom these days. hell yeah girl!

pfftf "the road not taken cinematic universe" (trntcu) lmao you crack me up! for the sake of convenience i'll probably shorten it to something that's less of a mouthful AND WAIT IM HAVING AN EPHIPHANY, i could call it the "cottagecanon" 🥺🥺🥺 god that's so cute. it's true that she's in the best place she could possibly be for what she's going through. that's kind of the point, i think. as sad as it makes me to write the sad shit, it's just to get us to the point where my poor baby Annie can realize that she needs to process her trauma. she's never had a space in canon where she could do that. so fine, i'll just give it to her myself 😤

poor Hisu. she deserved better. god, the discourse and the theorizing really was something to witness... it makes me sad that a canon wlw character was reduced to what she was in the final arcs (s4). but yeah you're so right, she's not even in my top 5 aot women.

aAA AHA GOOD, she's my tall n crazy lean mean killing machinem i'm still surprised that my yelena content pops off the way it does, but i truly love the yelena following that i have on this blog, y'all put the spice in my life. at least we have an air date for the final season now! January 9th is less than four months away! we can get through this together. we got this.

#thank you for the serotonin today j #tsuki answers #j anon #annie-isms #trnt annie #snk #fave #cottagecanon #eeeeeeeee it'll take a while for me to root through my blog and try and tag everything that should belong under it but i'm excited so here

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irwinkitten · 4 years

Text

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥ warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder.

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded.

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone.

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid.

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour.

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.”

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest.

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you.

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently.

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering.

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple.

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes.

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening.

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke.

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile.

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders.

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why.

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes.

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you.

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you.

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably.

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air.

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips.

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him.

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly.

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant.

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings.

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares.

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy.

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners.

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.”

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives.

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject.

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway.

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there.

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings.

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged.

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that.

Michael came in next.

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate.

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning.

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval.

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed.

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there.

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you.

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked.

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks.

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear.

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down.

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed.

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you.

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively.

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank.

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly.

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath.

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.”

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long.

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him.

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you.

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over.

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm.

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours.

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life.

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh.

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring.

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace.

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head.

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more.

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his.

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly.

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear.

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you.

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington, @calumspeachy, @colourfulcalum, @lostincalum, @burncrashbromance, @asht0ns-world, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo, @loti18, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave, @clumclum-hood, @fangirl-everythang, @lashtondaddies, @calumssunshine, @ambskiwi, @abundant-stars, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife, @lmao5sosimagines, @beyoncesdragon, @jae-writes-fanfiction, @cxddlyash, @tresfandom, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t, @niallisworld, @lietomevalntyn, @babylon-corgis, @monochrome44, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @ghost0fy0u, @lyllibug, @bloodmoonashton, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee, @ghostofmashton, @summerellaz, @a-little-less-sixteen, @cashworthy, @smokeinherlungs, @longlastingdaydream, @h0tsos, @sweetcherrymike, @5sosnsfw, @sugar-nico, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal, @samros95, @maluminspace, @lukeinblue, @cakesunflower, @allamerican-betch, @britnicole11, @gigglyirwin, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton, @iovehemmings, @g-l-pierce, @jannimoeller3, @wildmichaelflower, @lukeskisses, @5sossstan, @youngbloodchild, @alloutofcashton, @tobefalling, @abb-lan-5sos, @calumsbub, @flameraine, @here-for-the-uproars, @mateisit-balsamic, @ilovelukey, @sarahshepherdblog

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ukeishin · 3 years

Text

— HAPPY NEW YEAR’S

happy new year’s! 2020 was eventful to say the least. i’m so immensely proud of you for making it through the year. this year was difficult and the feelings you had and struggles you endured are valid. im really happy you’re here :)

2020 was difficult for me and i’d much rather discuss happier topics so let’s get into that instead lmao. i’ve been reading fanfic since i was 11/12 and i started writing this year. writing/english has always been one of my weakest subjects, but surprisingly i found that i really enjoyed writing (fanfic). i have met so many wonderful people this year that i wouldn’t have if i didn’t choose to start this blog.

— FOR MY FOLLOWERS

im not even gonna lie i have no clue why people follow me when i post such self-indulgent stuff 😭😭😭. however, i am so grateful that people enjoy my writing. every like/reblog/comment means so much to me. jdjdjdkssk i screenshot many of the nice tags and comments because they really do make my day <3 thank u so much for supporting me!!

— FOR MY ANONS

🦢.anon : i truly love interacting with you!! like i don’t even know what to say, i love when we just chat or we’re thirsting or we’re soft lmao. thank u sooo much for being so supportive of my writing (and my self-ships).

tetsuro 😸 : MOD OMFG U MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH. u don’t even understand, your responses always make me giggle and really make my day. thank u so much for taking time out of ur day to chat with me :)

iwaizumi.anon : eep i don’t know if mod will see this, but thank u so much for indulging me :) i don’t know what to say, but it really does make my day and I ALWAYS GET A STUPID SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN YOU SEND AN ASK IN JFKDHXXKS

— FOR MY MUTUALS

you all are so fucking talented im constantly in awe of the fact that you follow me. irl i am extremely shy and have a difficult time talking to people and making friends, but you all have been so kind. you all are SO gifted, it actually fucking blows my mind that you follow me. even if we don’t interact (because i am very shy still lmao), i love seeing you on my dash.

@atsutsuki : MY WIFE!!!!!!!!! sab you’re genuinely so sweet and i love u so much even if u do like piss (i don’t kinkshame). like im so happy to have u met u this year through pappy’s server :,) ur so funny and just the best

@velvesagi : jem 😫😫😫 deadass i love u so much and i love our convos. they’re so fucking weird sometimes lmfaoooo but even if u do clown me sometimes im very happy to call u a moot and a friend :)

@tetsurolls : jade when u followed me i was like uhhhhhhhh WHAT?!?!?!!?? i was shocked lol. you’re such a lovely writer, but an even lovelier person. you’re so sweet and nice and ugh u embody best girl >:(

@lovingsuna : clare you’re so talented i just needed to get that out of the way. you’re so kind to your followers and watching you interact with others is so sweet???? you’re just SO nice that it makes me all soft

@kemochie : NEA HOLY SHIT YOU’RE SO FUNNY. i fucking love your themes so much and i think it’s so sweet of you to make @hqpostoffice. i know those letters probably brighten people’s days and for u to just make that account for fun is so nice of u. also we need to thirst about kakashi together soon.

@cafemiya : ISSY BABY OMFG YOU’RE SO FJDJCJSJ I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS. you’re so so so incredibly talented and i LOVE talking to you. like the energy you exude is so safe???? LMAO LET ME SHUT UP NOW FJFJSJ but i love u

@bjbex : bae im sorry for cheating on you 😫😫😫‼️‼️‼️ but to be serious lmao, you’re SO FUCKING TALENTED. ur femdom writings fry my brain and simply reaffirm how im not a sub. i go back and reread them all da time. ur so talented pappy ily

@kyovtani : zade baby your brain is so big and sexy. like literally all of your thoughts have me drooling. im not a fan of hard doms because im sensitive as fuck, but you got me thinking like hmmmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔 maybe that does sound nice lmao. just all of your ideas got me 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️

EEP IM GETTING LAZY NOW IM SO SORRY BUT @ ALL OF MY MOOTS IM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING/ART.

#celeste.chats #im very grateful for everything.

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matttheratking · 3 years

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matt why is this your ask box. why is it titled so.

anyways here’s my work troubles. just realized im treating your ask box like a rant box so if u dont wanna read it i dont mind

i fixed a printing problem for an old lady at work today. shes under so much stress shes gonna quit and i deadass cannot see my job there being doable without her bc im sure theyre gonna put her workload on me.

anyways the computer that has files that need printed is like, running windows xp. not even kidding. it has a program that gets readings from equipment and they dont have it hooked to the internet. old printer out, new printer in. can’t print from computer. stressin. anyways i walk her through getting the file on a thumb drive and printing it from the other computer in the office. anyways it felt nice and upper management can suck my balls if they push her to quit. shes a rlly nice lady and nothing would be wrong if my boss wasnt out with corona for the foreseeable near future >:^(

and like i feel so bad bc im 89% sure shes undiagnosed asd and they’re doing some awful unaccommodating things rn to her and i wanna punch my boss’s boss in his stupid ugly old face. because i cant even say anything. makes me wanna cry just a bit bc like shes clearly autistic and being autistic myself if they were doing that shit to me id be in tears too man. im just so angry rn.

also like??? been realizing just how fucking autistic i am and seeing her reminds me of both my mother and me and ohhhh damn id fucking deadass have a meltdown. and also just fuck capitalism i just want to study chemistry and not rlly make a whole lot of profit off of it just like. learn abt chemicals and stuff. theory. its interesting to me and legit the only reason i stopped pursuing it is bc my mom girlboss gatekept me out of chem 2 and made me take physics instead. anyways i bought more chemistry books yesterday and im gonna take some classes next semester!

I'm so glad you're gonna take classes and study your passion. I'm real sorry about your coworker and job, I'm in a real shithole of a job too!!!!!

And I will be real I do not remember what my ask box title is lmao

#I'm sure it is something stupid

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bunny-xoxo · 3 years

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Bunny’s 200 follower event

request: omg hey babe i’m so excited- can i pls get one matchup from haikyuu and one from aot? whoever you think is best and not just bc you know how much i love asahi and hange lmaooo okay so i’m bisexual with a preference for females! i am an infp and a scorpio sun, leo moon, and gemini rising (and a scorpio venus 😳). i love writing and dancing! i love kpop (i know 😔), more specifically girl groups! my favorite is the group “twice” and i would prefer to be with someone who will listen to it with me! and i’m passionate about politics and playing the violin and piano! i’m rather introverted, very intuitive, very empathetic, and and i am perceptive. (literally described my mbti i’m so sorry) i am rather awkward and can appreciate a partner who is strong where i lack. i think i would like someone who is self-assured and able to assure me despite my severe social anxiety. i would also like someone i could extend my protective tendencies to, someone who would let me take care of them. i love to cook, clean, and bake (when i’m not being forced to) and would love someone who would let me do those things for them. i’m a rather physically affectionate person and i would NOT be able to be with someone who couldn’t match my energy. if they don’t enjoy physical affection i couldn’t be with them. i would appreciate someone who could understand my need for validation and offer it without being overbearing. i’m family-oriented and am determined to build a strong, healthy family with a partner who shares the same values. i would also prefer to be with someone who can appreciate my cultures since they’re pretty big parts of who i am! i am agnostic and would prefer to be in a relationship with someone not overly religious because religion makes me uncomfortable :/ i also refuse to be with someone who does not share my progressive views. if they wouldn’t be wearing their mask over their noses and refusing to eat out during a pandemic i wouldn’t even look their way. i’ve never had a serious relationship before and would prefer someone who has been in one and understands that i need time to adapt to it. as for a physical description i’m a little on the heavier side, i’m mexican-japanese, 5’5, have pretty pale skin, and extremely dark brown hair and eyes. i have a pear shaped figure and dude i have like no tits at all. i’m wearing a b-cup rn and i don’t fill it i hate it here. i tend to wear dark colors in comfortable fashion and i prefer modern/androgynous fashion. my pronouns are she/they!

a/n: omg hi bae!!! ALSO PLS THE KPOP PART WAS SO FUNNY and these guys better watch out before I match you with myself bae 😏 okok teehee pls enjoy ❣️ anon! Also omg this took 5 years I’m so sorry I don’t have internet until the 12th so using my data is a struggle 😭 okok I hope you enjoy!

Reading your request, you have been matched with...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Mikasa Ackerman

LISTEN I think y’all would genuinely make such a good couple

Any of your interests she will sit and listen to you talk to them for literal hours and want to combust cause she thinks you look so fucking cute ranting about it it’s unreal

Sometimes you do have to take breaks ranting though cause she just wants a kiss so bad but she promises she’ll let you continue after a half hour of making out LMAO

Her favorite position to listen to you rant about k-drama is with your head laying in her lap while you look up at her so she can play with your hair and still see your face, and it makes it easier to steal a forehead kiss or too

Her second favorite though is when you’re ranting about work and you get particularly frustrated so she pulls you into her chest and runs her fingers down your back and the sides of your arms while you relax

If you can’t tell I strongly HC mikasa loves physical affection

I think its just easier for her to show you how much she cares through little gestures of affection - and she’s currently obsessed with the way your eyes close when she cups your face with both hands and rubs her thumbs across your cheeks so there’s that too LMAO

Massages‼️‼️

When you’re watching a movie and you rest your legs on her lap her hands just naturally start rubbing at your legs and if you get sleepy she just leans over and gives you a kiss on the cheek and carries you to bed and is so <3333333

Ok but she loves when she’s laying between your legs and her head rests on your chest and you play with her hair, like she’s out 5 minutes TOPS and she does drool a little but it’s ok cause she’s cute

Whenever you play the violin or piano in front of her she’s just so 😍😍😍like she will happily sit and watch you practice for hours cause she just loves how pretty you sound and how she can just feel your passion through the way you’re playing

Ok at first I think she’d have a hard time understanding why you take care of her like she’d come home and you’d have dinner already made and she’d just be 🧍🏻‍♀️...... w-what do you want from me LMAO

But I feel like she’d get use to it really fast and always appreciate the things you do for her

Now her heart gets so warm when she comes home and smells dryer sheets cause you did the laundry already, or if she hears the you blasting music she knows she’s probably gonna find you in the kitchen cooking dinner

Ok but Mikasa leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed and she’s just smirking and staring at you cook until you notice she’s there?

🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️ WHew

Omg she loves being your little taste tester while you cook and will sometimes just wait around the kitchen like 😶 until you offer her a bite and then she acts all surprised like 😯🤭 I mean ok 🤗

Ok ms quiet feet loves scaring you sorry LMAO

BUT ITS NEVER IN A teehee GOT YOU WAY

She just knows she walks quiet and she loves when she walks into a room you’re already in and you jump a little and clutch your chest she just thinks it’s the cutest thing ever

She’s one of the most appreciative people of you and adores everything about you 🖤🖤

Your vibe reminds me of...

Another suitable match for you would be...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Iwaizumi Hajime

No cause LISTEN

THis man sees you and his knees are WEAK

Idk what it is but I just know that you’re his type like

Smth about your androgynous dark fashion catches his eye

Like he deadass watches walk across whatever room you’re in like 👁👄👁 and it’s so obvious too and you’re sweating like 👀 what’s this mf WANT

And he’s a bold mf too

Straight up just goes up to you and asks for your number yes he’s getting really sweaty and definitely is stuttering and walks away feeling 🥴

But when you text him back he is so !!!!!

Okok onto the relationship sheesh

He is so patient and understanding with you it’s unreal

The type mf to make you think like,,, damn people like this exist?

The first date y’all go on he even asks if you’re ok with him holding your hand and when you say yes he literally smiles and goes “cool :)” and his hands are so warm and big compared to yours and he keeps your hand for most of the date after that lolol

Ok but listen

Y’all went to Walmart once to get some much needed groceries and this old guy wasn’t wearing his mask right, like it wasn’t covering his nose, and iwa just s t a r e d at him like 🧍🏻

And when the guy was like ???

He went “I’m just trying to figure out how stupid you must be to not know masks cover your nose, too. 😐.”

You had to get Iwa out of the aisle before he almost got into a literal physical altercation with an elderly man LMAO

But He was like :/ I’m sorry I was dramatic inside I just didn’t like it :/ once you got in the car and he was embarrassed so much for saying something to the guy ajsksdjwij

He lets you blast whatever you want on the aux when y’all are driving even if he hates what you’re playing 😭 and he would NEVER be caught dead admitting he doesn’t like what you’re playing cause you like it so much but sometimes a song comes on and he just shoots you a side look like 👀 oh nice nice LMAO

You made him breakfast once and he cried

Like he came out and you were dishing up his plate and he just went 😐😖🥲 t-thanks

He denies it to this day though

He lovvveesss making dinner with you

It’s his perfect destresser after a bad day :(((

He loves it when you fall asleep on him too like he naps with you on accident all the time cause he’s just so big and warm and when you fall asleep on him he gets so lovey and cozy that he just dozes off and at this point he just doesn’t care about his sleep schedule anymore 😭

He’s your big ol cuddle bug :)

Your vibe reminds me of...

ongomgomg im sorry this took so long 😭 I hope you like your pairings and I can’t wait to hear from you 🥺🤲🏼

And to everyone else waiting I’m finally able to start writing again but I still won’t have internet for almost another week so they might be pushed out slowly but I’m going as fast as I can 😭❣️

Love y’all!

-🐇out

#aot matchup #haikyuu matchups #🐇200 follower event❣️

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yyxgin · 3 years

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dunnae worrae bestie ❣️ life gets in the way sometimes (and responsibilities)

okay so i just liked the kind of air to love alarm? idk it just made me feel like i was somewhere else bc i felt the production quality was that high. some of it was questionable i do agree w that but also song kang is total heart-eyes 😍 and meteor garden was sweet for like a minute each episode and the rest was me groaning in agony just wishing dong shancai would snipe daoming si’s mother. shancai did so much too?? like four episodes in she won a cooking competition against a girl who had literally been professionally training to impress one of the boys ✋ but shancai literally came from almost nothing. also — i’ve never been more frustrated w a drama than meteor garden like sis was literally dirt poor, came close to being evicted twice and her parents moved back to their fisherman hometown leaving her in shanghai (i think?) to make money bc they couldn’t afford the city but she had the newest phone 🛑✋

very early on in my kpop days i had no idea who to bias or however that worked and i was like ‘well i like stray kids i’ll just buy an album’ anyway one of the pc’s i pulled was a polaroid type thing for changbin and i said to my friend wow that’s such a boyfriend picture and that’s the story of how i ulted changbin. im so blasé about so much it’s worrying sometimes 🙀🙄✌️✌️ im not too bad about watching things. i used to struggle a lot but bc i’ve trained myself to read fast enough to see the subs and then flicker to the scene on screen so i don’t get bored. i do feel sometimes as if i am following when i’m looking at my phone but realistically i shouldn’t be this bold 😬

noice!! i’m still new to adulting but i’m p sure ive been at it for longer than i think. when i was fifteen and working in a hotel i was asked if when i was finished for the summer i was going back to uni 🤡 all i keep thinking about is finally having a job again and being able to spend an entire pay check on albums ngl i haven’t impulsively bought anything recently and i’m itching to be irresponsible w my money again 🤠 i know some girls who have preordered all the versions of dream and MAN am i tempted 😭😭😭 this is getting so out of hand at this point i’m going to have to strap myself to my bed until june this is not it ☹️

i have read for nct members certain members are more popular in like eastern us? i imagine it’s to encourage trading or to buy more albums so i could only guess that’s what’s happened to me w mamamoo 😭 theyre thé only gg i am properly into. i didn’t want to be thirsting over boys all the time bc... idk i just wanted some variation so mamamoo it was! twice is too many people for now (don’t even say but nct has 23, ik ik but i was only on my second group and i refused to acknowledge more than one unit for like 7 months bc i was scared) and blackpink has like 2 songs 🤡🤡 i added this bot called zephyr to my discord server and me and my friend roll for collectible kpop cards (it’s p neat and i’ve found groups i wouldn’t have been able to find myself otherwise) and she’s helped me discover so many groups! i think i was enjoying a fromis_9 song earlier <3

i’m always having good days these days 🥺 so i hope yours was good too!! also i don’t expect you to reply to these straight away (bc they’re unnecessarily long) i just try my best to reply straight away otherwise i’ll forget i even sent sumn in the first place! ~🌻

the production quality was definitely very high with love alarm, it looked so nice and aesthetic :(( but like,,the storyline ?? when they kissed in the first ep?? i- that was it for me. i couldnt watch it any longer. my best friend finished it tho and i think she liked it,,so like-- fair.

PLEAAASE METEOR GARDEN SOUNDS SO MESSY i lowkey wanna watch it just for the shits and giggles now,,i can’t,,, like the cooking competition? that sounds like a fucking disney channel plot to a movie. i am all here for it tho

YOU HAVE A CHANGBIN POLAROID OKAY BESTIE I AM ON MY WAY TO ROB YOU NOW. DROP YOUR ADDRESS,,,DEADASS. AAAAH also i am bad at watching things to the point when i forget to turn on the subtitles sometimes and then get surprised when i dont understand a shit anD THATS when i realise somethings wrong.

i am so new to adulting pls,, this is my first part time job and i also didn’t have a bank account until literally today. i am a babie,, i couldn’t even do things by myself like i can’t fucking order for myself in the restaurant because i am socially anxious hihi. bUT i figured working with people might help me get rid of that and i am also fullfiling my childhood dream of working behind the cash register now, so that’s cool. the only thing i need now is to graduate, go to uni and do my driver’s licence and then i’ll be adulting for real imo

i am really good with money surprisingly?? i dont spend much, because i dont have money lmao and when i do i keep it because i just like the thought of having money and not the actual spending. YOUR FRIEND BOUGHT ALL THE VERSIONS OF THE DREAM ALBUM??? LOWKEY ME FDKAJ no but fr i think i’m just gonna order the boring version once i start working because it fits my aesthetic the most and i love the concept photos. also if i pull that one specific renjun photocard i might just cry my eyes out but i’ll be happy with anyone bc i literally ult the entirity of dream at this point.

ooh i dont really enjoy the sound of girlgroups i think ?? i need some noise if you know what i mean :( im not into like chill songs that much. bUT uhh i like itzy and i am gay for them pls. i also havent listened to their comeback yet so i am a fake fan i guess but i’ll fix that soon i prOMISE

i am doing well and i am also glad you are doing well !! <3 your asks make me so happy dfjka i finally dont feel as invisible on this stupid site lmao. also thanks for understanding that i dont reply that quick, but i tend to just uhh leave things be for a while ?? like i get a message and i dont always reply straight away for some reason. but yea. thank you !! <3

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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retvenkos · 3 years

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for the no context ships can i get one for the witcher? im bi so go crazy go stupid 🤪 some ??? things about me include

falling 15 ft out of a tree when i was like 7 bc i climbed it in flats even tho my dad said not too and the fact that i landed in the ONE spot clear of anything that could have punctured me has solidified my thoughts of me having terribly good luck

landing on the metal ball things ppl put on vehicles to pull trailers behind them with and getting a black eye to the point where my teacher thought my brothers hurt me?

when i was 12 i tripped on my combat boot laces bc i didnt have enough time to tie them and hit my head on the bus steps and now have a scar exactly 1 cm long and according to the doctor had it been any closer, id have issues with my eye (my right eye is literally worse than my left lmao)

in recent years ive tripped up stairs very gracefully

whenever id fall over in school id always manage to catch myself

one time when i was running out of class i rammed into another person and ended up being thrown into the lockers. all i remember was not being able to move and crying even though i was trying to talk. i didnt get any medical attention for it either

during my freshman yr i had a crush on this cute nerdy boy and convinced a friend of mine to give him a note i wrote and not to listen to me no matter how much i asked them not to give it to him. i watched him read it before banging my head on the table bc i was so embarrassed.

i found out my boy bestie liked me right before we got into quarantine and used covid to ghost him for eight months before wishing him a happy birthday.

uhhh i overshared to my teacher abt le mental illness so now hes always asking if im alright and checking in via email. its nice but i feel like such a chump

dis one isnt rly random kinda sad tbh. i never let myself truly feel any genuine emotion bc when i was younger nobody validated them so i deadass ALWAYS invalidate my feelings before anyone else gets a chance to and its such a whiplashy feeling??

ha i feel like i went in too much but there ya go, an auto biography exposing me for how mf clumsy i am

hey, hey, amirah? you deserve the world,,,,, sadly, tho,,,,,,, the world keeps giving it to you,,,,,,

my attempts at jokes suck, but MOVING ON,,,, i am setting you up with the one and only yennefer of vengerberg because there is something about the elegant one falling for the clumsy one that i adore,,,,,,,,,, plus i feel like the two of you would really just vibe and have a friends to lovers storyline going on,,,,,,,,,

#asks #mutuals #and don't feel bad about oversharing because no one does it worse than me.#but also pls..... take care...... i don't want you to go blind #i'm only legally blind in one eye and it's bad enough as is

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helreigns · 4 years

Text

ey.

alright, so. yes, it’s your boy, big z. let’s talk a bit. i don’t know where this is gonna go, but i’ll be frank with you guys: being away from this app has done wonders for me. seriously. i’ve lost weight, my skin’s better, my productivity’s increased- people say that as a meme but no, i’m serious. a few months ago i was telling my friends “I considered going back to tumblr but like, lmao. im happy so why would i?” because frankly, being on here does not make me happy.

i’m very good at curating my content, avoiding goofy bitches- a master at the craft, ik ik, but it’s not about that. i can ignore, block, and continue about my day as it was without caring much about a 19 year old who believes their a minor and an angel or some shit, w/e. the goofies aren’t even the issue. i didn’t come here with a plan on what to talk about so this is all just coming at once because i keep thinking “tumblr’s kind of the best place for a multimuse, and i know some good peeps.” that’s my thought process when considering returning, but guys. we need to address the issue: it’s hard to find this enjoyable. i certainly know it’s not just me. let me go in depth.

fiction is fiction. i don’t care what kind of writing you do, be it kink-writing, fluff, dark-fiction / darkfics, developmental, etc. people have gotten to a point where they see something they don’t like and they can’t remove themselves from the situation. with kids, it’s expected, but people into their late twenties continue to act like this-- but this isn’t my main reason why i think it’s no longer enjoyable as it was in early 2010s-- it’s cause back then, you didn’t really have to worry about your partners being two-faced. i swear people on here think they’re on some anime villain shit, i swear to god i’ve literally had a friend who made a discord server, set it up, built it up & made it for people who want to write with each other & aren’t mentally harmed by whatever topics they included noncon, dubcon, etc. don’t care- if you aren’t down to read, you don’t need to. that’s fine, it’s dandy. what happened was that someone pulled some, idk black widow shit and joined the server pretending to be a writer who enjoys darkfiction and woe and behold, they were some goofy bitch who leaked all the logs / urls -- and i gotta ask: what is the point. don’t say it’s “to warn others” cause no it ain’t bitch lmao. it’s to shame them, dogpile, & report-- let’s not get into the weird, disgusting high that these people get. feeling like they really CHANGED something in the world for “exposing” a discord full of people that deadass just wanna write fanfiction. yeah, much change, very w0ke. doge meme that stupid shit, lmao.

i know im rambling but man. okay, back to the whole two facething. i just dont feel comfortable sharing anything about myself. i’ve literally lied about my location, the place i’m living in- things as simple as me being in collage or not. why? cause goofy bitches love to dox, play games, threaten livelyhoods and talk the most fatdick game on the internet but when someone gets hurt they will crawl into a hole and pity the shit out themselves because uwu no wrong- bullshit bro. legit, i can’t make friends on here because it feels like everyone is taking screencaps of everything, not even because they themselves are twofaced, but you can’t take the risk of not having “””recipts”””. like bro, we’re having a CONVERSATION. i literally didn’t wanna give out disco/rds the last time i was here cause i felt that could be a method to dox me. stupid shit, right? it feels like this is some stupidass anime political battleground. this kinda had no point, it’s just me voicing my feelings. still, if you take anything out of this: for god sakes, leave each other alone. stop with this wannabe mean girls shit. it’s tumblr rp & it never shouldve been that deep. i absolutely don’t give a shit about “reputation” - i’m on the internet lmao, neither should you all. also, one more thing: if your friendship is conditional, then it isn’t one at all. if you believe someone will no longer be friends with you cause they find out you like to read lmao fuckin noncon? ditch. it’s not worth it. if some mf just said “if you like uhh homes/tuck, i will block you” that’s how it deadass sounds. goofy shit. that’s all, feel free to ignore, reblog, idc. stay safe

#hope everyone's good #dont see myself coming back rn possibly in the future #ill clean things up a bit #but for now? eh #ooc /#idk my tag fuck the fancy shit we're too old for it #edit: damn it really been half a year #amazing

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