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akanesheep · 1 year

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I wrote about my MC as she is to me, please don’t come for me for not writing them as gender neutral. 😥 feel free to interpret all pronouns as you wish.

My MC:

My MC is much like myself. Although she’s smaller… because I wish I were 5’2” for some reason. I’m only a few inches above that, but to me short = cute. She has fluffy soft curly hair that is a soft auburn color. She frequently dyes it all different colors though.

She’s soft spoken, and can be a bit timid with new people, but once she gets comfortable with someone, she opens up quite a bit. She’s very kindhearted, and easily gets her feelings hurt, but also very forgiving. She’s self-conscious and doesn’t see herself in the best light. This stems from the bullying and mistreatment she received in her childhood.

She’s clumsy. Like she can trip over air. She always has bruises from bumping into things, tripping on the carpets, etc. She usually has little dots of ink on her hands from writing, because she somehow manages to miss the pin cap, or bumps her hand against the end of them pen/marker somehow.

She holds little attachment to the human realm, she doesn’t care much for a place where she never felt welcome. There are a few people there she cares for, but not enough to want to be there all the time. Aside from those few individuals, if the human realm decided to end it’s existence, she wouldn’t care much.

She likes to make things, sewing, quilting, crochet, floral arranging, wreaths, painting, crafting, she loves them all… her room is always containing some work in progress, and the supplies are always neatly arranged in her closet, unless she’s currently using them.

She’s stubborn, insanely stubborn, and refuses to back down when she knows she’s right. She rushes in when her loved ones are in danger with no regard to the consequences. No matter how many times her husbands admonish her for doing so, she turns right around and does it again.

Along those lines, she defends those she loves vehemently. Don’t come to her with requests that put one of them at a disadvantage. Don’t coke to her and speak ill of those she loves, she will react poorly. This applies to her husbands also, they aren’t immune to her anger should they start trying to put themselves over the others, or just trash talk the others in general. She will hear our complaints and give her advice and if necessary, intervene, but this isn’t Jr. High, she doesn’t play games. All of those involved are adults and they knew what this was when they chose to be involved.

She listens, calm and patiently. Whether it’s Levi on a rant about a game or anime, Mammon about his schemes, Lucifer letting off steam, Satan on a tangent, Diavolo’s excited gushing about a plan… you get it. She only interrupts to ask a question, or to ward Mammon off a particularly bad idea. Otherwise, she lets them talk it out of their system. She loves talking with all of them, hearing their thoughts, wants, and dreams.

She believes in them wholeheartedly, she sees each and every one of their individual worth.

When she loves, she loves deeply. It takes a lot to shake her devotion. Because of this, her past is littered with failed relationships. Those who would fill their time with her and then be done with her. Those who would abuse her until she found the strength to leave. Those who would just abandon her when she needed them the most. Due to this she fears betrayal and abandonment, she’s anxious, and fears each argument will lead to her being left alone. She has trust issues, but is still more trusting than she should be.

She doesn’t fully believe in hearing ‘I love you’ so she needs to be shown. She doesn’t fully believe in acts of love so she needs to hear ‘I love you’. She knows this is a huge contradiction, but doesn’t know how to resolve it.

She desires a protector and defender. To be protected from and defended against the pain she has suffered and those that would bring more to her. She doesn’t seek fame, glory, and isn’t on a quest for power. She simply wishes for happiness for herself and those she loves. She can’t but to meddle and try to help those around her.

She is very self-sacrificing. She’ll give whatever it takes to make those around her happy, even if it means giving her life. Her final thoughts as Belphie took her life were ��I guess if it brings him peace, I can die…’

That doesn’t mean she was ‘ok’ with what happened. She had to take time to be comfortable around him being in the same room, much less alone… but she knew that Belphie was someone who in his own twisted way, had opened up some to her, and was hurting in his own ways. She decided to try to believe in the love he had for his sister, and the faith his brothers put into him.

She’s self-depreciating at times… she knows being poly isn’t the ‘norm’ in the human world… and until she found herself in the Devildom, she wouldn’t have believed she was poly. In those early days of finding herself falling for the brothers, as well as Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, and Solomon, she cursed herself and cried regularly, memories of untrue accusations of being a ‘whore’ or ‘slut’ would ring in her mind… except now, wasn’t it true? Is that what she was? She struggled immensely with this, even as she continued to fall deeper into her depression. She broke one night while Asmo was doing her nails, as he happily chattered about his day, and their plans for a date the next day, how they’d have outfits that complemented each other perfectly, etc. she felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks.

‘MC?’ Asmo questioned, looking concerned, ‘Oh my lamb, what is it?’

‘Asmo… I’m horrible… I’m a terrible person’ her voice shook as the tears increased, poring now down her face.

He pulled her to his lap, words of gentle admonishment regarding her words, and comfort slipping from his lips and he held her. ‘Talk to me MC, tell me what this is all about. I need to know why you feel this way’

‘Asmo, I can’t… you’ll hate me’

He chuckled softly, only a whisper of it escaping his lips as he pressed soft kisses to the side of your face, then turning you to face him. ‘Nonsense, nothing in this world could ever make me hate you’

‘You will, because I’m disgusting’

‘Love, you’re sounding like Levi…’ he teased, lifting her chin gently. ‘Now enough of that, tell me what is going on, I can’t understand if you don’t tell me’

Sobbing, she looked at his honey eyes, his face worried, and whispered her darkest truth, ‘I love you, but not just you… I’m in love with your brothers too…’ she looked away, ashamed and waiting for the inevitable explosion of anger and words like blades.

Instead he laughed…a gentle chiming laugh that he only used when he hears something he already knew. ‘Little lamb… did you honestly think I didn’t know? Me?’ He turned you to face him again. ‘Lovely, I’ve known since the beginning. I’m the avatar of Lust. Emotions like lust, and love, are my domain.’

‘But Asmo, I’m wrong, something in me is broken’

‘Why is that?’

‘Because I love all of you… that means I’m a whore’

Asmo scoffed offended ‘Does that mean you see me as a whore?’

‘Of course not!’ Her eyes look panicked, fearing she’s said the wrong thing again.

His eyes remained soft and gentle as he cupped your face. ‘Then why would you be?’

‘B-because I’m not supposed to…’

‘Says who?’

‘Everyone’ she gestured around her, then her voice lowered to a whisper, ‘Even if you aren’t, they hate me for the thought’

Knowing her past, Asmo sighed softly. He cupped both of her cheeks and wiped her tears away. ‘I’m going to tell you something about the Devildom, as well as demons, that I thought you already knew. We’re a polygamous society. Monogamy isn’t encouraged or discouraged, and the same is true of polygamy. I’m sure you realized that most of the female demons here are succubi? Did you think that just changes when they settle down?’

She looked at him, quietly crying as she listened. She shook her head at his question. Of course they didn’t, they’re succubi.

‘See? And me? I’m the avatar of lust after all. While I’m not an incubus, I still feed on the lust of those around me, as well as the lust and love of those I’m intimate with.’

‘But what about other demons that aren’t succubi or incubi’

‘Well if most females are succubi, that would imply they have multiple partners, yes? So do incubi… but rarely are they in a relationship with each other… their lusts and passion would feed into the others drives and only make them more hungry. So they seek actual partners that aren’t either.’

‘Do you have other partners’ she asks blushing.

‘You and Solomon are my only ‘partners’’ he said firmly, ‘however, I have had casual relationships when you are both away, to keep myself from becoming too hungry. Think of it like Beel’s hunger. If he doesn’t ‘eat’ he goes on a rampage. While I wouldn’t destroy buildings or eat furniture, I could cause a lot of issues if I don’t stay in balance’

She nodded, understanding the demon in front of you in a new light.

‘But your brothers aren’t incubi’

‘No, they aren’t. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t able to understand and love just as much. I can assure you that any conversation you have with them won’t be a closed-minded one’

‘How do you know?’

Asmo laughs softly and pulls you to him, ‘Still afraid little Lamb? Let me as you this… do you think that even as large as this house is, that we don’t know when you’ve intimate with one of us? As shy as you are, the adorable sounds you make aren’t what one could consider quiet’

She blushes deep red. ‘N-no… that’s so embarrassing…’

‘Eh? Not at all.’ He teases, ‘Despite this, and how much we notice the marks on your neck, have any of us confronted you or said anything to you or each other?’

‘N-no?’

‘There you have it. We also know when you’ve been with any of the others outside the house as well’

‘What?? How?!’

‘Silly,’ he pets your hair as he teases you, ‘ Lee can smell it on you when you come home’

‘Oh God’ she cries, mortified, she covers her face.

‘Such language’ scolds Asmo, acting horrified, ‘to think my girlfriend would bring up Father’s name when I’m right in front of her’

The dramatic teasing pulls her back from her embarrassment.

‘Asmo, what do I do?’

‘Do? Love, whatever do you mean?’

‘I mean, now… what do I do knowing what I know, and knowing what you all know?’

‘Nothing. Live happily and let us care for you. Live in the knowledge that you are loved and will always be loved.’

She does just that. She does have conversations with all of them at some point, because her mind needs concrete proof that everyone is in agreement. She learns that Mammon and Levi go through jealous bouts, but don’t question her love for them, and want this to continue. Even Diavolo is fully on board. Which surprised her, with the royal bloodline and all. Turns out the complication wasn’t so complicated at all.

She feels unworthy of all the love she’s showered with, but she’s also happier than she’s ever been in her life. She doesn’t know what she’s done to deserve such joy, but she refuses to part with any of them. Perhaps it’s the influence of her lovers through the pacts she shares with them… but she takes pride in them, greedily wants to spend time with them, gets envious if they talk to others, gets angry on their behalf, loves and desires them always, revels in their love like Beel at a buffet, relishes in the time she can just be there with them comfortably.

She’s prideful, greedy, envious, wrathful, lustful (and loving), gluttonous, and lazy… with some chaos, diligence, patience, loyalty, and grace mixed together. She is my MC.

I hope you all enjoyed this. I’ve really been wanting to in some way show you all my MC, but my art abilities suck. So I gave you an imperfect narrative.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me!#obey me mc #Akanesheep #my mc #embarrassed sheep noises

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netherfeildren · 1 year

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I feel like the reason Joel won’t initiate the divorce with Eva is because she kinda seems like the person that even if she already has one foot out the door as soon as Joel says okay let’s get a divorce she’ll switch up her story to I’m trying to be a good mother why won’t you let me and play victim and will drag it out. But if he lets her be the one to leave then she’ll actually leave and it’ll be over quick and less painful for Sarah (??? Maybe I’m wrong but idk that’s what I was kinda thinking)

I love that you all are able to see her character in your own light. That's very much what I wanted to establish her as... this sort of like... I don't know, idea that can be many things, or molded into whatever it is that the person is reading needs or feels her to be based on their own experiences. I want her to be for you whatever it is you feel or need her to be.

I don't know if that makes sense, and I don't think I even have a clear cut answer in regards to her motivations honestly. She just kind of is -- if that makes sense. I will say however that the inspiration for her came from, yes, my own experiences, but also this reddit thread I read recently of this man complaining about his wife who'd recently given birth to their child. The woman had always been of the very sure opinion that she never ever wanted to have children and he sort of strong armed her into having a child with him after their marriage and so after the baby was born the woman was having a really hard time with postpartum depression and with connecting with the baby -- basically she wanted nothing to do with it. Now, the situation I've created in someone's wife is nothing like that. There was never ever any coercion on Joel's part when Eva got pregnant -- it was a one night stand that resulted in an unexpected/unwanted pregnancy but for whatever reason, be it fear of termination or what have you, she decides to keep it. But I guess my intention was with that reddit lady in mind who's feelings were entirely valid, and even to a point, expected. The loser was basically asking for advice in the thread on what he could do to get her to connect with the baby and everyone was telling him off in the comments, rightfully so. And so yeah, there's this child now that exists and deserves everything any other child deserves, and that is the most important thing, but her feelings are also real.

So I suppose the idea of a woman who has a baby for whatever reason, and doesn't end up wanting it or connecting with it, and not like in an ill intentioned manner or anything, but something that is just circumstance, unavoidable, shit happens sort of thing, was interesting to me. Something that I think happens a lot more than people talk about for fear of censure or criticism or whatever. And of course, the situation is again not the same at all, Eva is very much negligent towards Sarah, and that was my own choice when crafting her. Not so much to give an excuse, per se, to Joel and MC's affair, but just something else I wanted to explore. Like I said previously, I ask more questions in this story than I think I come to answers at the end. I leave it all up to your own interpretation, and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I love this sort of discussion with you all so much 💗

#someone's fic #vic replies #cw pregnancy

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maxdes · 3 years

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13. "I didn't mean to say that but yeah, I love you" For Tabitha my wife please🥺❤

You asked for fluff but I give you ANGST. Sorry, anon, but I don't make the rules. This is also the last of the fluffy/non smut asks so I'm gonna save those for later.

You're sitting in the dark of the living, lacing up your boots. You feel weighed down in your seat, a sinking, dreadful feeling consuming your insides. Your chest is tight and tears burn at the back of your eyes. It hurts but you have to go before you cause any more damage.

"Where are you going?"

You glance up to see Tabitha step off the last step of the staircase. You turn away from, shielding yourself from the concern that adorns her features as you wipe a few stray tears. You don't answer her, instead focusing back on your boots.

"You're just gonna leave?"

You sigh and pause what you're doing to glance up at her. "This isn't easy for me, Tabitha…"

"But it is. Just don't go." She appears before you, dropping to her knees and taking your hands in hers.

It's difficult to look at her, with her bottom quivering and her eyes welling with tears of her own. "Tabitha -"

"Please, I love you!"

You stop, your heart racing a million miles a minute. No, you think. Not now. Not when I have to go. "You… you love me?"

She drops her gaze to the floor, though her grip on your hands tightens. "I didn't mean to say that but yes, I love you." She looks up at you, clear resolve etched on her features. "So stay, please."

You squeeze your eye closed, finding it impossible to look at her as you do what needs to be done. You pull your hands away from hers and raise them to cup her face before you lean forward and press a long, hard kiss to her forehead. You don't kiss her on the lips, you can't, because you know if you did, you wouldn't have the courage to leave.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. It's not what you want to say and it's a poor excuse for what you should say. I love you too. But it's the best you can do.

Your mind made up and your boots laced, you get to your feet. Tabitha's quiet sobs follow you to the front door and as much as it pains you to do so, you leave. You walk away. And your heart shatters.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

#ill leave the mcs reasons up to interpretation #once again #excuse my illiteracy #im a tired man #ch: tabitha #tournament of souls #max answers #prompts

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jiminrings · 3 years

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what happened to mc after that?? JUNGKOOK I WILL WHOOP YO FUCKING ASS

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

the aftermath of stem koo breaking senior!y/n's heart

"do you need anything from us?"

yoongi asks you for the fifth time in the twenty minutes you've been home, heart breaking from the inside out when you haven't moved a single inch

he is begging that the thing you need from him and jin is to go beat j*ngkook up

HE CAN'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME WITHOUT BEING ANGRY AT HIM!!!!!!!

anything. anything to atleast make you sleep in peace tonight.

or them honestly,, either way

your body's facing the backrest of the couch and maybe that's for the better, because that way, seokjin won't feel the need to cry looking at the coldest person he's known to be openly vulnerable

you're still wearing your jersey!!! your stained dirty jersey that you've been in for the past three hours and the reason that it's still wet was that you've been using it to wipe your tears all the way to the dorm

"no. i'll be alright."

you mumble for the fifth time out of the five times you've been asked, and yoongi just has to grapple at his fist because he knows that being frustrated wouldn't help

you are the fURTHEST thing from okay

to be honest, it was only a miracle that you told the two of them what happened in the first place

it was in between sobs that you asked them why they were friends with you and they couldn't be anymore dumbfounded

it was in between violent tears that you mentioned hyeji that seokjin looked for a box of tissues because you've been intentionally rubbing your eyes raw

it was in between heaving that you said that no one wants to go the extra mile for me that yoongi started holding your cheeks and trying to get you to breathe with him in his panic too

it was in between hiccups that you uttered that no one wants to walk me home and that's when both of yoongi's and seokjin's throats started tightening, the dots hazy yet aligning nonetheless

it was in silence when you told that jungkook said that no one likes me, and that's when out of the three of you in the room – you're the one who's the calmest.

"okay. i'll bring you a blanket."

yoongi leaves it at that, standing from his spot on the floor to walk over to the kitchen where the blankets cLEARLY aren't there

no one really prepared yoongs for this

no one really is

there isn't a manual on how to act when the dearest friend that you have is crying their guts out for the first time

he can't explain his close bond with you and he's always seen you as his platonic girlfriend!!! his platonic girlfriend who has a bond with him that's closer than a sister's, more understanding than a mother's, and the utter admiration more than a friend's

you r literally yoongi's (platonic) soulmate and he would die on that hill

he would rather subject himself to torture via having to stay in a freshman's dorm equipped with the de facto led strip lights everyday!!! every single day, than to see you like this :(((

"what do you have on the bitch?" yoongi doesn't spare his words when he sits on the kitchen stool next to jin's figure

the dude is sTANDING and that means business

jin doesn't feel a single ounce of regret fetching his work laptop and scrolling through the files and tabs he has on every single student on campus, eyes only looking for one lee hyeji that's contributed to your anguish rn

jungkook is atleast 3/4 in this equation and seokjin will get to him of course

no one makes his emotional support best friend cry and nOT pay the consequences for it!!!!

in another life, vincenzo cassano's character is based on seokjin and the events in his life that definitely happened >:(

"she's daddy's money. can't fucking believe that sHE'S representing the school," he sighs in genuine annoyance, but not loud enough to pique your attention as he turns the screen so yoongi could clearly see her headshots, "must be a diversity hire. every university needs a fucking bimbo, apparently."

you see,,, yoongi would've SNORTED at that but now is not the time!!! he is still planning discreet retribution to avenge you!!!!

jin lets yoongi look at hyeji's entire file, wanting to get even the smallest bits even if the information he's taking in is against his will

he'll immediately delete whatever he learns about her right after it's served its purpose

"just messaged the faculty groupchat," seokjin himself didn't imagine the words coming out from his lips determinedly, but he knows that he's willing to do anything for the sake of this, "been crushing on jeon ever since the start of last semester. philosophy professor thinks it's because he once saw jungkook lending her a pen when they were in the topic of soulmates."

jesus christ

now THAT'S just annoying ://

this

whatever this is

seokjin and yoongi don't know what they're digging all this information for

they don't know what this unspoken plan is for, or if they even have a plan in the first place

if jin were to tell the faculty gc about this???

absolute mayhem

but he knows for a fact that they'd hate star student jungkook easily within a tap of a finger

the philosophy prof would lose all sense of rationality and reasoning and INSTANTLY point to jungkook as an asshole!!! no questions asked!!!! no elaborations!!!!

"i could get jeon eliminated from all the academic listings he's in."

jin pipes in at the silence that he and yoongi share, both listless in this situation that they never expected to encounter with you

"i could always spread a rumor and make him unlikeable."

yoongi toys with the rings that he wears, a heavy exhale tearing away from him

they could think of a thousand other ways to get back at jungkook!!! they literally can

seokjin knows a contract guy who leaves shredded paper with his contract's initials written on red ink (for a base fee of three dollars, he can switch up the ink for you!!!) right next to their side on the bed

yoongi knows a guy whose modus operandi is to discreetly follow people, have subliminals playing in the background (for an extra fee of ten dollars, he'll use wireless bass-boosted speakers), and continue doing so until the desired message is achieved!!!!

none of the people they have connections to could employ the same amount of pain he's caused on you

there's literally nothing that could hit home with jungkook besides you.

but there's no way to do that and even in your state of anger and sadness tHEN utter vulnerability, you can't even really think of hurting jungkook in the way he did

because you know and yoongi knows and seokjin knows and everyone knows that you aren't the type to wish ill

you admit that sometimes you're unavailable but you don't want that to be an asshole-reason to make everyone else around you suffer in the same way you do

the people around you aren't your shock absorbers!!!! that's why you hang out a teddy bear on your doorknob when you're mad so that neither yoongi or jin would have the possibility to be caught in your rage

that's why you call for a break when your soccer team is out of their game and make everyone drink their electrolytes before they speak to you!!!!

that's why you have the old heart of your even older build-a-bear stuffie in your pocket, one of the only reminders that your childhood even happened, one that you'd squeeze between your fingers in any remotely anxious instances that you find yourself in

jungkook's words hit home and it put you into a spiral if you even had one in the first place

your parents divorced when you were young and it's just that,,, no one from the two of them wanted you because you were the reminder of the other parent

you're a place marker for when a commitment started and ended and god did it make you grow up quickly

your aunt raised you!!!! she's an angel and she's the maternal figure in your life that you'd always be grateful for

you love her all the same and as much as you didn't wanna relate yourself to your parents in the same way that they don't, the feelings of being unliked hit you ever so often

lol it's quite a dashing mindset you have but you can't see any other interpretation you should employ

you leave before they could leave you.

it's not really as dramatic as it sounds

BUT IT COULD BE

there's always obligatory groupchats for projects and you're the first one to leave it instead of awkwardly waiting out for the conversation to dwindle and then leave one by one

when you and yoongi argue, you leave before he attempts to get the last word in

when jin is about to ask if you want to split the bill, you're already putting more than half of your share on the table

it's a nagging feeling of not wanting be unwanted in every situation you're in, but you aren't all that sure of wHAT you'd do to be liked

the only thing you could think of are lunchboxes, and even that gets taken away from you.

does no one really like you??

you're shifting in your position before you know it and the lone sound makes jin and yoongs come to your side immediately, looking at you in concern

you're looking up and you could just fEEL your eyes are puffy and even the light's hurting them

"i need to sleep."

"o-oh! m'kay, sure. i'll carry you to bed, let's go," seokjin wastes no time in responding, about to hook his arms underneath you when you repeat yourself again

you only chuckle but it's the driest and most painful they've ever heard, wincing when they can hear how breathless it was

"no. i mean i need to sleep."

jin blinks once

yoongi blinks twice

right

they get it now

you don't want to sleep, and you really can't, but you need it

"i'll get it!!" jin volunteers to grab what you need, leaving yoongi with you

oh god you could fEEL that he's going to cry

what a big baby ://

seokjin comes bearing the joint :D

he's about to light it for you because he knows that three specific short hits would lull you to slumber then knock you out cold for like a day lmao

he minored in chemistry actually but he cAN'T explain shit on why that's your body's reaction

you're all-good for literally anything besides three short hits lmao

yoongi was about to scold jin because he lights it and tHEN he's the one who takes the first drag, but there's an assuring wave of his hand

how romantic

jin just blew you a heart

they can't get anything from you besides the slight crinkling from your eyes but they don't mind at all — your eyes are atleast one degree less sad

you take your turn and even pass it to yoongi but he rEFUSES,,,,, not the least bit dejected that he decided not to because he wants to watch over you instead and not see every inanimate object with cartoon eyes on them while watching over you

"bake her a cookie if in case she suddenly gets hungry in the middle of her sleep. sneak a carrot in it or something," jin reminds yoongi and he's sERIOUS about the recipe, holding you in tow as he makes the way to your room

yoongi's about to break out the bowls, freezing in his steps when he hears the doorbell frantically ring

oh god

the ONE time that they didn't plug the door with a wet towel and now it's probably the hall manager outside about to do an inspection

that is not..... the hall monitor

that is a fucking asshole

jungkook's been pacing on his heels, his knocking loud enough to wake up the entire hallway at this point

he's SWEATING and he's not even wearing his hoodie

the door finally opens and the words start tumbling out of his mouth

"good evening. i-i wanna explain myself and-..."

that is not,,,,, you

it's his senior that he's disrespected probably too many times

yoongi leans to the door, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face that the junior's never seen before

"you ever had a sandwich before, jungkook?"

"w-what?"

the younger boy stammers, his eyes following yoongi's actions of looking behind him out of worry and then going outside to join him by closing the door softly without noise

yoongi only snorts, not even sure if he's up for conversation

"hyeji's never packed you a sandwich before?"

jungkook pales at the mention, mouth drying when he sees yoongi bring up the soft smile that doesn't comfort him at all

"the one that's all knuckle?"

#WHAT DO WE THINK BESTIES :D WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT #stem koo #jungkook imagine #jungkook imagines #jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshots #jungkook drabbles #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook au #jungkook angst #jungkook angst imagine

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thoughtsonpoldark · 2 years

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I would love your interpretation of Ross and Elizabeth’s meeting at Sawle churchyard and especially Ross’ thoughts afterwards. I did not like the way the meeting was written (in the series). With Ross outright saying George had no proof the child was his (Ross’). I didn’t think Heidi Reed was angry enough in the scene. And the excessively romantic looks Ross gives her. But mostly Ross’ thoughts to himself afterward (in the novel). Ross decides not to tell Demelza of the meeting and thinks by “telling the confidence would have got itself twisted up and become an attempt to reassure Demelza of SOMETHING HE DID NOT BELIEVE HIMSELF. Is the something he is referring to the type of love he has for Elizabeth and saying it is not the same as his love for Demelza ? He does not believe this? Is Ross ever honest about his feelings?

Hey there,

The meeting at Sawle Church yard is so meaty. There is much to get into with it and I intend to attempt this at some point. It obviously gave more context on their night together, it was an opportunity for them to make peace, for us to know a bit more about how they felt about each other and to fire up the paternity deception storyline and the idea that would eventually lead to Elizabeth's death. Together with a couple other scenes in The Four Swans it is one of the reasons that it is my favourite book. I agree with your comments that the television adaption presented it quite different from the book. Their meeting was charged with anger and that element was missing. It was exchanged for what seemed like a meeting of two people setting aside a forbidden, sacrificed but ongoing love.

The question you raised regarding the line about Ross reassuring Demelza on SOMETHING HE DID NOT BELIEVE HIMSELF’’ has been put and sent to me in emails on a number of occasions. I definitely think I would like to do a piece on this now. I do feel the confusion arises from people automatically making the assumption that this thought of his refers to something he said about Elizabeth and his feelings for her, instead of something else.

If you look back over their confrontation/reconciliation at the end of Warleggan you will see it was in two parts. As Demelza pressed Ross about why she was defending Elizabeth they had an argument stemming from her admission about McNeil which she raised to be fully honest but also to make her point. Ross reacted badly and the conversation turned argumentative. It was Ross's comment implying he did not believe she did not gratify Mc Neil that prompted her to storm upstairs, pack her bags and leave. As Ross tried to coax her back into the house he was panicked and no longer angry. He explained that he had said what he said out of jealousy and anger "But of course I don't want you to think that could be my eventual belief." (That she had gone further with McNeil and gratified him.)

It turned out that the damage from Ross's comment had been done as Demelza was distressed and was reluctant to accept his invitation back into the house because his comment had hit a nerve which I guess she felt highlighted fault on her side. She said she couldn't forgive herself for this and she still had to be reluctantly persuaded to go back in to the house.

The rest of their interaction after the burst beer casket centred around Demelza's hesitancy and her feeling she had been exposed in a 'disagreeable light'. Ross said 'No such ill light exist. I assure you.' The writing is superb in how the dynamic of their talk had shifted from Ross being the guilty one to Demelza feeling guilty from Ross's allegation which he had tried to retract and in a sense was trying to reassure her that he had never really meant. Then he was asking her if they could just forget what had passed and he referred to her as his loyal and sweet Demelza before they agreed to stay up together that Christmas Eve.

So without expanding further I think Ross's comment in general terms referred to the general hazards of arguments and things that could be said in the heat of one, which could include things they did not really mean and which have to be undone/retracted. But also it really did relate to his actual experience of this in this scene, starting from a discussion on Elizabeth and his off key comment being the trigger for Demelza nearly leaving him that night. It is my view this is the kind of thing Ross was referring to and not at all that all he had said on his feelings for Elizabeth was the ‘something’ he didn't really believe, and therefore the lie. Graham includes too much narrative and his own personal comments on the story to support that Ross had been honest with his feelings after the night with Elizabeth which did genuinely trigger a change in his feelings for her. I do think thereafter he was more aware and honest about his feeling.

I hope this perspective helps.

#poldark #romelza #winston graham #ross poldark #demelza poldark #demelza #poldark blogs #ross x demelza

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om-headcanon · 4 years

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imagine several months have passed since the exchange program, the bros are asked by diavolo to go to the human world and investigate a rumor about a demon unlawfully making humans fall into temptation. how would they react when the find out that the perpetrator was mc, who used to be human? (make it angsty and extra painful please and thank you, i lov ur headcanons)

hey!! honestly i kinda struggled trying to figure out how i should make this ~super angsty~ and i was slightly confused in how to interpret this prompt, so i hope my interpretation is satisfactory! this is such a clever prompt, thank you! (and thank you for supporting me!!)

[for this headcanon, lets assume that upon turning into a demon, its hard for mc to access memories from being human... and that their demon form isnt as human as the brothers. also i didnt know how dark you wanted it but tw for blood and death/violence descriptions!]

lucifer

with trust, diavolo sends his best companion to investigate the mystery

he studies the day before on recent locations to get an idea of where this demon might be

he leaves the house early next morning heading to the last known location of the demon

it stood as if it were searching for yet another victim to tempt, and lucifer decided to make it known of his presence

“there is no way i, lucifer, could lose to something you, so maybe itd be wise to admit youve lost”

but allowing the demon to hear his name was a mistake, as it screaming his name sent him flying an acre

the only time he has ever felt power that strong was from your pact

it became very clear to him that not only you were the corrupted demon that stood before him, but also the pact you two shared was not tainted

lucy knew he was at an unfair disadvantage, but his pride couldnt let him flea

“end me right here if you must, mc, but at least ill die fighting”

mammon

hes terrified, but since lucifer is busy, he decided to handle it for him

he sent a few of his crow familiars to investigate where the demon was last, and proceeded to go to that location

“hey, uh, i dont think its wise for ya to be tempting humans, yanno”

upon meeting, he realises theres something off... he almost feels connected to it

but he decides to ignore the feeling

until he notices the demon wearing a ring he once gave you

mammon knew you felt familiar

but he learned fairly quickly the familiarity wasnt mutual when the demon punched his chest hard enough to shatter some ribs

you didnt care enough to fight him any more, and for some reason, that hurt him more

“i thought youd be the one to never hurt me”

leviathan

originally he didnt want to go, but then he realised this could be like a video game where you kill demons but in real life

that made him quite excited

in fact, he has a game like that (not shocking) and so he believed his experience could come to use

he used methods he learned from the game

levi left a trail of common human items to lure the demon to where he was

it was quite successful but not in the way he planned, as the demon stood behind him snarling

“woaaah- ah... wait...”

he noticed the demon wearing what resembled a ruri chan friendship bracelet he made for mc

he held its hand to get a better view and ensure thats really what it was

“mc... that cant be you in there...”

the demon pulled away from him abruptly and ended up slinging levi 20 feet across the ground

he couldnt tell what hurt more... his back from the impact, or the fact he lost his only friend

satan

hes way too excited about this

he gets to be a detective AND punish the demon in question once he finds them? this is like a dream to him

it shouldnt be difficult because theres no way he could lose a fight being one of the most powerful demons

satan follows a trail of footsteps that seem to accurately match the descriptor diavolo gave him

to his surprise, the demon was already there

satan feels as if hes solved the case, but he still has to take the demon back to custody

“look, sorry but im going to have to kill you. if you want, you can cause trouble and make this more fun for me when i torture you.”

the demon turns to his direction and he sees a faded pact mark of his on skin that used to be human

“no...”

satan tried backed away but the demon managed to pierce through his stomach with its finger

hes never once shown any hostility towards you... but he now knows youre really not you anymore

and as he lay on the ground coughing up blood, he regrets showing peace

asmodeus

he really doesnt want to do this, but because asmo is capable of charming, diavolo thought hed be the best fit for this expedition

all of the reports regarding the demon making humans fall into their temptation were from the same location, so he heads there

he sits on a curb in the near vicinity waiting for any sign of movement

when he hears the sound of growls approaching, asmo puts down the majolish magazine he was reading and gets up with a smile

“wow, a fiesty one are you! we cant have you causing more damage so if youd just look into my eyes, thatd be wonderful!”

asmos smile falls when he notes how familiar those eyes are

“mc...? i- how? how did this-“

with no effort, you slash his chest with your claws and he falls onto the ground bleeding

he never could charm you, could he...

beelzebub

because of beels excessive strength, diavolo thought sending him to handle the demon would be best

he packs a good 125 snacks to take with him

he laughed to himself on the way, thinking about how the last time he willingly walked into a battle was the war

“oh-“

lost in his daydream, he ended up walking into the demon he was looking for

the smell was all too familiar, and he quickly made the connection regarding who this demon was

“mc! i missed you so much”

almost as if he forgot the circumstances, he tried to hold you in a hug

the demon reacted suddenly and aggressively, throwing beel to the ground

he would have taken more damage if he didnt offer some of his food as a peace offering

regardless, the blow to the back didnt hurt as much as his heart did watching all that was left of both his sister and you walk away forever

belphegor

the only reason he went through with investigating was to satisfy his own curiosity, not because diavolo wanted him too

he went to the human world himself to the location of the last known incident and waited

he walked around a bit before he saw a demon sleeping on the curb

one thing about belphie is he always remembers how someone looks when they sleep

“theres no way this is mc...”

belphies voice startled the demon awake and it started fighting as a result, puncturing his chest and leading him to fall to the ground

“i killed you once and ill kill you again if i have to!”

thats something he never thought hed say and his eyes water as his heart aches knowing the one he once loved stands in front of him like this

blood rushing out his heart, he decides to use his twin telepathy one last time

“goodbye, beel...”

#ahhh not my best >:#sorry this took so long!#ive been having trouble focusing #i hope that was alright?#im sorry if this isnt what you intended in your prompt!!#obey me #obey me headcanon #lucifer headcanon #belphie headcanon #mammon headcanon #beel headcanon #asmo headcanon #satan headcanon #levi headcanon

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valkyrieofsmut · 3 years

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Boys reaction to their S/O sending them a text saying they are a parent now and not responding to text or calls for a bit till they arrive home with a bunch of cat/dog stuff and a cat/dog. Turns out a coworker bought the cat/dog but could no longer/did not want to take care of it anymore and pushed it onto mc. As mc tries to get rid of it they fall in love with it and can’t get rid of it.

"Sooooo... You're a parent, now..." That's what the message said; "you're a parent, now." Nothing else, no explanation, no nothing! What the heck! Who would do something like this?! Only one person the skeleton could think of; (Y/n)... The problem really is... THEY'RE NOT ANSWERING THEIR FUCKING PHONE TO EXPLAIN THIS BULLSHIT!!! What the hell is going on?!

Classic- He's kinda panicking internally. He doesn't know what to do...! He goes to Grillby's and... drinks... When he gets back, he's not tipsy or anything, it was just a couple of drinks to clear his skull, but he can't help feeling like he's going to pass out. He opens the door and sees (Y/n) laying on the couch. Their face appears above the couch and they quickly sit up with a sheepish grin. "H-hi, Sans... Say hello to your son..." An adorable, gangly puppy jumps off the couch and runs to him as (Y/n) starts babbling, "see, my coworker found out they were allergic to dogs, and..." Relief fills him. This will be funny later- key word being "later".

Creampuff- He's very confused. It can't actually be his child; they'd have to do things to make that happen on purpose... Did- did (Y/n) cheat on him?! Was he not fulfilling their needs? (Y/n) gets back from work to him crying. Worry fills them and they rush to him, kneeling down and asking what's wrong as they rub their hands over him to comfort him. Suddenly someone is licking his skull, and he looks up, surprised! And confused... "Uh, so, I'm sorry- just; my coworker's dog had puppies, and we managed to get the other two homes, but we couldn't find one for this little guy, and they couldn't keep him, and I didn't want him to end up at the pound, so..." He's so happy, listening to (Y/n) ramble about how they couldn't think of anything else to do, and he feels a bit silly for even thinking they'd cheat on him, they were obviously too kind and loving for that!

Red- What- what the hell?! Why was (Y/n) not answering any of his calls or texts?! He can't stand it- he has to find them! He shortcuts to their work- they left already. He shortcuts to where they usually stop and pick up a soda or whatever to destress on the way home- not there. He shortcuts back home, pacing the perimeter, until, he finally sees them! He's standing right in front of the car when they park, waiting for some damn answers! Neither says anything as (Y/n) exits the car and goes around to the other side, opening the back door and grabbing something, eyes never leaving his. A young looking dog jumps out of the car, its almost squareish head turning to look at him, ears perking. He glares at the dog suspiciously, and the dog looks up at (Y/n), sensing their nervousness, and checking for clues on if this new person is to be trusted. "Um... So, my coworker's apartment building has a ban on pit bulls, and, they really don't usually do well in shelters and stuff because of the stigma against them- really, you have a lot in common!" "yeah? what's that?" "Pit bulls are assumed to be violent, and aggressive, and ill tempered, but they're really just these big, protective cuddle bugs who are smart, and love their people. Also... I love both of you..." He gives in, though he does try to make it seem like he's putting up a fight.

Edge- Why- why the hell would he get a message like that?! He is irritated (and nervous), waiting for (Y/n) to get back, arms crossed and foot tapping. When the door opens and (Y/n)'s sheepish head pops out from around the doorway, he gives a glare that leaves no room for interpretation of how he's feeling. "Don't be mad..." He lifts a browbone. "AND WHY SHOULD I NOT BE MAD?" "Ok, so my coworker's aunt has health issues, and can't take care of her cat anymore, and it hates my coworker- she said it won't even let her be in the same room with it-" "THAT'S REDICULOUS; AN ANIMAL AS SMALL AS A CAT IS NOT INHERENTLY INTIMIDATING, AND YOU CANNOT LET THE ANIMAL DICTATE YOUR HOUSE." "R-right... Anyway... She brought the cat to work and was trying to get a new home for-" Edge's glare hardens. "But the cat ran! And- and terrorized the whole place, and ran up to the ceiling in the files-!" He's still not saying anything, and (Y/n) gets nervous. "And I was the only one that could get close, and that didn't get hissed at-!" There's a pause as (Y/n) steels their nerves and steps fully into the room, showing a pile of fur in their arms. "And since I was the only one that could be around the cat without getting hurt, they all decided to send it home with me..." Edge eyes the fluffy, unpleasant looking beast in (Y/n)'s arms, glaring at the animal, who glared back, then sat down in his favorite wingback chair. The fluffy monstrosity leaped from (Y/n)'s arms, a little unwieldy, but landing perfectly naturally, and struts up to the chair Edge is sitting in, leaping lightly into his lap and plopping down before unceremoniously sticking a back leg in the air and beginning to clean itself. He is now sitting in a chair, looking intimidating, arms folded, glare set, a large, very fluffy cat sitting on his lap and licking its ass. He thinks that it must look quite comedic, and can tell that (Y/n) is trying their hardest not to laugh. "AT LEAST YOU BROUGHT HOME A CLEAN BEAST." (Y/n) smiles at him and goes to his side, nuzzling his jaw. "Can I bribe you with kisses?" Edge's shoulders straighten. "I SUPPOSE THAT COULD BE ACCEPTABLE."

Blue- He's so worried-! There's no answer when he calls, and he even texted! He's pacing trails into the floor, wearing paths into it... Then he hears (Y/n)'s car and hurries out to it. "WHAT HAPPENED?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" A hyperactive puppy climbs over the seats into the front and dashes out through the door, heading straight for him! It's yellowish fur looks very soft as it dances around his legs, yipping and trying to entice play. "WHA- WHO'S THIS?" "Meet... your daughter...!" (Y/n) offers. "YOU- YOU MEAN- THIS LITTLE GIRL IS THE REASON FOR THAT MESSAGE?" "Yeah..." "WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HER?" "Well... My coworker's dog had puppies, and we were able to get all the others homes, but..." Blue's grinning at them. He loves how sweet they are. "COME ON, (Y/N), LET'S GO PLAY WITH OUR CHILD, THEN!" He runs off and the puppy happily barks and follows.

Stretch- Uh- he's not comfortable with this- this is not cool with him! Where the hell did (Y/n) get a kid?! He's stuffing his face with honey and chocolate covered honeycomb at Muffet's. But... He eventually has to go back. He's sitting on the couch, looking miserable, when (Y/n) gets back. They timidly come into the room, holding a kitten, apologizing for the weird message and explaining that one of the people at work got the kitten for their kid, but found out the kid was allergic- He doesn't trust it... It's something new, and he doesn't like it! (Y/n) feels bad, because he obviously doesn't like the kitten, but they've fallen in love with it, and who else could give it a good home- no one would take it at work, and she didn't want it to end up in a shelter! Stretch tries his normal laying on the couch, and the kitten keeps jumping up in him and cuddling close. It doesn't seem to get the hint of him not liking it... He does find its antics amusing as it has kitten business that it attends to, seeming to consist of running around crazily and jumping on dust particles... He falls asleep on the couch and wakes up to the kitten sleeping on him, looking like there's a huge smile on its face... purring. It becomes the normal position for them, and Stretch won’t let (Y/n) move the kitten off of him. (Y/n) comes home to find that, and is glad that he's finally given the kitten a chance.

Black- He’s a bit paranoid. This is a very strange message- was it a covert message? Was it a warning, was it a code begging for help?! He uses all of his skills to figure out what’s happening, and finds (Y/n) before they can even get home, finding them in the parking lot of their work. “I- I’m sorry, I couldn’t get back on my phone to answer-” Black grabs them close to him, “DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU HAD ME FEARING FOR YOUR LIFE?!” And there’s a growl from behind them. Black pulls back, ready to defend his love- only to see a largish brown and black dog attempting to do the same. He appraises the animal and waits for explanation. “My coworker’s building won’t let them have large dogs, or Dobermans, and everyone is afraid of them, even though it’s stupid- they’re just protective-” Black steps back from (Y/n) and walks closer to the dog, holding out his hand, handling the dog perfectly well, and is petting it after a moment. Ok, yeah, (Y/n) should have seen that coming... all the dogs in the Underground, after all... Black is happy to have this dog in their lives now; one more set of eyes and sharp teeth to protect his family- and the fact that it can intimidate people just by being there is a good thing, too.

Mutt- He is not amused in the least. He uses all of his skills to track down (Y/n), finding them at work, looking frustrated and put upon. He’s probably quite menacing as he strides toward (Y/n), but a fluffy head lifts from the floor next to them before he gets there. The very fluffy and adorable looking dog stands, showing its height and curled tail, staring at him. (Y/n) quickly gestures to the door outside with a nod, and he clenches his jaw in irritation, but shortcuts, waiting for them to meet him. They soon walk out of the building, the dog following without even being on a leash, stopping as they do, and sitting at attention, seeming to be glaring him down. Mutt steps forward, and the dog leaps to all fours, growling at him. (Y/n) tries to calm the dog, Mutt tries to get them away from the danger, the dog tries to get the perceived danger away from (Y/n)... “Mutt! Stop! Pin! Down!” The dog sits again at (Y/n)’s side, still glaring at him and softly growling. “what’s goin’ on,” it’s a demand- something that (Y/n) is not used to hearing from him. “My friend, Mary, she has to move, and Akitas are on the not allowed list, because they can be aggressive, and are very protective of their people- and, since I go over there a bunch, and Pin knows me- well, I’m the only other person that he’ll accept being around, pretty much...” (Y/n) gets down and hugs the dog, petting it, then stands and hugs Mutt, who feels a certain amount of satisfaction when the dog’s fluffy ears focus forward and mouth snaps shut as though asking, “what the hell is this?!” He wraps himself around (Y/n), smirking when the dog just looks irritated, but doesn’t make any moves. After some research into the breed, Mutt thinks this is a great development, appreciating that Pin will protect (Y/n), and perhaps later his brother, at all costs, having read stories of the breed defending their family to the death. He even thinks of maybe breeding him... but gives up on that when he finds out that the dog is fixed. He’s very interested in the breed now, though.

Axe- He is very troubled, trying to remember if they were trying to have a kid... He didn't think so... But he's been wrong about stuff before... ... ... He got lost in his mind... Thoughts of everything are going through his mind... (Y/n) gets home to see him sitting in his chair, lost in space, disassociated, his hand holding on to his eye socket. "Axe, love," they call, wanting to get his attention so to not startle him. He snaps back to and his eyelight settles on them, blank for a moment as everything comes back. They've got a tiny, furry thing held against their chest. "that what your... message was about?" "Um... Yeah... My friend at work volunteers at an animal shelter, and... They didn't think this little one would be adopted... and, of course, no one at work would take it..." They look like they're on the edge of crying, and Axe wants to go give people a good talking to... (Y/n) gets closer, holding the kitten out. One eye is closed while the other is wide open, its tail looks almost half as long as it should be, and one foreleg is missing up to the elbow. He lifted a glare to them, wondering why they brought some broken thing home- wasn't he broken enough- didn't he cause enough problems- wasn't he enough to pity?! (Y/n) sat on his lap, cuddling against him with the kitten held close between them. It looked around, intimidated by all the large, new things, but not acting like it was any different than any other skittish kitten. "Little babe was attacked by a dog, lost half it's tail and a paw- they had to amputate to a better place to avoid more problems and injuries. It already had an infection that took its eye... This little one has already dealt with more than enough in its short life. Of course, no one wants an animal that isn't perfect, so they end up just staying there, until- ... And I couldn't let that happen... Not while I could do something about it..." Axe's glare softened, and he let out a sigh, looking down at the two in is lap. Of course it wasn't pity that had made his sweet (Y/n) bring the kitten home... It was the drive of knowing that it would be able to live a happy life, knowing that it wouldn't be possible in its current situation, and knowing that they could do something about it. What he liked to call their drive of "if you won't fix this bullshit, I will!" He nuzzled against them, a low, raspy purr coming from his chest. "love ya, (y/n)." The answer of "I love you, ya goof" made his smile grow wider. Life was good.

Crooks/Bun- He knows that there has to be some explanation of this, there has to be- because otherwise, (Y/n) would be crazy... and... they’re not... right? No... So when they get home with an old hound dog, he takes a breath, glad that he’d been right. Turns out that someone at work had the old boy in and was trying to get him a home. (Y/n) had fallen in love with him because the dog reminded them of him! Big, liked taking walks and checking things out, pretty blind... Bun likes the dog a lot! He’s a good companion for his walks, and Bun has a lot of empathy when he runs into things. “It Happens To Us All.” He’s also very useful to have around as a hound breed! When Sans wanders off, if he gets lost or not, the dog can track him down with little problem. Also, when Bun feels like he’s been moving too much, and he’s starting to feel pain, the fact that the dog will lay down with him and doesn’t need a lot of running around puts him at ease, like keeping him company is doing something, and not just sitting around doing nothing.

Dusty- He doesn’t know what to think. He goes to (Y/n)’s work and follows them around in the shadows, watching... He’s there a couple of hours before he sees that there’s a cage under (Y/n)’s desk. He can’t quite tell what’s in it, but he knows that he has to be prepared. He goes home and waits, ready for whatever is going to happen. When (Y/n) arrives home, carrying the cage, greeting him with a smile. “Hey, so, look what I got from a coworker...!” He steps closer, wary, seeing a rabbit in some wood shavings. “They had it for their grandkids, but they never really took care of it, so...” Dusty keeps staring at it. “I renamed it Papyrus!” Dust’s eyelights shoot up to them at that. “papyrus?” “Yeah! This is bunny Papyrus... you can litter train rabbits and let them run around, and they are pretty smart and get into some pretty funny hijinks...” (Y/n) named the rabbit Papyrus to hopefully keep him from killing it... Interestingly enough, he stalks the rabbit as something to do. He follows it around from the shadows, and studies how it acts when left to its own devices. Then he starts hiding little treats for it and watches it try to find them. Ghost Paps refers to it as “BUNNY ME.” (This is actually how I got a guinea pig years ago lol)

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seoafin · 3 years

Note

when i saw "I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place" and i was like "oh sweet i'll read it after i sleep" and i ended up dreaming about reading it and it being about something else instead bc for some reason my mind interpreted "warnings: gruesome death" as mc slowly dying from some illness or curse and geto refusing to leave her side while his associates are Very Concerned and geto does everything he can to find a cure even though mc asks him not to😭

#e-excuse me????#not MORE angst omg 😭#I can't handle this rn.....#rip!mc in all honesty would probs prefer death but she can't leave geto alone yet......#aer.....please.....have mercy #that fic is already hard enough to write bc I don't like writing angst for geto 🥺#but also omg I can't believe you had a DREAM ABT IT LMAOO hopefully it wasn't a nightmare ???#sssinopia

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nightmaresart · 3 years

Text

𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝓭𝓸

I don't give a fuck about you anyways

Whoever said I gave a shit 'bout you?

You never share your toys or communicate

I guess I'm just a play date to you

Play date - Melanie Martinez

𝕭𝖆𝖘𝖎𝖈 𝕴𝖓𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Full Name: Orla Shannon Atkinson

Meaning of Name:

The name Orla is from Irish origins and means "Golden princess/ Golden lady"

The name Shannon is from Irish origins and means "Little old wise one" or in some rarer cases it means "Possessor of Wisdom"

Nickname: The empath, Lala & Vipertooth by Jackson @carewyncromwell

Reason of Nickname:

The empath is a nickname Orla recieved after some of her friends and fellow students managed to figure out that the girl always knows how other people are feeling, this caused her to show more empathy to those she sees as friends

Lala is one of the two nicknames that Orla received from one of her good friends, Jackson Knightly, at first the girl didn't like the sound of the name at all but she soon grew fond of it the more Jackson used it

Vipertooth is the other nickname that Orla received from her good friend and partner in crime, Jackson Knightly, she managed to get this nicknsme due to the fact that she doesn't back down in a fight and easily hexes people when they're bothering her and her friends

Gender identity: Cis-Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Hetrosexual

Age: 17, but depends on what I write

Birthday: 31-12

Zodiac sign: Capricorn ♑

Place of birth: Tralee, Ireland

Blood Status: Pure Blood

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖌𝖊

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

The wand: Cedar, Dragon Heartstring core, 12 ½ inches

Cedar: Whenever I meet one who carries a cedar wand, I find strength of character and unusual loyalty. My father, Gervaise Ollivander, used always to say, ‘you will never fool the cedar carrier,’ and I agree: the cedar wand finds its perfect home where there is perspicacity and perception. I would go further than my father, however, in saying that I have never yet met the owner of a cedar wand whom I would care to cross, especially if harm is done to those of whom they are fond. The witch or wizard who is well-matched with cedar carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them.

Dragon Heartstring core: As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner.

The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Patronus: Black Swan

Black Swan - Thought to have been rarer than a unicorn when first discovered, black swans represent loyalty, monogamous love, and caring for loved ones. They may have a wild youth but remain monogamous later in life. Black swans represent the healing power of love and romance. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a protective mother swan? Dementors will be chased away by a whirling dervish!

Magical abilities: Emotion Manipulation, Legilimency, Occlumency

Emotion Manipulation/Enhanced Empathy: User can sense and manipulate the emotions, including feelings, moods and their affects, of themselves, people, animals and other creatures, whether by increasing, decreasing, causing or otherwise channeling emotions, even manifesting the emotional energy to physical level.

Legilimency: Legilimency is the act of magically navigating through the many layers of a person's mind and correctly interpreting one's findings.

Occlumency: Occlumency is the act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency.

Boggart:

Her parents looming over her, wanting to cradle her and close her off from society forever to protect her

Riddikulus form:

Her parents turn into their house elf Elijah and he starts to pull the silly faces he always made when Orla was younger

Amortentia:

What do they smell?

She smells old books, the sweet smell of a variety of pies and the woods

What do they smell like?

Orla smells like freshly plucked strawberries, a variety of flowers and a rainy day

Mirror of Erised

She will see herself in the future, with her friends and her boyfriend graduated from Hogwarts and no longer having to follow rules that were only ment to hold the young woman down

𝕻𝖍𝖞𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

Eye Colour: Gold

Hair Colour: Light Blonde

Hair Style: She always keeps her hair up in a neat bun

Weight: 43 kg or 94 lbs

Height: 1,55 m or 5,1 ft

Type of Body/Build: Mesomorph/Hourglass figure, on the thinner side

Skin Tone: Pale Ivory

Distinguishing Marks: Her eyes stand out as well as the freckles that adorn her face

Face claim: Dove Cameron

𝕻𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞

Overall Personality:

She is a loyal and hardworking girl who can come off as harsh and crude when you first approach her. When you get to know her you will see that she is fierce and creative as well as loving. She just needs to time adjust to you and she'll eventually warm up. She is no softie and can easily hold her own if necessary. You wouldn't like this gal angry

Briggs myer type: ISFP

Good traits:

Loyal, hardworking, caring and kind

Bad traits:

Rude, easily agitated and annoyed, closes herself off once she is in pain

𝕬𝖙𝖙𝖎𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖊

Towards people they hate

Orla is very cold towards the people she hates, she doesn't even spare them a glance whenever she passes. However, when they're purposely pushing all her wrong buttons she will not hesitate with lashing out and fighting them.

Towards people they tolerate

A small smile is all that Orla will over to the people she tolerates, she doesn't want to chat with them but she won't treat them cruelly at all.

Towards people they consider friends

Towards the people she considers and sees as friends, Orla is nothing but kind, of course she will make snarky remarks when they're being idiots but she wouldn't trade them for anyone else. She is loyal and will stand by their side no matter what.

𝕽𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕𝖘

Family:

Father: Jacob Atkinson

Mother: Anastasia Atkinson

Friends:

Kenneth Jones, Lewis Gallach, Tadgh Lynch, William Rosen @unfortunate-arrow , Monty Bloom, Teddy Ellison, Stella Seabright @cursebreakerfarrier , Jackson Knightly @carewyncromwell , Danny Gibson @catohphm , Logan Rosseto @demon-twins-and-co , Josie Edwards @lizzieparkerhphm

S/o:

TBD

Rivals: TBD

𝕭𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞

Born in Ireland to the family Atkinson, Orla has always been an only child to the pair Jacob and Anastasia Atkinson. This caused her parents to become protective over their daughter from a very young age, the young girl got whatever she wanted but she never got to interact with other children her age.

She was kept inside most of the time and was only allowed to leave the house with supervision of either her parents or their house elf Elijah. This continued for most of her life and Orla thought it was normal and that all parents were like her own.

Around the age of ten she discovered that she could sense other peoples/creatures emotions much stronger than anyone else could, she kept this a secret from her parents as well as the Legilimency and Occlumency she goes to discover once her grandparents visit her at her eleventh birthday.

Orla finally attended Hogwarts at the age of thirteen for the first time, her parents had alot of trouble coming to term with this but reluctantly allowed her to go with the promise of the headmaster that he would keep an eye on the blonde girl.

This is where she begins to discover more and more about herself and her powers, eventually unlocking their full potential once she reached the age of eighteen.

𝕽𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝕱𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖘

She eventually becomes a perfect.

She always wears long clothes that cover her body as she isn't comfortable showing much skin.

Due to her upbringing, Orla can come off as harsh and rude while in reality she has never interacted with people her age before and thus struggles with it.

She adores dressing up and often does so when she is either alone or when Jackson decides to drag the blonde along to go shopping.

She doesn't talk about her parents at all, she is embarrassed by them and often wishes they weren't so protective.

She is quite a powerful witch and can and will do some serious damage if people get on her bad side. Her parents may have been reluctant of her going to Hogwarts but that doesn't mean she hasn't been taught alot already.

She respects house elves alot and sometimes even helps them out whenever she has the time or feels like it.

She knows quite a bit of healing spells and uses them on her friends if they managed to get themselves hurt.

She can manipulate peoples emotions but doesn't do so, atleast not on purpose. Her feelings, when they're too much, sometimes affect the people around her and she doesn't even notice it until its mentioned to her.

If you want your mc to be added to her friends list, or if you want them to be her rival, just tell me and ill add them!^^

#harry potter #hphl #hphl oc #hphl mc #hphl moodboard #hphl profile #harry potter hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy mc #hogwarts legacy #orla atkinson #character profile #hufflepuff oc #first profile down!#alot more to go #but ive got time

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

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Find your next diverse read! #2 (WWC Reader Publications)

We asked you to tell us about your publications, and here they are!

These are the eleven (11) books submitted to us, written by Writing With Color readers.

Book Titles

Always Darkest

Commonwealth

Faerie Rising: The First Book of Binding

Fate (The St. Cloud Chronicles)

A Hero’s Tale

Less than Three

Moonrise

Not So Stories Anthology

OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes

The Path to Dawn

To Whom it Doesn't Concern

Book Descriptions

Title: Always Darkest

Author: Jess and Keith Flaherty | @demonsrunlit Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: Supernatural meets Good Omens with a dash of romance and divine chaos.‪ Ben wants a vacation away from Hell, but Mal reveals a path to redemption instead. ‬ On the run from Heaven and Hell, a demon becomes a hero. Themes/Elements: Dark Fantasy, Paranormal Romance MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: White Other Diversity: LQBTQAI+, Religion

Title: Commonwealth (Patreon series)

Author: Adam Lee Series: No Buy: Patreon Premise: In a near-future U.S. that’s become a hyper-capitalist dystopia of inequality and climate change, a small band of dreamers fight to bring back the vanished era when people worked together and helped each other. Themes/Elements: Individualism vs. mutuality, capitalism vs. socialism MC Race/Ethnicity: Biracial black/white Other Characters: Latino (Mexican), Jewish, Japanese/Chinese Other Diversity: Economic and environmental justice, sexism and pregnancy discrimination

Title: Faerie Rising: The First Book of Binding

Author: A. E. Lowan | @aelowan (multiple authors) Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise:

Winter Mulcahy is the last wizard in the city of Seahaven, WA and all that stands between the fractious preternatural population and total chaos. Holding the city together by the skin of her teeth, the blood of her friends, and an addiction to stimulants that is slowly killing her, the young wizard is approached by a pair of sidhe lords. They claim that her city is harboring a fugitive who has kidnapped a sidhe prince, and that they are on a mission to rescue the boy.

Winter must investigate this fugitive to get to the truth of the kidnapping, discover the cause of the surges of wild magic tearing open rifts between realms across her city, and navigate the deadly waters of preternatural politics before Seahaven both figuratively and literally rips itself apart.

Themes/Elements: Addiction, redemption, found families MC Race/Ethnicity: (multiple POVS)

Young black hero just coming into his powers

Teenage wizard who proves that weight won’t slow her down

Physician at the breaking point who is addicted to stimulants

Two bisexual men in a dance of attraction (one survivor of childhood sexual assault)

Young trans man who will play a larger role in the second book

Gay Viking vampire king and his lover.

Afro-Latina wolf queen

Afro-Latino Lion King

Title: FATE

Author: Jade Stewart | @j-a-stewart Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: FATE is a YA fantasy novel about a teenage girl from the Bronx who realizes there’s more to her new home in Buffalo, and herself, than meets the eye. Themes/Elements: Urban fantasy, magic/wizards, werewolves, vampires, benefits of hard work, fate, moving to a new city, romance, revenge MC Race/Ethnicity: African-American Other Characters: Japanese, Jamaican-American and Romanian (mixed race), & American Other Diversity/Topics: Anti-bullying, high school, friendship

Title: A Hero’s Tale

Author: J. Stern | @theactualjstern Series: No Buy: Amazon Premise: Sam Garrett is determined to be a normal kid in spite of his superpowers, only to have his resolve questioned when his powers are exposed to the world and he becomes the target of a powered villain determined to remove all powered from the world. Themes/Elements: coming of age, superhero MC Race/Ethnicity: African American Other Characters: Black, mixed race Philipino and Mexican, Greek Other Diversity: queer characters of color (bisexual and trans), queer characters, disability (Deaf), mental illness (PTSD, anxiety), gender parity of characters

Title: Less than Three

Author: Téa Belog | @transannabeth Series: No Buy: Amazon | Books2Read | Goodreads Premise: Ren has been in love with his best friend for the past three years, Calliope has spent most of her life dancing, and Ingrid plans to start over in college, to go beyond what held her back in high school. Less Than Three is a collection of three short stories about a group of friends. Together, they shoulder their way through romance, all-nighters, and the occasional dragon. Themes/Elements: Romance, friendship, coming of age, mental illness, and college MC Race/Ethnicity: Japanese and Black (Calliope and Ingrid respectively, individual POVs) Other Characters: Indian, Vietnamese, and white Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ (trans and nonbinary characters, gay characters), depression

Title: Moonrise (interactive novel)

Author: Natalie Cannon Series: No Buy: Choice of Games Premise: You’re here. You’re queer. You’re a werewolf. Who will you kiss under the moonlight? Themes/Elements: queer femme werewolves, fighting for humanity or giving into the beast, romance, aligning with the tradition of the Masquerade or breaking free with the desperate Rogues, found family MC Race/Ethnicity: Intentionally left up to player interpretation Other Characters: Black, Japanese, Mexican, Jewish Other Diversity: Lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, polyamorous, aromantic, trans, nonbinary gender options and/or characters. Amputee character. Mental illness mention

Title: Not So Stories Anthology

Author: Multiple authors of colour Series: No Buy: Goodreads Premise: Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories was a timeless classic. It is also deeply rooted in British colonialism. Not So Stories attempts to redress the balance, bringing together new and established writers of colour from around the world to take the Just So Stories back; giving voices to cultures that were long deprived them. Themes/Elements: Fantasy, ghost stories, fairy tales. MC Race/Ethnicity: Various Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ characters

Title: OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes

Author: Emilie Nantel | @emilienantel Series: No Buy: Emilie Nantel Premise: A queer, polyamorous romcom for millennials, OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes is the story of Amy, bi, 25, in an open relationship, navigating the ups – dating gorgeous people – and downs – trying to avoid creeps – of the Montreal dating scene, when she falls in love with a hot bassist. This was not part of the plan. Themes/Elements: Queer found family, polyamorous relationship, friendship breakups MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: Black endgame love interest; half Filipina/half White best friend Other Diversity: Polyamory, bisexual MC, a cast all across the LGBTQIA+ community, MC is fat and has anxiety.

Title: The Path to Dawn

Author: Miri Castor | @miricastor Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: Opal Charm is still grieving the loss of her brother when she meets a mysterious student in her class. Through their budding friendship, Opal discovers she has special powers, powers that brother once had. But she must learn how to wield them before an evil force destroys all that she loves. Themes/Elements: PoC kids/teens with superpowers, platonic relationships, family ties, light and darkness MC Race/Ethnicity: Black Other Characters: Filipino Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ (Book 2) & depression

Title: To Whom it Doesn't Concern

Author: Wisdom A. Yarborough Series: No Buy: Amazon | Goodreads Premise: (TW Suicide)

A kid at Mortimer’s school has thrown himself off the roof. Everyone is freaking out, and trying to deal with the situation, while Mortimer wants this all to just pass as quickly as possible. It wasn’t like he was close to the kid who died, so there’s no reason to be concerned, or to even care? …Right?

Themes/Elements: Dealing with loss/grief, Suicide/Depression/Mental Health & Healing MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: Topher, the love interest, is Pakistani-American. Mortimer’s ex girlfriend is black.

Other Diversity: Topher is Canonically Pansexual, Mortimer realizes he’s bisexual throughout the story, Many characters suffer with depression, and depression/suicide/suicidal thoughts are a huge part of the themes of the story, and coping with those feelings.

Read the first book share here: Find your next diverse read #1

Folks - If you read any of these books, please leave the author a review.

WWC Reader Publications - Winter 2019/2020

#wwc #wwc post #writing with color #books #Book Recommendations #diversity #ownvoices #diverse books #authors of color #authors #find your next diverse read #long post

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otonymous · 5 years

Text

Lucien and The Lure of Forbidden Fruit (MLQC Character Analysis)

Hello dear readers!

I’m sure that everyone knows by now that Lucien is my favourite MLQC boy (even after the events of chapter 13), and I’d like to take this opportunity to explain why. Needless to say, this analysis will be lengthy and include lots of spoilers (for certain Lucien-related dates and the main story, up to and including chapter 14), so the rest will be posted after the break!

Please keep in mind that I know next to nothing about what’s happened in the story beyond the new chapters released in the English server, so apologies if my theories prove incorrect to those who know better 😆

In response to the lovely Anon, on a superficial level, Lucien is exactly my type: tall, dark and handsome, and a genius to boot. I love my men intelligent with a side of suave, someone who isn’t afraid of wearing his feelings on his sleeve — and this sexy professor delivers. But I swear my reasons for loving Lucien extend beyond this paragraph 😂 Please do me the favour of reading on!

@blueanimewriting, I see Lucien’s character as being quite complex, and labels such as “yandere” alone are not enough to encapsulate him as a whole. Let us consider what we know of Lucien (in the English server) so far.

Lucien, aka Ares, is a high-ranking agent of the Black Swan Collective (BSC) — a super shady secret society with equally shady ambitions for the world, whose plans seem to hinge on MC’s cooperation. In Chapter 13, it is revealed that Lucien’s kindness and attentiveness to the MC was all part of his plan to lure her into a trap on behalf of the BSC. On the surface, everything about this screams betrayal. But is it really? More on this later.

Going back to @blueanimewriting’s question, a yandere is typically seen as a character with a sweet exterior who is capable of engaging in extremely violent and deranged behaviour when it comes to anything/anyone who challenges their relationship with the love interest. In my understanding of this archetype, the aggressive behaviour typically doesn’t reveal itself until love has been established, in that either the yandere realizes they are in love or are already in a relationship.

As we’ve seen in Chapter 13, Lucien is already highly respected and feared within the BSC, where he is known especially for his ruthlessness. The man won’t hesitate to dispatch Black Swan minions with little more than a flick of his hand, teleporting them to god knows where (we just know that the thought alone is enough to make them shake — remember Josie after her little illusory arson trick in Chap 13-1?). The man even smiled when his eye got split open as punishment for dragging his feet on his mission and not capturing MC. There is little doubt that Lucien is no stranger to violence, whether he’s the source of it, or at its mercy - a fact that most definitely precedes his relationship with MC.

The professor’s villainous behaviour does not come as a result of him falling in love, as is typical with a yandere. He is a man tasked with a goal, and his actions must be interpreted through that lens. Did he stalk MC by moving in right next door? Absolutely. Was it out of love? Probably not from the outset; he likely needed to monitor her as part of his mission. Did Lucien ever direct violent behaviour towards other potential suitors for MC’s affections? I don’t recall him ever behaving aggressively towards Victor, Gavin, or Kiro. Lucien’s deception and manipulation seems to stem solely from his mission, not from love.

Is Lucien innately evil, simply “born to be bad” so to speak? It’s hard to be certain at this point with the information we have. What we DO know is that the boy grew up without both parents at a young age, and may have been deprived of the opportunity to learn about proper human interaction — love, in particular. Hence, Lucien learns about affection by watching old Hollywood films in the cinema until the early morning hours, and reads books on how to be a good boyfriend. He asks MC to teach him how to love in his New Light Date. Perhaps it was just a bit of shameless flirting. Or perhaps, he was being completely sincere.

Of the sincerity of his affection for MC, however, there can be no doubt. Scattered throughout various dates and the story itself, we find instances of Lucien fighting his growing feelings for her. In his Aquarium Date, he admits that he has become too involved with the girl, despite knowing he should have kept his distance. In his Midnight Date, we witness Lucien ordering himself not to think of MC whilst clutching his chest in pain, the moment clearly illustrating that love had “taken root in his heart.” We also catch a glimpse of the professor’s true feelings in his aptly named True Love Date, in which Lucien tries his hardest to avoid MC (likely to prevent himself from falling even more in love with her), and fails spectacularly, displaying some extremely jealous behaviour when he mistakenly thinks she has feelings for someone else.

And while I could be wrong (depending on Ares’ ultimate agenda), the strongest evidence of Lucien’s love for MC would be the fact that he dragged his feet for so long on his mission, and still let her go in the end. If he was a total villain through and through, would it have been likely that MC would’ve escaped simply by saying that Lucien owed her a thank-you gift? I think not. Her ass would’ve been teleported back to BSC headquarters so fast.

So, we get to the crux of the matter, the reason why MC’s romance with Lucien/Ares will prove to be one of, if not the most, heart-wrenching ones in the game. Their relationship is star-crossed: Romeo and Juliet, Evolver-style. Lucien knows full well he was not to fall in love with her but couldn’t help himself and did it anyway. MC obviously had feelings for Lucien, and even in the face of his betrayal, still initially refused to accept it (“...you are not Lucien. He would never harm me. Ares and Lucien have nothing to do with each other!”).

The very image of the blood-red Lycoris blooming in MC’s dream at the beginning of Chapter 9 can be interpreted as referencing this ill-fated romance: when the flower blooms, the leaves have already fallen, and when the leaves grow, the flower has already wilted — the two can never be together. In the same vein, Lucien and MC are desperately in love with each other, but are standing on very different sides of a war that is gradually brewing. This is the stuff of angst-filled romantic dreams, for everyone knows forbidden fruit is the sweetest. It is also one of my favourite romantic tropes.

Yes, Lucien manipulated MC’s feelings in order to advance his own goals. But the professor never anticipated that he would fall victim to his own feelings for her. And that was the moment when his world was no longer black and white, cut and dried. He let his emotions get in the way of his mission, and was sorely punished for it. But perhaps his greatest punishment came when he had to watch his own confession of betrayal crush MC’s heart (let us not forget that look of sorrow that flashed in his eyes during Chapter 13’s showdown).

Yes, Lucien hurt us. But in doing so, he also hurt himself.

If you’re still reading at this point, 1) thank you for sticking around as I prance atop my soapbox, and 2) if you’re still not convinced, consider this: would Elex really make you fall in love with a main character only to make you hate him to pieces? Who in their right minds would blow tons of cold, hard cash on those gorgeous Lucien karmas, such as…

…if he didn’t have a way of ultimately redeeming himself in the end, however far away that is? I am a firm believer that Lucien/Ares will have a redemption arc, and that it will be absolutely fantastic when it happens. 💕

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Thanks for reading! Check out more of my work here! 📚

#q&a #anonymous #ihavenotfallenyet #blueanimewriting #mlqc lucien #my writing #mlqc character analysis #lucien character analysis #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer

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scripttorture · 5 years

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Hi, lovely to send an ask to your blog. I have a character who's been kidnapped and kept in a cell for an unspecified amount of time. The cell is the size of a spacious room, with a mattress, sink, and toilet, the victim has access to move about as he pleases. The abductor kept my victim well fed, didn't physically harm him unless he had to (ie. Victim tries to escape, attack, bite back with words), he wanted him in good shape. (A)

(B)Whenever my victim acted up, other than sometimes having tophysically restrain him (roughs him up in a corner and leaves), hepunishes him by turning the electricity off, leaving the victim inpitch darkness and icy weather, and with no sound source but his ownbreath. Regularly, the abductor comes at least once everyday (or asoften as five days a week), sits with the victim for a few hours, andeither talks about his life, tries (and fails, at the time) to softenvictim's heart...(E),...left him food and left. Either until he got bored, or when victimcracked and broke down begging for any stimulation and company. Themental breakdowns increased in intensity when the victim lost accessto the TV, he'd unconsciously hurt himself, cry and scream until hepassed out, refuse to eat or move from his spot in fear of themonsters lurking in the pitch blackness in the room, and will justsit stuck listening to his violent hallucinations until the abductorput mercy on him.(F)At the end of the abduction time, Victim starts to show new symptoms,he rather becomes"animalistic" in someway, he loses(forgets temporarily) the ability to put words together, so hesnarls, whimpers, acts physically his needs, becomes very aggressiveand uncooperative, lost a drastic amount of weight, refusing food,tried on multiple occasions to hurt himself for the sake of feelinganything but the emptiness of his cell, and in a psychotic outburst,destroys the TV, and...(G)(oh man I forgot where I left off... please bear with me if I mistookthe paging) He spent the next few days mourning the TV, missing thecharacters he used to obsessed over as much as the family he slowlystarted to lose memories of. It was a pitiful sight. Since thebeginning of the abduction period, the abductor has been feedingVictim lies, from the reason he kidnapped him (preserve his amazingabilities, keep him safe from others who were after his skills, noone appreciated his...(H)His skills as much as he did, and it was obvious b***) but the damagecame when he gradually convinced him his family didn't care, that'swhy he was trapped for so long. And victim was convinced his familyloved him above all else, but as time passed and hallucinationsbegan, he lost that conviction, not at all helped by abductor'sconstant false reassurance. Abductor also lied about the time frame,coming down with cake to celebrate their one year anniversary whenit's been a few months. (I) Little did victim know, his family werekilled the night of his kidnapping. Finally, at the last day, or afew days after he lost the TV, abductor has moved the broken pieces,only to miss one screen glass shard that victim hid under hismattress. And it happened as victim tried to stab his abductor, inself defense, the abductor threw the victim off, and his head hit thesink. Cue panic stricken abductor, not thinking straight with theamount of blood, and wrapping the victim up...(J)... wrapping him up and throwing him in an alley across the citybefore fleeing the country. Now my biggest dilemma lies in twothings! One: I need him to have amnesia for plot related reasons,very important, but I'm afraid that will make all of what he wentthrough redundant, so the list of after effects I made him have is..Severe anxiety, depression, anger management issues, avoidance ofdark places (full blown panic attacks if forced into an sort of darkroom)… K) Vague, abstract night terrors, extreme loneliness even inthe company of friends, and fear of neglect. He has a few namelesstriggers, any show on TV like the shows he used to watch, not feelingclean, showering more than once a day as he lost that privilegehaving to use the sink to clean up, horror movies for all thereasons. Two: how does the state (any) and hospital actually dealwith this situation, I realize this is out of your expertisepossibly, but I'd appreciate a nudge… (M) A new cycle of abusebegins between him and his boss, manager and unit mates, but I'llleave that for another ask ^^; This got so long, I'm sorry, but I'dlike your criticism and input on my story so far, it actually takesup two other victims of abuse and my MCs road to recovery. I'm veryadamant on making this right. Thank you!!

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This is a follow up to a previous ask. Honestly- I’m still finding the question a little confusing. I’ll answer to the best of my ability but I may well have misinterpreted it.

That said- I think you need to do a lot of reading and completely rewrite your story if you really do want to make this realistic and respectful. At the moment I think it’s a very long way off.

I think I said that last time so this time I’m going to be blunt. I do not think you are ready to write torture.

Firstly, specify the amount of time this character is held. Decide. Don’t keep things vague in the hope that it’ll seem more realistic.

You don’t have to tell your readers the detail of how long your character is held or every detail of what happens to him but if you don’t know then you can’t work to show the effects realistically.

I can’t decide what your plot should be for you. And if you’re unwilling to define what you’re putting your character through and for how long I can’t give a reasonable estimate of how likely he is to survive.

Memory loss in torture scenarios does not work in the way you’re describing. That kind of ‘amnesia’ and losing old, established memories of family members does not happen. Not without significant, disabling brain injury that effects other things like being able to move and breath.

If you want to know what memory loss in torture survivors is like I have a post here that covers it.

Torture survivors do not regress into some sort of savage ‘animalistic’ state. They do not forget how to speak.

Frankly I think these kinds of unrealistic tropes are incredibly insulting to survivors.

It’s saying that torture has ‘made’ the survivor dangerous and unreasonable. Those are exactly the kinds of arguments people use to stop survivors getting treatment in real life. Don’t add to that.

Hallucinations in solitary are not common.

They become more likely if a person is held for a long time (over a month), but since you are not giving me a time frame I can’t say whether this is likely or not.

If the character is held long enough that hallucinations and a psychotic break become likely then- given the conditions you’ve described, the character is likely to die from cold, starvation or disease before the captor dumps them outside.

People can die from the cold very very quickly. If the character is repeatedly subjected to freezing temperatures for a long time then they are probably going to die of hypothermia.

Additionally the phrasing throughout this sounds as though it’s taking the abuser’s ‘side’ over the victim’s.

No one ever ‘has’ to abuse anyone else. It is never necessary.

On a related note- I think you’re severely underestimating the damage caused by beating. It is very easy to beat a person to death. The way I’m interpreting the question it sounds like the abuser beats the victim when he tries to escape. It sounds like the abuser beats the victim until he stops moving every time this happens.

There isn’t much difference between beating someone unconscious and beating them to death. If the character is regularly being hit until he passes out then he probably wouldn’t live for more then two weeks.

Which is not long enough for the extreme effects of solitary confinement you’re describing.

I think this scenario is a very strange mix of treating people as too resilient and too fragile. The physical abuses you’re describing seem really like to kill the character. At the same time the mental health issues you’re describing are completely unrealistic and-

Well honestly? As a mentally ill person I think this depiction of mental illness is insulting. It is degrading. It shows no understanding of mental illness and no compassion for people who are mentally ill.

I struggle to speak sometimes because of my mental illness. It does not make me an animal. It does not mean I can not think. And it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t describe what I was going through when that moment has passed.

The list of ‘severe’ symptoms you’ve given isn’t what you’re actually describing the character having. Your description does not sound like mood swings, anxiety and depression with a few triggers.

If you were writing these symptoms accurately I would tell you that your list is not enough. If I was just relying on that list I would suggest more symptoms and writing them to a greater severity.

But I can’t just rely on the list. Because your description of the character’s mental state and what he goes through contradicts your list. Which suggests to me that you either haven’t decided what symptoms the character should have or you don’t understand what mental health problems are like.

I do not think you are ready to write mental illness.

I could go into more detail. But I don’t think it’s going to benefit either of us if I go through this and tell you why every single detail here is wrong.

My job here is not to write your story for you. And it isn’t to make moral decisions for you either.

If you are serious about writing torture or abuse respectfully then for now you need to stop writing. Instead I need you to do some reading. Because if you want to do this ‘right’ then you need to gain an understanding of what torture is, what it does to people and how they cope with it afterwards.

So I’m going to give you a reading list. I think you should read each of these books carefully.

Why Torture Doesn’t Work by S O’Mara

The Question by H Alleg (if English isn’t your first languages this is available in other languages, pick the one you’re most comfortable with)

A Darkling Plain by K R Monroe

A Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement by S Shalev

To the Kwai and Back by R Searle

I think you should also read Black Jacobins by C L R James.

Take your time. Make notes.

When you’ve done that I think you should go to Amnesty International’s website and look at their recent interviews with torture survivors. Pick two or three large studies. Read detailed accounts from at least fifteen different people.

Then I think you should come back to the story and completely rewrite it based on what you’ve learnt.

I am not saying that you should never write torture. But it’s obvious from the plot and characters you’ve proposed that you don’t know enough to write it well yet. Take the time to gain that understanding before you write. You will write a better story for it.

If you don’t want to do the research don’t write about torture.

It’s a difficult topic to engage with. If you try and fail then that isn’t your fault. Reading about torture is upsetting. Not every one can deal with it in depth. That isn’t anyone’s fault or failing.

But if you can’t cope with reading about the reality, if you can’t educate yourself, then you can’t speak on behalf of torture survivors.

If you can’t listen to them then you simply don’t know enough to tell their stories.

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

#Anonymous #tw torture #tw ableism #tw self harm #writing victims #writing torture #torture apologia #mental health #I can only help if you're willing to engage #and willing to do the work

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milquetoast-on-acid · 6 years

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Sharon Raydor's life, death and what the hell was point?

Like many of you, I've gone through a variety of emotions from Sharon's death. I'm finally in a better place emotionally. And I have a much clearer head so that I can talk about everything that happened from a much calmer point of view. As I really wanted to respond to her death (and the manner of it) without just pure anger. Like so many others I was angry, very angry at what happened. I still am angry but I am much calmer. I also think listening to Mary's podcast helped correct some interpretations that I had.

I'm so glad to Mary to have her and her podcast. To be able to get her point of view on Sharon. I think it was very much needed for a lot of us. If you haven't listened to it yet, I really really recommend it. It may help you as it did me. I am also very glad to learn that the podcast will be continuing in some form. I have a lot to say so get cozy and grab your favorite drink.

How I found Sharon Raydor & Major Crimes A few years ago I finally got around to watching Deep Space Nine. I had been a huge Trek fan since Voyager was on and so many people said that DS9 was the best Trek. And boy where they right. It had amazing characters, great relationships (oh my god the relationships) and excellent writing.

One of the writer/producers of DS9 was a man by the name of Ronald D Moore. Who I had heard created Battlestar Galactica, which was hailed as one of the greatest Sci-Fi shows of all time. I finally got around to watching it and I was blown away by it. Laura Roslin and William Adama captured my heart on that show. From there I found a few shows the actors were in afterwards. I had planned to check out a few of them and Major Crimes was first on my list. It was a crime drama (which was right up my alley). I pretty quickly got hooked and I still haven't seen any of the other actor's shows from BSG.

Why? What is the point?

I asked myself this question before her death and so many times after it. There have only been 3 big character deaths between The Closer and Major Crimes. Willie Ray, Taylor and Sharon. In those 13 years we have only had those deaths. It is such a very rare thing to have, when so many other shows these days don't think anything of killing off one of their major characters. Each death has had a point to it within the context of the story. Willie Ray's death was meant to teach Brenda that her family was more important than her job. That time is precious and that you may not get another chance with them. That was the whole point of Willie Ray wanting to speak with Brenda. But Brenda was much too busy to take the time to sit down with her mother. And you do end up seeing Brenda rethinking her behavior.

Taylor's death pushed a completely new dynamic into the show. One that was very much needed at the time. His death left us in a place where we didn't necessarily know where the characters were going to end up. We didn't know if Sharon would have ended up being the chief or if someone else would have. Not to mention that the actor was ready to leave. Both Robert Gossett and Duff had felt that the character had gone as far as it could go.

For now, I don't see any point in Sharon's death. I don't see how it drives the plot forward. I don't see any lessons to be taught. Andy, Rusty and Provenza did not needed her death to teach them to be better people. They became better people because they loved her and she became a better person because she loved them.

Mary talks about how death in real life is very often pointless. Very often there is never a point in someone's death. I respect and acknowledge that point of view, but I think that my problem with it is it is a very odd choice for a show that was never built around reality. It certainly has it's moments of reality. For so many people it was always a comfort show. It was never a dark show like BSG or The Walking Dead. It was a show that so many of us could escape to.

So for the show to take such a drastic turn at the end. Such as killing it's main character in such traumatic way as is a HUGE blow. I also think that the deaths in this show (and TC) make more of an impact on it's audience because they are so rare. It is also a show and not reality. So we want there to be a point to her death. Especially because she was the main character and because so many of us connect to her emotionally.

For us and the characters. It casts such a huge shadow and instead of having any kind of happy ending the show will ultimately end with tragedy. I think it's a very odd and bizarre choice to have to end your show in this way. With so much grief. For the fans and for the characters. I think that, that may have been Duff's intent. Was to help us grieve for the show by having such a huge intrigal loss in the show. And that is probably why he intended to have her die a few episodes before the end. So that we can grieve along with the other characters for the loss of Sharon and the show. I personally don't think that having her die helped us deal with the loss of the show at all. I think it makes it so much harder.

But I can't help feeling that her death felt so completely unnecessary. To have her death be pointless and be the most traumatic death. Just feels very cruel. It feels cruel to Sharon. Because of how happy she finally was. It feels cruel to her family. Emily and Ricky that finally saw their mother happy. Rusty, that finally had a stable family life and a mother that loved him unconditionally. Andy who had never found happiness until he found her.

It feels cruel to the squad and it feels cruel to the fans. I'm not sure what sort of ending I would have chosen for Sharon Raydor. I agree with Mary. I would not have wanted Sharon to retire at the end of MC however if I had a choice between her dying and retiring I would definitely have chosen retirement. I think my ideal ending for her would have been for her to keep her job as the head of MC. Because she loved her job so much and loved the people that she worked with. To keep fighting for another day. And what is wrong with ending a show where the main character keeps her job and is happy and healthy?

I have also thought that Sharon's death may have been a bit of revenge on TNT. Her death was shocking, it was tragic and it was very traumatic. And it got a lot of press. For Mary's performance and for Sharon's death. It's been no secret that TNT gave MC almost no support and for years has tried to sink the show. Mostly because MC is not the type of show that TNT wants on their network anymore. So I think that Duff thought that he could show the network that he could do dark and edgy.

But I think the problem that I have with that is. Ultimately who does her death impact the most? The cast, crew, characters and the fans. Tony talked about how he thought that the network was going to push Duff not to kill Sharon. I thought that was so sweet but it seems clear to me that TNT does not care one wit about the show and has not for years.

The Intention of Sharon's Death

How it was written verses how we interrupted it. Many of us (myself included) interpreted Sharon's death as a suicide. I am very glad to learn that, that was not the case. From Mary's podcast, it really sounded like she was taken aback at learning that was how so many of us saw it as a suicide. I think that because she knew JD's intent and was so involved in the storyline that, that was the reason why she never saw it that way. And why this reaction surprised her. Sometimes when you create something your original intent or meaning may end up being lost or misinterpreted by the viewer.

I'm going to go into why I was so convinced that Sharon had committed suicide and what (I thought) her reasons were for it. For me, it goes way beyond Sharon asking Father Stan for Last Rites.

1. Sharon's Goodbyes "I'm almost done." It was her conversations with Provenza, Rusty, Father Stan and Andy throughout those last two episodes. Some of which were written as the character's goodbyes to each character and so I interpreted them as Sharon's intentional goodbyes to the people she was the closest too.

Provenza begging Sharon to slow down and her dismissal of that. Her telling him that she has every intention of keep doing what she's always done and that she has no plans to change any of that. As much as it probably killed him to let her keep doing her thing. I know he understood it because he has every intention of working until he can't anymore.

Sharon telling Andy that she thought that it would have been better for her family if she had just died the first time that she collapsed. Really felt to me like she was thinking about suicide to spare her family more trauma and the burdens of her illness.

Sharon telling Father Stan about not wanting to take a heart away from a woman who had not fully lived their life. Felt that she had given up fighting her disease. And yes she did. But now I realize that the intent was for her to just let the disease take it's course. And to give her life up to fate and when it was her time it was her time.

Her other conversation with Andy in the electronics room. Her thanking him for taking care of her. Felt again very much like she was tying up loose ends. To me it read like: I know this is the end of my life and I want you to be aware of how much I appreciate everything that you have done for me. Her telling him "I'm almost done." Really struck me.

hey say that when a person is about to commit suicide they tell their loved ones goodbye. Sometimes it's a letter. Sometimes it's in conversation, possibly a coated message that you may not understand until after they are gone. So when Sharon told Andy that she was "almost done." Sounded a lot like she was telling him goodbye and that her life would be over very soon. That he wouldn't have the burden of taking care of her anymore.

2. Asking for Last Rites "I've lived my life as a Catholic and if possible I'd like to die as one." As soon as Sharon asked for last rites, that's when the thought popped into my head that she was planning to kill herself. I am not Catholic or religious at all myself. So I had no idea that asking for last rites was something that someone could ask for as many times as they wanted. If they had felt that they may have been close to death. Or needed it to help them deal with their mortality. It really felt like (to me) Sharon tying up some loose ends. And her wanting to be there for the ritual.

3. Her behavior: Peace and Recklessness Finding peace with her mortality. Her willfull disregard of her doctor's orders and coming to the point in her life where she gave absolutely zero fucks. Both felt to me like because she had made her decision to kill herself that meant she wasn't going to let anything stop her from doing what she wanted. Let me tell you, her giving no fucks I thought was so fabulous. I loved it. By that I am specifically refering to her behavior towards Mason. Not her ignoring her doctors orders. All of this screamed suicide to me. The intentions were just intrupited incorrectly for so many of us. So much of what was happeneing was really just supposed to be some HEAVY foreshaddowing. The shows way of trying to prepare us for her death in the best way they could without actually coming right out and telling us.

Why her choosing suicide confused me.

The Manner of her Death I was confused as to why she would commit suicide in front of all of the people she loved (and loved her). Her son most especially. I was baffled and utterly confused because Sharon is first and foremost a mother. Intentionally killing herself in front of her son, who she was always protecting just didn't make any sense. It felt like character assassination. Because I as much as (come to know about her) is that is something that she would never do. She would never want to put her family through that kind of pain.

The Disconnect between her Happiness and her Intention to kill herself Sharon has mentioned so many times throughout season 6 just how happy she is. She's talked about how she's never been happier in her entire life. And so it is a bit odd to want to kill yourself if you are really and truely happy in life. The way that I explained this away. Was what I thought were her intentions. I had thought that she did not want to put her family though anymore worry and the burden of taking care of her. How many times did she talk about how she did not want anyone to put her life on hold for her and her illness? She never wanted to inconvenience her children (Emily and Ricky most specifically because they lived away from her). She didn't even want them contacted when she was in the hospital that one time.

Another reasoning that I had for her intention towards suicide. Was her not wanting to give her family any false hope. She talked about how the pacemaker was only a temporary measure and how she decided she did not want another person's heart. So instead of having her family live through chance after chance, of hope and heartache for her just to ultimatly die. She took it upon herself to end it all earlier. So that her family would not have to keep living between hope and trauma.

Sharon vs Laura JD made a point of comparing and paralleling the two characters. But I really think that Laura's death works much more for the character than it does for Sharon. The very first thing that you learn about Laura is that she is terminal. THE VERY FIRST THING. It is built into the character and so we have a long time to prepare for her death. It was still devastating but it was always her fate, her destiny to die at the end of the story. And so we knew that it wouldn't end for any other way.

Another point of comparison is Sharon and Laura's behaviors at the end of their lives. Laura became ruthless AF near the end of her life (and the times she knew she was dying). She closed herself off and made the hard decisions because she knew she had to in order to ensure the survival of the human race before her death. Sharon also ended up not giving a fuck and did what she wanted. Sadly though it seems that hastened her death. Laura knew that she was going to die. Sharon was very aware of her mortality and made peace with it. But she pushed herself and that caused her death.

Their death scenes were also very different. Laura died at the very end of the story. In a raptor, flying above Earth next to her soulmate. It was sad but it was a peaceful death. She was happy and had died just as she saw the fruits of her labor. Sharon on the other hand died a horribly tragic death that makes it easy on no one. She got pissed off at a suspect and had a heart attack. While the suspect was screaming at her, the team all rushing to her to save her life. While Rusty is frantic on the phone with her doctor and being dragged out of the room. Laura's death was inevitable and it was made easier because of how peaceful of a death she was allowed to have. It's just confusing to me as to how Sharon's death is supposed to make things easier on us when her death is the most traumatic of all of the deaths on MC. And one I don't think I'll ever be able to watch again.

While Sharon is a similar character to Laura. She is not Laura. And we did not need for her to have the same fate as her. So many of us wanted Sharon to live the life that Laura could not. And now there both dead. And now I'm bitter AF about that.

All I can think is... A man kills, yet another strong woman and her death was pointless. I see no positivity and no happiness in that. It was unnecessary and it was traumatic. All I see is the squad grieving for her death for the rest of the season. Andy who's happiness has been cruely ripped away from him only two weeks after they got married. And it seems he is destined to be alone after all. And that is depressing.

What's next? And moving forward. Right now, I won't be able to watch the rest of the season live. I'm still very emotionally cut up about Sharon's death that I don’t think that I will be able to watch the rest of the season. I know that eventually I will get around to watching the remaining four episodes. Because I am not ready to say goodbye to Sharon Raydor and Major Crimes, I will be continuing my episode reviews. From here on out I will be picking up where I left off at in season 3. I hope by the time I am done with season 4 that I will be able to pick up on the rest of season 6.

#major crimes #mc spoilers #sharon raydor #meta sharon #mc analysis

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guacameowle · 7 years

Note

Hi, I really like your headcanons for SLBP! Do you mind if I ask for SLBP lords angst? For some reason, the SLBP lord and MC decided to break up but unbeknownst to the lord, MC was having his child. Years after, MC passed away and the child blamed the lord for MC's death. One day, the child managed to get a position as a page serving said lord. What would happen between the child and the lord? (The lord may/may not realize that the new page was his child)

These may not have come out as you were expecting them to. I’m sorry to say only some of these HCs managed to go along the lines of “the child blamed the lord for MC’s death” but not all of them. Some are left open to interpretation as to if you think the samurai figured out if it’s their child or not, but majority do figure out that it’s MC’s child at least.

The child has the pronouns “they/them.”

Also, if any of you enjoy this & somehow managed to make it through them all (Wow! Amazing!), could you please perhaps comment & let me know which one was your favorite? I’m quite curious. Thank you! xx

Meowle Masterpost

Meowle SLBP Headcanons

Nobunaga – He laughed at their attitude. For so young a person they were quick to anger, leaving trails of fury in their wake, voicing their opinion against him often and in front of others. It amused him where it shouldn’t, having his page so obstinately against him did nothing for progress, but somehow he saw himself in them. He’d considered that perhaps the real reason he put up with their ire for so long was because for once in years he was finally sated with the sweets they created. There was a limit to his generosity however, treats or no. At every council they voiced themselves against him, speaking in favor of Date, Uesugi, and even Takeda. The shutters of his fan snapped as did his patience, he had had enough. He raised his voice above theirs, “If you find yourself inclined for the favors of others, leave. See how far you’ll fair.” A blade, not meant for throwing, came towards him before those around could react, catching his sleeve and holding it onto the floorboards. He knew this blade, the handle intricate and delicate, a custom creation he had commissioned but hadn’t seen in years. But how did they? Oh. He looked up then, seeing the page now restrained and glowering. Now he saw. Beneath the glare that matched his own, past the hatred that dripped from them, he could see her – fierce, determined, proud. His features mixed with hers. With a brief exhale he spoke, “You have her fire.” He wasn’t shocked by their reply, as sharp as the knife they had thrown at him, “And I would see you burn in it.”

Mitsuhide – He noticed they were a hard worker. He was glad to have them as his page even if they seemed to hold an undercurrent of resentment toward him somehow. He was sure he had never done anything to this person, but as an appendage of the Devil’s Hand he couldn’t always be certain. Still, he admired their work ethic. Soon it felt civility would be impossible between them and he questioned what his page held against him, he had a right to defend himself. “My mother was killed because of a samurai.” So no ill intent against him specifically, surely in his past he hadn’t killed a woman. A general hatred of samurai then. His advice, do something about it. Rise up and go for those who did them wrong. He hadn’t expected his lecture to be met with “You said that once to me before.” Had he? He didn’t recall. “When I was younger… and you passed through Kyoto. In front of a restaurant that no longer housed a woman you were in search of. Instead you saw me.” How did they know about her? “I’m doing what you told me so many years ago. Rising up to find those who did my mother wrong.” The gaze that fell on him was icy, prickling along his skin and freezing his heart for a moment. “I left my family’s restaurant to find him.” Family’s? He couldn’t mean… Smoothly his page rose up and left without a dismissal, leaving him to ponder what had transpired between them. There was no mistaking it, their words were clear, their stare hitting their target dead-on, intent. He resolved himself; when the day finally came, he would be waiting for them.

Yukimura – He staggered on his feet as his head was struck. “You said you’d be responsible for her!” The words thrown at him with each swing of his page’s spear were soaked in venom, weighing him and dragging him under a current of dread and shame, beaten into the meat beneath his skin. He- he didn’t understand. What had happened!? Somebody tell him! H-how did you know her? Why do you have my mother’s eyes? Questions running through his head yet none he spoke aloud; none he could get past the blood bubbling up his throat. He felt his spear knocked from his hand in his moment of distraction, a heavy blow to his chest knocking him onto his back until he only saw the grey of the sky above him but he couldn’t bring himself to move, struggling to find the strength to even breathe. He felt the trickle of thick liquid seep from his mouth and slide across his cheek. Months ago he had been delighted when his new page had requested to be physically trained by him and in the art of the spear no less. Had taken pride in watching their timidity fade as weeks passed when they practiced. Appreciated when they countered his attacks and came at him with their own coated with determination. Had begun to question why one day it suddenly felt like they were no longer simply training anymore. He’d seen enough war to know there was true hatred behind their strikes. He hadn’t known why until now. “My mother said my father fought valiantly with a spear,” he watched as they adjusted their weapon until the cool tip pressed against the base of his throat, “how poetic would it be should he die by one?”

Saizo – He felt the eyes heavy on him, digging in his spine and pushing him forward. Always forward, toward something he wasn’t certain of. For years he’d felt it, content at first to ignore it for passing irritation, until it fell heavier, weighing him down at every opportunity until he felt chained and imprisoned, had grown exhausted under its strain. He felt it heaviest now as the pressure guided him through the wooded terrain. Forward forward forward. The brush opened to a small clearing of a cliffside, where he felt the warm breeze caress his face as his eyes adjusted to the light. A moment later he saw something there in the trees billowing against the wind- fabric torn in shreds, the colors now muted from age, blood stains brightened as if recently freshened. It was a fabric pattern he recognized, a woman’s kimono he hadn’t seen in years yet saw nightly in his nightmares. He felt anger diffuse in his veins despite acceptance having long settled in his bones. “What do you want?” He heard them move now, no longer aiming for stealth, as they stepped into the clearing beside him. He saw them remove their hood and failed to hide his shocked expression as he came face to face with his younger self. Their voice carried a taunting warmth that sent a shiver through him when they spoke, “If you refuse to look back, then I will make you go forward.” He trained his eyes back onto the shredded kimono still swaying on the branch, the sharpened edges pointing him forward as they fluttered. “If I refuse?” When no answer came he turned to find no one beside him, left to question if anyone had even been there or if it was merely his tormented brain playing at deception. The heavy weight of eyes on him returned, suffocating. With one last glance at the garment snapping in the breeze, he turned his eyes towards the cliff edge and went forward.

Masamune – He was never one for many words. He let Kojuro, Shigezane, or his own actions speak for him. So there was silence in the small private kitchen as his page went through movements Masamune’s memory had long ago seen daily but not forgotten. Every action the same, each stir calculated, every dice measured. It was nostalgic yet unfamiliar. Unfeeling and cold where there once was fondness and warmth. As he watched he questioned internally, why it felt the same but not, how were they familiar to him. To her? He had suspicions, saw the patch over their right eye akin to his own that led to more questions never asked aloud. He wondered if propriety or fear that held him back. They caught him staring and he turned away sheepish, chastised. “Milord.” A small grant for him to continue. When he looked up again they were looking at him serenely, solitary eye glassy and viridescent. He brushed his fingertips across the lower ridge of his own eyepatch, a silent question. He jerked as if he had been slapped as they clenched their teeth and swiftly looked away from him. Their hand shook as they set the knife down onto the cutting wood slab, head bent low as they spoke, “I cut it out so my mother would not weep when she looked upon me.” He could feel his heart sliced out anew with each word. He was never one for many words. He regretted each one he never said.

Kojuro – He had grown attached. It had been many years since he’d been so fond of someone and readily taken them under his wing. He felt fulfilled when he watched them grow into their position within the castle, offered his guidance where he could, and scolded where needed. His lord Masamune had given him leave to return home for a few days. Kojuro had insisted to his page that they take a few days off as well, visit family after such a long leave of absence. The invitation to attend him to his own home and family was second nature when they stated they had no relations expecting their company. Though they had readily accepted the invitation they continued to look anything but pleased along the journey and even more displeased still upon arrival. They remained civil but curt to anyone who spoke to them, always scowling as they took in their surroundings, closed off in a way he had never seen of them. It left him feeling unsettled and… hurt. It was possible he’d misjudged their developing bond. A day passed before he noticed them gazing across the garden, tense and unwavering. How they spent their days off was their own prerogative though a niggling crept down his spine when he paused to consider why they appeared so discontent. While he was in the comfort of his quarters, Kogiku ran up to him, eyes fearful as she clutched her ball in her hands. She hadn’t managed to get a word out before his door slid open to a second unannounced guest, his page standing in the doorway, gaze sharp and pointed to Kojuro’s side where Kogiku stood. “Kojuro, they can see me…” His heart lodged in his throat. He could not disguise the shock on his face when they struck him immobile with one look and sneered, “I see only a coward.”

Hideyoshi – He could negotiate. It was what he was best at, what had gotten him this far. He would sooth agitators, settle differences, strike any bargain… so why couldn’t he convince them to not do this? Perhaps he deserved a death this way, not that of a samurai, but of a broken and tattered man. He’d long ago been unarmed, unable to raise his weapon against them once he knew who they were, who they were a part of. He was struck now with words and the edge of a sword over and over until he fell to his knees. Somehow, the words stung worse. “Your fault.” “Left her alone.” “She deserved better.” No rebuttal, no concessions. He had none. Had not the strength to tell his side of events. They were right and this is what had always been coming to him in the end. But if he could not argue for the sake of his own life, he could argue for theirs. “I do not want this life for you,” his voice was slow, weaker than he expected. He tried to smile. Everyone always swayed to his easy smiles. The flash of pain that seared across his belly told him his tactic had failed. “You do not get a say in my life when you were not there to save hers.” That was… fair. Who was he to tell them any different? It was fitting, that he would lose his life to them when she had lost her life because of him. It seemed an even trade. He was a master negotiator and he had convinced himself that this was what he deserved.

Inuchiyo – He had heard she was gone. He came to pay his respects to her family. His second family. Despite her absence, the restaurant still seemed the same. Perhaps it looked a little duller, sounded a little less cheerful. Ok, it wasn’t the same. He sat himself and waited, tried to not focus on the other patrons glaring at him. He hadn’t done anything. What was their problem? Her mother came out and upon seeing him her smile fell. Maybe this was a bad idea. He hadn’t wanted to cause more pain. Mother shuffled over to him, slower than she used to be but he felt a stern warmth when her hand cupped his cheek. “My grandchild will bring you something out in a moment.” Grandchild? Since when? He hadn’t time to ask before she was scuttling off to another patron and back to the kitchen, retreating from his questions. He hadn’t heard of their being an addition to the family. Had Yahiko gotten married in his time away? The glares turned sharper the longer he sat. He wished they would all mind their own damn business. Lost to his own musings he jumped when a bowl clattered in front of him. A dog bowl. An Absolute Victory Dog Bowl. “A meal for the dog then,” someone barked at him. What the hell?! He was ready to throw a punch when he looked up only to find himself winded at the scowl of the person before him. He wasn’t stupid. It only took one look for him to know. He always could recognize her anywhere. He suddenly felt like a mongrel. He picked up the chopsticks and ate in silence.

Ieyasu – He did not trust them. But keep your enemies close and all that nonsense. He had plans for them. Plans that would eradicate them immediately should they prove to be an issue. That’s what he told himself. He certainly spent more time contemplating their existence more than he cared to admit to himself. Disgusting. Something about their appearance, the way they spoke, their mannerisms, rubbed him the wrong way. Left a bitter taste on the back of his tongue, choked him. Reminded him of things he did not want to remember, of times when he had been foolish in thinking he could have had something he was not meant for. So he would laugh at them and play their little game. Yes, that would do. Would turn a blind eye to their plotting and scheming while he devised his own. They wouldn’t notice. It was simply a matter of waiting for the first to strike. When they came into his room he didn’t cower, didn’t flinch when they set food in front of him, didn’t feel a chill down his spine when they smiled. He wasn’t afraid of them. He wasn’t. Why would they just leave already? “Paranoid today, milord?” What? They were doing that smile again. He felt sick. They’d done something to him. “Porridge. Porridge today.” Oh. He didn’t eat, he never did. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing him dead. He’d strike tomorrow. That’s what he always told himself.

Mitsunari – He never held eye contact. He felt like he was looking at himself wrapped in her softened edges. It made him angry yet he couldn’t find it in himself to dismiss the newest page from service. They hardly spoke aloud to him, offering a “Yes, milord” only when necessary before scuttling off. Even their voice reminded him of his past, of a time when he could have indulged in happiness had he allowed himself. He had suspected, began creating a personal scroll listing logistics behind his hypothesis that perhaps this page was somehow connected to her… and even himself. He could have asked outright but found himself afraid of the answer, not knowing which answer he even truly wanted. It wasn’t until he’d off-handedly asked that an evening snack be brought to him that his suspicions were confirmed. A plate of manju, freshly made, set before him. When the flavor fell onto his tongue, perfect. The last bullet point of his scroll completed. He forced himself to swallow past the lump in this throat and inquired where the food had come. “My mother taught me how to make them, milord, before she passed. They were our favorite.” In an instant, the manju tasted no better than ash. “They were once my favorite too.” He didn’t know why he shared that information, near involuntary, his body betraying him - a subconscious attempt at connecting, an olive branch extended. When he saw their eyes, his own eyes, gazing back at him, he resisted the urge to look away as they spoke. With three words Mitsunari felt what was left of his broken heart slightly mended. “She said so.”

Kenshin – He was seeing a ghost. It was a ghost far more beautiful than he imagined they could ever be. He continued to see it, weaving through the halls of his castle, turning a corner before he had a chance to call out to them, glancing over its shoulder to look at him before shifting away with a look of sadness. Are you real? Why have you come to haunt me? It took little more than a few words to a retainer to determine he wasn’t seeing a ghost, others saw them too, the newest recruit to the Uesugi clan – the ethereal creature that floated through air and hypnotized any who glanced upon them. It took fewer words for the enchanting being to become his page. Desperate was he to gaze upon their otherworldly comeliness every day. How selfish of him to use someone else in hopes of seeing her in his mind’s eye. Nobody questioned when he became fascinated with new beauty. Once, in a time long passed when he had more smiles to share, he might have considered having them for himself, but with them he felt the need to protect, nourish, and provide for in a way he never had – a paternal ember catching flame and roaring to life with an intensity that snuffed out all other thoughts. Somehow, a deep part of him, woven through his marrow, knew it was what she would have wanted. She had somehow sent this resplendent phantom to him. This he would keep. He would keep them with him where he couldn’t keep her and he would give up everything to do so.

Shingen – He recognized the hair. He had never seen anyone else carry the same shade. He saw it in the way they moved, stalking around and eyeing everything and everyone with a keen curiosity. They had the blood of a tiger. What he didn’t know was what they had come for. They sat and listened to him lecture advice, had soaked in his words of offered insight on life, relations, and war. They had risen through the ranks until they were nearly at his side in all matters. They never asked for anything in return, merely doing as was befitting of their duties before prowling once again. They were sharp and in his old age he was in need of new claws, so was it wrong for him to groom them for his place? “I will adopt you as my own.” It wasn’t a question so much as an offer, one that was brushed over with ease. “I will adopt you as my own.” A formality really as they were already of his flesh. “I will adopt you as my own.” Another attempt, another refusal. He wasn’t used to his generosity falling upon deaf ears. “Are you afraid of your tiger being shackled?” he had called out to them one evening, saw the recognition in their eyes as they realized that yes, he knew. Though he saw no malice he did not see relief nor any sign of a tiger relaxing to stretch along a threshold and accept a home. He tried again, “I will adopt you as my own,” and waited. He was left waiting.

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workingonthevices · 7 years

Text

Because it’s important, the following is how I interpret the affair between Joseph and Robert. It is how I generally approach the affair, and this is what I consider canon for this blog. Unless otherwise noted, which will likely be immensely rare, this is how I approach this.

Please note, this is a repost of this meta from my personal blog. The original version of the post is located here. (Just to be very clear here: if you’re interested in that sort of thing, do not reblog this post, reblog the one I just linked at my personal.)

The short form:

Joseph is truthful about two things: Robert propositioned Joseph, the affair ended that night. Joseph, however, leaves out one key thing: they had an emotional affair before that. Factoring in Robert’s poor emotional and mental health push him into self-destructive coping mechanisms, I frame the proposition as: Robert had a lapse (in the sense of an addiction or recovery) but Joseph made a conscious decision. Afterward, Joseph told Robert that what Robert remembered of the affair was wrong: there was no emotionally intimate relationship, only shallow casual sex—gaslighting.

The comparative form:

You know how the MC cultivates a relationship with Robert, in which Robert comes to feel he can seek emotional support from the MC and eventually be emotionally vulnerable? And, Robert comes to an emotional crisis which makes him confront his self-loathing, loneliness, and repeated failure to overcome his issues and improve as a person, and he tries to address (or not address, rather) how he feels with sex? And you can choose “Tell him what he wants to hear”, and the MC will sweep away Robert’s issues, minimize Robert’s need to get better, and lean into Robert’s tendency to use sex to cope to get laid? Then, when Robert didn’t get better, despite the MC internally acknowledging they have responsibility it, the MC outright chastises Robert and puts most of the blame on Robert—despite him taking the MC’s advice and him standing no chance without support against it all? And how it’s all generally self-centered and selfish of the MC to do this and pretend that he didn’t help point Robert toward this road and helped him get started on the path?

Well, considering the photograph on Joseph’s yacht, it’s my belief that Joseph ran this exact route and he chose “Tell him what he wants to hear”.

The long form:

Robert has a lot of issues. He’s barely a functioning human being. Most relevant here is that Robert is a) an immensely lonely person b) who struggles a lot with self-loathing c) and has failed to make lasting progress in previous attempts to improve d) because he lacks a significant support system or any individual support e) so uses casual sex, and alcoholism, as a means to cope with loneliness and self-loathing and to deflect from facing his emotional issues head-on. Robert has ruined every close relationship in his life, he believes his wife died hating him to mention one relationship, and his life is marked with deep unhappiness.

Robert doesn’t say much about his and Joseph’s relationship other than he thinks Joseph a bad person and a backstabber. Joseph attributes Robert’s animosity as stemming from Robert’s complicated relationship with casual sex and describes their relationship as a one-night stand, an affair that ended the same day it began. A photograph on Joseph’s yacht shows Joseph and Robert happy together, with Robert wearing a sweater that’s implied to belong to Joseph. This photograph throws doubt on Joseph’s version of events. Robert is not the type who casually wears others clothing, and it implies a past closeness between them that no longer exists. Mary knows about the affair between Joseph and Robert. Despite this, she remains dear friends with Robert. It’s unusual for people who have been cheated on to become or remain close friends with those their partner cheated with, unless they felt their partner in some way took advantage or that there are, for lack of a better word, extenuating circumstances that lessen the responsibility of the other party.

How did this affair start? Joseph is charming and charismatic. He is emotionally intelligent, and he often displays empathy and concern for those around him. Though he is a youth minister, he puts himself out in the community as one who will help adults work through their issues and support them in trying times, including difficulties with the end of a relationship. It is my belief that Robert felt drawn into a friendship with Joseph because of this (coupled with proximity since Joseph is married to Robert’s close friend Mary). Joseph was probably an emotional support for Robert in the years after Marilyn’s death and in Robert’s losing struggle against self-destructiveness.

Joseph, in his own crumbling marriage, was similarly unhappy and lonely, and he sought a fix for it outside his marriage—from someone who sought him for support. The relationship likely deepened into an emotional intimacy and ultimately became an emotional affair. From where Robert is standing in things, I don’t doubt that Robert knew what was going on. It’s reasonable to ask: if Robert knew what was going on, why didn’t he end it? However, when Robert has so few supports and when Robert is as terribly lonely as it is, I expect he found it impossible to break the relationship or resist the draw of emotional intimacy. He has been lacking it for a long time. Perhaps, for the first time in years, Robert felt good about himself, felt content and loved. How could he end the affair and go back to loneliness and self-loathing? If Robert had a stronger and more extensive support system, I’d imagine it would’ve been so much easier—but he’s in a terrible situation and he has little outside support and little personal strength to get himself out of it.

I imagine for Joseph, he felt similarly content and loved for the first time in a long time. And such, there was a period of contentment in both of them, the emotional affair without any sort of physical consummation of the relationship.

I stress here, because Joseph puts himself out as an aid and a counselor in the community, it is inappropriate for him to be pursuing emotionally intimate relationships with those who seek his aid or those who are desperately in need of the kind of aid he provides. There’s some argument to be made that Robert and Joseph were normal friends, without this added dimension, or that it doesn’t necessarily apply because it isn’t a formal counseling setting. It is my belief, however, that the dynamic inherently disadvantaged Robert, who is mentally ill and emotionally unhealthy, and that Joseph, as someone who is emotionally intelligent and acts as a counselor-type figure in the community, ought to have taken more care to avoid this. While there’s something to say here about possible difficult for Joseph to support for himself, the pressures of having to keep up a perfect appearances, the inability to find an outlet for the frustrations in his marriage, Joseph is arguably in a much better position to do so. Joseph isn’t fighting against numerous self-destructive tendencies at all times, Joseph isn’t as isolated as Robert is, Joseph doesn’t struggle to make social contacts, Joseph isn’t deeply emotionally unhealthy.

Emotions are a messy business, however, and Robert nearly has messy as a primary character trait. On Robert’s third date, when Val is driving up to “patch things up” with Robert, he is forced to confront his failure as a father, his failure to make lasting progress in his self-improvement, his constant losing battle with self-destructiveness, and his deep self-loathing. To distract himself from it, he tries to initiate sex with the MC. This appears to be a pattern of behavior with Robert, and he uses sex to keep his mind off his issues and his negative feelings. Generally speaking, sex is often used as a coping mechanism for self-loathing because one temporarily feels good. It’s my belief that Robert suffered some emotional crisis—someone with as complicated and repressed an emotional life as Robert does likely faces them regularly—and he fell back on old coping mechanisms: he propositioned Joseph for sex because that was how Robert knew how to deal with this crisis. Joseph, marriage still crumbling and caught up in an emotional affair with Robert, accepted.

While it’s true that Joseph was caught in a deeply unhappy marriage, and it’s true that Robert knew that Joseph was married, when propositioned, the onus falls on the married one—it is their responsibility to their commitment. Even that aside, I again point to what I believe is an inherently unbalanced dynamic in their relationship.

Generally, I characterize this moment as: Joseph made a conscious decision, Robert had a lapse (in the sense of an addiction or recovery).

I believe here that Joseph was faced with a choice much in the way the MC is during Robert’s third date: he can rebuff Robert and make Robert take up the difficult, but much healthier, task of facing his issues in the face (tell him what he needs to hear) or he can let Robert remain comfortable in his self-destructiveness and use this moment to advantage to deal with his own issues or own desires (tell him what he wants to hear). Whether it’s Joseph doing it or the MC doing it, in both cases, it is selfish and arguably irresponsible: it is consciously prioritizing their own feelings over helping someone who is spiraling and is seeking them out as support. As for whether or not Joseph understood this, I believe he did; Joseph, again, is an emotionally intelligent and generally empathetic person.

Exactly how the relationship ended is unknown. I believe Joseph is telling the truth when he says that the affair ended the night he and Robert had sex. The how exactly it ended isn’t much concern of mine, and it doesn’t factor in much in my stance on the relationship—it’s more how Joseph dealt with it afterward that concerns me. Still, speculating on the end of things...

It is possible that Robert acted much in the way that he does after “tell him what he wants to hear”: Robert goes cold and becomes immediately emotionally distant with the MC. Robert doesn’t end the relationship, but the MC is alienated by Robert choosing not to see Val and even try to improve as a person. It is important to note that when Robert explains his decision, he quotes the advice the MC gave him while the MC was reinitiating the sex; the MC appears to understand this and feels “a wave of guilt” before chastising Robert for not even trying. Robert ends the relationship with the MC; he believed that the MC was alright with Robert as he was and that the MC did not ask Robert to get better, but he is hurt when it turns out wrong and the MC dislikes Robert for not getting better. He tells the MC that he is also a bad person and remarks: “Funny how easy it was for you to look past this when it meant you got laid.” I tend to believe that the “tell him what he wants to hear” option involves both the MC and Robert knowing that the advice the MC gives is bad advice; however, where the MC hopes that Robert has the strength to ignore the advice and Robert, who never has the strength to surmount his issues on his own, takes it as leave to remain comfortable in his self-destruction.

Robert and Joseph’s relationship could have played out similarly: where Joseph chastises Robert for failing to go through with self-improvement, while Robert was only following the path that Joseph pointed him toward. In both cases, I’d argue, Robert feels that he was taken advantage of: others are willing to ignore and even indulge his issues as long as it benefits them, but when it becomes inconvenient, they chastise him and ignore they helped him play his hand. They’ve left him out to dry and blame him entirely to absolve themselves of blame. Even if this isn’t exactly what happened, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how it goes exactly, I tend to believe followed this structure: feeling guilty, he reframes the issue to remove his own role in the mistake, increasing the amount of blame on Robert and minimizing the amount of blame he himself must carry.

At the same time, it is also possible that Joseph immediately ended the relationship himself. Feeling guilt that he was now engaging in a sexual affair, he ended things. He dropped his relationship with Robert completely, including any friendship. This relationship, however, is one of few very close relationships Robert has and is one of few things that makes Robert feel good about himself; as a result, Robert feels hurt and betrayed and used, his coping mechanisms co-opted for Joseph’s needs. The moment Joseph got what he wanted, or the moment it becomes inconvenient for Joseph, Robert is thrown out without hesitation.

What happens after the relationship ended is the most important to me.

Much of Joseph’s place in the community relies on his reputation, and Joseph appears very dedicated to the image of himself others see. He must maintain a cultivated and perfect image of a clean-cut, faithful husband. While he cannot outright deny the affair, he likely sought to minimize the damage of it as possible. A short, one night indiscretion is less damaging than a lengthy emotional affair.

I don’t think Joseph’s actions at any point, during the affair or after it, were malicious; I believe that he thought only of himself, not of Mary whom he was cheating on, not of Robert whom he was hurting by drawing him into a relationship Robert couldn’t resist. I just believe that Joseph was selfish and irresponsible. Much of what he did was cater to his own feelings at the expense of others, keep the dirt off himself by pushing others into the mud and climbing over them. There’s much to say about how it’s difficult for Joseph to find support for himself, the pressures of having to keep up a perfect appearances, the inability to find an outlet for the frustrations in his marriage—but, again, it is my belief that his relationship with Robert was inherently skewed and that the onus of responsibility was inherently more on Joseph, who made the much more active decisions in this mess.

There’s no really good place to note this but, while it’s true that Joseph hates to be lied to, that does not necessarily mean that he himself dislikes to lie or to reframe the truth. People who think of themselves first or who are thinking selfishly in situations, they tend to hypocritically allow themselves to do what they dislike others doing. They don’t believe it’s a two-way street.

There’s even the way that Joseph tells the MC about the affair: Joseph reminds the MC about Robert and casual sex, he ensures that’s clear in the MC’s mind, then he tells the MC about it making sure to emphasize that Robert asked first, Joseph characterizes himself as weak and vulnerable, pushing the MC to comfort Joseph. Even though Joseph says that he himself is partially to blame, the framing of it causes most of it to land on Robert—to the point that the MC blames Robert. Again, the photograph casts doubt on the way Joseph frames it and indicates that there’s more to it than he’s telling. Joseph engaged in a reframing of the entire situation, a denial that it takes two to tango, that probably Robert was acting under the context of an already intimate affair, and absolves Joseph of as much blame as possible while pushing more of it onto Robert.

Even though there’s evidence that the relationship was a long and close one, Joseph tells the main character that his relationship with Robert was only a sexual one confined to a single night. By denying what really happened, by reframing the events and leaving out certain things about their relationship before the sexual aspect of the affair, changing the entire narrative to best serve Joseph’s attempts to maintain the image of himself he needs others to see, he’s gaslighting Robert, both directly and by proxy. He’s telling Robert, and telling Robert through other people, that what Robert remembers is wrong—there was no emotional affair, there was no emotionally intimate relationship. Only shallow, casual sex.

It’s this denial that is most damning in my opinion. Rather than responsibly own up to the entire, long affair, and risk tarnishing his reputation, Joseph gaslights Robert to minimize the damage—leaving Robert out in the cold, forced to relapse with the loss of the only emotionally intimate and supportive relationship he had, while Joseph stays, mostly, clean.

#Figure Some Things Out (Meta).

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