#if u try to be accurate to how they are when the comics made most sense they would not be a cohesive family unit lmao
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Fandom discourses are inherently messy bcs it concerns how ppl interpret text and media, but i feel like when it concerns mainstream cape comics character accuracy, at the base of it, you can’t really win.
Theres a conversation to be had about mcu adaptations and the motives of streamlining characters to fit ur multibillion dollar franchise under the evil mouse corporation, fucking over the aspects of representation they try to sell to you then having these mangled versions end up being the defining incarnation to the general public.
But for my purposes this is mainly concerning dc.
The nature of the serialization for these comics being a collaborative effort of ever-changing writers in an ever-expanding universe mean that for the most part, every decision made would disservice at least one character, and consequently piss someone off.
Having books where most of its supporting characters are fully developed with their own runs seem to be a double-edged sword where there should be plenty of material to draw from and build plots around, but only under the assumption that the writers read the comics of the characters they write about.
And then in the events that a character long neglected gets brought back and remolded to be a tag-a-long in someone else’s series, or a reboot nerfs a character real bad, with whatever trickle-down effect it causes, if said characterization ends up being adopted in canon longer than their original incarnation,
At what point does that first personality become the one actually considered ooc? How much consistent appearance of what you consider ‘bad writing’ has to be there before u have to accept that making them not be like that is the deviation?
Current decisions in dc of soft reboots and having all their characters remember what happened pre-new52, but not erasing the aspects readers hated from said reboot, and not at all exploring how that knowledge would affect the characters, coupled with how they dont seem to keep track of character developments in other books, make trying to keep up with continuity itself feel like an exercise in futility.
You might get runs with the intention of repairing damages that might fix characterization issues to a point, but also feels like a regression of all the development they should’ve had.
Depending on your comic entry point, your blorbo, and what aspects of said blorbo you connect with, how you interact and which canons you adopt would be wildy varied, and like, you probably wont be wrong for it.
Its also very understandable when regarding characters that have so much history and adaptations people end up going off more accessible and streamlined incarnations, like say, a free webtoon on a big platform or other fanworks.
Is it annoying when larger fanon doesnt fit how you perceive those characters and dynamics? Sure. Are they wrong? Well??? Again, thats free game.
Fandom has always been drawn to exploration and extrapolation, and the way mainstream superhero comics are written dont tend to linger on big character/plot beats. Theres plenty of play room and its easy to headcanon someone one way or another.
Sometimes it can end up creating a more in-depth and nuanced version of a character you’d probably never see in the hand of canon writers, other times they get flattened in all the wrong angles.
But being a fan of mainstream cape comics is so rarely rewarding, the nature of it really is to just pick and choose whatever parts of it brings you the most joy. No one wins in this dnsnsnsns.
That tweet that said ‘the best way to enjoy fandom is to keep it between you and 3 or 4 likeminded friends’ really is the best way to keep u sane in these things.
#shut up roppie#comic meta#well more specifically#dc meta#i guess#more accurately#batman meta#REALLY#also posted this on twt but i needed to get it out in longer wording#on the topic of wfa its actually funny how it seems that the writers actually have read the defining runs of the characters#yet make the executive decision to bend it to fit fanon#and considering its an elseworld slice of life comedy where theyre a happy family that tracks#if u try to be accurate to how they are when the comics made most sense they would not be a cohesive family unit lmao#wait i g this is actually#fandom meta
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https://www.tumblr.com/mostly-mundane-atla/710894569738387456/this-sounds-pretty-accurate-but-there-is-another what do u think ??
Okay, here are the bits I agree with:
1 - Some Azula fans are trying way too damn hard to make her a "Girlboss" that never did anything wrong. This is legitimatelly something I have seen happen A LOT lately and it gets on my nerves SO BAD.
2 - Some Azula fans focus a just a little bit too much on the sad aspects of her character/story, mainly her loneliness and how she felt nobody loved her (Note: I'm being generous here because most of the time people bring that to remind me people that, no, just because she was the favorite child of an ABUSIVE parent it doesn't mean that her life was easy, but I HAVE seen the "character sad, therefore character good" a few times).
The stuff that I don't agree with it AT ALL:
1 - "Cersei Lannister is a character that is like Azula." No. Just no. I know the fandom likes to joke about some simmilarities between both shows or borrow elements from that story to our fanfics, but Avatar is not Game Of Thrones, and Azula is not Cersei. Their personalities are not that simmilar, nor their family situations. Cersei is far more reckless, blood thirsty, downright vile ADULT WOMAN, she never got a single shred of respect from her father or ANYONE, and her main way of manipulating people is to go the Femme Fatale route and seduce them. Not at all like the pragmatic (but not sadistic), prodigious, awkward princess that can't flirt to save her life and that everyone respects/fears. Even the whole "When you play the Game Of Thrones, you win or you die" doesn't really apply because Cersei sacrificed nearly everything to remain the queen, while Azula literally brought Zuko back home, making him the heir to the throne again. They. Are. Not. The. Same. (I won't get into the other characters mentioned because I don't know who they are)
2 - "Azula isn't that well written" Unless we're considering the comics, in which EVERYONE was poorly written, I'm gonna die on the hill that this is just wrong. Azula was not redeemed, yes, and Bryke seems to not understand her, but the way her story and arc went in the show makes perfect logical sense to me - I just don't think that's where or how it should end. We can argue over whether her story is finished, not on if she's well-written character and a deliberately sympathetic villain that was also REALLY good at being a villain.
3 - "Azula doesn't have a lot going on" Bullshit. Regardless of redemption or not, Azula IS a complex character - yes, even if she is the villain of a Nickelodeon cartoon (WEIRD argument to claim she can't be that deep - this is literally a show about war, genocide and abusive families, which is why it stood out to people because NOBODY expected Nick to go there). We literally see her having a mental breakdown after years of abuse, indoctrination and VERY bad decisions that ruined every relationship she had finally caught up with her. I consider this a lot, just like I consider things like waking up one day and finding out EVERYONE you knew and loved has been gone for a hundred years or dealing with the fact your father is an abusive piece of shit that is totally okay with disfiguring and banishing you because you dared to speak out of turn. For fuck's sake, the existence of The Beach as an episode proves this claim wrong because the whole point of that episode is "These villainous Fire Nation teens have some hidden depths."
4 - "There are better stories with better/more complex characters" Again, weird argument. I think Beauty And The Beast is the best Disney movie and that Mulan is the best disney princess, but I still adore Snow White despite her story being VERY simple. And even though I like these stories that all have endings, I like the dark fantasy and heavy on politics story of Game Of Thrones - and even though I think the books are better, I still like the first half of the show despite the changes made to the story. This is not a "Either this or that" situation. You can think something isn't perfect or deep and STILL like it.
5 - "She's not a real person, she's a character on a show therefore her not needing to 'deserve' redemption is irrevelant because what matters is what benefits the story and Azula's redemption wouldn't do that" Really? You're pulling that shit? In a show like ATLA? The show that said "Everyone is capable of great good and great evil"? The show that repeatedly says "Friendship and kindness are going to save the day?"? The show that had one of the bad guys redeem himself by befriending the good guys and visiting his abusive father in jail and saying "Maybe this will make you have a change of heart?" THIS show would not benefit or stay consistent to it's themes if the villain that desperately craves love and validation learned that the way she tried to get these things was wrong and started being a better person who'd eventually be healthy, loved and accepted? Give me a break.
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Jason Grace deserves more recognition
As a person who read HoO first I had a unbiased perspective on the series I saw Jason for wat he was and idolized him for it he was one of the best shafted MC’s I’ve ever seen even throughout all the bs Rick put him through people forget to look at Jason’s life from a real life perspective he has one of the worst lives in the series even with the little information we kno this man was separated from his already dysfunctional family at 2! raised and trained by wolves until he was 3 then admitted into an army as a TODDLER keep in mind the camp is named after this man’s father with the expectations people had on him he was perceived more as a movie or comic character who u knew had to live up to the standards set what made it worst is Jason never wanted to be the chosen one but nonetheless he still never faltered bcuz in his mind if not him who else? constantly met or exceeded the expectations over and over furthering this image no one considering how he felt or what he thought when it came to himself fast forward Jason has served 12 years in the legion the most for his age in history and risen through the ranks as a compassionate composed leader it took the Nico moment for people to see Jason’s empathy but even as far back as choosing his cohort they wanted to automatically admit him to the first cohort and best cohort but he chose the shunned and frowned upon 5th cohort out of dislike of the stereotype and to try to alter his destiny of a son of Jupiter making his own path he brought glory to it by accomplishing all sorts of things such as killing the Trojan sea monster which was said to be the size of a sky scraper, killing ghouls and returning bacchus leopard,and the feat that rose him to the rank of praetor when he fought krios won and toppled Kronos throne Jason tried to be the best praetor he could even trying to change sum traditions such as the name of the legion to 1st symbolizing renewal Jason’s entire career at Camp Jupiter had been built on careful choices. He mediated between demigods, listened to all sides of an argument, and made compromises. He was always the leader and never on a team of equals now after doing everything everyone expected of him never really taking the time to think much of his desires or personal life in general shown by him not being aware of reyna’s feelings Jason just grew to fill the shoes he was given even if he didn’t want to wear them THEN the person who took him from his family wiped his memory and put him on a bus with 2 people with false memories claiming to be his friend and gf I don’t understand how people don’t get how disorienting that is atleast Percy remembered annabeth he still got the better treatment even though Jason got shafted his whole life and writing wise also under is a short post I made about people ignoring Jason’s life personality and feats sorry for the rant but I hate that jason couldn’t catch a break in life death or reality and don’t get me started on what Rick did to him and piper in ToA😞
It’s as if jason story doesn’t exist bcuz rick doesn’t fully tell it people give so many accurate defenses for Jason and most get brushed off or unheard it’s crazy how a undisputed top 3 demigod of his generation lore and logic wise is disrespected so much there was literally a trend on TikTok of Jason saying he could’ve killed percy and it being treated as a joke AS IF ANY OTHER CHARACTER COULD SAY THE SAME OR LEGITIMATELY GIVE HIM A CHALLENGE without amps 🤦🏾♂️ ts is ridiculous he barely have feats and people still ignore them like how many of y’all kno this man had a hand in slaying the most giants and was the only one to 1v1 one and hold his ground for an extended period of time then proceed to fight wolves and injure the king giant shit doesn’t make any sense I’m also here for any LOGICAL disputes
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Count Dracula (1977)
The 1977 BBC tv film Count Dracula might be the best adaptation of Stoker’s novel.
Other adaptations like the 1931, 1958 and 1992 films might have claims to be better as films, but as adaptations they largely ignore the novel in various ways. The 1992 film adapts perhaps a lot of scenes from the novel, but in its storyline, it is more of an adaptation of The Mummy from 1932 than of Stoker’s book. And the 1931 and 1958 films called Dracula are rightfully regarded as peaks of vampire horror movies, but are very unfaithful to the novel.
The 1977 BBC film however is remarkably faithful, with Gerald Savory’s script taking a lot of dialogue straight from the book. There are changes of course, the largest of which is probably the removal of Arthur Holmwood, whose character is instead merged into Quincey, to save time and simplify the film’s character list. There are others changes, like how Mina and Lucy are sisters, and Dracula looks the same throughout and has no moustache.
Yet the 1977 film is probably the film adaptation most based in the book. The film’s length of 2 and a half hours helps in conveying the scope of the book. This faithfulness is to its advantage, as the novel’s characters are usually more interesting than the pop cultural versions of them.
Renfield in this movie is probably the best movie version of the character. It spends time on making him a complex and sympathetic character. It gives him a genuine character arc, where he falls under Dracula’s spell but out of care for Mina rebels against Dracula’s hold on him and pays the ultimate price. Actor Jack Shepard’s portrayal is excellent. Most movie versions cut the character or just make Renfield a creepy bug-eating weirdo, and the 1977 version, by taking more of the character from the novel makes him actually interesting.
The acting and the rather faithful to the novel portrayal of the characters is this version’s greatest strength.
Irish actor Bosco Hogan as Jonathan Harker has an unfortunately 1970s hairstyle, but manages to create a close to definitive performance as Harker. He manages to convey this dynamic character’s whole register, from charming naivety at the story’s start, to haggard traumatized suffering to the fiery determined Jonathan of the story finale.
Frank Finlay as Van Helsing is another definitive portrayal. He truly feels like the Van Helsing of the book, silly fake Dutch accent and all.
Judi Bowker as Mina Harker is also close to definitive. She portrays Mina as a woman who is compassionate and kind yet her kindness is also a strength of spirit, which enables her to resist Dracula’s vampirism. She gets to save Jonathan by shooting his attacker in the film’s climax.
I also like Susan Penhaligon as Lucy Westenra, who conveys a likeable Lucy, and you do feel for her when she is victimized and turned into a monster by Dracula.
Richard Barnes as Quincey has a terrible American cowboy accent, it’s the epitome of an English actor trying to have an American accent. But like with Van Helsing its awfulness feels oddly accurate to how Stoker wrote it, as funny as that sounds. He is a goofy character because of that terrible cowboy accent, almost comic relief, although it’s nice to have Quincey in a Dracula adaptation for once. He is usually left out of adaptations, because the cowboy in a gothic horror feels out of place. Here Arthur has been merged into Quincey, which if anything is the opposite of how most adaptations do it, usually cutting Quincey and keeping Arthur if he is around.
Louis Jourdan as Dracula is an interesting take on the character. Jourdan goes for a suave and handsome Dracula, compared to the book, he doesn’t even de-age into attractiveness. I’m not attracted to men, but I can sense his charisma. And this well-spoken and handsome Dracula probably is attractive to a lot of people. I can barely believe that Jourdan was in his mid 50s when the film was made, he looks at least 15 years younger.
Yet it works, because underneath the charm Jourdan’s Dracula is fundamentally the same character as the book Dracula. He is not a sympathetic misunderstood Byronic hero. Underneath his handsome and suave exterior he is the same monster, selfish and destructive. Jourdan manages to convey a genuine air of menace even when he is being soft-spoken and suave. He exudes a threatening air of complete confidence when he speaks, like he is just playing with his food by having an erudite conversation with his future victim. He can charm and seduce people, but only to destroy them. It’s good acting by Jourdan and a great take on the character.
The film is a tv movie, and it certainly looks cheap compared to some theatrical productions. It’s visibly 70s British tv. The sets really do look like sets, and the switch to video for location shoots is obvious. This movie is uploaded to youtube a lot and youtube compression makes it look absolutely terrible, yet even my dvd copy does show its age and origin.
Yet Philip Saville’s direction is intelligent and tries to do some visually interesting things. There are some nice shots that add to the gothic atmosphere. And there is an attempt to do new things with the TV format, like a POV shaky cam shot, which was probably unusual for TV in 1977. Some of its experiments do fail, like the negative images used to convey the supernatural of Dracula’s power. But the film tries to be visually interesting within the limitations of 70s TV
Overall Count Dracula is a success. It is not the most visually exciting adaptation, but it tries its best within the budget limitations. The overall faithfulness to the novel of the script and the high level of the acting means the characters are more compelling than most pop culture versions of Dracula. Again, there might be better films based on Dracula, but this is probably the best actual adaptation.
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okay so. im like. idk ANY music theory. like. at all apart from when i played the piano for a couple years when i was like 7. so. this is definitely the ramblings of a guy who is being very autistic about bug video game. and nothing more. (and also has been done before i am purely doing this for @exnihilo-comic bc they asked me on my thoughts) BUT. i am sooooo fucking insane about the hollow knight ost. (LONGGGG post below the cut)
SO LIKE. theres OBVIOSULY the like. main theme yknow. thats in enter hallownest and the title screen song. the one that goes likeeee errr. (wait i gotta look up smth rq)
OKAY SO THERES THIS. (just taken from here) :
anddd theres this :
WHICH is like. yknow. the whole Big leitmotif of. Everything. BUT. the thing is. i was wondering which songs specifically it is in. bc like. im hoping its not just. hallownest’s motif. and more for smth specifically. BUT YEA. so so far theres obviously the title screen and enter hallownest (which is the trailer music im p sure ?)(ok yea it was the ferocious foes trailer music). BUT. im gonna go thru all the songs n see which ones have this in (i will not be accurate as im going by ear since errrrr. im not the best at reading sheet music)
okay well dirtmouth (taken from here) IMMEDIATELY has the theme in it (with the bit in red missing)
it is clearly slower n in a dif key but like. the same theme
and pretty much most of the melody of dirtmouth is like. essentially this same theme. just a loaddd slower. and in a dif key. im not gonna screenshot each comparison and try to pinpoint each difference bc. like ive said, idk music theory. i just like video game osts.
okay so crossroads is a little more difficult but to me it sounds like it possibly has the same chord progression ? but i may be speaking out my arse so someone who actually knows what theyre talking abt could draw comparisons.
altho i DO want to talk abt the crossroads track. this is the part where i start bullshitting FULLY. so like smth i LOVE abt it is how very drawn out each note is. like it sets the scene of hk PERFECTLY. its like. the track feels a lot more loose ? i suppose ? than the other songs you wouldve heard by now. which ig feels like it rlly shows how sorta. abandoned and like. i mean “forgotten” the “forgotten” crossroads rlly r. like they have no sorta form left but its clear that crossroads was once a place w a lot more life in it besides the handful of npcs u meet there (well like. yknow. uninfected life). but the one thing abt the crossroads track is that it sounds. calm yknow. which does reflect the crossroads compared 2 the other locations. the enemies there r simple enough to defeat and theres plenty of safe spots. its right under dirtmouth so its (before its infected) the safest area a player will explore for a whileeee. anyways ye the crossroads track is cool.
okay w the false knight battle theme i wasnt RLLY gonna say anything abt it BUT. it does actually have the main theme in it.
(link)
sooo yea so far the only connection ive made is Almost Every Song Has This Theme In It.
oh also in the false knight theme there is this ONE bit that sounded a little like the very beginning of the mantis lords theme to me but idk theyre not the CLOSEST just similar.
anyways next song: greenpath. so i THINK its happened again and THE WHOLE BIG LEITMOTIF IS ONCE AGAIN HERE.
like dirtmouth it is slower and in a different key but thats definitely it. which honestly was unexpected i didnt think it was in any area music. so once again, i think this is in literally almost EVERY track so thats making me more wonder abt the tracks its NOT in. but ill come to that later maybe. what i do want to know is if theres anything else in greenpaths track thats in another song. what im thinking is perhaps therell be a similarity between greenpath and hornets battle music ?
okay this sorta call and response thing here is interesting to me because it sounds veryyyy familiar to me. (everytime i have heard it tho it just sounds like either hornets voice at some point or when sly says gibolen mas sooo take this as u will. i am however listening 2 a couple of hornets lines and the closest i think there is is when she says la fe nuva nido or whatever that gibberish is) anyways the call and response interests me.
anyways more abt greenpaths song in general terms, i do love how this one feels a lot more full of life than crossroads, because crossroads felt very barren w the blue and the brick(?) whereas greenpath is full of life, just in the sense of scenery. its (obviously) a lot greener and full of plant life which already feels loads more alive. and the enemies there also arent simply just husks (AND EVIL SAP MONSTERS) theres like. theres moss creatures and fucking squits and those shooty wall things and just a whole lot more life, and that is reflected very well in the track bc it sounds a lot more full and like it has actual emotion. and even the battle theme (like where u fight the moss knight) is a lotttt more emotional and tense than crossroads’ - which feels a lot more like just sorta. primal fear what with a beat that sounds almost like a heartbeat and the repetitive drums. but greenpaths battle theme is a LOT more lively and dance-like and it has DEPTH. idk i thinkkk im rambling a little but i do love greenpaths contrast with crossroads
OKAY. hornets battle theme. smth obviously noticed a lot before is her theme is comprised of only string instruments (yknow bc. shes a spider n uses a needle and will star in SILKsong so like. yeah. string) ONCE AGAIN. the main motif is in this song surprise surprise. (link)
altho smth interesting abt it is how it changes depending on which half of the theme is playing. for the first half the er. whatever u call the top bit i forgot. is playing it (and im prettyyy sure its a violin or viola or smth similar). but then it switches to the er. bottom line. and is played by a perhaps cello ??? smth lower than the first instrument. and different. which i think is a nice little thing AND is similar to the call and response from greenpath.
thats p much all i can say in terms of “technical” stuff BUT. in terms of vibes. I love how perfect this is for hornets fight. it definitely reflects how shes a lot more agile than the false knight and depends less on pure strength and more on her movement in the arena. i love how very fast paced it is AND HOW HAPPY IT IS. it is a VERY happy piece because hornet is ENJOYING HERSELF. bc yes her and ghost r fighting but she never wants to HURT it (even if i DIED to her like. a million times.) and WE never hurt her, we just beat her (and if ur a speedrunner, bully her in a corner) but she laughs during the fight, she has silly little battle cries, shes having a FUN TIME. which is shown in the music bc its CONSISTENTLY HAPPY. also the very sharp and sorta staccato (see i know SOME music terminology) notes throughout r veryyy fitting for the fights pacing and hornets attacks.
Okay this has been sitting in mt drafts for a bit and idk i might rb w add ons but j think i was just on smth else that night bc ive never been like. In the Mindset(tm) to do more of this. Ok. Have fun exnihilo person. Yea.
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hi i’m writing a spades slick fancomic and stumbled across your blog and it is so freaking fascinating to me. i thought i had a pretty good understanding of slick as a character but ur stuff makes me feel like a dumb doodoo baby… . i was wondering what u think when you see that kind of non-headcanony fan creation where the fan clearly has a passion and believes themselves to Get the character they’re creating about but also manages to miss or ignore clear aspects of them?
hello. i am interested in seeing your comic maybe you can share it. i have been thinking of your question but I need to say first that idk why you are so intent on getting my opinion about this i don’t think it’s something that should really matter so much for you especially on this topic... as in you shouldnt really CARE about character opinions you disagree with from people you don’t know. I see a lot of people who i would say that description applies to. but the thing with being part of large online fanbases is that a large amount of people are probably going to think this description applies to each other anyway regardless of anyones attention to base lore. if we go back to the core this is really all about worldviews and the lens with which we view AND comprehend the base material as well as the context with which it was made... it goes like this for everyone: we read the comic and understand/digest it and then regurgitate the characters and extrapolate their behaviour for new and different circumstances to make new stories. -> the ART of creation. and some people have varying levels that they comprehend the base... and will spit characters back out in a way that makes sense to THEM and THEIR world view rather than an objective one. or even wilful ignorance and lack of acknowledgment that a character is 3 dimensional. and in doing so they can completely miss the point of why that character acts the way they do and does certain things and on a greater level why they were written that way (eg hussie is essentially a frat boy who wrote in certain things because he thought it would be funny for a joke and it does not often go much deeper) ..and how their actions may simply serve as puppetry for a narrative/agenda. And failure to take that and other factors into consideration lead to viewing the story/characters exclusively through one’s own modern lens, on a surface level, and subsequently making conclusions about a character that ultimately wouldnt make much sense unless they were to live in that specific person’s world and share that person’s worldview by leading their same life. which they can’t because they live in their own fictional world and most likely do not have much at all in common with you. and any traits they DO have in common are treated/influenced according to their own society..especially self identification of their own traits and feelings.
On a wider scale this is a concept that can apply to everything for how you can try to understand others’ points of views in a given situation.. and this is about people who have not learned how to detach themselves from their own lenses especially when it comes to fiction. some people do NOT display evidence of this skill. As such this is how war occurs because obviously when perceiving a work one way and creating things for it like that then you are arguing your view is the most accurate. and when you see people who create completely contrasting things because of their different views they will look utterly insane to you. and to those people YOU are the one who is utterly insane. and it doesnt matter who’s the one who comprehends the base material more accurately because you cannot change the world views and perceptions of others. you cannot convert them or force people to understand what they will not understand because it is just not their world. you have to mind your own crops in your own field and no one is attacking you with acid.. (Unless there are stupid people who instigate wars over meaningless basura) you have your own corner it is ok to leave other areas alone and allow people who understand to come to you instead. and if you truly want to hate then hate in moderation..do not let it consume much of your time merely a few minutes of logical discussion... and do it IN PRIVATE. obviously shifts of worldview (but not wavelength) are possible but some people become confronted with things they do not understand and they believe hate is the answer and they like to jump to conclusions. they fail to see what is clearly in front of them just because they dont personally like it. For example seeing character analyses/essays that are lovingly written and even research backed yet contain (tagged) uncensored explicit material because life is explicit. and then assuming it’s fetish material or some kind of projection. it is always one of the two they accuse you of like they are under the impression that meaningful and emotionally inspired art cannot deliberately exist. it has to completely and utterly be a reflection on YOU. of corpse all art does reflect on the artist in SOME way and it’s impossible for it not to this is what makes everyones work unique... and it is also awesome to make (well characterised) fan material that is inspired by your own life events. but they don’t understand and dismiss all existent emotional pieces as vent art .
If you agree and like to read interviews there is one my buddy shared that is so true and has a whole point about it. >> link << (richard siken) and another one from my other buddy mentioning this too.. >> mitski interview << Shoutout to my buddies
Additionally a wise man said, if anyone is talking about you like that that means you are on their radar in the first place. More of a compliment...and long story short, it is always good to know somebody is talking about you Whether inferior, or superior. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_j1fiLF3D4 But anyway the total and willful lack (of understanding) is all because of JENKINS. (the one who takes away). in a world once thriving full of natural materials and in minds that have the power to comprehend others with compassion. when this is all taken away it is the clear work of jenkins. When people are regurgitating completely meaningless jokes because they have to talk exactly like their friend groups in fear of being seen as the ‘weird’ ones .. when they repeat memeified words in contexts that make no sense and have no original way of speaking. This is the impact of jenkins and when someone regards you with this complete failure to see and this lack of willingness to accept. this is the jenkins stare
Umm... that’s all God Speed doo do baby
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no one’s talking about being an expert, posing, or quizzing ppl. these points always come up when ppl defend themselves
it’s about about doing the bare minimum. fanfic and fan art are like any other form of writing and art, open to critique, and the valid critique is that maybe study dali if ur gonna paint a surrealist painting? maybe read the communist manifesto before you write on the history of marxism?
this isn’t a dig at u all, or a quiz or an attack on character, it’s just a diff perspective.
But it IS about quizzing and criticizing how others experience and interact with media. That’s the POINT - the same cultural phenomenon that made the boys say “oh you listen to x band? Name five songs” - is the same mentality that creates the “im mad the fan made media is not to my liking”.
Surrealism can be created in a vaccume without you seeing surrealist artist so THAT is a super bad example. It’s not someone trying to copy Dali to create something that feels in that world. I don’t think anyone would really put Junji Ito and Dali in same genre in an art history text book BUT Ito’s art is surrealism as well. You don’t need to have seen either to be interested in creating art that has an element of revulsion to it. I have seen kids create surrealism with their soul intent being to gross others out. “Look I drew the teacher but her head is a butt” Art never needs to be fine art or high brow to still be art. It’s self expression.
If you are researching Marxism you probably WILL have read the communist manifesto- just because. But that is not the entirety of Marxism or communism and your essay may focus on something completely different because that is more relevant to your thesis. Does not mean just because you ignored it that your essay or thesis statement was without a point.
And that is the point - it’s FINE to like more canon fan media. It’s also fine to make what you enjoy. Most fandom artist and writers ARE familiar with the original works they just like the fandom created AU more. If they want canon they can open that comic, it’s easy to get. But if you want to see omega Superman mpreg you gotta make that yourself (I kid but you know what I mean) . And it makes an easy non serious entry point for newbies and new fans are born.
A lot of gait kept fandoms DONT create that space and figuratively stick up their nose at newbies. So they cling closer to the more friendly community that is off their rockers - but at least they KNOW they are and are having fun with it. The more canon fans want you to somehow “earn your place” The gait keeping Elitism is what BREEDS the lack of more canon media. And the cycle continues and gets worse.
Basically - create what you want to see. Ignore what you don’t. And expect the same of others.
Don’t expect or demand others to create what YOU want unless you plan on paying artist to create what you want to see. And like that’s always a great idea anyway. If you WANT canon accurate content you have to create it yourself or pay others to not demand other people give up what they enjoy making just because it’s not what you want to consume.
There is not a bare minimum- you can go as far down and dig deeper and that does not take away from it being art. Criticism is one thing, but that’s not what “this is not canon” is. OBVIOUSLY it’s not canon… obviously they took liberties. That’s not a critique. That’s just an observation.
Fan media content is leisure activity- it’s rarely for profit. It does not NEED to be canon accurate at all. It is exactly as the creators intended warts and all.
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barring the no mercy route being an influence in this case, how would you describe chara's personality? I cannot describe them well at all despite them being my favorite character. they're too complex lol. all of the meta i can find at this time as them described at both extremes of innocent & evil but i don't think that's accurate
TW: discussions of canon dark topics such as abuse , death and suicide
i love talking about chara, i've talked about them at length before lmao. thank u for giving me a chance to talk about my beloved child.
you can actually read a character exploration i'm doing in a mini-arc for Askfallenroyalty. actually, if you want one condensed post, this comic sums up chara's motives
My interpretation:
chara is an abused kid and suicidal kid*(1) who ran to mount ebott to die.*(2) upon learning that monsters are made of love and humans aren't*(3), chara began to hate humanity. the deltarune prophecy*(4) makes them to be The Angel despite being a human. Feeling undeserving of this title and obligated to fulfill it, Chara wanted to be a good kid more than anything.
But then the buttercup pie incident happened. They've accidentally*(5) poisoned asgore and came up with a plan to ensure the prophecy could be fulfilled and take a hit against humanity. Two birds with one stone -who cares if it's also a personal win too? then obviously the plan goes up in flames and they and asriel are murdered. then asgore wants to kill of all humanity.
your influence*(6) gets Chara onto a path of redemption or a path of destruction, mirroring the deltarune prophecy's two main interpretations.*(7)
in summery: chara is a scared kid trying to fit into a world that demands violence by the past actions of the previous generations. The war massacred monsters and locked them up with a kill-solution -ensuring that further violence would be needed to be free, thus continuing the cycle of violence.
chara is just a kid. they knit, they make macaroni art, they loved their family and had a best friend forever.* (8) but they're also vengeful, they cared so deeply for monsterkind they were ready to die and had no idea they'd be awake as a soul, they were prepared for death. they're complicated, you can't have one side without the other. while i’ve never wanted to murder anyone, i can still relate deeply to chara and see myself in them a lot. the tragedy of them -the fact they never really got a “happy ending” like everyone else just haunts me and it’s why I spend so much time making AFR. I just... love this character so much, i want this kid to be happy. (not that it could ever be easy to get there, happy endings aren’t free.)
And frankly, seeing this hurt kid get demonized just rubs me the wrong way, and it feels completely against the morals Undertale tries to tell with it’s story. I see it as a cautionary tale against violence and dehumanizing others for the sake of hate and violence. how kids can be influenced by the violence -or kindness around them. you don’t need to forgive the ones who hurt you, but killing them is not always the solution -though sometimes necessary as framed in the Undyne the Undying fight.
People get both Undertale’s themes and chara wrong the most, and for the game that’s meant the world to me it bothers me more than it should lol. It’s a Good Story, and I don’t mean to frame my interpretation of the character or themes as 100% canon and I know Mr.Fox’s brain to confirm it kinda deal, but with all the time I’ve spent analyzing and thinking it over I do think it’s not off in the general direction of it lol. And besides the author’s intent isn’t really the end-all-to-be-all. It’s what you get out of the story and the themes that matter and stick with you. No one can take that away from you.
Sources and evidence:
"* If you're cuter, monsters won't hit you as hard." -faded ribbion flavor text * "The ends of the tools have been filed down to make them safer." -gardening tools in New Home (and iirc Toriel's home as well, too lazy to double check rn) * Where are the knives. -no mercy chara (this and paired with the previous imply there are no sharp objects in reach of chara's home because chara can't be trusted with sharp objects out of self harm. This doesn't necessarily mean abuse but paired with them hating humanity so deeply, being suicidal and a child it paints a picture of abuse.
"* I know why (chara) climbed the mountain.* It wasn't for a very happy reason." -asriel post pacifist epilogue dialogue
"* Love, hope, compassion... * This is what people say monster SOULs are made of. * But the absolute nature of "SOUL" is unknown. * After all, humans have proven their SOULs don't need these things to exist." -Library book on monster souls)
* Legend has it, an 'angel' who has seen the surface will descend from above and bring us freedom. - gerson
"* It takes at least a human soul... * And a monster soul. * ...* If you want to go home... * You'll have to take his soul. * You'll have to kill ASGORE." -Alphys. Because boss monster souls are the exception and can persist after death for a short period of time, Chara could of killed any of the family members to escape the underground.
this implies escaping wasn't the goal -it was to die (considering they already attempted suicide to fall underground the first time, this is explicitly suicide.) the plaque doesn't mention or speak like monster/human fusion's consumed soul would be aware. chara had no way of knowing they'd be awake.
also the whole thing with the pie is a prank. cups of butter. -> buttercups. putting flowers in a pie is a joke to do, we see Chara is similar to Toriel (they mimic her speech in the no mercy monologue, they say “greetings” as she does like how Asriel says “howdy” like Flowey does. Chara makes puns and jokes in the flavor text all the time.
https://imgur.com/a/zP18P -dog food bag at different LV. "When the protagonist first encounters Mad Dummy, they are given the option to beat it up. Choosing to beat it up prompts one of three responses depending on the protagonist's LOVE." (source: undertale wiki)
If the protagonist’s LV is 1, the response becomes "(You tap the dummy with your fist.) (You feel bad.)"
If the protagonist's LV is between 2 and 4, the response becomes "(You hit the dummy lightly.) (You don't feel like you learned anything.)"
If the protagonist’s LV is between 5 and 7, the response becomes "(You sock the dummy.) (Who cares?)"
If the protagonist’s LV is 8 or higher, the response becomes "(You punch the dummy at full force.) (Feels good.)"" This implies Chara (who is the narrator) will feel different about the dog food -which references the classic phrase of "glass half empty/full" showing your out look in life. Then hitting the dummy show's Frisk's out look on violence depending on LV. Note that by the end of it, it's no longer "you feel..." but "feels good" This is Chara.
7. “* Lately, the people have been taking a bleaker outlook...* Callin' that winged circle the 'Angel of Death.' “ -gerson “* Only the fearless may proceed. * Brave ones, foolish ones. * Both walk not the middle road. “ -the first plaque in the first puzzle room with Toriel. The idea is to walk on both the left and right sides -you can’t go half way in the middle. this mirrors the “true” endings are only accomplished if you stick to no mercy or pacifist only.
8. literally their home in New Home is a treasure trove of pre-game chara characterization.
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Drunk Texting Is(n’t) Bad for Your Health- Chapter One
Series Summary: Talk about your unconventional meet-cute! Bucky receives a text by mistake requesting he prove he's not Reader's sister. The easy dialogue between Reader and Bucky sparks a natural friendship, but could it lead to more? Bucky still deems himself unworthy of any form of affection or love. Reader is hellbent to prove him wrong. With the help of some (meddling) friends along the way, Bucky may get his happily-ever-after after all.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Word Count: 2101
Chapter Warning: Bad Language Words, tiny bit of angst
A/N: I started this on AO3 awhile ago. Now that I have a blog dedicated primarily to just Marvel/Bucky, I thought I’d add it here, too. Enjoy!
DO NOT copy or replicate without my permission.
Bucky heard his phone buzz as he was tugging a butter-soft tee over his head. He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand next to his bed as he worked his arms into their respective holes.
9:36
Steve was long in bed already, so the text most likely wasn’t from him. Sam was on a me me kick-- No, what did he call them? Memes!-- of a disgruntled cat which he swore reminded him of the super soldier. He wouldn’t be surprised if it were him. Or possibly Nat. She picked up the new issue of Guns & Ammo the other day and was sending him pictures of a Mossberg MC1sc 9mm she was drooling over.
Smoothing the body of the shirt over his torso, Bucky ambled over to his bed. He snatched up the phone from the navy blue comforter and flipped it over. To his amazement, the text wasn’t from Sam or Nat. Or even Steve.
(917) 460-5480 work thing boring af. kinda tied one on. might be late meeting you tomorrow
He blinked several times at the message, uncertain how to respond. It was a wrong number, right? Bucky hadn’t made plans with anyone for tomorrow that he could remember. Plus, everyone he knew had the same work thing. And it was rarely boring.
Definitely a wrong number.
He set the phone down near the clock, choosing to ignore the text. Hopefully, whoever this person was, figured out quickly they were texting the wrong number and moved on.
Bucky pulled back the covers before climbing into bed. His body melted into the mattress, muscles relaxing for the first time since breakfast. Training had been non-stop all day today. It felt good to just be, for once.
He grabbed the book he was reading off the nightstand and opened it to the spot he left off. He cleared his mind, as best he could, and concentrated on the words on the page.
A few pages in, his phone vibrated alive again. Another text message.
(917) 460-5480 sis dont be mad youd be drinking too if you had to sit thru one of these business dinners
Bucky sighed. He had hoped his radio silence would have clued this person into their mistake. Wishful thinking. Before he could punch out a reply, another text came through.
(917) 460-5480 timmons is droning on about this new client. kill me now
He quickly typed out a reply:
(917) 308-3117 I think you sent this to me by mistake.
Bucky watched the text indicator pulse as this unknown person worked out their response.
(917) 460-5480 haha very funny sis
Bucky huffed at this person’s disbelief, thumbs working on typing out his next message.
(917) 308-3117 I’m not trying to be funny. I can’t be someone’s sister when I’m a man.
He set the phone down on the nightstand again, hoping this person finally took a hint. He opened his book back up to the current page, taking a deep breath.
The room’s silence was broken again by the loud thrumming of his phone skittering across the surface of the black wood veneer.
(917) 460-5480 how does kevin feel about this so close to the wedding???
(917)460-5480 will you still need a wedding dress or will you just get a tux???
(917) 460-5480 am i still your maid of honor???
Bucky chuckled at this girl (no, young woman) asking the essential questions.
(917) 308-3117 Your sister did not get a sex change. Yes, she will still need a wedding dress. Yes, you are still her maid of honor. Like I said before, wrong number.
An almost immediate reply came through.
(917) 460-5480 prove it
Bucky grew slightly irritated at the insinuation. Why couldn’t she take his word for it? He exhaled loudly through his nose.
(917) 308-3117 How?
A few moments passed before the device juddered in the palm of his large hand.
(917) 460-5480 selfie
Bucky blanched at the request. He could feel the color drain from his face, only to immediately heat with a blush. A selfie? That is the last thing he wanted to do.
Although he’d been exonerated for his crimes as The Winter Soldier, he still knew about the dislike people felt about him as a person, in general. They couldn’t get past the brainwashing or other persona. God knows he still struggled with it.
He couldn’t go broadcasting his face through texts to a stranger. What if she was one of those who didn’t understand he had no say in what he did or what happened to him under Hydra’s control?
What if he ignored the solicitation? He could do that. Maybe even turn off his phone.
She did seem the type to be very persistent until she got what she wanted.
True to form, another text rang through.
(917) 460-5480 i will keep texting until i see your manly face
One corner of his lips quirked higher. Yup, persistent.
He navigated to the camera app on his phone and switched it to selfie mode. He stared at the damp locks falling to his shoulders. His beard would require a trim soon, but it wasn’t scraggly. Luckily, he’d had the hindsight to shave his neckbeard in the shower earlier.
Was he considering this? Some girl says jump, and he asks how high?
He combed metal fingers through his hair, blowing out a breath.
(917) 460-5480 im waiting
Bucky growled at the text, running a hand over his face. “Okay, okay. Give me a second,” he said to his phone. He held it up to head height, half an arm’s length away.
Click!
He previewed the picture, assuring himself it didn’t reveal too much. It was, somehow, off-center, containing a bearded chin and half a smirked mouth, one nostril, and a half-lidded eye.
Before he could talk himself out of it, Bucky pulled the messaging app back up and then sent off the picture. He tossed the phone aside, not wanting to watch the taunting blinking dots as he waited for a reply.
The picture was barely recognizable, but someone like Steve or Nat could tell it was him. It would be okay. No one would know.
His phone vibrated violently near him on the bed. Bucky cautiously plucked the device up, debating whether he wanted to read her reply. What if it said, “Holy shit! You’re The Winter Soldier!”? The hope of this woman thinking he was just some regular guy knotted up his stomach. He didn’t know why he cared so much about whether this stranger thought he was The Soldier or not. He had no control over who believed the lies perpetrated as truth through the media. He could only wish for the best.
He blew out the breath he was holding in and eyed the phone’s screen.
(917) 460-5480 is it fair to say men shouldnt be allowed to have long eyelashes??
Bucky laughed and immediately thought of poor Steve.
(917) 308-3117 You should see my buddy’s. The girls swoon and complain at the same time.
He quickly added to the message thread:
(917) 308-3117 Am I correct to assume you believe I’m a man and not your sister?
The response was swift.
(917) 460-5480 oh shit ur not my sister
(917) 460-5480 this isnt 9173083447?
Bucky laughed again, the tension in his chest slowly unfurling.
(917) 308-3117 Unfortunately for you-- no.
(917) 460-5480 ugh im such an idiot sorry for the shit i said
(917) 308-3117 Don’t worry about it. I had a good laugh at your expense.
(917) 460-5480 oh god now i feel like a bigger ass
Bucky suddenly felt like backpedaling. He hadn’t meant for her to feel bad about her mistake. It was cute in a roundabout way.
(917) 308-3117 Please don’t be embarrassed. It was the highlight of my night.
(917) 460-5480 me forcing u to prove ur a man was the best part of ur night??
Bucky thought for a moment. Was it the best part? The training sessions had become monotonous lately, even with the new agents. The team hadn’t been on any missions in a few weeks, so it was pretty accurate to say he was bored around the compound.
(917) 308-3117 I suppose it was. Work’s been a little slow, and there’s only so much training you can do before it becomes tedious.
(917) 460-5480 training? r u in the military? ooh, r u an athlete??
A laugh bubbled up from his chest. It was comical to see her try to guess his profession. His selfie hadn’t announced who he was to her after all.
(917) 308-3117 Something like that.
(917) 460-5480 so mysterious! r u some assassin who needs to keep his identity secret? is that y ur selfie only showed a quarter of ur face??
He paled at the implication. Maybe she did know and was yanking his chain. How did he block numbers again?
Another text came through from the mystery woman:
(917) 460-5480 not that i mind u have a luscious mouth
Bucky guffawed at the comment as flames rose beneath the skin of his cheeks. He hadn’t remembered blushing this much in such a short amount of time in decades.
(917) 308-3117 How much have you had to drink tonight, doll?
(917) 460-5480 doll?? what r u my grandpa??
He chuckled again. God, he was old enough and then some.
(917) 460-5480 enough to not want to shoot my brains out but not enough to know this dinner isnt a party
(917) 308-3117 Maybe you should get back to your dinner? I don’t want to get you into trouble.
He regretted the text the second he pressed send. Was he trying to get rid of her? No. Or was he looking out for her? This person he knew nothing about. She was more entertaining than the recurring nightmare he’d been having for the last week, that's for sure. He'd cling to this unknown to avoid slipping into that black abyss.
(917) 460-5480 aww does the military-trained assassin athlete mchottie not want to talk with me anymore?? 🙁
(917) 308-3117 No!! I’m honestly concerned you’ll be reprimanded if you pay more attention to your phone than Timmons.
The last thing Bucky needed was to feel more guilt, especially if it was at the expense of someone’s livelihood. His shoulders were already heavy enough.
(917) 460-5480 thats sweet but dont worry ur pretty little head over me timmons wouldnt last a day w/o me
(917) 460-5480 timmons may be the boss but i run that office
He simpered at her swagger. He could only imagine what kind of office she worked in because, again, a total stranger. Did he want to get to know her more, or was this a one and done thing? Would she wake up tomorrow and want to continue the conversation or blow him off for the drunken mistake her first text had been?
Bucky stared at his phone for several more minutes, pondering precisely what he was doing and what his expectations of the night were. It’s not like he was going to meet her in person, right? Was he that delusional? He was an Avenger now. He didn’t get a social life. Not that he had one before but still.
He was startled from his reverie as the phone shook in his hand.
(917) 460-5480 did i scare you away??
(917) 308-3117 No. Just thinking about tomorrow.
(917) 460-5480 shit a military-trained assassin athlete mchottie must have a lot to prepare for mentally ill let u get ur rest
He smiled at the gesture. If only she knew.
(917) 308-3117 Send me a text when you get home. I want to make sure you arrived okay.
(917) 460-5480 such a gentleman! i don’t want to wake u if ur asleep tho
(917) 308-3117 I doubt I’ll be sleeping, but it’ll help ease my mind.
(917) 460-5480 alright ill shoot a text ttfn
(917) 308-3117 ttfn?
(917) 460-5480 ta ta for now god u r a grandpa
(917) 308-3117 Yeah, yeah
Bucky’s mouth split into yet, another grin as he set his phone down once again on the nightstand. He picked up his discarded book and found his place on the page. After a few minutes of re-reading the same paragraph over and over, he slipped the bookmark into the gutter of the book. His mind was too preoccupied with the thought of some random girl in the city at a boring work dinner. He realized he hadn’t stopped smiling since they temporarily said goodbye.
Maybe there was a good chance this conversation would carry into tomorrow.
CHAPTER TWO
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#bucky x you#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky fanfiction#bucky fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic
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Just Us (Chapter Eighteen: Silver)
←Chapter Seventeen
Early 849
“Elias, can you take this order to Mrs. Los? Do you know where that is?” The boy looked up at me from the coffee beans he was grinding and nodded, taking the bag I handed him.
“Can you also pick up some milk on the way? Try to get the one at the bottom of the icebox, yeah?”
“Sure thing, Miss. Eva. What time do you want me back?” I looked up at the clock on the wall, noting that it was almost closing time. By the time he’d be back, I would be cleaning up already.
“Actually, the milk can wait. Bring it when you come to work tomorrow morning. After you drop off the box to Mrs. Los you can go home.” His face lit up, knowing that I wouldn’t keep him to clean the floors today. With that, he took the money out of my hand and turned to wave with his left hand, just like Jonas, and walk out of the door. I rested my elbows on the front counter, looking around at the few people left in the café. I didn’t feel like cleaning, so I just finished grinding the coffee beans Elias left, waiting for the two tables to leave.
Elias had started helping me at the café every day since he turned thirteen, the legal age of work, since his father had given up a career in hopes of revitalizing society through the Order of the Walls. Now being older, Elias was getting fed up with the way his parents started treating June and him, saying it was better to starve than forcibly take food from what the Walls supplied. At one point, the boy had stayed at my house the whole week, not wanting to go back home to face the men his father brought over who tried relentlessly to convert him. June was able to shield herself from this by always staying late in the bookshop taking on restoration projects that made her work for hours on end. She would always come into the café tired, needing a cup of coffee, but saying how it was worth it since she didn’t have to go home. At some point, Jonas, Ben, and I had talked about what we might do to help them. They could only stay over at our houses for so long until their parents would get too strict. This meeting we had was prompted by their father wanting to marry off June to someone’s son next summer. If he married her, especially to someone in the strict Order, she would have to quit her job and would not be able to take over the bookstore for herself. She cried to me that night too, Levi sitting in the corner watching her, only to let her sleep with me while he took the couch. When I told Levi about their situation, he could only get angry for their plight but could give no solution. No one knew what the solution was. All I could do was try my best and shield them from home life. However, I did plan to argue for June if her father pushed marriage next summer.
Speaking of Levi, he was supposed to come over tonight and stay. They had just returned from a rather interesting expedition, and he sent a letter saying that Hange was keeping him locked down for her experiments before he could come. The day after tomorrow, he had to return to, again, plan the next expedition around Hange’s "master plan". The only detail I was allowed to know was the fact that it had to do with capturing a titan. I would have to ask him about that crazy want and how they were going to get a titan through Trost and back to HQ. Hopefully, he brought some of Erwin’s orders too. While most of the Scouts didn’t know about my existence, to keep business going, they ordered from me regularly. Whether it be basic supplies or bread, it came through me first, and then it went to Reeve’s if I couldn’t fulfill. Erwin and Levi were also trying to convince me that with the worsening of the famine, I should just come and work as a cook or stock worker for the Scouts, but I refused. If I left, Elias wouldn’t have money to support his family.
“Have a goodnight, now, Eva!” I waved to the customer who finally left, leaving their stray newspaper on the table, and decided that even if there were ten minutes left before official close, I would start now. As I turned around to get a broom, the knob of the locked door turned and then turned again before opening. Only two people had a key. With a smile on my face and one hand on my hip, I turned to face him.
“This could be breaking and entering. I’m clo…” Turning to the door, hoping to see Levi, I saw four people standing outside the door looking in. They were all wearing Scout uniforms, and I thought at first Erwin could have sent them to pick up the order, but my raven-headed boy pushed through them, grabbing the key from the older-looking man’s hands. The others seemed like they were lost, not knowing what they were doing here in the first place. Their eyes were heavy too like they had no idea why I was here either. Why had their captain taken them here? I also had the same question.
“I brought them here at this time on purpose. Do you have enough tea?” Levi seemed to be the only one calm as he stepped into the café, walking to a round table in the center that would hold all of us. So he had brought them here… but who were they? It’s not like I knew any Scouts by name, and none of them seemed to be officers. We just stared at each other and Levi clicked his tongue, leaning back in a chair in his usual fashion.
“U-uh, um, come in. Please.” I put the broom down, gesturing with both hands to have them sit down, and they all waited to see if Levi was going to protest before they stepped in. With the amount of Scouts gathering after hours, I made sure to lock the door and pull all the front shades down so no one from Mitras could think wrong of the situation. Well, I didn’t know what this situation even was, so they could be entirely accurate. Either way, seeing the normal, annoyed look on Levi’s face as he told the four to calm down made me a bit more at ease, walking to the counter to make six cups of tea.
“Eva?” I looked up at Levi’s call and he had a finger pointing at the red-haired woman next to him, “Petra said she would prefer water, but she was too afraid to ask you herself.” The woman’s face flushed bright red to match her hair, and she held both of her hands up.
“I-I… I’m not afraid! No! I just didn’t… didn’t want to bother you!” I gave her a soft smile and nodded before turning to get her some ice. They still were silent and I could feel Levi’s annoyance grow when looking over all of them. They had their hands in their laps or eyes looking anywhere but Levi and I. Petra. Petra. Where had I heard that name before? Levi and Hange both mentioned her. What were the other’s names? Maybe if I knew theirs’ it would spark a memory.
“Does anyone want honey?” I asked, hoping you could get information out of them that way, but they were still all too nervous to answer. None of them could look me in my eyes either and I realized that Levi had probably told them some scary rules before coming here. I sighed.
“I’ll just bring the whole bottle, yes?” I poured the correct amount of honey into Levi’s cup and put them on two trays, walking over. Levi had an empty chair next to him, one hand already resting over the top, and he pointed down indicating that’s where I was going to sit. When I passed out the cups of tea, they mumbled thank you under their breaths, still not looking up at me. It was almost comical now how afraid they seemed to be of Levi’s wrath if they did something wrong. I was now entirely too curious to see what he'd said and I was going to tease him for it to at least lighten up the mood.
“Geez, Levi. Did you tell them I bite or something? Don’t worry, I’m not as scary as he is.” This didn’t help to lighten the mood at all, and they looked even more nervous now that I’d just insulted their Capitan right in front of his face. I’d have to remind Levi once again to stop being so mean to the cadets. Every time I would come to HQ, I would watch him outside Erwin or Hange’s window and frown at the punishments he so easily dished out. One time, I even caught his eye and shook my head, causing him to glare and make a cadet get up from doing the hundred push-ups he’s punished them with.
Levi cleared his throat before sitting forward to address them.
“This is my Special Operations Squad,” He went around the table, “Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, Eld Jinn, and Gunther Schultz.” They all bowed in their chairs, none of them daring to touch their cup of tea before Levi did. Were they being cautious of him or cautious of the drink I’d given them? Also, did they know who I was? My memory had sparked, remembering Levi talked about Eld, making him a second in command for this new squad. They’d formed a few months previous if what Hange told me was correct. Levi had told me the final lineup so I could confirm that he made the correct choices, even though I knew nothing about titan killing. He’d do that a lot more, asking me my opinion on a Scout matter, just so I could confirm his thinking was correct. One time I disagreed with him and he pouted all day.
“I’ve heard of all you. The amount of titans you’ve all killed is very impressive.” Again, a chorus of nervous thank-yous came and Levi glared at their apprehensiveness.
“This is my wife, Evlynn. She owns this café.” I had to swallow hard at whatever emotion came up in my throat as he introduced me as his wife. There had to be some form of reasoning for this, but it made my heart jump again. It had been almost two years since he’d made the promise to marry me someday, and he had yet to act on it. A girl couldn’t be that patient. I could see their eyes almost bug out of their heads as he introduced me as his wife too. So, they didn’t know who I was. Their faces all showed an intense form of disbelief at his words. They could tell just by us sitting next to each other the difference in personality. I was upright and smiling at all of them, making fun of their Captain, and Levi was glaring down at them, his voice being nonchalant about this situation. He almost sounded bored and annoyed he had to introduce me in the first place.
“Y-You’re married?” The older man let out, making Levi roll his eyes.
“Not yet. Soon. Why are you all so surprised? Wipe those looks off your faces.” This made me snicker, putting a hand over my mouth as not to ruin the “Captain” hold he had over them. Suddenly, this meeting was going to turn into a fun one on my accord.
“Don’t be so mean to them, Lev!" You hit him in the shoulder, "They’re going to let you die on the field if you act like this. Please, introduce yourselves to me! One by one!” Again, they seemed disturbed by Levi and I’s juxtaposition, and even Levi turned his head, trying not to glare at me. It was obvious to him what I was doing.
“Eld Jinn. Second-in-command. Wall Rose. Ma’am.” The others gave Eld a weary look at his short introduction, finally looking into my eyes, but when Levi didn’t say anything, they continued.
“I’m Gunther Schultz, Ma’am. My birthday is July 30th and I am from a small village inside Wall Rose.” This felt weird to me now. They were talking to me with the same prestige as they give Levi, which makes sense, but it was uncomfortable to me. I was probably the same age as all of them and I’m not in the Survey Corps.
“You can all just call me Eva. I’m not a soldier, I’m a café owner.” Again, all of their gazes went to Levi to see if he would give them this permission. I frowned and glared at Levi. If he wasn’t such a harsh leader, then they wouldn’t be scared of me. I should be happy he’s letting more people know about me, but now it was just making me more annoyed at his treatment of people.
“In this café, I rank above Captain here. Call me Eva. Oluo,” I pointed to him and he looked at me now, giving the same look Levi’s face would express, “Introduce yourself.” I felt Levi shift next to me, but it was just to reach over and drink his tea.
“Uh… I’m Oluo Bozado. Like Captain Levi said.” I frowned again, crossing my arms. All their introductions were the same.
“Any fun fact? How many titans have you killed?” I could see a smirk flit across his face. Ah, now I’ve hit the jackpot.
“I’ve killed almost thirty titans on my own. Six within my team here.” I turned to Levi, and he side-eyed me.
“Is that a lot?” I whispered, putting my hand to block my mouth, knowing for a fact that everyone could hear me. Levi smirked into his tea, hiding it with the cup, before going back to his normal face. He shrugged.
“I have at least double.” The other three had to hide their laughs as Oluo’s jaw clenched. He so badly wanted to yell at Levi, but he knew that if he did, he’d be punished somehow when they got back to HQ. I may rank higher than Levi here, but as soon as they walk out the door, they’re at his mercy. I just raised my thumb at him.
“Well, work hard.” I knew my smile cut into his ego, and he sat back in his chair, moping. I turned to Petra, remembering her last name as some family who lived in Trost. I pointed at her and she almost jumped out of her chair.
“You’re from Trost.” She quickly stood up and bowed, the chair almost sliding back to hit the table behind us.
“Hello, Eva! Ma’am! I’m Petra Ral! My family is from Trost District! I’m a team player and am devoted to our Captain!” It was the others' turn to laugh at her, but this time they didn’t hide their snickers. She sat down slowly and Levi and I exchanged a glance. His glance basically said ‘She’s usually not like this'. I smiled again and just nodded.
“I’m glad you’re devoted to such a meanie.” Levi gripped my thigh, which he placed his hand on under the table to try and control my language, but it didn’t work.
“I can introduce myself then. I’m Evlynn Flynn, but you can call me Eva. I was adopted from the Underground when I was twelve, but I didn’t know Levi back then. My caretaker owned this café before he died, and then he transferred it to me. Levi and I met almost… Oh, has it been almost 5 years already? We met right after he got promoted to Captain.” I saw the way they squirmed under Levi’s gaze. They had questions they wanted to ask, but they couldn’t while he was there. I’d have to fix that.
“Lev, can you go upstairs and get me a jacket? I’m getting cold.” He raised an eyebrow.
“It’s the middle of sp-” I kicked him under the table and his glare increased, but he knew what I wanted him to do. With a groan and a big motion of his chair, he exited through the storage room door. As soon as the wood door stopped moving forward, Oluo jumped forward in his chair.
“How did you marry him?” It was a harsh whisper, but the difference in personality made me laugh.
“We aren’t married yet. I still have a few months to decide if I hate him or not.” That didn’t make him laugh and he still gave me a confused look. Confused that I was with Levi in the first place.
“Is he as mean with you as he is with us?” Petra cut him off.
“Captain Levi isn’t mean! He just expects a lot from us, Oluo.” He rolled his eyes at her.
“You assisted us in three kills this last expedition and he goes,” Oluo dropped his eyebrow and squinted his eyes imitating Levi, “Petra. You should have gotten your own kills.” I had to give it to him, the impression was spot on and when I laughed, they all looked at me in silence. Perhaps the rest of them thought Oluo should’ve been more careful speaking in front of me, but my laugh scared them.
“No, no. That sounds like him. I can just talk back to him where you all can’t.”
“I can’t imagine anyone talking back to Captain Levi,” Gunther said and Eld nodded in agreement, taking a sip. He didn’t talk much. That’s probably why Levi chose him for second-in-command.
“There are so many things I could tell you, but I’m sure Levi wouldn’t appreciate it,” I leaned in to whisper to them and all four of them followed, “like how he likes his back rubbed before he goes to bed.” Just then, the stockroom door slammed open, hitting the wall next to it, and there Levi was with a sweater in hand. By how tight he was gripping it, I knew he’d been standing by the door listening for a few minutes, probably hearing everything Oluo said. Oluo had to know it too by Levi’s very specifically placed glare.
“Thank you, Lev.” I could feel his annoyance at that too, me calling his nickname in front of his subordinates. This was a fun little game I knew I was going to get punished for later, but it was worth it. Levi cleared his throat to get everyones’ attention.
“I brought you all here today because there should be no secrets between our group if we are to maximize teamwork. Moreover, like I would try to protect your family members, which I’ve met, you are expected to also protect mine. No one is to know of Eva outside of you four and various other Scouts. If I find out a rumor has leaked, I won’t hesitate to come to you four.” He, again, glared right at Oluo. I guess he's the troublemaker of the group.
“If you need a place to hide, you all can come here. I’ll lock him out.” Another harsh squeeze to my thigh. Another kick to the leg.
“Alright, you four may leave. Report to Hange Squad tomorrow for training.” They all stood up in an instant when Levi’s Captain voice turned on and affirmed him with a quick yes, Captain Levi! Before gathering to exit. While Levi stayed seated, I stood up and ushered them out, only to notice Petra and Oluo staring at the pastries leftover in the glass case. They probably thought they would be getting some and staying longer than this ten-minute conversation we had. Levi just wanted to get them out before I could say anything too embarrassing.
“Would you like something to take with?” Petra was the first to wave her hands.
“No, no. It’s fine, I was-”
“Peach or apple? It might be the last fresh fruit I get.” One last time, she looked to Levi, who had his back turned to them drinking his tea, and then she nodded slowly.
“Peach.” When I got back over to her, the three remaining pastries in the box, she was fumbling with some money notes and I shoved the box in her hands.
“You don’t have to pay. It’s for visiting.” Her eyes widened again.
“I can’t take this! I have to-” I pushed the box harder into her hands, asserting that I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Pay me back by keeping Levi safe.” She stood there and stared at me for a few seconds, her eyes twinkling, before bowing sharply. It made me jump with the force she put into it, bending a full ninety degrees.
“Yes, Ma’am!” Behind me, Levi showed the signs of wanting to laugh. His shoulders tensed up and I heard one distinct cough. The others behind her were halfway there too. I just smiled and grabbed her to stand up, waving them off as they got on their horses. Once I got back inside, Levi had let his laugh go.
“You’re so mean to them. Did you see how tense they were?” He took another sip and I sat back down, turning my chair so I could face him.
“I’m not mean, I’m assertive. If I’m their Captain, I have to be strict with them.” I rolled my eyes at him and he mimicked me.
“How old is Petra? They all seem young except Oluo.” Levi looked up at the ceiling to try and think about their ages and then shrugged.
“I think Petra is twenty. She came to the Scouts the most recent out of all of them. The rest of them, I think, came a year after I did. I don’t pay attention.”
“They’re your team and you know nothing about them?” He scoffed and put the empty teacup down. I replaced it with my own, knowing I wasn’t going to finish. He promptly picked it back up and took a sip.
“I know their combat and field abilities inside and out. I don’t need to know their birthdays.” I narrowed my eyes at him and smirked, poking his stomach. He swatted at my hand.
“I bet you know all of their birthdays, you just don’t want to seem soft.” I tried to poke him again but this time he grabbed my hand so I couldn’t.
“You’re one to talk. You didn’t know my birthday until last year. Five years you said?” I gasped, putting a hand over my heart.
“That’s because you refused to tell me! You didn’t give me a gift until this year!” He huffed and grabbed my hand to pull me up onto his lap. This was a sign that he wanted to talk about something semi-serious.
“What if I marry you for your birthday gift next year?” My eyes narrowed in doubt.
“Is this one of the things you say you’re going to do and then end up not doing?” He almost choked on his tea.
“When have I done that? Do you want to get married or not?!” I put my hand on my chin like I was thinking deeply about this. It made me think of the other’s reactions when they found out that we were in fact planning to marry. Well, he did introduce me as his wife.
“You have to propose to me correctly.” He lifted his head and groaned before pushing me off of him and starting to get on the floor.
“We’ve had this conversation. Here I-” I held my hand up, looking at him down on one knee like I told him it worked. Frankly, it was a dreamy sight, him in his uniform on bended knee in front of me. However, one thing was missing. Maybe two.
“Ring?” I held out my palm and he left out one big breath before standing back up.
“You know, I’ve actually looked into it. Why the fuck do you look surprised? Yes. I did, I looked into buying a ring, and guess what? There’s no ring maker in Trost. Not one. That means I have to go all the way to the capital for your request.” I puffed up my cheeks at him, trying to imitate his pout.
“And is that going to take Humanity’s Strongest another year?” He gained composure and grabbed the teacup again, brushing off his pant legs.
“If you act like this, it’ll take two.”
“I want to get married before I’m thirty.”
“I’ll do you one better and get married to you on the day you turn thirty.” I glared at him and stood up to collect the teacups on the table that were barely half drunk. I was going to have to fight this man tooth and nail even though he was the one who said yes.
“You’re turning thirty-two this year, old man. You’re the one who has to rush.” His eyebrow lifted as he got up too to join me by the sink and watch me clean his comrade's dishes. Like he usually does, he just leans on me and puts his arms on either side, hands resting on the edge of the sink. Hands that could help me clean these extra dishes too.
“If I recall, you’re the one who told me to live in the moment. Why rush?” I pointed at the pile of dishes in the rack.
“You can live in the moment by helping me clean those. Or would you rather mop the floor?” He pushed himself off the sink, rolling his sleeves up to get ready to rinse off the plates and bowls leftover from customers. We just stood there like that, going through our method of rinse to dry, and letting the sun fade behind us. I stole some glances at him, but he was too busy focusing on cleaning the plates that he didn’t notice. I sighed in content and wished he could have stayed another day before he was swept up into meetings.
“Can I come with you tomorrow to the HQ? We can use Erwin’s orders as an excuse and take my cart?” He just hummed and nodded, finished with the last plate, handing it to me, and turning to lean on the sink like always. It was odd to see the sunshine in Levi’s eyes, reflecting in the silver like a mirror. I didn’t have to turn around to see the sunset, I could just look into his eyes. Moments like this, regardless if it was an hour after he was rude to his team, reminded me just how much warmth he had inside of him. Even now, he was humming, waiting for me to finish. If only I could show Oluo this Levi, then he would understand why’d I want to marry a man like him.
“Stop staring at me.” I smiled up at him.
“No.” He clicked his tongue, turning his head to hide the blush I knew was coming to his cheeks. I turned back to finish the last few dishes in the comfortable silence that was created, and Levi just stood there looking out at the only open window again.
“Did you really have to tell them that you rub my back?” I put the last plate back in the cabinet, laughing.
“What? Humanity’s Strongest doesn’t deserve back rubs?” Turning to face him, I put my hands around his neck and his hands instinctively rested loosely around my waist. He brought one hand up to push a piece of hair that fell out of my bun, back.
“He does, but not everyone deserves to know that I get them. Like you. Not everyone deserves to get to know you.”
“Oh, and you do?” We started rocking back and forth to some music playing in both of ours heads. Maybe to the song that he always hummed. Swaying left and right.
“It’s reparations for the amount of mental trauma you bestow upon me by trying to out me to my comrades.” I paused in the middle, scoffing and letting go of him. He laughed once as I turned away from him, taking off my apron.
“This was supposed to be a cute moment and you ruined it. You mop the floor.”
The next day, early in the morning, we traveled back to the HQ, some of Erwin’s orders in hand. It was nice watching the sunrise, both Levi and I in the front bench of the cart, but over that time, I fell asleep again, resting on his shoulder. Only when he moved me off of him, making me wake up, did I know we were near HQ. That way, if anyone was awake, an hour before training, they wouldn’t suspect much but a supply run. Levi would hop off, I would wave him out, and then turn to the Quartermaster stockroom. This was the only person, besides the officers, who I would react with regularly. The only thing was, unlike the officers, the man didn’t know of Levi and me. Today, he wasn’t there either, so I left a note and put the supplies up. Next, was giving Erwin the pastries.
Being trusted to walk through the Scout HQ alone was something I earned only a few months ago, by Levi’s standard. Still, the only places I walked to were his office, Erwin’s office, or Hange’s office. I would encounter some cadets, and they would bow, believing Erwin’s lie. It actually wasn’t a lie, I was making them bread and pastries, but they all thought I was related to Erwin. He said it was a way for cadets to understand why I would be in the officer’s quarters when other chefs or outside suppliers weren’t allowed. This means I had to be seen talking to Erwin every time I visited, which was starting to be a lot. I didn't mind though, it was nice to talk to him, and you two were creating a friendship slowly.
“You know, if only I actually looked like you then some cadets wouldn’t question this sibling lie.” I sipped the tea he gave me, making sure if the cadets looked up to Erwin’s window, they would see us standing.
“Your hair color is the same as my father's and no one knows that my mother also had blue eyes. If they ask you, just say you look like my mother.” I turned, leaning on the glass and looking up at him.
“And when they find out?” He put his coffee down, looking out the window again at the new cadets having sparring practice that Levi watched over.
“Well, if they find out about your relationship first, it will help us because the new cadets think the officers have a sort of harem. If they find out we aren’t siblings, which will be a bit hard with their limited resources, it is an easy cover-up.” I laughed, covering it with my hand, and glanced over at Levi who was conveniently looking up at us. He couldn’t act out anything or even look at us too long, but I could read his look. He was hungry and annoyed at the number of kids they didn’t receive after the 103rd Cadets were disbanded.
“A harem? Who’s involved?” He set his coffee down and decided it was time to get back to paperwork, leaving me alone at the window.
“Most of the time it’s a combination of myself, Captain Levi, maybe Squad Leader Hange, and some other officer.” I laughed out loud this time, still leaving my gaze on the field below.
“I better watch out or you might steal him from me, Erwin.” He chuckled too, shaking his head. I went away from the window, choosing to sit in a chair across from him. I was told to stay in here until Hange came and got me so nothing else would be suspicious.
“I don’t think anyone is stealing Captain Levi from you, Eva. If you can get him to marry you willingly, I don’t think he’ll ever leave you.” I rolled my eyes and looked down at the papers he was working at. Hm. Why does the Commander seemingly have fewer papers than a Captain?
“Well, we aren’t married yet. You have probably a few years to take him away if you wanted. I recommend not doing that, however. His paperwork already takes him away from me.” I glared at the stack of papers and he knew then what I was talking about, yet he decided not to comment. Instead, he steered the conversation over that bump effortlessly.
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but Captain Levi has asked me a few times about marriage… as if I would know anything about it, but I’ve given advice. I believe him to be apprehensive because he’s never been around someone married. Only a few officers in the Scouts are.” I put down my empty cup, pulling my legs up in the chair.
“Oh, I know. He goes to Hange about “women” things too, but she’s not afraid to tell me all about it. I’m sure she’ll tell me more today. I’m glad you’re helping him though.”
“I’d rather Levi leave certain things out when he talks to me, but I’m happy to help, Eva. Did you two ever figure out the bondage situ-?” My face went completely red.
“- I’m going to kill him.” Erwin smiled.
“Please don’t. We need Captain Levi alive.” I glared at his playfulness. Over the past year or so, getting closer to Erwin, I see exactly what Levi means when he talks about him. A hidden devil.
“Eva!” The door slammed open announcing Hange’s arrival after her squad had complete training. Moblit was trailing behind her too, “You will not believe what I have to tell you today!”
“I will see you sometime later, Eva.” I stood up, giving a playful glare at Erwin, before walking out with Hange’s arm wrapped in mine.
“Hi Moblit,” I said to the boy and he just nodded, walking behind us. I guess he wasn’t that much younger, me being older than Hange as well.
“So, I heard you met Levi Squad. How was it? How was it?”
“I barely got to talk to them. It was a five-minute conversation and then he kicked them out.” She turned around, looking at Moblit before we headed into her office.
“You’re excused, Moblit!” I turned to wave to him, but she shoved me into her office. She turned around, slamming her back on the door, a wicked smile on her face. I would’ve been scared if I didn’t know this was regular Hange behavior. Whenever Levi let her in on a single thing about us, she would corner me to make me elaborate on a single word or sentence of his. Personally, I thought Hange was trying to live vicariously through us, even when Moblit was at her beck and call, but it didn’t bother me much. Levi said he talked to her about it once, but she was the only one who could get away with not listening to him.
“I have been asked for advice, but I think you better just tell me so it turns out well in the end.” I raised an eyebrow and hopped up to sit on her table. This time, there was a new notebook and a lot more drawings of titans. This notebook looked worn and had a brown cover, unlike Hange’s usual green leather ones. I had the urge to open it while she was debating inside her head how to start this conversation.
“Is this one thing I can’t tell Levi you’ve talked to me about?” She snapped her finger, pointing at me and nodding once.
“Exactly!” She walked closer and leaned in like she was telling a secret in a room full of people, “He asked me what type of rings girls like!” I laughed out loud, shocking Hange when I had to hold my stomach too. Levi was still afraid to ask me these things and I wondered who he was going to for advice because it was pretty sound. Any gift he’d get me, minus the rose balm, was something that I liked and I knew he didn’t have any idea what was likable about it. Dresses and hair clips were not Captain Levi’s specialty.
“Specifically you and no one else? Will I have three or four people asking me this same question?” She joined me on the table, moving to grab a pencil and a pad of paper.
“Erwin and I this morning at our brief. The one where nothing gets done. He didn’t talk the whole time and when he did he asked that of all things. Must’ve been on his mind.” She nudged me, handing me the pencil to draw. Honestly, I’d never put thought to it, even when I’d look at Analee’s in awe as a little girl. Her's was too thick. Too gold. Too complicated. I needed to use my hands a lot at the bakery too, so it had to be something I could take on and off. And something I wouldn’t feel bad getting dirty.
“I don’t have to draw it. Just a simple silver circle.” She looked at me, blinking twice, before grabbing the pencil from me.
“Well that isn’t what I thought you would say. What about something like this?” She lifted the pad, showing me something she’d draw up with three stones. No.
“I don’t want stones.” Her mouth fell open.
“You have a man who probably hordes money stacks taller than him and you don’t want him to buy you something expensive? What about just one stone?” She quickly erased the two on the side and I shook my head. Levi did, seemingly, have lots of money to spend since he just put away his Military notes and didn’t spend it, but I didn’t care about that.
“Receiving something expensive just because it’s expensive isn’t genuine. I just want something simple, Han. A silver ring. Maybe a bit thinner than normal.”
“Eva,” she put the pad down on the table, turning to grab my hands, “He’s not going to believe me if I tell him that.”
“But that’s what I want, Hange. Tell him that I want him to have one too.” She groaned and let go of my hands, jumping off of the table to go to her desk.
“He’s going to be annoyed with me again! He thinks you want some big, complicated affair and even I told him that you don’t expect that of him.” I turned to her, glancing again at the worn notebook. Maybe I’d ask her to look at it.
“He said I wanted something big? Does he know that between the two of us there are exactly five family members and a handful of Scouts? Besides, I know he won’t agree to a wedding.” She held her hand up, shaking both it and her head.
“I’m not too sure about that one. It seems he’s willing to do anything you want on this topic. He’s just mentally preparing himself.” I snorted, thinking about how long he’s made me wait since he first proposed the idea.
“He has to ask me first before I can think about a wedding or a get-together. I also have to tell those same five family members that this is even happening. Dragging Jonas or even Ben to a wedding is hard to begin with, but a wedding they probably oppose? Not going to happen. I just told him we can go to the city center and have it done there. I’m content with that.” In a huff, she plopped down in her office chair, shaking her head and not understanding why someone would make this such a simple process. While Hange said she’d never get married, she always thought about the partying aspect of it. She also said that if she had the chance, she’d like to try to drink Levi under the table and a wedding was the perfect place for that. I was probably ruining her dreams as we speak.
“So silver, thin ring. Easy to find, not easy to convince him that’s what you want.” I frowned and my hands went out to my sides.
“I don’t understand why it’s so hard? It’s not like I’m spending money left and right!” The look in her eyes flattened, and she followed with a deadpan.
“You spent almost five hundred notes on a new coffee machine because it was in a peach color.” I hopped of the table in my defense, but the door opened before I was able to.
“What are you two yelling about in here?” I stood up straight, turning to the man of the hour, and just shook my head.
“Just bad things about you.” He rolled his eyes at my smile, a faint one on his lips, before grabbing my hand and turning back to the door.
“Bye, Hange!” I waved, and Levi just grunted.
“Do you even have conversations with her or does she just talk at you?” It was my turn to roll my eyes as I closed the door of his office behind me, following him to his desk. When he sat down, ready to start some paperwork, I sat the other way on his lap, chest to chest. This was our ritual, having found it out late one night when Levi’s heart couldn’t be calmed down from his nightmare. When he was stressed, this would calm him down easily, having my hands work out knots in his back and him able to bury his face in my hair to ground him. It was also just comfortable. Therefore, every time he would do paperwork, an always stressful situation, he would have me sit like that. Now, it was just muscle memory.
“Conversations. You just don’t talk to anyone.” I lifted my hands to between his shoulder blades where he would always get knots. He sighed into my hair, scribbling something down on the paper in front of him.
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but I just signed off on an expedition that falls a few days before your birthday.” I pulled back, looking him in the eyes and hoping my pout would turn around a military decision. Obviously it didn’t work, but he raised one hand to pat my head.
“Don’t worry, I’ll still marry you when we get back. I’m a man of my word.”
“Mhm, sure.” He scoffed and pushed my head back to where it was playfully. I complied, but this time I punished him but not massaging his back.
“Your little kids graduate that day. Didn’t you say they’d come visit you or something?” I subconsciously traced his back, pulling myself closer to feel his heat.
“The last letter I received from them was last year. In it he said they graduated at Trost, so once they are free, they can come to the cafe and wait for you all to get back from your expedition before joining the Scouts officially. I’ve heard they all three are doing pretty good though. Survived that winter hike you were talking about.” He just nodded, now paying more attention to his paperwork.
“You said there were two boys and a girl? Sure they’re joining the Scouts if they’re doing well? Top ten usually go to MPs.”
I shook my head, “No, Eren was quite serious about the Scouts. I don’t know the other two though. You’re assured one.” He huffed once in laughter.
“Great.”
“His resolve seems solid too.”
“Mhm.” I shifted my eyes to see how concentrated he was on his paperwork. When he had the tip of his tongue out, that’s when you knew he wasn’t going to pay attention to anything else.
“Who knows if he’s a good fighter though?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe they’ll all go to the Garrison if they can’t fight.”
“Yes.”
“When are you going to the capital to get me a ring?”
“Tomorrow.” I pulled away from him, trying to find his eyes, but he lowered his head, noting the mistake he just made.
“Tomorrow?” I poked at him, my smile going from ear to ear. I could even see a little blush that painted his cheeks.
“If you keep bothering me, it will be never.”
-
Trost was bustling that day, and rightfully so. I was three days away from finally being married, the two, slim silver bands hanging off a small chain around my neck, and the new cadets had gathered on top of the walls. There were even more people in the café than there had been these last few months. It was, honestly, a perfect day, and I hoped that this atmosphere would last for a while. The famine had brought down morale and business, so much so, that it was getting to the point where the café would only be open three times a week, and even then I would sit there in an empty space for hours with Elias doing his school work. Today, however, June and Elias were talking to their friends who had shown up to buy a slice of pie with their pocket change. It was fun to see kids be kids again, and I hoped that I could introduce June and Elias to the other three, seeing they were all close in age. June and Armin, they would like each other seeing they were both bookworms. Eren and Elias, well, they could gush more about the Scouts together, even when Eren is almost considered a Scouts. The possibilities were making me happy, the prospect of the next three days was making me happy, and I had gotten word that the Scouts would be back in the early morning unlike before. The day of my birthday. It really was an unusual day in Trost.
It was warm too. Looking back on it now, I remember it being unusually warm for spring. So warm that I had to go and open the front windows of the café, leaning over the table that June and Elias sat at. I took a moment to marvel at the walls too, noticing the increase in people, and trying, even if it was too far anyways, to spot one of the three. Even if you were closer to the outer wall than the inner, they looked like ants all the way on the top. I closed my eyes, feeling the small amount of breeze run through my hair. It was a moment of peace.
And one I took for granted.
There was a sound, larger than thunder, and it flashed. When I opened my eyes, coupled with the screams, there it stood. I didn’t even have time for fear to well in my eyes when a blast of air sent me flying into the edge of the window. I let out a gasp as my back slammed into the edge, knocking the wind out of me. It shattered the screens I had just opened too. There were screams all over the place and I didn’t want to open my eyes. I didn’t want it to be true. No. No. No. Why now? Why when all the Scouts were gone? It had been so long since I’d thought about the possibility of this happening, and now, when I opened my eyes again, shaking in fear, the Colossal Titan looked back. Like everyone else around me, I let out a piercing scream.
xx Ah yes, we’re finally here. Attack on Titan. No more sweet and cute moments :) maybe some,,,,,,
Chapter Nineteen→
Chapter Masterlist
#LEVI ACKERMAN#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x oc#aot x oc#attack on titan x oc#aot x reader#attack on titan levi#levi ackerman scenario#shingeki no kyoujin levi#snk levi#aot levi#snk x reader#snk x oc#shingeki no kyojin#captain levi
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My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!
TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo
what’s up HEATHENS.
stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.
It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.
For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”
But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.
I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...
*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!
Right. lol. THE POINT IS!
I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.
So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.
AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox
November 2019
The Arcana (Visual Novel)
I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.
Joined the fandom: November 2019
Obsession peaked: Late November
Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point.
Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx
Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON.
Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.
December 2019
Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)
Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.
Joined the fandom: December 2019
Obsession peaked: Shortly there after.
Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there.
Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it.
Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM.
Favourite moments:
Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.
Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.
January 2020
Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)
*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.
Joined the fandom: Late November 2019
Obsession peaked: January 2020
Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO
Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much.
Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol
Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).
February 2020
Versailles (TV Series)
SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)
Joined the fandom: February 2020
Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one.
Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU???
Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say?
Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE.
Favourite moments:
Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.
The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.
March 2020
Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)
*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.
Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.
Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.
NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.
I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)
Joined the fandom: March 2020
Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol
Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx
Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP.
Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.
‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.
‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.
‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.
‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.
‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.
Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??
Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!
Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.
THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!
This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...
Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!
Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.
The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.
April 2020
Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)
I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.
Joined the fandom: April 2020
Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place.
Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane
Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t
Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...
‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019 -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.
‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019 -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.
‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully,
‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.
Favourite moments:
THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.
The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.
Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.
Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.
June 2020
Trash Taste (Podcast)
Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.
As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in.
This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.
Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode.
Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.”
Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :)
Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong.
Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO.
(some of my) Favourite moments:
Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.
Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.
Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.
Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression
August 2020
Great Pretender (TV Series)
Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.
Joined the fandom: August 2020
Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it.
Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane
Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched
Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday.
Favourite moments:
Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.
Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.
Introducing my partner to anime with this show.
October 2020
Attack on Titan (TV Series)
RETURN OF THE KING. lol
In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...
Joined the fandom: Winter 2016
Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it.
Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there...
Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four.
Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS.
Favourite moments:
Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”
EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol
Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”
November 2020... kind of.
Figure Skating (Sport)
Okay this one is a bit hard to explain.
I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.
But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.
Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020.
Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing.
Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER???
Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol
Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that.
(some of my) Favourite moments:
Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.
Rachel sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.
Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.
Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.
The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.
Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.
Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.
Honorable Mentions:
Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.
Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.
Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.
Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!
Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.
If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING!
And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
#2020#mental health#appreciation post#figure skating#studio ghibli#coco#attack on titan#great pretender#bungou stray dogs#trash taste#versailles tv#yuri!!! on ice#the arcana game#hazbin hotel#anime#fandom
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Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5
So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!
This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.
So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.
To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.
Part 1: Redemption
The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked. For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.
Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good. It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.
At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them. Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).
Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it. Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7). It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.
I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.
AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions. SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally. SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.
And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs! I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit. I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually. The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.
Part 2: Forgiveness
For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.
Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child. Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be. At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.
SPOP could never.
"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma. It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed. More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away. Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.
Contrast this to She-Ra S5. The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6). Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).
More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that. Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.
This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.
I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone! Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything. Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back. Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.
(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4). It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.” Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)
3. Salvaging These Plot Points
Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it. So how would I go about it?
Catra
I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape. Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3). If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.
S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”. Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).
S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs. We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode. This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.
Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.
Hordak
The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names. I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release. Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.
I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke. Just one of those personal quirks.
4. Summary
In conclusion:
S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions. It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.
Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!
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---- A Coffe Stain. A Pistol. A Sudden Confession.
Part 1 of 2 of an FBI AU Obi Wan Kenobi x Reader Story. Read Part 2 Here.
a/n: this for u @hellotherekenobi . You made this monster and now you must deal with it (I love u tho thank you for the inspiration this was hella fun to write and I probably wasn’t accurate AT ALL concerning the FBI :)
Word Count: 3.0k oh dear god
You’re wading through the endless piles of busywork while rain taps at the window of the field office building. Your eyes dart to the time display on the seemingly-ancient computer provided by the bureau (you’d asked the higher ups multiple times for replacements, but evidently no one seems to listen to the rank-and-files anymore). 23:08. A groan slips past your lips as you run a hand through your hair. You make a mental note to shower when you get home. And how come your feet still ache from your heels even though you’d barely gotten up from your desk all day? As your thoughts continue to drift sleepily away from the task at hand, the sound of something hitting your desk tugs you out of dreamland.
“Thought you could use a pick-me-up,” a gentle voice whispers, the source of a cup of semi-acceptable coffee. Ah. You’d forgotten that your partner was still at the office. You turn your head slightly to gaze up at Special Agent Obi-Wan Kenobi. He cut his hair. He looks much more…mature, yes that’s the work-appropriate word. He’s missing the silky locks at the back, with that tiny wave at the bottom that you’d stared at on more than a few field missions. The beard was a little longer, too.
Oh god, you hadn’t even bothered to look at him today. You’d rushed to your desk to get an early start on a new assignment. Your heart shrivels out of guilt, and evidently it’s clear on your face. Obi’s eyebrows knit together in concern, an expression you’ve etched into your brain by now. “Is…is everything alright?” he stammered, unsure of what to say to console you.
“No no no! I’m sorry,” you stutter, turning quickly in your chair to fully face him. “Shit, I’ve been so busy with…everything that I didn’t even notice that you cut your hair. It looks handsome, Obi.” He smirks and runs a hand through his hair, sweeping back a few strands that had fallen onto the middle of his forehead. “Yes, I suppose it does. Although, it rather upset me this morning when you didn’t comment. If you had gone to the break room you would’ve witnessed me sobbing on the sofa, drowning in my own sorrow,” he says, as he equips an expression of anguish.
“The couch with the moldy cushion?” You question.
“The couch with the moldy cushion,” he sighs as you theatrically turn to gaze horrified at the break room door. After a few beats of silence, you break into giggles and he looks back at you, a warm smile creeping onto his face. Your gazes lock for a split second longer than your average moment when you conveniently remember something in order to drag your focus away from his stupidly gorgeous azure eyes. “You still having trouble with Sarek?”
He groans and drags a hand down his face. “Don’t remind me,” he grumbles as he trudges to his desk a few feet behind you and collapses dramatically into his chair. You grimace in apology and he gives a half-hearted smile in return. Sarek, a Trandoshan hunter who’d slipped through Agent Kenobi’s grasp several times, had struck again, this time kidnapping an assortment of women. The problem? Despite Kenobi’s talent for making connections, he’d made none between any of the victims that had been reported missing, no matter how many times he combed through their files.
It isn't easy to seep the determination out of Obi Wan Kenobi, but Sarek has almost done it.
You feel his eyes on you as you pivot back to your busywork. As you begin sorting through the manila folders, you take a sip of coffee and set it down. Obi packs up his things and gives you a nod goodbye before strolling out of the building. Going to pick up your cup of coffee for another caffeine charge, you realize you've set it on a file. A few choice curses cut through the silence before you pause, the cup in your hand hovering above a chestnut circle now imprinted on the page. Circled by the cup's stain is a familiar location, Kina's Coven. You wrack your brain to remember where it's from and it hits you: Obi Wan had referenced it when he first talked to you about the case. The connection. This could be it.
You leap out of your seat so fast you nearly ram into Kenobi's desk behind you. If I run I can catch him on his way out, you realize, and barrel through the glass double doors into the hallway. Quickly approaching the doors to the lobby, your hands fly out in front of you to push them open. The little air in your lungs is then knocked out as you collide with something and fall to the ground.
A leather briefcase thumps onto the carpet and you search for the person you knocked over to quickly find a mildly disgruntled but mostly amused Agent Kenobi lifting his head just a few inches in front of you, his breath tickling your cheeks and a grin lighting up his face.
"Hello there."
You look down and see that, while trying to break your fall, you've planted your hands on the plush carpet to either side of Obi Wan's chest. You’re also on top of him, your legs partially layered over his. Your face reddens and you scramble haphazardly to get off of your partner before someone walks in and sees you in such a...compromising position (yes, in the middle of the night, of course).
Thank God for push-to-open doors.
You brush off your pants and roll your shoulders. Despite rambling apologies, he waves you off and straightens his suit jacket. "It's alright," he remarks. "I haven't gotten that much action in a long time."
"Yes, I assumed you hadn't" you quip, a smirk paired with a raised brow painted on your face. "But that's not what I'm here for. I think I found something that will help your case." At that, Kenobi straightens, his eyes searching yours in question.
"Kina’s Coven recently reported one of their dancers missing, a Mirialan named Kaiela Hveti.” you explain, and your partner’s eyes widen.
“Kina’s? Most crimes at that lovely establishment are swept under the rug, are they not?” he asks. “Few of our agents have been able to gather significant evidence against them.” You nod your head towards the door to the hallway and start walking, Kenobi trailing soon behind you.
“Not this one. Evidently Kaiela is a crowd favorite, meaning she isn’t someone they’re willing to lose without a fight,” you remark. “And I’m not just any agent, Kenobi. You of all people should know that,” you say, shooting him a playful wink and pulling open the glass doors back into the office.
Obi lowers himself into his desk chair, hunched over with elbows on his knees. You smile to yourself as you shuffle through the files on your desk with your back to your partner. Part of the reason why the two of you rose through the ranks so fast was your trust in each other; neither one of you was scared of being seen as weak or stupid if they had to ask the other for help. You learned about his “negotiate with deduction and knockout charm until someone ends up firing a gun” method quickly (which worked surprisingly well). He learned about your "figure out everything seconds before you might die" trick, too.
You practically read each other’s minds. You take care of each other.
Is that why your heart has been trying to squeeze its way out of your ribs whenever he utilizes his aforementioned charm lately?
You shake your head in an effort to clear your thoughts and hand Obi Wan the paper with the coffee stain, which he spots (of course) and raises a brow at before his head shoots up.
"You're making the face," you say, smiling softly. His mouth is barely open, eyes wide and searching the document. You wouldn't be surprised if you heard gears grinding in his brain. He doesn't answer, so you comically wave a hand in front of his face. "I'm guessing that this helps…?" you trail off, waiting for Obi to come out of his 'Eureka.' He snaps out of his reverie and beams at you, nearly sending you into cardiac arrest.
"Ok, Kenobi, I can't read minds, so you'll have to elaborate on your discovery," you said, walking back to your desk and sitting on the edge, crossing your arms. He looks at you strangely, so quickly you almost don't catch it, but then his face shifts into neutral before you can raise a brow.
"One of our intelligence analysts found email correspondence between Sarek and someone going by the initials K.H. It was...intimate. They are lovers, or at least they were, from what I could gather," he explains, stroking his beard.
"Did he frequent places like Kina's?" you ask. He shakes his head and you frown. Another dead end is materializing in front of you, as much as you hate to admit it. But all of the sudden, your partner snaps his fingers and grins.
"He didn't frequent the Coven, but if I recall correctly…" he fumbles through a stack of manila folders on the corner of his desk and triumphantly holds up a piece of paper. "Some of his friends operate in that area-"
"And Sarek doesn't want to be seen around them out of fear of being connected with their operations." you finish, nodding to yourself. Obi smirks, reading over the file again. "Little does he know, we've managed to dig up how Sarek is connected to each of them. Not the most rock-solid evidence, but enough to arouse suspicion," he remarks.
"So...are you thinking what I'm thinking?" you smile as your knee bounces in anticipation.
"If you're thinking of paying a visit to Kina's, then yes, I suppose I am," Obi sasses. The both of you share a look before darting up and racing out of the office to get ready.
——
There’s no way I’m getting into a strip club in a pantsuit, you think, staring at the questionable outfits in lockup. After what feels like months of searching, you find an incredibly revealing cocktail dress (much to your chagrin) and pumps. As you look at your new outfit, you sigh. Obi Wan didn’t even have to change out of his suit, and he’s probably waiting for you outside now. Blush blooms bright on your cheeks as you think of how on earth you’re going to keep it together, attempting to look sexy next to one of the most attractive people you know while also trying not to pin him to a wall and aggressively make out with him. Maintaining an air of professionalism is difficult when you’re simultaneously processing newfound, violently intense feelings for your longtime friend. After strapping a holster for your pistol to your thigh, you nod at your reflection in the mirror. Your shaky legs make their way out of the bathroom and head towards the garage. After a nervous deep breath and applying a coat of lipstick, you step out into the lot.
It doesn’t take you long to find Obi Wan leaning up against a jet black Maserati and your heart slams against your chest. He hears the echo of your heels and glances up. Upon seeing you, his whole stance shifts. He straightens his posture and squares his shoulder, straightening his tie and loosening his collar. A soft smile adorns your lips and you relax seeing his boyish panic.
“Ready to go? Have everything you need?” You notice that he combed his hair back into place. Obi clears his throat awkwardly, not something he does often. You’re so used to seeing him cool and collected under pressure and shake your head, nudging his shoulder playfully. “You sure I can bring you to a strip club? I don’t know if you can handle the literal strippers if you can’t handle your friend in a dress,” you tease.
“That’s not— I— hmph,” He mutters, unable to come up with a coherent comeback. Instead, he opens the passenger door for you and avoids eye contact. Was that a tinge of red on his cheeks? You don’t have time to look closer because he ushers you into the car, almost rudely.
——
The electronica pulses in the floor and up through your body as you stalk the bar, searching for anyone that matches the pictures Obi Wan gave to you in the car on the ride there. The two of you had split up, him waltzing down to the dance floor leaving you to shiver at some of the looks these men were giving you at the bar. You risk a glance at the dance floor and immediately regret it.
Two women and one man are practically draped over his shoulders and licking their lips, and you feel a needle prick your heart. You watch his mouth move for a moment. He’s undoubtedly utilizing his honey-sweet charm to trap one of those “friends” into spilling valuable information. Jealousy is racing through your veins like the venom of a snake. Quickly, you focus on the task at hand before he can catch you staring. It’s a good thing that you do: you spot one of the men you’re looking for. His name is Orwen, and he’s one ugly son of a bitch, with pale skin and a scar running horizontally across the top of his bald head.
When you slide gracefully onto the seat beside him, you make sure to accidentally hike your dress up to show the little bit of thigh that wasn’t already exposed in an effort to grab his attention. It works. He worms a thick arm around your waist and you try to swallow the bile rising in your throat. Instead, you focus on the cold metal of the handgun on the thigh farthest from him.
“Aren’t you a tall glass of whiskey,” Orwen slurs as he yanks you towards him by your waist. With all of the effort you can muster, you force a snake-like smirk onto your face and lean into him enough to smell the cheap beer on his breath.
“And I suppose a handsome fellow such as yourself is looking for a drink.” He gives you a wolfish grin and hops off the stool, roughly snatching your arm. He begins to drag you towards a side room. You venture a guess that it’s used for more…private activities.
——
Little do you know that your partner spots you from the dance floor. As soon as he sees Orwen tug you away from the bar, his easygoing charm evaporates. Anger bubbles in his stomach and he follows a stealthy distance away from the pair of you. He saunters to the room you’re shoved into. A “do not disturb” light is on, but he knows that there are no locks on the doors to these rooms for safety reasons. He is steady as he reaches into his suit jacket to place a hand on the holster holding his pistol, but not pulling it into view so as not to cause a scene.
When he opens the door, it seems he’s arrived late to the party. Orwen is lying on a neon pink bed with his head against the wall, hands behind his head. You, on the other hand, are at the end of the bed, pistol aimed straight at the raging boner in Orwen’s skinny jeans.
“Am I interrupting anything?” Obi asks, walking to your side. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye and shake your head, grinning.
“No, actually, you’re right on time. Help me with this?”
“As you wish,” he mock bows, and moves to restrain Orwen. But before he can, a shriek echoes through the crowd.
You and Obi glance at each other before you run out to check on the situation. One of the women sucking up to your partner has taken one of the workers hostage. The girl sobs as a knife is pressed just enough into her throat to draw a line of blood. You whirl around to glance at Obi Wan.
“So the redhead gave you nothing? ‘Cause now she’s got a hostage and a knife,” you snap. Obi Wan swiftly handcuffs Orwen to the bedpost and scans the situation out on the dance floor. He cringes.
“Anyone tries to stop her and it’s game over for her hostage. We need to negotiate with her and find out what she’s after without setting her off,” he reasons. You huff and he raises a brow.
“Maybe if you weren’t busy flirting with her we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.” You immediately regret your words as soon as they leave your mouth. You’re tired and cranky and you didn’t mean them but seeing your crush sweet-talking her earlier certainly wasn’t aiding your struggle.
“I was only fraternizing with the woman to see if she had any information, you know that,” he says calmly, though you can see him tense.
“Oh, really? I don’t see why you wouldn’t full-on flirt with her, she’s certainly a catch,” you snark, rapidly descending into a defensive position in this stupid argument that you’re really starting to wish never happened. But fire is in his eyes when he turns to you and stops the turning of the world with a soft reply.
“Because she isn’t you.”
#Obi Wan kenobi#Obi Wan Kenobi x reader#star wars#Star Wars prequels#fanfic#fanfiction#me? writing? more likely than you'd think
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asks (26)
@spickerzocker said:
hey there! just a heads up that i tried to click on the "why i don't ship" explanation link in your faq and it says that there is no post with that url/it's generally broken. also your "a conversation about recovery" thing is beautiful and hurts in the best way and i love it. have a nice day!
Yes, I intentionally took that link down awhile ago, and last night I went and updated some of the tabs on my blog. Here are my basic thoughts:
I wrote that link years and years ago, while I was first navigating the internet and while I was still figuring out important things about my own identity and opinions. I ran my blog differently back then, but by the end of the first few months, I knew I was uncomfortable with shipping.
As people began to interact with me and my work, I told them over and over again no, I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to write about it, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think that was a common position to take at the time, so it wasn’t what people expected from me.
During those years, I felt like I had to justify myself and give a valid explanation. I wrote that post explaining why I had that boundary, and I put it in a place where anyone could find it.
I said no when people asked, let them make jokes about it, and made jokes about it myself in response. As time went on I got more and more exasperated when I had to repeat myself. I wrote definite rules into my ask box, request tab, and FAQ. People still asked. I wrote it into my description. People still asked.
The truth is yeah, there’s a pretty simple explanation for my discomfort. It makes sense. It’s easy to understand, and most folks think it’s a “good enough” reason to leave me alone. The difference between young-me and current-me is that I no longer feel the need to justify myself.
None of y’all need to know why I set the boundaries that I set. My explanation isn’t relevant, and I’m not obligated to give it. I said no. That’s enough.
I think a good number of folks remember my explanation from the past, and I don’t mind that at all. There may be a time where I talk about it again, in a more appropriate context, so I guess we’ll see.
That’s a lot of information in response to a very helpful ask. Thanks! The link is gone now, and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the fic :)
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Anonymous said:
U suck
Kenza sent this anon as a joke. She’s right, and I thank her.
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Anonymous said:
I'm a doctor and ive seen it all.....but the milk fic made me gag
Excellent
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@wingedskyes said:
Ah. Wait. I wasn't on anon....uhm. oh well. It's fine. I like milk and am not ashamed. 😆
I don’t think I received another message from you actually, but I too like milk and I’m glad we’re on the same page
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@thelittleredheadedmusician said:
To add to the milk discussions: my best friend from home and best friend from college have each finished a gallon a milk by themselves within 2 days.
I do that too, every once in awhile. When the milk craving hits it’s a gallon a day
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Anonymous said:
"TIM! POUR HIM. A GLASS OF M A L K!"
Hold on I have to google some things
Yeah this is funny
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Anonymous said:
I have read that milk fic three separate times and every time I’m laughing just as hard as Tim and dick by the end it’s just so excellently executed and builds so perfectly that by the time dick cracks I’m ready to go too and I just lose it it’s amazing I love it
Awww anon I’m so pleased :)
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@the-smartass-under-the-mountain said:
Just wanted to drop by and say your recent fic with Tim antagonizing Damian with increasingly outrageous milk concoctions had me giggling. It was so cute and refreshing to see Dick enjoying Tim's little prank. And Bruce's reaction to just... walk away was fantastic!
Thank you! I’m always so thrilled when y’all think the jokes hit
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@njtheboywonder said:
I havnt really enjoyed a fic in years, but i stopped to read ur fanfic with tim drinking milk just to fuck w dami amd it made me smile. Thanks, for writing it.
Oh that warms my heart <3
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@bruciewayneisbatman said:
Tim Is totally the guy who would drink ridiculous amounts of dalgona coffee to annoy damian, according to that fic.
Had to google that one, but I guess so huh
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Anonymous said:
(diff anon) but that birthday fic was so good oml and you have opened my eyes as to the batfam in quarantine this is such a Concept
We’re all here dying..... together...
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Anonymous said:
Happy birthday! 🎉 or belated! 🎂 thank you for being in the fandom. 😊
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Anonymous said:
To anon! Sorry. I forgot to add that! Anyway, thanks to them we get a lovely fic. I hope you have many more birthdays! 😊
Message for you anon
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Anonymous said:
Your writing gives off good vibes
Hear that guys I “passed my vibe check.” Is that what the youth say these days? I am an elder now and I do not know
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Anonymous said:
finding your blog while being relatively new to batman fandom is such a bliss. your batfam content especially is *chef's kiss* amazing.
Thank you my darling :) I’m glad you’re here
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Anonymous said:
Best line in a fic? Hard to pick just one, but this particular one from "Just Desserts" by fyeahbatmanandrobin on Tumblr is one of my faves: “Anyone else would be hard-pressed to provide the particular brand of excitement you bring to my life, Dami.”
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@noisypaintersong said:
For the line thing: "I don't doubt it. Bruce Wayne, the unexpectedly normal guy wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a superhero wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fake socialite wrapped in a businessman wrapped in a secretive billionaire." He paused. "…You're the seven-layer burrito of Gotham," he pondered. - Barry to Bruce in 'Of Friends and Foes' by Paganpunk2 on FFN. It's one of the funniest things I've read someone say to Bruce LOL
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@kirakats submitted:
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Anonymous said:
“I do know that according to everyone else, there is no chance, no future, no universe where I stay a hero.” Describes my frustration with the way DC treats Damian so accurately. Let the kid be a hero dammit.
Thanks! That’s really helpful. I’ve got a decent answer to my question now.
@kurawastaken submitted:
So this is Kenza retaliating against me for the milk fic. I very much hate tomatoes and specifically ketchup. This photo (1) is a nightmare and (2) fulfills its intended purpose.
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Anonymous said:
I love your blog!!!
And I love you
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Anonymous said:
quick question: how do you think jason reconciles with the fam?? i think in the comics they kinda just reboot and now he’s on better terms. but like what conversations happened, yknow??? (you’re doin great work by the way, it rips out my heart but it’s great)
This is an amazing question, and I’ll be thinking about it for the next bit, I think. That would be a really interesting topic to explore in depth
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@angel-gidget said:
*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe!
Oh thank you for the hug <3
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Anonymous said:
I hadn’t been aware of that Memphis petition, but I live in Memphis too (Altho I know you said you just grew up there so you may not be living here currently haha) so ig I just wanted to say thanks for bringing it to my attention!
!!!
I’ve been in Texas for six years now, ever since I started school, but I’m still in and out of Memphis for family purposes. Love the trash heap of my birth
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@damianwaynerocks said:
hey! any chance you know of any other dc heroes around damian’s age?
Sure! You could try Billy Batson, Jon Kent, or Maya Ducard
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Anonymous said:
hi! i don't know if it's okay to leave anons like these but ive been feeling down because my country has passed a bill that deprives us of lots of human rights freedom and i want you to know that i just found your blog through the damian/bruce + justice fic and it comforted me. im slowly going thru your works and so far they are all comforting. i love your stuff, thank you.
Philippines? I’ve heard some things, and I’m real sorry y’all’re going through that. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say about that to help, but I hope you’re finding joy somewhere
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@awesomeness-ofgaybitches said:
Tumblr hates you. The links in your bio and to your fic masterlist don't work on mobile. I'm sorry.
FUCK
#I'd like to also take this opportunity to note that at this time#I have blocked 7 people for variations on#okay no ships but what about sailboats??#but what about the TITANIC#here's a picture of the bat-boat tho#guess what kids it's not creative or funny#and I explicitly said that jokes will get you blocked#I follow through#asks
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thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers ! another ask for u : im soo afraid in the next chapter momo will be homophobic towards ht !! I mean except Zzx who seems at ease with his sexuality, the other boys all seem kind of homophobic. Jy called ht repulsive bc he called him pretty while he was a guy, Ht is very agressive in his advances (which i linked to toxic virility which entails homophobia) ; then both of them changed for the better bc of their feelings for another man. 1/?
Good evening, dear anon-san!
“thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers !”
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them! Every time people send me questions it always makes me happy and to be honest, a bit taken aback because I’m just a little old me. But I’m glad my answers have had such a positive reception and given people food for thought. And it’s always a pleasant surprise when people feel like they can come to my ask box with their interpretations and strike up a conversation.
Homophobia is a very complex topic, and I wondered where I should start to unravel this ask. But soon I realized before I can even begin that I have to take a moment to sort out my own feelings. Whenever people say the boys in 19 Days are abusive or homophobic for whatever reason I tend to get ticked off. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, often sparked by my own bias, but something that can very easily cloud my answer and make it unfair for you. Exchanging interpretations and perspectives requires a level of objectivity and the ability to rise above your own bias. I can’t dismiss something just because it uncomfortably pokes my nerve. Instead, I should take a step back, try and see things from another point of view, and find some common ground.
I’m not saying I had to struggle to agree with you on anything but your ask certainly reminded me of how challenging yet rewarding it is to actually listen to an interpretation that differs from my own and try to objectively look at the story from that point of view. It hurts your brain at first but is surprisingly freeing in the end.
Because you addressed so many things in your ask, I will tie my answer together under the theme of homophobia and give it some structure that way. This will be my great 19 Days - homophobia edition. \(^v^)/
Sexual orientation and environment
Let’s start with the biggest context you brought up in your ask: social and cultural environment. I’m not familiar enough with Chinese culture to have anything definite to say about its attitude towards LGBT people. Of course, I’ve heard of the discrimination and even blatant hate by their government but I don’t have any idea about how ordinary, modern-day Chinese people view others with different sexual orientations. Not to mention, it’s always risky to take fictional works as an accurate representation of the milieu in which they’re set.
But I do think that 19 Days discusses homophobia in societies, though on a more general level. As Jian Yi has come to realize his feelings towards Zhan Zheng Xi, we’ve also gotten glimpses of his struggles. They’re surrounded by other kids in school, and from the very early chapters it’s been implied two guys being that close together or comfortable with that level of skinship turns people’s heads (ch. 53, 54, 55, and 57):
Of course, those panels also poke fun at the stereotype of girls being interested in cute guys being cute together. The girls stare, take pictures, and even smile knowingly. This bothered ZZX because it put him in awkward situations and created misunderstandings that would be embarrassing to correct. And the more he would try to deny and correct them, the more he would probably end up looking suspicious. But the bottom line is, he was increasingly conscious of the weird looks and attention JY’s antics were attracting and didn’t want people to get the wrong picture of his friendship with JY. All of that could give us some hints on how two boys being close might be viewed by their peers, but it should also be kept in mind that those kinds of “gay panic” moments are a big part of the humor you find in 19 Days.
Having a crush on someone of the same gender gets more serious tones after JY kissed ZZX (ch. 142)
The secret was finally out in the open. JY had carried his feelings in his heart for a long time. He had wanted to confess them so many times and often hidden them behind jokes and antics. Perhaps every time he had jumped to hug ZZX he had caught a whiff of his scent and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. But to take the definite last step of confessing and lifting that curtain had always terrified him. And who wouldn’t have been scared? Not only would you have to come out but also risk losing your childhood best friend. It could be JY had even thought of never telling ZZX about his feelings because it could go horribly wrong.
For a while, things are somewhat put on pause after the first reveal which I found very realistic. JY wasn’t flat-out rejected but ZZX most definitely needed a moment to sort out his own feelings. He pestered JY to be straight with him (pun not intended...) and made it clear it would be safe for JY to rely on him and free himself of the burden. Despite that JY was still very unsure if his confession won’t result in ZZX abandoning him because “gay” is abnormal and disgusting (ch. 164):
Even when JY finally confessed he was expecting to be rejected in disgust (ch. 209):
But he had sort of reached the point of just finally getting it all out even if ZZX wouldn’t return his feelings. Even if it meant they wouldn’t be friends anymore. At least he had said it. He had heartbreakingly little faith that their kind of relationship wouldn’t be completely doomed. Thank god he had fallen for someone like ZZX. I don’t think I’ve never been as grateful for a character like him before.
A tangible example of how Zhanyi and their environment collided was Xiao Hui’s character (ch. 158):
When she called JY a disgusting gay, it was the first time he was facing that kind of homophobia. Though her actions were frustrating, I think Xiao Hui’s character was a good addition to Zhanyi. At first, she lashed out both because she was hurt and publicly humiliated but also no doubt because she had internalized the idea that heterosexuality was the norm and anything else was abnormal and wrong. Later on, she had had time to lick her wounds and calm down (ch. 258):
She still has a crush on ZZX but even though she probably realizes she doesn’t have a chance she still wants a clear rejection from ZZX. It still hurts and stings but doesn’t upset her as much. It could even be she’s a little happy for them. I think Xiao Hui’s character is a good example that people are capable of changing and reflecting when they’re given a chance. And no one should be forever held accountable and punished for the mistakes they made and have since bettered themselves.
In a broader sense, I think Zhanyi also discusses what kind of future a same-sex couple could have in society (ch. 268):
That drawing on the wall is my favorite Zhanyi moment. As cute as ZZX drawing him and JY together was, it also carries some bittersweet undertones. The original drawing represents the norm: a boy and a girl in love but if there are no skirts involved, it’s a whole other story. To be open about their relationship would most probably never be an option for JY and ZZX. Something as simple as holding hands in public would take courage and threaten to complicate other aspects of their lives (school, work, family). They don’t have the same privilege as straight people to openly and safely share their feelings and have that universal experience.
Your ask was mainly about Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about their environment since you also referred to it. And the easiest way for that seemed to be to talk about the progress of Zhanyi. As you suggested, it does seem the society in which all of the characters live is very much heteronormative which puts pressure on the characters to fit in. And if they fail that, they will face homophobia and most probably feel the need to hide their true selves. Case in point, Zhanyi.
Boys being boys
As much as I know that phrase is deemed Problematic™ these days, I think it fits the dynamics of the boys of 19 Days. They mess with each other, and all of that is typical humor for the comic. Personally, I’ve never taken any of their teasing and good-natured bullying seriously because it’s how 15-year-old boys are around each other.
However, I just finished talking about the environment under which influences and discourses the boys have grown up. I don’t feel like I can ignore what I had just been saying and brush it off as “oh well, they’re just boys” if they’ve always been surrounded by certain attitudes. Does that mean the boys have also internalized those attitudes towards gay people despite having feelings for someone of the same sex? Does that make them a representation of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia?
In all honesty, I’m struggling to answer those questions. On one hand, I do agree that society’s norms of what is masculine put a lot of pressure on boys when growing up. You have to act, talk, dress, and be in a certain way to be accepted, and it doesn’t take a lot for kids to internalize those ideas. And as you said, acting or looking gay (not to mention, actually being one) is probably the worst a young boy could be. Being gay is often linked to everything a proper man shouldn’t be: sissy, effeminate, sensitive, weak, submissive, on the bottom. The list goes on and on.
On the other hand, do I think you can see that in the four main boys of 19 Days? I suppose it’s possible if that’s the direction you want to take. If you look at anything through those lenses, you can probably find toxic masculinity everywhere. Do I think HT, MGS, JY and ZZX are homophobic because they possibly showcase traits of toxic masculinity? I guess. I don’t know. I see where that interpretation comes from, but some part of my brain never manages to make the full connection between those two. I’m constantly having a feeling that my way of thinking differs from your interpretation but I can’t properly validate or argue my opinions.
Perhaps taking a look at the examples you mentioned might help. You talked about JY being homophobic when this was his response to HT calling him good looking (ch. 108):
I can’t exactly deny that panel couldn’t be taken as toxic masculinity. I might even agree with you on that. I wouldn’t probably go as far as saying JY was being homophobic but it does seem like his masculinity was threatened or questioned in that situation. Interestingly, I’ve seen that phrase pop up a lot in yaoi/shounen-ai comics. Characters who are in a gay relationship don’t often feel comfortable with guys complimenting them - or even the guy they’re in love with. I’ve always wondered that. Does that mean there’s a level of self-denial in those characters or is it just a cultural thing? Does it embarrass them?
In general, I think all of that has to do with their age, and another good example of that would be ZZX and JY’s reaction to HT messing with MGS (ch. 289 and 298):
I’ve seen people calling those moments homophobic as well and can’t really agree with them. I would say those reactions have more to do with teenage boys being awkward and embarrassed. HT putting the moves on MGS in front of them is embarrassing and something they don’t wish to see. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see my friends constantly acting like that around me either. Seeing public displays of affection embarrasses me and makes me awkward as hell. (Though, I don’t know if that’s just a Finnish thing...)
In short, I see a lot of how the boys act around each other just natural to how teenage boys are. They mess with each other and standing up for yourself in that sense (for example, getting revenge, being physical, or returning the verbal teasing) is important and typical. That’s how I see JY’s words in the example you mentioned: he felt like HT was messing with him and shot back. All of that could, of course, be seen as internalized toxic masculinity, but I don’t think it’s quite as blatant as people sometimes make it out to be. I’ve always taken it as boys just being boys and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
What comes to HT being pushy and overbearing, I don’t see that being connected to toxic masculinity and making him homophobic because of that. It feels a bit of a stretch and shakey. Instead, I actually think HT is quite comfortable with both of his own feelings for MGS and the idea of same-sex relationships in general (ch. 187):
The little heart-to-hearts JY and HT occasionally have also show us that despite often making fun of each other, they can take it more seriously when needed. JY would have never asked about having feelings for another male if he couldn’t trust HT wouldn’t make fun of him.
The case of Mo Guan Shan
You talked a lot about MGS, so I thought I’d take a closer look at his character separately. You made some interesting points I’ve also been thinking about and was glad they popped up in your ask.
Since we’ve talked about toxic masculinity so far, let’s continue on that. You mentioned that MGS is prone to homophobia because he’s had to act tough. Upholding a certain kind of image is essential in gangs. Being weak and submissive - aka gay, as I talked about above - isn’t an option in that line of work.
I agree with you on all of that. Why MGS is so uncomfortable with HT being physical with him is at least partly because he can’t come across as someone who can be taken advantage of (ch. 250):
If he can be physically overpowered and made vulnerable, it means he can be submitted. In the masculine world, physical strength seems to be the final and ultimate law that settles all the disputes at the latest. And if you lose in that you’re on the bottom or at least lower on the hierarchy. Now, multiply that mentality by a lot to fit it in the world of teenage gangs and the borderline criminal underworld. So, yes, I would most definitely say MGS doesn’t want himself to be put in that situation. Much less anyone finding out about it.
Then again, the story has kind of revisited that idea when HT “joined” MGS’s gang and his underlings started seeing HT around more. And they seem somewhere between intimidated by HT and impressed their boss has managed to make someone like HT call him “brother”. That fits the same mentality of strength, but I can’t honestly see Buzzcut or other members of the gang giving MGS a hard time even if they found out about HT’s affections. Chances are, they would be even more impressed, bless them.
Overall, I think MGS lashing out (or being homophobic) is mostly due to him not trusting HT and HT slowly but surely wearing him out and making him see his own prejudice against people like HT. Yelling out insults has been the easiest way to fight HT’s affections, although it’s not proven very successful. It’s also important to remember MGS is fairly inexperienced when it comes to love and romantic affection (ch. 222):
He’s always been rejected and discriminated by his peers and over the years, he’s started to mirror that behavior and push people away. Having crushes (let alone having a girlfriend) has never really been a concern for him. And it’s not like he’s had time for something like romance anyway because working has taken so much of his time. In this regard, MGS isn’t that mature or experienced and tends to get uncomfortable and lash out very quickly.
I’ve already talked about the note and what kind of role I think it will have (if it will be addressed at all). And I’m not really worried about MGS saying something homophobic to HT. I think we’re way past of him being like “I don’t speak to a homo” at this point already. He’s been aware of HT’s affections for a good while by now and even tentatively warmed up to some of it (for example, the aquarium date and the studs). (Even though, I think it’s still too early to talk about MGS being in love with HT.)
MGS has come a long way, and I might even say he’s gained some sexuality-related maturity on the way. Slowly but surely, he’s become comfortable with having HT around, and if after all this development he would say something like that, it would be a pretty big step backward. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t throw insults and lash out but let’s not forget we’re talking about a purebred tsundere here. That’s always going to happen with him.
And while we’re keeping it real, it’s not like HT would pay any mind to those insults. After MGS asked for the studs, I think HT’s resolve has only strengthened.
I hope this answer makes some sense, to me it feels like a bit of a mess of this and that. A lof of “I can’t deny that but still...” You really threw some hard questions and challenged my thinking a lot. Thank you!
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For the Star Wars questions- 16 & 19. :)
Thank you!!! (y’all this got ridiculously long for two damn questions lol)
Send me a number and i’ll tell u my fave/least fave:
16. Book/Comic (Aight, so I’m actually not a huge comic reader in general, most of my comic knowledge comes from other fans on here posting about them, so this is gonna be mainly book-focused)
FAVE: Welllllll, since I’m literally incapable of narrowing down my favorite anythings, I’m gonna do faves for both canon and EU novels.
Canon-wise, it’s a tie beween A New Dawn and Ahsoka. I know I don’t post about them as much on here, but I truly have a super soft spot for Kanera and Kanan and Hera’s characters, they’re just so GOOD and I love themmmmm aaaaaaaaa. You get super good insights to how Kanan was running wild and traumatized and trying to repress everything and how Hera was a little naïve but still tough as nails and she had a dream and she was going to make it happen or so help her, ugh I just love how the story showed how they’re strongest as a team working together and I just love character dynamics where the two are so obviously married and kinda snark at each other sometimes but they have each other’s backs through everything and know each other like the back of their hands and uggghhhh this is just such a healthy good ship and such a good book. The Ahsoka novel is just fantastic all on its own because it shows Ahsoka as a young adult, kinda floundering and lost in this new world, full of guilt over what happened with Anakin and the Order, trying to do what she can to help people and just enduring because she’s a survivor, she was raised (by two argumentative, adoptive parents who love her very much SO SAYETH THE BOOK) to be a survivor and handle herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s not lonely as all hell. And oof I just fucking adore Kaeden Larte and her relationship with Ahsoka (who absolutely comes back and marries her once the war is over oh yes) and her relationship with Miara and ugh just all of it is A+++++. E.K. Johnston is just an amazing author in general and her other book, Queen’s Shadow is one of my two canon runner ups because I am in love with her Sabé and her Padmé. Other canon runner up is A Certain Point Of View, if only for the “Time of Death” chapter. Don’t get me wrong, the rest of it is also fantastic, but oh god it kills me DEAD OBI WAN DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND I CRY I REALLY CRY
EU-wise (oh god, I haven’t even gotten to least-faves yet), it has to be the Revenge of the Sith novelization. Without a question. Y’all it’s SO FUCKIN’ good, and in my personal opinion should be considerrred canonnnnnn (look I think the reason they gave for excluding it is that there’s no mention of Ahsoka or Rex or Mandalore or any of the stuff that happened literally the day before which is valid, but I counterpoint that Anakin is a mess with A Lot Going On At The Moment, he could have just forgot? He forgets most of his morals, all of his common sense, and three of his limbs by the end of the story, Snips could have just slipped his mind! xD). Anyway, besides the fact that it’s like 99% written in Obikin-colored glasses which really just makes me happy as a person because I love it being acknowledged just how important they are to each other, it really offers a deeper insight INSIDE the chaos going on in Anakin’s head, the mess, just why he falls so quickly and so awfully. I love it gives the Padmé plot that got cut on screen some validity. The beautiful beginning and the goddam introductions to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are just A++++++++++++++ and oof other people can more accurately describe just how good this book is, but I love it a Big Lot ok?
LEAST FAVE: Okey doke, here we go.... So firstly for canon, I’m not the biggest fan of how Claudia Grey writes Leia’s character. She’s a wonderful storyteller and I love her worldbuilding, but just the way she characterizes Leia herself never felt... right, ya know? Idk, I can’t really explain it, but it makes it difficult for me to enjoy her Leia novelsWarning right now that this is a VERY unpopular opinion and my opinion alone, please do not yell at me! So as skilled and admired an author Timothy Zahn is, I don’t like the Thrawn books. I’m sorry, I don’t. To me, Thrawn is just.... ok so he’s like BBC!Sherlock but in space. The plot makes a big deal about how “oooh cool and intelligent and Literally Better Than Everyone Else” Thrawn is, but the only way they really show his “cleverness” is by either him solving problems by pulling together information that literally no one but the writer knows and then acting like it was oh so obvious and in front of everyone OR, the story dumbs down other characters to make him look smart. And maybe it was because the one Thrawn book goes after Anakin/Vader in particular to do the latter is what kinda ticked me off on Thrawn books in general, but y’all, it really ticked me off, because Anakin is like the lowest hanging fruit for an author to pick to make their character look good in comparison, and therefore it is done All The Time (LOOKING AT YOU, CLONE WARS), which I think is lazy and an insult to Anakin’s character. Look, I am fully aware Anakin Skywalker is a dolt to the highest degree sometimes, but he is ALSO A GENIUS. He is SMART. IT IS CANON THAT HE IS SMART. So when the Thrawn book has Thrawn constantly one-upping Anakin The Useless Doofus (and Padmé a bit!!!) and then doing it again once he meets him as Vader, that just makes me hmmmm.
The canon comics are actually gonna be featured on the list here a bit because if y’all don’t already know my hatred for That One Particular Vader Comic (not the rest of the series run as I have not read it and from what I hear, it’s excellent and I’d probs like it a lot) doing the implication in a dream sequence where it says that Palpatine used the Dark Side to impregnate Shmi and create Anakin, well I HATE IT. Look, I know the plot was literally about Sidious trying to mess with Vader’s head and that dream shouldn’t be trusted, but it fooled all the fans too and now like 60% of Star Wars fans actually believe Sidious fathered Anakin and I am so damn tired of hearing about that. Yeah, now that Reylo is canon, that comic’s authors are trying to do damage control by saying that no, Sidious isn’t Anakin’s father and Rey and Ben are not second cousins, but they’re still being mysterious about it and “oh well it COULD be this--” so now there’s just more fans who are digging into that theory just because they don’t like Reylo and I don’t really care for the ship either but I really HATE the entire “Born of the Dark” concept for reasons I can explain more separately, so I’m pissy at that particular comic for spawning it. I know it’s petty but I do.
EU-wise, well, this is gonna be unpopular too, cuz I haven’t read most of the EU stuff, and from what I’ve heard of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that I WOULD like. The movie novelizations all seem good, but everything else??? “Obi Wan prequels but guess what, he had a shitty childhood too!” uh, no thanks, the rest of his life sucks enough, I want to see him happy. “Mandalorian worldbuilding, but they’re all a bunch of stoic, overpowered badasses who are Good At Everything And Better Than Literally Everyone and the plot bashes the Jedi left right and center!” ehhhhhhhh pass. “What happened after Return of the Jedi, except the Skywalkers still don’t get a happy ending because the galaxy goes to war again, Han and Leia’s son turns evil, Luke Suffers, and Palpatine comes back again!” nah, that sounds too depressing-- oh wAIT :) :) :)(at least the EU actually lets Han and Leia grow old and happy together okay okay that’s enough sequel salt for one day)
19. Outfit
FAVE: Everything Padmé Amidala wears in the movies. No I will not narrow it down. I am in love with her whole wardrobe and I want it.
I also love the standard Jedi tunics and tabards and cloak (c’mon, the cloak completes the picture!) It’s just such a signature and unique look that’s supposed to combine medieval European knight tunics and samurai warrior clothing and just the #aesthetic is oof, just wonderful.
Also Sabine Wren’s armor and its various paint jobs. It’s just so uniquely her and bright and beautiful and badass in all its stages and yes good I like it.
Also Lando Calrissian’s cloaks! Swooshy and colorful and good! I love cloaks!
LEAST FAVE: Gonna go with my petty, silly ones first, and those are all of Padmé Amidala’s outfits that are only seen in the The Clone Wars TV show (so not the ones that were based off of movie costumes). Eh, actually three of them were nice, her orange outfit she visits Mina in, her white casual housedress, and her black slinky Clovis dress. All of her other series-only outfits made me highkey pissy because they were either A.) Wrong for the situation she was in, B.) Defied the laws of physics and should not have held the shape they did/stayed on her body, or C.) just plain UGLY (the highest crime of all), and for the animators to have the audACITY to put any of those things in the mere vicinity of the most stylish woman in the galaxy is an insult to Padmé, an insult to ME, and an insult to Star Wars as a whole (yes, I am mostly joking, but come on!). No, I will not give the designers the excuse of clothing being difficult and expensive and time consuming to animate because I have SEEN the fancy, PRETTY outfits of the other ladies of Padmé’s status on the show. Everything Satine Kryze wore was intricately beautiful as all hell and I loved it. Riyo Chuchi’s two outfits were lovely and fashionable. Heck, I’m pretty sure I liked Mina Bonteri’s outfit too. There were tons of people on that show with stylish clothing! How hard would it have been for the animators to remember Padmé doesn’t wear exposed midriffs on official government business? That dresses with no sides or back cannot be sleeveless or they will not stay up? Not give her hairstyles that looked like either a goddam tuning fork or like Jimmy Neutron’s mother? That beige jumpsuits are BORING and adding a mauve vest is NOT enough to make it exciting!!!! xD xD xD
Aight, now in more seriousness, I also hated both of Ahsoka’s outfits in the original TCW show. Enough people have spoken on why sending a fourteen year old into an active warzone in a tube top and miniskirt is a BAD IDEA, but like it just makes me extra mad when you remember her older and more experienced at Not Getting Pulverized Masters were both in full concealing robes and chest and shoulder and shin armor, so you can’t even pass it off as Jedi not getting hurt as easily. Her updated outfit was only slightly an improvement because her Masters STILL got at least fully covering robes and arm bracers, while Ahsoka still had her entire back exposed, leg holes exposing valuable arteries and stuff, and a goddam boob window that basically signals “shoot me here”. Look, I know the animators goofed, and I know how they have learned from it because from Rebels on, they never show her as improperly covered for battle, in the new TCW season both outfits are cute and practical too, but seeing her running around in her red outfits actively impeded and took me out of my watching experience because I was cringing over her having a lack of protection, that it made her that much more vulnerable to injury.
Finally just gotta give a standard raised finger to the Slave Leia Bikini. Carrie Fisher hated it so I do too.
#thanks so much!#now i'm all worked up over Padmé's TCW costuming jeez#like there was one other outfit of hers the purple midriff exposing dress that was pretty i liked it#but like.... it was NOT something she would wear to meet the fucking Queen of Naboo like seriously#@ liz i got your ask too don't worry but it is a wee bit longer and i'm still working on it lol#asks#nerdgatehobbit#star wars#star wars stuff#queen of my heart#snip snap#ahsoka tano#padme amidala#ship: space parents#space cowboy#mvp (most valuable pilot)
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