#if the art looks different it's cause I tried out photoshop
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A palisman won't leave Philip alone
[Defanged Philip AU]
#if the art looks different it's cause I tried out photoshop#defanged philip au#lil guy appearing out of nowhere that one time you travled through the forest and now he won't leave you#haha funny he's scared his old urges might come back and just squash the palisman subconsciously#Philip refuses to name it/learn his name because that's when you get attatched#philip wittebane#the impulsive thoughts to just crunch is very strong#fgarart
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Another entry. Firstly, Still With Me? Did JK release a new song that I didn’t know about? Secondly, I would rather speculate that a song is about someone then a hand gesture that a lot of people do.
I saw them coming at us for paying attention to numbers and 11/08 even though that's way more real than whatever tf this is. Like... aren't they embarrassed????
Anyway guys, I have an announcement to make.
Attention please!
Thank u ☺☺
Okay so I've been getting alot of frustrated asks mad at tkkrs and antis on twitter, right? Unfortunately I tend not to post them because I don't wanna bring too much negativity on this blog. Especially when some of those things are vile AF. Anyway, the point of this post is, My friends and I are in a Jikook discord and a few of us do this thing on twitter where we fight antis and shit especially when they come to Jikook spaces.
As we know recently a big Jikook account with 15k followers was attacked the other day for liking a post from an anti. But she had no idea that person was one. She just liked the post coz it was Jikook related. It's an easy mistake to make, really. She tried apologising and explaining she'd blocked the anti but these assholes didn't listen. They went though her profile and started commenting under all her regular, normal tweets that she was an anti and should be ashamed of herself or whatever. They were determined to give her no peace whatsoever.
When called out themselves, one account shamelessly said that they were antis and proud. That they didn't pretend that they don't hate Jimin. This really made me mad. It's not the first time they've been quite proud of the Jimin hate they partake in. Tkk accounts will gets thousand of likes on a post hating on Jimin and this ain't right. An anon sent in an ask venting about us being cowards and I agree. They attack Jikookers and these jkkrs end up deleting their Jikook posts. THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT!!! Its not.
They do this thing where they move in balk. My friends and I tried to back this account up. Encouraged her not to let them get to her. But it dont matter that 5 people are on your side if 30 people are telling you to kill yourself its just... /sigh/
This account is still running. But they had to unfollow everyone they follow and start from scratch. This ain't right guys. Its just not fair no matter how u look at it. I think we need to start giving tkkrs the same energy they give us.
Simply ignoring them is NOT working. We don't go to them, they come to us. I think its time Jikookers fought fire with fire. Which is why I'm making this post. A few of us had the idea to create a Jikook fighting discord.
If you are reading this and are tired of taking shit lying down. If you have wanted to fight these people but you were worried that you are just one person and won't make a difference. If you see the Jimin hate and wish there was something you could do about it, I come with an offer. Fuck tkkrs. Fuck antis. Fuck solos and fuck ot7 accounts that call out the vermin but then delete their tweets when they start to loose followers. Fuck all these people. Lets do something about this, ourselves.
Tkkrs are the ones causing chain reactions. If they didn't attack Jimin, Jimin solos wouldn't attack V and JK. (Yesterday I saw an art of JK with a dirty diaper and I just...🤮) If they shipped in peace and didn't attack Jimin literally all this shit wouldn't be happening.
I say we give them a taste of their own medicine. So if you see this post and you agree that enough is enough, then come join us here.
If you can't join then spread the word. Time to defend Kookmin and Koominers. Fuck this shit. The vermin have ran rampant for long enough. Photoshopping Jimin getting blown by band pd wasn't enough. Now they're editing him into porn. Guys, they've go10 too comfortable. Let's do something!
1) Create a separate twitter account before you join us. Safer not to use your main
2) ONLY Jikookers allowed in this discord. If you are not one of us we will know.
See you soon. I hope some of you consider. This shit has to stop. Kookminers assemble!!
Bless 💜
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I love your art! (I clicked on your art tag and started scrolling.) What is your process for creating a piece? Do you usually look at a single reference photo which you draw from? Do you somehow incorporate photos into your drawings by drawing over them? (I did that once on a tablet.) Or do you use another method? Thanks!
omg hiiiii thanks so much!!!!!!!!
my process is a bit all over the place (I've tried to describe it before with not much success, maybe now I can do a better job hahaha) but yes I always need reference photos, I can't draw anything from my imagination :(
sometimes I use more than one picture, but most times I think I use just one photo that I really like and want to reproduce.
when I'm feeling super inspired and I have a lot of free time, I draw from observation only. And then if I get stuck on a particular spot that I feel I can't get right, I overlay the reference picture and make the necessary adjustments. I've been replicating images for such a long time that nowadays I can usually overlay the original over my drawing and 90% of lines match 😅
And when I draw on paper I do the same thing, I place the paper over my screen to check if the lines are where they should be, but always retroactively, first I draw then I check.
I actually started out drawing everything upside down! I learned that technique with another artist (I took a course when I was in high school 15 years ago), cause apparently if you flip your reference upside down, a house stops being a house, eyes stop being eyes, a mouth stops being a mouth, so you can focus on distances between points, lines, areas and proportions only, without thinking "oh a mouth looks like a little cartoon bird on top of a minimalist boat" or whatever, but rather "this shape is about the same size as that one, and is positioned in relation to that other one and that other line..."
So that's sort of how I learned to draw/replicate I what I see (if that made any sense). And replicating a photo is much easier than drawing reality cause a picture is already 2D, when I'm drawing something real I have to convert the 3 dimensions to 2 in my head and I often get a headache by the end of the process lmao
Sometimes I don't have the time or energy (it takes a lot of effort from the brain to do the observation thing) and in those cases I do some lines over the reference pic just to get key areas, then I delete the reference layer (of course I keep a copy in another corner of the screen so I can keep looking at it) and paint over the sketched lines till they mostly disappear.
I think painting is the most fun - either in color or b&w - getting the shades to blend and the painting to look realistic is the part that I like most.
I usually paint on photoshop but I recently got a tablet and I've been trying out new software on it. I mostly require a soft brush with opacity varying with pressure. I start out by doing blocks of color and then I blend blend blend.
I often think that my art is not very good (sometimes I question whether it's art in the first place), cause the only thing I'm good at is copying what I see, and because of that I've been trying to play more with colors and textures, trying to make my paintings a bit more different than their reference photos, a bit more "artistic" idk.
I wish I could do more stylized stuff.
But the realism can be fun too, it relaxes my brain after a whole day of PhDying.
Thank you so much for the ask!!! And for telling me that you like my stuff (ಥ _ ಥ)
means a lot <3
#I hope this made some sense??#I think I'm gonna try to put some examples in a reblog later#thanks for the ask!#wild-raven-and-crow#kirk.goes.to.gallifrey
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Hi, I just saw your wooden planchette purse (super cute!) and I was curious how you take your photos? Getting that smooth all white background and lighting and stuff
Hello! Thank you!!
Apologies for this being so long. I can def chat about photography. Let me know if I can answer any other questions or go into even more detail!
For the most part I take photos on a white background in two ways. The planchette purse ones were taken on a MyStudio background which is a white plastic corner thing that looks like this:
I got it on Amazon years ago after Skullery (ParliamentRook here on Tumblr) talked about using one. (the price has gone up there so maybe check other stores if interested)
However! I also just use large pieces of Bristol board paper, either flat on a table or with it taped or weighed down into a similar curved backdrop (running along a wall for the back and across a table on the bottom). Here's a pic of it flat:
And here's what that shot looks like on my phone:
Here's a picture of it kind of curved against the cat's bed instead of a wall:
Here's the final edited shot from my camera.
(I know these two samples don't show very much white background like the purse photos do, but I can't find too many photos that show the full setup as is, zoomed out. I've use the paper trick for a lot of my photos though, especially the embroidery hoop art pieces. You can use multiple pieces of large paper for large photo subjects by either erasing or editing out where one edge of the paper overlaps another.)
The big trick is to use natural - but diffused - light as much as possible! To the direct left of these photos is a huge living room window (the first sample photo is taken where the lamp is in the second). The folded white Bristol on the right side in both shots bounces the light from the window back across the photo subject.
As far as diffused light, it'll kind of depend on your region/location and windows. Bright but overcast/cloudy is best because the light is being softened through the clouds. Timing during different parts of the day/seasons can help too, like morning over midday. Sunny direct light can blow out details and cause sharp shadows. I'm personally having a difficult time getting good natural lighting for photography now in my current living situation because the light here is always so bright. The pictures of the purse and the sample pics above were all taken in Washington state. It was easier to get shots in winter/spring instead of summer. I feel like I developed a good photo style while living there and I can't quite capture light and color that way anymore unfortunately.
I'd recommend checking out all your windows and the way the light shifts throughout the day. At a friend's house, taking them right outside her garage door was the best and at previous place I lived it was out on the front patio.
This is one of my recent photo experiments using light indoors (there's a second bulb above just out of frame):
There's also ways to make simple lightboxes like this one (and this video gives a good visual for the curved paper backdrop I tried to describe):
youtube
As far as stats for other info, the camera I shoot with - besides my phone - is an old Nikon D50 with a 50mm f/1.8D fixed lens originally for shooting concert photography. My only other lens is broken, but the f/1.8 makes it great for low light as needed. (Lowering the f-stop also gives you that depth of field blur.) A tripod can be super helpful, especially if it's low light and you need to lower the shutter speed and use a timer. I shoot all my camera photos in RAW instead of JPG because it gives you way more options for photo editing before any adjustments in Photoshop. On my phone I use Afterlight for photo editing.
If you read this entire thing, thank you for sticking it out! And again, if anyone has any questions or if I can take sample pics or anything, feel free to drop me an Ask. <3
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supernatural s7e12 time after time (w. robbie thompson)
flowing locks and partial chops
okay everyone, the burning question has been answered. untitled 1 and 2 made it to the new laptop. whew. unfortunately, the worst of the 3 photoshopped pictures from the other episode ended up on the fake webpage
another shoutout to the foley artists, i appreciate watching with headphones. nice nighttime outside sounds in the background here. much as i complain about the score, the other sound stuff is really good!
DEAN
Don't give me that dirty-diaper look. I ain't calling you.
weird but adorable
see nicholas lea in the credits and i'm trying to remember if that's a recurring character in this show or krycek in the xfiles 🥴
SAM
I can't believe I'm about to say this but I hope you're watching cartoon smut, 'cause reading Dick Roman crap over and over again is just self-punishment.
DEAN
It's called anime, and it's an art form.
think you mean hentai, bro
DEAN
How does paper beat a rock? It's stupid.
no scissors for dean, huh (it's like the alternate timeline sam and dean where he actually tries to win?) cute how padalecki played it, showing he noticed dean was actin different
okay. cute and all but why don't they share the bedroom? being that they share a room in motels? probably would be sleeping further away than normal, really. weird.
always holding that fake brand beer like it's a product placement. hypin up the product designers that made it
SAM
What, are you gonna look up more anime, or are you strictly into Dick now?
looked very pleased with himself about that joke. but then dean got to show off his new security camera finding skills so it all evens out
SAM
Wait a sec.
SAM takes back the laptop.
DEAN
You can't let me bask in the glory for one second, can you?
SAM
Shut up. Look.
made me laugh
plan Don't Die ✅ didn't say anything about time travel though
it is krycek! good job, brain!
the xfiles s4e8 tunguksa - nicholas lea as alex krycek
40s with eliot ness seems like it should be a cosplay dream for dean
ken doll dean back in action. what a cutie
what are the odds that the sideburns will be reach his dimples by the end of the season
sam and jody bonding is sweet. invoking my warm and fuzzy feelings about rufus too no less. i'm still bummed that ellen got swapped out for jody, but i'm coming around on her
DEAN
I used to do it 'cause that's what my family did.
DEAN
But they just seem to keep dying. To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm doing much of anything anymore.
ELIOT NESS
Boo-hoo. Cry me a river, ya nancy. Tell me, are all hunters as soft as you in the future? Everybody loses everybody
dean truly ready to unload on any stranger. embarrassing but also relatable. much harder to talk to people who know you. and half the show's conflict would disappear if dean could talk to sam about his feelings as freely as he does strangers :p
DEAN turns away and wipes his lips. He sees three addressed envelopes, picks them up and smiles.
DEAN
"Back to the Future III."
okay but we already did this in the frontierland episode with the ashes of the phoenix and samuel colt getting the address of dean's phone -_- all right, not using the postal service, but the house, good tweak at least
the way he hurled himself onto the hard floor and the sound effect they used 😂
he's so pleased :)
the old lady remembering a whole lot of very specific details about something 68 years ago. and can id dean. sammy pleased no more
no time traveling reunion escaped the clutches of death again hug? so stingy.
got me thinking about another note dean wrote sam (and thought he called him sammy so since i looked it up to confirm here it is
s5e18 point of no return
#supernatural#spnwatch#spn 7x12#robbie thompson#spn desktop background update#spnhiky#hiky#the xfiles#alex krycek#nicholas lea#sideburns#chopsurveillance
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Fuck Hope
This is basically me being mad at myself for still having some feelings for my ex, missing him, and deep down still hoping that he'd regret breaking up with me. I hate how even after almost a year when he's clearly happy with someone else, I still wake up every day wishing things were back to what they were before. Hope really is a double-edged sword.
As established before, Eufrene (the one in yellow) symbolizes my hope and generally optimistic side
More about her here: www.deviantart.com/pandemellia…
And Antera (the one showing Eufrene the middle fingers XD) symbolizes my anger, heartbreak, and sadness.
More about Antera here: www.deviantart.com/pandemellia…
Because of my contradicting emotions about how I feel about my ex, they don't get along well right now. XD Eufrene miraculously still tries to see the good in him and desperately wishes he'd come back. She's the part of me that romanticizes the good times I had with him and still clings to the illusion he created of being a kind-hearted person. However, Antera knows that holding on to hope is only causing her (me) to feel more heartbreak. Also, Antera's that part of me that'll seemingly forever hold resentment and anger for my ex cheating on me and leaving me for someone else. Her ability to hold a grudge is no joke.
Think about this dynamic like the characters in Inside Out.
God, this sounds so cringe when I write it out, but it just makes perfect sense in my head!
I tried making this kinda funny by basing this off that meme with someone giving the middle finger to a crying cat, but I don't know that joke lands lol. It was hilarious in my mind until I drew it.
Here's the image: knowyourmeme.com/photos/138454…
As for the process of creating this, this drawing was me experimenting with trying a different style again. I tried using a charcoal brush for lineart/shading in Photoshop instead of the usual round hard pressure brush I use and drew the lineart with slightly thicker lines this time. I was going for this rugged, dark look, but it just ended up looking wrong to me. Lowering the lineart's opacity saved it a bit. This is disappointing because I see other artists draw with even thicker lineart and it looks good when they do it XD
Right now, I don't know if I should keep using textured brushes, or go back to my smooth lines. I don't think using a charcoal brush worked as well in this image because of the thicker lines, but it did work for my Dr. Two-Brains drawing.
Probably because the lineart was thin. On the other hand, drawing and shading with the hard-pressure brush is just so satisfying, but I feel like I could achieve a darker art style if I use textured brushes.
Speaking of brushes, I used these embroidery brushes (by NadinePau-stock) for Antera's sheer sleeves to make them look like lace. You can barely see it because she's mostly in the dark foreground, but I still think it was a nice touch. c:
Drawing this was also a challenge too. It's rare that I draw multiple characters where not only do I have to draw them from different angles, but also in different spaces relative to each other. I really tried my best with using references and all, so I hope I got the perspective right.
Another challenge was trying to shade in different textures. I used the same brush for everything, but I redesigned Eufrene a bit. She's one of those baby dolls that have a plastic/rubber head, and a plush body, (like this one: www.ebay.com/itm/233705053614) which is why her neck looks weird. XD But hey, that's what the references on this type of doll showed me.
So I started off cell-shading her face and used soft shading on the rest of her body, but halfway through rendering, the filters, and other shadow layers I added to the characters....overshadowed that.
I know she looks cuter when I first drew her, but I wanted her design to reflect my deteriorating mental health, so I tried to make her look weirder and creepier looking. Especially with her face, I wanted to exaggerate that chubby face that these baby dolls have. I'd like to think that her first image portrays her (me) in a slightly better mental state (not like I was better at the time of that drawing lol) and that my OCs start to look better as I heal.
And my OCs look weird and cursed as fuck in general because I want to go out of my comfort zone, and create a horror/ gloomy-like art style.
I have more OCs, and I'm gonna try to make them look just as cursed as these two XD.
And then there's the usual challenge of drawing different emotions other than having characters smile all of the time. I think I did okay this time.
Overall, I'm on a roll with this because it hasn't even been a week since I drew Dr. Two-Brains, yet I still finished this. That is extremely rare, and I really hope my energy doesn't run out. I think this was mostly because I drew this during my days off from work, but I actually did something instead of just rotting in bed and scrolling through social media all day. I still feel depressed and heartbroken, but drawing things like this helps me out a little. Every time I finish a drawing; I feel so accomplished like I'm getting my shit together X'D
Unfortunately, I have to do a lot more than just drawing if I actually wanna get my shit together, but it's a start.
#personal vent#vent post#vent blog#cw vent#vent tag#venting#vent art#tw vent#vent#original character#my ocs stuff#ocs tag#heartbreak#heartbroken#pandemellia#artists on tumblr#digital art
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Character Walk animation
For my walk animation I am following this tutorial here
youtube
Starting from this position, I used photoshop to erase the characters left leg and started drawing it out so it would be bent. After I finished I realized that I did the whole thing wrong and messed up dramatically.
I did the wrong leg. I knew I would make a mistake as I always have struggled with walking animation in pixel art. More commonly I just make the legs move up and down, for a character like this, I am unable to do this as the legs are more detailed than my previous work. To combat this I am playing with the idea of putting rockets on the characters feet that only appear when the character tries to walk.
Above is the character I drew but with the front leg bent forward slightly.
Above is a character named Astro Boy. what I had in mind at first but I figured that the feet turning to rockets didn't suit the characters style. Although I do really like the iron man style it has. It unfortunately doesn't work with what I had in mind.
After I looked at Astro Boy, I looked at Sojourn from Overwatch. I really like the style of this and think that having boosters attached to the calf of the robot would be amazing until I realize that they would be sliding while walking, the character would be in a walking position meaning that the boosters would push the character into the ground.
Above is inspector Gadget. A show about a robotic inspector with many gadgets attached to their body. Making them useful in most if not all situations. The character uses its gadgets to solve mysteries. What intrigued me into his character is the rocket shoes the character has that are attached to roller skates. I really really love this idea and want to include this into my character.
Above is my attempt at the rocket boots I made in Photoshop. This has taken me arounf 10 minutes of adjusting. I still don't like how they came out. To me they look more like flowers than rockets. I am going to try different variations until I find something I like.
Above is my rocket animation for my character. I made he character also crouch down and move his head down to resemble stability when the character is gliding. The only thing this causes is that the character would need a trail behind them.
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Project 3’s goal was to create a voting poster. We had to pick an inspiring quote from a list to base the idea of the poster on. I picked “The political core of any movement for freedom in the society has to have the political imperative to protect free speech.” —Bell Hooks.
I didn’t know where to begin for this quote, and I honestly don’t know why I picked it since I didn’t know what to do. I just felt like… it wasn’t generic? I didn’t want to pick a quote that I already had of bunch of ideas for, because the ideas were basic and related to posters I’ve seen before. So, I just went with Bell Hooks and dissected every word I could. In my original sketches, I thought “core” was an interesting word, and what has cores? Apples! And jokingly I drew an apple thinking it would never make it past the sketch stage. We later did small group critique in class and both my partners really liked the apple, and I’m glad they did. I had a lot of fun brainstorming a ton of ideas.
Surprisingly, I didn’t think about an eaten apple till the 11th sketch. My professor mentioned something about it being more melancholic, and that just stood out to me. So I kept drawing eaten apples instead of the full ones. I liked the angles, the different colors, it just pops nicely to me. But I also don’t enjoy politics myself, I think the reality we live in today is really melancholic. Sometimes as a voter, we may feel meaningless due to the small portion we contribute. Sometimes there are people in power that don’t care about the people but their own party’s agendas (both sides). So, politics to me are not something that always creates positivity, I wanted to keep the eaten apple. So, now I have my main apple (the one on the top of the line, see pictures below). I tried drawing from scratch but I couldn’t get it just right. I eventually just took a picture of a sketch I loved and traced it. I just tried stuff out and didn’t overthink this process. I knew I wanted the lines as shadows though, I just felt, it fit and I liked it. So, I ended up with a cartoonish apple in my own style.
THE BACKGROUND. Gosh, this took the most amount of time. First I wanted a sideways paint slash but the app I use on my iPad didn’t have anything tactile enough. I wanted the paint to look real, with shadows and you could tell the paint was thick on the flat paper. Then I tried Adobe illustrator, no luck. Adobe Photoshop, no luck. Nothing looked 3D! So I went to the store over the weekend, got some cheap paint, canvas and brushes… did not work. I have absolutely no experience in paint, I really should have researched before I got anything, haha! But hey, I spent an hour messing around with paint and got it all over my hands and even on my wall! I did this on my bed by the way, with the plastic bag under everything, surprisingly no paint on my sheets. After washing my hands multiple times, I noticed the soap was like the shiny-ness I wanted, so I added soap to my paint and put it on a canvas, it did change a little, but it was a fun little experiment. The paint was still too flat! I started worrying wether I would be able to think of something else before the deadline for the project. So, I slept on it…
Last class to come up with an idea, and it just popped in my brain “reflection”. Ok, what reflects? Water! I drew a line across the middle so I could make that as the top of the water. I copied my apple, flipped it and I wanted to try taking the color out of it. I started smearing the greyscale apple but it just didn’t look anything like water. I decided to move on and thought, what if I put colors over the apple? Like abstract art? And I liked it. It was really cool, abstract dots and lines over a colorless apple. In the back of my mind I wanted to see what else I could discover, so I kept going. I must have been unconsciously conscious for this part cause I just found a brush and started loosely filling the bottom apple. Now I had the finished product, but I needed contrast, so I tried black lines on a whim. Worked out pretty well, cause I love it!
For a while, I knew I wanted the text to border the outside and highlight some words in red (especially core). A project someone else had from project one (six word memoirs) had text around the border and I really wanted to try it. Plus the bordered text takes up space without taking away from the picture. I did try placing the text in the bottom apple but it was too busy (see picture below). The best part of the text I chose is the name of it, ‘apple myungjo’. It has the word ‘apple’ in it!! And I love the way it looks in my poster as well.
For the critique stage I got a lot of good feedback and it made me feel really good about my poster. I got asked the question “why do you have the line in the middle?” And I didn’t have an answer! I never thought about the significance of it. Or “did you line up the line, ‘n’ and ‘l’ (in the quote) together on purpose?”… no, I never thought of it. It’s amazing how much there is to think about, not just in the way you compose a picture, but the words that are in it. I learned a lot this project and I had a lot of fun. I would definitely do this again to see what else I could come up with.
Pictures:
1. Process sketches, get the ideas out of my mind and onto paper
2. Apple ideas
3. Apple ideas continued
4. first idea try
5. Second idea try
6. Trace of sketch I loved, tried different colors too
7. Apple, mirror, try text in apple
8. Apple, mirror, abstract
9. Finished picture
10. finished poster
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Opened my Etsy Shop!
Hello! o/ I mentioned in last night's blog post that THIS post was coming today, so here we are!
It took a while to gain the courage for me to do this, but I finally opened my Etsy shop!
With my Etsy shop open, the path is open for me to place Resin pieces in it whenever I desire to. All my products will be in one place. And like before when my shop was on RedBubble, all items in my Etsy are still using my own self-created art/graphics with no use of AI.
I use a completely outdated freebie version of Photoshop CS2 for my art. I show some of my layer work here on my Tumblr if anyone is ever curious enough to browse through my posts or follow. I might make it a habit to show more of that in the future because the world is becoming more accustomed to using AI and society is becoming split on the matter.
But enough on this controversial topic, I just wanted to make it clear that I do NOT use AI and I'm not a fan of it in the art world.
I knew I wanted a Print-to-Order on-Demand "Partner" and that was something I was looking heavily into for the longest time. Actually I think this was causing me the most anxiety, because this is important! This is where quality of products comes in. I do my homework guys. I research thoroughly.
I found one I'm very pleased with, and it's Printful. Look forward to future blog posts similar to my "RedBubble Product Review Posts", because I've ordered items from Printful with my graphics and I'll be doing reviews on their items. I'll try to do them more often too 👍🏻 (assuming life doesn't get in the way and I have funds to do so, lol)
So far I've added 38 listings to my shop. I don't want to overcrowd it. I feel for the amount of designs I have and the amount of products Printful has available for me to utilize, this is balanced. From here I'll work on new designs.
If there is something OLD that you may have liked (in my RB shop) and is no longer available (in my Etsy shop), I apologize, but I have to put the past behind me and move forward.
There is a fear of "Will this work for me, or not?" on Etsy, because I need to pull in traffic and their rating requirement system is harsh- basically need 5-stars otherwise you drop out of their search engines entirely. But "nothing risked, nothing gained".
I'm putting this at the bottom of the post because it's more on the ranting side, but RedBubble upped their tier fees again which also inspired much of this change.
I mentioned this in a Tumblr post a couple days ago, but to break it down and put it in perspective:
An Artist in "Redbubble Standard" tier who earned a 25$ paycheck in a month used to get charged an 11$ fee. That's 43%. Couldn't change their tier. It progressively scales worse, and all us RB sellers thought that was bad.
Now with their new system, that they tried to play off as "This will include a fee increase of less than $1 for most artists.", is significantly worse. (That's literally how they phrased it in the e-mail)
If you make 25$ a month in "Redbubble Standard" tier, you get charged a 17$ fee. That's 67%. And it continues to rise at an insane rate- in the 70%+ range.
They have a form you can attempt to submit, trying to "get a real person to reevaluate your shop to be placed in a different tier"- but that doesn't work. I tried it. Pretty sure that inspires false hope and it's bogus. I didn't even get an automated basic reply back. Not a "you submitted a form!" or "you've been denied." or "your evaluation is in progress.", nothing.
RedBubble products were okay quality. At times the quality wasn't that great in my opinion but people liked the items I felt that way about and economics is all about supply & demand 🤷🏻♀️. I was fine selling their items because the pricing was on par with the quality. The saying "You get what you pay for." comes to mind. But would I go out of the way to buy their items? No.
And I'm going to apologize again if any or all of this sounds negative or sarcastic or moody... I'm just saying things like I see it 😅🫠
Thank you everyone who has been supporting me all this time! 💖 And to anyone new! 💖
(I know the point of posting on this website is to tag all the things, but I feel bad and weird about tagging all the things 😖)
#jade.blog#etsyseller#etsyshop#accessories#clothing#octopus#ffxiv job stones#konpeito#space#ginkgo#mugs#journals#totebag#bomberjacket#stickers#galaxy#night sky#milky way
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Week 1
Today we looked at adobe software and tried out drawing straight line shapes in Illustrator. Have only slightly explored Illustrator previously so felt pretty okay with picking up the concepts of using the software.
Above are my class notes and the learning of some basic shortcuts. These have become very helpful in my other classes and personal projects as my previous experiences with adobe I spend a lot of time hunting for the tool, not knowing their shortcuts. I now need to spend the time to learn more of these shortcuts as would help me cut down time spent. The shortcut I have found the most helpful has been V and A, keys to switch between the selection tool and direct selection tool, as while creating line work these are very helpful with perfecting them. I feel like I'll need to get more used to the zoom tool as I keep zooming in way too close or zooming in to the wrong place.
Vector vs Raster
Vector graphics are digital art that is rendered using a mathematical formula, creating smooth lines and images no matter how close you zoom in. Raster graphics are many up of a bunch of tiny images, causing them to be dependent on the resolutions and best used for creating photos. Illustrator will create vector graphics and photoshop will create rastor graphic's.
For the exercise above, we attempted these straight line shapes on paper first and them recreated them on adobe Illustrator to get a feel for how different the two are. On Illustrator you don't draw the line but instead select the starting point and then the ending point and it will create the straight line for you. Im proud of my illustrator lightening strike and dog as these were the two I struggled with the most yet I feel like they turned out pretty well.
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Week 10: November 8
This week, I tried again to explore playing with the printer after I saw someone on Tik Tok doing it (I lost the Tik Tok, the video may have been one of the removed ones from my favorites.)
I put a random phrase that I got from a generator, and placed it in photoshop after choosing a font, the printed it. I them scanned the printed images, and manipulated it as it was scanned, causing the text to come out distorted and wavy. I then also generated a random object to go with the random phrase, and would print an image of that and manipulate it as I scanned it. Finally, I would put the manipulated image and text together back in photoshop to form an interesting composition, and to see what connections were made between the random phrase and objects.
In this scan, the duck may not be a fish, but it does swim in the water like one, and it is out of water. Compositionally, I think that this scan is the most interesting.
This scan I had the most trouble finding a connection between the phrase and object. I actually more noticed the differences between them, as the fluffiness of the ideas of a cloud and the sharpness of the scissors contrasted in my mind.
In this scan, shot made me think of basketball, which made me think of a basketball, which is a ball just like a beach ball.
I also looked a little more into Surrealism since the critique last week. These scans kind of remind me of a combination between The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali and The Treachery of Images by René Magritte. The images and text have the same melting quality of the clocks in The Persistence of Memory, but have the format of a “mismatching” object and label like The Treachery of Images. In a similar way, it brings into questions what is meaning, and how do we even decide if an image goes together or not.
As mentioned above, my creative research was mostly focused on surrealism this week. I looked at The Historical Dictionary of Surrealism by Keith Aspley.
Citation: Keith Aspley. 2010. Historical Dictionary of Surrealism. Historical Dictionaries of Literature and the Arts. Lanham, Md: Scarecrow Press. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e000xna&AN=341973&site=ehost-live.
Link: http://ezproxy.stevens.edu/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=e000xna&AN=341973&site=ehost-live&ebv=EB&ppid=pp_3
Summary: The Historical Dictionary of Surrealism relates the history of this movement through a chronology, an introductory essay, a bibliography, and over 600 cross-referenced dictionary entries on persons, circles, and groups who participated in the movement; a global entry on some of the journals and reviews they produced; and a sampling of major works of art, cinema, and literature.
Particular sections are highlighted below:
Here, Surrealism “refers to the artistic and literary movement that attempts to express the workings of the subconscious mind and is characterized by incongruous juxtapositions of images, probably needs to be approached from different angles: chronological, thematic, and linguistic, among others”. This definition is important because it emphasizes the importance of juxtaposition in the movement.
This quote talks about some terms that are used in surrealism.
This book was a great introduction to the Surrealist movement, and does a good job of explaining its history, timeline, terms, and notable figures. I like that it emphasizes juxtaposition as a key part of the movement, as meaning is made through the juxtaposition of images, text, and what the viewer is expecting.
Overall this week, I learned a lot more about Surrealism, where it came from, and how works from this period function. The article I read related well with the artwork that I made this week, which ended up seeming like a combination between The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali with the melting images, and The Treachery of Images by René Magritte with the image caption format. I further explored how connections are made between unlike images and phrases through this work (going back to how our brains will jump to find the pattern). This actually might be my first exploration that includes both images and text. I really liked the visual effect of the scanner as well, and thought that these pieces came out visually interesting as well as relating to my topic. Next week I plan to further explore meaning, as well as make something digital (maybe video?)
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Bit Rot 600 Words Evaluation
In this Unit 4 part 1, we have been looking through the different techniques of using InDesign from basics to a few interesting unique skills and learnt how to make GIFs through Photoshop.
We started looking through a few essays from the original work of Bit Rot after everyone had read through their given essays, we gave out reviews of the style and content of the essay so that people that are given the same essay would be able to reference each other ideas for the bit rot to visualize the process.
After understanding the essay, we started looking through information about Typography Fundamentals, The CMYK Colour Changing Skills, a few Design Fundamentals and Type Fundamentals. We also tried making our own Bit Rot Portrait for the Visualized Essay.
Before really understanding how the portrait works, we developed a few attempts at it, after everyone gave the review of the works I got the idea that what I made in the Portrait was too big and overcrowded and it was in a messy form shape so I have chosen the best piece and did a slight rework of it and the result comes out lovely.
After finishing the portrait we start working on our own Essay format. I looked up and did research on the formats and unique skills found in visualized magazines from Instagram and in the next 2 days I came out with the detailed final Essay layouts.
Before I start working on the essay, I did a few of Douglas Coupland's and David Carson's art reviews and his Exhibition Reviews to understand more about how his style works and I learnt lots of Indesign skills in class so that I will be prepared before working on the main piece.
While I'm working on reviews and researching different techniques online, I find out visualizing essays effectively I must keep a balance of the text and colours of the essay which will gives a great impact on how it comes out at the end, Fonts are also important of visual telling since the Fonts itself are the main emotion telling of the whole purpose of visual essays. I must keep the organisation of both text and other formats clean and easy for the readers. The last thing before I start working on the main essay I must confirm that the readers will able to understand the story by only reading through the words which are visualized so that I gave my final format idea to a few people to give a review and end the last format need tiny changes and I will be ready to start making on my final piece.
When I start working on my final piece of the Bit Rot Essay, I find out that the format I made wasn't all suitable for the sentence I was working on, so I collected a few drafts and formats from the other classmate that have the same essay to reference.
After reading through their plans and the sketches I find out a few critical and useful ideas that were mostly used and worked with the essay really well, so I did a few reworks of their tiny ideas but still kept my style and format in shape.
While I'm working on the essay, to make the essay more attractive I used different techniques I learnt in the last few weeks from working on the Size of the Text to why it works and considering how it works well with the text in the essay. I did a few mistakes at first but after a few times of reworks and reviews I finally came out with the best form of the final Bit Rot Essay in the last week.
Even though I made a few critical mistakes in this project like the style and the layout being out of the topic cause of other elements but I solved them after getting help, to improve and avoid these issues I must speak more to the teacher for even more reviews and I mustn't skip some part of words so that I will be able to stick with the given topic and style.
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you remember this image, right? so I 1. couldn't find the og post about it and 2. went back on the hunt for it's origins.
i still haven't found much, other than an Amino which edited the pic without sourcing where they got it and the og Pinterest post, which says that Ryan said "You can't put your arms around a memory" about it. that's actually a song by Johnny Thunders which Ryan covered in 2012, and also tweeted "Can't put your arms around a memory", but I can't seem to connect that to the image.
and then by the time I got there. Google was no longer letting me image search. so I tried again.
AND ANSWERS WERE FOUND! but only partially
Tinsley Mortimer (from Real Housewives) hosted a New Year's Eve Party At Japonais Presented by SKY New York.
Panic! At The Disco and Pete Wentz were both in attendance to this event, and although I could not find the specific picture, the hair styles match, so you'd think it's this event, or at least circa 2006, right?
well. only maybe. because after looking through the pics, the outfits are completely different!
so now I'm stuck between the picture possibly being taken in late 2005/06 and Ryan having said something in 2012. i still have no idea.
First of all. Pop off Sherlock Holmes! Genuinely idk if this is just you (and honestly me cause I'm way too invested in this) just having extreme brainrot + internet sleuthing or you're cut out to be a detective but I'm so glad to be your John Watson that you just bounce ideas off of.
Now it's currently 1 a.m. and I've just had a mental beak over an art project but my brain is whirling.
Now that I'm looking again this Ryan in the picture looks a lot older than Brendon in the picture (idk maybe it's the scruff) so I'll just play devil's advocate for a second and say this could possibly point to this being a photoshop. Also the the proportions of Ryan's hand to his head feels horribly wrong and the lighting is odd but that could just be attributed to the flash. Maybe the photo was taken and then only slightly edited for quality for publishing or something?
Side note: is there a mark on the back of Ryan's hand there? Is it a tattoo do we know if he has one? I can't believe I'm about to ask this but do we have claer photos of his hands?
Also the glass in the lower left corner that Brendon is holding looks like a stock photo due to the white hue of the unfilled part of the glass but again, that could just be the flash.
These areas specifically:
Bother me.
Because the top one has a weird defined like between the hair where clearly they should have smushed together. This could be attributed to the shitty quality or Brendon's hair being gelled or sweaty but idk i don't think so.
Also the bottom part, Brendon's feels too... smooth? Too blended? Could be pixles. Could not.
Also the song lyric? Hear me out, could be something from a fic. Like you often see tumblr posts or memes on Pinterest and under it you'll see quotes from like a Wattpad story or something. If Ryan supposedly said it once and covered the song then there's no reason why a fan wouldn't use the song for a Ryden songfic. Our hypothetical writer here could have taken those pics from the New year's eve party and photoshoped them for their fic.
Or there could have been an outfit change at the party perhaps?
Also I looked at the years you mentioned and I looked them up. Specifically Brendon in 2006 and Ryan is 2012.
This is Brendon in 2006:
makes sense
And this is Ryan in 2012 (at least according to Google):
Notice the scruff the volume in the haircut/sytle.
Idk this all only 10 mins worth of thinking and I think the Google search of Ryan 2012 shouldn't be completely trusted cause Ryan had kinda stepped out of the lime light so he wasn't taking as many photos and they certainly weren't time stamped as thoroughly. Maybe we could ask bandom tumblr for 2012 Ryan pics? Ya know, for science? The case?
Also through what did you find out about panic!'s + Pete's attendance to the party? An article? Could you share the link? I could read through it for clues or try and find similar articles.
Also this if this American Housewife has a twitter we could check it. See if she posted an photos of it in 2006. Or check Brendon's socials (though I doubt we'll find anything remotely Ryan related there). Also if that fails there's always MySpace (tho that's a limited source since we'll only has archived screenshots) or Livejournal (after all it's proven usefull to the petekey girlies).
Also if you check my tag lexi's cursed ryden pictures and scroll you'll find the original ask you send to me
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Mass Effect development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development
This is the Mass Effect version of this post.
[In case you can’t read it the subtitle in the bottom left logo above is “Guardians of the Citadel”]
Note: Drug use is mentioned.
Cut for length.
Mass Effect 1
ME began its life in a vision document in fall 2003
Codenamed “SFX”
Conceived of by Casey Hudson and a core team from KotOR. Its genesis was the intention to create an epic sci-fi RPG in an original setting that BioWare owned (so they could have full creative control), and in a setting that was conceived of first and foremost as a video game
Initially players could control any squadmate, but they wanted it to be about Shep and for players to be focused on Shep being a battlefield commander, rather than on switching bodies
By the start of 2004 its story was shaping up. Initially humans landed on Mars in 2250 and discovered evidence of an ancient alien race and a powerful substance, Black Sand, which rapidly advanced tech to the point that FTL travel was possible. (My note: obviously now the Prothean artifacts on Mars & associated mass effect force tech enabled this in the final canon, but I wonder if aspects of the ‘Black Sand’ naming-type & powerful substance stuff was rolled into red sand from final canon) Humans were suddenly capable of travel to multiple star systems and made contact with a multitude of other species. At the start of the first game, these species together with humans had a fragile peace, with focus placed on the political center of the galaxy, a hub known as Star City, later renamed the Citadel
Multiplayer was a vision for the series as far back as 2003. The plan was for ME1, an Xbox exclusive at launch, to take advantage of the platform’s online components. Early designs saw players meeting in one of the central hubs to interact and trade items in their otherwise SP adventures
By 2006 it had the name ME and the story was more specific, with the theme of conflict between organic and synthetic lifeforms. The story’s scope now stretched across 3 games and included scope for full co-op MP
They tried to do MP in every game, discussing it from the get-go, but it always just fell by the wayside. “When you’re trying to build something that is a new IP, on a new platform, with a new engine, you’ve got to really focus on the core elements of the game.”
The conversation system prototype was made in Jade Empire, and some of ME’s earliest writing was done in an old JE build. At first there was no conversation wheel. Paragon was “Friendly” and Renegade “Hostile”. In the prototype Shep was a silent unnamed Spectre. Many conversations in the prototype about the player’s choice in smuggling a weapon through Noveria made it into the game
In said prototype a merchant referred to themselves as “this one”, though the word hanar never appeared. The PC in it also had the option to end a conversation with “I should go”. In the prototype also, Harkin was voiced by Mark Meer
An early version of the Mako got used as the krogan truck in ME2
Early concepts of the Citadel were drawn in pencil by CH. A piece of concept art of its final design was painted based on a photo of a sculpture near Aswan, Egypt
As with any new IP naming it was a struggle. They put out a call to all staff for ideas, did polls, made a name generator that combined words that they liked in random ways and made pretend logos of ones they liked in Photoshop to see if they could make themselves love the name or find visual potential in it. (Some of these names are in the pic at the top of this post.) CH liked “Unearthed” as it was a reference to Prothean ruins dug up on Mars and humanity’s ascendance going away from Earth. They knew the game would have a central space station featuring prominently so some of the ideas were based on that - “The Citadel”, “The Optigon”, “The Oculon”. “Element” was another one they had in mind due to the rare substance in the game
CH: “I was a big fan of John Harris’ book Mass, which had epic-scaled sci-fi ideas, so that was a word that came up often. Many of the names came from the idea that the IP featured a fifth fundamental physical force (in addition to the known four of gravitational, electromagnetic, strong nuclear and weak nuclear) so the word ‘effect’ came up pretty often.” Ultimately none of the ideas really felt right. One Monday morning they were going over the names and Greg Zeschuk said he had an idea on the weekend: “Mass Effect!” CH: “I said, ‘I don’t hate it’, which in the naming process is a high compliment. And it stuck!”
CH on Shep’s Prothean vision from the beacon: “It was hard to imagine how we would do this. CG was - and is - really expensive. Instead I wanted to try doing it through photography and video editing. So I went to a local grocery store and bought a few packages of the weirdest looking meat that I could find. Then I set up a little photoshoot in my basement, complete with some electronics parts and some red wine for juicyness.” He used these props to create a video sequence where the photos were rapidly cycled and blurred, along with production paintings, to create the scary vision an organic/machine experiment on the Protheans. These mashups were also used as inspiration for concept artists and level designers who were working on these themes
Tali used to be called Talsi
On the licensing side they often joke that they’re licensing N7 not “Mass Effect” due to N7′s popularity
There was a confidential internal guide to the IP in 2007 to help devs along and summarize/synthesize the vision etc. Some excerpts from it are shown in the book and this is the first time the public have ever seen them
Early versions of Asari had hair
Asari were designed as a nod to classic TV sci-fi (with human actors wearing obvious makeup and prosthetics to play aliens)
The turian design guideline was “we want them to be birds of prey”. They also wanted a range of alien types, some close to human like Asari, while others were to be a lot further away, like turians
BioWare patented the conversation wheel, which was a first for them. CH had been frustrated with reviews of Jade Empire that said that the actioncentric game was too wordy [with its list dialogue]. “I’m like, story is words. [...] What is it about our games that is making people feel like they’re wordy?” Then he thought “In a game you kind of need to feel like you’re continuing to play it. Maybe you should continue feeling like you’re playing it actively into the dialogue.” “[The wheel] kind of gave a new experience with dialogue when you did start to react based on emotion, and that’s ultimately what we’re trying to bring out in our games”
The original krogan concept was based on a bat “with a really wide squidgy face. We just used its face on top of this weird body and it kinda worked”
Geth musculature was based on fiber-optic cables, with flexible plates of armor attached
The vision for the IP was 80s sci-fi inspired space opera
The concept art of Saren lifting Shep by the throat inspired a similar scene in-game. The staging wasn’t planned til designers saw that art
A squadmate with Shepard on the way to meet Ash in an old storyboard was called Carter. Early name of Kaidan or Jenkins?
Bono from U2 was kinda instrumental in bringing us ME lol
Finding the right cover art for ME1 was notably tricky
Matt Rhodes got his start drawing helmets for ME1, including one which would become Shep’s “second face”. He estimates he drew between 250-270 different ones
Some of the sounds in-game were people smashing watermelons with sledgehammers and sticking fists into various goos
The audio team had fun trying to slip the iconic main theme into unexpected places throughout the MET. “We were very aware of how powerful that track was for the fans and it was tempting to overuse it for any moment we wanted to make really emotional”.
The theme was creatively repurposed in ME3: slowed down and reworked as the ambient sound for the SR-2. “If you listen to it for a really long time, just stand in the Normandy and listen, you’ll actually hear the notes change slowly. It doesn’t sound like music, it sounds like a background ambiance, but it’s there.” (My note: Well no wonder the Normandy feels so much like home?? 😭 sneaky..)
Bug report: “Mako Tornado”. There wasn’t enough friction between the tires and the ground, causing testers to lose control of the vehicle and send it spinning into the air like a tornado. “As it turns, the front end comes up, and then it starts spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning faster and faster and faster until it just flies up in the sky” (My note: Sounds like a regular day in the Mako to me)
Cerberus originally had a bigger role in this game. It was cut but they had a whole explorable outpost. “I called it Misery,” says Mac Walters, “It was this planet with a little outpost that said ‘Welcome to Misery’”. Everything on the outpost was shit - dirty worn stuff, no windows, no kitchen, the vehicle bay was open to the elements etc
The Reaper sound is literal garbage. Some audio designers went on a recording trip to a national park. One of them got fixated on a garbage can, “a metal bear-proof receptacle with a heavy lid that creaked horribly when opened”. “It was like, ominous, spooky, tonal and almost musical. I decided to throw a mic into the garbage and record it moving. I didn’t know what it was going to be until later”
They were making lots of noises to record like throwing logs and rocks around. An old couple peered at them through the window of their camper van in the woods and must have called the cops because then the cops showed up, pulled them over and told them to stop. The cops towed their car (the driver’s plates were Cali plates and expired), drove them to Edmonton outskirts and then the audio producer Shauna got a call and had to go pick them up “like three little boys”. “We got a stern talking to”. Once back they were playing around with the garbage sound, editing it etc. Casey heard it and proclaimed “That’s the sound of the Reapers”
Preston Watamaniuk: “There are things I could have done to Mass 1 to make it an infinitely better game with better UIs” and some simple cuts and changes. “But when you’re living with it, it’s very hard to see those things”
BioWare Labs
As social media and smartphone games exploded, BioWare dedicated a small team dedicated to exploring opportunities here - BioWare Labs
Mass Effect: Galaxy used a unique graphic art style and static visual presentation common in visual novels. It has the distinction of being the only iOS game BW have made during their first 25 years
Scrapped ideas were a 3rd person space shooter called Mass Effect: Corsair and 2 DA titles - a strategy game and a top-down dungeon crawler starring young Wynne. (My note: Maybe the corsairs stuff was rolled into Jacob’s backstory in 2, the Alliance Corsairs)
Corsair was a very short-lived project that never got its feet under it. It was a spin-off on Nintendo DS featuring a behind-the-ship perspective and branching dialogue. At one point it had MP. The idea behind it was basically “ME: Freelancer” - fly your ship around, do missions, get credits. It had a limited branching story but was a gameplay-centered experience intended to fill the gap between ME1 and 2. That gap ended up being filled by Galaxy
Galaxy and Corsair’s smaller screen allowed concept artists to use bold colors and a simplistic character design style to help those games stand out from Shep’s story
Nick Thornborrow did some art for Corsair but was worried his art style didn’t fit ME. He moved to DA where he feels his art style fits better
Lots of BioWare VAs and even a lead writer and the VO director are drawn from Edmonton’s local community theater scene, which is vibrant. Think this is how Mark Meer got involved
Mass Effect 2
Player choices carrying over was a first for BW
Dirty Dozen-inspired plot
Its plot is a web of conditionals (see Suicide Mission)
Was more of a shooter than anything BW had made since Shattered Steel
There was 2 camps on the team, those who wanted to push combat and systems forward and redefine the ME experience and those who wanted to make a true sequel, with the same gameplay and systems but a new story. Karin Weekes: “I think it ended up being a good push-pull. It felt like a pretty healthy creative conflict”
“ME2 was a game you could hold up to someone who argues that games aren’t a serious medium and go ‘Oh yeah, then why is Martin Sheen in this?’” Sheen was their first pick for TIM
The idea for TIM came from a mash-up of concepts CH had collected over the years. The name “Illusive” originally came from his pitch for naming DAO’s Eclipse engine, a word inspired by Obi-Wan’s line “It’s not about the mission, Master. It’s something... elsewhere. Elusive”. “I thought, what if we called our next engine 'Elusive', but used an ‘I’, and then it’s like ‘Illusion’. [...] I still really like the word with an ‘I’ and what it conjures”
When ME1 DLC was in production, CH had been watching a lot of CNN, specifically Anderson Cooper. “How is one guy travelling to all these places and never looking tired and always being able to speak with clarity?” CH says it seemed almost superhuman. “What if there was someone who is the absolute maximum of the things you would aspire to be, but also the worst of humanity?” Cooper, though not evil, became an inspiration for TIM down to the gray hair and piercing blue eyes
Inspiration for TIM’s behind-the-scenes role pulling political strings came from Jack Bauer’s brother Graem in 24. Graem “can call up the president and tell him what to do and hang up, because he’s so connected and so influential”. Sheen had played a president and his performance brought gravitas and wisdom to the role. He had quit smoking, but the character smokes. He didn’t want to fake it, but he also didn’t want to smoke, “so he actually asked for a cigarette” to hold so he could stop his words to take drags with natural cadence
Writing was still pushing to write and revise lines hours before VO started. A series of problems like injury and some writers leaving for other opportunities left it so that Karin, Lukas Kristjanson and editor Cookie Everman hand to land the story safely, with PW helping where they could. Lukas: “We took over the writing bug and task list, and I can’t stress enough how much [Karin and Cookie] did to get ME2 out the door. There’s no part of that thing we didn’t touch”. Karin: “That was the most dramatic 2 weeks of my life”
Initial fan reaction when they started promo-ing ME2 was very negative because people didn’t want to know about new chars like Jack and Mordin. “[fans were like] ‘Get them out of here. We want our characters from the first game’. But then when they played them, those became some of the most popular chars [of the series]”
Concept art of Thane has an idea annotation saying “Face can shapeshift?”
At one point when designing Thane concept artists sent multiple variations of him to the team asking them to vote on which was the most attractive
Most of the Normandy crew was written by lead level designer Dusty Everman. Lukas gave him advice in the evenings between bugs
BioWare Montreal made ME2 and 3 cinematics
CC for Shep was based on tools used by char designers to create in-game chars. Under the hood similar tools existed to create aliens
Aliens were much easier to animate than humans. When something is human it’s very difficult to make it look realistic and you can see all the mistakes and everything
Over the holiday period in 2007 CH worked out a diagram on a single piece of paper that would define the entire scope and structure of the game. The diagram is included in the book
Bug report: “I shot a krogan so hard that his textures fell off”. At one point shotgun blast damage was applied to each of the pellets fired, and shot enemies ended up with just the default checkerboard Unreal texture on them after their textures got blown off
Blasto was meant to be 1 step above an Easter egg but his fan popularity prompted them to bring him back in ME3
They rewrote chunks of Jack 2 days before she went to VO. She was the only one they could change because all the other NPCs were recorded. They redesigned her mission by juggling locked NPC lines and changing Shep’s reactions by rewriting text paraphrases to change the context of the already-recorded VO
Lukas snuck obscure nods ito ME2′s distress calls. In the general distress call for the Hugo Gernsback, there’s BW’s initial’s and Edmonton’s phone number backwards. In a fault in a beacon protocol there’s the initials and backward phone number from Tommy Tutone’s “Jenny”. In 2 other general distress calls there’s initials and numbers from Glenn Miller Orchestra’s “Pennsylvania 6-5000″ and initials and numbers from Geddy Lee and Rush’s “2112″ respectively
Mass Effect 3
“The end of an era marks the beginning of another”
ME3 “marked the end of Shep’s story”
Saying bye to Shep was as difficult for devs as it was for players
JHale’s final VO session included Anderson’s death and romanced Garrus’ goodbye. “We were in the session and we both just started crying”, Caroline says. “I couldn’t come on the line to give her notes because I was crying, and she was crying. And so there was just this minute-long pause of like, nothing, nothing, nothing - just silence through the airwaves. And then I came on and just told her that I was crying and she said ‘I’m crying!’” They talked about these anecdotes also here on the N7 Day reunion panel
The Microsoft Kinect voice support required devs to teach Kinect hundreds of commands in a variety of accents across multiple languages. The result was useful but made for some awkward moments. Numerous players accidentally said “geth” or “quarian” while making a particular decision and accidentally killed Tali
MP chars were voiced by cops and military people
The helmet on one of the MP chars was originally designed for cancelled project Revolver
The payload device at the end needed to attach to the Citadel while essentially serving as a giant trigger. “It ended up becoming quite the engineering feet just to visualize how this thing would move and connect to the Citadel”
Concept artists explored creating an anti-team, where Kai Leng was almost an anti-Shepard essentially, with an elite squad to counteract your team. This idea never went beyond concept phase
ME3 Special Edition was released on Nintendo Wii U exclusively. This exclusive version of the game includes Genesis 2 (a sequel to the original Genesis comic) and unique gameplay features that took advantage of the touchscreen GamePad. For years Sonic Chronicles: Dark Brotherhood had had the honor of being BW’s only game made for a Nintendo console
FemShep regrettably didn’t feature in major ME marketing til ME3. Later releases like DAI, MEA and Anthem have taken increasing care not to gender their protagonists in cover art
To capture combat sounds they took a trip to CFB Wainwright, a military base southeast of Edmonton. They got a big tour of it and were allowed to record anything they could find. The tour ended with them getting to drive and shoot tanks (real shells). The force of doing that sent waves through Joel Green, he felt his whole chest compress when it went off; the perfect sound for the Black Widow! After the trip the soldiers let him keep the shell he fired and it’s been passed on like a torch to various devs since
Kakliosaurs began life as a joke in the writers’ room after John Dombrow placed a Grunt figure on a t-rex toy he had on his desk. Lore was brainstormed to justify the mash-up before someone asked, “Why don’t we put this in the game?” They loved it so much Karin had custom coffee mugs made
Bug report: For a while Tali’s final romance scene would fire when she was supposed to be dead
“Balancing combat: how designers in ME3 entered an ‘arms race’” - the solution to players feeling OP vs players feeling frustrated by really strong enemies is to find a good middle ground, but for designers Corey Gaspur and Brenon Holmes, it was war. Brenon designed enemies, Corey designed guns. Corey “was obsessed with bigger, heavier guns. We had this sort of informal competition where he’d make this crazy overturned gun that would just murder all the enemies, and then I tuned some stuff up to compensate”
Brenon had to invent new ways to “stop Corey” and this led to the Phantoms. Corey had in turn designed consumable rockets that could wipe out entire waves of enemies. He must’ve figured this would make short work of Brenon’s space ninjas, but Brenon had other plans: “I had just added the ability for her to cut rockets [when Corey was playing MP and he was watching]. She cut the rocket in half... Corey just turns and looks at me and is like: ‘Really dude? I just shot a rocket at this Phantom and she’s fine? Not even damaged? Zero damage?’”
This friendly rivalry helped elevate ME3′s gameplay. Corey had a knack for making a gun feel so good to fire it had his fellow designers scrambling to keep up. It was his version of balancing. Before Corey sadly passed away he mentored Boldwin Li in all things weapon design and the arms race continued
Corey designed the Arc Pistol. It was causing problems for enemies because it was too powerful. It seemed hell bent on staying that way, Boldwin would tune down all its stats and it was still doing 3x the damage it should have been doing. “I was like ‘What the hell?’, and then I looked closer. It secretly fired 3 bullets for every pull of the trigger! Corey, you sneaky jerk”
The day it launched there were midnight launch parties across North America including one near the BW building. Numerous devs sat at long tables greeting fans and signing autographs as the fans picked up preorders. When midnight struck the line was long enough that it took several hours for some fans to get their game. One particular fan is remembered: “It was 3am. Some guy drove up from Calgary with his friends. He was like one of the last people in line. I think he was sort of tired-drunk. He threw himself across the tables, pulled up his shirt and shouted ‘Guys, sign my abs!’ And like I did, because he waited so long. It felt impolite not to. So I hope he enjoyed his copy of ME3″
For designing Protheans concept artists had free reign to design something that read as ancient
Before the concept art team had the story of the game to work toward, they explored wild ideas of their own including an image of the crew stealing back the Normandy to go after the Reapers
Jen Cheverie was testing scenes and was initially excited to be testing Mordin scenes, til she saw she was testing the Renegade version of his death. “This is even before like all of the audio and everything was in, so you didn’t even have the sad music. I remember sitting at my desk and my hands just went to my face when I saw that the gun Shep pulls on Mordin is the gun he gives Shep in ME2. I burst into tears and was crying for the rest of the day. People are waving to me as they walk by and I’m like, ‘It’s ok, I’m just killing my best friend’”
There’s a segment called “Shepard’s story ends”. Casey on the ending: “There’s a whole bunch of things that come together to make it incredibly tense and emotional for players. I think the biggest one was the sense of finality, that whatever it was that happened in that very last moment... was it.”
Wrapping up the story was a massive feat. In a way all of ME3 is an ending. Its final moments were the players’ last with a char they’d been with all the way from Eden Prime
“And while the critical reception of the game was extremely positive, many fans were unsatisfied with the ending, which became one of the most controversial in the history of games.” CH: “We were, on one hand, at the end of a marathon trying to finish the game and the series. But as devs we also knew that there would be more. We knew that we would continue to tell the story. In retrospect, we didn’t fully appreciate the tremendous sense of finality that it would have for people”. He envisioned an ending that posed new questions, something in the tradition of high sci-fi that left players dreaming about what that particular galaxy’s future could hold. “Frankly, there’s a lot more that we could have and should have done to honor the work players put in, to give them a stronger sense of reward and closure”
AAA games are massive undertakings with a million moving parts. Somehow they come together but even the best-planned projects don’t turn out quite like devs hope. From start to end video game production is a series of compromises. It’s rare if not impossible for devs to ship a game they’re entirely happy with. “I think that people imagine that when you finish a game, it’s exactly the way you wanted it to be. But whether people end up loving or hating the final result, we work hard to finish it the best we can, knowing that there’s a lot we would have wanted to do better. I think that’s true of any creative work”
As the dust settled after the initial reaction to the ending and later its epilogue, meant to show the wide-reaching ripple effects of Shep’s final choice, “players emerged mostly asking for one thing”. CH: “Now, most of what we hear, after both ME3 and MEA, is ‘Hey, just go make more Mass Effect’. And that to me is the most important thing. Knowing that players want to return to the ME universe is what inspires us to press on and imagine what comes next”
Mass Effect: Andromeda
By creating a new ME in a new galaxy the team was challenged to put their own visual stamp on the game while keeping it true to the franchise
Being the first ME game on a new gen of consoles meant for more detail
“Massive transport ships called arks populated with salarians, turians, humans, asari and quarians” made the risky jump to the Cluster
MEA was the first time BW had truly codeveloped across 3 studios: Edmonton, Montreal and Austin. The bulk of the work especially early on was done in Montreal, which was composed of a handful of Edmonton expats and heaps of experienced devs who joined from elsewhere specifically to bring a new ME experience to life. Series vets in Edmonton then came on to contribute writing, cinematics, design and QA, along with leadership from creative director Mac Walters and the core Production team. Austin writers and level designers also joined the fray
“It took a new team to take ME beyond the Milky Way”
Mac: “A lot of people in Montreal joined BW as fans of the franchise, so they just had this passion, and it felt like it was more like the days of Jade Empire, where a smaller younger team gets to do something for the first time. Even though it wasn’t necessarily a new IP for me, it felt fresh and new because of that. The team was just super excited to be working on it”
Early plans had the player exploring hundreds of worlds, procedurally generated, allowing for a nearly infinite variety of experiences. But as development wore on, it became clear that the game narrative required more specific, hand-touched level design on each world to keep the story focused and the experience engaging. “The plan was to give players numerous uncharted worlds to explore. Designers worked hard to come up with procedural elements that would make such planets special. Eventually the team made the difficult decision to abandon procedural planets in favor of more memorable hand-touched alien worlds, each with a specific story to tell”
One challenge was defining what ME meant without Shep. Care was given to include many of the MET’s key species. “Ryder recruited turian, asari, krogan and salarian followers”. Like Shep Ryder represents humanity’s hope for a peaceful coexistence among aliens who had long operated without human contact
Beginning with MEA the team decided that with few exceptions vehicles in ME have 6 wheels. Early Nomad concepts were bulkier. Later ones focused on its ability to move over its ability to protect itself from hostile fire, underlining the themes of exploration
German concept designer and auto-motive futurist Daniel Simon was contracted to create the Nomad and Tempest. The Tempest’s final design took inspo from the Concorde
Concepts for angaran fighter ships have the following notes: “Two doors swing open, wings rotate down to function as landing struts, the landing struts split open. It has a spinning turbine engine
Despite being set a galaxy away and some 600 years after Mordin’s death, there was a time when he had a cameo. It wasn’t cut due to running out of time however, it was cut due to drug references. John Dombrow explains: “One day I had to write a small quest for Kadara. I thought it’d be amusing if these 2 guys living way out on the fringes in a shack were growing plants for uh, medicinal purposes, and needed Ryder’s help with it. It occurred to me, wouldn’t it be amusing if Ryder had the option of actually trying ‘the medicine’ to see what would happen? And I thought, what if it turned into some hallucination that somehow involved SAM - like maybe SAM would sing? But why? How could I motivate that? Then it hit me. Who else in the ME game sings unexpectedly? MORDIN. As a nod to him I wrote SAM singing Modern Major-General. It got even better when our cine designer John Ebenger wanted to take it even further. Bless him, he came in on a Saturday to do a special hallucination showing Mordin himself. It was great. Til the fateful day we were told MEA had already been submitted to the ratings board. That’s when you declare things like drug references in your game. Mordin fell under that category which meant it was a no-go. We were too late”
Ryder’s white AI armor contrasts Shep’s iconic dark armor (intentional design)
Concept art for Ryder involved experiments with cloth (cloaks, ponchos, capes - “Pull here to release cloak”) and asymmetrical design elements
For alien design, there’s a few exceptions but humanoid figures are the ME standard and this persisted into MEA
Kett and angara concepts explored striking lines and textures
– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development
#mass effect#mass effect: andromeda#bioware#video games#jade empire#Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development#Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development spoilers#Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development spoiler#spoilers#spoiler#lul#dragon age#garrus vakarian#best boy#feels#anthem#long post#longpost#drugs for ts#drugs mention#drugs cw
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Virtue & Valor [3]: Steve x Reader
Series Masterlist
You and your husband have the perfect life. Jobs that you love, a happy marriage, an amazing sex life… You couldn’t ask for anything more. But when something unexpected shows up on your front doorstep that completely turns your world upside down, can your relationship survive the fallout? Or will you have to let your feelings go in favor of the greater good? Letting go of the past can be difficult, especially when the future looks so bleak, but maybe you can figure out how to move forward together. You may just make it out to see the other side.
Word Count: 4334
Warnings: Canon typical violence, strong language, Hydra fuckery,
“20 minutes from the drop site.”
You look up from the tablet with the mission file that you’d been reading as you stand at the back of the jet. The other agents start to move, grabbing their gear, tucking various weapons into different straps and harnesses across their bodies.
“How does it feel to be back out of the ice, Cap,” one of the agents asks, a twisted smile on his lips as he slaps a hand to the Captain’s shoulder. “You’d been in there quite a while. What was it like? Did you ever dream while you were in there or is it just completely blank in there the whole time?” he taps a finger to the Captain's temple.
“Do you ever shut up, Rumlow?” you question in annoyance. The Captain doesn’t respond to the questions, just continues to look forward as if he hasn’t heard anything.
Rumlow turns his gaze to you, that ever-present smirk still on his mouth as he scoffs. “How’s it going with the Misses, over there?” he asks the Captain with a jerk of his thumb in your direction. “I certainly wouldn’t mind having a handler as hot as that one. I bet she takes real good care of you, doesn’t she?”
You roll your eyes at his childish antics. “Come, Soldat. It’s time to gear up.”
“Mommy’s calling,” Rumlow teases, slipping his hand off the Captain’s shoulder.
The Captain moves fluidly, like a shadow in the night, as he steps over to you to grab his gear. His black tactical uniform allows him to blend in with the other agents. There’s just one obvious difference between his uniform and theirs. The blood-red logo on the center of his chest grabs your attention. The black, soulless eyes of the skull look back at you in the same way the Captain’s eyes do. Tentacles curl out from underneath the skull, like writhing snakes.
“Ya gotov otvechat,” the Captain tells you, his voice cracked and hollow, as he stands at attention. Ready to comply.
You feel empty inside as your response tumbles passed your lips. “Hail Hydra.”
You wake with a start to the sound of a knock on your bedroom door. You sit up a little blearily and wipe at your eyes. “Come in,” you respond, briefly wondering why Steve would knock on his own bedroom door.
However, Steve isn’t the one that steps into the room. It’s the redhead. Natasha.
You swing your feet over the side of the bed and stand up, eyeing her warily.
She raises her hands up as a sign of coming in peace. “We’re not here to hurt you,” she tells you. “We only want to help.”
“Help?” you repeat with a scoff. “You think that telling me my marriage is a lie is going to help?”
“Hydra is keeping you complicit by feeding you a fantasy. Only the truth can set you free. You have to trust me on this,” she urges.
“Well, I don’t trust you.”
“You did once before.” She crosses her arms over her chest and stands her ground. “You and I have known each other for a long time.” You slowly walk around the bed, taking your place in front of her and mimic her pose. “We trained together when I first got to SHIELD.”
“I’ve never worked for any SHIELD. I’m just a PE teacher,” you insist.
She raises a brow as the corner of her mouth tilts. “I’ve never heard of any PE teachers that teach Mixed Martial Arts to a bunch of teenagers.”
You frown, wondering what else Steve has told these people.
“Hydra built you the picture-perfect life. Mixing just enough of your base personality with new memories and a happily-ever-after storyline to keep you from questioning your reality. You know that this isn’t right. You know that the picture is photoshopped. You just have to be willing to accept it.”
You don’t give her a response, so she keeps going.
“Sam and I are only guests here. We can’t navigate this world the way you and Steve potentially can, but you have to be willing to take back your control. If Hydra has been able to do all of this to your mind, imagine what they’re doing to your body! The longer it takes for you to wake up the more powerful their grasp on you becomes.”
“Enough!” you shout. You dart forward, not even thinking about what you’re doing. Grabbing her by the side of the neck and shoulder, you slam her face-first onto the mattress. Before she can react, your hand dives underneath her shirt, grasping the handle of the gun that’s tucked into the back of her jeans. You then jump back, holding the gun with deadly accuracy at her head.
She raises her hands in surrender as she slowly straightens back up, now eyeing you warily.
Your breathing comes out in heavy puffs, but your hands remain steady as adrenaline surges through you. It takes a couple more seconds before your mind finally catches up with your actions. You take a stumbling step back, arms lowering slightly. “How- How did I know you had this gun on you? How did I even do that?”
“Because we’ve been training together for years,” she tells you calmly. “Because you’re an Avenger.”
“I’m not!” you argue, but your voice waivers. “I’m just me! I’ve never even held a gun before!”
“Then why does it feel so familiar?”
Your breath catches at her words. Because she’s right. It does feel familiar. And that terrifies you. Your hands tremble before you drop them completely. Your thumb moves on its own to click the safety back into place as if you’ve done it a thousand times.
“Val…” Natasha calls hesitantly.
“Get out,” you whisper brokenly.
“We only want to help-” she tries one more time.
“GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!” you scream, flying into a rage so intense that your vision turns red.
“Okay,” Natasha responds softly, keeping her hands raised. She moves slowly so as not to startle you, even though you keep the gun lowered at your side. She backs out of the room and soon she’s out of your sight.
You choke on your next breath, the rage draining out of you and leaving behind an empty sort of ache. Your hold loosens on the gun and it falls with a dull thud to the carpet at your feet. “Oh my God…” you gasp out before covering your mouth. You feel like you’re going to be sick. Your body is shaking by the time the first sob forces its way out of your throat.
“Hey,” you hear his soft voice moments before Steve’s arms wrap around you and pull you into his warm embrace.
You allow yourself to completely breakdown against him, the tears falling from your closed eyes and soaking into his shirt. He gently rocks you back and forth, running his hands soothingly over your back. You feel like your whole world has just cracked and it’s mere seconds away from completely shattering. You’re barely holding on by a thread.
You must cry until you’ve completely exhausted yourself because you don’t remember when the crying stopped, but you’re now waking up to the morning sunlight filtering in through the curtains. It takes a few blinks before you realize that something’s not right. Normally Steve would have woken you up by now.
You turn to look over your shoulder, but there’s an obvious lack of another body on the bed. In fact, both his pillow and the extra blanket that’s normally folded over the foot of the bed are missing, too. You frown, feeling that sense of dread pooling deep in your gut. Pushing yourself out from the warmth and general safety of the covers, you look for the strength needed to try to face whatever comes at you today.
You find yourself curling your arms over your stomach as you make your way down the hall as a means of self-comfort and protection. When you surpass the kitchen and head straight for the living room, you find Steve exactly where you expected. He’s standing in front of the couch, folding up the blanket from your bed.
“Why did you sleep out here?” you ask in a hushed voice as if talking any louder will ignite the tension that seems to weigh over you and will cause it to explode.
Steve keeps his gaze focused on his task, not even giving you a glance. “Had a lot on my mind. Didn’t want to keep you awake.”
You feel like a frayed piece of cloth that’s coming apart at the seams. Pulling on the thread just makes it unravel even more, but you can’t seem to stop it. “Steve, please tell me you don’t actually believe anything those people said yesterday,” you beg.
He releases a long sigh, setting the blanket down on top of his pillow. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.” He finally lifts his gaze and meets yours.
You don’t like what you see. The seed of doubt has been planted inside of him and it’s had all night to grow. The uncertainty in his eyes cuts you to pieces like a thousand tiny daggers.
“Believe in us,” you tell him, your voice wavering emotionally. “Believe in the vows we took for each other.”
“And what if we didn’t really take them?” he cuts in.
Your lips tremble as you desperately fight for composure. “Wouldn’t you rather be happy if you were given the option?” you ask him the same question he asked you just yesterday.
His eyes turn sad and it makes your heart crack. “Not if the happiness is a lie.”
“Steve…” The crack in your heart splinters before it completely shatters.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, dropping his gaze once more. As if the words will be enough to fix what’s just broken.
You want this to be a dream. Some sort of twisted nightmare. You want to wake up back in bed and back in his arms. To feel his sleepy morning kisses against your lips and his feather-light touch over your skin. You don’t want this. Whatever this is.
Before you can decide what you want to say next, there’s another knock on the front door. Steve must read the panic on your face as he moves to answer it. “It’s not them,” he tells you.
Your brow furrows as you wonder how he could possibly know that. You follow him to the hall, but hang back as he pulls open the door.
“Package for Steve Rogers,” says the delivery carrier on the other side of the door.
“That’s me,” Steve confirms taking the package from the man. He tucks it under his arm, giving a gentle thanks to the delivery man before closing the door.
“What is it?” you find yourself asking. It’s a relatively large, but flat box. Almost like a pizza box, but bigger.
Steve moves passed you toward the kitchen. “Natasha said they’d send something that could help restore our lost memories. Some type of data package.”
“A data package…” you repeat doubtfully. “That showed up as a box from a delivery guy… because we live in a computer…” You’re hoping the words sound as ridiculous to him as they do to you.
“Won’t know until we open it,” he shrugs, disregarding your tone. He sets the box down on the kitchen table and grabs a pair of scissors. He slices through the tape and lifts the top lid of the box.
You’re not entirely sure what you were expecting but it’s certainly not whatever you were looking at. “What is that?”
“It’s a shield,” Steve tells you, looking over the large circular disc. “Captain America’s shield.”
“How is that a data package?” you question. Every little thing seems to only raise more questions than answers.
“I’m not sure…” Steve takes a second to look it over before reaching forward to run his fingers over the white star in the center. He inhales sharply, his spine straightening as his eyes glaze over.
“Steve?” You call out, startled by the sudden change in him. You’re not sure if you should be doing something, but before you can take any sort of action, Steve rips his hand off the shield and stumbles back a few steps. “Are you okay?” you place your hand on his arm to help stabilize him.
He jolts away from your touch as if it burns. “I’m fine,” he gives a curt response in a tone you don’t recognize. “I remember the truth. I remember who we really are.”
When he finally meets your gaze, it’s not your husband that looks back at you. In fact, if his features weren’t so familiar to you, you’d think you were looking at a complete stranger. Gone is the soft, gentle, and sweet art teacher. In his place stands someone who’s hard, disciplined, and stoic.
“Steve…” you choke on his name, shaking your head. “Don’t. Please don’t do this.”
“It’s time to wake up, Val. Everything around us has been created and molded by Hydra. We can’t stay here any longer, but I can’t get you out of here until you fully understand what we’re up against.”
“No,” you deny. “That’s not possible! This isn’t a fake world! This is our home! This is our life!”
“Enough!” Steve insists, quickly growing annoyed with your denial. “None of this is real! You’re not my wife!”
You rear back as if he’d just slapped you.
Seeing the look on your face, Steve makes an attempt to soften his features. “Look, everything will make more sense after you touch the shield.”
“No!” you protest, taking several steps back and cross your arms over your chest as if you expect him to come at you and force you to touch it. “No, if this is what it’s done to you… then I don’t want that.”
“You can’t stay here forever!”
“Why not?!” You argue. “We were happy! Why can’t you just be happy with the way things were?”
“Because it was an illusion! A trick to keep us distracted from what’s really happening here.”
“Nothing is happening here, Steve! Except for you deciding to throw away our marriage because of two complete strangers that showed up at our doorstep!”
“They’re not strangers! And you would know that if you would just touch the God damn shield!”
The tension between you both has gone from a flickering flame to a full-on raging inferno. You can’t remember the last time the two of you have had such an explosive argument and that thought only seems to piss you off even more. You hate that any little blank space within your memory only seems to tip the scales of truth further toward Steve’s perspective.
“I won’t! I won’t touch it and I won’t give up on us!”
“Aren’t you listening?! There is no us! Not in the way that you think. Only in the way that Hydra made you believe. Everything we had was based on a lie. It’s nothing but a pretty piece of artwork created by someone as a means to keep us trapped here. There was no wedding, no honeymoon, no marriage. You can’t give up on something that was never there.”
“Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you feel absolutely nothing for me?” you challenge him. “Look me in the eye and tell me that because you now remember the so-called ‘truth’, all the nights we’ve spent wrapped in each other’s arms, every stolen kiss between class periods, every moment you were fucking inside me… is now completely meaningless to you. Tell me that none of that matters.”
“Val…” he winces like he’s in physical pain, some of the fight deflating out of him.
“Tell me, Steve,” you urge through clenched teeth. “Tell me I don’t matter.”
“You,” he starts before his voice falters. His jaw ticks as he tries to keep himself composed. “You are my responsibility. I got us into this mess and I’ll find a way to get us out. But I need you to be stronger than this. You’re an Avenger, so start acting like one.”
He squares his shoulders and moves to grab his wallet and keys from the bowl on the counter. His actions throw you for a loop as you stare after him when he makes his way toward the garage door. “Where are you going?” you ask in disbelief that he’s just walking out on this conversation.
He opens the door and glances briefly at you over his shoulder. “I need to clear my head.” The door closes behind him with a resounding slam. You next hear the mechanical whirring of the garage door opening moments before the rumbling purr of Steve’s motorcycle starts up. Soon he has become no more than a sound fading into the distance as he takes off and leaves you behind.
You can’t believe that he just left. The shock is slowly eaten away by the fire of rage within you. It bubbles and pops like molten lava as it feeds and grows on the frustration and pain that are also tumbling inside you. It builds and mixes into a volatile cocktail until you feel like you’re about to burst at the seams. Unable to keep these feelings inside you any longer, you erupt in a sharp scream of rage and swipe the box off the kitchen table.
The shield separates from the cardboard mid-air and clatters to the floor with a metallic twang. The sound, though not particularly loud, seems to slice straight through you. It’s a unique sound but is also somehow familiar to you. It seems to ring in your ears and bounce around your head.
You release a pitiful whine as you raise your hands to your ears in a vain attempt to make the sound stop before you crumble to your knees on the kitchen floor. The more you try to resist, the more your head begins to ache. “No…” you squeeze your eyes tight and shake your head, willing the sound to leave you alone. “Stop,” you beg. “I don’t want this.”
You envision brief glimpses of the shield flying through the air before it collides with various objects and releases that same twang. The shield is so clear in your mind, but everything else from the memories seems to be just out of reach. You can’t let go of the deeply seeded feeling that these truly are memories, though. Your memories.
Your eyes snap open as you release a startled gasp. Your eyes land once more on the shield where it rests just a few paces away from you. You’re not sure how much time passes as you sit on the kitchen floor just staring at it in a battle of wills. You almost feel like you’re getting drawn in by it. Compelled to just reach out and touch it, despite how much you really don’t want to.
Like following a whisper in the back of your mind, you find yourself inching closer. You’re not even sure if you’ve blinked the entire time as you come to a stop with your hand stretched over the shield. You pause and find yourself hesitating. You know that there’s no going back once you’ve touched it. You can continue to stay in this blissful ignorance, but without Steve, there’s nothing left for you here.
At least after you’ve touched it you know that you’ll get to go where ever he’s going. Maybe you can do something to salvage what’s left of your tattered relationship.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper quietly, though you’re not entirely sure who it’s meant for. Be it, your broken heart, or maybe just as a goodbye to the life that you thought you could have here.
You close your eyes, allowing a single tear to slide down your cheek before you press your hand down onto the cold metal.
Images flash in lightning speed across your closed eyelids. You thought it might play out in your mind like a movie on fast forward, but it doesn’t. It’s more like small snippets here and there in no particular order. You see Steve in his Captain America suit, jumping out of the back of a plane. You see Natasha in an all-black stealth suit taking down enemies in combat with swift elegance. You see Sam flying above you with a pair of metal wings. There’s a man walking out of a red and gold robotic suit of armor. Tony. A flash of lightning followed by a flying hammer and a man in a red cape. Thor.
Bit by bit the snippets begin to come together, forming your life story. You remember the fall of SHIELD shortly followed by your recruitment to the Avengers. You remember training with the team and going on missions. Fighting side by side with every single one of them.
You remember the mission briefing with Steve the day before the two of you left the compound. You remember the fear that shot through your veins when the Quinjet took its first hit. And the pain that exploded throughout your whole body when it crashed.
Your hand rips off the shield. You take a few heavy breaths, your eyes opening once more as the memories settle in place within your mind. You give yourself another moment to let your heart rate slow before you pick yourself up off the floor. You scoop up the shield as well and let it rest against the wall.
You release a soft groan, and rub your forehead. You decide that a hot shower might be a good way to calm your reeling mind and help you plan your next steps. Your head feels extremely full now that your original memories are back, but the planted ones are still in there, as well. It’s strange how the planted ones feel no different from the real memories. It's like having two completely separate lives and memories jammed into one brain. You almost feel like there’s not enough space to store it all.
While you’re in the middle of lathering shampoo into your hair, you come to the realization that besides the planted memories, you can’t recall anything else after the plane crash. You don’t remember getting rescued or retrieved from the crash. You don’t remember any sort of Hydra facility. You certainly don’t recall any sort of mental download into this world. Your ‘real-life’ memories go directly from the moment of the crash to touching the shield.
Now that you’re a little more aware of what a memory alteration might feel like, you can’t help but notice that there seems to be a few blanks left. Something that’s still getting blocked somehow. You’re not sure what to make of that.
You finish up your shower and throw on some clothes. Steve hasn’t returned yet, so you head back for the kitchen to start on breakfast. It feels strange to go through your normal morning routine, knowing that everything is fake. Do you even need to eat in this world? However, the only other option is to basically sit and wait for him to come back, and you’re far too jittery for that, so cooking food is the best way to keep yourself moving.
The menial task and thoughts of Steve has your mind wandering a little as you try to grapple with the return of your memories and how that changes the way you feel about him. Or more accurately, how it doesn’t seem to change your feelings at all. It’s true that you hadn’t been in any sort of relationship prior to leaving for the mission, but thinking about going back to a strictly platonic and professional relationship makes you ache. When you try to separate memory from feeling, it still feels like you’re in love with him. It makes you wonder if maybe he’ll feel the same.
Time seems to drag as you wait for Steve’s return. You make your breakfast, eat the food, and then clean up the dishes. You dispose of the cardboard box that the shield arrived in, and then straighten up the rest of the kitchen. You begin to feel like you should be doing something more than your normal routine. Maybe figure out how to help Steve find a way out. But you don’t even know where to begin. You now wish that you had stuck around a little longer when Nat and Sam had been here. You don’t really know the first thing of what’s really going on here.
You’re a little worried that any sort of deviation from what’s normal might tip off Hydra to the change that has occurred to you and Steve. There’s no way to know what kind of level of monitoring they could have here. What if they already know? What if they’ve been watching you this whole time?
The paranoia doesn’t exactly help matters at all, so you attempt to push it aside and continue to wait for Steve. You hope that he may have more answers. You’re in the middle of folding laundry in the bedroom to keep yourself distracted when you hear the rumble of Steve’s motorcycle returning to the house.
Setting down the t-shirt, you move back to the kitchen. When he steps through the door, he meets your gaze first before looking toward the table. His brows furrow when he notes that the shield is missing before he spots it leaning against the wall. He turns his gaze back to you, giving you a curious look.
You try to keep your expression neutral, wanting to try to get a read on him before you decide to bring up anything about your relationship. You understand that there are more important things at stake. You have to be willing to put your heart on hold for now. “So, what’s the plan, Cap?” you ask him directly.
Part 4
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#showyourprocess
From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!
To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.
RULES: When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!
I was tagged by @wendashanren to show my process for two of my minimalist posters, thanks for the tag! (also I cannot believe how organised you are, all my ideas are scribbled in my notes app at speed before I forget them, and then I take ages to find what I'm looking for).
For the people I’m tagging please don’t feel any pressure (especially if you’ve already been tagged), but if you have time I’d love to see the process for:
This WOH post by @gusucloud because I’m honestly in awe of the layers, especially the first picture with the fan
This lovely art of Wei Wuxian by @risoria because his face is amazing and the colours are so unusual but look so good
This gifset by @mylastbraincql - the text effect looks so cool, and all the gifs are so crisp I want to know how you did it
This TGCF post by @lan-xichens because the colouring is stunning
And this post by @leonzhng because the amount of layers are amazing and it must have taken so long to make
sorry if you’ve already been asked to do any of these!
Process beneath the cut
Ok, so in some ways my minimalist posters are much easier to make than something involving pictures, where you have to locate good screencaps, remove backgrounds, smooth edges of pngs, correct the usually dreadful colour and brightness etc before you can even begin making something.
The first minimalist poster I made was the Sunshot Campaign trio. I don't really know what made me do it, the general idea just popped into my head to show a narrative through images only, and then I worked out shapes etc later. The subsequent posters have been framed from those original three.
The Yi City poster took the longest of all the minimalist posters because I struggled to decide how to represent the characters in it.
I tried out a lot of different things for the main three figures, but what I knew was that I wanted a cross for szc, a dash for xxc, and something to represent blood for xy.
I also liked the idea of the three characters literally standing in the shadow of the gate, and so gave them what cold be shadows, but could also be robes for the body depending on how you interpret it.
In the end I went with the most simplified version - my only regret about that is that I lost the black/white sharing for szc and xxc, and therefore the sort of noughts and crosses idea I was going for.
^ Here are all the layers of different types of figure representation I tried - you can see how many different iterations it took to to become something so simple (each folder has at least two or three versions of that particular style). It took me so long to decide how to represent the three figures, so I'm actually really glad to be able to show people some of the earlier versions.
Most of the shapes I make using the lasso or pen tool. For the cross, dash, and tear/blood I used one of the brushes which comes with photoshop because I have never worked out how to get fancy new ones. The gate I sourced from a free png because I couldn't be bothered making something so ornate, and then I added "Yi City" on it.
I then had to decide how to represent A-Qing, and thought a white, bloodstained bird worked well for how we first see her in the series. The red went on her wings to represent them being clipped (removing her sight and ability to speak) - it also echoes the red of xy, who is the one who killed her.
For the Qiongqi path poster I knew I wanted a blue umbrella and thought a circle might represent it best, and then added the rain. I made the middle line bigger for no reason at all, I just liked the look of it. The umbrella made me think of Kandinsky paintings, which are all very minimalist with shapes and lines, so I added the two lines at the side in white (copied from the middle line of the umbrella). This immediately made me think of LWJ and WWX walking the main path together. WWX's line starts higher, because he's the main character and we are introduced to him first in the narrative. I also left it at the same height as the vertical line in the umbrella, which then echoes a) the downward motion of the umbrella as it is dropped to the ground (an action which is caused by wwx) and b) the literal falling of lwj for wwx ( if that makes sense).
I then struggled for ages over how to represent the Wens and WWX leaving. I was going to try and make silhouettes of them at the bottom on the horses, but nothing looked good - so I went with another line, this time in red, then connected it with his white line. The first wave is the beginning of his demonic cultivation (going by the book, rather than the drama), i.e. leaving the straight orthodox path. You can see that the white line could still turn around here and return back to its original trajectory. The break between the white and red lines which represent wwx is him falling into the burial mounds. The subsequent wave is the upheaval of the sunshot campaign and aftermath, but also can be interpreted a bit like those heartbeat machines in hospitals. The line going straight is when he takes the Wens - a path he cannot return from. His trajectory is now set.
If you've read all of this well done, it's super long, so I will give you an edits tip which helped me with these as a reward for making it this far:
If you're ever unhappy with something you've made, take stuff away, don't add it.
As can be seen with the minimalist posters, every time I wasn't sure something worked, I made it more simple and ultimately it looked a lot better for it.
#showyourprocess#@qinghe-s i have seen your tag and will do that next!#honestly no joke apart from working out the red line the qiongqi path one literally took me like 5 minutes#i feel like there wasn't a huge process because i was just like oooh lines/metaphors/rain
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