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violentdelightsandviolentends · 1 year

Text

Lessons in Love.

Bucky didn't believe in love at first sight. Then he met you.

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warnings - None

Word Count - 3615

Author's Note - hello gorgeous people, hope you're all doing well. writing this has made my heart so full, and I hope it makes you feel the same. requests are always open and more than encouraged!! currently working on a stunning jake seresin request that's just so lovely. i'm SO open to more jake requests, but also any marvel, top gun maverick, criminal minds, narcos and any others you have in mind!! just send them over, and I'll see what I can do. as always, so much love x

Masterlist. Requests.

“No way. How is that even possible?”

You look at the bewildered man in front of you and can’t help but smile.

“It’ll play anything you want it to. Anything in the world. Just ask it!” you encourage, beaming grin still plastered on your face.

“Alexa,” he says tentatively, “play Marvin Gaye.”

The first notes of Trouble Man begin to sound through your apartment, and his eyes light up. He’s looking at you like you’ve discovered something completely revolutionary.

You laugh – a real, genuine, delighted sound that flows through Bucky like a beam of light, illuminates his bones, makes his heart beat that little bit faster.

Grabbing your notebook, you delicately place a check next to Number 26 – voice-controlled devices. Number 27 is air fryers. Number 28 is Bluetooth. Number 29 is kindles and e-readers. Number 30 is Doordash. You’ve already checked off Spotify, and ATMs, and Google, and online banking, amongst many others. A list of things to better integrate Bucky into the 21st Century. A list of things to make him feel less like a man out of time. A list of things that allow you to spend all the time with him that you can.

A warm hand on your left hip and a cold one on your right pull you back into reality.

“Dance with me.” he murmurs. “Let me teach you something, for once.”

Before you can process his words, he’s gliding across the kitchen with you in his arms. Trouble Man isn’t playing anymore, instead replaced with something slower, richer. Bucky hasn’t taken his eyes off you, not even for a second. He’s watching your every move, every expression, every twitch of your lips. Reading you like a book.

You bring your hands to rest around his neck, and he relaxes into you. He’s leading, swaying you gently, occasionally twirling you like a ballerina in a music box. Perfectly effortless. He’s good at this.

The sun is setting, casting a warm orange hue across the kitchen. The light is reflecting onto your hair, making you glow, giving you a halo. Angelic, he thinks. My guardian angel.

You close the space between your bodies, wrapping your arms around his middle. Resting your head on his chest, he prays you can’t hear how his heart is working overtime. You shut your eyes, and breathe him in. He smells faintly like the Bakery, like sugar and coffee and cinnamon. The place that started it all.

　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵

When Bucky first moved into his apartment, he’d noticed the Bakery down the street immediately. The smell of cake and coffee drifted out of the lilac colored door, enticing him in. He resisted the urge, and told himself that he’d go inside tomorrow.

The next day, he stood outside of the red brick building, and read the menu on the noticeboard carefully. Then he reread it. And then read it again. Since when was coffee so complicated? And don’t even get him started on cake. He swore there was only a few types back in the forties. Now, there was at least fifty different kinds on this menu alone. He was overwhelmed. He thought he’d be able to walk into this Bakery, get some coffee, maybe something sweet, and leave content. Instead, he's stood on the sidewalk on the verge of a panic attack. Tomorrow, he thinks to himself. I’ll go in tomorrow.

Tomorrow never comes. Every day, he takes a walk, and purposely passes the building that he longs to go into. But somehow, he can never find the courage. He knows he’ll just look like an idiot if he walks in. He’ll look lost, and out of place, and everyone will laugh and mutter. Look, they’ll jeer, The Winter Soldier can’t even order a coffee.

And so, he spares himself the pain. Lets his feet carry him past, only slowing down slightly when he passes the lilac door. Every day for three months, he takes the same route. Willing himself to go in, to find the courage. It’s just coffee, he tells himself. Get a grip.

Until, one day, you decided to change his life, unknowingly. Or maybe knowingly. He’s still not sure.

He takes his usual path, and just as he gets to the lilac door – you’re there. Stood, waiting, soft smile on your face. Bucky panics, and wills his feet to move faster, to take him away from this inevitably awkward situation. You stop him before he can make a run for it.

“Hi.”

Oh. You’re talking to him. You’re staring into his soul with no judgment, or fear, or trepidation. You’re staring into his soul with gentleness. Kindness. Friendship. He’s terrified.

“Uh – hi.” He rubs the back of his neck. Nervous habit.

“So, uh, I hope this isn’t weird, or anything. But, I’ve been watching you walk past every day for like three months, and, well…” you trail off. Now you look nervous. “Actually, I haven’t really thought this far ahead. I just see you, and I wanted to… invite you in, I guess? Not that you need an invite, of course not, we’re open to everyone, but… you always look like you’re going to come in, and then you never do. And I’ve been telling myself for months that I should properly invite you in, but now I’m realising this is, uh, really weird. And I’m sorry.”

You still have that gentle smile on your face, but it’s more tentative now. A dusting of pink is making its way onto your cheeks, and Bucky thinks it might be his new favourite color.

It’s now that he really starts to take you in. Your hair is blowing slightly in the breeze, and the sleeves of your sweater are pulled down over your wrists, to try and keep the New York chill at bay. You have bright, inquisitive eyes – eyes that contain hope, love, laughter. You make him feel almost peaceful. No one makes him feel like that. Damn.

You’ve stepped closer to him now, to get out of the way of the customers making their way through the door. You smell like sugar, and coffee, and optimism. He wants to breathe you in, let you settle in his lungs. A comfortable warmth spreads through his chest.

He decides to take a gamble and bear his truth to you. He’s not sure why, but he trusts you. He doesn’t trust anyone, these days. But he trusts you.

“Can I be honest with you?”, he asks, looking at you expectantly. You’re almost expecting him to laugh in your face at the absurdity of it all. You nod anyway, signalling for him to continue.

“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to come in. But every time I try, I just, uh-” he stutters, and you can tell that his mind is screaming at him, sounding alarm bells, begging him to stop with all this sudden vulnerability.

“It’s overwhelming, right?” you ask, cutting him off. Saving him. Guardian angel.

You see the relief in his body at your question. His fists unclench, the tension leaves his shoulders. He smiles bashfully. Half grateful, half embarrassed. You get it.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. You giggle, and he’s convinced that the melodious sound will circle around in his mind forever, like the Earth orbiting the Sun.

You fiddle with the strings of your mint green apron, and look at him. You’re gazing at him so earnestly that he’s worried he might spontaneously combust.

“Are you busy tonight?” you ask suddenly, and he feels so dizzy he’s concerned momentarily that he’s going to pass out.

“Uh, no. I’m not,” he replies, managing to force the words out of his mouth.

“We close at 6, so meet me here at 7.”

You still have that sparkle in your eye. He couldn’t say no to you if he tried.

“Why?” he queries. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t absolutely petrified at the turn the conversation has taken.

“I want to show you around. Maybe make you a coffee, introduce you to some of my favourite things. You won’t believe how good my raspberry and white chocolate cookies are. They’re best sellers for a reason,” you beam at him.

Beaming. He wonders how he’s lived his whole life without your light illuminating his universe. Anywhere he goes without you is going to feel so dark, he thinks. How did I ever live like this?

He manages to pull himself together to smile back at you. His first genuine grin in God knows how long. He’s forgotten what joy feels like, and he’s almost drunk on it now.

He agrees to your plan, and you turn on your heel, about to make your way back inside.

“Wait!” he yells, louder than intended. “What’s your name?”

Your lips turn up into a smirk, mischief seeping out of your pores.

“Come back at 7 and find out.” You wink at him, and he has to take a few deep breaths in order to stay conscious. With that, you leave him alone on the sidewalk, where he’s silently thanking the universe for dropping you in his lap. Finally, he thinks. The cosmic punishment is over.

He does come back at 7. In fact, he’s stood outside waiting at 6:45. He can see you mopping the floor, singing as you go. His supersoldier hearing allows him to listen to your voice, even from this far away. He’s never been more grateful for the thing he used to call a curse. He’d be cursed every damn day if it meant he got to listen to you like this.

At 6:58, you appear at the lilac door, beckoning him to follow you inside. He knows that stepping over that threshold is going to change him fundamentally. He can’t wait.

Upon entering, he’s hit with the smell of cinnamon, sugar, coffee, and you. A beautiful mix of all three. Without a second thought, he reaches out with his right hand, and gently brushes some flour from your cheekbone.

“Bucky,” he murmurs.

You can’t tear your eyes away from him. Lips slightly parted, chest heaving, it takes you a minute to register that he spoke.

“What?” you ask, dazed by the handsome stranger with the steel blue eyes.

“My name,” he speaks softly. “It’s Bucky.”

You smile knowingly, and take a deep breath. It’s overwhelming, meeting someone that you know is going to be in your life forever. You’re both feeling the same, neither of you sure just quite what to do.

You grab his left hand, sighing quietly in relief at the feeling the cool metal against your heated skin. Leading him gently, he lets you guide him through the front of the store, until you stop behind the counter. He’s convinced he’d let you lead him anywhere, as long as he gets to feel your skin, soft and warm, on his. Grounding. Comforting. Easy.

“What kind of milk do you like?” you ask, fingers still intertwined with his.

“There’s more than one kind of milk?”

Bucky looks so disorientated, that you want to kiss the confused expression off his face. You chuckle softly, and the sound bounces off the metal in the room, twinkling around him.

“We have cows’ milk, oat milk, almond milk and soy milk.” You take one look at him, and decide to change course. “Let’s start with something less complex, actually. Any allergies I should know about?”

He shakes his head, mischievous grin beginning to form on his handsome face. There he is, you think. He’s with me.

“I’m going to make you a latte. It’s milky, and not too strong or too sweet. I think you’ll like it.”

She thinks I’ll like it, he muses. And he trusts you - whether it be with his life, or just a cup of coffee.

You reluctantly let go of his hand, and begin to flit around, gathering everything you need. Bucky leans back against the counter and watches carefully. He watches the way you bite your lip when you measure out the milk. He watches the way the steam from the coffee machine blows your hair back from your face gently. He watches the way you’re trying to make everything perfect. He can’t remember the last time someone paid attention to him like this. His mind is telling him to sprint in the opposite direction, to excuse himself and never come back. He’s terrified. But he stays. I deserve this, he thinks. I deserve something good.

You pull him from his thoughts by handing him the mug of warm coffee. He takes it from you carefully, and, without breaking eye contact, takes a sip. He smiles, really smiles. That’s all the validation you needed.

“Let me show you where we bake everything,” you say quietly, as if you’re afraid to burst this bubble of warmth and trust you’ve created. You’re scared he’s going to bolt if you give him the chance. So, you don’t. You take his hand once more, and guide him through to the kitchen.

“Have you done much baking in your life, Bucky?”

No, he thinks. But I will. I’ll bake everyday for the rest of my life if it means you’ll love me. If you’ll make me coffee and smile at me like that.

Instead, he answers cautiously.

“Not really. I’d like to, though.” He adds that last part bashfully. You smile back at him earnestly.

“Well then you’re in the right place,” you wink. He has the overwhelming urge to drop to his knees. To pray at your altar. To worship you like an angel sent down just for him. He’s surprised he’s still stood on two feet.

Before he can even register what’s happening, you’re beginning to create a mixture for your infamous cookies. You direct him to stir, while you add meticulously measured ingredients into the bowl.

“Put those arms to good use,” you’d smirked, and a blush had risen up to his cheeks almost instantly.

You click the radio on, and a soft, jazzy melody begins to drift through the room. You’re humming quietly, gliding around the kitchen, and he decides that this is it for him. You’re it for him. He could watch you do this every day and die a happy man.

Cookies baking in the oven, you jump up to sit on one of the counters. Bucky moves to stand in between your legs, still being careful to keep his distance ever so slightly. He knows if he touches you, he won’t ever want to let go.

“This wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be,” he confesses.

“What, me?” you tease.

“No. Coffee. And cookies,” he chuckles.

“Are there lots of things that you haven’t done because you find them scary?” you ask genuinely. You want to know him. All of him. Fears, wants, quirks. All of it.

“Yeah, actually. The world is so different now. I don’t really know where to start. It’s all terrifying, honestly,” he laughs. You laugh with him, but you know there’s truth to his words. You want to wrap your arms around him. He may be 6 foot tall and made of solid muscle and vibranium, but you want to protect him.

“Why don’t we do it together?”

A pause. He’s confused again.

“Do what together?”

“All of it. The learning. I’ll help you. Everything is less scary if you do it with someone else.”

It’s now that he’s convinced he’s dreaming. You can’t be real. Why would you be here, offering him everything, after all that he’s done? He has to remind himself. I deserve this. I deserve something good.

You can sense his trepidation, so you keep talking.

“Why don’t we make a list? You write down the things you want to learn about. I’ll write down other things I think you should know. You’ll be an expert on the 21st Century before long, Buck.”

Buck. The nickname sounds like a gift coming from your lips.

“Okay. Yeah. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

The anxiety is coming off him in waves. He’s panicking. You grab a hold of both of his hands, and place one on each of your legs, just above your knees. He steps in closer, and takes a breath. You’re warm, and you’re soft, and you’re love personified. He’s okay.

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m excited!” you assure him. Then, quieter, “It means I get to spend more time with you.”

He aims a beaming, megawatt smile in your direction. He feels as if his nerve endings are alight. You’ve awoken something in him. He’d forgotten what it was like to feel like this. To feel alive.

You reach over and grab your notebook. In it, you simply write his name, followed by a love heart. Then, underneath, you begin to list everything you can think of that you want to teach him. You hand the list to him, and he adds his own requests. Between you, you manage to write 50 different lessons.

“Perfect. We’ll start with number one, and work our way down. Are you busy tomorrow evening?”

He chuckles at your eagerness, but secretly, he can’t wait. He knows he’ll be counting down the hours until he can see you again.

“Nope, I’m not. You are my only priority, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment seeps into your skin, settles in your ribcage. You’re convinced it’ll warm you up from the inside out. If he keeps calling you sweetheart in that Brooklyn drawl of his, you’ll never be cold again.

　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 . ✵

You’re not sure if you’ve been swaying in your kitchen with Bucky to Marvin Gaye for 2 minutes or 2 hours. You’re comfortably settled into him, as if the space in his arms was made especially for you. Maybe it was.

Bucky’s voice breaks through the solitude.

“You know, I’ve created my own list,” he murmurs against the top of your hair, where he’s resting his head.

You pull back, still in his arms, to look at him carefully.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Read it, and tell me what you think.”

He untangles himself from you and crosses the room, to retrieve his leather-bound notebook. He returns, and places it carefully in your awaiting hands.

You flick open the cover to reveal the first page. You recognise his handwriting instantly. It’s spiralling, and imperfect, but so Bucky. At the top of the page, you spot the title – your name, with a love heart next to it. Exactly the same as you’d done for him when you’d originally created your list together.

Underneath your name, only one thing is written.

I love you.

You look up at him, to see him watching you, holding his breath. Neither of you know what to say. You know what you want to say. You want to tell him that you hope the list never ends, so you always have an excuse to spend time with him. You want to tell him that you watched him walk past the door of the Bakery every day for 3 months because you thought he was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen. You want to tell him that every time he looks at you, you feel as if you’re going to pass out. You want to tell him that you can recognise him anywhere, by touch or smell alone. Instead, you say,

“You do?”

That genuine, million dollar smile is back, etched on his face. He’s glowing, light radiating from his bones.

“Yes. I do. I think I’ve loved you ever since I saw you waiting for me on the doorstep of the Bakery that day.”

You think you might be floating. Levitating above ground, fuelled by love. You laugh.

“That’s the exact moment I fell in love with you.”

He laughs with you, then. You could get drunk off the sound.

“I didn’t think love at first sight was a real thing. I thought I was going crazy,” he confesses.

He’s convinced that the two of you have discovered something, invented it even. Because he doesn’t understand. If love feels like this, so all encompassing, so consuming – how does anyone live? Every moment of every day, Bucky thinks of you. How does anyone go to work? How does anyone ever feel sad, or angry, when love like this exists?

You drop the notebook and cross the room to him. He closes the gap, and throws his arms around you, spinning you in circles, laughing with joy. He sets you back on your feet, and tilts your chin up, so you’re looking into his steel blue eyes. You could drown in the ocean of his irises if he let you.

He leans down, and presses his lips to yours. He’s giving you all of the love, the joy, the laughter – everything good that he has ever felt, because of you – through his kiss. Your knees go weak, and he holds you up by your waist, his strong arms encircling your frame. He tastes like coffee, and sugar, and promises. You’ll never want to taste anything else.

Eventually, you break away for air. You gaze up at him, and he sees sunshine in your eyes. He’s not sure what he did to earn a love like this. You seem to sense his doubts creeping in, because you say, in the most assured voice he’s ever heard –

“No one has ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”

I deserve this, he thinks. I deserve something good.

5K notes · View notes

nobody-nexus · 6 months

Text

TADC Incorrect Quotes

(With have Ragatha/Pomni, Jax/Zooble if you squint, and maybe like ONE Jax/Bubble for shits and giggles)

Ragatha: As your best friend— Gangle: Zooble's my best friend? Ragatha, holding a knife: As your best friend—

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Ragatha: Pomni is at that very special age where an adult only has one thing on their mind Caine: Boys? Pomni: Homicide

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Pomni: You know what? When I join this friend group, I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit Caine, Zooble and Kinger continue screaming about mold water Pomni: Not the other way around! Bubble: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water :)

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Gangle: How do Zooble and Jax usually get out of these messes? Ragatha: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out

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Ragatha: Just be careful, Pomni! Pomni, heading out the door: I'm always careful, Ragatha! Pomni: It's everything around me that's careless

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Caine: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems! Gangle: Weight loss? Drink water Ragatha: Clear skin? Drink water Jax: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

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Zooble: Hold on, I can explain Caine: Really? Can you now? Zooble: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie

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Caine: You have to apologize to them Jax Jax: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

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Gangle: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

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Ragatha: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance? Zooble: No. Jax: No. Ragatha: Didn't think so

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Pomni: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s nice being held Ragatha: Are you okay

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Zooble: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times Ragatha: I hope you understand how food poisoning works Zooble: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger I couldn’t eat

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Ragatha: Wake me up- Pomni: Before you go go Gangle: When September ends Caine: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

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Ragatha, smugly, after security arrives to escort Jax and Pomni out: So, do you wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out? Jax, in defeat: Let’s go Pomni: Wait. Jax: What? Pomni: I’d kinda like to be carried out...

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Gangle: We have fun, don’t we, Pomni? Pomni: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life

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Kinger: Hey Ragatha? Ragatha: Yeah? Kinger: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false? Ragatha: Ragatha: ...What.

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Jax: How high are you? Pomni: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet. Zooble: No, he's asking what drugs are you on Pomni: Oh, antidepressants, why?

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Caine: It is 6:09 . Caine: I am wondering why I’m still alive. Caine: Send Wendy’s. Pomni: The whole restaurant?!

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Zooble: I’m the smartest person in this group.... Jax: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? Zooble: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

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Pomni: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water?? Jax: Y- you were putting it in cold water?? Zooble: Pomni. Answer the question, Pomni. Pomni: Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason. Pomni: Plus, you think I have the patience to boil water? Jax: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes?? Zooble: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it? Jax: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove? Zooble: It takes less than a minute. Jax: Is your stovetop powered by the f#%king sun??? Zooble: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove? Jax: Like seven minutes?? Gangle: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes... less than that if you use a saucepan! Zooble: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Gangle? Your stove is enchanted! Pomni: Every single person here is a f#%king lunatic. Ragatha: Do none of you own a f#%king kettle?

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Gangle: Guess what I'm about to get! Jax: On my nerves.

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Zooble: Jax has discovered "deez nuts" jokes and it's all they say now. Everything is deez nuts. They simply can't stop. Zooble: I asked Jax where he learned that joke. He made me promise him wouldn't get in trouble if he told me. I agreed. Zooble: So, he leans in and whispers, "deez nuts."

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Pomni: HELP! I TOLD RAGATHA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK! Jax, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

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Jax: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A. Ragatha: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory Pomni: F$%k you.

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Zooble: New challenge! Don't say stupid sh!t for 24 hours!

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Pomni: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion Ragatha, amused: What’s grape soda? Pomni: It’s f#%king purple baby!!!

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Zooble: It doesn’t have a bone Jax: Then why is it called a boner?

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Pomni: Can I get a waffle? Caine and Bubble: *fighting and yelling at each other* Pomni: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

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Jax: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes Zooble: Wow, I've gotta hear this Jax: I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share Ragatha: You forgot pride Jax: No, I'm pretty proud of this

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Ragatha, trying to be cute: WOW, Pomni, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How AWFULLY lewd of you. Pomni, confused: We literally slept together yesterday? Ragatha: Eh- sweetie no that's not-

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Caine: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? Pomni: Why? It was important Caine: All it says is, "I'm back on my sh!t". Jax, shrugging: The people need to know

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Jax: We’re getting married, bitches! Bubble: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem

112 notes · View notes

imaginecolby · 2 years

Text

dinner date || c.b.

summary: after a couple of mistaken food deliveries, colby finally takes it upon himself to invite you over for dinner.

imagine colby is still in an apartment, but much less of a recluse.

you and colby had been neighbors for a few months now. you’d seen each other in passing, coming and going at different times of day. you’d run into each other at the mail boxes, or he’d stop to say hi during his walks when he saw you with your dog. your dog he actually knew a little bit better than you, as he would sometimes talk to him while sitting out on the balcony.

you came home one afternoon, after running some errands, when you saw a Chipotle bag outside your front door.

“i don’t even eat chipotle.” you thought to yourself before leaning down to pick it up. you read the tag and saw that it had colby’s name on it. you picked it up and walked it over to his door.

“hey (y/n)! what’s up?” he asked after answering the door.

“lunch time?” you asked handing him the bag. “i guess they got the numbers mixed up again.”

“oops, sorry about that.” he said, taking the bag from you.

“no worries, it’s not your fault. i’m just glad it wasn’t someone all the way across the complex this time.” you laughed.

“yeah, that was an adventure trying to find those people.” he agreed.

“well, hope you enjoy your lunch. have a good rest of your day.” you said, giving him a wave before walking back to your apartment.

this slowly became a tradition of yours, the other having to take numerous food deliveries to the other’s apartment. it was probably once every few weeks, sometimes a whole month between, but it was funny nonetheless. as doordash and postmates continuously got new drivers, you didn’t mind the mix ups, especially considering you and colby were directly next door.

one night in particular, you came home to a very large number of bags at your door step. you recognized the smell to be chinese food, and it made your stomach rumble. you double checked the receipt to make sure you knew where you were taking it. you picked up the bags and walked over to colby’s, lightly kicking the door, since your hands were full.

“dinner time.” you said, lifting up the bags.

“god dammit, i was really hoping this one wouldn’t get delivered to your door. i went a little overboard tonight.” he said, his cheeks flushing, embarrassed by the amount of bags you had to take over to him.

“no worries.” you said as he grabbed the bags from you. “i hope you enjoy. it smells really good.”

“yeah, it’s from that new place that just opened up by the walmart.”

“oh, yeah! i remember seeing the menu when they brought them by. they did have a lot of really good sounding entrees.” you said.

“hey, you wanna join me for dinner? like i said, i went a little overboard and there’s plenty to share.” he said. “you can bring your dog over if you don’t wanna leave him alone.”

“would you mind if i feed him over here? he hasn’t had dinner yet.” you asked, and he shook his head.

“not at all. we can all enjoy dinner together.” he said. you gave him a smile and nodded.

“then we’d love to join you for dinner. we’ll be right over.” you said.

“perfect. i’ll set the table.” colby flashed you a smile before going back inside. you walked back over to your apartment, grabbing your dog, his bowl, and some food. you walked with him back to colby’s apartment. you got your dog set up for dinner, and you joined colby at the table to eat.

you and colby ended up enjoying a nice and peaceful dinner together, getting to know each other much deeper than surface level.

he told you all about him and sam and what they do as paranormal investigative youtubers, why they decided to move out of LA and to las vegas instead. you told him about your job and your further career aspirations. you told each other jokes, shared stories about your families and friends. even shared a few embarrassing drunk stories of nights out at house parties and clubs.

it wasn’t often you opened up to someone in this capacity, especially someone that you barely knew. but something about the energy that colby radiated that made you so inexplicably comfortable. it was as if the two of you had been best friends for years, the way that you spoke with each other.

this evening was shaping up to be the start of what you hoped turned out to be a great friendship

#colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fanfiction

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notjennyfromtheblocked · 3 months

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The more I interact with people the more I realize that extroversion is completely unnecessary and unnatural.

No, you do not need social interaction constantly. No you do not need hundreds of friends. Wtf is even small talk.

Humanity flourishes with small familial/found familial groups/friendships, and everyone needs alone time. Very few jobs ACTUALLY require extroversion to thrive. No, I don't want to have a conversation wirh my cashier or barista. We are making a transaction. We don't need to interact. And as time progresses with self service eventually we won't need even that. Don't speak to me if I'm purchasing something from your company. You're not my friend; you exist simply to give me what I am spending money to have. That is your purpose. I know you think becoming my friend will endear me to you so I can save you from the hellscape of boredom your job is, but that's not my obligation. This isn't Great Expectations. Being nice to a stranger won't give you a better life. Getting off your ass and applying yourself will; stop expecting introverts who are independent to do it for you.

Office work probably needs even less interaction. There's no reason FOR office work at all. It's a fact work from home was more productive. Most jobs don't actually need in-person work and if they do they definitely don't need you to be social. If you're in healthcare you fix my ass up and that's it. We dont need to chit chat. We don't even need to go out anymore tbh; that's why have the internet, online shopping, and DoorDash and Instacart. If it is required to go out, shut the fuck up and get back home asap. If you need to be social, go home and talk on the phone or use the internet or text. Nobody wants to hear your squawking laughter at restaurants and unintelligent gabbing at parks and stores. If you can't be noisy at your apartment or house, too bad. Should've bought your own hoke in a more secluded area. Don't make it pur problem. Cell phones in public should be for texting, dipshit. That's why it was invented. If you're waiting for an important phone call, STAY YOUR ASS AT HOME. I don't care about your problems! I don't know you! I don't want to overhear your cunt ass speak!

Any job that """requires""" talking to individuals in a conversational way is bullshit and it isn't actually necessary. Extroverts FORCED it to be a requirement by their nonstop yammering and FORCING people to put up with their look at me look at me main character syndrome. NOBODY should be making friends in a workplace environment anyway. Do you want to be betrayed and manipulated? Wait you're an extrovert. You're the one throwing us under the bus.

Do you think cavemen were partying and laughing noisily as possible and bragging about how social they are? No they were being quiet so they could hunt to survive. I guarantee that extroverts were killed by bears in the past. You think peasants and servants were making asses of themselves in public and forcing everyone to pretend they weren't annoyed? Do you think slaves were walking slow on sidewalks and taking up space in aisles to chat and never getting their work done because they were playing around but get away with being lazy because they're ass kissing their bosses with their extroversion? No. But you know who was doing that shit? Their rich ass elite royals and slave owners. Servants mind their business and Eat the Rich sociopaths were gossiping. Extroverts will manipulate everyone around them by playing invented games like "how to act exactly as society demands and say all the right opinions without offering an actual opinion" to get everyone on their side then you'll see how they act off the clock and they're totally different. This is SOCIOPATHY. You're a schmoozing sociopath who fucking lies and everyone thinks you're annoying and hates your fucking GUTS but Society demands we can't tell it how it is.

TLDR; extroversion is an invented word to cover for psychopathy, manipulation, and coercive control over the masses.

#personality disorder #extrovert #introvert #red flags

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sturdy-nerdy-stitchery · 2 days

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Help Secure Stable Housing for Schluter Family. Click link below.

https://gofund.me/116f91d8

❤️Please read! Please share! This is my BFF Bestie! who is asking for help!❤️

I know I don't use tumblr very much these days, and when I do, it's when I need something. This time, it's my best friend, and I REALLY need this to spread! My best friend is nearing an eviction notice (due to circumstances beyond their control) unless they can come up with $4,800USD to catch up and cover rent.❤️ I'm doing what I can, therefore...𝙈𝙮 𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥 𝙞𝙨 25% 𝙤𝙛𝙛! 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙙𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙘𝙝𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙂𝙁𝙈! Go get yourself some stitching!

(or donate at my Ko-Fi account at ko-fi.com/sturdynerdystitchery because there, you can get free patterns!)❤️

I have 3,200 followers. That's a wide audience. Those followers have dozens, if not thousands of followers. That's an even wider audience. People who have been in those shoes, can empathize, and can donate. Even if you can't donate, sharing is free and even THAT helps reach more people.

I've seen the community come together. I've seen other communities come together. Can we surpass that $4,800 goal? I sure hope so! 💰I've already done the first $100 donation...anyone want to match that?💰 We've all been, or know someone who has been, in those struggle shoes.

⭐TLDR: Husband's job started slashing everyone's pay by HALF, when they were already barely getting by. Sara found work, but it only pays minimum wage ($14.42) while she is doing her 6 weeks of training. Of which, she has one more month left. They are struggling so much, and now. Eviction notice. They have 2 kids, 2 dogs, and a kitty who just birthed kittens 2 weeks ago!

Please keep reading to hear the full story. Please!!! I don't want to lose my best friend! 😭😭😭 (plus, you'll get treated to kitten pictures)

This isn't a case of "Well, maybe they should have...." because those sentiments are NOT what is needed right now! Those sentiments DO NOT help! It's not a matter of giving up Starbucks. It's about a shitty employer who cares nothing for it's employees.

Donating, no matter how big or how small, makes a difference. Even if you can't donate, sharing is free, it helps reach a wider audience, and that in and of itself makes a difference.

I know that often, when a GoFundMe comes into a feed, it's less likely to get shared if you don't know the person. Well, I know this person. Sara, her husband David, and their 2 kids moved to Colorado a year ago. Along with their Golden Retriever, Mia, their Brindle pupper, Kelce, their kitty who just had 3 kittens. Aren't they cute!

We became friends over the summer. Since then, she has wormed her way into my heart and for the first time since WE moved to Colorado in 2019, I can gratefully say that I found a best friend BFF bestie who would be my ride or die, and vice versa.

She was living with her father in order to save up for their own place. She had to move out because it was a horribly abusive situation and she had to get her family away for their safety.

They found a house to rent, and have been there several months.

A few weeks after they moved in, they get notice that her husband's job is slashing everyone's pay in half. DoorDashing to make up the difference wasn't doing it. Countless job applications, and her husband is still struggling to find work.

She found work, however. They only pay minimum wage while she is doing her 6 weeks of training (Bullshit, I know). She still has 1 month to go.

They have a 2 year old and a 12 year old. The pets. Their everything.

That everything could be gone because we live in a society that treats people so unfairly. They might have to move back to Missouri.

She is waiting on the mail today. Waiting for that eviction notice, and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I cried this morning. She is a good friend, a good mom, a good provider. Her husband is hard working, a stand up man. Work gave him the shit end of the stick.

She is panicking. She says she has never been more afraid in her life. She doesn't have to say it, but I know she feels broken, and defeated.

I refuse to lose my best friend to circumstances that she had no control over. Her husband is still looking for a new job. Even if she looked for a new job while currently working, and happened to find one...it still won't help cover what they need.

My heart is breaking.💔 So much. I know that some might think it selfish of me to use my social media for personal reasons, but this reason is important to me. This reason is my best friend.

So, pleeeeaaaaseee! even if it's only a dollar. Or even better, if someone is rolling in dough and can drop the entire $4,800!

#cross stitch #sailor moon #cross stitch patterns #Cats #Cross Stitching #photography #etsy #Colorado #Colorado Springs #x stitch

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multiplicity-positivity · 6 months

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Any chance you guys got any advice about maintaining work, employment, or at least a consistent schedule to do some app contractor job like doordash? Like, I know employment isn’t an indicator of worth, but self worth doesn’t pay the rent. I’m asking yall specifically because a lot of the problems are caused by being a system- memory gaps, decisions that one alter makes that screws over the rest of us, triggers being activated, stuff like that. I can’t wait for the 2~ years it takes to get on disability.

Hi! We’ve got the work part and our host fronting right now, and we’re probably the alters in our system most equipped to answer this. We’re unable to work jobs that are very physically or mentally demanding due to our disabilities, and we currently work almost full time as a delivery driver/sometimes manager for a pizza chain. Here’s how we handle that!

Under a cut because it got so long - sorry!

1. A designated work part

Having one part, alter, or headmate who is willing to and capable of managing a job has been, for us, essential. I (Corrie, but first as Margo) have been the work part for our system since we got our first job at 15, and for 11 years I’ve been handling our employment! I took it upon myself to make work my own responsibility, with help from our gatekeeper, who helps to ensure I’m fronting when I need to be.

However, there have been weird days, times when the system is triggered, when I’ve been too unwell, or something else has happened to keep me from the front, when we’ve had to have another part take over so we can make it to work. So, for us, having a couple other parts who are at least willing to try fronting for work has been immensely helpful. In our system, Parker and Kip have both helped us out in the past when I haven’t been able to front for whatever reason. I’ve more or less “trained” them through them cofronting with me at work, and talking them through different tasks we are responsible for on the clock when I’m able.

2. Calendars, and alarms

Another very important aspect of being employed as a system, for us. Our alarms go off to wake us up, to let us know how much time we have to get ready for work, and to let us know what time we need to leave. Our phone calendar has task reminders for thing that need to be completed weekly or monthly, along with deadlines for projects, certification renewals, and things like that. All of our alarms have lengthy labels, some of them with references to notes in a Google Doc/ our notes app, so whoever sees the alarm can know what it’s for and how to respond accordingly.

3. Notes and CHECKLISTS!!

Oh how our system loves checklists! Checklists help us feel like we’re making progress and work as a visual aid for what we’ve completed during the work day. We have a few permanent checklists used by different members of our system, all located in our notes app on our phone. We have:

A good morning checklist, with items like brushing teeth, taking medication, eating breakfast, and getting dressed in our uniform

Along with other checklists like a delivery checklist, an inside checklist, a manager’s checklist, and a before-we-leave checklist. We also make a new checklist every day for things that change, like managing food prep and other tasks that vary

We also have notes to keep track of other work-related things, like how to clock in, how to take an order, and how to make certain food items. All of these notes, along with the checklists, are grouped together in a work folder in our notes app! A system member needs only to search for what they need help with, and we likely have a pre written note that can point them in the right direction.

4. Honesty with our parts, coworkers, and ourselves

We often have to be blunt with alters who could not handle fronting at work. We’ve had lengthy discussions with our system to explain why certain alters should not be permitted to front at work, and why certain alters are the most capable of fronting at work. We’ve been lucky in that hardly ever have we had a non-work part fronting for a shift! Being genuine, honest, and serious with our system about our boundaries and capabilities when it comes to working has helped us in this regard.

We’ve also had to be open with our boss and, to a lesser extent, our coworkers regarding our symptoms and disabilities. We have never, ever, disclosed our diagnoses to anyone we work with, and we don’t plan on ever doing this! However, we have told our boss that we struggle with mental health, that we have difficulties with amnesia and depression, and that we may need accommodations like taking time off or requiring extra assistance from time to time. Our boss has been incredibly understanding and has worked with us whenever we’ve experienced a crisis, PTSD symptoms, or other issues relating to our disabilities at work.

Please check your local laws to see whether or not you will be required to disclose your disability/ies (if you have any) to your new potential boss or manager. If it’s not necessary, we recommend keeping diagnoses to yourself, and disclosing symptoms as they arise on a need-to-know basis. This can help keep yourself and your system safer and more secure in the long run!

5. Distress tolerance and trigger management

Outside of work (so I, Corrie, don’t really front for this, but Parker does), we’ve been working on building our distress tolerance, recognizing what triggers us, and learning new DBT skills to add to our self care and PTSD management toolkit. Therapy has been really really helpful with this, but we’ve also been learning a lot from our DBT workbook (<- hyperlink to Amazon) - we recommend it quite regularly on this blog.

Doing this sort of work when we’re not at our job has made it a bit easier for those of us who do front at work to be able to do so without getting triggered, anxious, or upset as much! When we know how to effectively regulate our emotions, we’re more equipped to handle distressing situations while on the clock. It’s still a work in progress, and we’re not perfect at managing our emotions yet! But we’re practicing and making an effort, and we’ve finally reached a point where our efforts are showing results even at work.

Sorry this got so long! Hopefully there’s something here that could help your system when finding employment and starting work. Working for a living can be incredibly challenging, but in many cases, getting on disability or receiving government assistance can be much more difficult or nearly impossible to achieve!

If any of our followers are plural and work/are employed, please feel free to share any other tips or tricks you have! We’re sorry if this response is all over the place or if there really isn’t much useful info here. We’re wishing y’all the very best of luck with finding profitable, manageable employment in the future!

🌷 Corrie and 💫 Parker

#work #employment

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thesmokebreak · 1 year

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Smoke break (session 3)

Currently, I’m in my bathroom. I just finished smoking, so yea I like to hotbox my bathroom. I don’t have anything in particular to talk about it just felt the need to say, anything.

For some reason I really think I need to do shrooms. I’ve been told it’s enlightening. They show you what is true and what’s real in this world. The way I think and how much I think, it’s obviously something I care about and had a huge. Effect in my life. Just knowing how people think as well as why they think that way. Like, what leads a person to think to do something negative.

(Random subject change) I met this girl at the smoke shop I work at and she seems like she wants to be a better person, but she’s being held back by so much. Recently she had to move to Ohio not too long after meeting her. When she moved to Ohio I hear and listen to the say her mother talks and everyone around her and it seems like there almost anchoring her down, along with property and just the society in general. I hear all of this and I’m starting to think she’s just here to try to get some money some kind of way even if it’s having a baby by me just to take care of her and hers because she she’s I have something going for myself. I think she thinks my rolling paper business is goin to be big and she thinks it would be nice to get a piece of it. I only say all of this because I can tell she holding back. It also seems like her mom is one of those “stuck in her ways” adults as well as “it’s my way or no way” kind of person.

For some reason I just haven’t been as motivated lately, so today is a whole different day/week.

I’m outside thinking it’s ok to care less, but don’t be careless. With everything I know now I’m just trying to figure out the best way to climb.

So, basically I’ve found out two major situations that are goin to take place in the near future. 1.) we’re about to lose currency. No more cash. So I’m going to assume no more atms. I’ve never believe in conspiracy theories that much until now. The creator of cashapp died not long after they made the announcement that fed now was taking its place. Fed now will be what cashapp and Venmo and all of those apps are right now. To sum it all up in my own words and thoughts, I’m assuming the government wants to keep track of all of our money. With the US being in, I think some odd number of trillion of dollars, I get it. BUT, at the same time, do you really expect people to not have untraceable money when everything just seems off balance. By that I mean, what we’re being paid and how much essential items are, don’t exactly add up. The cost of living vs the minimum wage amount. The minimum wage amount vs organic food. Speaking of organic food, that leads me to my next major situation I came across.

Food. Apparently I read that our food is about to start being injected with the Covid vaccine, im assuming for the ones who didn’t take it. BUT, why is it so important that the vaccine is consumed. The only thing I can think of is there’s something in it that’ll control us in a certain type of way. It’s all about control. From financially when I was talkin about it earlier to now with the food and our health. Why do they want to control the population, or is it the Popo that ensures poverty. I was gonna say the black population, but it’s obvious, there are more of us living in poverty vs anyone else, but there are other people going through the same thing we are. BUT to contradict that, we’re still the masses of people in poverty. Maybe we really do have something they want, or need. Maybe the movie “get out” was ahead of its time.

I’m not sure why or what’s going on but, right now I’m hungry and debating whether or not I’m going to order doordash or just make chicken sandwiches and fries. I’m feeling like I deserve to treat myself so doordash it is.

(Ashes joint)

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ilikeyoshi · 1 year

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health update!! i’m just gonna babble about the last couple weeks under the readmore but if you’re interested in how i’m doing hi

so my rheumatology appointment was about two weeks ago now. we did a lot of tests, xrays, etc, and i’ve since gotten all the results back and nothing looks PARTICULARLY weird yet. a little disappointing, but i did get one other thing from that appointment: medication!

they said it’d take 2-3 weeks to start really making a difference, if it was going to, and the last several days i have... noticed a suspicious (positive) trend.

i’ve been able to get up and move around the house more or less freely!!! a walk from my bedroom to the living room or even the bathroom hasn’t felt like Death. and i went to the dentist a few days ago, after which i walked across the parking lot (3-5 min walk) to get lunch. i EXPECTED this to result in a lot of pain the following day, as exertion even that small usually results in that. but it didn’t! i felt a low (for me) amount of pain the following day!

and the thing that’s really kinda blowing my mind is i went up the BASEMENT STAIRCASE yesterday to get food i doordashed over, which usually WINDS me. and it didn’t. i felt (comparatively) fine. 😳

there’s still pain and weakness, but i can do more before it’s dangerous/debilitating, and it’s been consistent enough that i’m.... pretty sure it’s the medication??? i’m scared to jinx it LOL maybe i’ve just been INSANELY lucky, it’s hard to get excited because for three years absolutely NOTHING has helped and i’ve just kept deteriorating. but i can’t deny this series of events either!!! so i’m cautiously optimistic!!!

i’m also taking into consideration that my pain/weakness might be a symptom of my body deconditioning. i haven’t been able to walk across the HOUSE for a long time, i am definitely very out of shape. so if these meds continue to work and i can continue to do more each day, i can start building back that lost strength, and that might help my symptoms further!!

it’s really exciting even though i’m nervous to get SUPER hopeful just yet!! 🥺 i see my rheumatologist again on march 13 (at the latest; i’m on a waitlist for a hopefully sooner appointment!) so i’ll have a better assessment of what’s next after that. :’) but it’d be so amazing and wonderful if something is WORKING for the first time....

#yoshi talks

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hopetorun · 8 months

Note

from the otp ask, for matthew/leon! 5, 8, 19, 20, 27, 33, i'm cutting myself off here for this ask asdlkf

5. Describe their cozy night in.

they order takeout. they put on a movie or a tv show. matthew talks over half the movie, because he has opinions. leon tries several different tactics to get him to shut up, none of which are successful. the final unsuccessful tactic involves physically covering his mouth, which turns into a minor wrestling match. they have sex on the couch during the second half of the movie.

alternately: they order takeout. they put on a movie or a tv show. they snuggle up together once they're done eating and then fall asleep halfway through the movie.

8. What happens if one of them gets sick?

during the season, they're both the exact same kind of hypocrite who pretends there's nothing wrong when they're sick and frets aggressively when their partner is sick. (this also applies to injuries.) in the offseason matthew is the same way, he does not have a summer cold, he is just having some mild allergies, it is nothing to worry about.

offseason leon lets himself indulge in being a big baby about being sick. he is on the couch, he is letting matthew dote on him, he is whining constantly about how stupid it is to be on vacation and also sick. it's possible these two things are happening at the same time, in which case i think matthew would eventually be worn down and crawl into bed with poor sick leon so they can at least snuggle pathetically when they're not too busy sniffling.

19. How do they feel about PDA?

answered this specifically for hbn-verse here and i think that answer broadly applies outside of it. leon likes pda more. after a few drinks leon really likes pda. wasted leon will slow dance in a club to a song that is not meant for slow dancing, ideally with both hands on matthew's ass.

matthew is alternately extremely pleased by all the affection, a little embarrassed by just how public it all is, and willing to humor leon because he knows this is how leon acts when he loves someone. also he does enjoy how surprised and pleased leon is when matthew initiates some pda.

20. Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

idk if there's one that exactly captures the vibe but here's a few of my go-tos for them: everybody talks (neon trees), a little less conversation (elvis), one mississippi (kane brown), the kick (foxes)

27. Who is the light weight that needs to be taken care of after a party?

they are both 100% sure that they can hold their liquor and that the other one is a lightweight. in practice, leon can hold his liquor better but he's also more easily goaded into overdoing it. kind of a wash. both of them have been on both sides of the puking and back-rubbing arrangement.

33. Who’s the better cook?

considering that matthew has been publicly accused of not being able to make eggs and leon has been publicly accused of burning water, this is a terrifying question. i guess matthew did do that hellofresh sponcon that one time. maybe he learned something? the most reliable cook in their household is doordash.

#ask meme

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fitgothgirl · 1 year

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Welp. I just applied for a job at a pizza place I used to work at.

Yes I have a full-time WFH job. But with the new year (and our city’s minimum wage being raised again with that), I want to go balls to the wall with saving money and paying off my debt. I can’t keep living like this, paycheck to paycheck, with my credit card just slowly (or not so slowly) rising. I just haven’t been able to get my head above water lately.

I know I could just get a better paying job, but I love my job. I know I could just try harder with saving my current money, which should be enough to live on based on my bills, but it’s a struggle with my debt payments. I just can’t catch up even though I logically know how to (shoutout to Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover). I know I could do DoorDash, but I can’t stick to it consistently. Plus the driving is just too much sometimes, and the pay is inconsistent too.

I feel like having a separate second job whose entire paycheck and purpose is to pay off my debt and get some savings going will help. And it’s a real job that I have to show up to unlike DoorDash. I just want to be able to reset all my debts and then I can quit after that. It’s a temporary situation; it’d be awesome if it could be less than a year but that depends on me I guess.

Plus if I have a part-time job like this, then that’s time I’m spending on my feet (which I’ve honestly missed about food service/retail), and time I’m not just vegging out, and time I’m not smoking weed, and time I’m not out doing things that spend money instead of make money. Honestly it’d be good for me with how chill my life is right now. I know I’ll feel differently after 2-3 months of working the job probably, but it’s still true.

And yes customers can suck. After over 10 years in this industry before switching to WFH, I have clear memories. But I’ve had a solid amount of time off to rest from that. And pizza is just pizza... If there’s a problem, it’s not regarding someone’s health or insurance like it was when I was a PT admin. We can just make a new pizza or refund their money. Also, I only want to do about 10-15 hours a week.

And yes I’ll have to give up some nights/weekends too. But it’s not supposed to be fun. Albeit there are things I miss about food service (if you can believe it lol), but I’m doing this for a reason. This is a situation I got myself into. And I’ve been in it for years. Enough!!

Anyway, hoping to go back to a place I liked for the most part, otherwise I’ll start applying to other places. Then the Dave Ramsey plan goes into effect.

#my first thought was actually to find a barista job but that's not as easy when i need evenings #bartending would be great pay but that's too crazy plus idk how to do it lol #plus too late at night #and i've heard too many horror stories from the waitstaff industry #(the pizza place i'm applying to is fast casual)#just regular food service/retail will be good #mine #personal fitblr #debt #debt recovery #credit card debt #dave ramsey #total money makeover

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mbrainspaz · 2 years

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talking to corporate boss lady be like

her: No you can't work overtime and we can't afford any more employees. Just get all your work done on time.

me: The work being caring for two dozen high maintenance horses in an unprecedented heatwave with only two other employees who're both recently injured? That work?

her: If you can't handle all your tasks on time just do them faster.

me: I've made a few innovations where I could but it would be physically impossible for anybody to work faster, except by doing the work worse. We don't want to do that, see, because then the boarders will get upset and you'll have even less money.

her: If you can't figure it out just ask me for suggestions on how to work faster.

me: Hit me (babey one more time).

her: Well you see if you walk all the way to the back of the property and fetch the furthest horses first, and then work your way forward to the closest ones, that will save time.

me: Brilliant. Literally does nothing to decrease the walking time or distance for anyone but what a wonderful idea it was. We're already doing that.

her: Here's another one— you should split up and each tackle different tasks at the same time.

me: Wow, I can see why you're the one making enough to afford a family and vacations. We already do that too.

her: ....

me: ....

her: Stop logging overtime you ignorant peasant.

me: I'm literally only asking to be paid for 40 hours a week, please stop calling me lazy and stupid between every doordash order from your air conditioned office.

#life of a texan peasant #i’m a 30 year old with management experience not a 5 year old at daycare but go off i guess boss #barely hyperbole #dialogue from memory #corporate american hellscape #things that happened

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nickgerlich · 1 year

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Young Guns

I suppose it is just intrinsically human to consider your generational cohort the best that ever was, and to be dismissive of all those coming along after you. Oddly, we become more accepting of the ones before us, if only because we have started to grow old ourselves, able to see a little more clearly.

And so we mock the music our successors find appealing, knowing full well that our parents (I am speaking of mine right now) hated rock-n-roll with a fervor. We mock their clothing, their hair styles, their desire to DoorDash everything, and the amount of time they spend on their phones doing everything else.

Of course, my people are called “Boomer" with ridicule and scorn, not a whole lot different from the hatred we lobbed at our parents. It’s normal, remember, even though that alone does not make it right.  

With COVID slipping ever farther into the rear view (aside from a nagging number of cases still being reported), shoppers have returned to BAM stores. Well, except for Millennials, who reported in a recent survey that nearly three-quarters plan to maintain or increase their online shopping in the years ahead.  

That’s probably not too much of a problem for mainstream retailers in the short-run, but as Millennials assume the roles that Gen-Xers and Boomers are in today, it could spell long-term problems. That’s another way of saying once the crusty old curmudgeons are gone, it could be tough sledding for BAM retailers.

I get all the intergenerational complaining, too, but I am blessed to be surrounded by young adults all the time in my profession. Not everyone can say that. I embrace the changes around me, but others less fortunate than me may not be so quick to hitch their wagons to the engine we call Change.

I prefer to go with the 1980-1996 time frame for Millennial membership, although there is not 100% agreement on this. It was only about a decade ago that the cut point was moved from 1998 back to 1996, which left my oldest daughter sorely disappointed. She is now a Gen-Z, although she lives and shops like a Millennial. Those on the cusp, either beginning or end, may exhibit traits of the other generation nearby.

The jury is out yet on Gen-Z, many of whom have not yet become shoppers in the adult sense of the word. If I had to bet, they will leave their Millennial brothers and sisters in the dust and do even more shopping online. Remember, these are the true digital natives, humans whom have known only one way of life thus far. They could have easily been born with a smartphone or computer mouse in their hand.

Given that the oldest Millennial—using the generally agreed-upon definition—is turning 43 this year, it means that this group is at or near their peak consumption years. Once you hit 60 and/or have an empty nest, consumption starts to decline, from the houses we buy, to the things we put in it. And if Millennials are inclined to continue shopping online without a thought, it means that retailers need to start planning for the declining emphasis on their actual shops.

I foresee, as we have discussed previously, more empty malls, and quite possibly standalone and strip mall shops as well. Vast ghost towns of commercial structures may blight our city streets.

It is a fool’s errand for any generation to expect subsequent ones to act just like them. You will fail, no matter how much you gripe about the ways they have chosen to define their generation. In other words, give it up. My generation has had its time in the sun. In fact, I’m pretty sure that we Boomers have enjoyed being the darlings of society ever since we were born.

After all, we broke all previous—and future—records for percentage growth rate. But that does not mean we are the kings and queens of our culture. We may be in the lofty position of owning much of our nation’s wealth right now, but that too will pass when we bequeath it to our heirs.

It just means there might be a lot of grumpy old men and women in the foreseeable future, bitching about how so many things have changed in their lives, and that things just aren’t the way they used to be. Get off their lawns, and turn down your music. Getting old sucks for sure, but your turn (I’m talking to my students now) will come and then you’ll be able to complain about all the younguns coming along.

Sure as the setting sun. 

Dr “Talkin’ About My Generation“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #online #shopping #e-commerce #Millennials

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pickledasparaguss · 3 months

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Virtually all marketing strategies seek to take advantage of human psychology. "Dark Patterns" in web and software designs are no different and need no regulation. - TECH BLOG POST 1

Before this class I would have never second guessed the information I was putting out online. There was one part in Woellner’s Ted Talk where she discussed how sometimes you don’t even have to type out your information when you’re signing up for something, sometimes it just automatically inserts the information in there for you. Allowing ourselves to become easily accessible to whatever form takes place on the other side of our screen has become a normal part of our everyday life in this day and age. I believe this has to do with the fact that digitalization and technology are here to make our lives easier in some capacity, so in order for our lives to become a bit less complicated, there’s a trade, that trade is our privacy. For some reason when I think about this idea the first thing that comes to my mind is Jean-Paul Sartre’s quote

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

I guess the reason why this quote comes to mind when I think about this topic is because although we are free to make our own choices, we are free to have such easy access to online browsers in order to alleviate stress and burdens in our everyday lives. We are also condemned to bear the responsibility of the consequences of these choices. We are condemned to understand that if we do take the risk of putting our private information out there, we must recognize the risks that accompany that.

The article I decided to check out from the list was the one about DoorDash and how the food app is now warning people that if they don’t tip, then their food may be cold. I decided to take a look at this article because I’ve BEEN having issues with DoorDash prior to reading up on this. Although I have always tipped with DoorDash, a part of me wants to order something right now as I’m writing this blog just to see if the apparent “Orders with no tip might take longer to get delivered — are you sure you want to continue?” message will pop up if I input a $0 tip.

As someone who works in the restaurant industry though, I understand where they're coming from. Personally, I make my living off my tips. However, I would never make someone feel bad for not tipping me, or deliver worse service. It’s not the drivers I have questions about with this but rather DoorDash itself considering I have tipped well and still have received my food an hour and a half later, on multiple occasions.

This reminded me of what Woellner was saying about how these designers, you know, trick you in a way to make you feel bad or manipulate you. I think this example with DoorDash hits a few, if not all of the 4 points Woellner was talking about when it comes to dark patterns. I would say misdirection and the trick question are the closest ones. DoorDash will add the service fees and taxes after the initial price, PLUS you’ll be asked to tip on top of the already pretty high price. Then the “trick question” being “well are you sure you don’t want to tip? Your foods gonna get cold if you don’t.” So even if you don’t feel bad for the driver, they’re putting the onus onto the person ordering the food.

Returning to the proposition, I would agree that yes, marketing strategies are known for taking advantage of human psychology because at the end of the day that’s what sells, may not be completely ethical, but if you can target a certain amount of people in order to gain profit and you can do that through algorithms and other dark pattern strategies and marketers have that option then it’s going to happen whether we like it or not.

However, I think because we’re entering a whole new space in regards to technology, our world is becoming much more digitally advanced, far more than I think anyone, at least anyone I know, can comprehend. Saying that these software designs don’t require any regulation would be naive, because really, how can we be so sure that something so easily and globally accessible yet difficult to grasp is safe? We can’t. But that does bring up the next question which is even if we could get a hold on everything and create regulations, how would those regulations look? Would it even be possible especially with such algorithmic yet extremely popular websites like tik tok or instagram.

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

We have the freedom to do and say and post what we’d like, but we must be aware of our digital footprint and the complications that may arise with it. I believe regulations, especially with how advanced technology is becoming is important, but the truth of the matter is there’s bad people everywhere that will try and continue to scam, belittle, and manipulate you, and hey, they could be in person or online. The most important thing is to be conscious about what you are viewing, what kind of information you’re giving out, and who there is to trust.

#pickledasparagusout

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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4/15/23

Today was pretty cool. It was really warm out for the second day in a row. I found myself doing more animation work. Like... 3 hours straight after yoga. Like... I woke up, did yoga, got food and coffee and just immediately started working. And I had to stop myself because it was just too nice out.

I showered, put on shorts and a sleeveless shirt for the first time in ages, and went for a walk. I found a "nature trail" about a block away from my place. It's not much, but there are actual woods there, so... can't really complain. It made me miss the river back near my old place. But it's right on a river itself, so it's cool in its own right. There were lots of downed trees, lots of wood around. It started sparking inspiration... Lots of clearings, too. I'm really tempted to do another nature installation. This one is a much higher trafficked area. I also was inspired to maybe see if I could gather natural wood over there and bring it back for carving and building basic furniture. Could be cool. It's just a bit of a walk to be hauling big pieces of wood.

I did about a half hour walk, maybe less. It was nice though. Just put in the AirPods and popped on my shoes (which is very foreign to me for hiking, usually I just go barefoot and no headphones, but... city... you know?) and went for it. I even ordered a pizza for delivery before heading out, so I would have dinner not long after getting home. But man, these Doordash fees are getting fucking ridiculous, I swear. Fees, fees and tip like... doubled the price. Shits getting out of control.

There's a bird singing outside my window. It's very confusing. I just got a super strong urge to rush to bed, because that sound when I physically feel like this is like... 99% of the time indicative that it is dawn and I'm up too late again. Something must be upsetting it or something. I wish I knew birdcalls better, this one is super familiar but I don't know what bird it is. I'm gonna look up the usual suspects. Welp, I even installed an app and had no luck. I'll have to figure it out some other time when it's not 3:45 AM. Weird. Maybe it happens often and I just didn't notice because this is the first night my window is actually open...

It was nice to get out. I was only anxious anticipating, really. There were two moments when I was a little anxious out ther, when I was first approaching the woods, because... what if I get mugged or whatever. But someone else went in on a walk ahead of me, and he didn't look sketchy so... it was all good, I guess. And then taking a different trail out of the woods, again, anxious about being alone and getting mugged. I swear, I'm just obsessed with this. It's like my only fucking fear. I get these intricate anxious narratives like "they're gonna pull a gun on you and make you give them your keyfob, then tell them what building you live in and what unit, and they're gonna go clean you out. All your precious possessions, the only relics of your past, all filtered into the most important and meaningful things after the move, those that can be flipped for cash will be gone forever." So, what did I do with that anxiety? I went... "okay... well... if that happens... I'll just call my landlord and tell them what happened, and go from there. I mean, if that were to happen, I have a description of the person and I know exactly where they're going... And I'm a block away from a police station." It worked pretty well.

It's so odd. When my landlords back in my old area told me there was someone confirmed robbing houses in my neighborhood, in a place without a police presence... I didn't really have that much anxiety.

Oh shit... I know what it is. I didn't even have to type "I don't know why..." I figured it out way quicker. I had a dog back then. I had my other half, my German Shepherd. I was good. That's what changed. Fuck. That made my heart sink.

I miss my girls a lot.

So yeah, I guess that's why I'm so anxious lately, specifically about home security. Like... I was never afraid of people robbing me when I went out walking with my dog... and, oddly... I wasn't even afraid of people robbing me when she wasn't even with me. I just feel much more alone and vulnerable without her having my back and holding down the fort. Wow... fuck... it's gonna be a year since she passed soon. Wow. That went by real fast. Fuck, man. Just like a month and a half.

On the plus side, being around people didn't freak me out. They were all like... normal. College kids. Some mid-20's chicks dressed up and going out for drinks. People walking their dogs. Other people out for a walk. No crazy hobo with a shank trying to steal my phone. No one shooting up heroin behind a tree. No gangster with a gun trying to jack my AirPods and get access to my building. Just people.

In fact, seeing college kids standing in a group on a bridge really brought me back to when I was in college. Back in the Obama administration... The first one, I think... And I empathized, and it made me kinda remember that level of comfort in public. It's been a long time. It's been a long time since I was part of a group of peers. That feeling just feels so far out of reach for me. I don't feel like I'm like anyone around me.

I'm in my... I guess technically late-30's now. I'm single, never married - in hindsight, thank god, given my ex... No kids. I live alone. I'm an artist, and I have no idea how to integrate that into society, and I am way too stubborn and obsessed with my process to really figure it out. I struggle to leave my apartment. Hell, now that I say that part, maybe there are people like me around... and I'd have no idea, because either I don't leave my apartment, or they don't leave theirs!

I was walking over by the river and kinda... turned a camera back on myself. I do that sometimes in my head, like in a video game when you go idle and the camera goes 3rd person and swings around in cinematic mode? And I looked at myself. In the awkward phase of going from a shaved head to growing out hair (doctor's orders), at least an inch long beard now, sleeveless metal band t-shirt, camo shorts, tattoos, hemp jewelry with stones and beads, skate shoes. Walking with crappy posture, but actively trying to straighten my back and walk upright, yet relax my shoulders so it's not too obvious. Half for health, half to hide the beginnings of a gut that I have formed for the first time in my life.

And I ask myself... am I the sketchy one? Or am I the cool one? I can't even tell anymore. Or, to others, am I just another dude? I mean, in my head, I feel like I look like I'm in a band or something. Which is cool. I dunno. Lack of perspective makes that a never-ending guessing game.

I just wanted to share that moment, the 3rd person camera moment, because it's sticking with me. I've been doing that a lot lately. There are times when it makes me really self-conscious, and it can be really self-critical, but there are also times when it becomes really... self-affirming. Like "I look really cool today" or something. And it helps me ground in the actuality of my situation, rather than just raw, unrefined, unchecked feelings, assumptions and extrapolations.

As someone who hasn't posted a selfie on social media since 2016... it's very refreshing to look at myself in that way. And very alien.

God... I must be so strange to 90% of you. I haven't had a personal social media account in almost 7 years. Facebook, Insta, Twitter, any of it. Reddit is the only survivor, and I very rarely use it, and haven't posted on it in... probably 4 years? And only in support groups. Never like... status updates and pictures of my vacation or family or whatever. That whole culture is so far away, it's so foreign.

In fact, every time I'm over with my brother (which hasn't happened in a long time, I should check in with them...) they're always breaking out the camera and filming and taking pictures and sending them to tons of people. To the point where the kid is like... trained. He loves the camera, he loves posing and being playful. So when he sees the phone come out and get pointed at him, he gets super excited. That whole culture, that whole idea, it's so... so... foreign. Every time he'd go for a picture it was like... "oh shit, I have to remember how to do this..." And seeing a picture with me in it? After like... that many years?! Dude, my dating profiles have pictures that are embarrassingly old on them, to the point where I'm afraid of coming off as misleading. One from the pandemic was the most recent, one snowskating in 2019, an older one with my cat, shit like that. Because I just... because no one has taken a picture of me in like 5 years. People just... don't take pictures of me, and I don't take pictures of myself. My older brother was the first person to take a picture of me just for the sake of taking a picture since 2018, I think? That shit is depressing.

Okay, huge tangent over because I need to get to bed.

With the project, I figured out the problem with the animation. It was exported at 24 fps instead of 60 so it was running really really fast. So... I went in and adjusted the fps and the time, and then... had some creative ideas. I wanted to add in little tracker balls that basically led ahead and painted the paths. The idea was simple enough and actually pretty easy to execute once I figured out the process. Just opacity fade in, blur effect with an f-curve noise modifier, have it follow the path of the stroke for each path. Easy enough. The only catch was, the stroke build isn't an even build, so I have been timing the ball animation basically frame by frame. For 40 of them. And pretty much most of my day was that. And I still have 60 left. But 1) it looks really cool, 2) it adds a lot to the animation, 3) as I go along, the build speed gets faster, so what was a 100 frame build for one path in the beginning will be a 10 frame build for the last 40 or so.

So... progress! After that, I just need footage from hiking in the woods, which I can apparently do basically in my "backyard" if I so choose... and that other custom animation stuff that's gonna be super time consuming, but I can figure something out. Maybe I can do like... a whiteboard looking thing and just draw my thoughts like I'm brainstorming, rather than making an actual mockup. That might work...

Okay, bedtime.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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