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ladybuggirl123 · 11 months

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The Ultimate Comprehensive Taxonomy Of The Friendship Breakup

After my last post I promised I would write something less terminally online.

A running theme in literally anything i’ve ever created is adolescence/growing pains/late stage youth etc. 11 yr old me probably thought I would be somewhat done growing up by now, but -as cliche as it sounds, I’ve barely begun. (I know, I’m sorry)

The hardest part of acting my big age is letting go of situations and people that no longer serve me. I love to wallow in nostalgia. If I could live inside of a memory instead of experiencing new and unfamiliar horrors everyday I would. Unfortunately, nothing can remain as it is in the present forever, and the relationships, places and physical manifestations of myself I have grown accustomed to could cease to exist at any moment.

This is something I find pretty easy to make peace with as far as romantic relationships go, but a friendship breakup is a whole other beast. As a romantic, yet flighty, and emotionally immature 21 yr old teenage girl I’m pretty aware I can’t rely on any of my sexual or romantic entanglements to last forever. So much so to the point where I can be extremely avoidant or self-sabotogical in these situations. However, I find it almost too easy to blindly trust that my platonic friendships will last and fulfill me forever. Maybe this is unhealthy… maybe it’s fine… doesn’t matter because that’s not what we are here to discuss.

Ultimately sometimes your friends leave, or you have to leave your friends, or it turns out someone you thought was your friend was never your friend at all. These dynamics and more we will explore today in my taxonomy of the friendship breakup. 😁

BREAKUP #1 “The Robert Frost”

This is probably the least emotionally disregulative breakup. Sometimes the girlies grow apart, sometimes two roads diverge in a yellow wood and you simply cannot travel both. Usually in this situation bridges aren’t burned and you still get to cheer on your ex bestie from the sidelines (liking their instagram story), and maybe someday your paths may cross again….

BREAKUP #2 “The Jekyll and Hyde”

Sometimes overnight and without warning your OOMF turns into your OOME. Maybe you saw this coming, maybe you were completely blindsided like sandra bullock (idk i didn’t see the movie). Regardless, this friendship breakup can have you questioning everything. Did they see you as a close friend the same way you saw them? Should you be more choosy about the people you let in close? Will you ever get the money you dropped on Car Seat Headrest tickets back? Inconclusive.

The important thing to remember in this situation is that if this person is a genuine shithead, the only thing you’ll miss about this friendship is the qualities the other person brought out in you. The best part is now that you’ve been made aware of these qualities you can call them forward at anytime + you don’t have to have a dumb snatchwhore bringing down your ethereal vibes.

BREAKUP # 3 “The Dorian Gray”

Most frequently seen in friendships between the mentally ill, the Dorian Gray can occur when one party cannot keep up with the other’s debauched lifestyle. I cannot speak on the experience of Dorian Graying another person (although I’m sure I’ve done it to a boring bitch or two), but I have been through my own personal Dorian Grayification a few times.

At first you are drawn in by the nonchalance and carefree attitude of your new friend. “How do they relate so heavily to what I’ve been through all while seeming so much cooler and more put together than I ever could?”, you may ask yourself. The answer is sex, drugs, and rock and roll music.

You’ll hang around them more and more and become cooler by proxy. Until one day you wake up in the middle of a 2 month long kratom bender, your joints ache every time you sneeze, your coughing blood into a handkerchief like it’s 1895, and your fighting homeless people in the park for $50 a win every Thursday night. Meanwhile, your friend’s skin is clearer than ever, they just started contributing 40% of their income to their roth ira, and they recently took up barre method classes.

These people don’t die. There is something different about them. You however, are a mere mortal and need to run away as quickly as possible before your life story becomes the source material for the next Harmony Korine film.

BREAKUP #4 “The Horror Movie” alternatively “DONT FUCK UR FRIENDS AT 4am GONE WRONG. GONE SEXUAL. SHE CRIED??!!????!”

Oops!!! You accidentally s*cked ur friends d*ck, or l*cked their cl*t or a*e their a*s, NOW WHAT?

Unfortunately for me, I have found myself in this situation multiple times. Because -as my ex therapist put it- I need to “work on being less seductive in inappropriate situations”. Whatever. If you are well adjusted in anyway this could be the beginning of a beautiful romantic relationship, but if you are anything like me it is the beginning of the end.

Shit gets awkward. One, or both of you will pull away or completely detach from the friendship. All the while pretending everything is perfectly fine. All this pain and suffering created because you liked each other a little too much and you’re just a little too sexy.

The only advice I really have is to think really hard before sleeping with a close friend… I guess. Or don’t cause low key it’s fun but I didn’t have to tell you that.

Look- sometimes as human beings we are over taken by horny demons, but what separates us from chimpanzees is we can fight those demons. So stop chimping out and don’t take your friendships for granted you sexy little minx.

BREAKUP # 5 “The Radiohead” (udoit2urself) (sorry this is the only title idea i had)

Well it had to happen at some point. You can’t be the victim your whole life (just most of it). Sometimes the breakup is irrefutably your fault and you are the bad guy. At least you recognize it!! Maybe you won’t make the same mistake ever again or- maybe you will.

You basically have two choices: to let the friendship dissolve or to try and salvage it. You are already a huge asshole right now, so try to be completely unselfish for one moment in your miserable life. What’s best for the other party? What makes the most sense in the grand scheme of things?

If you are letting it be you again have two choices: to apologize or to not. Sometimes you are going to act like such a huge cunt that genuinely, for your ex friends peace, you should never speak to them again. Most of the time a well thought out apology goes a long way.

If you want to make things work again, it’s going to be on the other person’s terms. There’s a chance they won’t want to be your friend ever again, and if they do want to be your friend you’re not going to pick things up where they left off. It takes time to rebuild trust, it can sometimes take years to regain the closeness you had before.

On the bright side, a friendship empire that has fallen and been rebuilt is one of the strongest forces known to man. It provides pretty solid evidence that you have each other’s best interest in mind even when you disagree or don’t get along.

xxxxxxxxx

I’m not really sure how to close this. There isn’t a lot I could say to spin anyone leaving your life before you are ready to let go into a good thing. I think we all struggle to deal with the fact that we can’t control how other people perceive or treat us.

I guess over time your biggest interpersonal tragedies can turn into your funniest dinner party stories (or bits for your therapist [so you can win therapy by being their most hilarious client]), and all the good memories you have that sting to recall become more like snapshots of your past self as you continue to evolve and change. In the meantime… journal, listen to a podcast have a glass of wine (why do I sound like a millennial.. I’m sure I have the same coping skills as Lena Dunham) and listen to Supercut on repeat. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself for mourning a platonic breakup sometimes more deeply than a romantic one, you just have to ride it out bro. ur gonna be ok.

Much love,

Logan

#virgin suicides #pulp fiction #chloe sevigny #girl interrupted #girl blog #taxonomy #sadgirl #lana del rey #lordemusic

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mariska · 7 days

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OH omg the other thing too about. rewatching the entirety of ATLA this month as someone who was a huge fan of it in my childhood as the episodes originally aired. is that watching it now, age 27, approx. 20-ish years later. was recognizing pretty much immediately on episode 1 that Aang is so incredibly adhd coded (i have no idea if that was intentional or not by the writers/creators pls do not quote me on that statement lol) and it now makes such clear perfect sense to me as an adult why i always loved him as a character and as one of the main characters in the show as a kid.

cus like. i have always been a huge lesbian, obviously, even though it took me a lil while to realize that in young adulthood, so as a kid my All Time Fav avatar characters were the girls. and very rarely did i like. truly genuinely care and admire and hyperfixate on boy protags of media i loved as a kid, but being unknowingly at the time an adhd autistic kid and struggling to just get through daily life in school and stuff in a way that was at all similar to my peers, i absolutely loved Aang as a character the same amount as i did for like Katara and Toph and Ty Lee and Azula and Suki and etc etc. and it really is a strange surreal and comforting kind of feeling to rewatch his whole hero's journey now in the later half of my 20's and see my 7/8-to-11 year old self in like So So Much Of His Whole Personality And Actions.

like OF COURSE he was such a big comfort character to me back then, i was coming home from school absolutely exhausted from masking and misunderstanding lessons that were not being taught to me in ways i could properly learn and comprehend and incredibly anxious and stressed from the physical and emotional toll of it all, completely unable to even verbally communicate any of those feelings properly to my moms or other adults in my life because i had no real words or terms to describe it with then, but knowing a new avatar episode was gonna be on tv later and always feeling like everything might be ok cus those guys are my friends and i feel so happy when i see them again and that little boy acts just like me and he's not a failure or a freak or anything awful, he's a hero and a leader and a good person and his friends love him for who he is even though he doesn't have the strongest attention span sometimes and struggles to learn the things he needs to learn in life and would rather spend time having fun with the people he cares about than carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. and he is still celebrated for all of that. which is like. all i wanted back then. to be loved and appreciated and respected and celebrated not despite of my neurodivergence and differences, but because of them, because it made me unique and it shaped who i was and why i did everything the way i did it and how i viewed the world around me.

like. idk if any of that makes proper sense typed out lmao it sounds more clear in my head but. yknow??? idk. theres just something abt watching media that originally meant Everything to me during a time in my life when i had no proper words to help me understand why i felt so incredibly different and strange and Bad as opposed to the other ppl my age around me and feeling the same connection to that character and his story and his personality at 27 yrs old as i did at 7 yrs old. some of those episodes really left me feeling like i went back in a time machine to give my kid-self a big hug. the little mini arc in the 3rd season with Aang going to that fire nation school while they're all undercover was like ESPECIALLY Hitting Me Like A Big Ass Truck, that was like a barely even fictional re-telling of my never fully finished public school experience it was really wild watching it again now so many yrs later. i think Aang is really one of my favorite media protagonists of all time. 🥺

#ANYWAYS. SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE. I HAVE. ADHD. AS MENTIONED. HDJSDHSHAHDGDNDHG

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rennyji · 4 months

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(Updated midway with a section on January 18, 2024 11:10 PM)

my tale, written between Sunday and Monday of 2024 - hopefully the last of it

How many lives have to be ruined for national security or whatever the visible or invisible government plans are (you might not even realize the government is involved), be it with brain mapping or something else?

So what can I intuit about my situation, from just being in it over several years, with the presence of not just my own life as a variable, but everyone and thing I come across?-

- There seems 2 be a similarity 2 a show 4 troubled kids I think I saw in passing, as I went upstairs, in my old house, where I remember mom saying harshly: some deserve it. It struck me @ time or was an ominous moment, b/c I was having trouble w/my parents believing me, 16 yrs ago, that I sensed trouble in my environment.-

- the show for troubled kids investigates troubled youth by likely victims of helicopter parenting.-

- 4 exposing children of these parents, if there is alleged drug use or some 1950s style of culture/behavior disagreement (b/c we live in day and age of legal cannabis use/House of Reps on verge of fist fights/plane doors flowing off in 2023-24 amidst modern day of supposed advanced tech), the show profits over putting them on TV, for the world to humiliate them. Yeah, they clearly don’t have the capacity to think farther in2the lives of already troubled youth that they broadcast.-

- over everyday nuances, just by being alive in this, I realize 1 or more levels of orchestrators look 2 expose me in vulnerable states. From things said in passing by Drs-w/o much info directly from me-like “being engrossed in appearance,” U suspect w/o interference 2 your functioning, the show for troubled kids probably shows you with acne spot treatment in the house. Meanwhile, the government may seize awkward moments like these to take away credibility and following of an individual, by allowing them to be made into a fool, spanning years. But that’s a separate point. -

-upon realizing these things or aware of possibilities, U think of ways 2 cope, in what should be sanctity of ur home. (At time of proofreading this, I'm hearing Nikki Haley's Town Hall: saying "we are a country of laws." I like what she's doing, but my life is testament to this not being a country of laws.) What do I do to deal with the very real possibility of being constantly on spot? You do things like walking around in ur boxers. The rationalization is, the perpetrators relaying ur life are exposed as that much much more scum, cuz ur depicted in an indecent manner. Doing these kind of things gives some sense of self defense, when someone else is on the offensive against you, without reason, through something like the show for troubled kids. Now there could be the real show for troubled kids. Or it could be an independent program that adopts the theme of a troubled kids show. If its through the theme route, it could be some cr*p about mind reading making someone naked in perception. However it may have arrived in my life, the literal or metaphorical troubled kids show probably didn’t find anything bad, in the life of my youth.-

- so, I’m just assuming they now need a way to justify their presence. They also want to cash in for spying on me. Maybe, to cover both those things, they see opportunity. They think maybe they'll show how good a person actually is, which is the opposite of what they normally do. and then as the years go by, for whatever reason that wasn't working out for them, they return back to: how bad, now an adult, is, through psychological abuse from treating him as a child. Maybe show for troubled kids was additionally ambitious to expand their reach to young adults or those 18 and above. Maybe they wanted to offer parents a way to snoop on their sons/daughters in the college life. And in something like that, they see a new way to make money-

***

---

To go on a tangent,

People see a doctor when they have something bothering them or affecting their functioning. Some people delay the visit to the doctor, whichever doctor, whatever the condition, for as long as possible. It’s an adult choice, for better or for worse.

For some reason, I’m seen as so ill, that my parents, at my 35 years of age, need to get involved, and there's this group of orchestrators, consisting of therapists in some shape or form, who see themselves as so saintly, that they “just” want to help me- but it’s not through the normal dynamic of face to face contact, where there’s mutual conversation. It’s them affecting the therapist you are seeing, and forcing them to convey their viewpoint and treatment. For talking about them and everything else, I was put through ECT or shock therapy, for the mentally ill, 20 times. Theyll say, while drugs like clozapine-like antipsychotics are diminishing my good judgment as well as the length of my situation is instilling desperation, it’s my fault "for going along" with the ECT. What happened to the "orchestrator overlords" and their pupeteering of my doctor/parents, in this regard? Knowing I’m aware of my situation and the chapter of my life before the Albany nonsense, was ECT (shock therapy) really necessary? But it’s a stupid world, and people, like those running it, are also stupid.

Does that make sense?!

(Now that I think of it, yeah, this definitely comes off as a show for troubled kids.)

The input, that the show for troubled kids, output to strangers, literally for entertainment, was from cameras spying on the victim, or the kids that they target. Now such shows, or maybe more specifically: such people - they now have the ultimate camera. They can see deep into a persons past - ammo given by the FBI and American government. I say FBI because I went to them, and instead of helping or acknowledging my situation, knowing I was into writing, they directed me to a financial internet crimes form that enabled unlimited updates. Was it something innocent or an honest mistake or something naively used to get rid of me, while I'm talking about stalkers and hacking?

Looking into my past, what was my biggest offense, to myself, my family, or others?

Out of their being nothing, are all the orchestrators just cherry picking what’s open to interpretation?

My parents can be: simply put: weird.

I remember an argument that was severe, with my parents, when I wanted a part time job in high school. My parents were furiously opposed, because that would mean I have money to possibly do something, for what counts as questionable to my parents. Strict parents.

I remember when I wanted to learn to drive. My parents see it as one more thing they need to worry about. They delayed me driving as much as possible, and gave me an endless hard time, tying in anxiety to the exacerbated experience.

Something else that happened during those years, Around that time, my mother broke her arm, by standing on a "tipping-over" milk carton, in our, then, backyard garden. My father somehow blamed me for the incident, as God and/or the devil, punishing the family, for a bad or disobedient son. But what did I do? I think around that time, I got a bad grade on a test or it was their lack of processing towards my frustration with their perception of me driving. Could it all have been cyclical nothing?

Now, I tend to get angry with my dad, in general, because it’s just hard being around him, because of his magical thinking. Recently, from his bedroom, I heard him talking to someone on the phone, saying: "all we can do is endure, and forgive in these situations. If we make any effort, we risk making it worse.”

It could be about anything. But the thing is, this statement is a testament to his beliefs.

Recently, I addressed how to pray. Prayer is a tool for us to be introspective and understand what our flaws are, and make an explicit effort to ask for help, in inhibiting those flaws. But it seems my dad doesn’t want to make the effort to realize flaws, from a belief God knows what flaws are and about everything, in general, and He'll just wave his finger and make flaws vanish. He thinks we just need to ask to be delivered from Satan. But part of the process of prayer is for "man, him/herself to realize" what's wanted, needed, and to be corrected. His belief system makes me angry. Is my situation, lasting this long, in part, because, he’s trying to hide his flaws, by pinning the attention on me and something like my eating habits in a stressful situation? The bigger question: Is my situation lasting this long, because dear old dad doesn’t want to creatively think outside the box and come up with something on his own, in place of a high level statement asking God to make problems disappear? Its like my parents don’t like actual and metaphorical effort. They think all they need to do is tell GOD to do the figuring and work for them, in place of the “doing your part” and then leaving God "to do the rest."

My parents mistake their part as throwing money to therapists and meds which they're not even sure, works. This is in part, because, they’re told to ignore me, when I talk about what I’m experiencing from "my SITUATION". This mode of action is encouraged by orchestrators, proxying through, and replacing: my therapists' actual diagnosis/opinions.

If its about mind readers showing how horrible mankind is, or a troubled kids show showing how horrible youth are: In my whole life, as the orchestrators have the record, what is my crime? It’s not because I’m a saint. If there's no detectable wrongdoing in my past, its because I had a purpose and a goal: to get through school, so that I can finally have a life and live life. I spent hours studying. Never opportunity for something bad.

You gotta ask: Did I shoplift, did I beat someone up, did I have sex in high school, have I ever done any illegal drug, have I drunk more than 10?! beers in my 35 years of existence, did I sneak out of the house in high school?, did I get bad grades, did I go to bars and party/use fake Ids, was I spending all my time hanging out with friends instead of prioritizing school, did I hit my parents?

Will my parents claim that I’m somehow mean to parents? What did I say, what did I do? What are the details/what are the specifics?

What's the conclusion we arrive at? The show for troubled kids basically saw an opportunity to extend their reach to 18+ year olds with "easy-to-manipulate" parents. They saw opportunity to go beyond cameras, and deep dive into someone’s past.

The troubled kids show, realizing nothing was wrong, again,from being over ambitious and legally concerned, make the decision to show how good I am.

--I think this is where I intended to "leave the tangent"...

In my Freshman years at Binghamton, as an engineering major, there was one guy, who was transferring as a computer science major to SUNY Stonybrook, who happen to tell me, in passing, "Don't ask me how, but you're going to be famous one day." Never second guessed it, as its a randm/odd thing to say to someone, but it paints a timeline. That was in 2006.

There was a day in maybe 2007, or maybe 2008, where I was talking across a library coffee shop with my parents about the difficulties of engineering and they were consoling me. Now I noticed something odd that I again put out of my mind for years, since there was no reason to keep thinking about it, then. The staff at the coffee shop, from across the distance to the lounge tables where we were seated, seemed glued and very much touched by a conversation that I didn't understand as audible to them. I've wondered how they could hear from the distance. Was some level of relaying happening then? - That kind of moments in time throws the Albany hacking, out of sorts, on the timeline.

I later transferred to SUNY Albany, in 2010, as a computer science major, after a failed attempt at engineering.

In this chapter the strange kids and SUNY Albany faculty get involved.

-around time of attempt @ engineering @ Binghamton, I was struggling b/c there wasn’t long term/stable/long lasting focus aid likeVyvanse. I kept failing @ whatever i endeavered, b/c my focus was that bad, I got thru high school b/c of rote learning-what Indians call mugging up.-

- around that time in Binghamton, there was girl I liked. With us Indians, we generally hang around other Indians. In big America, it’s hard to find someone attractive to your interests, with a small subset or minority of people.-

-& b/c I'm corny, I look 4 things like a smile I don’t have, or a name that flows w/mine. Now around that time, there were people seen around her, and this is in Binghamton, that seem 2 be present or similar in appearance 2 people Ive seen in Albany, when i embarked on comparatively easier computer science major at the institution-

-when I was in India, from 2013-2014, after I gave up enduring and trying to figure out the craziness happening in America, I saw some similar looking kids there too. Now in brown India, these American caucasian kids really stand out. I was going from place to place, like Albany/Indida because I just wanted peace of mind and the sanctity of my own apartment and a job to occupy my time.-

- Fast forward past my Albany time from 2010-2013, and then to during my India period from 2013-2014, there too: themes keep coming up. “Let’s get him out,” “he’s always working.” I took a coding bootcamp there, which I happen to ace and be first in my class, and the students of the camp say: " "They" said we have to irritate him to get him to react." I’ve bumped into people with these kind of impressions, and it gets worse: when they act on them. Then what complicates it more, is when ur Indian mother, wondering why ur not going to the Indian Church, also hears these things from people she thinks are part of your circle or world. Your parents hear from strangers, like a complaint, that your son is mean and anti-social. Because they're medically oriented, the think you have some fear of going outside...I mean you're not going out to their Church.

But what the SUNY Albany and parents, made a fool by these kids, didn’t realize, was that the stalkers kids meant “going out” in the colloquial or slang sense. They want to know why I’m not partying or hitting the bars, at a time when, I, am again, advancing in years. I think the stalker-kids are still going on about in the present day.-

- the miscommunication is that bad. I talked about strange kids being in pursuit of me. There are kids proxying between Suny Albany and my parents at that time from 2010-2013. When I mention strange kids saying abnormal things in my vicinity, for some reason, no 1 thought "those kids" are "these kids." -

- what complicates it further is: apparently the incentive of these kids to get me to go out is so that their friend can not be concerned with me and move onto other people. Complete and total nonsense and I'm telling my findings to family, doctors, police. They were influencing my reputation on an everyday level, as a person, not on a professional basis YET, or street reps-

-I’m sure, at this point, school was tired of the bull sh*t they got involved in, and then succumbed to a project, to indirectly deal with me, so that they look less foolish.

- now those kids and school are talking about crazy things like me not going out of my way to say hello to strangers, when they were the only ones trying to...I dunno...reach me for some unknown reason, from a distance.-

-if it sounds crazy or the wording sounds crazy, I'm talking about actual crazy people through convoluted descriptions about the unknown.

At Suny Albany, I had a popular twitter account w/ followers I gained thru marketing software. These strange kids and then the school, get the idea, that the twitter account, without a well known face, meant I’m famous.-Yeah it’s that stupid.-

- Struggling with ADD and a failed chapter with engineering, I stuck to myself and tried to finish my college chapter as soon as possible.-

-It was my second attempt at college. Before Vyvanse, I was someone who failed Java programming 3 times. In Albany, with Vyvanse, I got an "A" in Java, advanced Java programming, and TAed Java programming.-

- I was stretching my parents finances and I couldn’t afford screwing up computer science, as they also had to send my brother to college. Now the problem with the show for troubled kids, SUNY Albany faculty: is that they keep “interpreting my actions.” I have no idea Y I’m even in their radar. They're probably responsible for perceptions that I’m in Albany because I’m there to work. I kept talking to people who for some reason thought I was pursuing a grad degree or was done with school and working. But it could be my mature face, by which I mean old, and not a skinny teenager.-

- Now those kids, one of whom I saw or could’ve sworn I saw, in Binghamton, in Albany, and in India (sounding crazy, right), got involved with the show in Binghamton in some way. If that's true, real responsible of the show for troubled kids to not even vet who these kids are...you'd think a show for troubled kids would know troubled kids when they see it...but then this all could be happening or not happening...Then the next crazy thing happens.-

- I don’t know what the fire is, that's fueling these strange kids. People on campus seemed to be interested when I’d so much as walk with a girl, and the girl friend of one of my first set of roommates at Albany, was overly interested why I was in Albany. You start wondering, could this be even crazier. Its crazy to assume any of this, but this seems to build/snowball-

- were these kids spreading the next load of cr*p, that I left Binghamton from a broken heart or something? Why would I think such a thing. I kept seeing women in cars give actual expressions of "Don't go" and there "was" this interest in seeing me walk around women. Stupid nonsense. These are things a person has floating in their head. But who acts on these things. You keep ignoring.-

- but then the next crazy thing happens. There’s the show, the meddling kids, and when I reached Albany, there was a Professor Berg, A Professor Haas, and a Sys Admin (last name Augustine) who saw my open situation as a good opportunity to play with high level hacking tech. The reasoning? Whatever was making me visible, would also show the effect of their hack...(I'm kinda happy we're shifting to talking about the more morbid stuff now...)-

- the tech hacks, in a traditional sense, can display computer screen contents (maybe like a white web page with a square in the middle displaying my computer contents, the hacking tech can hack phones (I called the FBI, since they deal with hacking, and a member of the demographic I kept having run ins with, at Albany, said vehemently says "stop calling." Would the FBI abruptly say this?!).-

- Now this gets a level crazier. There’s something that can projects sounds and see through my eyes.-

-Ages ago, I’m assuming the kids, somehow knew I was watching "Silver Linings Playbook, and the kids think, or the kid like voices think, I’m the obsessed guy in the movie, and they were condescending about it conveying it to me. Obsessed on who? On someone I don't know? Obsessed on someone I had one conversation with? -- I can only assume as the list is small. Is this about someone from several years ago, and I'm dealing with kids related in some fashion, 3 or 4 years later? Why does any of this matter and what does this have to do with the show for troubled kids or the hacking, since my time at SUNY Albany? How the h*ll are these kids getting involved in everything? They output cr*p, but everyone uses them. On one occasion, I heard "What do you mean they don't know each other?!) Of all the things..."Silver Linings Playbook"? Where highlighted in relation, did I give a picture (like I had one?) indicating who you're thinking? Who would that person be to Albany-ites? Is this person famous to be known everywhere in some way? Who are you referring to and who do you think I'm connected with? Do I actually have stalkers, in strange kids, across time and places? Are they spreading things and blaming me? Am I famous? Shouldn't I know if I'm famous? Use the word: "famous" with a psychiatrist. All sounds crazy. More importantly, how do people recognize me in the city of Albany, where I've never been? Is there a picture of me going around? Are people alerted to my presence somehow? Am I on the mark when I suggest: "people are aware of me, when I'm on the road?" Can that statement or question be misconstrued in any other way?

If I'm hearing something, are other people hearing something different that I cannot hear? Are they able to hear what I'm hearing? Is the content different?-

-Again, Obsessed over who? When I was in Albany, I was occupied with the YMCA, eating at Chipotles, my own apartment, my part time jobs, and of course: college academics! Why would I on a normal day, have any type of following, and that too, if I’m minding my own business? Is that why my apparent stalkers are wondering why I'm never out, colloquially speaking? and this sentiment must grow. Under the assumption of troubled kids show, they're probably like bingo: we found something to use against him. The hackers amongst SUNY Albany faculty? They need me to write, speak, go out and about, so that they can perfect their mind reading/mind control technology. Yeah, I said it: mind reading/mind control technology. And it continues snowballing...because when things go unchecked without consequences, things snowball to something so unbelievable, anyone with a reputation, responsible, would want to hide it under a rug.-

- now there a lot of stress from all this floating in my mind .It made me lose my hair in a year. little hair I have is from a hair transplant in the front. Stress can make U look old. When everything’s going wrong, diet may not be best either. and then these retard kids open me to criticism with comments like "he was discovered"-

-what's worse, my environment at SUNY Albany gets hostile. As far as I know, I was minding my own business. I'm overly polite when I'm with strangers, because I just want to return home and attend to what I like or responsibility. While I"m driving to SUNY Albany, on the day of 3 final exams in the year of 2012, the neighborhood kids waiting for the school bus seem on the alert. I hear someone in my apartment parking lot say maliciously: "Have a good day!" You wonder: if it's an auditory hallucination, how loud can a hallucination be? Can be like a megaphone in the midst of your apartment complex's parking lot? During my exams, in my exam rooms, outside my exam rooms, chaos ensues. While I'm walking to my exams, there seem to be faculty lined up along the way with phones, like they know they need to watch out for me. Did the world just end and decide to make me look crazy? During my first exam, something suspicious happens. I start twitching from bordering two realities in my situation. My professor sees this from the front of the lecture hall and alerts a student adjacent to me, "Get a drink of water." The student didn't ask. He's told. He goes outside, my professor looks at me like "look what you did", and I hear the guy telling people outside: "Enough, he crying." From the stress, I couldn't finish my exam. My professor allows me to finish an exam I didn't finish (who does this for no reason) in a conference room in the computer science department. I'm there with a TA watching me. From outside the door where you can see shadows through the screen, my professor, a professor with a limp, and the department secretary break into conversation. They say "is he okay? I don't know what's wrong with that kid; must be on drugs. Everyone is trying to help him." The TA is in the room with me. He's pale in complexion. I ask him if he heard the professors. He turns visibly red and tells me to focus on my exam. Once I leave the room, there's the ever suspicious Professor, I never had for a class: George Berg walking, disturbed, in the opposite direction.

Some time after, when I'm in my studio apartment in Albany, I’m watching “Being John Malkovich,” and I heard a claim that someone was somehow seeing what I was eyeing, by being in my head, like in the movie: "Being John Malkovich."- Were they trying to make me go crazy?

- Fast forward years later, I’m so furious with my situation, I punch a hole in my bedroom wall (Normal adult guy things, but I’m in a situation where I’m constantly depicted as aggressive & mean, all w/o evidence or basis), and I hear my mom walking towards my room. She stops midway/abruptaly. I get sense “something is seeing thru my eyes" and warns her from coming any further. I get a sense of the much denied: “remote viewing” done by governments.-

- Google “remote viewing” by governments or see my earlier posts. Now, going back to the story: I'm still in Albany, because I’m a computer science/"attempt-at-engineering" guy. But while I was engineering in Binghamton, 2-3 years before my time specified incident in Albany, I was part of the IEEE engineering organization & received their magazines. Their magazines are about the latest tech. 1 day, in magazines that I barely read, I saw a page on wireless hacking w/waves. If nothing, this opens my mind to what's possible and becomes remembered years later.-

- again things floating through a persons mind, that pop up in ur head, during impossible life circumstances. There was just a growing amount of proof about wireless wave hacking, troubled kid shows,-

-and remember: I mentioned these 3 comp sci faculty at SUNY Albany. They have some kind of toy, that they decided to use on me, while I was writing to twitter.- probably to verify that their tech worked by seeing what I outputted to twitter and what's visible to whatever program, focused on me, was happening at the time-

- I hear something about stolen tech, from...wait for the crazy: projected sounds! apparently, while someone’s in Germany, they stole or made a copy of something that gives hacking power on one or more levels. Now, if that's getting mixed up in my already convoluted snowballing situation, the argument that follows is someone trying to justify use of that or legalize it. Everything happening then till now, I explain with what I know and observe.

- The faculty with the tech were never my professors. So they probably thought I wouldn’t recognize their voices. The faculty were all in on it.

- Around this time in Albany, there’s news about anonymous social networking, while a school organizes to give me a day of h*ll in 2012. On the news, the NSA is talking about data collection. Someone at the FBI-when I tell them about all the oddities in my situation directs me to an unlimited complaint form: the IC3. So now I'm getting facts or perceived facts and a resource. Now remember, I mentioned three comp sci faculty at SUNY Albany. On certain days, when I’d write, a Professor Haas walks “past” the the student lounge I’m located in, and says “he doesn’t know if it’s the FBI or us, helping him.

-I still dont' get the obsession over "help" and what the "help" was about. I've said, if people are with me, why aren't they "with" me? I mean where are they? Why is no one talking to me?

- when I try 2 explain my situation, in all its angles on a complaint form, Professor Berg, on one occasion, does what all the faculty at the school does. While “in my direction/vicinity, he says “oh we we helped ‘them” we went in the wrong direction. people are so stupid. I got an idea to show how foolish people are. It’s going to be scary.” -

- now in his random message, that he says close to me, so that I can hear it, and maybe expected to read into it, probably to make me look crazy and save the reputation of the school, he says the word “them.” I’m getting repeated signs and confirmations pointing to strange kids again. And how do you react to strange professors you never had, not talking to you, in a one to one, but around you from a distance, so. you can hear.

I confronted the VP of the school about what I perceived. He said I was crazy. The school is a community. When it failed with the VP, I tried talking to the President of the school. For trying to talk to him, I was "put on disciplinary probation." The accusation was "I"m pursuing the president." Pursuing the president? Sounds like, because the school is a community, and the President was retiring, they didn't want me to mix the retiring President of the University with my escalating randomness. This could be one more reason whatever show I'm in, adopts a troubled kids theme. It could all be rooted in SUNY Albany. They hated me because they thought "who does this guy think he is, wanting to talk to the VP of Student Affairs or the President of the school." This could have been all that's needed to set the orchestrators on my tail with a spirit of vengeance.

- as my time in Albany progresses, I get a sense of some kids that I think are involved as the stalker kids I'm theorizing on. On one occasion, when I write about kids that I think R involved, through description about them or what classes they’re in, the school narrows these nameless kids and alerts them. Then I see them walk past me angrily. And if I say that I’m seeing and hearing unknown nameless kids, I’ll be viewed as crazy. On another occasion, I kind of become like a detective with that unlimited FBI internet hacking complaint form. I give my profile of certain professors I think are in on what's going on. The very next day, some of them walk past me, saying "Now our names are on "that thing." I mean ... I didn't say anything bad...Could all this be a hallucination, in its complexity, in the various people I never had contact with? For that professor to be irritated her name is on "That thing", it could be that the faculty member with the stolen hacking tech is lying about or carelessly reading what I wrote about the faculty. Maybe he or they are trying to involve more people at the school.-

- while describing my situation & what it’s coming off as, from what I’m seeing daily, over 3 years, from 2010-2013 at Albany, at about that time, Professor George Berg gets excited one day. He seems to suspect that I’m picking up on sounds he’s projecting to me, from what I'm writing on my FBI complaint form. I see him one day, excitedly going2 tell some1.-

- now again putting two and two together, I suspected he’s going to school of nanoscale engineering. That’s the only properly run portion of SUNY Albany and the most techy. Professor Haas walks by on another day, when I say stop hacking me on the complaint form, "The Freedom of Information Act" allows it. If I was hallucinating, how would I know about the "Freedom of Information Act?" Was it in my Google searches? Doesn't the actual FBI keep track of such things? or doesn't the NSA keep track of cell phone records. So I google it and the indirect dialogue continue between me and the computer science faculty. I realize, from memory, the Freedom of Information Act has Exemptions. I think I highlighted Exception 3. When I did, I indicated they can't hack and relay me. I was talking about perceived slander because something was making me notable in people's eyes or hostile towards me. I google and realize, if I'm notable, with or without knowing it, then slander becomes libel. Somewhere along the lines, I hear things about brain mapping.-

- I go 4 doctor visits & learn about fMRIs. I realized a crude form of mind reading & mind control can be accomplished, by mapping the brain, detecting which emotions light up to projected sounds/speech, and that you can recording things said externally in my head and then try to detect it.-

-The FBI directed me to an unlimited complaint form, where when I wrote, the audible orchestrators are getting excited and encourage repeated use, which one could intuit is to understand my speech and thinking. When I worked for PepsiCo, they instigate confrontations with-

- manager and me, where he’s told one thing and I’m directed another way, and they try to create situations where long emails are written or constant self defense conversations are given.-

- what the American government and FBI did, was provide a way for the show, the kids, and SUNY Albany, to get as much ammo on me to save them, by giving the very people I complained about, keys to my head. Why won't they save me?

- clearly when a group of white kids, with black faculty, at a school, and the local FBi office in Bethlehem(in the district of Albany, NY), want to rain h*ll on a brown man from NYC, they get the approval, and, not for 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, but something around 16 years.

- you wanna know something interesting amidst all this brain mapping/ mind reading situation? One of faculty who’d “say things in my vicinity” to, probably, make me look crazy, to at least my parents and doctors, a Professor Haas, happen to have died of a brain aneurysm. Coincidence? Death from something in the brain? When I'm involved in a brain mapping/brain wave project?-

- did professor haas die as consequence 4 letting enough info spill?It’s sounds like what the government is reported as doing, in all these fringe shows. They kill someone or make someone disappear. Then he also happens to be a Caucasian Buddhist, who happened to be cremated very shortly after death. Now you can't investigate the death either.-

-now Professor Haas may have suffered from high blood pressure. I think a semester b4, I saw him in a t shirt, jogging on campus. He was trying 2 do something about his situation. Prof Haas was notably outspoken & maybe ill tempered. I didn’t get the feeling he was admired.-

- when he died a semester later, after making attempts to attend to his health, a semesters worth of time before, the computer science faculty gave him, an advertised, memorial service, on campus. He was 1 of the 3 exposed to the stolen tech of probably the sys admin of the time.-

-I have reasonable evidence, this is now happening from "what’s seen thru my eyes" or from "detecting the content from the part of my brain, processing what my eyes are seeing." By replicating waves in this, U get an image. the public is probably tricked to thinking: it’s relaying my typing “as” I’m typing through cell phone or laptop hacking.-

- relaying, as I’m typing, thru hacking tech, happened a decade ago. Now it’s brain hacking. When it was tech hacking, I noted, when I’d use the lounge area, in my off campus Albany apartment community, and used their WIFI, that the hacking wasn’t limited to my IP or MAC address from the paid service in my studio apartment.-

- it was wireless tech hacking. It was happening with waves. I knew no one put any spy device in my apartment, because I had motion sensor cameras in my apartment. I I knew when maintenance staff came in and there was only a saved record of one maintenance record. My computer had monitoring software because I’m a techie. I paid for firewalls and antivirus. Things with hacking shouldn't have been so straight forward with me. When I made submissions to the FBI crime tip site, I saved the tips, I recorded data packets with WireShark, I took screenshots since the crime tip site doesn't send detailed conversations. I was really getting into my situation. It seemed like my phone was being hacked because its content was known by one or more people. I bought burner prepaid phones from Walmart. On one occasion, I texted my brother that I'm on my way home, in hexadecimal. It seemed like the hexadecimal was translated from what I heard from the projected sounds. -

- I never typed my passwords, and used a password manager, so that rules out keyloggers. Everything I know is from trial and error, and knowing what my world should’ve been and what it has become.-

- At that time, I’d remove the batteries from my Samsung phone, which had removable battery compartment, unlike iPhones and other Apple products, when I wanted privacy. I took out the wireless card from my nonApple products and used wired connections. But still, after something like Drs appntment, with my phone battery out, other people were still reacting 2 something On the roads. And it was the usual demographic: college age youth looking on their phones with certain expressions.-

- This leads way to brain hacking and "what my ears hear" or "hacking some other tech" in vicinity like an Alexa device. The school then decides to cover its tracks. My parents get duped into school telling them I’m a paranoid schizophrenic, despite all the things they engaged in.

- the George Berg faction? despite asserting he knew he was doing wrongdoing, tells parents and show, "we can prove all of it" or "fix allegedly crazy Renny" through getting him involved in a time consuming project, where memories and information allegedly become visible.-

- 2 further complicate things, no 1 can speak 2 me, I can’t talk 2 them about situation.

I remember in Albany, school abused use of community. People at school would get friends in community 2 check who was “following me” based on rumors of stalker kids.-

- But aren’t "those people" now following me to figure out who's following me? Are these people retarded? I know from first four years, of a car, and college experience, how people look on the road.-

-When that changes, & like how things are done things now( telling people when I’m on the road), how am I a schizo thinking people are following me? I’d see the strangest things. Police cars driving in area of my apartment, as though school or something told him, give him courage by driving by his apartment. But what does that sound like? It sounds like black helicopters or white trucks reported as being seen as scare tactics near military bases like the infamous Area 51. Was someone trying to give me "signs" to make me look crazy, scare me out of Albany, or the complete opposite: give me courage?-

- You have no idea the amount of stupidity & negligent use of resources. Like police cars or community members. All because of the very obvious truth behind a situation: -no one talks to the individual at the center of all this. -It’s just a snowball of justifications. -Now they want to to try know "of" me by allegedly mind reading me. the mind reading is the justification for never speaking to me or actually knowing me. They see opportunity like "hey this is perfect, lets see what kind of info we can fish for, through waves in his head-

-But again figures…it’s America…a circus. Because of negligent law makers and drug/alcohol abuse, you have people not properly checking, if trains in NYC, will derail twice in a week, or if plane doors will fly open mid flight,-

- or not vetting House Reps resumes, to see if lying, or if guy copiloting a plane, is mentally sound, and not on drugs, and not putting the flight at gunpoint.-

- what all these people have in common? They don’t care about consequences or someone convinces them of a lack of consequences.-

- Biblically it’s said, “whoever harms the innocence of these little ones, it’s better they tie a rock around their head and drown themselves.” This little ones are symbolic of an innocent mind. Someone that harms the sanctity of the mind burns in h*ll-

- isn’t America about protecting dignity of even 1 American life?! Isn’t justice system about releasing 100 guilty people, over throwing 1 innocent life in trouble/jail? Ive been in my situation longer than others in jail. Y is my innocent life not worth dignity of freedom?-

- a follower of Christ said, “Master, let me bury my father, before following You” Christ sharply responds, “Let the dead bury the dead.” The lesson is not to wait, to stop an injustice, especially simply b/c we’re closer to the end than the beginning. Stop injustice now.-

“Justice should be swift and indiscriminate.”

UPDATED ADDITIONAL TUMBLR POST BELOW

what am I not seeing, if you're thinking something else...foul play? Deceit? Trickery at its worst?!

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tabzjoynt · 1 year

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#storytiiime😁

6ish yrs ago I was drinking all day with my cousin in her kitchen, I already chipped my front tooth a year prior - and was also on a couple of other substances that day.

Anyways, we were cracking up so hard in her kitchen that when she went to cheers me, I didn't know and wasn't ready causing her to cheers my beer into my tooth and it snapped on me. 3/4s of it split and I went into shock, I didn't cry straight away because we went back to laughing. I reckon the acid trips also hadn't allowed me to really understand what just happened.

That is until the next day when I felt it in my mouth, I shot out of my bed into the bathroom and got the fright of my life and then the reality hit. I was also hungover and coming down so when I got back into my bed I covered myself over in my blanket and cried like the sooky I am 🙄. I was really into looking a certain way at that time and was out alot at events, taking photos in the streets and being at concerts with DJs, as well as being at gigs with Jnr, Bryce and Faye. I spent that entire Sunday afternoon in bed feeling sorry for myself.

When I finally came out of hiding I had to go to work 🥴 and that's the day I started talking and walking around with my hand over my mouth. I remember eagerly getting out of work to find a dentist, luckily there was one across the rd from our building and when the old Greek man running the surgery saw me and heard my story he was sooooo good to me, he didn't charge me for his time or for the extraction at full price. But fuck my ego from back then was in the foetal position rocking backwards and forwards.

When I got home I told Jnr what happened and he was being so calm with me - he was like, Smile! I bet it looks cute on you 🙄 and I looked at him and the tears started falling. I just shook my head and he knew not to say anything else.

I never left the house much over the next few weeks and Jnr was getting frustrated cos I didn't even want to go to the local anymore. He tried, he really did try to encourage me out of hiding at home but honestly my ego was hurting.

I remember Moto pushing me to go to a gig with him too as the photographer and I was squirming to get out of it but that guy doesn't ask for much, so I knew I had to get over myself. I went and wore a bandana like a bib lolz pulling it up to cover my mouth that night whenever I had to speak😩

A month or so down the track I got a plate made, most expensive piece of plastic I have ever owned. All to hold one tooth in place 🫣 I couldn't eat with it in but I could finally be out in public, my hand would still find it's way in front of my mouth tho.

3 yrs ago I was back in NZ with my cousins after a big night out on the Southside, Ethan took us to Wendys so my phaddy self was too happy, I took my plate out of my mouth to eat and placed it in a napkin. when it came time to leave I picked everything up and put it in the bag and threw it in the trash... including my plate😩

So, today as I learn to smile again without the automated motion of putting my hand up to my mouth and after a half year of multiple dental procedures that would usually take longer. I am here🙃, with 2 implants/screws, 11 fillings, 2 crowns, 2 composite veneers, a gum graft and 1 root canal. the part that took the longest was getting the paperwork sorted for all of it.

Even tho the first initial procedure was the worst, it allowed me to gauge the next one and the following one after that. speaking it all into existence over Christmas last year and now it's complete ✅ it's not normal to smile with my mouth open yet but I'm getting there.

I look back at most of my selfies and my mouth is shut lolz, now to change that!~!!🤌🏾

A new goal moving forward is to find/create more reasons to smile✨

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jazzminte · 2 years

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unfazed by my parents' "long lasting marriage" bcs i still remember how this very marriage scarred me for life ever since i was 11 and was the fuckin worst when i was 18 and still Just trying to figure out what my next step in life should be. i probably will nvr forget.

it's their anniversary today and my mom asked if i was gonna wish them a happy anniv etc etc im like yea im glad ure all ok now but w the expense of my mental health??? hahahahahaha funny. u wouldnt even let me get professional help after u and ur marriage being the literal reason why i needed one in the first place. fucking hilarious.

i know i sound petty but imagine spending more than half of ur life in complete and utter misery, collecting all these unhealed scabs and wounds and unresolved issues that hv literally negatively affected ur own relationships, who wouldnt be? their marriage was the literal fucking reason why i am the way i am rn, with all the mental illnesses and bad fuckin memories and this trauma that i will nvr find real happiness in My Own marriage, how am i supposed to celebrate it without being fucking reminded of how huge of a toll it had taken on me?

it's good enough that i am only unfazed, but really i don't think i'll ever find it in me to simply just forgive and forget what you both had put me through to get to where you are rn. senang senang je lupa how much you had tortured me with YOUR problematic marriage, and expect me to just forget and be happy for y'all. what a joke, honestly. i shouldn't be surprised dah la that this is what you take me for.

happy anniversary? yeah tell that to 11 yr old me. to my 18 year old self.

to me at the age of 10, hugging ur legs and wailing on the floor trying to fucking save ur marriage, stopping u from up and leaving ur fucking family behind. me at 11, when i first found out abt the fucking affair. me at 14, first time self harming bcs i could not fucking stand the yells and the fights and the fucking family falling apart. me at 18, ur uncertified therapist, listening to both of u talking shit abt each other and trying to get on my good side, me a few months later finding out abt the fucking divorce papers. me at 20, already fucking exhausted by everything at this point only to hv u Both gaslight me for thinking that ive had it bad. me at 21, being denied the need for professional help Simply bcs none of u could ever comprehend the fucking damage uve inflicted on me AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. me now at 22, hoping and praying for NOTHING ELSE but to escape this hellhole ive had to call "home". me now at 23, going through my first heartbreak bcs of a boy but not even close to compare to my first few 100 heartbreaks caused by both of u who were supposed to take care of me. me my whole life, hving to give up my childhood just to parent u both. me now, hving to take matters into my own hands to heal my inner child.

so forgive me if i can't ever wish u a happy anniversary. not back then, not now, and im afraid not ever. u of all people shouldnt be surprised. u of all people shouldnt be asking why. u already know the answer. now face it for the rest of ur life.

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lesbians4isabelamadrigal · 2 years

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I got an AU idea that I need to polish but for now here's the raw idea developed from my ramblings on discord and that one Isabela concept art

So: AU in which Isabela runs away after Mirabel's gift ceremony.

Follows the theory that in the canon verse, Abuela started pressuring Isabela even more than before to make up for the fact that Mirabel was giftless. But instead of continuing to put up with it, she runs away to the surrounding forest. Nobody knows where she is (Except Dolores, of course, but she swears up and down Isabela disappeared, knowing what would happen of she actually said where she was).

She used her powers to get by in terms of housing and food, and anything else she learned on her own. She'd have to have left around 11-12 yrs old so old enough that she remembers her life with the fam obviously, but young enough that she's She'd all of Alma's teachings. This Isabela is unapologetically herself and a bit socially awkward, having little interaction with people while living in the forest

Nobody mentions her, much less in the presence of Alma herself. The nickname "bruja del bosque" is quickly donned on her, and people swear they've seen her around, but nobody can actually find her.

So when is she found? When Antonio gets his gift, the animals tell him about this human woman who lives amongst them. He tells this to Mirabel and that's when she realizes her long lost sister is still around. She goes up to Dolores and confronts her and she admits to knowing all that time, but explains why she didn't say anything. And so either just the two of them or all the cousins finally go into the forest to meet Isa and that's when they realize how different she is.

Some Notes:

• Maybe she left with Bruno or he went to look for her and they both live in the forest? Idk

• bonust point that Dolores would sneak out sometimes to check up on her cousin. Isabela loved these visits and they were what convinced Dolores to keep her secret because she could see how much happier isabela was. But they weren't that common because people would get suspicious if they saw Dolores sneaking out into the forest)

• Bringing back the concept idea that she was able to make sentient potato people so she now has a tiny little army that she uses to keep tabs on the town and on her family, especially her little sisters

• Even though her leaving is directly tied to Mirabel's lack of gift, she holds no resentment towards her and is actually kind of grateful that she was finally pushed into being her truest self and stop playing a part for someone else, so she doesn't hold any ill feelings towards Mira in this AU at all.

• on the other side she is pretty resentful to the adults, especially her mother, for not standing up for her to Alma. With Isabela's leaving the adults probably realized "Hey, we have to put a stop to this" and so the other grandkids aren't put under the same pressure she was under.

• This leads to remind trying to convince her that things are different now and that she should come back, which she doesn't like at all, nor trust. Sure, things are different for them. Who's to say the adults and Alma especially would accept Isabela as she is now? And she is unwilling to change for anybody.

#i need to figure out the family's reactions to all of this #for now we're gonna call this #forest witch au #especially Mirabel meeting an older sister she vaguely remembers but has been told so much about #only to find that the prim proper princess she was told about was now a feral little thing with no manners #but shes HAPPY and thats what matters #also her reaction to learning she technically played a part on her leaving #isabela madrigal #disney encanto #dolores madrigal #mirabel madrigal #bruno madrigal #antonio madrigal

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

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Hi, thank you all so much for running this blog--I was hoping I could get your feedback on a Jewish MC. The crux of my question is whether I, a gentile, would be out of line depicting her experiencing internalized discrimination from her own father (who in my first draft was Catholic, but I think that will be changing to a TBD protestant denomination).

The backstory I have for her right now is that her mother is Jewish and places great value on the history and culture of being Jewish, but is not a particularly religious person. Her daughter refers to her as having sometimes attended events at a local reform synagogue and making note of the high holidays but she is, overall, not someone with strict religious observances of any kind, and for a long time she and her husband (raised Christian but deeply agnostic) raise their daughter on the idea that it's important to understand where she and her family come from but that how she ultimately pursues faith--whatever that faith may be--is up to her. Both parents introduce her to the stories and lessons they grew up with but don't pressure her to attend religious events, etc. unless she has a personal, independent interest in doing so. For the first 16 or so years of her life this is how she's raised and her family is stable and her parents seem deeply in love. So far beta readers from households with one Jewish and one Christian parent have told me this backstory seems fine to them, though I welcome any feedback you have, too.

What I'm most concerned about, though, is when she's a teen and her parents divorce. Right now I have the reason for their divorce as being that they fell out because her dad becomes a bit of a Christian zelot and becomes less and less respectful of his wife's religion and background as he gets deeper into this mindset. The reason he becomes like that is essentially that when 9/11 happens MCs mother, who grew up with the story of how her grandparents fled from the Soviet Union because of religious discrimination under Stalin, only narrowly managing to immigrate as far as the US before the breakout of WWII, powerfully empathizes with the people suffering from the horrible rise of Islamophobia we saw in 2001-2002. Her husband, on the other hand, does what I saw a lot of people in my family and community do and becomes increasingly religiously conservative as a reaction the percieved "threat" of the Islamic world. (This is all clearly identified in the book as his being in the wrong.) One of the ways this manifests is that he starts pressuring his daughter, the MC, to attend church services with him and become Christian. His rationale is that he just wants what's best for his daughter--to be "saved."

MC's mother has no tolerance for that crap, as she shouldn't, so they fight quite a bit going forward and eventually separate. Mom gets custody of the MC.

While her father never says anything openly antisemitic--implying those ideas but never stating them explicitly--he does respond to 16 yr. old MC basically asking him if he would still love her if she pursued her mom's faith by saying some bullshit along the lines of "well honey I just love you and want the best for you," as his answer. She never says to him that she's cutting him out, but after this moment she's never close to her father again and by the time the main narrative takes place 10 years later, she hasn't spoken to him since she was 21.

This backstory helps build a foundation for a lot of themes for the MC in terms of different ways alienation manifests in her life, how she trusts, and what we can and cannot forgive our parents for, so I like it from a narrative standpoint, but I would deeply appreciate your feedback on whether writing this kind of experience for a Jewish character is inappropriate for me to be doing. And, if not, do you have any suggestions on ways to modify this backstory, or would you recommend scrapping it entirely? Thank you so much.

Interfaith family broken up when Dad becomes a jerk and a bigot

A difficult situation definitely but I don’t have a problem with the setup. If this isn’t based on your own observations, it’s probably a good idea to get a beta reader with experience around bigots of the same stripe as Dad to make sure the awful stuff Dad says uses word choices and ideas that feel authentic. If that IS your experience I am so very sorry and I hope you have other wonderful people in your life to make up for it.

--Shira This seems very well planned, and thought out. It's also very real, and will be an emotional read I'm sure. As long as your character isn't forced to give up her Jewishness because of her father, and provided that you are careful during fight scenes between the parents earlier in the work (to ensure that the mom doesn't end up seeming like the Shrill Jewish Woman stereotype), I think you are on solid ground. Good luck!

--Dierdra

Also, I just caught that you said "internalized discrimination" from her dad -- that's not what internalized discrimination means. Internalized discrimination is when someone is feeling negatively about their own group, because they've absorbed bigoted ideas from outside. Discrimination from someone who isn't yourself isn't called “internalized” even when it comes from someone as close as a parent. But that's just a little language correction.

--Shira

Oh no, this backstory is so sad! I hope your MC has a happy ending with some very mutually supportive relationships.

I agree that this shouldn't be a problem as long as you take care to avoid stereotypes on a more micro level in specific scenes. As for the overall idea, nothing jumping out at me. You've clearly put so much effort into creating a believable background for your character and its influence on her current psyche - that gives me confidence that you will write humanised characters rather than falling back on tropes!

Also, don't know if you knew this but something to note with interfaith families: if MC's mother is Jewish, she is a Jew in Jewish law. It doesn't matter what she believes or practises or how she was brought up. (I don't say this to invalidate patrilineal Jews or oppose anyone self-identifying the way they want, but just halachically. You should be aware that many more religious Jews will consider her that way.)

Good luck with your story! I would read this 😌

--Shoshi

#writingstellar #Jewish #Jewish Women #antisemitism #interfaith #interfaith relationships #family #asks

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bluebeetle · 2 years

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what IS the worst character assassination youve ever seen? i can think of some guesses but its a long list

its a VERY long list....

1) the time cassandra was evil and could also suddenly speak perfectly when she was previously struggling. it makes no sense. so much of her character was built on doing the right thing and not wanting to kill. it was so fucking stupid and im glad its long forgotten

2) whatever the fuck jason was doing in battle for the cowl and batman and robin 2009. some of it was ok in the latter but the former... he just went full evil villain without any of the nuance he had before. also red head jason my detested

3) wanda wanda wanda wanda. she gets this so many times. her in trial of magneto where shes calling erik daddy and stuff despite not knowing that man was her dad until she was a married adult woman.

avengers disassembled where she went ~~~crazy~~~ and killed a bunch of people.

house of m with the no more mutants thing. just yikes yikes yikes. they tried to fix it later by saying she was influence by dark magic and stuff and doctor doom played a role but then that got ignored.

she's still blamed for house of m by the xmen and other mutants even NOW where they all hate her still despite it that story literally being 15 years old

4) any time bruce is abusive and hits his kids. what the fuck. bonus points to all star batman and robin for being so bad at that, its acgtually kinda funny. he made dick eat RATS in a CAVE the DAY HIS PARENTS DIED IN FRONT OF HIM after calling him the r slur

5) damian almost being turned evil after teen titans 2016 and stuff; it got fixed thank god but hes been written like he has to redeem himself for it and that racist writing ugh

6) speaking of: talia going from a loving, caring person who hadnt even killed until she met bruce and did it in self defense, who sacrified her own happiness to make sure her child was safe and away from her father, who had morals and loved bruce to a scornful woman assassin who kills people indiscriminately, abuses her child, rapes the man she claims to love, and continues to meddle with his "real" love because shes jealous, and then clones her own son and gets that clone to murder her 11 year old, also has sex with bruce's 18 yr old son who she was taking care of.

yikes

7) trickster in countdown. why is he suddenly homophobic. he and pied piper have known each other for years, theyre both old silver age flash villains. pied piper was not quiet about being gay even back in the 90s. he interacted with trickster multiple times during that flash run prior to countdown. why does trickster suddenly make homophobic jokes. answer me dan didio. ANSWER ME

8) catch all for any bad live action versions. like. everything about mcu hawkeye is a crime agaisnt hawkeye. i mean other mcu characters suck but i feel bad for him bc he usually doesnt get that treatment. jason in titans. the mcu maximoffs. stripping loki of being nonbinary and bi.

9) why did wally become a mass murdered in heroes in crisis and then try to cover it up. i know it wasnt murdering on purpose ig but also it was just a bad storyline ugh.

10) akihiro being stripped of all personality to be the slutty bi guy in x-factor. die.

anyways notice how half of these are characters of colour? yeah tip of the iceberg lol. anyways....

#txt #marvel #dc

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traumatisedbabygay · 2 years

Text

update on my gender crisis:

the more i think about it, the only thing tethering me to a gender before was my masking autistic need to follow rules, no matter how arbitrary i believed them to be. Thinking back, my entire life, the idea of gender and gender norms, stereotypes, ect...it just baffled me. Like, what do you *mean* sit "lady like". What is ladylike? Im sat on the chair...isnt that what it means to sit? Or when i was asked the question "if you could, would you be a boy", and my 11-year-old answer was something like "i mean, i dont know. What difference would it make? I guess not having a period would be nice though..."

Looking back, that answer wasnt me trying to make a statement to my friends that "girls can do anything boys can do". It was me going "wait...gender is meant to *feel* like something. And i would feel different if i were a boy? For practicality reasons having the opposite sexes' body would be convenient but thats all it would be. A body". It was me realising subconsciously that i dont know what gender is supposed to feel like. I was looking at gender as an objective thing, some words and terms that i repeated because thats all i knew it to be. And since i didnt feel negatively about it, i never really had to think hard about it.

Its a lot easier to notice a negative feeling thats there, versus an empty indifference somewhere very deep inside. It was relatively easy for me to realise i was gay: i had a friend come out as bi in yr 8, it sent me into a crisis, and then after that i secretly looked at lingerie models photoshoots because i liked the "fluttery feeling" they gave me. Sure, i buried it deep inside me for three years, but when lockdown came and i was with only myself most of the time, my need to pretend faded away, and i finally accepted that i was a lesbian

That was easier because it was a feeling i could place. I could name it. I could, as a physical, objective thing, say that "i am attracted to women and not men." I could give the feeling a name, it felt real. It felt intrusive almost, like the gay thoughts were there so much i shoved heteronormative media down my own throat so i didnt have to listen to them. My lesbianism made itself visible to me in a way that my gender never has.

Every gender identity i read upon, however, still doesnt feel right. Its like the way im feeling is so abstract and distant that it exists outside the boundaries of language. And im okay with that. Im okay being percieved as female, and im okay using she/her pronouns. Im okay being percieved as male (even if i never am bc i present very femme). Im okay being percieved as nonbinary, and idc if someone uses they/them pronouns for me. Aside from he/him, there isnt anything about gender i really feel. And the only reason he/him feels wrong for me, is because it feels too different to what i know...which is either she/her, or just....nothing. Pronouns and gender identities feel like filler words. Terms used just to form a coherent sentence, rather than feelings that i can fully say i resonate with.

I feel nothing when i say "im a girl". Nothing bad, nothing particularly good. I just feel.....indifferent. As if "girl" is a superficial identity that i keep because im avoidant of change. But if i say that i feel like anything other than a girl, i do feel something. Guilt. How dare I say im struggling with gender identity when there are people out there clawing at their own bodies and binding unsafely and self harming because of dysphoria? How could i possibly think that my small feelings of "you know, i dont really get this whole gender thing" means i deserve a label other than cis. Wouldnt that be appropriation? Wouldnt i be taking away the experiences of other non-cis people?

I dont feel cis, but i also dont feel not-cis. And the more i think about it, the more confused I get. I think its all definitely related to my autism, but even the microlabel autigender doesnt feel right. *No* label feels right.

And i dont know what to do about that.

#gender identity #gender questioning #autism #im so confused #agender #i think im agender #or perhaps im #genderqueer #idk i dont really want any label but unfortunately thats how language works

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theserpentsnight · 3 years

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Hi! I wanted to tell you that I really love your beetlebabes art <3 I’m really curious about your take on the characters, can you tell us more about your AU?

Thank you!! Im a sucker for powerful characters getting wrapped around the finger of some normie lmao

Okay okay so I've only seen the movie once when I was like 11, and haven't gotten around to rewatching it, but I remember Betelgeuse's nature/motive being more of a mystery at first? I like good old fashion demons with Rules and Deals and True Names. In my AU, Betelgeuse has made a lot of trouble by making deals with ghosts and taking their souls (basically all those background dancers are ghosts who are contractually bound to him lmao), then using them to get living people to summon him, before he either gets banished again, makes a deal, or kills them.

It becomes such a problem that Juno decides to play his game and make a Wager. She gets to pick a recently departed spirit, and Betelgeuse has to train them to haunt their place of death. He can't help outside of teaching them how to scare; the spirit has to do the actual haunting all by themself. If he wins, he will be free to enter the living world whenever he wants, without needing to be summoned. If he loses, his contracts will be destroyed, and he will be bound to the spirit's place of death alongside them.

He accepts, thinking this is going to be the easiest thing in the world. He's already trained so many ghosts how to scare, its his whole thing!

And then Juno picks the Maitlands.

He was excited for all of two seconds, thinking Juno lost her mind giving him TWO ghosts to work with, but that excitement is quickly and brutally extinguished because my version of the Maitlands are exactly like they are in the musical.

He manages to last almost two weeks before they drive him fucking crazy, and he gives up. He meets up with Juno on the roof and tries to complain that picking these two wasn't fair, yada yada, but she's having none of it. As agreed, all his contracts are destroyed, freeing the ghosts who are bound to him (notice how after the Invisible Reprise he doesn't have background dancers anymore until the wedding??), and he can't leave the house. He is BaNiShEd! DiSaVoWeD! And its going to be really fucking hard to get back to where he was before when the only ghosts he has are the goddamn Maitlands.

Then the Deetz finally move in, and he meets Lydia. A 16 yr old goth girl writing a suicide note- who can SEE him. Their first meeting goes almost exactly the same as canon, except Lydia jumps afterwards, still very much suicidal and believing that the Maitlands are unable to make her dad see them.

Barbara's ghosty powers kick in right on time, and she levitates Lydia back to safety. Cue the gushy ass scene that keeps me awake at night, where the Maitlands tell Lydia she doesn't have to do things alone, she can rely on other people, they aren't going to give up on helping her after only one failed attempt :') New Parental Figures Acquired.

Then they fail again and Lydia can't deal. She summons Betelgeuse!

Now to the part that you actually asked about, which was my take on Lydia and Betelgeuse's dynamic sjslkdlsjs. When he first met her on the roof, he was just gonna kill her or steal her soul after being summoned, but in the five minutes they spoke he went from looking down on her, to seeing her as a challenge, then to downright respect by the time she pushed him off the roof lmao. Even at her most vulnerable emotional state she doesn't let herself get pushed around, and even takes the time to actively fuck with him. Mad respect.

Lydia has dealt with enough predators to recognize the glint in his eye right off the bat. She enjoys taking some of her anger out on him, since he clearly needs something from her and won't be properly retaliating. When the dinner party thing happens, she figures she was going to kill herself anyways, what more could a demon possibly do?

At this point Betelgeuse is just delighted. As an immortal, boredom and being trapped are two of his worst nightmares, and this girl just handed him some freedom and goddammit she's interesting. Most people would cower when a demon shows their true form in the middle of the living room, but she just ran up to him and told her dad "this is what you get!" Like bitch! He's sold! He wants to hang out with this fucked up breather.

Okay summary time because I could Go On. Betelgeuse wants to be needed, he wants people who can't leave him, and he wants to be free to do whatever he likes. Lydia needs him, but she also seems to genuinely like him, which isn't really a thing he's used to. Suddenly he feels the need to constantly impress her, he loves making her laugh, he loves listening to her talk about weirdo shit, and he loves how she isn’t as uptight as other breathers are about him doing things like- summoning snakes out of a pizza box and having them maul the face of the delivery guy.

Lydia just wants to be seen and accepted for who she is, and someone she can rely on when things are hard. Betelgeuse is literally the only person in the five years since her mom died (yeah in my AU its been 5 yrs not 6 months) who she has been able to rely on to keep her physically safe. Who has no issue with her talking about weird/gross things, and who actively encourages her to let out her emotions instead of keeping them pent up.

But this sudden release of all the anger, pain and frustration she’s kept inside her is what leads to this new, crueler attitude she picked up. She laughs at Betelgeuse chasing a child with a fake disembodied head, laughs at the pizza guy writhing with snakes biting his face, and mockingly joins the dance of the three possessed people because she is just... dissociating. And why should she care about other ppl’s pain anyway, when they ignored hers all this time? She rides the power high of having a demon enamored with her, backing up her anger with literal fire. It’s extremely self-destructive and unhealthy! :)

#I wrote this for two hours straight help me #beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #betelgeuse #lydia deetz #adam maitland #barbara maitland #juno beetlejuice #beetlebabes #asks #the wager au #wager plot

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 4 years

Text

There's something i need to get off my chest, dear followers (and random people & tech savvy cryptids that stumble upon this blog of wonders blindly).

So, I'm about to turn 35 which puts me in the oldest couple years of the notorious & dreaded millenial generation. We are a generation that has watched the rise of the internet & cellphone tech (we got dial up in on our family shared home computer when I was 12 & I got my first cell, a nokia brick, when I was 16 because I had a job & could pay for it). I was 16 when the attack on the twin towers happened. We are a generation that has just accepted that the generations before us ruined things just enough to leave us shafted when it comes to employment, wages, and housing while complaining that we aren't thanking them for giving us the opportunity to be alive. We've come to terms with the fact that it's just how it is. Those are the card we were dealt & we try to work with them to scrape by. Some do better than others, but most of us are & always have lived paycheck to paycheck with considerable debt, constantly terrified of a major unexpected event that could ruin us at any moment.

Some of us are the ones raising gen z (some of the gen xers are, too, but this isn't about them). I personally have a gen z kid, The Spawn, who turns 16 this weekend. Now, being the type of approachable, laid back, open parent I am has afforded me some privileges that other parents might not be so lucky to have. I am introduced to all the friends. They all add me on snap or Instagram, send me memes & funny stuff, and casually talk to me about their lives, problems, thoughts, & views. I'm included in the social circle as an honorary member & they gather at my house regularly & often spur of the moment.

I love this because it gives me an inside look at their thought process, values, attitudes, and code of ethics. I've gotta say, guys, they give me hope for the future. This group of young people is so fascinating, funny, and outright brilliant that I'm 100% sure they will do amazing things, big things, as adults.

Because they've had easy, fast internet access from the start & most have had it in the palm of their hand since middle school (11 yrs old) if not earlier, they've had constant access to all that it offers, including information. They are always up on current events, news, & issues society is facing. They feel very strongly about things.

This generation is kind, compassionate, empathetic, and has a strong sense of social justice. They won't bully someone having a panic attack or going through a depressive episode, chosing instead to go out of their way to try to help them through it. I can't tell you the number of times middle school aged The Spawn popped into my room when her phone curfew was approaching to ask for an extension because a friend was considering self harm & she wanted to keep talking to them to make sure they stayed safe. They help each other, even when they don't know each other well. (Obviously there are exceptions to this, and everything I've said/am saying here but this is my overall generalized view of these kids based on my experiences interacting/observing them at home, online, & in public.)

But they are also witty, funny, & surprisingly nihilistic. They are all convinced that the world as we know it, humanity, will end in their lifetime so... fuck it. If they feel someone is doing harm or has wronged society, they seek justice but in a way that amuses them. At least half of what these kids do is for their amusement. For the LOLs. The best example I can think of currently that is widely known is the incident recently where a bunch of teens got together & obtained thousands of tickets for a Trump rally in Oklahoma. They knew he wouldn't be able to resist bragging about the projected attendance numbers based on tickets given out/sold. They also knew he would be a laughingstock when a significantly smaller number of people turned up. So they said "Fuck it. This will be hilarious & he has ruined our country."

And they were right. He bragged about the 100k+ tickets distributed for the rally. A little over 6k people actually attended. It was shared across the internet.

Multiple groups of these kids in my area coordinated corona relief efforts, mask creation & donation, food & supply drives, peaceful marches for BLM (just as they did for gay rights prior to Texas' legalization of gay marriage). I overheard them on a group call talking about using their fresh driver's licenses to help people get out to polling stations to vote out here in November. The Spawn & her friends have discussed accessibility issues for those this disabilities multiple times.

The kids aren't content to do what my generation has done & just accept how things are & manage. They want change and they are already willing (& attempting) to do something about it before they've even reached adulthood because they are already so aware of the issues within our society & our government.

So, in summary, I have hope for the future because gen z is full of kind, compassionate, empathetic, socially conscious, driven, brilliant, tech savvy kids who dole out their own form of very entertaining justice and don't give a single fuck if they piss of the people they feel have wronged them, or their community as a whole.

I couldn't be more proud of them or more hopeful for the future.

#gen z culture #gen z things #proudmom #disabilties #disabled #disability #disabled life #ehlers danlos syndrome

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ne-fe-li-bata · 3 years

Text

Aye yo CORPSE! ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ;

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

• Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

• Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

• Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

• With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

< mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

“ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with)

• Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

(could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

• Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

• Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance

• Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

• His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down>

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros,

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with

• Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub.

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints

toys

•RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on.

over stim

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look

primal play “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you”

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact

• his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af

impact play

24/7

edging

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage

begging

worships

• But also soft kinks;

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair

matching outfits

voice messages

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’)

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence

* emojis*- just some sort of communication

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

• Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

• Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride)

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

• No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

• He's both book & street smart

Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online

• Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

• Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h)

• Hates silence

( constantly needs background noise) <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

• People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

• Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

(most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

• Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

• Also is/was a major tumblr boy

• Would be a phenomenal father

• His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

• Still caught up in daydreams

• A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted

• Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

• Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

• Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone"

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

• Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

• His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

• Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

• Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

• Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

• Dinosaur obsessed

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

fav ranger- green

• Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

• Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

• This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

• Rose is his fav flower 🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞. Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

• Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

• Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story

• Pixar > Disney

• But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

• Fall is his fav season (?)

• Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

• Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about.

• Was really into graffiti/ street art

• Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

• also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

• On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

• Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another.

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin”

*grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest*

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

I love you... genuinely . turly. madly. deeply.

#dear cropse #if youre seeing this #i kno youll be okay #im sorry for everything you've had to go through #plz kno #to me #you are my brightest star in a universe of supernovas #you make everything okay for me #till fate do us part #i kno 1 day we'll meet #the universe will bring me to you & you to me

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