#if I don’t think about it too hard they’re not that bad??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hungharrington · 1 day

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i’m almost 22 and have never even kissed a boy (which i’m chronically insecure about). it’s made me feel very nervous regarding intimacy or “doing it wrong”. i feel like steve would be great coach and reassure the reader it’s okay and that they’re doing great. nothing to embarrassed about. (my soul needs this so bad)

hi honey !! i think you r so right & steve would be the perfect guy to give all the assurances <3 i hope u know that kisses don’t matter too much til they’re with someone you’re rlly sweet on so i wouldn’t sweat it angel x this one is sfw! wowzer!

You’re on your couch and in Steve’s lap and worried about just about everything.

Steve’s being sweet about it, his hands resting gently on either side of your waist, his thumbs swiping up and down to comfort you. He’s watching you closely, unaware he’s just taken your first, second, and third ever kisses. How could he know? you think, on the side of insecurity— it seems everybody else your age has already kissed someone.

“You okay?” He asks, hazel eyes tracing over the soft features of your face. He loves your nose and the shape of your bottom lip— strange things to like perhaps, but Steve doesn’t care.

You nod but don’t say anything. The motion is a bit jerky. Your hands are planted on his shoulders, holding them probably a bit too tight. Exhaling a breath, you nod again and pretend the fondness in his gaze isn’t making you shy.

“Yeah,” you finally speak, voice smaller than you intend. “Just- just wanna like—“ you swallow, eyes darting to the ceiling for a moment, if only to avoid his intense eyes. “I wanna get this right.”

A car engine drones by outside in the dusky evening. Steve gives a little chuckle and his hands on your waist tug forward, pulling your attention down and your body an inch closer to his. It’s warm— every part of him is glowing warm.

“I don’t think there’s any way you can get this wrong,” He admits, awfully sincere about it.

It’s the truth. Steve likes you a lot. You could probably bite his lip too hard and make it bleed and he’d still find it pleasant. You have that effect on him.

You don’t know that though. So, every stress seems very, very real. Are you kissing firm enough? Too firm? God, are your lips too dry?

Your tongue flicks out to wet them, your hands giving his shoulders a nervous, minuscule squeeze. In your chest, your heart is torn between rabbiting in its anxiety or shrivelling in insecurity.

“I mean,” you laugh a little, if only to cover your embarrassment. You duck your head to avoid his face, murmuring, “If there is, I’m sure I’ll find it. I haven’t, uh, exactly done this… too much.”

“That’s fine,” Steve says instantly. His warm, large hands give a tender squish on your waist, before sliding up and around to curl snugly around your body. He sits up a little straighter, his nose nudging against yours.

“No, Steve,” you say, cheeks a touch heated. You count his eyelashes so you can avoid his eyes, you voice dropping volume towards the end of your sentence. “I mean, like… like ever.”

Surprise flashes in his eyes for only a moment. His gaze darts down to your lips quickly but then he’s smiling, nudging closer, and stealing a quick kiss off your lips. Now he’s taken your fourth kiss too.

You flush, something warm pinging its way up your spine.

“That’s okay,” He murmurs, sounding like he really means it.

“It is?”

“It’s great. You’re great.” He kisses you again—your fifth— so sweet it tastes like sugar on your lips, his arms around you pulling you in closer. You drown in it, enamoured by how it feels to have his lips against yours. God, he makes you dizzy.

Steve breaks the kiss but stays close, his arms pulling you closer still so you’re straddling him properly. He’s warm, so warm— and so freakin’ nice to you.

“You don’t find it weird?” You can’t help but whisper. Your eyes crush closed, unable to face him.

“Weird?” Steve echoes. “Are you kidding me? It’ll take more than that to freak me out.”

One of his hands shifts up, moving up off your waist to cradle your jaw gently in his large palm. He peppers a string of kisses along your cheek and jaw, beginning to suck a sweet spot beneath your ear. Your hips shift before you realising, subtly grinding down into his. Flames begin to burn in your stomach.

“It’s—I mean it’s kind of, like, a little embarrassing, don’t you think?” You continue, voice a little breathier than before. You’re not sure what you’re trying to convince of him of— you certainly don’t want him to stop.

Steve’s lips brush over the barely forming bruise on your skin and your breath hitches.

“Are you feeling embarrassed?”

One slow kiss against your neck, his plush lips accompanied by the heat of his tongue. You squirm in his lap but don’t answer, fearful of being too truthful. You are and you aren’t. He isn’t making you embarrassed but you are, just a little.

Your silence makes Steve pause, digging his face out of your neck to meet your eyes. “Hey. You shouldn’t be embarrassed- if you are for some other reason, we can— we can like stop—“

“No.” You cut in, God, now you’re seriously giving him the wrong idea. “No, oh my god, I sound so stupid- it’s not you— Steve—“

He cuts you off with another kiss, your sixth, and steals your runaway thoughts. It blissfully chases away your nerves for just a moment.

“Great.” He smiles against your mouth, giving another squeeze of your waist. “Cos you don’t need to be.” He kisses your mouth again, seven. “All you need to be is enjoying yourself, okay?

You like the sound of that— adore the way he’s so seamlessly finds the thing that sets your nerves alight and soothes it so easily. You whisper back, “Okay,” and gift him your eighth kiss, sweet and fierce.

#ehehehe loverboy steve! he’s here!#🫶🫶🫶 hope this is ok nonnie #sincerely i KNOW it feels balls to not have done it but genuinely like all in its own time!#when u do kiss ur lucky person they will count themselves lucky for getting such a vulnerable & raw piece of urself #u only don’t know how to kiss once !#i wouldn’t worry and it’s certainly nothing to be insecure about 🫶 mwah ily #steve harrington #jay writes #steve x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve x you #steve harrington x you

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thecommunalfoolboy · 10 hours

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It’s crazy how many people just don’t understand why a lot of aro and or ace people don’t like that Alaster gets shipped. It’s not that hard to understand we don’t have a lot to let ourselves lose. I mean can you name 10 asexual characters? 5? Can you name two aro characters. There’s the guy from Archie who they made have a sex scene in a movie version. There’s a few books. I think a background character in Heartstopper? Do you see the theme here??? You’re all queer people, do you not get it? How it feels to have nothing? Is it so wrong to be upset that there’s finally an outwardly aroace person in popular media and instead of people embracing that they’re fighting on the internet about why it’s ok to ignore it? And I will never in my fucking life have anything against the people who are aro and or ace and portray him in THEIR experiences, even if it is a romance or sex favorable experience, but it is obvious that way too many of you guys are allo and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t even like him as a character that much, he isn’t even made by an aroace artist. The show isn’t even that fucking good, I just want to keep someone like me for once in my life. If there were a million other aroace characters I wouldn’t care, but it just hurts seeing erasure coming from my own community. It just sucks, man, I don’t know. It just sucks

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fumifooms · 1 day

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Wait one darn diggity second what’s this about unmarried half-foot women being embarrassing for the family, what’s this about being unmarried as a half-foot being "different [worse than] for other races". Maybe Flertom and Puckpatti’s intensity about finding a husband is the norm, maybe Meijack, despite Chilchuck approving of her disinterest in romance, is the one who’s considered weird by social standards.

Maybe they’re less well-adjusted than I thought. Don’t misunderstand me I’m aroace, but if there’s a lot of societal pressure and it’s considered a failure if you’re not married, it is notable when all 3 of your kids haven’t married past the time that’s expected. For reference adulthood for a half-foot is reached at 14, Chil got married at 13, Puckpatti is 14 while Flertom and Meijack are 16. The other half-foot character we have is Mickbell who is also unmarried, unsurprising considering his situation. I don’t think them not having married is about their family being poorer, if anything I’d think Chil’s family is on the comfier end of half-foot families with the high wages he gets paid with and the nice living conditions we’ve seen (although we don’t know when he started being paid well). We know about Flertom having high standards, but she and Puckpatti are actively looking to date, so there’s something going on here whatever it is.

It is nice that it doesn’t seem like Chilchuck cares at all. I imagine that their mother must have also not pressured them into marrying at all, maybe even encouraged them not to marry if they didn’t have someone, which is sweet. And understandable, considering she might not want her daughters to rush into it and live with…….. Being stuck in an unhappy marriage. And here comes in what I meant when I said well-adjusted, daddy issues. We aren’t shown a lot of Chil’s married life, but I would bet my life on there having been tensions and warning signs. Especially since, since the daughters and Chil hadn’t seen each other since the separation before post-canon, there’s an air of not having been very surprised or panicked about the whole thing: the separation wasn’t unexpected. Having to watch your parents fall out of love and growing up seeing them in a taxing marriage can be hard, and not exactly put you in the mood to try and find romance and marry. Fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, stunted emotional intelligence, fear of commitment… Oh girlies I am about to extrapolate so much from this

Half-foot society has a lot of coding I don’t have enough specialized knowledge to pin down, but they’re a poor working class people, anglo peasant vibes. They have tightly knit communities, but then the double edge is that if your community has expectations and rules to belong the pressure will be harsh and it can end up being more isolating if you deviate from it. Marriage historically and in Dunmeshi has a lot of economical aspects, in Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile for example dowries are hinted at.

So the pressure to marry might very well originate from the need to bring money in to your family, and to unite families as allies. And from there it grows into an expectation, and thus if they aren’t marred it’s "an unmarried woman was deemed unfit by suitors, something with her must be off"/"This woman was unable to provide for her family, she must be a burden on them" which results into the family having a bad reputation. If Flertom says it’s worse for half-foots than other races, the reasons must be either social or economical or both. There’s of course their lifespan being shorter too, so that might play into it, expectations to go about things quickly and to have a fast life cycle and making sure to have kids. As we see with Laios having kids is a pressure that does exist globally as well. Elves are another interesting example of how familial expectations are like in Dunmeshi and heirdom and whatnot, but free me I just wanted to bring up the possibility of Childaughters being societal misfits and having relational issues.

#Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Meta #dungeon meshi #chilchuck’s family #Flertom #puckpatti #meijack #fumi rambles #What if Chil’s family truly is considered like the local rich stuck up fam #“The father head of the family is a union man and daughters aren’t even married” they have it so good blabla don’t bring ur business there #Or something #I’ll be adding this to my family masterpost just gimme like a week

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isackwhy · 1 day

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ok ok, let me cook, let me on the fryer. so drunk driving stream (your girl got carried away, lacked details my bad bestie boo). isaacwhy, big t goat, and yumi. i’m talking giggles GALORE. i’m talking isaac appearance on readers stream? i’m talking, accidental hard launch? on stream? drunk? again, my apologies for lack of detail in the last four or so worded suggestion, lots of love 😘

anon. ily.

isaacwhy x drunk driving stream! reader hc’s

u last minute agreed to a drunk driving stream w 2 of ur best friends yumi and big t while ur bf isaac was at ur place

usually he’d be the third in this trio but u kidnapped him

you’re more than half a four loko down. isaac is a full four loko down. sitting on discord on his phone in ur living room so that chat doesn’t know he’s at ur place

(even tho they all have a suspicion about yall)

“no, no!” you drunkenly yell as your truck spins around on the highway

tanner and yumi are giggling their asses off, watching your truck flip to the side

you take another gulp of ur drink, gagging at the taste

“y/n, you’re a fucking moron!” yumi laughs

you gasp, and look into your webcam

it’s only then when u realize how drunk u look

“holy shit. oh. i’m so drunk,” you mumble as u repair ur truck

“really? couldn’t tell—“

“tanner i’ll—i’ll—kill u,” u stutter

“y/n, stop drinking,” isaac says

“ummm fuck u,” u giggle, downing another gulp

“y/nnnnn!” isaac yells. also drunk.

“come ‘ere. come into—the room,” you slur, not even realizing you’ve uncovered that isaac is in your house

“huh? are you sure?” isaac asks but you can hear him getting up

“oh god she’s getting isaac. oh god,” yumi groans

“k—y—s,” you spell out slowly, making tanner burst out laughing

isaac walks in and his tall ass is covered so u don’t worry about ur webcam

“hiii isaac,” you smile up at him. a part of u is conscious about ur secret relationship to teh viewers while another part is very drunk and wanting your boyfriend like rn

“hii y/n,” isaac smirks down at u, “i think you’re good on the drinks.”

you groan, gulping down more four loko, “you CANNOTTT tell me what to do.”

“oh no. they’re in trouble—OH SHIT I CRASHED,” tanner yells into the mic.

you glance over at chat, seeing your ship name w isaac being spammed and u hide ur eye roll

“you’re drunk too,” u point at ur boyfriend but realize ur vision has gone blurry

“not like you,” isaac laughs. the webcam can see from his chest down as he crosses his arms in his tank top

ur going bonkers

“i—need to pee. i think,” u get up but u stumble. isaac holds out his hands for you and you try and stabilize urself

“you okay?” isaac laughs, holding you

“i’m great!” you quickly saying, stepping away from him

you take three steps away from him, nearly fall until he catches you and all you can do is giggle

isaac is just looking down at you with a small smile, “okay, stream. over. come on—“

“no!!! wait till i get back baby.”

yeah u don’t even realize what u said bc ur just staring up at isaac with a fond smile while isaac has the widest eyes and ur chat has increased in speed

u can faintly hear yumi and tanner yelling

“what?” you ask with a head tilt, “i gotta—pee,@ u say still clueless, “entertain chat!” u say as u walk away, still oblivious

isaac stands there, stunned that you called him baby on stream. subsequently exposing your relationship

it was gonna happen at some point but he wasn’t expecting it while ur both drunk

“chat—chat. um,” he stands awkwardly until u come back

u stumble back in, still clueless while ur bf looks borderline horrified

“y/n, end stream please,” isaac grabs your shoulders

“hm? wha—okay,” you walk over, “guys i’m too drunk according to isaac so i’m gonna end….”

ur eyes fall on ur chat and the word baby and isaac and y/n are dating being spammed

oh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

u whip ur head towards isaac when you realize what you did

“okay—yup! bye chat!” and you quickly end stream.

once u know ur in the clear, ur head falls your hands, “fuck. i’m sorry babe.”

“it’s okay. you’re drunk. it was gonna happen because we’re both dumbasses at some point,” isaac assures u.

you put ur headset back on and yumi and tanner are too drunk to help you so you turn the whole pc off and slam into your bed, face first into the pillows

“i’m staying off twitter for like—ever,” you mumble into the pillow

“eh. we have a lot less weirdos. you’ll be alright,” isaac rubs your back

#tgc x reader #the group chat podcast x reader #the group x reader #the group chat podcast #isaacwhy #isaacwhy x reader #the group chat

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prince-kallisto · 9 months

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Not to be a hater or anything, but what are these shoes 🤣🤣

#if I don’t think about it too hard they’re not that bad???#but I #I just can’t #help lmaoo #kallistopost #twst #twst spoilers #lost in the book with stitch #twst Jack #twst Lilia

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gayvampyr · 2 years

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“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re #‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system #the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’#and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/#misogynistic/etc and not even #acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat #it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time #text post #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird #not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important #anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not

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bandtrees · 2 years

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one of the most infuriating things i’ve realized about fandom spaces lately to me has been some people’s inability to just trust a story and engage with its premise and what it’s trying to express. “canon sucks i can do it better lol!!!” is one of the most annoying attitudes to me and i do kinda hate how prevalent it’s gotten (in actually good polished media that isn’t to be engaged with like that)

like between people who read things in as bad a faith as possible and ceaselessly criticize things they supposedly like, and people who only care about media for the sake of making cookie cutter self-indulgent fandom content, it feels sometimes like the most controversial thing you can do in a fandom is “actually liking the source material for what it is”

#babbles #like yeah aus n such are fun but sometimes i see things in fandoms that make me like ‘do you even LIKE the source material anymore???’#‘just make ocs man!!!’#rewatches of source materials should be mandatory people go too insane when they start forgetting what they’re engaging with #to say nothing of the very specific phenomena of. intentional bad faith readings of media #like people who went too damn hard in ‘be critical of what you consume’ and just look SO. MISERABLE. What About Having Fun!#like as a former dr fan. dr fans. is it great No i outgrew dr. but i think it’s better to accept outgrowing it than being #the most miserable ‘fan’ ever like UUUGHH THIS SUCKS WHY DO I LIKE IT ITS SO BAAADDD UUGGHHH #and criticizing it 24/7 like i don’t like dr much anymore but there’s a very specific… Type of dr fan #where im like ‘ykno you can just leave if you hate it so bad?’#no need to self flagellate over it just accept you either like something kinda mediocre or just move on nobody’s keepin ya here

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twinstxrs · 5 months

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thinking about how gorgug + kristen perceive both their own deaths & each other’s, and how that impacts their relationship. bc i feel like freshman year kristen was too caught up in her newfound knowledge of the nature of her own god to truly clock & process gorgug’s internal revulsion of where he went after he died, & freshman year gorgug wasn’t familiar enough with the complexities of other people to truly lock onto the sorrow buried within the chaos of kristen’s upward/downward/sideways spiral until she was seemingly on the other side of it. & i wonder if they’ve ever really talked about it (unlikely), or if they’ve just cracked very few jokes that didn’t land and decided to never quite do the work & dig through that part of their relationship. but there’s a kinship there; kristen specifically singles out gorgug to tell him she died again, and gorgug apologizes that he wasn’t there with her this time. gorgug takes one of the finger bones off kristen’s newly/long-time decayed corpse to have an anchor to something in the world. despite the fact that they were in different places after death, having been together during it means everything.

anyways what i’m trying to say is i think they should talk about it.

#thinking WAY too hard about a comedy dnd show when half these moments are played for laughs #dimension 20 #fantasy high #kristen applebees #gorgug thistlespring #me & the bestie when we both die a horrible death at age 14 & don’t know how to talk about it #me & the bestie when you said you thought you went to hell & i called it embarassing due to the culture of religious shame i grew up with #me & the bestie when death transformed me loudly with reckless abandon & death stole something from you you’ll never speak about #me & the bestie when i focus so much on what i gained to avoid what i lost and you quietly internalize your loss & cannot find the gain #when i died i asked for knowledge. when you died you cried wordlessly. i do not know which one of us is more broken.#kristengorgug my repressed besties #ok i’m done now but if ally & zac ever played a scene like this seriously i’d lose my fucking mind fr #sorry if this is like indecipherable but after fhsy they’re so clearly the two most repressed bad kids & that fascinates me #(in my opinion)#fabian still up there in 3rd place tho boy u r GAYYY u like MENNNNN #btw if any of this is wrong shhhh i haven’t done my pre-fhjy rewatch yet this is all from memory

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glassrooibos · 8 months

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The shady bug design is objectively hilarious and therefore I am obsessed

#miraculous ladybug #shady bug #marinette dupain cheng #I know ok I KNOW THIS IS BAD TOO #I was like surely a fun punk/alternative ladybug costume wouldn’t be too hard #I have no idea #but the new design reveals are so fun #like they’re dorky but also #I don’t know they’re just silly and funny #also evil tikki please #that horrible thing #is destroying Paris really a crime?#think about it

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runsonlovepower · 10 months

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that does anyone want to drown in a lake intertwined by the antlers it has to be weird post reminded me I made these like a year ago in case anyone still thought I was normal about ven vani and sora much less ven and vani by themselves

#sorry I can’t be regular and sweetly hope they work it out between them and become friends. I want them to bite each other #I’ve posted the enemies meme before #you’re not supposed to think that hard about this meme. Unfortunately I have worms #I think SOOO strongly that their core beliefs conflict as a direct result of what happened after they were created #anyways. im really tired. remember that we once lived etc #mine #SLIGHT correction though they’re not afraid of each other in the wah hes so scary I have nightmares abt him way #they are terrified of each other if they think about it too hard #vens really more scared of what vanitas means for him than the guy himself. he can take him. but he represents so much #and vani isn’t scared of ven because he’s a weakling but he is scared of his stubbornness. and what he means for him. etc #they can be vitriolic friendly AND have a deep rooted instinct born from their bones to push each other off a cliff #don’t ask ven if he enjoys hurting vanitas he feels extremely bad about it. he doesn’t like hurting him but it feels………………… fun #when they fight. It’s fun. it’s correct. they’re close. Like skoll and the sun. hati and the moon #vanitas does enjoy smacking him. though. it’s still poetic to him because he’s a nerd and a dork #do not let me go off any more in the tags #It’s midnight

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aroaessidhe · 9 months

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2023 reads

Winter’s Orbit

standalone space opera/romance

when his cousin dies, an imperial prince is rushed into marrying the widower - an ambassador from a planet they have a tenuous treaty with - to control rising political hostilities

neither thinks the other is happy with the circumstances, but they have to put on appearances for the public - and when they find out the death might have been murder and they’re implicated, they start to uncover a web of treason within the court and empire

arranged marriage, politcs, set on a wintery planet

#Winter’s Orbit #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #i enjoyed this a lot!#it’s not 100% for me and I think maybe it relied a little too much fanfic romance tropes at points but like. that’s not inherently bad #there were some things that i wanted more of like. jainan’s relationship with his sister?#we see them about to talk for the first time in 2 years but then don’t actually….see that talk?#or anything else between them til the end of the book. i was like hold on I get not seeing That scene but surely she's gonna come up again #asfkadjfh theres a survival bit in the middle which im like. survival 101 stay where you are!!!!! oh my god unfamiliar snowy landscape coul #be SO dangerous. if there’s a storm. whiteout!! also dangerous wildlife apparently???#the book does raise this and have valid counter arguments as far as the worldbuilding goes #(they’re in a blank spot of cell service which is rare so hard to find them) but akjdhsgkjsf i can’t help but be like. noo.....#but also space opera setting that’s on a very wintery planet - i feel like is not that common! i like that #definitely has a hefty amount of miscommunication but like….it’s the kind that’s because the characters come from such different #emotional contexts rather than silly reasons. i don’t mind that tbh. though they maybe could have talked about things a bit earlier

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makkie-is-screaming · 2 months

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think I’m gonna have to try and recover from my ed because I haven’t had my period since the first week of December and googling amenorrhea is scaring the shit out of me

#But there’s no one I can tell so I’m just gonna have to do this myself which is terrifying #but being forced to recover if I decide to quit is scarier #this is gonna be really fucking hard and I’m scared but I can’t keep going the way I am #I need help but there’s no one #can’t tell d bc we barely started talking again n we’re not close #can’t tell Q bc I’m scared she’ll leave me n it’s not her responsibility either way #Can’t tell my sister or cousin bc I don’t want to scare/trigger them n they’re too young to be responsible for this #can’t tell my brothers bc ones 10 and the others a dickhead #can’t tell my parents bc they’ll either freak out and micromanage everything I eat as long as I live with them #or invalidate me and ignore it #I wish I could tell Q though I’m so scared and stressed and I think even just taking to her in the phone about it would help #But she’s already dealt with so much if my shit and last time my ed got bad she kinda ignored me #I mean she tried at first but then got distracted by her bf n yeah…#Screaming

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shmorp-mcdurgen · 1 year

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if Mark is autistic then that explains why he gets easily irritated by anything or change, very compulsive, difficult to convince and change. no wonder he is so dangerous

autism is not a good thing, poor of the one who suffers it

I. Was kinda with you for a second there. Like I do think his own mental stuff when he was alive had to do with how he became, like it became ten times worse and more prevalent

But I’m not sure about that last statement.

#obviously autism is different for everyone and a lot of people do struggle with it #me included. I have trouble with it occasionally too #though. I don’t know???? something doesn’t feel right about that statement #maybe I’m thinking too hard about it I guess???? but. I don’t know #editing the tags to add a point: this au is not meant to be like. against mental disorders or even illnesses #like there are themes about how those things can effect them negatively but they’re not meant to make them bad people #they’re just dudes who happen to have different brains and mental things #like yeah. mark had anger issues and was autistic. and he became a terrible person when he died #but the autism and mental stuff DOES NOT mean you become a bad person #mark became a bad person due to vengeance and his mind becoming fucked up due to becoming an alt and his death #NOT because of his existing mental state. becoming an alt just amplified his negative traits #I hope I explained this well I just want to put that out there

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jeezypetes · 1 year

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Ahhhh the job I thought i didn’t get bc they never got back to me after my interview (which I thought went really well) just reached out to me bc apparently the person they tried to hire backed out.,.. and now its gonna be like another month of wondering if I’m gonna have to decide if I want to move to another state where I don’t know anyone. And i was kind of relieved when i never heard back bc I’m really happy here with my family and gf and friends but the fact is my job here is a contract with very slim hopes of developing into a real job with benefits and i live with my parents bc i love them and our house and our town but i know i have to seriously consider this opportunity bc it would be a good career move and i want to live a rich and interesting life. But I don’t want to talk about it with anyone irl because my dad has covid which has been my number 1 fear since the start of the pandemic (he’s 71 and immunocompromised but he’s doing well and not needed the hospital) and I just want to be able to only worry about that I can’t even talk about the job thing which i drove myself and everyone around me crazy with already back in October. Which is why I’m just posting it vjfdhk I’m being tormented by forces beyond my control i feel like this is the sort of thing it would be really helpful to believe in God about

#like people who say He has a plan which i guess is comforting but his plans are so inscrutable they may as well be random. but some people #think he wants the best for us??? which seems so unlikely to me I can’t even try to believe it #anyways i think my dad willbe fine but I’m worried about long term health issues which would make it really really hard to move away bc my #mom is already basically disabled. and i want the house I want it so bad but I can’t afford to buy it from them bc our neighborhood has #gotten sooo much more expensive then it was when they moved here in the 80s and i know they’re planning on selling it to fund their #retirement. but i love it here so much I want to live here forever and die here but its not realistic and maybe it would be easier if i #moved away and put down roots somewhere else and then it will be less painful when they sell the house and less painful when they die #i just want things ro stay likethis forever I’ve #spent so much time these past few years walking around this neighborhood its like the veins in my arms i can live other places i have for #years but they never get this deep im so scared for the futuy #future but there’s absolutely nothing i can do to stop it. except kill myself i guess but it’s #not nearly at that point yet ckgdf it would make a lot of people very upset. it is sort of comforting to remember though i have that option.#god i hope they don’t offer me the job I’m a wreck just thinking about it #i really haven’t made any special efforts to reach out to them or anything. obv I wasn’t their first choice i have no idea if I’m their #second. i think they really liked me but I’m guessing im younger and less experienced than other candidates #hi if ur reading this btw its me a stranger on the internet and you know something my closest friends and family don’t know. congrats #I’ll talk to someone in a few days when my dad is feeling better. really hope my mom doesn’t get sick too she’s been coughing a bit but #testing negative. idc if i get covid i actually hope i get it bc that will prove I didn’t give it to my dad asymptotically #that’s not a secret i toldmy mom she was like jesus Christ don’t think like that

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notjanine · 1 year

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i am so beyond tired beyond burnout, i went out for coffee this morning and when i placed my order, the barista so gently asked “would you like an extra shot of espresso in that? it’s on the house” and i almost cried. people good sometimes

#that extra shot did me good too #this whole internship has been a race between me finishing and my chronic illness getting more and more severe and #it’s down to the wire and they’re neck and neck #i started my last week of my last rotation by fainting for the first time in over five years since before i resumed school before my surgery #it’s real bad over here 🥹#BUT me n books had a good conversation about how to better support each other and they’ve been here for me which has been nice #but i don’t LIKE asking for help and relying on other people like this so i’m gonna have to make Getting Better my summer project this year #which will be hard bc the summer depression hits harder at this lower latitude but #i’m gonna do my best. and i won’t have school! for the first time in so long i won’t have school 😶#i’m so excited to get back into RECREATIONAL learning. just for me. because i like it and i’m curious and that’s good for me #me n Books are planning to move in together around the end of the summer and i was like #Every few months i’ll have to tell you what i’m thinking about studying next so you can pick what you’d most want to hear me infodump about😂#it’ll be fun! i already have a rabies lesson plan ready to go (downloaded the most recent textbook on it for free from the uni library 😎)#but i also have good resources to learn about the chemistry and oropharyngeal physiology of taste/flavor AND #i found a great book on ancient meso/american cuisine #plus i’ve flagged so many MOOCs for later. about all kinds of stuff #ANYWAY. it’s been a rough couple weeks/months/years but the end is like. right here. i just have to finish

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callixton · 2 years

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i am in such a weird place socially i love my friends and i’m so glad i’m getting closer with them but also everyone i know seems to hate each other and it is getting so exhausting. just be a good person why is it this hard

#there’s a reason i didn’t shit talk even in privacy and this is why it feels bad #like venting. fine whatever sometimes people fuck up #but i’m just. exhausted and it makes me feel bad. fucking get along with each other #also one of my very close friends keeps telling people about a crush someone has and yes neither of us like her at all but being put in her #- position is literally one of my worst fears it’s just humiliating #and also yknow. maybe i am sensitive and too earnest but also maybe some of y’all could stand to gain some of that.#and this friend is the one who i’ve talked to for days about how we both felt unwelcome last year and wanted to fix it and she just.#is sometimes genuinely mean and doesn’t seem to want to fix it #i know they’re good people but why is it so hard to do the right thing #i’m also just constantly aware of my position and don’t know how not to live in others perspectives. maybe to a fault but i would rather #- that be my fault #it’s also. i think it’s a little too easy for them to dismiss the marginalizations of others #i’m a . political person there’s no way around it but more than that like. if a system makes things better for disabled people maybe it’s #- worth the fucking extra effort. you’ve never lived with having things barred from you because of disability maybe. don’t be against it #- just bc you don’t like the person who proposed it #this is such a stupid vent ignore me this is what happens when i stop using finch #ted talks

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