#idk maybe one day ill meet someone irl who is real and who will want me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seokahwrites · 3 years

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growing pains

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pairing.

| high school graduate! min yoongi x high school junior! reader

summary.

| people always said you must let go of what you love, and you finally understand what it means.

tags.

| i am so sorry; this comes from a PERSONAL trauma; i love writing angst; blond yoongi supremacy; ykw min yoongi supremacy in general; reader is emotionally mature asf; reader is girlboss; you could say this could be canon/irl?

a/n.

| sorry for all my nuisance readers that are waiting for the next chapters :P IDK WHEN IMMA PICK THAT UP AGAIN. but i present this min yoongi angst that made me very happy to write, tbh came close to tears while writing it. sorry if the writing is kinda everywhere, hope yall like it tho <33 as always thank u for the massive support and love,, love u all

you weren’t quite sure where all the time went. one day you were brushing your teeth for your first day of school, then boom, you’ve finished your third year of high school. it’s similar to how just yesterday you were helping a tiny kid pick up his soiled cd’s and backpack from a puddle and eleven years later you’re watching him graduate.

well, you didn’t get to actually see yoongi graduate since you were too busy making preparations for the night, but that’s besides the point. tonight had to be perfect.

it is goodbye after all.

who knew that the inseparable min yoongi and y/n l/n would ever have to pull away from each other this way. that little shit better appreciate all the spine bending effort you put into making the spot so amazing — not that it wasn’t great before.

with a literal pat to the back and your hands on your hips, you look around the roof with an uncontainable grin, the flashes of purple and blue from the string lights reflected on the gloss of your eyes, every inhale was overtaken with the smell of coffee seeping from the ice cream tubs and a warm seat on the patio couch awaited, along with fuzzy blankets galore.

you’ve outdone yourself this time.

your hands lean against the cold stone at the edge of the terrace and your eyes wandered to the city that laid beneath your feet, from the green hills at the centre of it all to the luminescence of the glass buildings, there wasn’t a single droplet of air that didn’t feel like home.

tap, tap.

speaking of home, you hear familiar soft footsteps from the staircase, snapping you from your little daze and guiding your way to the entrance, your jazz hands in the air and a smile on your face. god, he was gonna love it.

“surprise!”

yoongi reacts a moment too late, his head snapping up and his graduation cap almost falling from his head. the boy was clad with a blue gown, he looked so mature for a mere second — but it was yoongi after all. his eyes widen before his peach lips make a silent “oh,” the entirety of his gums and teeth making an appearance along with the plumping of his cheeks. your heart falters for a moment at the sight, even worse when his eyes disappear into crescent moons that were surely stolen from the sky.

min yoongi looks pretty. not only that, but min yoongi was ecstatic.

“wow,” his head looked from left to right and top to bottom, “the spot looks great.”

you follow him with tiny steps and once you’re close enough to the couch, you push yoongi onto the plush seat, heading to the cooler and grabbing the ice cream, “i just put a few lights and blankets to be honest,” you take a seat beside him and he covers the both of you with the stack of blankets, “it wasn’t a lot of trouble, really.”

yoongi throws away his graduation cap and wiggles out of the flimsy gown, brushing his fingers through his platinum hair and taking a deep breath before snatching the spoon from your hold, “it’s still perfect.”

come on, y/n. pull yourself together. you tell yourself, but it’s hard when yoongi of all people is sitting beside you under the moonlight, stuffing his mouth with ice cream and glowing.

your memory isn’t quite clear as to when exactly did yoongi stop existing to you but glowing, instead. there’s so many moments to remember.

perhaps it was actually the very first moment you laid eyes on him. your rubber boots were muddy and your yellow raincoat was absolutely drenched, no puddle escaped from your stomps. but just as you were a few houses away from yours you see a figure laying beside a puddle and you realise that maybe that person did not want to be laying down in the cold rain.

and all it took was for you to pick up a kid’s shit from a pool of dirty water to meet min yoongi and shortly after, you were practically attached at the hip.

or it very well could be the night before your big sister moved away, your sobs must’ve escaped through the open windows because min yoongi was knocking at your door in no time — the signature two fast knocks and two slow ones. you were only an 11 year old who had never experienced such a change, and it only dawned upon you that night.

yoongi stayed with you for hours on end until you fell asleep on his lap, still with trembling breaths, but your mind eventually steered away from the fact you weren’t going to annoy your sister before going to school every morning anymore — she can’t put up with you during college — and it focused on yoongi’s cold fingers stroking through every strand of your hair ever so delicately and how warm he actually felt.

and there you were, the same kids with your head on his shoulder only this time, he was the one leaving.

“what’s up with you?” he asks as if he had read your mind.

you pull your hood over your head and you smile a bit for whatever reason, “i don’t wanna talk about it.”

he flicks your forehead, the fucker. the abuse makes you sit up, glaring at him with incredulous eyes and you’re about to say a profanity but he beats you to it, “we need to talk about it, y/n.”

and it pains you how nonchalant he sounds.

you slap your hands to your knees and purse your lips, “fine.”

yoongi finally puts down the ice cream — only a spoon of it left. “we both knew this was coming since freshman year, y/n.”

you scoff, as if knowing a goodbye was coming makes it any easier. “that doesn’t make it better.”

his hand makes its way to yours, placed on top of your fist, that melts into an open palm, with utter ease. still, you pull away, “please, don’t do that.”

and you wince at your own tone. it wasn’t like it’s yoongi’s fault that he’s moving away forever. or maybe it was.

it was unfair of you to say, but the weight on your chest had to have a reason, someone to blame. as yoongi’s best friend, of course you love him more than anything in the world and you’ll always support whatever decisions he needs to make to properly follow his dreams. but as the person that plays with the line of friends and more with yoongi, you almost want to beg him to stay. to stay so he could — for lack of a better word — like you, now isn’t that selfish.

yoongi blinks slowly, “we’ve talked about this y/n.”

ah, of course you have. you’ve talked about whatever the fuck this was several times, some of them were in between your interlaced fingers, others resided in the silence as you slept in the same bed and a lot of them echoed from your bitter words. but, once again, is that supposed to make things better?

the day you told him what you really felt for him is crystal clear in your memory, not only for the painful pubescent confession but yoongi’s own news he needed to share. perhaps your relationship was always ill-fated, yoongi had a scraped knee while you reeked of rainwater and you uttered an i love you while yoongi announced he couldn’t stay by your side. the irony.

your eyes are glassy with unspilled tears when you look up at him. why were you so weak?

“stop acting like it isn’t hard on me too,” he sniffles and shuts his eyes with more force than necessary. oh.

you bite your lip and look away at the guilty sight, afraid of what may come out if you don’t. but, if he does know of the turmoil you feel, why is he still insisting?

cold fingers meet your jaw, pushing you with that same delicacy from years ago until you meet his own concealed bloodshot eyes, “you’re not the only person who’s been in—,” he stumbles with his words, “—liked the other for the last decade, you know?”

why did he have to say it out loud? he’s only making it sound real.

maybe, it was actually your fault. if you hadn’t decided to tell yoongi of the butterflies in your stomach, you could’ve pushed them away and let the fantasy live as fiction. but no, you told him about the damn critters and they’ve been eating away at your core ever since, desperate to come out because min yoongi liked you and he was right in front of you ready to be liked right back, yet you could never reach him.

min yoongi was fishing stars from atop jupiter and you were still dancing on saturn’s rings.

you lean into his touch, placing your own hand on his and chuckling at his cheesy line, “that’s just how lucky i am,” and your attempt at humour makes the corners of yoongi’s mouth lift just a little bit.

his thumb glides on the skin it could reach, “so can’t we just have a night like every other one we’ve spent together?”

classic min yoongi.

but as to yourself, you were sick of ignoring things. you were tired of how your heart throbbed whenever you’d fit your face into yoongi’s neck so effortlessly, as if it was only natural; tired of your cheeks along with the rest of your skin burning with every thoughtless caress and sweet nothings he would whisper at the dead of night; and you were tired of your eyes prioritising yoongi’s soft lips over every other feature on his face and how much you yearned to touch them with your own — of how you’d always catch his gaze mirroring yours.

a person could only take so much and you were bursting at the seams already.

still, you only nod.

the silence became unbearable by the minute, even with your head on his shoulder and your hands in his pocket, there was so much that wanted to get out — yoongi would only need to say the right wrong words for all of it to come spilling out. so you speak first, making sure that doesn’t happen.

“it’s gonna be weird without you, y’know?”

you feel his cheeks puff up, subtle as ever “of course,” he squeezes your pinky out of pure habit, “who’s gonna make home cooked meals for me if you mom ain’t around,” and you wish you could white out the blue in his words.

“i swear—,” you chuckle and cross your arms, lifting your head to stare back at the constellations, “—she probably cried more than me when i told her you were leaving.”

before the words could echo back in your head, your eyes are back on yoongi and the boy is staring at the floor with a flood threatening to break out from his eyes.

you just had to open your mouth, huh.

your mouth forms incoherent noises in a miserable attempt to make up for your little slip up, but to no avail. yoongi only shakes his head and looks at you, the way his shoulders slumped exposing that he was trying just as hard to pull it together, maybe even harder.

“me too,” he utters, and you don’t fully understand what he means by that.

a bubble seems to form around the both of you, locking you in your own little world with yoongi, as it always happens when you let him entrance you for a moment too long, and in those seconds that spread to hours you just want to float away, you’re not sure where to but the gloss in his eyes are enough to guide the way.

“y/n,” don’t, “i’m gonna mi—.”

pop.

“please don’t,” you hate the venom that seeps from your tongue, “please stop, yoongi.��

and you want your tears to come thundering over your cheeks, for the red you’re holding in to shoot out from your heart, just so you could show him an inch of what you’re feeling. but you can’t. you shouldn’t.

yoongi’s soft eyes sharpen, “why don’t you want me to say it?”

no, no. that’s a lie.

of course you want to hear him say it. you want yoongi’s voice to sing every word of affection he has to tell you, you want to be wrapped with the smell of yoongi’s embrace, for him to whisper every sin for only your ears to hear and you want nothing more than to remain in every moment you’ve spent with him.

you look down, “if you say things out loud, they might come true.”

he races to grip your hands over his lap, “but it is.”

it is, it is, it is.

you blink away your tears before gazing back at your little piece of the sky, a smile never present in his pouty lips, yet you still read every pore of his skin like the back of your hand.

“yoongi,” you despise your sniffling tone, “let’s face the facts. you’re gonna be hundreds of kilometres away in a big city, i’m gonna be stuck in our little neighbourhood for who knows how long and all we can do is try to forget each other,” your voice breaks, “what could it possibly lead to?”

as you said those words, the reality of it all was coming to hit you with a second wave. the crack of what you both hoped to be was audible in the sounds of you settling back into yoongi’s hold, the silent sobs — that you convinced yourself came from the moon and stars, not from your min yoongi — even more so from the silence that came after your speech.

you could’ve asked yoongi to stay, of course you could have — you wanted it more than anything else. but you knew that he would stay and change his mind in a heartbeat if it was for you, and you couldn’t allow your boy to throw away his dreams for something as meaningless as love — or at least, you try to convince yourself it is.

perhaps yoongi would move on, he would find another person and start a family, have three children and a beautiful house and he’d be living off from all the music he gave to the world all this years ago, just like he always dreamed. perhaps you’d only be a fond memory he would look back on from time to time whenever he’d laugh at old memories after a few drinks with his beloved.

or maybe — and dare you say, hopefully — yoongi would never move on, he would work around the clock with the thought of coming back into your arms and nothing else. he would never leave his cheap tiny studio, only stepping outside during the rise of the moon and he would look at the stars, remembering that a person in daegu is in love with him with all they’ve got and that would be enough to keep him company. because you know for a fact, for the way your heart beats at the mere thought of him, that you would never stop loving min yoongi.

at the present, side by side breathing is more than enough.

“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

and he truly is.

“i can die happy.”

should i make a permanent taglist? idk TELL ME IF U WANNA BE IN IT

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daddy-daichis · 3 years

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Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed...

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage.

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot.

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible.

Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy...

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them.

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart.

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao).

#i cant believe i spent 2 hours on this.#im just so in love with 2d characters #about me

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jewpacabruhs · 4 years

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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isabelbuccellati · 5 years

Note

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

So actually someone asked all of the questions! uwu!

1- Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Definitely a girlfriend!

2- When did your last hug take place?

Oh God I can't remember! Maybe, just maybe, like 3 or 4 weeks ago when I hugged my sister, who I hadn't seen for a long time.

3- Are you a jealous person?

Mostly not. Sometimes partners mistake being laid-back with lack of feelings but the truth is, jealousy feels bad, like really really bad and I choose not to overthink things in order to not get jealous. In life in general I couldn't be more pleased when people achieve their goals, get nice things and succeed, so no jealousy either!

4- Are you tired right now?

That's my secret Cap, I'm always tired. Excepting for the rare occasions when I get energetic out of nothing and it lasts a couple of hours.

5- Do you chew on your straws?

I used to chew on everything that went in my mouth, but since I stopped biting my nails, the urge for biting on anything went away as well.

6- Have you ever been called a tease?

Uhmmm... I don't think so.

7- Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Twice! One was a couple months ago, I stayed up in Tumblr posting a lot of crap. The second was back in 2015, when I went to the Empire of the Sun concert. I was so excited that I couldn't sleep for a couple of days, and also I went to the hotel where Luke was and luckily I met him and also met Mac DeMarco. After that I went to a square near the hotel and slept in a bench lol.

8- Do you cry easily?

Damn I do! When I get too emotional, too angry or remember things from my past. Also with some songs or movies.

9- What should you be doing right now?

Idk! I'm in bed right now. If we are talking about duties, I have none. Maybe taking a shower or getting breakfast. If we talk about what I want to do, I should be getting ready to go to an illistrators event taking place today, because I want to meet wisidora. But I'm broke and have no company to go.

10- Are you a heavy sleeper?

I am! If you move, kick or talk to me, there's a high chance that I won't react.

11- Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

My shortest relationship lasted a year, so yes!

12- Are you mad at someone right now?

There's always a couple of people I'm mad at.

13- Do you believe in love?

I do. In all kinds of love, not just romantic.

14- What makes you laugh no matter what?

Random memes and my cats.

15- Who was the last person you talked to?

In person, my mom last night (it's 09:47am at the moment of writing this). From internet, @abri-chan.

16- Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

Yeah, it has happened a couple times in the past.

17- Will you get married?

I have no actual plans for getting married, but who knows...

18- When was the last time you smiled?

Half an hour ago, but it was because I was trying to mimic Cioccolata's twisted smile in the mirror.

19- Does anyone like you?

A lot of people say that I'm nice and fun, so that may be a yes. As in romantic liking, I think no one does.

20- Do you secretly like someone?

I do "secretly" like someone. But it's not so secret when you send drunk texts confessing your feelings lol.

21- Who was the first person you talked to today?

I've been awake for almost 3 hours and I haven't talked to anyone, both internet and in person.

22- Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

As I said in a previous similar post, I can talk about any topic with @abri-chan. She's one of the coolest people I've met here.

23- What are you NOT looking forward to?

Getting old, catching some terminal illness and never achieving my goals.

24- What ARE you looking forward to?

Exploring the world, never stop learning new things and meeting all my Tumblr friends IRL.

25- Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Looking back, I've been told I love you various times. If they meant it, I highly doubt it.

26- Suppose you see your ex kissing another person, what would you do?

I mean, my ex was married so I guess it's normal. So I would do nothing.

27- Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

With things going on like they are actually, I will live with my mom until I die.

28- Are you a forgiving person?

Only if you realize and accept your mistakes. If not, begone forever!

29- How many TRUE friends do you have?

Uhmmm... Just one online, zero in person.

30- Do you fall for people easily?

Not so easily now. My standards have raised and my heart hardened after all these years and experiences.

31- Have you ever fallen for your ex's best friend?

Never! And I would never.

32- What's the last thing you put in your mouth?

A cigarette.

33- Who was the last person you drove with?

I don't drive nor have a car. But I'm always the copilot when my bf's best friend drives, as I hold his energy drinks and light his cigarettes.

34- How late did you stay up last night and why?

Near 3 am. I was writing a reply to an RP and then went to sleep.

35- If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Of course I would. Someone marry me and take me to the US please.

36- Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Myself lol. And my mom, a couple days ago because she was drinking coffee in my Giorno cup.

37- Can you live a day without TV?

I don't like TV that much, so yes.

38- When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

Earlier this year, when I asked someone important for help, medical help. And they said that they were short on cash but if I waited three months they could aid me. Next month they got a yearly gym membership, duh.

39- Three names you go by...

Isabel (my middle name), Mariana (my first name but I don't like it) and Enana (midget in Spanish, my bf calls me that).

40- Are you currently in a relationship?

Yes. Sometimes you have to listen to your brains instead of your heart.

41- What is your all-time favorite romantic movie?

I'm not that into romantic movies, but every time that 13 going on 30 is on the TV I have to watch it. Love the soundtrack.

42- Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?

Nope. I don't believe in soulmates. What if mine lived 400 years ago or hasn't even been born? It doesn't make sense. I believe that people can get along pretty well, share a lot of things in common and fall in love.

43- What's your current problem?

I can't get a job and need psychological therapy.

44- Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yes, a couple of times. Feels bad, man, and it takes a lot to heal it back.

45- Your thoughts of long distance relationships

Never had one. I think they can work if there's real chances to see the other one in person. There's so much that a text message can't express, and we as humans crave other's company. Also who doesn't want to have their special one close to them?

46- How many kids do you want to have?

Zero! No kids for me, I can barely take care of myself and bringing kids in this circumstances would be irresponsible from my part.

47- Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

A little, because I get nervous. But when I'm drunk, the words just flow.

#dare asks #personal

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julianmakesmydickhard · 5 years

Note

Hey, I just saw your latest post about personal questions. When you mentioned ”real friends, ” I was thinking about mine. Sometimes, I'm really frustrated about my own feelings and allowing my ”friends” to be there for me. Sorry if this was long, but my question is: What makes a ”real friend?” If so, are you happy with the friends you have now?

fck dude, i know what you mean :( I hope you will be able to sort any emotions or problems or literally whatever you’re dealing with, concerning your friends!!

also so im not sure which question it was where i talked about real friends, maybe you were talking about #55?? :0

okay anyways, here’s my opinion on what a real friend is!

for me personally, a real friend is someone who is there for you, you know? someone who you have no hesitation or doubt to express your emotions and feelings. someone who you are able to share both your joy and your sadness with. If you were to suddenly meet your favorite celeb or go to a really fun event or somethn, who would you tell? likewise, if you were experiencing trouble at home, or in a relationship, or whatever, who would you feel comfortable telling?

for me, someone who is just so kind to me. someone who is actually genuinely excited to talk with me, and who doesn’t see me as a bore or a nuisance to talk with. ahhh, this is so hard to explain sksksk,,

and like, idk man, sometimes, i’ll stay on the phone for like, hours, with a friend. but like, we’re not talking or anything, it’s more like they understand how much being in the presence of someone else, comforts me, and they stay on the phone, even if we dont have anything to talk about. because they know how much i love even just their presence. does this even make sense sksksk?? im weird lol

so, am i happy with the friends i have now??

ooof, im gonna go with a phat no on that one. in my real life, i just haven’t reached that point of trust with someone. even with my current friends right now,, i enjoy their friendship with me so so much,,,, but i also, like i said before, dont feel like i can go to them for anything really. i still dont feel like they genuinely look forward to talking or interacting with me. however,,,,,,, man, i cant even express this enough. my online friends that ive made since ive started this blog,, have been like, amazing.

i can be myself around these people. and maybe its because im able to hide behind the shield of not actually seeing them? or being able to hide my face?? who knows?? but i do know that my online friends are some of the most nicest people ive ever met and truly, i feel like theyre more important to me than my irl friends. and ive never even seen them before!! :0 even in these past couple of days, ive talked on the phone with some of them for the first time,, and ahhh it was just so amazing,, fck i love yall sm.

okay im fcking writing a whole essay for this question, but its late and im kinda just rambling at this point oops,, anyways,, if you feel comfortable coming off anon, you can totally sliiide in my dms and we can talk more if you want :D if not, thats all good and ill just leave this here :)

i hope everything works out with your friends and your emotions and all that very very soon. i know what it’s like to be you bb,, you got this!

#why tf did i write a goddamn essay jesus #sfw asks #deep talk

6 notes · View notes

the-trth-untold · 5 years

Note

now its ur turn. do all of the sweetheart asks.

god jsjsjhdjk im just letting u kno these answers r gonna be BORING but hhhh THANK U

1. Talk about your first love.

i’ve never been in love, never been in a relationship before. BUT i can vaguely remember my first crush back in 2nd grade. all i can remember was that his name was kyle and he was the only boy who ever spoke to me and my brain just went !!!

2. What’s the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS or What Was Our Love All About - Adrian Milanio and Marylou Villegas

these are just two that i can think of there are A LOT of beautiful songs

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

fine??

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

i dont really do any self care things??

5. What’s your skincare routine?

i dont do any skincare routines either... ik im a monster

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

u must be blind if u think that

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

i used to have over 50 stuffed animals, i would always place them all over my bed neatly but i got rid of them now :(

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

Myrtle Beach, SC because it was my first vacation spot and i was so happy seeing two dolphins close to the shore

9. Favorite thing about your room?

the color of my walls and blankets lol mint green and peach colors

i dont have anything cool in my room

10. Opinion on love?

i mean, it’d be nice to experience it some day and i hope i do but right now im content being by myself

11. Are you affectionate?

if i know you very well i can be, if not im very awkward and will barely make any eye contact with you

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to people who have struggled a lot in their life, people who can be optimistic in any situation

13. Favorite poet?

i dont read much poetry, but i loved reading some things Emily Dickinson has published

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

honestly any disney song makes me happy! im a huge disney nerd and listening to any of those songs makes me feel nostalgic.

when im in a bad place, any slow, ballad sounding song can calm me down

15. Do you play an instrument?

i played the flute in middle school but dropped it after less than a week LOL

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i like doing digital art but im not good at it and i dont have adobe illustrator anymore so i haven’t done anything recently

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i cannot dance and no one will make me

IM TOO EMBARRASSED EVEN IF IM ALONE HAHAHA

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra

i somewhat believe in astrology, i know there’s more to it than just your sun sign and there are different placements that make you different from the stereotypical traits people use for each sign

a lot of the “things about each sign” can be used for anyone because the responses can be very vague and many people can relate to

19. Favorite old film?

too many

the shining, the breakfast club, carrie, pretty in pink, etcetcetc

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk its a mess

curly/wavy and i have hardcut bangs

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

fall weather, where its like 50 F (or 10 C for all u weirdos out there), cold enough to put on a flannel and boots

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them. (IM SORRY THIS WAS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT ITS SO CUTE AND FUNNY AND I RELATE)

23. Are you in love right now?

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

i dont have a crush lol

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

yes!!! i have two gorgeous puppies!!! if u wanna check them out u can follow my instagram i post them all the time @ the.moon.atomic

they’re such dorks but they fit my household idk how to describe it they just belong in my house hahha

26. Do you have a lucky number?

i dont really believe in lucky numbers

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

no, and i never heard about wishing on a fallen eyelash haha

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

no???????? i dont even know what that is

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

when people finally stop hiding their true selves, show their real smiles, and laugh so hard they snort

idk i just love people, well, most anyway sjsjhzjdsk

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

love them

theyre such pure colors and they just remind me of newborn babies hahaha

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano definitely

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

yes! yes to both! i love rain more though, sorry wind

34. Who makes you happy?

my friends, family, and my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

listening to music

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

ohh well i’d be living on germany for starters hahaha

id like to have my own house, maybe living with a best friend

definitely like 5784538902 cats and dogs, i love them

at some point id like to have a relationship LOL

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

only on rare days ill put on makeup, i only use eyeshadow, liner, and mascara and ive never gone to a store thats just for make up, i just go to a pharmacy lol

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

only if i absolutely have to, the dress i wore for my senior pictures is my favorite

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

noo, ive never been in a relationship

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

i kinda really dont have one, not irl anyway

@neo-bangtan @mini-pretzel are my closest friends online, i love everything about u guys

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

im isfj

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

uh idk?? i wouldnt want to be immortal so

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

acid jazz singer - the fratellis

45. Parlez-vous français?

no my french sucks

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

honestly i cant think of any place pennsylvania sucks ahhaha

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

home...... my bed...... LOL

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

only if im not looking at myself lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

slip ons or my new balance

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

N O i am so accident prone i can barely walk barefoot without tripping

51. Do you feel loved?

kinda? sometimes?

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

just giving them a hug lol or saying i love you

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

no ones ever called me any but i like baby, im a simple girl

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

nothing?

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

meeting new people who share the same interests

56. Are you happy right now?

im pretty neutral atm

57. What makes you smile?

really awful jokes that ARENT EVEN FUNNY AND TALKING DASHA AND KARINA

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i guess??

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

soft vibes i guess haha

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i dont see myself marrying but if i would it would definitely be for love

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

i dont really want to get married, most of the time it ends in divorce and theres just a lot of paper work and its a hassle i dont see a point in it

62. Favorite flower?

hydrangeas

63. Favorite artist?

edgar degas

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

i try to be kind to everyone, i dont know if others perceive me that way but i think kindness is very important to me

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

once and i loved it, pls ask me to make a playlist for u

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music and a soft blanket

68. Early bird or night owl?

early bird

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed. (AGAIN THIS IS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT HHAHAHAHA)

70. Night routine?

shower and watch netflix until i fall asleep

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

being humble

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

yes yes and yes

im such a cry baby i will cry at everything if u yell at me or if disappoint u im so sensitive

73. Do you like hugs?

yes but i dont receive many hugs

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

never

75. Are you small or tall?

small, 5′4 or 164cm

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

who doesnt

77. Favorite thing about the past?

anything that makes me feel nostalgic

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

yes

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

nooo

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

ive never been on a plane

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

82. The beach or a forest?

beach

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

when im sleeping lol

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

i try to

85. Favorite kind of tree?

what kind of question is this i dont know anything about trees

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i want to but i dont do anything for it

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

fieldtrips in school

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

i try to read more, my favorite book is more happy than not

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

disney, i just put my christmas tree down and the ornaments are disney characters

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

honesty i guess?

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

my eyes

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after i bathe

93. Do you worry a lot?

yes all the time

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

96. Favorite pastry?

??????????? i dont know??????????

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

YEAH

98. How’s your day/night going?

fine so far, i dont have to work today so im just chillaxing

17 notes · View notes

wolgrahas · 5 years

Text

not to be horny on main bbbuuut....

it’s a fuck-ass long rant so beware lads ;’)

i just want to find someone who i can have a deep connection with and.... fuck a lot ahgagahahssjkd

i’m a virgin and i’m horny and i have severe social anxiety and i wanna fuck with someone afdhsdagsdshs, but... with someone i love ://

and the worst thing is that i’ve been reading a lOT of smut aka written porn with felings the past days and fffffcukkkk i just wanna have someone i can share my body with and both feel good... and i’m 20 which makes everything worse bc i have never had sex and neither i’ve been interested in anyone (just... one boy... in high school... who was the only one who treated me well and well... i was 14 and fucking depressed and my family and friends treated me like shit so it was like “oooooh shit, someone who treats me well... now i wanna fuck him :))” it was kind of weird tbh, tho we didn’t even talked that much sfhfsgdagsfsdc)

and one of the worst things is that... if i hate my (naked) body so fucking much that i can’t even show it to my mother, nor sister..... and especially any doctor (and worse if they’re a man afshsfahsfg) (and yes, a gynecologist has never checked on me agswfgdfgf) how the fUCK AM I GOING TO BE NAKED IN FRONT OF SOMEONE???? i mean... in the dress up rooms i had to change my clothes in one of the bathroom’s cabins while the rest of the girls dressed up in front of each other... and i remember the first time i had to take a shower in a broading school and i.... started crying in silence bc the glasses that separated every shower weren’t opaque :)))) ffuck... i just hate being this weak... i wanna cry m8

i’m losing the chance of meeting wonderful people and having great experiences bc of my mental illnesses... bc they make me feel like shit with such simple stuff like buying food in a supermarket or take a walk outside??? g0D i’m sooooo fucking tired man.... i just wanna be able to talk to people like a normal person, i don’t even want to be the life of the party ://

i’m so desperate to find someone who i can have a deep connection with... bc i have never had someone who understood me fully... who had the same interests... who we could share the same points of view... who i could be intimate... i have nEVER been myself with friends, sometimes i was myself with my family but they called (and keep calling me) stupid for expressing how i’m feeling or my thoughts... i just want someone who i can rely on...

i was used to be alone most of my life... but this emptiness... this loneliness... this... hatred towards.... myself??? it is MCfucking exhausting, i can no longer stand it, i’m tired. but... what if i’m a manipulative, toxic lil bitch with my partner??? what if i’m an asshole??? what if i......... fuck things up??? what if.... idk man, i just think that i will be hateful bitch... bc my family always told me that i was a “psycho” and a “snake” some years ago... well... my mother was the one who used to tell me these things mostly.... bc at first i hid my hatred towards her, but at the end i didn’t even care if she got offended tbqh and also: she’s a fucking abusive bitch agadfahd, bUT... i was angry, so sO fucking angry at them, so misunderstood and so alone... so... hated....i felt so guilty bc my mother is a single mother... and sometimes i thought she would had prefered if she had aborted me (even she told me that some months ago when we were arguing ahgdfhadghadg). besides, my life was a living hell in elementary and high school... and then come back home and see that they treated me the same way wasn’t something quite wonderful y’know??, and i told them numerous times about how the bulies made fun of me and criticized my physical appearance (they constatntly called me “ugly” and even nicknamed me in elementary/high school lol) and they just usually said: “fight back” and i always thought: “gREAT BITCH, how can i fight if i stutter just looking at the bullies?????” and they were a group of six i think??? idk, and ofc, they were boys another point to prove why men suck :)))

now, how the fUCK can i have someone special in my life if i get nervous by just hearing people of my age come closer??? fffUCKKKKKKKKKKK bc in the php center i shared these thoughts and the other patients and therapist were like “but you have to meet new people to find the ‘special’ one :)” bITCH thank you i cOULDN’T EVEN KNOW THANKS FOR YOUR FUCKING ADVICE ughhhhhh, obviously i knew that shit, i just wanted to get it out of my chest and they just told me obvious stuff?? ok thanks... perks of being the only one who had severe social anxiety / avpd in the php center i guess??? ughhhh, obviously i smiled and said “thank you” bc i’m not an asshole :))), perhaps a fake bitch for not saying my real thoughts?? maybe

and besides... i haven’t talked about this with my psychologist, and i think is one of the most important things that is happening in my current life, bc srsly: i’m horny aLLL THE FUCKING TIME, but i don’t even wanna fuck anyone real, in my fantasies my partner doesn’t even have a face, it is just... the enjoyment of sharing something with someone you love and both having a good time, to be intimate with someone... but irl if a guy touches me like a handshake or touches my shoulder i become so fucking tense... with women same but not as much... i remember one of the php center therapies was massages and g0DDD i hated so fUCKING MUCHHH bc idk how the fUCK therapists didn’t notice how tense i was m8, i wanted to run away when we had that therapy and... ughhhhh i thought i was gonna die when my companion was a guy shghsfghf i just wanted to kick him the balls and run the fuck away and cry like a baby

and what i also hate about my situation is that i know lOTS of theory about: psychological and other forms of abuse when you are in a relationship (so basically, you can know when a guy is being an asshole, tho it’s not that easy bc you are in a such a bad mental state that you don’t even notice), advice when going to parties (which... tbh... i’ve never been in one, and in spain... people party a LOT agsfgfs), human physiology (y’kno... for the... ahem... sexual stuff ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), tho it’s useless bc the first time is nothing like you expect gdnabdnhgjad i guess??), postures, etc... and NO, I DIDN’T GET THIS INFORMATION BC OF PORN (basically, bc the porn industry is an industry full of abuses, sexism, unrealism and darker stuff y’kno, so... ahem... i hope the men in that industry leave women alone and those same women choke those men to death :))) ) i got it mostly by articles by sexologists and .... y’kno... people on the interenet which... i know is not a good idea ahaghhghgghgsa

but anyway... i know i don’t have to rush... but.................. i wanna meet someone who i can be myself with??? who i can hold hands with?? who i can share the same interests?? who i can be... ahem... intimate??? that’s my wet dream m8, the sexual stuff is mostly my fantasy... but i think is bc our current society is oversexualized and quite obsessed with sex?? (thanks to the porn industry that basically only focus in the man’s pleasure and how to treat women like shit :))) ) but..... g0D, pls, why did you make me like this?? i’m such a fucking weird nerd m8, i don’t even know i’ll meet someone who i like??? all my crushes have been fictional characters?? and only one (1) guy at high school when i was 14 asfgshsfjhsjdhsgdhdg, and obviously nobody has ever had a crush on me ://, so i guess i’ll die alone ahghdsg

anyway thanks for reading the weird adventures in rami’s head, it was a pleasure lmao

#rami.txt #don't reblog pls!! ;_))#negative #like.... i just wanna write about this bc i cANNOT stop thinking about this shit :////

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batslime · 6 years

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taggt ( by @wesminator )

Last:

Drink- im schlurpin mtn dew rn

Phone call- my mom to make sure she knew we needed cat food

Text- showing this awful thing to @succubus

Song- ddu-du ddu-du by black pink ( that doesnt even sound the way its spelled and i had to look at it again bc of that )

Time you cried- i dont remember probably while i was watching a movie or smt

Ever:

Been depressed- b o y

Gotten drunk and thrown up- i dont go to parties because i live in the middle of nowhere and ive never been drunk i dont like alcohol enough to get to that point

In the last year have you:

Made new friends- ya

Fallen outta love- YA

Laughed until you cried- no

Found out someone was talking about you- just today my manager told me one of the part time mans texts him to say ive been “acting up” ( i said something to her she didnt get so i told her not to try so hard bc i could smell the smoke coming from her ears ) and he straight up tells her shes stupid fgvhjb

Met someone who changed you- for the worse yes lmao

Found out who your friends are- I’ve found out who my friends aren’t!

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list- Maybe???? ive remade it so many times/ never go on i dont remember if i have any exes besides @succubus

General:

Fave color- im always a slut for pink but i also love rich greens and lavender

How many Facebook friends do you know IRL - why is a tumblr meme probably aged at like teenage-twenty year olds even asking about facebook

Any pets - rn i have three cats

Do you wanna change your name - legally ya

What did you do for your last birthday - I dont remember i was probably still at home jobless and sad

What were you doing last night at midnight - working on miniatures

What is something you can’t wait for - @succubus is coming over next month, next paycheck, to get the energy to work on all my projects again, genji nendroid

What are you listening to - i just left blackpink playing after i had to look that title up

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - idk

Something that gets on your nerves - god everything lately im like a time bomb

Most visited website - Tumblr and Youtube

Hair colour - Black/ dark brown

Hair length - i cut it asymmetrically l recently and shaved it back in march on the sides so its. all over the place

Do you have crush on someone - i have a crush on being a better and more productive and happier and richer person

What do you like about yourself - lets not start this lol

Want any piercing - not rn im too depressed to take care of my body on a regular basis

Blood type- b+

Nicknames-

Zodiac - capricorn

Pronouns - She/Her or They/Them is fine.

Fave TV show - I dont watch tv occasionally tho ill go into netflix and play whatevers nice to listen to while i work, like forensic files or movies im really familiar with

Tattoos - i dont rly like the way they look i think n when i do see designs i like i like seeing them on other ppl, im too fickle for them myself. i used to do designs for ppl tho

Right or left handed - Right-handed

Ever had surgery - to have my teeth removed and tbh id be terrified and i think id really rather just die if i ever needed under-anesthetic under-the-knife surgery for multiple reasons

Sports - no

Vacation - i like vegas, theres lots of countries id love to see but ive never been out of the states. im too poor and scared to do that rn esp alone

More general:

Eating - i love squishy foods but ive been craving crunchy stuff a lot lately too. ive been getting bowls of ice to take to my room while i work

Drinking- i drink like three things and that mtn dew, water w crystal lite, and match fraps

About to watch- i dont watch stuff much i just play whatever i can presently stand hearing while i work

Waiting to-

Get married - god no i literally just wanna live alone i dont wanna have to see people in my house while im trying to force myself to work or walking around naked i dont wanna be responsible for another person

Which is better:

Hugs or kisses - i dont like to be tocuhed

Lips or eyes -

Shorter or taller -

Nice arms or stomach - these are like. really obscure selections

Troublemaker or hesitant -

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger - no

Drunk hard liquor - no

Lost glasses - yeah i just toss em at the end of my bed at night

Turned someone down - um i work retail and look like a teenager i can hardly fucking go in public without some random ugly ass dude thinking he can talk to me lol

Been arrested - no

Cried when someone died - i dont think so just animals as far as i can recall, i havent lost anyone close.

Fallen for a friend - ya

Do you believe in:

Yourself - Yeh boi!

st sight - for like animals or shows or smt. if youre talking about another person. thats called attraction and calling it love is creepy and unhealthy and an obsolete concept that we need to nip in the ass tbh. i hear a disproportionate amnt of guys to girls say this and its like always someone they meet in public or whatever. im sure if i were desperate and self hating enough to humor any of the losers who try me theyd say it like five years down the line too. you dont know who tf somebody really is til youve known them for years and gone though real shit and seen how they respond. ive always found “love at first sight” creepy

Kiss on the first date - idk

Angels - maybe

Others:

Best friend’s name - i call her a disgrace and the cause of my death but other ppl call her franky/ alexa

Eye colour - Brown

Fave movie -

Fave actors -

franky ive already tagged you like eight times. also im done working for the day. if you wanna be tagged reblog it and tag yourself im not doing anything else for any more people today

#im sorry im such a downer lately i feel so fucking manic like im tryin but my brains tellin me to bitch about it!

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 5 years

Photo

[A6A6I5] ====>

ROZE: I don't mean ta be too analytical 'bout gett'n ta K-N-to-tha-izzow you, really so i can get mah pimp on. ROZE: I guess comparizzles are shawty hard fo` me ta avoid, S-to-tha-izzince tha adult versizzle of you played sizzay a significant rizzole 'n mah life. ROSE: Holla! So I cizzle help see'n tha similarities when T-H-to-tha-izzey be there. ROZE: Biznut also you be so clearly yizzy own person, shizzle by yo' own experizzles, n that be tha person I would prefa ta git ta know, ratha than a yiznoung avatar fo` tha memorizzle of a departizzle pizzle. ROZE: Yizzy dis be tha context whizzay somewhat inescapablizzle colors mah perception of W-H-to-tha-izzat yizzy reveal. ROZE paper'd up: So whizzle S-to-tha-izzome observations be 'n tha vein of predizzle, charmingly so, mizzle yiznou now pass the glock... ROZE: Playa I regard as frontin' cuz this is how we do it. RIZZLE: what 'bout me be surpris'n? ROZE: Wizzell. ROZE: Yizzay aren't, ROZE: Yizzou don't quite sizzeem like a persizzle whizzo... ROZE: Wanna be gangsta. RIZZLE: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. .....? ROZE: Holla! I don't want ta ask anyth'n thizzay would sound rizzle ta yizzay, or spiteful ta ha. ROZE: Becizzle I don't feel thizzat conflicted 'bout dis anymore if you gots a paper stack. ROZE: Particularly sizzle I had mah own troubles wit it. So it wizzy be P-R-E-Double-Tizzy hypocritical.

ROXY: conflicted 'bout what?

ROZE: Let me back up a shawty. ROZE: It wizzy a lizzay rizzy on thiznat meteor. ROZE: One experiences rhymin' ova a fizzay years, gizzle a lot of time ta think. Chizzles n such. ROZE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. 'bout half wizzay thriznough, I startizzle think'n more... I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. ROZE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. 'bout mizzom. N 'bout you. ROSE doggystyle: Know'n tizzy I'd probably mizzeet you, n. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. I don't know. You gotta check dis shit out yo. Live up ta tha experizzle? ROZE: It S-I-Double-Lizzy, but I'm guess'n you understand what I mizzay.

ROXIZZLE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. :)

ROZE: Basically, I was just nervous. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. ROZE: N it wizzy all mixed up wit ballin' of conflict n remorze shot calla mah motha. ROZE: Who, ta mah hazy preteen recizzle, neva wasted a day 'n mah lizzay on sobriety. ROZE: She and ha habit put all thoze dizzay ta quite effective uze, actizzle. ROZE: N I don't even Q-to-tha-izzuite rememba tha thought process that lizzy ta dis, but, ROZE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. I S-to-tha-izzort of ran wit it tiznoo? Nigga get shut up or get wet up. ROZE: Tha habit, I M-to-tha-izzean with my forty-fo' mag. Fo` a while at L-to-tha-izzeast paper'd up. ROZE: I was still dizzle 'bout los'n ha. N wanted ta understand ha. ROZE: Ta connect wit ha, 'n some way like this and like that and like this and uh. N I gizzay that was tha only idizzle I had so i can get mah pimp on. ROZE: N on some level, I think connect'n wit crazy ass nigga was also a way of prepizzle myself ta meet yizzay... ROZE: Even though that probablizzle makes no senze, know what im sayin? ROZE: Since you aren't literally ha, n don't shizzle all ha... ROZE: I guess I shouldn't S-P-to-tha-izzeak fo` yiznou, T-H-to-tha-izzough where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. RIZZLE now pass the glock: so youre sayin RIZZLE: youre surprize' im unlike ha in that way cauze i diznont sizzeem liznike someone whod git drizzle off motherfucka ass all tha time? ROZE: Um-

ROXY, know what im sayin? hahahizzle ROXY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. wizzell i guess i sizzy be flattered if u rly thizzle so B-to-tha-izzuttttt RIZZLE: wrizzong

ROSE: So... you,

ROXY: mah storys kizzle of like yizzle! ROXY doggystyle: i had a mizzom i neva knew n wanted ta feel cloze ta ha howeva i could ROXY: i G-R-to-tha-izzew up MOSTLY unsupervize' 'n her old old hizouze ROXY fo' real: n it hizzle all dis old stizzle 'n it P-L-to-tha-izzus sizzle old booze squirrelled away H-to-tha-izzere n there ROXY: aaand i just uhhh startizzle up even tho i wizzas WAY too yizzay fizzle shit like T-H-to-tha-izzat WHOOPS.... ROXY: n lizzy i sizzle it was a bit lite on discipline rizzay tizzy, its niznot lizzay a bizzle silly pumpkin hustla were gonna stop me

ROZE: Pumpkin eata puttin tha smack down?

ROXY: chess guys ROXY: loads of them

ROZE: ! I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier.

ROXY: but yeah i wanted ta be like hizzy n do whiznat she did but mostlizzle just made a hizzot catastrophe of mysizzay ROXIZZLE: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. i D-to-tha-izzoubt thizzle be what shizzay wantizzle ROXIZZLE: at tha time it seemed like a coo' th'n a R-to-tha-izzeal intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do whizzay also lead'n a badizzles n secretly subversive life 'n opposizzle of tyranny ROXY: but

RIZZLE: i thizzay what be M-to-tha-izzore likizzle be RIZZLE aww nah: she knew tha whole world wizzle end n everyone would dizzle no crazy ass nigga what she did RIZZLE if you gots a paper stack: whizzle was prizzle hard ta lizzy wit

ROXY: idk if i cizzy bizzy tha old lady fo` wizzle ta git a WIZZEE bizzle saucizzle gangsta a couple of rapp'n clizzle won a presidential election

ROZE so bow down to the bow wow! Y-to-tha-izzeah, I... ROZE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. Wiznait, whizzat? ROZE: Clowns?

ROXY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: liznong story ROXY: biznad story

RIZZLE: plz continue ROZE: Ok. Yizzes, I'm sure mah motha K-N-to-tha-izzew tha end wizzle com'n too. ROZE, ya feel me? Know'n that helped pizzy a lot of ha behavior 'n context fo` me. I was always too young ta understand like a motha fucka.

ROXY: poor M-to-tha-izzoms :( ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy ladizzle us : Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.( :(

ROZE: Truth.

ROXY: but anywizzle ROXY n we out! back ta... us!

RIZZLE: kizzle alive sexy lady us ROZE: Anotha dogg house production. Yizzay. ROZE: Holla! It sounds like yo' Roze hizzay an incredible cracka, bizzy all sippin' considered, I prefa bein kid alizzle sexy lady me.

ROXY n shit: agree ROXY: i kizzy what you mizzay 'bout bein nizzles ROXY: 'bout meet'n you i mizzle ROXY: mizzaybe nervous isnt quite rizzle but ROXY: when i startizzle crack-a-lackin` 'bout sippin' u be when i started thinkin so sit back relax new jacks get smacked...

RIZZLE: i shizzould trizny bein not QUIIITE such a mizzy

ROXIZZLE: so i started takin tha idizzle of clean'n up mah act more seriously

ROZE: Ultimately, I concluded tha same th'n. ROZE: I decided it wouldn't be a verizzle dignify way ta make an entrance. ROZE: Or fo` that poser, a very constructizzle way ta help out 'n a struggle ta preserve realitizzle. ROZE: Luckily, I wizzle able ta cut it out a while ago. I admit, it W-to-tha-izzasn't easy. ROZE: Bizzay it helped a lizzot ta have thugz arizzle look'n out fo` me. ROZE: *Poke.*

KANAYA: ... Chill as I take you on a trip. KANIZZLE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. *Sits Pizzle*

ROXY: yeah i hizzad niggaz hiznelp me too! ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them eitha

ROZE fo gettin yo pimp on: I neva had "IRL" niggaz before dis trizzle. ROZE: It interest'n ta obsizzle tha various ways tizzy applizzle themselves ta yo' benizzle. ROZE: Sizzome thugz be around ta mizzay you F-to-tha-izzeel like yoe wizzle stick'n wit, even when yizzou fuck up doggystyle. ROZE: Hollaz to the East Side. N some thugz be around to kiznick yo' ass ta make sure you don't to increase tha peace.

ROXY: haha ROXIZZLE: i T-H-to-tha-izzink i had ta pizzy tha latta rizzle ta mah niggaz a lot ROXY: n also ta myself i gizzay ROXY: whizzay kicked yo' ass ROXY, chill yo: was it tha yelly homey pusha there?

RIZZY: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied wit his own... shenanigans so bow down to the bow wow! ROZE: Thizzle yell'n be deceptive. He a ratha private person. ROZE with the S-N-double-O-P: Vrizzle, howeva hittin that booty. ROZE: She really be quite an extravagizzle B-to-tha-izzitch.

ROXY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. lmao

ROZE: But it tizzurns out thugz like T-H-to-tha-izzat tend ta have some convenizzle assizzles. ROZE: Sizzle as, tha shea force of personalizzle to keep a bunch of idizzles from fall'n apart with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. ROZE: D-to-tha-izzon't git me wrong. It qizzle annoy'n. ROZE: But... useful.

ROXY fo my bling bling: yizzle ROXY: i probably shiznould hizzay been more of a B-to-tha-izzitch ta all mah pizzay ROXY: maybe we wouldnt hizzle gone ta jail n dy

ROZE: Let it be a lessizzle ta us all. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf.

> [A6A6I5] ====>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg7491

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thisismykindalove · 7 years

Text

I was tagged by @marigoldstaley to do this sooo… here’s goes nothin! (Thank you btw!!)

The Last:

•1. Drink: Real sugar Pepsi ayy •2. Phone Call: College bullshit •3. Text Message: My neighbor/old friend •4. Song you listened to: Scar Tissue - RHCP •5. Time you cried: Like Saturday or Sunday morning bc I fuck everything up but then I got my shit together and everything was fine and life goes on

Have You:

•6. Dated someone: Not necessarily •7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah •8. Been cheated on: No •9. Lost someone special: Yep •10. Been Depressed: Yes •11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yeahhh… (and I’m never letting that happen again ohmyfuCk)

List 3 favorite colors: •12. Purple •13. Blue •14. Black

In the last year: •15. Made new friends: Yeah, when I got my barista job •16. Fallen out of love: idk I guess •17. Laughed until you cried: Yes! •18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes. But I don’t mind. It’s just what people do! •19. Met someone who changed you: Sure. I think nearly everyone we meet changes us in some way. •20. Found out who your friends are: Hmm… •21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friend list: lol no. Not romantically, anyway. •22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of ‘em. I keep it really personal •23. Do you have any pets: Used to :( •24. Do you want to change your name: Nope 😊 •25. What did you do for your last birthday: Went to see Logan and it was sickk •26. What time did you wake up: After 12 bc I’m ill •27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was on my phone lol

•28. Name something you can’t wait for: Autumn and ChriSTMAS TIME. And the day I meet my life partner, I suppose. •29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Today •30. What is the one thing you could change about your life: I’d get rid of my anxiety •31. What are you listing to right now: Vision of Love - Mariah Carey •32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I don’t think so, actually 33. Something that gets on your nerves: Injustice 34. Most visited website: Instagram or Tumblr

Lost questions. •35. Mole/s: I’ve got quite a few tiny, tiny ones •36. Mark/s: Scars, freckles, birthmark

•37. Childhood dream: To be a famous singer like Selena •38. Hair color: Dark brown •39. Long or short hair: Pretty short. I used to have the longest hair though. •40. Do you have a crush on someone: Not on anyone irl •41. What do you like about yourself: I’m loyal and I get extremely excited about things easily •42. Piercings: 2 in each of my ears •43. Blood type: No clue… should probably figure that out •44. Nicknames: Sam/Sami •45. Relationship status: Single as •46. Zodiac: Pisces •47. Pronouns: she/her •48. Favorite Tv show: Sneaky Pete, Arrested Development, Parks & Rec, Poldark, Masterchef Australia (Yes, I’m from the States. I’m not from Aussie-land. But it’s infinitely better than the US version) •49. Tattoos: None •50. Right or Left handed: Right •51. Surgery: None •52. Hair dyed in different colors: Half my hair was blonde last year, then I dyed the blonde purple •53. Sport: None •54. Vacation: Um? Sure, I like 'em. •55. Pair of shoes: I wear a Target version of Doc’s all the time. They were only $20 and they’ve lasted forever sooo

More general •57. Eating: I like pretty much all food except mushrooms and raisins •58. Drinking: Coffee •59. I’m about to: Eat dinner •60. Waiting for: Autumn and Christmastime!!!!!! •61. Want: My own guitar and bass •63. Art or cooking: Art AND cooking •64. Hugs or kisses: It depends on who it’s from 😏 •65. Lips or eyes: Probably eyes •66. Shorter or taller: Taller •67. Older or Younger: Doesn’t really matter as long as it’s legal and not gross lol idk •68. Nice arms or stomach: Arms…? •69. Sensitive or Loud: Loud •70. Hook up or relationship: Relationship •71. Troublemaker or Hesitant: Mostly hesitant

Have you ever: •72. Kissed a stranger: No •73. Drank hard liquor: Yes •74. Lost glasses or contacts: Contacts •75. Turned someone down: Yes. Many times. •76. Sex on the first date: Nope no way •77. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t know :/ •78. Had your heart broken: Yes. •79. Been arrested: Nope •80. Cried when someone died: Yep •81. Fallen for a friend: Yeah

Do you believe in: •82. Yourself: Occasionally •83. Miracles: Definitely. Some things are just too amazing. •84. Love at first sight: Maybe

•85. Santa Claus: Never •86. Kiss on the first date: idk •87. Angles: Angles, yes. 📐 Angels, yes. 👼

Other: •88. Current best friends names: Hmmm •89. Eye color: Brown •90. Favorite movie: I absolutely love so many movies but Tangled and Saving Private Ryan are probably the faves

I’ll tag: @couldntgeteddievedderthanthis @flutter-girl-21 @nevtisme @farmgirlfindings @rock-basstard (only if ou want to!) And anyone else who wants to do it, go for it 💖

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beefstew252 · 7 years

Text

i was tagged by @davidbowie69 to do this time- consuming tageroony

(answer 92 questions and tag 20 ppl)

the last

1. drink: water cuz im basic

2. phone call: mi amiga ella

3. text message: “ehehhehehehehehhe with like a million laughy face emojis cuz im too awkward to live”

4. song you listened to: telephone line by ELO

5. time you cried: probs last night when i cried myself to sleep or yesterday when i watched life and was too scared so i leaked from my seeing crevices

have you

6. dated someone twice: never even been on a date whoops im a loooser

7. kissed someone and regretted it: lhehehehehe my mommy

8. been cheated on: friend wise- yes but not like in relationships lol im not kewl

9. lost someone special: mhmhmhmhm i move everyday and am unlovable soo not a good combo

10. been depressed: lol yup yup yup everyday but i cover it with smiley face stickers and sprinkles

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: mayyybbeeee when i accidently drank a bunk of mikes hard lemonade hehehhhhehehe

list 3 favorite colors

12. yellow

13. mintish green

14. sky blue

in the last year you have…

15. made new friends: @davidbowie69 i love my mommm

16. fallen out of love: nope im always in love with everyone ever

17. laughed until you cried: EVERYDAY im a giggly person tbh

18. found out someone was talking about you: not really but i constantly feel like my friends talk about how horrible i am sooooo same difference

19. met someone who changed you: everyone i meet tbh <3333333

20. found out who your friends are: i think maybe if they actually love me as much as i love themmmmm <333

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: what even is face book tbh

generale

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: girl i dont understand this booking faceeeee

23. do you have any pets: my dear pet rock mildred and her associate mr pebbleton (but i wanna doggo so badddd)

24. do you want to change your name: nah m8 sofia is fineeee af i think

25. what did you do for your last birthday: 4 days agooo hmmm i slept in and had avocado toast like a true millennial and went to the grocery store with my mom lol and then went to my fav place in the world an art store then had cake and watched life which was horrifying twas pretty fun

26. what time did you wake up: 10ish but usually like afternoonish whoops

27. what were you doing last night at midnight: i was watching the OA which was actually amazin tbh

28. name something you can’t wait for: WINNING THE PRESIDENCY WITH MY VICE PRES KANYE IN 2020 HONESTLYYYY

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: just now when she told me to do the laundry

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i had stayed in one place and had real, true friendships

31. what are you listening to right now: build me up buttercup- the foundations

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no not really???

33. something that is getting on your nerves: constantly thinkin im not good enough and some “people” i know heh

34. most visited website: tumblr, netflix and gmail tbh

lost questions. i just put in random info about me

wow op was a little bitch--- keepin this in thx ellie

35. moles: yes but theyre outside and probably have rabies and are blind af and no longer are in my backyard---- jkjk yea i do tho

36. marks: everywhere on my ugly af self

37. childhood dream: i wanted to be a squirrel when i grew up sooo

38. hair color: dark brown

39. long or short hair: short shoulder lengthish??

40. do you have a crush on someone: yeah everyone i meet ever

41. what do you like about yourself: my curly af hair and strangely large energy reserves (gracias mitochondria)

42. piercings: ear piercins

43. blood type: idk man but i hope its the kind from that episode of doctor who with the aliens and they controlled u with blood or somethin and david tennant lost an arm it was wild

44. nickname: sofie, sofie dofie, didi, olaf, mr. f@#*ing compassion, slink, softpants once again, sof fresh, coneybear? leaf?, ronnie, macaronnie, charlie kelly tbh

45. relationship status: hahahahahahahahahahaha

46. zodiac: cancer, (yes i know im a crabb dont make funna me)

47. pronouns: she/her also ultimate supreme ruler of 7M tbh

48. favorite tv show: stranger things, its always sunny in philadelphia, parks and rec, the office, tbh the new show i just binged yesterday called the OA, friends, etcetcetc

49. tattoos: nope i have a very low pain tolerance

50. right or left hand: right im bland af

51. surgery: yea my poor eye lol ive had like 3 on that one alone whwhwhw

52. hair dyed different color: no id look like a uglier potato

53. sport: competitive cloud watching

54. *GASP* there is no spoon…there is no question 54……………………. ………………………..hey remember those wayside school books because i sure do------ also keepin this im unoriginal and still dont understand tags lol

55. vacation: the moon

56. pair of trainers: white superstar adidas or grossly dirty “white” converse cuz im basic once again

plus generales

57. eating: i just ate strawberries and a grilled cheese sandwich sooo

58. drinking: w a t e r ---stay hydrated mis amigos

59. i’m about to: host the most lit party in the world tbh (mario kart and pizza binches)

60. *bo burnham voice in my head, for some reason* it’s not real. time is an illusion.------ im lazy do u see a trend????!?

61. waiting for: my next trip to the northeast cuz i miss it

62. want: a real friend tbh. also *dr evil voice* 1 MILLion DOllaRs

63. get married: yup and i agree with the bae on “why couldn’t this have been question 64 because when i’m sixty four by the beatles is also the best song ever sooooo”

64. career: eww the future i h8 probs an astronaut so i can fly into the void

which is better

65. hugs or kisses: AWW ILL TAKE ANYTHIN

66. lips or eyes: eyes who even looks at lips eww theyre like chapped and stuff

67. shorter or taller: short lil bean or tall beans everyone is valid

68. older or younger: all the ages?

69. yOU hAVe GOt To bE KiDdINg ME wHY is 69 SKipPeD--- gracias por las cosas

70. nice arms or nice stomach: eww nice personality honestly

71. sensitive or loud: sensitive like me hehehehhee

72. hook up or relationship: relationshippppp<3 if any soul could stand me for longer than a day

73. troublemaker or hesitant: ??????? i like robbie rotton

have you ever…

don’t we need tequila apple juice for this part

74. kissed a stranger: no but today i made a snarky comment quietly about a kid who was smoothie drinkin and bikin and we made solid eye contact for like 30 secs sooo same difference

75. drank hard liquor: i licked vodka once it was gross and i almost threw up

76. lost glasses/contact lenses: jason sat on and broke my glasses once so same thing

77. turned someone down: yeah the monster livin in my drawer tried to take me to the movies once and i was like BOI UR A MONSTER LIVIN IN MY ROOM COME ON

78. sex on the first date: eWWWWWEWWewewewewwwwew

79. broken someone’s heart: hah no one has ever liked me in the history of the human race sooo

80. had your heart broken: everyday

81. been arrested: im what the police call “an angel”

82. cried when someone died: every time my fav character died or any other time im an emotional lil bean honestly

83. fallen for a friend: yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhehehehhehe

do you believe in…

84. yourself: eww no i suck

85. miracles: one time someone said i was pretty

86. love at first sight: yes i’m certain that it happens all the time STEALIN IT ELLIE SOZ NOT SOZ

87. santa claus: yes yes yes

88. kiss on the first date: mmmmmmmmmidkman

89. angels: me

other

man, op really ran outta ideas here

90. current best friend’s name: none of my “best friends” think im their best friend too soooo no im a lonely person but if i had to say somethin itd be russell crow(e?) as javert tbh

91. eye color: poop brown

92: favorite movie: all of them but also good will hunting, cinema paridiso, life is beautiful, dead poets society, breakfast club, 16 candles the list goes ONNNNN man

well, it’s been real

i tag vlad putin and jeff

#tagged #im bad at these

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teabeb · 7 years

Note

Answer 1-60!

sorry for the format i havent done one of these in a while haha

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

no problem by chance the rapper, pusher by alt j, different names for the same thing by death cab for cutie, fake happy by paramore, riot coming by elliot smith, underway by fleetwood mac, and rosa by grimes

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

uh good question um i guess grimes rn

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17

“While watching a performance you may dissolve into laughter or cry real tears” .

4) What do you think about most?

BEING ALIVE IS SO WEIRD SENTIENCE IS SO WEIRD

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

lolol yeah a dude once changed up the lyrics to hey there delilah for me and sang it to me it was weird lol i still have a poem my first boyfriend wrote about me once its sweet

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

IM A HUGE GERMAPHOBE SO YEAH IM V UNCOMFORTABLE IN OTHER PEOPLES RESTROOMS

7) What's your religion?

i dont have one really, i grew up catholic tho

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking to class or to work

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

FUCK ok um death cab for cutie

10) What was the last lie you told?

“i have a headache sorry i dont mean to be so unresponsive”

11) Do you believe in karma?

heck yea

12) What does your URL mean?

i enjpy tea avery much and im a beb so

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

my biggest weakness is being so open to other people; my biggest strength is my kindness i think lol (even tho people dont think im nice all the time)

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

um idk if id really consider it a crush but im in love with travis scott haha

15) How do you vent your anger?

usually on tumblr where no one i know irl really follows me

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

i have like 50 coffee cups on my desk rn haha

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?

i think so far yeah i need to work on things still and i am but for the most part im p cool

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

i hate the sound of chewing; i love the sound of a fan or the ac

19) What's your biggest "what if"?

what if i dont finish school and devote my life to something else completely

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

HECK YEAH THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE BITCHES

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

with my right arm my window and with my left my bed

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

laundry detergent (noice)

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

SOME DUDES BATHROOM AT NU ALPHA KAPPA HOLY FUCK IT WAS DISGUSTING AND I WAS SO DRUNK I ALMOST SAT DOWN TO PEE THANKFULLY A FRIEN D CAUGHT ME BEFORE HAND HAHA

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

uhhh (?) idk

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

making the most of it i guess

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i drive badly haha but no not really

27) What was the last movie you saw?

i watched moonlight finally the other night

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?

my dad ran over my toe once with his car that was awful

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

weed tbh lol

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yeah :/

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

no but sometimes i know i should

32) What is your astrological sign?

sagittarius

33) What's the last thing you purchased?

some yogurt covered pretzels

34) Love or lust?

LOVE

35) In a relationship?

nah son im single and ready for pringles

36) How many relationships have you had?

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

i wear very short shorts and make eye contact with a stupid grin on my face

38) Where is your best friend?

idk

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

i was at my friends place finishing up a bowl

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i think so im v nice to my friends

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

i text my boss (who loves me) and explain that im gonna save the dog maybe take a picture beforehand to prove it then save the dog

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i think id tell the people im close to not everyone tho b) i would do fun things idk id try to tell everyone thats ever had an impact on my life what theyve meant to me and try to do something important w my time. c) id be very afraid yeah

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

love by kendrick lamar

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

um idk uh i guess communication and respect

45) How can I win your heart?

honestly im so easy to win over tbh show me any sort of niceness and i already like you

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

what even is insanity tbh thats p subjective when you get down to it but for the questions sake i think it can but it shouldnt be expected and we shouldnt hold mentally ill people to a standard of creativity or anything ya know?

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

going to ucla

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

she was bitchin

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."

soft

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?

yellow!

51) What is your current desktop picture?

moonie, a cat we had to give over

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

idk i guess maybe if i think im a valuable person or important

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

i would just want some conversations ive had back or something idk

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i dont wanna talk about it but know that it was bad lol

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

what like take a nap? idk i guess chance the rapper lol

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

ireland or something

59) Ever been on a plane?

yeh loved it

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

um ok i guess grimes, chance the rapper, travis scott, justin bieber ( lol i know hes problematic dont come for me hes just hot alright) and rhianna.

lol hadnt done one of these in a while haha thx for asking and easing my boredom :-)

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angel-nero · 7 years

Text

11 questions...

I was tagged by @pureren @zaevran @glaspaladin @z-ayauitl and @kcgane ty so much !!! ♥

RULES: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

my questions…

1. what’s the worst piece of clothing you own?

2. what’s the coolest piece of uh fashion that is so cool you can’t even wear to go out? lol

3.- what book have you read that you feel it has been the worst?

4.- What’s the healthiest meal you actually like?

5.- do you love keith kogane? (or vld keith lmfao what u prefer to use)

6.- something paranormal ever happened to you? if yea, what?

7.- do you get jealous easily? with who? (friends, popular ppl, talented ppl, the s/m)

8.- what’s the cutest thing you own?

9.- what are your favorite crisps?

10.- do you have a favourite drink?

11.- can you tell im hungry? what hobby you wish you liked or wish you did?

i tag: @kukinta @kittyr0se @heirith @liesfromsatansbuttcheeks @sheith-love-always @acequeenm @blessedkeith @lukaspatel @ke1th @ace-pidge @keith8 but only if you want to!

TESSA’SS AND!! TAMI’S QUESTIONS1!!!

1. Do you connect with people easily?

mmm, I don’t becos im a very quiet person and can be w u w/o talking at all and I get overwhelmed by convos I don’t care about also it’s kinda hard to win my trust and also interest lol. I’m nice tho, i mite not be enjoying myself but i’ll forev b nice w u.

2. Did something good happen to you this week?

uH yeah, i’m doing things to improve my health, i did my uni exam, im frEE, i finally don’t have to go to rEliGIoUs classes aNYMORE and UH,,, i got a diet to win weight and its cool i get to eat ESQUITE LMFAO. i will see my bffs in friday and i have browney mix there i should bake but im lazy

3. What’s the personality trait that annoys you most in other people?

When people pretend to like something just 2 b friends w someone or ME, do you know we can be total dif and maybe still b friends if u cOOL. Ass kissers, hypocrisy, LIES LOL. I don’t like fake ppl at all.

4. If you could participate in any existing tv reality show, which one would you choose?

The ones where they change ur style and buy clothes for u 2 love urself and do ur hair and make up and buy u xpensive undies. I loved that crap when i was in secondary school lmao

5. What’s something you’re insecure about?

That I can’t be in one place without wanting tofuckin run, the fact that i can’t eat w ppl at all, that i have to go to the fucken gYM

6. What’s your favourite way to hang out with friends?

:’)) well,,, i go to my bff’s house or they come. If im fine then walk around my neighborhood cus it’s nice ahaha anxiety am i rite. oKAY, even if i get anxiety i like ice skating, or roller skating, i have a lot of fun. My friend want us to go to this pixies concert and im like :(( boo i love u

7. What’s your favourite fic trope?

lol idk,,,,, pining? mutual pining? no pining and they getting to know therngs im melttin sTOP idk…… it depends on whAT shIP. I just know i’ll read any fake dating of my otp. idk idk duuuude i legit don kno. It’s not a trope but i love crunchy feelings, showefjsid fksjnj its hard to talk about this im sOrry

8. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve liked in the past?

hahahahahaha my crush

9. What do you consider to be the best period of your life?

When I was 14. I went to parties more than i go to them now lol, i drank and smokkd w who where my best friends back theN i know it’s whack. we used to go to roller skate? all the damn time and did sleepovers and everything was funny, we practically lived together and my friend that was 16 drove us to places lmao,, everything was so good. but like, dont imagine me too wild i only smokd like 5 cigs in my life and hookah and we even broke one.

10. What do you consider to be the worst period of your life?

mpghgg, when i turned 15,,, in the middle of it everythin went to shit to the actual date. But im trying to change that

11. How did you meet your best friend?

I met her,,,, 11 years ago. Look, I usually have best friends in pack. I have 3 bffs at the moment, one of them sat next to me in 2nd year of primary school. IDK how i got to actually know my absolute bff tho but we did a lot of weird shit. we also met in the same classroom and she was my bff back then. The third one was also a frind but not so much during those years. Later i changed of classrooms and shit and bonded more when I was 14 w 6 friends and those r i did crazy shit w but we got separated and stopped talkin and they invited me to the club a week before my uni exam but i was high on meds and sick af. and never replied also going to meet em again at the club makes me nervous af tbH…. I have had a lot of super close friends in my life wTf. In my new school i have also 7 friends that r super close.And we’re also a pack of bffs. I actually had a hard time to use the word bestfriend lol, not bc of me havin a lot or anythin, i was just emo i guess

BEX’S QUESTIONS YOo

1. What’s the strangest nickname you’ve ever been given?

:))))))))))))))))))))))))) gabhole, gabaloney, TETI THAT SOUNDS LIKE TITTY. now ft Aztec secret

2. Do you like to gossip?

UMMMMMM,, i dont like to listen to another ppl judging someone, I hate it and i normally tell them to stop. it depends i guess

3. Are you afraid of the dark? um,,, no but i dont like it lol

4.Have you ever been stung by a bee?

no, but i steppeddd on one. I also was pickin a tree and till this day i dont knoW wTF it was but i had something big in my middle finger and it fucken hurt like a bitch and i had A BALL on it UGHHHHH I HATE BUGS

Bigfoot or mothman? fucking none

Do you trust anyone with your life? i mean, idk

Do you have any habits you wish you could break? yEAH, to stop tweeting my mental breakdowns is one lmao.

Would you go ghost/alien hunting?

both tbh, who wants to break into abandoned houses w me, i live in front of one,,, i mean not so infront but in the row of houses infront of me lmao english whO? dude rosetta stoned by tool is my aesthetic, alien stuff. bex listen to it pls

Best pickup line? (you’ve heard or used on you/you’ve used)

u r the best chair *proceeds to sit on em* keith to shiro probably

Mint or fruit gum?

I dont like gum much cos it makes me hungry or thirsty. I also drink too much soda to fuck w mint stuff :(( say that to the mints i bought lol :( i only eat halls or gum bc im nerves w ppl so they stopped bein a thing i enjoy for me lol. i do that since im like,,, uh,,, idK 15. it fuckd my stomach

What do you want to be remembered for?

I mean if I have to pick and b unrealistic, for art maybe,,, or for the thing i end up working with, like architecture or somethin. Art, def art cus i like art so much

ZURI’S QUESTIONS!!!

1.-if you had to chose one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?

I MEAN THIS QUESTION IS THE DEVIL I GET TIRED OF EVERYTHING TO THE POINT I DONT WNAN EAT ANYTHING I WILL JUST IGNORE IT SSAYS ONE AND SAY MEXICAN FOOD

2.- what are you most afraid of? Mental illnes and being ill and living

3.- do you have a favorite place to visit?

I mean,,,, i love walking in the center? centre? of my city bc is like going to another place. Is also fucking Cuba in there. Everyone says that, my dad asked a cuban marine he met if it was true and he said it was ‘’ the fackin same’’ So its like,,, travelling in time and places. also the beach and the port.

4.- what type of weather you enjoy the most?

I need the sun, otherwise i get sad… i like cloudy w sun. I just like to go out in the afternoon tho lol so like,,, sun pls so the sky can turn pinkish

5.- do you have a rare ability like dislocating your thumb or moving your eyes really fast?

i move my tongue real real fast and also can do the cherry knot thing and uh i can like, be aberrantly stupid too. hey but dont fuk w me and bother me 4 bein stupid, i will fist fite u and i mite b stupid but i will also mite think u r stupid if i don like u so fuk off. Dam,,, i get like, bothered so easy LOL like, think u r better than me and i’ll fist fite u LMFAO WHY THO I SUK, but like, if not bothered, i think of everyone as my equal… wow this was not the question

6.- do you think it would be easier to create one universal lenguage or an accurate translator? nO… dont delete culture like that,,, an accurate translator mite come in handy u kno but like, some languages have words that don’t exist in others so like :-/

7.- is there something that soothes you no matter what? um no i wish

8.- favorite piece of clothing? boots and thights

9.- is there a song stuck in your head right now? YEAH dig down by muse i love it, every1 says it sUCLks but i can’t stop listenin to it

10.- why is your favorite animal your favorite animal? i don play favs but i love the honey badger bc of this pleas fuckin watch it and THIS

11.- morning person or late riser? Oh,, i cant wake up to save my life so late riser

SUNNY’S QUESTIONS!!!

1. do you have any plushies? a LOT but im like,,, they r in my wardrobe and i luv em but like,,, they’re all gifts,,, did u kno one of my past bffs bought me a dino for christmas?

2. have you ever walked out the cinema before?

Yeah, i love drive’s aesthetic and Ryan gosling a lot but is SO boring so idk if my friends and I got kicked out or we prefered to get out to talk haha.

3. if you could have a mascot what would it be and why?

A CHINCHILLA, they’re a irl pokemon and they r so cUTE

4. what would your theme song be? kool thing, sonic youth maybe or is she weird by pixies. All Over the world by pixies too lol

5. do you have any phrases or sayings you find yourself coming back to often? not really, im so bad at remembering sayings and quotes

6what’s the nearest object to your right? a book called azul by ruben dario

7. would you rather live in the big city or out in the middle of nature?

Big city forever. I love high? buildings a lot. I dont do that well in the rural life lmao

8. are you working on any creative projects right now (fic/art/music/photography/ect) Nope at all and das sad cus i should b doing art lmao

9. what’s your favourite movie score? idk what is score… but the soundtrack of trainspotting is one of my favs… oh but score… aghgsdhaj any tarantino movie tbh or wes anderson movie… or before I disappear or demolition oR southpaw or the girl w the dragon tattoo

10. i say vol you say….? uuhhhhh,,,,, vol….tron??? (ICONIC, I MELT, I LVOE HIM)

#if any of u actually read this all omg i am love u #tag meme #this was uh long #i changed it so u don have to read all mineeee lol #if u have sideblogs where u'd rather post this then do it :)#i typed brownie as browney rIP

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