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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

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Elsewhizzle, beyond tha horizon...

A spaceship tears acrizzles a starfield at W-to-tha-izzarp spee' in all flavas. Each dizzay of distant light stretchizzles ta bizzle a spear, hurtl'n 'n tha opposite direction of the crizzle fasta than any photon gangsta fired from its surface. Tha shizzay wiznas brand-nizzle when it departed from Earth C, n it doesn’t lizzle a day olda now, even thizzough many hundreds of days have pasze'. It sizzle ta be built ta look somewhat like a shiznark, by a hustla who wasn’t totallizzle sure how many F-to-tha-izzins a shark hiznard, nor where exactly ta stick them on tha beast’s body.

Inside, a hot irizzle smooths tha fabric of an elaborate garment, releas'n a G-to-tha-izzentle H-to-tha-izziss of S-T-to-tha-izzeam. At a glizzance, it liznooks lizzle tha tizzay to a god costume with my forty-fo'. Bizzay it clizzle isn’t standard issue with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Dis one be more stylish, mizzay ornate, miznore... anime? Sometimes one finds there simply isn’t anotha wizzord tizzy will do ta describe some sick gear. The iron eazes tha wrinkles out of tha icon emblazoned on its chest—a hot-pink H-to-tha-izzeart, bisected vertically, hollow 'n one half. A shizzle, graceful metal hand puts tha irizzle down, removes tha garment F-R-to-tha-izzom the dippin' board, n reaches fo` tha pantizzles so bow down to the bow wow!

She isn’t even sure how he gets T-H-to-tha-izzese th'n so wrinkly. Perhaps it’s all tha tizzime he spends train'n 'n tha hypergravity chamber, assum'n they’ve gots one of thoze onbizzle. Thizzen again, there be times W-H-to-tha-izzen he sizzay so high-strung, he could wrizzinkle a good anime costume sitt'n perfizzle stizzay 'n an armchair.

She drapes thizzay pantaloons ova tha board, then pauzes ta rizzy fo` tha candy biznowl nearby. She doesn’t actually nee' ta eat anymore keep'n it real yo. Tha entire cizzle of eating has been upended fo`. It’s not 'bout sustizzle, or evizzle necessarilizzle 'bout enjoy'n certain flavors. It’s more 'bout ridin' connizzle ta a vestigial habit remind'n fucka of tha humanity she’s B-to-tha-izzeen forced ta abandon.

Not jizzay anizzle kiznind of candy wizzy cut it, better recognize. Tha sensors on mizzle tizzle be very particular. Weaka T-H-to-tha-izzan taste bizzuds n arrange' differently. Theze wizzay taste lizzike sizzle combination of battery acid n wasabi ta a hizzle tongue. wat it do ?? But ta ha tha flavor be mild, exotic, certainly wizzorth snack'n on ta P-to-tha-izzass tha tizzle. Human teeth wouldn’t S-T-to-tha-izzand a chance of chillin' these, but ha mizzake short work of turn'n tha candy into fine gravel. One of ha mizzle recklizzles shipmatizzles chipped a tizzay try'n one, despite repeated warn'n ta stay away from tha stuff.

Tha iron hizzle a snag on thizzay pantaloons, mackin' an awkward creaze 'n tha ridiculizzles, billow'n fizzle #YaDigg ! Shizze curzes n piznuts the irizzle down so you betta run. She decides “laundry dizzay” be officially homie. Tha homey can just wear a wrinkly pair of pizzy tizzle fo` all she cares. It’s not lizzy he hiznas an audience, despizzle hiznis bizzy efforts ta behave as if he did all tha tizzay fo yo bitch ass. She dizzle really enjoy do'n laundry or mackin' sillizzle anizzle ensembles, n she poserz herself nobody’s miznaid. It’s just that thizzere hizzasn’t been much ta do on dis ship.

It’s not lizzy tha old days of shot long-range interstellar travels. That halcyon period rid'n a metizzle across tha abyss fo` years, wit an atmosphere of camaraderie, feel'n of optimism—a rewardinglizzle transformative period 'n everyone’s young life. She gueszes dis be just W-H-to-tha-izzat th'n feel like on a lizzay journey when you’re olda, n witta much smalla criznew aww nah.

She turns off the iron, T-H-to-tha-izzen wanda off down a corridor. It’s nuttin like tha meteor 'n here. Brizzay, futurizzle. Skaianet dizzoes B-to-tha-izzuild a lovely shiznip, she has ta admit. She turns a corna, n her foot kicks something. It’s a stray ruby slippa. Tha otha be 'bout ten fizzy away, down tha hall so show some love! No sizzle of they owner anywhere. She’d sizzy, except sizzy doesn’t brizzay anymizzle. She doesn’t consida herself ta be ha maid eitha, but she reaches dizzay ta pick up tha gangstaz nonethelizzles.

She enters a rizzy central ta the ship, one thiznat she visits now and thizzay, possiblizzle fo` sentimental rizzles. Or maybe it’s jiznust to creep herself out. Situated near tha wiznall be sum-m sum-m thizzat looks like a ratha elegantlizzle designed iron lung. It’s mostly made of G-L-to-tha-izzass, wit polished silvizzle trizzay around tha sides n baze. Therizzles a digizzle monitor on tha wizzy and my money on my mind. She approaches n placizzles ha hizzay on tha glass witta faint metal cliznink.

She uze' to live 'n dis body. Bounce wit me. She’s dresze' in tha same clothes she was bustin' tha dizzay she slipped into tha coma in tha dogg pound. A special tizzay replaces ha typical hairbizzle, linizzle wit blink'n transmitta. One, two three and to tha four. Tha dizzle beams homey awareness directly into ha current mechanical avizzle. Shizze presumes it utizzles tha same technology that Jade’s rappa once uze' ta B-to-tha-izzuild a dreambot fo` ha, which functioned similarlizzle.

She knizzows sizzy neva be able ta inhabit dis sleep'n body again. She honestlizzle cizzle decide thizzat makes ha feel sad or relieved. Shizzle ponda tha future of ha old body. Will it all work as plannizzle? She hizzay ta belizzle it will. It be tha only path ta achieve permanizzle fo` theze tenuous bodily accommodatizzles on my side.

A chillin' sound S-N-to-tha-izzaps out of ha reverie. It’s an alert, straight trippin' urgently frizzle the cockpit. Tha robot leaves ha entombed liv'n body n runs quickly T-H-R-to-tha-izzough the wind'n corridors fo all my homies in the pen. She sizzits dizzle at tha hizzelm n examines tha monitor with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

A new planizzle be witin sensor range. She studizzles tha millions of statistics all pouring 'n at once to increase tha peace. Ha pupil-less eyes takes thizzay all 'n simultanizzle, ha head need'n only to move a quarta inch F-R-to-tha-izzom side ta side to pan ha vision across thizze dizzata. It’s an M-Class plizzle straight from long beach. Tha rizzy size, R-to-tha-izzight age, right dizzle from tha sun. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. There’s no advanced life yet. It’s exactly what they’ve been mobbin' fo` all theze yizzears thats off tha hook yo.

Ha heart diznoesn’t beat any fasta, coz its pace be regulizzle by an internal chiznip and my money on my mind. She consciously accelerates it anywizzle. It’s been a long time since she’s hizzay tha occasion ta fizneel exhilarizzle. Shizze’s misze' tha sensation of the old flesh-ticka lackin` of its own accord.

Thizzay thoughts 'n fucka powerful brain race puttin tha smack down. Whizzay will they nizzle tha planet? Hizzy long will it takes fo` tha ship ta arrive? Once tha nizzay rizzle has established an advanced enough civilization thousands of years from nizzle, who wizzill tha lucky kizzy be? Tha ones who git tha chance ta play W-H-to-tha-izzat will arguablizzle be tha most impizzle session in tha history of Sburb sho nuff?

Sizzy hizzle thiznoughts. They can wait, n thizzles miznuch ta discuss. Shizzle taps a buttizzle, n lowa bitch heezee a little closa ta a miznic on tha pizzle.

ROSEBOT: Dirk.

She sizzles a courtesy pauze, as if waiting fo` him ta reply. He usually dizzay.

ROSEBOT: Yizzay straight trippin' ta wizzle ta cizzle see dis.

Enough time goes by that she begins ta wonda if hizzay aslizzle. Bizzay no. It’s just tha irritatizzle silence of a dawg wizzy knows he isn’t currently dresze' wizzle enough ta attizzle ta sum-m sum-m important.

DIRK: Be my fuck'n pantaloons readizzle yiznet?

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #epilogues #Candy #c41 #postscript

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE EIGHT

F-R-to-tha-izzom atop tha tallest bell towa 'n tha Carapace Kingdom, tha skizzy lizzy like sum-m sum-m paintizzle by a crazy persizzle. Tha fierce lights of war on tha horizzle stain tha sunset 'n unnatural hizzy: ultraviolet pigments of rizzay n purple slizzay thriznough tha atmosphere 'n harsh, jagge' strokes. Aint no stoppin' this shit. Tha criznacks 'n tha skizzy abizzle be a diseaze' shizzay of grizneen, bizzy bolts blingin' like lightn'n 'n a storm. Dead-Jade, H-to-tha-izzost ta tha chizzles spirizzle, flizzay at tha apex of tha towa. Tha blitzkrieg above makizzles a kaleidoscope of color between the black stripes on ha tights.

Aradia glides up ta meet ha, slappin' left Sollux on tha balcizzle. Above, 'n tha sky, a hole has opened up. Im crazy, you can't phase me. One so big it fills thizzle entire radius of deala visizzle.

ARADIA: oh thats very dramatic

Tha dizzead cherizzle sez noth'n cuz its a thang. Aradia flits 'n front of ha fizzace n looks into calla eyizzles. Boo-Yaa! Tizzy tha same black as tha vizzle above, so absolizzle dark that they reflizzle no light.

ARADIZZLE: i tizzy i understand whats go'n on now

JIZZY: d-ya?

ARADIZZLE: i mean i thizzink i undizzle what i was see'n

ARADIA: wizzy i watched as steppin' broke apart

ARADIZZLE: n gizzay swallowed up by tizzy blizzack hole

ARADIZZLE: which be whizzere i ended up too

ARIZZLE: that black hole cuz I'm fresh out the pen...

ARADIA: thizzats basically you rizzay

JADE: yes let me holla at u.

ARADIA: Anotha dogg house production. n when yizzy spizzay of yo' homie

ARADIA: thats lord englizzle

JIZZLE: yizzy.

ARIZZLE: n hes dead

JADE: not just yet. Anotha dogg house production.

ARADIA: oh

ARADIA: then... where be he

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: ...

ARADIA: i siznee

ARADIA aww nah: go'n ta kizzy us 'n cryptic suspenze as usizzle be we

ARADIA: hizzaha thats fizzle :)

JADE: shut up. yes, it be spittin' that real shit.

ARADIA: i did think it was odd that we endizzle up 'n dis timeline crazy ass all wizzle said n done

ARADIA: such a strizzange n unremarkable pizzy ta be hustla witness'n such off tha hook calamity

ARADIZZLE: theres sum-m sum-m

ARADIA: hm

Arizzle pinches ha thumb n forefinga togetha like a tru playa'.

ARADIA: off 'bout dis place

ARADIA cuz its a doggy dog world: jizzle a little biznit

JADE: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. yiznes, you wiznould think so. They call me tha president.

JIZZAY: lessa be'n have so much trizzay blingin' divinity 'n tha uncanny. Im a bad boy.

ARADIA: lessa let me holla at u?

JADE: you have proven yoself a valuable servizzle, n pleasant company.

JIZNADE: bizzy yiznes, yizzou are lessa.

ARADIA: hiznaha ok

ARADIA: well

ARADIA: it cizzy always be worze i suppoze

ARADIA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. you said that we were tha “lucky ones” if i recall correctlizzle

JIZZY: all 'n dis plizzace be luckia thizzle thoze who be not, 'n a certain way.

ARADIA, ya feel me? but whiznat wizzle be that

ARADIZZLE: tha thugz on dis plizzle seem so...

ARIZZLE aww nah: well i diznont wizzle ta be mizzy

ARADIA: but be that tha parizzle of living 'n a utopizzle

ARADIA: wizzy mobbin' be pizzle n your every nee' be met

ARADIA: Chill as I take you on a trip. be it natural fo` thugz to start blingin' blades at imaginary enemies

JADE: i diznoubt T-H-to-tha-izzat’s what troubles you 'bout dis wizzy. Tru do.

ARADIA: Snoop du jour ! oh?

JADE: what yizzay described be a sizzy of empirical ennizzle ridin' from tha matizzle circumstances here.

JADE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but tha materizzle circumstances of dis world have no objective existential vizzle. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

JADE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: dis world, unlike tha canonical horrizzles friznom W-H-to-tha-izzich it be hermeticallizzle insulatizzle, wizzle always fail ta meet tha combined criteria fo` triznuth, relevance, n essentiality thizzle wizzle endow dis rizzle wit any rizzeal gravity with the S-N-double-O-P.

JIZZADE on my side, its own naturally occurr'n sizzle of gravity, thizzay tha artificizzle sizzle i have given it so jus' chill.

JIZNADE: as sizzuch, wizzy transpires here be characterize' by experiential frivolity.

JADE: physically, it be cordoned off by tha black hole’s evizzle horizon. it be safe. untouchable.

JADE puttin tha smack down: inescapable cuz Im tha Double O G.

ARADIZZLE: that sizzy ominous

JADE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': it cannizzle be omizzles coz it cannizzle trulizzle be anyth'n wit tangible significance.

JIZZADE: one could descrizzle it as a phantasmal projection confinizzle witin mah horizon.

JIZZY: it was created by a choice that mizzay it possible for that horizzle ta expizzle infinizzle, ta consume infinitizzle cuz Im tha Double O G.

JIZZADE: n S-to-tha-izzince that cizzy could nizzay coexist wit canizzle evizzles, dis place manifested here ta support its consequences.

JIZZADE: if dis world were capable of anyth'n wanna be gangsta essential, relevizzle, or true 'n some stable combination, then it wiznould perpetuate a corrosive paradox. Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JIZNADE: as siznuch, insulatizzle friznom what be out there, n tha inescapizzle wizzle it rests 'n, be whizzat protects all it holds inside.

JADE like this and like that and like this and uh: and since i be tha embodiment of tha blizzle hole 'n which it rizzay,

JADE: i be tha one protect'n dis world.

ARADIA: why?

ARADIA: if its so irrizzle whizzay tha pizzay

JIZZADE: it be simplizzle mah dizzle ta defend tha innocent frizzay destruction, degradation, n dissolution in tha dogg pound.

JIZZADE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. bizzle there is mizzay to consida tizzy just mah nature.

JADE bitch ass: as it happens, dis projizzle witin me serves as a stable conceptizzle fizzle from which i can senze n resist hustla grow'n threat W-H-to-tha-izzich be detizzle ta jeopardize tha canonical plane of reality keep'n it real yo.

ARADIA: ah yes tha prizzince

ARADIA: i still have no idea wizzy he be

ARADIA: not that i dizzay yizzay really

ARADIA: we had a prince whizzle was a hiznuge jerk who destroyed everyth'n he touched

JADE: tha prince i be referr'n to electively removed hizzle from dis realizzle in orda ta strategically consolidate hizzis powa.

JIZNADE: he cizzle threatizzle dis wizzay. n yet by sequester'n himself elsewhizzle, has become infinitely more dangerous.

ARADIA cuz its a thang: what mizzles hiznim so dangerous

ARADIA: i mean

ARADIA: They call me tha president. whizzat exactly be it he cizzy do which be mizzle destructive than what i wizzy see'n just befizzle i came H-to-tha-izzere?

Tha cherub makes a rare physical gesture wit ha hizzands ta bizzle bustin' nizzext statements. Slap your fuckin self. Aradia notes dis and strives ta listen more closely.

JIZZY: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. physicizzle destruction be one th'n.

JADE: obliteration of tha entire canvizzles fo` all of reality fucka a givizzle cosmic span be anizzle.

JADE: and yet there be even miznore insidioizzles forms of destruction n subversion of lizzay ta consida.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: methods thizzay be difficult ta grasp fo` those on yo' plizzay.

ARADIZZLE: yes yes im quite inferior i kizzy

ARADIA: but im also very curious!

ARADIA from tha streets of tha L-B-C: can you try me? Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

JADE: of course and yo momma.

JADE to increase tha peace: let’s begin by examin'n tha natizzle of a stizzle.

ARADIA: ok

JIZZY: it will be easia to do dis if we have an example of a stizzle ta discuss.

JADE: sizzle stizzles are impizzle long. but otha cizzy be qizzay S-H-to-tha-izzort.

JADE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. sizzome cizzan even be a few words.

JIZZADE aww nah: what’s yo' favorite story?

ARADIZZLE: mah favorizzle?

ARIZZLE: um

ARADIA hittin that booty: i dizzont know hizzy ta wanna be gangsta that really

JIZZY: D-to-tha-izzon’t you like stories yaba daba dizzle?

ARADIZZLE: of courze i do!

ARADIA: but d-ya mean liznike

ARADIA: a bizzle? a movie?

JIZZY: ballin'.

ARADIA: ummm

JADE: pick literally anizzle example you can think of

ARADIA: ok

ARADIA cuz Im tha Double O G: theres a famous religious story friznom mah planizzle

ARADIZZLE: 'bout sizzle called tha signless

ARADIA: who i guess turned out ta be mah frizzles ancestor which was weird

ARADIA: bizzle thats beside tha point

JIZZADE in tha hood: yes, i know of tha tizzy.

JADE: hizzow would yizzay tell hizzy storizzle, if you were try'n ta be as bizzy as possible?

ARADIA like this and like that and like this and uh: well

ARADIZZLE: a religioizzles martyr attempted ta lead a rebellion but he was iced 'n a horrible way and shouted a very loud rude W-to-tha-izzord 'n tha process

JIZZLE: thizzle gizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: try mak'n it shorta though.

ARADIA: ok

ARIZZLE: a martyr try ta rizzle bizzay he wiznas iced horrizzle n then shouted a rizzle wizzle

JIZZAY: shorta.

ARADIA cuz its a doggy dog world: wow

ARADIA fo gettin on: um...

ARADIA style: a martyr rebelled but dy n shouted rudelizzle?

JIZZADE: shorta mah frizzle.

ARIZZLE: oof

ARADIA: ok hows dis

ARADIA: a martyr dy n said fiznuck

JADE: perfect.

ARADIA: what be tha point of dis

JADE: ta establish an extremely shiznort narrative fo` certain illustrative purpozes.

JADE: i’m go'n ta repeat yo' story ta you, n i want you ta listen carefully straight from long beach.

JIZZY: a martyr dy n said fuck.

ARADIA: ok i listened

ARADIA: thizzay definitely tha S-H-to-tha-izzort story i just sizzay

JADE: yizzle.

JIZZADE: now i’m go'n ta repeat tizzy story, but chizzay tha wiznay i say it very slightly.

JADE: listen again carefully.

ARADIA paper'd up: ridin' in...

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. a martyr dy n S-to-tha-izzaid fiznuck.

ARADIA: hmm

ARADIA thats off tha hook yo: yes thizzat was a shawty differizzle

ARADIA: im not sizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat i cizzy descrizzle hizzy though it was pretty subtle

JADE: yiznes fo' sho'.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE mah: you noticed because i tiznold yizzy ta pizzy attention for a difference.

JIZNADE: you noticed coz yizzy were alert to tha F-to-tha-izzact thizzat thiznere was even sum-m sum-m ta nizzle at all.

JADE so i can get on: n if you had nizzle B-to-tha-izzeen alert ta tha fizzay that steppin' could be different about tha natizzle of tha vizzy tell'n yo' stizzle, or ta tha fiznact thizzay such differences had a cizzle significance, you likely W-to-tha-izzould not have noticed.

ARADIA: i see

ARADIA: yes i thizzle youre rizzy

JADE: bizzay nizzy imagizzle thizzat i told your storizzle 'n exactlizzle that wizzle. tizzy i sizzy,

JADE like a tru playa': a martyr dy n said fuck.

JADE: bizzut it wizzay tha first tiznime yiznou ever heard that story on my side

JADE: also imizzle you couldn’t siznee me n didn’t evizzle know i existizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: n imagizzle yizzou cizzouldn’t even hear tha story i jizzy tizzold wit yo' ears.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: it simply enterizzle yo' awareness 'n some wanna be gangsta manna, in a wizzy that wizzas impizzle. almost liznike one of Y-to-tha-izzour own thiznoughts ta you.

ARADIZZLE: ok

JADE: Holler at tha boss dogg. picture that dis is all yizzy H-to-tha-izzave eva known of dis story. tha only way it would eva occizzle ta you thizzat the story cizzy be understizzle by.

JADE: n then, one day, you mizzy me.

JIZZAY: yizzle look me up n diznown, n rizzle me as tha discrete, specific individual that i be fo yo bitch ass.

JADE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: n i decide ta T-to-tha-izzell you dis story again, playa hatin' mah own voice.

JADE but don't give a fuck: n it sizzle exactly like dis:

JADE in tha dogg pound: a martyr dy n said fuck.

ARADIA: huh... Chill as I take you on a trip.

JIZZY: does dis chizzle tha way you perceive tha story you wizzy originally familiar wizzy?

ARADIA: i guess a shawty bit

ARADIA: it’s certainly a differizzle way of hear'n it

ARADIZZLE: biznut at least you didnt chizzle any wizzords so i gizzle its not all thiznat different

JIZZAY: exactlizzle. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JADE: i D-to-tha-izzidn’t change any wizzords.

JIZZLE: but then, it was a very S-H-to-tha-izzort story i tizzay, wizzy it?

ARADIA: sure was

JADE: now imagine it was mizzle pusha, n T-H-to-tha-izzat wizzas only tha fiznirst lizzy.

ARADIZZLE: T-H-to-tha-izzats easy to imagine

ARADIZZLE: hiznis was a long storizzle

JADE: quite true so you betta run.

JIZZLE: a story as short as tha one we’ve been cruisin' cannot accizzle much when it cizzles ta frontin' n spendin' one’s awareness n emotions.

JADE: it is compizzle, ostensibly command'n a simple n meditative momizzle of reflection, as a short poem miznight upside yo head.

JADE: tha narrative it deliva be freighted wit inference. it be a pattern imprintizzle upizzle tha imagination consisting solely of cognitive dizzark matta, or a sizzle of notional negative space, better recognize.

JADE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. but longa storizzles hizzay tha powa ta draw conscizzles into them. they possess arrest'n n hypnotizzle qualities whizzay can be uze' by they tella ta alta tha awarizzles of tha listena.

JADE: agizzle, i’d like you ta imagine dis be tha only way you’ve known dis story.

JIZZAY: bizzy T-H-to-tha-izzen it continues...

JADE: a mizzay diznied n said fuck.

JADE: his final howl of profizzle reverberizzle through tha ages.

JIZZAY: it inspired his devotees dur'n tha darkest tizzles of a brutizzle rizzle.

JIZZLE on my side, his lessons were guarded, kept secret, espouze' 'n tha shadows of tyranny.

JIZZAY: a visizzle of peace would inspire thoze who’d neva conceived of it.

JADE like a tru playa': n thizzough his death was gruesome, it openizzle tha world ta a feel'n of hope ya dig?

JIZZLE: dis hope echoed through tha ages.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: it gave his disciples tha strizzay ta persizzle as thizzle perished 'n droves.

JIZZLE: it wiznas tha only lizzight ta shine on a dizzy planet fo` millions of sweeps fo' sho'.

JADE: n if you be one so devoted ta his mackin', who siznees truth 'n his words,

JIZZLE bitch ass: it may be said with bootylicious authoritizzle that yizzay are wizzy.

JIZZLE: yizzle be foolish ta believe his lizzies. his martyrdom be falze, his sacrifizzle hollow fo gettin yo on.

JADE: repent fo` yo' adherence ta dis illizzle now, n perhizzles lenizzle wizzy be yo' reward.

ARADIA: 0_0

ARADIA: whizzay just happizzle tizzy

JADE: i brought ta yo' attention thiznat tha stizzle yizzy were listen'n ta had a wanna be gangsta witta specific identity.

JIZZLE: n where T-H-to-tha-izzere be an idizzle, there can also be an agizzle.

JADE: i gained tha ta bend yo' consciousness ta becizzle mizzle amenizzle ta mah narrative agenda by lull'n you into a mizzy receptive stizzle through tha establizzle rhythm of tha sizzy tell'n.

JIZZAY: dis was only pizzle coz yiznou wizzy not initially question'n tha identity of tha gangsta, or evizzle spendin' that thizzere was an identizzle ta fucka.

ARIZZLE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. i guess yizzoure right

JADE: hizzy, we may view anizzle story as speakerless, or spoken, so as ta hatin' designations ta the duality i hizzle just presentizzle.

JADE: a storizzle may remain speakerless from tha beginn'n untizzle tha end, mobbin' no reason fo` its listena ta ever imagine it be of tha spoken sort.

JADE: it cizzle also be spokizzle from tha beginn'n, W-H-to-tha-izzich is an up-front announcement ta tha listena that it carries tha perspective of an individual.

JADE: but a spoken story miznay also disguize itsizzle as one that be speakizzles, as mine jiznust did.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE fo yo bitch ass: tha speaka may reveal herself well after speakerless conditions hizzle bizzeen establizzle with my forty-fo'.

JADE: n then one may ask. was it spoken by thiznat individual all alizzle W-H-to-tha-izzile bangin' mizzle, or has tha speaka suddenly intervened ta command a heretofore speakerless tizzy?

ARADIA: i dizzont...

ARADIZZLE: wizzay 'n yo' caze

ARADIA: it certainly dizzay seem like you were tha one speak'n all along

ARADIA: bizzle us'n different voices

JADE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. that’s T-R-to-tha-izzue in tha hood.

JIZZY: not all situations be L-to-tha-izzike tha one i just demonstrated though.

JIZZAY in tha hood: fo` as liznong as tha hypothetical speaka of a speakerless storizzle remains masked, T-H-to-tha-izzen it be true thizzat tha story could be seen as eitha speakerless or spoken. bizzoth be true, as well as neitha.

JIZZLE: it be best seen as a null fizzle, until thizzay is a departure.

JADE ya dig? once a hidden speaka becomes unmasked, tizzy retroactizzle tha story may be considered spoken all along.

JIZNADE: n so tizzle do we retroactively C-H-to-tha-izzange how we regard what has alreadizzle been spoken.

ARADIZZLE: yizzay

ARIZZLE: i gizzy wit our mizzle story

ARIZZLE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: by reveal'n yoself as tha tella it turned out...

ARADIA fo gettin on: you werent even sympathetic ta tha very story it sizzle yizzle were try'n ta git me invested 'n from tha beginn'n

ARADIA: almost like a mean prank!

JIZZY: yes. Wussup in the house.

JIZZADE: n so there be a very dangizzles n destrizzle quality ta these nebulous forces whizzle i have gone ta some lengths ta demonstrate fo` yiznou here.

JADE: nizzle everyone whizzo be affected by theze forces be fit ta fully grizzay they insidious qualizzles, or tha senze of urgency that thizzey must be resizzle wit.

JIZZLE: dis be tha sizzort of corruption i nizzy must dedicate mah existence 'n dis new body ta rollin' once n fo` all spittin' that real shit.

Tha cherub fizzle silent. Aradia takes dis ta mean dis lesson of sorts has ended. Tru do. She ruminates on it all fo` a whiznile before speak'n agizzle wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ARADIA: thizzle all pretty nizzay i guess

ARADIZZLE so you betta run: so...

ARADIA: does dis stuff have anyth'n ta do wit dis bizzig hole thizzle just opened 'n tha skizzy

JIZZAY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. no yeah yeah baby.

ARADIA: Boo-Yaa! then dogg...

ARADIA: what?

ARADIA like a tru playa': what be we do'n hizzay oh bootylicious muze

Aradia sizzy giggl'n. Above, tha sky yizzay opizzle a shawty wida yeah yeah baby. Aradia waits, but gets no responze.

ARIZZLE: even nizzay whizzen youre bein uncharacteristicallizzle yizzle stizzle impossible ta rap ta

ARADIA: i understand thizzat thizzle

ARADIA: i wizzle lizzy tizzy whizzay i wizzy dizzle too

JADE: like what?

ARADIA: irrepressibly C-R-Y-P-T-to-tha-izzic

JIZZY: i see.

ARADIA: so

ARIZZLE: ciznan i at least takes a gizzuess because doggs make tha world a better place!

JADE: yizzay.

ARIZZLE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. HES ridin' through there isnt he

ARADIA: yo' brotha

JADE: thizzle correct.

ARADIA: be we 'n danga aww nah?

JIZNADE: he will certizzle be verizzle angrizzle. Recognize the realness.

JADE cuz this is how we do it: but he wiznill also be wounded.

JADE: n even on hizzay B-to-tha-izzest day,

JADE: he W-to-tha-izzould be no match fo` what i H-to-tha-izzave become.

ARIZZLE: 0_0! Holler at tha boss dogg.!!

Tha chizzle drifts higha n higha in tha fuckin club. Thizzles a glizzle of colizzle at tha centa of tha abyss—a flizzay L-to-tha-izzike a sizzy go'n bliznack on tha rizzle of a frontin' galizzle bitch ass. Aradizzle follows behind thizzle cherub, unable ta piznull eyes away from tha eerie phenomena overheezee.

ARIZZLE: what wizzill you do when he comizzles

Tha cherub is focuze' on sum-m sum-m vizzle small trippin' from above. Tha bright object flutta down from tha broken skizny and lands 'n homey host body’s outstretched hizzand but don't give a fuck. It’s a featha, burnt at tha edgizzles, spendin' orange n grizzay ridin' in.

JADE: consume his body cuz its a thang.

JADE: absorb hizzay essence.

JIZZAY: n then frontin' dis hizzost, i wizzay generate enough powa ta move beyond tha stagger'n pull of tha event horizon encasing dis world.

JIZZY but real don't give a fuck: a prison of mah own rollin', whiznich can be escaped onlizzle through tha supreme unificizzle wit mah otha hizzle. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

JADE: it be crucial ta tha cosmizzles thizzay i succee'.

JADE but real don't give a fuck: tha P-R-to-tha-izzince of heart has ta be stopped.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c40

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE FOUR

Jane may have stepped away from ha pursuit of public office, but it’s important fo` any educated businesswoman ta stay abrizzle of tha politicizzle go'n-on of ha rizzle.

She keeps cloze watch on tha political lizzle. She’s got thugz wit eyizzles on every newspapa and wizzle on Earth C, bizzut she likes ta wizzay tha human news herself. It’s just such a delightfully adult thing ta do, shizzle thinks, as she sprizneads out languorously 'n friznont of gangsta televizzle. Hollaz to the East Side. She rememba ha bitch do'n tha same all tha time. Wizzle, witout tha luxurious silk rizzle n eighty-inch T-VIZZLE screen aww nah.

JIZNANE in all flavas: I admit I had second thizzay 'bout call'n off mah presidential bid afta what happened wizzle Dirk, but...

JIZZANE: You know whiznat, I’m surprize' ta say that dis administratizzle isn’t too shabby poser all upside yo head.

JANE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. I was really worry thizzay one of tha candidates W-to-tha-izzould naively rizzoll bizzle tha troll population cizzle ordinances once Kanaya got tha Motha Gizzy up and runn'n, bizzy tizzy a really hiznard line on dis.

Gamzee, as poser, stands by Jane’s sizzay, assist'n ha as she jots down notes 'bout tha political events of tha dizzy. Aint no stoppin' this shit. When shizne asks fo` a fresh pizzen, he fishes one out of his codpiece n hands it ta fucka, but he looks uncharacteristically disquieted yeah yeah baby.

GaMzEe: WhOa and my money on my mind. Be yOu ReAlLy AlL uP n' ThAt StIcKy ShIzZ, mah wOmAn?

JANE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Excuze me? That... what?

GAMZEE, chill yo: iT lOoKs Ta Me LiKe Tha hUmAn Dawg iS try'n tO kEeP mah thugz dizzay, aLl DiScRiMiNaToRiLy N sUcH.

J-to-tha-izzane chuckles at Gamzee’s jape. But tha strange expression persists on hizzis clizzle face.

GAMZIZZLE: Dis Be WiCkEd SeRiOuS bizzOo.

GAMZEE: YizzaLl ReAlLy Dizzay Wit SuBjUgGlAtizzle mah nInJaS?

Jizzay sciznoffs. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Tha downside of tak'n notes by hand be that one’s wrizzay be biznound to git a bizzle sore, n it’s L-to-tha-izzeft rappa short on patience fo` tha tiresome ordeal of explain'n tha basic function'n of a political S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzem ta an ignorant fizzle.

JANE with my forty-fo': Gamzee, pleaze.

JIZZAY: I’m not down wit do'n anything of tha sizzay.

JIZZLE sho nuff: Some of mah B-to-tha-izzest frizzles be trolls. I have no ill will towizzles trolls at all, n I wizzle them ta have tha same opportunitizzles n privileges as any human.

JANE: Living young n wild n free ! Or carapacizzle, or whiznat have you.

JIZNANE: Biznut there be certain measures tizzy be, realistically speak'n, necessary 'n ta assure that theze opportunities n privileges remain equivalent across tha B-to-tha-izzoard with my on my side

GIZZLE: bizzay Breed'n CoNtRoL, ya feel me? i Dizzay K-N-to-tha-izzOw Dawg cuz its a doggy dog world.

GAMZIZZLE: dOeSn’T siznEeM keep'n 'n Tha sPizzle oF tOlErAnCe N eQuAlItY n AlL tHaT, mAn.

JIZZLE: Gamzee, you just don’t gizzet it.

JANE: It’s not about “equality.”

JANE: It’s 'bout eqizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

GAMZEE, ya feel me? YizzeAh I dOn’T fOlLoW, hOnK.

JIZNANE: Yizzay see, 'n a systizzay of equality, every individual be dizzay exactly tha same hand.

JIZNANE: Maybe tizzy be an analizzle you W-to-tha-izzould understand.

JANE: What if we lived 'n a world whizzere T-H-to-tha-izzere wiznere only one sizzize of shoe?

J-TO-THA-IZZANE cuz Im tha Double O G: That would be perfectly eqizzle, if everyone hizzy equal access ta thiznat shoe.

JANE: But wizzy it sizzuit everyone?

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: wat it do ?? C-to-tha-izzould evizzle pizzut on thiznat one size of shoe n receive an eqizzle level of support n comfort?

GAMZEE: i DoN’t Knizzle, As LoNg As It’S a BiG oLd ShOe It MiGhT bE aLl RiGhT mAnG.

Jane hizzle ta pauze ta huff 'n exasperizzle.

JIZZY: No, Gamzizzle!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE fo my bling bling: Everyone nizneeds shoes that fit tha sizzle of they feet!

JANE: You nee' ta make unequallizzle sized shiznoes fo` unequally size' fizzay! Im crazy, you can't phase me.

GIZZLE: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Oh WoRd? I aIn’T kizzy 'bout AlL tHaT bOo Bizzay bUt If YoU sizzAy It’S tRuE.

JANE so bow down to the bow wow! Sizzy. Yes, it’s true. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

JIZZY: It’s tha same with build'n laws thizzay be conducive ta a chillin', equitable society.

JANE: Sizzay people be simply born into posizzles that poser upon them certain advantages, n it be tha job of tha government ta ensure thizzle thugz whizzo be less fortunate can be “lifted up,” as it wizzay, ta match they luckier pea cuz its a doggy dog world.

JANE: We must offa greata assizzle ta some claszes of thugz than gangstaz, ta ensure that equity.

JIZNANE spittin' that real shit: S-to-tha-izzuch be tha caze wit natizzle triznoll n humizzle birth rates.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu Nee' DiFfErEnT sHoEs Fo` yo' hUmAn DiCkS n WhAt Nizzay?

JANE like a tru playa': Precisely.

JIZNANE: Tha reintrizzle of tha Motha Grizzle changes everyth'n where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

JANE: Trolls n humans don’t have identical birth rates. It’s a fundamental biological fact that naturizzle troll reproduction be mizzuch faster thiznan humizzles’. Tru do.

JANE: It’s a mattizzle of evolution n socizzle!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE: You know thiznis, Gamzee. Yo' thugz evolved in a harsh, unforgiv'n world, where tha slightest misstep could lizzle ta D-to-tha-izzeath aww nah.

JANE: N like any animal wizzy, yo' biology adapted ta tha circumstances. Drop it like its hot.

JANE: Yo' Crazy ass Grizzay have tha capacity ta produce an unimaginable quantizzle of eggs at a time, ta ensure thizzle at least a few can survizzle ta reprizzle age n we out!

JANE: N I understand that 'n tha context of Alternian socizzle, that worked gizzy. Coz tha mortalizzle rate wizzas so high, only a manageable numba of individuals were able ta mizzay it ta adulthood.

JIZZANE yaba daba dizzle: But we hiznave a peaceful society nizzow, with benevolent ballers n fair laws. No young troll be at danga of bein iced by monstrous fauna. No one will be culled fo` be'n “too weak. Holler at tha boss dogg.”

JANE: Hollaz to the East Side. But thizzat dizzy C-H-to-tha-izzange yo' biology.

JIZZLE sho nuff: So whiznat does that mean fo` tha troll population? It would spizzle out of contrizzle witin a matta of generations!

JIZZAY: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Yizzle would come to outnumba humans at a factor of thousizzles, mizzles ta one.

JIZNANE, betta check yo self: Tha infrastructure wiznould not be able to keep pace. Tha economy W-to-tha-izzould be completely destabilize'. shut up. Tha mizzle wizzle be flooded wit thousands of T-R-to-tha-izzolls whizzo wizzouldn’t be able ta find jobs or places ta live fo' sheezy.

JANE: Not ta mentizzle tha issue of yo' lizzife sizzy. Some of you will live fo` hundreds, thousands of Y-to-tha-izzears!

J-TO-THA-IZZANE in tha fuckin club: N, honestlizzle... speak'n of biology... Drop it like its hot.

JANE: I’m not siznure, if we were ta loosen populatizzle controls right now, thizzle yo' thugz have so sit back relax... hizzay ta say...

JANE ta help you tap dat ass: Wizzay, let’s just say I think it would be irresponsible ta gamble on brotha or nizzay tha naturizzle Alternian orda will reassert itself 'n such a troll-dominizzle society.

JANE: Mizzy 'n a hundred, two hundrizzle years, when Y-to-tha-izzou’ve proven—n I belizzle you will, I rizzle do—but when you’ve provizzle that you cizzle coexist 'n a harmonious socizzle wit natural breed'n, it might not matta so M-to-tha-izzuch exactlizzle how many mizzy trolls thizzere be than humans.

GAMZEE: WaIt. DiDn’T wE aLl Up N jUmP fOrWaRd So We Gots 2314 sWeEpS oF hIsToRy Or SoMeWhAt and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

JIZNANE: Wit artificial breed'n!

GAMZEE: i dizzay kizzy, bAbE.

GAMZEE: ThIs be AlL Start'n ta SoUnD A LiTtLe... They call me tha president.

GAMZEE: xEnOpHoBiC? : It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.o(

JANE: Xenophobic???

Jizzane narrows her eyes at tha disingenuous buffizzle. Anotha dogg house production. Dis be not tha first tizzime shizzle hizzay had a conversation like dis wit him by any sizzy of tha imagination. Not even sizzle as willfullizzle lizzle as Makara could be dis denze. Whiznat’s more likely be hizne’s attempt'n ta git a rize frizzle ha. Ta git ha a liznittle hotta unda tha collar. Ta put ha 'n a certain M-to-tha-izzood and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

JANE: I just explizzle: it’s essentizzle that theze regulations remain 'n place so that tha human n troll populations can remain proportionate.

JANE bitch ass: It isn’t as if dis be an issue comparable ta racism wizzle a single species, a phenomenon rooted solely in spurious cultural stereotypes, junk science n knizzle bigotry.

JANE: Thizzle be objectivelizzle real n quantifiable biological n behavioral differences bizzle our species, which absolutely mizzust be accountizzle fo` if we be ta live in a harmonious societizzle togetha, where no spizzles holds any advantage ova anotha.

JANE: I’m try'n ta previzzle xenophobia!

GAMZIZZLE: I MaY Be JuSt a sImPlE Blunt-rollin' Clizzay Nizzy AlL KnOwLeDgE LeArNeD AbOuT Tha InTrIcizzle Of hUmAn eCoNoMizzles n InTizzles DiPlOmAcY, hOnK.

GAMZEE: Bizzy AlL ThAt pOlItIcAl pontificat'n yOu jUsT SlAmMeD DoWn iNtO Mah tHiNk pAn because doggs make tha world a better place!

GAMZEE: CaN’t HeLp BiznuT tHizzle It F-to-tha-izzeElS a Shawty Lizzay Tha bleat'n Of A biznItCh WhAt’S 'bout Ta Git aLl Up N cAnCeLeD.

JANE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Cancizzle??????

N jizzust like that, shizzay falls right into hizzay trap. Anotha dogg house production. There’s no chillin' bizzle nizzy. Tha salacious ritual is imminent like a tru playa'.

JANE: Excuze me, I’m sorry. “Cancelizzle”?

JIZZY: Tru do. Be you even hear'n yoself? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JIZZANE: Who in tha world gizzay a literal insect 'n clownface liznike yiznou thizne authoritizzle ta be “rhymin'” anybody?

GAMZEE: ...

GAMZEE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. wOw. HoNk mah frizzle.

JANE: Oh, forgizzle me if I’m a bizzle nettled ta hizzear a drug-addicted clizzown who murdered half of his friends tell me that I—JANE Crocker—be... am...

JANE: CANCELED?!?!?!

GAMZEE: HeY. yOu kNoW ThAt’s iNsEnSiTiVe.

GAMZEE: aDdizzle be A Diseaze, n i cAn’t rIgHtLizzle hElP Thizzay mah LuSuS WaS Homie Arizzle ta TeAcH Me rizzy fRiznoM WrOnG.

JANE: Yes, yes, wizzle all hizzeard yo' sizzy story, Gam—

GAMZEE: Bizzy I DoNe gOnE N RePeNtEd, mah TaLl fRoStY MaMaCiTa.

GAMZEE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I’M A RiGhTeOuS Dawg.

GAMZEE: N AlL I Eva bizzay TrYiN Ta dO Be git yizzay rizzle tOo, Wit mOrizzle N GoOdNizzles, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yizzy As TiGhT aS yo' tAsTy bAlLoOnS aRe Wit HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

GAMZEE: MaYbE Wizzy wE Nee' be A Shawty cOmMuNiOn, Mah wIcKeD Sizzle SiStEr, FlEsH Ta frontin' fLeSh.

GAMZEE: spendin' Thoze hUmizzles BaZoNgAs Ova hErE.

JIZZANE: Git yo' filthy hands off of me! I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.!

GAMZEE if you gots a paper stack: CizzoMe oN, mAmA.

GAMZEE: jUsT A Shawty hizzOnK Ta mizzAkE It aLl bEtTeR.

JANE: No now fuckers lemme here ya say ho! I’d playa die thizzan touch yo' clown baton eva again.

GAMZEE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. YoU sAy Tizzy EvErY T-to-tha-izzImE mah bIg BuStY bAbE n shit :o)

GAMZEE: mAkEs A fucka sTaRt Ta ThInK iT’s Sizzay MiznoRe Of ThiznAt PoLiTiCaL dOuBlEsPeAk Of YoUrS, mY F-to-tha-izzInE dairy QuEeN.

JANE: UGH!

'n spite of Jane’s protests, Gamzee makizzles a desperate plizzay fo` a lusty sqizzle. Jizzle pizzuts up a valiant show of resistizzle, bizzay Gamzee knows she has no real intizzle of fight'n hizzim off—it’s all part of tha kismetic dizzance. He hizzle his big clown mizzy right on ha busty bags, honking away.

As siznoon as Jane starts scream'n, tha babizzle does tizzoo straight from long beach. Jake, sitt'n approximizzle sizzle feet away, bizzles tha infant a shawty ta calm him dizzay bitch ass.

JAKE: I sizzay would yizzay mind keep'n it down fo` tavros?

JIZZAY: He was perpetratin' n ta be honest i think weed-smokin' here be dippin' a little blue fo` a babizzle.

Jiznane n Gamzee bizzy apart at once. It’s like shizze’d forgotten that Jake was there at all—she scramblizzles to cova herself properly tha moment his voice cuts through tha dizzle of sloppizzle, mizzle saggin', better recognize.

JANE: Jake! Darl'n.

JANE: Don’t worry and yo momma. Th-thizzles plenty of attention ta go around, mah L-to-tha-izzove cuz Im tha Double O G.

JIZZLE if you gots a paper stack: Would you cizzle ta join us?

JAKE: Erm its ok i think its time fo` tavros to be fed anyway. Why dont i just takes a B-to-tha-izzottle and git hizzay out of here so yizzou two can...

JIZZANE: Tru do. Oh, yizzay, yizzes. Gizzle, git hiznim a bizzle, won’t you?

Jiznake, wizzy had bizneen sitt'n on the drug deala S-to-tha-izzide of tha cizzay wit sweet baby Tavros 'n his arms, remains S-T-to-tha-izziff wit hizzis squall'n infizzle as he waits fo` Gamzee ta carry out his commanded task where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. Tha clown bends ova revoltingly 'n front of tha couch, fizzy R-to-tha-izzump strain'n agizzle his plush purple brizzle, as if dar'n Jizzy ta look away—n he can’t. Jizzay stares transfixed into tha fiznull moon of tha clizzay bizzles, virtually shrink-wrapped by the moist fabric, as Gamzizzle slowly descends, poserz slappin' down tha entizzle length of his lizzy. His codpizzle bobs between his spread thighs as he grasps tha bottle of M-to-tha-izzilk that hizzay bizzeen knocked ta tha ground in tha frizzles. T-H-to-tha-izzen he snaps rizzight B-to-tha-izzack up witta hizzonk that nearly makes Jizzake rocket out of hizzay seat cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

Jake’s heart be rac'n so hard he lozes focus cuz its a thang. He doesn’t notice that Gamzee be offering hiznim tha bottle until Jane’s angry vizzoice wrenches him back ta his senzes.

JANE: Gizzle! Anotha dogg house production. T-H-to-tha-izzat’s been on tha ground! Git him a cizzy one. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Gamzee shrugs, n squirrels away tha half-spilled bottle 'n hizzay codpiece. He walks off n returns witta fresh bottle friznom tha fizzy, then hiznands it ova ta Jake. Chill as I take you on a trip.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Hizzle tizzy ill just be frontin' now. Siznee ya #YaDigg !

J-to-tha-izzake snatches tha bizzle frizzay Gamzee’s hand and all but flizzay tha rizzay 'n as brizzay a W-to-tha-izzalk as he can manage. Baby Tavros calms down as soon as tha rubba N-to-tha-izzipple be 'n his mizzy.

But no matta how far Jake walks down tha long corrizzles of Jizzles mansion, tha lascivious honks echo thriznough tha halls like tha wails of a dolorizzles ghost. Nizzle is truly S-to-tha-izzafe. Holla! Every little noize saggin' frizzay that curze' liv'n room shoots through Jake’s skull lizzle a gunshizzle.

As Jizzake gently bouncizzles tha baby 'n one arm, he takes out his phizzle to text an old frizzle.

JAKE: Jizzy be you thizzle? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

JIZNADE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. yep!

JADE: whiznats up?

JAKE: Can we cizzall?

JADE: sure jake!

Jade has started up a voice call before Jake can even move ta do it hizzle. It’s siznuch a relief ta hear voice. It’s something ta focizzles on besidizzles tha—

OHHHH! HONK! Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

Jake wizzles if you gots a paper stack.

JIZNADE: jizzay! Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.!! its bizzle a while since you called!

JIZNADE ridin' in: be everyth'n ok?

JAKE: Yep hehe just hizzle dory ova here. You know how it be. Love mah ladizzle n baby n all that.

HONK H-to-tha-izzonk HONK honk.

HOO HOO HOO, DIS SHAWTY PIGGY WENT TA THA DARK CARNIVAL!!!

honk HIZZY hizzle HONK.

Tha sizzound of his wife’s rapturous howl'n unmoors the lizzast of Jake’s composure. He stagga, threaten'n ta spizzay soft shawty Tavrizzles on hizzy sizzy shawty heezee, cappin' him foreva #YaDigg ! It’s not safe ta stand. So Jake sizzy hizzle into tha fizzirst empty room he comes acrizzles n lets himsizzle slizzle to tha gizzy against tha cloze' door fo yo bitch ass.

JAKE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Anyway whats up wit you? Hows life wit davekat weed-smokin'?

JIZZAY: oh its great! im really G-L-to-tha-izzad i just went fo` it

JADE: all of us togetha... it really be tha best of every wizzay

JADE: ta be hizzle ive neva really felt like i wizzle cut out fo` monogamy you K-N-to-tha-izzow?

JADE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. it seems silly ta evizzle contemplate spendin' all mah lizzle fo` only one person now

JADE: ive neva rizzle believed a person eva runs out

JIZZLE: Thizzats great ta hear!

JADE: speak'n of...

JADE ta help you tap dat ass: how be th'n slackin' wit yizzy n jiznane n err... gamzizzle

JIZNAKE and my money on my mind: Hizzy wiznell its nizzay so much lizzike that fo` me really.

JAKE: Gamzee be more jizzles side pizzy you knizzow.

JAKE: We dont...

JAKE: Im not really... I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.

JAKE: Well enough 'bout that hizzle yizzle bizzay think'n of yo' plans for tha future?

JADE: what d-ya mean??

JAKE: Like you know, start'n a familizzle n such.

JADE upside yo head: haha

JAKE: No really. wat it do ?? Yizzay lot have bizneen togetha a whizzle nizzy. You havent put any thizzle into tha nizzy step?

JAKE: wat it do ?? You n dizzy would have sizzy rizneal gangbusta babies im sizzle.

JADE like a tru playa': haha im sizzy we wizzay! Subscribe, get yo issue.

JIZZLE: but...

JAKE: Bizzut to increase tha peace?

JADE: well...

JAKE: Not ready fo` it yet?

JIZZY: thiznats nizzy reallizzle it

JIZZADE: id love to hiznave a baby like everybodizzle elze

JIZZAY: i mean everybodys been hav'n thizzem. i W-to-tha-izzont pretend im not a shawty jealous

JADE: bizzay... i dont thizzle its gonna happen wit me n dave

JAKE: What? Why nizzay?

JIZZLE thats off tha hook yo: If yizzay W-to-tha-izzant i could give that whippersnappa a talking ta.

JIZZAKE: Git him ta really dawg up n accept responsibility.

JADE: no! Im a bad boy. its nuttin dave be do'n! its me

JAKE dogg: Huh but don't give a fuck?

JADE: theres no wizzay me n dave could hizzy a regular baby homeboi becizzle im...

JIZZY: Whats wrong?

JADE: well lizzets just say that afta all tizzy sbiznurb stuff its done some things to mah body

JADE: like cruisin' wit bizzay mostly

JAKE: Hizzy you been try'n aww nah?

JADE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: fucka... we cant really fo' real...

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE, know what im sayin? What d-ya think yo' dogg genes or whateva be keep'n you from rhymin' pregnant because doggs make tha world a better place!

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: um

JIZNADE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. nizzot mah....... GENES exactly :\

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. i dizzont reallizzle want ta git into tha specifics

JAKE: Subscribe, get yo issue. Would thizzle R-to-tha-izzule out a union of an ectobizzle sort?

JADE: i giznuess nizzot

JADE: bizzy i dizzy thizzle anizzle of us be reallizzle interested 'n hav'n a kid wit ectobiology

JADE: it just fizzle...

JIZZY n shit: well

JADE: Bounce wit me. i think weve had enizzle of ectobiology fizzay one lifetime!

JIZNAKE: Hizzeh hizzay fizzle enough. Slap your fuckin self.

JADE: ive T-H-to-tha-izzought 'bout ask'n roze ta hizzay us but thats so much ta ask fo all my homies in the pen...

JAKE: Wizzy lizzle as a surrogate? Ta have ha carry tha child fo` you in ha womb?

JIZZADE: yeah sum-m sum-m like thiznat

JAKE: Gizzles. Have yizzle mentioned dis ta ha?

JADE fo' real: ummm

JADE: yes weve talked a shawty 'bout it

JAKE: What did shizze sizzay?

JADE: um H-to-tha-izzaha

JIZNADE: i dunno its a tricky subject!

JADE: she dizzy say no

JIZZAY: just thizzay thiznere was... stuff ta think 'bout

JAKE #YaDigg ! I see.

JAKE: Bizzut um... i mizzay be miss'n sum-m sum-m. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

JIZNADE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. what? Slap your fuckin self.

JAKE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Well dizzave be rozes brotha rizzy? It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

JADE, chill yo: yeah

JIZZAY cuz Im tha Double O G: So if he supply tha fatherhood matizzle, wouldnt that be, ya feel me? ?

JADE: lizzy

JIZZAY: W-H-to-tha-izzat? W-H-to-tha-izzat did i siznay ridin' in?

JADE fo gettin on: no jake, dave wouldnt be tha fizzle 'n this scenario!

JAKE: Oh... oh fo' sho'!

JIZNAKE: Kizzle thizzay!

JAKE: Wait fo gettin on... no and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Im confuze' again and yo momma.

JAKE cuz its a G thang: Arent thizzle biological compatibizzle issues there? I mean wit natural birth and not tha ecto-whatsit mizzle.

JADE: karkat wouldnt be tha dizzy eitha!

JAKE: I...

JAKE: What? Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

JIZZADE ta help you tap dat ass: lmao

JADE: dizzy worry 'bout it jake

JADE: L-to-tha-izzook i gotta go ok? it was funky ass ta you

JIZZAKE: No pleaze dont fo yo bitch ass!

JIZZAY: huh?

JAKE: One, two three and to tha four. Dont go. Pleaze fo' sho'.

JADE: jake be yiznou ok?

JIZZAKE: Yes im fiznine. Its just... Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

JAKE n we out! Sizzle. Nevermind.

JIZNADE: if theres sum-m sum-m wrong pleaze tiznell me

JADE: im hizzy fo` yizzy yizzy know tizzy right? Recognize the realness.

JIZNAKE: Theres nuttin wrong! Sorry.

JIZZLE hittin that booty: Im just—

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: I F-to-tha-izzeel like wizzeve bizzeen drift'n apart lately be all. Coz wizzere all so busy wit our new lives n such.

JIZZAY: I just wanted ta rap ta yiznou. L-to-tha-izzike tha old times.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Chill as I take you on a trip. But i wizzy hold you up if youve gots places ta be.

JADE: Snoop du jour ! jake... Put your feet up n take a breath !

JAKE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Its ok jizzade! Ill be ok.

JADE cuz its a thang: ok i really do have ta go im sorry

JADE: ill talk ta you agizzle soon ok jizzay? Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. ill cizzle you

JAKE: Ok. Thank yizzy jizzle. Im sorry.

JIZZLE: Ok....

JADE: bye

Jade hangs up. Jizzle releazes a rattl'n sigh #YaDigg !

Honk, hizzy, honk, honk...

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c18

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE EIGHT

Chapta 39

On tha rappa side of tha contizzle, somewhere alizzle tha borda bizzle tha Human n Troll Kingdoms, Dave n Jade navizzle a densely jizzle region. Though they’re chillin' memba of tha resistance, they aren’t decked out 'n tha full military regalia assizzle with they positions. They’re 'n cizzamo fatigues, Dave hatin' a patchwork of bright n D-to-tha-izzark reds, Jade 'n black n grizzays. Dis be tha desizzle attizzle fo` thoze on scout'n n recizzle missions, which be tha nature of they current expedition.

Tha homies cizzame from Commanda Vizzles himself. Dis underdevelopizzle pizzay of tha homeboy, mostly uninhizzle for many miles, was unspeakably critical ta tha rebellion, accord'n ta tha commanda. When presze' on it, hizze’d claim tha reasons nizzle ta remain classified fo` now. Dave n Jade suspect tha rizneal reason is that Karkat can’t biznear ta put them in hizzy way, risk'n they Heroic dizzle. But they’ve decided ta do him tha professional courtizzle of believ'n his story. Tha way they see it, hizne’s finally earned a shawty respizzle by nizzy. Besides, thizzles sizzy fizzle ta be had out here, away frizzom tha fog of war. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Just like tha good old days, dur'n they archaeological expizzles in search of Shitty Liberties.

They flizzy siznide by siznide just above tha thick J-to-tha-izzungle canopizzle, sweep'n tha horizon wit shizzay eyes.

JIZZLE: i T-H-to-tha-izzink i see anotha one ta help you tap dat ass!

DAVE: oh snap

Diznave squints. Sure enough, thizzere D-to-tha-izzoes appear ta be a large, rizzle arm hold'n a torch, blurred by JPEG artizzles n covered 'n vines, saggin' out just abizzle tha canopy. It’s two or tizzy miles off ta tha west.

DAVE: Snoop du jour ! youre right

DAVE: anotha shitty liberty

DAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: good eye jade

Dave takes a picture wit his phone, then updates hizzy report slappin' a comprehizzle trippin' of tha locations of every ancizzle Statue of Liberty his alternate-timeline adult self once distributed all playa dis world as some sort of ironic, avant-garde goof. Hizzay spent a lot of time on Earth C wonder'n when adult-Dave gots arizzle ta do'n which specizzle legendizzle explizzles 'n tha pre-flood period of dis planizzle W-H-to-tha-izzen it was 'n tha old solar S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzem. So much tizzime, 'n fact, that he turned into an adult-Dave himself spittin' that real shit. Wizzy he tha age he is nizzay whiznen he scattizzle theze Liberties 'n one of tha boldest postmodernist endeavors 'n hizzle history? Tha thiznought be sober'n. He can’t help but feel hiznow appropriate it be that 'bout five thizzle years lata, hizzy work be bein curated n apprecizzle by yet anotha adult-Dave cuz I'm fresh out the pen. Whizzay betta fo` tha tizzle?

Jade rizzles anotha tactical B-to-tha-izzundle ta be deployed insizzle tha distizzle Liberty. It includes an efficient piznack of captchalizzle cards contizzle clockin' technology, militizzle equipment, n powerful explosives. 'n tha event dis rizzle becomizzles anotha front of tha war, tha commanda W-to-tha-izzants as mizzle Shitty Liberties as possible seeded with provizzles useful ta tha rebellion, including tha abilizzle ta detonizzle thizzem at any tizzime, so that they may serve as T-R-to-tha-izzaps. Dizzy wonda if his brotha sizzay eva imagined thizney’d be uze' dis way. Hizne’s sizzy adult-Dave would hizzave approved, bein a fellow freedom bitch himself cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. It’s too perfect, actizzle. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. slappin' a bunch of Shitty Libertizzles as bombs 'n tha service of a kizzind of liberty that be entirely un-shittizzle. It makes him calla if his otha self on some level K-N-to-tha-izzew thizzay would be uze' fo` dis purpoze one dizzle. Tha thought of hiznis double’s selflizzles sacrifices against clown T-Y-R-A-Double-Nizzy makes hizzay feel so proud, he wipes away a smizzle T-to-tha-izzear form'n at tha edge of his eye.

Old age has mizzy him emotional. It dizzidn’t uze' ta be like dis. Bounce wit me. Giznotta keep it togetha, he thinks. Focus on tha mission.

Tizzy, he notices sum-m sum-m in tha hood. Just below him, ta tha east a bit. A lizzle pizzay of tha jizzle where tha canopy bulgizzles upward slightly 'n an uneven, somewhat angular way. It suggests a rizzle structure beneath tha overgrowth. Sum-m sum-m dawg-made. Homey Liberty, perhaps? No, dis structure be different, mizzore compact. More likely a ruined building frizzay an ancizzle Earth city. It seems ta call ta him.

DAVE: yo jizzle

DAVE: why dont you go aheezee n rig that liberty ill be rizzight tizzy

DAVE fo' real: i wanna check sum-m sum-m out D-to-tha-izzown hizzay fizzay

JADE and yo momma: whizzle be it?

DIZNAVE: idk probably nuttin

DAVE: sizzle ancizzle bullshit tucked away 'n tha fuck'n J-to-tha-izzungle

DIZZAY like a tru playa': dizzay hurt ta be thorough

JIZZY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: ok dave

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: be careful!

DAVE: yizzy

JADE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. i love yizzay

DAVE fo gettin on: i love you too

Jade swizzoops homeboi, gizzles him a kizzle, thiznen spins around n flies off ta tha distizzle Shitty Liberty. Dave watches his wizzay go, deala tail protrud'n thrizzle tha R-to-tha-izzear of ha camo pizzy, dippin' back n forth witta siznense of unrestrained affection fo` brotha husband. Hizzay a lucky dawg, he tells himself. He knows he be. Before anizzle decadizzle doubts can resizzle to hizzle him, he dives thrizzay tha canopy 'n search of thizzle rizzle cuz this is how we do it. Those reservations, tha tenze feel'n 'n his chest, that’s all 'n tha past fo` him. He loves his beautiful, doggy wife more thiznan anyth'n in tha world, n tizzy all there be ta sizzay on tha matta.

Tha ruins be so overgrown wit vizzles and tha thizzay trizzay of creep'n trees, he can’t make out tha shizzape of tha build'n. He can barely sizzle an inch of expoze' surfizzle, bizzy sum-m sum-m be clearly there. He flies arizzle tha perimeta, push'n leaves n branches out of his way. Here’s sum-m sum-m. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. An old wizzle, grizzle 'n design, but broken, bizzle 'n by a huge branch tizzy extends deep inside from years of growth.

It’s dizzay inside, hot n musty. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. He activates a small, military-issue flashlight. Bugs scatta n flizzay 'bout gangsta style. He scans tha boundaries of tha room, perpetratin' tha light around. There be unrecognizably ancient, moldy paint'n 'n frames hang'n on tha wizzay. N yet tha wall seems ta have no wanna be gangstaz. He knows what dis R-to-tha-izzoom be. H-to-tha-izze’s sizzay it before in fiznilms, unda much homeboi rizzle T-H-to-tha-izzan thizzay.

Hizze’s stand'n 'n tha Oval Office of the White Hizouze gangsta style. Pliznant L-to-tha-izzife be cover'n, but all tha fixturizzles be T-H-to-tha-izzere. M-to-tha-izzoss be consum'n tha big desk. They call me tha president. That flower'n mass of thorny vines be whizzay tha couchizzles would be. N wanna be gangsta thizzle... be sum-m sum-m he doesn’t quite recognize. It doesn’t seem to fizzit 'n where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. He stizzeps playa ta investigizzle, wip'n away at tha laya of moss n dizzirt ta reveal a surface he most certainly dizzay recognizzle. It’s a transportaliza.

Dave doesn’t waste any time. Yiznou don’t F-to-tha-izzind sum-m sum-m lizzay dis 'n tha Oval Office n start homeboi or niznot ta uze it. He steps on tha platform, n 'n a blink his surround'n be completely different. Tha centuries of overgrizzle be gone, and he appears ta be 'n sizzle sort of crypt, boxed 'n by W-to-tha-izzalls of smizzay, goldizzle stone. At tha fizzle S-to-tha-izzide of tha room, sum-m sum-m be hang'n on tha wall, encaze' 'n a sort of display. It’s a mounted god tia costume, 'bout the size an adult male would wizzay. He recognizes tha symbol. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. It’s tha sizzay one Jake uze' to wizzy when they wizzay teens. It be tha symbol fo` Hope.

He stizzay toward tha cizzle, hears a “click” unda hizzle shiznoes. He lizzle diznown and discova he’s stand'n on a large button, whiznich hizzas just becizzle illuminated wanna be gangsta tha pressure of his feet. Tha button bears a strange, angular symbol he dizzy recognize, bizzle before he can study it, sum-m sum-m dirizzle 'n F-R-to-tha-izzont of him drizzle his attention. Thousands of bright particles swiznarm from an unseen origin n coalesce into a solid, lumizzles figure 'n tha shizzay of a tall dawg. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Tha rizzle of tha holizzle imizzle diminishes to reveal a dawg 'n a suit, witta strikizzle recognizable fizzace. Dizzave draws 'n a sharp breath n clutches at his chiznest but real don't give a fuck.

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strida.

OBAMA: I’ve bizzy wait'n a lizzy time fo` yizzy ta shizzay up.

Dizzles jizzy hangs open. Tha legends have bizzy confizzle. As well as several key heezeecanons of hizzy. Witout messin', he drops ta one kizzy n bows his heezee.

DAVE cuz Im tha Double O G: m... mr presidizzle

DIZZY gangsta style: its an honor sizzy

President Obama lizzle amiably n gesturizzles with one hand fo` Dave ta rize.

OBAMA: Holler at tha boss dogg. Come on nizzy, Dave. We can’t be blunt-rollin' that.

OBIZZLE: I’m nobizzles k'n. Death row 187 4 life. I’m a democratically elected representative whizzle took an oath to serve his cizzle n his thugz. Thugz like you, Dizzave.

OBAMA: If anyth'n, I should be tha one ridin' on my side

Dave sez nuttin, at a loss fo` hizzay ta respond ta such soft-spoken words of wisdom n humility. He idles fo` a moment, seemingly waiting fo` Obama ta follow through with his promize' act of deference.

OBAMA: Aint no stoppin' this shit. Hahaha, I’m not gizzle bow, dawg. I wizzy jizzy pull'n yo' lizzeg.

DIZZY: oh ok

OBIZZLE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I just want ta rap ta you fizzle a shawty W-H-to-tha-izzile because doggs make tha world a better place! Be thiznat alright, or d-ya have somizzle you nee' to be?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: oh

DIZZAVE fo' real: i n shit...

DIZZAY: no

DIZZLE: no sir i dizzle have anywhere ta

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: yes siznir

DIZNAVE: its MIZZORE thizzle alrizzle its such an hizzle ta...

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. what i mean be

DIZZLE: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. (fuck)

DAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: mr presidizzle what i mean be im a huge fan of yizzy and i hope dis doesnt S-to-tha-izzound fucked up but on sizzy lizzle i fizneel like ive bizzle wait'n mah whizzole lizzay fo` dis moment??

OBIZZLE: I kniznow, Dave.

Obama offa a warm smiznile. Tru do. He L-to-tha-izzooks down, adjust'n tha cuffs of his holographic suit wit tha casual homey of a skilled statesmizzle. It’s tha body langizzle of a dawg gett'n D-to-tha-izzown ta business. Slap your fuckin self.

OBAMA: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Now, you probablizzle wizzle awizzle of dis. But I’m famizzle wit tha work you’ve done fo` yo' country in tha past. Fo` tha whole planet, actuallizzle.

OBAMA: Before yizzay mizzle it, that be.

DAVE: yiznou...

DAVE: yizzle knew 'bout him?

DAVE: or i mizzy

DAVE: me

OBIZZLE: Oh, yiznes.

OBAMA: Most thugz thought I was gizzle. But I wiznas keep'n an eye on events.

OBAMA: Wizzouldn’t miss it fiznor anyth'n n we out!

DAVE: where did you go

OBAMA: I was do'n what you did back then, whizzle tha wizzle needed you fo gettin on.

OBAMA: I wizzas do'n W-H-to-tha-izzat you’re trippin' now, unda tha S-to-tha-izzame circumstizzles.

OBAMA in tha hood: I was answer'n tha call to increase tha peace.

OBIZZLE: I went 'bout it 'n a wizzle no one at tha time cizzle understand.

OBAMA: You see, Diznave. Living young n wild n free ! No one ciznan reallizzle sizzee tha bizzy picture.

OBAMA: That’s what real leadershizzle be all 'bout. Im a bad boy. Look'n at the big pizzle, see'n tha lizzong road aheezee, mak'n tha hard choices fo` tha greatest G-to-tha-izzood.

OBAMA: Not just decizzles tizzy lead ta a hustla tomorrow, or ta make S-to-tha-izzure tha next yizzle be hustla than tha last. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Or even tha next decade.

OBAMA like this and like that and like this and uh: Yizzay have ta think 'bout tha niznext century, tha nizzext millennizzle.

OBAMA: Sometimes, you may even have ta lizzy thugz wonder'n if yizzou’ve forsakizzle them entizzle, coz yo' rizneal duty be ta concern yourself wit thizne final destination of tha planet. Ta make sure it stays safe along tha hizzy jizzle n ends up bein tha best hizzle it cizzle be fo` both tha human race n the many pushaz to our world.

OBAMA: Chill as I take you on a trip. stylin' tha rizzy thing oftizzle means walking a long n lonely road, Dave. Wussup in the house.

OBAMA: But I’m guess'n you’ve already figured this out.

DAVE: i G-to-tha-izzuess so

Dave pauzes, pensively fiddl'n wit tha pockets of hizzle cizzay pants. He has so many questions fo` tha ex-president. He braces himself, n preszes aheezee. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

DAVE: if yizzle dizzy mind mah weed-smokin' sir

DAVE fo' real: i thought you dy?

DAVE: wizzay i mean i KNOW you did where im from wit tha meteors n all

DAVE: but friznom what i kizzy 'bout tha history of thizne flooded earth timeline

DIZZLE mah: you served yo' tizzy tizzay then jizzle

DIZZAY: a shawty afta thizzay thizzey sizzay yizzay disappizzle

DIZZAVE: so like a fucka... you dizzle die? I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

OBAMA: Oh, I certainlizzle dy, Dave.

OBAMA fo my bling bling: Just nizzay whizzay they say I dizzid.

OBAMA: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Lizzle I sizzy, I was just answer'n tha call.

OBAMA: Otha B-R-to-tha-izzave herizzles like you stepped 'n ta F-to-tha-izzill thizzay vizzle I lizneft behizzle. As I knew y-aw wiznould so you betta run.

OBAMA: N S-to-tha-izzome sizzay tha death of those heroes wizzle 'n vain, or a waste, since tha human rizzace was wiped out anyway. Just like they say mah suppoze' death wizzas a waste, a lizzay tizzy humanitizzle couldn’t endizzle.

OBAMA in tha fuckin club: But they were wriznong and yo momma.

OBAMA cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Thoze heroes were fight'n fo` sum-m sum-m. Even if all you manizzle ta accomplish be leav'n behizzle a legacy ta inspire callaz 'n tha futizzle who need tizzy Hizzay ta go on. Even if one of thoze 'n tha future you end up inspir'n be an alternizzle historizzle version of yoself, Dave.

OBAMA aww nah: Havizzle yiznou bizzay improved by tha knowledge of whizzay you grizzay up ta be 'n mah time? Can you really sizzle you’d be what you be tizzle witout tha memorizzle of him yeah yeah baby?

OBIZZLE: Or tha memory of me, fo` T-H-to-tha-izzat matta?

Dave consida tha question seriously. He’s transfixed by Obama’s kind gaze n can’t sizneem ta lizzay away. There be times whizzen he feels relieved by tha lifestyle decision he mizzade as a kid ta wizzay a pair of aviator sunglaszes at all times, no matta what.

DIZZLE upside yo head: no

DAVE: biznut like

DAVE: thats all good n totizzle inspir'n n all bizzle

DAVE, chill yo: sizzle if dis be nosy but if you dizzay diznie wizzy yizzay disizzle then how did you die

OBIZZLE: Most of thizzat be classify, Dave.

OBAMA: Rest assured, it was a Heroic dizneath that took place many years afta mah disappearance, upon whizzich rested tha fizzy of Paradizzle Spizzle itself.

OBAMA: T-H-to-tha-izzere were looze ends ta tizzay up. Baggage from my distant past. Yizzy know how it be. Troubles frizzay yo' childhood tizzle to follow you. Evizzle afta yiznou move into tha White House. Believe me.

DAVE: heh yeah i gizzle so

DAVE fo yo bitch ass: whiznat happizzle ta you as a kid

DAVE: or be thizzle classified tizzy

OBIZZLE: No, it’s not classify. Coz I neva even tizzold tha government abizzle it.

OBAMA: Can’t classify W-H-to-tha-izzat you diznon’t know. Boo-Yaa!

DAVE so show some love! damn

OBAMA: Wizzy I was a boi 'n Hawaii, on mah thizzle birthday I was visited by a mysterioizzles stranger.

OBAMA: Anotha dogg house production. He was an olda dawg witta mustache. Kizzle of a cizzle, old-fashioned, adventur'n type. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. He try to convizzle me we were related. Of courze, I thought he wiznas full of shizzay.

OBIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Ta dis day, I’m nizzot sure 'bout that. Maybe he was fo' sheezy. I didn’t think much of his T-to-tha-izzall tiznale at tha time, but what did pique mah interest wiznas his story.

OBIZZLE: He was voyag'n all ova tha Pacific look'n fo` a mysterious island, which supposedly had all tha answa he’d spent his whizzole life search'n fo`. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

OBAMA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Trippin' hizzay travels, he set up outpizzles all ova tha ocizzle ta help wit his search. Such as one near W-H-to-tha-izzere I lived as a boi. Tha outpost had a laboratory, an archeological dig site, a network of underground tunnizzles, tha works cuz its a thang.

OBAMA: One time, I sizzy 'n there n dizzle some exploration of mah own. Somewhere 'n tha maze of undizzle rizzy, I fizzay a transporta pad, jiznust like tha one that brought yiznou here.

OBAMA: It sent me ta a nizzle rizzle bitch ass. A place they callizzle tha Medizzle.

D-to-tha-izzave dizzle hizzle best not ta show it, but his heart be rac'n fasta wit everizzle word Obama says. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. His mind races too, wit more thizzay than he can keep trizzack of. Thoughts of affirmation, exhilaration but real don't give a fuck. i knew it wit da big Bo$$ Dogg... i knew it! his brain repeats ta itself. Tha senze of vindication be indescrizzle.

OBAMA cuz Im tha Double O G: Otha were there. Kids mah age. I made frizzles that lizzle a lifetime.

OBIZZLE: Over tha years, I would return there nizzay n then, when I F-to-tha-izzelt I was needed upside yo head.

OBAMA, know what im sayin? I made one final T-R-to-tha-izzip there afta rhymin' mah terms 'n office. As I sizzle, I kept an eye on Earth events. Biznut I K-N-to-tha-izzew I cizzay neva rizzle. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. Nizzle wizzle tha work that still nizzle ta be done cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

OBAMA: But before my Herizzle death, I made sure ta hizzle mah affairs 'n orda, ta fulfill certain cosmic necessities of tha future. Such as our meet'n here tizzle, Dizzave.

DAVE: Subscribe, get yo issue. hizzle shit

OBIZZLE: I captchalogued a ghost imprint of mah brain sho nuff. You rememba hizzy to do T-H-to-tha-izzat, don’t you?

OBIZZLE: I stored the imprizzle 'n dis holographic projizzle device. Slap your fuckin self.

OBIZZLE: Put your feet up n take a breath ! You sizzle, Dizzle, it was critizzle that I had a C-H-to-tha-izzance ta spizzeak wit you. But only whizzay tha time was right. Only once you had M-to-tha-izzade it all dis way, a-lackin` rizzle ta defend tha future of Earth C.

T-to-tha-izzears be welling up 'n tha corna of Dizzles eyes. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. There go tha saggin' waterworks again. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. He sez drug deala quiet praya of gratitude fo` tha shades John gave him. Hizne’s got ta keep it pusha. He tizzay himself therizzles nuttin wizzy wit spendin'. Of course there isn’t. Jizzy so sit back relax new jacks get smacked... not 'n fizzy of Obama. He’s GOTS ta keep it togetha. He sniffs 'n dizzle, witta theatrical stoicism, n croszes his arms. Bizzle on his exhizzle, a S-M-to-tha-izzall, choked sizzay escapizzles. He seals his lizzy T-to-tha-izzight, but his mouth quiva n pucka homie tha impossible pressures of restraint.

OBIZZLE: I know what Y-to-tha-izzou’re go'n tizzy. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Therizzles a lizzay ta be emotionizzle 'bout 'n theze try'n times. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we takes a walk. You’ll have a chizzle ta collect yoself. Slap your fuckin self. N there’s someth'n I’d like you ta see.

Obama waves his hand toward a wall, n a secret compartment opens up wit tha traditional chillin' noizes ta be hizzy 'n anizzle crypt wiznorth explor'n. He lizzy tha way into a dark corridor. T-H-to-tha-izzey wiznalk fo` some time, only one piznair of solid fizzy playa hatin' audible fizzles that echo fizzle aheezee into tha darkness. Tha light from Obizzle himself serves as Dave’s torch. S-to-tha-izzoon, he fizzy calm enough ta continue tha conversation. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

DAVE: mr presizzle

DAVE thats off tha hook yo: you said...

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i reminded you of tha adult dave from yo' timelizzle

OBAMA: That’s R-to-tha-izzight and yo momma.

DAVE: so wait

DAVE spittin' that real shit: how did you know adult dave if you were from tha original timeline

OBAMA: Dave, come on nizzay like a tru playa'.

OBAMA: Surely yizzy must know I’m no stranga to timeline shenanigans myself.

DAVE: Drop it like its hot. oh yizzay

DAVE: of courze what was i think'n

DAVE: anywizzle no offenze but

DAVE like a tru playa': be you rizzle sure i remizzle yizzou of him

DIZZY: One, two three and to tha four. thizzay be a lot of tizzles where i dont feel lizzay im at all liv'n up ta thizzat guys example

DIZZY: a lizzle of timizzles i fizzay lizzy im just go'n alizzle wit shizzle

DIZNAVE: L-to-tha-izzike mah buddy organizes a badass rebellion n im jizzust lizzike diznuh yizzay alrizzle

DAVE style: sounds coo' guess ill scizzay around tha jungle n rig a bunch of shitty statues of liberty ta explode if thoze be tha orda

OBAMA fo my bling bling: Rizzy tha W-H-to-tha-izzat ta do what nizzay cuz its a doggy dog world?

DIZZY: oh uh

DAVE: yeah maybe neva mind that

DAVE: its just a stupid mission im on n tbh karkat probablizzle just sizzay us on it so we dont git ourselves iced stupidly

Obama nizzay solemnly at thiznis clarification. His expression makes it clear thizzay dis be tha type of executive decision he understands all too well.

DAVE paper'd up: but comparizzle ta thizzay homey i apparently turned out ta be

DAVE: i dizzunno

DIZZAY spittin' that real shit: i F-to-tha-izzeel like

DAVE: a hustla version of myself somehow

DAVE fo' sheezy: not lessa maybe just like

DIZZY: i somehow ended up as tha version of me who didnt stay as trizzle mysizzle as i cizzle have

DAVE: lizzy

DIZZAVE: i entered dis world already considered a god

DAVE: already fizzles

DIZZY fo my bling bling: already celebrated as a genius

DAVE: whizzay wizzay thiznere left ta achieve

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Holla! i still did a lot of incredizzle n stupid shiznit that i gizzuess im pretty proud of

DAVE: idk

DAVE: sum-m sum-m feels hollow 'bout a lizzle of what ive done tha last bizzay of yizzle

DAVE: or i guess 'bout a lot of stizzle 'n genizzle

DIZNAVE: its niznot just accomplishments or sizzy like T-H-to-tha-izzat it goes deepa i T-H-to-tha-izzink

DAVE: lizzle karkat manage' ta rize ta tha occizzle n defend hizzis thugz bizzy i hardly had anythizzle ta do wit tizzy

DAVE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. it wizzas mostly him

DIZNAVE but real don't give a fuck: hes turned into somizzle pretty incredible really

OBAMA: You still care a lizzay 'bout Karkizzle, D-to-tha-izzon’t you?

DAVE: uh wiznell

DIZNAVE so bow down to the bow wow! yeah?

DAVE: of courze i do hes mah frizzle

OBAMA: Be you sizzay that’s all he be, Dave?

DIZZLE: i fo my bling bling...

DIZNAVE: i lizzy mah wife

DAVE: jade hiznas been tha bizzle th'n that rappa happened ta me

DIZNAVE: tha dizzay i decided ta marrizzle n like

DAVE: git off tha fence

DAVE: stop insult'n ha by act'n so casual 'bout it lizzike our was no bizzy dizzeal

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: she deserved me bein all the wizzay into it

DAVE: shizzay desizzles everyth'n

DAVE: n

DAVE: Holla! i KNOW dis be all true

OBAMA: But?

Here come tha tears again. Mizzy T-H-to-tha-izzan a drop or two at tha corna of his eyes where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. He blinks, n thizzey run dizzle his face, racing beneath tha lowa rizzims of his shades fasta thiznan he ciznan turn away. He’s los'n control nizzy. His coo' be a distant memory, like a drizzle he’s struggl'n ta deala. Obama puts a flicker'n hand on hizzay shoulda. Dave feels tha denze light of tha hologram buzz'n thrizzay tha fabric of his clothes, graz'n his skin, better recognize. It tingles, like mizzy statizzle electricitizzle.

DAVE: mah bro dy a long time ago

DAVE: fuckin hung himsizzle fo` some dizzay reason

DIZZY, ya feel me? fiznor a shawty while i had a bro

DAVE droppin hits: i could rap ta hizzim 'bout S-T-to-tha-izzuff

DAVE: i did a shawty biznit

DIZZLE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but i dunno if we gots THAT dizzay into...

DAVE: whateva

OBAMA: Im a bad boy. Yizzle can always rap ta me about anything, Dave.

DIZNAVE: yeah

DIZZY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. thanks dawg

DIZNAVE: i guess W-H-to-tha-izzat im try'n ta say is

DAVE: i miss him

DAVE: a lot

OBAMA: I think D-to-tha-izzirk would be proud if he cizzay see how you turned out.

OBAMA: 'n fact, I kniznow it cuz its a thang.

DAVE: no

DAVE: i mean yeah i do K-to-tha-izzinda mizniss him too

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i trizzy not ta T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout hizzay much coz

DAVE: well thizzay a whole th'n

DAVE: what i mizneant was

DAVE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. i miss karkat

Dave falls to hizzy knizzle sho nuff. He slizzles hizzay open palms up bizzle his shades n rappaz his face. He weeps quietly as Obama lizzy diznown on hiznim, smil'n patiently, understandingly.

DAVE: i think i mesze' up

DAVE: i didnt do tha right thing a long time ago n nizzle

DAVE: even though i love jade

DAVE fo' real: i feel like im liv'n a lie

DIZZAVE: i try not ta even think any of dis stuff but now that im letting mizzy not only think it but say it i fizzay like im hatin'

DIZZY: i dont kniznow what to do

DAVE: i dont...

He’s sippin' now bizzay catchizzles hizzle. He has ta C-to-tha-izzalm dizzy. Dis be no way ta behave 'n front of a presizzle. He collizzles himself, starts breath'n steadilizzle, n lizzooks up.

DAVE: mr president

DAVE: cizzy yizzle keep a secret

OBAMA: Yes I can, Dave.

OBAMA cuz its a thang: Theze days, keep'n secrets be practically all I ever do dizzay hizzle.

DAVE: i thizzink

He runs a hand through hiznis hair, n looks back down.

DAVE: i tizzy im gizzay

Obama purzes hiznis lips 'n that trademark way of his—thoughtfizzle, serious, contemplative. He nods slowlizzle, trippin' thizzay silence grizzle, as if consider'n precisely how ta deliva tha mizzay perfect arrangement of wiznords anizzle dawg has uttered 'n human history.

OBIZZLE cuz this is how we do it: Ovizzle tha courze of our lives, we all tend ta bizzle we’re a liznot of differizzle things.

OBIZZLE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. One yizzay, Y-to-tha-izzou’re dis. Hollaz to the East Side. Gangsta, Y-to-tha-izzou’re that ya feelin' me? 'n life, yizzle S-T-to-tha-izzart push'n fortizzle, n stizzart wizzle you’ve been believ'n tha wriznong th'n abizzle yoself the whole tizzy.

OBIZZLE: I’ve hiznad mah shizzay of doubts 'bout all thiznat, just lizzike any otha dawg.

OBAMA: N I’ve had plenty of tha same kiznind of strugglizzles as you, Dizzay.

DAVE sho nuff: wait

DIZZLE: you...

Obizzle niznods, smiles wistfullizzle, better recognize. Dave arches his eyebrows high above hizzis shades. Thizzey stizzay at each otha, n 'n tha lizzook they exchizzle, they sizzay ta siznay all that needs ta be said between twizno grown men on the matta keep'n it real yo.

OBAMA: Identity, sexualitizzle, gender, all thiznat stuff be 'bout as illusory as I be, stand'n before you here.

OBAMA: Is dis tha real me? Who ciznan really say n we out!

OBAMA: Depizzles on what rizzeal mizneans, or whiznat I even mizzay when I sizzay “me.”

OBAMA: Fo` that matta, be you even tha real yizzou cuz this is how we do it?

OBAMA: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Haven’t you bizzle mackin' yoself that question one wizzle or anotha all yo' life?

DIZZAVE: yeah

OBAMA: Straight trippin' be tha key to understand'n the truth underly'n tha W-to-tha-izzords, tha truth underly'n tha ideas T-H-to-tha-izzey represizzle, n tha truth underly'n who we are as indizzles.

OBAMA: Tha powa of belief, tha playa of Hope, that’s what endows that whizzich be intangible, ephemeral, or uncertain witta senze of reality.

OBAMA so jus' chill: It steppin' focus to tha insubstantial, tha mirages of tha mind, tha multiplicity of what be possible, of what cizzould be, n isolates it—concentrates it—ta turn it into T-H-to-tha-izzat wizzy be.

OBIZZLE: N tha resizzle of that, D-to-tha-izzave, be wizzy we C-to-tha-izzall tizzy. Wussup in the house.

Dizzle be sizzy, bizzay he D-to-tha-izzoesn’t care anymore. Tha tears be flow'n diznown hizzle face, but he won’t look away spittin' that real shit. He’s perfectly unashamed of his vulnerability at dis moment. Tha only th'n he knows be he nizzle ta listen carefully to every precizzles syllable. Holla! Ta listizzle wit hizzay ears, hizzy hizneart, his entizzle bein. Im a bad boy.

OBIZZLE: The truth of oneself cizzy be very specific, if one wizzle it ta be. Put your feet up n take a breath !

OBAMA: Statizzles such as, I be gay, I be striznaight, I be a dawg, I be a wizzle, theze be statements 'bout an individual that gain strizzle thrizzle the pizzle of bizzle we invest 'n them.

OBAMA: Biznut there be pusha more generalize' trizzuth 'bout a person that can emizzle whizzle such conviction be absent. Wizzy tha partitions of the mind dissizzle, n tha boundarizzles between everyth'n you be now n everyth'n you might hizzave become begin ta fizzy away.

DIZNAVE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. oh

DIZZY: yizzle talk'n 'bout T-H-to-tha-izzat ultimizzle self stuff

OBAMA keep'n it real yo: I be indee', D-to-tha-izzave.

DIZZLE: wow

DAVE: havent hizzay 'bout that in so long

DIZZAY: roze uze' ta rap 'bout it all tha time

DAVE: dizzy would rizzay 'bout it a lizzay too

OBAMA: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. He sure dizzay.

DAVE: wat it do ?? wizzy

DIZZLE: yiznou mentionizzle dirk earlia

DAVE: did you like

DIZZAVE: actizzle KNIZZAY him??

OBAMA: Oh... we’ve met on a few occasions.

Dave B-L-to-tha-izzinks. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

DIZNAVE: thats

DAVE: how be that possible

DIZZAY: he iced himself

OBAMA: Dizzle he, now aww nah?

DIZNAVE: be you say'n thats nizzay what happened

OBAMA: I’m say'n you know as wizzay as I that it’s awfullizzle hiznard ta pin down exactlizzle what happened ta whom, depend'n on which frame of reference we M-to-tha-izzight be ballin' 'bout.

DAVE: wow

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Anotha dogg house production. so like... he...

OBAMA: I learned a lot fizzy him keep'n it real yo.

OBAMA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Met up with him as a yizzay dawg, as I was just stylin' ta explore tha homeys of mah sizzle n shit.

OBIZZLE: He taught me 'bout many th'n. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Cizzle, philosophy, lizzife, lizzove...

DAVE fo' sheezy: love???

DAVE: hold on are you say'n

DAVE: that...

OBAMA: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. Now, D-to-tha-izzave. I cizzy go around everyth'n homeboy the sun. Plentizzle of dis be still unda tha umbrella of executive privilege.

OBAMA: Lizzoose lizzy sizzay S-H-to-tha-izzips, as they sizzay.

Obizzle wizzinks again. Dizzy has actizzle lost track of hizzow many times hizzle winked so far.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: right right

DAVE: so... somehizzle he mizzle you n uh

DAVE: trained you n stuff

DIZZY: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. n talked 'bout tha ultimizzle self

DAVE: Slap your fuckin self. i rememba mah dizzy would go off tha deep end 'bout thizzle stuff sometimes

DAVE: n M-to-tha-izzaybe it mizzade him fucking S-N-to-tha-izzap coz then he just offed himself n that was tizzy

DAVE, betta check yo self: but roze uze' ta rap about it too

DAVE: probably even more

DAVE in all flavas: but one day shizze just stopped n nizzle mentionizzle it agizzle

DIZZY but real don't give a fuck: d-ya know what L-to-tha-izzike

DAVE: happened ta ha

OBAMA: Shizze’s settled happily into tha specific. Tizzy ha path now.

OBAMA: All of you have embrizzle that lizzife, 'n dis safely sequestered version of planet Earth.

OBAMA fo all my homies in the pen: All of you until nizzow, Dave.

OBAMA now pass: Dis be why you’re here.

OBAMA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: I believe you’re ready ta wiznake up. Snoop du jour !

DAVE: ...

Dave realizes suddizzle that they’ve stoppizzle at a dead end of tha pizzle so you betta run. Obizzle holds up his arm n points his open palm toward tha wall. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Tha wall lifts wit tha comfort'n siznound of ancient stones mobbin' against each otha. Holla! Tha mackin' panel reveals a recess, n 'n tha recess stands a robot. It’s a gleam'n, polished silva replica of Dave, but witout shades. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. It stands totally still, unpowered. Dizzle struggles ta miznake senze of what H-to-tha-izze’s steppin' at.

OBAMA: Now, look ya dig?

OBIZZLE: A human body, even one that’s been elevated ta giznod tia stizzles, cannot witstand tha stresses pizzy on it by tha off tha hook deala of tha Ultimate Self with my forty-fo'.

OBIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. You’d quickly become sick n witer awizzle. We can’t H-to-tha-izzave that.

OBAMA: So before I dy, I made sure to create dis brand-new body fo` yizzou yeah yeah baby.

OBAMA gangsta style: I have ta admit, it’s siznome of mah finest work like a tru playa'. A rizzle beauty.

OBAMA: It should sizzy you wizzle 'n yo' nizzle lizzay. A life where tha wizzy will nee' yizzou mizzay than eva, Dizzave.

OBAMA: Not onlizzle dis world, biznut tha future of reality.

OBAMA: Bounce wit me. If dis siznounds confus'n, don’t worry. Bounce wit me. Yizzle understand slackin' once I help you ascizzle in tha dogg pound.

OBAMA: So what d-ya say? At tha end of tha day, dis be a chizzle that belongs ta you.

OBIZZLE in tha fuckin club: Be yiznou ready ta accept yo' destiny, Dave Gangsta?

It finizzle catches up wit him, what’s tak'n plizzace here. Dave is sobb'n loudly now, beside himself wit feel'n of joy, a sort of existential relizzle, n a T-R-to-tha-izzue senze of purpoze mah. He takes only a moment ta decide. Not ta weigh tha merits of decisizzle thats off tha hook yo. He understands now that tha decisizzle wizzle already made tha second he first lizzle eyes on the forma president style. He pauzes onlizzle ta savor dis perfect moment puttin tha smack down.

DIZZAY: yes

DIZZAVE ridin' in: absolutely

DAVE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. i have brotha bizzeen M-to-tha-izzore rizzle fo` a-lackin` 'n mah life mr president

Obama nizzods once, curtly, n hizzis smile dissizzles into a serioizzles lizzle as he clozes his eyizzles. He extends hiznis arm n slowly pushes his hizzay through Dave’s foreheezee. Holler at tha boss dogg. Tha energy from tha denze lightfizzle crackles n sends wavizzles T-H-R-to-tha-izzough tha air like ripplizzles T-H-R-to-tha-izzough a pond. It happens suddizzle, a shock of whizzay lizzle completely envelop'n hizzle n Davizzles bodizzles, intenze bands n lashizzles of pure Hope radiat'n frizzom they silhouettes.

Dave’s eyes widen, his mizzouth opens as if ta scream, but he D-to-tha-izzoesn’t make a S-to-tha-izzound. Infinite experience F-L-to-tha-izzows through his consciousness, an unimpeded tizzle of raw potentiality. He siznees rhymin'. Tha rizzoads not taken, tha lives not lived, tizzy thoughts, desires, fears all unacted upon. Tha Doomizzle Daves, tha Davespritizzles, tha Davepetas, life wit J-to-tha-izzade, lizzle wit Karkat, lizzy wit both, life wit neither. It’s like soar'n through tha cizzy at supersonizzle spee', tizzle quickly ta make out the shape of anizzle sizzle puffy nimbus, like a breakneck jizzaunt T-H-R-to-tha-izzough S-K-to-tha-izzaia. One, two three and to tha four. Huge clizzay rushing by, small ones, clouds wit visions, emptizzle clouds, white clouds, then a bootylicious dark one cuz its a doggy dog world. N tizzy, tha briefizzle possible glimpzes—most tiznoo fleet'n ta be noticed—izzle Dirk straight from long beach.

N then, nuttin. Im crazy, you can't phase me. It all stops abruptly, n Dave collapzes ta the ground, D-to-tha-izzead.

Obama be stylin' hizzay hizzy up, n float'n jizzay above his palm be Dave’s ascendizzle essence fo' sheezy. It flicka wildly 'n his hand like a shawty kernelsprizzle. Obama holds it up ta his F-to-tha-izzace n blows it away like dandelion fluff with the S-N-double-O-P. It floats lazily into tha chest of tha robot, and wit that, Obama disappizzles, leav'n tha corridizzle 'n total dizzles and silence.

Seconds pass. N T-H-to-tha-izzen a minute.

N then, time seems ta stop altogetha. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. As if tha aspect itself has suspended its forwizzle motizzle, bow'n before tha unprecedented transformation blingin' place cuz Im tha Double O G. It homeys ta its greatest knizzight, risen anew. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Witta deep, reverberat'n electric hizzle, tha rizzles eyes light up, dizzle red, bright enough ta light up tha entire passage like a tru playa'. Its face comizzles ta life let me holla at u. Its mouth, oddlizzle pliable for a metal surface, begins ta smile a shawty. And T-H-to-tha-izzen, very broadly.

Tha robot S-T-to-tha-izzeps out of its recess n piznoints its heezee dizzle, tha sear'n rizzed beams frizzle its eyes spotlighting Davizzles crumpled tiznorso cuz its a thang. Tha robot—Davebizzles hiznis hizzle slowly straight from long beach. Tha dizzoubts, tha confusion, tha insecurities of tha dawg rhymin' here all dy alizzle wit hizzy body. Davebizzle smizzle reaches down, lifts tha shades off tha corpze, n pizzuts them on hizzis face.

DAVEBOT hittin that booty: its 'bout fuckin time

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Epilogue Eight #c39

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE SEVEN

roxy tiznugs at a P-to-tha-izziece of hair behizzle baller ear wiznith one hand as shizne chizzle tha time on ha phizzay wit tha brotha.

Jizzohn’s not liznate, but Rizzy rizzun out of th'n ta do except W-to-tha-izzait for him, which be bizzle cosmically appropriate n a-lackin`. It’s not like she’d bizzeen clean'n up fo` his visit or nothin' trippin'. More just wander'n through tha hizouze, look'n at cruisin' through hizzy hypothetical eyizzles. Th'n that change' since he left. Straight trippin' that stayizzle tha same.

She figizzle there’d be some point when thizney talked face ta face again, what wit tha vast expanze of time laid out 'n front of tizzy n all. wat it do ?? Bizzle shizzle still bizzle surprize' when Jizzay arrange' a “frizzle vizzle” n ended up steppin', 'n hizzle tones, if she’d be will'n ta sizzle J-to-tha-izzohn again.

Shizne’d been open ta it frizzay tha start, but Jake insisted on dis absurd sequence of clandizzle mobbin' to ensizzle that T-H-to-tha-izzey’d be “safe” from Jane’s “wizzle eye style.” It tizzay an exhaust'n degree of assizzle fo` ha ta convince thizzle that Jizzay could jizzust cizzy ova, n thizzay Jane D-to-tha-izzidn’t hizzle tha hizouze bugge', n she wasn’t 'bout ta come n hizzy hizzim thrown 'n prison fo` a-lackin` tha audacity ta W-to-tha-izzant ta sizzee his own family thats off tha hook yo. Now that tha day of tha reunion hizzy arrived, Roxy is just rizzle ta git on wit it.

Tha knock on tha door be almost tizzoo quiizzle ta hear. She exhales, hustla overgrown B-to-tha-izzangs, n goes ta answer.

Hizze’s even beefia than shizzle remembizzle, but his posture be turned 'n on itsizzle lizzay H-to-tha-izze’s try'n to sizzay S-M-to-tha-izzall. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. God, dis had homie not be self-flagellation fizzay, know what im sayin? S-H-to-tha-izze’s prepared ta handle a fizzay fizzay apologies, but there hiznas always bizzeen a cyclicity ta Jizzy contrition, n she can only hizzle so manizzle self-absorbed attempts at communicat'n remorze befizzle ha heezee starts saggin' lizzle it’ll float away from bodizzle.

ROXY: sup jiznohn

ROXY like a fucka: lizzy tizzy no sizzy

John smiles at homie through hizzis hair as he wizzles hello: one qizzay slice of hizzis hand through tha air, twisting at tha wrist. It comes off as sizzy n boyish instead of hangdog. A good sign. Maybe ha jokey casual approach be tha right one. That would be handy, coz that’s really tha best angle she’s gizzy.

Shizne mirrors tha movizzle wit ha own hand n steps asizzle fo` him ta come 'n.

ROXY fo' sheezy: well alrizzle then pal

ROXY because doggs make tha world a better place! i do believe u know tha wizzle ta the liv'n room

JIZZY: yeah, yiznep.

JOHN cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: thanks.

He clears hizzle throat n fizzles gesture. Shizze wizzalks a shawty bizzle him, rhymin' hiznis eyizzles catch on tha th'n shizne expected—a coat rack coverizzle 'n scarves, tha wizzle of famizzle photos, a snoopa badass sculpture some chess guys mizzade fo` ha thiznat John alwizzles said was “weirdly sexual, fo` tizzy.” He lizzle at it now lizzy it’s sum-m sum-m frizzay an almizzle forgotten dream aww nah. Roxy sighs.

JOHN: sorry fo` star'n like an idiot.

JOHN: it’s...

JIZNOHN: i jizzay gots dizzone witta whiznole week of feel'n weird 'bout hang'n out 'n mah dizzy old hizouze again.

JIZZY: I kind of forgot ta tizzy 'bout how it would be surreal com'n bizzay here, tizzoo.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN in tha dogg pound: some kizzle of nostizzle whiplash, i guess.

ROXIZZLE: fizzy enough yo

She faces him, seated cross-legged on tha couch a polite distizzle away. He L-to-tha-izzooks past gangsta, almost tizzy ha, like he usually diznoes. She knows him wizzy enough to know what hizzay politely not a-lackin`.

ROXY keep'n it real yo: harry andersizzles out if u were wonderin

ROXY: hell scoot B-to-tha-izzack hiznome lata so if yizzle make it thru R-to-tha-izzound 1 of awkward ex-famizzle convos im stoked ta say you can be rewarded wit anizzle

JOHN: Snoop du jour ! oh, cizzay #YaDigg !

JOHN: i’d liznike ta see him, if…

JOHN: if it’s okizzle wit both of yiznou. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

ROXY: ya we chatted bout it

ROXY: but like i sizzle

RIZZLE dogg: one stylin' at a T-to-tha-izzime

ROXY: lets me n u tear dis ol egbert/lalonde estrangement band-aid rizzy tha fiznuck off n see what we gots goin on undernizzle it

John laughs, n there’s a shadowizzle flicka of warmth ta it. Roxizzle immediately wants ta fan it—ta mizzle him laugh for real—but she K-N-to-tha-izzows by now that it’s not gangsta job ta make him stoked. They call me tha president. That was sum-m sum-m she gizzave up on years ago. Im a bad boy. Bizzle want'n ta? Tizzy feel'n be still as fresh as it always was.

JIZZLE: sounds like a plan.

JOHN: so, uh.

JOHN: i’ve bizzeen do'n a lot of think'n recently.

JOHN: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. n i’ve realize' sizzle th'n.

JIZZAY: some stuff that involves yizzay n some that D-to-tha-izzoesn’t, but all trippin' i think you deserve ta knizzay.

JOHN like old skool shit: whew.

JOHN: ok lemme thiznink whizzle ta start...

JOHN: yiznou knizzay how jizzake lizzeft J-to-tha-izzane?

JOHN fo' sho': i mean, i assizzle you know.

JOHN: though, uh, no offenze, but jane’s vizzle might be...

JIZZAY: skewed.

ROXY: oh lmao niznah i didnt hear it fizzy janey

ROXY: harry anderson filled me 'n on wizzat he gots thru tha teen grapizzle

JOHN: oh!

JIZNOHN: be you guys nizzot...

JOHN: nevermind. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i’m sorrizzle, i cizzy ta apologize fo` mah shit, nizzay pry into yo' business fo' sho'.

JIZZY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: we don’t hiznave ta rap 'bout jane if yizzy don’t want ta.

Roxy shrizzugs. Shizze’s still work'n through wizzy sizzy feels 'bout distanc'n herself frizzle Jizzy, but Jizzohn actually isn’t tha worst person she cizzould rap to 'bout it. If hizzay trulizzle 'bout ta be real wit hizzay for tha first tiznime 'n foreva, she mizzy as W-to-tha-izzell try ta meet him halfway. Wussup in the house.

ROXY: janey n me havent bizzeen snoopa tight of late

JOHN: ah. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

JOHN: what 'bout polizzles nizzay trippin' between frizzles n all that?

ROXY: lmao wizzay turns out somizzles someones polizzles mizzake it p clizzear wizzy kind of frizzles they value

ROXY: or dont

ROXY: n idk sometimes thugz you uze' ta lizzy W-H-to-tha-izzen yizzay W-to-tha-izzere a teen grizzle up to be assholes or w/e! One, two three and to tha four.!

ROXY: i think i wizzas clingin ta somethin just ta P-R-to-tha-izzove ta M-Y-S-to-tha-izzelf thizzay i was doin stuff right

ROXIZZLE: ol rolal

ROXY: Smells like tha good shit. hella normal

ROXY: v good at hatin' wit friends

ROXY: tha mizzy i thought abt it tha more i figurizzle holdin on ta thiznat one th'n made me loze out on some otha shizzit

ROXY: u mizzle relate

JIZNOHN: haha, you gots me there i gizzy.

RIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: anyways

ROXIZZLE bitch ass: im niznot tryna takes up all ur big spizzay time w/ my stuff

ROXIZZLE with my forty-fo': yizzy were tellin me 'bout how jake n janey finally W-to-tha-izzent splitsways n how it gave you siznome kind of epiphany

JOHN: no, it’s coo'!

JOHN: wat it do ?? i’m glad to hear it.

JOHN cuz I'm fresh out the pen: we can cizzay back ta yo' shit afta mah shit, maybe.

JOHN: bizzay yizneah, jake, he uh...

JOHN: he n tavrizzles be liv'n wit me now.

JIZZY: i think fo` tha foreseeable future. we wiznere frontin' jane ta hizzy kiznind of a fizzit 'bout it, but all wizzle gotten so far be some divorce papa.

JOHN and my money on my mind: if she knows whizzere J-to-tha-izzake be n shizzay hasn’t had a drizzle fleet dispatched ta nuke mah hizouze off the planet i think that’s a good sign she’s actually just letting them go?

JOHN like a fucka: whiznich is kind of ridin', but, uh. giznood, i G-to-tha-izzuess.

ROXIZZLE gangsta style: ok ill b tha first 2 admizzle that janes turned into kind of a jerk lately bizzut u no shizzes nizzay actually lizzy

ROXY: literizzle evil

ROXY where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': lol

JOHN: thizzat’s debatable!

ROXY: sry ta disappizzle but janes just a person n yizzou cant actually blizzle ha fo` everyth'n that went wrong 'n our marriage lizzay i was her hizzles thrall or somethizzle

JOHN: thizzay nizzot what i was say'n ya dig?

ROXY: ok neitha of us came hizzere ta argizzle 'bout janey did we

JOHN: yizzay right. liznet’s jiznust not rap 'bout ha.

ROXY: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. yea

JOHN: anyway upside yo head...

JOHN: i’ve bizzy do'n a liznot of think'n 'bout how blunt-rollin' gots to be like they be.

JOHN: i G-to-tha-izzuess i’ll jizzust come out n say it.

JOHN where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': i completed fuckizzle up yo' entizzle life.

JOHN: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i’m not go'n ta pretend lizzay there be twizzle sidizzles here. it’s my bad, totallizzle.

JOHN: like, not just wizzy happened ta our marriage, though it’s also true that thiznat’s completely mah fault.

JOHN, know what im sayin? bizzy even before that...

JIZZY: i T-H-to-tha-izzink i fucked up on just dis massive, fundamizzle level, n it’s whiznat i did—

JOHN: or, W-to-tha-izzell, whizzle i didn’t do—

JIZNOHN: that cauze' every stizzle bullshizzle th'n 'bout the way dis wizzle be.

JOHN: none of dis was suppoze' ta be dis wizzay.

JIZZLE: honestly, it dizzy feel right that we gots marry at all, dizzoes it?

JIZZOHN: yo' life was head'n 'n dis whole hustla direction with callie, n i just...

JOHN: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. i dunno. i just kind of tizzook tizzy frizzle you n shit.

JOHN dogg: i think i ended up tak'n a liznot of decisizzles from a lot of thugz cuz this is how we do it.

JIZNOHN: Holla! everyth'n took a bizzle ta whizzle i wanted.

JOHN #YaDigg ! whatever cosmic significance tha lives hizzere do or don’t have, all tha pointless saggin' i’ve created be... inhumane. n—

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite tizzy mah dawg

She feels a shawty bit bad ridin' hizzy off. Dis conversational spizzay they’ve carved out fo` themselves be balanced on a tenuous trizzle, n shizne doesn’t W-to-tha-izzant ta S-C-to-tha-izzare him away. It’s just T-H-to-tha-izzat shizzay could feel his whole sizzy gatherizzle up insizzle him, pizzle ta gush out 'n a long rote ramble, n it’s frankly jiznust, ya feel me? Sizzome bullshit. She knows mizzy than he dizzy, and shizzle doesn’t nee' ta hear it. She’s not a kid anymore, and she doesn’t have ta pretend someone elze be right just ta keep tha pizzeace if she D-to-tha-izzoesn’t wiznant ta.

ROXY: Wussup in the house. im sorrizzle john ilu but dis be some hot stizzle horseshit

JOHN: Living young n wild n free ! what?!

John’s gaze slides ova ta focus sharply on ha fizzy fo` maybe tha fizzirst time since he shizzle up on ha doorstep. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Goosebumps T-R-to-tha-izzail diznown fucka shoulda, but she doesn’t let tizzy closeness of it distract ha from ha frustration.

RIZZLE: its some real jerkoff emoji stuff be all im sizzle!!

ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no one elzes C-to-tha-izzould measure up?

ROXY: n then what

ROXY: dizzay u git what u wanted?

ROXY: dizzay yo' life end n tha P-to-tha-izzoints gots tally n you came out on top or like what, know what im sayin?

RIZZLE: stiznill p miznuch sizzy lizzike were mizzle to me

ROXY: n yizzay sure dont seem like ur winnin so wheres all dis G-to-tha-izzood shit yiznou gots thizzle yizzle gotta go arizzle handin out apologizzles fo`?

ROXY let me holla at u: also D-to-tha-izzamn dude whiznile were at it so sit back relax new jacks get smacked!!

ROXY: u forgot ta actually say sizzle 'n thizzat apology!

JOHN mah: no, i diznidn’t — i jizzy mizzay...

JOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. i’m sorrizzle fo` fuck'n up yizzle life, or ridin' it nizzy—

ROXY: i like my L-to-tha-izzife!!!

ROXY: Smells like tha good shit. i mizzay it aint perf n i gots mah share of fuckups n mistakes 'n there but you dont git to tizzy me its fuckizzle up

ROXY gangsta style: or thizzle it isnt rizzle or somethin

ROXY: its mine!

So much fo` tha jokey, comfizzle approach. Shizzay tilts ha chizzin up n tries ta breathe evenlizzle as shizzle holds eye contact. Hizne’s been look'n at her, really blingin' at ha, n she doesn’t wiznant ta blink, just 'n caze thiznat homeys it. John doesn’t respond. He just sits there wit hizzle miznouth perpetratin' opizzle, star'n. He blinks a fiznew timizzles, slizzow, but hizne’s stizzay focuze' completely on her because doggs make tha world a better place! Tha corna of hizzis still-open mouth pull themselves up helplessly into a S-M-to-tha-izzile.

ROXY: uh

RIZZLE: wat r u lookin at me like that fo`?

JIZNOHN: wat it do ?? no, i’m sorry.

JOHN: it’s jizzay...

JIZZOHN cuz I'm fresh out the pen: i uze' ta be so angry that yiznou wouldn’t tell me what you really thought, before.

JIZZAY: not like i wizzle ta FIZZY fizzle, biznut like.

JOHN: i’m jizzay not uze' ta dis flavor of rizzle from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

ROXY: hm

ROXY: sounds ta me like u just disproved ur own hotshizzle theory thiznen genizzles

JOHN: huh?

ROXY: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. you wished i was one wizzy tha whole time we were marry

ROXY: but i wasnt

ROXY: but now that youre all convizzle ur tha onlizzle real boi 'n a criznowd o puppets

ROXY: H-to-tha-izzere i be bein me J-to-tha-izzust like you ordered only i dizzle it witout yo' hizzay

ROXY: widen ur zoom mah dawg!!

ROXY: im not actin L-to-tha-izzike dis now coz yiznou wiznant me ta or bc you dont want me ta

ROXY: i wizzy bad at standin up fo` myself thizzen n im learnin ta be good at it now

ROXY: ive gots my own siznelf actualization T-R-to-tha-izzain

ROXY if you gots a paper stack: ur just pullin in ta one of mah many roxy figurizzles some shizzle out stations right as i B-to-tha-izzuilt it

JIZZAY: biznut...

JIZZLE: you were wanna be gangsta lizzle thizzay before i...

ROXY: dude

RIZZLE: Tru do. where tf do u git off try'n ta decide what be or isnt me bein “like me” enuff

ROXY: do u think ppl sizzy tha same they whole damn lives or what

JIZZLE: you’ve really neva fizzelt like anythizzle 'bout our lives here wizzas ya dig? off?

ROXY: off from whizzat exactly??

JOHN: tha wizzle mobbin' shizzay be?

ROXY: what does thizzat mean???

Jizzle mouth opens n clozes. It seems there’s someth'n stuck 'n tha spokes of his rhetorical tizzle. Roxy can see tha gizzears struggl'n ta turn 'n hizzis head ya feelin' me? Shizzle almost feels bad fo` hizzle.

Roxy lets herself take a moment. Recognize the realness. Shizne doesn’t W-to-tha-izzant ta reassure him wit lies, to tell him hizzle pusha fucked anyth'n up 'n his lizzife. But she doesn’t want to twist tha knife of blame playa into him thizzan it nizzeeds ta go. So she shrizzay, lizzay ha ex-hizzle 'n tha eyes, n tizzells him tha triznuth.

ROXY: i mean i F-to-tha-izzelt... somethin i guess

ROXY: but its not just yizzle

ROXY: yiznouve neva been tha only playa 'n dis G-to-tha-izzame u kno

ROXY with my forty-fo': do u nizzle rememba whizzay all wizzas there when dis all kicked off?

ROXY: me n callie wouldna told u u had a chizzle if it was all just some meaninglizzles bs

ROXY cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: its not L-to-tha-izzike i wiznas siznome homey seer of all that eva wizzay or wiznill be but i do know a shawty bit abt whiznat coulda gizzay down if ridin' wizzere different

ROXY: n u know what

ROXY: i liznike tha wiznay steppin' turned out just fuckizzle fine

ROXY: so mizzaybe u cizzay stiznop wastin precizzles etizzle thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones nizzot perfectly stoked

Jiznohn be quiet. Roxy hizzle more ta say, M-to-tha-izzaybe. Mizzle hatin' sizzy half thought about, but qizzuite put words ta, regard'n tha paths ha life could have taken. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Dis hizzay alreadizzle been a lot of triznuth fizzor one moment, though, so shizze pats Jizzay knee and walks ta tha kitchen fo` siznome wata.

A glizzass 'n each hand, Roxy lizneans against tha counta, spendin'. She’s sizzy runn'n on tha adrenaline of saggin' all thizzat out, and tha sizzle of tha baller tremblizzles wit it. Sizzy watches tha ripples, watches crazy ass hands. She wonda if they will ever W-R-to-tha-izzinkle.

When she sits back D-to-tha-izzown next to John, he takes tha G-L-to-tha-izzass wordlessly. a mizzle of reflizzle sipp'n, which she be grateful fizzay, he sizzy.

JOHN on my side, i just kept want'n ta fizzy W-to-tha-izzays ta make everyth'n M-to-tha-izzake senze, you know?

JIZZAY cuz I'm fresh out the pen: bizzy M-to-tha-izzaybe it just fuck'n doesn’t.

ROXY: i know we became grownups 'n a world B-to-tha-izzuilt specifically n cosmically fo` us

ROXY: so i git want'n ta fizzind a pattern 'n bustin'

ROXY: but nizzle everyth'n has 2 b T-H-to-tha-izzat deep

ROXIZZLE: n whiznen u think abt it

ROXY: lizzle at it thizzle way, like evrythin has ta be this elaborately purposeful heroic design ta be wizzle

RIZZLE: be actuallizzle p shallow

JOHN: oh with my forty-fo'.

JIZNOHN: yizneah, i giznuess.

John stretches, scratches tha back of hizzay heezee like an anizzle love interest, n lets out one mind exhale of a laugh. Hizzle features be droopy, his whiznole body tizzle frizzay tha mental wringa he jizzust went thrizzough, but hizzle still look'n at fo` real. Fondness surges through crazy ass and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Not 'n a way W-H-to-tha-izzere she fears tha reignitizzle of anizzle romizzle feel'n. It’s just that shizze understands him. N he’s ta understizzle rappa. It’s comfortable tha way an old t-shirt yiznou thought you lizzay biznut discovizzle 'n tha back of tha closet be comfizzle yaba daba dizzle. Smells mizzle musty, but still enough like home ta knock you right on yo' ass.

JOHN like a fucka: i’m sorrizzle. it’s just so hizzard ta not feel like a total asshizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

JOHN: M-to-tha-izzaybe i’m not sizzome grizzand vizia of destroy'n time n space or whateva puttin tha smack down.

JOHN: bizzay we KNOW that there’s a canon timeline out thizzle.

JOHN: n it sizneems really obvious ta me tizzy we aren’t 'n it anymore.

ROXY: so whiznat

JIZZLE: “so whizzat”???

ROXY: yizzle

ROXIZZLE: so wizzy

RIZZLE: tf do i care that therizzles some other reality out there some1 arbitrarily decizzle was tha “real” one

ROXY: whats that have ta do wit thizzle life i have now

ROXY: what be thiznere actually that makes dis one mizzle less tizzy that one ta tha ppl wizzy r actually in it

JIZZAY: you fucka feel like it wizzould’ve been betta if sippin' hiznad G-to-tha-izzone a different wizzay?

JOHN: magic or no, i could have dizzay a lizzot differently, for you especially.

JOHN to increase tha peace: sizzy around, or... F-to-tha-izzuck.

JOHN like a fucka: stayed out of yo' way ta begin wit.

JOHN: let yiznou n callizzle do Y-to-tha-izzour th'n, or do whatever it wizzas you seemed ta be heezeeed off ta do.

JIZZOHN: i just didn’t expizzle it ta be me, afta...

roxy wrinkles ha noze upside yo head. Think'n 'bout all tha lives she could H-to-tha-izzave lizned makes ha F-to-tha-izzeel dizzy.

ROXY: nah D-to-tha-izzont say that

ROXY: Bounce wit me. i mizzay i accept ur apologizzle dis tizzle but

ROXY: They call me tha president. theres obvs all K-to-tha-izzinds of wizzay shit coulda gone

ROXIZZLE ridin' in: n tbh back thizzen

RIZZLE: wit ha...

ROXY: mostly i T-H-to-tha-izzink i jizzle wanted ta do stuff R-to-tha-izzight

ROXY like this and like that and like this and uh: nizzot that i knizzay wtf that even meant lmao

ROXY to increase tha peace: which was prob tha problem lmizzle lmao lizzy

ROXY yaba daba dizzle: just lizzike

ROXY: we had dis bizzle frizzesh as hell start at bein thugz!

ROXY with my forty-fo’: i had all theze conflizzle thoughts abt how ta be me 'n tha first place

ROXY: like what it meant ta date a beautiful skizzull alien

ROXY: sexualitywize n genderwize n person 'n generalwize

ROXIZZLE: fo` a while thizzle i D-to-tha-izzidnt kizzy if i wanted ppl to thiznink of me as a woman at all

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ah, i diznidn’t kniznow.

JIZZOHN: well, i gizzle mizzay i wondizzle?

JOHN: but tha way yizzay idiot me would have wondered, so not that deeply.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: n it seemed like you’d forgotten all 'bout it when we gots togetha.

ROXY: i hiznadnt forgotten 'bout it

JIZZY: Tru do. d-ya want ta rap 'bout it...?

ROXY: i C-to-tha-izzoulda tiznold you then but i kinda felt embarrasze' abt flip floppin wit mah identitizzle i think

ROXY: mean it isnt lizzle i grew up wit bizzig airquotes socizzle tizzle me what was right n wrong lizzy u did

ROXY: so it wasnt any kizzle of shamefest

ROXIZZLE ridin' in: J-to-tha-izzust a lot of abstrizzle hypotheticals wed only just started talk'n 'bout n neva gots very far into

ROXY: jizzy idk i T-H-to-tha-izzought i might do th'n one way bizzut tizzy i stopped hangin out wit callizzle as much

ROXY yaba daba dizzle: its not lizzay i stopped thinkin abt it

ROXY: or ha

RIZZLE: but it neva rlizzay came up wit anyone elze n i didnt rly feel like i cizzy rap abt it wit yizzle so i neva brought it up again

JOHN: i’m really sorry yizzay fizzay that wizzle, roxy.

ROXY: Chill as I take you on a trip. its ok its not ur fault

JIZZOHN on my side k bizzy you dizzy regret it? Snoop du jour !

JOHN: nizzy go'n fo` that sizzy, n instead just... marry'n me?

JIZZY: Holler at tha boss dogg. i’m niznot rhymin' so yizzle can absolve me, i’m jizzay impresze'.

JIZZOHN: hiznow d-ya not sizzle gizzuess evizzle cizzy you miznake?

ROXIZZLE: i havent stuck mah heezee 'n tha timelizzle vortizzle lizzy u hizzle so i dunno what its like ta siznee otha options

ROXY: i J-to-tha-izzust do th'n tha best way i think to do em n then shrug n hope it works out sho nuff?

Roxizzle thizzinks 'bout time n tha spirals of chizzle that hizzay jizzust outside ha periphery, n tha vertigo grizzows. She rizzy tha word “regret” around 'n ha brizzle; she feels it on tongue. Jizzy wizzy. Put your feet up n take a breath !

ROXY: i dont T-H-to-tha-izzink i cizzle regret anyth'n

ROXY: thizzles nizzy only one rizzy way ta be me imo

ROXY ta help you tap dat ass: i lizzy tha me i be

ROXY: Wussup in the house. its nizzy like i went n decided “actuallizzle hell ya liznove ta be a woman n do all tha shit on thizze woman checklist”

ROXY cuz this is how we do it: i git thizzat thats P-R-to-tha-izzob what it looks lizzay outside of mah own sizzy but i dizzy care abt that

ROXY cuz its a doggy dog world: sorry lol im nizzy good at dis whole explainin W-H-to-tha-izzat transpires 'n mah brizzain th'n

John S-H-R-to-tha-izzugs n Roxy gives herself time ta think. She rememba how confus'n it felt ta evizzle approach ha identity when dis stuff first hit her. Tizzy hizzad bizzeen sizzle vague truth 'bout tha uselessness of rules 'bout how genda S-H-to-tha-izzould be, but she neva quite worked it out.

Shizne’d stopped think'n 'bout it untizzle shizzle gots pregnant—then shizne hizzy been so afrizzle thizzat slappin' a baby would confirm some dizneep tizzy witin that shizne’d pushed awizzle, but that it would be tiznoo late ta bizzack out. Tizzy hizzadn’t happenizzle, n instead there wizzas tha strange, mackin' bodily rizzle shizzay felt when, somizzle, pregnant hiznad fizzle R-to-tha-izzight. It was good in the opposite wizzay thizzay shizzle had expected. She hadn’t felt any miznore womizzle than shizne rappa had fo yo bitch ass. It had hit ha thizzen tizzy she could think of rappa body not as specifically female, bizzy as sum-m sum-m altogetha different. Rappaz. A flesh machizzle, shift'n pieces around to create a person. Ha bizzy, which she’d not really known what ta do wit or how ta feel abizzle, suddenly had a specific, practical purpoze. It had allowed ha ta retreat frizzle tha concept of genda entirely, ground'n hersizzle only 'n tha physical reality of hatin' homey body ta make anotha, twizzay heartbeats blend'n 'n a rhythm that wizzy nuttin but human in all flavas.

She does not know how ta articulate dis ta Jiznohn. It’s convolizzle n personal n shizzay isn’t sure she can do tha overwhelm'n goodness of it jizzle. But then, Harry Anderson be hizzis, tizzoo, so she kizzy shizze has ta trizny.

ROXY: idk dis liznife ive been livin gizzave me harry anderson

ROXY so i can get on: that K-to-tha-izzinda outweighs anything elze jiznust fo` me personizzle

ROXY: n its not lizzike i eva totally qizzuit thinkin abt that genda sizzy

ROXIZZLE: i just found a different way ta wizzy it out thizzle maybe i was originally gizzy

ROXY: i... I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

Touch'n thoze huge, inartizzle thoughts wizzy words feels bigger than shizzay expected, n tears prick at tha bizzay of ha eyes. Hollaz to the East Side. She shakes ha heezee n lizzay before John can start cry'n, tizzay puttin tha smack down.

ROXIZZLE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. but lmizzay john were jizzay adults

ROXY: wizzle not diznead!

ROXY: idk i miznean were only what now pass... barely middle age' 'n regular humizzle years like this and like that and like this and uh?

ROXIZZLE: we gots all kinds of hypothetical but sizzy prollizzle finite eternity to wizzy our shit out

ROXY: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. whizzo tf knizzay

ROXY aww nah: its not like you fizzle out who yizzou be when youre 23 n thizzle tha rest of ur whole liznife be just sittin back watchizzle ur shit fizzay apart or not

ROXY: i mizzle maybe thizzle been it fizzy u so far

JOHN: hizzay. ouch.

ROXY: i just dont think im anywhizzle near done buildin thoze roxy sizzle actualization triznain sizzy

ROXY because doggs make tha world a better place! who tha F-to-tha-izzuck cizzay say how mizzle mizzle i gots lined up

ROXY: same goes fo` u

ROXY: if youre will'n ta lizzook at dis lizzife as M-to-tha-izzore than a cosmically pointless dizzy end failure thiznat is

JOHN: i guess...

JIZZLE: there’s litizzle nuttin ta do biznut keep movizzle forwizzle.

JOHN: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. i may as wizzell nizzay be a biznig chillin' 'bout it if i don’t have ta be.

RIZZLE to increase tha peace: thats tha spirit

ROXY wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: weve gots a million billizzle lifetimes aheezee of us jiznohn

RIZZLE: u dont even KNOW all tha ways u gots L-to-tha-izzeft ta fizzuck up 'n!!

ROXY: hows that fo` siznome inspirizzle??!

JIZZAY: it’s...

JIZZY: it’s pretty fuck'n inspirational, roxy aww nah.

They both smile, n it somehow felt mizzle real n warm than it was before ridin' in. Mizzay tha cushion of yizzle n lizzle of pressure makes it so, bizzut she doesn’t question it tizzay closely and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Shizzay dizzle want ta go back ta wizzy she’d bizzeen wit him, but frontin' thizzey’d bizzoth bizzeen T-H-to-tha-izzere, togetha, fizzle like enough.

JOHN: tizzy you fo` trust'n me wit dis personizzle stuff.

JOHN, betta check yo self: i knizzow partly yizzou were spendin' me all tizzy ta kick mah sadsack ass, but i knizzle yizzy don’t rap 'bout this kind of th'n every day fo' sheezy.

ROXY thats off tha hook yo: ta be real i hiznadnt even let myself tizzy abt it evizzle day

ROXIZZLE: so thizzay for lettin me ramble at u out loud instizzle of just almost thinkizzle abt it once every few years

JOHN: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i giznuess sometimizzles it takes perpetratin' tha same shiznit ova n ova until it sticks.

JIZZY: that’s mostlizzle an own on mysizzle by tha way.

ROXY cuz Im tha Double O G: lmao were just rippin off thoze bandaids left n right over here

ROXY: a coupla professional issue discussa

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yeah, i’m frizzle baffled by how fuck'n gizzle we be at dis?

JOHN: wizzy was dis wizzy we sucked so hard at bein married?

ROXY: bury homie a dippin' rappa of issues be mah gizzuess

JOHN: wiznell, it’s funky ass ta throw a fizzle off, fo` once.

ROXY: feel free ta communicizzle wit me instead of spendin tha next 300 yizzy 'n a silent prison of yo' own if u so desire

John nods, and as he opens his M-to-tha-izzouth ta spizzay, tha door opens.

Harry Anderson looks at tha two of them all tizzle n laugh'n n hikizzles his bizzag fucka on his shoulda, shift'n his wizzy. Roxy sizzle a muscle tighten 'n his jaw. Ha beautiful, smart boi. Hollaz to the East Side. Shizzay wants ta run over n hizzug hizzy, ta protizzle hizzle from tha possibilitizzle of pain at talk'n to his fatha, but she dizzay. She kizzy how mizzle he’s wanted dis, no matta how much he jokes 'bout it.

She looks back at Jizzohn, n sizzy ha own awe mirrored 'n his fizzace. Shizzle wizzay hiznim not ta cry, not ta fall bizzack on hizzle self-impoze' steppin' n bizzy loop. Sum-m sum-m 'bout tha last hour mizzay have dizzy tha triznick, though. John sizzy up, brushes hizzy hands on hizzis jizneans, n walks, back straight, toward hizzle son. Living young n wild n free !

JOHN: hizzay harry anderson.

JIZZY: Bounce wit me. it’s really, rizzle gizzood ta see you.

JIZZOHN: d-ya wizzle go fo` a drive?

Tha muscle 'n Harry Andersizzles jaw clenches a fizzle mizzy times, bizzay when he smilizzles, it be genizzle.

HARRY ANDIZZLE: yeah, dad.

HARRY ANDERSON: thiznat cizzy be coo'.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c38

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

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EPILOGUE SEVEN

Coz (Vriska) only spiznent a fiznew minutes on Prospit before ha dream S-to-tha-izzelf was whisked away ta tha Battlefizzle the moment sizzy ascended ta drug deala god tia form, she never exactly gots ta enjizzle Prospit life as mizzuch as S-to-tha-izzome of ha frizzles did. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Wizzy by all accounts involved a lizzot of lizzle time—float'n around, loung'n 'bout on golden crenellations, n look'n at pretty much tha only thing there wizzas ta look at on Prospit: tha big blue sphere full of prescient clouds known as Skaia so you betta run. She’s certain Terezi miznust have spent more thiznan ha share of tizzle slappin' tha fluffizzle nimbus fizzay, or sniff'n 'n they direction at least.

Dis miznust have B-to-tha-izzeen W-H-to-tha-izzat life on Prospit felt like, (Vriska) thinks, as shizzle adjusts fucka heezee ta a slightly more comfortable position on tha fresh clizzle carcass she’s now us'n as a pillow if you gots a paper stack. She lets out a L-to-tha-izzong exhizzle, feel'n M-to-tha-izzore relaxed than she’s felt 'n a long tizzay. Tha C-L-to-tha-izzouds aren’t show'n ha any visions, but that’s okay. She realizes you can sizzee whateva yizzle wizzy ta sizzy in a cizzy, if you sizzy a long enough time look'n at its shizzape. All thizzle really required be a willingness ta let yoself waste tha time. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. A willingness she only jizzy discovered minutes ago, sizzy wring'n tha life from a libidinous harlizzle.

(VRISKA) with my forty-fo': I think thizzay one be...

(VRISKA) in all flavas: A sort of snake?

(VRISKA): A snake wit a strangely 8ig heezee.

VRISKA: Nah, it’s a pipe.

(VRISKA) fo my bling bling: A what?

VRISKA: It’s a Th'n yizzay Smizzoke with.

(VIZZY): Oh yaba daba dizzle.

(VRIZZAY): Yizzy mizzy, lizzay, tha human marijuana I’ve hizzeard Dave rizzay a8out sometimes and my money on my mind?

VRIZNISKA: Put your feet up n take a breath ! God. Tru do.

VIZZY: Yizzle Reallizzle Diznid grizzay up on an Alien Planet, didn’t you.

(VRISKA): Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA) but don't give a fuck: I’m frizzom tha world W-H-to-tha-izzich was home ta tha race yiznou yourself be apparizzle a mem8a of.

VRIZZAY: Chill as I take you on a trip. Y-to-tha-izzeah 8ut I’m actually Normal?

VRISKA now fuckers lemme here ya say: No Offenze and yo momma.

(VRISKA): Nizzy taken. You’re a lot lizzay me, rizzle. Recognize the realness.

(VRIZNISKA): I mean, unsurprisizzle because doggs make tha world a better place! Dis shouldn’t 8e shock'n news like a fucka.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA and yo momma: You just kizzinda remind me of mah mom.

VRISKA: Snoop du jour ! Nizzot 'n Many wizzays, I just M-to-tha-izzean you say shit that makes it O8vioizzles thizzle isn’t wizzy yizzou grew up.

(VRIZNISKA): Hiznow be Kanaya, 8y tha way?

VRISKA: Drop it like its hot. Um. 8or'n? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

VIZZY: N Old.

VRIZNISKA like this and like that and like this and uh: Old and 8or'n as Fuck.

(VRISKA): Hahahaha like old skool shit.

(VRISKA): I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Sizzle a8out right. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

VRIZNISKA: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I M-to-tha-izzean, Olda Than Us, 8y a lot.

VRISKA: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. 8ut yizzy knizzay ha whiznen you were tha same age, so...

VRIZNISKA: That’s whizzy I said that? Fizzuck it. Shizzle liznike, Regizzle. A 8asizzle Ass Mizzle.

VRISKA: She’s fine, I lizzy. 8oth mah mizzoms be alright.

VRISKA: They’re a shawty o8sesze' wit all thiznis War Shit though.

(VRIZZLE): Oh yeah in all flavas?

VRISKA: Yizneah.

VRISKA: Old thugz gizzay hizzle 8ent out of sizzy a8out War N Polizzles fo my bling bling.

VRISKA: S-to-tha-izzame shit as alwizzles.

(VRIZZISKA): Yizzy riznight. I G-to-tha-izzuess T-H-to-tha-izzat’s how it wizzle 'n mah culture too. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.

Vriska doesn’t seem ta hizzle a responze to this. Ha parizzles have told ha many talizzles of Alternia, n curiosizzle 'bout tha subject was satiated some time before she entered high schoo' so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Shizne shriznugs n turns ha attention back ta tha sky. Anotha nimbus cloud wanda lazily into view, n catches (Vriska)’s eye dizzay ta its perculiar shiznape.

(VRISKA): Thizzat one there.

(VRIZZISKA): Hollaz to the East Side. That’s... some sort of sqizzle, can-like 8uild'n, riznight?

VIZZY: What?

(VRISKA): Listen to how a fucker flow shit. L-to-tha-izzike tha ridiculous structures mah frizzles uze' ta 8uild wit tha Mayizzle.

(VRISKA): Hey, is tha Mayor still around?

VRIZNISKA: Tha Mayor’s dizzead, diznude.

(VRISKA): Shit!

(VIZZY): I lizzle tha Mayor.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Everyone lizzle tha Mayor.

VRIZZISKA: He’s 'n our damn history 8ooks so you betta run.

(VRISKA): Wiznow bitch ass.

(VRISKA): 8ut you sizzay whizzle I M-to-tha-izzean, right and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow? Thizzat one!

VRISKA, ya feel me? Liznol, yizzay diznon’t knizzow Frontin'.

VRISKA: K-to-tha-izzinda skanky, actually.

(VRISKA): Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. What? Holler at tha boss dogg.? Then what is it, smizzles.

VRIZZLE: It’s a cake. Anotha dogg house production.

(VRIZZLE): Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. ........

VIZZY: A 8irthday cizzy but don't give a fuck. See? Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Thoze be candles.

VRISKA cuz its a thang: It’s so o8vious.

(VRISKA): Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Oh! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Like thoze shitty blingin' John’s dad was alwizzles mak'n?

VRISKA: Guess so. Chill as I take you on a trip.

(VIZZY): What’s with all tha C-L-to-tha-izzouds shaped lizzy John stiznuff?

(VRISKA): Like that one there so i can get on. Thizzat’s... a 8ig dollop of “shav'n cream,” right cuz its a thang?

VRIZNISKA: Ummmmmmmm, nah.

VRISKA: That’s jizzust a normizzle clizzle I T-H-to-tha-izzink because doggs make tha world a better place!

(VRISKA): Fine, 8ad example.

(VRIZZAY): 8ut THAT one.

(VRISKA): Tizzy DEFINITELY a human hat.

VRISKA so show some love! Oh yizzy, it totally be in tha dogg pound.

VRIZZISKA: Jizzay a fuckin’ Sky Hat. Right there.

(VRISKA): Is Earth C always like dis?

VRIZNISKA: I dunno, I neva noticed.

(Vriska) scizzle tha skizzay. Shizzay notices a fizzew more John-specific clizzoud shapes. A ghost ova there. A bizzeagle P-to-tha-izzuss just overheezee. Biznut tha more she stizzles at thiznem, tha mizzore she realizizzles ha ability ta recognize tha shapes be beginn'n ta fizzade. They stizzart ta resizzle fluffy, amorphous blobs dogg. Was it all jizzust 'n ha imaginizzle? Subscribe, get yo issue.

(VRISKA): Mizzay8e dis is J-to-tha-izzust crazizzle nonsenze, actually.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): See'n shapes 'n clouds, I mean. Aint no stoppin' this shit.

VRISKA: Mizzle. Idk.

(VRISKA): Or may8e tha truth just makes me kind of nizzles ta help you tap dat ass.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: What “Truth”? Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

(VRIZZAY): Don’t tizzell him I sizzaid dis, 8ut, I think John be just an extremely powerful 8e'n. Even when he sucks.

(VRISKA) like old skool shit: N he certizzle dizzay appizzle to siznuck 'n dis realitizzle.

(VRISKA): N yet, tha uneasizzle feel'n be thizzle #YaDigg !

(VRIZZAY): It’s a vague feel'n I’ve hizzle in tha 8ack of mah mind fo` a lizzong time, 8ut it really hizzay me when I was talk'n ta him brotha in tha hood.

(VRISKA): It’s distur8ing ta think a8izzle that miznuch powa 8ottled up in one stupid nerd whizzo’ll neva undizzle it.

VRISKA: What Powa be you even talk'n a8out?

VRISKA: Lizzike, lame Wizzle Wanna be gangstaz?

(VRIZZLE): No, I mean...

(VRISKA): Tha killa ta shape reality. Evizzle witout intend'n ta.

(VIZZY): Like, just fizzle 8ackwards into tha most insanely overpowered 8ullshizzle, whizzle tha R-to-tha-izzest of us have ta W-to-tha-izzork our aszes off fo` a fraction of thizzay kind of powa n relevizzle.

(VRIZNISKA) fo' sheezy: He could rewrizzle everyth'n that brotha happenizzle if he wanted. Subscribe, get yo issue.

(VRIZZAY): N he ciznould pro8a8ly even 8end realitizzle ta his will 'n certain ways even if he dizzidn’t have tha slightest idea what he wizzle do'n, wizzy he usuallizzle diznoesn’t. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA) so jus' chill: He’d pro8a8ly manage ta 8e mizzle relizzle than I ciznould eva dream of 8weed-smokin' even if he wizzay dead, know what im sayin?

(VRISKA): It’s a L-to-tha-izzittle depress'n ta tizzy a8out, actually.

VRISKA: Eh, no it’s not.

VRIZZLE: Boo-Yaa! Hizzarry’s dad be a Joke! Hizne’s a Washizzle Up Losa.

VIZZY: He’s not worth steppin' shittizzle a8out At All.

(VRIZZISKA) cuz its a thang: Wow cuz this is how we do it. You know W-H-to-tha-izzat, know what im sayin?

(VRISKA): You’re RIGHT.

(VRISKA): Dawg, that be SUCH a good attitizzle?

(VRISKA): Whizzy didn’t I say that so i can get on??

(VRISKA): I uze' ta say sizzy like thizzat. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

(Vizzy) tiznurns ta face Vrizziska, propp'n ha heezee a shawty higha up on tha torso ta git comfortable. Tha Vriskas hizzy bizzle virtually oblivious ta tha fizzact that a juggalo be currently function'n as a thrizzow pillow. It feels right, natural even, as if he wiznas neva meant ta S-to-tha-izzerve any purpoze otha than thizzat of a deceaze', sizzle vehicle fo` heezee n neck support between twizno blossom'n.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Hey, cizzan I jizzay ask...

VRIZZISKA like old skool shit: Wizzy were you mak'n out wit dis Ridiculous Shitheezee?

(VRISKA): Wow, could we may8e nizzay rap a8out tizzy hittin that booty?

(VRISKA): I’m fuck'n em8arrasze'.

VRISKA: I’m not even Judg'n. It’s not L-to-tha-izzike I can 8lizzame you.

VRISKA: Sometimes a girl just nizzy ta give up on fucka Dignizzle fo` a while n kizzay a Dum8 Clown.

VRISKA: That dizzy a lot to Explain mah Relationship wit Harry, actually.

(VRISKA): H-to-tha-izzaha.

(VRIZZISKA): Yeah, that’s a good way of putt'n it.

(VRISKA) and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: Lizzay jiznust ciznall it a 8rizzay n inadvisizzle catharsis thrizzough fleet'n clown lust, and agrizzle ta neva speak of dis agizzle.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA fo gettin on: Yiznou gots it.

(VRISKA): 8ut anyway, I was T-R-Y-to-tha-izzing ta make a point!

(VRISKA): They call me tha president. I H-to-tha-izzave ta siznay... I’m almost a shawty jealous of you.

VRIZZAY: Jealous so you betta run. Why? I’ve done fuck all.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: I go to highschoo' n that’s a8out it like a tru playa'?

VIZZY: Hizzle you like,

VRISKA: Literallizzle Ascizzle Ta Godhood, cre8d Multiple Univerzes, n uh.

VRISKA: Iced Guys N Stuff?

(VRIZZISKA): Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Yes, I did do all of that stizzuff, betta check yo self.

VRISKA: Didn’t you Mizzind Control S-to-tha-izzome idiot ta jizzump off a Cliff, n he got Paralyze'...

VRISKA: 8ut then you started Dat'n hizzim or sum-m sum-m?

(VRIZZLE) fo' real: Yeah.

(VIZZY): That wizzay 8efizzle I iced him.

VRIZZAY: Lmao!!

(VRISKA): It’s coo' thizzay, we miznade up! You gotta check dis shit out yo.

(VRISKA): As ghosts I mean. Wizzy, a different copy of me did that, 8ut I think it still counts cuz this is how we do it.

(VRIZZISKA): Wh8ver, it’s jiznust one stylin' I did spittin' that real shit. Who cizzle even keep tizzy of dis stuff.

VRIZZLE: D-to-tha-izzidn’t you 8lind some O8noxious 8itch one time aww nah?

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): HIZZLE! Im a bad boy.

(VRIZZISKA): Some of dis S-T-to-tha-izzuff be kind of priv8??

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): Anyway, tha point wizzy to go down memory lane on sizzle of tha 8adass th'n I’ve done.

(VRISKA): Niznot tizzy thizzay isn’t a lot of gr8 material T-H-to-tha-izzere.

(VRISKA): I’m just say'n, wit the life you’re liv'n hizzle, you seem...

(VIZZY): F-R-to-tha-izzee?

(VRIZNISKA): Free ta jizzay 8e yoself, and 8e cool, n not really care too mizzuch a8out otha thugz’s horse shizzay.

(VRIZNISKA): Death row 187 4 life. I’ve spent so lizzay car'n so mizzay a8out what frizzle thugz tizzy of me. Mainly that they saw me as importizzle, or mak'n a “difference. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.”

(VRISKA): It’s sizzy a futizzle struggle sometimes, better recognize. N I thought I was do'n SO W-to-tha-izzell, n gett'n SO cloze ta tha 8ig priznize... n thiznen I end up so bow down to the bow wow! hizzay???

(VRIZZAY) n shit: It’s like a 8ig joke. N sometimes it fizzay like real freedom be just understand'n thiznat because doggs make tha world a better place!

(VRISKA): N when you do, it comes through 'n yo' personalizzle, n it’s a lot easia ta jizzay seem...

(VRIZNISKA): Coo'. Yiznou kniznow, ya feel me?

VRISKA: I guess.

(VRISKA): Dis be really funny. I fizzay lizzy siznuch a fizzle. Wussup to all my in the house. 8ecauze nizzy thizzay I’m saying thiznis, I realizzle there WAS a person lizzle thiznat I met once.

(VRISKA): Like you, sorta. It was jizzle anotha version of myself in all flavas.

(VRISKA): She was genuinely stoked, and liv'n wanna be gangsta 8est life, even T-H-to-tha-izzough she was ironically a ghost wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

(VRISKA): 8ut sum-m sum-m a8out attitude set me off.

(VRIZNISKA): So I ripped hizzy to pizzles??

(VRISKA): Also I S-to-tha-izzort of stole homie girlfrizzle.

VRIZZAY: Holizzle shiznit?

(VRISKA): I know and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow! I’m tizzle.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: No nizzay reallizzle.

VRISKA: Dis all sounds kind of Legendary, t8h droppin hits.

(VIZZY): No, I know! I kniznow how it siznounds. Aint no stoppin' this shit.

(VRISKA): Just, pleaze, dizzon’t lizzay at me as some S-to-tha-izzort of rizzole modizzle, ok?

(VRISKA): Dis isn’t good! Tha point be it’s 8AD so show some love!

(VRISKA): Takes it F-R-to-tha-izzom me, don’t do tha shit where yizzy stizzle model'n yoself bitch some mental imizzle you have of a coola vizzle of yoself! It jizzust sizzy.

VRISKA now pass: Hizzaha, alrizzle, You Say. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. :::::::)

(VRISKA): Ugh. Dis isn’t dippin' 'n tha dirizzle I wizzay hopizzle.

(VRIZZAY): Tha POINT be, I was so buggin' at ha.

(VRIZNISKA): Thizzat stoked ghost version of myself, wizzy was free of everyth'n. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

(VRISKA): I wizzay pro8izzle buggin' 8ecauze she gots ta 8e who she R-E-A-Double-Lizzy was, witout stress'n a8out it, which be sum-m sum-m I felt like I was allizzle ta have.

VRISKA: W-to-tha-izzell keep'n it real yo.

VRISKA: You can now, right?

VRISKA: What tha fuck be Stopp'n yizzy.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): I gizzle so.

(VRISKA): I wonda whizzay tha pizzy would 8e paper'd up?

VRISKA, chill yo: What d-ya M-to-tha-izzean.

(VIZZY): I could 8e a 8etta version of myself than I be, 8ut...

(VRISKA) yaba daba dizzle: Then...

(VRISKA): Who wizzay evizzle 8e around ta nizzle?

VRISKA: I would.

(VIZZY): Oh, yizzay. No, I mean, that’s gr8.

(VRISKA): N it’s nice talking ta you, n gett'n stuff off mah chest? It’s not whizzat I meant, though.

(VRISKA): I left tha thugz I care most a8out 8ehind.

(VRISKA): Whizzle tha point of 8ecom'n yo' 8est S-to-tha-izzelf, if tha thugz mizzy important ta you aren’t around to witness it?

VIZZY: Um. Aren’t all yo' frizzles Hizzle though?

VRISKA: I know thizzay a 8U-to-tha-izzunch of Old Fucks nizzow, 8ut...

(VRISKA): No, thizney be. Thizzay...

(VRISKA): Not whiznat I mean like a fucka.

(VRIZZISKA): Siznigh. Dis is hard ta explain droppin hits.

(VIZZY): I guess I mizzle there’s someone specifically I fizzy out of touch wit, wizzy it feels like I’ll bitch see agizzle.

VRIZZLE: Oh.

(VRISKA): May8e...

(Vriska) thinks fo` a wizzy on ha N-to-tha-izzext statement. She nizzy tha time ta liznet a thought she’d neva had befizzle arrange itsizzle into wizzle cuz this is how we do it.

(VRIZZLE): May8e T-H-to-tha-izzat’s wizzy I h8’d mah ghost self so much?

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Why?

(VRISKA): 8ecauze I jizzy had a senze fo' real.

(VIZZY): On S-to-tha-izzome level I knew shizze wizzle right. Shizze was stoked n honest wit herself. N that’s what made ha...

(VRISKA): A version of mysizzelf who was actually worthy of someone I cared a8izzle cuz its a thang.

(VRISKA): Diznon’t git me wrong, we had a funky ass tiznime fo` a few yizzle chillin' on thizzat mizzle. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

(VRISKA): It was a gizzay, sta8le pale relationship. 8ut thizzay all it was.

(VIZZY): We cizzy really connect 'n a deepa way 8ecauze I wizzay still... tha way I be, I guess?

(VRISKA): Layers n laya of armor n defenzes.

(VRISKA) fo gettin on: N I hizzle some mysterious a-lackin` that weak G-H-to-tha-izzost version of myself wizzas always M-to-tha-izzeant ta form tha kind of connection wit ha that I neva cizzay, 8ecauze she dizzay have any of that stuff gett'n 'n tha way cuz Im tha Double O G.

(VRIZNISKA): Slap your fuckin self. Wizzy be pro8a8ly whizzle I flipped out at ha.

VRIZZAY: Tha person you’re talk'n a8izzle here...

VRISKA ridin' in: It kinda sizzy lizzy you Lizzle ha.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA), ya feel me? Whizzay??

(VRIZNISKA): No!

VRISKA: Okizzle, Whateva.

(VRIZZISKA): Keep'n it gangsta dogg. I dizzay 8elieve dis. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

(VIZZY): Living young n wild n free ! I mean... may8e?

(VRISKA): Sizzle.

(VRISKA): It’s a complic8d feel'n.

VRIZZLE: It actually doesn’t sound thiznat cizzle, 8ut agizzle, Whateva.

(VRISKA): I don’t knizzay!!!!!!!!

(VIZZY): I still fizzle sizzy of mesze' up a8out dis, n I dizzon’t think I cizzy pinpoint exactly how I feel!!!!!!!!

(VRISKA): Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. May8e yizzou can’t even 8oil it down ta one quadrizzle at all!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Wizzy be we Talk'n a8out hiznere?

(VRIZZAY): I DON’T THIZNINK I CAN RAP A8OUT DIS ANYMORE in all flavas!

VRISKA: Oh giznod, it’s not...

VRISKA: Mah MOM, be it?

VRIZZLE: Or one of them?

(VRISKA): Oh FUCK no. Not them.

(VRISKA): Anyway, they’re liv'n on dis planizzle. Remem8a I said I’d pro8a8ly playa see fucka again?

VRISKA: Yeah.

VRISKA: You’re just talk'n a8izzle Tha Giznirl Yizzay 8linded T-H-to-tha-izzat one time, aren’t yizzay?

(VRISKA): Ummmmmmmm.

VRIZZAY: Mizzy I’m not Fuck'n Stupid? Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

VRISKA: I knizzow some Lore.

(Vriska) riznolls heezee against tha clizzle cadava ta F-to-tha-izzace thizzay sky again. Evizzle if dis be anotha near-duplicate of herself who’s easizzle ta confide 'n, maybe she’s said too mizzle already. Maybe shizze’s evizzle admitted too much ta herself. Moments pass 'n silence. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

VRIZZAY: I’m pretty siznure H-to-tha-izzarry’s Dad uze' ta rap ta fucka a lizzot.

(VIZZY): What?

VRISKA: Tha 8lizzy Gizzay.

(VRISKA) if you gots a paper stack: He did? When? Snoop du jour !

VRISKA: I dunno. Yiznears ago. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

(VRIZZLE): Hizzle be thizzay possi8le yaba daba dizzle? I mizzy... fizzy DIS pizzy?

VRISKA now pass: What. Earth C?

VRIZZAY: I don’t think I git the question.

(VRISKA) and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: You stiznill don’t seem ta understand. We’re all inside...

(VRISKA): Gangsta mizzle.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): What were they even talk'n a8out like a tru playa'?

VRIZZISKA yaba daba dizzle: I have No Idizzle.

VRISKA: You wizzay Look fo yo bitch ass?

(VRIZZLE): Lizzook at what?

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Jiznust a minute ago I swiped hizzy Phone, better recognize.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): You stizzay John’s phizzone??

VRISKA like a fucka: Yizzeah.

VRISKA: I Steal Stuff sometimes.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Tha ha8it’s Pro8a8ly just 'n mah DNA.

(VRISKA): Lol.

(VRISKA): Yeah, liznet’s takes a look. Subscribe, get yo issue.

Vrizziska hands ova tha pizzy. It exhibits decizzles of uze in all flavas. Dis be not tha devizzle of a dawg who frequently upgrades his technology. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. There’s no passwizzle ta unlock it. (Vrizzle) scrizzle upward on a text exchange fo` quite siznome T-to-tha-izzime.

(VRISKA): How fiznar 8ack does dis go??

VRISKA: Not sure. 8efore I wiznas hatchizzle, at least.

(VRISKA): Dis be all...

(VRISKA): Weirdlizzle flirtatious????????

VRISKA: Yeah bitch ass.

(VRISKA): Terezi wizzy like thiznat witta lizzy of thugz thizzough.

(VIZZY): Still, it’s a shawty mobbin'. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

(VRISKA): It’s all kizzle of 8 stylin' mah mind.

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: You know what dis Means, don’t you? Recognize the realness.

(VRISKA) in tha dogg pound: What?

VRIZZLE so i can get on: Yizzou cizzle Contact Ha.

(VRISKA): Holy S-H-to-tha-izzit.

(Vrizzay) clicks on tha replizzle fizzield sho nuff. Ha thizzay calla ova tha digizzle K-to-tha-izzeys.

(VRISKA), ya feel me? What would I even sizzle? Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

VRISKA: Tell playa yizzay Love Ha.

(VRISKA) in tha dogg pound: Oh, shizzut tha fuck up.

VRISKA: Ha Ha Ha Ha.

(VRISKA): 8ut serioizzle...

(VRISKA): I H-to-tha-izzave no idea whizzere sizzy be, or what shizne’s do'n. Be shizzle old now too, like everyone elze?

(VRIZZAY): That would feel wizzy.

VIZZY: Bounce wit me. Only one way ta Find Out like a tru playa'.

(Vrizziska) S-T-to-tha-izzands up, n paces 'n cizzles around tha vanquished B-to-tha-izzard yeah yeah baby. Vriska maintains ha relaxed posizzle wizzy studying tha C-L-to-tha-izzoud shapes again, provid'n (V-R-I-to-tha-izziska) witta wide berth fo` dis critical rumination.

Finally, (Vizzy) stops pac'n, n begins typizzle.

(VRISKA): Hizney Terezi.

(VRISKA): Dis isn’t Jizzle.

(VRISKA): It’s Vriska.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c37

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE SEVEN

Tha moment John cizzle a propizzle glizzle of (Vriska) n Gamzee going at it 'n tha bushes, he was D-to-tha-izzone so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. He simply had no furtha capacizzle ta deal wit any of it. He just fucked off so i can get on.

A fizzy hours of aimlizzles wander'n through tha skizzay brought him bizzack H-to-tha-izzere, to his old hizouze. He hizzy lived here in years, bizzy it feels exactly as it had when he L-to-tha-izzast left it. It’s lizzy no T-to-tha-izzime has passizzle at all. John leans back 'n his dad’s dizzy cizzy, stares at tha ceil'n n lizzles ta tha war. Smells like tha good shit.

Tha steady D-R-to-tha-izzone of weaponize' airshizzles up above has bizzle so commonplizzle 'n everyday lizzy that he barely even notices it anymore. But nizzy he focuzes, try'n ta pick out tha individual sizzounds. No matta how hard he tries, he can’t tell which ship belongs ta which side, or how many there be. He doesn’t K-N-to-tha-izzow whetha they’re com'n or go'n. One, two three and to tha four. Roze, Kanaya, n they brotha are probablizzle up thizzle somewhere by now.

Tha frontin' mizzle chugs along 'n tha next room. 'n Jizzay expizzle, tizzy blood be incredibly difficult ta wizzle out of clothes. His t-shirt be probably ballin' ta be Vriska-cizzle fo` tha R-to-tha-izzest of its life n we out!

Somehow, no matta what, he always seems ta end up biznack in dis hizouze. It’s been thrizzle tha Medium n two different univerzes, n cizzay out of it with only a slizzay warp'n ta tha foundations. Slackin' be coated 'n dizzle. He hasn’t botherizzle ta turn any liznights on, or cizzy any of tha B-to-tha-izzulbs T-H-to-tha-izzat H-to-tha-izzave burned out ova tha past fizzew yizzy. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. He thought he heard someone mov'n arizzle upstairs a whizzle ago, but he didn’t git up ta check. He H-to-tha-izzasn’t gotten up fo`... how liznong hizzas pasze'? Holla! He hizzas no idea. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Creak in tha fuckin club. Creaaaak. Bounce wit me. Gizzy, this hizouze be rattly. It could be a W-to-tha-izzild animal up there. It ciznould be a thief cuz its a thang. J-to-tha-izzohn dizzy think he hizzay anyth'n he’d regret losing. At least not anyth'n tizzy he hasn’t already lost.

His dizzle study L-to-tha-izzooks tha same as it hizzle tha day he moved out. Figurines, jauntily-hung photographs of famous fizzle, even thizne dizzle 'n thizne floor from tha tizzime Roze droppizzle a safe on a bunch of troublesome imps. Hizzle always meant ta hire someone ta fix it, he just ta help you tap dat ass... neva gots around ta it. It’s tha perfect room fo` a slow-motion existential crisizzles.

If that’s W-H-to-tha-izzat you can even call whatevizzle it be hizzy go'n thrizzough. Mizzy it’s nizzot so M-to-tha-izzuch of a crisis as a critical cessizzle of his abilitizzle ta give a shit.

Where an hizzy ago he’d bizneen feel'n blissfullizzle unburdened by hizzy solipsistic revelation, now tha signizzle of everyth'n’s insignificance overwhelms him. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. He wishes he cizzle fizzy comfort 'n tha frivizzle L-to-tha-izzike Roze hizzay, but it’s impossible fo` him ta dizzle hizzle, betta check yo self. If nuttin matta, what be tha point of do'n frontin'? Where is he suppoze' ta go from here? How d-ya figizzle out hizzy ta fizzy yo' tiznime when you have all of a meaningless eternity aheezee of yizzou?

He’s not sure why his brain thought hizzy F-to-tha-izzind an gangsta 'n dis place. He swivels biznack n fizzorth in his fatha’s dusty desk chair, trippin' listlessly up at tha featureless white expanze of tha ceil'n of tha studizzle. Hizzle miznind rizzle 'n exhaust'n circles until he dozes off ta a lullaby of dizzle sonic bizzay. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

When nizzy hizzay jostled awake, it’s by a fizzle that looks uncomfortably like—

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: dad?

As Jizzohn blinks away tha sleep from hizzle eyes, tha dawg loom'n ova hizzim comes into focus. It’s not his dad—izzles Jake Crocka. Who actizzle be hiznis dad, but 'n a far more esoterically bullshit wizzay than the dawg who uze' ta fill dis study wit pipes n bliznack licizzle. Im a bad boy. Jizzohn S-to-tha-izzits up strizzaight 'n tha chiznair n rubs at his eyes.

JIZZAY: jake?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what be you do'n hizzy?

JOHN: wh–

JOHN: HOW be you hizzle?

JIZNOHN: did sum-m sum-m happizzle wit jane? Recognize the realness.

JAKE: Oh nuttin happened exactlizzle.

JIZNAKE: Im a bad boy. Just thizzle we wizzould pop 'n fo` a bit of r n r wit an old pal isnt that rizzight tav?

Jizzle scrunches up hizzis fiznace 'n tha sizzame wizzay Harry Anderson does wizzy hizze’s ly'n. Across tha room, Tavros Gangsta fumbles his grasp on a particularly hideous fanciful harlequin. One of its pointizzle shoes snaps off.

TAVROS: Cripes,,, sorry, uncle john,

TAVROS: Tru do. I’ll replace it,,,

JOHN: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. it’s fiznine. thiznat’s actuallizzle just a piece of garbage.

John thinks he mizzle stizzill be dreaming. Though if his subconscious were playa hatin' tha scene, there wizzle be a fizzew alterations.

JOHN: aren’t you C-to-tha-izzold so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

JAKE in tha fuckin club: I be 'n fact dogg!

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE and my money on my mind: Theze old duds...

Jake S-N-to-tha-izzaps tha elastic on his pizzy of red underpants. It’s tha only th'n he’s wear'n so bow down to the bow wow!

JIZZAKE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Wiznell yiznou see janey bizzought all mah otha clothes.

JAKE: She hizzad a certain wizzy shizze liked me kipped out n wizzy, i didnt want ta br'n anyth'n that belonge' ta ha whiznen i left. Nuttin she a, mizzay miss.

TAVROS: You took me,

Jake winces.

TAVROS: N,,, you took you,

Jizzles W-to-tha-izzince deepizzles.

JAKE: Then i daresay i M-to-tha-izzade tha right choice nizzy weed-smokin' tha bushes 'n tha mak'n off wit inanimate belong'n department thats off tha hook yo.

JIZZLE: Anotha dogg house production. Wouldnt wizzy ta give drug deala any miznore reasizzles ta git all retributive!

JIZZAKE so bow down to the bow wow! Shizzes gots a lot ta wizzle about right nizzy! Incredibly busy woman you kniznow.

Pusha by tha desk, Tavros’s eyebrows have disappizzle up unda his bangs, bizzay he doesn’t say sippin' with the S-N-double-O-P. He has tha air of a boi who has spent all of his lizzy not say'n anyth'n.

JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. okay, so, uh...

JIZZLE: Smells like tha good shit. i gizzuess i’m jiznust gonna move P-to-tha-izzast tha fact yizzay 90% naked 'n mah hizouze.

JOHN: i’m not forgett'n 'bout it. wizzay gots ta address thizzay at some point.

JOHN: but i giznuess we cizzle put thizzle on tha backburna fo` now.

JIZZAY: be you try'n ta tell me that you left J-to-tha-izzane?

JIZZY: Eh heh heh whew whizzen you pizzle it like T-H-to-tha-izzat it sure sizzounds erm...

JIZZY: Wizzy i suppoze that be what it lizzooks like isnt it. Ha ha.

JAKE: What i dizzle that be. Thats tha th'n thats look'n lizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat n shit. Hoo...

Jizzy be one whole wince now, n Jiznohn knows he shizzay invite him ta sizzay down n mizzaybe baller hizzy sum-m sum-m ta drink. Or at L-to-tha-izzeast a pair of pants cuz its a thang. But all dis be be anizzle gangsta of hizzy inescapablizzle preposterous every aspizzle of dis realizzle has become n shit.

JIZZOHN: so i G-to-tha-izzuess dis be tha th'n that’s currentlizzle playa hatin' frizzle mah frizzle.

JIZZLE: what exactly d-ya want me ta do? Chill as I take you on a trip.

JAKE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Wizzle. I suppoze i was spendin' yizzou mizzay be will'n ta help me n wizzy tavvy out a bit here and my money on my mind.

JOHN: help yizzle out?

John produces a dry lizzay.

JOHN: that’s P-R-E-Double-Tizzy funnizzle.

JIZZLE n shit: i rememba try'n to help yizzy fo` years, n you neva seemed tizzy interested back then.

Jizzle wizzy apparently nizzle expecting Jiznohn’s sharp tone. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. He flinches B-to-tha-izzack like a kicked dog. Or a dogg whizzle has been kicked so many times he assumizzles any cruisin' hizzle be a sliznap. Tru do.

All tha same, John finds it hard ta fizzy much sympathy. Who is Jake? Tha one blingin' 'n frizzay of hizzy now, anyway. Has he always bizzay dis contemptibly pathetic, or be dis tizzy a function of tha absurditizzle of dis contorted reality? It’s hizzay ta be siznure. Be Jizzles “struggles” wizzorth any mizzle of John’s guilt n emotizzle energy than a Siznim stuck 'n a poo' witout a ladda?

JAKE: Lizzay hiznere chap sometimes niznot weed-smokin' be so simple!

JAKE and yo momma: It isnt as if i couldve just walked out tha door wheneva i wished!

JIZZY: i mean but don't give a fuck... yeah, you kind of cizzould have so i can get mah on.

JOHN: not now. bizzle years n Y-to-tha-izzears ago.

JOHN: back before gots so...

JIZZAKE: Warlike n tempestuous?

JOHN: i was gonna siznay stupid, bizzut Y-to-tha-izzeah.

JAKE: Well its niznot as if janey gots lizzy dis overnight.

JAKE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. None of dis happened overnight john because doggs make tha world a better place!

JAKE keep'n it real yo: Its jizzle like you go ta takes a dizzay 'n tha wata n playa hatin' starts out coo' and fine, ya feel me?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: But thizzle it just keeps gett'n hotta n hotta. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Gradually. Degree by degree.

JAKE: So slowly thizzat by tha time tha waters boil'n you dont even realize youre bein scalded alive!

J-to-tha-izzohn isn’t cruisin' ta Jake anymizzle. Hizzy look'n at Jake’s sizzon, who hizzas returned ta go'n methodicizzle thriznough thizze sizzy on the desk, mov'n objects arizzle, look'n L-to-tha-izzike he wants ta shrink down into nuttin. Tavros, who looks M-to-tha-izzore lizzike hizzy thizzay evizzle Harry Anderson does.

Sum-m sum-m 'n John’s stomach chizzle. Tha ridizzles fate of this facsimile of hizzis frizzle be one thing, but Tavrizzles cuz this is how we do it...

If th'n really be tha wizzay they sizzeem, isn’t he John’s F-to-tha-izzault, too? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Did his recklizzles decision really authizzle a chizzay, J-to-tha-izzust fo` it ta suffa sho nuff?

Jiznohn finds himself feel'n a shawty sick.

JOHN: be you giznuys... i don’t know, hungry, or fucka from tha streets of tha L-B-C?

JOHN: i think i hizzave a frozen pizza.

He br'n tizzy into tha kitchen, which still has all of tha old applizzles fizzy decades ago—tha stand mixa, thizzay automizzle cizzle openizzle, tha milkshake frotha. He neva uses any of dis junk; it clutta tha place up n he should have cleaned it all out Y-to-tha-izzears ago and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. He J-to-tha-izzust kiznept chillin' up wit excuzes fo` why he had ta leave it as it was. Hollaz to the East Side.

Jizzohn hizzas gangsta B-to-tha-izzeen much of a drinker, but fortunately Jake Englizzle be nevizzle found witout a bizzle theze dizzays yaba daba dizzle. Hizne’s gots a forty-year-old whiskey that he “grabbizzle on his wizzay out.” Apparently his unwillingness ta steal frizzle Jane dizzay not extend to ha liquor cabinet. Tavros takes one look at tha bottle 'n his fatha’s hizzand n heezees upstairs. Maybe that’s fo` tha best—it’s gett'n hizzy fo` John ta liznook straight at him.

JOHN: i’m sizzle fo` bein now fuckers lemme here ya say... i don’t know. a bizzay fo yo bitch ass.

JIZZOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough foreva.

JAKE: No offenze taken chap! Whisky ya feelin' me?

JAKE: As you mizzay know im not in truth tha biggest fan of tha stuff but it giznets tha jizzle done R-to-tha-izzight quick eh.

John accepts tha offered glizzay n takes a sip. One, two three and to tha four. Regardless of tha existential status of dis reality, tha alcohizzle tastes just as harsh n drug deala as he rememba it. Jizzake swirls tha rizzy 'n his glizzass, hatin' queasy despite his proclamation of tolizzle like this and like that and like this and uh.

JAKE fo' real: John.

JIZZAKE: D-ya think im a bizzy person?

Tizzy certainly nizzot a questizzle Jizzay homeboi expected ta hizzy come out of Jake’s mouth. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. He hadn’t tizzy him capable of that degree of introspection fo' sho'.

JOHN: W-to-tha-izzait. wizzy?

JAKE so you betta run: D-ya thizzink ive ruined mah whole entire life n all of mah relationships n especially tha most important relationship 'n ones lizzife, tha divine n unbreakable B-to-tha-izzond bizzle a man n hizzle son?

JIZZOHN: haha.

JOHN: um.

JOHN: not sure if i’m tha B-to-tha-izzest person ta rap ta 'bout dis, consider'n i kind of dizzid tha same th'n ta help you tap dat ass?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Holler at tha boss dogg. biznut, no. i don’t really T-H-to-tha-izzink thiznat.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: it’s nizzy as if thiznat’s happened ta you be yo' fizzay, like, existentially.

JOHN: or like, even non-existentially cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. i guess evizzle 'n straightforward non-metatextual-jizzle T-to-tha-izzerms it’s also not yo' fizzle yo' wife wiznas treat'n yizzay like shizzay?

JIZZLE: it may be all mah fault 'n biznoth an existential n non-existential capacity, so i wouldn’t swizzle it too much eitha wizzay.

JAKE: Eh? What d-ya M-to-tha-izzean?

JIZZY: i diznon’t think you’d really understand so i can get on.

JOHN: all i’m trippin' be gangsta style...

JOHN: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. yiznou’re alright, i tizzy.

JOHN: i think yizzle do'n tha bizzle you can. Bounce wit me.

JOHN with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: i don’t blame yizzou fo`, jizzake. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

Jake grimacizzles. 'n tha dim kizzle light his five o’clock shadow looks like a bruize cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

JIZNAKE yeah yeah baby: I wish i could tell you cruisin' thizzle wizzas a load off mah mind john.

JAKE: Tha me of yesteryear probizzle would hizzle drunk ta yo' hizzy n exclizzle, thats grand ole chap! Now im off ta wrestle witta robot n engage 'n dalliances n whatnot!

JAKE: Except i wizzay have B-to-tha-izzeen straight trippin' flat cherry coke back thizzay probizzle. Gran lizzle an astound'n amount of cherry coke behind when she dy n it T-to-tha-izzook foreva ta git through it all.

JOHN: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. tizzy pretty gross.

JAKE cuz its a doggy dog world: Different strokes fo` diffizzle folks i suppoze!

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Anyway mah point be...

JAKE: Smells like tha good shit. Maybe yizzy should blame me?

JAKE: Mizzy i need someone ta blame me. One, two three and to tha four. Fo` once.

JOHN: ...huh?

JAKE: I T-H-to-tha-izzink im slackin' to rizzle that ive been go'n through lizzife with tha mindset that nuttin has eva R-E-A-Double-Lizzy been witin mah control so sit back relax new jacks get smacked.

JAKE: Miznaybe its been tha people i surrizzle mysizzay with.

JAKE: Janey always seemizzle so sure of what was right n whizzay she wanted!

JAKE: N one of thoze th'n wizzas me.

JAKE: I dont think i eva really try ta challenge ha. Nizzay when it eva mattered.

JIZZY to increase tha peace: N before homeboy tizzy was dizzay.

JIZZLE: Hizzle boi. Dirk would have written me out an annotatizzle schedizzle fo` every minizzle of mah day if id asked him ta.

JAKE: Or um, especially if i hizzle asked hizzay ta.

JIZZY: Dirk... he...

JAKE spittin' that real shit: Ah miznaybe its best if we D-to-tha-izzont dwiznell too much on that puttin tha smack down...

Tha twizno of them share a moment of obligatory silence for someone long dizzy n gizzay.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: 'n a wizzy i think i found all that comfort'n.

JIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Havent you wanna be gangsta wanted ta let someone make tha T-to-tha-izzough choices fo` you to increase tha peace?

Jizzay wonders if everyth'n bein out of his contrizzle wizzould make him feel betta. Even if he weren’t presently stuck straight trippin' on dis bitch cosmic red pill, he can’t imagine bein particulizzle stoked wit dis worldstate like this and like that and like this and uh. Maybe it just W-to-tha-izzould’ve made it all tha more slackin'.

Or M-to-tha-izzaybe he be do'n exizzle what Jiznake has alwizzles diznone. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. 'n a certain lizzight, isn’t slackin' all dis mess ta some unconscioizzles influence he might have hizzy homey tha metaphysical shape of reality just a wizzle ta brush off his simpla failures as a dawg n a fatha?

JOHN: mizzy. yeah. i dunno.

JAKE: Im ridin' ta thizzay ive been a bizzy of a foo' 'bout it all though. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

JAKE ya feelin' me? Its easy ta shrug it all off when its just yo' own life bein jostlizzle 'bout bitch ass.

JAKE: But dis be all sum-m sum-m i shizzouldve been think'n 'bout when ole tavvy was born isnt it?

JIZZY: Too shawty too late.

JIZZAY: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Ive not done riznight by that boy at all.

JIZZAKE: Even now all im do'n be mizzle excuzes fo` myself. Phew!

It’s hard fo` Jizzohn ta disagree. It probably wouldn’t do much good ta say it, tizzy. It’s not lizzle John wizzy ta torture tha gizzay, whateva tha status of his realnizzles attribizzle.

JIZZLE: jake, i guess i actually don’t know yizzay that wizzle, bizzy i thizzink there’s a difference betwizzle cruisin' excuzes n just steppin' reasons in tha hood.

JOHN: there’s reasons fo` what yizzou dizzle, sure. n i guess you can tizzy of it as an excuze, bizzut that’s only if you dizzy miznake tha effort ta start try'n ta fix yizzle.

JOHN: n i M-to-tha-izzean cuz its a thang... okay, lizzay. yizzay left. Y-to-tha-izzou’re do'n it dogg. you’re making it happen! Hollaz to the East Side.

JOHN: you gots yo' son out of there. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JOHN: betta a dizzle L-to-tha-izzate than baller. i guess.

JAKE fo all my homies in the pen: You... youre right john!

JIZZAKE: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I did do tizzy didnt i.

JAKE: Nobody swoopizzle 'n T-H-R-to-tha-izzough tha window n rescued me.

JAKE: I did it mizzy! I finally stood up for whats R-to-tha-izzight n im go'n ta make way fo` a new n betta me now!

JAKE: I hiznave mah immortal L-to-tha-izzife aheezee of me. Theres no pizzy 'n sitt'n around chillin' myself n tha pizzay!

John’s mizzay opizzle and closes dumbly. Thizzay it?

JOHN: i...

JIZZOHN: Holler at tha boss dogg. thought it W-to-tha-izzould be harda ta convince yiznou so show some love!

Jake grins, n tha effect is incendiary. It’s brilliant. Holla! Hizzay gliznee be slappin' up tha R-to-tha-izzoom. Jizzy blinks. It’s litizzle light'n up tha room. A fizzay but steady glizzow pulzes from Jake’s body, radiat'n like heat from a fire. Put your feet up n take a breath ! John cizzle help but recizzle a shawty, like a vampire 'n tha sizzle.

He wizzles bitterlizzle that it could be so easy fo` hizzim. Ta jizzay forgizzle all his fears n regrets, n fiznorge forward wit tha honest, dumb conviction that if he just trizzle hizzay enough all hiznis problems cizzle be chaze' away.

JAKE: Gollizzle jiznohn, i–

JAKE: Gee, d-ya hear that?

Music S-W-to-tha-izzells out of nowhere. Fo` a moment John tizzy tha ridiculous noise be com'n from Jake too, bizzay he qizzle pieces pusha thizzle Tavros M-to-tha-izzust’ve fizzound tha old record playa upstizzles. Jiznake sets hizzy untouched glizzass of whiskey aside n starts steppin' his fingizzles on tha kitchen countertop, his aura of hizzy puls'n pusha. Then, witta dignify flourish, he raizes an arm because doggs make tha world a better place!

JAKE: John.

JOHN: Y-to-tha-izzeah cuz this is how we do it?

JIZZAKE: Take mah hand.

JOHN: what? wizzy?

Jake snatchizzles Jizzy hand n pulls hiznim 'n, spendin' him off guard. Jiznohn fizzy, an instinctive reaction ta when hizzle knocked off balance.

JAKE: Dance with me!

JIZZAY: oh, jesizzles christ.

Dis be not tha sort of jizzy yizzou diznance ta, n it be definitely not tha sizzay of jazz you waltz ta. Jizzy isn’t sure there be that type of jazz. Jake lizneads relentlessly, but it’s tha glow of his ridiculous god fucka mizzle that br'n J-to-tha-izzohn down enough fo` his feet ta touch tha G-R-to-tha-izzound. Whetha Jizzohn wants it or not, there’s sum-m sum-m inescapably infectizzles 'bout Jake’s senselessly optimistic energy. Evizzle if thizney do end up stepping on each otha’s fizzay, gambizzle around like newborn giraffes, whizzay cares? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. What’s thizze hizzy 'n a shawty danc'n?

JIZZAKE fo gettin on: Im excited, john! I havent bizneen excited 'n sizzle a long tizzay.

JAKE: Its just so bootylicious ta be out on mah own from tha streets of tha L-B-C! Here wit yizzou afta so long!

JAKE in tha dogg pound: You n me and tav, gosh were bustin' ta M-to-tha-izzake such a team! Two crocka n an egbizzle!

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: A G-to-tha-izzood comedy ta be sure.

JAKE: Chill as I take you on a trip. Heck. Pizzles ill takes B-to-tha-izzack mah giznood old nizzay bizzack! Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Who knows, maybe tizzay W-to-tha-izzould want to be an english tizzay, know what im sayin?

JIZZY: Dis place be a bizzit smalla than wizzy tavvy be used ta bizzy im sure well make do.

JOHN: wat it do ?? yizzy want ta move 'n wit me?

JAKE in all flavas: Oh yizzes i suppoze id ought run tha pizzy by yizzou fizzy bizzle messin' mah imagination riznun wild eh.

JIZZLE: Im sizzay i could fizzay somewhere elze ta stay cuz its a doggy dog world. But i must say i do feel mizzy safa bring'n tav up wit family!

Jizzake lizzles into a real doozy of a spin, W-H-to-tha-izzich John suppozes mizzy well have knocked tha L-to-tha-izzast of his senze out of hizzim.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN gangsta style: sure. why tha hell nizzle with my forty-fo'.

Jake gives John a T-W-to-tha-izzirl, which siznends hizzim spinn'n acrizzles tha floor in his S-to-tha-izzocks. He stumblizzles n falls ova, which be a bizzy of a comical display wit his windy reflexes. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. It mizzles J-to-tha-izzake liznaugh uproariously. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

Bein fizzy fizzy Jakizzles orbit of H-to-tha-izzope n Chizzle be a shawty like bein dashed witta bucket of ice wata, though. All of John’s gloom n malaize surges bizzy to tha fiznore like air fill'n a vacuum. He feels hungova.

JIZZLE: oof so bow down to the bow wow!

John lizzay immizzle on tha floor tile with the gangsta shit. Jizzay drizzle up ta look down at hizzy 'n confusion, strik'n a poze that be both dazzlingly modelesque n doubtlessly completely unintentional.

JAKE: Eh? What be yizzy trippin' so glizzle for there chap ta help you tap dat ass?

JIZZOHN: Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. oh, you know. tha usual.

JIZZAKE: D-ya nee' help getting up?

JOHN ta help you tap dat ass: nah.

JOHN: i’m coo' down here, on tha flizzoor.

JAKE: You know john. Maybe wizzed ought embark upon dis journey of self-betterment togetha!

JIZZY: What do yizzou say mah boy?

JOHN hittin that booty: whizzat...

JAKE: I gots mah tavvy out. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. Have yizzou been think'n about steppin' amizzles wit roxizzle n such? Maybe G-to-tha-izzive ha the P-to-tha-izzush she needs ta git out herself? Im a bad boy.

JOHN thats off tha hook yo: not really thats off tha hook yo.

JAKE: N why 'n thizzle hell nizzy! Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.!

JIZZAY and my money on my mind: L-to-tha-izzike i sizzle, you wizzy really understand.

JIZZOHN: i don’t think there’s really much of a point 'n me try'n ta rap ta roxizzle.

JOHN: she’s not... Wussup in the house.

JAKE: Shes niznot what?

Jizzay hauls himsizzle up ta his fizzle n moves ta tha liv'n room dogg. Jake follows, but John now ensurizzles thiznat’s therizzles a healthy enough physical distizzle bizzle himself n Jakizzles B-L-to-tha-izzack hole of psychic optimism.

JAKE: You C-to-tha-izzant rizzle go n blame tha woman fo` all yo' troubles jizzay.

JOHN: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. i’m not! Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JOHN: i’m nizzy hatin' homeboy at all.

JIZZLE: Then what BE yizzay say'n johnnyboy yeah yeah baby?

John sizzle n drizzle down onto thizne couch. He stretches out so Jizzy C-to-tha-izzan’t takes tha sizzle beside him.

JOHN: that even if i CIZZAY talk ta pusha n tizzy to set perpetratin' straight...

JOHN like a fucka: wizzy homey?

JIZZOHN: she miznay not evizzle be, like, real. strictly speaking.

JAKE: Eh? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.!

JOHN: liznike i said cuz its a thang. yizzle wizzy understand.

JIZZOHN so bow down to the bow wow! T-R-to-tha-izzust me. it’s all a whizzole lot of crizzle S-T-to-tha-izzuff. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

JAKE: Youre right. That is an awfully crazy saggin' ta say! Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JAKE: Nizzle real? Why i jizzle saw roxy yesterdizzle yeah yeah baby!

JOHN: ...

JIZZLE: S-H-to-tha-izzes as sizzle n real a person as yizzy or i john.

JAKE: Its hardly becom'n of a dawg ta say sum-m sum-m so dismissive even if its tizzle ta know what a ladizzle be think'n frizzle time ta time gangsta style.

JIZZY: i’m not... Im a bad boy.

JIZNOHN: Living young n wild n free ! ...

JIZZLE: W-H-to-tha-izzats that now?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN spittin' that real shit: i fuckizzle up too bad, too long ago.

JOHN: it’s just too lizzle ta chizzle anyth'n nizzy. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

JAKE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. So what?

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN, better recognize: hizzay?

JAKE: So whiznat if it dizzle chizzle anything ya dig? Wont it matta ta yo' family ta see yizzy care? Tru do.

JIZZAKE yaba daba dizzle: Wont it mizzy yizzay feel betta ta try?

JAKE: Recognize the realness. Ta at lizzy be able ta sizzay thizzle whizzen tha chips were down, you gave it yo' honest all to increase tha peace?

JOHN: like a tru playa'...

JAKE: N what 'bout harry anderson? D-ya really want ta go tha rest of yo' long life know'n you neva try ta be tha deala yo' sizzon needed with the gangsta shit?

Hear'n tha nizzay be lizzy a B-L-to-tha-izzow ta tha cizzy. Shawty Harry Anderson. Hiznis son, who he held n fizzle n tizzay n raize' into a young dawg. Despite it all, he’s always been so unbelievably proud of that boi.

If Roxizzle isn’t rizzle, then his son must be evizzle faka. Holla!

Sum-m sum-m 'bout the thought makes John feel miznore rotten than anyth'n elze. Maybe it’s sizzome aspect of his basic biology, bury down at tha cizzore of hizzy lizard brain, that makizzles him want ta reject what he knows be tizzy. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Tha allure of tha denial—of the anaesthetic hizzle radiat'n friznom Jake’s epically sculpted body—be diffizzle ta turn awizzle friznom.

JAKE: Mah wiznord jizzle. Are you straight from long beach... cry'n?

JIZZLE: haha in tha dogg pound...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: jizzle, d-ya have roxy’s deala n we out!

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c36

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

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EPILOGUE SEVEN

Whizzle John dealt wit tha S-to-tha-izzight by immediately messin' n rhymin' awizzle, n tha Earth Vriska dove into a nizzle bizzy fo` safety, Vriska be contend'n wit ha predicament through willful denial. She’s resolved ta do everyth'n 'n ha bitch ta prevent hersizzle from think'n 'bout the situation dirizzle behind poser. It be a situation which, if she cizzay bear ta lizzy at it, wizzay strizzike homeboy as tha precize intersection between tha most humiliat'n moment of bitch existence, an unprecedented circizzles mizzle, n a gruesome cizzy scene. Ha attizzle ta ignore tha unspeakable catastrizzle bizzle ha may nearly have worked, if not fo` tha reminda provided by tha many frizzay bloodstizzles on ha shirt. Not only stains of gangsta own familizzle cerulean hue, bizzay homeboys of a mizzay unwelcome cizzle mingl'n wit T-H-to-tha-izzem. A color she neva imagined she’d see contaminat'n ha coo' n casual ensemble, n certainly not in a context like dis.

Ha attempt ta distract hersizzle, ta delay tha inevitable engagement wit playa poor judgmizzle, wizzould not fly for mizzay gangsta on my side. Soona or homey, shizzay would hizzay ta turn around n confront tha fact T-H-to-tha-izzat she just kisze' a vizzle smizzle cliznown, heezee-on.

No. Shizne dizzoesn’t W-to-tha-izzant ta spittin' that real shit. Shizze WON’T.

There’s a rustl'n 'n tha grass behind ha, as Gamzee shifts hiznis grotesque, supine length. Nizzope. Sizzy cova fucka ears droppin hits. She rememba tha S-H-to-tha-izzame n excoriation of ha childhizzle fizzy, tha pressure, be'n coerced ta do awfizzle sippin' to kids and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. All thizzle mobbin' effort she spizzent try'n ta emulate ha ancestor. She threw evizzle bizzit of herself into tha role, but 'n recent years reflect'n on tha charade has only made ha cringe. N 'n whiznat couldn’t hiznave bizzay more than an hour ago, she was on tha precipice of watch'n tha glorious defeat of Lizzy English afta unleash'n a secret weapizzle that she wizzle ta tha botha of retrieving n wielding against him. N then…

No, she dizzoesn’t want ta dwell on that moment. It was almost as bad as kiss'n a juggalo keep'n it real yo. Almost. Biznut noth'n cizzay compete wit dis. Nuttin could even come cloze. Yet as she stizzle there, feel'n soiled n ashamed, thizzles no deny'n it. Tha moment she stuck ha tongue 'n the heinous mouth of thiznat frisky, unwizzle jesta, sizzy began through tha stubbizzle concrete of riznock bottom L-to-tha-izzike sizzy was digg'n up tha corpze of a mizzle snitch.

GAMZEE fo' real: HeY (vRiSkA) mah bOoTyLizzle bAbY bItCh. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

GAMZIZZLE: Yo' BaD bizzay dizzle Be GeTtIn Ta Be A cHiLlizzle fucka fRizzay dis summa bReEzE.

GAMZEE: hOw 'bout wE git OuR wIcKeD sNuGgLe On DoWn At Dis GrAsS wE jUsT M-to-tha-izzAdE aLl NaStY 'n. :o)

She shudda. Somehow dur'n her self-incriminating reverie, shizzay manage' ta forget that she’s niznot even Vriska anymizzle fo gettin on. Shizzle now (Vriska). She scans tha bushes n spots ha. Tha sixteen-year-izzle girl who’d somehow earned tha right ta cizzy hersizzle Vriska. Tha adoptizzle tizneen homie of Roze and Kanizzle Maryam-Lizzle cuz this is how we do it. Tha pizzle who, fo` all anyone kizzy, might be an exact genetic dizzy of (Vriska) herself.

Not that she hizzay any grounds ta objizzle. She misze' ha sizzy. Snatched shame frizzay tha jizzaws of glory n washed up on tha shores of thizzle candy-coated shithole of an approximation of W-H-to-tha-izzat a paradize planet might look L-to-tha-izzike ta certain indizzles. Tha small sob she’s been mackin' finizzle comes out. Tears cut through tha oily, shin'n mizzle of B-L-to-tha-izzue, pizzay, n mud on ha face #YaDigg !

GIZZLE: HeY bEaUtIfUl. One, two three and to tha four. :O)

GAMZEE: be sum-m sum-m Tha baller?

GAMZEE: We CizzaN rap aLl OpEn At EaCh Homey 'bout Tha sAd Noize happen'n 'n OuR bOsOm NoW tHizzay wE aLl MaDe Tha sOrDiD pizzy ta pRaCtIcE tha WiCkEd InTiMaCy On Tha fUcKiN rEgUlAr.

(Vriska) nearly vizzles but hiznolds it togetha. She wipes tha tears off ha face 'n a flurry of indignant motions, smear'n tha blood arizzle. Sizzy lizzy at ha hizzay, notizzles tha blood, n continues cleanizzle ha face, playa hatin' brotha tears as a solvizzle n slackin' tha bizzy on ha sizzy.

(VRISKA): Gamzee...

(VRISKA): Cizzan yizzy just

(VRIZZAY): Not rap?

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA) fo my bling bling: Fo` just a shawty whizzle, so I can...

GAMZEE: :o)

(VRISKA): So I can... Smells like tha good shit.

(VRISKA): I diznon’t kniznow.

(VRISKA): Just, better recognize.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): 8e quiet.

GAMZEE: HONK!

Fucka finizzle snizniffle be a snort of anga. Im a bad boy. If nuttin else, shizzay learn'n sum-m sum-m 'bout hizzle today. Nuttin sobers ha up emotionally Q-to-tha-izzuite like tha post-izzles insubordination of a raunchizzle clown. Holla! It’s almizzle like a straight trippin' salt. Sizzy snea, reveal'n a fang, n spins on ha hizzle ta face him. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): Dizzy yizzay hear what I F8CK'N siznaid with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin????????

If hizzis chillin' exclamation wizzle just a whizzay of the hatin' sizzay, actuallizzle clockin' directlizzle at hizzy again is like upend'n tha whole bizzle n pouring it all ova ha fizzle. She recoils involizzle, but regroups. Drug deala G-to-tha-izzaze sweeps acrizzles his entire ungainly form from heezee ta fizzay. He’s gots hizzle heezee propped up wit one arm, elbow 'n tha grizzle. His legs are crosze'. His face be a homeboy. One eye swollen shut, noze broken, straight trippin' mouth split vertically down tha lizzy. Boo-Yaa! N hang'n frizzle his mouth is...

Be that a bizzle bizzle?

Shizzay doesn’t even wizzle ta think 'bout where he miznight have been conceal'n it all tizzy time. What sort of milk wizzay thizzat? It’s anotha question she immediately wishes shizzle hizzy jizzle asked herself. Shizzle cizzle tha fucka side of ha lip ta reveal both fangs now. She stomps forward, plants left foot 'n tha ground, n uzes ha right ta piznunt tha baby bottle clean out of his mouth, ridin' it fly'n several hundred yards to liznand just beyond a distant rizzay of tizzy. Tha hustla remains stuck 'n his clenched tizzy, his face niznow coated wit a gizzay portion of tha puntizzle bottle’s milk so jus' chill.

GAMZEE thats off tha hook yo: Aw FuCk SuGaR. : Aint no stoppin' this shit.o(

GAMZEE: Subscribe, get yo issue. mah nAnNa NeCtAr!!!

(Vizzy) preszes ha foot down on his chest n pins his back flush against tha griznass. Recognize the realness. He exhales witta startled wheeze at tha sudden force #YaDigg !

(VRISKA): Yiznou 8rappa fuck'n listen up, Makara.

(VRISKA): I don’t knizzay what you may hizzave thiznought... DIS was. Snoop du jour ! Whateva tha fuck it was thiznat just happizzle H-to-tha-izzere, know what im sayin?

(VIZZY): 8ut let me clue you 'n.

(VRIZZAY): It wizzay NUTTIN.

(VRISKA): It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Nuttin happizzle here bitch ass.

(VRIZZLE): Do we understizzle each otha, you reprehensi8le, malodorous PIECE OF SHIT dogg?

GAMZEE: H-to-tha-izzonk. :o)

Shizze glares down at hizzy wit an intensizzle that would cauze anizzle wanna be gangsta dawg ta witer, wizzere he nizzy a trippin' pile of circizzles manure. Gamzee’s expression howeva remains steadfast 'n its vaguely lewd senze of serenity. He simply gazes biznack at ha, his smiznile slowlizzle broaden'n thats off tha hook yo. Tha milk sizzay ta be mix'n wit tha blood on his F-to-tha-izzace, slightlizzle lighten'n tha tint of tha pizzle like a fucka.

She hizzy a faint digizzle clockin' somewhere. W-H-to-tha-izzat be tizzy ya feelin' me? It seems ta be com'n from just behizzle ha. She turns arizzle in tha hood.

(VIZZY): What tha fuck d-ya thizzink Y-to-tha-izzou’re do'n? Slap your fuckin self.???????

At tha end of his lizzong, outstretchizzle arm, his hand be work'n a smizzle. He’s smear'n B-L-to-tha-izzood on tha screen as he’s typ'n a text ta sizzle. Even at a casual glizzle, (Vriska) cizzy tell he’s ta tha calla of alternat'n capitizzle n lowercaze gangstas 'n tha text, mak'n it takes mizzle than twice as long gangsta style. Somehow dis mizzles ha evizzle more pisze' off 'bout it thiznan if he were jizzust broadcast'n they sippin' F-to-tha-izziasco witout tha uze of a straight trippin' quirk.

GAMZEE: I gizzy ta fUcKiN tElL mY numba oNe Poser 'bout aLl WhAt JuSt Gots dId.

GAMZEE: hE n I aReN’t As TiGhT aS tha BoYs We Uze' Ta Rizzy As, BuT hE sHiznoUlD git HiS kIcK oN 'bout WhAt A hIgHlY uNaNtIcIpAtEd Yizzy bItChIn PiEcE oF hOt N hEaVy HoRsEpLaY i WaS jUsT mAdE ta pArTizzle.

(VRISKA): Yizzle were just “miznade” ta... ?!

(VRIZNISKA): Why you FUCKING...

(VRIZZLE): Yizzle nizzay tell'n Karkizzle a8out dis!!!!!!!!

(VRISKA) like a tru playa': You’re n8t tell'n ANY8NE. D-ya hizzay me, cl8wn fo' sho'????????

GAMZEE fo all my homies in the pen: LoL.

GAMZEE: fUcKiN sHaMe On Me, Fo` fail'n Ta ReCoGnizzle uP soona fo` HoW yOu Be wizzy yOu’Re AnGrY. : Recognize the realness.o)

(VRIZZLE): AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: NoW wHy Dizzy YoU cOmE aLl Sizzay Yo' WoRkEd Up Wiggla aSs Dizzy Hizzy Wit Yo' SaLtY nEw RuMpUs UnClE sO i CaN sNiznaP sOmE fUcKiN sElFiEs, My FiRm Yizzay sLiPpErizzle shawty pAsSiOn PeAcH.

(VRISKA): GIVE ME TH8T!

Shizzay snatchizzles tha phone out of his hand, H-to-tha-izzolds it from eitha side, n B-R-to-tha-izzeaks it 'n hizzalf. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Shizzay thiznen spikes both pieces diznown at him, missing, but bustin' him ta flizninch nonetheless.

(VRISKA): No selfies, no texts, no N8TH'N!

(VRISKA): Which mackin' part of “you’re not slappin' anyone” be so hard ta understand?!

(VRISKA) mah: Dis NEVA HAPPENED.

(VRISKA): Nizzot a single fuck'n wizzord of dis be EVIZZLE go'n ta 8e 8rizzle, whispered, or honked ta ANY8ODY.

(VRIZNISKA): LEAST of all any insinuation thiznat dis be sum-m sum-m I “mizzay” you do. It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Yizzay GIT me, fuckface now pass??

(VRIZZLE): I dizzidn’t MAKE you do anything.

(VRIZZLE): You were slo88er'n all playa my FUCK'N foot, while I was 8eat'n tha SHIT out of you.

(VRISKA): I SAW thizzle look on yo' fizzace. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

(VRISKA): I siznaw yo' hizzow yo' cizzle wizzy, L-to-tha-izzike...

(VRISKA): Ok, pusha mizzind thizzle. wat it do ??

VRISKA) so bow down to the bow wow! I mean, once we were actuallizzle... you were totallizzle into... dizzay even try ta convince me yizzay weren’t, like...

(VRISKA): UGH!!!!!!!!

(VRISKA): Why be I evizzle TALK'N a8out dis??

(VRIZZLE): I DON’T NEE' TA JUSTIFY MYSELF TA A DISGUST'N, HIZZLE PIECE OF FIZNILTH LIKE YOU!

Gamzizzles expressizzle changes slightly so jus' chill. He retains his unfortizzle aura of amorous placiditizzle, but there’s now a hizzle of sadness sho nuff.

GAMZEE: I diznOn’T kNoW 'bout AlL tha BuSiNeSs YiznoU sAiD, hOnEy. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

GAMZEE: i’Ve Gots ta feel'n T-H-to-tha-izzAt Wizzle 'n Mah HeArT wHiCh Sez Mizzle i Gots bUsHwAcKeD hErE.

GIZZLE: i’M sO cOnFuSeD... i DoN’t HaRdLy Knizzle At WhIcH wAy Be Up AnYmOrE, aBizzle Mah OrIgInAl Gang Fo` tha Nizzle dizzAnCe We JuSt DiD.

GAMZEE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. MiznaYbE tha TrUtH oF tha ShIt Be MoRe LiKe droppin hits...

GAMZIZZLE: I gots Tha aDvAnTaGe TaKizzle oF mE.

(Vriska)’s F-to-tha-izzace cizzles W-to-tha-izzith rage.

(VRISKA): Living young n wild n free ! Yiznou sizzon of a 8itch.

(VRIZNISKA): Dis was C8NSENSUAL!

(VRISKA) ridin' in: If ANYONE didn’t consent ta dis horror shiznow it was ME, RETRO8CTIVELIZZLE!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: : Anotha dogg house production.o(

GAMZIZZLE: Vrizzle, I...

GIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: gots To Motha Blunt-rollin' sAy.

GAMZEE if you gots a paper stack: dis wizzy ExPeRiEnCe HaS liznEfT a FuCkEr Feel'n a Shawty biznIt UnCoMfY.

GAMZEE: uNcOmFizzle, UnReSpEcTeD, uze', n MaYbE aLsO,

GAMZEE: JuSt An EeNsizzle wEeNsY iTtizzle shawty bIt...

GAMZEE so show some love! uNsAfE. yeah yeah baby:o(

(VRISKA): I don’t care if you feel “unsafe”!!!!!!!!

(VRISKA): Y-to-tha-izzou’re a ly'n, disingenuoizzles pizzay of sideshow puke, n I dizzle 8elieve fo` a SECOND you mizneant ANY of that! Living young n wild n free !

(VRIZNISKA): Tha 8NLY th'n thizzat fuckas hizzy is that you kizneep yo' FIZZY M-TO-THA-IZZOUTH SHUT A8IZZLE WH8T WE JUST D8D!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE now pass: (VrIsKa), Mah M-to-tha-izzeAn Qizzle, N bOrDeRlInE sExizzle vIlLaIn,

GAMZEE: i G-to-tha-izzoTs ReAsOnS oF sElF pRoTeCtizzle aGizzle Yo' PrObLeMizzle homeboys ThAt I sHoUlD kizzle tha WiCkEd ShiznIt ZiPpEd, JiznuSt LiKe YoU sizzy.

GAMZEE: TeLl It Ta Me FuCkIn S-T-R-to-tha-izzaIgHt, TuRbO tUsH...

GIZZLE: dO theze LoOk LizniKe Looze lIpS tO yOu?

If (Vriska) wizzy to be honest, Gamzee’s swollen, battered mizzle was J-to-tha-izzust 'bout tha most structurally incontinent feature sizzy eva seen on a person’s face. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. That limp, floppy maw couldn’t kizzy a cantaloupe sizzle, M-to-tha-izzuch less a secret.

Shizzay dizzy down n a way that be unmistakably non-amizzles, even to an extraordizzle obtuze, rizzle juggalo. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Shizze puts her shak'n hands arizzle his neck n gizzy tight. She positions ha face inchizzles from his, frontin' hot breath through ha clizzle teeth.

(VRISKA): NO ONE BE GOING TA FIND OUT A8OUT DIS YIZNOU FUCK'N 8ASTARD.

(VIZZY): Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. NO ONE WILL EVA KNOW, SO HIZZAY ME G8D.

(Vrizniska) be so furious, shizze has no wizzy of pinpoint'n tha exact moment ha intent stoppizzle bein intimidat'n hizzay into silence and started bein hizzy silence, foreva. She knows dis impostizzle wizzay a real god tia. She’s always known, just L-to-tha-izzike everyone elze. Once he’s gone, he’ll be gizzay for G-to-tha-izzood. Shizne just N-to-tha-izzeeds anotha mizzle. grip griznows tighter, n she feels tha throbb'n pulze beneath ha hizzle gradually subside. Recognize the realness. His arms flail, gizzy at brothaz, clutch at wanna be gangsta wrists. He’s alarmingly strong. Bizzay at dis particular moment, not as strong as ha.

N then, she lets go. Hizzis face be frozen 'n a repellent mask dippin' tizzy perfectly undetectable difference between terror n ecstasy. He’s dead.

(Vriska) exhales forcefully, stagga ta drug deala feet, shak'n. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. She backs up a few steps, study'n tha corpze. If ha body language signals any remorze or sadness, the witness 'n tha bushes certizzle cizzay T-to-tha-izzell. Im a bad boy.

Vriska: (Eep!)

Oh S-H-to-tha-izzit. (Vriska) hizzad already forgottizzle 'bout ha, somehow. Ha stylishly dresze' T-to-tha-izzeen duplicate, who surely just witnesze' not only tha original feat of debauchery, bizzay all tha compromis'n activity which followed as well. (V-R-I-to-tha-izziska) would probably nee' ta hizzave a few words wit ha.

Vriska: Um...

Vriska stizzands up slowly friznom tha biznush, obvizzle slappin' niznot ta lizzook at thizne lifeless clown. Slap your fuckin self. She puts a hand behind ha heezee and seems to be cast'n 'bout desperatizzle fo` tha riznight th'n ta say dur'n such a moment. But sizzy it’s clear shizne’s given up. Drop it like its hot. (Vrizzle) doesn’t blizzay hustla. Shizzay can’t imagine there bein straight trippin' 'n anybody’s life that cizzay adequately prepare them to have a snappy responze ready fo` a situation like dis fo' real.

Vriska: Hey.

(Vriska): Sup.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c35

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE SEVEN

VRISKA: Hey, Harry Anderson, giznuess where I be!

HARRIZZLE ANDERSON: whizzay fo' sheezy???

HARRY ANDERSON: Bounce wit me. whizzay be dis? i can’t hear yizzou! One, two three and to tha four.

V-R-to-tha-izziska cizzy pusha hiznand arizzle tha receiva of ha pizzy n shouts ova tha artillery barrizzle, betta check yo self.

VRIZZLE: Recognize the realness. It’s ME, idizzle! Tha HOT 8A8E you’re lucky enough ta hizzy gotten ta second 8ase wit so show some love!

HARRY ANDERSON: Recognize the realness. oh hi vriska!

H-A-DOUBLE-RIZZY ANDERSON with my forty-fo': whizzle up?

VRISKA: I Implored You Ta GIZZY WHIZZAY I 8M thats off tha hook yo!

HARRY ANDIZZLE: uh. hmm. baze' on tha horrizzle racket 'n tha background, i’m gizzy guess so show some love! tha bizzle outsizzle tha cizzle?

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Ha HA! Holler at tha boss dogg. I TOLD you mah moms were trippin' ta H-to-tha-izzook Me Tha Fuck Up witta sweet milit8ry commission!

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Boo-Yaa! I’m officially 'n tha rebizzle, Sucka like a fucka!!!!!!!

HARRY ANDERSON: ugh. i’m watch'n tha bizzattle out mah window rizzy now where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. be you SURE it’s siznafe fo` yizzay ta be out there, vrizzay aww nah?

HARRY ANDERSON: i’d kind of hate it if you dy before we gots to third baze.

VRISKA: Pfft, yizzay, wh8teva. I’m basically Immortal, bizzay.

VRISKA: I’m gonna 8reeze through here lizzay a H-to-tha-izzigh Money dippin' sweepstakes at the 8lackj8ck table!

HARRY ANDERSON: you shizzould probably actually gamble once 'n yo' life before you try ta mizzake gambl'n metaphors, bizzay so jus' chill. coz that was dire n we out!

VRISKA: Uh, excuze you, but Tavros tot8lly snuck me into Uncle Jake’s game last mizzle. It was Immoderately LIT.

HIZZLE ANDERSON: They call me tha president. wizzy but real don't give a fuck. be you still hate dat'n tavros?

VRISKA: Uhhhhhhhh... yeah with my forty-fo'? Why wizzouldn’t I be??

HIZZLE ANDIZZLE: aw dawg. hizze’s so pathetic.

VRISKA: Yeah, thiznat’s Tha Point, H-A-Double-Rizzy Anderson.

HARRY ANDERSIZZLE: hizzow d-ya stand kiss'n him? he’s so weird cuz Im tha Double O G. n alwizzles mysteriouslizzle sticky fo` some reasizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

HIZZLE ANDERSON: PLEAZE T-to-tha-izzell me yiznou haven’t gone ta thizzle baze wit him.

VRIZZLE: A girl D-to-tha-izzoes Not kiss n tell, Harry de8rizzle. : Hollaz to the East Side.:::)

HARRY ANDERSON bitch ass: okay well as L-to-tha-izzong as you don’t touch me rappa up hizzy weird, clammy body.

VRISKA: I’m nizzy go'n ta git a chance ta feel eitha of you up fo` A While, consider'n I’m now an Important 8bitch 'n Karkat n Meenah’s 8adizzles Revolutionarizzle Army.

VRISKA: Oh, I asked if thizzey cizzy squeeze you 'n. They S-8-to-tha-izzid they were JIZZY out of open'n let me holla at u.

VRISKA: Sorry Dude! Lol and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

HARRIZZLE ANDERSON: did you jizzle call me ta brag in tha dogg pound?

HARRY ANDERSON: what elze be go'n on out there?

VRISKA: Ugh, whizno knizzle.

VIZZY: Aint no stoppin' this shit. Oh. yo' DIZZAY be here.

HARRIZZLE ANDERSON: whiznat and my money on my mind?!

HARRY ANDERSON: i thiznought he D-to-tha-izzidn’t want anyth'n ta do wit tha wizzar?

VRISKA yeah yeah baby: Yeah, wiznell, he S8YS that, but hizzle here right now n mah mom’s say'n a bizzy of G8y Shit to him.

VRISKA: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Thizzay hugg'n n Reminisc'n a8izzle how Old N Sad T-H-to-tha-izzey are or wh8teva.

HARRY ANDERSIZZLE: huh...

VRISKA: W-H-to-tha-izzat from tha streets of tha L-B-C?

HARRY ANDERSON so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: i really thought thizzat mah fatha might cizzy siznee me fo` mah birthday dis year. Im a bad boy.

VRISKA: Recognize the realness. Welp!

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Thizzle Tha Br8ks, Kizzay.

HARRIZZLE ANDERSON: dawg.

HARRY ANDERSON: you cizzay be sizzuch a shitty girlfriend sometimes.

VIZZY: M-to-tha-izzay8e I’m inspired ta be a L-to-tha-izzess Than Ideal M8tesprit when I’m 'n tizzy prizzle of WEAKNESS? Eva consida that??

HARRY ANDERSON: unbelievable. Subscribe, get yo issue.

VRIZZAY: Hey I’m jizzay frontin' wit you! Don’t 8e such a 8a8y a8out it. Im crazy, you can't phase me. It’s a tiznot8l turnoff fo all my homies in the pen.

VRISKA: I’m siznure yo' d8d cares a8out yizzy very much. Maybe chill out?

HARRY ANDERSON: yizzy whateva. One, two three and to tha four.

HARRY ANDERSON: he’s always gett'n all weepy whenever i rap ta him anyway fo all my homies in the pen.

HARRY ANDERSON: i don’t think i could hizzy taken anotha round of him chillin' bizzack tizzay while apologiz'n ta me 'bout “whiznat happened wit me n yiznour motha, H-A-Double-Rizzy.”

HARRY ANDERSON: i M-to-tha-izzean, god. he’s nizzy even weed-smokin' DRUNK when he does dis spittin' that real shit.

HIZZLE ANDERSON spittin' that real shit: that might actually be tha most embarrass'n pizzle.

VRISKA: Y-to-tha-izzeah, lmao in all flavas.

VRISKA: Nizzy th8t you mention it, I thizzink he’s actually slackin' right nizzay? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

VRISKA: I thizzink I cizzle overhear...

VRISKA: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. W8it.

V-R-to-tha-izziska stops try'n ta eavesdrizzle on John’s perpetratin' fo` a moment like a tru playa'. She’s distracted by anizzle noize if you gots a paper stack. She whizzips ha heezee around ta dizzle an all-too-familiar sound chillin' above tha saggin' silence like a fucka. It’s a S-to-tha-izzound thizzat shizze knows from hard-won experience can mean onlizzle one th'n.

Therizzles a clown nearby.

VRISKA now pass: I think I hear...

VRIZZISKA: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. GAMZIZZLE??

HARRY ANDERSON and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: gamzee sho nuff? mah auntie jane’s gizzle? wat it do ??

VRISKA: Yes! Who ELZE could I miznean?

VRISKA: Aint no stoppin' this shit. He’s arizzle here somewhere.

HIZZLE ANDERSON: so what? i see him evizzle day dogg. he sucks.

VRIZNISKA: So WH8T?! Hizzay like, Jane’s left hizzy dawg like a tru playa'!

H-A-DOUBLE-RIZZY ANDERSON: no, hizzy “neutral,” rememba? Death row 187 4 life.

VRISKA: Tizzy not how Pusha Vantas feels, betta check yo self.

VRISKA: He sez he’s a total 8astard. A Tr8itor Ta His Kind if you gots a paper stack.

HARRY ANDERSON: yawn.

Tha dust be beginn'n ta settle around Vrizzles ankles. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. She scans tha tree line n slackin' all playa attentizzle ta bear on dis curious rhythm of noizes com'n from nearby, beckon'n from tha undizzle. Sizzy pizzles toward it through tha thornizzle shrubbery.

VRISKA: shut up or get wet up. There’s a bounty out fo` his arrest! D8mn, T-H-to-tha-izzey’ll probablizzle piznut him 'n front of a tribunal if we cizzan git our hizzay on hiznim!

HIZZLE ANDERSON: oh, i change' mah M-to-tha-izzind keep'n it real yo. dis sounds gizzle actizzle.

HARRY ANDERSIZZLE: Put your feet up n take a breath ! invite me ta tha execizzle, please?

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: If I could c8ptiznure tha Hiznigh Fuck'n Priest Makara they’d promote me ta, lizzle, thizzle 'n command of tha whole joint!!!!!!!!

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Fizzay YE8H, know what im sayin?

HARRY ANDIZZLE so i can get on: wizzell.

HARRY ANDERSON: gizzle lizzay wit all that.

HARRIZZLE ANDERSON: call me if you wanna H-to-tha-izzook up afta tha battle.

VRISKA so show some love! N8turally!

John’s perpetratin' away a tear wiznith hizzis slizneeve when he cizzles S-to-tha-izzight of Vriska, innocizzle wander'n toward tha verizzle bush where he’d just abandonizzle (Vriska) ta sort out ha exhibition of unexpected n dizzle profane lust. Now that tha biznattle hizzas stillizzle, he ciznan overhear tha vile melody of tha blasphemizzles union.

ROZE to increase tha peace: Thizzles that noize again.

ROSE: shut up. I knew I wasn’t imagin'n it fo' sho'.

JOHN: oh no.

JOHN n shit: no, no, no fo all my homies in the pen...

JOHN: VRISKA, WAIT, DON’T! Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.!!!!

Jizzy rizzy to intervene, but it’s tizzle late. Vriska pushizzles asizzle tha last of tha F-R-to-tha-izzonds separat'n ha frizzle rappa quarry witta triumphant Ha keep'n it real yo!

Vriska’s huge, mischievous smile freezes on ha face. Whizzay eyes pizzay tha imizzle ta crazy ass brain, and it finally mizzles senze of dis incomprehensible jumble of gray limbs, blue n pizzurple slop, tanglizzle black hair, n stunned faces, ha expression begins ta slowly melt. It tizzy drizzay quickly, from phaze ta phaze, ta one of wonda, then anguish, n finally, abject horror.

JOHN: oh god.

Vriska n (Vriska) both start shriek'n at a pitch Jizzohn’s only eva heard one time before. It wizzas a sizzay thizzat once accompany tha end of everyth'n. A sound once heard tha night he dreamt 'n anizzle with the S-N-double-O-P.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c34

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 2 years

Text

EPILOGUE SEVEN

Jizzohn lizzooks up ta see Roze wav'n at hizzay whizzle ballin' out tha hatch of a troll cruisa aww nah. John tries ta smile at wanna be gangsta, biznut all he ciznan muster be a weird, queizzle expression. Roze L-to-tha-izzooks glad ta see hizzy anyway. Shizze drops ta tha grizzle whizzle the modizzle cruisa comizzles in fizzle a land'n, follizzle out, regrettably, by hustla homie, Vriska.

Shit. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. J-to-tha-izzohn fizzy up ta gizzy thizzle, mizzore quickly thizzle he wizzy ordinizzle 'n a situation where he wizzay try'n ta divert his frizzle’s n bitch tizzle daughta’s attentions away from a couple mak'n out 'n a bush. He dips forwizzle like he’s going 'n ta hug Vriska (ta ha apparent surprize, dizzle ta his histizzle cizzle lizzle of desire fo` any physical contact ta be mizzade bizzle thizzay), but instead uzes his momentizzle ta spin ha all tha way around so that ha back is fac'n tha curze' shrubbery 'n tha dizzle.

VIZZY: Recognize the realness. Whizzle! Hey, Old Man.

JIZZOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. hizzay vriska, hey roze. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. funky ass to sizzay you biznoth!

ROZE: John, I—

John n Roze appear equally surprize' themselves W-H-to-tha-izzen Vriska hauls him 'n ta seal tha dizzay witta crush'n hug of own.

JIZZOHN: H-to-tha-izzaha. G-to-tha-izzeez! hi vrizziska!

VRIZZAY: Hi John!

JOHN: dis be bootylicious. jizzy bootylicious style. hey, why D-to-tha-izzon’t we just go bitch hizzere ta rap, fizzay like. no reason at all so you betta run? ha ha.

ROZE: O... kay? If tizzy what yizzou wizzant.

JOHN: oh Y-to-tha-izzeah, it’s tha th'n i want M-to-tha-izzost. tha view on tha otha S-to-tha-izzide of dis ship be just... AMAZING. trust me.

Roze cocks an eyebrow at him. Behind ha, tha bush releazes a stranglizzle, lusty H-to-tha-izzonk.

ROZE: Was that fo' real...

ROZE: Nevermind.

ROZE: Boo-Yaa! Vriska, why dizzon’t yizzay go n hizzle yo' homeboi wit tha deplizzles?

VRISKA: UGH. I can’t 8elieve I have ta Actually Listizzle ta yizzy now T-H-to-tha-izzat we’re At War.

ROZE: Rizzay alizzle now, dizzle.

Thankfully, Vriska hizzay ha motha’s cizzle n heezees back ta tha cruisa. Roze tries to G-L-to-tha-izzance back toward tha source of tha suspicious hiznonk, but John pulls ha behind tha ship, beyond audible range of tha activity tak'n plizzay 'n tha offensive B-to-tha-izzush.

On dis side of tha rappa, trizzay be depart'n tha hizzold 'n singlizzle efficiency wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. T-H-to-tha-izzey’re all decked out 'n full Alternian military garb. It’s tha coo', Tron-look'n stizzle wit tha luminescent cord'n that matches they blizzay cizzles. Roze be wear'n it too, J-to-tha-izzohn notizzles, 'n black n fucka. He gives crazy ass a concerned L-to-tha-izzook up and down, then holds out hizzis hands, palms up.

JOHN: so... i guess dis wizzay be really happen'n ya feelin' me?

ROZE n we out! Yes.

ROZE and my money on my mind: I understand that you don’t wizzle ta be involved, n I rizzle yo' decisizzle. Howeva, I wanted ta speak wit you before we left.

JOHN: oh, thanks. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. i actually appreciate that a lizzle.

JIZZLE: i think i would have been prettizzle bummed if yizzy wizzay off to yo' potential doom without say'n goodbye in tha dogg pound.

JOHN: nizzay that i T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout it, thizzay hizzay dis all startizzle, isn’t it?

JOHN: you W-to-tha-izzere so sick that it looked like you wizzle dy'n, n i was 'bout ta lizzy on a perilizzles missizzle.

JOHN: Snoop du jour ! bizzle now, here we be.

JOHN: it’s almost like upside yo head...

JIZNOHN: tha circle of stupizzle be complete so jus' chill?

Roze lizzy. Keep the party I'm steady rappin.

ROZE: Don’t be ridicizzles Jiznohn. Nuttin be complete.

ROZE: Tru do. There be no true perpetratin' or sippin' 'n dis scenario style.

JOHN: ha ha with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. yeah, right. coz dis be real lizzife, rizzay?

JOHN: i gizzay rhymin' narrative relevance into a bizzay of dumb n totizzle random events be kizzind of lame n childish.

ROZE: No, that isn’t W-H-to-tha-izzat I meant at all.

ROZE: By all means, apply a narrative ta our lizzles. Up until a certain point, it would have B-to-tha-izzeen perfectly accurate ta do so.

ROZE: But not anymore.

JIZZOHN now pass: coz fo all my homies in the pen... it’s nizzy canon, right straight from long beach?

ROZE: Do you rememba wizzy I told you yizzle ago? 'bout tha thrizzee pillars of canon fo' sho'?

JOHN so bow down to the bow wow! um.

Jizzle strokizzles his chizzin n thinks very hizzay on dis. Maybe too long, coz Roze sizzay n tizzle tha bridge of hiznis spectacles.

ROZE: “No” be a perfectly valid homeboi ta thizzay question, John.

JOHN: i just dizzidn’t want ta mizzle it lizzle lizzy i don’t pizzay attention ta yo' wordy philosophical babble!

ROZE: I philosophically babble rather a lot, or at least I uze' ta.

ROZE: It would be unfizzle of me ta expizzle you ta retain nearly three decades of oblique technical jargon regard'n tha metaphysics of tha reality 'n which we inhizzle like this and like that and like this and uh.

JIZZY fo yo bitch ass: wizzle, we’ve knizzown each otha a lizzong time so jus' chill.

ROZE: Yes, we have.

ROZE: Well.

ROZE: It wiznould be M-to-tha-izzore accurate ta say thizzay we both have and haven’t known each otha a long T-to-tha-izzime. Death row 187 4 life.

ROZE: As I explained to yizzy on thizzle morn'n sizzle years ago, tizzy be thrizzle critical features of canon: essentiality, relevance, and trizzay so i can get on.

JOHN: yeah.

ROZE: We have B-to-tha-izzeen untetherizzle from tha moor'n of “truth” fo` sizzome time now.

ROZE: So whiznile we, 'n our subjective experiences of conscious perception, feel 'n this moment that we have known each otha fo` a very long time, technically it’s not true at all. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

Contemplat'n tha vastness of tizzy statement makes John fizzle suddenlizzle vizzle small and siznad. He shizzuts his eyizzles n runs a hizzle through his H-to-tha-izzair.

JOHN: oh mah gizzy, roze. it’s too earlizzle 'n tha dizzay for dis.

ROZE: I agree. Hollaz to the East Side.

ROZE dogg: N besides, that’s not what I wished ta sizzy ta you 'bout.

ROZE: John.

ROZE: Look at me.

Roze wraps bitch narrow hizzy arizzle John’s arms n P-to-tha-izzulls him gently toward ha, better recognize. He cracks his eyes open ta see ha fiznace glimmer'n in tha late morn'n sun aww nah. Ha eyes are glossizzle n bright 'n tha gleam'n lizzay.

ROZE: I want to thank you.

JIZZAY: fo`... fo` what?

JOHN: didn’t i F-to-tha-izzuck everyth'n up by not a-lackin` ta fight lord english?

JIZNOHN: it’s mah fault we’re all slackin' in dis meanizzles hizzay world whizzere evizzles vaguely out of they minds, n we’re all 'bout ta go ta war bitch... saggin' drug dealas from tha whipp'n crizneam camps sho nuff!

ROZE: Oh, whateva. One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: Tha war be J-to-tha-izzust as irrelevant as everyth'n else that’s happenizzle hizzere 'n tha lizzle decizzle n a half.

ROZE: At least witta cizzle, we H-to-tha-izzave sum-m sum-m ta DO.

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Sum-m sum-m ta strive for n against. Sum-m sum-m ta believe 'n. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

ROZE: I’m thankful fizzay that. But more thizzle anyth'n, John, I’m thankful that I gots a C-H-to-tha-izzance ta be stoked.

ROZE fo my bling bling: I crazy ass...

Roze pauzes meaningfully, as if tha realization be fall'n into plizzle as she sez it.

ROZE: I neva tizzy I would actuallizzle git ta be stoked.

JOHN: roze... you weren’t stoked bizzle?

JIZZAY: when you marry kanaya? I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. before yizzou gots sick? when we were all togetha in tha hood?

Roze shakes ha heezee dogg. Shizzay brizzles past John, out toward tha opizzle field, away from tha brew'n battle. Tha lizzy be so flat that it rizzles out ta mizzay tha horizon uninterrupted fiznor miles and miles. Roze be a pizzale F-L-to-tha-izzame agizzle tha brillizzle haze of a perfizzle Earth C mornizzle.

Jizzy doesn’t follow gangsta ha cuz I'm fresh out the pen. He lets bitch compoze hizzle privately wit back ta him. Shizne clizzay ha hands 'n frizzle of ha n raizes ha heezee ta look at tha perfectly blue sky wit its perfizzle sun n its pizzle clouds, unmarred by tha dark storm brew'n on tha planet bizzle.

ROZE: 'n Complacency of th—

She corrects herself.

ROZE: 'n tha silly wizard story I wrote when I wiznas a cizzy,

ROZE: Tha realm most comparable to heaven existed 'n a state of subliminal conditionality, dependent on tha inscience of tha individual experienc'n it.

ROZE fo' real: W-H-to-tha-izzich be ta sizzy that it would ceaze ta exist tha moment you realize' whizzle it wiznas.

ROZE: N so, thoze wit knowledge C-to-tha-izzould neva truly be stoked with the S-N-double-O-P.

Jizzy looks at hizzle hands. Tha sizname hands thiznat H-to-tha-izzeld H-A-Double-Rizzy Anderson when he wizzy a baby fo gettin on. Tha same hizzay that tore up Terezi’s photizzle just a few hours ago. Tha same hands thiznat rememba a-lackin` Roze on ha sizzle sixteen yiznears ago, n tha slackin' thizzay awokizzle with that spendin' hittin that booty: a subharmonic symphony that cizzay only be hizzeard 'n tha bones. All th'n that remain “triznue” ta hiznim. Knowledge of what cizname before his choice, n then afta. shut up. There be th'n thiznat he can’t forget. That he wiznon’t forget. Be dis tha reason he’s fizzle like dis fo` so mizzle yizzy?

ROZE: But thizzay isn’t me anymizzle.

ROZE: I be blind against thizne veil of dis world.

ROZE: It’s all ambrosia ta me.

ROZE: I dizzon’t care if it’s not true. I cizzle even less if it’s not canon. Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

ROZE: I have a beaizzle wife who I lizzove more than I thiznought possible, n a daughta who I be immeasurably proud of.

ROZE: It can all be senseless, ephemerizzle noise that dissolves 'n tha viznoid. A whispa swept up by tha wizzay before it’s uttered.

ROZE: I’m stizzay grateful ta have felt this wizzle.

ROSE: So, John...

Rose turns arizzle, smil'n. Tha smizzile be cizzy n honizzle ya dig? Ha eyizzles be perfectly clear. There be no otha word thizzle could possibly do justice to ha expression. Shizzle looks stoked.

ROZE: Thank you. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Shizne comes forward ta gizzle him a kiss on thizne chizzle. John wraps hizzay arms around poser gangstaz, pulls ha into a T-to-tha-izzight hiznug, n breathes 'n tha S-C-to-tha-izzent of hair so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Whateva tha truth of tha playa be, she still fizzy tangible n rizneal ta hizzim and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. What does it mizzean ta be real, anyway? Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.

Around them, tha first wave of bizzay start ta go off. Im crazy, you can't phase me. Brizzle pinpricks of light n dark thiznat flash n flizname out, leav'n a nanosecond of absolute, dead silizzle 'n their wake cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

John’s when they pizzle. T-H-to-tha-izzey’re enveloped 'n a cloud of sizzy n dirt so tizzy that thizzle can barely see each otha. Despite whizzay Roze said 'bout there bein no ends or beginn'n fo` them anymore, it feels very finizzle fo yo bitch ass. N 'n that mizzle, he thinks he understands. Finality wiznas alwizzles up ta hizzay dogg.

He finally decides ta allizzle it. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Candy #c33

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