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demigod-of-the-agni · 1 month

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Spider-Man India, but... where from India?

A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.

I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.

If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.

So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.

The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:

THE RESULTS

South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?

Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.

Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"

Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South

Context: I want to make art of the boy again

At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.

Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.

But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:

Where did Spider-Man India come from?

FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA

As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.

But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.

We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!

I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.

So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?

Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.

It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.

Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.

This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.

So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.

BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL

I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.

I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.

I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it.

You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.

AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA

He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!

“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?

“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.

Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:

Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?

... but why shouldn't i?

I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.

It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.

SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK

“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”

Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?

Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.

But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.

There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).

And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.

Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.

What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.

Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:

It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first three are written in Hindi. The fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Tamil there, much less any other South Indian language. Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?

Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!

I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.

It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.

It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!

Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!

And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer.

So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.

We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.

THE POLL: REINTERPRETED

This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.

Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this.

So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”

(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)

#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely #BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY #THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK #genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless #put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well #you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour #and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before #because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from #bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level #think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!!#pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide #he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up #it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose #if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people #because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful #that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!!#anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf #pavitr prabhakar #spider man #spider man india #desi #desiblr #atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv pavitr #indian culture #india #desi tumblr #what the fuck do i tag this as #agnirambles

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doggolol · 10 days

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HE ALMOST SURRENDERS TO THE KISS

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SURRENDER TO THE KISS

IM SOBBING

#did I post abt this yet #I've had this in my mind for over a year now but ig I forgot to mention it here lol #no but I'm actually sobbing the way he did want to give in and kiss alice but decided against it to save her ☹️☹️#its not that obvious in the vid bc it all happens so quickly but u could see him soften up a bit after alice's line like :(#also semi side note I read a fic once years ago where alfred wasnt able to stop alice from kissing him in time and so they just wait the #sickness out together and it absolutely BROKE ME #give them their happy ending PLEASE #also for some reason a bunch of my abh libretto posts are getting traction again after almost a year #and out of all of em the stoned post is the most popular lmao #I love that there's still active members in this fandom #hi guys this is for yall <3 #I should post abt abh more #alice spencer #alfred hallam #abh #alice by heart #doggo rambles

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eggboob · 4 months

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#long post #hi guys i' m sick i hope you'll all be nice to me for being so brave #to post even when i'm sick

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strangesickness · 2 months

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what i wasn't prepared for when i started passing sometimes in public was going from being treated like an adult by strangers to being treated like a preteen. like yeah i pass... as a CHILD. also i only pass if i'm careful with my posture and mannerisms and don't talk so its so funny the moment when they "realize" "oh shit i just called an adult 'woman' bud" and start desperately over-correcting.

#my summer job this year is camp leader and its going to be so awkward #when all the kids assume i'm a guy and all my coworkers are like no thats [birthname]#or if i get there on my first day and they assume i'm a high school volunteer or something #or if the parents assume i'm another one of the campers...#there is fear in my heart #but it'll be fine. probably.#posts afflicted with a strange sickness #trans #transgender #transman #transmasc #ftm #lgbt #lgbtq

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voetballers · 5 months

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I will say that I am extremely sorry for bringing my discussion of this situation to my blog where I'm aware that none of my followers (save for like... 4 friends who I already talk about how much I hate Dream) really want to see, but I do just want to rant about how purely disgusting this man has been as of late.

We all become aware of yet another victim of his, an underaged fan that he was acting sexually towards (a 16-17 year old whilst he was 20), someone who has contacted the proper authorities and after contacting them, posted video proof that Dream had sent the victim a SnapChat video of him moaning and saying that he wants to "fill (them) up", and says previously that Dream was in possession of CSEM, and he calls the person calling him out an "not mentally stable individual" and that "it's from a person who hates (his) guts" because 1) of course he would default to saying "oh she's crazy don't believe her" that every perpetrator loves to say, and 2) of course the kid you were acting sexual towards hates your guts. Of course a friend of someone whom you sexted when they were 16-17 and you 20 would hate your guts. That is typical behaviour of a friend — my friends hate my sexual abusers' guts. I would be upset if they didn't.

He actually confirms that he had contact with this teen, says that they "were in an awkward and weird relationship with (his) ex-girlfriend" — who is known for... also grooming his underaged fans to get sexual material from them — and still tries to paint himself as the victim. He says, verbatim, "I made the mistake of being intimate with with this completely above age friend years ago, and haven't talked to them in years", however the individual is currently 20. A few years ago, when he still had contact with his ex, the victim would have been 16-17. He doesn't deny that this happened, does not write it off, and yet still says that it is only being brought up to "kick him while (he's) down". He is a truly despicable individual, and it's sickening that he still has millions of fans whom will stay defending him, and whom still actively defend him even now. He said that the middleman (the person who made the burner account/talking publicly about it) screen recorded the video yesterday, however the victim had these videos back in 2019, when they would have been underaged.

He makes "jokes" about he, himself, liking minors, even with all this being known. The first time someone came forward, he said that it was the individual hating him. The second time, it was accusing them of defamation. This time, it's "they want to kick me while I'm down". He is vile. And this is not even counting everything else we already know about him.

#matt.txt #dream situation #i do apologise because i know that i do not tend to even hate this guy publicly or on this account #i just get upset at how many people will blame the victims and excuse his actions and claim that the victims are lying for attention-#or for the sake of lying #it really hits a nerve with me as someone who was preyed on by multiple older people and adults for almost 10 years of my life and SA'd.#i dont like seeing people vivisecting victims' accounts of their abuse to accuse them of lying or just wanting attention #lmk if i need to tag this i'm counting on tumblr's filters to catch specific words but just let me know #i've felt extremely unwell for about a week and i'm also sick so i also apologise if anything is confusing or incomprehensible #and of course apologise for putting my “cool guy who is unaffected by things” persona aside to make this post #will go back to being your average matt voetballers mutual now

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 3 months

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Just emptied my queue, so don't be surprised if there's much less activity on this blog. You can still message me + send asks (esp my Christian mutuals and my other pals) and I'll get back to you but I'm just tired of tumblr

#this isn't the person I want to be #I'm sick and tired of constantly subjecting myself to garbage for the sake of an empty dopamine rush #For years I was staying around for the good stuff but it doesn't outweigh the bad anymore #Idk if it ever did #Praying for you all <3 #I haven't said it nearly enough because I was afraid of alienating people but I believe in Jesus Christ #And he loves you guys more than I ever could say #So if you know me from fandom posts but wanna talk about faith hmu

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rithmeres · 5 months

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yes, the plans that i could not share with you (because the haters would sabotage me) were that i was taking on LACC in my vash getup :)

i have so few pictures of myself but i got so many compliments (especially on my arm) and plenty of other people took pictures of me. and normally i don't like attention but i will be honest with u. under these circumstances i loved it. my arm held up really well through 8 hours on the convention floor and i have never been prouder of anything i've made. it's articulated incredibly well, no part of it gave out or required repair, it's never uncomfortable or a nuisance to wear, and i have enough range of motion to do relatively complex things like tying my shoes.

originally i was not planning to try to meet anyone famous because 1) it's expensive and 2) the lines are long and 3) i feel weird and annoying approaching literally anyone for any reason BUT. the spot where i met up with my sister just happened to be right next to johnny yong bosch's table. right when he started signing things. so i said LOL ok i'll do it.

it was super chill, i asked him how it felt to get the call that they wanted him to come back 20 years later for a trigun reboot and he said it almost didn't happen -- that since they recast everyone else for stampede they considered recasting vash as well (and i said WOW i'm so glad they didn't) and he said he really enjoyed getting to come back and explore a darker take (i forget if what he said was a darker take on vash's character, or just a darker trigun in general) but it was briefly surprising 2 me that he considered stampede to be a darker version but i get it, especially when u consider that there is not a lot of comedy in those 12 episodes to balance out the grief.

ANYWAY he was impressed with my arm and i asked him if he would sign my coat :) so he signed the lining but he was also like u know what, i'm gonna give you a second autograph just because. so he signed a print for me as well (free of charge!!) and the print with the blue signature matches my famous paintings that i always film in front of (that's providence baybee)

other stuff from the con under the cut

cosplay notes:

i saw 3 other vash cosplayers (a 98 vash, a stampede vash, and a purple coat vash) and no shade but i definitely had the best arm build. peace and love to all of them though

i saw 1 1/2 wolfwoods. 1 was the aforementioned mullet wolfwood from yesterday's post (ww if you’re out there ww) and the 1/2 was the 98 vash cosplayer’s gf in some kind of goth-ish dress and she was carrying a punisher

mullet wolfwood if you're out there i regret not getting a picture with you so much. i am deeply ashamed and i have no excuse because i ran into you twice and both times i was too embarrassed to ask for a picture. i just want you to know that your punisher was swag and your earrings were yolo and we would look very good together

i expected to see a lot more trigun tbh. los angeles where u at. 4 vashies at a convention of 120,000+ people is nothing. one guy even walked up to me like wow i love ur vash, i haven't seen a lot of trigun at this con and i was like I KNOW i thought i'd see a lot more

theeeee costume of all time award goes to the cad bane cosplayer i saw on the balcony. spare hand in marriage dude (gn) you looked so good

second place for costume of all time goes to the other mother cosplayer who had button eyes and these crazy finger appendages and never once broke character even while waiting in lines

i took 100 points of psychic damage from this one guy who (and im not kidding) was at least 6’4’’ and wearing platform boots and was dressed as the mfing onceler. with the stupid top hat he was fr 7+ feet tall (i saw him duck to get through a doorway).

someone was there as the brawny paper towel guy?? just walking around in a beard and flannel carrying a pack of paper towel rolls?? go off king

i saw 5 nightwing cosplayers but only 2 were biblically accurate (had ass)

the nanami sweep at this convention was so real u all SHOWED UP. and everybody ate. i saw at least 12 nanamis and not one of them was a flop.

i have never seen so many spider-mans in my life

other things:

fig. 1: this extremely hot captain america on a very large poster was about 2 make me act unwise. hi gorjus................................. nice eyebrows

fig 2: i saw this sign a couple blocks away from the con and i did a triple take. 🔥🔥🔥TRIMAX MENTIONED🔥🔥🔥

fig. 3: i saw all 4 hobbits in panel and can confirm elijah wood’s laugh is ten times more infectious in real life. before they were even done sitting down, dominic monaghan switched around all of their name cards so that none of them were seated behind the right name. as u might imagine much of the panel's content was reminiscing about LOTR, but i heard some stories that i hadn't heard before. they also talked about video games, other projects they are working/have worked on, how their kids feel about their dads' LOTR roles, how much they love ian mckellen, and how they would love to see something happen for the 20th anniversary of ROTK this year. sean astin (the legend) took shots at the stranger things writers (basically said joyce could never be happy with hopper) AND EVERYONE CLAPPED LOL. billy and dom talked about the best food in NZ, their show billy and dom eat the world, and the unfortunate events that led to the friendship onion's hiatus. it was a ton of fun to just watch them be themselves with each other, you can tell that these guys are all so fond of each other and love each other so much.

and finally, fig. 4: i bought these beautiful prints from @/batinyourbelfry and the skeletal washi tape from @/skeletalacademia (both on IG)

#this post is all over the place but i want u all to experience this with me. baby's first convention #i didn't hate it like i thought i might but i am absolutely WIPED and will b perfectly content to not go to another con for several years #lacc #los angeles comic con #it's so funny walking around and just hearing someone go VASH and literally being like. who said that.#like there are 5 million people in this corridor. where are u so i can acknowledge you #my immediate defense mechanism is to toss up a peace sign so it's very convenient that it is something in character for vash #my favorite compliment was this one guy who was just like 'THAT'S FUCKIN SICK' from across the aisle and i was like 'YEAH!!!!'#long post #ackchewally the more i think about it. i do think sometimes people mischaracterize stampede as lighter than the other triguns #simply because the characters look more baby than their other counterparts #even though many elements of stampede are. truly so dark.#like we are not at manga-level-dark yet but HOO BOY i have no doubt we will get there #i'm dying to see what other horrors orange is cooking bc i KNOW they're cooking awful manga things (laudatory)#hot single dads in your area #my cosplay #this post has taken me hours to write. im so sick of it at this point begone from my sight i hate u

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iluvmatt · 1 year

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new plans, m.s

chapter four, home sweet home synopsis: coming home for the holidays has its perks; you get to see your childhood best friends again, you get to spend the holidays with the people you’ve always loved, and the list goes on. of course, it also had its cons— you have to face your best friend, matt, the one that you’re madly in love with and have been in love with since you were merely thirteen. little do you know, though, that he’s dealing with the same mixed emotions of you and the holidays; biting his nails as he waits for you to knock on his front door.

matt was panicking; his heart was pounding within his throat and his knuckles were a soft white color as he gripped the steering wheel, waiting for chris to get in the car, as he was still in the house looking for his phone. he couldn’t stop thinking about you, about seeing you for the first time in months. he couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going to say, what he was going to do when you were in front of him once more.

although it’s only been months since the last time you saw one another, he felt anxious to see you; as if you’ve been away for years. that wasn’t it, though. he was anxious to lock eyes with you, to see you in front of him, beautiful and ever-changing as you got older throughout the years. he was always at a loss for words when it came to you, but now he sat gripping the steering wheel and wondering what he was going to do when he saw you again.

was he to act normal, as if your very voice didn’t send chills down his spine and flutters within his heart? was he to tell you how he felt and ultimately run the chance of you never looking at him the same ever again? his heart and his mind didn’t know what to do— all he knew was that he wanted to see you, even if he was awkward; even if his mouth couldn’t produce the right words.

“chris is going to be all night,” began nick, who was gripping onto the headrest of the backseat. “we might as well just leave without him.”

matt sighed, turning to look behind him at nick, who was starting to act more and more impatient as time ticked away; “we can’t just leave him, nick.” said matt softly, rolling his eyes. “you know this, he’s just as excited to see y/n as we are.”

not long after matt finished his sentence, a happy chris walked up to the door, opening it fast to sit and look across at his brother who was blankly staring back at him. matt was confused at the expression on chris’ face; chris had something he wanted to say, but was acting as if he was holding back, which irritated matt in a way that he couldn’t express. they all collectively told each other everything— entirely everything.

“what’s up, chris?” matt asked, tilting his head to the side and giving chris a small smile, which he knew always cheered him up when he was feeling down.

“i just—,” chris sighed, looking down at his phone, only to see your contact displayed across his screen. you were simply telling him how excited you were to be at home, how you were almost landing, and just how scared you were to lock eyes with the boy who you have loved for so long. chris could feel your anxiety through the screen, but only unlocked it to type out that he loved you— that you needed to breathe, that everything was going to be fine.

“i just wish you would address your feelings for y/n, matt.” chris finished, only to hear a gasp in the backseat from nick, who was completely quiet at the conversation. matt looked away from his brother, his eyes filled with a mixture of shock and uncertainty as he put the car in reverse and headed out of the driveway— to get you. his mind was stuck on chris’ words; how could he know the feelings that he had never expressed to anyone?

“how did you know?” was all that matt could ask as he drove down the street, hands tight around the wheel, as if he was merely holding on for his life.

chris smiled, his hair scattered across his forehead and a pink tint across his cheeks due to being outside minutes earlier as he began, “nick and i know you better than anyone in the world, you know.”

nick chuckled at chris as he continued, “and we know when you’re feeling something different than what you’re used to, how you shut down and hide away. we also noticed how y/n was a sensitive topic to you and how you would always look over at us when they came up in conversation— how you would always smile when they would text you.”

matt rolled his eyes at the cheesiness of the words coming from chris, but nonetheless realized it was true. you made him act different; you and the adoration that he held so deeply within his heart for you. he was falling in love with you miles upon miles away, without knowing it himself.

“i don’t know what happened or why it happened,” matt stated, staring out onto the road in front of him, “one minute i only saw them as a friend, and then the next, i couldn’t handle being so far away from them. y/n in college where we’d have to hop on a plane to get to them, and me here, where we have been since we were kids. but that was the catch, it was just you guys and i left, and my heart couldn’t take it.”

“and i would see them on calls from a distance when you or nick would facetime them, i would see their texts, and i would hear their voice in voice recordings and i don’t know— i felt something indescribable. something that was close to love, almost love, but quite not love.” he finished, eyes glistening under the street lamps that reflected through the mirrors as he turned onto the entrance to the interstate.

“not quite love?” chris questioned, taking a sip of the leftover pepsi from their trip to the store that morning. it was almost flat but chris didn’t care, he cared about matt and how matt felt, and every word that matt wanted to say.

“it wasn’t quite love then,” said matt, “i thought it was more like a boyish crush, like the ones we had in high school. but one day they called me and wanted to talk to me about a video they saw that reminded them of me specifically— not you, nick, not you, chris. i realized then that this was new, that this was quite literally love.”

“matt is in his character development arc and we are absolutely here for it!” nick exclaimed, clapping his hands together with a wide smile plastered across his visage. “so the question is, are you going to tell them how you feel?”

“honestly, no, i’m not going to.” matt said softly, “i don’t think they feel the same way about me, and i wouldn’t want to make anything awkward between us if i were to confess.”

chris giggled, thinking about his previous conversations with you and how you would be on the floor in tears if you heard any of the words that escaped matt’s lips. chris knew your secret, as did nick, yet poor matt was clueless to the butterflies in your stomach when you thought of him and the beating of your heart whenever you saw him.

“well, you never know if you don’t try,” chris said, “sometimes you have to do things outside of your comfort zone in order to get what you want in life.”

matt rolled his eyes at chris, although he knew that he was true. matt knew that the only way to see how you felt about him was to ask you and that scared the life out of him. he wanted to know how you felt, but he didn’t want to be rejected; he didn’t want you to look at him differently once you found out about how he felt toward you.

a few seconds passed before matt turned into the parking lot of the airport; he swore up and down that chris and nick could hear the thump, thump, thumping of his heart against his ribs.

the three, once parked, exited from the car and headed toward the doors. nick began rubbing his hands against his arms as his teeth began chattering, only to get a side-glance from chris who was trying to speed walk to see his best friend again.

“nobody told me it was going to be this cold outside today!” nick expressed, sighing heavily as he tried to warm himself up with his own hands.

as they approached the door, chris whispered loud enough for everyone to hear him, “well, weather apps do exist for a reason, nicolas. use one.”

once inside, they walked over to your terminal and looked around for you, they were all excited to see you and they couldn’t contain it. especially matt; his hands were tapping against his sides, his eyes were narrowed as he looked around for you, and the ache of anxiety within his chest eased up as he looked around the terminal for you.

after a few short— but excruciatingly long in matt’s eyes— minutes later, a “my boys!” rang through each of their ears as they turned around and saw you; standing there with your bags in hand and a bright smile on your face.

matt felt his heart begin racing as he looked at you; at just how much more beautiful you’ve gotten over the past months that you’ve been away at college, even though he thought you were already the most beautiful you could ever be. you proved him wrong— oh, so wrong.

“y/n!” nick yelled, running over to you as you dropped your bags and opened your arms wide, receiving a hug from one of the very people whom you’ve needed a hug from the most throughout the tiring months of being so far away from family and hometown friends.

you wrapped your arms tightly around nick, giggling at the random little words that the two of you were throwing back and forth at your reunion. you softly looked up as you hugged him to see matt with a sweet smile on his face, causing your stomach to erupt in butterflies. god, he was so beautiful, you wanted to scream it from the rooftop so the entire world knew it.

chris walked up behind nick, tapping his shoulder and smiling widely, “i think it’s my time to hug my best friend too,” which only received a deep sigh from nick as he parted from you, forming a frown on his face in a jokingly manner against chris; it was his secret protest.

chris wrapped his arms around you and leaned close to your ear, whispering ‘tell him how you feel’ before covering it up by loudly expressing just how much he missed you. you replied to his whisper, a soft ‘eventually’ leaving your lips.

“i missed you even more, chrissy, you have no idea.” you spoke, tightening your grip on him as you gave him one last squeeze before parting from him, as you were ready to hug matt. you were sure that you had never been more ready for anything in your life, and your heart beating so rapidly within your chest proved it.

you walked up to matt and smiled widely, holding your arms open as he moved closer to embrace you. you believed you could feel that rapidity of his heart against his chest coincide with the rapidity of your own heart, but you knew that he could never feel anything for you except the love that both nick and chris had for you. the respect and love of a best friend and nothing more; or so, you thought.

“i missed you, y/n,” matt whispered to you, “it was getting lonely, you know, not seeing you.” his words caused your heart to beat even faster, to the point that you could hear your own heart within your eardrums. oh, you were so in awe of this boy.

you felt his arms tighten around you as you rested your head on his shoulder, tears beginning to unknowingly form within your eyes as a crimson blush crept upon your cheeks, “i missed you too, matty.”

the holidays were going to be much harder than you both initially thought; for the sole reason that the two of you both knew now that your feelings for one another were so much deeper than what you both had originally thought before seeing one another for the first time in months, and the other didn’t even know it.

on the other hand, the fun part of the holidays was for nick and chris, though. they were going to get one of you to confess first or even both at the same time; all they needed was to figure out how. once they figured out how to get you two to confess, everything else would fall into place, they believed.

as they glanced at you and matt’s sweet embrace full of unspoken feelings and a sense of longing that is slowly being healed with each slight touch, they turned to one another with grins before they said in synchronicity to one another:

“let the matchmaking begin!”

taglist: @taking-a-footnote-in-your-life, @lostwonderwall, @lomlolivia, @maddymaddie, @kylespencersvocalcords, reach out to be added :-)

#merry christmas! i love you all #blared guess i'm in love as i wrote this #i have so much to post :')) i'm so sorry guys #i've been so busy bc my dad is sick #and i have to take care of him and my family!! plus holiday things #but i need to post this before christmas time/new years is completely past!! i have the end planned :-)#but don't fret! a new social media au will be in the works as soon as new plans is finished #but we have a bit to go!! i'm so excited to publish it all #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fic #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

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