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helianskies · 1 month

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ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

#helia rants #cw vent #i'm okay but i'm not #this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks #it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here #i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read #bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally #that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths #and in turn starting to feel uglier too #i don't like looking at the numbers #i was doing well at the start of the year #but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote #i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense #the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too #i hate that this is what i've become #because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them #but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers #and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer #and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff #this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret #this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no #it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)

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commaclear · 2 years

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Breakup Algebra Hiatus

(so my experience from being a popular fic author in some extremely toxic fandoms is making me nervous abt this post, but here goes anyway)

I’ve talked abt this before, but I genuinely cannot write more than one thing at a time. Every time I try, I end up burning myself out, hating everything I write, and losing all motivation to write anything at all for a while.

I jokingly threaten stuff, but at the end of the day I really do want to make you guys happy bc you all bring me so much happiness. Your support means the world to me, and I don’t want to let anyone down or make them upset...

Which is why I’ve been going back and forth on this for hours. The thing is I can’t write unless my heart’s in it, and right now my heart is in a different au entirely. So I’m putting Breakup Algebra on hiatus for the time being, and I can’t make any promises on when it’ll come back atm.

Check out the new fic here!

please don’t send death threats

#pjo steven universe drarry and hetalia if you're wondering which fandoms made me so scared of disappointing readers #I stopped writing any ff for about five years #not even a drabble #bc of certain events #and I changed my entire online identity last year bc ppl were still finding me #literally years after I'd posted anything #sorry for the minor trauma dump #just wanted to say how much I appreciate y'all for not making me feel like I'm writing on eggshells #fandom culture has gotten so much better #don't let anyone tell you otherwise #at least here no one genuinely wants me dead #or if they do they're at least quiet about it #comma rambles

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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good morning!!!! i had a pretty cool dream ehe

#🌙.rambles #it's a bit dark again tho so.#tw death #my dreams r usually dark fr 😭😭 ngl i'm still a bit. shaken after that one dream i had when i napped tho :<#that was a bit dark in a too personal way i was crying in my dream n i ended up crying sometime irl too #OK BUT! i find it so funny my dreams r so dark usually #oh just. random thought first but i've probably become a lot more comfortable n free w myself again n. fiction yeah bcs #i've been distant from reality but it's alright. this is fine.#seems i can't have both at the same time :^) so much for balance but i don't want to lose myself again so i'm fine with this #i'm fine with letting some stuff falling apart (lie) i was crying abt that but AGHH FUCK NVM #i don't think i slept very well ffs i really didn't mean to ramble again like this but #it's just like how i wrote it two years ago n that's why. that's why i'm rlly such a loss as to what to do bcs two years ago was a very #hfdkflsjdflk time for me :c #it's v important n special bcs of my youth in a good way w video games n stories n writing but then.. simultaneously one of my worst years #it's always rather balanced #that said reading that story i wrote reminded me i'm the type to. oh man i'm quite the hypocrite huh #idc how cringe or embarrassing that thing i wrote was it. it really touches me still w how.. yeah the 'reader'. who's basically #a self-insert ngl but i posted it on tumblr once so YKYK #denying n hiding what they rlly desire. convincing themselves that others r satisfied that others r content; they have what they want alrdy #n so it was fine to hide in the shadows regarding. some things. as to not ruin reality with some faraway dreams that they were #undeserving of. unreachable.. like the moon like the stars. in a cold night; undeserving of warmth #longing in general. always secret. maybe that's why freedom means so much to me #nyways yeah. that feeling of 'this is enough' n more than i could ever have hoped for n #to not. fuck things up they wld hide in a way. too hesitant too afraid to reach out #i think i've known that feeling well for most of my life but just in different ways. i'm glad at least i could identify it now #for the longest time i've been meaning to rewrite that story now that i'm older to see how it wld improve but maybe i'm still afraid of the #extent of how it'll force me to really see the extent of what. nah bcs i do know deep down but when it comes to expressing it?#rather funny i probably seem like a very open n honest person w how much i share but that's just bcs there's a lot of things i'm already #comfortable w within myself?? idk how to phrase but Yeah. i hate lying or not being authentic in any way but i can't deny i'm both used to #it & good at it. but. sob i end up rambling so much in tumblr tags it's just like a diary or smth atp >.>

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astrxealis · 2 years

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i go to sleep after this last post AGHHH the urge to write....... again......... more..............

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i wna try writing for nier esp bcs big brainrots. also finally properly write for gbf! also i wna write more for ff as a whole #by which i mean from xiv vii xv bcs those are the most writable for me but let's see after i play type-0!#i lov other ffs too a LOT but they aren't super writable for me. unless...?#but yeah uh also other fandoms i love! enstars and pjsk and kh and a lot of others. i have yet to properly write for #and gods i should write more for persona ... ALSO i forgot octopath and hades. i really should write for them sometime #this all spans character x character / oc x canon / selfship / just in general eeeee. + aside from fandoms i want to write #for my original stuffs! man. lots of stuff i want to do #i think first and foremost i might post lil snippets of my xiv writing. and then i'll write for gbf!#oh shoot i forgot fe. i love fe. really should write for that more too bcs the last time i did properly #not counting selfships! would have been like... 2020. man #sometimes i forget i got into 3h the same year of release. and it was literally my christmas gift tbh. kind of #i should watch awakening and fates and sov mhmhmmhm and play more heroes too #but also i really should go to sleep now. i'm getting sleepy too. GOOD NIGHT

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verstarppen · 9 months

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summary; there's little time between fast cars and spaceships, but you make it work

pairing; lando norris x fem! star wars actress! reader [ no faceclaim ]

a/n; i'm glad people liked this so here's the anticipated part 2, if you see mistakes no you don't shhh; also yes i really did try to sneak in my book reccs in this one just close your eyes if you want a taglist let me know! [ series masterlist ]

liked by davefiloni, landonorris, danielricciardo and 296,589 others

yndeathtrooper happy birthday to my super cool boss who's totally not going to fire me for being annoying @ davefiloni

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davefiloni Thin ice

yndeathtrooper you get to fire me after you finish reading ONE thrawn book davefiloni Touché

cherryhamilton INSURENCE FOR THE DATING RUMORS LMAO

lukestarkiller and to many more years of awesome storytelling

verstoppen LANDO IN THE LIKES IS SENDING ME

cc_2224 Happy birthday king!

liked by daniel3.jpg, yndeathtrooper, charles_leclerc and 522,123 others

lando.jpg feel it in the force, yoda one for me

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stappenlover lando norizz

tyrescreamer oh my god he's so

yndeathtrooper boooooo that's so cheesy

lando.jpg but did it work yndeathtrooper the comments are loving it lando.jpg i wasn't talking about the comments

daniel3.jpg I was wondering why the bathroom was preoccupied for so long

lando.jpg had to get the best angles sorry

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 2,752,484 others

yndeathtrooper forever grateful to this community <3 thank you everyone who asked for an autograph and photos at the con, i love you

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revanite AYY THAT'S ME IN THE FIRST PHOTO LET'S GO

danielricciardo See you in four days

yndeathtrooper counting the hours sugarussell WHAT alfajuliet THEY'RE MEETING UP!? ln444 TEAM DANNY WINS AGAIN

liked by yndeathtrooper, danielricciardo, landonorris and 3,021,278 others

mclaren Oh Monaco, we’ve been waiting for you! Dreaming of the glitz and the glamour, the iconic street circuit and how can we forget those spectacular harbour views? 💭😍

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danielricciardo Let's get it

dududumax wooo let's gooo

papayasalad lando p4 i'm calling it

lewisummer not with that crash in qualifying he won't 💀

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, charles_leclerc and 1,535,101 others

yndeathtrooper hello monaco, you're cute

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charlielechair WHO'S ON THE LAST SLIDE

stappenlover daniel, obviously georgieborgie IT'S LANDO strollette dude daniel literally liked the post papayasalad SO DID LANDO

sabinelorian you can't just leave us on a cliffhanger like that

charles_leclerc 👋

yndeathtrooper 👋👋👋

cad_babe WHO IS IT

sokasnips soft launch?

jarjarblinks we've shot up into the sky and exploded fuck you mean this is suposed to be a soft launch kimirizzkonnen WHO ARE WE SOFT LAUNCHING FFS

pic credits: instagram and pinterest

#🌟ln4 galaxy far far away #f1 #f1 social media au #lando norris x reader #lando norris au #lando norris #f1 instagram au #f1 smau #f1 x reader #instagram au #f1 imagine #social media au

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minervas-hand · 2 months

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Right to fear, wrong to believe

Just had a horrible realization and needed to meta it out.

How different they were before Edinburgh, when Crowley was sucked down into Hell.

Look at this flirty babygirl in the Bastille:

I mean could he climb that tree any faster?

(This is why I really like fics that place a more physical relationship here, pre-Bastille or just post-Bastille, because c'mon look at them. )

In S1 the next thing is 1862 and Crowley asking for insurance (with a cane ffs). And Aziraphale freaking out with his "fraternizing" BS. It's jarring, until we get 1827 filled in for us in S2.

@takeme-totheworld notes in this post:

Crowley sure went from "our respective head offices don't actually care how things get done" and "nobody ever has to know" to "walls have ears" FAST after Edinburgh. And Aziraphale went from looking at Crowley with hearts in his eyes to "I've been FrAtErNiZiNg" just as quickly. I'm more convinced than ever that Edinburgh was the first time Crowley ever actually got caught and punished for fucking around with Aziraphale/doing good deeds/whatever it was they yanked him back down to Hell for, and it scared the absolute shit out of both of them and changed the whole tone of their relationship after that.

Yes! - it's clear to me as well that the Edinburgh graveyard was a very bad turning point, where they both saw that Hell was listening and would intervene. And it did change their relationship drastically, for over a century and a half (really, until looming Armageddon loosened up the stakes for them).

But what about Heaven?

See the thing is, we know Azi's been worried about Heaven watching him for the past 6000 years.

But they haven't.

[GIFs posted by starrose17]

All this time, and Heaven had not seen them together. Hadn't noticed. Had not even LOOKED.

I want to mention what @starrose17 says about this here in this post:

What I love about this is her choice of words, “went back through the Earth Observation files.” This implies that these photos were already filed somewhere meaning somebody had to have been watching them which meant somewhere in the depths of the bureaucratic heaven there’s an underpaid angel clerk tasked with watching angels on Earth, and he’s been hording photos of his favourite Angel/Demon couple not reporting them to Michael because he wants to see what happens.

And that's exactly what this fic covers!: Spying Omens by @ednav

(Give this a read, it's fabulous.)

While I am here for this being exactly how that happens, the other scenario is colder and worse - there's no one watching, at all. It's just filing automatically and never seen until some Scrivener is called to pull a file.

From @fuckyeahisawthatat's comment here :

I found this scene to be quite chilling, actually. Not only is the idea of Heaven as a surveillance state brilliant (way to make “God is always watching” sound way more ominous) but this is exactly how modern surveillance states work. They don’t actively watch everybody all the time. That’s not physically possible for humans, and even if it is metaphysically possible for Heaven, it’s not a very efficient use of resources. Surveillance states watch people they deem “suspicious.” And once you’ve been put in the category of “suspicious,” they have massive amounts of data that they can comb through to collect a lot of information about you–to retroactively build a case justifying why you’re suspicious, to collect information about where you go and who you associate with, etc.

Yes.

So we either have secret collusion in the rank and file, or we have a surveillance state that is constantly reinforced to its subjects for fear's sake, for control.

(Well, it obviously could be both.)

BUT my point is… Up until Edinburgh, Hell has not been watching (or caring at least). And up until near the end of Armageddon't, neither has Heaven.

Oh, my poor Angel. Thousands of years, of denying yourself, of pushing Crowley away, of carrying around a tension that is it's own constellation.

After 1827 you might have reason, but for the 5000+ years before that?

Thousands of years and Heaven was not watching nor cared.

You were right to fear. And you were wrong to believe.

And that just breaks my heart.

#okay gonna go reread Spying Omens again because that's my headcanon now #I hope Azi tears out the Earth Observation cams or servers or whatever it is #where's Murderbot when you need a good hack #good omens meta #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #good omens

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k0komi · 9 days

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this might sound a bit far-fetched at first but hear me out, i consider myself an avid feminist and i swear even from that perspective alone i could never bring myself to like james potter based on how he acts in the books, so let me draw a quick comparison between him and snape based on canon (mostly snape's worst memory):

-james does not respect lily's rejections and doesn't take no for an answer (even after multiple times)

-> lily tells severus she wants to end their friendship once and he respects it without further bothering her (only getting somewhat involved again years later to attempt to save her life which is a pretty good reason)

- james isn't really shown having any female friends in the books and only seems to pursue lily because he wants to date her, not because he wants to form an actual connection/friendship (although he most likely improved on this aspect as he got a bit older, i'll give him that)

-> severus and lily had an actual friendship with a long shared history. even if he developed feelings for her later on (which can't be said with 100% certainty based on canon material) that wasn't the reason he originally connected with her, and he never made any unwanted advances or bothered her about it because he actually valued her as a person beyond just a possible relationship. he's also well respected by and (possibly?) friends with several women as an adult, including minerva, charity and narcissa.

- another point about james is that not only does he not accept lily's multiple rejections, but he also reacts to them with anger and violence. again referring to SWM, as soon as lily tells him off, he starts disrespecting and threatening her and then turning his anger towards snape in a form of sexual harassment. do i need to say more...

-> and please don't get me wrong, i'm not writing this post to argue that snape was a good person who did no wrong. he treated people badly and used a slur against lily in this same chapter - he joined the death eaters ffs. however, his violence was never gendered, which is what i wanted to focus on with this post.

so.. let me summarize: james potter is a male who can't take no for an answer - and reacts to rejection with violence and anger. who (in the source material) is only shown trying to connect with the opposite gender because he is romantically interested in them and harrassing them about going on dates for what was probably months on end. who threatens violence against said person ('don't make me hex you') and also doesn't shy away from actively resorting to violence and assault over small inconveniences.

those are all some of the biggest red flags a man can have and the kind i wish to stay as far away from as possible. also yes. i know he was a teenager, but this kind of behaviour is simply not something i will personally tolerate regardless of age. i especially can't stand the way many fans use this sort of 'boys will be boys' mentality to excuse his behaviour or just completely downplay it. obviously you're allowed to like him as a character for a variety of reasons, but pretending that the kind of behaviour he displayed in the books is not downright dangerous is not the way. especially because those same fans often try to make him out as some sort of feminist, which is just... LOL.

#anti james potter #anti marauders #pro snape #pro severus snape

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outalongtheedges · 4 months

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Goose on Film pt2

Part 1 Masterlist

The big photo albums that Goose kept all of his pictures in, took up the majority of the bookcases in the Bradshaw's study, lining at least the two bottom rows. Goose on Film Volumes 1 - infinity for all Ice cared. He never really bothered to count them, cause whenever he had tried to, Goose had produced another one, adding it to the shelf after making a whole show out of it. Goose would get out the projector and made all of them sit in his living room while telling them a story about each and every one of the photos he's taken for this album.

Ice would be lying to himself and everyone he knew if he didn't admit that he at least enjoyed those evenings just a little bit. In fact he loved them, together with everyone he cares about, Mav by his side laughing and smiling.

Today was another evening like that, celebrating Goose on Film volume 30-something. Mav's last mission, him and Bradley smiling and laughing as they had made it out alive, BBQ at their place last summer and much more.

Ice stared at the cork board with a faint smile, looking at the things Goose and Carole had deemed as important enough to hang up on there. Two post-it notes, one with an airplane Goose had tried to draw that came out looking more like a fish, the two photos he had to steal back from Mav and Slider's wife, a negative to a picture of him and Mav from the 90s and of course their entire pride and joy, a picture little Brad Brad had drawn them. Not being able to draw planes seems to run in the family.

Ice smiled like he only did in private, looking at all the memories the Bradshaws had kept over the years, their entire house a testament to a life full of memories worthy of being stored out in the open.

Goose on Film Vol. 5, open on the floor, first page showing Mavericks sloppy all caps handwriting in a pen that had already seen its best days by the time Goose made his husband write the title with it. The photo to the negative that was on the cork board, gleamed at him in mint condition, like it had never been touched or seen the light of day. Maverick never seemed to look at the camera when he was so most of the photos they have together are of either him or Mav looking at anything other than the camera pointing at them. Nothings changed there.

Sometimes Ice doesn't know which exit ramp on which highway he took to end up here, but he won't question it.

"Ice come back! Carole's getting the ice cream!"

His smile grew, bidding the albums and the cork board a last goodbye. "Until next time", Ice whispered and turned back around to his family.

Listen I know I promised this thing to you guys at least a month ago, I apologize. My apprenticeship is beating my ass right now, time wise mostly. Thing is I've also been writing on an icemav ff. I'm not going to promise you ppl any time frames, cause I know it won't work out, but it'll come.

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doodlekoo · 1 year

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OUCH | pjm

Summary: you hurt your foot and Jimin thinks your gonna die

Pairing: boyfriend!jimin x fem?reader (mentions pronouns a few times)

Word count: 2.4k

Rating: PG

Genre/Warnings: established relationship, injury, pain, implied?verbal abuse, explicit language, kissing, FLUFF HEH (my favourite), oc is so in love with Jimin

Note: hello fellow fluff lovers, i’m so sorry i’ve been ia for 10 months i was focusing on finishing my final year for college. tbh creative writing isn't my strong point it’s more of a side hobby so please understand i won’t be updating regularly i’ll probably be posting more so when I'm bored and feel like it ahahaha. I do want to point out thanks to all those who liked my previous stories. I really do appreciate it it’s great motivation!! anywho this story was based on when i hurt my foot (it was a more gross story but still hurt like a bitch) i tried limping home but the entire time i wished someone would carry me and care for me the way jimin does in the ff (sad i know). i originally wanted it to be longer going into detail about Jimin’s backstory but i thought short and sweet was better SO ENJOY i hope you all like it :)

and as always please let me know what you guys think and if you want more stories like this! please also leave a like and/or reblog if you enjoyed reading! :D

A warm sensation spreads through your body, engulfing you in a comforting embrace. You couldn't help but smile as a sense of contentment washed over you. The day had been a success. You followed every command and every instruction that your superiors had asked you to follow. Starting a new job was a challenging experience, one you hadn’t gone through before. The memory of your previous employment still haunts you, the echoes of your coworkers' voices reverberating in your mind as they berated you for the slightest of missteps. Not only was it stressful to deal with that every day, but you would also feel even more drained coming home after the endless regrets ran through your mind.

The more you worked at that god-awful place, the more your thoughts grew—were these issues truly insignificant, or were they looming large and you simply lacked the perspective to see them?

Your boyfriend, Jimin, was constantly begging you to quit the job since the sight of you so wrapped up in absolute guilt crushed him every day. Jimin only wanted what was best for you. The stubbornness he had over you was often a hard take but it was only ever going to be beneficial. As the begs increased in volume, your guilt scaled high, resulting in an endless cycle.

You knew you had to do it. Gathering yourself mentally and emotionally to utter those two liberating words took a great deal of courage.

"I quit."

You said it slightly quietly, still unsure. but you were stern about it with an attempt at a demeaning stare. In your head, you felt pretty confident with the way you delivered it, only to have that confidence descend with the sudden scoffs followed by the classic response, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Perhaps Jimin was right. The testosterone in the room was unbearable at this point, and that slow, excruciating deterioration of your brain was just really not worth it. Staring back at your manager, you remained undeterred.

"I'll be handing in my notice tomorrow."

It was never worth creating an argument with your manager or anyone who lacked basic brain cells, in fact. That simple interaction only changed you for the better, and slowly but surely you felt you had a little more respect for yourself.

As you navigate the bustling street after your third shift, a palpable aura of rejuvenation surrounds you, causing your steps to take on a playful bounce. The faint aroma of coffee lingers on your clothes. The joy felt completely surreal, almost like time and space had been warped. Though the relentless bombardment of verbal abuse made your mind gradually deteriorate, it now made even the most challenging tasks a mere cakewalk.

The rain had been hammering down on the cafe windows for most of the day, so when you were met with the fortunate sun slowly peeking out from the clouds, you felt enveloped with its warmth, feeling it gradually filling your mind up with a little extra dose of serotonin.

Several metres or so away from your workplace, in a small back alley, you could smell the damp brick encroaching on your senses. Looking farther ahead, you saw the recent confrontation you were only slowly getting used to. It was amusing to you that a couple of steps were the only thing you had to worry about in your new day-to-day life. It was a sign that you were at least doing something right. You braced yourself for the steep steps that lay ahead while keeping in mind the wet, slick concrete.

And at that moment, the serotonin vanished. As the calmness of the moment dissipated, a surge of anxiety and adrenaline took over. Your heart plummeted as you failed to catch those final steps. Your foot barely brushes the step's edge. As you stumbled, your ankle gave way beneath you, sending you tumbling to the ground.

You squealed, trying not to make any noise, as a wave of pain shot from your foot up through your body when the weight followed.

"Ouch,"

You hissed in pain as you sat at the foot of the steps. Looking absolutely helpless. The surrealness seemed to slip away as the situation unfolded before your eyes. Your mind wandered in silence. As you glanced around, a wave of relief washed over you as you realised that no one had witnessed your mortifying disaster.

I'm fine. I'm fine. You managed to convince yourself that you could make it home since the distance to your house was less than a mile. I can limp; it's fine. You reached for the railing and attempted to pull yourself up, only to be reacquainted with the searing pain you'd felt before.

Fuck.

You personally don't like to worry excessively about pain and injuries because you've always considered it a waste of time to acknowledge the warnings your body gave you. As the numbness set in, you realised that the situation was far worse than you had initially thought. Your body lay still and unresponsive, leaving you with only your thoughts to keep you company.

Along with the overwhelming urge to get up and leave, you also had the nagging fear that someone could hear a small person yelping at the bottom of the steps and decide to make a huge deal out of it. You know one person, Jimin, who would take his time over an insignificant issue. He would be the one to hire a golden carriage and transport you in grandeur, as the conclusion to convincing you that you needed to rescue yourself from those said scary steps. That was the worst-case scenario in your mind. However, it reached the point where you would rather have him make this big of a deal than a complete stranger who would have thought you were weak, whereas Jimin was certain that you are not.

A soft, sad sigh escapes your lips as your hand instinctively reaches for the back pocket of your jeans. With fingers trembling in anticipation, you searched for Jimin's name. As you raised your phone to your ear, you sensed your heart rate accelerating. Your nerves were on edge, and you did not want to burden Jimin with any additional worries. Making Jimin anxious was punishment enough. Every day, catching a glimpse of Jimin's radiant smile was like a burst of sunshine, flooding your world with a second dose of serotonin. But the thought of not being able to bring that smile to his face or turn it into a beaming grin was gnawing at your insides.

"Hey, ___, I’m so sorry. I’ll be home soon! I’m just out with Namjoon and Hobi!" Jimins' amplified voice, together with the distant chatter in the background, echoed through the alleyway. "No, Jimin i-"

"It was just- Hobi wanted us to come see designs after work, and naturally we all piled into the bar! We are finishing up now!"

"Jimin, that's not why I'm calling…" You replied with a low tone.

"Huh?? Sorry babe, I can't hear you that well!" You chuckled to yourself at the agonising situation. Oh Jimin..

"Jimin, I fell.."

"Sorry, what was that??"

"I don’t know Jimin. I fell down these steps, and I can't get up. It's so embarrassing. I don't know what to do.."

"Shit. Stay there. I'm coming now. Where are you?" The way Jimin's entire demeanour shifts over the phone, it intimidates the hell out of you.

"I’m just outside that alleyway from my work... Do you know the one?"

"Yes, I do. I’ll be there in five minutes." And with that, Jimin ends the call.

"Fuck. That was my girlfriend. I’m so sorry guys, I have to go" Jimin, on the other hand, was shitting it. Hearing your frightened voice over the phone was enough for him to travel day and night to you.

"Is something wrong?" Namjoon asked, apprehensive. He'd only see Jimin's expression like this when something was seriously wrong.

"I'm not sure, I think she’s hurt. I'll see you guys soon." Jimin said, frantically stuffing all his things in his bag. "Aw, alright, I hope she’s okay," Hoseok chirped.

"I hope so too. Bye!!" And just like that, Jimin literally flew outside the bar door. Foot harsh on the pedal. On his way: to you.

You kept your eyes on the cracks along the walls, waiting for Jimin. In the end, a few people did come by, but you covered it up by sitting on the floor and talking on your phone, and they didn't seem to notice. It's currently quiet as the sun is descending. But eventually you could hear faint, sporadic panting in the distance. It was the said saviour of the day.

"___!! Oh my god, oh my god, are you okay?? What happened?!?" Jimin gasped, looking at you like a precious gem that had cracked.

"I’m alright, just a little stumble. But I can't stand up, and it’s annoying." With a faint chuckle, you replied. You looked up at him, hoping to see his gaze soften and persuade him that it wasn't such a major issue, but his anxious expression didn't fade.

Scrambling towards you, he examined your ankle carefully, gently touching it in the process.

"Hm, I’m not a doctor, but I think maybe you sprained it. We should go to the hospital." He announced it sincerely.

"NO. I mean- no Jimin, no hospital, please; it’s not a big deal."

"Are you sure? I mean, you said you couldn’t even stand up?" It was endearing that Jimin tried to convince you, but because you didn't want to feel even more embarrassed, you simply scowled at him and hoped he understood what you were trying to imply.

"Okay, okay, let’s go home then." Jimin let out a little giggle at your silliness. But he now knew it was time for him to take on the doctor role and oh how Jimin would take that role very seriously. "Right, I need to carry you to the car then, can you try and get on my back?"

Jimin crouched in front of you after turning around. You used your entire upper-body strength to push yourself onto Jimin's back by reaching for his shoulders. His arms came back around and supported you from behind before he stood up and repositioned you.

"You okay?" Jimin asks once again. "Yes. Thank you, Jimin."

You scoot closer to his back, not just so he can carry you, but also so you can embrace him. Jimin carefully made his way back up the steps and onto the busy street, attempting to find his way back to the car park. You felt embarrassed by the many stares so you cuddled your face closer into the back of Jimin's neck.

It felt safe there, and you could smell his perfume's mild flowery scent mingled with the peppermint notes of his shampoo. Oh, how he always smelled so good. You smiled into his neck and pecked him lightly. This elicited a slight chuckle from him.

Jimin gently places you in the passenger seat and carefully rearranges your legs. He tightens the seatbelt and ensures you're safe and secure. You glance up at him, speechless. After the manner in which he's been treating you, the decision to call him for assistance felt extremely justifiable. As your gaze lingers on Jimin, he catches your eye, and a soft chuckle escapes his lips once more.

"Is this okay?" Jimin asked with a grin. "Yes, Jimin, this is perfect." As your gaze met his, a rush of warmth flooded your heart. The way he looked at you with such tenderness and affection was a feeling beyond words. To have someone who cherished you so deeply was truly a gift beyond measure. A rosy hue crept up Jimin's cheeks, causing his smile to widen even further.

Closing your door and driving back to the house was quite quiet, but it also felt soothing and safe at the same time. Jimin carried you on his back once again while fumbling to retrieve his keys from his pocket to open the door. Making his way to the sofa, he plopped you down softly.

"Okay, wait there. Don't go anywhere; I’m going to find a bandage." You laughed and shook your head at his stupid yet endearing joke.

When Jimin returned 10 minutes later, he did not only return with a bandage but also with half the house. Blankets, pillows, comfy clothes, a big bowl of snacks, and on top, the said bandage. You couldn’t even see his concentrated face through the massive mountain of love.

Your laughs echoed throughout the room once again while Jimin dumped everything beside you. He then carefully helps you undress into your loungewear and, following a YouTube tutorial, attempts to wrap the bandage around your foot. Watching him all focused on you made your heart flip around the room. He is so adorable.

"Okay, I think that’s good. Now do you want a pillow under your foot as well?" Jimin asked you politely. "I think it’s alright like this." You look at him, smiling.

"Hm, scratch that, I’m getting you a pillow."

When Jimin returns from getting a pillow, he gently lifts your feet to place it beneath them. He then throws various fluffy blankets over you while tucking in the sides, making sure once again that you don’t go anywhere. Looking back at you, he moves in close, giving you a soft peck on your forehead. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he momentarily retreats before leaning back in, peppering your face with a flurry of playful kisses. The two of you erupt into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, your heads thrown back in pure love and joy.

"Now what should I put on the TV for you?" Jimin sits beside you after grabbing the TV remote. "Anything I don’t mind."

Jimin then proceeds to put on your favourite film. Pressing play; he looks at you with a soft smile. "Please be more careful; I hate seeing you hurt like this." He pats your head gently while wrapping his arm around you.

"I’ll try not to Jimin ''. You say as you move closer to him, resting your head on his chest.

Paying close attention to the rest of the movie, your sixth sense tells you Jimin isn't watching it at all; he's staring at your ankle, hoping nothing will hurt it any further.

#bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts ff #bts fluff #bts #kpop #bts one shot #jimin #park jimin #jimin x you #jimin x reader #bts jimn #jimin fluff #jimin fanfic #fluff #pjm #bts fanfic

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hexhomos · 4 months

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Sorry, I'm asking here because asks aren't on your doomreed account, but do you have any fic recs for them ? You and vinnies art have intrigued me 😭 they both seem like such wet cats in different ways, and I love that

help i didnt know asks were off fixed that now thank you... I have two fics i keep in my back pocket as like, exemplary distillations of their whole thing (one in college vs one of their usual superhero stuff,) these are;

Supersymmetry and Night Blooms

Rly good examples of their usual shenanigans, the second one is directly based on a canon comic issue that *feels* like fanfic by a prolific yaoi author, the first is set in a modern-time re-imagining of the fantastic four where they meet in a supergenius internship thinktank for gifted youngsters. There's other fics that are good but i think they might be super confusing without canon context! which leads me to my second point. After you read these fics...

A lot, and i mean A LOT of official doomreed stuff feels straight up like fanfic. Either because its so beautifully woven or insane in concept (doctor doom points a gun at the real life Jack Kirby and Stan Lee to get himself written back into reed's life in his 3rd ever classic appearance, in the 60's, THAT'S the bodyswap issue)

or because the literal authors themselves come out to say 'they're soulmates' or 'they're in love' and Im talking abt this:

(^joseph culp, the first ever doom actor from 1994)

(^fantastic four (2019))

I've got even more stuff under the cut!! AND recs!!! CLICK! v v v

(^jonathan hickman, author of arguably the best FF saga & Secret Wars (2015)!!!)

(^Cantwell, author of the Doctor Doom comic!!)

These are excerpts from the canon fantastic four book, DOOMGATE:

There's even an RPG INSTRUCTION MODULE based on the idea of an earth where Reed & Victor partner up in college, Reed dies a tragic death (via their lab experiments) and Victor assumes such a traumatized widow role in his honor that he grows up to be a golden hero and protector of earth LOL (still a bit nuts):

This is not even to touch on the breadth of all their comic issues and little moments together. Victor canonically delivers Reed's second child and he chooses her name! Shes treated like his child too and calls him uncle doom!!

...Victor even asks Reed out on candlelit dinner dates for a yearly Latverian holiday!

In fact, that's the great starter doom/reed issue i keep recommending: read [ My Dinner With Doom right here. ]

If you enjoy that, check out my [ broader post guide for doomreed reading. ]

Still on the fence? try out these single comic issues:

Doctor Doom:

*Fantastic Four (1961) annual 2 (Classic origin of Doom issue) *Some call it MAGIC (the introduction of Doom's struggle w/ the devil for his mother's soul)

Doomreed:

*Marvel Two-in-One (2017) annual 1 *Marvel Two-in-One (2017) #11 (2nd fic i linked is based on this!!!!!!!!!) *'Duel Intentions' short story *Doom 2099 (2019) *Fantastic Four #700 special *Shame Itself (noncanon satire mini)

Anyway I've had a lot of fun reading these series generally and their big, year-spanning arcs are incredible. People hype up Secret Wars for a reason, Hickman's fantastic four builds up a really compelling doom/reed epic of cosmic divorce proportions. And its about love! And Forgiveness!

#hexposts #doomreed #meta tag #victor von doom #reed richards #fantastic four #mister fantastic #doctor doom #mr fantastic #dr doom #fantastic 4 #marvel comics #FF #fic rec #long post

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rainbowsky · 4 months

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Anonymous asked: this is why we can’t have nice things.. [redacted]

Speaking of 'this is why we can't have nice things', Anon...

I've closed my inbox to anonymous asks.

Congratulations Anon. After four and a half years of taking anonymous questions from people, yours was the proverbial final straw that broke the horse's back, or whatever that saying is.

Copious swearing under the cut. Prepare yourself for the sound of branches cracking and breaking in the storm.

I can't even begin to imagine why you'd think that is something I would want to see. What the actual fuck? Did it not occur to you that that might be extremely homophobic and distressing for me to see?

I don't know what part of "I don't want to hear any more of this" people don't understand but FFS, I just can't do this anymore.

I'm not here to explain, coddle, comfort or commiserate over hateful statements and badly photoshopped BS toxics are sharing on Twitter, nor am I here to compensate for people's unwillingness to curate their online experience. If I wanted to deal with Twitter BS, I'd be on Twitter.

I'm not here to be a social crutch, either. If a reader has a question about something someone posts on Twitter, they should ask them. They shouldn't come to my blog and send me an anonymous message asking me what someone else meant!

I cannot believe the sheer volume of both of these kinds of asks I get.

THERE IS A REASON I AM NOT ON TWITTER

I take curating my online experience extremely seriously, and I purposely block and avoid all of the worst toxic shit. Especially Twitter, which is a raging cesspool. What point is there in me doing all of that if I can't avoid it anyway because people bring it to my inbox?!?

At the risk of putting my foot in my mouth like WWX, I have to ask, "Who raised you people?"

This all strikes me as really basic stuff, here. Take a few seconds before you send an ask, and reflect!!

Is this something that belongs on another platform? Is there a really good reason why I'm bringing it to this platform?

Is this something rainbowsky wants to hear about?

Is this something rainbowsky has repeatedly, repeatedly told people not to fucking send?

Is this something I should be handling myself by simply blocking and ignoring the person who posted it? Do I really want to play the role of spreading toxic, fucked up lies and garbage farther and wider than where I found it?

Is rainbowsky the right person to ask about this, or should I be asking the person who posted it?

Do I really need to be anonymous for this? Why can't I message rainbowsky privately, or reply in the comments of a post? Why do I want to hide my identity for this simple question or comment? How does being anonymous impact any relationship building or community building that could be happening?

Have I considered rainbowsky's feelings and experience in all of this?

If I haven't taken some basic steps to make this a collaborative, positive, community building experience for rainbowsky, why should he want to post my ask on his blog?

From now on if somebody has a question for me they can damn well do it off Anon. If you don't want me to publish your name say so in your ask and I will respect your wishes, but I will know who you are and you will be accountable to me for what you send. End of fucking story.

Sorry for the bitchiness, please don't take it too personally. I am just really at the end of my tether. My life is stressful enough as it is without having to deal with stuff like this.

#ffs #personal #fandom reflections #twitter is a cesspool #ask

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strawberrykisseslia · 6 months

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Vanessa Shelly x F! reader

this was slightly inspired by White dress by Lana Del Rey :) not really the story of the song but the vibe(?) so yea! :D

TW: none; fluff, first love thing, harmless flirting, slight angst with alternative ending, waitress reader

A/N: this is my first work that I actually post so please be kind 😭 i already wrote ffs before but never posted them; English is not my first language so, sorry if I make any grammar mistakes, i dont bother to correct them+ im dyslexic but I'll try my best <3

have a pleasant reading time!

~~~

As always you were working in your favorite diner as a waitress. It was a pretty calm job so you liked it, not the night shifts though, because it was open 24/0.

In the few past months you noticed that a woman always came every morning and always on the same exact time. You never really talked to her more than taking her order, you were too busy. The woman was a police officer so she was also almost always in a hurry.

Today was different. It was pouring rain outside and there weren't many people in. However, your favorite costumer came though. She was wearing her raincoat and the hood was on her. When she came in she took off the hood and gave you a small smile. "The usual?" Your voice broke the silence. She slightly chuckled and nodded while leaning against the counter. "I think you already memorized it well, no?" You turned around and started to make her coffee. A soft chuckle left your lips. "How couldn't I?" She smiled before crossing her arms. You turned your head back and smiled at her. She extremely gorgeous and attractive, how didn't you notice this before? You did now.

Silence filled the almost empty diner, the only sound was the coffee machine. "I'm Vanessa Shelly, by the way. How about you?" Her voice was also soothing. You turned back and faced her while placing down the coffee, sugar and milk down on the counter before you and her. "Y/N L/N." You looked down and started putting the milk and sugar into the coffee. "I like the sounding of your name. How old are you? You seem pretty young." She tilted her head to the side while looking up and down at you. She noticed that your uniform were different from the other waitress's. Yours were white, it suited you just well. You were beautiful even in your uniform.

"I'm 19." You smiled and slided the coffee towards her and you put away the ingredients. She took a sip of her coffee. "Then I was right. You are still pretty young." You nodded, your sweet smile never leaving your face. "Can I ask how old you are?" You were slightly scared by asking her. She sounded more older than you. "I'm already 30." She chuckled and put the coffee down. You were slightly surprised by her age since she looked a lot younger. You would have guessed she is in her early 20s like you. "You don't seem like in a hurry like the other days." You mentioned. She looked at you pretty confusedly. "You noticed?" She smiled. "Today is a bit more chilling than the others. I only have some job to do during afternoon." You were slightly surprised by that but you were also happy that you at least got the chance to talk with her.

After the little chat you had with her, you had to go back to the other customers because finally people came in so it wasn't all empty anymore. Some time later you notice Vanessa wasn't there anymore. You sighed, feeling down because you didn't have the chance to say bye to her. You hoped she comes tomorrow like always.

~~~

"Baby! Look what I've found!" Your voice filled the house. You were in front of your closet. In your hand there was your old white dress that you wear when you first had your conversation with Vanessa. It was nostalgic to see it again after years of it being at the closets darkest corner.

Vanessa came up to you to your shared bedroom with a small smile. She walked up to your side and noticed the dress in your hand. A wave of nostalgia went through her and a bigger smile went on her lips. "Oh my god! Is that the dress you were working in when we first met? It's been so long since I last seen it!" She laughed lightly. You nodded and smiled. "It's been a while... Should I try it on some time?" You turned around and put the dress down on the bed. Looking down at it, it was still in good conditions, you only needed to wash and it would be better than ever. "I would love to see it on you again." Her voice was filled with nothing other than love. She put her arm around your waist and kissed your forehead. "I love you." You giggled and turned to face her. You put your arms around her neck and gently stroked her hair that was down. Her beautiful green eyes looking into yours and that loving and that gorgeous smile you fell in love with was smiling at you. "I love you too. More than anything."

I only mention it cause it was such a scene and I felt seen.

~ALTERNATIVE ENDING:

Your girlfriend came in with curiosity to your shared bedroom. "What is it?" She asked. Her voice was much different from Vanessa's. It was a lot harsher but of course, you loved your girlfriend so much but somehow... you still remember to Vanessa's voice and always fantasize about it.

You smiled at her. "Looked what I've found..." You repeated yourself and turned to face her. She came closer to you. "Oh! Was that your old uniform?" She smiled. "It must nostalgic to see it again. Probably it holds many dear memories to you, no?" You nodded and looked down at the dress in your hand.

"Truly. Many dear memories."

'I only mention it cause it was such a scene and I felt seen.'

#Spotify #five nights at freddy's #vanessa shelly #vanessa afton #female reader #elizabeth lail #vanessa shelly x reader #lesbian

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