#i’ve heard this dialogue a million times over the years
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so it’s been a week since uni started and today the entire friend grp confessed they thought i was a bitch cuz i was glaring at everyone who breathed on the first day😭😭😭
apparently i have the ‘resting bitch face’ ????????
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Man On a Wire
A/N: somehow this worked again I really hope you loves like this!
Request - Anonymous asked: For a dialogue, how about Remus thinking you like Sirius so when you ask him to a library date he thinks it's a prank or to make Sirius jealous and he says no. Remus then finds out you were talking with Sirius about him and apologizes.
Warnings: insecurities on Remus' part, making him be a biiit of an asshole, but I think that's it! let me know if I missed anything, also is like 2am here and this is not proofread
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter :) gif isn’t mine :D
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Man On a Wire
I feel like I'm walkin' on a tight rope
My heart is in my throat,
I'm counting on high hopes to get me over you
You kept walking back and forth in front of the Quidditch Pitch.
“You need to calm down, love. It’s only a question” Alice tried to reassure you.
“B-but what if he says no?” you asked, feeling anxious.
“He’s not gonna say no” she insisted.
“You don’t know that. There might be a million reasons why he would say no” you said, making your best friend glare at you. “O-okay maybe not a million but… a f-few” you shrugged.
“Hey, ladies” you heard Sirius approaching and landing next to the two of you. “What are you still doing here? We’re gonna be done in a few minutes” he said looking at you.
“She’s second-guessing herself” Alice told him.
“C’mon, love. We’ve been through this. I’ve told you a million times. I know first-hand, Remus is basically in love with you-” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.
“L-love? You never said anything about love, Black!”
“I didn’t think I needed to. He looks at you worse than Prongs looks at Lily or Frank looks at this one” he said, pointing at Alice.
“Hey, don’t drag Frank into this” Alice glared at him.
“My point is, it’s time you both just stop being stupid and get together” he simply said.
“But what if he says no?”
“Why would he say no?”
“I don’t know!”
“He’s not gonna say no, okay? So, just, go up there and we’ll be out here waiting for you two idiots to come out holding hands and we can go to dinner” Sirius said before he started pushing you towards the bleachers, where Remus was sitting.
“Okay, okay, I’m going!” you said, looking at your best friends one last time and taking a deep breath.
You started climbing up the empty stairs and walked over to one of the highest bleachers where you knew Remus always read while he waited for his friends to be done with practice. Not that you knew his every move you just… noticed. You felt your heart beating faster when you spotted him. He was so enthrallingly handsome, it was ridiculous. You always heard girls talking about how stunning Sirius was and, you didn’t disagree, Sirius was very attractive. But Remus’ beauty was completely different. It was hypnotizing. Which is why you were extremely worried about asking him out.
You gripped your books to your chest a bit tighter and made your way over to his spot. He was so concentrated on his book that his tongue was sticking out a little and he was resting his head on his right hand as he read. You cleared your throat a little, getting his attention and making him look up at you.
“Um… h-hello, Remus” you smiled, nervously.
“Hi” he smiled back at you.
“I am sorry to um b-bother you” you started. “Uh, is it okay if I join you?”
“Oh, yeah, sure” he said, getting up and scootching a little to make room for you. How were you not supposed to fall in love with this man?
“Um, th-thank you” you said, placing your bag on the floor and taking your books out. “So, um… what are you reading?”
“Oh” he said, marking the page on his book. “Um, I’m reading A Murder is Announced” he said, showing it to you. “Have you read it?”
“Oh, yes, I read this last year. It’s a really good book. Are you enjoying it?”
“I am” he nodded. “So, what brings you to the Quidditch Pitch today?” he asked, all of the sudden.
“Oh, w-well, there’s a match on Friday” you said. “... right?”
“Right” he smiled. “Are you planning on coming to the match?”
“W-well, I don’t know. I’m not much of a Quidditch fan, as you know” you said, feeling your cheeks burn. “S-so, I thought maybe if I watch them practice I might understand it a little bit better?” you said, nervously.
“Why the sudden interest?” he asked, curiously.
“Um, I don’t know” you said, nervously running a hand through your hair. “It’s our last year, so… I promised myself to try new things” you smiled wearily. “So, um… do you think you can explain some of it for me?”
“Um… sure” he said, putting his book down. “I mean, I’m not the best myself but I did read Quidditch Through the Ages” he said, making you laugh a little. “So, Prongs is the captain” he said, pointing at his friend. “He, Sirius, and Kurt are Chasers. So, they have to get the Quaffle through the hoops” he instructed.
“Okay, that doesn’t seem that complicated” you said.
“Right, but it’s the Beater’s job to throw the Bludgers at them and prevent them to do so” he told you. “Fabian and Gideon are really good. But, we’re playing Ravenclaw on Friday and their Beaters are quite ruthless” he explained.
“So, I take it you’re coming to the match on Friday?”
“I am” he nodded. “I never miss a Gryffindor match” he smiled.
“Oh, Merlin! Look at him! He looks even better with his hair like that” you heard a group of girls a few steps down and to your right. They were ogling and sighing over Sirius, who wasn’t as far, brushing his sweaty hair with his hand.
“Ugh, I know! He’s stupidly handsome” another one giggled.
“So… Sirius has his own cheerleading section?” you chuckled.
“Yeah, he kind of does” Remus told you as Sirius made his way over to the group of girls in his broom.
“Hello, ladies” he said, flashing his signature handsome smirk at them, making them giggle and they all started complimenting him.
When he spotted you, he quickly sent a wink your way. You failed to see Remus rolling his eyes as he started putting his stuff in his bag, which is why he failed to see Sirius widening his eyes at you before pointing at Remus hinting that you needed to ask him. You sighed, rolling your eyes, and took a deep breath one more time.
“Um, R-Remus?”
“Yes?” he asked, looking back at you.
“Um, w-well, I was um…” you stuttered nervously. “C-could I ask you something?”
“Sure” he said, turning to look at you.
He noticed you were nervously playing with your hands before you looked at Sirius one last time and then you finally faced him. He prepared himself to hear you ramble on about how much in love with Sirius you were and if he could help you fix a date with him or something.
“W-well, I was w-wondering if, uh-” you said, again. “If you’re not busy on F-Friday, um… m-maybe you’d like to um…” you stammered. “G-go with me to the Library to study, b-before the match?” you managed to finally spit out. You felt your heartbeat increase as you waited for your answer.
“What?” Remus frowned.
“O-or if you’re busy we can c-come to the match?” you tried, smiling nervously. “O-or I b-believe it’s a Hogsmeade weekend-”
“What’s your angle?” he asked you all of the sudden, taking you by surprise.
“Um… a-angle?”
“Honestly, if you want to go out with Sirius, just ask him” he said, standing up and grabbing his bag.
“Sirius? W-what are you talking about-?”
“You know, a lot of girls have asked me what’s the best way to ask him out but none of them have sunk so low to the point of pretending that you would like to spend with me to get closer to him-”
“That’s not what I was-” you tried to explain, getting up yourself.
“What is it then? Are you trying to make him jealous or something?”
“What? No! Remus, I don’t-”
“You know what? No, thank you. I honestly have better things to do than to spend a day with you talking about Sirius” he said before walking away, leaving you standing there, mouth opened, dumbfounded. You didn’t even hear the last things he said. The only words ringing in your ears were ‘No, thank you. I honestly have better things to do than to spend a day with you.’
Your eyes kept looking at him as he climbed down the stairs and you saw the group of girls that were looking at Sirius. They all looked at you with sorrow in their eyes. They felt sorry for you. You had just been rejected in front of them. You felt your eyes starting to water as you saw Alice running towards you.
“Hey, what happened? I just saw Remus leaving-”
“He said no” you silently said as a few tears ran down your cheeks.
“What? Why?”
“He said he- um” you tried to explain to your friend as she sat you down. “He thought I was asking him out b-because I wanted to get closer to Sirius” you said.
“What? That’s ridiculous! Why would he think that?”
“I don’t know” you said. “I tried to tell him that wasn’t the case b-but he didn’t let me explain and he left” you finished, crying a little harder.
“Hey” Sirius said, flying over to the two of you. “What happened? Why are you crying?”
“Remus said no” Alice informed him as she hugged you.
“What? Why?”
“He thought she was only asking him because she wanted to ask you out” Alice explained.
“He said that?” Sirius asked you and you slowly nodded. “I’m gonna bloody kill him” he muttered under his breath. “Look, love, I’ll talk to him, okay?”
“N-no, it’s okay” you said, trying to stop more tears from falling. “I d-don’t think Remus likes me that way anyways” you said, sadly.
“Don’t say that, love” Alice insisted. “Let’s just go to dinner and we can talk things through” she suggested.
“I’m not hungry” you said, pulling away and grabbing your things. “You guys should go” you smiled sadly at them. “I think I’m just gonna go to my dorm” you told them, eying the group of girls who were now leaving.
“No, we can talk to Remus-”
“Go and rest, okay? I’ll bring you something” Alice interrupted Sirius.
“Thanks guys” you smiled weakly at them. “I’ll see you tomorrow” you said before making your way out.
“Bye, love” Sirius said before turning to Alice. “I’m going to kill Remus” he repeated.
“If you don’t, I will” she replied.
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“What the bloody hell is your problem?” Sirius asked when he burst into his dorm.
Remus was reading a book, James was coming out of the shower, and Peter was just sitting there waiting for everyone to get ready so they could go to dinner.
“Which one of us are you talking to, Pads?” James asked, confused.
“Why don’t you ask your stupid friend Moony” Sirius said, glaring at him.
“What are you talking about?” Remus frowned confused.
“Oh, you’re going to play dumb? So we’re just going to pretend that nothing happened back in the Quidditch Pitch and you didn’t make anyone cry?”
“What?” James and Peter asked at the same time.
“Again, what are you talking about? Nobody cried” Remus said, closing his book and getting up.
“Really? Are you sure about that, Moony? Are you really sure?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Padfoot. You have no idea what happened!”
“Oh, really? So, you didn’t reject her when she asked you out?”
“What? Who asked you out?” James asked, interested.
“Nobody-”
“Nobody? Really? The girl that you have practically been in love with for years is now nobody?”
“What? She asked you out?” Peter asked.
“You said no?” James asked, extremely confused.
“She didn’t ask me out, okay? She was only asking to spend time with me to get closer to you!”
“What?” James and Peter asked again. “That doesn’t make any sense!” James said.
“Yeah, what are you talking about, mate?” Peter asked.
“Why the fuck would she want to get closer to me? We’re friends!”
“Because she’s in love with you, just like every other girl in this stupid school is, apparently!” Remus snapped.
“You see? You see how stupid your friend is?” Sirius told James.
“Stop talking to me as if I’m not here! And stop calling me stupid!”
“Mate, you are stupid! You truly are if you think she was only asking you out to get closer to Sirius!” James told him.
“Shut up! I saw the way that she was looking at him! You winked at her, and all of the sudden she’s interested in Quidditch and she wants to go to the match on Friday, and I’m supposed to believe she doesn’t fancy you?”
“Mate, I highly doubt she’s interested in Quidditch” Peter laughed.
“Yeah, she’s as interested in Quidditch as she is in Padfoot” James added.
“Moons, I winked at her because I knew she was nervous about asking you out. See, it was actually the other way around. She came to me and asked me how she could ask you out” he explained.
“W-what?” Remus asked, feeling terrible.
“Do you honestly not know how much in love with you she is?” Peter asked, confused.
“Yeah, she’s always looking at you, mate” James told him.
“She’s n-not” he insisted, trying to convince himself that he hadn’t just turned you down and that you were not in love with him. “She likes Padfoot. She’s always with him-!”
“Yeah, talking about you, you idiot!” Sirius told him. “She’s always asking what your favorite books are, what movies do you like, and what would be the best way to ask you out! And when she finally got the courage to do it, you said no” he explained.
“Holy shit” Remus muttered to himself, plopping on his bed again. “I am so stupid” he stated.
“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, mate” Sirius said, sitting next to him. “So, what are you going to do?”
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Throughout the next few days, Remus tried endlessly to find you so he could apologize but it was useless. You were avoiding him like the plague. Even when he tried using the Map, it was as if you were one step ahead of him. He looked for you in the Library, where he thought you’d be even if he said no, but you were nowhere to be found. He hoped you would make it to the match on Friday, but again, you were a no-show.
It wasn’t until Saturday when he begged Alice to drag you to Hogsmeade so he could just ‘casually’ run into you. It took him and Sirius to convince her since she was still mad at Remus for rejecting you, but she caved.
So, here you were, on your way to Hogsmeade as a third wheel on Alice and Frank’s date, although they insisted it wasn’t a date, so Marlene and Dorcas were here too. So, all in all, you were fifth-wheeling.
“Come on, love. It’s gonna be fun!” Marlene said, linking her arm with yours. “We can do whatever you’d like!”
“Yeah, we can go to the Three Broomsticks, or Tomes and Scrolls, or the music shop” Dorcas suggested.
“To be honest with you, girls, I kind of just want to go to Honeydukes to get as much candy as I can carry and then go back” you said with a sad sigh.
“What? No, love, it’s a beautiful day!” Marlene insisted.
“Look, we have some errands to run, why don’t you go to Honeydukes to get some candy, and then we can meet at the Three Broomsticks?” Alice suggested as you entered the village.
“Um… can’t I just by my candy and go-”
“No!” Dorcas and Marlene said in unison. “We’re gonna head to the Three Broomsticks to get a booth, so you better come there after buying your candy” Dorcas added.
“Ugh, fine!” you said, frustrated.
In all honesty, all you wanted to do was buy an endless amount of candy and go back to your dorm. Ever since Remus rejected you, you felt people watching you everywhere you went. You could hear them talking about you and you were certain that the girls that witnessed the entire thing had already spread around your very much public rejection. Which is why you had been avoiding going out of your dorm as much as you could.
You turned around to make your way to Honeydukes, completely missing that your friends joined James, Peter, Lily, Remus, and Sirius at the Three Broomsticks.
“You’re up, Lupin” Alice said, still glaring at him as the rest made their way inside the pub.
Remus took a deep breath before he followed you into the sweetshop. He spotted you on one of the furthest shelves, holding, or trying to, as many sweets as you could in your hands. He felt a sweet smile forming on his face as he watched you. A small part of him still thought that Sirius was wrong. That there was no way that you could ever be interested in someone like him.
But his heart fluttered more intensely with each step he took towards you, and he knew that whether Sirius was right or wrong, he still needed to apologize to you for the way he spoke. When one of the many chocolate frogs you had fell on the floor, he quickly made his way over to you and picked it up.
“Um, here, I think you dropped this” he said, making you turn around to face him. His heart ached a little when the smile dropped off your face when you saw it was him.
“Oh… um” you said, grabbing the treat from his hand. “Thanks” you smiled nervously.
“How have you been?” he asked, cursing himself silently. “I uh… didn’t see you at the match yesterday” he added.
“Right… I wasn’t really in the mood to go” you smiled firmly.
“Oh” Remus said, feeling even worse. “W-well, you missed a good match” he chuckled. “Gryffindor won” he said.
“I heard” you replied noticing a few people looking your way. “Um, I should uh- probably get going” you said, as you were going to start making your way out, but you felt Remus gently grab your arm and turn you around.
“Wait!” he said, getting even more attention from the students around you. “Um, I…” he felt his heart beating a little faster. He didn’t like dragging this much attention to himself and he wanted to ask you to go somewhere a bit more private. But, firstly, he didn’t think you’d like to go anywhere with him until you apologized and secondly, he very much publicly rejected you, so maybe he had to do the same thing. “I wanted to apologize to you” he blurted out.
“Oh, R-Remus, you don’t have to-”
“Yes, I do” he said, getting closer to you and pulling you a little away. “I’m really sorry about the way that I spoke to you” he said. “I’m sorry for assuming that you were just talking to me to get closer to Sirius-”
“Why did you think that?” you asked all of the sudden.
“E-excuse me?”
“Why would you think that the only reason I would talk to you or wanted to spend time with you would be to get closer to someone else?” you asked. “I mean, I thought- I thought we were friends… Is that… um… is that what you think of me?” you asked, sadly.
“What? No!” he assured you. “I don’t- we are friends” he insisted. “I just…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, here it goes” he said, taking a deep breath. “I like you, love” he started. “I really like you. I’ve liked you so much for so long, I’m pretty sure that I’m very much in love with you” he confessed. “But, I never in a million years thought that y-you could like me like that” he said. “I thought that you were only interested in Quidditch because you wanted to see Sirius and I saw him wink at you, so my reasoning was that you liked him because, for some reason every girl in school does, and that would be the logical thing-”
“The logical thing would be for me to like Sirius?”
“Well, yes” he said as if it was obvious.
“Why?”
“Why would you have any interest in spending time with me then?”
“Because I like you, you big idiot!” you blurted out, frustrated.
“Y-you do?”
“Yes! I figured Sirius might have told you by now, or you might have heard it from the entire school who apparently knows and you’re the only one who’s still oblivious to it!”
“Well, to be honest, Sirius did say something but, I still wasn’t entirely sure that it was true-”
“Why, Remus? Why do you think it’s so impossible for me to be in love with you?”
“L-love? Did you just say love?” he asked, smiling.
“I uh-” you said, realizing you just let it slip. “Well, you said it first!”
“Well, yes, because it makes sense for me to be in love with you, but it doesn’t make sense for you to be in love with me!”
“What? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Why?”
“Why? Oh, I don’t know, maybe we should discuss this on the next lunar phase” he said, muttering the last words.
“Oh, Merlin! Really? Is that what this is about?”
“For starters!” he argued. “Trust me, it would make a lot more sense if you liked Sirius! He’s handsome and always laughing, he’s funny and witty-”
“Remus, are you trying to tell me that I should be in love with Sirius? Or that you are in love with Sirius?” you smirked a little.
“That’s not what I meant!” he glared at you. “Look, I just… I never thought that someone like you would ever want to be with… someone like me” he muttered the last part.
“Wow, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?” you chuckled as Remus rolled his eyes.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“Who called you an idiot?”
“Sirius!” he complained.
“Aw” you smiled. “Well, we can be two idiots in love, or you can just reject me again. It’s your move, Lupin” you told him.
Remus bit his bottom lip, trying to prevent his smirk from getting bigger. He walked closer to you and gently pulled you closer to him by your waist before he leaned down to press his lips against yours. You suddenly dropped all the candy you had in your hands and you quickly wrapped your arms around his shoulders.
“I choose two idiots in love” he smiled before kissing you once more.
“Good answer, Lupin” you smiled.
“Oh, I also wanted to ask” he said, grabbing your sweets and placing them in a basket. “If you’re not too busy if you… wanted to go on a date with me?”
“Well, I told Dorcas and Marlene I would go to the Three Broomsticks-”
“Yes, they are all waiting for us to get there” he informed you.
“Oh, okay, so that’s a no on the Three Broomsticks then” you said, as you walked over to pay for your things.
“I think that’s for the best” he smiled.
“Well then, it looks like my day is free” you said, as Remus held your hand when you walked out of Honeydukes.
He pulled you back a little and kissed you once more. “I really am sorry, love” he smiled.
“I know you are, Rem” you smiled back at him.
“So, does this mean you’ll keep me company on Quidditch matches?”
“If you’re there, I guess I can be there” you smiled as he kissed you again, neither of you noticing your group of friends looking at the two of you from the window at the pub across the street.
“Fucking finally” Sirius muttered, bumping Alice’s fist.
The End
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A/N: hope you loves like it! Charlie's coming up next!
#marauders#marauders imagine#remus lupn#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin oneshot
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A full transcribe of MARCUS PIKE'S dialogue/lines from the TV show THE MENTALIST
Includes full dialogue, and dialogue from any deleted/additional scenes available.
I've created this as a point of reference when writing for Pedro's characters, and I hope you find it useful. Even if you just want to read the dialogue. 🖤
FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE
☝🏻Dialogue has been fully transcribed by myself using reference to original scripts (if available), audio subtitles and using my own two ears. Therefore, mistakes can be made, however I have tried to be as fully accurate as I can. If you spot an obvious mistake, please kindly let me know. Where audio is not clear, I have marked with *inaudible* Scenes are separated for ease of reference.
FULL SCRIPT DIALOGUE: (ALL EPISODES - MARCUS WAS IN 6 EPISODES IN SEASON 6 AND 1 EPISODE IN SEASON 7)
EP 16, S6 VIOLETS
Mrs Hennigan, why was your husband trying to save this painting in particular?
We’ll do our best to get it back for you.
I’m special agent Marcus Pike, this is agent Searles. You’re… Patrick Jane, right? Abbot’s guy?
What makes you say that?
Sure. I’ve heard good things about you. We’d be happy to have your input. These guys, they’re… they’re really good. And our cases don’t usually lead to homicide.
__________________
Art thieves used to be about sneaking. Night time break-ins. Not anymore. The new generation prefers guns. This guy is the leader. He does the talking, runs the show. But until yesterday morning, he’s never killed anybody. They’ve done about six jobs between Dallas and Phoenix in the last two years, taking down about one hundred million worth in art and artefacts.
Stolen art can take a long time to sell. So our guess is they’re sitting on a lot of the art, including the paintings from yesterday's heist.
Well, they’ve only slipped up once. We found a glove a few blocks from a gallery they robbed in Phoenix. We managed to get a partial print and we got a hit. Aaron Polaski. Time for armed robbery and battery, he’s also the former middleweight boxing champ at Fulsom prison.
Yeah, we brought him in for questioning but he lawyered up quick and told the CIP. These guys are pros.
We do, but nothings popped. Doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He hangs out a lot at a bar on sixth street.
So, how do we do that?
I don’t know what any of that means.
__________________
I always feel a little bit like Aladdin right here.
It’s stolen.
Sometimes we just get part of a haul. We sit on the art so the crooks don’t know we have a lead and we keep it here while we investigate the rest of it.
Well, we keep a pretty tight lid. Our own secret museum.
No. Just, once or twice…
Well, I-I don’t wanna second guess you, Mr Jane, but if you wanna use these paintings as bait, the guy running this crew knows a lot about art, he’ll know this stuff is stolen.
__________________
We ready?
What the hell’s that?
He asked him for some napkins, so?
__________________
No, he's gonna do it… watch.
There you go.
__________________
Pass the rice, please.
It’s a drug forfeiture. On loan from the DEA. So, what’s the story with Jane and Lisbon?
No, I mean are they in a relationship? A couple?
It’s going good. You got a nice red cross.
Yeah.
__________________
This is Pike.
Okay, well, we, uh… we shut down the inside cameras, so you don’t have to worry about any more prying eyes, and just so you know there is someone outside the house, we’re guessing it’s another one of McCabe’s crew.
No, we’ve got eyes on ‘em. Don’t worry. You’re safe. I wouldn’t lie to you.
Well you’re… you were real good.
Well, that’s a shame. There’s a pretty good diner just down the street from you. Biscuits and gravy, if that’s your thing.
Alright, well what about pancakes?
They have about six kinds; chocolate chip, banana, all that good stuff.
Maybe, just a… little bit. I can have some sent over to you.
No, you’re right I won’t tease you anymore. I won’t even mention the waffles.
Right, well I don’t know what a canape is, but bon appetit. Goodnight, Lisbon.
__________________
This is the part I don’t understand; we’re not gonna rob the museum?
Why not? I mean, he robs the paintings from the museum, we catch them red handed, case closed. We all go home.
Then why is he at the museum with Jane?
__________________
How is it?
You probably like that Chicago style stuff, right?
Hmm… I'm not really in the mood for pizza. You know what sounds good? Those pancakes we were talking about before.
Do you wanna go?
Yeah. Dinner is the best time for breakfast. What do you say?
Look, if you don’t wanna go, just say so. We’re cool. It’s good, but I like you, and I think you’re a hell of a good looking woman and I’d love to get to know you better.
Let’s go.
__________________
Uh… well, uh… Y-you-
__________________
EP 18 S6 FOREST GREEN
Hey.
Coffee?
I made you breakfast.
Well when there’s a guest, I like to make a fuss.
Yeah?
It’s just work stuff. Listen, I was wondering if we could get dinner tonight? Or… is that weird because we went out last night? Is-is two nights in a row weird?
Okay, good. I’ll make a reservation.
Well, like I said, I like to make a fuss.
Yeah.
__________________
I came looking for you, but they said you’re still in the woods. I’m disappointed.
No problem. What’s holding you up?
Have your people tried accessing a forestry satellite? They’re imaging that area all the time looking for fire outbreaks.
I used one once to find a guy who was running with some stolen Frederick Remmingtons.
Bye.
__________________
No, it’s okay. I took another girl out to dinner last night instead.
Yeah.
Gladys. Eg-Eg-Egbert.
It’s the best I could do in the spur of the moment.
Oh, well, I’m glad. I’m a lousy liar, so you’re right. Actually, there’s uh, something I wanted to tell you.
That work stuff, it’s actually a promotion. The Bureau is forming a task force to deal with international art theft. It’ll be working with Scotland Yard and a few other agencies. Long story short, they, uh, they-they want me to run it. Yeah, but they want me to run it from DC.
So, I’m telling them no.
Well, I’m allowed.
I’m not a kid. I’ve been married and divorced. I know when something’s real. And when it could get serious. I feel that way about us. Do you… feel that way?
Look, one thing I know is that when you feel that way about someone, you gotta hang on ‘cause… because it doesn't happen very often.
I know. It’s okay.
What if you came with me?
I’m asking what if we went to DC, you and me, together? What do you think of that, Teresa?
__________________
EP 19 S6 BROWN EYED GIRLS
You fell asleep.
So listen, urm… turns out my old band’s playing a gig downtown tonight. Do you wanna go?
I never told you I was in a band?
Bass. Vocals.
Yeah?
Okay then. We need a cab.
Was that “do you like butter with your popcorn” or “will you come with me to DC?”
I understand, a hundred per cent. Take your time, there’s no deadline.
You’re welcome.
Go ahead.
__________________
I got some Thai from that place over on South Congress.
I know.
Not really, I have an ulterior motive. Just trying to make DC look attractive.
Yeah… yeah…
__________________
Hey.
Guess what? That show we missed the other night. They’re playing another one in forty-five minutes, we can catch it if… if you guys are done?
See ya, Patrick.
__________________
Am I interrupting?
I heard about your grand jury. I’m pulling for you. But I think you did what any good father and husband would do.
__________________
EP 20 S6 II TOVOLO BIANCO
Oh. Oh look, Casablanca’s on. “Here’s looking at you, kid.” You know Bogart made that line up? It wasn’t in the script.
What? Are you serious?
This is not an old movie! This is a classic, you gotta watch this. You’re gonna love it.
Is everything okay?
Well, Teresa, I may not be able to read minds like Jane, but even I can tell when something’s going on.
Do you wanna talk about it?
Just wanna say that I know that moving to DC is a big thing and it might raise issues you don’t feel totally comfortable talking to me about, but I just want you to know it’s okay. You go through whatever process you need to, just… let me know when you make a decision. I’ll be here.
Well, various things, but basically it’s a love story about a woman who has to choose between two men. There’s also a baseball game on.
Yeah, let’s do that.
__________________
Jane?
Yeah. Teresa! It’s, uh… It’s Jane…
__________________
EP 21 S6 BLACK HEARTS
So… what are you thinking?
Well, Abbot’s right, it’s a great job. And Don’s the best.
Look, Teresa. I’ve been patient. But… I kind of went out on a limb for you. Pushed Don to pass on other candidates so that I could have you with me in DC. I mean, I know it’s a big decision, but it’s a decision you need to make.
__________________
There you are. Ready to go?
Look, about, uh, DC. I know it’s a lot to take in and I didn’t mean to pressure you.
Yeah, I did. Maybe a little. But, it’s your life and… I just wanna be a part of it.
Are you sure?
Wow…. wow, I wish we were somewhere more romantic, but… but what the hell. Will you marry me?
Don’t freak out.
I know, I know. You need time to think about it.
There’s no pressure, okay?
You’re a tough date. Have you told Jane that you’re leaving yet?
Oh. He’ll understand.
I’ll be downstairs.
__________________
EP 22 S6 BLUE BIRD
Hey, sweetheart, How are ya?
Yes!
Okay. Alright, alright. Text me your flight information and I’ll be there. Teresa, it’s gonna be great, you’re gonna love the neighbourhood. It’s-it’s full of restaurants, your favourite kind, I got a number to an excellent… (fades out)
__________________
EP 1 S7 NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES
Jane.
I was, uh, looking for Teresa.
Yeah, she probably is.
It’s for an undercover thing. So, it’s, uh… you and her.
I know. I know that. So do you have a plan?
Well, I was offering her a life. A home, a family if she wanted one. A future. Have you thought about any of that?
Well, what are you offering her? I mean, other than Patrick Jane?
Well I was upstairs, giving a deposition. I thought I would say hi. Stupid idea.
Anyway, It’s good to see you, Teresa.
Jane.
__________________
FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE
#pedro pascal#marcus pike#pedro pascal characters#marcus pike the mentalist#the mentalist#PPCU#marcus pike dialogue
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J&W S01E04 “The Hunger Strike”
Adapted from: Right Ho, Jeeves
Jeeves telling Aunt Dahlia that Bertie was up late because he had a business meeting as if anybody would ever believe that in a million billion years, let alone Bertie’s good and deserving aunt who knows him so well
At first I kind of thought Hugh Laurie’s acting was a little too over the top and goofy (Bertie is a silly guy, but he’s still more grounded in reality than most of the characters he surrounds himself with and at least attempts to seem dignified)
But on thinking about it a bit more I can see why an actor would play it like that. Book!Bertie does often have a marked quality of affectedness when he’s trying to pass himself off as more nonchalant or confident or worldly than he actually is (e.g. laughing down from lazy eyelids and flicking a speck of dust from the irreproachable Mechlin lace at his wrists like a bird in one of those historical novels).
This hit me when show!Bertie told Aunt Dahlia he was laughing derisively (this happens in the book too). Of course our boy has to explain that he’s being derisive. He probably read a pulp historical novel where the hero laughed derisively and has been daydreaming about looking that cool ever since
His expressions while Aunt D is telling the shark story are more realistically downplayed, so I’m leaning toward calling the previous over-emoting a legitimate acting choice
Watching Jeeves put the flower in Bertie’s buttonhole reminds me of that fanart that’s like “the inherent homoeroticism of being a man’s valet”
Some of the hilarious dialogue from the “life would be simpler if we were newts” sequence was cut for time, but the show makes up for it by having Gussie actually demonstrate the newt mating display
It’s lucky Bertie is so chatty, because some of the narration we’re missing from the books can be added back in via small talk with Jeeves
Stephen Fry’s withering stare and delivery of “very good, sir” when Bertie reveals he brought the mess jacket himself are A++
“I say, Jeeves, I’ve just had another thought.” “Oh, I am relieved, sir.”
Bertie looks very cute in the white mess jacket, but when you actually have a visual image of it, you can understand why Jeeves disapproves. They also explain the issue that that style of jacket is associated with service workers, which is something I had to find by looking up when I was reading the book because Plum presumably thought the jacket’s inappropriateness would be self-explanatory to his contemporary readers
Not being bound to strict Bertie POV allows the episode to actually show Anatole reacting throughout the meal as people send their food back, which is great
It’s a shame they left out the line where Bertie advises Gussie to say something to Madeline about the sunset and gives an example of something Jeeves said to him
I really like the physicality Hugh Laurie brings to Bertie, always moving and shifting positions. Getting up from the bench he’s sitting on, walking around it, leaning over to talk and then climbing up to sit on top of it. Fidgety, restless energy. ADHD king ❤️
Being able to have Madeline say “that dumb, yearning look in your eyes” and cut to Bertie demonstrating said (decidedly non-yearning) look is one of the biggest advantages of the visual medium
THERE are those Quorn-and-Pytchley-cultivated pipes we heard so much about in the books. When this version of Aunt Dahlia is called on to shout, boy can she deliver
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The writing advice on Tumblr tends to be very limited
and not super accurate, in my opinion.
Which is a decent opinion, given that I have written over a hundred books, sold over a million copies, and made a living as an author for about a decade.
I see a lot of “do this” and “don’t do this” bestowed upon authors with the tone of religious decree, which makes me think this is probably coming from people who are fairly absolutist in thinking, and maybe not as experienced as someone I prefer to take writing advice from.
There are zero writing rules which are broadly applicable and always true.
Even if you intend to cohere to Modern Best Practices, advice SHOULD change based upon what genre you’re writing in, what platforms you publish upon, your intended readership, etcetera. I have not yet seen writing advice on Tumblr that acknowledges its limitations and specificity in this way.
My almost-universal advice:
Write deliberately.
I mean, if you are already looking for writing advice, you are not slapping shit out thoughtlessly. (This can be a very fun practice too.)
But maybe you think “I shouldn’t use dialogue tags besides said/asked” or “I shouldn’t slow down the narrative with too much exposition” or “I should use fewer adverbs” because this is advice you read somewhere, and someone said it with a lot of authority. Maybe you have heard it from a hundred people so now it sounds universal.
So you’re writing based on someone else’s expectations, mostly.
“Fuck that shit, throw it out the window.” -New York Times Bestselling Author and Tumblr User SM Reine
I’ve been reading Books About Writing for thirty years. I have read Books About Writing (fiction, television, etc) going back even longer. And the advice is not consistent within, say, a fifty year time frame, either.
Writing advice that is Commonly Considered Correct is still so very much a product of our present place in time and culture. It wasn’t true a hundred years ago. It won’t be true a hundred years from now. So many things we take for granted about storytelling are just modern Western story conventions!
Indeed, the American Central Intelligence Service is known to have interfered with modern writing standards.
What if society has been lying to you about what/how you should write, in just the same way that society lies to us about our options for gender?
What would you write if you had no expectations about what it should look like?
Now you are in a spaghetti nonsense world of creativity where nothing makes sense and nobody can tell you anything. You don’t have to have a protagonist. Or an antagonist. Or a plot. You can dedicate six out of twenty chapters to historic whaling practices. Every page can be about a different character with unconnected events.
You can do anything.
So Write Deliberately.
Ask yourself some questions:
What do I want to say?
What experience should readers have with this book?
Who are my readers?
Does this need to make money?
If you want to say something about historical whaling, and you want readers to have a contemplative experience with a book, then hell yeah put in all the exposition you want, baby.
Deliberately consider your adjectives, your dialogue tags, your exposition levels, and do what is right for the project. Even if it’s not conventional.
Does this need to make money, though?
We already know that many more stories are written than are ever published-for-sale, by an order of magnitudes. If you’re not here working a job, then I also urge you to think of yourself as your reader, and only you.
I urge you to look at yourself, your tastes, and your very specific scenario in order to carve out a book.
For the record, YES! I am giving you permission to write things that are completely incoherent to readers. Things that are only personally meaningful. I’m giving you permission to break every single rule, if that’s what services the story you want to tell.
In any case, when I set out to break every rule and Write For Myself, I still tend to produce something that is more readable than I expected and far more distinctive than I might have created if I created from a place of boundaries.
I’m telling you to shoot for the moon, push every boundary, and write a story that feels so much like your story that you radiate off the pages.
Even this advice isn’t universal, honestly.
If you’re writing for a hobby, if you’re learning to write, if you’re Writing for Art, I think this is lovely advice. Obviously. I just gave it.
If you’re writing to pay the bills, you need to write to market. And that’s a wholly different set of advice that I prefer not to give. Even so: in writing to market, you will ALSO need to ignore most Tumblr Writing Advice and look almost exclusively at your comps.
This has been your neighborhood grumpy old writer’s rant of the day.
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An Introduction
~Hello Lovelies~
Stop me if you’ve heard this before:
You’re a young(ish), starry-eyed writer whose mind is filled to the brim with stories. You treat characters as thought children and spend hours daydreaming their imaginative lives; their hopes and dreams; all the challenges they’ll face. You know once you put pen to paper, your books will fly off the shelves. You may not be the next Stephen King, but you know you can garner a small group of fans at least. Someone, somewhere, is bound to be interested. And you have so many ideas! One of them will surely be a hit, right?!
But which one? And where do you start?
Well, if you’re anything like me… You might never start at all. Sure, you may have a couple hundred notebooks full of ideas and a few bare-boned chapters written, but you haven’t quite found time to finish any works-in-progress yet.
Or maybe you’ve gotten through half a manuscript already. But something’s… off about it.
The dialogue’s just not flowing right. That fight scene feels clunky. This isn’t how you pictured the villain at all! She’s the main character; why is she so BORING?! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO FIX THIS PLOT HOLE?! WHY ARE THERE MORE OF THEM??!!!
*Ahem*
Needless to say, I get it. Wanting to be a writer and actually writing are two very different things. It doesn’t matter how many ideas your clever little mind can produce. You have to be able to follow through with them if you want any form of success.
But, I’m getting ahead of myself. This is supposed to be an introduction, after all.
My name is C.C. Albert. At least, that’s my pen name… Or will be. When- and if- I get published.
To be completely honest, I don’t know if it’s right to call myself a “writer” when it’s been literal ages since I’ve worked on any of my story ideas. All my WIPs are currently scattered across the net. Rotting in Google Docs without endings. Gathering dust on fanfiction sites.
But, I still want to publish something. I think I’d make a pretty decent author. Or maybe even an editor.
So, what’s stopping me? I could think of a few excuses, but it all boils down to one thing:
I am a hardcore procrastinator. Which doesn’t make for a very good author, let alone a successful one. And I want to change that.
I want to call myself a writer- an author- without saying that’s what I aspire to be. I want others to read my stories and be inspired or, at the very least, entertained. I want to make a career out of what I consider being one of my better talents. I don’t need to be a bestseller or make millions of dollars; I have no illusions about being famous.
What I really want is to say that I did it.
I wrote a fucking book!
Which brings me to this blog and why I’m writing it. I’ve been toying with the idea (for over two years) of starting a blog for writers like me. Writers who may skirt the edge of being lazy, but who really just need advice on how to tackle that one fight scene or the encouragement to get through that next chapter. Or who maybe just need to see (and laugh at) someone else struggling with the same issues they’ve been dealing with.
And so, with that in mind, I now present my blog!
“Writing and the Art of Procrastination.”
Let’s get to work~
P.S. As the title suggests, I wouldn’t expect much in the way of regular posts. The plan is to have something put up every month, but I do not keep very well to a schedule. I will try to be consistent. I make no promises.
#writing and the art of procrastination#writing blog#introduction#aspiring author#lazy writer#need to finish a WIP#authorblr#semi-writing-advice#anecdotes#ccalbert#writeblr#writers on tumblr
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Is Sambucky Canon or Not?
TL;DR: Yes, it is
I've seen some people saying that they only see friendship between Sam and Bucky, and I can understand that. Because depending on your education, the environment you grew up and the kind of media you’re usually exposed to, you will have a different interpretation of different situations, in real life or in TV.
Just let me insert a short story before I dive into the Sambucky topic:
My best friend's uncle is in his fifties and has been living with his roommate (a man) for more than 10 years. They lived together, went on holidays together but officially were just roommates. My best friend wondered if they were a couple, but never talked about it to her parents because it wasn't her business.
Two years ago, they decided to come out and get married. My best friend's parents and his parents were genuinely surprised, they were not expecting that, at all, not even a little bit. Let me tell you that it didn’t even cross their mind that it was a possibility, at all.
For them, it had always just been two men who had decided to live together because they were single. And preferred to have a roommate rather than living alone.
What I want to say with this story is that people will see what they want to see, or what they're used to see, or what they were raised to see. It’s human.
What I mean is that you will have different perception of a same event, depending on your own circumstances. And I think the writers of TFATWS were counting on that a little bit when it came to Sam and Bucky’s relationship. They obviously didn't want to make some big announcement or big love declaration.
And yes, of course, I have my own circumstances as well, influencing the way I see things.
I have shipped SamBucky since Civil War, when they were supposedly enemies. I never expected anything to happen between them on screen. But then they got a show together and I was so so happy about it but I didn't expect anything other than friendship between them.
I was perfectly fine with that because a show was already more than enough: my man Sam Wilson was becoming Captain America, the show was great, the characters were great, their interactions were great, and this wasn't a love story anyway but a superhero show. I thought that here was no way the showrunners would ever go there.
I changed my mind after episode 5. I tried to stay objective, but it was clear to me that the writers were hinting at a relationship that went beyond friendship between Sam and Bucky.
In some of my previous posts, I explained that there are some scenes and writing choices that make absolutely no sense if you read them as a scene between two friends. I can link them if anyone’s interested.
Side note: I would like to know if one person on this website can tell me what was up with Bucky's behavior with Torres (in episode 5)? What other explanation is there, if not jealousy? It's a scene they chose to keep, so it was probably written this way, there must be a reason. Please I’m begging someone explain it to me. I'm genuinely asking, because otherwise that scene alone is canon Sambucky.
After episode 5, I was convinced they would make Sambucky canon, one way or the other and I started speculating about the ways they could do it.
What I said was that if they did make Sambucky canon, they would do it in a very subtle way, in order not to make it too obvious because that’s generally how Marvel movies deal with love stories. And also because they wouldn’t want to scare away their homophobic audience ( I guess Disney needs their money...who knows)
So here are the scenes of how I imagined SamBucky becoming canon and the comparison with reality:
1.
- What I thought we could get : AJ and Cass calling Bucky "Uncle Bucky"
- What we got: AJ and Cass running up to Bucky and playing with him.
This point is interesting because it’s also related to the point I made about how the environment you grew up in influences your perception of things. I grew up in a big family and I know that, at least in my family, kids don't run up to an adult like that just because it's their uncle’s friend or just because he's nice... There's a real bond there. They haven't seen Bucky just that one time when he slept on the couch. They're obviously close. But some people might just see this as kids being kids. Also, if you watch at how the kids were fake punching him, they were really coordinated with Bucky. They have done this plenty of times.
2.
What I thought we could see: A non-explicit scene where we were supposed to draw our own conclusions. I thought they could show us Bucky staying over for the night, and the last scene would be an empty couch, meaning we would have to understand that Bucky slept in Sam's room this time.
-What we got: Bucky arriving in Sam's car ( A few people on Tumblr pointed out that it was the car Sam was driving in episode 1)
So here again we have a scene that a lot of people will not notice. But they still chose to put it there.
3.
What I thought could happen: Sam asking Bucky to stay in Delacroix
What we got: Bucky wrapping things up in New York, as if he was leaving the city for good and coming to Sam's party as if he already knew everyone there. You can read my take on this here.
4.
What I thought could happen: The scene in the trailer where we see them looking in the same direction and then we get a shot from very far away where they're holding hands but it’s not so obvious because they are being filmed from a disctance.
-What we got: The scene in trailer and then a blurry shot of Sam holding Bucky and then fondling with his neck to find the best spot to rest his hand on.
So none of the scenes I was imagining happened exactly like I had imagined, but it felt like all of them happened but in a different versions, which is still crazy to me.
If it had been only one scene. I could probably understand the people who see them as just friends. Actually, I still do understand the people who see them as just friends, because everyone has their own interpretation. What I am saying is that they are NOT being portrayed as just friends.
There are TOO many scenes in the 6 episodes for it to be a coincidence. One or 2 would be ok but friendship doesn’t explain everything:
The therapy scene (not the therapy scene itself since it was improvised) but the therapist saying she had heard a lot about Sam and wanting them to do a couples’ therapy
Bucky following Sam no matter what
Sam saying ok as soon as Bucky says "do it for me"
Sam asking "what about Bucky?"
Bucky starting to touch Sam whenever he has the chance
Bucky being the one to bringing the suit for Sam
The boat repairing montage
Bucky wanting to stay at Sam's place, when a hotel room would have been more comfortable than a couch
The second day of boat repair in closed quarters with an intense staring scene.
And there are so many other scenes, soft touches, looks,...
These writing choices are not a coincidence, it’s not involuntary, and it’s not fan service ( Fan service is the roll in the flower field scene, or the therapy session). This is them telling a story.
Let’s not even talk about the scenes in Endgame:
Sam comforting bucky at Tony’s funeral
Sam looking up to Bucky for approval before accepting the shield from Steve.
So yes, Sam and Bucky are canon in the sense that Peter and Gamora were canon in the first movie, or Wanda and Vision were canon in Captain Civil War. Meaning that there was no big moment, kiss or anything, but the show is consistently throwing elements clearly showing Sam and Bucky as a romantic item and hinting at a lot more than friendship between them.
It is normal that some people have a different opinion. Because it is extremely rare, in big productions like this to have two male leads with romantic feelings towards each other, so not a lot people who see it will interpret it as such (I don't think it ever happened). You’ll see what you’re used to seeing.
I guess it also depends on what you expect from a love story. For me, the storyline between the characters, their scenes, their chemistry, the way their feelings towards each other are described, are the most important. The kiss scene is just there as a bonus, but I don't need it when the love story is told perfectly. If you’re used to seeing love stories with many kissing scenes, that’s what you will be expecting to see in most love stories.
If you're only used to seeing male friendships in superhero or action movies. The 1000th time you see men interacting in that type of movie or show, you are more likely to assume it is a friendship and nothing more, no matter how many codes and tropes usually associated with romantic movies, the writers and show makers are using.
Add to that the conviction that Disney would never approve Sambucky in a million years, and there you go, I can understand the people who see only friendship.
But, just think about it, if we had the same show, same scenes, same dialogues, but minus the action scenes and the project was being marketed as an Indie movie, would you think they were just friends or a blossoming couple?
If you read Sambucky’s relationship like a friendship: some scenes don't make sense. If you read it like a developing romantic relationship: it all makes sense.
"When you hear hoofs, think horse, not zebra"
If a writer or a film director chooses a last scene with a romantic setting and the two leads are staring at a sunset, smiling repeatedly at each other and then walking away together with one of them touching the other's neck, with a love song in the background, maybe friendship isn't the first thought they had in mind.
Some people may say “I see them as just friends” and other people may say “ I see them as lovers” and both are fine, because people have different perceptions, and that’s ok.
What I am saying is this post is that the show and the writers are portraying them as more than just friends, they’re portraying them as two characters who are romantically involved.
Perceive what you want but that’s how they are being presented in the show.
Bucky’s therapist said that the exercise she gave them was for couples who want to figure out what kind of life they want to build together. Then, the show ends with Sam and Bucky, staring at a sunset together, looking in the same direction.
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. “ - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
What else do you need???
This show had more romance than half of the Marvel projects out there. Not every love story needs a kiss (for now...)
We'll see in their next projects which direction the writers want to go with this. But since it was said that the writer on the movie is the same as the writer from episode 5, there's no doubt in my mind that we'll keep seeing this dynamic.
I don't think they would have made the same choices if this had been a movie. But I won't complain that we got this.
I hope they keep this going even if it stays subtle like in the show. Just hope they will add one explicit scene where one of the characters acknowledges their relationship. But even if we only ever get this show, it’s already a great love story.
Let me know what you guys think and sorry for the typos and grammar mistakes, I was tired when I wrote the last part. I hope it still makes sense!
If you think they're only being portrayed as friends let me know why! I would also like to know about the way you see this!
#sambucky#sam wilson#bucky barnes#tfatws#the falcon and the winter soldier#tfatws spoilers#Please feel free to comment on this and tell me what you think#I'm genuinely interested in having other POVs
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Requiem
Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Stark!Reader
Word Count: 5,572
Summary:
Notes: I changed a bit about Civil War-- like the Reader lives in the Tower instead of the Compound. I also changed a bit about how everything went down-- it’s been a while since I’ve seen Civil War. So please don’t be too mad about those changes.
Warnings: Angst.
Dialogue Prompts: “You’re making me think that what they told me about you was right.” // “I don’t know who you are anymore.”
The soothing melody of music swarmed around you. The smooth ivory keys of the piano were cool against your fingertips. A stark contrast to the whiskey burning its way down your throat every time you paused. The calming melody being replaced by the clinking of ice against the glass; something that reminded you of your father. A comparison that brought an even darker cloud over your head.
Like father, like daughter, your mind purrs.
Clenching your teeth, you slam your glass against the smooth surface of the piano. An acidic feeling working its way up until you were able to force it back down. The action causes tears to form in your eyes and pain to flare through your chest. Images of memories long suppressed flashing through your mind as you stood. Your gait stumbled ever-so-slightly as you made your way towards the large couch in the center of the room.
You wished for nothing more than to have the memories stop. To have the past twenty-four hours erased from your mind. To go back to a time when your team, your family, was still whole; severely damaged but whole. Where you didn’t know that the people you trusted had kept something so crucial from you. From Tony. Back to a time where the image of your older brother’s haunted face wasn’t seared into your brain-- where his bright brown eyes weren’t dimmed to a hollow black.
Back to a time when your heart was whole. Where you didn’t second guess everything that had happened for the past six years of your life.
The Day Prior….
A smile pulls at your lips as you hum a soft tune against the oppressive silence of the Tower. Wanting to fill a normally joyous environment with its usual cheer. Anything to offset the darkness that had been consuming all the light that had finally worked its way into your life.
The inviting aroma of the pasta sauce wafts through your nose. A warm feeling blossoming in your chest at the memories, and the feelings, it invokes within you. It was a recipe that your dear Brucey had imparted onto you after another failed attempt by your brother to make dinner. It seemed that for all his brains, Tony couldn’t figure out how to work a stove even if his life depended on it.
Even though he could probably make one in his sleep.
You held hope that your brother would be returning today. You knew how much the Accords, and the subsequent battles, were affecting him. His already fucked up sleeping schedule became almost nonexistent. Not to mention his new diet consisting solely of leftover pizza and coffee. Hopefully a nice home cooked meal would do him some good. You also held hope that your long term girlfriend, Natasha, would be joining your brother on his return. You didn’t truly know everything that was going on with the so-called ‘Civil War’ but you were beyond glad that Natasha wasn’t on the opposite side of it. You didn’t know what you would do if you lost her too.
You still couldn’t comprehend that Steve, your Capsicle, was no longer part of the Avengers-- at least the version that the public would rally behind. Couldn’t believe that Clint had so easily followed behind him without a second glance back. That Wanda, despite all of her misgivings about your last name, would leave you too. You knew that the Accords were demanding many things from the heroes, although you didn't know the extent of everything, you didn’t see the reason for the battles that had risen because of them. Not when amendments and other legalities could still surface in the wake of such a document coming into fruition.
You understood, in part, how Steve must feel having such restrictions appear. Flashing him back to a time that you had only read in history books and heard from the drunken ramblings of your father. Where if the rules weren’t followed there would be dire consequences. You also understood that Steve wanted to protect his friend from such restrictions-- you just couldn’t understand how a man that followed various rules like they were God’s words themselves could be so flippant about something so important. Could be so callous to the wishes of millions of people and their representatives. It wasn’t the forties anymore, Steve had to come to terms with that. The world wasn’t what it used to be.
At the first sign of Steve’s rejection to the Accords, you had hoped that Tony would be able to talk him into it. Would be able to stop the conflict before it even had the chance to rise. All that hope had flown out the window after the airport. After Rhodey, your beloved wombat, had gotten crippled you knew that nothing would ever be the same again. That nothing could fix the wound that had been inflicted on Tony’s already battered heart because of it.
An event that only became that much worse because you had only been able to catch glimpses of Natasha. Seeing her briefly in the hallway of the hospital with a dark look painted on her face. You had tried to approach her but she had vanished before you even got half-way. The next, and last, time you had seen her she was speaking with Tony. An exchange that didn’t look to be on the friendliest of terms. Yet another fact that you couldn’t comprehend. As their relationship, although starting off rough, blossomed after you began dating. An understanding growing between them that you were the glue that held them together. Friendship growing from that shared bond like flowers blossoming amongst the weeds at last. Witnessing such an exchange had shocked you but you still held hope that it was simply the ramifications of the battle-- having Steve and the rest of the rogues escape must have stung. Not to mention Rhodey’s injuries pouring salt into an already gaping wound.
Your hope was the only thing getting you through.
The smell of burning tomatoes fills your nose causing you to blanche. Your brow furrowing in surprise at the unexpected smell before, with muttered curses, you realize what you had done. As quickly as you were able to, you turned the burner off and brought the pot to the sink-- wherein you dumped it unceremoniously. A petulant frown making its way across your face at the sight.
Shaking your head, you grab a hand towel and make your way around the kitchen. You knew that Tony wasn’t the pickiest of eaters but you had wanted to make his homecoming meal special. Naked pasta didn’t really get that feeling across. At least I tried.
“I guess Tony isn’t the only one who’s been frazzled by all of this,” you mutter as you toss the towel onto the counter.
“You’re still using words like frazzled, Y/N?”
The unexpected response causes you to jump in surprise. Your heart leaping in your throat as you saw the shadowed figure of your brother standing in the precipice of the room. A grin pulling at your lips at the sight.
“Yes, Anthony, I do,” you reply. “At least when I believe that you’re not around.”
“I’m hurt, Y/N/N,” Tony cries with faux hurt in his tone. His hands coming to grasp his chest with an exaggerated air. At the movement, however, you notice how stiff his movements were. Your eyes narrow as you take in his entire figure again. Noticing the slouched posture and the almost defeated air that surrounded him.
Taking a worried step forward, you couldn’t stop the fear that interlaced itself within your tone. “Tony, what happened?”
“I lost.”
If it was possible you could feel even more fear work its way through your body. Tony never admitted defeat, not since your father was alive, he felt like it was a sign of weakness. While it could get annoying at times you know that Tony didn’t mean anything malicious by it. Hearing the words fall from his lips without a hint of resistance?
It filled you with a sense of dread you hadn’t felt since the day you learned about your parents.
And when Tony finally stepped from the shadows?
It brought you back to the moment that he had told you. His body caving in on itself as he tried to hide from the world. His bright, intelligent, brown eyes turning black with the various emotions that ran through his mind. His smiling, jovial, face turning serious and grim. A contrast that you don’t think you would ever be able to stomach. You knew that Tony could be serious, when he wanted to be, but seeing him so broken? Empty? That was something you don’t think you could ever witness without feeling your own heart break because of it.
All of that combined with the bruises? You could already feel the oncoming panic before it even began.
Rushing towards your brother, you gently take his face into your hands-- noticing his slight flinch as you did so. Pressing your lips into a thin line, you gently stroke your thumb across his cheekbone.
“What the hell happened, Tony?”
Your question causes Tony to pause. As if he didn’t know what to tell you-- or how much to tell you. At the expression, your grip tightens ever-so-slightly.
“Don’t beat around the bush, Tony. Tell me what the hell happened.” You pause as an unsettled feeling wells within you. “Did Steve do this to you?”
“Y/N/N,” Tony sighs with a soft look appearing on his face. His eyes trying to desperately tell you what he couldn’t voice. What he didn’t want to voice. Without thinking you take a staggered step away from him. Your hand flying to your mouth as you try to keep your tears at bay. Not believing that man you trusted would be able to do something like this.
“Ho-” You clear your throat as the words get stuck. “How did this happen, Tony? Where was Natasha in all of this? How could she have let this happen? How could your team let this happen?”
“It wasn’t supposed to escalate,” he murmurs as he takes your hands into his. His eyes imploring you to understand. “I went to talk to Rogers and Barnes. I wanted to stop the incessant battles and finally come back together as a team. As a family.”
You take one of his bruised hands in yours. “You’re not a violent man, Tony. Not more than any of the others.” You shake your head. “Something must have happened for it to escalate to such a degree. Especially if you went there to just talk.”
Tony stiffens. “I don’t think you want to continue this conversation, Y/N.”
“Yes, I do. I want to know how a man that praises himself on his honor could attack you in such a way. I want to know what caused you to fight in the first place.” You squeeze Tony’s hand. “I’m not a little girl anymore, Tones. You don’t have to protect me from everything. I’m dating a former KGB agent after all.”
Tony winces at the reminder but you try not to read too much into it. His eyes shifting downwards as he gripped your hand in his. “They didn’t attack me, Y/N/N.” He pauses as he forces himself to continue. To tell you the awful truth of what happened. “I attacked them.”
“What?” You ask with a horrified expression. “Why would you do that?”
He seems to shrink even more because of your tone. “I learned some things. Things that I should have known from the beginning.” His head lowers once more as his voice drops to a whisper. “Things you should have known from the beginning.”
You shake your head as you try to understand. “What could have been so bad that it caused you to attack one of your greatest friends? To do so when you went with the simple understanding of a truce?”
There was a moment of silence.
“I think we need to sit down for this, Y/N.”
Before you could react, Tony was pulling you out of the kitchen and towards the sitting area of the Tower-- the dinner you had made completely forgotten on the island.
You didn’t think you had much of an appetite anyways.
Tugging at your hand, Tony settles on the couch with you at his side. His expressive brown eyes staring into yours as he mulled over his next words.
When the silence became too much, you couldn’t stop the desperate plea that fell from your lips. “Just tell me, Tony. Please.”
He nods, his body straightening and his shoulders stiffening. He looked like a man prepared for battle that didn’t let anything in this world get to him. If it wasn’t for the pained expression on his face you would believe that to be so.
“As you know I went to Siberia to meet with Rogers and Barnes. I wanted to wipe the slate clean between us. To bring both sides back together again. We need to be united if we have any chance of protecting Earth.” Sighing, Tony shakes his head as if to redirect himself. “During the conversation a video began playing.”
“A video?” You question with a small frown furrowing your brow.
“Yes,” Tony murmurs. “A video that was created on December 16, 1991.”
All color drained from your face at the revelation. An almost static buzzing taking over your surroundings as you tried to comprehend what Tony told you. Your eyes watering at the knowledge of what must have been on that video. You didn’t have to hear the rest to know that much. Didn’t have to look farther than Tony’s haunted expression. Or the simple fact of the date you hated more than anything becoming a reality once more. Yet another nightmare working its way into your reality. You just foolishly believed you had finally gotten past this one already.
Closing your eyes, you try to stem the oncoming flow of tears. Your voice coming out strained because of your efforts. “Did he know?”
There was another moment of silence.
“Yes.”
This time you knew your heart had broken-- possibly is much easier to handle than actually. You didn’t want to believe that Steve had kept something from you for so long. Something that he had no right keeping from either you or Tony. Even if it was to protect his friend. You had the right to know what happened to your parents.
At the soft touch to your cheek, you open your eyes to meet Tony’s pained gaze. You knew that Tony had never been close to your father, you hadn’t either, but you knew that Tony never wanted anything bad to happen to him. Much less have anything happen to your mother. Knowing that an accident hadn’t been the cause. Knowing that someone you trusted abetted their murderer. Someone you knew had been connected with each one of Tony’s old teammates in one way or another.
It was a thought that caused your heart to break even more.
“Please tell me it’s not true,” you beg with tears streaming down your cheeks. By the look in Tony’s eyes you knew he understood what you were asking. What you were begging him to not be true. “Please tell me that she didn’t know.” You lower your head as a sob erupts from your mouth. “Please tell me that I didn’t just lose her too.”
Tony wrapping his arms around you was all the answer you needed. Keens falling from your lips as your new reality finally sunk in. Clinging to your brother in the dark with sobs punctuating the silence. Filling the usually joyous space with pain and grief. The darkness finally took over the light.
With your heart irreparably shattered.
And your hope forever crushed.
You had lost track of how long you had stayed in Tony’s arms. Your tears coming and going like tidal waves. The arrival of Pepper hadn’t surprised you in the slightest. You knew that your brother and her had a lot to work through, but you no one could deny the love they held for one another. Nor could you refute the loyalty that Pepper showed to the Stark family. So you weren’t surprised when Tony’s well muscled arms were replaced by slim ones. When his masculine scent was replaced by soothing floral.
You had simply burrowed further into Pepper’s arms and allowed yourself to grieve. Allowed the pain to flow from you like a constant stream. A never ending river that you didn’t know if you could save yourself from drowning in.
However, the refuge you found within Pepper’s embrace was short lived. You knew that you were being selfish by keeping her all to yourself. That you were ignoring Tony’s pain for the sake of your own. A thought that causes your stomach to turn even more. You knew that you had to be by yourself, at least for a little while, so Tony could have his own haven. So Tony could begin to grieve too.
With great effort you had pulled yourself from Pepper’s warmth and gestured towards the silent figure of your brother. You didn’t have to speak to get the message across of where you wanted Pepper to be. You simply stood, fighting back the need to collapse, and began making your way towards the elevator. You knew that the type of comfort Pepper would provide Tony would be quite different from the type she gave you.
Even as you stepped into the elevator and the doors began closing, you could hear the soft murmurs of their voices. The loving lilt you could discern even from the distance you were at. It filled you with a numbing sense of warmth. You had never been more happy for someone being in your life than at that moment. You didn’t want to imagine what would have happened to Tony if he didn’t have Pepper.
Just like you didn’t want to imagine your life without Natasha.
Even though you knew you had to.
It is the reality that you were living in. A nightmare that had finally caught up with you after so long.
As real as the pain in your chest.
As real as the pounding of your skull.
And as real as the glass of whiskey you were going to have to numb it all.
Present….
At the memories, you bury your head into your hands. Trying to stop your heart from breaking even more. There was only so much you could take before you finally lost it. Stifling a groan, you settle back onto the couch and stare at the half empty whiskey decanter situated on the glass table. Wondering if your head, and throat, could take any more of the punishment the amber liquid provided. Your fingers twitching at your sides to pour yourself another glass but you refrained.
You were not about to drown all of your problems with alcohol-- even if you wanted nothing more than to do so.
Letting loose a low groan, you flop your head back against the couch. Your eyes screwing shut as you tried to ignore the growing feeling of numbness that was settling over you. A numbness that was tinged with fire. A feeling that you were beyond scared to feel once more. You hadn��t felt this type of emotion since you had first heard that your parents were dead. Hadn’t felt this growing feeling of anger being off-set by the hollowness of grief in such a long time. You had no idea what to do.
All you did know was that you wanted it to stop.
You wanted it all to stop-- at least for a moment.
Of course, you wouldn’t be a Stark if anything ever went your way. The sound of approaching footsteps rectified that fact. You automatically recognized the graceful gait. A gait that you would only hear if its owner wished you to.
You didn’t know how you felt about that.
Without opening your eyes, you speak. “What do you want Natasha?”
At your words the footsteps disappear, but you knew that she hadn’t stopped moving. Not when you felt a familiar presence settle itself in front of you. Her warmth radiating off of her like a furnace. Something that you would normally relish in. Now it only made you want to get away as fast as you were able.
“Can you open your eyes and look at me, Y/N?”
You almost refused to acknowledge her soft request. Almost turned away from her completely but you couldn’t. Not when she still controlled your heart the way she did. So, with a soft sigh, you open your eyes and are surprised by what you see. Natasha’s green eyes staring at you with tears shimmering within their depths. Her normally luminescent skin a chalky white that caused the dark circles under her eyes to stand out. Her red hair is thrown into a messy bun on the top of her head. It was a sight that caused your heart to lurch-- even if you cursed yourself because of it. Natasha looked tortured. The pain written across her face, her completely open face, a clear indicator.
Pressing your lips into a thin line, you try to figure out what to do. You knew that Natasha still held the reins to your heart. That she more than likely always would. But this betrayal, this deceit, wasn’t something you could just look over. Not like you had done with the whole Natalie Rushman debacle. There were only so many lies you could bear before everything came tumbling down.
“Why are you here?” You finally settle on after another beat of silence. Your question rings out across the expanse of space between you. Your gaze never wavering from her emerald green.
Natasha frowns. “Why do you think I’m here? I’m here to make things right between us.”
You scoff, feeling your anger begin to scorch through your body. “Make things right? Make things right?” You stand as the last part of your statement turns shrill. Your eyes blazing with indignation as you stared down at her. “How the hell do you think you can make things right? After what you did? After what you kept from me?”
Following your lead, Natasha stands and tries to move towards you. An action that you quickly move away from as you move back over towards the piano. At your clear dismissal, Natasha wrings her hands together. An almost panicked look beginning to work its way across her face. “I know, Y/N, I know what I did was wrong, I do, but I thought what I was doing was right. I thought I was protecting my family,” Natasha pleads. “I didn’t think it would escalate like this.”
A sardonic laugh falls from your lips. “Didn’t think?” You shake your head, another laugh erupting from your mouth. “You didn’t think that it would escalate like it has? How else would it have fucking happened? You thought that everything would be all hunky-dory after what you did? Really? You know better than that Natasha. I know you do.”
“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Natasha cries. “I know that I fucked up but I didn’t think Steve would react like this. I didn’t think so many people would have gotten hurt in the process. If I had known I would have never let them go.”
Silence.
Complete and total silence falls over the room at her admission. The same buzzing feeling making its way through your ears as you stare at her. Your brain working overtime to comprehend what Natasha had just admitted to you.
Taking a step back, you stare at her with an appalled expression. “What?”
Natasha, seemingly not understanding your confusion, takes a small step towards you. A frown marring her beautiful face. “I didn’t think letting them go would result in all of this.” She runs a hand through her hair-- destroying the bun she had kept it in. “I didn’t think it would destroy you like this. That it would hurt you the way it has. I’m so sorry, lyubov moya.”
“You let them go?” You ask, needing confirmation. Needing to hear her say it again. “You let them go?”
Lowering her head, Natasha seems to wilt. As if she was finally just realizing that she had said the wrong thing. That the true cause of your misery, at your anger towards her, was still an enigma. “Yes,” she whispers. “I let them go.”
Shaking your head, you take another step away from her, your eyes watering once more at the truth that was so obvious for so long. That you had been blinded from for too long. “I’ve never really known you have I?”
Her head snaps up to stare at you at the question. A horrified expression crossing her face as she finally realized how much damage had been inflicted. Emerald green eyes shining with even more suppressed tears as she begged you to understand. “Of course you know me, Y/N. You’re the only one that has ever truly known me. I’ve given my everything to you. Please tell me how I can fix this. Tell me how I can repair us.”
“There’s no fixing this, Natasha. Rhodey is crippled because of your decision to let the rogues go. Tony’s best friend is crippled because of you. He trusted you, believed in you, and you did this? I know that they’re your family, Natasha, I do. But they were ours too. Did you really think that Tony would let them be second-rate citizens forever? Did you really think that we wouldn’t do everything in our power to protect them?” A self deprecating smile flashes across your face. You already knew that answer to all of them. “Of course you didn’t. You didn’t believe that the egomaniacal Starks could save the day. That we wouldn’t just wait for the easy way out and be done with it.”
“No, lyubov moya,” Natasha denies immediately. “I would never think such things about you or Tony. Not anymore. Not since I’ve been able to see what lies beneath the masks. I could understand Steve’s plight. I knew that no matter what you or Tony did it wouldn’t be enough to save them. That Ross and the others would do everything in their power to muzzle us. That’s why I let them go. I couldn’t imagine someone being on the same leash I had been on.”
“Is that why you kept the true cause of my parents death from me? To save them?”
A shocked look passes over Natasha’s face at your question-- a small flinch appearing at the ire strewn within each syllable.
“Steve didn’t tell you?”
A bark of laughter erupts from your mouth. “Of course, your precious Steve didn’t tell me. Why the fuck would Rogers tell me anything that didn’t pertain to him being the golden boy? He’s Captain America. We wouldn't want him to lose that spotless repertoire.” You take a small step towards her. Your eyes turn acidic as your voice lowered into a snarl. “But it doesn’t matter that he didn’t tell me. You should have been the one to do so. You. The same woman that has shared my bed for years. The same woman that has made me look like a fool for years because I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.”
“And what’s that, Y/N? What has been right in front of you this whole time?”
“That I don’t know who you are anymore, Natasha.” You stifle the urge to sob at the look that passes over her face at the admission. “That you’re making me think that what they told me about you was right.”
As if you had physically struck her, Natasha stumbled back. Her face, if possible, turning even paler than you had ever seen it. “What have they been telling you?”
Turning your head, your eyes find the decanter filled with amber. Wishing that you had a glass in your hand. Wanting nothing more than to stop this conversation in its tracks. To simply open your arms and accept Natasha back. To let your heart open up once more to her. There was nothing more that you wanted-- even if you knew it could never be a possibility.
“You may have left the Red Room behind, Natasha.” You begin with a small, dejected, sigh falling from your lips. Your gaze meeting hers once more. “But the Red Room has never left you. Nor will it ever leave you. I know that you’re more than the red in your ledger. I believe that more strongly than you could ever possibly know. No matter how much I wish otherwise, however, you will always be a spy. That’s how you were trained to be. That’s how you were raised and nothing can ever negate that. I’m not saying you’re a double agent, Natasha, I’m not. I just don’t think you’ve ever truly been on our side. I think that the bond you have with Steve, with the others, will always be stronger than the bond you have with us. They’re soldiers, survivors, heroes.” A small smile quirks your lips. “Hell some of them are even spies too. While I’m just an heiress with a lot of daddy issues. With an older brother that sometimes goes over the top. I don’t blame you for choosing them. I don’t blame you for staying true to who you are. I just don’t think I can ever forgive you.”
“Y/N/N,” Natasha pleads. Emerald eyes desperate as she took a small step towards you. Her entire being wilting as you took a step back. A normally impassive face losing its internal battle as tears started to flow down her face. A small sob falling from her lips as she realized that she had lost you. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”
At the sight of her tears, you finally lose your own internal struggle. Moving towards her and taking her into your arms. Trying to ignore how right it felt to have her there. Trying to ignore the feeling of her tears hitting your skin. Of her heavy breathing as she tried to control herself. The almost desperate way she was clinging onto you. For she knew the moment she let go you would be gone.
Lowering your head, you press a small kiss to the top of her head. Your arms tightening around her as you said a silent goodbye.
“I’m sorry too, Natasha. I’m sorry it’s turned out like this.” Pulling back, you cup her face in your hands. Fighting back even more tears as she nuzzled into the embrace. Emerald green shimmering with her pain. You offer a watery smile towards her. “I’ll give you a head start.”
Another sob escapes her lips. “I would go to jail for the rest of my life if it still meant I had you.”
“I don’t think I would ever be able to live with myself if you went to jail because of me, Natasha.”
“And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live with myself knowing that I’m the reason I lost the love of my life.”
Not knowing what else to do, you pull Natasha back into your arms. Memorizing the feel of her body pressing into yours. Her scent wafting through your nose-- the feeling of home coming with it. The strength she exuded even when she was nuzzled into your neck. Her arms never wavering from your waist as she returned your embrace. Knowing that this was possibly the last time you would ever get to hold her filled you to the brim with anguish.
After another moment passes, you finally step back from Natasha. Gently pulling her arms from around you as she tried to hold on. Your eyes meeting her agonized emerald.
“I love you, Y/N,” she murmurs.
“I love you too, Nat,” you murmur back. “I think I always will.”
Glancing towards the clock situated on the wall, you finally notice the time. Without turning back to her, you speak. “It’s around the time that Tony will be getting up, Natasha. I think you should leave now while you still have the chance.”
There was a beat of silence. Where, for a moment, you thought that Natasha wouldn’t leave. That she was going to stay resolutely in front of you. Her warmth caressing your body like a blanket.
That moment didn’t last long. As the warmth slipped from you like water through your fingers. Your eyes closing at the painful feeling the chill caused. The loneliness that was pressing down onto you. Something that only doubled when you heard the faint ding of the elevator.
The only proof of her presence being the faint scent of her and the pain in your chest.
Opening your eyes, you level your gaze back towards the decanter.
One more drink wouldn’t hurt.
Not if it meant you could suppress everything that has happened.
If it meant you wouldn’t see her face every time you closed your eyes.
Anything would be better than the pain.
Even if you had to be numb to achieve it.
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#black widow x reader#black widow#avengers imagine#avengers x reader#natasha romanov x reader#natasha romanov#avengers civil war#stark reader#requiem
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Wow😳
Now I want "You don't know a thing about me" feat. Zhongli and Diluc 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
Please and thank you!
you don't know a thing about me pt.2 // genshin impact x reader
gender neutral pronouns, angst, little to no comfort
characters included: diluc, zhongli
warning(s): reader being rejected, ooc zhongli?
part one w/ venti, kaeya and childe , part 3 w/ venti and diluc
a/n: I really wanted to do this but I've never written for zhongli before (bc I've skipped,, 90% of his dialogue) but I included him in here anyways so I hope this suffices !! also sorry if this took awhile to post </3
Diluc
you were friends with diluc through you visiting the tavern every so often and seeing him there whenever he would be working. you always felt particularly bad for him every time you’d walk into the tavern and see kaeya there. it was pretty common knowledge to everyone in mondstadt that the two didn’t get along for reasons unknown. you two had actually started to get along from your mutual hatred of the knights of favonius. you didn’t necessarily hate them as much as diluc did but you did agree that they could do a much better job protecting mondstadt.
soon enough, you found yourself falling for diluc. it had been nearly a year before you even mentioned the growing feelings for him. whatever hope you had beforehand was almost immediately thrown out the window.
“you like me? do you even know anything about me other than the fact that i despise the knights of favonius?”
you hesitated before slowly opening your mouth to speak again, carefully watching your next words. “well i just assumed you didn’t go around saying much else about yourself-”
he nodded though his face showed anything but joy. “exactly. its because i don’t want people to know much about me.”
you shut your mouth after that, struggling to understand what he wanted. was he just not looking for a relationship? you didn't want to aggravate him further so you ended up staying silent. he let out a sigh, seeing you unable to come up with a response. he turned his back to you as if trying to avoid your eyes. “just...leave me alone.” with that, he was walking away. maybe if you had apologized or even chased after him, things would’ve been different.
that day was the last time you really saw him. you started to avoid the tavern to give him space and eventually just started going to the cat’s tail instead. it was also rather awkward when a certain darknight hero had to save you once, the both of you just shaking off the event as if it had never happened at all. sometimes you wonder if you would still be friends if you hadn’t confessed.
Zhongli
you met zhongli during the lantern rite festival, shortly after the passing of the geo archon. you two had started up a conversation and you found yourself being intrigued by him. shortly after that, the two of you had become friends. whenever you’d see him passing by in liyue, you’d always wave at him and every so often he’d invite you to tea. he seemed to have so much knowledge even on the little things in liyue that every time you guys would hang out, he’d tell you something new that you’d never even heard before.
you also found it a little amusing how often he’d try to buy things despite not having the mora for it. you’d get him things every so often though you were unable to get everything, considering he kept trying to get things that were over a million mora. even so, you’d still find him paying you back or making it up to you. how? you didn’t have the slightest clue and whenever you asked, you never quite got a clear answer. regardless, over the year that you had known zhongli, you had gained a crush on him.
you two were finishing up saying your goodbyes after having a meal when you had confessed. it had come out on accident and you could tell he knew you were embarrassed for saying something so suddenly, yet he made no comment on it. instead, he looked as thoughtful as ever. “so you’ve fallen for me despite not knowing much about me? interesting, that’s a new one.”
the both of you remained friends after that and honestly you were just relieved zhongli didn't really tease you that much about it. he did bring it up once or twice to see your reaction but he always stayed calm as you would apologize for confessing though he honestly didn’t seem to mind. it was almost as if he had learned something through this ordeal and he was enjoying himself with it. he reassured you that he enjoyed this much more than his old occupation which you had tried to ask about but was just shrugged off. though even if you were just friends, you decided that it wasn’t so bad.
#this is so ooc#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact x reader#zhongli x reader#diluc x reader#genshin impact scenarios
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Goromi Character Story
I really liked this one even if it was a pain in the ass to translate. Damn all that kansai slang! I have some pics to go with this one unlike the Goromi Event where I forgot to take any screencaps.
Character stories are split into three parts with a fight in each part, and this one will be a little more paraphrased because there’s a lot of back and forth dialogue that doesn’t matter too much. Here’s Goromi’s card!
Summary: Turns out it takes several days for Kiryu to actually show up to club SHINE to meet Goromi (he’s busy!) so Goromi spends her time working there and taking care of problems. She’s not the number one hostess for nothing!
<Part 1>
<Majima Goro, as Goromi, has been working at club SHINE for several days now>
The shop manager has been having to deal with this and he doesn’t know what to do.
Majima shows up again, as usual, and the manager fumbles over himself on whether to say Majima or Goromi
He asks if Kiryu has shown up yet and Majima complains before heading to the back to get changed, where Goromi continues to complain that she’s a good woman and Kiryu is a horrible lazy bum for standing her up for so long. She’s bored to death! (I wonder, does Majima leave the Goromi outfit at the club or take it with home each time?)
A rowdy customer comes in and makes a scene and Goromi steps in to wallop on him, because she’s bored and he spilled a drink on her dress.
<Fight Happens>
Goromi wins, easily, and makes him leave his wallet. The manager pulls her into the backroom to tell her that she can’t fight customers. Goromi counters that she can’t allow a threat to women to go unchecked.
Another hostess on the floor shouts at a customer to stop because touching is forbidden. Goromi says that sounds like trouble, she might as well handle it since Kiryu hasn’t shown up yet. The manager says absolutely not, those are Sakamoto Family men (probably, it’s not spoken out loud but Sakamoto is the most common reading).
The manager goes out to deal with it and gets hit by a Sakamoto Family goon for his trouble, but the guy leaves. Turns out the Sakamoto Family has been showing up a lot and never paying, and it’s a real pain. Goromi tells him to get his act together and fight back already! The manager says there’s no way he can win, going along with them is the best way to protect the club. Goromi calls him a coward, and leaves.
<Part 2>
<the next day>
Majima once again shows up and has a brief struggle with the wig until...
Tada! A perfect Goromi~❤️
Goromi is certain Kiryu-chan will show up today! He definitely will! ...Why the hell hasn’t he shown up yet? She notices yet another unruly customer, once again a Sakamoto Family goon, hassling the manager, but this time she just watches.
The manager tries to explain that the rules clearly state you aren’t allowed to touch the hostesses, and gets hit for it again. He stands back up, repeats himself, and gets punched another time. The goon grabs the hostess and says they’re going to the bathroom together.
Goromi steps in to stop him, but the manager beats her to it, and finally hits the guy back. He’s remembering what Goromi-san said to him... He’s not going to run away!!
<Fight Happens>
Manager gets his ass KICKED, goon taunts him and says he’d never win in a million years. Manager gets back up anyways, tells him he has to leave... just in time for the patriarch of the Sakamoto Family to arrive. He’s heard this is a fun place, and wants to sit with a lady ASAP. His goon shouts at the manager, the manager fumbles, and Goromi steps in.
Sakamoto thinks this is just great, that eyepatch is really getting his fighting spirit going! His lackey is less sure. The manager tries to step in, Goromi cuts him and says she’ll be his hostess tonight. Sakamoto is falling over himself trying to offer Goromi a seat, he’s just smitten.
The manager wonders what Goromi is up to...
<Part 3>
We start off immediately with Sakamoto telling Goromi how cute she is, and how much he likes her, and that she’s got a real tight lil butt.
“Stoooop~, ya pervy patriarch❤️”
Sakamoto says he really like Goromi, too many girls nowadays would throw a fit if he grabbed their ass. The manager is wondering what the hell is going on, why is Goromi being so nice??
Sakamoto asks what kind of men Goromi likes. She likes strong, beefy guys, of course! Sakamoto says that she’s gonna love him then.
Sakamoto: I was the strongest guy in his whole town! I’ve heard that the strongest guy in Kamurocho’s the patriarch of the Majima family, some moron named Majima Goro.
Goromi: Oh, is that so?
Sakamoto: I’m pretty sure him being crazy strong’s just a silly rumor though. If I were up against him it’d be like beating up a baby.
Goromi: Woahhhh, that’s so cool~ 🎵 All that strength is really making my heart beat fast~
Sakamoto lets Goromi order whatever she likes from the menu. The manager worries that she’s going to order a fight! But no, she just asks for Don Perignon, the most expensive thing on the menu. And she convinces him to get 10 bottles of it.
<2 hours pass>
Sakamoto: Bahaha! Goromi-chan, you're the best girl of them all!
Goromi: Before ya go I got one more thing for ya Mr. Patriarch!
Sakamoto: Ehhhh, is it a kiss~
Goromi: It's your bill!
Sakamoto: Ah....? Haha, great joke Goromi-chan!
Goromi: It ain't no joke! Between the drinks and the service... you've racked up 5 million yen. How would ya like to pay that?
Sakamoto: Now hold on, I ain't payin' that! Even if you're cute!!
Goromi: Eh, you really won't pay?
Sakamoto: No! I absolutely will not pay!!
Goromi: So that mean's you're not a customer now, is that right?
Goromi: Since you're not a customer, Goromi can be a little... rough
Sakamoto: Tch, boys, let's teach this lady a little discipline!
Goromi: Discipline....? Idiots, Goromi is the butterfly that dances in the night. I don't take orders from anyone, especially morons like you!!
<Fight Happens, Goromi obliterates them>
Sakamoto: You, you're actually...!
Goromi: What are ya talking about? I'm Goromi, Kamurocho's number one hostess.
Goromi: If you disrespect the women of this city... I'll show you a world of hurt.
Sakamoto: W-Wahhhhh!! P-Please forgive me!!
Goromi: From now on you're banned. Don't let me see your face here again. Got it?
Sakamoto: Y-yes ma'am! I understand! P-Please excuse me...
Goromi: Wait. You still got a bill to pay.
Sakamoto: Wh- um, well, I don't have that much right now...
Goromi: Haw? Then why'd you eat and drink so much! You got some nerve takin' whatever ya fancied. But... I could forgive ya if you go on an after hours date with me.
Sakamoto: ...Eh?
Goromi: Until the money's collected, we're going on dates. ...Be prepared.
<the next day>
Manager: Majima-san, thank you so much.
Goromi: Eh? What're you talkin' about. This is just Goromi gettin' paid properly for her work.
Manager: Ah. I see.
Goromi: And... I'm glad you stood up for your girls. Ya finally showed your guts. You've got a real good crew here, keep workin' to be the best.
Manager: Th-thank you so much! Uhuuuuuu!
Goromi: Don't get all emotional and cry! I'm countin' on having your full cooperation when it comes to fighting Kiryu-chan!
Manager: Yes ma'am! By all means.
Door Greeter: Maji- I mean, Goromi-san! K-Kiryu-san is coming here!!
Goromi: Ohh, nice timing! Well, let's do this thing!
Manager: Yes!
<Goromi goes to greet Kiryu at the door>
Goromi: Heyyy, it's Goromi~
<END>
Another bonus fact that relates to both this and the event: the rggo twitter put up a poll asking everyone which of these girls was their favorite
(Lady that does the gatcha rolls, Mayumi from rggo’s story, Yuki, and badly photoshopped Goromi)
in a shock to no one reading this, Goromi obliterated the vote, coming in just shy of 80%...
...which was apparently a shock to the staff! They immediately tweeted "Goromi got 80%...! What a crazy result 😵 We're having an emergency planning meeting now. Thank you all for voting so much!"
I have to wonder if this was a turning point in how they wrote Goromi, with the event and substory presenting her as not strictly a one off occurrence! Maybe the fan enthusiasm got them to take her a little more seriously
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If you are still doing the dialogue prompts could I be super annoying and say that I couldn't decide which ones I liked so I picked out a couple for two different types of fic, I need you to choose for me 😂 12 “Could you ever be happy with me?” 17 “Why are you looking at me like that?” For maybe angsty Billy/Four 20 “Oh, fuck” / 21 “Did you just moan?” 52 “You love me and want to have my babies, I get it” For fluffy friends to lovers with Ben?
I couldn’t decide so I’m doing both. the other one has been already been posted here
Prompt list: 55 dialogue prompts
Prompt(s): 12. “Could you ever be happy with me?”, 17. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Pairing(s): Billy/Four x GN!reader
Warnings: ANGST, mention/implied smut so 18+, fluffyish ending? maybe?, poor writing skills, poorly proofread and poor editing
Word count: 1.5k (I think this is the longest fic I've ever written?)
You had joined the team nearly a year ago and you’d been having the time of your life- or afterlife- ever since. You loved the team, Three made you laugh, two trained you in the gym, five and Seven were like siblings to you, One was like your grumpy yet funny uncle and Four… Four and you had a bit of a complicated relationship. He always seemed a bit distant, you’d see him laughing or chatting animatedly with some of the others and when you’d walk into the room he’d shut down or blatantly ignore you.
You two did have some good times, more than once you’d found him in the kitchen in the middle of the night with a beer and a snack (which incidentally was why you were there as well) and you guys would joke, laugh, tease and just generally have a grand time and then you’d end up bent over the kitchen counter while he slammed into you or with one of you on your knees making the other see stars. but the next day he’d be harsh, dismissive, or in full avoidance mode. You didn't expect him to be different or gentler with you as the sex was never romantic, it was always rough (and mindblowing), you didn't expect a fucking proposal or anything but his hostility irritated you, it made you so angry, but mostly, it just made you so fucking sad and you weren’t quite sure why.
You had no reason to be sad, you had no reason to be hurt by his actions you told yourself repeatedly but... he was so charming and funny and endearing, and that first kiss… you swore it started soft and sweet before it turned rough and sloppy but maybe you just imagined it. Maybe you just wanted to believe he was able to be soft and vulnerable. Either way, you had no reason to be sad so why was there a lump in your throat every time you thought about him?
So you would push down the sadness and act on your anger. You would avoid him harder than he was avoiding you, you would shoot him quick dirty looks and glares when you had to be in a room together and you’d work out harder than you usually did until you’d ultimately end up, once again cuming around his dick while he said the filthiest things in your ear. After the most recent night in the kitchen and Four hadn’t avoided you he just glared and pretend you weren’t there which was almost worse.
Now you were in the gym, beating the shit out of a punching bag, brows furrowed as you fumed about Four. you’d been there what must’ve been about an hour when the door opened and Four walked in. He froze for a moment in the doorway when he saw you, then continued to the other side of the room where he set his things down and wrapped his hands. Then he walked over to the bag next to yours and started punching. This made you angrier. You started punching and kicking the bag harder and harder until you exploded
“What the hell is wrong with you?” you yelled at him “genuinely what the fuck is wrong with you? Your distant, you’re nice, you fuck me, you hate me, you fuck me, you hate me, we get along, we fuck, you hate me! It’s the same fucking thing over and over again! And it’s fucking exhausting!”
Four had at this point, stopped boxing and was staring at you with a look you couldn't place.
“I don't know if you’re worried I’ll get attached if you’re nice to me after we fuck” you were no longer yelling but your voice was still harsh “or maybe you genuinely hate me and you’re only pretending to be nice to me so you can get laid” but even as you said it you knew that wasn’t the truth, you knew he was better than that “and after you’ve gotten what you wanted you can’t pretend any more but... this shit is exhausting” you tone had shifted again. The shouting had turned to a general accusatory harshness which had turned to a quiet voice cracked with emotion. “...I’m just so tired” and with that you turned and left, leaving the few things you’d brought down with you as Four just stood there, frozen.
You made your way to your room and took a shower, all the while willing yourself not to cry because, as you told yourself, you were angry, not sad. So there’s no reason to cry… right? After your shower, you immediately got into bed, wet hair and all, where you just stared numbly until you dozed off.
You were woken a few hours later, by the sound of your door being opened. You rubbed your eyes and sat up to see four standing in your doorway, his figure lightly illuminated by the lights in the hall.
“What do you want?” you asked wearily
He opened his mouth a few times as tho trying to figure out what to say but nothing came out.
You were watching closely trying to read his expression but you count even begin to know what he was thinking or feeling.
“Four?” you pushed
Still nothing.
“Billy?” you prodded quietly “what are you doing here?”
He said nothing. He just looked at you with such intensity but you still couldn't put your finger on what was going on in his head.
“Billy, Why are you looking at me like that?”
A a long beat of silence and then:
“Could you ever be happy with me?”
“What? I-” but you stopped at the look on his face. It had shifted ever so slightly and now it was as if you could read every thought and every emotion and it made the numbness you had forced yourself to feel fade away. It made you want to cry. You’d never seen him look this vulnerable. His eyes were wide and sad and scared, his lips were trembling slightly and his body language was hunched and fidgety. Memories of your first kiss, of the laughter and bonding you’d experienced with him all those nights in the kitchen, of the sex, swirled in your brain as you sat in your bed then, You stood, reached out, took his hand in yours and pulled him to you, engulfing him in a tight embrace. He was stiff in your arms unsure of what to do but desperate to give in and melt into your touch.
“Of course I could be. I would be” you said softly your lips just barely brushing his skin as you spoke and Billy finally gave in. His arms clutched you closer and you could feel him let out a big breath that neither of you had noticed he was holding.
“Then why aren’t we together?” he whispered into your shoulder, his voice cracking slightly “why did I push you away?”
That knocked the wind out of you. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Why did he sound so broken? Why did that question shatter your heart into a million little pieces? A tear finally slipped down your cheek.
“I-” you started “I don't know”
Billy pulled his face from your neck and looked into your eyes. One of his hands shifted to cradle your head and after a moment of silence he asked “can I kiss you?” he’d said it so quietly you could barely hear it. It was as tho he didn't want you to, as though he feared you’d say no or laugh in his face if you heard him. But you just nodded
His head dipped to meet yours in what was the most melancholy kiss either of you had ever experienced. Your arms shifted around his neck and his hands drifted to your waist as the kiss deepened. Both you and he were lost in each other, from the minute your lips met. When you broke apart his forehead rested on yours and you both just stood there in silence, both afraid to ruin the moment and neither sure of what to say or do next. This was completely uncharted territory for you both. After a while, you gave him a quick sweet kiss, pulled out of his arms, climbed back into bed, and looked at him expectantly.
“Well?” you asked
“Well… what?”
“You coming?”
“what?” he was so unsure of himself within this moment that nothing was making sense.
You rolled your eyed at his cluelessness and reached out to him with grabby hands
“Oh.. yeah” he climbed into bed with you and You both fidgeted and shifted until you were comfortable in each others arms.
After a few minutes of silence, you said “Billy?”
He hummed in response
“If you ever treat me like that, if you ever hurt me like that again, I’m gone”
He placed a kiss on your forehead and said “as you should be”
writing taglist: @transeliot
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#55 dialogue prompts#ben hardy x reader#6 underground#billy/four x reader#ben hardy one shot#ben hardy angst#angst#implied smut#mentioned smut#6 underground fanfiction#ben hardy smut#ben hardy fanfic#ben hardy fic#borhap boys#ben hardy#1.5k words#one shot#kallan writes
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A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.
This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long.
This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)
We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.
And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst.
But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face.
(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)
And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference).
Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns.
Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals.
He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went.
Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.
Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point.
Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences.
I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.
Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww.
Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.
I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.
Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine.
Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah.
Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.
And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later.
Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.
Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother.
GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!
Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true.
After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way.
Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...
Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place.
And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.
(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)
So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple.
Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all.
Peace.
#idiots think blaine loved kurt more than kurt loved him#klaine#klaine meta#glee 3.15#blaine anderson#kurt hummel#cooper anderson
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An Enjoltaire WIP
This is a scene from a big project I’m currently working on. As you may be able to tell, this scene is unfinished, but I’m pretty proud of it so far. I’ve tried to make the dialogue as authentic as I can to the 19th century, but it can be hard to do while still trying to be true to your own writing. It’s definitely ambitious, but I’ve tried my best, so please be patient with me.
June 4th, 1832
“Grantaire, please just listen to me-“
“No! I’m not going to listen to you justify getting yourself killed!”
“You don’t know that I’ll be killed! What if we succeed? Then we still have time…then we have a bright future for France!”
Grantaire sighed deeply, a sense of despair washing over him as he exhaled.
“Enjolras, mon ange,” He began, gripping the blonde man’s soft, slender hand within his own big and rough one, “You are so idealistic. How I envy you and pity you at the same time. Your mind is beautiful, optimistic, everything I’ve ever wanted to be. But it is unrealistic. The National Guard will not listen to the people, much less students. I’m begging, if you just call this off, no one has to die. We can…we can be guaranteed time,” Grantaire’s voice caught in his throat as he finished what he was saying. Of course, right when he had earned a stroke of luck, the thing that he was living for was to be stripped away from in a matter of hours. Grantaire so desperately wanted to wake up tomorrow morning in his rooms with his lovely Enjolras in his arms and the sunlight beating down upon them. He knew that this wish was in vain, for Enjolras was the most selfless person he had ever met. He couldn’t be satisfied until everyone around him was. Grantaire would follow Enjolras to the ends of the Earth, so deep down, he knew that not only were these his last day or two with Enjolras and his friends, but also his last days alive.
Enjolras had a look of frustration on his face, but still had a firm grip on Grantaire’s hand. His blue eyes bore straight into his lover’s soul, and Grantaire wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold his tears back. Hell, Grantaire didn’t even know if this Heaven he had been taught about was real. If God was real, how dare he burden this suffering upon Grantaire’s, Enjolras’s, and all of France’s backs.
“Grantaire, nothing you say can stop me. I know what I must do. My duty lies with France, and I cannot let her down. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my days with you, not a care in the world, but none of that is possible until France is reformed! When I feel the crunch of the monarchy beneath my feet, I will be at rest,” Enjolras rambled, his grip on Grantaire’s hand getting tighter. His eyes told a different story than his words, and it was easy to tell just how terrified Enjolras was behind his cover of fearless leader. It was in moments like these that Grantaire recognized Enjolras’ humanity, contrary to when he first met the man.
Alexandre Enjolras was not a god. He was just a boy with a dream.
Cynical Adrien Grantaire was irrevocably and utterly in love with him. Grantaire’s heart was breaking more every second he thought about losing his love.
“Enjolras, please. I can’t lose you. I-,” Grantaire choked on a sob before he could mutter those three words to the boy in front of him.
Arms immediately came to envelope Grantaire in a tight embrace. He felt the familiar soft curls brush up against his neck, and he tried to keep his sobs under control.
“I know, Adrien. I know. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry-,” Enjolras was speaking through tears too, as Grantaire felt them soaking the collar of his shirt. It was even more unusual to hear Enjolras speaking his first name though, then it was to see him shedding a tear.
Shakily, Grantaire brought one of his hands up from Enjolras’ waist to card it through his Apollonian curls. “I…I would call you Alexandre, but I think you might actually kick me,“ He tried joking, but it came out watery and desperate. Enjolras still let out a broken laugh, and Grantaire’s heart soared at the thought of himself bringing Enjolras joy.
“Grantaire, I- there’s just so much I want to say to you and so little time. There are so many injustices in the world, and I feel that this is one of them,” mused Enjolras, his composure clearly cracking.
“I think we’ve finally come to an agreement on something. How bittersweet those words taste on my tongue in a time like this,” Grantaire leaned his forehead against Enjolras’ own. The pair of them were an incredibly melancholy sight.
“Grantaire?” Enjolras broke Grantaire out of his cage of darkness.
“Yes?” He replied, the smallest twinge of hope manifesting in his voice.
“I…I need you to stay as far away as you can from the barricade tomorrow. I may be risking my life, but…but you don’t have to. Do you understand me?” These words looked like they were physically painful for Enjolras to say, like thousands of little knives pierced his throat as they fell from his mouth.
Grantaire let out a humorless laugh at that. “Enjolras, you really believe that I will stay away from you tomorrow?” He started.
“Grantaire, please-“
“Enjolras. My world is nothing without you. I have no one if you and the others are to expire at the barricade. Living alone for eternity is a far worse fate than dying together. I told you that I would never abandon you, and I intend to keep that promise. There…there is no longer an Adrien Grantaire without an Alexandre Enjolras I’m afraid. My soul intertwined with yours the moment I laid eyes on you. Tomorrow, I’ll be there with you. I’ll die with you…and I’d do it over and over again for a million years if it meant I’d get to experience whatever we have,” Grantaire exhaled after he spoke these honest words.
Enjolras surged forward to capture Grantaire’s lips in a passionate kiss. Grantaire felt tears staining both his and Enjolras’ cheeks as they embraced. It was horribly poetic, their tears mixing. All their anguish was shared, much like their fates seemed to be. When Enjolras finally pulled away from their kiss, he buried his face in the crook of Grantaire’s neck, hiding himself from the world. He was holding on to Grantaire impossibly tight, like he’d somehow slip away from his grasp if he didn’t.
It was then Grantaire heard the most heart-wrenching sound; Enjolras gasping for breath, sobbing helplessly into his neck. This was so unlike the Enjolras that he had first met that it was almost disconcerting. This Enjolras was vulnerable and loving instead of cold and militaristic. This was the Enjolras that a lot of people didn’t have the pleasure of seeing. Of course, it was clear that Enjolras cared deeply for others, but he had never broken down like this before.
“Shhh…I’m here. We’re going to get through this…together,” Grantaire soothed, holding the golden boy in his arms close.
“I…I’ve never-“ Enjolras began, “I’ve never felt like this before. Oh, how Marius underestimated me in his speech about the girl he met. I do know how it feels to…to…,” he stumbled.
“To?” Grantaire questioned, hoping that this was going the way he believed it was.
“To be in love. Grantaire, you’ve changed me for the better. How could I have gone on to die without knowing how it felt to be cared for by you? You’ve made my task so much more difficult than it was before, not only because you have a fondness for playing Devil’s Advocate. You have the kindest heart I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. I’m honored that you let me in,” Enjolras didn’t have time to finish what surely would’ve been a long, rambling proclamation of love because Grantaire so quickly captured his lips in another kiss.
“So many call me cynical, but more honest words have never been spoken than when I told you that I loved you from the moment I saw you. I have been your beloved Patroclus from the very beginning, and you my Achilles. How queer it is that we’re also condemned to a tragic end! Maybe it makes our ephemeral romance all the more fascinating,” Enjolras couldn’t help but grin as Grantaire began his waxing of the classics. It was one of many little quirks he adored about the artist.
When Grantaire finished his spiel, the hopeless expression returned to his sullen face. Enjolras mirrored it, pressing his forehead against Grantaire’s own.
“We will treasure this night, live in our own world. Tomorrow, we return to the situation at hand. We honor General Lamarque, and we will rise up and show the king that we are tired and desolate. If we are to perish, at least we have made a point. At least we have perished for the sake of the people,” Enjolras, ever the patriot, insisted passionately. If this wasn’t such a tender moment between the two of them, Grantaire normally would’ve started an argument, but he had the wise judgement to not say anything.
#enjoltaire#enjoltaire fanfiction#enjolras#grantaire#les amis de l'abc#les mis#les miserables#victor hugo#aaron tveit#george blagden#enjoltaire fanfic#romanticism#exr
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why i think deancas just might go canon
i’ve been wanting to write this for a bit, but i haven’t really had the time until now. basically this is just a super unorganized collection of thoughts i have on why i think that dean and castiel actually have a fairly decent shot of becoming canon (and by decent shot i mean like.....a solid 5% chance. and that’s being generous). this is based off of the show itself (obviously), quotes from andrew dabb, and other things.
1. andrew dabb is deancas positive
i made a post a while back that never made it out of the drafts, but it was basically a summation of all the good deancas shit dabb has given us as a writer. here are the bullet points:
- the hug/"i'm not leaving here without you!" moment in purgatory (8x02)
- "don't lose it over one man"
- "he's in love.....with humanity"
- cas/colette parallel ("dean. stop.") in 10x22
- just the fight scene from the prisoner in general like......wow
- sam/jess and dean/cas parallel in 12x23
- "we've lost everything......and now, you're gonna bring him back" + dean's just generally overwhelming grief in 13x01
- "and how is it that you lost dean? i thought the two of you were joined at the.....you know, everything"
and these are just the big moments.
also notable is the fact that an activist sent dabb (and some of the other producers of spn i think) a book about dean and cas and why the fans want it/why it would be a good thing for the show. a few years later, meghan fitzmartin (who wrote the most recent episode!) was hired as dabb’s assistant, went into his office and posted a tweet a with pictures of the book, saying something along the lines of “doing some reading for work!”
the fact that dabb actually kept a fanmade deancas book for years.....the fact that he’s consistently written episodes with really strong subtext for years.....the fact that the dean and castiel romantic tension has only picked up since he took over as showrunner (mixtape, lily sunder, cas’s death, dean’s grief arc, the entirety of season fifteen, etc.)......idk i just think it’s really interesting that there has been such a marked shift since he was put in charge.
2. the mixtape
i know this was a few seasons ago, but it’s still relevant because like. a mixtape is not platonic. this scene was not platonic. full-stop.
and it’s not even the act by itself; it’s also the dialogue!! “it was a gift. you keep those.” this is more than likely a direct callback to aragorn and arwen in lord of the rings (that’s the first thing i thought of, at least).
the fact that dabb let this slide, like......he knows what this looks like. berens and glynn, who wrote this episode, know what it looks like. they knew precisely how this would be perceived, and then wrote and aired the scene anyways.
and that’s not even getting into the camerawork. like what?? was this shot???
yeah so. definitely not platonic.
3. the trap
honestly i thought about just posting this part of this overlong essay thing, because to me, this is the episode where i went okay, so this might actually happen.
there are SO many things in this episode that made me go insane the first time i watched it (”i left, but you didn’t stop me”) but the thing that stuck out to me the most was dean’s reaction to castiel saying, “you don’t have to say it. i heard your prayer,” when dean tries to tell him something.
like?????? he does not look relieved!! nor does he look particularly happy!!
hell, if you go back and watch the video you can literally see him swallow his words down like....jensen ackles is the master of micro expressions and that shit is Not Accidental. this moment 100% gives the vibe that there is something that is not being said. the camera following dean as he gives cas a lingering look is really interesting too.
3. dabb’s comments about dean and cas in season 15
this part is actually sort of related to the point above, since a lot of dabb’s comments are in reference to “the trap.” here are some interesting ones that i want to point out:
But the Leviathan won’t be the focal point of the purgatory story. Rather, it’s about what Dean and Castiel are going through. “They’re not going to resolve the emotional stuff, but it allows them to redefine their friendship a little bit in light of what’s happened especially earlier this season,” Dabb says. (x)
the key thing here is that dabb said that, in 15x09, dean and cas are “not going to resolve the emotional stuff.”
now. i don’t know about you, but dean falling to his knees, praying to cas and weeping feels a lot like emotional resolution to me. like, sure, things will probably be awkward between them for a while, but surely this is the peak moment of their emotional vulnerability with each other, right? surely this is the moment where they’ve resolved the issue between them? like how the fuck does it get more intensely emotional than this??
yet dabb seems to be implying that it will, which leaves us with the million dollar question: what is left about dean and cas’ relationship to resolve?
keep in mind that as of 15x16, there hasn’t been much forward movement on that front; that is, we’ve had some cute moments between them, but in terms of serious conversation about their relationship, there’s been basically nothing. so we can assume that this development, whatever it is, will occur in 15x18, since dean and cas will be separated for most of 15x17, as cas will be off with sam.
aka the episode where cas will likely get yanked away by the empty. aka the episode with the teary (!!!) conversation we saw in the promo between dean and cas.
also notable from the above quote is dabb saying that dean and cas are redefining their friendship. like....redefining how? to what?? that wording is just really interesting to me.
another quote from dabb re “the trap”:
(x)
it forces them to “start that process.” indicating yet again that the prayer scene between dean and cas is not the moment where whatever is between them is resolved. yet, from where we are right now, dean and cas seem mostly fine. which means that whatever they have yet to work out doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their fight.
lastly:
a really significant chunk of what happens to dean in 15x09 is him confronting his issues with cas. don’t get me wrong - there are other important things that happen in the episode - but the fact that an episode where so much time/emotional energy is given to dean and cas’ dynamic is considered a turning point for dean is very notable and, to me, speaks to the importance of their relationship for the rest of the season.
4. dean/cas and sam/eileen being set up as units
i’m of the opinion that sam and dean will (by choice) go their separate ways at the end of the show. i think this for a variety of reasons that i wrote about here, and to add onto this, i think that dean/cas and sam/eileen are, in a way, being set up as two units.
this theory comes from two points:
1. the fact that eileen got brought back at all
this isn’t to say that eileen isn’t an interesting character all on her own/outside of her romance with sam, but the fact that they brought her back and then proceeded to set her up in this romance feels really significant to me. what’s especially interesting is how, even after she leaves in 15x09, we get a continuation of their romance in 15x14. i don’t necessarily think that she’s sam’s endgame in the sense that the final episode will show sam going to her or whatever, but i do think that part of the reason she was brought back was so that sam would have someone who he loves/someone he could potentially build a life with after he and dean defeat chuck.
2. the way the two couples were portrayed in “the trap”
like....just watch the future scenes in the bunker. there’s very much a sense that these are two couples living together. and “ever since the mark made cas go crazy, ever since i had to bury him in a ma’lak box.” note the use of i, not we. and then dean/cas and sam/eileen are directly paralleled when dean tells sam he needs to give it up after eileen’s death, comparing it to how dean has given it up after having to bury cas in the ma’lak box.
5. dean does not do Well without cas
this is probably an understatement. there have been a couple of notable instances in this season where the viewer is given a glimpse of what happens to dean when cas dies/is in danger of death/is separated from dean (in case the whole ass widower arc in s13 wasn’t enough).
two of these are from “the trap”:
1. dean freaking out/crying/praying when he’s separated from cas in purgatory
2. dean giving up on life/hunting after burying cas in the ma’lak box in the future world
3. dean’s reaction to cas temporarily going to the empty in 15x13
the one i want to spend the most time on is number two, in large part because sam was witness to it and i think that this might get brought up in 15x17.
part of my spec for that episode is that cas will tell sam about his deal/sam will find out somehow, and in reaction sam might tell cas about how dean reacted to his death in s13 - a conversation that was notably absent from the show when cas finally returned in 13x05. i also think that he might mention no. 2 above, basically telling cas that if he dies, dean is done. that he won’t be able to handle it/move past it. the show has been telling us this over and over for a while now, and it’s only been emphasized more in season 15. i think that 15x17 is the episode where this will finally be verbally expressed.
to me, all of this emphasis on dean giving up when cas is gone isn’t for nothing. in my opinion, it’s being done very purposefully to set up an endgame where dean and cas are together in some sense of the word. and a lot of what i’ve said above is what makes me think it’ll be a Romantic together.
5. bobo berens’ three part deancas saga
so we all know that berens is pretty much spn’s foremost deancas warrior, and what i want to point out here is how this season has been utilizing him as a writer.
this season, berens has three solo episodes (he wrote “galaxy brain” with meredith glynn):
1. the rupture
2. the trap
3. despair (formerly known as “the truth”)
so far, these first two episodes have had major deancas moments. you could even label them as:
1. the rupture (the breakup)
2. the trap (the reconciliation)
3. depair (???)
keep in mind also that berens wrote 14x18, where the dean and cas sort of had a preliminary breakup. he’s been in charge of this arc for a while, and the fact that so much of his writing this season has been deancas focused.......i don’t know, i just think it’s significant in part because, while berens has always been deancas positive, he also writes plenty of episodes that aren’t focused on dean and cas. but now, in the final season, the dean and cas emotional arc has been handed to him, and it’s been the primary focus on his writing.
(sidenote: berens was promoted to executive producer for this final season)
to me, this is all leading to a big moment between dean and cas in 15x18 - and the fact that it was at one point called “the truth,” only to be switched back to despair - makes me think that there will be some sort of confession involved. my money is on cas being the one to say it (especially since this would line up with the leak), especially given the glimpse we saw of (what might be) this moment in the promo. which leads me to...
6. cas does not cry
i saved this for last because the promo where we see teary-eyed cas is actually what pulled me back into this shitshow.
cas does not cry. like. ever. he got a little teary in 15x15, when jack told him of his plan to sacrifice himself, but we have never - never - seen him shed actual tears. and in the promo, particularly that shot where cas says “you have fought for this whole world,” it 100% looks like cas is about to cry cry.
cas has seen his son die. he has seen dean die. he died himself, over and over and over. and we have never seen him cry.
yet for some reason, in this moment of vulnerability with dean, he’s crying. i find it highly unlikely that cas would cry because of his impending death, for a number of reasons (for one, he wouldn’t want to upset dean more than he has to). so, assuming he’s not crying because of his own death, then what is making cas so emotional that he is genuinely crying for the first time in the twelve seasons he has been on the show?
my guys.....i can only think of one thing.
#THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG OH MY GOD#i'm so sorry for this i just have SO many thoughts about this and had to get them all down#disclaimer: i still think it's highly unlikely we'll get confirmed romantic deancas#but i do think there's a chance#and this is why#deancas#destiel#s15 spoilers#spec
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Gideon the Ninth Book Review
Gideon the Ninth Book Review by Tamsyn Muir
It would be only a slight hyperbole to say that a million people have either recommended this book to me or have told me to read it. I’ve heard for years now that this book is incredible and extremely well written and beloved by many. So, if that’s the case why did I wait so long to read it?
I don’t have a good answer. Sometimes a book is on your radar, but either the time isn’t right, other books take priority, or in my case, it’s adult fiction and I held slight trepidation that I wouldn’t love it as much as everyone else in the world seemed to.
Thank goodness, that didn’t end up being the case and I’ll get into why in a moment.
First, Gideon the Ninth has the most amazing descriptive sentence belonging on any front cover of any book ever.
I shall put it here for prosperity and awe: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross.
Now, I don’t know who you are Mr. Stross, but that has to be the best sentence written in the English language since its conception. If that isn’t enough intrigue for you to crack open the novel then I truly don’t know what is or what it would take.
That being said, Mr. Stross wasn’t entirely accurate, but that’ll be clear soon enough.
The novel surrounds our main protagonist, Gideon Nav, or, known as Gideon the Ninth, the primary cavalier to the Ninth House necromancer. Essentially, this world takes place in a different solar system with its own sun star known as Dominicus as well as nine planets also known as the Nine Houses.
Each House has a specific specialty for what is known for, and as summarized helpfully, but also overwhelmingly, at the beginning of the novel, the Ninth House is also known as the keepers of the Locked Tomb, House of the Sewn Tongue, and home to the Black Vestals.
This meant nothing to me at the beginning and quite truthfully, I still struggled to remember throughout the novel who belonged to the Third House, or the Fifth and what that quite meant, as once again, each House has a reputation and expected skill set that precedes them.
Not to say that it was poorly written because it wasn’t. Muir just has a lot of characters with specific titles and while she actually does quite a good job of categorizing them and helpfully reminding you who is who, I still struggled with just the sheer amount of information and people.
Normally, this would be a massive criticism, like it was with the cast of characters in Lore but in this case it’s not Muir’s fault. She’s giving me all the information necessary to understand. It was just my brain that struggled trying to recognize and categorize everyone. If anything, I’m excited to re-read Gideon the Ninth and have it sink in like a second skin eventually.
Having this large cast of characters, the book revolves around each of the Nine Houses (except for the First House) sending their best necromancer, a wielder of both thanergy (death energy) and thalergy (life energy) in the form of a House Adept, someone who is able to wield this kind of energy either in bone magic, flesh magic, or spirit magic.
In accompaniment, each Necromancer Adept has a primary Cavalier, a trained fighter that is both protector, companion, and often, necessary energy suppliers to their Adept in both horrendous and acceptable ways.
The goal of these pairs, having been sent to the First planet, is to become a Lyctor, an immortal servant to the Undying Emperor. The catch is that once the Necromancers and their Cavaliers arrive on the First, the shuttle departs and they are trapped in an abandoned, dilapidated, once-regal and great mansion that boasts hundreds of floors, secret doors, and mystery upon mystery.
Each pair expects a streamlined process to Lyctorhood once they arrive, a methodical procedure, perhaps some training, and ultimately a test. What they don’t expect is a mellow man by the name of Teacher that claims to know nothing about the process himself, but is the overseer of the First.
What follows is a mind-boggling search to become a Lyctor and unravel the mysteries of the haunted palace. What the pairs don’t expect is the death of their own, gruesome murders at the hand of someone in their very own positions and an evil danger beyond any of their imagination lurking in the mansion.
This novel was a great concoction of mystery, action, interpersonal relationships, character growth, dazzling descriptions, and world building.
The world of Dominicus and the Nine Houses is expansive and rich, something that I haven’t been able to sink my teeth into, and not for lack of trying, but because it is so deep and so layered that I simply need to take several bites to get it all down.
The mystery is fulfilling and strangely, to me at least, reminiscent of a game called Danganronpa. If you know what that is, and even if you don’t, it centers around the idea of a murder mystery, but where the killer is one of your own and the mystery is trying to figure out not ony the who, but the why of what they are doing, amongst a slew of other deadly riddles.
Gideon the Ninth is the same. As people continue to get picked off and brutally murdered, as a reader you find yourself trying to puzzle out not only who, but why someone would commit such atrocities and the motivation behind it.
The plot itself of Gideon the Ninth was extremely satisfying and alluring. There were times where I personally found that novel bogged down with excessive description, but it was usually broken up with Gideon’s personal brand of crass humor, a very much needed breather with the expansive exposition, that, while extremely well done, well researched, and well written, did get a tad boring from time to time for me personally, even if it allowed for clear imagery as well as adding to already well formed world building.
In addition to the plot, all of the characters were well done and as fleshed out as they could be considering the amount of characters involved. First, even though this is set in a fantasy sci-fi setting, each of the characters seemed realistic and like they could potentially be real people.
A large criticism of books I often have, especially in YA, is that the characters often come across like caricatures, and not real flesh and blood humans with both positive and negative qualities.
Each character, some developed more than others, have both flaws and strengths, even the main characters, which I highly appreciated. Not only does it make the story more real and palatable, but it also is just more interesting to read about as it’s actually based in humanity and the nature of human beings rather than some perfect carbon copy of one.
Gideon as a narrator was hilarious. She was often crass, blunt, horny, humorous and ignorant. But on the other hand, she was also an extremely talented fighter, actually very sweet deep down, forgiving, and loving.
This mix in a main character was a welcome one in addition to making Gideon feel like a real person, despite all the bone magic and necromancy, and often her thought process and dialogue made me laugh out loud.
Another main character, Harrowhark Nonagesimus (What a name!) is Gideon’s Necromancer and main companion. She’s bitter, rude, spiteful, and ruthless. She’s also hardworking, intelligent, and stubborn.
If you’re catching the pattern here, Muir isn’t just writing archetypes and passing them off as characters. She’s writing complex and nuanced personalities that are intriguing and interesting and well developed.
I could get into the other plethora of characters like Camila, Dulcinea, Palamedes, Magnus, Judith and so on, but this review would be a thousand pages long so I’ll just settle for saying that every character was well done and lovingly crafted and not one of them, even the annoying ones, were characters that I hated.
One important thing to note was Muir’s writing itself. It was incredible. Such descriptions! Such characterization! Such detail! Such vocabulary! I was supremely impressed with her writing as a whole and often found myself having to look up words that I had never heard of in my life (always a welcome change of pace). I was blown away by her sheet talent and creativity.
The last two things I have to note might get me in trouble.
One, the ending for me was...bittersweet. For fear of spoiling someone, I won’t get into details, but I found it both lacking and simultaneously making absolute sense. I wanted both more and yet, found that everything was just enough. It’s hard to put into words, but if you know, you know.
I do have a slightly sinking feeling though that the ending twist will somehow be undone in the sequel. I don’t know if this is true (although I will eventually find out), and I can’t decide if I’m going to be happy or dismayed by it.
Such conflicting feelings are in of itself homage to Muir’s skill as a writer and the complexities of her tale.
Lastly, the one aspect that might get me into the stickiest of predicaments: Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship. I don’t know if I like it or not. On the one hand, I absolutely love it. It's a hate-to-love slow burn, which really is the only way an OTP makes its way into my heart. I love that they’re so different and yet so compatible, one flesh and one blood and all that other nonsense.
They see each other as equals, as adversaries, and I adore that dynamic in any pairing. I also love the F/F representation of some badass women and that they’re not traditionally attractive and beautiful.
One of my favorite lines came from the end of the book where Gideon describes Harrowhark’s face as, “bitter” and “hateful”. I just love when characters aren’t conventionally gorgeous and yet beautiful in the eyes of the beholder and all that jazz.
Now. Onto the problems.
Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship is kinda...toxic? It grows into something less so, but it definitely starts off that way. I really hate imbalances of power of any kind and Harrowhark definitely has power over Gideon, power that she creully abuses. I asked myself: if Harrowhark was a man and treated Gideon so abysmally for years, and then Gideon eventually forgave him and loved him despite everything, would I think differently?
And the answer is yes, yes I would.
Is that fair? Probably not. But I can’t help but think how the dynamics change with the two of them being women, and how in my opinion, I think more is forgiven of Harrowhark because of it, even when it’s not deserved.
Now, Harrowhark is a complex character and has traumas of her own, but I just can’t help but think of all the things she did to Gideon and the things she took away from her and forced her to do and then think of them together and it’s...not great.
Overall, my feelings on their relationship are complicated (which is a repeated pattern when it comes to Muir’s writing) and I don’t mind that it’s complicated, it makes it interesting, but I also would be bereft to mention it here. I look forward to seeing how it develops and if my feelings change and grow on the matter as well.
In total, Gideon the Ninth is a fantastic read. It has everything you want inlaid with characters who not only push the plot along, but incentivize you to read more. It has complicated issues and complicated characters, but that means it’s nuanced and complex and juicy enough to bite into.
Don’t do what I did and wait years for this novel. If you need a good read, you don’t need to look any further and then let yourself be swept along for the necromantic ride.
Recommendation: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross. I mean. Come on people, what more can you ask for?
Score: 8/10
#gideon the 9th#gideon the ninth#tamsyn muir#harrowhark nonagesimus#adult fiction#book blog#book review#Book Recommendations#book rec#favorite books#LGBTQ fiction#lgbtqbook#F/F books#F/F romance#8/10
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sursum corda
Part one of a new canon divergent series, “A Sacrament to Be Taken Kneeling”
Summary: the opening dialogue to the eucharistic prayer, or anaphora, translated to english means “lift up your hearts”, and is the beginning of a devout worshipper’s holy communion with god
Canon divergent from 6x22, this one is rated M for religious blasphemy, power dynamics, and mature subject matter (later installments will be rated E for violence, sexual content, and graphic depictions of blood). Honestly this is just a fucked up exploration of the catholicnatural that could have been if the spn writers hadn’t been cowards and had instead really leaned into the whole Godstiel thing, and his dynamic with Dean. I’m going to hell for this and you know what? That’s just fine with me.
It can be read here or in AO3! Enjoy <3
Castiel was brighter than the sun, and he was beautiful. He was the most terrifying thing Dean had ever seen, because somewhere in there, he could still see Cas, the old Cas. He let Crowley go. Dean was going to kill that demon, but- later. Later, when they got out of here and got Sammy put back together.
Then Castiel blew Raphael up with nothing more than a snap of his fingers, and their most formidable adversary, after all these months, was suddenly just a bloody smear on the wall. The last Apocalyptic threat, gone, just like that, leaving Dean and Bobby alone with a Cas-gone-nuclear.
They were so, so fucked.
Cas looked over to Dean, his face softening incrementally but still distinctly smug.
"So you see," he said, turning away from Dean and moving as if to inspect his explosive handiwork, "I saved you."
Dean Winchester is saved.
“You sure did, Cas,” Dean said faintly, drifting further into Cas’s orbit as if somehow compelled. Castiel didn’t acknowledge him, keeping his back turned, his spine ramrod straight. Damage control. Holy fucking shit, damage control right now. “Thank you.”
“You doubted me. Fought against me.” He slowly turned to face Dean, a mockery of their first meeting in that rundown barn years ago, tilting his head the same way, his blue eyes the same limitless color and just as mesmerizing, but somehow about a million times more unsettling. “But I was right all along.”
Dean’s stomach swooped. “Okay, Cas, you were. We’re sorry,” he added quickly, his breath shallow and shaky. “Now let’s just defuse you, okay?” he suggested, the words cumbersome and heavy in his mouth.
Cas narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly before relaxing again. “What do you mean?” he asked icily.
Dean forged on desperately. “You’re full of nuke. It’s not safe, so before the eclipse ends, let’s get them souls back to where they belong.” Oh, he felt like he was going to be sick. Please, Cas, please just listen to me…
“Oh, no, they belong with me,” Cas countered, his tone almost patronizing, like he was speaking to a child.
“No, Cas,” Dean interrupted before his brain or his fear could catch up to him. “It’s- it’s scrambling your brain.”
“No, I’m not finished yet,” he said firmly, with the ghost of a cold smile tugging on his features. “Raphael had many followers, and I must-” Cas paused, choosing his words, “punish them all severely,” he finished deliberately.
Bobby’s eyes darted over to Dean. He was visibly horrified.
Okay. One last effort. Okay.
Dean shoved down his fear and tried again. “Listen to me.” He stepped closer to Cas, swallowing hard as his voice fought to stick in his throat and looking steadily into his eyes. “Listen- I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge. But we were family, once,” he pleaded. “I’d have died for you. I almost did a few times.” Castiel’s face remained impassive but Dean continued. “So if that means anything to you- please,” he begged, abandoning his pride. “I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, and now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you too.”
Castiel wrenched his eyes away from Dean’s and cast his gaze down to the floor between them. Was he considering it?
“You don’t need this kind of juice anymore, Cas,” he tried to reason. “Get rid of it before it kills us all.”
A beat.
“You’re just saying that because I won,” Cas mused, raising his gaze back up to look at Dean again, pinning him there like a specimen under a microscope. “Because you’re afraid . You’re not my family, Dean,” he said, closing the remaining distance between them until he stood less than an arm’s reach away, positively radiating power, the air vibrating with it. “You’re just… human.”
His eyes lingered on Dean’s face, tracing his freckles, his eyelashes. Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t seem to find it. Castiel’s face hardened into stone, his next words iron. “I have no family.”
The words rang in Dean’s ears, banging about his brain and battering it into despair. It felt like a small death, his heart pulling on his ribs as he floundered for a new angle to pursue.
And then Sam was there, behind Castiel, and he just stabbed him with an angel blade, and Cas was swaying just a bit with the blade still stuck in his back as Sam gasped for air behind him, clearly distressed and stumbling backwards.
Dean froze, horrified.
What the FUCK were you thinking, Sam?
But- oh. Oh god.
Cas wasn’t dead. It didn’t work. His brain buzzed blankly with a static-y sensation of bewilderment as Cas reached around himself and pulled out the blade- shiny, clean, utterly free of blood- with an alarming squelching noise.
"I'm glad you made it, Sam," Cas said in a distressingly level voice, placing the newly-extricated angel blade on the table in front of him before turning to glance at Sam. “But the angel blade won’t work, because I’m not an angel anymore,” he said, matter-of-fact as could be, as if he hadn’t just dropped yet another massive bomb on their lives. Sam looked to Bobby, his eyes wide, and Bobby shrugged back minutely, similarly floored.
Look at me, Cas, leave Sammy alone, you’ve done enough-
As if he heard Dean’s thoughts- fuck, was he praying?- Castiel turned back to Dean and met his eyes. “I’m your new God,” he said, with an air of authority and immense self-satisfaction permeating his words. “A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you.”
Bobby’s eyes widened in the periphery of Dean’s vision as time seemed to swirl and slow down to a crawl- clearly, he hadn’t expected this either.
Sammy was strung out and swaying on his feet behind Cas, his eyes darting and rolling over the room as he rode out the hellish things that tormented him in his head, seemingly incapable of reacting to the gravity of the situation as what Cas had done put him out of his mind with fear.
In the span of a heartbeat, Dean made his choice. He had no choice.
He fell to his knees.
The crack of bone on hard tile was near agony. His gun clattered uselessly to the ground beside him as he shifted his gaze to land somewhere around the hem of Castiel’s coat. He couldn’t look at his face. Couldn’t meet his eyes. It was almost impossible to believe the terrifying figure before him was once his closest friend, and had saved him from Heaven and Hell alike before he had turned into whatever this was.
His throat was dry. He forced himself to swallow, drawing his tongue over his bottom lip as he tried to find the right words.
Bobby started to kneel, too. Survival instincts, probably. He’d have never gotten this old without them, anyway.
“My lord,” he began hesitantly.
The new God waved his hand dismissively at the title. “Castiel.”
“Castiel,” Dean corrected himself. Great start, you fuck up. “Cas, I swore my obedience to Heaven, once. To God, and his angels. To you,” his voice cracked as he risked a glance at the former angel. His eyes were like fire. Glowing. Unreal.
Bobby interrupted: “Dean, no-”
But Castiel snapped up a hand, palm out, and Bobby’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. “You will be silent,” Castiel ordered, his eyes never leaving Dean. He looked intrigued by Dean’s sudden compliance and admission. “I’d like to hear what you have to say, Dean. What can you possibly say to justify your lack of faith in me up until now? I could have cast you back into the pit, and Sam, too, had I not done this, all of it, for you.”
“I know you did, Cas,” Dean said. “Thank you. I- thank you. You were right, about everything, and I should have listened to you. I was wrong. I should have trusted you.” The words tasted like poison in his mouth. A part of him meant it. A part of him was just desperate enough to say anything. The rest of him wanted to see the cold monster in front of him dead. But how could he turn back now, without sentencing them all to death? If he played his cards right, he might even be able to save Castiel. Surely if he could get him to let go of those souls, he’d start to see reason, would be Cas again. But he was getting ahead of himself. Gotta think a little more short-term, right now. Band-aids and duct tape, not trauma surgery.
“I was blind,” Dean said, “and proud. I took you for granted, and I can do better. Be better. For- for you.”
He had never felt so weak. Groveling to his dad was different. He was his dad’s son, sure, but there was no love there. It was all survival, clinical, even his rage and his fists when Dean didn’t do enough to earn his mercy were detached. Duty and discipline and disappointment. This was different. It was hot with near-tears, messy and filled with grief for a man who wasn’t even dead. He wasn’t lying earlier when he told Cas he was like a brother to him. It was the closest comparison he had for what the angel was to his heart. He had never needed anyone like he needed Castiel- because he wasn’t Sammy, or Bobby, or Lisa, or Ben, or Cassie, or any other category of need. He was just Cas. And Dean wanted him in his life. Or he used to, anyway.
“I don’t know what I can do to make it right between us, Cas,” he said, his throat tightening slightly. “But I want to,” Dean offered, looking down in shame. “I want to be-” he choked out.
“What do you want, Dean?” Castiel asked, taking another step forward, the very picture of authority and control. One more step and Dean could reach out and touch him. The air was electric, heady with power as it positively radiated from his body.
He lifted his head to meet Castiel’s eyes in a pose of supplication, his knees aching, his eyes burning with tears as the situation started to overwhelm him. “I want to be forgiven,” he gasped out. “Cas, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive us.”
“And Sam’s betrayal?” Castiel inquired, casting new fear into Dean’s heart. “He stabbed me in the back. And he has not knelt as you have. Why should I offer him mercy?” he mused.
“Look at him, Cas,” Dean said quietly. Sam was hunched over on the floor in the corner, holding his head in his hands, rocking slightly into the wall and pushing off of it again in a strange repetitive motion. “He can’t follow any of this. I don’t think he even knows where we are. It’s been getting worse as time passes. He was slightly more coherent an hour ago, but-” Dean shook his head. “I think he was just trying to protect me. I don’t think he even knew who you were, just- saw a threat and tried to take it out.”
Cas made a noncommittal little noise, glancing over to where Sam had retreated.
“Cas,” Dean said, drawing his attention back to himself. “He didn’t know what he was doing. Can you try to forgive him that?” he pleaded as the first tear escaped and ran down his cheek.
“And in return?”
“Anything,” Dean swore. “Just- Cas, please. I’ll do anything. I will, I swear it. Just please help Sammy.”
“It won’t be as easy as you think,” Castiel warned. “I want your trust, Dean. I want the bond we once had, and your submission to my better judgement, untainted by your... fear.” His voice turned hungry, reminiscent of when they worked that killer Cupid case last year and it turned out to be Famine. To be on the receiving end of desire of that magnitude was by turns exhilarating and horrifying. “I want your love.”
“Cas,” Dean said faintly, unable to tear his eyes away from his friend’s face even as Bobby attempted to fight his holy gag order from his place next to him. “I… I’ll try. For you,” he added, trying to add a note or resolve to his voice as his thoughts roared in fear and grappled with the idea, stuck on the precipice of this terrible new unknown he had run up against. But he truly had no choice. Sink or swim.
“I swear, Cas,” he said, raising his hand to his heart, “I’ll try.”
Castiel’s eyes softened. They stopped glowing.
Suddenly, for a moment, he looked just like himself. More than that, he looked heartbreakingly human.
He moved suddenly, sending Dean’s heart sprinting again for what felt like the hundredth time that day.
But he didn’t hurt him. He didn’t hurt Sam, or smite Bobby, or engage in any sort of holy wrath. He just kneeled, in front of Dean, and clasped his clammy hands briefly in his own warm, dry ones before shifting them both to his right hand and raising his right palm to Dean’s cheek, his eyes darting over his features with an air of disbelieving gratitude. It was so...
Castiel had lovely hands, Dean noticed. Strong, soft, and broad, with a gentle grip and long, agile fingers. So different from Dean’s own hands, already scarred from the last few years of wear and tear since his resurrection. Of course, he’d noticed before. Noticed that sort of thing about Castiel, how he used his hands to fight, to pray, to eat and to comfort, how they looked drenched in blood and how they looked at rest. How they looked striking a blow to his own face, and how they looked when he healed him. They were one of a million things Dean knew about him better than he knew himself.
“Oh, Dean,” he said softly, “That’s all I ask of you. Just try. Lift up your heart to me, and I will give you everything.”
Dean inhaled sharply, his chest tight as he leaned into the touch. "It's yours," he breathed out, "It's all yours, Cas."
Castiel smiled, and the world fell away.
Tagging in some people who I think might be interested, just dm me to be added or removed: @castieljew @dependsupon @autisticandroids @sunforgrace @heller-jensen @lateral-org @cactuscas @adhdeancas @icaruscastiel @holmesemrys @evermorecastiel @yana125 @faithcastiel @good-things-do-happen-dean @i-sing-for-me @whatevr-4evr @sonder-stars @jeanne-de-valois
#destiel#castiel#dean winchester#deancas#my fic#destiel fic#ao3 link#a sacrament to be taken kneeling series#astbtk series#godstiel#this is all catholicnatural baby#catholicnatural#dm me to be added to/removed from tags#inspired by a castieljew post#castieljew#dependsupon#autisticandroids#sunforgrace#heller-jensen#lateral-org#cactuscas#adhdeancas#icaruscas#holmesemrys#evermorecastiel#yana125#faithcastiel#good-things-do-happen-dean#i-sing-for-me#whatevr-4evr
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