#i wrote this in 2021 and just stumbled on it again! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonshinemagpie · 11 months

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thoughts on beautiful sick bodies

i have some kind of joint disease that is yet to be diagnosed. im in and out of the rheumatology department of my hospital all the time now, and sometimes i get scared, or angry, or resentful, because i dont like that im 25 and might end up disabled or in a wheelchair or whatever

and i know that happens to a lot of folks, but im scared of losing my strength, and my youth, and my grace, and my dignity, and my independence, and my and my and—

but today my rheumatologist’s waiting room was completely packed, and about 90% of the patients were women, probably reflecting how these autoimmune diseases tend to dwell in our bodies more frequently. and there were all these women using a wider variety of canes and walkers and wheelchairs than i ever realized existed.

i saw one woman walking with a cane that wrapped around her forearm, so she was able to control it with her arm instead of having to press down on her wrist. and my whole body is so tired and sore, my wrists especially, and the moment i saw her cane i wanted one for myself. and then suddenly my whole perspective shifted in a way im not sure i can articulate:

she was cool. she had this dope cane and she could get around without exacerbating her pain. she outsmarted a disease. she was a fiery, beautiful genius.

and then all at once all the ladies in the waiting room seemed so cool, so unutterably beautiful.

i had crushes on all of them. the two friends maybe in their 60s who were yakking at each other, their canes occasionally clinking together as they shifted their heads together in talk i couldn’t keep up with. the woman who was sleeping across three chairs like she didnt give a fuck, took up the space her body needed her to take up, because chronic fatigue is a dick.

i heard a cane clinking down the hallway quite quickly and rhythmically. i closed my eyes and vividly imagined it belonged to someone tall, handsome, dangerous—kaz brekker came to mind, all strong and resilient and sexily masculine, because the cane clinked with such speed that it announced a certain confidence in its user.

and then the cane user turned the corner, and i saw it was a little old woman in her 80s. she was completely stooped over, her spine entirely curved, just as mine very well could be some day. and she was all the grace and beauty and cool ive ever wanted to be. kaz brekker wishes he were she. she moved so beautifully, and all at once i wasnt afraid of reaching her level of disability, not if i could move through the world like her.

I know this is really dramatic. A few weeks ago I had no idea my body was this sick. A few weeks ago I had no idea what knee pain might feel like, which seems like a joke now. But since learning that I’m sick in this way i’ve discovered how much ableism i’ve internalized. somehow being surrounded by disabled women today healed this nasty little voice that’s been eating at me psychologically while the disease gnawed at my bones.

like, hot damn. people are fucking beautiful.

#disability #disease #chronic disease #arthritis #i wrote this in 2021 and just stumbled on it again!#i still agree with this #wild to think i was scared of becoming disabled #wow i had no idea what i was in for

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velvetydream · 29 days

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꒰ :🥀 [ Meet by Fate - Welcome to Aurora ] ”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯

Part 1 - Meet by fate

Summary : It was a normal day for you or so you though, while enjoying one of your last walks through the town and docks, you meet some strange people.

Pairing : Pirate! Kim Hongjoong x fem! Reader

Word count : 1981 Words

Genre : Fluff, Romance , Slow burn

Warnings ➵ None??

a/n : First part of this new story! Also don't worry only the first 4 chapters will be a bit shorter, bcs those are the ones I wrote back in 2021, new ones will defi be longer!♡

《 Masterlist 》

┌───────────────────────── · · · · ♡

Being the princess of a mighty and powerfull king was definitely not always easy. You had duties to full fill, always had to be formal and like the perfect little princess everyone wanted to make you out to be.

But for what? You had no freedom, no say what to do in your life, who to marry and what not and all this would be even much worse soon.

Just recently did your father announce that you would to be married to Prince Chris of some really wealthy island, did you want that? No, of course not.

You may have meet him a few times, he wasn't a bad guy at all, you just didn't want to get married this young and on top only for the sake of your kingdoms economy. But your mother always told you, a princess had to marry a prince, even though you never understood that, why couldn't a prince or princess rule their kingdom alone? And maybe even find love someday and marry the person you love. Beside you weren't even next for the throne, it was your brother Jae.

And that arranged marriage got you to where you were right now, taking one of your last strolls through your town, through the dock and seeing all the lively and happy townspeople, this all would come to an end soon. Wanting to taste this freedom one last time, before your would be selled off to another kingdom, much to your dissmay.

Not watching where your feet took you, you bumped quit hardly into someone, making you stumble and fall to the ground. Of course wanted one of your guards to immediately run to you, but you stopped them, as soon as you noticed the hand of the stranger you bumped into extend towards you.

"I'm so sorry miss, I should've watched where I was going, are you hurt in any way?" The stranger asked as you take his hand in yours and let yourself be helped up, just now you noticed how pretty the man in front of you truely was.

He looked like some kind of prince, he had blond hair and a almost perfect face, you never knew someone so pretty was living in your town. "Don't worry, I'm fine." Eyeing your guard, you make it clear to him to stay back.

"May I ask for your name? I think I never saw you around." Looking at the pretty stranger, he immediately starts to smile, making him a lot more attractive. "My name is Seonghwa Miss, may I ask about your too?" Starting to smile, you answer him, making his eyes go slightly bigger, he probably knew now that you were the princess. "So you're probably the princess I assume, I'm again very sorry for my manners your highness." Seonghwa apologises again, after you confirmed to him that you indeed are the princess.

"Seonghwa, Yunho is looking for you, he wants to know what you got in this town." A man talked, slowly approaching the two of you, he was slightly shorter than Seonghwa, had brown hair and just now did you notice how odly dressed both were. "Ah Hongjoong, I'm sorry, I got caught up in a conversation with the princess." The man, Hongjoong, now stood beside him, eyeing you up and down. "The princess huh? It's a pleasure to meet you, your highness." Hongjoong starts talking to you, giving a smile your way, these guys really seemed somewhat odd.

Seonghwa quickly left after Hongjoongs arrival, making the it to be only the two of you now, if you ignore your guard at that.

"So, what brings the princess into the town? Shouldn't you be in your castle?" Hongjoong now asks, he still seemed somewhat strange, but you tried to ignore this feeling. You explained to him, that you would be married to some wealthy prince soon and wanted to taste the last bit of freedom you could get, making him slightly chuckle, which offended you just a slight bit. "And what buisness brings you here?" Asking this, got you another chuckle from the man in front of you.

"We are just stocking up on some supplies before we set sail again." Hongjoong explains, making it clear though, that he doesn't want to go further into detail about his stop in your town.

"We'll still be here for two days, find us if you need anything princess." The odd man bows slightly and makes his way to a ship, further away from the other ships, written on it stays 'Aurora', probably the ships name. Just as he walks away do you notice the sword and revolver on his belt, which makes you even more suspicious of the man and his ship. Even the way of dressing was different, to what you normally saw sailors in, which ment they probably are something different.

For now you decided to go back to the castle, not wanting to upset your parents by not showing up to dinner.

Which wasn a good idea too, at dinner your father, the king, talked about some pirates having a stop in the harbor, much to his dismay. Thinking back, Hongjoong and Seonghwa kind of gave off this dangerous aura of pirates, even though they seemed nice, there was something strange about them, maybe you really meet the pirates.

"Also . . Chris will arrive in three days, so we cam prepare the wedding." Your mother announced and immediately after she said that, your appetite was gone, of course this had to be brought up just now. Laying your utensils down, you tap your mouth with the napkin.

"Excuse me, I'll go to my chambers now, I want to sleep early and visit the town again, goodnight father, mother, brother." Now standing up and making your way out of the big dining hall and in the direction of your chambers.

Falling on your soft bed, you let out a quit sight, what would you give to not marry that prince, what would you give for freedom, hell you would give up you royal blood if that meant freedom.

Opening the balcon doors, you walk to the edge, eyes on the dock now, eyeing the ship with the writing Aurora on it. What would you give for their freedom. To roam the seas, free of rules and duties.

Shaking your head you make your way inside again, you shouldn't think like that it's your duty to serve your kingdom and ensure it's wealth, even if that meant giving up your freedom. Getting ready for bed now, you think about the things to do tomorrow in town, maybe visit the little bakery or the florist.

With your thoughs by the next day, you fall into a deep sleep.

Getting up the next day, you got dressed in something light again, ate with your family before making your way into town again, followed by your guard of course.

The first stop was the bakery, getting yourself a little muffin, which you ate while walking, it doesn't matter anymore if you have to keep a good look as the princess, soon you wouldn't be here anymore either way. So why not enjoy your time.

Walking along the dock again, you found yourself in front of the writing Aurora again, not really knowing how you got there, your guard now closer than before, probably knowing who this ship belonged to.

"Hey pretty girl! Got lost?" A voice called from the ship and as you looked up, you were meet with yet another handsom man, looking down at you from the ship. His hair was similar to Seonghwas, just did his hair have an ashy undertone. "Wanna get on board?" The blonde man asked with a big grin on his lips, before a slap landed on his head. "Don't invited strangers on this ship, Hongjoong will get mad at you Wooyoung." A brown haired man told Wooyung now and by now you really asked yourself how all of them could be so handsome.

"Good thing she isn't a stranger, come on up, you can take a look at the ship." Called a voice you already knew, Seonghwa walked by you, a big bag in his hand, and to the direction of the small bridge connecting the ship and dock.

A look at your guard and he was standing still, while you followed Seonghwa excitet onto the ship called Aurora.

When you stood on the railing the little bridge was connected to, the man called Wooyoung held out his hand for you to take, which you gladly took and thanked him of course.

"And Jongho, be nice to the princess." Seonghwa told the brown haired man over his shoulder, making his eyes go wide, same goes for Wooyung.

"Wait you're the princess? Like a real life princess of this kingdom?" Wooyoung asked in shock, looking you up and down real quick, making you giggle slightly. "I am indeed still the princess of this kingdom." After you answered, your eyes immediately wandered across the ship, out of curiosity.

Wooyung immediately offered to show you the ship, taking the offer gladly, following Wooyoung around, meanwhile Jongho stayed back with a slight look of distrust towards you.

"Don't be to intimidated by Jongho, he is actually a really nice guy." Wooyoung explains to you, walking up a small set of stairs to the quarter deck, where the steering wheel was, from that point you could see the whole ship, which was quit impressive.

Following Wooyoung down the stairs again, you now could make out two new voices you never heard before, talking to Jongho. As you looked up, you weren't believing this world anymore, there again stood two handsome man and by now you believe everyone on this ship is handsome.

One of the mand had dark brown hair with reddish streaks in them and about average height, while the other one was quit tall, with brown, slightly swept back hair.

"Wait we have the princess on board right now?" The one with reddish streaks in his hair asks surprised, Wooyoung who heard everything laughed, making the group turn towards the two of you.

"She is pretty!" The brown haired one immediately said, going over to the two of you and holding out his hand, which you shake smiling, while he introduces himself. "I'm Mingi, it's a pleasure to meet your princess." Now the other man stood by Mingi, he was giving you a charming grin. "I'm San, did you meet the whole crew by now?" San asked and just when you wanted to answer, echoed a thud amogst the deck and boots clicking against the wooden flooring.

"Even if she didn't, she won't, cause she will be going now, this is not the place for a princess. Who even let her on here?" Hongjoongs voice echoed over the ship, right now he was obviously a pirate, a pirate hat sitting among his brownish hair, as he now looked over at Seonghwa, who spoke up.

"I let her on, she was curious and I saw no harm in it." Seonghwa answered, making Hongjoong roll his eyes just slightly, by now you could assume Hongjoong was the captain of this ship.

"Maybe for her, but I definitely don't want to be executed, when the king finds her here." Jongho spoke up, but keeping quit again after Hongjoong send a glare his way.

"He is right, the small talk was fine, but this isn't, I'm sorry but you have to go princess." After this sentence, Hongjoong makes his way into his cabine, giving Seonghwa one last look, probably making it clear to get you off the ship.

"I still hope you had a good time." A few smiles were send your way as Seonghwa layed a hand on your lower back and guided you off the ship, you waved one last time, Wooyoung and Mingi waving back, with a sad pout on both their face, making you giggle.

Making your way back to your guard now, you tell him to get going to the castle again, making him swear to keep the event today to himself and not tell anyone.

Back at the castle was wating a unpleasant surprise for you though . . .

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sleeping-sirens · 1 year

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lips ღ lee jeno

pairing : jeno x fem reader (reader is called sweetheart but could also be gn)

genre : soulmate!au (telepathy + matching tattoos + healing bond + mind reading), established relationship, fluff, romance, a bit of angst if you squint.

summary : jeno had come yet again from another one of his underground fights, all bruised and scratched up and reader is so worried about him.

word count : 1944 words.

warnings : mentions of blood, injuries, wounds, kisses, slightly suggestive towards the end.

a/n : i wrote this oneshot back in 2021 :0 so not that proud of it :(

i’m publishing it here mainly for 🍬 anon! thank you for your sweet words and encouragement, hope you like it 😔

masterlist

buy me a coffee 🥹🫶🏼

Heart racing inside your chest, you're pacing around the room while nervously fiddling with your fingers. A deep sigh leaves your clogged throat, wanting nothing more than to crumble and succumb to your sobs.

Your lips are bruised by now from how much you've been biting on them for the past hour. Your eyes roam around the room feeling lost in a world of your own, fear and worrisome bubbling from the pit of your stomach and crawling up your throat, lining your eyes with tears. You don't want to let your weakness take over you. At least not until he comes back.

The black screen of the TV is matching the sky outside, dark and lonely with only you in the middle, not knowing what to do and how to react. The broadcast has ended long ago, and you're now just waiting impatiently for Jeno to return home.

The clock hanging on the wall behind you seems to tick more slowly than ever, the sound of it resonating in the eerily silent living room, conducting an irregular melody with your staggering breaths accompanied by your crazy heartbeats.

Without noticing, your teeth take your fingers hostage, your nerves weighing down on you and tugging on your heartstrings like it's their last lap in a competitive race with nobody but you. Anxiety clouds your mind with thoughts that refrain you from thinking straight. On top of being worried about him, you're furious at yourself for being in this state while he needs you the most right now.

Taking your head in between your hands, you clasp the sides of your face and shut your eyes, completely messed up and failing at concentrating on what you should do. With many attempts at activating your telepathy connection with Jeno, you fall victim to the trap made only by you.

When you hear faint knocks on the door, you stumble around to open it. Your eyes meet two pairs of eyes already looking at you with pain swirling inside them, anticipating your reaction. In the middle of your frenzied state, you notice the slumped body squished between Doyoung and Jaemin, shoulders dropping as if he has no bones to hold his muscles up and head looking down feebly.

Your arms fly to your soulmate, and you hug him tightly, forgetting about his bruised body, and he lets out a pained wince, causing you to take a step back and open the door wider for his friends to get him inside the house. Pressing your lips together to conceal the sob that wants to leave your body, you heavy-heartedly look at him struggling to walk on his feet.

They gently put him down on the couch, tucking his shivering body under the fuzzy blanket that you had already prepared for him. You saunter to the kitchen and pull a bottle of water from the fridge, returning quickly to the living room before you crouch down in front of him, handing the bottle to him.

Unable to make a move, Jeno only lifts his arm to shield his eyes from the blinding lights assaulting his blurry vision. Concern filling you to the brim, you sigh, lowering your head on the couch, reaching over to hold his hand.

Doyoung nudges Jaemin and they both exchange knowing gazes, silently getting out of the apartment and leaving you two alone.

"My precious boy..." You whisper, getting closer to Jeno's burning body and brushing the blue strands of hair sticking to his forehead from sweat.

"Can you please turn off the lights?" He croaks out gruffly, voice hoarse and weak from the lack of energy in his body.

You immediately oblige and run back to him, only having the side lamp as a source of light. You hesitantly push his arm away from his eyes so that you can see his face. His eyes gently open to focus on you, but in vain, your face still looks blurry to him. Jeno throws his head back with a groan, doubling his efforts to sit up straight on the couch.

"Come here," He welcomes you to his stretched arms and you carefully join him, cocooning yourself in his warm embrace.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep you company on your way back," You shyly admit. "I couldn't bring myself to concentrate."

"It's okay, sweetheart." Jeno winces in pain when he wraps his arms around you and you worriedly look up at him.

You can clearly see his face now. Bloody scratches are littering his entire face, some cuts too deep with dried blood circling them, and some still fresh and glistening with crimson. The corner of his left eye is turning blue as your eyes travel all over his face, and when your vision settles down, you see the corner of his lips bruised and damaged badly than the other parts of his face.

Sensing you looking at him, Jeno glances down at you and tries his hardest to smile at you without triggering his wounds, but he fails badly, which causes him to groan and hiss at how painful his injuries are. Your fingers hesitantly fly up to his lips, gently skimming over the dried blood, and he closes his eyes, concentrating on your healing touch.

Your senses perk up and you close your eyes to activate the healing bond between you and your soulmate, scooting your body as close to his as possible, uniting your emotions and thoughts and making your souls feel like one.

Jeno hums in contentment, feeling the bond gradually getting to every injury and bruise in his body, sucking in the warmth you're spreading all over him and healing him in more ways than one. He's feeling grateful to have you by his side when he needs you the most, and he wants you to know just that.

"I'm sorry," He suddenly says, leaning his head on top of yours that's resting on his shoulders, and caressing your side with the gentle tips of his fingers.

You heavily sigh, not wanting to break weak in front of him again. Not because he hates it or because you feel ashamed, but this isn't the first time he's come home all scratched up and you have to heal him.

You're always worrying about him during and after each fight.

You have made your opinion about him doing underground fighting clearer than the gleaming linings of the moon that you both have as a soulmate symbol on your wrists, glowing upon your skins and defining you, and bonding you in the universe until the end of times.

The last thing you both want is to upset the other and as much as he knows how much you don't like what he's doing, he can't stop it, and you can't force him to. At first, it was hard to accept it and you guys have had countless fights over this, but as your bond grew strong, your love grew unconditional that you just couldn't let anything separate you.

You're not ready for such heartbreak.

"You don't have to apologize every time you come home after a fight."

"Yes, but-"

"No buts please," you silence him gently. "I'm not mad at you and I will never get mad at you, baby."

"But you're worried now." He insists.

"I'm not." You avoid his eyes.

Jeno bites his lower lips before gliding his tongue across the surface, placing his index and middle finger under your chin to lift your head up. He anchors his piercingly soft gaze on you and you can't help but maintain the eye contact with him, heat slowly bubbling inside your tummy and traveling up your body to reach your face, tinting your cheeks with a rosy blush.

"Don't lie to me," He whispers, leaning his face closer to yours until you're a breath away from each other. You unconsciously part your lips and close your eyes, enjoying his heavy and warm closeness. “I can read your mind."

"I know," you breathe out. "But I also want you to know that I'm not mad and I will never be mad at you for choosing to do something you love. Yes, I get worried, sometimes I feel like my heart will burst out of my chest when I'm watching your fights broadcasts, but I will never force you to stop."

Jeno keeps looking at you with glistening eyes, admiring your supportive words of encouragement and falling deeper and more in love with you than he has ever been. The feelings thumping through his heart with every beat strengthen the soulmate bond, making your own heart speed up its race and causing your breath to hitch inside your throat.

The fingers caressing your chin travel up your face, delivering feather-like touches that leave your skin burning with a new fiery glaze that naturally pulls your body closer to him.

His thumb runs down the side of your face before settling down on your bottom lip, anticipation building up inside of you with every passing second and as Jeno grazes the pad of his finger over your bottom lip, you let out a hitched breath before gaining control over the situation and pulling away from him.

"I really want to kiss you right now," Jeno admits, looking deeply into your eyes and not planning to look anywhere else but at you.

"Your lip is bruised," you reply with a concern-filled voice, and Jeno shakes his head at that.

"Kiss me to make it better." He brushes his nose with yours and slides his arm up from your waist to secure it on the back of your neck. "It'll speed up the healing process."

Before you get the chance to refuse, Jeno's lips softly lay on top of yours. At this moment, nothing matters as you let yourself free fall in love with the softness of his cushion-like lips.

At first, he starts slowly, making sure not to get ahead of himself and feel the pain of the cuts lining his lips. He delivers small kisses, guiding you slowly until you fall into a rhythmic momentum and you both relish in the melodious harmony blooming from within your bond.

Little by little, you both start to feel greedy. It's like your lips have a mind of their own, guiding your bodies even closer together. You place your palms on his chest, the crazy beats of his heart speaking to you from under his skin-tight black shirt.

His staccato breaths send your mind into overdrive and you mindlessly let out a satisfied hum, igniting a fire inside of him he doesn't think he can control. Having you under his arms, with your lips molding against his and your heated body clinging onto his is only encouraging him to push you back on the sofa, landing gently on top of you.

The closeness between you two is helping his body heal faster than he expected. With gentle yet deep kisses, Jeno gets all the energy he needs and you're there to give it all to him.

"I love you." He whispers in between kisses. "So, so much."

Nobody says that love is easy, but when it's with the right person, it exceeds all the boundaries and restrictions and conquers it all.

And as Jeno pulls away from your lips, eyes closed, chest heaving and face heated, you glance up at him with astonishment and appreciation because if he weren't your soulmate, you'd break all the rules just to find him and love him again and again.

"Now that I've secured yet another win," he starts, smiling gently yet sinfully. "Let's celebrate, our own way."

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pinchofhoney · 1 year

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Hi!! How are you doing? I wanted to send in a request for your celebration, please!! But first, congratulations for this milestone!! Ot's amazing!! 🥳 I would like to make a fluffy request for Ben Barnes with prompt n°2 in the fluff list (the one with the playlist). I don't have a plot or anything of the kind, but as we know how important music is for Ben, and that he often makes playlists (for his roles for example), I thought it would suit him. I hope you feel inspired by this idea. I hope you have a nice day, and congratulations again!!! 💕

if only my heart had a voice # 200 follower special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

fluff prompt two: “make me a playlist sometime, will you?”

credits to ben barnes and his 2021 instagram story

ben barnes x reader

word count: 1.5k

warning: none, just another fluff, no use of y/n

summary: Music has the power to tap into our memories and stir up deep-seated emotions. And the beauty of it is that each time we hear a song, it can bring back those same memories and feelings as vividly as the first time we experienced them.

a/n: hello<33 i'm great, thank you! i hope you're doing great too and the upcoming weekend will be the good one!! thank you for your request, i hope you will be satisfied enough with what i have prepared and that the level of sweetness is just right for a fluff queen<3 and if not, i hope the video i found will melt your heart so much that what i wrote will no longer matter

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

taglist: @wolfmoonmusic @myladydarkling @alexxavicry

The chilly evening had settled in, with the frosty breath of winter creeping in through every nook and cranny of the cozy house. You sat perched on the soft leather stool at your boyfriend's grand piano, your fingers tentatively hovering over the ivory keys. You were wrapped in a fluffy, knitted blanket that had been lovingly crafted by your mother, with its comforting weight enveloping you with warmth.

The fire in the nearby hearth crackled and sputtered, throwing sparks and shadows onto the walls of the room. The flickering flames illuminated the piano in a warm and inviting glow, casting dancing shadows across the polished wood of the instrument.

The room was filled with a plenty of comforting details. Starting with soft and cozy throw rug, which was spread out in front of the fireplace, inviting you to curl up on it and bask in the warmth of the fire, a nearby shelf stacked with an assortment of books and ending with a collection of photographs from your travels with Ben, adorning the walls with captured cherishing memories and moments frozen in time.

But your attention was focused on the piano, and the notes that Ben had taught you the previous night. With a deep breath, you began to play, trying not to make any mistakes and the sound of the piano filled the room and bring a sense of comfort and peace.

The keys felt cool and smooth beneath your fingertips, the weight of each note echoing through the room. Unfortunately, you weren't as skilled at playing the piano as you had hoped to be. Every now and then, your fingers would stumble over the keys, causing you to furrow your brow in frustration. Your perfectionist nature demanded immediate success, but the intricacies of the music proved to be a challenge, especially for a person like you who had never really been in touch with the piano.

You let out a defeated sigh, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. But just as you were about to give up, you heard the sound of Ben's footsteps approaching. He entered the living room, carrying two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, the rich aroma of cocoa and marshmallows filling the air.

“Hey there,” he said with a warm smile, placing the mugs on a small table nearby. He sat down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. “How's the practicing going?”

You couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, shaking your head in mild embarrassment. “Don't act as if you haven't heard that sound of failure,” you said, feeling a sense of comfort as you leaned into his embrace.

Ben responded with a soft laughter, his arms tightening around you. “Don't be so hard on yourself, love,” he reassured you. “Learning to play an instrument takes time and practice. You're doing great, and you'll get there.”

You let out a deep sigh, feeling a sense of impatience with your progress. “But I want to be there now,” you muttered, poking out your lower lip in frustration.

“Has anyone ever told you before that you're impatient?” he laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “You've only been playing for a week, my dear. Give yourself some time.”

You couldn't help but smile at his teasing tone, feeling a sense of warmth spread through your body. Ben always had a way of making you feel better, even when you were feeling frustrated or down.

“Maybe I would have been better at it if my teacher wasn't so distracting,” you teased playfully, poking his side.

“Excuse me?” Ben's eyes widened in mock surprise. “Now it's my fault?” he asked in a playful tone, his lips curling up into a smile.

A sense of warmth enveloped you as you lifted your head to kiss Ben's jawbone, which was easily within reach from the way you were seated. There was something about being with him that made even the simplest of moments feel special. It was as if the world around you melted away, leaving just the two of you in a warm, cozy bubble.

After a peaceful moment of silence, with only the sounds of the fireplace crackling in the background, Ben asked with a smile, “Would you like to hear me play something?”

“Anything you like,” you replied, feeling the tender weight of his kiss on your head before he moved his hand away to make him more comfortable to play.

You scooted back a bit, tucking the blanket more tightly around you as though the room had suddenly grown colder without his closeness.

“Well?” Ben prompted, fingers poised above the keys.

You shrugged, unable to hide the grin on your face. You knew that anything he played would sound beautiful to you, and you savored each and every note that he brought to life on the piano. “Maybe something that reminds you of?”

Ben's eyes crinkled at the corners as he considered your request, his fingers dancing over the keys. Slowly, a familiar melody filled the room, and you couldn't help but close your eyes and let the music wash over you. It was the same song that had been playing on the radio during your first date, and the memories it brought back made you smile.

The notes seemed to transport you to another world, easing your worries and soothing your soul. The warmth of the room, the soft embrace of the blanket, and the gentle light from the flickering hearth cocooned you in a peaceful bubble.

After a moment, you opened your eyes and looked over at Ben. His eyes were closed, and he was completely lost in the music. The way his fingers moved effortlessly over the keys created a beautiful symphony, and you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of admiration and love for him. You noticed the way the firelight danced across his face, highlighting the features that you loved so much, and you felt grateful to be sharing this moment with him. There was no place you wanted to be more than here. With Ben.

As the melody came to an end, you let out a soft sigh, feeling as if you had just woken up from a beautiful dream. You looked back at Ben and saw that he was looking at you, his eyes filled with love and tenderness. “I love you,” you said what the first thing that popped into your head.

A small smile formed on Ben's lips as he heard your words. He reached out and took your hand in his, squeezing it gently. “I love you too, more than anything in this world,” he said softly, his eyes never leaving yours. You leaned in to give him a soft kiss, feeling more in love with him than ever before. As you snuggled up to him again, you felt a deep sense of joy, knowing that you were the luckiest woman in the world to have him in your life.

As you settled back into the cozy atmosphere, you thought of something that had been on your mind for a while. “Hey, make me a playlist sometime, will you?” you asked, looking up at Ben.

He looked a bit confused, as if he didn't understand why you were asking this all of a sudden. “A playlist?” he repeated.

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. “Yeah, I don't know why you haven't done it yet. I’d love to have the songs that you associate with me. With us. I think it would be nice to always have them with me.”

A smile spread across Ben's face as he understood your request. “Of course, love,” he said, leaning in to give you a loving kiss on the forehead. “I'll make you the most special playlist you've ever heard.”

You snuggled into him even more, feeling his warmth enveloping you. “You know, there are some songs that always remind me of you,” he said, his voice low and soothing. “Like the one we danced to in my trailer when you visited me on the set,” he chuckled as he recollected the moment. “Or that one we listened to on our picnic date while watching the sunset.”

You smiled at the memories that flooded your mind. “Yes, I remember,” you replied, feeling a sense of nostalgia mixed with happiness.

Ben reached for his phone and began scrolling through his music library. “Let's start with this one,” he said, pressing play on a song that you had never heard before. The music that filled the room stirred up emotions within you, and though you didn't recognize the song, it felt as if it was crafted for you and Ben alone. As you listened, you couldn't help but wonder about the other songs that Ben associated with your relationship, those that held a special place in his heart and reminded him of you every time he heard them.

As the night went on, Ben played song after song, each one more beautiful and meaningful than the last. And as you listened, you knew that this playlist would always hold a special place in your heart, a reminder of the love and happiness that you shared with the most important person in your life.

#pinchofhoney's special events #200 followers #200 follower special #200 follower celebration #ben barnes #ben barnes fanfic #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x you #no use of y/n #ben barnes imagine #ben barnes one shot #ben barnes prompt #ben barnes fluff #fluff #fluff prompt #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone fanfiction

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quaranmine · 6 months

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10 Years of Posting Fanfic: A Retrospective

(If you only care about reading my writing from when I was 12, skip to the cut)

I've always enjoyed reading as a kid. I was the kid in class who was reading at a high school level in intermediate school, and the kid who had 8 library books on her desk at a time. Therefore it is no surprise that I quickly realized that I enjoyed writing a lot too.

This post cannot be a look into when I started writing fanfiction though, because frankly I don't remember. Instead, all I have to go off of is the publishing date on my old fanfiction.net profile: December 15, 2013. I'm a little too young for the heyday of Live Journal and other fanfic sites, so ff.net was my first introduction to fanfiction. I also used to use Wattpad now and then, but I never posted anything there. I preferred ff.net, and did not make an AO3 account until 2016.

In middle school and intermediate school, if you asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd tell you I wanted to be a novelist. Of course my actual career went a different direction--I'm now an environmental outreach specialist. But the great news about writing is that it can be done at any time!

Fanfiction.net was also my introduction into the world of fanfic, back when I stumbled onto some Jayfeather Warrior Cats fanfic from a random google search. It took me entirely by suprise to find out that I could actually read more stories about my favorite characters! It was like stumbling into a gold mine. I still remember how thrilled I was. I was instantly hooked, despite being more than a little traumatized by instantly finding a "lemon" and reading about cat sex at probably 11 or 12 years old. Somehow, that did not stop me. I continued to avoid lemons, and developed a huge taste for angst, whump, and hurt/comfort stories. In retrospect, I'm not sure my mom would have viewed reading about torture or suicidal characters as particularly better than smut, but oh well. She never knew.

Throughout middle school and early high school, I was constantly writing. In middle school I had a notebook and used to hand write fanfics and original stories inside. I had two friends who also liked writing, and together we'd spend time developing and editing each other's stories. It's during this time I posted my first stories on FF.net. In high school, my school gave every student a chromebook laptop, and I started writing fanfic in Google Docs on that. I was fearless and had no problems writing angsty anime fanfic in class, on a school-monitored device.

I stopped writing fanfic somewhere in 10th grade, though I never stopped reading it. I stopped writing it primarily because I spent a lot of time writing other things. I was taking college classes. I doing competitive essay writing (I medalled at state) and competitive literary criticism. I was doing art competitions. In 12th grade, I had a job reporting school news to my local newspaper. I wrote op-eds about the environment and dutifully recorded hours of school board meetings to summarize. Then, I was properly off to college, and despite the pandemic hitting a year later I had classes to take online and a part time job outdoors. I had 60 page mock-environmental risk assessments to write. I was too busy to write fiction.

The MCYT fandom is what brought back my desire to write. The creativity of this fandom is so astounding, and I'm grateful all the time that I get to see the things everybody creates. Back in 2021, I no longer felt like I just wanted to read. I felt restless again, so I started writing a DSMP story about clingyduo at the disc war finale. I scrapped this, but it set things into motion again. In the summer of 2021 I posted my first two fanfics in years. I received such good feedback. By kudos, NWNF is my most popular fic on the site, and The Babysitting Game is still 4th most popular. I'm super grateful for that, and I'm grateful for everybody here who reads my stories. I still can't really comprehend that I post things that people actually read now. I save so many of your comments to keep for later.

I'll stop reviewing my history of writing here. You guys know the rest. I wrote HC, Evo, ESMP, and Life series oneshots. I wrote my first long fic, and then smashed that record by writing another longer one that I'm less than two chapters away from finishing. It's been a huge amount of fun and the improvements I've made in two years of active writing is super encouraging.

If I've made this much progress in 10 years, who's to say what I could do in 10 more years? I really look forward to it.

Anyway, the sappy stuff aside, who wants to read the story I wrote when I was 12? I'll post it below the cut in its entirety, no matter how much psychic damage it dealt me. It's Doctor Who, because of course it is. It always goes back to Doctor Who with me :)

From the TARDIS Files--A One-Shot Book

by: crazykatz430 <- I used to go by this everywhere

Description: This is a book of drabbles and one shots-nothing long will be found here, and it will not be updated frequently. Chapters will often have more than one short story in it. Rated T because I'm paranoid, don't know about what I'll end up writing in future chapters. All that said, enjoy! EDIT: CANCELLED

Published: 2013-12-15

Words: 1196

Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Humor/Adventure -

Characters: 11th Doctor, Clara O. - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 1

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

A/N: Okay, so this is a collection of four short (I mean SHORT) oneshots I wrote, most of them just drabbles. So far, this will be just a fic to update when I write more short oneshots in the freewrites on my English Class.

Disclaimer: I don't own DW but if I did… <- oh the early days back when we were all sticking disclaimers on things but not knowing why

There will be a linbreak for new oneshots, and a cat symbol (crazyKATZ430..it's in the name) for the time skips or point of view changes..

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

Without further ado, I present: Geronimo , Uploaded , The Forgotten , and Cemetery Nightmares .

Geronimo

Set: The Wedding of River Song

I don't know what to say. All my secrets, fears and enemies, they've all caught up to me. I've run too far, run for too long.

The prophecy states that silence will fall when the question is asked. The first question, the oldest and most important question. I do not know what the question is nor do I want to find out, for the silence that falls will be the silence of my death.

I do not want to do die here, at Lake Silencio, Utah, but it is a fixed point. It will always happen no matter how far or long I run from it. I don't want to die alone… don't want to make my love do it.

I have made a plan, one to hopefully save my life and the earth. Everyone will think I am dead, but it will be safer. They'll be safer from me.

Geronimo!

Now I know what to say, the same thing I've always said when adventure and danger and the unknown ensued…

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

Uploaded

Set: The wi-fi's first victim ;

"Where am I?" I whispered, scared. "Hello?"

I looked around myself, studying the surroundings. It was all strange to me, I'd n idea where I was.

I felt panic rising in my chest. "I don't know where I am!" I shrieked, becoming ever more terrified. "Somebody, please, help me! Where am I, I don't know where I am!"

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

I raced around the room looking for a way out of what appeared to be someone's bedroom. I gave a cry when I couldn't get out and I subconsciously returned to the computer. "Help me!" I screamed infrustration and fear, my heart racing as panic took over my body. "I don't know where I am!"

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

The wi-fi had taken its first victim.

The uploading had begun.

The Forgotten

Set: hmm… can't remember. Strange.

I was alone in a cold, dark room, no other living thing in sight.

I can't remember what I've forgotten. But if I can't remember what I've forgotten, then how do I know I forgot something?

But I wasn't alone.

How did I know that? There was nothing visible..yet I felt there was another creature in the room.

Sudden pure, unexplainable terror washed over me. I yanked the sleeve of my shirt down and stared at the underside of my arm. One fresh, black tally mark marred my skin.

The panic reached its heighth and I dropped into a defensive postureautomatically. I didn't know why, it felt like I was forgetting something… I was confused and terrified.

A second crisp tally mark appeared on my arm, closely followed by three more. A full set. But why?

Fifteen or more sets of five tally marks were tattooed on my arm.

Wordlessly I pulled down my right sleeve. What I saw there cause me to scream in fright and drop to the ground.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Doctor who?

Silence will fall when the question is asked. The first question, the oldest question…

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

Cemetery Nightmares

Set: New York City, 1950 (set in New York City; however, the

character is British)

The statue had moved. It had really, properly moved!

Eagerly, I lifted my camera to take a picture. "Moving Statues in City Cemetery"? Sounded like a story to me! My editor always thought my stories were rubbish, but I begged to differ. Maybe he's let me print something with proof.

Curiosity killed the cat. This statue could be dangerous, what did I know of it? I smiled as I recalled the second part to the phrase. But satisfaction brought it back. Making up my mind, I held up the camera and clicked a picture.

I waited for it to move again, but it did not. Was it my eyes? No, I'd had two cups of heavily caffeinated tea this morning, you don't start seeing things untill the third day without sleep, I still had a day to go.

I huffed and sighed, closing my eyes. Why must good stories always slip way like this? Or was I just being too impatient?

Either way, I got a shock from when I reopened my eyes. The same stone figure, who seemed to be an angel statue, had moved again, closer to me. I didn't know if I should be happy for more evidence or scared because the hand seemed to be seemed to be reaching out to me…

I blinked again. A small cry escaped my lips as I noted it was closer. Was it all just some sick game? I was the only one in the cemetery though so that option was out of the question. Either way, the expression on the face of the angel now was frightening me. I decided it was best to leave.

I turned to walk back to my car, but on a whim turned to look back again. The statue had moved again, probably 15 meters in a few seconds! I began to tremble. It was like straight out of a horror movie! I just wanted to get away, to get home and out of this creepy place!

Then I made the mistake, my fatal mistake. My eyes began to burn and I blinked, a simple movement. But when I reopened my eyes I stood in a place far more different from where I'd been.

I was somewhere else! It was impossible, the city, cemetery and creepy angel statue were gone too! But where was I? I set out to find someone about what had turned into a nightmare for me. A cemetery nightmare.

The image of an angel becomes an angel.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

One bright red vintage camera lay on the ground, on button switched. The last picture it had taken displayed out from the screen. A seemly harmless picture of an angel statue, taken a minute before the camera's owner was whisked away.

──────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────

A/N: There you go, three short oneshots with a fourth that's twice the size of the others! PLease remember to review and say if it was good or not, and have a wonderful day… now that I've given you some stories of dying people. ( Geronimo had no dying but it was pretty intense if I do say so.) And please forgive me, I'm not British so I may tend to overdo some things…

(narrarator voice: she did not, in fact, ever upload another chapter)

Anyway, hope you enjoyed, as soon as I type it up, another's on its way!

#WOOO HOOOO #idk how to tag this #quara fanfic #fanfiction #doctor who

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truly-morgan · 9 months

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[Kinktober 2021: Breeding (18+)]

MoShang | Scum Villain Self-Saving system 08-10-2021

Day 8: [Breeding] / B̷o̷d̷y̷ ̷M̷o̷d̷i̷f̷i̷c̷a̷t̷i̷o̷n̷ / S̷e̷n̷s̷o̷r̷y̷ ̷D̷e̷p̷r̷i̷v̷a̷t̷i̷o̷n̷

Shang Qinghua stumbles on a wife plot who temporarily changes his body to make him able to have children. They end up taking good advantage of that curse.

====

Shang Qinghua had lost count of how many times he had gone to his cucumber bro for some help with the plot he forgot about himself. The man was truly a walking encyclopaedia. It was often not too bad, but then there were days like today, when he was feeling hot all over and his lower region was feeling really strange. He had somewhat guessed it would be a wife plot:

anything to make the wife fuck with Luo Binghe was a wife plot. But of course, now they were stuck with those because the novel story had totally changed.

"I was following my king on a hunt when I saw those nice flowers, So I got closer, wondering if I could remember what they were, I assumed it was safe since I didn’t remember a flower looking like that being poisonous, but then when I tried touching it, I pricked myself on a spike I didn’t see” sqh had been explaining, laying down on a cushion as sqq drank some tea. “I didn’t feel anything at the moment, but then yesterday I started feeling weird all over the place and didn’t want to worry my King about it since he already has so much work to do”.

Sqq wanted to sigh at some of the detail not being useful. “I cannot really help if I do not know what that flower looks like” he points out.

“The petal was similar to those of a lily, but there was easily more than a dozen of them, there were a dark blue with blue-white-ish dotes going up the middle of the petals.

The stamens were rather long and pale and the thingy on top was kinda shaped like a heart now that I thinks of it”.

“Did it have a lot of leaf at the bottom which hides most of the spikes?” sqq asked, only for sqh to nod. His fellow transmigrator sighed heavily, “You fell into a wife plot again, you created that flower for wife #539 who was unable to get pregnant and so she tried using that flower to be able to have a child” sqq mentioned.

“But I should be safe right?” sqh asked, not remembering that.

“You wrote that it was so great that even man could get pregnant when under its effect, which by the way last easily for a week”.

And this is how he now was in his room (which had been a while since the last time, he kind of unofficially moved into Mobei-jun room), robes loose around him as he was trying to relieve himself from the heat.

What should he do now? He couldn't exactly hide from his King for /minimum/of a week. He didn't want to look like some of these demons that had done it on purpose in the past to try and lure mbj and somewhat trap him with a child (and he knew it could happen because he wrote a couple of plots like this!).

Plus he never heard anything that could tell him mbj was actually interested in having children. Sure he would most likely need an heir one day, but as of now mbj never showed any interest.

Sqh was truly unsure of what he should do now, other than try and relieve himself from the heat and arousal that came with his situation. Plus he could discover just how exactly this curse was affecting him as it did create physical changes he didn't notice before.

His king should be busy all day so he should be able to figure something out before he came back to their shared room to see he was not there.

But as he was thinking this he was surprised by the sound of a portal opening next to his bed, mbj stepping out. Sqh took a moment to react properly, pulling the blanket around him to hide his near-nudity and in just what kind of state he truly was.

“M-my King! What brings you here? I thought you would be busy all day” he called out, blushing even more than he already was before.

“a servant told me you looked unwell” he answered as he walked closer to the bed, clearly sniffing at the air. “and told me you smell strangely very sweet".

Sqh wasn't sure what to think of that. Had he added such a thing? For demons to be able to smell when another was ready to conceive? He then saw his pupils dilate, as if mbj had finally understood, looking a bit shocked, suddenly grabbing the blanket. He wasn't quick enough to pull it back, instead feeling himself being pulled closer to mbj.

He didn't really resist at the hands pulling his legs apart, the demon confirming for himself as sqh was hiding in his hand.

His slightly altered anatomy was now on full display for mbj who looked very interested. “this servant is sorry for the inconvenient” sqh managed to say, nearly letting out a squeak as he felt his finger tease against his already wet pussy.

“I-I am sorry for the inconvenience I will try to find a way to deal with this!” sqh quickly said, unsure if mbj would think this was troublesome to deal with.

“Sect Leader Shen said it would easily take at least a week to die down and I do not want to be a burden for my King so I decided to come here t-”.

The peak lord’s rambling was cut off by passionate lips meeting his, feeling himself being pushed down into the mattress, mbj climbing over him as robes were being undone. It took a moment to realise mbj was actually making a move /while he just learned/ he could get pregnant.

“Wait wait, my King, right now might not be the right time” he tried to say. Wondering where this sudden burst of arousal in his husband came from. Was it contagious?

The kissing and sucking on his neck stopped as the demon looked back at him. “Is sqh against the idea of having a child?” mbj asked, studying his reaction greatly.

To this sqh wasn’t sure what to say. He had obviously never expected to be asked, especially not since neither of them was supposed to be able to bear a child. Sqh never thought about having any in his life, but he wasn’t against the idea.

“W-well no” he started, looking a bit to the side, “I simply thought my King was not interested in having any since he never talked about it before and ignore anyone who inquired about your plan to have an heir” he explained.

“I didn’t want children with anyone else than sqh” mbj replied, making the man blush at that declaration. He had not expected the reason to be because mbj wanted this kid to be theirs, not from someone else. It had probably been ruled out since neither of them was supposed to be able to do that.

A hand was gently rubbing his tights before he was pulled closer to, mbj settling between his legs, cock already hard and now resting against him. He moved his hips a bit, causing something sqh to feel rather new things.

“But if sqh is against bearing our child I will understand, “ mbj said.

Maybe it was because of the effect of the flower, but the way he was talking about /their/ child made something in him warm. He wasn't against that, it was actually reassuring in a way, mbj wouldn't need to find someone else for an heir.

“Yes I want to!” he says. Sure, it’s scary to think that he’ll have a growing being in him and is also unsure what will happen once he gives birth (if nothing goes badly...).

Sqh was waiting for mbj to get to it immediately but instead felt fingers entering where he had already been fingering himself. He may have never led with a lady before, but he was pretty sure that he would be alright, yet there wasn’t really much to convince mbj of that. Maybe telling him he needed it usually was the reason.

But the moment mbj deemed him ready enough there was probably nothing to stop him. He was fucking into his husband, still making sure he seemed alright, but never really stopping since it seemed all right.

Sqh was rather surprised by the rather different feeling of that pussy, moaning even more when mbj decided to see what teasing his cock would do.

After one round sqh was already a bit tired, especially since he had been pleasuring himself for a while before. Yet mbj was not done, large hands still on his hips, cock never leaving its warm embrace as he went back to being hard.

Sure, he was now used to Demon apparently having endless stamina in bed, but it was probably some of the first time that mbj could get back at it so quickly. Maybe the effect of the flower was wearing off on his husband too.

Sqh felt like they would pass the whole evening and night at it, mbj clearly set on breeding him until he was sure he would get pregnant. Good thing mbj had energy for two people since at some point sqh became tired and unable to do much himself.

It had started with him laying on his back, like this he could get all the kisses he wanted, then he tried riding his husband to not have him do all the work, enjoying the way mbj would look at him bounce up and down to milk him.

Then he ended up being flipped over so he was laying face down and ass up for better access, mbj more than happy to keep fucking into him like this. They had one important mission and he would take it seriously.

It was fun and all riding and having sex with his King with this new pussy, but he was but a mere human, nothing that could compare to mbj stamina. At some point he was happy to simply let mbj fuck his semen into him, his brain already feeling mushy from all the pleasure and orgasm he just had. He was pretty sure he had never been fuck this much before.

He ended up so full he was pretty sure no more could fit into him, even feeling some of the cum dripping out of him when mbj finally came out of him, laying down beside him and hugging him close. “My King is doing a great job” sqh laughed slightly, feeling exhausted.

He felt mbj humming against the top of his head. “We need to do more to make sure it works”.

Sqh was already exhausted at the idea but smiled softly at that. He wouldn’t mind being exhausted now if it meant having a child with mbj.

====

(well this was like really 30% smut isdjvudb guess I can only write p0rn with plot)

Original - AO3

#tweet archive #svsss #scum villain self-saving system #moshang #mobei-jun #shang qinghua #kinktober 2021 #breed kink #bd/sm breeding #nsft #cw mpreg implied

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pinkyjulien · 11 months

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🌈 Queerness in CyberPunk 2077

I wanted to make this post earlier this month but got caught up in modding shenanigans, as per usual~

BUT! It's still June, still pride, so here it is :>

▶ DISCLAIMER

All of this is my analyses, headcanons, of different characters, some of them not confirmed at all in anyway or form! I'm a queer man myself, but I do not claim to know everything about queerness and being queer, everyone experience the game and interpret the characters differently 🤲 This is only my opinions, based off canon game events, clues, hints, as well as developpers's tweets, streams, files datamining etc etc Please do not see this thread as an attack, or as something invalidating! I'm more than curious to heard what you think about my personal analyses, if you agree, if you don't, and why! If you think other characters also display hints of queerness I'd love to hear it too! 💙

This picture is an update I did in 2022 of lil collage I did back in 2021~

I posted the first version on Reddit back in 2021 and it created this whole "what do mean JOHNNY is GAY?" (because a rainbow behind a man automatically means he's Gay and nothing else right) and a lot of biphobia over his character in particular (gasp- THE rockerboy?! Biseggsual?? In my viddy game??)

▶ You can look at the thread here and have a lil laugh

SO, NATURALLY, after doing the 2022 collage, I went and uploaded it to reddit once again! Because triggering bigots and seeing them stumble over their own tongues trying to debunk everything is really funny ✨

However, I instantly muted the thread and let it rot in its own sauce for some days, weeks, only coming back to it later and Oh Boy 👀

I did a thread on Twitter last year exploring everything that was said on the thread and explaining why I put certain characters on it

Thought it'd be cool and fun to re-explore that and share my thoughts with y'all here SO LETS GET BACK TO IT 😌🤙

▶▶▶

I'll mainly paste screenshots of what I already said on my twitter thread, but I might add some things there and there!

Damn I was kinda pissed off back then HGHFHGF but yeah, this is also the reason I won't ever make any straight or super straight flags I do not headcanon Delamain as Asexual, as there isn't any confirmation anywhere that he's interest in that kind of interaction or not, but I'll come back to him later!

Goro being canonly Queer is often missed, and this surprises me, considering he's one of the popular character! He is interested (or not) equally in both Fem and Masc V, giving he's replying to them the exact same ways! This isn't something done randomly by the devs :)

As said in the tweet, there isn't any direct and clear evidence of Mitch and Scorpion being a couple! Their relationship is heavily queer coded and queer people are more easily picking up on it than non-queer peoeple (and that's normal) Gay men have called their male partner Friend, Best friend and Brother through history maaaany many time, and that's part of my interpretation of their relationship too, especially giving they're both veterans who fought in the same war. The poem Mitch wrotes during "I'll Fly Away" (heavily implied) is romantic and gay coded, the gay novel in Mitch's tent (confirmed to be on purpose) is what we call environnemental story telling, it's subtle but adds to a character's backstory and lore! As for the datamining, I found a Mitch awkwardly explaining to V that no, Saul doesn't have any say in whatever he's doing with Scorpion stuff "because.... because... eh, that's just family stuff"

Note on Delamain here because I've heard it even caused some drama here on Tumblr that I said that? He uses He/Him to describe himself, the Main Entity, but multiples of his splites entities uses She/Her, meaning he's literally Non-Binary in how his entity is formed (I find it really cool for an AI ngl ngl) However if my headcanon offended anyone, I apologize! and I'd love to hear others interpretation :3

There isn't any open and visible MLM gay couple in Cyberpunk 2077! Bouncing off ElvenBeard's amazing analyses and thoughts on Kerry's sexuality, he can be seen as Bisexual (confirmed by RTAL themselves) and Homosexual (confirmed by the devs before and after the game released) he can be Both and Both are correct depending on how you view his character and how he grew from his past relationship (Bisexual with a masc preference, Bisexual who have to heal from his marriage, Gay man who realized his sexuality later after a wonky marriage, etc)

The whole "Responsability=Wife" Takemura take angers me to no end, taking its roots in heteronormativity- We see Goro care for his job above all else, to me that's what his "responsability" is and always was; his job

Nothing more to add here- Jackie's only relationship we see in game is with Misty, this doesn't confirm nor deny anything! (However with how he react to V pushing him, lip-bitting and all regardless of gender, I can totally see him as being queer)

AND That's about it!

It was interesting to dig into that thread last year and thought I'd share that here, as a refresher that Johnny is Bi, Takemura too, and smaller characters like Mitch and Evelynn still have clear hints of queerness to them ✨

I really like how CP77 touches on queerness, it feels realistic, it doesn't feel forced; which, sadly, create this problem of "UH?? This is pure LIES" if a character's sexuality is not splattered in your face, which then create the "Ugh why does it have to be forced down our throat" complains

Something something, lesson here is that people will always complain about queerness, be it loud, be it subtle, so fuck it! Scream it, go apeshit over small details, over-analyse everything cause chances are: this is intentional!

More Characters

I later noticed that Regina have a naked lady tattooed on her forearm, and since we know nothing is done randomly in CDPR's video games, makes me think that she might be sapphic in some way ✨

Mateo is also one of my fav "potential queer", how he could be a trans man, but there isn't anything really to support that other than that one interaction with V

▶ Link to the updated collage Reddit Thread

▶ Link to my Twitter breakdown

#Cyberpunk 2077 #CyberPride #CyberPride23 #Pride #Long Post #LETS TALK :3c I'm curious about what y'all think #I hope this won't be used in discourse as I know it has before cause sheesh hgfhghf #this is all from the game I'm not making things up 👀#Adding more thoughts in the tags tho #I find it interesting (sad) that the majority of people will agree that Evelynn is queer coded #and potentially had something going on with Judy #but everyone seems to be against Mitch and Scorpion #while both duo called each others friends and have queer coded behavior / lore around them #something to think about yknow?

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crowfootwrites · 11 months

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New Arrival [Odo x Fem!Reader]

Ok, y'all. I've done it. I've hyperfixated on Star Trek so hard that I got back to writing fanfiction. 😅 Please go easy on me - upon checking, the last time I wrote/published any fanfic was December of 2021. Is this my best work? Certainly not, lol, but hopefully it's not terrible. This is my first time writing anything in the Star Trek fandom and as of now, I've only watched TNG, First Contact, and I'm working my way through DS9 now. I love it, I love the characters, and I'm hoping the inspiration lasts for a long while! 💕

Odo is, without a doubt, one of my favorite DS9 characters - he's my favorite lil grump and after I watched his interactions with Taya in "Shadowplay", I was inspired to write this!

Warnings: briefly losing your child in a crowd; single parenthood | Words: ~1,850

The station was packed, and you clutched your daughter’s chubby fist tightly in yours as you attempted to navigate the throngs of people streaming through the Promenade. Your heart thudded in your throat, overwhelmed by the sheer number of beings in this new place - mostly Bajorans and humans, you noted, with the occasional unfamiliar creature. The cold, metallic Cardassian architecture soaring overhead did little to ease your nerves, although the lights and colors along the Promenade were a welcome addition.

“Mama,” your daughter exclaimed from beside you, tugging on your fingers and pointing with her other hand towards a shop window displaying a dazzling green dress, aglow with intricate beading and sequins flashing beneath the shop lights.

You nodded down at your daughter with a fond smile, giving her hand a squeeze. “It’s beautiful, Elara,” you murmured. “Perhaps we’ll stop by after we get settled in,” you suggested as you sidestepped hurriedly around a group of Starfleet officers deep in discussion, hauling your daughter out of the way just in time.

It was your first time to Deep Space 9, where you’d recently been transferred by Starfleet, to work with Chief of Operations O’Brien. You’d jumped at the assignment, an opportunity to work with talented officers and, on a more personal level, a way to get you and Elara away from Earth and the memories that still haunted you there.

The few days’ journey to the space station from Earth had been uneventful, and your arrival, as the newest Starfleet crewmember, had seen you met by Chief O’Brien himself, although he’d immediately been called away, leaving you and your daughter to navigate to your new quarters.

You craned your neck slightly, attempting to find the nearest turbolift and extricate you both from the chaos of the Promenade. Sweat beaded along your hairline, the collar of your uniform suddenly suffocating. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes for a moment to gather yourself.

The breath rushed from your lungs as you stumbled backward, a deep ache forming in your shoulder as it collided with someone else’s - a group of rowdy Klingons forcing their way through the Promenade. Throwing your hands out to steady yourself, the cold metal of a support beam biting into your sweating palms, it took you only a moment to realize that both your hands were empty.

You whirled around, panic rising in your chest as your eyes darted back and forth.

“Elara!” you yelled, struggling to be heard above the din. You darted after the group of Klingons, elbowing your way around them and anyone else who managed to get in your way. Your focus sharpened to a singular point: find her.

When you didn’t find her being towed along by the Klingons, your stomach churned, your heart leaping agonizingly into your throat.

You called her name again, the desperation in your voice growing more apparent. Your breath came in short bursts and your head spun as you pivoted again and again, frantically searching.

A pair of steady hands appeared on your shoulders and you gasped as you came face-to-face with a man whose blue eyes reflected your own wild, terrified visage.

“Are you alright, Lieutenant?” he asked, his voice gruff and firm. You managed to shake your head, your eyes still wandering behind him.

“My daughter,” you gasped, teetering on the edge of a panic attack. “We got separated, I -”

Concern passed briefly over the man’s smooth features - too smooth, you realized somewhere in the back of your mind. “How old is she?” he barked, tears springing to your eyes.

“Four,” you managed to whisper, the tremors in your hands traveling to the rest of your body. It was all too much and you began to pull away from the man’s grasp, desperate to continue your search.

Scowling, he tapped his combadge. His other hand grasped your upper arm gently and tugged you close, ensuring you stayed with him.

“Odo to Ops.” The gravel in his voice and the strength of his grasp on your arm permitted no arguments.

“Go ahead.”

“We have a missing child on the Promenade. I want no ships departing this station until she is found,” he ordered. Before anyone could even respond, he had tapped his badge again.

“Odo to security - I want a team on the Promenade now,” he growled. “Fan out. Child is four years old -”

“She’s wearing yellow overalls and a pink sweater. Her name is Elara,” you interjected quickly, trying in vain to calm your breathing.

Odo repeated the information to his team, before he began escorting you down the walkway. You glanced back over your shoulder, opening your mouth to object to leaving the place where you lost Elara.

As though he could read your mind, he spared you a brief glance. “We’ll find her,” he assured you.

He led you into the security office and gestured to the seat across from his at the desk, just as a Bajoran woman with short red hair entered, slightly out of breath.

“Thank you for coming, Major,” he muttered as he rounded the desk once again and headed for the door. “Please stay with the lieutenant.”

“But-” you argued, rising quickly from your chair. The Major corralled you back into your seat, her arms spread wide with palms out, approaching you cautiously, as though you’d bolt at any second.

“Lieutenant, trust me,” the woman asserted, “no one knows this station like Constable Odo. He will find her.”

All at once, everything caught up to you and you dropped unceremoniously into the chair, your head buried in your hands as the tears spilled over. You heard the rustle of fabric as the Major took the seat beside yours, a calming hand passing over your shoulder.

“What a sorry welcome to DS9, huh?” she murmured.

Odo scoured the Promenade, communicating briefly with members of his security team as they passed him. The large number of people gathering on the Promenade today made his job that much more difficult. It reassured him to know that no ships would be departing, but he could hardly fathom the amount of trouble a four-year-old could get into on this station. He frowned and shook his head as he strode swiftly down the corridor, failing once again to understand solids’ preoccupation with procreation. He understood the importance of reproduction for a race of beings, certainly, but human offspring in particular were so… vulnerable for such a long time.

His team had reported back that she hadn’t been found on either the East or West platforms, and his officer on the northern main floor was still checking in and around the shops, airlocks, and turbolifts. That left the southern main floor, the area between his own security office, the Infirmary, and Quark’s Bar. He figured he’d start there - trouble had a way of following Quark wherever he went.

A flash of pink tugged at the corner of Odo’s vision just as he was about to enter Quark’s. He turned to follow it, and there, tucked away into a gap between the jeweler’s shop and a turbolift shaft, he spotted a small human girl cowering, her knees pulled up to her chin. Odo sighed at her tear-streaked face before approaching slowly. She flinched as he drew nearer, so Odo crouched and schooled his facial features into something other than a scowl.

“You must be Elara,” Odo muttered, studying the girl curiously. There weren’t many children this young on the station. Even Chief O’Brien’s young daughter was older than this one. “Your mother’s been worried about you.”

At the mention of her mother, Elara’s eyes darted to Odo’s, looking for reassurance. He gave her a small smile.

“My name is Odo,” he offered, stretching a hand towards her, palm up. “It’s my job to make sure everyone is safe on the station.”

Elara’s lower lip trembled as she surveyed Odo cautiously, and Odo found himself appreciating her skepticism. That seemed good for a solid child.

“I couldn’t find her,” Elara whispered, her mouth tucked behind her knees as she curled in on herself. “There were too many people.”

Odo nodded solemnly, letting his hand return to its place on his knee. “The Promenade is very busy today.” He stood and offered his hand again. “Your mother is waiting for you in my office… would you like me to take you to her?”

Elara seemed to consider this for a moment and Odo hid a smile. Finally, she nodded and placed a small hand in his as she rose from the floor. The sensation was a strange one for Odo - he was not used to much human contact and he’d certainly never held the hand of this small a child. There was something pleasant, he found, about the way her tiny fingers wrapped around his… something rewarding.

He tapped his combadge quickly to inform Ops and security that the child had been found. As he guided the child back toward his office, he felt a soft tug on his hand; he glanced down to find Elara staring up at him, her big eyes clear and curious. “Thank you for finding me,” she said before returning her gaze to the stretch of walkway before them.

“Of course,” he muttered, his usual, unamused expression sliding back into place as they approached the entrance to the security office.

You were out of your seat before the security doors had opened fully, your heart stuttering in your chest. Relief poured out of you as your daughter flew from Odo’s grasp and into your arms.

You clutched her tight to your chest, her arms and legs wrapped firmly around you as you whispered apologies and reassurances into her hair. With a kiss to the top of her head, you glanced up at Odo, tears still trembling on the waterline of your eyes.

“Thank you, Odo,” you croaked. “I- I’m so sorry about all this - this has never happened before.”

Odo looked uncomfortable for a moment, unused to being thanked for simply doing his job, but the expression passed and he nodded sincerely.

“These things happen, Lieutenant.” His gruff voice brought you a sudden sense of comfort; he had followed through on his promise to find her. You could tell he was a serious man who took his job just as seriously and though you’d been on the station for less than two hours, you’d already come to appreciate that. You allowed yourself a moment to study Odo as you placed your daughter back on her feet.

His gaze slid away from yours, uncomfortable again, and you smiled softly. “The station must be pretty safe with you in charge,” you offered.

Odo cleared his throat, glancing between you and your daughter. “I do what I can.” After a short pause in which you noticed Major Kira glancing between you and Odo with a half-smile and raised eyebrow, you shifted awkwardly and Odo spoke again. “I’ll escort you to your quarters so that you can get settled in,” he grumbled, and you bit back a smile as you followed him back out of the security office towards your new home.

#constable odo #star trek odo #odo ds9 #odo x reader #odo x fem!reader #star trek deep space 9 #st ds9 #star trek ds9 #star trek fanfiction #deep space nine fanfiction

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skellagirl · 5 months

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I am, as usual, late lol, but Y'KNOW. This is gonna be a long, rambly post lol, sorry, I have a lot of thoughts.

2023 was a weird year for me, artwise. When it began I was still deep in my Art Block From Hell, which had begun in mid-2021 and lasted the entirety of 2022.

Being in the thick of such a ridiculously suffocating art block, for TWO AND A HALF YEARS, is like... I can't describe how fucking life-draining it is. It felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me -- like a part of me, which used to be as effortless as breathing or blinking my eyes, had ceased to function altogether. It wasn't just a regular art block, it was a complete identity crisis. I could no longer trust the instincts I'd honed over twenty-plus years, could no longer trust my sense of observation or my ability to recreate what I saw. I felt BROKEN, and every single time I picked up my tablet pen it was like I was scraping my insides with a spoon, trying to pick up whatever tiny dregs of dried-up, crusty shit I could manage to puke up onto my canvas. It was fucking painful and humiliating and completely demoralizing.

I'm not really sure what finally got me to do so, but sometime in summer (my memory is shit lol) I downloaded Game Maker, found a video tutorial on youtube, and just... gave myself over to it. I made myself learn how to use Aseprite, and working with pixels, making teeny-tiny little sprites, forced me to work in ways I usually don't. It was a lot harder for me to find the flaws in my art when my art was thirty-five pixels tall and the anatomy was stylized to communicate clear information rather than be a recreation or approximation of reality. I think I really do credit that time working on game dev as the thing that finally cracked loose all the gunk that was keeping me stuck -- I could not perpetuate the cycle of toxicity I'd fallen into because I could barely even conceptualize what 'good' or 'bad' pixel art even looked like lol. I just knew that I was making art, and for the first time in two years, it didn't feel like I was having to desperately beg the emaciated husks of my sense of self-worth and confidence to cooperate while doing so.

(I actually sort of abandoned my foray into game dev around August/September lol, as my adhd-brain, flitting around like a little hummingbird to every dopamine-rich-flower, is wont to do 🥲 But I wanna get back into it at some point!)

From there I had a rush of inspiration for an original project I've been mulling around in my head for years, and I wrote thousands of words in my worldbuilding document, made a map, developed the shell of a possible actual STORY. I returned to sketching. Conventional sketching. It was, at first, largely still comprised of that same demotivating struggle against myself, but I was so deep in the throes of inspiration (after several years of this project laying dormant in my google drive) that I NEEDED to sketch. So I kept going. And after a while, it got....... easier. And I started hating everything I made a little less. I painted, properly, for the first time in years. I stayed up late into the night, even if it meant I would be tired at work the next day, because drawing felt so damn GOOD again and I had missed that feeling so much. All I wanted to do was draw. For the first time in two and a half years, I could finally see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.

I still don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet. My style is changing, as all artists' styles do over time, and that comes with stumbling adjustments. My confidence is still small and shaky and recovering; I still catch myself second-guessing what I've drawn, and even looking at some of the things here on my grid makes me cringe a little bit for one reason or another.

But compared to both 2021 and 2022, the volume of art, and in particular the volume of art I don't actively despise, is WAY higher, and I'm really really hopeful that that means I'm finding my footing again.

So! Here's to 2024, and to continuing to move towards the light at the end of the tunnel 🙏🌟 I'm gonna try.

#art vs artist #art vs artist 2023 #my art #skella's ugly mug #I actually did an art vs artist in 2021 but I only ever posted it on facebook lol I wasn't confident enough to post it anywhere else #purple and orange/yellow continues to be my favorite color pallet apparently #sorry not sorry for being sappy on my own blog <3333 #long post

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dp-marvel94 · 7 months

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20 Q's for Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me, @agentianlegend !

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

62! I can't believe I have that many fics posted.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

918,405

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Almost exclusively Danny Phantom. I have one Gravity Falls Crossover and one DPxDC crossover as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Summoning: When Jack and Maddie Fenton tried to summon the King of All Ghosts, the last thing they expected was the sudden appearance of a very familiar, very human boy wearing spaceship pajamas and with a toothbrush halfway to his mouth.

Double Discovery: After accidentally shooting Phantom with an anti-possession gun, Maddie finds she has a lot to learn about both Danny Phantom and Danny Fenton. Eventual Revelation Story.

Borrower Danny: A teeny tiny Danny starts living in Wayne Manor

4. Fangs or No Fangs: For Phic Phight 2021. Jack and Maddie know that Danny is Phantom. They saw him transform and they knew they should talk about it with him. But…even after two weeks, that conversation feels impossible. And so Jack and Maddie have a plan: a trip to the planetarium to cheer Danny up, to finally see him smile again, and to pave the way for the truth.

5. Below the Greenhouse: For the Phic Phight. Prompt by Avearia: Maddie discovers the depths of Vlad's obsessions when she stumbles upon his secret lab. Despite the shock, part of her almost isn't surprised by the stolen Fenton Tech, the ripoff ghost portal, or the eerie Holo-Maddie—but the clone she finds floating in the pod at the back of the room? That's another matter entirely.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I generally try to! I love hearing what readers have to say and will happily answer questions, as long as I'm not giving out spoilers. XD

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, my second long fic, Hope Can Be a Heavy Thing to Hold, ends with the main character dying so....

Seriously though, I do have a sequel to this story planned as my next major project. Maybe we'll all find out things aren't what they seem. 😜

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I love angst with a happy ending so a lot of my fics end happily. I don't think I can pick which one is happiest. This one has a special place in my heart though.

Offspring of my ectoplasm. My child.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have before but not very often. I normally just delete mean comments without replying.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have written a two before. I think Borrower Danny is the craziest one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Luckily I haven't as far as I know.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kinda? One of my fics, The Danny Program, was based on an au which @thesoulspulse came up with. Later, Soul wrote a longer version of that au which followed a lot of the same stories beats as my fic and I beta'd.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm not a huge shipper. Dark Gray (Dan Phantom and Valerie Gray) is something of a guilty pleasure though.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My series, Life and Death is all Perspective, has been a bit of a struggle. I get close to thinking it's done and it keeps growing. 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm very good at writing emotions and dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fights scenes are definitely a struggle since I have trouble visualizing them in my head.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I only speak English fluently so I probably wouldn't write dialogue in another language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I feel like I've told this story before but the first fic I wrote was a Doctor Who fic for a school assignment in high school. It was for one of those warm-up exercises in English and my teacher loved it. XD

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Tagging @mymadmedleyw @five-rivers @assorted-candy @tathartiel @tachvintlogic and anyone else who wants to participate!

#my post

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kairi-chan · 5 months

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hi! I came across one of your fics on FF called Functions and Feelings and was just wondering if you'd ever plan on finishing it. I binged it all and loved your writing <3 no pressure if you did decide to drop it, was just wondering cos it says it was last updated in 2021 and you only had 1 chap left 😭

Hey there, darling anon!

I’m so glad you stumbled on Functions and Feelings. That’s the fic that really got me to come back into fandom and really solidified my love for BoruSara! ^^

I do plan to finish it! I’ve lost count how many times I’ve opened the last chapter’s WIP, reread it, and wrote paragraphs, only to delete them because I simply wasn’t happy how I was bridging it to the ending that I want.

I already know how the ending will go, and even have commissioned art from Bente. A little spoiler is the header I currently have on my Twitter.

Thank you for bringing it up again. I guess I just need motivation to come back into writing as I’ve been in such a slump lately. But the BoruSara hug got my flames roaring back lol!

Lettuce sea if I can find a willing beta reader to help me through the last chapter. I’ve also been considering rewriting the whole Functions and Feelings, tbh. Put all the little one shots I had for it together in one cohesive timeline and adding some things here and there. I feel like my understanding plots and all that jazz has gotten better since I started ^^

Thank you for leaving me a kind message, anon. It makes me feel a little better knowing that I’m not forgotten in fandom and that people still enjoy my silly little fics 💖

Happy new year! 🎆

#borusara #blog #anon #ask #fnf #functions and feelings

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a-pale-azure-moon · 8 months

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WIP Wednesday

It's done.

There will be revisions and tweaks to make between now and when I post it in a few days, but I have finished the final chapter of Someday We'll Shine Together. At long last, it is complete.

I'm struggling to distill all of my emotions into words at the moment. This fic has been a part of my life for about three years now. I'm feeling accomplished and proud of myself for really and truly finishing it despite the fact that when I first had the idea, I was convinced this was another of those fleeting inspirational flashes that would never go anywhere and would forever languish in my WIP folder. I got very attached to this story in the process of creating it, and I got even more attached to it when it was one of the things that helped see me through a very difficult time in my personal life. As such, I'm also grieving that it's over and that I now must let it go. Sure, it'll always exist for me to revisit whenever I want, but that feeling is never the same as the one derived from actively working on it.

While I'm still digesting all of these emotions, here's a rough timeline and some background of the fic's development, so you can all see how I finally got to this point. This is pretty personal too, because the two are irrevocably intertwined. (Content warning: death/grief)

Summer 2020: Initial inspiration hits after I rewatched Utena during COVID lockdown.

Fall 2020: Brainworms are on-and-off active, writing short blurbs in a Google doc when they come to me, but there's no true shape to the whole plot yet, it’s just random scenes. It's more or less still strictly a 3H-esque retelling of Utena, and I'm not expecting anything to actually come of these blurbs.

Winter 2020: More blurbs trickle in here and there. The story in my head is starting to divert more drastically from the show.

February 19, 2021: Draft of the pivotal scene at the end of Chapter 15 written. I remember the specific day for this because I wrote it the same day we put down our dog, Clancy. (Writing emotional scenes often helps me process my own emotions.)

April 11, 2021: Creation of my dedicated author's notes file to keep track of the various threads and ideas I'd come up with, especially the backstory about Faerghus and how Dimitri became the Lion Prince. I filled it in like an extended summary or wikipedia entry about the 'verse and the overall plot of the story. I jotted a lot of stuff down between April and June as the brainworms really got to work again.

Summer 2021: I'm starting to entertain the idea of actually seeing this project through. Chapters 1 and 2 are drafted over the summer months, but I hit a block and the self doubt comes roaring right in to deter me. A LARGE part of my struggle with getting this fic out of development hell was me being unable to get out of my own way. Every stumbling block I hit (especially early on) was an invitation for my inner critic to resume browbeating me into giving up this “stupid” idea.

September 2021: I finally make up my mind that I'm really going to do this, and I spend the next six weeks ironing out the bumps in the plot and making a chapter-by-chapter outline highlighting the key scenes/plot points/character beats within each one. I organized the various blurbs I had into chronological order and put them under the correct chapter headings. I also started thinking of the best way to get myself to see this project through, as well as what would be a realistic timetable for its completion. I estimated that the final length of the whole thing would be around 350 pages or roughly 150K words. (This is hilarious to me in hindsight. I severely underestimated the scope of this fic!)

November 2021: I try to do the NaNoWriMo challenge (50K words in a month) to draft as much of the fic as I can. I "only" produce about 35K words in the end, but it was enough to draft Chapters 3 and 4 and write at least one decent-sized blurb within each of all of the remaining chapters.

December 2021: I took a short hiatus from working on SWST to finish Beneath the Ethereal Moon. When that's done, I went over my outline yet again to refine it further and then cleaned up my draft of Chapter 1 with an eye on posting it after right after New Year's. I determined that posting (and writing) one chapter per month should be doable, especially since I have a generous buffer to start with.

January 2022: I get a bad case of cold feet/anxiety and don't post Chapter 1. I'm having trouble getting a feel for Chapter 5 and fail to finish it before the end of the month. (This naturally doesn't help alleviate my self-doubt or silence my very loud inner critic.)

February 2022: Cold feet strike again and I fail to post Chapter 1 a second time. I'm still stuck on Chapter 5 (though I've at least made some progress), and while I'm extremely aware that I'm being my own worst enemy, that doesn't make it any easier to beat back old habits.

March 2, 2022: In the wee hours of the night (it was after midnight), I finally posted Chapter 1 and went straight to bed after. I slept terribly of course, haha.

I wish I could say "and you know the rest from here," but that's not true. Posting Chapter 1 was a huge mental hurdle cleared, but there were other things going on behind the scenes that almost derailed this project for good. The timing was such that if I were more prone to hubris, I'd think that the universe itself was testing my resolve. Or possibly mocking me.

On March 3, 2022 (yes, the day after I posted Chapter 1), my father was admitted to the hospital with a debilitating pain in his lower back. Initially, we thought it might be a flare up of his sciatica or maybe something like a kidney stone, but the truth was far worse. What he had was a spinal epidural abscess caused by a bacterial infection in his blood. He was transported to the ICU of a larger (further away) hospital once the severity of his condition was discovered, and he was pumped full of massive doses of antibiotics. Thanks to that, he stabilized, but what followed after was a long period of uncertainty as he would start to make gains only to suffer a setback. Even once the infection and his pain level were under control, he'd been so severely sick that the bacteria had ravaged his various body systems, leading to issues with his kidneys and his heart.

For 91 days, my family and I were stuck on a wretched rollercoaster of getting hopeful (he was transferred to a rehab facility three different times when it looked like he was improving) and then having our hopes dashed when something would happen that would see him sent back to the hospital (falling out of bed, chest pains, difficulty breathing). Hope began to fade in mid May when he was transferred back to the ICU due to diastolic heart failure, which caused his lungs to fill up with fluid. They tapped his lungs thrice, removing at least a liter of fluid each time, but they kept filling up again despite all the diuretics the doctors were giving him. Then his kidneys began to shut down too. We kept hoping right until the end, but he passed away on June 1, 2022, the day before what would've been his and my mother's 49th wedding anniversary.

(Proof that real life can be even crueler than fiction.)

I was only able to continue updating SWST while my father was sick because of that buffer I'd had, and I very nearly deleted the story from AO3 altogether after he died. I remember ruminating about how futile it was to continue with this project; I'd written almost nothing while he was sick, so my buffer was now gone and I questioned whether or not I'd be able to write, let alone write consistently, with the promised months of grief and general upheaval ahead. Even writing a story that I had, to that point, been passionate about felt utterly pointless.

It was strange though. I woke up on June 2nd thinking that maybe I should go ahead and post chapter 4 anyway, since it was already done and it was one of the chapters I particularly liked. So I did. And in the following days, we had my father's funeral and a part of me felt like I could breathe again. I was grieving yes, but the constant daily stress and uncertainty from his illness was gone, and I think that freed my creative drive to start working again. I remember the first day I sat back down at my computer with the intention to write and how much better I felt in general after I got some words onto the screen.

It's hella ironic that I planned SWST with grief and loss as major themes and it turned out I'd be processing such things myself while writing most of it. I know my own grief affected the story, though it's impossible to say to what degree; I get a lot of catharsis in general from writing emotional scenes, so I tend to go hard on them regardless. It didn't change the plot or direction of the story at all, since that was already planned, but it's certainly safe to say that I channeled a lot of my own feelings into some of the most intense moments. The ending of Chapter 9 stands out in particular as something that felt like it was coming straight out of my own heart.

Even on the hard days when I was feeling too overwhelmed and/or the words just weren’t coming, this story gave me a reason to keep going. Just keeping the goal in mind and reasserting my resolve to be consistent and see this project through to the end helped me cope. It both kept me grounded and helped me process what I was going through and it gave me something to look forward to when I uploaded each chapter and anxiously waited to see what the readers would think.

I started this fic as a means of testing myself: testing my commitment to writing consistently, to finishing a long-term project, and to getting over at least some of the many, MANY mental hurdles that have held me back from writing for way too long. I knew that this story would always be near and dear to me if I managed to finish it, but it became even more precious than I ever could’ve imagined back in 2020. It hurts that I must say goodbye to it, but…it’s forever mine. I can say with my whole chest that I MADE THIS THING and I’m so very proud of it! <3

#my writing #swst #wip wednesday #personal

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elliescardcollection · 6 months

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hi, just wanted to know your opinion, as a last of us stan, n*il d*uckman is a fucking zionist.

how to cope.

I debated rather I was going to respond to this at all… simply because It’s not really a question and I couldn’t tell if you were interested in a genuine answer… but I’m bored at work… so…

Honestly I think about it all the time. I have a lot of very conflicting thoughts and feelings on the matter but they didn’t begin with this conflict, his post supporting Israel, his donation to both Israel and Gaza, or him signing a letter to Biden. It’s, unfortunately, not surprising seeing as he was born and raised in the West Bank. I don’t really like sharing personal details of any kind on the internet, but as I’ve stated before on this blog, I do come from Jewish heritage. I’ve experienced Zionist indoctrination first hand from a very young age and it’s difficult to escape that mentality. It took me a very long time to work up enough courage to stand up for my own beliefs regardless of my family/upbringing. Starting with the courage to come out, which I don’t think I could have done at the time if not for the Left Behind DLC.

The first time I played The Last of Us I didn’t know anything about Neil Druckmann, not even his name and it stayed that’s way until 2021 when I stumbled across the Vice article where he talked about how the Palestinian/Israel conflict inspired The Last of Us.

Admittedly, it kind of devastated me and I had a hard time playing either game for a while. Eventually I decided to play through them again. And regardless of what Neil’s beliefs and/or intentions might have been… I connected to the characters on an even deeper level than I had before. In my eyes, The Last of Us I & II at their core are about humanity and forgiveness. I’ve talked about my love for these games (tlou2 in particular) a LOT on this blog. These games have taught me more about unconditional love and compassion than any other person or piece of media ever had. They helped me through some of the darkest periods in my life and taught me unforgettable life lessons that pushed me to become a more loving, forgiving and understanding human being.

There is nothing and no one that can take that away from me. Not even the person who wrote them.

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4everbrookemarie · 8 months

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Praise is what I do

When I wanna be close to You

I lift my hands in praise (oh, oh, come on)

Praise is who I am (let's declare it church)

I will praise Him while I can

I'll bless You at all times (I vow)

Happy Fall Y’all.!!!!! Today being the first day of Fall, let me start this season off with a Praise Report…

So May 10, 2021 my family faced a big upset. My big cousin had suffered from a huge stroke. A stroke that even the doctors didn’t think she would come out on top of,

BUT GOD🫶🏾

Had different plans for her, she had multiple brain surgeries and was in the stroke unit for a while, then was transferred to extensive therapy for a month or so.. there she wasn’t declining, but she wasn’t progressing like she should have been due to her being sad and depressed that we were all so far away from her and not able to be around her as much as we would have liked to be. So she was then moved to a rehabilitation center in our hometown… My girl definitely stepped up the gears there. She was released from the rehabilitation center on October 1,2022.

Still not able to walk or use her left arm from the stroke, most had written her off, but again

MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD‼️‼️‼️

Yesterday, September 22,2023 while at her house visiting the family, she came walking out of the house. Yes she had someone next to her just in case she stumbled, and yes she had a brace on her leg to help as well, but my point is, when others had written her off saying that she wouldn’t make it.. MY GOD said aht aht that’s mine.. she isn’t finished until I say she’s finished!!!

Y’all, seeing her walk out of her house and then proceed to walk up and down the ramp just made me Thank God even more for all of his wonderful miracles that he performed everyday.!

I just wrote this to simply give anyone who is thinking about giving up hope.! God is not finished with you yet!

DO NOT GIVE UP… God has more in store for us all, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have woke us up again this morning.

Be Blessed🫶🏾😘

B🤍

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zero-braincells-left · 5 months

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..hey, im cleaning my room for real this time, that’s good! (yeag this ends up being a vent post cause i stumbled upon some silly things)

i never noticed how close together July and august are. one month im having my birthday party with all my friends, next month they won’t even talk to me, haha.

i found a bag from the party, and the card my old best friend wrote. almost like a tribute to everything she’s seen of me and I’ve seen of her. “2021 was a hard year for everyone, but you got me through it. you have been getting me through it.” that’s fucking sweet. she’s been there for me too. but i pretty much skimmed over it that day

so much for that? and that was just a fucking month before i lost that friend group holyyyy shit.

also we went go-karting, but forgot to give out the 1st 2nd and 3rd place metals before everyone had to leave. my mom just said i could give them out next time we met up somewhere, probably at the mall again.

that meetup never happened and now it.. never will. that’s fucked up man how did i get myself into thisssss

#okay i wrote that really dramatically so my bad it’s uh not that big a deal. just sucks a normal amount #what can i say. im a theater kid #but!! i am at least cleaning my room properly :))#zero vents

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wh3nturtlesfly · 1 year

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Short Story #2

The Letter - Thriller/Suspense

January 6th, 2021. Papers flowed newly into the stands. The front page caught the gaze of several passersby. One by one, eyes scanned across its inked surface and a chorus of murmurs arose at the local grocery store.

“Emery?” “Our Emery?” “How could this have happened?” “Poor girl, I thought she had known better-”

“A tragedy.”

The winter chill took over and soon the mumbling had shifted into the rustle of coats and shopping carts. Craving sweet warmth they all shuffled inside, though while the people passed the deli, picked from the apples, placed a catering order, it would be impossible to forget. Embedded in their minds, they would forever remember the headline.

Emery Johnston, found dead in a crash just outside of Valley after a critical snowstorm.

The radio was turned up to its highest, pouring into Emery’s ears as she gripped the wheel tight and tried to cease her tears. Her watch read only five o’clock, and yet it was nearly pitch black. She despised the winter. The new year was worth nothing if it didn’t offer something of change. Something better.

If she could have paid to make it disappear Emery would have sold her soul. She saw it beneath her closed eyelids, in the mess of weather she had stumbled into, reflected in the snow crystals- Emery tried to shove away the memory that kept reappearing.

James’ letter. She had known it immediately from the handwriting- her brother’s script always looked as if he was scribbling like his life depended on it.

That wasn’t the worst of it though. The letter was addressed to her, clear as day. It had been sent in November, just before Thanksgiving.

Emery had found it in her parent’s room just days after new years.

They had said he never wrote. They had told her he never would- James is much too independent, too shallow for such things.

Emery hadn’t even opened the letter. She only remembered shouting, its parchment tight in her hands as she shook the envelope before her parents. The corners nicked her fingers, staining the words with red. Their faces were blank through it all. As if they didn’t even care. As if it was no big deal that Emery had believed her brother had become a monster.They never spoke, nor tried to stop her when she couldn’t take the silence.

Emery had run, slammed the door and tore down the road until she saw nothing but fields.

She would find James. The university- that was where the return address had indicated. Emery had thought her brother never wanted to see her again. That he was nothing more than a memory, fleeting until he completely disappeared.

Emery had been told James didn’t love her. And Emery had been a fool to believe it.

Her tiny clock struck six, a green glow against the darkness of the cab. With knuckles white, Emery turned the wheel and passed yet another exit. Her phone buzzed beside her, just as it had done for the past half hour.

At this speed she would reach James before it even reached seven. The snowflakes thickened outside her window. It was as if the stars were falling from the sky, an endless swarm of glittering white. Even tucked inside the warmth of her car, Emery shivered.

Beneath the streetlights Emery saw broken stalks amongst the fields, covered in a dusting of freshly fallen snow. Soon they would be covered entirely. She felt the wheel jerk slightly under her grasp. The road had grown slicker as the night went on.

Fifteen more minutes in and Emery fought back a yawn. Her emotions had taken hold of her and the result was exhausting. All she could think of was James and the letter tucked safely in her glove box. She refused to open it. Better to speak to her brother herself- there was too much to explain. The contents were likely outdated anyway.

If only she could reach him faster.

Her own thoughts swarmed like the flakes outside her window, even the blare of music wasn’t enough to silence them. With a crank of the dial, Emery drowned herself in more decibels. It made her head ache, but it was better than thinking. Thinking about her parents, her brother, what she would even say when she got there-

Oh hey James- mom and dad hid your letters to me, but I managed to find them months later. Sorry I thought you left us for your heartless ventures, but you know…I’m here now.

If she could have slammed her head against the wheel Emery would have done so there and then. Waiting was unbearable and as she grew closer to the next town things only slowed more. With the roads being something akin to an ice skating rink, caution was necessary, no matter how anxious it left Emery to leave the prison that had become her car.

There, a marker just on the outskirts of the field. It glittered amidst the snowstorm and as Emery read it her spirits rose. The university- she was oh so close.

Without a second thought her foot pressed harder on the gas pedal. The road rumbled beneath her, covered in a sleek shine. Had there been other drivers beside her at that moment, Emery may have worried, though no one was out in a time like this. They would be fools to do so- a blizzard was hardly the time to take a trip. Maybe that was why Emery didn’t catch the debris; a busted scrap of metal that lay just after a thick sheen of ice.

The radio skipped when Emery’s tires collided with the debris. It would be the last song she ever heard.

A matter of seconds. From the corner of her eye Emery saw the first corner of glass crack, a mess of splinters that spread like lightning bolts. The air was forced from her chest as her seatbelt locked tight across her body. She jerked forward with hands tight on the wheel as if she could stop the horrors that fate had placed in her path.

Emery was always careful- she had always been a good thinker, yet in that moment nothing passed her mind besides the screech of metal and a spreading panic. Her windshield shattered and through it snowflakes sped past her vision. She blinked away the tears that left her eyes stinging, Emery hadn’t even realized she was screaming.

She was flung against the wall, no longer gripping the wheel. It would do nothing, not when she had landed sideways and continued to careen down the ditch on the side of the road. Shards of glass and mangled metal whizzed past her cheek. One managed to nick her skin, leaving a streak of red across her forehead. It was the least of her issues.

Down, down, down, Emery rolled. The letter was forgotten- James, her parents- all a mere afterthought. The vehicle skidded to a stop, its path obstructed only by a growing snowdrift.

Finally, Emery was still. She forced her eyes open, blinking against the onslaught of dust and snowflakes that clouded her vision.

Her body was littered with cuts, diluted by the snow that now fell freely through the windshield. Clothing in tatters, she shivered against the January winds, fingers twitching while she begged her body to respond.

Everything ached. Pains spread across her arms and shoulders, a bloody mess appearing where she had failed to shield herself from the debris that burst through her vehicle. Emery detected the sharp scent of copper, and beneath her tongue she too could taste a metallic hint. Her phone- she needed to call someone for help- she needed to get out of here. Her only chance at finding aid had been ejected from the window long ago.

With her phone no longer an option Emery struggled to escape the car. Her fingers fumbled with her seatbelt, though with all her weight pushed sideways the mechanism refused to budge. Again and again she tried, only growing more frantic with each second.

When she first saw the flicker a shred of hope had filled her core. Headlights. Someone had come- she was saved! Then it had grown, a brilliant display of orange and red, rising in an endless blaze. The pungent scent of gasoline covered any hint of blood she had detected before.

Smoke filled her lungs with every frantic gasp. Her choked coughs sounded through the empty field, though not a soul would hear. No one would catch the faint glimmer of fire at a night like this. No one would see the tracks leading far off the road, already filling with a fresh coating of snow. No one would see Emery in her last attempts to escape, tearing at her seatbelt with a manic ferocity and crying out to the ones that would never answer.

In the morning the news channels would flood with reports. A car overturned just outside of Valley. Inside, a girl. Emery Johnston. She was only seventeen. Poor girl, who would ever drive out in a snowstorm like that?

Reporters would flood the Johnston house, and two parents would answer the door. The mother would cry, her face perfectly reddened from hours of tears. The father would remain stone faced, though deep inside- the reporters swore that he was grieving amidst his silence. And when they were asked of their daughter and the great tragedy that shook their household they would say:

“Emery, our dear Emery? She always had a fire inside, a spark. She was independent, just like her brother. We hadn’t known she would try and sneak out, Emery never told us anything. By the time we had realized she was gone- we don’t know why she’d ever be so reckless. She’ll forever remain in our hearts. She didn’t deserve to go so quick.”

Police would scour the scene. They’d take the body, layered in frost and ash to be processed and eventually buried. Yards away they would find the phone and on it, several missed calls from James Johnston. Her brother. Nothing from her parents.

And with all they would discover at the scene, the authorities would never lay eyes upon a single envelope. Splattered with blood, ink smudged from the snow, it would lie under the floorboards of the Johnstons basement. Taking it from the glovebox had been quite the effort, a challenge to reach before the flames did, though Mr. and Mrs. Johnston always found a way. Their tracks were easily covered by the snow, and the busted scrap metal managed to disappear from the scene almost perfectly. As if it had never existed.

Poor Emery. For once they allowed themselves to grieve. Their only daughter. She had thrown everything away the moment she had taken the letter. With all the contents inside. James’ warning. It was a shame she hadn’t read it. Maybe then she would have caught on, though even with it merely in her possession, she had known too much.

James Johnston would hear of the news that day. He would sink to his knees, a cry escaping his lips as the truth sunk in. He had sent a warning. Why hadn’t Emery seen his warning? The headlines would flash across his vision, though deep inside he would know what had really happened.

Emery Johnston, murdered at age seventeen.

With fury in his veins, James drove through the night, all until he could knock upon his parents door.

#turtlewrites #short story #original story #original writing #stories #writing #ocs #suspense #thriller #writing snippet #snippets

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