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anywherebuthere · 2 years

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i'll love myself if you touch me like that | c.f.

conrad fisher x fem!reader

"Use me if you just insist that you love the body you refuse to kiss" - based on fuck me (i didn't know how to say) by crawlers

[or the one where you would give him your whole world and all he can give you is sex in the backseat of his car]

WC: 1.9k

A/N: i really wrote 4 fics, participated in some discourse and dipped huh... well, it needs to be said that i have read the books and have been a conrad girl since day 1 and am therefore better than the rest. let me know if you want to be tagged for part 2

Warnings: bad smut, light choking, titty sucking vaginal penetration, theyre doing it in a red jeep wrangler. angst, i hated myself while writing the smut holy. all participating parties are 18 in this.

masterlist | part ii | ao3

In retrospect, you’re not sure what you had expected when Conrad had texted you to go driving at 1:22 am. Perhaps Cousins’ summer heat and the buzzing of the cicadas had finally driven you mad. No amount of teenage delusion could turn a “u up?” text into any notion of romance, but when it came to him, you seemed to have an endless well of good faith in his intentions.

The cliffside view he had driven to was beautiful, with the moon reflecting beams of light off the sea, redirecting into the misty depths of Conrad’s eyes. He was sitting tense, his arm braced against the steering wheel, the cords of his muscles flexed, looking as pissed off as he had all summer. In all the years you had known him, had loved him, he had never been quite like this.

Sometimes you thought you could see traces of the gentle boy you knew; in the moments after sex, where all that could be heard were the mix of your breaths in the wind, and he would look over at you with that boyish smile, his eyes not quite as hard as usual.

Not that you’d seen much of him this summer, not in any way that really seemed to matter.

You hadn’t even known he was back in Cousins; for months, there had been little interaction between the two of you and you weren’t desperate enough to count him viewing your Instagram stories as such. There were no more late-night calls or even the occasional text. He was just… gone.

Seeing him at the bonfire had felt like a slap to the face. He had grown out his hair and his glasses were long discarded. It was that night that you felt something more in his gaze, as though he had grown hungry in the months apart.

When he kissed you for the first time, it hadn’t been anything like the naive imaginings of your youth. It wasn’t soft or loving and it didn’t happen after a confession in the rain. It was open-mouthed and dirty, the taste of cheap beer etching the memory.

It had been short-lived for the dramatics of it all, with Belly Conklin interrupting midway.

She had looked shocked but a little smug, with a look of “I told you so” carved into the creases of her grin.

Once, a summer or two ago, Belly too had felt a flicker of emotion for the boy. It was hard not to; Conrad had always had this quality, an effortless allure of sorts that drew people in. It was a pull that existed even now, amplified by his new sense of brooding, that made anyone who looked into those reflective eyes want to dive in and drown in their depths.

Of course, now Belly hardly felt much towards the boy, too enthralled by her new girlfriend Taylor to care. But she was your lifelong friend. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

It wasn’t long after that kiss that you started sleeping with Conrad. In the light of day, you rarely saw him, catching only the barest glimpse of him through your shared fence. Yet it only ever took the single meeting of gazes to end up in some closet or empty bedroom with the boy.

It felt unholy and blasphemous to the fantasies you had held for so long, but you relished in the rare moments of tentativeness. In every aching moment, every scorching touch, you yearned for him to see you. To notice the care and attention you place on your appearance, to trace the lines of your frame with more than just lust.

But now here you were, in his car for the first time since last summer, back when your yearning was something of tender love only felt in inexperience. The air hung heavy and you turned towards him, seeking his eyes, praying for a glimpse of the boy from last summer. If you could discern the boy of summer's past, then the love you felt would be justified. Then all the time you spent making yourself prettier, better, for him, would have been time well spent.

It would make all that you were less pathetic; because at least it would have been worth it.

When he finally turned to face you, there was nothing to be seen. He was an empty cracked shell on the shoreline and you were the foolish girl holding him close, listening for waves anyways.

And as he moved to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, leaving his hand to rest on the crook of your jaw, you let him pull you into his embrace.

The softness of his lips was contrasted by the hard urgency in which he kissed you, inhaling in your being as though you were the air he breathed. The hand cupping your jaw travelled down the column of your neck, raising goosebumps in their wake and you gasped against his mouth when you felt him give it a gentle squeeze.

As he swept his tongue against yours, you found yourself clinging to his back, clawing the smooth muscles built from years of football. He tasted like the cigars he smoked, like fire and ash. You were lost to the sensation of Conrad’s hands on your body, too filled with wanting to be embarrassed by the way you were moaning against his lips.

The white sundress you had haphazardly thrown on in the dark was sliding up, the hem skimming your upper thighs as he pulled you across the centre console into his lap. In the dark of the night, as you straddled Conrad Fisher in his red Jeep Wrangler, you caressed the contours of his face, cupping the strong lines of his jaw.

In moments like this, you could almost pretend you didn’t feel like shit being touched in this way; you could fake a level of tender intimacy that did not exist, pretend that you were more than some easy fuck.

“Do you want to move to the back real quick?” he asked, breathless, before moving to kiss the skin above your collarbone.

Almost.

“Uh- yeah. Sure,” you replied numbly.

Crawling into the spacious back seats, you could feel the weight of his stare. You barely turned around before his lips were on yours once more, tasting, feeling, consuming you whole.

This was where you always ended up. No matter which path you took, it always led back to him.

He broke away for the briefest of moments, out of breath and looked into your eyes, before peppering kisses along your jaw.

His hand shifted away from the small of your back and you felt a tug on the bow keeping your straps up. The delicate triangles of eyelet fabric fell away, revealing your bare breasts and you could’ve sworn you saw his pupils dilate at the sight before he dove in, taking one into his delicate mouth.

Whimpering, you sank into the matte leather seats, clutching his soft curls as he explored the expanse of your chest, openmouthed, gently biting and licking the stiff nipple. Trailing wet kisses down your naval, you shivered at the buzz of his mouth against your bare skin.

“Is this okay?” he asked. Your sundress was a scrap of fabric gathered around your waist, and he was making sure you were okay with his head between your legs.

Same old Connie.

“Yeah,” you murmured with a smile. “This is more than okay.”

The smile he gave you in return was effervescent. He was effervescent. It was always so easy to remember precisely why you had been stuck on him for so many years; why you continued to cross tightropes to keep his eyes on you.

Grinning into his kiss, you shifted your hips as he peeled away your panties. His shirt was off now, his pale skin glistening in the starlight. The echo of his zipper rang through the car, twirling around notes of heavy breathing.

He let out a shaky breath as he slid into you easily, groaning at the way you clenched around his thick length. Pulling out a few inches, he leaned in next to you, tickling the curve of your ear with a sigh.

“You’re always so fucking tight for me,” he whispered, thrusting in hard. “Always so pretty.”

Clasping your wrists in one of his hands, he pinned them against the window, which was collecting steam. His other hand coming to grasp your hip, he began to press into you harder, his strokes gaining rhythm. The slapping of skin reverberated throughout the jeep, creating a crude melody.

He was staring into your eyes, and for the first time that night, it felt like he was truly looking at you. All summer long, a fog had obscured his eyes, but at this moment, there was a clarity in his eyes. He was seeing you.

Shifting your legs to his shoulders, you cried out at the new angle, feeling his cock push deep against your cervix. Your knees shook as you pulsed around him, so close to finishing.

Bringing his hand down to where you met, you felt him begin to rub your clit, drawing elaborate figure eights around the swollen bud.

You came then, in his arms as he gave you infinity.

Pulling out quickly, Conrad stroked his length quickly, his cum spread out across your tits.

It was 3:05 and the cliffside air was still. In the aftermath of it all, you always found yourself stuck in the limbo between childhood friend and lover. In these moments you were both and neither.

“So- uh, did you want to walk around a bit? Or we could stop by the diner if you’re hungry…” you rambled, sounding all too loud in the quiet night air.

“Nah, I’m good, I have to be up early to meet Cleveland,” he replied, his voice low and husky. “We should get going anyways.”

You nodded eagerly, trying not to grimace. He wasn’t looking at you. In fact, he was looking everywhere but you.

The drive home was silent, without any attempt at conversation, as if he wasn’t inside you only 20 minutes before. As though you had not been moaning in each other's mouths, tasting the embers on his tongue.

Rolling into the shared driveway between your neighbouring beach houses, embarrassment dawned on you as the barest rays of sun graced the horizon.

“Is this the only reason you asked me here tonight?” you said, breaking the tense silence. Inside, your heart was crumbling.

Conrad said nothing.

How did you ever think he saw you? He didn’t see you at age 12 when he had first caught your eye outside of the friendship you shared. He didn’t see you at age 14 when you had gotten your braces out and he hadn’t seen you even at age 16 when he got his first pair of glasses to combat his astigmatism.

“Don't contact me again for stuff like this,” you said, with steel in your voice. Your vision was blurring. “Maybe don’t contact me at all for a while.”

Opening the Jeep door, you stepped out on weak knees, shutting it before the boy who held the shambles of your heart in his hand could call out your name.

When you closed your front door, escaping Conrad’s sight, that was when he allowed himself to cry.

#conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp imagine #conrad fisher smut #conrad fisher x reader smut #smut #angst #conrad fisher angst #conrad fisher x reader angst #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher x reader fluff

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bubblybubbubs · 5 months

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Stuck with Me (4)

Soulmate AU - Draco Malfoy x Reader Summary - Draco finally reunites with his amnesiac soulmate. She still doesn't remember him and he is sad. It gets complicated, they both have issues. Slow burn.

Word Count - 12k

AN: Holy shit. I'm sorry this took me two? years to churn out. But here it is. It's not super proofread which is surprising given it took me two years. I just knew if I didn't publish it the minute I wrote the last word it would never happen. If this is your first time seeing this series don't get discouraged by the length of this part, the other parts are a reasonable length I just went crazy here. Warnings: Smut adjacent tags : @sadgirlgiselle @flores-and-sunshine @pencilupyourass @procrastinatorofwriting @fluffybunnyu @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @bi-andready-tocry

part 1, part 2, part 3

The rubbish that scattered the ruins of Hogwarts dug into the fabric of your pants as you both sat against the walls of what once was the great hall.

Ron and Hermoine had both left, but you were both still there. It was dark and cold, and the moon light illuminated your face in the perfect way. The same way it had when the both of you would walk around the grounds at night, the only time there wasn't any prying eyes.

“So I got amnesia, and you ditched me?” You said plainly, breaking Draco's focus on the details of your face. He had given you a brief recap of what you should remember about him and why he had stayed away for so long, it didn't seem to be going in his favor at the moment.

Draco tensed. “Well when you put it like that..”

“What other way is there to put it?” You snapped back, the fire in your voice was so familiar to him he was almost happy to hear you upset with him.

“Im sorry I really am, I haven’t been making the best decisions as of late.”

“Yeah I can tell.” You said. “Now what?”

“You still don’t remember me?” Draco said, hoping you had remembered and were only dragging it out as a joke.

“No.” You said rolling your eyes.

“I didn't really have a back up plan. I just assumed you seeing me would, I don’t know, kick your memories into gear.”

“Cocky are we?” You said, unimpressed.

“I’ve been called worse”

“I don't doubt it.”

Draco felt as if this conversation was going worse and worse by the second. “You know with the way you're talking to me, you’d think your memories would be back.”

“Yeah maybe they’re sitting in my deep deep deep subconscious.”

“Funny” He said crossing his arms.

“Is that really the best you could do, I mean I am your soulmate after all, couldn’t at least dress up for the occasion?” You motioned to his pajamas, the ones he hadn't changed all week.

He turned bright red, he was going to kill pansy. If this kept conversation kept going as badly as it was, he would make sure Pansy would hear about it for the rest of her life.

“Yeah well, I didn't exactly have the time to pick my Sunday best.” He said. “My friend Pansy quite literally had to drag me off my couch for me to come here.”

“That excited to see me?” You said. “I think I remember her. Pug faced, Slytherin, kind of mean?”

“I'm starting to get offended.” He said frowning. Of course, you remembered Pansy, who you likely interacted one time in your entire life, and not him.

“Im starting to think there’s a reason I didn’t remember you.”

His face visibly fell.

“Sorry, this is kind of a new situation to me, I get mean when I’m nervous.” You said kicking the dirt under your shoes.

“And here I was thinking we were bantering.”

You made a face. “Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.” You weren’t sure how to handle the situation. You knew that you were missing something, even before the moment you saw him with Ginny, something felt off. But that didn’t change the fact that you knew nothing about the boy standing infront of you, your soulmate.

You stood up, reaching out a hand to help him up which he took.

“No use in being among this depressing rubbish is there? I remember Hogwarts, what I don't remember is you.” You said. “Might as well get going, Molly is supposed to make a big meal today, you should join us.”

"Me? In the Weasley house?” Draco chuckled. “Merlin your memory really is fucked.”

“Mr. and Mrs Weasley, hello.” Draco said sheepishly.

Draco was assuming that you didn’t know that the both of you would be so late to dinner, or maybe you did and the awkwardness of the situation was you getting some retribution for all the times he wronged you.

The Weasley's all sat around the table, and it was all of them. When Draco imagined a big meal, he just imagined a regular dinner for the Weasleys, but it was a BIG meal, there were mini-Weasleys here he didn't even know existed.

The older ones, Bill, his wife Fleur, Charlie, and Percy tried to remain polite and kept to their conversations.

Ron, George, and Ginny made no such effort.

Ron was about to protest his entrance when Molly stood up quickly welcoming him and magically adding two spots to the already stuffed table. Not surprisingly between the two worst options, Ron and Ginny. Y/n opted to sit next to Ginny leaving Draco to sit next to Ron, he audibly groaned when Draco sat next to him.

“Manners Ron!” Molly said to him causing him to mumble an apology. It came to no shock to Draco that Ron wouldn’t bother to hide his distaste for him, it was deserved to say the least.

“Y/n is a member of this family,” Molly said standing next to the table. “She is free to bring anyone to join our meals, especially when that anyone is her soulmate, I’d think you lot out of anyone would see the importance of a connection like that!”

“Now go on eat your food and stop gawking!” Molly tisked and mumbled under her breath. “As if they’ve never seen a Malfoy before.”

Draco awkwardly kept quiet.

“Thank you, Molly.” You responded. “We’re sorry for coming so late.”

“We’re just glad to have you, darling!” She said. “How is it going by the way, are the memories coming back?”

“It’s a work in progress.” You said smiling.

“Of course.” She said giving you a warm smile.

“Make yourself at home Draco, for as long as you’d like to stay.” Molly said.

Draco was shocked by her hospitability, he thought he would get kicked out of the house the minute they saw him, given his history.

“I’d reckon we should get them their own room Arthur. Better than having them both staying in a cot in Ginny’s room.” She said with a laugh.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary Molly.” You said nearly choking on your food with laughter. “I doubt Draco will be staying for too long.”

“Well, you never know.” Molly said.

“I think it’s about time I’ve got my room back to myself, no offense.” Ginny said with a playful grin on her face.

“Believe me, none taken.” You said. “But I feel as if I’m already imposing enough as it is I wouldn't-“

“Nonsense!” Arthur said. “It’s just a few flicks of the wand.”

“I’m starting to wonder why this didn’t come up a few months ago.” Ginny said.

“Wow I didn’t know rooming with me was such a pain Gin.” You said laughing.

“It was almost worse than when we all were sleeping in the room of requirement, remember?” Ginny said. This was a habit that Ginny had taken on, whenever she spoke about something that happened at Hogwarts she would always check to make sure you knew what she was talking about.

“Yeah, I remember.” You said smiling.

The mood at the table grew somber at the mention of the war and Draco grew stiff. Everyone at the table knew of his role in making the events unfold the way they did and he knew it too.

Bill interrupted with a story of how his baby was learning how to crawl and everyone’s focus shifted to him.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Draco said quietly to you. He couldn’t help the nervous feeling that flooded his senses. There had been a point in his life where he felt he couldn’t comfortably tell you anything, now here he was nervous to even speak to you.

“Pardon?”

“You said that I wouldn’t be staying for too long.” He said pulling together all the strength he had to not show his nerves. “I don’t recall deciding that.”

“You spent almost everyday of 6th year complaining to me about how Ron sat next to you in potions. Do you really think you could live here with Ron? Not to mention the rest of the Weasleys” You said it so freely you didn’t even notice that you had remembered something.

“You remember all that?” Draco said with a smile. He saw a glimpse of you, the you that remembered him, and he could almost feel the anxiety melt away. The return of the sense of familiarity.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” You said returning the smile. He missed that smile so fucking much.

“Yeah.” He said taking a spoon full of the stew Molly made. Trying to hide the grin growing on his face, it had been you. For a second maybe but for that second he felt as if he was talking to you, the You he remembered. "I think I’ll be sticking around.”

Molly was so excited to show you the new room, she kept going on about how it was the first room she had added since Ron and Ginny grew out of sharing a room. It was cute and looked like the rest of the Burrow.

“Thank you, Molly, this means a lot to me.” You said taking in the act of kindness. “You’ve been so kind taking me in the way that you have.”

“You are family.” She said pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We are here to help you through every step of your recovery, and then some.”

She looked at Draco who stood awkwardly at the entrance of the room.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” She said with a warm smile that Draco was growing to like.

“This is cozy.” He said.

“I hope you mean cozy in a good way.” You said making a face at him.

“Believe me, I do,” Draco said. "This is a mansion compared to my living arrangements these past few months.”

“Who were you staying with.” You asked as you ran your finger along the books Molly had no doubt picked out for you that sat on your new nightstand that had the signature Arthur Weasley touch, meaning that it was somewhat slanted but you wouldn't have it any other way.

“Blaise Zabini, you probably wouldn’t remember him.” Draco continued with a laugh. “Don’t believe I ever got around to introducing you two.”

“Was that a joke?” You said. “Can’t really tell if something actually never happened, or if I’m just not remembering it.”

“Oh, it was a joke.” He said embarrassed. “I never introduced you to any of my friends, our relationship was, private.”

“Except for this one time.” He laughed. “You had come up to my table during a meal and sat yourself across from me demanding me to speak with you, and when Pansy told you to buzz off you told her you were my soulmate.”

“Wow, I sound amazing.” You laughed.

“Yeah. You had your moments.”

He liked talking to you again, hearing your voice was intoxicating, but still, your conversations felt so impersonal.

You still had your snark but it wasn’t you, you didn’t look at him the way you used to, and he didn’t look at you the way he used to. It was as if someone else was living in your body.

Neither of you knew quite how to speak to the other so the room was filled with tense and awkward air, something Draco had never experienced with you.

“I think it’s best if we don’t stay in the same room.” Draco said.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” You said. “Where will you stay?”

“I have an idea, a potentially problematic one, but an idea nonetheless.”

“Are you demented.” Ron squealed. “You really think I’d have you sleeping in my room? I’d prefer to not be smothered in my sleep thank you very much.”

“Weasley.” Draco had never in his life imagined himself in this position. Groveling with Ron Weasley to let him stay in his room, it was almost hysterical.

“Don't Weasley me!” Ron scoffed. “It’s one thing you being my home, but my room! You’re out of your bloody mind, you’ve completely lost it.”

Draco wasn’t dim. He in no way had been expecting Ron to welcome him into his house with open arms, much less his room. But he was desperate, he had to be close to you. He wasn’t going to give up, not this time. He would make you fall in love with him a million times if he had to.

“I can’t sleep in the same room as her, and I don’t have any other options if I want to stay here.”

“She’s your soulmate, stay with her!”

“She’s not my soulmate, she’s not my y/n.”

“This is exactly why I don’t need you in my room.” Ron huffed. “I have no interest in any of your issues.”

“It won’t be a long time just until she regains her memory,” Draco said hurriedly. “This is me groveling Weasley, please.”

Ron let out a long and dramatic groan throwing himself onto his bed.

“If you kill me, I’ll be really mad.”

“I gathered that.”

“We really took nature walks?” You questioned. Stepping on the stones that lead you further away from the Burrow. The Weasleys lived fairly removed from anyone else leaving plenty of land to explore.

“Once in a while,” Draco said. “I think the stress of war really brought out our appreciation for the simpler things in life.”

Your hair was pinned up and you looked stunning, not that he could say that to you.

"How long are you staying for." You asked. "Not that I want you to leave."

"As long as it takes." He said. "If that's alright without you."

"That's alright with me." You said smiling at him. "Better than having you go be all lethargic on Blaise's couch." Even though Draco still felt like an acquintainces, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. You had gathered from what Ginny said that he hadn’t been in a good state since your injury and it weighed on you, you felt responsible somehow for what he had gone through in the last few months. You felt even more guilty about still not remembering him.

"Fair enough."

"You know he wrote me."

"He wrote you?"

"He wanted to make sure I was treating his best friend right." You said with a grin. "He really cares about you it's sweet."

"When you get your memories back you have to meet my friends, they've heard a lot about you."

"I wonder how long it's going to take." You say. "It's already been a week."

"Don't rush yourself." He said.

"I know, it's just so frustrating." You said. "I remember everything but you."

"It’s just the universe getting back at me for being born, it’ll pass."

It didn’t pass, months went by, and as each month came and went you both were growing less and less hopeful of your memories coming back. It was eating away at you, the way he looked at you when he was referencing something you knew he was praying you’d remember and how he looked every time you had to let him down. It was the same thing over and over, you would spend time together, he would bring something up from your past, you wouldn’t remember it and then he would remember you weren’t the y/n he fell in love with, those shoes were beginning to seem impossible to fill.

The stress you were under was overwhelming, every minute of your day felt like it was devoted to remembering. You weren’t allowed to move on with your life, to create new memories, not until you had recovered the old ones.

You tried to stifle your cries with your pillow but Ginny almost had a sixth sense with her keen readings of your emotions, so there she was at your door.

“Y/n.” She said softly approaching you, taking your face into her hands. “Hey, it’s okay.” She said continuing to soothe you. “I’m letting everyone down Ginny, why can’t I fucking remember? That’s the only thing anyone wants from me and it’s the one thing I can’t do.”

“What are you talking about.” Ginny said, “We just want you to be happy.” You took a second to catch your breath.

“Every conversation I have just seems like a test, I just want to live Ginny. I can’t keep going on like this, I’m just going to keep disappointing everyone and that’s too much for me.”

“You could never disappoint us.” She said pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “But I get how you feel, I’ll tell everyone to cool it, I promise.” “What about Draco?” He was your biggest concern. He had the most at stake with you, every day he was counting on seeing his soulmate in you and you just could never seem to do that for him. You didn’t want to let him down, make him think that his soulmate was gone for good.

“What about him?” Ginny huffed. “If he loves you as much as he said he does he’s going to be kicking himself knowing how you’ve been feeling. Everyone just wants you to be happy Y/n.”

Ginny left you alone with your thoughts, you knew you had to cool it with Draco. Maybe it was the amount of pressure you put on your relationship that wasn’t letting you remember it all.

You knocked on his door quietly.

“Come in.” He yelled from behind the door. Fred, Ron, and Draco were sprawled on the floor around some sort of floor, it was certainly an interesting sight.

“We’re playing wizard skittles, you want to play?” Draco said, eager to include you.

“No way man, we’re midgame. We’d have to start all over and I’m winning.” Ron said nudging at Draco to redirect his attention, which Draco ignored. “I’m good actually, I was hoping to talk to you, Draco.” The three boys looked at you not moving. “Alone.”

“We know when we’re not wanted,” Fred said taking the game out of the room with Ron on his tail. “You’re disqualified Malfoy.” Draco rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. “Is it your memory, is it back?” He said eagerly, you could almost hear him holding his breath. “No. But I did want to talk about that.” You said, he patted the spot next to him on the floor cushions and you sat next to him.

“I think it’s best for me, and my memory if I just stop all this.” Draco furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback . “I’m not following?”

“The constant questions, you walking me through every day we spent together. I just can’t take it. What if I never get my memory back.” You had already started getting yourself used to the idea. “That’s not going to happen, you’re already so close.” The thing was that you weren’t. You knew it, and you knew he knew it too. He just didn’t want to admit it.

“I’ve been close for months, this might well be the best we get and I think I need to move on with my life and so do you.”

“If that’s what you want,” Draco said looking at the ground and you counted yourself lucky for that. You wouldn’t be able to bare it, the final look of devastation and disappointment on his face. “ I can be out by the end of the week, I just need to talk to Blaise about moving back in.” He said looking away from you looking completely defeated “I’m sure he won't mind.”

“You don’t need to leave Draco.” You said, and you truly meant it. You liked Draco you really did, the issue was that you didn’t love him. The last thing you wanted to do was uproot his life again and make him start over. Besides where would he go? Regardless of your feelings for him, he was your soulmate, and you couldn’t let your soulmate go homeless.

“You were the only thing keeping me here.” He said sharply.

“You like it here, the Weasleys love you and besides you said you hated Blaise’s couch.”

“I do hate Blaise’s couch.” He took a long pause, still not looking you in the eyes. “I’ll let you know, thank you Y/n.”

“I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry for the way I’ve made you feel.” -

“What the fuck mate!” Ron said swinging the door open. Draco tensed at the sound. Him and Ron had surprisingly become good friend. Admittedly, it had taken a while but he found he had truly enjoyed the company of the person he despised for the majority of his life. The issue with that is that Ron no longer had any hesitation on commenting on his personal life. “Why did Blaise just write me saying you’re thinking of moving back in with him.” “She’s given up, she wants to move and I need to let her.” Draco said, avoiding eye contact with Ron. “She told you to leave? I can change her mind.” Ron said. Draco couldn’t help but feel a bit flattered that Ron would be willing to do that for him. “No, she told me to stay.” “Then why the fuck are you leaving.”

“Staying is going to break my heart.” Ron looked at Draco with pity. Draco hated that.

“You’re going to be heartbroken either way. Stop being stupid.” Ron didn’t get it, he and Hermoine had this annoyingly perfect relationship.

“I don’t want to impose on your family anymore either.” “I actually had a thought about that.” Ron said. “Ginny and I were thinking about moving out. We found a great flat, with four bedrooms. Hermione and I in one room, Ginny was going to take one, Y/n would take another and we have a fourth one, for you. ”

Draco stilled, “Really?” Flattered couldn’t begin to describe how he felt. This wasn’t a spur of the moment, ‘we’ll make it work’. They had thought of him when planning this. They wanted him there. “What about Potter?”

“Tried to convince him but I think he’s going to be staying with Andromeda,” Ron said. “Your aunt, he wants to help with Teddy. Feels awful guilty I reckon.”

Draco paused. His heart couldn’t help but feel lighter. Ron Weasley liked him. He was inviting him to live together, by choice. He had never imagined what forgiveness would feel like, but this seemed to be it or something close to it anyways. “I’ll talk to Y/n about it, I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Ginny and I haven’t talked to her about it yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” Ron said putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder and nodding at him. “So you can unpack that bag, at least for now.”

You held your boxes of things close to your chest as you walked up the stairs of your apartment building toward your new flat. It would be hard to get used to not using magic for everything, but Hermione insisted on it. Her new job in the Ministry had her more strict on the statute of secrecy than she had been in school.

“Need a hand?” Draco called from behind you. You were happy that he had chosen to join you, truly you were. The last thing you wanted was to tear him away from a life he had grown comfortable with, you saw the way he was happy with Ginny and Ron, and based on the letters you had gotten from both Pansy and Blaise this was the first time he had felt that way in a long time. He took a box from the top of your teetering pile before opening the door for you.

“It’s, nice.” You said with an evident pause. The question of how you had gotten such an affordable deal was instantaneously answered, you turned to Draco to see how he felt about the place but saw no such reaction.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Draco said setting your box and his things down. “I lived on Blaise’s couch for a year and have been sleeping a few feet away for Ron for the last few months. My own room is a blessing.”

“It’s perfect,” Ginny said entering the flat with her own boxes in tow, Harry not too far behind, helping her with her things. “I love Mum, but Merlin am I excited for some freedom.” “Like you ever listened to her.” Ron snorted, your friends fell into their comfortable banter and you wandered off toward the rooms. They were tiny for sure but you couldn’t help but like them. You were beginning to feel normal again when you first woke up and had no memory you didn’t see yourself living a normal life but here you were, back on track. Your eyes found themselves on Draco and you felt uneasy, you didn’t know how he fit into your new life. He was your roommate now, his place in this flat was as cemented as yours. You no longer felt guilt every time you saw him, that was a step forward for sure, but still, a sort of uneasiness came over you. You pushed it aside, the whole reason you had shut down Draco the way you had was so you’d be able to have a normal life, and that included treating Draco like you would every other person in the flat, like a friend.

“Draco your friends are here.” Ron called from the door as Pansy pushed past Ron and into the flat.

“Sorry.” Blaise said.

“What have I said about apologizing for me Blaise?” Pansy groaned. “Which room is Draco’s?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Draco asked.

“Starts living with a bunch of Gryffindors and forgets all about his friends, typical.” Pansy exclaimed.

“I got to say I agree with her.” Blaise said.

Ron walked away from them, overwhelmingly uninterested in their dramatics.

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Draco said. “You guys are my best friends.”

“Okay we get it,” Pansy said rolling her eyes. “No need to get all sentimental.”

Draco had really missed his friends, he liked his flat mates he really did. It took some time to get used to ‘Game Night’ but he was growing to appreciate the Gryffindor-esque of his roomates. But Pansy and Blaise had been there from the beginning, there were things about Draco that only they would understand, them and Y/n, of course, atleast the old Y/n.

“We’re taking you out for drinks.” Pansy exclaimed excitedly, shaking Draco slightly.

“Not my idea,” Blaise said shaking his head.

“I’m controlling myself now, I’ll be fine.” Draco said. He really was getting better, he didn’t like to think about the mess he was before he had moved in with the Weasleys.

“So emotional, the both of you,” Pansy said shaking her head. “It’s so boring.”

Pansy fussed over both his and Blaise’s outfits for the next hour before sheathing her jacket to show off one of her clubbing outfits, only much more extravagant than anything Draco has seen her wear in the past.

“Where exactly are we going?” Draco said.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” Pansy said.

It was worse than Draco expected, Pansy had really outdone herself. The club was packed, every few steps Draco felt the sweat of others on him and had to stop himself from physically cringing.

“Let loose a little!” Pansy said, her own excitement visible all over her face as she leaned over the bar to talk to the bartender.

“When was the last time you had a little fun?” Blaise said.

“I have fun.” Draco said. “I like living with all of them.” “I don’t mean that type of fun.”

Draco snorted. “What to do you think.” “You depress me Draco, you really do.” Blaise said. “Do you need me to be your wingman or something? How times have changed, the Draco Malfoy needs help getting laid.”

“I don’t need help getting laid Blaise,” Drcao said, embarassed and irritated. “I just don’t really want to.” “Merlin, it’s even worse than I thought.” Blaise immediately turned to the bartender ordering drinks for the both of them.

Draco sits at the bar silently, Blaise had found someone else more interesting and abandoned him so he was sulking at a bar, very typical of him, he thought to himself. He tried to look as unapproachable as possible but he felt a burning stare on him and couldn’t help but turn to look who was sending it. He looked up to see a girl who was intently headed in his direction, he looked around for his friends desperate for a quick way out but they were no where to be found.

The girl took a seat next to him, “Thanks for the drink.” She said with a slight giggle and she swirled her drink around before drinking more of it. Draco stared down at her cup completely confused before putting it together, Blaise just loved to meddle. He wasn’t sure what to say but luckily for him there was no need for that, the girl talked his ear off.

Eventually she grew tired of sitting and dragged him to the dance floor. Draco didn’t want to offend this girl so he feigned the most interest he could while simultaneously backing away from her. He was already many drinks in and he still wasn’t able to drown out the fact that this girl was not you. Evidently the girl didn’t pick up on just how put off Draco was and he had to put an end to it.

He pushed her hands off of his chest where they had been,

“Hey-”

Whatever protest he was going to put up were quickly shut down by the girl all but throwing herself on Draco, her lips were smothering his and Draco was complteley frozen for one second and the next he was gagging. The girl backed away immediately in disgust, just in time for Draco to throw up all over her shoes. The attention of the entire room seemed to be on him and the girl as many of them began to laugh at the scene. Pansy and Blaise quickly found him and dragged him to the bathroom.

Pansy tried to stiffly her laughter as Blaise scolded her.

“I thought you could hold your liquor Malfoy.” Blaise laughed. “Time have really changed.”

“It wasn’t the drinks, she kissed me.” Draco mumbled.

“Did she taste bad or something?” Pansy chortled.” God how embarrassing, for her that is.”

“She tasted fine.” Draco said as he cleaned himself infront of the bathroom mirror.

“It’s okay mate, you tried.” Blaise said. “But if you had let me be your wingman you probably wouldn’t have thrown up.” “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Draco said plainly, amusment gone from his voice. He could’ve told them that this would have happened. Saved them the trouble. He was living with you as friends sure, but that didn’t mean he was over his soulmate. Pansy and Blaise exchanged a guilty look.

“We’ll take you back to your place.”

Draco closes the door behind him quietly, feel a bit of relief wash over him.

“Hey,” You said from the sofa, she was sat down working on some sort of craft project. “How was your night out?”

He considered being honest with you, telling you that he threw up because he couldn’t handle kissing anyone that wasn’t his soulmate. But there would be no point in that because you were not his soulmate. He wasn’t sure when it had set in but he knew that he didn’t feel the same way seeing you as he once did, so he lied. “It went great.”

“That’s great,” You said smiling up at him. Draco started to head towards his room before you called after him. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

He nodded before taking a seat on the couch, leaving a seat between the both of you.

“I don’t know how to approach this, given our situation.” You looked up while you spoke, avoiding his eyes. “I got asked on date, and I wanted to take them up on the offer. I just wanted to check with you before I said anything, I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” He didn’t understand how he felt, he thought he didn’t love this new Y/n but the thought of you going on a date with someone else made him want to throw up again. It was a constant whirl of confusion, but you seemed to know what you wanted. The only thing he did know was that he missed his soulmate, so much that it hurt.

“Go for it, I’m good.” Draco lied. “Really, I am.”

You posed in front of the mirror with Ginny and Hermione.

“We look so good,” She shook you with excitement. “I’m serious we’re going to kill this party.”

“This is what our last few years should’ve been like, partying, dressing up,” Ginny said shaking her head. “Not war.”

“I’m glad Parvati is having this party,” You said adjusting the straps of your dress. “Melin, we need it. I mean when was the last time any of us were able to feel our age.”

“I agree,” Hermione said. “And we look really good.”

The three of you were dressed as pirates, Parvati had called all of you up only a week ago with the idea of throwing a Halloween party and you had all been in agreement. “Can you tell Draco that he has to go?” Ron said standing in your doorway and knocking on the bathroom door to get your attention.

“He doesn’t want to go?” Hermione asks.

“No,” Ron says frustrated. “He thinks people aren’t going to want him there.”

You follow Ginny and Hermione out of the bathroom, Draco is sat on the couch arms crossed, likely already having received a lecture from Ron on the importance of Halloween parties.

“Draco get dressed!” Ginny exclaimed pulling his blanket off of him. “You’re going to make us late.”

“I already said I’m not going,” Draco said yanking his blanket back. “I’m serious, I don’t want to spend my whole night surrounded by people who hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.” Ginny said, sounding wholey unconvincing.

Draco didn’t budge off of the couch.

“Fine whatever, be lame!” Ginny said going back to getting ready followed by Hermione. Ron scoffed and went back to putting together his own costume, a mummy. You stood awkwardly in the living room, across from Draco. His eyes softened when it was just you, whatever irritation he had at his friends dissipated.

“The point of this party is to get everyone’s spirits up after everything we’ve gone through,” You said. “You went through the War just like the rest of us, you deserve to move on too.”

You give him a small smile before heading off to the bathroom too. Ginny talked your ear off about how excited she was to see everyone and Harry who had been so busy lately. You nodded along to her recounts drifting off until a soft knock caught your attention.

Draco stood at the door, he was wearing an orange shirt with a haphazardly drawn face on it, “I’m a pumpkin.” He said, you couldn’t help but smile up at him.

It seemed like your entire year had shown up to the party, it felt strange seeing everyone in the same place again. Your friends had all dispersed all having their own people to catch up with, except for Draco who stuck by your side.

“Are your friends coming?” You asked him as you maneuvered through the crowd of people.

Draco snorted, “No, Pansy told me she’d rather die and Blaise said that I’d damper his Halloween spirit.”

“I guess we’ll just have to show Blaise you have tons of Halloween spirit.” You said.

“I guess we do.” Draco laughed. “Want me to get us some drinks?”

You nodded before he walked off, you could sense his uneasiness as he walked towards the drinks, having to get past all of the people who wanted nothing to do with him. You hoped he’d be able to have a good time, you were the reason he was here after all.

You were brought away from your thoughts at the familiar nasal tone of Romilda Vane’s voice, it was the same one you heard gossiping almost every night in the Gryffindor common room.

“What is he doing here?”

“Doesn’t he look good,” Lavender said. “Merlin, how does he make orange work?”

“He’s a murder Lav, get yourself together,” Romilda said. “ How the fuck did his psycho ass even get invited?”

“Apparently he lives with Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Y/n.” Katie chimed in. “Merlin, he’s got to have put some spell on them.” Romilda said in disbelief. “What the fuck is he playing at.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spun around to face them, the look on the three girls faces blanched for a second, not having seen you. “Mind your own fucking business.”

Lavendar and Katie backed away, not wanting the confrontation but Romilda only puffed out her chest and stepped closer to you, it was an intimidation tacit she had used since your first year.

“We have the right to be concerned for our safety.” Romilda sneered. “Well, I’m telling you that your perfectly safe, so shut your mouth Romilda.” You said trying not to backdown. You were not a fighter, Ginny had enough aggressiveness for the both of you.

“What, are you shagging him?” Romilda laughed. “Is that really all it takes to get you to forget that Death Eaters are bad, it’s pathetic really. ”

Before you could even process that Ginny was right behind you, ready to handle Romilda herself, you hit her. Your fist stung and you shook it as she cried out and gripped at her face, making a spectacle of herself. Everyone was turning to look at you.

“What is going on?” Padma said. You explained under your breath, Padma had always been your friend more than Romilda’s, it didn’t take much convincing to show her Romilda was in the wrong. It was Romilda after all. Katie and Lavender had to drag her out as she cried out in protest.

“I’m so sorry Padma, I know how much this party meant to you, and to everyone.” You were more than embarrassed.

“She was out of line, it would’ve been wrong for you not to put her in her place.” She said before leaving you on your own. The party quickly picked up, your drama no doubt firing a bit of the stir.

“Was that awesome or what?” Ginny said coming up you with Hermione and Ron in tow. “Where did you learn to hit like that? Oh wait, I totally taught you!”

“Where’s Draco?” You asked, there was no way he had missed all the commotion. You hoped you hadn’t made him feel worse. Ginny rolled her eyes at how quickly you killed her excitement. “In some corner sulking probably,” Ron said. Hermione supported his statement, nudging your elbow and pointing towards where he was. Standing in a corner of the room while swirling his drink around. You abandoned your friends and walked towards him, already piling up the stew of apologies you owed him. “I’m so sorry Draco, I didn’t mean to bring more attention to you.”

He looked at you confused, “You hit Romilda because of me?” Your face turned red.

“You didn’t hear all that?”

“Not until she started screaming. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t have come.”

“No, It’s my own fault. I just got myself carried away.”

“What happened?”

“She was just saying stuff she had no business saying.” You said.

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “Ruining your night, if I hadn’t come she wouldn’t have had anything to talk about.” “Don’t apologize. You're my friend, I’ll make a million more scenes if I have to.”

“Please don’t.” He laughed before his expression softened. “I’m glad we’re friends by the way.” Draco meant it too. Surprisingly, it was getting easier. You weren’t the Y/n that was his soulmate, you were the Y/n that was his friend and this reality was increasingly becoming less scary.

“Me too.”

“Fuck.” He said.

“What?” “Now I have to punch someone.” Draco said pinching the bridge of his nose, feigning anguish. You laughed and shoved him.

“What is she doing!” Ginny yelped as she pressed herself to the window trying to get the best look down from her apartment building.

“Keep your voice down.” Hermione scolded from next to her, although she was equally as curious. Even with Hermione’s shushing Draco and Ron came out of their rooms to see what the fuss was about.

“What’s going on?” Draco said looking between the two girls and then at Ron who looked equally as confused.

Ginny let out a scream at the sight of Draco before standing on the couch making her best effort to cover the window. “Don’t look!” Draco ignored Ginny and went up to the window, it was You. You were wearing, what Ginny would call a ‘Bad Bitch’ outfit, it was new, he definitely hadn’t seen it before. It seemed like you were going to wear it to wherever Zacharias Smith was planning on taking you in that car of his. This must’ve been that date you had told him about, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought it was going to happen, but here it was.

“It’s fine.” He said moving away from the window. “She told me she was going on a date.” “Did you know it was with Zacharias Smith!” Ginny exclaimed, sinking into the sofa in defeat. “That guy sucks!”

Draco didn’t know Zacharias but he was glad to have a valid reason to not like him, although Ginny’s bar for ‘suck’ was pretty low.

“It’s really none of my business.” Draco said, he didn’t miss the look of pity from Hermione and Ron.

“It its your business,” Ginny said. “You’re her soulmate!”

Draco sighed “I really don’t want to get into this right now.” “It’s alright mate.” Ron said, patting him on the back. “Leave him alone Ginny!”

Draco made his way back to his room, shutting the door behind him to try to lose the sound of Ginny and Ron arguing. He was trying to convince himself that it was fine, he had date options too! He could finally take Astoria up on that offer, Pansy wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, Astoria being Daphne’s baby sister and all that, but still. What did Pansy know anyways? If Y/n could move on, he could to. In fact he had to, he didn’t want to seem obsessed with her or anything like that. They were roomates afterall.

Draco pulled paper out of his desk before writing to Astoria, he crumbled it up the first time. But the second time he managed a possibly too formal invitation for a date, he handed it to his owl before he had the chance to change his mind.

You picked at your food as Zacharias went on about what he’s been up to since Hogwarts. Working his way up the ministry ladder, or something along those lines. You remembered one of the conversations you had with Draco when you were still trying to get your memories back, he was telling you how he’d rather die than be a Ministry Man like his father, and grandfather and possibly all the Malfoy men before him. Zacharia had not no such concerns. You took a mouthful of your pasta before noticing the way he was looking at you, eyes wide with a slight smile, head tilted like he was expecting something. He must have said a joked that you missed.

“Sorry!” You said, “Trying not to laugh with my mouth full!” “No worries, it’s good for a woman to have manners.”

You held back a laugh, but this time not to have ‘manners’ but to spare his feelings.

Draco poured cereal into his bowl as he heard the sounds of keys jingling, outside of the door. Would it be awkward for him to be in the kitchen as you came in, would it seem like it was on purpose? It was already too late for him to go running into his room, he had to act natural.

The door opened and he could hear the voice of Zacharias carrying into the flat.

“I had a great time.” Zacharias said. Merlin he even soiunded like a prat.

“Thanks.” You said awkwardly, “Me too.” Draco wondered if you meant it, but he was quickly taken away from his thoughts by the sight of Zacharias pushing you into the door and kissing you. The door, which was already open agape, swung open at Zacharias pushing your body against it and hitting the wall. Draco really wished he had taken that chance at making a run for his room.

Zacharias moved away from your completely still form at the sight of Draco. “You live with him?”

“Uh, yeah.” You said stepping away from him further.

“Whatever.” Zacharias scoffed, clearly upset by Draco’s presence. “I’ll call you.”

“What was that about.” Draco said as you went to close the door behind Zacharias.

“Oh, well we talked about our soulmates. So I explained our whole situation, I just didn’t mention that we lived together.”

“I hope that’s not a problem.” Draco said, in reality he hoped it was a problem but you didn’t need to know that. “In all honesty, I don’t really care if it is.” You said kicking your shoes off. “Good night Draco.”

“Night.” He called out after you, the urge to go on a date with Astoria was very much gone but he knew that the Owl had likely reached her by now. He was expecting a howler from Daphne any second about asking her sister out without checking with her first.

Draco groaned and poured his cereal down the drain, he had lost his appetite.

Draco went on his date with Astoria, and then some. And you grew to tolerate Zacharias.

Even with the both of you being involved with other people, the undeniable fact was that it was your day. Unbeknownst to both of you, you would both lay awake at night under the same roof wondering what would happen. What if you didn’t hear eachother’s voices? Draco thought that would explain why things weren’t the same, but he didn’t want to consider that. He didn’t want to replace you. Although sometimes it felt like he was, Astoria laughed a certain way or wore a certain shirt and he was reminded of how he never meant to date again.

You were stretching, having just woken up when you felt the tug. You were stunned for a second, one of the things you had yet to remember where the tugs, you couldn’t remember a single one and here you were experiencing it again.

Draco spoke first, “How are you?”

The confirmation that was hearing his voice somehow lifted a pressure off your chest. “I’m well. What are you having for breakfast?”

“I was going to have pancakes.” He answered.

You stepped into your slippers before making your way to his room. You knocked twice.

“Come in.” He called.

You pushed the door open and stood in his doorway. “Hey soulmate.” “Hey.” He said laughing a little, although there was a ting of sadness carried in his tone.

“Mind if I join you for those pancakes.” You said.

“Not at all.” He smiled stepping out of bed.

You were so sucked into the domesticity of it all, the way you and Draco were able to get through everything you’d gone through and still be friends that you almost missed the way he managed to look good even after just waking up, almost.

You were a nervous wreck, dinner usually had away of going sideways with the 5 of you, now with the added elements of Harry, Zacharias, and Astoria you weren’t entirely sure what to expect.

It had been your idea after all, you had made an attempt at convincing Ginny that Zacharias wasn’t the complete asshole that he had been at Hogwarts to no avail. So this dinner was to try and show them that you were going out with him for more than a free meal, and to possible also convince yourself of that as well. And if you we’re being completely honest you wanted to see what Astoria’s deal was. Draco never brought her over to the flat, the same way you never let Zacharias get past the door way. But now they’d both be in your home, fantastic.

The doorbell rang through the house. Everyone was here except for her, the spot next to Draco and across from you was empty. Draco stood from his chair to get the door, but not before catching the anxious look on your face.

You turned towards Zacharias pretending to be interested in whatever he was telling Ron and Harry about, you could see it on their faces that they were about disinterested as you. You wondered what exactly made you continue to date him, he was handsome, maybe that was it. Sometimes he could be funny, and he was very gentlemanly. You supposed that was enough.

Astoria sat across from you. You knew she was a year or two below you in school but that was about all you knew about her, but she looked exactly like you imagined her to. Her dark brown hair was blown out and framed her pale face nicely, she had light blue eyes that contrasted against her dark hair and her bold red lipstick. She was from one of those old rich pureblood families like Draco and she looked the part. Seeing them sit next to each other they looked like a perfect fit for each other, the Ministry husband and the gala-planning wife.

You noticed that everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Sorry?” You said, clearly having missed something.

“Astoria was just introducing herself to you.” Draco said, concern etched on his face.

“Right, sorry.” You said. “Lovely to meet you, truly.” She gave you a tight lipped smile as she exchanged pleasantries with the rest of the table.

Zacharias gave you a weird look but you missed it, instead staring down at your plate.

The small talk was going well for a few minutes. Not that you were too engaged in it, you couldn’t help but sneak looks at Astoria and Draco. You knew you had wanted him to move on from you for so long, but it’s one thing to want it and another for it to happen right before your eyes.

“So Zacharias, what have you been up to.” Harry asked Zacharias.

“Working at the Ministry, surprised you lot aren’t there too.” Zacharias said. “Working isn’t for everyone, I suppose.” You elbowed him for his brassness.

“Well Zacharias,” Ginny said. From the way she put her fork down you nearly wanted to cower under the table. “Some of us have a War to recover from.”

Zacharias snorted. “I went through the war too, I’m perfectly fine.” “Did you though?” Hermione said under her breath.

“What was that?”

You wanted to scream. The worst possible scenario was actively unfolding. You felt the realization wash over you, this guy was actually just a fucking asshole.

“Everyone saw your cowardness Zacharias.” Hermione said sitting up straight and looking directly at him. “You pushed first years into danger to get yourself out of it.”

“It’s called survival skills,” Zacharias said, not backing down. “Maybe if you lot had some this table would be a little more full, yeah?”

The table went silent as Zacharias pointedly made eye contact with Ginny and Ron.

“You need to go.” You said breaking the silence, you couldn’t even look up at him from how humiliated you felt.

“What!” Zacharias said offended, “I’m just standing up for myself.”

“Get out!” You said standing up. “I’m serious Zacharias, you need to go.”

Zacharias stood up aggressively and the rest of the table except for Astoria stood too.

You walked to the door holding it open for him. “Now.”

Zacharias angerly gathered his stuff and made his way out. “Can one of you make sure he finds his way out?” You said, tears welling up as you made your way to your room followed by Hermione and Ginny.

“I’ve got this.” Draco said, motioning for Harry and Ron to stay put.

“What the fuck, are you following me?” Zacharias said as Draco got into the elevator after him.

“Just making sure you find your way out.” Draco seethed.

“Well, I’m fine, thanks.”

“Yeah I think I’ll stick around until you’re out the door.” Zacharias huffed and Draco stood in the elevator arms crossed until they reached the ground floor.

When Zacharias stood outside of the apartment building, he looked back at Draco, eyes flailing. Zacharias rubbed his face in frustration before mumbling under his breath a curse mixed with your name.

“Excuse me?” Draco said grabbing him by the collar. “You’re friend’s a cunt.” Zacharias seethed, not backing down despite having Draco at his neck.

Draco ignored the voice of a cop down the street yelling at him to let Zacharias go. Zacharias pushed Draco off of him only to be met with Draco’s fist. Zacharias pushed Draco back and made to punch him back before Draco pushed him onto the ground.

“Cut it out!” The cop yelled getting inbetween the both of them.

“Merlin, fuck.” Harry said watching from the window.

He knocked on your door not wanting to disturb whatever motivational speech Ginny and Hermione were giving you. “Sorry to interrupt but, I’m afraid Draco is getting arrested.”

“What?” Astoria said standing up from the table and looking out the window herself. “Merlin, Draco.”

You wiped the tears of humiliation off your face and went to go look out the window too. “They’re taking him away! Where are they taking him to.” “Where do you think,” Ron groaned. “Most likely the police station genius.”

“I don’t need this snark right now my s-” You paused. “Draco is being arrested.”

Astoria stood awkwardly next to you, not entirely sure how to react.

“I’ll drive.” Ginny said grabbing her keys off of the counter and making her way out of the flat.

“I think I’ll go on my own.” Astoria said, forcing a smile.

“Right of course.” You said closing the door behind her.

Draco’s phone call was met by voicemail so he assumed that his friends were already on their way. Merlin, what was he going to say, Astoria wouldn’t find it weird that he punched Zacharias for you would she? Would you find it weird?

The door of the police station swung open, it was you and the rest of his friends, with a lack of Astoria that went unnoticed by Draco. You rushed to the desk telling them what you were there for, you looked so concerned. Draco found it entirely endearing. The secretary went off to talk to one of the officer and your eyes scanned the room for Draco, you waved slightly when you finally saw him, he smiled at that.

“We’ll let you off with just a warning this time.” The officer said, you trailing not too far behind him. “You the girlfriend?” He said turning to you. You blinked staring at Draco and then at the officer.

“No, that would be me.” Astoria said coming up next to you, because she was his girlfriend. Not you. There had been no reason for you to hesitate, yet you did.

“Just keep him out of trouble Ma’am.” The officer said. “Let there not be a next time.” “There won’t be officer,” Astoria said smiling at him in a way that made the officer turn light pink. She was charming, you never considered yourself charming.

��Do you want to ride home with us?” You asked looking back towards your friends who were waiting by the door of the station, watching curiously on this unspoken game of tug-a-war between you and Astoria.

“I think he’ll come with me.” Astoria interrupted before Draco could answer. “There’s probably not enough room in Ginny’s car.”

She grabbed Draco by the hand leading him out of the police station without stopping to say goodbye.

Draco glanced back at you with a tight lipped smile. “I’ll see you at home?”

You nodded.

You fell asleep waiting for Draco to come home, the sound of the door opening woke you up. You stood to talk to him.

“Why’d you hit Zacharias?” You said standing across from him.

Draco sighed, shaking his jacket off and throwing it onto the couch. He ran a hand through his hair before answering, “Because.” He paused. “I’d do anything for you.”

Your breath catched at the look on his face as he turned to you. His eyes were dark and all of his focus was on one thing, you. He got closer to you until you could feel his breathing on your nose.

“Draco,” You said, “Fuck.” His finger tilted your face upwards to kiss you before he pushed you closer to the sofa, he spun you and pulled you down with him until you were sitting on his lap. His mouth was on your neck but he moved his wet kisses down towards your chest, yanking on your shirt until you pulled it off over your head.

“Y/n” He called, you only hummed in response.

“Y/n.” You blinked slowly, you were on the couch but not on top of Draco. No Draco was in front of you, shaking you awake.

“Did you fall asleep waiting up for me?” He asked, brows furrowed.

Your chest heaved with each shallow breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked, taking in your appearance.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said rubbing your eyes as you sat up. “What time is it?”

“It’s 2.” He said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be waiting up for me.”

“No, I don’t know why I thought you were coming right home.” You said. “I should go to my room.”

He nodded, “Good night.” You stopped in your doorway, turning to look at him. “Why’d you hit Zacharias?” “You’re my friend.” Draco said. “And he was being a prat.” “Sorry, you got arrested.” You said.

He shrugged. “No big deal.”

“Good night Draco.” You said before closing the door behind you. You didn’t give yourself time to think about your dream, or why Draco hadn’t come straight home, you collapsed onto your bed and let sleep take you.

Astoria was perceptive, but she didn’t need to be to see your obvious affection for each other. You were talking to each other animatedly on the sofa, bodies fully turned towards each other, you couldn’t get enough of each other’s presence. Draco hung onto every word you said the same way your eyes were glued to his. She wasn’t the only one to notice this, she didn’t miss the excited glances that Draco’s roommates gave each other whenever they saw Draco and you acting this way. She put down the bowl she was stirring.

“Draco can you give me a hand with dinner?” She called out from the kitchen, she didn’t miss how he lingered next to you. Obviously not wanting to leave your side, and she didn’t miss the way your hand slipped off his arm, where it had previously been. She turned away from the sight, wiping angrily at the tears welling in her eyes.

“What’s up.” He said.

“Uh.” Astoria paused. “Can you finish up dinner, I’m not feeling well.”

“Oh yeah totally.” He said. “Don’t worry about it, you were so kind for offering to make dinner for us in the first place.”

“Rain check?” Astoria asked. “Sure.” He said leading her out the door. “Want me to walk you to your car?”

“No need.” A part of Astoria thought he would notice the tone in her voice and ask her what was wrong but he didn’t, he shut the door behind her and she heard his quickly retreating steps, most likely eager to get back to you.

Ginny and you laid on your bed while your nail polish dried, you were reading a magazine while she stared you down.

“What do you want to say to me Ginny.” You sighed putting down the magazine. You had known Ginny long enough to pick up on her tells, not that she was discrete with them.

“It’s not what I want to say to you.” Ginny said. “It’s what you want to say to me.”

“Okay.” You paused. “What is it you want me to say.” “When we’re you going to tell me about you having a crush on Draco!” She whisper yelled. “Do you have your memories back?”

Your face burnt bright red. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why are you lying to me right now,” Ginny said. “I’m not going to tell him.” “I don’t have my memories back.” You said laying back down and covering your face with your hands. “And maybe I do like him, but he doesn’t like me! He’s dating Astoria, plus he’s only interested in me if I have my memories.” Ginny blinked at you. “Are you fucking blind. Even Astoria can see that he likes you.” “No, he doesn’t!” You said. “I’m the one that pushed him away remember?”

Ginny groaned in frustration. “I hate you so much.”

“Why do you choose to make your life more difficult than it has to be!”

“I am not making my life more difficult.” You argued. “I’m saving myself from humiliation.”

“He is in love with you!” Ginny said, You shook her head and picked your magazine back up. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Then when will we?” Ginny said. “When he really does stop loving you because of Astoria?”

She walked out of your room slamming the door behind her.

Groceries in hand you dug through your pockets for the keys to the flat. You stopped in your tracks when you saw Astoria, she was standing on your doormat waiting for a response but she started walking towards you when she saw you.

“Hi, Astoria.” You said. “I don’t think Draco’s home right now.” “I’m here to talk to you, not with Draco.” She said.

“Oh.” You paused, “Let me just put this stuff away and we can talk.”

She nodded walking into the flat and sitting down on the sofa after you opened it.

“What’s up.” You said, taking a seat next to her.

“I need you to leave Draco alone.” She said, not looking you in the eye.

“What?” You said incredulously

“He told me what happened with the two of you.” Astoria said.

“What-” She interrupted you. “You cut it off with him. So please let him move on.”

“Astoria, he’s my friend.” You said, “I’m not trying to seduce him or anything.”

“ I love him,” Astoria said. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone when you don’t have a soulmate? It’s impossible, but I found Draco.”

You were silent. He was never her’s to find. You weren’t dead, he would still hear your voice every year. Did she not know that? You so wanted to drag her by her perfect hair. Who was she to tell you what to do?

“So, please. Let him go.” Astoria pleaded.

“What exactly is it that you want him to do.”

“Just leave him alone.” She snapped, then regained her composure. “By stringing him along, you’re ruining his life. You’re never getting your memories back, get used to the idea.”

Your eyes unfocused out of anger.

“Get out of my house.” You said. She looked at you and opened her mouth but quickly closed it and stormed out. You slammed the door behind her, turning on your heel towards your room. You couldn’t believe her audacity. You laid on your bed trying to compose yourself while staring up at your ceiling.

What would Draco say if you told him she had confronted you like that? Surely, he’d be on your side.

You turned to your others side. But Astoria was right, you did turn him down. And you aren’t getting your memories back. Even if he were to start ‘liking’ you again that wouldn’t change.

You felt lonely, Ginny was too upset with you to talk to you and you were trying not to talk to Draco. Even though you truly hated Astoria, she was right. Your crush on Draco would only mess with both of your lives. You weren’t speaking to the two most important people in your life. You couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed, so you didn’t.

You heard soft knocks at your door. “I’m letting myself in.” Ginny said. She took in your room and tried to ignore the mess before making her way to you. “I’m so sorry if I went too far. You’re my bestfriend. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Ginny.”

“Then what’s wrong with you.” She said. “You’re not treating yourself right.”

You stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Y/n please.” Ginny said quietly running her fingers through your hair. “We’re so worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” You said turning away from her.

“Is this about Draco?” GInny said, she had only seen you like this once before.

You couldn’t help the way the sobs racked your body. “Merlin, I just love him so much.”

“Oh sweetheart.” She climbed into bed with you, hugging you tight as you cried.

“I just don’t want to keep hurting him.”

“I know.” Ginny said pressing kisses to your forehead. “But do you honestly think Draco would be anything but happy to hear you love him?”

“I don’t want to risk it.”

“Just fucking being in the same space as him makes me happy,” You said. “I don’t want to make him want to leave.”

“Haven’t you seen how close him and Ron are?” Ginny said. “He could hate you and he’d put that aside to live with his bestie.”

You laughed at that,

“You’re my best friend.”

“I know.”

“I love you Ginny.” “I love you too.” She said. “So please get yourself together and go get your man.”

It took you three days to work up the nerve to talk to him.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, your makeup was done but not to the point it would be too obvious, and your hair looked slightly cuter than usual.

“Get yourself together.” You told yourself, you stood up from your vanity with determination.

A knock sounded through your room, it was probably Ginny asking you when you were planning on making the move.

“I’m coming.” You groaned. You swung your door open expecting Ginny but were met with Draco.

“Draco.” You said curtly, “Sorry, I thought you were Ginny.”

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked,

“What?”

“You did your makeup, and your hair.”

There goes being subtle.

“Oh- uh-no.” You said.

He nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. You would’ve picked up on his weird behavior if it wasn’t for your nerves.

He opened his mouth to say something but you quickly interjected. “I need to tell you something.”

He opened his mouth again but you interrupted. “Sorry no interruptions, I need to get this out or I’m never going to say it.”

You sighed and he watched you curiously not saying a word. “I love you.” You said. “And no I don’t have my memories back, and I don’t know if they’re ever going to come back.” You choke back tears and Draco hasn’t moved an inch. You so desperately hoped he’d shut you up by telling you he loved you but you continued. “And I don’t need them to come back, because I’ve met you again. I’ve fallen in love with you again, and I know you have Astoria, I know that. But I feel like you should know that I love you because what’s more soulmatey than me falling in love with you twice.” You bit your lip, not looking him in the face as you took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m you’re soulmate Draco, I know it in my heart. I know that sounds so incredibly cheesy but I do, I see you and I can’t breathe because I love you so much. Every moment I’m not with you I’m thinking about you. I don’t need my memories to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed.”

There was a quiet pause. “You can talk now.” You said.

“I broke up with Astoria.” He said.

“When?”

“Just now, I just came from seeing her.”

“Why?”

“Because Y/n. I love you too. I never needed you to get your memories back. You’re not the same person I first fell in love with but it doesn’t fucking matter because I’m still irrevocably in love with you y/n. I never fucking stopped.”

Your heart nearly exploded. You were frozen for a second, but only for a second. You were overcome with the urge to touch him. You all but launched yourself at him which he eagerly accepted. His lips caught yours and his hands went to your waist pulling your body to his. You had unwillingly caught Draco and Astoria kissing a few times, and everytime you couldn’t help but get angry. You had felt a possesiveness, he wasn’t hers for her to be touching like that. You let that feeling control you. Things were how they were supposed to be now. Your hands went to his chest and you couldn’t help but pull at his collar. You wanted it off, you wanted to feel his skin on yours. His kisses moved down to your neck, too focused on you.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this for.” You said lustfully.

He laughed, stopping the kisses. He took your face in his hands, smirking at you. “You have no idea.” His eyes were dark and his voice was low and raspy. You could fuck him right there in the hallway.

“Let’s take this inside, yeah?” You whispered in his ear. Pulling him into your room behind you

“I don’t get why you need to move out.” Ginny groaned as you pushed another box out of your room.

“I’m sorry Ginny, I promise you it wasn’t an easy decision to make.” You said.

“Is Draco forcing you to move? You know just because you’re back together doesn’t mean he’s the boss of you.”

“I know that Ginny, it was a mutual decision.” You said putting down the box to look at her. You loved living with your friends you really did, and you loved seeing how much they loved Draco. Although they would deny it entirely, by your friends living alongside of you they were nursing you back to health. You wouldn’t have made it without them, and now you were better. You wanted to prove to yourself that you would be okay without them as your crutch. Besides you knew that you would see them almost everyday anyways. Not that you would be completely independent, you would have Draco.

You were finally where your life was supposed to be.

“We’ll still talk everyday.” You reassured her, pulling her into a hug.

“Treat her right Draco.” Ginny said. “Or you’ll have to deal with me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

You bound up, sitting up in your bed. You had an unsettling dream, but it wasn’t a bad one in fact it was a pretty happy dream. Draco was there, but he was significantly younger and you two were arguing but you could tell neither of you meant what you were saying, and you were in Hogwarts and remembering Hogwarts had began to stop hurting.

It was a nice dream. Your grogginess immediately went away and you shook Draco awake.

“What’s the matter, what’s wrong.” Draco said pushing himself up to look at your face.

He just saw you staring at him with a big grin and tears streaming down your face.

“Y/n, what happened are you okay?”

“Draco,” You said choking on your sobs and throwing yourself at him.

He was still taking in what was happening when it seemed to click. He held you tight. “You have your memories back.” You didn’t say a word just feverishly nodding as you pressed yourself closer to him.

“I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through.” You said pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded and began to cry too.

“I’d go through it all again a million times over if it’s what it took to be with you.”

#harry potter x reader #slytherin #draco malfoy x reader #draco x y/n #draco malfoy imagine #harry potter #draco malfoy #hp

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h-c-u · 1 year

Text

No longer a secret pt 4

Summary: The one with goodbyes and introductions.

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader

W/C: 6.7k (i don't know what happened, but I can already say that the next one will be shorter)

Rating: PG, age gap

TWs: none

A/N: Not me finally having to set the story in time and realising I fucked up the dates, because I wrote the first part as a favour, knowing exactly 0 things about F1. Nope. Couldn't be me. (so yeah, the qualis FOR SOME REASON were on Friday here, with the race on Sunday. I will not be taking any notes about that cause I know I fucked up.). Also - protective Toto, my beloved <3 Also also - a fair warning - I am sick. So this part was written in one sitting mostly by fever, stuffed nose and proofread by my lovely cough.

Taglist: @crimeshowjunkie, @omgsuperstarg

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | List of tags | Playlist for the series

He didn't have to say anything for you to pick up that this moment of serenity was about to end.

- You have to go, don't you...? - you were the first to break the silence and he sighed.

- I told them I'll be in the motorhome in an hour, and well... It's getting pretty close to that. But... I was hoping that you would come with me to officially meet everyone. And we could swing by your hotel after the meeting. - you turned around so quickly, that you almost strained your neck. Objectively - it was a logical next step, even though you've already met most of them in passing, but never as a, well... not-a-reporter. - Unless you're not ready yet, then I completely understand. - you loved that he even took that under consideration because even though you just announced it to the whole world, he understood how big of a step that was.

- No, no, no... It's not that. It's just... I might need some time adjusting, so my first reaction might be still influenced by muscle memory, you know... I still might look over my shoulder to see if anyone is there, I might take away my hand when we're in public... - you started to explain. - And it will have nothing to do with you, I just have to unlearn a few things that I've carved into my head over the last year. And I might need a few reminders every now and then. - you gave him a soft smile, and he pulled you closer as if he wasn't the one who said you should be going.

- Then I will do that... Every now and then, that is... - he placed a soft kiss on your lips. - I think I might actually enjoy it. - you chuckled softly and took a deep breath, inhaling the subtle scent of his cologne.

- Sounds very reasonable, but let's go now. You don't want to be late, Cariad. - you ran your hand through his hair, ruffling them up a little, so they'd have more volume. He looked handsome in every rendition, but when he was more casual... it just did things to you, and he knew that; that's why he didn't even bother to change whatever you did.

You got up first and offered him your hand to help him get up. He didn't need it, but even a few seconds of touching you were too appealing to pass on.

- I'm going to grab my bag and I'll be ready. - he finally got up and you could feel his hand sliding over your body because he didn't want to let of you just yet, but he knew he had to. Besides, it's not like you were saying goodbye forever. The bag was already packed with the necessities in the other room; a habit you developed, because you never could find everything in the morning, so it was easier to gather all you needed in the evening and have it ready to go when you were about to leave.

He was ready to go when you returned to the living room. Even though it was the middle of July, the weather was awful, but it wasn't currently raining, so you didn't take your jacket with you, since this time you knew you'd be able to hide somewhere under the roof in case it started raining. Besides - if it did - you were hoping to steal Toto's again because the perspective of being surrounded by his scent was more than appealing.

- Oh, I almost forgot... You should have your own. - he said just before you left. He took a key card to the room from his pocket and passed it to you, while you stood there confused - I requested one in the morning, before the gym, but then things happened, and... yeah. Anyways - you should have your own since it's going to be your room too. - somehow this small gesture seemed more meaningful than the fact that you agreed to move in with him because it was so obvious that your brain chose not to think about it... But he did.

- Thank you... - you finally recovered from a temporary shock, took the card from his hand, and put it in your bag. Somehow, he managed to prove to you time and time again, that you didn't have to think of and do everything alone, and even after a whole year of being with him - it still surprised you, because, throughout your whole life, you never had that kind of support from anyone else; in the end, you were always alone. And with Toto... you simply weren't.

On the way to the elevators, he wrapped his arm around your waist, and you put yours on his hip, only letting go when you got to the car, where his hand quickly found yours again. For some people, this amount of physical contact might have been excessive or overbearing, but for you, it was never enough, considering that for the longest time, you couldn't even look at him too long without risking rumors, so this change was something you were more than excited about. Sure, you were still in the car, which was in the garage, but the knowledge that you simply could start doing those things in public was enough.

- Should I know anything before I meet everyone? - you asked when you were getting close to the track, finally focusing on what was about to happen.

- Not really... You already have them at a disadvantage, love, because you've listened to me talking about them for a year. All they know about you is that you're damn good at deceiving. And that you're a great reporter. - he chuckled lightly, bringing your hand to his lips just to place a soft kiss on the back of it. - You have nothing to stress about. - just as he was finishing, your phone started to ring, and you had to dive in to see who wanted something from you.

- Good afternoon, Ms. Y/l/n, I'm calling from the Silver Hotel about your checkout. The cleaning staff went in and it seems like you haven't vacated your room just yet, is that correct? - oh how much you wanted to swear and scream, but you knew that what happened wasn't the concierge's fault, so you just took a deep breath.

- Yes, that would be correct. I apologize for that. I assume there is an option for a late checkout in your offer. I would be happy to cover that fee. - your tone of voice changed so much from your regular, that Toto looked at you surprised; but that's what happened if you were dealing with customer service after working in customer service, and before you went into journalism - you had to earn money some way.

- Yes, of course. - you heard some clicking on the other side of the phone. - I see that this room is still under the Network's account. Would you like me to add that fee to the standing bill? - and you just knew that the concierge knew exactly what was going on. You couldn't help but smile, because that's what happened when you were unproblematic, nice, and tipped well.

- That would be perfect, thank you so much for offering. I could be there in about half an hour, maybe a bit more, would that still be within the late checkout? - you asked, and Toto looked at you with a question in his eyes.

- Not a problem, Ms. Y/l/n. Yes, the late checkout is till 2 PM, so you would be more than fine. Is there anything else I can do for you, ma'am? - he asked, you denied, and that was it. Only after the call ended you sighed heavily, just as you were pulling to the track.

- I have to go back to the city, to get my things from the hotel because my wonderful former employer canceled my room with today's date. - you explained when Toto stopped the car in front of the first gate.

- Bastards... - he mumbled barely audibly, but you still heard it and saw his hand tightening on the steering wheel.

- It's not that bad. The concierge was super nice, and they'll charge the fee to the network’s account. So, I'll get the taxi, get my things, leave them at the hotel and be back in what... About an hour, maybe a bit more. Would that be ok? - what you meant was if there would still be enough time to meet everyone, but it seemed like he understood your words differently.

- Nonsense. You won't be overpaying for a taxi this weekend, and considering how long it will take for one to get here... Just take the car, it'll be much easier, and you'll be back quicker. - he said it so casually. It wouldn't be the first time you drove his vintage Mercedes, but it would be the first time without him in it.

- Are you sure...? - you asked, and he just smiled, a little bit amused by your unusual lack of confidence.

- Of course, I'm sure, Schatzi. I trust you. - he smiled, and got out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. It took you a moment to gather your thoughts again, to the point where Toto was able to get around the car and open the doors for you, and only now you were hit with the cacophony of sounds coming from the other side of the gate.

You took his hand to get out of the car and he pulled you closer for a kiss he had to lean in for, even when you stood on your toes.

- This is me... - he whispered in between the kisses. - Reminding you... - you felt him smile and you couldn't help but do the same. - Every now... - your hand easily found its way onto his back. - And then. - he dragged the last one as long as possible, and you couldn't help but flinch when you heard the camera’s shutters opening and closing from afar, even though you didn't know if any of them were pointed at you two. - It's ok. - he added, immediately noticing that something was wrong and pressed his forehead to yours, so you could calm down quicker. - We're ok...

- We're ok. - you echoed with a weak smile that didn't reach your eyes. You couldn't shake the feeling that what you did a couple of hours ago was a bad decision and the consequences will be bigger than you expected. - See you in a bit. - you stole one last kiss, and he finally let you go, so you could get around the car and get behind the wheel.

You were glad that he didn't leave first and waved you goodbye until you were out of eyesight because you hated watching him walk away under any circumstances.

The ride to your original hotel was quick and uneventful, although, in the beginning, you were stressing out more than you expected. But eventually that feeling disappeared and you pulled in front of the building and passed your keys to the valet. As soon as you did that, your phone started blowing up with notifications and requests for comment from people whom you worked with only in passing. You will definitely have to get a new number since instead of reporting on the news, you somehow became one. You muted your phone, choosing to deal with all that mess later.

You quickly entered the hotel and went to your room, but before you managed to open the door, you heard a familiar voice calling your name, and when you turned, you saw the whole crew that came with you to the GP.

- Hi guys... - it was hard for things not to get awkward because just yesterday you were all talking about your plans for tomorrow's race. For a good moment, you all stood there, just staring at each other in the hallway, but someone eventually laughed, and the atmosphere immediately changed.

- Congrats on getting out! You gotta give us some pointers on how you managed to do that so quickly! - the same friend you were talking to this morning finally broke the ice. You were working closely together because it was hard not to be in constant communication with the commentators, and under those conditions, it was impossible not to become friends.

- Sure, sure... You got it! Do you want to come in and talk while I pack? - 7 people in a small room would definitely be crammed, but it was doable; you all knew that from the experience.

- No way! Have they already kicked you out? That was quick.

- Yeah... And I found out from the hotel because I kind of assumed I'll have time till tomorrow. I mean, I was still going to leave the room today, just... you know... later today. - you finally opened the door and let everyone in... Two commentators, three camera operators, one drone operator, and you. You weren't sure who closed the door, but as soon as they did, the questions started, even before everyone sat down anywhere there was space to sit.

You were expecting it to be awkward, but they seemed genuinely happy for you, even though some questions were wildly inappropriate, but considering that you were traveling together for a good part of the year, it was hard not to get close. You often talked about private topics and technically it wasn't any different, except for you it was, because you were serious about Toto. And as soon as you expressed that, they dropped it down a few notches.

- Oh, yeah! Have you heard who will be sent to take over? - you shook your head, while you were closing the zipper in your suitcase. - Fucking Jenny.

- Oh shit, I'm so sorry guys... - you couldn't help but laugh. - Especially to you, Nat... - you gave an apologetic look to your ex-camerawoman, and she pretended to be shot in the heart, all in good faith though.

- You know I know how to make her look worse on camera, right? - she laughed, and everyone joined in. - I was making you look so good because you have some heavy blackmail material on me. - another wave of laughter rippled through the room.

- Ehhh... I'm gonna miss this, not gonna lie... - you sighed because it was true. Whatever the Network was doing, you had your people there... People who were there for you in good and bad times.

- It's not like we'll stop being friends. And! Since we most likely will be covering F1 till we die, we'll still see each other. – you weren’t sure who said that, but it was true.

- You know you can always visit us, right? And you know, maybe smuggle some good snacks for us from the VIP lounge. - Gabe, one of the commentators said and pulled you into a hug, with such force, that you fell on the bed with them.

- Deal... But I got to go, I promised I'll be back on track asap. By the way, why are you all not there? - you sat back up.

- Because we don't have a reporter...? - well now the answer was obvious. There were no races today, so no need for commentators, and nothing interesting to film, besides interviews. - So, we have you to thank for a day off work, a great parting gift. - Nat gave you a radiant smile. - By the way, I still can't believe that you were able to hide it for a year, because I saw you interviewing him up close so many times, and I didn't clock anything! Even now, knowing that you were with him - I can't pinpoint the signs!

- Yeah... We really tried to think of everything, and to be honest - I still think it was worth it because the info is out for what... Two hours? And I already had to mute my phone because it turned into a vibrator. Social media, people from other networks requesting either a comment or an exclusive. Like, I knew people were recognizing both me and him, but this... This is excessive, and I really hope it will die down soon. - you sighed heavily, letting Gabriel play with your hair like he did so many times in the past. - And with it being a secret, we had the opportunity to learn whom we were together without our every move being overanalysed under... - there was a knock on the door. - ...the microscope. Yes?

- Ms. Y/l/n, I'm sorry to interrupt. It's 2:15 PM. Is the room ready to be vacated? - the unfamiliar voice asked through the closed door.

- Yes, I'm so sorry, I'm leaving now. - you replied and the crew got up and out with the speed you recognized from them packing the gear so you all could go and party. You were the last one to leave the room with your suitcase, remembering to slip a tip for the cleaning crew.

Your friends walked you to the elevators when they gave you one last group hug.

- I'm really glad we had a chance to do this, guys... - you whispered, not minding at all that you were being smashed in the middle of the circle.

- Yeah, you take care of yourself, ok...? Be careful and don't forget about us. - you laughed, trying to hold back the tears that started to gather in your eyes.

- Never. Even if I wanted, I couldn't. Too much blackmail between all of us. - you joked and finally stepped into the elevator. You waved them goodbye while the doors closed, and only when they couldn't see you anymore, you dried the tears and made sure in the mirror that your makeup didn't smudge because of that. It, fortunately, didn't, so when you stepped into the lobby, there were no signs of sadness. You returned the keys to your room in the reception and got your passport from the concierge, whom you recognized from your conversation before, so you made sure to thank him again and give him a huge tip because he definitely deserved it.

The ride back to the track was calm again, although getting out of the city took you a moment due to the sheer number of tourists and fans of F1, but as soon as you got to the open road, you put on some music and just enjoyed the ride. Despite it being an older car, it was still in great condition (which could coincidentally be said about its owner), and the engine pleasantly purred when you were handling it just right (which could also coincidentally be said about its owner).

Only when you got to the gate you remembered that you don't have any kind of pass or ticket with you, which meant that you were a bit stuck, so you shot a quick message to Toto.

"Hey, I'm back in front of the gate. Don't have a pass. Help please...?"

"Still in a meeting. Sending someone to get you."

The reply came almost immediately and while you waited, you started chipping away at the mountain of messages you were getting, mostly with just 2 words "No comment". But then you got to the notifications from different websites because of course you did. You will have to turn off the alert with your own name at least for a bit, because it looked like gossip sites found their next victim, and it was you. You still couldn't wrap your mind around how it happened because you were just a reporter. With a loyal following, but still. Your name was never mentioned in mainstream news, in a non-professional way, and now... Ehhh... And even though a few titles made you laugh (especially the one called "Little Red Hood and the Wolff", because you never thought that your red flowy dress would be a reason for such a header), you still turned the notifications off, because you knew from experience that reading about yourself wasn't exactly healthy.

When you heard the knock on the window you jumped and dropped your cell, because even though you were expecting someone, you got so deep into what was happening in your phone, that the outside world stopped existing.

- Hey Y/n, can I hop in? - Valtteri asked and you couldn't believe that Toto chose to send him. You were expecting an assistant, or literally, anyone else from the team, definitely not the driver.

- Hi! - you gave him a huge smile through the window. - Sure! - you quickly moved your bag from the front seat to the back, so he could have a place to sit. - Good to see you again! - you said when he was in the car.

- You too. - even though he was smiling, there was this nagging thought in the back of your head. It was the first time you saw him not in a professional capacity, so maybe you were just imagining things, but you still made a mental note to keep an eye on him. - Here's your ID, and you can get almost anywhere you want around the track with it, not counting other teams’ motorhomes and garages.

- Thank you so much for getting that for me. - you took the pass from him, put it around your neck, and started the car again to finally get to the track.

- Not a problem. By the way, I'm kind of jealous that he lets you drive this car... I asked so many times to take it for a spin… - you chuckled a bit, but you weren't surprised.

- Yeah, sometimes I can't believe it too... How are you by the way? - you drove up to the gate again and showed your fresh ID to the security guard, who checked something on his computer, but as soon as he saw, who was in your passenger seat - he instantly stopped and let you through.

- I'm good, thank you for asking. - and there it was, that feeling again. After all your years in journalism, you could tell when someone wasn't telling the whole truth, but you didn't know him well enough to dig deeper. Maybe one day...? - How about you? - he flipped the question on you, while you drove in the general directions of motorhomes.

- In the middle of a shitstorm I caused, but I don't want to scream or cry every 5 minutes, so I think I'm handling it pretty well. - this time his laughter was genuine, and you smiled.

- Yeah, you kind of sprung this on everyone, and people still have trouble believing it. Although Lewis is bragging to everyone who will listen, that he already knew. He didn't, did he...?- you couldn't help the laughter. Valtteri was surprisingly easy to talk to off-camera, but you couldn't help but wonder, how much of that was rehearsed behaviour and you couldn't wait to get to know the real him...

- Sorry to disappoint, but he did. - Bottas mumbled something in Swedish, which you suspected was a swear. - Not by much, but yeah. He found out yesterday after the qualis. - you offered a bit more information.

- Are you kidding? He's making it sound like he knew for months! - you couldn't help but laugh when you finally got to the familiar outline. Technically you were never inside any of the motorhomes, but up until yesterday, it was your job to know where everything was.

You reached back to get your bag and both of you left the car, and you double-checked if it was for sure locked.

- Well... I can tell you when we made it official between us... If that would make it even. - the driver opened the doors for you and with a gesture showed you which corridor to choose.

- I would love that. - he seemed genuinely excited to know more than his teammate, and you chuckled at that competitiveness.

- It was right after France last year, literally right after the race and right before my interview with Lewis. So, you can rub it in his face just a little bit. - you smiled, and his expression was more suited for a pirate who just found a cave filled with gold, but after a moment he got confused.

- Wait, I thought Toto said that your first date was in Berlin...? - Valtteri wanted to clarify.

- It was. Wait! You watched my live? - you were genuinely surprised.

- The whole team watched it on TV! Our PR and social media teams were pissed that they weren't informed about anything because they're kind of in crisis mode right now. - he laughed, but you didn't; you knew how intense managing this sort of news could be.

- Oh, shit... I didn't even think of that. I should have... I’ll have to apologize to them. - you said in a bit more serious tone, making a mental note about it. - But yeah, since all the teams were slowly getting to Austria, there was no chance for someone to look for either of us in Germany. So, we stayed in Berlin for a few days, went on a road trip to Prague, and then flew in to meet with everyone on track. - you got to the correct room just as the meeting was ending, at least that's what you assumed, because everyone was closing their laptops.

- Thank you for that! Can't wait to rub it in his face! - and then it finally clicked. You knew exactly how and what he felt, how could he not...? But you didn't want to talk about such a serious topic in the middle of the corridor, just as you were getting to know him. But soon...

- Just not too much! And Valtteri...? - you said just as he started to walk away after accomplishing the mission of delivering you to Toto, but he turned around. - Take care of yourself, ok? - he looked confused for a second, but very quickly shook it off and replace it with a smile.

- I will! - you knew that wasn't the whole truth.

- Pinky promise? - you asked, extending your little finger in his direction, masking your seriousness with a burst of small laughter. You could see the hesitation on his face when he looked at you, trying to figure something out.

- Pinky promise. - he eventually said in a much quieter voice, but he wrapped his pinky around yours and you shook on it. - See you around, Y/n! - and just like that he was back to his happy, bubbly self,

And that's exactly when Toto saw you through the glass doors and invited you in with a gesture.

- Hi everyone! - you put on a giant smile while you pushed the door and entered the room. You recognized few of the people on the team, but definitely not all of them. There were a lot of greetings at the same time, so you weren't exactly sure who said what, but Toto immediately pulled you into his lap as soon as you were within reach, and placed a soft kiss on your temple. You couldn't help but notice the surprise on a some faces, and you wondered if it was the first time they saw their boss this affectionate with anyone.

- So, most of you know who this lovely creature is... - he said, bouncing you a few times on his knees, which made you audibly laugh. - What you guys might not know... - he wanted to continue.

- They might... Apparently, the whole team watched our live together. - you cut him off with a quick comment, and by the look on everyone's face - you were right.

- Oh. - his face dropped as if the consequences of going public just got to him. - You were right then, Schatzi... The news indeed travels fast. - there were a few nervous chuckles from the team, but Toto quickly composed himself and started introducing everyone in the room, and you couldn't help but notice that they were either engineers or in aerodynamics.

Overall, it was nice, but meeting so many people at the same time still felt a bit alien. Even though you remembered the names, all the facts about them started to merge into one blob in your head, and you felt a bit bad about it because you cared, and you wanted to remember everything correctly. They were meeting just one person, while you already met at least 25, and that was not all.

Because after the engineering, Toto took you to PR and socials, to which you apologized profusely, and even though you saw how much work they had on their hands - they were super nice about it. They only asked you to make an official post with them and after good five minutes of brainstorming the ideas, and Toto looking super confused the whole time, the suggestion of using a "Nobody's gonna know" sound won, and you quickly let them film you mouthing the lines, so they could use it later when they'll have all the material.

And just as you were about to move on, Joanna came in and introduced herself without prompting, and asked you if you had your passport with you because she'll need to add you to the jet manifest for the next trip, which was apparently another thing Toto already thought about before you. Fortunately, you had it in your bag, because you just got it back from the hotel, so you passed it to her, and after a short "It's nice to meet you" she was gone, and you couldn't help feeling more and more like you made everyone's job much harder, and all that during race week.

Before you managed to spiral down deeper, Toto took you to the garage, where there were even more people to officially meet, and fortunately - down here - not every name and face were brand new, because you knew them from doing interviews around the pit, even if only in passing. But you had the chance to finally speak with them a bit more, and when you got to a young build component logistics coordinator, you instantly clicked, and Toto had to pull you away because you very quickly lost track of time. But before you went, you quickly exchanged numbers with Georgia; she was the first one from the team whom you did that with, but you couldn't help yourself. And as soon as left the garage, she sent you the pictures of her cat, exactly as she promised.

- You're going to have to make me a cheat sheet so I can learn everyone's name because right now I'm not sure I remembered even half... - you laughed quietly when the gust of fresh air hit you.

- Or you could just talk with everyone and get to know them naturally over time... - he chuckled, pulling you closer, to the point where you had to grab him not to lose your footing. - How was the checkout, by the way, everything went smoothly? - he asked when you started guiding him to the place you parked.

- Yup, no issues. I even got to say goodbye to my crew, which was nice... I didn't realize how much I needed it until it happened. - You pressed your cheek against his shirt, searching for more affection, and then you heard someone calling Toto's name. You instinctively turned that way, but all you saw was the camera flashing. You could hear the swear leaving your mouth, because you realized what was about to happen and it was already making you sick, so you quickly dove into your bag in search of the car keys; fortunately you weren't far away and Toto could just tell that something was different, even though he couldn't exactly name it, because until now his experience with journalists was tame. Sure, they got in his face with the cameras, but never to the extreme.

But this was no journalist... This was a fucking paparazzi. You realized that immediately when you saw that he was alone, with no crew, just a camera with a giant lens and even more of them fastened to his belt.

- Toto, we have to leave. Quickly... - you whispered, putting the keys in his hand, and when you looked over your shoulder again, the paparazzi was already running in your direction.

One look at you and Toto knew you were serious, so he placed a quick kiss on the top of your head, trying to calm you down. And even though you were trying your best not to show any fear in your expression, it started bubbling under your skin. You knew it wasn't rational, you knew you wouldn't get hurt, and you knew - if it came to anything - Toto would take the brunt of it until the security would arrive, but you couldn't help it. You witnessed it too many times to be ignorant of what could happen in the worst-case scenario.

As soon as you got to the car, he opened the door for you and made sure to close it before the paparazzi got closer, so he wouldn't be able to shove the camera right in your face. You heard the questions asked and they made your skin crawl, but Toto calmly circled the car, completely ignoring the camera and saying that he was not commenting on that at this time. He was cool, collected, and professional, and it calmed you down a little, especially when he got in the car and very quickly adjusted the seat without saying a word. He gave your knee a gentle squeeze before he turned the key in the ignition, and just as he did that, you noticed more paparazzi running in your direction.

The first one was blocking the front of the car and was still taking pictures and screaming questions, but Toto quickly put the vintage Mercedes in reverse and started driving away. He had to slow down when he got to the swarm of photographers trying to get a shot, and you slowly got surrounded to the point when it was hard to move even centimeters in a desired direction without hurting the vultures around the car. You subconsciously reached for Toto's hand and gripped it tightly with both of yours, while he did his best to maneuver the car in the direction of the gate to the sound of camera shutters and the flashing lights. You did your best to keep your expression neutral, but you were shaking with fear, your usual confident self currently forgotten; it was the first time ever you were in this type of situation, and even when you were with the press, you always condemned this kind of behavior.

But then the wave of anger overtook you. It wasn't normal. It shouldn't be happening. Neither of you deserved it.

You quickly unlocked your phone and even quicker started an unannounced live stream. Only a few seconds had to pass before people started to flood in. You were careful not to show Toto's face because this wasn't about him. This was about those bastards who were attacking you. You've waited a full minute before you said anything, but the comments were already on fire, getting furious right there with you.

- Someone asked me earlier today why we waited so long before sharing the fact that we're together. This is exactly why. Not because we don't respect you, not because we’re ashamed, not because there were any restrictions on either side, but because of this kind of people. - you made sure to show everything that was happening around the car. - Don't interact with this type of media because this is not journalism. This is assault. - you've added and you continued to stream without saying another word, and you felt Toto's hand gently resting on your thigh, and when he looked at him, there was a soft, comforting smile on his face. And that was enough to calm you...

You continued the live stream in silence for few more minutes until the security showed up and dispersed the crowd. After you ended streaming, you cross-posted the 7-minute video on all of your platforms and put your phone back in the bag.

You wanted to say something, to apologize, but you got the feeling, that if said even one word, all that anger you were currently experiencing would disappear and you would break. And you weren't ready to do that just yet, so you covered Toto's hand with your own and let his thumb glide over your skin.

You couldn't help but wonder if revealing your relationship to the media was worth it... The impulsive thoughts entered your head again, and even Toto's calming presence couldn't stop them. The relationship itself was something you could never regret, not in a billion years, but shining a light on it...? It was something that started making a spiky nest in your brain and filling it with doubts. Wouldn't it be better to just wait? At least till after the race, or even better - after the season, so neither of you would be so accessible, because now - everyone knew where both of you would be. Well, not every single minute, but during the races, and it was enough to get to the both of you. How long will it drag? How quickly people will get bored? Will you have to face the same treatment back home, or will it die down after the season? Or was it just a fluke and it won't happen ever again?

You didn't even register when you got back to the hotel, because the dark thoughts were clouding everything else. Only when the door on your side opened, you realized where you were. You took Toto's offered hand, but instead of reaching for your suitcase, you pulled yourself closer to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, while his chin rested on the top of your head, and his hands were gently running over your back. All the emotions finally spilled out in the form of tears you couldn't stop. Neither of you said a word because you simply didn't have to.

He knew exactly why you needed to do that, and you didn't have to apologize, because he wasn't blaming you for anything. It took you a few minutes to eventually stop the silent sobs, and he moved his hands to your face, to dry away the tears his shirt didn't manage to absorb.

- We're ok. - he said, and you gave him a weak smile.

- We're ok... - you echoed the thing you said every time something serious happened, because no matter what - you two were going to be ok, and it was enough to either push you to fight or to calm either of you down. And it worked wonderfully. He placed one last kiss on your forehead before you let him go.

You were just about to get your suitcase and bag from the car, but he was already doing that. He didn't tell you that he loved you very often, reserving it only for special occasions, but he showed it to you in everything he did, and it was much more powerful than any words.

You took the bag from him and put it over your shoulder, but he kept the suitcase in one hand, wrapping the other around you, and you did the same, hooking your thumb through a beltloop on his pants, only letting go when you were in your room again.

He didn't even take out his laptop this time, even though you knew he was itching to go over the graphs a few more times before tomorrow. Instead, he proposed watching a movie, so you wouldn't start thinking about all this craziness again because he knew that you eventually would, and he wanted to give you a few more moments of peace.

Both of you slipped into something more comfortable and while he was ordering popcorn from the hotel kitchen (which you thought was crazy, but it's not like either of you thought about buying it in the store), you chose a French romantic comedy about a secretary who took part in a typewriting contest and fell in love with her boss while training for said contest. And Toto didn't even bat an eye when you quickly summarized the plot because he simply didn't care; and as long as you were happy, he could watch a romantic comedy with you, and even make comments about the plot.

But the thing was... When the movie started, there was still adrenaline in your veins from before, and only when you were in his arms, your body started to relax and come down from that overdrive. And with Toto's warm torso against yours, and his gentle touches wandering mindlessly over your skin, you finally felt safe enough to let everything else go, and you didn't even realize that you fell asleep to the sounds of soft music from a dance scene coming on the TV.

Part 5

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤#📏#No Longer a Secret by G.

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samioli · 4 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Saw this on my dash and there was permission for anyone who writes fics to do it, so I'm doing it!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

41!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

271,531! I'm pretty proud honestly, never thought the number would get so high! Also I'm pretty sure the smut alone is over 100,000 LMAO

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Ace Attorney at the moment!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

like a warm embrace

rough around the edges

wait (they don't love you like I love you)

where there is a flame (someone's bound to get burned)

hold onto me ('cause I'm a little unsteady)

WOW honestly i didnt know the last one was so high!! That was my first ever aa fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! What ends up happening is that I respond pretty well at first, but then i get overwhelmed and stop replying :(( And then by the time I'm ok again, i feel like it would be weird to respond. Please know i read each comment and it means the world to me!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 'burning the memories (that might have redeemed you)' since its a fic that takes place during 1-2 and before edgeworth's character development. I STILL HAVE THE HAPPY ENDING SEQUEL IN MY DRAFTS LMAO. I hope to finish it one day!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not sure! Most of my fics have happy endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not hate at least. Ive gotten some backhanded compliments before, but never flat out hate. Thank goodness for that.

9. Do you write smut?

Too friggin much

10. Do you write crossovers?

The closest ive ever gotten is a WIP where its a low-key Good Omens and Ace Attorney crossover, lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! What's new pussycat was translated into Chinese recently!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nah, I would be open to it, though!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Nrmt for real. They make my brain go BRRRRRRRR.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a lot, lmao. Probably the sequel to I am not a vessel for your good intent.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I would say. Dirty talk too, in smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions😔

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Nah, not my thing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Flash lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'd have to say Flame! That's my baby, and I think it has some of my best writing and pining in there.

I'm tagging @sapphire-wine, @majoringinsarcasm @sandboxer

@rage-against-the-dying-of-light, @apprenticeofdoyle and anyone else who would like to do this!!!

#narumitsu #ace attorney

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trlvsn · 1 year

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heyy!! I just found your blog and I didn't read a ton of your posts yet but u seem super cool and articulate. i love finding ppl with great analyses! I am curious if you have any narumitsu fic recs you would be able to share? I loveee hurt/comfort. My bad if you already have made a post about this! :D Hope you have a great day !!!!

ahh thank you so much! seriously, this is very flattering.

and actually, let me use this ask to make a proper rec list, because why not... (not going to recommended anything explicit, because idk how appropriate that would be? but read the ratings and tags in case my memory fails me).

1. grant us some indulgences - established relationship narumitsu, short and funny.

2. the star to every wandering bark - something i bookmarked recently so it must be good?

3. ab initio - i think it's phoenix -centered.

4. rough around the edges - hurt/comfort!!! kinda, i think? also autistic miles, tension and seven year gap nrmt.

5. a seven-year engagement - collection of two works that i enjoyed very much.

6. trust issues - hurt/comfort isn't tagged, but it kinda counts. this got recommended to me first, actually.

7. dating for a turnabout - also recommended to me first, a case fic.

8. let nothing you dismay - they are so stupid in this one, if memory doesn't fail me. more angst with a happy ending rather than h/c, but it's... close? i think?

9. promises - oh this one is h/c. they go on a walk.

10. set sail and cannonballed - they try their best in this one.

11. the sum of two halves - personal favorite. love the take on miles here.

12. (confetti)(smile)(heart) - phoenix gets a phone.

13. turnabout elevator - rec specifically for the asker as it is explicitly hurt/comfort.

14. alternative dispute resolution - not really focused on nrmt, but i liked it and hurt does get comforted here.

15. the walk to tomorrow - also h/c.

16. one step at a time - phoenix takes the bar exam.

17. i know that look, dear, eyes always seeking - wrote this one, now hate it with a passion but it's also my tiny 3000 word baby, so.

have a nice day as well!

#raysanswers #fic rec #ace attorney #narumitsu #wrightworth #fanfiction

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divinekangaroo · 6 months

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Thanks @palmviolet for tagging me!

How many works do you have on AO3? 154

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 900k

3. What fandoms do you write for? Peaky Blinders, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy VII, Dragon Age II, The Professionals.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Interesting and not straightforward question: I've been writing since 2007 and only rebooted my fics to AO3 in 2023. I backdated them to time of writing rather than posting live into the current update stream. I was vaguely curious to see what *actually* attracts readers through the AO3 search engine. So, my current top five are all Peaky Blinders Tommy/Lizzie fics, and given my small followers list, everyone following me will probably already have read them!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, and it’s my vain (both senses of the term) struggle with how to do it appropriately. I am conscious of how comments, particularly on an AO3 "archival" fic, can weight a reader's further interpretation/engagement of or with fic by that author, and that I'll never put so much time into comments as I do into fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The fics I thought of picking for these two pretty much overlapped. Perhaps this shows just how I approach happiness – it’s moments, it’s never an ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Only old Dragon Age fics. Interesting period of time where any fic author that didn't unequivocally support the moral rightness of one particular character's opinions was targeted. Like: ok to write torture/rape fics of this character, but only if it was clear the author thought this character was morally right. Such a destructive troll.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'll write sex, mostly as part of a larger arc rather than standalone smut; often it is a partial scenario rather than linear start-to-end event written in a rhythm to support a coherent wanking rise-to-climax read. I'm pleased if people find it pushes their buttons, but I'm also not bothered if it doesn't. I do approach smut as one of many possible lenses or frames for a character, however, so smut that detaches from character confuses me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Sometimes but they have to feel really right. I think I tend more to fusion or pastiche (I think those are the terms?) rather than crossover: I take a particular character concept/theme and port them into a particular environmental context which is not possible in the canon to see what happens. The only one I still have up is a FFXII/Dragonriders of Pern fic (incomplete) which was going to be all about the horrible knowledge of socially accepted and endorsed ritualised rape and forced feminisation of a character.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I'm not that popular to notice.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have a memory of one in FFXII but can't recall.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! Taught me a lot, including the kind of writer I am - difficult to collaborate as my push to complete within a motivational urge period will always be greater than a long-haul effort, and I struggle to be available for other people. I’m either good at the front end ideas-generation, or a micro detail ‘write this particular thing/scene and fill it with goodness’, and not very good at the middle bit – the long slot of planning and plotting and aiming for consistency etc. I am so grateful fandom exists to support non-traditional prose formats which let me play with writing and thinking and engagement without needing to produce to book-style production standards.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship? I usually fixate on a character, and pairings allow means to explore that character rather than being an end game.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh they all carry this potential. *cries* The issue for me is loss of motivational drive/thinking; because I rarely have good structural notes etc if I lose my immediate thread of 'thinking of everything all at once' I find it hard to pick up again later. I also stop some fics because I realise how ambitious the scope really is, and I feel like I can’t do them justice.

16. What are your writing strengths? Speed-sketcher? Completionist? Tests multiple ideas rapidly and freely and never worries about something 'being wrong' because there's always another fic to try? Intuitive gut level hits on characterisation here and there?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Editing, pacing, I can't sustain long fic, I frequently move characters around like paper dolls for the sake of the cool and forget they need their own internal motivation.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I prefer the kind of cant-based/dialect-based approach which splices non-English terms fluidly into English dialogue, mostly because as a child of many migrants this has been my world experience. I do suck at writing this, hence my frequent use of cop-outs to say 'language shift here, meanwhile still writing in English'. But when it’s done well it hits so many of my sweet spots.

19. First fandom you wrote for? FFVII.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Anything in my Personal Favourites list: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3728710. (I'm still too close to Peaky Blinders to pick a fav, it'll take about five years of distance!)

#my writing

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toastytoaster22 · 4 months

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @wingsonghalo

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

47!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

753,979 holy shit

3. What fandoms do you write for?

These days just Mob Psycho 100, but I have written for Digimon Adventure and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as well.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

A little surprised by number 5 here! its such a teeny fic compared to the others.

Issho 2. Break 3. A Mother Muses 4. Socha 5. Stars on My Ceiling

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try! There was a big gap in 2022 where i had a newborn and zero time and energy, but usually I try to get a thank you out to everyone.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm the "happy ending guaranteed" author so very few of my fics end sad, but I do have a Digimon fic called Hugs Are Like Vitamins that is an exception to the rule. Very sad ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The end of Issho is probably the most satisfying ending, but I am unsure if its the happiest. Honestly, Stars on My Ceiling is cavity inducing. Effervescent is also painfully sweet. Chapter three of Into Bloom. all of these are pure fluff.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Extremely rarely. It has happened, and I don't engage. Deleted! Goodbye!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

You know, I don't consider Leaps and Bounds smut. Its a fic that has a lot of explicit sex in it, but the story is about learning to be comfortable in the bedroom. If the sex is sexy, that's a bonus hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, but I think about them sometimes...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. Here's hoping it stays that way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Two, I think! Break was translated into Russian by @teawithbread!!! Thanks so much!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I think I would be a nightmare to work with actually. I have had people ask and I politely decline.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I am not very into romance in general, so I have to say TeruMob. They're basically the only ship I care about. I enjoy the idea of TaKari in Digimon but more as soulmates... could be platonic or romantic. They are inseparable no matter what.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Never Hopeless sequel, A Dream In The Dark. UGHHHHHHHHH its only on ff.net bc i am so ashamed of dropping a project. I do still have the BINDER i wrote all my notes in though so perhaps when I am 80 I can dig it up and finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Children! Hello! I write realistic children! And connecting readers to memories they forgot they had, apparently. Its a frequent comment topic.

I'm very good at describing hard to describe emotions and I think my pacing is good. I like writing endings that punch you with a final line to tie it all together. I'm a sucker for that shit.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I slow down dialogue with a few too many movement descriptions, I think. I just really like body language aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I am too tired to really think this through. For the most part, seeing as I am writing for shows that are originally in Japanese, I try to keep food names accurate. I try to translate words unless they have no english equivalent like genkan. Foyer or entryway doesn't feel the same? I also tend to keep specific titles in japanese, seeing as they can get awkward or clunky when changed to english equivalents.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

On Ao3 it was Digimon and that's all you're getting out of me.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I love all my children equally (Issho). But no seriously Break is insanely good and when i have Nightjar finished I will feel like its my new favorite child. Usually its whatever the last thing i wrote was.

UUUUUUUUU Tagging @ygodmyy20 @sodasexual @babovens @and-devi-remains @fizzy-champagne

#toasty writes #thanks for the tag wing!#havent done one of these in a while #mp100 #toasty answers but it wasn't an ask shut up

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sugar-omi · 9 months

Note

okay, so i've been doing some thinking. i've been scrolling through your blog and i stepped upon these "cheating on cove with Baxter and the other way around" scenarios. (i'm sorry, i wasn't able to read them, my heart couldn't take it ;-;) but!

what if mc was like, in a normal relationship with Baxter. you know, a couple, maybe married later and stuff, while of course still being besties with Cove. later mc and Baxter have a kid together, maybe still a small baby but! plot twist! Baxter gets into an accident or something and dies. (i'm sorry, he's my favourite man but i had to kill him for that scenario:'))

mc is completely devastated and also a little panicked, because what about the baby? and then Cove stepps in, deciding to help his best friend take care of the little one and basically becomes its father. i recently watched a video of a dog "helping" a cat take care of her kittens, and there you have it.

this one may be boring, so feel free to ignore, but i can't stop thinking about it.

ITS OK<333 I figured some ppl didn't read it bc angst n pain</3 trust me I skip over angst all the time

(I even have the tag blocked😬 sorry angst writers but I will read it and not be the same for months, I read a kiribaku angst fic years ago, and was devesated for 4 months afterwards LMAO)

okay i... I cannot expand too much on this bc OUCH

(eta now that I've finished. who am I fooling? I rlly said that like I haven't wrote a whole novel 💀 anyway <3 this clearly made me pop off more than I thought I would bc I read this at first n was devastated!!! I had no words!!!! well clearly I found them LOL)

ALSO BORING??? ANON PLEASE.. BORING WHERE<///3

n im gonna fix the format later but for now here is the bare minimum. I'm going to bed rn so nini everyone enjoy a bit of angst I promise its fluffy as well<333

tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

p/n = parental name, since I wanted to leave flexibility for all the readers here <3

but anyway yeah cove would so step up for you

will follow you to the end of the earth and do whatever you need to help you work through this and to adapt to this sudden and unfortunate change

if/when your relationship starts becoming something romantic, cove would absolutely put the brakes on everything and you'd go so slow...

I imagine he'd probably move in with you or you with him, and he'd stay somewhere else (if you're living in his house he will leave anyway, he's a gentleman like that fr) so that way you can figure out if it's not just bc he's doing all these things n you're mistaking admiration for love

you'd spend the first year going super slow, as if you've never known each other before

which technically you haven't, since you've never dated before. but cove would go so far as to find out your favorite color, song, animal, food.. all over again, even though he has it memorized and knows your likes better than his own.

once cove is sure you're ready for this (after much talk between the two of you and even with your therapist that yes you've made enough progress and are emotionally ready for this) does he finally put a label on it

now if you get married...

I imagine cove won't propose at all

like I think you'd have to talk n almost beg him...

in that case he would do a small but grande gesture to propose. or he'd propose to you before you've even left the bed for the day... no inbetween

but like 8 times outta 10, you're gonna have to propose to him

he'd cry and hug you n say yes of course.

and unless you want to keep this outta your wedding, I think cove would include baxter in your wedding.

first, ofc you'd have the picture to honor his memory

but I think he'd even go so far as to have smth in his vows. but to start, he'd say smth like:

"I know the reason we became closer was unfortunate, but I'm so happy to be able to call you and [Child] my family. and I hope I can be a good father and husband"

and "baxter will always have a place in our hearts. even though he and I didn't get along at first (watery chuckle)... I'm glad he got to love you, and I hope he trusts me to love and cherish you the same way as well.."

also if you don't want to give up your wedding ring from baxter, I think cove would even go so far as to suggest combining it with his.

!!! omg I was gonna say your and baxter's wedding bands would be black, but I have another idea

okay now, for YOUR bands, I imagine they're either black or silver and yk those infinity(?) bands? that has the 2 types of metal or whatever

that's what cove would suggest doing. and if you are worried abt people asking why your bands are different, he'd get the same twisted band but silver with say a black diamond or smth. just smth to make it look like it's intentionally different colors but same design or smth

(im overthinking a bit but it's an idea right?! I'm not crazy??<////3)

or if you don't wanna do that, I imagine you can just slip it on a necklace or leave it as is, whatever you want. he wouldn't mind even if you kept wearing it, cove would never ask you to get rid of baxter's image or memory in any way, not unless it was a real problem and your attachment to him/his things was unhealthy anyway.

now for baxter's band... well if you didn't bury it with him, I imagine you'd give it to your child

another thing I think you could do w your wedding band as well, and give them both your bands to do whatever they want with. or if they don't want it of course you're not forcing them to keep it

even though they didn't get to know baxter, the way you and cove still cherish baxter's memory does help them feel something of a connection.

I also imagine baxter would take lots of photo n video w the kid, even though they're young n just a babe, theres so many videos of baxter looking n acting so loving w them

and even a couple where he's teary-eyed n all "imma do you right by you. I love you so much.."

of course, if the kid doesn't feel that connected to baxter since they were too young to know or rmbr anything, and they don't feel anything much other than sympathy and the occasional sting when they see how much baxter loved them, you don't force it.

you both know that baxter was basically a stranger to them and even though they still respect baxter and he has a place in their heart, they don't feel like they're lacking anything.

"I don't really know what to say.. or how to feel... I see how much [P/N] misses you sometimes, and we have pictures of you, and they talk about you and stuff...

but I don't feel like im missing a dad. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I wish I knew you too. sometimes I wish you were still here, so I got to know you as well, even though I'm still happy to have dad cove for my dad.

I just wanna know what you were like. I wanna experience what you were like. I... I wanna miss you like everyone else misses you too...

anyway, just know that dad is great! he takes care of me and [P/N] really well! he makes breakfast in bed, and he does/used to do this thing where he lifts me in the air before bed! he's so cool. I see how he makes [P/N] happy as well, so don't worry. although, [P/N] said you always thought cove was reliable and a good guy so maybe you aren't worrying anyway.

well... that's it I guess. i hope ill get to know you one day, and maybe you can tell me you're glad to see dad took good care of us. goodbye,

baxter."

pa."

cove happily listens to anything they have to say on how they feel abt baxter btw. he accepts any of their feelings, be it that they don't feel anything at all, sympathy for others, or they feel sad abt losing him.

if they do say smth like how even though it's unfortunate and they feel bad for everyone who mourns baxter (for example/especially you), they see cove as their dad and don't feel like they're missing anything and they're happy to have cove for their dad.

ofc he cries n hugs them n tells them he loves em and he's happy n he comforts them if needed of course

I also think cove is very scared abt being a father

especially in this way... even if the kiddo doesn't remember anything, or it's hazy at best, he worries about replacing baxter.

he'd probably worry abt not living up to baxter

baxter was always much more mature, at least it seemed that way most times. cove just worries about if he has the backbone and the ability to parent the child well and be someone they can look up to and/or appreciate for being a good father

cries if they call him dad btw

if they do it before you start dating, I imagine it's one of the catalyst that cause you to talk abt your feelings for each other. or if it's in the early stage..

cove prbly freezes and runs away to the other room n freaks out, definitely cries. if you don't talk to him like right after he calls his dad n cries n shares his worries n fear

either way, when you do talk he's biting his nails n trying not to pace around the room and he's like "if you wanna distance yourselves so that they don't call me dad any more I totally understand, I mean idk it's prbly weird for you-"

n he just rambles. like none of it makes sense n u have to physically shut him up. kiss him, yell, throw a pillow, hit him w the child's stuffed animal, throw a single lego brick at his back and watch him fall to the floor like he just got a nuke thrown at him

if it's later on n theres nothing to worry abt bc youve talked abt this or saw it coming or its just the otherwise most natural step, he cries of course

but he doesn't fall apart from being his in the back w a single fucking Lego as if it hurt 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I hate this man he's DRAMATIC)

well... actually no he does

hit him, kiss him, hug him, run him over w a hotel wheels truck.... he just cries harder

adopts them like immediately basically

I imagine you do it soon, like maybe before the wedding just so that way you can have a private moment (just to save him some embarrassment from ugly crying in front of your families. in fact he just might faint fr)

n you + the kiddo surprise him w adoption papers (depending on how old the babe is at this point, they have like no idea what's going on but they know that cove is now officially recognized by the whole world (even by the unicorns n wizards n warlocks) as their daddy))

imagine laying in bed w cove n the kid in between you two

and when you wake up, cove is alrdy awake and was watching you two. he was petting the kids wild hair and he had pulled the two of you in and kept you under his arm..

and the sunlight is coming in, the day is just perfect. n the look on cove's face is full of so much love but also a bit somber this time

(cove feels awkward being here like this sometimes. during times like this you have to remind him it's okay, and you pull him back in. of course he does the same for you on those days.)

"I love you two. so much..." he whispers, tears sticking to his lashes

the kid flips over, curling into cove and they stop their sleepy mumbling now that they're tucked into cove's chest, feeling warm, happy, and safe.

you whisper equally as tender. "we were meant to be like this too."

also!! smth I just thought of...

imagine the kid looks mostly/very much like baxter. they act very much like cove's kid

like you would think cove n baxter had a kid together LOL

(if the resemblance is too much, they ask if you're the step parent </3 pls Ik it may not make sm sense but I just think it'd be so fuckin funny)

#olba #our life: beginnings & always #cove holden #cove holden x reader #baxter ward #baxter ward x reader #angst #baxter ward angst #cove holden angst #angst with a happy ending

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not-poignant · 5 months

Note

Stain is such a great story, Alex and Sebastian have made so much progress understanding each other, and I'm excited for their relationship to continue to develop (not just physically... but okay really excited for that too!!)

Wondering what gave you the inspiration and what you like most about the Alex/Sebastian pairing, or any other thoughts about Stardew Valley as a fandom you want to share!

Honestly the thing that inspired me the most was just playing the game! :D

I have nearly 1800 hours in Stardew Valley, and that's like...what I would call a few hours to just daydream about all the characters. And me being the multi-shipping fiend that I am, I do also just like to imagine all the characters in relationships with each other.

I'm not someone who really cares about my farmer (or PC) in the central romance, which is why I don't write this in video games that have you as a player character! I didn't do that for Stuck on the Puzzle, or The Wind that Cuts the Night, or Palmarosa. I don't actually care as much about whoever I'm romancing, I care more about what relationships can happen between other characters.

And I think because I daydream about that, rather than my farmer character (or me) with the NPCs, that gives me like a lot of time to think of different things.

I started daydreaming about Sebastian as a top several years ago, he had that energy to me even like 2 years before I romanced him (the amount of times I've romanced Alex is criminal at this point). I sometimes imagined him with like Sam, but mostly Alex. I also imagined him being good goth literature friends with Elliott lol

Even in The Wind that Cuts the Night I have Sebastian as a top with the farmer :D

I don't actually get that involved with the fandom in general. I've tried a few times, and some of the fanart is incredible (and the MODS omg), but I've never really loved any of the SDV fic that I've read (or more accurately: skimmed). I don't like farmer/NPC pairings. The vast majority of people wrote Sebastian as a bottom (or a fluffy vanilla top which is somehow worse) in m/m like 4-5 years ago and I'm too tired to check how much that's changed.

Alex actually gets a lot of hate in the fandom - at least amongst most of the queer players - and seeing a character who is a victim of child abuse treated like that just kind of left me with a bad taste in my mouth (it seemed to be based around Alex's initial rudeness, which doesn't last nearly as long as Shane's, who was hero-worshipped long before he got his whole storyline, because he wasn't romanceable for years).

So I really avoid the fandom, and I couldn't tell you who's writing the most popular fics or the most popular pairings or anything like that. I don't look into the tags, and almost all the fanart I've ever shared here or at @capillata has been shared to me by someone else first.

So yeah the answer is mostly just that I daydream a lot and I've had many many hours to do it in! :D

I like Alex/Sebastian as a pairing mostly because I've always just liked troped opposites in enemies to lovers. The jock vs. the goth nerd has been a long-term media troped opposition romance pairing, and even outside of romances, is often shown as 'oppositional.' Many people even have memories of that in their school experience.

To me, the idea that Alex is always shown as completely alone (sans Haley or grandparents), and that Sebastian is nearly always shown with friends when he's not being like... deeply moody in a goth way, was really fascinating to me. ConcernedApe was already working hard to say 'this isn't what you think it is' even within the game. Alex is the one who apologises to you for being so desperate and also unrealistic about his sporting/goth abilities. Sebastian is the one who already has a job and is incredibly social - he's in a band that regularly practices and even performs outside of his hometown, he regularly plays TTRPGs with friends, and he regularly goes to the bar and plays pool and hangs out with friends. He's not a 'loner nerd.' He is hands down the most popular and social person in Stardew Valley who you can romance, outside of Sam, who is the same amount of popular. Like, Sebastian is literally a socialite social butterfly who is successful and charismatic and rides a motorbike. Subversion pretty fucking successful on that trope :D

To me, the game gives us the set up to a bullies-to-lovers scenario just by giving us the trope, and then subverting the trope. I always kind of liked that, but could never imagine writing it, until I aged them up and had Sebastian and Alex both mentally kind of growing up a little.

All right that's enough rambling from me! It's time to make lunch. But yeah, that's basically sadlfkjas er the sum of it (I say after rambling for ages)

#asks and answers #personal #a stain that won't dissolve #thespectaclesofthor #the long and short of it is really 'the game and daydreaming about the game'#that's usually where most of my game-inspired fics come from dsalfkjasd #i am very pedestrian that way

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shivunin · 14 days

Text

Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @greypetrel - thank you so much! 💗

I know this has made the rounds already. If I tag you and you've already done it, please feel free to tag me in the replies or disregard!

Tagging: @nightwardenminthara @vakarians-babe @transprincecaspian @star--nymph @blightbear @inquisimer @dreadfutures @scribbledquillz

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

688,185

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Published? Just Dragon Age. But I have some unfinished/unpublished Mass Effect and Baldur's Gate stuff as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All of these are Cullavellan fic:

Your Fate for Mine (129,681 Words | E)

More Than Memory (5,214 Words | E)

Search Your Hands (13,581 Words | E)

Unyielding (3,083 Words | M)

The Epaulet Mate (7,303 Words | E)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, though more slowly than I used to!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh. Probably The Scourge of Sundermount, though it wound up less angsty than the original ending (in which Cullen and Lavellan are turned to stone forever)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so this is much harder to answer! I am avoiding answering this with the obvious innuendo haha. Maybe In Any Life? I feel like the vibe of that last chapter is so very soft, with a spring breeze blowing through the window in the house Fenris and Maria made together c:

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten some snarky comments, but never outright hate (thankfully!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes--not sure what is meant by "kind." M/F and F/F--soft and gentle, hard and fast, mildly kinky, plot-relevant and pwp, etc. A variety of smut, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really. Crossovers aren't really my jam, but if I wrote one it would probably be Inquisition characters in Mass Effect (like a genre switch thing, not picked up and dropped into our solar system).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

When I was like 13 on FF.net, yes. It's why I stopped writing fic until I was 28.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Only in a sense! I have a few pieces sharing an OC with a friend that were largely rp first before I set them down as a narrative c:

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

God. Don't ask me this haha. My first DA ship was Fenris/Hawke and it still lives so closed to my heart, but Cullen/Lavellan got me into the fandom and Zevran/Tabris brought me someone very dear to me. I don't think I could ever judge any of them by the merits of the ship alone at this point!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmmm more than I'd like to admit :/ Probably The Red Crossing Arrangement, which is an arranged marriage/Halamshiral still belongs to the elves AU. It took so much more world building that my ability to write it slowly petered out. The odds are high that it will remain at roughly 80k for the foreseeable future (unless I suddenly want to get back to working out trade routes and governance and commerce, which is what did me in; I'm good at world-building culture on account of the degree and all, but the semantics of daily life don't really interest me as much) (tragically, this means the Adalene and Elandrin fix-it portions of this story may never be published :C and this does honestly make me so sad :C)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Voice and characterization/internal dialogue. I've been told that the canon characters I write feel very similar to canon and that's something I'm really proud of c:

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Physical space. I forget to define the setting very, very frequently. It's the next thing I want to focus on in my writing, actually, when I get back into it!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Eh. I think it can add flavor, especially in fantasy settings where the cultures and worlds are built dissimilarly to the real world. I don't think there's anything especially fun about not being able to discern what's happening in conversation---I think it's most effective when it's a handful of phrases that repeat (hello, I'm sorry, I love you, etc.) or when followed by a translation of some sort. As a lover of Latin, I especially find google translations very unreliable and often incorrect. Better to just italicize it and indicate it's another language, imo.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Code Lyoko

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oof. It depends on when you ask me this haha. For the moment, I think I'm loving As Two Reflected Stars a little extra right now c: I just love wound-tending and idiots in love and this is definitely both!

Blank version below!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

#tag game #shivunin scrivening #when i tell you how much i wish i could finish that fic :c

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faeriekit · 6 months

Text

Questions for Fic Writers ✏📝💻

@chromatographic tagged me! ...And then I was at work and forgot about it by the time I got to my laptop! Sorry 😅

How many works do you have on Ao3?

My works tab claims the number to be twenty two, but at least one is a screen-reader-friendly duplicate of a Percy Jackson themed Reskin of Kids on Brooms, so it's more like...twenty one. I'd also take off of Blister Pack one-shots because they're tiny but they are one shots and those are technically valid, so...

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

355,110. Thank you, Blister Pack and Trade of Trickery!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Naruto.

...So I what I usually write and what I actually publish to ao3 are pretty different 😅 I've been doing a bunch of dp x dc fics as of late, and one dc x marvel fic, but if left to my own devices, I go back to Star Wars and Naruto and a lot of Naruto, and I have a surprising word count on a Supernatural fic which is odd considering I've never actually finished an episode of the show before.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

No idea! Lemme look:

#5: Dig Three Graves in Apartment 31C. A spooky and classic contender!

#4: The Firstborn Son. My excuse for writing a almost-canon dp x dc fairy story!

#3: The Haunting of Drake Manor. Nice 😎 You may have noticed, but I'm a sucker for baby fic.

#2: You know 'em, you love 'em, it's The Health and Wellbeing of Hybrid Entities! Who doesn't love a dissection recovery fic?

#1: Which leaves, of course, Blister Pack to reign supreme o'er the ao3 account. Who's shocked? Not me.

5. Do you respond to comments?

...there's 1,900 in my inbox right at this moment.

I want to. I love responding to comments. but it's just not feasible in the way I want it to be, and that blows.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Patchwork Memories! I don't think this counts because it was just a snippet, but, you know. Angst for the sake of angst n' all that.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Blister Pack!! Find joy in packing up and getting the fuck out of there! Who needs 'em?? Hit the bricks!!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've received stuff I honestly consider worse than hate, which is people who believe that I should think exactly what they think and write the fic as they believe canon should be interpreted, but here is the funniest exchange I've ever had on any fic ever:

9. Do you write smut fic? If so, what kind?

Once. I will occasionally write stuff for myself, but the reviews on the one posted smut chapter were generally that it was very, very funny. This does not give me much feedback to work off of lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The answer to both questions are dp x dc and also dp x dc. And that's generally tame as far as crossovers go.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 👀

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of! 👀 But I'd be way more amenable to that than thievery lmao.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I would never bog someone down with my symptoms disorder. I don't trust me enough to be helpful in any creative endeavor ever

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't believe in genuine OTPs, but whatever Desiree!Janet and Bruce have going on in Drake Manor is hysterical to me. I hope they get divorced and then break up and then get back together and then break up again.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I want to finish Trade of Trickery. I think it will take time. But I am determined to do it. We're halfway through the Sea of Monsters and I am delusional enough to think I can make it if I just power through in some distant future

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am the recipient of divine visions which keep me going. The hard part is staying consistent when I lose steam.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am the recipient of divine visions which keep me going. The hard part is staying consistent when I lose steam.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Google translate is my friend, and I don't necessarily believe in providing translations. There's no irl subtitles. If the characters are meant to understand, I'll leave stuff around to make the context and content clear, but like, no creo que es necesario en todos situaciónes.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

...Naruto...maybe...? No I'm wrong. It was Fairy Cube. My first divine visions/early fic thoughts were from Tamora Pierce's Song of the Lioness series and my first fandom I actually wrote/published fic for was Fairy Cube. Don't ask what account it was on. I borrowed my friend's ffn account. I don't remember the username anymore.

20. Favorite Fic you’ve written?

....hoo boy. Tie for Quiet Respite and Trade of Trickery. I love Comets and Drake Manor has a special place in my heart, but QR feels uniquely mine in ways that my dp x dc fics sometimes don't, and Trickery really is a love story about Sally Jackson and forgotten Demigod kids. Nothing else hits. Nothing else is the same. It's about collecting what you can in your hands and taking it with you.

@newgraywolf @cyrwrites @mysterycyclone @songue85 Anyone else want to play?

Thanks for asking, Chroma! It only took...what, a week, two weeks, to finally get to it?

#ask games #faer nonsense #ao3 #dp x dc #dcu crossover #pjo fanfic

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inkedroplets · 19 days

Text

fanfic writer questions

Thanks so much for the tag @sideguitars

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

Twenty. A good mix of one-shots and longer fics that I will finish someday...

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

534,441

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supergirl but I've dabbled with Legends of Tomorrow and have a few unpublished fics for different fandoms that I might share

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Rich Girl With Issues (I swear I'm almost done with the last chapter. The flu kicked my ass but I'm finishing up. My weird Lena becomes a vigilante fic. I still am amazed that people like it as much as they do)

Maybe I'm Too Afraid to Admit It (Kind of cute Kara realizes she has feelings for Lena. I really don't know why this one resonated with so many people)

Somewhere You Can't Follow (My weird (and poorly written) Legends and Supergirl crossover. I would love to go back and actually rewrite large bits of this but the dialogue is on point, at least. Oh and Lena gets to see her mom again so that's a plus)

Denial is Not Just a River in Egypt (I have no memory of this place fic)

Nothing Gold Can Stay (My one and only kidfic but I love it to pieces)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do and I don't. I'm a lot more offline than I was when I first started writing and if too much time passes, I feel weird about responding since I feel like I'm bothering people but I am trying to be better about it. Because I really do cherish each one

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably nothing I've posted yet would count but I do have one that I plan to post soon-ish that's so angsty I took a year to decide whether or not to share it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all of my one-shots have pretty standard happy endings. I think I'll say that either Rich Girl or Nothing Gold Can Stay will have the happiest endings (in my opinion) Wait (a little longer) and see

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'll get the occasional weird comment. Nothing out of the ordinary. I did get a really rude bookmark once that kind of made me laugh. They hated the story yet still chose to bookmark it which is a choice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I dabble in it. There's a snippet floating around somewhere on tumblr that I'm too lazy to find. I'll share it once I finish the first chapter. It's a bit out of my wheelhouse but its fun? Very different kind of writing than what I'm used to.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I write a lot of crossovers. I think when I write fic, I want to see something a little strange and unique that I can't find elsewhere. I'm working on a fic now where Kara meets Matt Murdock, that's not an interaction I ever envisioned myself writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? To be fair, I haven't ever cared enough to check. I don't think I'm popular enough to get a fic stolen xD

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Someone translated one of my fics into Russian. I was incredibly flattered that they liked it enough to do so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I think it's mostly because I'm quite a selfish writer? I know what and how I want to write so collaboration is quite difficult. Maybe I still have some leftover trauma from all the group projects of my past.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Supercorp, if that wasn't very, very obvious.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'll finish them all!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I really don't know and that's not just me being modest. I don't really think I do anything particularly well?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Being succinct. Every ficlet wants to be a multi-chaptered story and every multi-chaptered story wants to be a novel

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think if implemented well it can be a great addition. If it's merely tacked on, however... I feel it not only doesn't add anything to the story but it makes the reader aware that they're reading a story. A bit of the magic is lost in the clunky execution.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

On AO3 Supercorp but I've dabbled in fandom for years and years. There's ancient Xena fic somewhere in my mother's basement

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Probably has to be Rich Girl but I really am fond of Swear Not by the Moon, as well. I've really enjoyed expanding the scope of Supergirl's world a bit and watching the characters slowly grow over the course of the story

No-pressure tags, of course: I never know who to tag in these until I finish these but if you like @rustingcat @vox-ex @sazernac

#ask game #this was a long one

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sssammich · 20 days

Text

fanfic writer questions

Thanks for the tag, @foibles-fables

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

i'm at 122 right now (wahoo!)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

794,634 (i am on a mission to 1 million in the next couple of years)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

well i've been around many a fandom block, but i'd say for current brainrot:

supergirl (mostly supercorp, but i have a smattering of rare pairs because women, amirite?)

swan queen

bumbleby (i also still have so many rosebird dreams i'll get there someday)

makayuro (with a smattering of rare pairs also because women, amirite?)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

well unsurprisingly, ever since plopping down on supercorp fandom, the numbers have been from there. but shoutout to my victorious fic from 2012 holding strong lol

evergreen, closest i get, not for nothing, you've got mail, and one way or another

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes yes absolutely!! sometimes i am late and sometimes i just leave it in there so i can have it stay unread but anyway i try to respond and i appreciate everyone who sends them to me. i have historically been a oneshot writer so it's been nice also to get comments on wips!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh shoot angstiest ending?? well i think i would say my supercorptober ficlet about memory loss of sorts might tick that (it ends kinda idk open but not bad, i will say)

but then there's also this one old soccer RPF i wrote that's more, idk, poetry than any real fic about one of them leaving lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the happiest ending? i mean all of them, i reckon. if they end up together or have a promise of together then they count lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

uhhh none that i've seen? i mean if it's in the comments, no? but if it's elsewhere, then also no? i have been fortunate in that way

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

OMG YES I AM FINALLY IN MY SMUT ERA

uh i reckon comedy smut for now (read DickFic here) but the day is young and my doc is empty so who's to say

but i have dreams for some sad smut because i'd like to develop the range LMAO

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

surprisingly, i do not. what i instead do is just little spin through five fandoms at any given time and just confuse myself that way

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

unfortunately yes. twice now. once was for my victorious fic that was used for a 5th harmony RPF lmaooo

and then on thanksgiving weekend, the first chapter of Crepe AU was posted by an anonymous for a The Wilds ship (but my friends rallied to get it taken down so i didn't have to send a takedown form to ao3 while i was traveling home)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope but that would be totally rad

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i love fic writing group work so yes! i have a series of sad angsty women that i have with my best friend in my revue starlight fandom, and then, of course, @sideguitars and i have 'humans in the storeroom' (that reminds me it's my turn to write the next part smh)

i also like jumping into writing sprints or writing exercises with folks (like a round robin)

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

let's not do this, i shan't pick amongst my children

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

so far all my wips are things i wanna finish and will do my best to finish. i have a couple of retired wips that will just sit in my ao3 forever and i have made peace with them, though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i wanna say characterization, pacing, emotional resonance, and a simple and natural writing style maybe

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action?? plot??? proper AUs lmao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i do not because i find i butcher it and also then i cringe lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh written for but never posted? hermione/ginny

posted for? god probably All My Children (bianca and maggie) when i was like a teenager hahahahaha

20. Favorite fic you've written?

sorry no can do i love them all because i wrote them and there are so many things i enjoy about them. but i will say that the writing events circuit i've done this past year (supercorp bigbang, bumbleby big bang, and swan queen winter solstice) are born out of a lot of labor of love and i'm really proud of the work i've done for them.

and not for a writing event, but i am also extremely proud of re:live for mayakuro fandom-- that one makes me think that if i never wrote for that fandom again, that that's a really good fic to end on)

No-pressure tags, of course: @sideguitars, @eqt-95, @fazedlight, @luthordamnvers, @vox-ex, and @waytooinvested

(yall have probably done this before but here it just in case!)

#fic writing meme #sam lore

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daisybell17 · 6 months

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Fourth if July — Loki [song fic] {PART 3}

(warning: death‼️)

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head Was it all a disguise, like Junior High

Years had gone by since your passing and while Loki wasn’t the same God he once was, he’s living out the simple life. He no longer visited your grave as frequently as he did, which he had forced himself to do, he knew that if he kept wallowing at your grave every other day, it would drain him of life too, which he knows you wouldn’t have wanted.

So as life went on he packed up the house you both built your life on and sold it off, it felt wrong for Loki to live in the walls and room you no longer filled with life, and every corner of that lovely place only brought a sharp pain to his heart, knowing that those moments of love are now but memories in his heart.

Moving into a new cottage just outside Asgard, Loki had built himself his own little life. He had an alter dedicated to you and planted flowers that would blossom in a beautiful garden, all for you.

Besides his princely duties, he started taking care of stray animals. He used to watch you take in all sorts of creatures and it only felt right by him to do as such. Now he truly understood the “why’s” of you and it only made him fall deeper.

Despite all this, he always found himself seeing you in everything he did, almost like you were disguised within the walls, just a moments glance from Loki’s perception. It reminded Loki about how you both were in your early 20s, playing all sorts of silly games and pranking each other every second you got…Oh how he wishes you were here, but alas, you haunted the mind of the mischievous God, disguised to seem real in walls you never entered.

This realisation made Loki breakdown on a random Wednesday morning.

Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction

There was one day Loki had come to visit your grave with a scrapbook in hand. He sat in front of the moss covered stone and held the scrapbook up “I made this for you…it’s been 8 years since you left me my darling…I brought a gift for you”

He opened the scrapbook and faced the pages to your stone “I gathered everything I have learned in the 8 years since your passing…It’s been a long time my Love.” He opens a folded letter, revealing a long paper filled with inked remarks “This was the letter I wrote on the one year anniversary of your passing…”I wish you were here, I wish I was with you. There have been nights where I created false realities in my head, just so I can pretend to have you alive and with me again…I slowly realised that I could dwell in this fictional fantasy forever…or I could change my life, do something right by you…and I’m trying…I really am…I just wish you were here to see that your light shines brighter, even when you’re not with me…I miss you each day my Love, and I will miss you forever…but I must leave fiction and build another future…Please forgive me for moving on so quick, but I know you never wanted me to be dwelling in pain for so long…Missing you does not pain me, it allows me to always be reminded of the person who changed my life, who changed their own life, and everything we built - L.L” It was quite a letter hm?” He looks up at your grave, allowing for silence to fill in as he imagines your response.

He continued to flip each page, reading another letter or showing an old picture or miniature gift you had made, the scrapbook is beautiful, Loki knew that if you could hold it, you would read and admire each page for hours.

——————————————————————————

(a/n): hello! i wanted to get a part 3 out so here you go!! will definitely follow up with a part 4 and lokius HAPPY headcanons! hope you enjoy thus short update!

——————————————————————————

TAGS: @ladychota @scoliobean

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waitmyturtles · 7 months

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Absolute Zero, episode 1 RANDOM THOUGHTS (more like FEELS and SQUEALS and HAPPY PIPS, here we go):

1) New Siwaj's latest prestige BL. Man, we've had some dips from him lately. I FAST-fast-forwarded through Between Us to get to the DeanPharm bits, and listen, I shoulda just listened to my friends (insert the Bugs Bunny "NO" gif here). And I have a pathetic love for Double Savage, a show that New Siwaj screenwrote and that aired earlier this year, for its POTENTIAL to tell an intergenerational familial trauma story headed by OhmPerth, but lord, it was a mess. At the same time, I have been impaled with a thirsty obsession over my watch and rewatch of New's Until We Meet Again, so with New going high for this latest show -- I have BIG expectations.

2) @bengiyo and @twig-tea (here and here) covered a TON of what I am thinking (and apologies to friends if you wrote AZ things yesterday and I missed them -- like @bengiyo, I would love to be tagged in your meta to track thoughts on this show!) (I think @troubled-mind is getting into this one, maybe we already have a little AZ squad going!). Further apologies and big ups to Ben and Twig if I repeat anything you say! Which I will, right now, repeating Ben's words:

3) FUCK if I didn't feel some nostalgia hearing Boy Sompob's voice again. I really do feel like this means that New is THROWING. DOWN. The music in this show is already fantastic. The music was SO IMPORTANT to the storytelling in UWMA, and I'm glad we're leading with it again here.

4) I am VERY PLEASED to see Mix Wanut (young Suansoon) holding down as a lead. We didn't see him too much as Don in UWMA, but: I thought his timing and comedy was particularly notable in UWMA (when Don was able to lighten up a bit near Dean, I thought it was really great).

5) Speaking of the actors. I'd like everyone to know (poor @neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan have already heard me yelp on this). Teng Kanist, who plays the older Suansoon. He was fabulous as Nat in Gay OK Bangkok. Nat was a contradictory character, but let me be honest -- I felt a little symp for Nat because I like Teng's face. I admit it, I'm weak and transparent for dudes.

BUT: we all need to know that Teng Kanist IS ALSO A REAL-LIFE PASTRY CHEF who also GOES TO THE GYM. Therefore, we have a perfect man (for me lol) in our midst. Just need everyone to know! Croissants and abs and sets. SOLD!

6) Ahem, where was I. As an #old, seeing middle-aged dudes in a drama is what I need. I like that Absolute Zero is going to do this for us: to juxtapose the expected BL school scenes with two real adults in real adult settings. I love this. And I love that I know we are going to get more elders next week in What Did You Eat Yesterday?, and elder-ishes very soon in Cherry Magic Thailand and Cooking Crush. We need to age-diversify this field, and New is leading this season.

7) I love how fast we needed to get to young Suansoon and young Ongsa getting together. From the MDL description of the show, it looks like Absolute Zero may have a similar structure to UWMA. UWMA was like a three-part series: the first part being Dean and Pharm getting together; the second being their discovering their spiritual pasts through their shared inherited memories and meeting their families; and the third being the conclusion with their resolving Korn and Intouch's forced separation at death.

If Absolute Zero follows a similar structure in a shorter episode span (right now, MDL shows AZ having 12 episodes, as compared to UWMA's 17 episodes), then I understand AZ needing to be a bit chop-chop about the romance. But I felt that this episode was still perfectly paced, and yes -- dropping the faen in the first episode could seem a touch fast, but I felt that we had convincingly spent intentional time with Suansoon's loneliness to understand why he would have said yes to Ongsa. (And, anyway -- of course, we needed to know that they got together, because we time-jumped to their loving adult relationship.)

And I loved young Ongsa's approach. A guy looking and chasing after his crush. The romance of buying tickets to a movie, hoping the guy he likes will show up. Giving Suansoon a birthday bracelet at the movie. Holding Suansoon's hand and asking him the big question.

Man.... ahhhh. What I loved about that bracelet scene is that -- the gift of that bracelet did a lot of the communicating from Ongsa to Suansoon without words. Suansoon was clearly touched and moved. The loss of his parents shakes him, but he clearly got a lovely moment of connection from that gift. Mix acted that part beautifully.

8) The Love of Siam. What can I fucking say. I haven't seen My Only 12%, where I know New makes another significant reference to LoS there. But, just. I'm very glad @bengiyo insisted on LoS being the start of the Old GMMTV Challenge, in part because of the references to LoS in other Thai BLs over the course of the genre's short history, but also -- the tragedy of that movie communicates SO MUCH when it is present as a reference in another piece. Just like the bracelet communicates so much by way of love. I love that we got to see the pre-ending credits quote. I love that New's communicating to us through this brilliant movie.

I am sure I can find more to gush on, but let me stop here, because this got longer than I expected. I can't manage a full load of dramas, so I'll likely be dropping my thirst-watch of Dangerous Romance to accommodate AZ and WDYEY. Just like I am praying for Tee Bundit to not drop the ball on I Feel You Linger in the Air -- let us hope New can also keep the juggle up on AZ. He started this out STRONG. I HAVE HIGH HOPES.

#absolute zero #absolute zero the series #new siwaj #tor supakorn #mix wanut #teng kanist #toey puwanat #suansoon x ongsa #ongsa x suansoon #that'll probably get shortened to soon right #we will see #absolute zero meta

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