#i wish i had a therapist so i could talk about all this as i’m working through the beginning of transition but. oh well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilovetoxicfictionalmen · 13 days

Text

I’M HERE TO HELP

Pairing - Jonathan Crane x fem!reader

Summary - Your emotional instabilities and impulsive behaviours slowly kills all of your relationships. So you check yourself in for therapy with a doctor who uses unorthodox methods to fix you.

Warnings - BPD, mental illnesses, emotional and physical insecurities, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, dubcon, dark, angst, p in v, oral both receiving, m! masterbation, daddy issues, toxic relationships, illegal methods, toxic reader.

Word count - A WHOPPING 8.9K

Notes - Heavily inspired by my own personal struggles with BPD. Very long, completely packed with angst and dark themes. A slight AU were Jonathan is your average therapist and not at Arkham. I don't really write longer pics so I'd really appreciative your thoughts. No fear toxin was used in the making.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

There were no medications to cure you of this mental illness. The only treatments were exercises, meditation and talk therapy.

Everyday, you experienced a series of insecurities, issues and habits that all stemmed from your childhood. A traumatic relationship with your father had left you to grow up to be yanked between emotionally codependent and unavailable. Your life was full of mood swings and feeling disconnected from who you were. All of your relationships were either short term or on and off. One minute you’d love them and the next you’d despise them. You had no control on how you felt about others. Their images were constantly changing like a series of short ads on the television.

Everyone was black or white, they were either good or bad for your existence. It left your social interactions to be quite unstable and chaotic. Because you liked to push people away frequently to see how badly they cared for you. It was based on your skepticality and distrust in their words. But could you blame them for leaving with how often you’d self-sabotage your happiness?

This whirlpool of intense emotions, thoughts and behaviors left you lost in your own mind. One day, you wished you never woke up and the next you'd be high on life. There was no stability in your life, you lived on impulses which you would quickly regret and those actions would replay in your mind for hours.

You liked to binge drink, take drugs and partake in reckless sex. The thrill of living on the edge was the only feeling you wanted to feel for years. But when you accidentally formed a relationship with a mutual friend named Peter, you got too attached. It freaked you out and well, you acted impulsively and cheated on him. It painted your bad persona clearly to your friends. You were in desperate need of help.

Your therapist, Doctor Jonathan Crane, was here to help.

Sensitive, timid, hesitant. Those were your clear characteristics Doctor Crane saw within the first few minutes of meeting you, he jotted them in his notepad as soon as he could. Your initial shyness was cute, you were cute. Even underneath the oversized hoodie you chose to wear that day, which you immediately regretted when you saw him.

Doctor Crane preferred the mind over the body. Human’s physicality has barriers. Its capability could only be reached so far. However, the mind could be explored to great depths. Every dot of matter in the brain could create a chain reaction in your physical actions. The mind truly ruled over the body.

Your story was interesting to him, fascinating even. It was gripping for Doctor Crane to find out what made you who you were. How much of an impact your childhood had altered you, broken you. A tiny part of him felt sympathy for you and a large part felt empathy. You were a pretty face begging to be discovered, to be fixed. But he wasn’t even sure yet if he wanted to fix you, he liked the way you were torn.

He wrote your list of fears on a separate page.

Abandonment

Commitment

Vulnerability

Judgment

Rejection

Emotional Intimacy

You were no virgin, but emotional intimacy frightened you immensely. The idea of another knowing you completely felt too overwhelming. You had many promising suitors, but your standards seemed to be as high as a tower. So you’d partake in casual sex and sabotage any chance you had at finding true love. Contradictory, it left you feeling empty and alone. But the thought of being held by another, letting your emotions take toll over your body made you feel sick in your stomach.

The emptiness inside of you begged you to do something, so you bit the bullet and decided to get help. Here you were now, sitting across from your therapist, awkwardly looking at the ground as his eyes lingered over your body.

Today, you wore a plaid beige skirt that rested just above the knee, which didn’t fail to perfectly hug your soft thighs. The black blouse you wore was perfectly in between modest and sexy. Not to mention your polished mary jane shoes accompanied with the white socks made you look like a fucking naughty school girl begging to be bent over.

At least, these were all a part of Doctor Crane’s observations.

Today’s session was different however, he picked up on your behavior immediately when you kept your head low as he warmly welcomed you inside. Your honeyed voice lacked desire, you looked exhausted, broken perhaps?

“How are you feeling today? You look quite… Taciturn…” Doctor Crane pointed out as he looked your appearance up and down. He leant back in his seat and straightened his shirt. His slender index finger pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

A weak smile spread across your lips momentarily, he wanted to know how you were. No, stop thinking that way… Your mood was like a sheet strung up to a clothesline in the wind. Constantly switching up on you, blinding you on what was right and wrong.

You had been seeing Doctor Crane for months now. A friend of a friend recommended him and his bio did not fail to describe his level of expertise. In fact you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to get a slot in with him. The therapy started off well, great even. It was worth the pot of anxiety that stewed in your stomach before you built up the courage to get out of your car.

However, he was wickedly gorgeous. It was like he was made with poison and the more you admired his charm the more it destroyed you emotionally and mentally. Doctors were only meant to be attractive in soap operas or pornos. Real therapists were supposed to be old and borderline creepy. However, Doctor Crane almost looked too young to have his doctorate and a record of accolades that hung from his wall. His beauty was immensely intimidating, his high levels of confidence was a reflection of how little you had in yourself.

Your psychiatrist certainly had a way with words. It was almost as if he knew you better than you did. The zone was free from any spec of judgment and you fell completely open to him over a short few sessions. Before every session, you found yourself pairing the best outfit you could to try to catch his attention. Apply your makeup as seductively yet modestly as you could. You trusted him completely without realizing. That’s when he knew the real treatment could begin.

The exercises came into play by your sixth session together. That session, your therapist presented a new floor length mirror he had brought. It was odd, but you admired the piece nevertheless. When your session was half way through, he instructed you to stand.

“Now, I believe you’re ready for some physical exercises” he smiled innocently to you.

It was simple, stand in the mirror and look at yourself. At first, it was funny, but quickly the discomfort grew as the silence sank in the room. Then you were staring at yourself with pure disgust. Your arms gradually wrapped around your waist as you blinked more frequently, your body swayed gently.

“What do you see?” He asked eventually, still sitting on his seat, notepad and pen in hand.

“Myself” you mumbled as you tugged your skirt down as much as you could.

“Could you be a bit more descriptive?” He cocked an eyebrow towards you, a drip of humor on his tongue.

Shortly after, you came clean on what was on your mind. “I look filthy. It’s disgusting” you admitted shamefully, looking down to the floor.

“And why do you feel disgusted?” your therapist inquired as he wrote down his observations.

“Because, look at me… I’m hideous” you answered, your cheeks feeling flustered.

You weren’t asking for compliments, your honesty was raw emotions. Sometimes you’d look at yourself and see a complete stranger and you’d wonder how people could ever talk to you, let alone want you. You blinked back your tears and stood on wobbly feet. His words were falling deaf on your ears again, you were too focused on your thoughts. He sighed and placed his notepad down on the table.

“Look at how insecure you still are…” Doctor Crane cooed in a slightly demeaning way as he stood up from his seat and gradually stood behind you.

There was silence for a long time. The both of you looked at each other through the mirror, almost as if you were both daring each other to make the next move.

“Do you see someone lovable?” He asked, his face slowly inching closer to your ear.

“No” you replied, emotionless.

“Why not?” He furrowed his eyebrows, his body almost pressing up against yours.

“Because I don’t deserve it” you answered.

You felt dull again, the emptiness had ripped a hole in your body yet again. Doctor Crane analyzed your stern, lifeless expression. It could happen so easily, your switch up. It was enthralling with how many triggers you had, you were a tennis ball being whacked from one emotion to the other.

“You’re too harsh on yourself… Far too harsh” your therapist tutted his light scold at you. One of his hands rests on your shoulder to comfort you.

“What do you see?” You asked him, raising your chin up in an act of hope.

“Don’t look away from the mirror” was his answer in an emotionless yet stern tone.

A swift look of confusion planted on your expression. But regardless you obeyed his simple order and remained silent as you stared at him through the mirror.

His hand slipped from your shoulder to across your chest in an anticipating speed, his pressed fingers spread apart at the same pace. Even though his hand was running across your upper torso, your heart was thudding in your chest so powerfully that he could feel it pump that far away. His hand stopped on your opposing shoulder and gently tugged you back to his chest.

“What are you doing?” You croaked out, your throat dry and tight as you looked at the two of you. It was almost as if you were in a headlock, but it was gentle.

“An exercise. I’m helping you get comfortable with yourself” he answered confidently, his cold face pressed against your heated one.

Your body was as stiff as a board. He sighed to himself when his free hand ran down your body.

“Relax… For once, let go of the thoughts and focus on your physicality” he ordered softly, almost sounding like a beg instead. His tone was soothing, almost hypnotic.

So your mind obeyed him immediately. You body fell back into his like your bones had snapped into jelly, he was practically a crutch at this point, you’d fall to the ground if he let go of you. His hands gently caressed your hip, it felt soothing, comforting, secure.

“Wanna know what I see?” He murmured.

You murmured back and nodded your head. There was this mixture of fear and thrill painted across your expression. Both of you could see how badly you wanted to know, but how frightening the process was. Yet it was clear with how much it aroused you by how your cheeks darkened.

“I see a pretty girl, who needs to be looked after. Taken care of. Someone who only wants to be held by another” he answered honestly.

Your eyes swelled up with tears at his simplicity. When your breathing got rougher as the thoughts swarmed in your mind like a thunderstorm he whispered soothing tones by your ear. Both of you were still staring into the mirror.

“Look at how smooth your skin is. Your face is faultless. And these curves… They are so sexy, is that an improper word to use?” Jonathan grinned at you, a slight chuckle at his deviant comment, both hands now planted on your hips.

His crotch was pressed against your rear, but he wasn’t erect. Honestly, you weren’t sure if it was reassuring or if it made you more insecure. His lips rested against your ear as you steadied your breathing.

“Why are you saying this?” You gasped lightly.

“I told you, it’s an exercise” he answered with a shrug of the shoulders.

That was the day you learnt that Doctor Jonathan Crane was far from your traditional psychiatrist. He tested the modern norms and values of therapy. He used distinctive methods to assist with your progression. Methods that were best kept behind closed doors for both of your reputations. At first you were reluctant to a lot of them, stiff in the bones at the ideas of it. But he persuaded you otherwise, all you had to do was trust him, because it was for your benefit.

So, you turned your head to the uneasiness of his treatment and trusted him. At the end of every session, you’d end up in a physical or emotional exercise. Some exercises were far more concerning than others.

Which now, had led you to be so whipped by him, so mesmerized by. A common thread in people with BPD was for them to have a person that they depend on emotionally, for comfort and validation. They called it a favorite person.

You grew very attached to your psychiatrist who eagerly wanted to help you and you rued at it every night. It wasn’t the type of love you craved it to be, it was obsessive. The both of you knew it. You’d think about him constantly, smile as you recall your past encounters together. Then you’d find yourself crying over the fact that you could never have him. You didn’t love him, you loved the person your mind had created him to be, yet you did love him. Your mind felt like a thunderstorm of confusion with him. No matter how badly you wanted to, you couldn’t let go of him.

You liked the routine you had with him. The security you felt when his arms were around your body eased all of your anxieties. Even though it was always only momentarily. You knew what he asked of you wasn’t right, especially when you’d count the times that he had purposely made you cry, but you did it anyway. Because he wanted you, even though it was only for the moment.

Doctor Crane clicked his fingers to snap you back to reality. You blinked heavily and looked up to him. It was intimidating with how stern his expression was right now. You already knew that he was trying to piece you together like a puzzle.

“Yeah, I’m alright” you replied to your psychiatrist. Typical for your response to be vague, you sounded tired, he jotted that down.

But your smile wasn’t real. It was obvious by the way you were fiddling with the end of your skirt, something was irritating you. He noticed this habit from your first session together.

Doctor Crane was not stupid, but apparently you were dumb enough to think he was. The game was already in motion and you were waiting for the perfect opportunity to cut him off. Being sick was off the table, you would have canceled if you were, actually, you probably wouldn’t have given your condition.

Regardless, he knew what moves were up your sleeves. The same cards you played on everyone. You wanted him to see you this way. Another desperate cry out for attention, for reassurance, as per usual. Mentally you had to be begging for him to drop to his knees for you. You were self sabotaging again. But it was the first time you had ever tried to do it with him.

Last week, Doctor Crane canceled your appointment an hour before it should have commenced. A family emergency. Like he had anyone important enough for that. It was just a little experiment of his, to see how truly attached he already knew you were.

It must have driven you insane. He wished he got to see how much you cried, or how out of touch you were for days. Because despite him constantly claiming otherwise, you thought he was wrapped around your finger by this point and it saddened you to remember how restricted your relationship was with him. His theory looked to be revealingly correct.

“Something’s on your mind… Did you want to tell me?” He asked, tilting his head towards you like you were a dog begging for attention.

Oh how you hated the way his attitude could switch up on you. One minute he was loving, the next he was neglectful. Little did you realize, he was acting how you’d act to everyone else.

“Yeah” you murmured with a gentle nod.

He nodded for you to continue on. When you didn’t continue on, by your voice being stuck in your throat, his left eyebrow cocked. “I want this to be our last session together” you spat out your confession, gulping down your fear as you finally made eye contact with you.

You wanted to read his initial reaction, but the man’s face was carved by stone. It only overfilled your stomach with dreading anxiety and made your heart pound in your chest heavier.

“Oh really? But I enjoyed our sessions” Doctor Crane pouted to you, he closed his notepad and placed it on the coffee table.

His legs were crossed in a slutty manner as he tilted his head to you. You laughed nervously, he was always toying with you now, you couldn’t let your emotions persuade you otherwise.

“So did I” you replied quietly, you face cringing at your response straight after, your thighs pressed together. Now with that, you caught his perfect blue eyes linger down to your thighs, only for a quick second. It could have been missed if you blinked at the wrong time.

“So, what’s the reason?” He questioned. His fingers continued to tap on his knee as he watched you nervously bat your eyes around.

“Because I’m going to work it out with Jaime” you spat out before you could think.

Jaime was this guy you started seeing during your sessions with Doctor Crane. He was a coworker of yours and the tension had slowly been brewing over time. With your therapist’s help, you felt like you should try to open yourself to others besides him. So you did, you went on continuous dates. Yet you were too scared to tell Doctor Crane, this gut feeling told you he wouldn’t like it.

When you were confident enough to share the information in your next session, you did not expect to walk out of the clinic with a flipped opinion on Jaime. Doctor Crane pointed out the facts. You liked the idea of him. He was promising, he looked at you in awe and not in desire. He cared about your future together. Jaime was the type of guy you’d take home to meet your parents. He was financially responsible, family oriented, involved in the community and took care of you.

So Jaime ticked all of the appropriate factors, but Doctor Crane questioned what you really liked about Jaime. It left you lost for words, what previously you felt you could write an essay about, your mind fell blank.

He followed this up on your fear of being sexual with him still.

“You’re not into him. Four dates and still nothing? You’re just trying to fill the loneliness inside of you” He sighed, sounding disappointed in your actions.

“No… No…” You defended pathetically.

Your mind was racing at this point and there was no emergency stop lever. Hands rubbing together in an anxious manner as you blinked hard.

“Fine, let’s do an exercise then” he clapped his hands together dramatically.

You looked at him confused as he moved over to the lounge sofa. His hand gestured for you to follow, hesitantly you did and sat next to him. Through a stiff posture, you looked over to him as he casually leant back into the cushioning, his hands caressing his thighs.

It came out before you could properly process it. A part of you thought it was a joke and then the next thought it was a hallucination. You stared down in a transfix, your throat clogged and mouth dry.

“Pretty… Isn’t it?” He hummed as he stroked his huge size, his gaze panning up to you. A sly smirk was planted under his dark eyes.

As your logic broke out, you whimpered and went to stand up but his hand latched onto your thigh quicker.

“Relax, I don’t want you to touch me. I just want you to watch me” he clarified, as if it made this any better. “Don’t take your eyes off of me, okay?” He mumbled his demand as his eyes moved back down to his length.

He was larger than most. A vein that poked out of his sensitive skin, which looked to be a couple of centimeters long. Typically, he was cleanly shaved as his hand wrapped around his firm member. All you could do was stare, in desire, in disgust, in disorder, in awe.

You therapist looked back up to you, he pictured you dropping to your knees, humping your soaked cunt on his polished shoe as you begged him to fuck you, to make you orgasm. Fantasied you screaming his name out as he buried himself deep inside of you.

He had to bite onto his lower lip to hold back his groans. As your thighs pressed together, you felt your core tingle, the vibrations grew bigger around your sensitive area. Both of your eyes shot up to each other simultaneously.

“You like this? Watching me stroke myself” he murmured, a wicked grin on his face as he observed your wide eyes.

“Y-yeah” you shuddered, your head nodding in agreement. This massive urge inside of you fought to wrap your hands around his size, but you felt too intimidated to do it.

“Dirty girl” he moaned lightly as he picked up his speed.

As his climax almost reached its peak and his cock twitched, he swiftly let go of his member and maneuvered you onto your back. You gasped out in a mixture of shock, fear and pleasure as he roughly pulled up your top and aimed his length at your stomach.

After a couple of vicious strokes, Doctor Crane snarled as his white ropes sprayed across your soft flesh. Your eyes darted up to his blue eyes and down to his throbbing member repetitively, your body stiff underneath him. He hummed in a low tone as his strokes came to a halt.

He tilted his head at the pretty sight and breathed out. Your eyes connected once more and he chuckled to you.

“See, how could you be into him? You just watched me masterbate and let me finish on you” he spoke in a nonchalant tone.

He was calling your bluff, but the fact that you had the audacity to bring up his name angered him. Made him feel a wave of jealousy even. Nevertheless, he would still be up for the challenge. He snorted to you, his eyes studying your facial expressions. There was nothing you could do but awkwardly rub your chin and look away from your therapist.

“You’re a horrible liar” he pointed out with a sly look. All you could do was lower your head in shame. “I thought I was helping you” he hummed, head tilted to the side as he waited for you to look back over to him.

“I don't want to see you anymore” you divulged with a grunt, growing frustrated with his investigations.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to” you spoke slowly, every word had your jaw clenching.

“This hasn’t got something to do with our last session together, does it?” He asked, a cynical smile growing on his lips.

All you could do was shake your head. He was getting under your skin, he was meant to be a therapist for crying out loud. Why was he being so mean to you? Why did this have to mean so much to him?

The matter in question was your last session together.

You walked into the room highly overstimulated, unfocused, irritated with your burden of a reality. The past few nights you had been crying endlessly. The thought of him was constantly on your mind. He was an enigma, the impossible puzzle in stores that no one even bothered to attempt. Every move you made with him had you stepping back twice as far. Thinking of him made you so overwhelmed, because you didn’t know what he wanted from you. It was some twisted game in his mind and you were too naive in the beginning to think it was something else.

He touched you, held you, caressed you, whispered sweet words into your ear, kissed you. Your therapist had explored almost every inch of your skin. His hips had rocked in sync with yours. You’ve seen him in completely vulnerable positions. Yet there was nothing that kept you together except for you booking in another appointment.

He continued to remind you that he didn’t want you at the end of every session without saying as he walked you out the door. A constant reminder that these were only exercises. You were exhausted and ready to raise the flag.

There was something real hidden underneath all of this. A twisted sensation that connected you both as one. It was a gut feeling, and you’d be damned if you tried to wait the sensation out of your body. At this point, it was all or nothing.

“Act on it” he told you with an approving nod.

You had just opened up to him with your scenario. Which he instantly knew was based around him despite you being highly vague. He read your expressions and body language clearly. You were overwhelmed, emotional, depressed, anxious and aroused.

“What?” You frowned at him, a mixture of confusion and hope.

“Act on your impulses” he clarified, straightening himself in his seat. There was a pause as you tried to read his expression, questioning if he was implying what you truly wanted to do. “Do it” he encouraged, flashing you a toothy grin.

His legs spreaded on the chair, his hand tapping gently on his thigh, you could see it from where you were seated, the bulge in his trousers. Hesitantly you stood from your seat, he nodded to reassure you. Through a wobbly stance, you gradually approached your therapist, your heart pounded and thoughts raced like hotrods.

As you stood before him, he admired the fear painted on you. You gulped down your thoughts and closed your eyes as you straddled him, his hands crept up to your hips as you took his short dark locks of hair in your hands.

This was different from last time, you held the reins right now. Too afraid to look at him this closely, you leant down and kissed him. He welcomed your tongue into his mouth as his hands slid up and down your lower back, sending sensational shocks amongst your nerves.

You moaned into his mouth and gently tugged at his roots. His hands wrapped around your back and he rocked his hips up and down slowly. When you finally opened your eyes again, he was looking right into you, as if he was studying every single thing you were doing. It discouraged you and you separated your lips and gulped, your hand wiped around your mouth.

“Don’t be afraid… I’m right here, I’ll look after you” he promised you gently.

You weakly smiled at him and found yourself slowly slipping down off of him. As you landed on your knees, your hands ran up and down his thin thighs. He sighed quietly as he watched you undo his leather belt. He helped you by raising his hips so you could tug down at pants, his cock flopped out onto his stomach.

You’ve never touched it before and it sent vibrations up your core. It felt suspenseful, the quick look you gave before you wrapped your hands around him. He moved forward on the seat and you gave him a couple of lazy pumps. Slowly, your lips pressed against his tip and he groaned in approval.

You closed your eyes as his length slipped into your mouth. Quickly, his hands gently held onto your cheeks.

“No no… Don’t look away from me, I want to see those pretty eyes of yours” he ordered kindly, a sweet smile on his mouth.

Your eyes fluttered open and your mouth smiled around his length. As you hummed around his size, it sent vibrations down his sensitive member. At a slow pace, your mouth bobbed up and down, taking in a little more than the last time. His hands looped into your loose, soft hair as he encouraged you to go a little bit faster. Doctor Crane liked it when you thrummed around him, how you’d hollow your cheeks and the way you batted your eyes up to him.

“Oh, such a good girl… You’re doing a fantastic job” he praised in a mixed tone of condescending and admiration which made your thighs press together. He carefully lifted his body up from the chair and his trousers started to slip to his ankles. His legs stood apart as he guided your head. Your hands ran up the back of his thighs and rested just below his glutes.

One hand slipped out of your hair so he could untighten his tie enough so he could pull it off. His hands slowly pulled your mouth off of him, you made a pop sound and for a second he thought he was going to finish right there and then. Even though you were breathing heavily, you were smiling so gleefully at him, he couldn’t help but to look at you in awe momentarily.

“Here… Wear this, it’ll make you look even prettier” he requested as he slipped and tightened his red tie around your gorgeous neck.

His hand wrapped from the tip of the tie and gently tugged your mouth back towards his throbbing, wet member. Eagerly, you took him back into your mouth completely. Your fingernails tickled at his hamstrings as you found a smooth rhythm to bob at.

“You’re so good at this… Can I go a bit rougher?” He gasped out.

He didn’t even give you a moment to respond. He tugged the tie harshly towards him repetitively as his tip would hit the back of your throat. Your nails dug into his flesh as you squint your eyes shut, tears naturally swelled up.

“No, I told you to look at me” he ordered more firmly this time, his free head patting your cheek to get your attention.

You obeyed, but blunk repetitively to try to wash away your tears. He was groaning out gently, he didn’t expect you to look so beautiful this way. It felt almost native to him to have you here in this state.

His size was twitching frequently in your mouth, he could feel how close he was. As his mouth fell open in pleasure, you couldn’t help but to smile again despite the painful speed you were going at. Because you were pleasing him, he was happy.

“Can I finish in your mouth darling?” He asked in a gasp.

Immediately you moaned around his shaft and even though Doctor Crane didn’t know what you were trying to spit out, he took it as a yes. When he felt his climax tip over, he pulled your face to his lower region, your nose pressed against his lower abdomen as he held you still there. His seed shot straight down your throat, only a couple of ropes got caught on your tongue.

His blue eyes rolled back and he moaned out loudly. As his hand around the tie instinctively pulled as far as he could and his other hand slipped back into your hair and caressed your scalp. When his eyes fluttered back to reality and his post orgasm state settled in, he still held you around him, wanting it to last one more longer.

Gradually, the tie slipped out of his hand and he tugged you off of him. Your body slumped down as you breathed out hard and swallowed the remainder of his semen. You took off the tie and rubbed the friction burn around your neck and soreness that pulsed on your mouth.

However, when you looked back up to him, your smile quickly faded.

“And that’s time…” He spoke emotionlessly, his eyes glued onto his watch.

He had already tucked himself back into his trousers. Whilst you sat on your knees looking like a sweating mess. When he held his hand out, you mistook it for a kind gesture of helping you up. But he only wanted his tie back. As he tied it back around his neck, you sat frozen on knees, head laying low.

His voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Sweetheart, come on. I have another appointment” he sighed, his voice sounding distant.

When you looked up, he was by the door, his hips leant to the left with his hands resting above them. You blinked away your tears and stood up on wobbly feet. Quickly you grabbed your belongings and sniffled as you approached him.

As you went to open the door, his hand rested on your shoulder. You couldn’t help but to look up to him with a sliver of hope.

“That was good progress today, I’ll see you next week” he nodded to you, his expression emotionless.

He opened the door for you before you could even try to utter a word. As you walked out and turned around to see him one more time, he shut the door before you could.

When he canceled on you the week after, reality hit you like a train traveling at high speed. He was using you, you were only a playtoy and it was a matter of time until he grew bored of you. The irony was how your therapist was destroying you instead of fixing you.

You drove recklessly the whole time, wishing that you would just end up in a fatal crash. He told you to stay away from recreational drugs and alcohol early on. But that weekend you went out and impulsively took more than you should have. You ended up grinding with strangers, closing your eyes and picturing him and then you’d drink more to try to forget about him, even though it was just for the night.

You don’t know how you got home the next morning, better yet how you didn’t have a single scratch on your body. It felt a sign that you needed to let him go. That he was the toxic venom in your life and loving him would kill you.

He was the two end balls on Newton's cradle, his behavior to you was constantly switching. The way he kissed you, held you, caressed you. It all meant nothing. Especially when it came to comparison of how he’d shout at you, belittle you, scream even on occasions. Some sessions you’d end up having a complete meltdown in his arms and he’d apologize for taking the exercise too intensely.

Everything he was doing to you was illegal. This wasn’t normal, this wasn’t healthy, this wasn’t proper treatment. He was only making your condition worse. He was taking advantage of you and you had been stupid enough to allow it for so long. It was time to take off the rose tinted glasses.

Doctor Crane was correct yet again. You were not back in contact with Jaime. You only needed an excuse to get out of this cobweb of painful emotions and it was the best idea you had. His blue eyes were shooting daggers at you as he waited for your answer.

“You could have canceled over the phone but you’re here… Why?” He frowned towards you, moving forward in his seat to get a view.

You clicked your tongue and blinked back your tears. Your body was running high on adrenaline, it was hard for you to process anything that was happening around you. Doctor Crane could see how overstimulated you were, how hard this must have been for you.

Your head remained low as you began to speak. “I will-”

“Look at me when you’re talking” he resisted his snarl through his demand as he cut you off.

As you clicked your tongue again, your head shot up in anger. He couldn’t help but to grin, you’ve never looked at him with such fury. The fire inside of you made the blood run to his cock.

A thousand words stormed through your brain. Everything that you wanted to scream at him banged against the walls, desperately trying to break out. It was hard to know what you wanted to say first. But then a thought of reflection sparked and within a click, your angered expression disappeared. Your torso relaxed as you blinked at him. His dark eyebrows furrowed to you as you calmed your breathing.

“Goodbye Doctor Crane” you exhaled, a soft satisfied smile on your lips.

For once, you could read his expression enough, he was taken aback. His eyes widened, only slightly, but nevertheless they widened. As his mouth slowly opened and head tilted, as his mind raced to spit something out, you stood up from your seat and turned to the door, gulping down all of your nerves.

For a moment, he couldn’t help but to admire you walking away, the way your hips would swing. He couldn’t deny the fact that he was proud of you, for finally standing up for yourself. But he knew one thing, you were going to walk out that door and never return.

Doctor Crane would be damned if he allowed you to leave him, especially on your own terms. A quick flash of fear mixed with excitement washed over his face and he acted impulsively for once. A sudden rush of desperation and desire compelled his thoughts. He jumped from his chair like a predator in pursuit of its prey.

Before you could reach for the knob, you’re forced up against the door, not softly yet not too roughly to leave a mark. You gasp out as his hands run over your body animalistically. Doctor Crane’s mouth pressed to your jaw as his arms tangled around your body.

“Doctor-” you whimpered and he couldn’t help but to moan out your name.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked quietly by your ear, his words hissing like a viper.

Tears begin to shed again from your sore eyes. Why couldn’t he just let you leave and move on.

“Stop…” you chortled, shaking your head at the thought of staying in this any longer.

“Let’s talk about this” he pleaded in a humorous tone as he tried to guide you back to the middle of the room.

But you stood firmly, your hand could just hold onto the doorknob. When you shook your head again he grunted and kissed your neck.

“I don’t want to” you shivered, you wanted to sound confident but your emotions were failing you.

Doctor Crane kissed your neck repeatedly to try to convince you otherwise. It only made you whine and struggle against him. His lips pressed to your ear as his head nuzzled against yours, your knees couldn’t help but to buckle.

“I thought you liked me…”

“I can’t do this” you bit back your moan as you felt his erection hump against your ass.

Naturally, your back began to arch as you pushed your head back against his. Whilst being under this seductive trance, he pulled you back towards his chair and fell back onto it. You sat on his lap, you back pressed against his front and his tongue rolled over your earlobe.

“You’re so overstimulated right now… I can feel it running through your skin. You can’t even see how badly you’re acting. I bet you can hardly process what I’m saying” he grinned as his hands ran up and down your body, too greedy to stick to one spot.

“No! Let go of me please! I want to leave!” You cried out, his fingers swiftly swam into your mouth to silence you.

“Darling… Darling, you’re not okay. I need to help you. I legally can’t let you leave in this state, for your safety and others” he disclosed, a mischief look on his face.

As his free hand snaked up to your tits as the other continued to pump his fingers into and out of your mouth. Your body squirmed on his, but you didn’t try to jump off of him, your body felt tired and aroused.

“Fuuuck, you wore such a slutty outfit today. You must have really wanted to get my attention” he snickered as he pulled his fingers out of your mouth and you gasped out.

“Doctor please… Please let me go. I-I” you stuttered as your eyes remained shut.

“Stop thinking… Let your impulses take over” he spoke calmly.

“No I can’t!” you argued, shaking your head at the thought of submitting to him again.

You hated yourself. Because for days you were so determined on ridding him out of your mind. Finally letting go of his abuse. You were going to fix the part that he purposely broke in you. But here you were again, back on his lap.

He sighed out and kissed your heated cheek again.

“Look at how emotional you are. My poor insecure girl, I bet you’re all built up down there” he exhaled deeply as his wet fingers traveled down under your skirt and your body froze.

“No… Stop, you’re upsetting me” you sobbed as his hand danced around your panties.

He breathed out, his hand slid down to your thigh as he pressed his forehead to your hair. Silence filled the room as he hummed quietly, you sniffled a couple of times.

“I know… If it changes anything, I’m sorry” he admitted, his arms wrapped around your waist.

A beat.

“Really?” You asked in a hopeful tone, your head turned back to him.

Doctor Crane’s expression was completely emotionless except for his eyes as he slowly nodded. They were wide and glistening. Slowly, your body shifted back around to face him and his hands rested on your lower back.

“Yes, I fail to remember how subconscious you can be” he explained, his fingertips playing with the end of your skirt. You felt skeptical, but he looked so innocent with his eyes raw with emotion, how could you not forgive that. “Let me make it up to you” he whispered as he leant in to kiss you.

You allowed it, your arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed you passionately. You whimpered, your body shivering as his hands ran up your thighs to your ass.

“I don’t want to do another exercise” you gasped as you broke the kiss.

“This isn’t an exercise” he said sternly, his hands squeezing your rear.

“What is it?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Something far more memorable” he shrugged his shoulders gently as his fingers unbutton your blouse. “Now, let’s get you out of this pretty outfit” he instructed. As you pulled your shirt off, his fingers trailed over the perfect blue bra you wore. “So arresting” he admired, his top teeth grazing over his lower lip.

He kindly ordered you to stand up as he unclasped your bra. His blue eyes lingered on your bare torso as he dropped to his knees to unbuckle your shoes. After he assisted you to take off your socks, he slowly pulled down your skirt and panties as one to the floor.

He breathed out as he looked up to take in your perfectly imperfect figure. Your existence was like a piece of kintsukuroi, you turned to be more beautiful after being broken.

He had never seen you naked before. Never seen anything besides the beauty of your stomach or thighs. Your body shivered and subconsciously you pulled your arms to your chest and your thighs crossed over as you watched his dark eyes, dripping with lust scan over you. After you did that, his eyes snapped up to yours and he tutted to you

“No, no… Never hide yourself from me, ever” he commanded firmly as his arms reached up and repositioned yours back to your sides.

You whimpered but nodded regardlessly as his hands met in between your thighs and pushed them apart. He admired your cleanly shaved region and his hot breath fanned you momentarily before his cold lips pressed to your gushing folds.

“Tastes so delightful” he complimented before kissing you there again.

You held back your moan, it got stuck in your throat and he looked up to you. Purely wanting to see your reaction as he flicked his tongue over your clit. You mumbled out, your hands instinctively gripped into his hair for support. As his hands caressed your glutes, you couldn’t help but to feel a similitude to your last encounter together. His tongue lapped at your entrance, zigzagged up and down your folds as your eyes began to roll back. Naturally your hips rocked and fingertips massaged his scalp as he began to kiss your cunt in a sloppy manner.

“Such a cute pussy” he commented in a lustful tone before his tongue shot inside of you.

You cried out as you roughly tugged at his roots. His slippery tongue was darting in and out of you. The vibrations were sparking up your nerves as you couldn’t try to hide your moans any longer. Your toes were curling on the floorboards, breathing unsteady as your eyes blinked heavily.

“I-I need… I need to” you stammered out, lost for words as your sight began to blur.

“Need to finish? You’ll ask nicely then” he demanded with a grin as he looked back up to you.

You cried out in frustration as you heaved. “Please… Can I come” you whimpered softly.

Usually, he’d prefer to tease a bit longer. But you looked so sweet, he couldn’t find a reason to say no.

“Come on then, let me taste your sweet orgasm” he encouraged before his tongue attacked your bundle of nerves again.

Shortly after, you screamed out, your back arched, head snapped back, toes tried to dig into the floor as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. It was music to his ears, as he greedily ate you out completely. You were whimpering words as he licked your cunt clean, your eyes forced shut from pleasure.

Doctor Crane slowly stood up and rubbed his bulge, smiling at your post orgasm state. It wasn’t until you felt the cool sensation of the desk on your rear when you relaxed how far in the room you had moved. Your back fell onto the wood as you breathed out, his pants open enough for his throbbing cock to hang out and be stroked in his hand.

“You go so mindless when you climax, it’s quite fascinating” he pointed out as he lifted your legs over his shoulders.

You smelt of jasmine and rose, the perfect mixture of sweet floral and seductive muskiness which made his nostrils flare. Whilst he smelt of a perfect blend of rose petals, musk, precious woods and floral citrus which made Jonathan feel like he was the aftermath of a rain shower to you.

You gulped as he pressed his tip to your recovering core. “Do you like me?” You blurted out as a wave of doubt crashed over you.

“I fuck all of my patients” he chuckled lightly which made your face drop. “That was a joke” he sighed as he pressed the back of his hand to your heated cheek. “You certainly have my attention” he admitted with a soft smile as he lined his cock to your entrance.

He wasn’t even sure if he was capable of those emotions, at least in a traditional sense. He knew that he loved every bit you hated of yourself, addicted even. There was this primal urge to take care of you, to look after you felt like a captivity he desired to be in.

He liked how much you subconsciously feared him, which always resulted in you wanting to please him, to get some form of reassurance, of love. It was nice, knowing that someone was addicted to him like he was a drug. The feeling of being loved was comforting, in his own taboo way.

As he roughly thrusted himself instead of you, your hands fell back and you knocked something off the desk. Your head snapped back to see what but his hand turned your face back to his serious expression.

“How many times do I have to tell you. Keep your eyes on me” he warned as he continued to fuck you.

“But-” you opposed as you leant back more and gripped onto the edge of the desk.

“Don’t worry about it” he grunted with his hips pistoning into you.

You nodded eagerly with your mouth wide open.

It was as if your eyes could speak the way he looked at you. The inquisitiveness in him always wanted to know what you were thinking. But at the same time, he merely liked to look into your pretty eyes. It almost gave him comfort that he was finally truly seen by another.

You were alluring to him. Apparently made from the same toxin he was, because he was an addict for you. He was obsessed with discovering every single atom of you. It felt like his life mission to know everything there was to know about you. Yes, he took it too far with you on many occasions. But he just needed to uncover your triggers. He needed to know what to protect you from and how to keep you attached to him.

His arms straightened besides your shoulders. “That’s my good fucking girl” he praised as his cock twitched inside of you.

By the force he was going at, it was hurting you, but regardless, you felt your cunt drip immensely. His mouth hung open as his blue eyes fluttered lightly.

“What do you call me?”

“Huh?”

Doctor Crane repeated his words sternly after every thrust. You blinked and stammered for a moment, his cock distracting you from the correct answer.

“Daddy?” You guessed unsurely.

“No… Your father left you. But not me, I’m right here sweetheart. Call me by my name, because that’s what lovers do, isn’t it?” Jonathan smirked as his pace picked up, his own eyes began to roll back.

You whimpered and called him by his name. In return, he moaned back your name and called you a good girl before kissing you. Through swollen eyes, you panted underneath him, his mouth pressed to your jaw.

“You can be so mean to me” you whined pathetically as you struggled to keep your eyes on him.

“I know” he replied blankly.

“Why?”

“It’s all a part of your treatment” he sighed, silencing you with his lips before you could ask any further questions.

When your lips eventually separated, his hips were still thrusting into you viciously. Your region felt full and another orgasm was trying to latch onto your sensitive nerves. One arm shot up to latch around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you stared deeply into his eyes.

“I love you” you admitted in a trance of lust, comfort and pure raw emotion.

“I already knew that” Jonathan groaned back to you.

You were dreaming if you believed you’d be able to get a confession out of him. If anything, you should be grateful enough to get this much out of him. But Jonathan couldn’t deny his attraction, his fixation towards you.

You were in his dreams quite frequently. Jonathan saw you at home, being a perfect housewife and an exceptional lover for him. He had thought of going back to teaching at the university instead, that way you’d be able to make him breakfast, pack his lunch and have dinner ready for him by the time he returned home. His salary would be enough to protect you both financially, so you’d be able to quit your job and focus your life purely on him. Just as your condition compelled you to. This way, he’d be able to look after you always, and you'd be able to look after him.

“I’m so fucking addicted to you. You’re my favorite little obsession” he confessed with a wicked smile.

The type of look that made your stomach turn, realizing how big of a hole you had dug yourself, you may just never be able to climb back out of it. As a natural instinct urged you to get up and make a run for it, Jonathan forced you completely onto your back.

You grunt out from the pain as he pressed himself completely inside of your pulsing walls. Jonathan’s tongue ran down your face.

“You know BPD is incurable? You’re always going to need someone to look after you” he implied as his movements turned slow and painful as your cunt clenched around his size.

“You scare me so much” you admitted through a wobbly lower lip.

“Darling… That’s the whole point of it all” he replied calmly.

“But don’t stress, I’ll always be here to help you” Jonathan assured your insecurities.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #smut #dark smut #jonathan crane dark #jonathan crane x you #jonathan crane smut #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane #batman begins #angst

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abbyromanoff · 10 months

Note

Hi 👋🏻 could u write gpWanda x reader x gpNatasha where Wanda is r gf and she doesn't know how to fuck reader properly so she ask Nat for help and N fuck r while W is watching?

I'm sorry if there are mistakes, english isn't my first language

ACQUAINTED

PAIRINGS: Wanda x reader, Wanda x Nat, Nat x reader

WORD COUNT: 3,697

WARNINGS: therapist/patient relationship, perv!Nat, nat and Wanda have dicks, subby!Wanda, Miss (N), threesome, exhibition, voyerisum, degrading, praising, breeding, therapist!Natasha, pet names, smut (obvi), pining, cunnilingus, dry-humping (kinda), bottom!R, top!Nat, Nat treating R like an object,

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

Wanda sat on the couch with Natasha in front of her, sitting at her desk with a notebook in hand. The walls were painted a soothing gray, only adorning a few pieces of artwork. She had been seeing Ms. Romanoff for close to a year now after you suggested the idea of therapy, already having one of your own.

“I don’t know, it’s just hard I guess. I mean, I love them so much and I see myself having a future with them, but-” She paused, rubbing the back of her neck and adjusting her potion. Nat hummed, waiting for a response but speaking up when receiving none.

“But, what?”

“I- I want to- well, we don’t really-” She didn’t know why she was so nervous all of the sudden, she had been able to tell Nat almost everything but this seemed to be different.

“Trust me, I’ve most likely heard much worse here, whatever you say is confidential and free of judgment. Just take your time.” Wanda sighed and nodded, trying to figure out the words in her mind before speaking.

“I guess I just want to spice things up, you know? And don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but- but they were the first person I’ve ever done it with. I’m just scared they’re not satisfied and it worries me to think that I’m nowhere near as good as their past boyfriends or girlfriends.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t anything serious, but it was to her. She was a giving person, all she wanted was for you to be happy and well-pleasured, she wanted to impress you. But there was nothing to show off with, she had no skills in that aspect, that’s what she thought at least.

“Okay, that’s understandable.” Nat started. “Have you ever tried, say, having a conversation with them about this? I know you’re not great with communication but maybe just asking them what are some of the things they like or maybe even expressing your worries, I’m sure they’d listen.” She knew you would, but the idea of bringing such a thing up felt uncomfortable. She didn’t hate the thought of sex, but she hated the thought of talking about it. It felt like watching a sex scene on the television with your parents right next to you.

“I know they’d listen, I just don’t know how to, like, bring it up.” Wanda watched as Natasha moved her pen gently against the piece of paper, writing something down that she wished she could see.

“Alright, well, what if you invited them to a session, possibly our next one? We can bring up our discussion and your worries and maybe it could help ease them.” She spoke with such gentleness that it always made Wanda even more nervous. You had picked up on the way she’d always come home with a blush and a small smile after her appointments, but you just assumed she was happy to see you. And she was, but that wasn’t the full reason for her expressions.

“So it would be like couple’s therapy?”

“Yes, pretty much. I’ll have you two both share your sides and your feelings and we go from there.” Wanda could do that, she hoped so.

The one hour ended in what seemed like a few minutes as Nat said her goodbye’s to the woman, watching her leave as her eyes trailed down to her ass. The jeans fit her ass perfectly, it was impossible to stop the biting of her lip and the long sigh.

Truth be told, she had been planning this moment for too long. She remembered when she first ever saw you, Wanda showed her the picture she kept in her wallet of the two of you holding hands that were pointed to the camera with your lips attached in a sweet kiss. Before, she had been slightly upset when finding out that her client had a partner, even with the knowledge that it would ruin her career if she did anything. But then there was you, she didn’t expect you to be so beautiful.

The moment her last client left she went searching through your accounts, using your name to find anything on you. She was embarrassed to say she had stroked herself to multiple orgasms while scrolling through both you and your girlfriend’s photos. She was beyond ecstatic about next week’s visit, she could only hope you’d agree to go.

Luckily, you did. It took a little bit of convincing, when Wanda brought the idea up to you, you were frightened that you did something to upset her, but she quickly rushed that thought out of your mind. She didn’t tell you what exactly it was for, although you assumed it would be nice. You knew Natasha was an amazing therapist, she helped Wanda with all the things you struggled to help with. You were only human, and you didn’t have a degree like Nat, but your moral support meant just as much to your girlfriend.

“Wanda?” Her head shot up at the sound of Natasha’s voice, she quickly grabbed your hand and the two of you walked into her office. She closed the door behind you, her eyes catching a quick glimpse of your body. You were even better than the photos, she couldn’t wait.

“And you must be Y/N if I’m correct.” You nodded and shook her hand, giving her a warm smile as you removed your coat. Wanda did the same, grabbing yours and placing it on the coat rack in the corner of the room.

“So, I’m assuming Wanda has told you why you’re here?” When she looked down at her knees where her fingers rested, nervously picking the skin off of them, she knew her answer.

“Uh, not really. I was a little bit hesitant about this, but she told me there was nothing to worry about, so I’m hoping it’s nothing bad.” You shied away from Nat’s eyes, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks at the woman’s clear attractiveness. You didn’t exactly know what her therapist looked like, but now you wished you had done your research beforehand. She was stunning, breathtaking.

“Well, I can assure you that you have done nothing wrong, honey, there are just some topics we’d like to approach if that’s alright with you.” You nodded and interlaced your hand with Wanda’s, giving a small squeeze to assure her you weren’t upset. She had been planning what to bring up since the moment she left last week, but it seemingly all vanished by now.

“Do you have a therapist or a counselor of your own, Y/N?” It started off with simple questions, ones that you’d expect. That was until she started asking about your relationship and prior ones too. You shifted in your seat as she continued, feeling the immense pressure with both of their eyes on you.

“Now, tell me, Y/N, do you feel satisfied with Wanda?”

“Of course, I do. She’s such a great woman and I can really feel her love, I haven’t ever had someone like her.” You could see Wanda smiling next to you and you joined her. You truly loved this woman more than anything, you wanted to marry her someday and you hoped she thought the same.

“And sexually? Do you feel sexually satisfied with Wanda?” You nearly choked on your spit from her words, nervously chuckling in hopes to redeem yourself. She noticed your expressions and tried reassuring you, holding back as best she could when she patted your knee.

“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, trust me. It’s normal to feel a sense of discomfort in these situations, but I promise that everything here stays confidential.” Her voice was able to soothe you and calm your nerves.

“Uhm, I’d say so, yeah. Obviously, there are some…things I’d like to try, but we haven’t approached that.” She nodded, as if she wanted you to go on. You didn’t know what to say, your words were stuck in your throat. You were experienced with the topic, but it wasn’t one you openly shared or talked about with others.

“Would you say your sex life is more vanilla than you want it to be?” You loved Wanda, you really did, but she wasn’t the greatest when it came to your intimate moments. You could feel her love through it, but you wanted to see her rougher side, you knew she was holding back on you.

“To be honest, yeah. I kind of like things to be a bit more..kinky, you know?” You could see the redness on Wanda’s cheeks and the tip of her ears as she shuffled her feet around. You felt sorry for making her embarrassed, but that’s why she brought you here in the first place.

“What would you consider kinky, darling?” Her pet name had your lips quivering ever-so-slightly before you came up with a response.

“I guess I just wish she was a bit more rough with me. And don’t get me wrong, I love that I can really feel her care for me but sometimes I just want her to, like, use me.” Nat scooted her desk chair closer to you two, placing her hand on your thigh softly. Wanda was still silent, she was probably too scared to speak up.

“You want to be used, Y/N?” You nodded slowly, feeling your eyes drift to her lips. You felt so dirty looking at her the way you did your girlfriend, but you also knew she was doing the same.

“Hm, who knew such a sweet little thing could be so dirty?” You could feel her hand rubbing small circles on your covered skin, her eyes staring deeply into yours. She trailed them over your body, taking all of you in.

“Does this turn you on, honey?” You nodded once again. “Yeah? Me touching you while your girlfriend watches, that makes you wet?” You gulped down your arousal as you felt her thumb teasing your clit through the fabric, your legs instinctively opening for more.

“Kiss them for me, Wanda; act like I’m not even here.” You looked in the brunette's direction, watching as she snuck glances between the two of you. She placed one hand on your cheek and the other on your lower back as you leaned in for her lips to meet yours. You moaned into the kiss as Nat rid you of your pants, dragging her fingers across your panties and smiling at the wet patch adorning them. The noise allowed Wanda’s tongue to slip into your mouth, the intrusion causing you to groan in pleasure.

Your fingers ran through Nat’s hair, pleading her to come closer. You could feel her hot breath teasing your slit as she slid your panties to the side, small kisses being pressed against your clit.

“Please, Ms. Romanoff.” You pulled away from Wanda to catch your breath, your head resting on her shoulder. Your eyes landed on her crotch as you noticed her palming herself, her hips bucking into her hand.

“You’re such a good girl. Say, why don’t we give Wanda a little lesson, okay?” She smiled when you complied without a thought in your mind. She stood up, guiding you to join her as she removed your shirt, grinning when she took notice of your lacey bra.

“It’s Wanda’s favorite, I was going to surprise her tonight.” She huffed out a chuckle and reached around behind you to unclasp it, shuddering as it fell and you were left in nothing but your panties.

“I’ve been wanting to fuck you for so long, baby. Now I can finally get my hands on you.” She had been so desperate to be alone in her office with the both of you, she wanted nothing more than to mark you both as hers.

She led you to her desk, her kisses trailing from your neck to your chest where her lips wrapped around your hardened bud. Your back was met with the wooden table as she lifted you to sit on it, her palms lingering on your soft thighs after she guided your last piece of clothing off of you. She parted them, dropping to her knees in front of you and staring up at you with lust in her eyes.

“Watch closely, Wanda.” You looked over to the woman at the mention of her name, biting your lip with hunger as you noticed her unbuttoned pants and her hand hidden inside of her boxers. She shuddered when you cupped your breast, using Nat’s saliva to help create a small rhythm.

Nat blew a teasing breath onto your pulsing clit before leaning in, taking the bud into her mouth. She sucked delicately, soaking in your moans and twitches. She was too engrossed in your taste to take notice of her growing erection in her pants.

“Oh, you look so pretty on your knees for me, Miss.” It was clear that she was still the one in charge, but her need for you was so great, she couldn’t care if she seemed weak. Wanda, while feeling a pang of jealousy, couldn’t deny the heat that was growing in her stomach. She felt as though she would burst any second, but she was trying to hold back. Her thumb would occasionally brush over her tip, causing her eyes to squeeze shut.

“Look at me, Wands; watch me.” She pried her eyelids open willingly, nearly whining when she saw you wrap your legs around her therapist’s head. You grinded into her face as her tongue tortured your hole, diving in and out repeatedly. She groped your ass in order to push you closer into her, her nose poking at your clit.

“Fuck! Fuck- right there, yes!” You covered your mouth with your hand in order to silence yourself, becoming ashamed of how loud you were. Neither of them were complaining though, they thrived off of your noises; it brought satisfaction knowing that they were the reason you were in such a deep state of pleasure.

“I’m- I’m gonna cum.” Nat smirked into your cunt as you were brought over the edge, your head falling back and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your silent screams filled the room as Nat continued to lap up your juices, Wanda watching with the wish that she was the one tasting you. You were addicting, a drug that she couldn’t get enough of. Every sway of your hips, every lick of your lips, every noise, and every word that left that sweet mouth was so alluring.

You were suddenly pushed to lie down, feeling the lumber underneath you bruise your back. You leaned up on your elbows to admire the woman as she undressed herself, running her hand through her short hair once as to fix what you tugged.

“Tell me, love, have you ever heard of breeding?” You nodded, receiving a slap to your cheek. Wanda widened her eyes at both the words and the rough contact, is this what you meant? Is this how you wanted her to treat you, like you were some no-good slut?

“Yes, Miss, I have.” She hummed, guiding her tip through your slit and gathering the wetness as a replacement for lube.

“When was the last time you ever pleaded to milk Wanda dry, hm? Beg her to slap you ‘till your skin turned black and blue? Or, better yet, when was the last time you got on your knees and asked her in that sweet little tone of yours to treat you like the dirty whore you are?” Your chest rose and fell with every breath you took, each one not feeling like it was enough.

“Never.” You shook your head as you answered, your eyes not being able to meet hers. She gripped your chin roughly, pulling you in close so her nose was practically touching yours.

“What was that?” She asked again, even if she had already heard you well enough.

“Never.” You repeated, this time louder. She clicked her tongue and shot you a disapproving glance.

“Mm, there’s always two sides to the matter. Here Wanda was not knowing what to do because you couldn’t communicate, do you think that’s fair on her?” The way she spoke, the light rasp to her voice was what caused the wetness already coating your thighs to increase.

“N-no, Miss.” She turned your head to face Wanda and she blushed in the moment you caught her. You could notice the stains now coating her boxers and the shameful look on her face; she had peaked with you. You didn’t know how you didn’t hear her, she was usually the louder one of you both. But you guessed that you were too far into your orgasm to care for anything else.

“Apologize to your girlfriend, Y/N, and tell her how sorry you are.”

“I’m sorry, Wanda, I’m sorry for not- not talking about my needs and wants when I should’ve. I’m sorry.” You stuttered over your words as you felt Nat’s cock prodding at your hole, her tip breaking way and creating a small stretch.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” She spoke up, and for the first time this entire session, you were able to hear her voice. It was coated thickly with her Sokovian accent seeing as she had just moved here nearly eight months ago. You hoped it would never go away, no matter how long she lived in this country.

“See? You’re both already doing such a good job.” You both smiled at the praises, seeming to fish for them from the woman at bay. You sent a small ‘I love you’ to Wanda from across the room, although it was only mouthed out. Nat grabbed hold of your waist, pulling you towards her and causing her length to fill you up almost entirely. You gasped at the intrusion, crying out in pain as you clawed at the desk.

She continued to slowly lead you further, moaning to herself as your warmth clamped around her. Your tears only brought more delight to her heart, she could only grin when seeing them.

“You’ve been begging for Wanda to use you yet you can barely even take me? Aren’t you just a pathetic fucking slut.” Her fingertips ran along your face, her thumb rubbing gentle circles as a faux sense of comfort. She then brought them down to your neck, wrapping her palm around it and cutting off your airways. The only thing you could manage to get out were choked sobs and moans. The burning discomfort slowly eased into one of satisfaction as Nat slowly thrusted her hips into you, the sounds of skin clapping together ringing through all three of you guys’ ears.

“Did you know your girl likes to be choked, Wanda?”

“N-no, ma’am.” She chuckled at the title given to her. Her breasts bounced with every movement of her hips, her cock hitting your womb. There was a small yet noticeable bulge carved out on your stomach making her groan, she was so big compared to you.

“Hm, maybe in our next session we can teach Y/N a lesson too, what do you say?” She didn’t need another opinion to decide her answer, it was final. It wasn’t just the brunette at fault, you were required to voice your wants too, even if she’d have to force it out of you.

“Please-” You managed to get out when her hand removed itself from your bruising neck and found a spot on your waist, pressing down harder than before. She was practically resting her weight on top of you, causing the bone to struggle in holding her up.

“Shut your dirty fucking mouth, I don’t want to hear another word from you.” You were close, so close, and so was she. She was forcing her body to hold back, ensuring that you were to finish first.

Wanda’s erection only grew after her orgasm, her greed making her yearn for another. You were the only one who had ever been able to make her cum, she assumed there was no better. Shyly, she walked forward, her soiled clothing still masking her bottom half. She gave Nat a look, asking for permission to which she was granted.

“Don’t ask, sweetheart, force it.” She was so used to constantly asking if it was okay to do something to your body, after all, it wasn’t her choice. Every time you’d say yes, but there was always a nagging fear that you’d not want it and she had forgotten to ask. The thought made her sick, who would ever think to do such a thing?

“They want it, Wanda. Just rub yourself against them- perfect, just like that.” She praised when Wanda held you by the back of your neck and rutted her bulge against your face, the fabric rubbing against her hard length. She whimpered when your hand came up to rub her balls, your mouth peppering kisses over her cock.

“You close, baby?” You didn’t know who she was asking, but you both agreed. You continued to gently suckle while wishing you were able to truly feel her instead of the wrinkles in her trousers.

“Ah! S-shit, cum with me.” You followed her orders and let the coil in your stomach snap as you soaked her cock, feeling her release shoot deep inside of you.

You nuzzled against Wanda as you felt her twitching, only to notice a wet patch forming on her pants. She had leaked through her underwear while itching for more, the knowledge only fueled your pride.

You mewled as Nat pulled out of you, watching as the cum dripped down your cunt, some landing on the desk while other droplets fell to the floor. She didn’t bother looking for her clothes, instead pulling the younger girl in for a kiss before doing the same with you. It was passionate, both kisses were. You could sense the longing and the emotions in it that she tried to mask, only making you chase after her lips for more once she leaned back.

“Shall we plan your next appointment then?”

2K notes · View notes

screaminglygay · 8 months

Text

KINKTOBER day 1

pairing: siren! natasha x reader

summary: working on a boat sounds like a fun, but what if there is a cold weather?

word count: 3.6k

warnings: heavy manipulation!!!, mind control, toxic dynamic, humping a tail, dirty talk, just smut!, badly written description of what sailors do

an: so the time is here!!!! I’m exited and also anxious, aghh. I’d appreciate any of your feedback and don’t be scared to send me some thoughts! If there are any typos, i sincerely apologize, just let me know and I’ll fix it!

an2: there is a part that was inspired by hp and goblet of fire, i’ve changed most of it, but left some parts, since natasha is siren. felt like it was fitting. and it’s exactly how I imagine natasha’s style of singing.

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky time and be safe!

Working on a coast was an incredible experience and for such a long time you were happy to have the oppurtunity to see new things, but most imporantily feel new things.

This spontanious work trip helped you with your mental health more than your therapist in years. You didn´t even mind working alone somedays, since your coworkers had some days shift off. You enjoyed those quiet days, where you didn´t even overthink, you just let your thoughts peacefully be and surprisingly they did the same thing to you.

Seeing things, the old things but with a different font was something you never get tired of. Everything was bigger and prettier. Colorfull sunrises and sunsets, bigger and shiny stars. But when the warm and fuzzy wind was changed by heavy rains and scary thunderstorms, you were really changing your opinion and wishing you were back in your comfy king sized bed, watching another stupid show on Netflix. Not everything was so colorful all the time.

Especially when the weather got cold and nothing was so warm and fuzzy as in the summer. When the first storm came you thought that you can hadle it, alone. You did, but barerly.

But from todays morning, you knew something big is coming and nothing could prepare you for that. You woke up and checked your phone, like you did every signle day and noticed you have one unread message, saying that your coworker, Tobias, can´t make it, because he got sea sick, from all the sailing he did this week. Which is little weird since you´re positive he´s been sailing the day he was born. But even the best of us can get sick sometimes. So youre all alone. You let out a big sigh. You werent mad, no. You were just little scared of the storm that might and most probably will come today.

When you finally got up and looked from the window you could feel that the wind was freezingly cold. Goosebumps begin to form on your arms and neck. The cold feeling seeps through your skin deeper, like a stealthy intruder, sending shivers down your spine. It's an icy touch that grips your body, making your muscles tense.

It´s gonna be a long day.

As always you packed your stuff, fuzzy socks, warm coat, another shirt just in case youll get wet. Lastly you took some snacks and a big amout of soup, hoping your heater wont let you down. And last but not least a lots of tea. As your boss always says "Tea and rum is better than a warm coat." Well you dont have the rum, but the tea will do, at least that´s what youre saying to yourself.

When you got to work, you checked all the papers from yesterday, made sure to know what your tasks will be today. And of course you had to check if the boat is in a good shape to sail the next day. It´s a lot of work, but at least you have a job to do. Not like a week ago, where you just sat and watch as the waves hit the rocks for 12 hours. You noticed that even waves have a simple patterns, its was so hypnotic to watch it hit the big rocks again and again and again.

You slowly checked all the papers to not miss anything important and undeerscore everything that you need to do today. You checked your watch and made a mental note to put the kettle on soon.

Youre working here for about a 5 months now and you still havent figured out your routine. Even though most of the times youre still doing the same job all over again, checking something, writing what needs to be fixed, checking the load, or just watching over the boat, you still do everything at the same time. So sometimes (read it as most of the times) you just forget to do the simple things as taking care of your basic needs. When you and Tobias have shift together, you two kinda take care of eachtoher, but when he´s not there it´s just so easy to forget about it.

But today you did quite good job, after checking the lower deck you came back up to unlock the kitchen and put the kettle on. When youre water was getting ready for your favorite and only tea you had here, you wrote some documentary about the first ship load you had to check. Everything was correct and you were happy that you didn´t have to unpack it and count it manually. Your first break of the day fly past very quickly as you finished your tea, that didnt make you feel warm at all. You put the cup in the sink and went on another round of checking the boat lower deck.

As you stood up something red caught your eye in the distance, you took a few steps closer to the window, hoping you would see better at what it is. It was weird seeing something so bright in the distance, where only the gray waves were moving. But to your disappointment, you didnt got the answer, it was probably some coral from the shore. You shake your head slightly and moved to another task.

When you came up you noticed that it was already dark outside, shockingly it was the same tempetrure as throghtout the day. Which was a positive thing.

How long have I been downstairs? What time is it? I didn´t have lunch... again.

As many thoughts at the same time speed through your mind, you heard something under the boat. You just closed your eyes, taking few deep breaths to calm your nerves. You put down the paperwork and the pen you were holding. Making your way to the kitchen, youve notice that you didn´t even drank much water. Cursing yourself, you drink a half of the bottle right away. The fresh water finally hitting your needs. Refreshing shockwave going through your body. Every cell awaken and all of your sences light up. Already feeling better, taking a moment to make soup and overall just refresh yourself. As you´re finishing your food, you hear it again.

Bang.

This time is was way louder, so you took all of your courage to go out and look what it was. Sometimes you were tought, or maybe you just act before you think things through. You were terrified of the dark and most importantly what´s in it, but this time something made you go out. You were surprised by yourself, but you didnt question it, much.

When you got out you checked the boat, slowly analyzing if something is wrong.

Was it an animal? A fallen brench into the water?

"Hello?" You immidietly cursed yourself. "Im an idiot." You mumble as you walk around. "There is no more pathetic and stupid way to die then just say hello to the dark." You mumble under your breath.

After a while walking around the boat a big strike apeared on the sky. And after few second of a complete silence there was a big thunder coming, that made you run back inside. There it was the big storm you were so terrified of. It was way worse than the last time and you were hoping to survive it.

That´s a little bit dramatic, but your heart was pounding fast, your hands started to shake and even in this cold you very still incredibly sweaty, like if you just ran a marathon in the desert. After few hours of tinkinkng you´ll die, the storm suddently stopped, leaving you all tired and scared at the same time. Until youve heard another sound, it wasnt another bang, it was more like a humming.

Maybe someone from the sailors is here? But they are all men. Maybe someones wife? Again, your thoughts are running milions miles per hour.

The humming sounds so warm, like the old days, back in summer, where everything was colorfull, fuzzy and it felt generally so good in your ears. You stood up and without second guessing you step outside. There was complete silence, not a single person outside, The sun slowly coming out, trying to fight those stromy clouds that were showing the only evidence of heavy storm.

As soon as your hand laid back on the door handle a beautfiul voice start to sing a melodic song. You didnt understand it, it was some language you never heard, but you liked it, your brain might not understand the words, but your body understood the melody. And suddenly you didn´t felt cold, it was the other way around actually. Your cheeks were on fire, like you were running a fever, but you didn´t feel bad, no, you actually felt the best you ever did.

When you turn around you saw her. Unbeiebly beaitiful, goddess looking woman. Her hair was red, not like an apple red, more like a bright fire that is keeping you warm at the coldest nights. Each strand seemed to catch the sunlight that was finally going up, setting her aglow with a vibrant, fiery aura. Her green eyes were pierced at you, she was looking at you, waiting for your move. But you just stood there and watched her, your breathing started to speed up. You tried to remeber evertything about her, but as soon as your eyes fell lower, you noticed how light her skin looked. It reminded you of a fresh marble that was just ready to be cast in. But what caught your off guard the most, was her tail. You´ve never seen aynthing like that and it was very obvious, because youre face made it very well known. It was mixed feeling between shocked and amazed. The siren's tail was a fluid masterpiece, a shimmering blend of oceanic blues and greens. With each sinuous movement, it created a mesmerizing scene.

"Hey sailor." she smirked, her voice sound way raspier than it did when she sang.

"I- I- I´m not a sailor. This is uh not my uh- boat... I just work here." You stutter out, cursing yourself for seeing the prettiest woman your eyes have ever laid on and you ramble out this sentence.

"You just work here? Oh what a pity, I wanted to ask for some help." The red haired frown, which made you feel sad right away.

"I can help! I just... not my boat." You awkwardly chuckled out.

Her eyes immidietly fell back on you. "Oh really? I don´t want to bother since you´re not the sailor of this boat." Her voice sounded so soft, yet harsh at the same time. It was luring you, by every word she said, you felt different emotion each time. A good emotions.

"I mean I´m on a shift now, so teoretically I am sailor of this boat." You smiled, youre pupils were so big and you felt like you were in euhporia.

She smiled softly. Her smile could make a whole army fall to their knees. You knew it, but most imporatnly she did too. But there was only one person she want to fall on their knees. And that person was you.

"Okay then, sailor..." her raspy voice now coming lower to your body, slowly eletrucing you. "I just need a little favor, my tail..." She let out a little whine, completly changing her body language. She didn´t seem so confident, she looked so fragile and sad. And you have to help her.

"Are you hurt?!" You imidditetly walk closer to her. Crouching so youre on the same eye level. She place her hand on yours, looking at you and finally, she bonded. Her touch made you feel cold and warm at the same time. Butterflies flying everywhere not just in your stomach and her eyes. Her captivating eyes has already read you like a whole book. Her eyes were an entrancing shade of emerald, deep and captivating like the hidden depths of the sea. They held an enigmatic allure, with a hint of mischief and ancient wisdom that drew you in, ensnaring your heart and mind.

"A little-" she sigh and looks away. "-maybe you can help me get back, to safety, where no one can find us." The soft spoken woman look at you, making eye contact again, while her hand is still on yours.

"Us?" Your words caught her off guard.

"Yes, us, darling. You know, not all people are kind as you are. Youre the only one who ever made me feel safe. Youre the only one i can trust now. Youre-" she blinks a few times, leaning closer to you. "-youre my saviour. Will you help me, darling? Help us to get to safety? The world is too cruel and we need to decide right now."

This was the task you were waiting your whole life on here. Make sure she is safe, there is nothing else that is more important than this. You nod, still making eye contact.

"I will. Of course!" You nod again, taking this job very seriously, as you felt like you were born for this.

"Say it. Say what you were made to do, darling." Raspiness was now the only thing that you´ve heard. You were less and less interested in your work and your tasks before her.

Before her there was... was there anything before her?

"I will help you. I will help us get to safety." Your eyes scanned her face, hoping these words will help her.

"Thank you my darling, will you follow me? Please?" her eyes were watery, she´s holing back tears and that tears your heart.

"Yes." You say without hasitation.

"Yes, what, darling?" She asks.

"Yes, uh-" suddnely you feel this sensation, your head feels fuzzy and your view is more and more bright. Your words are caugh up in your throat, when you looked at her lips you can see them moving, but your ears cant catch the word she´s saying. But your mind does.

"Yes, mistress." you whisper back as it´s the only thing you can say.

As you closed your eyes for a second, the world around you seemed to blur and fade. The warm feeling never leaving your side.

Time itself shifted, as if you were wrapped in a comforting cocoon. The soft, rhythmic sound of waves crashing against the shore became a lullaby and there is it was again. Her singing. Her soft and heart warming singing.

When you finally stirred, it was as if you had awakened in a dream. The dimly lit cave, adorned with iridescent seashells and many other decorations, that suited the cave. And there, before you, was a siren of unparalleled beauty, her emerald eyes reflecting the cave's soft luminescence.

"Hello, darling..." she slowly moved towards you "...slept well?" her smirk grew wider as she saw your hand immidietly going between your legs as there was some unbeliveble aching you were feeling.

"I- uh huh" You only nod, not realizing that your hand is going lower on your body.

The siren´s hand falls on your cheeks as she tuck some of your falen hair behind your ear. Not even for a second breaking eye contact. Without second thinking you grab her hands and put them on your body, that was covered in your wet clothes.

"P-please!" Was all you could have said. She just chuckled and squeezed your breasts.

"You don´t even know my name and you want me to fuck you? Aww darling, youre way easier than I thought you would be. So so so easy" She tsked and suddenly, you didn´t felt her hands on you anymore.

"I don´t care!" You yelp as the aching was even worse now. Is this what drugs do to you? You just want more and more and still it isn´t enough.

The siren looked at you shocked, her hand was placed on her chest as a sign of being offended. "Darling, you don´t care what my name is? That´s rude." She pout. Tears immidietly filling her eyes. "And I thought you don´t want to hurt me, yet you´re just like the others." She looked away.

"Wait- No, no, no! Im not like the others, Im sorry! Im so sorry! I want to know your name. Oh gosh I didn´t want to be so selfish!" You grabbed her arm. "Please, tell me your name, I bet it´s beautiful just like you!"

"You think Im beautiful?" Her green eyes falling back on you.

"Very." You nod.

"It´s Natasha." She wiped her tears.

"Okay, Natasha. Im sorry for being selfish, It was really mean, let me make it up to you, please." You felt so sad, like every joy just left your body forever. Like you didn´t even experience a single happy thing in your life. Like everything was just dark.

"You´re right, you did act very selfish and mean. And you should definetly make it up to me, (Y/N)." Natasha seems so small right now, like a small fish in a big dark ocean.

"Anything you want, just please- forgive me." You basically whined at this point.

"(Y/N), you truly hurted my feelings, I don´t know. How can i trust you not hurting me again?" The horrible feeling of guilt is forming not just in your stomach, but also in your head now.

Natasha looked really hurt by your words. And you felt like if you´ll lose her, you´ll lose yourself, forever.

You squeezed her hand. "I will never. How can i prove it to you? Please..." You knew this will work. "... mistress, let me prove to you, I won´t ever hurt you and Im truly so sorry!"

Her eyes shifted, her pretty green color in her eyes just dissapeared and turned into black.

"Take of your clothes. They´re wet, you will get sick. Aren´t you cold, darling?" At her words you did feel the cold breeze. Actually you were freezing.

"Y-y-yeah, Im freezing." You said while your teeth chattered.

"Oh, darling! Clothes off, righ now!" She ordered and you did as she told. "I don´t want you catch a cold!" Her voice was caring, so caring you didn´t think you deserve it, after how mean you´ve been acting towards her.

As you stand there, completly naked the shivering didn´t end, it got even worse and your nipples could cut dimonds now.

"You´re still cold? Oh, darling, come here." She pointed at her tail. "My tail is warm, it´s gonna keep you from freezing to death." Her smile could cure everything negative thing in this world.

Without second guessing you almost jumped at her, your hand wanting to touch her tail, but you stopped yourself. "May I? Mistress?" Natasha just nodded. You hand immidietly touching her tail.

It´s so soft, oh my god and warm! So so warm.

"Sit on it, darling." She take your hands and guided you on her tail. "It will make you warm, so warm, it will end the shivers, I promise."

So you did. You sat on her tail and if you felt tingles everywhere before, then now there are tignles even in places you don´t have. Running your fingers along its sleek, supple surface was like caressing a piece of heaven. Its velvety texture and gentle, soothing warmth enveloped you in a sense of euphoria, as if you were touching a living embodiment of comfort and enchantment, a sensation that melted away all of your less important other thoughts.

Natasha noticed you´re still shivering and put her hand on your hips. "Darling, if you start to move you will stop shivering. Fast friction makes heat and you really need to be in heat now, darling." Natasha was right, her words were exactly what you needed, but you just didn´t know how.

How can I do this? I don´t want to hurt her tail.

"You won´t hurt my tail, darling. I will guide you, okay?" Her strong hands squeezed your hips and slowly made you move back and forth. "Just like that, you´re doing so good."

After a little while you start to get the hang of it and you felt that amazing friction again. Everything started to feel so good, all the lost joy, all the good feeling are back. All the happy thoughts.

"Oh my god- it´s really working!" You screamed.

"I know, darling. I can feel you on my tail. Keep going." She wispered in your ear.

You did. Oh boy, you did. You moved your hips back and forth faster and faster. And at the same time it got easier, maybe it´s the tail, or maybe it´s the fact that your juices were all over Natasha.

You definetly felt the heat.

Few moments before you came and let all of your juices on the siren´s tail, she started to sing again. In the same language you couldn´t understand before, but you can now. It´s like you know the song all your life.

"Come seek us where our voices sound,

We cannot sing alone in the dark,

And while you're searching, ponder this:

We're gonna take what you'll sorely miss,

But not for long you gonna think,

Let us help, and you won´t sink.

Your life might have been so perfect,

Too late, it's gone, it won't come back."

After the red head stopped singing, she looked at you and finally closed the gap between you two. Your first kiss was a moment of exquisite tenderness, a meeting of souls that overlap the boundaries of land and sea. As their lips brushed together, it was a gentle, captivating exchange of warmth and desire. In that soft, lingering kiss, they found a connection that was as deep and boundless as the ocean itself, a love that defied all expectations and left you utterly in her arms.

"I forgive you, darling." Natasha said and you knew, you found your life task. As she holds you close on her tail your eyes fell back into the warm fuzzy feeling, you didn´t mind be in forever.

Hope you enjoyed first day of KINKTOBER!

Thank you for reading!!!

#adele writes #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #kinktober 2023 #marvel universe #natasha romanoff smut #siren!nat #first day

399 notes · View notes

catiuskaa · 3 months

Text

new task: valentine’s day.

PAIRING! seungmin x reader ; enemies/rivals2lovers!

SUMMARY: boring classes, boring classmates, boring assignments…to seungmin, everyone is boring even if he’s used to pretend otherwise, but you seem to get on his nerves. you, your stupid poem, and his stupid letter.

WC: 10.6k (OH MY FUCKING GOD)

CW: it’s like fluffy comfort because I say so, kim seungmin supremacy (YES), use of spanglish (just on the text messages bc yes, it’s not relevant to the plot, dw), use of text format for plot convenience (and a whole bunch of emojis and colors), the reader is stupidly short (which i know all about), use of cliché valentine and enemies2lovers tropes (BECAUSE THEY ARE FUN AND THEY WORK), academic rivals (we love to see it), bad student reader x good student seungmin (like bad/mean girl x good boy ish), mentions of the unability to deal with complicated feelings, mentions of masking feelings, slight hint of bullying?, mentions of being followed, use of (pet)names because I don’t like using ‘y/n’: little one, shortie, shortcake, smallable, pretty, (yes i’m just petty like that, sue me), hyunjin as a walking therapist, and the ending is almost a reference to a show i'm obsessed with (not gonna say it so i don't spoil it for you guys hehehe)

SPECIAL THANKS! To my lovely pookies @lyramundana and @tonks-21 for ideas and support, plus also, most of the classmate’s names are thanks to gorgeous gourgeous @stayconnecteed and her spanishverse series bc i’m so invested! Go check all of their blogs out! 100% recommend. son mis chicas españolitas, hehe<3

A/N: alone on valentine’s day? same for me, pookie! but dontchu worry, mister kim seungmin is here to help us out<3 (and if not, we can always help each other😚🫶)

[☆★🌷★☆]

{PROLOGUE: THE GROUPCHAT}

At first, you didn’t really know him.

To think for a second that there was a time where you didn’t know who he was made you sigh. Oh, how you wish you had never, ever encountered him.

…Kim Seungmin.

Some may say that ‘rivals’ or ‘enemies’ is a term that could seem too intense regarding a simple statement: that you two didn’t get along.

But no. Because those kind of words were exactly how you’d define your relationship.

And it had all started the first day of your last year before graduating. When you made the class groupchat.

> you created ‘Year 13-A 😼😼’

> you added ‘lucas🤺’ ‘atenea🛐’ ‘noa🫶’ and 16 more.

> you: guys help, am I missing people?

> you: @ atenea🛐 told me to create this group for homework n stuff but idk if I have everyone’s numbers 😵‍💫😵‍💫

< noa🫶: tía you’re missing two people no?

< lara💋: hala, new people?? 👀

< noa🫶: pero- they’re literally from the other group, girl

< abril🌻: you even know them lara

< abril🌻: se te va la pinza JAJSJA

< miguel📚: sí, there should be 22 people (creo)

> you: oh right, Lix told me!

> you: yeah i’ll add them now, brb 🏃‍♀️

Well.

Rookie mistake.

> you added ‘kim seungmin™️’, ‘hyunjin🎨’

> you: omg i even added everyone

< lucas🤺: omg omg

< kim seungmin™️: omg omg so crazyy

You rolled your eyes, smiling slightly as you texted. But that was just because you hadn’t talked to him before.

Now was a different story, of course. You wouldn’t smile, not for Kim Seungmin.

> you: @ kim seungmin™️ what was crazy is how difficult it was finding someone who had your phone number, lol

< han(gry)🐿️🎙️: fr fr omg

< lucas🤺: que es omg

< lucas🤺: ‘oh me gustas’ ? omg?

< lara💋: you’re such an idiot, asshole

< lucas🤺: ohhh you love me so bad 😌😌😌

< isabel🌸: she knows better lol

< lucas🤺: dude, you’re my sister

< lucas🤺: shouldn’t you be backing me?

< isabel🌸: there’s a fee for that, dude.

You giggled at the stupid teasing, used to your mates’ shenanigans that never ceased to make you laugh.

But then, he replied.

< kim seungmin™️: @ you the only difficult thing here is you reaching graduation

…

Your smile faded.

You read that once more. Then again. And another time.

You chuckled dryly.

What was this guy on about?

> you: ah? wdym?

You remember thinking that maybe he was joking. That maybe he was someone who talked to people with a lot of harsh remarks without really meaning them. That maybe he was trying to be funny, or something.

Other texts showed up, but Kim Seungmin —named like so in the contact Felix had shared to you— wasn’t replying.

< minho🐈: guys wtf it’s 00:12

< lucas🤺: oh he uses the other clock

< lucas🤺: so its am-pm for us but not for you

< lucas🤺: think you’re special? wanna fight?

< noa🫶: lucas just shut up and go to bed

< han(gry)🐿️🎙️: damn right 🛌🛌🛌

< miguel📚: guys, stop texting 😓

> you: yeah guys lol

< minho🐈: no u started this

< minho🐈: u shush

You snickered softly, used to Minho’s humour, quickly playing along.

> you: ?! unfair ☝️🤓

< kim seungmin™️: no, minho’s right for once

< kim seungmin™️: you should shush

< kim seungmin™️: you’re less annoying when you’re quiet

You frowned at your phone, your face contorted in angry confussion.

Who did this guys think he was?

With a huff, you typed a rapid “gtg guys!”, ignoring Seungmin’s texts, and quickly settled your phone back on your pocket, getting off the bus and finally arriving home.

You groaned, the text that that Seungmin idiot had sent still rolling in your head even after you laid in bed. You passed your hands through your hair.

“Difficult to reach graduation?” You mumbled, eyes fixated ln the chatroom the sentence feeling like acid in your mouth.

Kim Seungmin wasn’t ready for how difficult his last year was going to be, solely for his stupid text message.

[☆★🌷★☆]

{ACT 1: NOT A LOVEFOOL… YET}

To be in the same class group than him was slightly tolerable.

Is what you’d like to say if you were in a good mood. But it wasn’t the case.

You were mad. As fuck.

“I just need you to give it a chance,” Miss Fernández stated once more, and you had to hold back to not roll your eyes at her.

“But Miss. I know that this subject is difficult and that he could, uh, help me out with the project,” you muttered reluctantly, because on normal circumstances, you wouldn’t go as far as to let Kim Seungmin help you with chemistry. Not ever.

You weren’t in need of help that desperatly.

And that was a fact, not a matter of ifs, buts, or maybes. That was an absolute. Something that lovely-yet-not-so-much teacher Lucía Fernández, spanish accent and all, was not getting.

“Listen. We both know that your grade is the best I can offer considering your behaviour in my class, despite of your average knowledge of the subject. And in this case, I am offering to set that aside if you work on these following assignments with your classmate Seungmin.”

Her harsh tone was also an absolute, and that made you clench your jaw. You blamed Lucas for her attitude towards you —after all, that one accident with a Bunsen Burner had been mostly his fault—, but you breathed in, trying to offer your most pity-inducing grin.

Judging by her glare, it wasn’t working.

“Miss, I—”

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t look like she was. “It’s my last word. And I think that after coming three days to my office on each of your free periods, this is getting a bit tiring.” She sighed, adjusting her glasses by a soft push of her finger.

Nope. She definetely wasn’t sorry.

Witholding a groan you left her office, and huffed as the door closed behind you, swiftly heading to meet your group of friends when they got out of their Biology lesson in other building within the school grounds.

It was a chilly evening, maybe not too much from what one could expect for the first week of February, still one that made you hide your face in your scarf and you hands in your jacket pockets.

You settled your headphones where they belonged, humming to the music to hold back the need to rant and rave against your chemistry teacher, when your phone dinged.

< henry li🫧: everything ok? saw you in lucifer’s office rn

< henry li🫧: did you do smth again? you cheekyyy 🙊

You gingerly laughed, and started typing out your answer, when, out of nowhere, you bumped against someone, making all of the books that they were carrying fall down of their grasp.

You pursed your lips, then pressed them in a thin line. Staring at their— his back, you saw that his backpack was almost empty. Why the fuck would he carry all of his books on his hands then?

The guy had quickly bent down to get his books back, and you followed too, taking your headphones off and quickly trying to prevent the papers from getting wet because of the floor, that was damp from the rain before, when your hands softly brushed against each other, still, you forced yourself to ignore it.

“I’m so…” the word dissapeared in your mouth.

“It’s ok, don’t… oh.” He blinked, his face showing nothing. For fuck’s sake.

Why did it always have to be him?

He swiftly took all of the things from you, as if your touch could be worse than the wet floor. You frowned, feeling a cold shiver trail up your spine, and you crossed your arms in front of you, struggling to seek some warmth.

“Watch it, little one.” He mocked with a light smirk. “I might accidentally step on you one day.”

You looked at him through your eyelashes. What. An. Idiot. You passed a hand through your hair, chuckling dryly.

“I-,” you sighed, shaking your head sideways. “Nah, you know what? I don’t have time for this crap.” You smiled at him widely, full of sarcasm.

But just when you were about to leave, you felt a tug at your sleeve, the fabric of your shirt not thick enough to hide the warmth of Seungmin’s grasp on your forearm. You frowned, confused at the lack of any uncomfortable feelings because of it. There was none, but rather a need to cover yourself with it and wear it like a jacket.

“Did you fix it?”

You blinked, trying to get your brain to focus on his words.

“Huh?”

He rolled his eyes, but his hand didn’t move an inch. “You said you were going to talk to Miss Fernández so we wouldn’t be partners, which is, well, so mature, congratulations,” he tsked, but then continued. “But did it work?”

You licked your lips and swallowed, your throat feeling dry. What was going on? You needed to focus.

In a harsh motion, you moved your arm away from his grasp. You forced yourself to ignore how your skin missed it.

“I… no. She settled. You- I mean… we…” the word felt awkward when it rolled off your tongue.

We? There was no such thing in between Seungmin and you. No we, no us, no nothing. And it was like that for a reason. One that you had almost forgotten with how softly his slender and warm hand had been holding your forearm. Ugh.

As you struggled to say those infamous words, your phone dinged again, and you mumbled a short “oh, wait,” and unlocked it.

< henry li🫧: leaving me on read, shortcake?

Seungmin stared at your phone, shoving his hands on his pockets when he saw you smile at the bright screen. He bit his lower lip. He hadn't taken all of his stuff out of his backpack just for this.

“So,” he licked his lips, and it almost shocked you the sudden roughness on his tone and demeanour. “Chemistry is easy. We can meet up on Friday in the public library. An hour or two should be enough, even for someone with a fun-sized brain like yours.” He chuckled meanly, the motherfucker.

Ever since that stupid text from him, you had made it your mission to surpass him, or at least reach his level, and to be honest, you were even succeding in some cases, like philosophy, art history, spanish, technical drawing and business studies. But Chemistry?

Chemistry would always kick you in the ass.

Before you were able to come up with a comeback for his stupid snicker, the bell rang, and you felt an arm laying its weight on your shoulders.

“Smallable!” Lucas laughed, then realized that you were talking to a certain someone and ful Ty ly gasped. “Oh my god. Are you two finally dating and I interrupted— AH!” He was interrupted by your elbow hitting his side. Noa and Atenea chuckled behind him.

“No. Seungmin was just leaving.” You huffed with a frown, but then you smiled, almost excessively, like a small maniac. “Right?”

But before he was able to reply or mock you, Atenea spoke, ruining your chances of kicking him away.

“But we all have English now,” she said, and if it had been someone else, like Lucas, you would’ve stepped on his shoe or something. “We’re going to the same place, we can go together.”

Seungmin felt you stare intensively at him. He smiled at Atenea, finding that he enjoyed having you look at him, reason why he loved annoying the shit out of you.

“Sure!” He smiled politely, almost sheepishly, and you bit your lip to hold back the need to scoff at his 'obviously fake' kindness.

Because except for you, the rest of your class —heck, probably the rest of the school— were smitten with Kim Seungmin.

Top of the class, funny, kind, and cutely introverted Kim Seungmin was just a dorky student who tried to get along with everyone.

But that was wrong. And you may not have any proof aside from his mean attitude towards you and only you, but you knew it.

Seungmin had to be more than just a pretty boy with high grades, and it was only with you that he proved you right.

You stayed next to Lucas, hoping that Seungmin would at least stay with your friends and ignore you.

But to your horror, he smiled at you, a pink dust on his cheeks. “If you don’t mind?”

Oh, son of a bitch.

“No… it’s whatever.” You huffed.

Because against his dorky self, to the rest of your class —heck, to the rest of the school— you were the quote on quote “bad student.”

Troublesome, mean, class clown? Check. You laughed at teachers in class with Lucas far more than what could be ignored, the dresscode had always been more of a guide in what to wear, unlike what most students usually followed, and you may have been expelled a bunch of times.

Even if you were somewhat kind to the people in school, and even if they all knew your rivalry with Seungmin, God forbid you were mean to him.

You wouldn’t see the end of it.

And he knew it.

Bitch.

So there you were, walking to English class with your friends plus innocent Seungmin —who no one had called, not even the ghostbusters—, who was snickering and giggling with Atenea about who-gives-a-shit. Something class-related. You couldn’t be bothered to listen.

Lucas chuckled next to you.

“Careful, Spongebob.” He laughed. “Some could say you seem jealous.”

…WHAT?!

“Of… of Kim Seungmin?” You snorted. “Are you on drugs?”

He ruffled your hair. “Sure, sure, keep lying to yourself, shortie.”

Finally, you arrived to class, but before you stepped inside, Seungmin stopped you, whispering in your ear.

“Yeah, shortie.” He teased, his lips almost grazing the shell of your ear. “Don’t be too jealous. We wouldn’t want everyone to know you love me.”

His whisper would’ve been almost enticing if it weren’t for the fact that it was Kim Seungmin the man in question, and he snickered, pushing his glasses back.

But then someone cleared his throat behind you two.

“Care to sit down? I don’t have all day.” Mister Holmes grunted, carrying a monster drink and a coffe at the same time.

That mas was slightly terryifing.

You squinted at Seungmin and then walked to your place at the back of the class, hoping that your cheeks felt warm because of how the teacher had startled you and definetely not your classmate’s honey-like voice.

“Pssst. Heeey,” Noa smiled teasingly, whispering with a smirk. “Pssst. You’re blushing…!”

“Shut up!” You frowned at her, but you were unable to hold back a smile. But it was because of your friend Noa. Not Kim Seungmin.

Mr Holmes cleared his throat, and finished off his monster, throwing it to the bin.

“So. I’ve been hearing from some students in the hallways that you’re all excited for saint valentines’ day.” He stated in a strong voice, one that filled the class with little to no effort. “And sadly so, I was thinking of putting an exam that Wednesday…” he faked a sigh, and you had to hold back a laugh, contrary to the frowns and groans that appeared in your classmates faces. Pfft, what a character. “Unless… you guys want to do something in true valentines fashion.”

Mr Holmes crossed his arms, laying back on his chair, his stare cold and face lacking any kind of emotions.

“Say… any ideas, Mr… Kim?”

Seungmin sat up straight at his name being mentioned, and you rolled your eyes, holding back a mocking smirk.

“I ugh… I wouldn’t want to bother my classmates with a lot of work, sir… but maybe… maybe a writing assingment related to the topic would be… enough?” Seungmin stated, his tone soft and shy, and there was even a blush that trailed up from his neck, but he stayed staight and firm as he spoke.

“A valentine-themed task.” Mr Holmes enunciated as he pondered. “It’s a… decent idea. Any complaints?”

You felt some of your classmates’ eyes on you, and you sighed, crossing your arms in front of you, remaining silent. As long as it wasn’t an exam, you’d accept whatever.

“With that settled, I’ll upload the task online this afternoon, but it’ll have to be written by hand. Be sure to hand in a picture of your assignment on time, or your final grade will be affected.” The teacher turned on his laptop, and started taking assistance.

[☆★🌷★☆]

Time had passed dreadfully slowly, until the bell rang and Mr Holmes dissmissed all of you so everyone could leave for the day.

“A valentine-themed task.” You huffed in annoyance as you stuffed your locker with books you weren’t going to take home.

“I thought it was original.” A voice snickered lowly behind you, and you slapped your locker close, smiling at him.

“Well, Henry. It’s no surprise your taste sucks.”

You chuckled when he rolled his eyes.

“I was waiting for your reply,” he mentioned with a soft tone.

You closed your locker, and you two started walking together. “Oh, sorry, I totally forgot,” you apologized with a smile, but he brushed it off. “Yeah, I was with Lucifer earlier. She’s making me work with Seungmin for this term’s assignments.”

Henry frowned. “And we hate that guy… right…” you chuckled.

“Exactly. We don’t like him.”

“So then, don’t do it. You were going to meet him to study, right?” You nodded, smirking slightly at him.

“We agreeded to meet on Friday to start, in the library.” You added, watching his smirk widen. “What are you thinking?”

He stopped walking, smiling at you. “There’s this club that opened recently. Been wanting to go have a look. Apparently, it’s like exclusive and shit. And it’s Friday.” His light-coloured eyes shined as he looked at you. “Meet me there?”

You grinned cheekily.

“Sure. Can’t wait.”

[☆★🌷★☆]

You hadn’t noticed Seungmin on the school bus until this year.

Because he had made himself noticeable, sitting at the back of the bus, a couple seats away from you, but oh, dorky Seungmin was always friend of everyone, sheepishly starting conversation with any kinds of people in the bus, no matter the year they were in.

Before his text, you had even thought he was cute as he gingerly chatted with a group of kids who were probably starting high school.

“Is it too difficult?” A little girl asked.

And it surprised you how he turned to her and smiled, almost tugging at your heart strings, eyes like crescent moons.

“It’s only difficult if you stop trying. And we don’t give up, right?” He stated cheerfuly, and all the kids shined at his sheepish and bashful brightness, high-fiving the girl that talked to him.

You forced yourself to shove those memories to the back of your mind. That Seungmin wasn’t real. And you didn’t like him. The real him. Right?

“Oi, Kim Seungmin.” You called, as it was only you two left on the bus.

He was surprised at your call, but only side-eyed at you, lazily raising his brows, signalling that he was listening. You frowned.

See? You thought to yourself. He’s mean. He isn’t sweet, nor cute. Focus.

“What kind of lame ass idea was that?” You huffed with a mean smile. “A valentine-themed assignment.” You snorted.

His bus stop was close, so he ignored you as he picked up his coat and backpack, but you kept on talking. “You know? Hallmark office called, they want their boring clichés back,” you mocked, laughing.

Backpack on and coat hanging on his arm, he stared at you, and waited for a red light to walk to your seat.

He settled next to you, still staring at you as you chimed mean remarks about his originality and such and such.

“Anything else to mumble? I couldn’t hear you from down there.” He snorted meanly, and you were too focused on annoying him that you didn’t notice his stare at your lips as he licked his own.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re such a lame guy. He gave you the chance to choose, and you chose that piece of—?!”

His lips tasted as sweet as his voice that day with those little kids.

You felt his hand slowly creep up and cradle your face, his eyes closed as he kissed you, and slowly, your eyes closed too.

It was sweet. So sweet. But what was it? It was a flavour that you knew. Its sweetness was so familiar, but you couldn’t seem to figure out what was it.

You kissed him back, and he let out a surprised whine as you sighed, your hands, which had been frozen on his shoulders, waiting for your order to push him away, slowly followed up and remained on his face, your thumbs almost stroking his cheeks.

You wanted needed to know what he tasted like.

But it was when your hands went into his hair that he sighed too, melting under your touch, that your brain clicked.

…

what were you doing?

…

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!

You pushed him away, and your breath hitched.

He didn’t look like fake Seungmin.

In front of you was not the innocent boy who had straight A’s and was shy enough to not be able to say no to a lot of things, who sheepishly spoke up in class, or who treated everyone with a bashful kindness that was so endearing.

This Seungmin was different. His glasses had a bit of a fog in them, his hair was all messed up, and his lips were plush, pink from your tinted gloss and slightly swollen from your kiss.

This Seungmin was a wreck, all flustered and kissable, and he looked like a mess.

But it felt real.

And for a second, you wanted to kiss him again, yearning to figure what that kiss tasted like, the word for it almost in the tip of your tongue.

He panted, struggling to catch his breath.

“Finally,” he huffed with a smile, but his dark eyes didn’t match the mocking in his tone. A small part of your mind thought that they looked prettier than any light eyes you had ever seen. “So you were able to shut up, after all.” He gulped, still panting.

He moved away from you slowly, as you remained there, frozen, like a piece of art in front of him, cheeks blushed, lips flushed and parted as your eyes stared at him, an emotion much different from this evening.

He found himself enjoying this one even more.

“Eh… T-this is my bus stop.” He muttered when the bus stopped. Maybe it wasn’t, but he didn’t care. He felt like he would have the energy to run home if needed. “I-I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

You blinked as he stood up and walked away.

What…

What had just happened?

[☆★🌷★☆]

{ACT 2: UNDER THE STREETLIGHT}

After avoiding Seungmin like the plague all Thursday, only looking at his back when you zoned off in class, Friday arrived earlier than expected.

You hadn’t been able to concentrate at all, the thought of his sweet taste lingering in your mouth, almost letting you feel the ghost of his lips pressed against yours.

“Hello? Earth to… oh, you’re awake, Jesus.” Abril looked at you with a smile, but she was unable to hide her worried look.

“Of course I am,” you mumbled, shaking your head sideways. “What’s going on?”

“You haven’t even touched your delicious and totally-not-overcooked pasta.” Lara mentioned the cafeteria lunch as she poked it whith her fork, full of humour. “It leads to believe that you’re dealing with something far more interesting that the technical drawing homework, that’s for sure.”

You bit your lip, hesitating.

“Is it because Henry Li has been ignoring you?” Noa mentioned softly.

You blinked, puzzled. “Huh?”

He’d been ignoring you? Now that she had mentioned, maybe that could’ve happened. Maybe you would’ve realized if you hadn’t been so focused on Seungmin and whatever-happened-that-cannot-and-should-not-be-remembered-every-five-minutes…

…or maybe you should look for an easier name for it.

“Uh, no, he invited me to this new place today, actually,” you brushed your hair with your hand mindlessly. “But I’m fine. Really. Just tired.” You smiled at the girls, and joined in at their conversation.

After lunch, you separated from Lara and Noa, who had literature, and Abril, who had been hanging out with a guy called Jeongin from her photography club recently, and so you headed to the study room.

It was a quiet place, quieter that what you had initially expected for a high school study room. Matter of fact, you thought it was a pity that the school closed it after class, considering that in that case you wouldn’t have to walk to the public library.

You opened the door silently, finding that there were barely any students, only three or four people studying silently. You were heading towards a lonely corner so you could listen to music in a high volume without having to pay attention if it could be heard through your headphones. Or maybe, considering that it hadn’t been a lie and that you had slept like four hours maximum, you could probably rest there until the bell rang.

You snickered when you looked to your right, finding someone struggling with the technical drawing homework that had been assigned that morning, the one that Lara and Noa had been talking about.

You gently tapped the guy’s shoulder, but spoke before he even turned.

“You’re missing this incline here,” you whispered on his ear, your arms coming above his shoulders, placing your hands above his, placing the square and bevel on the right angle. “It should be seen, but with dotted lines, get it? That way the side-view makes sense.” You added with a soft giggle.

“Oh, right. T-thank you…” he mumbled, not facing you.

You brushed it off as weird, but your sleepy self wasn’t bothered enough to notice or pry, and instead smiled, ruffled his hair and settled in your cozy little corner, placing your scarf in between your arms and rested your head on it, merely “resting your eyes”, but only if a teacher happened to come and check on the students.

Seungmin stared at your sleeping figure, eyes almost wide. He felt like his heart was going to explode underneath the layers of flesh. His hands tingled, his usually warm and sweaty palms missing the comfortable coldness of yours, so soothing and relaxing.

Either you had completely gone crazy, or he had fallen asleep trying to complete the stupid assignment. He knew you were good at technical drawing, it was one of the subjects were he wasn’t. It wasn’t a surprise when several students started asking you for help on their papers and assignments, considering that you were one of the few who was able to receive praise from the teacher, a middle-aged man with no kind of vocation with kids or teaching, by any means.

But it had never happened when he was the one in need of help, had you ever considered the idea of helping him.

He watched you, puzzled, as he had never done before, and maybe it would be the first time of many because Seungmin found himself liking what he was seeing, dare I say mesmerized by the image before him.

By you.

Your sleepy figure was as calm as he had ever seen from you, sleeping with little to no care in the world. Your hair remained stuck in a ponytail, which allowed Seungmin to notice that it left the skin of your neck visible, and despite the voice on his head saying that it was a behaviour quite like a man from the Modern Ages, just being so fixated at that small bit of skin, he couldn’t help but feel bashfully amazed.

Suddenly, he noticed you licked your lips, your eyes still closed and your small smile never faltering, but that made something start to flutter in his stomach, as if a whole lot of butterflies had been awaken at the sight of you, tranquil, and sweet, and cute, and he forced himself to stop looking at you abruptly, wondering why he had done that in the first place.

Licking your lips only made Seungmin aware of how dry his were, and action plus the thought of your lips immediately brought back what had happened on Wednesday.

Crazy. He’d gone completely crazy.

He felt his hand slowly approach his lips and he grazed them with his fingers, almost able to taste your chapstick back on his lips. Because he had been able. All Wednesday night. And a small part of him wanted more of it.

He blushed, scratching his eyes. He hadn’t slept shit, his mind betraying him every time he attempted to close his eyes instantly going back to the memory of how you stared at him after your kiss, dark pupils, and red lips, and so ridiculously gorgeous that it made Seungmin wonder why whenever he saw you he resorted to his first line in code: being mean.

He never used that side with anyone. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t tried, because small, teasing and slightly unhinged Kim Seungmin had tried to be himself in middle school, and… well.

Let’s just say that it didn’t work like expected.

But everyone loved dorky, funny and sweet Seungmin. Even with the difference with grades, that had definetely not been appreciated in his early years, nowadays people would see that as a part of him, and he recieved praise for it, not only from teachers, but also nice classmates, who sometimes went to seek help from him.

He just needed to pretend for a bit. Smile here and there, and put on a sheepish act of bashfulness that despite it not being natural, it wasn’t totally bad. It wasn’t like middle school.

But then you came in the picture.

Something about you made Seungmin want to tease you. To see you finally look at him after battling in your head if you even should, and then, sometimes when you were mad enough, you’d glare at him, and he couldn’t help but grin. Your cheeks flushed in anger that creeped up your body, how you looked at him through your lashes or how you’d tease him back. The first time you had done that, his brain’s chemistry had changed, he was sure of that.

He didn’t care about the mean remarks, and that now seemed almost obvious, considering what had happened almost two days ago in the school bus.

But it got impossible to miss when Seungmin noticed your sleepy self shivering in your slumber. With a mental groan, careful of not making any kind of loud noise in the study room, he slowly got closer to your corner, and tried to close the windows near it. And failed, because the stupid windows were old and rusty, only able to move them a bit.

He bit his lip, arguing in his head. Would that be enough? No, it probably wasn’t, right? Yeah, it couldn’t be. Considering that you always wore thin clothing, always borrowing your mates’ jackets…

…it couldn’t possibly hurt to do a bit more, right?

Seungmin approached you further, and shook a hand close to your face, but you were dead, as still as a fallen tree, despite the sunlight that enetered throught the windows glowing on your face, the Sun in winter, that brought little to no warmth, made you shine in his eyes.

He’d see you in the public library a couple of hours later. It didn’t mean anything. He could probably tease you for sleeping in school later. Yeah. And then he’d ask for his jacket back.

Seungmin was lost in his thoughts as he carefully settled his jacket over your shoulders, and he froze when you sighed deeply, surrounded by a familiar warmth and a cozy scent that you didn’t know you had missed or needed until then, but you didn’t wake up.

He blinked when he noticed your phone in your hand, the screen suddenly turning on. He giggled at your wallpaper, which had a silly joke on it and a funny doodle of a banana.

But then his eyes trailed down to the notification that had made the phone turn on.

[3 new messages from: henry li🫧]

> sorry i didn’t get to see u yesterday, had to sort smth out!

> guys.its.totally.a.real.address.wdym.lol

> it’s the address for later, shortcake 😉❤️

…huh?

Seungmin blinked once. Twice. Nah, his glasses had to be deceiving him. Then, another notification popped up.

> can’t wait to see you ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

He winced silently.

Ugh. What a cringy choice of emojis.

Did you really like this guy?

He frowned, going back to his place in the study room.

Ugh.

He didn’t care, obviously. Why would he care? That wasn’t his business. Never was, never would be. Not like he was interested. Pffft, no. Not at all. Yeah, nah. That kiss had been a one time thing. Totally. 100%. He wasn’t thinking about it again. Nope. Nor did he want to kiss you again. Not in a chance.

Just… ugh.

It was just that… no. Scratch that. No further comments.

He sighed as he went back to his work, feeling a sudden inspiration hit him as he took out a blank paper for the English class valentine’s assignment, but not before he looked at you again, then shook his head, turning the music back on in his headphones. He started writing, drafting, and throwing papers away, getting slightly desperate at his perfectionism.

He sighed. His eyes trailed off towards you.

Slowly, words started to flow in his head. Pretty sentences, things that he had kept hidden in the back of his mind. Maybe it could be good to let it all out. It couldn’t hurt. Yeah.

So he stared writing. Vomiting word after word. And he finished earlier than expected, with two papers.

One was perfect for the english assignment. It was boring and dull enough to be handed in for a school work, but good enough for his perfectionism.

And the other… was something different.

Something that had only happened because you were there, in front of him.

He stood up, letter on his hand. He leaned against the table you were sleeping in, and settled the jacket further on your shoulders. He sighed, grabbing a pen from his pencil case, folding the letter and signed it.

Maybe it was a bad idea, he thought as he picked up his stuff from the table and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

He looked at your figure once more before heading out.

It had been to check if you were still asleep, of course.

Just to check.

Yeah.

[☆★🌷★☆]

Your phone vibrated in your hand again.

And again.

With a groan, you silently accepted that there was no way you could fool an inanimate object into believing that you were still asleep.

But when you yawned and looked around and didn’t find the posters in your room, but rather a whole bunch of tables and chairs, your eyes widened.

It hadn’t been your alarm but a phone call that had awoken you.

“Y-yeah?” You mumbled, picking up the call and quickly taking your backpack and scarf and rushing out of the study room, taking a quick scan and making sure you weren’t leaving anything behind.

“I’m heading to the club now, shortcake.” A low voice greeted. “Are you getting ready?”

Who…?

“H-henry?” You frowned slightly.

You heard him snicker through the other side. “Yeah?”

Fuck, shit, fuck.

“N-nothing! Nothing, I, uh, I was just doing my make up. Y-you know.”

What? You frowned, even more this time. No, that didn’t make any sense. You always blabbered about how you never did your make up for clubbing because the one you owned was cheap and never stayed on anyways.

“Sure, yeah.”

It didn’t seem like he had noticed.

“You can head there before me. I’ll go there eventually, yeah?”

You heard him snicker on the other side of the phone call. “Ok, baby.” He cleared his throat, stuttering a bit. “Y-yeah, I mean, I’ll uh… get there in a bit. Don’t rush.”

Only then you felt that the wind from outside wasn’t freezing your bones like usual. You squinted at the jacket you were wearing.

“Henry, did you…?” But he hung up.

It probably was him. Yeah. That’s why he had called you. To make sure you’d wake up.

Besides, there were little to no people who’d do such a kind gesture towards you, and even if the jacket was pretty much your style and it smelled like heaven, it didn’t feel like something any of the girls would keep around.

So, why didn’t it made you feel giddy that Henry had given you his jacket?

You kept on running through the hallways and catched the bus that was usually there for students who had extracurricular classes, unlucky people who had to stay in school late in Fridays. You never had, using Fridays to be a bit lazy or to start homework sooner just to hand it in earlier than Seungmin.

Oh.

Friday.

Seungmin.

The library.

You bit your nails, staring through the window.

Would he wait there for long?

What was he going to do once he figured you weren’t going to show up?

Were you… feeling guilty?

No… that… that couldn’t be, you chuckled dryly. Mean decisions against Kim Seungmin didn’t spend too much time on the judgmental side of your brain. You just… teased him back. And he’d take it. And double it. And so on.

So why did this feel too mean?

Could it be because of whatever-happened-that-cannot-and-should-not-be-remembered-every-five-minutes?

Could the fact that it had been the best thing that had happened in a long while?

Well, fine.

Not just ‘thing’.

A kiss.

And for fuck’s sake, what kiss.

You groaned and grunted, sprinting home as soon as the bus stopped.

Why did it always have to be him?

You entered your room and burst open your closet. The jacket was cool, you thought. And if you were going to see Henry, you could just wear it and hand it back to him in the club.

It was vintage, but its warmth engulfed you as if it had been handmade. Its funky designs and patterns looked cute, and its grey color contrasted well with it. You chose the first dress you saw, a tight black dress with no sleeves that you would’ve discarded as too short if you had more time, but it wasn’t exactly something you could’ve bragged about.

Jacket, dress, high socks, boots, wallet, phone, keys, headphones… yeah. You nodded, checking all of the boxes in your mental list, and started hurriedly walking to the address he had sent.

You hoped you weren’t going to be too late.

[☆★🌷★☆]

“Pick up, pick up, pick up…”

“The number you are trying to call is turned off or out of coverage. Please, leave your message after the—”

You hang up, tired of hearing that mechanic voice over and over again.

You looked around you, and there was nothing that looked like a club. You had tried to enter the building that the address lead to, but it hadn’t got well.

A strange figure opened a small window and gave you a look, almost disgusted. It took you a second to understand that they were wearing a mask, with dark lace and other colours. But just when you were about to speak, the window slammed close.

You blinked, puzzled. Where the fuck was Henry sending you? What kind of club was this?

You had started to roam around the building, trying to call him —and failing misserably, because the damn guy couldn’t pick up the fucking phone for the life of him—, but now you were starting to run out of ideas.

It was past 12pm, your legs shivered with every slight wind that swooshed your way, and there was no one that was going to pick up the phone. Not Henry, that ridiculous imbecile, not Lucas, who always bragged about having his phone in night mode, so nothing would get to him until morning, and not the girls, because Noa had her phone turned off, Atenea was most likely sleeping, Abril and Lara hadn’t picked up either, and your list of close friends who could possibly pick up was… that.

And no one was picking up the fucking phone.

You were about to keep on ranting about how disgustingly bad this was turning out to be, but you heard footsteps coming your way. You looked around, but didn’t find the source. With a frown, you walked to the building again

Placing your hand on one of the windows, who were dark and almost impossible to see through, you could notice that in the dim light from what could be seen outside, Henry was well entertained with a certain kind of company, so much that he couldn’t even pick up your phone.

You closed your eyes and leaned your forehead against the tinted glass. Of course. Yeah. That made total sense. It was Henry, after all. He had always been known to be kind of an asshole anyways. It couldn’t possibly come out as a surprise the fact that he actually was.

You shook your head and mentally mocked him and the blond girl he was kissing.

Henry Li could go to Hell.

Guess there was nothing left to do now. You had dumped Seungmin, and Henry had dumped you. It was an ass move over an ass move. Maybe you kinda deserved it.

But then your thoughts ended in a halt, because you swore you could feel a shadow starting to follow you from a distance.

They were behind you, but not too close, and due to their hoodie it was imposible to distinguish their face.

So you started walking. Turning left. Right. Left again. Right. Just kept on walking. Don’t look behind you. They’d probably just leave. This had to be your imagination, 100%.

But when you took a peak, the silhouette was not only still behind you, slowly walking towards you, but a slight bit closer this time.

You swallowed dry, gulped, even. Your heart tightened in your chest. What kind of joke was this? Your eyes were tearing up. You were tired, and this was mental. Adrenaline rumped through your body, and even if you were already lost, you kept on walking.

You took your phone from your pocket. Think, think, think. Who could you call? Who could pick up at one am? You scrolled down your list of contacts, until for a reason you don’t fully get, your eyes stopped at a certain name.

—> seungmeannie

It couldn’t possibly hurt to try… right?

You sniffed almost silently, and pressed call.

One beep.

Two beeps.

Three beeps.

You started crying a bit louder, unable to hold it back.

“Eh, hi…?”

“S-seungmin!” You sobbed, smiling. It was the first time in your life you had been that happy just from being able to hear his voice, raspy and low.

“W-what?” He stopped talking, and you guessed that it was because he hadn’t figured out who was calling him so late at night. “Do you know what time it is, you fun-sized dingus?” He groaned sleepily at the phone.

You bit your lip and sniffed.

“Wait. Are you… crying?” His tone had changed.

“I-i’m sorry about t-this eve-ening.” You sobbed, failing to hold back the tears, hugging the jacket that was still on your shoulders.

“Are you drunk, little one?” You never thought your shoulders could relax as fast as they had when his soft tone of voice called you that stupid nickname.

“N-no, I… I went to this stupid club, with-“

“With Henry, yeah.” The way he said his name, as if he wanted to put that stupid bitch in a box and send him to the end of the world took you by surprise.

“B-but um, he’s not picking up my phone and I…” you gulped. Taking a peek behind you, you shivered. “I think someone’s following me.”

“Wait, what?” Seungmin had never stood up from bed as fast as he had done that night. “Where are you?” He asked to the phone as he randomly picked a sweater and his glasses, biting his lip as he struggled to put on his shoes.

“I… I don’t know.” You sobbed. “I started walking away so he’d go, but it didn’t work.” You mumbled, sniffing. You felt so stupid.

“Everything’s going to be fine, yeah?” It was the first time in the whole afternoon that you felt like that statement could be true. Because Seungmin was going to help you. “Don’t hang up. Tell me what buildings can you see. Try heading away from small alleys. I’ll find you.”

Seungmin rushed out of his appartment, not before scribbling down what was happening in a post it note and left it on his mother’s bedside table.

“T-there are some restaurants, but they’re all closed.” You started, dubious as how was this going to work. “There’s a road to my left.”

“Can you name any of the restaurants, little one?” Seungmin had a hunch, and he huffed, sprinting to the plaza closest to his appartment.

“I just passed by a Mexican, I think.” You sniffed, Seungmin’s soothing voice working like a charm and calming you down slowly. “In front of me, I think this is a Japanese… it’s called Ginza.”

Seungmin chuckled, feeling relief flooding his body. “Y-yeah, ok! I- god, yes, I know where you are. Keep walking straight ahead. There should be a park, right?” He started running, hiding the fact that he’d have to rush and make the usual fifteen minutes it could take him to arrive where you were and make them five.

He needed to see you and make sure you were safe.

“I… shit, yeah! I can see it!” You went back to crying, a smile planted in your features.

“I’m almost there. You’re doing so well, little one.”

You felt your cheeks getting warmer at that. Walking a bit faster, you looked behind you, finding that the silhouette was still there.

But Seungmin was close. Seungmin said everything would be fine.

“S-seungmin?” You mumbled at the phone, wanting to hear his voice, so soothing and warm.

“Under the streetlight, silly.”

You heard the beep that sounded when Seungmin ended the call, but he was there, tangible, a couple of meters away from you.

You chuckled, happy to see him for the first time ever, and crying away the pent up stress and worry, you ran off to him, and clung your arms around his neck tightly, unbothered at the need to stand on the tips of your toes to do so.

Seungmin stuttered, still panting from the marathon he had ran to get there, 100% baffled at this. But it was ok. You were there. You were safe.

“T-they’re still behind me.” You whispered against his chest.

He could feel your nervousness on your tone, how scared you were judging by how strongly your arms closed behind his neck, and hesitated for a second before hugging you back, his arms pulling you closer by your lower back, keeping you grounded and so weirdly safe in his grasp, and it felt so strangely comforting coming from him that your eyes swelled with more tears.

You couldn’t see or feel the person behind you anymore, but Seungmin did, somewhat clearly.

The only thing that his mind made up that moment is that for the person to leave, they’d have to believe you two did know each other.

And Seungmin’s heart beated loudly in his chest when your grasp loosened and you stood back on your feet, allowing him to see how your lip trembled, how you were holding back tears and how you looked at him with a million emotions hidden in the colour of your eyes. He had never seen you cry before.

His hands itched to touch you again, a sudden need to comfort you that overwhelmed him.

So he did.

His hands cradled your cheeks, his thumbs brushing away your tears, and he pecked your lips softly, smiling at your baffled face. His arms engulfed you in a comforting hug that smelled so much like the jacket you were wearing.

He looked behind you, and the silhouette was nowhere to be found. As if it had never been there before.

“It’s ok.” Seungmin whispered in your ear. “I’m here now. You’re safe. They’re gone, yeah?” His arms rested on your shoulders as his slender hands stroked your hair. “No one’s gonna hurt you now, pretty.”

And you started to cry on his shoulder, because not only then you realized how bad you had needed a hug, and not even the fact that it had been a hug from him that you had secretly yearned for, but because none of your excuses made sense now.

There was no ‘fake’ or ‘real’ Seungmin.

Whatever he was, fake or not, stood in front of you as he hugged you under the streetlight.

And you sighed as he cooed at you softly, because deep down you had known for a while.

It was time you came to terms with it.

[☆★🌷★☆]

{ACT 3: WINDOWS, LETTERS AND POEMS}

Wednesday. 9:56 am. 14th February.

Most of your classmates were still arriving from their next class as you stared at two papers in your hands slightly from afar, pencil in your lips.

You had discarded most of your creations all Monday and Tuesday when you finally ended with a draft you liked for the stupid english homework. It was nothing out of the ordinary.

But the letter in your other hand, however, was something you had never done before.

“What’s that you got there?”

Any kind of bubbly and nervous emption you had vanished at the sound of that low voice.

“Fuck off, Li.” You grunted in a husky tone, frowning at him and grabbing back the letter from his hands.

“Is it a love letter for me?” He chuckled, ignoring your behaviour.

“Why the fuck would I write that, huh?” You laughed, a chuckle full of acid, one that had much more hatred that you had ever said before.

Henry brushed a hand through his hair, and you couldn’t help but think he looked stupid. You had liked this guy? Ugh.

“Because today is valentine’s day, shortcake.”

You squinted and frowned at him.

“Swishing those dyed and damaged locks like a Loreal advert won’t make anyone fall in love with you.” You snorted, and realized the people in the hallway had fallen into silence, listening to your conversation. “Or maybe it worked with that blond girl in the club?” You pretended to ponder out loud, leaning against the locker behind you, facing him with confidence.

“Wait, what?” He mumbled.

You snickered, taking him by surprise. “Oh, silly. I was never going to date you. I kept hearing that you were an ass and figured that was right, because aside from me, little to no people talked to you. I guess I just felt pityful.” You faked a pout.

He clenched his fists, his shoulders tense.

“You’re lying.” He grunted.

You chuckled. “You wish I was. That blond girl didn’t steal my man. She stole my problem.” You heard some gasps from the people in the corridor, as they had formed some kind of circle around you two.

But then, Henry snorted, and cleared his throat, talking with a much louder voice. “So you’re not going to let everyone know about you and Seungmin?” He smirked. “I feel like that’s a bit unfair. Making it seem like I’m the bad guy and all.”

You tried hard to make it seem like that hadn’t surprised you. You were so surprised by it that you didn’t have time to react when he yanked your letter from your hand.

“Such sweet words, all dedicated to him,” he mocked. “I think these people want to know.”

“Give it back!” You clenched your jaw, your eyes dull with embarassment.

Even if he wasn’t as tall as Seungmin, there was still a decent difference between you and him. And with a sly grin, he raised the paper above your head.

You licked your lips, anger filling your body.

“Give. It. Back.”

But then he started reading.

“I looked at him as if he were the Sun, in that I never looked at him except in frustration.” He read out loud, moving the paper from your reach everytime you tried to reach. “I seeked his warmth, I complained when he was gone, but I never looked, not until I noticed he was leaving, and in the beauty of the sunset, I wondered how I had never seen him before.”

You stared at the floor, a blush spreading through your cheeks, coming from your neck.

“And that’s basically what happened.” You mumbled to Abril and Lucas over at a bench in the school grounds, hours after that whole thing had happened.

“What?!” You flinched at Abril’s loud voice. “I’m going to kill him. I am so going to murder that nasty ass bitch.” She threatened to stand up, but Lucas grabbed her forearm.

“And what about Seungmin?” He questioned softly, a lot more gentle that what you usually would expect.

You felt heat rush to your cheeks.

“I haven’t spoken to him since Friday” You stared at him with a weakness you had never felt before. “It’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me, I…” you sighed. “I don’t know what to think anymore.” You sniffed.

You had to stay in the study room for the afternoon, waiting for Atenea to get out of the club she was in so you could head to the library together like you had promised, but as you studied in silence, someone sat in the chair in front of you, frowning at you.

You took your headphones off and scratched your eyes. “Eh… Hyunjin?”

“Abril told Lara and she told me,” he mentioned in a huff. “And I’ve known Seungmin for many years. He’s not an impulsive guy. He hasn’t treated anyone like how he treats you.”

You blinked, puzzled, but frowned at him. “Are you going to scold me?”

“You better believe I am!” He scoffed. “Would you like me to politely tell you that you’ve behaved like a total idiot around him?”

“What are you—?!”

“You simply never bothered to talk to Seungmin about any of what Lara told me!” He stated with force, and you didn’t think to tell him to shut up, considering that the study room was empty that time.

“Do you really expect me to understand whatever was happening and tell him right away?” You blurted out with anger, a bit shocked at his rough approach. “Had I had the opportunity I would have!

He rolled his eyes, passing a hand over his face in a sign of desperation.

“You had every opportunity! For months!” He left his hand on the table, and started tapping at it with force, trying to make a point. “Admit it. Seungmin has been in your head ever since we both changed from the other class and you two started bickering.” Hyunjin’s eyes stared at you with a fierce glare that almost threatened to pierce holes through your skull.

“That’s bullshit!” You spitted out defensively.

“Oh, spare me!” He brushed it off. “There have been countless clues! Your stupid need to make everything a competition when it comes to him is infuriating. He talks to me about these things, you know?” He swallowed, and you leaned back in surprise, but he kept on going. “How you look at him when you’re angry, or how you mock and tease him back. It’s stupid!” He cursed out loud. “And these last two weeks have only made it so much worse.”

“What do you mean, worse?” You pondered softly, slowly taking in Hyunjin’s dramatic act.

“I mean, you were totally smitten by how he ridiculously kissed you at the back of the bus last week, considering that you kissed him back.” He stated clearly. “And he wouldn’t shut up about it and how you were ignoring him after, which, great fucking work, by the way, the dude wouldn’t shut up about you.” Hyunjin blinked slowly, trying to recall and voice what he was thinking. “And then he lends you his jacket when a mystery debutant shows up.”

“A—a what?”

“Motherfucker, eh, that Henry asshole.” Hyunjin rubbed his eyes. “I had to endure him talking shit about him for an hour because he saw him texting you some weird shit with cringe emojis.” The exasperation on his tone rendered you almost speechless. “And even then he struggled to admit how fucking jealous he was about that guy. He had your attention. He had your smile. You looked at Henry, not at Seungmin, and ah, for fuck’s sake.” Hyunjin covered his face with his hands. “He felt so ridiculously powerless that he talked to me about it. He’s never done that before!”

You were only able to blink, struggling to grasp everything he was saying.

“And then, with no word of warning, you called him, at, what, like, one in the morning?” Hyunjin said in a huff, the thought of that bringing back his anger, making him stare at you with a frown again. “He, jesus, he talked for AGES about how you hugged him, and the fact that you were wearing his jacket, like— like you’re doing now, what the fuck.” He stopped mid-scolding, staring at you with confusion.

“It’s… it’s his?”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly as he nodded. “What, you didn’t know? You helped him with tecnical drawing, he gave you his jacket, bla bla bla. That whole thing?”

You blushed, shaking your head sideways. You had done what?

“Nevermind. You can talk to him about that later.”

It was your turn to scoff now. “Judging by the fact that he sent you, I don’t think he would like to see me anytime soon.”

Hyunjin chuckled dryly.

“Don’t you even dare keep ignoring him. This stupid game has lasted for too long. Besides, he doesn’t know I’m here. He thinks I’m in dance practice, but whatever. You needed to know, because he’s a mess.” Hyunjin stated, passing a hand through his hair. “He can’t sleep well, he can’t concentrate, he can’t do anything.”

It looked like the scolding was over, but there was a remaining anger that came back to him as a memory struck.

“And, moreover, you callously ignored the letter Seungmin wrote you, even though he told you he loved you!”

You were looking at your notebook on the table, halfly staring at your nails and fidgeting with them, but your head almost snapped when you stared at him.

“What letter?” You muttered, your eyes locked on his. He frowned, his eyes slightly widening.

Your heart started beating faster, almost so loud you could hear it in your head.

“Hyunjin, what letter?!”

[☆★🌷★☆]

Seungmin felt his lungs on fire.

Run, run, run.

His feet were hurting, because his old ass shoes were busted enough that their insides were almost destroyed from everyday use.

But he needed to find you.

Maybe it was because it was Valentine’s day, despite the obvious influence that a certain friend of yours had done.

“Wait, you— you missed school this morning?” Lucas had muttered with a puzzled look, eyes wide.

“I had to go to the dentist to take my braces off. Yeah.” Seungmin stated again. “So whatever you meant by ‘being an ignoring bitch this morning’, I know nothing about it.”

And then someone next to them had chimed in. “You’re talking about Henry and what happened this morning with—“

“Yeah. Why?” Seungmin had interrupted, frowning slightly.

“There’s a video of it.”

Run, run, run.

The look in your eyes when you spoke with Henry. Your smug smile when you caught him by surprise.

Your poem.

His eyes had widened when Henry started reading it in the video.

Was it…?

Could it…?

Could it really be for him?

He wanted needed to find out.

He needed to find you.

“Watch where you’re going!” A man grunted at him, and Seungmin quickly apologized, running off.

Run, run, run.

He knew where you lived just because of Friday, when you had asked him if he could head towards your house with you, still a bit scared from what had happened. He accepted in a heartbeat, reassuring you that it was fine with a million smiles.

His hand had never left yours. Your touch, colder than his, had something so adicting to it that he didn’t want to let go.

Time seemed to pass slowlier when he recognized your neighbourhood. He was about to ring on your floor, but then, your silhouette got out of the elevators, and you both blinked at each other, staring through the glass door.

You opened it slowly, approaching him.

The look in your eyes was different than what Seungmin was used to.

It wasn’t similar to how you had looked at him ever since the school year started, with a shimmer of anger that turned your cheeks pink. Or how you had looked at him that afternoon in the back of the school bus, pupils dark and lips red and slightly swollen from kissing. Or how your eyes glowed in hope and comfort that Friday night.

It was different. He wanted to savour it. He wanted to see every detail of it.

He walked towards you and cradled your face in his hands.

“Wait.” He muttered in a whisper, taking off his glasses in a movement that to you felt almost enticing.

“What is it?” You whispered back.

He blinked at you as he cleaned his glasses with the hem of his shirt.

“You’re fucking blurry.” He snickered softly, with a sheepish smile that tinted his cheeks pink.

You giggled.

He settled his glasses back in place, and smiled when your image made sense before him.

“Better.” He muttered.

“Seungmin, I—“

But you stopped speaking when his lips crashed against yours.

There it was. He tasted sweet like how hot chocolate tastes in a rainy day. You smiled at your discovery, wanting to taste it for hours.

He wanted to kiss you for days to come, even if there was a million things left for both of you to say.

“I’m sorry.” Kiss. “I wasn’t in school this morning.” Kiss. “But I saw a video of it.” Kiss. “And I needed to—“

You giggled, taking his glasses and settling them on the top of his head.

“We can do the talking later.” You smiled, your cheeks red as your hands grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Are you sure?” He gulped, blushing too as he mumbled.

“Yeah.” You smiled even more. “I’d rather do the kissing now.”

You'd never know what happened with his letter. But considering where that had lead you, maybe it wasn't totally bad that the wind had carried it out the window.

[☆★🌷★☆]

~Kats, who, believe it or not, took the text argument in the beginning from an old school groupchat (yes i was the target akbdksbdks idk why lol, but no, i did not have an enemies2lovers :( lmao)

HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINES DAY!

TAGGING! (oh wow) @that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick @deadcrow-donteat @obyyyy @euphoric-univers @aslou @19marka @daisyjihannie @im-loco66 @coolbabydumplings @amarecerasus @sharonxdevi @han-to-my-minho @abbiespooks @moon0fthenight @koala-wonderland @hecrtful @hheesungsung @vampcharxter @kpopandblunts @daisy-dont-play @skz-lover21 @skyl1nninie @lunathewonyoungstan @5starlee @pchyyhoe @4ln-stay8 @michelle4eve (bolded and/or purple means it won’t let me tag you, pookies! please check your blog’s privacy settings <3)

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vamptizm · 3 months

Text

happiness is a butterfly — rafe cameron

summary — a series of events that finally lead you to leave rafe behind and pursue happiness (inspired by the lana del rey song)

pairing — rafe cameron x fem!reader

genre — angst

word count — 3.1k

warnings — angst. mild? cheating. toxic relationship. bad language. suggestive themes (just the mention of it). rafe intimidates reader. not proof read. lowercase intended.

note — this is absolute dog shit in my opinion but it has been sitting in my drafts for a while and this is me ATTEMPTING to somewhat save it and not just scrap it completely

do you want me, or do you not? i heard one thing, now i’m hearing another.

it has always been a back and forth with the cameron boy. one day he was undeniably in love with you, buying you your favorite flowers, taking you on the fanciest of dates and showing you off like a gold trophy. another day, he suddenly decides that he doesn’t care about you all too much. no calls, no texts, he get’s mad, lashes out on you, flirts with others and then finds himself crying in your arms as he apologizes for the things he’s done.

you were tired and confused, anyone around you could tell how worn out and exhausted you were, yet nothing seemed to make you leave. in your mind, he was perfect for you. rich, a year older, he has a future, a nice family and you got along with his sister. what more could you wish for? being a low class “kook” was rougher than one could imagine. too poor for the kooks and too rich and spoiled for the pogues, and therefore, you found yourself not having any friends… not having anyone to rely on, anyone to help you realize your worth and leave the cameron boy.

“look, don’t make this any harder than it has to be right now and just go home” rafe advised in a harsh tone, hands coming up to run over his hair in frustration.

you didn’t understand why he was being so cruel, you hadn’t really done anything to upset him, except trying to figure out what had gotten him in such a sour mood.

“no.” you stated, voice less firm and shakier than wanted. walking closer towards his large figure, you stood merely a few inches away while looking up at his face. “you can’t just push me away and pull me in whenever you deem as fitting. i’m trying to help you and i’m trying to be there for you. just let me.”

rafe simply stared down at you, his eyes stripping you of confidence and composure. you could never predict how he would react this time. would he accept your sincerity and take you in his arms? or would he reject it and leave you in tears while he pushes you away more and more. you had hoped that throughout all of the time that you’ve known him, it would eventually become a tad bit easier to read his body language but as always, you’d be dead wrong.

a hand of his came up to place itself on the back of your head, eyes locked with your own before he spoke up again. “have you ever stopped to consider that i don’t want anything from you?”, he questioned harshly, that familiar squinting of his eyes and the furrow of his eyebrows told you exactly what his next words will be. “if i want someone to talk to, i’ll talk to a fucking therapist, okay? stick to being the good fuck you are and leave me alone for now”.

there it was. he never failed to knock the air out of you and leave your lips trembling with his harsh words. a good fuck? that one was new, considering the fact that you rarely allowed him your body.

you couldn’t help but bitterly grin as tears stung your eyes. with eyes still locked with his, you nodded and took a step back before turning around and exiting his room. walking down those stairs felt like an eternity, to you, more and more kept appearing until you finally made it downstairs.

on your way out, a worried sarah approached you hastily, “did he do something? are you okay?” she questioned sincerely, both her arms raising to place her warm hands on your arms.

with a forced smile, you nodded gently in response, whispering a light “yeah” and explaining to her how you had to go home, before leaving tanny hill.

there you were once again, sat on his lap in his car as your lips collided repeatedly, softly and eagerly fighting for dominance. your hands were cupping his face and his were firmly placed on your hips, gripping onto the soft flesh. it was two in the morning on a hot summer night. were you expecting to find yourself in this position? not really. but all it took was a few texts from a worried rafe and a few missed calls, for you to send him your location. he found you sitting close to the shore of the beach with a half empty beer bottle in your hand and all it took was some sweet talk and a little bit of convincing from his side, until you ended up sitting in the passenger seat of his car and eventually on top of him.

his lips disconnected from yours as they trailed down your jaw and then to your neck, littering the soft skin with kisses and whispering sweet nothings into the crook of your neck. desperately wanting his lips back on yours, you gently took a hold on his jaw and lifted it up to press another kiss onto him.

“i love you”, he breathlessly whispered against your lips, eyes heavy and sparkling.

saying that he had caught you off guard was the understatement of the year, as your body stiffened against him and you straightened up. after a few moments of agonizing silence between the both of you, you shakily sighed, before your eyes found his. what did he just say? did he mean that? was he trying to mess with you?

“what?” you questioned quietly, it was as if the volume of your voice could only go so high at that moment.

rafe was the complete opposite of you, his eyes intensely staring into yours and his voice booming with confidence. his hand lifted towards your face as he tucked the two strands of hair behind your ears. he couldn’t stand it being in the way, it was like a curtain draped over your eye and he wanted to inspect every inch of your beautiful face.

“i said i love you”, he repeated earnestly. if it hadn’t been for the confidence in his voice and the serious look in his eyes, you would have called him a liar right then and there.

millions of thoughts crossed your mind until you feared that they might overflow. did you love him? did you want to say it back? would you truly mean it? were you sure that he wasn’t just playing with you?

it was as if rafe had read your mind, his hands cupping your face the same way you had done it to him a few minutes ago, “you don’t have to say it back now, but i mean it.”

if he’s a serial killer, then what’s the worst that can. happen to a girl who’s already hurt

“what did you do?!” you stormed towards the boy, pushing him back in anger, again and again.

a hysterical sarah had just told you about him shooting peterkin on the phone, killing the town’s sheriff and now he was outside your house. you should have been afraid, you should have called the police but you couldn’t. all you could do was stare at him in betrayal.

“listen, i-i had to save my dad, okay?” the stressed out boy stammered in a shaky tone, “i’m a proactive person, y/n, you know that! i couldn’t just let her hurt him!”

he had completely lost it, that you were sure of. the crazed look in his eyes that were stung by tears and trembling hands, you didn’t know whether to hit or hug him. your heart had been beating out of your chest, the realization that you were in the presence of someone who had taken a life suddenly hitting you like a truck and you unconsciously began to take a few steps backwards.

that didn’t go unnoticed. rafe’s demeanour had changed faster than you could blink as he stepped closer towards you, trapping you against the walls of your house and himself. your heart began to beat a thousand miles a minute and you were worried that he could hear it. you couldn’t let him know that you were afraid. he hovered over your smaller body, looking down at you like a hunter at it’s prey. no one spoke for what felt like hours, but was merely just short of a minute.

“you scared of me?” he interrogated bitterly. to him, it felt like you were betraying him, simply for being nervous and cautious around him. “are you going to try to get me in trouble?”, he took your jaw in between his thumb and pointer finger. “i’m the only one that can protect you, baby. i’ll be there for you. do you want that to change?”

glancing at him for a few more seconds, you eventually softly shook your head. it wasn’t just that you wanted to protect him, you also knew that if you went against him, the whole world would go against you until he’s proven guilty. precious rafe cameron. big house, good family, more money than he could ever dream of… he would never commit such cruel acts.

rafe tried to read your face, scanning it for any indication of a lie, before he grinned maliciously. he had you right where he wanted you. “that’s my good girl”, he pressed a kiss on your stiff lips.

“go back inside, it’s late” he advised after pulling back, making his way to his car and driving off.

finding yourself alone, you finally allowed yourself to breathe, sliding down the wall you had been pushed against. tears filled your eyes faster than you could comprehend and soon after that quiet sobs started to wreck your body. nothing would be the same anymore, nothing would be okay anymore, and you were painfully aware of that now.

i said don’t be a jerk, don’t call me a taxi. sitting in your sweatshirt crying in the backseat.

“i just don’t get what the big deal is”, rafe stated nonchalantly.

here you were, sitting in the passenger seat of his car with tears running down your face because of him and he didn’t get what the big deal was? you had just seen him with his arm draped over another girl’s shoulder not even 20 minutes ago, how could he be so dense? you would like to lie and say that it hadn’t been often that you got jealous or upset, but the truth is that those things affect you more than you’d ever like to admit.

with mascara stained cheeks, you slowly turned your head towards him, disbelief and annoyance sculpting your features now.

“you don’t get the big deal?” you repeated his audacious statement. you were seething but attempted to stay composed nonetheless as you picked at the nails of your fingers.

the boy’s face showed no empathy, let alone any indications of remorse. this caused you to scoff. you wanted to scream at him, to pour your heart out and make him understand how much it hurt, but instead you chose to leave. with a hand firmly on the door handle, you swiftly exited the vehicle and slammed the door shut.

rafe followed after you a few seconds after, “don’t be ridiculous and just get back in the car.” he scolded as he walked behind you, but you didn’t bother to listen, instead you continued to take fast steps in the opposite direction.

the boy sighed in annoyance and worry, not wanting you to roam the streets at that time of night all alone in this sweatshirt that barely covered your thighs.

“let me at least call a taxi to take you home!” he called after your retrieving figure.

you stopped in your tracks and for a moment it seemed like he had gotten through to you, but oh how wrong he was. “i don’t want you to call me a fucking taxi, you jerk! i don’t need anything from you.”

happiness is a butterfly. try to catch it, like every night.

it had finally been the last straw for you. you could not excuse his actions anymore and you couldn’t keep forgiving him. something had to change and that something was your relationship with rafe cameron. you wanted to be free, you wanted happiness and you wanted to feel butterflies that didn’t make you feel sick to your stomach. unfortunately, that meant you had to let go of what was holding you back. it’s in our human nature to chase things that hurt us, either for the thrill of it or to settle. we accept the love that we think we deserve and you knew that you deserved so much better than this.

you had been contemplating for days on whether to do it over the phone or in person, because you hated to admit that you were slightly scared of his reaction if you chose to break the news to him, face to face. eventually though, with the encouragement of sarah and your pogue friends, you had decided to not fear him anymore and thats how you found yourself standing in front of him as he sat on his bed.

“i think you know what i’m about to say” you began, attempting to hide that nervousness that was begging to shine through.

rafe simply shook his head and you weren’t sure if he was pretending to be clueless or if he was trying to stop the next few sentences that would escape your lips. “no, please enlighten me” he inquired a little too calmly.

it somehow felt like a trap to you, but you didn’t let that affect you. “i don’t think we’re good for each other… i want to end this”

rafe stared at you in silence for a couple of moments with a look on his face that you couldn’t quite read, it was a mix of his furrowed brows and a look of disbelief. neither of you chose to speak up after that.

“you’re leaving me?” he finally broke the silence in a tone that had you wincing.

you didn’t want to hurt him and you surely did not want this to end on a bad note, but it was clear as day that rafe was anything but happy about your decision. not being able to find the words, you simply nodded your head in confirmation.

“after everything i did for you?” he stood up, his facial expression turning sour with the look of betrayal in his eyes.

rafe took a couple of steps towards your figure, causing you to take a couple of steps back in return. you knew he wasn’t trying to intimidate you on purpose, but even if he was, it wouldn’t work on you this time.

“what did you do for me?” you questioned bitterly. “the constant fighting? pushing me away and then pulling me back in? telling me how much you love me and then seeing you getting all touchy with another girl not even a week later?”

you were trying your best not the escalate the situation with your emotional state, but in the moment it was near to impossible.

“i deserve to be happy, you know?” you began, taking a step closer to him this time to show him just how fearless you were. “i deserve to be loved and cherished. i deserve someone who isn’t going to play me like a fiddle and use me to his advantage. i deserve something real and good and that’s just not something that you’ve been able to offer me, rafe. all you do is take and take and take some more and you never give anything in return. i’m fucking sick of being your little toy”.

rafe cameron had been speechless for the first time in a very long time. he had no idea what to say or do in that moment. should he drop on his knees and beg you for another chance? or should he accept that fact that everything you said was merely the cold hard truth that he did not want to hear. he knew you deserved better, he knew you could do better, yet he wanted to be that better for you. it can’t be too late, right?

“i’ll change.” rafe stated in a sincere tone, his eyes finally locking with yours. “i’ll be better for you, y/n. i promise”

you wanted to laugh. the fact that it had to come this far, was bitterly amusing to you. after all the pain he put you through, all the harsh words he shot at you, all the times he disappointed you, he really had the nerve to ask for another chance?. in all honesty, it had actually made you quite angry. why did he expect you to forgive him again? were you not clear enough? were you a joke to him?

“beg for it” you spoke, a dead serious look on your face while doing so.

to say that rafe had been caught off guard would be the understatement of the century, his breath hitched and he had to stop his eyes from widening in shock at your words. after a few moments of contemplating, the boy surprisingly lowered himself onto his knees and looking up at your shocked expression.

“please… please give me another chance. i know i don’t deserve you, i never have, but i truly love you despite being always failing to prove it to you. i cannot imagine my life without you in it, y/n… i promise to change. i’ll take better care of you, i’ll drop every other girl, i’ll be nicer and more understanding and i’ll do anything to make you happy if you just give me one more chance” he begged, his voice cracking a couple times and tears stinging his beautiful blue eyes as a few of them ran down his cheeks.

you had not expected this. in fact, you had expected him to scoff at you and show you just how cruel he could be. his words and tears had you almost dropping to your knees and embracing him into a bone crushing hug. key word being almost. once you had made a decision, it was impossible to talk you out of it or convince you otherwise, so instead of listening to your heart the way you always had, you chose to let your brain take control for once.

“not good enough”. with that, you turned on your heels and left through his door, while also exiting his life for what you hoped, would be forever.

#⋆𐙚 ₊ ♡ 🌷 yuko #⇢ ˗ˏˋ vamptizm writes ࿐ྂ #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe outer banks #outer banks #outer banks x reader #obx fic #rafe cameron fanfiction #outer banks one shot #angst #rafe cameron angst

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herlondonboy · 1 year

Text

Beauty And The Beast

Pairings: Tyler Galpin x gn!reader / Wednesday Addams x twin!reader

Summary: Tyler helps you realise that you really don’t deserve to love.

Warnings: angst kind, manipulation. I write this whilst I was supposed to be tidying my room.

Word Count: 1.0k

You never believed that you deserved the love your parents got; the love you see in movies or love at all. You weren’t as smart or as cunning as Wednesday and you weren’t as funny or kind as Pugsley. You found yourself wanting to be your siblings. You wanted the the relationship that they had. You wanted Wednesday to protect you from bullies in a bittersweet manner, you wanted Pugsley to talk to you, period.

You didn’t know what happened or what went wrong, but Morticia and Gomez somehow ended up with you as a child. Maybe you were switched with someone else in the hospital because you didn’t feel like an Addams. You felt like an outcast in your own family. You liked colour, you weren’t abnormally pale, your touch was warm. You were you and that was enough for your family, so why wasn’t it enough for you?

When your sister was sent to Nevermore, and your parents decided it was best for you to tag along, you almost began to despise them. It only got worse when you found out you had a single room, closed off from the rest of the school. It was like you were being punished for no reason.

You were exiled by the world’s outlaws.

It didn’t take long for you to realise that you weren’t welcome there. You started taking long walks down to Jericho after your last period just to sit in the back booth of the Weathervane and write down all of the reasons you didn’t deserve to be an Addams. The book was nearly halfway full.

But one uneventful Thursday, a barista, the youngest one that you had seen working in here, walked over to you. “May I sit?” He asked, a kind smile on his face. You nodded hesitantly as he sat. God, how you wished you could turn back time and tell him no. “My name’s Tyler.”

“Hello, Tyler.” You smiled at him, looking down. You felt like if you looked any longer you’d drown in his eyes. “Uhm, y/n.” You held out your hand.

“Oh, I know.” Tyler said, shaking it. “I’m not stalking you, I just… we have to put names on the cups, remember?” He said at your raised eyebrow. You chuckled slightly and he cleared his throat. “I know that we don’t know each other, but i was hoping that we could get to know each other.”

“I didn’t think it was so easy to make me cringe.” You joked, smiling at his blush. “I’d love to get to know you, Tyler.”

“Oh! Great, uh, great, yeah.” He stammered. It was as if he was expecting a swift ‘no.’ “Uhm, here. My number.” He handed you a piece of paper. “Call me. O-or text me, whatever you prefer. Uh, bye.”

From then on, your alone time at the Weathervane became your Tyler Time. Your notebook hadn’t been touched in weeks and there was a predominant smile etched onto your face. For the first time, you actually felt like you deserved to be loved. Tyler saw what no one else did. Tyler saw you. Not y/n Addams - not Wednesday Addams’ abnormal twin. You.

Tyler had asked you to be his date for the Rave’N and you said yes. It was a great nice. Excluding how the normies put red paint in the sprinklers and drenched everyone in a blood-like substance; how Tyler ran away towards the end; and how Wednesday’s friend was attacked by the monster she was hunting.

The first, and last, time you kissed Tyler, something happened. You blacked out and then suddenly you were watching Tyler turn into a beast and murder Kinbott, your therapist. And then you watched him attack Eugene Otinger. And then you watched him talking to someone about how you would help him get insider information on Wednesday. It was awful, like everything you had gone through to allow yourself to love was wasted. You gasped awake in Tyler’s arms as he looked into your eyes, concern written all over his face and you wondered. Was any of it ever real?

“I’m okay.” You mumbled. “I just- I need to go.” You rushed out of the Weathervane. Tyler watched until you were out of his view. You sobbed all the way to Nevermore, hugging yourself as you made your way to your sister’s room.

Wednesday looked almost alarmed when she saw the state you were in. “y/n?” She asked and her voice made you break down.

“It’s Tyler.” You said, standing awkwardly in front of her. You’d kill for a hug right now, but this is Wednesday that you’re talking about. “I kissed him and had this vision thing and saw him attacking Eugene Otinger and I-“ You choked on your words, finding it so hard to breathe. “I thought he really liked me too. I thought… I thought that I deserved love, but it’s all my fault.”

“y/n, nothing is your fault.” Wednesday said softly.

You shook your head. “It is. I told him things about you, us, the school, because I thought I could trust him.” You clenched your eyes shut, sadness dissipating into anger. “I’m so stupid. Of course he didn’t love me. Stupid, stupid.” You began hitting your head in frustration.

“y/n, stop.” Wednesday said, but you didn’t. She grabbed your hands and pulled you into a hug.

You cried into her shoulder. “I want to go home, Wednesday. Home was bad, but it was so much better than this.” You told her. “I loved him and he-"

“y/n, Tyler manipulated you and conditioned you into thinking about him like that. He used you to get to me. You are not at fault here. You let yourself believe that you can be loved, y/n. That’s good. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for you.”

It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. You could love again if you let yourself, but would you?

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under-the-dirt · 7 months

Note

Hiii :3 I have another song one-shot idea, but with whatever character you want

I hope you have a good day :3

ok ilysm tytytyty i love getting ur song requests but the very first thing that came to mind the second i began this song was “FANAFAFAFAFFAFAFANFAB FNAF REFRENCE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️” bc i actually just have a squirrel brain. i’ve been wtaching the lore videos n playthroughs sm i’m so obsessed rn but i also thought of price bc i need more price daddy in my life. he’s so sexy. so, tytyty and a i wish you a very very ily <3

pairing: price x fem!reader

tags: sleeptalking, price is daddy, pet names :3, reader is a sleeptalker, ermrmrmrm a lil smut near the end.. fingering, overstimulation, p in v, unprotected sex (guys pls don’t), ermm UNDER 13 DNIII!!! SHOO CHILDREN!! I WILL BLOCK U!!!

You’ve always struggled to sleep alone. Your therapist had told you it was a trauma response, makes sense. You’d gotten by with large teddy bears and music, but once you became a part of the TaskForce 141 you hadn’t been able to get either.

So, you’d barely been able to sleep. No one really noticed, except for Price. He could see the bags beneath your eyes, he watched you chug energy drinks when you thought people weren’t looking, and after you got hurt due to being unable to move quick enough from pure exhaustion he knew he just had to step in.

You were sitting in your bed, doing unnecessary paperwork, when there was a soft knock on your door and a soothing voice from the other side.

“Can I come in, love?” Price’s gravelly voice asks, and you of course let him in. He sits down on your desk chair while you resume your position on your bed. “I’ve noticed something ‘bout you, love.”

“What is it, sir?” You respond dutifully.

“Those bags under yer eyes.. An’ when you ‘s constantly drinkin’ them energy drinks.. They’re bad for you, you know that right?” He explains softly, looking at you with those gentle blue eyes.

“Yeah..”

“Can ye not sleep ‘r somethin’?” He asks, getting to the point.

“Not well, sir.” You reply, albeit ashamed, and he nods.

“Why not?”

“Since I was little I’ve been unable to sleep without someone or something next to me.” You explain, head down.

“Ah.”

“it wasn’t a problem until I got here, and I don’t have a bear. I doubt they’d even allow one.” You chuckle softly, and he hums.

“Could I help?” He questions gently, and from the look on his face it’s completely serious.

“Y-yeah I mean- If you want to..”

He nods, walking to the door and flicking the light off before climbing into your bed beside you.

“Alright, come on sweetheart.” He smiles, watching you lay down and fall asleep, both maintaining enough distance to remain comfortable. That was some of the best sleep you’d gotten since you arrived, and you hoped he’d continue.

He did, the next day, and the next, and every day after that unless he was on a long mission. At some point you’d moved to his room due to his bigger bed and for general convenience. You became more and more comfortable with him as the nights went on, and soon you were cuddled to his chest as you slept, mumbling whatever nonsense was in your mind. He never minded your cute habit, never thinking much of it, until one night you begin saying his name.. Innocently enough for a bit, until a few days later when you began saying his name in full sentences instead of quick mumblings.

“John.. mm.. want you so bad.. need you..” You whisper, and he chuckles. “Mm… love you..”

“What’s that, bunny?” He asks, running his hands along your waist as you continue mumbling.

“Love you, John..”

“Is that so?” He asks with a gentle chuckle, the rumble of which stirs you.

“Hmm? Did you say something?” You ask tiredly, rubbing your eyes and looking up at him.

“What’re ye mumblin’ about?”

“I wasn’t saying anything..”

“Oh really? You were just sayin’ that ye love me.. What’re ye dreamin’ about, bunny?” He purrs, voice getting slightly deeper and causing you to blush.

“Uhm.. nothing..”

“Thas’ all?” He coos, running his hands lower to your hips and teasing the waistband of your shorts.

You blush further. “I- well.. you were in it..”

“Oh was I?”

You nod.

“And what were we doing?”

“uhm..” You hide your face, not wanting to describe the things you did in your dream, when suddenly John’s hand slips beneath your shorts and taps your clit gently.

“Something like this..?” He purrs, rubbing your clit gently through your panties, and you let out a soft moan. He chuckles, sliding your panties to the side to feel the wetness between your folds. “Hmm.. so wet already..” He tsks, running his finger up and down through your folds and removing it, bringing it up to his mouth and licking your juices off. You stare at him, wide eyed, and he chuckles.

He reaches down again, looking at you for permission before slipping your shorts off and panties with it. He inserts two fingers into your cunt without hesitation, and you whimper at the sudden intrusion. He rubs your clit with his thumb as he begins gently pumping his fingers in and out, curling them to hit that spongy spot inside of you that has you moaning and arching your back. He quickly shuts you up by kissing you deeply, tongue exploring your mouth with feverish lust. Using his free hand, he tugs down his sweatpants and boxers, letting his hard cock spring free. You gasp at the feeling of it against your stomach, its pure size a shock, and reach down to stroke it gently. He groans into the kiss, and the sound makes you cum almost instantly without warning. He laughs and pulls his fingers put, running his cock through your folds and rubbing your overstimulated clit.

“God.. so perfect for me, aren’t ye?” He chuckles, slowly pressing the thick tip of his cock into your tight hole, groaning at the feeling of you fluttering around him. “Relax for me, lass.. God.. so tight” He grunts, pushing into you, listening to your moans and whimpers. After finally bottoming out, he stays still to let you adjust, before gently pulling back to thrust into you and slam into your g-spot.

“John.. ohmygod oh.. oh..” You moan and babble, his cock completely turning your brain off as he hits your g-spot over and over. “God- g-gonna- John..”

“You gonna cum? Go on, be a good girl and cum on my cock.” He commands, and you cum instantly, eyes rolling back into your head with a loud moan. He follows soon after, filling your tight pussy with his thick cum. “So good for me.. So good for me..” He praises, pulling put slowly and kissing you gently. He kisses your neck as you fall asleep, and to say that night was the best sleep you’ve ever gotten was an understatement.

that was pretty fun to write, sorry it took so long! i love getting song requests <33333 hope this is good!!!

#call of duty #cod x reader #cod mw2 #cod smut #cod #call of duty x reader #captain john price #captain price #price x reader #price cod #price mw2 #captain johnathan price #john price #john price x reader #cod price #captain price x reader

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gayerthanevertbh · 2 years

Text

labyrinth

pairings: older!natasha x young!reader

warnings: g!p natasha romanoff, oral sex, cum swallowing, and dirty talk - MINORS DNI.

summary: your sister cheated on her wife, so the broken wife takes an interest in you instead. was everything just a rebound between the two of you? or is there something more?

notes: i want to make this a series but i don’t know yet, i want to hear your opinion on this one shot first before i do anything else. i hope you enjoy reading!

navigation || masterlist || series masterlist

“Wanda and I agreed that we won’t see anyone until the divorce finalizes,” Natasha said with a sniffle, wiping her tears away from her eyes. Her therapist, Nora, only nods while soothing the woman’s back out of comfort. “S-She will be leaving my house once everything’s done.”

“Do you have a child with Wanda?” Nora asked her quietly; the woman shook her head. It was a relief for Natasha since it would’ve been a lot harder if they ever had a child – and they couldn’t have a child.

They just couldn’t, no matter how much Natasha wanted to.

“No.”

“Everything will be sorted out,” she tells her with a convincing voice, a voice that tells Natasha that everything will be fine when it won’t ever be fine. She soothes again, “You just need a lawyer, okay? Once you do, then we can go to court. Does Wanda have a lawyer?” the other woman nodded. “I see, well I have to give you some phone numbers that you could talk to, they’re the best in this state. Please contact them as soon as you get home.”

“What if I’m still in love with her?” Natasha sobs out, rubbing the back of her hair with so many questions and whys in her head. Why? Why did you cheat on me? Why ME? Why does it have to be like this? Is he better at fucking you? Does he have a lot of money? Why, why, why?

“You could never out-love someone, Natasha.”

Nora was right; she could never just out-love Wanda – how can she? Wanda was her first love, it was merely impossible at this point.

“I wish she never did it,” she mumbles, staring at the ground as more tears streamed down her face. Natasha felt angry, confused, and conflicted. One moment, she wanted to beg for her love and now all she could see was fire and red at the same time; Wanda was flammable, she was toxic for Natasha’s thirst; a venom. She grips her gray buttoned-up shirt and mumbles again with a seething tone, “I wish I could kill her. I wish she could die in a car crash so that I won’t have to think about her again.”

“Let it all out,” Nora said. “Just let it all out, Natasha.”

And she did.

hey tash, can i go to your place real quick? wanda is asking me to get some of her clothes. i think she’s going on a date.

Oh. Yeah, sure. You could stay for a bit if you want, I’m on my way home anyway.

where were you?

I went to see my therapist, Y/n.

i’m sorry, i just wanted to know how you’re doing. my sister is really unforgivable in this situation, I'm sorry you had to go through that tasha.

Can we talk more when I get there? I actually want to give you something :)

yay! what is it?

Just wait in my living room, I’m almost there.

Okay!

As I waited patiently in her living room, I thought about the brighter times when Natasha and Wanda were happy together. This home used to be so full of laughter and happiness that I couldn’t even begin how beautiful this home was. Now, it’s just quiet and lonely; tragic and sorrowful. Her plants at her door area were wilting, and her big living room lamp was broken; I could only see the metal rod was bent. This home is lonely, too lonely and quiet – I felt awkward staying on her couch.

“Been waiting for me?”

I turned around and saw Natasha bringing bags of groceries (she only brought two and they looked light) as she strode into the kitchen area, where she dispatches the things she needed for her refrigerator. I immediately stood up and followed her, giving me an instinct that I should help her out.

“Let me help you, Tash–”

“Go sit back down Y/n,” she said, smiling tightly at me. “I got this, okay? I’ll bring you a glass of apple juice, I can handle this.”

I sat back down and waited for her. Once she was finished, she walked back and sat down beside me, placing two glasses of apple juice on the wooden coffee table that she built for Wanda a few years ago. I could still remember the look on my sister’s face when Natasha gave her this table.

And now, the table looks depressing, as if a flower is wilting.

“I’m happy that you’re here,” she said with a smile; bringing the rim of her glass to her lips. “You know, I was supposed to ask you to come over so we could watch a movie together.”

“I’m glad we’re still close,” I said, holding the glass in both of my hands. “I know Wanda has been… irresponsible with your marriage, but I’m happy that you still choose to talk to me even though I’m her sister.”

“I mean, I’ve known you ever since you were just a little girl,” a chuckle came from Natasha’s lips. “And now you’ve blossomed into this… beautiful girl. Your mother has raised you well.”

“I guess you could say that.”

As we exchanged laughter, we clinked our glasses together and drank from them simultaneously. I was about to stand up when I felt her hand on my knee, suddenly pulling me to sit back down out of instinct.

“Is there anything you need?” I asked Natasha quietly.

She shakes her head. “Not really, I really could use some company right now.”

“How’s your therapy session? Did it go well?”

“Nora was alright,” she answered, leaning against the back of the couch. “I guess it helped a bit. I still want to murder your sister, that’s for sure.”

“I totally understand if you do,” I said. “She has been nothing but an ass lately.”

“She’s more of an ass than me?” quirked Natasha, raising her left eyebrow and looking at me with those damn hooded eyes – I could’ve sworn she was slightly flirting with me. Natasha Romanoff was known to be a jackass, an adult who likes to be an asshole for the laughs and giggles. But lately, she’s been vulnerable; helpless; hazed with anger. I could hardly blame her for being this angry with my older sister, Natasha has done nothing but treat Wanda as if she was the love of her life.

And maybe that’s why I get a little insecure whenever I see them together because I’ve always had a small crush on Natasha (that I still hope she doesn’t have an idea that I do have a crush on her) and maybe that’s a little unfortunate for me since there was no percentage of us being together or having that kind of fling where I could say that woman feels for me the same way I do.

It was merely impossible.

“You could say that.”

Natasha scoots closer to me until both of our thighs touch. After placing her glass back on the table, she yawned as the day began to clear. I try to think of other words to create a conversation with her; nothing comes across my head.

Finally, she asked: “How’s school? When will you be graduating?”

“In a few months,” I answered, fidgeting with my fingers.

“What university will you be going to?”

“Probably in New York so I could stay closer to Pietro.”

“And Wanda? Will she be in New York?”

“No, she’ll be staying here,” I replied. There was a look of relief on Natasha’s face that I can’t distinguish – it’s hard to tell whether she was satisfied with that information or not. I was about to ask why until she said, “I’ll be in New York for a couple of years, you know, to get away from this fucking madness.”

“I understand,” I said. “When will you be moving?”

“Once I finalize my divorce with Wanda, then I will go,” she replied, prompting her elbow on the couch and using her free hand to support her head. She was beautiful like this, natural and calm. It was short, really short. It’s almost as if she was pulling out “revenge hair” as her hair darkens, leaning on a brown color – which suits her perfectly well. Needless to say, she was beautiful; eye-catching.

I nodded deeply and looked away. But I felt her thumb and index finger holding my chin, turning me to look at her again; almost gazing at her. I dug my hands in between my thighs, and almost whimpered when her lips were close to mine.

She was about to kiss me, she was going to kiss me.

“Have you ever been kissed?”

“I-I have,” there was no reason for me to lie there, I simply have been honest with her ever since I walked into this house. There was a slash of disappointment plastered on her face, but immediately went away when she looked down at my gaped mouth. I was breathing hard, almost in an embarrassing way. If she kisses me now, I wouldn’t able to resist. What if I was a rebound? Who cares, I wanted her lips to kiss mine so that I could never–

“Let me kiss you?”

I’m a rebound, I’m a rebound, I’m a rebound–

“Yes.”

She didn’t waste time and pressed her mouth on mine, almost shuddering when both of our lips are being touched. Her lips were warm, and I could tell she was scrunching her eyebrows together. When her hand went behind my back and roughly pulled me closer to her, the spark between us went away. I almost yelped out of shock. But then, something eased on her – like a person telling her that I was a delicate little girl that was fragile, and she kissed me slowly but in a sloppy way.

Natasha pulls away with a string of saliva on both of our lips. “Your lips are so soft,” she murmured.

“I don’t think we should be doing this.”

She shakes her head, and pecked on my bottom lip so gently – I could hardly feel her lips. She used her other hand to stroke my jaw and whispered, “Wanda isn’t here, baby…”

“But you’re still married–” I moaned quietly when her lips were on my neck, kissing my skin with hunger while wrapping both of her arms around my small waist to pull me close on her lap. “Tasha, slow down.”

I wanted to tell her that she was going to use me as her rebound, that none of this was real to her. But I was so lost in her own world that I did not notice her unbuttoning her pants hastily; I had to push her chest away from me.

“You’re not thinking straight,” I said, trying my best to sound normal other than being heartbroken that I might be her rebound. “Y-You can’t be doing this with me, I’m her sister Tasha…”

“So do you want to stop?” she asked, still removing her pants all the way down to her midthighs. I closed my eyes, but she kissed my lips again to make sure I was still breathing. “Breathe baby, breathe. It’s okay, she’s not here–”

“She will go insane if I sleep with you!” I exclaimed.

“But she’s not here,” she whispers, like a smooth talker, as if everything will be alright; I was convinced. Natasha slowly trails her fingers inside my shirt and holds me down, feeling her tight erection on her loose boxers. She kisses my neck once more while her other hand was playing with my left breast, asking: “Have you ever slept with someone?”

“No,” I replied quickly, cursing myself that I’d answered her too fast. But she pulled away with a proud smile while still touching me through my shirt. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“That my parents would know–”

She immediately cuts me off mid-sentence, kissing my lips hard instead.

“No one will find out, okay? We don’t have to sleep together for now.”

“For… now?”

She nodded, inserting her tongue inside of my mouth until we were french kissing on her couch; on her lap. As soon as Natasha was about to remove my shirt, I slightly pulled away with a ragged breath. She squints her eyes, wondering why we stopped, and I did not say anything else but got onto my knees and pulled down her pants to her ankles.

“Baby,” she sighs loudly, her cock growing once more. “Y-You don’t have to do that–”

“I want to,” I assure her, my eyes are looking back up at the woman that has her legs open for me. Natasha could only nod and pulled her dick out of her boxers, her length proudly showing in the scene. She was hard, but not fully hard where her penis stands itself. I could see a bit of juice leaking out from its tip; I wish to lick it and suck her head as hard as I could watch her begging for more. “I’ve never given someone like this before.”

“A blowjob?”

Her cock was big; too big for my mouth. But my cunt clenches for it to be touched, I wanted her to slip her dick inside of me until I was a mess. Pogubi menya svoim rtom, Natasha.

“Y-Yeah…”

“It’s okay,” she coos, bringing her hand in the back of my hair and pulling me closer to her genitalia. “Go slow, okay? Just do what makes you comfortable, don’t use your teeth though.”

I’ve given myself a few more minutes before wrapping my hand around her shaft, gasping quietly about how utterly big she was; my fingers could barely wrap around her dick. Natasha threw her head back in the air and moved closer, half of her buttocks were exposed while having pleasure from my hand. I thought about those videos that my friends sent me, a woman jacking a guy off using her hands and mouth. So this gave me an idea and slowly brought my hand up and down on her length, watching her bulbous head carefully – I could see more of her juices coming out.

“Oh yeah,” she slurs as her eyes twitched while closed. “That’s so fuckin’ good, you’re hand is so warm.”

She was throbbing on my hand, and I couldn’t help but examine the way her member looked. The head was pinkish, with a mix of red; her cock was veiny but not in a gross way; it looked like it was reaching over her belly button, which made me wetter from the sight and the feeling of her dick. I slowly leaned closer to her penis and gave the tip a kiss, watching the woman have a reaction to it.

“Feels so good, Y/n… keep going.”

I took a deep breath and swallowed her head, my eyes widening when I could feel her juices dripping on my tongue. I closed my eyes instead and slowly let go of her cock with a loud pop! It made Natasha yell out of sexual frustration. I knew she was impatient – but I had to take my time. I could hear her murmuring, “Keep going, little girl… just keep your mouth on me.”

And I did, but it was a lot more difficult than it seems. The woman had a big dick, there was no denying that, and I tried my best to slurp the tip of her cock but instead; I choked. She averted her eyes from me and asked with a worried voice, “Shit–are you okay? You can stop–”

“Let me adjust,” I breathed out, slowly pumping her cock. Natasha could only nod and rest her head against the couch, watching me intently as I jerked her off. She was warm on my palm; I almost let out a tiny moan from the way it twitches. It just shows that it was begging for my attention, and I had to do something about it.

So I wrapped my mouth around the tip of her dick again and breathed, sinking my mouth further into her length. Natasha threads her fingers through my hair gently and pushes my head deeper into her cock, making me let out gurgling sounds.

“Your mouth is so good,” she whines, raising her hips a little to reach for my throat. “Suck it harder, baby girl. I’m so fuckin’ hard for you…” she shifts onto the couch and unbuttons her cardigan to release the tension inside of her. All she could think about was my mouth and my pussy. She wondered what it would feel like if she slipped her cock inside of me as I scream for mercy; yelling about how big her cock was.

“That’s it,” she coos, her breath hitching. “Lick my cock like that, what an obedient little girl you are.”

If it’s a guilty pleasure to be called a “little girl” by her, then I’d be damn proud to be called that by her. I closed my eyes again and sunk my mouth deeper, licking the underside of her dick repeatedly until I’ve gotten my rhythm. Natasha slowly humps my face as she uses both of her hands to guide my head up and down on her cock, making me create wet and pornographic noises that fill up the room too sweetly. The woman sighs blissfully, as if she couldn’t believe this was happening to her. Once the tip of her cock hit my throat; I gagged.

“Oh god!” she shuts her eyes tightly and keeps my head still while fucking my mouth slowly, her length popping in and out of my mouth. “So close baby, yeah… just suck my cock like that. You’re so good, little baby.”

I sucked her head vigorously while slurping on it, going deeper and deeper until half of her length was in my mouth. I felt her hand holding my neck as she continues to thrust into my mouth at a slow pace, making sure I wasn’t in too much pain. This was what she needed, what she wanted from me. It was this innocent slut that she wanted to take; I wanted to lick it and I wasn’t ashamed of any of it.

Natasha holds my head still and felt her hips twitching, as I hear her say, “I’m gonna cum–Oh fuck, take it!” and I felt two ropes of thick cum in my mouth; closing my eyes tight as she continues to let herself go inside of my mouth, giving everything that she needed. The woman sees stars behind her head and imagines my mouth being my cunt instead – the thrill of excitement burning inside of her passionately; she wanted to fuck me now or she wouldn’t able to live with herself.

“Oh god,” she moans as she spurts more cum on my tongue. “T-That’s it, oh fuck yeah…”

She was in heaven. But deep inside, she was in hell. While calming down from her firing orgasm, she realized that I was the sister of her wife – and she completely fucked up by fucking my mouth and coming on my tongue. Natasha couldn’t help but feel guilty, though the guilt washed away when I suddenly released the tip of her cock with a pop! From my mouth, and pulled myself up as I sat down beside her with some of her cum on the corners of my mouth.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to me, pulling my face closer as she kisses me deeply; tasting herself. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more discreet–”

“It’s okay,” I cut her off with a frantic nod while touching her right cheek, which I almost fell apart when she leaned on my touch. “I-I don’t want Wanda to know, I don’t know what I’d do if she knew about this–I’m sorry, I don’t–”

“She won’t know anything about us,” she said, leaning her forehead against mine as she pecked on my lips with her wet mouth, pulling me closer to her once more. Something about her being so comforting is losing the worries that have been boiling inside of me; like a kettle bursting once it’s hot. “It’s only our secret, I promise.”

another note: natasha will be an asshole if this comes out as a series, but she will have a development of course! let me know how you guys feel about this one shot <3

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha angst #black widow x reader #black widow x you #tasha bear:(

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flippedorbit · 2 years

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if i get talked down to one more god damn time I’m leaving again. I don’t care that its fucking storming outside

#I’d rather be struck by literal lightning than be treated like a two year old because someone doesn’t know how to raise their own kids.#hell i wasn’t even really raised. I had to do most of that shit for myself because everyone was more focused on my little sister.#I remember younger me wishing so desperately for my parents to pay attention to me and love me as much as they did her. And now #they don’t fucking mean shit to me. I’ve been treated like the cause of all evil for so long and I’m just genuinely so fucking sick of it.#I can’t get one moment of peace anymore in this house. I literally don’t even have a therapist right now. There is no help from an outside #force that could actually do something anymore. Literally on our last telehealth call my old therapist said that a large portion of #the stress I experience day to day is completely environmental; as in the people around me in my day to day life. I don’t know if its my #emotions or the sleep deprivation talking anymore but damn it I wanted to be treated nicely for once by my blood family.#I want to be told that I am loved and not immediately doubt it because everyone’s actions say the exact opposite.#I want to be told that they care and be able to fucking believe it. I want to care about so many things but the lack of care I receive #makes it a bit hard to dish out what I already have so very little of. No one in my family knows any of my interests anymore. Literally #every time in the past I’ve tried to open up about something I care about or am passionate about I get mocked or ignored. And yet #I have to listen to every little thing that my family members say and not disagree about anything they feel strongly on. It’s #absolute fucking bullshit and I want things to fucking change around here. I want to get better so badly but I literally fucking can’t.#I can barely get out of bed before 11am on most days now. I stay up later than I should so that I can enjoy the things that I love without #getting belittled or told to do something else.#anyway i think thats enough emotions for now. I really need to ask about getting stardew before I lose my nerve to do so #vent

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save-the-villainous-cat · 7 months

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“Yeah, I think I’m pretty tired of it all. I think I’m angry.” The villain closed their eyes and leaned back, falling into the bed comfortably.

“You think you’re angry,” the hero stated, as if they were too afraid to ask the question.

“Yeah. It’s the first emotion I can remember. I was three and my mom didn’t want to buy me ice cream. I kept screaming but she wouldn’t buy anything. It’s my first memory. I’ve been angry at the world for a very long time.”

“That’s a decent reason for trying to take over the world,” the hero said. They sat down on the bed, pulling their legs against their chest. The villain realised they were nearly touching each other. After all, the bed was small and both of them were on it. “Ice cream is the best dessert.”

The villain didn’t answer. They’d wasted enough of their time already. But it was like a drug. Getting hurt, getting angry, getting violent. Repeating the cycle. Was it raw humanity inside them? Or was it them who was different? Was it them who was broken?

“I was only joking,” the hero said. They pushed the villain’s shoulder playfully and the villain managed a tired smile. Their wounds hadn’t healed yet and whatever medical attention they got in here was barely enough to keep them alive.

They doubted the hero knew they didn’t get any painkillers.

“Why did you visit me?” they asked eventually but the hero didn’t seem to have a fitting answer for that right away. They looked at the villain and tried every now and then to find the right words.

“I think I was angry too,” they said eventually. “I was tired of conflict, I was tired of battle. But I couldn’t stop. Not really. I think it was pride and it was duty too, I suppose. Whatever motivated me, I wish I hadn’t been so concerned with it. This was eating me. Fighting you was eating me. Seeing someone with so much potential, someone so talented who was a lot like me…that really frustrated me.”

“So, you’ve come here to apologise?” the villain asked.

“I guess so. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting you in here. I thought this facility would help you. They got therapists and nurses…they have a lot of plans to help you.”

If help meant suffering from their injuries, then they were succeeding.

“I’m sorry I didn’t help — actually help — you sooner. We should’ve talked more, we should’ve seen each other more. I’ve always liked you.”

They played with the fabric of the villain’s shirt, lost in thoughts.

“I understand being angry. I understand being frustrated. It is exhausting. You begin to loathe people, you begin to loathe yourself. And you don’t know where to put it. You don’t know what to do with it, so you channel it and throw it at the person closest to you.”

“Sorry about that, by the way. The person closest to me are you,” the villain said. The hero looked up and both of them knew that they truly only had each other.

“I know,” they said softly. “That’s why I’m apologising, too. Because that’s what you are to me as well.”

For a moment, they could only stare at each other. It was quite clear that their anger wasn’t born from love. It was born from frustration and fear.

But that anger was consuming love. It consumed the love between them, fed on what could’ve been. It was eating that love away, leaving no room for it, leaving no chance for any other emotion than anger.

And yet, and yet. As everything was quiet and the villain watched the hero play with that shirt of theirs, there was room for something to grow.

#saw some chromosomes today #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #hero #villain #heroes and villains #hero x villain #heroxvillain #an answer for an ask #request

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seraphicalsuccubus · 2 months

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I just wanna make a post because I’ve gotten tons of worried asks about my absence and wishing I’m okay and everything (and I will answer them I promise, I do really appreciate y’all checking in on me). but this is going to be a LONG post so if you’re actually gonna read it, strap in babes.

anyways, my life has virtually become a dystopian hell and I’m not kidding you. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I feel like I’m under house arrest because I’m just not allowed to do fucking anything anymore. I pretty much cannot leave my house, not even to get groceries. I cannot ask my roommate to pick up anything for me on her way home from work because she bitches about it and makes some excuse not to even if it’s something I desperately need. I haven’t had a single human interaction with ANYONE even my former best friend/roommate since the end of January until this week when I just fucking lost it and vented to my aunt and had her get me a dispensary order because I can’t leave my house to get one myself anymore and she came to hang out and spend some time with me and talk about everything for a couple hours. and that’s the bare bones of what’s going on. there’s so much fucking more piled to it but I’ll just give you the gist of it. I literally told my therapist that if I didn’t get the fuck out of here soon, I will probably slit my wrists and bleed out in the bathtub. like if I cannot run away and escape all this shit, I will be leaving this house in a body bag because I honestly just do not know how much more of this shit I can take.

I have been so unbelievably stressed. I have picked every tiny cut, scratch, ingrown hair, pimple, everything that could be picked open, into huge gaping wounds all over my legs and specifically, I had two tiny cat scratches on my stomach from one of my cats kneading on me and not being too gentle with her claws, and i picked those TINY cuts into gaping wounds bigger than the size of dollar coins. two of them. right next to each other. they were so bad that I thought they were legitimately going to get infected and cause me problems. but they’re finally healing and starting to scar because I HAD to bandage them. like if I did not bandage them and change the bandage twice a day, they would have become infected and been a huge problem. that’s how bad those two specifically were.

not only this, but I have also PICKED A FUCKING BALD SPOT ON MY SCALP near my widow’s peak, but thankfully it’s on the side my hair flops over from so it’s covered. but it’s still there and it makes me horribly insecure and I don’t know if it’s like a scab that’ll eventually fall off and something will grow back from it or if it’s a scar and I’ll have this bald spot forever to be insecure of and self conscious of all the time. literally only time will give me the answer to that. but I am fucking 26 years old and have picked myself to PIECES and BALD SPOTS due to stress. I am literally falling the fuck apart.

and not only that, but I was just informed that I need to be conscious and aware of the fact that I may have fucking lupus because two of my dad’s sisters have it (one confirmed diagnosis and the other a suspicion but that’s enough of a reason for me to be worried about it) and I’m too terrified to get tested or whatever to start the process of getting that diagnosis. like the one thing I’ve always been so fucking afraid of is having an autoimmune disease and my fear of that may have fucking manifested one fucking for me and I’m really struggling with the potential that I may have to deal with that, along with my other health issues and mental health issues and shit.

I just. I have been going through a REALLY rough fucking time. and I am sorry, I am so sorry for the lack of posts or explanations or not answering anyone’s asks or messages aside from the two people I talk to daily because I just mentally cannot handle conversations through all this shit, and for making anyone genuinely concerned about me because of my absence and shit. I wish I could say you shouldn’t worry, but honestly, I’m incredibly worried about myself and that reason alone should scare anyone that knows me because I’m NEVER worried about myself. I’m sorry. I wish I could say I’m okay and I’m thriving and my lack of presence on here was a GOOD thing because I’m doing well and not thinking about social media, but it’s not. it’s a very bad thing. I don’t leave my bed every day unless it’s to take care of my cats. I can’t remember the last day I actually ate a meal or even a snack. the only hydration I get is like the 3 sips of whatever I use to take my meds every morning and night. I have no drive to create content so my income has dropped SO dramatically that I am barely scraping by to pay my bills. I haven’t gamed. I haven’t caught up on any of the shows I was excited for and watching before all this. I haven’t done laundry in god only knows how long and I’m literally running out of clean clothes to wear. I literally only brush my hair before I get on FaceTime with a friend or my boyfriend, otherwise it’s a knotted mess. I’ve showered to clean my body because I feel disgusting being dirty but I have not washed my hair since I had these extensions installed. I do not have the energy to wash this much fucking hair right now. and do you know when these were installed? February 12th. I have not washed my fucking hair in over a month and I feel so fucking repulsive because of it. my hair is my pride and joy. I have such expensive quality products for it. I take care of it. I love my hair. and I cannot even find the energy to wash it when I’m already in the shower just to wash my body/face because I just am so depressed that I can’t even find the energy to do it WHILE ALREADY IN THE SHOWER. I usually go 7-10 days without washing my hair to prolong the life of my extensions and my hair dye and shit because my hair doesn’t get greasy quickly or dry so I can push it that long and just do like body wash/skincare showers in between. but it’s been over a month. over a FUCKING MONTH. since I’ve been able to find the energy to just wash my fucking hair even when I’m already in the shower. do you know how pathetic that feels?

I’m sorry this was such a heavy post. for anyone that actually read through it, I’m sorry. I’ve been internalizing a lot of this shit and this isn’t even the icing on the fucking cake. this is the bare minimum of what I’m dealing with. it’s so much more convoluted and fucked up and abusive than I’m explaining on here and I’m sorry for venting about the things that I did. but I’ll leave it there. I won’t get into the rest.

if you read this far, I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time with this long of a post just to get shit off my chest. I hope you’re having a really good day, or that your day gets better, your weekend goes well, and that you have some good karma headed your way. I wish you all the best. thank you for listening. I appreciate it. 🖤

#it’s really hard for me to make this post and admit that I am struggling so fucking bad so please be kind and considerate about all this #because if someone makes a rude remark or sends a rude ask about it I’m blocking and deleting it #I’m not even going to entertain someone trying to make me feel worse than I already feel #because I didn’t even KNOW I could feel this bad in my fucking life #so please just be kind and comfort me or just don’t say anything. please. for my sake.

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sillygooseassociation · 2 years

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Messy

Requests: Heyyyyy, could you write ted lasso x reader where reader likes ted, and she vents about it with rebecca or keeley and ted listens to it but thinks it’s for somebody else, not him? I’m so sorry for my English, and thank you very much! /// hiiii could you write ted x reader where reader gets jealous of ted with sassy (like reader has a crush on ted but never told anyone about it) and reader is younger than him and thinks that maybe nothing will happen between them?? the drama of it all lol, okay thank you byeee

Description: When you and Ted both eavesdrop on conversations of the other, miscommunication occurs that leads to tears, laughter, and confessions.

Warnings: lots of angst, idk, kinda mentions of divorce

Pairing: Ted Lasso x reader

Word Count: 4.3k

You drop the stack of files on the desk outside Rebecca’s office, pulling a highlighter out of your pocket, needing to mark one more line that you noticed was missed on the walk from your room. Biting the cap off, you hold the plastic in between your teeth as you trace the line on the paper, pausing to listen when you overhear voices from the office. “Now boss, you know I wouldn’t keep anything from you, it's just not in my nature. But a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, and that includes the person that signs my checks.”

Initially, you chuckle at Ted’s mannerisms - even after two years in England, he hadn’t lost that endearing midwest charm. However, your laughter falls flat when you realize the implications of his words, who did he kiss and how did Rebecca know to ask? You weren’t one to eavesdrop, you knew it was rude and you would never want to invade someone’s privacy, especially not the privacy of your two bosses. However, all logic seemed to go out the window when imagining the American gaffer kissing someone.

“Oh Ted please, we’re both adults, we’ve both been married, we’ve both been through heartbreak, so please tell me, what do you think of Sassy?” Sassy? Why did you recognize that name? Well, if you could even consider that a name. You cap the highlighter, returning the writing utensil to your pocket before listening back in, “Why she’s just fine and dandy, nicer than the whole French city.”

Discarding your previous plan of handing the files directly to Rebecca, you instead write her a message on a sticky note and place it on top of the stack, leaving said stack on the desk. As you leave, you hear one more pressing question from Rebecca, “Oh Ted, please speak plainly for once and tell me what you think.” As you head back to your office, you can’t help but wish you were on Ted’s mind as much as he is on yours.

As you sit at your desk, you can’t help but think about Ted and Rebecca’s conversation, how did Ted meet Sassy? And where in the world do you know this name from? It feels like Ted spends all his time devoted to the team, how could he even have the opportunity to meet someone? He eats every meal at Crown and Anchor with Beard, and oftentimes you, that doesn’t give him much of an opportunity to meet a woman at the pub. The rest of his life is spent at his flat or Nelson Road, at least that’s how he made it seem when you all talked about your lives outside of work.

The Liverpool match took up so much of his attention, and it paid off if the game was to be used as evidence. Liverpool! That’s why you know the name Sassy! She was Rebecca’s mate who you met briefly after the game, Keeley was practically attached to her hip. Of course, it had to be Sassy, you couldn’t even go talk to your best friend about how you were feeling, she was practically in love with your competition.

Not that Sassy could even consider you as competition, Ted hardly knew you existed, well, on a romantic level at least. Working as Richmond’s physical therapist, you often made decisions hand in hand with Ted. It was not something you had experienced before with coaches at the previous amateur teams you worked with, they just did what they wanted and left you to pick up the pieces of their sore players. Ted, on the other hand, wanted you right there as he created plays and decided which players should fill which roles, he wanted to make the decisions that were best for the team’s success but also best for the safety and health of his players.

You considered Ted a close friend and you liked to think he thought the same of you, but that’s all it would ever be in his eyes. You were about twenty years his junior, after all, he was far in his career and a wonderful dad, and he had been married before. You, on the other hand, were just starting off, Richmond was your first role as head therapist, many still saw you as a kid even in your mid-20s, and your longest relationship had only lasted a year before your ex decided you were “too much” for him.

To the rest of the world, you were at two stages in your life, how could that ever even work? But in your mind, none of that truly mattered. Different stages in your career didn’t really mean anything, you loved kids and were getting to the point of wanting to start your own family. But at the end of the day, you were inexperienced, you had run off every partner you ever had because of how “needy” you were. You were young. Too young. So you would love Ted from afar, laughing at pop culture references that no one else but Beard understood, nodding in agreement at his motivational speeches to the boys, and admiring the way he put his entire self into everything that he did.

Noticing the time, you realize you would be running late for the pre-training meeting if you didn’t get a move on. You grab your copy of the playbook, checking the pockets of your athletic leggings for your signature highlighter and red pen. You head down the hallway to the locker room, passing through the gym when you hear low voices, looking over to notice the window shared with the coaches’ office was open. “Well, are you going to ask her out, Coach?”

Your eyes widen, walking far enough into the room where you are hidden from the view through the window, deciding to again selfishly listen in, “That’s the thing Coach, I would love that. But I’m me and she’s… well, she’s her. I tell the boys to not be judgmental, but I can’t help but judge myself for having these feelings.” You sigh softly as you shake your head, you hated that Ted thought this way about himself. Any woman would be lucky to have Ted, even if that woman was Sassy and not you. “Ah fuckin’ ‘ell Lasso, you would tell any of those muppets in there to go for what they wanted, why shouldn’t you get to do the same thing?”

You clear your throat quietly, pushing down tears as they well in your eyes, rounding the corner to make yourself known before you have to hear Ted talk about Sassy even more, “Hey team!” Three men in the room jump slightly, startled by your appearance while Roy remains still, not being surprised by anything apparently. Ted runs his hand through his hair, seeming to be frazzled, “Well what do you know, Ms. Sheryl Crow, how’re you Y/N?”

A laugh leaves your mouth though it is much quieter than your normal response to Ted’s humor, something you hope goes unnoticed by the rest of the room. “Oh, I’m okay, just life as normal.” Giving a tight-lipped and forced smile, you thank every god above as Nate asks a question, a stupid one at that, which switches the conversation off of you. Roy lets out a groan and disgruntled mutter about Nate, an offhanded comment that brings out a laugh, hoping your smile dispels any suspicions anyone had about you and your short response to the earlier question. And for the most part, it does, no one in the room is any the wiser about how you are truly feeling, no one, that is, but Ted, whose concerned eyes never leave you.

By the time training was done, you felt emotionally exhausted. After hours of canned laughter, forced smiles, and repressed tears, you just wanted to go home. But nope, it was then a couple of hours in the clinic working on the players. Thankfully with a more hands-on task, the time passed quicker than it did during training. Back in your office, you pack up your backpack before hearing a knock, looking up to find Keeley at the door with her signature smile. “Babes! You’re not answering your texts!” You turn on your phone as it sits on your desk, realizing you have numerous texts from her as well as other contacts, “Shit, sorry Keels, I’m just out of it today.”

Keeley’s smile falls, clearly able to tell that you are not your normal cheery self, “What’s up? Why are you so frowny?” You attempt to give her a smile but before she can even call you on your bullshit, your tears can no longer be held back. “Oh, babes!” She walks you over to the couch in your office, and sits you down, passing you a tissue from the box on your coffee table, “What is going on? Does Roy need to beat some prick up?” You laugh lightly as you wipe away your tears though your effort is for nothing, more tears just falling in their absence, “N-no, it's okay. I don’t want to bother you.”

Your friend looks at you with wide eyes, “Are you absolutely mental? Something that is bugging you like this is never going to be a bother.” You shrug slightly, looking at your lap in embarrassment, “I know I’m not your only friend though, and I don’t want to be an arse and talk shit about someone you like.” Keeley pulls you closer, rubbing your arm in a comforting manner, “You’re right, I do have other friends. But none like you, you’re my best mate. Now tell me what’s going on.”

Taking a deep breath, you tell Keeley what you overheard earlier in the day, both from Rebecca’s office and the coaches’ office. She nods along as you speak, paying close attention until you let out a sigh after finishing your story, “Well, I haven’t talked to Rebecca today, so I don’t know what Ted said. But I do know that Sassy left to find Ted the other night in Liverpool and then came back like, ten minutes later.” You shake your head as you wipe away your last tears, “But that doesn’t mean anything Keeley. They still kissed. It's not like I had a chance with Ted anyway but now I really don’t, he has real feelings for her!” Admitting out loud what you had been ruing all day, you begin to cry again, sobbing softly at how stupid you felt.

Approaching your office door, Ted ran through his script in his mind. He wanted to check on you but he also didn’t want to cross any boundaries. Sure, you were friends, really good friends he would say, but you also technically work for him and you’re a beautiful young woman. He would never want to make you uncomfortable. Which is why he came up with what to ask you, wanting to be careful to avoid stepping over the line.

However, his script was immediately forgotten as he reached your ajar door, hearing your cries from behind. His brows furrowed, terrified that you were hurt, either physically or emotionally, and determined to help however he could. But before he could push the door open more, he heard someone quietly shushing you, someone he soon recognized to be Keeley. He paused, relieved to know that you weren’t alone while feeling this way. He weighed his decisions, popping his head in to offer his aid and support or leave you two ladies be. But before he could decide, he hears your soft voice from the other side of the door, “There’s no reason he would want to be with me, I know that. He’s absolutely perfect, he would never want an idiot kid like me when he could get someone like her. Even though I always knew that I just feel so broken now that it actually happened.”

Ted backed away from the door, slowly walking to Nelson Road’s exit and making his way home, sending a quick text to Beard to apologize for not being able to make it to beers that night. As he walked on the cobblestone path, he couldn’t help but feel his heart hurt, how could you think that way about yourself? You were one of the most amazing people Ted had ever met. You were incredibly intelligent and ridiculously gorgeous; you appreciated all of his humor and had compassion that rivaled that of the virgin Mary. Hell, all of this and more is why he fell for you. But of course, you had your eyes set on someone else. It only makes sense. You were still young, you had so much of your life ahead of you, and he was a tied-down old man with a kid. Let’s be honest, your job was literally to touch and massage some of the most athletic people in the world, why would you want to be with him?

Even though he was feeling a bit torn up at confirmation that his feelings were unrequited, he felt most sad about how you talked about yourself. No one deserved to feel unworthy of love, but you especially didn’t deserve that. You always made sure everyone in your life was supported and had all they needed, it was one of the first things he noticed about you. When he was putting together birthday celebrations for Sam during his first week, you were already making a grocery list of cake supplies before Ted even came to you with his idea. You had a calendar with all of the players’ birthdays sitting on your smaller desk, working as an assistant physical therapist at the time, and knew that Sam’s was coming up. On your small salary and in your unappreciated position, you wanted to make sure the birthday boy didn’t go unrecognized. If you could offer that love to everyone in your life, even those that annoyed you like Nate, you deserved to have someone show you that same love, if not an even greater love.

After a talk with Keeley that was full of hugs, tears, and dirty jokes (mostly from her), you made your way home, deciding to have a quiet night filled with ice cream and Nancy Meyers films. Keeley offered to join you though you quickly brushed her off, sending her to have a conversation with Roy after she told you about their kiss over the weekend that ended with him running off like a fucking twat. Pulling your fuzzy blanket over your crossed legs, you pulled the ice cream carton from its spot on your coffee table and into your lap, pressing play on The Holiday. You roll your eyes at Jude Law’s flirting, what bullshit. A man with an accent foreign to the woman, a man with a young child mind you, was gonna get the girl, and that girl was gonna get her happy ending. Fucking Hollywood lies.

Your internal screaming fit at the television was interrupted by a knock on the door. You groan, putting the frozen tub back on the coffee table, wrapping your blanket around you as you walk to the door in your pajamas, “Right as I got fucking comfortable.” You open the door, planning to rudely take your anger out on the person likely meaning to knock on your neighbor’s door, but instead, you find your favorite American standing there, hands in his pockets as he nervously makes eye contact with you, “Ted?” He takes a hand out, giving you a small wave, “W-what are you doing here?” He ponders your question before looking around, seeming to remember he’s still in the hallway of your flat building, “Can I come in?”

Nodding, you open the door wider to allow him in, closing it behind him before you walk over to the living room, grabbing your ice cream container and then making the short walk to your kitchen to put it in the freezer. “I love the soundtrack for this one.” Walking back into the living room, you offer Ted a confused look before noticing him point to your film selection, “Oh yeah. It’s a great one, even if the plot is unrealistic bullshit.” Ted’s eyes widen as you cross the room to the couch, sit down and turn off the television. Sure, you cuss occasionally, but never in such an intense and negative tone. He apprehensively sits on the other side of the couch, turning to see you looking at him expectantly, “Why are you here, Ted?”

Ted clears his throat, his mind suddenly blank. He had practiced exactly what to say to you on the way over, how to gracefully tell you that he accidentally eavesdropped while also telling you that anyone would be lucky to have you but keeping his feelings a secret. He had figured it all out but the moment he saw you, he lost it all. He could only focus on you. “Oh, um well, I was worried about you. This morning, you weren’t exactly yourself and I wanted to check in.”

You show a small smile at his compassion, of course, he noticed that something was wrong and of course, that meant he then took the time out of his evening to come and check on you. This man was practically perfect, and yet he wasn’t yours, “Yeah, I mean, it was just a rough morning. Got some bad news before training, that’s all. Ted, it's nice and all that you came over to check on me, but you really didn’t have to change your evening plans to do that.” Ted nods in response, looking down as he plays a bit with his fingers, he knows he didn’t have to, he wanted to though, “I know that. Truthfully, I stopped by your office earlier to check on you but you already had company.

Cocking your head to the side, you look at him confused, you had no clue what he was referring to. No one had been in your office that day, no one but you and, oh god, “Shit.” You stand up, beginning to pace around the room with anxiety. Of course, your luck worked out like this. You cried at work about being in love with your boss and he overheard, of course, because why wouldn’t that happen? He was there to fire you, to let you down easily both about your feelings and your job. “Shit, Ted, I’m sorry. I-I promise, this won’t get in the way of my job. I love Richmond and I love the team, please, I would never want to put that in jeopardy.”

Looking confused out of his mind, Ted stands up and steps in front of you, stopping your pacing, “Woah, Y/N, I’m not firing you. Honestly, I don’t even know if I have the power to do that, I like to leave all that stuff up to Mrs. Big Boss. But, even if I did, why would I fire you over being sad that someone you like turned you down? Now, I thought you would know me better than to think I would do something like that.” You look up with wide eyes, he didn’t know, he didn’t know the ‘someone’ was him. “Oh no, um, I know that Ted, sorry. I just, I thought it was something else.”

Thankfully he lets you off without further explanation, though he was still incredibly lost, what else could it have been that you would think would be worthy of him firing you? You return to your spot on the couch, expecting him to follow you except it was now his turn to anxiously pace. “Now, one time in middle school, we had a dance unit and were taught different kinds of dances like line dancing and square dancing. They also taught us disco and I was just absolutely horrible, could not get it down no matter how many times I watched Saturday Night Fever. I bring this up because I don’t want that again, I want to avoid bad vibes as much as I can.” You nod, holding in a laugh at his story, not wanting to interrupt whatever he was working up to say, “I overheard what you said to Ms. Keeley and I just want you to know, Y/N, it is not true at all.”

Your breath catches in your throat, what did he just say? “Now, I don’t know who this guy is but he must be darn stupid if he’s letting you get away. But ya know what, forget him. You don’t need him. You are just perfect on your own. You are not an idiot and you’re not a kid, which I’m pretty sure means you scientifically can’t be an idiot kid. I know I’m just an old man saying all this and it probably doesn’t matter but just…Hell, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time and I’m still not entirely in it, I’m as single as a batter running only to first base. None of this probably means anything to you, but I hope you believe me because you are one special woman, Y/N.”

You were speechless, Ted just said everything you ever wanted to hear and yet you could only focus on one part, “What about Sassy?” Having turned himself away from you in his nervous pacing during his monologue, Ted turns to face you with a wild expression on his face, “What’re you on about?” You look down at your hands, shrugging as you wonder if you can get yourself out of the situation, “Just, this morning, before training, I overheard you talking to Rebecca and she asked you about Sassy. You said you don’t kiss and tell…” You trail off, not wanting to finish your sentence one because you hadn’t stayed around long enough to hear Ted’s response beyond that, but also because you were worried about what that answer was. “Before training? Was this before or after you got your bad news?”

Fuck, he was figuring it out.

Sighing, Ted walks over to the couch, sitting closer to you this time, your knees almost close enough to touch but still leaving a distance between the two of you, “Y/N, Sassy found me this weekend after the match and kissed me,” you nod sadly in response, looking away as you hope he can’t see the tears beginning to roll down your face, “but I pulled away so I could tell her I was interested in someone else.” Why was he telling you this? He’s not interested in Sassy, so what? Not like the specific person matters to you, it hurt just the same. Ted sighs again, sliding just close enough that your knees bump each other, “Honey, please look at me.”

You turn to meet Ted’s eyes, his expression falling when he sees the tears running down both cheeks. He raises a hand, gently brushing the tears away, “Why are you crying?” You shake your head which then shakes his hand off, bringing your palm up to wipe away your tears, “’s stupid.” Ted tuts at you, “It’s not stupid if it’s got you worked up like this.”

Well, you’re already crying in front of Ted and are too embarrassed to ever show your face at work again, hopefully, Rebecca will accept an emailed letter of resignation and still be willing to be a reference, “It’s you.” Ted’s heart drops, he made you cry like this? Should he have not said any of those things? Did he say something wrong? He should have never come over, he just knew it, stupid Ted, always messing things up, “I-I made you cry?” You shake your head again, still not meeting his eyes, “No, well, kinda. Ted, it’s you, you’re the guy. I was talking to Keeley about you.”

Ted lets out a chuckle, unable to keep it in. What the fuck, you basically just told this man, your boss that you’re in love with him and he has the audacity to laugh? Before you can ask what the hell is wrong with him, his voice interrupts his laughter, “Well, this is perfect.” You lift your eyes to meet his, seeing a bright smile across his face, how can he possibly be smiling right now? Seeing the confusion on your face, Ted places his hand on your knee, “You’re the ‘someone else’, Y/N. I told Sassy I’m not interested in her because I have feelings for you.”

The world stopped. Well, it didn’t, it still moved on its axis while also moving around the sun but for you, the world stopped. The world stopped as your world sat in front of you, telling you that he felt the same. “What?” You were struck with disbelief, how could Ted feel the same? He was a successful coach and the best father in the world and you were merely a member of his team who can only barely rent a car legally. Ted nods, his smile seeming to grow even though you didn’t think that was possible from how wide it had been, “Yeah darling, it’s you.”

Your smile matches his as you launch yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck as his wrap around your waist, it was perfect, it was natural. Though you wish you could spend the rest of the time like that, you pull away, your faces close enough that he rubs the tip of his nose against yours. “Are we really doing this?” Ted smiles softly at you, sensing your euphoric feeling of disbelief because he was experiencing it too, “I think we are.”

You let out an excited squeal, pulling him in for a kiss. It was messy, far too much teeth from you both still smiling and your dried tears seemed to stick to his skin but it didn’t matter. It was messy but it was perfect, just like the two of you.

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