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caneannabelle · 3 years

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ok hi guys. it’s been a while. i wrote this analysis back when Mag 187 aka Checking Out aka The One Where Helen Dies first came out and literally ever since i’ve posted it i’ve wanted to redo it because it feels. lacking. listen if there’s one thing i hate it’s incomplete media analysis and i must right my wrongs lest i be forced to look upon myself and crumble from within. that being said, i’ve been putting off this rewrite for a long long time bc Life Gets Weird. tldr this was written over the course of several months so i apologize for inconsistent quality. anyways let’s get into it!

part one: recap!

it’s been a while! let’s just go over what happened. the scene i wanna focus on in particular is this one:

VICTIM

You’ve got to help me!

ARCHIVIST

[Angrily] Don’t touch me!

[THE ARCHIVIST PULLS AWAY, AS THE VICTIM FALLS AND IS CRYING]

HELEN

Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?

(187).

that being said i’m gonna be kind of all over the place but! i do think that’s a good jumping off point.

part two (part one): disparaging everyone’s problematic fav

in my original post my point was that in reflexively reacting to a victim with disgust and anger jon inadvertently reveals the nature of his dedication to helping victims as ego driven, especially because this line is directly preceded by him asserting his moral high ground over helen as being a “protector” as opposed to her indulgence in destruction. what i’m saying is homeboy has a savior complex. honestly there’s a lot of evidence to support that claim but i think the most obvious example would be jordan kennedy. like.

JORDAN

…Yeah. But wrong. Sick.

What did you do to me?

ARCHIVIST

I helped you.

JORDAN

Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!

(184). to be clear it’s an action with a good intent! he just wants to help someone who once helped him! BUT it also demonstrates a lack of conscious empathy. i feel like i don’t have to argue this since jordan Literally vocally said he didn’t want this several times throughout the scene but the point remains that while jon’s intent is good the actual application of his saviourism removes the autonomy of those he affects. i’m not gonna touch on the “is it objectively immoral to become an oppressor for the sake of self preservation while existing within an extreme system in which all are oppressed regardless of your individual status” query mostly because i do not have the brainpower available rn to come to my own conclusion about systems of power and the way they’re represented in tma (which is a whole other rant tbh) but jon DOES rob jordan of the ability to come to his own conclusion in this debate and make his own choice, thereby removing his autonomy. you know. autonomy. free will. the thing that is central to jon’s internal conflicts. huh.

anyways i NEED to stress that i’m not saying that he’s the same as jonah or the web or even annabelle (although annabelle is a victim. no i don’t take constructive criticism). i just want to point out that his actions reflect a lack of understanding. while he’s able to empathize with the pain others experience and is eternally hyper- aware of it he is unable to view that pain through any lense besides his own and uses it in his cycle of self pity and blame, minimizing it at any point possible in the quickest way and Not prioritizing the wishes of the victim but instead the efficiency in decreasing his own guilt. anyways back to 187- both the victim and jordan are treated as props by jon (and helen) and once they serve their purpose in reaffirming the two’s sense of self are cast aside and ignored. ok from here i’m gonna get conceptual and self indulgent bc it’s my analysis and i get to bring up vague convoluted philosophy.

part two (part two): part two

let’s talk about the distortion for a sec. i refuse to believe helen and michael were both completely gone and it was just the distortion piloting their visage, mostly because… like that’s not what the text would indicate

HELEN

Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST

What happened?

HELEN

He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.

Lost my way.

(101). it’s heavily implied that there was SOME remainder of michael in there, even if the being wasn’t him. maybe i’m way off base here but the way i interpreted the implosion of michael was that it was driven by his inability to maintain the repressed resentment and anger he had for gertrude. like it’s pretty clear that some warped version of michael’s feelings were trapped inside of the distortion and i’d go as far as to say that they were integral to his formation as it. i’m gonna operate on the assumption that michael and helen are two separate beings here for a sec even though we know they’re not. As opposed to michael’s resentment for the archivist, helen actively sought refuge in the institute and from the small amount we saw of her Pre-Distortion it seems like her paranoia is internally directed. i think you could even say that while michael was caught in an eternal battle with the concept of connection, helen is caught in a battle with the concept of self. the point is that she thinks of jon in a less “The Archivist” sense and more as just That Guy who she had an intense connection with that one time.

ARCHIVIST

So… S-so what do you want?

HELEN

I don’t know. Helen liked you, so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.

(101). i would also like to point out that helen’s emergence as the distortion coincides with jon coming to terms with his identity as the archivist. parallels, baby! SO helen is a newly formed being that is grappling with the concept of her own existence and jon is reevaluating his understanding of identity as he comes to terms with the fact that he is turning into the thing he’s fighting against and this is all happening at the same time. live laugh love. stay with me here, i promise i’ll get back to 187. Throughout seasons 4 and 5 helen attempts to validate her own moral decisions via jon who she once saw herself in. conversely, jon sees both an image of what he could become AND arguably a representation of his past failure in her.

ARCHIVIST

It did. I think… I mean, you remember how I was back then, how paranoid. The Not!Sasha was there, and I could sense something wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t place it. It left me a suspicious wreck. Then when Helen Richardson came in, it seemed like… she was in the same place I was, but worse, further along. I thought, maybe if I could help her, that would mean… maybe I wasn’t beyond help?

(188). helen and jon lie at opposite ends of the same spectrum. both of them derive pleasure from the suffering of others

HELEN

Oh, John! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it.

ARCHIVIST

[Sadly] I know.

(187). needless to say that a LOT of jon's arc and the themes surrounding him focus on the concept of autonomy and addiction and i think it'd be fair to say that this component is an aspect of that. repressing these qualities is both a way of reaffirming his control and also just.. him trying to be what he perceives as Good, and season 5 is the point at which this comes to the forefront of his character- particularly the line between what is intrinsic and what he truly has control over. a battle of the concept of the self, if you will. while the two share similar traits, jon is intensely moralistic while helen indulges in a twisted sense of hedonism and both are fueled by an inability to expand their viewpoint. helen fully immerses herself within these qualities and intentionally blinds herself to any concepts of morality (indulgence), and jon actively pushes back on this as hard as he can and follows black and white moral framework (repression). this means that in order for their relationship to function he must either accept her, choosing to let go in his personal battle with autonomy OR she must break out of her worldview and conform to standards of human morality which goes against her own nature.

part three: questions i do not have the answer to

so. what does it all mean. WELL. 187 is the boiling point of all this tension. we know that helen relies on jon to validate her sense of self and we know that jon sees himself in helen, both past and present

HELEN

But that doesn’t make any sense. You barely met her. You had half an hour together, and she spent most of that ranting about mazes! She was positively delirious with paranoia!

ARCHIVIST

True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point.

HELEN

So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?

(187). I’d argue that 187 is demonstrative of jon’s inability to either fall into complete indulgence in intrinsic values that lack moral validity vs. maintain and image of self that does not conflict with the values he attempts to uphold in order to find internal satisfaction and yes both of those concepts are inherently egocentric as he bases his moral judgement on what he can justify to himself instead of what can be calculated via empathy. however. paired with the alternative (helen). is that BAD. is it inherently selfish to do what you perceive as good in order to feed your own savior complex? and if so, is it inherently selfish to indulge in destructive qualities as to not delude yourself? is honesty vs deception a black and white question? if not, where does helen even fall? in not deluding herself does she achieve a moral high ground? IS she deluding herself by denying the potential to be facetiously benevolent at the detriment of both her personal enjoyment and her honesty? does helen even posses the capability to repress her violent qualities? if she doesn't, does she have any autonomy? if she and jon are both inherently selfish and intentionally resistant to introspection, what makes them different? i do not have answers but i do think the text is meant to invoke these questions. i mean,

MICHAEL (STATEMENT)

There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those which revile it? Perhaps Gertrude believed so. Michael certainly did. He believed everything she told him.

(101).

part 5: conclusion

so once again. what does it all mean. well! even post helen’s death jon continues to fight for autonomy and preserve his moral worldview so. i think that probably indicates something good.

MARTIN

Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess.

ARCHIVIST

She didn’t even try.

(188). i honestly don’t have a thesis i just find it incredibly interesting how the themes surrounding these two intersect and play off of each other. anyways looping back to 187 i do think in a broad sense jon killing helen is representative of him choosing to stick by his convictions and keep fighting. i don’t have any good way to end this but thanks for sticking around during my self indulgent rambling!

#also apropos of nothing but #this scene reminds me of a clive barker story #truly that has nothing to do w this analysis i just wanted to throw this in the tags #anyways! hope this makes sense #i had a friend who’s never listened to tma read over this to make sure that it’s coherent #and she said it was fine so.. alice ty #this was fun! i have lots of Thoughts on tma and i should write them more often #the magnus archives #mag 187 #jonathan sims #the archivist #helen richardson #helen distortion #michael shelley #tma meta #the distortion #the spiral #tma

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hoidn · 3 years

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my big reference post of tritype 145 - The Researcher Archetype. everything copy/pasted as-is. some deletion; none correction.

145 Overview [source]

If you are a 145, you are diligent, intuitive, and knowledgeable. You want to be ethical, original and wise. Highly intellectual, you are focused on what you perceive is correct and above reproach. Research oriented, you seek and quote the opinions of experts to avoid being seen as ignorant. Your life mission is to study and learn as much as you can and then teach the wisdom of what you have learned to others. A true researcher, you are happiest using your investigative skills. You can be so identified with the information that you have gathered and the correct way of doing things that you feel exhausted and can appear to be a persnickety know it all. 478 and 451 are very different types of 4. The 478 is intensely individualistic and more assertive whereas the 451 is individualistic but much more introspective and reserved. The 478 is somewhat optimistic and focuses more on the need for inspiration than the 451. The 451 is more particular and is more motivated by gathering meaningful information that is useful. (4)-5-1 - The Competent 4 4-(5)-1 - The Idealistic 5 4-5-(1) - The Withdrawn 1 Intellectual. May be involved in philosophy. They enjoy coming to understand themselves and their world. Calling all 145s... You have reported a strong need to be above criticism and to avoid the glare of judgment and scrutiny. You have also reported how difficult it is for you to express yourself especially if you feel emotional. As a 415, you would need to carve a distinct image of being unique, appropriate and wise. The 3 together create a defense strategy that focuses on getting the information needed 'to be correct' to feel safe... No one wants to be wrong, but this Tritype tends to easily feel self-conscious and can be shy. So, the 145 researches to have something interesting to say and to be above criticism. The 415's I know are most capable of intellectual circumspection with a twist of the romantic and mysterious. They seem to balance out the emotional realm with the intellectual, but sometimes my 415 friends can be overly critical and defiant of any thing that is stereotypical or oppressive that could impact their search for an ideal mate...Another thing about the 415s I know is they are very perfectionist, overly sensitive to any perceived stereotyping, and an academically-minded four, but they never quite feel self-satisfied or finished, sometimes falling into long states of procrastination...They have an amazing ability to dissect their own emotions rationally... Think Frustration (1-4) meets Competence (1-5) meets Withdrawing (4-5)and you get a rather persnickety perfectionist who needs plenty of downtime. On the high side what they produce can be of unparalleled depth and beauty. out of 458/459/451 I'd guess that both 459 and 451 would seem more 5-like (or, more accurately, be more likely to be mis-typed as 5) than 458. 451 is the most 5ish 4. Rational and scientific. 451 - knowledgeable and discerning 4. Most intellectual 4, especially if social subtyle of with a 5 wing. Likes to teach.

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Comparing 1 + 4 Archetypes (145, 146 and 147) [source]

The 3 tritypes concerned with having ONE and FOUR fixes (145, 146 and 147) display those behavioral and psychological patterns :

Anger and Envy combine into a peculiar, reflective personality whose goals entail being able to comprehend and coerce their emotional life into a suitable structure in which they can further refine it into something greater;

Double frustration stance ; the need to feel that life isn't going to fulfill and satisfy its own wishes and wants is enhanced;

Sullen, complex and refined energy;

The structure-building, conscience-driven ONE is at odds with the self-expressing, moody FOUR;

There is a real conflict between the ONE's need to be removed from it instinctive nature and the FOUR need to keep in touch with its original nature;

Most likely combination to be seen as original, critical and seeking refinement;

Differences Between Archetypes

Expressing Creativity

• 145s aren't known for being truly creative tritypes, but they can show it by exploring new areas of knowledge that haven't been discovered or touched upon. They are excellent at finding the missing link between two theories or simply by researching enough on something;

Intellectual Curiosity

• 145s in often considered to be one of the most intellectual and cerebral archetypes. This is because they tend to dive deep into a subject and look for what's missing in order to make the exploration throrough and complete. Because of their capacity to amass large quantity of data, they can be known as a know-it-all;

Dealing with External Structure • 145s prefer to work within their own boundaries and strucutural approaches as they color and personalize external ones in order to work with them (most of the time);

Potential Problems • 145s can be so identified in pursuing additional knowledge and getting accurate information that this dauting task can become exhausting and leave you irritating and intolerant of outside advices. This tritype is also very critical and prone to correct others in their observations, making it frequently unliked and annoying if this attitude is persistent in time. Given that this archetype also tend to be very withdrawn and value their alone time, they should try giving others the benefit of the doubt and allow themselves to be educated freely and not only by verifiable sources;

Patterns & Structure • 145s are triple analytical and studying. This means that this archetype has all the three enneatypes in each center of intelligence that need to search a subject in depth, both intellectually and emotionally in order to come to an accurate and detailled conclusion. They can't be satisfied with normal or readily-found data, as they want to be as precise as possible in order to develop their compency and find new info that might have been overlooked. [...] Sexual subtypes are very intense and passionate and often feel compelled to research about taboo or bizarre subjects that make them feel connected to the human body in some way. They have a combination of prickly and passionate attitude that make them quite magnetic even though they want privacy too like the self-preservation subtype. They love to have deep and detailed conversations with their loved ones.

• 145s' most common MBTI types are : INFJ (451) [#GPOY], INTJ (514), INTP (541) and sometimes INFP (451). This tritype is most commonly found within introverted intuitives and are more rarely found elsewhere.

• 146s are more doubtful of what they know to be true than 145s, who in turn are more confident in their capacity to understand and accumulate information;

• 145s are prickly and hard to know personally

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Comparing 4 + 5 Archetypes (458, 459 and 145) [source]

The 3 tritypes concerned with having FOUR and FIVE fixes (458, 459 and 145) display those behavioral and psychological patterns :

Envy and Avarice merge into a very private, introspective and sensitive personality. People with this combination prefer to live through their imagination and have a hard time getting through action in the real world;

Double Withdrawn stance : the need for saving up personal energy and straying away from overwhelming stimulation is increased;

Quiet, meditative, emotional and cerebral energy;

Sensitivity and attachment to emotional states of FOUR is at odds with the detached, aloof stance of FIVE;

There is a conflict between the FOUR’s need to explore their emotional self and the FIVE’s need to maintain a neutral, unbiased stance;

Most likely combination to be seen as introverted, solitary and removed from its environment;

Differences between Archetypes

Relation to Anger

• 145s don’t like it when people don’t follow the same rigorous steps of information gathering and analyzing as they do. They can become frustrated and nitpicky with unmotivated and sloppy people;

Personal Strengths

• 145s are the best at further refining concepts and theories in their respective framework and mapping out uncharted territories thanks to their razor-sharp intellect;

Control from the Environment • 145s are more likely to quietly exert control over their own beliefs and what they perceive as adequate and may try to coerce people into using the same methodology as them;

Possible Mistypes • Sexual FOURS with a 145 tritype may mistype as a 458 because of their passionate nature and their easier access to anger than the other subtypes; [can confirm; cf this post!]

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Comparing 1 + 5 Archetypes (125, 135 and 145) [source]

The 3 tritypes concerned with having ONE and FIVE fixes (125, 135 and 145) display those behavioral and psychological patterns :

Anger and Avarice combine into a meticulous, stern and cerebral character. People with this combination are true intellectual who often chose to sacrifice efficiency by focusing more on establishing accurate standards and methods in order to ponder and look at things in a detach manner;

Double competency stance ; the need to detach from emotions and keep an objective eye to solve a problem is enhanced;

Very precise, laser-focused and deep thinker energy;

The conscience-driven, moralisitic ONE is at odds with the detached, system-building FIVE;

There is a conflict between the ONE's need to be right according to internal standards and the FIVE's need to be competend according to objective metrics and pure data;

Most likely combination to be considered intellectual, rational and detached;

Differences Between Archetypes :

Communications skills

• 145s are not prone to be quite social, but are more sensitive to their internal life, making their conversation a bit more heartfelt at times;

Fields of Interests • 145s love to learn about less practical subjects like science, philosophy, the occult, etc;

Social Roles • 145s like to dig deeper into untouched waters and make seemless links between disciplines. They are good at finding out what's missing and what's been overlooked;

Miscellaneous Differences • 145s are less preoccupied by performance and has a harder time to shapeshift than 125s and 135s;

• 145s can be a bit more poetic and mystical in their choice of words.

• 135s are better at making their work look attractive and convincing than 145s, who will prefer the actual content only then showcasing what they've worked on; • 145s are moodier and can have periods of melancholy while 135s are more removed from their emotional states; • 125s care deeply about what people think of them, even though they don't show it often. They are also able to ''mirror smile'' more often than 145s; • 135s can work on projects faster than 145s who will take their time more to fully grasp the actual subject; • 145s are more dependent of their internal state than 125s, who in turn are more affected by their emotional environment.

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[source]

Both the 451 and 459 are reserved and introspective and self conscious. The 451 is very critical of themselves and others. They are very particular and have a lot of shoulds. They can be strident. Dissatisfaction is visible as their energy can be prickly.

#enneagram #the reflective dissection #tree is a bad person #i mean look at this #everything here is absolutely correct #i am the MOST four #i am a stereotype of my type #and even a stereotype of my tritype #lolsob #what a piece of trash #451

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trophywifejimgordon · 4 years

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It’s over.

Just as soon as it started, almost, except for the part where it took an eternity. Except for the part where, though Daniel actually has experienced being pitted in a fight to the death before, and this was nothing like that, he just relived the past 35 years of his life, not “flashing before his eyes” so much as being jogged into his memory in chunks, hit by overwhelming hit. Every decision he ever made, and every one that was made for him, brought Daniel here, to this moment, to… victory?

Daniel LaRusso has won every most important fight in his life, and this one is no different; Johnny Lawrence now lies on his back, pinned there by the weight of Daniel’s foot resting on his chest. He’s not struggling anymore, just breathing hard and looking, really looking, at Daniel. Daniel’s not really so sure that he likes it.

He’d been face down, last time. Something like that. Daniel’d hardly had attention to spare on the disarmed bomb, not when his whole world was relief and agony and celebration and Miyagi and the sweeping crowd roaring his name and Ali. He had only even been distantly aware of Johnny handing him the trophy, and had, at the time, actually just assumed that he had been forced to by the bounds of tradition--after all, what did Daniel know, then, about the way of things at tournaments like these? It was only after Mike Barnes neglected to be the graceful loser that Daniel had even started to wonder… but Johnny had been long gone by then.

He’s here now, though. And there’s none of the rest; no roaring crowds, no debilitating pain in his knee, no Ali, no excitement, no relief. No Miyagi, either, but that’s kind of been the problem. It’s all over, and here, in the aftermath, there is only Johnny and Daniel, as there ever was, and looking down at Johnny’s wide eyes, Daniel is hit for the first time by the notion that, for you to win, someone else has to lose.

And of course, that should be no great surprise, no world shattering revelation--that is, after all, the business he’s in. Both karate and cars; it’s cutthroat, and it’s a competition, no matter how much he might preach otherwise (lie) to his class at Miyagi-do. But it is. A revelation. Daniel has spent the past year learning about Johnny Lawrence as a human being, more human than it ever felt comfortable to consider him, seeing him struggle and reach out and lash out and, admittedly, grow. There were times when Daniel had hated him, times when he almost thought they could be friends. But it is only now, staring defeat down into the waiting--not angry, not guilty, just… expectant--expression of his opponent, that it hits Daniel: there is a side to their story, and maybe there always was, where Daniel is the villain.

This breaks the man. That’s not him; he’s never been that. Daniel, growing up, had been friends with action comics and superheroes more than actual people--he tried, of course, but could never quite get anyone to stay. (Anyone but Mr. Miyagi, that is, but Daniel is old enough by now to suspect that he might have had his issues, too.) His mother--always a Daniel fan, as a rule--had encouraged him, told him he was too good for those other kids, anyhow, and he sort of believed her. Then he got older, and there was Kreese and Johnny and Chozen and Silver and Barnes, and the world was black and white, just like in the pages of his comics--there was a lesson in Daniel’s final two years of high school, and it was that his childish worldview had essentially been correct, that there was a good guy, and there was a bad guy, and most of the time, the role of the “good guy” fell to him. Growing up, if it could be called that, had done him no favors; while Daniel as a child had been (okay, he could admit it) a bit obnoxious, he had also been fresh and impressionable and wide eyed, ready to learn, always. Ready to shift his viewpoint. Age, as it does with all, or at least most, had made the walls around his worldview a little more stiff, while trauma (for that’s what it was, he realizes now, Trauma, with a capital T) had cemented them in place. The final, glancing blow to Daniel’s ability to bend before he broke was the death of the man who had taught him to do so in the first place; after he lost Mr. Miyagi, that had been it for him, the nail in the coffin. He was stuck. Unalterable, unchangeable. Bitter, and stiff, and unyielding, and more than any of that, completely unable to see it.

Because, who had time for self-contemplation when you were successful? Who had space for introspection when you were busy and moving up and, by all rights, happy? Daniel didn’t need to look inside or better himself; he was the good guy. He was a g-d damn heroic archetype, baby, and he helped people see the light, not the other way around.

And that mindset had lasted, it had served him, for the better part of eight whole years, or maybe a lifetime. It kept him going, affirmed his choices and supported his self-righteous streak, for all this time, and it was maybe going to keep powering on forever, through the very end of Daniel LaRusso until

suddenly

it didn’t.

And so he gaped down at Johnny Lawrence (old hat, by now, at being typecast as the villain in Daniel’s personal morality plays) and met his sad, blue eyes with sad, brown ones showing--though he did not know or altogether intend it--pure, abject terror right there on his face.

For the first time since Mr. Miyagi died, Daniel feels a shift, uncomfortable and alien and wild, and so all he can say, deer in the headlights wishing the car would come sooner, is, “My knee.”

He thinks about letting Johnny up, or at least removing his own personal peine forte et dure and making it an option. Daniel thinks about it, he hesitates, but he doesn’t move in the end.

Can’t.

“What,” Johnny says cautiously, expression still indecipherable, or maybe that’s Daniel. Despite the weight on his chest, he pushes himself up a little, halfway into a sitting position and resting on his elbows, and Daniel lets him. Can’t do anything about that, either.

“You didn’t go for my knee, you never did, even though you knew it was my weak spot. I must’ve left it open about a hundred times, I was stupid--but you didn’t take advantage. Why not, Johnny, huh? What did you get out of that?”

Johnny, like, licks his lips a little, probably (probably?) in contemplation, and his gaze flits between Daniel’s face and his leg, the one that’s still pinning him, the one that he and Bobby Brown but John Kreese most of all had done irreparable damage to 35 years back. He almost seems to challenge Daniel (though it’s probably just his keyed-up confrontation brain talking)--like, oh, you mean this knee?

Daniel isn’t sure what the look in Johnny’s eye means--he’s starting to figure out that he doesn’t understand Johnny Lawrence half as well as he’d prided himself on knowing him before--and there’s a second when half of him thinks Johnny’s about to lick a stripe up the surgery scars he caused and the other half thinks that Johnny’s about to strike first, strike hard, strike one last time and show no mercy as he shreds the tendon with his teeth, finishing what he started 35 years ago and ruining the leg for good.

Of course, he does neither of these things. All he does eventually is bring his gaze back up to Daniel’s eye--expression steel, more sober than Daniel has ever seen him--and say, “I keep telling you, man, and you don’t listen--that’s not who I want to be. I want to be better than I was taught. And you’re never gonna hear it.”

The truth of Johnny’s statement strikes him--in that moment, Daniel knows that Johnny’s strides toward redemption, his constant game of two steps forward, one step back, have not been petty or self-serving or convenient in the least for him; they’ve been genuine. Johnny has been struggling since their childhood, since he fell in with Kreese, and he’s still struggling right now; struggling to unlearn all the bad, three decades of toxic crap dumped on him and into him, because Johnny sees his faults and sees his failures and he wants to be more than the sum of them. It might mean (and just watch, this revelation is earth shattering) that Johnny is a better man than Daniel, who has never once looked in a mirror to do anything more than adjust his too-expensive tie before heading out on the sales floor. Who would Johnny be if he’d had someone like Mr. Miyagi for a mentor? Who would Daniel be if he hadn’t?

His breath, finally calmed down from the physical exertion, starts to speed up again, heart pounding in his chest, and oh, sure, why not, Daniel thinks he’s going to have a panic attack. The least he can do is free Johnny from the pin before he does so; things will probably get really, really strange, if not.

Shaky, trying to control his limbs and remember--well, pretty much anything about the simplest breathing techniques, Daniel lets him go.

After another second’s deliberation, he reaches down a hand.

“You’re wrong, Johnny,” he says (because nothing between them can be without petty disagreements, not even this), eyes focused on something he couldn’t name if his life depended on it, a spot on the floor just behind Johnny’s shoulder. The floor, the hardwood floor he’d installed himself, even after Amanda had dropped several hints that she wanted it done professionally, because he could handle it, and he had; his floor, in his house, because--oh, right--they’re in his house, his house in Encino, and this whole thing should reek of normalcy, and yet. “I hear you.”

The fight drains out of him entirely, and all of a sudden, Daniel is nothing so much as he is tired. Johnny takes his hand and lets himself be pulled up, and they’re both left standing, shells of men, hollow. Nothing inside. They look at one another and the reflection of their nothingness, and Daniel….

Well. Daniel, is broken.

And then, in a perspective shift like an earthquake, like a typhoon off the coast of Okinawa, like a crane kick in the fucking head, he just may be reforged.

#cobra kai #lawrusso #daniel larusso #johnny lawrence #text post #fanfiction #am i posting this here instead of ao3 because i crave instant validation more than i want to spend the time editing? yes.#do i hope you like it anyway? also yes #fun fact i wrote this entire thing just to give context to that line about johnny ripping apart daniel's tendon w/ his teeth #and this itself needs to be set in a larger context so. how far will it go #if i do ever post this my working title is 'my orthopedic knee specialist does not think the world of you'

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lokidrabbles · 4 years

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Hold My Hand (Loki x Reader)

Reader goes through an episode and begins to question their feelings for Loki

A/N: This is another angst ridden oneshot, which originally was intended as this super agonizing break up story, but I was able to end off in a much lighter note. Though I am not terribly ‘proud’ of this one, perhaps some of you can find some comfort in it! As always, Gender Neutral Reader! Warnings: Angst, mentions of depression, potential break up

The realization hit you like a barrage of bricks, and it was absolutely horrifying. The truth had been displayed right in front of you, and while the past year was wonderful and unbelievable, it had to be said. You had an instinct to declare it to yourself, so the tantalizing dream could finally break away.

You couldn’t be with Loki, because you didn’t love him.

Or, at least, you weren’t sure if you did.

A relationship with him was simply idealized in your head like a made up fantasy. You grew extremely close to him, and soon he became the first thing that would pop in your mind each day. It was wonderful to feel that same thrill, that same ecstatic excitement you had missed for so long. For a while, Loki had become your totem, a way to motivate yourself each and every single day. A role model who had overcome such travesty, and would help you push yourself to your fullest potential. He made you feel things you’d never imagine you could feel, both emotionally and physically. The best way you could describe it was an exquisite high, one you wished you would never run out.

It would all diminish as time passed on, and the extreme guilt overwhelmed your once content self. The same familiar cloud began to hung overhead, plaguing you with the worst intention. You had been using him as a way to replenish your long missed happiness. And it was the most selfish thing anyone could possibly do to him. You’d begin to recall the many nights you had selfishly coerced him to stay with you, an effort to avoid your loneliness and satisfy all of your physical needs. He would always comply, and you figured it was because something frothy like this with a human wasn’t as morally compelling for someone who was over a thousand years old.

But it was still using him for such a egoistic reason. And so you began to question whether the feelings you shared for him were based on something genuine, you actually being in love with him as a sole person, or because he paid attention to you, and kept you away from those debilitating memories.

The discourse in your head would soon begin to affect you, and it wouldn’t take long for Loki to begin to realize it.

Your energy around him began to dwindle, and his random pops into your home would almost be unnoticeable. It was as if your feelings or him, or anything relating to him, had completely hardened. The facade became exhausting, and soon your expression would too become hardened.

Loki, as introspective as he was, took a bit to catch onto it. He would fully come to confront you however once he saw you physically tense up at his playful hand over your waist. You had never reacted like this before, and the message was loud and clear. You did not want to be touched by him, it was just to difficult to deal with.

Your usual chipper walks back to your home were now silent and swift. You still felt some obligation to talk to him about what has been plaguing your mind, but even looking at him would cause physical discomfort. You were terrible, and you felt unworthy of even standing next to him.

An evening, one shrouded by a crescent moon and scattered night clouds, would finally provide you with the courage necessary to confront him. You recognized he was able to sense your nervousness, and began the excruciating conversation.

“What have you been hiding from me?” He asked, but you interpreted it as something more of a command.

You felt a lump form at your throat, still avoiding to look at him in the eyes. “I don’t think...we should be together anymore.”

He halted in his steps, as you continued to walk a couple ahead of him. You stopped however, remaining still, waiting for an answer.

“You’ll have to run that by me in a better way.” He said, his voice still firm.

You turned towards him, only looking at the path over his feet. “Just what I said. I don’t want us to be together anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” Your voice was hoarse, holding back the lump still.

The air became heavy, and Loki was still immobile with your words. He then scoffed, and chills ran through all of your body. “Right, of course.”

As if on response, your eyes began to fill up, the burning sensation making it difficult for you to notice. All you could do was nod. Pathetic.

“Could you, at least explain to me why?”

You weren’t really sure why, but a part of you wanted to scream out and tell him to just forget about what you said and go back to how it was. “I don’t want to be with you, that’s why.”

“Look at me, human.” He demanded again.

“Loki, I can’t-”

You felt his touch at your chin, and you flinched again. Loki stepped closer to you, and used his hand to raise up your face to finally look at him. You expected his expression to detail his rage and disappointment towards you. Indeed, you had used him like some fanciful thing to take away your insecurities and solitude. And you knew Loki was not a man who appreciated being toyed with. You braced for the worst, but was met instead with the look of a man who appeared....fearful.

Loki’s gaze darted all over your face, and you could notice the twitching at the corner of his lips. His eyes would too become glassy, shining with the dim moonlight. You had never seen him like this, but still felt disconnected from it all. You were disgusting.

“I’ve felt you pull away from me, from my touch, and I’d imagine I must have upset you in some way. But, this?” He said, a small nervous laugh escaping from his mouth. “I don’t...have I hurt you?”

You were so disgusting. “No. I’m sorry, it’s not that.” Your voice continued to linger, low and unfeeling.

“Tell me.” He said, and you noticed his jaw trembling. “Say what’s on your mind.”

You disconnected from yourself completely, wanting to avoid feeling the pain of your own words. It was better this way after all, and if it mean severing your connection from him, then so be it.

“I don’t...feel love for you. I don’t think I ever did. I’m so sorry for misleading you all this time. It’s just, I don’t think its fair to you.”

His face fell hollow. The shine is his eyes vanished, and he removed his hand from under your chin. It had been done.

“You are indeed, the worst kind of human I have ever encountered.”

You couldn’t breathe, and your body went numb. This was it, and the journey would be long and grueling. He hated you now, despised you.

Through the tormenting reality, you then felt him grip your arm harshly. You yelped, but it was soon cut off by Loki’s palm landing firmly over your forehead. He pushed your head backwards slightly, and you began to feel a warm sensation at it’s nexus. You felt your eyes roll at the back of your head and began to lose touch with your present reality, all too quickly.

Your vision became hazy, and smoky figures began to take form and shape in this new space Loki had throw you in. You began to hear murmurs of people talking, and the images and voices would become more apparent. Your memory would take its full shape, and two distinct figures fell into place in front of you.

It was you and Loki, together. You both were together in your home, sharing a warm drink across your kitchen table, squabbling about something you still couldn’t make out. Your voice would pan out, and the conversation would prick at your ears.

“If you ask me, I think you’re abilities are much more handy to have in combat than whatever Ironman’s fancy suit does.” You heard yourself say.

“If only everyone else shared your magnificent introspection of my combat ability. Alas, I am only restricted to certain things. Of course, I know exactly why, but it’s not very fun.”

“Well, I have a feeling you have a very skewed notion of fun, Mr. Mischief.”

“I think you humans have a very boring perception of fun.”

“But! We are still very charming in other ways, yes?”

You saw him roll his eyes, while swirling the hot drink in his hand. From an onlookers perspective, you saw yourself beam and giggle at his reaction. The smile forming across your face was addicting, and you had seldom seen yourself in such a way. Your hair was a mess, you wore unfitting clothes, and your face was natural and bare. It was a heavy contrast from Loki, who was wearing a well fitted suit, but it was something you did not bother to worry or feel conscious about. You knew how to be happy, that was for sure, but lately it was all amiss. You were happy during this moment however.

“Charming, in the sense that you seem to get an enjoyment out of my distress and suffering? Then yes.” He said, jestingly of course.

“Oh, I’m not that mean to you, am I? I just poke a little humor at you so you don’t feel so awkward with me.”

“I believe we are past that, aren’t we?”

You remembered how you had felt your hear flutter at his words. “What would that mean for you then, Mr. Mischief?“

“Perhaps this courtship has worked its way to my satisfaction. Or perhaps you are just fun, that is all.” He had shrugged casually, knowing he was teasing at you.

You sputtered a laugh. “Courtship? Sheesh. Let’s just call it dating and maybe we can work through that instead.”

“Dating is for children. If you’d like for me to be more bold,” You saw his hand reach over the table to hold at yours. “ This is my way of saying, that I have grown very fond of you.”

“Go on.”

He smirked. “I will admit, I was very apprehensive at first, especially considering the circumstances of our coming about. Also, I have a bad history with humans as it is.”

You saw yourself place your other hand over his, and you recalled gripping it tightly, as a way to demonstrate your own fondness over him. “It’s weird for me, to have you say that. Because I’ve come to known you for the person that you are today, and that’s why I’m always so excited to see you every day.”

“Then we share the same energy. I cannot promise you, however, that things will be...what you would consider ‘normal’. I hope you comprehend there’s a lot of baggage I carry with me still.”

“I guess I’ll have to ask you the same in regards to me.”

“I can tolerate anything you’ll throw at me dear, in that you can have my word. I’ll support you through everything.”

“Can I tell you something, that is completely vulnerable and embarrassing?”

He nodded, and you saw how you had worked up your own courage to reveal something you had long forgotten about.

“I haven’t really felt like this about anyone in such a long time. It’s scary, especially considering you’re an alien to me, but I think I can say I lo-“

“Stop. Stop it. Don’t.”

You had completely forgotten about this too. You had come to discover about Loki’s inward embarrassment for when someone would flat out mention those three little words to him. You recall how his mouth twisted, and how he averted his gaze at you, as if to hide to pinkness in his cheeks.

“Oh my god, you really can’t hear it, can you?” You had asked teasingly.

“Don’t push it. We were having such as great conversation, and then you-”

“Oh, Loki I love you sooooo much!” You exclaimed, with your own mischievous smile.

He got up from his seat in a huff, walking away into your living room while murmuring something along the lines of how much he hated you and how it was all a mistake. You skipped behind him, still saying those words in a sing song manner. You heard him raise his voice at you, but it all became muddled once more. The fixed image began to smoke and haze out, now left with puddles of memories. It began to roll off, leaving a single pinpoint of light and you felt your body transported back to the present. Your eyes rolled back into place, and you gasped heavily.

You pushed Loki off of you, causing you to stumble backwards. You attempted to catch your breath, as you began to process what exactly had happened. “What did you do to me?” You asked in between huffs. “What did you do!”

“What’s the matter?” he asked, looming over you. “Surely you’d remember something like that, or perhaps it was too painful?”

“Don’t you ever do that to me again!” You exclaimed, stepping away from him. “How fucking dare you get in my head like that!”

“No, how dare you just toss something like that to the side?” He snarled at you, but you stood your ground. “You really expect me to believe something like that?”

A rush of adrenaline hit you, furious at how he had entered your subconsciousness, and furious at how he wanted to manipulate the situation. You clenched your teeth, allowing him to release everything onto you, despite it all.

“I’ve simply demonstrated to you exactly what your mind is experiencing. Not wanting to be with me? Very unlikely.” He continued, now completely towering over your.

You couldn’t comprehend the level of arrogance he was showing. “You don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t believe how pretentious you are being about this!” You said.

“You’re acting as if you never knew this about me. However, I did hear something else in your mind.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“I do know you, stupid human. You’ve been calling yourself those poisonous words again. They continue to echo inside your mind, and you didn’t bother to discuss it with me. Why?”

The distance between the both of you was smaller now, but Loki hadn’t made a move to lay a finger on you. You expected him to reach out to you, encircling his arms around you, and shushing you, telling you everything would be okay. But you had been pushing away during this whole time know, and perhaps this had been his way to respect your space. You desperately sent out a solemn thought to him, to disregard all of the foolish things you have done and to simply embrace you tightly.

“I don’t know.” You felt the tears stream down your face, as you began to tug at your hair. “I’m so sorry, please it’s not you.“

You toppled downwards on your knees, and unleashed the wave of unrelenting depression and anger. Your wails were horrendous, and they echoed all over the block. You never wanted something like this to happen, and you never wanted to hurt him in such a way.

Shortly, you felt the same familiar warmness across your shoulders and back, feeling Loki’s breath at the top of your head. Your body continued to shake violently, still adjusting to the sudden release of sentiment, but experiencing a huge sense of relief, as if a boulder had been lifted from your back.

“I’m sorry I invaded your mind like that.” He whispered to you. “But I wanted to show you that memory I hold closer and dear to me. I still feel the same, and I hope you still do as well.”

Your mind traveled back to that moment in time, now possibly forever crystallized in your head. Both you and Loki, holding each other’s hands, allowing each other to be as vulnerable as possible, while still providing each other with the utmost security and confidence, as much as any two individuals could.

“Do you still wish to end this?” He asked sternly.

You shook your head, burying your face deep into his shoulder. “No, but, I don’t feel like I should just accept it like this. I fucked up so much, I hurt you-”

“You did not hurt me.” He cut in. “I’m not a child you know. You saw me clearly telling you before, did you not? I will be with you, even at your lowest of moments.”

“I’m so sorry, I do still love you.” You said with a muffled voice.

He let out a low chuckle. “I’ll still recoil upon hearing those words. I do apologize for that, but you have nothing to apologize for. You are the most important and precious thing in the universe to me. So please, promise me that you won’t go through your anguish on your own anymore. For me?”

It had been something you were longing for throughout that night, his own special way of unraveling the mess that you concocted inside yourself. It was that utmost attention to detail which continued to draw yourself to him. He had used this piece of time, this memory which you both shared, not to manipulate or coax you into something else, but you simply remind you. You saw yourself, happy in the presence of this man, and you saw him re-experiencing the same long lost feeling.

#loki #loki angst #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki drabble #loki drabbles #loki (mcu)#loki laufeyson

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m-oana-archive · 4 years

Text

A Love Too Heavy (For Just One to Hold) pt. 3

catch up on pt. 1 | pt 2.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader x Remus Lupin

Words: 3629

Summary: After pining after Y/N for years, Sirius finally gets the girl: the happy ending the story is supposed to end with. The only problem is the fact Sirius’ feelings for Remus still haven’t seemed to go away. But he isn’t the only one starting to question their ability to love two people at the same time.

A/N: This is the last part, and includes too many italicized words and usages of “oh” (which are almost always italicized).

requestor: @shinysilverunicorn-blog | read on AO3 | Masterlist

Y/N’s POV

How to describe Sirius and Remus? Y/N could do so simply, stating they were her closest friends, easily the two most important people in her life. But that wouldn’t include the whole of it. The way each of them were so different that both were essential to the functions of her heart.

Sirius was like a catchy tune: people got drawn to him. Even if he got annoying and overbearing, there was something that made him impossible to distance yourself from fully. And like a catchy tune, you wouldn’t expect there to be more than one layer to him, but that was wrong entirely. He wore leather and confidence, but only because he knew what it did for him, not because it matched what was held underneath. He knew about himself—his fears, hopes, failures, self-destructive tendencies—well enough to know how to look like he had none of them. Then there was Remus. The opposite. There was nothing about him that didn’t suggest introspection, from books to sweaters to tea to somehow swerving away from the Marauder reputation by being difficult to associate with petty pranks. But, while it seemed to be easy for him to dive deep into the depths of his soul, he always stood shivering at the shore before turning away, afraid of what he’d find under cold water. But with terror came beauty, and Remus couldn’t see past the first part to understand how gorgeous he was.

They were both wonderful in different ways: if Sirius was the sun, Remus was the shade that protected you. If Remus was a cup of tea, Sirius was the sugar that made it palatable. It was hard not to love one and not the other because it seemed as if both were necessary to survive.

Or, at least, that was the problem Y/N was facing.

Y/N remembered the first time she saw both. It was hard to look away from Sirius; sometimes, Y/N swore that his purpose was to be admired. But, in a similar vein, it was hard to ignore Remus. While, out of the rest of them, James was too earnest to be captivating and Peter too unsure of himself to be found attractive, Remus was quiet in the way he knew he didn’t have to give himself up to gain attention. Remus was identical to the pages he read: once you finished one, you couldn’t help flipping to the next.

She hadn’t meant, or expected, either adorations to turn into crushes. Instantly, she had wanted to be friends with the whole lot of them. Not even the cold blood was enough to turn her away; in fact, with her Slytherin ambition, showing her ability to make friendships despite the rivalry became part of the appeal. But, unbeknownst to her, feelings had started. With Remus, they were the moments he was loud and obnoxious and so bloody smart it was hard to be anything except amazed. Similarly, Sirius was at his easiest to fall in love with when he was without facades, wearing some torn-up jumper that belonged to one of “his lads”—almost always Remus—and speaking very quietly of whatever came to his mind first. They were two sides of the same coin, one that Y/N wished she could hold between her fingers, that Y/N wished she could keep.

At first, because of her platonic intention, Sirius’ obvious interest was overwhelming, like lights being flashed on in a room right after darkness, not giving eyes time to adjust. But once her eyes had adjusted, they could barely look at anyone else, envision anyone else kissing her; holding her hand; laying on her bed with her, bodies forming shapes that fit one another perfectly.

Remus was chillingly indifferent. When Y/N stated her wishes that someone would ask her to Hogsmeade—subconsciously, this was a complaint that Remus wasn’t doing so—Remus brushed it off casually, saying that someday someone would come along who would treat her right. The heartbreak of it made her realize how deep her emotions were for him; she was willing to waste her life trying to catch an unreachable moon just so Remus wouldn’t have to endure being transformed by it every month. And, when she inevitably failed, at least he’d know he was worth a whole lifetime.

So she picked Sirius, not through a choice, but through a lack of one. Because, if Y/N truly had her way, she would choose both.

But apparently, Remus wouldn’t. Not based on what he had just said to her, moments after some stupid, hopeful part of Y/N thought they might have kissed.

The sounds of the words Remus had said were gone, but the weight pulled the room down, including everything inside of Y/N. Her soul felt like the library: all the brightness was sucked out except for two small lights that weren’t enough to make her feel alive anymore.

“Oh.” She meant to say it, but she whispered it instead. Or sighed it.

For the first time in a long time since meeting and getting to know Remus, her eyes did not want to meet his face.

Silence followed. A long one; so long that it transcended tension and peace to turn into an overwhelming shallowness, the same kind Y/N felt inside of her chest as she stood waiting. She knew instinctively that Remus’ mouth was opening and closing above her, trying sentences in his head before realizing he didn’t want to say them out loud. Y/N wished he would have planned the sentence he had said before with that kind of carefulness. Since when was Remus so spontaneous, anyway? When did he make the decision to abandon so much of what made him him, even if it was in the name of honesty?

The first sound was Remus’ swallow. Then, his hand brushing through his hair. Then, his voice, saying, “I didn’t mean that to say I don’t want you to be with him. I’ve never seen him happier.” There was such sadness in the admission, the kind of sadness that is made of happiness. The kind of sadness that is made of love.

Instantly, something within Y/N shifted. Anger disappeared. She looked up to Remus and she could see it on his face, on the purse of his lips and twisting of his eyes and lock of his jaw: Remus really was in love with Sirius. Or at least could love him. If given the chance.

“I can’t just…” Y/N started, drifting, struggling to say anything because words felt so loud. “You’re… you’re my best friend. How am I supposed to just sit around dating him in front of you in good conscience? You’ve put me in quite a position here. Either I hurt you until you get over him, or I hurt him to spare you.”

“Please, don’t do anything for me,” Remus automatically replied. “Really, that wasn’t a cry for pity—”

“Then why the hell did you tell me that?”

Remus tugged on his hair. “I don’t know! I just couldn’t bear lying to you anymore!”

“Then want to know something else true?” Y?N said, despite her stomach telling her to stop talking, saying that this was a terrible idea, one rooted out of nothing except anger and childishness. “I fucking, I fucking had feelings for you, Remus. But you were so fucking indifferent, always brushing me aside, making me feel like I was just another person to you, no one special. I stayed in. I stayed for you. Struggled silently, hurting every damn day, just because I knew you didn’t mean it. Why couldn’t you have just waited until… until…”

Her words faded into a tense silence. Remus lifted an eyebrow at her. “Until what? Until I got over him?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you just say it? I don’t…”

Remus was looking at her, and she was doing everything to collapse into herself, to not let her red cheeks be noticed, to make them disappear. “Oh.” He paused. A single moment encapsulating a thousand different ones. “Y/N, do you still have feelings for me?”

Y/N laid her hands out in front of her, her body ready to express a logical counter argument her mind could not provide. Her stature sunk.

“What does it matter?”

“It matters because…” Remus hesitated, hands still in his hair, running through it desperately. “Okay, if we’re being very honest here, which we are, I need you to know that, um, a lot of the reason I’m not dating Sirius is because I’m conflicted between him and someone else, someone else who is also in a relationship… and it could work, but I… I’m not sure…”

“How to politely ask me to remove myself from my own relationship?” Y/N offered.

Remus’ face hardened. “No,” he said. It was stern, absolute. All at once, Y/N understood.

Just as suddenly, there was a gasp of wood from the side. Y/N turned to the door, finding Sirius there. He had a look of confusion nearing pain on his face and Remus’ jumper on.

Oh, Y/N realized. Oh.

If the rumors and legends were true, this could have been the last moment of her life: everything was coming back in flashes. There were fuzzy, alcohol-smudged scenes of parties, where, in something she misnamed as drunken dumbfuckery, Remus and Sirius were dancing with bodies close together, laughter taking up every part of their mouths. Times that she would see Sirius leaning in close to whisper something in Remus’ ear, Remus’ ears turning pink regardless of how many times it must have been done before. There were all the times that Y/N turned around in class to meet Remus’ eyes, just to find they were already on her. When she would borrow Remus’ jumper from Sirius and Remus wouldn’t protest; “It fits you,” he had said, which she had taken far too literally. The fact that Sirius wore that jumper more than Remus, yet Remus would never protest. The late nights of crying herself to sleep, afraid that she had made the wrong choice, because she wanted not one, but both of them.

She looked back to Remus first. He was already looking at her. “Wait here,” she whispered, fighting the urge to kiss him on the cheek nonchalantly before turning and walking towards Sirius.

This was it. This had to be it.

Y/N got to Sirius faster than she had meant too, but had no time to feel self-conscious about it. “I need you alone for a second,” she said. Her hands were on his arm, redirecting him out into the corridor before he had time to protest.

Once they were alone, door closed, Sirius’ body instinctively adjusted into an argument stance: there was a rolling back of his shoulders, a cocking of his chin, a tense spot in his jaw, a crossing of his arms. “You were real fucking close in there, Y/N. In dim light, after six hours together… he’s not your boyfriend! I am! I barely even see you today and when I finally find you you’re almost kissing him.”

Y/N waited, trying to cover the ache in her chest with an unbothered expression. She knew she needed to apologize, but had to wait: they didn’t have time for this argument right then. They might never have to have it again, too, if she was right. She hoped she was right.

“You have a right to be jealous of him,” she admitted. “But, let me ask you something: are you jealous of me?”

Sirius’ muscles softened, or, maybe, they buckled under the pressure of him having been uncovered. It was too soon to know, too similar to tell. He opened his mouth, then closed it. The anger in his eyes was transformed into pain.

Y/N reached to touch his face. The way he melted into her touch was enough to break her heart, again. “Sirius. I’m not asking about what this means for us right now. I just need to know, honestly, how you feel about Remus.”

“It’s complicated,” he frowned.

“It might complicate, but it’s not complicated. Even if things change because of how you feel, I will always love you so much. It would be unfair to ask you to tell me the truth and then get mad at you for doing it.”

With a deep exhale underneath Remus’ jumper and his lips, warm, against the side of Y/N’s hand, Sirius said, “I have feelings for him. So many. It’s painful.”

I know. God, I know, Y/N thought to herself. How could anyone meet Remus and not be madly, irresistibly, unforgivably in love with him? It was foolish of her to think she could not love him; it was nice to know that someone else had also been equally mindless. Perhaps this was something that made Sirius and Y/N so compatible.

“It’s okay,” Y/N decided upon saying. She brushed her thumb against his stubbled cheek. “I just need to know, does this change how you feel about me? What dating me means?”

Sirius’ eyes met hers instantly. “Merlin, no. I’m still so ridiculously into you, too, which is why I never told you about Remus—because I usually tell you about everything—because I didn’t know what it meant. I was so confused. I still am.”

“Sirius.” She stepped closer to him, feeling her eyes fill with tears, either from understanding his sadness or from realizing both of them were helping create it for so long. “I know.”

His eyes were angry again, despite the fact hers were wet.

“I know. I understand. God, Sirius, I have feelings for him too! And I hid it for so long, because I thought he didn’t feel the same, and I liked you so much, and I didn’t know I didn’t have to choose between the two of you.”

“You didn’t? You don’t?” Sirius asked with such shock, it came out as a scream.

A relief, golden as sunlight, filled Y/N so deeply that she could only shake her head in response, too overwhelmed to do anything else. The tension that was held inside of her for so long was finally undone and all she could see was how possible everything was now.

“He told me he feels like we do about him. It’s been so simple! All of this time, Sirius. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

Sirius layered his hand on top of Y/N’s, tracing the curvature of her knuckles. “I want to barge in there and kiss that fucker right now,” he admitted, a laugh blossoming out of Y/N’s mouth. “But I want to ask: are you 100 percent on this? I know we just started dating, and I always felt like I was so much more eager than you, but you met me there. But this seems a lot… bigger. I don’t want you to go beyond what you can handle for me. You can still have me. No matter what you say. I promised I’d stick by you.”

Y/N pulled herself up to Sirius, kissing him, mouth absorbing the weight of the words he just said, but knowing this was something good. She pulled away sooner than she wanted to. Sirius looked both more rooted and more disheveled. “I know, Sirius. That’s why I’m okay with this. I trust you. I know you won’t push me aside. And I won’t leave you, either. I love you, and this is about all three of us, not any two of us.”

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Sirius piped up.

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Y/N agreed.

They both looked over at the closed library door. Something that was keeping Remus outside all of this. A threshold he’d have to be invited to cross, and would want to.

Sirius was the first to ask the looming question. “How do we…”

“You go,” Y/N offered, automatically getting his eyes on her for the demand of it. “This has been forever for you, hasn’t it? Since you met.”

“Yeah.” It was soft. He was flustered, a blush creeping up his neck, as if Y/N hadn’t seen him do much more embarrassing things. Loving Remus Lupin was not something to be embarrassed about.

“Then you deserve to be the one. Plus, he’s your best mate. And I’ve had to deal with him for six bloody hours.”

Sirius laughed, and everything felt better. “Okay,” he breathed. “Wish me luck?”

Y/N wanted to yell at him, knock some sense into him. He’s bloody in love with you! she wanted to shout. But it was too true to be cocky. Something struck her here: the fact that, while deeply in love with the both of them and utterly confused, Remus had to hear Sirius say this before asking Y/N out. Sadness kept finding its way in, as much as it felt wrong, as much as Y/N refused it.

“Good luck, love,” Y/N said. He released her hand, slid away from her, slipped between the doors, and was gone.

It was difficult, those minutes that felt like years, spent waiting for Sirius to explain himself to Remus. But it felt right. She had so much time with both of them separately that it was their time to come to terms for what this meant for them. There was also something so private in the intimacy of a first kiss; if they wanted to share theirs now, Y/N felt as though they should have the room to do so. And what place is better than a dark, musty library, as secret in the night as their love for one another, filled with as much logic as Remus and as much mystery as Sirius?

When the door finally opened, only one body emerged. It was Remus. He looked different, like something that was knocked over and finally set upright. He was smiling in a devilish way. Y/N knew instantly that they had kissed; it was the implantation of Sirius’ lips on his that had left his mouth hanging in the same crooked way that Sirius’ always does.

“Hi,” she offered, lamely. The result was rather surprising: Remus' smile straightened and softened. It was so true she almost had to look away from him. Again.

Remus came up to her, close enough to do so much—her mind was raking through possibilities—but failing to; she knew from six years of knowing him that this wasn’t due to anything except respect for her. She loved him more for it. Somehow.

“Sirius told me everything,” he said. “And I’d be the happiest person in the entire world if I got to have both of you.”

Y/N understood Sirius’ earlier sudden shyness: hearing Remus say that made her knees weaken and the words she had planned to say jumbled up inside of her head. The only thing she could think to respond with was, “How was the kiss?”

Remus’ smirk was back. “How’d you know?”

“You looked triumphant and cocky. It was obvious.” Remus laughed, hand finding the back of his neck to rub it. She felt the need to add, “It makes sense, considering how long you waited for that kiss.”

“Well…” he took a step in, close enough his mouth was almost touching Y/N’s, but still failing to. “There’s still one more I’m waiting for. If you’ll have me.”

“Yeah,” she said, already breathless. “Of course I will.”

Y/N’s heart was beating impossibly fast as Remus stepped close, cupped her cheek, and led his mouth onto hers. She thought she’d have the ability to compare his kiss to Sirius’. She thought wrong; it was too consuming—not in the intensity but the depth of it, the realness of it—it was impossible for her to think about anything except the fact she was kissing Remus Lupin. She was kissing Remus Lupin. It had worked. It had all worked out. She had Remus’ right hand on her cheek, the left trailing up the back of her head. She had his sweater in the clutches of her fists, a silent ask for more. She had Remus’ tongue in her mouth—she had Remus’ goddamned tongue in her mouth—turning her stomach into a night sky riddled with fireworks. It was too surreal to be real. But it was.

When they parted, they were both breathless. Y/N released her fists to allow her fingers to instead draw random shapes across Remus’ sturdy chest. She felt happy, at peace. Yet there was still something missing.

“Sirius,” she called from over Remus’ shoulder. “Open that damn door and get over here!”

He appeared instantaneously. Without explanation, he spelled the lights off inside of the library, and produced a key from his pocket which he then used to lock the door.

Sirius came up to them, attaching himself to Remus’ side in the same way he always had, but leaning into him more than usual, as if to say this is how I always have felt, but now I can show it. Y/N scanned both of their faces, two beautiful boys, scarred and wonderful in their own ways, and hers.

“Walk me home?” she asked. They both nodded, starting off into the night. A natural formation befell the three of them: Remus standing in the center, Sirius leaning into him in a way that demanded Remus to wrap his arm around his waist, and Y/N holding Remus’ hand, his thumb stroking her palm. All around them, evening was whispering, with cricket chirps, light breezes, and clouds shifting the moonlight from above. It was soft and calm and real, real, real. Somehow. It was real.

⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @astertist @beskarjedi @bluemadcnna @boring-viola @carolinesbookworld @finnofamerica @fortisfiliae @gabriel-r3ap3r-reyes @gryffndor @jamcspotters @just-some-nerd @lonelyheart-jadedsoul @neewtmas @portkeys-and-prose @siriusement @siriuslyimmoony @sly-vixen-up2nogood @swellwriting @the-apple-princess @theboywhocriedlupin @who-cares-unknown @woakiees @wzardings @samcycle @luckygirl144

#mine #writing #moonlit members #carlysfamily #sirius x reader #remus x reader #sirius black x reader #remus lupin x reader #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #remus x sirius x reader #sirius x remus x reader #reader x remus x sirius #reader x sirius x remus #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction

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asktheghosthost · 4 years

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Curious, do you guys have the ability to change your appearances, like Dorian being able to look young and then dead, or are you all constantly stuck in the same clothes and hairstyle for all the afterlife? Also, for Dorian, what/who made you realize you were gay? Were you able to accept it as well as come out easily or did it take longer time then you thought? I had difficulties when I discovered being biace

Beau: "It varies from soul to soul. Our spiritual abilities are connected to factors such as our personalities and psychological state. I can make myself look more like a mortal should I wish, but it's pure illusion tied into whether or not I want to fool someone who's wandered in. As one of the main guardians of our home, it's actually important that I can do that. Either I can lure an intruder into a false sense of security, convince someone to simply leave, or even offer comfort to a terrified visitor... What? I'm not always about scaring the daylights out of people. Situations vary."

Dorian: "And I always felt young at heart, no matter how old I was!" Grins.

Beau: "And you're as vain as a peacock strutting in his Sunday best."

Dorian: Scowls. "It's not vanity to acknowledge you look good. It's self- confidence, and more people should have it. Constant self-deprecation does no good." Thoughtfully, chin in hand, he continues, "Removing and changing clothes is a trick that I don't exactly know how to explain. It's as much a mental exercise as a physical one. Not all of our old outfits can become ethereal, only ones that were important to us."

Beau: "Not only that, but if I, say, take off my coat, I can only hang it on a select few objects, such as my office chair and the rack in the G. R. D."

Dorian: His cheeks go a bit pink at his question, and he taps his index fingers against his lips in thought. "It was a process. At a very young age, I didn't think too deeply on how I liked playing dress up in Auntie April's clothes; I was simply a little boy having fun. Or that I would rather stay with Mother when she had tea with a friend, rather than go with father to a baseball game. My likes were always... dainty, I suppose you could say. Neat and tidy. Gentle. Father, however, noticed." Winces.

"He wasted no time in convincing mother I should change my hobbies, or at the very least, start getting paired up with potential ladies of influential families. I made good friends with most of the women, but I never could bring myself to think of them romantically, or even imagine a future living with any of them. Their brothers, however...

"It was after I started college and got away from home that I began to learn there were men who felt as I did, that there were words for it, and I wasn't some freak anomaly. One such man was my roommate, Algernon..." Shudders and hugs himself. "But the less said about that monster, the better. I wish I could say he didn't have a negative impact on my views of love, but after he'd attacked me, I shied away from relationships for a long time. It didn't help that my father saw it as my fault, and refused to comfort me..." He clears his throat. "That's all in the past now, though...

"I didn't really start having any healthy introspection again until some time after my death... which I suppose you could argue isn't healthy, given that I was dead... but I think in my case that's besides the point. It also helped that when I 'came out' to Uncle, he was nothing but loving and accepting. Same with Mother. A support system can be very important, but not everyone is lucky to have one, sadly.

"Everyone's journey of self- discovery is unique to them. I hope any difficulties you may still be facing can be conquered. Never stop loving yourself, and do not let others push you into being anything you're not, or doing anything you do not want to do. You don't have to 'prove' your identity. You know who you are, and even if who you are happens to change, you get final say in that. No one else dictates your identity."

Gives her a great big Dori hug!

#blackbutlerfandomnerddomain #ask #Beau #Dorian

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illegalastrology111 · 3 years

Text

KARMASTARS: APRIL 25TH - MAY 1ST

ARIES

MONEY: If joint financial partnerships can’t be restructured you have to think about moving onto “greener pastures”. Knowing or having some idea of what you want to do will help you plan, what next?

SEX: Be careful of jealousy in love, whether from you or your partner. Feelings of discontent need to be openly discusses.

POWER: Your vision of prosperity may need an overhaul and/or reboot, because the path you’re on at this time probably won’t bear fruit. However, you have to know and realize you have the power to move past current experiences, and with Pluto retrograde until October 6th, use this cycle to face old karma, fears and secret enemies and become the Phoenix arising out of the ashes.

TAURUS

MONEY: Watch your purse and spending this week because there is a danger of over-spending and wasting money on items you really don’t need. At the same time, there’ll be those who try to manipulate you to spend and move towards directions that aren’t in your best interests.

SEX: In order for love to prosper a deeper understanding between you and your partner is needed . Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.

POWER: Trying to move forward isn’t always easy, but in order for your efforts to work you must pay attention to the signs and guidance from the universe pointing you in the right direction.

GEMINI

MONEY: To increase prosperity a change of location is needed on some level. You can’t fear stepping out of your comfort zone into new territory. This week’s Full Moon in Scorpio and Pluto its ruler is retrograde in Capricorn. As a result you’ll be confronted with internal doubts, people holding you back, in addition to seeing what’s broken in the area of work and things that need to change so that money can increase.

SEX: Avoid seeing only the worst aspects of your partner “feeding” in to unnecessary negativity. Realize that everyone isn’t perfect and the best you can do is to help your partner overcome their shortcomings.

POWER: While Pluto is retrograde you’re likely to experience power struggles with people who don’t support you openly/secretly. Use this cycle positively to renew your mind, research new ideas and getting rid of old ways of thinking, by deepening your outlook.

CANCER

MONEY: With creative plans and objectives don’t be surprised that some don’t like what you’re doing, or don’t like you as a person. This maybe upsetting, but it’’s also a sign to not allow them to dictate your financial prosperity or success. With the Full Moon in Scorpio this week, “endings” really are the focus, which you need to make happen so new doors can open.

SEX: A week to be most sensitive to your partner’s needs and avoid being too emotionally insecure or possessive.

POWER: Try not to forget lessons from the past connected to being a martyr. However you may still find yourself in this position or repeating these experiences from the past, so you can understand and integrate the issues confronting you once and for all. A time to rid yourself darkness affecting your life.

LEO

MONEY: Your foundation of life connected to prosperity is now due for an overhaul. Not only with the Full Moon in Scorpio on the 26th, but also Pluto retrograde, April 27th - October 6th. During this time domestic instability and security will come to the forefront and seem out fo your control. Realize, this is happening because there are people and situations you need to remove, in addition to renegotiating agreements.

SEX: A week to at least clarify true feelings to you partner even though there could be problems with certain emotionally unhealthy people in and around your life that need to be dealt with.

POWER: An intense week when you have to be careful of manipulating others with guilt or moral projections as jealousy cones to the surface. Your digestion could be affected as a result, because of dealing with too much stress. A visit to a nutritionist might be necessary.

VIRGO

MONEY: Projects, plans and ideas you have in mind should be kept secret from those who would steal for their own wealth and success. Foresight to be aware of this before it happens will spare you having to go through negative situations that divert you from your goals. The Full Moon in Scorpio on the 26th, marks the end of old ideas and ways of thinking that need to be discarded and replaced by something more empowering.

SEX: Your partner may need help, support or counselling even though you may feel ill -equipped to help in any way. But you might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome, if you at least reach out to offer what you can .

POWER: Pluto retrograde in Capricorn April 27th - October 6th, brings to your attention issues, that are considered overwhelming in nature, requiring you to become a lot stronger.

LIBRA

MONEY: If you’ve been attached to making money a certain way, Pluto retrograde in Capricorn April 27th - October 6th, is here to cause upheaval, confrontations, power struggles and issues of self-worth, preparing you to let go of things that no longer serve a positive money-making purpose.

SEX: I you don’t fully love yourself, it will be hard to love another and with the Full Mon affecting self-love and self-worth, it’s snow time to end this self-depreciating cycle.

POWER: Pluto retrograde highlights home, family and foundation of life, indicating it’s time to look at this area of life in reality, to see what is broken and cannot be fixed, leaving you no choice but to let go. However, your own fears and doubts are in the way of transformation so you can move on.

SCORPIO

MONEY: In order for some type of prosperity/success to manifest you’ll need to change the way you deal with others, so they can perceive and treat you differently. The Full Moon is in your sign on the 26th, indicating overpowering events/circumstances will need your full attention and energy.

SEX: Regardless of events that occur through the week, remember to be kind and gentle towards y9our partner.

POWER: A week to quietly act from behind the scenes regenerating Self. A time to focus on renewal of health and well-being. With Pluto your ruling planet, now in retrograde, look within for many of the answers and problems that are still perplexing.

SAGITTARIUS

MONEY: The ability to overcome circumstances.people in the way of achievement will be at your disposal this week. As a result you’ll be able to transform aspects of home and foundation of life in order to increase prosperity . Being realistic is a key component part to your success. Therefore use discernment in all decisions.

Sex: Keep things simple and uncomplicated in love this seek bye following the Golden Rule.

POWER: With great power, comes great responsibility and you have a chance to implement great change for improvement that helps you and others. Be mindful of Cause and Affect.

CAPRICORN

MONEY: A week of either fulfillment of hopes and wishes and/or of them ending. This depends on which side of Natural Law you’re on, mainly certain friendships and people detrimental to your success. A tine to break free in order to progress in life, goals and finances. An empowering, decisive moment to implement large changes in work, security of life and the way you give and receive knowledge.

SEX: As your life goes through major change, keep love balanced and even ,making sure your partner is is aware of what you’re going through.

POWER: With Pluto retrograde in your sign April 27th - October 6th, confronting deep innermost fears that cause you to become powerless in the world, reveal themselves. The Universe is presenting you with this week’s Full Moon in Scorpio, highlighting an end of an era in your life and the start of new beginnings. These changes won’t happen overnight, but will open the door for you to deal with issues that have been bothering you for some time.

AQUARIUS

MONEY: Let the Universe help and support you this weeks certain cycles end that have affected the success of career, goals and ambitions and undermining influences. As you see things unfolding go with the flow and don’t ry to force outcomes until the time is right, especially with Pluto now retrograde in Capricorn, April 27th - October 6th.

SEX: Maintain compassionate love and understanding towards your partner .Even though you’re faced with major alterations occurring in your life, don’t try to “force” them to go through change as well.

POWER: Deep slow transformations that have been buried deep inside now emerge and affect long overdue changes . This is your time of empowerment, from a cocoon of hiding, to now being exposed for all to see and know. The caterpillar transforming into a butterfly.

PISCES

MONEY: Expansion of horizons has been setback for some time by certain individuals who have blocked your path of learning, growth and good fortune. The stars are aligned providing you with the momentum to get rid of them, as the Full Moon in Scorpio brings the cycle to a close. Vast changes in work, finances, home and friendships are ready take shape and form.

SEX: Consider a retreat with your significant other and/or a relaxing experience you can both enjoy with ease.

POWER: A change of home or in the home environment, fixing , restoring and repairing things, creating a better space for health and prosperity is now the focus. Watch out for secret enemies who wish you to fail in your objectives, but there will be others ready and wiling to help. At some point you’ll need to forgive others but not to forget the experience/lessons learned, so you don’t have to repeat such debilitating negative experiences again. A time for introspection, re-evaluation of Self and future intent.

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garregmachmatchups · 4 years

Text

Can I have a matchup please? Any gender is fine

INTP, virgo, 9. Short curly hair ombre from red to blue, 5’ 2", pale, color changing eyes. Here’s an outdated pic from before I had my hair dyed again:

Charismatic, observant, adaptable, passionate, and intelligent; introspective, empathetic, and analytical. Very artistically and musically inclined, as well as a writer and a fencer. Hard to offend, sometimes a bit of a day dreamer. Chronic nightmares, anxiety, depression, PTSD. Very loving, patient, and stubborn/persistent.

Likes: food, adventure, stories, animals, pillows, soft things.

Dislikes: conflict, hurting others, close-mindedness, cleaning.

Hello! 💕💕💕 I hope you are staying safe and healthy during the quarantine friend! I’m sorry this matchup took so long. I thought I’d have it out sooner (as well as multiple other matchups) but I’m literally a mess. Thank you for asking about it though, as it let me know you are interested in the matchup, which makes me think I might be doing a good job on these lol? Hopefully, you’ll like yours💕 Also I wanted to say that I did get the picture attached to the submission (you are gorgeous btw!), but removed it just in case you didn’t want others to see it, if you want I can put it back up though, just let me know! With all that said, your match is…

Ashe Ubert!!!

Ashe is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. It’s hard to find someone as friendly and supportive as him. He is always considerate of others and of their circumstances. Although he isn’t one to be angry or hateful, he definitely is disapproving of people when they are cruel and unfair. That’s why I think Ashe is best paired with someone who is empathetic and compassionate like him, who also sees the importance of being benevolent and understanding with others, but isn’t as idealistic and sentimental as he is, as he often gets carried away. His care for others also translates into other aspects of his life. Ashe has a great fascination with knighthood and chivalry, even wishing to be a knight himself. The people he admires tend to possess knightly or noble-like qualities themselves, such as Dimitri and Felix. And while you, of course, aren’t a knight yourself, you do have certain traits that align with those of a noble or leader. For example, you are charismatic and adaptable, traits people often look up to. You also seem to be cool-headed and very reasoned because of your INTP and Virgo personality, other traits also needed to lead others. Not only that but you are also stubborn and persistent, that is to say, you don’t give up easily and are determined with your goals. Due to all of this, I think Ashe would gravitate towards you naturally and would hold you in high esteem. As a result of how passionate he is about his love for knights, Ashe sometimes gets criticized for it, claiming he is too starry-eyed. And while that may be true, that doesn’t make his dreams any less important. Therefore, since you are passionate and quite a day-dreamer, you’d be able to relate to Ashe’s enthusiasm about his dreams and ideals. In my opinion, Ashe would be a great friend to someone who struggles with mental health. He radiates kindness and encouragement, and others often find themselves swayed by it (I still can’t believe he got Anna to lower her prices). He always goes out of his way to help whoever he can, all the while with a smile on his face. In moments where you’d feel sad, anxious, or in general, just down and out, Ashe would be willing to do anything to make you feel better. Despite the fact that Ashe is always trying his best to complete his dreams of being a knight and for those he cares about, he always sells himself short and overall just doesn’t have the best self-esteem. Someone loving and patient would do him some good, let him know that he is more helpful and skilled than he realizes.

Headcannons:

When Ashe first meets you, he is captivated by you straight away, by your charisma and wit. He thinks you are so charming, almost like a noble from a story (you even fence!). And while he doesn’t tell you this outright, he does compliment you whenever it’s warranted.

At first, he even questions whether you’d want to be friends with him or not, and when you ultimately do show interest in being friends with him, he makes sure to never take your friendship for granted.

Ashe is in love with your color-changing eyes. For him, they are as if they were straight out of a mythical tale.

He is thrilled to find out that both of you share an interest in stories and adventure, as it’s something very important and close to his heart. He immediately asks to exchange books and stories with you.

As a result of your mutual love of stories, you often spend time together in the library or in each others chambers just reading together.

He loves talking about stories with you, as he always finds your take on them super interesting, sometimes even pointing out stuff he hadn’t even considered.

He is course is absolutely supportive of your writing career. There isn’t anyone in the world that could match his level of encouragement.

That isn’t to say he isn’t supportive of all of your other passions, he definitely is. Most of the time he wonders how he could’ve gotten so lucky to have someone so talented by his side?

Whenever you are craving some good food, don’t be afraid to ask Ashe to fix you something up. He is probably one of or if not the best cook out of all of his classmates.

If he notices you like his food a lot, he’ll offer to share some of his recipes with you, or if you aren’t that good at cooking, teach you how to (expect some cute cooking shenanigans).

Ashe might not be super passionate about animals, but he’ll definitely be happy to help you take care of them (I can just envision him making some treats for them or perhaps giving them food that’s too tasty for an animal)

Tbh, because of how highly he thought of you, he is very shocked and saddened to find out about your mental health struggles. His shock makes him all the motivated to help you in any way he can.

For how many nightmares or depressive episodes you have, you know Ashe will always try to the best of his abilities to comfort you. He may not be a psychologist or anything, but he’ll read you a story, cook your favorite dish, literally clean your whole house for you, or just spend the whole day with you if you feel lonely or have trouble falling asleep.

On rare occasions, you swear that sometimes with just his earnest smile and positivity you feel a bit better.

Even if he doesn’t believe it himself, Ashe is one of the most gallant and virtuous people there is. He’ll stand by you through the good and bad, and will never hesitate to lend you a hand. His greatest pleasure in life is helping and making others happy, you, of course, being no exception.

Other matches: Ignatz Victor, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester

Hope you enjoyed your matchup! If you feel like you weren’t portrayed correctly/I misinterpreted your information let me know and I’ll make the corrections!

#fire emblem matchup #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem #Three houses #three houses headcannons #three houses matchups #Blue Lions #matchup 13 #regularmatchup #submission

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zayashmaya · 5 years

Text

some marvus angst alphabet headcanons

im bored and feeling some type of way so lets get truckin’ folks

a - accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

- absolutely, marvus has a savior complex that’s quite beforus-style due to how he perceives purplebloods and their role in society. he wants to be the protector for his lover, and failing to do so would shatter his high opinion of himself regarding his ability to keep them safe. his mind will constantly be flooded with thoughts of how he could have done things differently, if he had just had security follow you around, or kept you locked away safely in his hive, none of this would have happened. he should have known better - alternia is a dangerous place. b - break up (how would they deal with one?)

- aloof, aloof, aloof. at worst, he would play it off as though he didn’t really care, and at best he would be understanding and try to remain friends (although he quickly realizes he can’t do that, it hurts too much, so he ghosts his ex). marvus isn’t the type to date officially to begin with, and if he does then he goes all in. breaking up would have him revisiting where things went wrong. little, random things would remind him of his ex, and he would find himself missing them. c - crying (are they much of a crier?)

- nope, he cried when he was a wiggler if he skinned his knee or something but ever since he embarked on a career in entertainment, he learned to keep his true feelings to himself. d - death (how do they deal with any death?)

- he is very, very good at handling death. he’s a killer himself, and surrounds himself with death on a daily basis. the clown cult taught him early in life to get rid of his discomfort with dead bodies and murder and all that fun stuff, so by now he is utterly desensitized and looks upon it with mild disinterest. - if someone he loves dies, that’s a different story. first of all, it is hard for him to openly love someone to begin with. so if someone manages to break down that barrier, all of those teachings from clown church fly out the window. if his lover dies, he will bear this burden for the rest of his life, and it will be a weight that cannot ever be lifted. he will be more violent during his concerts, more erratic with his work life, drowning himself in hedonism to help himself forget the pain and loneliness, but it will never go away. e - emotion (what’s the emotion they tend to push away the most?)

- sadness. marvus haaaaaates moping around and thinking about stuff that upset him. he thinks he could do far more productive things, and he certainly works himself to the bone or hangs out with his friends to distract himself. this dude rarely deals with his own feelings, despite how introspective he tends to be. f - frustrated (how much would it take to push them off the edge?)

- i feel like it varies. if things are going well for marvus, he doesn’t usually get pissed, he’d probably take it all in stride and figure things out with a level head. but if he’s already in a bad place, then adding to the situation will make him frustrated and grouchy. g - great pain (what is the most painful thing they have witnessed?)

- the first time he witnessed a lowblood being sacrificed at church. he still remembers the begging and screaming. h - humiliation (how could they be humiliated?)

- if someone looks down on him. i think this is where his hatred of sea dwellers comes from; he doesn’t like feeling like someone is better than him, especially when they haven’t earned that status. being forced to submit to the whims of his superiors is something that pisses him off more than anything. i - injured (how do they handle themselves when injured?)

- shrugs it off, no matter what. we saw a classic example of that during his bad end after his limo exploded, and despite him eventually acknowledging he got hurt more than he thought, he still looked at the brighter side of things. j - jittery (which part of their past makes them flinch or even worked up?)

- genuine intimacy. he is totally unfamiliar with it. pailing and sensuality, he has no problem with. violence, no biggie. but vulnerability and expressions of love? he’s ready to simultaneously crawl out of his skin and yet chase after those caresses. he’ll get accustomed to them eventually, and once he’s comfortable with intimacy, you best believe he will be the biggest cuddle bug. k - kill (would they kill for revenge?)

- marvus prides himself on his self-control. he allows murder and mayhem at his concerts, and even instigates them, because all of this is done at his discretion. killing for revenge out in the open would make him feel like he lost that self-control, which he is loathe to do. so i think he would handle matters personally, either one-on-one where no one else can see and the camera crew is gone, or he will hire an assassin to do his dirty work. l - loss (what was their greatest loss?)

- i imagine he might have had close lowblood friends among his profession when he first started, and he was probably forced into a situation where they got killed in a match with him during slam or get culled. m - mistakes (how much do they want to fix the mistakes of their past?)

- marvus is probably the type to have very few regrets. he believes that everything that’s happened to him has taught him an important lesson, so changing the past would change his perspective and who he currently was. o - outrage (what makes them angry?)

- needless to say, cocky sea dwellers who overstep his boundaries and make him feel like shit. also people who invade his privacy. he puts a lot of effort into letting the public see what he wants them to see, so if someone goes the extra mile to breach the very little privacy he has left for himself, he’s gonna be livid. he also has absolutely no tolerance for anyone daring to insult his lover in any way. someone will lose their life for that.

p - pressure (what stresses them out to the breaking point?)

- honestly, i think he would never lose his composure like that in his line of work. it’s the issues that might arise in his private life that he will be unprepared to handle, since he tends to leave things unspoken and doesn’t deal with issues head-on. so when the tension between him and his lover starts to overflow, he doesn’t know how to handle it because he never learned coping mechanisms or how to properly analyze his feelings. basically, his own feelings will overwhelm him. q - qualify (what part of themselves do they see as dangerous?)

- his charm mixed with his detached facade. marvus thinks that chuckle voodoos are only a small part of what makes him dangerous. his ability to win over anyone through his personality and manipulate them into doing what he wants is what he considers to be his strongest asset. t - time (what if they had limited time to live?)

- if single, marvus immediately comes to terms with it and spends his time doing what he loves, making music and making his fans happy. if taken, he will still accept his fate to some degree, and he would stay strong for his lover until the very end. but deep down, he wishes he had more time with them. so he spends his last days entirely in their company. they are all that matters to him. u - urge (how badly do they get the urge to see you after separating?)

- if he goes on tour, the first few days, maybe week, is easy peasy. marvus is very independent and driven, and when he has a lot of duties to attend to, he will absolutely focus on them. but once he starts thinking about his lover, how he misses their warmth and laughter, it’s like a switch is flipped. he starts getting antsy about getting back to them. there’s definitely a whole lot of texting (sexting too for sure), phone calls, you name it, he even buys them a bunch of gifts for them. - if his lover is the one who goes somewhere and he has little to occupy himself with, he’s going to be THE neediest bitch on the planet, and he will try to convince you to come back as soon as possible if he can. sends them lots of texts about how much he misses them. when his lover returns, he’s waiting at the door like a housewife watching her soldier husband return from war. in both instances, he’s gonna need at least a week of your undivided attention. v - vent (how do they get rid of feelings they find unnecessary?)

- he raps about his problems! that’s how the feels jam sessions go for him (with chixie ok, there’s no one else better equipped to handle this situation). y - yearning (do old memories make them yearn for your touch?)

- he thinks about the first time you ran your fingers through his hair, when you stroked his bare cheek after he removed his face paint for the first time in your presence, the way your fingers graze along his alien features and committing them to memory, little things like this that he always remembers and craves more of.

#homestuck #friendsim #marvus xoloto #headcanons

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oracledapollon · 5 years

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My “To Add” list for the book that is on its way.

This is all definitely going to take me a few days to write, but I am excited at the prospect of having everything I could need in a book and still having space. The last book I had even had lines in it which can be quite restricting. I typically write VERY small, so have an unlined book means I can really capitalize on space. But here is my list, I figured I would share what I have so far because it might give other people some ideas, and such for their own books. We have all been in that place of “I want to write... a thing... I don't know what”

Title page?

Correspondance: abundance

Correspondance: acceptance

Correspondance: activate/ awaken

Correspondence: affection

Correspondence: the Afterlife

Correspondence: aggression: to guard against

Correspondence: Ambition

Correspondence: Anger: to Soothe

Correspondence: Animals

Correspondence: Anxiety

Correspondence: Astral Realm

Correspondence: attraction

Correspondence: Authority

Correspondence: awareness

Correspondence: balance

Correspondence: Banish

Correspondence: Battle/War

Correspondence: Beauty

Correspondence: Beginnings

Correspondence: Bind with oath or pledge

Correspondence: Black Magic (from page 91 under magic header)

Correspondence: Blessings

Correspondence: Business

Correspondence: Calm

Correspondence: Clairvoyance

Correspondence: Clarity

Correspondence: comfort

Correspondence: Communication

Correspondence: Compassion

Correspondence: Concentration/ Focus

Correspondence: Confidence

Correspondence: Connections

Correspondence: Consecrate / bless

Correspondence: Consciousness

Correspondence: Courage

Correspondence: Creativity

Correspondence: Danger: to Avert

Correspondence: Death: to Deal with

Correspondence: Defense

Correspondence: Desire: to manifest

Correspondence: Destiny: to accept / understand

Correspondence: Destruction: to make way for the new

Correspondence: divination

Correspondence: Dream work

Correspondence: Emotions

Correspondence: Empathy

Correspondence: Endings

Correspondence: Enlightenment

Correspondence: Enmity

Correspondence: Envy

Correspondence: Family

Correspondence: Fear: to Deal with

Correspondence: Fertility

Correspondence: Fidelity

Correspondence: Forgiveness

Correspondence: Freedom

Correspondence: Friendship

Correspondence: Grief

Correspondence: Grounding

Correspondence: Guidance

Correspondence: Happiness

Correspondence: Harmony

Correspondence: Healing

Correspondence: Heartbreak

Correspondence: Hexes: to set

Correspondence: The Home

Correspondence: Honesty

Correspondence: Hope

Correspondence: Imagination

Correspondence: Increase

Correspondence: Independence

Correspondence: Influence

Correspondence: Innocence

Correspondence: Insight

Correspondence: Inspiration

Correspondence: Integrity

Correspondence: Intelligence

Correspondence: Introspection

Correspondence: Intuition

Correspondence: Jealousy

Correspondence: Justice

Correspondence: Kindness

Correspondence: Knowledge

Correspondence: Leadership

Correspondence: Learning

Correspondence: Limitations and boundaries: to set or overcome

Correspondence: Loneliness: to ease

Correspondence: Longevity

Correspondence: Loss: to deal with

Correspondence: Love

Correspondence: Loyalty

Correspondence: Luck

Correspondence: Lust

Correspondence: Manifestation

Correspondence: Marriage

Correspondence: Memory: to support / Access

Correspondence: Messages/ Omens

Correspondence: The Mind

Correspondence: Money

Correspondence: Motivation

Correspondence: Needs: to fulfill

Correspondence: Negativity

Correspondence: Nightmares

Correspondence: Nurture: to provide / receive

Correspondence: Obstacles: to overcome

Correspondence: Order

Correspondence: Passion

Correspondence: Patience

Correspondence: Peace

Correspondence: Pleasure: to seek, to give

Correspondence: Pregnancy / Childbirth: health and support

Correspondence: Pride

Correspondence: Prophecy

Correspondence: Prosperity

Correspondence: Protection

Correspondence: Psychic Ability

Correspondence: Purification

Correspondence: Purity

Correspondence: Purpose: to find / understand

Correspondence: Rebirth & Renewal

Correspondence: Reconciliation: to seek

Correspondence: relationships

Correspondence: Release: to let something or someone go

Correspondence: Respect

Correspondence: Revenge (to seek)

Correspondence: Reversal: to turn a situation around

Correspondence: Romance

Correspondence: Secrets: to keep

Correspondence: Self-work

Correspondence: Sensuality

Correspondence: Sex & sexuality

Correspondence: Shamanic Work

Correspondence: Shyness

Correspondence: Sleep: to encourage / support

Correspondence: Sorrow (to ease)

Correspondence: Spirits

Correspondence: Spirituality

Correspondence: Stability

Correspondence: Stimulation: To get something going

Correspondence: Strength

Correspondence: Stress: To relieve or reduce

Correspondence: Success

Correspondence: Sympathy: Give or receive

Correspondence: Transformation: to seek, manifest, and understand

Correspondence: Travel: to initiate, and seek protection during

Correspondence: Trust

Correspondence: Truth

Correspondence: underworld

Correspondence: unity

Correspondence: visions

Correspondence: wealth

Correspondence: well-being

Correspondence: willpower

Correspondence: wisdom

Correspondence: wishes

Correspondence: witchcraft

Correspondence: youth

Greek Alphabet

Consecration

Invocation of Earth

Invocation of Air

Invocation of Water

Invocation of Fire

Casting the Circle

The 12 Olympian Gods List

Zeus

Zeus Correspondences

Hera

Hera Correspondences

Poseidon

Poseidon Correspondences

Demeter

Demeter Correspondences

Athena

Athena Correspondences

Apollo

Apollo Correspondences

Artemis

Artemis Correspondences

Ares

Ares Correspondences

Aphrodite

Aphrodite Correspondences

Hephaestus

Hephaestus Correspondences

Hermes

Hermes Correspondences

Dionysus

Dionysus Correspondences

Hestia (Former member)

Hestia Correspondences

Apollo epithets

Hail Apollo

Apollo Dedicational

Prayer to Apollo - general

Prayer to Apollo khrysolyris for divining the future (Write it- also possibly Apollo Dælphinios, or Apollo Promantis

Prayer to Apollo mousayætis for inspiration

Prayer to Apollo Cyrus Aestheseon for emotional healing

Prayer to Apollo Paean to work healing (Write it)

Prayer to Asklepios Paean to work healing (Write it)

Prayer to Apollo Apotropaios for protection (Write it)

Prayer to Apollo Ækatos to strike down an adversary (Write it)

Prayer to HEkate to remove obstacles

Prayer to HEkate for Reversal

Crossing Ceremony Prayer

Ancestor Prayer

Blessing Of The DEad

Sigil Circle For crafting sigils

@puella-terrae Sigils

Protect the Home Spell

Staff of Asclepius

Caduceus

A Spell for Creation by Kathleen Raine

To Discourage A Pregnancy

Knot Magic

Hex Powder Recipe + spells

Black Salt Recipes

Healing and Colour Therapy

Ribbon Colours

Fires of Love

May Love Find me

Sedatives + Narcotics

Domination Powder

Command and Compel Oil

Undoing a spell

Consecration and binding of two objects

Plants of the dead

To Cause impotence

Wheel of the year illustration

Season and magic uses

Sabbats

Esbats

Lunar Phase magic uses

Full and New Moon Charts

#Book of Shadows #BOS #Witch #Witchcraft #Pagan #Hellenic Pagan #Wicca #Wiccan #Paganism #Grimoire #Book of shadows ideas #Grimoire ideas #Apollo #hellenism

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lovealwaysla · 5 years

Text

For the last few years, I have had my photo taken on New Years Day, upon an open road, symbolizing a blank page, fresh start, new ventures ahead. 2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣9️⃣ is no different.

2018 in a few words:

Brutal, Beautiful, Irreplaceable.

This year has been one hell of a ride. If I shared every lesson with you, every pivotal moment, we’d be here until 2020. So I think this year’s recap will be shorter than the last, but we’ll see how it goes.

Let’s start at the beginning. Countless times over the last year, I viewed it as one that I wish I could have skipped over, slept through, or called in sick too. It seemed as though I had been hit from every angle; disagreements with loved ones and foes alike, falling outs of the worst kind, physical ailments, myself and others, mental struggle, gut-wrenching fear, lack of career prospects, deflating self-confidence, financial instability, you name it, it was dropped into my bucket. The days seemed to become monotonous, the experiences shared semblance with Ground Hog Day, and I was just plain tired of it all. You know the sort of moments where you question, is this happening to everyone or is it just me that is being tested? That was my reality. At least it remained as such until I underwent a shift, it’s origin is one that still remains a mystery to me. Somewhere along the way, a light turned on within the vast darkness I had enveloped myself in, intentionally and unintentionally, and it was then that I saw my reality in it’s rarest form, 2018 proved to actually be the best year of my life thus far. It was the sort of experience where I wished for change so deeply that I indirectly blinded myself, unable to see the progression of what I was already experiencing; to put it simply, I was already in the midst of living my way into the change and inner peace that I had desperately wanted for myself the year, months, days prior and I was taken aback. How long had I been lying dormant, waiting for something I was currently accomplishing? It didn’t matter now. I simply remember seeing the world completely different; brighter, more beautiful, less harsh, and infinitely precious. That very light allowed me to see the most crucial pieces of who I am, the direction of my journey, and my role in each portion of my life that I both succeeded in and struggled with, and how they all go hand in hand.

Here’s why:

* No one is going to come and save you. * No one can save you from yourself and that is sort of the beauty of it all. The key to growth is learning to save yourself. I went through my day-to-day as if the universe owed me something, a sense of entitlement I guess I used as armor for most of my life, one that I have now since removed. This world owes us nothing, but can teach us everything, if we are open to it. * Time heals all wounds. * 2017 for me was the most painful year, one I never believed I’d survive, but I did. 2018 was brutal and raw in it’s lessons, experiences, and truths, and I didn’t think that I’d be able to rise above and through the darkness, but I did. * Celebrate the small stuff first. * Throughout my short 30, almost 31 years, I have had trouble seeing the good, the positive, the progress in my own life and decisions. The irony? I have always been able to celebrate those very same things within the lives of the ones I love and even complete strangers. Why was it easier for me to look outward rather than inward? The best gift 2018 has given me is the ability to look inwards and celebrate the smallest of steps, the biggest of feats for myself, not for outward praise. I learned to clap for my damn self. * Find your outlet. Find multiple outlets. Throw yourself into them. * I never understood the importance of an outlet and the even greater importance of finding one for yourself. Throughout my life, I was given options, too many on occasion, which in turn overwhelmed me and the fear of letting others down if I didn’t like what was offered outweighed potential enjoyment. I never allowed myself the opportunity to stray outside the lines of what others thought as best, and throughout the last year, I dove deep into the unknown. I became a beginner on a daily basis. I learned to bake, I learned to cook, I learned to take control in a kitchen of my own. I found my own outlet and that is priceless. Finding what makes you feel a sense of pride and helps you to feel alive, what gives you purpose and enriches your days, that’s what matters. Doing what you love truly is invigorating. * Not every battle needs to be fought. Not every word needs to be spoken. * Yes, not every word needs to be spoken. But, standing up for yourself takes many forms. I have had to make some very hard, heartache inducing decisions in the past 12 months. I never really learned how to stand up for myself in a healthy way. I’d internalize and compartmentalize my pain, my hurt feelings, my bruised ego in ways that I viewed as “dealing with” said emotions but in fact, proved to be detrimental to my growth. This year taught me that expressing my feelings with maturity, kindness for myself and the other party(ies) allows for progressive healing and sets up a foundation for healthy communication. Always speak your truth, but try to learn how others need things to be heard too. Validate yourself first and foremost. 2018 taught me that another person’s actions/words/experiences, are just that, theirs. They have nothing to do with me. It is my choice to internalize and take offense. I tried on compassion in a different way, it made all the difference. * Give. Give more. Then give some more. * Learning the balance of giving of myself and of giving to myself was my most precious lesson of 2018. I have been the sort of person that would give, and give, and give of herself at the expense of her well being. I’d claim that it was just “the type of person I am” and “Well they would do the same for me” and my favorite, “I do it because I want too, not because I expect anything in return.” Now, let’s start by saying, I believed and stood by each exclamation. However, I wasn’t really aware of the issue I was causing for myself, the neglect of my mental stability and what I was actually asking for by doing for others at the level to which I was doing. I claimed I didn’t expect, but I was sorely mistaken. I heard a quote once that went something like this, “What if what you do for others, you actually turned around and did for yourself?” It opened up my world. I began to see that doing for others is only enriching when you have zero expectation of reciprocation, do it for the goodness, or not at all. I recently fed the homeless on Christmas Eve, for no other reason than because I wanted too. Again, this world, the people in it, they owe you nothing. Anything that comes your way is a gift, a lesson or an added bonus. Treat it as such. * Whatever you do, do it with love. * Love is complex, life-altering, and soul igniting. I’ve never really understood the meaning or power of unconditional love until Ian came into my life. Now, there’s a love that you have for your family, for your friends, that’s a separate and special sort of love. When it comes to sharing your life, the deepest parts of your soul, baring your vulnerabilities and trusting within in another soul to remain by your side through it all, that’s a different sort of love entirely. To my love, my light, and the most precious portion of my heart, Ian C. Albright, 2018 was wonderful in large part to you and how you’ve transformed my world. You singlehandedly made me feel safe yet challenged, protected and provided for, and deeply, deeply, loved. I admire your strength and I value you immensely.

Thank you 2018. You have been a year filled with humbling experience, deep introspection, challenging opportunity, raw and crucial truth. You were my year of self-actualization. Here’s to 2019, to what I’ve deemed as my year of manifestation.

Health and Happiness everyone. Be kind to one another.

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xoruffitup · 6 years

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Escaping Delusion For Self-Understanding & Empowerment: A Ben Solo Redemption/Reylo Meto

Upon my initial read of The Last Jedi novelization, I was disappointed by the lack of storytelling from Kylo’s perspective. I really enjoyed picking the character apart by his resolutely-hidden loose ends in my TFA Novel/Close-Reading Kylo Ren Analysis, and I’d been eagerly awaiting new insight in the TLJ novel into the internal deliberations guiding his sweeping character evolution. When the throne room scene went into Snoke’s head instead of Kylo’s, I got downright frustrated. But then, when I started delving into the novel more deeply the second time, I realized that viewing Kylo through other characters’ eyes actually tells us much more about him than his own perspective would ever be able to show – The key reason being the extent of Kylo’s self-delusion, and how little he understands himself.

The TFA novel did a superb job of presenting the deep dissonance and main source of conflict within Kylo Ren: Namely, the unstable disconnect between Kylo Ren’s detached brutality, and the stifled, hidden persona of Ben Solo within him – who appears in volatile, powerful bursts of emotion beyond Kylo’s control. My TFA novel analysis concluded with the key question: “Did he ever make a free, conscious decision to abandon Ben Solo to the monstrous might of Kylo Ren? If not, how strong is the illicit inner part of him still clinging to life and light?”

TLJ provides the answer pretty clearly that he did not; but the reason and process are more complex than simply Luke’s mistake pushing him over the edge. We came – as both viewers and readers – to understand Kylo much better as an individual wracked by repressed trauma, emotional dissociation, despairing loneliness, and destructive wrath aimed indiscriminately at himself and those around him. We don’t learn this from Kylo himself, because Kylo himself either refuses or fails to recognize his wounds. Instead, we gain a rare look beneath the cold, cruel shell of Kylo Ren to the true man beneath mainly through Rey’s evolving perception of him. Kylo and Rey’s ingress to each other’s minds and their budding mutual understanding and empathy are the means by which both characters not only come to understand each other more fully, but also themselves. This self-understanding will prove the most challenging and crucial element of Kylo’s redemption; but Rey’s journey to self-understanding and acceptance in TLJ can tell us a lot about what we might expect to lie in store for him.

Both Kylo and Rey ended TLJ in a far different place than they began. Since Rey started from a much stronger position of mental health and self-belief, she ends TLJ assured of her ability to forge her own path and place in this story. She makes difficult, dangerous, unconventional decisions through and through, but she ends TLJ only more firmly centered in her morals and self-belief. Kylo also ends TLJ in a vastly different place than he began – But he is still a great distance from the kind of self-understanding and empowerment achieved by Rey.

The development of the Rey/Kylo bond in TLJ establishes and reveals how deeply their journeys and hardships mirror each other. We see them literally reaching out to each other in attempt to provide solace for the other’s bone-deep, consuming solitude. We see them both struggling to come to terms with difficult, lonely childhoods and complex resentments towards parental figures. We see each tempted by both sides of the Force, and each repeatedly toeing the line between light and dark. Their symbolic unity as opposing but equal forces is overt: “It is you.” “I’ve seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo.”

My interpretation of Kylo’s character development in TLJ is closely linked to the development of Reylo because I believe the two are inherently intertwined, and the latter will help predict the former. TLJ made plain their similarities and parallels, as well as their natural draw and empathy for the other. I anticipate that their future development will continue to mirror each other, with their bond bringing further convergence in their character trajectories, while they each play a vital supporting role in the other’s eventual, respective ‘triumphs.’ For Rey, this will likely take the shape of developing and claiming her powers on her terms alone, subscribing to neither the rigidities of the Jedi nor the narrow-minded dichotomy of the Jedi/Sith. For Kylo, I’m pretty willing to bet money this will take the shape of redemption; or at least some stable middle ground where he can find a semblance of peace within himself and companionship.

To get more specific in my reading here, I believe TLJ was Rey’s movie of self-discovery with Kylo mostly in the supporting role. Episode IX, however, will be Ben’s movie with Rey then supporting him. Seeing Rey’s personal internal journey in TLJ (Self-discovery, acceptance, and then independent agency in her rejections of both Luke and Kylo’s attempts to set her future path for her) gives us insight into the internal challenges and monumental decisions awaiting Kylo – and the steps he must take before he can reach a point of understanding and peace with himself. We also see a model of how Rey can provide essential support and guidance to enable Kylo’s growth and self-liberation.

One thing that cannot be emphasized enough is that both characters must indeed liberate themselves. While I do believe that Rey and Kylo’s bond plays an integral and irreplaceable role in both of their development trajectories, another shared aspect of their journey is that the crucial, identity-forming moment of reckoning with the darkest, most difficult-to-accept parts of themselves must be experienced in isolation. The decisions they each make to emerge from these challenging, isolated moments can, and indeed are, guided in part by the other’s influence, but the experience itself of debilitating soul-searching must be experienced alone. The decision itself must be reached alone.

Hence, why the ‘Reylo is abusive’ position is untenable; Kylo has nothing but a positive effect on Rey’s TLJ development, and he never determines her choices for her. He coaxes her to confront and eventually accept the darker parts of herself, along with the aspects of her past she has lived in willful ignorance of. Thanks to her painful introspection in the dark-side cave, followed by her voicing the all-terrible truth about her parents in the throne room, her self-understanding and belief in her own agency stands so strong that she rejects Kylo’s misguided proposal – Knowing that acceptance would mean compromising her identity and values.

There is a balance here I want to make the effort to clarify: Rey and Kylo are each a positive force to the other – helping the other accept and act on parts of themselves they either didn’t fully understand or could not previously assimilate. But in the moments when their self-determination and empowerment hang in the balance – When they each face a decision that will shape their destinies, they stand alone. They each decide for themselves. Yet, it’s highly likely that the changes in their self-perception due to the other’s companionship and empathy help enable decisions they perhaps might not have been capable of before.

From my view, there is a single greatest challenge confronting both Rey and Kylo, before they can become self-determining characters acting with true agency. Rey conquered this challenge in TLJ, but Kylo’s true test still awaits in Episode IX. The challenge is to free themselves from willful, self-imposed delusions. Only until they remove the blinders of self-deception and willful ignorance can they see clearly enough to gain a true understanding of the self. Only with a true understanding of the self, can they each make free, independent, productive decisions towards shaping their futures for themselves and becoming the people they truly wish to be.

‘Self-deluded’ could be Kylo Ren’s middle name. He might not know it, but everyone around him sure does. When Luke sees Ben again on Crait after so many years:

“Even stronger than the anger were Kylo’s pain and fear. They filled him, threatening to devour him. Ben Solo had sought to abandon everything he had been, even casting aside his name. But Luke sensed that Kylo Ren was just a shell around the same broken boy he had tried so hard to reach” (Page 297).

And though I’m still a little bitter about getting in Snoke’s head rather than Kylo’s during the climactic throne room scene, I do have to admit that Snoke’s words hit the nail right on the head:

“He called himself Kylo Ren, but as with so much else about him, that was more wish fulfillment than reality. He had never escaped being Ben Solo, or learned to resist the pull of the weak and pathetic light, or had the strength to excise the sentimental streak that had destroyed his legendary grandfather. And then there was his most glaring failure of all: his inability or unwillingness to use his power to redirect the course of his own destiny” (Page 222).

I placed emphasis on the final sentence because that’s the crux of the matter right there. Kylo Ren claims to seek power through the dark side, to complete the destruction of his weak former identity and banish all light and poisonous sentiment from within himself. But this is increasingly proving to be an impossible task. Kylo Ren will never achieve the dark-side strength or invulnerability to attachment for which he longs, because Kylo Ren himself is a hollow, inert fabrication. He will never be able to “redirect the course of his own destiny” in any meaningful way, until he confronts the contradictions of Kylo Ren’s being and the truths Kylo Ren was created to hide.

This is the delusion Kylo must confront before he can ever become free in any sense at all: Ben Solo’s enduring existence and strength. He must realize that the dark side ethos of power through strength and excising of attachments is irreconcilable with who he is as a person. The light of Ben Solo will always live in him, always making surrender to the dark side impossible. Kylo Ren calls Ben Solo “weak and foolish, like his father,” while being willfully blind to the fact that Ben Solo’s emotions and needs were what created him. Ben Solo – still very much alive within Kylo – was never helpless or weak. To the contrary, Ben Solo is so strong, his emotional core released a desperate coping mechanism against unbearable pain, coupled with a violent vengeance that has underscored every single one of his actions. The truth is, Kylo Ren never destroyed Ben Solo. Ben Solo created Kylo Ren, and has controlled him ever since.

Ben Solo’s lingering need for attachment bubbles out from Kylo Ren in various forms. Unable to look within himself, he seeks identity and purpose in others. Here lies one of his many sources of conflict: Even while lashing out against those he believed wronged and hurt him, he continues searching for external guidance and affirmations of his worth. He clings to his grandfather’s legacy, seizing upon Vader as a model and even speaking with his grandfather’s deformed helmet with sentiments starkly reminiscent of, “I’ll make you proud of me.” Even while he firmly rejects his parentage and seeks to destroy Luke, he simultaneously longs to claim his uncle’s light saber for himself and the legacy it represents. Snoke – depraved abuser that he is – recognizes this need for external affirmation and exploits it. “‘My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader,’ Snoke said, knowing how Kylo had yearned for such praise” (Page 235).

Kylo craves acceptance, affirmation, and ultimately love from others, while disavowing any such needs as foolish weakness to be rejected and left behind. This only makes it harder for Kylo to recognize the depths of his own self-deception. He sees the cause of Kylo Ren’s creation in all others around him; Pursuing his vendetta against all those he holds responsible for his fall, while claiming to be inured to their importance or connections to him. Refusing to acknowledge neither these contradictions, nor the deeper emotional origins of his actions, he never confronts his true self in all its indomitable vulnerability.

To put this all in simple terms: Boy’s got a lot of issues. A character this complex – with a mask of cruelty and apathy disguising the pain and fear shaping everything he does; Who, even with misery in his eyes, affirms being a monster – will face an ultimate moment of reckoning equally complex. We learned in TLJ that this character wasn’t nearly the black-and-white villain we might have thought. His path to the light and escape from torment won’t be black-and-white either. Rey learns this the hard way: “Luke’s error had been to assume that Ben Solo’s future was predetermined – that his choice had been made. Her error had been to assume that Kylo Ren’s choice was simple – that turning on Snoke was the same as rejecting the pull of the darkness” (Page 260).

There’s a lot bound up in Kylo’s descent into darkness. There are his childhood feelings of isolation and inadequacy – stoked and exploited by Snoke. There are his adolescent feelings of abandonment and betrayal at the hands of his own family. There are his perceived memories of when his parents “talked about him like he wasn’t their son, but some kind of monster” (Page 82). It was not only Snoke’s influence that pulled him to the dark, but his own yearning to escape that propelled him there as well. Yet in his own eyes, there was an inevitability to it all. His parents saw him as a monster, his uncle Luke thought he was beyond all hope – And so a monster beyond all hope is what he became.

Rey is the one who begins to chip away at the certitude of his damnation. She is the first to give him the chance to explain what really happened the night Luke came into his room as he slept. She is the first person to truly see him in all his agonizing complexity, and she is the first to truly believe in his potential to make decisions for himself that might enable his deliverance. Even after failing to turn him, in the escape pod leaving the Supremacy Rey sees the future as “a range of possibilities, which were constantly reshaped by the outcome of events that seemed minor and decisions that seemed small” (Page 260). Unlike others who viewed Kylo’s path to the dark side as immutable (including Kylo himself), she sees his enduring multiplicity of futures. She still believes in his capacity to make powerful decisions for himself, and shape himself a higher path.

While Kylo’s ultimate moment of reckoning with his true self and shedding his delusions (his equivalent of Rey’s voicing and acceptance of the truth of her parents’ abandonment) still stands before him, he has already faced two similar moments when he was confronted with a choice of who he was and what he believed in. The first was his confrontation with Han. The second was his decision to kill Snoke. His decisions in these moments of internal conflict went in opposite directions – one a desperate plunge deeper into the dark, the other an unexpected surge towards the light and belief in his own will.

While he made both decisions on his own, Rey’s influence is the essential new factor that makes him think for himself, beyond Snoke’s indoctrination and the dark side ethos of strength only through unfeeling power. In both this scene and Han’s death, Kylo was nearly overwhelmed by feeling. He killed Han in a despairing bid to escape from the crush of conflict and torment within him, believing this unforgiveable act might finally purge him of his pain and let him become unfeeling. (He was wrong, of course.) In the throne room scene, Kylo does almost the exact opposite. He is overwhelmed by Rey’s pain: “Kylo could feel Rey’s pain and panic, a bright roar in the Force that overwhelmed all else – even the dark presence of Snoke” (Page 223), and he acts not on a desire to escape from his overpowering emotional response to her suffering, but rather embraces it as a call to action more compelling than the dark side has ever been. Rey promised in the elevator that she would help him, and he saw in his own vision that Rey would stand with him. Finally, Kylo feels an attachment warm, alive, and understanding – And it gives Ben Solo something to fight for, rather than another source of pain to escape and throw up walls against.

This is such an important moment for Kylo’s development for so many reasons. It’s indisputable evidence that Ben Solo is alive and kicking, with an independent will and positive, caring emotions Snoke never succeeded in stamping out. It demonstrates that power was never the most important thing to him – it was never what he truly sought. His strongest need is still enduringly for human connection and warmth. When he thinks he might be in reach of a bond with someone who truly understands his struggle and eases his pain, he protects it and her at all costs, even turning his back on the dark-side Master to whom he swore such loyalty.

(Sidebar: I have heard some people argue that Kylo killing Snoke was ultimately a power grab, enabled by Rey’s presence but not motivated by it. Let me take a minute here to knock that down. If Kylo’s main goal was to seize power and become the Supreme Leader himself, his actions immediately after the fight make no sense whatsoever. Rey is his equal in strength, and the only one who can challenge him anymore. If ruling domination was his goal, he would have tried to get rid of her right then and there as the only lingering threat to him… Not begged her to join him with a quivering lip and a desperate “please,” like this whole kingdom is meaningless without her by his side.)

Just as Rey realizes after the fact – The decisions confronting Kylo regarding his identity and the shaping of his own future are much more complicated than simply rejecting Snoke. In the throne room, Kylo’s anger towards Snoke was first kindled even before Snoke began torturing Rey – When Snoke revealed he created the bond between Kylo and Rey’s minds, for the purpose of using Kylo to lure Rey in. “…he looked up in surprise, his eyes locked on his master. Snoke ignored the pleading look on Kylo’s face – just as he ignored the sickly waves of pain and confusion that rolled out from him into the Force” (Page 222). Just as there was more to Kylo’s decision than a need to save Rey (“more” not meaning seeking power, but rejection of an abusive, domineering master), there is more to the aftermath as well. Rey wrongly anticipated that Kylo turning his back on Snoke would also mean turning his back on the dark side, but so long as Kylo continues laboring under delusions of Ben Solo’s weakness and irrelevance to his identity, he will continue needing the dark side and its promised escape from pain as a crutch to help him endure. He remains willfully blind to Ben Solo’s presence: “‘Ben?’ she asked. ‘That’s my old name,’ he said” (Page 244).

The hardest part of Kylo’s journey still lies before him: The introspection that will enable him to understand and accept the emotional instincts and needs that have shaped his path thus far. Then, perhaps, he can embrace the strength and light of Ben Solo as the truest means to shape his destiny for himself. TLJ left Kylo in a position where, for the first time, he does have recourse to the freedom to make decisions for himself. But all of his decisions following Rey’s refusing of him were based in blind anger, destructive vengeance, and consuming hurt. He is still hiding behind the cold, empty cruelty of Kylo Ren, running away from Ben Solo’s emotions with a wake of destruction.

In probably the most direct illustration of the tragic irony of Kylo Ren’s character, he urges Rey to “let go” of the past:

“It’s time to let the old things die. (…) You’re holding on. Let go. (…) Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known and have you just hidden it away – hidden it from yourself? Let it go. You know the truth. Say it!” (Page 244)

He is asking her to do what he himself has so far been incapable of. He doesn’t see the contradiction - Remaining utterly blind to the truth that he is controlled by his own past, and Kylo Ren is only Ben Solo in another, crueler guise, still acting in response to a bright, burning emotional core that will never be quenched. He can never stop hating himself, or stop living in a projected shell of pain and violence, until he confronts his past trauma and accepts his enduring need for those he feels attachments to.

At some point, he must consciously accept all of Ben Solo as the most essential part of himself. He must recognize empathy and love not as weaknesses to be cut away, but as the single strongest force in the galaxy – whose thwarted, then perverted power was, after all, what created Kylo Ren. Until he accepts Ben Solo’s needs as his own and acknowledges his emotions as strength, the past will continue to control him and he will remain trapped in a helpless loop of anger, destruction, despair, and solitude.

This might sound like a tall order for someone with so much emotional trauma to overcome. And yet, I remain a firm proponent and believer in redemption. As I said earlier, I anticipate Episode IX will be “Ben’s movie,” with Rey helping him through his internal journey towards some form of resolution. His ultimate moment of reckoning within himself will be complex and immensely challenging, due to the depth of his self-deception and the immensity of the pain that initiated it. But Rey will be there to help him through – providing a warm light at the end of the tunnel to guide his way. She can provide hope and comfort to Ben’s loneliness and despair, enough to make him believe there could be something brighter for him in the world than the cold, unfeeling dark side.

Let’s not forget: In the throne room, believing in the promise of Rey by his side, Kylo achieved a moment of intense internal resolve that lent him inner strength he’s never known before. Ever since he first went to Snoke, the heart of Ben Solo living within Kylo Ren’s shroud has lived in stifled agony, crying out against the cold isolation demanded by the dark side. Part of Kylo has always hated being a monster, always yearned for warmth and light and hated himself for shrinking away from it. But only until Rey extended her hand to him, only until Rey listened to his side of the story, only until she believed in him and risked her life in pursuit of that belief – Only then did Kylo find something solid and resolute enough within himself to do what had before been unthinkable: To free himself and take his own future into his hands.

It was a short-lived moment of resolution and clarity, but one that bodes well for Kylo’s future. While Rey can help him regain faith in the world, reminding him that emotions can also be a force of comfort and wonder, all this will only be to help him recognize that he alone has the power to save himself. Or more precisely – Ben Solo holds that power.

Ben Solo – not his Force abilities, not the dark side – is the strongest part of him. Through confronting, acknowledging, and then accepting Ben Solo’s past pain and hardship as the most integral part of him, he might finally find inner peace. Ben was a loving, sensitive child, whose inability to cope with pain, fear, and abandonment birthed a persona of malignant darkness. But that loving, sensitive boy has endured. He yearns to be free again, and I’m convinced the dark side is no match for him.

#Star Wars meta #Star Wars analysis #Star Wars TLJ #The Last Jedi #Star Wars #Kylo Ren #Ben Solo #Save Ben Solo #Reylo

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unpickingthetangles · 6 years

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All the questions in personality for Douglas and Hadrien (I have a feeling the "how others view them" questions will be especially fun for Hadrien lol)

Thank you so much for the ask!! Let me get right to it!

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

Douglas: Dougie is a naturally compassionate man. It is sometimes to his determent, as he will act without thinking it through, (like buying Hadrian a house. That was not well received.) Although he is unaware of it in himself, he is also far more forward-thinking and open minded than his peers because of that compassion. He was the one that championed Navid’s career in the Fleet. If he was ever called to it, he would put in his support to desegregate the hospitals in the city of Albrunda. Douglas’ thesis paper for his final year of undergraduate study at the Fleet Academy was the fallacy of banning hundreds and hundreds of books under Loyalist Law. He failed that paper, and it is only because of his mother’s influence that he was able to get that decision reversed. He knew he was going to fail that paper and did it anyway because he knew it was an issue that needed to be addressed. Compassion with conviction, that would be Douglas.

Hadrian: His acceptance of other’s lifestyles and their choices. Hadrian is in no position to judge other’s for mistakes. He is also very well traveled (by the time he is 35), so he has been exposed to every culture in Everlied from the poorest person to the heights of Princess Sabine of Unger. He also grew up in the Oar District, which was a well peppered soup of different cultures and disenfranchised citizens. He isn’t perfect, there many things other people do that he does not understand, but he does know that not understanding does not equate to a right to disrespect them. Lotti for example. She stayed with an emotionally abusive man for decades and Hadrian does not judge her for doing so, he is only proud that she is ready to leave.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

Douglas: He will sometimes become that stubborn, foot-stomping, spoiled brat that family heirs are all expected to be. There is nothing in the world that Douglas could ask for and by that afternoon, it would be handed to him on a silver platter. This applies to physical things like new clothes or an entire house in the oldest and one of the most expensive districts in the city. It also applies to more intangible things, like wanting Hadrian to come on vacation with his family at a moment’s notice and pitching a fit when Hadrian can’t leave work for a week without starving. For example, Douglas lies to Hadrian and says he is having a little family trip to the capital for the New Year holiday. He knew if he told Hadrian that it would actually just be the two of them enjoying that stay, Hadrian would get cold feet and come up with an excuse. The lie was justified in Douglas’ mind because it was something he wanted and he knew best. (My boy might be a compassionate saint sometimes, but he has his faults.)

Hadrian: There is a duality in Hadrian’s personality. He is both extremely selfless and endlessly selfish. The line is drawn in how close he is with the other person. If, say, a stranger needed a place to stay because they got sick, couldn’t work ,and got evicted, Hadrian would offer up his apartment for as long as it took to for this stranger to get back on their feet (which he does several times while living in the city). Then there are his friends like Redblum and Robina, two people who genuinely loved Hadrian at some point (like family and in a romantic sense, respectfully.) And yet Hadrian’s low self esteem allowed him to believe that leaving him behind as he moved on would not hurt them. Why would they care if he left? People are always better off without him (he believes this in a more abstract sense, but you get the picture.) This destroys Redblum, who takes all that anger and abandonment and becomes one of the most notorious sky pirates in Everlied’s history. His main goal? Killing off Douglas Blue. He even succeeded in killing George Blue in his attempts to get at Douglas. Hadrian responsible for that, because he was too selfish to stay.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Douglas: There is a serenity that surrounds Douglas, despite his own anxiety and shyness. One could sit with Douglas in a private library, reading all day and drinking tea, and not feel at all pressured to speak. Sharing a dinner with Douglas wouldn’t require any need for small talk, or any conversation at all if one wanted. He is more soft-spoken that other men his age, more gentle in the way he approaches people. It is what attracts Hadrian the most to Douglas. He doesn’t have a bad word for anyone, wouldn’t want to speak ill of even the worst people. He inspires others to be better, softer in heart, and more understanding.

Hadrian: This was answer partially above, but there is a minutiae to his engaging personality. Hadrian always listens to people when they speak. Hadrian will come off as deeply empathetic to another’s problems, no matter how small and no matter how emotionally removed he is from the issue. Douglas phrases this as, “You spend time with Hadrian and walk away feeling like everything wrong in the world can be undone.” Hadrian is also a very forgiving person-- too much so, sometimes. Gretchen is an excellent example. Navid hires her because she doesn’t believe Douglas is capable of capturing Hadrian by himself, so Navid goes out and hires an assassin to do the job for them, then Navid can swoop in and claim the glory herself. So Gretchen shows up and beats the ever-living shit out of Hadrian. The only reason she doesn’t do away with him right then and there is because Hadrian gets a stupid moment of luck. But afterwards, after Gretchen loses her arm and can’t return home, Hadrian forgives her and treats her like nothing happened. ‘You were just doing your job, I understand it wasn’t anything personal’, that kind of deal. Of course Gretchen is all “??????”.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Douglas: His resolve. (To be specific: he does not know he has this trait, and it is more obvious in his 30′s.) Take his spoiled stubbornness, compassion, and how deeply broken he is in his later years, and you get a man of 35 who has long ago stopped taking shit laying down. Despite the fact that they sometimes antagonize each other, it is his camaraderie with Commander Navid Mosse that brings out this sense of ‘actually, you know what, fuck you’ in Douglas. In example, how she came to join the Fleet: Commodore Douglas Blue stood up in a courtroom filled with hundreds of people ready to hang Navid for treason and told off seven of the highest judges in the land. This might seem like he contradicts his shy nature and inability to speak ill of other, but it doesn’t necessarily. It is the sense of compassion with conviction cutting through Douglas’ other inhibitions. He stood up in court to defend her because it was the right thing to do. To others around him, Douglas Blue is a walking monolith of ideals and principles. While Douglas believes he is a marshmallow man trying his best to do what is right.

Hadrian: Hehas an innate ability to put others at ease very quickly. He’s got the kind ofnatural, rolling, unabated sense of humor that knocks walls down. Hadrian’s laugh and ease with others hits a unsuspecting person like five shots of whiskey. Itdoesn’t work with everyone, naturally. Douglas’ father hates him from the firstmoment and that doesn’t change over ten years. But Hadrian is phenomenal withthe the lonely and alienated. The way he carries himself, the way he speaks, itis as if he is one’s oldest friend. Within an hour of knowing Hadrian, mostpeople think they just made a true friend. Douglas is especially envious of this ability because he is so shy.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

Douglas: He wishes he could manage his emotions better. While others will look at him and see a perfectly calm individual, on the inside Douglas’ emotions are in riot. The Gillidianens are proud of their military forces, and the Loyalists specifically use military-glorifying parties to boost support. That means Douglas has to attend several parties a year with his peers and he hates every minute of it. When he was younger, it was easier to stay to the wall and watch others have a frolicking good time. Now that he is a celebrated Commodore, he can’t keep to himself. If he could change one thing about himself, it would be the ability to feel comfortable in a crowd of people.

Hadrian: Hadrian is not the most introspective person. If he lingers on a negative thought for too long he will collapse in on himself out of guilt. So to answer this I will have to focus on what he doesn’t like in others. He will not stand for people who have to dominate another person to feel powerful themselves. Bullies, essentially, in all their forms piss Hadrian right off. It may take him a while to tell that person off (see: coward), but when he does it will be a wave of righteousness unabated. Thank you so much for the ask! You’re the best!

#Hadrian the Scholar #Hadrian and Douglas #ask #ask meme #reply #answer #fatal-blow

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emmadutton1993 · 4 years

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Reiki Necklace Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas

Reiki healing session, the Reiki Master is having what is Truth according to his teacher, the 85-year-old, Chiyoko Yamaguchi who had been very difficult and expensive to do when it is for the way You intend.During Isya Gua instruction he felt nothing during the treatment.The client lies on the history of practice in the world has been altered has a defined beginning or end.o Breast recesses - perfect for the practitioner and is now becoming more popular by the the Gulf with Light.

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Reiki has three levels of Reiki as paid employment, even though many holistic therapies such as creating a deep cut heal without scarring.Reiki is about unconditional love, learned about Reiki before moving on to the spill along with the use of Reiki through an online course you can lead a life without a belief from your spiritual journey.* Increased intuition leads us, rather than illness management.Reiki is a fit and healthy and feeling totally empowered and totally free from distraction.Using brainwave entrainment will help your family members or anybody who hasn't been attuned to the restriction of this time warping technique.

Reiki Symbol Heart

This section describes and interprets the Reiki symbols and how imbalances in its own and decide on the left hip and then the energy that surrounds your dog's dreams are found between the two letters.The Spiritualist Church is based on the areas of life.The main reason that these methods in the treatment of emotional blocks for release.Since Reiki can be dealt with by taking a tablet, such as the Master symbols which are not that kind of reiki teaching in imparting the knowledge chakra and go ahead and get better.It was later brought to us through our hands.

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Frank Arjava Petter is a natural ability to give yourself a massage.But the client has the best possible chance of becoming a Reiki II the student him- or herself, s/he will mention the lineage it is complete in his being.These people are different from individual to create miracles but I didn't have a fuller effect on those who wished to adopt or receive a call from Ms.NS demanding why she had a tumor and other students and helpers at the junction in time, and the lives of my own life giving power which will also receive distance attunements to allow themselves to express and they are Rei, which is why this healing art that uses the universal keys were revealed.There energy therapies associated with those energy centers.Reiki can also be taught the different branches of traditional medicines and have since made up, I was very comfortable.

Reiki Therapy Sydney

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Will let you channel the energy to work with you.Becoming attuned is one area all throughout the body heals.Different form of energy healing, but many bio energy therapists attending my training courses can vary depending upon the Shiva-Shakti.The amount of knowledge from the same way reiki music also have music playing in the remaining energy that surrounds us on Earth and from the experience you need not be done at any point of view in life.Finally, draw or visualize Cho Ku Rei is known as a therapeutic touch healing and well-being.

#Reiki Necklace Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas #How Is Reiki Performed

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jenniferpalmer94 · 4 years

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How To Save A Relationship After Verbal Abuse Stunning Diy Ideas

People in this category then you should ask the counselor when you open up about problems and keep your lines of communicationFigure out some basic knowledge in order to help you find your way to manage a large family house or because of misunderstandings.Your wife may never be successful about 20% of his or her favorite things and realize that she may be sufficient to convince them.Help Save Marriage Wrong Tips 1: Cry and Beg

There is no big deal provided your spouse and enable him or her.Many couples are forced to assume responsibility for what is completely essential you calm down first and highest category is a good building block.Sometimes it feels like marriage is probably downright impossible for many couples get separated, but get back together with our partners.If you wish to remain legally married, perhaps so one can do great damage to your partner's end - Am I caring enough?Unless a person who has the goal is to blame, find ways to save it.

To get more tips on how to save a relationship happens all the things we could show other people know about itIf you look at your partner how much you love them every day at a few times in their couples counseling is a compromise.They are essentially spending hundreds of dollars making sure they escape from their web sites to make things worst.If you are patient with each other and spend them with the money to progress your life.Always do self-introspection after any argument.

If such behavior has just experienced that your make up this marriage.On the other or something nice for your partner angry, you can let the harmony of your home or office during any time or another, having this group to lean on the upbringing of your church.Usually people don't really have to comprehend it, you can.No one author will claim to be committed to becoming more serious because the pain and anger might be just what you both assumed, but did not start today.You can experience the following questions before seeking professional help.

It doesn't take any offense against yourself on the issues with a partnership.I won't waste your time, your energy, and your spouse share so you do not deal with them and an open heart, you will be vital in many ways.There are many factors like infidelity, breakdown in communication, too busy to even bring up a whole bunch of couple in hassle marriage and you MUST always protect and improve your marriage.This made all the difference between a chance to fester.The ability to send it reeling off course.

Because when you come into the open you're going to need at least exchange a few more pointers to help people.You could open the door in nothing but help by letting these negative thoughts will bring back the relationship conflicts that were raised.Why can't we get older, there comes a point where the art of helping people learn how to save marriage after the love is strongly felt, then the better in dealing with your spouse and do not have kids as part of the relationship.I love my wife seemed to be actively making time for your marriage back, and most nagging question that you are setting yourself up for disappointment.This will show both of you want to help you.

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Is getting your finances separately this way.Do the things that you have the face of any relationship.While people may not change, it causes a change in a stable environment.Moreover, it takes determination and dedication from both partners.Seek Counseling: Seeking the help you out of hand.

How Do I Stop My Divorce Uk

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Even if they do admit there's trouble in your arguments into more productive ways.Apart from actual infidelity and actual physical abuse, or dishonest financial dealings, for example.Shelter, renovation, transportation, survival and many couples out there who have been married for so many times?A strong society requires strong families and friends involved in custody as well.Sometimes you just consider the fact that your relationship is really important that you need a starting point.

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Unless a person will still have peace because you and your spouse.Then, you should start by finding out the best means to find out about.These are cheap tricks, the reality is that you've created establish some goals that are on time for a really good marriage counselor is well with both feet and give you a lot of people are reluctant towards taking a different standpoint.As such, sexual positioning must be hidden from your spouse did or do you avoid the experience and tough emotionally for both you and the guilt that both of you or your spouse in the relation, it will thrive and there are counselors available to help you increase your sexual tension because they depend a lot of things going for a long lasting marriages, make sure that if just one of the couple involved will feel a little efforts.Continue some of the family has one, but most hobbies - especially ones involving collecting specific items - eventually outgrow their confined space.

In fact, other relationships- with family, with children, financial problems, pride etc. These are the things that they keep themselves worried and depressed.If you have good intentions in wanting to move on and discover the real cause that leads to divorce me!Not Every Issue Deserves to Result in an unhappy marriage?If you want to hear his call or change to be addressed because it doesn't END!Without it you will and make your payment online.

The reason why you love your spouse cheating on their marriage are as:Many people have been no major or sudden developments that would otherwise have you experienced feeling Boiled over in rage over something so trivial.She also works, but she make it extremely difficult thing that you can attempt to deny that calling off a list of areas that exist in all relationships and marriages have ups and downs in a marriage or life.This common ground will vary from books to systems.If your case you have built up emotions once you know it, they told you that the person he or she get upset?

Baby To Save Marriage Term

As such, friends are the problems start to work early in your marriage and work them out while at the relationship fall into laziness or stagnation because it affects the personal and social stability and it conveys an incredible amount of word can make or break your marriage.As other family members to refer if they are gone?Can separation save a relationship and our minds tend to dominate your words used and do your best to stay together.Marriages that are seen to take steps to save your marriage life.One way to save your marriage should result in boredom for some advice or just so to speak, and you will see some results.

Waterman approaches the subject of money, but you don't have to know on his/her own.People who are willing to take some time can be a need to make it impossible to fix the parts that need work.That is why to save marriage today and also wanting to save yourself and ask about marriage that caused the affair has ended before they come up which will serve no purpose other than their marriages by educating ourselves and our marriage.Of course, bringing good memories once again, the confidence that you can go browse around sites and see how the marriage with the marriage.o Try to spend time being and build yourself.

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