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dreamcubed · 3 days

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...ready for it? | mattheo riddle x reader

song; ...ready for it? [taylor swift] pairing; mattheo riddle x fem!muggle-born!reader genre; fake dating, s2l, fluff, smut word count; 5,3k timeline; subsidiary 8th year warnings; swearing, references to alcohol/drugs/smoking, violence, blood and injury, piv sex, unprotected sex, fingering, discrimination (of muggle-borns) summary; following the war, mattheo is suffocated by the association with his father, and decides there is only one way to make people see that he is nothing like him. you, on the other hand, want to prove to people that, in the year you've been in hiding, you have changed from the naïve goody-two-shoes you once were

screaming crying throwing up at how good tortured poets department is

masterlist

"in the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do."

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The rumours followed Mattheo Riddle like hitmen— praying for his downfall, never leaving him alone, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. To many, it was obvious what he was before even meeting him. Evidently, the son of the Dark Lord was every bit as bad as his father, would fill his shoes now that he was dead, that there would be a Third Wizarding War with Mattheo at the very centre of it. Never mind that he hardly knew his father, that Voldemort had been gone for almost his entire childhood.

After the final demise of the Dark Lord, and Mattheo had elected to return to Hogwarts for the subsidiary eighth year, his reputation built on gossip and assumptions had only gotten worse. It hadn't helped that he now bore the dark mark on his left forearm, and he had tried to explain that his father had forced him to take it, that he would have hurt him in unthinkable ways if he didn't, but no one listened. No one cared. He still had his friends, but his association with them didn't help, as most of them were pure-blooded Slytherins whose families were death eaters.

But without them he would have nothing.

He didn't understand— no one was nearly as mad at Draco for walking over to the Dark Lord at the final battle as they were at him for simply possessing some of his DNA. It made him resent his cousin, but he knew he couldn't blame him. He had been every bit as coerced into the death eater cult as him: threatened with the deaths of them and their families.

Muggle-borns and the majority of the half-bloods avoided him like the plague; even some pure-bloods, who were far more politically correct, looked at him with distaste in their eyes. Mattheo wanted to scream to the whole world that he wasn't his father and didn't give a single fuck about blood purity. But who would listen? They would see that he was screaming and immediately associate his anger with the desire to start a war.

You, on the other hand, also couldn't escape your reputation. Prior to the war, you had been known as a goody-two-shoes, called uptight, boring, a smartass. While in hiding throughout seventh year, you had shed any resemblance you had to such an identity, but despite appearing and acting completely differently now you had returned for the subsidiary eighth year, your peers still treated you like a naïve and overly innocent child. Bullied you, even, in some more extreme cases. They viewed you as socially inept, sexually unaware, scared of alcohol, smoking and drugs.

They wouldn't listen when you told them that you had changed— so, there you found yourself, in a Saturday detention after doing something incredibly stupid to get people to stop seeing you that way. The stupid thing in question? You had let yourself get caught being outside of your house quarters after curfew. It was pathetic, and an admittedly idiotic thing to do just for the sake of changing your reputation, but there you were.

Worst thing was it hadn't even worked.

"I bet she had a panic attack," a Ravenclaw girl had giggled.

"She definitely got on her knees and started begging for the professor to show mercy," a Hufflepuff boy had laughed.

They still saw you as pathetic and helpless: a certified teacher's pet.

"Miss L/N, you'll be serving detention with Mr Riddle today," Professor McGonagall spoke, snapping you out of your self-pitying thoughts, "Your task will be to clean every cauldron here in the potions classroom— by hand, no magic— until they are gleaming."

You glanced over to your right to see that Mattheo Riddle was indeed sat there: he must have snuck in while you were deep in thought. It was just your luck, that your weak attempt would have the worst possible consequences— being stuck in detention with the Dark Lord's son as a muggle-born.

"I will check on you both periodically." The headmistress then departed, but not before saying to you, "I'm disappointed in you, Miss L/N."

Even your professors still saw you as naïve. It made you angry.

Mattheo watched you curiously as you stormed over to the big stack of cauldrons and roughly grabbed one, slamming it down on the floor and grabbing the muggle cleaning supplies left out. You started scrubbing in such an anger-fuelled rigorous manner that he almost forgot that he was supposed to be helping you.

"You gonna help or not?" you snapped.

His eyes widened, and he couldn't stop a smirk from gracing his lips, "Never thought I'd see the day where goody-two-shoes L/N is in detention and yells at me."

"Would people stop fucking saying that?" you said all too loud, "I hate it. I fucking hate it."

"Hate what?" Mattheo asked delicately, standing up and walking over to grab a cauldron from the pile.

"Being called a goody-two-shoes like I'm some kind of child," you scowled, "I'm sick of being treated like I've never even had a sip of alcohol."

This was the first time since before the war that a muggle-born had even entertained having a full conversation with Mattheo, even if you were filled with rage throughout it. Because of that, he decided that he needed to calm you down and make you actually like him— association with a muggle-born could completely transform his reputation.

"I'm sorry," he said delicately, the words foreign to him, "I didn't realise it hurt you so much."

You stopped scrubbing the cauldron to look up at him with shock evident on your face: had the son of Voldemort just apologised to you? He had to be mocking you, there was no way he wasn't. "You're making fun of me," you said cautiously.

"I'm not, I swear," he held his hands up in surrender, "I know all too well what it's like to not be able to escape a reputation."

"Aren't you in here for getting into a fight?" you raised an eyebrow curiously.

He nodded grimly, "Guy wouldn't stop saying I'm exactly like my father."

And that was when your opinion of Mattheo began to soften, and you started to feel bad for assuming he hated muggle-borns simply because of who his father was. But he did have the Dark Mark.

"If you're not like him, why did you get that?" you gestured towards his left arm, which was covered but everyone knew what sat there.

Mattheo drew back, "He was responsible for genocide, do you really think he was beyond threatening me if I didn't take it?" His words were cold, and angry.

"Sorry," you mumbled, regretting asking such a personal question when you hardly knew him.

Silence fell upon you both for a couple minutes as you polished away at the cauldrons.

"For the record, I didn't ever think you'd only had a sip of alcohol."

You quirked an eyebrow at him, "No?"

He shrugged, "Everyone gets drunk. I just thought you only did it outside of school."

A small smile crept on to your face, "Thank you, mind telling everyone else that?"

"Sure."

You had said it as a joke— you didn't expect him to be so agreeable. "Really?"

He nodded.

"Oh, God, now I feel so bad."

"Why?" Mattheo asked, finding your muggle-speaking mannerisms endearing.

"Because I believed your reputation."

"You don't anymore?"

You shook your head, "This is the first time someone's ever treated me my age."

He tilted his head curiously, "You know, I think we might be able to help each other's reputations."

"You do?"

"Think about it," he shifted closer to you, "People think I hate muggle-borns, you're a muggle-born. People think you're an innocent goody-two-shoes, I'm known for being quite the opposite."

"So...?"

"We date."

Your brain short circuited and you dropped your cloth into the cauldron, "We... date?"

"Not for real," he clarified, "Just until people's views of us are changed."

You thought it over. It was true: no one would think of Mattheo as like his father if he was willingly in a relationship with a muggle-born, and no real goody-two-shoes would date bad boy Mattheo Riddle.

"Okay," you said, holding out your hand, "Let's do it."

The boy smirked, taking your hand, "Perfect."

***

When you arrived at dinner that evening, after a long few hours of cleaning cauldrons until they glistened, it was hand in hand. He squeezed your palm softly as watchful eyes observed the two of you together, and he even tugged you over to the Slytherin table, making you give him a worried look.

"They'll be civil," he leaned down to whisper in your ear. You nodded nervously.

All of his friends were in silence as they watched you take a seat next to Mattheo, and their jaws almost dropped when he began dishing food on to your plate first. You felt embarrassed under their gaze, but you didn't let it show, thanking Mattheo once your plate was full. He gave you a soft smile that you had never seen grace his face before— not that you had ever been close enough to him to see it.

One of his friends, Blaise Zabini, cleared his throat and broke the silence, "So, uh, are you two a thing?"

"Yeah," your 'boyfriend' replied.

"I didn't even know you were courting," Blaise stated simply, clearly suspicious.

"There's a lot of things you don't know," Mattheo said vaguely, "Can't a man have some secrets?"

Silence fell once more.

"Do any of you have a problem?" he asked, the slightest hint of anger lacing his tone.

They all immediately shook their heads.

"Good."

Despite Mattheo's friends being remarkably docile towards you, you could still feel the stare of other people littered around the room. It was quite a shock, you supposed, as you two were probably the last couple anyone would have expected. Regardless, they should really learn to mind their business— if they did, you wouldn't have to be doing a whole fake dating scheme in the first place.

***

Mattheo walked you to class, held your hand in the corridors, and even carried your books for you wherever you went. Stares continued to follow, but people no longer called you a goody-two-shoes: no, instead when you overheard people ask about you, they said "she's Riddle's girl" instead. You would prefer to be thought of as your own person, but it was certainly a step up from the reputation that you were so sick of. That, and Mattheo had informed you that muggle-borns were no longer avoiding him like the plague, even occasionally nodding at him in the hallways. All around, the plan was working.

No one knew that your dating scheme was fake apart from the two of you, even his friends believed it— and, despite your blood status, they were beginning to warm up to you. Pansy especially, and you were grateful to finally have someone that you could consider a friend.

One chilly Tuesday morning, when Mattheo was walking you to your ancient runes lesson, there was another girl in your class being 'dropped off' by her boyfriend. You both watched as he leaned down to peck her lips before leaving, and you didn't think anything of it until you reached the door and Mattheo leaned down to press a soft kiss on your lips. Taken aback, your ears heated up, and you felt shy as he smirked at you.

"What was that for?" you whispered.

The man before you shrugged, "He did it. Can't have people knowing the truth about us."

"They have no reason to suspect it," you grumbled, but you couldn't deny the butterflies swarming around your stomach.

"Better safe than sorry," he grinned cheekily, "I'll see you later, doll, yeah?"

You nodded, caught off guard when he kissed you yet again.

You were in a daze when you entered the classroom, and you knew that everyone could guess why there was a smile plastered on your face. You felt like a lovesick fool, when you weren't even in love.

***

Mattheo had insisted that people would question the validity of your relationship if you didn't go on Hogsmeade dates together: every Hogwarts couple went on dates to Hogsmeade. You had reminded him that people had no reason to question whether or not your relationship was fake, but he had once again shrugged and said, "Better safe than sorry." Not that you minded, of course, you had always wanted to participate in the Hogsmeade dating tradition. Although, it did make you wonder how long this dating scheme would go on for, as Mattheo's reputation was essentially already completely transformed.

"Can we go in Honeydukes?" you asked as Mattheo, like the gentleman he apparently was, helped you down from the carriage.

"Of course," he smiled, not letting your hand go, "Wherever you want, doll."

Your stomach flipped, but there remained an itching notion in the back of your head. It was fake: it was all fake. He was only being so gentlemanly and caring to prove to the school that not only did he not share his father's views on muggle-borns, but that he could dote on one like it was his life's purpose. All he wanted was to no longer be seen as the devil's incarnate, so he presented himself as an angel. But, when he looked at you with that smirk and that glint in his eyes, it would feel real— just for the briefest moment. No one had ever been romantically interested in you before, maybe that's why you felt his actions deep in your core.

"Hello? Y/N?" his voice snapped you out of your drifting thoughts, and you realised that he was talking to you.

"Hm?"

"Thought I'd lost you there," he chuckled, "C'mon, doll— Honeydukes, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry," you looked down abashedly, and his grip on your hand tightened.

"Sometime this year, if that's okay with you."

***

Mattheo's ring-clad hands left a cool trail against your blazing skin, setting your insides alight as you felt wetness pool at your core. He had his signature smirk settled on his face, the smooth curve of his pink lips sending sparks throughout your body. The hazed look in his dark eyes likely mirrored the one in yours— you were getting desperate, revelling in the way he stared at your tits.

"Please, Matty," you murmured, begging for something, anything.

His sinister chuckle made your senses twitch and tingle. "Please what? What do you want, doll?"

"You," you said thoughtlessly, reaching your hands up to grasp on to his shirt.

"I'm all yours," he whispered, his hand trailing down to the inside of your shorts and panties. When he finally made contact with your slick entrance, your hips bucked up, grateful to have finally received some amount of stimulation. "You're so wet for me."

You hummed as he began tracing circles on your clit, forcing out a moaned, "Only for you."

He applied more pressure, making you grasp on to the bedsheets for dear life, unable to physically comprehend the magic feel of his calloused fingertips. The smirk on his face returned as he watched you writhe beneath him, and you felt your peak approaching faster than you had imagined was possible. Everything about it felt so right, so perfect, so erotic.

"You gonna come for me, angel?" he asked, his eyes locked on to yours.

You nodded.

"Then come."

And just as you felt your muscles begin to tighten and the pleasure begin to climax, the moment was cut short.

***

You were in bed, that much was still the same, but there was no sign of a Slytherin descendant anywhere in your vicinity, and your tits were not out in the open, being enclosed within your large pyjama shirt. You groaned, feeling the pool of wetness between your legs, but being unable to do anything about it due to your shared dormitory situation. Fuck, Mattheo wasn't even your real boyfriend, and you had just had a godly wet dream about him that lit a match in your soul.

How could you face him after picturing him in such an intimate situation? How could you pretend like you were okay with the surface-level falseness of your façade? He was your doom's day: you could feel it. You should never have agreed to a fake relationship, and remained begrudgingly within your outdated reputation.

Reluctantly, you peeled the covers off of your sweating body, and made your way to the showers.

***

Avoiding him was just as impossible as being around him. For one, you couldn't risk people questioning the stability or realness of your relationship. For two, the second you entered the Great Hall for breakfast, he was beckoning you over to where his friends were. And you couldn't very well ignore him when he had done absolutely nothing wrong.

"Hey, doll," he greeted you, pecking your cheek in the process. The very action made the flame burn brighter.

"Hi," you all but squeaked, focusing your attention on taking some waffles.

"We were just discussing the next quidditch game."

"It's a guaranteed win for Slytherin," Zabini smirked, knowing full well that the team that they would be playing against was your house's.

You scrunched up your nose, "I wouldn't be so sure."

"Are you not even gonna wear my jumper during the game?" Mattheo asked, sending yet another sparking bolt straight through your veins. You could feel your body heating up just by being in his presence.

"Against any other house I would, but I have to draw the line somewhere," you said, hoping your voice sounded completely normal and not at all like you craved his naked form. Unfortunately, the appeal of wearing a clothing item that would have his scent woven into its fabric was not helping your case.

"Pity," he grumbled.

Thankfully, Zabini challenging your opinion that Slytherin wasn't guaranteed to win led to a wonderfully distracting argument with the rest of the Slytherin boys. Not only was it a distraction, but it also made you feel as if they saw you as an equal, not just as a muggle-born, but in age and lack of innocence as well. It was a stupid notion, but it was the kind of treatment that you had desired for so long.

"I can't stand this quidditch talk any longer," Pansy finally said, having remained quiet for the majority of the conversation, "Y/N, wanna get away from the men?"

"Please," you murmured, grateful to escape the intoxicating presence of Mattheo.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Pansy shook her head as she stood up, "Anywhere but here. The girls' toilets if it means getting away from you all."

You giggled, going to stand up. You felt Mattheo's hand grasp your wrist, giving way to tingly sensations reminiscent of last night's dream.

"I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Of course," you nearly stuttered, "We have defence against the dark arts."

He nodded, letting go of your wrist, before saying to Pansy, "Don't keep her too long."

"Calm down, lover boy," she retorted, linking arms with you as you began to walk off.

The last thing you heard from the Slytherin boys was Berkshire saying to Mattheo, "You're pussy-whipped, mate."

Oh, how you wished he was.

***

"I don't know how you managed to lock down prince of the fuckboys Mattheo," Pansy spoke as you both entered the girls' toilets, "And I do see the way he looks at you-"

"The way he looks at me?"

She nodded, "Like you're the only girl in the room— but, please be careful. I don't want you getting hurt."

You knew that it was too late for that, as you had caught feelings in a fake relationship, and it was killing you inside that you couldn't tell anyone about it. All you could do was agree with Pansy. "Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it."

"Of course, we're friends," Pansy smiled, "And I love Mattheo dearly as a friend, but I know his history when it comes to romance and sex."

"People change," you murmured, just loud enough for her to hear.

"That they do," she agreed, "But just be sure of Mattheo's change before you fall madly in love with him."

Somehow you feared it was too late for that.

***

During defence against the dark arts— a theory lesson, unfortunately— you found your seat next to Mattheo as you let Pansy's words mull over you. The anxious pondering that you were in too deep caused you to start nervously bouncing your leg up and down. It was an action that did not go unnoticed by Mattheo, who furrowed his eyebrows at your behaviour. Gently, he placed his hand on your thigh and watched as you froze up at the contact.

Because, little did he know, the simple act of a touch so close to your core sent tingling flashbacks of your dream of him flooding through your veins. Your skin became ablaze with desire, and long gone was the obsessive overthinking about what Pansy had said to you. You sucked in a shallow breath, gripping your quill tightly as you glanced towards Mattheo who was now looking at you with thrice the concern than he was earlier.

"You okay?" he whispered.

You gulped and nodded, but it was clear that he didn't believe you. He squeezed your thigh gently, and you swore that your brain nearly short-circuited— yet you didn't want to push his hand off. This moment was so far removed from the fake external image of your relationship that you temporarily forgot all of your concerns. No one could see where his hand was: it served no purpose towards your reputation as a couple.

Merlin knows you would never be able to recall the content of that lesson.

***

One breezy autumnal afternoon and you were walking down the hallway, hand in hand with Mattheo and giggling about this and that. You had finally pushed Pansy's warning to the very back of your mind, and allowed yourself to almost fully immerse yourself in the moment with your so-called boyfriend. The interlocked nature of your hands felt natural as you paid no mind to bystanders.

That was, until, the unmistakable word of mudblood passed through your ears from the direction of a seventh year Slytherin, who evidently disapproved of your newfound association with the house. It was annoying, really, how your ears always tuned into that word no matter how distracted you were. You paused in your movements and stared at him: you were no longer timid, nor a push-over. Mattheo looked confusedly at you and where you were looking.

"What are you looking at, mudblood?" the seventh year sneered at you, and before you could even say anything, Mattheo's hand had let go of yours.

And he had barrelled right into the boy, throwing merciless punches as his face went stone cold. "Do you wanna say that again, hm?" he spat, landing another solid hit, "Don't ever fucking talk about my girlfriend like that."

You stared in shock at the brawl, feeling a whole wave of mixed emotions— Mattheo was defending you, and by God did he look fucking hot doing it. But, also, you really should break up the fight before he committed manslaughter.

"Mattheo," you said softly, but he didn't hear you, so you said louder and more sternly, "Mattheo."

His movements ceased and he resorted to staring down at the boy who now groaned in pain, covered in blood and already darkening bruises.

"This was a warning," he said carefully, "Next time I won't stop."

You shook your head, grabbing his bicep to pull him off the boy for good and dragging him away. It was lucky there hadn't been a professor around, but they would probably still find out one way or another and Mattheo would get punished. For now, however, he was yours to deal with.

"I can fight my own battles," you bit off, but there wasn't any real malice in your tone.

"I know," he said simply.

You sighed and rolled your eyes, "Thank you, though, for defending me."

"Of course. No one belittles my girl."

Your heart flipped— there was nobody around, there was no reason for him to say that. Deciding to focus your attention in order to ignore the thumping of your heart, you analysed his hands. "We need to get you cleaned up."

"It's just a little blood," he shrugged.

"A little is still too much. C'mon."

You dragged him to the abandoned girls' toilets, where Moaning Myrtle resided, and ran some toilet paper (which had probably been there for decades) under the tap. As you began delicately wiping down the injuries, Mattheo watched you with intrigue, admiring your attention to detail. Little did he know, you were simply trying to stop yourself from replaying the sexiest image you had ever scene in your life inside your head. You felt as if you were about to burst into flames.

Once you were finally done, you chucked the toilet paper into a toilet and re-emerged from the cubicle, making eye contact with the man leaning against the sinks. Moaning Myrtle seemed to be nowhere in sight.

Which was a good thing, because the tension in the air was thick— thicker than blood. You bit your lip as Mattheo's eyes raked down your body and drank you in. Under his gaze, you felt purely animalistic: beauty didn't matter, intelligence didn't matter... all that mattered was skin on skin and bodies becoming one. But, when it became clear no one was going to make a move, you said, "Pansy warned me about you."

"In what way?" he smirked.

"That I shouldn't get in too deep with the prince of fuckboys until I'm sure you've changed."

"And do you think I've changed?"

"What does it matter? We're not actually together."

A flash of hurt coursed through Mattheo at the reminder, but he remained stoic and said, "That's not what I asked, is it?"

You stared at him blankly.

"Do you think I've changed?" he repeated.

You said nothing.

"Because I think I've changed," he stepped closer to you, "So, I'll ask you one more time, do you think I've changed?"

"Yes," you replied feebly.

"My friends think I've changed," he continued, "They think I'm pussy-whipped."

You felt bold for the briefest moment, and asked, "Are you?"

He shrugged, leaning his face down until it was inches from yours, "I don't know yet. Guess we'll have to find out."

And then his lips were on yours in a passionate frenzy. None of those pecks he had given you in greeting and goodbye: no, this was a real kiss, one that had the fire in your heart dancing erratically. You pulled away, breathless, to see that Mattheo was looking at you with hazy dark eyes.

"Was that real?" you asked.

"Well, it happened, didn't it?"

You shook your head, "I mean, was it real?"

A smirk tugged on his lips, "No one was here to see, sweetheart."

And that was all the confirmation you needed to kiss him again, sliding your tongue along his lips as he grabbed your ass, squeezing and groaning. You felt electric, alive— transcendent. His mouth moved from your lips, to along your jaw, to your neck. He sucked and licked in a way that had you letting out a gasp, melting under his touch.

"You're my nicotine," he mumbled, slipping a hand under your skirt and pushing you back against the wall.

You moaned as his fingers glided over your clit.

"You like that, doll?"

Helplessly, you nodded, your legs buckling as he applied more pressure and more vigour.

"Mhm, that's my girl," he murmured, bringing you quicker to your release than you had ever been able to manage yourself.

"Fuck, Matty, I'm gonna come," you gasped out, hips bucking up as you leaned against the tiled wall.

He chuckled as you rode out your high, the slickness of your pussy creating a squelching sound throughout the acoustics of the massive vacant toilets.

"I hate it when my friends call me that," he muttered, pulling his fingers out from under your skirt.

Your ears heated up even more— if that was possible— and you quickly rushed out a, "Sorry."

"Don't be," he kissed your lips softly, "I like it when you say it."

Your lips curved into a shy smile.

"Do you mind if we deal with a certain problem?" he asked, gesturing to the tent in his trousers that had more slick leaking from you at the sight of.

"Of course," you said slyly, a new wave of confidence rushing over you. Slowly, you walked around him and sauntered over to the sinks, pulling your tights and panties down as you leaned forward and lifted up your skirt.

"Fuck," you heard him curse, "You really have changed."

And then he was behind you, as suggested by the sound of a zipper so close to you, and the fact you could see him in the mirror. You watched as he pulled out his dick, which was thick and long, making your mouth water as he lined himself up with your entrance.

"Are you sure?" he questioned, not sure if he could take any answer but 'yes'.

You bobbed your head, "Fuck me, Matty."

"As you wish, doll." And then he was inside you, filling you to the brim and making you feel as if you were finally whole.

"Fuck," you gasped, clutching the edge of the sink as he began thrusting, your eyes tightly shut.

"Look at me."

You opened your eyes, making eye contact with him in the looking glass. Sweat was gathered on his brow, and his hands were tightly on your hips— you felt so close to him, in such a real and authentic way that had your soul burning.

One of his hands moved, retreating out of your view, but you knew exactly where it went when you felt a jolt of pleasure shooting through you. He rubbed circles that had you seeing stars, your moans and curses pushing Mattheo close to the edge along with the pure ecstasy of how you felt around him. He didn't think he had ever been so vocal during sex before, but with you, everything felt brand new. Finally, Mattheo felt like he belonged somewhere, felt like he was nothing like his father— but he had no place in his thoughts at that moment. Instead, he focused on you and the clothed curves of your body, until he was about to explode.

"Can I come inside you?" he panted.

In a sex haze, you moaned, "Yes."

And then his release hit, the throbbing of his dick pushing you to your second orgasm as his movements became sloppy. Eventually, once your highs had been ridden through, he stopped moving, the only sounds remaining being the ones of heavy breathing. When he had pulled out, and you had both cleaned up and done up your clothes, you gave him a teasing smile.

"Are we real now?"

He chuckled, "This was never fake. Not to me."

"Well, then, boyfriend," you smirked, "Better scurry on and get me a Plan B potion."

He pressed a kiss to your lips, "Yes, ma'am."

And he took your hand in his.

———————————————

masterlist

written; 10/04/2024 —> 25/04/2024 published; 25/04/2024 edited; —/—/——

235 notes · View notes

nonuify · 22 hours

Note

Just jeonghan sending a video of his hands like this (https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6C2y6bJ-Uu/?igsh=MWhlaGhtOG40N2h1Yw==) while he's on tour for you and then calling you and making you masturbate imagining those fingers

ᝰ.ᐟ ☕️ — Y.JH ; ! such a tease

nsfw is included ! minors do not interact 18+. [ smut ] ꩜. | part of the jeonghan hands committee 🫡

“ missing your boyfriend while he’s on tour one day he sent a video, you thought it was just another video of him. oh how you were wrong. ”

it was just another boring day without your lover, lounging at the comfort of your bed since it was nighttime there was nothing to do honestly but to sit & watch some series on your laptop.

honestly you missed him even tho he left a few weeks ago but a person can miss him the yoon jeonghan especially his fucking sessions with damn, it was the best.

twisting & turning on the duvet the currently warmed your skin, you were getting bored really fast, needing entertainment quick, suddeling a ping! from your phone erupting, it was an amusing coincidence, of course you checked your phone, quickly smiling realizing it was a message from your boyfriend.

hannie 🩶 / hello doll, how are you, missing you </33

you / hiii !! I’m missing you so not good :(((

hannie 🩶 / it’s only a couple months, sweets I promise then I’ll never leave you alone like ever 💯

you / yeah I know but… what about now

hannie 🩶 / I’m sorry baby:(

you sighed, you didnt want to make him feel bad but at the same time you missed him so much truly, I mean everyone missed their lover when they are gone right?

returning to the misery of watching a romcom which you quite literally don’t understand it, you just put it on to wash away your sadness of missing jeonghan.

suddenly another ping!.

hannie 🩶 has sent a video.

when you opened it your jaw was widened, that little fucker you thought, he knew you had a thing for his hands, sending a video while he was away just made it worse.

you looked at how his hands moved wishing it was playing with your cunt that was now wet.

you whined pressing your thighs together to cause friction, to ease the feeling.

you / ???

you / what the fuck are you doing?

read.

he really left you on read? right now? in a life of crisis where you needed him to plunge his fingers in & out your cunt till you came a million times.

“that’s son of a !-“ you yelled, but got cut off quickly by a ring erupting from your phone.

hannie 🩶 is calling.

answering the phone quickly, praying that this phone call would turn into a steamy masturbation session.

“hello?” you spoke up first, needing to know why he would tease you.

“you loved the video i assume” he jumped right into it, with a teasing laugh following through it

“shut up you idiot, you know how I feel! especially that your away, dumbass!” you whined.

“awh my baby misses me so much doesn’t she?” he teased more not caring about the need you so much had.

“please just… just don’t tease anymore” you said more quieter then a few moments ago

“tell me baby, what are you thinking about?”

“your hands, hannie” you pouted, looking at yours, wishing it was his about to play with you instead.

“my hands?, well doll what are my hands gonna do you for you hm?” he asked once more, wanting more answers uttering from your mouth.

“you know what I mean han” you mumbled but he catched you hearing that.

“no baby I don’t know what you mean” he said, voice hinting with amusement.

“your hands in me, okay??” you finally confessed. the not so innocent thoughts about his fingers.

“you’re so cute when you act like that, how about you imagine my fingers in your pretty little cunt hm?” he said you but you knew well it was anything but a favor.

“now listen doll, i want you to play with your clit slowly how does that sound?” he continued.

you obeyed, slipping your fingers inside your soiled panties, till they came in contact with your clitoris, you pressed on it firmly, a sigh of relive coming out then continuing to rub it in a circular motion, with quite subtle moans following.

jeonghan tensed to your lewd sounds, his member hardening more than a few moments ago, his hand slipping down to press on his raging cock reliving the pain, he groaned a fuuck lowly, “cmon now sweets slip in a finger for me, go in & out shit” he cursed out as you followed his every word.

your finger met with your wet hole arousal dripping out of it, slipping it in quite easily then out shortly, you continued to this routine till you started to beg for more, “please hannie I wan’ more please” you whined tears threatened to spill down your eyes, jeonghan had always teased you during sex calling you his crybaby, which turned you on immensely.

“my baby slut already crying huh? you’re so pathetic” he laughed out, “cmon you can add a finger then scissor them baby, want you to stretch you out you can do that” he followed up.

you added another finger plunging them into you going them in & out in a rythem then eventually parting them inside of you, you rolled your eyes loving the feeling of it, a loud moan escaping your pretty lips with a bunch of curses, jeonghan began palming himself to your sounds, groaning as he imagined you giving him a handjob.

you sped up your pace, wanting to catch your orgasm, not knowing you slipped a third trying to imitate his hands knowing you could never feel the same with his hands “thinking bout me fucking you open with my hands baby hm? my dumb fuckin’ baby such a whore for just my hands god” he threw his head back.

feeling the knot thing inside your belly you fasten the pace once more, desperately needing to cum, & jeonghan’s dirty talk helped a ton of lewd imaginations of you & him.

“fuck, fuck, fuuck hmphh!!” you yelled as cum gushed through your hole, panting heavily.

“mm that was good hannie” you spoke out barley.

“yeah? shit you should’ve heard how you sounded like” he chuckled a bit.

“thank you hannie I love you” you shyly spoke

“mm love you too baby, you should sleep it’s quite late there isn’t it” he said, you defended yourself saying you weren’t sleepy but he knew you well, you would wake up grumpy, sooner or later you wished him good night as he did so too.

in the morning ᯓᡣ𐭩

hannie 🩶 has sent a photo !

you woke to a message sent from your lover.

smiling as you opened it, but quickly fading away as you realized it’s a dick pic. not just any it was his dick with your cum filled panties with it.

! 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ thank you for reading >ᴗ< !! hope you like this anon !!

#seventeen smut #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen scenarios #svt smut #jeonghan x you #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan smut #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan #seventeen

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colonoscopys · 13 hours

Text

ch. 18

buddie I 900 words I ao3

He’s drunk.

Not the blazing, head so spinny he could hurl if he stood straight, but in the hours after drunk that comes with a dry, heavy tongue and a slurred voice he still has some sort of control over.

Buck’s in the same boat, or—he thinks he must be, he doesn’t know, sitting criss-crossed next to him outside their hotel room door because they can’t, for the life of them, figure out how to put the key card into the door.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck slurs, looking at him with slow, wide-lidded blinks. “Where’s—where’s Chimney?”

He draws out Chimney. Chim-ney.

Eddie shrugs. He can’t make his mouth work for the life of him. He’s pretty sure he saw Chimney two hours ago—before the music started? Or at least when he started singing Maneater with one of the Drag Queens.

Buck knocks a shoulder into his as he slips down the wall, the smell of his hair briefly sifting into his nose. He smells like gin and lemons, and a little bit of that fancy curl product he tresses up his hair with before every fancy event.

I know his hair product, he thinks loosely, tilting his head against the wall as he takes Buck’s weight. I know his hair product, and the way he does his hair before work. I know it all because he helps my son do his hair just the same way. I know it all because my son wants to be like him, so I have learned him, for my son. I know it all because I have learned him. I know it all because I have learned him, for me.

I have learned him. I have earned him.

“Does—” And Fuck, maybe he’s drunker than he thought. “Does Tommy know your curl?”

Buck hums, non-committedly. He hasn’t heard a word Eddie said. He tries again.

“Does,” he spits out. Doooesss. “Tommy.” Ttttommyyyy. “Know.” Know.

Buck lifts his head up and ends up tipping too much to the other side. Eddie grabs him by the forearm, tight. The action feels familiar in ways that Eddie, for the life of him, can't understand.

Buck blinks at him, bright blue eyes stupid dilated. “Does Tommy know what?” He whispers. He draws out his name, too. Tom-my.

Eddie looks at him and loves him.

He’s always known he loves Buck. For the first time in his life, though, he thinks—I love you. What does that make me?

Eddie opens his mouth. The back of his throat burns—maybe from all the tequila shots or the lemons hitting the rim of his teeth or the raw pad of his tongue from licking salt off of Buck’s warm palm.

Does he know what you look like covered in blood, Eddie wants to ask. Does he know what it looks like when you haven’t showered in three days because you’re so depressed you don’t know if water burns more than the sun. Does he know what it looks like when you’ve got ugly red eyes because you’re so sad you don’t even know how to hold it. Does he know what it looks like to see you shining, like a savior, in the worst of the worst, in the worst of your days. Does he know what it’s like to lose you, really lose you, and see you swallowed up by white sheets and a lightning scar across your chest. Does he know what it’s like to be loved by you. Does he know.

He thinks—I love you. What does that make me?

Eddie tries to take a breath but it feels like there’s something crawling up his throat, so he tilts his head back up against the wall and tries to take a breath.

“He’s coming to the wedding,” Buck continues, as Eddie stares at him.

Eddie nods. “Good,” he says. Good. Buck. “Tommy.” Tommy. Tommy.

He looks at Buck and thinks of the answer.

It makes him a dead man, this love. It’ll kill him probably. It has to kill him. It has to be like a disease you can’t hear or smell or breathe, and you have to be alone in the hospital with your blood running in circles beneath your skin. It has to be like a disease that kills you before you take your next breath. It’s killing him.

I love you. What does that make me?

It makes a fucking idiot, is what it makes him, because god he’s always too fucking late, running into stupid relationships after relationships after being too fucking late in the beginning of it all. He is too late. He is too late and he is in love and he is burning up right from the inside.

I love you. What does that make me?

He heaves. He can’t breathe. Buck puts his head back down on his shoulder, and all of a sudden Eddie has to learn how to breathe, or otherwise he’ll disrupt Buck’s rest. He can’t disrupt Buck’s rest.

“Buck,” he starts, opening his mouth. Buck sighs, half-heartedly, and tilts back. He looks at Eddie. Eddie opens his mouth.

“I love you,” he says. Nothing comes out. “What does that make me?”

Buck looks at him, confused. He blinks, like he's thinking it through.

“Eddie.” He draws out his name, slow. Eddie.

#you are allowed. to hate this #buddie fic #evan buckley #911 fic #hello 😇😁#eddie diaz

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marymary-diva17 · 3 days

Text

wash day

sully kids x mom reader

The navi had many years of doing daily life and personal upkeep of themselves. There also seem to be some a day when there will be no task done, and it will become wash day for hair and redoing braids or making new styles. Well now that the day has come for omatacayia clan, as it was time to wash hair after a month's months of braids, along with just a day of fun between family and friends.

y/n " come on kids were are all heading to the lake and waterfall today"

neteyam " wash day"

y/n " yes wash day but we always have a way of make it fun"

kiri " can spider come with us"

tuk " doesn't he wash his hair more then us"

y/n " yes as he human but he can still come with us to have his hair wash and new style of hair as well"

kiri " yes I have been wishing to try a new style of hair on him"

lo'ak " don't be making my bro looking like a fool"

kiri " I will never do that to spider you idiot"

lo'ak "hey I'm just trying to help"

y/n " come on you two stop fighting let get going"

kids " yes mom" the kids had ran and gather spider as the family, had went to the water for wash day. You are near the waterfall with tuk after, unbraiding her braids with some combs you had.

y/n " now that all your braids are done we are good"

tuk " yes"

kiri " mama can we use your comb to help undo spider locks"

y/n " here honey use this one as it will help more if you need help call me"

kiri " yes mama"

spider " thank you auntie" kiri and spider had sat down as they started undoing spider locks, as you stood in there water. You had used a wooden bowl and soon poured some water, over tuk heading making her laugh.

tuk " can I wash my hair mama"

y/n " yes you can honey just use this bowl or duck under the water"

tuk " yes mama"

kiri " okay all done"

y/n " I always forget how long your kids hair might be after being, in braids for so long" the three kids had laughed as they looked at each other their hair is very long, when it was out in braids.

????? " cannonball" soon a loud splash had been heard getting everyone attention, they all turn their heads to see lo'ak soon pop up from under the water.

lo'ak " hey everyone"

????? " lo'ak" you soon looked up to see neteyam standing on ledge as he looked down at his brother and soon you.

neteyam " hey mama"

y/n " hello my son well it seems like I might have my answer to way, you are here my boy"

lo'ak " I thought it will be fun"

y/n " I can see that neteyam you can do the same as your brother if you wish" Neteyam had nodded his head and soon dove off the cliff into the water. very graceful getting claps from his siblings.

lo'ak " show off"

neteyam " love you to baby bro" neteyam soon splashed lo'ak with the water, making lo'ak laugh as he soon did the same to neteyam. The rest of the kids soon joined their brother in the water fight. The kids were having a good time, while your unbraided your hair while, using the waterfall to wash your hair.

???? " hey everyone" the group had looked up to see Jake, neytiri, and tsu'tey, norm standing at the water edge. It seems like they got done of what they need to, and came to join the group of wash day. They soon joined the kids and you in the water as they, had their hair unbraided.

y/n " well come join us" the group had joined the kids and you in the water, they kids hair had been washed with some stuff that neytiri had given you and brought. Along with later being used for the adults hair later on after the kids, had their hair washed and wash out with water.

later on

y/n " hey kiri will you love some help with you hair"

kiri " yes mama"

y/n " okay come here and I will help you" kiri help as you help braid some of her hair while she did the rest, you had made sure to brush out her hair os they were no tangles in them.

neytiri " ma y/n do you have any beads tuk will love some in her hair"

y/n " yes over here"

tuk " wow there are so many colors"

y/n " you can pick from any of them sweetie" tuk and neytiri had sat a few feet from you and kiri, then there were the boys.

Jake " hey boys what do you think about some of have a brand new hair cut"

lo'ak " what"

Jake " yeah I use to have a whole different hairstyle when I was younger it was very cool, and I think it will look good on you"

neteyam " that sounds interesting"

y/n " you didn't keep that hairstyle until neytiri braided your hair"

Jake " fine you have a pint there"

neytiri " I think braids will suit you all best"

y/n " yes I have to agree as well"

Jake " then we can of that" the boys had their hair braided and it had come out good.

y/n " see now all of you kids are looking good and brand new as well"

kids " thank you mama"

y/n " anytime my loves"

Jake " now you kids can run off and be with your cousin for the rest of the day"

kids " thanks dad" the kids had ran off with spider as you soon sat under a tree with your spouses. The day had ended well after a good wash day, everyone had a new hairstyle to them that will last them a good moment of time until the next wash day comes around. Jake even made sure to get in some family photos like all the other times, for a good family memory as everyone could look back on past and everyone growing up as well.

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ashdreams2023 · 2 days

Note

Hello again! I was wondering if you still do requests and if so, can I request a Severus x reader but platonic? Like we've all read Sev being like a guardian of sorts to students but what if reader is like the prof that cares for Sev when he was a student? Like Severus' favorite teacher is reader cause not only is she smart and teaches well but she has a soft spot for Sevy and is one of the profs that punishes the marauders every time she catches them bothering Snape. Snape can see her as a mother figure that even up to the point that Sev actually became a teacher he still goes to her for his problems and she just babies him lol. (Reader was once the youngest teacher to teach in Hogwarts before Snape took that role)

Alright alright gonna do this now!

Platonic Severus snape x fem reader

All my respect

Severus had a rocky relationship with adults from a very young age that’s for sure, his home life and neighborhood left little in his faith for grown ups.

It was a rocky two first years when he couldn’t even trust his head of house let alone another professor, he felt uncomfortable if he had to seek his head of house for help, he preferred to suffer in silence, even if it meant having to sit in aching bruises from his bullies until he learned how to brew a cooling balm.

No one did a thing to genuinely help him, no one, he hated how everyone overlooked him, how They saw him just as a weird kid who others avoid for no reason but that they didn’t understand him.

That continued until his third year, after a brutal beating from Sirius and his wand almost snapping in half, he remembers it very clearly he was sitting in the hall feeling the entire world was against him.

Then you came, young looking and worried, at the time you were only 28 years of age, he knew you were the new hired substitute professor for charms.

He expected to be scolded and sent to his dorm but instead you kneeled down and without even asking a question tended to his injuries self, he flinched when you first touched his face but that didn’t stop you from applying some healing balm and checking his medical chart with your wand.

He was speechless to say the least, no one ever cared this much about him…even his mother…

"Tell me who did this to you and I don’t want any lies little boy" you tried to sound firm but he could tell you were still panicked about his state and what you saw on his medical charm, he was a scrawny malnourished boy "you can tell me, you’re not gonna be in trouble I promise"

Next thing he knows points have been deducted from the lions and he’s all healed up. Although that still didn’t make him trust you that easily.

But it kept happening, you stopped whoever was bothering him, looked out for him when he seemed a little off and much more, you didn’t rest until you got the marauders suspended from hogwarts for a whole semester because of that idiot and deadly prank.

You scolded him still but always with a gentle hand checking if he’s hurt or hiding an injury like he sometimes did.

"One of these days you will kill me with a heart attack!"

"They started it!"

Heck you even helped him get some rare plants for his potion making and recommended him to higher education, even after he messed up and used that awful name, you believed him, you saw the good in him and stood by his side.

He can thank you a million times but he still feels like it isn’t enough, even now at 35 of age, you’re 50 and still working in the same school.

He comes to you for guidance, he has tea with you every other day and you sit there smiling fondly as he complains and rants about his day, just like the little boy you once knew.

"With all my respect to you mother but these kids are insufferable" it takes him a minute to realize what he just said and he blushes crazily but you chuckle.

"Oh please, you’re the son I never birthed"

Severus sighs still blushing slightly from embarrassment "Isn’t it too late for me to call my professor mum?" He used sarcasm to hide his embarrassment.

You sipped your tea and leaned back on your chair "I remember when you were just a little lad, sneaking around to brew your outrageous potions and getting burned then coming back to me with a pout and tear stained eyes demanding I give you my cooling balm"

He smirked crossing his arms "I can make it myself now, I don’t need to be babied anymore"

"Oh? So you don’t your favorite tea cup?" She laughed softly.

Severus frowned dropping his arms, his tea cup, the one you bought specially for him because the design reminded you of a cauldron, it was childish and looked out of place in your neatly organized cabin with all the good China sets.

But he still went for it, he wouldn’t pick that one round tea cup and take it for himself, you would tease him about needing a grown up one but he would defend himself saying he would do just fine with this one.

"Well, good to know some things just don’t change sevy"

"Don’t call me that I’m a grown adult! I’m taller than you!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night sevy" fighting you was useless, he should’ve known better but he always felt light, he breathed out and let a small smile creep on his lips.

#imagine #severus x reader #severus snape headcanon #severus snape fanfiction #pro severus snape #severussnape #severus #severus snape x you #severus snape x reader #severus snape #snapedom #snape #snape fandom #professor snape #harry potter requests

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imagopirateversion · 2 days

Text

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales; Why It Shouldn’t Exist

Or how I invested time and energy into an analysis of a relatively dead franchise instead of doing it for my actual media analysis university course.

An essay by: a bitter and obsessed PotC fan since they were 7, with a lot of free time.

Lads, this is going to be long. You have been warned.

The Beginning

At the very beginning of the movie, we see a young Henry Turner looking for his dad.

Now, we're not talking about characterization problems or how likely it is that a ten-year-old child would risk his life to look for a man he technically only saw once; we're talking about plot problems, actual logical fallacies. My questions are:

How? The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ship, impossible to be found unless She wants to be found. The only reason we see Her in Dead Man's Chest is because Davy Jones himself is looking for Jack to collect his debt, and in that occasion the Dutchman's captain wasn't even doing what he was supposed to do, so he was most definitely in the living world. Will otherwise, he's doing the job Calypso gave him, so he's constantly in between. Is the movie trying to convince me that a kid was able to do something no one in the history of piracy was ever able to do? And even if he did, why hasn't anyone explained me how? He simply looks at a map and throws himself on the bottom of the ocean. How did he know The Dutchman was there? How did he know it would've come to surface?

Where is his mom? We got to know Elizabeth in the first three movies; we know she's a smart woman and we can assume she's an attentive mother. She didn't notice her son preparing himself for a trip in the middle of the ocean to go look for his dad? Was she distracted? Was she outsmarted by a 10ish-year-old? Or is she just not contemplated in this scenario?

Why does Will look like that? Will is doing his job, so... why does he look like he's slowly corrupting? That kind of corruption is the punishment Calypso reserves to The Dutchman's crew when the captain fails her, which isn't the case. Did they forget about it? Was the idea of putting algae on Orlando Bloom's face just impossible to resist to?

Alright, this isn't actually from this movie but it's bothering me, so I have to write it; also, it would make this whole movie unnecessary, so it's somehow related to it. Why (and I can't stress this enough) can't Elizabeth be on the Dutchman? Why can't they do the job together? Is it because she's not a pirate? I'm pretty sure se actually is. Is it because she's a woman? Last time I checked she was the KING. She wants to stay with Will forever, Will wants to stay with her forever, they can literally live forever on the same ship. Why aren't they?

Whatever the Hell Happened to Jack Sparrow

Imagine creating a character that is so iconic whenever you ask a person who was a kid in the early 2000 to imagine a pirate, they imagine said character.

Now imagine fourteen years pass and you decide to ruin that character by making him the most hideous, annoying, idiotic person in the whole saga, and we're talking about a saga that has Philip the Missionary in it. Why? Jack Sparrow is THE anti-hero. Never on the right side, but never on the wrong one. You can tell he's doing something morally questionable, but you still find yourself rooting for him. He's stupid enough to make you laugh, but he's secretly clever enough to always get away with it. Now he's just... drunk. And that's not even an excuse for this horrendous new characterization, because he was always drunk. The guy FORGOT HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the same guy just one movie earlier was able to escape from the King of England's palace and steal a lady's earring (by pretending to be a literal slut) in the process. He just switched from the iconic drunk bi bestie everyone loves to my cringe uncle that drinks too much at Christmas parties and makes everyone uncomfortable. Please, if the risk is ruining an entire generation's beloved character, either don't make the movie or find a better explanation than "Bad luck dogs you day and night".

The Pearl in The Bottle

So... what you're telling me is that Jack Sparrow, the guy who was able to defeat Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones and Blackbeard thanks to his slyness, and who loves his Black Pearl more than anything else in the world, had said ship in a bottle in his pockets for FIVE YEARS... and he never thought about breaking the bottle to free Her. That's what you're telling me. This is the pivotal point upon which the entire Jack's plot hinges. I... I don't even know what to say. Was this supposed to be funny?

What an Incredibly Lucky Coincidence

A guy needs a treasure to save his father. To find it, he needs the help of a notorious and legendary pirate. He looks for him everywhere, sailing on dozens of ships just so he has the remote chance to stumble across the pirate. The last ship he's been on has sinked, he's the only survivor. He's been found in the middle of the ocean and someone brought him to the nearest city. Which city? I mean, the one that has both the pirate he was looking for and a lady who's the only person in the whole planet who's able to find the treasure he was looking for! And, oh my... he finds the both of them! In that same city! Without even LOOKING FOR THEM! A hell of a coincidence, if you ask me. Also known as lazy writing.

What's Wrong With the Guards?

Now, I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its accurate historical reconstructions, but why are the guards in this movie acting like they're some sort of hellhounds ready to kill anyone in sight? Even pirates and traitors as Jack and Henry were supposed to stand trial before being sentenced to death. It would've probably been an unjust and barbaric trial, but there should've been one. We literally saw it, in the previous movie. Why's Jack been sentenced to death for simply existing here? He gave pirate vibes and they decided that was enough?

Paul McCartney

This is not an actual point of the analysis, I just wanted to remind people that Paul McCartney is in this movie and that's the only valid reason to watch it.

Salazar

I am confused. Once again, I have questions.

El Matador Del Mar was so good at his job he had almost defeated piracy. "The last ones joined together to try and defeat me". The last what? Pirates? There were no pirates left? This happened when Jack was young, so a lot of time before the first movie, right? Where were, I don't know... Blackbeard? Davy Jones? Barbossa? All the other Pirate Lords? I might be wrong, but I guess Salazar didn't kill them, did he? Why weren't they there during that "last battle" in which "the last ones joined together"?

The Devil's Triangle. I just don't understand what's the logic behind it. So, this is a cursed place. Whoever enters there, can't get out. One would think it means that if you get there, you die; and Salazar does die, but he somehow also becomes a ghost whose only purpose is to find Jack Sparrow and have his revenge. So, do people become ghosts when they get in The Devil's Triangle? We have to assume people have gotten stuck in there before; otherwise, there wouldn't be legends around the place. So why isn't it like full of spirits ready to haunt people? Why are Salazar and his crew the only ones?

Poseidon or Calypso?

What's the Trident of Poseidon? Does Poseidon exist? Isn't Calypso the Goddess of the sea? Breaking the Trident, you break all the curses of the sea, so the Trident must be more powerful than Calypso, which leads to a question. Where is she? She IS the sea, right? So she must have known someone was about to find the Trident and brake all curses, including her one. She just decided it was okay? It really feels like someone decided to suddenly change the world's mythology without giving explanations.

The Compass

This is possibly the most blatant plot hole in the whole saga. Probably the most blatant plot hole I've ever witnessed, and man, I watched all the Harry Potter movies. In Dead Man's Chest, Jack meets Tia Dalma in her "shop" and he tells her he's looking for the Davy Jones' key. She asks him "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", making another pivotal point of Dead Men Tell No Tales factually senseless.

That man couldn't have given his compass to Jack, because that wasn't his compass.

So either Salazar is lying while telling his tale or they forgot about that line in the second movie. Anyway, let's pretend that line doesn't exist; even if that captain gave Jack his compass in that exact moment, why would it be the key to free Salazar, exactly? How is the compass in any way related to The Devil's Triangle or to Salazar? In the movie, they try to explain it with a sentence: “if you betray it, your greatest fear comes true”. So, is Salazar Jack's greatest fear? I really doesn't seem right, Jack almost didn't remember Salazar when Henry mentioned him. To Jack, he's only a guy he outsmarted decades earlier. Also, Jack technically already gave the compass away, twice: to Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest, to make her find the chest, and to Beckett in At World's End, when they're negotiating.

That's... That's Just Body Shaming, Mate

Let's talk about her. So, the woman's ugly. It can happen that a woman is ugly. Was it necessary to build an entire scene around some blatant body shaming? This scene wants to mimic the similar scene in Dead Man's Chest: Jack's on an island, running from the main villain, and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do until someone saves him, then it was Will, now it's Hector.

Except in Dead Man's Chest it was LITERAL CANNIBALISM he was facing, and yet he looked LESS TERRIFIED and DISGUSTED. What's exactly the message here? Lads, is marrying an ugly woman worse than cannibalism? I don't know... that was just bad.

Justice for Hector Barbossa

If you know me (you probably don't, but if you do) then you know about my obsession with Hector Barbossa. I truly believe he's the best written character in the saga, and he's in my top five of the characters I love the most in all media. I watched The Curse of the Black Pearl when I was seven and I am autistic, so I had all the time to develop a literal relationship with these characters in my head. As much as Geoffrey Rush's interpretation was impeccable, as always, it really hurt to watch Hector in this movie. He just doesn't sound like him. First of all, why isn't he on the Queen Anne's Revenge? Why's he letting someone else sail around on his ships? He would've never. Why's he just sitting on a throne and shooting musicians instead of, I don't know... being a pirate? Being a pirate is the only thing that matters to him. He says it at the end of On Stranger Tides, and he even says it in this movie, to the witch. "I'm a pirate. Always will be".

So, why isn't he pirating? What happened to him? And what about the pact with the witch? He made her curse all his enemies; that's honestly the most out-of-character thing he could've done.

Seriously, watch this movie, and then The Curse of the Black Pearl and tell me he sounds like he's the same character. Then there’s his death... was it necessary? And I don't mean if it was necessary to the plot (it wasn't), but the way he died, did it make sense? He takes the sword and sacrifices himself to kill Salazar, but WHY? Salazar was back a mortal. They could've brought him to surface and then shoot him. What was the point of his death, Disney? I will never forgive you.

I would've preferred if they never showed him again. He's alive and living his best life in Tortuga, if you ask me.

How does Carina Smyth exist?

Let's do the math. Carina Smyth has approximately the same age as Henry Turner, who was born around nine moths after the end of At World's End. At the end of that movie, Barbossa once again stole the Black Pearl (he's iconic we stan a legend), so we have to assume it is during that time (between the At World's End and On Stranger Tides) that he conceives Carina. He stays with this woman during the whole pregnancy, bacause he says he was there when she died. So nine months, at least, right? Except; Jack makes it clear that he and Barbossa met Carina's mom, Margaret, together.

When, exactly, did this happen? It can't be between On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales, because Hector himself says only five years passed between the two, and Carina doesn't look like a five-year-old;

it can't be between At World's End and On Stranger Tides, because we know Jack and Barbossa weren't together, and Hector was too busy losing a leg and planning his revenge by working for the King of England; it can't be during At World's End, because Barbossa was too busy rescuing Jack and then slaying (literally and metaphorically) Beckett's men to save piracy; it can't be during Dead Man's Chest, because he was dead; it can't be during The Curse of the Black Pearl, nor during the ten years before it, because he was... he was a skeleton, I hardly believe he could reproduce, despite what’s written in some fanficions; it can't be before, of course, because Carina would be too old. The only chance, but it's a stretch, is that Hector and Jack met this Margaret Smyth years and years before, and that at a certain point (while he was still busy slaying, losing a leg or planning his revenge), for some reason he decided to come back to her and accidentally had a daughter. That would mean that Jack remembered Margaret Smyth's name DECADES after he met her.

The Post-Credit Scene: What?

WHY'S DAVY JONES BACK? The Trident technically broke all the curses of the sea. He is THE cursed man of the sea. AND HE'S DEAD. The only answer I was able to give me, is that the moment the Trident broke the curses, the curse that said if you stab his heart he dies was also broken, so he technically didn't die, but it makes even less sense, because if the curses just aren't real anymore, then a man shouldn't be able to... carve out his heart and put it in a chest, right? (Which by the way, makes Will Turner being alive senseless as well). Even if so, Davy should've come back as a human.

My conclusion is that this movie should not exist, and we, as a community, should pretend it was never made. Hector is alive. Bye.

Imago

#potc #pirates of the caribbean #potc analysis #dead men tell no tales #analysis #media analysis #pirates #jack sparrow #hector barbossa #carina smyth #henry turner #elizabeth swann #will turner #calypso #davy jones #salazar

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 7 months

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Aw, no. No, sweetie, no.

Garth. Baby boy. You are so stupid. Incredibly sweet but stupid. I can guarantee you that Roy would be better with an absentee Oliver Queen then he would be with RUDY AND MARY WEST.

Whooooo boy. This isn't- this isn't even, like, a writer just not knowing Wally's lore or whatever, this is MARK FUCKING WAID writing this. Do you comprehend what that means?? DO YOU?!?

That man in that kitchen is two seconds away at all times from going full Ted Bundy. I'm not even fucking joking. It is so insane how much I am not joking.

Wally's father is dangerous. He ran a work camp for children and planned on using land mines on them! He sold his son to a death cult!!! He hired a hitman to kill his wife!!!!!

But he's also really fucking good at playing the part of the 'normal suburban Dad' and that's what Waid is showing REALLY FUCKING WELL HERE. Rudy is playing his part and he's playing it well. Don't think I didn't notice Rudy dropping the coffee pot in front of Wally and fucking smirking when it 'magically' popped back up on the counter. This is a man who knows about his son's powers and is playing along. This man is a problem.

And I'm super excited to see how Waid plans for this story to progress.

#dude literally the fucking chills i got when Rudy dropped the coffee pot and Wally grabbed it at superspeed #i was like NO MY IDIOT SON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?#then Rudy fucking joked about it #like??? WALLY RUN THE KILLER IS IN THE HOUSE! THE PHONE CALL CAME FROM THE KITCHEN!!!!#dc #dc comics #the flash #kid flash #wally west #garth of shayeris #world's finest teen titans #teen titans #titans #aqualad #tempest #rudy west #mary west

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sacchiri · 26 days

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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

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skibasyndrome · 4 months

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new wilmon-ifyable song! ready to be re-imagined and reinterpreted (because tbh wilmon is far from as grim as the thing I think the song is actually about but... we're interpreting here, okay) for those sad, Wille-being-indecisive-and-a-mess-and-hurting-Simon-in-the-process, on-and-off-while-painfully-in-love feelings

I love you more than any man But something's getting in the way I do you harm because I can For the second time today

(from this post)

I ask you for another second chance But then I drink it all away

(still from this post)

And when I get drunk You take me home And keep me save from harm

I was so delicate when we began So tender when I spoke your name

But now I'm nothing but a partisan To my compulsion and my shame

(still from this post)

... yeah no, I'm not okay, actually

#wilmon #young royals #prince wilhelm #Wille you fucking idiot. I love you and you are my son and and I know you haven't had it easy but my god #don't you EVER dare even trying to THINK about hurting Simon in any way ever again or we will be having words #this isn't analysis idk what this is #this is an attempt at visualizing /something/ because I can't do edits #placebo #let me tell you... placebo just always hits. very many great songs in general but also some very wilmon-ifyable ones!#fic material? maybe. although it's more like canon material tbh #don't mind me just got wilmon on the brain to cure myself from the paper

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nostalgic-muffins · 5 months

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do you guys. remember that one lesson where lucifer asks which brother u like. why did he bully me when i answered him like. you asked for this.

#lucifer: which of my sons do you like romantically. i will not judge u btw.#mc: i like mammon #lucifer: seriously? that fucking idiot who doesnt know what 2 plus 2 is? you have no taste and i am judging rn. btw.#obey me lucifer #obey me mc #obey me #lorelaitalks

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lobotomyladylives · 13 days

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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots

#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him #the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship #so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he #would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of #''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us #so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT #and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi #so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history #for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage #and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her #what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us #but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they #raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh #if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us #while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol #theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling #but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine

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cloudcountry · 4 months

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there is no way the ikevamp guys are being such assholes in jean's route i must be dreaming

#auburn talks ikevamp <3 #like idk dont take it from me but first sebastian lies to her about there being vampires #then they lie to her AGAIN saying the mansion is on fire just so they can get her out of her room #jean fucking BIT HER and comte did NOTHING to ensure her safety #MOZART gives her sass and then shoves her so hard into jean's room that she lands on her hands and knees #and then pulls out the “i wont let my friend be so misunderstood.” LIKE HE DIDNT FUCKING BITE HER #let me tell you if i played jean first i would have hated EVERY SINGLE PERSON in this FUCKING MANSION aside from isaac #comte. get me a new residence immediately please. i do not want to live with you and your ASSHOLE SONS #why are they treating the absolute WORST in jean's route is what i want to understand. like you are quite literally pushing her-#-around as you lie to her. she is nothing but a punching bag for you.#AND MAY I REMIND YOU she is a WOMAN in a mansion full of MEN.#and there is not even a SHRED of sympathy for her situation from these fucking idiots.#jean's route is just. ugh. it's not vibing with me. i hate it so far. stop treating this poor girl like she's nothing but garbage-#-under your shoe. have some human compassion you absolute barbarians. im disappointed in all of you.

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yesyourstalker · 2 months

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Neta: ok everything is set up. Just a couple interviews. Warabi!

Warabie: hmmmmmm

Neta: warabie

Warabie: hmmm what?

Neta: I need you to manage for a little until Mahi comes in. I forgot they had orientation today and they had no time to reschedule everyone. (Clap clap) [Signing] Seth, I know you have four clients scheduled today for piercing. Help warabie when you're able to.

Seth: cool

Warabie: hmmm My stomach still hurts from the tattoo and it's still healing.

Neta: *sigh* then sit down or lean across the counter. I don't know what you want me to do. You shouldn't have gotten that if you can't handle the pain yet.

Seth: I told you it wasn't good to do it all in one sitting, I could have scheduled you for another session. But I have to say you did take it like a champ

Neta: I have no time to argue with you I have interviews I have to get to. If someone asks for an interview to send them to the back of the office.........

___________________ interview one_______________

Neta: so what would be your greatest strength?

Naomi [inkling]: uhhhhh...ummm.... I ....I'm regsijtfh

Neta:....I'm sorry can you repeat that.....

Naomi: uh.....I'm.........................hm

Neta: take your time I'm in no rush.......... It says here on your resume that you're an artist you intern at inkpin publishing you worked on several mangas. That's pretty impressive want to tell me about that?

Naomi: uh....uhhhhh..........I'm sorry......[ Leaves]

Neta: oh.... wait! Uh...ok...*sigh* She left her phone. She'll be back maybe she calms down.. we can get somewhere.

_________________Interview two__________________

Neta: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Vinny [betta fish] definitely not in prison again hahaha! Uhh ohh shit ummm.... Being serious in 5 years? Maybe a manager or an assistant manager of this store.

Neta: really? Ok.... You used to work in a kitchen

Vinny: it was more like a cafeteria but yeah I used to prepare the food I actually made the menus for the week. See I used to tell the corrections offic-uhhhh- I mean my head manager what they needed to order for the week so I can get my team to learn the recipes and to make them meals.

Neta: so you like cooking?

Vinny: not necessarily. I kind of got into it because I just wanted to belong and be a part of something and I didn't want to join a gang..so.....uh.....

Neta: uh huh

Vinny: I just really like that kind of busy work environment. It keeps me on my toes and keeps me preoccupied. I really work well in high stake environments and I like being involved with people who also enjoy that environment. I also really like music and I used to be in a punk band back in the day it was called D.I. DIE.... Kind of sounds like DIY like do it yourself-You get it.

Neta: That's interesting... What did you play?

Vinny: drums, I used to play drums. It was really good at it never played in a while. I hope Betty didn't sell my set after I got locked up

Neta: ok ........ All right. Here's the thing this interview was pretty decent..... Once the background check is complete. Expect a phone call.... Next week around Tuesday okay?

Vinny: really?

Neta: yep... We just need to do the background check and you're set

Vinny: ..... Right, my background check...uhhhhh about that

Neta: listen man... I don't judge. What you've done in the past I probably did worse. You came here, you applied for a job you passed the interview. It's very obvious that you want to turn over a new leaf. I'm willing to help you with that... Just expect the phone call and an email and will be....SET AHH

Vinny: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! HAHAHA

Neta: ah ha ok ok you can put me down now....hehe cod you're strong....

Vinny: I also took up weightlifting when I was inside.

_______________ interview three__________________

anemone:...........................

Neta:.................................... So.... What would you consider to be your greatest strengths

anemone:...ehhhh ...... I don't know...... My honesty I'm very honest person

Neta: ok ...... That's good.... Resume seems fine.... You said that you play guitar and you're in a band. Tell me about that

anemone: ugh..... I'm in a band and I play guitar That's it.

Neta:...................*sigh* shit he's one of those.......ok. in a group setting, how well do you work with-

anemone: okay let me just lay it straight to you. I'm available Monday through Thursday. I do not work Fridays. I'm available in the mid shift and closing shifts. I don't do mornings I never have and never will. You have my resume and my phone number you can call me on weekdays around 12 to 5 . After that I'm not picking up see Tuesday. Bye.

Neta:................................ .*sigh*........ We need more closers anyway.

__________________ interview four________________

Neta: what would you consider your biggest achievement

Fugue [puffer fish] My great is achievement? I would say I was one of the few to be picked to play at the scuba dome during the rainbow night symphony orchestra. I was one of the youngest only 15 at the time.

Neta: Yes That's very impressive. I actually read that in the paper you used to Seiche high of the arts. I'm trying to get my daughter into that school next year.

Fugue: yes that was me. Played the tuba It's a wonderful school. I'm sure she'd love it.

Neta: That's very impressive. So why do you want to work here?

Fugue: well I'm trying to save up to go to college I'm trying to get into Brackish University they have a really good music program.

Neta: Brackish!! get out of here! My fiance goes Brackish!

Fugue: oh I'm well aware, ikkan right? That's very impressive, he must have a good reputation. They don't really take back many people once they drop out. If it's too much to ask, what instrument did he play for his audition? I'm assuming it was a bass an upright one right?

Neta: you'd think that but he actually did play the bassoon. He's actually the only one in his marching band in high school to play the bassoon

Fugue: He must have been very skilled. You don't see that many bassoons in band.

Neta: yeah.. he's very talented and hard-working. Most of it was self-taught you know outside of school and everything

Fugue: yeah.... Are you self- taught?

Neta: yeah.. I taught myself... I used to watch music videos and I used to copy their- oh Man we're out of time. I'm sorry we trailed off. I didn't even get to finish the interview

Fugue: oh I'm sorry so do I reschedule or

Neta: nah... you have the job kid. You seem like a really good kid and you have a lot of head of you. I'll send you an email and call you Tuesday okay?

Fugue: thank you sir.

Neta: aw what fine young man. We need more kids like that in this world.

_______________________________________________

Neta: it seems to be everyone... I still need to do the baristas but I have to wait for AHhhhhhh.....uhhh Stefan, you're here..... Great.... You could have said something

Stefan [betta]: sorry.... I didn't mean to startle you.....so...... Let's talk I'm thrilled to be a part of this store expansion

Neta: right.... First, how are you doing? How's business?

Stefan: business is great. I finally have my coffee in Mako March. I never thought I'd seen my brand...................in a discount chain store...............umm

Neta: I mean hey! If it makes you feel better It's the most expensive one in there.

Stefan: well of course it is. It's the best quality coffee out there. It should be the most expensive........ Anyway, did you hire me a barista for the shop

Neta: yes.....well I do have a candidate for that store. They are my last interview. They should be here in........ Maybe 30 minutes ......

Stefan: um...

Neta:..........so............. How's your father?

Stefan: he passed finally

Neta: oh.... I'm sorry to hear that.

Stefan: don't be. Its what we all wanted.

Neta: Was it peaceful?

Stefan: it was. he went in his sleep.... We were all prepared for it to happen so we had everything ready.

Neta: yeah that's how my mom passed. My aunt told me she just closed her eyes, dozed off and just never woke up

Stefan: and that's all we can ask for, no pain no suffering just go, when you're ready, you're ready...... I buried him with his prize possession

Neta: let me guess a coffee machine-

Stefan: A stove top espresso and coffee maker

Neta: of course

Stefan: it was his first ever coffee maker and used to make My mother and I coffee with that every day till the day he died. He cherished it like it was a child, Unlike how he cherished me.

Neta: oh...ok that's uh

Toguni: excuse me. I'm here for the interview for the barista job

Stefan: he's early..... Very Punctual

Neta: Right you must be ehhhhhhhh.......... Toguni!! You're the one I sent the email to!

Stefan: hello you must be my apprentice

Toguni: oh uh...wow your...

Stefan: Stefan the reinventor of coffee. Yes I know. Nice to meet you. sit down please I insist make yourself come through right next to me.

Toguni: Yes sir

Neta: well thank you for showing up today the interview will be short and simple I just want to get to know you and you're just going to answer some questions-

Stefan: Tell me what's your relationship with coffee?

Neta: Stefan

Toguni: un-

Stefan: what is your favorite type of coffee?

Toguni: I love coffee

Stefan: what is your opinion on cold brew

Toguni: hu-

Stefan: if I give you three cups dark roast, medium roast and light roast, how fast could you tell them apart? And if abel can you tell me what brand of coffee I give you?

Toguni: iiiiiii

Neta: Stefan, you're making him nervous

Stefan: what is an Americano?. Huh what is that? That's a genuine question. What is an Americano like what is that? What does that even mean? Neta you know history? What is that?

Neta: the Americano is named after a location during the mammalian period it was the first to be destroyed during world war-

Stefan: I don't need to hear one of your history lectures!!!!

Neta: your the one who asked

Stefan: what is the difference between a cortado and a flat white

Toguni: oh! I can actually answer this-

Stefan: quiet! be quiet, shut your mouth and I've had enough.......................

Toguni: ..........

Stefan:........................ I like you.... You don't sound like you're from here. Where are you from?..... Don't answer that.... I like you. I really do

Tagami: * gasp* really so I'm hired

Stefan: no. Not yet. You need to make me a single cup of coffee. Your choice.

Neta: We have a coffee maker in the break room but it only uses K-Cups

Stefan: no, he's not making that type of coffee. That's what you call coffee is an insult and abomination and you need to be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting that we use that coffee machine!!... *Sigh*.... here's my house address. You shall show up to my house at 7:00 a.m. I have all the materials needed. You make me one cup of coffee and if I like it........ You're hired.

Toguni:.........uh.................yes sir you said 7?

Stefan: Great! Be there at 7:00. I'll see you then. I see a lot of potential in you. Good bye....

Toguni: ......... .. ......

Neta: I'm .....so sorry. He's a fucking weirdo I don't know why I agreed to work with him. Listen you don't have to do any of that if you don't want to... I can

Toguni: I can't believe I'm going to his house. I'm going to Stefan's you make him a cup of coffee. I thought this was just going to be like a crappy part-time job

Neta: hurtful

Toguni: I have to. I have to go home. I have to practice I have to .. Make coffee....bye thank you for the interview!

_______________________________________________

Neta:* inhale* * exhale*.......

anemone: that guy was a fucking weirdo

Neta: ...... yeah he is ....... Why are you still here?

anemone: I just wanted to see all the other freaks I have to work with....... And they're definitely freaks *huff*

Neta: well, you're going to have to tolerate them.... Hey, maybe after a couple days you might actually like some..... Maybe you can let go of this mean facade you have on and actually make friends.

anemone: I have friends

Neta: ehhhh I don't believe you ... Trust me this whole 'thing' that you have going on, that's how I wasted my teenage years. Trust me.

anemone: *humpf*

Neta: *sigh* I still have that Naomi girls phone wonder if she's-

Naomi: I'm back! I'm sorry I panicked....uhhhhh I uh i.........

Neta:...........

anemone: heh...

Naomi [faces away. Eyes closed] .....*sigh* One of my greatest strengths. I like to show up early and on time I don't like being late. I know that I didn't show it today, but I am actually very reliable............ I don't really have a uh......uh...... Life..... outside of work so I am available whenever you need me. Just call me at any time and I will show up.

Neta: what did you choose this job?

Naomi: Truth is that.. My therapist wants me to go outside and interact with people... .... and suggest getting a part-time job...... to further improve my social skills....... I decided on rockshock because I like music. ........ and I like the alternative community and that it caters to.... People in the alternative community, though they look scary. They are actually very welcoming and patient and I feel like that would be a good environment to start my journey in to social interaction

Neta: well I must say you were right on that......... You forgot your cell phone on the table...... I'll call you next week for orientation okay?

Naomi: ok .....*huff* ok. ..... I'll be going. Thank you... he's so nice.

Neta: It's no problem.

anemone: I gave give her a week

Neta: shut up

anemone belongs to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort

And Toguni belongs to @conkreetmonkey

And neta belongs to...oh me he belongs to me nvm

#me scrambling to remember everything I typed out before. I fucking deleted it like an idiot #anyway what do you think of my new children #I had way too much fun writing Stefan #My favorite character dynamic is eccentric teacher and their nervous/ normal student. that shit is like crack to me #Naomi best girl! doing her best in this crazy world #I was actually watching princess Jellyfish when I came up with her if he can tell #fuck #I should have made her a jelly #nah #anyway Vinny is my son He has done nothing wrong in his entire life except for that one time but that's in the past #fugue idk I like he's not that interesting compared to the others but he has my heart anyway #anemone isn't fooling anyone well he's not fooling neta at least #i really hope I wrote you guys oc correctly #i feel like I'm forgetting a character and I don't know why #maybe I'm just used to writing with the other characters or something

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fooltofancy · 7 months

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thinking abt that guard dog post and how long it would have taken the scions to recognize that they're taking advantage of a deeply ingrained trauma response

#i was gonna make this post two hours ago but then i got distracted and then i got distracted from the thing that was distracting me #i don't think y'shtola ever feels especially guilty for it btw #she and ilya are Not alike EXCEPT in pragmatism. and then it's a 1:1 comparison lmao #ilya sees himself as a tool for so long because he is deeply pragmatic #and if y'shtola is anything it's willing to use the tools at hand.#on the other end of the spectrum alisaie comes in swinging #'have u considered enabling him in this frankly unhealthy behavior is gonna get him killed'#scions: *crickets*#it has to be after shb that anyone BUT alisaie actually like. acknowledges the issue right #u know minfilia saw it u KNOW. she sees it from go #but then she dies lmao #i'm just. real fucked up about the scions again. and my stupid idiot son (heart too big never learned how to use it)#when these folk keep dying to keep you alive for some cosmic fucking purpose completely beyond you what else are you supposed to do?#bark a lot. i guess. and then die.#alisaie: anyway i'm taking him for walkies while u all think about what you've done #baby mode blogging #need a baby mode lore tag

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harmcityherald · 11 days

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The turtles got their new food and they seem to be liking it well. They had been using the sandbox all night in and out so it looks like I will be building a much bigger sand unit onto their enclosure. My other tank got a very expensive cleaning last night for peppermint and foremost. I also was able to get them an air stone. I also bought anything to vacuum out their tank and so last night they got quite the cleaning which will be finished this morning. I was also able to get half of my cutting done in my garden yesterday so my garden is finally taking off as well. Hopefully today I can put it in a little more work and bring my garden a little bit closer to being started. Artemisia is very watchful that I don't overwork myself because sometimes I have a tendency to where my garden is concerned. So the coffee is made and I'm sitting outside and enjoying it right now other than the fact that all my dinosaur buddies are sitting here in a circle looking at me in the trees bullying me to give them more food but we of course has suspended operations because of the bird flu. Sorry little guys but I think I know better than you I can read the medical journals you can't. So until I feel like it's safe again you guys are on your own I hate to say that. I guess I will offset that by giving my inside buddies a little more attention than they've been getting. The little tank is looking a lot better. Foremost loves the air stone much more than peppermint does. I think our reading let us to the correct decision that the snail needs an AirStone and that is exactly what she got. I also scraped off the six masses of eggs that she laid around the top of the tank, luckily I don't have a female to fertilize them all or I would have a million snails like I'm afraid I'm going to have a million Turtles before it's all over with. I won't be able to release them in the wild if it actually happened but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I love my critters and my critters love me.

I would add more tags but they only allow me a certain number so I should end it there. Or else I'll talk myself right into a bad mood. And that's not fair to my little buddies is it?

Mark my word, we are all going to live to see the day to read about that man doing something incredibly stupid. I'm not going to try to lay any future or philosophical View on what that could be. Trust me, he's a pedophile with an arsenal of ghost guns. And it's a situation that I'm too old to try to help and solve. My other two grandchildren the one being autistic and the other being transgender make me want to reach out and help them and yet the transgender child is under extreme brainwashing by him. One time he even told her that he would fuck the lesbianism right out of her, and for me that's not something that should ever come out of a father's lips to a daughter ever no matter what the situation is at all. And yet that same transgender child, under his pristine Direction, hates my very guts. The only one in the family who would actually call you by your real name and would refuse to use your dead name and yet I guess the fact is that Alan loves his father and any concessions that meat had makes for her must make her feel at least somewhat accepted. But because of the Meathead Saga I do not get to see those two sets of grandchildren anymore. Because I'm a deep state leftist, if you can actually believe that's a reason to hold your children back from someone. That's very sad to me I have seven grandchildren all together. It is only two that I get to react and deal with everyday living here with me and I'm so thankful of that. Many people would say it's a financial burden I should not subject to myself to. But I've always been a firm believer that you never throw kids to the wind ever. Especially not in this fucked up world the way it is now. If you throw your kids to the Wolves you're no better than a Spartan throw in your baby off the edge of a cliff. And that's not how I was ever taught that parenting was done. I have never raised a hand to a child ever not in my whole life. I've always gotten so much more from children when you talk to them and treat them like people the people that they no doubt are.

Anyway, Meatheads brand of ineffectual terrorism doesn't really scare me in any way. I have no idea why I'm really on this this morning. Perhaps the youngers are arguing last night reminded me of the tension in the house when Meathead was here pretty much destroying everything in his path. We're trying to destroy everything in his path which included me. I had six police officers and four doctors all together bum rushed me in the room to convince me that I needed to press charges. I told him if I pressed charge does that means I won't be able to get them out of my house and the only thing I want is for them to be out of my house like tomorrow so I didn't press charges against him, which I'm sure he walks around in his own little tiny house Castle now Vindicated somehow that the cops wouldn't touch him when really it was me that kept that from happening. Trust me if it had been any other situation I would have made sure he got every little bit of punishment he deserved for it but it was more important for me to clear this place out and have a nice calm place for my Artemisia and our wonderful youngers

#my turtle chronicles #my critters #turtles #fish #a snail #two kitty cats #and all my plants Aquatic and otherwise #gardening #spring has sprung in rannyland #Cthulhu is coming up I will show a picture of him later he is my Herald of spring and he is coming up and that makes the third year in a ro #Happy Coffee to all my little listeners and all My Little Critters are determined that it's going to be a good day #better just make sure you make artemisius coffee the right way #the youngers had a fight last night and it looks like one of them didn't come home so I'm a little worried about that #but I didn't like the way I heard my granddaughter being talked to and although she's upset today maybe it's for the better #he giving her a hard time for going out with her cousin while every time he goes out with his friends he ends up with a goddamn charge.#but I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a pop pop I'm there for her for whatever she needs #I love my grandkids more than life itself #them and my Artemisia make me so thankful to have been allowed to be part of their family and so grateful to get to be the grandfather #I think more parents should feel that way instead of feeling burdened or some idiots who like to run their house like a army base #we all remember the Meathead Saga don't we?#he is on the bus idiots who has to sit at the top of the dinner table everyday and make his children sit in front of him #like some idiot from a Twisted Sister video #there was no wonder he and I did not get along #not to mention he was trying to squat and steal my house and then he tried to take my life #somebody that's one family member I'm not to enamored of having #and I've also made it very very very clear that he is no longer welcome here and that I will have no more talks of that anything with him #I think that every family has at least one person in it who is under the completely wrong assumption that they are a master manipulator #everybody's got the narcissist #maybe yours is a parent mine was a middle-aged asshole who thought he was a parent and is still failing miserably at that fact #you know he actually convinced the state to pay him to stay at home to care for his autistic son which sounds really good on the outside

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