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hawkinsindiana · 3 years

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this changes things

ALMOST PARADISE: PART THREE - CHAPTER FOUR OF ELEVEN (!!)

pairing: steve harrington x henderson!reader

word count: 2.3k

a/n: we’re back to eleven chapters baby!!!! this one ended up being longer than i thought. i know i usually post on friday nights, but i couldn’t help but give you all a lil valentine’s day treat. pls enjoy!!!!

masterlist

Steve’s nervous.

It’s down to the wire; there's only a few short weeks left of his final high school semester. Four out of five college applications have been rejected. Each one received has fed the anxiety more and more.

Every day that passes without a lick of news from the remaining university has him reconsidering everything. His education. His career. His future.

The only thing Steve knows about his future is that he wants you in it, in whichever form that might be. You’re the constant. Without you, he’s afraid he’d eventually go back to being that person he was before. You make him want to be better. Trying to be worthy of you gives Steve purpose.

He imagined that getting a college education would help keep him on that path. It seems farther away with each rejection letter he receives.

Steve hasn’t told you that he hasn’t gotten into any so far. He’s afraid of disappointing you, especially after everything you’ve done for him.

The spring of ‘85 has been particularly unforgiving. It’s been storming all week - the air still hangs with that familiar smell of rain soaked concrete. You read that the Hawkins Post reported a record amount of rainfall; the local stream overflowed and flooded a few basements.

The mail is still damp when Steve retrieves it after practice. It sticks to his fingers as he shuffles through each envelope, drying his sneakers on the welcome mat.

And then his eyes linger on one addressed to him; Steve nearly drops his backpack when he sees who sent it.

Haphazardly, he tosses the rest of the mail onto the kitchen counter as he contemplates whether to even open the damn thing. Steve’s pretty sure he knows the answer. Is it an answer he wants?

Whatever the words inside this parcel read, it changes Steve’s life forever. His future is planned from the moment he breaks the seal - there would be no going back. Either he stays here in Hawkins, trapped by an education he neglected for far too long, or he gets to take a step to distance himself from this shitty town and prove his worth.

Steve isn’t a fan of the former option.

He wishes you were here to read it for him. He’d rather you tell him the news; hearing it come from your lips would make it easier.

By the time Steve decides to open it, a few minutes have passed. Why does this feel like the scariest thing he’s ever done?

Due to the water, some of the ink bled through the paper; pieces of the letter are illegible. But at the top, a familiar phrase answers his question: Unfortunately, we regret to inform you-

Steve curses, angrily throwing the envelope and its contents into the trash. He refuses to read anymore.

He has no one to blame but himself. Maybe that’s why he’s so angry. There were multiple opportunities for him to change course and put effort into his schoolwork. By the time he finally tried, it was too late.

Thunder booms in the distance once Steve parks his car beside your mother’s. He doesn’t remember deciding to come here; the only thing he can recall is grabbing the keys, without a destination in mind. His heart brought him to your warmth.

As Steve gets out of the car, he wonders if this was maybe a bad idea. It isn’t very often that he feels afraid to face you - he’s scared of your reaction, and the outcome that could follow.

He knew that he could love you, that he could fall just as hard as you did for him. But admitting it to himself, and then you - he doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it again. That phrase has left a sour taste in his mouth, one that Steve hopes he can wash away. Because you deserve to hear it too.

Maybe he’s closer to saying it than he thought, perhaps that’s why he’s so scared to tell you. Maybe-

“What the hell are you doin’ here?” Dustin’s voice startles Steve, who turns to see the boy walking his bike up the driveway. Steve fumbles his response, head spinning with thoughts about you, “I don’t, uh-”

Dustin interrupts him, not noticing the nerves Steve displays, “Hey, you should come in! It’s mac ‘n cheese night.”

Steve hangs his head in defeat, knowing that he’s going to follow your brother inside. He can’t say no to this kid.

Dustin hangs up his raincoat once the pair of them enter the house; the bell on Tews’ collar jingles as they run to greet the boys. The kitten weaves between Steve’s legs before he kneels down to give them a few pets.

“That you, Dusty?” Your mother calls from within; clattering silverware echoes from the kitchen. Steve chuckles at the nickname. Dustin punches him in the bicep.

He kicks off his shoes as he replies, “Hey Mom! Get out another bowl - look who I found loitering around.”

Steve scoffs, shoving Dustin as they walk forward through the threshold into the living room. Your mom moves to welcome them; her warm smile widens when she sees Steve by her son’s side, “Well look who it is! Steve, sweetheart, how are you?”

He’s baffled by her every time he shares a meal with your family. Her kind soul is infectious, and drastically different from the parents he was raised by. Steve tries not to think about the fact her beloved pet is secretly buried out back - he’s reminded of it whenever he sees her.

“I’m good, Mrs. Henderson. How are you?” Steve answers, returning her grin. She envelops him in a quick hug, “How many times am I going to have to tell you? Just call me Claudia, hon.”

Steve laughs along with her as he follows her to the kitchen, “I think you’ll need to remind me one more time.”

And then his eyes meet yours from across the room. They smile nearly as much as your lips at the sight of him; your heart flutters at this unexpected surprise.

When you catch onto the sadness in his expression, the corners of your mouth drop. It’s obvious to you that something’s wrong. Steve doesn’t usually stop by without an invitation; something must’ve happened.

Throughout dinner, you take mental notes on his deflated behavior. It’s subtle enough to fool your family, but you know him better. With each minute that passes, the more anxious you become to hear the cause. So when he volunteers to help you with the dishes, as he always does, you know it’s only a matter of time.

“How was practice?” You ask before drying off a cup. Steve takes it from your hand as he replies, “Uh, it was good. Although it’s annoying that we’re still practicing even though the season’s over.”

You hum in agreement as he places the glass on the shelf. Steve glances back at you briefly, “What about you? What’d you get up to?”

A beat passes - you’re looking for the words to describe your afternoon. Maybe not the words, but the courage. It’s only when he turns around, brow creased, do you answer him.

“I studied at Nancy’s,” You say. Steve’s eyes widen in surprise, “Oh yeah? How’d that go?”

You nod your head, focusing your gaze onto the floor, “It was nice, actually. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be.”

“Now when you say studying…” He trails off for a moment as he thinks, “You two didn’t… exchange notes about me or anything, did you?”

Steve’s growing smirk makes you laugh; you hit him playfully with the towel, “No! And I haven’t told her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

A part of him can’t help but be relieved. There’s no limit to what you two could chat about.

“We just ended up talking about college most of the time,” You add, “She wanted to know some tips since she’ll be applying soon.”

Steve grabs a plate to dry; in order to try and quell his anxiety, he has to do something productive. But your mind recognizes it as a distraction - you’re no stranger to coping mechanisms.

“Have you figured out where you’re gonna go yet?” He questions, praying your answer isn’t far; lightning flashes outside the kitchen window, followed closely by the low rumble of thunder.

You sigh as you lean back against the counter, “I’m not sure. Nancy was helping me talk through my options earlier, but it’s such a big decision to make. I wanna make sure it’s the right fit.”

Steve nods slightly, forehead creasing as he wipes his hands on the towel. And by the way he clenches his jaw at your reply, you know that this is the source of contention.

You nudge his leg with your foot, “What about you? Get any responses back?”

The breath hitches in Steve’s throat; there’s no way this conversation doesn’t end with his reveal. The longer it takes for him to speak, the more concerned you grow.

“I, uh-“ A sigh passes his lips as he grips the counter, keeping his focus away from you. He doesn’t want to witness your reaction.

“I didn’t get in,” Steve mutters. He exhales, shaking his head in disbelief; until now, it almost didn’t seem real. It took admitting it to you for his brain to accept it.

You shift on your feet, unsure of what to say. Over the past few weeks, you and Steve had been discussing how your relationship would persist once you both had made your college commitments. This wasn’t an outcome either of you prepared for.

“Holy shit, Steve. I’m sorry…” You whisper. Steve pushes his face into his hands; his voice is muffled from behind his palms, “Yeah, yeah… holy shit.”

You don’t hesitate any more to comfort him. Steve straightens as you place your hands on his arms; he melts into your touch, unable to prevent you from turning his body to face yours.

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” You reassure him, “College isn’t the only option, you know. There are other things you could do.”

The expression on Steve’s face breaks your heart. You’d do anything to wipe it away and brighten his mood. But Steve just sighs again, appreciating your efforts to help him, but nothing seems to be working.

“How’d your parents react?” You ask. The only thing keeping Steve grounded to this moment is the firm grip you have on his shoulders; he thinks he’d float away without it.

He scoffs a bit; the sound breaks the deafening silence that formed as he thought of a response. His eyes are still focused downwards as he finally answers you, “They don’t know yet. I just got the last letter today. I couldn’t think of going anywhere else.”

When your fingers brush against his cheek, Steve instinctively moves his hands to rest on your waist, “I’m sorry, I just-”

Steve finally lifts his head. Your eyes are wide, pupils filled to the brim with nothing but your fondness for him. All of a sudden, he’s confused why he was so scared to tell you. He realizes that he never should’ve doubted you.

“I was scared this would change things. Or that you’d be disappointed in me or some shit.”

Your brow furrows as you laugh softly - baffled by his words, “What could ever make you think that I’d be disappointed in you?”

A flash of previous memories answers your own question. You decide not to pull on that thread anymore.

“This changes things,” You mutter. Your eyeline drops as you pause, choosing your words carefully before continuing, “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Finally, Steve feels a bit of relief. The sincerity in your voice calms the fear, and a deep exhale allows him to let it go. Your compassion and understanding permits him to begin thinking clearly again. He knew there was a reason he came here.

You’re right though. This does change how you both navigate the future. But with you here to support him, Steve figures he’ll be just fine.

“I mean…” The corner of your mouth curls up at the thought that pops into your head, “The only way my opinion of you changes is if you killed my brother or something like that.”

Steve chuckles slightly, “But Mike’s still fair game?”

“Oh yeah, go ahead,” You quip, “He’s had it comin’ for a while.”

Even though your voices are hushed, the joke still makes you crack a pair of brilliant smiles; it almost makes Steve forget about his future for a moment. Standing here in your arms, Steve can’t help but realize how safe he feels.

And then you sigh, reaching up to brush back a lock of his brunette hair - the sensation of your touch fills Steve with something new, something different. A direct contrast to the violent storm brewing outside, this is soft, warm, and golden. Like daylight.

Your eyes meet again. Honestly, he’s not sure he ever wants to look at anything else.

Your hand lands on his chest, “This doesn’t make me love you any less.”

Steve throws caution to the wind - he kisses you. And already, you can tell that this is one you’ll remember. His lips are soft against yours, but without sacrificing an ounce of passion. You almost forget that someone could walk in and expose your relationship; when Steve finally pulls away, it doesn’t matter anyways.

As if you weren’t left breathless enough from his kiss, the words he mutters afterwards could’ve done it themselves.

With one of his trademark smirks plastered across his face, Steve moves to hold your head between his palms, “Fuck, I love you.”

You kiss him again so quickly that you both didn’t have enough time to wipe the twinkling grins from your lips. Your noses are squished against each other, but neither of you cares enough. Your shared love dulls the pain.

Steve smiles into the kiss even further. This is what it’s supposed to feel like.

— taglist: @djjarin / @hannarudick / @crazycookiecrumbles / @hellisateenageheather / @alewifex / @l0ve-0f-my-life / @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 / @daddystevee / @thecaptainsgingersnap / @let-the-imaginationflow / @asianravenpuff / @im-a-stranger-thing / @mikariell95 / @pilunb / @harringtherin / @royalestrellas / @ultrunning / @buggs177 / @poutfull / @yoheyyosup / @duchessdaisybat / @janieavalos / @sassisaluxury / @beththebubbly / @i-bitch-you-bitch / @captainstilinskis / @juliebean247 / @im-nada / @whatabeautifulsurrender / @rexorangecouny / @pass-me-jeez-it / @ahoy-scoops-troop / @halefirewarrior / @jointhehunt67 / @peanutem / @ketchuplukehemmo / @m-a-r-i-n-t-p / @fangirl485 / @emmegirl827 / @lookalivesunshine-x / @elite4cekalyma / @marjoherbo / @just-my-fandom / @idumpyourgrass / @alafolieee / @mochminnie / @phantomalchemist / @dustyblueboo / @alonewolfsblog / @ggclarissa / @hufflepuffing-all-day-long / @bippityboppitybabe / @readinthegarden12 / @bakugouishusbando / @stxtch72 / @random-girl-army / @wisdaemon / @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

if you want be added to the taglist, just lemme know!

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington imagine #st fic #st imagine #steve harrington x you #my writing #almost paradise

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singharit · 2 years

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A Not-So-Quick and Dirty Rundown on Queer Thai TV

Have you ever thought to yourself, "wow, I love how queer-romance oriented fanfiction is. I wish there was something that level of ridiculous but profesionally made so I don't have to survive on the crumbs of Western shows."

Yes?

Boy, have I got an industry for you.

Over the past few years Thai TV, and Thai queer TV in particular, has somewhat exploded in popularity not unlike Korea’s Hallyu wave of yesteryear. It’s new on the scene, it’s got its own little quirks that set it apart from Korean or Japanese TV, and to many people it seems a bit more exotic. It's really not that dense of an industry to break into, but I am nothing if not pedantic about literally everything ever, hence this post.

Contents

An Industry Overview

Language & Cultural Notes

What To Watch

Links & Resources

◇ ◆ ◇

An Industry Overview.

Production companies in Thailand are not dissimilar to K-Pop record labels, or perhaps a comparison to '30s Hollywood might be more apt. Actors sign to a company as young adults -- the primary big hitter being GMMTV -- and that company produces dramas almost exclusively featuring actors from its on-call stable.

Now, a few years ago some higher ups at GMMTV realised that shows with queer characters were getting way, way, more views than their solely straight ones. Solution? Make more, except focus on solely on the queer characters this time. Thus an industry was born.

These shows are referred to internationally as either BL or GL, boys’ love and girls’ love, and within Thailand as Y-stories. I fucking hate the terms BL and GL so will not be using them, but that seems to be the “””official””” way to refer to both the industry and fandom.

They also tend to be a few things:

Very male heavy. Things have started changing lately, with more female characters in general being written, but you can still expect many women to be either the protagonist’s sister, mother, ex-girlfriend, or first love.

About light-skinned, Thai-Chinese origin, middle-class characters from Bangkok. This is also slowly changing with some shows set in e.g. Chiang Mai or Phuket, but those are the exception rather than the rule.

Character-driven and focused almost entirely on romance. Any other type of plot that happens is a side effect, not an intentional stop on the road to getting these guys to kiss.

Based around more than one couple, and not just in a side-plot kind of way. There’ll be at least two, more commonly three, pairs that share screentime with something like a 70/30 or 50/30/20 split.

Single season shows, where a season can be anywhere from eight to fourteen 40-minute episodes. Second seasons do exist but are rare.

Full of fanservice. Cutie Pie recently had thirteen minute make-out scene, and guys will frequently be shirtless for no reason other than to show off their pecs. You get used to it after a while.

Common tropes & things you’ll see a lot of:

Engineers! Why is Thailand so obsessed with engineering students? I have no idea! But you’ll see at least one in 90% of dramas, so you’d better get used to them.

What Westerners might consider to be strange ethics, e.g. booze blurred out and scenes with guns having big “don’t try this at home” warnings emblazoned on top, but sexual assault explicitly shown.

Painfully obvious product placement. It’s a necessary evil for these shows to get that sponsorship $$$.

A baffling insistence on refusing to hire sound engineers, which is made all the more egregious by the equal insistence on featuring live singing.

Coming-of-age stories.

Cringe. Cringe. Cringe. The secondhand embarrassment is soooo real sometimes.

Friend squads to die for.

Happy endings!

Now, one thing I can’t gloss over is gay-for-pay. It’s a thing. It’s no use pretending that it doesn’t exist, especially when it’s so prevelant. When these types of shows starting becoming popular, a few actors realised that by giving another guy one single, painful to watch, peck on the lips, they could build up a legion of fans ready to scream, “he can’t be homophobic, he was in a gay show!”, and that they could make bank while doing so. I’m not going to name names here, except I absolutely am. Krist Perawat, God Itthiphat, and Mean Phiravich are shitty people and should be ashamed. But bottom line, unless an actor is proven to actually be an ally or queer themselves, don’t trust them.

Related to the above: RPS and actor pair-ups. When casting actors, production companies tend to focus on casting a set couple with both marketability and potential long-term chemistry. The idea behind this is that pair two actors up for a significant amount of time and it’ll allow them to be more comfortable together, thus allowing better chemistry and more complex storylines. Gun Atthaphan & Off Jumpol, for example, in their first appearance together had a very chaste questioning-your-sexuality storyline, whereas their most recent work, after a partnership of six years, featured them as gang members explicitly shown to be sleeping together. These actors build up a rapport, develop a certain dynamic that suits them, and fans watch a new show for them rather than the plot. For some, like OffGun, this works great! They’ve been together a long time, are good friends as a result of that, and they’re now old enough to know to set boundaries with fans. For others, for a variety of reasons, this system crashes and burns. When I talk about the shows themselves a bit further down, this is why I’ll be noting the actors. Watch a few shows and you’ll notice that actors are important to understanding the dynamics you’ll be getting.

But! Despite how dire this industry can seem from what I’ve been talking about above, there are many queer actors and creatives supporting each other and using these shows as a vehicle to express themselves, producing content that wouldn’t otherwise be welcomed on TV. In the last two or three years alone, the environment has become much more open and welcoming, and it’s been a really beautiful thing watch the industry and all of the people involved flourish.

Kings Tul Pakorn & Max Nattapol

◇ ◆ ◇

Language & culture notes:

Thai romanisation is not standardised. At all. There’s multiple systems in use and depending on the system, and the translator, you could have three or four ways of romanising one name, e.g. Mes, Met, Med, or Mate. Another particular recurring point of confusion I see often is Kan vs Gun.

Thai full names are long and too unwieldy for everyday life. Every Thai person goes by a nickname instead of their given name, which can be basically any word in existence. Surnames are only used for formal occasions and official documents and such. Also, every family’s surname is unique, so you can immediately tell when people are related.

Name order is Nickname Forename Surname, while actors are referred to as Nickname Forename. E.g. for Max Nattapol, Max is the nickname while Nattapol is the forename. His surname, which I just had to google, is Diloknawarit.

The exception to this is actors who are mixed race and those who’ve spent time abroad, e.g. Jeff Satur and Perth Nakhun, whose legal names are Worakamon Satur and Stewart Nakhuntanagarn Screaigh, respectively.

It’s not uncommon for Thais to change their legal names, mainly either for auspicious reasons or to emphasise a new phase in their life. This is why you have people like Fiat Pattadon suddenly becoming Fiat Patchata

Thailand uses both the Gregorian and Buddhist calendars. They both use the same days and months but the Buddhist year reckoning is 543 years ahead, making this year, 2022, 2565.

Any shows set outside of Bangkok will usually have Thai subtitles since the Northern & Southern varieties of Thai are full dialects, not just accents. You can’t get rid of the subs so just ignore them.

Honorifics & vocab:

P’ - precedes the first name of your elder. E.g., P’Sean, P’Kit. Pronounced literally as the letter ‘p’. Sometimes used as a term of address on its own, in which case it tends to be romanised as phi. Gender neutral.

Nong - precedes the first name of your junior. E.g. Nong’Yo, Nong’Ram. Sometimes shortened to just ‘N’’. Also used as a term of address on its own. Not strictly required to be respectful, so comes across more as affectionate. Also gender neutral.

Ai’ - precedes the first name of a man. Quite rude, so using it implies either disrespect or, with a friend, real closeness in the same way that an English speaker might call a friend “bitch” or “dickhead”. The female equivalent is Ee’.

Hia - precedes the first name of an older close male friend or relative. Used within Thai-Chinese families, or towards a person of Thai-Chinese descent, meaning literally “older brother”. Implies much more closeness than phi. The female equivalent is Je.

(Can also mean “fuck” when said in a different tone, just to be confusing.)

Nu - diminutive literally meaning mouse, used mainly by parents and for very young children.

Khun - Mr/Mrs/Miss. A general use polite term, can be used either on its own, preceeding a first name, or preceeding a title. When preceeding a title tends to make words more formal. E.g. por = dad, khun por = father. Gender neutral.

Khun Nu - Mr mouse? Nope! Young master. E.g. Tankhun in Kinnporsche is a Khun Nu, and Kuea in Cutie Pie is Nu Kuea.

Faen - gender neutral term for significant other. Often times when you see the term boyfriend or girlfriend used it’s actually this instead, so worth remembering. Incredibly useful for conversations with a double meaning.

Krub and Ka - sentence enders, essentially a politeness marker. Can also be used on their own as an acknowledgement or an “excuse me?” kind of thing. Krub is male while Ka is female. Also romanised as khrap and kha.

Want a video about this from someone actually Thai? Perth Nakhun has gotchu.

youtube

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THE SHOWS

Most of these shows are available, legally, for free on YouTube with subtitles. For those that aren’t, or if any links have since died, message me. Fansub teams are scattered around a bit haphazardly so it's hard to know where to look sometimes but these (drama)s are very (cool) so you should definitely give them a go.

I’m focusing solely on TV here; films are a whole other area which I don’t have much experience in. For a list of like, literally every show and film ever, see here.

Key ✨ - Personal recommendations 🏳️‍🌈 - Openly queer cast and/or crew involved in the show Title, with a link to the listing on MyDramaList Synopsis, including notable cast members. Notes, aka gossip & triggers. Links

Summaries my own, because my own may suck but the official ones are even worse.

◇ ◆ ◇

The Classics.

Note: quality on these shows tends to be a lot lower than recent ones. These are the very start of the industry, and so show a time before they’d found their footing. They're messy, kinda cringey, and filled with teenagers, but on the other hand, there’s a certain charm to them because of that? They feel more genuine for their amateurish production, like they've been made for love rather than money, and there’s a real sweetness to a lot of the couples.

🏳️‍🌈 2 Moons

After Wayo enters the same university as his longtime crush Pha, he joins a competition to be crowned the campus moon (think prom king) in an effort to get Pha’s attention. As the former moon Pha is in charge of mentoring the new crop of hopefuls, but he seems to have a strange dislike for Wayo. Meanwhile, Wayo's best friend Ming attempts to win over a taciturn senior, Kit.

Note: this show had drama. Note the lack of actor's names. After Pha's actor, God Itthipat, revealed himself to be a homophobe that auditioned for the show solely to boost his modelling career, the author of the original novel took the opportunity to reveal she didn't like the cast and fired everyone. A reboot with a new cast — very imaginatively named 2 Moons 2 — was produced with plans to finish out the rest of the series, but that also crashed and burned via one of the producers coming onto and then being rejected by Wayo's new actor, Earth Teerapat. The producer fired Earth from any promotional stuff and the next season and then blacklisted him, the rest of the cast quit in protest, and season 3 has been languishing ever since. Last I heard the production company were refusing to admit any fault and going through a new round of auditions with little success. Actually a pretty sweet show on its own merits, so has quite a few fans despite all of this. General consensus is that 2 Moons 2 is the better series but it also moves a lot faster and I prefer the cast of S1. Watch either; you get more plot with S2 but it doesn't matter in terms of continuity.

(🏳️‍🌈 applies to the original 2 Moons only, with Kit’s actor aka Copter Panuwat being nonbinary.)

S1 Trailer ♦ S2 Trailer ♦ Watch S1 and S2

🏳️‍🌈 Love By Chance

Pete (Saint Suppapong) is a shy student who keeps to himself to hide the fact that he’s gay after previous experiences with violent homophobia. A chance encounter with the hotheaded and outspoken Ae (Perth Tanapon) brings him out of his shell to the point where he takes a chance on not just friendship, but also love.

Note: another one with drama. The short version is that a) only one of the cast (Earth Katsamonnat) is out as queer, resulting in many of the gay-for-pay actors belittling and bullying him on set, and b) Perth’s manager at one point started talking shit publicly about Saint, implying that he gets acting roles via selling himself to producers. Seemingly owing to age and industry inexperience Perth basically ignored the entire thing was happening, and what started as a few snide comments blew up to result in what looked like a very real and very public breakup. Earth and Saint both reject any association with the show now.

Note v.2: TW for rape and pseudo-incest (step-brother romance), but both are side storylines that are easily skipped with no impact on the rest of the show. Skip any scenes with Kengkla, Tum, and Tar. Despite [gestures] everything, the AePete parts are incredibly sweet and worth watching.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

✨ Love Sick

Student council member Punn’s (White Nawat) father wants Punn to date his boss’ daughter, never mind that Punn already has a girlfriend. The only thing that could sway him from the idea is if Punn had a boyfriend instead. Punn’s target for the farce? Noh (Captain Chonlathorn), president of the school music club who is desperate to get more funding for their activities.

Note: This is the show. The one that paved the way. I watched this show in 2016 and still think about Punn and Noh today. Skip any scenes with the girls, since their storyline is waaaay lower quality and also something that was written just to fill the time.

Trailer ♦ Links ♦ S1 Playlist

Make It Right

After his girlfriend cheats on him, Fuse (Peak Peemapol) gets drunk and sleeps with a friend, Tee (Boom Krittapak). At the same time, Frame (Ohm Pawat) and Book (Toey Sittiwat) also sleep together. The story revolves around these four and their attempts to rationalise that night with their previous straight identities.

TW: consent issues.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

Puppy Honey

When their school club for looking after stray animals is threatened with disbandment by the dean, best friends Porsche (Kang Korn) and Pick (Off Jumpol) try to recruit the dean's neice Emma (Cherreen Nachjaree) and her best friend Rome (Gun Atthaphan) to help change his mind. There's just one problem: Emma is terrified of dogs.

No trailer :( ♦ Watch Here

Sotus

Engineering student Arthit (Krist Perawat) is known for his hazing of incoming first-years, but he meets his match with the arrival of new student Kongpob (Singto Prachaya). The two don't want to like each other, but are drawn together nonetheless.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here (Sotus S is S2. Ignore that.)

✨Together With Me

Reunited for the first time in years at university, best friends Korn (Max Nattapol) and Knock (Tul Pakorn) drunkenly spend the night together. Afterwards they try to work out if they’d work as a couple, and if it’s even possible to go back to being just friends.

Note: this is actually a prequel to another drama, Bad Romance, but that isn't required watching for continuity.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

◇ ◆ ◇

The New Blood.

Now we're getting somewhere! These are the post-2019 releases, which, as the industry was starting to get established in its norms, marked a significant uptick in both quality and quantity.

🏳️‍🌈 2gether

With an admirer making unwanted advances toward him, cheerleader Tine (Win Metawin) decides that the perfect thing to do to get him to back off is be in a very public, fake, relationship with the campus hottie, Sarawat (Bright Vachirawit).

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈✨ 3 Will Be Free

What do a male stripper (Joss Way-ar), a pickpocket conwoman (Mild Lapassalan), and a gang princeling (Tay Tawan) have in common? Being bisexual, accidentally murdering a man, and going on the run together, of course.

Note: Polyamory and also a major trans character!

TW: attempted rape.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈✨ A Tale of Thousand Stars

Rich kid Tian (Mix Sahaphap) spends his time gambling and drinking the days away; he has a terminal heart condition so it's not like it's his life is worth anything, right? Wrong. After unexpectedly recieving a heart transplant from a young teacher killed in a car crash, he abandons his life in Bangkok to move to her rural (aka lacking in electricity and running water) village in an attempt to find some meaning in his life, and to keep a promise she made to a forest ranger, Phupha (Earth Pirapat).

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈✨ Bad Buddy

A rivals to lovers comedy where two university students, Pat (Ohm Pawat) and Pran (Nanon Korapat), who’ve grown up next door to each other, and whose families are feuding a la Romeo and Juliet, decide that generational trauma has had its turn; they’re gonna fall in love instead.

Note: F/F side pair!

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 Dark Blue Kiss

Pete (Tay Tawan) and Kao (New Thitipoom) are a couple and generally happy together, but that happiness is threatened by Kao’s reluctance to come out to his mother, something that Pete can’t understand. Kao, on the other hand, is tired of Pete’s possessiveness and jealousy. The two of them try to work out whether they care about each other enough to work through their issues.

Meanwhile, coffee shop owner Sun (Podd Suphakorn) takes in and employs bad boy Mork (Fluke Gawin) in an attempt to reform him.

Note: This is actually the third part of a series, following Kiss and Kiss Me Again, but those aren’t required watching afaik. There’s an official cut of all the PeteKao scenes Kiss Me Again for people who don’t wanna slog through Straight Nonsense, but I haven’t seen it so can’t say anything for the coherency.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 The Eclipse

Suppalo is a prestigious all-boys high school known for being unyielding in its standards, which fall to its prefects, including Akk (First Kanaphan), to enforce and maintain. On the outside, everything looks fine. On the inside, students protest daily about restrictive uniform rules, the administration tacitly encourage the bullying and osctracism of nonconforming students, and a beloved teacher recently committed suicide. New transfer student Ayan (Khaotung Thanawat) couldn’t give a shit about Suppalo’s rules. What he cares about is finding the truth behind his uncle’s death, what drove him to that point, and what it is about the school that inspires such blind compliance in Akk.

Note: this show has an interesting backstory in that the director, Golf Tanwarin Sukkhapisit, originally worked in the film industry before becoming Thailand’s first openly trans MP. When they lost their seat due to the military cracking down on pro-democracy protests and ousting anyone from parliament they deemed too liberal, Golf returned to filmmaking with a focus on subversive and anti-establishment media, including this show!

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

Enchanté

Returning to Thailand after spending time in France, Theo (Book Kasidet) is quickly bored by his change in surroundings and lack of friends, so turns to writing in a library book to someone he refers to as “Enchanté”. At his friend Akk’s (Force Jiratchapong) suggestion, the two of them start searching for his penpal. The problem? Not one, but four guys step forward.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 ✨ He’s Coming To Me

Amnesiac ghost Met (Singto Prachaya) waits for the day that one of his relatives will visit his grave so he can leave Earth and reincarnate. He spends 20 years like this, until one day he encounters a boy, Thun (Ohm Pawat), who can not only see him, but who also says his death was not accidental. Leaving the graveyard together, the two of them try to unravel the mystery of who Met was and why he’s been forgotten.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 ✨ I Told Sunset About You / Last Twilight in Phuket / I Promised You The Moon

After a childhood falling out, close friends Teh (Billkin Putthipong) and Oh-aew (PP Krit) ended up as bitter rivals. Now in their last year of high school and preparing for university entrance exams, the two of them are thrown together again by a Chinese language class. Oh-aew is failing miserably. Teh grew up speaking the language. What starts as tutoring in an attempt to repair their relationship quickly turns into something a lot more as they try to cope with the return of their friendship and feelings.

Note: whatever the Thai genre equivalent of arthouse lgbt cinema is, this series is it. It’s so real.

ITSAY Trailer ♦ Watch Here (VPN to the UK required)

🏳️‍🌈 ✨ KinnPorsche

After saving a man being attacked behind the bar where he works, Porsche (Apo Nattawin) finds out that that man, Kinn (Mile Phakphum), is the heir to one of Thailand’s biggest crime families. Faced with debt, a younger brother to put through university, and the family patriarch’s gratitude, Porsche takes a job as Kinn’s bodyguard. All he has to do to survive is swallow his morals, keep Kinn safe, and try to ignore how much he wants to sleep with him.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here (First 3 episodes available for free, full uncut 18+ ver. available only through subscription).

(Also has a bangin’ theme song in both English and Thai.)

✨ Manner of Death

Returning to the small town where he grew up after moving away for university, one of coroner Bun’s (Tul Pakorn) first cases when he arrives is the supposed suicide of a childhood friend. It doesn’t matter that she was drugged prior to her death, nor that there were signs of a fight in her home, the police want her case buried so that’s what he’s told to do. Bun refuses. After being backed into a corner by threats and violence from an unknown source, he's forced to team up with mysterious bar owner Tan (Max Nattapol) to find out the truth, who all the evidence seems to point to as her killer.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

✨ Not Me

Identical twins Black and White (both Gun Atthaphan) grew up to have completely different lives after their parents divorced. When Black is beaten within an inch of his life by an unknown assailant, the pampered White goes undercover in Black’s anarchist gang as his twin to try and find out who did it, and forges a connection with Black’s rival, Sean (Off Jumpol), in the process.

Trailer ♦ Watch here

TharnType

Type (Gulf Kanuwat) is generally known to be very friendly and outgoing, except for one thing: he's homophobic due to being molested by a gay man as a child. When he enters university and finds that his new roomate, Tharn (Mew Suppasit), is out and proud? He wages a campaign to get Tharn to move out, of course. Tharn stands his ground, and so starts their life of constant push and pull.

Note: This show had a less than stellar reputation from the get-go due to the storyline, and it didn't help matters when Mew was cast. During promotions of his previous show, What The Duck, Mew at one point came onto his costar, Art Pakpoom. By Art’s account Mew had trouble separating the show from their real lives, thought they were actually dating, and became incredibly controlling and possessive over him. This all came out via Art having a breakdown on I think an instagram live? Fans, typically, rallied behind Mew in this, saying that Art had led him on with their contractually obligated public affection and was the worse party of the two of them for the fact that he was airing their dirty laundy in public. It became a whole Thing for a week or two, Art’s mental state and career both took a nosedive, and now everyone ignores that it ever happened. There was a whole push of MewGulf as a fanservice couple afterwards to try and make us forget about Art, which for a lot of people seems to have worked :/ Apparently people watched this because the kissing is good? Idk I didn’t watch it.

Note v.2: This is a spin-off of Love By Chance, so same warnings apply wrt Tum & Tar.

(I guess it qualifies for 🏳️‍🌈 considering Mew, but god, at what cost?)

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

Theory of Love

Film student Third (Gun Atthaphan) decides it's time to get over his years-long unrequited love for his oblivious best friend, Khai (Off Jumpol). Taking cues from his favourite films, he confesses in one last ditch attempt that goes nowhere. And then, just as he starts to pull away, Khai starts his own chase.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 Until We Meet Again

After a tragic end to their romance, lovers Korn (Kao Noppakao) and Intouch (Earth Katsamonnat) are reincarnated as Dean (Ohm Thitiwat) and Pharm (Fluke Natouch). Meeting for the first time again when Pharm enters university, Dean and Pharm are instantly drawn to each other. They grapple with the concept of fate and falling in love so quickly, while flashbacks show the course of Korn and In’s relationship.

Note: big suicide tw for this!

Trailer ♦ Watch on YT or on Viki

Why R U?

Aspiring writer Zon (Tommy Sittichok) finds out that his sister has been using him and his rival, Saifah (Jimmy Karn), as fodder for her own romance novel. He demands that she take it down and she agrees, but only, she says, if he can prove that a) he’s a better writer than she is, and b) there’s absolutely nothing between him and Saifah.

Simultaneously, rich boy Fighter (Zee Pruk) tries to win the heart of a poor student, Tutor (Saint Suppapong), while chafing under his father’s expectations of a girlfriend and a career in business.

Note: this show is really lopsided. It’s also a hot mess. Initial plans were for the SaifahZon story to take centre stage, however they were filming each episode as they went and Covid happened partway through production and put a halt to everything. Trying to salvage whatever they could, they took what they’d already shot, aka the FighterTutor storyline, and finished the show with that, resulting in a mess of timeskips and general weirdness. I find the dynamics interesting enough to still be in invested, but obviously ymmv.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

◇ ◆ ◇

The Pulp.

Like I said, post-2019 we've been getting a lot of new releases per year. This is a selective round-up of stuff from smaller studios, shows with prominent actors, good stuff that just didn't reach the right audience, and the low-quality fluff.

Cutie Pie

The sons of two prominent families, Lian (Zee Pruk) and Kuea (New Chawarin), have been engaged since they were young. When an argument splits them up, Kuea is determined to use it as an opportunity to be himself rather than the doll-like image of a fiancé that he had portrayed for Lian. Lian, on the other hand, decides to pull out all the stops to win Kuea back, making sure that this time there's no obligation attached to their love.

Trailer ♦ Watch on YT or on Viki

Cupid’s Last Wish

Win (Mix Sahaphap) and Korn (Earth Pirapat) are close friends until Win's father dies and bequeaths Korn shares in the family business. Convinced that Korn was only using him for his family money, Win cuts off all contact. When a car crash somehow results in Win swapping bodies with his sister, he’s told that to turn back he must travel to four different temples scattered across Thailand in seven days, and that he must do it alongside Korn.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 Diary of Tootsies

When a friendship group of three gays and a lesbian all get dumped on the same day, they vow to each other to find love before the year is out.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

🏳️‍🌈 Gen Y

Hearing that there's one particular senior at university who's hard to approach, playboy Mark (Kimmon Varodom) makes it a personal mission to find, win over, and date medical student Kit (Copter Panuwat).

Note: I would be tempted to call this a redemption series if it weren't such a mess. After everything that was the first 2 Moons cancellation, fan favourite actors for Ming (Kimmon) and Kit (Copter) stuck together. This is supposedly what their season 2 would've been, if it existed, right down to Wayo (Bas Suradej) also being present as Mark's best friend, called Wayu here. Everything is much the same, both the Mark/MingKit dynamic and Wayo/u mooning over Pha, whose face is consistenly not shown and who also at one point dies so that the writers can pair Wayu up with the winner of a fan poll instead. No, I am not making this up, and yes, it is exactly as funny as it sounds.

✨ Great Men Academy

Hopeless romantic Love (New Chanyapuk) makes a wish on a unicorn (I know… just go with it) to turn into a guy (James Teeradon) so she can attend the same all-boys school as her crush. Gender bender shenanigans and rom-com situations occur as she tries to fit in, and when her male form instead catches the eye of another senior, Tangmo (JJ Kritsanapoom).

Note: I... actually really enjoyed this. James Teeradon in particular is phenomenal, as always, but the whole cast are great.

Trailer

🏳️‍🌈 Lovely Writer

Gene (Up Poompat) is a successful BL writer, never mind that he’s desperate to break into another genre like fantasy. His work is so successful, in fact, that his most recent novel gets turned into a TV show. As producer of the show and present on set everyday, he forges a bond with his leading man Nubsib (Kao Noppakao), but their blossoming relationship is soon threatened by the industry environment, fan expectations, and the very show that brought them together.

Note: this has a lot of meta commentary on the industry as a whole. Even if it weren’t good, which it is, it would be worth watching for that alone.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

My Engineer

Bohn (Cooper Patpasit) is a self-acknowledged shitty person who forces an underclassman, Duen (Poy Kritsanapong), into bringing him a red rose everyday in an attempt to weird hazing thing. It starts as a joke, but Bohn stops laughing when their forced proximity actually brings them together.

Meanwhile, extrovert King (Lay Talay) attempts to win over serious introvert Ram (Perth Nakhun).

Note: BohnDuen might be the primary couple, but RamKing is the highlight of this drama. We're supposedly getting a S2 centred on RamKing... eventually.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here (...and the fanmade RamKing cut here.)

My Ride

Medical student Tawan (Fame Chawinroj) and motorcycle taxi driver Mork (Fluke Pongsakorn) meet by chance one day when Tawan hires Mork to drive him across town. This one ride turns into many, and their feelings turn into love, regardless of the class difference.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

My Secret Love

Kimhant (Earth Teerapat) is a conscientious student who cares a lot about maintaining both his own and the university’s reputation. Mek (Fluk Chatchawan), on the other hand, cares more about his youtube channel than his degree. When a prank of Mek’s goes awry, the two of them are forced to first work together, and later fake date, to save themselves from suspension.

Note: this show has absolutely no business being as good as it is??

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

Secret Crush on You

At the beginning of his university life, Toh (Seng Wichai) falls in love at first sight with third-year basketball player Nuea (Billy Patchanon). Drunk on his first love but lacking the confidence to confess, Toh turns full-on stalker. When fate throws them together regardless of Toh’s wish to keep his distance, will he take the chance he’s given?

Note: This show is all about taking the characters who are typically the butt of jokes in Thai dramas and showing that they deserve love too. We have openly weird, chubby, and trans characters all having their own storylines and it’s incredibly sweet. Also, Saint Suppapong has seemingly aquired a flock of baby gays to guide.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

✨ The Stranded

After a tsunami strands a group of teens on their island school, they divide into groups as they try and work out not only how to survive, but also how to leave.

Note: Fair warning, the first season ends on a cliffhanger and we’re unlikely to get another due to the death of the lead actor.

Trailer ♦ On Netflix

✨ Triage

Losing a patient is nothing new for A&E doctor Tin (Tae Darvid). What is new is pronouncing that patient, Tol (Tee Thanapon), dead from a car crash, and then, the following day, seeing him be wheeled into the emergency room again. And again. And again. The same day loops over and over, and as Tin tries to learn how to escape, he gets closer to both Tol and also to a hospital conspiracy that threatens to consume them both.

Note: the broadcasters were doing this weird thing where the episodes were only available legally on YT for a two-hour window after they aired in Thailand. Ordinarily I would say to support the legal upload, but I feel like at that point it’s almost a moral obligation to encourage piracy.

As a sidenote, this and Manner of Death are by the same author. They’re only tangentially related though (ie Bun shows up to do an autopsy) so you don’t need to watch both for continuity.

Trailer ♦ Short film ♦ Ahoy!

Vice Versa

Talay (Sea Tawinan) is ecstatic when he lands his dream job, except that when his friends take him to the beach to celebrate, he drowns. Waking up in an alternate universe and the body of a rich boy, Tess (Ohm Pawat), he's told to find someone else, essentially his soulmate, who has also crossed over so that they can go home together and Talay can get back to his life. Whoever it is (Jimmy Jitaraphol) in the body of Tess’ friend Tun (Nanon Korapat) may fit the bill, but he has zero intention of leaving this world that he likes more than their original.

Trailer

You're My Sky

Thorn (Suar Kritsanapong) and Tupfah (Tae Chayapat) are both basketball players, but while Thorn is determined to turn professional if possible, Tupfah has put his own ambitions on hold. As they spend time together, and Thorn tries to convince Tupfah to return to the sport they both love, they, of course, fall in love themselves.

Trailer ♦ Watch Here

YYY

When one of Nott's (Yoon Phusanu) inventions goes haywire and wreaks havoc in his apartment building, he's on the verge of being kicked out. Luckily, prospective tenant Punn (Lay Talay) arrives just in time. Preying on the landlady's sympathy, the two of them concoct a plan to fake date in exchange for Nott’s continued residence.

Note: big flashing lights tw for the first minute of episode 1. This entire show is like someone’s acid trip come to life.

Trailer

◇ ◆ ◇

Currently Airing

Between Us (Aka Hemp Rope among fans)

A spinoff of Until We Meet Again, focused on Pharm and Dean’s friends Win (Boun Noppanut) and Team (Prem Warut) as they start a friend-with-benefits relationship that morphs into love. Win helps Team with his insomnia, and Team helps with feeling wanted.

Trailer 1 | Trailer 2

Ghost Host, Ghost House

A recent returnee to Thailand form the US, Kevin (Tod Techit) is fascinated by ghosts and Thailand’s cultural prevalence of them. Disregarding the warnings of his extended family and the local handyman, Pleum (Boy Nattapon), who he may have just a tiny crush on, he happily goes ghost hunting and exploring abandoned buildings in search for them, not knowing that there are some much closer than he thinks.

Trailer

Love in the Air

When Rain’s (Noeul Nuttarat) car breaks down one day and a handsome stranger fixes it for him roadside, he doesn’t expect that stranger to be Phayu (Boss Chaikamon), notable faculty alumnus and the object of his crush’s affections. Being an idiot, Rain hatches a plan to make Phayu fall for him in an attempt to get one over on him, but soon enough he’s the one catching feelings.

Simultaneously, Rain’s best friend Sky (Peat Wasuthorn) has a one night stand with rich boy Prapai (Fort Thitipong). Having recently left an abusive relationship, Sky isn’t looking for anything serious, but that doesn’t deter Prapai who fell in love at first fuck and makes it his mission to both win Sky over, and show Sky that he’s someone to be treasured.

Trailer ♦ Watch for free cut & on subscription uncut. (Note: the uncut ver. isn’t legally available in Europe.)

◇ ◆ ◇

Upcoming excitement.

Gap

Mon (Becky Armstrong), a fresh graduate, starts working as an intern in a big company because she admires the chairwoman, Sam (Freen Sarocha). She soon learns that Sam is nothing like her media persona, but is drawn to her when their paths cross anyway.

Note: Girls!!! Holy shit!!!!! So this is actually the first major F/F production that I’m aware of, and it came into existences at the behest of Saint Suppapong. After Saint starred in Love By Chance and Why R U he realised how skewed the industry was in favour of men, and actually founded his own production company to try and combat that. (Secret Crush On You was another of his productions!) This show is hopefully the first in a looong line of upcoming F/F dramas.

A few little teasers.

Moonlight Chicken

Jim (Earth Pirapat) is the owner of a Hainanese chicken restaurant. He values a simple life of making good food and looking after his customers. One night when looking after a drunk customer, Wen (Mix Sahaphap), they end up sleeping together, which quickly turns into a relationship that threatens the tight-knit little community that Jim has built.

Trailer

Never Let Me Go

Following the death of his mobster father, Neung (Phuwin Tangsakyuen) is the one left to pick up the pieces and take over the family empire. Unused to trusting people, he initially shuns the new bodyguard, Palm (Pond Naravit), that his mother assigns to him, but tensions quickly get the better of them and they start to fall in love.

Trailer

Wish Me Luck

Rak (Fiat Patchata) is somehow holding his own while juggling two jobs, one at a supermarket, the other as an intern for a small advertising firm. The supermarket is the least demanding of the two, but the advertising firm has the bonus of his very hot boss, Chai/Shine (Na Naphat), who takes it upon himself to personally oversee Rak’s vocational training. But as the work piles up and Rak struggles to hold his head above the water, he has to decide which is more important to him, and whether he’s going to let his emotions get in the way.

Trailer

Wish You Luck (yes, these two are named very confusingly.)

After a devastating event leaves cities empty and countless people dead, Ken (Tonnam Piamchol) survives by living alone in the wilderness, where his bad luck can’t jinx anyone he cares about. Q (Title Teshin), a strange boy he comes across one day, is trying to make his way home to Chiang Mai. Thrown together by the road, the two try to survive and make what they can of the new world.

Note: Tonnam lead role!!! Tonnam has been in a lot of dramas lately, including Triage, Cutie Pie, and Love in the Air, in supporting & background parts. He somehow manages to be a great actor even when he has literally 2 lines in a scene to work with, so we’re all really excited to see him as a lead 🥰

Trailer

◇ ◆ ◇

Links

Networks: @/asiansapphics @/asianlgbtqdramas @/lakornet @/asianlgbtnetwork

General where to watch stuff legally:

GMMTV YT

GagaOOLala (subscription service)

Viki

iQiyi

WeTV (finnicky depending on your region)

Viu (need to vpn to Southeast Asia or Middle East)

◇ ◆ ◇

@yilinglaozus @dekaja @sp8sexual you all liked my previous post so now you have to deal with this one too <3

#not tagging this or actually mentioning any of the networks because frankly this is so long it's embarrassing #this is for my mutuals and followers only <3 #*banging pots and pans together* come get y'all gay tv !#also yes i'm aware that some links are missing. one streaming service recently went offline and all of their dramas with it #it's been an Experience trying to find them again #but there's bound to be uploads on yt or dailymotion #also i realise that i have not painted many of these shows in a good light but you know that post that's like #'it's hard to recommend anime to ppl because there's so much Typical Anime Bullshit you become desensitised to #and you don't know other ppls tolerance for it.'#?#that's me w thai dramas #i love them with all my heart and i would not recommend them to anyone. god bless.

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teresa-moyocoyotzin · 3 years

Text

short recap of my thoughts on 5x09

okay so i was gonna rewatch the whole episode and do a blow-by-blow reaction post but i’m not sure i’ll have time and i kinda wanna focus on watching my fave scenes from the show before tonight. also, everyone else’s reaction posts p. much sum up my thoughts lol

nonetheless, i just wanted to give my main takeaways on the episode a week later, in case anyone cares where i’m at going into the finale! gonna go over the things i liked first, anyone who wants to just remain positive and not see any salty takes might wanna just stick to reading the first part b/c i definitely rant a bit at the end lmao. we’re still having a fun time tho 😂

THINGS I LOVED

- i mean... i think we know LOL

- obviously. i loved james and teresa’s i love you scenes, and kisses, and OOF THAT SEX SCENE. if someone had told me we were gonna get that scene back in like 2017??? i probably would have started literally floating. i totally respect that people had very specific ideas of what they wanted out of those scenes and could have different feelings about it but NOT ME BABES I AM ECSTATIC!!! i did go into the episode with a ~feeling~ that we were gonna get at least one ILY in the episode, and i just had a feeling it would be james, or at least that he would say it first. i’ve already explained in my meta about the scenes why i think it makes sense that he said it first and why i love it that he did, so i won’t go into that here. but i went in having really no expectations for it other than that it was gonna happen! i was debating about whether it would happen really casually while they’re talking, or in like a big action scene, or really dramatic or what, and what i would prefer, and i came to the conclusion that i would love it no matter what lol, but i was really into the idea of james just. fucking. saying it. while they’re just talking about something really casually. so therefore i was pretty happy with it when we got sort of a mix! they’re talking about teresa’s insane death trap of a plan so there’s that drama of “i don’t want to lose you esp. not before saying ILY” kinda thing, but it’s also just. so simple and sure! and then teresa’s i love you is like the perfect scene for me where one character is super focused on something else (in this case, trying to protect the woman he loves! agh!) and the other is just like.. i love you!!!! SO GOOD

- let’s see, what the hell else happened in this ep?

- oh okay i really liked james and teresa’s vibes this episode, they were so focused on each other and had this very ride-or-die feeling about them like they knew that each of their plans was increasingly stupid and desperate and might not even get them where they wanna go, but they were IN IT TOGETHER no matter what 😭i wish we had gotten a callback to that line but at this point, i’m p. sure they Know they’re in it together, and we do too. so it’s okay. i love that teresa still asks his input and considers his opinions even if she does her own thing anyways haha

- oh on that note, i LOVED the moment where their plans to kill Kostya aren’t working and Teresa says something like “If I can meet with him in person, I can kill him myself” and James just has this LOOK that just is the epitome of the “I am in love with a women who is DESIGNED TO STRESS ME OUT” meme lol, it made me giggle, v classic QOTS moment

- oh and of course, I LOVED that scene with devon and james at the end!!!!!!!! i was also confused about how james was showing all his emotions in that scene esp. since he tries to be stoic about his feelings for Teresa around Devon, but now that i’ve read a few people’s thoughts about, it i’m fully on board w the theory that james and teresa already knew this was coming, b/c they’re smart, and b/c james knows devon wouldn’t have let him walk away to save Teresa at the beginning of the season without motivation (like having him in place to kill her when she’s no longer useful to the CIA) and THEREFORE james was sort of “overacting” to make it believable to devon (and the audience lol) that he didn’t know this was coming, didn’t want to do it, but felt like he had to, rather than the fact that they were already plotting a fake death. that makes a lot of sense to me and makes me really love all the layers to that scene. it does give me a little bit of hope that the finale ~teresa’s not really dead~ reveal will be at least a little well executed and not just shoved in at the very end. we shall see though!

- alright i think that’s what i loved about the episode, if u don’t wanna hear me bitching about the little things then u should probably stop here!! just have to get out some of my saltiness lol

THINGS I WAS ANNOYED ABOUT

- i’m just gonna get it out of the way, yes, i too was supremely annoyed at the amount of KA and Pote take suburbia; it was all 1000% predictable down to the raccoon and the cookies, and the point could have been accomplished in exactly 1 scene, maybe 2, certainly not like 10 or however many we got. whatever. ugh.

- okay. OKAY. chicho. we need to talk about chicho. i for one, am not mad that he called pote, my boy was stressed. I AM HOWEVER, mad at the writers for making pote come back after saying he trusted chicho to take care of teresa now. like. it totally devalued THE WHOLE THING!! imo, pote shoulda stayed his ass at home where we had to watch him settle all episode, and chicho should have gotten THE HERO MOMENT HE DESERVED (esp. cuz he’s on first name basis w teresa now??) which ALSO WOULD HAVE MADE THE SCENE WHERE TERESA GIVES CHICHO THE DISTILLERY AND THE BAR SO! MUCH! MORE! MEANINGFUL!!!!! or just made it make sense at all? like .... i’m just so confused by that whole plotline like what was the point? chicho does nothing but call pote and gets T’s whole legacy in NOLA?

- and don’t even get me started on how it makes ZERO sense that pote would have had to charge in at the last minute to save teresa when JAMES THE SNIPER W AMAZING AIM WHO IS LITERALLY. IN LOVE WITH HER. is standing outside like. ur telling me james and chicho (who again, is supposed to be her #2 after james now) just stood there like “oh hey pote yeah you go ahead we’ll wait here good luck” like WHAT also.. how did pote get past all the guards that made james stay outside? are we meant to believe pote is that sneaky? y’all. it just. doesn’t make sense. this whole plot situation maddens me more than anythings tbh UGH JUST MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

- oksana’s daughter..... what’s her name again? idk b/c we only MET HER THIS WEEK....okay this amuses me but i’m also annoyed b/c like. there were so many other women who could have taken that spot in the opening sequence... Lil T, Castel, hell even Isabela??? Like idk how they could have done it but they put so much effort into her plot in the first seasons that i really thought she was gonna end up w/ Teresa in the end.. idk that would have been kind cool, Camila’s two “daughters” eventually working their way out of the life together..again idk how they could have realistically done it but i really do wish it had been someone we met before. if it had to be someone new this season, they could have introduced her earlier instead of one of the seemingly dozens of random guys we knew for 1 episode before they died... like.. give her some depth please. is she even gonna be in the finale? honestly she better be after making us listen to pote welcome her into the family... like the family u were supposed to leave so u could have an actual baby pote? the family that’s literally dispersing as we speak? also.. since when did pote love oksana so much anyways? also...... just.. if teresa’s gonna have some sort of daughter figure or whatever she’s supposed to be, wouldn’t it make sense to have her be the one to give the big welcome to the family speech? idk y’all..... i’m amused but also baffled at the sheer lack of planning behind this. did no one realize they needed someone for the opening scene until like. halfway thru the season? did they plan to have it be castel but they couldn’t get her for filming (hence all the weird castel plots?) INQUIRING MINDS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. it’s whatever tho lol

- i just hope that what’s-her-name gets a lil bit of plot in the finale esp. since otherwise it might just be pote running around being pissy (i don’t actually think that haha but i am a lil nervous that teresa won’t come back until the last few mins and i’ll have to spend all episode looking at boaz and devon and pote and KA.. i haven’t looked at any spoilers tho so i’m still hopeful! i will probably make a post about my hopes going into the finale a lil later, both realistic and unrealistic :)

#ik it's all been said before but i just had to get my feelings out before i could move on to the finale #the finale!!! wow.. crazy shit y'all #qots #queen of the south #jeresa #qots 5x09

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maaaddiexo · 4 years

Text

Fugitives (The Weeping Monk)

Mainlist | Serieslist

Warnings: cursing, gore

part 2/4 (4 for now; maybe more after second season release)

[part 3]

Y/N didn’t see or hear anything from the Weeping Monk for three weeks. Two days after their first official meeting, she saw him leave with Carden and a group of Red Paladins. None of them had returned since.

Boredly, Y/N twirled her fingers and the windchimes she hung in the windows sang in the wind she created. Ever since the Monk’s visit, her days had become even more bland and boring than before. Her dinner tray had been abandoned long ago when the sun was still far above the horizon. Now, not even the moon could shine through the thick blanket of clouds.

Y/N huffed and got up from her spot by the window to the round table in the circular room. As well as boring days, Y/N could no longer sleep. Her dreams were plagued with magical worlds beyond her cage, bright blue eyes filled with tears, and hands dripping in blood.

Art and magic were the only things in Y/N’s life that brought her comfort. Unfortunately, magic drained Y/N’s energy so she often resorted to drawing and painting to calm her forever-frayed nerves. After brewing herself a cup of tea, she lit the candles scattered all around her room and picked up a pencil. Instead of drawing the mysterious man – who she really believed to be much younger than he looked – she reached into the depths of her imagination and let her mind wander. When she opened her eyes, the candles were burning low and she had partially drawn a Fey community in a thick forest and disguised by moss and leaves from time.

Bang! Bang!

“Born in the dawn!” An unfamiliar voice whispered from the other side of the door and slammed their hand against the door again, repeating the Fey phrase.

Still bleary, Y/N stumbled to the door, tripping over her own skirts. With a flick of her wrist, the wooden lock on the outside of the door undid and she opened the door. On the other side of the door, a young boy covered in dirt and blood stood on the other side of the door. He had shaggy blonde hair and light eyes, but one was bruised and swollen shut. “Who are you?”

“Are you Y/N?”

“Do you know another girl locked in a tower?” The boy didn’t find any humour in her words, and if he did, he ignored and repeated his question. “I am. Who are you?”

“I’m Squirrel.” He lifted his hand up from his side and gave her the two measly daisies in his hand. Y/N didn’t know how she’d missed them. “I’m supposed to guve you these.”

“The Monk,” Y/N breathed. “Where is he? Is he alright?”

“In the woods. He left the Red Paladins, but he wanted to say goodbye to you first. But he’s hurt real bad. He can’t walk. So, I’m here instead.”

“You’re leaving with him?”

Squirrel nodded. “Somewhere safe. Where the Red Paladins won’t find us.”

Y/N looked back at her table – at the picture she’d fallen asleep drawing. It was the same one from her dreams. She nibbled her lower lip but then nodded firmly. Most of the Fey were dead anyways. “I’m coming with you. Give me ten minutes. Come in.”

Squirrel sat on the bed as Y/N rushed around the room and packed things into a leather sack. She knew one day she’d leave the wretched tower but not so soon. She packed the necessary herbs and items she needed and crammed a shawl into the sack.

“Ready?”

Y/N hesitated, feeling like she was forgetting something before rushing to her wardrobe and unveiled the secret panel. They’d tear the place apart upon realizing she was gone and she didn’t need them seeing the few things she kept private. She folded them up and slid them into the bursting sack before throwing on her cape. “Ready.”

Y/N couldn’t remember when she’d first climbed the tower and was unused to the dark and narrow staircase that seemed to wind down forever. When Squirrel finally pushed open the door, Y/N got her first real breath of fresh air in over a decade.

“This way,” Squirrel whispered. He ran across the open field as fast as a fox but as quiet as a leopard. Not too deep into the woods, Squirrel slowed down and in a tight cluster of trees, they came across the Weeping Monk slumped against a thick tree. He was caked in blood and dirt and sweat, and he pressed a ripped piece of cloth against his thigh, but his pressure slackened when he saw Y/N.

“What is she doing here? I told you to give her my message.”

“I did. And then she decided she wanted to come with us. Who was I to say no to a witch?”

“Are you scared of witches?”

Squirrel bristled. “My best friend’s a witch. She’s always shown she can take care of herself. I figured you could help us.” He turned to watch the Monk struggle to his feet. “Help him.”

Y/N wanted to ask what exactly it was the boy expected her to do but she knew the answer. They were all fugitives now and needed a place to lay low while the boys – mainly the Monk – healed. Y/N looked around the woods they were concealed in even though there wasn’t much to see in the dark. “Okay. I know a place. A day’s walking west of Travern.”

“That’s almost two days from here,” the Monk gasped. A two day’s journey wasn’t long, but time they spent in the open was time they could be caught and killed.

“We’ll only travel at night though. We’ll be able to get further knowing Red Paladins won’t be looking for us.”

“Well, what do we do during the day?” Squirrel wondered.

“Sleep. We’ll take turns keeping watch. And as long as we reach Travern by dawn, I doubt the Red Paladins will be much of an issue.”

“What does that mean?”

The Monk turned his head only slightly to face Squirrel. “It means she plans on leading us into the Dark Wood.”

Squirrel stuttered for a moment, baffled by the Monk’s words. He turned to Y/N. “Are you bloody crazy?”

Y/N’s quick wit hasn’t yet run out. “Depends on who you ask.”

“The Dark Wood is full of demons and dark gods!”

“Lies,” the girl replied boredly and moved to help the Monk to his feet and then onto the large black horse. “It’s all rumours to keep the Red Paladins out of the area so that Fey can live there,”

“I’ve never heard of a village there.”

“It’s not your average village,” Y/N explained. “They don’t let just anybody in. You need to meet certain…criteria to be accepted.”

“What kinds of criteria?”

Y/N didn’t answer Squirrel and instead looked up at the Monk. “What do the Red Paladins say about the Dark Wood?”

The man juts his chin at Squirrel. “The same thing he said. They’ll take days out of their missions to avoid journeying through it. Are you sure we should go there?”

Y/N thought back to her dreams. “I’m sure.” The Dark Wood was the only place Y/N knew they wouldn’t be sought out and the only place they could be safe. “Let’s go.”

The trek was long and uneventful. As the night went on, Y/N found herself tripping over her feet more and more and her eyes became heavy. She was grateful they didn’t run into anybody because she was sure none of them were in good enough shape to fight off Red Paladins – or worse, the Trinity Guard.

The moon and stars are hidden by clouds and the woods were completely quiet until the sky turned from a dark to a pale blue and something snapped in the distance. Squirrel, who had fallen asleep in front of the Monk on the horse, is shaken awake.

Y/N sighed. “I really hope that’s a rabbit.”

“Who’s there?” The deep, masculine voice came from the direction of the snap and Y/N’s head dropped.

“Dammit.”

“I can take him,” the Monk grunted and moved to dismount.

“You’re crazy,” Y/N remarked and instructed them to stay there and told them she’d be back. Having never gone hunting or spent much time in the woods, Y/N was loud as she approached the man, but he continuously called out for her to identify herself and so she knew where he was.

Y/N took a deep breath and steeled herself before stepping into the man’s view. Unsurprisingly, it was a Red Paladin. What was surprising to Y/N was that he was alone.

The man leered at her and showed her a full set of yellow teeth. “It’s dangerous to be alone out in the woods, little girl.”

Y/N’s hands began to tingle and glow. “I could say the same to you.” She focused on the Paladin and whispered, “Rigescunt indutae.”

The Red Paladin froze and Y/N watched his eyes go wide. His hand slackened and the heavy sword dropped to the ground. Y/N felt the energy leave her body as the magic exhausted her but forced herself to hold on a little bit longer. She made two fists and brought them together. As she pulled her fists apart and opened her hands, as if ripping a piece of paper, she yelled, “Scindo!”

Y/N felt the hot blood splatter against her face and neck, but she was falling and couldn’t find the energy to wipe the blood away. Before her eyes rolled to the back of her head, she saw the Red Paladin’s body drop to the ground in two pieces.

He’d been cleaved in half like a piece of wood.

***

The rhythmic bumping of her head against something hard woke Y/N up. She was groggy and her sight was bleary but she could see that she was on the horse.

“Stop.”

“Morning, princess.” The Monk pulled on the reins and the horse came to a halt. Y/N slid off the horse and stumbled, running into Squirrel.

“How long was I out?”

“Thirty minutes or so,” Squirrel replied. “We’re past Travern now. But we can’t stop now. Not after what you did.”

Y/N looked at the woods around them. The trees were tall and looming. Their roots sprawled through the dirt and the branches seemed to reach out, ready to snatch unsuspecting victims. Y/N shook her head. They were just rumours. Still, she didn’t feel safe standing around. She nodded and accepted the Monk’s hand to get back on the horse, this time behind him. “Okay. Let’s go.”

[part 3]

#cursed #the weeping monk #lancelot #the weeping monk x reader #the weeping monk x fem!reader #the weeping monk x y/n #the weeping monk imagine #the weeping monk fanfiction #action #romance #fantasy #magic #camelot #camelot fanfiction

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erin-bo-berin · 4 years

Text

Jealousy

MASTERLIST

I wrote this fic AGES ago back when I first watched the season 14 finale, but for some reason its been sitting on the back burner as I wasn’t quite happy with it. But anyway, now it’s finally seeing the light of day and was heavily inspired by the poker game at the beginning of the episode, as you can probably tell by tge gif. I hope you enjoy some more Spencer feels.

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: Mature (smut)

Word Count: 2,913

“Pair of kings, pair of sevens. Oh I’m sorry, three sevens.”

Everyone groaned, throwing down their cards as they surrendered to the normality of Dr. Spencer Reid winning another hand of poker.

It was after hours at the BAU and a few of you decided to unwind in the briefing room by playing poker. So far, Spencer had won every round. But the night was early and you all were only a few hands in.

“I wanna know how Y/N was taught by you, yet still can’t beat you.” Luke shook his head.

“Sorry, but the brains also helps with the wins,” Spencer chuckled.

You mock scowled, before laughing yourself. Not long ago you’d asked Dr. Reid to teach you how to play poker since he was the best and you had zero knowledge of the game. That and it was a good excuse to spend time with him since you’d been harboring a crush on him.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am determined to beat Spence,” JJ grinned.

“Oh, I'd love to see the lady try,” he smirked at her.

You felt a twinge of jealousy, probably irrationally so since it was obvious to you that he’d had a crush on JJ forever. You couldn’t blame him exactly; even if your best friend was married, she was still stunning.

“Let’s go then,” Luke said, dispersing new cards around the table.

•

“I’m all in,” Spencer said, pushing his candy towards the pile in the middle of the table.

You had to resist the urge to groan. Your hand of cards were absolute shit.

“I fold.” You put your cards down, thankful that you didn’t have anything to lose this hand.

“Same here,” Luke said, tossing his hand, “Hey Y/N maybe we should start the worst poker players club. You in?”

You laughed, pushing your hair back over your shoulder, “As long as I’m the president.”

“Deal.”

Across the table, you noticed Spencer’s eyes squint—like he did when he was analyzing something—as he watched the two of you. You weren’t exactly sure what that was about.

You watched as JJ pushed her pile of change and candy towards the pot.

“I’m all in.”

Spencer’s focus turned back to her as he made a tsking sound, while JJ flashed an innocent smile.

“Okay show us your cards,” Luke waved his hand, anxious to see who would win. You had to admit the suspense was killing you as well.

“Four of a kind!” Spencer beamed when his cards touched the table, showing his four 5’s.

Your and Luke’s head immediately swiveled the opposite direction as JJ set her cards down with a flourish. It was a straight flush.

Luke whooped and your jaw dropped. Spencer was speechless.

“No. Way.” You said, in awe, watching JJ pull all her earnings towards herself.

“It finally happened!” Luke grinned, high fiving you, “I owe you 20 bucks Y/N.”

“You guys bet on me losing?!”

“It had to happen sometime Spencer,” you said.

“Come on, it’s my turn to beat the doc,” Luke said, reaching for the cards to shuffle again.

“Okay one more hand and I gotta go. I promised Garcia I’d be home before it got too late. Hopefully the boys aren’t driving her crazy,” JJ said reaching for her new cards.

“Oh please, you know she loves them,” you grin.

You pick up your cards, pretending to sneak a peek at Luke’s cards.

“Hey, no peeping!” he laughed, trying to move them out of your sight, making you try to lean further over to see.

“I’m just trying to see if the Vice President of the Worst Poker Players club has a chance,” you smirked at him.

“You madam President are too nosy for your own good,” Luke grins.

“Can we just get on with the game?” Spencer retorted, his voice unnaturally harsh.

Your gaze shot to Spencer, shocked to hear the sharp tone in his voice. You very rarely ever saw him mad or even irritable for that matter.

“Uh, sure,” you said, going first, placing your bet.

A few minutes after everyone else placed their starting bets, Spencer challenges you, raising your bet, his glare fixed on you. You make yourself resist physically flinching. You have no idea why his mood had darkened so suddenly and only at you.

You glance at JJ to see if she’s noticed and she gives you a small shrug, just as baffled as you are. As your best friend, she of course knew about your feelings for him. She gives you a questioning look as if assessing if you’re okay. You give a quick nod and return to your cards, trying not to feel hurt. Tuning back into the game you notice Luke has folded, JJ soon follows. Before you know it, it’s just you against Spencer.

“Ah, teacher against student. The tension is real.” Luke drums his fingers against the table.

You set your hand down. It wasn’t the best, but you were hoping somehow Spencer would have a worse hand. No such luck. Once again, your jaw drops when you see his own straight flush spread out in front of him.

“Damnit,” you mumble.

“You’re never gonna beat me Y/N. I’d stop trying if I were you.”

This time you did flinch. Your brows furrow, irritated, both at him and the fact you can’t beat him.

“Hey, I did,” JJ pointed out as she stood to pull on her jacket, “I gotta run guys.”

“Yeah, me too,” Luke says, standing up and stretching, “Spence? Y/N?”

“No, I think I’m gonna stay a bit longer. I’m determined to beat him.”

“Good luck,” Luke said heading to the door.

See you guys Monday and hopefully not sooner!” He calls as he walks out of the room.

“Tell me how it turns out,” JJ says, giving you a look only another woman could decipher, clearing meaning she meant more than just the game.

After giving both of you hugs and saying goodbye once again, you and Spencer are settled back at the round table, ready for another game.

“Sure you’re up to this?” he smirked, looking you up and down.

“Yes.” Your tone is clipped, determined, “I was taught well you know.”

“It’s going to get boring winning hand after hand you know.”

“Fine. Then let’s make it interesting why don’t we?”

“I’m listening.” He sits back, clasping his hands behind his head, watching you.

“Strip poker. You know the rules. Losing hand removes an article of clothing.”

“You’re on.”

Half an hour later you’re sitting next to a pile of your belongings. Deciding to count accessories since you had on a lot less layers than he did, you had managed to already have removed your hair clip, watch, necklace and shoes. Spencer had only lost his watch. At least that was a small victory, your one win.

“One win out of five games. I’d say I’m impressed, but that’s a measly 5% of your wins in our total of games so far.”

Your eyes blazed and you glared at him.

“What’s your problem?”

He looked up at you, clearly taken aback. You stifle a snort, annoyed at the fact that he had the audacity to look surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not.” You look up from your cards to say something else, but he goes back to the game before you can ask any further questions.

“Damn,” he mutters, putting down his hand of random assorted cards.

Your face lights up and you slam down your three of a kind.

“Pay up. Something comes off.”

He shakes his head, pulling his tie off. Unfortunately for you, the next game isn’t in your favor and your shirt comes off, leaving you in just your bra and pants. You look up and deal to begin the next game, noticing his eyes suddenly are intensely focused on the tabletop.

You lay your head in your hand as you look at your cards before reaching from one for the deck, not noticing how the movement makes your breasts even more visible to him. What you do notice though is his slight shift in stance.

“So uh, you and Alvez huh?”

Now it was your turn to look startled.

“What about me and Luke?”

“I don’t- I just- I mean,” he cleared his throat trying to stop his stammering, “You guys just seem really friendly all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, we get along great. He’s a good friend.”

“Oh, I see.”

Suddenly it clicked.

“Why? Are you jealous?”

He doesn’t answer, just drops his hand on the table, the cards splayed out.

“Well, shit.”

“Another four of a kind.”

You sigh, standing up, unbuttoning your pants.

“This isn’t fair, you know,” you say, unzipping them.

You look over at him when you realize he hasn’t answered you and find his eyes on you, his tongue moving over his lips. Your stomach tightened, a sight you would never get over seeing. He did that single motion more times during a single case alone, than you could count.

You dropped your pants on the pile of your belongings, not exactly caring where it landed or the fact that you just happened to be half naked. It was like a magnetic force pulling you closer towards him. You drag your hand across the table as you approach him, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip. His eyes don’t leave you as you approach him, the game long forgotten.

“You were jealous. Weren’t you?” Your voice is barely a whisper as if you’re afraid that if you spoke the words too loud they wouldn’t be true.

Smoother than you thought he could be, he’d reached out for you and pulled you into his lap.

“Yes.”

Next thing you knew his hands are in your hair and his lips are on yours and you’re kissing him back with such intensity that you had to pull away after a moment, just to get air back to your lungs and clarity to your mind.

“But I thought you-”

“Liked JJ?”

“I, uh-” you momentarily blank on what you were saying as his hand moves up your arm and pulls one bra strap down, slowly.

“Yeah,” you finish.

“I did.” His lips met your shoulder, kissing it, “Until the day you walked through those doors.”

You felt your jaw slacken a bit as his lips traveled up your neck, stopping every few moments to suck on one spot or another. The realization had dawned on you that that specific event was more than six years ago.

“Oh,” you breathed, both in response to his confession and his gentle suckling.

His hands reached behind you and unfastened your bra in one swift movement.

“Why Dr. Reid aren’t you suave?”

He groaned, low in his throat. Whether it was because of the sight of your bare breasts or you calling him doctor, you weren’t sure. Your arousal was obvious, your nipples already pinched.

You lifted your head to kiss him again, loving the way his scruff was slightly scratchy against your face and the feeling of his lips moving simultaneously with yours.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been kissing when you felt his hands glide up your thighs, fingers brushing against the side of your underwear. Just the feeling of him touching you through the thin fabric of your underwear was enough to make you shiver. Your lips were traveling along his jaw when you felt him lift you.

“What are you-”

He placed you on the table as easily as he could before pulling your last article of clothing off. His arms hooked under your thighs, lifting you up and pulling you to the edge of the table, sending the deck of cards flying.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, feeling his mouth on you. Never in a million years would you have imagined his mouth to be this impactful.

You couldn’t see his expression, but somehow you knew Spencer was smirking. His tongue moved agonizingly slow over your slit, just barely brushing your clit.

“Spencer for God’s sake,” you whined already feeling tension building throughout every inch of your body, his touch sending your entire being into overload.

Your head fell backwards when his tongue flicked your clit repeatedly before flattening his tongue against it. Your breathing was heavy as you managed to sit up on your elbows, looking down at him. The sight of Dr. Spencer Reid, the resident genius, with his head between your legs, doing magical things with his mouth was almost enough to send you spiralling out of control.

When you felt his touch completely disappear you opened your mouth to protest until you felt his fingers on you again. One finger slid in as he watched your expression, his eyes squinted again, his tongue moistening his lips.

“I swear to God if you don’t stop licking your lips I’m gonna cum right this second,” you practically growled at him.

His only response was a chuckle before he added a second finger to the mix and his mouth was back on you again. His tongue moved against you before finally sucking on your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Oh fuck, oh yes. Speeeence,” you moaned, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

You couldn’t tell if it was just your thighs or your entire body that was shaking, but you were pretty sure it was both at this rate. You gripped the edge of the table hard, the mound of tension in the pit of your stomach unraveling faster and faster.

“Please don’t stop,” you begged breathlessly, desperate for the sweet release that was so close you could almost reach.

Like a balloon bursting after being filled with too much air, your body feels the same as your orgasm coursed through it, rendering you breathless mid-moan.

You’re pretty sure you hadn’t cursed as much as you did in the seconds following.

“Holy shit Spencer,” you groaned, trying to gain some control in your body again.

He pulled you toward the edge of the table, helping you down so you were leaning against it. Your legs were shaking too much to be able to stand on your own anyway. His hand cupped your face as he kissed you again, this time a lot softer than the previous kisses you’d shared. It was then when you had an idea.

“Sit back.” You took his hand off your face, lightly pushing his shoulders for him to sit back in the chair.

“Why?”

“Just do it.” You kissed the base of his throat, fingers fumbling over the buttons of his shirt.

With each button released, your lips moved lower over his skin.

Finally getting the gist of your movements, his hand caught your wrist when your fingers reached the waist of his pants.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. But I’m a lady and I always return a good deed,” you grinned slyly.

He bit his lip as if trying to assess your face just to be sure.

“I want to.”

He released his grip and you continued your task, wasting no time until he was in his boxers. Your lips moved in line above his waistband your palm pressing against the noticeable bulge.

A grunt came above you encouraging you. You pulled the fabric enough out of the way, your hand wrapping around his cock. He inhaled sharply, watching you intently. Your hand moved slowly back and forth making him suffer just as much as he did to you.

“Y/N I think I’m wound up enough. Cut out the fucking teasing,” came through gritted teeth.

“My apologies, Doctor.”

You flashed a quick smirk up at him then leaned down, tongue swirling around his head. His hips jerked slightly when you took him in your mouth, your tongue swirling before settling on sucking.

“Fuck!” Spencer groaned loudly.

You peeked upwards to see his head fall back and his eyes close. You couldn’t help but feel the satisfaction at knowing you’re the one causing him to react like this.

You feel his hand in your hair, his grip tightening the longer you’re on your knees.

“After listening to you Y/N, I’m not gonna last long,” he groans as you hum your response.

Using one hand to pump him, you suck on his head long enough for him to give you the warning of his impending release. Seconds later it hit him, hot liquid filling your mouth. You sat back swallowing like a champ and wiping your mouth. You looked up at the wrecked Dr. Reid, panting above you. It was a good look on him.

“Did you let me win?”

“What?”

“Earlier. During the game; that last hand I won. Did you let me win?” You asked as you grabbed your own clothes, both of you trying to look presentable again.

“Y/N, you can win all the poker games you want as long as we can do that again.”

“You got a deal.”

“There’s only one problem now,” he groaned.

“You mean besides the deck of cards scattered on the floor?”

“Yes. Cause now when we have a new case I’m going to have to resist the urge to imagine bending you over this table.”

You swallowed hard, the image in your mind doing things to you as well. You looked him in the eye before responding, earnestly.

“Guess that’s gonna have to wait until the next poker game.”

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid smut #spencer reid gifs #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid gifs #dr spencer reid smut #Criminal Minds #criminal minds gifs #criminal minds fic #criminal minds smut

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darkpoisonouslove · 3 years

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Tangled: The Series Review

I just watched Tangled: The Series and I finished all three seasons in four days. TL:DR It’s good. It’s really, really good and I definitely recommend. This might be the best thing that has come out of Disney in the last decade or more. Now head under the cut for a more detailed look at the show and my thoughts on it.

Plot

The plot is actually pretty simple and is a direct continuation of the storyline from Tangled: Before Ever After. Granted, there are a lot of elements that answer questions not only from that movie but also from the Tangled movie itself but they are introduced with a lot of time in between that lets you process and even get disengaged at a couple points.

Not gonna lie, the pacing can be pretty slow sometimes and you almost forget what the end goal of the journey is but that allows for a lot of character work to be done (which I will talk about in a sec). It doesn’t seem like it has enough plot for three seasons but they do end up filling it out. Sometimes it’s a little frustrating but it works about 98% of the time.

The finale of season 3 wasn’t overly hyped up by the set up so it didn’t feel anti-climatic like it so often happens when shows just oversell their final showdown in the build-up and then it’s just... eh. Here the emotion and suspense definitely felt proportional to the action you’re getting most of the time.

Characters

The characters were great! They build up on what we’ve seen from Rapunzel, Eugine and Cassandra in the two movies and gave a lot of screen time to side characters as well. Pascal gets two episodes that are centered on him and he gets his own arcs! He’s a chameleon! And you feel for him as an independent character and Rapunzel’s friend, not just her pet. There are a lot of moments where other citizens of Corona that aren’t part of the main focus of the show get attention as well to a point where the kingdom truly feels populated and the world comes alive off the screen. It’s truly moving to watch most of those stories develop.

A little complaint I have would be with Rapunzel’s parents. The focus on them wasn’t bad–not at all–it just wasn’t enough. To be fair, I was actually surprised that they even touched on them but when you truly examine how they did, it just isn’t enough. We get a look at the trauma of losing a child mostly through Rapunzel’s father who definitely got more screen time than her mother but, ultimately, neither of them feels well developed. You are just not sure who they are as people and it feels unsatisfying precisely because the show tried to focus on them. It just didn’t work out fully.

Other than that, most of the characters just work really well. They all get arcs and go through a lot of character development that makes you attached to them and you really get invested in the story which is great. I genuinely cried a couple of times because I was so touched.

Villains

The villains might just be my biggest issue with this series. They have some good minor villains, some cases that are engaging despite the frustration they breed and a couple of villains that are just frustrating in their execution. I’m going to break this down a little to express what I mean.

The main villain of the show is okay but is a little underwhelming. She’s not on screen until season 3 and the thing is that she feels a lot more menacing while she is just a presence that hangs over the main cast rather than she is when she is actually present. (Now this might spoil a little simply because there is no other way to word it) Her servants come off as more menacing than she does. The only time she’s truly pulling her weight is in the finale that I already mentioned was just the right amount of hyped up so that you don’t end up disappointed by it. I was pretty neutral about her and liked her more when she was just an incorporeal tale the heroes were hearing about.

There were several minor villains that worked great. They were the right amount of menacing and the show actually allowed itself to go into pretty dark territory with some of them. Most left lasting consequences for the main cast of heroes and were just all around perfect. The thing that I have an issue with is all (and those are several) the villains that switched over to the good side because it never felt executed correctly. It was either rushed or not well motivated. The writers of the show were making a point about how kindness can touch any kind of person but it still felt forced and not focused on enough. All of these cases would have benefited from a bit more time for the change to happen.

There are two villains in the series that are particularly frustrating when it comes to that because with them changing morality was like flipping a switch. With the first one both the good-to-bad and bad-to-good changes were just not motivated enough and were ramped up to eleven. It just leaves you thinking “You should go to sleep and then you’d calm down” but instead he ended up nearly getting dozens of people killed just because he couldn’t think to count to ten. And in the other case, the switch to the side of evil was definitely motivated in insecurities that were festering over time but the flip-flopping between good and evil was just really annoying and didn’t feel like it was grounded in particular thought or even emotion. It was just happening because the plot demanded it which was extremely jarring after two and a half seasons of a character driven show. And despite the clearly overtaking insecurities, watching this character make some of her choices is unbelievably frustrating because they just don’t make sense. No matter how hurt she is, she is just acting like she either is unable to think or like she doesn’t care about anyone but herself which clashes with the moments in which she is considering going back to the side of good. It is baffling and the worst point of the writing in any aspect.

Relationship Drama

Or rather the lack of anything I would describe as relationship drama aka unfounded jealousy and wild miscommunication that would take half a minute of intelligent conversation to be resolved. I was so pleasantly surprised by the way the relationship between Rapunzel and Eugine was handled. They are both supportive of each other and forgive mistakes. They talk about their feelings and resolve conflict whenever it arises. They trust each other even when it appears that the situation doesn’t warrant that. It is just a healthy relationship that is absolutely heart-warming and adorable to watch.

I am especially thrilled about the fact that they brought up Rapunzel rejecting Eugine’s marriage proposal in Before Ever After and touched on how it would feel to a girl who’s spent her whole life confined to one place to be thinking of settling down (not ideal since in a way it implied that marriage is a trap or at least boring and would cut off your opportunity for adventure but at least they talked about it). And I am especially pleased that they gave the characters time to explore their relationship and also explored the idea of them being in one without being engaged. Really, the message that you can love someone and still not be ready to get engaged is valuable and not something I would expect from a story about a Disney princess.

Some more highlights to talk about and some minor spoilers (don’t read if you don’t want to know more) – they explore how Rapunzel inspires Eugine to be better but it isn’t framed as her being his only salvation. It is framed exactly as what it is – Eugine seeing Rapunzel’s kindness and deciding that he wants to be better for himself and for her, too. I really appreciated that. They also have this episode in which Rapunzel and Eugine have to play parents and I liked the way it was handled. It truly felt like they have the connection between them to support a family and raise children but they are not in a rush and that goes back to the idea that they don’t need to get engaged and married if they don’t feel ready even though they might appear ready.

Lore

I loved the lore of the series. There is a lot more we learn about Corona as well as Rapunzel and the abilities of her hair. There is more information about the world and the surroundings of both the characters and Corona as a kingdom. We get a great expansion of the fantasy element of the world as well as the history and politics of it and I was immersed in the way it made the story and the characters richer. The show is doing its own thing and it is following whatever has already been established about the world and building on it in order to make both the story more compelling and to answer questions that have been raised in the movies without being answered. It’s doing quite well on that front.

Originality

A lot of times I would think that we are going down the route of a certain trope but then they’d put a fresh spin on it or at least a new angle that isn’t usually brought up and made the story that much more engaging. The show dealt with some serious topics that I never would have expected from a Disney princess property. They actually explore Rapunzel grappling with the responsibility that will fall on her shoulders once she’s queen of Corona and it was done in a very realistic and honest–even raw–way. Definitely not something you think you’ll find in the show when you sit down to watch it. There were certainly some cliches and moments that I wish they could have subverted the tropes they were using, but overall, I was often surprised by the way they handled the matter they were writing about.

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel #eugene fitzherbert #review #thoughts

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dumbkiri · 4 years

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Hypnotic You

Second Series for Jason Todd

Request: Mixing up requests I got in submissions.

Summary: [Name] has to come to terms that she really isn’t a fighter yet. Her mother, Diana Prince, left her in the care of Batman to help [Name] fight or at least learn how. Jason and [Name] have been partners for a long time and he is her mentor. But that all changes when he requests to go back to his team, The Outlaws. [Name] feels that she is left behind and comes across a new friend.

But this new friend of hers is another enemy of the Justice League and a sworn enemy of her mother’s. [Name]’s body is resistant to some magic, but when Hecate awakens her godly form, is she able to control her dormant powers?

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem! Reader

Genre: Mystery, Drama, Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 2.5k, 6 pgs

WARNING(S): NONE???

The sun shined brightly onto Gotham City providing light and warmth in the cold season of Winter. The snow that piled up from last night's storm was gradually melting under the bright star. And [Name] witnessed the frost on her living room windows going away.

She watched her neighbors do their daily routine of mowing their luscious green grass. Their kids had the job of taking out the trash and recycling. The mother would usually watch on holding their newborn baby or she was wiping her hands on a dish rag. [Name] turned away from the normal scene and glued her eyes on the TV.

"In Today's news, Batman and Robin had stopped another criminal last night. Despite the storm, the caped vigilantes stopped the Riddler from robbing one of Gotham's finest jewelry stores. The Riddler is now being sent to Gotham--"

[Name] turned the TV off knowing that the Riddler would just escape again from wherever he's being sent to. She stayed on her couch for a while and enjoyed snuggling with her warm blanket that she got out of the dryer. Her eyes closed in happiness and she began to wonder in her land of dreams. That was until there was a knock at her front door.

She grumbled in annoyance and got up from the couch. [Name]’s sock covered feet carried her to the door and she opened it with a kind smile. There standing on her porch was her best friend and partner, Jason Todd. He was wearing his signature red hoodie with black jeans and black adidas. He stuffed his hands into his hoodie and sighed, “Are you gonna invite me in?”

[Name] snapped out of her trance and opened the door more to let him in. She watched as he relaxed and walked into her house. He took his shoes off by her door where her own shoes were placed. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” She asked and walked in front of him to stop him from entering her kitchen.

“I’m hungry,” He responded and took his hands from his hoodie. He placed his cold fingers on her exposed waist and moved her aside. [Name] recoiled from his touch and giggled, “You should warm your hands up. Oh, I’ll make you hot chocolate!”

Jason stayed silent and watched [Name] run into her kitchen. He chuckled when he saw that she struggled to reach her mugs on the top shelf. But after a few seconds, she managed to get them. “I said I was hungry, not thirsty,” Jason grumbled and sat in the barstools at the kitchen island. [Name] stopped pouring the hot chocolate and looked at him, “Do you not want any?”

“Let’s go grab a bite.” Jason asked suddenly.

“Are you asking me out to eat breakfast with you?” [Name] looked at him questioningly.

Jason sighed and walked over to her. He grabbed the mug filled with hot chocolate topped with cool whipped cream. He took a sip and relished the hot drink entering his freezing body. “I am asking you to eat breakfast with me,” He replied after setting the cocoa down on the granite counter.

[Name] smiled and grabbed a napkin from the kitchen island. She wiped Jason’s mouth to get rid of the whipped cream. She made eye contact with the male and laughed, “Yes, I’ll go eat with you, Todd, so stop your glaring.” [Name] walked away and threw the napkin into the trash. “Gimme five minutes to get dressed.”

It took her longer than five minutes to get dressed, but Jason wasn’t going to ruin her perfect mood. He looked at her outfit and he took notice how she wore gloves and a scarf. “What?” [Name] interrupted his thoughts and placed her hands on her hips, “I’m not going out there freezing my butt off like you, okay?”

Jason raised his hands up and looked away, “I wasn’t going to say anything about your fashion choices. It’s a smart idea to bundle up, I don’t want anybody blaming me if you get sick.”

“You really do care for me,” [Name] softly said and Jason scoffed, turning to the front door. He opened it and walked out. He was going to ignore her comment about how he felt toward her. Jason wasn't’ sure himself. There were days he wanted to shoot her because of her rash decisions of saving a petty criminal. Yet there were days he had the strong urge to protect her from those petty criminals. “I’ll buy breakfast!” [Name] shouted as she locked her front door.

……

“The reason why I brought you here was because we need to talk,” Jason lit a cigarette and before he could inhale the deadly toxins, [Name] was quick enough to snatch it from him.

“Smoking isn’t allowed in here and I want to enjoy my breakfast before we get kicked out.” She smiled at him kindly.

Jason grumbled under his breath as he watched the female put out the cigarette in her empty glass half filled with ice. He crossed his arms over his chest and began speaking, “I requested that we change partners or back to our original teams. Now I don’t want you to interrupt me because I need you to listen to my reasons.” Jason’s blue eyes connected with her [e.color] eyes.

[Name] remained quiet waiting for his reasons. She stopped messing with the crayons she got from the host and paid Jason her undivided attention.

“I feel as though I need to work with my team, The Outlaws, more than Batman’s sidekick. Roy said he needs some help with the team and that they’re breaking without my leadership. I am also needed on higher stake missions and not burglars who steal money from an ATM.”

“He didn’t just steal money from an ATM. He was stealing from homeless people!” [Name] whispered-yelled. She was a bit frustrated about Jason’s choice.

“Hey, I told you to not interrupt me,” Jason scolded and continued his explanation. His stare softened and his body slowly relaxed into a vulnerable state. “I’m needed with my team, [Name]. I helped you with a lot of your training and I believe you already make a fine Batgirl. You don’t need me anymore.”

“Yes, I do,” [Name] spoke up, not caring that she didn’t let him finish, “You help me make those hard decisions. You sometimes influence me, but most importantly you make me decide what I want to do. I never really had that choice with Batman and Robin. You help me a lot in those times, in our missions.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose, “Those aren’t missions, [Name]. I get it, you entered the fighting scene a little too late. But what Batman has us doing, what he has you doing is nothing compared to what I used to do with my team. We take down guys like Sionis. We take down actual criminals with dangerous agendas.”

[Name] felt small in her seat.

“And to be frank, I’m tired of dealing with those petty criminals. I want the real deal. I want to go back to my team,” Jason finished.

[Name] swallowed the lump in her throat, “Then be with your team, Jason. No one is going to stop you.”

Jason stared at her and was baffled by her response, “You-- Why are you not stopping me?” He was 100% positive that she was going to throw a royal fit. But here she was surprising him.

[Name] pushed her plate of food away from her kid’s menu. She grabbed a red crayon and began doodling. Her attention was divided now and it was because she needed a distraction. She could no longer stare in his gunmetal eyes anymore. “You said you needed your team and that they needed you. Why would I stop you if you want to leave?”

“I don’t know, I thought you would have put up a bigger fight. It’s what you would usually do.” Jason replied back and watched her aimlessly draw on her kids menu. He didn’t know what she was trying to draw and honestly he didn’t care. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he quickly looked at who was calling him. It was Roy Harper.

[Name] pretended she wasn’t looking, but she noticed how Jason didn’t hesitate to answer the call. She put her crayon down and raised her hand in the air to call the waitress. Their waitress came by with a pretty smile. “Can I have the check please?” [Name] warmly asked with her own smile. The waitress nodded her head and handed the check to which [Name] handed back cash. “Keep the change.”

Jason watched [Name]’s interactions with the waitress carefully. He noticed the front she was putting up. After all, he spent a long time with her to notice how she was doing. He focused back on the call and listened to Roy’s words. Apparently, Sionis was still in the game while in prison. It meant that the criminal had connections inside the prison to make deals outside. Jason wanted to shoot himself twenty times right about now.

[Name] waited patiently for Jason to end the call, so they can have a proper goodbye. It was rude to leave while he was on the call, but it was also rude to answer the phone when he was having a conversation with her. Yet [Name] didn’t have the confidence to communicate with him. It wouldn’t matter anyways because they were no longer going to work together. Maybe that is why [Name] felt so sad. She was growing attached to the male even if they did have their downs.

“I got it, Harper,” Jason said with the roll of his eyes, “We’ll talk about it more later and plan from there. Alright, see you guys later.” He ended the call and gave a curt nod to [Name]. “Roy called about--”

[Name] waved him off and laughed, “Spare me the details and go get the bad guy.”

Jason sighed and gestured to her with his hands, “You’re mad.”

“I’m upset,” [Name] truthfully said with a shrug of her shoulders. Her eyes were downcasted to examine her scramble of a drawing. “I thought of us as a team, you know? So being sent back to a dynamic duo like Batman and Robin kind of makes me feel-- I don’t know,” [Name] laughed and looked up at him. She waved her hands side to side, “I don’t know what I’m talking about now, my words are going to be scrambled soon if we keep talking.”

[Name] put her wallet back in her purse and flipped the straps on her shoulder. She was collecting her things. She scooted to the edge of the booth and stood up, “But thank you for teaching me the ropes and other important things. I’ll catch you on the flipside.” [Name] turned her back on Jason and hurried to exit the restaurant. She was really digging herself into a hole back there.

“Catch you on the flipside? God, what was I thinking?” [Name] scolded herself and lightly hit the side of her head with her palm. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” She helplessly muttered as she walked further away from the restaurant. [Name] walked past some people going about their business and easily dodged the shoulders of people not paying attention to their surroundings. She was surprised that she was able to notice the people around her when her mind was plagued with questions.

At this point, [Name] wanted to be home and enjoy her hot chocolate for real this time. If Jason really requested for her to go back with Batman then the caped crusader will call her if she soon. "I should go pick up Blue from the pet store. Ah, I forgot my poor baby had an appointment today,” [Name] hailed a taxi and got into the backseat while telling the driver where to go.

“Rough mornin’, miss?” The taxi driver asked looking into the rearview mirror.

[Name] gave him a small smile, “You can say that.”

The taxi driver whistled with his clapped lips. They seemed to bleed a little meaning that he was picking at the skin of his bottom lip recently. “The storm must have hit yer area hard or somethin’ if ya ain’t smilin’. The kids ‘round here are havin’ a field day! Throwin’ snowballs and jus’ havin’ some normal fun! Ya should join ‘em, put a pretty smile back on ya face, y’know?”

“I will when I pick up my dog from his appointment. Blue would love the snow and I’m sure the kids would love him,” [Name] replied looking out the window. She watched the buildings she recognized pass by with a blur. Then she averted her attention to the taxi driver. She noticed a purple ring surrounding his irises before it disappeared.

The taxi driver cleared his throat and clenched the steering wheel tighter, “He must've really hurt yer feelings.”

“Excuse me?” [Name] swallowed and stared at the man with a new sense of curiosity and suspicion. She scooted to the edge of her seat and asked again, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I said he must’ve hurt yer feelings. Especially if ya have that sad look in yer eyes like someone ran o’er yer dog. What’s his name?” The taxi driver tilted his head to the side and a large pop resonated in the taxi.

Uncomfortable, [Name] leaned her back into the cushion of her seat. Her lips parted in uncertainty, “He’s only a friend and there’s no reason for you to know his name. You’re a stranger.”

“I’m more than jus’ a stranger, darlin’,” The taxi driver answered quickly. The car came to a stop and [Name] opened the door. She almost forgot to pay the man, but he stopped her with a creepy smile on his face.

“No need to pay me, girl,” He said and leaned over the passenger seat, “I want ya to know somethin’.”

[Name] got out of the car and closed the door. She bent down to listen to him talk though. She didn’t know why she was staying any longer with this weirdo. Yet her curiosity wasn’t quenched, not now. “She’s always watchin’ ya. Said somethin’ about awakening yer true potential.”

“Thank you for the ride, sir,” [Name] dismissed his words and ran into the pet store where she felt somewhat safe. She picked her phone from her purse and dialed Jason’s number hoping he would pick up as quickly as he did for Roy. It rang twice then went straight to voicemail. Might as well tell him what happened to her.

“Hey, Jason, I called to tell you the strangest thing that happened to me. This taxi driver gave me the weirdest ride ever. I-- He knew that I talked to you? Actually, he doesn’t know you, but I don’t know. It was the oddest thing that’s ever happened. He knew what I was feeling. I mean he knew-- Whatever, just give me a call back?” She said with nervousness, “He said someone was watching me. I have to hear some advice from you.”

She ended the call there and perked up at her dog barking happily. She hoped that the taxi driver was only crazy and that what he said wasn’t true. [Name] has enough to worry about.

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cherry-valentine · 3 years

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Fall 2020 Anime Season:

Golden Kamuy Season 3 is, so far, just as good as the first two seasons. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, it follows a former soldier called “Immortal Sugimoto” (nicknamed so for his tendency to survive a lot of shit that would kill most people) and a young Ainu (the Japanese equivalent of Native Americans) girl as they search Northern Japan (and even parts of Russia) for hidden Ainu gold. The story is pretty wild, with threats coming from the wildlife and the harsh, snowy conditions as often as from mercenaries, assassins, and various other human dangers. The cast has expanded enough that we have several separate groups of cool, well-written characters roaming about (and they’ve shuffled a bit from season two, making their interactions very interesting). Sugimoto remains one of my favorite anime protagonists. He’s one of the more brutal, violent main characters I’ve seen, but, strangely, also one of the nicest. He’s kind to innocents (both people and animals) but will slaughter his enemies without hesitation. He’s also pretty funny. Then again, almost every character is subject to the show’s weird but endearing humor. It’s very hard to dislike any character, even the ones who are quite cruel. The show is also notable for having a lot of homoerotic subtext. The beefy, handsome men sure do love taking their clothes off and wrestling. Like, taking it ALL off. Multiple times per season. Yeah. Watch this show, everybody.

Ikebukuro West Gate Park is a new show this season that I was initially interested in because it reminded me of Durarara!! in that it’s set in Ikebukuro and features color gangs. That’s where the similarities end, however. Whereas Durarara!! had tons of supernatural elements and just plain craziness, IWGP is more realistic by comparison. The show follows Makoto, a seemingly normal guy who seems to function in a sort of “odd jobs” type of role for a color gang called the G Boys. While they’re a gang, they don’t seem like criminals or thugs, or even delinquents. They really feel more like a club, held together by their respect for the leader referred to as King. So far the series seems to be episodic in nature, with most stand-alone episodes focusing on some sort of social issue, from drug addiction to immigration. It’s interesting to see these issues presented in such a sympathetic light, viewed through the lens of Tokyo’s youth. The art is nice, with varied character designs and animation that’s just good enough that you don’t notice the problems very often. The music is a highlight, with my favorite opening theme of the season and one of the better ending themes.

Magatsu Wahrheit is a show I was very iffy on at first. It has a lot of things working against it. It’s based on a video game I’ve never heard of, the opening theme is one of the cheapest, most unimpressive things I’ve ever seen (note: it does improve a few episodes in!), and the series overall has a low budget feel (though nowhere near as bad as Gibiate from last season). But the story is actually very interesting and very well written. The basic premise is that Young Man A (I’m not remembering these weird names, sorry) works as a delivery truck driver in your usual “modern fantasy” setting (kingdoms and monsters and other medieval fantasy trappings alongside trucks and cars and advanced science laboratories). When he’s loading up his deliveries, Young Man B, a fresh recruit in the kingdom’s military and general goody-two-shoes, randomly offers to help Young Man A load his truck. Young Man B spots some boxes off to the side and, assuming they were part of the load, puts them into the truck while Young Man A is talking to his boss. These boxes turn out to be illegal weapons being smuggled by a group of... freedom fighters? I guess? This, in turn, drags Young Man A into a shit storm of trouble when the illegal weapons are discovered in his truck. It also leads directly to tragedy for Young Man B as well, setting them both on wildly different but similarly dangerous paths. The whole idea that a simple act of kindness for a stranger sets off such a terrible series of events is pretty engaging. As it stands in the show right now, Young Man A is the more compelling character. He’s just a truck driver. He’s a coward who runs from danger and wants no part of any of this. But at the same time, he can be surprisingly brave at times (usually when a child is in danger). In a twist on the usual trope, these spurts of bravery are rarely rewarded. At least twice, his decision to act has led to heartbreaking tragedy. So far Young Man B is your typical “idealistic youth realizing the military isn’t comprised entirely of nice people” type of character. As such, he’s just not as interesting. He hasn’t had as much screen time though, so hopefully he’ll grow as a character. I guess it says a lot that I’ve written so much about the show, and almost all of it is about the plot. But the plot is really the only remarkable thing about it. In this case, that’s enough.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni is, well, a bit of a trainwreck. And I’m not necessarily talking about the quality of the show. Let me explain: The show was marketed as a remake of the 2006 anime, which was one of my all-time favorite series. I was pretty excited about it. Lots of new fans who had never watched the original started this one. The first episode was okay. I wasn’t crazy about how shiny everything looked (I realize the original’s visuals are a bit dated now but at least they were unique, this new one looks like pretty much every harem anime from the past five years) but the story seemed to be doing good and I looooooved the use of the original opening theme song as the closer. Then episode two dropped, and the fandom basically exploded. The first few minutes of episode two reveal that this is not a remake, but a sequel! Shock! At first, I was impressed by this little bit of manipulation. It felt exciting to realize the truth. But then it dawned on me (and the rest of the fandom) that new viewers who came to watch this were screwed over. Those first few minutes of episode two spoil some very important things from the original series (we’re talking major spoilers here), and it’s going to ruin a lot of plot points for those who never watched the original and now want to go back and watch it first. So here’s a PSA: If you’re new to Higurashi and want to try this new series, DON’T unless you’re okay with watching a sequel that spoils the original.

Okay, so now let’s talk about this new series/sequel. First, the good points: The ending theme is GORGEOUS. Just... go watch it. Soak it up. The opening isn’t bad but I can’t help comparing it to the far superior original opening. Aside from the overly shiny and generic character designs, the rest of the visuals are pretty great. The scenery in particular is very nice. In terms of story, I like the idea of beginning each new “arc” by staying close to the original story, then throwing in some pretty wild deviations that make them end in completely different ways because a character that lived through the original is trying to make subtle changes (that so far have ended up turning out very badly). When it comes to the bad points, one in particular sticks out: It’s not scary! The original had some truly unsettling moments, and so far this one hasn’t even been creepy. It’s had some moments that obviously tried to be scary but have failed miserably. For example, the early scenes with Rena in the original were actually terrifying. But I felt none of the intensity or creepiness in this sequel. Still, it’s nice to see these characters again and to see how this story deviates as someone tries desperately to change the outcomes.

Haikyuu!! has another new season and... I don’t really know what to say about it. I’ve talked about this show several times now. Looks like this season is going to focus primarily on one long match, a concept I’m not crazy about. They also made the baffling decision to cut in with a full episode about a rival team’s match right in the middle of showing the match with the main team. I mean I love seeing more of the rival teams but it felt disjointed to do it this way. Still yet, it’s a fun and energetic show full of great characters and easily understood volley ball matches.

Jujutsu Kaisen is probably the most hyped up new show this season, and I would say it definitely deserves that hype. It’s a pretty familiar shounen fighting anime setup: A teenage boy acquires special powers and joins a school to train so that he can use those powers for good. However, following that formula does little to negate just how fun and well-done this series is. A lot of people have compared it to Naruto (the protagonist is a vessel for a powerful entity, he joins a trio of characters with a more serious and moody black-haired boy and a chick, and they have a badass teacher with silver hair who keeps his face partially covered). So sure, it’s like Naruto... except it’s much better than Naruto in every conceivable way. The animation and fight choreography are consistently fantastic. The main character is not the least bit annoying. The only chick in the group (there are more cool ladies in the story, just not in this group!) is a badass in her own right and her story and motivations have absolutely nothing to do with romantic interest in any of the guys. Even the teacher character is incredibly fun. The music is great, with my favorite ending theme of the season. You know it’s an excellent ending theme when people start making different versions of it using characters from other shows. It’s so, well, fun. A word I keep using here, because that’s the first word that comes to mind when I’m watching this series.

Talentless Nana is one of those shows that’s going to be difficult for me to talk about without spoiling a very cool surprise. This surprise comes at the end of episode one (basically, the show makes you think it’s about something, but turns out it’s about something completely different). So if you want to really enjoy that surprise, stop reading this and go watch episode one before coming back. If you’ve already watched it or don’t mind having the surprise spoiled, here we go: The first episode sets up the series to be a cheap Boku no Hero Academia knock-off. We have a school of “talented” (super powered) kids training to use their powers to save humanity from (so far) unseen monsters referred to as “the enemies of humanity”. We are told one boy has no “talent” or special power and he’s ridiculed for this. There’s a new transfer student named Nana, a super sweet and cheerful girl with pink hair who has the ability to read minds. There’s also another transfer student, a sullen and quiet boy named Kyouya who hasn’t disclosed what his “talent” is. With that setup, I think a lot of people were ready to dismiss it as “BNHA, but not as good”. But then, a few minutes before the first episode ends, we’re hit with the twist that reveals what this show is really about: Nana is the one with no “talent”. She lied about being able to read minds (the boy we thought had no talent did actually have one). She’s a totally normal human being, and she has been sent to infiltrate the school and kill off the students, the true “enemies of humanity” (called so because their powers make them incredibly dangerous). Thus, the show is about a normal human girl using only her wits and skill in manipulation to kill off super-powered individuals. Watching her work is an absolute delight. She is ruthless and incredibly intelligent, but she does have one major problem: the other transfer student Kyouya, who is at least as smart as she is and is suspicious of her right off the bat. But since he’s not sure she’s up to no good, he can’t really act on his suspicions. Nana in turn knows he suspects her, so she has to be careful around him. As a result, the two become “friends”, constantly watching and outmaneuvering each other. In this way, the series reminds me of the early, best parts of Death Note, with the mental sparring between Light and L. But the most fun you’ll have with this show is watching Nana come up with ways to deal with each new “talent” she comes across, from the ability to time travel to necromancy, all while having no special power of her own. The art is nice, a bit generic, nothing too fancy. The music is great, with one of the better opening themes this season.

Moriarty the Patriot focuses on the classic Sherlock antagonist Professor Moriarty. Let me get this out of the way first: I know next to nothing about Sherlock. I haven’t even watched any of the various tv shows about him. What I know of the character basically comes from mentions of him in Detective Conan. So I’m coming into this series with no preconceived notions about these characters and no other versions to compare them to. Anyway, Moriarty as a series is about class warfare. Moriarty as a character pretty much embodies the phrase “eat the rich”. If you’re familiar with the phrase and understand its meaning, you’ll probably like this show. Moriarty works as a professor, but his side job is as a “Crime Consultant”. He helps the poor lower classes get revenge on the cruel nobles and elites who have wronged them. This revenge most often involves murder. There’s something refreshing about how unapologetic it is. In most anime, the hero tries to find other ways to punish evil than by actually killing them, or there’s some lesson involved about how revenge isn’t the answer or how killing someone who wronged you makes you as bad as them. In this series, there’s absolutely none of that. People get their revenge and, so far as I’ve watched, seem to be living much happier lives afterwards. In this way the show totally avoids being preachy. The art is gorgeous, with classy character designs and lovely backgrounds. There’s a certain lushness to it. The music is very nice as well (particularly that poppy ending theme). The only downside is that this has probably ruined me for watching other versions of these characters now. I mean, once you see them as sexy anime pretty boys, it’s hard to see them as anything else.

Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons:

Black Clover

Best of Season:

Best New Show: Jujutsu Kaisen

Best Opening Theme: Ikebukuro West Gate Park

Best Ending Theme: Jujutsu Kaisen

Best New Male Character: Moriarty (Moriarty the Patriot)

Best New Female Character: Nana (Talentless Nana)

#anime reviews #seasonal anime #fall 2020 anime #anime recommendations #text #jujutsu kaisen #moriarty the patriot #munou na nana #ikebukuro west gate park

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acephysicskarkat · 3 years

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Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5

So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!

This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.

So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.

To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.

Part 1: Redemption

The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked. For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.

Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good. It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.

At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them. Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).

Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it. Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7). It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.

I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.

AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions. SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally. SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.

And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs! I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit. I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually. The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.

Part 2: Forgiveness

For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.

Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child. Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be. At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.

SPOP could never.

"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma. It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed. More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away. Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.

Contrast this to She-Ra S5. The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6). Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).

More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that. Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.

This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.

I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone! Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything. Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back. Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.

(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4). It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.” Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)

3. Salvaging These Plot Points

Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it. So how would I go about it?

Catra

I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape. Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3). If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.

S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”. Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).

S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs. We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode. This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.

Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.

Hordak

The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names. I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release. Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.

I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke. Just one of those personal quirks.

4. Summary

In conclusion:

S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions. It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.

Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!

#s5 salt #spop spoilers #writing thoughts #redemption arcs #forgiveness

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fromzerotoeuphoria · 4 years

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@waywardfacegarden replied to your post:

Couldn’t agree more with this. Honestly, I agree with every single word on here. I feel like most mh shippers think that us rh shippers just ship it because we hate mako or something but i actually love him so much??? and i, in no way, try to undermine mh’s relationship. i always thought it was so cute and soft and tender, since the first ep. i LOVE, absolutely LOVE their friendship. and i think haru DOES care a ton about mako. he does. and they obviously have a special bond, they’ve known each other since so long. they care about each other and their friendship is so sweet?? i love how haru gives mako the fishes in first season and a lot of other moments of them. and i said this in a post when i first watched the first season, but again, like you say, i GET why people ship them. i get it. they’re cute and their relationship is actually pretty good but it just??? i don’t know, what especially got ME to ship rh instead of mh since the very first ep is how clearly DIFFERENT rh’s dynamic was since the very start. how clearly different haru reacts to rin. he becomes ALIVE when he sees him. his eyes, his whole expression just lights up when he sees rin came back. you don’t see haru act like that towards anyone else. SURE, he cares DEEPLY about mako and, like i said, their relationship is special, he holds him dear and it’s clear, but it’s just different with rin. his reactions are always so visceral when it comes to rin, since they were kids. he pretends like he doesn’t care sometimes but it’s so obvious that he does, kid!haru had a crush and no one can tell me otherwise. it’s all over the place. sure, with haru everything is subtle, but the thing that’s so amazing about rh is that you don’t even have to LOOK for it. even when haru is all subtle about his feelings, he always REACTS visceral with rin, and that’s the thing. idk, when i knew mh was more popular than rh it just… baffled me. i was so surprised, because to me, it was always so obvious how their relationship was a LOT more strong friendship-like than rh. and ngl, it’s frustrating for me, too LOL, but i guess we have to live with that.😂😂 everyone has different opinions, and i guess a lot of people are drawn to them bc of the childhood friend trope… tho you also kinda have it on rh but okay😂🤷‍♀️ it just makes me sad how i’ve seen so much hate around from both sides. and i’ve also come across a LOT of mh shippers that keep telling rh shippers “no, you should ship sousuke and rin and mako and haru, that’s how it should be” and it makes me so sad bc ALL ships are valid???? and it just sounds like they’re always trying to invalidate our ship but oh well. [ALSO. SOUSUKE AND RIN’S RELATIONSHIP IS SO PRECIOUS, NOT TALKING ABOUT IT BC I LITERALLY WOULD NEVER SHUT UP, BUT I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM. i fell in love with their friendship since the very first second with their special handshake😂😂😂 i just. have a soft spot for all the samesuka relay team tbh, but maybe that’s bc i’m so in love with rin it’s insane😂😂😂] AND ALSO. FINAL POINT OF ALL MY BABBLING HERE (lol, sorry for invading your post, i just were surprised of how i literally agree with every single word on here) BUT YEAH. KID RIN IS BEST KID/BOY, I LITERALLY WOULD DIE FOR HIM. I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, IT’S RIDICULOUS. I WANT TO PROTECT HIM. I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY. idk, man, i just. could talk about rin and kid!rin for days to no end, oof… literally him and rinharu what got me so hooked with free! tbh… like i didn’t expect to be this invested in free! bc i just watched out of boredom, and 20 minutes later after first ep, i was already hooked bc i was already head-over-heels with rin and rinharu LMAO. what did they do to me, honestly… my love just kept growing… like end of first season was SO SO SO satisfying???? it was so emotional, i cried like the 6 times i watched it in a row, and i felt SO incredibly satisfied???? i’ve rarely felt THAT much and that much satisfaction with an ending before. honestly first season of free is masterpiece. BUT ANYWAYS. SORRY FOR TALKING SO MUCH. I’M SHUTTING UP NOW. HAVE A NICE DAY, FELLOW RINHARU FAN.

The way these comments MADE MY DAY <333

Thank you so much for commenting!! That post was me just rambling out my own thoughts about the two ships, and I originally didn’t plan on sharing it publicly, but since I love reading other people’s posts like that, I figured maybe someone might enjoy mine too 😊 And I’m SO HAPPY you did!! 💜

I said a lot in my previous response to you, so for your sake and for anybody reading I’ll refrain from repeating myself (when it comes to Free! and my thoughts/opinions, I could repeat myself 10000x and not even bat an eye ...but I won’t do that to y’all haha). But YES Makoto is a precious big squish, his friendship with Haru is important, and MakoHaru do care so so much about each other. No sense in trying to undermine that.

BUT THE RINHARU RELATIONSHIP 😩💥🔥🤯😭😭. I LOVE that you used the word visceral, because that’s it EXACTLY. Haru has a visceral reaction to Rin—and vice versa, but the fact that HARU reacts this way is powerfully telling of just how much he feels about Rin. From the very first episode, Haru barely reacted to anything—he was a rather apathetic teen who really only longed to be in the water. But then enter in Rin Matsuoka, and not only does Haru viscerally react whenever Rin is mentioned, but he also has multiple flashbacks of RIn before he even knew Rin was back in the country.

Because Haru doesn’t react this way—so raw and, and you said, viscerally—with anyone else, I just cannot see him not having special feelings for anyone else aside from Rin. It just makes sense, as he never showed these kinds of feelings towards anyone else in his life since the time Rin returned to Australia after their falling out-race. For me, If there really was potential for a reciprocated ship-relationship between Haru and any other character aside from Rin (within the context of Season 1), it would’ve either happened already considering Makoto had been there the entire time and no sparks or flames, or Haru would’ve been so focused on a new character that wasn’t Rin who had newly entered his life (which, as we know, he wasn’t). But no, Haru was so fixated on Rin, it completely baffled Rei, the newcomer to the group, as to why Haruka was so obsessed with Rin. I mean, if that alone doesn’t blatantly confirm that Haru has some pretty strong feelings towards Rin, then idk what to tell folks who are in denial. 🤷🏽‍♀️

KID!RIN IS THE REASON I FELL FOR ADULT RIN. Like, I knew that this bright and dazzling shooting star of a kid was still in Rin somewhere, and since that Rin stole my heart within the first 75 seconds of the anime, by default part of me was stolen by adult Rin, too haha (though ngl, it took like 4 episodes for me to start sympathizing with him, but when I did wooooosh!! XD). AND YES THE WAY I DIED DURING EPISODE 12!!! I literally covered my mouth and was silent-screeching into my hand, waving my other hand wildly in the air, had to pause the video to collect myself multiples times and basically fell apart and lost my mind over the entirety of episode 12 😂 I have my “recap” here if you’re interested in getting a closer look at my subsequent meltdown, haha.

Ugh anyways this got WAY too long (plus by the time I’m actually posting this, we’ve been gushing out essays about this in our dms hahaha, I’m sorry it took so long to post this friggin reply! >_<) so I’ll just cut it here.

#rinharu #harurin #sharkbait #free!#rin matsuoka #haruka nanase #free! iwatobi swim club #long post #free! comment reply #comment reply #i love makoto but not shipped with Haru #anti makoharu #but not anti makoto

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 4 years

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Eccentricity [Chapter 2: You Can Run Around Infinite In My Head]

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make.

Potentially a better love story than Twilight (we’ll let @killer-queen-xo decide when it’s all said and done 😉).

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: Rome by Dermot Kennedy.

Chapter Warnings: Language, mentions of violence.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Tagging: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @killer-queen-xo @maggieroseevans @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! 💜

Missing In Action

I wish she would stop staring at me.

Lucille sat at the Lees’ usual table and apathetically picked through a heaping salad. (Friday was salad bar day, which I appreciated considerably more than the chicken finger obsession that marred Mondays at Calawah University.) Every once in a while, Rami nudged her and Lucille would spear a cherry tomato with her fork and bite it in half with perfectly even, white teeth. But her large blue-green eyes—they reminded me of webs of seaweed tumbling in the cold, frothing La Push waves—always found their way back to me, strangely focused, inquisitive, perhaps accusatory.

Ben probably told them how much he hates me for whatever nebulous reason and now they all hate me too and I’m going to spend the next two years being death-glared by five ridiculously attractive and somewhat incestuous foster kids.

Chemistry was a three times a week class. Ben hadn’t shown on Wednesday, and I was 99% sure he would skip again today. I spotted him around campus periodically, always from a distance: dropping quarters into a vending machine, clandestinely vaping behind dorm buildings (what self-respecting pre-med student VAPES?!!), browsing YouTube videos in the library next to a tower of unopened textbooks, biology and chem and physics and calculus. He wasn’t home, he wasn’t sick; there was no attempt made to construct any sort of pretext. He was patently avoiding me.

I stabbed moodily at the serrated disks of cucumber in my salad. Jessica was blathering away about the latest season of The Bachelor and ranking the contestants’ eyebrows from best to worst. “...Like seriously, has she never heard of microblading?!”

“For real,” Angela offered, not especially invested but forever a good sport.

Lucille’s eyes settled on me again as she sipped a cup of steaming tea, staring until her forehead crinkled with the effort, staring hard, almost leering.

“What’s her problem?” I muttered.

Jessica shot a glance towards the Lee table and slurped her Sprite. The great mystery surrounding her potential Mormon-ness persisted. “Who? Lucy?”

Only Lucille’s friends called her Lucy. Jessica, a shameless aspiring socialite, presumed she was everybody’s friend unless they explicitly informed her otherwise, which of course no one ever did.

“Yeah,” I answered glumly.

“Maybe it’s your dress.”

“My dress? What’s wrong with my dress?”

Jessica wrinkled her nose and surveyed me as if I were a bug, and not a cute bug like a roly-poly bug or The Very Hungry Caterpillar or whatever. Like a really hideous bug. Like one of those spider-cricket hybrid things that hopped straight out of a hell dimension and into the dark, drippy corners of your basement. “It’s, like, very 1960s. But not in a sexy Woodstock way. In a ‘I’m about to join a hippie murder cult’ way.”

“I got it at TJ Maxx. It was on sale.”

Jessica snorted. “Probably for a reason.”

“That’s it. I’m giving all the hippies in my new murder cult your address.”

She and Angela laughed. Mike and Eric, the missing pieces of our daily lunch puzzle, were preoccupied with a campus protest to convert fried fish day (Thursdays) into tacos day. I sympathized with their efforts, but didn’t feel that my one-week tenure as a Calawah University student gave me much right to go around overhauling the dining hall schedule.

“I doubt she’s actually offended by a dress,” Angela said, nibbling on French fries that shed grains of salt like snowflakes.

Jessica sighed dreamily. “But Lucy’s just so fashionable...and that accent...” She drifted off into some daydream which began—I could only assume—with Lucy’s invitation to go shopping together and concluded with marrying Ben on some lush tropical island in the South Pacific.

Lucille was definitely fashionable, especially today: short black dress with sheer sleeves that ran to her fragile wrists, black polka dot tights, black heeled oxfords, dangling ruby earrings like beads of blood. She would have blended in perfectly at Paris Fashion Week. Rami was wearing a cardigan and khakis, per usual; Joe was in dark fitted jeans and a roomy U Chicago hoodie despite the fact that Forks was at minimum a thirty-four hour drive from the Windy City. What did Angela say his major was? Finance? No, Mathematical Economics. So he’s probably aiming at Chicago for an MBA or Econ PhD someday. Angela had told me that Joe was wicked smart. He better be if he’s entertaining fantasies of grad school at the University of Chicago.

Scarlett had come straight from Fencing Club and was wearing bright pink yoga pants and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out, sprinkling Hot Cheetos into her open mouth, her blonde hair secured in a tight French braid. You know those girls who are so irrationally, gluttonously, unfairly beautiful that it doesn’t seem possible the genetic lottery could spit out so many winning numbers at once, and you comfort yourself with the certainty that there must be some set of circumstances that would level the playing field—I bet she looks like anyone else without all that makeup, she just has a really good sense of style and knows how to maximize her assets, there are definitely some goofy oversized ears hiding beneath that hair and that’s why she always wears it down—and then one day you run into them wearing sweatpants and a ponytail in the tampon aisle at Walmart and they’re still so perfect it stings you, baffles you, makes you feel like there must have been some divergence in the evolutionary chain because there’s no freaking way you’re the same species? Yeah, Scarlett was one of those girls. Scarlett was the queen of those girls.

Ben was conspicuously absent from the table.

Scarlett’s pink leopard-print iPhone rang and she answered. “Hello?” She turned to Joe. “Dad says you left your phone at home. Do you need it?”

Joe was gnawing his way through his third slice of pepperoni pizza. “No, I’m good, thanks though.”

Scarlett relayed the message. “Dad says he’s going to bring it by just in case.”

“Oh my god, ScarJo, I’m fine! Tell him not to!”

“Dad says he doesn’t trust you and he’s going to be here in fifteen minutes. He’s also bringing the Game Theory homework you left by the hot tub.”

Joe groaned and rolled his lively dark eyes as Rami grinned at him; Lucille was still watching me and entirely oblivious.

“Isn’t it weird that Ben and Lucille have accents?” I asked Jessica. “That they’re from the U.K.? I didn’t think fostering kids was an international thing.”

“It’s not that weird. Dr. Lee is British too. Maybe there’s some kind of exchange system, I don’t know. But you know what I do know?”

“What?” Now my interest was piqued.

She smiled. “That the British accents are hot.”

“Ugh,” I exhaled involuntarily.

“Please get a hobby,” Angela begged Jessica. “Start a YouTube channel. Make care packages for orphans. Grow marijuana. Adopt a cat. I have a shift at the animal shelter this Sunday morning, you want to come with me?”

“Sorry, can’t. I have a temple thing.”

Temple on Sunday. The mystery is solved. She’s a Mormon for sure. I mentally resolved not to let her set me up with anyone unless I was still single on Valentine’s Day. Which, obviously, assuming I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, I will be.

I gathered up my trash and slung my backpack over my shoulder. “Okay, well this has been a bizarre lunch to be completely honest, and now I have to go to Chemistry so I’ll see you later and hopefully we can brainstorm some more alternatives to Jessica’s current life trajectory on Monday. Because I am not looking forward to being a bridesmaid in these impending Lee nuptials.”

“Oh please!” Jessica lamented. “He doesn’t even know I exist. You, on the other hand...”

I scoffed. “Yeah, he wants to kill me. I truly have a gift.”

They waved as I left. I could feel Lucille’s eyes on me until I reached the door.

Sure enough, Ben wasn’t in Chemistry. I tried not to notice. I drew my atoms, wrote my equations, took my notes diligently and in my favorite sky blue ink. But I felt the emptiness in the chair next to me like a black hole, like an immense and dragging weight, like a snag in the fabric of all those interwoven strands of physics that orchestrate the universe like an immortal puppeteer. Why can’t I forget this guy? Why do I still feel like I’ve met him before?

Halfway through class, I hauled my emergency sweatshirt out of my backpack and pulled it on over my dress, floral and flowing and golden yellow like the sun, the sun that never shines here in Forks. I had liked it plenty under the florescent lights of the fitting room at TJ Maxx, and I had still liked it this morning; but Jessica’s words hummed around in my skull like wasps. The zipper of the sweatshirt was broken, but it accomplished the task of obscuring my dress well enough.

After Chemistry, I journeyed to the campus library to find a book I was supposed to read and present for a different class. I looked it up in the computer catalogue, spent an embarrassingly long time trying to figure out how the Dewey Decimal System works, eventually wound up finding the book on the highest floor of the library...and, to add a little extra peril to the mission, on the highest shelf. The book mocked me from its lofty, unattainable stronghold. The title was embossed in gold letters down the crimson spine. The Walruses And Me: A Transformative Experience. Idiotic title, I’m aware. It’s about some marine biologist who spent months alone in the Arctic studying the lifecycles of walruses. A noble pursuit, sure, but still a terrible title.

There wasn’t a chair or stepstool in sight. I tested my weight by stepping up onto the second-lowest shelf. The metal immediately squealed and shifted in protest. I retreated back down to the carpet, defeated by gravity. I scowled up at the book and sighed melodramatically. Ugh.

“Need something?”

I spun around to see Joe in his University of Chicago hoodie and pale flawless skin and intangible magnetism, that bewildering trademark Lee ethereality. I instinctively crossed my arms, clutching the sleeves of my sweatshirt, shrinking inwards like a startled armadillo in the Arizona desert.

“Are you, uh, anemic...?” he ventured.

“Oh no, I’m not cold. I’m just trying to hide my dress. My friend said it was too hippie-murder-cult 1960s.”

I figured he’d laugh, make a snide comment, maybe just blink in confusion. Instead, he glimpsed down at my dress—what could still be seen of it, anyway—and shook his head. “The neckline isn’t right for the 60s. And you seem like you’ve showered at least once in the past two weeks, so definitely not a hippie.”

I smiled, completely unexpectedly. “I didn’t realize Econ majors knew anything about leftist counterculture.”

“Disparaging it is our favorite pastime. Are you trying to get a book or are you just disrespecting university property for entertainment?”

I pointed. “The big red one.”

“The Walruses And Me...?”

“I know, it’s a horrible title. Not my personal preference. It’s for a class.”

“Bestiality 101?”

“Good guess. Marine Mammals.”

“Ahhh.” He glanced up and down the aisle, tapped his chin with agile fingers, pondered something I wasn’t privy to. “Turn around for a second.”

“What? Why?”

He waved his hand mysteriously in front of his grinning face. “It’s a magic trick. I’m going to make your problem disappear.”

“You can’t climb that,” I warned. “You’ll fall and break your neck. Or you’ll knock the whole shelf over and cause a tragic domino effect and the university will withhold your diploma until you pay them restitution.”

“I’m extremely athletic.”

“Are you sure?” I appraised him with exaggerated skepticism for comedic effect. “My dad refers to you only as the spindly annoying Lee.”

Oh my god, WHY did I say that?

Now he would definitely hate me. Now I’d have two mortal enemies on one campus. I mentally calculated how humiliating it would be to transfer to some Florida college, any Florida college, after only one week at Calawah. Hi mom, yeah I’m coming to live with you and Paul, a gang of hot pasty foster kids wants to slaughter me.

Instead, Joe threw back his head and cackled wildly. A librarian—mid-fifties, angry red hair from out of a box, fuzzy cat sweater—glared into the aisle and shushed him.

“Chief Swan...he actually...he calls me that? Really?!” Joe managed, wiping his leaking eyes. “That’s hilarious. I’m so glad my life is in his hands. Okay seriously, turn around.”

“Why would you help me?” I asked suspiciously.

“That’s just what I do. I’m a friendly guy.”

“This friendliness must not run in the family.”

Again, Joe’s cheerful demeanor didn’t falter. “You mean Ben? Forget about Ben, he hates everyone. Don’t take it personally.” Then he added: “Plus, as I’m sure you know, we’re not biologically related. No overlapping genetic material whatsoever. I didn’t get the male supermodel gene, he didn’t get the irresistibly charming gene, life’s not fair but the world keeps spinning.”

“It sure does,” I agreed softly. Unexpected wisdom from my new favorite Lee. I turned away from him. “Fine, I’m not looking, go ahead and dazzle me with your supernatural friendliness—”

“Done.”

“What?” I whirled around. Joe held The Walruses And Me in his hand. “How...did you...?!”

He passed me the book as I sputtered incoherently. “I told you. Magic trick.”

“I don’t....?!” I gawked up at the top shelf, at Joe, back to the top shelf. Sure enough, the space where The Walruses And Me once lived was now just a vacant slit in the row of dusty books. How could he have climbed up there that quickly? How could I not have heard anything? “The shelves didn’t even creak,” I murmured shakily.

“Yes, well, that’s due to my conveniently spindly physique.” Joe winked. “Any other problems I can help you solve at the moment, Baby Swan?”

“No. And don’t call me Baby Swan, or I’ll push this whole bookshelf over and tell the feisty librarian lady you did it.”

“That’s cold, ma’am.”

I liked that Joe didn’t make me feel like Ben did: unworthy, unloved, infuriating. Joe made me feel something else, something lighthearted, casual, buoyant; like the world didn’t have anything in it worth worrying about, regretting, agonizing over. Like unadulteratedly myself was all I ever needed to be.

I heard a muted buzz and Joe slid his iPhone out of his jeans pocket. Dr. Lee must have successfully delivered it. “Whoops, I forgot that Ordinary Differential Equations existed. Got to go. See ya.”

“Bye,” I replied. And then Joseph Lee was gone, very quickly, a little too quickly, the same way that Ben had vanished on that first afternoon after Chemistry.

Forks is weird. Calawah University is weird. And the Lee kids are super fucking weird.

Long Walks On The Beach

“Can I ask you a random question?”

“You just paid me $100 for an oil change that took fifteen minutes. You can ask me anything you want.” He grinned, flashing bright teeth and deep dimples.

It was Saturday afternoon. I had shoveled down a Chipotle veggie bowl as Archer changed the 1999 Accord’s oil in a small garage with a cracked concrete floor and the searing pungency of gasoline fumes thick in the air. He had apprenticed all through high school and rented his own shop after graduation. Archer now had a loyal clientele that encompassed virtually the entire Quileute reservation and a growing chunk of Forks...including Charlie and me, of course. Archer was the only child of Larry Foxchild—Charlie’s best friend since they worked together at Dairy Queen as teenagers—and the closest thing to a son my dad would ever have. I guess that made him like a brother to me, something that seemed intuitive now that I’d thought of it.

After the Accord was serviced we drove it down to La Push to walk on the beach, climb the salt-lashed rocks, toss pebbles into the roiling surf, reprise our childhood enthusiasm for poking dead washed-up marine creatures with shards of driftwood.

“Do you know anything about the Lees?” I asked Archer, investigating a deceased green shore crab.

His brow furrowed. He looked so serious like that, suddenly so much like Larry: the same tan skin, jet black hair, umbral eyes like oil wells, strong jaw overlaid with the stubbled shadow of a beard. We really aren’t kids anymore, are we? “The doctor and his kids?”

“Yeah. The foster kids. They’re really pale and strange and half of them are British.”

Archer chuckled. “I know who you mean. They’re hard to miss.”

“Are they...” Just eccentric rich people? Traumatized from abusive childhoods? Government experiments? CIA agents? Secret murderers? The image of Ben in that first Chemistry class came roaring back to me, including the adjective that had flashed red behind my eyes like an emergency exit sign: fierce. Finally, I decided: “Dangerous?”

Now Archer full-on laughed, gripping his belly, shaking his head. Drops of saltwater flew from his short hair. “Seriously?!” he exclaimed. “Come on, they’re freaks but they’re not, like...that kind of freaks.”

“Are you sure?” I was starting to feel better already. Of course they’re not actual demons, you fucking idiot. This is Washington, not The Twilight Zone or Black Mirror. Not goddamn American Horror Story.

“Yeah.” Archer skipped a grey pebble over the water, something I’d never been able to do. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know them all that well. They usually keep to themselves. But I’ve never heard anything bad about any of the kids. And everyone respects Dr. Lee and appreciates him for taking the pay cut to come to some bumblefuck town like Forks. He’s insanely highly credentialed, has degrees from Harvard or Yale or somewhere like that. Super impressive. We’re lucky to have him. I definitely sleep better at night knowing he’ll be the one to fix me up if I ever get a few fingers ripped off on the job.”

“Don’t even say that. Then who would I grossly overpay for oil changes?”

Archer smiled, then sobered as he peered out over the Pacific Ocean.

“What?” I asked, feeling a plummeting in my guts like primal fear.

“Well...okay, so there is one thing that’s always bothered me. You remember Grandpa Foxchild?”

“Yeah, of course.” He had been an impossibly ancient man with long grey braided hair, a low rumbly voice, gnarled arthritic hands, ceaseless wrinkles. I remembered Charlie calling me when he passed away last spring. Renee and I had picked out a flower arrangement to send to the funeral.

“So,” Archer said slowly, like he was still puzzling it out himself. “Grandpa used to say things like ‘That Dr. Lee has been around a long time.’ Which of course makes no sense, the Lees moved here like two years ago. And I’d tell Grandpa that, but he completely ignored me. He would just keep repeating it. ‘That Dr. Lee shouldn’t still be here.’ ‘That Dr. Lee should go on home to where he came from.’ ‘That Dr. Lee isn’t right.’ Creepy shit like that. My dad and I always assumed it was the dementia talking, but...I don’t know. It just bothered me. Because Grandpa...he wasn’t just being gossipy or suspicious. He was angry. And he was afraid. Grandpa was at Guadalcanal and Iwo Jima and he would talk about that no problem, mention landmines or flesh melting off a soldier’s face like it was nothing. He was a tough guy. Immeasurably tough, I’ll never be half the man he was. But if you mentioned the Lees, Grandpa got scared. Why the hell would he be so scared of them?”

I didn’t have an answer for him, not a single word. I just stared at Archer, my eyes growing huge, my heart sprinting, blood pounding in my ears. He knew. Grandpa Foxchild knew there was something off about them, and now I know it too. I don’t know how I know, but I do.

Archer tittered nervously. “Anyway, that was genuinely disturbing. But like I said. It was probably just the dementia.”

“What if it wasn’t?”

“It had to be,” he insisted. “There’s no other logical explanation.”

“I guess,” I agreed, scooping up the green shore crab corpse with my bare hands. I hurled it out into the waves, imagined it sinking through murky water and suspended grains of sand, the body settling into prehistoric silt, the scavengers descending upon it, the inescapable wheel of birth and death and resurrection through those who unwittingly carry our atoms with them into the next generation, into the perpetual future.

That night my dreams were full of pale skin and scorching eyes, Ben and Joe and Rami, Lucille and Scarlett, crashing waves, cold water and bleached bones; and Grandpa Foxchild’s mistrustful refrain: That Dr. Lee has been around a long time.

Benjamin

I soared down the staircase and through the dining room. Gwil was working late at the hospital, Mercy outside tending the animals, everyone else presumably scattered throughout the house. I had to get out before anyone noticed me. I had to get out without Rami or Lucy knowing.

I yanked open the door to the back porch. Rami was waiting there.

“Good evening,” he greeted me in that slow, thoughtful drawl.

“Stay the fuck out of my head.”

“You know how it works, Benny Boy. I can’t ignore the loud thoughts. And you’ve been having some very loud thoughts lately.”

I stared down at my shoes, all black Adidas. Black is good. It doesn’t show stains. For example, purely hypothetically, splatters of human blood and organs. “I can make it quick. I can make it painless.”

Rami’s aura flared maroon; not enraged, no, not quite that, but certainly revolted. I was always finding new and horrifying ways to revolt them, whether I was trying to or not. “She has a family, Ben. A father. You know Chief Swan, you’ve seen him around town. He’s a good person. She’s a good person. You really want to do this? You really want to relapse like this?”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t have to. Hearing thoughts is a tricky thing, and not a gift that I would ever want; unspoken words are rarely a steam and usually a storm, disjointed and twisting, interrupting each other, bottomless layers of whispers and screams. But I was sure Rami could catch the important parts: that I didn’t know the difference between good and bad people, that I didn’t know what to think of people at all, that for me her blood was not a desire but a compulsion. I couldn’t stop envisioning it spilling over my tongue and teeth, down my throat, hot and pulsing erratically and fading. “Why can’t you hear her? Why can’t I see what she’s feeling?”

Rami shrugged, characteristically placid and restrained. It was maddening. “There are seven and a half billion people on this planet. So maybe every once in a while you get one that lives in our blind spots, there’s something chromosomal or psychological that puts them on a different frequency. I don’t know. How the hell should I know? All I know is that you definitely shouldn’t be seriously considering...well. What you’re considering.”

“Have you ever met someone whose thoughts you couldn’t hear before?”

“No,” Rami admitted; and was that a ghost of unease that crossed his face?

“Please, Rami. Let me go. Pretend you never saw me.” My words come out strained, hushed, like a spilled secret, like a confession. I’ve never wanted anyone’s blood like I want hers.

He heard that; I could see the dismay in his eyes. Now his aura is dark grey, almost black. Disappointment. Resignation. Mourning. “I told you what Lucy saw.”

“What she saw is impossible and you know it.”

Again, Rami shrugged. That blind, mindless faith. I wished I knew what it felt like. “She’s never wrong.”

“Have you told him?”

“Who, Joe?! Of course I haven’t told Joe. He...”

“He wouldn’t believe it either?” I snapped, like it was a victory.

“No,” Rami amended carefully. “No, he would believe anything Lucy saw.” Lucy had visions: flashes of the future, the past, the present. They were rare and unpredictable, often fragmented, snapshots rather than arcs. But they were always true. Or, rather, the other Lees claimed they were. The real Lees. “I don’t know what he would do about it,” Rami said finally. “So I’m waiting it out. And killing one of the primary participants is definitely not waiting it out.”

I seethed as I glared at him, hating him in that moment, hating myself only slightly more; and he heard that too. But then that wispy, fleeting haze around him was a pink like the last threads of sunlight sinking into the Western horizon. Forgiveness. Attachment. Love.

“Come with me, Ben,” Rami said gently, opening the door. “Come back inside. You can beat this. You’re better than this. You’re a good soul. You wouldn’t be with us if you weren’t.”

I tried to laugh. It came out like a snarl. “I haven’t had a soul in a long time.”

#joe mazzello fic #joe mazzelo x reader #borhap #borhap fic #borhap cast fic #twilight au #twilight #supernatural au

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o-neillwith2ls · 4 years

Text

Give me that!

Prompt number: 27

Fandom: SGA (SG-1 heavily featured)

Rating: G

Warning: None

Set after Stargate Atlantis Season 4 ep 16 TrioDr Keller walked into the infirmary knowing her designation was Sam’s bedside. As she arrived, she smiled at the older woman. She really did like her. She knew that Sam seemed a little private but was a kind, caring, and brave woman all at the same.

“How are you doing?” She asked Sam as she reviewed her chart.

“Better. Now that I’m not being thrown around with a broken leg.” She smiled.

Jennifer put the chart down. “Well, the balm in the cast heals it up to 50% faster than normal. It’s amazing really… a broken bone six weeks back on earth, but here it’s only three!”

“Well, the Ancients really knew their stuff.” Sam remarked. “The technology we’ve acquired is equally advanced.”

“I know. It’ll be amazing when some of this stuff can go public. It’ll change a lot of things back home.”

Sam’s eyebrows raised. “If it ever goes public.”

“Yeah, we all know how the military love their secrets.”.

“Yeah.” Sam chuckled.

Jennifer paused for a minute, unsure of how to the Colonel would react. “I have a question about something on your medical record?”

“Oh?” Sam asked, warily. ‘Not the damn protein marker again,’ she thought to herself.

“Nothing medical. Just your next of kin.” Jennifer asked. “You have no immediate family?”

“Oh.” Sam sighed, slightly relieved. “I have a brother but we have a complicated history, but my next of kin would let my brother know anything which he needed to.”

“Your next of kin being General O’Neill?” Jennifer asked her.

“That’s right,” She nodded. She smiled wistfully for a moment and then chuckled. “He’s been listed as my next of kin for a long time. There was my dad, but he died a couple of years back.”

Jennifer looked confused again. “So, the next closest person was your former CO?” Sam could hear the question in Keller’s voice. Why would her former CO still be her next of kin?

“And Daniel.” She said, pointing out his name as her second next of kin. Jennifer still looked confused. “Jennifer, the original SG-1 -- we’re all really close. Daniel is like a brother to me. Being out here, you must have picked up on it. We were together for seven full years before Ja— Colonel O’Neill was promoted to General and then for a whole other year where he was in command at the SGC.”

Jennifer finally nodded. “That is a long time,” She acknowledged. “Well, Colonel Sheppard has authorized the gate to be opened to send him a message,” Jennifer said, shaking her head. “I suppose there are some benefits of having your next of kin as the Head of Homeworld Security.” Jennifer smiled. “He’ll get to know right away, no delay and no classified mumbo.”

“Yeah.” Sam smiled. “The gate really doesn’t need to be opened right away, just send it in our weekly report.”

“Oh, John was quite insistent. Something about the General ‘kicking his ass’ if he didn’t.” Jennifer remarked which made Sam chuckle.

“That sounds like him.” Sam admitted.

“Shepperd to Keller. We’re about to dial up.” He informed her.

Jennifer touched her headset, hitting the button to answer. “I’ll be right there.” She said. Jennifer turned to Sam. “Try to relax.” She told Sam. As she turned to leave, Keller saw Sam pull a computer towards her. Jennifer looked at Sam and took it from her.

“Give me that!” Sam protested.

“I said relax!” Jennifer answered as she saw Sam crossing her arms in a huff as she left the room.

“This is O’Neill.”

Keller stood in front of the monitor. She had of course heard of General O’Neill. Who hadn’t? He hadn’t personally recruited her, but he’d allowed Dr Weir to do so. At the time, her position was as an assisting doctor, so the General had no need to meet her personally. She suddenly was really nervous of the General. Not being military, she’d never spoken to anyone higher up than Sam.

“Sir. Yes sir.” She said her mouth was going dry. “This is Keller, Doctor Jennifer Keller, sir.”

“What can I do for you, Doctor?” he said in a stern but not unkind tone.

“Um, you’re listed as Colonel Carter’s next of kin, sir?” She tried to say it as a statement, but it came out as a question.

“Is she alright?” the General quickly asked, concern flashing across his handsome face.

“She’s fine—” Jennifer started, “well, no, not fine--,” she continued in a rush. “She’s not dead or anything but...”

“Doc!” he snapped, a hand coming up waving at her. Jennifer snapped out of her muddled state of mind. A little taken aback, to Jen he now seemed a grouch. ‘How did this man worm his way onto Sam’s next of kin?’ she wondered.

“Sorry sir, she has a broken leg sir, a few bumps and bruises—” she started to explain before the General cut across her.

“Sheppard!” He snapped.

John appeared beside her, “Yes sir.”

“I thought I told you...” he trailed, staring down John. “How the hell did it happen?”

“She was on a diplomatic mission, sir.” John explained. “She was perfectly safe. She was with the doc and Rodney.”

“Oh, that makes me feel better.” The General snapped again. “How the hell did she end up with a broken leg if she was ‘safe’?

“Sir—” John started.

“Stop scaring my team, Sir.” They suddenly heard as a second face appeared on the screen.

“Carter?” The General replied, obviously relieved to see her.

“Sam!” Keller reprimanded her patient. “I told you to rest.”

“I’m doing this from a tablet. I’m still in bed.” Sam defended herself.

Before the doctor could object, Jack cut across. “You okay, Carter?” he asked her softly. “How bad is it?”

Sam smiled. “Better than the Ori blast worse than Antarctica.” She shrugged.

There was silence for a brief moment while the General interpreted the cryptic remark and then he slowly nodded his head. “Only warmer?” He asked, a slight smile playing at his lips.

Sam laughed softly although to everyone else, the joke was a little weak. “Much warmer.” She confirmed with a smile. "Not as bad the super soilder--" she admitted knowing he was trying a gauge her discomfort. "It's only a broken leg." she assured him.

“Okay, Good.” He finally said, after a long and pregnant look between them. Jennifer supposed he was inspecting her somehow, after eight years together he would be able to tell a truth from a lie, maybe he was looking for signs of deceit from her.

“Thank you for keeping me informed, Doc.” He said kindly towards Jennifer.

Nervously, she stumbled, she’d seen impatience, gruffness, caring concern and now a warmth from this man, all in a few minutes, she wondered if his personality was always so Jackal and Hyde! How could Sam put up with it? “Oh-erm-um, yes sir.”

“I have a meeting with the senators.” He seemed only to be focused on Sam. “Do I need to--” he started to ask.

Sam chuckled, shaking her head. “Sorry sir, I’m no excuse this time.”

He looked a little huffed before he slipped. “What’s the point in having a w-Carter when you can’t use her as an excuse.”

Sam only laughed again.

“Fine. Keep me informed.” He said then with another pause and a last lingering look at Sam, he ended the transmission. “O’Neill out.”

The picture went down then the wormhole flickered out. Jennifer looked completely baffled at the screen. “That was the oddest conversation ever.”

“Well,” John said, with a knowing smile that no one else got it. “The General is a unique man.”

“Yeah, and Sam’s been putting up with the goofball for years!” McKay quipped from behind them.

“Rodney!” John snapped just because he could.

“What?” Rodney answered. “It’s true. How the man even got to General I’ll never know. I thought the brass were meant to be clever folk.” Before anyone else could say a word, Rodney asked, “Is anyone else hungry? What’s for lunch?”

“Orange Chicken.” John gruffed.

“What?” Rodney asked, worried.

“Chilli lime salad.” John continued as they walked down the corridor.

“Are you serious?” Rodney asked.

“With Lemon meringue pie.” John finished with a smirk on his face.

“Oh, haha, yes, very funny. You’re not being serious, are you?” A look passed between Jennifer and John before he asked again. “Are you?”

#Fictober 2020 #Fictober20 #stargate sg-1 #stargate sg1 #stargate atlantis #samantha carter #jack o'neill #jennifer keller #Rodney McKay #john sheppard

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melacka · 4 years

Text

A Blacklist Secret Santa

Hello there @meetmeatthecoda! Tis I, your Blacklist Secret Santa and I come bearing (slightly late) gifts! I wanted to write you a soulmate au but I just couldn’t get it together to write a good one, so I might just have to return to that idea later! Instead, I have written a sorta holiday-themed, weirdly angsty yet fluffy Lizzington fic. I hope you enjoy it!

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season and a happy and prosperous new year!

Title: Less Conventional Methods by Melacka

Rating: M (mainly for some swearing and mild dirty talk at the end, it’s Gen most of the way through)

Summary: Tired of the way their relationship was going, Liz uses the opportunity of an undercover operation to be someone else for an evening.

Or, Red and Liz actually talk about their feelings.

You can read it on AO3 here or keep reading below.

Liz shifted nervously on her feet as she stared at the numbers ticking by in the elevator. After a moment, she realised what she was doing and willed herself to relax, conscious as ever of people possibly watching her. How many times had she herself profiled someone based almost entirely on surveillance footage they had obtained? How much information was she giving away in this short journey to the top of the building? She wondered idly what it would be like to just be able to go places and not consider who might be observing her. She dimly recalled a time in her life when she used to do that, when she could move with relative ease and freedom through the world. It seemed a lifetime ago, now.

Liz had borrowed a dress from Samar for the occasion. She hadn’t had time to go home before she needed to be at the party and apart from a rather noticeable difference in height, she and Samar wore about the same size. She glanced down at herself and tried not to feel self-conscious about how much skin was on display. She wasn’t exactly confident in her ability to pull this outfit off, but she had already decided that the best way to get through the evening was to pretend to be someone else entirely. Luckily for her, she knew just the person to create an entirely new identity for her. Tonight, she’d say goodbye to Elizabeth Keen and step into Andrea Deacon’s shoes.

Andrea Deacon was a successful accountant who dabbled in money laundering. She wouldn’t hesitate to wear a tight, low-cut dress and she was perfectly comfortable in those spike heels. Andrea Deacon was a strong, confident woman. She was unattached and unashamed. While Elizabeth Keen balked at the idea of schmoozing the city’s elite, Andrea Deacon merely smiled in anticipation.

She sighed and put her best bland smile on her face, smoothing down her dress in preparation for the evening ahead. They were all arriving separately and had agreed not to interact with each other unnecessarily. Red had provided them with some information about who would be in attendance but had, as usual, kept several pertinent details to himself. Liz was becoming accustomed to this particular habit of his, she saw it now more as a challenge to be overcome, rather than the constant irritant it used to be.

Liz stepped out of the elevator and glanced around the room slowly, locating the rest of her team easily. Ressler was ordering a drink at the bar, Aram was chatting animatedly with a young woman who kept touching his arm playfully, an action that Aram seemed baffled by, and Samar was dancing with someone that Liz was fairly sure ran one of the biggest banks in the country. She didn’t acknowledge any of them, they were all playing different roles tonight and would only check in sporadically. She couldn’t see Red anywhere, but she knew he was bound to be around here somewhere. There was no way he would trust them to handle it themselves and he could rarely resist a party. She caught sight of Dembe as she strolled calmly across the room and she smiled at him in invitation as she passed. She walked up to the far window and feigned interest in the view while she waited. Sure enough, within a minute she felt him come up behind her.

“Beautiful view, isn’t it?” she murmured without looking at him.

“Stunning,” he replied quietly, looking out across the city.

“Are you here alone?”

“No, I am here with my employer.” Dembe finally turned to look at her and smiled. “He is not far.”

“Oh,” Liz replied vaguely, glancing at him quickly before looking out the window again. “I don’t know many people here tonight. Are you able to give me any insight?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Well,” Liz drawled, allowing a flirtatious smile to mask her anxiety once more, “is there anyone I should really avoid?”

Dembe smiled in response and beckoned her closer. She leaned in obediently, thinking to herself that Dembe could probably be quite the charmer when he put his mind to it.

“Avoid the blonde man with the moustache, he is very dangerous and not related to your mission here tonight. It would be unwise to draw his attention unnecessarily. The woman talking to Aram is well-connected but unskilled in these matters, she should be targeted. Agent Ressler has made contact with a business associate of my employer’s, he is talking with him now. This avenue should be pursued if you want this evening to be a success.”

“Anything else?” she whispered, careful to maintain her bland expression.

“Raymond is on the balcony and he would like you to join him when you can.”

“There’s a balcony?”

“Yes, to your left. It is quite well-concealed, no one will disturb you there, I will see to it.”

“Thank you.”

Liz stepped away from him quickly and walked straight towards where he had indicated the balcony was. Sure enough, as soon as she pushed her way outside, she could see the outline of a man near the edge. She shivered slightly in the cold but determinedly stepped towards him.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said playfully. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your solitude.”

He turned around to smile at her, the same smile he used when he was trying to charm someone.

“Not at all,” he said smoothly. “I would appreciate the company.”

She approached with her hand outstretched and he accepted it gracefully.

“Andrea Deacon, nice to meet you.”

“Raymond Reddington,” he replied, bending over her hand to press a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “A pleasure.”

“So, Raymond,” the name tasted delicious on her tongue and she savoured it for a moment before continuing, “what are you doing out here all by yourself? You’re not enjoying the party?”

“I was hoping to meet an acquaintance here tonight, but she has yet to arrive.”

“An acquaintance?” Liz said lightly. “Is she a special acquaintance of yours?”

“Oh, she’s very special.”

She felt a rush of warmth spread through her in spite of the cool air on the balcony.

“I believe you could make anyone feel special, Raymond.”

“You barely know me, Andrea,” he rumbled. “How could you possibly know that?”

“There’s something in the way you’re looking at me.” Liz took a careful step closer to him so they were standing almost inappropriately close to each other. “It makes me think that anyone you focused on at any time would feel like the most important person in the universe.”

He smiled at her, slow and teasing. She stared at his mouth, completely unashamed.

“It’s a dangerous sensation, of course,” she continued. “Intoxicating, to be sure, but nothing more than a façade, I fear.” She stepped back from him and turned her attention to the view. “Unsustainable.”

“You are remarkably perceptive,” he said dryly, turning to face the view with her. “Are you here alone?”

“For now, yes,” she said casually. “But the night is still young.”

“And full of possibilities, no doubt.”

“There is at least one possibility that appeals to me.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” she said calmly. “Would you like to dance?”

“I would be delighted,” he said cheerfully. “Lead the way.”

Liz laughed and put her hand on his shoulder.

“I think it’s better if you lead, Raymond.”

“You want to dance out here?” he said with a smile as he took her hand in his and wrapped the other around her waist. “Without any music?”

“If there’s no music, you can’t be out of time,” she said happily. “And I like it out here.”

“As you wish.”

Red started to slowly lead her around the balcony in an easy step. She caught herself trying to lead a few times but for the most part, she left him to handle it. She pressed herself closer to him, shivering slightly.

“Are you cold?” he murmured after a few minutes.

“Just a little,” she lied. In truth, she was freezing, but she didn’t want to go inside just yet.

Red started to unbutton his tuxedo jacket, but she stopped him before he could take it off. Instead, she moved even closer to him and wrapped her arms around him inside the jacket.

“Better?” he asked, amused.

“Much,” she said contentedly. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” he murmured, pressing his lips into her hair softly.

“The woman you mentioned earlier,” Liz said suddenly and Red paused slightly in his swaying rhythm. “What is she to you?”

He didn’t answer for a moment and she pulled back her head to look at him, keeping her arms firmly around him.

“It’s difficult to explain,” he said quietly, not looking at her.

“But she’s important to you?” Liz persisted.

“Of course she is, but I don’t know what I am to her.”

“What?” Liz scoffed. “How can you not?”

“To say that there have been some mixed messages between us would a dramatic understatement.”

Liz snorted and leaned her head against his shoulder again.

“We’ve been different things to each other at different times, but never quite what I want us to be.”

“What about what she wants?”

Red laughed loudly and dipped Liz suddenly.

“I have no idea what she wants.”

Liz gasped slightly as Red brought her back upright and resumed their slow circling dance.

“Have you ever asked her?”

“I feel that might be counter-productive, Andrea,” he said calmly, and Liz just barely suppressed a flinch at her assumed name. “We have never had the kind of relationship that encourages open communication.”

“Why not?”

“A lot of reasons,” he said dismissively. “A certain suspicion seems inherent to both our natures, for starters, our work means that we go from allies to adversaries from day to day, and there have been several times when one or the other of us has been right not to trust the other.”

“Sounds very complicated,” Liz whispered, feeling her heart sink within her. “Is there no way through?”

“Not through conventional means, I fear.”

“You don’t strike me as a slave to convention, Raymond. Maybe it’s time to try something a little unconventional.”

“Any ideas?” he said lightly, twirling her away from him and then back into his embrace. “I am open to suggestion.”

“Talking doesn’t seem to be working for you, so maybe it’s time to act.”

“And what action should I take?”

Liz thought in silence for a moment and then grinned as she said, “Is that mistletoe over there?”

“Perhaps,” he said, not turning around.

“Maybe you should have a moment under the mistletoe and forget speaking for a while.”

“And if the lady is not receptive?” he asked mildly.

“Perhaps the lady is waiting for you.”

They stopped dancing and stared in silence at each other. Liz allowed her eyes to dart down to his lips once more, projecting her desire as much as she could.

“Raymond,” Dembe called quietly from the door and Liz nearly groaned. “The lady’s absence has been noted.”

“Damn it,” Liz said quietly.

Red smiled coolly at her and stepped away from her.

“I fear our time has come to an end, Andrea, but I thank you for the advice.” He swept her hand up to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss to her skin. “And thank you for the dance.”

He lowered her hand again and left without a word. Liz watched as he made his way easily through the crowd and straight for the elevator.

“Damn it,” she said again.

Later that night, freshly showered and dressed in her normal clothes, Liz nervously knocked on the door to Red’s safe house. She'd spent the last two hours working herself up to the point where she felt she could talk to him, but she hadn't really planned what she would say.

“Elizabeth.”

Dembe exhibited no surprise at seeing her so late at night, he simply stepped away from the door to allow her to pass. He silently pointed at a closed door that Liz assumed concealed Red. She nodded her thanks as Dembe retreated down the hall without a word.

Liz took a deep breath as she paused in front of the door, psyching herself up to what could be an uncomfortable conversation. She hesitated and briefly debated within herself about whether she should just come back the next day, before she rolled her eyes at how ridiculous she was being and pushed the door open. Unfortunately, she pushed it with a little more force than was strictly necessary and it rebounded noisily off the wall. Red stared at her in shock as she stopped the door with her hand and moved sheepishly over the threshold.

“Uh—” she said awkwardly.

“Now that’s how you make an entrance,” he said with a smile and Liz felt the little knot of tension she’d been carrying ease slightly. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight, Elizabeth.”

He said it mildly enough, but Liz could hear the question in his statement and knew that it was her way in, a way to start the conversation they needed to have. She could ease into it, just like she planned.

“I really wanted to kiss you at the party,” she blurted out and then cringed.

Smooth, Liz, she thought to herself. Real smooth.

“Oh?” Red said blandly, an expression of polite interest on his face that infuriated her. “Are you here to collect?”

“Well, yes,” she replied with far too much honesty. She cringed again. “I mean that I – that is, I’m not—” Liz trailed off with a sigh. “I’m no good at this stuff, Red. I don’t know how to—”

She gestured vaguely with her hands, hoping that he would put it together for himself and save her from her embarrassment.

“Don’t know how to what?”

Clearly, he was not in the mood to save her.

“Red, please,” she groaned.

“Elizabeth, I’m going to need you to spell it out for me.” He wandered over to the bar and started to pour himself a drink. “We have had far too many misunderstandings recently and I am far too tired to play any more games this evening. Drink?”

“Please.”

She followed him to the bar and watched as he poured her a drink. She kept her eyes on his hands, mesmerised as always by the grace of their movements. Such beautiful hands for such a dangerous man.

Liz sighed as Red handed her a drink, but she didn’t move away from him.

“Why are you here, Elizabeth?”

“You’re right,” she said decisively. “There have been too many misunderstandings between us lately and I’m sick of it.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, I am.” She gulped her drink down and he raised his eyebrows in surprise at her. “So, I’m going to try something a little different.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I’m going to tell you what I want and ask you to respond honestly. Can you do that?”

“I—”

“I know you don’t want to commit yourself, Red, I’m not asking that of you.”

“Elizabeth, you are the single greatest commitment of my life,” he said wearily, moving away from her to sit in the armchair by the fireplace. “So, when I hesitate, it is not for a want of commitment.”

“What is it then?” she asked quietly.

“Experience,” he said harshly. “My experience tells me not to commit to anything with you, but—”

He stopped talking abruptly and looked away from her. He sipped his drink in agitated silence for a moment. She replaced her own glass on the bar and moved toward him slowly. When she stood directly in front of him, she waited for him to look at her again. When he did, his expression was carefully neutral again.

“But what, Red?”

“My experience is one thing but what I want—” He shook his head again and looked away with a sigh, leaning back in his chair slowly. “When you tell me that you are going to tell me what you want and that I should give you an honest response, I desperately want to believe that it is possible.”

“It is!” she insisted desperately.

“Is it? My experience with you, Elizabeth, tells me that it can never be. But my heart?”

Her breath caught in her throat and she felt the tears begin to build. This was not going like she planned it at all. She slowly knelt in front of him and placed her hands on the arms of the chair.

“Red, please, tell me.”

“My heart is a fool, Lizzy,” he hissed. “Every time there is even the slightest chance—"

“Red—”

“An old fool, that’s what I am. My heart has turned me into a fool.”

“We are all fools,” she whispered.

“In love?” he said mockingly, and she flinched.

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” she asked him miserably.

He stared at her in silence for a moment and then said, “I want to believe you.”

“Then we come back to my original purpose. Will you let me tell you what I want from you? And will you try to respond honestly?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “Tell me what you came to say.”

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves once more.

“I don’t know how to get past this barrier between us, Red, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.”

“The barrier has always been your choice, Elizabeth.”

“It may have been my choice, Red, but you can’t pretend that you don’t contribute to it at all.”

He didn’t say anything, which she took as acquiescence. Or at least, not outright disagreement.

“But like I said earlier, talking hasn’t done has any good lately. It’s time to let go of conventional methods.”

“Oh?” he said, his interest piqued. “And what unconventional methods did you have in mind?”

She grinned at him and removed a tiny sprig from her pocket.

“What’s this?” she said, feigning confusion. “I think it might be mistletoe!”

Red just stared at her silently.

“You still haven’t told me what you want, Elizabeth.”

“I would’ve thought that would be obvious.”

“Humour me.”

“I want you,” she said simply. “I want us to be able to talk through our issues and deal with them like adults. I want to spend evenings with you where we’re not working and we’re not playing games. I just want to be able to be with you and not constantly worry that you’re playing me or using me. I want to make love to you.”

Liz smiled when she saw Red’s sudden intake of breath.

“I want to know how it feels to have you all around me, Red.” She moved her hands, so they were grasping his thighs and he jumped. “To be surrounded by you, consumed by you.”

“Lizzy—” he croaked.

“I want to fuck you,” she whispered, raising herself from her knees and slowly climbing into his lap, maintaining eye contact as she moved. “And I want you to fuck me. I want to still be able to feel you the next day. I want to know how you taste.”

Red closed his eyes as she rolled her hips against him.

“I want to love you, Red,” she whispered. “And I want to know that you love me in return.”

“Lizzy,” he groaned, her name drawn out and desperate.

“But if all that is too much right now,” she continued quietly, extracting her sprig of mistletoe yet again and raising it above their heads, “there’s always this.”

“Mistletoe, Lizzy?”

“Yes, because talking clearly isn’t working. It’s time to try slightly less conventional methods.”

She leaned in close to him but still kept a very slight distance between them. Red searched her eyes desperately and Liz tried to project all her love and desire in her gaze.

“The lady is waiting for you, Raymond,” she whispered.

“I would hate to keep a lady waiting,” Red said and Liz grinned in triumph as his lips finally met hers.

#the blacklist secret santa #lizzington #fanfic

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bananashemmo · 5 years

Text

But I Got You This Rose

Pairing: Y/N/Hockey!Luke

Rating: PG-All

Request: No

Words: 10.000+

Summary: College has never been easy and not after Luke and Y/N have broken up after being everyone’s sweethearts. Life isn’t easier for Y/N when she founds out that rituals for hockey players to become captains is to sleep with another cheerleader.

“It’s insane, right...” Camille sighed, “Three months of being single and girls are already swimming all over his ass. At least he’s not taking any of it.”

You shook your head in disbelief and removed yourself from the wall, “Yeah but if you don’t swim, you’ll end up drowning.”

“What a metaphor,” Camille commented almost impressed, both your eyes glancing towards Luke who was standing with the rest of the hockey team and a few cheerleaders.

Your mouth twisted down and a heavy sigh came from your lips. Your arms were crossed but not because you wanted to look pissed. Your face was probably showing something else but inside your heart was beating in pain.

“This was a stupid mistake,” You shook your head and loosened your arms.

“No, it wasn’t.” Camille disagreed, “Life isn’t going to be based from where your ex is hanging out. I know this sounds harsh but you need to let it go. You need to let him go because otherwise, he is going to control the rest of your life.”

The temperature in the arena was cold and a few were wearing coats but you didn’t mind. It was the last thing in your mind and all cheerleaders were offered long sleeves.

Kind of the benefit of being a cheerleader for the College Hockey Team.

You looked at Camille and she wasn’t giving up. She was a rock, hard to push and there was no limit to her stubbornness. She wouldn’t give up without a fight.

You sighed heavily, just adding a bit of pressure to add dramatically to your current state. Your back felt glued against the wall you were standing against. Camille baffled the black and white pong pong in front of your face and just like she predicted – a little smile was formed.

“You’re an idiot.” You mumbled below your breath and loosened yourself from the wall.

She smirked in satisfaction and nodded her head. Not because she agreed with you but because she was happy that you were giving in.

“Come on,” Her ponytail swung in the air when she looked over her shoulder to glance over at Luke one last time, “Game starts in ten. Let’s go grab some water.”

Your eyes weren’t on her, but the direction was the same.

“Right,” You breathed in deeply, closing your eyes for a second and followed her small steps towards the changing rooms below the arena.

You looked towards the group of people, feeling your gaze turn away when your eyes met Luke for a second.

Ten minutes until the game.

Head clouded with thoughts and a whole lot to say without words to speak, you followed Camille in her heels and walked past a few players that were about to approach the arena. They knew they were late, it was the reason why they were bumping shoulders with yours.

Camille looked over her shoulder just to make sure that you were still behind her, continuing to walk and turned to her left when you came to the ladies changing room.

The changing room was warmer than the hallway and your light rosy cheeks were met with the heat.

Chatting and laughter were filling the room, a few girls from the other team were standing at the right corner where all the students from the other college would stay. It was like there was a thick cloud of rivalry in the room even though you hadn’t even spoken to each other.

It was quite amusing. They didn’t even know where you were usually standing but it was like they knew they belonged to the right side of the changing room. You were always standing on the left, it was literally cheerleading territory.

You stopped when you stood in front of the long mirror that allowed many girls to look at themselves at once, quite the benefit not having to push each other to get a chance of a look.

Camille opened her locker and pulled out her empty Fiji bottle, stopping when she was standing next to you and turned on the sink with cold water.

“Do you even know if the water tastes differently?” You didn’t want to ask and sound stupid, but it came off a little bit awkward.

Her eyes widened as if you had just compared a Too Faced mascara with Essence or W7.

“You’ll learn someday, Y/N.” Camille mumbled and almost rolled her eyes.

You looked at her confused for a second but shrugged your shoulders. Focusing back on the mirror you gave yourself the elevator glance. Not for any purpose though. Sometimes it could be awkward just standing in front of the mirror doing nothing.

You could hear chants from behind your back. It was some of the girls from the cheerleading team that were whispering, for what you didn’t really know.

“Care to share?” Camille was never afraid to give a comment or remark.

Sometimes you felt a little bit embarrassed when she did. When she was drunk it was even worse. It was like sort of mechanic when drinking vodka, she would almost get violent in her tone. Just a simple glare from a guy and she would be in his throat.

Not to mention if someone was commenting on you. That would take a whole other level. She might be small and frightening, but nobody wanted to fuck with her.

And nobody was allowed to fuck with her friends.

“I’m not sure you want to know, Daniels.” Juliett, bright red lipstick just like the color of her hair grinned at Camille.

“Wouldn’t want to hurt your friend.”

“What is she talking about?” You whispered, looking at Camille for answers.

Camille tightened her lips and crossed her arms. This was where it would get out of hand but you didn’t have the control of her. She was 21, she didn’t need someone to tell her to calm down.

“Remember what happens if the team wins tonight.”

Juliett smirked at Camille and threw her bag over her shoulder. The others followed with her, annoyingly chants coming from her behind and they almost giggled in unison.

You looked at Camille in pure confusion, feeling a little uncomfortable.

Camille bit down on her lip, eyeing them out of the room and placed her hands on each side of the sink when they were gone.

Your eyes were wide, and you were still staring at her waiting for answers. Camille was the source of gossip, if you wanted to know something about someone, you just needed to ask her.

She had the answers to everything. Even if they weren’t true.

“I just thought it was a rumor. I sincerely hoped it wasn’t…” She seemed to be inside her head, her eyes were scanning the air and then she looked up at you as if she was sorry.

“If the guys win tonight, they are going to pick a new captain since it’s been one year since the last election. And since we know who that’s going to be, you know the traditions.”

At first, you weren’t catching up. But then it hit you.

“Oh my god,” You felt how the headache was starting to form in the right side of your face. You placed your hands on the table next to the sink and sighed heavily. A true one, that wasn’t dramatic but coming all the way down from your lungs.

“Luke is going to need to fuck a cheerleader to complete the tradition?”

Camille wasn’t much for answering and going out of her comfort zone, she simply nodded her head. Her eyes were on the ground.

Your hands came up to run through your locks, your eyes were shut closed and you just wanted to go home.

“I knew this day was worst to come.”

Camille looked at you sympathetically and had almost forgotten about the Fiji Water in her hands.

Now you definitely didn’t want the game to happen at all.

For as long as you could possibly remember, traditions at college were very important. It was almost like rituals and everyone had to pass them to either be accepted or keep the tradition ongoing. It wasn’t that they usually were that disturbing but the hockey captain thing crossed the line.

You didn’t know who had invented it but it could have been pictured out of an American Pie movie.

Everyone knew of the ritual, you had even heard it on your third day at college. It was presented at your first cheerleading class, some even seemed rather excited about the tradition.

Probably because they felt that they were fully accepted in the crowd if they did something so controversial.

You had just shrugged it off. You knew it wouldn’t affect you. At the time it wasn’t really your ex-boyfriend’s goal to become the captain of the team. He liked being a little bit reserved but still making results.

Every year though, they had to pick a new captain. It was like when changing seasons. Someone could be selected again, if they were still at college or doing a rather great job for the team.

You knew Luke had been predicted to be the one, everyone adored him. You didn’t feel surprised. He was a great player and always had the best team spirit to make sure he talked with everyone and everyone felt comfortable.

You just hadn’t predicted that it would be tonight.

“It’s just some stupid ritual…” You didn’t sound as convincing as you wanted to be.

“You think Luke would do it?” Camille asked unsure, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows.

Your mouth opened but no words came out. You stopped in track and quivered an eyebrow in thought. Luke never came across like that guy but without you in the picture anymore…

Would he do it?

Your eyes met Camille’s and you looked at her a little bit insecure.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Let the Annual Hockey Game between River Fall College and East College begin!”

“Shit,” Camille cursed under her breath and grabbed your hand.

“We need to hurry.”

In the process of running out of the changing rooms and back towards the arena didn’t take your mind off your worries just for a second. It had also knocked out one of the other hockey traditions and the original reason why you didn’t want to show up at the first place.

When you walked into the arena and saw the long line of hockey players and cheerleaders standing in a row, you felt smacked in the face.

Another tradition at college was the annual hockey games where the cheerleaders and players would walk in together.

It was like all players were assigned a cheerleader partner. Not someone they necessary needed to have a romance with, but they were always assigned to be together. Especially walking in hand in hand and representing the college with proudness.

Everyone was divided into numbers. Usually, the girls wouldn’t have numbers on their suits, the football cheerleaders didn’t have the same tradition.

But hockey cheerleaders had, and they needed to wear it with proudness.

You looked over at Camille who stopped by the number 7. She was aligned up with Noah Martins. She practically hated it because he always tried to grab her ass. His usual apology would be “It’s for the crowd babe.”

You, on the other hand, was paired up with no other than Luke.

You had been given a number the first time you met up for practice. It was randomized, you hadn’t expected you would be with Luke but that were the chances given. Everyone always loved it, you could see it as being a fan favorite. Everyone loved seeing you together, especially around campus.

And to see you stand together hand in hand and representing hockey like it was worldwide, you were always having extra cheers.

But standing for the first time next to each other with a breakup, left less than a smile than usual.

You could feel your fingers shake and your knees wiggle when you stopped right behind him, seeing his number 16 flash on his back.

He had been expecting you. His face was nervous, but he seemed to ease just a little bit when he felt your shoulder bump into his. It wasn’t on purpose.

Your eyes were staring so harshly down at the ground you could barely form a hi. Or a hello. You were just as silent as he was.

“Hey you.” Luke managed to compose himself and wiggled a bit in his shoulders to show a better attitude.

“Hey back.” You softly said and you looked up to meet his eyes.

It was like looking into them like you had done the first time you met.

“You look great.” His hand was inviting, waiting for you to grab it.

You honestly just wanted to pull yours away and reject. You didn’t want to be doing this because it didn’t feel right but the game had always started, and you didn’t want to embarrass Luke.

You tried to look over your shoulder to get eye contact with Camille, but she wasn’t able to be seen.

“Thank you.” You responded quietly, feeling your cheeks turn into a deep shade of red by his compliment. Even in this stage, he still managed to make you blush.

Deciding just to give in you grabbed his large hand, remembering not to lace your fingers. It had been an old habit and you grabbed yourself in wanting to do it.

“I’m happy we can do this as friends.” He mentioned, trying to be casual but it was never really Luke’s thing.

“As friends.” You were speaking in honesty. It was hard yes, but you had to remain friends. Just like Camille had explained. You needed to get over him in order to show up without feeling awkward.

Luke nodded his head and looked forward. The other team had been presented to the ice and now it was your turn.

Usually, people weren’t allowed on the ice without skates. Sometimes some idiot would do it and skate around like it wasn’t ruining the arena. But cheerleaders were allowed, remember to wear shoes that were made for it but still classy.

When Luke’s name was mentioned, both your hands raised in the air and you walked onto the ice.

You weren’t waving like Luke did, you had always tried to stay in the shadow of his. It wasn’t really your shine and you had always been smiling at him seeing how he was enjoying it.

You couldn’t avoid but see memories when he was looking up with such bright in his eyes.

----- High school - Senior Year, 2016 ----

“Come on, Luke! Stop swinging around, you look like a figure skater.” Calum, Luke’s best friend almost wanted to curse under his breath.

His otherwise brown eyes looked annoyingly at the blond-haired boy swinging around at the ice. He was doing anything else but listening to Coach Zwimmel talking about the next big game.

“Look at these? Aren’t they amazing!” Luke was so much inside his own head he wasn’t listening to what was going on. The other teammates were standing with their hockey sticks, chin pressed on the top of it with the bottom on the ice.

Calum rolled his eyes and tried to focus back on Coach Zwimmel. He wanted to do good and if Luke wanted to fool around like a princess, he could do it.

It would bite him in the ass in the end not listening and becoming a better player.

Luke looked down at his feet as if it was the only thing he could focus on. And it was!

Recently having his birthday, he had gotten a new pair of skates which were much better than the last. He could actually skate around without worrying that he would trip and he felt much safer on the eyes now. It gave a better balance and it fit his feet as they had grown a little bigger over the summer.

In fact, his whole body had grown over the summer. It was like he had added ten centimeters to his height and all the girls had noticed. He wasn’t used to the attention but he blushed every time it happened.

Calum tried once again to control his best friend but it was impossible. Luke was somewhere else and, in his head,, coach Zwimmel couldn’t teach him something he didn’t already know about hockey.

He was probably the best player at the school.

“Luke!” Calum tried one last time and for once, he caught Luke’s attention.

Luke looked up at Calum and continued to skate backward. His smile was so wide it was filling his entire face and Cal felt just a bit guilty of taking him away from his happiness.

“You need to listen.” Calum tried to whisper-yell but he wasn’t sure if Luke was hearing it.

He was skating backward so many meters away and when Calum noticed that Luke was about to skate into one of the cheerleaders, he couldn’t stop the accident before it happened.

Luke’s eyes widened in surprise and he almost fell onto the ice when he knocked his back into one of the girls, his mouth dropping to the floor.

The girl he had hit pulled down two more, three loud clasps echoing in the otherwise small arena and Luke hurried to turn around and look.

“Oh my god, I’m so so so so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was heading and I’m a clumsy person.”

Calum smacked his hand onto his face, shaking his head in disbelief.

Luke leaned down to give you a hand, his eyes looking so blue and apologizing at the same time.

You looked up, locks of hair falling in your face and a pulsing knee that was starting to swell.

“It’s okay.” You looked at him for a second, seeing how he had almost lost his breath in the process.

He looked sincerely sorry, you didn’t even want to yell at him for crashing into you. It wasn’t until you tried to stand up you could feel the pain in your knee.

“I tried to tell my friend that we shouldn’t be on the hockey cheerleading team, but they fucked up the lists of hockey and football so now I’m here.”

Luke nodded his head in agreement and reached out to grab your hand, wanting to help.

“You sure you don’t pull me down one more time?” You asked just to be a tease, grimacing when you tried to move your leg.

“If you’d fall again I’d be there to catch you.”

Luke stopped in track by the sudden cliché comment, he almost furrowed his eyes. If Calum had heard, he would’ve smacked his head done more time. Where in the world did that come from?

You smiled gently by his sweet words and tried to stand up.

“Here, let me help you.” Luke wanted to gain a bit of respect and leaned down to grab your arm.

You looked up at him unsure. He didn’t seem like the pro on skates but since it was an accident that he skated into you, you assumed it was just a one-time thing.

He seemed rather balanced and when you stood up from the floor and the blood was streaming down to your knee, you whined.

“I think we need to take her to the school nurse.” The coach of the cheerleaders, Mrs. Williams, commented.

Luke nodded his head in agreement and tensed in his shoulders when he heard the sound of Coach Zwimmel’s voice.

“Hemmings! Get your ass over here. This is just exactly why I don’t want to share practices with the cheerleaders! Your eyes and mind are somewhere else.”

Luke looked a little bit embarrassed over his shoulder and back at you apologizing.

“I’m so sorry!” He yelled, waving his hands. He hadn’t even gotten your name.

“Seriously, Luke?” Calum asked when he came back skating.

“I think I just met the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Luke mumbled back amazed, only for Calum to roll his eyes again.

Luke wouldn’t get through the practice without thinking of anything else but you.

He took it as far when the practice was over he headed over to the school nurse just to see if you still were there.

A little shy smile came to his face when he walked into the room. You were sitting with your phone, one leg on the ground and another resting on the top of a pillow. Your knee was covered in a bandage and he couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“Hey you.” He said, looking a bit shy.

You looked up from your phone and quickly packed it away. You smiled at him and nodded your head, accepting that he was walking into the room.

“I’m sorry what happened at the hall. Not really the greatest first impression,” He scratched his hair nervously and down his neck. “I don’t think I got the chance to say it on the ice. I’m Luke.”

“My name is Y/N.” You introduced and watched him head towards you. He was hiding something behind his back and he looked a little bit nervous.

“I know saying sorry isn’t going to fix your knee. It probably hurts,” He started out and showed what he had behind his back. You felt shivers when you saw the green stalk and the red beautiful leaves.

“But I’ve got you this rose.” He reached it forward, smiling carefully.

He didn’t want to admit it he had stolen it from the school garden where biology students had been planting them for science. They probably wouldn’t know that it would be missing.

“Thank you so much Luke.” You blushed all over your face. He looked at you expecting for you to say something and you giggled at him.

“You’re forgiven.”

Breathing in carefully you shook your thoughts out of your head.

The memory was old and many years back. But Luke still had the same smiling face when he was looking out at the crowd as when he was giving you the rose.

Since that day, the date was kept as a memory. Every year from that on, Luke would be giving you a rose. It had become a tradition. One of the ones that you didn’t just want to die.

“East and River Falls. Let us begin.” It was announced in the speakers and you looked at up Luke with shiny eyes.

“You coming after the game?” He asked and you quivered an eyebrow.

That was when you realized that there was a bonfire party down by the lake. They would be celebrating the captain and even though you just wanted to stay home you still nodded your head.

“Cool. I’ll see you there.” He let go of your hand and it was like electricity was send through your body.

Usually, he would kiss your hand before a game. He said it gave him luck. But you were left with a small shake and the feeling of emptiness.

He smiled gently at you and waved as all the cheerleaders headed out of the field. You didn’t know if you wanted to scream, cry and fall to the ground. Maybe it was all the feelings at the same time.

“You know, I’m so fucking proud of you for doing that.” Camille came up from your behind and placed her hands on your shoulders.

“You handled it so professionally.”

“Didn’t really feel like it.” You mumbled under your breath. She probably didn’t see that you almost stumbled when walking out from the ice. At least nobody noticed and you handled that professionally.

“I think I just said yes to agreeing to see my boyfriend in an attempt of finding someone to fuck.” You admitted once you were back at your seats, watching the game start and the whistle being blown.

“What did you say yes to?” Camille asked, concerned.

You hesitantly glanced at her and back at your feet. You bit down on your bottom lip and carefully shrugged your shoulder.

“You know the usual party at the lake after the yearly hockey game. I kind of forgot about it and didn’t really plan to go, but when Luke asked all I could say was yes.”

Camille shook her face in disbelief, but she didn’t blame you. She understood being in a pressured situation even if it wasn’t the case. Sometimes the mind answered before its thoughts. She did the same mistakes.

“You want me to come with you?” She asked and you shook your head. You had actually believed she was going, she always was. But when hearing that, you didn’t want her to meet up just because of your wrong answer.

“It’s okay,” You shrugged your shoulder again, “You don’t have to cancel plans just because I’m an idiot.”

“It’s not about canceling plans because you’re an idiot.” She smiled gently, “It’s about canceling plans to help out a friend.”

You couldn’t help but smile all over your face. That was the sweetest thing you had heard in a long time. She was so kind, always. A friend that you wouldn’t leave behind and worth-shipped.

She smiled back and but attention was quickly drawn towards the ice. Someone had scored you couldn’t point out who, but your side of the arena was cheering. That meant a good thing.

Your eyes focused towards the player who was having his arms in the air and when you got a glimpse of the ‘16’ on the back you grinned just a bit. Of course.

“Hemmings ladies and gentleman!” Camille yelled, wanting the rest of the cheerleaders to scream. Like they weren’t doing that already.

“What?” She quickly looked at you, “I get carried away at games, you know that.”

You smiled carefully and nodded your head in agreement.

Your eyes adverted down to the floor and you nuzzled the fabric of your black and white uniform to take away your attention. Usually, this would be the moment where Luke would be looking at you with a smile. You didn’t want to look up knowing that wasn’t going to be the case.

You sighed heavily and leaned back in your seat. If it wasn’t for the fact that Camille was pulling at your arm to make you stand up and cheer, you had totally forgotten you weren’t just a random person in the crowd.

Standing up to raise your arms in the air, you got eye contact with Luke and he gave you a small nod.

“You know, this is probably not the time to ask but since it’s been two months and I’m just trying to grasp the situation better… What did happen between you and Luke?” She yelled over the screams, watching you stare at him and squeezing your eyes.

You almost didn’t want to remember back to it.

---- 2 Months ago ----

“Why were you holding hands with her?”

Luke’s eyebrows furrowed so confusedly it left him looking at you, wanting you to continue.

You looked at him puzzled, even more confused that he wasn’t catching up with where you were going. To you, it made perfect sense as the events had happened minutes ago.

“Are you talking about Juliett?” He asked, pointing over his shoulder to where the arena was.

You were standing alone in the men’s changing rooms. It wasn’t often you were there but since Luke was the first one to show up at the changing rooms, no other boy was there. A queue for you to walk in and talk.

“You’d consider that holding hands? She grabbed it once to skate behind me, what’s the deal? I just held my hands on top of hers to make sure she wouldn’t fall.”

“We’re cheerleaders at our third year of college. Of course, we’re trained to walk on the ice without falling.”

You felt embarrassed you sounded so hysterical. You didn’t want to be exposed like that so you took a step back just to control yourself. This was getting out of hand and it had just started.

Luke glared at you as he took off his hockey shirt, his bare chest heaving up and down from still tired from playing. He was still wearing his shorts and placed his shirt on the bench.

“I know you’re trained like that. When we first started dating I would always pull you around on my skates even though you were afraid of tripping. You never did. I always held my hands on your hips to secure.”

You felt your cheeks burn by the memory and you were chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“You seriously need to get over this jealous thing. It’s the reason why we’re already on a break. Wouldn’t want it to fall completely apart, would you?”

“To me, it already feels broken when I look at how happy you are.” You admitted honestly, watching his heart sink just a bit by your words.

“You think I look happy?” He asked, crossing his arms.

You shrugged your shoulder and used your foot to scrape the ground, not wanting to pay full attention to him. You were too shy to do so. His eyes were trying to bore into yours.

“I think you look happier than when we were actually together. You seem more eased. Like you don’t have to carry something on your shoulders all the time.”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows but he didn’t answer properly. You had been together for four years, throughout most of your high school and the first years of college. You had started everything together and now he felt the sand slip between his fingers.

“I-,” He paused his sentence and looked down at the ground, “I don’t really know what to say.”

“And that’s okay.” You quickly answered, “But don’t tell me you’re not happy about having more freedom. Our relationship was never supposed to be based on being so committed to each other but unlike you, who has it easier only talking a few times a week I miss you every single day.”

By that, Luke glared at you quickly, “Please don’t tell me you think that I don’t want to see you every single day because I do. I do and I always try with all the power I have to tighten up my schedule, so I always have time for you.”

“I know…” You cocked your head to the side and glanced down at the ground.

Luke looked at you not sure if you wanted to continue or not and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“We both agreed that if none of us were happy after three weeks of being on a break, we just need to call it quits. Not because we didn’t love each other but because we needed to take it a step higher and respect that we probably can’t work it out in the end. It’s not worth trying if you’ve already thrown the towel.”

You blinked twice, feeling how your eyes were starting to be filled with tears. He also blinked twice, but you weren’t sure if he was going to cry. Not that he wasn’t that type of person, but he always tried to let you come before him.

Even if that meant he would always be there to comfort you first and afterward break.

“So that’s it?” You asked after a full moment of silence.

Your eyes met and Luke’s mouth opened, but no words came out.

“7-3 baby!” Calum’s voice echoed loud in the changing rooms and you tried to look over Luke to see the full male hockey team coming inside.

Luke wanted to mutter something under his breath but was interrupted by the holler that appeared when they all noticed you standing in the room.

“Oh my! Cheerleader in the room!” Another guy yelled and Luke turned around so his back was facing you. It was probably more to protect you. You had always been off limits but standing in the male’s restroom with 20 boys could get kind of intimidating.

“Hemmings you know what the rituals are for a cheerleader to be in the men’s changing rooms.” The same guy pointed out and rolled her eyes.

“If you as much of just think of her I will break all your bones in your body and feed you with your own hockey puck.” Luke wasn’t giving a fuck but what he hadn’t expected was for you to push past him and all the other guys to get out of the room.

That was the last sight of you for two months without really speaking.

When you thought back to the memory you wondered if things had been different if the boys hadn’t shown up. It probably wouldn’t and would have caused you more pain. It was much easier just to walk away like that.

Everything that you and Luke had been doing suddenly vanished. It wasn’t the same anymore and a few daily traditions had gone to waste. You had never felt this alone in your life and you wondered if he was feeling the same.

Shaking your head and continuing to explain to Camille what was going on, the more she fully understood.

That actually continued until the game was over and you felt shivers down your spine. Not in a good way like when Luke was touching your inner thighs with his fingertips. No, this one left a lump in your throat and your body almost shaking.

It should have been a happy feeling that you had won. Everyone was cheering and everyone was happy. One side of you was actually proud that Luke had managed to finally get the title. It took three years to work for what he seriously wanted.

But the other kept you sad and concerned that he was actually going to do it. The Luke you knew of would never have done so. He was never the type to follow someone’s footsteps.

He walked his own.

“I’m sure everything will be alright. Especially tonight.” Camille chirped in optimistic.

You, on the other hand, not so much.

Tonight was going to be interesting.

It was blushed cheeks and confusion you skipped through the champagne cheer at the hallway of the changing rooms and hurried towards your locker to get your clothes and leave.

You didn’t even want to change. All you wanted to do was head back to your dorm and reconsider your situation.

You actually did that throughout your clothing change, apply makeup and using a hairbrush. You had almost forgotten to lock the door to your dorm before you headed out of the small apartment house and had a direction towards the lake by the woods.

That was one of the benefits of being on your third year. You could finally afford to live in one of the single houses that contained one room mixed with a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom. It wasn’t large but so much better than the community kitchens and shared showers.

But that also meant that you were living on the other side of campus. Usually you wouldn’t bring your bike along, one because it could get stolen and you didn’t prefer that if you were drinking.

Even if you didn’t plan on doing that.

When you arrived in front of the lake after twenty minutes walk, you scanned the whole area with a half-convinced look on your face.

Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.

The sun was disappearing in between the many trees and people were bathing in the water even if it looked cold like hell. Sydney was known for its warm weather, but this was one of the nights where it could get just a little bit chilly.

It gave this warm color that it was streaming down, making everything looking either red, orange or dark pink. It was really beautiful but not what was catching your attention.

It was a huge wonder how everyone could already be this wasted. People were jumping around to the music that was brought by someone with a truck and a soundbox. Someone was jumping into the water with the robe that was hanging in one of the trees.

It didn’t look like chaos. If it looked like chaos, it would be organized chaos.

You could feel your legs shake just a bit but it helped when you noticed Camille standing by the beer foundation.

She was filling up glasses for everyone that passed by. Usually she wouldn’t get near that position because once you would start to fill your own beer, everyone wanted your help. That wasn’t the case this time, she seemed happy.

“So you came,” You smiled carefully when you walked towards her and placed your hands in your pockets.

“Of course I did,” She grinned and filled the last beer before stepping back. “I promised you I would.”

“Have I ever told you-you're like, the best friend ever?”

She hummed by your words and nodded her head, “I think I’ve heard it once or twice.”

Shaking your head by her confidence you laughed quietly and took a look around.

Some of the girls were still wearing their cheerleading uniforms. Camille had taken her off and replaced it with her usual red leather jacket. It suited her well, especially with her tanned skin.

“I think I’m too sober for this.” You shook your head in disbelief and she cocked her head, “You don’t even drink.”

“No, but maybe I should start to.” You mumbled under your breath and she couldn’t avoid laughing.

“Not everything is about alcohol,” She said sarcastically and placed the beer she had filled for herself in your hands.

“Okay then.” You mumbled carefully before being dragged towards some sort of beerpong game that looked pretty dramatic with more cups used than usual.

The night wasn’t so bad as you had predicted. Camille was in a great mood and she always managed to light up a party. You weren’t feeling that comfortable because to be honest, you hadn’t seen Luke.

“I don’t think I want more,” You dried off the beer from your face. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was the only drink that was for free, you wouldn’t have been drinking it.

“Come on,” Camille laughed, “Don’t stop now. We’re having so much fun.”

“I’m gonna throw up if I continue.” You mumbled, laughing again but she wasn’t laughing with you.

You looked at her confused, tried to scan her face at first. You couldn’t picture what was going on and doing what she probably didn’t want you to, you turned around.

At first you couldn’t point out the problem but then you noticed the blond locks not long apart from you. Since his quiff had disappeared and they had been replaced with curls, it could be hard to pointing him out from the crowd.

Camille’s mouth went from open to closed and she mumbled a few profanities under her breath.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” You mumbled, shaking your head in disbelief.

Julliett was all over Luke’s body. As in she was trying her utter best to creep under his hockey hoodie, her hands under his shirt probably to get some warmth. It just didn’t seem as if it was going the way she wanted. She probably wanted to wear it by herself.

You knew just exactly what she was after.

“I don’t even want to look.” You flipped around quickly and looked at Camille with wide eyes.

“Please don’t kill him.”

“I can’t promise I won’t kill her,” Camille muttered under her breath and pushed past your shoulders.

You didn’t want to go through that embarrassment of seeing that. So you grabbed her hand and stopped her from walking anywhere. She needed to control herself and especially when it affected you.

“Y/N you can’t just let that happen.” She stopped in track but respected you didn’t want her to confront them.

“I don’t want you to take my fight. Luke has let go so maybe I should too.”

“That’s not the rumors I’ve heard.” Camille mumbled with furrowed eyebrows, in thought.

You looked at her confused but sure what she was talking about, in fact you hadn’t heard anything about a rumor. Before you could confront her she grabbed someone by the shoulder and that appeared to be Noah Martins.

“Camille, honey!” His hands baffled in the air and she rolled her eyes.

“Listen up, alligator.” She pointed a finger at him and afterward towards you, “Y/N is cold. Cuddle her.”

You didn’t even get the chance to mutter a ‘what’ before Camille almost pushed Noah towards you.

“I’m cold?” You whisper-yelled towards her, hoping that he couldn’t hear because of his rather drunken state.

She ignored your question as Noah swung an arm around your shoulder, pulling him into your side.

Okay, you were cold. You thought to yourself.

Camille had a satisfied expression on her face. She glared over your shoulders to see if she had caught Luke’s attention and just like he predicted. He looked over at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“How can you be cold, you’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt?” Noah asked you, confusion in his eyes.

“I don’t really know. It must be because the bonfire isn’t really that close to us.” You nodded your head towards the burning fire right next to the lake. Whoever had made it, thought it through. If someone caught on fire and were drunk, they just needed to run four meters towards the water.

Noah smiled satisfied. He probably loved getting sudden attention. It didn’t really matter whoever it was, as long as she was female.

“I knew it.” Camille muttered, smiling when Luke stopped glancing but did it again after a minute.

You weren’t really catching up but you could tell that she was happy about her decision to almost force Noah to heat you up.

“Come on, kiss!”

Calum’s eyebrows rose when she suddenly heard the chants coming from the group of hockey boys, even Noah acknowledged it. You glanced towards it also and you could see Juliett and Luke almost being forced to kiss.

Not really forced on Juliett’s part. She seemed to enjoy the attention and the result of it. She giggled around like it was the funniest thing ever, staring at Luke while biting down on her lip.

You rolled your eyes but felt Camille’s glare.

“No.” You quickly said, looking at her.

“I’m not going to kiss Noah.”

“Why not?” Noah chirped in, “I’m not that bad of a kisser. Just ask Camille.”

Eyes fell upon Camille and she widened hers.

“Your ass, we’ve never kissed!” That took away her attention and she grabbed him by the arm. You didn’t want to know what was going to happen any further so you decided just to escape.

Rule number one. Always listen to yourself and don’t make plans you don’t want to go to.

You walked past a tree and breathed heavily. Not because you were walking fast but because you were trying to hold in all the frustration you were keeping inside of yourself.

This was too much to handle, it was too hard. You didn’t know how to act around Luke and when he played it off like it was no big deal that you were just standing there with your big orbs, he could just put a stamp in your forehead saying, “I don’t give a damn.”

You placed your hands in front of your face to scratch your skin, closing your eyes for just a second.

You couldn’t organize the thoughts that were racing around your mind per millisecond.

You stiffed in your whole body when you felt hands on top of yours, trying to pry them off your eyes. You assumed it was Camille so you decided not to resist.

When you opened your eyes your mouth dropped just a bit and you blinked twice.

“What’s going on?” Luke revealed himself and moved your hands down to your sides.

You looked at him not sure of what to answer, not only because he was standing right there but also because he had the most worried look on his face ever.

For a second you thought he was joking. When you came back to reality it was like you snapped out of it and glared with furrowed eyebrows.

“You know just exactly well what’s going on.” You decided not to attack him right away, shrugging your shoulders and speaking carefully.

“I’m talking about Noah Martins. You know how I feel about that guy.” He nodded his head towards Noah who was still talking to Camille. They looked like they were discussing, or Camille was for sure.

She probably regretted suddenly pulling him into this mess because, in the end, she was stuck with him.

You rolled your eyes by Luke and continued, “You know how I feel about Juliett.”

Luke seemed a bit challenged by your words and quivered an eyebrow, “Last time I checked, she wasn’t the one literally forcing herself on me. At least not compared to how Noah tried to flirt with you back in our first year of college.”

You remembered back to the moment and shook your head. Noah was one time, Juliett was all.

“Besides, why in the world would I kiss her?” He asked almost like you were pathetic for being hysterical about it.

“You know just because we broke up it didn’t mean I would turn into a fuckboy. I still have my standards. I’m still being me.”

Sorry filled your eyes but you still didn’t blame yourself for feeling that way. It wasn’t like Luke tried his utter best to show that he wasn’t interested in Juliett. She definitely couldn’t sense it, if it was the case.

“Aren’t you even going to congratulate me on my new title?” His fingers pointed down at his hoodie where the newly printed ‘Captain’ was right under the school logo.

You stared at it for seconds, totally zoning out in your own thoughts.

Luke looked at you when you didn’t answer and suddenly, he felt the puzzle pieces being put together.

“Oh… Now I get it.” He suddenly said and you looked up.

“You remember the captain ritual. Don’t you?”

You decided just to be honest from the start. There was no reason to hide something from Luke. You couldn’t lose anything and if you lied, he could see right through you. So you nodded.

Luke smiled at you carefully and moved forward to pull off his hoodie. You looked at him confused not really understanding where this was going but then he pulled it over your head.

“I think you’d prefer this ten times over Noah Martins.”

You didn’t want to tell him that you weren’t cold because just the feeling of his warmth and the smell of his cologne was enough for you to daze away in your thoughts. It brought back memories.

“Besides,” His face came closer and you leaned your back against the tree after pulling your arms through the sleeves. He placed his hand a few inches over your head and you looked into his blue orbs confused.

“I already slept with a cheerleader.”

It took you a split second to understand what he was talking about. He blinked at you with his right eye and leaned back to place his hands in his pockets.

You rolled your eyes so deeply at him you almost wanted to push him in the chest. So you did, light like a feather like you always did and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know I wouldn’t do it if I was forced.” He spoke honestly and you nodded yourhead. Deep down you knew. Of course, you did.

“Sleeping with someone for a title means there’s no worth in it. That means you didn’t get the title because you were good. You got it because you slept with someone.”

The more Luke talked, the more your smile grew. This was so Luke and to hear it made you bobble up, and in a good way.

“Come,” He nodded his head towards the direction that lead back to the dorms.

“What?” You asked confused, trying to understand where he was heading.

“Parties has never really been your thing. Let me follow you home.”

It had been such a long time since you had heard those words. Even though it had only been a couple of weeks, you felt it had been years.

You nodded your head in agreement and followed him between the trees that lead back to the small paths. You shortly looked over your shoulder to see if Camille had gotten rid of Noah which she had. She was smiling towards your direction and she gave you a small nod before you turned around.

Luke was humming a quiet tone as you walked, his eyes gazing up towards the stars that were just a bit visible. A few clouds were clouding, but not enough for the view to be gone.

“Is it too weird to ask how you’ve been feeling?” He tried not to come off as awkward, but he did. He laughed it off and shook his head in disbelief.

“I know you’ve been off recently.”

“Well, that wouldn’t come as a shocker.” You mumbled, more to yourself than him.

You were surprised at how the conversation was so easy. You had expected it would be just a little bit awkward. Or at least with some tension but you were sliding through the conversation easily. You almost didn’t feel that you had broken up.

The only thing that was separating you from being friends and in a relationship was that you weren’t holding hands.

It was something you had always done, no matter where you headed. It was a habit you loved.

“I’ve had more time focusing on other stuff. I’ve also been kind of isolated. Skipped a few practices just to make sure I didn’t have to look at you.”

“Ouch,” He mumbled as if he had been burned. He had though, verbally.

“You know if I could have skipped some practices I would. Just so you could also be there without feeling affected or uncomfortable. I’ve just been forced, literally. Coach would kill me if I didn’t show up, especially because of today’s events.”

“Oh right…” You mumbled. “Congrats with the title.” You said with a wink, hinting towards his previous statement.

“Thank you.” He smiled generously.

“You’ve kind of been here since the start so if someone understands, it’s you.” He admitted and you nodded your head in agreement.

It was true. You had been watching him on the sideline as a cheerleader since he started here at college. He wasn’t interested in the title at high school but here it was something different. He worked hard to get it, he showed the best of himself every time and he was a great teammate.

No other deserved it. The title was fully earned.

“You remember our old rituals?” He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows. You weren’t so sure at first.

“How we would always celebrate a win with curly fries and béarnaise?”

By that, you felt ambivalent. You felt so happy that he still remembered, but you also felt your heart sink just a bit. It was hard trying to think back to the moment because it was not something that was going to happen tonight. It was an old tradition.

“Yeah. You would always scrape the pan afterward.” You shook your head in disbelief, thinking back to the memory.

He laughed, his smile all over his face, it also affected you. You smiled also and looked over at him.

“I mean, I can’t help myself. I love it.” He admitted, placing his hands in his pockets.

You nodded your head in agreement and looked up at the sky. The moon wasn’t so big tonight. Not even close to being full.

“Yeah. I thought you had forgotten about our traditions.”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows by your words and looked at you puzzled. “What do you mean?”

You hesitantly shrugged your shoulders. You didn’t really know how to explain yourself.

“I mean-,” You paused to sigh. “It’s not important anymore so I didn’t want to blame you if you had forgotten about it.”

Luke looked at you for a few seconds but didn’t stop walking. You were getting closer to your dorm, you had even passed by his. He had also moved for a bigger place but shared it with Calum. No wonders about that, they had also shared the last dorm.

“How can I forget one of the best things that has ever happened to me?”

You stopped walking by his words, coincidentally right in front of your dorm and you looked up at him.

He looked so serious about his words, it wasn’t just something that had slipped past his lips without thinking. He was true to his words and he often said something with humor but this wasn’t the case.

“What?” He said before you could and mimicked your voice.

It made you close your mouth that had been open but with no words coming out.

“Of course you’re the best. I didn’t spend four years of my life if you weren’t the most amazing girlfriend ever. I could totally have pictured us married and with kids, but sometimes the universe doesn’t go that way. That’s the thing with relationship sometimes. You grow from each other only to find each other again in the future.”

For so many days you had felt so alone. That Luke didn’t want to waste more time on you, that he just wanted to block out everything you had together and forget about you. That wasn’t the case, far from it.

“I’d lie if I said I haven’t thought of you at least once a day since our breakup. I know you feel the same way.”

“I think I cried myself to sleep the first five days.” You admitted and he nodded his head.

“I’m sad I wasn’t there to wipe away your tears.” He answered, looking sad at you.

You shook your head, “It’s in the past. We’re both feeling better and that’s the most important thing.”

Luke smiled by your words, not a convinced one but he wanted to agree. You both wanted to see the things that way, it meant that you could work on moving on.

“Thank you for following me home.” You admitted, not really knowing how to greet him.

Usually you would have been standing on your toes to kiss him goodbye. And not just one kiss but three. Always three ones in a row and if you had a break between one or two, Luke would always convince you to give you another three.

Afterwards, he would stand and watch you walk inside. He needed to make sure that you were alright and that everything was okay before he left. He would kill himself if something happened to you and he was there and able to stop it before it happened.

“You know I’m always there to do so… Friend.” There was his humor again.

“You’re an ass, you know that right?” You mumbled in disbelief, but it was with a well-deserved giggle you said it.

“At least no matter what I can always make you smile and laugh.” Luke admitted and you nodded your head.

“Come here.” He motioned his hands to pull you closer.

You were a bit hesitant at first but gave in. Everything else would be weird so when he opened his arms for a hug, you gave him.

His long arms wrapped around your body and he buried your face into his chest. This was almost worse than wearing his hoodie because smelling his cologne into his chest was enough to almost make you cry.

You shook your head in disbelief when you pulled away and dried off your eyes. He decided not to make any comment about it, mostly because he understood. He was struggling as well but he was happy how you were handling the situation.

You could have been standing and shouting at each other and that wasn’t the case. You were handling it professionally.

“Goodnight.” He smiled down at you and moved his hand up to touch your bottom lip.

“Sleep tight.”

“You too.” You agreed with a nod and loosened yourself from his arms. Even if you didn’t want to.

You started to back away but continued to look at him. He waved his hand slowly and sighed heavily. You couldn’t hear it but you could see how his chest was breathing in all the air and letting it out.

You grabbed the door handle after putting in the key.

Your dorm was dark, the only thing that was lightening up was the lamp post from outside. You looked over your shoulder just to make sure that Luke was still standing there and he was.

That was when you realized you were still wearing his hoodie. He hadn’t mentioned it, probably on purpose.

He still enjoyed seeing you in his shirts.

Walking over to your mirror you took a look, seeing his last name on the back. It still matched your cheerleading uniform, even though it had captain written on it now. It looked kind of cool and you couldn’t help but shake your head, trying to process the day.

Turning around to walk over to your bed that was when you stopped in track and noticed something on your dinner table.

You couldn’t see what it was at first, you looked pretty confused. Grabbing the cellophane wrapping that was when you noticed the dark red colors. A rose.

It was large and beautiful and a small card was attached to it. You felt shivers down your spine when you noticed what it said.

“August 4th, 2019.”

You quickly grabbed your phone to check out the calendar. That was when you noticed it was the exact date. Four years ago since your first meeting.

You breathed in and felt a small tear in the corner of your eye. You knew he still had the spare key and just the fact that he did this for you was the sweetest.

Walking over to the window to see if he still was there you were clutching onto the rose with a smile. He was still standing by the mailbox with a satisfied smile on his face.

“Thank you,” You mouthed, hoping that he would understand.

He nodded his head understanding and moved his hands out of his pockets. His hand came up to wave goodbye and he managed to mouth “Anytime” before he decided to leave.

You leaned your side against the cold window and watched his tall frame walk down the street. You were filled with so many emotions at once but nothing could compare to that bit of joy you had in your veins right now.

You didn’t even feel shame that you hadn’t noticed the date today. You had been feeling like a zombie the past few weeks, not really catching up with what day it was but finally.

Finally, it felt like Luke had pulled you out of that misery and gave you just that bit of warmth you needed to try to move on.

Shaking your head by his sweetness you hurried towards one of your cabinets to find a vase and fill it with some cold water.

It was with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside you placed the rose on your nightstand and sat on the bed with a smile. His hoodie was warm around your bare legs as you took off your pants and you decided to sleep in it just for the night.

Little didn’t you know that Luke was walking down the street with a smile on his face so big of joy that he could catch the stars.

Just for you.

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