#i was just rereading that chapter of beg for me today and i literally was like damn i could have chilled on the gun kink | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heavenlycloud · 1 year

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the veil~ ღཾཿ༉ ༘჻ღཾཿ჻

one: hell froze over ‧₊˚ ⋅ ༘☆*.ﾟ

warnings: swearing

pairing: huh yunjin x aespa 5th member! fem reader

summary: y/n and yunjin watched their members have eyes glued to their phones whenever they possibly could. they both laughed and shook their heads in amusement while thinking 'couldn't be me'. just for them to both fall into the same exact category of addicted once that first message was sent.

author notes: i realized that i don't really need pov labels so i didn't put them in. but if anyone prefers them or finds they make it easier to follow along in these beginning chapters, i can keep them in (just ask it's no problem!) additionally, will be making a taglist so feel free to drop in my inbox or the comments with your @ if you'd like to be added. lastly, feedback, comments, reblogs, questions, literally anything but hateful speech is welcome and very much appreciated!

̟ ̇ ˖ಎ˚˖࿔ masterlist 𓂅୨⊹ ₊˚๑

you stared at your phone and reread the notification that appeared on the screen for what seemed like eternity. aeri looked over your shoulder and waited for you to accept the match, and when you didn’t she grew impatient. yizhuo blurted out, “for the love of-” she reached over and pressed the accept button for you. panic flooded your veins as you frantically looked back and forth between your two members, “why would you do that?! what the hell do i do now?! i wasn’t ready bro-” aeri cut you off and pointed to the typing dots that appeared on the screen followed by the first message from your new match. she stood up with yizhuo close behind her, “relax you don’t need to freak out about anything. just talk to her like you would anyone else.” as the two of them started to leave the room, yizhuo tacked on, “have fun, we’re going shopping so we’ll be back later.” more than anything you wanted to beg them to stay and help you but they were already out the door before you could think of anything to say.

a little over an hour passed and you still had yet to reply to the mystery girl on the other end of the phone. instead you ran back to twitter, just to be welcomed by the same posts your members made not long after two of them left you alone. skimming over the posts you rolled your eyes and mumbled to yourself, "it be your own people..." [ft. minji who posts about you knowing you won't see it]

the message notification appeared once more on your screen since you hadn't dismissed it physically like you had mentally. for a moment hesitated, debating on if you really wanted to go through with this or not, after all it's not like she would know who you were if you just terminated the pair, right? the internal debate rushed through your thoughts until you just decided to text the girl back.

you tried to think of something, anything to say just so you weren't leaving this mystery girl on read leaving her to believe she was about to be rejected before it all began. except that's exactly what you were doing.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

unbeknownst to you, yunjin was frantically posting on twitter, second guessing the first message she sent you an hour prior.

she paced around her bedroom for what felt like eternity in a futile attempt to calm herself down. yunjin chewed on her lip while debating on if she should terminate the match and try for a new one.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚✭・彡♡・✫.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

your gaze lingered on the notification for what had to be the tenth time today. a moment of hesitation, then you slid up and began typing out a simple greeting, your finger lingered over the send button. however, it was just long enough for you to press backspace and delete what you’d typed... again.

instead of actually responding, and initiating the conversation your mind was flooded with second guesses on the 'right' way to do it. after three tries of coming up with something, you circled right back to twitter. you scrolled back to your most recent post to see if any of your other friends had suggested anything helpful under your latest post...they didn't.

frustration bubbled in your stomach as you told yourself this shouldn't be this hard, yet here you were dealing with a single text as if it was life or death. eventually you just decided to answer with a single word rather than an actual conversation starter. not even a second after you hit send there were text bubbles appearing as lyra, your mystery girl began texting you.

while you sat cross legged on the couch smiling stupidly at your phone, yunjin was in her own room doing the exact same thing on her bed. conversation between the two of you flowed so easily it was like you had been friends with one another for years already. question after question she answered as you asked with you following the same model.

in the midst of typing whether she thought cereal was a soup, kazuha came into the american's room. yunjin paid no mind to the younger girl who entered with a towel in her hand as scrunched the water out of her jet black waves. kazuha started to ask , “unnie can i borrow your hairdryer mine is-” she stopped suddenly and looked at yunjin who was literally giggling and kicking her feet, too engrossed in her own texting conversation to realize kazuha standing before her.

kazuha narrowed her eyes then snatched the phone from yunjin’s hand with nearly cat-like reflexes. yunjin jumped off her bed and lunged for kazuha as she shouted, “wait give that back, zuha-yah!” the latter skimmed through the messages before letting out a laugh and handing the phone back, “i thought i was gonna see you two flirting or something, not debating on if cereal is a soup.” yunjin rolled her eyes and asked, “what did you want before you started being nosey?” kazuha pointed to the hairdryer on yunjin’s desk and grinned when the older girl passed it to her without complaining.

kazuha looked over her shoulder on her way out, “i’ll get it back to you in the morning because it’s late. goodnight unnie, thank you!” yunjin didn’t look up from her phone as she mindlessly replied, “night zuha.” upon the words she spoke did she realize the meaning behind them and she checked the time, eyes widening when she realized it was nearing midnight.

yunjin frowned as she read your next message that said you were heading to sleep because you had a practice in the morning. yunjin’s frown was replaced with a gentle smile when she saw you add on that you’d talk to her the following morning, and with that she locked her phone for the night and decided she’d get some sleep too.

‎♡‧₊˚˘͈ᵕ˘͈‎ 彡♡ ༘*.ﾟ .·:¨༺ ʚ♡ɞ༻¨*:·.﹢࿐ ☆

taglist: @https-f4iryjin @awkwardtoafault @seungspolaroid

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blueveildreaming · 5 months

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Hey! Just wanted to give a quick update for those who check this blog. I might have been a little overzealous promising a Christmas update. I think writing for applications took more out of me than I expected. Also I didn’t realize Christmas was literally this weekend lmao.

Basically I was incredibly excited to write today, tried it out, and felt like I walked headfirst into a brick wall.

This doesn’t mean I’m going on hiatus (and what is a hiatus, really, when updates happen every few months lol), per se, but I do think I’m going to try to actually take a break instead of just sprinting into dobv. And it definitely doesn’t mean the story is dead.

I just wanted to get ahead of everyone’s worries if a chapter doesn’t go up. Know I’m rereading y’all’s comments everyday and appreciate every single one of you for your support! My brain is just scrabbling at the walls of its enclosure to beg some rest, and I must provide.

#dobv updates #just talking

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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i was just rereading the last chapter of the hand that feeds - as i often do when i need to feel like a knife is digging in my chest and i need to some absolutely scrumptious gut-wrenching angst - and OH MY GODDD!!! i forget how fucking good that ending is and then i reread it and im telling you - literal goosebumps!!! the first section ending with 'This is a story about war.' i literally get chills everytime i read that!!! and the final few lines:

'A butterfly lands in the palm of her hand. She watches it flap its wings once, twice—and then it flies away.

Here is a secret.

Are you listening?

This is a story, and a story is not its end.'

my god reading this part after the emotional turmoil of the previous chapters is literally an out-of-body metaphysical experience. i feel like im dying!!! i love it!!!! :)))))

anyway it just sums up the fic so well and feels like such a thematic like thesis?? it just so perfectly presents such a compelling outlook on life and what defines its meaning and true value. like what makes a tragedy isn't its violent ends or its hateful and tense moments!! its the love and the family and the joy that truly make their lives a tragedy!!! and i love how you so beautifully execute that!!

anyway im getting serious brainrot right now, so i really just had to rant!!! now i have to reread!! kicking my feet and giggling for the angst!!!! <3

AHHHHH screaming u literally Get It. like...YES the ending to thtf is truly so special to me and one of my favorite things i've ever written. gonna use ur brainrot as license to ramble lol SPOILERS obviously

ok so the thing about the ending of thtf is that it is not at all what i originally had planned! like, i don't think it was until i was maybe...halfway? or like two thirds done with the fic that i just sort of had a moment where i was like NO i cannot end it this way it doesn't feel correct...and then i had like a eureka moment where everything fell into place and that last line appeared fully formed in my mind TRULY it was spine-shattering

so like. ok. when i started writing the fic i KNEW that i was not going to do any kind of afterlife epilogue, just because...well personally i was raised to believe in heaven and hell and center my life around that, and i lost that faith as i grew older, and now the idea of an afterlife just. is not something joyful or happy to me. like i know many people believe in some form of afterlife, but personally try as i might i have never been able to, and so i have had to seek meaning in life while believing that like. death is just it. i think ur brain dies and ur done and gone like i don't believe in souls or ghosts or anything lol. but even aside from like whether or not u believe anything happens or exists after death to me personally it's just been so much more meaningful to seek meaning in life absent any conception of an afterlife.

so i knew there wasn't going to be an afterlife. but i also knew i wanted to kill both dorcas + marlene in these very tragic and abrupt ways. like i specifically did not want to give them peaceful deaths. marlene dies afraid and alone and begging a god she doesn't believe in not to kill her here and now with so many things unfinished. dorcas dies consumed by rage and revenge and violence without ever getting a chance to heal from any of it, leaving behind friends and family who love her. and i wanted that partly because i love tragedy, yes, but also because...that is so often what death is. and that is so often what is terrifying about death. like most of us don't get any control over how or when we go, and it could be today or tomorrow and it could be peaceful or violent or painful. and that's so scary!

but i didn't want to end on that note, obviously. because the point of the story i was writing was not just to go "death is terrifying and the End and we don't get to choose when or how it happens!!" what i wanted to say was--death is terrifying and lonely and we can't control it, but life is beautiful and worth living anyway, perhaps even moreso because death is so out of our control. all the painful and scary and beautiful and joyful moments we experience are life, they are living, and there's no one experience that is objectively Better or Worse. like...grief and pain and sorrow are part of the experience of human life, just as much as joy and love and happiness.

anyway, so originally i was going to end with a little epilogue chapter from mary's point of view, sort of her and emmeline after the end of the first war like reflecting a little bit on their friends' lives and moving on. but honestly...that didn't quite fit with what i was saying, because again, what i wanted to say was that life doesn't need to be like...this endless continuing thing to have meaning. like you don't need to be remembered or leave A Mark on the world in order for your life to matter. i didn't want to make it seem like marlene and dorcas's lives were meaningful because of the people who would continue to live after them (although i do think that can be meaningful!! it just. wasn't what i wanted to say).

so what the final chapter ended up becoming is really this synthesis of like. my own worldview regarding life and death--and i feel like writing this story honestly helped me to like pin down that worldview which was a little more nebulous and difficult to articulate before. but like--last chapter. i wanted to take all these moments, both good and bad, from marlene and dorcas's lives--again, to emphasize that the "good moments" are not somehow inherently more important or meaningful than the "bad," that all life is experience and humanity and just...worth it. even the painful moments have meaning. and i also wanted to chop those moments up in time, to show that--hey! time doesn't matter.

like, we're so bound to this very linear view of timelines where life is like...i dunno. a straight line or a road or something. something you start and then you follow through to its end, and it's supposed to be like...a journey with a Final Destination. and we get scared of the End of that linear journey and we try to find ways to prolong it or tell ourselves that it doesn't have to ever end, that it can just keep marching forward in time.

and i mean, i'm still young. maybe my views will change. but as much as we are bound by linear time, i don't think that we need to measure life by those standards. all the moments of your life, good and bad and beautiful, they all exist somewhere in the fabric of the universe, forever. maybe that's a little optimistic streak of the spirituality i was raised with, but...yeah. all moments in life are meaningful, and they all exist somewhere in time, and so why does it matter what the "last" moment is? maybe death will be peaceful, or maybe it won't, but it's okay, because your death isn't your life. and that's what i'm trying to get at with the very last line--literally, a story is not its end. you can go back to any moment of a story and experience it again, you can skip around and read your favorite parts, and a story wouldn't be a story without every word and page in the book, y'know? so why should we fear the very last page? and why should we despair over the conflicts and the bits of the story that make us cry? it's all part of the story! it's beautiful! i love life and i love being human! and dorcas and marlene's lives were beautiful and tragic and wonderful and that's what being human is, and they died alone but they didn't live alone, and just....yeah! this ending is so so special to me <3

#thtf #the hand that feeds spoilers #ask

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unethicalexperiments · 1 year

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idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.

and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?

but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.

#talking to myself #content warning for like. borderline personality disorder. i guess.#this is just a wall of text bc i wont go back to therapy no one feel obligated to open or read this

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twisted-tales-told · 2 years

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I would like to share with you: The Jegulus fics that are Getting Me Through It

This is also more for me because I bookmark too many things and want a place where my comfort fics are together

I will be making a post later of ones to read if you’re feeling a “little silly goofy mood” (I’m so far removed from pop culture I apologize if that is no longer something people say anymore)

Deep Blue Waters by ThatBlueNiffler When I say this is my literal comfort fic I’m serious. The story (at least so far) is quite light & Fluffy. James has unshakable faith in Regulus, and it has a Happy Ending (it is a WIP)

Muse in Secret by winlark Victorian era Jegulus, James is a famous British author and has a love affair with Regulus who runs an antique shop with Sirius. I love the way Lilys character is written, specifically the attention to detail around how James has to be careful about how they break off their marriage, because Lily is a woman and at that time woman could not have their own bank accounts.

After Everything, Always by Reggie4dayzz listen I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit skeptical of this one when I first found it. But every single chapter just seems to get better and better and it deserves to be on here as well--especially after todays chapter but I will not hesitate to remove and put it on my angsty list if things get dramatic

don't blame me, love made me crazy by coupe_de_foudre Its a One Shot, I reread it at least once a week when I can’t feel emotions and I’m cured.

library dates, don't let me go, sunday mornings, and until the very end all by ScreamingFae Okay, not all of you will find until the very end fluffy but I Do because I cried but I wasn’t sad? But it was? Can’t explain just read it. Definition of hurt comfort right there.

Okay these next two are Jegulily, if you don’t like Jegulily you don’t have to read them, BUT maybe hear what I have to say about them cuz you’re missing some wholesome shit and for what?

Learning to Breathe by orphan account This is the most Wholesome yet very real post-war shit ever & I’ll never get over it. The wackest thing in the world to me is the fact that its from 2016?? I beg you to give 2016 Jegulily a chance because it hits different. Also baby Harry saying the word Noms for food Made My Day when I found it.

A String of Consequences by semistrawberry first of all the Regulus and Pandora friendship is So Fucking Adorable. Its a hogwarts fic, but no war? No sadness? (okay maybe a bit but just for the depth of plot) Pandora and Regulus painting, Lily being his muse/model as a favour and them just being adorable, James being a lil’ shit and Regulus having to tutor him in potions. Them also being rival quidditch opponents. Pandora just being emotionally smarter than every character? Also some really cute interactions between her and Remus. It is a WIP and every update just seems to happen when I’m in a bad mood and I always feel better after. At least so far.

Anyways yeah these are my comfort fanfics. I read them when I need to remind myself that the world can be Soft sometimes

#jegulus #jegulily #regulus black #james potter x regulus black #James Potter #james fleamont potter #regulus deserved better #happymarauders #marauders fanfiction

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arbitrarycategories · 2 years

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Has no one said deku and his dad toshinori for the ask game yet 😞

Midoriya Izuku

favorite thing about them: his sheer fucking drive, man. this boy decides what he wants to accomplish and just accomplishes it. that’s fucking insane. thinking about Dagobah beach blows my mind every time.

least favorite thing about them: holy FUCK dude please learn how to care for your own mental health. there is more to health than physical. PLEASE learn this buddy.

favorite line: “Up till now, I’ve come across all types. They’ve refused to back down... so fighting was the only way to stop them. But... I never understood what made them turn out that way. If I had, maybe things would’ve worked out differently. Or, who knows? Maybe I still would’ve had to fight them anyway. Shigaraki killed so many people. He’s hurt people near and dear to me. And yet!! One For All is a power meant for saving, not killing. All Might taught me that.” from chapter 305.

brOTP: Midoriya & Uraraka

OTP: Midoriya/Bakugou, which if you follow me you already knew <3

nOTP: Midoriya/Chisaki. saw some overdeku art on pinterest today. why. what the fuck.

random headcanon: he was the ER kid as a tiny baby as well... breaking his bones in high school is just the upgraded version of needing stitches because he crashed his bike at age six. and needing stitches because he fell out of a tree at age eight. and needing a boot because he sprained his ankle trying to hop a fence “like a cool hero, mom!” at age ten. Problem Child <3

unpopular opinion: All Might telling him he couldn’t be a hero would NOT have made him turn to the villain’s side. I reread that scene before I started writing my fic, and not only does All Might outline all his reasons for saying “no” before he actually says no, but the horror on Izuku’s face says that he got the message. once he’s down from the building we even get a scene with introspection where Izuku resolves himself to living a normal life, and we all know how strong the boy’s resolve is! He deadass probably would have wound up as CEO of some company.

song i associate with them: Zero by Imagine Dragons

favorite picture of them:

Yagi Toshinori (All Might)

favorite thing about them: he said "hey the world needs someone to provide hope" and then just went and BECAME that someone. not only is this an INCREDIBLE feat, it's just really admirable that he looked at the shit circumstances around him, and instead of (just) getting depressed about it, he decided he could fix it. he came up with an impossible, fairytale solution, and then just... made it come true. that's fucking ridiculous.

least favorite thing about them: Toshi I am begging you. please learn some self care. please I'm begging. Toshi. Toshi. this isn't what ur mom would have wanted.

favorite line: “So even now, I’m fighting to live! You changed my outlook!! I’m still alive! I’ll use this very hand... to shape my own fate!!” from chapter 131.

brOTP: Yagi & Aizawa. I think their friendship is nice and also Horikoshi's commentary on it is fucking hilarious.

OTP: NONE, jokes on you! I believe in AROMANTIC ALL MIGHT!!!

nOTP: Yagi/Aizawa. I've seen some cute art but. HOOO BOY the AGE GAP no THANK you SIRS.

random headcanon: he was ALWAYS the tallest kid in class. he drank lots of milk but the Tall was always just genetics. his grade school friends were jealous.

unpopular opinion: he may not be the best teacher but he is trying his best! the man literally is depressed and also has never taught before. he has no model to go off of other than Gran Torino who’s teaching method starts and ends at violence! in comparison to that All Might is actually very good!

song i associate with them: Get Along by Kenny Chesney

favorite picture of them:

peak Dork Dad energy like, sir.

this ask was SO HARD to pic ONE fav line and pic for each of them! I just love them too much! But these are what I settled on for now <3

Thank you for submitting these characters!

Ask game: send me a character!

#bnha #ask game #midoriya izuku #yagi toshinori #all might #dadmight #thanks anon!#arbitrary answers

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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 308: VIBE: CHECKED

Previously on BnHA: Lots and lots of Shindou idk what else to tell you.

Today on BnHA: Tired Nomad Deku rescues Shindou from Muscular, and us from Shindou. Muscular is all “OH BOY I SURE CAN’T WAIT TO FIGHT DEKU AGAIN AFTER HE TOTALLY KICKED MY ASS THE LAST TIME!! I’M SURE THIS TIME WILL GO DIFFERENTLY SEEING AS HE’S HAD ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR’S WORTH OF ADDITIONAL TRAINING, AND ALSO HAS SIX FOURQUIRKS NOW, IN ADDITION TO THE CONFIDENCE THAT COMES WITH HAVING EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE’S SOULS CHILLING OUT INSIDE HIM OFFERING MORAL SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT.” Deku is all, “[kicks Muscular’s ass effortlessly].” Muscular is all, “[gets his ass totally kicked].” I for one am very satisfied with this, and with respect to all, I would like to hereby declare this post a discourse-free zone. I’m just happy to see my son out here making good use of his FOURQUIRKS, and more importantly beating Muscular in less than seventeen pages so we can all go on with our lives lol.

damn Deku since when were you allowed to look this cool

from this perspective and with the smoke, cape, backpack, and mask more or less obscuring his actual profile, he looks less like a sixteen-year-old boy and more like a grownass man

OH SNAP

we got a glimpse of this in the cleaned-up scan of 307, but seeing both of his eyes looking so distinctively All Might-esque here is... whoa. I mean we know that his face still looks pretty normal underneath the mask and he doesn’t actually have the black sclera, but still, this is an awesome look. mini-Might

lol Muscular

you and me both. I mean no offense, but yeah

so Deku is just standing there silently

typical Deku. tight-lipped and expressionless. mum’s the word. quiet as a mouse. silent as a grave

okay no but seriously this is so weird and creepy though you guys. Deku please say something or else I’m just gonna mindlessly say whatever stupid things come into my head in an effort to make things less awkward

so Muscular is all “I should probably make a cool speech about revenge but Horikoshi couldn’t think of anything good so I’m just going to stand here clenching my fist real slowly”

“I’m not here to go on a monologue” he says, as he monologues about not monologuing

okay you guys I confess I have only read through/watched the Deku VS Muscular fight once because the arm-breaking is just way too uncomfortable for me to revisit. and so as a result, I have completely forgotten Whatever The Deal Is with Muscular’s eye lmao so let me go look it up real quick

okay so it’s a prosthetic, obviously, and he changes it out according to his mood. that part does sound familiar. I just can’t remember which eye is supposed to indicate which mood. don’t tell me I actually have to go back and reread this shit

lol I’m skimming through chapter 75 now and remembering/realizing that I hardly paid any attention to this the first time around because as soon as I found out the villains were after Kacchan my brain was like “TIME TO FOCUS ON THIS AND ONLY THIS NOW AND FOREVER” and yeah. ah memories

anyway so he started out with the flower-looking eye, and then later on he was all

which begs the question, how on earth could I have ever forgotten the most ridiculous panel I’ve ever read lmao

anyway, but so after all of that, I'm only just now realizing that this isn't one of his previous eye prosthetics in the current chapter; this is an ACTUAL FUCKING ROCK that he's just randomly shoved into his eye socket fkdsjlk

so basically (1) I did all of that painstaking research for nothing, five whole minutes of my life wasted THANKS A LOT, and (2) what, and I have never meant this more emphatically, THE FUCK

anyway so now he's leaping at the building that Deku is standing on top of. but he’s not aiming anywhere near Deku though, wtf

(ETA: HAHA YOU BROKE ALL YOUR MUSCLES YOU LOSER.)

...huh

lmao okay then. I hope those annoying citizens in the building next door are watching this go down and rethinking their life choices

dlkdkljk

just keep standing there pressed right up against the window, why don’t you. “WHAT’S GOING ON THIS SUPER CLOSE COLLAPSING BUILDING IS BLOCKING OUR VIEW.” well, folks, we’ve long since known there’s a critical shortage of hero and villain brain cells, but what we’re learning now is that civilian brain cells are also in short supply

OH THANK GOD DEKU IS FINALLY TALKING THAT WAS ACTUALLY UNSETTLING AS FUCK

SO HE’S STILL OUR GOOD, POLITE, WORRIED, CONSIDERATE DEKU UNDERNEATH THAT COOL AND MYSTERIOUS VENEER. for real, thank fuck, because I swear to god if he suddenly started acting like the Dekus in all of the vigilante AUs my interest in this series would have dropped something like 50% lol. just because he dropped out of school and ran away from home and is currently dressed like the physical manifestation of a Linkin Park playlist doesn’t mean he’s not still the WORLD’S BIGGEST DORK okay

I MEAN, THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. HE’S APOLOGIZING FOR THE DELAY

PLEASE FIND THE ATTACHED SHINDOU YOU REQUESTED. BEST REGARDS!!!

OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SUCH A BADASS

something about making bold, confident statements while obscured in smoke?? idk but damn it fucking works

ffjkkl

more importantly, should you tell him you actually need your copy of Shindou in excel format and not pdf?? on the one hand you don’t want to sound ungrateful, but on the other hand what are you even supposed to do with this

this chapter so far consists of like 50% smoke, but on the other hand Deku VS Kacchan 2 had a lot of cinematic smoke too so who am I to complain

OMG IS IT HIS ARMS

IDK DID YOU?! TELL ME YOUR SECRETS. PLEASE, AT SOME POINT THIS FIGHT HAS GOT TO ACTUALLY ADVANCE THE PLOT

OHHHHHHH

IT’S EN’S QUIRK!! OH MY GOD OKAY THAT’S ACTUALLY AWESOME

I CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF DISCOURSE RUMBLING IN THE BACKGROUND BUT I DON’T CARE LOL. WON’T CATCH ME EVER SAYING NO TO ANOTHER SIXQUIRK. GO AHEAD, BRING THEM ON, I WANT TO SEE THEM ALL but take it easy though Deku. don’t want to give yourself lung cancer or anything

also it’s good to see that in a very real sense he’s not fighting alone. the Vestiges really did mean it when they said they could appear more easily now. this is on a whole other level

so is this whole next page still En talking, or someone else? because whoever it is sure is chatty

okay, several things

pretty sure it is En, because he keeps saying “I suppose.” for someone who never said two words until one page ago, this guy sure never shuts up. we can’t all follow Muscular’s lead I suppose. oh my god now I’m doing it too

really like the suggestion of Deku using the SIXQUIRKS like tools in an arsenal, because that’s what he’s good at! it’s almost like he’s been training for this his entire life. “you value quirks too much” LOOK HE JUST THINKS THEY’RE COOL OKAY IS THAT A CRIME

where the fuck did all this rope come from

not gonna ask what the fuck that thing is sticking out from the back of his utility belt. Horikoshi will surely explain this

is that a fucking jetpack. I’m sorry Deku were six fucking quirks not enough for you. you can fucking float??? but JUST TO BE SAFE, LET’S STRAP A PAIR OF ROCKETS TO OUR SHOULDERS IDK

-- or wait, is this all supposed to be like a visual representation of En’s metaphor?? OH MY GOD AM I JUST STUPID LOL, DON’T ANSWER THAT. NEVER MIND. NEW LIST!!

rope = blackwhip

jetpack = float

radio = danger sense

and so I’m guessing that this ridiculously phallic thing is supposed to be a flare or something?? and that = the new quirk, smokescreen. well that was a fucking ride lmao we now return you to our regularly scheduled chapter

so now Deku is floating to his heart’s content and thinking that he’ll just sneak up on Muscular and vibe check his ass or whatever

WOOOOOOOO DANGER SENSE YESSSS I LOVE THIS FOR HIM

okay guys, I'm gonna press pause here for a sec to make a serious note, because I am loving the shit out of this, but tbh I'm having trouble enjoying it as much as I want to because I keep getting anxious thinking about the discourse. I know that a lot of the fandom has very strong opinions on Deku's character development one way or the other, and I want to respect that. but I also really have no spoons to debate this topic at all beyond what I’ve already weighed in on. so if it’s all the same to everyone, I plan on staying out of this discussion, at least this week

anyway! that said, YEAH BOI GET HIS ASS

VIBE: CHECKED. CURB: STOMPED. HOTEL: TRIVAGO

-- OF COURSE HE’S STILL FUCKING FINE LOL HE CRASHES INTO BUILDINGS FOR FUN IDK WHAT I WAS EXPECTING

dammit Muscular. how many fucking quirks does it take to beat you?! the annoying thing is that even with all of his cool new powers, Deku is still something of a mismatch against him. anyway r.i.p. to all these poor buildings

OOOOOHHHHH

you guys have no idea how intrigued I am at the prospect of watching Deku try to play both good cop and bad cop here lmao

anyway so Muscular says he doesn’t know, go figure

“I’m not here to make small talk or anything” he says as he small talks about not small talking

OH MY GOD DEKU

are you really gonna talk no jutsu all of these villains from now on?? that last battle really did have a profound impact on you, huh! interesting

you guys he’s really doing it omg

Deku this guy tried to murder a five-year-old literally just for fun. I mean more power to you, but holy shit you’re really gonna try to defeat Muscular with anger management therapy huh

I MEAN

WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT RESPONSE COMING dlkjslkjk

FUCK’S SAKE DEKU, I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL BUT THEY CAN’T ALL HAVE TRAGIC PASTS KIDDO

but. I have to admit, I do still like that he tried. probably knew just as well as we did what the end result was going to be, but still. he made the effort in good faith and I respect that

uh oh

why do I get the feeling Muscular just got a whole lot deader

oh my god oh my god he’s doing the “powering up” stance ffff don’t fucking tell me you can still use your fucking arms here, Deku

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY WHAT’S THIS??

okay so basically he’s saying that whatever it was he sensed in Tomura, he doesn’t sense from Muscular. which, yeah, that sounds exactly right. good judge of character here lol

AHHHHAHAHA YESS

WHOOPS, GET FUCKED I GUESS

WOOOOHOOOOOOOO

lmao so apparently this is the belated result of Shindou’s attack from chapter 307?? I’ll be damned. good for you Shindou!! I always liked you buddy. please just take my word on that and don’t fact check that statement

okay lol the one tiny bit of discourse I will allow is that it’s bullshit that he just did that with his right arm. like, I’ll fully acknowledge that. that makes no fucking sense, and I demand an explanation from the Great Plot Hole Filler himself. he’s never let us down before when it comes to continuity so I’m trusting him not to suddenly start now

that said, we love to see a rematch against a boring guy settled quickly and decisively within the span of a single chapter. THANK YOU

I like that Deku implies that his power is being a smart nerd who battles villains using the power of ANALYTICS. he basically didn’t do anything except restrain Muscular and wait for Shindou’s attack to take effect while halfheartedly checking to see if he regretted any of that murder and stuff

(ETA: and almost forgot to mention, he made excellent use of all four of his active SIXQUIRKS. it’s like the chapter title said; this is basically him fighting all-out, and it’s a sight to see.)

also, as cool as the mask was, this just feels right. like, we had our fun, now let us see his face, yes good

anyway, I think this was a good start towards establishing What’s Up With Deku Right Now! so if it’s all the same to Horikoshi, I would next like to take some time to explore Why’s Up With Deku. that, and What’s Up With Everyone Else, Especially Kacchan. por favor

#bnha 308 #midoriya izuku #muscular (bnha)#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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dokifluffs · 4 years

Text

Not the End | Kuroo Tetsuro

Pairing: Kuroo x Reader (female)

Genre: heart warming fluff tehe

Author’s Note: Literally one of my most favorite things I have ever written so I really hope you guys like it too~!! 🥺🥰🥰time to embrace canon kuroo and make more fluff, even if it means breaking a 4th wall or 5th wall- dedicated to haikyuu, thank you for everything

He knocked repeatedly on the door as clouds casted by in the sky, blocking out the sweltering summer sun

He wore a white oversized t-shirt with the periodic table on it and black jeans

“Where is she?” He thought to himself as he spammed your doorbell, hearing the chime echo inside yet there was no movement to be seen

He glanced at his watch seeing the time

He fortunately came early but if you didn’t come out now, the window of extra time would be shutting

He was growing just the tiniest bit antsy since he had been dreaming about this date for so long and now that it was summer and volleyball was over, he had the time

Tickets were hard to get for these museums he had planned and he had a whole day planned down to every hour

It was early in summer so it was perfect, not too scorching hot

He couldn’t wait anymore and pulled out your spare key from your flowerpot, putting it back neatly as if it was never touched

“Y/N?” He called, his strong voice echoing into what seemed like an empty house

He slipped out of his shoes and made his way upstairs, almost always finding you there if you never answered the door, his calls, or anything

Your bedroom was like your sanctum having all that you needed- an air con fan, tv, surround sound, and most importantly, your bed that you had all to yourself

approaching your bedroom, the door cracked open, he could hear the faintest sound of music playing

“Oya?” He knocked on your bedroom door as he pushed it open, relieved to find you

But he didn’t know how to feel seeing you curled up wearing his stolen hoodie, still in bed when you knew about the time for today’s events

“Hey, what’s up? We have to get to the station-“ he paused when he saw you look up to him, uncurling your face from your pillow

Your eyes were red and cheeks tear stained, matching your pillow cover that you hugged

“K-Kuroo...” you sobbed, inching yourself in your little ball form toward him as he sat on the edge of your bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight

“W-what is it?” He was surprised as you laid your head on his lap

His mind went frantic as he went through your messages in his head, trying to remember if it was a certain day he missed- it wasn’t anyone that he knew of’s birthday, not an anniversary date or anything

Why were you so heartbroken?

Your eyes glistened from the sunlight in the room as you teared up once again, little wet drops forming on his jeans

“R-remember that manga and anime I was watching?” You sniffled as you sat up, your pillow in your lap and your fingers playing with the hem of it. “The volleyball one?”

“Yeah, did a character die or something?” He tried to make light of the situation and it worked, just the slightest but your emotions were getting the best of you

“No, but the last chapter of the manga came out…” tears dripped off your chin as you swallowed a hardened lump in your throat, the words aching as you spoke

listening carefully, he could hear you were listening to a slowed down version of one of the opening themes- he only knew this because of how many times you would put on the themes while riding in the car

but this was the slowed down version, or as you called it the “moonlight version,” and it was setting the mood for you, making you more sad

Kuroo remembered the day back in junior high/ end of grade school when you started following this manga about volleyball

“You need to stop listening to this, it’s just making you sadder,” he laughed awkwardly, pausing the song that was playing on loop. he knew this volleyball anime/manga meant the world to you, but not like this

Your eyes lit up when you read or talked about it to him and he asked you why not play for the girls’ team but you settled on being the manager for Nekoma instead, wanting to cheer them on and also being with kuroo and kenma and all your other close friends on the team

It made him feel like you loved the show and manga more than him sometimes and it kinda hurt since they were fictional characters and he was your boyfriend, a real life actual volleyball player

“All the characters got their story, they grew above and beyond, and the main character was finally able to make it to the world stage with his partner from the high school team and- “ your voice cracked as you spoke, the wound reopening, fresh in your chest as everything you read, everything you watched, all the glorious moments came rushing through your mind

Everything you fell in love with for the past eight years came rushing back and you loved it all so much, it made you so warm but it also hurt thinking about how there wouldn’t be any more to it

You wanted to curl into a hole and rewatch and reread everything as much as you could

No more chapters, most likely no more official arts- all you had left was the animated show that would be continuing and finishing in a couple months

“Kuroo, I don’t want it to end,” you sobbed, your hair falling, hiding your face

He didn’t miss how your knuckles turned white as you gripping your pillow, only able to imagine the heartache you were feeling

he knew very well how much this all meant to you, all the rants and extensive conversations you had with him, begging him to watch the show- especially because of a bed headed character that was just like him

you reminded him so much of kenma- you talked, read, and watched everything about this story like kenma when he got a new game or was watching hinata play volleyball

You want to see more, hear more of the voice actors, the characters growing. You want to be beside all of them and see their story to the very end

All the antics between the characters that made you break into a smile or fits of giggles, all the cheers made for the different teams in your manga/anime- all were so addicting

“Hey, shhh,” he pulled you gently into his embrace, one hand holding the back of your head, the other rubbing down your back. “I know you don’t but all good things must come to an end, right?”

He glanced at his watch just the slightest bit, seeing the time, relieved to know he still had enough

“Look on the bright side; you were able to read and watch it while it was still being made, you got to anticipate the next chapter and episode, seeing all the characters develop and become great people who’ve had such a great impact on your life.”

He pulled you back and wiped your tears away on your cheek

“This may be the end of the story, but it’s not the end for you; everything will live on inside of you, right?” He held your face in his hands, making sure his words got to you

“It won’t be the end of your life, or any of your favorite characters’. The story you were presented with came to an end but their lives are still going, just like yours.”

You buried yourself into his arms, muffling your cries into his neck as he chuckled, holding you

“Come on, get dressed and I’ll make sure all this sadness you’re feeling will go away. I’ll be the wind that’ll shift the storm cloud brewing above your head,” he stood up, still holding you and setting your feet on the ground

“I won’t let you be sad, not on my watch, chibi-chan,” he looked down to you with a smile as he pat your head. “Your body won’t even realize L-trytophan’s being converted into L-5OH-trytophan, converting serotonin by an aromatic L-amino acid decarboxylase.”

The gawk you had made him let out his hyena laugh, just hurting his pride ever so slightly that he had made one of the smoothest lines in love-history and you didn’t even swoon

“I’m gonna make happy chemical in your body make your heart go doki doki,” he put simply to which you nodded, breaking in to a laugh, calling him a nerd under your breath as you changed

But he was your nerd, and he was right

No matter where you were in life, you got to have this special manga and story in your life and experience it first-hand whereas others were missing it

Everyone lives on, even if you can’t see them

Thank you, Furudate, for bringing Haikyuu into this world <3

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

Tags (let me know if you wanna be tagged for all my haikyuu posts): @yams046 @mazey-chan @sunboikyo00 @kara-grayson04 @fortheloveofbakugo @tsumtsumsemi @osamuonigiri @sam-ate-giorno @1-800-wholesome @realityisoftendisapointing@plantisnotplant @k-eijiakaashi @pink-panda-pancakes @differentballooncollection @osamusamusamu@therainroguefanfiction @euphorihan

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

Text

10/6/2021 DAB Transcript

Jeremiah 6:16-8:7, Colossians 2:8-23, Psalm 78:1-31, Proverbs 24:26

Today is the 6th day of October, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I am Brian, it is wonderful to be here with you today. As we continue our journey and settled into this 10th month of the year, as we continue our journey through the book of Jeremiah and the letter to the Colossians. We’re reading from the Common English Bible this week, Jeremiah chapter 6, verse 16 through 8 verse 7.

Commentary:

Okay so, we’re reading in the 2nd chapter of the letter to the Colossians in the New Testament. And, what Paul lays out today is our reality and in describing that reality he’s kind of coming against some other behaviors that have been taught, like this is what will lead you to righteousness. So, he says don't let anybody judge you about eating or drinking, or about a festival, a new moon observance or sabbaths. These religious practices are only a shadow of what was coming. Don't let anyone who wants to practice harsh self-denial and worship angels rob you of the prize. And so, what is the prize? The prize was described today. Literally, I can't say it in another way that's better, or teach it, like Paul teaches it out of this letter exactly as it's intended to be received, so I simply want to reread about five verses while highlighting this is supposed to be the reality, we live in. This is supposed to be what normal looks like to us. And so, Paul says “See to it that nobody enslaves you with philosophy and foolish deception which conform to human traditions and the way the world thinks and acts rather than Christ. All the fullness of deity lives in Christ's body. So, all the fullness of God lives in Christ's body. And you have been filled by Him who is the head of every ruler and authority. In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision not administered by human hands. The circumcision of Christ is realized in the stripping away of the whole self, dominated by sin. In other words, that was cut away and discarded, the self, dominated by sin. You were buried with Him through baptism and raised with Him through faith in the power of God who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead, because of the things you would done wrong and because your body wasn't circumcised, God made you alive with Christ, and forgave all the things you had done wrong. He destroyed the record of the debt we owed with its requirements that worked against us. He canceled it by nailing it to the cross.” Oh, that is our reality. And it's not like we have encountered these concepts in Paul's writings, but here it is laid out concisely, we aren't who we were. Things have changed. We have changed. In fact, so much so that who we were is well, dead, no longer existing. We have been resurrected into a new life. Again, this is kind of, I mean it's a mind blowing, let's not, let’s not take that off the table, its mind blowing. But it's also essential Christian teaching, like 101. It's the basic understanding. But man, if we could get the fundamentals, if we could get the basics down, because if we look at this and this is the reality, then why don't we live like this is the reality? Like, that’s the question, right? If this is the reality and we’re now living in reality than what are we doing, besides living in a false reality that is considerably less then what the good news offers us? On one hand, we can make this really encouraging and bolster ourselves and rise up, and yeah, we’re going to do this, but on the other hand, this is not really just about us. This is how the world will know, this is how Earth's people, who do not know Jesus will come to understand. We have been entrusted; we’re supposed to be living this reality. Anything less is just less.

Prayer:

And so, Holy Spirit, come into that. We confess that we have elected to live less, more of the time, then is easy to admit. The letter to the Colossians tells us that the fullness of God is in Christ, and we are filled by Christ who is the head of every ruler and authority, that's hard to get our mind, it's so big and so good, it's hard to get our minds around. And yet we choose to ignore things like this when there, they change everything. You change everything and we just try to moderate that which essentially makes us live less than You've offered. And we don't want to do that anymore and we need to not do that because we are the light of the world, a city on a hill, the salt of the earth. And so, come, Holy Spirit, not only let this message transform our own hearts and encourage us but give us a sense of purpose and understanding about why this reality has been offered to us in the first place. Come, Holy Spirit into this we ask You to lead and direct us and guide us. Lead us into all truth. We pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here, so be sure to check that out. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can check it all out with the drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. Places like the Community section which is well, that's where different links are to get connected on social media, provided social media platforms are up and running but it is also the home of the Prayer Wall. The Prayer Wall is there and available day or night, no matter where you are in the world and no matter what is swirling around in your life, you don't have to be alone, which is one of the things that we worked so hard around here on as we come around the Global Campfire, to know that we’re not alone. Just that one thing, that one piece of knowledge, even if it's just knowledge that we’re not alone is so helpful sometimes when we feel nothing but alone. And the Prayer Wall is always there and so you can always go and ask our brothers and sisters to pray for us. We can also go and pray for our brothers and sisters. And that's how works right, we give and we receive and we give and we receive from one another in so many different ways, so don't be a stranger to the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission to continue to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered to anyone who can hear it, anyone who will listen anywhere on this planet, any time a day or night, and to build community around the rhythm, as we call it the Global Campfire. This rhythm, the next step forward together. If that is meaningful to you, then thank you for your partnership, we wouldn't be here at all, if we weren't in this together. So, thank you. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement; certainly, the Prayer Wall is a place to go but you can also hit the Hotline button in the app, that little red button up at the top, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hey everybody, Tony the Narrator here. Just a big shout out to everybody just to let you know that I’m praying with you and for you. I love all of you but yeah. Quick prayer request if possibly; my Mum’s come down with COVID for the second time. She's had both of the Oxford shots and she still come down with it and she's got a cold at the same time and it's really, she's, she's going through it, bless her, she's going through the ringer. She actually got it in November 2019 before we all knew what it was. So yeah, it was, it was, she was one of the very early cases and she picked up a new version of it so, if I could just, please beg your prayers over my mum. I’ve already told her that your all praying because I know that I can trust you guys in DABC. I’ve told her that she's got hundreds and hundreds of thousands of Christians around the globe praying over her right now because time is irrelevant when you’re speaking to the Lord and she also said to say thank you and she said all that’s lovely, which is very English thing, don’t worry. And so, yeah, please hold my mom up in prayers she’s going through it and this is a really beautiful opportunity for me to be able to share the gospel with her and to let her know that actually she's got a Jesus who is caring for her. So, guys, I love you so much. I'm going to be able to share the gospel with my mom because of you and I love all of you. You’re all mine.

Hello beautiful family this is Susan calling from Albuquerque. I just wanted to lift a couple people up in prayer. The first one: Mark the teacher in Australia, he called about his brother who's been missing in the Outback for a couple months now and can’t imagine how, how worried you must be. I'm just kind of speechless. I can’t imagine. And the other is Bonnie from Virginia who has managed, who came here from another country and I'm assuming it's from a culture that, where women are thought of as no less important than dogs. And I, you came over here and managed to escape from a very big abusive situation. Oh, my goodness, you are so courageous and I'm so grateful you are here, there is no accident you came here and we're just all loving you and supporting you and I just wanted to say that and I'm so glad you called in. So, Father I wanted to lift up Mark and Bonnie today and we come together because Your family we love you very much and we love Your children and our brother and our sister. Please encourage Mark. Please help him find his brother-in-law. I know that they're terribly worried and they need peace of mind, please comfort this family and help them find an answer very soon. And Bonnie, please continue her recovery from this abusive marriage. I'm all out of time now. Love you all.

Good morning my DAB family. This is Judy from Georgia. This message goes to Victoria Solider. Victoria, I'm so sorry my sister to hear about your brother passing. May God comfort and keep you in His care and comfort the rest of your family and give you the strength to get through this time of mourning. We’re all praying for you my dear. Have a great day everyone. God bless you all.

Good morning Daily Audio Listeners all around the world and here in the United States. This is Maurine from Alexandria. I want to call myself Dr. M, because that's how many people refer to me. So anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am so grateful to all of you for your contributions, for your prayers and I want to say a quick prayer for everyone today, Sunday. For your healing, for your deliverance, for God's peace and for God’s protection in your life. For all those who are suffering from COVID, I pray for God's healing. For all those who have lost their loved ones, I pray for God's comfort. For all those who are finding strength in the word of God, may you be strengthened in every area of your life. Father, thank You so much for my brothers and sisters all over the world. Thank You so much for this place where we can come together to pray and to study Your word. May Your divine presence strengthen, encourage, provide, protect and heal. In the name of Jesus, by the way, thank you for such a beautiful, beautiful time together daily. And we ask that your blessing continue on Brian and his family. Lord, we love You, we bless You, we worship You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Good morning everybody, it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow Flower calling. I just want to lift up Victorious Solider in prayer today and her family, over the loss of her loved brother. Dear God, dear God, I am so thankful that her brother has been saved and is enjoying the benefits of his faith here on earth. I am joyful that his heart and soul and mind and body are with you, right at this time. But for those left behind God, it's hard. And I pray Your arms of comfort about each and every one of them and that You would strengthen them and guide them and lead them through this hour of grief. I pray dear Lord that You would especially bless Victorious Soldier with leadership she needs in guiding this family through this terrible time. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

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jenroses · 4 years

Text

Dear Good Omens Fandom *

*And others.

It’s time to talk about footnotes.

Okay, so there are a number of different ways to augment text in a print book to provide more information. When expanding on an idea, on a page, one often puts a footnote to a SHORT paragraph that appears on the same page. In digital versions, all the footnotes are often at the back of the text and linked to via some variant of a hyperlink.

Functionally, in a print book, most people will read the paragraph or sentence the footnote is in, drop their glance to the bottom of the page, and look up again. Grade: B+, perfectly serviceable.

Functionally, in a properly coded digital document such as an Ebook or web page, one clicks the footnote symbol or number, reads, and then either clicks it again or hits the back button to get back to where they were. Grade: C-, if you exit on the bookmark you may never get back to where you started, if you hit a back button, the document may reload if your browser is being techy, but if it is coded right, you probably can usually get back to where you need to be.

If it is not coded properly or at all, F-, not functional, will not read.

When providing references or receipts, one uses references, often a numerical list or alphabetical list at the back of the book, chapter or article. The point is that if someone wants more information, they can get it. In a nonfiction article, this works well.

You provide your reference in whatever style is appropriate to the publication, people can find what they need, the document is rarely long enough to care about flipping back and forth. Online, even easier. People can click through, open in a new window, whatever. Grade for nonfiction: A+. Provides extra information in an accessible way.

Grade for fiction... eh. Just use an appendix in a print book, author’s note, end note, whatever. Footnotes for receipts pull me out of the story. Grade: B- (or C+)

And online? Use an end note or chapter note. You rarely need to provide links in the text in fiction, just use an end note and say, “By the way, if you were wondering about such and such, here’s where it came from and what it’s about.” Easy peasy, flow is fine. Grade: A

So in a fandom which grew up with a fully footnoted actual physical book such as Good Omens? The temptation is to stick with the original for style, but please, my darlings, I beg you, do not do this. YES, you can absolutely provide snarky asides, quips and expanded information. You can do it without interrupting yourself mid sentence.

But it will be more functional in a digital environment, ESPECIALLY for people who use “whole work” viewing rather than chapters, people who download for reading later, and people who are visually impaired who need screen readers... if you use another method.* You do not have to send people on a wild goose chase to find footnotes, which many will simply give up on and ignore, and in which case, why did you bother? *It works like this. Put an asterisk in where you want your aside. Finish your paragraph. Break your paragraph. Add another asterisk and italicize your text. Voila.

Using this alternate method has multiple benefits. Your quip, witticism, background note or digression does not interrupt the flow of the writing. People read the footnote just about precisely where they need to. They do not get lost. They don’t have to follow links. Screen readers are 100% fluent with this method. And it copies from Google Docs to AO3 (if you use rich text paste and not html) seamlessly with nothing getting lost in the transition.

The eye sees the asterisk,* scans down for another asterisk, finds it, reads, and scans back up a very short distance.

*Like this.

Since pagination doesn’t happen in AO3 or google docs or websites or screen readers set on “scroll”... you simply do not have one of the components required for proper footnoting. Footnotes go at the foot of the page. And a 100,000 word fanfic doesn’t have pages. It has chapters.

And that’s a problem on Archive of Our Own. You see, people tend to upload one chapter at a time. Footnotes are often numbered within chapters starting from 1. But if you do that, and someone has loaded your entire story, the minute they get to chapter 2, those careful footnote links you crafted bounce them up to chapter 1′s footnotes.

The Asterisk method completely avoids that. It removes the coding stage. It removes all bouncing around. It works no matter how people load your work. And that, mes anges,* is functional. And it looks fine. It’s intuitive. And it doesn’t make me want to throw my phone out of the window of a moving car because we’re out of cell range** and I’m having to follow hundreds of footnotes back and forth and I couldn’t load the whole document because the footnotes wouldn’t work that way and now I can’t get the next chapter of your fucking amazing writing.

*my angels, French **true story, happened today Nov. 24, 2019. The wanting. I didn’t actually do it because I’m a goddamn grownup.

Grade for using the asterisk method? Five huge sighs of relief, and an A+ from every single person who uses a screen reader or can just about manage a scroll but can’t deal with finding the back button in the dark for whatever reason*.

*rheumatoid arthritis, stiff hands, lotsa lying down reading here.

The show did not have footnotes. It had occasional voiceovers. It’s okay to adapt your technique to the needs of the technology.

Bless everyone who has painstakingly gone through and linked to footnotes and back again. I know you worked really hard on it. Please stop doing it. This method is so much easier.

If you want to see how this works in a full fic, I happen to have one here. Mitzvah

End note

There is no real correlation between the quality of the story and the quality of the footnote method. I see a wide variety of methods in many stories throughout the fandom. You’re not wrong per se, if you don’t do it my way. But you’re doing more work than you need to, and wasting time you could be doing literally anything else. This is probably best taken as a “going forward” recommendation, because no one, literally no one expects you to go back and redo hundreds of footnotes.

If you reread your own work, and you have a lot of footnotes, it is wise to read it on multiple devices and in multiple ways. Does it make sense without footnotes? Some people will never look at a single one. If someone tries to use the footnotes, do they work in subsequent chapters if they’re not in chapter by chapter mode? If someone just reads in order, text first, footnotes last, are they going to have any idea what the footnotes are referring to? I have done literally all of these things in different fics in the fandom.

#Mine #good omens #writing #writips #meta #fandom

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wizisbored · 3 years

Note

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. / They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

- ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)

#igtlt fic #wildfire fic #teachers pet fic #sf fic

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artboitrash · 4 years

Text

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 5 - Red Flags

Fear.

That's all I could feel.

Pure fear surging through my body.

"Bella. . ." I heard a smooth voice whisper in my ear. "Open your eyes, you can look at me. . ."

More fear went through me, and I shook my head. There was a low chuckle coming from above me. I felt fire in my stomach, beginning to overcome my entire form. I was terrified where it would spread to.

Something inside me begged not to let that warmth meet my heart.

"Rosa. . ." murmured the voice above me.

I could feel warm hands resting gently on my arms, not pinning me down forcefully but holding me gently. I felt my body, still full of fear, begin to squirm as I wanted to get away from the thing causing it.

"Look at me, my dear."

The commanding tone made me open my eyes, and I looked up at the person in front of me. Stefano Valentini lay on top of me, a twisted smile on his face as he looked at me.

"My, your eyes are so pretty," he whispered as he leaned down. He pressed his lips to my forehead, a soft kiss rippling through my head.

The fire erupted through my entire body. The warmth from Stefano's lips fueled the fire, and I began to cry out. I squirmed more as I felt flames emit from my body, tears streaming down my face. Pain and fear mixed through me, feeling my body turn to ash. My body disintegrated and collapsed, scattering across the blank surface that I lay on.

"Bella Rosa," he murmured in my ear that was no longer there, a smile dancing across his lips, "You are such an elegant being, and you will be my most prized work of art."

I awoke with a jerk, surrounded by darkness. I knew it was late at night from how dark it was in the room, making me realize I was laying in my room. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, still feeling the warmth of the fire heat my body. I pulled at my sheets, feeling my tangled pajamas covered in sweat sticking to my body.

Now that I was released from my prison of warmth, the sweat began to cool my body like it was meant to. I lay back, just breathing a sigh of relief. I realized I still felt warm in my core, my stomach twisting like I was sick. I shuddered, trying not to think on the dream, but inevitably realizing that I could still feel Stefano's lips on my forehead and his breath against my ear and neck.

I jumped up, fear surging through me as I ran to the light switch.

Looking around my room, nothing looked out of place. I breathed deeply in hopes of calming down, letting myself take in every detail and mess throughout my room.

No one but me was in my room. I swallowed the saliva that had accumulated in my mouth. I felt my heart begin to slow it's erratic pace. The heavy heat in my chest and stomach cooled, and I shivered as I stood in the empty room.

I turned to leave my bedroom, then I hesitate. I walk to my bag and grab my laptop, flipping it open and turn it back on. I can't handle being alone right now. Though, as I in fact live alone, I'll have to make due with YouTube videos and music to calm myself.

While waiting for it to boot up, I walk with my laptop to my kitchen. I set it on the counter and type my password into the sign-in page. The screen lights up with an automated message of "Welcome back, Rose" before the loading screen disappears and opens on my notes from the guest lecture.

I glance over the notes I had taken from the questions asked at the end of the lecture. I stood there, reading over the exact phrases the officer used and the notes I interjected while listening.

"How to protect yourself:

"The serial killer is likely charismatic; probably attractive (subjective, I'm sure); has a sense of entitlement to women's bodies (since no men with killer's M.O. have shown up); likely did not have relationship with victims, friendship or acquaintance or otherwise; killer seems to go for women searching for modelling or acting or beauty jobs; "distinct affection (wrong word) for actions while dismembering his or her victims"; killer gravitates towards young women with pale skin with mild imperfections and brown or black hair; hair length, age, eye color, and heights varying."

I read over the last two notes a few times. I reached a hand to my short brown hair. I had hoped that because I kept it short I wouldn't put me on the potential menu, so to speak.

My mind floated back to my dream. I shuddered again, then turned to fill my kettle with water. It's dark out, so obviously it's too late for coffee, but it's never too late to make a cup of tea.

I might idealize British culture too much.

I let my mind sort out the details it was focusing on as I clicked on the burner under the kettle. I hesitated as I thought about the list the chief had given us. My mind fluttered with details I had picked up, or thought I had realized.

Stefano's charming smile and charismatic gait. He's the only man that's actually been able to turn my head, the first person I've encountered that I would deem "attractive" or someone that looks appealing to me. That's at least two things checked off.

"Entitled to women's bodies" rang in my head. The thought of how he had acted both times I had spoken with him; the way he kissed my hand when I thought he was going to shake it again, and the way he had pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. The way he had forced me to look at him while he stared at me and held my face in his hand. The way he spoke made me think he believed he owned me, saying I was "his good luck charm," and seeming like he was entitled to my time and attention when he had encouraged me to sit with him and review his photos.

Was I reading too far into his interactions with me?

And the photographs he had shown me, it had reminded me of the crime scene photographs I had seen.

I hesitantly went back to my computer screen. I opened a new tab and typed "Stefano Valentini" into the search bar.

I swallowed to myself as the page loaded. I had resisted looking him up, but now I'm worried about this suspicion growing in my mind. A news article appeared as the first link, and I grabbed it, putting it into a new tab.

I read through the article, it being about the body being found: a woman named Emily Lewis. I scrolled through, realizing I had read through this story before. I kept reading, coming across the paragraph "Emily's longtime friend Stefano Valentini appeared heartbroken at the news: 'It's a terrible thing that happened to my lovely model... At least I was able to capture her essence forever before it was destroyed.'"

My eyes flickered, now finding meaning in what I thought was a throwaway quote from a random citizen.

Could this be real? My stomach turned at the thought. Could this man really be a serial killer? Is he the serial killer terrorizing Krimson?

Those bloody photos, the women in them missing limbs like the crime scene photos. Almost exactly the same limbs missing, their bodies looking less like special effects in my mind and more like actual corpses being used to create photographs.

Could Stefano have used models as props, as literal props and killed them?

I jerked, then sped walked to my bedroom again. I rummaged around and found my school bag, grabbing inside it and finding my phone. I opened it and unlocked it. I quickly dialed 911, ready to make a full statement and explain what I had realized.

Then I hesitated. Was a charismatic man enough for me to call the police? Just because he acted like he did doesn't mean he's a serial killer

No. No, I must be acting irrational.

I let my hand drop to my side and walked back to my kitchen. As I walked in, the kettle began to boil and whistle on the stove. Swallowing, I set my phone by my computer and poured the water into my mug. I exited the phone app and opened the timer function. I typed in the time for my tea on my phone, starting and setting it back down on the counter.

I sighed and turned back to my computer. I read over the statement again, thinking over it as much as I could.

Then the phrase "longtime friend" jumped out at me. Stefano had known Mrs. Lewis for a long time. That was completely unlike what the chief had said while speaking in class today, that the killer likely didn't know his victims very long before killing them.

I forced a laugh at myself. Of course, I completely missed that. I chuckled out a sigh to try and calm myself. I don't need to be so afraid. I began rereading the entire article again, trying to commit it to memory.

After calming myself down, I realized that jumping at shadows after a nightmare is probably not a good idea. Stefano can't be the serial killer in Krimson, I'm sure the police would have centered in on him far too fast otherwise.

That doesn't mean Stefano isn't dangerous or trying to implant ideas in my head. He seemed to be taking interest in me, maybe, since he's been acting somewhat affectionate towards me. Or maybe that's completely incorrect too, and I'm completely misreading the situation.

My phone rang out, drawing me out of my thoughts. I looked down and saw my timer had stopped and was beeping at me to shut off the alarm. I unlocked my phone again and stopped the timer. I turned and began preparing my tea.

As I reached behind my computer for the sugar, I closed out of the news article tab and clicked another link. It was another news article, but not about a murder this time.

I placed my mug by my computer and went to my fridge to get some milk. After pouring milk in the tea, then putting it back away, I pulled out a spoon to stir the tea. I looked over the article I had clicked on, written by a Susan Phi, stirring as I began reading.

It was ruthless. It tore into Stefano and how he portrayed women with his art, how he is a professional photographer but not an artist. It spoke about how he had been injured while working as a war photographer, and it changed how he saw the world. When when he had returned from service he began to make art with a deeper meaning and reflections on what beauty means.

"Oh," I mumbled under my breath. I felt myself beginning to understand.

His reaction when I complimented his work had nothing to do with affection towards me specifically. His photographs hadn't been received well when he exhibited them. People were being so unkind to him about his art, following a set mind that when a man portrays only women he is only interested in the sexual appeal.

That explains why he was trying to gain a spot in my community college's gallery. He believed so much in his work, that was evident when he showed me his photos, but he wasn't being given a welcome reception by the professional art community.

I realized I had been stirring my tea this entire time. I stopped and turned to put the spoon in the sink.

Oh, this poor man. I was about to send the police after him, and he most definitely doesn't deserve it. He has been run off his feet trying to get recognition with his art and was constantly being forced into a niche of "shock value" that doesn't resonate with his work at all. I've seen shock value work, I've made some myself and watched people in my art classes present their gory and violent ideas in my art classes. Stefano's work wasn't anywhere close to that, that is so obvious to anyone who has spent any portion their life studying art.

I bit my lip, bringing my mug to my mouth to blow gently over the top of it. I sipped carefully at the tea, hoping that I would have a chance to make it up to him, despite him not knowing I had that thought.

I look at a few more articles from the local paper, reading about him.

Stefano Valentini. He's most certainly the most interesting artist I had ever come into contact with.

#Stefano Valentini #the evil within stefano #stefano valentini fanfiction #stefano #tew #tew2 #tew2 stefano #His Bloody Rose #Chapter 5 #Red Flags

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allforthecourtt · 5 years

Text

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

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thegirlwholied · 5 years

Text

a story of two stories

...a behind-the-scene that no one asked for, but I cannot help myself, because I have a few thoughts and they’re flowing out of my fingers today.

Last night I finally archived, on AO3, two fics I wrote in ‘08. They have, on the surface, both very little uniting them, in terms of common characters and style (action/dialogue v. reflection) and plenty, the more I try to compare... most obviously that they’re both one-POV Harry Potter oneshots of similar length, one set in 1978 and one set in 1979, written at the same era of my writing.

I named both after Yeats poems.

In October I wrote In Their Autumn Beauty, taking the title from the first line of one of my all-time favorites, “The Wild Swans at Coole”:

The trees are in their autumn beauty, The woodland paths are dry

I wrote it when it was really hitting me, that James and Lily and co. were in their late teens/early twenties during the first Order/Voldemort War, that I was suddenly nearing the age they were when these fictional characters I’d read and written about through my growing-up years were married, had a kid, and died, and around my younger brother and sister’s friends, was struck by feeling old (ha, ha, ha, I say, a decade+ later). And I was looking at the poem’s lines such as the nineteenth autumn has come upon me/since I first made my count, and all’s changed and trod with a lighter tread and their hearts have not grown old -

I’d like to say I then was inspired to write some brilliant utterly original work sealed into timelessness, but I wrote this fan fic, and, well, I still like it, and I’ll say this too:

Everything I put together and ‘published’, as fan fiction, is easily accessible to me and an instant time capsule to my writing, while my staggered notes and computer files aren’t quite so, and I’ve lost some, too, though I re-find them, sometimes.

But I’ve been able to call this little story up any time I like, and look at it, and know, well... I wrote this when my dad, who loved Yeats, was still alive, and by the time I posted my next little online story, he was not.

I put Somewhere Under Starlight up in December ‘08. By that date it was a little over two weeks after my dad died, a little over a week after I wrote his eulogy. My whole family still felt train-struck-- it was Dad’s heart, on his usual run, and none of us, especially not him, would ever have imagined him being gone.

I usually included author’s notes at that time...which, when I reread years later, usually make me roll my eyes or laugh at myself or wonder, who, exactly, was the girl writing that or begging for feedback, because she’s not me, not anymore...

That original posting does not have any kind of author’s note. No words but fictional ones.

It looks like I posted the first chapter of No Nay Never just about ten days after that, too, though, heaven help me if I remember doing so, I don’t know if I already had most of it written and just put it online, or if it was all just flowing out of me, as I escaped into a fictional character’s struggles instead of mine. I did write there ‘Please take the time to review, any words of feedback mean more than you know, especially just now’

...Which hits me hard reading back as, I guess, a real adult now, not that I’m terribly successful at adulting. I was even younger at heart than my young age, then, and longing, for, I suppose, an audience.

One of my happy few reviewers right then, right away, said, this was so different from your other work. In theme and in writing too.

(All’s changed, since I...)

And it is, and it isn’t, and it is, and it’s funny, in that sense when funny means a little strange and a little sad, that I’d been writing stories about loss and grief long before I ever understood it, beyond books, and so a sliver of something truer than usual went into the first story I wrote after my dad died. Most of it is complete character study, diving into the fictional world I knew best and loved most, and certainly when writing about the Black sisters’ father, that’s not at all my dad, not at all... but for one or two stolen touches, like standing in the hall, to check on his children sleeping, but for seeming too young, too alive, to be gone.

The truest part of it, what I was feeling the most, hides in the title, which was lifted from Cuchulain’s Fight With The Sea, Yeats again.

“You have the heaviest arm under the sky,” the son of the titular legendary hero is told. He counters that as untrue.

'Whether under its daylight or its stars My father stands amid his battle-cars.'

'But you have grown to be the taller man.'

'Yet somewhere under starlight or the sun My father stands.'

The somewhere under starlight line kept drumming through my head; it’s never left me. My father stands. Except then, he does not anymore, my dad who was my hero... he cannot be found under starlight or the sun. And I suppose I’ve been writing my way around grasping that ever since, and while I’ve written fiction and some nonfiction, not unlike this post here, that did that work much more for me, when it came to grieving in writing form, I turned to fan fic first. And because I preserved it there, I can still find it there, any time, welling behind the lines.

This is more just a story of what was and is, not a story with one clear point. I’ve been thinking about audiences and waiting on feedback lately, re: original fiction, and in stepping my toes back into the fan fiction world, as I try to be someone who finishes things, someone with both a metaphorical and literal clean house, I’ve been thinking of the girl I was and who I am and the role, there’s no question, being part of this community from my own little corner played in that becoming. If you want it, this is a reminder that reviews do mean so much, often more than is known; if you want, it’s a glimpse into the unknown real behind one person putting those free and lovingly-crafted thousands and thousands of words out there. Maybe you’ve read all thousands of mine, and did not know this until now: you, maybe, read the last thing, and the first thing, I wrote, before and after the moment that most altered my life and myself.

And while you didn’t know that, you do, of course, still know me, too, if you’ve read any of my stories, probably both less and more than you think. I’ve never lifted anything wholesale from life, but writers steal... and I’ve stolen the look of someone’s hair and the color of flowers and this anecdote and that one line, and every character is a little bit me... even the ones who belonged to someone else first, as is always the case with fan fiction... and yet belong to all of us readers & writers out there, as is always the case with fan fiction. So here are just a few more words of mine, and cheers to you all, always <3

#this is long enough to warrant a read more #but i don't intend to take up any tag #and if you're following me well #this is who you're following #the happy few #my writing #about me #my fanfic #hp fanfic #here are a few things that are true:#the flower color at the November funeral (and the wild-eyed desperate fit over the little things Sirius isn't there to throw?)#that's a Lupin story and he holds things in. I do not. There was a fit.#in Thrice there's a bit about Mr. and Mrs. Potter looking so old that came from my grandparents at the time- their hands especially #there's something of my senior prom in the dancing at Lily and James' wedding #there's something of beautiful boys I actually know who broke hearts without paying attention that went into my interpretation of Sirius #my understanding of non-secondhand grief - and it over time- shows up somewhere in the later chapters of Wheezy #(and everywhere in the original novel i've finished probably)#the way Dorcas and Kingsley in their respective oneshots are a little removed-#the way Lily has a lot of friends and yet remains somewhat apart-#there's something of me in that.#much of my fan fic is sheer character analysis #meta in action form #just interpretation or fun #the motorbike + Sirius flying story - aside from my word selection there is really nothing of me in that #in fact I've always loved with fan fic that distance from what you yourself are putting into the story #it's all the clearer 'no this is not at all this person who i knew it's this character from someone else's books'#you don't have to explain they're a quilt woven out of a million different shards not any one person lifted wholesale #they're already there waiting for you #and it's nice to find them so easy to pick up with like old friends in trying to sit down and finish a few old fics now #meanwhile trying to figure out which backburner concept will be my next novel

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heavenlydreamerblog · 5 years

Text

In Too Deep

Chapter 13

Check out In Too Deep on Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/HeavenlyDreamerBlog

I listened to the front door latch click into place. Then, and only then, did I close my eyes.

I groaned, feeling parts of my body ache, while other parts were sore to the touch. What the hell was happening? At what point had I started to let Jared Bloody Leto own me?

I stood up gingerly, testing my legs which were still a little post-sex wobbly. The bed sheets were all over the place, pillows scrunched up; I gathered them into a pile, promising myself a big wash later when I came home.

At the foot of the bed, I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror. Christ, what on earth did he see in me. My hair was in need of a wash; more bedraggled than ‘bed head’ hair. And my shoulder was now purple bruised from Jared biting into me.

I took one more look, another deep breath, and headed for the shower. The hot water hit my skin, first washing off the smokiness of Shannon, then easing away the sexual tension that came hand in hand with his brother.

I stepped out, wrapping myself in a huge bath towel. I wiped the condensation from the mirror, gently pulling the comb through my hair. It would have to air dry today. I grabbed my face cream, applied some mascara and nude lippie, before checking out my wardrobe. Anonymous black it was, black Jeans, a sloppy T and biker boots.

My mind shifted to Jared again. I can’t understand the power and hold he has over me. Once he’s gone, that power fades and my real self returns; composed, professional and more than able to deal with the shit the world throws at you.

But fuck .... as soon as he walks back into my life, all resolve and sense heads south.

I buttoned my jeans and grabbed my bag. I’d forgotten my phone. It was lying in the bottom of my bag from last night. I remembered shoving it down, ignoring the missed calls from Shannon.

I switched it on, the screen was dead. “Shit, shit, shit.” The battery had run down. I had a list of people who’d be on my back if I didn’t respond immediately to messages.

Damn Jared and to hell with his demands. I grabbed the phone charger and shoved it into my bag which was characteristically full of the every day shit I carried around in my life.

I was furious with myself for not shouting out to Jess before she left for the office. I’d put sex before work for God’s sake. What was I thinking. My boots were by the door. I bent over to tug them on. I removed a scrap of folded paper from inside. I turned it over and saw my name scrawled on the outside. I unfolded it.

Lexy

When you close your eyes tonight, think of me baby girl. The power I have over you is pure pleasure.

J x

I read and reread those words, part of me wanting to fight against this power/control thing he had going on. But there was something delightful about giving yourself up to someone totally; caving in to their darkest needs, pleasure giving way to pain, giving way to a deeper understanding of each other’s sexual desires.

I was lost. I folded the scrap of paper and put it into a zipped pocket in my jacket. Damned man! Even when he’s not here, his presence is felt.

I locked the door behind me and hopped in the car, dodging through the lunch hour traffic, hoping Jess was coping with the workload single-handedly.

I pushed open the office door with my hip, bag slung over my shoulder and takeout coffee in each hand by way of apology. I figured it was the least I could do all things considered.

Jess had one phone glued to her ear while busily firing off a text on another. She looked up as I crashed noisily into the room.

“Yes Carrie! We’re doing fine. Just do what you have to do in New York. We’re more than capable of taking care of things this end.” As she said this, she glanced at me, rolling her eyes. She tapped her watch ... reminding me what time it was. “Yeah sure Carrie. OK. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to Lex?” She looked over with a grin on her face.

I frantically shook my head. I mouthed the word NO. Not Carrie on my back about Jared’s party. That was not what I wanted. Jess hung up, giggling at the horror written large across my face.

I placed the coffee on her desk and leaned over. “No questions, please Jess.” The less said about this morning the better. I had to focus on work with no distractions.

“That good eh?”

“No Jess, not talking!” I held my hand up. “I have to work on Shannon’s party .... no what I mean is Jared’s party, or I’ll be fired.”

Jess laughed and nodded. “OK Lex. Get on with it and thanks for the coffee.”

I plugged in my phone, watching the battery start to recharge. I’d need to crack on with emails first and then start to make an endless round of phone calls to suppliers. I checked on the guest list, checked invitations were being mailed. The caterers were vegan specialists but I had managed to get Jared to agree a few non-vegan dishes. Not easy but he caved in eventually. The DJ was, quite frankly, a huge pain in the ass and was making my life hell. Who the fuck did he think he was. I was tempted to call Jared and let off steam. But ... no ... not a good idea I decided.

After hours, powered only by the single coffee, I raised my head to check on Jess. She was busy tapping away on her keyboard, eyes locked on her screen.

“Everything OK over there? Earth calling Jess!”

She looked up and smiled. “So you’re back communicating with me are you? Is talking allowed now or what?”

I tried to look apologetic but I’m not too sure if I pulled it off. I shrugged my shoulders. “Work had to come first Jess!”

“Is that what happened this morning then,” she fired back, a wicked glint in her eye.

“Christ! Off limits girl, well off limits. Can’t go there and don’t want to go there.”

I could feel a blush rising in my cheeks. I went to speak but was literally saved by the bell, or at least my phone buzzing and beeping into life.

“Oh shit Jess. What have I missed while my battery’s been dead?” I picked it up and looked at the various messages.

Some of them related to the party and I’d already dealt with those queries. I clicked on the next message.

Jared: Lexy ... Keep your phone switched on. Don’t let me down. J x

Jess must have seen the look on my face because she walked over and perched, as she always does, on the edge of my desk. “Let’s have a look then Lex! I presume it’s yet another demand from Jared. Your face gives it all away.” I showed Jess the message.

“He wants to know I’m at his beck and call all times of the day Jess. It’s overwhelming,” I said, clicking in the reply box.

Lexy: My phone is charged, switched on, not on silent mode, ready for your calls, messages and anything else you care to throw at me: requests, demands, threats. Take your pick Jared!

I read the message and hit send. I knew I’d live to regret it but boy was he pushing every button at the moment. Straight away my phone buzzed.

Jared: You’re mine to tame Lexy. I like your spirit baby girl x

I hid my phone from Jess and sighed. “We should go grab a coffee. We’re both in need of a break.” I checked the time: 6pm. “Let’s head to LA Metro, that was cosy when I went there and they do really good coffee.”

“Nothing to do with Shannon then?” Jess asked, grabbing her bag from underneath her desk. She knew that’s where we’d met and maybe, subconsciously, I was drawn there for that reason.

“Let’s head down there and we’ll talk,” I said, holding open the door.

*************

It was just as good as I remembered it: warm, welcoming with the most wonderful aroma of coffee drifting out to greet you. We found ourselves a corner table and settled down. The babble of voices and conversations were a pleasing backdrop after the relative silence of office working.

We waited for the coffee to arrive before resuming the conversation that had sort of started back at work.

“So, what happened last night with Shannon?” Jess asked. “I didn’t hear you come in so it must have been really late.”

I looked down, rubbing my finger around the rim of the mug, working out how much of the story to tell.

I decided to start at the beginning. “Remember when you asked me about brothers and sisters. Remember I said I was an only child.” I paused, looking up at Jess. “I wasn’t telling the truth exactly.” I breathed deeply before carrying on. “I had a twin brother, Max.”

I wasn’t too sure I could hold it together to say much more than that. “Jess, it’s so difficult to talk about. He had his demons and one of those was drugs. He died from an overdose five years ago,” I said.

“It tore me apart and even now I struggle to deal with the pain. Let’s just say that last night brought it all back. I couldn’t stay and I ran away. I just left Shannon. I told him not to call me. I left him when he begged me to stay. I haven’t answered his calls....”

“Whoa slow down here Lex.” Jess reached over and held my hands tightly. Tears were running freely down my face now, the memory of Shan’s face imprinted forever in my memory. I never had time to save my brother. Now I had abandoned someone else I held close to my heart.

I covered my eyes, but then the sobs started. I felt Jess move to my side of the table and wrap her arms around me. “Lex, what happened that was so awful babe? You don’t have to tell me everything, but why did you run away?” She held my head to her chest, the rise and fall of her breathing calming me. She rubbed the back of my neck, waiting for an answer.

“He’d been taking drugs Jess. He was a total mess. I couldn’t handle it emotionally and I ran away. I told him he was a fucking idiot and I left. Just like that.

“I had no control last night. I lost control and I took it out on Shannon. He deserved better and I feel so guilty. And then this morning Jared arrived and ... well he took total control and I felt relieved .... I didn’t have to think, my body just responded to his demands and I caved in.”

I paused, wiping away the tears from my cheeks. “Jess,” I whispered. “I need to check that Shannon’s OK. If anything happened to him it would tear me apart.”

“In that case, take out your phone and we’ll work out the best message to send him,” she said, handing me a tissue and mirror to clean my face. “There’s no point putting it off any longer.”

I found my phone. Yet again it had slipped to the bottom of my bag. Thank goodness there were no messages waiting for me this time. I clicked on Shannon’s number.

Lexy: I’m sorry Shan. Please let me know you’re OK.

I hit send and then paused before the next message.

Lexy: I’m heartbroken xxx

The phone pinged.

Shannon: You’re not as sorry as I am <3 xxx

Shannon: Please don’t break my heart.

Lexy: Let’s start again ... but promise me ... no drugs ... please Shan.

Shannon: Help me then Lexy. Don’t leave me like last night. I want you here with me xxx

Jess finished off her coffee, watching Lexy smile as she read through the messages.

Lexy: Shall I come over? Only if you’re alone xxx

Shannon: I’m waiting. I’ll put the coffee on <3

I looked down at the message one more time before clicking off. “How do I look,” I said, turning to face Jess. I sighed and grabbed my bag, the usual black hole that swallowed entire parts of my life. “OK Jess. Here’s my make-up,” I said holding it up like a long lost treasure. “ Find the bathroom and try to make me look in some way human before I go and see Shan.”

*************

I dropped Jess back home before hitting the LA rush hour, cursing the jams and the idiot drivers while surfing through various music stations to calm my mind.

It took forever but eventually I turned into his private estate, the gates opening and closing behind me. I parked up and took a deep breath, aware of last night and the emotions that had surfaced. Please Shan, I thought, please don’t let me down this time.

I grabbed my bag, checked my phone for messages (none thankfully) and headed for the door. I smiled when it opened after just one knock. Shannon matched me smile-for-smile, guiding me inside. No words were needed. I noticed he’d scrubbed up; the smell of beer and cigarettes replaced by a fresh citrus cologne. He was barefoot, joggers riding low on his hips and tattoos covered by a long sleeve T.

“Coffee’s on. Let’s go and sit down,” he said, again guiding me, hand on the small of my back, attentive and seemingly apologetic. “I... I’m really sorry about last night Lexy.” We were at the breakfast bar. He pulled out a stool and helped me sit down. He pulled another alongside and settled down.

“I owe you an apology.” He reached over and took my hand in his. “I hated everything about myself last night. Giving in to all that shit was the worst. And ..... I can’t bear the thought you had to see me in that state.”

I felt him gently apply pressure to my fingertips, rubbing his thumb from side to side, avoiding eye contact.

“Remember when we were on the flight over and I said I didn’t want you mixed up with all this shit. That’s part of it. I’m not perfect, I have my demons and – only very occasionally – they come and bite me on the ass.”

I was taking this all in, listening and thinking what to say. I slipped off my stool, and stood next to him, pushing open his legs so they straddled my hips. He shifted forward so I could rest my head on his chest. I felt his arms fall gently on my back.

“Shan, there was a very good reason I ran off and left you last night.” I paused, feeling that knot of dread tightening in my stomach. “We’re both strangers to each other really. When we met on the plane, I was so attracted to you. I mean really attracted Shan. When we parted you were on my mind all the time.

How did I begin to tell him about Max, the drugs and my broken heart?

“I felt his fingers move, tracing up and down my spine. “So what happens next Lexy? Do we still see each other?”

I sighed, rubbing my cheek against his T-shirt. “That depends Shan. It depends on so much.”

I looked up, feeling his hands move to my hips, guiding me in closer. “Talk Lexy. I can tell something’s bothering you. Take your time and just tell me what’s up.” His words were spoken slowly, matching the rhythm of his fingertips on my skin.

I began: “Last night brought back memories which I keep buried deep within me. It’s something I don’t talk about. Seeing you in that state made me realise how deeply I feel about you. The thought of something happening to you ....” I paused for a moment, collecting myself. “Just the thought was too much.”

I continued: “I’ve been there before you see. I’ve experienced that heartache of losing someone I love through drugs.”

I went on to tell him about Max, the painkillers leading to heroin, his death and the endless counselling that failed me. I talked more about my twin brother in those moments than I have since sitting in front of all those therapists years ago.

“And that’s why I had to leave last night. I was terrified of losing someone else to drugs.”

What I didn’t say was someone else I felt so strongly about. I wasn’t going to say the L Word but Shannon was worming his way under my skin.

“Oh fuck Lexy I’m so sorry.” I felt his arms pull me in tight, holding me, holding back the emotions fighting to drag me under.

“That’s why Shan,” I murmured. We stayed there, me standing, him sitting on the bar stool, bodies joined in that moment. “That’s why I left ... and that’s why I’m back ... because if anything happened to you, it would break my heart again.”

If you want to be tagged in future fanfic, just drop me a little message!

@letojokerownsme @letsbeautifuldisaster @nikkitasevoli @beautorigin @i-writeandread @wolfgirl624 @lostinletoland @llfd1977 @reikihealermary @jaredlxto @lifeonmars30 @msroxyblog @darlingdiary87 @sassymoviesshannonletoparty

#jared leto #jared leto fan fic #jared leto fan fiction #shannon leto #shannon leto fanfic #shannon leto fanfiction #30stm #jared leto 30stm #shannon leto 30stm #30stm fanfiction #In Too Deep

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officialthiamlibrary · 6 years

Photo

Hello! Hello! So excited to share another fantastic creator this time on BTS. Thanks to everyone who’s given this series love and interest. It’s because of you that we keep highlighting the lovely talent in this fandom and today, is no exception. The writer of Compared to the Moon, Six/Seven, and more, parttimehuman, somehow stumbled into our ship and we’re damn happy she’s decided to stay haha. Read on to learn more about her.

Mercy! Ayyy, thanks for letting me besiege you with questions lol. Since the Thiam fandom is quite familiar with one another by now, any facts about you or your life that we’d be surprised to know?

I have a bachelor degree in financial mathematics. (Although I’m not sure how surprising that is.)

That’s wild, mostly because I can’t imagine beasting through an entire degree of math alone. Completely random, but I doubt I’ll have a chance to ask this again. In Shows/Movies, when the characters are in Math class and answering questions on the board, have you ever looked at their solution and thought, “wrong.” I always wondered if those were accurate.

Bold of you to assume that I still know high school math just because I’ve studied the more advanced stuff. Still, it has happened, yeah.

Ahh, touche, touche. Why don’t we actually talk about Teen Wolf and Thiam now lol. How did you find your way to the Thiam fandom? What about them drew you in?

It was a long and not very easy way, to be honest. I think I didn’t get beyond the pilot episode of Teen Wolf until the third try. I had over a month of free time after I graduated from uni, so naturally, I was bored. I finally watched all seasons. Thiam as a ship? Yeah, I’m not going to pretend like it was anything other than Cody Christian’s sexy ass that made that happen. And Theo’s heart-eyes for Liam in 6b of course. I wrote two fics, didn’t mean to stick around for long, and then I was invited to a certain Discord…

What do you think changed between your first time watching and your third?

You want me to be really honest? I had more time, was a little more bored out, had less other options. That’s about it.

Alol nothing but the truth here. Well, now that you’ve fully accepted the TW lifestyle, how would you put your own touches on a Season 7 spin off. What would be your very first scene and very last scene of the pilot episode? As an artist, how would you put your personal touch on those two scenes?

The first scene would be a steamy face-punching/make-out session between Liam and Theo. With proper lighting. Brett would be alive. Liam would look exactly like Dylan Sprayberry does. The last scene would be Theo falling asleep in an actual bed. With Liam’s arms wrapped around him. And forehead kisses. There would be a fist bump somewhere in that episode. And probably a lacrosse game. It would basically be an AU where it never gets dark because we all deserve to see properly after 6 seasons of TW.

“Proper Lighting,” *Slow Clap.* Honestly, we are owed that at this point. As a creator, do you only write Thiam? Any other fandoms or Pairings? Novels or Stories with Original Characters?

No. Actually, I believe these days I write slightly more for other pairings from Teen Wolf. I also have a longfic for another fandom in the works (The Raven Cycle). I will probably write a novel one day, I have quite a collection with abandoned attempts, actually. Apart from that, just like I do in the Thiam pack, I like to write my friends from real life little stories. I guess none of my characters are truly original, strictly speaking, because they’re always either borrowed from a fandom or I insert people I personally know in my stories.

Yessss! Just started the Raven Thieves and it’s my everything. Of all your stories, what’s been your favorite(s) to write or reread thus far?

Compared to the Moon. If I were to make a list here, the 26 chapters of Compared would be the first 26 points on it. After that I’d put My Sister’s Keeper, although it had me crying like a baby. As for smut, I’d say The Hot Cop Showdown, which is about Theo and Liam both turning up at a bachelor party in a police uniform, only that one of them’s an actual police officer, and one’s a stripper. The fun in that was that I wrote it live for a bunch of people who were guessing who was who, and I made my decision completely spontaneously.

Yass let’s definitely talk Compared to the Moon quickly because the worldbuilding is quite intriguing. First, for anyone unfamiliar could you offer a quick summary? How did you come up with what colors corresponds with an emotion? On an average day, what would your color undertone be?

Compared to the Moon is a High School AU where everyone is human, with the little bonus that people show their emotions as colors beneath their skin. While Liam, captain of the lacrosse team, bears a quite prominent red mark in his neck and back and is generally unable to control his colors, Theo, who’s new in school and the lacrosse team, doesn’t have any. They get off on the wrong foot, become roommates, fall in love. There’s a whole lot of drama. And a happy ending, but they do have to work a lot for it.

The idea to that fic came from a drunken conversation with my best friend who doesn’t give a single shit about Teen Wolf or my fics, but the thought had stuck with me. I did a bit of research on the meaning of different colors, but as I continued writing it, I more and more decided to not pay too much attention to that. One of the messages I wanted to convey was to not judge a book by its cover, which, of course, happens a lot in a world where people carry their emotions right under their skin. But the point is that you still never know. What exactly does Liam’s red stand for? Anger? Aggression? Pain? Blood? Or maybe passion? Leadership? Courage? Love?

And what does it mean that Theo doesn’t show them? Is he any less of a human being because of that? Does he not feel?

By the time I got towards the ending of the story, I’d realized that I didn’t want to answer any of these questions. And even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have.

As for me, I feel like I’d be a little more blue and a little more yellow than I’d be other colors, for reasons I cannot explain.

That’s honestly lovely, especially since each color has a myriad of hues and therefore meanings. Including Compared to the Moon, would you say there’s one trope weaving your stories together?

Probably some form of bed sharing/sleeping together/cuddling. One of them watching the other. Someone who’s usually kept awake by nightmares finally getting some rest. Lazy mornings in bed together. Hand holding. Eskimo kisses. Innocent touches. Just a whole lot of vulnerability and trust and softness.

And I remember reading way back when (like Truth or Chimera haha) days that you write all of your stories by hand. Can you go into your writing process a little? Do you still keep everything you’ve written?

I don’t do that anymore. I write my notes per hand, also sometimes a few lines or ideas, but that’s about it. I’ve published around 600k words in the last year, so at some point I gave it up with the handwriting. I still have all my notes, though, among them the letter Theo wrote to Liam in Compared to the Moon. I’m a notebook hoarder, and I find that there’s a certain aesthetic to handwritten things, but now I mostly just sit in bed with my laptop and a kitty when I write.

Whatttt, live writing!?! How does it feel to write openly like that? Do you think it’s changed the way you create?

I mostly write my smut live. It’s amazing because the people who are following it can throw in their own ideas and make wishes. Many times that’s resulted in me taking a story into directions I wouldn’t have thought of myself. It’s a challenge, because you have to let go of the idea of changing something you’ve already written. Ultimately, I do it because the pressure of people literally waiting for the next sentence gets me to actually sit my ass down and type words.

I think it’s made me more spontaneous and more open to the idea of going into unknown directions. Most of the time, I have no idea what I want to write when I start writing it. But I’ve definitely learned not to stress myself about that. Some of the best things happen while live writing. By the way, almost all of Six and Seven has been written live.

Ok, it’s got to be asked lol. Six and Seven. How?! How do you write such steamy scenes and still retain the essence of the characters. Any writing wisdom to impart for writers who want to improve their smut skills?

This is a tough question, because if I’m being honest, I think the least about what I’m doing when I’m writing smut. I just go with it. I think a few good things to keep in mind are these: Call a dick a dick. Please and thank you. Consent is sexy, safe sex is sexy. There is no such thing as too much lube. Bananas and sex should never be combined. Communication is key. Literally. Dirty talk is the absolute best thing a smut writer can do, if you ask me. Them talking about their likes and preferences? Hot! One of them making the other ask for what they need? Hot! A nickname, a “Sir”, a praise, some begging? Hot, hot, hot, hot.

Other than that, one thing I really want to say here: Forget about who tops and bottoms. That is literally the least important decision to make. It doesn’t even cross my mind when I start writing a story. It also doesn’t have anything to do with who’s the taller or stronger one, or who’s the dominant one, or more experienced. That’s all bullshit.

Apart from that, your kinks are valid. Write the fucking hell out of them, seriously.

Everything. Everything about this is the best. I’m so tempted to say, “Introducing Behind the Screen with parttimehuman!” without the wrap of questions because of how helpful your advice is lol. I suppose, one final random question before we close up: If you were in a Breakfast Club detention situation with five characters from Teen Wolf, who would give you the wildest, most satisfying day. Who would be your teacher? And what’s one thing the six of you would end up doing?

I feel like Liam and Theo would be there, probably because they started punching each other in the middle of class. Stiles seems like the most likely one to have annoyed a teacher into giving him detention. Malia is there for skipping maths too many times. And Isaac. Nobody knows how exactly he ended up there, but everyone’s pretty appreciative of his sarcastic comments. We’d pass the time discussing conspiracy theories about what the hell is wrong with Beacon Hills. Coach Bobby Finstock would let us go early, because remember, Stiles is canonically like a son to him. And Daddy Finstock just can’t say no to his chaotic favorite boy.

Hahaha, Daddy Finstock. Finally, what’s next for you? In life or fandom or both?

In life? If only I knew. I might leave my home town (again) and go to uni (again), but I generally enjoy having no plan.

In fandom? A fucking lot. The Big Bang is getting closer and I am thrilled. I’m working on a whole list of other things, as always. Then there’s a special project that is for now a secret, a couple of awesome people will celebrate their birthdays soon, and Christmas presents are in the works. The Snow White AU will finally break some hearts soon. In case anybody reading this is still waiting for something, I swear that if I made you a promise, then I have it on a sticky note somewhere. Don’t give up on me! Prompts are always welcome (just don’t make me write angst).

And anything else you’d like to share?

If there’s anything I’d like to share, then it’s encouragement. From one introverted fandom lunatic to all the others out there. Never feel weird for loving something. Never feel ashamed of being passionate about what you love. Never let anybody stop you from obsessing over a character, or a ship, or a show, or whatever thing. Write that fic you think nobody will want to read. Draw the thing that’s been in your head forever. Share your love. There are more people out there waiting for exactly that thing to exist than you think. Write that comment, share your obsessions, never feel afraid to reach out. As for the Thiam fandom, some of the kindest people you will ever meet are in there.

My inbox is always open. For anybody.

On a proper cyclical endnote, Behind the Screens presents Mercy to you! You know what I’m going to say: the conversation doesn’t stop here. Meet her at these places:

Main Tumblr: flyde

Inbox/Ask: flyde ask

AO3: parttimehuman

Thank you for letting us get to know more about you! And thank you all for reading and requesting her. As always, if you have a Thiam Creator that you fan over, send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

@flyde

#thiam #teen wolf #behind the screens #flyde #officialthiamlibrary #mod: minna

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