A LONG while ago I had made a post considering making a Patreon or something of that sort for my stuff and how I was pondering things about it.

And I had gotten an inbox response (that I didn't post for very obvious reasons y'all will read later on under the cut) requesting I only post NSFW artwork on it as said person said they didn't care about 18+ artwork and went on to explain how everyone's money is tight right now and that they really didn't want to miss out on story and OC stuff.

And I feel like enough time has passed that I can form a proper response. Because I do understand money being tight but...there's just levels to this that made me feel some very offput by this response to me simply thinking about making a Patreon.

The first thing I want to state is that, if I did make some subscriber content, I definitely wouldn't hide lore heavy stuff behing paywalls. It would have been bonus extra content people could def live without or at the very least something they could see weeks or months earlier than people not subscribed to it (which is something many artists I follow do).

The second thing, is that I understand many do not like NSFW work. I totally get it. HOWEVER, I love drawing intimate things, so much so that I already have alt accounts where I post my more adult content for other adults to see for free because I treat it the same as my sfw art. It's just stuff I wanna draw for fun. And it wouldn't be fair suddenly cutting off those people over on my alt and telling them to pay to see my OC's tiddies from now on.

I also very much am not a fan of having people tell me to my face that they don't care about NSFW content in relation to my OCs and stories. Please keep that to yourself or at least in your friend group Discord servers. Telling me to my face is just a major vibe killer.👎🏾

Third, and by far the most important thing I want to say, is that "YES" money is very tight for everyone right now. Believe me, I know.

However, it's super important that people understand creators are also part of the group when y'all say "money is tight". Like I said, society is hella unstable and everyone is struggling. Artists, especially the ones brave enough to be doing freelancing for a living, are also tight on money.

It's why so many have subscription services for their work. Nearly every creator with a story or characters I follow have a subscription of some sort that people can pick as an option to support them.

When I was considering making a Patreon, I definitely was not expecting everyone following me to hop on board. In the past, I have had people ask if I had one. So me potentially making one would have been meant for those people who were interested in it. It would have been a more "out of the way" option of showing support.

That being said, many artists are share their work for free. Many do so because they love sharing their creations with others. While I don't believe the person who sent in the inbox ask had meant to come off as entitled, I do think people have to check themselves when it comes to their responses to artists in general wanting to make a little money off their own creations.

I have seen so many times where an artist starts to do something to earn money, whether it be merch, adopts, or commissions, and people will complain because there's a price tag for something they got used to getting for free.

Just like someone who enjoys looking at art has the freedom to decide if they want to give said artist money or not, an artist definitely has the right to decide "I want to make some money from my art".

"Art is a luxury" is very much a two way street. You don't have to pay, but an artist doesn't have to make all their work free.

AO3 Meme

tagged by @dandenbo <3

Rules: Give us the links to your wonderful words with the most hits, most kudos, most comments, most bookmarks, most words, and least words.

I almost feel like I should do two separate categories here, because I have way more of everything on my SPN fanfic just based on the fact that it's been around longer and is a bigger fandom. Plus I've written way more fics for it lol. So, I'm putting SPN under a cut because I am not really active in that fandom at this point, but I want to include it because tbf, some of my greatest works of writing were done in it.

Mass Effect:

Most Hits, Kudos, & Bookmarks : All's Fair in Love and Sparring (mshenko, E) It starts off as a sparring match, and they both win in Shepard's cabin. (Porn always gets the most hits in my experience lol)

Hits: 1154 Kudos: 87 Bookmarks: 14

Most Comments:

Couldn't Utter My Love (mShep/trans mShep, M) Jackson Shepard, Commander of the Normandy spends a lot of time with Alex Atruzea, right hand of Aria T'Loak on Omega. Perhaps not my most popular fic, but one that I truly love, and that the people reading it also seem to love!

Comments: 72

Most Words:

Growing Pains (pre-canon mshep, GA) Alex Shepard hopped a cargo ship with an unknown destination when he was twelve and ended up in the Asari colony of Blackdamp on Asteria. He liked the colony, and when he told Ishara—the Asari who found him in the streets—that he’d rather stay in Blackdamp than be sent to the human colony on the other side of the planet, she adopted him.

Word Count: 13088

Least Words:

Disappointment (pre-canon mShep & Hannah Shepard, T) In which Jackson talks to Hannah about turning down her ICT recommendation.

Word Count: 390

tagging: @waidwn @pastelroyce @commander-krios @nickelkeep @bleuzombie @imbiowaresbitch and @wrathoscribbles if y'all wanna do the thing!

Supernatural (Not counting Season Z because I only wrote two chapters of that)

Most Hits:

Lock Me Up (Destiel, M). Dean and Cas have been together for a few years now, exploring their D/s relationship, mostly trying things that Cas suggests, until Dean finally finds something he really wants to try. Again, porn always gets lots of hits lolol

Hits: 8490

Most Kudos: Watching You (Destiel, E) Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak barely knew each other when they were forced to marry by a legal contract between their respective fathers. That was a month ago, and though they’ve been sharing a bed for that entire time, they have yet to consummate the marriage. But Castiel can’t deny his new husband is sinfully hot, and the more time they spend together, the more he thinks he’s falling for him. But Dean never gives any indication that he might feel the same way. Until one night when he thinks Castiel is asleep.

Kudos: 518

Most Comments:

The Quest for the Demon King's Heart (Destiel, E) In a fantasy land, Dean, the Demon King, goes to a distant guild to take a break from evil, where he meets a young adventurer, Castiel, on a quest to slay the Demon King. For fun, Dean helps and protects the adventurer, and affection grows between them. Then, they arrive at the gates of his castle.

Comments: 178

Most Bookmars:

You Should See Me In A Crown (Destiel, E) Dean Winchester: native of Chelsea, MA, ex-Navy Seal sniper, freelance assassin. Known as The Hunter, he works with a small group of other freelance criminals in the Network, where they can share resources, vet clients, and choose targets with confidence. He never takes a job if the target doesn’t deserve their fate and he draws hard lines at assassinating people in front of their families. And he’s got a massive bone to pick with Alistair Sorokin. Castiel may be an important figure within the Russian mafia, running their gambling and prostitution rackets, but he dislikes the way the Pahkan, the boss, runs the family. Alistair is far too violent and Castiel believes it's bad for business. Though he detests unnecessary bloodshed, it's an easy decision for him to hire The Hunter to help him dispose of Alistair and take over the ruling seat to restore order and eliminate the unnecessary tensions and violence between the Russians, the Irish, and the Italians. Neither man is prepared for the feelings developing between them as they work through the long list of targets.

Bookmarks: 118

Most Words:

Falling Apart (Destiel end-game, T) Sword & Cross Resident Rehabilitation is a last-ditch effort for Dean Winchester to move past the drug and drinking problems he developed to bury his guilt over the fire that killed his brother. Not to mention the wild visions and smoky, sentient shadows that have plagued him his entire life. It's supposed to be the best Savannah has to offer, but one look at the crumbling tile floors and dangling crown mouldings, and Dean has his doubts. Enter Castiel Novak. He’s rude, aloof, and a total dick from the moment they lay eyes on each other but Dean can’t help but feel a mysterious connection to the man. Maybe he really has lost his mind. But when Castiel starts making appearances in Dean’s vivid visions of the past, he knows there is more to their link than meets the eye. Even if Cas keeps telling him otherwise. It seems everyone at Sword & Cross knows what’s going on except for Dean. Trying to conquer his mountain of guilt and doubt and figure out the connection he is certain he shares with Castiel is only made harder by the “accidents” that seem to follow him. Not to mention his attraction to Gadreel. Whatever secret Castiel is trying so hard to keep, Dean knows he has to uncover it.

Word Count: 49204

Least Words:

Pants (Castiel/OFC, No rating) An almost drabble I wrote for someone during as a request during a follower celebration.

Word Count: 194

abelia, daffodil, camellia, jasmine, nutmeg, 3, 12, 21, 37, 49 go crazy

tehehe let's go

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

i want to be that bitch but i hate having things touching me when they don't have to be. closest i got was a necklace i had on for several months but i snapped it over spring break :/ ig hopefully when i get a piercing i'll have that at least!

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

yes i do! i have two older siblings. i've always been told i'm very similar to my brother, which i find sweet and heartbreaking cause he was in college before i was even like. conscious. i looked up to him so hard though so it makes sense. i have a similar like physicality to him too. i think we're all u know. a product of our upbringing. my brother has always been an artsy dude, always more of a radical thinker and funny and i've modeled my music taste after him for a large part of my life. he's a little more of a stiff now having like a family and a job but he is a freelancer so that's cool lol. my sister is hardcore like. she's disney adult not in an I can't forgive you way but it becomes a bit much very quickly. she and her husband are very Capitalism. she's also very much more likely to side with my dad on things or at least vouch for his perspective. so i think there's always been a bit more of a tough barrier between us. but i've still hung out with her and her husband a lot in the last several years

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

mm. i dont know that we wanna get into this <3 im the same im different every little girl i've ever been lives inside me idk who she was at the time idk if i know who she always was but we're all here and also i've changed so much in a year alone but i have a lot of the same um problems lol idk

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

i don't have a good answer for this other than i still havent rewatched dead poets society since november 2019.

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

UGH um just once i would like to have a genuinely homey feeling room but something still feels off. i have some posters and i got lights but it still feels like. cold. idk!

3. do you leave the window open at night?

not rn but you know who does! peeta <3 during summer i like to yeah unless it's way too humid or something

12. what kind of day is it?

i was on a shoot today for someone's short film and it was really fun! i love working in film i love the crews i've worked with. i stepped in this GIANT puddle and my foot got so so so cold but luckily it was a moderately warm day out. otherwise im very tired and lacking motivation but um <3 we stay silly

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

i have cards from when i was really little and a lot of notebooks and papers from like middle school containing plenty of bad fanfiction and notes passed between my friends and random written rps

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

this one friend of mine who's like insane like i've almost cut her off several times. but we just don't talk a lot. and two of my other friends who are twins and are literally always a piece of my heart though it's been so long since we've really talked

49. can you skip rocks?

i used to be pretty okay at it as a kid now... idk i might flop <3 i'd still try though. sometimes i just liked to throw bigger rocks to see a splash

*Shriv nuzzles himself more thoroughly into @a-big-hat at his short-lived, affectionate rumbling. He still feels shy and embarrassed with the more or less naked women roaming around. On top of that, he is still in turmoil at learning of Bane's killing spree at the Imperial Base. His inconsistent mannerisms aren't helping, making it so that Shriv feels like crying again, though he manages to tamp it down.

About that time, @man-with-a-big-cape strolls along behind @freelance-combat-medic, patting Shriv on the shoulder. He comments that he looks better now than he did before the bacta session. That makes Shriv worry. He doesn't feel very put together at the moment, and can only imagine what he must have looked like before this for Lando to say something like that.

'Maker, must have looked like real shit, Shriv.'

'Nothing new, I guess.'*

Thankss, *he mutters unsurely, being nudged somewhat out of the way as Bane retrieves the fruit he means to give away, at the same time having placed his free hand along Suurgav's waist.

Shriv sighs, not wanting to budge from this spot. He takes into account that no matter what Bane has said about himself, here he is making a kind gesture, even to the woman he had hours earlier threatened to kill at the end of his blaster, and as she is making more smart-aleck comments, no less. This further confounds him, though he is somewhat relieved. All Bane's talk had been so asinine! Is he really such a bad Duros?

The HoloNet said so, the datalogues said so, all those bounties on his head said so, and even Lando and Bane himself. He is notorious. Still, that didn't mean he didn't have a heart or a considerate bone in his body, did it? He is being nice right now, though had Shriv called him on it, he is sure he would get less than a pleased reaction.

'Some of the best people are assholes, remember? The Princess said so herself.'

'She would know. Han's rough around the edges, even though he means well.'

Shriv snaps out of his daydreaming, Bane relaying they still have time to take a dip, though in the next moment Bane lets go, yet he doesn't move away. It only makes Shriv want to cling to him more tightly, but he refrains. He peeks from behind the other Duros, watching Calrissian stroll off towards the Lady Luck, leaving the two of them alone with @crazytookalady as he sighs about duties being duties, and wishing they could just stay here.

It felt like they had just arrived. If anything, Shriv is going to go swimming if it kills him, which he doesn't know what could be lurking in these waters, though there is only one way to find out.*

Yeah, I do wanna, actually, *he says with more attitude than he had meant to, wandering away from Bane and towards the shoreline as he follows after Rose, though he keeps his eyes downcast and averted towards the sand until she is in the water.

He clumsily begins removing his weaponry, followed by his boots, teetering on one foot until he can get each one off in turn. He removes his jacket first, then his shirt beneath, leaving him bare-chested. He bites his lip, but thinks it shouldn't matter he's getting down to his undershorts again, though he for sure refuses to take them off, towel or not.*

You coming, Kil- Cad? *he asks sheepishly, catching himself before using that awful nickname.

Without another word or thought he removes the trousers, too. He enters the ocean slowly, testing the temperature. It's nearly perfect, and Shriv was starting to feel hot, anyway. He gingerly slips in the rest of the way, allowing himself to be submerged up to his shoulders. He makes sure Rose sees him coming before he bashfully approaches, deciding maybe he should just try to forget his troubles and make conversation for once, if he is even capable, focusing his gaze on the waves themselves, still trying to be polite.*

I can get your clothes for you, if you want. I know he can be a grump, and maybe he's not so fun to be around sometimes, but he promised me he wouldn't kill you, so there's ... that, and I'm not exactly chipper myself.

Be-besides, I believe him, *he whispers, almost to himself.*

Want to be featured here? Head to this page and fill in the form!

See what this is about here, or if you’re using the app here.

What’s your fannish ID? Hello! I'm Descaladumidera on all platforms. Weirdly enough I get asked sometimes where this name stems from and the short answer is that my ex and I were just goofing around. He said this made-up word, and I ran with it. It's got a nice ring to it, it's unique, and I can shorten it to Desca.

What types of fanworks do you create? I mostly draw fanarts, as I'm a freelance artist and it's my passion and job. But I also love to write fics, even though I rarely have the spoons. Creating and sharing those creations is just a fun way to connect (and I also crave the validation, sue me). The best part is posting them and making someone's day, because they have been waiting for that particular update or just needed that kind of art right now. I experience these feelings myself when I see particular creations and I just hope I can make someone else feel that way, too.

What are your favourite types of fanworks, when you’re not creating? I just love everything that makes me feel something. Be it a particularly well-made gif-set, a fan-vid of my ship of the week, a wonderfully drawn fanart, or the fic I read before going to sleep. It's just the happiness that people with the same interests as me are out there, doing what they love, and sharing it with the world.

What do you like in particular about this fandom? My current comfort characters are Matt Murdock, Frank Castle, and Peter Parker, so I, naturally, like to see them together. Since NWH I'm deeply in the Matt & Peter pit, especially with Matt as a mentor and father figure. But I also fell in with SpideyDevil and Fratt, and my brain is very happy to see nearly anything about them.

Do you like participating in fan events? I love events! Sadly I barely have the energy or time nowadays to participate. I really hope that will change in the future.

What about your creating process? Ah, I absolutely need some kind of background noise, but it can't be music or I'll sing along instead of drawing or writing, haha! I mostly have reruns of shows in the background or some let's play on YouTube. I also use a Discord writer bot to get myself into writing more and I'm part of the Marvel Art Party Discord, which is great at motivating me. Talking to friends about what I'm planning and showing them WIPs is also a huge part of my creation process, because they are super supportive and always have a kind word for me.

Do you interact a lot with other fans? I try to! Sadly I'm pretty damn anxious, so I'm always worried I annoy others with my mere presence, but I try. In the past I did collabs with people in other fandoms, so I hope this will be something I'll be doing here as well in the future.

Is there any particular piece you'd like to showcase for this post? I just created my first Fratt art—for Pride Month nonetheless—and I absolutely love how it turned out: https://descaladumidera.tumblr.com/post/687601711844556800/the-progress-video-if-you-wanna-see-more-progress I'm also working on a longfic currently, which has Matt & Peter mentorship and also SpideyDevil (with Andrew Garfield's Peter). I just. Chucked everything I wanted to read into a NWH rewrite for my own pleasure: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37712956/chapters/94152343

Is there anything else you want to tell us about yourself? I'm a mess and a soft potato. Usually I'm friendly and like to talk to others, so if you're nice to me, I'm nice to you.

Where can your fanworks be found? You can find me on Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, AO3, TikTok, and Patreon under @descaladumidera! I also have a Carrd that I'm currently using as my website. Discord: Descaladumidera#1395 Tumblr: https://descaladumidera.tumblr.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/descaladumidera Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/descaladumidera/ AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Descaladumidera/profile TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@descaladumidera Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/descaladumidera Carrd: https://descaladumidera.carrd.co/

Thank you, @descaladumidera !

banner by @context-is-for-kingpins !

This is a vent and rant post.

word length: 1029

My mother gave me a lecture earlier about life and how she's worried for me. How I don't have a job and I should get out there and live life and earn money... totally ignoring that my hands are fucked up.

Even when I told her that the doc I went to see to help fix my hands gave me the okay to keep doing art but to avoid repetitive work, such as factory work (which my mother wants me to do). You know what she told me, mind you, she NEVER met my doc.

Your doctor actually told me that you can work in factory work.

BITCH NO HE DID NOT. HE LITERALLY WANTS ME TO AVOID WORK because of how young I am. That is a concern to him that a young woman (at the time 19-20) was already showing signs of nerve damage in the hands. THAT'S BAD. LIKE REALLY BAD.

I'm still in pain and honestly, I've held my tongue because I have expressed that the pain is back and it hurts. And you wanna know what my mother told me when I mentioned that to her two years ago.

That's impossible, I literally paid a doctor to fix your hands. You're making it up because YOU don't want to work.

This isn't a surgeon doc this is more of a physical therapy professional. But still, he doesn't recommend me to get surgery because there is still a high chance that me going through all of that would be a waste because the pain would either linger like now or worse BECOME worse than it already is.

I've tried so hard to explain to her what my doctor has told me but no. She's a narcissist, very self-absorbed with herself (to the point she will not stop using HERSELF as an example), thinking having carpal tunnel is the same as what I'm experiencing (When really the doc and my other doc could not figure out what the fuck was wrong with my hands so they had to conclude that it was similar TO carpal tunnel and dominant hand injury (both of my hands hurt at the time now the pain had traveled to my arms. But like I said, I've sucked it up and bit my tongue because they, my family, will not listen to me anymore)).

You wanna know how this WHOLE conversation started...

I literally was just loud last night. Having a fun time with my friends and watching them play games, chatting with them, and also drawing art with them as well.

That is what started this conversation.

And here's the thing. Yeah, my art work scheduled is slow, but I'm not stopping. I'm constantly looking out for new ways to help my small shop to grow. Granted this year, was by far the slowest and not very motivating year. But I'm learning to grow. I'm finding out a schedule that works for me. and it's very frustrating that I have to explain myself that I am trying to be a freelancer. It really is.

Like I'm serious, when I say, I'm trying to work (such as making new designs or doing commissions) you wanna know what happens next... I get yelled at by my mother. Berated how I don't work and how I'm lazy.

It pisses me off it really does. AND it's upsetting. It hurts so damn much. Especially, if you have read my old rants about how I was treated like a punching bag. How I had to keep the house clean (I still do it) because it would look like a party took place because I'M HOME.

It hurts. It's upsetting. This isn't the first time she did this either. EVERY. TIME. I have fun with my friends online it's always, "oh? you have friends, You should go out more, get a job, oh my god are you sad, it must be lonely, you don't know how to take care of yourself—"

I MOVED TO A NEW STATE FOR COLLEGE. I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF WITH ROOMMATES. I HAD TO BE SMART AND FINANCE MY MONEY WISELY SUCH AS NOT BUYING LUXURY ITEMS EVERY DAY. I HAD TO WALK IN A DANGEROUS NEIGHBORHOOD JUST TO GET MORE ART SUPPLIES FOR MY CLASSES. I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO COOK. HOW TO CLEAN AND NOT MAKE MUSTER GAS ON ACCIDENT. I LEARNED SO MUCH IN COLLEGE THAN I WOULD HAVE EVER LEARNED AT HOME. BECAUSE SHE REFUSED TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO IT.

yeah, I can't drive a car... because ✨ trauma ✨ and yeah... I made a post about it too. You wanna know who gave me that trauma... my mother :')

And to conclude, that makes me laugh every time. I no longer go see a therapist because get closer... my problem is my environment and how it revolves around my mother. The problem is that my mother constantly meddled in my life the moment I START becoming an individual. Because she's slowly losing the one person in her life that would stick with her. So she wants to be seen as a savior because that is how she was with other people. She helps people, but when someone rejects her help she gets defensive... for no reason.

I love my mother, English is not her first language so of course we would be hitting some language barrier because she just doesn't understand a word. But I'm slow and have tried so many times to make her understand. I'm fine.

Arm wise, no I'm actually in pain typing all of this. Like it hurts like hell right now. But like, yeah, I'm fine, could be better, but at the same time, I'm making it work.

I've mellowed out now but man, I was really mad and upset that she just kept doing this every time I'm having a blast with my friends. Should I be more quiet, yes. Is it upsetting that she kept doing this, yeah, it really is. It hurts a lot.

Sorry for venting I need to get this out of my system because I know damn well this will not be the last.

Reminders about my Tigra

Since I'm pretty familair with most of Greer's canon from her creation in 1972 with The Cat to her current appearance in Moon Knight, she's gone pretty headcanon based.

She's pretty beefed up with her own plot lines I wanna write for her and my ideas for a comic run to go in line with things like Scarlet Witch, Angela of Asgard, Nico Minoru, and other mystic/magic based marvel characters (after all in New Avengers it is shown that she was a potential candidate for being sorcerer supreme [2005] and in Misty Knight and Valkyrie's Fearless Defenders run [2014?] she is shown as one of the worthy to be shieldmaidens to Valkyrie) I have beefed her way the hell up

She's a mystic based character in the Marvel universe; now most of the mystic characters will definitely still be able to beat her in a magic fight but she has her tricks (given she has the ability to summon balkathar from the land within and can access the land within) and other things.

I've added back in some of the monstrous/werecat origins of her character; see West Coast Avengers (her struggle with having two souls), she is still incline to "Going Feral" and having to balance between the warrior Tigra and the human Greer, so she still worries about losing herself to "The Hunt/Tiger/Warrior" (not quite like hulk rage or werewolf by night but hey she can relate and has her own worries but typically always in control)

She's a tracker and a hunter first and foremost. This extends to being able to pick up and scent out magic as well. Physically I have made him her buffer, she's taller standing at 6'4" because let me have big tiger woman

Her individual plot is actually calling back to the glimpse of Tigra's apartment she had in 2005 New Avengers before her assault by The Hood (Parker Robbins) which when you look at her apartment it looks like it has a bunch of artifacts which we can assume are relics of the Cat People, which we know in canon is dwindling numbers on Earth 616. So Greer's mission is recover all the items and keep them safe.

The Midnight Mission is one of her top "things" she is up to in current canon. Speaking on the MM, the physical building which is the House of Shadows, her and the HOS have an understanding, she communicates with it and it's where she is keeping all the Cat People artifacts that she recovers and restores (given since some of these items are mystical, dangerous, and some are technically from a hell realm; they are safest in the HOS)

So the main things Greer does nowadays is raise her son William (homeschool, supplemented with superhero babysitters giving him lessons as well as he's part of a creche with the cat people in the land within that he visits when she needs to keep him safe as well as provide him a connection with their people), assist with all work coming through the Midnight Mission, some freelance work of her own (she's a hunter/tracker), and recovery of magical tools and artifacts

When I said that Greer was HC based, I mean this. Everything that has happened to her in comic canon reminds, but I've added more to that and beefed her up a lot (mostly to make sense of her being a candidate for sorcerer supreme and an asgardian shieldmaiden)

Also cause it's fun, she can probably dimension hop; just so I can 616 greer meets mcu folks and not have to fuss about my lack of mcu knowledge and the same can go for the mcu folks (considering she can access the land within which exists in the underworld/hades dimension)

Always

"You're going to do what?" You ask Jay, certain that must've heard wrong.

"I've been thinking about it for a long time!" He answers, casually shrugging his shoulders.

"Did you talk to someone, because it is news to me!"

"It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Jay, not only did you retire your position as CEO recently and announced in the same breath that your retirement as an artist is imminent too, now you're telling me you want to leave South Korea? Not a big deal? That's a huge deal!"

"Roc Nation wants me to put out an album and Won Soju is doing really well in the States, I need to capitalize on that, cement my legacy! While I'm still young."

"Oh jeez, not that 'I'm getting old' speech again!"

You make a disgusting face, but giggle when Jay makes fun of your face.

"But it's true! Soohyuk agrees with me too!"

"Does he? I'll go talk to him right now!"

After graduating from Yale with a degree in journalism and political science you were immediately offered a job at the New York Times. It was a dream job for sure and when you were about to accept, you received a devastating phone call.

Your mother back in South Korea was very sick, so you left everything, packed your bags and moved to Seoul.

But landing a job as a professional writer in Seoul was way more difficult than you had imagined. All that was offered to you was to write gossip for some online news outlets. Desperately, you reached out to the New York Times, explained your situation, and luckily they were willing to hire you as a freelance writer. Not ideal, but better than nothing, you thought and dove right in. You wrote articles for them for 3 years and eventually you made a name for yourself. In fact, you became so popular, CNN wanted to hire you to work from Washington. That happended 2 months ago. You told your family about it and they were excited for you, and since your mom was doing a lot better, nothing was holding you back.

"I really wanna go!" You were having chimaek with Hyunjung at AOMG. Besides your family, she was the only other person who knew about the offer from CNN.

"What will I do if you leave?" She said over and over. You were laughing, thinking back about how the guys at AOMG reacted when they met you for the first time. Shortly after, Sunghwa, Kiseok, Sungwoo and Jay joined you.

"I knew I smelled fried chicken!" Kiseok said.

Hyunjung shared the good news while you went to get more beer, and apparently everybody was happy for you. Everybody, except one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Hey Soohyuk! Can I talk to you?"

"Sure. Come with me." He leads you to his office.

You waste no time, cutting right to the case.

"Why is Jay moving to the US?"

"What did he tell you?"

"What? Wait. What do you mean?"

Soohyuk remains silent, realizing he just made a huge mistake.

"Spill it! What do you know?"

"I think you should talk to Jay!"

You try to find Jay, but apparently he already left to attend a meeting.

Whenever you try to talk to him, he says he's busy. It's been going on for weeks. Soon you will have to move back to the US, and you need to talk to Jay before that.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, you say to yourself as you write a text to Jay.

r u cutting me off? no matter how busy u were in the past, u always made time for me :(

You know it's only a matter of time before he cracks, so you sit back and wait for his text. What you don't expect is to find Jay banging on your apartment door at 1 in the morning.

"What are you doing here this late?"

Instead of answering he asks a question as well. "How bad do you want the job in Washington?"

"How do you know?"

"Just answer me!"

"It would be a dream come true, I'm so excited I can't think about anything else."

"Ok then."

"Ok, what?"

"I was going to say no. To the whole US move thing. I didn't want to leave Seoul. I felt like I was abandoning my people. Then I talked to Soohyuk and I realized a few things."

"Yeah, I remember the whole 'if one door closes, it's because another door opened' speech."

"Hyunjung told us about Washington. She said you really wanted to go. That's when I decided to take the offer from Roc Nation."

"What does your decision have to do with me?"

"I swear you're really dense sometimes! I wanna be with you. Everywhere you go, I will follow!"

"Jay..."

"I love you! Always have, always will!"

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 14

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

Going to Florida on vacation also seemed to be the perfect time to find out where the other boys came from and their pasts. 

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

Chapter warning(s): The boys share their pasts, which can be rough. Mentions of suicide, past abuse, PTSD. There’s also quite some drinking in this chapter.

“He’s fine. Just a little bit too much sun.” You chuckled in a whisper, tucking Jin under the blanket. With that, you exited the room with the 6 others. The oldest had felt a little faint after playing in the sun, which led to his current state.

“We should-”

RINGGGGGGG

“Ugh, one minute.” Jimin took his phone out of his pocket, walking away to answer his call. You and Jungkook looked at each other, shrugging. You headed to the living room, with you draping your legs over Hoseok to watch television, not that Hoseok minded.

“Jin hyung is asleep... That means his snacks are unguarded!” Jungkook shot up from the couch, running to the pantry.

“Nothing stand between him and food.” Taehyung raised an eyebrow. Namjoon shook his head and chuckled, bidding all of you goodbye before leaving with a book tucked under his arm.

“What’s for dinner?” Yoongi asked.

“I think steak and pasta.” Jungkook said, mouth stuffed to the brim with cookies. The staff that worked here had the same schedule as those back in Korea.

“What shall we do tonight?”

“I don’t know. We should stay in on our first night. To just... chill.” Hoseok shrugged and everyone nodded in agreement.

“Even when we put a vacation notice out, work doesn’t seem to stop coming.” Jimin stormed in, complaining. Taehyung raised an eyebrow at his best friend, shifting to let him sit on the couch.

“That’s what you get for opening a new place 2 weeks before the vacation. And a big place, with a lot of manpower needed.” Jungkook scoffed. Jimin sighed, full of regret. He had opened a new male host lounge for ladies 2 weeks ago and safe to say, the business was booming. His phone was ringing non-stop from wanting business partners.

“I’ll just leave it to the others to handle.” Jimin said.

“Yeah, put the phone away. You’re here to relax.” You put your hands behind your head.

“I’m guessing you did the same?” Yoongi faced you.

“My family knows I’m on vacation. There’s an emergency number if they really need to reach me, which I doubt they will. It’s my last vacation before I have to hear my mother start nagging me again.” You rolled your eyes.

“Nag you?” Taehyung tilted his head.

“My brother’s, her star child, is coming into town with my very pregnant sister-in-law for the birth of her second grandchild.” You explained and the boys all nodded, understanding. At the ball where they met your parents, there was a brief mention of your older brother.

“I was an only child. Never had siblings. Omma was worried that if she had another, he or she would come out sick like me.” Jimin forced a smile.

“I’m sorry, Chim.” You reached over to hold his hand.

“It’s okay. Fortunately, Yoongi hyung was there to break me out of the hospital.” He turned to the older, who was sitting on the adjacent couch, sipping from his red wine glass.

“You broke him out of a hospital?” Your eyes widened. Yoongi let out a long sigh, placing his glass on the table.

“Since she couldn’t figure out the reason why Jimin was always sick, Mrs Park thought the only way to provide Jimin the care he needed was to lock him in a hospital.” He explained. Jimin cleared his throat.

“I first met Yoongi hyung at a martial arts convention. Since I used to train in kendo, omma let me go but I couldn’t participate in the demonstration. When he found out that omma checked me into the hospital, he got me out and brought me to join the family. Even when I was sick, Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung took care of me.” Jimin gave a small smile.

“I mean, since we’re telling our family stories, my mother abandoned me when I was younger, at an amusement park. I joined an orphanage after.” Hoseok said.

“Yoongi hyung’s father adopted me to be hyung’s playmate but that was it. We could only see each other during playtime. Other than that, I stayed in the small hut in the backyard.” Hoseok continued.

“It was practically a tool shed with a mattress.” Yoongi said bitterly.

“Yoongi, so your father...”

“He was rich, powerful, as was Namjoon’s father. We had been friends for a long time since our fathers were friends. After our fathers died, we dissolved their associations and formed our own.” Yoongi explained.

“I see... I didn’t know both your fathers were also... in the same line of business.” You tried to speak.

“With the way my father treated Hoseok and my mother, we don’t bring him up. Same with Namjoon.” Yoongi said but there was a warning tone in his voice.

“I-Is it, my turn?” Jungkook lifted his head.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” You comforted. Jungkook took a deep breath, shaking his head. If anything, he trusted you and wanted you to know his background.

“I was quite a small kid, so I was generally quite quiet in school. I had one older brother. Mum and dad worked a lot so it was mostly my brother and me. At first, hyung was the best brother I could ever ask for. He took care of me, protected me, everything.” Jungkook gulped.

“Then one day, he started treating me like I was invisible, at school and at home. That progressed to him hitting me and bullying me, hurting me.” He said sadly.

“Jungkook...” Jimin said sadly.

“Namjoon hyung was passing by an alley when my brother almost beat me to death. He brought me to the hospital to get treated. Since then, I’ve been living with him.” Jungkook finished.

“Did your parents come find you?” You asked.

“They never believed me when I told them hyung hurt me. He must have told them I ran away or something since he thinks he left me for dead.” 

“But you’re stronger now.” Taehyung patted Jungkook’s head. Considering Taehyung didn’t start his background story, the others assumed that he already told you about him.

“Dinner is served.” The butler informed, breaking the thick tension in the air from all the heavy conversations. 

“I’ll get the others.” You said, going to head upstairs. The first person you checked on was Jin, he was still fast asleep, which you let him be. Namjoon was standing in the hallways, outside of Jin’s bedroom.

“I heard what the boys told you.” He said. You nodded your head in acknowledgement.

“(y/n), I think you know that with such backgrounds, it’s not all black and white for them. On top of always falling ill, Jimin lived with a fear of being a burden, like how his own mother treated him. Yoongi hyung lives with the guilt of how his father treated Hoseok. He feels the need to make it up to him with his life.” Namjoon started.

“Hoseok is afraid of abandonment. Taehyung dealt with meltdowns, panic attacks, so much trauma. You’ve seen it, he’s still not over what happened to him.”

“And Jungkook, I can’t tell you the number of times I had to stop him from taking his own life. He was afraid of being hurt by the one he loved, just like before.” Namjoon sighed.

“I know, Namjoon. It must have been a lot for you and Yoongi to face, along with your own fears. But look at who you saved. Where would they all be now if you and Yoongi didn’t help them?” You placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Everyone comes with their own battle scars. But that’s what makes us human and survivors, right?” You smiled.

“You always know what to say, doc.” Namjoon chuckled.

“Of course. I’m the best, am I not?” You nudged him, making him laugh even more. With that, the two of you headed downstairs to the dining room, where the others were seated around the table. Namjoon sat at the head of the table while you sat between Jungkook and Yoongi.

“Let’s eat.” Namjoon waved for the wait staff to bring in the trays of food and pour the drinks. Even if the dinner was quieter than usual, it wasn’t suffocating. You’ve reached a new level of understanding with the boys. 

“What shall we do tomorrow?” Jimin asked. 

“I wanna go look around the city. If possible. Maybe buy some things for myself.” You shrugged.

“Yes! Shopping! We’ll come too!” Taehyung and Jungkook cheered. You smiled, somehow knowing that it was going to be chaotic with the boys. Hoseok clapped his hands in excitement. 

“What if I wanna go on my own?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“No way! It’s not safe for you to be on your own.” Jungkook shook his head, putting his arms in a cross. 

“Are you saying I am not capable to defending myself?” You asked him with a smirk.

“Ooh, you’ve done it now, Kook.” 

“Yeah, even I don’t go there.” Yoongi decided to join in on the fun of teasing the maknae. Jungkook’s eyes widened when he realised what he did, immediately facing you and rubbing his hands together in an apologetic matter.

“I’m sorry! You are very much capable of defending yourself! Even better than me or anyone else because you’re a strong, independent woman! I would never doubt your strength! Please don’t kill me!” He rambled on. You threw your head back in laughter, reaching over to pat his head. Even the others just looked on in amusement. 

“Alright, let’s stop teasing, Koo.” You said. 

After dinner, everyone was gathered back in the living room, watching some show that was playing on the television. 

“The night is young! We should party!” Hoseok declared. 

"This is not going to end well.” Yoongi clicked his tongue with a shake of his head. It was obvious he had to deal with his drunk brothers multiple times before. 

“I brought drinks and snacks!” Jungkook brought two big trays out, one with different alcoholic drinks and the other filled with snacks, courtesy of Jin’s stash. You took a bottle of beer. Hoseok and Namjoon did the same, clinking bottles with you. Jungkook grabbed some soju.

“Hyung? You want one?” Jungkook offered a filled shot glass to Taehyung. Taehyung, who doesn’t usually drink, shrugged and accepted it. Yoongi stuck to his whiskey like always.

“Honestly didn’t think the drinking was gonna start on our first night here. But I’m not one to complain.” You shrugged. 

“We’re on vacation. It’s always drinking time.” Hoseok said. 

“I agree!” Jungkook grinned. You snorted in response. Jimin decided to have soju with the other two, taking an empty shot glass. Jungkook happily filled it up for him. 

“Hey...” Jin stood at the stairwell. 

“Hey, Jin. How are you feeling?” You asked as you stood up to head to him. Jin gave a small smile and a thumbs up. 

“Are those my snacks?!” His eyes widened as he marched over. 

“Shot?” Jungkook offered as a consolation. Jin glared at the maknae but took the tiny glass, glancing over at you. You shrugged, nodding your head in approval. Hoseok and Taehyung shifted to give Jin space to sit down. Everyone with their drinks, cheered to your first night on vacation, taking a swig. You leaned against Jimin’s side. 

“Do you want dinner, Jin?” 

“Nah, I’m fine with the snacks and drinks.” He waved you off. 

“Alright but if you feel dizzy again, stop and rest. And tomorrow, please remember to hydrate yourself when out.” You lectured. The boys all groaned, even if you were only directing your words at Jin. 

“Now you’re nagging.” Taehyung boxed his ears, whining. You rolled your eyes, reaching to smack him. 

That night, when all the boys retreated to their rooms, passed out drunk, you were in your room spending some alone time. There was a knock on your door and you stood up from your bed, shuffling over to see who it was. 

“Hobi?” You were shocked. 

“C-Can I come in?” He rubbed the back of his neck. You nodded your head, stepping aside for him to enter. 

“Can’t sleep?” You asked softly. 

“Just a lot on my mind.” He admitted with a soft sigh. You sat on your bed, legs dangling off the side. You patted the space beside you and Hoseok gladly accepted, sitting beside you as the moon shined in. 

“Bringing up the past isn’t easy. It opens a lot of scars you thought were healed, memories that you thought was locked away, feelings that you thoughts were gone. It’s okay, Hobi.” You whispered with a soft smile, wrapping an arm around him. Hoseok placed his head on your shoulder. 

“It’s okay.” You comforted. 

“She left me there, all alone. For strangers to take me. And I probably will never know the reason why until the day I die.” He said aimlessly.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Hobi.” You squeezed his hand. 

“Yoongi hyung still feels so guilty for what his father did when he adopted me. But I always think that even if he did treat me badly, I still got to leave the orphanage and meet Yoongi hyung.” 

“And then you met the rest of the boys. Look how inseparable you all are now.” You stroked his head. 

“I also got to meet you.” Hoseok added. 

“I’m just there to clean your cuts and take care of you when you’re sick.” You laughed. 

“That’s not true. You mean a lot to me and everyone else, more than you’d think, (y/n).” Now, it was Hoseok holding your hands, looking into your eyes, his full of honesty and sincerity. 

-

You woke up the next morning, rubbing your temples, feeling the slight effect of the alcohol from the night before. Hoseok was still passed out beside you, sleeping soundly. You got out of bed quietly, washing up before heading downstairs. The house was quiet, signalling that maybe no one else was awake, still sleeping the alcohol off. 

“You’re up?” You nearly jumped when Yoongi appeared, drinking a cup of iced coffee, his hair slightly damp and messy from his shower. 

“Yeah. I need a hangover cure and a coffee.” You went to the kitchen. The maid brought you a cup of water and the small bottle of hangover cure. You downed the bitter liquid following that with water.

“Here.” Yoongi fixed you an iced coffee of your own. 

“Thank you.” You sipped it.

“Hoseok... he’s with you?” Yoongi cleared his throat as he asked. You nodded your head with a hum. 

“Yeah. He came over to talk then we just fell asleep after.” You explained. Yoongi gave a nod, moving to sit out on the deck. You trailed behind him quietly, taking the seat across him. All you heard were the crashing of the waves and the strong wind rustling the trees. 

“I’m part of the reason he’s like that.” Yoongi spoke. 

“Why do you burden yourself with that?” You asked back. Yoongi blinked, seemingly surprised by your words. 

“You know it’s not true, you know that Hobi doesn’t think that, and yet you force yourself to live with the guilt. You know that you’re not like your father, whatever he did to Hobi was out of your control.” You said. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yoongi said with gritted teeth. 

“Exactly, I don’t. But what I see is you feeling sorry for yourself and Hobi being worried about showing his emotions because he doesn’t want you to start feeling guilty again.” 

“He said that?” 

“Not exactly. It’s pretty obvious to a bystander.” You shrugged. 

“Yoongi, I have better things to do than to stand here and taunt you. The only people there were you and Hobi. Will anyone ever understand what each of you went through? I don’t know. You and I both know that Hobi holds whatever happened close to him. But he sees the light, even in a dark situation. If he can do that, I don’t see why you can’t.” You said. 

“I know.” Was all he could reply. 

“I’m going to check on Jin, okay?” You stood up. But you were yanked back by your wrist. Yoongi wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his face into your middle. 

“I hate that you’re right.” He mumbled. You let out a soft hum, patting the top of his fluffy hair. When Yoongi released you, you looked down at him. 

“You saved so many of them, Yoongs. Give yourself more credit. They all look up to you for a reason.” You laughed. 

“Go check on Jin hyung.” He said, patting your hip. 

“Right on it, sir.” You saluted. That made Yoongi break out into a small smile as he watched you leave. You hummed a random tune as you headed upstairs to see how Jin was doing today. 

“Doc? You’re here.” He slowly opened his eyes, squinting to focus his vision on you. He gave you a sleepy smile. You smiled softly as you nodded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear as you placed your hand on his forehead. He wasn’t warm to the touch. 

“How are you feeling?” You whispered. 

“Okay. Sleepy... Hungover.” He chuckled, a little embarrassed. 

“I’d bet. You can come down later to get some hangover cure. Luckily I told the butler to stock the house when we arrived yesterday.” You patted his shoulder, making him laugh. 

“(y/n)!” When you exited Jin’s room, you saw a shirtless Jungkook barreling down the hallway, headed straight for you. You jumped back but he caught you.

“Good morning, Koo.” You said in amusement as he hugged you. He mumbled something in his sleepy stupor. 

“What are you saying? I can’t understand you.” 

“I went to your room to look for you but you weren’t there. I thought Hobi hyung was you but it wasn’t. Why is Hobi hyung in your bed? Where were you? Ugh... I have a headache and I’m hungry.” He rambled. 

“Alright, alright. Slow down. I went to get some coffee to help my hangover and was with Yoongi on the deck. Then I went to check on Jin. Hobi just stayed the night after we talked. I have alka seltzer to help your hangover and I think the chefs are cooking hangover soup for all of us. Would you also please put on a shirt?” You answered all his questions, ending with one of yours. 

“I’m sleepy.” 

“I thought you were hungry?”

“I don’t know! My head hurts.” He whined. You sighed, patting his back as you led him back to his room. 

“You stay here. I’ll bring you a hangover cure then you can see how you feel after that.” You instructed. He nodded his head like an obedient child. You went downstairs to get a small bottle and a glass of water.

“Thank you.” He received the two, drinking one after another, cringing slightly at the bitterness. 

“It should help your headache and funny stomach. I’ll go check on the others to see if they need help.” You told him, tucking him back into bed under the blanket. 

“Will you come back?” He held your hand. 

~~

Ko-fi link

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both sides of the viewfinder chp. 1

adult film star!bruno x afab!reader  (they are also gn)

this is 18+ content

summary:  Bruno's interested in you and you're interested in him. It's only a matter of time.

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4

------

A/N: okay so this is gonna be 3 chapters. the last chapter’s smut, but there’s pretty suggestive stuff happening in the 2nd chapter

i did research for this and wanted to try to make it more on the realistic side but there's always the chance that i messed up somewhere, so if you wanna point it out go ahead. it'll be good to know for the future!

------

This wasn't your first time filming for sex work but you felt a little out of your element. The studio that recently hired you was much bigger than what you were used to and considering that you were mainly doing freelance work before, this made everything feel much more professional and serious. Their work had to be highly produced.

"--We aren’t super strict about that, but you should definitely tell me before you go anywhere."

Right now, you were being given a quick tour by one of the people you'd be working with--the Director of Photography. Jocelyn was pretty much your manager and would be giving you most of the orders.

You continue to follow behind her as she continues to show you around. But you couldn't help eyeing the high quality lights and cameras you pass as she talked though. The equipment must have been worth a lot.

Once she has finished showing you around, she leads you back to the set filled with the crew that you passed earlier.

You listen closely as she goes over the details of the film.

"This will be the room where the main scene will take place. Today we will have you operating one of the stationary cameras, but since you’ve done stuff like this before I decided to let you do it without someone breathing down your neck. Just follow my orders."

You like the woman already. "Thank you."

"The shoot will start in--" she checks her watch, "--about an hour. Today is just filming for you but you know you’ll be doubling up as a runner when necessary. We might also have you help with other tasks while you work here too."

You nod to show you understand.

She smiles, "If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask me or any of your co-workers. Try to avoid asking the director though…."

-------

You adjust the headphones on your head as you stand in front of the camera you'd be in charge of today.

Working it should be simple enough since you didn't have to actually move. You just needed to make sure it stayed in focus so they had more options when it came to angles.

About 10 minutes later, the two actors starring today show up dressed in fairly nice clothes that they wouldn't be wearing for too long. One of them seemed quite friendly with everyone. He must be pretty popular you think.

Before you can recede to your thoughts, you recognize him.

Is that Bruno Bucciarati?

You quickly confirm that it is and turn your body away from him and towards the camera, as if doing that would hide you. You weren't necessarily a stan but you did follow him on social media. And perhaps you did subscribe to his OnlyFans. And there's a good chance you paid money for some of his work.

It wasn't your fault that he was one of the few male stars you found attractive!

You shake your head. This was work. Don't get starstruck.

Luckily, it doesn't take you long to get distracted with the camera. You rarely get to operate such expensive equipment like this so you find yourself looking at all it had to offer.

While you neglect socializing with the people you would be working with from now on, someone comes up to you.

"You look so focused."

Your eyes widen from the sudden voice and you pull down your headphones as you look to the side. "Oh sorry--" When you see who it is the rest of your statement dies in your throat.

However, Bruno isn't deterred by your abrupt stop. "You must be the new camera person."

You stare a second too long before nodding.

He holds out a hand and you have to calm your shaking one before reaching out and grabbing his. His hand was really warm.

“Nice to meet you, my name's Bruno Bucciarati."

"I'm ____. I've actually seen some of your work before! You really are as handsome as in the videos."

Even though you're straight-faced, you were regretting what you just said. It was a simple compliment but what if it was too much? His looks did astound you though, there was no denying it. And you really didn't understand how he managed to pull off that haircut.

You smile to ease the tension within yourself and Bruno returns it. Whether it was genuine or out of politeness you didn't know, but it helps you relax.

"Thank you," he says.

“Okay everyone get in your damn places! We’ll be starting soon!”

Your brows raise at the director’s choice of words.

Bruno turns back to you. "Well, let's do our best to get through this."

You nod and watch him walk towards the bed where his co-star is waiting, and the director immediately starts going over what he wants the two of them to do once he’s there.

You decide to do a quick second check on your camera to make sure everything is still working properly before waiting patiently for the director to start.

------

Between some cuts and breaks, filming’s done about 6 hours later. You’d been informed about the typical work time so you weren't surprised. The porn from this studio was highly produced, with a few “amateur” looking works thrown in, so it was the norm. But this was the longest you had worked on one film. So depending on how particular the director was, you would need to be prepared to do at least several hours of filming when behind the camera.

You rub your eyes. It's only 4 pm but you're yearning for your bed. You could only imagine how tired the actors were.

Right after you turn off the camera, Jocelyn calls you over.

"You did well today and looks like you don't need any serious training. Good job!" she praises.

You guessed you passed the new hire "test". That gave you a bit of an energy boost and you can't help the smile on your face.

While you remove the camera from its tripod, you begin to retreat to your mind. And of course, your mind wanders to a certain actor.

Bruno was good at what he did. Really good. And the other actor seemed to genuinely enjoy working with him too. For a second, you wonder what it's like.

You glance up and accidentally make eye contact with a now fully clothed Bruno. The man walks towards you and even though you had watched him just have sex for multiple hours, you feel nervous.

“What’s up?” you ask when he's close enough.

"Nothing. I like to check up on newcomers, but you must have worked in this field for a while since they usually tend to have some hang ups."

"Uh yea. I've been doing stuff like this for awhile. Good work today by the way."

"Same with you. It was long but things went as smoothly as they could."

You nod in agreement and finish folding up the tripod. “They did, but honestly that one position you were in looked super uncomfortable! Is your back okay?”

The man laughs. “I'll be fine. That was pretty tame to be fair.”

“Wow, you must be super fit or flexible then...” You notice your coworkers walking off with equipment and decide its best to end the conversation so you can follow them. "Oh, I need to put away this stuff. Thanks for checking up on me though!"

Bruno smiles at you and you scurry off with the camera and the tripod.

-----

You'd been here a week so far. Each day varied with things to do and you never really knew what you'd exactly be working on until you got to the studio.

For today you had a list of various tasks but the first one was conducting a pre-shoot interview with the actors for the porn being shot in an hour.

You look through the viewfinder at the two men sitting on the couch. You were already recording but the interview hadn't started just yet.

“It’s been awhile since I've done an interview so bear with me...” you mumble while going over the questions in your head.

“No pressure ____,” Bruno says.

The man doesn't seem bothered but Prosciutto, on the other hand, isn’t as laid back.

“You should at least have a list of questions prepared,” the blonde says.

"Yep right here!" You pull out a piece of paper from your pocket. From the list you could tell this collaboration had been long requested by their fans.

“I did my best to remember it but just in case…” You place the paper on a surface out of view.

You readjust the camera on your shoulder before speaking again. “Okay, let's start with names you say.”

You focus the camera on Bruno. You wish you had a tripod, but they were insistent on having you walk around with the damn thing to make it feel more “personal”.

"I’m Bruno Bucciarati."

You then turn the camera to focus on Prosciutto.

"I’m Prosciutto."

“So I know this is the first time you both are working together. How are we feeling?”

Bruno smiles. “I'm feeling pretty good and ready to work. How about you, Prosciutto?”

“Pretty much how I do before any shoot.”

“And what's that?” you ask.

Prosciutto crosses his arms. “Mostly relaxed but looking forward to it of course.”

"That's good. I know it'll be tiring filming and from how highly requested this seems to be, the director's going to want this to be perfect. But I'm hoping you guys still have fun."

"I'm sure we will, but I still don't know why so many people wanted us to work together," Prosciutto says.

Bruno nods. "Agreed. I feel like we’ve rarely interacted until now."

"Well people like seeing attractive people together. And I've actually seen fancams of you two interacting on Twitter. It's pretty entertaining!"

“You search those up?” Bruno asks.

“No, they just show up on my timeline sometimes.”

“...So you're a fan of Bruno then?” You weren't sure why but you sense a bit of judgement coming from Prosciutto.

"A little, but let's move on." You take a peek at the paper. "So who’s receiving and who’s catching?"

You raise a brow at how the question’s phrased.

Bruno looks at Prosciutto. “Don't you think we should let the film speak for itself.”

The blonde hums in agreement. “If they need to know so badly, they can skip ahead.”

“True. I think either way would be fun to watch though,” you say.

“Definitely. You should let me know what you think later.” Bruno says.

You don't mean to smile but it's already happening. "Sure."

“You're real unprofessional flirting with the camera person in the middle of an interview,” Prosciutto chides.

“It's just some banter. Are you jealous?”

Prosciutto tsks at Bruno's statement.

You shake your head deciding not to acknowledge those comments. The editor would have to cut out that bit. The two seemed to get along well enough for work but you had a feeling they would get on each other's nerves if they stayed together too long.

“Okay so this is definitely a good question to ask next. What do you guys like about each other? Either personality or physical wise."

Prosciutto glances at Bruno before speaking. “I can admit that the man has a nice….physique.”

You grin. "You sound like I'm putting a gun to your head."

The man fixes you with a very unamused look but you continue on smiling.

"What about you Bruno?" you ask.

“Well he has an attractive face and body, of course. His stubbornness is enjoyable at times too.”

“Stubbornness?”

Prosciutto seems to have the same question as you because he looks at Bruno for his explanation.

“Yes it's a good trait to have in certain situations.” Bruno returns the blonde’s stare. “It'll also make seeing him unravel much more interesting.”

The two of them are now looking at each other very intently and you feel like you should leave the room. But you need to finish the interview.

“Nice...so this is the last question. Is there anything specific you two are looking forward to?”

Fortunately, the two of them can still hear you and respond.

Bruno hums, “I suppose it's been awhile since I've given a blowjob, so there's that.”

"...And I'm looking forward to receiving one."

You let out a chuckle, “Okay, Prosciutto I see what you're about.” You quickly skim the list of interview questions. "Well looks like that's it! You guys ready to go?”

They both give you their positive answers.

“Then let's get you guys ready for the shoot."

Bruno smiles while Prosciutto's face stays neutral.

After that statement you stop recording.

“Okay, nice job guys!” You look at the clock on the wall. “That went pretty fast. So you can go ahead and head to the set.”

Prosciutto nods and exits the room but Bruno stays behind.

“Are you going to be helping film for the shoot?” he asks.

You gently place the camera down on the table where you left the paper.

“No, I have to go out and buy some things for something being filmed later this week. And then I have to go do some other stuff around the studio…” You laugh, “They really have me running around!”

Bruno looks slightly concerned. “You’d prefer to stay behind the camera the whole time right?”

“Yep but that's okay. I already knew what I was getting into, and I get paid better pretty well for it.” You look back up at the clock. “I’ll definitely be back for the interview after filming though so I should see you then.”

Bruno nods. "Okay, good luck with your errands."

----

By the end of the day, you're exhausted. Your list of tasks wasn't hard, you just ended up moving a lot more than you planned. You even almost forgot to take your break in your hustle.

When you return to your apartment, you eat something and take a quick shower before dressing up for bed. And once you're snuggled up in your covers, you decide to check your Twitter to see if anything interesting has happened.

While scrolling through the random posts retweeted throughout the day, you happen upon a pretty suggestive picture of Bruno in lingerie. He posted it not too long ago.

Nice.

You click on his icon to check his page to see if there’s anything else new, and under his username notice the words follows you.

Your eyes widen and you double check and refresh to make sure you're not seeing things. You go into your notifications and see that he followed you a couple hours ago. You really weren't sure what to do. It would be weird if you messaged him, right?

You take a deep breath and decide to take the chance. Bruno probably got hundreds of messages so it shouldn't be a big deal.

hi, i saw that you followed me. just making sure you didn't make a mistake lol

Before you can overthink it you send the message. After that you go back to his page and like and retweet the lingerie photo, but you still need a distraction so you wouldn't obsess over a possible reply. When you're thinking of getting out of bed, a message from Bruno pops up.

You quickly open it to see the full message.

No mistakes here. I searched you up and saw that you already followed me so I wanted to follow back.

It's not the first time you've been followed by pornstars or coworkers you worked with, but it was honestly still rare. And something about it being Bruno made your heart beat faster. You momentarily think about everything you retweeted in the last hour, before sending a message back.

oh okay, thx! i'll try not to bother you too much, you probably get a lot of messages

A few seconds pass before you get another reply.

Not necessarily. I have DMs off for people I don't follow. I love my fans but they can get...rowdy. Either way, you can message me whenever you want.

Wow, what would you even talk about with Bruno outside of work related things...

oh, that makes sense. well i guess i’ll take you up on the offer ^^

You see the three dots going for a while before another message appears.

I saw you retweeted my picture.

Your heart skips a beat.

oh god, now i feel embarrassed all of a sudden!

No don’t be. I'm glad you like it.

You smile to yourself.

yea, you look really good in lingerie ...you look good in anything tbh or without anything lmao

You feel like you're about to say something really embarrassing if this conversation continues and quickly type up another message before he can respond.

i’m really tired so i’m going to get ready for bed

The three dots disappear for a moment before showing up again.

Shame, I would have liked talking more. But I understand, you looked really exhausted during the post interview.

yea i was but it’s no biggie and we can message later ❤

Okay then, sleep well ____.

good night 😴

You close out of the app after that and honestly, that went way better than you were expecting.

Life in Quarantine (Part 1) | Owen Patrick Joyner

Summary: A series about being stuck in quarantine with your best friend Owen and trying not to lose your mind over being stuck inside all day every day. 

Pairing: Owen x reader

Warnings: Fluff, minor swearing, lots of singing

Songs used: Don’t Let Go by En Vouque/ Washington on Your Side from Hamilton/ More than Words by Little Mix / Not a Pop Song by Little Mix  -- All credits go to owners of these songs

A/N: I know nothing about songwriting and none of this will probably ever happened in real life, but it just worked for the story, alright? Alright. Enjoy! 

Words: 3,372

Part 1: Not A Pop Song

Norman, Oklahoma. My home town. The place where I was born and raised. The place where I learned how to live and love. Where I learned what heartbreak is. Where I met and lost friends. The town all my most valued memories reside. 

It’s also where I met my best friend, Owen. Our mothers were, and still are, college besties. So, us becoming friends was kind of inevitable. We went through everything together. Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle School and High School. Wherever you saw me, you saw Owen and vice versa. A lot of people often thought we were a couple, but that’s been off the table since day one. In Elementary School, Owen and I made a pact with five different rules to seal our friendship forever. The list only grew as we got older. But here’s the gist: 

1. If one is teased or bullied, the other takes revenge 2. Always sing and dance together whenever one asks, even if you don’t want to 3. Always share cookies 4. Always play together at recess 5. Always sit together at lunch

Then the additions from Middle and High School: 

6. We will never, ever, ever date each other or each other’s siblings 7. Ethan, Evan and Emmy are off limits too 8. Crushes too 9. Always go to Broadway shows together 10. Never lie even if you wanna do it for the right reasons. There is no right reason.  11. Always support each other’s dreams and successes 12. Always hate each other’s exes 13. Always share ice cream 14. Never share our secrets with other 15. Always go to parties together

That last one was added by Owen in senior year of High School when I didn’t want to go to a party since it was my exes party and we’re supposed to hate each other’s exes. But, since he’s been in LA for most of senior year to pursue his acting career, I really couldn’t say no. Him going off to Los Angeles for months, sometimes even longer, started in eighth grade when he landed the role of Crispo Powers in a Nickelodeon show called ‘100 things to do before High School’, which I religiously watched, of course.  Rule 9 tells you to. After High School, the two of us split ways. I headed off to Boston to study at Berklee College of Music to major in songwriting as it’s always been a dream of mine to become a songwriter, while Owen went to LA to further pursue his career in acting. We’ve tried to keep in contact, but daily calls turned into weekly calls turned into monthly calls. Five months in, we just try to at least check in with each other every now and then, which is what works best for our busy schedule. Then December 2018 came and changed my life entirely for the better. The representative of Syco and Columbia records said he was in need of fresh blood to co-write songs with none other than Little Mix on their next album.  They held a competition at Berklee College, and long story short, I won! Yay me. To say I was nervous to write with a girl group I’ve been a fan of since the very beginning is an understatement. But they were so nice to work with. We’d take turns flying to each other’s countries and wrote about five songs together of which only two made it onto the actual album. None of it made much sense to me at the time, it all just seemed like one big dream. Owen was pretty excited about it too. He knew how big a fan I was of the girls. Even though he wasn’t a big fan himself, he still listened to the album, mostly to listen to the songs I’d written. Over FaceTime, we even played a game called ‘Guess what song I’ve written’, and he’d gotten one right. The girls even gave you a full-time job as co-writer on more projects of theirs and even recommended you to other artists. This meant you had to quit college and become a full-time freelance songwriter. Thanks to Little Mix, though, you’ve gotten the nicest people to hire you. Since then, you’ve worked with artists like Meghan Trainor, Bea Miller, Isabella Merced -- who you could gossip with about Owen from her time working with him -- and even Harry Styles. The fifteen-year-old inside you didn’t know what to do with herself when that collaboration happened. But working with all those people also meant I had to move again. This time to Los Angeles. When I told Owen the good news, he immediately suggested you move in with him. It’s the thing you guys said you would do once you got older; get an apartment together. So, it was the only logical move. “Welcome to your new casa!” He said dramatically when leading me into the apartment. The tall white walls and large windows illuminated the entire place with a welcoming feeling. “Let me show you to your room, so you can drop off your excessive luggage and then I’ll give you the tour of the entire space.” I raise an eyebrow at his words. “Bro, I have excessive luggage because I just moved from Boston to freaking LA!” I exclaim, followed by an amused chuckle as I try to push him, but fail since he’s much stronger. From that moment on, I knew moving in with Owen would be the best and worst idea I ever had. 

And speaking of ‘worsts’. From March 2020, the two of us were stuck at home together due to the outbreak of the coronavirus. Just when I was supposed to start working with Little Mix on their new album. I would’ve been in London now, but instead, I’m stuck in LA with my best friend who doesn’t have a job at the moment since he’d just finished filming a new Netflix show called Julie and The Phantoms. What I heard from it this far, it sounds pretty amazing. I even went to Vancouver with Owen for a few weeks. It was a fun trip and gave me some new inspiration for some songs. “Hey, Nugget,” Owen says as he walks into the room we call our studio where I’m working. “I’m kinda in the middle of something, Ace. Can it wait?” I know I shouldn’t work out my frustration on my best friend, but it kind of fell out of my mouth before I could stop myself. “Sorry, Nugget, I’m kinda bored…” I sigh exasperatedly and bob my head to signal his permission to come in. “What are you working on?” he asks as he sits down on the armrest of the armchair I’m sitting on. “This Little Mix song I can’t seem to make work,” I reply and point to the notebook in front of me. “I’ve got a few good lyrics, but the melody seems impossible.” Owen takes the notebook from me and closes it before getting up. “Time for a little break,” he says and goes to sit behind his drum kit. “Guess what song I’m playing,” he then says and starts with the cymbals, then hi-hats and when a beat finally floats through the room, my brain starts to work. This is a game we’ve been playing every time I’m in need of a break or just for fun. We’d take turns in playing a part of a song on our respective instruments and the other has to guess which song it is by singing along. “What’s it gonna be? Cuz I can’t pretend Don’t you wanna be More than friends Hold me tight and don’t let go Don’t let go Have the right to lose control Don’t let go” A smile appears on Owen’s as I get the first song right. He always underestimates my love for girl bands from the 80’s and 90’s. Though, I think he might’ve given me this one because I’m so frustrated from working on that song. “Your turn,” he then says after having hit a couple more toms and cymbals. I think about it for a moment, and then start plucking the sixth string to create a more bassy sound. Owen stares at the guitar for a moment trying to figure out what song I’m playing. Then, his eyes widen as he recognizes the sound. “It must be nice, it must be nice To have Washington on your side It must be nice, it must be nice To have Washington on your side” I let out a loud whoop in excitement, choking the strings to stop the sound. “I still can’t do that rap though!” he actually sounds disappointed in himself. “Washington isn’t gon’ listen to disciplined dissidents This is the difference This kid is out!” I proudly yell out, earning impressed applause from my best friend. The smile on his face warms me up inside. Owen has always had the most beautiful smile, in my opinion. He has one of those smiles that could just instantly make you happy. No matter how bad a day you had. “Very impressive, Nugget,” he replies with a smirk that sends shivers down my spine. Ever since I moved in, he’s gotten more and more flirty with me. I’m not sure if it’s just a change in his personality that he’s acquired in Los Angeles or if it’s something else, but it’s there. Not that I mind. Something has shifted in me too since we moved in together. It’s even gotten me thinking about removing rule number 6 from our pact. “Your turn, Ace,” I quickly change the subject, just so I don’t have to think about him like that too much. Our dynamic as best friends is too good to ruin it all. Twenty years of that is a long time to just throw away like that. “Alright, an easy one,” he says and simply starts stomping the bass pedal to activate his bass drum.  It’s a slow, almost menacing thump that sounds very familiar. A little too familiar. “Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, You saved me in ways I can’t explain Always been there for me, now I’ll do the same Oh, I need you more than words can say” It’s one of the two songs on Little Mix’s last album that I helped write. The song that means most to me since I wrote it with Owen in mind. It was a period of time where all I wanted was to see Owen and be able to talk to him and just spend time with him like we used to before his whole acting adventure. I think he’ll stop after the chorus, but instead, he picks up his drum sticks and starts playing the rest of the song on his drum kit. Deciding it could be a fun jam session, I start playing the chords on my guitar as well whilst continuing with the lyrics. “Won't forget, won't forget Won't forget when he broke my heart How you helped me through You turned, you turned, you turned a disaster into a dream Gave me the power, made my life brand new When the world try to break us, we found magic And we grew stronger, though every line, line, line Every night, every night, every night I strain and sing the truth Now, now they know that they gonna be alright, alright” The memories of when I wrote this song start slipping through my mind. I remember how alone I felt, even in a room with a dozen other people. I remember how much I missed Owen. “I find peace in every story you told I think of you, I'll never be alone It's true, true, true You know I do, do, do” My eyes lock with Owen for a moment. He shoots me a comforting smile that makes me feel right at home. And I don’t mean here. I mean home as in Norman, Oklahoma. “Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, you save me in ways that I can't explain Always been there for me, now I'll do the same Oh, I need you more than words can say Oh, I need you more than words can say” We both stop playing and just look at each other for a while. I’ve never told Owen I wrote this song for him, but at the same time, I think he might already know. That doesn’t take away the urge to tell him though. “I wrote that about you when I missed you,” I blurt out without properly thinking about it. “Really?” he asks while coming out from behind his kit. Combing his long, blonde hair back, he makes his way over to me and grabs the guitar from my lap. “Yeah, I thought you’d know?” He chuckles, shaking his head whilst tickling the strings. I’d taught him a couple of songs on the guitar since we started living together. “You write with a lot of people, Nugget. Could’ve just been their words as well....” He isn’t wrong about that. Maybe it was a lot less obvious than I thought it was. “So, what are the guidelines for this one?” he questions. I grab my notebook again and open it on the page I was working on before he fluttered into the studio. “They didn’t want another pop song. Kind of more like a ‘fuck you’ to Simon Cowell for treating them so badly and telling them what to do and what to wear and whatnot,” I explain, showing the few lines I have already. Some of them Jade had sent me, others were Perrie’s, a couple were mine. “What are most pop songs about?” Owen queries. I know he’s trying to help me, but he’s kind of making me nervous with the constant strumming of the guitar. “Songs about falling in love, or drinks and drugs…” I sum up at the top of my mind, “Or heartbreak…” Owen nods his head whilst continuing to play the same few chords over and over again. I focus on the melody for a moment as my creative juices start to work again. “This ain’t another pop song ‘bout falling in love Or a party song ‘bout drinks and drugs No more singing songs ‘bout breaking my heart And my lonely nights dancin’ in the dark” I look up at Owen for validation. Nodding his head encouragingly, he keeps playing the same few chords but a little louder this time to support the flow of my lyrics. “If I’m a guilty pleasure I want this life forever I’ll take it all ‘cause anything is better Than another pop song ‘bout falling in love But if you wanna sing along say ‘I don’t give a fuck!’” Owen starts jumping around excitedly, and I can’t help but laugh at his adorableness. He used to get this excited whenever I sent him a demo of the songs I was working on. “Let’s record a demo!” he exclaims and, after handing me my guitar back, moves towards the recording equipment. “Let’s start with some guitar,” he says and that’s how our recording starts. First, the guitar, then Owen records some drums, and then I get behind the mic to sing the song all by myself. I can just imagine how amazing this’ll sound with the girls’ voices instead of mine. “No broken bottles Or glitter on the floor form the night before Ain’t no boy troubles If that’s what you came here for then you should know” I lapse back into the chorus one last time before we finish recording and put everything together. We listen to it a couple more times before sending it over to Little Mix and their management. Awaiting their answer, we head into the kitchen to make some dinner together. It only takes about half an hour before I get a call from Jade. “This song is epic!” she shouts into my ear before I can even say hello. “Exactly what we needed, Y/N, thank you so much!” I’ve grown accustomed to her thick Geordie accent, though it was hard to understand in the beginning. “Thanks, Jade! Owen helped me out a little,” I reply, looking up at Owen himself who shoots me a wink that sends a rush of heat from my head all the way to my toes. The girls all know about Owen. I’d told them about my best friend and how supportive he was, and they always teased me saying I was so in love with this guy. Which I didn’t realize at the time and always denied. Rule 6 clearly states no dating each other. “Give him a big snog as a thanks then!” Jade jokes, and I can even hear the others in the background. “I’m on Zoom with the girls at the moment. They say hi!” “Hi back!” I can’t stop the giggle from escaping from my lips. “I gotta go, Jade. Thanks for getting back to me about the song. I can’t wait to hear you guys singing it!” Jade snickers on the other side of the line. All while I’m watching Owen make some pasta at the stove. There’s something so attractive about him in the kitchen, I’m not sure what it is. Fuck, Jade is right. I am very much in love with my best friend and there’s nothing I’m going to be able to do about it. Stupid pact we made in the first grade. “We’ll call you later to discuss some more arrangements and stuff. Bye, Y/N!” “Bye, Jade! Bye girls!” I say loudly, knowing I’m probably on speaker phone anyway. “Bye, Y/N!” the girls chorus. I hang up the phone and look at Owen for a few seconds before bursting out into an excited cheer, dancing my way towards him. “They loved it! They loved it! They loved it!” I shout loudly, and cup Owen’s face in my hands before pressing my lips to his in an outburst of elation. I’m surprising yourself at first, but then melt into the familiarity of his embrace as his arms snake around my waist whilst kissing me back. He’s actually kissing me back. “And that’s rule number 6 out the door…” Owen mumbles when he pulls away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” I mumble and step away from him, or at least try to. His arms tighten around my waist, restricting me from taking another step. “I’ve been thinking about talking to you about that stupid rule, Nugget. I’ve hated it ever since we were 16.” My eyes widen at his confession. Since we were sixteen? SIXTEEN? That’s four years ago. That’s even long before I realized I felt more for him than just a platonic love. “16? Why didn’t you say anything?!” Owen chuckles, retracting his arms from around my waist and instead tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his hand on my cheek. “You were pretty enamoured with Ryan, remember?” My heart breaks at the mention of the prick’s name. Ryan was my very first heartbreak and the worst at that. Owen was in LA at the time, but when he heard the news, he almost immediately flew back to Norman Oklahoma to comfort me and eat ice cream together. “Besides, I was constantly on the move from LA to Norman, it wouldn’t have been fair to you…” “You’re the sweetest human being alive, Owen Patrick Joyner,” I tell him with a smile tugging at my lips, but then turn serious again as I flick his forehead. He lets out an ‘ow’ and shoots me a confused glare. “And the stupidest! I’ve been in love with you since I don’t know when, but I never realized until now! The girls from Little Mix even knew but I was too oblivious or stubborn to see it myself. If you’d told me, I probably would’ve realized sooner!” “Well… I told you now?” he tries, the cheesiest smile on his face that makes me roll my eyes. “I love you, Ace,” I whisper, “And not the platonic kind this time.” “I love you too, Nugget.” He leans down again after that, reconnecting our lips into a passionate kiss. The first of many. This ought to be a very interesting quarantine together.

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And the next one as promised :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 6

The day i got released form hospital finaly came. I was happy about it, taking a breath of fresh air will be a welcoming change after over three weeks in here. Some bruises wer still visable, and my head hurted from time to time, but other then that the doctor gave me a green light. And having too much free time makes your toughts wonder in wrong direction too much. Thinking about Jake was my daily routine, and i hoped once i get out other things will get me occupied. Jessy wanted me to stay with her, but i managed to persuade her that i'd be better of at the motel. She reluclantly agreed, but I argued that i would still be resting most of the time, and promised her we will see eachother every day, wich made her respect my decision a bit more. She called me that moring, telling Dan will come and drive me to the motel, because she was bussy planing a surprise for me. „Oh, Jessy, pleas dont go overboard, it is my first day out, i wont be up for much.“ I protested, but she quickly reasured me its nothing big. Knowing Jessy, i was sceptical about it, but she sounded so happy that i just agreed to whatever she had in plan. I was about done packing, when Doris came bringing me my dischrage papers. She gave them to me, embracing me in a tight hug „You be good now, hun. And remember what i told you before.“ She said, giving me one more of her winks. „Thank you, Doris.“ I replied, handig her a chocholate bombonier i asked Jessy to get me. „For everything.“ I hugged her once more. „No need to thank me, hun.“  „Ahh, Doris, im jelaous, i didnt get a hug from you when i was leaving the hospital.“ It was Dan, being dramatic again. I laughed, as Doris went for the door „Schmacks dont deserve hugs!“ she grinned at him, and left. „She likes me...she just wont admit it.“ Dan said, grining. „So,you ready to leave this shithole?“ „Definatly!“ i said, taking my discharge papers and putting them in my pack. Dan took it from me, and we left the room, taking the elevator down. Stepping outside was so refreshing, i stopped at the exit for a brief moment, wich made Dan turn „You allrigh there?“ „Im good, just appriciate being outside again.“ I smiled. We continued to the car. Dan opened the door for me, putted my stuff on the back seat, and we drove towards motel. I rolled the window down letting the cool morning air blow to my face and through my hair. The drive wouldnt last that long, and Dan informed me that Jessy booked the room for me already and took the rest of my stuff there, and my car also waiting for me at the motels parking. „Dan, whats Jessy planing for me today?“ i asked. „Oh, no,no, im keeping my mouth shut!“ he replied, but i groaned at him pleading „Please, Dan, at least give me a hint. I just got out of hospital, and to be honest, im not up for big fanfaras, but i dont want to dissapoint Jessy either. And lets be honest, its Jessy wer talking about here, nothing is small or meaningless with her.“ He laughed at that „Your right about that! Alright, ill tell you, but if she realize you knew something..“ „Dont worry, i can act being genuinely surprised with no problem.“ I asured him. „Well, its nothing much, rellay. We're taking you for dinner.“ he said. Ok, thats not so bad, i tought, i do have to eat. „And she invited the gang to Aurora this evening, to celebrate your release from hospital.“ Ugh, i hoped that wouldnt happen so soon, that i would at least have a day or so for me before seeing everyone. „Ah, crap, i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.“ I said, adding „Later would be better, tho.“ „Dont worry, Maya, ill be there to rescue you, AGAIN.“ He grinned at me, and i grinned back „Good, because i just might need some rescuing, again.“

Dan left me at the motel, and i entered the small checkin office. The woman behind the counter was eldery, and she smiled at me „Good morning, miss, what can i do for you?“. „Morning'“ i replied, smiling back „I had a room booked for me by a friend, i guess you know her, Jessica Hawkins?“. She smiled more now „Ah, ofcourse, miss Cole i presume?“ i nooded in agreement. „Yes, Jessica brought all your belongings already. I would just ask for you to fill this, please.“ She handed me that check in paper you get at every motel. I filled it, and she gave me the key.“You're at room 11, its on your right once you leave the office. And i'm Ms. Walter, fell free to ask if you need anything.“ „Thanks, i will.“ I replied, taking the key.

The room looked cozy enough. It had a big bed, with a little nightstand next to it with a lamp on it. There was a midium size table in front of a big window, wich i immidiatly felt greatefull for, since some natural light is what i prefere for my drawing work, and a closet next to it. Across from the bed was a  TV, and a little refrigeratore under it. The bathroom was small, wich is more then enough. I left my stuff on the bed, when i noticed a note on the nightstand. 'The car key is in the nightstand drawer. Get some rest, and see you later! Xoxo' It was from Jessy, and that made me smile. I took the key and went to the car to get the rest of my stuff. The day was nice and sunny, and i tought i souldnt spend the whole day in the motel. I went back to the room, unpacked, grabed some clean clothes and went for a shower. When i got dressed i sat at te table and turned my laptop on. I checked my mails, and some job offers. Its good when you're a freelancer, you can work from anywhere, and I actually felt some work might keep me occupied and not let my mind wonder to Jake.  The tought of him leaving my hospital room  two weeks ago still pained me, but i cant sit here and despair all the time, so i decided to grab my drawing stuff and head exploring. I hoped Jessy wouldt mind me going to town alone, she did promise me a grand tour of it once im out of the hospital. I took my phone and texted her „Hey hey, setteled at the motel. Going for a walk arround, but dont worry, im still looking forward for my tour arround Duskwood with you! xoxo“. She replied soon „Oh, nice, have fun! Just stay out of woods! xD See you for dinner J „. Great, now i could leave without feeling any guilt. I grabbed my backpack and left the motel.

I decidet to walk towards the marketplace, i had plenty of time since it wasnt even noon yet, and Jessy and Dan wont pick me up before 19. I passed a small bakery on my way there, and bought me some food and a bottle of water. The streets leading towards marketplace wer small and narrow, mostly with older buildings and pretty quiet. After some 30-40 minutes of slow walk,  i emerged to the marketplace, and it was comepletly different. The crowd thickened, and the place hummed with life. In the center was a nice funtain, with benches in circle arround it. Few wer occupied with people: one had an eldery couple, just sitting there on the sun and talking, on the other wer two mothers, drinking coffee while kids wer running arround, giggling and enjoying a nice day. I sat on one of the free benches, and took my drawing pad out. The warmth of the sun felt nice, and i began drawing. I can get quite zoomed out of my surroundings when drawing, so when i finaly noticed someone was standing in front of me, i jumped, and my penciles flew all over the floor. I started to stan up from the bench, at the same time that someone started to bend down to help pick them up,our heads coliding. That sent me sitting back on the banch, as both of us groaned from the impact. „Auch.“ I flinched, looking at the person stnding there. It was Jake. „Sorry, i didnt mean to sneak up on you.“ he said, still rubbing his forehead. „No, no, its fine, i was really focused, i didnt see you there.“ I barely managed to say, my voice shakey, clumsely picking my penciles from the floor.He was the last person i expected to run into. I really wasnt ready for this, the knot in my stomach starting to form, as i finaly collected all the penciles and sat back on the bench. I knew we wer gonna run at each other eventualy, but not so soon. He sat next to me, and i could notice by his body language he was a bit nervouse, too. „You look better.“ he said after a moment of silence, giving me a small smile, wich made my heart skip from joy. „Thanks, i feel much better,too.“ I replied, smiling back. He was looking at me so tenderly, and the heat from the sun made me so hot, i had a feeling my cheeks wer red as a lobster. He run his hand through his hair, and all i could think is how much i wanna do that. His look became more serious now, his eyes becoming darker, but that tenderness was still present. „Maya..“ he started „That day at the hospital.. I didnt..I'm sorry..“ but i interupted him. „No need to appologise, Jake, really.“ And he really didnt have to. I continued, before he could say anything else. „Look, its like this: you had every right to act like you did, and even tho it wasnt easy for me to hear you say those stuff, you wer right, in a way.“ He looked me a bit confused. „You wer probably right, I didnt think quite hard about every possible thing that could go wrong, and God knows i had more luck then im willing to admit. But thats just who i am: i act, i go with the flow, i make mistakes. And i appologise when I realize I was wrong, wich I would do to you if you just stayed for a while more. And i mean appologise for not telling you, or anyone about my plan, not for what i did at the end, hence me saying that you wer right in a way.“ I looked at him, he was still calm, not a trace of that anger i saw at the hospital anywhere on his face. That made me relax a bit. „Maya, just let me...“ he started again, but i interputed him once more „Please, Jake, just let me finish, then you can say whatever you wnat.“ He nodded in agreement. „ I know saying 'sorry' at that time seemed so pointless, but you have to know that i really am sorry, Jake, a thousand times sorry. Yet, i still stand by what i said, i would do it all over again, no matter the qonsequences.“ I paused for a moment, before i continued „I really hope you can forgive me. I got so used at having you in my life, and for it to end here and now...“ He looked at me, but i couldnt bring myself to look back at him. I just stared at my hands, not realizing this whole time i was clasping them so tightly. „I hope you wont shut me out of your life comepletly.“ We sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I got my courage and looked at him. He was staring in the distance now. „I felt helpless.“ he said, looking back at me now. „It got me...scared.“ he confessed, and i ached to just hug him. I could see this was being hard for him, saying it. „I've had that happen once before in my life, and it didnt end well.“ His eyes became so sad. „I'm not sure im ready to go through it again.“ That knot at my stomach tightened as he said it, but i took a deep breath „I understand. I'v let you down, i know. But i hope with time, you will be able to trust me again..let me be your friend, at least.“ Friend...that word felt so wrong to me. I didnt want to be just his 'friend', i wanted to be more, so much more. But, i guess at the moment i would be happy with anything. He stared at me for a moment, and before he said it, a smile formed at the corner of his lips „One step at the time.“ „Thats all im asking.“ I said, smiling shyly. He sat there in silence for a brief moment before slowely getting up. „You're good, by the way.“ He said, and i looked at him puzzeled, wich made him smile. He had such a sincere and wonderfull smile. „Your drawing, its good.“ He continued, pointing at my drawing pad. „Oh, that, thanks!“ i replied. „I better be good, i doubt i'll get paid otherwise .“ i grinned. He shook his head at me smiling, walking slowely away from the bench „See you arround, Maya.“ „See you, Jake.“ Watching him walk away this time didnt leave me in pain and agony. I felt hope again. Maybe Doris and Jessy weren't talking nonsence, afterall, I tought, not realising i was grinning like crazy.

After Jake left, i just sat there, letting my heart stop beating insanely. I was really happy for how our unexpected meeting went, i tought there really was some hope for us again. Oh man, Jessy will go crazy when i tell her all about it, she will so rub me her ' i told you so's' in the face! That got me laughing out loud, a few passerbys looking at me like i was crazy. And they wer right, i was crazy! Crazy for Jake. Everything about him drow me crazy: his gorgeous eyes, that ruffeled hair, and that beautifull smile. He shoud definatly smile more, i tought, his whole face smiles when he does it. The churchbell chimmed five , and i cursed under my breath. I better head back to the motel, i need another shower for sure. I quickly grabbed my stuff from the bench, deciding to grab coffee before headiding back. My toughts wer still running wild about Jake as i was walking back towards motel, i colided with a man. I almost dropped my coffe, quickly appologizing. „Be carefull there, miss, you never know who you might bump into.“  He said, a bit grim, like he was makeing a threath. I looked at him a bit astonished „Uhm, i will mister, thanks for your advice. And, sorry again!“ I slowly turned and continued my way. Strange guy i tought, but didnt pay any more toughts about it continuing back to the motel.

Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

--

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

--

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

--

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

--

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

--

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

--

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

--

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

--

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

I liked your ava post, do you have more aboout usm. The WHOle usm team?

I can’t say I have many many hcs but I’ll give you where I think they might end up after SHIELD, and two songs that fit them if that works. 

Peter: I don't know why but I feel like Peter would want to look for his parents once he leaves SHIELD and while doing so, he ends up in a lot of team ups and building up more of his rogues gallery. Basically I imagine stuff from the comic with spider clones, dating MJ, briefly rejoins the Avengers then leaves. Yeah I don't have much for him since comic history leaves people to choose what they want. Imagine Dragon's Beliver because he does have such a heavy pain inside, but that's the thing, he keeps it inside until he snaps them into his fight for justice. "First things first, I'ma say all the words inside my head. I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, The way that things have been.Second thing second, Don't you tell me what you think that I could be. I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea...Taking my message from the veins. Speaking my lesson from the brain. Seeing the beauty through the pain!"

Danny: I'd like to think that he stays in NY to start Heroes for Hire with Luke as soon as they leave SHIELD. They're bros, and he justifies the absence that New York needs Iron Fist more than K'Lun for the moment. He also tries his hand at getting Rand Industries back on track. I also think he does return to K'Lun eventually as King and mystical head. After his work at Rand Industries, he feels more confident as a leader and is willing to stand up to the monks when it comes with changing some of the old ways. Allowing him to travel back to NY to see his friends while keeping the mystical origins of K'Lun sacred. I think Nature Boy rather fits him, soft and melodious and Danny learning he is not alone sort of. "There was a boy. A very strange enchanted boyThey say he wandered very far..Very far over land and sea. A little shy and sad of eye. But very wise, was he."  Les Miserables’ Who am I mainly because I imagine Danny has some identity issues between feeling worthy of the Iron Fist, feeling torn between the US and K'Lun. Ideally, he would end up learning being one does not give up the other part of himself. As one would say they can coexist in a balance. "Who am I? Can I conceal myself forever more.. Pretend I’m not the man I was before?....How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again?"

Luke: As said above, with Danny, when they leave SHIELD, they create Heroes for Hire, they ride or die forever.  Together they clean up their part of New York and Luke comes to terms with some of his past and the people he dealt with in jail. He also meets Jessica Jones during this time and she becomes his new partner (in more ways than one) when Danny leaves for K'Lun. He sometimes does freelance work for SHIELD, mainly at the behest of his parents, sometimes as a favor to Fury. He also sometimes comes by the Helicarrier to be a surprise mentor to whatever new hero they pick up. He is the main instigator of team reunions.

Adam Levine’s If I got locked away totally fits him after the time he spent in jail and scared of being seen as weak, it really fits him and his insecurities. "If I got locked away And we lost it all today. Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same? If I showed you my flaws. If I couldn't be strong. Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?" One call away also fits him simply for his caring nature and how he'll do anything for his friends, "I'm only one call away. I'll be there to save the daySuperman got nothing on me. I'm only one call away/ Call me, baby, if you need a friend. I just wanna give you love...No matter where you go, know you're not alone. I'm only one call away."

Ava: I think once Ava leaves SHIElD, she has some trouble with the amulet whether form being on her own, knowing SHIELD isn't there watching her every move or just cockiness that she can handle it now. Either way, I see her as  taking a break from the amulet. Reasoning her father wanted her to keep it safe, it didn't mean she had to put it on and be a hero. Ideally, she goes to therapy to work through all these issues before ever putting it on again. I imagine she goes home to PR too. I think she could go into bounty hunting, it's more freelance, she helps put baddies away and she can put her investigative skills to good use. Eventually she'd be White Tiger again but for more superpowered threats than every day patrolling. Just breathe from In the Heights not only for the spanish influences but also the utter fear of returning a failure, "Straighten the spine. Smile for the neighbors. Everything's fine, everything's cool. The standard reply: Lots of tests, lots of papers. Smile, wave goodbye and pray to the sky, "Oh God!" And what will my parents say? Can I go in there and say, "I know I'm letting you down..."  Alyssa Greene from The Prom. The lyrics speak for themselves of the utter perfectionism and drive, "The hair has to be perfect. The As have to be straight...Trophies have to be first place. Ribbons have to be blue. There's always some competition or hoops for jumping through. Just have everything perfected by the time you reach eighteen" 

Sam: Admittedly I don't know much about Nova lore or backstory as the others but I think he'll go back to space. Not necessarily as part of the Guardians because honestly I think they had enough members without him. Maybe as a solo act before he finds the other Nova Corps. I definitely see him as becoming a trainer there, finally being the leader he always wanted to be. I also want him to reconnect with his family so he does travel back to Earth to visit them and then swoops by NY for some reunion with his old team before heading back to space. 

Bieber’s Lonely fits Sam because at the heart of it all, I think that's what he is. Lonely, he's still young and trying to navigate these powers and his place in the world and space and what his identity is. And no one else can quite get that. "Everybody knows my name now. But somethin' 'bout it still feels strangeLike lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself and seein' somebody else. And everything is not the same now. It feels like all our lives have changed Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down. But it's killin' me now. What if you had it all, nut nobody to call? Maybe then you'd know me 'cause I've had everything. But no one's listening and that's just f- lonely." Shawn Mendes' Wonder works for similar reasons. Mainly I imagine him singing it to his missing father who inherited so much but knows nothing personally about him, "I wonder why I'm so afraid of saying something wrong, I never said I was a saint. I wonder, when I cry into my hands. I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man and I wonder if someday you'll be by my side and tell me that the world will end up alright. I wonder..I wonder."  And then a party song for each 

Sam: All I do is win by DJ Khaled "All I do is win, win, win no matter what. Got money on my mind, I can never get enough ('Nough) And every time I step up in the building Everybody hands go up And they stay there And they stay there, up, down, up, down, up, down 'Cause all I do is win (Win), win (Win), win And if you going in put your hands in the air, make 'em stay there" 

Luke: Finesse by Bruno Mars, "We out here drippin' in finesseIt don't make no sense Out here drippin' in finesse You know it, you know it We out here drippin' in finesse It don't make no sense Out here drippin' in finesse You know it, you know it" 

Peter: Another one bites the dust by Queen "nother one bites the dustAnother one bites the dust And another one gone and another one gone Another one bites the dust Hey I'm gonna get you too Another one bites the dust"

Danny: Normally, I don't think Danny would be into party music, too much cursing, too much noise to distort the mind, that stuff. But Rihanna is catchy. "I wanna take you away, let's escape into the music, DJ, let it playI just can't refuse it, like the way you do this Keep on rockin' to it Please don't stop the, please don't stop the music I wanna take you away, let's escape into the music, DJ, let it play I just can't refuse it, like the way you do this Keep on rockin' to it Please don't stop the, please don't stop the, please don't stop the music" 

Ava: Woman by Ke$ha "I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, alright I don't need a man to be holding me too tight I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, that's right I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight I'm a motherfucker"  This other cool blog is much more into USM and has tons of hcs if you want more of this stuff, @im-rewriting-ultimate-spider-man

media reccs? 👀 since apparently you are a man of good taste?

Wow thank you 😏 I have a masterlist of movies that have changed me I often recommend to people, I'll just copy and paste here with quick synopses lol, it's kinda long. I'm not super great at writing synopses tho so bear with me

Dead Poets Society (1989)

One of my favorite movies of all time and a total classic. It's about a group of boys at a strict boarding school who are inspired by their new English teacher (played by Robin Williams) to think for themselves and chase their dreams. This movie literally changed my life lol

Quadrophenia (1979)

This movie is based off of the story behind the concept album by The Who of the same name. It follow the life of a young man named Jimmy who is in a gang called the Mods. Theres this huge gang war between them and the Rockers (I think that's their name, it's been a while since i watched it) and Jimmy questions his beliefs about coming-of-age and his values in life throughout the film

Cabaret (1972)

Based off of the Broadway musical of the same name, this movie is about a British man who moves to Germany during the beginning of the rise of Nazis. He meets a woman who basically turns his world upside down, and it follows their love affair and sexuality and anti-semitism, and it's hilarious and heart wrenching and a beautiful movie

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

This is a super trippy romance film. Basically in the universe of this movie, theres a technology that is developed that can delete memories of an entire person from your mind while you are in a dream-like state, and the main character of this movie (played by Jim Carrey) decides to undergo the procedure after a bad breakup. Its soooo good I highly recommend this movie

It's Such a Beautiful Day (2012)

This is an animated film about a man named Bill who is going through brain cancer. Its told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator essentially communicating everything Bill sees, hears, and experiences. This is the movie that got me into film and it is still a complete masterpiece and one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen

The Dirties (2013)

Loved this one a lot back in high school, it's been a while since I watched it. This is a film made in Canada about a high schooler named Matt Johnson and his friend Owen who decide to make a short film for their class about them killing the gang at their school that bullies them, and things take a dark turn. It's a hilarious movie and hits pretty close to home for me in a lot of ways haha

Logan's Run (1976)

Great movie, pretty cheesy though so be warned. This is based off a book with the same name, and it takes place in the future where most of humanity is wiped out except for a small society that lives under a domed structure. No one is allowed to leave the dome, and to control overpopulation, no one is allowed to live past the age of 30. It's really bizarre but I love this movie

Donnie Darko (2001)

Pretty sure this was Jake Gyllenhaal's first big hit when he was super young (I think he was like 19 in this movie but I'm not sure) basically about this kid, Donnie Darko, who is somewhat schizophrenic and has a habit of sleepwalking. After one particular incident he has a near-death experience and starts seeing a man in a bunny costume everywhere who makes him do weird stuff. Another pretty trippy movie with a crazy ending

American Psycho (2000)

Honestly I'm sure a few on this list you've probably seen (most likely this one included) but I didnt wanna leave any out because they're all so good. If you haven't seen this, it's about a Wall Street executive named Patrick Bateman who is a materialistic phony by day and a serial killer by night. I tried to read the book but the inner dialogue was really hard to get through lmao. Awesome movie though huge recommend.

Clockwork Orange (1971)

Yet another trippy one. And fuck it's been a long time since I've seen it so I might get some stuff wrong here. But it's basically about this serial rapist guy who hangs out with this group of goons and they all like to go beat up homeless people and shit, but the main character gets captured and has to go through reformation therapy to make him a better person. It's an extremely bizarre movie but soooo good and kind of hilarious lol

Creep (2014)

Of course this is on my list haha. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a horror movie about this freelance film guy who answers an ad on craigslist to help a man with cancer film a movie for his unborn son. And shit gets weird real fast. One of my favorite horror movies ever, I wouldnt say it's super scary but it's fun as fuck

Hereditary (2018)

If I'm being honest, I don't like a lot of big movies made in super recent years and especially not horror movies (mostly because they're all cheap cash grabs with no substance) but this one is an exception for me. Hereditary is fucking masterful in my opinion, legitimately creepy as hell and well-produced and well written. To put the plot as vaguely as possible without spoiling anything, it's about a family (mostly the mother) who go through some crazy fucked up shit. That's literally all I can say without giving anything away. Super good flick, big recommend

Gattaca (1997)

This list isn't in any particular order, and I love all these movies to death, but if I had to rank them this would probably be on the lower end. It's not a bad movie, it's still great but it's just not as life-changing as the other ones lmao. This takes place in the future where genetic modifications have progressed to a point where you can modify your unborn child's DNA to have the perfect baby. This has led to, essentially racial bias against those who never had that procedure when they were born. The main character was not one of these "special" children, but he wants an extremely prestigious job which requires that of the employee. Through the film, he is trying to fake his identity and fool the company into thinking he is one of these perfect people. Still a great film

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Johnny Depp, man, he is something else. I LOVE this movie. Based off a true story and a book written by the man who lived it, Hunter S. Thompson, this follows the adventure of the writer and his attorney as they go on a drugged-out, psychedelic romp through Las Vegas with the original intention being to cover a story on a motorcycle race, but things go off the rails as they both terrorize the entire city in a way. Just a fun ride the whole way, a great movie

The Truman Show (1998)

God I'm realizing this list is long as fuck. Don't watch all of these movies, it might take you a lifetime lmao. Anyway, this is a classic Jim Carrey movie and another one you've probably seen. But again, if you haven't, this movie is about a man whose entire life has been fabricated and shot for television without him knowing. Super great, super moving, fantastic film 10 outta 10 I gotta wrap this shit up

A Scanner Darkly (2006)

A lesser known Keanu Reeves movie, but fuck I wish more people have seen this. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it's based off a book which is just as amazing. This movie takes place in the near future, where facial recognition technology has progressed wayyy too far, and drugs have gotten to the point of no return. The plot follows a detective who is undercover in a junkie house trying to figure out who is the top of the drug dealing totem pole, but ends up wrapped in the junkie lifestyle a little too deeply. Seriously, I recommend this movie to everyone who asks, it's so damn good

Fight Club (1999)

Another popular one. If you havent seen it, it's based off a book by Chuck Palahniuk following the story of a man (the main character actually doesnt have a name lol) who meets a guy named Tyler Durden who changes his entire perspective on how the world works. They start an underground boxing club together to help themselves and other men blow off steam and get away from the capitalist consumer-centric lifestyle they are forced into. Big twist at the end, great movie five stars on yelp

Harold and Maude (1971)

This is a weird one. Gotta say. It's about a guy in his 20s who meets an old woman at a funeral and falls in love with her. Sounds pretty ok at face value but theres a lot of really strange subplots and a huuuuge twist at the end (one of the subplots being the guy compulsively fakes his suicide to get his mother's attention) big recommend

Polyester (1981)

This one I cant even explain u just have to watch it its fucking bizarre

Fargo (1996)

Ok lightning round on the synopses, this movie is about a man who wants to commit fraud by hiring guys to kidnap his wife so her father can pay them ransom and instead the husband gets the money but everything goes wrong it's really good

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Another modern movie I actually like, last time I watched this I was on shrooms and it was crazy but it's about this hotel right on the border of california and (Nevada I think?) And all these weird people are staying at it and there are twists at every turn and chris hemsworth is a cult leader in it its great

Memento (2000)

GREAT MOVIE GOD PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE it's about a man who develops short term memory loss after witnessing the rape and murder of his wife AND WHEN I SAY THERE ARE TWISTS LIKE EVERY TEN MINUTES I MEAN IT. The film is chronologically backwards, in that the first scene takes place at the end of the story and works back from there in increments of like 5 minutes. Basically each scene is a segment of time that this guy remembers before his memory loss kicks in and he forgets and FUCK it's so good please god watch it

Almost Famous (2000)

This is another one that would probably be low on my ranking but still a great and fun movie, it's about this kid that wants to write articles about rock stars for the rolling stone (based off a true story btw) and he ends up running away to go ride on a tour bus with some band and gets into all types of shenanigans and its great and sad

Parasite (2019)

Another modern movie I love, fuck this is getting too long lmao. Poor family wants to make money and they hatch a scheme to pretend to be bougie and work for this rich family but shit gets weird and everything goes wrong and it's so good (also literally the only film ever that made me speechless afterwards)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Pretty much lives up to the hype, I totally forgot the plot but it's pretty damn good I remember that lmao

The Warriors (1979)

Fun movie, theres a bunch of teen gangs in New York and the leader of all of em is like "hey we should rally all the gangs together and fuck up the cops so we can rule this city" but then he gets shot by someone in the crowd and the gang The Warriors gets blamed so the whole movie is them running from all the other gangs so they can get back to home base and it's just an all around fun time movie

12 Monkeys (1995)

THIS MOVJE IS CRAZY it takes place in the future where a virus has almost completely wiped humans off the face of the earth so these scientists send this guy back in time to figure out where it came from so they can stop it from ever happening but obviously everything goes wrong and yadda yadda yadda it's amazing

Waking Life (2001)

Gonna preface this by saying this film is definitely not for entertainment, it's kind of an arthouse-type flick. It's the type of movie you have to think really really hard about to watch. The basic plot is the main character is stuck inside his own lucid dream, and is walking around listening to all these characters in his dream talk to him about, idk like the meaning of life and consciousness and shit. It's really good if you're in the mood for that type of thing.

Okay I'm finally done, you probably didnt expect this but I've been meaning to put my movie recommendations on this blog anyway haha. I deleted some just cause it was getting wayyyy too long. If u want a shorter list I can just give u like a top 5 in DMs but there u go have at it, every movie on that list is a banger I swear

RFA with a MC that has dyslexia

This is the last request I had saved! It’s by @gompereatsall​, who sent me this:

The other is where MC has dyslexia (and dropped out of high school, so she doesnt even have a high school education) and she struggles to keep it s secret from her S/O

I ended up having no ideas for Jaehee :( Since it was already long, she’s skipping this particular headcanon. I hope you liked it, sending hugs!

Yoosung

He was really, really excited when he learnt you were the same age as his. His excitement decreased a little when he realized you weren’t enrolled at SKY, though.

He asked for your major, but you decided to keep it a secret. Since he didn’t want to share his either, you joked you would tell him about yours when he told you about his.

It was all fun and games until he told you what his major was.

You tried to hide for months, even going to the extent to say you had online classes so that’s why you were almost always home.

Until that night came.

You had decided to spend the quarantine together and Yoosung was having trouble with the whole online classes idea. You had just woken up and were still half-asleep when he came to the bedroom to ask for your help, since his classes started in ten minutes and he couldn’t get the platform to work.

“MC, I really need your help, please, get up,” he asked, shaking your shoulder gently. You groaned and rubbed your eyes.

“Help you how?”

“I don’t know how to use this platform, and maybe it’s the one you’re using too. Please, they will count me as absent if I’m late!”

“Hmm, how would I know how that works?” you mumbled, turning around and trying to get to sleep again.

“Because you… take online classes,” Yoosung reasoned. He pouted, his eyes going around the bedroom. “Right? You told me all your classes were online”.

The realization you had just messed up made you sit up on the bed, startled.

Yoosung was looking at you confused and you realized there was no way to explain what you had just said. You just looked at him, feeling incredibly small in your pajamas, his confused expression hurting you. You bit your lip, and opened your mouth to talk, but Yoosung cut you off.

“Can we… talk about this later? I’ll call Seven for help”

You nodded as he shut the door behind him. You let yourself fall on the bed again. You knew how much he hated secrets and you couldn’t believe you had done well for so long before letting him find out like this.

A couple of hours later, you went to the kitchen and found him there, drinking a can of soda as he looked at his phone. You took a deep breath and asked him to sit down on the couch with you so you could explain.

Once you told him the real reason behind your lie, his anger seemed to go away for a bit. You explained you were so proud of him for going to school, and that you didn’t want to share your experience with the education system, since you felt it had failed you and your dyslexia diagnose. SKY was a tough uni to get into, and knowing he studied there, you didn’t want him to know you were actually stupid.

Yoosung immediately hugged you tightly against his chest.

“You’re not stupid! Never say that again,” he said, pressing a kiss on your forehead. “It’s not like only smart people get into good unis. The exam is design in a way only with good memory pass it, intelligence has nothing to do with it,” he assured you. “I’m not really smart either. But you’re definitely not stupid. You had something that got in the way of your learning! Your school should have helped instead of letting you drop out”.

The next days, Yoosung took his time in getting educated about everything and anything that had to do with your diagnose. He found out all the ways he could help and tried his best to make your life a little bit easier. He always asked you what else did you need and what else he could do to fill that need.

And, honestly? That level of love and support was everything you needed

Zen

You were watching a series with him after a long day of work. The protagonist and their love interest went to a classic American prom and had the mandatory slow dance scene.

“I guess having something like prom would have been fun. The guys at my school went on a trip” Zen commented. You stayed in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say next. You just hummed and nodded, your eyes fixed on the screen. The episode ended and as the credits rolled, he turned to you again. “How was your prom? Who did you go with?” he asked with a teasing smile.

“Oh-- it was nice,” you answered. “Hey, I’m making some coffee for myself, you want anything?” you offered, getting up from the couch and heading to the kitchen.

“Hey! Why don’t you wanna tell me who did you go with?”

“It’s not important!”

“Oh, that means you did go with someone!” Zen reasoned, following you. “Babe, it’s okay, it’s not like you are still dating or seeing that guy anymore,” he said, his expression falling shortly after. “You’re not, right?”

“Of course not!” you huffed.

“Right, sorry, my mind went somewhere really dangerous,” Zen apologized. “So, why won’t you tell me about your prom? C’mon, I wanna know”

You sighed and turned around, finally facing him.

“I didn’t have one,” you muttered. “I didn’t finish high school”

Zen furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said. “Why… why didn’t you tell me? You know I also dropped out.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do it for… you know, your reasons. You had to make a choice to further your career and you were also going through issues. I was just stupid”

“You’re not stupid, what are you talking about?”

“I… I had a lot of trouble at school. I have dyslexia and it made school so damn difficult, I was about to fail the year so I… dropped out. My drawings were somewhat good so I became a freelancer but yeah, my stupid brain didn’t let me have a prom”

“Okay, you have to stop calling yourself stupid. You’re an amazing artist! C’mon, don’t be so hard on yourself,” he asked, pulling you to his chest and hugging you.

Two weeks after your conversation, you got home after delivering a project and found Zen’s apartment filled with balloons, a small disco ball on a table, soft music playing one of your favourite songs.

Zen came out of the window wearing a light blue shirt and black pants, a slightly loose tie around his neck. You smiled when you saw him and left your purse near the door. As soon as you were in reaching distance, he twirled you around and then set his hand on the small of you back, his other hand taking yours. He started slow-dancing with you, his soft eyes fixed on you.

“Where did all this come from?” you asked with a grin, swaying your body to the music.

“I guess this way we both get to have a prom dance like the ones we see on TV,” he shrugged. “I even prepared punch, it’s in the kitchen.”

“Is it spiked?”

“You know me too well, babe,” he laughed, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

Jumin

Jumin had noticed you didn’t tell him stories about your school. He would tell you all about his time with V, but you never shared stories of your own. He didn’t mind it at first but was curious.

For a moment, he thought you might feel uncomfortable since he went to a fancy private school and you didn’t, but when time passed and you easily accommodated to his lifestyle he realized that wasn’t the case.

Jumin is a very observant man, so he also noticed how you had trouble reading. He had never mentioned it, figuring you hadn’t put on your contacts lenses.

That night when he left work and came to you, something couldn’t leave his mind. And of course, you noticed the tiny tell-tales he wasn’t as relaxed as he usually was when you two were together. You both were sitting on the sofa in silence when you couldn’t hold it any longer.

“What’s going on, love?”

“You know I hate bringing up work when we’re together, but…” Jumin sighed. “Assistant Kang wrote the speech I’m supposed to give at the gala I told you about and I just can’t see why I don’t really like it. I can’t even tell her to do it again because I don’t know why is it about it that I dislike,” he paused and took out a piece of paper from his briefcase. “Would you take a look at it? Maybe you can help me pin what’s wrong about it”.

You nodded and took the piece of paper from Jumin’s hands. He watched you as you scrunched your eyebrows, but kept your eyes focused on the paper.

“Do you need me to hand you your contacts?” he offered.

“I have them on,” you muttered, trying to concentrate.

“Maybe those aren’t working for you anymore? I could have the best optician see you tomorrow morning”

“No, I just-- I have-- Give me a minute to try and read this,” you tried to explain. Jumin looked at you confused. “I have dyslexia, so I have a little trouble reading long texts. But give me more time and I can finish this”

“I didn’t know,” Jumin said. He stayed in silence for a moment. “Did that make school difficult?”

He noticed the way your hands tensed. “I… I didn’t finish high school. Couldn’t keep up”.

And that was the moment everything clicked for Jumin.

He gave you the time you needed to finish reading and then listened to your comments about it. Knowing it was a delicate subject, he didn’t make further comment on it, but rather tried to be more affectionate than ever that night.

In the following days, he asked you if you wanted to get your high school diploma. He offered the help of a therapist that could help you and a tutor if you needed one. If you didn’t want to get a diploma, he still offered the help, as he knew it could still be beneficial for you.

He would ask a lot of questions about it on how he could make life easier for you. Do you prefer audio messages rather than texts? Because he would ask Saeyoung to change the RFA chat if needed.

He just wanted to know he would try and give you anything that could make you feel as happy as he was with you.

Saeyoung

Working this under the theory that Saeyoung has ADHD.

Neurodivergent team!

SILENCE, NEUROTYPICAL is your favourite catchphrase tbh

You try to help each other as much as you can! You do your best to help with his cluttering and remind him when he should get some rest. You also played a big part in changing his eating habits.

He also makes sure to add a feature for voice messages. Jaehee hates it because she is always working or listening to Zen’s recordings and it’s not practical. But Saeyoung uses it all the time and has upped his prank game sending the most annoying audios to everyone. But you know the only reason why he added it was to make your life a little bit easier.

He offers to pay for a therapist if you want to exercise your reading skills.

One late night, as you both had just finished watching a movie and were cuddling on the couch, you confessed you hadn’t been able to finish high school due to the dyslexia. You told him you hadn’t told him before because you were ashamed of it, and would appreciate if he didn’t tell anyone either. You didn’t want them to know you didn’t have a diploma.

“You know I can hack your school system and get you a diploma, right?” he asked. You chuckled and shook your head.

“Thank you, baby. There’s not need, though”

“If you want to try again, it’s okay,” he said, kissing your cheek. “And if you don’t, that’s okay too. Just whatever you decided to do with it… remember you won’t have to do it alone this time”.