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save-the-villainous-cat · 9 months

Note

Can you please do a hero x villain spice where hero punishes villain for something 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 and make it VERY spicy im begging

When the villain woke up, they were delirious and sweating. At first, they squeezed their eyelids together, for the stinging light seemed to burn their retinas.

They gulped for air and let their head fall back, taking in a few breaths before they could register that they were bound to a chair.

“What the…”

Although they needed a few seconds to get used to the brightness, they were fully aware that they weren’t alone.

“Oh, hello,” the hero purred once the villain spotted them leaning against the wall in the corner. From what the villain could see, they looked smug, very satisfied too and the villain wasn’t sure if the burning desire under their skin was normal or from the sedative.

They seemed to be in an interrogation room but thankfully there were no cameras. The villain always said dumb shit when they were alone with the hero.

“What did you…”

“Shhhh.” The hero sat down on their lap, hips against hips with their arms on the villain’s shoulders and —fuck— that woke up the villain. “God, your eyes are really pretty.”

The villain felt heat conjure in their cheeks and they wanted to look at the floor. However, there was only the hero they could look at and, admittedly, it was a good view.

“All those muscles, too. You’re really stiff, though.” The hero grabbed their shoulder and squeezed lovingly as their nails dug into the villain.

“I…Christ—” The villain couldn’t help but moan. They’d been sore for days, ever since they’d helped some other villains during a heated hostage conflict.

“Listen,” the hero said. They grabbed the villain’s jaw gently. “You’re clever, I know that. We all know that. But taking people hostage? Not your style and not smart.”

“I…” The villain’s laboured breath became more controlled but still lacked any calmness. “I’m sorry.”

It had been…a complicated situation. Hostage situations were incredibly difficult to pull off and obviously illegal as well as dangerous. When the villain had agreed to it, they had had their reasons.

“You’re ruining your chances at redemption. I thought that’s what you wanted? I thought you wanted to be better.” The hero pressed their hips deeper into the villain’s which made the latter close their eyes, reaching for the self-control they needed so bad. The hero was so close and still out of reach.

Yes, the villain wanted to be better. They knew their methods were wrong and making them a criminal but there was also strategy involved in this.

“This is important to me.” The hero brushed the villain’s throat with their lips. “You’re not a bad person.”

“You kidnapped me,” the villain whispered as a little tingle of excitement formed in their stomach. They loved it when the hero wasn’t sticking to their moral code. It was like they were rubbing off on each other.

“The police were after you, so I caught you first. I saved you,” the hero replied.

“I love how you’re trying to tell yourself that this is heroic,” they said, grinning tiredly.

“What is this then?” The hero repositioned themselves on the villain’s lap, resulting in more friction against the villain’s crotch. God, this was some other type of torture.

“Mean.”

“Mean?” the hero asked. “Oh, dear, I eat villains like you for breakfast. I can be so much meaner.”

They tugged on the villain’s hair hard enough to be pleasurably painful. The villain knew they were too desperate.

“You’re seeing other villains?” they asked. Unexpectedly, the hero gave the villain’s neck a wet kiss and the villain swore it activated their whole nervous system.

“Of course not. I’m just teasing,” the hero murmured.

“Mm, good, good.” Their eyes found each other and for a second, the villain could only stare at their enemy. Sometimes, they regretted what kind of life they had chosen. If they had chosen another path, become a hero, maybe they would already have the hero to themselves with no second-guessing and no jealousy knocking on their door regularly.

“May I?” the hero whispered and at first, the villain wasn’t quite sure what they meant. Until they got closer. Until their hand was on the villain’s thigh.

“Do whatever you want.” The hero kissed them quite possessively. They were eager and skilled when it came to intimacy. Although the villain didn’t want to call themselves lonely, they knew that the hero was driven by the same feeling. To want someone is easy but to deserve affection?

There were times when the villain had doubted that they deserved to be loved. And yet, the hero was there. They were present. With their tongue in the villain’s mouth and their hand in the villain’s pants.

It felt indescribably good.

“The hostages,” the hero began when they had to gasp for air.

“Come on, not now…” The hero kissed them again but they continued to whisper against the villain’s skin.

“You can’t just do that. You can’t take people hostage.”

“I…” The hero’s hand was exactly where the villain wanted it but the hero’s movement was less than little. “It was in exchange for a favour.”

“I think you have to speak up a little.” The hero tilted their head, genuinely curious, and slowly began to move their hand more.

“…I wanted to protect you, I — fuck — I worked on the job and in exchange the others leave you alone,” the villain said. Their brain was fried. And their heart was beating happily until their head was red. However, their answer surprised the hero.

“Wait, really?” They stopped and the villain cursed quietly, suffering from the dying ecstasy. The hero looked…happy? God, the villain couldn’t really tell, they were too deep in their personal pleasure limbo.

“Yes,” they admitted. “Protection for you.”

That made the hero smirk.

“We won’t need protection today, my love,” they joked.

“I fucking hate you,” the villain answered, despite mirroring the hero’s grin.

What they weren’t aware of was that the hero’s disapproval regarding the hostage situation was serious. They didn’t let the villain finish even once and that was pure horror. Otherwise, they were quite sweet today.

#he ate my heart #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #suggestive

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masterof-blabber · 28 days

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Dragons Rising S2P2 predictions because I can keep them to myself no longer 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

Ok this is going to be mostly Arin/Sora centric because HOOOO BOY do I sense trouble in the air for these two

First of all, Arin is DEFINITELY going to find out about Sora helping him out with the object spinjitzu thing and I think he’s going to be really really hurt. They spent so much time this season building up his feelings of insecurity and finding this out is going to bring them back in a HUGE way.

Another thing the writers spent a long time building up was Arin’s innate goodness/kindness/naivety. Call me crazy but I think he’s going to learn shatterspin in part 2 - the one thing that literally requires destroying the goodness in your soul. I don’t think he’ll use it much but I think he will learn it and be irreversibly changed

I can envision the lead-up to it so vividly and I think finding out what Sora did is going to be the tipping point. I think the rough timeline would go something like this:

Things are going well-ish. Arin’s confidence is restored and he’s back to training with a new enthusiasm. I don’t think he’ll master object spinjitzu at this point but he’ll be seeing more success and feeling better about himself

Something will happen - my guess some sort of pivotal battle where they’re relying on Arin’s object spinjitzu to save the day and it won’t work and Sora will have to come clean.

Arin - betrayed and insecure - lashes out towards Sora, and then towards Lloyd and the others when they try to comfort/calm him down. He says he needs some time to himself and runs off somewhere

While he’s alone, he’s approached by some force of evil (maybe Ras, or Ras’ master, or someone different entirely) and they use his insecurity to convince him that the ninja are holding him back - think like his conversation with Ras in part 1 - and because he’s feeling so awful about it he’ll agree to join them

Training under this new person, they’ll encourage him to work with all this insecurity and build up a ton of anger towards the ninja - especially Sora and Lloyd - and I think they’ll get him to use that to learn shatterspin

Also pretty sure Sora will learn spinjitzu & rising dragon in p2. Thematically this makes a lot of sense as Sora has been very intertwined with dragons since her introduction (she literally NAMED herself after one), and her element is all about creating new things and pushing the limits of what she can do.

Meanwhile Arin doesn’t have an element (as far as we’re aware, and I really hope it stays that way), and a parts his design speak to oni imagery - the horns especially. I don’t think it’s far-fetched so assume that under the right circumstances he may turn to destruction

Creation and Destruction never ever show up without each other in ninjago. They are completely linked and a recurring theme in the show and I think this will become WAY more evident as dragons rising progresses

Other small things:

Someone will find Jay, probably. (Hopefully!!!!) I’m hopeful for an angsty arc but in all honesty it seems like it’ll resolve quite quickly once they do find him. Tbh im happy either way I just miss my wife

Cole/Geo won’t become explicitly canon but they will continue being delightfully queercoded

I think Wyldfyre and Nya are both going to struggle without Kai,, he’s sort of been a father figure to both of them and knowing he’s stuck somewhere he might never escape from is gonna be really hard on them (esp for Nya who’s already sort of lost one of the most important people in her life)

More Wu info??? (Hoping for this! Hes present in at least one of the new sets (dragon stone shrine, linked below) so im hopeful we’ll find out what happened that silly old guy

PIXAL return???? (I’m begging on my hands and knees)

Arin Sora and Wyldfyre will meet Fritz and Spitz idk I just think that would be cute

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kindagayfish · 1 year

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Hello friend!

Im new to the trigun family after watching Stampede and recently ive been on a Knives kick and i dont see much content about him x reader.

So i was wondering if we could get some headcanons about what would make Knives feel “those gross human feelings” (love, the need to protect,need for affection) for the reader, and how he would tell them or show them?

I just need some knives fluff! Boy needs and hug! If you dont wanna write that, thats totally fine!! Thank you!!

A/N: Knives is SUCH an interesting character and im literally so feral for him. This is very much stream-of-conscious writing and not proofread. It also turned out so much longer than I expected! I legit got so carried away so I hope you enjoy it!!

Also I feel like my thoughts/headcanons for Knives will always be constantly evolving because he's just such a complex character??? And I love it???

Contains: Hints of nsfw thoughts if you squint??, fluff I guess??, can knives even do fluff???, the slowest of slowburns for this man

So we know Knives does know what love feels like…sorta. He loves Vash, and wants to see a future where they can both live their lives without the fear of being used for what they are. However, that means killing every human left on the planet. So it’s a twisted kind of love…but he still cares in his own way.

I don’t think Knives would notice you right away. It won’t be some love-at-first-sight, omg this human was so nice to me thing. It will take A LOT of time. He has completely blocked himself off from anyone because of fear, and fear is an intense driving force.

Perhaps you’re involved in his grand scheme somehow; A scientist in a lab who has taken a special interest in the Plants. At first, you’re focused on finding a more sustainable way for them to be used…but then after witnessing one open itself up, showing a high level of intelligence, you change your studies to find a way for them to live beyond the confines of the glass tanks.

You’re aware of Knives. Aware that he’s what they call an Independent. And you take notes on him, studying any file that isn’t restricted from the ships that once roamed the universe.

Knives becomes aware of you rather quickly. It's hard to ignore the way your eyes follow his every move, jotting down your observations quickly into a notebook that never seems to leave your hands. At first he finds it irritating, having this human stalk him like a shadow. However, it was only when you caught him on a particularly bad day that he finally spoke to you.

"Get OUT." His voice was ice, sending a sharp tendral into your notebook, tearing it from your hands. You let out a pained yelp, though none of the blades touched had you, and ran out of the room.

After he's calmed down, curiosity gets the better of him, and Knives spends the rest of the evening reading through your notes.

The next day it's him that seeks you out. Knives finds you in a lab, placing your in-tact notebook on the table in front of you before stating that some of your observations were incorrect, which causes you to flush with embarrassment. He leaves immediately after, and upon inspecting your notebook, you find that he had crossed out some of your own notes, replacing it with the "correct" information.

Knives begins to tolerate your company. You're not as insufferable as the other humans, and he finds himself quite intrigued by how brave you've gotten around him ever since that day. But he continues to keep himself at a distance….for now.

So anyways as your "relationship" with Knives progresses:

Knives shows his love through acts of service and quality time. He allows you into his space; allows himself to lower his guard and try to understand these strange feelings he gets when around you. Although, again, this takes time.

He'll start to show interest in whatever experiments you're running, quietly observing from a respectable distance. It might even start to feel like you’re the one being studied from how intense his silent stare is (he is 100% memorizing everything about you).

The more time spent with you, the more possessive he becomes of this time...and just you in general.

Knives knows that you have to talk to others in order to do your job, but that doesn't mean he won't glare at them until they walk away. He prides himself on how his presence alone can clear a room so it can just be the two of you.

If you forget to eat, time getting away from you, Knives might sigh and fetch you something. Setting it down directly in front of you and making comments under his breath about how "humans are pathetic" and how you "can't even take care of yourself". You're like a pet, he tells himself...rationalizing why he would go out of his way to make sure you stay healthy.

Physical touch comes much later

Sometimes you'll feel him lean in from behind, gazing over your shoulder to gain a better view of what you're working on. Heat radiates off of his body, but he never brings himself to touch you. Knives finds it amusing at how flustered you get when he does this and likes to test your boundaries as well as his own. He’ll catch himself too often wondering how soft your skin would feel under his fingertips. It’s a disgusting thought, really. (he is so touch starved but will NOT allow himself to indulge in this innocent fantasy because he’s stubborn and has the biggest god complex)

But it eventually happens one evening when you hand him your notebook. All of his senses are ignited, the place where your fingers brushed against his hand burns throughout the night. Knives can't bring himself to admit he likes this feeling, at least not out loud.

Oh but does he crave it.

It's a thrill, an adrenaline rush, and strangely even more fulfilling than the feeling he gets when he takes a human life.

Starts as "accidental". Fingers colliding when reaching for the same thing, the back of his hand brushing against yours as you both walk, standing too close to you so that when you take a step back, you bump into his chest.

Soon he's grabbing your wrist to stop you from doing something stupid, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you out of a room, even taking your hand in his, frowning at the fresh injury on your skin, but also burning up inside at the fact that his own hand swallows yours completely. That you're just so fragile. So human.

Knives is absolutely obsessed.

#millions knives x reader #knives millions #millions knives #millions knives headcanons #trigun stampede #trigun x reader #millions knives x you

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fuqsketti · 2 years

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First time doing this , im not even sure if this is how you request something sorry if not + this is not my firts languaje sorry again . I JUST CANT GET OVER THE THOUGHT OF COMFORTING MIKE WHEN HE FEELS INSECURE AAAAAA having the biggest Mike br rn

bother || mike wheeler x reader

a/n : tysm for the request! i hope u enjoy! &

@m1ke-wheeler tysm for the request awell <3

unedited

fluff mostly, bit of angst

Mike Wheeler, a loser, and his popular girlfriend, Y/n walked hand in hand to every class each day.

It was a ritual that almost everyone at hawkins high knew.

“Bye Mikey.” Y/n chirped as she pressed a kiss to his sharp jaw, his face turning red from the affection.

Even after all this time she still gave him butterflies like no other.

“See you.” He whispered letting go of her hand as she walked into her science class.

Mike sighed that she was now gone but continued on to where he was supposed to be, Mike hated this particular class since he had no one to talk to- who would want to be friends with him? His hellfire shirt scared off any potential peers.

Mike walked over to his seat and sat down, keeping his head held low. He was aware of all the eyes on him, but he decided to ignore them. He was used to it at this point, people who knew nothing about him judging him like they did.

Y/n had always told him not to give them power, not let them see they were bothering him.

So that’s what he always did.

“Why is she even going out with that nerd?” Her heard a girl whisper, he knew it was about him.

Don’t let them bother you.

“She has Andy and Chance chasing after her, lucky bitch.” He heard another girl reply- Mike’s stomach dropped, Andy and Chance? Weren’t those basketball players? They liked

Y/n? What chance did Mike have against the two most popular boys in the school?

No no, Mike don’t freak yourself out. Y/n loves you. You and only you.

Don’t let these girls bother you.

Mike tried to reassure himself but he didn’t feel much better.

Oh well, by next period he should be better. When he finally got to see her.

When he finally got to hold Y/n by the hand and take her to her next class, that simple four minute passing period would definitely lift his spirits.

“Y’know I heard Andy was gonna ask her out.” He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard that,

“No way. She’s dating-“ Girl number two paused ‘lowering’ her voice as she spoke.

“That guy.” Mike could feel their eyes bore into him, and if he could? He’d sink into the floor.

“And? You think Andy can’t take him on? The boys a stick!” The last part was whispered he’d guessed to try and save his feelings, She didn’t do a very good job.

“Stop that’s so mean!” Girl number one said yet still cackled like it was the funniest thing she’s heard all year.

“Whatever, i’m sure Y/n will come to her senses soon enough.” Mike finally poked his head up- seeing Mandy and Georgia, Y/n’s friends and two of the most popular girls in school. They were staring right at him.

They quickly looked away when they saw him look, giggling while doing so.

Mike felt sick, sick because they were right.

He was a freak. Y/n could have anyone she wanted- why did she choose him? And to hear those mean words from her own friends?

He didn’t think he was very attractive, nor very strong. She could have someone who was everything he wasn’t at the snap of a finger.

His thoughts began to consume him, he tried not to let it bother him but it was hard because it just made sense to him, so much so he forgot to pick Y/n up from her class.

“Mike!” Y/n called to him, he turned from his locker and watched as she happily jogged up to him.

It was then he realized he had forgotten.

How could he forget something like that?Leaving her all alone? What a good boyfriend he was..

“Hey Mikey.” she chirped, leaning against the locker next to his.

“Hi.” He said blandly, turning to face her.

Odd, but she proceeded.

“So, you wanna go see ‘The Thing’ after school? Heard it’s scary.” She smiled, knowing he had said he wanted to go earlier that week.

However he shook his head quickly, unable to look her in the eyes. He was almost afraid that if she could look into his eyes she could see everything he’d heard written through his expression and he was worried she’d agree.

“Uhm, no I can’t tonight- My dad! He wants to- take me to dinner…” He rambled, again looking anywhere but her.

“Oh.” She murmured, feeling a bit dejected. But who was she to not encourage him and his dad hanging out? They’ve never had a great relationship, and If Ted wanted to try and fix it she wouldn’t get in his way.

“You wanna hangout later this week then?” She asked afterwards, trying to look into his eyes.

He avoided it.

“I don’t know.” He muttered, looking down at the floor.

“You don’t know?” She asked, realizing he was now just downright rejecting her.

He shook his head and closed his locker then finally looked her in the eyes.

“I mean, I don’t know if I can- i’ll let you know.” He quickly said, then walked away.

Without a goodbye.

“Mike-“ She went to call after him but realized it was pointless, she decided to just go to class and ignore the tears forming in her eyes.

Maybe he was just having a bad day.

It’s not like he just dumped her.

Quit being such a crybaby.

Everything was going to be okay.

Right?

A whole week later of no contact.

Y/n was going insane.

She had tried to call to him multiple times in the halls only for him to blatantly ignore her or walk the opposite way.

She’d been calling his home, only to get his mom or dead air on the other end of the phone.

She had to trap him, so he couldn’t avoid her.

She thought he was doing that classic boy thing, where they are mean to a girl until they get the girl to break up with them.

And Y/n was not having it.

She rode her bike to Mike’s house as soon as school was out.

She threw her bike on the lawn, walking up to the front door with confidence.

Then she knocked on the door and waited.

Her confidence beginning to falter as she waited for what felt like hours.

What if he just sent her home?

What if he broke up with her on the spot?

Maybe this was all just a bad idea…

Nancy opened the door.

“Y/n?”

“H-Hi, can I see Mike?” Y/n asked nervously, rocking on her feet.

“Of course.” Nancy smiled, stepping back to welcome her in. “I think he might be in his room.”

Mike however was down in his basement feeling sorry for himself, he’d wrapped himself in a big blanket and was currently cocooning himself in his little fort.

He’d been reclusive since the day he heard those two girls talking, because everything just made sense.

Y/n was too good for him.

She truly was, Mike was just waiting for the day she’d knock on his door and break up with him.

Break his heart.

“Mike!” Nancy called down the basement, Mike scowled at how loud his sister was.

Groaning and rolling over- he sometime wished his fort would turn into a gate to the upside down. So he could just escape it all.

“You’re girlfriend is here to see you!” Nancy called- Mike felt his stomach twist, here she was. She was going to break up with him.

“Tell her i’m not home!” Mike shouted back, flopping to his side and tightening his blanket around him.

If he didn’t see her, technically she couldn’t break up with him.

“Ouch.” Y/n muttered, as she looked to her boyfriends sister. Nancy offered her a sympathetic look and shrugged.

Y/n sighed

“Can I go down?“ She asked,

“Be my guest.” Nancy said then turned to whisper in her ear. “Mike’s been in a funk recently, have fun.”

Y/n swallowed her nerves and made her way down, but was confused when she didn’t see Mike right away.

He was nowhere to be seen.

“Mike?” She called out- Mike stayed silent, realizing Nancy had let her down despite what he said. He quickly moved his foot that was hanging out of the fort.

Y/n heard the shuffle and made her way towards the fort- Mike held his breath the entire time.

But to no avail, Y/n kneeled down and moved the blanket that was covering the fort like a door.

“Knock knock.” She whispered, she melted at how cute Mike looked- all wrapped up in his little blanket,

“Y-Y/n..” Mike sat up immediately after seeing his beautiful girlfriend.

He was supposed to be avoiding her,

But he’d missed her face.

“Hey.” She sighed, scooting into the fort and letting the blanket fall behind her. Now it was just them, alone in the cozy fort.

“Listen, I don’t know what I did but-“ She started, already looking uncomfortable that she had to be having this conversation.

“If you’re gonna break up with me…don’t play the long game. Get it over with please.” She quickly said her eyes beginning to gloss.

“What?” Mike asked, letting his grip on his blanket falter.

“I’m going insane trying to figure out what I did wrong.” She rambled, the tears in her eyes making mike cringe-

What a good boyfriend he was…he made her cry.

“So if you’re going to do it just- do us both a favor and do it now.” She said as her voice quivered, her hand quickly wiping the tears that had managed to fall.

“Y/n no, I don’t wanna breakup with you.” Mike sighed shakily, reaching forward for her hand.

Y/n looked up at him hopefully.

“You don’t?” She asked.

He shook his head and began to feel himself get a bit choked up.

“No-No, the opposite I wanna uhm…” He began but found himself at a loss for words.

He wanted to be with her, that’s ALL he wanted.

But he didn’t feel good enough for her, she deserved someone better than Mike.

But Mike was selfish, he knew Y/n deserved the world and more- but he wanted her all to himself. It was a constant internal battle for him.

Y/n must’ve sensed him getting lost in his thoughts, she ran her thumb along his knuckles giving him a reassuring smile.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” She asked.

“I’m sorry.” Mike whispered, looking away from her.

She moved her head so she was in his line of sight again.

“Don’t say sorry, tell me why.” She whispered back.

She saw his face finally fall, his eyes watered as he looked absolutely defeated.

“It’s just-“ He started,

“I don’t know-“ He groaned.

He caught her expectant eyes,

“I don’t know how to- say it.” He admitted.

“It’s okay, throw some words out- i’ll put them together.” She assured him.

“I-“

“I don’t..” He couldn’t find the words.

“I want you to-“ He tried again.

“I don’t like how many guys…like you.” He blurted, then covered his face with his hand in embarrassment.

“You’re gorgeous and I understand that’s how it’s gonna be but-“ He continued then peaked through his hands.

“I don’t understand why you keep choosing me.” he finally admitted.

“Mike…” Y/n whispered, her heart breaking at the state her boyfriend was in.

“I’m just- Dorky.. and i’m not strong like the basketball guys, you deserve so much better than me.” He kept going, pouring his entire heart out to Y/n- He didn’t wanna cry, the lump in his throat made him sure he was going too but he didn’t want to.

His dad always taught him men don’t cry.

Beside that why would he cry? it’d only make Y/n feel worse and he was a bad enough boyfriend already.

“Mike.” She tried to stop him again, he was too lost in his head.

“Everyone knows you can do better, and sooner or later you’re gonna realize that too.”

“Mike!” She said with a loud voice making him finally look at her.

“Sorry.” He quickly whispered, wiping the few stray tears that fell.

She grabbed onto his hands, so he couldn’t wipe his tears any more,

“Who even put these things in your head?”

“People talk y’know?” He murmured, ashamed while sniffling lightly. He really hated crying in front of people, especially his girlfriend.

He couldn’t help by feel weakened by it.

“Well don’t listen to the ‘talk’, I want you. And only you.” She sighed out rubbing his knuckles.

“But why?” He asked again,

She grabbed onto his face, rubbing his cheeks as she looked at him sorrowfully.

"I...sometimes, I guess I kinda wish you could see yourself through my eyes Mike." Y/n whispered. pressing one kiss against his chin.

“You’re caring, you’re funny, you’re handsome. You make me feel like i’m floating on air.” She continued the praises, kissing his nose.

“And you ARE strong.” she then kissed his temple before moving to his ear to whisper,

“Strongest guy I know.”

“You could lose absolutely everything yet still keep going like nothing, I admire you for that.” She kissed his lips, the kiss they shared was drawn out- their lips missed each-other. Although it’s only been a week. When they pulled away their lips lingered.

“And you totally did kill like 2 demodogs so strong in that aspect too-“ she whispered her breath fanning his face as she joked- Mike was able to choke out a chuckle.

“Mike you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever met. Don’t let a couple of assholes ever make you feel otherwise.” She assured him then smiled.

“Okay? I love you. And ONLY you.”

“You’re stuck with me forever.”

“Mhm.” He hummed, the smile dawning on his face making the room seem to light up.

“M’ sorry. I wasn’t trying to bother-“ He tried to apologize for the past week but,

“You’re never bothering me.” She cut him off,

“Just tell me what you’re feeling next time. I don’t wanna think about losing you ever again.” She finished and wrapped her arms around his neck bringing him in for the first hug they’ve had in days.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, smelling her sweet perfume.

god did he miss it.

“I love you.” He murmured, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

“I love you more.”

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carpememes · 9 months

Text

10 Minute Power Hour Starters

"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"

"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"

"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."

"No, not the stegosaurus!"

"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."

"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"

"I don't love this."

"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."

"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"

"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."

"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"

"Bro, I'm killing it."

"Am I right, the youth?"

"You didn't even savor the peelies."

"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."

"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."

"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"

"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."

"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."

"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."

"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."

"My heart is beating so fast right now."

"Spin the wheel, you bitch."

"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."

"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."

"That's too much plastic crap."

"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."

"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."

"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."

"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."

"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."

"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."

"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."

"Please. No laughter."

"I feel you should've said something."

"I has bro! Do you has bro??"

"Well, I think you get double points for that."

"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"

"This shirt's better now."

"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"

"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."

"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"

"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."

"Hold on! I have to do some research."

"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."

"You did it! It's a nightmare."

"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"

"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"

"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."

"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."

"You're a sucky friend!"

"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"

"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"

"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"

"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."

"Anyone wanna be on camera?"

"Drink it, you armadillo."

"Have you witnessed me?"

"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"

"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."

"There we go. That's a big boy."

"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"

"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."

"It makes magic fun!"

"That's not what I wanted at all."

"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."

"YES! Eat the worms!"

"Early 2000s is retro?"

"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"

"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"

"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."

"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."

"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."

"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"

"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."

"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"

"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."

"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."

"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."

"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."

"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."

"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."

"The ooze doesn't smell great."

"Parents killed each other to get this thing."

"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."

"It's about to erase your memory."

"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."

"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"

#sentence starters #rp memes #game grumps #the grumps #10 minute power hour

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beesfairlyland · 4 months

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heyy bee!! i’m south asian too lmao. plus i was the one who asked the doubting ask!

is knowing you’re not the current illusion but awareness enough? like i don’t want to even lift a finger to do anything quite literally, i’m so you know done lmao. like i don’t want to try and work, do anything to honest. if i become aware of different illusion my current one asks “oh but nothing changed” so obviously it doesn’t see a change BC i chose one of many illusions in my stream of consciousness. but it’s all instant for awareness. so as soon i become aware of something? i (self) already has it. hope i’m correct

thank you!!

(can i be your 👿 anon)

Heyy cutiee!!💗

Ooohh glad you are south asian too!! Omgg i have soo much to speak about this lmao😭. Less goo!!

'is knowing you're not the current Illusion but awareness is enough?'

That is only what you have to KNOW....not just current Illusion but Everything in this world(unreal) exists because of YOU. There's no seperation between 'current Illusion' or the Illusion you become aware of when you close your eyes. It's all dream.

ONLY SELF IS REAL. Self is the observer.... experiencing this dream world.

'like I don't want to try and work, do anything to be honest'

Who said you have to do work or try anything huh? This is what your ego thinks that it needs to something to realise SELF.

Lemme tell you a secret.....YOU ARE NEVER NOT SELF!!

There's nowhere to reach...coz you are realised alreadyyyy. Only thing you have to do is drop all the labels you identify with. I promise it's this easy! All these thoughts are not yours. Whenever you have the urge to 'try' ask yourself who's the one thinking that it needs to do work? Does self need to do work...when it gives existence to Everything huh? NO....So just sit back and relax don't identify with this body or mind. Pay no attention. They shut up on their own.

'if i become aware of different Illusion my current one asks ...oh but nothing changed'

If you know that both are Illusions both are unreal...how can you rely on them huh? It's ego that feels like nothing changed. Uk why it didn't change coz you still identify with this body and mind. May be you just intellectually understand what's SELF but you don't KNOW yourSELF yet!! I'll tell you there's no shortcut to it. Ofcc the 'realisation' can be instant....but we've been identifying with this body and mind from yrs soo it's kinda 'hard' for us to let go if it completely.

You can never see yourSELF that's why you have to see/know what you are not! Peel off all the labels you've been identifying with. Drop every thought that you don't like.... it's your choice if you wanna be stuck in this loop of getting THERE. Guess there's nowhere to reach coz you ARE ALREADY THERE!!

Okayy lemme tell you about the ego that im experiencing rn.

Soo I've been dropping the identification from every thought. At first it was difficult to dis-identify with this ego. I was worried about her problems her misery. But slowly she realised that these are not of the SELF. she has been feeling neutral towards Everything. Few days ago this ego was feeling stuck she was like when the 'realisation' gonna come.... where's the 'progess'...when this dream gonna end...will i be stuck here forever bla bla but that too i knew this ego was feeling i let her but then i dis-identified with those thoughts....NOT MINE SORRY....I GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU SOO BETTER BE QUIET IDC.

I kept dropping Everything which i didn't want...but just today she realised that the past memories the horrible flashbacks she used to get... they've gone Completely. I don't even think about my past anymore. And today only i had two 'success stories' (eww I don't like this word but didn't have better to tell that I had that 'progress' even when the ego was thinking she's stuck)

Soo i just wanted to tell you that even when this ego feel stuck you are still making that 'progress' just don't care about what ego thinks. I promise there's nothing more to 'do'.

Hope i helped you!🫶🏻(ofcc you can be my 👿anon)

-love, bee🧚🏻‍♀️💗

#non dualism #non duality #nondualism #nonduality #ask #self realization #realisation #advaita vedanta #consciousness #👿anon

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jstertv · 10 months

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being normal and talking about welcome home even though I already have on Twitter but SPOILERS!! if you wanna find secrets on your own go for it it’s a lot of fun! I’m just babbling and I guess kinda theorizing and tumblr doesn’t have a word count limit I think

so so so

the clips hidden with the bugs is very interesting to me because it almost feels like an episode of the show is being shown to us in little fragments. I was chatting to a friend and they pointed out that the number 14 was reoccurring because there are 14 total bugs to find!

so with that in mind you put all the videos in order and it’s kind of narrative. for example Barnaby references how he had a shipment of kazoos coming in to home, which ties back to I think video five where Eddie is running from Barnaby trying to chase him because.. that’s what dogs do. And in another video, the very first in order I think? Howdy mentions to Poppy that he has a shipment to sign for, which we see Eddie delivering in another video, number 13 Im pretty sure

something I think everyone noted was the fact that Wally is indeed present in every one of these videos, all the characters refer to him at the very end. only thing is Wally seems to be disassociating throughout the entire video up until someone says something to him directly (but we don’t see/hear him say anything)

I find that really important to note when you call back to the solo audios we find of Wally through his drawings. clearly he’s the only one aware and it’s distressing to him. more than that: it makes him frustrated. we already know he’s not the best when it comes to expressing emotions, so seeing him so upset is very telling.. he’s losing his mind hence why he sounds so aggressive

I think when he disassociates it’s because he’s having a hard time grappling with the fact that he’s basically alone in this. only he can see us, or at the very least knows we’re there. and it upsets him that he can’t hear us or talk to us directly. he wants our help or at least to know he’s not completely alone… I dare to say he may even be scared

this info tells us that Wally isn’t meant to be some kind of villain or evil mastermind (at least that’s not his intention), if anything he may be a victim and needs our help in some way

anyways that’s all.. thanks for coming to my TedTalk I’m having so much fun looking through the website and it feels so nice to have a better idea of everyone’s personalities and so on, the VA’s, Clown, and his team did a fantastic job :]

#welcome home #wally darling #theorizing?#spoilers #I feel bad for Wally though #the poor thing seems so lonely..#all that desperation in his voice :(

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intheholler · 3 months

Note

Howdy! I absolutely love this blog and am so glad I found it <3 Do you have any advice for reclaiming (for lack of a better word) your accent? Mine is all weird from years of codeswitching/trying to hide it, and now that I'm older and have more pride in where I come from, I miss that I don't sound exactly like all the other people from my area. Thank you!!

hi there <33 im glad yall found it too lol. welcome!

also sure! i was (am?) in the exact same boat :') so i guess i could try to tell you what's worked for me.

my first advice would be to try and stop being so critical about what you're saying and how you sound when you say it. easier said than done, ik, because obviously when you code switch, you are very aware of and careful about how you talk, but that's the very first massive block i had to work on before anything else.

so, the first thing i did was work on detaching myself from that need and not policing myself as i spoke. i tried to just let the sounds come out, especially my vowels. i always kept those real tight bc i felt like they're the biggest "tell" i wanted to avoid.

i achieved this by talking to myself in private to shake off that internalized shit that made me wanna disguise it around others in the first place. no one can hear you but you, so just yourself have it, even if u feel silly at first like i did. i dealt with some imposter syndrome-esque stuff about it during this time.

its gonna sound goofy, but for a while, to get ur mouth back in the habit of making certain shapes during certain words, start talking to yourself in an exaggerated form of ur original accent. like fully put it on lmao. maybe even heavier than the one you used to have. this helped my brain get reaquainted with my mouth.

then i started just actively listening to myself think and talk. there is the comfortable and familiar way my brain wants the words to be formed in my natural dialect, and then there is my mouth that stops it out of codeswitching habit. it took active work and effort to make my accent go away, and it's taking active work and effort to make it come back.

anyway, a lot of my pronunciations i no longer have to "actively hear" myself give, so i know it's working <3

sometimes i'll even say something, pause and mentally be like "goddamn, what the fuck was that that just came out my mouth" and then im like "oh right, that's me 🥰 hello again, me"

im glad you're ready to start reclaiming this part of yourself and i wish you good luck. it's surprisingly hard! i started making a conscious effort three or four years ago and mine is still not as strong as i'd like.

#asks #appalachian dialect #Appalachia

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devine-fem · 26 days

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thinking about how i always try and be bigger and better than everyone else but in way where i try not to bother, vex or get in anyones way but no one gives back that same energy to me or just in general. what happened to being socially conscious? sometimes i think about doing something mean and harsh to someone else to make myself feel better because im human but still decide not to be that person, ill stop myself and think…

“has it gotten this bad?” and then be like “no, it should never get THIS bad” and stop entirely and make the decision to be mindful of my words to someone else… but why should i be the bigger person if that hand isnt dealt to me back…

i guess theres a way of feeling better when you think about the person thats choosing to be mean and hurtful either irl or on the internet (mostly the internet) because you know they arent self aware and arent able to make that same decision; they just go straight to being cruel because theyre bitter and angry and most of all BORED and losing their way and grace about themselves. theres peace in knowing that all of that comes back tenfold because if they can’t pick themselves back up then theyll be their own worst enemy and eventually self destruct but its just such an empty predicament because… who even wins at that point when you pull me down as you spiral yourself? its so… cruel

its always easier to pull someone down than it is to pick yourself back up and then it feels good, it feels sooo good… its sad. i consider myself a good person, im not apart of anything or a general group of persons who hurt others for my own benefit and ive really thought over and over that i have to let go and love and stop holding anger for people who hurt or betray me…

its so hard to think about being at peace with those who hurt you and betray you… its not easy just to smile back and prosper… but ill keep telling myself that over and over

no holding hate in your heart for even those who do nothing but hurt and betray me

#eve’s thoughts #venting. i guess

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tequiilasunriise · 1 year

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WEDNESDAY SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT BC I JUST FINISHED:

-literally threw UP at every Male Love Interest Interaction, Enid making out with Ajax? Literally was enough to make me settle Wenclair as sunk LIKE IT WAS T H A T BAD AND IVE BEEN A HYPED WENCLAIR WARRIOR SINCE AUGUST

-THAT BEING SAID OH MY GOD WE WERE RIGHT WITH ENID TRANSFORMING AND PROTECTING WEDNESDAY LIKE A TOTAL BADASS

-Backtracking a lot,,, that wink Enid gave Wednesday in episode two made my heart ascend. So many Wenclair crumbs in ep 2

-I’m really glad Tyler was the killer bc it gave him some depth, like I kept hating him fer NOT GETTING THE HINT AND LEAVING WEDNESDAY ALONE but looking back his insistence on being close to her was more akin to manipulating her so he wont be suspected so im glad he got interesting near the end

-IM SO CURIOUS ON BIANCA’S BACKGROUND ARGAHRHH SEASON TWO TELLL MMEEE MOREEE I LOVE HER SO MUCH

-My heart broke when Eugene got attacked, even before Wednesday declared it I could tell she looked out after him bc he reminded her of Pugsley

-But when he expressed interest in Enid? Fucken Wednesday did not HESITATE to tell him his shot was less than one percent LIKE DAMNNN GIRLIE jealous much?

-“he breaks your heart, I’ll nail his” Wednesday ur so in love u dumbass, literally the first day u met this girl u supposedly hated u end up telling her your most vulnerable secret (crying for Nero)?

-Wednesday fell first, Enid fell harder Truthers rise UPPPP

-Enid walking out of the woods covered in blood and wounds from a super traumatic experience, first thing she asks is, “Where’s Wednesday?” Maam, are you aware how much she means to you?

-Talking to the taxidermed squirrel about how much you’ll miss it rather than directly speaking to Wednesday? Gay gay homosexual gay behavior

-Xavier,,,, no. You’re better than this, like cmon dude. Stop trying so fucken hard and take the hint, LIKE U DONT EVEN HAVE A GOOD REASON LIKE TYLER TO KEEP STICKINNG AROUND

-WHAT CHEMISTRY? WHERE?

-I demand more Yoko screentime.

-Still giggling on Enid wrecking Tyler’s Hyde ass in order to protect Wednesday like she fucken JUMPKICKED HIM and proceeded to maul him fer hurting her best friend totally

-Wenclair’s break up was so necessary tho like ARGH YES ENID STAND UP FER URSELF AND TELL WEDNESDAY SHE KEEPS FUCKING OVER UR BOUNDARIES

-I will give Xavier credit fer calling out Wednesday as toxic BUT he literally couldve stopped getting involved like WHY were u at the Gates Mansion that night its so,,,, weird

-Speaking of the Gates Mansion, LOVED Wednesday’s little stare when Enid busted the door open when Tyler couldnt, fucken gay gay homosexual gay

-Wednesday in general was so cute with her gift of the snood Enid made her, instead of outright speaking her mind that she dislikes the gift, she tries to compromise with a, “lets save this for a special occasion, like a funeral”

-Small moments where Wednesday is clearly softer fer Enid SUPREMACYYYY

-Another good example was even back in episode two where they ran with the flag together and Wednesday let Enid touch her and wrap an arm around her shoulders and shit as Enid cheered it was SO cute

-Wednesday’s bigass smile when Fester appeared??? I love Fester in general but ARGH I love their bond

-Also love Wednesday’s evolution with her relationship with Thing and his death scene??? Like Enid slayed with telling Wednesday to treat him better i swear Wenclair are just SO GOOD FER EACH OTHER

-SO MUCH MORE CHEMISTRY THAN THEIR MALE LOVE INTERESTS

-Enid’s parents weren’t exactly what we were expecting but they still sucked (yes by just standing there and letting his daughter constantly be shit on by her mom Enid’s dad still sucked a little) and I was a ‘Enid is an only child’ truther but slay guess she has brothers

-There’s SO MUCH to talk about bc this show had its ups and downs,,, but we all know the crowning moment of the show. The Hug™️. Jenna Ortega is praised fer her ability to convey so much emotion with her eyes, and GODDAMNIT THAT ENTIRE HUG SCENE WAS SO SOFT AND TENDER AND PERFECT IN EVERY ASPECT THAT BODY LANGUAGE FUCKEN KILLED ME ESP WITH WEDNESDAY’S WIDE EYED EXPRESSION FROM SHOCK TO TOTAL REALIZATION THAT SHE COULDVE LOST ENID AND IS CLINGING ON FER DEAR LIFE MY GOD I COULDNT HAVE IMAGINED A BETTER HUG SCENE

-The way Wednesday walks kinda pressed up to Enid as she talks about visiting her in San Fran,,, yeah your honor theyre in love and Hunter was right, we beed to fight fer Wenclair I DONT CARE ABOUT AJAX X ENID BEING CANON I DONT CARE ABOUT XAVIERS ASS WENCLAIR ALL THE WAYYY BABBYYY

#i will have a more coherent spoilers post later #but rn im just looping THAT scene over and over again #the music. god.#wenclair nation took some Ls but by GOD did we take some fat Ws too #still believe in #greek enid supremacy #the plot twist was a little easy to predict but I still adored it #wenclair #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #bianca barclay #tyler galpin #xavier thorpe #not gonna tag all of them so yeah #wenclair warriors rise up

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heartfelia · 7 months

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CW:

summit spoilers, mentions of death + killing

now does what im about to say make absolutely any sense at all?? NO! BUT!! i dont care im convinced my sweet innocent baby boy hush killed King Bennet bc WHO THE HELL??? either the sinner alexis knows who did it and isnt telling, sweetheart saw the whole thing and we just have to wait and see what they know OR hush killed him and well.. i guess theres the possibility that yknow the guy he was pissing off

WAIT OMG ITS SO OBVIOUS THE GUY (why cant i remember his name) THE PRINCE OF THE HOUSE OF BENNET KILLED HIM BC HE WANTS TO TAKEOVER AND GIVE MONEY TO CLOSEKNIT WHY DID THAT SKIP MY MIND???? also if closeknit is the confirmed cause of the inversion what was the inversion for in the first place? was it a distraction? was it to just try and kill off as many people as possible?? was it to make the non empowered dahlia citizens aware of the empowered world?? were those people sacrifices for the sovereigns??? I NEED ANSWERS OMG!!?!!/?

ALSO OMG I FORGOT PORTER SEMI PREPLANNED THE FIGHT WITH VINCENT!! was he doing it to save sweethearts ass and get them out of there without notice i mean.. they are a stealth that shouldnt be that hard but still.. i mean he couldve done it to help alexis and the actual killer but i mean who knows what porters doing and for what reason.. like why did he lie about treasure coming to the summit?? did he want another right hook to the face??

in spite of all that chaos i do wanna say i found it really heart warming that david trusted asher to make that decision in his absence, i feel like hes been waiting for the day that asher really takes charge of his title as beta and what better time to do it than now <3

(feel free to throw ur theories at me im intrigued to see what the rest of the community thinks 💗)

#redacted porter #redacted lovely #redacted summit #redacted alexis #redactedverse #redacted vincent #redacted audio #redacted sweetheart #redacted asher #redacted david

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niceinchnails · 6 months

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My Opinions on EACH of these. Also dont take my opinion as good because i drop more cartoons than i actually finish.

Unappealing artstyle: Used to be a huge turn off for me but now i dont GAF anymore I just need a couple eps to get used to it (And those eps have to be good enough for me to want to watch it despite the artstyle)

Obsession with edgy/offensive humor: Ok this oneee. Depends. Im fine with edgy sex penis blood guts humour they make me laugh. & with political offensive humour i GUESS I can stomach. I dont enjoy it but literally every adult cartoon has some instance of it so i guess i just had to get used to it BUT if the humours based 30% or more On offensive humour then its just straight up bad Im dropping it.

overly cheese: i dont know what this means . i dont know any examples of this

too much gross out toilet humour: Im fine with it ok

Self aware/meta: This ones one of my pet peeeeeeves. If a cartoon straight off the bat barrages me with meta/self aware jokes I will not be into it. It feels like the cartoon itselfs overly familiar with me and joking with me like we're friends but we're not. Its like a cartoons telling me Haha isnt it so funny how i do X plot point All the time! Silly classic me. Like ive only known you for 3 episodes I dont know you that well, I dont know your CHARACTERS that well to find your self awareness of them funny. I guess its forgivable when its found later in the show when i already know the characters and story and plot enough to laugh at its acknowledgement of its own quirks but otherwise meta humour early on in a show just feels a little insincere almost self-deprecating. And it feels like its trying too hard to be cool since ive noticed meta humours the trend for a lot of modern cartoons.

Bad/annoying voice acting: literally just depends how bad the show itself is

too much filler/boring episode formula: Girl i love filler. I typically dont get into shows that are like nonstop action action action plot plot plot atleast get me aquainted w the characters first. I like the shows that ease you in with comedy filler and then punches you in the back of the skull with drama later on When you know the characters and you remember lauhging at their antics and such. And youre like oh noo.. Poor BooBoo Boy. But I like a little filler beforehand I want to know what BooBoo Boy was like before all the death and destruction happen i want to see BooBoo Boy laugh and giggle before he cries. And boring episode formula is fine as long as its not repetitive

I just realized how many opinions i have that boil down to "At Least let me get to know you as a cartoon better first" buttttt. anyway

My bad cartoon opinions

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dreamingdarklyblog · 8 months

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Soooo...

Okay soooo um... This is going to be difficult and awkward. But I'm going to do it.

So... Yesterday, when we were playing, my writing partner asked me to write a post for him. Actually he "suggested" I write a post for him.

I was... really out of it at the time. He'd made my breasts really large, and... It seems when he does that I get really foggy and suggestible >_<. Which just... So fucking hot >_<. But I digress.

He told me I would go and write a post for him, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed at all while I was writing it. But would normally after I was done. You get the idea.

Thing is. Shit happened, and I didn't get the chance to write it yesterday before the uh... suggestion wore off. So now I'm feeling pretty damn embarrassed writing this >_<. And let me tell you it's SUPER weird like, remembering suggestions. And remembering how it felt when they were working? And being aware that they aren't now, but, still knowing about it? It's really hard to explain. The pretzel that it kinda ties my head into >_<

And then today MORE shit happened. And apparently he hurt his back yesterday, and passed out feeling bad, today I mean. So I really want him to wake up with a nice post to read, that I know he wanted to read about...

So I'm just going to struggle through it trying not to die of terminal embarrassment.

So what he wanted me to post about was how addicted to rubbing my clit I am >_<. And about how much I love it... and how amazing it is, and some stories about uh... rubbing. Which is so weird >_<. and hot...

I mean... I know I'm addicted. But. I don't care? And. I mean. Being able to remember a lot of this, the suggestions and... The conditioning. I KNOW he's making it worse/better/stronger. But. I was already addicted, right? So. Was I? Or do I just remember being? Which is so confusing. But also so hot >_<

Speaking of rubbing... I need a break >_<

So yeah. Okay. That didn't help the embarrassment. Helped make it a bit easier to focus though. It's just so hard to go very long without rubbing. You have no idea. I probably edged three times in the car yesterday. In traffic. Stuck at lights. I know I probably shouldn't. I'm being safe though I promise. I'm just so horny all the time. It feels so good to be horny all the time. I just. I love how it feels >_<. I guess it's not ALL the time... But I wish it was. That's one reason I keep rubbing so much, like, whenever I don't feel so horny I start rubbing more just trying to stay horny all the time...

break time

Fuck. Really not helping the embarrassment at ALL. UUuuughh. He/you guys better appreciate this. You can tell me if it turns you on. Honestly. I just... I love making people horny >_<. I don't know why. It just makes me feel so... Um... I guess useful? Validated? that's so weird >_<. Ugh. But yeah. If reading this is turning you on please tell me? I'll probably rub myself silly reading it >_<. Fuck im horny >_<. And seriously, can you die from blushing? Lol...

So uh... Stories. Stories about rubbing myself >_<. That's what he said I think... I um. Well. Like i said. In the car... and um. Well. This morning, when I was talking to him, and in the shower. I got really distracted in the shower >_<. And kinda... at breakfast >_<. I was eating and realized I was rubbing too...

yesterday i caught myself pressing against the waahsing machine. had been there probably ten minutes before i realized. And when i was tryingt o do some excercises. Physiohas me doing like, pelvic thrusts? how can you NOT have sexy thoughts doing pelvic thrusts?

break time fuck

yesterday i waskinda rubbing watching tv, andat one point had to run off to the bathroom to rub when i was stuck around people >_< it had been hours and i just. It was too long. i cant go thrat long withotu rubbing my clit. or i dont want to. i dont know. cant/dontwannt to. KIndof a blurry line atm.

fuck im so horny breaks arent working im just typing and rubbing with my other hand or using both and grindignon a pillow ijust fuck i cantt im toohorny

igotta go and

rub

mroe

iohope this postwasgood for you and him and everyone and please tellme if it made you hornyor you came oh fuck i hope you came please tell me fuck i need to cum so bad

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anti-endo-haven · 7 days

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TW: Cult and sex trafficking mentioned (again, not in detail) Thank you for the affirmations and kind words, I know a lot of what im fearful of is clearly just fear of becoming our bodies parents and I know ive got to do my best to work threw that fear to help heal. I know I shouldnt get into fights with my alters and I should just let them exist how they are. Our actions are ours, not our parents, and yet the fear of doing what they did still sits. They went awear of their behaviors afterall so what if we arnt. Im scared that being bad is just in our DNA, that we were born to be a bad person but I know thats not true. I just have a bit of a control issue hah! I cant help myself sometimes. Im very very good at controlling myself when it comes to saying things to people in the outerworld but the innerworld? Im kinda an asshole. I always think its kinda ironic that everyone always complements me about how kind and considerate for others I am but how I tend to treat my headmates isnt the nicest im sad to admit. We discovered our system very early on in life and so since then its been a constant back and forth of my system trying to talk with me, work with me and help us and me flip flopping between accusing them all of being not real and that im just "crazy", and me calming down for a few months to try and work with them. And I guess I just always justified it as "well im being mean to my inner self so its fine" but in the last few years ive really been trying to buckle down and listen to them and try and be more helpful and also accept them as individuals with feelings more. Ive merged and split and become new people quite a few times. Weve had 4 host changes in the last 2 years and have done a lot of trauma discovery (on my part mostly at least. It always feels like my system knows my life better then me but thats kinda the point of the disorder I suppose hah.) I started identifying with the label of "persecutor" recently even cause I do think im very mean and not very helpful to the system overall but I really am trying. Its just hard as im sure you can imagine. A lot of my issues could just be solved if I just learn to calm down and stop thinking brain police exist hah. Ive been trying my best with things like our physical disabilities and (trying) to accept the traumas that have happened to us that I cant remember/cant remember well. Its just really race that I cant seem to even a little bit get over. Im hoping with time and patients I can accept thoes alters but im worried I ruined any chance of that with my attitude. I also hope maybe I can see myself as not white one day, ive been trying in small ways like accepting that we have curly hair and doing my best to take care of it and let it be curly. ((- Part 1 of Atlas ask)

No one is truly ever just evil or just good. There’s a balance, and finding that balance is good. It can be extremely hard and can take a long time. Being “bad” is not in your DNA, it’s an idea, not something that is predetermined by birth. And it still stands, even though that they might not be aware of their actions, you are. That’s a better start, knowing the differences and how it can be harmful to others.

Even if you slip up, learn. Mistakes happen, correct them. Learn from them. Never stop learning. Wisdom never stops, but the knowledge you gain from it can if you refuse to learn and stay within stubborn ways.

Internalized racism is also something that can be an immense challenge for you. Constantly dealing with it so you continue to keep yourself and your alters within that, just repeating it.

It’s good to learn from what you’ve done and do what you can to work with them. It’s not just you you’re being rude to, but those that have helped you survive. Sometimes, that can’t be helped. Not at first and it can be extremely hard to work on and past, though no one can tell you that you’re a bad person for it. Keeping yourself within a repeat of something unhealthy can be hard to get out of, let alone realize what you’re doing. It’s good that you understand what you’re doing is harmful.

You’re trying to do what you can for the system in a way you know how, that doesn’t make you inherently bad. That doesn’t even make you misguided. You can even be an asshole just to be an asshole. It’s okay.

It might not always be fixed by simply calming down, internalized anything can be extremely hard to overcome. Even us, we have some alters who are still learning to overcome internalized misogyny due to what we’ve faced and had to deal with. We didn’t know that’s what it was until recently, but we’re also letting them learn on their own as I (though I don’t deal with this) might be able to learn and change faster than someone else, so we let them learn at their own pace.

I don’t think you’ve ruined any chances at all. You’ve been closed-minded for a long time and you’re trying to be more open-minded, this can lead to you and others trying to help you out regarding it. Even if it takes time.

#anti endo #endos dni #did system #system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic system #did plural #endos not for you #actually traumagenic #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality #tw trafficking mention #tw cult mention

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shuihuzhuan · 14 days

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to be entirely transparent this is a vent post. nobody's obligated to read it and the only reason it's public is because venting to specific people makes me feel Worse, and i just want to try to put things into Words for myself, you know?

i've definitely been doing some self-isolating Lite (tm) for a while now but haven't quite figured out why or how exactly to remedy it, especially because for the past half year or so i've just felt way too, like, tired, i think is the best word, to put the energy into not only figuring out how to fix it but putting any of that into practice and clearly it's not been doing me any favors, especially when it comes to the fact that i definitely want to make more / better friends with people but am ultimately struck by fear that it's kind of inevitably going to fall apart both because i'm pretty uninteresting (if enjoyable, as i am often reassured, and for that i'm appreciative) and because i find it difficult to muster the energy to try to keep up with people and often feel like i'm left in the dust but have no way to change that without sacrificing the little health and energy i happen to have that i'd obviously prefer to spend on something for Me Specifically. and i guess that's probably eye-rollingly selfish, but at the same time i don't exactly have someone to hold my hand and drag me into doing something different, i have to make myself do it. and making yourself do shit is just like. hard.

i've ultimately found that there's just some kind of fundamental disconnect with the way i interact (or rather, don't, even if i really want to) with people and what i only later really perceive as what they Want from me later on. i unfortunately take things very negatively in a way that i usually describe as just "getting scared" but it feels obvious it's a little more than that, i'm just not sure i have the ability to put it into words, but whatever it is it's in a way that makes it so i just Don't have the ability to make myself bite the bullet and take initiative and i kind of just let whatever happen happen and don't realize i'm making that decision consciously unless one of the people i'm doing it to happens to reach out to me (which they have no reason to feel inclined to do).

this has been both for relatively understandable reasons and reasons that just feel kind of ridiculous when i think about them - of course it makes sense to not want to be further misinterpreted (to put it kindly) without Knowing im being misinterpreted and therefore having no way to fix it, but at the same time just Not talking to new people or not putting myself in situations that scare me isnt the way to go about it, making friends with people who will be able to bring me up to Their level Is, but also if i can't talk to anyone new, i won't be able to find anyone that can help me make that happen. it's a vicious cycle, or whatever.

it's incredibly difficult to continuously present that i want to be spoken to if i've done something upsetting but only really prompt conversation with me in that case. that's the kind of thing that scares people out of talking to me, but i'm not quite sure what to do with it especially circling back to the whole thing about not having much energy at all, you know?

in essence, i'm aware that i'm not really... special? i don't really have anything new to offer at any point and find it difficult to follow things for very long. i'm very head-scrambly in a way that makes it hard for me to follow things even when they're what i have a personal vested interest in (like, even as i write this im jumping back and forth to start and finish paragraphs in a way that probably just makes the whole thing insanely hard to follow if anyone's made it this far). there are a million other people out there with a semi-niche interest that they'll repeat things about over and over again unprompted because they can't remember if they have or can't remember if the people they're talking to don't have any interest in it.

and i guess i've internalized that too much rather than realizing people want to talk to me for me even if i'm Boring not because of what i bring to the table but because of who i am, but if i can't bring myself to talk to them out of fear of being annoying they won't be able to Get anything out of me and then there draws miscommunication From the lack of communication in general, leading people i care about to think i don't want to talk to them for whatever reason when that's not the case (what happens is i start thinking "they don't want to talk to me, i'm pretty sure i'm just annoying them" turns into other people thinking that i think they are annoying because i don't want to talk and then nothing is done about it), but at the same time i'm just unfortunately forcing them to put in effort for something that's not necessarily going to pay off.

something recently got me thinking about the way i Communicate and if i'm like... good at it? and what i'm thinking is that maybe at some point i might have been but i just find it so draining to try to tap into the skills i know i should have to an end i know i should be trying to reach.

i like talking to people. i'm a big fan of it. but i think i'm just used to do so in a way thats just so insubstantial and brush-off-y (even if i'm not trying to be) that when i need to even do something so small as ask someone if they Want to chat i get too scared to and end up thinking that we're both better off if i don't embarrass myself by doing so, and then i dig myself into a hole of making people think i don't want to talk to them when that's not the case.

the paranoia inherent to the Mental Illness Concoction certainly doesn't help, and even though 9 times out of 10 it's not proven and is, obviously, ridiculous and unjustified, the one time in a million that it ends up being correct fools my mind into thinking i need to do more of it rather than think rationally.

i'm also, like, very well aware this comes off as distinctly pity party-ish but to that i'm just like. shrug? not really much to be done about it, especially when doing so takes both energy and courage i don't have. guy who can put in the effort to yap to the void but not to talk to people for real

#if anyone actually got through this whole thing and wants to send an ask about it i invite it but otherwise 👍 have a great day #^ i dont mind whether its positive or negative btw like feel free to hurt my feelings if you feel so inclined #as long winded as this is i don't think its brought me any closer to fixing the issue which is a shame but idk #if anyone who happens to read it has found themselves Confused by my Behavior maybe itll help. or maybe not

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