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#i really should be doing it for everything i draw but i didnt know they increased the alt text length
cottoncandylesbo · 4 months
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Does she fuck with and possess people as like a hobby or is it a job she does that she’s fond of
she does it more as a primal instinct, like a cat pouncing on a piece of paper knocked to the floor. as a demon she has an obligation to punish, but mostly just sees that (self-righteously) like winning some competition. she has a complex about being the rightest one in the room.
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pictured: a lion lying in the tall grass noticing a limping antelope.
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be-good-to-bugs · 10 days
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you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep
#the bin#uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep#deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower#maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the#next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh#i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come#over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet#i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks#hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice#tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb#i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember!#and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met#another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive#ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably#be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be.#i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i#cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum.#well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that.#i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain.#and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped#i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#dear diary. im sad again wah#agh not sad exactly. just brain fog. i can't focus and im so tired but i haven't even done anything#like ive done not that much this weekend. which sucks bc ive got so much to do.#i didnt even draw too much today bc i was so out of focus. i dont even kno what i did today#i think ive just kinda been laying here since like 4 or 5 and its almost 9 now#so idk. i wish i could control my attention and make it do things#ugh ill try to work on campus tomorrow. at least until 1 when i have to meet a guy abt a phd position#but i feel like im gonna die on campus bc there r ppl there :-( but i cant focus here either#everything's just foggy. i dont kno it might help if i met with my boss so we could talk abt things that need to get done#but idk i dont really have to. im afraid shes gonna tell me she never got the data i sent her at 3am bc she never sent it back#and then im gonna cry. but whatever#next week were going out to the field again. for a week. gathering more samples thst will kill me later#so i might freak out again. but its not as far a drive this time. and the other person were going with knows me fairly well#im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. ugh.#maybe i should banish myself from tumblr until i actually get things done. thst will increase my suffering but might shorten the duration#blah. i wish i could read. or focus. that would make reading papers less terrible#idk what im even gonna do tomorrow. program a thing. write some stuff. continue to be sad and out of focus#too much thinking abt the future and stressing out abt picking a program to join when i haven't even been accepted yet#i mean. to b fair i got accepted to all the schools i applied to for my masters and i didnt kno shit back then#so i feel like if u have a masters the grad school is like: ok u kno how to do grad school ur in#bc grad school is fucking weird#but im like do i wanna do 3.5yrs in the uk on a riskier program or up to 5yrs in the us where the vibe feels more stable#but idk i havent even started writing for the scholarships and i feel like im too late to apply for one of them anyway bc its like jumping#thru 90 thousand hoops. so idk. idk. i have to create a project proposal 1st and idk what to do.#i mean i sorta kno but like i dont wanna sound dumb so agh. im tired#i want the perfect idea to come sweep me off my feet but i instantly start talking myself out of everything#ugh. actually i kno what happened. i got all excited on Thursday. like properly excited. which i dont like to do bc my mood bottoms out#afterwards. like this. that's why i dont get excited abt things. i keep myself at a stable neutral. a light misery if u will#hhhhhh so im rambling and procrastinating and sad. but tomorrow will b better bc Tomorrow i. will. focus.#unrelated
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chiisana-lion · 1 year
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hm
#dunno what caused this but ive just been getting really scared and stupidly worried lately#sometimes i think about how i could lose someone at any moment and i might not even know#just stuck there waiting for some kind of answer for someone who wont and cant come back#and it really. terrifies me#my friends are everyhing to me and i just want them all to be okay always#and especially my best friend. if anything were to happen to him i really dont know what i'd do#i tell him and everyone else how much i love them all the time every time i can because what if they were to disappear and leave one day#and we didnt really leave off on a good note#not like i think that might happen anytime soon but just. what if#i love my friends. so much. i cant even put into words how much they mean to me and how theyve helped me get through this hell ive been#going through these past couple of years or so#maybe im annoying and talkative and sensitive and stuff. but the fact thwy still somehow like me the same is really#dunno man in elementary & middle school i lived shamelessly and yet im sure that for every friend i had there was like 5 kids who hated me#and towards high school i essentially was constantly on edge making sure i dont cause trouble for anyone because hey why should i bother#when none of them would really see me for me. just that quiet kid who draws in the corner and doesnt particularly fit in#the novelty of having a new kid transfer in lasted for like a month tops that time when everyone realized i was actually boring as hell#not into celebrities dont listen to mainstream music not interested in guy talk etc etc#i did meet a couple kids with similar interests at some point but im sure they were more casual fans and not absolutely obsessed as i am#and i feel like my sudden energy when talking about it and running my mouth w that topic kinda put them off#so i just. keep everything to myself#so really finding people who actually do like me and enjoy my rambles and i can hwar then ramble in return#and play games or talk abt our silly blorbos with is just. damn this is way more than i deserve isnt it#and i really feel like that could all just. fall apart at some point#and thats the last thing i want#but honestly#i dont mind if they grew to hate me. ill still love them nonetheless. just please dont leave me behind i cant go through that again#might delete this later im just kind of. yeah#sorry to anyone who reads this im kind of going through it
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emptymasks · 7 months
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everything i find out makes me want to scream more
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so not only was the plan all along to kill izzy in which case giving him this meaningful arc makes it worse, makes it seem like progress and healing means nothing cos you'll just get killed off anyway. to give him more trauma, try and over his abuse, give him a disability, have him finally finding joy just to kill him off for the sake of ed. AND HE DIDNT TELL CON UNTIL THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF SHOOTING???!? CON WAS ALREADY FILMING SEASON TWO AND DIDN'T KNOW IZZY WAS GOING TO DIE?!?!
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i'm at such a loss. of course he was taking it seriously. he cared. and he knew what izzy meant to people. beyond just him being a funny fan favourite, he was a representation of a lot of fans trauma, coming out, finding themselves, overcoming things in order to find a family and love and queer joy, disability representation and oooooo.
WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL HIM DAVID? istg if it was that thought con might not like izzy's ending and not do season 2 and so dj didn't tell him to get to to sign the contract to season 2 and then told him about izzy's death after so now con couldn't back out of the contract istg. edit: drawing a line through that because i was being emotional and didn't mean to sound like i was seriously accusing david if trying to trick con. i just think he should have told him as soon as he decided he was killing off izzy at the beginning of filming and not later halfway through filming.
it just feels weird to have the show continue without izzy. and saying it needed to happen for blackbeard to die then shouldn't ed have died two? or they both could have lived and grown.
you really thought this was the best journey you could have given him?
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roronoaism · 4 months
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♥︎ IN THE DARK ♥︎
+ warnings: established relationships (not mentioned, js for ref), semi-public sex, oral sex (f receiving) (sanji), kitchen sex (sanji), sanji calls you pet names (love, princess, doll, baby, mon amour), fingering (both), sex on the deck (zoro), zoro calls you baby, ooc zoro (hes so sweet in this but we NEED sweet tender zoro)
+ ft: sanji and zoro (separate)
nsfw under cut, minors dni!!!
+ note: i love sanji and zoro so much mmmm <3 so late night sex w them hehe
also for sanji's part, you're referred to as '-swan', just because thats how it sounds when he pronounces san (Im assuming?? unless hes genuinly saying swan idk) so yea
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♥︎ vinsmoke sanji
it was late at night, and you couldn't sleep due to you're throbbing headache. you didnt want to wake up the crew, so you carefully snuck out into the kitchen. you got a pot ready to make yourself some tea, hoping it would at least help to ease the ache.
little did you know, you woke up sanji.
"y/n-swan, what has you up at this hour?? you should be sleeping, love." the blonde looked at you, concerned. he comes over, applying a hand to your forehead, as if checking for a fever. "is everything alright?"
"yea, just couldn't sleep. my head's just bothering me a bit, nothing huge." you respond, looking at the tea pot, deciding if you wanted to have tea or something else to soothe your headache. "sorry 'bout waking ya up."
"no, no, never be sorry, i was already up." he reassures you, holding your hand.
you nod, dumping out the water. tea didn't sound good right now, you needed something faster.
"looking for something to ease it?" sanji ask, a small smirk creeping across his face.
"yea, do we have anything?" you ask, rummaging the cabinets.
"no, not really, but i do know some things that could help, doll~" he replies, the words falling from his mouth like sugar. you had an idea of what he was entailing, yet you wanted to hear him say it directly.
"yea? 'nd what would that be?"
"well- uh- i could, and its completely hypothetical, like only if you're okay with it, but uhhh-" he stutters, clearly flustered. you cross your arms, waiting for him to spit it out.
"i could eat ya out? ill treat you so good, y/n-swan, just your pleasure. trust me?" he practically pleaded, and how could you say no to such a sweetie?
and thats how you ended up propped on the counter, legs spread as sanji laps at your pussy. he enjoyed, loved it so much, it felt like a drug to him. his lips suck at your sensitive bud, two of his slender fingers curling up into your soaked hole.
you never had a man as talented or pleased as him. he moaned every time you tightened your grip on his hair, his voice vibrating against your cunt.
"baby, please, cum for me." he mumbles against your lips, before fucking you with his tongue, nose rubbing against your clit.
"sanji, fuck, im close" you mutter, your legs trying to close, but being restricted by his arms holding you down.
sanji takes it as an invitation to get closer, his whole face practically in between your legs as he draws an orgasm from you. he drinks up every drop, before wiping his mouth on his sleeve and glancing up at you.
"you taste divine, mon amour~" sanji states, before pressing a kiss to your inner thigh.
"now please, go rest up, y/n-swan. you need some rest." he replies, helping you up. "i love you" he whispers, kissing your head, before walking you to your room after dressing you.
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♥︎ roronoa zoro
fuck. you rise out of your bed after what felt like endless hours of tossing and turning. you couldn't sleep. not with the dull headache keeping you wide awake.
it was zoro's turn to keep watch, so you figured you would go visit him. and pray he wasn't drunk.
you walked out to the deck, and noticed zoro leaned against the railing. approaching him, you tap his shoulder, causing him to suddenly turn around. "oh, its just you. hey."
"hi."
"what's up?" he ask, before taking in your figure. the shorts and bra combo seemed to shock him, as he turned back towards the sea.
"i just have a headache, and couldn't sleep." you reply, hugging his waist. "can i just sit here with you?"
zoro nods, before turning to face you again. "anythin' i can do to help?"
"mmm, not really. unless you have something stress relieving."
"well, its quite vacant here. and it's been a while since it's just been you and me."
"are you suggesting sex?"
zoro nods, before planting a kiss to your lips gently. "whatcha say?"
your nod was all the confirmation he needed. he gently laid you down on the deck, before removing your shorts and undergarments.
"already wet, baby? i didnt know you were thinking of this" he teases softly.
"it was an idea" you mumble, before his fingers find their way to your clit and trace it once. you moan softly, groaning as he slowly inserts a digit and curls it in you.
he slides another finger in, curling it in unison with the other.
"fuckkk, zoro" you groan, as he presses a kiss to your head. his other hand finds its way to your clit, rubbing in time with his curls and thrust.
he feels you tighten around him, before inserting a third finger. you moan a soft string of incomprehensible nonsese, before cumming onto his thick fingers.
"you did so good, baby." he mumbles, pressing a kiss to your cheek. "feelin better?"
you nod, cuddling up to him. "can i stay here for the night?"
"sure" he replies, holding you against his chest as you let sleep claim you.
©2024 roronoaism - please do not repost or translate my works on other media sites ♡
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polariae · 2 months
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Hi my loves!
So I would like to inform u of some problems about the fanfic Savior i am Co working on and the truth on how my Fanfic Ideas of my OC Izumi x Geto got taken advantage of. And how the tragectory of everything went on. From the start to the reason why I wanted her to stop/delete my FF.
As u know I have had my OC Izumi for some years now as a staple in my artworks and I got so much love and curiosity from yall to know more about her. I ofc had a whole backstory in my mind already fleshed out from the start for Izumi, since i just love to make up stories and backgrounds for OC characters. Its just something that comes naturally and all my maladapive daydream girlies will know exactly what im talkin about 😂 and after so many DMs about wanting to know more about her i was like, a fanfic would be amazing to do!
The problem was, English is not my first or second language and I just didnt had the means to bring my thoughts rightly to paper. I also am really invested in drawing here and that takes up all my freetime already. So i had no time or skills to make this FF work.
Thats how I came across a tumblr user who had open a requests on her page so I dmed her. I liked her other work she made with Geto (even tho it was kinda brutal) i liked her writing style a lot. So I asked her if she would like to write this story with me. We agreed that I would give her my ideas and she would write it. I saw her as a friend and trusted her.
But soon she wanted to add and change things up, she said that thats how it is with co writing and thats just how its gonna be. I was okay with that at first, since the changes were sometimes beneficial and it was fun to brainstorm with her. It was clear that this was my vision and any changes had to get through me. We both agreed on that but I was naïve and let myself get talked into things. I just wanted her to keep writing and was dependent for her collaboration.
For anyone who read the FF: The character Kai was never planned by me, it was a character she wanted to have in it, hes someone who abused Izumi in her captivity. He was like the prisonguard of her. I was like okay fine u can add him but i said from the beginning that I do not want him to touch Izumi in a sexual way.
I shouldve known immediately that things will go south as the writer said she wanted to add sexual abuse in it.
I was very reluctant but I sensed how she spoke that she wouldnt wanna write further so I agreed in just very mild things, which already were awful enough but i tried to make the best out of her wishes. Since she was insisting. And i hoped that if id agree to this mild things that that would be it and hopefully not picked up further in the story and at last forgotten by the readers.
My only thing i always said was: I dont want to have any of this abuse to interfere with Izumis and Getos relationship. That was a big thing since I wanted them to have a romantic and loving relationship further on. The NSFW scenes were planned to be sweet, and sensual especially cuz Geto wouldve been all Izumi knew sexually and her first (and Geto is just peak hotness and perfect for that) Izumi should enjoy her firsts with Geto fully.
Going on she started to change more things.. and it got further and further away from how Izumi and all was. She started to change Izumi and her personality. Shes so far off of what I pictured her to be and what was discussed. But that wasnt the worst thing.
Then the writer just started to take things to new levels, Izumi having to be forced to suck Kai off for food, Kai fingering her to her orgasm against her will etc.
Pls know that she just posted the chapters without informing me, so i always tried to talk her into removing these scenes but to no avail.
Boiling point was now the latest chapters cuz she made Izumi have panic attack and flashbacks. Worst, she made her having one as Geto and Izumi tried to take things further in the bedroom. She made Izumi think of Kai and her sexual abuse. Tormenting Izumi with memories of Kai sexually abusing her when Geto was touching her. Its awful.
And that was what made me just so so sad. Cuz Kai wasnt even supposed to be in the story at all. And now exactly what I didnt wanted happened. At this point i wasnt even invested anymore in the story cuz it just wasnt enjoyable to read about all this mess. Izumi was snappy, her personality is weird and unpleasant and it was just such a weird vibe between Geto and Izumi. The writer always talked her way out by saying thats just how trauma works ect. Without acknowledging my wishes and my OC Izumi. Izumi and Geto just were soo weird together and after this all their whole dynamic was not there anymore. It wasnt loving, it wasnt sweet.
And i would like to add that im a sucker for Angst. Like im not someone who reads fluff. But this was even for me not even Angst anymore, it was just uncomfortable.
Like it was the drop that made it overfloat. What made me not wanting to be associated with it anymore. She wrote on many Autors Notes especially the recent ones, that she does not have the drive to write more on the FF. That she healfheartly literally ended the FF today in 3 chapters. This fanfic just has nothing to do with what I imagined anymore and im sad that i gave away all my ideas away to her tbh. If i had known I wouldve never asked her to write my ideas out. It also became her most read Fanfic. We discussed sooo many cool ideas and scenes for this fanfic till the end chapters like i just dont understand why she just insists in having this sexual abuse in it and tormenting Izumi. And also drag it over so many chapters. So many of you DMed me and said hoe uncomfortable it made u feel reading the latest chapters and how the storyline just didnt seem the same anymore. Which was as u see now absolutely true.
I asked her many times on why she insists on having sexual abuse in it so much? But shes never gave me an answer, no she tries to turn in on me saying "u agreed to it". Which as I discussed with u above was not what happened AT ALL. She says she cant remove it anymore, wether the scenes or Izumis mental torment and trauma. But she COULD.
ITS A FANFIC. U can always make it work.
Its also funny how she tries to say "im doing it for free" to hint that she can do whatever she wants. In that case i just have to say; i also gave all my ideas for free like? Its insane how this is even a conversation.
The gaslighting she is doing in the chat is hard to manage and Im srsly so sad and also annoyed that this had to happen.
I wont engage in this with her more cuz I have to keep my mental health in tact.
You saw how she is turning things around, how she manipulates and changes the context of conversations. I remember vividly how the first times she laughed at how emotionally invested i was in my story and belitteling me. I created Izumi nearly 4 years ago while I was batteling severe anxiety while i was homebound. How she always blackmailed me in saying "ur not paying me so I can do whatever I want" and when I then gave her some payed content for free she is now changing the narrative as if she never asked for money. I was the one who thought we would do this for fun and was always hurt when she talked about this tid for tad mentality.
I tried to build a friendship and let things that she said pass during our "friendship" out of good faith. I was hurt how she treated me and dismissed me and my character requirements and how now that I was the one saying I dont see her as a friend anymore she turns it around to make it seem im the "mean" one for now standing up for myself. I am still shook about this disingenious behavior. I never sent hate to her even tho she tries with all her power to say so. I even insisted to keep things kind and graceful. And after she shit on me and I saw that she wouldnt budge, I stood up for myself. Also; Calling me a bitch and telling me to fuck off is no "quirky" way to talk to people as seen below. Especially in this context.
Shes now deleting every comment that doesnt benefit her on the comment sections. Im not surprised. So be it.
Tbh I do not care anymore. I just made story posts but since she showed the DMs I wanted to post the truth for u to read here as well. Iwont let this negativity from her linger any longer and give her any platform.
As I said in the DM i rather had kept this private but I had to share the truth in this matter since she spread misinformation. You deserve to know how things really went behind the scenes. And im sick and tired that my kindness is always taken advantage of.
I had to speak up for myself, my Ideas and my OC. Thank u for all that messaged me and having my back! Everyone of u sent nothing but love and support my way my heart was bursting out of greatfulness.
I LOVE YOU.
If you've read so far im so so grateful for ur time. And in due time I will tell the real story of Izumi and Geto in a FF worthy of their love.
Latesr DMs she also posted but here with context.
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fuglyjeans · 5 months
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Ok the first time I watched bojack horseman season 6, it sent me in a pretty bad depression spiral. But I just watched it again for the first time in almost 4 years, and it actually fills me with peace. I think I thought the show was saying no one can change, really; bojack will always be just some shitty selfish horse. He can try to do better, but he can't change the lives he's ruined, or outrun the consequences, and he'll always slip up. That made me so sad.
But now i see it more like... yeah hollyhock cut off contact, bojack goes to prison, Diane implies they'll never speak again, Princess Carolyn implies she won't work with Bojack again in the future etc. But at the same time all of these characters still express love to bojack and thankfulness that he was in their life. Even Todd is really kind to bojack in the final episode, despite having every reason to ignore him forever. They draw boundaries as they should. But there's still compassion.
Even though bojack has arguably lost absolutely everything, he's still able to find a little joy in prison putting on a play. And those people will still probably say hi to him from time to time... and after he gets out of prison, who knows, maybe he'll make more progress and find new people, start better relationships. He was already on the up and up... he relapsed, but honestly that happens. Before his relapse he'd been sober for like a year which is pretty amazing.
bojack is messy and his progress is slow. He's deeply flawed and no one is obligated to stay in his life, no one has to respect him after all the shitty things he's done. But what brings him true peace is being honest with himself about that... no memoir or dream role or Oscar win or long-lost sister or university can replace the peace of just being real. Taking accountability. I think by the end bojack is at least starting to realize that and commit it to memory.
I also think it's tempting to feel like post-rehab bojack is all better, he's a new bojack, it's unfair that the reporters and interviewers come after him to ruin his life after he'd just fixed it. He's not the same as Vance Waggoner!! But that's the thing.. even though it's hard, even though it feels unfair, bojack still has the choice to do better. He didn't have to do the 2nd interview. He didn't have to teach at hollyhock's school without asking her if that would be weird. He didn't have to do Horny Unicorn, he didn't have to go back into that party after reading hollyhock's letter. He didn't have to go on one last bender, break into his old house, call Diane and nearly kill himself. It's understandable that he did. It's painful and horrible. But every single time, he could have chosen to walk away, ask for help--maybe not from Diane or PC or Todd, but surely Mr Peanutbutter or he could have just checked into the ER for monitoring. And that would feel sad and humiliating and lonely but he would survive and come out knowing he didnt ruin things this time, even if he felt alone. Its ok to be alone. But he didnt do that... so even though i understand why "new bojack" fucks up again.... it WAS all still his own choice.
I could talk abt this show forever lol God
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puhpandas · 7 months
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Decennial
(2,396 words)
Evan and Gregory, now age twenty-two, celebrate the tenth anniversary of their meeting in the comfort of their shared apartment.
Its already the afternoon when Evan meets Gregory at the couch in their shared apartment, smartphone in hand. Gregory glances up from whatever he was watching on TV, quickly grabbing the remote to pause the channel.
He doesn't even have a chance to greet him before he notices Evan's face. Worry quickly creases his brows, and he moves to get off of the couch. "Evan? Hey, what's wron--"
Evan tries to convey that everything's fine with no words. Because it's true. He just can't muster any up right now. When Gregory seems to understand enough, that's when Evan thrusts his phone into Gregory's line of sight.
Gregory shifts on the couch, taking the phone and studying the screen to no avail. Hes pulled up the calendar on his phone, the date reading March 4th, 2045. Gregorys brows furrow, then, "Uh. I dont understand."
Evan would have rolled his eyes if he weren't so emotional right now. He scoffs, tapping the screen and mumbling "The date. Look at the date."
It only takes another moment for Gregory to understand. Evan can almost see the gears turning in his friends head in the moments before he gasps sharply. "Oh!"
Gregory doesn't look away immediately, just taking it in as if it surpises him. "Its ten years since we met today."
Evan nods at that. A small smile stretching on his face when Gregory finally turns to look at him.
But he should know by now -really, it's been ten years after all- that Gregory knows him. Probably better than Evan himself.
"What's with that look?" Gregory questions, seemingly noticing how Evans smile doesnt quite reach his eyes. "You look sad."
Evan shakes his head immediately. "No-- that's not it." He replies, feeling a bit more fit to speak. "Its just..."
"Ten years?" Gregory prompts, and Evan nods. Gregory seems to get it. He sighs a bit, and Evan can tell hes not alone in reminiscing. "Jeez. Thats..."
"...A long time ago." "A big number." They say at the same time.
Evan joins Gregory on the couch, taking his phone back. Ten years. Ten years since he met Gregory. Ten years since Evan had been that little ball of anxiety. Ten years since the best thing that ever happened to him.
Nine years since their first holidays together. Eight years since they started high school. Four since they graduated. Three since they started college.
One year since they got their first apartment together.
Evan chuckles all of the sudden, loud as a jet engine in the seemingly silent room. "Do you remember what we always wanted to do as kids?"
Gregory only has to think for a moment. "You mean what we made a reality?"
"Yeah." Evan replies. "We got that apartment. Not exactly the college dorm we imagined, though."
"Psh. Are you kidding? Our apartment is way better than any dorm we could have gotten." Gregory scoffs. "We would have like. One room to our name, and we would have to share."
Its Evan's turn to scoff, this time. He smiles, the memories coming back easily. "You're acting like we didnt basically share your room when we were thirteen."
"You were always there." Gregory agrees, but Evan knows by now that Gregory doesn't mean it in a bad way. Never. That's one of the things that have changed since they met. Evan doesnt assume the worst first, and ask questions later anymore. "You got that right."
"Thank god we had Vanessa to tell us what to do." Evan says. "We would be lost without her."
Gregory snorts, shuffling on the couch. Evan glances over, and strangely, being here, in this moment, even though its nothing differnet from what he and Gregory do every day, reminds him so much of when he and Gregory would just hang out together on his bed. Drawing, watching videos, talking and laughing... all of it.
"Its a good thing she told us to get an apartment while we still could." Gregory says. "We would have burned down the entire dorm."
Evan giggles at the thought. It wouldn't be the first time he and Gregory would make a mess in the kitchen. He still remembers how scared he was as a fourteen year old, when he had burned some of the food meant for Vanessa's 'Welcome Home' dinner Gregory insisted they make. The Fazbears house had stunk of char and smoke for days afterwards.
He was terrified at the time. If he had ever done anything like that at his old house...
He shakes that thought away. He does that often. Thinking back to his time alone with his father and brother. His biological ones. It's been a challenge, shutting down his brain when it tries to recall the memories.
Its another thing that's changed. As a kid, he knew nothing about helping himself and his anxiety. He didnt want to. He never saw himself as worthy of deserving relief, and it was so subconscious, little Evan never even realized it.
Now, it couldn't be more different. Hes never been healthier.
Who knew all it took was a best friend for life?
He looks over at Gregory. Who's still recounting some of their old childhood memories. Evan doesnt talk to Michael anymore. The damage he caused is too much to ignore. Evan... Evan doesnt want to see him anymore. Despite Michaels wake up call, it had been all too late. The damage had been done.
Michael missed his chance. Evan had decided that a long time ago. Maybe he should have had his change if heart earlier if he didnt want Evan to find the brother he always wanted in someone else.
Because that's what Gregory is. Its nothing new, they were having these revelations when they were only teenagers. Probably even earlier for Evan. But Evan never stops thinking about how much Gregory truly is his family.
That suprise and shock of the kindness hed received from Gregory from little Evan ten years ago is hard to shake when all hed been taught his whole life is how to hate himself. How he deserved to be treated badly, because if he hadn't been the way he was, he could have made himself worthy. A respectable man. Tough. An immovable rock. Real men dont show their emotions, or even experience them. Real men can defend themselves. Real men start to toughen up at the ripe age of twelve.
Evan is twenty two, now. So is Gregory. This life they'd built for themselves, with such a bright future... little Evan never would have even dreamed of. Little Evan had thought there was nothing there for him. Little Evan had thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. That he had been doomed from the start. That his nature nipped his figure at the bud before it could begin.
This life theyve built for themselves. When Evan had ran to the Fazbears as soon as he'd turned eighteen with only a bag of clothes, a binder full of drawings, and yellow bear to his name. When he'd shared the room that felt like his own as well growing up with Gregory. When they'd spent those few months together until getting into the same college and choosing an apartment.
This life theyve built for themselves. That Evan would have only seen as a fantasy when he was eleven.
Theyve changed so much. It always shocks Evan every time he sees an old photo, or really remembers what it had been like pre-Gregory. Evan is growing out his hair, now. Before, all hed ever had was a months overgrown generic slickback. But he gets to choose now. Like how he paints his nails. Gregory has never really cared about his appearance, but he saw a photo of his Dad as a college student and immediately went to go replicate the blue streaks in his hair when it was time for himself to go off to college.
Evan almost laughs sometimes when he thinks about how much Gregory really is just an older version of who he was when he was twelve. He's different, like Evan is, but he's the same as well. A constant.
He knows hes the same, as well. Just with longer hair, bolder clothes, and the power of experimentation. Gregory has never been one to care much about his clothes, but to Evan, its everything. To be able to wear what he always wanted as a kid. To not be confined to whatever annual clothes his Father would buy him from the back to school section. Its freeing.
It's in that moment that he thinks back, really thinks back to his life pre-Gregory, and the contrast of the before and after.
It's all too much, in that moment. The memories and the sentiments and the nostalgia. In true Evan fashion, he cries about it.
Gregory has long since learned how to differentiate Evan's tears between his emotionality and a genuine issue. So when Evan begins wiping silent tears away, he just smiles one of those smiles he does, and pats him on the shoulder, pulling him in for a side hug.
Its digging a hole in Evan's chest, this feeling. It's not bad. But it's not exactly good either. It's some kind of a loss, but a hope as well. Remembering how much he loved back then. As much as he loves right now.
"I--" Evan stutters, sniffling. Gregory hands him one of the many boxes of tissues they always have on hand in their apartment. "It... It feels like we need to celebrate, somehow. I mean... ten years is big."
Evans mind floats to a cake. Or a two person party. Or a collaborated drawing. Evan's mind floats to many things. Many options. Ten years is big, right? Something that big needs a big party. Something big to commemorate it.
But Gregory just hums, and lays eyes on the thick shelf of DVDs they have tucked by the wall right by their TV. "How about a movie night?"
Evan's about to interrupt, say something about the milestone, but Gregory continues. "Do you remember all our favorites as a kid?"
Evan stops himself short, almost scoffing, because of couse he does. How could he not, when he and Gregory had stayed up so many times to watch them together, alongside stifled giggles and ice cream straight out of the carton? "Of course I do."
Gregory gets off the couch, crouching by the bookshelf and picking out a select few movies. Evan catches the titles on the packaging from all the way were hes sitting. Every single one of them is special to him.
Gregory deposits the movies on their coffee table, three DVDs spilling out onto the glass surface. "Then I can't think of a better way to spend the night."
Despite Evan's attempts, he cant either. Despite watching these movies almost regularly with Gregory even now, opening the casing feels different in this moment. It feels special. Evan feels like hes thirteen again.
Before starting their marathon, they make a huge bowl of popcorn, pouring caramel on it just how they liked it as kids. As they continue to now. Evan gets the carton of ice cream out of the fridge, handing Gregory his spoon and taking his own.
All they need is a throw blanket and they're ready. It's the exact setup they've done for years. Starting ten years ago today. This tradition has lasted this long, and it will outlive the milestone.
It feels so familiar, Evan cant stop thinking. His emotions are dialed up to eleven tonight. It only increases when the sky darkens outside their windows. He remembers coming home from school with Gregory and just. Immediately piling onto his bed with snacks and pillows and turning the lights off before they'd dive into another movie. Only going to bed when Freddy forced them to.
Because that's what it was. Thats what it still is. Home. All Evan feels right now is home.
They laugh at all the same parts. They cry as well. They cheer. They point out the same things. Nothing has changed.
Sure, ten years is big. But Evan can't think of a better way of spending the anniversary than continuing to do what hes loved to do with Gregory throughout the years. This doesnt mark the end of an era, or a big change. It marks how long hes had the gift of his brother. His family. His real family. The fifteenth mark will, as well. So will the twentieth.
All the tenth mark says is hes had ten years worth of joy and growth. and He'll continue to do just that.
After the third movie, Evan takes a quick look at his phone. The numbers 12:03 look back at him from his lockscreen, a picture of him and Gregory. The date has switched to the 5th.
"You're my brother." Evan says suddenly to Gregory at the beginning of the fourth movie. Gregory pauses in stuffing his face with popcorn to look over at Evan's earnest face. "You know that?"
Gregory chuckles wetly. It seems Evan isn't alone in the sentimentality tonight. "Only since we were preteens."
Gregory pulls him into that same side hug he always does. "You're my family." Gregory tells him sincerely. "You always will be, too. Hell would freeze over before our family would ever say you aren't one of theirs."
Evan chuckles, eyes misty, because he knows its true. He can imagine his family's reactions so vividly. "I know."
They only sink further into the hug after that, the movie continuing on. Theyve long since stopped with the thank yous. Not since they got it through Evan's thick skull that they arent doing him a favor. They just love him.
It's in that moment that Evan realizes that tomorrow is another day. And there are more after that and after that. Theres more milestones to reach, more years to spend with his brother and their family, and he cant wait to experience them.
But right now, he's content continuing a ten year long tradition as a mundane celebration for a non-mundane achievement.
It's not mundane to him at all, anyway. It means the world to him.
Besides, he can't imagine a world where his family doesn't throw a suprise party for him when he and Gregory visit them tomorrow.
ao3 link
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hellonerf · 2 months
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suicide is discouraged in the workplace
im not even gonna try to be coherent here. this is not an analysis post i am braindead. if i was a better artist makima wouldve been my muse when i was deep into chainsawman. actuallt she kind of was but i pussyed out
OK everyone here can subconsciously understand this connection. dont get too hung up on makima's strong motherhood theme and i just thought about what if ame was motherly and i couldn't kill myself right aftee thinking that as i have no means to it. that was a joke its late and im just me. i decided i wasnt a fan of motherly ame though so all suicidal thoughts erased. i am really chill now
old makima fanart i drew that im trying not to rip my hairs out over thinking about it with ame. also dont worry if this makes tou find my mainblog or main accounts whatever
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actually theyre really different in many ways now that im looking at these. ame is so much of a son and makima is so much of a mother its like oppsoite spectrums. but thay makes the commonalities fun actuallt. i keep thinking about the movies and makima hating bad movies. ame is not an art kid by any means does he even care of the beauty of the world? i doubt it. but he likes bad movies and he likes cheap entertainment so who knows... they'd disagree on that. well i think makima's opinion on that was pretty extreme so i think most would disagree with her really
i could imagine ame going "Chainsawman. Doesn't spit." and smoking for the first time to look cool like in movies only to pathetically cough. thats their common trait... artifice... humans... but in a way that loops back to being Really Human i guess. holds a kind of arrogance and hubris that is so associated with humanity. it cant be anything else. ame should kill himself i think he should get moments of clarity and awareness and want to kill himself rqlly bad
both concepts of control. awesome. SUICIDE IS NOT ENDORSED IN THE WRKPLACE. ame goes to protestant church once or twice and sleeps because hes useless. makima is baptised and goes to local catholic churches not the cathedrals she supports the local christians.FUCK i just remembered the country mouse city mouse thing. ame is a liar and hates everything and loves everything and never feels content. i like to imagine him as a country mouse so fucking bad i want him to chill out one day and go to those middle of nowheres i know exist in america(can i shove cana in here and get away with it). why are they in the city if they are country mice? because..... you know..... you understand..... another w for eternal unhappiness (refer to title of this post)(suicide is discouraged in the workplace)
they are evil bosses i am the employee and when i ask for a break they gaze at me with a vacant stare and smile and i know in my heart they are viewing me like i am beneath them. i get scared and run away but truth is they didnt hear my request. they do not register individual people
if they met they would know immediately and viceversa. because everyone knows subconsciously because lying is futile and everything melts away. ame:i know a toxic boymom when i see one... okay im kidding makima is a toxic boymom if u push the chainsawman in ur head 🙂 ame as a kind of control devil works inmy head. i really believe ame was a polite child but demanding in many ways. sincerely wanting.
ame:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill makima—that is... the control devil (i never got around to drawing this)(ame and gun devil can you imagine)
or:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill alfred f jones—that is... the united states of america (paradox)
throughout all this i wanted to cite the best makima artist in the world ever but i'd feel bad if they wouldn't want to be associated with evil hetalia america blog. also i want to be normal and not cringe at being cringe just becayse i think makima was a thunderstrike of genius that i shouldn't taint. ame is a more flexible character to me for obvious reasons. this is how i'd shove ame into makima's role. but u couldn't put makima as ame. only one way. im okay with that. concept idea consensus words fear control blablabla u get the point i hate using words dont care sleepy now
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thisisnotkitty · 7 months
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hello securitywaiter nation have you thought about ness being abby’s teacher bc I HAVE
below the cut because i can't shut up ever :D
-abby does well enough in school academically but is still needs some work in the socioemotional dept
-when she starts a new school year mike is a bit worried but then she comes back home absolutely ecstatic and mike is like “okay this is good”
-she talks all about how mr. ness lets her color while he teaches and how mr. ness gave them all name tags w silly drawings (hers is a bear) etc etc
-mike is actually really happy bc most teachers have a hard time understanding abby (heck, he has a hard time understanding her) so he’s looking forward to meeting this mr. ness during back to school night
-it goes on like this for awhile, with abby raving about mr. ness and mike is just happy that his little sister seems to be doing better in school. the first time she comes home talking about these kids she hung out with at recess he practically cries
-back to school night is here and the first time mike sees this mr. ness he’s like abby u traitor you didnt tell me this man was exactly my type (he doesn’t actually tell her bc he never brings up his lovelife around her - not that he’s had much of one - but still isn’t this the type of things siblings know intrinsically)
-anyways they’re having the kids show their guardians around the classroom and their seats and everything and then mr. ness is explaining the way his class works and mike is totally paying attention. yup. he’s not distracted by those chocolate brown eyes at ALL
-so they’re waiting to do the one-on-ones with the teacher and mike crouches down next to abby and tries to be all chill “hey, abs. has mr. ness ever mentioned a partner or anything?” acting all nonchalant
-but abby sees right through him and is immediately like “he’s single! do u want me to put in good word for you?” and mikes like “NO i have no idea what ur talking about haha i just wanted to know bc it’s important to know that about ur teachers okay wait why are you smiling like that”
-(abby’s a little menace and already ships it)
-when it’s finally their turn mike is just chanting to himself “be normal. be normal. be normal” lmao
-but now that he’s sitting face to face with the teacher he notices that he has freckles and every chance he had at playing it cool goes out the window
-ness is telling him all about how well abby is doing in class and if there was anything he could do to make it easier for her in the classroom and abby’s just sitting there looking at mike internally screaming with a smile
-so she turns to her teacher and is like “you should get mike’s number just in case something comes up. he’ll probably think of some things later since he’s been taking care of me alone for awhile” (bc u know when kids do that things where they kinda trauma dump at the most random moments lmao)
-and ness at first refuses and is like “im sure email works just fine!” and abby’s like WHYY is he not just taking the bait and then she has like a lightbulb moment
-bc ness probably assumes like everyone else that mike is a single father and abby’s his daughter and abby’s like oh no how do i make this work
-so she goes full anya mode (for my spy x family watchers) and is like “im sure mike would appreciate having your number on hand! he’s a very protective older brother you see. taking care of his little sister must be hard. i’m sure being a big brother like him is hard so it’d be for his peace of mind. did i mention he’s my older brother”
-and ness also has a little bit of a crush already forming so he doesn’t catch the obvious set up and is instead distracted by the fact that the handsome guy in front of him is in fact NOT a single father so maybe he does have a chance wowow
-yup so they exchange numbers andddddd ill come back to this later i really need coffee
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starriluvs · 1 year
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Demon Ritual at 3AM Gone Wrong.
Prompt: Academically Smart Reader who summons young Demon Sae Itoshi through a 2013 emo blog. Except Reader’s lowk stupid.
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You didnt think the demon summoning ritual youd found online was actually going to work.
But it did. As stupid as it was, you were bored out of your mind with the fact you were taking a gap year. Nothing to do, and your social battery was not yet ready for a meetup with your friends.
And so, one (un)faithful night, when you were left alone in the confines of your house, you decided to be daring-if that was the right word. You’d graduated college with high honors, you could afford to be a little stupid for once.
And of course, you’d decided ‘summoning’ a demon would be the thing to cure your boredom.
After picking some lackluster blog site from 2013, you read through the brightly lettered instructions listed out before you. ‘Good god. I forgot how saturated everything was back then..’ You muttered under your breath with squinted eyes.
First step, choose a location.
You chose to do the supposed ‘ritual’ in your living room- for a few reasons. One being that, in the case where anything did go wrong, youd have an easy escape through the windows.
And two- so you could blast Gee by Girls Generation on the TV as you performed the ritual. The rules didnt say anything about music being forbidden after all.
Second step, cover your chosen area in a large ring of salt.
You were tempted to draw multiple rings, just to see what would happen. Alas, you stuck to the rules as you hummed ‘if he liked it then he shoulda put a ring on it,’ on repeat, circling around until a white ring was formed.
Third step, draw a circle and pentagram within the circle with chalk.
Luckily your brother was an art fanatic. You snatched one of his white pieces of chalk, and proceeded to draw.
By the end of it, your back was starting to hurt.
Fourth step, candles.
You placed a candle for each point of the pentagram, lighting them with the match youd found in the kitchen. God, you’d always had a certain.. fear, of fire ever since your granddad accidentally set fire to your hair on your 2nd birthday.
Fifth step, an offering.
You deadpanned when you read it. ‘An offering?’ You repeated to yourself, wondering if your brother would be fine with the proposal.
You decided against it, opting to offer a random necklace you’d found in your bag one day. (You still dont know just where it came from.)
You placed the necklace in the center of the circle, and now, you held your phone in your hands, about to recite the words from the website.
Eyes narrowed, you hesitantly stumbled over your words. ‘Saecula..Saeculorum..’ You said. ‘God what mind of name is this..’
You shook your head, resuming. ‘Be my friend, be my friend..?’
A moment of silence.
You waited for a second longer, before you felt the amusement bubble inside you as you started chuckling. You stood up, stretching as you grinned.
‘Who was i kidding. A demon ritual?’ You laughed. ‘Please, its not like this was ever going to work-‘
And suddenly, you saw flashed of light emitting from the centre of the circle. Ruby red, and emerald green.
What the hell.
You blinked more times than should have been humanely possible. Maybe your vision had gotten worse after all?..
Then, a man appeared, through some kind of warp hole in the ground that dissapeared as soon as it came. A handsome one at that. Long red hair that didnt reach below his neck, sharp emerald eyes. His slitted pupils latching onto your offerred necklace with curiosity.
Except, was he really a man if he had horns and a tail?
The horns that matched the colour of his hair; only being a darker shade. They looked smooth, reaching from the sides of his head up. His tail, slim and somewhat elegant, the tip thrashing back and forth.
You were stunned, a clear look of disbelief on your face.
The boy-demon, whatever he was, who had just appeared in your living room, suddenly turned his gaze towards you. You felt exposed, seeing that sharp gaze directed at you, and not the necklace.
You could only feel pity, and a sense of relation to the piece of jewellery that had suffered his stare for so long.
The ‘creature’ tilted his head, making a dismissive sound. ‘I suppose your offering has been more satisfactory than i would have expected.’ He-it said.
You continued staring, whether from awe, confusion or disbelief, you didnt know. ‘My.. my offering?’ You repeated dumbly.
The boy-demon simply held out the piece of jewellery. ‘The necklace. Or are you simply that forgetful and unaware?’ He said bluntly.
You finally snapped out of it, eyes narrowed in clear as day confusion. ‘Hold on, let’s backtrack here. Who the hell are you?’
A simple, slight tilt of his head back. ‘Dont you mean what am i, human?’
‘To put it simply,’ He started off, voice smooth. ‘I am a demon of the Itoshi bloodline, who has finally, and tragically been summoned.’ He sighed, seeming not too much bothered by the whole situation.
You deadpanned again, looking at him with a blank look as though your head was in the clouds. Eventually, you just said the first thing that came to mind.
‘What.’
The Itoshi sighed, dreadfully. ‘Dont tell me i have to repeat myself again. Are all humans this stupid?’ He muttered, tail lashing.
You shook your head. ‘No, no i mean, i get..? that youre a demon. Or well, kind of. This really just feels like a fever dream.’
You leaned closer curiously, eyes wide with that same look of curiosity and awe. ‘What i mean is.. How are you a demon?’
A quirk of his brow. ‘What do you mean by that?’
You leaned back, crossing your arms as you looked to the side. ‘I guess, i expected demons to be a lot.. uglier.’ You shrugged.
‘You even look human!’ You exclaimed, marvelling inside at his pretty face. ‘Well, besides the horns and tail.’ You pointed out, refusing the urge to touch them out of curiosity.
He shrugged. ‘Demons do look like humans, like you said. In fact, im pretty sure some demons have blended in into human society.’
‘Like Andrew Tate!’ You exclaimed.
The Itoshi deadpanned. ‘I dont know who that is. But yeah, i suppose.’
A moment of silence passed by, with the both of you staring at the other. You were too busy and caught up with admiring him to notice he was doing the same to you.
‘Say, I didnt get your name.’ You muttered.
And you wouldnt. Because just as you said that, you saw the familliar glare of lights pulling into the driveway.
‘Shit!’ You cursed, before grabbing the startled demon’s hand and half running, half dragging him upstairs to your room. Crashing through the door, you pushed him into your closet. He only deadpanned at you through the dark, surprisingly comfortable.
———————————-
You had to explain to your parents that you were doing an arts/science collaboration experiment.
They didnt believe you. But as long as you werent dealing weed and you cleaned up the mess after, they let you off the hook this once.
Once finished with your horrible at best excuse, you backed off, hands behind your back, and an uneasy smile on your face. As soon as you were out of sight, you swiftly sprinted upstairs.
When you peeked through your closet door, you were surprised when you still saw those same emerald eyes piercing back into you.
‘Youre still here.’ You said quietly, the hints of an amused smile on your face.
Though, the demon only huffed. ‘Yeah, and now i cant go back.’
‘Youve just trapped me on earth, until you reverse the ritual, that is.’
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d0llcherry · 1 month
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Hi! I love your stories! And I wanted to ask if you could do smg3 x reader who lost their memories during the puzzlevission arc (should I call it that?)
If you don't feel comfortable with this request, feel free to ignore it :)
Have great day/evening/night!!
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୨୧ THE 30TH ✮⋆˙
SMG3 X READER WHO LOST THEIR MEMORIES
A/N: Yay!!! i love this man bro, smg3 is such a babygirl, it makes me so frustrated that there so little fics of him, LIKE FEED US WITH THIS SHORT OBESE CHUNGUS MAN‼️‼️‼️
Type: Angst, Hcs, romantic
Tw: mentions of depression, i tried making this as sad as possible
Song recommendation: Birds dont sing
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୨୧ Smg3 was so relieved when everything ended well, everyone was okay, the chaos was over! The first thing that smg3 did when everything was over was run to you and hug you, relieved that you were okay.
୨୧ ...only to be met with a "who are you? what is happening?" from you, caughting him totally off guard and making him slowly more and more shocked and disturbed the second he realized what that could mean.
୨୧ He hates Puzzles with every ounce of his being,SMG4 didnt even need to smash the TV with Luigi meat mallet, Smg3 destroyed that TV himself, reducing it to shards in mere seconds, all out of pure hatred for what he done to you.
୨୧ He couldnt believe it, you were just playing around right? you didnt really mean that, it was just a stupid prank you were pulling on him... right?! he shaked you by the shoulders desperately, asking if you were joking and to stop playing around, but his fear were sadly confirmed when you said you didnt knew what he was talking about.
୨୧ This man would be in severe denial once he realizes what happened, thinking you were just being a silly goof ball, when in reality you didnt even remember who u were or where you were, everything in ur mind was just... static
୨୧ The crew would let him live in his fantasy for a while, in hopes for him to fall into reality himself, while trying to get you to have your memories back, but nothing would really seen to work.
୨୧ Smg3 could feel himself falling into depression by the second, he missed you profoundly, he missed how you would just stick by his side everytime you got the chance, now, it was gone, it was all gone.
୨୧ After some time he would fall into acceptance and try to rebuild some memories with you, try to get you guys happy life back, try to get your sparkle back, so that he could feel your warm and comforting hug, even if that meant he had to win you back again.
୨୧ He would often show you some pictures of you two on his phone, some of dates, others from stupid adventures, or just you two relaxing together and also, some drawings he made of you, so you could at least believe him when he said you two knew eachother.
୨୧ His "tough" facade would fall and he wouldnt catch it, and the crew didnt dare to tease him for it since it was a very delicate moment to him, so they would just let him be and comfort him when needed.
୨୧ He would become extra protective of you, sticking by your side always he gets the chance to, keeping an eye on you so he knows you are okay and safe.
୨୧ Considered trying using his guardian powers on you but turned his own idea down because he was afraid that it could hurt or even worsen the situation somehow, so he would just stick to hope and rebuild something with you route.
୨୧ Smg3's look of admiration whenever he looked at you never left, but instead, his look looked a bit more emotional and sad, while he completed if you would ever be yourself again, but he tried comforting himself saying that he would love you no matter what </3
୨୧ “Even though you dont remember me, ill always remember you”
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r-ando-m-w-rite-r · 1 year
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Secrets Not So Kept
basic idea: you and rev have been secretly dating for a month or two and the others are starting to catch on
enjoy
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-the others were starting to get suspicious
-you could tell the little secret that you and rev were sharing was starting to become more public, and it seemed that he was fine with that
-you, however, weren’t so sure
-you loved him, but the idea of ajay, octavio, and all your other friends knowing that you dated a murderbot made you shudder
-whether it was the little things he did for you in game (aka going outside of the ring to save you when you got downed) or the fact that he literally went to paradise lounge with you the other night, it was becoming obvious, and elliott had been the first to point it out not only a day before
-you had been looting the deathbox of someone on a recently slaughtered team when he had approached you 
-“so...heyyy, question” he had said while fumbling with his wingman, drawing your attention
-he was unpredictable, so you had no idea what was about to come out of his mouth “what?”
-”wellll, not-i mean, well, not to offend you, dont get me wrong, but” he said nervously, eyes darting left to right 
-you raised an eyebrow as he continued “you and, well, you know-revenant” he spat the simulacrum’s name like it was the most disgusting word ever “seem to be up to something”
-you felt your face flush and you quickly turned away as he narrowed his eyes “listen, i dont really care-well, i do, but only if im involved in whatever you two are doing”
-the excessive color faded from your face as you realized where he was going with this; he thought you and rev were plotting something
-did everyone else think this? was this why the other legends gave you dirty looks when he would walk down the halls of the apex legends facility with you? or when he would sit with you on the dropship? this was news to you
-holding back your amusement, you turned back to him and played along “oh, well, you see, if you were involved, why would i tell you?” 
-elliott’s color drained from his face and his eyes went beserk as he said “w-w-well, because i-im your friend?”
-”even the best of friends dont always know the deepest of secrets” a familiar grating voice from somewhere above echoed down onto the two of you, and you watched as elliott froze
-looking to you desperately, he whispered “hes above me, isnt he?”
-”better get out of here before i add another kill to my count” with that comment from your less friendly teammate, elliott was gone
-”so everyones catching on, maybe not to the right things, but still” you said exasperately, sighing and hanging your head as you sat down on the floor of the building you were in
-you didnt know why you cared so much if people found out about you and him, but it was nerve-wrecking
-there was a thud as revenant landed behind you, and a cold claw slowly inched its way underneath your chin, turning it upward to display your face to the bot’s, which hovered over you
-his yellow LEDs bore into your eyes as he surveyed you with a look of possesion “and why exactly should i care? remind me, skinsuit”
-to outsiders, what he was doing may have looked like a threat, in fact, everything he did to you may look like a threat, but secretly you liked the protective nature of your lover; he made you warm inside
-that was when you came to your desicion; if anyone asked, they would walk away knowing you were dating a 300 year old serial killer
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rdiowx · 8 months
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Kinktober day three
Edging with Frank Iero
This chapter is all about frank so readers gender really isn’t mentioned
Warnings!: none besides edging i think, frank being an anal virgin 💔 sorta short also its not proofread ive been at work all day
Sat on your knees between franks thighs is where you had spent the last 20 minutes, teasing him, you hadn’t even touched his cock yet. You wanted to see him desperate, broken even. His legs were shaking but this was his fault in the first Place, he made the bet and he was paying the price. The bet was that he could last an hour and a half without cumming while you teased him, he’s barley holding up after 20 minutes and he’s come close to cumming twice. Right now your hands were resting on his thighs and you were teasing him, telling him how pathetic he looked from your view and trying to keep his trembling under control with your hands. It wasn’t working.
“C’mon Frank seriously, you’re the one who raised the time thirty minutes because an hour was ‘too easy’.” You teased him, drawing air quotes with your fingers despite the whine that came from frank as your hands left him. “Okay- fuck you i can do this.” He spat, his teeth clenched and his head fell back as you palmed him through his pants. “You haven’t even let me take your pants off.” You reminded, tugging at one of the belt loops. “Sh- just shut up.” He scrambled to take his jeans off, you were surprised they didnt have a wet spot on them by now, his boxers sure did though.
When they got to his thighs you helped him, taking them off completely and throwing thwm behind you as you go to work. You could see the outline of his cock through the now soaked boxers, it made you laugh to yourself a little as you drug your finger up the side of it. He whined as you did so, trying to keep his hips still. “You know what happens if you fail this right?” You queried, moving your hands to his knees to rest as you looked up at him. “You are not- fucking me!” He half yelled half whined as you squeezed his cock. “This relationship is supposed to be equal Frank, you should let me do the fucking sometime. I think i know, i think You’re afraid You’re gonna cum too soon.” You teased as you released your grip on his cock and tried to reach your hand into his boxers but you couldn’t before frank grabbed your hand and called you out for cheating.
“No- im not gonna cum too soon that’s ridiculous.” He shot back, putting the hand you tried to get into his boxers with on his knee. “Then…maybe you’re just a coward!” You replied, a little teasing edge on your voice as you looked up to him seeing him glare at you. “Oh my god, are you a virgin?” You asked in awe, moving your hands back to his thighs once again. “What- no? we’ve had sex multiple times.” He replied fidgety, you didnt know if it was Because of the lack of attention or because he just got caught red handed. you cut him off again. “Oh my god! You are! Wow that makes so much sense, now im really gonna win this bet.” You smirked at the end of your sentence moving your hands back to his cock.
“By the way, hours up its time to take your boxers off honey.” You chuckled as you watched him begrudgingly take his boxers off, it took everything you had to not jump him as soon as they were down enough to show his cock. Instead you waited patiently before doing your part and throwing them behind you. You got to work quickly, you were set on winning now. Frank watched nervously as you leaned closer to his cock, slowly wrapping your lips around the tip before sucking it softly, just trying to get a whine out of him. You hummed around him, knowing he loved the way the vibration felt against his cock, that got a moan out of him quickly.
“That has to be cheating!” He yelled as his voice cracked at the end to which you just shot him a look telling him to shut up while you worked. He listened but you could tell he wasnt very happy about it, it didnt last long before he got distracted as you took him into your mouth a bit more. You brought one of your hands up to squeeze his base as you worked on the rest. He was trying his hardest not to crack and he knew you could tell, you smirked to yourself mentally praising yourself as you felt him squirm his noises growing in volume.
You loved his noises, you could make a album out of them and listen to them on loop. All it took was you running your tounge under the tip of his cock for him to release into your mouth with a strangled groan before falling back onto the bed, obviously aware he lost the bet. You swallowed before getting up from your knees and crawling over frank to press a kiss to his jaw. “You’re gonna be really mad when i tell you, you only has five minutes left.” You laughed as he pushed you away, you fell to the side of him before kissing his face again. “Thats not fair.” He groaned, looking in your direction. “All’s fair in love and war.”
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tigerdrop · 2 months
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figuring myself out feels like ive flipped a light switch on. i really truly thought i was into cis dudes and i dont really.....know.....why. i look at the stuff i used to make and dont feel anything at all.
i think there was a lot of dissociative headiness for me - i didnt really like the bodies i was looking at or hooking up with or drawing, but i could fantasize about the ideal of being a cis guy who likes to get fucked and zone out. i dont really think i was mentally present 95% of the time i was having sex or beating off. to be honest i just retreated into my own head and thought about fanfic b/c the reality of my own body and the other persons body was a complete and total turnoff
it always felt like pretending. i was pretending the other guy wasnt just seeing me as a kind of ugly girl and i was pretending i was somewhere else and someone else the whole time
but now i know what its like to not be zoned out the whole time and it mystifies me that i tried so hard to pretend i liked it. b/c the idea of having sex with a dude in my own body disgusted me. but i still wanted to be one. and i still got agonized crushes on them that i knew wouldnt go anywhere b/c i didnt want to be a girl to them. so i forced myself to pretend that i liked topping guys and i forced myself to pretend that i enjoyed anal and sucking dick and playing with some dudes sweaty balls and i denied literally everything that i actually wanted
i was pretty into all the stuff i made over the past few years but not really for the reasons people expect. i just wanted to be fucked so bad but without all the trappings and politics of my own body in relationship to the people doing it and fantasizing is a pretty fun way to relieve that pressure
and it turns out that thats not really how people feel about having sex if they actually like it . did you know you can let girls top you and it doesnt make you want to kill yourself. i did not
anyway in case you were wondering i did have a crystal clear moment of clarity while scissoring somebody. like, Oh. this is what being gay actually feels like. and not just the feeling of desperately trying to prove it, despite every bone in your body telling you otherwise. Is anybody hearing this. Is this thing on. If yuou dont like having sex with cis dudes all that much you should really try this shit
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