#i really get into that kind of deep obsessive co-dependence thing
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20 Questions Writer Meme
Tagged by @unfortunatelycake, thanks girl!
How many works do you have on AO3?
28 written by me and one I'm credited as co-author but didn't really wrote.
What's your total AO3 word count?
928,907.
What fandoms do you write for?
Currently only for MDZS, but I've also written for Boueibu.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
"All men are the same"
MDZS nieyao. A comedy of errors where JGS tries to get NMJ and JGY married but it's all a misunderstanding with each one having his own version of what's going on.
"Strong roots for a pine"
MDZS nieyao. Accidental baby acquisition by MY keeping the baby he found during the war and changing his decisions and priorities.
"Brother, don't preach"
MDZS sangcheng, 3zun. Modern omegaverse with NHS getting accidentally pregnant during one of JC's visits and 3zun caring for him until JC returns from studing in another city.
"To hold your hand and let it guide me"
MDZS nieyao. Extra scene of 'All men are the same' where JGY is back in Qinghe and the dumbasses finally confess their feelings.
"When the fire plays with you"
MDZS ruoyao. After some tabloid headlines, CEO WRH convinces his temporary assistant MY to troll the entire city via a fake relationship. MY gets much more than he bargained for.
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yes, I do! Bc if the reader has gone out of their way to let me know that they appreciate my story, the least I can do is letting them know in turn that I appreciate their support ^^.
What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Whoo, this took me down some memory lanes lol. That'd be "Say you love me like you mean it", a Boueibu akorima vampire AU where one doesn't remember their past lives as lovers.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
That's a very good question bc most my stuff has a happy, or at least a hopeful ending. I don't really think there's one that's particularly happier than the rest :P.
Do you get hate on fics?
Not yet, which I'm very grateful for.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Technically, the answer is yes, but this far it has only been in convos with very close friends and just one tame-ish scene. I do have fics that will be E tho.
Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
I don't really write crossover.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Luckily, no. That I know of, at least.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, actually!
- "All men are the same" to Brazilian Portuguese (wattpad)
- "Strong roots for a pine" to Spanish
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I'm credited as co-author in "Going digital", a Boueibu Digimon AU, but it was @magiccatprincess doing the actual writing, I just helped plot it ^^;.
What's your all-time favorite ship?
I can't say I have an all-time fave bc my level of how much I love it changes every time I change hyperfixations. But in my current fandom I'd say nieyao, bc it was one of the first ships I fell for and it is still one I'm hella into, like a default.
What's a wip that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
Ooh boy. I have lots of wips that I do intent on finishing one day, but tbh I fear that I'll get obsessed with another thing before I can get to them orz.
What are your writing strenghts?
I guess that when I am inspired and very obsessed I can write a lot in a relatively short time, and I can adapt and improvise as I go. I've made plot critical changes in the middle of a story that was already getting posted without it showing too much lol.
What are your writing weaknesses?
My aforementioned dependence on my level of obsession for a fic to get completed. If another fandom catches my eye and heart while I have unfinished fics, those are done for. My motivation for a previous fandom is pretty much non-existent when I'm neck deep into another thing, all my energy is now poured into new fandom with new fics and ideas.
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
Not a big fan of it and I don't really do it beyond names or expressions ('et tu', 'touché', etc.)
First fandom you wrote for?
Boueibu.
Favorite fic you've ever written?
This answer also changes depending on what fandom I'm in at the moment. But rn I'd say "Black hole sun", a MDZS alternative Guanyin temple scene with fierce corpse WRH bc I like the instrospection I do in JGY's character and choices (and also him getting to live :')))).
Tagging: @jgydidnothingwrong, @thebiscuiteternal, @wishthefish and whoever else wants to do this!
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first of all, you're art style >>>
second of all, your Headcannons >>>
overall I love your contributions to the fandom they're to die for, also, do you have any family type of headcannons? like your CA and AK friendship one? also, expanding on the hair resources headcannon, would this mean states that are high producers of petroleum or oil have dark black, oily hair? is it more limited to one resource? such as Wisconsin, who has iron, zinc, copper and gold, would his hair be mixtures of dark gray, silver, ginger and golden blonde, depending on what resource he actually has the most of?
id also just like to overall compliment you on your animal headcannon as well, I especially love the CO and NV drunken and stoned horn fights
last question- are you planning to draw any of the other characters? sorry to ask I'm just obsessed with your art style and I'm curious!
before i answer this i want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH?!?!!
family type headcanons:
- north dakota and south dakota are absolutely brothers. technically twins as they were admitted simultaneously so neither one of them can pull the ”i was born first” card (also in the hybrid au i was planning to make them the same animal, but north is a horse and south is a coyote)
- north carolina and south carolina are absolutely also brothers, and though their colonies were both created/founded/settled(???) around the same time, south carolina was admitted first (by several years) which he constantly holds over north carolina. they one-up each other a lot more than the dakotas do (we love southern pride) and have probably battled it out several times
- this sort of falls into the category: virginia and maryland are kind of mom friends, the former is really tired and the latter drags him around a lot. maybe its just the ”hon” thing but it really gives maryland kind of a warmer, caretaker kind of vibe. he still gets into arguments and spats and all that sort of chaos, but he’ll gladly sit there and listen to your problems and ask you if you want comfort or if you want him to beat up the person for you. virginia, on the other hand, hates the fact he ended up having to essentially babysit all the states before gov came around (he sympathizes with gov a lot) (shoutout to mass, his biggest stressor) but he still (reluctantly) helps maryland. deep down, he really does care, he just really values his alone time now.
- montana and wyoming are really good friends. initially it was more of an ”outcasts have to stick together” type of deal but theyve gotten along really well and like to spend a lot of time together away from the statehouse (no one notices they’re gone) (sike! maryland sometimes does). i need to read more abt them before i say anything more but they probably bonded initially over yellowstone
hair resources:
- oil rich states definitely have slick, oily hair, though to the touch it only feels somewhat oily. its mostly just the appearance. it was probably really oily in the past, right when the deposits and such were discovered, but similar to the golden hair, the shine and oil dwindles as the state’s resources dwindle as well
- silver states have silver streaks and flecks throughout the hair
- i truly dont know about wisconsin, i’ll be honest! he probably has scattered streaks and flecks of the two most abundant resources
animal hybrid au:
thank you so much !! i think colorado and nevada are good friends and they get along well, like you have the state who loves mountain climbing and the most mountainous state. they’re absolutely friends. fun little thing about the animal hybrid au is that gov is the only personification with wings/can fly :] he’s a bald eagle!! this has made it a little tricky for trying to figure out states whose state animals are birds but its worth it for the literal government personification being the only one who can fly
drawing:
typically i tunnel-vision on my favorites, but i’d love to get around to drawing everyone eventually! unfortunately i am human and i have things to do and i can’t spend all my time drawing the funky personified states (though i’d love to). i’ve drawn some of the other states before, actually, but it was mostly just warmups and attempts to figure out their clothing. side note: maryland is so difficult to draw. why does he have so many accessories.
also your compliments (as well as everyone else’s !!) are greatly greatly appreciated i cant reiterate this enough !
#lynx rambles#wow i did not realize how long this post was#headcanons#wttsh#wttt#welcome to the table#asks
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oh my gosh, the readings and writings about the details of how Chan would act are so good I’m obsessed already! Could I pls get a comparability reading with Chan ? My sun is in cancer, Ascendant in Sagittarius, Moon in Libra, Mercury in Leo, Venus in Leo, Mars in Libra,
thank you <3
thank you so so much! it really means a lot to hear that 🥺 ❤️
i did this one pretty quickly, so i'm sorry if there are typos! i hope you enjoy :)
sun in cancer- this indicates you come across as caring and warm, but sometimes overtly emotional as well. there is a POSSIBILITY that you can overshare on emotions, but again, this would depend on other things such as houses. because you have a lot of emotions, and could sometimes have a problem with dealing with everything on your own, chan will mirror back what you need to become someone strong. the down side, however, is that it can make him feel like he needs to be the strong one in the relationship all the time. so that he doesn't put the burden on you. he may have a hard time opening up when something is bothering him. i dont think this is too big of a deal though, and is something you could easily work through with time. just have to make sure each of you make it a point to love yourselves fully for the way you are and actively try to avoid co-dependency.
ascendent in sag- his 1st impression of u is that ur independent, something he also values due to his mars in sag placement. you are either very social, or very good at talking to/understanding people once you do speak to them, which he really values as well. his ascendant in gemini and yours in sag would make for great banter between each other and a very good, almost unforgettable first impression.
moon in libra- this is a PERFECT match for chan!!!! and in my opinion, the moon/sun sign match is the most important. moon sogns represent your emotions, meaning that as a libra, you have a deep need to find love and beauty in all things. chan's moon is also in libra, so you will be able to deeply understand each other on an emotional level and form the strongest kind of bongs with each other.
-this is further exacerbated by the fact that his sun sign (personality) matches your moon sign (emotions). because this, he will feel like you really UNDERSTAND and listen to him. he would realize this actually pretty quickly if you all became friends! this is, in my opinion, the biggest indicator of maintaining a strong, long-term relationship. i genuinely think you would match up at exactly the most crucial aspects of yourselves.
mercury in leo- depending on your house placements/other placements in your chart, communication between you and chan could be somewhat strained. there is a high likelihood that you are predisposed to need a lot of reassurance in yourself, but chan is the same way. you could also have a hard time addressing things that are bothering you, but again, chan is the same way. the reasons for your communication problems is different though. you may feel too proud to bring something up that's bothering you. instead, you choose to act like it doesn't. you don't want to seem weak when things arise. chan, however, won't talk about things for the shear fact that he doesn't want to disturb the peace that you have in the relationship. i see you having slightly the upper hand in communication here. but it is an area you would both need to work with each other on.
mars in libra- even if you have problems with communication, if you and channie ever got into fights over this, i honestly think you are a perfect match to help calm his temper. if you read my "mars in sag" post for chan, then you saw me talk about how explosive he can get if he bottles things in (again, could happen with those mercury signs yall got going on... so you've got to learn to be 100% open and honest with each other if something bothers you). with your mars sign, you are a great peacemaker when situations get out of hand. if chan had an outburst or was being ridiculous, i think you'd do a great job at leveling him out and getting him to calm down. he would love and appreciate you so much for it.
venus in leo- ooooooh i love this. since you read my venus in scorpio, you know that chan brings the passsssion to the bedroom. however, with your venus in leo, it indicates that you are very open to trying new things (and honestly may be one kinky mf'er too lol no judgement here sis). you would definitely encourage chan to try different things- especially if it's something he's secretly wanted to try but was scared you wouldn't like it. you two could definitely have a lot of fun and keep the passion alive. i would tell you to err on the side of caution though, as channie puts a lot of meaning into having sex. too much unmeaningful sex could burn him out. just make sure to always please one another and you will have a very enviable sex life tbh
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went in to halfprice books today, remembered the terrible theory of not being able to tolerate books because of the awful cliches - --- --------- the boring main male characters and regrettable plots --- ----------------- which i also saw a lot of ----------- and quickly fell into despair --------------
i defaulted to horror, because even if your protagonists are awful, you just cheer the monster on :3c
saw a lot of John Saul??? I don’t know authors very well. If fanfic didn’t let me immediately access all of an authors works, then I’d be even worse at following someone’s entire anthology. anyway.....
Picked up one of his books, Creature. Im screeching, because I just checked and apparently this is a book from 1990? nice. The back is like “A powerful high-tech company. A postcard-pretty company town. Families. Children. Sunshine. Happiness. A highschool football team that never-ever-loses. And something else. Something horrible ....” What made me buy the book was where it switched to italics. “Now, there’s a new family in town. A shy, nature-loving teenager. A new hometown. A new set of bullies. Maybe the team’s sports clinic can help him. Rebuild him. Then they won’t hurt him again. They won’t dare.”
If John Saul ends up being a tolerable writer, I’ll have lots of material to read. I mean, the shelves were full of all kinds of books - apparently he’s pretty prolific.
I also picked up a couple of werewolf books, because I’m always a slut for werewolves, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my original story which riffs off the standard horror tropes involving werewolves (but seems like it’s actually going to feature a lot of social commentary ............ a favorite default of mine, it seems. :\ )
One is Wolf’s Trap, the back of which reads like a hilariously bad cop/noir novel. “Nick Lupo is a good cop - a bit of a renegade at times, with the instincts of a great detective .... or maybe a wolf. Lupo has a lot in common with wolves, which is only natural considering he’s a werewolf. He’s battled the creature inside him for years, but now there’s another predator in the area. A bloodthirsty serial killeris leaving atrail of victims, and it’s up to Lupo to track him down and stop the slaughter. Will Lupo dare to unleash one beast to stop another?”
I’m going into that book with no expectations, because Lupo, are you serious? The cover art is also a bit ridiculous. This one is a bit harder to date, but apparently was a finalist for the Bram Stoker award in 2004.
The other book, I wasn’t initially certain was a werewolf book despite the title “Red Moon.” I found out when I cracked it open looking to avoid any first person pov, where someone is explicitly called a Lycan. This one reads, “When government agents kick down Claire Forrester’s front door and murder her parents, Claire realizes just how different she it. Patrick Gamble was nothing special until the day he got on a plane and hours later stepped off it, the only passenger left alive, a hero. Chase Williams has sworn to protect the people of the United States from the menace in their midst, but he is becoming the very thing he has promised to destroy. So far, the threat has been controlled by laws and violence and drugs. But the night of the red moon is coming, when an unrecognizable world will emerge ... and the battle for humanity will begin.”
It’s got a rather minimalist cover and seems to have been published in 2013, so it’s probably the most recent of the books I picked up. It seems to be a more classic type of book that I enjoy reading from time to time - like the way Michael Crichton writes. The kind where the characters take second position to the plot. I find that’s the easiest original content to consume for me, where as with fanfiction, I have to have character exploration and focus on relationship dynamics to remain engaged.
Then I somehow came across a legit zombie heroine. I actually didn’t read the title until I got it home: “The Year of Eating Dangerously”. The back of this one reads, “As a lawyer, Mallory Caine considers it her duty to defend the innocent. As a flesheating zombie, she knows how to take a bite out of crime. So when a scared ten-year-old boy asks for her help - claiming that his mother wants to eat him - Mallory rises to the occasion. Unfortunately, the occasion is a Satanic Ritual, the mom is a monster, and the boy is a sacrifice. Before you can say ‘the devil made me do it,’ Mallory is caught dead center between a family of freaks, fire-breathing demons, and the final battle of good versus evil. If she doesn’t have enough on her plate, the brain-chomping lawyer has to defend her zombie-hunting father in court. And, oh yeah: her flesh-eating secret is about to be exposed by a sexy LAPD detective who’s good enough to eat. What’s a zombie girl to do ...?”
IT’S JUST SO DELIGHTFUL??? I HOPE THE STORY IS AT LEAST AS GOOD AS THAT BLURB. I was pretty bored until I discovered that book. Horror is entertaining and all, but few things are as delightful as the completely absurd. I’m only dismayed to discover it’s not the first in the series - i really prefer to read series in order - but if it follows the usual format of book series of this genre, then I can probably deal with it. It’ll probably be one of the last ones I read, because I always save the delightful for last =w= This one came out in 2012.
and the book that I picked up that I’m most excited to read, “Heart Sick” which actually wasn’t in the horror section but next door in the Mystery/Thriller section. This one reads: “Portland Detective Archie Sheridan spent years tracking Gretchen Lowell, a beautiful and brutal serial killer. In the end, she was the one who caught him .... and tortured him ... and then let him go. Why did Gretchen spare Archie’s life and then turn herself in? This is the question that keeps him up all night - and the reason why he has visited Gretchen in prison every week since. Meanwhile, another series of Portland murders has Archie working on a brand-new task force ... and heading straight into the line of fire. The local news is covering the case 24/7, and it’s not long before Archie enters a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with the killer - and his former captor. But this time, it’s up to Archie to save himself ...”
I mean, aside from the fact that i’m always a slut for serial killers, EW LITERALLY DRAWS COMPARISONS TO HANNIBAL LECTOR ON THE COVER, IM CRYING!!!!! LIKE??? IS THIS NOT THE RED DRAGON??????? UM??? Only made extremely heterosexual lmaooooo
but it’s somewhat interesting for the man to be the victim, and also I was seduced by the bright red cover and crude heart shape and the title “heart sick”, I am predictable and weak. “Love hurts. Sometimes it’s torture.” COVER BLURB PLEASE, I ALREADY PICKED THE BOOK UP, IT IS PAID FOR.
It’s definitely taunting me lol
I mean, I’m 99.999999% sure already that whatever I’m dreaming up in my own head is better than this book, if only because I can cater to my own psychological quirks 100% and ahhh ahhh but i loVE some psychos in love ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
#also typos in the blurbs are completely mine since i just typed them down myself#it may have been easier to check and see if the blurbs existed on line for the newer books#but ........ in the end this somehow felt easier tbh#anyway I feel like this is a good and diverse sampling of the kind of thing i like#two really cheesy detective/lawyer novels#a plot driven thriller#and the old Goosebumps style horror type thing#and then ....... serial killers lmao#i really get into that kind of deep obsessive co-dependence thing#IM SO WEAK#give me that brutal murderous homicidal kind of love ❤#well my preference is that they don't hurt each other ......... everyone else yes but each other no
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Someone to blame (part one)
Summary : after Rue almost died from her overdose, you’re looking for someone to blame & end up fighting real bad with Fezco. You meet again a few weeks later, and well, the reunion is... interesting.
Warnings : mentions of alcohol, drugs, lots of bad words, bit of fighting, bit of teasing 😇, reader being a bitch, fezco (my boy deserves a warning)
Pairing : FezxFem!Reader
Word count : 3k
Side Note : english is not my first language, feel free to tell me if you find mistakes or just weird sentences lol
You had been friends with Rue for years, at this point you were practically siblings. And this implied the good sides and the bad ones. You shared the same kind of humor – a great mix of sarcasm and self-depreciation – and knew you could trust each other with your lives. But there were also more complicated moments, Rue overdosing on pills being the latest. Speaking of drugs, she actually introduced you to Fez a few months before it happened.
The guy wasn't the most talkative or expressive, but he had always been courteous in his own way. You had wondered many times how someone so gentle and calm in appearance could lead such a life, punctuated by violence and despair.
You were never that close but talked a bit and had a laugh at every party you both went to, and you hung out a few times with Rue. He was chill, and you got along pretty well, even found him cute at times. That is, until you saw your dearest friend laying unconscious in a hospital bed because of the shit he sold her.
Back then, you really thought she was going to die. Seeing her in that bed had awakened a rage and a disgust in you that you had not thought you'd ever be able to feel before that day. You showed up at Fezco's place the next morning and things went pretty far. You basically called him a murderer, screaming and calling him names, which led him to shout back and things were said and never forgotten on both sides.
He was an irresponsible and disgusting brainless criminal, you were a spoiled and fucking ignorant kid who knew nothing about life. From this day on, you hadn't spoken a word to each other, despite crossing paths a few times during the last few weeks.
Had you known he’d be there tonight, you probably wouldn’t have come.
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It looked like a scene from a movie, the place was full of people, the music was too loud and the lights were blinding. There were people smoking on the roof, others making out on the hoods of cars, and you chose not to see what was going on in the pool. Jules, with whom you had come, was jumping enthusiastically next to you. “This is gonna be so fun,” she smiled, her big bright eyes looking right at you as you were entering the house. “Come on you need a drink! And then we'll break the dancefloor.”
“Alright,” you laughed a bit, her excitement being contagious, “I’ll get us some drinks, you go and try to find Rue.” The both of them had a relationship that was quite difficult to qualify, even if they hadn’t known each other for a very long time. Rue's obsession with Jules made you a little suspicious at first, you were maybe a little afraid that she would replace you for a moment, but you soon realized that their relationship had nothing to do with yours. Even though deep down you knew that this co-dependency between your two friends was not healthy, you couldn't help but be happy for them, and Rue was doing better.
You manage to make your way to the kitchen, where you quickly find a bottle that suits you on the table. You were about to pour yourself a drink when a small brown-haired sparkly tornado hit you head-on. She smelled a little like alcohol and could barely stand up, smiling from ear to ear as she wrapped her arms around you.
“What the hell Maddy ?” You ask, managing to find your balance back.
“I’m so happy you’re here bitch,” she simply answers, making you laugh. “I need your help with something,” she adds while giving you the puppy-eyes look.
Between a few incomprehensible words due to the alcohol in her body, you understand that she’s asking you to find her something to smoke, a favor she had done you at the previous party. You groan as you fill the glass you grabbed, taking a shot to give you the strength to get to work. You clearly have other things to do but you know Maddy well, and if you don't do it back for her as you promised you would, you know she won't stop complaining and she won't leave you alone. “Fine just wait here until I get back, and try not to drink more, right ?” And with that, you go in search of the holy grail, or in this case, the holy weed.
Now there are multiple ways you can find what you're looking for, you could just use your charms and get if from some random dude, but you don't feel like flirting tonight. And the easiest way to buy drugs is standing a few feet from you, outside by the bay window. “Fuck me.” You huff, cursing yourself for only taking one shot. Your heels click on the ground as you approach until you plant yourself in front of the redhead, whose fresh cut displays his scar even more.
He stares at you with suspicion, and then looks quickly around him as to make sure it is really him you want to speak to.
“What's up Y/N ?” he simply questions, his blunt still between his lips.
His usual nonchalance surprises you nonetheless, given your last somewhat hectic exchange. However, you decide to get it over with as quickly as possible and get straight to the point.
"I need some weed," you sigh, knowing full well that this request would make you lose the credibility you had when you yelled at him about the drugs, even if it is 'just' weed in that case. He looks a bit surprised, one eyebrow raised. "It’s for Maddy,” you add.
“You sure? I ain't want you to come and knock on my door tomorrow calling me names cause I gave you the stuff you asked for.” His blue eyes are locked in yours, and you don't know if he's teasing you or if he really wants to know if you're sure of yourself.
You cross your arms over your chest, already annoyed and eager to find your friends, drink and forget this conversation and the previous one. “Don't worry about that,” you respond, “I don't want to have anything to do with you, so please just stick to doing your job right now, right?”
“Am not here to make friends either, now just pay for the damn thing or imma find someone else to buy it.” He doesn't want to be around you either, that's for sure, but he’s still pretty polite as usual. You know you kinda hurt him, but he did too, plus you're too annoyed by his attitude right now to feel bad. His words just have a way of bringing out that side of you that tends to piss people off pretty well : the sarcastic little shit.
“Don't act all indifferent now Fez, we both know you'd love to be my friend.” You provoke him, a fake smile on your face and you tilt your head, placing your hand on his bicep, while his arms are still crossed.
He can't help but sigh, moving away from the wall he was leaning against and leaning toward you instead. You stand straight, defying him. “Look, imma be honest with you. Being a bitter depressive kid giving lessons on shit you know nothing about don't sound like a real interesting occupation to me y'know?”
“Yeah cause selling drugs to those depressive kids is such a respectable one.” You immediately spit back, making him look down for a second. Touché.
“I really don't wanna fuck with you right now Y/N." You must have come a little closer with every shot fired because now you can feel his annoyed and warm breath on your face, your eyes still locked. He takes the last hit of his joint before throwing it to the ground, stepping back as if to prevent the situation from going any further. He grabs a little bag from his back pocket, and holds hit between his fingers. “Just pay for the damn thing and go back to your shit, I'll go back to mine.”
His tone is more tired than threatening, but it still makes you shiver. Fez wasn't usually one to get mad, to threaten with his hands, he always spoke slowly in a way that still let you know he wasn't messing around.The tension is palpable, your fists and his jaw clenched to the point where it could have snapped. Your contempt disguised as sarcasm did not please him, obviously, but the more he responded to it, the more he made you want to infuriate him for real.
You hand him the money before taking the bag from his hands. "Alright, I wouldn't want to stop you from handing out overdoses for a few bills," you conclude before starting to leave.
Rubbing his temples, he finally speaks again, loud enough so that you can hear him behind you.
“Damn Y/N, why d’you have to be like this ? Why you giving me all the blame and shit ?” You stop walking, your back still facing him. “Am not sayin what she did was completely her fault, I know I’m part of this too. I felt like shit, like real bad, you know she’s family. But now you been treatin me like I did it on purpose when you know damn well I didn't.”
You don't know if it's the booze starting to kick in or just the emotions you bottled up these past few weeks, but at this moment you feel particularly exhausted by the situation. Yes, you resent him for spending his time distributing drugs to people you love. You did blame Rue for a while too, you screamed, cried, and you also blamed yourself - you still do - for not having seen how bad she was doing. But Fez, the lovely guy you got to know a little, who said he was like her brother, and who gave her the drug that landed her in the hospital? He was right, you knew deep down it wasn’t really his fault, but you couldn't help but be overly mad at him.
“You can act all nice as much as you want Fez.” You shrug, turning around to face him. "But you can't do what you do and pretend you care about those people.”
You see him nod silently. Seconds pass before he finally says something back.
"Sounds like you're just tryin to find someone to punish now." He's staring at you, his hands in his pockets "It's alright, make me the bad guy. But don't say I don't fucking care about her ever again, right?"
As you process what he's saying, you can only realise he's stating facts. You're not angry at him for giving the damn pills to your friend, you're looking for a culprit and he's easy to blame. But it's just something about him, about the way he responds to the shots you fire at him, it's physical, you can't help but keep fighting and fighting and wanting for more. Are you actually being a dramatic judgemental little bitch? Absolutely. Will you ever admit that he's kinda right and you know it, and that he's hot as hell when you piss him off like that ? Absolutely not. Is it a good enough reason to keep acting that way? Certainly.
“Yes sir.” You roll your eyes before turning on your heels, leaving the redhead and heading for the kitchen.
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I's three in the morning and you're a complete mess. After giving Maddy her weed, you've done nothing but drink, dance, and drink again. You don’t even know how many shots you've had, but your lack of balance indicates that the amount must be important.
Your body moves to the rhythm of the music, your hips undulating in a sensual choreography. Masculine hands move around your waist, which you quickly brush away to join Cassie dancing on the table. Putting on a show is not exactly an habit of yours, but at the moment, you just feel like having a good time and not caring about nothing else.The little blonde moves against you, laughing and flipping her hair as the crowd around you whistles and admires the show you’re offering. Among the people, in the corner of the room, you notice a familiar figure already watching you. He's still smoking, shaking his head in amusement or in disapproval -you’re not sure-, to which you respond with a middle finger and a provocative wink.
When the song comes to an end, you get off the table to some applause and head to the nearest exit to the garden, feeling the need for fresh air. Your steps are uncertain but you manage to get outside, sitting on a deckchair by the pool.
“It doesn’t really suit you, y’know,” you hear Fezco say as he sits on the other side of the chair, a small smirk on his face. He looks a little high, more relaxed.
“What ?” You frown, turning to sit directly across from him.
“The whole ‘look I smoke weed and I’m wild’ kinda shit.” He shrugs, giving you a side look.
“I never asked you to look,” you argue, alcohol probably making you a little more touchy than usual.
His body is still not facing you, but he turns his head so his eyes meet yours. “You’re kinda hard to miss when you’re behavin’ like that,” he remarks, his gaze now on the little dress Jules had chosen for you. “Was a very pleasant sight, I gotta admit.”
You feel your cheeks starting to burn and quickly look away, rolling your eyes. The effect this guy had on you with just a few words, damnit. He’s a dick, you try to convince yourself, don’t smile like an idiot. You want to come up with something witty or sarcastic to say but really you’re just dumbfounded. And he likes it. “Thanks, I guess.” You whisper without thinking too much, still a bit confused. It's been rare for you to be quiet and likeable since the latest events, so he takes the opportunity to speak again, his voice strangely pleasant.
“Why you always acting stupid like earlier? When deep down you're really just cute and shit,” he sighs, his blue eyes on you as you’re looking down to avoid them. “It's like you enjoy being a fucking brat to me, pissing me off. You like that, don't ya?”
You look up to meet his gaze, intense and curious. Somehow, hearing him call you a brat and talk to you that way feels really good. Is this motherfucker really turning you on and calling you out at the same time without even trying? You don’t know if he’s intentionnaly playing with you right now, but he seems to enjoy the effect he has on you, as you struggle to hide it. You quickly get up to try and regain some composure, there's no way you're going to let him have that power, all of this wouldn't even happen if it weren't for all the drinks you've had.
“You wish, loverboy.” You retort, a playful smile on your lips. “I'm gonna start thinking you fancy me now Fez, thought I was a spoiled ignorant idiot,” you quote.
You hear him laugh a little, and he stands up too to stand right in front of you. “You are.” He grins, getting closer. “You're fucking infuriating,” he adds, his body so close to yours now, “exasperating,” he whispers in your ear, without ever touching you. You close your eyes shut and feel the shivers sliding down your spine, a sigh of contentment slipping from your parted lips while his mouth brushes the skin of your neck. “naughty, even” he finally adds as you feel his wet and rough lips so close to your jaw. You’re a mess, the heat on your cheeks is nothing compared to what you’re feeling down your stomach, between your thighs. Not so innocent and nice now is he ? You take a deep breath and manage to raise your hand, placing your finger under his chin, lifting it up a little so he looks you straight in the eye, your noses almost touching. You need to end this right now, before it goes too far, before you can’t resist the urge to angry fuck the shit out of him here and now. He’s a dick, you can’t let him win. You have to be the one in control.
“You're not fucking me tonight Fez.” You breathe, your tongue clicking in your mouth. ”I ain't got five minutes to waste for you.”
You turn around to leave but you haven’t even taken the first step when he grabs your arm, gently but firmly, and you feel his body pressing against your back.
“You can insult me all you want but don’t ya underestimate me,” he whispers in your ear, his warm breath crashing against the skin of your neck. "If I were to fuck you, I'd do it properly." The words his hoarse voice whispers make you gasp, you suddenly feel completely naked, at his mercy. You can feel the warmth more and more down your stomach, as his hand brushes your arm, then your shoulder, before moving down to your hip, his fingertips playing with the fabric of your dress with such a slight touch that you don’t know if it’s even real. “I’d take my time, give you what you deserve.”
He doesn't give you the time to process what he just said and steps back, then walks past you to head inside, a winning smile on his lips.
“You enjoy the rest of the night Y/N.”
And before you know it, he’s left you standing here, flustered and desperate for more.
What the fuck just happened?
#to be continued#fez x reader#fez x you#fezco x you#fezco x reader#fezco fanfic#fezco euphoria#fez#euphoria#euphoria fic#fezco imagines#fezco imagine#fez imagine#fez imagines#angus cloud
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Taking Flight [KNJ Oneshot]
➳ summary: More than a decade after the alien invasion that wiped out most of the planet, you and Namjoon are both in the Pilot Cadet Corps, training for if the alien attackers ever come back. What begins as a playful rivalry between two overachievers develops into a deep friendship and emotional bond, but when the aliens suddenly return and you and Namjoon are separated, you find out just what you’re willing to do to get back to him.
➳ pairing: pilot!Namjoon x pilot!reader
➳ genre: smut, sci fi au, post apocalypse au, alien invasion au, rivals to friends to lovers
➳ word count: 15.2k
➳ read on ao3, link to my masterlist
➳ tags: smut, reunion sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, emotional loving sex, soft dom namjoon, dirty talk (no degradation), rivals to friends to lovers, sexually charged fight/sparring scene when they’re rivals, previously seemingly unrequited love/mutual pining, shower sex, multiple positions, namjoon is needy and so in love
➳ warnings: unnamed character death/death mention, blood mention, injury mention/vague description
➳ a/n: I know this is kind of a niche genre for smut fics; I primarily wrote this for myself, and I definitely had fun and like what I came up with! What’s the point of fanfiction anyway, if not to have fun? Also, this takes place over a few years, and I tried to portray how Namjoon was feral and angry when he was younger but is now a loving gentle giant. Enjoy!
I.
Everybody lost someone in the attacks that killed most of the planet. Friends. Family. Partners. You had lost everything and everyone, like most people who’d lived in the cities that no longer had names — what once had been centers of commerce, tourism, and civilization were now nothing more than craters, and with so few left who remembered them, what they’d once been were now lost to time.
You'd only survived by chance, really. You and your family had been in a tunnel leaving the city, on foot like everyone else, and when everything had turned to chaos, you’d gotten lost from your parents and sister. You still remembered the way people screamed and ran through the tunnel, their voices echoing harshly off the cement walls. You’d spotted someone hiding off to the side in a utility room in the tunnel, and when the blast hit the city center, that person had made you hide in the room too, their body shielding yours from the hellfire, melting around you.
You were five years old then. You were pretty sure your sister had been eight. You couldn’t remember what your parents or sister looked like, or your house, or where you’d gone to school, other than vague flashes and shapes of people who’d once been your whole world. All you’d had with you were the clothes on your back, and even those had been taken away once you’d gotten somewhere safe and been given something clean to change into.
After the ships fell and surviving aliens left, it had taken years to clear the rubble and start over. The attacks that changed and destroyed everything had also been a gift, or so they now preached, in which humanity was able to grow, learn, and become united. The religions and cults who now worshiped the alien attackers believed humanity had deserved extermination, but you liked the more academic approach to the alien race’s lessons: the technology humans had been able to reverse engineer from their fallen ships.
One of the many ways humanity had advanced in the last few years was flight technology. Planes were faster, turned sharper, could go farther, burned cleaner energy. The one thing everyone seemed to agree on was how important Earth’s planes had been in beating them, so that was where all the technology and progress was focused now.
You loved planes and flying, you always had, but the real reason you wanted to be a pilot, you held much closer to your chest: your entire life, you always felt like the attacks when you were young were just the beginning. Like an unhealthy obsession or open wound, it was all you could think about sometimes, what drove your every decision, what led you to the Pilot Cadet Corps. You wanted to be part of the team that took them down if they ever came back. You wanted to be ready.
You were eighteen when you’d joined the Corps. You’d jumped on that opportunity the first moment you were able, without so much as a second glance back at what you left behind. You’d been adopted fairly soon after the attacks, but your adopted parents never felt much like family.
The first full year of Corps was bootcamp. Bunk rooms were co-ed, and every moment of your lives was dictated down to the second. You woke up at six in the morning and ran laps around the track. You had as much free time as you earned between whenever you finished your laps and when breakfast started at seven: the faster you ran, the more free time you got.
Eight to noon was physical training. After lunch was different depending on the day: three days a week you had mental training for whatever field you were going into, mostly flight simulation for the pilots. Another day was more combat training, and the last was an alternate, for first aid, written tests, marksmanship, and other courses along those lines. After that you had more physical training, like sparring and hand-to-hand combat, then dinner, then free time. Lights out was strictly at ten-thirty every night, and then you’d start it all over again the next day.
Now, you stood in line with the other cadets training to be pilots, waiting to hear your class ranks. Every month, they would announce a ranking of all cadets, a score averaged in test results, simulator scores, and overall performance. The better you ranked, the better your placement once you graduated.
“Third place, Park. Eighty-nine point nine,” the sergeant read off, making a small boy a few rows away from you puff up his chest in pride. You weren’t sure why anyone would feel proud of not getting an A, but you pushed that thought away.
You swallowed hard, holding your breath. There were only two spots left, and if you’d scored higher than Park, that meant you got an A and were either in second or first place out of the whole class. You didn’t know everyone’s names yet, so you weren’t sure who you were competing with.
“Second place, Y/L/N. Ninety-five point two.”
You heard the impressed murmur of others in the class before all of them were silenced by a firm look from the sergeant. Your heart sank, your hands curling into tight fists. Second place? You’d been so sure before now that you were working harder than all the other cadets. You were smarter than them, faster, more focused. Who the fuck had beaten you?
“First place, Kim. Ninety-five point three.”
Your brow furrowed. You weren’t sure who this Kim was, but you set your jaw, becoming determined to learn everything about them so you could beat them. Whatever their weaknesses were, you’d find them and exploit them.
You snuck a glance around you, trying to figure out who Kim was, and nearly jumped out of your skin when the tall boy next to you made eye contact with you, raising one eyebrow in the most smug, cocky, asshole-ish look you’d ever seen. That one singular eyebrow quirk, the corner of his lip curling up barely noticeably, all of it made you want to seethe and strangle him.
You’d noticed this man before, but had never thought much of him. He was taller than all the other men, but he hadn’t come off as particularly smart or extraordinary. This guy was the one who’d beaten you?
Now that you looked at him, you noticed he was definitely very muscular. Had he beaten your score through his strength? You could work harder at weight lifting and beat him. Were his test scores perfect? You could make yourself study even more.
Whatever it was that made him first place, you’d find out and beat him.
II.
In the following weeks, you began to wonder how you’d ever missed Kim Namjoon.
You and Namjoon both worked harder than everyone else. You both trained longer, started earlier in the morning and kept going until you were the last ones left. You both pushed yourselves harder than all of your other classmates, academically and physically. Before he was placed first in the class, you hadn’t even noticed him, but now he was the bane of your existence, and you existed only to beat him and come out on top.
You were faster and more agile, but Namjoon was by far stronger. You almost wanted to dispute the scoring system; what use was strength for a pilot? You weren’t soldiers. He needed fast reflexes and precision, not fighting skills or the ability to deadlift two hundred pounds. Was he planning on picking up planes and throwing them at the alien ships? It was so stupid.
The second month of bootcamp, you were the top of the class, and Namjoon was second place now. You smiled smugly to yourself and kept your eyes focused forward, staying perfectly at attention like the other cadets, but you could feel his eyes on you and almost sense his focused anger, that same emotion you’d felt when he’d first beaten you.
After the ranking announcements, you went to combat training in the gym, but your instructor called out both your name and Namjoon’s before you could even get started.
“I want the two of you to spar,” the instructor said as the two of you ran up. “No rules, just fighting. You can use boxing, wrestling, martial arts, whatever you want — just don’t kill each other.”
You narrowed your eyes at Namjoon, almost expecting him to refuse to fight you, for being a girl. Besides occasional glares, the two of you had never so much as said a word to each other, but you figured smug alpha male assholes were all the same.
But instead, Namjoon smiled and said, “All right.” He almost seemed eager to get in the ring and teach you a lesson.
Now, you eyed him from across the ring, how he was watching you with a smug little smirk as he wrapped his knuckles.
“To win, pin the other person’s back to the mat for five full seconds,” your instructor said carefully. “Their back has to fully touch the ground, not just shoulders. They don’t have to be conscious to be pinned.”
You and Namjoon made eye contact at that.
“Whoever wins doesn’t have to run laps next week. Loser runs double laps before eating. You both ready?”
You and Namjoon ended up drawing a crowd of spectators.
The moment the instructor said start, you ran, jumped, and wrapped your legs around his head, twisting and throwing him to the ground so that he was on his back and you stood over his head, smirking down at his stupid surprised face.
He’d hit the mat hard, the breath completely knocked out of him. A few people in the crowd murmured quietly to themselves and quietly asked each other if the fight was already over. You let out a shaky breath, letting yourself feel proud for a split second as you glanced at the spectators, but before you could register what was happening, Namjoon grabbed you by both your legs, making you twist and fall hard on your back, too.
You tried to crawl away from him, but he just pulled you under him by your legs, climbing on top of you and trying to hold you down with his hands. You arched your back as high as you could, touching the mat only with your shoulders and ass as Namjoon fought to grab your wrists. He was on top of you, straddling your abdomen and trying to keep you down without actually touching your chest, and you watched him bite his lip and heard him growl as he focused on not getting hit while you thrashed beneath him.
You brought your leg up and kneed his kidney as hard as you could, making him groan before moving back to pin your legs down too. You could now easily keep your back fully off the mat, but he was straddling you much lower now, bending over you and still trying to grab your arms. This close, you could smell him, his sweat and masculine scent mixed with the cheap soap you all were given, and you had to push aside the fact you kind of liked the way he smelled.
You were panting hard, your chest rising and falling rapidly with each deep breath. You watched Namjoon as he glanced down at your breasts, before his eyes snapped back up at your face, his eyes wide as if he were surprised he’d let himself look.
“Having fun?” you teased, smirking up at him.
“Tons,” he growled, finally catching one of your hands and pinning it down by your wrist.
You hooked your leg up as far as you could, wrapping it around him and using his close proximity to your advantage. This seemed to catch Namjoon very off guard, and you felt more than heard him make a noise in surprise as you essentially embraced him, not giving him any space to move or do anything as you pulled your hand free and wrapped all your limbs around him, hanging off of him like a leach.
Namjoon sat back on his knees, and you held onto him, your legs around his waist and arms around his shoulders, waiting for your moment to use his weight against him and throw him on his back. He was squirming and wearing himself out, while you just squeezed him, hard enough you heard something in him crack.
“What are you doing?” he grumbled, trying to pry you off of him. Before you could answer, he grabbed you by your hair and jerked your head backwards, making you gasp and cry out. He started to force you off by getting his hands between your bodies, but you surprised him, grabbing his throat with both hands and squeezing.
Namjoon forcefully brought his hands down on your arms, bending them so that you let go of his neck, and now you were much closer to his face, nearly nose to nose as he still sat there on his knees with you hanging off of him. He held your wrists with both hands now as you tried to struggle free from him, and when you realized you couldn’t, you twisted one wrist, bringing his hand up to your mouth and biting down as hard as you could on the meat of his thumb.
He yelped and let go of you, but before you could use the moment to your advantage, he grabbed you and pushed you off of him, throwing you down away from him while he scrambled back and looked at his hand.
Your body bounced as you hit the mat, rolling a few times until you slammed against the edge of the ring. Namjoon was back on you before you could react, and you felt him behind you, trying to roll you over so he could pin you down on your back again. You brought your head back hard and connected with his nose, making him jump back again.
When you looked back at him, Namjoon was standing across the ring, holding his nose and glaring at you as you jumped to your feet too.
You circled each other for a moment, both closely watching the other’s every move like prey.
His nose was bleeding heavily, both of you out of breath and covered in sweat. You were pretty sure you had a bruised rib from him throwing you, your lungs burning from exertion from the fight. Everyone who’d been in the gym was now watching, none of them speaking as the two of you circled each other.
You ran at each other at the same time, Namjoon throwing a swing that you easily ducked. While his momentum was off, you punched him hard in the stomach, making him bend over in pain.
He was being sloppy, maybe distracted from his pain and anger, or maybe he was just more of a big clumsy oaf who relied on strength alone than you’d thought. You knew he was smart based on his test scores, but none of that appeared to translate to agility or finesse. He was fighting clumsy and angry, but you only felt more focused now, catching yourself smiling as you almost enjoyed yourself.
When you tried to strike him again, moving to hit your elbow between his shoulders while he was bent over, he turned and reached up, grabbing your neck with both hands. You broke his hold easily, and used that moment to bring your hand up and smack his injured nose.
Namjoon groaned in pain, holding his nose again. You grabbed his free hand, twisting it until he turned around and fell to his knees, yelling in pain, his arm bent painfully behind his back. You now stood behind him, Namjoon unable to move unless he wanted you to break or dislocate his arm, you on your feet with him on his knees.
“Do you forfeit?” you said, pulling his arm up another inch and making him hiss in pain. You could see how much he was sweating and panting, and ignored the way it sent a shiver of lust through you.
“You play dirty,” he seethed. Just standing close to him, you could feel the way heat radiated off of him. You’d noticed before that he was a sweaty guy, but now he was shining with it.
“I seem to remember being told that there were no rules for this fight,” you said, smiling proudly to yourself as you held the large man in place with one hand.
Instead of responding, Namjoon threw himself backwards into you, knocking you off your feet. You were on your back now and he was on his back on top of you, pinning you there. He had to have at least pulled his arm out of socket doing that move, and his body tensed from the pain, but he didn’t stop.
Namjoon pushed down with his shoulders as hard as he could, arching his back and standing up on his feet, bending his legs to put even more weight on just his shoulders to trap you there under him. You were crushed by him, barely able to breathe, let alone keep yourself fully off the mat.
He was so big and heavy, his shoulders wide enough to pin your arms down. You did the only thing you could think to do in the moment, what you hoped would give you an advantage again. You leaned in and bit down where his shoulder met his neck, the same side his arm was dislocated, and you bit down hard.
Namjoon yelped in surprise and pain, and you wrapped your arms around him in a chokehold so that when he tried to roll away, you went with him. He twisted in your arms until he was on top of you, facing you again, and this time you brought your knee up hard between his legs, his eyes closing as he groaned in agony.
You easily pushed him off and got on top of him, straddling his chest and pinning him down. Your knees pressed your full weight down on his biceps, including his injured arm, which made him groan in pain with every harsh exhale. He arched his back and tried to push you off of him, but he could barely move or reach you, his arms both pinned outward.
“Tired of getting your ass kicked yet?” you goaded, raising an eyebrow when Namjoon glared up at you. “How were you ever the top of our class? This is a little too easy.”
“Fuck you,” he growled, seething hard, blood all over his mouth and chin from his broken nose. His back still wasn’t technically on the ground though, so you needed to think of a way to make him stay down.
You were straddling his chest, so you moved your hips forward suddenly before throwing your whole body back, slamming yourself down hard and completely knocking the wind out of him. You simultaneously knocked him down so that his back was against the mat, and purposefully hit the back of your head against his crotch, which had to still be hurting from when you’d just kneed him a minute ago, so that he wouldn’t have the strength to get himself back up for a few seconds. You heard what you thought was a crack, which you really hoped wasn’t his crotch, before you heard and felt him groaning in pain.
The instructor counted out, and you won. You immediately jumped off of him and looked down at the damage.
Blood covered Namjoon’s chin, mouth, and neck, all from his nose wound, which you’d smacked more than once. He was bleeding from the bite on his neck, and his shoulder did not look right, pulled painfully out of socket and potentially broken. He rolled onto his side away from you and moaned, the hand of his arm that wasn’t dislocated over his crotch as he curled up in a ball on the ground.
“You all right?” you asked cautiously, stepping out of the way as the instructor rushed in to help him. Namjoon held up his middle finger to you, closing his eyes as he tried to breathe steadily.
You snorted in amusement and went off to the locker room to shower.
That night, Namjoon limped into dinner.
You were sitting by yourself at a table near the back, reading a book written by a pilot from before the attacks. Namjoon sat down across from you, as if sitting together was something the two of you normally did.
His nose was badly bruised and taped up, definitely broken. Judging by the limp he’d come in with, you’d messed up something below deck. His arm seemed to have been popped back in socket, but you could see the bruising spreading over his collarbone under his t-shirt, and his arm was in a sling. He had bite marks on his neck and hand, and the one on his neck had needed stitches.
You tried not to smile to yourself.
“Y/L/N?” he asked, like he wasn’t sure of your name, like you two weren’t rivals constantly competing and you hadn’t kicked his ass a few hours ago.
“Kim,” you said, returning the formality.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, so you went back to eating, trying not to look over at him. He rested his non-injured hand on his stomach, and you wondered if you’d broken one of his ribs or if he was just hungry.
“You planning on eating?” you asked him after a moment.
Namjoon actually smiled, laughing to himself weakly.
“I don’t think I even have the energy to walk across the room to get food,” he murmured, his voice a little deeper than usual.
Without a word, you stood, walking straight across the room to get another plate of food. When you returned and placed it in front of him, he looked up at you with wide eyes, confused and shocked by your gesture.
“Do you need me to cut it up for you, too?” you teased, though glancing at his arm, you wondered if he’d actually need that.
Namjoon shook his head after a moment, glancing down at his plate.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. You saw a small, genuine smile on his lips, and you realized then for the very first time that he had dimples.
III.
The following week came, as did Namjoon’s punishment week for losing the sparring match. The first morning, you noticed him waking up earlier than everyone else to go start his laps, since he had to do double. You quickly got dressed and followed.
You ran up beside him as he slowly jogged around the track.
“What are you doing?” He looked over at you, furrowing his brow but not stopping.
“Running laps,” you answered flatly.
You ran the same number of laps as he did that morning, despite having won the right not to run this week. Namjoon, you learned, had a broken rib and pulled groin in addition to all the other stuff you’d done to him, and he’d been given an out and didn’t have to run any laps after all. Your instructor had told him that he needed to focus on healing and not accidentally hurt himself more. He didn’t have to do combat training or anything else physical until he was healed, but he still ran his punishment laps anyway, completely by choice, and so you ran them too, matching his pace the entire time, neither of you saying a word to the other.
Despite getting his ass kicked in the sparring match, the rest of the cadets viewed Namjoon as almost a superhero after that. They respected how well he’d taken a beating; he was the guy who kept fighting, even with half a dozen injuries and multiple broken bones. You were the only one who’d been able to best him, using just your speed to outwit him, and now the rest of the class respected you both even more. Namjoon was a nearly unstoppable tank, and you were the lithe fox that beat him.
As boot camp continued, you and Namjoon continued your quiet friendship, neither of you the overly gushy or warm type, both focused only on training. You studied together, and started helping each other instead of competing. Both of you only improved your scores and times.
Namjoon helped you with your physical training, helping you get stronger. You helped him with his marksmanship, precision, and speed. You regularly sparred and fought and pushed each other further. You studied together, fought together, ate together, did everything together.
The first year of Corps ended, and you entered the second year. This was more specialized, focused on specifically becoming a pilot with more time on flight training instead of physical and military training, which you still definitely had a lot of.
Your class was smaller now, but you still slept in a co-ed barrack. You and Namjoon picked spots next to each other this year.
One night during winter break, almost everyone else had gone home for the week, the two of you essentially having the base to yourselves. It was well past midnight and after lights out, but you and Namjoon laid in your beds talking quietly, both on your sides facing each other. You only had about a foot of space between your beds, and you could just barely make out his face in the dark.
Namjoon told you that he remembered the attacks, losing his family, everything. He’d had a sister too, and had lived in a suburb, not one of the cities. He didn’t explain further, but said that he remembered what happened to his family, and that he’d been found in the woods by himself weeks later. He’d only been seven years old at the time, and you wondered how the hell he’d made it on his own for so long.
You got the feeling he was used to being on his own, and didn’t let himself get attached to anything or anyone. Part of you wanted to reach out and touch him, put your hand on his shoulder and tell him he didn’t have to be alone anymore. But instead you sighed, ignoring the way his sad eyes made your heart ache.
IV.
Your second year turned into your third, and you and Namjoon only became closer. You both planned to go on to a fourth year of training, even though it wasn’t required, as it would give you higher credentials and clearance when you finished. Both of you still strived to be perfect, after all.
Halfway through your third year together, you realized Namjoon was the closest thing you had to family. You both saw each other pretty much every moment of every day. You both didn’t leave the base for holidays, so the longest you’d been apart since first meeting was a few hours, at most.
You were constantly together, even when you didn’t need to be. You woke up early and ran laps, even though you were no longer required to — only first year cadets ran laps, but you both continued because… you didn’t know why, and you didn’t question it. You loved running with him.
That first year together, Namjoon had been stoic and quiet. He didn’t talk much, unless directly questioned, and even then he kept his answers as concise as possible. You weren’t exactly talkative, but when the two of you talked to each other alone, especially in the past few years, Namjoon began coming out of his shell. When he wasn’t guarded and quiet, he was warm and funny, almost loving in his own kind of way. You got the feeling he was naturally full of love, but had pushed that part of himself down in the years he’d spent alone and in shelters.
Now, you were giving Namjoon a haircut. His hair grew weirdly fast, and there were rules about keeping everything, including hair, perfectly in uniform. Men had to have very short hair and be clean-shaven, which meant Namjoon had to get a haircut basically every other week.
When it was warm you did this outside, but now it was winter and you were in the locker room. While you worked, you talked about upcoming tests and other little things. You kept catching Namjoon looking up at you as you stood in front of him, between his spread legs, and he seemed to be getting bolder, watching your face outright instead of just stealing glances.
“Close your eyes and tilt your head back,” you mumbled, trying to hide the fact you were blushing and flustered. Namjoon listened without a word, and you let yourself look at him for just a second; your faces were close, even with him sitting and you standing, because of how tall he was. You’d been obsessed with his lips lately, finding yourself fantasizing about them at the most inopportune times, thinking about how soft and full they looked and wondering what they’d feel like against your own.
Before you could pull yourself from your thoughts and start on the front of his hair, the power suddenly cut out.
You let out a small gasp, but this wasn’t exactly surprising around here. The power went out often because of the testing they were doing with switching over completely to alien tech for larger power structures. Still, you’d gasped in surprise because you’d been so focused on Namjoon’s face, and now the two of you were alone together in a dark locker room.
“Are you okay?” Namjoon asked, his hands coming up to rest on your hips.
Of course you were okay; the lights had just gone off.
“Yeah,” you answered anyway. You moved your hands from over his head to his shoulders, feeling him in the dark.
“It’ll be back on in a second, we’re okay,” he said, his thumbs moving slightly, like he was trying to comfort you.
“I know,” you said, your voice sounding small. You weren’t afraid at all, but you didn’t want him to stop what he was doing.
The lights came back on then, and you looked down at him. Namjoon smiled up at you, dimples on full display, and it nearly took your breath away. He had a little piece of cut hair on his cheek, which you gently brushed away, and he wrinkled his nose at you, making your heart ache.
You finished giving him his haircut, and afterwards he pulled off his shirt and went over to one of the showers, to wash off the pieces of hair you’d cut. You gathered up the electric razor and your other belongings while you heard him undressing behind you, turning on the shower and humming happily to himself.
You stopped yourself from looking at him as you walked out of the room and went back to the barracks, refusing to let yourself think about him showering or the way he’d looked at you.
VI.
Your last year of training was mostly just the two of you working together and with various superior officers. You’d get promotions and rank changes after some time in the field, but you’d start out as Senior Airmen, and would probably both make Staff Sergeant within a few years of graduating. There were no wars or active duty anymore, but it meant you’d both be given leadership positions, if ever the need arose.
After graduation, you and Namjoon would both receive your assignments and placements. You’d both requested to be placed together, without requesting anything else. You could be sent anywhere in the world, given any position; you didn’t care where you ended up though, as long as you were with him.
Since it was your last year, you were both given proper rooms instead of barracks. The rooms were small and minimal, but your room was right across from Namjoon’s. You spent a lot of time in each other’s rooms, even sometimes sleeping over.
Now, you laid on Namjoon’s bed in his room, while he sat at the chair by his desk with his feet propped up on the end of his bed. He was playing with a stress ball, passing it back and forth between his hands. You’d finished all your testing and training, so you were both basically just resting until graduation, anticipating your placements. It was late at night, the rest of the base quiet and sleeping.
“Dream placement,” you said, turning your head and pointing at him. “Go.”
“Oh, man…” Namjoon rolled his head back, looking at the ceiling. “Southern California.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “What’s in Southern California, besides desert?”
“That’s the closest base to where the first ship went down. They’ve got the best tech out there, the best planes.”
“Okay, true,” you sighed. “But there’s nothing out there for miles. There’d be nothing to do.”
“What else is there, besides flying?” Namjoon threw the little ball he was playing with gently so it bounced off the wall beside you and landed on your stomach.
“I like flying and being able to see something besides sand, rock, and craters for hundreds of miles,” you said, tossing the ball back to him.
“You feel like you’re going faster if you don’t have anything to look at,” he said, catching the ball with one hand and tossing it behind him onto his desk.
“You also get lost easier,” you laughed, propping yourself up on your elbows.
“Not if you’re a good navigator,” Namjoon laughed too, standing up and moving onto the bed with you. He wasn’t exactly tickling you, but he was touching your body and you were both giggling as he laid down beside you.
“If you want to feel like you’re going fast, then just go fast,” you said, your hands on his shoulders now as you grinned up at him. He was partially on top of you, partially beside you as he smiled down at you, his mouth so close to yours.
“I want to go even faster,” he said, but he stilled suddenly, looking down at you with wide eyes. He seemed to have suddenly realized the position the two of you were in, and he moved so that he was just beside you, laying on his side as you laid on your back.
You sighed. It was always like this — not that you were complaining, because you loved the relationship you already had with him. But lately, you’d get so close, almost kissing, almost embracing, almost something, and then he’d back off. You still loved the moments before, where you could forget that you were just friends and pretend you were something more, as much as it ended up hurting your heart in the long run.
Even now, you loved this. Namjoon propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at you as you continued talking, a different topic now. Your mouths were only a few inches apart. It would be so easy for him to just lean down and kiss you, like you wanted him to so badly.
Namjoon’s hand that wasn’t supporting his head rested on your stomach. You put your hands there too, playing with him, feeling his long fingers and how big his hand was, and Namjoon let you, pretending not to notice.
You talked about graduation plans, life plans, little nothings that made each other sadly smile. Neither of you said it, but you both worried you wouldn’t be placed together.
“What’s your dream placement?” he asked you gently, his voice soft.
“You know, I don’t even care,” you said. Because it didn’t matter where they put you as long as you were with him, but you didn’t say that.
That night the two of you fell asleep like that, in that position. It wasn’t the first time.
VII.
When you woke up, you could feel Namjoon’s gentle breathing on your neck. You turned your head and looked at him, studying his expression in the early morning calm.
He was still on his side facing you, so now you were face-to-face, your foreheads and noses only a few inches apart. His hand still rested on your stomach, and you still held his hand there with both of your hands. You felt his fingers twitch a little in his sleep and wondered what he was dreaming about. His other arm was under the pillow now, and through it you could almost feel the swell of his bicep and warmth of his skin.
You only ever let yourself really look at him like this when he was sleeping, when the two of you had sleepovers in each other’s rooms. You studied the shape of his nose, the way his big, plush lips parted, the puffiness of his cheeks as he relaxed and breathed, every freckle and mole on his face that you wanted to kiss so badly. Cuddled up with him like this, you could feel how warm he was; Namjoon was a furnace of a man, and you’d gotten so used to sharing a bed with him the past few months, you now had to layer up and sleep with an extra blanket whenever you slept alone.
Namjoon sighed then, shifting a little in his sleep. You quickly closed your eyes and turned your head back so you weren’t facing him directly, in case he opened his eyes.
You felt him moving, shifting so that his arm was hugging you instead of his hand just resting on you. His hand was now on your side, below your armpit, his thumb on the side of your breast. He sighed and seemed to fall back asleep, softly snoring again after a few moments.
You laid like that for a while, enjoying this feeling, knowing you’d never have this for real. You'd never wake up next to Namjoon in the context you wanted, but this was more than enough for you. You were so in love with him, but he didn’t see you the same way, so you’d enjoy waking up in his arms for as long as you could.
When Namjoon eventually woke up on his own, he seemed to slowly realize the position you were in, moving his hand down carefully to more platonic territory. You opened your eyes and turned your head to look at him, and were caught off guard by the way he was staring at you so openly, looking down at your mouth for a few moments before looking back at your eyes with an expression you couldn’t name.
“Y/N,” he murmured, so softly you could barely hear him, but you could feel the rumble of it in his chest. You didn’t say anything, both of you just looking at each other in the peaceful quiet stillness of early morning, the only noises both of your gentle breathing.
Namjoon moved his hand up to your shoulder, and then his hand was cupping your cheek, brushing your hair back from your face. The tips of your noses were almost touching, his warm breath on your lips. He closed his eyes and put his forehead against yours, your heart almost stopping in your chest from how close he was. He’s never done anything like this before, and you definitely were not going to stop him.
He turned his head slightly, your foreheads still connected as the tip of his nose skimmed along your cheek, by your nose. He brushed his lips against yours so lightly you could barely feel him, his eyes still closed. You could feel his eyelashes tickling your cheek, and prayed he couldn’t feel how fast your heart was racing or how you nearly whimpered at his every touch.
Namjoon moved and brushed his barely parted lips against the corner of your mouth, your chin, your jaw. His hand on your cheek, he stroked your skin with his thumb slowly, touching you, feeling you. His leg moved up slowly, hooking over yours, and you spread your legs for him. You couldn’t even think straight right now, the only things your brain were processing were the touches and sensations Namjoon was giving you.
What the hell was he doing? The thought of him seeing you romantically, the same way you saw him, had seemed so impossible before now, but now, as he brushed his lips against your skin, you wondered if he’d been longing the same way you had.
Namjoon turned your head carefully, slightly away from him, so that you were looking directly up again. He kissed your cheek closer to him while he stroked the other, pressing gentle open-mouthed kisses down your face and neck as he slowly moved himself on top of you. You, matching his slow movements, wrapped your legs loosely around him and held onto his shoulders.
Namjoon kissed your skin as lightly as he could, feeling you anywhere you’d let him, and you were lost in him. He switched to your other side, kissing your collarbone and neck and jaw, and one of his hands moved up behind your head, tangling in your hair. Every movement was slow and deliberate and gentle.
You never would’ve guessed Namjoon was the gentle type, but now that this was happening, it made sense and you craved it. He closed his lips lightly against your earlobe and you gasped loudly, trying to arch up against him.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against your ear. “So soft, so perfect, my angel, my love.” His voice was so warm and deep, and you quietly whimpered, holding onto his shoulders even tighter. You felt like he could make you come just from this, just from his light touches and hearing his deep voice praise you. You'd wanted him so badly for years now, you’d dreamed about him, fantasized nonstop, and now here he was, and the tension was already building up for you.
He hadn’t even fully kissed your mouth yet. Namjoon pressed his lips against your cheek, caressing the other side of your face with his hand, just holding your body so close to his. You swore you could die right now and be fine with that.
An alarm suddenly blared, and both of your bodies stilled and tensed.
Namjoon jumped off of you and sat back on his legs, looking around the room like he was expecting to see what was happening written on the walls. You sat up too, looking around. Your legs were still spread, your brain still hazy from Namjoon’s kisses, and you looked at him as you saw him working through what was happening.
“Something’s wrong,” Namjoon said, quickly jumping up. He sat back down on the side of his bed long enough to put on his shoes. “Come on,” he said, pulling you up when he stood again.
You snapped yourself out of your lust-haze. The alarm was still going off, which meant something major was happening right now. It wasn’t just a test.
You left, quickly scampering across the hall to your own room so you could get dressed.
You and Namjoon met up in between your rooms a moment later, both in uniform, and ran down together to where the rest of the base had gathered, Namjoon taking your hand in his as you ran.
VIII.
It was another attack, like when you were young.
You all stood there at attention receiving orders, none of you looking anywhere except forward blankly. This was it, everything you had trained for, the exact reason you’d trained so hard. They were back.
You and Namjoon were both assigned as squadron leaders to two different units, Namjoon to Red One and you to Blue One. Those were two of the best, most elite units of fighter jets, but you looked over at him when you got your assignments. You weren’t together, so you wouldn’t know if he was okay until after it was all over.
You were all dismissed and had fifteen minutes to get to your planes and prepare for launch. You went straight to your plane, not stopping to talk to Namjoon. You knew you wouldn’t be able to leave him once you looked at him, so it was better to just pretend this morning hadn’t happened.
You were just starting to climb the ladder up to your plane when you heard his voice.
“Not saying goodbye?”
You froze in your tracks, but didn’t turn or look at him. You couldn’t make yourself say anything, instead just staring straight in front of you with your hands on the rungs of the ladder.
“Y/N,” he said, his voice much softer now as he walked over to you. The planes were close together so you were in tight quarters, and he stood right behind you, his hands not quite touching your sides.
“What?” you said, not looking back at him.
“Please don’t leave without saying goodbye,” he said. You'd never heard his voice like this. Quiet, pleading, loving. It was like this morning in bed, but more desperate, yearning, begging you to look at him.
You started to move up the ladder without turning around, and he put his hands on your hips, stopping you. He immediately let go, not wanting to trap you there.
You sighed and turned around to face him, only partially, still a step up on the ladder so you were just slightly taller than him. You reached back and held onto the ladder with one hand as you looked at him.
When you saw the expression on his face, it took your breath away. He looked almost tearful, sick with worry, trying to be stronger than how he obviously felt.
“Goodbye,” you said softly, bringing your free hand up to his cheek.
He stood there for a moment, just looking at you. You stroked his cheek with your thumb and tried to smile weakly. His hair was getting a little long, you noticed then for some reason. He was supposed to keep it short to stay in uniform, but now it looked long enough for you to run your fingers through.
Namjoon’s eyes were wide and innocent, searching your face. Around you, the base was chaotic and busy as other pilots ran to their planes and officers barked out orders and engines started up. The two of you just stood there in your quiet moment, both a lot less excited about your first mission than you’d thought you’d be, everything happening so much sooner then you’d both thought and on such a larger scale than you ever could have anticipated. You remembered almost wanting this when you were young, promising yourself that you’d be ready if they ever came back. Maybe the universe was punishing you; whenever you loved someone, the universe immediately sought to take it from you. Your family when you were young, and now Namjoon.
He looked like he wanted to kiss you or tell you something. He parted his lips and glanced at your mouth, his brow furrowing as he breathed, and he looked back up at your eyes, his expression so worried.
“I’ll see you soon,” you said, smiling gently.
You turned and climbed up into your plane without another word.
V.
There had been twenty pilots in your squadron when you left, and four when you returned.
You didn’t really remember the aliens from when you were little, but you’d seen countless videos. You knew what they looked like, how they performed, what their technology was supposed to be like, what their weaknesses had been.
You saw so many planes go down. The alien ship had a different defense than last time, and the fight was only over when the alien ship suddenly left and moved on, seemingly just because it wanted to, not because the humans posed any kind of threat to it. When it left, it had taken out an entire city, just like last time. The town near the base had only recently gotten its infrastructure set up.
You and your three surviving pilots returned first out of all the other squadrons. You quickly climbed out of your plane and ran down to the hangar, asking about the other pilots still out there. You needed to know if Namjoon was okay.
Before you even got to the hangar, another alarm started blaring. A plane near you exploded, and you spun around, looking up at the sky.
There had to be over a hundred alien ships in the sky, all firing on the base and the planes.
“Get inside, now!” you yelled, pointing at the pilots from your squadron who’d ducked down near their planes. You knew the base had a bunker, and the number of people at the base now could easily survive down there long-term.
There was panic as people got down there as fast as they could, all climbing over each other and yelling. You stayed back where you could see the sky, ducking down in a safe spot and watching as long as you could. You only saw alien ships, none of your own.
You imagined Namjoon’s last seconds. If he hadn’t made it back to the base, there was no way he’d survive. The ships would find him. You could only see the planes you’d seen exploding earlier, hear the voices of the pilots in your squadron on your coms as their ships exploded. A cut-off shout, and then nothing.
You finally made yourself run down to the bunker. In the distance, you could hear the ships destroying every visible part of the base, every last truck and car and plane and tank exploding as the blasts hit them. The walls shook and lights flickered and dust fell from the ceiling as you made your way down the stairwell to the bunker.
Over the destruction above you, you could hear Namjoon’s voice that morning in his bed, the world frozen around you then, the only things that mattered his large, gentle hands, his slow, exploring mouth, and his soft voice.
“You’re so beautiful,” he’d breathed against your neck. You'd been able to feel his smile, the tip of his nose tracing your jaw, the warmth of his breath on your skin. You'd never felt safer than when you were laying in bed with him.
You pushed the door of the bunker shut behind you, your hands shaking and eyes welling up. You could not think about this; you had to push all of that aside for now. You had a job to do.
After about five minutes down in the bunker, the lights went out. The weak backup generator kicked on near-immediately, but now there was no connection to the outside world. If any pilots managed to survive this long, the base wouldn’t know about it or have any way of contacting them.
When you’d taken off, both you and Namjoon had been promoted to captains, to lead your squadrons. Once all of the remaining people at the base were down in the bunker and accounted for, you were promoted again, this time to major.
Almost everyone out of the thousand or so people on the base had gone out to fight. The only people who’d stayed behind were ground control officers, technicians, first years, civilians who worked on the base, and the top few people in charge. There were maybe a few hundred people down in the massive bunker now, and you ranked sixth in command out of all of them.
Namjoon would’ve been so jealous you outranked him, you thought with a small smile.
VI.
Four days passed with no news.
There was no service. There was no internet, radio, or any connection to the outside world.
You were itching to get out. There was no news from the outside world, but there also hadn’t been any explosions since the first day. The alien ships had to be gone by now. On the second day, you’d tried to suggest to the general that you could go up to the surface and see if an evacuation could be planned, but the general and other officers had all said that there was no need to evacuate, because there were plenty of supplies down here. They would continue to work on regaining communications with other bases, and nothing else immediately mattered until then.
Now, you were on your cot, staring at the ceiling above you. It was the middle of the night and just about everyone else was asleep. Most people slept on cots in what looked like an old gym, all lined up in long rows. Everyone had been given two changes of clothes, all gray jumpsuits. You felt like you were in prison.
The scratchy wool blanket was pulled up to your neck. You tried to imagine sharing the cot with Namjoon, the two of you squeezed onto the spot only meant for one and giggling when you just barely fit. You imagined him spooning you, kissing your neck and shoulder and holding you close to him. You imagined feeling his heartbeat in his chest. You imagined his face when his plane exploded.
It wasn’t fair. You’d literally just become something more than friends, maybe, kind of. Your relationship with Namjoon meant everything to you, and it had suddenly been changing in such amazing ways, and then he’d immediately been taken from you.
You refused to cry about this. You refused to even accept he was gone. There were ways he could’ve survived. There had to be. He could’ve flown low and ejected and hidden in the rubble of the city. Except he wasn’t a coward; you knew him, and you knew he was the type to win or die fighting. He could’ve led other survivors away from the city. Except there was no way these planes could’ve outrun the alien ships. They weren’t fast enough.
There had to be a way. You had to get up to the surface and find out. You had to find him.
VII.
After one week down in the bunker, you felt like you were going out of your mind.
You had a plan. You were going to go to the surface whether they let you or not. You were going to find Namjoon, or at least the remains of his plane. You were going to find him or find closure.
You needed climbing gear to get up the destroyed stairwell. You’d need to find rope and gear, a lot of water, and survival supplies. You began your plan, looking around for spare supplies nobody would notice was missing until you were gone. You knew where to find rope, but you had to figure out how to acquire and carry enough water. Plus you would need to bring medical supplies, in case Namjoon was injured. God, you could just imagine him, laying somewhere, bleeding out and barely conscious. You wondered if he’d thought of you, imagined you coming to save him.
You were seconds away from stealing rope from a supply closet when a short little man walked around the corner.
“Major?”
You froze in place. You weren’t in the room yet; you were innocent.
“Yes?” you said, smiling politely.
“The general wants to see you,” he said, and left without adding anything else.
Shit. How had they known? You hadn’t done anything yet, or told anyone or written anything down.
You made your way to the command center. Not much was going on there in the way of commanding anything, but it was where the higher ups — which now included you — met, and it was where they were attempting to reestablish communications with the outside world.
The room was busy with officers buzzing around. There were a lot of exposed wires hanging out of the walls. It looked like they were rebuilding a computer system circa 1970.
“Major,” the general said, motioning you over.
“Yes, sir?”
“You’re the highest ranking field officer, so this goes to you first,” he said, handing you a manila folder. “We’ve established communication with a base a hundred and fifty miles from here, but only briefly. They said they have seven survivors from our base. They didn’t say who.” The general quickly added the last part when he saw your face light up at the mention of survivors.
You glanced down at the folder. Before you could speak, the general continued.
“We need someone — a pilot — to go up to the surface and see if any planes are still intact, and if so, fly to Walker Base. If there aren’t any planes left, we’ll probably have you try to find a car, or hike if you have to. We need to get our relay codes to that base, and once we do, we’ll have full communication with them again. You up for it?”
You looked up at the general, smiling.
VIII.
It took you about an hour to climb the staircase. Most of it was rubble and a lot of it involved throwing up a rope and securing it on something to climb the huge gaps where the stairs had fallen out, but you eventually got to the top, pushing aside debris to get yourself outside.
The base was gone. There was no way any planes survived this. Still, you walked out onto the strip, just in case.
Some of the piles of charred metal were still smoking. A few small fires were still going, most of them out in the lot, where jet fuel must still be feeding them. You tried to see if you could spot where your and Namjoon’s rooms used to be, but it was all just rubble, ash, and charred cinderblocks.
You walked down the landing strip, looking at the piles of scorched plane parts, blasted to nothing. Pieces of metal jutted up, a plane wing here, a part of engine there. Every pile you saw, you imagined seeing Namjoon’s body among them. You knew if he was dead, he wouldn’t be here, he’d be out in the city — but seeing all of the destroyed planes wasn’t helping.
You stopped in your tracks.
At the end of the landing strip, under a broken wing of a much larger plane, was the most beautiful F-15 Eagle you had ever seen.
You ran to it, climbing on it when you reached it and pushing aside the wing of the bigger plane until it clamored to the ground. You climbed into the cockpit, dropping your backpack with supplies and the relay codes into the little compartment, feeling nearly dizzy in euphoria. You prepped the jet for takeoff, everything going smoothly, and you imagined Namjoon’s face when you showed up at the base. He’d be so happy to see you, but so surprised, and when you told him that you got promoted to major–
You stopped for a moment, your smile falling as you stared blankly at your hands on the switches and dials.
You didn’t know if he was one of the survivors at the other base. You shouldn’t get your hopes up just to show up and find out he wasn’t one of the pilots who made it. For all you knew, you’d get there and one of the pilots from Namjoon’s squadron would tell you all about how he died.
You focused on the task in front of you. You were on a mission, first and foremost, to get the relay codes to the base. That was the important thing right now, not yourself or Namjoon.
You got the plane prepped and ready to go. The center of the runway was clear, since most of the planes had been gone.
F-15s were always your favorite.
IX.
You didn’t attract any alien attention while flying, thankfully. You got there in just over twenty minutes; around the fifteen minute mark, you slowed down and the base contacted you on your descent into their airspace. You had to identify yourself and state your intentions, but the base seemed completely willing to let anyone human land.
When you landed, a few people ran out and took care of your plane for you, as you were escorted inside. You handed over the relay codes and quickly asked if you could see the survivors from your base.
“Most of them were pretty shell-shocked when they got here, but they’re soldiers. They know how it is,” the officer escorting you said as the two of you walked. “How many survivors at your base?”
“Three hundred and forty-two,” you said flatly, staring straight in front of you as you walked. “We had four pilots including myself return, the rest were non-flight officers and civilians. No casualties on the ground, but the base was destroyed in an aerial attack shortly after we landed.”
“Yeah, we heard about that. That’s why we got your other pilots,” the guy said, motioning in front of him in the direction you were walking, assumedly at the surviving pilots. “They didn’t have anywhere to land and thought the base was gone, so they came here. All from different squadrons, but led by one captain.”
You perked up when you heard that. A captain had survived.
You really did try not to get your hopes up. Your base was huge; there were so many squadrons, only one captain surviving was not good news for Namjoon. Still, you were hopeful.
You were led to a barrack where a few pilots were sitting around together, all men looking bored out of their minds. You recognized Park from your training class, and a few others as well. You scanned their faces quickly, looking from person to person, desperately searching for him, frantic and anxious and despairing when you looked and didn’t see him–
“Y/N?” a voice said from behind you, and you spun around.
Namjoon had walked in behind you from the other direction; he looked like he’d just taken a shower, from the wet hair, clean clothes, and bag over his shoulder, which he dropped as he stared at you in disbelief.
Neither of you even said anything. You were only about ten feet apart already, but you immediately met in the middle, desperately grabbing at each other, hugging tightly. Your legs were up around his waist and he held you to him as he kissed all over your face. The room was spinning or maybe Namjoon was just spinning you around, you didn’t care, you just held onto him and tried to kiss him, one hand in his hair and the other arm around his shoulder, trying to pull him closer.
As much as you wanted and tried to kiss him, Namjoon was just too much; it was like he was trying to kiss every last millimeter of your face at least twice. He was holding you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe, but you didn’t even care. His skin, his hair, his mouth, his kisses were all the most amazing things you’d ever felt. You were pressed chest-to-chest, arms wrapped around each other, and you could almost feel his heartbeat pumping along with your own.
Namjoon stopped kissing you long enough to nuzzle against you, closing his eyes as he rubbed his cheek against yours, nearly animalistic.
“I missed you so much, my love,” he breathed. You swore his face was wet with tears, his cheek still pressed against your own. “I haven’t thought about anything other than you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you this whole time, I love you so much… god, fuck, when I thought I’d lost you…” He started kissing your cheek again desperately, his hand coming up to hold your other cheek and hold you in place.
“I missed you too,” you gasped, your voice small and high-pitched as you tried and failed to hold in your tears.
“I love you so much, sweetheart. I love you, I love you, I love you,” he kept repeating, not even stopping speaking as he kissed you, so some of his words were muffled.
“I love you, too, Joon,” you managed to say before he kissed your mouth, tilting his head to kiss you so deeply it took your breath away.
“Okay, Jesus Christ,” somebody else in the room said then. “Do you guys want us to, like, leave or something?”
Namjoon stopped, catching his breath as you turned your head to look back at the six other pilots and the officer all awkwardly watching you.
“Uh, sorry,” you muttered, putting your feet back on the ground and turning around. Namjoon kept touching you, not taking his hands off you, even as you faced the others.
“I know you both outrank us, but get a room,” a different pilot laughed, his smile boxy and voice deep.
“You have a room, actually,” the officer that led you in said, perking up like that was his cue.
“We do?” Namjoon asked, confused. He stood behind you, hands on your hips, tall enough to see over your head.
“She does,” the officer gestured to you. “She’s a major. All superior officers class O4 and up get their own private room.”
“Major?” Namjoon said, tilting a little to look at your face. You smiled to yourself smugly.
“I can take you there now,” the officer said, motioning to the door behind him.
Namjoon stepped to the side and looked down at the ground shyly, glancing up at you and pouting. You wanted to roll your eyes; he actually thought you weren’t going to invite him to come with you.
“You too,” you said, holding out your hand for him.
Namjoon beamed, and quickly picked up his bag and jogged over to what must be his bed, grabbing the few belongings he had, and shuffled back over to your side, taking your hand and kissing you on the cheek before following along with you.
“Go get it, captain,” one of the pilots jeered at him, the others all snickering and wolf-whistling as Namjoon dropped your hand long enough to flip all the other pilots off while the officer led the two of you out and down the hallway.
As soon as the door was shut behind you in your room, the officer gone and the two of you alone, Namjoon dropped his belongings and picked you up again, your legs tight around him, the two of you kissing again. You felt your back against the cold metal of the old-fashioned blast door, one of Namjoon’s hands holding your face.
“How’d you get here?” he murmured against your neck after a moment, kissing your cheek between gasps. “They said the base was destroyed, no contact.”
“The attack happened right after I landed. Everyone got down in the bunker, no casualties on the ground,” you gasped, still a little short on breath. As you spoke, Namjoon kissed your neck, working his way up to your jaw. “They needed a pilot to bring relay codes here.”
“What’s this about you being a major now?” he said, smirking, his lips not leaving your cheek.
“Got an upgrade while you were gone,” you said, and then you gasped, laughing as Namjoon suddenly sucked your skin over your pulse on your neck, leaving behind a deep purple hickey.
“Well, Miss Major, that means you outrank me now,” he said, leaning back enough to smile at you, his expression a mix of mischievous and proud.
He stepped backward then, still supporting you with his arms, and walked back until he got to the bed, sitting down on it. He laid back, pulling you down on top of him gently, your mouths connected the whole way down.
He was the best thing you’d ever felt, his large, firm body contrasting his gentle touches and kisses. You couldn’t get close enough to him, but it was slow, lazy, loving, everything you’d ever wanted with him, his soft tongue in your mouth, his firm arms around you, his warm body under you.
You couldn’t get over how good he smelled. There was the soap he’d just used, but you’d known him and been close to him long enough to know his scent. He tasted so good too; he swirled his tongue with yours slowly, tracing lazy patterns on your tongue, kissing you so deeply your head spun. His hands rested on your back, his fingers spreading wider as he tried to touch more of you.
You parted for air as he rolled you both, holding your body to his with one hand as he pulled you up the bed, resting your head on the pillow as he gently laid you down. Even though you would’ve only fallen a few inches and the bed was soft, he set you down like you were made of glass, looking down at you with love and hearts in his eyes, not breaking eye contact as he gave you a small, warm smile.
His dark hair was mussed up a little from you running your fingers through it, and it looked fantastic on him. His face was flushed and his parted lips were red and a little swollen, and he looked like he’d been crying, or was about to cry, or both.
You pulled him down to you and kissed him again. He set his body against yours, lining himself up with you as you wrapped your legs around him. You were both still fully clothed, but you could feel him, pressed perfectly against you from your collars to his growing erection and your throbbing core.
“I love you,” he groaned against your neck, grinding slowly against you. “I’ve loved you for so long, I wanted to die when I thought something happened to you and I never told you. I promise I’m going to tell you now, every single day, every time I see you, every time we make love, every second of every day–” He cut himself off by kissing your neck desperately, moving down toward your breast.
“I love you, my angel. You’re the most beautiful thing in the world, I love you so much,” he said, kissing along your skin frantically by the collar of your ugly flight jumpsuit. “You’re my best friend, and I love you, I love you, I love you,” he said, kissing up the center of your chest toward your clavicle. His messy hair tickled your chin, and you rested one of your hands on the back of his head as he worked, gently stroking his hair.
“I love you too,” you managed to say, though words weren’t really coming to you right now, with all Namjoon was doing to you.
Namjoon got up then, and you watched for a moment as he started quickly stripping off his clothes. You sat up too, pulling off your jumpsuit, and Namjoon got all but his boxers off before your arms were even out. He helped you, running his hands along your skin as you peeled off the jumpsuit, leaving you in just the undershirt and shorts you’d had on underneath.
There was a moment where the two of you just sat there looking at each other. You’d both seen each other in this context — nearly naked — before, from sleeping in the same room to swimming to other random things you’d done together over the years, but this was the first time it was ever like this.
Namjoon raised his hands slowly, his fingers just barely skimming against your hips. His eyes were on your breasts, his mouth nearly watering, and you smiled at that. He looked up at you, his eyes innocent and showing every emotion he had within him; he was asking for permission.
You brought your hand up to his face and kissed him slowly, savoring every movement of his lips, the feel of his tongue, the taste of him. His hands went to your thighs and helped you wrap your legs around him, and then you were laying down again, Namjoon on top of you.
He kissed down your chest, this time simultaneously running one of his hands up your stomach under your thin undershirt. He cupped your breast with that hand, feeling you fully, while his mouth kissed back up to your neck. He got your undershirt off without either of you having to get up, though he did have to lean back a little to give you room to wiggle around, and then he unhooked your bra and threw that and your undershirt somewhere behind him.
Namjoon swirled his tongue around one of your nipples, gently squeezing your other breast with his hand, your peaked nipple hard against his palm. He rolled one nipple between his thumb and forefinger slowly while sucking the other, just barely using teeth and making you gasp, and then he switched sides, doing the same thing again.
“That feels so good, Joonie,” you sighed, closing your eyes and smiling to yourself. You stroked his hair while he worked, closing your eyes and tilting your head back. Every moment or so, you’d let out a moan for him, tightening your fingers in his hair whenever he did something that made you see stars, and he’d hum back to you, responding without taking his mouth off you.
Namjoon moved down your abdomen, kissing every rib, every freckle, every last inch of your skin. He dipped his tongue into your belly button and you gasped and giggled, feeling his grin against your skin as he kissed down your navel, his tongue tracing along the edge of the little shorts you still had on.
You reached down and tried to pull off your shorts, but Namjoon’s hands replaced your own, slowly pulling just your shorts off and leaving your panties. He tossed your shorts the same direction he’d tossed your bra, and then looked down at you, sitting back on his legs. Your legs were spread wide, your soaked panties the only thing covering you, your eyes desperate for him, your breasts rising and falling as your breath quickened in anticipation and need for him.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his expression almost dazed in love and adoration. He looked like he didn’t know where to look, his eyes scanning your face, your breasts, your spread thighs, the spot on your panties where you were already wet and soaking for him. You bit your lip and whimpered, and he closed his eyes, sighing and smiling to himself, like he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
Namjoon bent over and kissed your ankle, slowly, chastely. He moved to the other side and repeated that, kissing your anklebone. He moved up your calf, staying on that side, kissing you over and over and moving so slowly you started to whine for him, begging him to go faster and reaching down for him. He reached up and took one of your hands, holding it and lacing your fingers together as he continued what he was doing, not at all speeding up.
He kissed your knee, the side of it, the front of it, and tilting your leg gently to kiss the back of it. He moved up, kissing your inner thigh while still holding your hand. You spread your legs further for him, whimpering and squeezing his hand as he got closer and closer to your center.
Namjoon pulled back then, a smug smile on his face as he started moving down to kiss his way up your other leg, starting again at your ankle. You let out a whiney moan, pulling his hand and looking down at him, pleading.
“Okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry,” he said gently, moving back to where you wanted him most.
He kissed you right over your panties, a deep, open-mouthed kiss that made you cry out. You could feel him breathing hard through his nose, smelling and inhaling you as he moved his mouth against you, letting go of your hand so he could hold your thighs with both his large, perfect hands.
He licked and sucked the fabric of your panties, tasting where you were soaked for him. It was the most amazing thing you’d ever felt, and you spread your legs even further for him, your hands holding onto the sheets of the bed, your knuckles turning white.
You gasped when you felt teeth, and then Namjoon was slowly pulling your panties down your legs with his mouth, looking up at you with playful eyes and a smirk. You wanted to roll your eyes at him, but instead just closed your legs enough for him to get your panties off of you, letting him have his fun. He let out a small growl at you, your panties still in his mouth, and you giggled, a soft noise that made his eyes light up.
Before you could think or do anything, Namjoon was back between your legs, spreading you open with his fingers and licking a slow, thick line up your folds to your clit.
You cried out, your head falling back and eyes squeezing closed. Namjoon repeated the motion, even slower this time, moaning a little too as he let the tip of his tongue enter you for just a moment. You whined, pulling his hair hard and trying to spread your legs even further, and Namjoon stopped, humming softly as he turned his head and kissed your thigh.
“I love you so fucking much,” Namjoon murmured against your skin, kissing you there again. “Your pussy’s so pretty, my love. So soft and wet for me.”
“Joonie,” you sighed, stroking his hair. You could feel his smile against your thigh, and it made you smile, too. You felt warm, like you were glowing from his love.
Namjoon turned his head back and dipped his tongue into you again, this time further, like he was trying to see how far he could go. His lips sucked at your entrance as his tongue flicked in and out, not fast enough to get you off, but not slow, either. He moved his tongue like he was trying to drink you, lapping you up, bringing your wetness into his mouth and down his throat.
You moaned loudly for him, pulling his face harder against you by his hair, and he reached up and grabbed one of your hands, lacing his fingers with yours over one of your thighs.
He moved his mouth up to your clit, drawing random shapes over it with the tip of his tongue lazily while he curled two fingers into you. He moved clumsily, like he wasn’t exactly sure of what he was doing but just wanted to make you feel good, and what he was doing was definitely working. What he lacked in experience he more than made up for in eagerness and love, and when he moaned around your clit, and you nearly screamed.
“Jesus Christ, Joon, fuck. God, your mouth is… mmm, god, you’re so fucking good, that feels so good, Joonie, Joonie–” You cut yourself off with a long, agonized cry as Namjoon sucked your clit into his mouth hard, swirling his tongue around it as he suctioned his mouth and moved his fingers inside you faster. You repeated a chorus of nothing but his name between breathy moans as you held onto his hair with your free hand, your other hand squeezing his.
You gasped when you came, your whole body tensing as you saw stars and every nerve in your body exploded in pleasure. Your mouth hung open in a silent scream as you failed to breathe, your lungs tightening and your orgasm only building and building as Namjoon kept moving his tongue and fingers. You felt like you were floating in space, millions of stars around you all bursting at once, the entire universe stopping for you and Namjoon and the love you felt for each other.
After a moment, you took in a shaky breath, trying to recover while your mind was still mush. Namjoon was still moving his mouth on you, now licking up your wetness at your entrance and moaning to himself at the taste. If he kept that up, you were going to come again, and soon.
You moaned, pulling on his hair enough for him to look up at you, not stopping what his mouth was doing. You pleaded with your eyes, whimpering and pulling his hair again, and he put his lips to your entrance one last time, this time spreading his lips as wide as possible and sucking as he slowly closed his mouth. You gasped and almost screamed at the sensation of him actually drinking you, desperate to taste you.
Your second orgasm was smaller, making you shudder and gasp for just a moment before steadily breathing deeply as you tried to recover again. You looked down at him, barely able to lift your head; Namjoon was kissing your thigh, your hips, pressing gentle kisses to your skin as he slowly worked his way up your stomach. You could see how hard he was, his precum glistening on the head of his cock as it bounced against his stomach with his movements.
You started to reach down to grasp him, but he gently stopped you, bringing your hand back up by your head and lacing his fingers with yours. He kissed your collarbone, leaving a trail of wet kiss spots all over your body, your own wetness in the shape of his lips and chin.
“Please, Joonie,” you hummed, and he came back to you, kissing your lips slowly and letting you taste yourself on him. You wrapped your legs around him tightly as he lined himself up with your entrance, moaning when you felt the head of his cock against your folds, gasping when he started slowly sliding into you, every amazing inch of him filling and stretching you.
Namjoon buried his face in your neck, the length of his nose pressed against the curve of your jaw. He turned his head enough to kiss your neck, feeling your rapid, heavy pulse with his lips.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against your neck, not opening his eyes. “So fucking tight and wet for me, my angel, my princess, my heart, my love. I love you so fucking much.” He kissed your neck again gently before pushing all the way into you and bottoming out, the stretch so wonderfully tight and full. You cried out, spreading your legs further and higher for him, grabbing at his shoulders, scraping your fingernails down his back as he filled you up so completely.
Namjoon pulled out slowly and then pushed in again, rocking into you. You were desperate, nearly delirious and just about ready to cry if he didn’t start moving faster. He seemed to just barely be holding on by a thread, his own orgasm already one sudden movement away from overwhelming him.
“God, Jesus Christ, Joon, fuck,” you cried, close to actually in tears now. You started to say something else but it turned into a small whimper as he thrust into you again, hard.
“I love you,” he groaned against your neck, “I love you so much, Y/N…” Your name turned into a long moan as he began his slow, torturous pace, both of you so close to the edge already. You didn’t know how he was possibly going so slow still, other than the fact he must want to torture you.
“Go faster, please,” you cried out, holding onto his shoulders as tight as you could and digging in your fingernails. “I need you so bad, Joonie. God, fuck me, please…”
“I love you, angel,” he said, kissing your shoulder. He picked up the pace a little, but it wasn’t enough. “I love you, baby, I love you so much. I love you, I love you–”
“Go fucking faster, now, please…” you sobbed, pulling his hair, making him hiss in pain, but he listened, reaching down and holding your hip with one hand as he started pounding into you, the force of it making the bed creak and your breasts bounce with each quick, powerful thrust. You were long past gone, moaning loudly with each exhale, and Namjoon groaned and grunted, his head against your shoulder as the two of you moved together, you rolling your hips up to meet him thrust for thrust.
Namjoon broke first. His orgasm hit him suddenly and he tried to keep moving, his thrusts sloppy, erratic, and uneven as he spilled into you, his mouth hanging open and eyes squeezed shut. He let out a long groan until he ran out of air, and then he didn’t inhale again until he finished, suddenly and harshly gasping in again, his whole body shaking in your arms.
He reached down and rubbed your clit furiously, and you only lasted a few seconds before you gasped too, clenching around his still half-hard erection inside you, which only made him groan in overstimulation as you squeezed and spasmed around him, gasping nothing but his name and feeling nothing but him, your love, your Namjoon.
Namjoon somehow managed to keep himself from collapsing on top of you. He moved to the side enough to fall beside you, one of his legs still between your thighs as he laid on his stomach, slightly turned in toward you. His hand moved up to cup and stroke your cheek as he lazily kissed your shoulder.
“I love you too, Joonie,” you said between shaky breaths, your vision almost blurry from lust and exhaustion and a dumb happy smile on your face. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
X.
You laid there for a little while together before you eventually went another round, this time as slow as Namjoon had wanted to go the first time.
When you came this time, your orgasm had to have lasted at least five full minutes (or at least, it felt like that) as Namjoon kept moving in and out of you, keeping up his steady, slow, overwhelming movements that left you delirious with his cock inside you, his thumb on your clit, and his lips on yours, breathing in every moan of his name.
After you both laid there a while again, lazy in post coital haze, you eventually got up and went to your room’s personal little bathroom, where you turned on the tiny shower and let it warm up. You stood there feeling the water’s temperature with your hand while Namjoon stood behind you, arms wrapped around you and lips on your neck. It was like he couldn’t go more than a few minutes without saying “I love you,” not that you were complaining.
You showered together, Namjoon standing behind you the whole time and washing your body for you. He massaged your breasts, hands sudsy as the warm water fell down over them as he kissed your neck, murmuring sweet nothings in your ear. One of his hands fell down to your folds, stroking you slowly as his other hand moved to your breast, arm wrapping around you so that his forearm could also press against your nipple, stimulating and touching both of your breasts at once.
Namjoon slid two fingers into you as he kissed your temple. You could feel him hard against your ass, and that feeling made your eyes flutter.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamt of touching you, pleasing you, making love to you,” he murmured into your hair. You responded with an agonized moan, reaching back and holding onto his shoulder for support. “I’ve wanted you like this since we first met. I dreamed about eating your perfect little pussy so many times, doing exactly this to you, feeling you squeeze my cock like you did earlier when you came so prettily. You’re better than anything I ever could’ve imagined though, baby. Your pussy tastes like heaven and feels even better. You’re so fucking perfect, princess, I love you so much, more than my heart can bare.”
You felt like he had to be bending you over slightly, his firm chest against your back. You swore you could actually feel his cock throbbing.
“I need you,” you moaned, your eyes closed as you felt nothing but his hands.
“I’m here,” he said, kissing your cheek. “I’m here, angel. I love you.”
“Need you inside me,” you said, spreading your legs to stand with your feet braced wider apart. “I love you, too, Joonie. Please…”
Namjoon didn’t need to be told twice. Hooking his arm around your waist for support, he bent you both over a little more, sliding into you from behind in one smooth motion. You cried out in ecstasy, he felt so good and big and yours.
It was fast and sloppy; he hugged you against him with both arms while you braced yourself on the tile wall in front of you. The sound of skin smacking against wet skin, his hips hitting your ass coupled with both your quiet moans and the wet squelching of him moving hard and fast inside you, echoing off the tile walls with the sound of the running water. He filled you so perfectly, stretched you out so far, you felt like he was fucking up into your guts, so hard and deep and good.
You came at the same time, Namjoon groaning and squeezing you harder as your eyes rolled back in your head.
When you’d both recovered some, you stood there under the water, still in the same position. You both knew base rules about wasting water, so you needed to wrap this up, but neither of you wanted to move.
You eventually got out and dried off, both of you getting ready for bed with the toiletries provided by the base. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you the whole time though, so the whole process probably took three times longer than it should’ve.
When you both finished, he pulled you to him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as he kissed you, his hands spreading out on your bare back. Namjoon’s tongue slowly swirled with yours as he let out a small, contented hum, and he wrapped your legs up around his body, supporting you with one hand on your back and the other on your thigh.
Namjoon walked to your bed, carrying you, and laid down with you on top of him. You didn’t end up going another round, but you kissed for a while until eventually you started to move off of him to sleep beside him. Namjoon, though, held you there on top of him, keeping you there.
He murmured a soft little “please,” stroking your back gently, begging you to stay where you were on top of him. You laid back down and kissed right over his heart, before turning your head and resting your cheek on his chest, nuzzling in against him to sleep as he pulled the sheets up around you both.
You were safe in his arms. The world around you didn’t matter; not the people down the hall, not anything outside the base, none of it. The whole universe was just you and Namjoon in this bed, and nothing else existed. He was yours, and you were his.
#ksmutclub#hyunglinenetwork#bangtanarmynet#namjoon smut#bts smut#rm smut#kim namjoon#namjoon#my writing#namjoon fic#*
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Astrology observations
My friend @taurianskies7 did one the other day and it inspired me. I’ve been wanting to do one for a while but I have no time lately. So now I wrote this before going to bed :)
Disclaimer!: THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS. And no I am not holding back. Think of it as a sequel to no nuance November.
🪕I have noticed a pattern with Air suns with Taurus moons, not understanding psychology well. I mean, they know what it is but they are not very empathetic towards people. They are very likely to say stuff like “just think happy” “you feel the way you think” I believe it’s because air signs tend to approach things in a logical matter. And with the moon feeling very well in Taurus, things come naturally to them. So when other people struggle they might not understand why.
🪕Also people with Taurus moons might actually ignore their own psychological isssues. I think it might be because they have conditioned their feelings kind of to feel like a routine, and changing that, even if for the better, might frighten them.
🪕 I have sadly met many people with Pluto in the 1st house, who either have EDs or struggle with their body image. They might actually not feel enough no matter what.
🪕 people with Pluto in the 9th might actually have a father from a different country than they were born in or their mother is from. Might also mean that they struggle with belonging to those countries, depends on aspects though. ( I do not know if this has been said before, I am actually not sure. If so credits, go to that person, feel free to tag them)
🪕 speaking of aspects, people love to ignore them but they are sooo important. You can have a mars in the most chill sign ever, but if it’s for example square moon or Pluto, you might be prone to anger issues and even violence.
🪕Naptune square mars can make you prone to using substances as a coping mechanism for your anger or stress relief. (cigarettes, alcohols etc.)
🪕Pluto in the 2nd house can be obsessed with their financial situation, to a point where their whole happiness depends on it. They might actually value their life on what they have.
🪕many Aquarius Venus want a s/o but they don’t want a relationship. (I said it, I don’t care)
🪕many sagittarians really do talk so fucking much. I have never met a Sagittarius, who didn’t say their opinion even if they were not asked.
🪕also Sagittarius with leo moons can be THE MOST dramatic people in the world. Can also be very impulsive.
🪕 sadly ,many Capricorn 5th house, especially combined with a Capricorn Venus do not show much affection to their children, even though their Venus is in the 5th. They might like children but still do not show it. Many children to those parents, tend to feel “unloved”. Sadly it’s usually what the individual with those placements, most likely learned, from their own parents.
🪕I want to say that using co star and caffee astrology table charts is extremely harmful to our already flawed community. There are many, especially young people on social media, motivated to learn about astrology and all they see is, table charts that are NOT ACCURATE. It also does not make look astrology any less “pseudo science” when y’all post shitty post from co star saying shit like “ omg costar did it again” shut the fuck up, kathrine you’ve known astrology for 2 years max. Sit down and read a fucking book.
🪕 cats with Gemini moon WILL always meow when they want or don’t want something. They never shut up.
🪕lastly, people who have their moon in your 8th house, might really do, intimidate you, unintentionally. Your connection might be so deep, that if you are not used to it, it can lead to paranoia “why do they care so much about me? What do they get out of it?”. Also with a friend of mine, we are almost telepathic, it’s crazy. I think something, she does it or vise versa. But it can genuinely be one of the deepest bonds out there!
Again these are MY observations. Please feel free to add stuff! With love ❤️✨
#astrology#astrology observations#astrology notes#astrology thoughts#Aries#Taurus#Gemini#cancer#leo#Virgo#libra#Scorpio#Sagittarius#Capricorn#Aquarius#Pisces#moon 8th house#Gemini moon#co star#caffee astrology#Neptune square mars#air sun#Taurus moon#Aquarius Venus
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⚠️ I do not give any permission to anyone reading this post to re-post my content nor plagiarize it. This content belongs to me and myself only @astrologgeek ⚠️
My ✨astro✨ notes
Part 1.
This is my first post on tumblr, I've been learning astrology for over a year now - and I have finally succeeded and wrote my own personal astrology notes! ⚠️these are my own personal observations and notes, which means that whatever I'm saying here isn't 100% astrology accurate & approved by any professional astrologer⚠️ hope you enjoy I guess <3 (BTW: if anyone wants to repost or anything pls tag me, and don't steal pls!! I've worked so hard on these.)
• Taurus risings have 2 types of luaghter: crying-like laugh because of their 3rd house cancer or a smirky / deep-like laugh because of their capricorn 9th house. As a taurus rising I approve this message.
• speaking of taurus risings: gemini 2nd house ppl may joke a lot about their self worth. They also have a very big vocal range - whether they can sing or not, they can be great at dubbing.
• Neptune in the 2nd house have dreamy voices / amazing singing abilities or they may sound like a someone that does drugs / smoke / just high.
• having your mars in the 10th house can indicate a modeling career, especially if your MC is in good aspects with your ASC.
• virgo 9th house people have the most provocative sense of humor, they are also a "know-it-all". Yet, they are extremely loyal, so passionate and devoted to their duties.
• whichever house your pluto is in explains your deepest fears and where there is true chaos in your life (I'll make a post about it!)
• having your pluto in libra - as pluto being the planet of our generations - means that these people have always tried to fit into norms and into society, to not stand out, to be the most basic they can try. I believe that if they had a catchfraze it would be: "fake it 'till you make it".
• whatever house you have libra in is an area in your life that tries to fit in norms / society / normality (libra 11th house: have friends that are normal & basic / you try to to fit in society to make friends)
• aries rising's facial expressions are IMMACULATE (aries rules the face, so it's fitting that their face and facial expression will be very dominant)
• if your lilith conjuncts your saturn then solving the dark and hidden parts of you will help your career life grow and evolve as well.
• Mars-neptune aspects makes your anger blurry - like you don't know when your angry or how to feel / express your anger. Bonus points if the moon has contact with mars.
• There are 2 houses that rule the feeling of not belonging: the 11th house (not belonging because ur special, unique, weird, not normal) and the 12th house (not belonging because of your lonely energy, your blurry energy that makes you feel drifted from everyone automatically)
• Parent & children 🤝 not understanding each other's generation. Why, you may ask? Most if the time the age gap between children & their parents is 25 - 40 years, now if pluto is changing it's sign every 12 (mostly) - 31 years it means that the gap of the signs is creating a square! Example: gen z (pluto in sag) & boomers and karens (pluto in virgo), yet gen z (pluto in sag) & gen of pluto in leo (our grandparents) are creating a trine aspect (good relationship between generations).
• Capricorn stelliums are the most impatient people ever, time just moves with their own schedule and they are the ones that are always perfectly in time. Why? Saturn, which is ruled by capricorn: is ruling time.
• 12th house placements in general but especially 12th house NN & chiron 10th house people have a hero complex, that we must help everyone and save everyone. It's because the 12th house is about selflessness and empathy.
• Sagittarius rising feel so intimate and private, like no one really knows them - because of their 12th house scorpio, which makes their intimate side hidden, and makes them a mystery.
• Your 7th house sign is also the sign you have celebrity-crushes & obsessions on.
• You can know leo's even without them having a sun, moon or rising in leo. They are just SO noticeable! Their energy is just IMMACULATE
• I think that 12th house people are very intersted in prisons, mental hospitals, illusions and parties actually! Now all of them are understood because of our natural will to search for the unkown and the mystery and the unrealistic stuff in our lives, stuff that makes your soul change.
But why parties? Parties may be a place filled with people and noise which 12th house ppl won't like but the thing is parties are a fun illusion, with the lights changing all the time and the music that makes our body adapt to an entirely different environment because of it - it makes u very much aware of everything within the noise and loudness and madness.
• Talking about parties and 12th house people - I have noticed that they have 2 options of how they act:
1. They sit in the corner and analyze literally anything or just drown in their own thoughts or distract themselves from "all of the eyes looking at them".
2. They try to dance and get involve in the party but they're or getting to carried away and then feel embarrassed af and isolate themselves or immediately regrets it and goes to isolate themselves.
• 10th house transits for ppl who haven't graduated high school / university yet will be manifesting in their school life because it's where you're "supposed" to find your career path.
• In my opinion, the co-ruler of fun (which is ruled by leo) is sagittarius. Why? Leo rules entertainment and sagittarius is the ruler of jupiter, which resembles happiness, optimism (, expansion, growth) which is like the soul purpose of fun and entertainment.
• Even tho communication and the social media are a mercury - thing, I actually think that specific parts have 2 or even 3 rulers. For example: articles are ruled by gemini, virgo and aquarius (gemini to represent the creativeness and flowing speech in the article (also gossip if included), virgo to represent the order and wording of the article and how it's represented and brought to the readers and aquarius is for the fact that articles always talk about new, innovative or unusual things that are happening currently [little bit of cap right here lol] in the world, which also bring awareness (def an aqua theme).
• As the 8th house representing secrets, intimacy and shared resources - it must mean that people with this stellium or placements LOVE gossip. gossip is the combination of shared resources (media - which related to my last note - so gossip pages are gemini scorpio thing), intimacy and secrets.
• I have a theory - vehicles, as all materials and machines - are ruled by earth signs, so here are each vehicles rulers in my opinion:
virgo rules the air-vehicles (plains, helicopters etc.) Because that's a mutable sign that's adaptable of change the most out of every earth sign, and because the sky is so unpredictable and there's infinite courses of ways to reach ur destination - virgo fits the most to it.
capricorn rules the sea-vehicles (ships, boats, submarines etc.) Because that's a cardinal sign, an initiator that doesn't wait for things to happen, but makes sure every sudden change has a stable solution, also the sea is such an exotic place - fitting for a Capricorn's rich taste in views and life. Other than that, water may be unpredictable as well, but less than the open air and sky. Capricorns are the sea goats for a reason ;)
And last but not least - taurus rules the earth-vehicles. As The most stable, grounded, stubborn & down to earth sign it's kind of fitting for the vehicles that moves through the earth to have taurus as it's ruler. As cars, motorcycles etc. Have roads, so does taurians have their own, only path. They depend on the only thing they trust and any sudden change will make chaos. It's also the most comfortable - the thing taurians are craving for most.
I HOPE U ENJOYED my astro-notes :) I'll def try to keep them coming lmao if y'all would want to. Hope y'all Have a nice day 💕
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love in the time of p.t.a. meetings {marcus moreno} - 4/5
summary: after a few months of slightly chaotic bliss, you & marcus start to think about the next steps in your relationship. {series masterlist}
warnings: swearing
this is up a little later than i wanted & i do apologise, i once again stayed up all night and i cannot recount a single thing i���ve done. enjoy!
- jazz
Things between you and Marcus quickly fell into a routine.
You kind of had to when you both had kids; their lives needed structure. Depended on it, in fact. It wasn’t long before both of your lives were entangled in more ways than one, mostly for the sake of Missy and Jack having security around them but also because things between you were so good. Neither of you were trying to rush by any means, but when it worked, it worked. You were both good at communicating with each other - not that many issues really cropped up - and you both understood that your children came first. Things progressed easily and naturally, and he made you feel secure enough that you didn’t have to question whether or not it was too good to be true.
Five months had quickly passed and you were both comfortable. Marcus Moreno was your boyfriend and it wasn’t a big deal. Okay, it had been at first - especially the first time he planted a kiss on your lips in front of the minivan brigade - but now? It was normal. It felt like he’d always been there, and you took it as a good sign. You got on well with Missy, especially since she’d witnessed your spat with Carol and started to think the world of you, and Jack...well, he was obsessed with Marcus. You couldn’t blame the kid.
‘Jack! Put the soup down!’
It was another one of those mornings. It was a Sunday, so you didn’t have to worry about getting up early for school or work but you’d been at Marcus’ till late the night before. You and Jack ended up spending a lot of time at his; there was a swimming pool and a big garden for Optimus Prime to run around in, so it tired both of your tiny spawns out, which worked in your favour.
Even when the kid had spent four hours swimming last night, he’d still risen that morning at 6AM like Jesus Christ on the third day. You’d woken to find the kitchen covered in smashed eggs and ham, then your oven had broken and the toilet was blocked again.
You’d been halfway through reversing the problem when you’d heard Jack shuffling in the kitchen. You were stood in the hallway, still in your pyjamas, with a toilet brush in one hand and the other balled up into a fist.
‘Jack, the soup is about to-’
You paused mid-sentence, watching as the bowl he was trying to reach for toppled straight off of the counter. You’d only washed his hair ten minutes ago, and you might as well have not fucking bothered because it was now covered in chunky vegetable soup. And the Chewbacca onesie he loved so much? Trying to peel that off him for the next few hours to wash the Heinz out of it was going to be a whole task in itself. You’d only just been to the laundrette the day before, and you’d gotten to the point in life where having a place with its own washing machine was a sign of success.
‘Mum, there’s soup in my hair.’
‘It’s okay.’ You took a moment to breath. ‘We are not going to cry.’
‘I’m not crying.’
‘Wasn’t talking to you, buddy.’ You rubbed your temples for a moment. ‘C’mon, let’s go hop in the bath.’
So much of parenting was just...stopping to breath. Stopping to take a moment to remind yourself that although your love for your child was unwavering and unconditional, you sometimes felt like screaming. All you’d done for the last five hours was go in circles, cleaning and lecturing and cleaning some more. It made you wish you were at work that day, because at least then you could have conversations with people that weren’t about what cheese they wanted for lunch or what cartoon they wanted to watch.
‘I just had a bath.’ Jack muttered.
‘Yeah well, you need another one.’ You took another deep breath. ‘I’ll be there in a minute-’
‘- I don’t want a bath!’
‘And I don’t want a kid that’s covered in soup!’ You shot back. ‘C’mon, buddy. Just do as I say, please?’
Your conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. You frowned for a moment - you weren’t expecting anyone. There was no post on Sundays and you hadn’t seen your landlord since the day you’d moved in. Your nosey neighbour knocked sometimes, usually asking about the noise (he didn’t have kids, clearly) and you were this close to telling him to mind his own fucking business.
‘I swear to god, if that’s David again, I am going to shove this can of soup up his - Marcus!’ You almost did a double take when you saw your boyfriend stood at the door - he really chose his times, didn’t he? You hadn’t even had time to put the fucking toilet brush down. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, baby.’ He greeted you slowly, eyes slowly taking in your appearance (and not in a sexy way). ‘Were you not expecting me?’
‘Shit, did we have plans?’ Your eyes widened.
‘No, but Jack called. He said you’d asked him to ask me to come over, but I realise half way through that sentence that starting with Jack called probably means you had no idea.’ He offered you a goofy smile. ‘He said that the sofa had exploded and that you needed help.’
There was a lot to unpack there. When had Jack done that? More to the point, when had he learnt to use the phone? How had he worked out your phone password? The kid couldn’t do up his own velcro and now he was a Russian hacker, apparently.
‘Oh my god.’ You groaned. ‘I am so sorry. Things have been batshit here this morning and I’m sure he had my best interests in his weird little heart, but he made you come all this way-’
‘- Marcus!’ Speaking of the devil.
Jack pushed past you, wrapping his arms around Marcus’ waist. He leant down to pick him up, lifting him off the ground - albeit at a distance, due to Soupgate.
‘Hey, buddy.’ He greeted him. ‘You been causing trouble again?’
‘Not on purpose.’ Jack replied. ‘Mum says I need another bath.’
‘I think she’s right.’ Marcus said. ‘Why don’t you go pick out some clothes and come back in a minute, yeah?’
‘Okay!’ Seemingly impressed by the newfound trust in him to choose an outfit, Jack wriggled himself back down to the floor, trotting towards his bedroom. Seriously, how did Marcus do that? Perhaps his ability to have authority over your archaic child was another hidden power of his.
‘You look like you need a break, baby.’ He reached out, gently running a hand down your arm.
‘I’m fine, he’s just been a lot today.’ You sighed.
‘You have soup on your shirt and fluff in your hair.’
‘Couch stuffing.’
‘Huh?’
‘It’s couch stuffing. Except that was Optimus Prime and not Jack, which makes a nice change.’ You muttered.
‘Look, Missy is at her abuela’s today and she’s been begging for ages to see Jack again.’ He said. ‘What d’you say I drive him over there, you clean up and we hang out? Just us, no kids, no dogs, no stress.’
‘That sounds like a fucking dream.’ You couldn’t help but smile. ‘But Optimus has consumed half the couch and I gotta keep an eye on him-’
‘-we can bring him with us!’ Marcus grinned. ‘He loves the garden.’
‘Are you sure? Because I remember you saying you had work plans today and I don’t want you to cancel them on account for the fact I can’t control my own kid. Or life.’
‘You two come first.’ He said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. ‘Three, including Optimus Prime.’
--
In the time it took Marcus to drive Jack to his mum’s and get back to yours, you were able to clean up. The apartment was still a state, but it hadn’t been properly tidy in...how many days had it been since Jack was born? Because it hadn’t been clean in exactly that many days. You felt a little bad dumping him on Anita when he was still covered in soup, but if anyone was able to wrestle him into the bath and some clean clothes, it was her. You’d met her a few times and she was absolutely lovely, but you had no doubt she could be terrifying when need be. She was the sort of woman you aspired to be.
By midday, you were driving out the city. There was music playing quietly over the radio and you were watching the houses go by; even though it was cold out, you had the heater on and you were bundled up in a leather jacket, Marcus’ scarf snugly around your neck. It smelt faintly of his aftershave, which had become one of your favourite scents over the last five months. The time had gone so quickly. You’d seen each other practically every day since then, and having the kids meant you’d been fallen into being domestic pretty quickly. The simplicity of it all - him and you and getting to this point so easily - was overwhelming in itself.
Your first relationship had been so complicated - so finicky and filled with unnecessary arguments. That should have been a sign early on, but then you’d gotten pregnant with Jack and getting married had seemed like the obvious thing to do. His presence meant you wouldn’t have changed anything, not for the entire fucking world, but it made you a little sad to think about how long you’d wasted on what had clearly been the wrong person. Meanwhile, Marcus’ situation had been entirely different; he’d had the right person the first time around and then he’d lost them. You never felt like a replacement to his wife, or even thought about the notion, really. That had been another part of his life. You were a new part and it didn’t mean he was forgetting the past. The two could co-exist without taking away from each other.
‘You’re deep in thought.’ Marcus observed. He moved one of his hands to rest on your leg, giving it a light squeeze. He did that a lot, usually whenever you were sat beside him at the table or on the sofa. It was just a him thing.
‘Yeah, sorry.’ You tore your gaze away from the window. ‘My brain always goes a little into overdrive when things are quiet.’
He chuckled. ‘What’s on your mind?’
‘You, actually.’ You tangled your fingers with his, thumb brushing over the back of his hand. ‘I was just thinking about lucky I am and how good things are, and how it almost feels too good to be true.’
‘Better believe it, baby.’ He replied. ‘Because it is true.’
‘I know.’ You peered over at him with a smile. ‘It’s just...my only perceptions of relationships were based on the single one I’ve had. Everything was so complicated and exhausting. This is completely different and it’s so nice. And normal. And I don’t know, that sounds stupid-’
‘- it’s not stupid at all.’ Marcus peered over at you, shaking his head. ‘It’s natural to be a little apprehensive after a bad relationship and if there’s anything I can do to help, you just have to tell me. You know that, right?’
Maybe it was the way he said it, or maybe it was just him, but you knew for certain that he meant that. There was sort of a silent agreement now that you were both in this for the long haul. Your mum had always said that you’ll know when you know but you’d always written that off. Mostly because you hadn’t known the first time round. But, now you did. You did know and though you weren’t going to admit that to Marcus, you never doubted him for a second.
‘I do.’ You said. ‘But he’s in the past now - and hopefully it’s where he fucking stays.’
‘I have contacts. I can find him and set Miracle Guy on him.’ Marcus’ grin had returned. ‘Just say the word.’
‘You make a tempting offer.’ You smiled back at him. ‘But the past is the past and I’m ready to...slam the lid on that dumpster.’
‘Do you think he’ll ever want to come back into Jack’s life?’
You pondered for a moment. ‘I don’t think so, but if he did, I dunno if I’d let him. I never wanna be the person who stops someone from seeing their kids but what he did was...it was unforgivable.’
‘You don’t have to make that decision until it actually happens.’ Marcus gently said. ‘And I’ll support whatever you choose.’
He pulled into the drive way of his house - his nice, clean, sofa-stuffing-and-soup free house. Optimus Prime leapt out the car as soon as the door was open, practically tearing past the two of you and down towards the yard. There was a moment of silence and then a splash!
‘Guess he found the pool.’ Marcus commented. ‘At least it’s heated, I s’pose.’
Truth be told, he loved having the three of you at his house. It felt like whatever had been missing before was slowly making an appearance as your relationship progressed. The irony was that you brought nothing but chaos and clutter with you, but that was exactly what made it feel like a home. It was small things; the painting that Jack had done for him at after school club was now hung up up on the fridge, and there was a photo of him and Missy on the fireplace with Optimus Prime. Half of the thousands of blankets of pillows that had been at your place had ended up on his sofa, thanks to the countless sleepovers.
If he could have it his way, Marcus would have you live with here all the time. The energy that you and Jack brought made everything feel complete. He loved the evenings where Missy and Jack would play out in the pool, and you two would sit back inside, complaining about the cold. Then there were the nights where you’d take both the kids back here when he was working late, and he’d come home to find you piled on the couch watching an old movie, with your burnt cooking abandoned on the stove, surrounded by boxes of left over take out. It was the kind of thing that was so simple and so domestic, but it was everything he wanted.
That was probably the flashpoint moment when Marcus Moreno realised he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He already knew he loved you - he’d worked that out about three months in, when you’d fallen asleep in one of his shirts whilst trying to wait up for him - but he hadn’t said it. He’d hinted at it and made back-handed comments but he’d barely admitted it to himself, let alone to anyone else. He knew what you and Jack had gone through before and it broke his entire fucking heart. You both deserved someone who stand by you and support you, someone who would embrace you both for the craziness and warm energy you brought everywhere with you. More than ever, he was realising he wanted to be that person who gave it you. After all, you’d made his life so much brighter without even trying.
Snapping out of his trance, Marcus looked over at you. You’d already ditched your shoes and dropped onto the sofa, pulling one of the blankets with you. This was exactly what you needed. A quiet house, your favourite person and a cable knit blanket.
‘Hey, baby?’
You looked over at him, smiling at the name. ‘Yeah?’
‘You know I love you, right?’
You blinked in surprise, sitting up. ‘I know.’
‘You do?’
‘You’ve never said it, but I can tell.’ You nodded, before offering a smile. ‘And I love you too.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.’ He slowly approached you, dropping onto the sofa beside you and taking your hands in his. ‘I think I just got so caught up in everything and feeling everything that I forgot.’
‘Why are you apologising?’ You couldn’t help but scoff at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. ‘It’s your actions that say it, Marc. Hearing it is good but you showed it a long time ago.’
‘I know, but really you deserve to hear it everyday.’ He smiled against you, helping you move onto his lap.
‘You do tell me everyday, with the things you do.’ You reminded him. ‘Like meeting me in the parking lot with coffee, or bribing Jack into going to bed early with video messages from your superheroes, or doing my grocery shopping when you know money is short.’
‘Why wouldn’t I do those things?’ Marcus seemed genuinely confused. ‘It’s you.’
‘I love you.’ You repeated the phrase.
‘And I love you.’
He pulled you into another kiss - this time it was a little firmer, not unlike your second declaration of love. Marcus did all those things without thinking, simply out of his intense want for you to just be happy. He was the same with Missy, always doing little things to make her life easier just because. It was just part of who he was, and it made him happy to see his loved ones happy.
With your body pressed against his and your hands tangled in your hair, Marcus realised he didn’t want you to ever leave again. He didn’t want you to have to drive home in the dark at ten because all of your stuff was on the other side of town. You did stay over sometimes, but then you’d have to creep out at 6AM with a sleeping Jack in your arms to get home in time to get ready. He wanted you here all the time. You should have been here all the time.
‘Move in with me?’
He both did and didn’t mean to say it out loud. He did because he wanted you so badly to be a permanent fixture in the house, but he also didn’t because the idea might have been a little absurd. Was it too soon? What if you didn’t want to leave your place? He knew you loved your apartment. It was your home and had been for a long time.
‘What?!’ You suddenly pulled back from the kiss, eyes wide.
‘I mean...if you want to.’ Marcus slowly said. ‘Hell, Missy and I can move to your place if that’s what you want. It might be tight but she loves the dog and I just want to be with you-’
‘- hey!’ You cut him off, planting your hands on his shoulders. ‘You’re rambling again, but that’s besides the point. I would love to live here.’
‘You would?’
‘I would.’ You smiled.
It made sense. Aside from the glaringly obvious fact you wanted to, it was also practical. It was closer to the school, closer to your work and it had a fucking swimming pool. Marcus was already clearly financially secure and moving in wouldn’t mean relying on him, but it would have meant that things for Jack were a lot more stable. Missy loved the company of you both, and it meant she would finally have the dog she wanted so bad.
‘Missy would be okay with it, right?’ You asked.
‘She was the one who put the idea in my head, actually.’ Marcus admitted. ‘I’d thought about it but then she kind of asked in passing why you don’t live here, and I couldn’t give her an answer.’
‘Your kid is smart.’
‘D’you think Jack will-’
‘- I’m going to stop you there.’ You cut him off.
‘Right, I probably don’t need to ask that question.’ He chuckled.
‘Exactly.’ You pressed a kiss to his nose. ‘Don’t forget the dog, either.’
‘How could I? I can literally see him peeing on my lawn right now.’
‘Our lawn.’
--
Exactly three weeks later - and after a hefty amount of paperwork and hours of sorting through Jack’s endless amounts of crap that he insisted on hoarding - moving day came.
Anita had insisted on having the kids again. They were both excited, but perhaps a little too much. They were probably more likely to get in the way of things if anything. Children, a dog and large boxes? It seemed like a match made in hell. Plus, she had a whole ass training course in her back garden and if that didn’t wear the kid out, then you were definitely going to take him to the Heroics to get tested. The thought alone was enough to tire you out.
You didn’t have too much stuff to move. You’d been half-moved into the damn place before Marcus had even made the formal proposal, so that made things a lot easier. You were keeping your sofa for Jack’s room, but the rest was going to Goodwill. Most of it had come from there in the first place.
‘I think that’s the last box.’ Marcus announced, exiting the bedroom. ‘I didn’t realise that a five year could own so many variations of storm-trooper toys.’
‘Oh, yeah.’ You replied. ‘There’s the original trilogy ones, sequel trilogy ones, dark troopers, shock troopers, clone troopers - and I realise half way through listing them that you don’t care.’
‘I never said that!’ He placed his hands on your waist, pressing a kiss to your forehead. ‘I’m excited to learn.’
‘I’m sure Jack is excited to tell you.’ You grinned.
Then, it faltered slightly with the realisation you were actually leaving this place. You’d never intended for it to be your permanent home, but it had still been the centre of your entire universe for half a decade. Every room told a story; the crayon marks on the bathroom wall, the dents behind the TV from, the crack in the living room mirror. All caused by Jack, naturally. The last five years was contained entirely within these four walls and you got bleary eyed at the idea of it becoming someone else’s.
‘Hey, don’t cry.’ Marcus gently wiped away a tear from your cheek.
‘You know, the rent is still paid till the end of the month so we could revisit the idea of you and Missy living here instead.’ You tearfully smiled.
‘You’re kidding but you know I’ll do it.’ He pressed another kiss to your nose, grip on your arms tightening.
‘It’s okay.’ You moved so that the kiss landed on your mouth instead, capturing his lips in a brief kiss. ‘I knew we were gonna outgrow this place. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.’
‘I know. Still kinda feels like it all came out of no-where, huh?’ He replied. ‘In the best way.’
‘You’re right. In the best way.’ You firmly nodded. ‘Can you believe I was 23 when I moved into this place? I found it on Craiglist within ten minutes of finding out I was pregnant.’
‘Do you wanna take a minute before we go?’
‘No, it’s fine.’ You shook your head. ‘We should get going.’
The apartment was just that: an apartment. And the house you were going to was just that: a house. But the people you were with? That’s what made it count. It wasn’t about the four walls or the roof over your head, or whether or not it had a big yard and a jacuzzi bath tub (though, that did help). It was about the laughter and warmth inside; the faces in the photos on the wall and the people you came home to after a long day. It was the smell of your burnt cooking and the pizza you’d ordered in place. It was Jack’s toys left in the exact place where someone could trip and it was Missy using all the hot water in the morning so that Marcus’ showers were practically arctic. It was everyday things that reminded you of the people around you; the people that made it home, and how lucky you were to have them.
That was home. And you’d found yours.
taglist: @naivara-duneimith @1-2-3-4-5metalfingers @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @lyanna-the-giantsbane @phoenixhalliwell @crazycookiecrumbles @bitchin-beskar @comphersjost
#marcus moreno x reader#marcus moreno imagine#marcus moreno x you#marcus moreno x y/n#marcus moreno imagines#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal character headcanons
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BNHA 301 - Thoughts
Well, we all thought that we’ll tune in to the next episode of the Keeping Up with the Todorokis telenovela - but boy, this is no soap opera anymore, it’s a goddam Greek Tragedy with hubris, jealousy and ambition, with mere humans playing god and paying the price in tears and madness and turning their firstborn into a cursed demon. (That fire demon halo / crown there is amazing)
This chapter turns on its had many assumptions we’ve been holding onto since the Sport Festival, and no, it is not retcon - it’s just non-linear story-telling from different perspectives.
So Enji and Rei met on some fancy Quirk Tinder, and while it does seem Rei’s family was really grooming her to marry well, she did have some choice in the matter. She realized it was a quirk marriage and went ahead with it nonetheless. (Greek chorus murmurs in disquiet.)
The flower is back again - and it seems it held something important meaning to Rei - maybe he hope that Enji sees her as something more than just her name and her quirk, but as an individual. The soft, elusive Rei all in white is a stark contrast to the woman in the present
who is dressed in all black like an angel of death and comes in with a dramatic “stomp” and “whoosh” of her dress to tell her husband that she’s fucking not okay, because their son is a mass murderer who almost killed their other son, plus the family’s dirty laundry has been aired on national television.
Things are actually the opposite of fine. (I love this Rei!!!! She won’t melt anymore...)
In the meantime, Touya is hanging out in the little villain-dacha in the forest, on a ratty couch, doing that hand-staring thing that seems to be genetic among the Todoroki-men. Also, he spends a whole lot of time thinking about his dear dad he claims to hate so much. They are weirdly co-dependent.
I recreated this panel with the honorifics, because it’s kind of telling how he talks of Fuyumi as if she was still a little girl, Natsuo gets -kun, which is weird for a brother, and Shouto is just Shouto. Yep. He does not like the little puppet masterpiece, if that was not clear until now.
Also I love this panel so much, with the tear of blood dramatically dripping onto the panel of his childhood home. What a fantastic image.
We are transported right back to the Ch. 291 timeline, where Touya first burns himself. In the meantime, he has a few extra white locks, and is extremely grumpy because he’s dad is not training with him (aka special father-son bonding time).
I just can’t with his little Endeavor-merch T-shirt and angry tmp-tmp.
and his little pout. OMG. How can anyone resist this kid?
So Enji actually has a reason, because they are going to what looks like Central hospital to see a quirk doctor (who looks totally like Ujiko), who tells them tough luck, but Touya has a body built for cold-resistance. So yeah, not a good match for a fire quirk. Also, “quirk experimentation is kind of taboo” howls the Greek chorus in the back “quit while you still can”.
Enji, the stubborn ass he is instead goes home and broods staring at Zeus All Might saving some ridiculously large number of towns, remembering how he told Touya that he can totally surpass All Might. That’ll be a tough discussion.
Looks like stubborn is not only Enji’s territory. Because Touya will totally outstubborn him, and he continues to burn himself to get Endeavor’s attention back.
Todoroki “Nom-Nom” Fuyumi (OMG!!! She’s adorable) is already the voice of reason in this family of crazy. Yes Touya, people who love you don’t wanna see you hurt.
Well, Enji will surely outsmart this 6-year-old, won’t he? Maybe offer to play lego or something? Go on a holiday and give him the idea to start a bug-collection?
Or....
let’s have more kids to crush Touya’s spirit until he forgets about heroes.... Sigh... What a terrible way to deal with this situation. And Rei goes along with a deep sense of foreboding.
OK, there is something good in this...because...
Natsuo is born - and the contrast between Fuyumi’s sincere excitement and joy, and Touya’s absolute crushed expression (also the Endeavor merch has undergone a more sinister re-design, from a friendly flame to a frightening fire mask). It’s kind of telling that Enji is missing completely from this scene. (Natsuo wasn’t lying about Enji never even looking him in the eye...)
And then some years of Enji turning into an obsessed workaholic and it looks like Rei gives it another try - maybe desperate to calm him down and Shouto is born - doing the All Might pose in his little hand-me-down onesie.
And it seems like there is one look and the whole family knows he’s the one. Enji’s manic grin, Rei is relieved because she thinks the worst is over (oh little naive one, there is always a price for miracles - whispers the Greek chorus) and Touya is just fucking dead inside.
He’s so broken or he should be. But he keeps training, so desperate for Enji’s friggin’ attention and faith in him. It’s in a way an utterly banal story of older child being sidelined, but with the added burden of the original expectations, Touya’s stubborn streak to succeed, his insane need for paternal validation - it just makes it the perfect storm.
So Touya keeps training, despite his parents’ best efforts to crush his spirit. He doesn’t give up and keeps burning himself.
And yes, Enji tries to tell him to go outside and play and see the whole world, but his words have no effect because everything in Enji’s own life says that there is nothing outside of hero stuff. This beautiful family with these amazing children wasn’t enough to cure his obsession.
And this panel here totally broke my heart - as Touya says he can’t understand:
(I’m sorry, but I changed the translation on this one, because I thought this line hit better like this). It’s so tragic that both Touya and Enji see how similar they are, that it’s a madness shared between them, destroying both of them. And they can’t help each other.
It’s heartbreaking.
Whew... let’s look at some adorable Todoroki-children as a breather says the Greek chorus.
Shouto is really just chilling there like his existence isn’t the cause of the crumbling of this entire family and eventually of hero society.
Hi there cutie...
Oh yeah, this is the moment that the demon-child is born ready to destroy the little puppet masterpiece usurper and he legit attacks baby Shouto in Rei’s arms. This kind of puts a whole new spin on the kids being separated from Shouto and the Rei attacks Shouto plotlines. (Also, it’s like the second time all the Todo-children are on the same panel).
Rei also explains now her lines about regret from the previous chapter and takes some of the blame about Touya’s mental state. (oh, no, Rei, what did you do?)
In any case, Touya seems mentally to be at a really vulnerable state. So let’s say if he was taken to a quirk-based medicine health clinic, and he were to run into a doctor that promised him unlimited power, what are the chances he’d go for it?
To be continued...
#bnha 301#bnha meta#todoroki touya#todoroki enji#todoroki rei#bnha manga spoilers#class1a reads bnha#keeping up with the todorokis#todoroki siblings#todosiblings
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Hello! I saw your post about elevated planets, is there also any explanation about the planets opposite/bottom of the Zenith/Mc? Thank you!
Good Question
Nadir In Astrology
The Nadir, or Imum Coeli (IC), Latin for “south/bottom of the sky,” or “lowest point” is one of the four major angles in an astrological birth chart [the other 3 are the [Rising, Descendant, and Midheaven] and definitely the least talked about. The Midheaven and Nadir points lie at opposite ends of your Natal Chart. The Midheaven is at the very top [where your most elevated will be nearest]. It is where the Sun was at its highest peak during midday. Using this, we calculate the Nadir, or where the Sun was at its very lowest point during midnight. Like the Ascendant and Descendent Axis, the Midheaven and Nadir are opposites, with one side exposed and other other deeply hidden. It lies opposite the Midheaven—a point on our chart that represents our public life and persona, which gets a lot of attention.
What it Means
Since the Midheaven is our brightest, most open, well-light part of your personality, adversely the Nadir is the dead of night in your chart [quite literally], the IC is the deepest, darkest, quietest, most personal place in your chart. It houses the Private Persona. This is how your mind operates in secret, how you feel, and how you act, when you are completely alone, with no one else watching. Our Nadir (IC) signifies our most profound depths and needs, a part of us that we often don’t share with others. While the rising and descendant axis of our charts navigate the relationship between self and others. The Midheaven and Nadir showcase the polarity of our outer and inner worlds. The IC sits on the cusp of the fourth house, ruled by the moon/cancer associated with family lineage, home environment, and family influences. Similarly to the moon, our nadir shows us our needs and emotional tendencies, though it's much more than that. When you looking at your birth chart, the nadir is below the horizon line of the ascendant and is the lowest place in our chart, therefore representing our foundation and roots. In this way, the IC also reveals the type of environment best for our physical well-being. Make sense? Now, I want to mention that many often think of the MC as a fake, constructed persona, and the Nadir is as our real, authentic selves. This couldn't be further from the truth. Fake news. This way of thinking hinges on the idea that we are fundamentally one type of person, forced act unlike ourselves in different situations. But the truth is, all of your choices and actions come together to create a portrait of who you really are, regardless of what made you act that way. The way you act when you are in front of people, trying to make your best impression - that is the real you. And the way you act when you are alone, with nobody to judge you - that is the real you, too ;). Humans are dichotomous and complex and astrology allows for that because it, as a study, is complex as well.
Nadir By Sign
Aries: [Libra MC] Need for independence and freedom. Reputation is built on the finer aspects of your personality. People know you by your good looks, first and foremost. They see you as elegant, yet strong; rational and logical. Inwardly, can be prone to dramatic displays of anger, loud demands, bossy, and sharp, biting humor and immense stores of sexual drive or drive in general. Family was very active or extremely ambitious. Learned early on how to be independent. Growing up, might have witnessed a lot of conflict in your family, some of it serious and some of it not. You saw problems with alcoholism, drug addiction, and anger. Unconsciously aggressive or combative.
Taurus: [Scorpio MC] Need for security or physical pleasures. Come off as intense, passionate, mysterious or dark. Family was stable or materialistic. As a child you were always well fed and secure. Parents/guardians gave you a taste for the finer things in life by caring so much about the look and quality of the things in their home. On a darker note they could also be quite controlling in a lot of ways, both over their house and family. Nothing could be done, or touched, or moved, or planned without them having a hand in what was going on. Native can be unconsciously inflexible or possessive.
Gemini: [Sagittarius MC] Need for understanding themselves and world around them. Outwardly can be very philosophical, blunt, straightforward and/or outspoken. When you find yourself alone with your thoughts, you spend a lot of time enjoying your own inner dialogue. And when you are with those few people you are close to, you enjoy a lot of stimulating conversations. Family is a literal mosaic. Different colors and personalities. Home life was changing constantly. Family was growing and shrinking, moving around, breaking apart and then putting/fitting new pieces together. Childhood was self-expressive or hyper-intellectually focused. Unconsciously erratic, anxious or cunning that can display itself as duplicitousness.
Cancer: [Capricorn MC] Need to seek and give nurturance. Can come off as determined, hard working, goal-oriented, and very good at what you do. You have a very professional public image that exudes confidence and experience. Family was co-dependent or critical. Growing up your mother was the central figure of your family home, either because she was a single mother or your father was away from home a lot. As a child, you were given more than enough praise and attention. When alone, you take on an almost maternal role in your house, cooking and cleaning and taking care of chores. Often, you will retreat into your bedroom, den or personal workshop and spend a lot of time working on things by solo. Unconsciously co-dependent or guarded.
Leo: [Aquarius MC] Need for creative self-expression. intelligent, detached connections with other people. Can come off as detached or have this kind “dry intensity” that radiates off of you – you seem to be quietly aloof, cold. When alone, can be quite friendly or show big displays of love to those close to them. An eternal child that will always love fairly tales no matter how old they are. Family was self-involved or warm-hearted. The kid who was told they were special all the time. Everybody in your family (especially your mother) fawned over all the things you did, praising you for every accomplishment and exaggerating all your best qualities. You got everything you wanted. Unconsciously may have a lot of self-doubt.
Virgo: [Pisces MC] Need for efficiency. Comes off as a creative, kind, spiritual, almost ethereal person. People will notice the far-away look, the quiet contentment that hangs around you like a miasma. Draws in both saints and sinners. Though they may present a misty outward appearance, inwardly they keep detailed inventory of everything. Likes work and routine. Family or parent was hyper-critical. Some kind of negativity surrounding you when you were growing up, like fighting, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, or a poor home life. Whether or not you were aware of what your family members were going though, you looked for an escape. May have control freak tendencies.
Libra: [Aries MC] Need for harmony, though possibly difficulty in knowing needs with too much vacillation. Outwardly brave, perhaps a tad bossy, driven, commanding and leader-like with touches of aggression or authoritarianism. inwardly, peace loving, diplomatic, utterly polite, cooperative and friendly to the point of people pleasing. Family could have been quite social or superficial. When you are out interacting with the world you are confrontational and/or competitive. Growing up, you had to share your parent’s attention with other people. You might have had other siblings that got more than you, or they might have had other obligations that took up their time. Unconsciously coy.
Scorpio: [Taurus MC] Need for emotional depth and understanding. Outwardly laid back and grounded. Astonishing work-ethic. Security minded and practical. Inwardly there is a deep well of emotion. Can dwell or obsess. Powerful drive and silently aggressive. Family was secretive or powerful. Unconscious forces outside may have influenced them. Involved in power dynamics. Subconsciously, memories of the past are littered with alcoholism, abuse, death, trauma, sex, various kinds of manipulation and betrayal.
Sagittarius: [Gemini MC] Need to discover their own truth. Comes off as intelligent, sociable, highly optimistic. Social butterfly. Inwardly may act out personal and grandiose dramas. Family was hyper-ethical or adventurous. Sought to learn and understand other people’s cultures and perspectives. In your childhood, when you were living at home with your family, you were thought of as a very bright child. Energetic, enthusiastic about learning, and always exploring the outside world, you met every new subject with curiosity and an open mind. Teachers and classmates labelled you as the “smart kid”. Unconsciously can seek status, attention or might be prone to judgment.
Capricorn: [Cancer MC] Need for reliability and order. reputation for being determined, hard working, goal-oriented. Family was traditional or repressed emotions. Might feel like you have to “fight for respect.” Family was very restrictive and controlling. Tried to make you into what they wanted you to be rather than accepting you for how you were. When alone in the privacy of your own home, you are emotional, sensitive, and very attached to your belongings and loved ones. Unconsciously self-repressing or pessimistic.
Aquarius: [Leo MC] Need for unconventional and individual stance. Comes off as bubbly, friendly, happy, and attracts attention easily. Inwardly, a loner, detached, intelligent, the furthest thing from a people pleaser. Likes to be left alone to their own devices to study or research. Family was non-traditional or unavailable. Home life might have been chaotic or tumultuous. As a kid you had little control over your life’s direction and had to follow your parents wherever they went. This could mean you were uprooted a lot, maybe a military kid or simply forced into their religion or belief system. Unconsciously somewhat detached from others. Accept anybody for anything, you support them 100%. Not interested in people or affairs/things that do not concern you. Father might have been absent. Unconsciously weird/ unusual.
Pisces: [Virgo MC] Need for wandering or mysticism. Comes off as organized, dissecting, routine-loving and very well-put together. Inwardly, can be emotional, messy, lazy, gullible, but also sensitive, compassionate, empathetic, and completely selfless. Family roots of unclear boundaries. Growing up there was a lot going on between your parents that you didn’t understand. Perhaps born on the verge of some kind of upheaval. Something happened that caused the family break apart before you were born and now they were dealing with the aftermath. Unconsciously over-sensitive or non-committal.
Bruja note:
The key to understanding the patterns and energy of the IC brings balance and equilibrium to our lives as it teaches us how to embrace our past and move forward into our future. How to really grasp and harness the midheaven gifts and promises. There is an inevitable sense of karma and destiny associated with the angles of our charts, and the IC is no exception. Knowing the patterns of the nadir brings consciousness to our underworld. More understanding. It is considered by many astrologers one of, if not THE most important part of our entire chart—because of the depth of understanding it gives us when we really commit to comprehending it. By utilizing the skills and difficulties of our family/ancestors/origins, we are thrusted into our personal journey’s and ultimately our north node or most elevated destinies.
What sign is your Nadir in? Dissecting and understanding it can bring healing and growth to you and those you’re closely connected with.
#Nadir#IC#Imum coeli#MC vs IC#astro asks#astrology asks#astrology tumblr#astro tumblr#10th house astrology#4th house astrology#bruja tips#Midheaven/imum coeli axis#elevated planets#good question#zodiac signs
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20 Questions: Writer Edition
Many many thanks to @hot-auntie-dany and my baby @magalidragon for the tag, here we gooooo....
(All fics mentioned below can be found on my AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernLights37/works)
How many works do you have on AO3?
33 as of today
What’s your total AO3 word count?
1,003,539, not including Adrift and a few other orphaned fics I have floating around. You are welcome, whores (or, conversely, my apologies for inflicting these fics upon this fandom, over a million words of garbage, depending on your fic tastes hahaha)
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
A few over the years - none as extensively as GOT, but I wrote some back in the day for Buffy.
What are your top five fics by kudos?
Cerulean Blue
Something Stupid
Beautiful Creatures
Fixer-Upper
Beautiful Creatures: Legends (Pt. 2)
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Sometimes. Sometimes I don’t. Usually it’s procrastination or I really am busy with IRL stuff. LOL Sometimes I just savor them and don’t respond to them all then I feel guilty and then I’m like ‘okay bitch you wrote the fic you don’t have to write another one in the comments just enjoy the kind words’. Other times I’m like ‘JFC asshole answer your comments’. It’s a mixed bag.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I haven’t. I just give light dustings of angst. Angst does not exist in my endings lol.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Hahahah all of them bitch all of them even when they die it’s a happy ending. That doesn’t mean the characters get some perfect ending, but it’s a happy one. I think people conflate the two sometimes, because you can absolutely have a happy ending without it being ‘perfect’.
Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?
No - I don’t usually read them, either.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Occasionally. Fuck ‘em. I write this shit because there’s a story stuck in my head and I gotta get it out so I can read it. If someone doesn’t like it, so what? Cry out into the internet void about it, sweetie, but no one cares. Still gonna write my fics.
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
The better question is can I write a fic without smut? The answer is yes but only a few. I’m here for the fucking. Like, yes, A-plot but I’m trying to see my OTP getting sweaty and talking dirty and blowing out each other’s backs, please and thank you.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No one’s ever taken one of my fics and replaced the names and shit and posted it, if that’s what you mean. This is fanfiction, we’re all stealing the original ideas and characters in the first place and toying with them. But never had a fic stolen, never stolen a fic. Not my thing.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, the lovely winterandmistletoe translated Ghost is a Good Boy to Russian a few years back, which I thought was pretty dope.
Have you ever co-written a fic?
I have - one complete and one in-progress with @magali_dragon
What’s your all time favourite ship?
I’ve had a lot over the years (aka I am old). It wasn’t called shipping way back then in the early to mid-90’s but I shipped the hell out of Clois, BatCat, Buffy/Angel, Jim/Pam, Sydney/Vaughn (Does anyone even remember Alias anymore lol), and of course Jonerys. All-time favorite is probably Clois just because, you know, haven’t had to watch big soft boi Clark kill Lois onscreen or anything, but Jonerys is still my doomed baby pairing deep down.
What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I honestly don’t know. I have quite a few for GOT that I’ll eventually finish but I’m kinda on a fandom break from Jonerys while I re-obsess over someone of my long-forgotten ships (namely Clois and BatCat).
What’s your writing strengths?
Banter, baby, I got jokes for days. For weeks. Months would be pushing it but I’m 40 and tired.
What’s your writing weaknesses?
Lack of planning and always underestimating the amount of free time I’ll have to work on fic. Every goddamn time.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?
I think it’s great but I won’t be inflicting my three years of high school Spanish on anyone anytime soon unless you want a fic where everyone is asking about the locations of the bathroom and the market.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Buffy, a very very very long time ago.
What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
Hmmmm. It’s kinda like choosing between my kids, I guess! I like them all for different reasons, but at the end of the day, it’s probably Art of Deduction (in my current mood, anyway, lol). That fic was a stray shower thought that just wouldn’t go away, and you never know if there’s really gonna be enough meat on the bone when you go to write it, but I was really happy with how it turned out.
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I've known for a while about your Sex Ed tag and I have questions for it, but before I start with the questions, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you having something like this to reassure or teach your followers 🤗 it is so useful and important so I was shocked when I realized there weren't that many asks on it!! But thank you so much for having something like this!! ☺️ my two questions are:
1. Is anal for a woman actually pleasurable? Can just anal do the trick, or is it anal + rub rub 🤔 Also in your ogc drabble, I forgot what it's called I think it's like "First time" or "First time for everything" idk but is that actually possible, like near the end, where jk angles himself to stimulate ocs g spot while in the other hole? Eww that sentence sounded so weird.. sorry 😅
2. Does anal just feel like pooping or something?
Sorry if my second question is really weird I'm just curious though 😅 love this tag btw 🥰💖💗💗💖
I'm happy you like my Sex Ed tag! You are so sweet hehe, I'm always happy to help and give lil tips & tricks 🥺💜
Now to answer your questions.
Is anal for a woman actually pleasurable? Can just anal do the trick, or is it anal + rub rub 🤔
Well I would first answer this with it all depends on how into anal you are. If you aren't into it at all, you won't enjoy it. But if you are really into it, it's the best thing ever. Because for me solely anal is enough to make me literally see stars, solely because I enjoy it so, so much. Now, rubbing your clit most definitely makes it even better, but tbh? Just getting a big cock or veiny dildo shoved up your ass is 100/10 and the ultimate feeling.
So I would say it all depends on the person and just how obsessed with anal they are.
It's also very important to mention that anal sex ONLY FEELS NICE WITH LOTS OF PREPARATIONA AND LUBE. Anal sex isn't something you can do as a twenty minute quickie in a random backalley. Proper anal sex, where the penetrated part actually and truly enjoys it as well, takes hours because of the cleaning out, the getting used to, stretching out process. But it's that journey to getting there which is just *chef's kiss*
But is that actually possible, like near the end, where jk angles himself to stimulate ocs g spot while in the other hole?
YES OMFG I learned this one night when I was fucking myself with a big dildo. I was legit going like ":O i have learned". I don't know how well it would work with an actual cock (because he would have to fuck very fast for a long time and we all know how well that works lol), but with the right dildo it is very possible.
Does anal just feel like pooping or something?
I wouldn't say it does? Maybe a little? The going inside part definitely doesn't feel like it. And the going outside part depends on which kind of toy you are using. Anal beads, structured buttplugs, any toy which has a mixture of thicker to thinner parts on it could feel similiar to it? You know it's that change between feeling your hole stretch out and then press the toy out which could feel similiar to pooping. A smooth dildo (or cock yk) feels better. lmao listen, how do I tell you that I lowkey enjoy the feeling of taking a good poop so I CAN'T TELL YOU IF IT FEELS LIKE POOPING BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LIKE TAKING SHITS? ahahahah tmi but I don't care because it's the truth.
But I would say that yes some sensations could definitely be compared to how taking a good shit feels like. But I wouldn't say they are the same. Because with anal sex you know that you are clean and the toys are clean as well AND you can stretch out the sensations by going as slow as you want to, which you obviously can't do when pooping.
Also really quick, deep penetration just feels like deep penetration except that it is in your ass. AND something else is different too. One has the most nerveendings around the rim area, while the vagina obviously has nerveendings further up as well (the g-spot) so getting fucked the traditional way makes you feel the cock go in and out everywhere. While getting fucked anally concentrates 99% of all the sensations on the rim which just bro 🥴 bro I'm telling you, anal orgasms are a different breed of orgasm 🥴
I hope this could answer your questions. This is obviously from a standpoint of someone who really enjoys anal sex, so my best tip here would be to try it out yourself. To clean out beforehand and to TAKE YOUR TIME stretching out. 💜
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Can you please explain Johnny’s chart now that we know his rising? I never saw him as a Virgo rising but people say it makes sense and I’m like??? I’m not too into astrology to know
Yeah I agree with you, virgo was the last thing on my mind, even tho I think I first typed him as Leo Rising after thinking I was like 100% earth (more Taurus than anything) + 5th house placements so I wasn't wrong, but not right either 😂 I am actually excited to do this
𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙞𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙎𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙣𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙑𝙞𝙧𝙜𝙤 𝙍𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜:
It is not the Virgo Rising itself, it's actually where his planets fall that makes perfect sense imo:
Sun and Mercury in the 5th house
I say Johnny has 5th house energy a little too much but I never actually explain why
Sun in the 5th house people are m a g n e t i c. Whether they want to or not, they unconsciously end up being the centre of attention. More times than not people with this placement feel like they were born to do ‘more’ and to shine
5th house suns are warm, generous, creative and for the most part, can be very confident in who they are depending how well or bad aspected this placement is
Even if they are less confident deep inside, they try to be confident and to be that light for others
MERCURY IN THE 5TH -- holy shit, I share this placement and yes, some people find us a bit annoying but we don’t talk about that
People with this placement tend to be very talkative, they don’t seem to run out of topics to talk about, you could put them in a room with anyone and they’ll find a common ground.
Natives of this placement tend to also talk almost with hidden meanings, there is always a tone of innuendo, there is always a joke in there somehow
This placement is very much “primary school teacher energy”
Not great at concentration cos there is just so many things they want to do, they always want to do something new and fun. Mercury shows us how we communicate but also how we think, and in this house it becomes... a lot.
Moon in the 10th house
This placement is very interesting, imo the moon is the most important thing in our chart. It shows you not only what makes you feel comfortable and how you feel, but your relationship with your mother, how you were raised, it’s a one of the most decisive pillars of “you”
It’s cause and consequence, it shows you how you were raised and how that affected present day you
This is stereotypical but his career and status is truly very important to him, he needs it to feel safe and fulfilled. It makes sense how no matter how hard it got, how much they pushed his debut to later, he persevered and is such a hard worker.
A m b i t i o u s
People with this placement are actually very sensitive and have a natural need to care for others, they are easily affected by the outside world which makes them want to almost protect others
It’s honestly such a dad placement
Things associated with this placement are definitely a parent sort of vibe, they are responsible and caring, they worry about others around them
Fun Fact, people with this specific placement tend to attract admiration from others, they inspire security and trust. Other musicians with this placement are John Lennon and Kurt Cobain, both people who inspired millions of people and to this day are remembered
Venus in the 4th house
This is another thing that just painfully makes sense
You know how this man is always like blah kids, marriage, sentimental shit?? THIS is why! This right here, is a big reason why Johnny is the way he is half of the time I swear. The homey romantic vibes? Heavy 4th house venus shit
4th house Venus people are so nurturing, sensitive and calm? Venus most commonly tells you how you are in love, what kind of partners you want but it shows more than that, it tells you how you look after things, your possessions, your aesthetic...
Johnny’s love for soft toys, oversized fluffy clothes, all of that is due to his 4th house Venus. He is also probably very sentimental with things from his childhood, or things that remind him of home
When they fall in love, it is serious because their mentality is for the long term, they are very family oriented hence why they can be wary of who they date
People with this placement have the nicest houses and rooms cos they just know how to make a house a home, it’s always so cozy and dating them would probably feel like like an early morning, wrapped in multiple blanket with the fire place on, hot cocoa and the rain outside
On the downside, people with the placement can be TOO sentimental, to the point where is hard for them to let go of things
Mars in the 12th
Actually this was the only one which was surprising to me, but tbh this is not a side we would often see of Johnny since we don’t know him like that. And 12th house “hides” whatever it falls on, it internalises it to an extent that the native might not actually be aware of this energy
His Mars in Leo makes him quick to anger, but mars in the 12th house makes him hide that anger, bottle it up until it comes out in a scary way because it was left undealt with for too long
Other things in his chart tell us that he has no problem going after things, like going after his career or pursuing hobbies and success. But this right here shows me that in some ways, he is scared to fully express himself due to an unconscious fear to be vulnerable
Sometimes they focus to helping people too much to hide this vulnerability and their own issues
Coming to terms with his own sensitivity and release toxic mentality is something he probably struggled with at some point
On a positive note, people with this placement tend to be very welcoming and open-minded towards other, they show the kindness to others that they don't necessarily show themselves
a lot of bitches with 12th house placements in nct damn
Jupiter in the 3rd
At its most basic, this literally tells you that his talent (Jupiter) is in communication (3rd). Very agile minds, who love learning and acquiring information about different topics, people, things, everything
People with this placement lead the conversation, very positive and enthusiastic in the way they talk with others. Sometimes can be a bit preachy but for the most part they’re open minded, curious, and say what’s on their mind, super expressive when sharing their ideas
@/astroismypassion mentioned that Jupiter in the 3rd native might have moved hometown more than once in their life which I find very interesting as this man moved across the globe to make his dreams come true
Philosophy, arts, cultures, stuff like that is very interesting to them and travelling is a form of mind expansion for them
Jupiter shows us where we have privilege and here it’s education, and a larger than life mentality that them well received by others; they are gifted at communication which means that people usually take them seriously as they can be very eloquent
Saturn in the 6th
Another placement I share with Johnny which I think would be a flex if it wasn’t for the fact that Saturn in the 6th is actually a very difficult position to have. Saturn is not necessarily happy in this house
It shows an obsession with work, keeping a routine, organising but also struggling in all those areas. For example, you obsessively plan your life because you really struggle naturally to follow plans, timetables and stay organise
People with this placement have a tendency to overwork themselves until they’re ill, so health problems might be occur often due to this. You fear failure so it feels like you can never stop working hard, just in case you fall behind. Anxiety, self criticism is very common here
Honestly he has a couple of placements that just scream chronic workaholic
Pisces Descendant:
I don't know if this is weird but I thought he had to have Pisces in a “favourable” house, because he seems to attract or get along with people who have Pisces placements specifically so this is not surprising at all.
I’m ngl this man probably daydreams about his s/o, if he is single he’ll just make up little scenarios in his head or has a very clear idea of the kind of interactions or person he wants
Very idealistic, gentle and compassionate in love but also wants partners that match this energy. Heart on his sleeve kind of vibe
He probably attracts slightly chaotic partners, the dreamy artists types
This man clearly doesn’t want just any love story, he wants the sort of fairy tale romance he can tell his grandkids
7th house is also like enemies and shit, but I’m not going to talk about
Gemini Midheaven
When you meet someone, there is 3 main things you see about them and that is Ascendant, Mercury and Midheaven. Especially when it comes to celebrities, we see their midheaven more than anything
Gemini MC people always have something going on, they have like 5 careers at the same time, very multi-faceted people. They’re not quite happy at doing one thing but they’re also very adaptable
In the work environment, he could adapt to others and very much go with the flow of things, jack of all trades. Whatever happens, he can do it and does it well
For now I am going to go on more explaining why everyone is like uhh it makes sense and later I'll actually make a post with more information, in my drafts I have this one post by xx saved from like a year ago of their personality analysis of Johnny, in which they asked if any astrology people could you know back this up. I had written a whole response to it but now that we know I will make a more detailed response and analysis of his birth chart 👁️👁️
𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊, 𝕷𝖚𝖑𝖚 𝖝𝖔𝖝
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Prodigal Son star Michael Sheen on the 'absolute joy' Martin takes in the Claremont murder
The actor takes us inside the mind of a serial killer.
Warning: This article contains spoilers for Prodigal Son season 2, episode 4, "Take Your Father to Work Day."
The titular offspring on Prodigal Son had plenty of time to bond with his serial killer father on this week's episode of the Fox procedural.
When a murder took place right under Martin "The Surgeon" Whitly's (Michael Sheen) nose, his son, Malcolm (Tom Payne), and the NYPD crew were brought in to help solve the crime — and as you can imagine, Martin was just delighted at the prospect of quality time with his boy.
Of course, Ainsley (Halston Sage) wanted to tag along to see if there was a newsworthy story to uncover, but once she started remembering more about what happened the night of Endicott's (Dermot Mulroney) death, she turned to her father for answers about what was going on. To make the family reunion complete, Jessica (Bellamy Young) also found herself calling her murderous ex for some insight into their children's minds.
With all the drama taking place inside Claremont, the prison where Martin is incarcerated, the episode allowed for a lot more time spent with Sheen's bafflingly charming serial killer. We chatted with the actor about getting inside a murder's mind and what's to come for the Whitly family in the show's second season.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: In this episode, the team is in Martin's territory. Is this the most screen time you've had in this series so far?
MICHAEL SHEEN: It's a funny, the thing about the way we shoot the show, and particularly the way we shoot my stuff, we now shoot multiple episodes at the same time. I can sometimes find it quite difficult to remember what's in each episode. But this particular episode was a very, very different field for me. My experience of working on this show has been a kind of opening up as it's gone on. There were actors in the core cast that I hadn't even met, let alone worked with, when we got to the end of the first season. I didn't get to do a scene with Aurora [Perrineau] or Frank [Harts] or Keiko [Agena] until really late in the first season. I would just do scenes with whoever walked into my cell, unless it was a flashback, and then it'd still be with people within the family. So things have opened up more and more as it's gone along. So in this episode, the fact that the investigation comes into Claremont opened it up again, and of course for Martin that is just absolute joy.
Right, it's safe to say Martin is having a lovely time throughout most of this episode.
Yes, because they're all coming into his world and I meet Edrisa [Agena], and Gil [Lou Diamond Phillips] has to come in, and my kids come in! I'm working with my own son on a case in my prison. Martin's just in heaven. It was very enjoyable to do because I got to work with people I haven't worked with before and work with the same people in different ways. I got to play basketball, for instance.
Yeah, you got some outdoor time!
It's funny because Martin would love having outdoor time. Michael doesn't love it that much because it's quite cold. I quite enjoy being in my cell with my cardigan on.
One of the people Martin gets some quality time with in this episode is his daughter, Ainsley. How much do you think he's enjoying this newly discovered murderous streak in her? Or is he more interested in just spending time with her regardless of the reason?
I think it's a lot of things for him. There's a real delight in seeing this flower that has grown in the dark. Malcolm is the flower that has grown in the light, and that he has watered and fed as much as he possibly can to try and bring to bloom. She's this extraordinary flower that is actually grown in the dark, without him feeding it at all. There's a special delight to that. For all of Malcolm's experiences that are on the edge of murderous and psychotic and violent, he's never quite tipped into just pure murder, and Ainsley has, whether she's aware of it or not. That creates a special connection for Martin.
That's kind of terrifying.
Yes, it is terrifying. For Martin — and I always try to see it from Martin's point of view — it's both the opportunity to feel known in a different way because somebody else has experienced the thing that he experiences, and it's also an opportunity to feel connected and bonded to someone. It's the same way as a couple of episodes ago, where there was that scene where Malcolm talks to Martin about what it feels to walk around having got away with murder, and that the scary thing is that it didn't feel bad and all that. Martin can now talk about those things that have been such a part of his secret life with someone who's also experiencing aspects of that. That's even more so with Ainsley, because the part that Malcolm hasn't done is to actually feel the liberation of murder, and Ainsley potentially has.
Well, so as not to play favorites, Martin also had a couple of really intense scenes with Malcolm. How much do you think Martin resents Malcolm deep down for sending him to prison? Is that something we're going to get to explore more?
Yeah, I think so. The version of Martin that he allows people to see is such a tiny portion of him. It has an oversized place in the world because it's how he interacts with the world. Even before he was put in prison — when he was still actively pursuing his addiction to killing — the reason he was so good at it was because he was able to develop a persona that put people at ease, that made people like him and not suspect what he was doing. That is a construct he has created. What is actually going on for him is very different. We just don't see that very much because it works for him for people not to see it. But for someone who is so obsessed with control and needs control, there are moments where he loses it and we do see something else. We get a sense of what's really under there. I think there are currents within him that even he only vaguely understands. There are times when stuff comes out that he has decided to let come out, but there are times when stuff comes out that he hasn't decided to come out. In that moment in the cell with Malcolm, something comes out that he's not even aware of. I think he really does have the capacity to feel strong, positive emotions towards Malcolm, but I think he also has massively negative emotions towards Malcolm, because Malcolm is the one who ultimately — as far as he sees it, anyway — took away his control. There is huge oceans of rage in Martin.
It's so great when you're watching it because you can find yourself siding with him and believing he could be a good dad.
Yes, because it's in his interest for people to not think that he's a monster. It works great for the show because the more I hear and read people saying, "Oh, I can't believe I really like the serial killer," I'm like, "That's right. That's how it works." You use what will work for you. There were people who had crushes on Ted Bundy. Use what you've got. Martin uses that and it works very well for him, and it still does in prison.
Do you know a lot more about Martin's past than we've learned on the show so far? Have the writers filled in some of those years of serial killing for you?
We've had conversations about that, and we've got lots of different ideas of things that we could explore. It sort of depends on what the big picture is for the show and what is useful to go into and what's not. A lot of the time it's quite useful for people to not know his past. We know more about him than the audience does, and as to how much we reveal about that — who knows… We'll see.
We'll still be finding out about people he's killed come season 10. So Martin and Jessica also had a cute — but not really cute at all — co-parenting moment in this episode. Is there anything you can tease about what's to come between them this season?
In a way, that's the motor of the show, isn't it? That you've got a family where there's one member that everyone would really rather not have to deal with, but they have to. Jessica is never going to be free of Martin. At the same time, you also don't want to overplay that, so when the moments come between them they're able to have zing to them. I think that that scene between them says so much about the relationship, particularly from Martin's point of view, that he's able to lie so easily to her. He takes a real pleasure in knowing how much she's been duped by him and shocked by him and how much she doesn't know about him. Having spent years and years deceiving her, she now knows who he is and he's still able to deceive her. There's a very special enjoyment in that for him, which is very dark. There's also a real rivalry between them, a parental rivalry. When he has something that connects him to them that she doesn't have, whether that's a piece of information or a connection, both of those things delight him in different ways.
Eek, poor Jessica. Speaking of women in his life, Catherine Zeta-Jones is joining the show soon. Can you tell us anything about her character and how she'll affect Martin?
I think what will be enjoyable for an audience is not knowing what's going on at any given point. What I will say is that it puts Martin into new territory and therefore the audience will be in completely new territory, in terms of what they're seeing Martin doing and how he's reacting to things — and that's really exciting.
Prodigal Son airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Fox.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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#michael sheen#prodigal son#martin whitly#tom payne#lou diamond phillips#prodigal son s2#bellamy young#malcom bright#catherine zeta jones
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ashley tempest winthrope.
thirty six. defense attorney. jai courtney.
“You're supposed to grow out of your horridness, aren't you? I don't think I ever grew out of mine. Sometimes I think it's still inside me, like something nasty I swallowed, that got stuck...”
content warning: mentions toxic, co-dependent relationships; abuse; death of a peer/family member (via murder).
dominant traits. logical, charismatic, gentleman, stoic, focused, patient, selectively affectionate, charming, observant, cautious, possessive, unpredictable, self-preserving, forceful, obsessive, demanding, melancholic, aggressive, irritable, distrusting, unrelenting, loyal, easily jealous, less hair-trigger more berserk button, no-nonsense, quick thinking, dishonest.
fictional parallels. elijah mikaelson (the originals); geralt of rivia (the witcher); henry winter (the secret history); pope cody (animal kingdom); richie gecko (fdtd the series).
○ born into the winthorpe family; known for their successful generational family law practice, as councilmen from neighboring townships, and good for nothin' criminals who latched onto the teat of a community that's long-since given up on them like leaches─depending on what side of miriam's well it is you live in. ashley's particular branch is the former. estate house in rosebush hill drive, debutant turned matron belle mother who just can't seem to find her way around or out of other people's business (including, if not almost invariably, that of all three of her children), and a certain amount of respectability he was brought up to live by.
○ on the surface ashley winthorpe is a deliciously handsome man. wealthy and put together. takes pride in his appearance and family name. he's also well-mannered and polite, and thoughtful in such infinitesimal ways that you never really think much of until after the fact. and there is something so very not right about him. he has a kind smile that never quite reaches the edges of his eyes and though it doesn't necessarily look disingenuous, there's something about it that doesn't exactly leave you with a sense of ease. like an unfamiliar gesture that's been practiced over and over, so many times that it's lost meaning. like it takes the muscles in his face a moment to pull before they settle in the correct spots. he'll have a conversation with you and while at times it seems he's looking right through you, others will have his attention so intensely undivided it feels as if you've been bared naked and left in a cold room. like you've just been caught lying about something and he knows. somehow, he's known all along. because he listens intently when you speak to him and you suspect somehow he never forgets a single thing he's heard.
○ there's no mistaking his booming voice, jarring, even at a whisper sending shockwaves through your core that has you on high alert. even when it's soft and lulling (in an attempt to offer comfort or catching him melt into the woman he's declared the love of his goddamn life from the corner of your eye through the crack in his office door), there's something threatening that looms. less like hard blunt force and more like a living, breathing fog that blankets you with strong arms, settles deep into your gut, coils itself around your innards, and wrings you dry. the confusing part? you know, without a doubt, he would protect you with no hesitation and ask for nothing in return. and, most of the time, you'd be right. because ashley winthorpe is a good man. no matter how your instincts thrash, screaming at you otherwise.
plot hooks.
i apologize, some of these are all very specific to a singular plot and i could've just included them in a legit request 😬🙃
○ sandbox love never dies. a very specific and imperfect friend group cast in the roles of bastard, bleeding heart, damaged, golden, grim, ingénue, temptress, and wild card. they've been together since any of them can remember. spent their whole lives dreaming about trying to get out of miriam's well, but instead only found tragedies that bind them to each other. tragedies, usually, of their own making. you'll be able to read a little more about these characters in the sandbox love request, which i promise is coming!! there is a doc in the works with more information + a plot server, so expect to be part of those things if you take one of these babes!
○ his secretary. in the past he's helped her out with something legally and she's kind of in his debt, though he insists time and time again she owes him nothing of the sort. i figured it'd be something along the lines of strong holding an ex-boyfriend or husband who wouldn't leave her alone (making her miserable, or something like refusing to pay child support he'd been ordered to pay, dragging her name through the mud, etc. general nuisances to nip in the bud/bad behavior in need of correcting before they became worse as they usually do. you get the idea), because that's notoriously right up his alley. likely using non-legal means to get there; intimidation is sort of his thing. and while he may not be the type of boss or co-worker who meets you for drinks after you clock out, he does have an affection for every single one of his employees and seeing as how she works with him the most, she'd be near the top of that list. maybe she was intimidated by him in the beginning and now she knows he's not everything he appears to be. and they have an understanding.
○ the weight of his guilt. [cw: murder. this will come much later in the plot!] the winthorpes are a family on two very extremes of a type of people. [the bastard] is his cousin on his father's side, a wayward little sister who got knocked up by someone unbefitting of the family and then marrying someone worse by their standards when the father got himself put away over an affair or something just as unbecoming. ashley was always raised closely with [the bastard], his father's hope to sway the boy of many wasted talents to the right side of the family, to make something of himself. but he's a product of his lineage. and only ever finds situations for ash to get him out of. eventually, [the bastard] who he will murder, cold and bloody and bury at the base of an old oak tree will disappear. and ashley's guilt will cause him to reach out. as far as anyone knew, they were the best of friends. always together (even if that relationship was practically handwrought by his father, and he had little-to-no patience for his cousin's antics). it'll be only natural that he come by every now and again to check on them, show care, help fix up things around the house that [the bastard] would have if he were still around. because it'll ultimately be ash's fault he's gone. partially. [the bastard] will deserve what he gets and no one who'll know will be able to convince him anything otherwise, but his family didn't deserve the fallout that came after. maybe a parent or sibling or someone [the bastard] claimed to love while making his way through the female population of miriam's well.
○ the other two winthrope children. they're expected to be upstanding citizens to combat the trash reputation the other winthrope side creates. father is one of a long line of lawyers (with a main practice just outside of town, ashley's secondary office in mw because he prefers it here) and mother is a homemaker whose extracurriculars might as well be solid, paying jobs. they have three children together; ashley (being the oldest son), a daughter magnolia (and the only girl -- taken by sage), and the youngest son, credence (who is very likely expected to join the family business, like ashley). i don't expect anyone to make the parents even though that would be incredible? but they all still have rooms at their home in rosebush hill drive to use at their leisure. it wouldn't at all be out of the question that some of the children still live there -- especially the daughter if she's unwed. they're very old fashioned southern that way. they do these big family events where everyone is expected to participate, go on vacations and holidays together, and church on sundays regardless of your personal beliefs on the matter (that you had very well better keep to yourself if they don't align, ashley has learned). their grandfather also lives in the family house after losing grandma a few years back.
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