#but ........ in the end this somehow felt easier tbh
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blessing and curse
summary: yuuji is a wonderful boyfriend...you just wish he was able to fuck you...
warnings: post shibuya, aged up duh, yuuji struggles with ptsd, night terrors, as well as anxiety, you both see therapists, oral (fem receiving), penetrative sex, fem!reader, pet names, (pretty girl, baby, cutie, etc), rough sex.
wc: 3k
a/n: this is my first yuuji piece nom nom nom i'm actually obsessed and soaking wet tbh i'm thinking thoughts for yuuji.........anyway to my lovely requester i hope you enjoy this <;3
jjk masterlist here
yuuji feels things very intensely. it’s a blessing and a curse, though the latter is more often experienced than the former. guilt, loss, regret–all things that nearly swallowed him whole while he fought for his friends and the people of japan–for the whole world. it’s so hard to be him, to live with what he carries on his shoulders–on his soul. he’s unloveable. he’s the one who caused all of the pain—things would have been easier if he died. there’s a number of people whose lives ended because of and for him. he was only just adjacent to a murderer. months after the fighting ceased and the war was won, he would wake up numerous times through the night with night terrors. he couldn’t even call them nightmares because they weren’t fabrications of his imagination. they were all too real memories that kept making their rounds–reminding him that he would be forever burdened with a layer of hell no one else could claim to know about.
he met you in the waiting room of his therapist’s office. he remembers seeing you and wondering what you could be talking to his specialist about. it meant you also had to be a sorcerer—clearly he couldn’t see a normal one about his specific traumas and baggage, and apparently neither could you. he remembers not even knowing you and his heart still hurting for the pretty young girl that must be hurting like him. he remembers hoping that you hadn’t been through anything like what he had—the anxious voice in the back of his mind wondering if somehow he caused your pain via sukuna’s rampages or the destruction and death that followed him. he remembers you meeting his eyes on a seemingly unremarkable thursday afternoon, catching him in the middle of one of his staring way too long episodes. you narrowed your eyes and tilted your head at him in amusement.
the rest was easy. you were easy to talk to, to admire, to hold, to love. you made him feel intense things in a good way–in a way he had nearly given up on. his world had slowly become a mixed palette of blacks and whites and muted grays–but your smile brought color back. your touch made vivid purples and yellows; your laughter the brightest of pinks and the most warm oranges. you became the blessing where he was the curse, the savior of a damned man bound to paint on smiles and pretend that sacrificing his soul and everyone he’s ever loved was worth it. now he felt unimaginable comfort and love by getting to know you. his smiles weren’t so fake anymore—and the only things that woke him in the night was losing you. truly the only fear that yuuji itadori has left: cursing his blessing.
you thought he was the best boyfriend around and an even better man. you’ve slowly but surely unraveled the reason he was visiting the therapist through his eventual opening up to you and telling you just a fraction of what he’s experienced in his life and you can understand his intimacy issues. see…yuuji is easy to love. he’s wonderful, attentive, sweet, careful, strong and chivalrous. but he won’t fuck you. you’re too nervous to push him any further—all too aware of his fears of letting anyone in, of loving and showing that in ways that make you vulnerable. he’s all too conscious of what it would mean��of the danger he would be putting you in.
there’s been many times here lately that you’ve thought that line will finally be crossed—heavy petting and make-outs that get you squirming in his lap and soaking through your panties. it always goes this way, no matter how innocent the two of you try to keep your dates. move night, game night, even cooking together ends up with yuuji’s tongue down your throat and his hands under your shirt. tonight is no different, some youtube video plays in the background—a forgotten video game walkthrough that yuuji had been paying careful attention to until you leaned in to rip it away with those teasing kisses to his jaw. you know exactly what buttons to press after four months of nothing past second base driving you to a point of restlessness.
you just wanted him to see your perseverance. you would do this for as long as it takes, anything to prove that you’re here to stay. you want to make him comfortable enough to tear those walls down—the ones that make his eyes flutter shut and his hands fist at his pants in order to keep them to himself. his eyes close to will himself to concentrate on something–anything—other than the feeling of your warm lips tracing his pulse, smooth fingers sliding under his shirt to outline the dips and muscles of his torso. it’s not that he doesn’t want to this, he craves you like nothing ever before. your touch is the medicine bringing him back to life, but he can’t allow himself to ruin you—taint you. but as you move into his lap and change your kisses to more intense nips and sucks at his skin, his body betrays his mind. he can feel the blood rush to his cock as your thighs trap him beneath you, and he moans out at the same time you do. the pressure of your clothed cunt sitting against his needy dick has his hands moving before he can tell himself to stop. he grabs your waist, accidentally and automatically rutting up against the friction you offer with a hiss.
“fuck, cutie.” he groans, your lips covering his parted and pouty ones to keep him from protesting further. his fingers only dig into your side as the two sides of his mind argue with each other. he wants you badly, your body slotted against his perfectly and the way you kiss him like you’re trying to touch his soul drives him crazy. anyone with a girlfriend as hot as you would be a fucking idiot to keep denying himself of her. his hands knead the warm flesh of your body as an instinct, his body knowingly responding to your advances. his tongue slides over yours in a frenzy, his head becoming fuzzy as saliva trails down his chin—something in him telling him to stop when his hands slide upwards to palm your chest. you cry out at the feeling—so starved for his affection that you know you’re soaking wet already. just his rough hands scraping over your sensitive nipples sends you into rutting rhythmic circles of your hips over the tent in his pants, breaking your sloppy kiss in order to remove your shirt fully in a silent show of what you wanted to happen next.
“aw baby—you know i can’t,” he whines, his lips swollen and even pinker than usual. he drops his hold to your hips, making comforting circles over the bone beneath his grasp. your face drops to instant heartbreak and he can feel his own heart try to rip itself apart for making you so sad. he never thought about how this must affect you, a woman with needs and desires for her boyfriend. he knows this can’t last much longer or he’ll lose you anyway. the room is just a mixture of your heavy breathing and the monotone droning of the tv for a few moments, and then you whine in retaliation, picking up his hand and moving it back to your breast. you search his eyes, seeing the fear flickering in those brown embers of his. you just need to show him there’s nothing to be scared of, that you need him worse than you need the oxygen in this room and would do anything for him today and forever.
“yuuji,” you gasp out in such a voice that he knows he won’t be able to hold back this time. four months of seeing your body in your cute date outfits and in his shirt after you’ve spent the night; the feeling of your curves under his fingers as he guides you to the safe side of the sidewalk or the swell of your hip as he guides you through the door he’s just opened—four months of draining his balls after he’s sent you home with nothing more than a few wet kisses and tit-squeezes. the way your eyes shine like you’re about to cry if he denies you one last time…it’s too much. “please—i need you,” you breathe out, reaching those gorgeously soft hands out to sweep against his cheeks, to plead with him to be a good boyfriend. he can’t make you suffer any longer—”i need you so bad yuuji, please don’t push me away…i’m your forever girl!”
oh fuck. he might cum in his pants from hearing that alone. suddenly, silence falls upon his mind. he can only hear the echoes of your cries for him–no more voices in his head arguing about the best way to continue, only you. a guttural groan rips from his throat and he stands with your legs wrapped around his body, a broad hand snaking up your back to keep you pressed against him. you squeal a little at the sudden shift and the deep growl that he let out, his face now devoid of that playful man you’ve come to love. he looks so focused, so serious, his brow furrowed as he looks over your face.
“i’m sorry i made you wait so long, pretty girl.” he nods, letting your body bounce on the bed as he’s set on immediately removing the remainder of your clothes. he pulls you to the edge, legs dangling over the sides. you almost think it must be too good to be true, sitting up on your elbows to catch a glimpse of that ravenous fire consuming his previously kind eyes. he’s leaned back to peel his own clothes off, but his eyes never leave your body. he looks over your lip pinched between your teeth to your pebbled nipples to the glistening slick coating your inner thighs. he doesn’t even know where to start, but he’s going to ensure that you’re finally taken care of. “i’m a dumbass—thought i was keeping you safer like that.” he mutters, leaning over to kiss the space between your ribcage. he makes his way to your jaw, licking a hungry stripe between your breasts and claiming your neck with bruising nips at the delicate flesh that greeted him.
you’re set to mewling immediately, the flip switched in your boyfriend making you rub your legs together in anticipation. he chuckles and you can feel him smile against your skin as his hand snakes down to keep you from squirming. he quickly pecks your lips. “m gonna make it up to you now, baby girl.” his eyes are wide, but glazed over with affection. you nod, feeling his strong fingers dig into the supple flesh of your thigh to keep you from closing them, his abs raking over your sensitive clit as he lowers himself to his knees at the foot of the bed. your face burns as you realize what he’s going to do, but he doesn’t give you time to think about it before turning your mind to mush from the feeling of his fat tongue splitting your lips apart and breaching your tiny hole. he seems pleased by the way you react—back arching off the bed and hands gripping at the sheets from the surprising burn. it’s a good burn, the kind you’ve been craving for the months you’ve been with a man who loves you like he does, your wanton moans just cementing that his choice was the right one. he’s growing addicted to this already; your flavor on his tongue, your moans echoing in his ears and your thighs pressing in to the sides of his face. he feels your silky walls clamp down on his tongue, making his eyes roll back at the thought of putting his dick in something so tight. he slurps at the arousal slipping out, sliding his tongue to the hardened bud waiting at the top of your cunt. he wraps his tongue around your clit, making you jolt at the sudden increase in sensation. it’s amazing—goosebumps prickle out over your skin and you reach down to tug at the silky pink locks woven between your fingers. you can feel every nerve running through your body and how it builds with a fiery pleasure that you know only yuuji can give you. “oh my god—yuuji!” you cry out as that pleasure mounts to a tipping point. his teeth scrape against your hood to encourage you to fall over that line so he can see what he’s been denying you of for four achingly long months.
you make the sweetest face when you cum, it has him closing a fist around his own dick to calm himself—the promise of having your pussy making him jerk at his own touch. you even sound so pretty as you shatter, legs jerking and your grip on his hair yanking almost painfully hard. it only makes yuuji smile wider, feeling a bubbly sense of satisfaction ripple in his own gut from making you feel so good.
“nngh, yuuji–” you whine, your vision returning to normal after a few seconds of respite. he’s already pushing you back to the pillows, manhandling you into the bent position he wanted. you’re on your back, knees by your ears and a boyfriend giving you no time to be anxious about the angry and leaky horsecock sliding through your folds. you thought he was a sweet man, and maybe he still is–but his own excitement to have you has him forgetting his normal chivalrous behavior. “fuck–yuuji!” you claw at his biceps, fighting against that true splitting burn. his tongue was nothing compared to the girth he pierces you with—and he’s smiling so tenderly at your wiggling and struggling.
“s’okay, cutie. you can take it, you’re already taking it!! didn’t you ask me to?” he raises a brow, face flashing with mock-confusion as your hands shove at his chest, all in an effort to get used to the feeling of him inside you. his thumb brushes your cheek, his other hand keeping the back of your thigh shoved back. “nyeh—you begged me! come on pretty girl–you gotta loosen up!” he laughs airily, moving the hand from your face back down to pinch and roll your aching clit. you jump at first, the touch sending another jolt of pleasure circulating to your brain–and then you relax enough for him to move. he’s got you folded in such a way that you can hardly breathe–or maybe that’s from how he slams into you recklessly, tip catching on your poor, innocent, cervix each time. it hurts, it burns everywhere—but it’s the best feeling in the world. his breathing grows ragged once he settled into a pace, brutally slamming into you in a way that led you to believe he wasn’t doing this on accident.
soon, your hands around his biceps slip to your sides, eyes lulling into a pleasure-induced haze. you watch him, the twitch of his nose and the way his hair gets curly once it sticks to his forehead from his sweat. he’s perfect, and he’s finally giving you all of himself, really devoting himself to you, conquering any fear. you don’t mind if you’ll be bedridden for the next week—feeling his heavy cock in your chest from how hard he ruts into you—it would be well worth it to hear his grunts and whimpers of satisfaction, to feel the bruising grip he has on your body like he’s afraid you might disappear. it’s all so good, and exactly like you craved. “there she goes—takin’ it like a champ now!” he cheers you on, panting a little as he leans over your body and grabs the headboard, deepening his angle as if he wasn’t already fucking you brainless.
the new angle makes your jaw drop in absolute earth-shattering bliss. you two could be the only people left on earth and you would never know—to consumed in yuuji itadori to notice anything else. you’re back to pawing at his chest, the coil in your gut building rapidly as he fucks into you like his life depends on it. you wanted everything, he’ll make sure he gives you everything. the headboard creaks, the bed moans with you and you truly do worry he might break it for a split second–but his broken moan of your name swallows up any wandering thoughts. a bead of sweat slides down the slope of his nose before it drops onto your cheek, the evidence of his hardwork. he moans your name again, warning you that the end was approaching. you nod as he moves your legs to his shoulders, leaning as close as possible to wrap you in his arms and kiss you in short, desperate bursts. he treasures you more than he thought possible, that look you give him right before your eyes roll back into your head from your orgasm makes his own dick jump within your vice-grip of a cunt. you make that sweet face again, a face he knows he’s hooked on—your pussy spasming around him to welcome his fat load gets him to make his own kind of special and beautiful face, lip between his teeth and adam’s apple bobbing at the same pace his balls slap into your backside. you swear you can feel his heart beating, his lungs filling and emptying as he flattens his chest to yours and fills your guts with his loving cum. he keeps thrusting even after he’s done, just watching your face contort and shift, your body bouncing in his arms. he likes the ache of overstimluation, and loves the way you mewl and hug him, eyes all sleepy and far away.
“that’s it, you did it, so so good.” he praises in a soft tone, kissing your lips and then your nose and then your forehead with equal adoration. “can’t believe i kept us from feeling like that!” he shakes his head, kissing your cheeks to continue showering you in his love if not to keep you awake. he sits back up and slides out of you, quickly snatching his t-shirt up to catch the spillage. it’s hot, watching his seed trickle from your abused pussy—he whines a little at the sight, puppy dog eyes flickering over your body as if to wonder if you could take another round…
now that you’ve gotten him to start, you may never get him to stop.
#kyleewritesjjk#jjk x reader#yuuji x reader#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori x reader#yuji itadori#yuji x reader#yuuji smut#itadori x reader#jjk yuji x reader#yuuji x fem!reader
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I RETURN BEARING DOODLES OF ZE KEIK!
Hello again! :D I felt like drawing Keiki because I had nothing else to do and I also wanted to draw Keiki again because C R E A T E !
{Artists Note}:
So I had some ideas bouncing around for how I wanted to draw Keiki, and the first time I went with a more robotic look that was inspired by BoTW. I also wanted an excuse to try out some stuff with collages, and so I used an 1800s drawing of a skeleton to put this together. I added a face and a head just for fun, but tbh I wasn't 100% happy with it even though I did like how it looked. I might wanna save the BoTW inspired parts for a future Okina design as I think the constellation motiffe some BoTW Sheikah stuff has fits her more (and I have adopted the headcanon that she has prosthetics, I love it so much).
Like ok, context for this is headcanons. So as I mentioned in my post about Eirin, I wanted to play around with the visual idea of gods in Touhou being very much related to what they're gods of.
So at first with Keiki I tried just making her look like a haniwa herself, but I ended up not going with that as I like the idea of her being distinguishable from the Haniwa she creates. So instead, I ended up going with a more cyberpunk aesthetic for her, inspired in part by Cyberpunk Edgerunners (no spoilers plz, I haven't finished it yet). It's also the reason why I did an alternative cyberpunk outfit for her (inspired by a dress I found on Pinterest).
I feel like the hardest things about drawing Keiki are her dress and hair bandanna. In the image above with her normal outfit, I had a lot of struggle with the sleeves, and I couldn't really get her hair bandanna right. In the faces I drew of her I had a slightly easier time, but still, it's hard to get it to look right. However in the alt design I gave her I somehow managed to make it look right??? Don't know what I did there but I actually like how it looks, so I'll keep what I did there in mind for the next time I draw her.
Speaking of her alt design, it was actually a lot of fun for me to do. I imagine that's her more "official" outfit, don't know what she'd where it for but I mainly drew it on her because i had a cool idea ok?
Also, on the day I drew her initial face render, I had watched Serial Experiments Lain and I think those vibes bled into the sketch version. Upon further inspection of the rendered and coloured version it kinda lost that but it's more to try out a different brush for my style.
Also also, I experimented with giving her earrings! Which didn't make it to the final cut, but still wanted to try it out! This also came as a learning experience on what makes Keiki look like Keiki... it's the hair bandanna, every time she doesn't have it, she doesn't look like herself.
To end it off, I think the unhinged Keiki face I drew for her expressions (since everyone I've been drawing recently has kinda all been lookin like varitations of this face -> (o _ o) gonna need to draw more expressions period actually, need practice on that) is now my favourite unhinged Keiki face I've ever drawn LOL. Expect more Keiki sketches in the future because I do love drawing my beloved blue haired blorbo.
#touhou project#art#fanart#touhou fanart#touhou 17#keiki haniyasushin#doodles#art dump#long post#concept art#alt design
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Okok so I have an idea that just came to mind and I wanna know what you think about this
So I was thinking about darling in subordinate au what if they had a crush on dazai/chuuya (or both) at the beginning? I'd imagine they'd get bullied so badly for this
Tbh this is kinda like one of your posts with the yanderes going after a darling they previously rejected
Im gonna do chuuya for this because…i have a feeling i’ve discussed something about liking dazai for this au before…?
it’s easy to be fooled by chuuya at first sight, when you only notice his soft smile from a far distance away. and maybe, because of all the time you spent being crushed under dazai’s heel, it’s even easier to create a fantasy version of him in your head, and fall for him—hard. you tell yourself that if you worked hard enough, dazai would eventually have to let you go, or maybe if he gets tired of you, he’ll shift you over to someone else, maybe even chuuya. you liked to believe that he wouldn’t be so cruel and condescending, just for the little solace your imagination brought you. you liked to believe he would be a better boss, and an even better friend.
of course, all your hopes are dashed when you actually meet him. for starters, chuuya rarely let go of his deep scowl, especially around you and dazai. suddenly, he was so much more intimidating, and the callous way he treated you, whether out of irritation or just because he knew kind treatment would only get dazai angry, only served to make you more terrified. he glares at you, and his words are sharp, painful; like he knows exactly how to get to you. this was far from the chuuya you saw all those days ago. dazai’s perceptive enough to catch on to your longing looks and the droop in your shoulders, and he’s simultaneously amused and annoyed by it. was he giving you so little work that you had time to be catching feelings?
regardless, you suffer. you bury yourself in the work dazai gives you in a pathetic attempt at trying to ignore the heartbreak, and the less you see chuuya, the easier it gets. you foolishly believe that that would be the end of it.
while you’re busy trying to make sure you don’t die while completing the tasks assigned to dazai, you fail to realize that someone else has noticed the lack of your presence. perhaps it’s because chuuya has begun to see you like an extension of dazai; the tail of his shadow, but it felt unnatural to see the taller man prance around the building without you dragging your feet behind him. he would have been stupid to not notice you gawking over him, and chuuya was far too perceptive to miss the dejected expression on your face every time you got remotely close to him, but he just didn’t care. it didn’t matter to him that you probably just wanted a friend—everyone here were barely managing to look out for themselves, let alone make friends, but the part that bothered him the most was how small you looked beside dazai. chuuya was no stranger to witnessing dazai’s more sadistic side, but somehow, he was infuriated by the thought that you could only ever obey the fool’s orders if you wanted to live. it bothered him even more that he couldn’t involve himself in any way, but he wouldn’t be caught dead pitying you. you deserved better than his pity. admiration, maybe for making it this far despite the cruel circumstances. sympathy, because he knew how hard it could be to deal with dazai, but not pity.
somewhere along the way, his feelings of admiration and sympathy and something else turns into a strange fascination, shows as an unexpected interest. he has an eye out for you all the time, just to make sure you aren’t dead in a ditch somewhere. his angry cursing focuses more on dazai and not on you. instead you’re graced with a strange half-smile, if only for a moment. some of the black lizard member, the ones who pick on you—dazai’s pet, as they like to call you, jeering—are found brutally beaten, half-dead and silent despite all demands to know who the attacker was. dazai giggles as he tells you this, like he knows something you don’t. then his voice goes cold and he reminds you that you’re only safe by his side, as his pet. better the devil you know, right? (not that you’d ever claim to know dazai). even mori regards you with slight apprehension, as if in disbelief over something.
the question remains unasked; how did you, measly little thing, cause so much trouble?
chuuya’s acts go unnoticed by you, in fact, you don’t spare him the light of day, more on edge by dazai’s warnings and the strange way everyone seems to watch you. his attempts at conversation register to you as veiled threats, and you’re far too frightened by him to spend even a moment more lingering around him once you sense his presence. maybe the distance should disappoint him, but chuuya’s vague interest in you hasn’t developed that far yet. besides, it’s not too bad to watch over you from afar.
once it does get worse, though, chuuya will try to clear up the misunderstandings. he demands for more of your time, insists that dazai can’t make use of you, stands up for you publicly and makes it clear that he disapproves of dazai’s treatment of you. anything to make you realize his intentions.
#yandere bungo stray dogs x reader#yandere bsd#yandere bsd x reader#yandere bungo stray dogs#yandere bungou stray dogs#yandere chuuya x reader#yandere chuuya nakahara#yandere chuuya#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara x reader#subordinate au 🐟#bsd 🐟#chuuya 🐟#drabble 🐟#ask 🐟#oops kinda rambled#unedited !!
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On a less cheerful note, I was thinking with some frustration that I've reached 2024 and somehow I'm still not okay, even though there are so many good things about my life and so many people in it to help me, why am I like this-
And then I was remembering a conversation I had earlier with another early modernist about how her conservative Southern Baptist upbringing led her to feminism and academia, and how I didn't say "I get it" because I didn't want to make it about my Mormon-raised-with-some-Catholic-influence personal issues when I've had basically nothing to do with Southern Baptist anything.
And then I was thinking about discovering lesbians were a real thing via visiting a church bookstore at around... age 12 and seeing pamphlets for conversion therapy. I don't remember clearly what they said, just that they were from Evergreen whatsit and I was scared for years after.
And gradually, I figured out the weird way that people talked about my bio dad's sister was because she's also a lesbian, but her conservative Catholic family found it easier to pretend not to know. This led to a weird conversation a few years ago with my grandmother (bio dad's mother) where she was asking why I never have any men in my life. I mumbled something about just not really being interested, and she was like ... oh, you're like your aunt :)
me: Um—well—yes.
my grandmother: Just so devoted to your career :) There was this wonderful man I thought she really loved, but she just didn't have space in her life for marriage.
me: *blink*
And I was also thinking about, basically, a million other things from growing up in rural US towns when I did. At the time, much of it felt too individually small to justifiably get worked up about, but much of it still rattles around my mind. Some things were bigger than I even realized, in fairness—say, the Evergreen pamphlets represented something much bigger and worse than I really comprehended at that age. I was pretty much on my way out by the time I fully got it (and Evergreen is more or less gone now, I think—while I'm still here and still queer, hah). Some of the gender shit + homophobia of that time seems almost comically trivial in this era of senators ranting about the corrupting filth of LGBT+ people, or alternately it's so dated that even said senators wouldn't bother.
Anyway, it's kind of wild how I just ... don't think about a lot of this a lot of the time, and actively wonder how certain things got so fucked up in my head even though my life has been easy in many ways. And then I'll have this early modern British lit/feminism conversation and not think about it much at the time (we ended up having a perfectly nice conversation about the Pacific Northwest and the deficiencies of Shakespeare scholarship) and have a mostly good day and then somehow end up staring blankly at the wall at quarter to midnight thinking about how scared I was as a teenager.
I do not like being angry tbh. I'm irritable, sure, but rarely actually angry because I find it so unpleasant, even in the fairly slow and cold way that I generally get angry.
But I've been trying to organize my thoughts and I think I might be angry about this. I was more familiar with "gay" as a slur than as a descriptor into my 20s because, see, the church preferred to talk about people struggling with same-sex or same-gender attraction as part of these earthly trials, not gay people. Describing people as gay might be too validating or something, at least then.
And part of the reason this stuff can be so difficult to navigate in the present is that very "at least then." Because things could get far better than has ever actually happened, and it wouldn't make anything better for who I was at 15. I'm the one carrying that around. Not uniquely, since tons of us came out of that environment and others of similar kinds, but—
Okay, ethically, I believe that people always have the choice to simply do better than they did in the past and this should be encouraged. But that doesn't un-do anything for me.
It's fine and good to say, look, certain things are much better than they were in 2000 (or whenever). And that's true, some things are, and I'm not at all sorry about that. But sometimes it seems like those of us who are still around are supposed to just forget the things that shaped us when we were reaching adulthood, like it doesn't matter any more because that was another time and we're in our 30s or older. Like we shouldn't still be affected by our own pasts, even when the main actors are still around and completely unrepentant, or were hateful until the day they died.
I am angry about it, in my way, I suppose.
#me: i really shouldn't be this screwed up. nothing that bad has ever happened to me#[five hours later]#me: why am i thinking about conversion therapy pamphlets c. 2000 again#anghraine babbles#cw religion#cw homophobia#rare breed of attack unicorn#anghraine rants#long post
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A Different Kind of Eduation: R Is For Role Play (Chapter 12)
ADKoE MASTERLIST
Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader
Series Summary: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.
Chapter Summary: Reader steps out of her comfort zone. Roger steps into the past.
Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, dom/sub dynamics, dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, dialogue heavy, degradation (slut/whore/etc), role play, PIV sex, a littlespanking, restrained wrists
Words: 8,007
A/N: I really make you wait for these don’t i lmao. Originally this chapter had more stuff meant to be in it but while writing it I realised it would end up ridiculously long and tbh I would rather give you 2 short chapters than 1 long one. I can’t make any promises about when the next chapter will be up but it should also be on the shorter side so hopefully that makes it a bit easier to write.
As always *** indicates the smut scene.
Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming@queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave@scorpiogemini
@80s-roger @libsterslobsters @okilover02 @cjand10 @dealorgirl32 @youngpastafanmug @onceuponadetectivedemigod @zeida @demo-wise@yuillfandomqueen @tie-ur-mother-down @rogermyreligion
(idk how many of you are still interested in this fic so if you want your name taken off let me know, or if anyone wants to be added i can also do that)
Once again you found yourself outside Roger’s house, stomach in knots with nerves. Though not the usual nerves. You’d checked the curriculum before you left the house that morning, wanting to be prepared, and the one word that he’d used to describe that week’s lesson had been rolling over in your mind ever since. Roleplay. Somehow the idea of roleplay was more terrifying than all the bondage and spanking in the world could ever be. The arts had never been your forte, and the idea of acting and improvising and playing a character made you feel apprehensive and sweaty. But, you trusted Roger to not force you to do something you really hated the idea of, and so you let yourself in through the front door, as had become the usual custom. You were still providing drinks to accompany the dinners Roger made and, as soon as he saw you, he directed you to grab out a couple of wine glasses from the cupboard. You did so, trying to put your worries about the upcoming topic aside and just enjoy a nice meal with him. Briefly, you wondered if Roger could sense your uneasiness, his gaze settling on you like he was trying to read your thoughts, but then his eyes shifted back to the stove as he asked how your day had been and you gladly accepted the distraction.
It wasn’t until you were settled at the desk in his study that you felt nervous again.
“Okay. Tell me what’s going on, Y/N.” Roger said calmly.
You cringed a little that he’d picked up on your discomfort so easily but tried to keep your voice steady as you asked, “Are we looking at roleplay today?”
“Yeah, that’s correct. You don’t like the idea?”
“I’m doing a biology masters Roger, I’m not an actor. I don’t really want to pretend to get pulled over by a hot cop or whatever.”
Roger chucked, “Fair enough. But I’d have thought this would be one you were looking forward to since it’s going to lead up into CNC and all of that.”
“It is?”
“Mmhmm. I mean, Consensual Non-Consent is just acting out a non-consensual experience. It’s a little more hardcore than the roleplay we’ll start off with, but it is related.”
“Well, when you put it like that...”
“A theory lesson can’t hurt, right?”
“Depends. The last couple of theory lessons you’ve had me trying prac stuff. What exactly are we going to look at?”
“Well, I was going to start off with something easy. We can talk about why people roleplay and go over some of the basic scenarios – the stereotypical stuff like cops and robbers or uh, teacher and student,” he looked mildly uncomfortable but moved passed it quickly, “nurse and patient, that sort of thing. And then we can get into some of the more niche things like petplay and ageplay and then in a couple of weeks, if you’re ready, we can get into CNC and free use and the more intense types of roleplay.”
You hummed in thought, “That sounds okay. I am still a little nervous about the more practical side though.”
“And what exactly is causing those nerves?”
You shrugged, “I already said, I’m not an actor.”
“Neither am I. What’s really the reason?”
For a half a second you considered arguing that he did have a background in performing for crowds, just with music instead of drama, and so he shouldn’t be allowed to make light of your nerves. But in the end you decided that being stubborn about it would just make him push harder, “I don’t want to look stupid. And I can’t imagine not looking stupid while saying that ive been a naughty girl or whatever you’re going to want me to say.” You could feel your cheeks heat as you spoke and looked down to avoid Roger’s eye.
Roger hummed in thought, “Well, that’s fair enough. No one likes feeling or looking stupid. But, counter point, you don’t have to say anything as cliché as that if you don’t want to. And even if you do say something cliché, I promise it will not feel as stupid in the moment as it would if you said it now.”
“Yeah I suppose so, but still.”
“Anyway, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s just focus on going over what roleplay is and how people use it in sexual situations. Okay?”
You nodded your agreement, hoping that knowing more would help you feel less self-conscious.
“Right, well, let’s talk about humans for a moment. We’re a creative species. We’ve been telling stories since before writing was invented, it’s in our nature to imagine, to fantasise. So, of course, it’s only natural that those ideas can become sexual. Imagining something allows people to explore desires in a way that’s safe for them, especially if it’s a desire they wouldn’t normally admit to out loud. Its why romance novels are written. Its why people seek out pornography of specific fetishes. So roleplay is a way for people take those imagined situations to the next level, making it more real by actively participating in it. There are a few different forms that roleplay can take. At the most simple it could be wearing a costume associated with a particular role, like a nurse, or with a particular character, like Princess Leia’s slave outfit.”
“You’re such a dork.”
“That outfit is hot. And it was just an example.” He paused to make sure you weren’t about to interrupt again, “It may just be that wearing the clothes of someone else is enough to satisfy the fantasy, but often there will be a bit more to it. A scenario. You take on those characters and act out a scene. The nurse gives a patient a physical examination, Princess Leia is held captive and tries to bargain for her freedom. There’s some sort of a story involved that the participants act out. And then finally, as an extension of that, there are the taboo roleplays. Things like pet play and age play and CNC. Taboos make people curious, and it’s very natural to think about taboo situations or acts. Roleplaying something taboo gives people a safe way to explore it. And it doesn’t even have to be particularly sexual. Sometimes it’s not about that, it’s just about being someone else, about the feelings you get or the connection with your partner in that unusual situation.”
“That makes sense I guess.”
“One interesting thing to note is that a lot of the “standard” roleplay scenarios are based in power dynamics,” Roger dropped his hands from where he’d made quotation marks, “a cop has power over whoever they arrested, a nurse has power over a patient, a doctor has power over a nurse. Maid’s serve, kings and queens command, the list goes on. So, why do you think that is?”
“Because...Because it’s an easy place to start if you’re interested in dom/sub dynamics?"
“That's absolutely part of it. It’s a great way to dabble with kink, to test the waters so to speak. But I think there’s another bigger reason that people, even very vanilla people, might be interested in roleplay. Power dynamics are so prevalent throughout our society. Everyone has a boss; everyone has had an experience with an authority figure. And it is human nature to take something mundane and create a story where it’s more fantastical, more interesting, maybe even less scary. Or, to create a story that switches the power.”
“Huh. That’s a really interesting way of thinking about it."
“Of course, sometimes getting into a roleplay is how people discover kinks or fetishes and they can be steppingstones to other power based BDSM practices. But I think for most people, roleplay is just something fun that lets them explore something different in an accessible and safe environment. I will admit I did consider starting you off with some roleplay stuff when I was working out the curriculum. I thought that dressing up as someone else might help you feel more comfortable exploring new areas.”
“What made you decide to start elsewhere?”
Roger shrugged, “I knew that CNC and those areas we’re building to would tie into roleplay and I didn’t want to get too close to them too quickly. And I didn’t want you to feel like you had to be someone else to enjoy any of it."
“I think you made the right call.”
Roger smiled for a moment and then seemed to remember he was teaching a lesson, “Okay, Y/N, I want to posit a theory and I want to know what you think about it.”
“Okay,” you said a little taken aback but intrigued all the same.
“I suggest that we’ve already experimented with roleplay.”
For a moment all you could do was stare in confusion, “But we haven’t.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because we haven’t been playing pretend or dressing up as anything. What we’ve been doing is real.”
Roger looked supremely pleased as if you’d fallen into a trap he’d set. “What if I said that roleplay isn’t playing pretend.”
“That's literally what you just said it was. Costumes, pretending to be something you’re not.”
“Well, okay yes, a lot of the time roleplay can be about that. And that’s why you can walk into any sex shop and find naughty nurse costumes or sexy school uniforms or, fuck, even a sexy Santa outfit. But that’s just a side effect of roleplay being a way to feel like something you're not. I could still pretend to be Santa with all the double entendres about presents and chimneys even without a set of suspenders and red knickers.”
You giggled at the image he’d conjured but Roger mostly ignored you.
“The costume just helps the suspension of disbelief.”
“Okay, sure,” you said, still smiling at the thought of Roger dressed in holiday themed lingerie, “I don’t understand where you’re going with it though.”
“Okay well, let’s look at these basic scenarios we’ve been discussing. They take something mundane or even a bit scary – medical check-ups, having a meeting with an authority figure – and turn them into something fun and sexy. And in the process the people involved can explore things that turn them on but that they might feel wary about doing in a non-roleplay situation. Things like being told what to do, or something a little further like handcuffs or punishment spankings. It allows people a chance to try being more dominant or more submissive or even more hyper-sexual than they let themself be in real life. Thus, it’s a way for them to achieve a different headspace or to feel something they wouldn’t ordinarily let themself feel. And isn’t that just what we’ve been doing too?"
“No,” you knew you didn’t sound very certain, but you didn’t want to accept he’d been right too quickly.
“Okay, let’s look at an example. Take Daisy and Jo and their slave/master dynamic. In real life, by law, you cannot legally own another person. They can call each other the right names, they can agree on who gets to make which decisions, they can put their names down on a slave registry, they could even get Daisy a barcode tattoo if they wanted to go that far. And yet, Daisy is still her own person, Jo doesn’t really own her. Daisy has a job, she has hobbies, she has a life outside of their relationship, and she has her own thoughts in her head, her own autonomy. And you heard how when that autonomy was taken from her in a previous relationship, it stopped being a kinky dynamic and turned into actual abuse. Daisy and Jo play around with things that make them feel psychologically as if one really is the other’s slave but, in reality, she’s not. So, in that case, roleplay is no less real than other parts of BDSM. Roleplay is just the closest approximation we can get to it being real before it crosses into abusive, illegal or dangerous territory.”
“That’s a pretty extreme example though,” you counted, feeling as if you were in Roger’s regular classroom discussing the results of an experiment, “What about a stock standard bondage scene?”
“I think it still fits. What a lot of people get out of a dom/sub dynamic is feeling control or lack-there-of, right? And isn’t the bondage just a vehicle for making the submissive person feel as if they have no autonomy or to feel as if they can’t escape? Or for making the dominant feel like they have total control over someone else?”
“I suppose so,”
“Obviously in a safe, sane, and consensual scene that can’t ever really be the case. The sub always has the right to stop things, to say no. There might even be a physical way for them to get out of the bondage if they need to. The ropes just make it feel less like they have the option to get out. Ergo, it’s a form of roleplay. And we can’t ignore spanking. That for most people spanking is intrinsically tied to discipline. That a lot of the ways spanking is portrayed or thought of, both inside and outside the kink community, is related to punishment. That probably the most common spanking scene imaginable is a schoolgirl being punished by her teacher. Dressing up in a short skirt and long socks and a white blouse and promising you’ll do anything for a better grade.”
You swallowed thickly, very aware that you were sitting in front of your professor.
Roger seemed almost as flustered as you felt as he paused. He plucked his glasses from his nose and began to clean them on his shirt hem, his voice a little quieter when he spoke again, “And you don’t even have to get that specific with it. Just the idea of spanking as punishment within a sexual scenario can be construed as roleplay. Chances are the person being spanked didn’t really do anything bad enough to warrant a physical beating.” He put his glasses back on and the tension from moments before disappeared, “And yet everyone involved pretends they did because they enjoy the act of spanking or being spanked and because it makes them feel secure in the dynamic they’ve built. The dom is in charge, the sub obeys, there are consequences for stepping out of those boundaries. They perform their roles, and it makes them feel good and sexually satisfied and bonds them.”
“Fine, okay, maybe you’re right then. But if this was your attempt to make me feel less nervous about doing a roleplay scene in prac, it’s not worked. There is still a difference between the two...even if it’s not as clear as I thought it was.”
“No, you’re right, I do think there is a distinction. But I don’t think that distinction is based on one being more real than the other. And really, it’s up to the individual to figure out where that distinction lies for them. But I also think that if we consider them essentially the same thing, or at least closer related than one initially presumes, it can help you remember one very important fact.”
“Which is what?”
“BDSM is a conscious choice. And to me, knowing it’s a choice offers so much more safety and security than considering it “real” does. Whether I’m acting as the dom or the sub, it's a reminder that everyone involved has actively chosen to be there and if that desire to be there changes, everyone has the option to say as much. Which ultimately makes things more enjoyable.”
You’d already known that Roger cared about your safety and how much you enjoyed yourself, but you couldn’t help but be touched by his obvious enthusiasm for the topic and his sincere way of expressing it. It was something you hadn’t been able to properly appreciate when you first started your lessons, but the more time you spent with Roger, the more he voiced his thoughts on sex and BDSM relationships, the more you found yourself admiring him. It made you feel like you’d definitely picked the right person to learn from.
“We have two options now. Number 1, we can keep going with theory and look at some more specific areas of roleplay, maybe more taboo stuff like pet play and age play. Give you a sense of where roleplay can lead and how different dynamics like that work. Or, number 2, we can discuss some options for a possible prac scene and, if we can settle on something we both like the sound of, maybe we could try it out. I’m going to leave it up to you though. Whatever you're comfortable with. Although I will say, I would feel better about exploring CNC with you the coming weeks if we’d played with a simpler roleplay before then.”
“So I have to roleplay then.”
“It doesn’t have to be anything big and it doesn’t have to be tonight. But, yes, I would like it if we did.”
“Did you have any scenarios in mind for us to do in prac?”
“Nothing picked out but I can offer some suggestions you might like.”
“Okay, hit me.”
Roger hummed in thought, “I mean, basically anything can be a roleplay scenario. 1950s housewife and her husband, royalty and their servant, strangers meeting at a bar, a couple engaging in an adulterous relationship. Even fictional characters are possible. Are you into superheroes? I could be uhhh, I don’t know, Batman? Save you from some danger and you’re so gratefully horny about it.”
You snorted, “Maybe something else.”
“Do you want to go with something vastly different from our actual lives or something that’s a bit more familiar?”
“Umm, maybe something more familiar would be easier to do without feeling like a complete wanker.”
“In that case,” he made a clicking sound with his tongue as he considered your options, “you could be the babysitter I hired to look after my kids. Orrrr, I could be a repairman fixing something for you.”
You didn’t hate the sound of either of them but also weren’t totally sure you wanted to do either and made an uncertain noise in response.
“I suppose if you wanted we could do a teacher/student thing.”
You shook your head, “That’s too much like real life, I think it’d make me feel weird.”
“Okay, good,” Roger sounded relieved, “In that case...maybe something with a similar dynamic but less baggage... a boss and employee? You could be asking for a raise or something like that.”
You shook your head again, though more out of amusement than disinterest.
“There is always a doctor or nurse thing, we both know biology after all. Or, well okay, this one might be a bit weird but hear me out.”
“Okay,”
“I could be a rockstar and you could be my groupie.”
“Oh,”
“Is that a good oh or a bad oh?”
“Neither I just wasn’t expecting it. But I kind of like it I think.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think I could be your groupie.”
“Hanging off my every word,” Roger said suggestively, gesturing between you as if to say just like you are right now. “Willing to do whatever it takes to keep my attention.”
“Something like that, yeah.” you laughed, “It seems doable.”
“Alright, that’s settled then. So what sort of kinks would you want to include?”
“Umm the usual stuff I guess, a little bit of degradation, maybe some spanking.”
“Bondage?”
“I don’t think I feel like that today. Not anything like ropes or cuffs, but I think I’d be okay with you physically holding my wrists or something.”
Roger hummed in thought, “That all sounds very reasonable. Any thoughts to positions?”
“Umm, not really. I’d be up for most things I think.”
“I think I have some ideas then. Are you ready to get started now?”
You were a little torn, the part of you that enjoyed having sex with Roger more than ready to go but the part of you that was apprehensive about acting was more in control, “Maybe a little more theory first. And maybe another drink.”
“Okay,” Roger gave you a reassuring smile, “I’ll grab us a top up and then we can talk a bit about where we’re going with roleplay.”
When Roger handed you the glass of wine it was hard not to gulp it down in an effort to quell your anxiety.
“You know if you get too drunk we won’t be able to do any prac and we’ll have to come back to it another night. And I’d have to insist on full sobriety that time.”
You narrowed your eyes at Roger and took a smaller sip before putting the glass down, “So what else have you got to teach me about roleplay?”
“We might as well start talking about the more taboo forms. I mentioned age play before but I don’t get the sense Dylan is particularly interested in it, so I wasn’t intending on going into detail. All you really need to know is that it’s a form of roleplay that involves someone acting a different age than they are, typically younger.”
You’d never seen Dylan look at anything like that before and he’d never mentioned it so you felt confident saying, “Yeah, I don’t think Dylan would be into that.”
“Okay, good to know. The other one I mentioned was, of course, CNC. But I don’t want to start on that until we can dedicate a whole lesson to it because it’s complicated and I want to make sure we cover everything. Which leaves just one other example I gave, pet play. How much do you know about it?”
“I’ve heard of it, but I don’t really understand it.”
“At its most basic, pet play is a kink in which one or more participants role play as an animal.”
You dutifully noted down the definition, the familiar act putting you more at ease.
“Technically it comes under a wider umbrella of animal play, but I think pet play would be the more familiar term to most. There are those that engage in animal play as foxes or wolves or even mythical creatures like unicorns and dragons. But pet play as a specific subsection of animal play revolves around acting as more common animals like dogs and cats and horses.”
“So, if it’s taboo and about animals, is it like roleplaying bestiality?”
“No. Typically engaging in pet play is, like a lot of role play in general, more about exploring different behaviours and desires, than actually being an animal. Someone who explores pet play as a puppy might be attracted to it because it gives them a space to be playful and bouncy and loose. Or it might be because they really like the dynamics involved in being trained to do something. Whereas a someone roleplaying as a kitten might be interested less in the training and more in physical affection while still being able to play and scratch and bite.”
“Uh huh,” you weren’t totally sure you understood it, but it did make pretending to be a groupie sound less daunting.
“The other thing with pet play is it’s not always about sex. It’s a fun way to show and receive affection – being petted or groomed, curling up on their partner’s lap, playing silly games, just being looked after.”
“That does sound kind of nice.”
Roger smiled, “Yeah, it can be. But we can get more into that another time. For now, let’s just stick to human role play.”
Roger frowned at his phrasing for a second and you couldn’t help but snort and roll your eyes.
“There’ll be none of that when you’re my groupie,” he playfully scolded, giving you a little wink, “Are you ready?”
You took a nervous breath, “as I’ll ever be I think.”
Roger gave you an affectionate look, "Give me a couple minutes to get a few things ready and then meet me in my music room.”
*****
As soon as Roger left you reached for your glass again, downing the wine quickly. You poured yourself another half glass and drank as you thought. Groupies. You understood the basic premise and you could see the appeal in sleeping with band members, in an abstract sense. But you weren’t sure how much of what you knew was even close to accurate. You were mostly going off depictions you’d seen in fiction. Roger definitely knew more about it than you did, even if his band had only lasted a short while. So what would he be expecting you to say? How would he expect you to act? It made your stomach twist uncomfortably and you put the glass of wine down. You didn’t feel much like a groupie. Glancing down at your outfit you thought you probably didn’t look much like a groupie either. But maybe you could fix that, at least a little. Roger had mentioned costumes and outfits as a way to help feel more comfortable in a role play scene so, grabbing your bag, you ducked into the nearest bathroom. There wasn’t a lot you could do with your clothes but thankfully you’d taken to wearing skirts whenever you had lessons. The one you’d chosen fell just above your knees, but you were able to fold the waistband over itself a couple of times to shorten it. The shirt was a little harder to alter since it wasn’t a button up. You experimented a bit with tying it up at the hem but didn’t really like the effect so instead settled for just taking your bra off underneath it. The material was thin enough that Roger would probably be able to see your nipples and that definitely sounded like something a groupie would do. You touched up your makeup and applied some lip gloss you found at the bottom of your bag, and then as a finishing touch you shook your hair out to make it seem a little messier. Looking at your reflection you decided that at least you'd been able to do something to alter your appearance. That was when you heard the drumbeat, Roger’s signal that he was ready for you.
He didn’t seem to be playing any specific song, at least not one you were familiar with, but the beat did make you feel a little more at ease as you headed toward the music room. Something about the background noise made it a little easier to believe your roles. And seeing Roger made it easier still. The door was ajar as you approached it, but you knocked all the same, pushing it open nervously. You noticed the flannel shirt immediately. It must have been one he’d had for a few years because it seemed worn and faded and a little tight around his upper arms. It was completely unbuttoned, his bare chest visible, and you were immediately reminded of the band photo that had been so popular on the university meme pages.
Roger grinned when he saw you, not even attempting to hide the up and down look he gave you as he twirled his drumstick between his fingers.
The movement immediately caught your eye, and you couldn’t help but be turned on, even though you still felt a little silly standing in his doorway.
“Can I help you?” Roger asked when you didn’t say anything.
“Oh, um,” you could feel your cheeks warming as you tried to think what to say, “I just wanted to tell you I loved the show.” You cringed a little at what you’d come up with, feeling it was a little cliche, but it must have been alright because Roger responded with a lazy smile.
“Glad to hear it love. How’d you get backstage though?”
You heart stopped for a moment as you internally panicked. Why had you spent so long on your appearance without spending a single moment preparing a backstory or anything useful to say.
“Don’t over think it, you’re doing great,” Roger said, dropping the cocky rockstar act and nodding in encouragement. And then, as quick as it had gone, the rockstar was back as Roger relaxed into his seat again, spinning his sticks absentmindedly. “How’d you sneak in?”
“No one stopped me,” you shrugged, unable to come up with anything better on the spot.
“Well it’s a good thing. I love talking to fans.” His voice dripped with innuendo, and you found yourself swallowing hard in response.
"I was hoping you’d want to...talk. I’m such a big fan.”
Roger beckoned you towards him, “Close the door, love, I’d hate for our chat to be interrupted.”
Your stomach did another flip, although a much pleasanter one, as you stepped further into the room. It helped that Roger seemed so at ease playing his role. You could easily imagine him playing for a crowd, flushed and sweaty as he banged out a beat. Even now with shorter hair and more of a dad bod, if he announced tomorrow that he was quitting teaching to go back on tour you would have no trouble believing him. He just looked right behind his drums. Not to mention hot as hell.
��Do you want to touch it?”
“Touch what?” you blurted, worried you’d missed something while you’d been distracted by the thought of a sweaty Roger pounding away at his drums.
“My kit of course,” he laughed, grabbing your hand and bringing it to one of the cymbals, “You seemed pretty enamoured with it.”
“Oh, yeah, it’s um bigger up close than I was expecting.” The cymbal felt cool under your hand but you had to assume that was partly from how warm you felt, embarrassed both at the cheesy line you’d just said and that he’d caught you daydreaming.
“Not the first to tell me that,” he replied with a wink and an easy suggestiveness that made you feel somehow even more warm. “I could show you how to use it.”
“I’d love that,” you gushed, not entirely pretending. The drums did seem like fun.
You let Roger lead you around to his side of the kit, his hands settling nicely on your hips as he guided you to sit on his lap. The whole situation made you feel giggly and for a moment you forgot it was role play, wondering at when you’d got so bold as to hit on a rockstar but glad that it seemed to be working. And it definitely seemed to be working if the semi pressing into your backside was anything to go off. You suspected you were not the only one who’d felt the need to get rid of underwear. Roger’s breath hitched softly as you wriggled against him and he quickly guided his leg between yours, putting you on his thigh rather than his lap. You didn’t mind so much though, especially when he shifted, and his thigh pressed up into your cunt. Roger’s hands meanwhile were also moving, rising up your sides, the light trail of his touch making you shiver and your stomach clench with anticipation as he neared your breasts. You nearly groaned in disappointment when he pulled them away too soon and heard Roger chuckle in your ear as he reached for you hands instead. He pressed the drumsticks against your palms and then wrapped his hands over yours, guiding your movements to bang out a simple beat. The drumming was fun but it was hard to focus when his hands felt so warm and large against yours, and his breath tickled the side of your neck.
“You’re a natural,”
You grinned, feeling quite pleased with yourself, until you gasped when Roger pressed his foot down on the kick drum pedal and you bounced on his thigh unexpectedly.
“Too fast for ya?” he asked cockily.
You turned your head to try to see him better, “No, I’m a quick learner.”
“Well show me what you’ve got then.” His hands moved down to your hips again, pulling you snuggly against his chest. It was enough of a distraction that he had to prompt you again, leaving you flustered as you hurried to comply.
“Harder than that, love,” He said when you produced a much quieter sound than he had, “Really pound it.” He emphasised the word with another stamp of his foot.
Your second attempt was better but apparently not quite to Roger’s standards because he grabbed your chin to make you look at him again.
“Do you need me to show you how?”
Words completely failed you so you just nodded, your stomach in knots with anticipation, practically able to feel the wet patch growing against his thigh.
Roger’s gaze flicked down to your lips as you both held the moment for a second longer, and then he was surging forward eagerly. His hand moved to your neck as he claimed you, his other still at your waist though his grip had tightened to keep you in place.
The drumsticks clattered to the ground and you couldn’t help the little moan that slipped out into his mouth, finally having an outlet for all the tension that had been building since you entered the room. The sound just made Roger smile, his lips quirking cockily against yours as his hands began to roam, down your thighs, pushing your skirt higher, toying with your undies.
“Don’t need these,” his tone making it clear you should have left them in your bag with your bra, as he pulled them down your thighs.
You raised yourself a little to help him, feeling as if you had to make up for wearing them in the first place. Roger seemed pleased with your initiative, or at least pleased that he could easily access your pussy, his fingers slipping between your lips.
“So wet already,” he half moaned, two fingertips toying with your entrance.
You gasped again as he worked both digits into you, pausing a moment when he was around the first knuckle so you could adjust. But he didn’t wait long before he drew them back a little and then pushed them in deeper, and then again, clearly impatient to get you ready enough to take his cock. You were growing impatient too, your head still spinning from his kiss and from how good just his hand felt between your legs.
“Rog please,” you whined, trying to sink down on his fingers, though the position made it difficult, “‘m ready.”
“Yeah? Ready for my cock, huh love?”
You nodded and groaned, desperate to convince him as he continued fingering you.
Roger just chuckled, “Of course you are. It’s the whole reason you came here, isn’t it. To be fucked by a rockstar.”
You nodded quickly, ready to agree to just about anything he said.
“That’s what I thought,” he almost growled as he drew his zipper down and freed his cock. His hands came back to you then and you let him guide you to stand, shifting around so that when he pulled you back down, you were aligned with his cock rather than his thigh.
You moaned as his tip breached you, his cock stretching you much more than his fingers had. But it was a very good stretch and one you were more or less used to by now. You didn’t even mind that he didn’t give you time to adjust, just kept pulling you onto his lap, making you take his whole shaft much quicker than he usually would.
When you were finally seated fully, legs between Rogers’, your skirt rucked up under his palms, and your pussy stretched around the base of his shaft, both of you moaned almost in unison.
“Fuck, love,” he groaned against your ear, “taking me so well.”
The praise made you squirm, and Roger moaned again as you tightened momentarily around him.
“Jesus. Whores like you are my favourite part of this job.” He managed to get out through his heavy breaths.
You whimpered, continuing to wriggle in place, Roger’s hands still grasping you making it unclear whether or not you were allowed to move.
“You don’t need to tell me I’m the best you’ve ever had, I know I am.” Roger chuckled, the cocky rockstar act back in full force, “So why don’t you show me how grateful for my cock you are and ride me.”
You didn’t need to be told twice, placing your palms against his legs to help steady yourself as you began moving as best you could. You never let too much of him escape your heat, raising up just enough and then dropping your arse back into his lap. As you found a good rhythm, his hands began to wander, squeezing your breasts through your shirt at first, though he quickly pushed the material up until your chest was exposed and he was free to grope you as much as he wanted.
“That’s right, fuck yourself just like that,” he growled, “feel amazing on my cock, love.”
The praise only made you moan more, especially since he said it like you were lucky to be pleasuring him at all. But you knew that, despite the attitude, he really meant what he said. He was breathing hard against your neck, making you shiver as he let out little moans each time you sank down on his shaft. And then there was the drum. Roger’s foot was still on the pedal and whenever you tightened around him enough or moved at just the right angle, he'd jolt like he wanted to spear up into you and a sudden stuttered bang would sound. You chased the sound of the drum almost as much as the sound of his moans, both making it seem like he was losing control, like you were cracking through his arrogant attitude.
But Roger wasn’t going to make it too easy for you. Whether because he was intent on finishing his lesson or he was just so lost in how fucking hot the groupie roleplay was, you couldn’t tell. It added up to the same thing though. He pulled your arms behind your back and gathered your wrists together in one hand.
You whined and halted your movements but Roger tutted at you condescendingly.
“Is my cock too much for you? Maybe one of the other girls could handle me better.”
You shook your head, “No, I just-”
“Shhh love, I don’t care. Just ride me.”
You whimpered but that seemed to amuse Roger more than anything.
“Already admitted you came here for my cock and believe me, love, you’re not the only one. So do what I say or I’ll find another slut who’s willing to do whatever I want.”
The thought of him kicking you out before either of you finished was nearly as distressing as the thought of him replacing you with someone else. You quickly began moving again, trying to get back into a good rhythm. It was harder to ride him without the leverage your arms had given, relying on your leg muscles alone as you raised and lowered yourself. But the struggle just made it all the hotter. And Roger must have agreed because he groaned again, even though you couldn’t manage to move as much as before.
“Such a hot cunt,” he moaned, “don’t stop.”
You whined as you felt his grip on your wrists tighten but didn’t dare stop riding him even though the effort was making you pant and your thighs were beginning to burn.
Roger’s breath hitched as you next sank down, “M-might have to keep y-ou around all t-tour.” He grunted.
The thought made you moan and you found yourself hoping he meant it, hoping you could accompany him on the bus and share his hotel rooms.
As if reading your thoughts Roger grunted, “Fuck you when-whenever I want. Y-ou’d like th-at.”
It wasn’t a question but you answered anyway, a breathy, “yes,” falling from you as you desperately tried to keep fucking down on Roger’s cock.
Thankfully your unexpected response had an effect on Roger. He let your wrists go suddenly, growling as he manhandled you off his lap. Pushing you to stand, you felt yourself bent forward over the drum kit as Roger took over fucking you.
You braced yourself as much as you could, the drums rattling a little as you leaned on them. Mostly you were just glad your legs were getting a break, and thankful that your cunt was being stuffed at a faster pace. All you could do was moan at how good it felt, and brokenly plead with Roger not to stop. It was perhaps the loudest you’d ever been with anyone, not just Roger, but it wasn’t a conscious decision. They were not the sounds expected from a science major who was in the middle of a sexual awakening with her professor. They were the sounds of an eager groupie. Unashamed and unapologetic.
“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.”
As if to prove that he was in charge, Roger paused, holding your hips so tight you couldn’t even squirm on the cock filling you, "Fucking cockwhore, aren’t you love?”
You whined but nodded.
Roger just chuckled and then picked up where he’d left, one hand moving up your back to hold in you in place as he railed into you, one hand slipping down to rub your clit sloppily.
The tension in your stomach nearly had you sobbing, so close to orgasm, and without worrying about how you sounded, you began begging Roger to make you cum.
It nearly pulled him from the scene. He’d hoped you’d get into it, lose your inhibitions and enjoy playing pretend, but he’d not expected to hear anything so wanton from you. He miraculously kept the rhythm of his thrusts, but momentarily lost his voice, managing only a moan at your desperation and then a croaky, “You gonna cum?” It wasn’t nearly as commanding or demanding as he’d been moments before, but he cleared his throat and said it again as a statement rather than a question.
You were too far gone to notice the slip, nodding in answer to both.
Roger’s lapse passed and he lay a spank against your arse, “Words, whore.”
“Y-yes, yes, ‘m gonna cum. Fuck, please.”
He spanked you again, chuckling at your pussy’s response, before moving back to your clit, his fingers more deliberate this time. “Go o-n then love,” his breathing was heavier, strained from the effort of fucking you as well as his own approaching climax, “Cum on m-y cock and I-I’ll give it to you e-every night – of the tour.”
It didn’t take much more than that and the pleasure crashed into you, Your legs trembling as Roger kept fucking you.
He was swearing at how tight you felt, managing to get out half formed thoughts about how desperate for his cum you were and how jealous the rest of the band would be that you’d gone to him. To an observer it would have been unintelligible gibberish. So, it was probably good that you barely registered it, much more concerned with how it felt as Roger came too, his hips pressing against you, his cock pushed as deep as he could get it, filling you with his warm cum.
*****
You came back to yourself, still bent over the drum kit, still full of Roger’s cock, his heavy breaths hot on your skin as he gently stroked your arm. The embarrassment came quickly after that, your skin burning as you cringed at everything you remembered saying.
Roger pressed his lips to the back of your neck, “I’m gonna pull out now, okay?”
You nodded, half wishing he’d stay put just so you could avoid looking at him for a bit longer.
But he didn’t. He hissed a little as he eased himself from between your legs, apologising when you reacted similarly, and then turned you around, cupping your face in both palms as he kissed you properly, on the lips.
You tried to push your embarrassment aside and enjoy the kiss but it was hard to do when you kept thinking about how ridiculous you must have sounded. In fact, you were so caught up in your head that you didn’t even notice the sound of Roger’s fly being done up or him gently pulling your underwear back up your legs.
“Thanks,” you mumbled when you realised, his palms warms where he smoothed the fabric now on your hips, grateful that he’d thought of it before cum started dripping out of you. “Guess I should clean up.”
Roger caught you around the waste and shook his head, retaking his seat as he guided you onto his lap again. Only this time you were facing him so he could kiss you more.
By the time he pulled away you were feeling marginally better, telling yourself if you’d been too much of an embarrassment, he wouldn’t want to make out so soon.
“See, wasn’t that fun?” he asked, his knuckle brushing against your jaw.
You made an evasive gesture, “I guess so, yeah.”
“C’mon, you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it when you got so into it.”
“I really wasn’t expecting that. I must have sounded like an idiot.”
“What? No.” Roger seemed perplexed by your statement, “Try insanely sexy.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely Y/N. You were perfect. I knew it was going to be fun the moment I saw you’d altered your outfit. Because that meant you were going to give it a proper try.”
You smiled shyly, “It was fun.”
“There we go, yeah it was!”
“I assume it’s not always like that though.”
“No,” he shook his head, “I mean, it depends. Sometimes you can be fully emersed in the scenario like tonight, and sometimes you know you’re both just saying lines. But that doesn’t make it less hot. Would you want to experiment more with role play?”
You thought about it for a moment, “I guess I’d be open to it.” Knowing Roger, you were sure he’d ask for more details so hastened to add, “I am a little curious about how pet play works now.”
Roger seemed surprised, “I was meaning like trying other scenarios – the nurse thing maybe, or... but yeah, if you want to know more about pet play I think I can teach it.”
“Oh, I- fuck,” you buried your face in Roger’s neck, feeling likely to die from embarrassment if you opened your mouth again.
But Roger just chuckled, rubbing your back softly, “It’s good that you told me, Y/N. I want to know what you’re curious about.”
“I guess so,” you said managing to lift your head high enough for Roger to press his lips to your temple, “I'm just curious how it works because it sounds a bit weird. Especially after tonight, cause like, I imagine it’d be harder to feel fully immersed in the scenario when you’re pretending to be an animal. It’s so different from pretending to be a groupie.”
“I love that you’re curious. I’ll have the kids from Thursday night until Sunday but, if you want to, we could do this again tomorrow or Wednesday to fit in a bonus lesson about pet play. Would that work?”
You nodded, managing to meet his eye briefly but looking down again as you said, “Wednesday would work. And maybe, if I don’t want to try pet play we can do the nurse thing instead.”
“That’s a great plan,” Roger smiled, gently tilting your head up so he could kiss you again.
You melted into him, almost disappointed when he stopped. It might have just been a projection of your own feelings but you got the sense that Roger didn’t quite want to stop either.
All the same, he did, his hands lingering. “I should let you go and clean up.”
“Yeah,” you nodded, “I should probably be going soon.”
It was at least another thirty seconds before his hands left you and you stood up.
#my writing#my fics#roger taylor x reader#roger taylor smut#roger taylor imagine#a different kind of education#im also posting this at work with the dodgiest internet connection so i hope it works lmao
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all yours. part 5
GR x fem!reader
find the other parts on my ✨masterlist✨
hello yes i am somehow back thirstier than ever. george is so hot, how very british of him hahah temp joke lol thank you sm for the love on the other parts of this series, i’m so 🥹🥹🥹 @ all of you. the power of george sexiness unites us. n e wayz, enjoy, i hope y’all like this, feedback is always appreciated n all that <33 ily
(i’m not gonna lie, formatting got a bit weird so apologies. also the timeline does jump around a bit but i hope it all tracks lmao <3)
in which things in your relationship with george progress.
warnings: 18+ pls and thank u!! SMUT SMUT SMUTTTTT, fluff bc they are my favs perhaps ever, language, them being bitchy and horny (same tbh)
5.9k words
-
half a week in paris came to its bittersweet end. the hungarian grand prix was fast approaching, as was the relief inducing summer break. perhaps not as relieving as it usually felt, but that was because you didn’t know how you were spending it and didn’t know how to ask. how were you supposed to ask george if he wanted to spend three weeks with you after he’d just gone all out on a quick pause in the schedule and whisked you away from le castellet to paris?
it was perfect. monday to wednesday, you walked through the warm streets, living your best, fashion indulged, life. bread, coffee, long walks down the seine. and to top it all off, george was by your side. the fact that you’d managed to contain yourselves and only have wild, untameable, toe curling sex at night in your shared hotel room, as opposed to at any given moment, was rather telling to you. he’d meant what he’d said in his bed back in london.
when you woke up in george’s bed, you’d expected a million thoughts to cross your mind. you’d expected to wriggle awkwardly out of his grasp, that was if he still even had his hands on you. you’d expected to roll over and hear words that meant ‘this is fun, let’s just keep it like this - quick fuck in austria?’ you’d expected the words breathed across the pillow, whispered delicately in your ear the night before, the ones that had this faint echo of feelings and love and delicate things, would be brushed away, off the side of the bed and onto the cream carpet below, to be trodden away into nothingness as you haphazardly redressed and got the fuck out of there.
sure, there was a connection. there was a something that you were suddenly desperate to turn into an everything. he seemed to want that too. that’s what he’d suggested to you as we held you, fingers stroking the back of your arm as he lulled you to sleep. but you could never be sure of these things.
so, when you’d eventually braved it and rolled over, the arms still around you tightening to keep you close, you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. you could suddenly breathe a lot easier when you settled onto your other side and stared at him while he stared at you. sleepy blue eyes, the most beautiful lashes you’d ever seen dusting his cheeks as he blinked away sleep. he was smiling a lazy, effortless, heavenly smile, one that made you brush his cheek, cupping it. you couldn’t help but smile when he turned into your touch. soon, without any words needing to be spoken, you were against his chest, ear pressed against his heartbeat, a therapeutic sound.
“what are you up to today?” george broke the comfortable silence.
“gotta start getting ready for austria.” you’d hummed in response, eyes still shut, cheek still pressed to his chest.
“fancy having some breakfast with me, first?” george asked, oh so smooth. you opened your eyes and looked up at him.
“yeah? and then what? ‘see you in austria?’” you smirked, words accusing, playful, bold.
he didn’t look at all fazed by your words, even though he understood you perfectly.
“did you not hear what i said last night?” he replied, answering your question with a question. “you know, for someone who does words for a living, you don’t seem to trust them.”
“it’s not words that i don’t trust, it’s the people who say them.” you kept your cool. the conversation was still light, as light as it could be. your smirk was daring him, encouraging him to say what you needed to hear, which was fine because you knew he wanted to say it too.
“do you trust me?” george’s lips quirked upwards, already so assured of himself. sexy.
“i do.” you replied cooly, as if it was such a casual thing to admit, and not the one thing at the root of all of your past relationship malfunctions. trust was a tricky thing. but you did trust him, a daunting amount for something that still amounted to nothing at that point in time, something teetering on the edge of being beautiful.
“i want to see where this goes. i want you. this is more than what it started out as.” george’s simple words rolled off of his tongue with such conviction that you thought you would melt into the mattress.
“good.” you breathed, smirk morphing into a gentle smile. “want this too.”
“good.” he teased you, copying your coy response. “so, breakfast?” he persisted.
“sure.”
“but first…” he trailed off, eyes a deeper shade of blue as he pulled you in for a kiss. it was firm but sweet, and so, so intoxicating.
he’d pressed you into the mattress and slotted between your legs with a comfortable ease. a sense of belonging. you were both naked already anyway, so you may as well have made the most of it. you were ready for him and he was just as ready for you, groaning in sync as he lost himself inside of you.
it was different. he proved to you that he didn’t need bells and whistles to get you right where he wanted you. he proved that he didn’t need to whisper filth in your ear, or hold you against a wall with his hand wrapped around your throat, or bend you over the end of the bed and fuck you into the mattress to make you shake. george could do it just as well like this. body pressed tightly to yours, lips on your neck, one hand squeezing your hip and the other gripping your thigh, keeping you spread for him. when he’d kissed you as you both hit your peaks, you knew you were a goner.
-
austria had come and gone, quite smoothly, if you said so yourself. you managed to keep things professional, bar a quickie between fp1 and fp2 in what you could only assume was a storage cupboard. you shared room service in his hotel room, away from prying eyes, and fell asleep in his arms, after coming to the conclusion that this was definitely exclusive, whilst still lacking a formal label.
it had been a bit harder to behave in france. as you’d interviewed him, legs pressed together as tightly as they could be, you’d unleashed hell on him. you were always a tease, you both knew it, but something about the way he looked under the southern french sunshine had brought out your devilish side.
you’d interviewed him three times across the expanse of the weekend, necklines getting progressively lower as you leaned into the barrier that separated you both, your cleavage making it hard for him to form a coherent thought, let alone answer important questions. you were having the time of your life, watching his eyes flicker every which way.
george, however, was not having as much fun, a fact he made very apparent as he completely unsubtly dragged you through the mercedes hospitality suite. you were wide eyed the whole way, lucky that there was some kind of drama happening that kept everyone busy, very few people caring that you were there, his hand around your wrist. as a journalist, you should have been the first to know what chaos had erupted at mercedes, but it was hard to care when george was fucking you against his door.
“you need to fucking behave.” he’d grunted as you both came right there, his hand covering your mouth to stop the noises spilling from your lips.
once you were both calm, breath regained, he’d smiled down at you and kissed you. it was needy and romantic and it felt so good. you were breathless once more as you pulled away, wishing him good luck for the impending race. another quick peck, and you were out the door, a disheveled mess doing a great job of looking put together as you navigated your way out of the hospitality, somewhere you definitely were not allowed to be, the very definition of incognito.
-
george had placed well, another podium under his belt and he was beaming, glancing at you every now and then as he gave an interview. just as he’d been about to make his way over to you, on too much of a high to be worried about your teasing that he knew you wouldn’t have stopped, he watched you get called away from the pen. he tried to hide his disappointment as he landed in front of your colleague, answering their questions instead of your borderline inappropriate ones. it simply wasn’t as thrilling as talking to you.
he was itching to find you and get you away from this headache inducing track. time alone was needed and he had things to ask you. it was only later, back at the hotel, when he finally got you alone again. you were mid-kiss in your hotel room, somewhere between the door and the bed, when he’d mumbled a question against your lips, breaking away from you ever so slightly.
“are you busy this week?” he watched your eyes flutter open at the sound of his voice. mere centimetres separated you as you looked at him.
“don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but we need to go to hungary.” you quirked an eyebrow, moving to rejoin your lips when he laughed lightly.
“don’t need to be there until wednesday.” he replied.
“well, maybe you don’t, but i-“
“you don’t need to be there either, my love.” you were looking at him oddly, confused as to what he was actually trying to say.
“my flight is tomorrow night.”
“cancel it.”
“george, what are you on about?”
“come to paris with me?”
“you’re insane.”
“what? it’s paris, not the ninth circle of hell.” he joked.
“you want me to come to paris with you?”
“pretty sure that’s what i said, yes.” you pushed his shoulder at his bluntness.
“why?”
“want to spend some time with my girl.” my girl. god, he had you right where he wanted you, and you were happy to be there.
-
and before you knew it, you were in paris.
you hadn’t known what to expect from him, but that man sure as hell knew what he was doing. he held your hand, walking through the cobblestone streets, in the back of taxis, over the table at dinner. george so effortlessly made you happy, and you were worried about how easy this all felt. it was amazing what a denied orgasm in the hallway on a yacht could lead to. this entire situation, relationship, whatever it was, had sprung on you out of nowhere, and yet, you were happier than you had been in a long, long time. and so, you let the free fall begin.
you’d been walking down a narrow parisian street, a couple of steps ahead of george, his long legs easily keeping up with you, when he’d suddenly stopped. a quick tug on your wrist and you were spiralling around and into his awaiting arms. your hands landed on his chest to steady yourself, glaring at him for throwing you off balance. he just smiled down at you, something in his eyes as you fisted the material of his striped shirt.
“hi.” he murmured.
“what are you doing?” you asked, somewhere between confusion and annoyance.
“feel like making things official?” the smile pulled harder at the corner of his lips and you found yourself smiling back, grinning uncontrollably. it was random, out of nowhere, perfect.
“how official?” you teased, tilting your head in mock confusion.
“will you be my girlfriend?”
you scrunched up your face, pretending to think for a second, tiny smirk still gracing your features. he sighed playfully, hands cupping your face as he dipped down and kissed you. it was dizzying, his touch and his taste, a deadly combination. when he’d pulled away your smile had not faltered.
“yeah, i suppose…” you confirmed, a bit breathless but still hell bent on taking the piss.
“you suppose?” he raised his eyebrows, shaking his head slightly.
“i suppose.” there was nothing to stop you from kissing him, your boyfriend, again, and so you did.
again and again and again.
-
the hungaroring was one of your favourite tracks on the calendar. you loved coming to hungary and visiting budapest, enjoying the country in the build up to a hectic weekend. you and george had plenty to attend to, briefings, meetings, walk throughs with your respective teams. you had features to film and notes to take, whilst he conversed with his engineers and walked the track.
the busyness of the the weekend made spending time together a bit harder than it had been. it was the last race before the summer break, potentially a turning point in the season, and it demanded a lot of attention. george had tried to convince you to let him drive you to the track as a way to spend a bit more time together, making up plenty of excuses that you could use “if” you were caught. you’d given him a look, one that asked “really?”. “if” you were caught?
that was the first time you’d gotten a glimpse of how hard this would be. being with him, that seemed like the easy part, but you needed to come to terms with the fact that your relationship was a secret. a very big, very serious secret. one that could lose you your job. journalists and drivers hooked up all the time, of that you were certain. it was only natural, all of you being in the same place weekend after weekend, but relationships? nearly unheard of. a logistical disaster.
plenty of people may have been aware of the unabashed flirting that seemed to take place every single time, without fail, that you interviewed george, but that was all they needed to know.
but there was no smoke without fire.
-
you watched the hungarian grand prix on the edge of your seat.
your eyes were fixed on george’s lap times, his pace and excellence the only consistent part of another chaotic race. how wrong you’d been to ever doubt him. when the chequered flag finally fell, a hard earned p2 secured for your boyfriend, you could finally breathe. you could only watch from afar, transfixed on the way he practically glowed as he got out of his car. that win was getting closer and closer.
you had to tear yourself away from the corner of parc ferme, instantly missing the sight of the radiant man that would undoubtedly be on top of you within the next few hours. you watched him on the podium from the back of the crowd. he was only inches away from being on that top step, spraying the champagne until he was as drenched as you knew you were.
you scurried away, as soon as the green tinted bottles were emptied, needing a moment dedicated to composure before you had to go and start your media round. you didn’t know how you would be able to focus on nineteen other men when there was only one on your mind.
the chaotic nature of the race meant that everyone had something important to detail and suddenly, you were faced with a band of drivers huddled together in the centre of the pen, each diving for a reporter as soon as one became available. you tried to keep an eye out for your boyfriend but it was impossible to have your attention directed every which way.
when he finally arrived, sauntering in with a smirk, still covered in champagne, your mouth had momentarily gone dry. you’d quickly cleared your throat, redirecting your attention to… lando? yeah, it was lando, driver number four now looking at you with confusion, waiting to see if you actually had any questions for him.
“thank you for your time. great race.” you spluttered at lando, wondering, as his eyebrows drew together, if he actually did have a great race. you couldn’t be sure of much, only that you wanted to throw yourself at george and climb him like a fucking tree.
as lando walked away, he was quickly replaced by yuki, and then lance, and then esteban, and then, just when you thought you were going to go insane, pierre jumped in. for once, he didn’t look borderline furious post race, so you assumed he’d had a decent race. a quick glance at your notes confirmed this, and you listened to him talk, or, more accurately, flirt away.
it was always harmless with pierre, the both of you knew it, but that french charm, and your knack for being a bit more devious than your contract required was a delicious combination on camera. you weren’t in the mood, far more interested in the tall british man standing behind pierre with a smirk on his face that dared you to keep him waiting even longer. you were hit with a sense of deja vu. you’d been in this position before.
“congratulations, pierre. great result.” you did not purr at him like you usually did, not as bold as you once were, but pierre was too happy to care and answered your questions, eyes a bit more than shameless as they wandered your body as you tried to lay on just a tad of your usual charm, before he was bounding away, onto the next.
you let out a shaky breath as george stepped towards you, aching to finally speak to him, congratulate him. so when a wild sebastian vettel appeared, clearly in a rush, jumping right in front of george, who would never argue with his fellow gpda director, you almost felt like punching him. but it was seb and therefore, you never would. maybe if christian horner parked himself in front of you…
you and seb chatted away for a few minutes, and when you looked up, british racing green and messy blonde hair no longer blocking your view, george was gone.
-
you were walking through the paddock, wrapping up your segment when you saw him watching you, subtle enough that he wasn’t necessarily watching you to others, but you knew that he definitely was. you didn’t allow yourself to falter, finishing off and having a quick word with your producer before you trailed over to him.
“do you have some time for me now, sweetheart?” george was as condescending as ever, his tone the very one that always sent a shiver down your spine. you knew you were gonna get it, and god, did you want it.
“you know how it is.” you shrugged casually, as if you were not on the verge of dropping to your knees in the middle of the paddock.
“i do. i know how important everyone else is.”
“george-“
“tell me, my love, do you talk to them the same way you talk to me?”
you knew his game and you knew it well.
“depends.”
“on?” he challenged.
“whether or not you’re watching.” you smiled, sickly sweet.
it was true. you were far more inclined to put on a show if you knew george was watching, wishing it was him. you usually wished the same thing.
“now, are you gonna meet me at the hotel? or are you gonna stand here and deny us both?” you continued, wetting your lips with the tip of your tongue, his eyes fixated on your mouth.
“maybe later. got a briefing to go to, people to speak to.” oh so that was how he was going to play it.
“bastard.” you whispered, grinning up at him, nothing but lust and a dash of something softer in your eyes. you both enjoyed the chase.
“wish i could kiss you.” he mumbled, mirroring the look on your face. you hummed in response.
“maybe later.” you scoffed, turning on your heel and strutting away. you heard the breath he let out, followed by a low laugh. it seemed that you both had each other right where you’d wanted.
-
a couple of hours had passed and you’d made no effort to go to george’s hotel room. if he wanted to tease, he knew you could do it too, just as well, if not better. you planted yourself on your mattress, scrolling mindlessly through your phone wearing nothing but a GR63 t-shirt, one he’d given you as a joke, and your underwear. you had no doubt that he was expecting you a few floors up, but there was no way in hell that you would break first. come hell or high water, you would not leave this room.
he had started this, and as far as you were concerned, he could finish it.
you only had to wonder how long this little game of his would last for about eleven and a half minutes before the first text came through.
‘where are you?’
you read it and left him hanging. within less than a minute you saw the grey bubble pop up. he stopped and started typing about four times before another message landed on your screen.
‘come here.’
you smirked down at the screen, laying back against the pillows. your hair was fanned out across the overly fluffed cushion and you raised your phone above your head. with a coy smile on your face, you snapped the picture, t shirt pulled tight against your chest to accentuate what george was missing out on.
the picture sent, accompanied by a straight to the point ‘no’.
you could practically hear his groan of annoyance.
‘come on, darling. you know you want to see me.’
‘wanted to see you earlier and you ignored me, baby. guess i’m just gonna have to entertain myself.’
‘don’t you fucking dare.’
‘don’t worry babe, it’s not like i’m going to find pierre.’
you knew you’d accomplished what you’d set out to achieve when he’d stopped replying. you stood from the bed, lazily removing the t-shirt, quickly followed by your underwear, all of your garments mapping out the way to the door. when he knocked, fists banging against the door with a sense of desperation, you felt a shiver run down your spine.
you swung the door open, hip jutting out as you leant against the frame, watching in delight as his jaw fell open. george quickly ushered you further into the room, door slammed carelessly behind him as he stalked towards you.
“what the fuck are you playing at, hmm? do you want everyone else to see what’s mine?” he asked, voice oddly calm, only a slight edge to it. he was creeping closer and closer while you backed away, hips swaying.
“just waiting for you to stop being a prick and fuck me.” you crooned, coming to a stop between the edge of your bed and the mirror on the wall, looking up at him through your lashes.
his eyes narrowed.
“maybe i’m just waiting for my girlfriend to stop flirting with every other driver in the paddock so that i can fuck her.”
“what can i say, babe, it’s part of the job.” you smirked. “you enjoy it too.”
“yeah,” he closed the gap between you, grabbing at your hips. “like it when it’s me.” he dipped down, kissing your collarbone. “and i get to watch you get all flustered,” more kisses trailed up your neck until he reached your sweet spot, a place he’d become very well acquainted with over the last couple of months. “and you beg me to fuck you after because you need me so bad.” he squeezed your hips.
“not such a big fan of watching you entertain every other fucker,” finally, george bit down, marking the spot he’d been kissing so delicately. “especially when you know i’m so much better.” he soothed the bite with him tongue, pulling away from your neck to kiss you. he controlled the pace, firm and slow against your lips, fingers cupping your face.
your eyes fluttered open as he pulled away, spinning you around and pulling you flush against his chest. you could see yourself in the mirror, his hands on your body, head resting in the crook of your neck.
“look at you,” he mumbled. “always ready for me. don’t even have to ask you, do i, sweetheart?” his words whispered in your ear went straight to your cunt, your body relaxing into his as you let him hold you up. you could feel yourself turning to jelly and you knew that this was only the beginning.
“just want to be good for you, baby.” you nodded along with his words, looking at him in the mirror. he laughed lowly, humourlessly, but that bastard smirk was still plastered all over his face.
“don’t fucking lie.” one of george’s hands found it’s way up your body, pinching your nipple before it found it’s home at the base of your neck. he applied the smallest amount of pressure, just enough to let you know he was there, control resting in the palm of his hand.
you were wide eyed, ass pressing against his crotch as you tried to alleviate some of the pressure building between your legs. he noticed, the hand on your hip coming down quickly on your ass, a sharp smack, not too hard but definitely affective. you stopped your grinding, quivering against him.
“c’mon baby, know i only want you.” you wondered if half-arsed flattery would get you anywhere, all the nerves in your body standing on end as you stared ahead, watching him touch you without any relief.
“really, sweetheart? are you sure about that?”
“you know i am.” you rocked back against him again, trying to prove a point while your body moved of its own accord. “please, george. all yours.” you begged.
“all mine?” he hummed, grip on your neck tightening. your eyes closed once again, feeling flushed. “hey, look at me.” and you did, quickly snapping them back open. “you’re going to watch, okay?”
that was all you could do, watch, as his hand left your hip, cupping your breast. you threw your head back, watching through hooded eyes as he pulled at your nipple, leaving the skin pebbled before he moved onto the next. his hand moved all over your skin, fingertips grazing the valley of your breasts and the soft skin of your stomach. you went slack in his arms as he teased over your hipbone, quickly reaching the crease where your leg met your body.
“spread your legs, darling, just like that.” george murmured. “now this, this is all mine.” you were squirming as he ran a single digit through your folds, barely grazing your soaked pussy, but applying enough pressure to leave you tingling. “no one else gets to touch you here,” he continued, piercing blue eyes staring right at you in the glass. he spread you open with his fingers, the lightest of circles being rubbed into you clit. “and even if they could, it wouldn’t feel as good, would it, baby?”
he was evil, so beautifully evil as he put you through pure torture. you were fighting to keep your eyes open, spurred on by the sinful way he was watching you.
“never as good as you.” you gasped out, arching your back into him as he plunged a finger inside of you.
“there she is, there’s my good girl.” he laughed lightly against your shoulder, the sensation against your skin setting you on fire.
“george, i can’t, please. need you, baby.” you were embarrassingly close to the edge and he’d done objectively nothing apart from feel you up and whisper some filth in your ear. you were down bad.
“not sure that you’ve learnt your lesson yet, sweetheart.” the patronising tone he spoke with made your thighs clench around his hand, his hand around your neck instantly tightening once more.
“let me show you. wanna make you feel good.” you whined, rushing your words.
you didn’t miss the way he groaned softly, feeling him tense up against you. he pulled his fingers out of you, hand dropping from your neck. you felt a rush of excitement, despite the sudden lack of touch, as he walked backwards, sitting down at the end of the bed.
“on your knees, darling.” you dropped down immediately. “that’s it, come here.”
you crawled the short distance to him and settled between his long spread legs, your hands grazing his thighs. he quickly took off his shirt, throwing it somewhere behind you.
“open your mouth, baby.” he told you, bringing his fingers to your lips. you obeyed, swirling your tongue over his digits, licking yourself off of him. he sucked in a breath, watching you suck his fingers clean as he freed himself from his jeans and his boxers with his other hand. he pulled his fingers away from you, staring you right in the eyes as your hand wrapped around his cock.
“gonna take it all, sweetheart? show me just how much you love my cock?” he groaned, cupping your cheek as you kitten licked the tip.
a few swirls of your tongue and you were bobbing your head on him, taking him in as far as you could. your tongue dragged over the vein on the underside and his hand, once soft on your cheek, tangled in your hair, holding you down on his cock. an experimental buck of his hips had you moaning around him, and one look in your tear brimmed eyes almost had him cumming on the spot.
“fucking hell,” he moaned. “how could i ever doubt you when you’re such a fucking slut for me?”
as soon as the words left his mouth, he was pulling you off of him, hand in your hair dragging you up and back onto your feet. you were stood between his legs, a mixture of saliva and him spilling from the corner of your mouth. you were a complete mess, and so was he, but somehow he looked far more composed.
you didn’t waste a single second, one leg kneeling on the bed, the other swinging over his waist until you were straddling him. his hands were on your ass, holding you firm against him as you began your slow grind.
“believe me now? i’m all yours, george.” you muttered, hips bucking against his own. “and this,” you dragged your cunt over his cock, gliding against where he was still so hard for you. “is all fucking mine.”
“all yours.” george flashed you that smile, that fucking smile, and you lost it. you didn’t care that he was in charge, whatever that meant, you were past the point of needy, on the cusp of sheer fucking desperation, and so you took what was yours.
you were soaked, absolutely dripping after what felt like hours of his teasing, a fact that became deliciously apparent as you sunk down on him. he was so big, big enough that you felt the stretch, but you were past the point of caring, rocking backwards and forwards on him like the world was going to end. it could, for all you cared, as you disappeared into the pleasure.
he did absolutely nothing to assist you, basking in the view of his girlfriend fucking herself on him. it was a pride thing, his point well and truly proven. you were ruined for anyone else.
“does it feel good, darling? fucking yourself on my cock?” all you could do was throw your head back in response, whining as he bucked his hips to meet yours.
george could feel you clenching, could feel how close you were, leaning forward to lap at your tits, sucking on one nipple while his fingers rolled the other.
“i’m gonna- fuck.” your broken moans had him pulling away from your chest to look up at you.
his thumb ran over your chin, collecting what was left of him, slipping it in your mouth. you lapped his juices off of his digit as your orgasm hit, maintaining dangerous eye contact that you knew would dare him fuck you even harder.
you were right.
within seconds of your first orgasm easing off, you were on your back, and he was ramming into you so hard, so fast, headboard slamming against the hotel wall.
“fuck, you’re so good. gonna be the death of me.” george groaned, eliciting a whimper from you. “no one else can fuck you like this, right darling? no one.”
you had no way to respond, apart from the string of cries of his name, a perfect symphony.
his fingers ghosted over your clit in such a way that you felt an instant rush, something different.
“george,” you warned. “oh my god, i’m gonna, you’re gonna make me-“ your words fell short, not able to prepare him. one more hit against your spot, timed perfectly with his fingers against your swollen clit, and you were cumming again, but it didn’t stop there. your eyes clamped shut, toes curling as your heels dug into his ass. you might have screamed, you couldn’t be sure. all you knew was that george was absolutely covered in you when you opened your eyes, abs glistening, dripping.
“holy fucking-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence, quickly following in your footsteps. the moan he let out was carnal, guttural, drenched in lust as he came.
when he sat back on his haunches, breathing still heavy, his wild eyes met your wide ones.
“haven’t done that in a while, congrats russell.” you breathed, smiling lazily up at him.
“you’re-“ he didn’t know what to say, grinning down at you, head shaking in disbelief. his eyes trailed over the mess you’d made, the remnants of which coated your lower bodies. “something else entirely.”
you giggled, but not for long. george decided that he wasn’t quite done with you yet, thighs pinned to the bed as he dipped down, tongue working through your overstimulated folds. he hummed into your pussy, pulling away for a brief second.
“we’re gonna make you do that again.”
your head fell back against the pillow as his tongue dragged over your glistening inner thigh.
you were in for a long, long night.
-
long story short, he did get you to do it again, and george had unlocked a new kink. an evening well spent, in your opinion.
somehow, he’d managed to peel you off of the drenched mattress, coaxing you gently into the shower, strong arms wrapped around you to hold you up.
you were stood under the warm water, letting it cascade over you both. you were tucked into him, head against his chest, arms around his waist. he loomed over you, resting his chin on the top of your head. every few moments, he would kiss your forehead, your eyes closing softly in pure contentment. what a pleasure, to be wrapped up in his embrace.
“you’re amazing.” he whispered into the humid, echoey air.
you had to tilt your head back to look up at him. you summoned the strength to pull yourself onto your tip toes, pecking his lips sweetly, once, twice, again and again.
“think you’re pretty cool too, you know.” you mumbled against his mouth, kissing his pillowy bottom lip one last time, before returning to your usual height.
he somehow held you closer, running a hand over your wet hair, pushing it out of your eyes. as his touch sent goosebumps over your warm skin, you found yourself brave enough to ask him what you’d wanted to since paris.
“am i going to see you over the summer break?” you whispered, peering up to look at him through damp eyelashes, greeted by a soft, thoughtful smile.
“sweetheart, i don’t want to leave your side.” so that’s what it felt like when your heart skipped a beat. “i can’t wait to be away from all of this, the cameras, the politics, so that we can actually spend time together again.”
“like paris everyday?” you asked, smiling tiredly against his chest. the goosebumps were gone, chased away by the warmth of his precious words.
“exactly, darling.”
-
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as per usual, taglist is bwoken lol. if u wanna be added or removed, just ask xo
#george russell#george russell smut#george russell fluff#george russell angst#george russell fic#george russell x you#george russell x reader#george russell x fem!reader#george russell imagine#george russell oneshot#f1 fic#f1 smut#f1 fluff#f1 imagine#f1 oneshot#f1 angst#f1 driver x reader#f1 driver x you
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hi ash, i think i may have asked this before, but from one asian diaspora to another, i was wondering how, if you're able to, you keep up with your chinese practice in a country that's dominated by english (and/or french canadian since ik you live in canada). bc i know a lot of suggestions are like turning your tech to the language you want to learn, put sticky notes on objects with the name in the language you want to learn, etc. but like. i feel like it doesn't matter how much i try and practice bc i'm not in a class, so i don't get it consistently enough, and the rest of my day is filled with english bc, well, that's my first language, and what is needed for my job and every day living. do you have any recs, strategies, or tips? i'm getting desperate; i used to be so much better than i am now. thanks!
hi! honestly, most of my chinese upkeep since i stopped taking mandarin classes (which tbh was relatively recent; this april, and then i'll be taking a cantonese class next term so i can learn to read it) has been a lot less I Need To Practice My Chinese through exercises or dedicated study time, and more just making sure i have frequent exposure to the language that i'm also engaged in. which is a long way to say that basically c-media is how i'm maintaining my proficiency.
i listen to music, i watch dramas and variety shows, look up other vids on bilibili that catch my interest, sometimes read articles, and (very slowly) read fanfic, with pleco open to note new words. just generally scrolling through chinese social media has helped too. having that environment i can immerse myself in helps me learn new vocabulary and practice using what i already know + listening skills, but it also doesn't feel like work or study, just dealing with things i like and am interested in. (this is important for me because i'm so exhausted when i get home every day lmao, if language upkeep outside of class felt like additional Student Time i might have tapped out on attempting it. this way turning on a c-drama at the end of the day just seems like relaxation first and then chinese exposure on top of it).
just by poking through c-drama or fandom things, i know my vocabulary has definitely expanded since i finished my last class, instead of shrunk. even though i watch c-dramas with english subtitles (or chinese and english depending on the platform), i've still picked up stuff from them, and when it comes to things like variety shows i don't rely on subtitles anymore/make myself not. you absorb a lot more of a language than you think just through exposure, imo. although as a caveat for reading specifically, picking up new characters, recognizing them, and reading has been one of the easier parts of learning chinese for me, when it's probably the inverse for a lot of people. i don't know how well just casually reading things will work as a method for others, ymmv.
the thing that i struggle with is getting opportunities to practice speaking, because it's english in my classes and usually with my friends, and either english or cantonese with my family (and i'm not living with them right now). however, i do have a lot of diaspora friends given that i'm in vancouver, and we occasionally dip into speaking mandarin or cantonese. this isn't perfect, but hopefully in future i'll be able to get more speaking experience somehow. what's also helped me with keeping up pronunciation despite these limits is learning to sing chinese songs. singing is one of my hobbies anyway, so i'll use pinyin or jyutping as a guide (getting better at sightreading characters for singing though!) and it's helped me work on certain sounds i had trouble with, and improved my accent. (watching c-dramas even if i don't speak as often has also aided on that front tbh; i listened to recordings of myself from last year and i sound less canto when i speak mandarin now compared to back then, or even earlier this year).
if you want a place to start that i personally think has helped me maintain chinese proficiency, i would choose a variety show you're interested in and try watching it without english subtitles, when you've got free time and want to do something fun. most will have chinese ones you can use to practice reading along with listening, and people usually speak at a conversational enough level that it shouldn't be too difficult to follow along (for ref, after a year and a half of heritage learner mandarin classes at uni i could watch 《我们的歌》/Our Song without english subtitles and understand most of it). variety shows are also really accessible lmao, so many have full seasons on youtube.
tl;dr it's been media exposure for me all the way down since i left classes, wherever i can get it.
not sure how actually helpful all this rambling might be, but this is what i do to keep up my chinese proficiency and keep learning in daily life nowadays! hopefully maybe you or someone else will be able to get something out of it :)
#sorry anon i hope this all connects i'm answering this late at night oop#you can ask me clarifying stuff if you want tho!#also for those of you who see this and are still building up a basic vocabulary and language foundation/grammar#please do not feel bad or kick yourself that you can't just throw yourself into the deep end on bilibili and learn chinese that way#all this was targeted to answer a specific question and assumes some kind of existing proficiency#i believe in y'all to get there one day tho!!! 努力学习 加油吧#languages#mandarin#chinese#ashton answers#anon
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Hot For Teacher
NSFW 18+
Synopsis: You've been called in for a personal meeting with your english professor, one who you have been interested in for non-academic reasons…
Word Count: 1763
The Goods: teacher x female student reader, y/n type bullshit, short and simple, getting eaten out, random ass original character, pretty vanilla tbh (for me anyway)
Triggers: sex (duh), implied age difference(?), no aftercare it kinda just ends :(
—
You could feel the excitement coursing through your body. It was a heat that somehow made you shiver, starting in your extremities before coursing into the pit of your stomach. You could feel that flutter, both in your heart and between your legs. All of your friends thought you were being delusional about the whole thing, but you didn't care. It was gonna be a good day.
Professor Miles had called you into his office to talk to you about your grades. Yeah, right. Professor Miles never called students in about grades. As a matter of fact, he didn't really care about anything, period. To most, he was actually a bit of a dick. He didn't take late work, and he didn't like to talk unless he had too. He was a great teacher when he needed to be, his powerful, oaky voice easily filling the expanse of his lecture hall, but he was always very short and curt with students when talking to them one on one. You knew this from all the complaints you had overheard from everyone whenever you left one of his lectures.
With you, however, he seemed to act differently. When you had first met him, you had tried to get on his good side by getting him a coffee. You thought maybe a peace offering would make your year a little easier. But when you went up to him before one of his lectures, and you tried to speak with him, he barely seemed to acknowledge your existence. You had been a bit frustrated with the interaction, but you left the coffee on his desk anyway… When you sat down at your seat and looked down along the rows of students at your professor, you saw his face shift into a slight grin after taking a sip of your little gift.
That was when you had gotten hooked, looking down at that slender, pale man as he raised that little cup and took thoughtful sips of the coffee you had made just for him. He was an intelligent looking individual, with simple, black, circular glasses that he occasionally pushed up his sharp, regal nose. His black turtleneck wrapped snugly around his tight waist, his free hand occasionally running through his messy and unkempt black hair as he gave his lecture. He didn't put the coffee cup down until it was completely finished, and even then he didn't throw it away, instead just putting it aside.
After that day, he seemed to focus his instruction more in your direction, and sometimes you even thought you saw him sneaking glances your direction. He'd even smile whenever you raised your hand, though he didn't always call on you. In fact, the only time he ever smiled in the first place was because of something you did. You two had barely spoken, but you knew you were his favorite.
Or maybe not. Maybe it was confirmation bias. Maybe you were just seeing something that wasn't there. You felt like being called into his office was how you were going to find out. Besides, it wasn't your fault your grades were so bad in his class. Maybe if he wasn't so stupid hot and you weren't so busy fantasizing about being hidden under his desk you'd get more work done.
You parked your car and took a deep breath. You had originally intended on wearing something more sexy, but you got embarrassed looking in the mirror, so you just changed into some comfortable clothes instead. You kicked yourself for not having the guts to wear that cute little skirt you had bought just for this occasion, but baggy sweatpants and your favorite oversized t-shirt would have to do. You briskly crossed the parking lot, your veins pumped full of adrenaline as you made that all too familiar walk to Professor Miles’ lecture hall, which was directly connected to his office.
You found the lecture hall door unlocked, so you made your way straight to his office and gave it a brisk knock. The blinds on the windows, as always, were shut. You had originally meant to say something clever, but when your professor opened his office door, all you could muster out was a sheepish little, “Hi.” Seeing him up close like this made you freeze up. It was rare to get a good look at his pale green eyes, which looked baggy and worn from long, sleepless nights.
“Miss y/n,” Professor Miles smiled, his voice darker than his hair, “It’s so great to finally speak with you in a more proper setting.” As you walked in and sat down, he closed the door behind you two, and you could've sworn you heard the subtle click of a lock. He made his way back to his side of his desk, moving with the grace of a panther. He rested his elbows on the desk and linked his bony fingers. He had rolled up the sleeves on his dress shirt, revealing a set of powerful looking forearms and criminally perfect hands.
“So,” his voice reappeared from the deafening silence, making you jump slightly, “Do you know why you're here, y/n?” A thin strand of hair hung over one of his pupils. “U-uhm…” You tightened your core. This wasn't real, you must've been crazy. “Nervous?” your professor chuckled and offered to take your hand. Your gaze traveled down his arm and to his outstretched palm, and when you looked back up at his eyes, it suddenly all made sense. This wasn't some fantasy. His eyes were practically begging for you to let him undo his belt. You hadn't even realized that your hand had drifted up into his, and when it did, he gently pulled your knuckle to his lip and gave it a soft, intimate kiss. His touch made your breath catch. “Don't be,” he swooned with a seductive smirk, “I only want to help you with your grades…” You both knew now he was lying.
It was like the very air in the room had been altered. Your professor had you up against the wall now, nibbling at your neck and pressing his knee up between your legs, “I see the way you look at me while I give my lectures.” His hands had come up to your sides, gripping your body as his nails dug into your skin, “I hope you don't mistake my silence for a lack of intellect, Miss y/n…” “O-ohhhh fuck,” was all you could muster in response. The fact that your dark little fantasy was coming to life was unfathomable. This type of thing only happened in the smut you read before bed, and yet now you were experiencing it for real.
“You're such a beautiful young girl…” his voice ached with desire, his body glued to yours as if your warmth was what he needed to live, “You're like a walking work of art…” “Professor-” you sighed with pleasure as you felt his powerful fingers wrap around your ass and hoist you up so your crotch was at the same height as his. He was deceptively strong, casually manhandling your body as you just couldn't muster up any thoughts of fighting back. “No works of poetry or prose could ever describe the potent, pent up desires I've had for you,” Professor Miles growled in your ear as he ground up against you. Even under his slacks you could feel how stiff he was. “I need you, y/n,” his tone trembled with the pure, unadulterated hunger that he was biting back into his throat, “And I know you need me too…”
You were almost embarrassed at how easily you were melting to this man's touch. It had become so simple, something that came from a place of primal instinct. It was kind of like love at first sight, but without the wedding rings and ball gowns, and instead with your professor laying you out on his desk and tearing your clothes off. You threw your shirt aside as he pulled your panties and sweatpants down off your ankles in one fell swoop, before he then greedily yanked your hips to the edge as he got down on his knees. For a moment you tried to close your legs, embarrassed at him trying to get a good look, but he pried you open with such ease that you were about to exclaim, “Oh come on!” Before you could however, your words got caught in your throat, and were replaced with a yelp of surprise as his thick, warm tongue dragged up through your folds until it hit your clit. His arms wrapped around your legs, holding you firmly in place as he mixed his saliva with your increasing wetness. You helplessly grabbed around for something, before finding his wild, messy hair and digging your fingers into it.
“Pleeeease,” you whimpered with unbridled desperation, “don't- ngh- stop…” “Mnnnfg,” Professor Miles groaned with ecstacy, eating you out as if he had been starved, “you taste so addicting…” You nearly squealed as you felt two of his fingers dip into your pussy. It was a bit painful at first, but the feeling of his fingers curling up into your g-spot made that pain go away fast. “Those sounds you make alone are like a symphony to my ears,” his words were enough to make you feel like cumming, and you let out another unbridled moan as your pussy squelched from his work, “I could live off of your voice…” He returned to lapping up your clit, your muscles tensing as you felt an orgasm coming. He didn't change his pace, maintaining a strong and consistent rhythm as you rode higher and higher until finally you reached your breaking point.
“F-FUCK!” you screamed in pleasure as your whole body shuddered. Professor Miles slowed his pace a bit, but he refused to stop. His grip around your legs tightened as you pointlessly bucked your hips for friction, holding you down as he let out another low timbre growl. He stringed you through that long, soothing sensation until you finally went limp, letting out a dazed grunt as he pulled his fingers from your cunt and dipped them into his mouth. He took a moment to drag his tongue along your entrance once more, his nose rubbing slightly against your clit and eliciting another whimper as he tasted you before he looked back up at you and gave you a dangerous grin. “You make me feel so ravenous, Miss y/n… I hope we can have another meeting again soon…”
—
Hey! This is my first time ever posting. I wanted to start my page off with something simple to show off my writing skills. I'm gonna make a whole about me page soon, but for now, I hope you enjoyed!
Also, I swear I write better than this. I just wanted to make something short and I'm tired asf rn. Gimme a break! 😭
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I feel like I should jjust give up on all my "good" qualities and stop trying to be a "good person" and fighting sgainst all my bad qualities. I. I start to feel like there's nothing good coming of it for me, and not enough good for anyone else to actually keep bothering with me.
I feel like the positive things I get told the most is that I'm nice, and that I'm beautiful.
But. Apparently I'm not enough of either for people to... stick around.
I don't know. Even now I don't know what to write. Cuz it might might people unhappy. But.
Maybe I'll try to let what I feel out, for just this once;
I do my fucking hardest, successfully too most of the time, to make people happy, to help them, to make them feel comfortable around me. Cuz all my life no ones ever done that for me. In school people gave no two shits about me, unless it was to make fun of me or get their homework done easier. FOR 9 DAMNED YEARS. Then I switched schools. I guess I had friends. Friends that, as soon as they were not forced to be in the same classroom as me either cut contact or essentially bullied me online. Since then I haven't made friends in person. My own mom has been there for me. As in. Provided for food, entertainment and ignoring my existence otherwise. I got hugged by her for the first time I can remember when I tried offing myself and telling her that I thought I wasn't worth anything and she didn't love me. She graced herself to hug me long enough so I stopped crying and then pushed me away and went back to watching TV alone telling me to go cuz SHE NEEDS A MOMENT. My dad is just inept. Nice. Trying his best. I guess. I used to see him once every 2 weeks, and we talked like 2 hours maybe, where he left me completely to myself otherwise. The person I had contact and an actual "friendship" with the longest eventually started using that friendship and manipulating and breaking apart my entire friend group to just fucking use me as his damned sex toy whenever he felt like it. And I didn't realize for what? 8 or more damned years. That friend group is now so splintered and fucked that I don't even know what the fuck to do about it. Do I still want them? Do they still want me? Pretty sure they don't enjoy me around anymore tbh. Newest friends I made are from therapy or from tumblr, and it's like 5 people in total, 1 if which I haven't talked to in 2 months as I assume she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, at least not that I could tell. And I still really really damned like her but I wish I fucking didn't cuz it's fucking tearing me apart. I suppose I got used to her being there for me and when she wasn't when I was at 2 of my absolute lowest points my mind just broke or something idk. 2 of them I met in therapy and one of them is nice but doesn't have time, which is okay but also annoying to be honest, but it's not her fault I suppose, and the other ignores me whenever she can. The newest 2 ppls I met are nice but I feel like they either are scared of me, I guess at this point rightfully so or don't actually care.
I keep saying that I'm not super likeable when you stick around me for too long and everyone always tells me they don't think so but somehow the only people that seem to have sticked around for years either did cuz they had no choice or in one case because they didn't actually like me and just enjoyed my body.
So. My honest feelings, no one actually cares about making me happy. I want to be treated the way I try my hardest to treat everyone else. I. I'm tired of having and making friends. I can't bear it. I can't bear being alone either. I have been for too long. I. I want this to end, not my life, just this this this dambed conflict of everything. I feel such conflicting things. I'm trying my hardest to make things right for everyone. And I feel like I am not getting enough back to even keep me going until 30.
Love is conditional. And I don't think I am capable of meeting these conditions. Besides all my hatred for how I'm being treated. I still only blame one person. Myself. For just not being good enough.
I wasn't wanted in this world. I was conceived on accident. And I feel that in the way my mother treats me.
But I hoped that maybe someone else doesn't.
Maybe I'll be able to hold on long enough until I can find someone that does want me. Maybe.
I hold so much hope. For such a hopeless person. Such a hopeless world. I wish I could give up.
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Moonlight Ch. 8 | Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader
a/n: okay, a day late, but guys, bare with me. this is a lot (i know i say it but tbh i have not been letting anyone catch a break lmao). warnings are pretty heavy? or this chapter is probably just the heaviest in general. i really hated writing most of it (just because i was getting my scheduled writers block) and was struggling but i really hope you enjoy <3, i really put all my heart (and tears) in this one.
as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated <3
warnings: 18+ // angst, a lot of self deprication lowkey? abandonment issues lowkey? smut tho, like pretty heavy and explicit (oral, p in v, unprotected sex but pls wrap it irl guys 💀. neck grabbing, degradation, name calling, quite kinky ngl so please look away if it isnt your thing and just skip the part. if you are under 18 pleas please stay away!), also cheating, like straight up cheating and mentions of cheating. oops. sorry not sorry .
link to masterlist + summary
link to chapter 7
Chapter 8 (6.4k words)
The two weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions, Carlos was still imprinted into your brain and no matter how many nights you slept next to Bastien, all you could think about was the press of Carlos’ skin against yours.
You try your best to wash the feeling away, or hope that late nights with Bastien would get the driver out of your mind, but you soon learn this is useless. It’s frustrating, and you feel the need to scream.
Being away hadn’t helped at all, it had only made your mind wander more. You wondered what would have happened with Carlos, what the driver was feeling, was he also thinking of you as much as you were thinking of him?
All the thoughts came with bitterness too though, because all you could also think about was why the two of you had broken up. It was always mutually agreed but the more you thought about it the more upset you felt, at the end of the day Carlos was the one who broke up with you.
It wasn’t fair.
You had finally gotten over Carlos and somehow he had crawled back into your mind and made himself at home. Was he to blame though? You had practically opened the door and welcomed him in.
To make matters worse, Bastien was not making it any of this easier. He would bring up Carlos at every opportunity, holding it against you for every little thing. You felt hopeless, and although you understood why Bastien felt the way he did it only made you feel even further away from him. The only times you both didn’t argue was when you were in bed, sharing fevered kisses with your hands roaming on each other's bodies.
The moment you arrive back in the UK you feel even worse than when you left. The excitement of the season starting had worn off and all you felt was dread.
You were dreading being away from Bastien, and even worse you were dreading being around Carlos. Bastien had made it loud and clear before you left that you both needed some distance and you promised him you would maintain some space from the Spaniard.
That’s why you decline Carlos’ offer to drive you to the office for the briefing two days before your flight to Melbourne.
You arrive late to the meeting because of this, having pushed yourself to go after swallowing down the anxiety that had built inside you. You see Carlos and Lando sitting in the front and there’s a chair next to Carlos who instantly gives you a smile before patting the empty spot. You give him a quick smile before making a beeline to the back of the room, missing the drop of his smile as soon as you look away.
The sight of him was already making you feel sick.
The planning team is nice and you’re impressed with how detailed they are, planning the trip to the T. You’re taking down notes in your notebook to make sure you have everything written down for the trip before you feel a shift next to you. To your surprise you find Carlos sitting down next to you.
“Hey,” he murmurs in a low voice and you instantly start feeling a bit nervous.
“Hey,” you say trying to sound as dismissive as possible but Carlos nudges your side with his arm, making you look over at him again.
“You okay? Why were you late?” He asks and you’re still focused on taking down your notes.
“Missed the bus,” you murmur, still not looking up at Carlos. You’re about to flip to the next page when Carlos stops you, grabbing the notebook from you and putting it on his lap.
“Y/n,” he says and you’re taking a deep breath. “What’s up? I thought we were good.” He says and you shrug.
“We are, I just wanna make sure I have everything noted down.” You’re properly looking at him now and he’s leaning close to you because of how you were both whispering to each other.
“You’re avoiding me now, I’m not dumb.” Carlos argues, moving the notebook away from you as soon as you try to take it from him. You give him a stern look, one that says stop it but he doesn’t give it back, simply holding it further away from you.
“Can we talk about this later?” You ask, not wanting to have the conversation infront of dozens of people.
Carlos looks sceptical as soon as you say this and he lets out a sigh before nodding. You expect him to give the notebook back as you extend your hand out for him to return it but he simply shakes his head.
“Not until we talk.” He says before he’s getting up with your notebook to sit back next to Lando, not caring about the heads that were turning to look at him.
Later turns out to be later in the evening much to your dismay. Tom apparently had a few things he had to catch you up to and you had told Carlos that you both could just talk before your flight to Melbourne but you’re quick to realise as you’re leaving the office that Carlos was still there.
He was sitting by the lobby, arms on his knees as he scrolled through his phone with his head down. For a second you wonder whether you can sneak out without him noticing you but your footsteps prompt him to look up.
“Ah- thought you were never going to finish. Let’s go? I’ll drive you home.” He says as he’s getting up. You realise his hand is nicely wrapped around your notebook still and you wonder how long he had sat there and waited for you by himself.
For a moment you consider taking the ride from Carlos but you’re soon hearing a soft nagging voice in your head that sounds too much like Bastien that has you glued to the floor, not walking to the door. Carlos takes a second to notice this before he’s turning to you. He’s halfway to the exit and he can’t help but to furrow his brows.
“What’s up? You don’t want me to drive you home now?” He asks and you simply shake your head, knowing that you need to already start to set boundaries. It wasn’t fair for both Bastien and Carlos. Sure, you knew Carlos was just offering a ride, but you needed to draw the line already.
“I should go home by myself.” You say and Carlos looks confused, looking at you and waiting for you to explain further. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself to speak.
“I talked to Bastien about what happened,” You explain, looking around to see whether there was anybody around. “I think it’s better if we keep some distance. I love Bastien and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or jeopardise our relationship.”
It takes a moment for Carlos to process the words, and he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to say the punchline of the joke. When he realises you’re being serious he runs his hand through his hair. “Come on y/n, you’re kidding right?” he chuckles a bit, and there’s a cold edge to his voice that creates a sour taste in your mouth. “We’re friends no?” He asks and you have to look away from his eyes.
“Carlos,” You sigh out, and you’re crossing your arms over your chest. Frankly, you don’t know how to answer Carlos’ question. Sure you were friends, but you both knew there were other feelings going around.
“If we’re just friends it shouldn’t be a problem that I hang out with you.” Carlos says and he’s coming a bit closer to you. “Unless you feel differently,” His voice lowers a bit, just to make sure if anyone passed they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. “Did that morning mean anything to you?” Carlos practically murmurs and he’s so close there’s a shiver that goes down your spine and you force yourself to step away.
“I don’t want to talk about that Carlos.” You say, taking another step away, this time towards the door. Carlos decided to stop you though, reaching out to grab your wrist and you feel a jolt of electricity spark up your body as he holds onto you.
“Let me just drive you home.” Carlos says searching for your eyes. “We need to talk about this, y/n.” He insists and you shake your head. You didn’t want to talk about it, you knew that it was just going to only do your head in and open up questions that could just stay closed.
“There’s nothing to talk about Carlos.” You murmur and you try to step away but Carlos is still holding your wrist.
“That’s not true.” Carlos says, and you’re startling to feel a bit annoyed at how much Carlos was pressing on this, still holding onto your wrist. Could he not just leave the topic alone?
“What do you even want to talk about, hm?” You ask and your voice is louder than you expected but you’re too nervous to stop yourself. “You want to get back together?”
Carlos’ eyes go wide, not expecting you to say that and he gently pulls you closer, “Lower your voice a bit y/n.” He says and you’re scoffing, looking at him. You don’t know what comes over you but you suddenly feel both hurt and angry.
“Oh, I see. Now you don’t want people to know we were together?” You say and this time Carlos pulls you to one of the hallways, covering your mouth in the process.
You roll your eyes as you stumble with him into the hallway, and once the door is shut you push his arm away.
Carlos looks pissed. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks and you almost laugh at his question and he can’t help but frown a bit at your reaction. Why couldn’t he let old topics rest?
“I think you forgot how things ended Carlos. You broke up with me. You said you needed to focus on racing, I was clearly just a distraction.” You say, clearly upset that you even had to bring up the conversation. “I have a boyfriend now, and we are doing just fine. Sure we have had our ups and downs but it’s fine these things happen. Barcelona happened but honestly- it was nothing Carlos. Nothing happened for a reason.” You don’t know where the words are coming from and you’re not sure if you mean every single one but you’re surprised with how sure you sounded. Carlos looks stunned and his lack of response has you even more emotional.
“We broke up because you left me Carlos” You say angrily. “You have no right to be messing with my brain now. So quit it.” For a second you consider just walking off and leaving but Carlos is standing in front of the door, soon speaking up.
“I’m messing with your brain? You’re the one that walked back into my life, and don’t act like you didn’t know or mean what you were doing in my hotel room. I know you.” Carlos says and this time he is stepping closer to you but you stand your ground, not stepping back. His hair is tousled and his face is red from how frustrated he’s getting too. You can’t believe you forgot how good he looked when he was mad.
“I am trying to make something out of my life Carlos. It’s not like I had a choice as to which team I wanted to go to.” You say in annoyance. “I shouldn’t have gone into your stupid hotel room. I regret doing that, it shouldn't have gotten that far.”
Carlos is coming closer and despite you both arguing he’s looking at you feverishly and this time you have to take a step back. This doesn’t stop Carlos from following your steps though and stepping closer to you until your back is against the wall. He’s standing right in front of you, barely leaving any space between you both and your mind is taking you back to the hotel.
You suddenly realise how clammy your hands feel and how flushed your cheeks are and the way Carlos is looking at you is making you squirm.
“What did you say hm? That you regret it?” Carlos asks and his voice is so strong and firm that it has your stomach turning.
You almost don’t find the voice to speak, simply murmuring a small “yeah”.
You don’t sound confident at all in your answer and Carlos’ eyes are dropping to your lips. You didn’t regret what had happened. More than anything, a part of you regretted stopping it.
“Hm? Tell me then, what do you regret? Sitting on my lap? Letting me run my hands on your pretty thighs?” Carlos asks and his voice is so low that you feel his words go straight to your core and your whole body is starting to feel like it was on fire. He knew what he was doing. Because frankly, if anybody knew you it was Carlos.
He takes this opportunity to come even closer, leaning to your ear and his breath is hot against your skin. “Could you feel me under you?” Carlos asks and you can feel his lips brush your lobe as he smirks at the sound of your breath hitching.
Carlos takes this moment to trail kisses down your neck, your lack of answer giving him enough confidence to go for it. Despite his strong words his kisses are gentle and you can’t help but shut your eyes and let out a soft breath at how warm and wet his mouth felt on your skin.
“I’m not hearing you say it,” Carlos murmurs as his teeth gently graze your skin. “Do you regret it or not princess? I need an answer.” Carlos asks demandingly and you hate how his words are affecting you.
“No I don’t regret it,” You murmur and you feel Carlos smirk against your skin, that bastard.
Before you know it his lips are on yours and no matter how hard you told yourself not to kiss back you couldn’t. Your arms are wrapping around his neck and the kisses are feverish and needy and god you had missed his lips.
You can feel his hands roaming around, going from your sides to your waist and he’s then leaning a bit down, grabbing the back of your thighs. It’s quick and easy and your legs instantly wrap around his waist as he presses your back against the wall.
You’re almost light headed by the time you pull away from kissing him, and you’re both a bit breathless. You swipe your tongue over your bottom lip and you look at Carlos to find him looking almost as gone as you felt.
“Fuck,” Carlos says, shifting his grip on you as you move your arms from his neck, cupping his cheeks. He’s looking up at you with his big hazel eyes that you fell inlove with years ago and you feel stupid. You were definitely going to regret this because you definitely weren’t thinking with your head.
“If we do this we’re only doing this once Carlos, I’m not leaving Bastien” You warn him and for a second you can see the glimpse of disappointment flash in Carlos’ eyes but it’s gone as soon as it comes.
“Then we should make it worth it, no?” Carlos says already trailing kisses down your neck again.
It’s wrong in every way possible but it isn’t stopping any of you as you both sneak into an empty meeting room. Carlos grabs a chair to press against the door, making sure it’s blocking the door handle and the sight of it has you remembering your teenage years with him.
By the time he turns around you’re seated on the edge of the main desk, legs swinging as you watch him come closer. Carlos holds your knees for a second before pushing them apart to stand between your legs and his hand is soon going to your neck, pushing your head up to look at him.
“I don’t care if you say I only have this one time. I’m gonna make sure you come back.” He says without a single bit of hesitance and he’s soon tugging at your shirt, getting you to lift your arms up. He throws your shirt to the side, not concerned at all about it before he’s kissing over your collarbones and you’re letting out a shaky breath, fingers threading in his hair.
“Carlos no marks,” You say but this seems to do the polar opposite as you feel his teeth graze your skin once more. This time he’s taking his time, sucking at your skin and pressing his tongue flat against it before looking over it with a sense of pride. “Fuck, Carlos.” You breathe out, letting out a moan when Carlos moves to the most sensitive part of your neck, making sure to leave the darkest mark there.
You can tell that he loves the way you’re body is reacting to him. The way he can tell that he still knows you so well, probably still knows you best. “Still the same hm?” Carlos asks and you’re letting out a shaky breath as you tell yourself to tell Carlos to stop marking you up. You don’t though.
“Piss off,” You murmur as Carlos continues kissing down and this time over your chest. He goes to remove your bra but you stop him.
Carlos rolls his eyes, moving his hands away as he comes up to give you another kiss. He pulls away and he rubs his thumb over the already forming marks he had left behind. “I couldn’t help myself,” he says, pressing into one of them and you can’t help but wince. “It’s your fault your little boyfriend didn’t leave anything. You were with him for two weeks. If you were mine I’d make sure everyone knows.” Carlos says before he’s slowly helping you undo your pants.
“Well, if you wanted me to be yours you shouldn’t have broken up with me then,” You say snarkily as you kick off your shoes and Carlos is pushing you to lay onto the desk and you easily follow his movements, soon getting your pants off as you stare at the ceiling. The desk feels cold and hard against your body which only makes every touch Carlos leaves behind burn hotter against your skin.
“You want to be a smartass now?” Carlos asks and his fingers are toying with the lace of your panties, soon hooking his fingers to give them a snap. “I can stop.” He challenges, and even though you know he won’t you’re not willing to risk it.
“Don’t stop.” You say and you can hear Carlos’ cocky chuckle.
“Come on, have you forgotten your manners?” He asks as his fingers hook under the side of your panties again. He doesn’t pull them down though, waiting for you to say something and you can’t help but lift your hips hoping that it would encourage him.
“Y/n, what do you say when you want something?” Carlos asks and you can hear the smirk he was practically wearing and you grit your teeth.
“Please don’t stop.” You finally say, the heat in your core being too much for you.
“Good girl,” Carlos says and you hate how your heart practically leaps at the praise. He’s soon pulling your panties off, grabbing you by your ankles so you’re suddenly at the edge of the table. You groan at the sudden movement and you’re pushing yourself up on your arms, about to tell Carlos off when you feel him suddenly kiss you on the inside of your thighs.
Your eyes travel to where Carlos now is, kneeling in front of you with his arms on your legs to keep them open and the sight has you blushing. Carlos is so focused, trailing kisses and soon leaving even more marks into your skin that has you letting out small hisses.
“I’m going to ruin you ,” Carlos whispers against your skin that is soon sending a shiver down your spine. Before you know it he’s getting closer to where you want him most, and it’s embarrassing how you arch your back.
“You’re so wet darling,” He says as his index finger goes to rub one of your folds. You hate how smug he sounds but you can’t help the way you clench around nothing, already anticipating Carlos to do something.
“Carlos fucking do something.” You say, hands already itching to touch yourself but Carlos moves your hands away.
“Now, did we forget the magic words again?” Carlos asks as he uses his other finger to continue teasing you. He’s still rubbing at your lips, using his fingers to pull them apart slightly and to give a light blow. “Seems like nobody’s made you beg in a while.”
The way you whimper has him grinning. “Please,” You mumble, fists balled up as you felt yourself only getting wetter.
“Louder darling. Don’t be shy.” Carlos says and you can’t help but curse.
“Please Carlos,” You say again. You let out a soft moan as soon as his fingers sink in and for a second you feel a wave of relief but the moment you feel his mouth on you you’re cursing, hand going to his hair to shamelessly pull him closer.
“Fuck,” You breath out and Carlos is relentless, pumping his fingers quickly as his tongue is toying with your clit. Your mind is spinning and you can’t help but to press your body closer to him, letting out a string of moans and whimpers. He only seems to take this as encouragement.
“Carlos,” you moan out, unapologetically loud and Carlos is suddenly getting rougher and you’re sure your grip on his hair is becoming tighter.
It takes all your will to not scream when your orgasm washes over you, and for a second you feel like you’re seeing stars. Your arm goes to cover your own mouth as you let out a cry, and the way Carlos grips onto your thigh with his free hand just lets you know that he’s definitely going to leave a mark.
You’re panting, leaning onto your arms as you watch Carlos slowly get up on his feet. The sight of him has your legs twitching because he’s licking his fingers before he’s swiping his tongue over his lips. You’re a bit out of it, and if you were being honest, you do not remember the last time someone had made you feel that way.
You only snap back into it when Carlos holds your neck again and he gives your throat a squeeze. The dazed look you give him as him smirking.
This time he presses his thumb against the tip of your chin, soon pressing down to get you to open your mouth. You’re pliant under him, body still floating and mind still hazed from your orgasm that you’re not giving him back snarky remarks.
As soon as your lips part Carlos is pressing his thumb into your mouth and you instinctively wrap your lips around it, circling your tongue around the pad. You’re looking him straight in the eyes and Carlos is staring down at you with dark and hungry eyes, refusing to break eye contact.
“You’re such a fucking whore,” Carlos says as he drags his thumb over your bottom lip. You part your lips again, looking up at Carlos and he’s soon leaning above you. “I let you finish once and you’re suddenly all quiet hm? I bet you’d let me do anything.” Carlos says and he grips the side of your cheeks, making sure your mouth stays open before he’s landing a ball of spit in your mouth.
“I love it when a bitch knows her place.” The moan you let out is embarrassing but you don’t care because Carlos is already kissing you again, and this time he’s undoing his belt and his pants, simply letting them fall around his ankles with his boxers.
“Mierda,” Carlos curses because you don’t even think twice before your hand is already wrapped around him, the feeling of your skin dragging against him making him already twitch in your hand.
“I forgot how big you are,” You say, using your thumb to spread his precum over the tip before you’re using it to pump him. You almost feel bad with how hard he is and you slowly move off the desk. Carlos takes a slow step back, groaning as soon as you go on your knees in front of him.
Soon his hand is holding the back of your head as you’re taking him in his mouth and he’s letting out small groans and praises. “You’re doing so- fuck- so good darling,” He’s panting out and the way you look up at him has his cock twitching in your mouth. His hips instinctively buckle and he’s soon hitting the back of your throat and you splutter a bit, tears beginning to collect in your eyes. Instead of pulling away though you relax your throat and Carlos takes this as a sign. He’s gripping the back of your head tightly and snapping his hips moaning at the sound of him fucking your mouth. It’s messy, and rough, but despite tears streaming down your cheeks the small moans and gasps you’re letting out are spurring him on further.
“Fuck,” Carlos groans, you’re sure he’s about to come with the way his thrusts are getting sporadic and you try to tighten your throat around him but he stops you by gripping your hair so tight that you let out a broken cry. It’s loud and the pain is too much and this seems to snap Carlos out of whatever trance he was in. He apologises quickly, soon pulling out of your mouth and crouching down. “Sorry- fuck- I didn’t want to finish off that way.” Carlos is panting and his eyes are searching yours for confirmation that you were okay. You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice with how raw your throat felt. Soon he’s helping you up and sitting on the table and the sudden tension from before is gone, instead his touches feel gentle.
“You’re good?” He double checks and you nod, his hands are cupping your cheeks again before he’s giving you a kiss. It’s soft and it’s sweet and it has your mind spinning even more.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Carlos says just in case before he’s rubbing your sides. “Is it okay if we continue?” Carlos asks.
“Yeah,” You murmur, wincing at how hoarse your throat sounded. Carlos nods and his hands go over your thighs before giving them a gentle squeeze.
“Tell me if you need me to stop.” Carlos says before pulling you closer again. He keeps one hand on your thigh to keep you steady as he lines himself up. Unlike before this is slow and Carlos is taking his time and there’s a weird tug at your heart.
“Fuck,” You breathe out when Carlos finally presses in. Despite him having stretched you out he still felt so big. Your arms shake a little and you whimper when Carlos uses his arm to pull you closer to him as he pushes deeper as well.
“You’re so fucking tight y/n.” Carlos breathes out and he’s bottoming out and you feel so full you might pass out. “You need to relax or I’m not going to last.” Carlos says and he’s looking at you so intently, eyes going over every single feature on your face. He’s leaning down to give you a kiss and you can’t help but meet him halfway.
The kiss is softer than any other kiss you both shared before and you feel like you’re melting into him. “You’re so beautiful y/n.” Carlos whispers against your lips, as if it was a secret for the both of you.
Once you’re relaxed enough you feel him moving his hips but his lips are still close to yours, stealing kisses every here and there as he slowly begins to pick up his thrusts. Despite this though the thrusts are still slow and dragged out, but he’s rubbing into you just right that you’re letting out soft breathy moans that are mixing in the air along with Carlos’.
The atmosphere is heavy and there’s a weird weight in your chest as you watch Carlos, head falling back as soon he hits the right spot. “Carlos there please,” You whimper out and that’s enough encouragement for Carlos to finally pick up the pace.
“Tell me who fucks you best?” Carlos asks, and his hand is wrapping itself again around your neck and you’re letting out a small but broken whine. “Stop fucking you for two years and you’ve gone all soft now hm?”
You can’t think straight, all of Carlos’ words are turning into gibberish in your mind. You only manage to snap back into it when Carlos gives your throat a gentle squeeze.
“I said, who fucks you best?” He asks again and you blink at him, completely dazed.
“Y-You,” You moan out.
Before you know it you’re whimpering and squirming under him, feeling yourself get closer and closer. At this point your arms are around his neck and he takes the opportunity to lift you up slightly, thrusting his hips as he holds you in place.
The room filling with the sounds of both of your moans and the sound of your skin slapping against each other, both of you either forgetting or no longer caring that you were still in the office.
“Carlos- Carlos- I’m close.” You gasp out and Carlos shifts a bit, letting go of your neck before his fingers go down, toying with your clit and you can’t help but let out a cry, back arching.
“Don’t come until I tell you to.” He pants out as his thrusts pick up even faster and somehow feel even deeper and you’re letting out a string of moans. His fingers soon move faster and you’re soon begging for him to let you come.
It’s only when you’re blubbering nonsense that Carlos is saying “Come for me, show me how good I make you feel.” as his touches get rougher and that’s enough to have you unravelling yourself again, screaming out his name as your nails dig into his shoulders.
You’re still riding out your high when Carlos groans, cock twitching in between thrusts. You can’t help but let out a groan at the feeling of Carlos coming inside of you and Carlos drags his hips a few more times before he’s gently setting you onto the table and pulling out of you. He keeps you close though, wrapping his arms around you as you both recollect yourselves.
You’re both panting, breathless and exhausted and you’re almost putty as Carlos takes off his shirt to wipe at your legs and body. He catches you from falling onto your back and you hold onto him, still slightly dazed.
“I can’t believe we did that.” You murmur out, and you’re embarassed at how little you could think right now. Carlos is shaking his head in disbelief too.
“Me neither.” Carlos says. He’s holding his shirt awkwardly for a bit, and it’s clear that he’s thinking about something but he just doesn’t want to say it. It takes you a bit to notice.
“Spit it out,” you tell him, knowing him well enough already.
He lets out a sigh before he’s speaking up. “You’re gonna hate me but I’m gonna need you to go get my extra clothes in the changing rooms.” He says and you can only look at him in disbelief.
“What? Did you want me to use your shirt?” Carlos says and you know you’re practically useless right now but the little pride you had left didn’t want Carlos to know how out of it you were (although you’re pretty sure he knew). If any confirmation was needed, your legs almost buckle the moment your feet hit the ground and Carlos needs to quickly catch you. He’s grinning from ear to ear.
If Carlos was trying to hide his smugness, he was doing a damn awful job doing so.
——————
Carlos ended up getting the shirt that he needed himself as you just sat in the meeting room to get some time to recover. You both are relieved that the office is almost empty and you both manage to sneak out undetected, the tension is heavy between you both though, to the point that you don’t even realise Tom in the parking lot, up until you both reach Carlos’ car.
“What are you two doing here?” He’s by his car holding his own bag, clearly ready to go home. You take a deep breath, ready to play it cool before turning to Tom.
“Uhm-“ Carlos starts off but he’s looking at you in panic and you try your best not to kick him then and there.
“Carlos offered to drop me off so he decided to go to the gym when he was waiting and I ended up having to wait for him.” You explain giving Tom a shrug. You felt bad for lying- but this was definitely not the moment to be saying the truth.
Tom looks a bit sceptical, mainly eyeing Carlos’ deer in the headlights expression but he soon nods anyway. “Ah okay- I’ll see you both at the airport then?” He asks and you’re both nodding, ready to cut the conversation short.
Once Tom is in the car you both go into Carlos’. You tiredly watch Carlos put on his seatbelt just as Tom drives off and you think Carlos is going to start the car but decides to speak up instead.
“For the record, I didn’t want to break up with you.” Carlos says and you’re quick to tense up.
“Carlos, I thought we were over this.” You murmur and Carlos shakes his head. You rub your temples, a bit frustrated.
“You still did it though.” You say and your stomach is twisting and turning at the conversation, you didn’t want to hear what Carlos had to say. “You literally came over, slept with me, and broke up with me the next morning.”
“You said we were fine when I broke it off.” Carlos says and for a second he sounds offended, and you can’t help but scoff.
“Of course I did Carlos. What else was I supposed to do?” You say and you’re looking away to look outside of the window. You had never told anyone how Carlos and you had broken up, always being the type to hold your head up and suck it up. He was the only person you had been able to open up to and the moment he had broken up with you you felt like you were left alone by yourself.
“I couldn’t tell you Carlos. I felt like I didn’t know who you were.” You murmur. He’s slowly reaching his hand to your thigh but you move your leg away. “Stop,”
“I’m sorry,” He says and it sounds so sincere that you can’t even look at him. “I’m really sorry.”
“I was young and naive, I knew it was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking.” He explains. “We were barely talking at the end, I was so busy with racing, and you were studying, and I- I also didn’t want to burden you. When I came over that night I wanted to break it off right there but I couldn’t,” Carlos sighs shakily and you can hear the regret in his voice.
“It’s selfish but I just wanted one more night with you.” Carlos mumbles. “I loved you. Even now y/n, I,” He says before taking a deep breath. For a second you want him to say it, you want to hear the words, but you realise you’re not ready for that again. You don’t want to give him another opportunity to break your heart when it already took you so much time to rebuild it.
“Don’t,” You murmur. “Please don’t say it Carlos. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it.” You say and you’re looking up to the car’s ceiling, feeling your eyes water slightly.
“What do you want then?” Carlos murmurs and you let out a shaky sigh finally looking over him. He looks remorseful, and you know his words are sincere- but they weren’t enough.
“I told you before, I want to stay with Bastien.” You murmur. “I know it might sound stupid to you but- I will try to figure it out with him.”
“And us?” Carlos asks and you shake your head.
“We can’t be friends Carlos. I thought we could, but we can’t. Look at what we just did. I don’t blame Bastien for not being comfortable with you around me, I’m not going to argue with him about that.” You say apologetically. The disappointment in Carlos’ face is clear as daylight but he nods anyway.
“Why did you do it then?” Why did you sleep with me? You know is what he means to say.
“I needed closure.” You murmur and that answer seems to be sufficient because Carlos finally nods, starting the car.
The drive is quiet this time and your head is pressed against the window as you watch the streets pass by. You don’t feel guilty, but you realise you weren’t feeling anything right now.
You only speak up when Carlos is pulling into the gates of your building and you’re pointing to the empty parking space. “Do you mind coming up?” You ask softly, “I have to give back your shirt.” You say and Carlos doesn’t even look at you as he nods and slowly reverses the car.
The silence is loud as you both make your way to the building and up the elevator. You don’t have much to say as you both walk to your apartment door. Carlos steps in behind you, quietly closing the door and you excuse yourself before going to your bedroom, looking for the shirt in your half unpacked luggage.
You’re digging through the luggage when you hear your phone ring and you go quickly to check it, the moment you see the text you laugh.
It’s not the first time that this has happened. That you get a text from a random girl, along with an apology and explaining that she spent a night (or multiple) with Bastien before finding out he had a girlfriend.
Bastien never told you- and you never confronted him. Call it naïve but a part of you thought that Bastien would stop, but by the fourth person- you really doubted that was going to happen. You just sat down and stayed quiet though because for the most part, he made you happy.
If you were being honest, you just didn’t want to be left again.
You were not even mad now. You just felt stupid that you were letting yourself be in this situation. But looking at yourself now, were you really any better?
The moment you grab Carlos’ shirt though you feel your heart in your throat and you’re clenching your jaw. You force yourself to calm down before you’re getting up, reminding yourself that Carlos was in the livingroom. You could respond to the girl afterwards.
When you come back Carlos is by one of your shelves looking over the photos that you have perched up. You realise he’s looking at some of your old highschool photos with your friends, and you know that he’s slipped there in the picture somewhere. You soon see his gaze travel to a photo of you and Bastien though and his face falls a bit.
“Hey,” You say softly, which prompts him to turn around. His eyes fall from your face to your hand where you’re holding his shirt.
“Here,” You’re stepping towards him, holding your hand out. Carlos gives you a small tight lipped smile as he takes the shirt from you and he looks over you quietly.
“Does he make you happy at least?” He asks and you look at him, surprised that he’d ask you that question. “Regardless to us and what we are- just make sure he makes you happy.” Carlos says and you give him a small nod.
“There’s a few things we need to work on, but he makes me happy. I believe it will work out.” You’re lying through your teeth, but Carlos nods at your words anyways.
“I’ll see you in the airport?” You’re gently getting him to the door, not knowing how much longer you could keep yourself composed for.
“Mhm, are you sure you don’t want a ride there?” Carlos tries and you give him a forced smile before politely declining the offer.
“I’m good, thank you though Carlos.” There’s a a weird hole in your chest but you try not to think about it too much, opening the door for Carlos.
“Alright, alright. Bye Y/N.” He says as he steps out of your apartment. You give him a small nod and a wave.
“Bye Carlos.” You say and the moment you shut the door you’re letting out a shaky breath, going to the bathroom in hopes to wash everything away.
fin.
Link to chapter 9!
i hope you all enjoyed! put my whole heart in it. would love to know what you guys think and how you feel about it. are you surprised that reader knew all along about bastien??? i also hope it provides a bit more insight about how reader is feeling/thinking. and apologies for all the angst !! feel like this chapter is bittersweet hehe.
ps. this is my first time writing smut and posting (for f1 at least) so I sincerely apologize if it isnt giving 🫠
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#moonlight#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz fanfic#carlos sainz junior#cs55#f1 x reader#f1 x you#anywayss#fluff#enemies to friends to lovers#ok i hope you enjoy#carlos sainz jr#carlos sainz#lando norris#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#chaptered#carlos sainz 55#carlos sainz x y/n#the carlitos
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still reading through your aus and i am in pain wtf--- that depticon spy au??? THE REVEAL IS SO. OW. BECAUSE SMOKESCREEN WOULDNT EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF--- like I. HEAD IN HANDS.
NYEHEHEHEHEH >:33333
that's part of the fun tbh <3
and of course the Autobots are angry. Livid if we're being honest. They feel stupid for not seeing it earlier, after all Smokescreen arrived in a Decepticon pod, he'd supposedly managed to escape a prision ship himself and survive the fall of Iacon, he'd been captured again by the Cons and escaped functionally unharmed, he was always weirdly anxious and flighty around them, and they really just feel like they're been played for fools at what seems to be obvious tells in hindsight
admittedly the humans are a bit more hesitant to believe this sudden change, especially whichever human was the one who was traded for Smokescreen. After all, Smokescreen honestly bonded more with the humans than with his "fellow" Autobots. With the Autobots there was always this lingering anxiety and fear that they would uncover his secret, a feeling he hadn't felt since his early days of undercover work
but with the humans...... there wasn't as much fear. The kids were..... well, kids. They didn't know what signs to look out for in spies, they didn't know what he should and shouldn't know about Cybertron, they trusted him completely, so this apparent betreyal....... it hurts them a lot but they're also somewhat hesiatnt to believe it
but yeah, they don't exactly have too much time to deal with all these emotions regarding Smokescreen's betreyal before all of them get a single message from the guy
Run
then they end up finding out that the Decepticon's new base is Literally Right Outside Their Door and they evacuate
(also, since all five humans were kidnapped, this also means that Fowler and June get to join the Autobots on then run :) June is either going to go with Raf (since he's the youngest) or with Ratchet, but I'm admittedly not super sure about Fowler, either Ratchet or he manages to stay behind with Optimus somehow)
now....... this of course raises the question of what happens to Optimus. After all, Smokescreen isn't there to save him, right?
Wellllllllll
what if he was :)
what if after his "return" to the Decepticons, Megatron sorta...... lets him float around. Sure he's angry about his defection, but right now he's more than aware of how much more pain giving Smokescreen some amount of freedom would give him than simply locking him up. If he's in a cell, he's being trapped, but if he's "free"....... well, then that makes it all the more easier for the guilt to eat him alive :)))
(besides there..... really isn't a whole lot a spy with a blown cover can do right now)
unfortunatly, while the guilt part of the plan does work out, it also accidentally results in Optimus's survival and Smokey stealing the Phase Shifter and Forge and giving it to the Autobots
now...... Optimus admittedly doesn't have the best memory of what happened after the base came down ontop of him. The details aren't super great on account of the whole dying thing
However, there are a handful of things he is sure of with the utmost certainty
The Matrix of Leadership wanted to pick Smokescreen had he died
Smokescreen had a chance to take the Matrix of Leadership
Smokescreen didn't
Smokescreen stole the Forge and Phase Shifter from the Decepticons
Smokescreen saved his life
and suddenly Optimus is realizing the whole puzzle surround their newest recruit has become that much more complicated
#oh hurting smokey my beloved <3333#smokey mirrors#transformers#transformers prime#tfp#tfp smokescreen#smokescreen#tfp optimus#optimus prime#tfp megatron#megatron#autobots#kd answers#ollie multifandom mess
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okay I gotta talk about Cyberpunk 2077
I really really wanted to play this game on launch back in 2020 but it was just...not ready so I avoided it. I also know the game was criticized for some things and a bunch of people made thinkpieces about how you shouldn't play it and all that. and like...sure have your opinions about it, that's fine. I was disappointed at the launch, but content wise I wanted to play the game for myself. so I waited until it went on sale for 50% off this year and bought it on GOG (which, if you're interested, that sale happens at least like twice per month).
before I went on vacation to Europe at the end of June, I finally started it. and I was....kinda in shock????
(keep in mind this is pre-2.0 patch so some of this might be out of date when that comes out)
(major story spoilers below)
first off the character creation is......not amazing? like there's plenty of nice preset options but it's limiting. V's gender being tied to their voice is FUCKING AWFUL, and I do not agree with that direction in the slightest. tbh I think that might be the absolute worst part of the game, where it would have been much easier to just...give you an option for pronouns?? like why was that not the direction wtf. and also having your voice and body type be a prerequisite to romance options too?? I just....UGH there's work to be done here.
past that tho, I love how much personality V has and I love the acting. I went with female V with a Street Kid background. it was really nice seeing how she came back from Atlanta to start back up in Night City and how her relationship with Jackie quickly blossomed. and man these two together were so great. imagine getting close to killing someone and getting arrested and then being like "bruh that cop was a fucking asshole and I'm hungry, let's go get some food bruh" and then I saw The Montage.
man....man oh man that fucking Street Kid montage of V doing jobs with Jackie? with the music in the background? I ended up watching that like 2-3 times (because the game crashed) but i genuinely did like it a lot and it really set me up with for the overall vibe of Night City. I dunno maybe I'm easily entertained but it was...just so cool?? I think it really lends itself to the animation and acting in the game overall. while most basic NPCs are nothing special to talk about, the ones who are, who clearly have some mocap going on with their facial expressions, are a fucking treat to watch regarding body language and subtle facial changes.
I somehow avoided all spoilers of the game for nearly three years (also do not have experience in this IP) so I had no idea who Johnny Silverhand was and his significance to V. I wasn't a huge fan of him in the beginning but I quickly grew to like this asshole, especially as the game progresses and you learn more about him and his ideals and his very flawed perception of the world. I really really wanted there to be a solution where he and V live happily in the end, but ofc this genre does not allow happiness lol. It was very cool to hear his input during some jobs even if I thought they were ridiculous sometimes or he was jumping the gun a bit, and it was nice to get to know him better. I eventually came to see him as a bit of an older brother figure for my V. not perfect and offered "sage" advice when he felt warranted. obviously he has some self interest in keeping V alive because that means he stays alive, but it was very sweet to see him change over time to wanting to genuinely help V out.
by the end, I chose the route to storm Arasaka with Rogue because....why the fuck not, it's not my definitive playthrough. Aaaand I got The Sun ending. Rogue died. and I hated that. but more than that I wasn't happy with my V and her situation, but I'll get back to that in a bit. that brings me to the romance option.
again, I somehow avoided all spoilers for this game and while I vaguely remembered seeing Judy in one of the initial trailers from like...3+ years ago, I couldn't fully remember her role in the story or even what she looked like. all I can say is.....fucking love at first sight.
ok so like...I'm a bit of a simp for nerdy girls. and techy girls. and alt girls. and artsy girls. so to have her be nerdy and techy and alt and artsy and also have hobbies outside of that? man....the second I went to her apartment and learned more about her hobbies and interests, I was fucking smitten. it was super nice to be able to see regular people shit out of a romance option in a major game. and on top of that. her drive and interest in standing up to injustices is admirable. I love her, seriously. she's such a great character.
the romance. man.....I wish I had more words for it, but the way it progresses through the questline, the little hints you get about her own interest in you (Johnny mentioning the way she looks at you and you liking it), the way her texting towards you starts to change over time. I feel like it was paced extremely well within the confines of the game. and then....Pyramid Song happened.
at first, I approached this as any other romance in any other RPG. "oh yay, I can fuck the romance option yaaayyy" but nah. this quest fucking....ruined me in the best way possible. it was beautifully done. the acting, the emotional impact of the lake dive, V and Judy's minds melding into one, learning about Judy's past and hearing her memories... even writing this paragraph now I am near tears because that romance was so fucking well done. like yeah the eventual sex scene was great, but everything leading up to that was absolutely fantastic. to have seen this in a game, especially as a lesbian interacting with a character who ALSO is a lesbian, was just.....ugh it meant so much and I know there's no way a straight man wrote this lmfao.
I also love how after the relationship starts, Judy continuously texts you for A WHILE afterwards. She tells you random things, brings up her thoughts, and eventually tells you how much you mean to her. It is unbelievably cute and I couldn't stop smiling when I read every new text. I really hope they expand this in the update. And if not....well...I may consider doing this myself in a mod or something lmfao.
I also went through Panam's questline and tho it sucks that I couldn't romance her, I did develop a headcanon for V's interactions with her that I made a post about previously. like idk after seeing and meeting her in her quest, she was not at all who I thought she'd be. I was expecting some like....extremely femme prissy woman like...idk Loba from Apex Legends or something who couldn't break a nail or she'd fuss about it (remember I avoided all spoilers of this game lol). but NAH, def not her. she's more like "hey V, how many tons of dynamite do we need to wake up an entire Wraiths camp?" and you know what? I fucking love that shit.
which brings me back to the ending. I had a headcanon for my V that basically goes like this:
V is a Street Kid merc from Night City who comes back from Atlanta to restart her life. She meets Jackie and they quickly become best friends. All the shit about Arasaka happens and Jackie dies. V starts to have second questions about whether or not reaching the top of Night City and becoming the best merc is really what she wants. She's seen death plenty but Jackie's death has haunted her and now she herself dying. In the midst of doing jobs to survive and figuring out how to fix her situation with the Relic, she meets Panam and quickly becomes friends with her. She was a little interested at first but Panam was not. V respected that and did not persist, but they did become very close friends. V eventually meets Judy as well, and while they started off a little rocky, she ends up liking her and eventually they start a relationship. But having that conversation with Judy at the lake about Judy wanting to leave Night City really gets V thinking. But she carries on. Blah blah blah, story stuff, she becomes close to Johnny as well, but eventually I had it in my head that V really loves Judy as a partner and really loves Panam as her best friend so why not live out the rest of her life traveling with the Aldecaldos? She can leave her merc life in Night City and start fresh with her newfound family, best friend, and life partner.
And what do you fucking know, this is actually possible as an ending lmfao. I only just read the endings right after finishing my playthrough and this will be my ultimate goal the next time I play this V in my....prob 3 or 4 playthrough by then.
anyway, enough story. time for gameplay.
so I usually do stealth builds in these types of games. I chose to go with a stealthy throwing knife build (very fun!) after deciding pistols and bladed weapons that aren't knives weren't really for me this time around. I haven't played a ton of stealth-based games, but generally what I've noticed is that they tend to give you routes/pathways to follow if you pay enough attention. like NPCs will have predefined walking routes, the environment will have certain openings/paths available to navigate and either avoid or kill incapacitate these enemies quickly and quietly. I don't feel like I got that sense in this game here? I dunno if it was poor stealth design, but I do think it was this:
this game really REALLY wants you to utilize a cyberdeck, it feels like. interacting with the environment, whether it's creating distractions or blinding enemies or whatever, seems to be the goal with really working with stealth. I can't say that I hate it, esp since that's a part of the game world, but sometimes doing stealth feels more difficult than it should be because of this perceived expectation to...create your own routes and pathways so to speak. the last like...10-15 hours of my playthrough, I ditched the cyberdeck and went with a sandevistan but had invisibillity cloaking to make up for the lack of a deck. still fun but it did feel like I was using cloaking as a crutch to get out of LOS when spotted lol.
I have no opinions on guns and gunplay in this game as I haven't use them yet, but I'm sure I'll have thoughts for 2.0.
text messages were really cool lol. I know they are bascially just predefined messages but I still liked that and I loved how you can talk to characters on holo instead of visiting them in person. idk I'm a sucker for stuff like this.
the perk system is not great, I oftentimes felt confused on what perks to even get because a lot of them were underwhelming and felt more like Fallout 3's "numbers go up" options. the overhaul 2.0 patch will apparently give us more options to play with in terms of changing gameplay so I am hoping the changes will be reminiscent of going from Fallout 3 -> New Vegas in perk style.
Cyberware is great and this is where I feel the game really opens up in playstyle compared to the perks. I'm happy to see this is being extended and armor will be tied to cyberware instead of clothing in 2.0.
vehicles are cool. I like the variety in them but I feel like there could be more. additionally there's so many of them available for free that it almost makes no sense to buy them unless you're just doing completionist stuff. the handling is fucking awful and I hope that improves in the patch.
Night City is absolutely fucking gorgeous in a dirty and grungy kinda way. I've lived in a major city for most of my life and it def gave me that....really raw inner-city feel with people walking fucking everywhere, cars that nearly won't stop til they hit you, stores and shit everywhere, gang members hanging out on the corner or in front of stores, police stopping someone for questioning, etc. I just love it. a lot of it is window dressing. you can't go into like 99.99% of the stores and whatnot in the game. that might bother some folks, and that's understandable, but I'm completely fine that it's all for show. It helps the atmosphere.
I suppose I could talk about how well this game presents the genre as a whole but...I can't. I don't have the background history and knowledge of the IP itself or the genre to really talk about it in detail. If this game comes across as "baby's first cyberpunk experience" or doesn't go too hard in the punk direction then....fine, I guess? Whatever? I still enjoyed it lol. I would like to experience more cyberpunk as my experience so far has been limited to Shadowrun Returns and Dragonfall, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", and Blade Runner. But yeah I'm not an expert here so I mainly just wanted to talk about the gameplay and presentation.
anyway I think that's about all to talk about really. this was more just...stream of consciousness and rambling than anything lol. I had a really awesome time with the game and thought, despite the shitty launch and character creation thing about gender, that it's def worth checking out. can't wait for the DLC and 2.0 update because I will likely eventually talk about stuff that may or may not have changed. this is gonna be the game I focus on heavily for the next few months until I get sick of it. then I might start exploring with mods.
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Fluff Alphabet - Manjiro “Mikey” Sano
Happy Monday! Heres some Mikey fluff to start the week :)
Fandom: Tokyo Revengers
Letters: M, I, K, E, Y
Warnings: None, Fluff
Enjoy ~
M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
He never thought about it –especially being the leader of Bonten
When he met you he kept the idea of marriage to a minimum in his mind but the longer you’re together the more he could see himself marrying you
He would propose very low key
Probably when you are at his/yours/your shared apartment
He would bring it up really nonchalantly tbh
“Do you want to be my partner? As in my wife/husband?”
“I want you in my life forever. I can’t imagine it without you.”
Marriage with Mikey would be sweet and a bit tricky cuz he may be gone a lot
I nspired - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems?
Mikey’s s/o helped him somewhat cope with his dark impulses
They didn’t “fix” him, more so helped him find ways to reel it in when needed
I do think if Mikey is to open up to anyone it is his s/o —but only if the relationship is very serious and that trust has been built
I believe when Mikey is in a serious relationship he finds himself wanting to be better and more playful but mostly when alone
The gang will be gobsmacked if/when they see Mikey’s s/o bring out those buried deep parts of him
K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
He’s good but not super experienced
Your first kiss was quick but purposeful —Almost nonchalant
He more less just pulled you in and got it over with bc he liked you and felt showing you could be easier than saying it
It most likely happened in his office
Your first kiss was stunning but very welcomed and after words you shared a few more kisses till you heard someone coming
E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
I think you’d think he’d be very dominant but i think Mikey has a bit of a passive streak in your relationship
Obviously when it’s needed he’ll get very serious
But Mikey doesn’t hover and isn’t controlling when it’s not necessary
However I do think that it could take time to build to that / there will be ups and down in this aspect in your relationship
Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
Mikey seems like pretty indifferent when he’s gone from home / from you for work
But since being with you he’s gotten used to cuddles and the softer comforts in life
So if he’s gone for more than 3-5 days he starts to really miss you
He may seem colder I guess and a bit irritable to his fellow gang members
He’s not a huge texter but if you text him he’ll answer every one –when he really misses you tho he will start conversations / update you
Although he may not say it, he really enjoys a phone call at the end of the day when you two can and have time to talk about your day and hear your voice
Send him voice messages if you can, he loves hearing your voice throughout his day
And on more than one occasion he’s fallen asleep on a call listening to you
Hope you liked that!
Feedback & Interaction is always appreciated :3
💛 ~
~ Masterlist ~
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyorev manjiro sano#manjiro sano#tokyorev mikey#mikey#mikey headcanon#mikey x reader#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers fluff#alphabet headcanons#fluff alphabet#fluff#x gn!reader
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That was Scenes from a Marriage (2021) level of angst, J. Can’t count the number of gasps I let out!
I have a lot of thoughts, i hope you don’t mind 😭
> Modern Idiots was a nice touch. 10/10 no notes. TS is MADE for fics.
> I absolutely love that Sara has become a recurring character! You write her so well, her confidence and appeal can be felt so vividly. It’s amazing how you were able to create an OC that is such a scene stealer (still picturing her as Rebecca btw)
> Chrysanthemums!!! I love how it’s like almost like an easter egg by now
> “Always just shy of what they hoped” “It’s more of an outline than a shape”
How beautifully put. being the eldest daughter in an asian household i have experienced that firsthand. You’ve captured that feeling so profoundly
> “I want to stop assuming things and thinking my perspective is the whole reality. We all do it, don’t we? Set traps for ourselves with our own expectations and assumptions.”
What a great thing to read at the end of a long, and taxing day.
> The confrontation scene was SUPERB. You have written an incredibly accurate scene of how painful and terrifying it is to stand across a person you love and to see this mask of coldness and indifference.
The courage it takes to stand there and try to chip at the walls, and to love a person who can switch off their emotions when it’s getting difficult.
Kudos to Leigh for trying, when it was easier to dismiss everything. And kudos to the reader for standing our ground.
“A lesser woman would have lost hope”
P.S.
I can’t say I understand nor condone Matt’s cheating. But i want to share how the conversation scene with Jules felt to me.
That for a brief moment there was hope, that despite the family’s feeling of grief and betrayal, and possibly conflicting feelings about us (given that we were a part of the disloyalty) there was a fleeting moment that we filled in the void of kindness that Matt left. That maybe, the memory of Matt isn’t all tarnished and somehow redeemed if his mistake brought another version of him, another sympathetic soul to their lives.
Thank you, J! This is an extraordinary work, and this chapter is just magnificent
Hi Oceane!!! So nice to hear from you :3
First of all, this is the first time I've heard of Scenes from a Marriage (2021), and I'm shocked that I don't know this movie existed because it has Jessica Chastain in it?? I need to see this asap!
re: modern idiots - I couldn't help myself because 40% of my inspiration always comes from TS' music. I physically cannot hold back from writing them into the fic lol
re: Sara - though nothing will ever be between y/n and Sara, i've grown to love her myself. But I wanted to portray an atypical relationship development between people who meet through dating apps. and of course, i wanted her there to remind Leigh that if she ever lets y/n go, y/n won't be left empty-handed ;)
re: mums - yes, the same flowers from ILGOSS :)
re: eldest daughter??? in an asian household??? are you like a mirror image of my life? lol. though i'm an only child. but i understand the pressure put on eldest asian daughters.
re: confrontation scene - i don't think i'd be able to write that if i haven't experienced that myself, tbh. it's painful and a risk, but someone needs to be brave or else it will fall apart.
re: final words on matt - I agree. I don't think one mistake makes a person. Matt was still kind, he did his best to love Leigh and in the end, it's himself he couldn't live with, and that was the tragedy.
Thank YOU for your wonderful introspection on the chapter. It's such an insightful read. I know I'll go back to your asks every now and then, and especially when I'm experiencing writer's block.
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I'd love to hear more about your experience at the ooo fansign, if you'd like to share. I can't imagine what it would be like to be up close to the boys. I feel I might die from awkwardness, but they look warm and relaxed and your photos are so cute!
Hiiii - I saw this and meant to respond but I've been out all day so I'm just getting a chance to sit down and compile my thoughts about it now. It's a really long post - I have talked to friends about bits of it, but never really sat down and wrote it all out - so I'm putting it under a cut.
Fansign
The fansign - and all the engagements really - were so overwhelming and fun. I've done hi touches before, but this was a whole new level. I was a few rows back hanging out with another Rie stan; she was teasing me bc Junji was at the start of the line and Rie wasn't until the end - I wasn't sure how I was going to face Junji first. I also had gifts to give them, so I had to somehow make my fingers and mouth work. Junji was super sweet, he's got such a nice smile. He's so loud though - I was anticipating him being the quiet, easy one, but no, you could hear him across the venue - he was so happy with everyone. Just shouting "HELLO" - bless him. Nine too - he's so handsome in person, but not like... Intimidatingly so? I was worried about it with him but he was one of the easier members to interact with throughout the night. Kyubin was super easy and nice as well, and then Rie.
I interacted with Rie 4 times that night and every one was embarrassing or overwhelming 🤦🏻♂️ - what did I do when I saw Rie for the first time? Made eye contact with him and gasped in his fucking face. I couldn't help it, he was so much more handsome than I anticipated and his gaze is so intense. Apparently I gasped loudly bc his eyes widened a bit and he looked somewhat concerned before smirking and greeting me. I slid his envelope over like a moron and moved on (I think I muttered a hi, thank you? I'm not sure tbh - I blacked out). Then there was Yoojung (who is so pretty oh my god.) But he was very quiet and gentle, but unfortunately he came up right after Rie so I was still reeling through him and Mill.
Afterward we ended up meeting and befriending a lyOn standing in front of us because they overheard a dirty comment my friend made and cracked up so hard they almost fell over 🙈 (you know those moments where it's super loud and you're safe to talk - then as soon as you say the thing it's quiet? That happened. Not "quiet" but our little area of people was just quiet enough for this person to hear us).
Hi-Touch/Photo
Then afterward was the hi-touch and group photo; I was prepared this time. Or so I thought. Junji was fine - he's got massive hands omg. But he's so very gentle, I didn't realize just how nice that was until later in the night. Nine was so happy and grinny and bubbly - his normal hyper self. (Side note, Nine was wearing his crop top and idk how he managed to have both the firmest washboard abs while simultaneously looking like he has the softest tummy - his skin is eerily perfect.). Kyubin was very professional, and unfortunately I don't think I gave him all the attention that I could have, because I knew Rie was coming.
When I reached him I looked anywhere but his eyes - I wasn't going to be stupid. I would say thank you, touch his hand, and that was it. He fucking noticed - I swear to God he did. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I was purposely looking at his mouth/neck when I reached him so I could speak, and he tilted his head just enough to catch my eyes and smirked. Which of course short circuited my brain (moreso when he curled his fingers around my hand for a split second - I know it was only a few seconds but I felt like I held up the line for ages 😂) - I was a stupid grinny fool then with Yoojung, who - imo - looked slightly amused. Either he saw how Rie was affecting me or he was just was in a silly mood idk.
Concert
Then we had the concert - amazing experience overall. Honestly did not last long enough. I won't go into all the specific songs because this is already absolutely monstrously long, so I'll just hit the important parts.
I had a pretty good idea they'd do begin and because based on the previous stops, but I wasn't sure; I was praying for it tho, esp after those first two interactions with Rie. because was the song that ultimately made me give the O's a serious shot. So when they did it, I was so jazzed. because makes me cry, it's such a beautiful song and the choreography they made for it is stunning. (I love all 6 choreos - they are so smart in the way they used the members in couples to add to the effect, and the way they used the choreography to sort of tell the story that they told in the ui videos - it's so impressive.)
So, as pretty much everyone knows, after that was the proposal - I was a sobbing mess and it was beautiful. Honestly - I feel so proud of OOO for creating a space safe enough for this, and I am so happy for the folks that got engaged, what a powerful and amazing moment. Obviously I was just one face in the crowd, but I'm so honored that I got to watch history be made in a way, it's beautiful and humbling. No matter how much progress is made, this particular concert will always be the first that a queer couple not only got engaged at, but had the full support and cheer of the group - I mean - Kyubin excitedly and willingly stopping the concert to do this? What a powerful statement of support. I doubt they'll ever see this, but I wish the couple all the happiness in the world, and I woud love to thank them for letting all of us there share in such a beautiful moment.
Oh, by the way, the progress flag that ultimately made it on stage was actually my friend's flag. The group I ended up getting in with before the concert decided we wanted to sign one. We had him bring it and we all signed it before going into the venue (more than just us - he was having a bunch of people sign - anyone who wanted to in the line - it was so full of signatures of support); and one of our gc members handed it to them, the way I cheered when I saw them grabbing it. I could talk for pages about what OOO's support means for the community and how important it is, but I am sure this is already becoming tedious lol - so I will save that for another day.
Snapshots (Premium)
Junji
So after the concert was over too soon - I got Junji and Rie for premium snapshots. I decided to go to Junji first. When I got up there, the staff was changing the film, but I was scared to approach bc I didn't wanna get yelled at by her. Junji was leaning against the barricade, so we just kind of awkwardly stared into each other's eyes for an uncomfortable amount of time before he did that all caps HELLO bellow he'd been doing all night. Which startled the fuck out of me 😑 -- I asked for a back to back photo, he stood straight up and laughed (I think pointing out our height difference, even with the height boost from my boots I am tiny comparatively). He is massive. Jfc - I've met a lot of tall people, taller than him even, but he seems to just dwarf them all. I didn't really notice his size at the fansign/hi touch as much - probably bc it went so fast.
So we turn and he nearly crushed me bc he dropped his weight on my back. I figured he'd stay standing tall but, just kinda touching, but no, he decided to see just how much my tiny ass could support 🙃 - I had a moment of real fear - I was already weak in the legs from the concert (and standing for the 5 hours prior to said concert), if I went down he was gonna come with me and we'd both end up hurt 🤣 but we stayed standing. I thanked him and rushed off to Rie's line.
Rie
Thus comes embarrassing Rie moment #3 of my night. Once again the lady had to change the film, so the awkward staring ensued. Rie is a lot more forward then Junji tho, so once he realized I wasn't moving voluntarily, he stepped up and motioned for me to join him at the barricade. He asked how I liked the concert and I said he did amazing. I told him I wanted to poke his cheek. We couldn't quite get the hand position right so I hit his hand once or twice lol. After the photo was taken I (looked into his eyes again - that was my mistake) told him he performed because beautifully. He grinned all wide and said "oh thank you!" and touched my hand. I got so shy that I nodded and hurried off - I was nearly running. He grabbed at me and was like “no no no no!” - it was because I ran off without my photo. 🫣 So I had to come back and take it from the staff member and tried to walk away but he called for me again and raised his hand, I figured for a high five, but he squeezed it a second and grinned before letting me slink away in shame.
Snapshots (Standard)
Then I had standard photos - I got one with Kyubin, Nine, Mill, Rie, and Junji. I wanted one with Yoojung but unfortunately his sold out before I could buy it 😩
Nine
I went to Nine first figuring he'd be not so bad, and I was right. He's very easy to be around. I told him he was amazing and he laughed and thanked me, and said I was more amazing. Honestly his interaction was by far the least star-struck that I had and I'm glad for it, it really solidified him as a great, easygoing person for me, and it was really nice to have that. Before I got to him, the person ahead of me spoke Korean, it was really cute bc he wasn't expecting it. He thanked her in English and she spoke back in Korean, his eyes bulged out of his head and he laughed so bright and chatted with her for a few seconds, it was really cute. Prior to the concert I was pretty sure he was my bias wrecker, and I definitely stand by that belief now, there's something just so nice about him. Not in a "comfort person" way but more of like... I don't know how to describe it tbh, he is just so naturally friendly.
Mill & Kyubin
Mill was so sweet and gentle. He pulled me so much closer than I thought he would - I was scared to touch him 😂 but when he tugged me close I was like oh, okay, this is fine. And he held on for a bit after and thanked me for coming, I thanked him and said he did so well. The woman doing his photos (she's known as a problematic person and really not very nice) was rushing a bit - I wish I could've talked with him for a minute more - he was very similar to Nine in the whole just, easy to talk to, normal person, not intimidating way. After I finished with him and was waiting for another member, I saw him interacting with a child fan that came. She was no more than 8 or 9, maybe younger. He was so sweet, it warmed my heart. He was like, fixing her hair and talking gently to her, honestly - kids and animals, THE prime indicator of a person. (Apparently Rie was very sweet to the kids too but I missed seeing that. Good thing, probably, I was already lost for that man).
Kyubin's was hard to read. He wasn't cold or mean, but he's very professional and kind. He is so frickin' tall. I told him he did so well tonight and thanked him for all his hard work, I wanted to say more to him, but my brain was blanking and I was so tired >.< - I know he's a chatty person if you start it, I've heard as much from other lyOns; my friend had a fun story with him. If I have any regrets at all from this concert, it's not finding a way to get a picture with Yoojung, and not chatting for longer with Kyubin and Mill. Next time I see OOO I'm definitely gonna try - they're all so great and I want to get that chance.
Junji (Again)
So then... Junji and Rie. I was nervous about going up to them again, but I don't know why. It wasn't like I was the only person that had multiple photos. I was still so embarrassed about running away from Rie before though, so I went to Junji first. He did that big crooked grin and stood upright when he saw me - it's such a cute expression and ngl it immediately made me less nervous. Despite his size, he exudes gentleness (even when he's nearly crushing you lol) and it's really comforting. The lady was changing the film (again! What luck) but this time I went up to him and said "I'm back again!" Unfortunately that was the same time he chose to say "Long time no see!" -- Which made us both laugh. I repeated what he said, but he repeated what I had said - I'm proud to say I shared a braincell with one of my biases for a second there, and it made him do that fucking adorable nose crinkle and smile again.
So we did our pose and I knew I wasn't going to walk away without saying something, this was my last chance, so I tried to speak - but he leaned really close to me (I'm not that short man, you don't have to bend down to hear me 😭). When he did, my brain short circuited - he is so fucking cute and I forgot how to speak English. For a good five seconds I was just stuttering "I--- will--" - but he just waited so patiently for me to stop being an idiot. Finally I managed to get my tongue to work and told him I'd see him again soon. Which isn't exactly what I wanted to say, but it was close enough. He leaned up and nodded and grinned and said "Yes we will!" and then he raised his fist for an exploding fist bump.
Rie (Again)
And thus left Rie. So I get up there and he grins and says "hi again" I mumbled what I hope sounded like hi. I forgot what the pose number was, so I just made the motion and he nodded and wrapped his arm around me really tight going "ah! yes". He had such a grip around my shoulders, I almost forgot to reach up and cup his chin lol. Other lyOns have mentioned that he really pulls you in, and they weren't kidding. I ended up wrapping my arm around his waist; he's so warm and soft, and he smells so amazing. Obviously, he's just, you know, a guy, but it was so relaxing for that moment - I would have gladly paid (more) money to just let him hug me for longer, he's got such a comforting touch.
He didn't immediately let go after the photo was taken (probably so I wouldn't run away from him again lol), instead he kept his arm around me and let me kind of step out of it. He raised one hand and I pressed palm to his; he wrapped his fingers around my hand and held me there, so I set my other hand on his bicep and finally met his gaze without panicking (go me!) - His gaze is so intense. I know I said that before, but it really is shocking. He gives his full attention to you and really focuses on what you're saying - it's really overwhelming, like you're the only person in the room with him, a friend, and not just a random person he met 10 seconds before. I told him that 'because' was the reason I ended up getting into OnlyOneOf and thanked him for it again. He grinned and bowed his head and thanked me, said I was too nice. He told me to have a nice night when I went to grab my photo, and I said "you do too"; he reached out one more time and squeezed my hand like he had been before and grinned before I walked off. That was the perfect end to the snapshots tbh.
Final Thoughts
And that was that - that was the whole experience, pretty much. Easily the best experience I've ever had relating to idols, concerts, or meeting celebrities in general. There's something special about these guys, the way they interact with fans, their overall vibe, idk. I didn't expect to get as overwhelmed by Rie as I did; up until that night my bias line was Junji and then Rie. That's really flipped - Rie is 100% the main bias, and to be entirely honest he's really fighting for Ult Bias spot and I think he's gonna take it. (Frankly the group is fighting for Ult Group and.. They are winning). Obviously it's an unfair advantage; I've never met my other idols aside from hi-touch, and it was really their interactions with me one on one that pushed them higher. They are amazing performers and do have a great stage charisma, but their ability to interact so easily and intimately with fans of all kinds was really what has shoved them a full head and shoulders above others.
Personally, I was anxious about meeting them. I know I'm not a stereotypical kpop fan. Obviously fans are diverse, but we have to admit, the majority is not made up of scruffy male presenting people. But this concert was so much more diverse than others I've been to, which was so great to see. And there was no difference in how they treated me versus how they treated their female presenting fans, their androgynous or enby fans, their clean shaven, younger male presenting fans, etc. That was so important to me. Being able to be comfortable as myself, not only with the friends I'd made but also with the group; not worrying about being perceived negatively; not sensing discomfort from any of them (real or imagined) - it meant the world to me, and I've genuinely never felt that welcome in a space like this before.
So that's that - this was a super long post, I'm sorry about that. While I was writing it, it let me go back and relive parts of it, realize things that I had overlooked before, etc. I hope it didn't bore anyone reading it to absolute tears. And I hope it encourages some of y'all to go see OOO if you have the chance. They are really amazing performers and guys, and I cannot wait to see them again.
#answered#ask#Anonymous#lyonblr#onlyoneof#ooo minneapolis#ooo rie#ooo mill#ooo kb#ooo yoojung#ooo nine#ooo junji#onlyoneof kb#onlyoneof rie#onlyoneof junji#onlyoneof nine#onlyoneof mill#onlyoneof yoojung
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Damn Assassin's Creed 2 is like... SO much better than the first one that I'm legit surprised at what a huge difference it is
Everything obviously looks more fluid and modern and shit, but the game also feels and plays so much better??? The camera angles in the first one were atrocious and I felt like I had very little control over Altair once he got going in both exploration and battle, and it feels much easier and more satisfying to control Ezio!
Before I started playing, I read some people saying that the new games don't have good stories like the early ones, and while playing the first game I was just... Really confused about that tbh, because like? It was... Okay at best? Honestly I did not give a shit about any single character in Altair's story, like??? The whole thing was extremely predictable and honestly I can only really remember two of the nine targets: the book burner- because he made me mad, and the "ugly" one- because I felt awful for him. I couldn't remember anyone's names because of the lack of subtitles (this was actually kind of a big deal for me, having subtitles in the second one is fr such a relief), and overall I was kinda just... Hoping for the game to end already so I could move on to the next one lol. I still scaled all the viewpoints, saved all the citizens, and got all of the info... Which, by the way, I used literally none of because by god did the game somehow do a bad job at incentiving stealth, the swordfights were literally like the most engaging game play element and it was easier to just brute force my way through most of the game- even though some of the informer missions just. Would not allow for that, which I actually appreciate (even if they were a big pain in the ass) because istg most of the main targets just. Cannot be assassinated and must be beaten in combat!! Assassin's Creed who? I only know Guy Who Loudly Murders Everyone With His Sword's Creed
Anyway I only finished the first part of Ezio's story (the rigged execution) but the story there is also much more interesting already! I love the database system, the little comments from Shaun and Rebecca's notes are a really nice touch too!
Honestly... THIS is a game I actively enjoy playing, whereas I kinda just went through the motions with the first one unfortunately. I do think it was worth playing it to get to this one though! It wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination, I just... Knew better ones were on the horizon, but like. I didn't expect such a huge jump already tbh so I'm very pleasantly surprised
Also. On a very subjective note, I enjoy the setting of the second game much more because I basically already live in the setting of the first one lol, to me Europe is much more fun than The Middle East lol
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