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sunshine-jesse · 4 months

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Ashley Literally Did Nothing Wrong, Fuck You, Fight Me

Alt title: Ashley Graves: The most convenient scapegoat in the world

I'm going to espouse a take here that will no doubt be controversial, as you can tell by the title. This is a take I've created from my hollistic understanding of the events of the game, and isn't dependent on any one single point I make in this essay. Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say. Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this:

Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

Moreover, I think Ashley is on the level of people like Rossiu, Shinji Ikari, and Skylar White as far as people who are mistreated by their fandoms goes.

At first this was going to be an essay about how I don't think the demons are evil, using textual and thematic evidence to show that they're just part of a system that deals mostly fairly with humans and doesn't have any nefarious plans, or at least nefarious plans that stand to fuck anyone over. But then I realized that, goodness gracious, that is boring as shit to write! But I looked at what I had written already and realized that I could write something else with it: something better. I could sum up a lot of the points made in my prior essays and elaborate upon them in much more detail, showing why I think certain themes are obviously present within this game. And here, I intend on doing that.

I've spoken a lot before about how Ashley is a scapegoat for all of Andrew's worst habits; and to a lesser extent, her mother's. The game makes it seemingly obvious that she's the bad one, and generally just a Very Not Good person. It shows her and her brother committing many different acts that are, under most moral systems, wrong, and implicitly implies that she's the reason that Andrew ever did those things. It implies that she's corrupting him, that he could be better and refuses- or is unable to- due to her poking and prodding. But… is that the truth? Is that how their relationship actually works, in practice? I don't believe so. I think I've made it obvious by now that I believe the exact opposite!

I'm going to start off by tackling the morality behind their actions, especially relative to the world they're in. Specifically, I'm going to tackle how the game presents the morality of their actions from a thematic point of view, and any statements it may or may not make.

First of all, TCOAL plays with a lot of different taboos- demon summoning, cannibalism, incest, murder- but the game goes through great lengths to muddy the moral weight of the siblings' actions. Every single action they commit is portrayed in the most neutral possible light- killings were done in self defense (with one notable exception), or done to people who greatly wronged them, cannibalism was a necessity to survive (also with one notable exception), incest is shown to come from a marked improvement in their relationship- leading me to believe that this game is taking a hard morally nihilistic stance. Else, they'd be shown to suffer for their actions, when in reality, the literal exact opposite is happening; they are being rewarded for it. This isn't necessarily glorifying the actions, but instead showing that even the worst of actions can potentially be excused, but whether or not you do is up to the reader. Hence, nihilism, or at the very least, skepticism (as noted by Lisafication). There's an existentialist reading of this too, but I think much of that is contingent on the events of chapter 3 so I won't get into that here.

It contrasts this mostly nihilistic perspective on interpersonal taboos with the deep societal ills that drive people to commit such actions. Evil exists at every level of analysis here, but curiously, the only thing that are shown to do direct harm to others without having a justification of some kind- be it self-defense or retaliation- are those societal ills. There is no (morally) good reason to quarantine people, starve them, and harvest their organs. There's no good reason to burn all evidence and then put a hit on the ones who did escape. There's no good reason to extort sexual favors from someone in exchange for food. These are deep structural problems that force people to either retaliate/lash out or enable people's most exploitative or abusive habits lest they just let themselves die.

And thus, the obvious evils become much less obvious. The game makes a point of subverting the obvious or the well-known when it comes to morals, and I think it does so when it comes to everything else, too. Outside of those societal ills (so far, ch3 might have something else to say), every situation where someone could obviously be shown as the bad person in a situation is immensely more complex than it first appears. So much so that I'd argue that displaying said complexity and subverting simplicity to force/encourage people to analyze things deeper is one of the central themes of the game.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not.

First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

Her reaction to the death of the first warden is one of utter shock.

And her expression afterwards?

This is not the look of someone who enjoyed the fact that someone killed for her sake. This is not the look of someone who finds joy to be had in violence. It's not even the look of someone who is apathetic towards violence. It almost seems to express shame or guilt, but at the very least, she's timid over it. At the very least, it's an "oh shit, he actually had to do that for my sake" face. Not a "haha, I am making him worse!" face.

Not to mention, not only does Andrew kill the first Warden without a care in the world, he proactively kills the 302 lady to eliminate all witnesses, and because he believes Ashley would want him to. But Ashley actually grills him for it; she didn't want the 302 lady to die, although she hardly had good-person-reasons for it. But that's not my point. The point is that she is not the violent one between the two of them.

The door doesn't open in response to violence, remember?

The game intentionally misleads us.

And what happens when Ashley tries to make him take responsibility for all this violence? To point out that she didn't force him to do anything and that he chose to do all of it, including lock Nina in the box? She lashes out, hits him a few times… and then he goes to strangle her, and doesn't let go until she acknowledges that he has no reason for her to be around. He literally doesn't cease his threat to her life until she acknowledges she's useless to him.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley. After all, she wasn't indignant. She was mocking him. She found it hilarious. But I have reasons for that charitability that I'll go over towards the end. But even with that charitability in mind, I don't think my reading is too off base. Defaulting to laughter or mocking in stressful situations is just what Ashley does. She's not indignant about it; she just finds it hilarious that people keep pretending to be better than her, when they're not.

Andrew killed the 302 lady and used Ashley as a scapegoat to justify it; this is indisputable, stated in the text during the dream. This alone validates Ashley's point of view. There is no interpretation of this event that doesn't paint Andrew as every bit as unscrupulous as Ashley, and thinking she corrupted him into this- when it was both one of the first actions he did on his own in the story and something he explicitly uses Ashley as a scapegoat for- is just ridiculous. It's frankly unreasonable. She has every right to be sick of being used as a scapegoat. And at the very least, whether or not you accept the idea that Andrew only let Ashley go once she acknowledged that she's useless to him, he's still so taken aback by his misinterpretation of Ashley's desires that HE goes to strangle HER.

This is NOT Andrew triumphantly standing up to his abuser. This is both of their masks slipping; Andrew revealing how violent and insistent on keeping up his internal narrative that he is, and Ashley revealing that she's getting tired of being blamed for everything.

And then, when he finally lets her go… she hugs him, and acknowledges that she's happy that Nina is gone, which makes little sense at the face of it. Why would that be her first response to being let go, when it was ostensibly what made Andrew so upset to begin with?

I think, to her, it's a conciliatory gesture. As chapter 2 showed us, she's more than willing to take responsibility for violence to relieve Andrew of stress over it, as evidenced by her finishing off their parents. This is an earlier instance of that; by acknowledging she was happy that Nina was dead, she took responsibility for it. She willingly framed herself as a bad person here, so Andrew wouldn't have to be.

She let herself be the scapegoat, because it's all she ever knew. She put the mask back on.

This alone is enough to challenge the idea that Ashley 'corrupts' Andrew in any meaningful way. How, exactly, can you define it as corrupt when society itself is twisted enough to force these actions to survive? In a more sane world, a lot of their actions would've been bad, sure, but they're also actions that the siblings probably wouldn't have done in a more sane world. Ashley's actions aren't making Andrew worse, they're helping to ensure their survival. You could say that this is still corruptive in its own way, but at that point it seems like your reasoning is motivated by having already had that narrative rather than making a good-faith reading of their dynamic.

At no point did she actually make him worse; he was already like that and just used her as an excuse.

Next up is the Nina situation. This one is obviously cut and dry- Ashley manipulates Andrew into killing Nina because she wants no competition between the two of them. It's not Andrew's fault and Ashley was an evil abuser from the jump. Obvious, right?

No. It's really not.

It's pretty strongly implied that Ashley was mistreated by people her whole life. The Lemon Cupcake scene shows this in more detail, about how people always neglect or ignore her birthdays, but she also says that nobody likes her because she's weird and loud in the Nina flashback too. But unless something big happened in between the two flashbacks, none of this behavior indicates particularly maladaptive or even strange tendencies on Ashley's part. She's a needy, bratty child, and the closest thing to a friend she has- Nina- wants to take away the one thing from her that's a source of comfort and emotional validation.

It's not entirely rational, sure! But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either, given Nina's reaction to Ashley being there and the lower left-hand painting past the Questionable door showing her being distant from the two of them. We can also see a star bouncing off of her head, and stars represent closeness in this game, so it shows there was an attempt made somewhere along the line, it's just not clear as to who made the attempt.

At the very least, Nina's reaction of disappointment fed into Ashley's preconceived notions of how people treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Although, from what has been directly stated, rather than implied, Nina was nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario; I don't mean to take that away from her.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?"

So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence. You can say "That's not how normal kids act!" all you want, but there's a level of spite and apathy that comes with intense bullying and emotional neglect that I don't think you really understand unless you've been there to the extent someone like Ashley has implied to be.

Andrew, meanwhile, was the one who told Ashley that they had to lock Nina in the box to keep them in there. He's the one who looked for and found the stick to keep them locked in. You could say he was coerced by an abusive person into hurting someone, sure, but you'd be wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, even. Like, if you actually think that a seven year old girl (nobody wears overalls past the age of seven) can have anything approximating an abusive dynamic with her as the perpetrator with someone both older and stronger than her, you frankly have some issues with women you need to work out. That's simply not how abuse dynamics work at that age.

Andrew wasn't entirely responsible for it either, mind- he was just a kid who should never have been saddled with this kind of responsibility. But that's not my point; the point is that it enables other people, Andrew included, to use her as a scapegoat to avoid his own responsibility. All this scene does is retroactively justify any preconceptions you might've had about them from seeing their adult selves first. But the moment you start digging, it becomes much less obvious who's really culpable here. Andrew was, as evidenced by the blood oath scene, fully aware that he held the advantage over her in strength, and managed to give up nothing when making the oath while he made Ashley swear to silence. He was fully aware that he could've chosen to do better, but he refused, and instead opted to reinforce Ashley's insecurities for the sake of exerting control over her.

I've said before that the 302 lady was murdered without any input from Ashley, but this is also relevant on a meta-level because it's done without any input from the player, either. Both of the murders in chapter 1 were like that, whereas all that we, the player can choose to do in that chapter is either solve puzzles, or hilariously, die. The only person with control here is Andrew, the character, and this is reinforced by the fact that we have no control over him for much of the Nina flashback, too. He locks her in the box regardless of our input, even though Ashley spends a lot of time trying to convince him. The main difference between the Nina flashback and the scenes in the apartment is that Ashley had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen in the present, whereas it's something she wanted with Nina- which isn't that big of a difference when discussing how much agency she really has.

As much as the game frames Ashley as a manipulator- and much of the fanbase uncritically accepts- she is given shockingly little in-game control over many of the actions committed. Even in the case of the Hitman- as a good friend of mine pointed out- the only choice the player is given is whether or not to check the closet and be killed; an impulsive decision leading to a swift and unceremonious end. In the end, Andrew is the one given the choice to kill the hitman, and we can consciously choose whether or not his reaction is panicked or measured. No such choice is given to Ashley, as most of her reactions are impulsive and spontaneous rather than planned. This is not the makings of a standard "manipulative evil bitch" trope. She's pretty consistently portrayed as someone with poor impulse and emotional control who loudly and aggressively states her intent in every single scenario she's in.

And you can still call what she says and does manipulative despite that, sure, but at what point are you just pathologizing relatively normal (if extreme and highly emotional) social interactions for the sake of fitting into a narrative you already held?

We see Ashley's status as a scapegoat for people to use to pretend to be normal reach its most blatant with the parents. This time it's pretty cut and dry to anyone that doesn't already have it in their mind that Ashley is evil and unforgivable. Mrs. Graves explicitly brings up the possibility of a normal life without Ashley to Andrew in the basement, and claims that Ashley was at fault for shutting her out. She would've been a normal parent otherwise, right? Well, no; the game wastes no time in showing that this wasn't the case in the Burial ending.

From when Ashley was a baby, Mrs. Graves was already tired of her shit, and too emotionally exhausted to be a parent. Despite her attempts at blaming Ashley, she would've never been a normal parent unless Ashley was a golden child in the same way that Andrew was. And yet Ashley didn't even deny shutting her mom out. She didn't deny the chance to be used as a scapegoat; it was all she ever knew. The fact that Mrs. Graves had the audacity to claim that she was a saint when she was never prepared to be a parent for a child who didn't make it easy, and when she was willing to sell out her children and let them die for a life insurance payment is absolutely astounding.

This alone should've been enough to recontextualize everything we supposedly know about how responsible Ashley really is in all of this, but bad parents have a knack for being great at manipulating both family members and everyone viewing from the outside, including the people playing the game.

And almost including Andrew.

Andrew almost accepting the mom's offer is the single most tragic moment in the game, by far.

Dandy said it best in his video essay: By Ashley leaving Andrew alone with their parents, she showed that she is capable of changing. That she is capable of getting better. She showed that she loves and respects Andrew enough to be able to put aside her usual role as the scapegoat and allow him to make the decision that was for the best for both of them. And make no mistake, it was for the best; if the mom really DID sell out the siblings, and given the two of them were already on the run for supposedly being dead, there was no hope of any of this ever working out. They saw through the conspiracy and knew the truth of how the quarantine operations really worked. They were an active threat to one of the most powerful entities seen in the setting so far, to the point where they had a hitman sent after them.

Mrs. Graves had every reason to sell them out again, for their presence in a public setting was more than enough to put everyone in their family in danger. Mrs. Graves had every reason to believe that the normalcy she wanted was nothing that could ever be grasped again so long as her children were alive, and as such, it was clear that she had nothing to offer either Andrew or Ashley. Ashley trusted Andrew to see through their obvious manipulations and lies, and understand that the parents had nothing left to give them. She trusted him to love her more than the false promises their parents could give.

…And yet. In spite of it all.

In spite of her love, in spite of clearly displaying that she can grow up and become a person that causes him less stress, and in spite of Ashley showing that all she wants now is their safety and security…

Andrew can still choose to consider Ashley the problem. He can still choose to use her as the scapegoat he always has.

He can still choose to see her as the one thing that caused him to be this way, that stands in between him and normalcy, when she, not once, forced him to do anything.

Were he to accept Mrs. Graves' offer, this would've been the single most tragic moment in the game. It almost was, and still stands to be, because he ignores every indication that things could be better for the sake of his own narrative, and a narrative echoed by much of the fandom.

But no matter what ending was picked, things could be better. They could've been better all along. Compared to chapter 1, their dynamic in chapter 2 is already much healthier. Their banter is less venomous, and while they still poke and prod each other in ways that aren't exactly great, they don't get into the same violent fights we saw in the 302 room. By all accounts, what happened in that room was an outlier. Even when they find themselves in their parents' house, where they stand to do the One Thing That Means They Would Never Be Normal Again, Ever (ignoring the fact that this is already a lost cause by then), Ashley doesn't get into any fights with Andrew in the same way she did back in the apartment. All she wants is affirmation and security. She doesn't even lay into her mom like she lays into Julia over the phone, even in their private conversations.

We’re led to believe that she’s still getting worse because the actions she’s taking are more extreme, but her attitudes and behaviors are much, much different. The actual actions they're taking are so obviously the right thing to do (both morally and practically) that I don't think it's until they eat their parents that you should make a double take and go "Wow, maybe these goblins actually are kinda fucked up," because until then, well… everything is justified! Perfectly so! Even then, eating their parents serves a purpose, even if not a mentally healthy one.

Maybe she’s calmer because she’s in control over the situation, but if the calls she made to Julia are any indication (independent of the theory that she didn’t actually say those things), were she unchanged as a person, she still would’ve lashed out at their mother over how much more useful she is to Andrew than their parents were, or something of that nature. Something about how nothing their mom offers could compete with what Ashley gives. But she makes no such claims. She feels no need to prove anything to her parents, or to reaffirm her place in Andrew’s life even in the face of her mother challenging it (or at least implying such a challenge). Regardless of her insecurities, she’s changed. It’s hard to see, but she has.

And then Andrew can ignore that and consider betraying her because he refuses to believe that she's willing to make their dynamic work, when she shows many different indications of being willing to concede as long as Andrew stops giving her mixed signals.

A friend of mine put it best, and I'm pretty much quoting her word for word here, because of how strongly I agree with it. When I look at Ashley, I find very few actual "flaws." I see familiar wounds.

The Burial ending, despite being triumphant and not nearly as "dark" as some people think, is still very, very sad. A lot of abusive dynamics are characterized by someone having to fight every step of the way to get what they need from the other person, usually some kind of emotional validation or relief. This is what happens between Andrew and Ashley for most of the game: Ashley wants Andrew to treat their relationship as special, to acknowledge there's something to it beyond just him going through the motions. And yet for most of the game, he refuses to, especially in chapter 1. And then, in Burial, when he does…

She's confused.

A lot of people view this as her being afraid of losing control over Andrew, since her "Andy," who she can push around, is gone. Andrew has changed, and the same tricks wouldn't work. But that's not what that is; it's not about control, it's about her finally getting what she wants from him without having to fight. She still thinks about using sex as leverage to keep him around, but that's because she's never understood what it's like to have someone actually want to be around her. And I speak from experience; when you no longer have to fight for every little bit of emotional validation or relief, when you no longer have to keep checking your messages to keep an argument going so you can finally be proven right, when you no longer have to force yourself to let go, to stop engaging, the reaction isn't happiness. It's not relief.

It's confusion. It's discontent.

Because something you've tied so much of yourself up in to is no longer there, despite it being more peaceful, it still feels wrong. The dynamic still has to be this way in your mind, because you've never known anything else. You latch on to whatever you can in order to justify that, and your actions are still heavily biased in favor of maintaining your place in that nonexistent dynamic. This isn't manipulation; it's trauma. And the fact that Ashley almost immediately understands that Andrew is changing is nothing short of a miracle. By consolidating past and present Andrew into a single person rather than splitting them into two, she showing that she can actually heal from that trauma. And all Andrew had to do to enable this is to acknowledge that she CAN change, that things CAN be better, and that everyone who claims to be better than her is full of shit.

I've analyzed the events of the story in a way that may seem needlessly antagonistic to some characters, and overly charitable to others. But I have to ask you, that if you disagree with anything I've said:

Where does that disagreement come from? What about my narrative clashes with your own? -Why- does it clash? Is it because the game presents your interpretation as obvious, whereas mine is not? Is it because you've experienced someone like Ashley before in your life, and you know it when you see it? Maybe you strongly identify with Andrew, and view his status as a doormat with no agency to be obvious? Or did you just accept the narrative that much of the fanbase has taken at face value, without further analysis other than building on top of it?

I don't believe these things to be contrarian; I've held most of these opinions since my first or second playthrough. I don't believe what I do because you don't, I believe what I do because I understand what Ashley has been through. I've experienced a lot of the specific traumas she had, such as deep feelings of isolation and being deprived of the emotional validation I need from the people who need to give it. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, to have who and what I am taken for granted, and to be terrified of being abandoned by the people I need the most. I see what I do because I understand.

And I want to give her that understanding that nobody gave me.

Maybe you should think about it. Why do you take it for granted that Andrew is a doormat who is strung along by Ashley? Why do you find it so odd when the trope of a woman corrupting a good man through leveraging sex is drawn into question? Why is Ashley seen as crazy, when all of her actions are so straightforward and rational? How is she corrupting him, when the single most needlessly violent act in the whole story- outside of the Nina flashback- is done without her influence? Why is Ashley seen as the abusive one when Andrew both threatens and resorts to physical violence and witholds emotional validation?

Weirdly personal tangent aside, Ashley and Andrew are two of the most well-written characters I have ever seen. They're not written like archetypes who interact with each other through a series of tropes; they're written like real people who's words and actions have astoundingly human motivations. They come from places that we can understand and relate to.

And just like people, they deserve respect. In spite of all they've done, they deserve love.

But make no mistake, Ashley is not the one stopping that love from happening. She just has the audacity to still want it in spite of everything telling her that she doesn't deserve it. We're led to believe she wants too much, but all she ever wanted was the bare minimum that she was never given.

And she has every right to be mad about it.

#andrew graves #ashley graves #the coffin of andy and leyley #tcoaal #tcoaal essay #gaming

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zaceouiswriting · 6 months

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The helpful teacher

Character: Jeremy Gilbert x teacher!male reader

Universe: Vampire Dairies

Warnings: Smut, inappropriate relationship between teacher and student, slightly forced sexual relationship but also not really

“Please, don’t forget your homework! The last essay showed me that you all have to work harder!” I call after my students without results. Sighing, I glanced at my grades sheet. Of twenty-five students, fifteen failed, and only two scored above average. Even though I haven't been a teacher for long, this course is far worse than any other I've taught this far. One of them, in particular, grinds my gears: Jeremy. I read some of his works before my class, and they were excellent. His downfall is truly heartbreaking.

Just as I was thinking about why one of the best students had fallen, there was a crash in my classroom. My eyes immediately jumped up. Back there in the class was none other than Jeremy himself. He is moving slowly as if he were drunk. He has trouble freeing his backpack from his chair. Jeremy shook and pulled until he stumbled back with his freed backpack in his hands.

With a gloomy smile, he threw the backpack over his shoulder and wandered towards the door.

“Stay for a moment?” I ask him harshly.

Hearing the tone in my voice makes him jump, his eyes widening as he realizes I'm still in the same room. I could immediately tell that something was wrong. His pupils are dilated, his eyes bloodshot. He reluctantly comes towards me, his hands in his pockets.

“Sit down.“

Jeremy follows my orders, seemingly knowing he's already in enough trouble. And he is, especially with his low grades.

“Would you like to explain why you’re drunk in my class?”

“I’m not drunk,” he speaks rather slowly.

“What then?“

Dismissively he crossed his arms before his chest. But sighs a moment later and says, "It does not matter. It’s not like you or anyone cares.”

At this point, I'm already upset. My disappointment is immeasurable. Still, I want to help him. But I can only do that if he wants help, too, and that doesn't seem to be the case.

"Then explain to me why someone as smart as you is failing every class and even got an F in a class you once excelled in."

He only sits there in silence. Anger burns in his eyes, but there is also something else, a pain that begs for help. As long as he keeps quiet, no one can help him.

“If you don’t answer me, come over here and bend over my desk.”

He tilts his head, confusion written all over his face. But my patience is already running out. In a decision that seems strange even to me, I step forward, grab him by his sweater, and pull him to his feet. Only to lead him to my desk, push him against it, turn him around, and slam his torso onto an open surface.

Before he could say anything, I pull his pants down. It's baffling why some teenagers don't wear belts. But I have to admit, it can be convenient in certain situations.

“You can’t do that!” He tries in vain to change my mind. But it's already too late.

I pull his underwear down enough to reveal his ass, a pretty and pale one at that. He's obviously never shown it to the sun, which is sad because Jeremy is rather attractive, and just from his butt alone, I can tell his body isn't bad either.

Strangely, he didn't try to get away. Even though his hands were balled into fists, with which he could've easily pushed me away. I would be lying if I said I didn't like it somewhere. He even looks like he's enjoying it, but it was most likely due to his drunken state.

With a sudden slap, I brought Jeremy back to reality, but even though my slap on his ass cheek was pretty hard, he didn't make a sound. Wondering why, I take a look at his face. I see him biting his bottom lip, his eyes are closed, and a shy smile coupled with a blush spreading across his cheeks shows me a darker side of him.

Riled up by his show of want for this punishment, I give him an entire spanking. However, he still doesn't make a sound. It somehow got me angry and disgusted with him. So I quickly take out a ruler. For a second, I see Jeremy open his eyes, but before he can see my new weapon, I swing and slam the ruler on his butt. For the first time, a scream comes from his lips, satisfying me. Suddenly, I feel something moving in my pants as I look down. I become horrified to see myself getting hard. Disturbed by my body's reaction, I dropped the ruler to the floor.

My hand moves of its own accord, caressing his ass and absorbing the sight of his ruddy glory. But soon, one of my fingers found his crack. Feeling bold, I let a finger wander towards it. But Jeremy told me to stop before I could get too far into it. Shocked that he finally found his words, I did as asked, at least for the moment. He still didn't move, so, encouraged by his unmoving position, I slid my finger through it again and even poked his hole.

I never in my life thought Jeremy would slam his hand on my desk and tell me to stop in a deep, sexy, authoritative tone. I'm so shocked that my knees buckled. Could a man younger and smaller than me really make me falter?

Then suddenly, what I had been wondering finally fell from my lips, so I ask, “Why didn't you move if you didn't like it?”

Silence. Jeremy didn't move, but he didn't say anything either. I try to stand up again, thinking he wouldn't say anything more, that I'd gone too far.

“Because you didn't tell me to,” he says, embarrassed.

Stunned by his words, I fall to my knees again. I try to think of what he could mean, but it quickly sends me into a whirlwind of thoughts. It's getting so bad my head is spinning.

“So if I told you to turn around, would you do that?”

He hummed in agreement but nothing else. So I tell him to turn around, and he does. His underwear is still in the same position, just with the second-largest tent I've ever seen. So large, in fact, that I think he could use it as a real weapon, at least to destroy someone's guts.

“Fuck!“

“What?” asks Jeremy, nervously.

But I’m too far gone at that point. I leap forward, pulling his underwear down completely. As his large, thick cock jumps in my face, all I could do was look up. For the first time, I see how handsome Jeremy truly is. Before I know it, my right hand is wrapped around his cock while my left fondles his big balls. He again bites his bottom lip.

“Are you doing everything I tell you?” Jeremy nods silently. "So if I told you to slam me on the floor and fuck me hard, would you do that?" He nods again. “And if I told you to kiss me, would you do that too?”

“Everything,” he says to me, trying not to moan.

“What if I tell you I want to do something to your ass?”

Suddenly his hands grab mine, and in an angry voice, he says, “Everything but my ass.”

I am shocked by his sudden change in behavior. Out of nowhere, I feel a knot explode in my stomach, and before I know it, I cum hard in my underwear. My whole body convulses violently. If Jeremy hadn't held me by the arms, I would have fallen sideways like a sack of potatoes.

It takes me a moment to come back to my senses, but Jeremy is still in the same position and seems unaware of the effect he's really having on me and my body.

"So you're a service top?" I ask, out of breath as soon as the fog in my head has cleared.

"What is that?“

“Doing whatever your partner sexually wants to satisfy him and make sure he enjoys every damn second of it. Like a good boy.”

Jeremy blushes at my words. It's quite adorable. He swallows loudly, clearly unsure of his next words. He whispers quietly, “I want to be a good boy.” He looks away shyly, biting his bottom lip again before clearing his throat and shrugging his shoulders. “As long as someone drains my balls, I don’t care.”

The second part obviously serves his male pride, which he should preserve. Because damn, he looks hot being prideful. Looking at him with flushed cheeks while he bites his bottom lip, he looks submissive, but when I look into his eyes, there is something completely different, a dominating force that makes me shudder. He's obviously holding back, but how far could I push him? Would he ever break, or would he just get power through it?

His hands slowly withdrew and instead grabbed the edges of my desk so I could do whatever I wanted with his large member. He leans back and thereby makes himself vulnerable to me. Jeremy is so young and yet mature enough to handle such a situation.

I look at his cock again and slowly stroke it up and down. The rest of my discipline quickly faded.

“Fuck it,” I say in a desperate voice, just before I put his head in my mouth. It's already filling my mouth, and I haven't even put much of his cock into it. But the taste is bitter and sweaty. I take it out of my mouth but still stroking as I look up. “From now on, you will wash yourself everyday, understand?”

Jeremy nodded awkwardly, clearly unprepared for such an order. Although he seems to have forgotten all about it, when I open my mouth wider and take about a third of his member into my mouth, I elicit a long moan from him. His cock is already shaking on my tongue. Maybe it's the first time someone is touching him, but I didn't think he would cum so early.

Just as I was thinking about it, it happened. An enormous amount of liquid ambrosia fills my mouth, and I quickly have trouble swallowing. But in the end, I didn't lose a single drop.

After I clean his cock, I pull it out. But it didn't go down, which is perfect since I'm not done with him yet.

“Sit on my chair!“

“Wha-“

"Get a grip and get on my chair! You want to be a good boy, right? Then sit in my fucking chair!“

As I raise my voice, he scrambles like a child with his hand in the cookie jar. He almost knocked over my chair when he jumped on it. A sudden surge of guilt washes over me. Is he so emotionally starved that he would do anything to feel connected to someone in some way? Am I really taking advantage of an emotionally hurting boy?

As I ponder on my decision to ruin my life just for an affair with one of my students, I look at Jeremy again. Unwashed, probably for a few days, heavy bags under his bloodshot eyes and slurred words. But besides that, there is an eagerness in his eyes, the look of an injured or abandoned puppy wanting a connection. Even though I feel guilty, I want to help him, and if I get something out of it, all the better.

I slowly pull up my tight shirt and show the boy my vigorously trained body. He sat in amazement, staring at the body I was hiding. Shedding off my pants, I thought he was going to pass out. I'm not the biggest, but I have a great body and ass. Jeremy probably wouldn't find another ass this good in a long while, as I take extreme care of myself.

"Do you want to touch me first or-"

“Yes!” Jeremy shouts before I can even finish.

I smile at him and step closer to him so he won't have to get up again. When he still didn't move, I lean in and whisper close to his ear, "Touch me wherever you want, but don't you dare get up from this chair!"

Gulping loudly, Jeremy nods slowly. When I receive his answer, I straighten my back again and pose in front of him. His hands roam over my body, discovering every little part of me. I even kneel down between his legs when he shows interest in my upper body, where he immediately starts touching me. He is so gentle, always silently asking with his eyes if everything is okay. He really is a sweetheart.

But when his soft hand caresses my warm cheek, he looks deep into my eyes. As soon as our eyes meet, I know I can't wait any longer. Before he could react, I stand up, push him back into the chair, and sit on his lap. He looks stunned the whole time.

"This is your first time, isn't it?" He gulped but nodded. “Well, then we have to make it memorable, right?” I ask, winking at him.

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. It feels more like he's about to go to heaven. So to get him back, I move my ass, letting his big cock slide between my ass cheeks. He snaps back to reality and almost dares to touch me, but at the last second, he stops his hands from gripping my waist. This will be the most fun I've had in a long time. I'm sure about that.

***

It's dark when I finally open the door to my classroom again. I have no idea how long we were in there. Jeremy is close behind me, exhausted, but the corners of his mouth are turned up in a happy smile.

"A good chat, Mr. Gilbert," I tell him, clearing my throat, "If we do this everyday, I'm sure you'll be back on track in no time."

“Everyday?” he asks, swallowing loudly.

But I didn't say anything else. Instead, I walk past him and go out. Luckily, the janitor hadn't made his rounds yet. I wait outside for Jeremy, who walks quickly past me with his head bowed without looking back, stirring something inside me.

As I get into my car, I sit there for a moment. Reaching for the seatbelt, it suddenly dawns on me. Did I just force one of my students to have sex with me to raise his grades? I slam my hands on the steering wheel and curse myself. How could I convince myself I would help a hurting young man like that? By using him? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

“Fuck!” I finally mutter and start the engine. Even though I know not to drive angry, I couldn't stay there any longer before someone would find me and ask why I was still there. Still, I couldn't stop cursing myself for something so stupid.

My therapists will be happy to hear that my impulse control seems to be gone again. Even after the many years of hard work, we had done. Except I should probably leave out that it was a student of mine. The least I can do for myself is not to sabotage myself further.

#jeremy gilbert x male reader #Jeremy Gilbert #vampire dairies #vampire dairies x male reader #x male reader #male reader #smut

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pixiecactus · 11 days

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Sansa knew all about the sorts of people Arya liked to talk to: squires and grooms and serving girls, old men and naked children, rough-spoken freeriders of uncertain birth. Arya would make friends with anybody.

so i've seen this quote used in a "see arya is not an outsider" kind of way, and here are my two cents that nobody asked for.

for me arya being an outsider is deeply connected to her self-esteem issues... so in this badly written essay i will (just kidding i couldn't write an essay even for the life of me):

imo this quote is a passive way to show sansa's classism, yeah arya is a friendly little girl, that's true, but i take more this quote as sansa meaning arya's comfortable in making friends with "the lowest of the low". there's a reason why jeyne poole and beth cassel were only sansa's friends and not arya and sansa's friends. growing up in winterfell, arya's mother, her assigned teacher and her older sister and her friends told and showed arya time and time again how she's not an adequate lady and how her behavior as a 9 year old child is completely unacceptable of a lady from a great house. (which is a little hypocrate coming from someone who once was 12 year old "mud pie maker" catelyn tully)

hello "arya's self-esteem issues that people love to ignore", there's a reason why when gendry tells arya she looked pretty and ladylike (i know the phrase used is "a nice oak tree" but guess what my book copy is in spanish and here gendry says "un roble bonito" and bonito is directly translated as "pretty") arya thinks gendry is mocking her, because she believes only her father and jon would say something like that of her while being truthful.

for fucks sake, it gets even worse. arya was anxiously worried about her mother and brother not wanting her back because she had to survive in middle of a war, she had to pass as a boy to avoid sexual violence, which women, girls and even femme presenting people are the primary victim of, she had to kill in situations where it was "kill or be killed", she had to work as a slave, she's dirty and could be simply defined as a mess, completely the contrary of the idea of someone "ladylike" that has been drilled into her head by many people.

arya is loved by her brothers, smallfolk and the people that worked for the starks, but was made an outsider in her own homeplace because she's not good at performing the gender roles expected of her. nobility treats her as an outsider, just because this little girl is gender non conforming. arya is still growing up with low self-esteem with the feeling that nobody would ever want her except for jon. a feeling that was born of failing her obligatory "lady duties" and being bullied and mocked by this fact, by the very own teacher employed by her family and some family members alike. we have arya's own mother constantly comparing the child who excels at her tasks with the child that fails these tasks in an attempt for the child that is failing to improve, which is horrible methoding and only ends up with arya feeling even more inadequate as someone who is a member of a noble house.

even the "arya was clearly ned's favourite" is laughable for me, because even in the part where ned gives back needle to arya, and decides to indulge her with water dancing lessons, he's only doing this with the hope that this is simply a child's interest that arya will grow out of it, and she will finally have the realization that her only place in life is being a "dutyful lady wife" whose sons will be able to be everything she ever wanted to be only because they will be born with a cock between their legs, that's what he tells her. so there we have ned stark passively enforcing gender roles on the child that asked for the possibility of breaking gender norms while she's in a possision of power.

and having both parents telling her in one way of another that her behavior is wrong and not what is expected of her, this only reinforces arya's idea of how inadequate she truly feels, how she will never fit in nobility and how she will have to let go big parts of who she is, to comply with westeros's patriarchal idea of what a noble woman needs to be.

#well... here goes nothing #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #house stark #arya stark #and her sister her mother and her father #anti sansa stans #anti asoiaf fandom

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 29 days

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What do you think M6’s answers would be to the question “is it better to feel all the pain or nothing at all?” I haven’t played all the routes so I can’t answer for everyone but I think

Julian -feel it all

Asra -nothing

Muriel -at the start of his route nothing but as he grows as a character it would shift slowly to feel it all

Portia -feel it all

I’d also love to hear your answer if you’re comfortable with that! As someone who’s felt both my answer is nothing bc in my experience the numbness allows you to still function. Even if the life you’re experiencing isn’t as full as it could be, you still get to experience it. When I become so overwhelmed by Everything I completely shut down and cease to be a person. I am my emotions. And I think in Asra’s route this kinda gets explored in that they choose to not feel as deeply ever again bc a muted life with MC is better than a full one without them. Anyway can you tell I recently reread The Giver lol

Woah, that's a good question friend!!

To be completely honest, I think all the M6 progress from the "numb" to the "willing to feel everything" point throughout their routes - as is the case for many people who are in the healing process! (essay below the cut)

Julian, while fully embracing the misery of his situation, is also running from the part of him that wants a happy ending. Meeting the MC is his slow journey of self-acceptance, realizing that his happiness is valuable and worth fighting for. He stops choosing one feeling to drown out all the others and starts feeling everything in a context of loving and being loved.

Asra's in a similar situation. They don't see giving up half their heart as something to regret, but they still talk about the reduced ability to be attached to people as a loss. Reconnecting with MC, being able to slowly bring down the walls that used to facilitate a drifting, untethered survival mode, allows him to start caring more about the people around him since he has a person to call home again.

When Nadia wakes up, she's lost. Seven years of memory have blipped out of view, she's responsible for a city she knows very little about, and the people who are supposed to help her are only getting in her way. She speaks of a similar numb state, being detached and uninvested in the world around her, until meeting MC and finding a way forward gives her what she needs to flourish again. We see a lot of that emotional progression in her reconnecting with her family.

Muriel is an almost textbook case of complex trauma and the myriad of coping mechanisms that arise from trying to escape it. I've written whole essays on the effects of his deal on that process before, but his journey with MC starts with him just wanting them to forget about him, and ends with him asking MC to help him collect the memories of himself and his people.

Portia isn't quite as much numb as she is stuck. From the moment her parents' ship wrecked, she's lived her life in the orbit of other people. First her older brother, then the children and grandmas of Nevivon, then her older brother again, now the Countess - it isn't until she begins to receive that same attention from MC that she starts to really own herself and discover the true depth of her capacity. While we never see her choosing to be numb, we do see her hesitating to come fully into her own. With MC's empowerment, that's exactly what she ends up being able to do.

And finally, Lucio - he's literally numb. He's spent the last three years trapped between realms in a ghostly form that won't let him feel anything at all beyond hunger. While MC is instrumental in returning him the capacity to feel, it's Lucio's own choice to take advantage of that as a fresh start.

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana game #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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hopefull-mindset · 3 months

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I've started reading The Great Gatsby (I've fallen into the reading classical literature trap 😔. I really need to finish Crime and Punishment.)

Anyhow I think it's really interesting how Asagiri chose to characterize many of the people in BSD. Especially after learning that irl Fitzgerald was more of a cynical person (at least towards the end of his life) than his animated counterpart. And it made me think of all the other characters of the show and how their characterized.

What was Asagiri's purpose as he came together with these characters? Why'd he have some characters act as their irl counterparts while others act more like the characters they wrote or people in their lives?

These aren't really questions that I wanted the answers to they were moreso just thoughts that I had. I'd love to have a peek into this man's mind and how it works

I think a lot of us have fallen into that trap LMAO. This is my favorite topic though. I could talk about this forever because Kafka Asagiri is an interesting person who has integrated a lot of literature into this one series. I don't know what goes on in this man’s mind and I know these aren't literal questions, but I am interested in sharing what I know!

As you've pointed out, some characters do act more like the people in these works written by them than the actual people. BSD isn't purely just taking these authors, their relationships, and then implementing them just like that. it also takes these authors’ literary personas, their impact socially, and their works to make them into who they are. Asagiri is doing this because it makes it more interesting, but also imagine writing about this authors where most of them lived depressing lives with qualities that don’t make uh, the type of story you want to tell.

I’m impressed with how creative he is.

I’m trying to limit myself on how much I should talk about this, but I fear that I’ll leave out important bits about how Asagiri incorporates these people into the work. I’m also just jittering and excited. Like I almost forgot to bring up the fact the reason BSD has a war narrative is because it takes Japanese authors from Meiji to Shōwa era, so about the time Western influence kicked in, forcing them to modernize and keep up with the rest of the world during what is a fairly short time for huge development like this, to post-war Japan where, you know, the Occupation of Japan is happening and they have to intake the traumatic repercussions of everything before that.

This can make The Great War functionally WW2, but obviously not a one to one match. I’m not a historian or anything, but this should come to mind for anyone who’s in the know about some Japanese history. Now that I’m bringing it up though, Mori’s attitude during the flashback with Yosano is put into context because he pretty much says himself that he needs his country to realize that they keep up with the rest of the world and that the battlefield is changing, and real life Japan did not care about how they did that.

With N, Chuuya, and Stormbringer too. I’m almost hesitant to bring this up because it’s so serious, but yes, Japan did do lethal human experimentation for that same purpose to keep up with the rest of the world and prove themselves.

Ahh, I went off track. Sorry, we were talking about how Asagiri writes characters, right? There is a lot of crossover between the real authors and their writing, so it’s sorta hard to tell with people like Dazai where the work influence ends and the the real person begins.

For me currently in my classic lit research period, I’m almost upset at myself for barley reading anything by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa because he’s my favorite character. I’ve just been so caught up doing my Oda Sakunosuke essay that I don’t have too much time for other authors. I’ve also picked up “The Similitude of Blossoms: A Critical Biography of Izumi Kyōka” recently (and A New Hamlet by Osamu Dazai, but that’s not important).

Ah, how much should I talk about.… hmm… how about Chuuya as an example of Literary Voice vs Real Person…. Lucy Montgomery and Edgar Allen Poe for Social Impact (for Japan specifically)…. and then.. Oh whatever, I’ll figure it out. One day I’ll talk about Kyouka, but not now. I’d feel ill prepared.

If you’ve ever read a poem by Chuuya Nakahara, taken in the emotion and deep feeling, and then found any fun facts about his interactions with other authors, there’s a huge contrast between those two modes that can be jarring. Im sure you can tell how that carries over to BSD. I’m impressed by how Asagiri is able to balance both the brash attitude of Chuuya and the inner literary voice that voices the emotion and care he has in him.

Edgar Allen Poe is slightly more obvious than Lucy’s influence (or maybe it’s Lucy’s, ah it depends), but both pop out at you when it’s pointed out. He was one of the first American authors to be introduced to Japan and fairly popular, but mainly we would point to Edogawa Ranpo as the most blatantly influenced by him and who his name is quite literally attached to. While Lucy Montgomery isn’t attached to anyone in particular, Anne of The Green Gables was wildly distributed in Japan when there were few english children books and became a hit.

There’s a television series too if you search for it. Any redhead, pigtail-braided girl you see in some Japanese media is because of her! It’s probably why these two have the most presence in the story currently compared to other members of the Guild and work with the Agency at times.

There are times when Asagiri will use influences outside of the author’s own catalog to create them, some literary like Albert Camus’s The Stranger and The Myth of Sisyphus (in writing characters like Dazai or Fyodor, I could make a post about that), and some just of his own anime/manga interests in other series like Jojo, Cowboy Bebop, Black Lagoon, etc. if you’re familiar.

I’d feel bad if I don’t at least show one example of this so, how about an Odasaku example with The Long Goodbye by Reymond Chandler? I was going to avoid talking about him until the essay, but I can’t help myself. Many have pointed out these parallels before, but Asagiri did point it to be his favorite book last year in an interview.

If you’ve noticed that the presentation for Dark Era in the anime comes off like a Noir film just like how Untold Origins came off like a black and white samurai film, good job! The Long Goodbye is a Noir novel about a detective named Phillip Marlowe who is unable to let go of a case involving a friend that was accused of murdering his own wife, but supposedly commits suicide and confesses to it before Marlowe is able to leave custody. By the end of the book, he uncovers the real perpetuator (a past lover of Terry Lennox’s before he was ever called by that name) and finds out where Lennox really is by poking into the story of where the message he got was sent.

He comes in with a new look and identity, and he asks if it’s too early for a gimlet. They say their last few words to each other, Marlowe flipping back and forth from acknowledging him as Terry Lennox and as a person he never knew, and then Marlowe tells him that “he’s not here anymore”. Marlowe had already told him goodbye when it was sad and lonely, so Lennox does the same here. That ends that mutual, long goodbye and he never sees Lennox again.

The immediate response I’ve see about this is how it parallels the relationship between Dazai and Odasaku. In The Day I Picked Up Dazai, just like how Marlowe brings him to his home to clean him up and meet up at the same bar for the next few months of their friendship, Odasaku also does so with Dazai and drinks a Gimlet for reasons he doesn’t know. In reality, Gimlets are a representation of the friendship between Marlowe and Lennox as it’s Lennox’s favorite drink. It makes it a little painful when Marlowe ignores him when he ask to go get a gimlet at that same bar they always went.

BEAST is more hyper specific about it by having Dazai ask the same question that Lennox asks when he gets smoked out and Odasaku asking for a gimlet with no bitters, which is specifically how Lennox takes it. Odasaku does not drink the gimlet at all though, showing that there is not friendship to start or accept or say goodbye to, as Lennox does ask Marlowe to drink a Gimlet to say goodbye to him in the letter. Just like TDIPUD is like their beginning, BEAST is their ending without ending because BEAST Dazai is not the same person he was friends with.

Odasaku fulfills being a detective and Dazai is the tragic friend with a past he doesn’t say anything about. Great. Now what I think people are missing when they entirely focus on Odasaku and Dazai when they talk about Lennox and Marlowe is that Lennox is narratively also Andre Gide.

If we were to split Lennox into three people just like his three identities, this is what it would look like:

The Friend: You help him out and don’t judge for his faults, in turn you go out to a bar with each other. It’s uneasy, but it’s worth a lot to the both of you. Eventually you have to part ways in death. (Dazai & Terry Lennox)

The Unknown: Is he someone you know? He acts like it, but he looks nothing like what you’ve encounter before. Maybe in some world you were, but that’s not now and it’s too late for this goodbye to be playing out. You let it happened though and you never see him again when he walks out that door. (BEAST Dazai & “Señor Maioranos”)

The Soldier: The past is right around the corner and its come to bite you in the ass. White hair and war memories haunting him with a scar as a reminder, he’s a reflection of you but maybe not. Who knows? (Andre Gide & “Paul Marston.”)

The initials “P.M.” of both his past name and Phillip Marlowe’s is meant to clue in how Eileen (the past lover) is connected to Lennox by her thinking of Marlowe as her past lover as she attempts to seduce him in some trance. What I’m trying to note here though is that you can take this as Lennox being another reflection of himself. It’s easy to do that reading for both Dazai and Gide as they’re both his foils and are purposely similar, but Gide aligns more with this past identity than Dazai does and retains his white hair.

Uhhh, wasn't planning to make a mini-analysis in the middle of my talking but okay. I'm leaving it off there. I went blank a lot while writing because I didn’t know what I wanted to comment on. There's too much to say about this large cast. I have way more literary fun facts and ideas to say, but nah.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #mori ougai #bsd analysis #bsd meta #bsd edgar allan poe #bsd lucy #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #bsd beast #the day i picked up dazai #andre gide

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ananke-xiii · 3 months

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About Sam Winchester.

[This post has been edited after my discussion with @samjgirl , @sam-winchester-admiration-league and after @adaav 's comment to my post. I really want to thank them for their time and for pointing many interesting points out. I wasn't well informed about the techniques of storytelling and I believe I lost a bit of focus after season 11. Now I'm actually happier as I've started to even more appreciate this character, so win-win for me!]

The character of Sam Winchester was my biggest surprise and my biggest disappointment while watching Supernatural (but it's not his fault). [EDIT: while I still don't particularly like (for now) s12-15, I've realized that my disappoint was more due to my ignonorance of storytelling techniques rather than by the way the character was written]

It was my biggest surprise because I had never related to a fictional character this much before. I think you just have to both be the younger sibling of a dysfunctional nuclear family and be trauma-bonded to your elder sibling to get it. I won't go into further details about it because it's a whole essay, but I have to mention it because I need to state that I feel a deep connection to Sam. We both made the same choices, the same "mistakes", the same sacrifices.

So I was astonished when I started Supernatural because of the way it felt true and real. I don't know if the writers lived similar experiences and were therefore able to tell this story truthfully, but they nevertheless did a hell of a job in describing the unique bond of two siblings trying their best to navigate their traumas.

From season 1 to 8-9ish, we see Sam morphing from being the hero of the story to one of the two main characters. [EDIT: this is incorrect, Sam has always been the hero of the story. I think I felt like he was "shifting" into a slightly less prominent role because Dean, as supporting protagonist, was given more space in order to proceed with the filler episodes]Slowly but surely, Dean also becomes the hero and I think that was fair. [EDIT: see above, technically this is incorrect, sorry lol!]You can't fully narrate the story of a bond withouth fully integrate one part of it. I loved all the parallels to Michael/Lucifer and Cain/Abel. I thought they were brilliant. The show allowed me to go deep inside and start sorting out some stuff I've lived. It really made me think a lot.

It's fair to say that the brothers' codependency was the crux of their problem. It was painful to watch and sometimed downright awkward but the writers got it all right: the otherwise unxeplicable and toxic jealousy they felt for one another, the inability to share their deepest feelings in way other than fighting, and hell yes, even Sam's decision to run away and not look for his brother after season 7. It was not OOC, it's exactly what he did when he was 18 and what John did as well 4 years after that. As a matter of fact, Sam is more similar to John than Dean could ever be.

It's definitely been a long journey but I find that the resolution of their codependency (in season ELEVEN!) was cleverly thought-out and brilliantly executed. It couldn't have happened before, the two bothers must have been either already in or close to their 30s to confront the knot, to acknwoledge the grip the trauma they've lived had on their life. Sometimes getting older does help and give you perspective. This might be why (as I've stated here) season 11 is my favourite one: it gives a sense of closure and hope.

However, here comes the biggest disappointment part. [EDIT: this is due to the fact that in part, I didn't fully get it]

After season 11 Sam morphs from one of the two main characters to a side character. [EDIT: incorrect, as per previous EDIT, Sam is always the hero and lead protagonist]The show must be about the brothers' bond and I'm okay with that. However, it looks like after season 11 the writers couldn't come up with new ideas to talk about this kind of bond. It felt like, other than co-dependency, the bond didn't have much to say. Therefore, both Sam and Dean almost go back to square one while they had all the possibilities to explore a new aspect of their relationship.

What could've been this new aspect? Easy: making them realize that the family they each wanted was, simply, different. This is just my opinion on the subject and how I've felt about season 12-15 so it's okay if you disagree. [EDIT: well, this is still my opinion, although it has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role in the story and more about my personal preference, so I think this is where I got confused]

In my opinion, from season 12 Sam is just a part of Dean's family. It's not "Sam&Dean"'s family. It's just Dean's. And I think the writers could've explored that in a more meaningful way. Let me explain: let's take Cas since he makes the perfect example for this scenario. Dean has repeatedly included Cas in the "family", he's called him not just his brother but "our brother". He includes Sam in the equation but I personally don't think Sam feels the same way. Sure, Sam cares for Cas and thinks he's family, but I think his idea of family is "Cas is my brother's husbandbest friend and therefore he's part of the family". He's extended family, kind of. [EDIT: this is still just my opinion and has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role. Although "family" is one of the themes of the show, it was not the only one]

My opinion is canonically backed because, aside from Rowena, all the members of the Winchesters Found Family are part of the family because Dean has allowed them, Dean has a deeper relatioship to them and ultimately because Dean decides who can enter the circle. This is totally in character and I love Dean for his ability to care and form deep bonds. [EDIT: this was also needed for Dean as a character because he's not the lead protagonist so he had to have something else in the story that was not necessarily connected to the mytharc]

However, this is not in Sam's character: Sam is the one who runs away, the one who wants to create his own family, the one who really needs to emancipate himself from his older brother. I truly wished the writers explored his passivity in "accepting" the status quo and made him, if not rebel, at least express his wants.

It would have been a moment in Sam's growth if he could've just, instead of running away, confronted his brother and stated that his desires were different, that he was part of Dean's family but it was not his family. Instead, we only have glimpes of what Sam really feels: he doesn't think of the bunker as his home, he doesn't ever say that he has a family (not surprisingly it's Dean that in "Lebanon" tells John "I have a family" and not Sam), he doesn't really have any other meaningful relationship aside from his brother.

Supernatural ending did him dirty, too. Not just for the awful wig and make-up but because the ending framed Sam as a two-dimensional character: "freed" from his brother and his brother's family, he finds a blurry wife, a dog, a son, a white picket fence. How sad is that? We never get to see Sam really connecting with anyone: all (and by all I really mean ALL) the women in his life, from his mother to one-night-stands while on the road passing through Ruby, end up dead (RIP Sarah Blake). Of course his wife at the end had to be a blurry figure in the backfround (she was not even besides him on his deathbed!): she was a testament to all of his past relationships. Like, seriously, apart from Dean, the ONLY lasting relationship Sam has throughout the whole series is with LUCIFER and this alone, I think, speaks volume. [EDIT: again this just relates to the fact that I'm not particularly fond of s12-15 and of the overall ending. Technically speaking, the ending makes sense. Whether I liked it or not is another issue]

In conclusion, after season 11 Sam is no longer an interesting character because the writers both downright refused to give him another substantial character to interact with and insisted once again on his codependency with Dean (which was already resolved). [EDIT, tbh it was a weak ending to begin with, LOL, I didn't like it even after I wrote it hahahhaa, but yeah, as this whole post proves Sam Winchester is far from being an uninteresting character because I just spent a frigging afternoon learning new things thanks to him so I guess he's like the gift that keeps on giving!]

Having said that, in my heart of hearts, Sam Winchester will always have a special place because I get him, I really do.

#we need to talk about sam winchester #sam winchester #spn meta #supernatural meta #supernatural #sibling bonding #codependency #spn season 15 #spn finale #this show did my boy dirty #castiel #found family #dean winchester #justice for sam winchester

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butch-reidentified · 1 year

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ima go ahead n answer both these at once if that's good w yall.

here's the referenced post for anyone who missed it.

I've posted a LOT about adoption before. feel free to search #adoption, #ethical adoption, #adoptee or #adopted, etc in my tags for those posts. if you can't find them bc Tumblr is shit at searching lmk and I will try to dig em up. I have a Google doc of organized/categorized Tumblr links because of the search function being such a joke

anyway that said. what I meant is that it is sooo obvious to most adoptees from a young age that it's a consumer industry and we are a product for sale. most of us who always knew we were adopted have that horrifying realization very very young, far too young to know how to deal with it. yes I am glad when other people figure this out too but it's a bit irritating for non adoptees to act like this is some mystical wisdom they alone could've uncovered when it's part of the trauma inherent to adoption to realize you were purchased 🤷

I'm not against adoption like some adoptees are, but I could write ESSAYS on my criticisms of the industry and how it SHOULD work. in fact, I have written essay length posts about it in the tags listed above. but ultimately nobody gives a fuck & NOBODY of any political orientation wants to hear that adoption perhaps isn't the utterly selfless flawless silver bullet solution to unwanted kids that everyone treats it as. yet statistically we KNOW most adoptees are extremely damaged by it, the research is there but nobody talks about it. nobody likes you if you talk about it. the walls go up real quick.

one of my favorite things is how adoption seems to be the ONE area that absolutely nobody respects lived material experience about. even loads of leftists/radfems who are always going on and on about the importance of listening to people's real, lived experiences will aggressively talk over us adoptees if we dare have the audacity to critique adoption/the adoption industry or acknowledge that it's fuckin traumatic even for an infant being yanked away from the only stimuli you knew for 9 months and put somewhere where you can't recognize yourself in anyone or anything for the next 18+ years. and that's best case scenario! scenario where they don't abuse you or spend your childhood guilt tripping you because they oh so selflessly took you in when nobody wanted you and now look how difficult you are, crying all the time n shit... just as 1 common experience I know many share from my own life and talking to other adoptees.

but nearly every time we try to talk about this, even if it has nothing to do with criticizing the adoption industry and we are JUST tryna get painful shit off our chest, some non adoptee or 8 is/are gonna jump down our throat (and often even say all the same shit our parents guilted us with as kids lmao)

it's also 1000% a feminist issue bc SO many mothers are forced into adopting out a kid they wanna keep, or adoption being available is used to justify forcing women to give birth instead of aborting an unwanted pregnancy when those women would otherwise choose the latter. not to mention the designer baby shit & the preference for white male babies... and the fact that it's human beings being literally sold as a good. Just because it's legal and isn't outright sex slavery or "forced labor" (tho adopted kids are so often viciously abused and often in those exact ways) doesn't make it right to buy or sell a human being, doesn't make it not human trafficking. & I say this as an adoptee who was ALSO trafficked as a teenager.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #ethical adoption #adopted #adoptee #adoption industry #legal trafficking

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phantomrose96 · 1 year

Note

So I'm one of those people who had to take a break reading ABoT. Part way through reading I thought of that writing advice that goes something like "look at the current scenario and figure out how things can get worse" and decided ABoT was applying that advice with both fervor and finesse. It had me hooked through multiple all nighters and it wasn't until, ironically, the ending of chapter 37 where Reigen is standing in the remains of the Mogami house that I stared at the next chapter button and realized I would absolutely not be able to handle more, mentally or emotionally, if this fic kept following the previous advice. So I set it aside for a month to recover, tentatively poked into the next chapter tense and ready for things to continue spiraling, and gradually started to relax and unravel until...well, you know. I remember having to put my phone down and take a walk with the reveal of everything that Ritsu had incidentally caused (even if the blame can be pinned on basically everyone in some measure, but that's a whole other essay in my notes).

When I reached the current cliffhanger, I waited a scant day before starting all over, this time slower, more careful, and with a more analytical eye. Not for critique, but because I was confused. That writing advice from before, I'd seen it implemented both poorly and skillfully, and ABoT used it with a finesse I've yet to see anywhere else, and I had to figure out how. What made what can be boiled down to a high stakes wild goose chase so compelling? Why couldn't I put this story down until my emotional limit couldn't handle any more? How could I learn from this and make my own writing better? What did this have that I clearly lacked?

I don't think it was until after Teru's and Ritsu's first fight that it clicked for me. I stared at that scene, then my own characters, and realized I'd written two of my own meeting in a similar fight and had neglected any form of consequences. My characters became friends because of a mutual friend. Because that was the end goal I wanted. I had that omniscient knowledge; I knew I wanted them to end up as friends, so I wrote the most objectively logical decision to make.

Except. These characters aren't objectively logical. They make the decisions that look the best to them in the moment, even if those decisions are bad, or horrible. A character who's been soundly beaten into the ground by another won't so easily become their friend, even if their opponent is the nicest person ever. There's distrust and fear. They're going to make bad decisions. Things weren't getting worse for the sake of getting worse. They got worse because of the direct (bad) decisions of the characters.

Once I realized that, I was struck with such violent inspiration I wrote something like 11k words worth of scenes and revitalized my own love of writing in a day. I was so stuck on the end goals I forgot about the struggles in between. I had gotten so focused on grand, overarching conflict, I forgot how compelling it can be to just have two characters punch each other in the face. Too much of my writing had stuff happening around the characters instead of happening TO or BECAUSE of them. I had forgotten character conflict, and when I started writing those flaws, I couldn't stop. I was having too much fun!

Sorry for rambling about my own stuff, I just wanted to convey how much impact you and ABoT have had on my own creative endeavors. I've been inundated with too many stories, fics, movies that occur on such big planet-wide scales with dire, multiverse threatening levels of conflict, that when presented with a long form tale of a kid desperate for his missing brother, told from the perspectives of a small, well developed and spectacularly characterized cast, in a single city, told with stakes that made me care more than any threat to the world, it was like a breath of fresh air. So I guess this is a thank you for ABoT as a whole and a thank you for writing Ritsu the way you do.

Unfortunately for him, he's an inspiration.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YES YOU GET IT YOU GET IT YOU GET IT

ABoT, if nothing else, is a story about its characters. Everything that happens with consequence to the plot can be traced back to a character's own decisions. The characters' wants and needs and actions and faults all come first, and the plot follows accordingly.

(And maybe that sounds obvious.) Aren't stories about characters? But there are so many stories where the characters are just kinda... there. They're blank slates to receive the plot happening around them. Many things they try to do have no consequence. They'll try to take action and the plot will carry on exactly the same as though they'd never even tried, because the writer doesn't want to figure out how that character action might matter. Or a character will do something awful and the plot will just brush past and forget, no consequences or continuity, because the writer had their fun in the moments but now they care about getting the plot back on track, and that would be annoying to work around. They create stories where you can't put your excitement and investment in the characters cuz you just... can't trust they'll matter.

The most important thing about ABoT, to me, is that the characters are making it happen. The good, the bad, can all be traced back to decisions characters had the active choice in making.

I have plenty of fun joking that ABoT is one of those "oh my god it keeps getting worse!!!" stories, but I never ever do that by just dropping random terrible things from the sky. It's always the characters. It's them and it's their consequences of everything they've set in motion, or fought against, or allowed to happen. It's always a thread, thoroughly traceable, spawning from character actions which drives everything both good and terrible (and SUPREMELY terrible) that happens. It will always be the characters.

And I really, truly believe this is what I'm doing to make what is ultimately a wild goose chase featuring less than a dozen people worth reading. When Ritsu fucks up, it's worth caring about because you know this will impact the course of the story. When Reigen succeeds, it matters because he does have a grip on the reigns of the plot and has the chance to better this for everyone. When a character does anything, it matters because is about them, and what they're desperately trying to achieve.

And when a scene isn't about "an action with a consequence", it's still a scene with a point. For any scene I write I always make sure I can answer "what's the point of this scene?" Mob and Reigen reopening Spirits and Such isn't about to barrel the plot forward, but it's hearty and important character development for them. It's the "why should I care about this future being snatched from their grip" when everything goes wrong.

When everything went bad bad around chapter 32, and tumbled worse for many chapters to come, it was me finally tipping over the first domino in a chain of dominoes the characters themselves have been setting up since the start. It went bad not because I arbitrarily decided to fuck with them, but because everyone's actions carried consequences.

Even with ABoT's WORST possible outcome, where Mogami comes out the victor with everything he wants, all others crushed beneath him, this will mean the ruination or death of about... 10 people. A blip on the news. An "oh isn't that sad?" when a second kidnapped son never makes it home, when a conman goes missing (not noticed until a month later when the rent comes due), when a police officer kills his wife and himself, when an orphan kid vanishes off the map from Black Vinegar mid. And life would carry on. And the sun would still rise every day. And no part of this would end the world.

But if I'm doing this right, I want that outcome to feel like the end of the world. I want it to feel worse than that, given what a quiet and unsung tragedy it would be for all these personal efforts and struggles and desperate reaches for betterment are snuffed where they stand. Because they tried and it mattered and they failed anyway.

It IS just a wild goose chase centering around a kid who wants to have his kidnapped brother back, and it's 350k+ words to me.

dfjkdfnkjdf so anyway, I am very clearly super thrilled you were able to see this! It all ties back to character weaknesses and strengths, consequences of actions, irrational responses to situations fueled by character, and not by logic, and the audience knowing that what these characters do will matter. I love stories where humans are messy. I love stories where the tragedy happened because of them, where you can trace the thread back and find exactly how it all went wrong. I love clashing personalities. I love character spirals you can see a mile away and yet you know exactly why the character did that. I love yelling at the pages while knowing that realistically, this character wasn't going to do any better than that. I love knowing exactly how things could have been avoided, and knowing exactly why they happened anyway. I love seeing consequences stick. I love seeing characters matter. And I'm goddamn thrilled you feel that way too and that ABoT could make you find the way to do that in your own characters!!!

#abot #a breach of trust #sorry this took so long to answer i kept writing responses that got way off track #and then I'd have to come back like #'no you cannot write a 20000 word explanation of every single pivotal character action and consequence in abot'#'i know you (me) worked hard to plan those out but you (me) cannot write all that'

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vivid-bluez · 5 months

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Helluva Boss' Worldbuilding is Awful

This is going to be a different post than what I normally post. It will be a bit more negative than how I normally word things but I want to get my thoughts out there since it's something I've been hyper fixating on for awhile.

Helluva Boss is a web series on YouTube currently in its 2nd season created by Vivienne Medrano, it serves as a spin-off of her other creative property Hazbin Hotel which was recently picked up by A24 and will air its first season on Prime next month. I wanted to discuss the worldbuilding of Helluva Boss, how and why I think it doesn't work, and why that hurts it's storytelling. This essay isn't meant to be only dunking on Viv or people who still love the show, I'm not writing this to be mean. I'm writing this because I do have a soft spot for these shows, Helluva Boss S1 is a comfort show to me and Hazbin was my first foyer into indie animation. I respect Medrano for what she was able to accomplish with her shows and I write this as my own form of a love letter to the show that I want so badly to improve and be the best it can be.

The Hierarchy

Both Hazbin and Helluva take place in the same universe and are set in the same location, Hell. Hell is a concept that's been around for a long time and has had several stories written about it, it has multiple different interpretations and depictions throughout the years. Medrano's version of Hell seems to be based on Dante's Inferno version of Hell, a story that depicts Hell as having multiple layers with the sins being condensed to their own rings. Medrano's version only has 7 rings as opposed to Dante's 9 rings, one ring for each of the 7 deadly sins.

Medrano's Hell is depicted as a hierarchical society with very strict rules that those within the hierarchy must obey. Those at the bottom of the hierarchy are treated like garbage by those above them, with very little one can do to transcend the position they were born into. Furthermore, dating someone underneath you in the hierarchy, especially if you're higher on it like in the Ars Goeita, is seen as disgraceful and disgusting. The hierarchy is depicted below:

This hierarchy, as confirmed by Medrano in an interview and further established in Helluva, is the official ranking of the denizens of Hell. It seems fine until you realize that the Sinners, former humans who sinned in life and got themselves into Hell, are above all of the Hellborn in status. The reason it doesn't really make sense is because Hell is meant to be a place where sinners are tortured for eternity for their sins, with the Hellborn usually being the ones doing the torturing. So why are they above the Hellborn? Why do mortal souls outrank those of actual demons? We're never given an answer for this, it's really odd.

My other problem with the hierarchy is that its established rules are often broken and bent when the writers feel like it. The most prominent example is when it comes to Higher Demons having relationships with Lower Demons. In the first season; Blitz, an Imp, someone at the bottom of the hierarchy, and Stolas, a member of the Ars Goeita and a Prince, being in a sexual relationship with each other is seen as disgusting and shocking by those around them.

When Stella is calling Stolas out for cheating on her she seems more upset that it was with an imp, with most of her insults being based around that.

"Do you want to fuck this one (referring to their imp butler) too?!" - Stella (S1E2 LooLoo Land) "Fucking IMP SUCKER!" - Stella (S2E4 Western Energy)

When Stolas and Blitz are called out in Ozzie's for their relationship, the characters don't seem to point out that he's cheating but again, who he's cheating with.

"ARE YOU SLEEPIN' WITH AN IMP?!" - Wally Wackford (S1E7 Ozzie's) "Whew! My dark lord, how the mighty do fall." - Asmodeus (S1E7 Ozzie's)

All of these moments make it clear that having a relationship with someone outside of your social class, especially those at the literal bottom of the barrel, is frowned upon heavily in Hell's society.

So why are Ozzie and Fizz, and also Bee and Tex, able to be so public about their relationships and nobody cares?

Tex, a hellhound on the same level of status as the imps arguably even lower, is dating Beezlebub, a Deadly Sin and queen of the Gluttony Ring. They don't hide their relationship at all, with Tex introducing her as his girlfriend at a public event and Bee acting very lovey-dovey to him in public. Shouldn't there be a scandal about this? The class difference is arguably more than Blitz and Stolas, with Stolas only being a demon Prince, Bee is a Queen and she's dating someone whom most of Hell considers to be little more than actual pets. No one looks at them weird or even makes a comment about it?

Fizz and Ozzie are in the same boat, a deadly sin, the King of Lust is dating an imp. They at least somewhat point this out in the universe (Newspaper articles of Ozzie being a hypocrite and characters calling their relationship the worst-kept secret in Hell) but they don't get nearly the same amount of venom and societal ridicule that Stolas and Blitz got. When Asmodeus confirms in front of an entire crowd of Hellborns at Mammon's Clown Pageant in S2E7 MAMON'S MAGNIFICENT MIDSEASON SPECIAL, the crowd is... extremely accepting of it. With all of them cheering for Fizz and Ozzie and Mammon seemingly being the odd one out when it comes to ridiculing them for their supposedly forbidden love.

So what's the deal? Are higher demons and lower demons forbidden from dating each other or not? Because of how the show is written, it seems like it's only a problem when it's Stolas and Blitz. It's one example but still a glaring inconsistency in the worldbuilding that leaves several fans confused.

Hell not feeling like Hell

So outside of the hierarchy posing its own issues the actual setting also poses its own issues. A common criticism I've seen of Helluva and Hazbin is that Hell is just "Earth but red" and I'd have to agree with that honestly. You could replace the setting of Helluva as a group of assassins running a business in a major city like Los Angeles and change Stolas to being just a shady rich corporate backer and very little about the plot would change.

I'll just rapid fire some things that Hell has that make no sense in a place that's supposed to be evil, lawless, and a place of eternal suffering:

Fire Fighters

Hospitals that even lower classes can use.

Jails and Cops?? (What the fuck)

A fucking priest, officiating a wedding with a bible which implies there's a Hell Christianity?

Weddings and marriages that seem identical to Earth ones or Christian marriages (wouldn't Hell hate marriages for how they're tied to religion and God?)

Fucking Courts.

If these were one-off gags or something mentioned only once, I could let it slide. (Like Millie and Moxxie being married or Stolas and Stella getting a divorce) but when you drag out these plot points or repeatedly show things that make your world just feel like Earth but with a new coat of paint on it, It begins to feel like your world is just Earth but with a new coat of paint on it.

The worldbuilding in Helluva Boss feels like the worldbuilding in Cars where it just leaves more questions than it answers. (Why are sidewalks a thing in a world of sentient cars? They show an American flag so does that mean that the Car Civil War happened? THE POPE IS HERE IS THERE A CAR JESUS THAT DIED ON THE CAR CROSS FOR OUR CAR SINS??)

What is Demonic Law?

In Helluva Boss, the business the characters run is stated by multiple characters to be illegal. There are demons permitted to access the human world and imps are not one of them, making their business illegal. I.M.P's use of Stolas' grimoire is illegal it is not meant to be lent out to anyone, especially not to imps, Stolas even says so himself in S1E5 Harvest Moon. Stolas later affirms that the Imps need to be careful because if they get caught it could land all of them in trouble in S1E6 Truth Seekers:

"How the fuck did you get caught!? Were you not being careful? If you get in trouble I get in trouble!" - Stolas (S1E6 Truth Seekers)

So what's the deal with Stolas in S2E6 waltzing up to a DEADLY SIN and basically admitting that Blitz's running an ILLEGAL BUSINESS AND HE'S AN ACOMPLIS TO IT?? Asmodeus just... doesn't care that this demon prince just admitted to breaking demon law? Also, Blitz can advertise his business without worry that it could bite him in the ass, no one else at I.M.P. is concerned that they're running an illegal business that could land all of them in hot water? No one questions why a bunch of imps have access to the living world even though they're not supposed to?

Another thing they set up is Human Disguises, in S1E3 where Loona calls them out for going to the human world without using human disguises, making a big deal out of it. Whenever Loona goes to the human world she wears a human disguise as well as Verosika, her squad, and Stolas in S2E2.

"A human called me a possum! I am NOT a possum!" - Moxxie (S1E3 Spring Broken)

The human disguise rule is so inconsistent, why do Loona and Stolas wear theirs in Seeing Stars when Octavia is wandering around without one and the most people do is give her weird looks. The imps run around fine without them and no one cares or can see through their bad disguises The humans in the Hellverse are too stupid to notice the literal demons so why even bring up disguises at all? Why have human disguises be apart of Demon Law if it doesn't matter?

Demons being ...Nice?

A common response to criticism of this show is usually "It's Hell.". While I've already gone over why it sure don't feel like it but what's weirder still is yes, it's hell. Why are some people so fucking nice?

Moxxie doesn't want to kill an innocent mother and seems pretty soft, Millie and Moxxie are incredibly loving and caring to each other, when Blitz is younger, he has qualms against stealing, then we've got Beezlebub and Asmodeus who, by all accounts, are just nice people.

Bee becomes concerned for Blitz when he begins binge drinking (Aka, engaging in her sin) at one of her parties and Asmodeus has an entire speech about why consent matters and how lust shouldn't be forced. I'm not advocating for Ozzie to be a rapist or for Bee to be a one dimensional bitch but, it really doesn't make sense for the literal embodiments of sins to be so nice.

On that same note, there are villians in this show that we're mostly supposed to hate because they're.. mean?

Glitz and Glam, we hate them because they're hyper-competitive and mean to Fizz, but they're demons? Shouldn't we expect them to be mean? Stella is an abusive screaming harpy and awful to Stolas and we hate her for it, but she's a demon princess? Shouldn't that behavior be normal in Hell?

Certain demons being nice is fine, and it can give them depth, but when every 'good guy' is nice and chill and only the evil or villainousxczxc characters are cartoonishly evil it starts to become apparent that it's writer's bias.

Conclusion

While this isn't all of the worldbuilding issues that exist within Medrano's Hellverse, it's the big ones that I have the most problems with. For a show that's supposed to be made as a way to further build upon the world of Hell, Helluva does a very poor job at that and at points is even detrimental to Hazbin.

What I mean is, if Charlie needs a backer to the hotel, why doesn't she ask Ozzie or Bee? They seem like they'd be down for it since they're surprisingly anti-sin. Charlie no longer feels special because she isn't the only nice demon, she isn't the odd one out anymore since a lot of Hell's leaders also seem to be pretty chill and nice.

Again, this isn't a rant or something that I made to dunk on these shows, I love both of them still and I want them to be better. For Hazbin and Helluva to live up to their potential and be the best they can be, no work is above being critiqued, it comes with the territory and I wish more of the fandom was normal about someone having negative feelings towards parts of the show's writing and to stop putting good faith and bad faith criticism in the same boot and backing that shit into the Hudson.

#helluva boss #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #worldbuilding #long post #like no seriously #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel criticism #the autism is autisming

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mittysins · 11 months

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Newt at Home

Includes: Trans mpreg, graphic labor and orgasmic birth

I'm so glad I was able to get this finished! First Mayternity, in the bag. Of course I needed to use Newt for this. I'm so proud that I've actually managed to complete a seasonal art piece. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

[FIND THE UNCENSORED ART ON TWITTER]

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Okay, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not kind of freaked out. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing a loose shirt and a pair of sweatpants, quickly scribbling down the time in my notebook.

10:56 PM. I've been in labor for 10 hours, at least. I couldn't really tell at first, thinking the twinge in my lower abdomen was just Braxton Hicks. I ate my lunch and had a nap without a second thought.

Eventually I realized the pain wasn't going away, in fact it was introducing a new pressure in my hips that I was frankly not a fan of. Okay. So that’s how it is.

I started by emailing my professor. Just a vague mention of a family emergency, and that I was going to need an extension on an upcoming essay.

Continuing on, I sent a quick “baby’s on her way!” to the group chat where my friends were dicking around as they usually did. I laughed at their excited responses as I tapped my pen on the paper. Newest contraction started 43 seconds ago. I was doing just fine.

Then to get down to business. I blessed my past self for having half a mind to have everything ready a month beforehand. Everything I needed was in the bottom drawer of the baby’s dresser. A few old towels, a package of training pads, and settled neatly on top was a pair of sterile clamps and scissors within blue plastic packaging. I felt my heart skip a beat when I opened the drawer to set everything up. This was actually happening.

It was a waiting game from then on. Which is how I ended up here. My contractions are now 4 minutes apart and it's really starting to set in. My chest burns in a weird way, most likely a result of binding for years. I accepted the lung damage a long time ago, and it seems to be making itself well known as my breathing grows increasingly ragged. I can't quite keep my legs together anymore with that ever-present weight on my pelvis. It feels like something is about to give at any second. I assume it’s my water, honestly I figured it would have broken by now. I let out a long sigh as the contraction ends and set down the pen. I sway my hips as I flip through the notebook on the counter in front of me. Written on the first page is the date my pregnancy test was positive as well as a few phone numbers. I can still see a few splotches of faded numbers where my tears had mixed with the ink of my favorite pen. The next few pages were symptoms, weight, my medications including my testosterone gel. Everything medical. I was so scared all those months ago, it almost makes me anxious to look back on those pages. I prefer to look at the middle of the notebook, where I noted when I had gone a week without morning sickness, my first weird craving, the bizarre and vivid dreams I was having. My favorite was the page dedicated to name suggestions. All my friends took turns scribbling down names they liked, laughing and teasing each other as we crossed some out and circled others. It isn't too long before I flip to my current page and glance at my phone.

11:00 on the dot.

I bite my lip and continue my swaying with a firm grip on the counter. It hurts now. That's not to say it didn't hurt before, but now it's getting intense. Each clawing contraction feels like a band being tightened around my entire lower abdomen. It's enough to keep me tensed up with my head bowed for its entirety, until finally, finally, there's that give.

I let out a soft groan as my water breaks. It's not a huge gush like in the movies, more of like a gentle pop followed by a steady stream of fluid that lasts a few seconds. I take a moment to assess my situation. Pants need to come off, obviously, but after that? I couldn't quite decide. I weigh my options as I wattle back to my room and remove my sweatpants, tossing them into a laundry pile I'd designated to this whole ordeal. I could lay in bed with a pillow between my knees and just… wait. I quickly toss that option when I realize how little I've sat still since I even realized I was in labor. A shower sounds nice, the wetness between my legs is less than pleasant and the water on my back would be helpful. I could set up a spot on the couch, just throw down some waterproof pads and a towel or two and labor there, maybe get some last minute work done.

I tense up. Oh, now this is different. I subconsciously bend my knees a little as the contraction reaches its peak. The release of pressure when my water broke was heavenly, but the respite didn't last long. Instead the pressure returned, now bringing with it an intense fullness resting just at the base of my pelvis. I grimace as I feel more fluid trickle between my thighs. Shower it is.

I watch the clock switch to 11:04 as the contraction lets up.

It's a short walk across the hall to get to my bathroom. I realize how sensitive my nipples are when I peel off my shirt. I flush at the sound I make when the fabric drags, sending a jolt down my spine. I'm getting worked up and my heart rate quickens for a moment. I turn the faucet tab and slowly drag myself into the tub, letting the warm water run down my back and legs. For a few moments it feels like routine again. Just me and my baby. No college, no work, no bills, no angry parents. Just me, lowering myself to my knees in the shower, my baby burrowing dangerously low in my pelvis with the next contraction.

It's hard to keep track of time from then on. I'm sort of just zoning out a lot, concentrating closely with each new wave of pain and letting my mind wander in the steeply decreasing downtime. Eventually I’m talking aloud to her, telling her how loved she already is, that she can come on out when she’s ready, that I'm so excited to finally meet her. That I'm ready. My mindless blabbering stops when I feel a very sudden shift.

Before I realize it I'm openly groaning into the air with the gripping contraction. It all just got very real, and I can feel myself becoming frantic. The increase in pressure was maddening, and no amount of shifting and rolling my hips would relieve it. My last contraction was at most a minute ago. I don't have long at all. I decide to push, just the tiniest bit, at the end of the contraction. It's just a little shove, I don't even hold my breath. Just enough to try it out and get a feel for the sensation. If she’s coming, she's coming. If she’s not, what happens? I wait a little longer and try again?

Another timid nudge.

Yeah, she’s definitely coming.

As soon as the contraction lets up I turn off the shower and heave myself out to towel off. I almost want to jump out of my skin I'm so excited. A quick collection of my shirt, phone and towel and I’m waddling back into my room, haphazardly tossing them on my bed. I decide to wait until after the next contraction to climb up onto my bed and really get this show on the road. When I get a look at myself in the full length mirror near my dresser I have a chance to catch my breath. My taught belly has noticeably dropped, basically screaming to the world what was about to happen. I'm flushed and sweaty and my wet hair is still sticking to my forehead. I’m all out of sorts, but I couldn't care one bit what I look like right now. Baby couldn't care less either. That telltale tightening grips me again, and when it begs for me to push along with it, I deepen my stance into a half-squat and bare down.

It almost feels… good? It's a very odd sensation but it feels like such a release to finally get to work with the pressure instead of against it. Two firm pushes in front of the mirror and I decided my bed was there if I needed it. Instead, I swipe a training pad from the package and lay it down on the floor in front of the mirror before stepping onto it. And I wait. At this point I'm so eager to push it’s hard to focus on anything else. I slowly lower myself down to be half kneeling, one foot propped up to let my hips open. I suck in a deep breath, and just like that I'm stuck in a contraction and pushing so hard I see my face go red. Exhale, inhale, push like hell. So it goes.

It only takes a few good pushes to feel something hard and very noticeably large lodged in my birth canal. Between pushes one of my hands dips down and curiously prods at my lips. I don't know what I was expecting to feel, she’s definitely not there yet, but nevertheless I’m a lot more sensitive than usual. I feel perpetually slick now considering I've been leaking little by little for the last hour and a half. But that's not just it. The past twelve hours have been the most in-tune I've ever felt with my body, like we’re finally working towards the same goal of giving birth to my daughter safely and calmly. The excitement and the love mixed with the fullness of her head moving downward almost became ecstasy. One accidental brush to my sensitive clit and I'm shivering. The sudden rush of pleasure triggers a contraction and I weakly push through it. Once the contraction ends my fingers slip into my birth canal. I was disappointed for a moment when I didn't feel anything.

Until I did. About two and a half knuckles deep, there was the hard, slimy ball I had been working down for the past twelve hours.

Oh my fucking god, that’s my baby.

I was awestruck. Just allowing the pads of my middle and ring fingers to press against her head was enough to have me grinning like an idiot.

Returning my hand to its place on my knee, I bore down again with the upcoming contraction. This time a low groan escapes my throat and I find myself leaning forward just the slightest bit. Looking in the mirror, I become fixated on the bulge forming behind my lips. I'm leaking fluid considerably now, and I'm grunting out little pushes when I swear I see a dark sliver start to part my folds. I only saw it for a split second. My hand dips between my legs once more and I press a finger into my lips. Sure enough, just out of sight rests my baby’s head. The quick progress I made surprises me, and I let out a breathy laugh as I trace my fingers back up to my dick. The warm tingling in my belly when I rub a few experimental circles into the swollen nub quickly melts my grunts into soft moans. My breath quickens. I was expecting this to be horribly painful, yet here I am moaning with the next contraction. All I can focus on in the mirror is the sight of my lips parting for my baby’s head. I moan through the stretch of my perineum, letting my pleasure bring me higher as I watch my lips pull out into a teardrop shape.

My rubbing has found a steady pace, and my hips buck a bit. I'm close, I can tell, and I feel the head continue to push my lips open. That burn is starting to set in. Another firm push.

I almost yelp when the head stretches me to a full crown, but I find myself so awestruck by the sight that I fail to make any noise at all. My rubbing continues as there the head stays. The burn is searing. Until finally, the release of my orgasm carries me blissfully as the head surges forward with a gush.

I kneel there for a moment, legs shaking and eyes fluttering, as I process what just happened. The aftershocks distract me through the next contraction, giving me time to gather myself. I can see it in the mirror, my baby’s head hanging out of me as it's supported in my hands. A sob rips from my throat as my fingers wander, feeling her tiny ears and nose.

“Oooh-kaaaaay.” I breathe, shaking off the numb tingly feeling that accompanied my orgasm. My fingers fumble around the baby’s neck, quickly untangling the umbilical cord and pulling over her head.

After lifting myself up to standing, the short few steps that should have been my journey to my bed became a quest. I knew I had no chance of closing my legs at this point, so it's a slow shuffle making my way over with shaky legs and a hand between them to support my baby. Climbing up onto the mattress isn't much easier, but I eventually manage to sit up against my pillows, legs butterflied out. From there I wait.

“Come on, kiddo.” I encourage. “I’m ready, you can come out now.” I wiggle my hips and give a tiny push, trying to get her to turn.

Once she does, I'm all in. My hands find purchase behind my knees and I pull back, red in the face as I push as hard as I can for the shoulders. The way I'm sitting, I don’t even need the mirror to see. I watch as my swollen lips spread around the first shoulder, then the other with a small spurt of fluid, and then-

I barely have time to catch her as with the last push, the rest of the baby spills out with a gush.

“Oh my god-” I sputter out as I lift the infant to my chest. As soon as she touches my skin, she begins wailing. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I check her over with wide, misty eyes.

“You are just absolutely perfect, aren't you?”

I giggle at her squirming attempt to get comfortable. So that’s what’s been keeping me up at night.

The ache sets in quickly, and I make quick (quick enough) work of delivering the afterbirth, cutting the cord and making sure we were both cleaned up and warm. Once I'm in a pair of sweatpants and back with her on my bed, I lay her back down on my bare chest, opting for a light blanket to wear cape-style and cover us both. I'm absolutely awestruck.

“Alright, we’ve given your aunts and uncles enough emotional prep time, don't you think?” I say decidedly to the already-sleeping infant as I unlock my phone, quickly finding the “video call” button in the group chat.

I'm grinning like an idiot as three of my friends join the call at lightspeed, the other two following quickly behind.

“Guys, someone wants to meet you!”

#tmpreg #mpreg #trans pregnancy #birth #birth kink #labor #m draws #pregnancy #nbpreg #birth fic #mayternity

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heliads · 2 years

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harry potter request!

well, can you please do one with Theodore Nott where he's grumpy with everyone, but he seems to be very humorous around the reader? like teasing her or doing something to get her attention bc they are rival academics? i would appreciate it! tysm.

sorry if it sounds confusing.

ok i've never written for theo before so i hope this isn't extremely out of character lol but it was fun!

masterlist

You are on the verge of greatness. Merlin, it’s so hard to focus on essays these days, especially with the weekend just around the corner, but you think you might manage it now. The words are flowing smoothly from your pen, plucked out of your mind like a fresh fruit and laid to rest on your parchment. You especially need your focus now, because your counterargument is looming around the corner and you haven’t quite got it down yet. This essay is due soon, too, so you really, really need your concentration–

And it’s gone, snatched away by the boy sitting behind you. Of all the places to study in the Hogwarts library, you’re not sure why he had to choose the table right behind you. Your backs are practically touching. It’s awful, and you certainly can’t pay attention to your thesis right now.

Vexed, you drop your quill pen with a clatter to the table and turn around so you can face the aforementioned boy. “Theodore Nott, you do realize that I actually need to be studying, right?”

Theo, as charming as always, just flashes you a smile. He’s already looking at you, forearm draped casually over the back of his chair.

“Is that not what you were doing now? I suppose I’m confused as to why you’re suddenly addressing me.” He says.

You roll your eyes. “Because you haven’t been staring at me for the past half hour? I know you’re doing it, by the way. What could possibly be so entertaining about watching me scribble out an essay?”

Theo flashes you a bright grin, all sharp teeth and twinkling eyes. “Oh, nothing. It’s just funny that you think you’re going to get the top grade on that essay. We both know I’m far better at Transfiguration.”

You arch a dubious brow. “I’m sure you are. Didn’t I get an Outstanding on the last exam, though? As my memory serves me, you only got an Exceeds Expectations. That’s almost laughable.”

Theo doesn’t seem particularly fazed by this. Indeed, he only leans closer to you, gaze sparking as if you truly are his favorite form of amusement.

“Almost laughable? Y/N, my dear,” he says through lips tugged upwards, “I’m hurt. Truly.”

You laugh. “If I actually believed that, I would be out of my mind. Not unlike you thinking that my essay isn’t going to totally blow yours out of the water, by the way.”

Theo grins back at you. “I appreciate your confidence. It is terribly misguided, of course, but I’m glad you can keep your spirits up at a time like this.”

You give him a look. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Theo replies. “Absolutely. Positivity is important, but it will not save you from getting the second best score. That’s a proven fact.”

You strongly consider sticking your tongue out at him, but decide against it just in time. “Proven by whom? A certain Mr. Theodore Nott?”

He arches a brow. “No, although I’m sure he’s a very credible source. I’m talking about every class ever. I get it, you want to block that out of your mind, but the truth is the truth. I suppose I’m just too good.”

You open your mouth to argue with this, but you’re cut off by the ring of the bell signaling the end of study hall. You settle for a cross look, and start to gather up your supplies. Behind you, Theo pushes in his chair (as if he’s got any manners whatsoever, the git) and has the audacity to raise a casual hand in goodbye before he goes.

You watch him go with a purely irritated look, and find yourself surprised to notice that the corners of your mouth refuse to flatten out of a smile. It’s easy enough to distract yourself by pushing your quills and stacks of parchment into your bag, and once you head out of the library, you’ve almost forgotten the whole encounter. So you tell yourself, at least.

There’s somebody waiting for you just outside the library door, a dark-haired girl with her arms crossed viciously against her chest.

“You were supposed to meet up with me fifteen minutes before study hall ended, you know,” she complains, “I’d like to know what happened to stop that from happening.”

You just laugh. “Come on, Pansy, that wasn’t my fault. I was trapped by a very irritating Theo Nott.”

Pansy Parkinson may be the scourge of all Gryffindors and the occasional Ravenclaw who’s crossed the line, but to you, she’s one of your closest friends. You’ve long since learned to disregard her sharp tongue, as most of her barbs aren’t meant to wound.

Still, to any stranger walking by, Pansy appears to be just as nettled as ever. “Theo, huh? How could he possibly get in the way? The guy refuses to talk to anyone he deems below him, which is basically everyone.”

You raise a brow, glancing over at your friend in bemusement. “Seems familiar, doesn’t it?”

Pansy rolls her eyes. “Oh, stop with the attitude. I’m just telling the truth. Theo is constantly in a foul mood, and he never talks to anyone unless he can help it. Of course, I have noticed him talking to you, though. Today is just another example of that.”

Pansy’s grinning rather triumphantly, which never spells good things for you. “What do you mean by that?” You ask, somewhat nervous.

Pansy just lifts a shoulder. “You know exactly what I mean. Theo doesn’t seem to hate you as much as he hates the rest of us. I’m just wondering why.”

You scoff. “As if. He spent the entire time today just trying to mess with me so I would screw up on my essay and he would get a better grade. Trust me, Theo dislikes me as much as the rest.”

Pansy doesn’t seem all that convinced, though. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Give me some time, I can prove it.”

That raises even more alarm than before, but Pansy refuses to clarify. Instead, she switches the topic to the latest Potions assignment, something you’re all too happy to talk about instead. The sooner Pansy forgets about this, the better.

However, in all the time you’ve known her, Pansy rarely gives up on an opportunity when it crosses her path. Thus, you suppose you shouldn’t be all that surprised when you find yourself discussing the same topic about three days later in Charms.

Across the room, Professor Flitwick is yammering about the spell you’re about to do, and Pansy leans over to whisper something to you.

“Look, here’s your chance to prove how Theodore feels. We’re supposed to practice this spell with partners, right? Watch this.” Pansy says, eyes bright with self justification.

You glance at Theo, sitting somewhat innocently across the room. Once Flitwick announces that it’s time to pick a partner, Pansy scampers over to Theo, smiling at him as if they’re the best of friends.

“Say, how about we work together for this spell? I think we would–”

Pansy is cut off by the iciest glare you’ve ever seen on a Hogwarts student. Although Pansy and Theo are both Slytherins and therefore at least partial allies, Theo’s supposed preferential treatment doesn’t extend to her. He shakes his head once, eyes cold.

“I think I’ll pass. Go chase down another unlucky soul, will you? I’d rather be by myself for this one.”

You have to fight back a laugh at Pansy’s irate look, but she just walks back to you as if she’s won. “See what I mean? Borderline cruelty, right there. Now it’s your turn.”

You shake your head. “Not a chance. He’s going to know what we’re doing, it’s pretty obvious. I think you’ve proved your point.”

Pansy, however, is not going to take no for an answer, especially not after being shut down by Theo so quickly. “You can’t back out of this now, Y/N. Go. Besides, if you don’t do it, it’ll basically be like you’re admitting I’m right and you’re too scared to ask him.”

That does it. You are a Slytherin through and through, after all, and that means your pride has a fair amount of say in what you choose to do. At last, you give Pansy a vexed look, then grab your bag and cross the Charms classroom.

Theo looks up when you slide into the seat next to him, but you don’t give him a chance to speak, already pulling out your wand and glancing up at the instructions Flitwick’s written across the board.

“We’re doing Incendio again? Didn’t we learn that years ago?”

Theo’s mouth is twitching into something that could almost resemble a smile. “I believe we did, but we keep forgetting it, so we get the reminder. What are you doing here?”

You toss him a bored look, as if surprised that he hasn’t already caught on. “I’m working with you on the spell, I thought it was obvious.”

Despite your supposedly cavalier attitude, your breath catches in your chest just slightly, waiting for the shoe to drop and Theo to dismiss you just as harshly as he did Pansy. You’re certainly expecting it, he teases you every chance he gets. Surely that doesn’t mean preferential treatment, right? Surely you can’t expect anything from him the way Pansy believes you will?

However, Theo’s surprised look just transitions into a slow and steady grin. “I should have known.”

“Yes,” you say briskly, “you should have.”

Your remarks are just a way of hiding your sudden relief, of course. Looks like Pansy was right. And, glancing across the room to where your friend is wearing a grin no less pleased than Theo’s, she knows it too.

During the entire class period, you can’t focus for a second. Thank Merlin the spell is one you’ve done before, as you don’t think you have the attention span to learn something new. All you can think about is that Pansy was right, Theodore really does seem to like you better than anyone else, even Pansy Parkinson herself. Why would that be?

You keep stealing glances at him, but Theo seems just as amused by the whole thing as you are. Does he wonder why you’re here? Evidently, it doesn’t seem to trouble him all that much or he would have been mean to you, too, but still. The fact remains that you have no idea how to behave around him. Seems like some things will never change.

Once the class ends, you start to leave as soon as you can, but a hand descends around your wrist, stopping you in place. When you turn back around, you realize that Theo is the one grabbing your hand, although you’re not sure that you mind it.

“Wait for me,” he says, “I want to know what’s going on with you.”

You do your best to not seem guilty. “What does that mean?”

Now that he’s certain you’re not going to try to lose him in the crowd (although it seems like a rather pleasant possibility), Theo lets go of your wrist. You’re not sure if that makes you more or less sure of yourself.

“You never sit with me in class, and certainly not during a partner assignment. Why did that change today?”

Theo asks it simply, but you’re not sure how you’re supposed to respond. How do you tell him that you only did it to prove to your friend, and perhaps even to yourself, that Theo likes you better than the others? You’d then have to explain why that matters so much to you, and you’re not sure that you want to get into that right now.

Still, it doesn’t seem that you’re going to have much choice. At last, you swallow the last of your misgiving and speak, using the clamor of everyone filing into the halls to mask your words from the general public.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

Theo blinks, surprised. “What do you mean?”

You gesture vaguely around the corridor as the two of you walk. “You joke with me and not with anyone else. Not even with the other Slytherins.”

Theo’s expression clears. “That’s why Parkinson came up to me during Charms, wasn’t it? The two of you were testing me.”

You respond quickly before he can grow too upset. “And we weren’t wrong, were we? All this time, I thought you just didn’t like me. Guess I was wrong.”

Theo glances at you, smirking slightly. “You thought I didn’t like you? You really couldn’t be more wrong.”

Your brow furrows. “What does that mean?”

His smirk grows, and a moment later, he’s pulling you into an empty classroom, taking advantage of the privacy to kiss you. The moment you realize what’s going on, he’s pulling away, but it’s still enough to make the ground swim beneath your feet.

“That’s what I meant,” he says. By all accounts, it’s a pretty good explanation. In particular, it’s one that you’re perfectly fine with hearing again and again.

harry potter tag list: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie

#theodore nott #theodore nott imagines #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott oneshot #theo nott #theo nott imagines #theo nott x reader #theo nott oneshot #harry potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter oneshot #harry potter theo #harry potter theo imagines #harry potter theo oneshot

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