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heyheyloki · 4 years

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You That I Want

Sugawara x M!Reader

Word Count: 10,000+

1. The Meeting

There was something about the school library that always grabbed your attention. It was quiet, peaceful. Those were factors, sure, but another plus was that people didn’t judge if one was alone or not in a place like that. It gave you comfort.

Being a first-year at Karasuno wasn’t something that got to you. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends or didn’t do good in school. In fact, you had quite a few friends, even some admirers, and you were a straight-A student. Nailing almost all your tests and quizzes that come around in any class. It was just that, at some points in your life, you needed to be alone. To not be bothered after getting hassled all day was something that gave you peace of mind to not explode on the spot, especially when it came to love-confessions.

There were very few people in the rather large area, but that just made it better for you. Most people after school tended to have clubs, hang with friends, or just go straight home. You tended to either sit in the middle of the place, if there were no more open seats, but if it was raining, like on a day like this, you’d tend to prefer the window seats. It was easy to calm down when you heard the patter of rain hitting the glass, and you quite enjoyed watching the droplets move down the window. It was captivating.

You let out a sigh as you released yourself from the spell that bound you to the glass. Standing up from your seat, you moved around the library, wondering what you should take up for the time being. You didn’t want something too long, but nothing too short either. Something entertaining, yet informative as well.

Before you knew it, you were searching around the sports section. You had some experience with sports, after all, you played football for a bit in middle school. It wasn’t something you enjoyed, hence why you don’t play anymore, but you were fond of sports itself. Your eyes lingered around at the spines of the books, your head leaning to the side a bit to read the text that was typed out on the hard cover.

It wasn’t until you saw a book a few feet up on the higher shelf that caught your attention. It was something about a famous baseball player, the book seemed small enough to read before you headed home, and you enjoyed the sport. So, you reached your hand up, brushing the bottom of it with the tips of your fingers. You bit your inner cheek, it was obvious how close you were, but just lacking at least an inch or two on your height to get it without issue.

Just as you were about to give up and search for some kind of stepping stool, an unfamiliar hand suddenly appeared in sight and grabbed the book you were aiming for without an issue. You paused for a moment, trying to understand what just happened. Though, your eyes were decided to the hand that appeared out of nowhere and followed it until it came back to its owners side.

You stared with beady, unblinking eyes at the guy in front of you. First off, he was taller than you by that missing inch or two. He had a slender build, slightly thick eyebrows that matched that light-grey hair that sat on his head. He held kind, hazel orbs and wore a gentle smile while he gazed at you.

“You looked like you were having some trouble,” he said in a sweet, honey soaked voice that snapped you back into reality. “Here.”

“Oh, thanks.” You hummed out as you took the book from the unknown boy. He did seem older than you, just by his demeanor, but then again, you didn’t want to make some kind of rude assumption.

“Hm?” The unknown male hummed, his head leaning a bit on a tilt as he analyzed you. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. Are you a first-year?”

“I am,” you said with a soft smile as you told the upperclassmen your name, bowing a bit out of respect.

He smiled and nodded. “My name’s Koshi Sugawara. I’m a third-year, so, if you need anything just let me know.”

“Sure, thank you again.” You said once more before watching the young man give you a gentle smile and wave you off as he left. You couldn’t help but feel like you heard his name before, but you thought it was just a mistake.

2. Gossip

It wasn’t everyday that you say’d in the classroom after school, but you thought a nap before heading home would be more appropriate here than anywhere else in the school. It was always loud in the gyms, and you felt rude taking a nap in the library. Though, with the classroom, most kids have left and the others that hang around try to get homework done quietly. Today, was a bit different however.

“Kageyama!” A voice yelled out. It was loud, higher pitched than most, but you knew who it was.

You turned your head, strands of your hand invading your handsome features and along your arms that crossed over on your desk for a make-shift pillow. Your gaze locked on the two boys by the window. They were both first-years like you, obviously, but even with that fact and that you several classes with them, you didn’t know much about them besides their names.

Shoyo Hinata, a short loud mouth who seemed to made up for his lack in height with his big mouth and Tobio Kageyama, he was quiet and reserved. He struck you as someone who was rather arrogant though. You didn’t mind them necessarily, but they didn’t seem like people you would surround yourself with.

“What?” Kageyama asked the short, orange haired male.

“Sugawara wants us to practice with Tanaka, you, and I tomorrow morning, isn’t that so cool of him?” Hinata said with a cherry smile.

While normally you wouldn’t bother with listening to the two, the name pulled your attention ever closer to them. It seemed like they were all on a sports team together, or at least a club. You weren’t so sure what they did, not like it mattered, but you guessed it had something that took quite some energy. After all, you knew Hinata as this guy with so much energy that he literally shakes in his seat. It was distracting, but after a bit you found it entertaining.

You wanted to listen in more, maybe even figure out what they all played. Though, before you could hear any more words that came out passed their lips your body flinched. The sudden touch of hands on your shoulders caused something of a quiet gasp to leave your throat.

You eyed down the familiar face behind you that just held a proud smile like he actually did something funny.

“Oh man, you should have seen your face!” You friend yelled out as he held onto his stomach, laughing.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?” You questioned as you stood up from your desk, eyes naturally drawing to you as you spoke. You knew where this was going, and honestly, you just wanted to go home.

“Relax, pretty boy,” your friend whined as he threw his arm over your shoulders. “Come watch the girl’s volleyball practice game with me!”

“Do I have too?” You asked with a deadpanned tone. You didn’t not like to watch your school’s team practice. It was just you didn’t have in interest in the girl’s volleyball team.

“Yes, you do!” He huffed out before dragging you out of the classroom. Though, before you left, you eyed down Hinata and Kageyama. Both of them looking at you with something foreign in their eyes. Something that both made you pissed off, and yet ashamed at the same time.

3. You Again

It was days like these, the rainy ones, that always caught your attention. Either that, or made you sleepy. Today, it was the latter.

You watched out the classroom window with droopy eye as your head was held up by the palm of your hand, elbow planted on your desk. Normally, your mind would be racing with what you should do after school, but on these days, your mind would be totally empty. In a way, it was peaceful. Though, on the opposite side of it, it also made you space. So much so that now, you sat in your desk, eyes still staring out the window with this distant look in your eyes while everyone else has either gone home or went to do their after school club activities.

You came out of it a few minutes later though, so it wasn’t a big deal. But, you definitely would have been in that state for way longer if you didn’t hear someone call out a name. It wasn’t yours per say, but you didn’t exactly know who was talking. Well, you did, but you couldn’t ID the voice until you saw his face.

That third-year from the other day. You remembered his name as Sugawara.

The way your eyes wouldn’t let go of him as he looked around your classroom like a parent looking for their child was something unexpected of you. It wasn’t everyday that someone could hold your attention for so long.

After a second or two of not seeing who he was looking for, he noticed you. In that moment, his eyes widened with familiarity. “Oh, it’s you!”

You leaned your head a bit as he started to approach you, a rain coat over his normal school cloths that made a small smile flicker onto your lips.

“Yeah, it’s me.” You stated with a mischievous glance as you stared at the third-year. Getting a better and longer look at him now, he really did have a pretty face. Hell, he might even rival you for pretty boy award. Though, for you, it was that mole under his right eye that did it for you.

“So you’re in class with Kageyama and Hinata?” He suddenly asked. It was odd to you how he knew those names, but then the other day completely hit you like a bullet. They were in the same after school club, of course he knew them.

“Yeah,” you simply put, remembering how he called out their names when he first walked in before you asked, “you looking for them or something?”

“Oh, yeah, I was gonna let them know that practice was canceled after school since they’re doing inspections on the gym.” Sugawara said with that same gentle smile he had on the first time you two met. “But I guess they’ll find out when they get there.”

You nodded before checking the time. It was one of those days. You seriously should quit, especially since you were a first-year, but it paid well and you liked your boss. Plus, it wasn’t like you had anything else to do. As you stood up and began to pack up your things you said, “I’m sure they’ll be bummed, but maybe they can practice at home if they can.”

“You heading home?” Sugawara asked curiously as he watched your hands carefully as you placed notebooks and pens back into your bag.

“No, I have work.” You confessed as you slung your school bag over your shoulder.

“Really? You are a first year, right?” Sugawara asked, it was obvious how much he didn’t believe you for a second.

“I am, but it’s not like I’m in a club or anything.” You explained. “Instead, I work. It’s about ten minutes or so from the school by foot. It’s that little convenience store.”

You watched as Sugawara’s disbelief twisted into surprise, his chestnut orbs shining with knowledge before asking with confidence, “Sakanoshita?”

You nodded. “That’s the one.”

“I’m actually heading there right now, why don’t we walk together?” He asked with a bright smile that paled in comparison with the moonlight from a full moon. It really did take you a minute to compose yourself before responding with a calm and collected, “Sure, sounds nice.”

4. New Beginnings

For some, people can be lonely without being alone. You just happened to be part of that ‘some’ category. You were never left alone at school unless you were on your morning walks or hide away in the library after school. Today was no different.

You tried your best, really, you did. You wanted to get before they got here. You needed to get out of that damn classroom everyone knew you were in before they got there. You even packed up your stuff a minute before the bell, but sadly, that still wasn’t enough. As you took your first step away from your desk, a higher pitcher voice called your name with nothing but pure excitement and infatuation.

You froze for a moment, pondering if you could just run and go home. Then again, if you did, it would be more of a pain in the ass than if you just got it over with now. So, you turned to see a group of three girls. The one in the front, waving at you, you knew since middle school. You didn’t have an issue with her but more so the two in the back who looked shyly away from your gaze with blush rising on their pale features.

The middle girl ran up to you, her pitch black hair swaying behind her with a happy smile present on her features. “Hey! The girls and I wanna know if you wanna go watch the boy’s volleyball practice? I heard they started to really rise back up in terms of rank since, like, forever!”

“Oh,” you muttered out in surprise. It wasn’t often something shocked you anymore when it came to school. But you did remember when the Karasuno was considered a powerhouse school, hell, they even went to Nationals one year. Still, you had to say, watching the boy’s volleyball practice was not what you were expecting. “Sure, I don’t mind, should be fun.”

“Great!” Your friend shouted in glee before walking side by side with you, chatting up about what kinda team you were going to see.

Though, for once, you didn’t notice a two pair of eyes that watched and listened to everything about the conversation you held mere moments ago. They both gazed at each other with unblinking eyes, complete shock filling up in their veins before both sprinted out of the classroom towards the gym.

Both of them ran into people as they sprinted down the hall, sometimes forgetting why they were even doing this as they got into a race with each other. The ‘who can warn the team first’ kinda thing. They get yelled at here and there by both teachers and students, but that wasn’t going to stop them. For once, they were going to have spectators at once of their practices. It was a huge deal.

When they reached the metal double doors of the gym, both grabbed one side and slid them open hastily. The rough and loud sound of the doors being pounded into the walls enough to make the guys who were already practicing completely stop and those who watched, like their couches and team manager, gaze over at the two first years.

Kageyama and Hinata both took in a huge whiff of air before shouting out, “Some people are coming to watch us play!”

Dead silent. It was like each of their minds were lagging as they tried to process the information. Though, that didn’t last very long before they all screamed out, “What?”

“Whoa, Hinata, Kageyama, what the hell are you guys even talking about?” A second year with a shaved head who everyone refers to as Tanaka asked as he approached the two.

“We heard a group talk about coming here to watch us practice today.” Kageyama explained as everyone else gathered around.

“Awesome! What kinda group?” Nishinoya, a second year as well as the teams libero asked with a ditzy smile. Praying that some girls were coming to watch.

“Three girls and a guy.” Hinata stated, watching as Tanaka and Noya started to freak out together about girls watching them.

“A guy, too?” Daichi, their team captain questioned.

“Mhm,” Kageyama hummed. “He’s really popular among the first years. I don’t really remember his name though.”

“I see,” Daichi muttered before saying proudly, “Well, don’t let their presence distract you! Just practice like always!”

“Right!” They all screamed in unison.

Only about five minutes later they all heard the door open. Some wanted to check out the chicks and figure out who this mystery dude was, but most were doing passes to each other. They had to focus on the ball. Still, that didn’t mean they couldn’t hear their voices.

“I’ve missed this, yanno, watching practice games.” Your friend said to the group before turning directly to you. “You should really join football, I’d love to go to your games again.”

“Nah, too much work. Plus, I’m pretty sure the deadlines were last week.” You said with a deep breath, your eyes grazing the large gymnasium and focusing on the players. You didn’t know a lot of them, but you did notice two students from your class.

“Oh, it’s those two.” You uttered out as you took a seat up in the stands. A girl on either side of you.

“Who?” Himari, your friend, asked.

“Kageyama and Hinata. They have a couple of classes with me.” You said plainly, your eyes dancing before landing on familiar grey hair that made something break along your skin. It was odd, the heat that surrounded you. But you just concluded that it was nerves since he was a third-year. “Huh, Sugawara is here too.”

“Oh, him? He’s been on the team since coming to this school. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.” A friend of Himaris’ stated.

For some reason, you couldn’t put your finger on it. You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t help but focus all your attention on Sugawara. You didn’t know the guy that well, but you felt like he was a kind persona, at least from the few encounters you had with him. Honestly, you didn’t push away the idea that if you two were at least in one class together, you could be friends. Sadly, you were a first-year and you don’t play volleyball. Sure, there was lunch, but you felt it would be a bit rude to come in-between him and his free-time. Plus, he probably likes to hang out with the friends he already has during lunch.

You would have liked to stay in your head a bit more, but sadly, that wasn’t going to happen. At least, not with Himari at your side.

The sudden touch wasn’t new, especially with her. You felt an elbow dip into your waist. It wasn’t painful, but just attentive. You let out a hum from your chest as you gazed up at some dark hues that gave you an ‘all-knowing’ and cocky look.

You gave her a deadpanned expression before grunting out, “What?”

“You’re staring.” She grinned. “One of the boys catch your eye?”

You could hear some saddened gasps from your other side, the girls Himari invited praying that they heard incorrectly.

“Yeah, right.” You dismissed, waving your hand before going back to doing exactly what she suspected.

It wasn’t until you turned back that you felt a cold chill run up your spine. It wasn’t pleasurable in the slightest, but instead it ran your blood completely cold. In that moment, both pairs of eyes locked onto one another, neither daring to stare away from the other. It was like one of those moments that made you feel like the other people alive. But at the same time, you felt your fingers twitch against your thighs your hands rested upon when Sugawara sent you a wide smile. A smile that was easily as bright as the blue sky.

You stood still until sending a softer one back and waving at the third-year down on the court.

“Oh!” Himari uttered out as she stared between you and Sugawara, wondering what just happened before her eyes.

Though, she wasn’t the only one. In reality, the team manager was wondering who you were until something devilish came to her. After all, she was in a need of another helper when it came to dealing with these guys and it seemed like you already had Sugawara’s attention. So, what could go wrong?

After the practice match the boys started to pack everything up and put the cart full of volleyballs back in the practice room where the boys also changed into their normal clothes. During this time, their team manger, Kiyoko, took her chance to grab you before you left and without watchful eyes.

“Excuse me!” She called out just as you were about to step out of the gym. When you turned to her, she noticed you were a bit on the taller side, close to a lot of the guys on the team.

“Yes?” You questioned, your school bag slung over your broad shoulder.

She wasn’t intimidated per-say, but rather desperate to find another team manager, especially before she graduates since she herself was a third-year. She didn’t want to leave her position not filled and leave the guys with her responsibilities after she leaves. And so, with a deep breath she asked straight-up, “Please, join the Karasuno Volleyball team as the new team manager.”

You blinked aimlessly at the girl, your hand gripping a bit harder on the bag over your shoulder. “Why? I mean, I don’t even play volleyball, let alone know anything about the game.”

“That’s okay.” She reassured. “I didn’t know much about it either when I first started out. You don’t really need to know everything about it to be the team manager. If you want, we can do a trail membership.”

“I’m not sure,” you said under your breath, any more words that you were originally going to say coming cut from the root as soon as Himari punched your upper arm.

It didn’t hurt, but it did grab your attention. When you looked down at her she said with a bright smile, “I think you should do it. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to make some friends.”

You stared at her. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any friends. Though, you did see her point. It would be nice to have some actual friends instead of being surrounded by people like the ones she invited today. After all, in reality, you really only had two close friends. Her, and another middle school friend who went to a different high school.

You sighed, the breath relaxing even the most anxious parts of you. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

It was easy how fast the girl’s face went from hopeful to excitement. That wide smile that appeared in mere seconds was enough to prove it. Even more so when she suddenly grabbed your free hand with both of hers in a handshake.

“Thank you so much! I’ll come by your classroom tomorrow to grab you before practice starts!” She explained before leaving you in somewhat of a daze. Honestly, you were kinda wondering what you even signed up for in the first place.

5. Exhaustion

“Hello?” A voice asked. It was soft, and gentle with words.

A small hum came from your chest as you squirmed in your desk for a moment before you lifted your head up from your arms that crossed over the other. You felt your eyes start to defocus before getting a clear picture of the figure in front of you.

It was that girl from yesterday.

“Oh, hey,” you muttered in a groggy voice as you rubbed the corners of your eyes. “Is it that time already?”

She stared at you for a moment with a soft smile forming on her lips before nodding her head.

You returned her action as you grabbed your things before grabbing your things. As she led you to the gym you were at yesterday, she introduced herself as did you. You learned her name as Kiyoko, already in the know about were she stood in terms of year level. The walk wasn’t that long before you reached the gym, everyone completely turning their attention to you both when you walked in.

“So you found a new person!” Hinata screamed, his voice echoing around the large area.

You stood next to Kiyoko unfazed by Hinata at this point in the school year. It was easy to say that class with him basically nullified his loud antics anywhere else. Even in a space that echos.

“What’s up?” Some of the guys asked as you watched a group of three jog up to the two of you, the sound of footsteps making it obvious. Though, when you turned your head, you noticed Sugawara, a soft grin making way on your features without your knowing.

“He’s going to be joining the club on a trail basis as the new manager.” Kiyoko stated, gazing over at you as you noticed most of the guys were starting to gather around.

You nodded. “I’m [Name], it’s nice to meet you all.”

For some reason unknown to you, whether it be god or fate, you felt your eyes immediately go to Sugawara and couldn’t help but wonder what his reaction may be. In truth, it worried you a bit if you were overstepping, but it wasn’t like this was planned. In fact, you were going to turn it dow after today, but being here now. Seeing that smile and hearing him say that it was awesome that you were joining on as team manager, it made you rethink your original choice. Now, you didn’t want to leave. Not at all.

You struck up a few more conversations with other members to learn their names and such, but after that was over, they went back to practice. You stood on the sidelines and watched over them with Kiyoko at your side as she explained the basics of what she does as manager. She even informed you of a trip that the team will be taking after the exams. It was a training camp sorta trip, so you knew that it was going to require you to leave home for a week or so. But, you weren’t complaining. Though, for the life of you, you couldn’t pick out the couch.

“Uh, sorry, but, who coaches the team?” You asked, watching as Kiyoko was about to explain before she looked behind you. Her eyes following something new.

“He’s behind you.” She stated.

You tilted your head curiously before turning on your heel to eye down this coach of theirs. You had all these expectations in your head. You thought he was probably some old guy with loads of couching experience on his shoulders. Maybe even someone who has been around for a while and has the complete trust of the third-year students. What you didn’t expect was to know the guy, much less have him be your damn boss.

“Shit,” you grumbled under your breath. “The hell are you doing here?”

“Huh?” Ukai hummed as he turned to you, a cocky smile moving on his lips that made an uncomfortable shiver run down your back. “Well, well, look who it is. What? Miss me so much that you actually joined the team I couch?”

“In your dream, old man.” You growled, trying to seem pissed as you desperately hid a smile. In truth, the dude was like this older brother you never got to have being an only child and all. “Kiyoko invited me on as team manager.”

“Really? And you’re doing it?” He asked in pure disbelief.

You felt your blood boil in a way no one could ever pull off. Seriously, sometimes this guy does piss you off. “What’s that? Don’t forget who’s been takin’ care of the store while your ass sits around and watches a bunch of sweaty guys hit goddamn balls.”

“Ouch, you kiss your mama with that mouth?” Ukai asked with a snarky grin.

“I’m going to completely destroy you, old man.” You snarled, your foot stepping down hard on the ground as you rolled up your sleeves. You quickly jumped the guy, his hands quickly holding your closed fists as you two struggled to overpower the other. “C’mon! You wanna talk like that then I’m gonna beat your ass!”

While that was happening, the boy’s volleyball team didn’t hesitate to stop and watch the battle going on between their couch and new team manager. At first it actually looked like you two were fighting, but if one was listening in from the beginning or just looked at Kiyoko laughing at the sight, everyone knew it was friendly.

“Didn’t know those two knew each other.” Tanaka said aloud as he stood around Noya and Sugawara.

“He works at Sakanoshita, I guess he fills in when couch is here with us after school.” Sugawara informed his teammate. Those closest to the group, Hinata and Kageyama, now joining in.

“Oh, yeah, I think you’re right!” Hinata stated. “I’m pretty sure I saw him working the register the other day.”

“Seriously? Now I kinda feel bad, I mean, with coach being here we’re kinda overworking the guy.” Noya expressed, everyone having that factor strike them like lightning.

“Maybe that’s why every time I see him he’s sleeping.” Kageyama said.

“Well, maybe now he’ll get to relax a bit since Kiyoko took him on on as the manager.” Sugawara expressed his hopes aloud. He couldn’t help but think back to the other day when he saw you barely even awake when he went to grab his teammates. First, he just thought you were exhausted that day. But now with Kageyama’s statement, for some reason, he felt a bit guilty.

After practice, you hung around for a bit until everyone was at least going home. You would feel wrong to head home if everyone else was still here. So, you hung out with Ukai inside the gym for a bit before going outside to check on the guys.

“You going to seriously do it?” Ukai asked, his voice with any teasing antics. He was serious as he could ever be.

“Maybe, honestly, it feels way too perfect. But then again, fate always did love me. I mean, I got a job at your stinky ass place.” You said with a snarky grin as you watch anger fill in Ukai’s face.

“Brat, and to think I gave you a raise.” He uttered out as he crossed his arms over his chest.

You let out a quick chuckle, your gaze moving down at your feet before you said calmly, “But, seriously, I do like it here.”

It was quiet for a moment before you felt a fit hit your upper arm. It wasn’t as weak as Himari’s punches, but not that hard either. In a way, it was enduring.

“Then join, you damned brat.” Ukai pushed, his voice confident to its very core.

In that moment all you could do was nod at the guy before waving him off and head outside. It was way after normal school hours, in fact, the sun wasn’t even anywhere near in sight. Complete darkness. The only light allowing you to see was coming from within the gym and the moonlight that skinned your skin gently.

Looking up, you noticed how much brighter the stars looked on this night. They were so bright that you could even make out a few tricky constellations without any issue. It was truly a blessing to see a night like this, and honestly, you thought for a split second that it could be a sign. After all, not a lot of opportunities like these come up. Who knows, maybe you could even get lucky and while traveling to Tokyo, or even at this very school, be able to meet someone who liked you and you were able to like them back.

In truth, it wasn’t a good feeling turning down girls. You hated it. Every time you got a love letter in your locker or someone asks you to meet them somewhere after class, you get sick to your stomach. It was almost like you were gonna pass out. The worst of it is if they cry though, that really twists your stomach. Most people here in this school, at least among the first years, call you a heartbreaker. But, it’s not that. It’s just, you can’t date someone who you know you’re never gonna like back. After all, they’re all girls.

You sighed, your head moving back down as you tried to control your upset stomach at just thing about that kinda stuff. Just as you were about to step forward and go check on the guys, a voice caught your attention.

“Hey, new guy!” It yelled.

“Huh?” You uttered as you turned your head to the guys you knew as Tanaka and Noya. Both changed out of the clothes they had before.

“You better join Karasuno’s Volleyball club.” Noya stated without a hinge in his cocky and weridly happy expression.

“When you’re around Kiyoko talks a lot, but don’t think you can make a pass on her! Got it?” Tanaka suddenly added on.

While you were distracted on them two, you didn’t even notice two more guys appear until their captain, Daichi, hit them both on the head and yelled out, “That’s not how you recruit him, you idiots!”

“I’m so sorry, they can’t help how stupid they are.” Sugawara suddenly stated, his head bowing a bit as en extra apology.

“It’s fine,” you stated clearly. “And honestly, I kinda already knew I was going to be joining when I first walked in today.”

In truth, it was because of what Sugawara said when he found out. But you seriously did not need to embarrass yourself or potentially weird these guys out when you just started to get to know them.

“Really? I look forward to having you around.” Sugawara said clearly while the others just cheered in their own little world.

You couldn’t help but smile. Sure, you haven’t known the guy long, but he’s way too sweet for his own good, as well as your own. Still, as sweet as he is, you did not expect him to suddenly ask, “Are you heading home now? I could walk you, if you’d like.”

It was then that the cheering stopped and everyone, including the others who came back from changing themselves, went completely silent and watched both Sugawara and yourself. It was odd how much your body suddenly went hot even though the air was cool. It was odd at how much your body stiffened. Then again, no one has asked to walk you home in a really, really, long time. It was endearing, sweet, and completely shot straight through your heart, planting a seed that soon was going to grow into something beautiful over time.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

6. Good Feeling

For the next three weeks you have been staying after school everyday to manage the volleyball team at your school. In that time you’ve learned plenty of skills from Kiyoko on what she does for the team, and even made some friends. You knew you were friends with all of the team but you got close to Tsukishima, Kageyama, Asahi, and Tanaka. Though, the one who you got especially close to was Sugawara. You would help him practice anytime you could and after practice it became a habit to walk with each other home.

You got to know him through those private walks the most. You learned his fears when Kageyama joined, since both of play the setter position and how he didn’t want to regret anything after he graduates. You understood him completely. You may not be a third-year, but if you were one, you definitely would share Sugawara’s goals. After all, your last year in high school is special.

Today was the day before the trip to Tokyo, a trip that all the players were looking forward to. It was only a practice match, sure, but there was going to be a few teams from all over Japan joining in on this great opportunity. Including Nekoma High.

As volleyballs few about the gym, everyone couldn’t help but notice a missing person. Not from the team itself, but one that usually sits on the sidelines, someone who watches over them and keeps their heads in the game.

“Hey, he’s not here today.” Hinata said to Kageyama, their vice captain, Sugawara, couldn’t help but to overhear.

“Yeah, he left class in a rush after the bell.” Kageyama explained to the short stack of the team.

“Oh, I hope he’s alright!”

“I’m sure he’s fine. C’mon, let’s do a few more sets.”

Suga could feel his lips twitch downwards for a split second, his eyes dulling as when he overheard. He really did hope you were alright and nothing was wrong whether is was home issues or personal stuff. He just hoped you knew that you could talk to him if you needed.

From the sidelines, Ukai studied Suga carefully. He’d never seen the third-year so much in his head, honestly, it was both worrying and interesting to watch. Though, if he had to be honest, Ukai was just glad someone truly cared for you the way Suga does. It was obvious to him, maybe not to Suga yet, but he knew over time that it would. And hopefully, you felt the same way.

“Sugawara.” Ukai called out.

The grey haired teen whipped his head from the ground before jogging up to his couch. “Yes?”

“Try not to worry too much about [Name].” Ukai smiled, watching as the most subtle amount of blush edged on the tips of Suga’s cheeks. “I asked him to work at the shop today. After practice, why not pay him a visit? I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

Sugawara blinked aimlessly, focusing way too hard on how his heart skipped a single beat. It was a weird feeling, but at the same time, he enjoyed it way too much in the moment.

Before he knew it he let a wide smile sneak up on him, happiness radiating out of every inch of his body before saying, “Sure!”

After practice, Sugawara was the first to rush outta there. It was odd to the guys until Kiyoko explained why he was in such a rush. Luckily for Suga, he didn’t hear all the friendly teasing the guys did while they all changed and cleaned up.

The third-year student ran downhill, a gentle smile on his lips as the cool, nighttime breeze hit his skin. It was exhilarating, to say the least. It was weird to Suga, he means, he has been seeing you every day after school and sometimes even in the mornings before. He’s spent as much time as he could with you and yet, now, it was like he was seeing you for the first time in weeks. It felt like that, and hell, it felt good.

When he came to the doors, he stopped. Taking a deep breath and fixing his hair involuntarily, he gripped the bag in his hand before walking in. You didn’t notice him at first, probably thinking he was just another run of the mill customer that would just grab their things and call on you when needed. Though, that wasn’t the case this time and for once without you noticing his stares, he took in as much as he could get. It was like this desire that started to grow the more he stared, trying his best to capture this moment forever in his mind.

You were sitting behind the desk with his look on your face as you dug your head into a book. You were trying to concentrate, Suga knew that, but the sleepiness that started to invade your body was bringing you to your breaking point. Your hair was a straight up mess, kinda like you just took a nap and didn’t bother to fix the obvious bedhead. Though, Suga couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. For some reason, you looked way cuter now than ever before. The realization making something close to fireworks explode within his heart. In truth, that good feeling he had whenever you were around was nothing more than emotions directed towards someone who he liked romantically.

“Hm?” A hum questioned, the voice breaking Suga from his inner thoughts. He watched when he gazed up at him, your plain features turning into pure happiness at the mere sight of him.

“Oh, Sugawara! Well, isn’t this a surprise.” You teased, your elbow coming up on the counter as you rested your head in the palm of your hand. A grin present on your face that didn’t look like it was going away anytime soon.

“Hey, I didn’t see you at practice today.” Suga said as he walked up to the counter. “Couch told me that I could find you here though.”

“Oh, okay, well my shift is almost done so why don’t you keep me entertained for the time being.” You cooed out as your grin started to transform into a sly smirk.

Suga smiled, a chuckle leaving his chest. “I think I will.”

You nodded in glee until you noticed an unfamiliar bag he was holding. Inside looked to be a piece of clothing. You pointed down to it and asked, “Whatcha got there?”

“Huh?” Suga questioned before gazing down himself. His body flinching when realization hit him like a truck and place the bag on the counter before saying, “Kiyoko wanted me to deliver this to you.”

“To me?” You questioned before curiosity got the best of you. In a swift movement you grabbed the item from within the bag, your orbs blinking aimlessly as you held the track jacket up in the air. It was all black with the exception of white text on the back that read, ‘Karasuno Volleyball Team’.

“Oh, wow,” you muttered under your breath as you admired the simple yet meaningful item.

“Try it on,” Suga encouraged.

You were quick to comply with his request. It was an easy, simple fit that hugged your body well. It wasn’t too big nor was it squeezing your body. It was just perfect, and you weren’t the only one who thought that.

Sugawara’s lips parted, admiring you with that cheesy grin that took his heart for a roller coaster ride. In that moment he couldn’t stop his thoughts from escaping his lips, and before he knew it he said, “You look really good in it.”

When that last letter left past his soft lips, he froze. His heart racing at a million miles an hour, wondering if it came out in a creepy way, hoping you didn’t pick up on the affection that laced his voice. But more than anything, he hoped, prayed even, that you weren’t going to flat out reject him right here and now. Seriously, that was his worst nightmare

“Oh,” you uttered out. Your tone nothing but pure shock. You remained still for a moment before grabbing the end of your new jacket, your head moving done with a bashful expression that made Suga believe he was seeing things. “Thank you.”

Suga stood still, blinking aimlessly as he tried to process the picture in front of him. In truth, he thought he was only seeing what he wanted to see. Only hearing what he wanted to hear. But when he figured out that this was reality, that that was your actual reaction to his words, he was more than over the moon and the good feeling within him whenever he saw you became stronger than ever within that moment.

7. Moment of Truth

It was the day of the volleyball trip to Saitama were a bunch of teams were going to go head to head in some practice matches to improve themselves further. Sadly for you, you had no idea that everyone was leaving in the middle of the night. Seriously, it sucked.

“This blows,” he yawned out, your body weak as you stood next to Suga.

“Did you get any sleep?” He asked in a worried tone, his gaze trying to understand why you keep doing this to yourself.

“Not really. Maybe, an hour or two?” You questioned, your body starting to give out on you. Without hesitation you leaned next to Suga, your body pressing against his. You felt his body stiffen at your sudden touch, especially when you nuzzled your head into his shoulder.

“Sorry, just give me a minute.” You muttered out in a sleepy tone that caused the grey haired male to hear his heart beat in his own ears.

“O-Oh, it’s, um, it’s fine.” He stumbled to say, his free hand coming up to cup the back of his neck.

He thought that he would be able to get away with this stunt, even with all his friends around, but he was sorely mistaken. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide it per say, but rather not bring his own embarrassment to the next level. A level that might catch your attention.

“Aw, look at you two love-birds.” Tsukishima snickered. “You could have least waited to get on the bus.”

Suga’s blood ran cold, his skin sizzling as if just dipped in boiling water. His chest grew heavy as if someone suddenly placed all of their weight on him without restraint. It wasn’t as if they knew his feelings, but it felt as if he had just exposed himself to not only them, but to the world.

“Stop it, Tsukishima.” Tanaka said, and for a minute, Suga thought he was safe until the buzzcut fool blurted out, “Don’t be jealous that Suga got him and not you.”

“Yeah, right.” Tsukishima groaned in pure annoyance before getting on the bus. A few people falling in after him.

“Uh,” Suga uttered out as he stood still, wondering what he should do about the one on him that out small snores. Though, his problem was solved when Kageyama suddenly came around and shook your free shoulder lightly.

“[Name], c’mon, we’re getting on the bus.” The first-year setter stated as he noticed you stir into Suga before your eyes began to flutter open.

“Hm? Oh, sorry.” You mumbled before letting out a loud yawn before following Kageyama side by side into the bus, leaving Suga completely alone in the cold night.

He stood still, wondering what even just happened and hoping that the night breeze would cool down the side you leaned into that still burned to the touch. What was worse was that whenever the wind did come around, your scent hit his sense of smell like a truck, making it impossible to move. That was until he felt a hand grip onto his shoulder in a friendly manner.

When Suga turned, he saw Daichi with a gentle smile on his face.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” He suddenly asked.

Suga blinked aimlessly for a second, pondering if he should deny such a thing. But, he couldn’t lie to Daichi, not in a million years.

Suga sighed. “I don’t even know if he likes me back.”

“Well, this trip might give you the opportunity to tell him. I mean, best to have no regrets, right?” Daichi asked, knowing he hit a nerve within Suga.

He stared at Daichi, his brain running back to his oath he made in the beginning of this year. It was silly of him to even forget it. “Right.”

During the first couple of days of practice you absorbed as much information about the game from both Karasuno and other teams. You took a fondess of Nekoma, they had this thing about them that you couldn’t quite pin. They weren’t that strong when it came to defense or attack power, but you felt like they were reading your every move. At first, you felt a bit bad since they were the enemy, but when you saw Hinata chatting up with the setter and Daichi talking with their captain, you ruled they were sorta friendly when neither are on the court against each other.

“Are we friends with Nekoma?” You asked Kiyoko who stood next to you on the sidelines as Karasuno played a school you didn’t pay much attention to.

“We lost to them in a practice match a while back. If anything we’re more like friendly rivals.” Kiyoko explained.

“Gotcha,” you uttered as you watched the game. Everything about volleyball never really excited you, but when it came to these guys, they made it almost way more interesting than it should be. Though, your eyes couldn’t help but wonder over to the people who weren’t playing at the moment, but you mostly focused on Suga over the others. You knew that Ukai put in Kageyama as setter more than him, but you did hope that you would have the chance to see him play. If not, than at least cheer him up.

“Hey, Kiyoko.” You called out, the girl quickly turning to you with a questionable look.

“You’ve known Sugawara the longest, so, uh,” you mumbled. Honestly, this had gone a lot smoother in your head. You gazed down unwillingly, your sight focusing on your feet. “Do you know if, um, if he maybe as anything he enjoys? Like how Tsukki enjoys music. Something that makes him happy?”

Your sight flickered all over the place, your face felling way hotter than before. When you met Kiyoko’s gaze once more, she had this encouraging smile that made your heart come to a complete stop. Only starting back up again when she said, “Well, I’m sure anything from you will do the trick.”

“From me?” You questioned. The simple sentence making immense happiness surge through your veins that you couldn’t contain a cheesy smile that crinkled the edges of your eyes. “Okay, thanks.”

From then on, you asked most of the third years what they thought would be an appropriate gift for Sugawara, some even saying to just call him ‘Suga’ instead of his full last name. You took that into account, but you also took the idea of Super Spicy Mapo Tofu from Asahi. And while you did pick his suggestion, you tried your best to combine everything together to make him as happy as you could.

“Ukai,” you called out. When you jogged up to him you felt multiple eyes on you, both from the court and those not playing.

“What’s up, kiddo?” He questioned.

“Would it be okay if I was excused for the rest of the day?” You asked, the question itself only sparking sadness and curiosity in those that you didn’t talk to before.

“Sure, just know that I’ll make you work overtime in the shop when we go home.” Ukai stated. He knew he couldn’t just let you off the hook without some kind of punishment, so he did the least problematic one he could think of.

“Thank you,” you said with a quick bow before leaving the occupied gym and heading straight for the cafeteria.

It took you a bit to get everything ready, seriously, you swore if you didn’t really care about this one guy than you wouldn’t even do something like this in the first place. You knew it would make him feel better, but at the same time it was way too embarrassing. It was like you were completely opening your heart, exposing yourself to him even though you had no idea his feeling. You knew he thought of you as a friend, but you seriously were clueless on everything else except your own feelings. Those were painfully obvious to you.

When everything was complete, you took upon yourself to ask Daichi and Asahi for help since they were the only other third-years on the team. Plus, Daichi was the captain so he had control over everyone’s actions. You put it in terms that weren’t too embarrassing for you, just basically telling them that you set something up for Suga to cheer him up. Politely, you asked if Daichi would only dismiss him from practice and make sure he comes to the boy’s room, the area were the Karasuno guy’s sleep.

They thought it was really thoughtful of you to do something like that for him and agreed to be a part of your plan. After that, you just played the waiting game, hoping that the food didn’t get cold before he showed up. Lucky for you, Suga respects Daichi more than a friend, but as a captain and listened to his every word. It was around five minutes after you came back that he showed up.

You were playing with your hands before you heard the door open. You noticed right away how upset he looked to be kicked out, hoping that he would forgive you after he learned this was all your doing.

After a few more sets, he looked up. The sadness quickly washing away and replayed with pure shock. “Oh, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Hm,” you hummed. Your body soon rotating in front of Suga as he sat down across from you.

“I know you left, but I didn’t think you’d be here.” He expressed, his body leaning forward as he talked.

“I wasn’t here for all that time.” You confessed, your hands quickly finding the edge of your shirt. “You see, I kinda noticed you were upset from not being able to play with everyone else so I, um,” you trailed off.

You gulped hard, the sound ringing in your ears for a few seconds before pulling out a bowl full of Super Spicy Mapo Tofu. Your eyes flickered between the bowl of food and the awe-struck expression on Suga’s face.

“I thought I’d make this to cheer you up, a couple of the guys helped me out though.” You mumbled out, your hands starting to grip onto your shirt.

“Oh, wow, this is, um, really nice of you.” You heard him say. Normally, anyone would think he was just trying to be nice to spare your feelings, but the heavy set blush upon his cheeks that trailed over to the tips of your ears say otherwise.

“It’s no problem.” You trailed off in a shaky voice, watching from the corners of your eyes Suga’s face light up when he took the first bite. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride overwhelm you, sure you had cooking skills from being an only child, but this was the first time making that dish, so you were just glad you didn’t completely bomb it.

You two sat in silent for a few minutes, but truthfully, it felt like hours. You would try to sneak a few glances here and there just to get a look at his face. You found it absolutely adorable the way it was scrunch up when he got a good bite of your cooking. Overall, you just wanted to save the view but not be creepy as well. But, after a while, he stopped eating. The bowl that was almost overflowing now empty like a dried river.

“That was great, thank you!” Suga sung happily, that gentle yet pure smile back on his features. It reminded you of when you two first met, but now just wider and more full of pure joy.

“Hey, Suga,” you called out, your body leaning in. The sudden action, plus shortening of his name caused his body to stiffen.

“Y-Yeah?” He stuttered, his eyes never once moving away from yours, even though he desperately wanted too.

You were ready. You had it all planned out. Just do it like you practiced.

While those this did rush throughout your head all you could manage to get out was, “Want me to take that?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.” Suga replied, his hand picking up the bowl and handed it to you.

A heavy sigh past your lips when you set the empty bowl over by the door, you would take it down to the cafeteria later. For some reason, this was harder than you remember. Maybe it was cause the last time the person asked you out instead of the other way around. They just made it seem so effortless that you thought for a second that you could do it too. Turns out, you can’t.

When you came back, you stood a seat next to Suga this time. Both of you now sitting on the sheets he falls asleep on during nightfall. In truth, you had no words. The silence was filled to the brink with this tension that made your head lower, your hands playing with each other. It was like both of you hoped something would happen, but not doing anything to make that come true.

Though, in Suga’s case, his mind replied what Daichi had told him a few days ago. No regrets. Two simple words repeating over and over again. It was true, he didn’t want to have those. Yet, at the same time, he was nervous as all hell to even touch you, let alone start anything. Still, he knew he had to. He had to at least give it a shot, and if he failed, if you didn’t like him the way he did you, he would at least be content with the fact that he never has to wonder what could have been. Even so, his nerves were still all over the place, even if he did make up his mind.

“Hey,” he called out, his body leaning in a bit faster than usual, and when you turned to face him, both of you ended up butting heads.

Both of you quickly moved your hands up to the sore spot, grunts of pain echoing around the only souls in the room. Suga was the first to recover, guilt swelling up when he noticed you in pain.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, are you okay?” He called out in a panicked voice as he unconsciously placed his hands upon your shoulder. Although, in the mists of his panic, he didn’t realize just how much focus he pushed onto you.

Your eyes shot open when you felt your body start to move backwards, a small yelp coming from your throat as your squeezed your eyes shut and waited for the hard floor to collide into you. You groaned once it did, the pain now coming from the back of your head and front. You knew this was gonna probably give you a headache later. The pain pounded against your skull, but when you fluttered your eyes open it was like all of that pain was the farthest thing from your mind.

Your breath immediately caught in your lungs, fearful that you’d noticeably start to breath heavier than normal. Before your eyes was a clear few of Suga, his body on top of yours. His eyes were wide, shaky as if trying his hardest not to let his sight wonder. His hands were firmly placed on either side of your head, one of his knees between your legs.

Both of you remained silent, processing what just happened the best you could. It was then, when you tangled together the events that lead up to this that you subconsciously slide your leg up, bending your knee. Your leg brushing up against Suga’s outter waist and thigh in a way that made him avert his gaze from you for a moment as he recomposed himself.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry.” Suga apologized, his voice barely a whisper.

You remained silent, your lips slowly parting.

Suga’s eyes disobeyed his will, his sight falling on your lips that look so soft to him. “I should probably get up now.”

Quiet. You remained utterly speechless. You wanted to speak, you wanted to say a lot of things. However, it was like your words were stopped in your throat before they could even pass your lips, much less move into Suga’s ears.

After a moment or two of being in the same position, unmoving, Suga started to believe he was making you uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted to do. Screw his ‘no regrets’ phrase, it was one thing when it came to volleyball. Though, it was a completely other thing when it was you. Never in a million years would he ever want to cause you discomfort, even at the cost of his own feelings, he would stop his pining over you if you didn’t feel the same.

You were in your own mind for long that didn’t notice the look on uncertainty flicker in Suga’s eyes. By the time you came to it, he was slowly starting to get up, careful not to hurt you anymore than he had already. You didn’t know what happened, or what kinda demon took over but when you saw him backing away, you panicked.

Swiftly, you moved your hand up and tugged hard onto his shirt. You heard a soft gasp from him, sure, but when you felt his lips touch your own, everything went deadly quiet. Both of you remained still, processing what was going on, wondering what the next move should be.

Slowly, you released your grip from his clothes and moved that hand up to the back of his head, your fingers slowly intertwining with his soft locks. It was then that you felt Suga lead, his lips moving slowly against yours. It was gentle, soothing, and full of so much pent up desire that it almost made you escalate things.

His lips tingled a bit, almost like a spice. Luckily, you didn’t mind it and actually thought it felt somewhat good. You moved yours in sync with his as he started to grow more confident, you in turn starting to tug on the back of his hair. It earned you a few grunts that made butterflies start to invade your stomach and only made your over-worked heart beat even faster. You knew that the mischievous side of Suga was slowly working its way out, especially after the little stunt you pulled.

You didn’t care what he did, all you did care about was having him closer. As you had his hair in your hand, you started to but some pressure down on his head, signaling him to come closer, that it was okay. It didn’t take him long to understand what you were trying to tell him and quickly comply with your request. He carefully moved closer, both of your chests colliding as both of your hearts started to beat as one and ultimately deepen the kiss.

You started to get close to your limit when it came to oxygen, and while you didn’t want to end it, your need to breath was more important to you. However, you didn’t need to. Just when you were going to gentle push him away, Suga moved away from you, his cheeks on fire as his eyes glossed over with something that made you way more embarrassed than you already were.

A soft grunt left your chest before you moved your graze to the side, your entire face gradually feeling more heated by the second.

“Hey,” he called out softly. He didn’t have to explain what he wanted from you, you could hear it all in that simple, everyday word.

Reluctantly, you met his gaze once more. This time, he was smiling. It was one of those smiles that showed so much admiration without the need for words or any other kind of action.

“I really like you.” He simply said. No hesitation. Not even a single fluctuation in his tone of voice.

This alone made you smile like a kid in a candy store. For once in your life, you had gotten what you really wanted. It made you the happiest guy alive.

“I really like you too, Suga.”

#haikyuu sugawara #sugawara fluff #sugawara x male reader #sugawara x reader #haikyuu hcs #sugawara headcanon #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x male reader #haikyu x male reader #haikyu x reader #male reader #x male reader #x reader

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snippy-tano · 4 years

Note

If you are taking requests, could I get "Is everything okay?" With Rex. I've been having a rough time lately and your writing always makes me feel better when I read it

Anon, I’m sorry that you’ve been going through a tough time lately. I’ve been there myself a few times and it’s hard to dig yourself out of those kind of rough patches. I hope that this one-shot helps makes things a little bit easier for you. I always find myself writing from my own personal experiences (with this kind of feeling) and this blurb is no different. Feeling lost and like everything is crashing down around you is unbelievably difficult to push through. But you can do it. This rough spell won’t last forever and I know you’ll come out of it brighter than before. I hope this helps. <3

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Worn Couches

You were simultaneously exhausted, frustrated, and near your breaking point.

Things had only continued to pile up and it was very quickly becoming too much. General Skywalker had been in a strange mood lately (if you had to guess it was because he’d spent so much time away from Senator Amidala, but you weren’t one to gossip) and it seemed as though nothing you did was good enough, for him or for anyone else. Your SO had continued to pile work on top of your already overflowing pile and no matter how much work you were able to accomplish in a day, your pile would have doubled by the next day.

It’s because of this that you weren’t sleeping.

No matter how fatigued you became, no matter how much your eyes burned, no matter how much you wished you could just sleep to forget about the war, sleep continued to elude you. Most nights you’d lay in your bunk, staring at the durasteel ceiling unable to calm your brain down long enough to drift off.

It had been a few days since you’d gotten some real sleep.

And with the pile of reports on your desk, it didn’t seem like you’d be getting any sleep any time soon.

You’d given up on sleep, convinced it would never come. Part of you was okay with this. Your lack of sleep was a small price to pay if it meant you got more transmissions translated and into Republic knowledge. The more you translated the more up to date knowledge the men fighting had. You’d stay up for the rest of your life if it meant more of them had a shot at making it to the end of the war.

So you kept going, pushing yourself to your limit and beyond.

It was bound to catch up to you eventually. You only hoped no one would be around to see it.

As it turns out, you wouldn’t be so lucky.

The chronometer on the wall told you it was well into the middle of the night. Normally, you could hear the voices of troopers as they passed by your small office. But it was the night shift, so the number of people passing by decreased tenfold. It made it harder to concentrate. Or it could be because you couldn’t remember the last time you’d eaten. Honestly it could be anything at this point and you were too tired to figure it out.

The soft buzz of your door comm pulled your bleary eyes away from your datapad. You blinked twice, trying to get rid of the blurriness fuzzing the edge of your vision.

“Come in.” You called, voice cracking slightly.

The door whooshed open and you squinted at the bright light streaming inside. Captain Rex stepped inside, the door to your small office sliding shut behind him.

“Officer (Y/N).” He said, walking towards your cluttered desk.

“Captain. How can I help you?” You asked, motioning for him to take a seat in one of the small chairs you’d managed to procure for your office when you’d been moved here.

You used to just translate reports, but after a bad mission, you’d been tasked with helping pick up the slack and you now translated transmissions and imputed reports to the GAR database. It was easily work designed for more than one person, but everyone was making sacrifices. You’d do all you could for the GAR, even if it was starting to take a toll.

“I have a few of my reports I was told to bring to you. I’m sorry it’s so late, but I just wrapped them up.” He said and you couldn’t stop the quick exhale that escaped your lips.

More work. Just what you needed.

“Thank you Captain, I’ll get to it once I finish this.” You said, taking the flimsi from Rex and placing it on top of your impressive pile perched precariously on the edge of your desk.

You turned back to your datapad, expecting Rex to get up and leave like he normally did when it was this late. The two of you were friendly. He was kind to you and often hung around your office after dropping off reports. You’d both fallen into an easy friendship that was casual. You wouldn’t mind getting to know him better, but considering his position and how busy you were, there just wasn’t time.

Except he didn’t budge from his chair.

You looked back up at him to see him watching you with narrowed eyes. Your own eyes were burning from lack of sleep and your head was throbbing from staring at a datapad for hours on end, but you pushed it all down. You’d deal with it later. Preferably when the war was over.

“Can I help you?” You asked, clearing your throat and hiding your wince at how dry it was. You really should get some water.

“Is everything okay?” Rex inquired and you swear the ship dropped out of hyperspace with the way your stomach lurched at the question.

There was something about hearing the question when you were barely holding it together that caused everything to rush to the surface. Your jaw clenched and you could feel the corners of your eyes start to prickle with unshed tears.

“I’m fine.” You choked out, forcing your gaze back down to your datapad. The words swam in front of you and you bit down hard on your lip as you fought the growing knot in your chest.

You were so focused on not losing it in front of Rex that you didn’t even notice he’d gotten up and come around to your side of the desk. You felt his hand on your shoulder and turned to see him crouching beside your chair with a soft look on his face.

“What’s going on?” It was at that question that you felt every bit of your resolve crumble in a half a second. Everything you’d been pushing down and repressing for weeks burst to the surface.

It felt like you couldn’t breathe.

In the next second, Rex had your hand pressed against his chest, instructing you to listen to his heartbeat and match his breathing. You struggled to do as he’d asked, your mind racing as your body fell to pieces. Through the fog settling deep inside you, you barely registered how it was strange that Rex was without his armor. You were pretty sure you’d never seen him without his armor.

After what felt like hours, you could feel your chest stop hitching with every inhale. Rex was still talking to you and you were finally able to decipher what he was saying.

“-it’s okay, Just keep breathing. You’re alright. I’ve got you.”

You should be embarrassed.

It wasn’t Rex’s job to comfort you simply because you couldn’t handle your own job. Now that the panic had loosened its grip on your heart, all you felt now was guilt.

“I’m sorry.” You croaked out, pulling your hand away from where Rex had it pressed to his chest. You grabbed your datapad and stood up. “I shouldn’t have let it get this badly and I shouldn’t have let it come out while I was still on duty.”

You had taken a step to head for your door, but Rex’s firm grip on your upper arm stopped you in your tracks. You could feel another knot tightening in your chest as your breath caught in your throat.

“Permission to speak freely.” He asked, his voice low.

He didn’t need your permission. You weren’t his superior, in fact, you should be the one asking for his permission to speak freely. You didn’t really want to hear whatever he had to say because you weren’t sure you could handle it, but you’d nodded before you could stop yourself.

“We haven’t really spoken on anything other than surface level information so forgive me if I’m overstepping. But you don’t have to keep all of this inside until it explodes. We’re friends and I’d like to think if I ever needed it, I could come to you.” Rex said and you felt your eyes close as emotion surged inside of you. “You never have to apologize to me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

You took a shaky breath, feeling your eyes start to burn with unshed tears again. Without so much as another word, Rex tugged on your arm, pulling you to your immensely old and small couch you’d shoved in the corner of your office for when you were too tired to trek back to your quarters.

You practically collapsed onto the couch, your body sinking into the worn fabric. Rex settled in beside you moments later, the two of you practically taking up the entire thing.

The couch itself brought warm memories. You’d found it not long after you’d gotten the office when you were on leave on Coruscant. You’d had a little too much to drink at 79’s with some of the 501st boys and stumbled across it in an alley on your back to the barracks. With the help of Fives and Echo, you’d managed to lug it back to the ship and into your office. Once it was settled into your already cramped office, all three of you had fallen down into the worn fabric and fallen asleep.

Ever since then, that couch became a haven for others who needed a place to sleep that wasn’t the barracks. Fives and Echo had been constants over the last few months, the war weighing heavily on them. You had also spent most of your nights crashed on the ugly orange couch instead of in your own bunk.

It was old, smelled a little strange, and creaked loudly with every movement, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And when Rex wrapped his arm around you, tugging you into his side, you found yourself loving the couch even more. He ran a hand up and down your arm as he talked about anything and everything, asking you questions about your life and keeping your mind away from the stress of your job.

He made it easy to forget.

The longer the two of you talked, the more heavy your eyelids became. The sound of Rex’s chest rumbling under your head as he talked and the incredibly steady beating of his heart was enough to pull you down into the sleep you’d been avoiding for so long.

You drifted off feeling safer and more content than you had in weeks.

And that following morning, you woke up to find Rex had stayed, his arm curled around you and his head resting against yours.

You still had a lot of things to work out and your pile of work hadn’t gotten any smaller, but things didn’t seem as crushing anymore. Seeing Rex smile at you the moment he woke up that following morning was enough.

When he finally left your office, heading to his own quarters to get ready for his own day, you found something had shifted between the two of you. He didn’t seem afraid to place a casual hand on your arm or shoulder or crack a lame joke. His eyes seemed brighter than you’d noticed before and the intensity of that look was always directed right at you. It never failed to have your insides swirling. Rex knew a side of you that no one had ever seen before and although you should be horrified, you only felt content, happy.

You didn’t know what this shift was or what it meant for your “relationship”, but you couldn’t wait to find out.

#ask #askBri #rex x reader #captain rex x reader #captain rex #rex/reader #captain rex/reader #clone x reader #reader insert #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #tcw #sw:tcw

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fuckthefireflys · 3 years

Text

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓

SUMMARY: there’s a knock at the door, you think it’s your boyfriend back from panama, but to your suprise you see your father, and he doesn’t have good news

SONG RECOMMENDATION: all i want by kodaline

CHARACTERS: mainly reader x father!sully, mentions of sam, nate and rafe.

WORD COUNT: 1370 words

WARNINGS: swearing, death, emotional, spoilers for uncharted 4.

A/N: please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes, i am dyslexic as fuck lol. also the italic paragraphs are the letter

﹋﹋﹋﹋

You stared down at your phone, debating on whether or not to call your boyfriend for a seventh time in the past fifty minutes. He was in Panama, with his brother and Rafe, trying to find get into an old jail tower that once held Henry Avery, hoping to find something that would help navigate Averys treasure. You were in on the plan too, but seeing as it was a highly dangerous all male prison, the boys decided it was best you stay home.

Thoughts started spilling into your brain, the bad outweighing the good. You ran your hands through your hair, your leg bouncing up and down as you sat on the couch. The apartment grew darker as the sun went down, the main source of light being from your phone, which was now calling once more, only to hear Sam’s voicemail.

17 missed calls and 21 unread text messages.

You stood up, pacing around the coffee table, hugging Sam’s shirt close to your body and glancing out the window, seeing darkness filling the sky. All you wanted was to have him home.

A knock at the door startled you and dragged you out of your thoughts. You let out a sigh of relief, heading towards the door ready to either hug Sam or shout at him for worrying you so much. You took a deep breathe before opening the door, a small smile creeping on your face, ready to see your boyfriend.

However, your smile dropped when you saw your father there instead. It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him, you were always happy to see him, but right now you just wanted Sam.

“Hey, kid.”

He stood there, a sad smile on his face, which he tried to hide, but failed miserably to do. He tried to avoid eye contact with you, either looking at your face or down at the letter he held tightly in his hands. Something was wrong.

“Hi, Dad, come in. Hey, have you heard from Sam? Or even Nate? He should’ve been out ages ago but I can’t seem to get a hold of him.”

Sully sighed in defeat, dread filling him up. He knew he had to tell you and he knew he had to be the one to do it, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t want to tell his little girl that her boyfriend was dead.

“That’s, uh, that’s why I’m here. Listen Y/N...”

You watched your dad hesitate and stumble over his words, trying to find the right thing to say. As you watched him, you became more and more scared, waiting for him to say what he needed to. Deep down, you knew exactly what he was going to say, but you tried to bury that negativity down.

“Dad. Where is Sam?”

Your eyes grew watery, as sadness took over your fathers face, his emotions pretty much confirming your thoughts. You tried to suppress the tears that threatened to spill out of your eyes, but they won, slowly falling down. Your words began to stutter and stumble.

“Dad...where..where is he? Please.”

“He, uh... Sam he’s..”

“Dad, you need to tell me. You need to say it. Please. I need to hear you say it.”

He looked at the letter once again, gripping it tightly, before looking up at you. His heart broke as he watched you slowly begin to crumble.

“Sam died, Y/N. He got shot as they tried to escape the prison. I’m sorry.”

You stood there, sorrow filling your body. Your Sam was dead.

“Fuck.... How? The plan was simple, they just.. he.. Vargos was suppose to let them go.. I dont understand..”

Sully took a step closer to you, tears now falling from his eyes.

“I know, kid. Nate didn’t tell me many details, but from what I could gather, Rafe got pissed, messed the whole plan up.”

“Oh, of course. Of course it was Rafe. I swear to God when I see him I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

Your father now stood in front of you, placing his hands around your arms.

“No you won’t you-“

“He got Sam killed! He got my Sam....is he really gone?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie.”

You let out a sob, falling into your dad, feeling his arms wrap around you, another stroking your hair in an effort to comfort you, though he knew no amount of comfort would calm you down. He mumbled “sorrys” and “it’s gonna be okay”, though you didn’t pay any attention.

All you could think about was Sam.

It was now around 3 AM, you sat curled up on the sofa, holding Sam’s shirt tightly to you, Sully hadn’t left your side since. Your eyes hurt from all the crying, your nose was red and your cheeks were puffy. You had calmed down slightly, mostly from exhaustion.

A yawn was heard from your dad, making you look at the time, suddenly feeling bad that you had kept your father here for so long.

“You, uh. You should go home. Get some sleep.”

“No. No way, I’m not leaving you.”

“Dad, it’s fine. You need to sleep. Besides, I kind of want to be alone right now.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, shooting him a hint of a smile, he shot one back, hesitantly getting up and walking over to you, planting a small kiss to your head.

“It’s going to be okay. Not yet, but eventually.”

He placed the letter he had been holding on the couch next to you, before grabbing his coat.

“What’s this?”

“Oh, uh, Sam gave it to me when you two first got together, said to give it to you if anything ever happened to him.”

“Oh.”, was all you could say, picking up the letter, taking a deep breathe before opening it. You heard the front door close, leaving you alone in the dimly lit apartment. Your eyes closed for a brief second as you unfolded the paper, immediately teary as you saw your boyfriends writing.

Dear Y/N,

If you’re reading this, then I’m sorry. I’m most likely dead, or maybe kidnapped by pirates, hopefully it’s the second one. It was bound to happen some day, you know what I’m like, always getting myself into shit. And I know what you’re like, always saving me from said shit. And I know you’re probably sitting at home, right now, reading this, blaming yourself. Whatever happened, it’s wasn’t your fault. Okay? None of it.

There was just a few things I wanted you to know, that I’ve never really told you. You know I’m not good at talking, but hopefully I can write it. You are the love of my life. Simple as that. From the moment we first met, I knew I was going to fall in love with you, and honestly it terrified me. But you made every single second worth it. You are literally the most amazing thing to happen to me and at times, you were the only one that kept me going. I wish I would’ve told you that more, shown you more, cause I really do love you. More than anything.

I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life mourning over me and being sad. You deserve to be happy. So I want you to know it’s okay to move on, though be warned I will come and haunt the shit out of both of you. I’m gonna miss you.

I’ll be waiting for you on the other side. I love you so fucking much.

Your Sam

P,S. look after nate, make sure he doesn’t get himself killed too

Despite the tears streaming down your cheeks, you chuckled. Sam always knew how to make you laugh, even in the worst of times, that was one of the reasons you loved him so much.

You read the letter over and over again, crying more and more each time until you couldn’t any more. You loved Sam more than anything, and now he was gone. And even with his ‘permission’ you knew you would never be able to move on.

You would never be able to love anyone more than you loved Samuel Drake.

A/N: i’m thinking of writing another imagine like this one, where the reader is in love with sam and instead of sully giving her the letter nate does, and it’s actually Sams love confession to the reader and i could do a part 2 where they reunite and talk about the letter. let me know what you think!

#samuel drake x reader #sam drake x reader #sam drake #samuel drake #x reader #imagines #uncharted 4 #uncharted #naughty dog #nathan drake #sad imagines

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five-rivers · 4 years

Text

Ectober 1: Fog

AKA Familiar Part 3.

Find this and the first two entries to this series here.

Beyond the tiny off-color spot in the center of his right eye, the whole ‘kidnapped and forced to be part of a weird magic ritual’ thing hadn’t altered Danny’s appearance. Good. That was something he always worried about. He let out a long, soft sigh that fogged the mirror in front of him before leaning back.

The police and Danny and Sam’s respective parents had believed the ‘overshadowed and kidnapped’ explanation as well, thank goodness, so they hadn’t gotten in trouble. Which… maybe shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was, considering that it had been true, if edited for length and certain damning content (e.g. all the parts with Danny being a ghost and the aforementioned magic ritual). Tucker’s eyewitness account had helped.

Vivian hadn’t made a repeat appearance so far, which was also good. At least, Sam hadn’t called him about her. Danny rubbed his right eye. Something told him she wouldn’t have to call him to know she was in trouble.

Good.

Overall, the time since Danny had flown them back through the portal had been pleasant, or nearly so. He felt happy and oddly secure. Was it just knowing that Sam was alright? She was a major target of his ghostly Obsession. Maybe they could get Tucker in on this as well? They’d taken the book with them, and Danny wouldn’t mind getting stabbed again.

His core vibrated happily in his chest, making his heart and bones shiver.

Yes, that would be nice…

There was a sharp rap on the door. “Danny?” called his mom. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’ve been in there a while, and something like being kidnapped by a ghost…” She trailed off, a touch of anxiety in her voice. “That can be traumatic.”

Oh, no. He’d made Mom worry. Happy feeling gone.

“I’m fine,” he said, turning on the faucet to make it seem like he’d just started washing up. “Really!” He shut the water off and dried his hands quickly before opening the door. “Just, you, know, a bit tired, that’s all.” He smiled, broad and genuine.

Maddie smiled back, although her brow was pinched. She had pushed her hood back, and her hair was frizzy with static. “You were missing for almost a whole day, Danny. You’ll have to forgive me for worrying.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Mom.”

She sighed and ruffled Danny’s hair. “At least, next time you think a friend is being possessed, if there ever is a next time, come to me and your father. Okay? Making sure ghosts don’t hurt people is our job. So is keeping you safe.”

The irony. If only Danny got paid, he could say the same thing. Alas, it was not to be.

He nodded and smiled. No promises. “I think I’m going to go up to bed, now, if that’s okay?”

“Alright,” said Maddie. “Do you still want to go to school tomorrow? Everyone would understand if you didn’t.”

“Yeah. I just- It wasn’t that big of a deal. I want things to go back to normal.”

“Wow,” said Tucker, pointing at Danny. “That is not normal.”

“What’s not normal?” asked Danny, looking down at himself. Had he spilled something on his shirt without noticing? It had happened before. But, no. Everything looked just like it had when he put it on this morning.

“You’re wearing black,” said Tucker.

Danny looked up and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. So?”

“All black.”

“Okay, captain obvious.” He turned to his locker and started putting in his combination. The hallway was just a little bit too crowded for him to feel comfortable phasing through the door to fish for his books.

“You never wear all black.”

“That’s not true. We all wore black at that Saints’ Fire concert just a couple of months ago.”

“Yeah, but that was for a concert. Danny, you’re even wearing the boots Sam got you!”

“I know what I’m wearing, Tucker. It’s just clothes. Do we need our textbook for English today? Or can I just bring Mockingbird? I can’t remember the schedule.”

“Just Mockingbird. Did something happen while you and Sam were in the Zone?”

“Yeah,” said Danny, honestly. “A couple of things. Got complicated. That ghost is apparently Sam’s ancestor. And also a witch. Witches and magic are a thing, I guess.”

“You sure? Could just be ghost powers,” said Tucker, momentarily distracted.

“Pretty sure it’s magic,” said Danny.

“Danny! Tuck!”

The two boys turned to face Sam, who jogged up to them and then doubled over, hands on her knees.

“Are you okay?” asked Danny, worried.

“I wasn’t able to sleep,” said Sam. “Too much energy. You?”

“I slept normally. Had to fight the Box Ghost at three, but,” he shrugged, “that’s normal.”

Sam straightened. “We need to—” She stopped, blinking. “You’re wearing black.”

“Yeah.” Danny shrugged.

“Why?”

“You said I should?”

Tucker made a sound like a dying pterodactyl. “Something happened!” he said, excitedly. “They’re embracing their feelings. I’m so honored to witness.” Tucker proceeded to squeal.

“Dude,” said Danny, “what is wrong with you?” Then he glanced at Sam.

Sam looked like she had swallowed a lemon.

Danny deflated. “Are you okay?” he asked, leaning forward, concerned. “I mean, other than not having slept.”

“We really need to talk.”

“Aw, come on, Sam, you can’t end your romance before it even begins,” said Tucker in a singsong voice.

The warning bell went off.

“Lunch, I guess?” asked Danny.

“Sure.”

They sat down in their usual spot behind the school, where no other students went because it was both out of the way and lacked anything resembling a comfortable place to sit. Sam, Tucker, and Danny, however, had adapted.

“So,” said Tucker, rubbing his hands together with glee. “You have to tell me the details. All the details. What happened? Are you guys dating now? How did you get de-liquified? That really freaked me out, by the way.”

Sam put her hands over her face and groaned. “No, we’re not dating. Ugh. How do I even explain what’s going on?”

Danny jumped in. “Sam’s witch ancestor did something weird to my powers and wouldn’t let us go until we did a ritual that, uh, sort of bound me to Sam as a familiar spirit. Also, she wants Sam to be her apprentice. So, we have that to look forward to.” He fished his sandwich out of his bag.

“Wow,” said Tucker. “I have no idea how to respond to that.”

“That was a lot more concise than I expected,” said Sam.

“It hits all the important points, though. Except for the de-liquification. If I’m being honest, I’m not entirely sure how that happened.”

“Right,” said Sam. “Anyway, we have to figure out how to undo it.”

Danny choked on his sandwich. “What? Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’” demanded Sam, clearly aggrieved.

Danny furrowed his brow. “I know we didn’t do it under the—”

“Word of advice, man, whatever you did do, don’t phrase it as ‘do it.’ Unless this ritual thing involved—"

“Tucker?” said Sam, blushing furiously.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Got it. Sorry. I blame hormones.”

Danny had no idea what Tucker was talking about but decided not to ask. Instead, he let out a quick puff of air. “I know we didn’t want or ask for this, but it does seem to come with some benefits. Did you try out any of the spells in the books we took with us last night?”

“No, because the last one made me stick a needle in your eye!”

There was a fundamental misunderstanding happening here. A disconnect. Danny tilted his head. In moments like these, Spectra’s voice seemed to echo in his head. He ignored it.

“I didn’t mind,” said Danny. “I’ve been hurt worse. Besides, they don’t all need you to stick a needle in my eye. I read them, too, you know.”

“Do you not care about how you can’t lie to me?”

“No? You already know all my big secrets, anyway.” Danny didn’t know why Sam was so upset about this, but it was starting to make him anxious. His fingers had made deep impressions in his sandwich.

“Wait,” said Tucker, “it does what?”

“Yeah!” said Sam, running an agitated hand through her hair. “That’s not all, either. Apparently, he has to follow all my commands, too, like I’m some kind of discount Freakshow!”

“This isn’t like Freakshow!” protested Danny. “I didn’t have any choice about that!”

“You didn’t have any choice about this either,” said Sam, making a sweeping motion with her hands so violently that she rocked back on her heels. “We were basically hostages. You can’t tell me that you’re actually okay with this.”

“I am okay with it,” said Danny, taken aback by Sam’s vehemence. “I like knowing that you’re safe, and, if you have powers, too, you can, you know, be safer. Also, it would be cool if there was someone else who had them, I guess.” His sandwich was well and truly squished at this point. “I was actually… Earlier, I was thinking that it might be a good thing to see if Tucker can get in on this, too.”

“You’re joking,” said Sam, flatly.

“Dude, I think we’ve all seen that I do not handle power well.”

“No,” said Danny, shaking his head. “I like this. And I trust you. Both of you.” His face twisted up. “Maybe back when we started out, and you were talking about freeing zoo animals and wrecking Hummer dealerships I might have been a little apprehensive, but, even back then, I know you wouldn’t have made me do anything I didn’t want to do. You guys let me overshadow you to practice. This isn’t really any different. Right?”

“Don’t look at me, man,” said Tucker, raising his hands. “You two are the ones on the inside.”

Sam stared at Danny for a moment longer before pinching the bridge of her nose. “We need to undo this,” she said, firmly.

The edges of Danny’s eyes started to hurt, and he blinked them rapidly. “Okay,” he said. “If you want to.” It did affect Sam, too, after all. If she didn’t feel like she had consented, then undoing it really should have been a no-brainer.

Danny really didn’t want to undo it. He liked this. He liked the way it made him feel.

“After school,” said Sam.

“Okay,” whispered Danny, looking down at his destroyed sandwich. “I guess I should get rid of this, huh?”

And then he ran.

It would be wrong to say that Sam didn’t feel guilty. She did. She felt hugely, incredibly guilty. Like she’d kicked a puppy.

Thing was, she didn’t exactly have a choice. Danny obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. The ritual must have done something to his head beyond screwing with his free will.

How could anyone be happy when they were forced into obedience?

If they let this go on, Danny would eventually resent her more than she resented her parents. After all, her parents didn’t have mind-control abilities.

“Hey,” said Tucker, breaking the silence that had lain over them since they started the walk to Sam’s house. “Not to be a downer, but what do we do if that ghost—”

“Vivian,” supplied Sam.

“Vivian, right. What do we do if she comes back and she wants you to do magic stuff? Or she gets mad that you cut your connection? We didn’t do a super great job of fighting her last time.”

Danny shrugged, exhaustion evident in the curve of his spine. “We do what we always do. It won’t be the first time it takes us two tries to fight someone.”

“Strategies?” prompted Tucker.

“I don’t know. Maybe we can find some kind of weakness in those books… Though, she probably wouldn’t have let us take them if we could get her weakness from them. If all else fails, I guess we could chuck a bucket of water at her.”

“I hate to say it, but I doubt the Wizard of Oz is a good source for how to deal with witches,” said Tucker.

“Well, considering all the other ways of ‘dealing with witches’ are literal torture, that’s all I’ve got.” Danny’s words were clipped.

Yeah. He was mad.

“We could try some charms and stuff,” suggested Sam.

“Before or after we cut our bond?” asked Danny, no inflection in his tone. “Because that might make the difference.”

“Danny, I’m just not comfortable having you as my slave. Which is what this comes down to.”

“I know,” said Danny. He still didn’t sound happy.

They reached Sam’s house, and they all crowded into Sam’s room for the most intense study session ever. Not counting Tucker’s post-Ember deprogramming.

Sam started with the original book, the one the ritual had come from in the first place. Reading it again made her so mad. Mad enough that, at first, she didn’t notice her rapidly increasing heartrate. Not until she was pressing her hand against her chest and struggling for breath.

“What,” she gasped, “was that?”

Danny shook his head, eyes wide and worried even as he kept his fingers wrapped securely around Sam’s wrist. “I don’t know. Whatever happened, though, your pulse is going back down. What were you looking at?”

“Just the ritual from before… I wanted to see if there were loopholes we could use,” said Sam, trying to get her breathing back under control.

Tucker plucked the book from where it had fallen near Sam’s knee and scanned the page. He winced. “Hey, it says here that your side of the deal is giving Danny your heart.”

“Yeah?” said Sam.

“Your heart, which just went crazy when you started trying to figure out a way to back out of the deal?”

Sam felt Danny’s hand contract around her wrist. “Oh,” he said. “But I didn’t want that to happen.” He sounded lost, hurt, and more than a little offended.

“I know, man,” said Tucker, soothingly, “but you don’t want the contract to be broken, either, right?”

“No,” admitted Danny. “I’m sorry, I like it.”

“Yeah. So,” said Tucker, “I guess it isn’t as one-sided as you thought, Sam.” He made a face. “What was your ‘promise,’ anyway?”

“To be friends,” said Danny. “We thought that would cause the least amount of issues, in case there were penalties.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, okay,” said Tucker. “That makes sense.”

It did.

This was bad.

This was the worst-case scenario. Sam bit down on her lip. Danny was- It was like he was in a fog, as far as this thing went. That’s the only way she could describe it. There was no way he was seeing the situation clearly. It didn’t matter if it was because of the familiar contract or Danny’s ghostly nature.

If Tucker was right and Sam had a heart attack every time she tried to do something about it…

Yeah. That wasn’t good.

“Maybe we should look at something else for today,” suggested Danny, far too cheerfully. “Like, we should see if you can do some of these spells and how it affects us. It seems like I’ve been feeding you energy somehow, right?” He began paging through one of the books. “That’s probably why you were awake all last night. That’s going to be useful, I bet, and oh! This one sounds cool. We could make fog everywhere. Just think about it, Sam. We could be so spooky at night!” He brought out the puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh,” said Sam. “Fine.” She stabbed a finger at Tucker. “You keep searching for a way out.”

The corners of Danny’s lips twitched downward at that, but sprang back up when Sam turned her attention to the spell he had picked out. Weakly, Sam smiled back.

This was going to be hard.

#danny phantom #ectober #ectober 2020 #ectober week 2020 #day 1

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stereksecretsanta · 3 years

Text

Merry Christmas, sivan325!

For @sivan325 <3

Read On AO3

*****

Kiss It Better

“Dammit.” Stiles caught himself just in time. Or at least he thought it was just in time.

“You’re bleeding.” Derek growled between gritted teeth.

Stiles stumbled upward. Honestly who thought it was necessary to have all these loose wires in a warehouse? More important question, why were all the very important werewolf meetings between packs taking place in said warehouse? Wouldn't it be more picturesque to do that in the forest, in the desert or anywhere more natural than a freaking warehouse on the outskirts of town? It was like they were setting a trap for the lowly humans forced to accompany them. Being the emissary of these dudes, that was risky in more ways than just one.

“Warehouse… were-house? That’s what it is. It all makes sense.” Stiles mumbled to himself trying to steady himself holding on to Derek’s shoulder. He was the closest upright object nearby that Stiles didn’t identify as an electric hazard. A guy had to have some self-protection instincts after all, especially in this line of work.

“What are you saying? You’re hurt. It’s blood loss. You’re rarely that nonsensical these days.” Derek grabbed him by the waist and pushed him to the car in one smooth motion.

“The blood loss? Wha-“ Stiles looked down at himself. “Right. I’m bleeding.”

He was confident in his statement because of all the red he could see on his shirt right about now. He was pretty sure he had been wearing a white shirt before, not a tie dye t shirt of red and brown. Derek was being overly dramatic, it took a lot more blood for someone to become nonsensical due to blood loss. If Stiles had any brains at the moment he would probably crack a joke or two about that.

It was only that he was tired, the whole day had been endless and exhausting. They had to prepare for the meeting, prepare for it going right, and for it going wrong and all that stress and all these nerves being on high alert for so long, that took a toll on someone.

“Is it deep?” Derek asked sharply, stirring the car onto the main road at a speed that would most definitely get them arrested if any cop was in the vicinity.

“I’ll survive.”

Stiles winced because of the car motion. Derek really wasn’t that great of a driver all things considered. Stiles should have taken the wheel because right now he felt closer to nausea than any pain caused by a stupid scratch.

Derek parked the car in one of these fast and furious reverse u turn kind of insane driving skills. Stiles rolled his eyes. Derek might have some telepathic ability that Stiles didn’t know about because this maneuver seemed only necessary to prove to Stiles that yes Derek was a good driver, or maybe to make him puke all over the floor and himself. One or the other, Derek could be cruel like that depending on the moon cycle.

They weren’t close to the full moon or anything astronomical so maybe it was just for the heck of it. Stiles couldn’t be sure, but now he was being carried (carried! As in his feet weren’t touching the ground kind of carried!) to the elevator and toward Derek’s loft.

Maybe it was actually the blood loss, or maybe it was the crash of all the adrenaline of an alpha meeting and the spell Stiles had to do in order to protect both of them when the other pack, now clearly on the list of enemy packs, made the slightest move in the wrong direction.

Stiles was good at this business, more than good, he was great, a big talent and all that. He had been told by several trusted sources that his magic was stronger than what they had ever seen. So yes, Stiles was good and he was confident and he could do this job well, he could be the one to protect Derek and make sure all the people he loved would be safe, that the town would be safe. He could do all these things. But he was also very much new at this, and he was also very much human. Still a twenty-something dude just barely out of college and barely out of magic school, if some training and spell-work with Deaton could be called that. It was very minimal, Stiles was mostly going on instinct and pure magic.

The fact that Derek had accepted, had even offered that Stiles take the place of emissary of the Hale pack had been wild in itself but not as wild as what seemed to be going on right now.

Derek had always been a little stressed. He was a stressed alpha, it was the least anyone could say about it. It was the least Stiles himself had said out loud about it. Stiles had very little filter when it came to what he wanted to say to Derek on any given subject.

“Dude, everything is fine, the bad guys left and all that. No need to get your panties in a knot.” Stiles said for the form. He couldn’t not say anything.

Derek huffed. “My panties are fine, thank you for your concern.”

“Are they?” Stiles chuckled, a little breathless. He thought he was hilarious. Going by the death glare Derek sent his way, he didn’t share the sentiment.

The thing was Stiles was too busy keeping one very important piece of information secret and that made all the other secrets non-keepable. One mind could only have that many things hidden and Stiles had chosen to keep the fact that he was very very head over heels in love with his alpha the best kept secret in all the lands. It had been years. Nobody suspected anything. Except maybe Erica but she was way too perspective of her own good.

It made sense to keep it secret. It made as much sense as it did because now Stiles’ place in the pack was more than just friendship or fear or whatever feelings were there at the beginning. Stiles was able to perform all the needed spells and not make a fool out of himself in front of guys wanting them dead. Stiles had a place in the pack and that place was being the best emissary he could be. That meant being invested but not too much, being a key part of this pack. And it meant knowing when the pack’s health was more important than the alpha’s life.

Would Derek trust him ever again if he knew that Stiles was in love with him? Maybe not. That was the whole problem. Stiles could take rejection, he could hear Derek tell him no and that would be so much simpler. But if Derek told him no, it wouldn’t be the end of this crush. Derek wouldn’t forget it. Stiles hadn’t mastered any amnesia spell so he wouldn’t be able to erase anything. The moment the cat was out of the bag, it would be too late to turn back around.

That was fucking scary. Stiles was a little bit of a coward deep down when it came to his heart.

They had built their trust and it had taken some time, because hell, Derek had been closed off at the beginning. With reasons. Stiles couldn’t really fault him for any of it, he hadn’t been great either, being a teenager and all that, he had made mistakes too. But now they were in the best place. The betas had warmed up to Stiles, even Boyd. That was saying something.

Stiles was part of this found-family of sorts and he didn’t want to mess it up.

He couldn’t throw all that progress just because he had all these butterflies when Derek smiled at him. It was a vicious circle because the more Stiles felt included, the more time he spent with Derek, the more he felt all these scary feelings spin out of control, he was just so hopeless and everything started to swell in his heart to the breaking point. Everything was bound to come crashing out of him at some point and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

What were the chances Derek reciprocated these feelings? Zero, close to zero, the void and the deepest black hole in the galaxy.

Derek was a very serious alpha. He was trying to rebuild the Hale pack reputation in the community. He was doing good, Stiles was very proud deep down. That took time. Years. Derek was committed to it and he hadn’t exactly let himself date anyone for… Stiles couldn’t even tell how long it had been.

“What are you mumbling about?” Derek rolled his eyes. “Hop on here.” He tapped his hand on the kitchen counter.

Stiles hadn’t even realized they were now in the loft, all the lights were on and the door was closed. Derek had brought him home.

“Huh?”

‘Hop on.” Derek gestured to the counter again. “Are you going to make me carry you again?”

“What?” Stiles grimaced.

Derek rolled his eyes with a long suffering sigh. He was in a mood apparently. “Hop. On.”

“Oh my God, alright. What do you need me on the counter for? Are you planning on eating a slice of Stiles for dinner? It’s the smell of fresh blood, isn’t it? All your animalistic predator instincts have woken up because I smell deliciously like a Stilinski snack. I have to admit, you’re not wrong because I did put on some muscles with all the training and look at me, I'm pretty delicious looking. Do you think I taste like chicken? Do I smell like chicken?”

Derek didn’t comment anything except for his eyebrows twitching.

“See, you totally agree with me! I smell like delicious chicken.” Stiles decided to take that as approval. Eyebrow language was always subjective and Stiles could turn it to his advantage if he wanted.

“Take off your shirt.” Derek ordered out of the blue.

“Wowow, what?” Stiles’ brain really had a hard time catching up with everything. It was all because of the blood loss. Surely.

Derek crouched down to rummage through the cabinet at Stiles’ feet before standing up with an old beaten metal box.

“You’re bleeding.” Derek’s eyes looked over Stiles’ chest and arm, almost begging Stiles to actually get on with the plan. But what plan, Stiles had no idea.

“I’m? Yeah.” Stiles looked down at himself again. Was he actually still bleeding?

By the time Stiles stopped frowning down at his shirt as if he could will his blood to stop coming out of him with the strength of his mind, Derek took a step closer and just… ripped the shirt off with his claws. He had flicked his claws out just for this.

Why exactly? Stiles’ slightly ripped and somewhat bloody shirt had been so offensive or something. Derek wasn’t new to the whole bloody shirt ordeal. He had had a great deal of bloody shirts since they met. What was wrong with bloody shirts now?

“O - okayyy…” Stiles was just so confused.

It was delirium. It was the only actual explanation he could find for whatever was going on right now.

“You’re bleeding.” Derek had a one track mind.

“It’s not that bad actually.” Stiles made a face, looking down at himself. He had a handful of punctures through his skin from having landed on some barbed wire. He was still oozing out blood on the side of his rib cage but none of the cuts looked that deep, and none of them were that large either.

Painful, yes. Life threatening, not really. It was all good. Stiles wasn’t fainting at the sight of blood anymore. He had grown out of that.

Stiles startled when he was hit by some icy cold spray coming out of nowhere.

He looked up to see Derek’s gaze laser focused on the wounds.

“What the fuck?” Stiles squawked.

Derek was holding an antiseptic spray like he would a gun and he was ready to shoot. He had actually shot, Stiles realized, the cold liquid hitting his skin made a lot more sense now.

“We don’t want any infection.” Derek deadpanned, as if that explained everything.

“Duuuude...” Stiles shook his head in disbelief.

So that was what Derek had been doing all this time? Trying to clean Stiles’ wounds? That was strangely sweet but also very weird and awkward. So so awkward.

“Clean it first?” Stiles tried to say. “No. I mean. I can clean it myself. I can absolutely clean it myself.”

He was not inviting Derek to gently caress his chest with a damp cloth because no, Stiles wasn’t doing that. Oh but he would absolutely love that because he was a masochist and any amount of Derek he could get he would very much like to get and if Derek was set on a quest to take care of Stiles then Stiles would be an idiot to refuse. It might be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Though Stiles was a little bit of a klutz, it was not the first and most probably won’t be the last time Stiles found himself bleeding or bruising. Derek taking care of him was the new addition to this.

Of course there had been the occasional draining of his pain when things got bad or the rushing him to the hospital even when things were definitely not as bad as they looked. Obviously there had been times, numerous times, when Derek took care of him.

This was different. They were just the two of them and they were in Derek’s loft and… yeah.

Now Derek was coming back from the sink with a clean cloth and started to gently wipe the blood off the side of Stiles’ chest.

“That way?” Derek asked in a whisper. He looked uncertain, like this was all uncharted territory to him.

Stiles swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Derek looked up at him from under his eyelashes. Stiles’ heart was doing some loop-the-loop inside his chest. What was going on?

Stiles wasn’t meant to handle Derek looking at him like that. He wasn’t equipped for all these feelings. He was suffering from blood loss and a great deal of pining for this man who was the love of his life. More than that if such a thing even existed. Stiles couldn’t go through something like that and come back on the other side without being scarred for life. And all these scars would be metaphorical and all of them would be on his tiny human heart. Nothing wouldn’t be because of the bleeding and punctured skin.

“I - I can do it, you know.” Stiles made a move to reach for the cloth in Derek’s hand.

“Don’t.” Derek took his hand away. “Let me.”

Stiles raised his hands in surrender. “Okay okay. Our beloved alpha is going through something and I’m not going to get in the middle of it. I mean I literally am in the middle of it. Or the subject of it if we want to be specific. But I’m not going to come in between you and whatever it is you feel you need to do. I’m suffering enough as it is.”

Derek reached for a clean towel to pat the cuts dry. Stiles could only stare at him. The wounds really weren’t that bad, he could have just gone home. He wasn’t bleeding to death or anything.

Derek carefully brought the metal box closer. It was, as expected, some kind of first aid kit. It looked old, obviously very rarely used in a pack of werewolves with super healing abilities. It was a wonder why Derek even had that in his loft to begin with.

Derek frowned after a while. “Suffering? Does it hurt a lot?”

He stepped closer to Stiles with a big handful of gauze and sterile dressing. A lot of dressing. Enough to wrap Stiles’ whole chest with it. So much… Too much. Jesus.

Derek checked the wounds one by one and inelegantly plopped the gauze on Stiles’ chest. He grimaced before revising himself and reaching his hand again to put some pressure there. It wasn’t graceful at all, it was absolutely ridiculous.

“Noooo.” Stiles pushed him away and crossed his arms over his chest before he could come any closer again. “Drop the gauze, dude. Drop. the. gauze. I’m not letting you change me into a mummy. It’s not Halloween and gauze just isn’t a trendy fashion accessory. I don’t need all of this. At all.” Stiles gestured to Derek holding a ball of gauze as big as a football. “Look, it stopped bleeding. Okay, almost stopped. But I swear, I only need a few band-aids and it’s going to be enough.”

Derek frowned but let the gauze fall to the ground. He went to the metal box again and came back with a pack of what looked to be simple band-aids.

“That’s more like it.” Stiles encouraged him. “Give it all you’ve got, buddy… That’s just a saying. Don’t go overboard, please.”

Derek only groaned in response. Stiles figured he had gotten the point.

He stretched a little to give Derek more access. The laser focused gaze was back on Derek’s face as he stuck one, two, three band-aids on Stiles’ skin. Fingertips brushing his cold skin, sending shivers all over.

“Please stop looking so constipated. What is it? It’s not that I don’t enjoy all the attention but come on, tell me, what the hell is going on?” Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. The whole thing was so bizarre.

“My human is hurt and I need to make sure-” Derek started before stopping mid sentence frowning and shaking his head as if he didn’t make any sense even to himself.

“Dude, what.” Stiles was so confused. “ My human?”

Since when was Stiles anyone’s human? Human, yes very much so, the human token, yes but when had anyone other than his dad and maybe Scott have any sort of possessive feelings toward him? He heard it before ‘my son’ ‘my best friend’ but ‘my human’? Well that was a first and it could mean so many things.

“What do you mean ‘my’ human?”

“Nothing.” Derek shut off almost immediately.

“Something!” Stiles hopped off the counter trying to make himself look tall.

It failed. He winced at the stabbing pain in his side. He had almost forgotten he was actually pretty banged up. That was how infuriating Derek could be when he didn’t want to use words.

“Stiles.” Derek’ warm hands were here to steady him, so soft and gentle on his skin. Stiles wanted to be mad about it but he liked it all too much.

“Ugh. Don’t think I’m forgetting about all of this just because of some tiny scratches, okay? I’m not letting this go.”

“You never let anything go.” Derek’s face was annoyed, but his eyes were still staring at Stiles.

“I’m fine.” Stiles affirmed because apparently Derek needed to hear it. “I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding.” Derek said for the hundredth time this evening.

“It’s not the first time.”

A deep pained look ghosted over Derek’s face.

Stiles sighed. That hurt expression wasn’t going to cut it. They weren’t these people anymore. Derek was a good alpha, he was the best alpha. He cared so much about his pack, about the town. He wasn’t the guy who carried all the guilt in the world on his shoulders anymore. Derek knew better than that.

“Your human?” Stiles brought them back to the most important topic of all.

He smirked at Derek’s even more pained expression. It wasn’t the same pain. It was the ‘Stiles is insufferable’ pained look. This was a look Stiles could deal with. He quite liked that look if he was completely honest. He would gladly annoy Derek for the rest of their days, that was in his lifelong contract.

“Since when am I your human? Tell me more. I’d like to know!”

“It came out wrong,” Derek deflated, looking anywhere but at Stiles. “I meant-“

Stiles snorted. Derek was saying words that meant one thing but his hands were still holding Stiles close, closer than strictly necessary. Still holding Stiles who was shirtless, the shreds of his bloody shirt in a pile on the floor, and still holding Stiles who wasn’t exactly bleeding anymore and just a tiny bit sore after tripping and losing his fight with scraps of metal in an old dusty warehouse. Stiles was definitely losing his fight against these hands too.

He was slowly but surely letting these warm hands affect him, he was letting himself want more of these hands and more of everything. And if Derek wanted Stiles to be his, Stiles was ready to be his on so many more levels than just a different species. He was ready to be more than what they had been for years. Friends, pack and maybe something else.

Stiles moved a small step closer. “Well, if we’re standing here in this kitchen tonight, claiming each other, I’d like to formally tell this assembly of silverware that you… You’re my… alpha.”

Derek’s eyes flashed red at the word.

Stiles smirked again. “That’s right. Thanks for the confirmation.”

“I just want you safe.” Derek glanced at Stiles’ band-aid covered chest again.

“Just give me a couple of days I’ll be as good as new and you’ll stop looking like someone kicked your puppy. Oh my god. Am I your puppy? Do you want to lick my wound better because your saliva has magical properties? Because mine doesn’t, I already asked. You said human but that can mean a lot of things. Please tell me I’m not a puppy. Do you see me as a useless human kid?”

“No.” Derek’s face lost every ounce of concern all at once. Stiles’ stupid rambling had managed to convince him he wasn’t dying.

“Well, good.” Stiles said. “That would be the opposite of sexy.”

Okay so Stiles was not a puppy and not a kid. He had lost his investigation edge. He had let himself become soft or something.

“So you care about me.” Stiles ventured.

It wasn’t a question. Stiles knew Derek cared. Derek cared about everyone. The statement seemed innocent enough. Derek didn’t have to take it as an euphemism for anything other than caring for his pack members, his brand new emissary. He didn’t have to read into Stiles’ jerky heartbeat. Or smell the distinct scent of hope mixed with nerves.

He didn’t have to. Oh but Stiles wished he would.

“... Yes.” Derek breathed out. “I care.”

“Okay.” Stiles’ mind blanked.

Okay. Cool. Play it cool. This is okay. Cool. His heart was now skyrocketing as if it was trying to break his ribs and make its way out. But everything was cool.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Stiles nodded. What, did Derek honestly think Stiles wasn’t going to be okay with this? “I’m gonna kiss you now. If I got all of this wrong, I’m going to blame it on the delirium of blood loss. You even told me I was nonsensical earlier, don’t think I didn’t hear, I heard. I hear everything. I always hear everything. And right now I’m hearing something and you know how actions have reactions well my reaction is that i’m going to kiss you. You can totally stop me or push me away if you don’t want that. I mean, this is just a heads-up because it’s good to give people a warning sometimes and not just spray them with antiseptic or, you know, love and affection without any warning.”

Derek’s face twitched in what seemed like surprise for a second.

“Yeah.” Stiles repeated. “Because if you care about me that way, I do too. Care about you. And you have to know you are wonderful and kind and extremely extremely beautiful. Handsome yes and attractive and hot but that doesn’t cover it. You’re beautiful and amazing and I…” stiles licked his lips. “I’m gonna shut up now and I’m gonna kiss you. Kiss the hell out of you until my legs give out. I’m gonna-“

It was Derek who kissed him in the end, crowding into Stiles’ space and capturing his mouth mid sentence.

Stiles was still trying to speak until Derek slipped his tongue inside his mouth to effectively shut him up. That was when Stiles’ brain caught up with the action.

He grabbed a fistful of Derek’s shirt to tug him even closer if that was possible.

Derek’s hand made its way down to stop just where Stiles’ band aids were, ghosting over them, not touching but still there. Protecting.

That kiss. That kiss was enough to heal some hole inside of Stiles that band-aids had never been able to fix.

A moan escaped Stiles before Derek caught his lips in another kiss because no one kiss wasn’t enough. Kisses were simply fantastic. Derek’s mouth was made to be kissed indefinitely, forever, over and over again. And Stiles’ soft skin was made to brush against Derek’s stubble so much that it would become red with it.

They finally let go of each other. A tragedy. Stiles had to breathe a little. He needed to think, restart his brain after the sweetest court-circuit of sensations.

He looked down in a sigh. And frowned at the bright colored spots on his ribs. What…

“Are these superheroes band-aids?” Stiles snorted.

“Uh. Yeah.” Derek confessed.

Stiles stared at him for a moment, that man was absolutely ridiculous. How long had these band aids been there waiting in that old box? How long had Derek been feeling this way about Stiles that he had bought and kept these stupid superheroes band-aids in his stupid kitchen?

Stiles shook his head, examining Derek’s expression carefully.

“You’re insane.” He whispered, praying that his cheeks weren't starting to flush red.

It was so far from an accusation. He was in awe. Stiles bit his lip to keep from doing something but then remembered that he could, he was allowed to kiss Derek now. He already had in fact kissed Derek. What in the world.

He just went for it, leaning in and pressing a light kiss to his lips.

Derek didn’t even correct him on his insanity. Maybe he agreed, they were both a little bit insane.

They kissed, and kissed. Stiles' jaw started aching but he wouldn’t stop kissing Derek, not when Derek’s fingers were now in his hair, not when a hand was on his hip steadying him upright.

His lips stung, swollen and almost raw from stubble and a few very deliberate teasing teeth.

“Fuck.” Derek breathed out. “They’re not going to let me live this down. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Who?”

“The betas…” Derek ran a hand over his eyes.

Oh no. So they all knew. It hasn’t been just Erica. They had all seen Stiles pining his ass off for Derek for years. This was awful, so terrible. Stiles was going to die from all the teasing. No, wait.

Derek let out a long suffering sight. “I kept telling them no, that I wasn’t… but they were relentless. I kept telling them to shut up.”

Stiles felt his lips curl up in the biggest idiotic grin ever. The betas were going to tease Derek. Not him. Let’s face it, they were going to tease Stiles most definitely too but also Derek! Derek had been pining over him for God knew how long.

“Dude,” Stiles was still grinning. Barbed wire excluded, this might be the best fucking day ever. “Telling these idiots to shut up... that never works you should know by now.”

Derek shrugged. He looked just a little too proud for someone complaining about his family not listening to a word he said.

“So we’re doing this?” Stiles dared ask.

“Yeah, we are.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll give you my heart but on the condition you do study the basics of the human healing process. Maybe even CPR because all of this,” he gestured to all of Derek. “that might cause me one or two heart-attacks.”

Derek rolled his eyes. That idiot couldn't even keep the fond off his face.

Stiles had to kiss him again. He just had to.

#sivan325 #stereksanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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thekidultlife · 4 years

Text

Afterglow | TROS Spinoff Part 3 | Yoon Jeonghan

Author’s Note: This is the third (and last) part of the Yoon Jeonghan spinoff. Honestly, I did not know that I would take the story to this third part, but my characters went this direction and I have to follow them to see how this would all end. If you want to read this story from the very beginning, please check out the links below! I highly recommend it.

Genre: Fluff, angst, smut (All the emotions, I guess?)

Word Count: 5,792

Jeonghan’s eyes took in the sunny morning that greeted him in the kitchen. Contrasting with the golden rays of sunlight that gleamed at the polished countertops, the pale blue hues of the room calmed his racing mind and soothed his senses. His one hand ran across the huge dining table, and he smiled at the three plates that Jae Eun had set down on the side that wasn’t filled with unopened presents from the birthday party two nights ago.

“Appa!” Jae Eun called out from the stove in a sing-song voice. She looked extremely happy. Her dark, wavy hair was still mussed up with sleep and her apron was tied in the cute, clumsy knot that adorable four-year-olds are famous for. “Please please please help me flip the pancakes!”

It was just almost seven in the morning, but Jae Eun looked like she had been up for hours. Jeonghan chuckled and went over to his daughter, who was standing up on a stool again, holding a spatula, and looking very much like Jeonghan when he was her age. He smiled even more when he took note of the burning smell. “Okay. Appa will help you.” Jeonghan took the spatula from Jae Eun’s hands and held her close to him as he flipped the pancakes. “Who taught you how to make pancakes?”

“Eomma did. She said I’m bright so I can do it by myself.” The confidence in Jae Eun’s voice made Jeonghan kiss her on the cheek.

“Of course you’re bright! Yoon Jae Eun, whose baby are you?” Jeonghan gently kissed the top of Jae Eun’s hair. Ah, mornings like these…

Jae Eun giggled and smiled at her dad, her eyes shining. She stood on tiptoes and whispered adoringly, “Yoon Jeonghan’s! Yoon Jeonghan, whose Appa are you?”

Jeonghan almost felt like bursting with happiness when Jae Eun said her part of the ritual. It made his morning even more dreamlike and happy. He kissed her nose and said softly, “Yoon Jae Eun’s!”

Jae Eun beamed up at her dad, delight making her face look even more beautiful. Then she began to dictate instructions to Jeonghan as to how not to burn the pancakes which was already burned a little. Jeonghan laughed as she tried to flip the pancakes by herself, succeeding after a lot of cute tries. Then he set her down on her feet so she could put the syrup bottles on the dining table. Jeonghan deftly put the pancakes on a platter and placed it next to the syrup bottles. Then he carried Jae Eun to her chair so she could start eating, promising to be back after he called you over for breakfast.

“Eomma’s shirt is nice on you, Appa,” Jae Eun innocently commented, her eyes wondering. “But did you lose your clothes?”

“Oh, no,” Jeonghan said quickly, trying not to blush in front of his own four-year-old daughter. He looked at the shirt he was wearing, which was actually his shirt back in the days of your short-lived marriage. He looked back at Jae Eun and smiled. “Actually, this is Appa’s. Your Eomma forgot to return it to me when she borrowed it. That’s why it’s nice on me.”

“And the pajamas? Are those yours, too?” Jae Eun asked curiously, a tiny hand about to reach for the syrup.

Jeonghan’s face went really red this time, but he nodded playfully. “Yes. This pajama is also Appa’s.”

“Wow, Eomma has a lot of your things, Appa!” Jae Eun placed a pancake on her plate and began eating. “Tell her to give it back to you! It’s not nice to keep things that aren’t yours.”

Jeonghan grinned at Jae Eun and nodded again. “You’re right. I will definitely tell Eomma. Now let me go get her to eat breakfast with us.”

“Come back soon!!!” Jae Eun playfully sang out as she ate her share of the pancakes.

Jeonghan chuckled to himself softly as he padded back to the hallway leading to your bedroom. He opened the door to find you still in bed, half-dressed, your hair a messy tangle, your face…radiant, glowing, beautiful. For the nth time that morning, Jeonghan pulled your face close and kissed your still-swollen lips.

“Mmm,” you murmured, smiling between kisses, “miss me that much already?”

Jeonghan laughed again and kissed you over and over, tenderly. “Yes,” he said. “I missed you this much already.”

You pulled him close. “I missed you, too,” you said softly, “but first…” you pulled away from him and picked up your phone. You unlocked it and waved the dial screen at Jeonghan’s face. “What was Angelo telling me about you, Jeonghan?” You studied Jeonghan’s face carefully. “Did you really go to to XYZ Publishing yesterday?”

Jeonghan could almost swear that his morning felt a tad shade darker when he saw Angelo’s caller ID on your phone, but he just pulled your hand that was holding the phone down to his chest. “Do you love me?”

“You wouldn’t be sitting on my bed and kissing me if I don’t,” you said tartly. “But what was he saying sorry for?”

“Oh,” Jeonghan said calmly. Suddenly, his morning brightened up a notch from the darker shade that Angelo had clouded it with. “He must have assumed that I had told you how much of a bastard he was. But I left that part out for you to hear from him about personally.” When he saw that you looked worried, Jeonghan kissed you again. “Let him tell you. After all,” he pulled away playfully from your hands and inched away from you, “he’s your boyfriend, remember?”

“Stop it,” you hissed, seeing the sly look on Jeonghan’s face. “Listen to this.” You pressed the voice message and you simmered in mock anger as you saw Jeonghan’s slow smile spread on his mouth. “He broke up with me.” You grabbed his arm and Jeonghan was suddenly on top of you, smiling that smile that made you feel like you were five years younger and you were still living with him in that townhouse where you both loved. “I no longer have a boyfriend and I don’t know why the heck I feel so happy saying that.” It was absurd, really. However, when Jeonghan bent down to claim your lips again, and to skim his hands over your body, you are once more transported back in time.

But Jeonghan soon broke the spell with a laugh as he nibbled your neck. “As much as I would want to make love to you right now, baby,” he whispered, his mouth on your throat, “I just want you to know that we are very late for breakfast.”

You gave out a yelp and playfully kicked Jeonghan out of your way, his laughter behind you as you went, bounding out the door and trying to straighten your hair. As you neared the kitchen, you struggled to compose yourself, smoothing your shirt and trying to walk straight without wincing. Ah, Yoon Jeonghan, your body sighed achingly especially down there, you just never disappoint.

“Eomma!” came the joyous squeal of delight from your daughter. You gave Jae Eun your sweetest, motherly smile as you saw her sitting on her chair, eating her share of breakfast.

“Good morning, baby girl,” you greeted Jae Eun sweetly with a kiss and proudly scanned the table, set with glasses of milk and plates heaped with pancakes laden with what looked like to be a very sweet syrup experiment. “Wow. Pancakes! And…lots of syrup! Good job, sweetheart!”

Jae Eun smiled brightly. “It’s our first breakfast together with Appa!” She reached out with no small effort to put a pancake on your plate. “I made two pancakes the best. You and Appa can have it!”

You felt a hand press gently on your shoulder and you arched at the sudden touch. “Good morning, Appa,” you greeted Jeonghan playfully. “Please sit!”

Jeonghan tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and took the chair beside you. Then he smiled at Jae Eun. “You cook well, our Jae Eun!”

Jae Eun beamed again. But as she was about to say thank you, her eyebrows furrowed. Wondering, Jeonghan asked her why, as they ate together, their first breakfast together as a family.

“Eomma, why are you wearing Appa’s shirt?”

“Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jae Eun was in daycare, and you were in bed with Jeonghan again, arms around each other. Neither of you had been talking a long time.

“Yes?”

You traced your fingers at his bare arm. “What do we do now?”

“We were stupid, weren’t we?” Jeonghan let out a soft, sad laugh. “We thought we’d be able to escape all the drama when we divorced. Look at us now.”

“Seriously.” Your fingertips grazed softly over his skin, and you felt him tighten all over at your touch. “What do we do next?”

At that, Jeonghan took your hand and placed it to his lips. His eyes, dark with an intensity and fire that you knew you had rekindled, were boring into yours, sending heat all over your body. “What do you want me to do?”

Your other hand found his face. You traced his lips with your thumb, and you said, softly, “Come back to me.”

Jeonghan bent his head down to claim your lips in a sweet, slow kiss, and as you kissed him back, he whispered, “I don’t think I ever left.”

Yesterday | (a continuation of a scene from “Only Us”)

“Appa is just going outside for a moment. You be good here with Eomma, okay? I’ll be back at five to take you home.”

“You promise?” Jae Eun’s expectant eyes brightened up at your words. She had never had car rides with both of her parents with her. Jeonghan knew she would be happy if they all went home in one car.

“I promise.” Then he looked over at you once again before walking away and closing the door softly.

Jeonghan leaned against the door, sighing loudly. He had not slept well enough to function, and the emotional weight of everything that had happened—the show, the after-party, the accident—all of it took their toll on him. But he knew that he could not rest now. Not yet.

The thought of his most strenuous task for the day made him steel his resolve. He would go home first, shower and change clothes. Then he would proceed to where he must go for the day. He dutifully acknowledged the reporters who were waiting all around the hospital building with nods and small smiles and ignored the questions they shouted at him. It was a good thing that the hospital provided extra security for the floor where you were interred when he asked them for it.

He whipped up his phone and dialed a number.

“Hello. Yes, it’s me, Jeonghan. 1402. I’m heading out and I need you to be here to help with security. Yes. My wife and my daughter…Thank you very much.” My wife. He hung up immediately to answer another call. He was now at the parking lot.

“I’m waiting by your car,” came Seungcheol’s reassuring voice. “I’ll take you home.”

Jeonghan sighed in relief and waved at his friend just across the lot. “You are a lifesaver.”

“Hey, with all of us being such good boys, this is the only time I could get to fully exercise my role as a leader, taking care of my members.” Seungcheol hung up as he gave Jeonghan a brief hug before taking the keys from him. “Sleep. You’re gonna need it.”

“Yes, team leader,” Jeonghan said dryly, the sore muscles on his back relaxing as he seated himself on the plush car seat. He closed his eyes as Seungcheol started the car.

Minutes later, after stopping at a red light, Seungcheol spoke. “It’s only half past one. Plenty of time. Are you sure about what you’re going to do?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan was drifting off to sleep.

“Then I’ll come along, too. Maybe I can help persuade—”

“—I appreciate the gesture, but, no thanks. I need to do this by myself.” Jeonghan opened his eyes and glanced at his friend. “I’m the one who lost her. I’m the one who has to bring her back.”

Seungcheol nodded in understanding. “But I’ll come anyway. I’ll wait by your car and distract the reporters that might be crowding around.”

Jeonghan regarded his friend for a moment, before nodding. Seungcheol wasn’t asking. He was telling Jeonghan what he was going to do. “Okay.” Jeonghan turned away from Seungcheol then to sleep, but his mind was transported back to another time when Seungcheol simply did not sit by the sidelines and watch Jeonghan’s life come into a head.

He remembered the night of Jae Eun’s birth, the first month of his separation from you. He remembered how helpless he was, how broken he felt, until the Seungcheol and the members came to support him while he watched over you during those hours of labor. He remembered the tears spilling down from his eyes as he held Jae Eun for the first time.

And he remembered how every ounce of him that fought to keep you by his side surrendered to the pressure of the divorce. Looking at Jae Eun’s tiny face, and at the worried looks of the members as they crowded around Jeonghan, he knew that he would have to do everything to keep his little girl safe.

No matter what it cost him.

He remembered the car drive home, with you on the backseat, trying to sleep after the arduous childbirth. You had insisted on recuperating at home. He remembered your horrified, betrayed eyes when you stood at the threshold of a then-unfamiliar house, holding your baby. He remembered how weakly your knees struggled to keep you upright when he opened the door into a furnished parlor.

He remembered how you both just stood there, staring at each other.

“I won’t be far from here,” Jeonghan had said, his voice strained. “But I thought it was best if we move somewhere else.” His hands swayed on his sides. “Somewhere safer.”

Jae Eun had cried angrily in your arms as Jeonghan said these words. It was as if she knew what was happening between her parents.

Jeonghan had walked slowly towards you, and as gently as he could, pulled you and Jae Eun close for an embrace.

“Send me the papers tomorrow,” Jeonghan had said softly, his eyes unblinking as tears fell from them burrowing his face into your neck. “I will sign them.”

You didn’t say anything then, but when Jeonghan pulled away to look at you, all he could see was one emotion: you were tired.

And so was he.

The private proceedings of the divorce went on for another year. And on Jae Eun’s first birthday, she was already given to your custody, with visitation privileges for Jeonghan, who had the much busier schedule. The agency at that time did a better job of silencing any reports about the divorce. As far as everyone was concerned, your romance with Jeonghan was just another one of those relationships who crashed too fast. If only they knew how much it had cost you both.

Back then, Jeonghan had honestly thought that being separated from you legally was the best way to keep you and Jae Eun safe from the harshness of public spotlight and scrutiny. But now, four years later, seeing that these attacks against his family’s privacy were still being mounted by hungry reporters and angry people, he knew he had made a mistake by relenting to the pressure five years ago.

“What are you thinking about?” Seungcheol asked softly, eyeing Jeonghan carefully.

“Nothing much.” Jeonghan rubbed an aching temple and closed his eyes. “Just that I think I should have done things differently before. I should have seen that the divorce was not the answer. I feel so stupid.” Jeonghan leaned on the window.

“Whether it was a mistake or not, I still think what matters most is the reason why you did what you did.” Seungcheol tapped his fingers on the steering wheel lightly. “You wanted to protect your family. You wanted to solve the problems as best you could. But sometimes, you know, you solve the problems after a lot of trial-and-errors. The divorce was well-intentioned, but now that you see it did not work—don’t dwell on the fact that it might have been a mistake. Just try again.”

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol and smiled at him. “Thanks, Cheol.”

Seungcheol grinned. “Anytime. You taught me how to do pep talks, remember?” Both boys laughed as they thought of younger days. “By the way, does the bastard know that you’re coming to his office? I think it would be better if he knows.”

Jeonghan’s lips curled into a small smile. “He’d better know, because he made my daughter very, very unhappy last night.”

Seungcheol first drove Jeonghan home so he could get a quick shower and a change of clothes. The cameras in Jeonghan’s unit were still in place, but Seungcheol had managed to convince The Return of Superman’s producers to reschedule the continuation of Jeonghan and Jae Eun’s day the next week at the earliest. Jeonghan murmured another ‘thank you’ in his head for Cheol, who had always been very dependable and was always reaching out to help and support friends.

Thirty minutes later, they parked outside an impressive-looking edifice, an aesthetically designed one made with a mix of expensive wood, stone and marble. Jeonghan got out of the car, dressed in a semi-casual suit, holding a thin briefcase, hair rustling in the afternoon wind. He nodded at Seungcheol, who grinned at him and made a gesture with his hands that Jeonghan read as, “Call me.” Jeonghan nodded and walked towards the huge building.

The interior of the building was as impressive as the exterior, but more homey. Some wood with warmer tones were used for the gigantic bookshelves that lined the walls. A staircase leading to the second floor (where more bookshelves were lined up and people were getting on and off ladders to reach for different kinds of tomes) caught Jeonghan’s eye. He saw a man in deep perusal of one of your books.

The receptionist materialized from one of the doors behind the front desk, and her eyes widened when she saw Jeonghan. She immediately hurried over to take her place.

“What can I do for you, Sir?” she asked breathlessly. Jeonghan lazily took note of the blush in her cheeks.

Jeonghan looked at his watch. “I have a 2 o’clock meeting with your one of your board directors, Mr. Angelo Kang.”

“Let me patch you in with his secretary.”

Minutes later, Jeonghan made his way to the third floor, where the administrative offices of the XYZ Publishing Corporation would be found. He passed by doors with nameplates that introduced who was currently holding office there: various editors, assistant editors and the publishing house’s homegrown authors. He smiled briefly when he saw your name on one of the oak doors. Y/N, it said: editor-in-chief.

Finally, at the farthest wing of the room, the double doors to Angelo Kang’s office door were ajar. Jeonghan stepped in and waited for Angelo to look up from his desk. And when he did, Angelo’s face tightened.

“Mr. Yoon.” Angelo glanced at his laptop screen before turning guarded eyes to Jeonghan. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Your mistakes,” Jeonghan said slowly as he closed the door, “starting with hiring stalkers to follow my wife around.”

Present Day

“Why did you date him?”

Clothes were strewn around the floor of Jeonghan’s bedroom. You had gone with him to his penthouse to pick up some clothes but ended up taking yours off when Jeonghan told you that he wanted to make love to you on his bed, right that moment.

You had never been inside his place before. Amazingly, though, as you stared at Jeonghan while covered in sheets that should have felt unfamiliar, you felt like you were still somewhere you had known for a long time.

You looked up at him, at his questioning eyes.

“Would it make sense if I told you that when I went out with him, I was imagining that it was you with me?”

Jeonghan scoffed. “I’m way more handsome. Just look at our baby girl! Would we have beautiful Jae Eun if I looked the least bit like Angelo?”

“Stop being such a jealous guy.”

“Does he make love to you, too?” The jealous tone was back, and you slapped his chest.

“Stop. We would never!”

“You dated him, love. Of course there would come a time when you would have.”

You sighed. “It wasn’t that serious.”

“He proposed.”

“I didn’t know he would! We only went out for a couple of drinks and...dinner? That was it. I didn’t know it was that serious in his head.”

“But why?” Jeonghan pulled away, and you felt your body ache as he pulled away. “Why did you date him?”

You stared into Jeonghan’s eyes. “The calls never stopped coming through my phone.” You laughed an empty laugh. “I don’t know why they would always end up getting my number, no matter how many times I change it. Even the telephone...” You nestled onto Jeonghan’s chest and he took you in his arms, caressing your back as you continued.

“Jae Eun answered a call one Saturday. I had been showering when the call came so she was the one who answered it. We were sleeping together in my bedroom whenever you were on tour that took up Saturdays and Sundays. We planned to go to a shopping mall that day, and I was getting her ready but she didn’t want to go. Turns out that she had answered some woman’s call and she was terrified of the woman’s words, which, in effect, said that I would die if I stepped out of the house.

“I couldn’t get to work because Jae Eun wouldn’t let go of me or let me go outside the house for three days. Angelo was a new guy the board had recommended as director, and he had parents that ran a security company. I knew he liked me, so I steered clear from him. But when he offered to look into who kept calling and calling, I was so grateful. Especially when they found the culprits. I was really grateful.

“When he asked me to go out with him for drinks, I couldn’t refuse. And when he begged me to try dating him, no promises, I couldn’t shake off the memory of Jae Eun’s fearful eyes, looking at me and begging me to not go out of the house.

“I said yes because of that. But as two months passed and he was getting more and more anxious about our relationship, things started going south...he especially hated having you come around during Saturdays when you would pick up Jae Eun.”

“Maybe that was when he started having his men follow you around. He was anxious about me.”

“I think the proposal was his last-ditch effort to see if I was serious about him. I don’t know anymore what to think. I’m just glad that it has ended. That everything is starting to get back into place.” You looked back at Jeonghan. “I made a bad decision and now I regret it, because I was dating him out of gratitude, not out of love.” You leaned onto Jeonghan again. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for not being there for you and Jae Eun. If I had been there, this would never have happened. I didn’t know--”

“--stop.” You put a finger onto Jeonghan’s lips. “Let’s not get back into the past again. We both made really stupid decisions. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is us. Now.” You kissed him gently. “Here.”

You smiled as he kissed you, a tear escaping your eye. “I love you,” you said as his kisses went downward. “I love you.”

The Days After

“...of course, life wouldn’t be a bed of roses,” the counselor said as she wrapped up talking with you and Jeonghan. “You have to understand that you divorced for very serious reasons, life-threatening ones, in fact. It’s not going to be an easy choice to get back together. But if you are sure of your decision, and if you have concrete plans as to how to get on with your lives together, I see no reason why you should not take the risk. A very beautiful risk.”

You turned to look at Jeonghan, who was listening intently. It had been his idea that you get counseling the first few months.

“Like I told you, you have to take things slow. You have to blend love with a sound rationale so you wouldn’t always be up in the clouds. Invest in things together. Spend time with your daughter together...but don’t rush. Take your time. Admit it or not, many things have changed since you have been together.”

It was very good advice. The both of you had to admit that during the four years you had been separated, many things have changed. Things you didn’t like before, you suddenly have started to like. Simple things like how to make the bed, how to cook up an egg, sleep cycles...these things contrasted sharply with who you both were before and who you were now.

Jeonghan nodded slowly. He was holding his phone. You felt yours vibrate and as the marriage counselor kept on talking about taking things slow, you took a peek at the message.

[💋]: I agree with our counselor. Do I have to tell her how you would cry now everytime I get so good with you in bed?

Jeonghan smiled slyly when you suddenly coughed. The counselor looked over at you questioningly, but she continued.

“By the way, have you talked with your ex-boyfriend, Angelo?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

“Did the conversation end on good terms?”

You nodded again. “Yes.”

“Very good. You see, loose ends from a previous relationship could complicate a good marriage. I’m very glad that you ended things well with him.”

Your phone vibrated again.

[💋]: 🤨😐😑🙄

You bit back a smile and typed in response, Still jealous, I see.

A swift reply came.

[💋]: Am not. 🙃

You smiled.

The counselor knew what was going on. “Well, our session ends here now.” You both stood up from your seats as the counslor shook hands. “Best of luck. And, by the way…”

You both turned back to Counselor Kim.

“...you do know that it’s advisable to restart this relationship in the dating phase, right? Dinners, movies, quality time, but in separate houses and definitely no sex. Right? I think I’ve told you this many times.”

You loved Yoon Jeonghan in moments like this one. Especially when he replied, oh-so-innocently, “Of course, Counselor. Of course.”

“Thank you, Choi Seungcheol,” Jeonghan whispered as he watched a woman in a dark hoodie being ushered into a holding cell. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. This was long overdue.”

Shin Nara, a thirty-year-old vlogger who had been an extreme fan of SEVENTEEN, had finally been apprehended. Years ago, she had followed you inside a bathroom stall and had dashed your head against the wall. You were rendered unconscious and was hospitalized for a week. Nara had never been arrested because she was never found: CCTV footages were unavailable and the bathroom stall was empty of other women during the late hours of the night.

Amazingly, when The Return of Superman aired and your house was seen onscreen, she had managed to track you down again. She was one of the callers who would terrorize you until Jeonghan changed your residence after Jae Eun’s birth.

The security detail Jeonghan had hired to guard your house caught her lurking outside. She was taken into custody for stalking and the contents of her bag that were turned over to the police department confirmed through her journal and a saved photo of the bathroom stall incident five years ago that she was the one responsible for the crime.

As Jeonghan watched her being taken in, a bittersweet feeling took over him, stronger than anger, sadness and relief.

“Your family will be safe, Yoon Jeonghan,” Seungcheol said, wrapping an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder. “You will be safe.”

Yoon Jeonghan was always sweet and warm, in bed. He kissed like he had honey on his tongue, and he would touch you like you were a goddess he was honored enough to hold.

“Counselor Kim would be so disappointed,” you gasped as Jeonghan’s mouth kissed you on your left shoulder, untying the last strap of your sundress with his teeth. The thin material shimmied down your bare body, joined by your lacy underwear and Jeonghan’s clothes. He laid you gently on the bed, his warm, wet mouth making marks on the sensitive flesh between your breasts. Your hands wove through his hair as he kissed you. Hands took hold of your aroused breasts, kneading them on his hands as he started to kiss you down there.

You laid back, your eyes closing as his tongue did wonders on your body. He was noisy and his eyes would open every now and then, commanding you to look at him as he unraveled you like this.

There were times when you would pull him up and take him in your mouth, but this afternoon, he wanted you fast. He probably got triggered by the sex ban that Counselor Kim was trying to impose. You laughed and you arched back, opening your legs wide to welcome him as you felt him tease you, circling his rock-hard shaft around your entrance.

For a moment, he just stood there like that, making you crazy until you whispered, “Please, love?”

He smiled and slowly eased onto you, ripping you open, entering deeply that your eyes watered at the fullness. You clawed at the sheets as he eased in and out, slowly at first, and then faster, and faster, the gentleness replaced by slick, rough movements that made your hips arch up against each thrust, matching it with your own as he held you up to him, kissing you and kissing you, his rhythm going faster and faster. His mouth traveled from your lips to your breasts, until his gasps became labored and he held onto you.

As your walls tightened and tightened about him, you moaned, pulling him closer as his thrusts sped up. Your clawed at his back as he spilled his seed inside you, his mouth on yours, panting as you gave out a small cry when you came, tremors wracking your body at the experience.

“Marry me,” he whispered in your ear, as he bit your earlobe. “Marry me again.”

You pulled him close to you and whispered back, roughly, “I thought I already said yes to that last night.”

A knock on the door made you both jump up restlessly.

“Eomma? Appa?”

A few seconds of silence, and then the knock persisted.

“I’m hungry…”

Jeonghan laughed softly.

“We’ll talk later, love.” Jeonghan picked up his shirt. “We’re coming, Jae Eun-ah!”

Hello. My name is Jae Eun.

I am four years old, and I live in a pretty white house with large windows. I live with my eomma. My appa lives in another place, a tall building, taller than my house with Eomma. I feel happy sometimes that I could have two houses...but sometimes I feel sad, too.

My friends all live in one house. Their eomma and appa live in one house. Their eomma and appa kiss them goodnight every night. Eomma kisses me, too, I have to wait for Saturday to come so my appa can kiss me. Sometimes I wish I could just be Eunha’s or Soyoung’s or Yeseung’s unnie/noona, so I could live in a house where both eomma and appa could give me goodnight kisses.

But today I am not sad.

I am not sad because I saw Appa’s car when my teacher walked me outside. Eomma was there, too!!! We’ve never had car rides together before. It was always just me and Eomma, or just me and Appa. But today we are riding together!!!

I am wearing a blue dress Appa gave me and blue shoes that Eomma gave me. I don’t look over at Eunha anymore, who always went home with her Appa and Eomma. I don’t look at Seungjae anymore, who always makes his Appa and noona run after him--I no longer look at them.

Because Appa will be here to pick me up with Eomma, too!

Appa comes to see me almost everyday now, except when he has work. Soon, I will no longer live in two houses. I will only live in one house, and Appa, Eomma and I all live there together, because Appa is staying with us now. Soon, I will no longer live in two houses. Appa promised me and Eomma that we will live together from now on!

They kiss me goodnight, and we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We go to parks, we go to zoos, always together. Appa still leaves sometimes because of his work, but never for long. He promised to take me with him someday, so I can sing with my Cheollie-samchon and Seokmin-samchon and dance with Chan-samchon--I can’t wait to go! Appa is always handsome when he sings and dances.

Eomma is always with me now. She wants to write at home with me. She says she’s writing something about our family! She doesn’t cry at night anymore. But she’s sillier. She sometimes wakes up with Appa’s shirt! I told her not to because she doesn’t return it to poor Appa. We make pancakes together every morning, and she makes me yummy sandwiches and rice and corn soup to take to school.

Cameras still follow us around, but not that much anymore. Appa smiles a lot more, and we always laugh and play together, except when I am being too naughty. He still asks me whose baby I am and I still ask him whose appa he is, and the answer will always be the same! He promised me and it made me happy!

Appa and Eomma will always be with me now. I know that because I saw them wear rings around their necks that are the same and they said it means forever. I wanted to have one because it looks like magic! I always make sure they wear it because it means forever and I want them to be together forever.

Bye! Appa is waving at me now, and he wants me to run to him and give him a kiss.

We are going home.

TROS EPISODES | Ep. 1| Ep. 2 | after-party | Ep. 3 | only us | Ep. 4 | afterglow | Ep. 5

- Admin Leanne

#seventeen #svtcreations #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen smut #seventeen jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #The Return of Superman #caratwritersclub

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reluctant-fan-girl · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on 139 as an Ereri shipper

Buckle up for a long read and some unpopular opinions haha. Feel free to add on/ correct me but this is only how I feel so take it with a pinch of salt, I'm not asking anyone to change how they feel because we're all feeling some feels right now and your grief is valid. I just really wanna talk about the chapter before I go back to my Yaoi ship. (Forgive my grammar errors and all I wrote this at 5am and I'll probably come back and fix the spelling and stuff later today)

Thoughts on ch 139:

Well... here we are guys. The last chapter, it's been one hell of a ride and even though I have only been a part of the community for three years I'm still sad it ended. (Not to mention it finished 4 days before my birthday but that's just an extra oof) I keep seeing a lot of Mikasa hate and even though I used to despise her this chapter really got me thinking and damn, she's definitely one of the strongest characters (second to Levi at least in terms of resolve but hey I'm biased lol) she killed the person she loved, who pushed her away time and time again, and until the very end wanted to save him yet she was the one who ended it all. I doubt I could do that if my girlfriend was doing something similar... but I guess most people are like that. I admit, when I read the chapter at work I began crying in the break room, not because the ending caught me off guard, it was about what I was expecting, but I'm still sad Eren died. All this stuff was foreshadowed through especially the last few chapters and I kind of hopped into the manga around when Zeke blew Levi up, and even then... I feel like I knew this would be how it turned out some time last year? It was mostly predictable since this story, from it's inception, has done nothing but break the shonen stereotype time and time again and this was just the kind of ending that would shatter the mould and make it worthy of that moniker. Now am I happy that Eremika is canon? Not really, in fact not at all I'm mad. Although tbh it's not that I really expected a same sex, age gap relationship to be canon in mainstream manga, but this is what fan fiction is made for right? Besides as much as this manga has challenged or straight up ignored it's very obvious what the intended ship was going to be from the start. Even still the confession at the end by Eren is honestly OOC from most of everything else he's said/done and feels forced but, 🤷🏻‍♀️ like... the ending would have been better if Eren's feelings stayed vague so we could come to our own conclusion. If I had my way I'd have Eren confessing to Levi and they'd run off to live in secret but again... that isn't how it ended and I'm accepting that even if I don't like it. (Plus I can read/write a fanfic of a 'better' ending to make myself feel better) but I'm glad I stuck around for such a bitter sweet end.

Eren's character:

Now I love Eren as much as anyone else, but I see lots of people crying "character assassination" and I feel this personally isnt true at least not completely. We're all grieving right now and I know he was so cute and lovable at the start (hell in a way he still is) but this has always been his character. He is the one who most desperately yearns for freedom because feels trapped by his fate more than anyone else. The line "I felt like I had to and I let myself get caught up in the flow" is proof he *knows* he isn't free despite his father's reassurance, and his own repetition of the phrase. There's a common phenomenon with mantras or the practice of repeating something over and over in your head, the more you say it, *the less you believe it* and IMHO Eren never really felt free from the start. He knew his fate was sealed and he probably could have, no... *should* have acted differently yet he himself couldn't change what fate had in store. He just kept moving forward for no other reason than he wanted to save Mikasa, Armin, and his people. He (may have?) sacrificed Carla, not to serve as motivation, but so that he could save Armin later on by eating the Colossal titan instead of burning to death. It must have been a heart wrenching choice to make but he cares for his friends more than anyone else. He gave them a fighting chance and his death gave the alliance a good name so the world (or the 20% left of it) would see they aren't the same as him. Of course I'm thinking, "What if he had Dina free Carla or just let her eat Bert I mean Grisha probably would have passed on the Attack titan to Eren even if Carla had lived," but Armin very well could've died in another way or things could've turned out so much worse for everyone else. But even if Eren hates his choice I think something to note here is he doesn't seem to regret it, taking some of Levi's advice with him to the grave (quite literally) Plus you guys have to remember he died at 19 years old, that is *young* and I may only be a few years older but 18-21 is a huge period of change and you wont make the best choices, he's dealing with all that on top of the memories of the other titan holders, and the founding titan which I think really messed with him more than anything. He even says he only wants to live 10 more years ;-; the poor thing deserved a full life too even if his perception of time is warped and he never got a chance to become an adult.

The aftermath:

Well, everyone seems happy for the most part which is great! The one thing that I didn't expect was for the ending to be bitter sweet rather than total annihilation. Historia really does seem... fuck it I don't know and this is the part that bugs me most is she never really got the ending she deserved and felt kinda... forgotten? It's hard to tell but I think she ended up loving her child in the end... maybe... she's smiling while holding her... right? Levi is out beyond the walls and he may be wheelchair bound and half blind but he's still alive! Now this is honestly my saving grace here I mean god imagine him surviving a literal bomb only to die such a lame and pointless death in the last chapter. My boy made it through everything though and he's still got them dad vibes with Gabi and Falco which is kinds sweet... but I still hate Gabi. I still really hate Gabi, but it's nice to see that they're all somewhat okay. (Plus okay... Eren Canonically being reborn as a bird is kinda hilarious yet fitting since he got his freedom... Parasitic Jaeger haha good one Isayama.) Who knows if the war will ever end, heck Isayama himself said this is only the begining and while the fight goes on they have a chance thanks to Eren sacrificing himself the way he did. He could've made so many other choices and I don't know what could've/would've been better. Maybe Isayama knows but time travel and altering the past opens a whole ass can of worms that is just... like the killing your grandpa paradox kinda thing and if I were writing this story I wouldn't wanna try and deal with that either, especially after writing one story for eleven years.

(LEVI LIVED MY BEST BOI LIVED WHOOOO YESS 😭😭😭 ALL I COULD ASK FOR AHHH) *cough* sorry I had some crying fan girl in me that demanded to be seen too

Anyways this was just my thoughts for now, I may eventually write more and hell I'll probably go back to sweet sweet denial myself, posting contradictions because dammit I love my ereri too much and some people have good points or some posts are just funny in general. Have a good day, stay safe, and we are all in this together <3 Thanks for reading all the way if you did! (And here's a good meme to lighten the mood too)

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embrassemoi · 3 years

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(1/8) *inhales* *starts screaming like a howler* IT'S HAPPENING OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING! Honestly, you have no idea after how many times I checked tumblr after your sbtmas update post. I don't even know where to begin. Probably I should start with moony, right! When he took her flying and asked her to let go of her hands, it kind of reminded me of *that* scene from titanic but with stars and actual flying (sorry jack dawson but remus lupin is and always will be superior). It was just so, so

*inhales too and starts screaming back* HOLY - IT'S HAPPENING! AHHHHHH! REMUSSSSS! AHHHHHHHH - KEEP CALM !!!!!

Ah! now that you mention it, it also reminds me of that 'I'm flying' from titanic!

(2/8) beautiful. I cannot even begin listing everything I loved about that scene or else I would have to copy and paste the entire thing here. "But now, watching her glow, it dawned on Remus that he was holding the golden beam that threatened to paint the midnight sky gold." I mean- I probably read this three times because *screaming* HE'S IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR!!! Also I love, love, love the sun, moon and stars being used to represent mc, remus and sirius. It's kind of interesting sun is actually

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS 100% SCREAMING WHILE WRITING THAT ENTIRE SCENE LMFAO! I'm glad you liked it! It was definitely *so far* one of my favourite scenes to write

(3/8) a star so they are similar and belong together, but also the moon and sun are kind of opposites and opposites attract and complete each other. So both sirius and remus are good matches for her but have very diffrent dynamics... I don't know, I am probably overthinking again. But I just don't know who to ship her with at this point. And I don't think you are going to fast with their relationship, their relationship progressed so naturally and beautifully, especially since the beginning

Well when I was in the planning stages of figuring out what I wanted to really add in this fic, one of the first things that came to mind was taking advantage of the moon and star metaphors. it makes things so much more romantic / angsty and plus - they're there. what am I supposed to do - not use the absolute gold I have at my finger tips? (see what I did there)

and no! I always encourage predictions being made. some of my readers have been scarily accurate and it scares the fuck outta me but they're hilarious to read! Like I had one clever reader send in a prediction of what was going to happen and my jaw dropped. Spot on!

also for the MC and remus' relationship progressing - I had to cut out so m u c h because it really was too rushed. But don't worry, it'll be moved to other upcoming chapters!

(4/8) of the sixth year. Okay, I know this chapter was remus' time to shine but can we talk about sirius for a minute? The way he looked at with so much vulnerability in front of everyone. Couple of chapters ago he didn't even cast a spell at her during their duel and bowed in front of her. Considering how romantic feelings are foreign to him, it's crazy to see how much he grown to care for her in a short amount of time. I can't help but love their chemisty, even after everything that happend.

SIRIUS! darling... I feel awful. I can't wait to write his POV of how he's feeling sometime in the near future.

yeah, I was also trying to go for the intense guilt he feels about everything so :p I love torturing characters, don’t I?

(5/8) And there were so many little things in this chapter that made me so happy. McLaggen already started causing drama and I'm so here for it. Sybill celebrating her birthday. Matthew being the best friend ever (When gaplin family owl arrived, i though something happend to him and I was terrified). Lily finally talking to mc again! Regulus' extravagant gift! But being dramatic must be a Black family thing. I can't belive he got her a ring that practically screams "the noble and most ancient

McLaggen - stirring the pot. sly mother fucker haha!

Matthew made a little cameo! I love writing him :D!!!! I have a few things in store for his arch and ughhhh ahahahahah. and omg! no! If I was going to hurt Matthew, I wouldn't do It this early. (That sounds like a threat haha)

(6/8) house of black" while hiding their friendship. Somebody bound to connect the dots (sirius maybe?), right? And he's with his parents for "an event"? Very suspicious. P.S. Bc I'm not creative with names (like remus' parents) I was calling the bunny furry little problem the second or moony jr. in my head. And as for name... flopsy could be cute. I know it's very stereotypical but there was a children's book called "the tale of flopsy bunnies" and I feel like remus might have been familiar

Lmfao fucking Regulus - or really the black family - always one for the dramatic. I can't wait to *eventually* write more of dramatic ass Sirius.

I've also been referring to the bunny as 'furry little problem' in my head haha!

(7/8) with muggle children's books because of his mother and idk, naming a pet after a book character feels like something he would do. Also floppy and flops were some of the nicknames james used to call mc, so it could be cute (But owl bait is also a brilliant name as well). P.P.S. Can we talk about how after mc comes to his dorm for the "bunny time" (very cute btw) remus said something like "i feel like you're using me for my pet" and in one of the previous chapters mc told him he was using

- also I'm surprised you remember that part about James calling her 'Flops' ETC considering I only mentioned it briefly. Wow! And you're absolutely right, it would be such a cute call back to the MC!

I'm going to be running a 'poll' (idk if I should call it that) sometime within the next few days of a list of name suggestions I've gotten and let readers choose the name! and I'll totally add your suggestion to the list. love it!

(8/8) her for the casette player. I don't know if it was intentional but for some reason that made me laugh so hard. And seems like I talked way too much again thank you for this chapter and thank you for listening/reading my ramblings, I guess. *screaming stops* *howler rips itself into pieces* -🌸

It was intentional! I'm glad you caught on!

and thank you for rambling, as always I loved reading it! Made my week :D xx I wish you a wonderful day/evening 😊

#🌸 anon #sbtmas ask #📨 inbox

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roughrudesea · 3 years

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top 5 Shakespeare monologues?

I DESERVE THIS 😤

1. Richard II 3.2

No matter where; of comfort no man speak: Let’s talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs; Make dust our paper and with rainy eyes Write sorrow on the bosom of the earth, Let’s choose executors and talk of wills: And yet not so, for what can we bequeath Save our deposed bodies to the ground? Our lands, our lives and all are Bolingbroke’s, And nothing can we call our own but death And that small model of the barren earth Which serves as paste and cover to our bones. For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground And tell sad stories of the death of kings; How some have been deposed; some slain in war, Some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed; Some poison’d by their wives: some sleeping kill’d; All murder’d: for within the hollow crown That rounds the mortal temples of a king Keeps Death his court and there the antic sits, Scoffing his state and grinning at his pomp, Allowing him a breath, a little scene, To monarchize, be fear’d and kill with looks, Infusing him with self and vain conceit, As if this flesh which walls about our life, Were brass impregnable, and humour’d thus Comes at the last and with a little pin Bores through his castle wall, and farewell king! Cover your heads and mock not flesh and blood With solemn reverence: throw away respect, Tradition, form and ceremonious duty, For you have but mistook me all this while: I live with bread like you, feel want, Taste grief, need friends: subjected thus, How can you say to me, I am a king?

WHAT CAN I SAY. I heard a friend do this monologue in an acting class almost a decade ago and even with zero context, I thought about it for years. Finally reading the play only made me love it more.

2. The Tempest 5.1

Ye elves of hills, brooks, standing lakes and groves, And ye that on the sands with printless foot Do chase the ebbing Neptune and do fly him When he comes back; you demi-puppets that By moonshine do the green sour ringlets make, Whereof the ewe not bites, and you whose pastime Is to make midnight mushrooms, that rejoice To hear the solemn curfew; by whose aid, Weak masters though ye be, I have bedimm'd The noontide sun, call'd forth the mutinous winds, And 'twixt the green sea and the azured vault Set roaring war: to the dread rattling thunder Have I given fire and rifted Jove's stout oak With his own bolt; the strong-based promontory Have I made shake and by the spurs pluck'd up The pine and cedar: graves at my command Have waked their sleepers, oped, and let 'em forth By my so potent art. But this rough magic I here abjure, and, when I have required Some heavenly music, which even now I do, To work mine end upon their senses that This airy charm is for, I'll break my staff, Bury it certain fathoms in the earth, And deeper than did ever plummet sound I'll drown my book.

A solemn air and the best comforter To an unsettled fancy cure thy brains, Now useless, boil'd within thy skull! There stand, For you are spell-stopp'd. Holy Gonzalo, honourable man, Mine eyes, even sociable to the show of thine, Fall fellowly drops. The charm dissolves apace, And as the morning steals upon the night, Melting the darkness, so their rising senses Begin to chase the ignorant fumes that mantle Their clearer reason. O good Gonzalo, My true preserver, and a loyal sir To him you follow'st! I will pay thy graces Home both in word and deed. Most cruelly Didst thou, Alonso, use me and my daughter: Thy brother was a furtherer in the act. Thou art pinch'd fort now, Sebastian. Flesh and blood, You, brother mine, that entertain'd ambition, Expell'd remorse and nature; who, with Sebastian, Whose inward pinches therefore are most strong, Would here have kill'd your king; I do forgive thee, Unnatural though thou art. Their understanding Begins to swell, and the approaching tide Will shortly fill the reasonable shore That now lies foul and muddy. Not one of them That yet looks on me, or would know me Ariel, Fetch me the hat and rapier in my cell: I will discase me, and myself present As I was sometime Milan: quickly, spirit; Thou shalt ere long be free.

I’m honestly shocking myself slightly by not listing “We are such stuff,” but even thinking about this part of the play gives me chills. I love the journey Prospero goes on in this: watching him give up his magic and decide to forgive his former enemies is so engaging--and the language is completely unmatched.

3. The Tempest 4.1

You do look, my son, in a moved sort, As if you were dismay'd: be cheerful, sir. Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Ye all which it inherit, shall dissolve And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep. Sir, I am vex'd; Bear with my weakness; my, brain is troubled: Be not disturb'd with my infirmity: If you be pleased, retire into my cell And there repose: a turn or two I'll walk, To still my beating mind.

Okay I lied -- had to include “We are such stuff.” How could I not? I’m a Tempest and a Prospero stan. How could I NOT list this one when it is like *THE* iconic monologue?

4. Hamlet, 3.3

O, my offense is rank it smells to heaven; It hath the primal eldest curse upon't, A brother's murder. Pray can I not, Though inclination be as sharp as will: My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent; And, like a man to double business bound, I stand in pause where I shall first begin, And both neglect. What if this cursed hand Were thicker than itself with brother's blood, Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy But to confront the visage of offense? And what's in prayer but this two-fold force, To be forestalled ere we come to fall, Or pardon'd being down? Then I'll look up; My fault is past. But, O, what form of prayer Can serve my turn? 'Forgive me my foul murder'? That cannot be; since I am still possess'd Of those effects for which I did the murder, My crown, mine own ambition and my queen. May one be pardon'd and retain the offense? In the corrupted currents of this world Offense's gilded hand may shove by justice, And oft 'tis seen the wicked prize itself Buys out the law: but 'tis not so above; There is no shuffling, there the action lies In his true nature; and we ourselves compell'd, Even to the teeth and forehead of our faults, To give in evidence. What then? what rests? Try what repentance can: what can it not? Yet what can it when one can not repent? O wretched state! O bosom black as death! O limed soul, that, struggling to be free, Art more engaged! Help, angels! Make assay! Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart with strings of steel, Be soft as sinews of the newborn babe! All may be well.

3.3 is my favorite scene in Hamlet. I LOVE the tableau of Claudius praying, and Hamlet right behind him, ready to strike. Hamlet the character obviously has some incredible speeches, but this Claudius monologue is the one that always stands out to me: it is such a juicy glimpse into his inner psyche that is more carefully guarded for the rest of the play, and I love this moment (however brief) of unraveling.

5. Macbeth 5.5

She should have died hereafter; There would have been a time for such a word. To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

Forgive me for being so basic but I would really be lying to myself if I didn’t list this. Although this one, more than others, really depends on the actor. I have seen some renditions of this monologue I really do not jive with, but when it’s done well, it is top tier.

#shakespeare #richard ii #the tempest #hamlet #macbeth #whereforebase

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gimme-a-hand-scaevola · 3 years

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A review of the book The Rook by Daniel O’Malley that nobody ever asked for...

Ok so @chemcat92 recommended me this book and I listened to it on audiobook and I just... have a lot of thoughts. I haven’t read the sequel and I’m torn if I will. Having watched some AMVs of the show, it’s a hard pass. My review is going to be in three parts:

1. The plot

2. Wasted Potential - In General

3. Wasted Potential - Gestalt the Most Wasted Character Potential I’ve Read since Drizzt Do’Urden

Obviously spoilers under the cut.

Part 1: The Plot - i.e. I think Daniel discovered books four days before he started writing

Ok so... The plot of this book. It starts off STRONG I will give it that. Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a rainy part surrounded by bodies wearing latex gloves and no memories. She soon discovers her previous self lost her memories but because she was organized and knew it was coming, she has eased new Myfanwy’s transition. She gets to choose to stay in her life through letters and then we get an easy way to give flashbacks. Anyway this part RULES.

Honestly, the book starts strong as hell. Myfanwy discovers she has supernatural powers over people’s nervous systems and is a trained bureaucrat for a supernatural wing of the government. This all runs sort of like a combination of Heroes and Harry Potter in the best way possible. And here is where we find the strongest part of the book: the superpowers.

We don’t have to look that far to find Heroes type shows or books where everyone has a special ability, so if you’re going to go that route, you’ve gotta bring it. And honestly, Daniel brings it. They powers are cool as hell, they’re inventive, they’re well bounded. I felt like I understood what people’s powers and limitations were. We were in a land with magic, but it never felt cheap. This is going to dovetail into my absolute RANT about Gestalt but give me a sec to get there.

Ok. So honestly I don’t even have any complaints until the third act. Act one gives us the set up, act two introduced the big bad the Grafters and so far so good. We’ve got good but elitist supernatural guys vs. bad but more egalitarian supernatural guys. We also know that it was someone in the supernatural org (it has a name but the name is so stupid I can’t spell it) that betrayed our protag and stole her memories and they’re still around and teamed up with the evil Grafters. Intrigue?? Don’t know who to trust???? Love it.

For some reason everyone is either old, or hot, or so inhuman it’s viscerally horrifying. Love this touch. Eleanor from the Good Place taught us that it’s totally free to imagine everyone in a story as super hot. And it is. So they’re all super hot. Love it. Good commitment, Daniel.

But then we get to Act three. So, this was a big swing on ol Danny’s part because a lot of the effect of this had to do with carrying out mystery. We’d built a lot of tension on the suspense Who Betrayed Myfanwy. So obviously it’s really important for me to be surprised or at least satisfied with who this is. (As an aside, I would have been ok with guessing correctly, I definitely don’t subscribe to surprise trumping cohesive plot). Ok. With that on paper... like... holy shit. What a stupid “reveal.”

So in part 1, like the first scene we get of old Myfanwy’s letters giving us context, she says that her apartment at work was inherited from a dude Conrad something that got promoted. And then she says it’s super badly decorated, and later we see it and this shit is straight out of Austin Powers, mirror over a round bed, The Whole Shebang. But she also says that this guy who otherwise is supposed to be very smooth and charismatic like... asks her about the decor.... every time they interact. Every Time They Interact. The second this was mentioned (WHICH IS AFTER WE KNOW SHE WAS BETRAYED) I'm like “oh ok so this guy bugged her room he’s the villain” and I only wasn’t sure because it was WAY too obvious.

But no. He’s the villain. He has a big reveal where he’s like “AND I BUGGED YOUR ROOM” and I'm like... well... yeah. Of course you did. But here’s the thing tho... Myfanwy’s like... WHOLE ASS JOB is planning covert ops. So... is she good at her job??? IS SHE????

But we also don’t actually show how characters are based on their actions, we are just told how they are. But we will circle back to that in the Gestalt part. That’s honestly the sum of my rant about the plot. It was nothing. It put all its eggs in the basket of the worst most boring reveal of all time. Daniel, I think you might just be boring.

Part 2: Wasted Potential - Everything but Gestalt who gets a special part to themselves.

The big sin of this book might just be too many good ideas. There’s a lot of characters, they all do cool stuff, but we have like 200 pages, so there wasn’t enough time to do anything with all these guys. I got lost about who was who like 80 times because they’re basically all sneaky hot magic guys. One of them smokes and is a soldier and he seems chill.

There’s a vampire and he gets a scene and a long intro that reads more like a wiki page. Like it was interesting but you would have lost NOTHING cutting him as a character except that he was cool. You never ever believe that he was the bad guy because it’s super well established in the Certified Back Story that he could give two shits about the politics of the humans. He’s there bc he’s an adorably young vampire who is very curious so his dad set him up as a powerful government agent as though it was enrolling him in a prep school. Love it, but again, we don’t.... need him around.

There’s a lady who can walk through dreams and I thought she was going to be important based on the fanfare of her introduction but then we forget about her basically entirely.

There’s a whole American wing that we also only see anything interesting about in side story. Basically the world building is really good. Like pretty superb to be honest. But it’s bracketing a story that is nothing so it makes even good characters seems really random. And that bring us to:

Part 3: My Darling, Gestalt. My Type. My Weakness. What a Sad Little Thing You Are (Also misogyny)

Alright... if the rest of this review wasn’t salty enough for you... let the salt begin. Gestalt. So named because of the word meaning larger than the sum of its parts. And so they were destined to be. And so they were most definitely not. So Gestalt’s whole thing is that they are one consciousness with four bodies. They can either control one body at a time and sort of shut the others down or they can control them all at once but that becomes harder if one of them requires more attention than another, like if one is in a fight.

Two twins (men), one fraternal brother, and a sister. If anyone is thinking “uhoh, only one girl, hmm can Daniel handle that? Seems like maybe some Smurfette style misogyny-lite is coming,” you would be wrong. Super wrong. Because it is not misogyny-lite. It’s aggressive Fight-Me-In-A-Perkins-Parking-Lot misogyny. So go fuck yourself, Dan.

Alright, so to number Gestalt’s sins.

1. Scrape off some of that intro mustard.

They’re introduced in the LONGEST fucking passage I’ve ever read telling me that this dude is hard to talk to and weird. Like, I’m in an urban fantasy book already, I'm all set. Also... bitch SHOW ME they’re weird. Like can I see some interactions that give me second hand embarrassment??? No. It is actually never uncomfortable to talk to Gestalt. I only know that because people are super fucking rude about them. But it is never earned. So I don’t feel sympathy when people are like “Oh noooo you have to spend a car ride with Gestalt? Ewwwww sorry.” I’m just like, “What’s your fucking problem? They seem fine.”

2. They’re supposed to be Bad At Planning but when??

Alright so there ARE times they’re bad at planning and we will GET TO THAT. But it’s only post-reveal like... what we are told during a monologue that they were dumb as shit. And that wasn’t even like not being good w/ details like it’s implied they are, it’s literally like doing dumb ass stuff. And it felt more like my bud Dan didn’t have a good handle on why stuff was dumb as rain than Gestalt being silly.

Also.... this is a stupid use of this sort of character. They’re dumb and bad at planning??? THEY’RE A JOINT CONSCIOUSNESS why would you waste that making them “Good at kicking ass.” ugh. Fine.

3. They get sidelined IMMEDIATELY

So a guy named Pumice Stone or Kettle or Lil boy Bad At This or something outs that Gestalt is working with the Grafters because he like.... wasn’t paying attention. It was boring. But anyway so they capture two of the bodies and then stop addressing Gestalt until the end. They have one weird scene where the protagonist like.... freaks them out but ok. Fine. Why is Gestalt so Yelly. Why are so many villains in this book yelly. Ew.

4. The REVEAL MONOLOGUE.

I know this is a long ass review already. But my Feelings Must be Heard. So in the end when Conrad surprises no one but “smart” Myfanwy that he was the bad guy, we also get a reveal from the surviving Gestalt bodies that:

a. There’s an incest baby

b. They’re afraid of death

c. They’re so phenomenally stupid I have lost all interest in them

So... this is where the misogyny comes in. I’ll note here that the only time we interact w/ Eliza, the special girl body, is when she takes a carried to Hogwarts the super secret magic school with Myfanwy and she doesn’t do anything except we get the internal note that she’s like... gained weight. This is the misogyny-lite we expect. (And no, Dan, you don't get any points bc a female character is the only pleased she got pudgy bc YOU wrote the female character so we’re all set there.)

And then we discover that the weird blonde (lol oh yeah they’re all hot blondes) baby that Conrad “Evil Austin Powers” British-Last-Name has with his weird wife is actually a Gestalt body that Eliza had after she boned down with her other body who is genetically a brother and consciously herself.

K. Ok. I have. Ok. Alright. Daniel. Ok.

SUBPART A: My Feelings about Gestalt: Oh Eliza, my darling, my dear, would that I could bring you Justice

So after Eliza is shot dead one of the interchangeable boy bodies of Gestalt yells at Myfanwy about how terrible that is bc it was the only body who could bear children so now THE HORROR they’ll die.

For god’s fucking sake Daniel O’Malley. What the fuck is your goddamn problem. You LITERALLY wrote a Smurfette Syndrome character who is only important because she can have babies. She is literally just there to be a baby-box. What the fuck. Get fucking wrecked. Thank GOD Starz cut your program and fuck the Aurealis Awards for giving you an award for this fucking book. But they’re a sci-fi award so this is probably super progressive for them. I was pleasantly annoyed by the basic nature of this book until this part. Now I am just done with your content. This was more overtly sexist that Supernatural. So... real swing and a miss.

ANYWAY FORTUNATELY this opens a whole new can of worms that I get to ruthlessly mock certified Basic Bitch Daniel O’Malley for.

SubPart 2: Gestalt Raises Interesting Philosophical Questions Daniel Isn’t Smart Enough to Address

So, remember, I would have cut this dude more slack if he didn’t do that to Eliza. Gestalt, to be honest, this whole review is dedicated to what you Could Have Been.

Interesting Questions or Comments We Could Have Asked:

Does having a baby being one of five of your bodies affect your consciousness? That thing doesn’t have object permanence? Is there like an intellectual cost to having another baby body? No, we don’t care. I think we just had there be a baby bc “Weird sister-sex” was as interesting as Daniel could get. Side Note: The obvious question of “lol haha lol is it incest or mAsTurBation is not going to be addressed here bc it is literally too boring to consider)

Does having a body who textually is said to have post-partum depression affect your joint consciousness? If not, why bring it up?? Bc she has “weird lady disease” is that why???

Are they....afraid of death????? Why didn’t you ever bring this up? Why have they showed only excitement at the prospect of very dangerous fights up to this point? Why are all four bodies in the field.

WHY ARE ALL FOUR BODIES IN THE FIELD. Ok so here is one of those points that is definitely stupid but stupid in a dumb as dirt way. If you were afraid to lose your baby-box body, why would you send her into battle?

Why didn’t they freeze a bunch of her eggs? In fact, why did she bear it at all? Why put your one female body that you only want for babies through that sort of danger? Canonically they all get paid an absurd amount and Gestalt is paid for each body, they can afford a surrogate.

Why let a weird dude who is at best contemptuous of you raise your baby body? Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Doesn’t that give him a huge amount of leverage over you?

Is the quality fo Gestalt’s form destined to decline if genetically they can only make more bodies by full genetic sibling offspring? Does that scare them? Again... does their physical brain affect their consciousness?

If so... maybe that would be a good reason for them to want to join up with the Grafters who are way ahead in genetic research and engineering.

ANYWAY Gestalt is sexist as shit and boring as hell and had SO MUCH WEIRD POTENTIAL.

In summary: It was definitely fun but Fuck you, Daniel O’Malley

#the rook #Daniel O'Malley #Myfanwy Thomas #Gestalt #Book review #the rook starz

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soundsaboutrighttumblr · 4 years

Text

Cool Boy - ramking fic

Read at AO3

Summary:

My take on what happens after season one’s final episode for them. Ram’s POV.

Texting. Then meeting back at the condo.

Also, this song put me in the mood: youtube.com/watch?v=CCPqEEC8J_0 Josh Rabenold's cover of Ocean Eyes

---

I’m sorry

---

By late afternoon, Ram is back at the condo.

The washing machine’s been loaded with the trip’s laundry, and his tooth brush has been put back into its holder. The plants needing water have been cared for. Feeling modestly accomplished and a tad less restless Ram takes to the couch, swiping through pictures of the last two days that his friends have kept sending to him. Mostly because he knows he’ll come across and stop at that one.

He opens the tab with King’s messages. Just in case he didn’t hear the notification. But this morning’s sent text still sits unanswered.

I wasn’t drunk last night.

Ram deliberates sending King the photo. But Ting already might have. For sure she did. He’s about to get up for something to drink, when suddenly his eyes are drawn to movement, and the typing bubble pops up in the corner. If Ram sits up straighter for it, no one is there with him to judge him for it. The notification sounds off in his hand.

Thanthep King: I’m sorry

Ram stares at it. He doesn’t want it to, but it feels like a punch to the gut somehow. A damper on his careful, hopeful waiting. He’s been telling himself to keep his worrying in check, tells himself the same thing now. What is King saying? I am sorry I can’t do this?

Ram waits. A long minute. Two.

Thanthep King: I shouldn’t have shouted at you like this

More typing.

Thanthep King: Or pushed you

Ram breathes out slowly. Texts back:

It’s okay

Thanthep King: I am 80 percent sure I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t been drunk…

Ram feels the corner of his mouth tick up. It’s only half a smile. He types:

I know

The dots in the upper corner keep moving. But no more messages come through.

Ram waits.

---

Ram knows King’s plan was to stay the night at his grandma’s house, and drive home after lunch the next day. King can take a car that his grandma’s gardeners will collect on their next errant in the city. They’ve done it before, apparently. It’s almost a two-hour drive, so Ram first expected King back around afternoon.

He took the dogs out for a long walk around midday, but left them at Duen’s parents’ for a few more nights with a heavy heart. Daoheni cares for them with that special possessive brand of generosity only a child can muster, and they have a big garden for them to play in, so he supposes it’s okay.

It's starting to get dark outside.

Ram’s trying to watch a tech documentary that one of their teachers recommended, but he keeps pausing and switching tabs because he can’t seem to concentrate. He’s halfway across the room to check their stock of cold drinks in the fridge, when he hears rustling at the entrance. So once the door opens, Ram kind of just stands there.

King’s eyes flick over to him, but then he turns around to bring in his bags. Ram reaches for a glass on the counter, to have something to do, but he waits. Fills it at the tab. Then sets it down again. King glances at him once more, shuffling off his shoes, but then he skips down, crouching to address some of his plants on the lower levels of his shelf:

“Hello, hello, I am back at last, did you guys miss me?” His voice trails off at the end, but he coughs and touches two of the succulents in passing, his tone light: “Have you grown? I have only been gone for three days…” He runs his fingertips along several of the long, hanging leaves, but his movements are erratic, like he is unsure how many more plants he can greet before he has to face Ram.

Then he stands and turns to Ram with the same bright quality of voice:

“Hey.”

Ram brings his chin up in a careful smile he isn’t sure makes it all the way to his lips.

King’s head is tilted in that observing way, apprehensive almost, with eyes that are tiny bit too wide. He looks oddly vulnerable in the hallway of his own apartment.

“Have you eaten?”

Ram nods. Ignores how his heart wants to beat out of his chest.

“I’ve brought so many leftovers from at my grandma’s. It’s like a week’s worth of Tupperware…” He half-laughs and gestures to bag he left next to entrance.

Ram nods again. Takes a step closer to King. He’s not so sure why. He just wants King to look at him, not in that furtive way, but really look at him, so that Ram can see, and so that he can let King know.

He doesn’t know why it feels so strangely urgent, maybe it’s the day of waiting, or the dismissive lightness of King’s voice.

King’s forefinger and thumb rub against each other, and there’s that slope to his neck again, but at least he doesn’t take a step back. His eyes are ever assertive, still glancing, but he has turned his body towards Ram nonetheless.

Ram knows that any inch more will bring him inside King’s space, and he doesn’t want to be invasive, but he wants to be there.

“I think I should put them in the fridge…”

Ram reaches for King’s hand. Puts his fingers around his forearm, stopping him in his motion to go for his bag. King stills. Ram just tightens his grip once, an impulse, a signal, then he makes the circle of his fingers gentle, loose but there, and his thumb draws a caress along King’s skin.

He thinks he feels King shiver. Then King looks at him. The flicker is in his eyes as well.

“Ai’Ning…”

“Why?“

King blinks, a question in the lift of his brows; in the part of his lips. He looks caught and chased and puzzled and knowing at the same time.

“What changed?” Ram’s voice is low even to his own ears. Pleading. And somehow he doesn’t even mean since the text he sent yesterday morning, not since the time they last saw each other, doesn’t mean since the kiss… he somehow means what has changed since that time you put that flower in my hair and told me I’d always be welcome around you. And he wishes he could make King understand what he means. Don’t you want this? Didn't you say you do?

Ram has brought King’s arm in his hand up to their chests, their feet stepping in between each other’s, barefoot toes almost touching. King’s face is so close to his that everything else around him blurs.

Ram sees him trying to make sense, behind those clever eyes, watches his mouth open and close, and open. Huffed bouts of breath trickle along his neck, before King’s voice carries:

“I don’t want to hurt you, and even more, in a stupid way like this!” There’s force behind King’s words at first, but then it stumbles, peters out. “…and, honestly, all it needed was some alcohol, and I was hurting you.”

He swallows, a hitch like a dry laugh to his voice. His eyes are so wide.

“I don’t think… I think I am actually really not good at this?"

A skipped breath, a missed heartbeat.

"I don’t know what I am doing? You deserve-”

Ram seals his lips to King’s open mouth mid-word.

----

He doesn’t even move fast. It's like he’s carried along, inside a shore-bound wave the tide pulled in.

----

King’s eyes flutter closed in reflex, but Ram’s linger. He has to know King is okay. With this.

A sound like pain leaves king's throat, breath pushing out through his nose.

But he stays.

So, Ram kisses him as slow and gentle as he dares, empathically so. His own heart loud and high and wild in his chest.

King’s lips taste different today, with no trace of whiskey. His mouth feels softer, and there is gentle give. It pushes Ram into a rush like sudden falling.

When King shifts his weight from one foot to the other one in between Ram’s stance, Ram keeps him close just by the yielding angle of his mouth.

He brings one hand up to King’s neck, the other lost somewhere in the fabric of King’s shirt. King’s fingers hold fast onto the sides of Ram’s sweater.

When the first kiss stops, King is still almost vibrating inside of Ram’s embrace, breath shaking, although his forehead leans lightly to touch Ram’s.

But it feels like getting there. Somewhere. Better.

Ram decides and searches King's lips again, unhurried as before. King makes a soft sound of surprise and welcome.

And Ram is kissed back. Was before, too, but now it is in every way King’s body makes contact with his, drawing him in, gaining steady momentum.

---

When they pull back for air, just slightly, cheeks and noses keep touching, still nudging, grazing against each other.

This time King’s hand has found its way to the neckline of Ram’s sweater, loosely clinging there. His fingertips draw tiny caresses into Ram’s collar bone, and Ram is reminded of the way King has greeted his plant just earlier, and all those times before: subtle touches, checking up and reconnecting and exploring, and he feels lighter. Despite it all, everything feels lighter.

King’s voice is warm and slightly cracked against Ram’s neck:

“You are… important.”

Ram isn’t sure he gets everything King wants to tell him with those words right now. But he understands the implied ‘to me’.

He nods against King’s shoulder.

As close as they are, it’s just a shifting of their weight, really, to pull each other deeper into their arms.

Notes:

Did I get up yesterday night after already going to bed to write the rough draft of this until 3 am on a work day? Maybe.

Shout at me? Lemme know what you think? <3

Also thank you to @electricunicorn5678 for helping out with the spelling of Ai'Ning <3

#ramking #fic #after season 1 #kingram #feels #kinda angsty at firts but intense later i guess #possibly kisses so yeah

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damienthepious · 4 years

Text

i’m not going to apologize for this angst but i am going to say that it has been being built towards for a while and like, it was bound to happen, tbh. tho i am sorry about who precisely gets the worst of it, this chapter. Whoops. anyway happy (?) lizard kissin!

Going Through Changes, Ripping Out Pages (chapter 7)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ch 5] [ch 6] [ao3] [ch 8] [ch 9] [ch 10] [???]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, (uhhhhh sorta), Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, (WE WILL GET THERE…… EVENTUALLY)

Summary: Lord Arum wakes to discover that some things have changed while he slept. Namely, there is a human in his bed.

Chapter Summary: No solutions yet, but it's the dead of night, they are exhausted, and at least one of them is attempting to be responsible with their health right now.

Chapter Notes: This one feels pretty heavy. Is it weird for me to admit that I cried a few different times writing this? Anyway. Take care of yourselves, I love you.

Damien swims back to awareness with a rustle of paper and a deep, familiar sigh.

He blinks, stretching his arms above his head with a gasp, and when he sees glossy scales through his bleary blinking he nearly reaches without a second thought-

Nearly. He remembers in time enough to make the motion look only as if it is part of the stretch.

Arum stares at him from a nearby seat, setting aside the books he is holding.

"Kind of you to rejoin us, little knight," he murmurs, his tone blank.

He looks- exhausted, Damien realizes. When he glances to Rilla she doesn't look up from her own reading, though she does quirk her lips into a strained smile, acknowledging him despite her focus. She looks just as harried as the monster, if not more so, a concerning tension in every muscle of her frame.

"How long was I… how late is it?" he asks quietly, and Arum squints for a moment before the Keep gives a gentle answer and the monster frowns more deeply. "Far too late, I think," Damien continues, his suspicions confirmed more by Arum's expression than his dubious understanding of the Keep.

"We've hit a few- a few walls," Rilla says, and her voice is muted and clipped as she lifts a hand to rub at one of her eyes, "but we've been making progress. Got a few hypotheses to test out."

"Bed," Damien says, his voice inarguable. "It's long past time you rested. Your hypotheses will keep until tomorrow, unlike the pair of you."

Rilla sets her jaw for only half a second before her shoulders slump and she nods absently. She sighs, closing the book in front of her. She stands and when Damien steps up beside her she reaches for his hand, and then she glances towards their monster.

"I don't expect we'll be sharing a room tonight," she says, an unexpected brittleness beneath the words, and when Arum blinks Rilla continues quickly. "The Keep should still have my old room tucked away somewhere, anyway. We've done enough tonight that I think we'll be able to make progress with fresh minds in the morning."

"You wish for us to stop working now? We have theories, we could attempt to implement any number of-"

"The last time you ran yourself too ragged you nearly killed yourself and the Keep," Rilla snaps, squeezing Damien's hand almost too hard. "And I don't know about you, Arum, but me? I know for a fact that we're not going to stumble into the right answer on the first try, and I'm way too exhausted to handle another failure right now. If you wanna keep working until you hurt yourself, I can't stop you, but if you want to keep working on this together then you're gonna have to just listen to us and we'll test more theories in the morning."

“But- I-” Arum's jaw clenches, teeth bared, but he looks away from them and after a long moment he sighs, nodding a concession. "Very well. Keep, do you know the room she is referring to?"

The Keep sings a soft reply, pulling out a door, and Rilla's hand tightens on Damien's again, her lips pressing tight together.

"In the morning, then," Arum says, quiet and stilted, and then he gives a very slight bow. "Rest well, humans."

He stares at them for another moment, and then he turns, and the Keep presents him another doorway.

Arum slips through, and then he disappears into the bedroom that should belong to the three of them together.

When the Keep closes the portal behind them, Rilla and Damien don't go to bed immediately. They stand just inside the room and Damien holds his arms open and Rilla sags and flings her arms around him and they just- hold each other, clinging tight for a long time. Feels like minutes, possibly into the double digits, but Rilla's brain is going a little hot and fuzzy at the edges so she can't really trust that her sense of time is working just now. Doesn't matter anyway.

Eventually Damien sighs and loosens his grip, leaning back enough to reach up and brush away the hair that's come loose from her braid, his knuckles soft against her temple, and while his hand is in range she tilts her head to kiss his wrist. He breathes a laugh, his smile going so warm and delighted, and Rilla loves him so fucking fiercely, loves that he can find wonder and joy even at the end of a day like this- loves that he can find it in her, even when she feels-

Even when she feels like well-crumpled trash, honestly.

They undress without speaking, and when they crawl into bed Damien tangles their legs together, tangles their hands together between them, ducking his forehead close against hers and humming lightly as he closes his eyes.

"I feel I should apologize," he says gently, his thumb stroking slowly up and down the back of her hand. "I did not mean to sleep, to leave you to contend with this situation alone yet again-"

"It's fine, Damien." She shakes her head, sighing. "It's probably better that you got some rest. And- and I think he feels less threatened when he only has to deal with one of us at a time, anyway."

"Hm," Damien says, a frown tugging at his lip. "Still. I am glad, at least, that you've come upon some ideas, even if none managed to break the spell quite yet."

Rilla swallows roughly, thinking of how stiff and uncertain Arum's hands felt when they took her own, after their failed kiss. "It's not gonna be an easy spell to break, I don't think," she manages in a whisper, and Damien sighs.

"Perhaps not. But… I believe in you," he says, his forehead pressing against her own, his hands interlocking with her own. "I believe in us, my love. My fear is so very small a thing, when measured beside my love for the both of you, my faith in your brilliance. I believe in you, my Rilla."

Rilla-

It's like glass breaking. The moment the first crack shows, the integrity of the entire facade fails. Shatters. She covers her face with both hands, pressing back against the tears that come as her breath cuts off in ragged little gasps. Damien makes a small surprised noise before he curls his arms around her, gathering her against his chest.

"Oh, oh my flower, oh-"

"I don't know what I'm doing," she chokes as Damien lightly kisses her hair, the pads of his fingers rubbing small soothing circles into her back. "I don't- I don't know if we- what if he never remembers, Damien? What if he's just- gone? We barely even know wh-what happened, not for sure, and if we don't know what the curse is, how can we fix- how can we-"

"Rilla, oh love-"

"Even if we convinced him of the truth it doesn't give him back- it doesn't give any of us back the time we lost! He doesn't remember meeting us, he doesn't remember- we convinced him that we aren't lying but what does that m-matter if he doesn't-"

"Breathe," Damien says, and Rilla tries but every time she tries to slow down her breathing her throat catches sharp and she ends up gasping and choking instead. It hurts, her throat, her eyes, her lungs, and she doesn't know how to make it stop .

"Maybe he falls in love with us again but he doesn't- he didn't- is he even the same Arum that we loved before, then? Is it still him, or- or is this some new Arum and the monster we fell in love with is just- gone? All those little bits of time, all- all the talks and- and the moments of realization and- and- he doesn't know, he can't know how-"

Damien makes a gentle hushing noise, his palms still pressing sturdy into her shoulders beneath the sheets, and she clings to him, curling tight. "We don't know that this is permanent, love. We just don't know. I'm frightened too, but- we cannot give in to despair."

"I thought- I thought if we could remind h-him maybe it would trigger- maybe it would pull something back out but- but nothing is working and he doesn't have the first hint of a memory and I feel so-"

"Rilla-"

"Useless! I'm just useless and the way he looks at us makes me want to scream and I just want him back. I want him back and I don't know how. I should- I should know! I should be able to fix this, I just-"

"It's alright, Rilla, it's-"

"It's not, Damien, it's not alright and I don't know h-how to make it alright again and I-"

"It's alright to feel this way," he insists, and his arms around her squeeze. "You need not always hold yourself so stiffly, my love. It is unfair to expect yourself never to crack. You are allowed to feel this. You are hurting just as I am, scared as I am, and you should not try to bury those feelings for my sake and for his-"

"I- Damien I should- I should be able to fix this, it's my job to know how to fix- why can't I- why can't- Damien I hate not knowing what to do-"

"I know," he murmurs, holding her close and pressing a kiss to her hair. "I know, love. But that does not mean that you are useless, Rilla."

"I feel useless. I feel stupid, Damien, I'm so fucking desperate that I let myself believe that some fairy tale magic was going to work and all it did was make me feel like- like I was kissing the wrong monster and- and like I was betraying- betraying Arum, our Arum-"

"A kiss," Damien murmurs, and Rilla wants to scream for the note of sadness in his voice. He's smart enough- of course he knows exactly what that kiss would be meant to do, and clearly it didn't work. He squeezes her again, sighing into her hair. "I am so, so sorry, my love."

"Sorry for what, Damien? That I let myself fall for some magic potion bullshit when I should have been focusing on real solutions? That I can't shake the feeling that maybe I just wanted to kiss him one last time in case we never fix this-" her throat tightens, her breath shuddering as her tone wobbles out of her own control, "and what if that's why it didn't work? I didn't do it right, didn't say the right things, didn't- or- or if it's a true love thing, what if I'm just not- not-"

"Oh, Rilla-"

"Not enough, or- or maybe it would only work if we were both monsters, or-"

"Speculation without data is unhelpful at best," Damien says dutifully, and Rilla gusts a breath against his shoulder, almost a laugh, surprised to hear her own words echoed back to her. "We simply do not know, and you are only hurting your own heart by saying and thinking such things. You hoped, and that hope did not bear out. You cannot judge yourself lacking for this. You cannot judge yourself useless or - Saints forbid - stupid. Nothing in the world could possibly be further from the truth. Certainly you know that, deep down."

Rilla sags in his arms, her nose pressing against the side of his neck, her cheeks wet enough that she knows she must be crying on him too. "I'm just- it's only been a day and I'm already- I don't know how to do this, Damien. I don't-"

"Is all this- noise really necessary?"

Rilla jolts, inhaling sharply, but hearing Arum still sounding so distant and uncomfortable makes the ache in her chest even worse , makes the uncontrolled hitching of her breath even harder to push down, and she buries her face against Damien's collarbone, trying to stifle as much of it as she can.

"We did not mean to wake you," Damien says quietly, and Rilla shakes in his arms, clenching her jaw tight and squeezing her eyes closed to try to control the tears.

"I was not sleeping," Arum grumbles, unmoving in the threshold of his summoned portal , his claws curling awkwardly against the vines. "Cannot seem to…" he shakes his head. "You are not- injured, correct?"

"No," Damien says, stroking Rilla's hair as she presses against him and tries to breathe more normally. "No, Lord Arum. It has simply been… emotionally taxing, for the both of us."

"I… suppose… I suppose that is to be… expected," he mutters, looking away, and then his eyes flick back towards them again, the uncertainty on his face so clear that he may as well be screaming it. "I… are you…" he pauses, then looks away again with his claws flexing awkwardly. "Are you having difficulty finding sleep, then?"

Rilla clenches her teeth tighter, hisses between them at the stupidity of the question because of course-

"Unfortunately, yes, Lord Arum," Damien says, far more gently, one of his hands still drawing through her hair, and she presses her forehead against his shoulder harder. "And you as well?"

"I-" Arum snaps his teeth together, sighs, and looks down at the ground. "Cannot seem to… it is too cold, tonight, I think," he mutters. He pauses in the doorway, one hand clutched on the frame, clearly tense, his tongue flicking anxiously before he continues. "We-" he pauses again, barely managing the entire word before he has to look away again. "You implied- S- Damien. You implied that we- we rest, together?"

"Most nights, when we can," Damien says, his tone very carefully neutral though Rilla can feel the way he deflates at the question, the slight edge of despair in his words. "Yes."

"So the pair of you would be… accustomed to my presence in your bed," he says slowly.

"Our presence in your bed, when we are here," Damien amends, but Rilla tenses further, pulling herself out of Damien's arms so she can sit upright, swiping a hand quickly over her face to diffuse the tears before she levels a glare at the monster in the doorway.

"You wanna interrogate this now?" she asks in a sour, biting voice. "We slept with our Arum. You don't even know who we are. You don’t love us and we all know it, so why don't you just let us wallow in peace? I'll try to cry a little quieter so we don't disturb your beauty sleep next time-"

"Rilla," Damien says, chastising and gentle, and Rilla shakes her head. Arum doesn't move, doesn't respond to her furious words except to duck his head very, very slightly. "We are all exhausted, all frustrated, all well beyond our depths. And..." he sits up to match her, lifting a hand to tilt her face towards him as she stubbornly closes her eyes again. "My love, I do not believe that your anger is truly directed at him."

Damien's hands on her face are soft, steady, comforting. They always are, he always knows when she needs- he always knows how to-

If she had to do all this alone, deal with all of this on her own- Rilla doesn't know if she could. She doesn't know if she'd be able to make the anger and the fear small enough that she could work through them, if she didn't have Damien here, if she didn't have someone here who knew her so well, who knew how to hold her. If she didn't have someone to have her back.

We have each other, she thinks, a little fury still biting at the edges. Arum? What does Arum have?

Arum has the Keep, at least-

But Arum and the Keep have always been entirely on the same page. Each knows what the other is thinking, always. Except now, the Keep is a full year of knowledge away from its familiar, and Arum is-

Arum, even with the three of them here with him, is probably feeling more alone than he ever has in his life.

Rilla inhales, exhales a sigh, and when she opens her eyes she lifts a hand to grip Damien's for a moment before she meets Arum's eyes again.

"I'm- I'm sorry," she says, and the monster blinks. "This isn't your fault, obviously. I know- I know it isn't-" she clenches her teeth for a moment, forcing herself to keep the damned tears in her eyes where they belong, and then she sighs. "I'm sorry."

Arum stares at her, unsure, and then he drops his gaze. "I was certainly cruel enough to the both of you in my own distress," he mutters. "If I called us even for such a mild bite, I would be overplaying your hand and underplaying my own. I-" he swallows, wincing, and Rilla knows- she knows the exact tone he's about to take when he- "I … apologize, as well. Both our angers were… misdirected, as Sir Damien implied. In the morning we shall aim our ire towards its proper recipient, I think."

Rilla bites back a laugh, if only because she's not really sure she'll be able to keep it from choking into sobs again.

"Yeah," she says, low and forced to evenness. "Yeah, that sounds like- like a plan."

Arum glances up at the both of them again, hesitant, and he stares for another long moment before his shoulders hunch and he half turns in the doorway. "I- I should… leave you be, then. I did not mean to distress you further."

She feels Damien's arms around her tremble, just for a moment, and then he says, "Of course. We- we shall see you in the morning, then, Lord Arum."

She knows what Damien wants, even if it'll sting. She wants the same exact thing. And Arum-

She'd rather have him here than send him off to sleep all alone, even if it hurts.

"Unless-" she cuts herself off, still feeling stupid, but Arum hesitates in the doorway, and she thinks she can just barely catch a hint of- of relief in his eyes, behind the familiar wariness.

"Unless?" he echoes quietly, his face guarded now, his claws scratching lightly along the edge of the portal.

The thing is, Rilla knows him too well to ask if he wants to stay. When they first met, when they first started together- he'd never admit anything like that, even if it were obvious that he wanted something. Especially if it was obvious that he wanted something, in fact. So-

"Would it be- would it be too weird if we asked you to stay?" she tries, and Damien inhales sharply in surprise. "You- you said you're too cold. You may not remember, but- but your body is used to- well, it's used to a bit more ambient nighttime heat than you remember right now, I think." She pauses, swallows. "Or- I mean, I'm sure the Keep could just- up the temperature in your bedroom or something, but-"

"I'll stay," he interrupts, too quick, and then he shakes his head. "It- I- it is far too strange, knowing you are sleeping under my roof without- without keeping an eye on you."

It's so obvious a lie that Rilla almost wants to laugh again. Instead she sniffles, lifting a hand to rub her eye, and then she tugs lightly at Damien's shoulder, laying the both of them back down. "Okay," she murmurs, because she can't think well enough right now to respond in any sort of clever way. She's exhausted. "Good. That's- that's good."

They way they're laying, Damien has his back to the monster as he slinks hesitantly to the side of their bed. Arum can't see the way that Damien presses his eyes more tightly closed, the way he bites his lip a little too hard. Rilla can see, though, in the brief moment before the portal at Arum's back closes, dropping them back into fuller darkness.

She slips her arms around Damien, tugging him closer. "Scoot, Damien. Make room," she murmurs, and he glances up with a grateful half-smile. He tucks himself closer against her side, resting his cheek on her shoulder and pressing a quick light kiss to her neck before he sighs, closing his eyes again as the blankets shift.

Arum grips the edge of the sheet for a long moment before he rattles out a frustrated noise and slips beneath the covers with a grumble, keeping his body considerable deliberate inches away from their own. "I-" he pauses, lowers his voice even further into nearly a growl. "I cannot say if I will be able to rest with someone else in-" he stops himself again, and then he sighs, and Rilla can feel him settling. She wonders if it's more the warmth or the exhaustion dragging him down, just now, because it certainly isn't them . "Well. It does not matter. It is not as if I was sleeping anyway," he mutters, and then she watches the dim reflection of the moonlight in Arum's predator eyeshine as he stares back at her in return.

She closes her eyes before the feeling in her chest gets too big to bury again, holding Damien in her arms and settling closer, grateful for her exhaustion if only because she's too tired to completely process how horrible it should feel to have Arum so close and so distant at the same time.

"Goodnight, my love," Damien whispers in her arms, and Rilla squeezes him tighter because she knows the waver he's hiding in the whisper, knows that he's not talking only to her.

"Goodnight," she replies in the lightest gust of a breath, and from his place beside them, still not touching them, Arum says nothing at all.

[->]

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #sir damien #lord arum #amaryllis of exile #going through changes ripping out pages #ARGHHHHHHH

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septiembrre · 4 years

Note

24 for the kissy prompts pls!

Let’s run away together kiss, @sothischickshe thanks for the prompt, boo <3

When Beth slept with Rio again, it was on a one-last-time basis. She was convinced she had built it all up - the sex, the headiness of it all, the tenderness, how good it was.

She was sure she was viewing those orgasms through a haze of nostalgia, rose-tinted glasses. It had been a time when her newfound power was dizzying. She was making money, coming up in the world and, suddenly, at forty, she found herself newly awake. Of course, she was going to have incredible orgasms. She hadn’t had sex in seven years. It made sense. If they were the best orgasms of her life, it was only because the sex of yore was with her blundering husband. This time would be different. Beth and Rio would fuck it out of their systems and they could go back to building their fortunes without the complication of partially resolved sexual tension.

As she processed the warmth of Rio’s hands gripping her tight, of her writhing, her clit against his tongue, already begging for his cock, Beth became too cognizant of it all - all of the feelings. Her blood was rushing, her body alight, and her thoughts bounding away from her in all directions. Then, Rio’s hands had fisted her hair, his teeth nipping at her pulse. He moved back inside her, was everywhere as if he had never left. Her hands had clenched against his neck, traced the scars she gave him last year, and for a time Beth stopped thinking.

Afterward, as she was finding her bearings, her breath, Rio brought his fingertips to trace the shape of her face. His hand dipped from her temple to the dimple in her chin - and seemingly despite himself, he kissed her. Beth, blanketed by the familiar softness from that sunny afternoon in her bed, the thrill of having his complete, unwavering attention, acknowledged that she was completely besotted, just like the first two times. She was as nervy as the grocery store robbery, as powerful as standing in the dealership and misdirecting the FBI, as boss as one-upping the very man in her bed. It was as perfect as the first time they kissed.

She could never let him know.

After some time, they shook off the spell. They cleaned up. They put on their clothes. They turned away from each other with one last tentative glance, a nod, and Beth went home. She buried herself in her responsibilities and at night, she came on her fingers letting herself think of him.

A week later, he showed up at her house. It happened again.

Then, again. And again.

It swelled from something Beth had convinced herself was sporadic, an anomaly, and evened out into their rhythm. Rio was in her life, in every way - and still, the moments between them burned. Their resilient spark kindled and the deadlock broke. They weren’t quite dating - but they were undoubtedly partnered. It thrilled her. He charmed her. Beth had never known what it meant to be in love, and for the first time, she was letting pieces of her that she had buried deep inside be known.

One afternoon, at the shop, Rio tugs her onto his lap. She’s been troubleshooting a kink with the printing press while Rio typed away on one of the work tables. He had turned it into a makeshift desk while he kept her and sometimes Annie and Ruby company as they printed. He noses down her neck and she’s starting to rub against him, when he says, “Let’s go on a vacation.”

Beth smiles against his temple, playing along, “Mmm, where? Fiji? Bora Bora?”

Rio leans back, squinting at her. “Damn, darlin’. Not unless you want to spend half our trip gettin’ there.”

She laughs, “Then what? You’ll bring me to Legoland with you this time?”

Rio scoffs and rolls his eyes. “The way this works, we can get away for a week and a half, two weeks tops.”

She eyes him and realizes he’s serious. Her mind goes blank and then unbidden memories from her life before surface. The first time Beth had been on a plane was a trip to Disney with Dean’s family. She had been in her first trimester with Emma, furiously trying to soothe a five-year-old Kenny and chubby-toddler Danny. It had been her in-laws’ idea. They had insisted on staying at the park’s resort and the whole trip was nightmarish from beginning to end. She was still in the throes of morning sickness and on full caregiving duty to keep the boys from getting too fussy. Her mother-in-law helicoptered her parenting throughout the trip and Beth was suffocated by the responsibility of making sure the children stayed clean and tidy for family pictures. Memories of murmuring, exhausted, to Dean that their children were too young to remember the whole charade, dominate her associations of that trip, and traveling overall to this day.

Besides the vacations to Disney with Dean and the kids, Beth had gone on trips within a reasonable driving distance of Detroit. They had spent school breaks on the shores of Michigan, in New York one Christmas. Once the kids were older, there were the yearly trips to Chicago, Indianapolis, and Toronto. She had been to Nashville once with Ruby and Annie, a girl’s trip, in between bouts when Sarah was better and a moment when Annie was flush with cash.

Beth doesn’t know what to ask for. In conversations like this one, she feels how different her life has been from Rio’s, and she doesn’t know where to step. Flustered, she pivots. “Where do you want to go?”

“It don’t matter much. Somewhere with good food and a five-star hotel where I can keep you naked.”

She laughs, excited, and a little nervous.

“We could go to… Montreal?”

Rio grins, quick. “Nah. Not yet. I go to the jazz festival there, every summer. We’ll go together this year, but I want to go somewhere sooner.”

Beth’s mind fritzes out for a few seconds, considering the possibilities.

“Where else you wanna go, ma?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Honestly, anywhere.” He seems to be eying her meaningfully. Beth tries again, lowers her voice to a purr, “Where do you want to take me?”

He looks away, biting at his lips. “I’ve been wanting to go back to Mexico. I still have a lot of family down there.”

She’s surprised to hear the admission. He rarely brings up his family outside of Marcus or Rhea. But, by now she’s privy to the details of Rio’s schedule and knows he spends many Sunday afternoons with his extended family at his mom's house. “Oh yeah?”

“We used to drive down, spend summers in Guadalajara with my grandparents.” He smiles at the memory. “I still got a lot of cousins in Jalisco. Some of them moved to Puebla a few years back. I haven’t been since before Marcus was born. I’ve been itchin’ to go back and visit.” He looks at her as if they’re conspiring. “We can catch a direct flight from O’Hare into Mexico City, spend the beginning of the trip there. We could rent a car and take a day trip to Puebla. Then, we could go to Guadalajara for a few days. You ever been to Mexico?”

Beth shakes her head.

“Cool. You’d like it. People there are real nice and the food is bomb - the pozole…” He mimics a chef’s kiss.

“Rio…”

“Hm?”

Beth runs through it a few times in her head and decides to put it out there. “Don’t you think I should meet your family here first?”

Rio’s lips twist and he pulls Beth close against him. “You want to meet my má?”

Now, Beth’s shaking her head at him. “Yeah. Obviously.”

“My nosy sisters, too?”

“There’s no way they’ve got anything on Annie.”

He laughs. “You’d be surprised.”

Rio kisses her and it makes something shoot down her spine. Could she be any more of a cliché? Her mind starts down a familiar spiral: in her forties, past her prime, boring house-wife. She makes an effort to stop, correct course, and Beth realizes Rio is watching her closely, no doubt, reading her mind.

“Mm-kay. Next Sunday.” Then, undeterred, “But, where do you want to go?”

Beth pauses a moment. Where doesn’t she want to go? She considers what story she’s going to spin so she can get Dean to take the kids without putting up too much of a fight. And then she turns her brain off and starts to imagine the future, and Rio naked, and where he would look good naked. Everywhere, honestly, but- She thinks about his brown skin against crisp hotel sheets, in aquamarine waters where he wouldn’t even have to put on all the clothes Michigan temperatures demand he wear most of the year. She thinks about the bright red one-piece she bought when she was really feeling herself and knows he would love. She thinks about them, in the future, together.

“Somewhere warm and beautiful, with a beach.”

“Oh yeah?” He looks her up and down and bites his lip. She loves it. She loves that she’s finally allowed to love it. “I can picture you, in a bathin’ suit, gorgeous, in a big ass hat.” He brings his hand up to trace along her collarbone. She’s already wet, and she can feel him half-hard beneath her. “Your tits earnin’ freckles all along the top. Slathering up with spf 300.”

Beth smacks him. “Shut up.”

“What beach, mamí?”

Beth considers what she wants, all the places she’s ever want to go. She considers the possibilities. She takes a shot. “Let’s go to Hawaii.”

He’s nodding along with her, dipping in to kiss her again. “Let’s do it.”

#my writing #beth x rio

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dontcare77ghj · 4 years

Text

Heart ii

Dean x reader x Cas

Notes; The whole white witch plot is borrowed from Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters.

Part 2 of 3

After Sam had forced Dean to admit the three of you were soulmates, Dean and Cas had sent Sam back to the motel so they could explain it all to you.

As Cas had said, you were a white witch. This was further proven to you by the fact that in your shock of the whole conversation you’d dropped a coffee mug only for it to begin levitating before it hit the ground.

Dean had taken over explaining exactly why this coven wanted your heart. Once every thousand years the planets aligned and the term blue moon was not just an expression. Apparently if these witches, or demon whores as Dean so eloquently called them, could cut out your heart it would become an ingredient to a spell that would render witch killing bullets useless.

And then had come the conversation that you were most dreading. You needed an explanation on the soul mate thing. The two took turns explaining the whole situation, explaining it from both the points of view.

Dean recalled a conversation the two of you had had after a few drinks the night before.

“I said Cas was my soul mate but we had another and we were waiting for them. That’s the story.” He explained, leaning back.

Yeah, his explanation left little to be desired, but Cas was able to really explain it all to you.

Every angel was given a single soul mate when they were created. In the earlier years it was much more common to find them until rules against angel/human were introduced. After that angels rarely left heaven and already existing pairings were killed off.

“Cas here is a bit of rebel and a freak, that’s why he found me and there’s two of us.” Dean chuckled.

“That is not the reason.” Cas sighed.

With that the two of them explained how they met, and then gave an additional explanation as to how Dean died, and how you fit into their dynamic.

“You do have a choice here.” Dean told you. “You don’t have to accept us; you don’t have to think you’re stuck with us. You have a choice.”

When he said this, you sat there and mulled it over for a minute before you nodded.

“This is not me rejecting you. I accept that we’re bound together but I’ve been fucked over by people so many times that I have major trust issues. I don’t do relationships very well so can we please just take this slow?” You asked the two. Cas’s eyes lit up and Dean let out a chuckle.

“Sweetheart, you are definitely ours.”

After a couple more hours, Dean and Cas left to go pack up the motel and pick up Sam. It made more sense to have the three staying in your spare rooms while looking for the coven and so you could bond with your soul mates.

When the boys left you made a beeline to the kitchen but let out a sigh when you realized there was nothing to drink.

“I should’ve told them to pick up a six pack.” You sighed and made your way back to the bedroom.

It had been two weeks since the boys had sat you down and talked to you. The boys weren’t terrible houseguests and you did enjoy their company but there was a part of you that was incredibly annoyed they were there.

You didn’t believe in this shit. At least you didn’t use to. Honestly, before Cas’s eyes glowed that bright blue, you were just going to pretend to believe them. Sure, this as half out of not believing and half because of your own issues.

Dean was currently out getting groceries, the three didn’t particularly like you leaving the house alone, Cas was taking care of some angel business and Sam was typing away on his laptop at your kitchen table as you made some lunch for you and Sam.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find your birth mother? It could be my apology for wanting to kill you?” Sam asked, watching you move around the kitchen.

“Sam, we’ve been over this, I don’t blame you.” You said, shutting the oven door. “If I had been in your position and seen the evidence you had, I would assume it was me too. And no, I don’t want you to find her.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I already met my mother. And she was a wonderful, intelligent, woman, despite her choice of husband, and unfortunately, she passed recently. I won’t disrespect her memory by pretending she’s not my mother.” You smiled, stirring the pasta on the stove.

“I can respect that.” Sam said, continuing to type.

“Sam, can I ask you a favour?” You asked, not looking up from the cooking.

“Yeah, sure. What do you need?”

“Can you tell me a bit more about Dean and Cas? I want to get to know them from someone else’s point of view. You know, the stories they won’t tell me themselves.” You said, looking up from the meal shyly.

“So, you want the embarrassing stuff?” Sam clarified. You gave him a nod causing him to laugh. “Where to start?”

“We’re back.” Dean announced an hour later. He and Castiel entered the kitchen with a bag each to see you and Sam sitting at the table, eating your lunch.

“You two look happy.” Cas commented., setting his bag on the counter.

“Suspiciously happy.” Dean added, looking between the pair of you. “What lies has Sam been telling you, sweetheart?”

"I don't think he's told me anything untrue."

"Everything that comes out of that man's mouth is a lie."

“So you didn’t pull your pants down and yell, ‘Pudding’?” You smirked, standing and bringing your plate to the sink.

“It was for a case.” He defended himself.

“Of course, it was. Go, take a seat. Have some lunch and I’ll finish up.” You said, pushing him toward the table. “You too Cas, I know you don’t eat but you’re going to sit too.” You added, pointing to the table.

“You know we can put away a few groceries, right?” Dean asked as you handed him a plate.

“Yeah but you always put things in the wrong place.” You said, beginning to put your groceries in the correct spots.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. Milk doesn’t go in the cupboard.”

“She’s right.”

“You do the same thing back at the bunker.”

“You guys all suck.”

It was week three of living with the boys. In the past week they had come no closer to finding the coven but Cas had been attempting to teach you how to use your powers. You weren’t taking to his teaching very well and the best you had done was use it accidentally.

Sam had decided to go out for the day, leaving you and your soulmates alone in the house. The three of you were slowly growing closer and you found yourself very much liking being around them.

Sam had been gone for two hours. You were in your room reading when you heard footsteps approaching.

“Hey.” Dean started, knocking on your doorframe. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Nothing I can’t do another time.” You said, putting your book down. “What’s up?” You questioned him.

“Me and Cas were going to watch a movie, you want to join?” He quizzed you, leaning against the doorframe with a smile.

“You sure you don’t want some alone time?”

“Some alone time with our girl? Yes.” He smirked, making you chuckle.

“Then sure you cheese ball. I’ll join you.” You said, climbing off the bed. Dean wrapped an arm around your shoulders as he led you into the living room.

“Look who I found.” Dean announced to Cas who had taken his trench coat off and was sitting on the couch.

“I did say she would gladly join.” Cas said as you sat next to him.

“Yes, I know you’re always right angel.” Dean rolled his eyes sitting on your other side. “What did you pick?”

“Something called Ouija.” Cas answered, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Is this okay?”

“It’s fine, Cas.” You smiled as Dean took your hand in his and intertwined them. About half way into the movie you had to ask. “Please tell me this shit doesn’t actually happen.”

“Well the board itself works but that’s not how possession works.” Dean explained, making you sigh in relief. “You ever used one?”

“Oh God no.” You chuckled. “I never used to think that kind of stuff was real.”

“I guess we kind of destroyed your world view.” Castiel commented. “If not for us you would’ve continued on as normal.”

“If not for you I could be dead right now.” You shook your head. “It was happening all around me and I never even knew it.”

“That’s the point of what we do.” Dean said, squeezing your hand. “We don’t let the public know and keep them safe.”

“Except in this case you did tell me.” You teased.

“Yeah, well, special exception. You’re our soulmate and part of it, little miss White Witch.” He smiled, throwing his arm around the back of the couch. “That’s not how possession works!” Dean yelled at the scream twenty minutes later.

“It’s a movie, Dean. It’s not real.” Cas said, leaning his head back on the couch.

“It’s not even a good movie.” Dean grumbled. “I mean who writes these?”

“Wait to we get to the credits, then you can yell at them by name.” You smirked as Cas groaned.

“Don’t encourage him, please, Y/N.”

“Lighten up, Cas.” You said shifting so you faced him. “This is the best part of watching a bad movie. Mocking it.”

“See? She gets it.” Dean said, moving closer so you were sandwiched between them. “We won the soul mate lottery.”

“That is a statement I can agree with.” Cas agreed, shifting closer to you. “We are very lucky to have you.”

“You’re not going to say that when you really get to know me.” You chuckled bitterly.

“We could say the same about us sweetheart.” Dean informed you.

“There are many things about us that we are not proud of. There is many we have done that we regret. It doesn’t matter what any of us have done or the parts of us that are broken what matters is how we move forward and live our lives.” Cas told you.

“And that there is the angel, been alive for eons and knows better than all, talk.” Dean chuckled, reaching over and taking the man’s hand.

“We’re all broken, I think that’s why we were bound.”

“So, we’re a mess that the universe is rooting for?” You smiled, relaxing into the men’s embrace.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Dean said, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Is it too fast for me to ask to kiss you?” Cas suddenly asked. “You don’t have to say yes if it’s too fast.”

“It’s not too fast at all.” You breathed as he now leaned in incredibly close. You could almost feel his lips when he suddenly vanished without a word. “What the?”

“Cas?” Dean yelled, standing from the couch. Dean rushed towards the front windows before letting out a curse. “Y/N, come on!” He said, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the kitchen. “Take this and call Sam. Tell him they’re here. Go out the back.” He told you, shoving his phone into your hand and grabbing a knife from the counter.

“What about you?” You asked, moving towards the back door.

“Never mind about me just get out of here.” He said as the front door ripped open. “Go!” Following his directions, you shoved phone into your pants pocket, turned and rushed towards the back door. You hadn’t even made it to the door when it was shoved open and a woman stood in front of you.

“Ah ah ah.” She tutted, outstretching her hand towards you. With a sudden pressure on your neck you were raised from the ground and shoved into the wall behind you. “Where you going? The party’s just starting.” She smirked before smashing your head into the wall and the world turned black.

When you awoke it was to the moon light shining onto your face. You let out a quiet groan before jolting upright as you remembered the previous events. You glanced quickly around the small room, recognizing the room instantly before jumping up.

“Dean!” You exclaimed, noticing yournd across from you. You went to rush to his side only to be pulled back by chains wrapped around your wrists. “Dean, wake up. Come on Dean.” You begged, pulling on the chain.

A low groan escaped the man after you called his name several more times.

“Sweetheart?” He groaned, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “Where are we?”

“Old jail on the edgxplore it on our weekends.” You smiled as he began to remember what happened.

“And we’re chained up.” He sighed, tugging on the chain attached to his ankle.

“Will Cas be able to find us?” You asked him, leaning against the wall.

“Unfortunately, probably not. Soul mates or not, they’ll have some serious cloaking going on.” Dean sighed.

“Oh, shit wait.” You said suddenly, reaching for Dean’s phone. “This place used to have reception; it should still have.” You finally managed to pull out the phone and tossed it to Dean who caught it easily.

“Ha ha. We have signal.” He smirked, rapidly typing out a text. “With any luck Sammy and Cas will get here before they cut your heart out.”

“Jesus do you have to say it like that?” You laughed nervously.

“Sorry sweetheart but you know we’re not going to let that happen, right? I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Dean, we’re both chained up in a cell. Neither of us can get out and I can’t grasp how to use my magic. I think we’re pretty fucked.” You sighed, sliding down onto the floor.

“When we get out of this, we’re going to work on your positivity. Cas’ll show you his beehives, that’ll cheer you up.” Dean said, making you laugh. “Seriously, Y/N, we’re going to be fine.”

“Promise?” You asked him meekly, wincing at your own tone.

“Swear on my life.” He smiled. “And when we get out of here, you want to maybe go on a date with us?”

“I can’t believe you’re making a move now.” You shook your head, grinning.

“I never waste an opportunity, sweetheart.” Dean smirked. “So, what do you say?”

“If we make it out of this alive, I’ll gladly go out with the pair of you.”

Before either of you could say another word, you could hear the loud click of high heels echo throughout the room. The two of you stood and watched as an older woman approached the cell.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.” She grinned nastily. “It turns out there’s a lot of setting up to do for this party.” She said, opening the door and walking in your direction.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Dean yelled, surging forward.

“Oh, calm down, Romeo.” She sighed, simply raising a hand and flicking it so Dean was shoved into the wall.

“Dean!” You cried out watching with wide eyes as he struggled against her invisible hold.

“You little miss have caused a lot of trouble.” The woman said standing right in front of you. “Do you know how long it took to find you and how much energy we had to use killing off your parents and little friend?”

“You bitch.” You snarled, going to lunge only to be held back by the chains. The woman only laughed before snapping her fingers loudly. You and Dean shared a look before two more women entered the room with emotionless faces.

The two didn’t say a word, or a make a noise, as they approached you and in silence grabbed the length of chain and dragged you towards them.

“Get off me!”

“You fucking touch her and I’ll fucking kill you.”

“We’ll be back for you later boy.” The first woman pointed at Dean as she stood behind your struggling form.

“Dean!” You yelled as you were yanked forward.

“Y/N!” He choked out before you were pulled away and the cell door shut behind you.

No matter how much you struggled, how much you fought back, the two women continued to drag you down the hall as if you were merely a rag doll.

“Fucking demon whores.” You snarled, trying to throw the women off you.

“Now that is just rude. There’s no need for a superiority complex. The only part of you that’s even valuable is right here.” She said, moving in front of you and tapping your heart. “You’re making a generous contribution to our masters.”

“Fuck you bitch.” You growled, spitting on her face. The woman simply narrowed her eyes before smacking you across the face.

“I’m going to enjoy this.” She smirked, leading the three of you into an adjacent room. The room screamed culty. Candles of every colour and size littered the room, the bright glow of the moon was the only other source of lighting and in the middle of the room was a slab from the morgue.

“No! No get off me!” You shrieked as you were dragged to the table, slab, and chained down.

“It’s no use. The sacrifice is happening whether you like it or not.” The witch said, moving towards an altar.

“Fuck you!” You snapped, attempting to lunge off the table. As you continued to struggle, the three women all gathered at the altar and began reading from a large book. As your struggles intensified you felt a burning from deep within.

The women were now gathered around you and as their chants grew louder the burning became unbearable. You let out a short scream as the fire burst and the three women had to shield themselves from it.

One woman was too slow to dodge and you watched as she caught fire. The woman screamed and flailed as she was brunt to a crisp. The other two women didn't even attempt to save her as they stood

“The ritual continues!” The first woman screamed. “We will be immune to fire! To the hunters! It continues!” She said , raising a knife and stabbing it into your stomach. "Weak little witch can't even control her powers." She mocked over your scream of pain.

"At least I'm not a whore who sold herself for hers." You snapped, groaning as the second woman twisted the dagger.

"Continue!" She snapped, raising the knife. She and the second woman began chanting again. You could barely find the energy to struggle any more, you were bleeding out and weak from the blast of magick you sent out.

A single tear streaked down your cheek before a loud gunshot echoed throughout the room. Your head snapped to the side and you saw Dean, Cas and Sam marching towards you.

Dean raised his gun again and shot the woman with the dagger once in the head. He and Cas appeared next to you as Sam quickly took care of the last woman.

"You're okay, what did I tell you? We weren't letting them cut your heart out." Dean smiled, unlocking the chains as Cas pressed two fingers to your forehead. A bright glow emitted from the room as you felt yourself healing.

"And I thought I told you not to say it like that." You groaned as Cas helped you sit up.

"Are you okay? Do you need a hospital? Is there anywhere else that hurts?" Cas asked, holding your face in his hands. You gave him a tired smile before leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

"I'm okay." You told him. "I'm fine." Cas gave you a smile before stepping aside so Dean could stand in front of you. "Are you okay?" You asked him.

"I'm fantastic" He said, leaning forward and kissing you.

"Guys, not to interrupt the soul mate moment but we gotta get out of here. The place is on fire." Sam pointed out.

"Yeah sorry about that." You said as Dean helped you off the table.

"You did this?" Dean questioned, catching you as your knees gave out.

"Uh huh. Got the bitch in the corner." You told him.

"We're going to continue training once you get some rest." Castiel nodded. With Dean holding you up the four of you made your way to the exit. Dean helped you into the back of his car with Cas sitting next to you, with the burning building behind you, Dean started up the car and drove the four of you away.

You were leaning your head against Cas's shoulder when you suddenly had a thought.

"Hey Cas, do you really have beehives?"

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Dean x reader x Cas

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Steve x reader x Wanda

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