#i might actually make a website or something for all my hyperfixations | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelpuns · 9 months

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Ranting anon will attempt to rant more about executive dysfunction but my brain is not working (probably because of that lol-) so this might not be the easiest to understand. So all three of working memory, cognitive flexibility and inhibition control are apart of "higher-level executive functions" executive functions themself are mostly your ability to control your behavior in almost every category.

Those three are the foundation of executive functions because they control if you chose to do something (inhibition), how you do it (working) and actually starting and finishing different tasks throughout the day (cognitive) all of which are your behavior. So doing things like problem solving, reasoning, planning, and again actually starting a task are controlled mostly by those things. And hyperfixations or special interests make dealing with those things even worse because those things take all of your attention which obviously affects your behavior, and we're back to the point of those three things being the core of your behavior. If all your attention is stuck on one thing, most of the things you do are going to be centered around that thing, reading about it, drawing, talking to people or creating your own stories regarding it (like comics lol.)

So because those things are sorta being centered around whatever it is you like, it makes doing anything else really hard and frustrating if it isn't related back to that thing. Hyperfixations and executive functions are connected like that, its why when you should be doing something else, you can't because all you want to do (inhibition control,) all you can think about (working memory) and all you can bring yourself to do easily (cognitive flexibility) is something that relates to whatever it is your interested in. It's all super complicated and hard to put into words because the brain is a very silly lil thing and it's different for everyone! It also can affect your emotions a lot because what you want to do isn't always what you actually do, you can want desperately to get up and go do something, but if it isn't something that excites you it's gonna be hard some days and that'll make you feel like shit, which makes it even harder. Your emotions and your behavior are very tightly linked, and if something you have to do doesn't get you those feel-good chemicals that make you happy, it ain't happening. And again because those behaviors are controlled by executive functions which aren't working the way their supposed to and get way too dependent on what you're hyperfocused on, it's gonna be a bad time.

Obviously, this sorta thing doesn't apply to every day, you can like something that isn't a hyperfixation and that makes it easy to still do that thing, but some days it's a lot harder than it is for someone who's executive functions aren't all outa wack and work the way they should (not as heavily reliant on you actually enjoying doing that thing.)

Most of this is sorta based off what I see happens with me and what i've connected to those issues and such, but a lot of the info I got for like what things actually are is from, again, the Cleveland Clinic website. And again, it isn't you being lazy, its your brain not doing what it's supposed to and making life harder! <3 (Again, psa, this may not be 100% accurate, do your own research if you want to, this is just what I've found and some of it is based off my experiences, some things you might not relate to, doesn't make you any less valid, it just means you have a unique experience, as does everyone else.)

Reading this from bed cause I can't get up BUT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE!!! When the happy juice isn't coming so you can't do the things you have to do smh

real and relatable asf!! Ty for the information download as usual RA <333

#i go back to sleep now #lmao #it is in fact one of those days

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cryptidcr3ature · 3 months

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This is going to be kinda a weird post but I feel like it’s something I’d like to say. Hi, I’m Brenna and I’ve had pretty severe ADHD since I was a kid. One symptom of ADHD I really struggle with is hyperfixations and being unable to enjoy things in a normal manner. When I develop a new hyperfixation, I often times feel annoying and like my interests are hurting my personal relationships. I tend to talk too much about my interests in a sort of overwhelming sense.

I tend to feel things in a sort of 0 to 100% jump with no real shift. If I enjoy something, I can’t just like something and it comes up in a conversation. When I love something, I must let it out and usually I can’t stop myself from talking about it all the time. From emo music (unfortunately I know too much about old p!atd), to haikyuu, to drag race, when I love something, everyone around me will hear about it.

When I got into Red Dead Redemption, I felt almost trapped because I could tell it was a hyperfixation, but the only people in my circle who played it and were actually interested were my brother and dad. I loved this thing and I knew that I couldn’t express it how I wanted to, feeling stuck. That’s why I started posting on here.

I wanted to sit down and write this post for people who might be like me. I’d like to tell you that it’s not for other people to decide how you should feel about your interests. If you want to talk about your interests, you are welcome to here on this blog. You’re not annoying and it’s okay to have something that makes you so happy you can ramble about.

I post a lot, but I hope you guys enjoy it. I’m still learning about this website and how it functions, but so far I’ve had so much good come from here. I’ve talked to lovely people who have similar interests and I hope you guys are doing great and are enjoying my content. Thank you.

-Brenna (cryptidcr3ature)

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not-poignant · 11 months

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Hi Pia. Do you have any tip or resources for writing traumatised characters?

I love how you write complex characters and the way you portray trauma in a way that feels so natural

Hi anon!

For resources, not particularly, beyond a bunch of books that I've taken photos of in this post here. But a lot of these books are expensive, and they're not written for laypeople, but they're also very good books on PTSD. They are not books on how to write trauma.

I'm an 'own voice' when it comes to writing trauma. I've had severe PTSD and C-PTSD since my 1997 diagnosis, and it's treatment-resistant (yay, my least favourite phrase). I've been researching my own trauma for literally decades in order to work out how to fix myself (hot tip: cannot 'read books' your way into fixing it). As a result, I just know how to write trauma. I've lived it, I've researched it for selfish purposes, and I write different versions of it for personal reasons that are very important to me. I like writing different types of healing as a way of living through different types of healing, but also finding it fascinating how all of us as people heal differently depending on our natures and the nature of our trauma.

This makes me actually not great for recommending specific resources like websites, podcasts, or links, because this is not where I learned about PTSD and trauma or writing it, and my research was also very hyperfixated and excessive, because I was learning about my own condition. I wouldn't expect someone else to devote hundreds or thousands of hours into reading something on trauma like I have, just to write a story, for example. So your path is not going to look like mine, anon.

It probably feels so natural, because I really struggle to imagine writing anyone without trauma, because that's completely alien to me. Catch me asking people 'how are you writing characters without trauma, can't be true, right?' So I just...don't really do that, or I make sure I give that character trauma, *waves to Eran.*

I'm very sorry, I thought about like, finding some links for you via a Google search but firstly I wouldn't have the time to vet them all and secondly, you can probably find better resources that specifically suit what you want to write this way. If anyone else has recs because they needed to learn about this vs. actually just living the experience 24/7 and doing very deep academic research on it, please add your recs!

That being said, I am a resource! Lol. You might also want to check out this post I've written on writing trauma and knowing how much detail to go into re: writing trauma depending on the stage in the story, and the character's position re: healing. How deep you go and what you show depends on genre, character's growth points, and what you're trying to achieve as well!

If you ever have more specific questions, I will do my best. But 'how to write traumatised characters' is a mixed bag depending on your genre, how deep you want to go, what sort of trauma it is, whether they developed PTSD or C-PTSD from that trauma (not everyone does), what kind of character they are, etc. and I cannot write you a novel! Lol, but I will try :D

#asks and answers #pia on trauma #pia on ptsd #writing trauma #writing ptsd #pia on writing #also i just can't sanely say 'my biggest tip on writing trauma is to live like 20 years of it'#because no #don't do that anon #fkldsafjasd just don't do it!!!#tbh there's probably some AMAZING podcasts and youtube videos and stuff out there these days

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spaceorphan18 · 7 months

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I was wondering how you felt about the centralization of fandom. I feel like now, I'm so used to hop on AO3 that as soon as I'm looking for something I might not find there, like meta, theories or simply fics for an older (related to AO3) fandom like Glee, I don't have a clue anymore where to look for them. I never used LiveJournal so I don't have the habit of checking it out. FFNET feels obsolete after spending so much time on AO3, and as for Tumblr... the search function is a mess (and I dislike the fact that so many people post fanfics directly in text posts, of course they do what they want but it's frustrating to search for like analysis or simple thoughts and only find docs).

Fanlore is often lacking (although I worked myself on filling some stuff a few times).

I was used to HP being my main fandom: it had its own very charming fan websites with tons of content that often still exist, but are different somehow.

So I guess my question is actually several questions:

- what do you think of fandom being generally more centralized nowadays

- where do you go if you seek stuff like writeups (AO3 allows them but doesn't feature so much of them, but I know the Glee fandom was THRIVING and full of stuff,I guess the waves of mass post deletions are part of the issue)?

- finally, how are you? 🤗 I'm always happy to see your posts on my dash even if my Glee hyperfixation has come and gone

Sorry, it may be a confusing post 😂 Too much stuff going on

Hmm - I guess I wonder what you mean by more centralized? Like that we find everything in one place? Do we find everything in one placed? I guess I'm a little confused (but I often am)

What do you mean by write ups? Do you mean things like meta and analysis? I just want to make sure I'm understanding correctly.

If I'm being honest, my relationship with media has changed and I'm not necessarily seeking out fandoms to engage with. (This is not a denouncement of fandom at all! Just that I'm busier and how I interact with things just is different now) I haven't hyperfixed on anything since Glee - and I'm okay with that.

I don't really know where people can go /now/ to dig into fandoms. I think Discord is one of the places - but you almost have to be engaged already and invited into one. I don't know where people are putting their thoughts and feelings these days.

For me - I listen to a lot of podcasts now (as well as YouTube) where I can hear people's takes on such things, but I can't necessarily engage with it (I mean, I suppose commenting is a thing but it's not my thing) and that seems to fulfill a lot of my desire to hear someone else's thoughts.

And, I mean, I've made a group of good friends on Tumblr that if I want a more personalized discussion on something I'll hit one of them up and spark a convo. (Of course I have people not on the internet with whom I do that, too.)

But I can see where it can be hard for someone who is just starting out on their fandom journey to find a place where they can really dig in with others. Tumblr would be nicer if it was more organized and if tagging did actually work.

And, you know, I kinda treat Tumblr like a journal - and just create my own content. I'm not necessarily writing for all of you, but to sort things out in my own mind. Having people read and enjoy my thoughts is just an added bonus. ;)

I'm not sure if I've answered or addressed all of your thoughts - but hopefully, some of that makes sense?

In the mean time, I am doing well. I'm in a better place personally, which is nice, because then I can get back to all the fun projects I enjoyed before the year of my mental health crisis. Hope you are well yourself! <3

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space-station-collective · 9 months

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Howdy! I saw your "ask a system" post and I personally have been wondering if I am a system. Do you have any advice you can share for someone trying to figure this out on their own, or any personal experiences with learning and discovering systemhood you're comfy sharing? I currently don't have any way to get tested or diagnosed but I still want to be able to understand what's going on in my brain. Thank you!

hey hi! thank you for your ask! :D

so this one im gonna try my Best to answer but im not sure how well it will help, also keep in mind this is just my& experience and there may be other things that work for you!

first things first, keep in mind that these things take time! i found out about the system im a part of really really quickly and honestly it caused a lot of problems because of how quickly it was. it usually takes time to figure it out and develop healthy communication among the system members, and generally know what is going on

^ that was written by the host (who was so unbelievably tired), I'm taking over now, but didn't want to delete what he said! (Grian) (long post ahead!)

I'm gonna start with some resources/advice, and move to more personal experiences at the end!

the difficulty with determining if you're a part of a system, while already knowing about systems, is that it can be very difficult to know if the words actually describe you, or if it's just the closest thing. I know this is probably the worst to hear, but a lot of it honestly is a load of self reflection and determining what labels feel comfortable for you! at its base, plurality is a very wide label, and the way it applies to one person may be completely different to how it may apply to another!

the next thing is so much research. we were lucky to already have a very good base of knowledge due to a research hyperfixation a couple years back, which made things much easier on us, but there was still a lot we had to look into before really understanding what was happening

this website looks like it has a lot of good information! it has a section specifically dedicated to "Am I Plural?" which links to several other resources, as well. I don't fully have the energy to read through the entire site, but from what I saw it has good info, and I've seen other accounts link to it, so I'm inclined to trust it!

okay, now for personal experiences

I'm actually the main reason we found out about our system! or at the very least, how we found out when we did. I could probably make a post on that at some point, if there's interest in it, but to put it short, we had been suspecting plurality for a while and then I actually switched in, and now here we are!

honestly, my main advice is just keep doing research, and try not to doubt yourself. whatever might be happening, be it plurality or something else entirely, it's still your experience, and it's valid! also, a mistake our host made is trying really very hard to push down the system and ignore it. what actually happened was.. very damaging. please don't try and push away what's going on, I promise you it'll make it a lot easier if you lean into trying to understand it

I wish you the very best of luck! I hope this post actually made sense, our writing tends to be a bit all over the place sometimes. I hope this was able to offer some guidance!

-the host (he/they) and Grian (he/him/they)

#plurality #system #spacestationcollective #sysblr #plural #plural system #plural community #osddid #dissociative system #ask #host.html #grian.html

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steakout-05 · 1 year

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Discovering Halfbrick Lost Media

i promise you this is interesting! you might know Halfbrick for making Jetpack Joyride and Fruit Ninja and whatnot, but their history spans over for YEARS all the way to the 90s. and today i discovered something really cool, and that's Halfbrick's long lost unpublished games from the 2000s. let's start from the beginning. this post will be LONG.

so today i was cataloguing every self-published Halfbrick game ever (as you do) and while i was looking through games to list, i remembered a page on Unseen64 i saw a while ago that talks about a game called 'Fuzz and Rocket', which was an announced game that was supposed to be on the Gameboy Advance, set to release in the mid 2000s. It appeared at E3 in 2005 and then was cancelled when Halfbrick couldn't find a publisher. it was pretty interesting to find out about when i first got hyperfixated on Jetpack Joyride and wanted to see if there was any lost media.

i took a closer look and saw that there was a snapshot of Halfbrick's site from like 2003, and there it was: the announcement for Fuzz and Rocket. so of course i go back all the way to 2001 and look at what we have here...

wow! it's old!

so, there's a lot to unpack here. first of all, yes, that is Halfbrick's actual old logo. and yes, that HTML is a bit broken. this isn't the exact page i was on when i first discovered this and the HTML was working properly, but this is Halfbrick's old website from August 2001. take in the pure Y2K broken graphic HTML ugliness.

but what i'm really interested are the games. if you look on this site, you might see mentions of 'Farma Llamma', 'Turbulence' and 'Defiant'. these were three online games Halfbrick worked on around 2001, all of which used JavaScript. out of these games, only one was released, and that one was 'Defiant'. here's the webpage:

Case 1: 'Defiant'

this was the page listing for the game 'Defiant'. according to this page, 'Defiant' was going to be a shoot 'em up, close to something like Touhou in terms of layout. it is 2002 and you have to destroy the enemy base, which probably isn't human. and, according to the game's features page, this game was gonna have "Tons of sprites on screen", "Transparent clouds" and "Funky intro music and tons of sound effects", to name a few. sounds pretty cool, right? you'd like to play it, right?

well, here's the unfortunate thing: you can't. this is where the lost media part comes in.

this game runs on JavaScript, severely outdated JavaScript that was not properly archived by the Wayback Machine. so we know that 'Defiant' was playable at one point in time, but now, it's been lost and is rendered unplayable. nothing much else to say, it's just unfortunate that one of Halfbrick's first only released web browser games isn't playable anymore. there is no information about 'Defiant' online other than this page and i would love to see it resurface one day. we do have screenshots though to get a feel as to what this game was like:

y'know i wish this game was found so i could figure out what on earth that pink thing is. he looks pretty cool yet so, so dated. there's a scoreboard too, which proves 'Defiant' was real and playable:

but yeah, 'Defiant's long gone now, and might probably stay that way. i doubt anyone has the game downloaded or if it even could be downloaded, and i doubt anyone who worked at Halfbrick still has it.

Case 2: 'Farma Llamma'

'Farma Llamma', as you can see from the site's description, is some sort of farming/resource multiplayer game that runs purely on JavaScript, including its servers. it has a neglect system where you farm dies if its not taken care of, so that's pretty neat! according to the features page, it was going to be a 2D game with a realtime world, and was, of course, playable online. there are no concept sketches to go off of despite the page implying there going to be some added. guess it was just never archived. to my knowledge there was never a link to play the game, and i suspect the game was cancelled from reading this post:

and from what i can find, no more updates were made on the game, so it was most likely canned, unfortunately, rendering it lost media. my theory is that workload as well as server costs contributed to the cancellation of 'Farma Llamma', though i obviously don't know for sure. an obscure game that was possibly never made, this is Halfbrick's second online game to remain lost, probably forever.

Case 3: 'Turbulence'

'Turbulence' is the game i am the least sure about. according to August 2001's snapshot of HB's site, 'Turbulence' was probably the one game that was the closest to completion apart from 'Defiant', around the time 'Farma Llamma' was put on hold. it was apparently gonna be something like a platformer/puzzle game that, like the other two games, worked in Java. it also had a 2-player mode. that's... really all we know about it. there is a concept art section which had quite a lot of sketches (including one of Elvis apparently???), but the images were not archived and thus won't load.

that's... it, really. we know it was a 2D platformer with 2 player mode on Java that might have been close to completion, but that's really all we know. an image of 'Turbulence' was shown on August 2001's snapshot, but alas, that too is broken. it was apparently for "next gen consoles", which i'm assuming is stuff like the GBA considering 'Fuzz and Rocket' was being developed for that console in 2003. maybe we might not ever know what 'Turbulence' was supposed to be, and it never ended up being released anyway.

Case 4: 'XGame'

WOAH! now that's a tonal shift, isn't it? on an older version of HB's site it mentions that the site isn't orange anymore, and then here comes THIS baby in 2003! and look at that logo! i think that's my favourite HB logo, it's so cute and bright and pixelly :D

so this is Halfbrick's game section from 2003, the same page where 'Fuzz and Rocket' was once listed up to 2005 along with HB's earlier works. one of the other games listed here was 'XGame', a puzzle racing game which was fast paced and "frantic". curiously, its gameplay and the screenshots available seems a lot like 'Raskulls', a game Halfbrick would later release in 2010 for Xbox. perhaps this concept was lifted from 'XGame', to which 'XGame' should really get some credit for (possibly) being an inspiration for one of Halfbrick's most iconic and beloved games.

'XGame' was going to be for the PC, and was suitable for handhelds and next gen consoles. they were looking for a publisher to publish the game, which i would assume was finished or close to completion by then. interestingly, there's some cover art mockups, both of which being for the PS2 and Gamecube. considering the time of creation for this game, yeah, that checks out. i'm not entirely sure of 'XGame' was its final name considering how HB usually titles its games, but there's a logo so....

the page for 'XGame' also mentions that "A PC based prototype of XGame is available by request.", which i'm assuming would have been for publishers looking to contact Halfbrick to get a hold of the game for consideration. this also proves that a playable prototype of 'XGame' was in existence at one point, but obviously has not been archived. 'XGame' stayed listed on Halfbrick's website until the site changed its theme in 2005, where it was quietly removed and fell into obscurity. weirdly enough though, 'Fuzz and Rocket' stayed on their site way up until 2008, which by then the DS, Wii and PS3 had already come out, making the ill-fated GBA game obselete.

does Halfbrick still have the PC prototype of 'XGame'? no one really knows. i doubt it, though. Halfbrick has changed so much since then, and even the long past of HB developing licensed games is relatively obscure to those only scratching the surface of their mobile games. i doubt they still have any of these games anymore, and i'm afraid that they'll stay lost for the indefinite future.

oh yeah, and i forgot to mention, Halfbrick also worked on another GBA game simply called 'Booze', which is... an odd name, for sure. it was actually being developed in 2001 but to my knowledge, was never mentioned on their website, just this article. nothing else exists of this old game except for this shotty prototype video uploaded to Youtube in 2014, and yes, there is that really old HB logo. this one is from later in 2001 and looks pretty sweet, much better than the older one, haha. so yeah, this is lost too.

Case 5: thats really it tbh

that's about all i can find. i love lost media and i think its really interesting how stuff can just go missing like that. obviously all of these are super obscure. and i of course like Halfbrick too! researching this was really interesting and know one else knows about it, so i thought i'd share it here. i did also find this page from October 2011 that had stuff from the super old Jetpack Joyride pre-release, called 'Machine Gun Jetpack' at the time. it's got some cool screenshots and i also found what i'd describe as a blinkie while looking on there too:

it's pretty swell! anyway that's all. sorry this post was super long but man i love infodumping about this stuff. it's really neat!

#lost media #halfbrick #jetpack joyride #lost game

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k4katsujin · 1 year

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ressources for a (possible) autism diagnosis, ways you can support autistic people (even after april ends) + my personal symptoms!

as april is autism acceptance/ awareness month here are some ways you can make us feel autistic people more accepted :D

notes: this post is directed towards ALLISTICS. you can still read if you're autistic/neurodivergent but i feel like all im going to write isn't going to be new to you so x) yea /lh

also i alr stated it but the symptoms i will list are only MINE. just because you relate to them doesn't mean you're autistic OK ? ok. also please don't use the resources as a proper diagnosis, I AM NOT A PSYCHIATRIST OK? I AM JUST POSTING THIS TO HELP PEOPLE AND ALLISTICS 👹

this being said, ladders, gentlebeans and gender anarchists (me) luvs, ✨️how can allistics help autistic people!✨️

(in case you're confused you just have to tap on the text when it's underlined, the name of the website is the text written)

1- helpful resources for looking for a future diagnosis

before using the following i highly recommend to list why you think you might be autistic so that you only note what you truly have and don't tend to- "oh i have this symptom too" while you don't /lh

dsm5 criteria (this one's a bit boring tbh my adhd made it hard to read through the whole thing lmao) but it's still good to have an overall look on autism symptoms

same thing as above but as a checklist

CW EYE CONTACT embrace autism's "reading the mind through the eyes" a test in which there are a few faces shown but you only see the eyes and you have to guess the emotion depicted there are around 40 questions and you can't actually click on your answers lol you have to note them and the good answers will be in a table at the end of the test

embrace autism's tests and how the results work (pretty self explanatory c: /lh)

everything you need to know about embrace autism (as far as i'm aware this site is nothing like autism speaks but please let me know if i'm wrong)

2- ways you can support autistic people!

ASK US FOR CONSENT this is not only for autistic people but since being touched is a trigger for most of autistic people ASK US IF YOU CAN TOUCH US AND BE S P E C I F I C (like "can i touch you *speficic body part*?)

don't expect autistic people to be all the same, we all manage our symptoms differently (that's literally why it's called a SPECTRUM everybody experiences differently)

listen to us when we say something you say/do is ableist and/or makes us uncomfortable. i know this is basic common sense but keep in mind that we are humans too.

this is basic common sense but keep in mind that we are humans too.

DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT question an autistic person's diagnosis. this is mostly basic common sense but don't go like "but you don't look autistic omg i could never tell you're autistic" first of all that's ableist and second of all MASKING. THAT'S ALL THAT'S THE REASON WHY YOU CANT TELL AUTISTIC PEOPLE ARE AUTISTIC. sorry i sound mad but 💀

be comprehensive. pleaasee understand that some things/situations may be hard for us. like not understanding social cues for example

ask us about our hyperfixations/specific interests!!

USE SPEAKING TONES AND USE THEM CORRECTLY

3- my personal experience with autism and how i try to manage my symptoms"

keep in mind that this is MY experience, everybody experiences autism differently as it is A SPECTRUM also i alr said it but don't use this post as a tool for diagnosis ok? o

ever since i was a kid i always had a lot of friends and i always talked to adults as if it was a normal thing, my parents always were like "don't do this this can be dangerous" but i kept soing this bc to me they were nice

AWFUL TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS ( it probably has to see w my adhd) but i always arrive an hour too early or 30 minutes late, there is no in between

not liking ppl my age therefore only befriending older/younger ppl

having a "higher than average" intelligence (it led me to a burnout 💀/lh)

not understanding undertones esp irl ones, and having trouble telling the difference between platonic and romanic feelings

having a hard time identifying my identity (esp gender one) (xenogenders here i come /pos)

either feeling everyone's emotions or nothing at all, also having no empathy because i never know how i have to feel for example right after they vent to me

liking "more adult" stuff such as psychology and murders, yet liking very childhish stuff

pattern recognition, like always guessing how movies end/ who the killer is

finding deep interests in subjects that are not common to my age

low to no empathy, not knowing how to react when ppl vent to me/talk to me abt sensitive subjects

always seeing things as a spectrum, instead of a "yes or no" perspective i always see things as "yes,no, maybe" like nothing is binary

not knowing when things are inappropriate, always saying my mind

staring at things/people i find pretty because they're visually stimulating

so many more tbh but i think that's alr a lot x)

ty for reading ily! im sorry this took weeks bc of procrastination 😭

ily have a nice day! - kanahari/ @kana-has-no-rizz 🩶

#autism awareness #autism #actually autism #actually autistic #mental health #mental health and mindfulness

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lianabrooks · 2 years

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They Let Me Back In!

Somehow, during the fun Tumblr updates where they added new buttons to everything, my Tumblr got vanished for no known reason. I went to log on and got a screen saying my account was terminated.

No email.

No explanation.

Just banishéd.

That was Saturday night in Korea (which is where I currently live) and so I sent an email the following morning. And 24 hours after that. Then remembered Tumblr is in English and they probably follow more American hours and might not work weekends (because some people get time off? this may be a rumor).

So I waited, debating making a new account.

And Thursday morning (Korean time) I had an email saying it was just a mistake, sorry, here's your account back and everything was restored.

So... what did I learn?

I am probably using Tumblr too much... I click on Tumblr mid-workflow because I want to think. I want to scroll mindlessly looking at shiny, happy, dopamine-producing things while my brain works over a bigger problem in the background. I was aware of this already. I use Twitter for news, FB for networking, and Tumblr for thinking. I wasn't aware of how much I relied on it to be my think-y place until it wasn't there. I probably need to replace some of my Tumblr time with exercise, meditation, or a non-screen something just to rest my eyes.

I need to back up things better... One of my RL jobs is editing fiction and nonfiction for small presses and authors who hire me to freelance for them. Because Tumblr is where I talk about fandom it also has references to costume design, speech therapy, and literary nuance that I haven't put on my professional blog because it isn't related to my books (and also because I kinda hate blogging and updating my website?). The problem here is that Tumblr can delete my entire account without warning but Wordpress can't because I paid for the domain name and product. Wordpress can stop working, but the links will still work because the domain name stays the same. A big project for this week is moving all my reference posts over to the website and saving them to my external harddrive for reference (and also reference books I intend to pub next year).

I missed you???? ... Weird as it sounds since I don't actually know most my Tumblr mutuals in RL, I missed seeing your latest hyperfixations and GIFS. I hope you're all doing okay.

Anyways... Tumblr staff let me back in and I'm here until they get worried about where I'm logging in from again (the non-editing RL job has me moving more than usual and using a VPN thing so I can log into US websites like Office Depot...).

TL:DR - My life got a little weirder than usual and Tumblr deleted me but then apologized and I'm back, but still weird. :)

#Tumblr Terminated #unexcused absence #life is weird

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grntaire · 2 years

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i might actually start using this hellsite again tbqh

i started using tumblr after i found it thru fanfiction (lmao) and felt relieved to find a community of people who felt as passionately about media as i did. i felt so much less alone and like maybe i wasn't that weird afterall. a decade later, i learned about my adhd and came to realize in retrospect that i wasn't weird for caring so deeply about books and tv shows–i was a traumatized young teenager and found solace in fiction, specifically by hyperfixating.

when i first started using tumblr, i was so ashamed of it. i hid it from everyone. i thought i was weird and a loser and convinced myself i was so out of touch with reality. and maybe i was, but i still did normal kid things too. i hung out with my friends, i played with makeup, i listened to music too loud, i ran around the mall because that was the cool thing to do. this site made me feel simultaneously so isolated and so seen.

i always assumed i wouldn't use it as an adult. because that was "lame" and i figured i'd get over the things i cared about and would move on with my life and magically mature into what i thought my idea of an adult was. turns out that that version of adulthood was a fallacy. adulthood is, en masse, what you make of it.

the weight of capitalism sits heavy on my shoulders but i'm lucky enough to have a fierce passion for something that makes money (at least in theory). but my trauma has gotten so much in the way of my life that i don't drive at all. my anxiety lives so deeply within my bones and i don't know how to get it out. my therapist says that trauma lives in the body, and i'm very much finding that to be true. but i want nothing more than to get it out.

my therapist also says that i'm a "deep thinker." i feel so aware that i'm oblivious. so obsessively thinking about all the things that could go wrong that i don't have the bandwidth to think about how to make things go right.

so i'm not sure how i feel about using this website more. but i find that typing my feelings out and posting them and putting them into the universe helped a lot as a teenager. a decade later, i think i've outgrown the first level of shame i felt at the idea of being an adult using this site. i'm allowed to do things that bring me joy, and maybe pseudo-anonymously posting my feelings, thoughts, and desires onto the internet again will help heal the teenage version of me that so deeply longs for help, comfort, and understanding in a space free of judgement. i think i'm ready to be that for myself.

#personalz

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dorizardthewizard · 14 days

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High School Musical (2006) rewatch

*sigh* so... some time ago my friends and I rewatched this movie and I don't know whether it's the nostalgia or my usual love for cheesy low budget movies but I haven't been able to get this trilogy out of my head. So of course I ended up writing like 8k words of ramblings about each movie with nowhere to share them but the Random Hyperfixations Website, in the hopes that maybe one (1) person would find them mildly interesting. If not, future me could get a laugh or two!

I will also be tier ranking the songs as I go because why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Part 1: The Start of Something New

Aaahhh nostalgia 😭 and I only remember watching this one like once or twice as a kid lmao, it just feels so quintessentially 2000’s

Are the ski lifts working at this hour? Guess it must be a special New Years thing, sounds fun skiing at midnight but you know no one there is sober, New Year or not :P Après ski started hours ago!

Mrs. Montez: Gabby, it's New Year's Eve. Enough reading. Gabriella: But mom, I'm almost done!

I was literally like Gabriella at parties – ok granted I was like 12, but whenever we’d go to gatherings with family friends I’d either bring a book or this tiny notepad and pencil I’d fold up in my pocket so I could doodle whenever I got bored or socially awkward. People would compliment my drawings and make requests so I guess it worked out?

Also the mums' fits aren't great, looks like they’re wearing theatre costumes.

YOU TAKE IT DOWNTOWN! 🔥🔥🏀🔥🔥🔥🏀🏀

Mrs Bolton: Did we really fly all this way to play more basketball? Troy and Mr Bolton: ...........yeah?

I relate to this because my mum would also have to tear my dad and brother away from the beach volleyball courts when we go on holiday. I mean I play too during the year but I prefer to laze around or swim when we’re at the beach

“I don’t sing, I can't sing!” 10 seconds later….

"Some day you guys might thank me for this" This karaoke guy is hilarious, I choose to believe he is a fourth wall breaking omniscient being. It would be hilarious if somehow, Troy and Gabriella ran into him some day before getting married

Why are there screens showing the party in the back lol

Aaaaand the opening song! The one that started it all!!!!!

I love how no one cares about them doing the karaoke at first

So for Start of Something New I’d put it in A tier, it’s catchy and cute, and idk the instrumentation just sounds pretty 2000’s like it reminds me of the OG Winx Club score? I like how, despite the song literally just being them standing there on the platform, they make it interesting by having this progression through the song where at first they’re just giving each other shy glances, Troy is ready to leave after a couple of lines because he assumes Gabriella doesn’t want to do it, but then she actually joins in. Eventually when the music picks up, they start interacting with each other properly and Troy takes his jacket off, with Gabriella now grabbing the mic instead of standing hunched over. And once they’re into it, they have great chemistry! You love to see them open up and have fun.

Also Gabriella looks so pretty in that outfit and so cute when she’s nervous!

The way the karaoke guy stands up like he was right all along hahahaha. Cupid’s arrow has been shot.

Gabriella: I guess I better find my mom and wish her a happy new year Troy: Yeah, me too. I mean, not your mom. My mom. And dad...

Waaahhhh they’re so cute and Troy’s such a dork. Gabriella must have been so surprised to hear he’s the school’s number 1 jock boy LOL

Flip phones! I kept mine until 2015 but everyone thought it was so cool because it was a pink square shaped Alcatel with a full keypad B)

I feel like we don’t talk enough about the fact that Troy and Gabriella go skiing. Like is that unusual for a brainiac in this universe? Especially if she snowboards? Just imagine Gabriella tearing down the slopes and doing tricks :’P

#high school musical #hsm #high school musical (2006)#dori watches hsm #<- you can block that tag haha #my posts #man i've just been revisiting the 2000s these last 2 years huh #probably nothing i say would be new but whatever #troy bolton #gabriella montez #hsm liveblog

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moekawa · 3 months

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i need help . . . o(╥﹏╥)o

ok first of all i’m reallyyyyy sorry for not posting on this blog .ᐟ.ᐟ i sort of forgot about it . . .

second of all, i’m struggling with something - i’ll put it under a cut since not everyone wants to see people ramble about their possible disorders .ᐟ

please note that under the cut , there may be mentions of trauma & all sorts of things related to mental disorders; so please assume that anything associated may be mentioned .ᐟ

ok , hiiii .ᐟ so , i’ve been thinking of something that’s been happening for a while now .

i don’t really expect anyone to actually be able to help with this, but i’d like to try to find out . . . and this post might be able to help me get it off my chest + have my thoughts in one place for when i can tell a therapist about it .ᐟ.ᐟ i’m extremely worried about telling people this , so that’s also why i’m posting this here - since not many people know this blog even exists .ᐟ

also , please keep in mind i’m not very sure about anything . . . i’m sorry if i make wrong assumptions or misuse any terms .ᐟ

i’ve always been sort of switching constantly between my favorite stuff - like , i’ve always had a main favorite thing (a special interest maybe .ᐣ.ᐣ i’m about to get evaluated for autism, so this may be the term) , but i constantly switch my second favorite stuff . . . (hyperfixations . . .ᐣ but i don’t know if that term could even apply to me)

for example; my special interest(.ᐣ) in 2020/2021 was danganronpa , but my favorite character would switch constantly (like , to the point i changed my entire layout way more than normal . . .) , and i’m not saying this is a mental issue itself but it did develop into something more

i can’t really remember when i started associating the identity of the character i was currently fixated on with my own , but the earliest time i can remember it happening was around summer 2022 . . . i started associating a character’s whole identity with my own - it wasn’t a delusion and i was aware i still exist , but i was mostly convinced i was that character

i would say it’s just some odd thing happening to me , but it’s happened multiple times , and sometimes it’s the exact same character

maybe my wording 2 lines ago was wrong - it’s less associating and more . . . becoming that character , kind of .ᐣ it like . . . controls everything i do.

it feels real , but yet i can’t stop feeling like i’m secretly just making things up in my brain . . . but then again , i feel like i’d know if i was forcing myself to think this .ᐣ the fact i constantly switch these .ᐣ.ᐣ idk what to call them . . . alters is the term for systems and that’s what i feel like i may have but i don’t feel comfortable using that term until i know more . . . well , whatever , the fact i’m constantly switching is true.

i’ve been looking at countless websites and sources for did & osdd; i feel like the absolutely closest one out of those is osdd-1b , i don’t really have amnesia about the things i do.

my doubts (+ notes trying to figure these doubts out) about this are:

does my trauma actually count .ᐣ (i did have something major at 9 + possibly just . . . emotional neglect all throughout my childhood .ᐣ i can’t tell if it counts but i was just for almost all of my childhood on a screen + repeated stuff recently so maybe that’s why i’m splitting maybe .ᐣ.ᐣ still don’t like using those terms since i’m not 100% sure)

almost everyone is a fictional character (1 is like… a group of fictional characters mashed together . . .ᐣ i feel like splitroject would describe that but i’m also not sure) (the other just goes by my online name and’s the host maybe .ᐣ.ᐣ) (from a small search it seems like this is possible but i’ll have to look more into it - also all my life i’ve kinda found comfort in fictional characters more than my own made up ones , idk if that could play a part .ᐣ)

online people are just influencing me (i proved this wrong earlier in this post about how what i’m experiencing is real and i know i’m not coming up with this since it’s been happening for a while)

straight up denial (i have a MASSIVE fear of being wrong and i feel like that’s where this starts happening . . . i know lots of people say it’s okay to be wrong about yourself but it’s too scary . . . + i’ve always relied on other people to help me discover myself but with a disorder like this it’s hard to seek help from anyone that isn’t a professional - especially when i’m too scared to open up about it) (this also comes from me looking at those fakeclaiming subreddits that say things like “13 year olds can’t recognize they’re a system” (i do think it would be hard - i still have a giant chance of being wrong and even then i’m questioning myself like crazy) and i think it’s just fed me misinformation (not to say other social media isn’t feeding me just as much misinformation))

the “funny” thing is just recently i had a switch where i dissociated which kind of proves that what i’m experiencing is real + i’ve seen several times that denial is common

anyways i think one more thing i need to get off my chest since it’s mostly fictional characters - i don’t think i’m an irl or fictionkin of my alters(.ᐣ) since not only does switching describe it more than shifting , but when they switch they take control , something fictionkins don’t do. also , being an irl means you have psychosis or a delusion or something related to that; i don’t have psychosis.

also, for coping-links; i didn’t choose to have these alters(.ᐣ) , so it doesn’t make it a coping-link.

EDIT!!!! so about switching , when it happened my brain felt a little funny , but i thought i was just overthinking. when i woke up though , my brain didn’t feel like that , even when i was thinking a lot about my brain. also , i was thinking about myself and honestly i don’t really feel like one person. i feel like multiple people. i was also thinking about bpd, but wouldn’t that just change my personality constantly , not me as a person .ᐣ i’ve always preferred referring to myself as ‘us’ when i talk to my mom though , which is strange. i’m not too sure yet though , so i’ll keep doing more research .ᐟ

i can’t really think of anything else to add here . . . i’m going to do more research tomorrow , i just needed to get this down. please reply if i said anything wrong/misleading .ᐟ

#emyu needs help !!#other specified dissociative disorder #osdd 1b #osdd #system #trying to figure something out #osdd system #please note that i’m only like… 60 to 70% sure if i’m a system #do NOT take this as if i’m an actual system since i’m still unsure #also i did research but i may or may not be wrong #+ the internet has lots of misinformation #also plz don’t say “ur valid!!!” without reading and comprehending #it’s validating but if i’m wrong it could be harmful #DO UR OWN RESEARCH IF U SEE THIS AND UR QUESTIONING TOO BTW I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING MORE THAN YOU DO!!!!

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girl-in-the-library · 2 years

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So I was just thinking about how I conceptualize media. I had read a post on here that had a sentence that basically boiled down to: most people, even those who are terminally online, haven’t read a fanfiction. And it made me realize that those of us in fandom consume media in a very unique way, and in a way that makes it difficult to conceptualize consuming media in a DIFFERENT way.

And I’m not inherently talking about shipping here, though yes, shipping is a big part of it. But the way fandom consumes a person and the mindspace it takes up. And I’m not talking about a hyperfixation either, even though various media properties can and often are hyperfixations by those of us with ADHD, autism, and other neuro-atypical comorbitities.

For example, here is a story about how I became friends with a girl in my Masters program:

We had been talking casually in classes. I was very clearly, unambiguously, a nerdy person - I wore Pokemon suspenders and had various nerdy keychains on my keys, among other things. My new friend had told me that she was, at the time, trying to hide her nerdiness and “be normal.” One day, after a night class, she offered me a ride home, because I lived out in the suburbs and would have had to take an hour long train ride to get back. In the car, we were talking about what we had done over spring break, and I mentioned that I started playing Persona 5. She told me that she was probably going to play that game, as she liked Persona 4 when she had played it.

My first question for her was, “Who do you ship?”

She likes to joke that I immediately clocked her as a “fujo weeb” who shipped SouYo, but at the time I asked the question, I asked it because there was no consideration in my mind that you can play that game and come out not shipping, regardless of what the ship was.

For all I knew, she didn’t care about shipping at all. For all I knew, she played the game for gameplay’s sake exclusively - loving the battles and soundtrack, etc. For all I knew, she played the game, enjoyed it, and that was it. It may not have taken up any more space in her mind besides being a game she played and enjoyed.

It was my assumption that she was involved in fandom. I mentioned the Bad Bad Bathhouse, and yes, she knew what I was talking about, but if I had actually thought about it, that was an unlikely scenario.

We are on the Fandom Website here on tumblr. There are subsections of Fandom Twitter and Fanom Reddit...but some of the things we do are considered strange to most people as they experience media.

My sister and I will watch an anime together, or we’ll both play a game - and we’ll both enjoy it. But then she’ll be done, or maybe she’ll watch a YouTube video about a show theory or something. Whereas I’ll dive into the discussion online, look up fanfiction and art of my favorite characters, and, even if I don’t /get involved/ with the community with my own contributions, it’ll be a part of my life for a lot longer than it is a part of my sister’s life.

One example: Undertale. I would not consider myself in the Undertale fandom. I adored the game, I am and will continue to play Deltarune as it comes out, and I enjoy memes, art, and even occasionally will purchase merch, if I really like it. I talk about it with friends, or strangers, even. I reblog meta on tumblr. But I don’t contribute to the fandom via my own meta, memes, or fanfic...therefore, I enjoy Undertale fandom, but I am not /in/ Undertale fandom. My sister played Undertale, told me she liked it, and that was it. She might play Deltarune when it is all finally released. But it was just a game she enjoyed, and that was that.

Even when my sister is obsessive about something, she never involves herself in a fandom way. She has played hundreds of hours of Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing. But she doesn’t even go online to find patterns, and I’m not even sure she talks to her villagers in either...she mostly just fishes for hours on end. The one game I would consider her to be really obsessed with is the original Luigi’s Mansion. She has played and beaten that game tens of times. She played until she got literally the highest possible score. She tried to speedrun the game (she is not a speedrunner, and I’m not sure she has even heard of speedrunning as a thing). She plays until she gets her favorite portraits of all the ghosts in one playthrough. She would play every year on Thanksgiving until we no longer had our Gamecube...then our Wii.

My sister is OBSESSED with Luigi’s Mansion. But that’s it. She doesn’t look up lore. She doesn’t talk with other fans (besides me and maybe one of her friends). She doesn’t talk meta, or game strats, or buy fanart or even look at fanart on the internet. She just plays the game.

And on some level, that’s mind-boggling to me. Of course there are things I enjoy that I DON’T get involved in the fandom for at all - one example is the Paper Mario games, or even one of my current favorite animes “My Next Life as a Villianess: All Routes Lead to Doom.” I’m not involved in the fandoms for those at all, but I also wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with them in the way that my sister is obsessed with Luigi’s Mansion. When I’m as interested in something like my sister is with Luigi’s Mansion, I dive DEEP. I get into fanfiction, fanart, merch, lore, meta, discussions, debates, shipping. And even though I don’t do any of that for, say, My Next Life as a Villianess...I STILL have my ships for that show, and I STILL look at merch sometimes. I will talk to people about it, I will read the occasional meta. I don’t really seek it out, but I am happy to enjoy what I find. And that’s me when I’m NOT involved.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. Just that, I suppose, some people can enjoy things without making any of it a facet of their personality.

TL;DR - fandom is a very unique way of interacting with media, and I don’t think a lot of us understand exactly how “weird” it is.

#oh the inanity!#fandom #fandom meta #meta

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thegingeralien · 3 years

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Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

#ADHD #Study tips #actually adhd #autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #adhd study tips #advice #adhdstudytips #studying with adhd #adhd advice #ask adhd #adhd mood #adhd life #adhd vibe #disability support #uni support #school advice

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bellamyblakru · 2 years

Text

a very beginner’s guide to gif making (ashley’s version)

(ill be using one of my favorite merthur smiles in this example from 4x01 when they are alone together with the dorocha)

for @its-hyperfixation and @mykingdomcomeundone !! sorry its taken me so long to do this sigh this was my first free night lately 😭😭

download free ad blocker (i use uBlock Origin). pls dont skip this step, it protects you and your computer from the bad ads!!

go to a completely “free website” aka illegal lol. i use yes.movies because that is what im used to, but you can use whatever one you prefer.

go to merlin bbc, click the episode you want, and record. on my “not as cool HP computer”, i have to click the windows flag button and the key “g” to record my screen, but your computer might have a button for it already to just go right to recording. if you are not sure, google your computer type and how to screen record (its fast to learn!!)

THE SHORTER THE SCENE THE BETTER! tumblr only takes up to 10mb gifs, so normally thats up to 3.5 second scenes if you color them too. however, if you are doing black and white, you can get away with longer scenes (this is what i did for my very first gifset actually LOL they were eight seconds long dude)

go to this website to convert to gif: https://ezgif.com/video-to-gif

chose the file of the video where asked, upload, then where it says: Frame rate (FPS) select 33 (max 10 seconds) for a better quality gif, and convert

WOO your first gif!! this process isnt done, but im proud you got this far!! 🥰

now, go to resize. this is important since tumblr gifs are usually up to 540 width and 330 height (these are my normal go-to proportions). lately, ive been liking the more square looks, so 540:340 or 540:440 works too! if your gif has too many movements, a square look might not be the best choice. (if you are doing two side by side gifs i recommend 268:230, and if you are doing three side by side 177:177 works best (learned from maria my beloved)). you dont need to change anything else here. (if your gif is over 10mb for some reason, you can optimize -> lossy gif and go in small units to not ruin the quality too much).

now, i like to make my gifs a bit slower to make it more like a slow moment in time. press speed if you wanna do this and explore different settings!! i like to do 80% usually, but here i did 70%. here is what we have so far:

not too bad!! but as you can see, this scene is rather dark and gloomy and their smiles deserves something better in my opinion, so OFF TO PHOTOPEA WE GO (free photoshop my beloved)

10. now we are at https://www.photopea.com/ and click file and open up our bad boy. DONT BE INTIMIDATED!! there are so, so many choices, but it is solely up to your preference and desired look. i like my gifs bright and saturated, but you might not, and thats okay!! you can fuck with all of these things over time (i do still LOL)

11. THE BASICS: go to layer -> new adjustment layer -> color balance. you do this layer first if you are going to use it at all. you’ll soon find that merlin has a very yellow early seasons and an extremely blue later seasons (it drives me crazy), so here is where you just mess with them til you get a baseline look you like. i start with shadows and go up from there (i dont change too intense ever. i go up or down like 6/7 the most on blue or red at any gif tbh). for this gif im working on, i want it to look less blue, so ill focus on the blue mostly.

12. now, remember all of these steps are optional and this is just the order i go, but that is not the only way. do what you feel makes the gif to your liking!! i then go to selective color (i like doing the contrast with the black coloring option here more than the choice later, but it up to you). i mostly make most of the colors darker here so the lightening later looks a bit cleaner.

13. next for me is the hue/saturation layer. i normally try to avoid using this, but it may be needed if you want to make the gif a bit less red or smth like that. if i want one particular to be really saturated, ill do that here at this level. its good to put this third tho if you are gonna use it.

14. vibrance layer time!! i love this bitch. i go ham with it fnesfljesfk i like my stuff really saturated (like “i went up 45″ hard). i dont usually use the actually vibrance option on top since i read in a post by the incredible maria that it makes gifs more grainy (btw @arthurpendragonns taught me like so much. her gifs are TOP TIER and literally take my breath away every time. so fucking talented man. the goddess of gifmaking, if you will).

15. then i click brightness/contrast and THROW THAT BRIGHTNESS UPPPP. here i just went up to 126 LOL. (this is where my comment about the selective color comes up. you can do contrast here, but i think it looks better if you increase the black in the black selective color option. again, up to you)

16. CURVES LAYER MY BELOVED. i literally just fuck with the curve on RGB until i like it lolol

17. im going back to the hue/saturation to make the blue pop more since it is so much in the background!! and then just fuck with them all to get something you like!! this gif is making me upset so i redid it rn lnrelkjfrmf

18. ADD TEXT IF YOU WANT!! we can do blending two gifs together and fun text stuff next time if you want in another list (lmk!! ill do anything if u want it).

19. woo! she done now. onto the next gif to start this over, or one and done! ive never done this kind of tutorial before, in the past ive just went live on my discord and some people have sat in to watch the process, so let me know if you wanna join my server to do this, too, if you are more of a watch learner than reading!!

20: the final product (not my best work frdiusnr im sorry ive been writing this up for like three hours LOL)

#ashley rambles #im so sorry its taken me so long kjfesf i finally have some free time to make this #gif making by me #tutorial #merlin #bbcmerlin #bbcm #merthur

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20dollarlolita · 2 years

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Please rate my Singer Starlet 6660 that I bought in 2015 or 2016 that's been with me through various con crunches as well as ADHD hyperfixations where I sew for 3 weeks straight, both always followed by long periods of Not Fucking Touching It. It's cheap but it's mine and I will probably cry when it decides to pass on to the sewing machine afterlife.

Singer Starlet 6660 has the same display setup as one of the ones my job sells, and it's not my absolute favorite stitch selection option. However, the thing that makes it really annoying on my store's version is that there's 99 stitches to slog your way through before you get back to the one you want to look at, and the Starlet only has 60, which is an actual advantage here.

It's computerized but it doesn't have a speed control, which is interesting to me since that's the biggest advantage of a computerized machine. I really like where the tension dial is on these. That's just a cosmetic call, but I feel like it's a nice place that's out of the way instead of adding to the list of things on the top of the machine.

I can't tell from the pictures on Singer's website but this looks like it might(?) have more space to the right of the needle than the standard Singer machine? At the higher end of machines, the price difference between 8" of space to the right of the needle and 10" of space to the right of the needle is like $500, so if that one has an extra half inch or something, that's worth like twenty points, right?

Something that sounds like it's good for your specific sewing activity patterns is that lower end Singers like this are permanently lubricated largely through the use of things like plastic bearings, so they don't "lock up" if they're not used the same way that machines with greased gear boxes would. Higher priced machines have other ways around this problem, but it's just a perk of how yours is designed that sounds like it's really well set up to have periods of high activity next to extended inactivity.

Pretty much all the negatives I have about this machine also apply to every Singer machine that's currently available, as well as every machine that's meant to be thrown away instead of repaired. I can say it all till the cows come home and still be ready to say it again.

There's nothing really in this machine that would stop someone from being able to complete a normal project. You're not going to sew leather or something on it. You might find that, at some point, you'll need to move onto a machine that has more power or some features that you don't currently have, but for now you have a machine that's not stopping you from making things you want to make.

At the end of things, it sounds like not only have you developed an emotional attachment to this machine, but you're very comfortable with how the various features work together. If you're in love with it, trust your judgement. It deserves to be loved.

#20dollarlolita plays ratemymachine

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