#i mean i used those scenes bc i just love hugs A Lot but there are tons of times in s3 where he's supporting theothers and encouraging them
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I think about these two moments a lot
of people hanging in each other's arms, being held up when they're overwhelmed (be it in a time of heartbreak or even in a time of joy and relief). And about how so much of Jamie's journey was about him growing strong enough and supported and stable enough to be able to pay that grace forward and hand it out to others.
#he goes from being the team diva and the team baby to being one of the *leaders*#one of the pillars that holds them all up and i get so emotional about it 😭#i mean i used those scenes bc i just love hugs A Lot but there are tons of times in s3 where he's supporting theothers and encouraging them#(still a diva tho 😊. obviously)#jamie tartt#ted lasso#not tagging c*lin much as i love him bc the people searching his tag are probably looking for more him-centric posts#same with r*y probably? idk#however#royjamie#and#roy x jamie#are totally fair game tho 😉
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i wanna speak to the void abt gwens universe's colour symbolism and how it links to trans identity so here it is, feel free to read
the colours used in gwens universe - primarily in interactions with her dad are pinkish and bluish tones. the animators used pink as a way to show honesty, candidness and openness expressed, whilst the blue served to show isolation and dishonesty. ill discuss why i think so below
in the scene where gwen returns home after quitting the band, gwen is coloured in blue tones.
shes hiding her identity as spiderwoman from her dad and isolating herself in her room.
her dad tries to open up and talk to her about the case, hence the warm/orangey tones. but gwen remains blue, shutting him out. but when they hug, gwen is more purplish, showing a hint of her opening up.
the other scene i think is especially significant with her colour symbolism is the confrontation after the guggenheim sequence.
when gwen comes out as spiderwoman, the colours start to shift.
gwen is now candid, shes come out to her dad and is trying to make him listen and understand her. but just like gwens blues became pinks, george's pinks shift to blue.
the last image in this set is actually so chilling, the fear in his eyes hurt me deeply 💀 anyway
george hides behind his cop persona, avoiding and isolating from gwens confession to him, which is supported by the colour used to portray him.
all of this builds to what i think theyre trying to say about gwen being transgender. the typical gender to colour association is pink girl and blue boy. the choice of colour is deliberate here as much as it usually is with the spiderverse team. why use these two colours in this specific way? a lot of people who dont think gwen is a trans girl will say "well those two colours dont have to represent trans identity" they dont, but the details say that the spiderverse team (once again) is intentionally using them to talk about trans identity and coming out.
i think that by putting the "protect trans kids" poster in gwens room, and the trans flag patch on officer stacy's jacket show that theyre not just randomly picking the colours, but that they made the conscious choice for the boy associated colour - blue - to show hiding and isolation. whilst pink is about honesty and openness whilst being the girl associated colour. i think that the use of these colours in this way is saying that gwen is a trans woman.
and if ur still not convinced well
i havent even talked about the DIALOGUE in this movie and how trans it is. her arc (and miles' arc) across the two movies is such a queer coded story. "can i tell my dad, will he approve of me? will he still love me the same?" like it couldnt be more obvious. someone also mentioned somewhere that the side shave is also significant? like when she has the long hair facing toward the viewers its the same as the pink being used to show honesty and linked to femininity, and the short side almost like a masc haircut and being of the opposite meaning when its facing the audience. idk abt that one but its an interesting thought! that as well as her like having the same shoe size as hobie even tho that man is so fucking tall - yk this cuz her chucks are stated to be his.
anyways if u got that far, thanks???
and if u still deny that gwen is trans then idk what to say, u prob hate trans ppl
gwen is trans, they dont need to explicitly say it inorder for it to be true, just bc they didnt say gwen is trans, or miles is somehow queer, or hobie is gender non conformist, doesnt mean theyre cishet.
#across the spider verse#spiderverse#into the spiderverse#gwen stacy#george stacy#atsv#itsv#trans#transgender#transfem#gwen is trans#colour symbolism#color symbolism#gender#gender identity#queer#pride#spider punk#hobie brown#miles morales#punk#gender noncomformity
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The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.4
sim jaeyun x afab!reader
warnings: suggestive, heartache (lots of it), flirty heeseung bc i can't resist, angst, confrontations, pet names, ynjake are so obvious it hurts.
wc: 9.7k+
synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.
part 3 | part 5
a/n: so i was gonna stop this chapter earlier than it is here but I think having the last scene in this chapter makes sense! also I know nowt about physics so when they start talking about it just pretend it makes sense pls <3
In the guest room, Eunseo is deciding what to wear, it’s between her usual jeans and a crop top or playsuit she bought 2 years ago that she swears makes her look ‘snatched’. In your eyes, she always looks beautiful. “Why are you stressing? It’s just dinner.”
“Um,” She looks at you like you have 12 heads, “YOU should be stressing, Heeseung and you are sat next to each other.”
“Wait, what? We have designated seats?” You question.
Rolling her eyes she fixes her hair in the mirror, “Obviously, I mean, there are like 14 of us.” You knew that but no one came up with a breakfast seating plan so why now?
“I’m fine in this,” You look down at your midi dress and white cropped cardigan, “It’s simple and cute, and I am NOT trying to impress Hee.” You cross your arms to protest but Eunseo turns sharply and quips up, “You just called him Hee! That’s a nickname, see, destined to be.” If only she knew. In your defense, it was never that Heeseung was unattractive but Jaeyun was the only person you ever thought of, you didn’t have to think about anyone else.
You point to the playsuit for her to choose. As she goes to get changed there is a knock at the door, “Come on in.” you say just lower than a shout and Mrs Sim walks into the room. Urgently, you stand up and brush yourself down, ironing out the creases as best you can, “Hi Mrs. Sim. What can I do you for?”
“I’m just here to let you girls know that everyone is downstairs waiting for you.” She nods and eyes you up and down. “Tell Eunseo to hurry up please.” She smiles and goes to leave but you hold her arm to stop her.
“Why didn’t you use the money you saved up for this wedding?” You question, too impatient to wait and ask Heeseung later on. With a sigh she turns to you, cursing Heeseung’s name under her breath.
“She’s rich, I’m not, the family didn’t need my money.” Her face is screwed up, wanting to tell you more, wanting to tell you the truth, "Honestly, Y/N? We aren't thrilled with the wedding but at the end of the day it is happening. Nothing I can do."
“Mrs. Sim?” You call out to her as she is leaving, “I missed you.”
Her shoulders slump but a smile adorns her face, “I missed you too, Y/N. More than anything.” As she finishes her sentence you rush to hug her tightly, making up for the lost years. “Shh.” Her hand strokes your back as you hold in your sobs, “You had your reasons,” Mrs. Sim pulls away and looks you deep in the eyes, “If those reasons don’t matter anymore, you should do what you think is best.” As you look at Jaeyun’s mother leave you take in her words and how she looked at you, like she was telling you a secret you didn’t know, and you’re still clueless.
Eunseo emerges from the bathroom, dressed and ready for the night, “Ta-da!”
You give her a thumbs up and a weak smile, “You look amazing.” She jumps happily and clasps her hands. “Then if we are both ready,” She reaches her hands to yours, “Let's go.”
Making your entrance to the dining room was weirdly calm, knowing you had Heeseung by your side set your mind at ease. Eunseo addresses everyone with a hello and bow and you follow, the whole family smiles and greets you. A single place next to Heeseung and…
Jaeyun.
“Shit” you mumble under your breath as you walk towards your seat, smiling at everyone as you pass. Heeseung’s hand strokes your hip, guiding you to your seat, “I was wondering when you were going to come down.” His smile dazzles up at you as you tuck your dress under and sit on the white satin seats. The set up for this dinner is a little fancy but this must just be how rich people did things.
“Eunseo takes forever to get dressed.” Playfully rolling your eyes you get comfy, ignoring the tempting presence to your right, but it’s harder than expected. Jaeyun is wearing beige trousers with a mint green jumper accented by a white collar, and he looks beautiful, like the sun on a cold winter day, “Hi, Jake.”
His face frowns, not used to you calling him Jake, “Hello, Y/N.” His head tilts forward in your direction before facing forward pretending to listen to the conversation happening between his and Yeoreum’s parents. You want to reach out for his hand, tell him you missed him, tell him what a stupid mess you are, but as you stretch your hand out, Heeseung’s fingers interlock with yours. “Don’t” He whispers, pulling your body with his other hand to face him, “Focus on me, Y/N.” You nod and shift to Heeseung as he smiles, “You’re too close to the attentive members of the family, pretend I’m the one you want even for a few hours.”
It takes all your will power but heading his advice, you focus on him. “Thank you, Hee.”
Jaeyun hears it all, how Heeseung’s voice holds adoration, he sees how your fingers are intertwined. He is furious, his jaw clenched, and as much as he tries to remind himself he shouldn’t be possessive over you, it comes so naturally that he can’t help it. In every atom of his being, you are still his and he is still yours.
Heeseung’s thumb brushes over the back of your hand to settle your nerves. As Mr. and Mrs. Son bring out dinner, they place a vegetarian meal in front of you, and you glance at everyone else who has steak on their plate. You aren’t a vegetarian by any means but you are thankful since you hate red meat in general. But how did they know? You never told them about your distaste for red, especially bloody and rare, meat, and that's when a voice interjects your thoughts, “I told the cook you were veggie since you can’t eat any red meat that isn’t burnt to the heavens.” A chuckle follows the sentence and you turn to your side to face Jaeyun.
“Dig in!” Mrs. Son exclaims and gestures to the expansive amount of food in front of you all. You don’t know where to begin but Heeseung helps you as he picks up the bowl of marrowfat peas and scoops some onto your glistening white plate. You hold it up as he continues to pile the plate with food for you, not asking what you like because through what seemed like 20 million conversations about you with Jake, he learned enough about you. Heeseung sets the tongs and spoon down in their respective places and glances at you.
“Thank you.” your voice comes out no louder than a whisper. Just like the pepper incident earlier, Jaeyun knew you well enough to cater to your needs and it made your stomach flip. He nods courteously and faces his fiance once again, leaving you grateful but your heart is tired of pretending that his actions aren’t making you fall more in love with him. All the effort you made to try and bury your feelings deeply is unraveling with every passing moment.
“That okay?” It was more than okay, he picked all your favourites, but you simply nodded and smiled at him in gratitude and he smiled at you briefly before eating the food in front of him.
This was abnormal for you. Your parents were loving and affectionate of course, but you never really had dinner like this, a feast upon your eyes and having the option to choose. Usually, your mum or dad would come home from work, come in, find something in the freezer, and shove it into the oven. Nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary, but enough. You were always grateful.
“Baby, can you pass the salt?” Jaeyun says lowly and without thinking you reach out and pass him it, which he accepts gladly. You don’t notice the air shift until Heeseung’s eyes fall on you, wide and uncomfortable, and unfortunately, he isn’t the only one with that look on his face. As you scan around, half of the table, including Mr. and Mrs. Sim are looking at you incredulously, and then it dawns on you what you did. You aren’t his baby anymore.
Jaeyun is none the wiser, pouring the problematic salt on his food before setting it down and digging into his food. Yeoreum side-eyes you both, and only you seem to notice, making you extra uncomfortable because at least if Jaeyun acknowledged it, you could both cover your asses together, but you guess this is up to you now.
“Oh um, the salt was just there, thought I would save Yeoreum the hassle.” You say not daring to look at anyone. Your voice sparks Jaeyun’s attention and all eyes shift to him, who simply looks at you with confusion, but when your eyes plead with him to say something he understands the gravitas of the situation, “Thanks, Y/N. I guess the salt was closer to you.”
It’s innocent, the scenario that just happened, but after the whispers, the apple juice, and now this, someone could easily suspect something. You nod and go to eating your food, however, you still feel eyes on you. Yeoreum. Her gaze is too intense for you not to feel but you don’t chance a look at her.
“Come here.” Heeseung’s raspy voice flutters through your ears and you look at him, his face inches from your own and then, his lips on your forehead. They felt different, foreign compared to your ex-lovers, but pleasant. Heeseung and you had observing your surroundings as a common trait so when he saw Yeoreum eyeing you, he had to throw her for a curve.
Yeoreum’s eyes widen and fall back to normal in record time causing Jaeyun to follow her stare.
Red. He sees red as he witnesses another man’s lips on you, regardless of who it is, it should only be his. He grips his cutlery tightly and rips his gaze away before he does something crazy like grab his best friend and beat him to the last inches of his life.
“Hee, it’s okay.” You smile and place a hand over his, “Let's eat, yeah?” Jaeyun scoffs and flicks his food across the plate, suddenly losing his appetite. Jaeyun has always been jealous, this isn’t new information to you, but it makes your brain wonder how he still gets riled up like this even though he isn’t yours anymore.
Your hand instinctively wants to reach to Jaeyun again to reassure him, but you stop yourself, aware of how that would make the situation a million times worse but also, he wasn’t yours to comfort.
The meal goes on and no one bats an eye at you anymore, well, the two boys beside you steal glances as you all eat, but the majority have disregarded salt-gate and you’re thankful.
“Jake, how is the new job?” This is the first time you’ve heard about his new life outside Yeoreum as Mrs. Son asks him the dull question and it makes you remember that the Jaeyun you knew wasn’t the Jaeyun sitting next to you right now.
“It’s good. I’m still learning the ropes but the team is super nice.” He smiles and bows his head lowly when addressing his seniors, something he always did with your parents. Maybe he hasn’t changed that much at all. The answer seems to be acceptable enough as Mrs Son smiles and doesn’t press further.
Jaeyun smiles at you and his demeanor changes to one of glee, “You remember the Jo twins that started that enterprise with aerodynamic cars?” He asks quietly and you nod, eyes getting bigger as you piece the puzzle together before he can even finish the sentence, “Well for my dissertation I did a study on aerodynamic cars and their resiliency in weather adverse conditions, focusing on autonomous vehicles, and they loved it,” His eyes sparkled just like they did all those years ago when he spoke about science stuff, “Offered me a starting position with them in assisting the theory I proposed.”
“What’s the job?” You whisper to him but don’t look up, playing with your food just as he did earlier in the evening.
It was in that moment of Jaeyun speaking that you realised as unorthodox as your leaving was, it was 100 percent the right decision. He had stars in his eyes that would never shine as bright if he hadn’t gone to Apollo and got this opportunity, and for the first time this week, you’re content. Seeing him achieve a dream, or at least on the way to achieving it, made you feel elated.
“I’m so proud of you, Jaeyun.” It was a sincere statement and Jaeyun smiled widely at your words, like they were the words he had been waiting to hear his whole life. His heart is beating rapidly and you think you can hear it thumping against his ribcage, but you don’t mention it. He thanks you and that’s when Yeoreum pulls you both back to reality.
“My Jakey is so smart, aren’t you.” She caught onto your conversation halfway through his excited outburst, “I have no clue what it means but-”
“So you would propose a framework that tested all the elements to understand just how reliable self-driving cars truly are when faced with weather stress and how to adapt them to overcome the stressors?” You don’t mean to butt in but you always loved to speak about these things with Jaeyun, even if it was basic-level knowledge you had.
His focus was on you, his puppy energy radiating through and if he had a tail, it would be wagging right now, “Exactly! Fuck, the main focus these developers had on the vehicles was sensors that focused on detecting other cars and members of the public but say there is a massive hurricane coming, the sensors would trip out, I proposed a study to test the sensors in adverse weather conditions; fog, rain, wind, heat, all of them.”
Jaeyun rambles on about his theories and you fall right back into how it used to be. You listen intently and learn about something you didn’t care about until he starts speaking about it, and he teaches you something new. It was just like old times. Almost.
“Babe, Y/N doesn’t want to hear all that.” Yeoreum laughs and strokes his arm, “Sorry, Y/N, he gets into all this complicated sciencey stuff that no one has a clue about and forgets to stop.” You notice his face turn red in embarrassment as if he’s just been caught doing something indecent. There is a silence that follows Yeoreum’s words until you speak up.
“I think it’s interesting, I would love to hear more about it.”
He’s so in love with you and he really feels it at its purest form in this moment. It’s a simple thing to listen to his interest and he’s grateful you want to engage more in it. You’ve always been like this, supportive of his ways, never judgmental or dismissive. He’s thankful for you.
“You might be the only one.” Yeoreum and her parents laugh, but as you scan the top half of the table, you see Mr and Mrs Sim smile at you, appreciative. You give Jaeyun a look as if to tell him to continue he shakes his head. “It’s okay, it’s boring anyway.”
Your heart breaks a little seeing the fire in his eyes extinguish as he goes back to eating his food. There isn’t any part of you that hates Yeoreum, but right now you are not her biggest fan, but you let it go. His mood changed but he tried to hide it from everyone, smiling and laughing with them. Recklessly, you place a hand on his thigh and squeeze it to reassure him just like you always used to. Usually, it was to comfort him during his friend's teasing, but now seemed as good a time as ever. His eyes drop to where your hand is situated and he smiles, his left hand weighs itself on yours and he’s calmer. “Tell me later. I want to know all about it.” You whisper to him.
“Thank you, Princess.” The nicknames he used to call you fall so easily out his mouth that he never has time to stop them, but you don’t mind. “And by the way,” He says, his voice lower than ever, “I was asking you for the salt earlier.”
______
The next day, Mrs. Son enters you and Eunseo’s temporary room as you straighten your hair. She is dressed up casually for the first time since you arrived, even her pyjamas seem classy and elegant, so as your eyes take in her loose mom jeans, a grey old university jumper that reads ‘Boston University’ across the chest, and her hair covered with a navy baseball cap.
You remember all the walks you and the Sim family went on, your hand glued to Jaeyun’s as you took in the sights of the city, sometimes even taking hikes of your own early in the morning to watch the sunrise. It wouldn’t be like that this time.
“Girls, we’re going for a walk, Jake’s father's idea,” she rolls her eyes at Eunseo who chuckles, continuing to apply her strawberry chapstick, “Wear something comfortable.” Her sigh indicates that she is in fact not thrilled with the choice, never mind the clothing situation. Not to stereotype but it doesn’t seem that the Son family is common enough for a simple walk.
“Um, I think I’ll stay here, this seems like a family thing.” Your voice is a whisper as you try to get out of seeing Yeoreum take your place beside Jaeyun. This was also a good time to get out of this house and go back home before the wedding. Eunseo shakes her head and stands up.
“Be ready in 5 minutes.” Mrs. Son says and leaves the room. It doesn’t take 5 minutes because with Eunseo it takes 23 minutes and 13 seconds according to her dad who timed her.
“Absolutely not! You’re coming with me. I need my girl to motivate me.” Her eyes are pleading and a pout forming on her lips and you find yourself saying yes, just like you did in that cafe earlier in the week. That was the poorest decision of your life so, this couldn’t be much worse.
We walk downstairs to see everyone waiting and Mr Son is impatient, either from Eunseo’s lack of urgency or because he wants this over and done with just like his wife. “You guys are so impatient, I had to find these cute leggings!” Eunseo scoffs and turns around and models the navy blue leggings that do wonders for her ass.
Jaeyun’s eyes roam over your body as you bend down to put on a pair of old trainers Eunseo dug out from her cupboard so you could match “It’s important to colour match, Y/N! I have a pair of shoes in here just give me a minute” she told you. His teeth find their way to his lip as he bites down, the habit he picked up throughout your relationship because he could never hold in his want for you. Jaeyun wants nothing more than to grab your hips and hold you against him because truthfully he missed your body on his.
“Eunseo, sweetie, you’re going for a walk, not to Seoul Fashion Week.” Mr. Son laughs and starts to tie his shoes. She looks disgusted at her father's insinuation that she would ever wear this outfit to a fashion week and grunts as she sits down, putting on her trainers. Unfortunately for you, you didn’t pack any appropriate attire for this so you’re clad in Eunseo���s tight leggings and crop top. It’s exposing and not something you usually wear but it was either that or a sundress and wedges.
Scared of getting caught ogling you, he turns to his fiance and looks down as she clings to his arm, engrossed by a conversation she is having with his mum. He grabs her face towards his and kisses the side of her mouth, aching for a distraction from you but all his mind is occupied with is you. Even as he kisses Yeoreum, he’s thinking about how your lips used to taste, how they felt, he’s starting to forget how they feel and it sinks his heart into his stomach. All these years without you causing his memory to lapse, only remembering how you used to wear cherry lip balm, or was it oil? He needed to kiss you one more time just so he never forgets.
He feels shitty using Yeoreum as a distraction, kissing her not because he inherently wants to but because at least it keeps his mind and eyes off you.
Yeoreum’s hands glide down his arm as she kisses him back, her lips soft but not yours. He knows it’s wrong, to be thinking about someone else while his fiance is draped over him, her hands in his and giggling as she smooches his face.
You finish tying your shoes and turn round to see Jaeyun’s hand on her waist and mouth all over hers and a wave of sickness comes over you, you can’t do this, not now and not ever. Every time you think you’re okay and can control your emotions he does something that sends you spiraling.
A broad chest blocks your vision of him and you feel two big hands land on your shoulders. Heeseung. You glance up and softly smile at him in gratitude for tearing your eyes away from the horror scene of your love’s tongue down someone else’s throat. Heeseung’s hands squeeze your shoulders and his lips on your temple. You don’t recall Heeseung being affectionate like this before but it has been 4 years since you’ve seen him, he’s probably changed a lot, just like Jaeyun.
“Just stick beside me, yeah?” His voice is gentle and sweet, and you agree to stay with him. He has become your unofficial saviour this week and nothing you do will ever be enough to thank him.
Mr. Sim clears his throat to disrupt the couple’s PDA and starts to speak, “We have two cars to get us to the trail since it’s only,” Mr Sim starts to count heads since some of the family are staying behind,“5,6…9 of us, we should be able to fit 5 and 4. I have a bigger car so I’ll take the 5, Jaeyun can take the 4. Who wants in what car?”
Everyone looks around like it's the first day of school and you’re being asked to partner up. Yeoreum is the first to speak, raising her hand excitedly, “I’m in the car with Jakey obviously.” Jaeyun’s bottom lip protrudes as he nods his head. Of course, it made sense, but knowing you would have to witness her in the passenger seat, his hand probably laid on her thigh, you wanted in the other car more than anything else right now.
“I’ll go with Mr. Sim,” Jaeyun’s eyes dart to yours confused but you shrug it off. Eunseo, who is the opposite of Heeseung, seems to be your worst enemy this trip pipes in, “How about all the adults go in one car and we go in the other? I’m sure Y/N wouldn’t mind sitting on Heeseung’s lap, yeah?” Oh, you are going to kill her. Mr. and Mrs. Sim look between each other and share a personal laugh. You’re glad someone is finding it funny.
“Great! It’s settled then. Let us go.” Mrs. Son barges past everyone to get to her seat, mumbling annoyance along the way.
“It’s fine, I hope you got some meat on those thighs.” You say trying to lighten the mood, and it works for a second. Heeseung laughs and wraps his arm around you and guides you to the car before whispering, “My thighs can hold you just fine, Y/N.”
“You okay with that?” Heeseung’s voice is low but filled with concern, he knew what Eunseo was doing and he wasn’t uncomfortable with the idea, but considering you would rather ride with 4 parents, 2 of whom you don’t know and the other 2 aren’t exactly pitching for your team, he guessed you didn’t want to be in Jaeyun’s car.
Heeseung’s laugh runs through your ears and you feel instantly calm.
Jaeyun and Yeoreum get in the front and the three of you sleek into the back. It’s in this moment that confusion clouds your face. “There are enough seats in here? Why would I have to sit on Heeseung’s lap?” Your question is pointed to Eunseo but Jaeyun answers,
“Oh, we have to pick someone up on the way.” His smile was bright and wide, “She’s a diva and likes her own seat.” Tilting your head at him, Jaeyun looks down and laughs lowly as if you should know.
“You can avoid Heeseung’s lap for now until we pick her up.” Eunseo states as she slides into her side. “But after that…” She winks at you as you scoot into the middle seat. Your best friend really was something else.
You decide to focus on the interior of Jaeyun’s old but new to you car. It’s a lot less shabby than the one you knew, with black leather seats that don’t have cracks in them from years of wear and tear, and his old cassette player has been upgraded to a built-in CD system.
“Let’s put on some music!” Yeoreum says as she trifles through a CD case but Jaeyun quickly takes it from her and laughs nervously.
“Why don’t you take the aux like always? I've said before these CD's aren't your thing.” Jaeyun puts the CDs in his glove box and continues to drive forward. It piqued your curiosity about what was in the case. Probably a surprise wedding mixtape he spent forever on with all Yeoreum’s favourite songs, just like he used to do with you. That sickness from earlier starts to bubble, but you swallow it down.
“Fine. Y/N, what do you like to listen to? I know everyone else’s taste but yours!” Yeoreum is so sweet, and it’s killing you a little. If only she was a bitch.
“Um, I think everything,” You say as you watch her add songs into a queue, clearly picking an eclectic mix to keep everyone happy.
The car jerks forward as Jaeyun almost emergency brakes when Heeseung calls you angel. You’re body lunges forward a little at the jerk but Heeseung shields your body, acting as another seatbelt. “Mate, watch what you’re doing.” Heeseung scorns his best friend as he rubs your arms, “You good?” Nodding in response you get comfy again.
“Put some Monsta X on,” Heeseung’s face turns to you as he speaks. “She loves them, don’t you, angel?”
The rest of the car is filled with Yeoreum’s hand-selected playlist and tension between the driver seat and the one behind.
Jaeyun turns into a quaint little area with a few shops and buildings about 20 minutes into the drive. “Are we here already?” you ask Heeseung but he shakes his head. “Did you forget we have a passenger princess to pick up?” You let out a silent ‘oh’ and nod.
As the car stops in the parking lot you shift a little uncomfortable. “I’m going to stretch my legs.” Heeseung steps out of the car to let you out but you stumble out of the car, luckily, Jaeyun is there to catch you, his hands placed on your shoulders to stop you from face-planting. He doesn’t say a word but his expression is laced with concern to which you shake your head and whisper a thank you.
You brush yourself down and straighten up. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He says to you and lets his hand linger down your arm. All you can do is nod and watch him leave.
“You know her well.” Oh no. Not another ghost from 4 years past. You can’t face another stern face cursing you to oblivion for your previous actions.
“Who are we picking up?” You stretch your right leg and look at Heeseung who laughs.
Yeoreum squeals and gets out of the car, “There she is!” Your sights set on Yeoreum and follow to where she is staring and your heart leaps out of your mouth. As you cross round the car you see the familiar blonde charging her way to you.
“Layla!” You shout, a shit-eating grin plastered on your face as the dog bounds towards you, happiness evident on her face.
In a blur, you kneel down and she jumps up to give your face sloppy licks. Layla was Jaeyun’s family dog, a precious piece of their family, and admittedly your favourite, even before Jaeyun. “Whose my good girl?” You hug her tight as she barks, her tail wagging excitedly, the feeling of missing each other is mutual. Ruffling her coat she jumps around you and barks loudly. Jaeyun smiles down at you both, and you smile back at him, however, you’re the only two smiling as Yeoreum and Eunseo have a look of bewilderment.
“I thought you said she was reserved around new people?” Eunseo asks Yeoreum who hums to confirm.
You miss out on this as you give Layla long-awaited kisses and cuddles, whispering ‘I missed you’ and ‘good girl’ into her fur.
“Um, Jakey? Isn’t Layla shy around people she doesn’t know? She was like that with me when I first met her.” The question from his fiance brings him back to earth and his smile wipes from his face, clearing his throat to buy him some time to think of an excuse.
“Eh, maybe she just trusts Y/N because she’s with all of us.” A pathetic reasoning but you weren’t exactly any help, too busy playing with the excited animal.
Shit.
Heeseung crouches beside you and gives Layla a pet, nudging you in the process, “Remember where you are, Y/N.”
You look around and everyone’s eyes are on you. “She must just sense I’m a dog person. Are you a dog or cat person, Yeoreum?” If there was one thing you perfected over the years it’s how to deflect situations onto another person and that's through the art of asking them questions about themself.
“I like dogs!” She smiles, “But I do like cats.” Her pondering face is matched with her hand on her cheek, “Jakey, do you think she didn’t take to me because I like cats?”
“Yes!” Jaeyun claps and points to her excitedly, happy to have a reason for this scenario in front of him. “Must be that, Reumie.” His shoulders relax and his eyes fix on Layla. She’s clueless, just happy that you’re back.
Getting back into the car you sit on Heeseung’s lap and Layla looks at you, like if she focuses on anyone else you’ll disappear again. You pet her to reassure her and it doesn’t take long for her to lay her head on your thigh, just happy for your presence. Jaeyun’s heart flips at the scene as he watches it through the rearview mirror.
As you’re getting comfy on Heeseung’s thighs, you hover a little to not put all the pressure of you on him, but Heeseung is Heeseung and he notices. His hands grip your waist and plonk you down until your whole weight is on him. “You won’t break me.” He chuckles and rubs circles into your hips. A slight nod of your head is all you offer him and you get comfy.
Jaeyun starts the car, reversing out the car park, one arm resting on the seat as he looks behind him, for a split second he looks your way but quickly goes back to focusing on not crashing the car, his tongue pointed out the side of his mouth in concentration. You shift in Heeseung’s lap as heat bubbles in your stomach. There is something about Jaeyun driving that always made you think out of church hour thoughts, the way the veins run up his arm, how his tongue pokes out and wets his lips, his one hand on the wheel reversing, it was all so hot. There were times on occasion you couldn’t handle it and got him to take you in the backseat, those were not the thoughts you need right now while you’re on his best friend’s lap.
“Hey,” Heeseung rips your gaze from Jaeyun’s hand with his voice as you turn your head to him, his voice low enough only you can hear, “If you leave a wet patch on my sweatpants I will have you pay for my dry cleaning.” He huffs out a laugh as your face falls and goes bright red.
“I-I, shut up, Hee!” You whisper and slap his chest.
__
One hour later you arrive and see the couple’s parents waving Jaeyun over. As he parks the car you all clamber out and greet the others, Layla ping-ponging herself between you and Jaeyun.
A tap on your shoulder has you turning to face a serious Eunseo, “How did you know her name was Layla?” The question catches you for a new one but you just spout the same excuse you have this whole trip.
“Jake told me.”
“You know.” She crosses her arms and taps her foot a few times before continuing, “You seem to have spoken to Jake a lot and yet, I haven’t seen you talk to him once.” The tone of her sentence is accusatory but you keep calm.
She hums, “He knew about your distaste for black pepper, you knew he was captain of his high school football team, and I heard him request a vegetarian dish for you to our cook so I presume he knows you hate red meat. All that was way before dinner.” Her stance is strong as she leans back and waits for you to explain, but you can’t.
“W-what do you mean? We spoke last night, about his job and stuff,” your hand points to her, palm faced forward, “you saw.”
“Oh Eunseo, Jaeyun is actually the love of my life, we dated for about 4 years and then I left without a word. Now he’s going to marry your sister and I want to die at the thought.”
That is what you probably shouldn’t say, so you settle with, “Just small talk I guess.” A nervous laugh leaves you but she doesn’t let up. “Y/N-”
At the same time Eunseo is saying your name, Heeseung comes over and hugs you from behind, “You coming, ladies? Or do you want to stay here with all the screaming children?” Heeseung points over Eunseo’s shoulder to the crying toddler and their sleep-deprived parents.
“You two need to be more careful. If Eunseo finds out, she tells Yeoreum, and I don’t think you want to be the topic of that conversation right before the wedding, yeah?”
“Coming!” You say and rush off, grabbing Heeseung’s hand and getting you both out of Eunseo’s earshot. “Thank you.”
He’s right. He always is and it exudes a heavy sigh from your lips. “I know, it’s just so easy to forget.” You admit and his silent nod is all you need before the group of you head for your walk.
It’s peaceful, every so often you throw a stick for Layla, and chatter amongst the parents is all you hear as you make it your mission to not look Jaeyun’s way. Eunseo walks alongside the happy couple and you do as Heeseung suggested and stay by his side. The scenery takes your breath away, the golden sun burning your skin, not a cloud in sight. You take some time to reflect on the past 4 years and realise the sun doesn’t come out so much in Pyeongchang.
“Y/N?” You turn to see Yeoreum looking at you, “Can I ask you something?” Oh no. Eunseo told her, fuck, maybe Mrs. Sim did. Is she going to throw you over the cliff, is all this one big ploy to get rid of you?
“Oh, sure.” You look away and prepare for the worst-case scenario.
“Tell us more about your ex. I can’t stop thinking about it.” Your eyes widen and look straight at Jaeyun who, despite his golden skin, is suddenly pale white. “I don’t know why you broke up with him if you were so perfect for each other.”
Jaeyun and Heeseung look at each other in confusion. They weren’t there for the conversation when the football game was going on, so they had no idea what Yeoreum was talking about.
“Yeah!” It’s Eunseo’s turn to chime in, “Y/N is such a closed book, I still know hardly anything about her. Tell us. You said you had challenges.”
“I-”
“It’s not really our business though, it is? We don’t have to know.” Heeseung speaks up in your defense but Yeoreum just scoffs. “I know about everyone’s exes, I love hearing about them. I know all about yours,” She points to Heeseung, “I of course know all about Jake’s.” She rolls her eyes as she spits the last sentence out, clearly, Jaeyun had said some bitter things about you, but you don’t mind. You deserved it. “So tell us about yours, Y/N. Jake, you should have seen the way she spoke about him! It was true love, I know it, maybe we can give you advice and get back together?”
Jaeyun coughs and looks up to the sky, wishing a bright light would come from between the clouds and either obliterate him like in that War of the Worlds movie.
“It was just,” You stop, uncomfortable at the idea that the subject of conversation is only a meter from you. Maybe this was your chance to really explain yourself in a controlled environment where emotions had to be under control, not like that night in the kitchen.
“I just was scared I think. I didn’t really handle the situation well. I was scared of long distance so I didn’t tell him I was going to college in Pyeongchang and just up and left.”
“I thought it was the right call. He had dreams, and honestly? He would have given all of it up for me. His dream school, his future, just to follow me and I didn’t want to live with the guilt of it.” Your head hangs low, and Heeseung’s hand grazes yours in an attempt to comfort you. “In the moment, I thought it was the right choice.”
“Damn,” Eunseo slows down her pace and looks at you, “You mean you just, left him behind?”
Eunseo stops completely, “Your parents…”
“Left them behind too. I didn’t want to risk him finding out where I was going. I didn’t tell anyone. Literally.” It was all clicking in Eunseo’s head and her jaw hung open.
“That’s cold, Y/N. I can’t imagine how he feels. Does he know where you are now?” Yeoreum asks the wrong questions every single time and you almost laugh at the irony.
You shrug, “I-”
“What do you think about it now?” The Australian accent jolts you to attention and interrupts what would have been a lie. Turning your head to him you wish he wasn’t looking at you with his eyes wide, like they’re desperate for something only you can give him.
Swallowing you nod slowly, “I think- I think I made the wrong choice.” You should have stopped the sentence there but you continue, “He’s everything to me still, I would do anything to go back and change it.”
In another world, Jaeyun is tearing himself away from Yeoreum, picking you up, and kissing you because you are the only one that matters. But this isn’t a romance movie, and you’re both deep in this tangled mess.
“I think you should reach out. Then you can have what me and Jake have.” A scoff is heard behind you. Turning, you view Heeseung with disgust on his face, his jaw is clenched and his eyes don’t even give Yeoreum the time of day. “What? You don’t think she could have that?”
“I think Y/N can have anything she wants,” He’s biting his tongue. Jaeyun’s gaze is looking pleadingly at his best man to shut the fuck up. He doesn’t, “It’s just Y/N is describing a love that sounds like once in a lifetime.”
It’s Yeoreum’s time to stop in her tracks. “And you think Jake and I don’t have that?”
“Yes.” If gagged had a visual representation next to its definition in the dictionary, it would be a still-frame picture of your face right now. “It’s not that you don’t love each other obviously,” damage control Heeseung was coming to fruition as he saw the shocked faces staring at him, “It’s just love like that isn’t easy to find.” He mumbles, cursing under his breath that he even opened his mouth.
“Well, for your information, Heeseung I brought Jake back to life after his high school relationship. He was nothing but a hollow body until he met me. If it wasn’t a ‘once in a lifetime love’” She air quotes the phrase, “then he would still be moping around over a shitty, second string ex that never deserved him.”
“Enough.” Jaeyun’s voice is stern, not like you’ve ever heard before, “Both of you just shut up. I love Yeoreum,” He faces Heeseung almost trying to convince him, “I wouldn’t be marrying her otherwise, “and you don’t get to shit on my ex.” His attention now on his fiance, “You don’t know her, she had her reasons, and yeah she hurt me, but she deserved all the love I gave her. So keep her out of your mouth. Got it?”
Maybe Yeoreum’s face right now should be next to gagged in the dictionary. Scratch that, just have this whole scenario play out on a projector. Jaeyun strides ahead, annoyed that anyone in their right mind would ever say anything like that about you. The silence is loud as you all continue your walk, Layla still none the wiser.
As you reach the top of the trail, Jaeyun’s emotions have settled but he doesn’t look at you or Yeoreum once, focused on the sun. Even though it’s shining bright, it’s a lot colder with the breeze from the height where he stood.
Layla is pulling at you to follow her and with her leash in hand you do. She paws at Jaeyun who looks down with a smile and pets her head. “I’m sorry.” He whispers and you take a moment to register he’s talking to you. “She shouldn’t have said that.”
Your heart beats loudly because even after all this time he’s still looking out for you, still caring about your feelings even though he would have every right to hate you and curse you just like Yeoreum had.
“Jaeyun, It’s okay. She’s not wrong. It was shitty.” You suck your teeth and then you laugh, “You’re gonna be a terrifying dad,” He doesn’t say anything but his eyebrows scrunch together, “The way you put them both in their place, I’ve never seen you get angry.”
“Ah, that’s not true.” Now it was your turn to adorn a face of confusion, “Your birthday party, with Sunghoon?” Oh. Yeah. That. You shift from one foot to another, wrapping Layla’s lead around one of your hands. “I think that was the only time though.”
“I’m sorry about that.” He laughs loudly and shakes his head. “Baby, that was like 7 years ago. I forgive you. I forgave you that night.”
“Then go forgive Yeoreum.” The statement causes Jaeyun to lean back. “You should forgive her. It wasn’t nice but she didn’t mean it like that, she was protecting you because she loves you. If you can forgive me that easy then you can do the same for her.”
He sighs and sticks his hands in his pockets. “It’s easy to forgive you.”
“Do you?” Your voice is a whisper, your heart rapidly hitting against your chest, “Forgive me.”
Jaeyun nods his head slowly and turns to face you properly, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
Taking his hand out of his pocket he grabs yours and squeezes it. He loves you and that is never going to change. It’s just that he loves Yeoreum now. You can try to find contentment in that.
_______
For the car ride back, Yeoreum storms into the backseat without giving any warning, clearly mad at her future husband. Heeseung guides Layla into the middle seat before situating himself on the seat beside her and waiting for you to crawl onto his lap. That however does not happen. Eunseo decides to sit on Heeseung’s lap instead and he is less than impressed. “Um, Eunseo?” She turns to Heeseung as if sitting on his lap is the most obvious decision in the world. “What? I’m not sitting next to him after he shouted at my sister.” Jaeyun opens the driver seat and throws himself down onto the leather, muttering a barely heard ‘I didn’t shout’. You look at Heeseung to help you out but he shrugs and mouths a sorrowful ‘Sorry.’ which is no comfort at all. “Y/N can sit in the front.” Yeoreum huffs and you follow her instruction mindlessly. You get into the passenger side and buckle your seatbelt for the awkward 2 hours that await.
“Let me put on some music, yeah?” Your voice is calm and quiet like you’re trying not to disrupt the tension. Heeseung is the only one to agree but you still grab the aux and plug your phone in. Unlike Yeoreum, you don’t ask what songs people want and settle for one of your playlists but just as you go to hit play, your phone says it’s at 5% and you mentally curse yourself for taking so many pictures. You have a choice; you can either play the songs right now and have your phone die in 2 minutes, or sit in silence. You sit for a while and the silence causes Jaeyun to turn to you.
“You okay?” he asks and you hum explaining about your phone, “Here.” Opening the glove box he hands you the CDs he hid from Yeoreum and she notices, crossing her arms and holding back from making a sarky comment.
Flicking through the CDs you see the mixtapes he made over the years until one stops you dead. ‘Y/N #1’. Your fingers flip through and all of them are named something similar all the way to ‘Y/N #38’. The last one has drawings of rings and keys all around it and you lightly trace your fingers over it, scared that if you touch it you’ll break it.
To confirm your theories, you pick it out and enter it into the CD player and your heart skips at least 5 beats as the first notes play from Love is All Around by Wetter. You choke on nothing as the memories of that night come flooding back to that night. He had taken all those cassette tapes and made them into CDs. Even after you abandoned him he still took the time to transfer every single mixtape. Your chest feels heavy and you feel like you’re going to pass out until Jaeyun places a hand on your thigh to calm you down. His touch is so familiar and comforting that instantly you feel relief wash over you, your hand intertwining with his. Just like how you used to be, you’re seeking his comfort.
Yeoreum is in too much of a sour mood to notice how his thumb rubs your skin, and how his whole body suddenly feels like it’s found the missing limb that’s been detached from him. But Heeseung doesn’t. He sees it all and he wants to cuss you both out for being so obvious. Still, instead, he’s engaging Eunseo in meaningless conversation, distracting her of any chance to see how Jaeyun has his fingers tracing hearts into your thigh.
As the song’s final chorus blares through the speakers he brings your hand to his lips and kisses it gently. It’s a foolish move and Heeseung panics, looking between the sisters to see if any of them notice and somehow they don’t. He is going to have some words for you both when they all get back.
Alan Watt’s monologue at the end of the song doesn’t help the way you’re feeling, like for the first time in years you are exactly where you should be, with the love of your life. But his hand leaves yours as the journey goes on due to worrying that Yeoreum could turn her head and see it, and you’re pulled back to reality. He isn’t yours, and he’s getting married in two days.
____
Stepping out of the car you watch as everyone walks into the house, some sullen, and some oblivious about what happened. You wish you were the latter. Jaeyun walks with his hands in his pockets, head down as he follows a pouty Yeoreum up the stairs and into their bedroom. The house’s once light atmosphere is now heavy and by this point, everyone can feel it. Mr. Sim pulls Heeseung to the side and they share a whisper. Mrs & Mr. Son kidnap Mrs. Sim and Eunseo to the kitchen to help them prepare dinner.
You don’t follow your best friend, instead, you tread up the grand staircase, ready to shower and wash off the antics of today, craving the battering of hot water against your skin. Your foot is not but a second on the first floor when you hear shouting. It’s muffled and honestly, you shouldn’t be listening but you’re nosey and you one hundred percent know who it is.
“I just don’t understand why you shouted at me like that. And in front of our friends!” Yeoreum cries out. Don’t eavesdrop your mind is telling you, but your feet are gingerly walking to their door, it lays slightly ajar.
You don’t see lots but you can see Yeoreum’s back and sometimes when she moves, you can see Jaeyun. He looks lost, guilty, and bored all at once.
“Reumie, I did not shout at you. I told you to not speak about my ex. What is your fascination with her? You bring her up whenever you get the chance.”
Yeoreum scoffs and folds her arms, one foot pointed out to the right and her hip jutted out. “Me?! Fascination?! You have some nerve to ask me that.” Jaeyun looks at her confused, “Jake, you are so sensitive whenever I bring her up.”
“Because she’s my fucking ex, Yeoreum. It’s a sensitive fucking topic for a lot of people believe it or not. I told you talking about her makes me uncomfortable” He’s mad and he’s scared she’ll say something that will have him saying something regretful. Jaeyun’s hands are in front of him and his fingers are joined as he tries to calm down. “Look, let’s just forget it-”
“Get over it, Jake. She probably has. I am the one who got you out of your rut, I am the one who held you on those nights you’d cry over her wishing she would come back even though I, your girlfriend, was right there, and I sure as hell am the one you asked to marry you.”
Jaeyun stills at the memories of him laying on his dorm bed, willing you to come home to him, Yeoreum hugging him from behind, lulling him to calm down. He couldn’t even pretend to care about her presence when thoughts of you struck into his mind. She didn’t deserve the way he was back then and he’s surprised she stayed around.
Jaeyun opens his mouth but she cuts him off before he can even respond, her eyes are on him with a deadly stare, “Do you still love her?” It’s his turn to scoff but she doesn’t let up, “Tell me you don’t love her, and I’ll put it all behind me. I will forget this ever happened and drop it.” She knows the answer, but she wants him to lie to her.
“I- Yeoreum everyone still has feelings for their first love.”
“If she walked through that door right now, would you leave me for her?”
A gentle hand enveloped the top of your arm, causing you to gasp and turn around panicked. Mr. Sim’s gaze meets yours. He gently leads you from the door and into your room, “I think you’ve heard enough.” Although the statement can come across as rude from anyone else, his tone is comforting. He was taking you away from the possibility of the answer you knew he was going to say. Of course not. He wouldn’t leave her if his ex walked into his life again because you did walk back in and he is still very much engaged.
Jaeyun’s dad shuts the door behind him and sighs, “Y/N, Heeseung told me what happened.” You nod.
“It wasn’t a big argument, they’ll get over it in a minute.” Looking up you see him shaking his head and waltzing towards you, guiding you both to sit on the edge of the bed.
“He told me everything.” Oh. You nod again, this time heavy and with dread, as you think about the prospect of how this conversation will go.
The next words to leave his mouth are not in a million years what you would have guessed, “Thank you.” Shifting your body to face him completely you stretch your neck forward to make sure you heard him correctly, eyelids invisible as your eyebrows dart up.
Mr. Sim laughs and gently shakes your leg affectionately. “I know I didn’t give you the best welcome back reaction but you have to understand.” You daren’t say a word, trying to listen carefully, “When you left, you left behind my son but you took him with you. His livelihood, his character, his heart, he lost himself and I think it’s because you accidentally packed him up with your bags.”
“I’ll be candid, we lost all respect for you,” His face is sour and all you can do is nod because he had every right to feel this way, “But after these past few days, and Heeseung telling me why you left, I realise I have to thank you.”
The guilt your heart feels is astronomical, you knew it would hurt him, but something about the way his dad is putting it is like having someone poke multiple pins in your heart and dragging them down slowly, and painfully, torturing you as you awaited death.
“Why? You should hate me, you said yourself, I destroyed him.”
“Emotionally at the time, yes. But every step you took was always with his interest at the forefront. You knew he would reject Apollo if you told him you weren’t going with him.” A chuckle leaves his lips and his hand pats your leg again, “One thing about my boy? He is stupid when it comes to mind over heart. And you are so smart, baby girl.” Mr. Sim’s eyes are just as they used to be, full of adoration for you.
“If Jaeyun had left with you, he might have started to resent you and the relationship, wondering if he made the right choice, it would cause arguments, you’d drift and it would all have been for nothing. You saw that didn’t you?”
Yes. That is exactly how you saw it. When you made the decision to not tell him, long distance was your main reason, but as you stewed with it for years you truly know the guilt of keeping him from his dream school and ultimately sabotaging his future was the main reason. You wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye. “Something like that.” Is all you mutter to him, “I knew how hard he worked for all of it, Busan, Apollo, his career, I didn’t want him to jeopardise it for some girl. And he always said long-distance scared him.” Tears are ricocheting down your face and you taste the salt as the liquid slips past your lips. For the first time, your feelings and actions are being validated.
“He also got Yeoreum.” You say smiling sadly. He grabs your chin and turns your face to his delicately.
“My son was always your number one priority, even when you didn’t realise it. Now do I wish there was a better way you could have gone about this? Categorically so.” He laughs and for the first time in the whole conversation so do you, nodding your head and your eyes looking up. “But you deserve a thank you because look what he has; honours in one of the most prestigious colleges in the country, a job he loves and is so dearly passionate about, I mean really, I cannot get him to shut up about it,”
“Do you love him?” You agree without hesitation and try to focus on anything but his eyes, too painful and far too similar to his son’s. “Then let me give you some advice,” Shouting can be heard, Jaeyun and Yeoreum’s voices getting louder but you’re too busy hanging on to every word Mr. Sim is speaking to tune in, “Do what you think is best, for you and him, either together or separate. You’ll make the right choice, Y/N. I know that now.”
#aj writes#jake x reader#jake sim#enhypen smut#enhypen x reader#jake smut#enha smut#lots of hidden things in this part that sets up nicely for the last 2 parts :)
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I'm writing about Berdly today
I fucking love Berdly
He is such an adorable little ray of sunshine
Spoilers ahead.
I played the snowgrave route first so I immediately was just feeling infinite levels of remorse for him, and then I just learned more about his character and JESUS CHRIST WHY IS HE SO RELATABLE HELP-
I think I'm a lot like him. I think we both kind of consider ourselves smart (I think what I want to be like varies per the situation but intelligence is definitely one of those things) but we also recognize that we really aren't and feel the need to try and keep up the facade of this intelligence. We see our intelligence as making us valuable, but in reality, and this is what I find so beautiful about how he was written, we don't need it to make us special. Also we both are kind of idiots ^^' Berdly is special because he is a kind, brave boy who cares about his friends. He might have a big ego but he is not a bad person.
I also found his loneliness relatable. His persona definitely scares a lot of people off. People REALLY don't like him (both in and out of universe). He's terribly antisocial and comically unable to read the room which are things that contribute to his "annoying" personality. Sometimes I feel like I'm worse than everyone else, too. I think I'm doing even worse in this regard because I don't really pride myself on much of anything at all... haha. Kill me.
But god Berdly's just so sweet and innocent and toby fox why the fuck didn't you add a scene where I can give him a hug asuidgjakalmgdujskndgm
I gave him the present because I knew he deserved it :) The way he reacted to that gesture really brightened my day. He was so happy. It really indicated how he doesn't get treated that well that often and that made me feel kind of sad.
ALSO ALSO the fact that he thinks Noelle has a crush on him bc she's nice to him makes me sad. Like he really thinks you need an ulterior motive for you to like him. Why :( my guess is he might not have had the best upbringing and maybe his parents weren't affectionate towards him and were downright mean to him which could explain a lot about why he is the way he is. I know Noelle was probably abused by her mom as well, but Berdly's complete inability to read the room may contribute to him not really knowing what's up, but still recognizing that Noelle needs someone to look out for her and wants to be that person for her.
His crush on Susie is hilarious in my opinion. She's the person who shows him he doesn't have to be perfect (at least his idea of perfect, which is smart) which commences his "idiot" arc which I find adorable and hilarious. Berdly makes me laugh. He's just so precious aaaaaaaaaa
Anyway I am so fucking upset that he's probably not going to be in the rest of the chapters but at the same time I think that it contributes to why Snowgrave hits so hard. You have this fully fleshed out, beautiful, cute, funny character not getting this development anymore because HE FUCKING DIED AAAAAAAAA!!! I actually don't mind when characters I like die, though, because it just intrigues me more than anything. Also I just like watching my favorite characters suffer soooo.... haha.
End berdly abuse today and y'all please for the love of god stop stereotyping him as a gross incel gamer bitch bc he's not. He's a nice boy :(
thanks for coming to my ted talk
#deltarune#berdly#berdly deltarune#deltarune chapter 2#snowgrave#snowgrave route#noelle weird route#noelle holiday#susie deltarune
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so one thing i really liked about the episode is that scene where Hunter starts crying in the basement of the shack after Luz tells him he’s family and she wants to keep him safe
it just... it means a lot. it really resonated. i think it was beautifully done and am specifically deeply enamored of some of the less ‘traditional’ comfort scene aspects of it.
(under a cut bc it got long)
Hunter is a person for whom it’s never been safe to have or openly express emotions like that. vulnerability has always been dangerous. the Emperor’s Coven was a nest of vipers, his uncle was a manipulative emotionally abusive monster, and he’s always been viewed as a spoiled child who was handed a position he didn’t earn or deserve and therefore had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously (and no one really took him seriously even then.)
it’s never been safe for Hunter to cry. crying is a weakness. crying is something that someone can use against him. “i was never afraid as the Golden Guard” -> he repressed all of his negative emotions like fear, sadness, uncertainty, unhappiness, etc so tightly that he didn’t even consciously know they were there (meanwhile it is obvious to the viewer that Hunter is both miserable and terrified pretty much 100% of the time) and didn’t have to acknowledge them and could avoid expressing them in order to survive an extremely dangerous, wildly unsafe situation in which his actual life and physical health/wellbeing were at stake
this is a pretty common reaction to a prolonged, inescapable traumatic situation, especially one where any displays of emotion are used against you. you shut down, you numb out, you learn how to turn your feelings off or bury them so deeply that you don’t even know they’re there, just so you can get through it, and often while you’re in the situation you feel like you’re Basically Fine until you’re out of it and can recognize, by contrast, how intensely miserable you were
anyway though the point is that Hunter is someone whose vulnerable emotions are very tightly repressed, and in that moment, he just completely loses control over it. he’s scared, he’s away from his abuser, he’s been slowly learning how to enjoy things and actually like his life instead of just enduring it, and for the first time in his life someone just offered him unconditional acceptance and care
it just really resonates with me! like it’s SO heartwrenching what makes it happen, how unloved and unwanted and unsafe he must have always felt before, but also... i like how quick it is.
how he tries to keep it under control. the way he looks away, how he doesn’t even blink, how he tries not to let her know he’s crying and STARTS crying very quietly until a sob slips out and he can’t help it anymore
how it’s just this quick intense burst of sobbing and then he gets it back under control, because he’s had to learn how to do that, how to quickly put the metaphorical mask back on. very relatable - when you’ve been through the kind of emotional abuse Hunter has, it’s almost involuntary to do that, to just stop yourself from crying as soon as something breaks through the layers of repression to make you actually get to that point where tears come out
Hunter is still very early in his recovery process and when you’ve spent so long so disconnected from your own fear and grief, it’s HARD to let yourself feel them, and you can only handle doing it for very short periods of time before all those subconscious defense mechanisms kick in and make you stop again
and i love the way Luz just... lets him be. Hunter doesn’t like being touched, he doesn’t like being grabbed, he clearly struggles to talk about things that affect him deeply or hurt - for him, it wouldn’t be comforting if Luz tried to hug him or talk to him about it. what she does is give him emotional and physical space, while still being there for him, and she offers him brief and easily rebuffed/escaped contact and lets him be the one to deepen it by leaning in against her - and she doesn’t really look directly at him, either, doesn’t force him to meet her eyes
she acknowledges it and comforts him without forcing some kind of discussion or confrontation on him, she lets him have space while still being present, and when it’s done she moves on without pushing or prodding or questioning him
as someone who would almost rather die than have someone see me cry and who DEFINITELY does not want to talk about it or be touched or really have it acknowledged in any way if i can help it, and who has had people in the past switch very quickly from trying to comfort me to getting mad at me when i told them what they were doing was making it worse, it just really means a lot to me to see that kind of scene?
like what Luz did was so caring and loving and comforting for him, it took his actual needs and desires into account, it means SO much to me to see that, it was such a good scene, UGH
#hunter toh#luz noceda#toh spoilers#toh spoiler#toh s3#they mean everything to me..#hunter is SO traumatized
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Did I Wake You, Darlin’? [Austin Butler x reader]
A/N: this one’s short bc i wrote it during class but i really didn’t know how to add on to it so here it is :)
warnings: none, i think!
word count: 550
summary: while austin is filming on a late night, you can’t fall asleep. once he finally gets home, he helps to cure your insomnia.
You let out a sigh as you rolled over to check the alarm clock. 2:17 am. Shit, you thought. Even if I fell asleep right now, I’d only get like 4 hours of sleep.
It was another one of those nights. You’d stayed up a bit later than you meant to and now you weren’t tired. And no matter what you tried, nothing worked. You just couldn’t fall asleep. On top of that, your anxiety was having a hay day, and you couldn’t close your eyes without paranoia setting in. You desperately wished that your lover would be home soon.
Your boyfriend, Austin, was in the process of filming for a new movie. There had been a lot of late nights recently, so you’d grown used to falling asleep alone, but tonight you just couldn’t shake the loneliness. You sat up, hugging your knees to your chest, as tears began to well in your eyes. You just wanted to sleep. But it seemed the universe was against you.
The sound of a car pulling into your driveway snapped you back to reality. Maybe that’s him. You heard a car door open and close, and shortly after, the sound of keys jingling outside your front door. You hurriedly wiped your eyes before laying back down in bed and pretending to be asleep. The last thing you wanted was to make your boyfriend feel bad about the effect these late nights had on you.
The bedroom door opened and Austin walked in, setting down his things before looking over toward you. You must have done a decent job of making yourself look asleep, because he hummed a little and came over to plant a kiss on your forehead before going into the bathroom to shower. You waited to hear the shower turn on before you sat back up, deciding to just wait until he got out of the shower and then pretending to wake up when he came out of the bathroom.
———————————————
“Did I wake you darlin’? I’m sorry if I did, I was tryin’ to be quiet,” Austin told you, a bit of southern twang still in his voice from shooting.
“I mean sort of, but it’s not a big deal. I wasn’t really sleeping well anyways,” you told him, not wanting to lie to him but also not wanting to fully let him in on the extent of your restlessness. “How was your day? Anything exciting happen?”
He told you all about his day and the different types of scenes he had filmed as he got into bed beside you and wrapped his body around yours. He was starting to get a tired rasp in his voice, a sign that you knew meant he was probably going to drift off to sleep soon. You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as you told him about the things you had done while he was gone. He began to stroke your hair, and you weren’t sure if he even knew what he was doing, but you melted under the gentle affection.
Cuddled up in bed with your love, having your hair played with, and half-whispering about the most mundane things seemed to cure your insomnia. Within minutes you were fully passed out. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt so content.
#elvis film#austin butler#fanfic#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler fluff#austin butler fic#austin butler x reader#x reader#elvis 2022
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WOAH, I really love ur Addams/rottmnt AU! I really love their designs, especially April and Mayhem's! few questions
why is mikey so feral in this AU
Whats raph like? he's always so quiet and Donnie looks like an evil scientist
LEOSAGI LEOSAGI LEOSAGI-
APIRIL AND MAYHEM YOOOOOOOOO
hows splints and casey(or Cassandra) in this au AKA Could you share some stuff on this beautiful au pls (don't mean to come off as demanding just in case XP)
OQNQOWJEOENDJF IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AAAAAA I FAINTED AGAINST MY ARMCHAIRS FR/POS
But yes I do have some answers for these!
1. Mikey is feral mostly bc he's very spoiled and he grew up In an environment that encouraged behavior like that! He is the 'Mama's boy' (in the AU, Splinter and Big Mama are canonically married, Splints still lives in the NY sewers, BM still in hidden city and her hotel), and BM definitely encourages his bad behavior. No one really tells him no, and he's an attention hog. He likes getting reactions so doing outlandish stuff and saying cruel things gets him that reaction! He's also an adrenaline junky and a pyromaniac, he'll put himself/others into danger for fun! Plus, BM DOES treat him like a pet, what do you expect. Boy is flea ridden/hj
2. Raph is very quiet and stoic! He still hates being alone, but he also definitely Dislikes being bothered, teased, or pranked. While the most outwardly 'chill', he's very quick to violence. He is the reason Leo has those bite/teeth marks on his shell! Raph bit him <3. His comfort item is Mrs. Cuddles and he always has her with him, which definitely makes it a target for Mikey shenanigans and such! He does still love hugs and snuggles tho, and likes bows, sewing, and cartoons! He doesn't talk much, and he especially won't if his brothers aren't around. He doesn't care much about anything, he's just along for the ride! The brothers often try to, like, 'sic' Raph on eachother by blaming things or just asking REALLLYYYYY nicely (also yes, Don is definitely a mad scientist. Please get him some lab safety etiquette at least some lab goggles)
3. LEOSAGI <3333333 ACTUALLY JUST MY COMFORT CHARACTERS I SWEAR. I have a writer friend who enjoys making small snippets of this AU, and I may ask her if I can post them here or if she would like to post them on A03? So yall can get even more content of the Boyz <3 (NewFallenLeaves on A03! Check out her ROTTMNT stuff, it's wonderful)
4. APRIL AND MAYHEM YES!!!!!! They are both definitely some of my favorite designs of this AU, April is just so beautiful and Mayhem is such a little Creatur. Babey demon demigorgon. Evil beast/pos (fun fact! Mayhems face can split apart in 4 different ways, one way looking like a demigorgon! I'll probably post that sketch sometime soon!)
5. Splinter is great! As Lou Jitsu, he was a film star who behind the scenes was involved in a lot of crime, especially back in Japan with things like the Yakuza. As a rat, he is VERY MUCH based on Gomez Addams. He's fun loving, caring, and loves a good spar session. He may be a bit neglectful of his boys (same as in canon) but he loves and accepts their weird and wacky behavior all the same.
This is his design! Some bits may change but as it stands I am happy w/ it! :D
He owns a decent of pieces of the Shredder Armour as, like, almost trophies? It also helps mean that the Foot will not build the Shredder fully, Aka none of that mess to deal with :]
As for Cassandra, she's not really in the AU at all! I just haven't really been able to think of much for her. As an antagonist, I didn't know whether to lean towards more Addams esque behavior or make her more 'normal' (as normal as she can be JSBSJEB) to have a type of parallel. Idk? Any suggestions and ideas for her would be welcome and I'd tag you if I ended up using/posting any of it!
As for extra content, tomorrow or in the next following days I will either post more random sketches, more Usagi lore (specifically his family) or maybe some finished refs? Whatever I feel like, so look for that >:]
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I loved the fic but I’m greedy for more. Please share mermaid!readers dark fantasy 🤲
heheh thank u for spoiling me n asking about this bc i thought too much about it
cw: dark || 18+ only [ft. kidnapping, implied cnc, rape is mentioned once but not referring to eddie, chrissy or reader] || also i apologise i feel like eddie doesn’t sound like eddie sorry :/
mermaid!reader fantasies about a human male kidnapping her are kind of like some of our fantasies about rape n cnc kinks. chrissy knows about them bc you asked her is she ever thought about that once jane (aka eleven) came back. she doesn't have them, but she doesn't judge obvi. n eddie... eddie finds out on accident. kinda like the little argument u guys have in the fic where chrissy mentions it. n he can't let it go bc he takes it as if you're still afraid of him (when in reality you would like it very much if he kidnapped you and chrissy and kept you like toys)
so after much talking and prodding and a few tears from you bc you're so embarrassed about even thinking about those scenarios when some of your mermaid sisters have actually suffered through them, you guys are able to create the ultimate sex scene.
it's a full moon, which means that you and chrissy are finally able to transform into women. but there's a catch— you have to return to the water before the sun rises or you will stay human until the next full moon.
so eddie, with his ship and his crew, sail past the waters where you live and lower their anchor. eddie sells them the story about a magnificent treasure lost in a sunken ship in that very same spot and tells them to lower one of the fishnets to see if they can catch something for dinner.
"we cought something!" one of the crew shouts, struggling to rise the net by himself. the members closest to him run to help him, their groans echoing in the otherwise silent night.
"my god," another one whispers in shock when he sees what they caught. he taps gareth's side, eyes glued forward. "call the captain. tell him he needs to come to the deck immediately."
the crew stands in a circle while they wait for gareth to come back with eddie. and right in the middle of it is you and chrissy, hugging each other under the net and cowering beneath their stares. some of them are fascinated, others hungry with lust.
your scales tingle.
"well, well, well. what do we have here?" you'd recognise that voice anywhere. you sit up a little straighter. eddie pushes to men aside and steps into the circle, not bothering to remove the net. "you're a little far from home, aren't you?"
it's exactly what chrissy said to him the first day you met. you squirm, heart pounding. "let us go."
eddie chuckles and crouches down to your height, face partially illuminated by the moon light. he looks beautiful. he strokes your cheek through one of the holes in the net. "and why would i do that sweetheart? i just caught two beautiful mermaids and, between you and me," he stage whispers, scrunching his nose in that cute way he does and tilting his head to the side, "i have been feeling a little lonely up in this ship with these meatheads. need something to keep me warm at night, if you know what i mean."
you gulp in excitement but all the crew sees is two mermaids cowering in fear.
chrissy squeezes your arm and meekly says, "w-we'll give you treasure, anything, if you—"
"i have the greatest treasure right in front of my eyes, honey. what could possibly be better than the two of you, hm?" he waits for your answers patiently, tapping his shin with his fingers. he grins when neither of you speaks. "that's right; nothing."
that's when he finally takes the net off you, his fingers brushing your tail. the fins at the end flick almost minisculely and eddie's smile grows wider. "oh, we're going to have a lot of fun together." he looks predatory in this light. you know he's nothing of the sort. it makes it even more attractive. "welcome aboard hellfire, little mermaids."
#basically the crew really believes they caught you and eddie kidnapped u and is using you#but the three of you know the truth#strangerthings.musings#eddiemunson#chrissycunningham#poly!eddissy#dark#mermaid!au#eddie munson x reader#chrissy cunningham x reader
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Sending love your way, friend *hugs* what's something you've wanted to ramble about but haven't had a chance to yet? Any ideas that are in the baby stages? Anything you wanna tali about we're here for <3
Im gonna. Use this as an excuse to talk about Sector AU. Which I know you specifically know about but I haven't talked about it much on tumblr.
Okay so Sector AU is my PolyZITS X Rancher AU [Jimmy got added later. I mean. Look at him. Hes like Tango's wet cat. And Tango is his wet cat. I. Hhhhh]. I sort of havent settled on anything about sector au specifically yet because it's just kind of my 'I wanna think about my rarepair guys in situations' au but the gist of it for those who don't know. ->
Every guy in the relationship represents a different 'sector' of the MC Universe. Zedaph represents the End and is a sort of beetle hybrid sort of inspired by the endermites. He has the shielded wings, multiple arms, those big ass beetle...antannae? Antler? things? And the beady black eyes. He's also only like 4 feet tall. He's tiny. Bug guy.
Tango represents the Nehter [of course] though not as your standard Netherborn Tango guy, though it does pull from that a bit. He's sort of - a lizard? He [and zedaph] can skitter up walls and needs to be kept warm - going as far to swim in lava to do so. IDK man a lot of the nether creatures make me think of lizards. Instead of wings, tango has those like. Arm glider things some lizards have, along with the frills and the scaly skin. He still has the fire hair, though its almost like a mohawk in my head that goes down his back, w a lizardy tail to match. Charmander! He's charmander. he's also short, like 4'5, so not as short as zed but still. tiny.
Skizz is an avian, specifically a hyacinth macaw which are the biggest and strongest of the parrot species - and they're the deep blue parrot you can see in minecraft. I made him an avian bc i like bird guys but also idk man Skizz just fits the bird vibes. Everyone always makes him an angel to go with Impulse's whole demon thing and given Impulse this felt fitting to do. It should go without saying he's fucking massive. Like 6'8 massive or sometihng. big.
IMPULSE is a descendent of the Ancients, who still lives underground. I havent really figured out fully whats going on w him but Sculk Guy who isnt Quiet Human and is also tall but not skizz tall. Like a few inches shorter.
And then theres Jimmy, who's just a plain ol human who lives in the world and gets kind of sucked into their world. I imagine maybe that all of the servers these 5 interact on are like, continents in this world, and theres like some not-quite-server-fic shenanigans occurring where its like. They go on adventures and can interact with worlds they dont exist on [yet <- manifesting Hermit Skizz] and also they get to hold hands nad kiss maybe and tango and zed can climb everyone like a tree and its like
I have two very specific scenes in mind - Skizz teaching Impulse to fly w an elytra because he cant teach him FLIGHT proper but avians use rockets the same way elytra work where they glide back down so he can teach Impulse [And later - jimmy] to fly.
And then a second imagine of tango and Jimmy in a cave exploring and using Tango as a light source but because they arent putting down torches they get lost and a creeper blows up in their face and injures them and they have to make their way back to the other members of the polycule and its all a very daunting task and just. hhhh.
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I am so delighted to see we can send platonic ship and that you are insane about it!! (same here i love it so so much, tahat all my life) so what about Nami&Robin or/and Nami&Zoro
there are so many people asking me my opinions i can't believe y'all actually care about what i have to say ilysm <33
nami/robin: i love them and i wish they had more scenes together in canon :(( i love that they share a room and their beds are literally next to each other. i'm sure that they cuddle when they sleep. no doubt about it. robin reads out loud while nami does her nightly routine with makeup and stuff and then they talk for a bit before falling asleep. i love that they're the only girls in the crew but their role isn't just that. they both keep the guys in place but robin has that silly, satiric dark side that scares nami sometimes, and nami has that impulsive, thief side that robin loves too. and kjsdcjksdnjkasd they make me ill. they have girl nights. they go shopping. they talk shit about people together. they eat sanji's food together. nami talks about how much she misses her girlfriend (vivi, i miss you too. come back) and robin comforts her but instantly nami complains about her "not getting it" because she has her husband on the damn ship!!!!! then nami goes and hugs robin back again. i think they're the smartest and brightest girls ever and they deserve all the love. neither of them has ever had real friends and now that they have the chance to live freely, they finally can hang out together. robin is older and tbh i think she sees nami as this cute, young, brilliant girl with so so much potential. and nami sees robin as, like, this older, mature woman that's also her bestie and that's awesome!!! a lot of people ship them romantically but i personally see them as besties or sisters ngl. i think robin is still getting used to having friends like a normal person and nami teaching her how to enjoy life is so,,, so beautiful,,, they also have their own shenanigans and i need them to have wayyy more scenes together c'mon!!!
nami/zoro: i am so not shutting up about them i apologize- i love them. i am obsessed with them. we need to talk more and more about them. "they're overrated" they should be. they deserve it. i fucking love everything about these two. so, so much... the thing that makes me like them it's probably the fact that they're part of the romance dawn trio, and i'm very nostalgic about those three. they're all important to luffy, of course, all of his nakama are. but... there's just something about zoro and nami being the first ones that makes me insane. they're the ones that had to deal with luffy together when they first met, and ever since, they've just been sooo chaotic. i'm happy opla gave them scenes together (uhhh not so much the fact that people see them romantically. it's obvious they wanted to make them romantic. please don't, netflix, i'm watching you) because they mean so much to me! they have this lesbian/gay solidarity and hostility (yes, at the same time) that i LOVE. i'm obsessed with zoro being all edgy-wannabe (he's just quiet lmfao his dramatic gay ass wanting to be a dark swordsman is so funny) and nami like "??? shut up you're just dumb". the fact that they argue and zoro complains about her manipulative behavior but still always helps her and saves her every time,,, that's so,,, i love them. i know we all say zoro is luffy's guard dog, but that's not true. zoro is luffy's cat and nami's guard dog. he stays behind nami protectively with a dark stare and nobody dares to approach her bc they know they'll die if they try to hurt his navigator. he'd never admit it out loud, tho, but he cares for her an insane amount. and she loves him too. thinking about them cuddling when it's too cold and zoro's just the perfect pillow!! zoro braiding nami's hair!!! nami helping him clean his swords!! they look after the other all the time,, and they are the ones that know luffy the best, of course they're going to be the first ones to talk things out together if something's wrong with him. also, my zolu shipper heart needs to say that nami would be the first one to find out about them. in every universe. i love them.
#i'm so not normal about them#god i love them so so so so much#one piece#roronoa zoro#nami#nico robin
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Hello lovely Rid 💕💕💕
I have actually been so curious to see how c&f OC will act now that she's overheard Jungkook and his uncle. I feel like he deserves to be put through it a little bit, you know? I definitely feel like she'll be a loooot colder to him now and he'll try to turn his charm all the way up. I still feel like that wouldn't help though and the only way to fix the situation would be to just be honest about everything. I'm sure there will be some angst before that happens though and I'm excitedddd. But I have been wondering a lot about them recently and I would love a teaser to see what they're up to 👀👀👀
And of course cmi couple are on my mind 24/7 too. After that drabble I've been missing the way they used to be so much 😭😭😭 I miss him reassuring her and taking care of her, helping her deal with her parents. I hate seeing her so sad and I think now that she's trying to be more emotionless and shutting her friends out, it will be even more painful to witness.
I've been thinking a lot about how it will be when they finally have a serious talk about everything that happened. Jungkook apologising and opening up to OC.... Their first kiss after getting back together.... all of those thoughts have me tearing up already, I have no idea how I'll actually be able to read all of that and survive.
Alsoooo when you said that Kook's confession might be connected to his family I started wondering... did he do something that he's not so proud of to defend his family? Maybe to defend Ria? That made me go back to cmi lights to reread the scene with her and I saw this: “So…” Ria hums, sighing, and a memory flashes through her brain before she adds, suddenly understanding, “scared.” maybe it has something to do with it, maybe it doesn't, but what struck me is that he described himself as scared when he was talking to Tae about it in cmi 7.5 and that's how Ria describes him here too. So I guess my theory is that perhaps he did something a little violent to protect his family, like got in a fight? And he's scared of that version of himself coming out when he feels that someone he loves is in danger in some way? If that's the case, then he's definitely had some progress because I still remember when he held himself back from fighting Jin's friend at the club (in cmi layers i think?) because he thought it through and realised it would hurt OC 🥺🥺🥺 I loved him for that then and I still do now. I'm normally so bad at coming up with theories but I'm throwing this one out there.
I saw you saying you had a busy day and I hope you're taking time to take care of yourself too, Rid 🥺🥺🥺 I always hope you're doing well and if you're not, I'm always ready with lots of hugs and love for you 💞💞💞
why is reading your asks so comforting and interesting, like i could read essays and not get bored, no matter what they're about djkmhakjd
oh god, yes, i'm definitely so so excited for c&f! i just need to figure out the ending properly – i think that's why i'm not posting part 2 yet, bc i want to plant hints or important stuff in ch2, so it makes sense later on. but we're on it !! i can def do a teaser this week <3
cmi couple, yeah fuck yeah, things have changed so much and so abruptly 😭 just a few weeks ago they were bodypainting and showering together and falling in love, and now they're crying over each other like where did things go wrong... ALSO NOOO, not the bit with them reconciling 😭 the worst thing is... i know how it's gonna be, and i've cried about it before lmao the day i post that chapter, i'll hide and wait for reactions like :''')
the theory is amazing, ivi. when ria said he wasn't like that before, she was just a little wrong – because he's always been scared. just now, with oc, it's worse. it could definitely be something about defending someone... would make sense with how he behaved in layers. then again, i promise you that should something HUGE happen, jk won't hesitate to swing his fists... you'll know what i mean ANYWAYS!! yeah the reveal is gonna be painful. i think it's gonna be unexpected in some ways, and i truly hope i can bring across the feelings well and make you guys understand what was going on in his head <3
and thank you 🥺 my mood fluctuates for some reason, but today was better... i'm really really working hard on being okay :') thank you so much. your love and hugs help more than you know. and i always hope you're doing well, too, especially when you're a bit more inactive 🤍
#loved this#ty for always dropping by <3#cmi: and now? 💭#notes for rid 🌹#ivi <3#long ask#fic: colour me in
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my honest opinion i had to talk myself down about the barry ending which is sending me bc the BCS ending had the same kneejerk reaction of WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE JOKING
HOWEVER that being said i feel way better about the barry ending because at least barry's demise and being immortalized as first a pacifict hero to baby john, and now a guts and glory american war hero to everyone else + teen john, its in line with what the show is commenting on abt us military system. like its sad but this isn't a system fix it show so that makes sense. fuches and hank convo really shanked me. what could you possible kill that you love so much it would make the sun rise again btw. i just wanted to be safe btw. call me crazy but i was viewing it with fuches coming to terms about accepting who he is, as barry's 'murderer' i don't think barry is completely helpless. in fact he's pretty helpful in putting himself in situations where he victimizes himself a lot. but to me the "admit you fucked up, admit you were scared and you hate yourself" scene was fuches and barry reconciling in prison for a second and retreating into being the raven. what stephen root said, he could be standing there with a gun in barry's mouth and still say i love you... didn't get my hug but him protecting john was all types of fucked up and achieved the same emotions in me sort of
what i mean about BCS ending though i feel lukewarm about it but i still cannot reconcile the message of "i fixed it bc i went to jail and i deserve this" thats why i continue to feel :/ about it. i know sally said something along those lines (i got kim flashbacks) but barry's demise was not about what he deserved or anything it is simply what happens when you chose the path of violence like that just like how hank went down that path. i dont think he ever would have woken up and stopped so it makes more sense to me. stream of consciousness end
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💔🛑🔞???? omg im so sorry i didnt see that u were doing these
Hii Ella hiii <3
💔: any hated npcs?
uhhh honestly even the annoying ones I have a fondness for bc they are like... interestingly mean or it makes sense for them etc etc what makes me hate characters if they are stupidly written and with THAT I really hate the battlebliss guy (Irmangaleth or whatever his name is) and the aasimar guy in the abyss he can eat a dick. Also my god the trickster king guy and Socothbenoth i hate those guys
🛑: least favourite quest, or a quest you refuse to complete?
Blackwater and the Fallout reference quest. They are both boring/fustrating AND give no loot at the end. For non-backer content that one puzzle w the treant lost lands or whatever that place is called and the heart of mystery shit bc its too long... cool story beat and we learn more abt my friend Storyteller but experiencing it once was enough lol
🔞: do you have any nsfw headcanons, either for ocs or canon characters?
oh my god i have some... under the cut (also i have a lot to ramble abt sfdgfsdhf)
Ok first abt my ocs:
Bell has a lot of negative connotations w intimacy in general bc of the cult he was in and also towards sex since most of his sexual partners in the cult did die in childbirth (the whole glippothspawn deal). So he is almost scared to have sex with people and tries to live in a way where he does not do it a lot while also struggling with his own desires that he cant properly communicate or cultivate because intimacy is just too wrapped in for him in sex and death (like he finds casual hugs strange etc, very touch starved and isolated). He was also forced a lot into a more dominant role during that time and during the Cam romance he was forced into that again and he did it but he simply just does NOT enjoy that sort of stuff at all but he still needs an outlet etc. Thats why his romance and sexual life with Nocticula works better bc she is the one holding the reins and he cant possibly hurt her bc she is powerful and strong and his equal and likeness etc.
Cass is similar since she was also isolated and affection starved as a child but she was also trained to use intimacy and sexuality as a weapon almost to keep herself in the good graces of her superiors (she was in a s/m "relationship" with some priestesses of Asmodeus who were her employers). She does enjoy exploring that power dynamic tho but she has a hard time being intimate and soft without bringing sex into it so her love w Wendu starts with both of them almost hate fucking eachother a lot lol. Then she opens up and learns to be soft and teaches Wendu along the way and they start to care about each other more deeply its very nice.
Marci is just ig very sexful (high sex drive) and while she is generally very well composed and stable that can cause issues with her. She probably has a lot of casual sex. Like I was thinking abt her having sex w Sister Kerismei (the woman from Woljif's quest), one of her army generals (the elf lady), and having a few lovers in Drezen too. She and Arue can bond over that too while she is in horny jail.
Masha is also pretty horny and she has sex with people before feeding on them (i know...). I had an idea for a scene where Lann catches her doing it and he is so crushed bc the girl he likes is fucking other ppl and eating them but they talk it out. She also probably gets it down a bit w Cam (her bicurios moment) and they drink blood together (weirdo besties for like 2 seconds) before Masha offs her (by sucking her dry) in the Abyss (sorry Cam).
Tessa is generally very chaste and she is more focused on the intimacy sex provides. Not the type of person who feels desire a lot. Also she has some baggage after being a Nocticula worshipper around sex bc she used her beauty and sex appeal a lot to hurt others and she prefers having relationships that are no longer centered around that.
Duncan is just chill. He has no isses anymore, he had many long term relationships in his time. He is like 40 also and he had a wild time being a teen/young adult around sexuality but its like mostly behind him. Like in the relationship w Daeran he is clearly the more well composed and at peace one so Daeran is just going trough it trying to untagle the mess of his emotions while Duncan is just there supporting him, hanging out and smoking weed lmfao.
For canon characters I mostly have thoughts of Woljif, Lann, Wendu and Daeran... less nsfw headcanonc and more of an interpretation of their characters bc i am insane
Like Daeran very clearly cant separate affection and being horny so he always tries to sleep with people he cares about and is attracted to thats why he goes so hard for the commander lmao. He is probably a good lover tho but he has issues.
Lann is probably very worried about everything and lets his insecurities show and is generally stiff in those situations so its very awkward. But once he gets over that he has a fucking job to do.
Wendu cant separate pain and pleasure properly AND she probably has that specific issue where she does not let herself want casual intimacy and soft affection bc she convinces herself tht she does not need it so she is all sexhorny instead and tries to channel her frustration into that. She is also probably very unhealthy in the S/M relationship too like type of sub who wont rly talk abt boundaries or safewords or shit which causes issues. True love Wendu however learns that those are important and gets better at communication so there is more aftercare.
OK with Woljif... Its less about his sexual habits but his connection towards sexuality ig bc he gets no action very clearly. He is bisexual tho but he is also very insecure and never have been loved. He kind of strikes me as a Denji Chainsawman type character who wants to be loved and cared for but he is also a horny young adult (instead of being a teen like Denji) so he probably conceptualizes those wishes as "omg i need to have sex" instead of him needing love and care yk.
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i hate baby jonny being sad and upset over will(;_;) it BREAKS MY HEART and after i finished reading him getting scared i couldn’t stop imagining what would happen if max had a nightmare :0
*getting the scene set up please standby*
ok so she’s at mike’s house and the whole party’s there including the older teens and they’ve had a movie bing, they’ve pigged out on junk food, they’ve been talking about everything and nothing and now they’ve finally gone to sleep with no problems, aside from steve having to sneak into holly’s room to steal her nightlight for jonathan, and everything’s good
she had stayed big the whole night and was having some lovely rest but then it all comes crashing back
she sees billy, the spider monster, el in terrible pain, the monster from the hospital, everything that happened that night, and she wakes up in a cold panic, scared and unfortunately little:(
she tries not to make a lot of noise while she silently sobs because it’s past midnight but steve knows when one of his babies is in trouble and wakes up in an instant
“ max, is everything okay?”
“ sorry stevie, i didn’t mean to wake you up”
“ that’s okay, do you wanna- *he’s cut off by max running from her spot next to lucas and jonny to his lap*
“ it was so scary stevie, i saw b-billy and the monsters and and…”
“ oh i’m so sorry sweetheart, how about a cookie, hmm? can a cookie cheer you up?”
“ m’kay, but can you hold me? i still scared”
“ of course! i’ll do anything to make my max happy”
*fast-forward to the kitchen*
“ chocolate chip or-
steve’s stops when he hears sniffles, sniffles he knows all too well
“ jonny? what are you doing up?”
“ max was gone”
“ no i not, i right here” *points to herself to make the point clear*
“ but not when i woke up:( me and ducky got scared”
“ well she’s here right now, she was upset that’s all”
“what!” *he and max are shocked because he never raises his voice unless he’s screaming* * even the paci falls out*
“ don’ be upset! i right here, i’ll make it better:) uppies?”
“ i don’t know buddy, i already have max..” but those eyes, those sweet eyes that break steve everytime
“ oh alright, c’mere”
now he has two babies in his arm, hugging each other with cookie crumbs on their face, when eddie and robin walk in
“ are you guys having cookies without me?”
“ that’s exactly what they’re doin’ robin, they left us out!”
“ no baby, not at all, you see max was upset and then jonny found out and one thing led to another and…”
let’s just say steve was up an extra two hours with all of them, having to squeeze his eyes shut so the puppy eyes won’t make him give them all more cookies（*＾ワ＾*）i swear if you tell lucas or nancy or will or uncle wayne about this midnight snacking…
max was happy, she had steve, her favorite friend in the whole wide world(minus el obvi) and robin and eddie to make her feel better and that nightmare was long forgotten
later steve asks her about it and she says she just can’t shake billy, he scares her to the core when she thinks about him flayed, and steve assures her that he and everyone else would always be there for her<3
nightly rambles while listening to hamilton is sm fun(>▽<)
baby jonny being upset over will is just. 💔he loves his wuh-wuh so much okay!!! AND NOW MAXIE W THE NIGHTMARE OH NO ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡
steve could be in a deep REM sleep with the world around him absolutely dead to him & he would still be able to sense when one of his little ones are crying, regardless if it's silent or if he's in a different room. that's simply the mother hen in him coming out (*´˘`*)♡
when max climbs into his lap, crying about billy and the monsters and el being hurt, steve takes a moment to rock her gently, wiping tears from her eyes when she calms down. "cookies make everything better, yknow. do you want a cookie?"
"mhm .. hold me, tho, pease"
the gang actually baked a lot of different cookies earlier that night bc half of them were craving something sweet, but everyone couldn't agree on just two different kinds: there's chocolate chip, sugar, oatmeal (not oatmeal raisin), butter ... so many different kinds (≡^∇^≡) max is given the option of three different cookies bc who is steve to deny her that? (his initial bargain was 2 cookies but max said please & he caved instantly)
then jonny toddles into the kitchen, ducky in arms & paci in his mouth, eyes kinda teary bc he woke up & maxie and teeb were gone :((
"hey, bud! it's alright, maxie just had a nightmare–"
"maxie hadda nigh'mare?!"
just like max is ready to throw hands w jonny's nightmares, he's ready to chuck his stuffie at her's! how dare a nightmare make his friend upset! thankfully when his paci tumbles out of his mouth in shock it's caught by the paci clip attached to his shirt so it doesn't fall to the floor. max is like "it's okay! i okay, now!" & points to the cookies on the stove. "i'm getting cookies!"
jonny still wants uppies, just to make sure his buddy's doing extra okay ... and he also wants cookies ksndksnd & steve definitely can't say no to his sweet little eyes!! so he gets his three choice cookies, too!!
they end up having milk with their cookies, mainly bc steve wanted to dunk his chocolate chip cookie in some & the littles were like "oooo ... milk too, pease?" max gets chocolate & jonny gets angel milk, n they're all rlly content
then eddie & robin come toddling in side by side, awakened by the smell of freshly heated cookies, and they are so SCANDALIZED to find the three of them munching on cookies & milk WITHOUT them! they literally GASP & that's what catches everyone else's attention
"eddie! they're eating cookies without uuuuss!"
"that's no faaaaair!!" ･ﾟ･( ｡>д<｡)･ﾟ･
eddie's pouting so hard his cheeks r puffed out & robin's genuinely abt to cry bc she loves cookies so much — they're one of her favorite sweets — & to know there are three people eating them without her is such a horrendous crime to her little brain!! and if robin starts crying, eddie's gonna start crying, & his cries are loud so that's gonna make jonny cry bc he doesn't like loud noises, & that's also gonna wake other people up, & steve doesn't want any of that in the middle of the night \(;≡ω≡)
"hey, hey, it's okay! you guys can have some cookies too, there's enough for everybody! max was just upset, then jonny woke up and i couldn't leave him out while he watched max get her cookies, so..."
he lets the two of them have their top three choices & fixes eddie his chocolate milk; robin doesn't want milk, but she does want ice cream, so she gets a half scoop in a small bowl, & all is well again!
... until robin pulls out the puppy dog eyes for more ice cream and eddie copies her bc now he wants some ice cream, then max whips out the puppy dog eyes just to help them out bc she's a little menace at heart
"nope, nope, nope! you guys already had three cookies, and robin, you had ice cream!"
"pleeeeeeease, steviiiiiie?"
"n-no more sweets for the night, nuh-uh!"
"preeeeetty pleeeeease?"
"no more– n-no more sweets, nope...! no, no, no ... j-jonny, help a buddy out, here!"
jonny just giggles while he sips at the rest of his milk. " 'nother cookie for ducky, pease?" (ducky does not, in fact, want a cookie, jonny rlly thinks the other three ganging up on steve while he tries SO hard to stand his ground to puppy dog eyes is funny)
"oh dear god, not ducky too!"
he ends up caving and gives them their ice cream jonny a refill of angel milk, & a few bread crumbs for ducky instead of a cookie, but he put up a good fight — he stood his ground for a good 45 seconds 😭 "okay, that's IT! no more!"
okay, maybe no more sweets ... but now they want popcorn to even it out 🤭 "alriiiight ... but if you tell lucas or nancy OR will OR uncle wayne, they're going to have my head-" ESPECIALLY nancy; she's been teaching him how to stand up to the puppy dog eyes for forEVER now & he's still caving omg ,, the day he finally stands up to them will be a day of celebration
they pinky swear their secrecy. steve will not lose his head tonight!!
and two hours past midnight, after letting them munch on popcorn & a little bit of juice, then flipping on some tv at a low volume, they conk out again, all in a tangled pile of limbs <3
#fun fact when i tried writing this i accidentally exited out of the app w/o saving 💀#& i have nothing against oatmeal raisin cookies btw. theyre pretty good#🍓．berry n friends <3#loserhotline friend <3#stranger things agere#sfw agere#fandom agere#agere asks#agere concept
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these are my thoughts on the bullshit
eddies death made me cry for the first time in nearly two years and i am a master of repressing my emotions so great cool
eddie is a goddamn moron for dying like that and im mad at him
im going to construct intricate fantasies in my head so he stops being dead there at least
lame and gay that they only had dustin and wayne munson actually visibly mourning him, as if he wasn't also friends with mike.
WILL BYERS: come get a hug baby. him telling mike about his own feelings but pretending that it was eleven who felt those things -> made me very upset. will has been crying a lot and he doesn't deserve it at all. will is so deeply and tragically in love with mike it breaks my heart
steve??? his ending here is basically that he confesses to nancy and then nothing? LAME.
its good that steve acknowledges his own growth and it being spurred by nancy but that doesn't mean that they were like ,, destined to be together. why couldn't he just be like hey thanks for making me see that i was an asshole and ive changed for the better, lets be friends?
jonathan is still lying to nancy about the college thing??? after AAALLL of that??? also lame
what happened to dmitri and yuri. did they just drop off joyce, hopper and murray and then flew back to russia together? are they hanging out? are they going back to their families? who knows not me
season 4 is the season of Max Suffering
and she doesn't deserve iiittt
it did think that she was gonna die for a minute there but im sure she'll make a comeback next season somehow.
i do have a sneaking feeling she might be permanently blind
maybe its because i never got over billy but i think it's a shame that max wasn't really able to work through her trauma abt it with vecna after all. obv she did get some closure in "dear billy" but the last thing she said regarding him was 'yea sometimes i prayed he would die in a car crash and also im suicidal now' like?? she was saying that to bait henry into getting her but i feel like it might've been nice if later on she had tried to resist by saying she did miss billy in some way. like ooh henry you were wrong actually about me being glad that billy is dead bc thats not entirely true !! i mean i think she has very conflicting feelings about him. like yea she did hate him but she also loved him in a way and that can coexist.
i need to stop talking about billy sorry
couldn't anyone give poor dustin some crutches? that boy is limping.
jason dying unceremoniously by just burning up from the earth opening? good. he deserves it a little bit kind of. like yea he didnt understand what was going on but god that boy was annoying.
brenner dead? also good. hes been nothing but a menacing creep since the beginning of the show and im glad he's gone. love that eleven didnt give him the satisfaction of saying that she understood why he did what he did. just love that for her.
where the fuck did that sword come from that hopper used to kill the demogorgon??
robin and vickie 🥰🥰🥰
i knew Vickie's boyfriend wasn't gonna last after that one scene that he was in.
lucas :(((
watching him hold max while she was dying was so painful. so. she better get back thats all im saying
henry?? annoying ass bitch.
i feel like his character is about rejection, being unloved and only seeing the worst in people because of it. which is whyyy it would make sense if his ending was about accepting that people can be good and bad, guilty and innocent. that having done bad things doesn't ruin you as a person, bc thats what he keeps trying to show his victims, that they ARE bad people for their guilt and trauma. a satisfying resolution would be about convincing him to see the good in people. but his ending will probably be more along the lines of big explosion fireball eleven screaming.
eleven and max's friendship >>>>>
el better get her bestie back.
okay those are all my thots so far
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Would you re write chenfords story and why?
Hi Anon,
thank you so much for this question and for being interested in my opinion!
Mostly, I like how chenford is written. Actually, there are no scenes with them that I don't like shoutout to the actors who do an amazing job and I love a good slow-burn!
THAT SAID, I do feel like the writers sometimes don't know what to do with them storytelling wise e.g. there is the intimacy of the hug in 4x01 but then there was not much until the end of the season which makes those scenes feel like they excist more to bait fans then bc they serve a plot slow-burn purpose.
So, I would rewrite them in the sense that I would write "more" for them and show that I have an actual plan. building up to the kiss since season 1. sure jan Meaning, I would make sure the audience sees gradual progress (or at least a clear direction for the storyline) with every chenford scene.
Tbh I think this is a general problem the rookie writers have. I am not a huge fan of their writing when it comes to emotional storylines or gradually/ "naturally" developing relationships (e.g. the impact of Jackson's death was not handled very well imo. Same goes for Nolan/ Bailey: their relationship seems so forced to me).
And I think this is why to me chenford scenes are a bit "out of context” sometimes (Idk how to word that better). As a viewer I see no identifiable clear direction for them: one moment you could think they are headed towards sth romantic but then the writers throw other love interests in there - which could make sense even if they are supposed to become a romantic couple but I wouldn’t have done that at this point in their “relationship” - it seems random and came completely out of nowhere to me.
Anyways, I am still very excited for season 5 chenford after what happened in 4x22 and I have a lot of hope the writers finally realize what to do with them ;) and that they won’t screw us over. Something that I would have done sooner but I think needs to happen in season 5 is for other characters to pick up on the romantic tension between chenford and comment on it!
Tl;dr: to me chenford is pretty much the heart of the show and I would sometimes make more of an effort for their storyline and just in general focus on the amazing ensemble cast and refrain from making nolans love interests series regulars (nothing against jenna dewan and nathan filion but... come on!
I hope this answers your question :)
#chenford#asks#i sneaked the topic of nolan and his love interests in here#mainly bc i am so confused by that?#why would you as a writer#not make good use of having an amazing ensemble cast#and inetersting characters#and instead promote boring love interests to series regulars?#(at least thorsen was also promoted and i love him)#sb on here said that bailey is all male fantasies come to live#and ashjhsjkf#yes exactly that!#I HATE that character#die already
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