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#i love microanalysing
diazfox · 17 days
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i can't believe we get to witness a love so pure.
what i love about this scene is the fact that the first instinctual emotion she felt was so much pain. she had set herself up for disappointment but the reversal of her expectations was so overwhelming that she physically could not handle it. like a knot in her chest unravelling with a sharp twinge before the warmth of relief envelops her.
and chimney for the rest of his time with maddie, slowly picking up her broken pieces and putting them back together with her, through actions veiling whispered promises of a better tomorrow.
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in 7 days we're going to witness them vow to dedicate the rest of their lives to each other. they might be more than ready but i'm not
gifs by @bilosan
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doomednarrative · 2 years
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Honestly at this point if you ask me what I am I'm just going to tell you that I'm bi and thats all you need to know. That alone explains the Everything about me~
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elloratic-ffxiv · 1 year
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Had a realisation
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myobsessionsspace · 5 months
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Fatigue
Kinda Random Thoughts a couple of days after the 'last BTS Live'
Ngl feeling a bit of mental and emotional fatigue.
I think it’s safe to say it’s going around.
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The sad thing about social media is no matter how much you try and curate your own bubble with things that make you happy and positive people, it’s hard to maintain. Social media is a representation of everyday offline people. Regular people behind the usernames with their own opinions, experiences, likes and dislikes (celebrities are regular people too, just famous for something or talented and known for it).
Though it’s good for growth and maturity to not just surround yourself with the same opinions and thoughts as yourself, it’s also tiring when you feel the need just be understood. When you can never enjoy things in peace because others need more information, more context, need to pick apart, need to make their side seen, their conclusions/interpretations the decisive one.
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Over the years we’ve had SEVERAL Jikook lives, OT7 lives or lives with some of the members as well as Jikook. I, like most of us, LOVE Jikook lives. When watched in its entirety we not only see their ‘moments’ but we see them as regular people, we then can discern the fake from true when we see fake subs, edits etc. What makes Jikook even more interesting and captivating, to me, is when I can see the similarities as well as the exceptions in their interactions with each other and their other members. I found Jikook AFTER I found BTS…
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and not only do I love their lives with primarily the two of them, I also love their solo lives, their lives with other members and OT7 lives. All the members are interesting in their own ways and their lives shed light on them and the other members, Jikook included. Watching their lives (though still them putting their best face forward and always aware that they’re being watched by millions) is so much more rewarding than just watching edits, summaries etc from the likes of TikTok, YouTube and other platforms. It’s fun AFTER watching their lives to then see what army have done to have fun with them, such as funny edits, fake FUN subs etc.
**please please please, weverse is free, whenever you have the time, watch the lives there with the subtitles there, though not always the best, it’s better than those who may not translate for altruistic reasons**
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It gets me down sometimes the constant need it seems, within fandom culture, to microanalyse every piece of content we get. We have the need to seek out hidden messages, hidden looks, put context behind what is and isn’t said. Give explanation where it isn’t needed and draw conclusions from what isn’t said.
Most of the time it’s cute, fun and ‘harmless’
But sometimes 😪
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MANIPULATION, MISINFORMATION & MISTRANSLATION
Without agenda, edits, cuts, slow mo and with context & rightful subtitles - Original Weverse Source
It’s always been this way and sadly seems like it always will be. I like context, I like information, when possible I like to get it from the original source. It’s nice when busy and unable to read whole interviews or watch whole lives, to see little snippets and clips that float around online. But it’s so draining when those little clips and snippets are then used to paint different pictures and narratives depending on the sharer’s biases/intention. When it’s aimed at making members into villains, defaming their characters etc.
It’s rarely the case that the purpose for lives (when there is one) ends up being appreciated solely for that. Just the members wanting to connect with their fans.
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mukbangs, karaokes, Legos, q&a’s, tmi’s, messages of thanks, birthday lives, just because lives. All the times they go on live that can be appreciated for just that end up being used as material for hate
Everytime it should be healing to interact with those we are fans of, after the initial wave of euphoria is over, undoubtedly what follows is soo much negative noise, new narratives, more hate etc.
As I said before I try to curate my timelines, who I follow, things I like & comment on etc but sometimes the need to correct misinformation, the need to defend the lies and negativity means I still end up seeing so much of the bad.
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REAL (Weverse Original Source)
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FAKE!
I know this is a cycle and I have choices and am not being forced to be anywhere.
It’s just one of those days where I want to word vomit on my blog.
I just want to enjoy BTS and Jikook peacefully and positively. Why can’t everyone want to do the same for their faves?? Why is it always so angry and combative and about winners and losers, horrible name calling and malicious lies, insults, nasty images etc. Why campaigns to cause mental anguish to members and their family? To sabotage and try to get members separated or even imprisoned. Why mass report playlists and accounts? Why when more often than not, it changes nothing.
If you don’t like something why spend so much energy on it? The members will still interact with each other, those that have ships & biases remain and Jikook will still be Jikook 💅
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I know social media is a representation of the real world and that there are nasty people in the real world, so of course it makes sense that there are nasty people online, it’s just tiring and sucks the fun out.
They won’t stop me enjoying BTS’ music & content, them as individuals and a group nor will they stop me enjoying whatever Jikook chose to share with us,
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but everyone once in a while it does mean I get social media fatigue, fandom fatigue and the need for me to do posts like this.
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💜
Please use this post to share on the good things you like about the fandom, the group and BTS & Jikook online spaces. Let’s bring the positivity back for ourselves 💪
I hope anyone feeling like me can find what they need to keep on going in the fandom or make the move to take a break 💜
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irvingcoded · 8 months
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I hate book irving and silna but I feel robbed we never see show silna and irving interact
man right?? especially given how the show still maintains irving's narrative connection and relative sympathies toward the surrounding netsilik people it's honestly such a waste! I would have loved to see them interact even just one scene, since it'd be decidedly Not Like The Book! like, even if irving wasn't deep repressed gay denial he's still just Big Repressed in general he isn't going to suddenly start acting inappropriate and horny just because there's a woman in proximity...... anyway, while I do mostly very much like how (and why) they adapted that arc for goodsir in the show instead of irving, it would have still been nice to hold onto a couple more things with irving I think. not the horny fuckboy shit obviously but the more meaningful moments of connection I guess.
irving in the show kind of suffers in general from a lack of introspection I think, in that we do get deeper and more internal insights to a lot of the main / supporting cast, quiet and intentionally revealing moments for us the viewers, but with him we're kind of denied a similar glimpse behind the curtain, aside from how the character is portrayed and interpreted by ronan raftery and the literal context of his scenes. which isnt to say there's not TONS of subtext because there definitely is, it's almost entirely nothing that was actually written into the scripts so I imagine it came later, maybe mainly via ronan's portrayal and how the actor chemistry unfolded which led to dave k's validation of that subtext that (unlike with most other characters!) was again very absent / lacking any significant detail in the transcripts.
and honestly I do think this actually mostly works for his character in particular, because even he is denying himself further insight into who he really is, BUT it definitely also backfires in the sense that so many ppl get blindsided by his actions in ep7, despite there definitely being scenes before that which do inform them, because we never get much access to his logic and process, whereas others you can almost see beat by beat as their opinions/feelings are evolving or changing. ALL THIS TO SAY even just one actual interaction with silna could have maybe helped somewhat bridge the narrative gap for all the people who are not obsessed with microanalysing every tiny crumb of irving content and details, perhaps... 🤪
and honestly irving aside, there is a lot a LOT of book silna content that imo would have been nice to keep or adapt at least. the book undoubtedly has its flaws and weaknesses and given the era of perspectives its being told through its hard to avoid that huge lens of bigotry but, the show could have still incorporated more of her scenes and character insight and even the deeper background of inuit lore but just ofc handled it more appropriately and accurately.
(that's also another thing for me how goodsir and irving never interact [onscreen] EITHER except ofc after irvings dead yet the character /narrative parallels are all over the place between both book AND show & not even limited to just the storyline transference!!!! arrrrrggghh... not that they interact much in the book either, I mean, but SINCE the show goes through so much trouble to have adapted and paralled the characters this way we could have gotten more from the show there too... all I'm sayin...)
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Ok so, the new episode has evoked multiple trains of thought in my head and although they all are related to the buck/tommy/eddie situation, i think it makes sense to put them down in several categories here:
Overall feel of the show at abc: i'm gonna say that the show definitely feels a bit unsettled after the network change, they seem to have a hard time balancing personal relationship plots and actual firefighter stuff. I know a lot of the cases in previous seasons were silly but they were still believable. The whole cruise disaster thing was just so over the top and now in the last 2 episodes there has been next to no action. The promo for next week's episode looks kinda like absolute mayhem. I do believe the abc team will figure this out and that they just need a little time to get comfortable but it's defo noticeable.
Buck's character: completely removed from his new romantic relationship, i am soooo loving his coming out arc. They've shown 2 amazing coming out scenes and one (and a half) dates and yet the word bisexual didn't even need to be said!!! It just makes sense as a story on its own!! It feels so natural and buck seems so so happy and in love and settled and has gobsmacking chemistry with tommy. I love that we get to watch him make mistakes and get things right while figuring himself out, it just feels so close to real life and i think the writers (and actors) are doing a fantastic job here.
Tommy's character: OBSESSED WITH HIM. HE'S SO FUNNY. And i think he's an excellent first male love interest for buck because he doesn't beat around the bush. He's comfortable in his own skin and is very aware that he doesn't have to give that up for buck despite crushing on him hardcore. I love that he gives buck the space to make mistakes and come to terms with his bi-ness, but not at the expense of himself. He is a great mature influence on buck and i think will eventually help him to become confident in his sexuality in a way buck may have taken way longer to do on his own. Which leads me to ...
The buck/tommy relationship: this is where things start to get complicated. My head says "let's microanalyse every scene in regards to buddie" but my heart says "enjoy how fucking cute buck and tommy are being on screen right now". I DON'T WANT THEM TO BREAK UP. AT ALL. THEY ARE CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER. WHIPPED, IN FACT!!! I do think buck/tommy isn't "endgame" per se but i do think they fit so well together, they should be given the opportunity to last a little while at least. Buck needs someone like tommy now who will hold him accountable while being entirely sympathetic. It's a great dynamic that i would be very sad to see go (and so would buck i think because i have never seen heart eyes that intense on that man before....)
Buck/eddie: look. I can't unsee it, just like everybody else. Doesn't matter how cute tommy and buck are, i hold my breath whenever buck and eddie share a scene now. There's some weird shit happening there. I think the writers have been very clever with the latest episode because it leaves buck and eddie on good terms without insinuating what exactly comes next. Buck is completely focused on tommy right now (which is good!) and eddie has his own stuff going on, so a rushed buddie arc would make zero sense right now. As a lot of people have already said, buddie is very much a long-haul game and while we can start to see seeds at this point, i'd hate to rush into it. Cause the slow burn is part of the fun right :D right ????
Eddie: eddie. My silly goose. I love what they're doing with him this season. He seems so much more able to let loose and enjoy himself. He's getting sillier and i love that for him. He also seems to have headspace for new things now.... such as recognising that he's limited by catholic guilt..... which is the number one symptom of being into hot godly women.... right ... right..... I'd probably kill a man to quiz the writers on how they came up with the concept of eddie/tommy. Because that means they've thought about how gay eddie would make sense. They will have discussed his motivations and experiences over the last few seasons and recontextualised them. And mould them into the life of a closeted gay man. Gnawing. Clawing, even.
Conclusion: buck/tommy slay. Hate to see them go. Would love to see eddie be gay and get his own independent coming out arc just like buck did. Want them to be gay buddies for a while. And then see what that makes of the situation.....
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abyssalpriest · 11 months
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I think.... I really needed to make peace with that game and reconnect with him and remember him as first and foremost being the Day Sky to me like at the same time... I guess it's a No Shit Dei situation, Leviathan is a damn world-widely worshiped spirit he knows what he's doing he is ancient but like
I can't.... Explain in words how much of myself and my will to do spirit work and my stability and trust in myself was lost when I broke up w my ex, figuring out the little cult he had started surrounding this game I won't mention by name was...... A fucking cult and a section of a larger organised cult that he purposely kept me isolated from for Cult Reasons ie he purposely isolated members of his religious followings from each other in order to stop them piecing shit together and like.... Look. It was a cult.
I... Was so ready, when I worked with that game as a basis for my spirituality, to be insane. To be mad, to be on the border of humanity and the spiritual, to say weird shit. My power is partially in the sky and partially in madness and partially in the eldritch (one day I'll find a name for this since I don't like lovecraft and fiction-based connotations for myself, because surprise surprise due to aforementioned cult reasons that's a bit of a sensitive thing), that's me, the intersection of the day and the madness of communion with knowledge and God and the deep and dark tendril-based watery depths.... and I associated the eldritch with my abusive cult leader ex and the madness of the time was all me spouting his cult ideas and things that explicitly were made up to a larger audience, and the sky..... I felt like I was a piece of shit and I was so disconnected from so much of myself that I couldn't be a part of the sky. Today marks a change
I'm allowed to be batshit insane and still know what I am talking about. I'm allowed to be eldritch and not inherently be a danger to people. I am (a part of) the overarching Day Sky which always takes up huge swathes of space and has a presence and is liminal and transcendental and undefined - and also is neutral and doesn't rule over incarnated Earth nor is it more important than Earth, the sky and the earth are eternal equal lovers with different skills and strengths and techniques but remain in love. The sky is allowed to exist in neutrality. I'm so sick of existing in discourse online where one team has to be righteous and therefore deserves power over the wicked and the other side is wicked and therefore must be punished... I'm sick of microanalysing every little thing I do because it gets completely in the way of what spirit work is. For fucks sake man I'm able to sit here discussing views on human sacrifice with gods where we're allowed to have very different views without judgement, I'm allowed to say woah but it's a human life and they're allowed to say yes but you eat animals, can't we eat you? And no one witch hunts anyone, we can debate.... And we talk (unrelatedly) how I want to consume because I am a living being and a growing spirit that hungers, and does that mean I'm ready to be consumed? When the hunt turns on me will I be ready to be eaten alive? having intellectual conversations on these topics with ancient nature spirits.... Enlightening. Mind-blowing. Completely new ways of seeing the world and then completely new ways of seeing what I'm seeing... Meanwhile back on this plane if I say the wrong word that I didn't know was bad I'm expected to lie down and take it when I'm hunted for sports, not because we admit we're all animals who want to enforce order but because Im a disgusting beast....
I can finally admit I am gentle by force of will because I do not wish to harm people, I do everything I can to stick to my morals and be gentle, I am simply existing, doing my job, spreading information which is by itself neutral - not even teaching, just leaving my records of my Tantric evolving journey into awakening to my true self for others to see as a curiosity.... I'm tired of That Game I Mentioned (or the version of it my ex taught me) and the cult I was in surrounding said game colouring my vision and I am tired of not embodying the part of nature I have been since before discourse was a thing because; despite the fact I know I cry if I offend people let alone actively hurt them, I am listening eternally for every other humans opinions on what I am doing before I do anything. But I do not work for humans. Why have I been so upset day in day out about every little wrong thing I do, every off phrasing of sentences, tearing apart everything I am and do and hating it because it's all marred with hurtful clumsy problematic takes and uneducated opinions and dangerous ideas? Why am I paranoid about hurting people to the point of wringing dry all my experiences of all their character and nuance? I do not work for humans.
I am allowed to make mistakes and mess up and I will correct myself. I need to trust that. I need to trust that most people will just tell me if I do something that's a social faux pas and just talk it out with me... And as my Lord said, I need to acknowledge that I work for him, a spirit to whom humans have been sacrificed and many have lost their lives - but also because of whom we are here today and who watches over us and loves us actively and constructively and teaches us things that progress our civilisation forward. I work for something that is beyond what our human minds can wrap around and confine into human morality and discourse... And I work for him as in I don't just bow to him but channel him, he possesses me, I am one of his vessels, my eyes are his eyes whenever he wants them. He comes round to eat my food, to read my messages to friends, to give opinions, to rearrange my furniture, there is increasingly less and less divide between us....... Which means I have to be ready to transcend past human imposed barriers on thought and progress. And that means I, a part of the Day Sky, need to trust my Lord, and I have learned.... That I can. And I want to. I'm ready to trust again. Accidentally just highlighted the text from need to trust my Lord to the end of the last sentence and it was highlighted in day sky blue lmfao. Thank you. I will.
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allonzy · 2 years
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yall
i could've sworn i only hit 200 followers a few days ago.
now i've already crossed 300. leave it us to us bylers to fall down six times and get up seven – THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for making it so fun to microanalyse every single thing and for all your headcanons and theories 💗
i love interacting with you all and i can't wait to talk about this silly little show with everyone even more!!!
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neptune-ian · 3 months
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hello Neptunian. this is the yearning anon. Hmm. Somewhere I feel we tend to live in our heads, you know? I feel our generation hasa deep awareness of every thing on every level. It has sort of made us insecure and lonely? Like we microanalyse every aspect of someone and ourselves. Do you get me? This ever present knowing ruins things for us, like living in the moment. And I agree with what you've said. I do have the highest standards for myself and my 'partner'. I'm a work in progress. But what is stopping me from making a mess? Getting to know someone? I want to be free from perception and my own judgement.
Yes we all develop wounds from past experiences. We shouldn't be in unfulfilling relationships or with people who lack insight. Like you said due to all these issues people become ego centric? Like, they expect the other person to meet them where they are because everything is a test to find out how much people care about you. I remember having a friend who said she wished she had a friend like jimin, for example. And I looked at her like, bestie I'm right here, look at me, appreciate me. Not to blame her, but she is not alone in that. So people want to be loved but not do the work themselves or even recognise what love looks like. And then the other side. Me. I'm always wondering if love is conditional. Or should we love without reciprocation and recognition. It sounds wrong doesn't it? Being vulnerable is scary. But I'm sure it'll feel right with the right people. It's how we grow like you said.. no-one is perfect. Our mind is always preparing to run even before a mistake is made. We need to work with what we have, make it so much more better and keep trying. Remember when we were children? Everything felt easy. Life was a game. You could make friends in the sandpit just like that.. and stick together with zero rationality xD I wish we could be playful and free like that. Do we make life harder than it seems to be?
Hi anon!
Yes we make our life harder ([over]working, anxiety, unhealthy tendencies…) and we expect a lot from others and/or ourselves which is not good when their is no limits. Like your friend who ignored your friendship… we can’t totally blame her because maybe she is suffering and don’t know how to word it properly or whatever is/was going on in her life, but her words were hurtful.
I know people easily say « we should be grateful for what we have » but sometimes it’s just not what we need and it’s hard. I think more than being grateful when we are suffering, we should be aware of what we have and work towards better outcomes. But that is a long process to just recognize whatever we have or are.
You are right too, our generation knows more about mental issues, social issues, environment issues too. We are less depressed as time goes by because humans keep repeating the same mistakes but differently. We should all just do the right things to improve the world (and ourselves) without carrying too much burden or projecting it onto others.
It’s a long work in progress… eventually… or maybe? 😭😂
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so0ppa · 6 months
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i love microanalysing stuff
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soljiwann · 3 years
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the way sol's love language is acts of service and jiwan's is physical touch.... hnnhhhhh I just. keep thinking of. how, in the withdrawal of it all. sol has gotten accustomed to how touchy-feely jiwan is and tempering her own expectantions in the midst of all that even thru the feelings she has had for jiwan for SO LONG and. jiwan pretending to forget hurts sol so deeply bc once this line has been breached they cannot just pretend it doesn't exist; and for the first time ever. sol flinches from jiwan's touch. sol, who loves letting jiwan get the first bite from her plate when their food arrives, who loves carrying stuff around for jiwan... for the first time, sol hands her baggage back to jiwan and walks away, exhausted.
and when, apologizing for falling for her best friend, she starts to pull away, sol feels her eyes brimming over and hastily wiping away that tear before jiwan could see. even if she's staring at jiwan's retreating back...
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donteverchxnge · 3 years
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guess who’s here to microanalyse the confession scene again??? me!!! (because i’m emotionally repressed and can’t move on but that’s besides the point)
today, we’re going to be talking about: the smile
we’re all familiar with jackles micro expressions after cas says “i love you”, and he looks like this:
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then the camera goes back to cas, and here we have: the smile
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however, this is way more than just a smile
this smile is not only to express cas at his true happiness, but also cas’s way of silently reassuring dean that everything is going to be okay. why? because cas understands dean more than anything in the universe and he knows that dean trusts him more than anyone.
cas knows how much his sacrifice will hurt dean but it’s no match to knowing that dean will be alive and well for a little while longer. cas sees dean struggling to accept the fact that he’ll be gone in a matter of seconds, but he just knows dean needs his last memory of cas to be him smiling, him happy.
thank you everyone for coming to my crippling mental state party 🎉 hope u enjoyed 🤠
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moved-19871997 · 3 years
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your dnf phan commentary is so based. I also feel like dnf created the idea of romantic feelings that dream and george would’ve never considered otherwise. whereas phan probably did pretty much did nothing but negatively impact whatever romantic relationship dan and phil already had
wait wait the negative impact thing like actually so true to the point that like . the public/their audience noticed and for them to be pretty private not to mention. yk. closeted, everyone talking abou t how they were in love and microanalysing whenever they so muhc as looked at each other would . not b e particularly fun. whereas for dnf it remained a joke but less 'its funny bc george being gay is funny' and more 'its funny bc being in love w each other is a funny concept' and they apparently got all the jokes and stuff even before they were famous so
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taikanyohou · 4 years
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hey faiza! have u seen that tweet saying the night they finished filming, win woke up in the middle of the night and said “it’s sad to think i won’t get to be tine again” and bright going “you’re just now feeling that? i started feeling it since last night” :((( they are so attached to their characters they love them so much im so glad they got to be sarawat and tine and we’re so blessed it’s them
hiii anon!! i did see it, the day he tweeted that out, and i wrote a post talking about how much that got to me. like. apparently, win was so so sick on that final day of shooting the ep 11 forest scenes, and yet. and YET. he did that. God. win's put so much ... effort into being tine i honestly do not know how he handled the pressure, weight loss wise and everything else as well. i still wish people gave him more credit and appreciated him a bit more bc ... he said that tine isn't really all that much like win himself, in that, tine is always high energy buzzing around but that win himself isn't like that, so being like that all the time would wear him out when they were shooting (coupled with the fact that he was legit starving himself to lose weight). and getting to see win's performances now, especially when it comes to seeing how well he portrays tine's insecurities, the way he acted out tine crying???
he is ... icb this is his first role??? and i just wish people appreciated win outside of him being this cheerful rich guy that he's always getting boxed down into and that they took him a bit more seriously and put some respect on his name and view him as a Good Solid Rookie Actor and A Real Human Being bc bright's said that ... win actually really really worries and stresses out so so much but he won't ever voice it out loud and he wishes that win would sometimes. and i wish people would stop labelling tine as this "dumb boy" bc ... its a Lot Lot more than that. tine has so many different faces to him and win blends them all so seamlessly to make tine this character that has so so many layers to him. like these 2 things grate me so much lmao and they're my biggest pet peeve.
and of course win would become so attached to tine bc its his debut role. he said he waited 2 whole years and took actng classes for 2 whole years just to debut on 2gether. and he's done so so well that it hurts when we saw him in jennie's reaction vid, literally microanalysing and scrutinising himself through a microscopic lense of how he was acting. i just wish he was a bit more confident in that aspect of himself, but that will slowly come, just like how doing solo livestreams so naturally came to him bc he and bright have said a few times that when its win alone, he gets so so shy and doesnt know what to say bc, if you notice in interviews, bright usually does most of the talking and win listens and then adds on, and he likes it this way. and i remember him doing an ig live once and there were long extended pockets of ... just ... silence bc he was so unsure. but then look at his solo live at lunch! he did so so well!!!! so it came with time. and i hope that confidence of being able to relax and not scrutinise his work so much comes too.
but yeah, i just hope he knows how well he's played tine. and i hope to god that every single person who doubted win last year when the first trailer was released and said that win could never be tine bc he didnt look like tine at all have taken back what they said bc i ... cannot see anyone else other than win play tine (not even bright, who was initally meant to play tine!)
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silver-wield · 4 years
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About your Aerith post... i have to confess that her behavior triggered my anxiety so i really dislike her. I remember in the OG i never cared about her, i dont know why in my 10 year old mind she was *mean*, but now I am almost 30 and in this remake i just... can't stand her, i guess is because i have bad experiecies with people like her, so i don't see that as just a minor flaw, but a big RED flag
i felt bad for Cloud, because I suck in that part and like him i was muttering please don't hear me and that was a really bad expierence *to me*, (i know people love her and that doesn’t bother me, i am not like those crazy antis who can’t stand people who like Tifa or Jessie more than Aerith), i had to quit the game for a few hours… i know it seems like a really extreme reaction, but it just hit me harder than expected.
It's not the first time I've brought this up with her behaviour, but what's interesting is the first time I did it I got called toxic and was told "that's an extremist way to view an OG canon scene". Well, I'm sorry, but actually it's not because that's what happens, and just because in the OG it wasn't as explicit that Cloud was sneaking out and people didn't understand it was because he wanted to leave, that's their damn problem.
It's funny how a couple of months later those same people who were saying my take on it was wrong are now saying Aerith's behaviour is problematic and it's a triggering scene for people who understand abusive situations.
I'm used to being ahead of the curve though lol
I didn't care about OG Aerith either when I played. She just rubbed me the wrong way acting all weak and pathetic and then tormenting Tifa, who'd done nothing to deserve it. Maybe the translation was just bad, but Aerith doesn't come across as a nice person in it and I couldn't see why people said Cloud "loves" her. Pity, I got. Like, during the cosmo canyon bit, he feels sorry for her after hearing her history and because he's an awkward dork he tries to comfort her. But I really didn't care about shipping back then, so I wasn't looking at it as a pt scoring thing where his every word is microanalysed as proof he loves one girl more than the other. I just assumed when I saw the lifestream scene and HW that he's in love with Tifa. I still don't see why people argue and act like the choices they made to fuck with the narrative of real Cloud mean they were right. They weren't right. Because if they were the HW wouldn't exist at all. It'd be the high affection or no HW if player choice mattered. But all they did was make Tifa too reluctant to share her feelings. It didn't change Cloud's feelings because he's there either way.
I'm glad the devs showed from Cloud's pov just how bad this bit is. He can't leave because he needs directions home and Aerith isn't giving them over and Elmyra already decided they should wait for morning, even though she changes her mind later. The fact he asks for directions proves that's why he stuck around, along with him not wanting Aerith to spread gossip about him taking a date for his services. Reno already called him weird for it and if it got back to the people who mattered to him that he did this his reputation would be ruined. That's why he stays. And then after he gets directions there's no hesitation. He leaves. He agrees when Elmyra asks him not to see Aerith again. It's not like with Tifa when her father told him to stay away, because there's clear hints he still sees her. Why did she go to the water tower dressed like that if an almost stranger called her out? She says "what did you want to talk about?" in a way that suggests they talk often enough for her not to find it strange.
The only reason Cloud let Aerith go with him after she ambushes him at the exit is because she looked upset. She has tears in her eyes and he makes this yeesh face after he agrees. Because he's a good guy and, even after everything she put him through that day, is guessing she has issues, so humouring her can't hurt. Then she leads him through a dangerous route, despite knowing there's a safer, quicker one, and then she makes him feel bad for not high fiving her, and reminds him of Zack with things she says and then refuses to listen to him when he says no, he wants to leave. It's really only after she mentions a boyfriend that he eases up on his guard and switches posture, then when she says Zack's name he possibly got a trigger from real Cloud telling him to stop being such a dick to his best friend's girl. But then she's an afterthought the second he sees Tifa, which shows who he really cares about in a romantic sense.
It's not anti to call out a character's canon toxic behaviour when there's literally proof of it in game that we can screenshot.
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What's happening for me right now is that I'm both getting more into radical feminism and also getting out of feminism entirely.
The former is like "Why is the feminism I'm around so obsessed with microanalysing Star Wars instead of talking about porn, sex trafficking, paternity leave, pay, housework etc? Reading all these women writing about loving their bodies, not like an instagrammable performance of fat glamour, but going all the way back to 'why do I even need to think about what I look like' is fantastic and filling a deep hollow I didn't know the feminism around me had".
Simultaneously, I'm feeling a lot of "this stuff isn't sourced or evidence based and, in fact, it seems like there's a real resistance to seeking evidence & updating in response to new ideas. A lot of it seems incomplete or unfinished. And I don't think a theory of gender which focuses only on women is meaningful or correct.". I guess I'm trying to synthesise these two stances.
Like, moving away from "rape, porn and sex work is a universal crime against woman", but also moving away from "porn and sex work is fine so I'm not going to think about it again, and instead complain about problematic pop culture because that's easy". Trying to get back to centering those traditional, practical feminist concerns, but in a way that's evidence-based and focused on actually improving things. Some of the ideas I'm encountering in radical tumblr are like, oh my goodness why is this not the bedrock of all the feminism? At the same time, my feminism isn't "radical" in the sense of, I do not agree with the central conceit of misogyny being the ur-crime underpinning everything.
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