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eddiessluttywaist · 1 year

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angsty ending (as if)

AGELESS/BLANK/UNDER 18 BLOGS ARE NOT WELCOME TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT MY RULES AND BOUNDARIES

summary: sad ending to part three of as if 💔

pairing: bully!mean!perv!eddie munson x perv!fem reader

word count: 812 words

content/warnings: swearing, mentions of smutty content MDNI (y/n is 18), bully!eddie, mean!eddie, perv!eddie, bully kink (?), teasing, angst :(((, rejection, grudges. i think that’s all pls tell me if i miss anything!

a/n: eddie’s actually the worst i’m so sorry. it’s arguably a really basic ending tbh but to me it’s so heartbreaking idk about y’all.

part one - part two - start of part three - surprise part four based on this ending

Eddie never did work up the nerve to properly ask you what you meant by that blunt reply that one Autumn day. And he really should have rather than let it fester like some sort of black mold in every dark corner of his mind. It made him grow bitter again. He stayed as sweet as he could to keep you wrapped around his finger, but he was really starting to hate you for that day. He hated that you had made him so sweet—even for a moment. He hated that he couldn’t have just simply hated you and bully you only to make you miserable. He hated that deep down he was sure that you only grew to like the excitement of how wrong this all was. After all truly being with him…? As if, right?

You’d grow bored of him by your first semester of college, finding yourself all cozied up to some fucking tool in pre-med or some shit like that. He had to hurt you the way you had hurt him that day in ‘83. He had to hurt you the way he was so sure you’ll hurt him once you realize you want a normal, boring relationship. He thought about it every time you made him smile or his heart ache or his stomach clench—just so angry that he was inevitably temporary to you. A phase in your perfect little world filled with loving parents and white picket fences and your pick of colleges to choose from.

So he fucked everything up. He couldn’t help himself when you presented the opportunity so perfectly. You were half naked in your cutesy bed, all laid out after spending hours fucking off and on. It was a muggy, rainy day and those were the days you felt so domestic with him. Like you were having sex on a calm, Sunday morning in a home you shared while the rain pit-pattered against the windows. So maybe it got to your head, maybe you were actually sincere. Either way, you looked over at him as he smoked over by that window you never locked anymore. (He really wasn’t supposed to be smoking in your room, but at least you got him to stay by the window whenever he did).

“Eddie?” You ask in a soft voice. His head tilts and he looks at you expectantly with a lazy raise of his brows.

“I think I love you…”

Think. Why was that the part he was focusing on? He kept his face neutral and you could hear the crackling end of his cigarette burning as he breathed in. You toyed with your comforter with anxious hands.

“Do… do you love me…?”

It was something you had been thinking about for a while. Something you had wanted to admit for a while. All the time you two spent together was likely more about lust for him than anything else, but you had to tell him how you felt. You needed to see if there was more potential to this than sneaking around. You had been brooding over it for the past few weeks as you started to really consider telling him—actually having had a few failed attempts up your sleeve by now. You felt nauseous when you thought about him not feeling the same way. You tried to keep a rein on your expectations (especially considering this was Eddie you were admitting this to), but sometimes they got away from you. Sometimes you imagined a world where he had also been secretly holding onto a love of his own for you. He had certainly become gentler with you. Kinder, even, so who says he couldn’t love you back? You feared you had let yourself sink into the sunshine and rainbows side of what could be, rather than what was arguably the more realistic side. The one where he laughed off your feelings like it wouldn’t grip onto your lungs and form a heavy knot in the pit of your stomach. The one where you wind up all alone, wondering how you could have become so delusional along the way.

Eddie let out a partial snort despite that fiery grip on his heart, looking down at that small hole in the bottom of his boxers then looked over at you—taking you all in before your expression crumbled from four simple, cruel words. Before you try to laugh it off and say Eddie, I’m being serious (you had hoped his smirk at his own response was a sign of playfulness rather than smug maliciousness). Before he shrugs you off to flick his cigarette outside to fizzle out in the rain. Before leaving you all alone with a whiplash that you feared you gave yourself by driving too fast towards the sunshine and rainbows with someone who really never would’ve let you get too far.

“Love you? As if.”

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #bully!eddie munson #mean!eddie munson #perv!eddie munson #stranger things x reader #as if eddie munson #stranger things imagine #as if eddiessluttywaist #as if part 3 #as if part 3 eddiessluttywaist #as if angst

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lavendelhummel · 16 days

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✨💙 Spreading some love and joy in people's ask boxes 💙✨ If you get this, it means you're awesome and I hope you're having a great day! 💗 If you like, copy and paste this message to 3 other lovely blogs to keep it going, and answer my riddles three: What is your favorite breakfast food? Would you rather be a bird or a fish? If you could move anywhere in the world, money's not an issue, where would you live?

Ohhh Hi!

God, this is so sweet and honestly helped a lot to see on a day, when I needed something positive. Thank you, Lilo, you are awesome, too, and I am so glad to be your friend! This message really meant a lot!!!

So I took a few days to answer, as not to let this be overshadowed by the not fully-great, overworked day I was actually having, or rather week. Now I took a few moments over the weekend, only worked part of the day, and am doing late shifts for 'real work' this week, so I actually had breakfast and am in perfect mood to answer these questions!

🫖 So, yeah, usually I don't eat breakfast. I think it's about habitudes and I am always to lazy to get out of bed earlier than I absolutely must, I roll out, wash up, dress and am on my way. Also I am not hungry at 6-8am, I couldn't eat then (let's not talk about how not having time for lunch break then results in not eating until dinner more often than it should recently).

So when I do make myself breakfast, it's on weekends or occasions and then that is a nice and special thing in its own. It's about the process of making it for myself almost more than the actual eating (almost).

First of all, tea. Back tea, preferably darjeeling. Ok, who am I trying to fool, if it's not my special darjeeling blend I will crinkle my nose in distaste (but then proceed to drink and enjoy it nevertheless). But I am a slow drinker, it takes a long time to drink my tea, and also I like having it in a big mug, 0,5L mug (with flowers on it, but my fav broke during moving :( ).

I love pancake-sunday! It doesn't have to be on a Sunday, it can also be pancake-saturday ;). I will stand there in the kitchen, either in my pajamas or freshly showered in a pretty dress (we are assuming it's summer because this is an ideal scenario, right), flour in my hand, pouring it into a bowl - I never use recipes, too much of a hassle, and I do know how to cook/bake - add sugar, vanilla pudding powder, margarine and oat milk/water, mix it, heat it, flip it. I need to re-practice the flipping part! Since I didn't have a real kitchen for a few months I didn't make any for at least half a year (and let's be honest before the move I didn't exactly have the time to cook anything for quite a while) I am out of practice. The best is if I have people to share the pancakes with, or at least leave some for them. With raspberries on top, of course!

But most of the time, I am more of a savory type of person? Not sure, but after having had pancakes this Saturday (as I said, I tried to take a few moments this weekend), I had to have bread with aubergines and apple and cookies yesterday and today. A few years ago I also ate a lot of oatmeal with apples and raspberries but I am a phase-kind of person and it's passed.

🐦/🐟: Well, I don't think it's surprising when I tell you, that I once, when asked what animal I would be in an application process, I said fish. I said I like to immerse myself in things and give 100% - I was young and naïve, okay? Now, I say, I want the calm embrace of the ocean. Also orca are not fish but closer to fish than to birds and have you seen their hippocampi? Their brains look so funny because of it, almost like a cube, it's just a big chunk added to something that looks like ours in the place where the hippocampus lays. It's because of their incredible sense of group and empathy. I would like to experience living with others connected like that. And to the surprise of no one: I like to talk. I talk a lot. I like languages. And orcas have that, too, so that's cool (this is not at all inspired by having worn my new orca themed yesterday, why do you ask?).

But still, this answer is not completely one sided. Being a bird, sometimes, I long for that lightness, that gliding, that clichéd freedom we associate with flying - that's when I get my skates on (ok, I do/did that everyday, but honestly that gliding on wheels is very freeing too. I never dare dance and move my body around as much as I do on my skates. But I'll have to see with all the moving going on at the moment where and how often I find skating spaces. I miss my old route, I was long, and wide, and with lots of flowers blooming everywhere).

I remember that I already told you that application-fish story, and also the follow up, but it's funny enough to mention again: what part of a bike would you be? At the time I said the handle bar (as in for steering), and at the time I think that was fitting, but since then I have been pushed beyond limits again and again and new boundaries that got pushed past and now I would be content to be the carrier, I think. Everyone likes having one, but if you are broken, it doesn't matter, the thing rolls without just fine. Maybe one day I will be the light, the pedals or the brakes again. God, I went off topic again, didn't I? Ok, next!

🏡 Where would I like to live? I would love to move back to Brittany. I felt very alive and at home there, even when I struggled with friendships and myself, just being there soothed me a lot. I loved the city I lived in, but also all the other places, the ones I know from vacation and the ones I just visited for a day, but work wise, the one I lived in would be the only place I'd want to be in. But while I am there, yeah, the problem with moving there would not be money, it would be the work system. Transferring was possible at some point but for the next few years will be almost impossible (if I am not willing to jump through one very big hoop, which I am not), and also, I just will not. I am sorry, our system here is already broken and horrible, but the one there is even worse.

I am moving to the place, I said I wanted to move to quite some time, in a few months, so we will see about that. I am not so sure anymore if it's a good fit for me, might be too big. I like middle sized cites, but after small town life for a few years I was ready for change and made these plans. I actually really like the place I live in at the moment, just city-wise. But the thing is...

What I really want from a place, have always wanted and needed, but with all my recent moves (4 in the past 6-7 months, wait has I already been half a year??? what is time even??), is a home. I loved my room in my shared apartment in that small town because it was my safe harbor, it was my home.

So there is that, and mostly because of this nomad life recently: I want to be in a place, where I have a past, a life (so that's not gonna happen until I create one because I am not moving back anywhere for sure), where I have people, friends. Not just nice acquaintances, who could become friends, if we invest time, that we all don't have, before moving on. People, I know, People, who know me. That I can easily spent time with. I long for the ease to just go over to my friends, or that other friend's place, without that damn distance that is always there, I just want to be there for the birthdays and the breakups, the new pets, glasses and dinners, and whatever happens. Zoom is great. It is, but it's not the same thing, and even finding time for phone calls is hard with most of my friends, everyone living their lives, going on and before you know it, months have past and you haven't talked but you still miss each other, but you just don't have the energy, the time, the money to go over there, and why did they have to move away in the first place? Why did you have to move away? And you know why, you are happy not be there anymore, you are happy for them to not be there anymore because it's better for them, and that is how life goes, but you miss the ease and the picnics and talks without 'lifeupdates' and ... - That I want that from wherever I move. Sorry for getting off topic again. As always.

Thank you so much again for the uplifting message and the positive questions, and letting me talk without . & , (not that I gave anyone a choice here, I mean you could stop reading, so anyone who reads this thanks for reading my blabbering!). Thank you and have a great day, too!

#This got so long I changed locations in between. greetings from the library for before my shift starts but now I wrote this so there is not #much time left I better get offline #and online to pubmed #ask meme #I also want to send this to people #I will have to later after work! something to look forward to!

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liaromancewriter · 2 years

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All My Todays

Premise: On the day of the next phase of her life, Sienna reflects on her life and love.

Book: Open Heart (post series) Pairing: Sienna Trinh x Max Valentine (M!OC) Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff. Words: 1,570

A/N: I received this beautiful poem prompt from @bex-la-get and another visual prompt from @jerzwriter. Both inspired this cute, fluffy fic for Maxenna.

I’m also participating in @choices-september-challenge-blog Day 10 prompt "What are you smiling about?"

She was being chased in her dreams by the most unlikely of things. Medical terms dressed up in teddy bear suits — pyrexia, enuresis, inguinal hernia. The more she ran, the faster they chased her until she felt trapped.

Then she felt a calm spread as something soft brushed her forehead, gentle fingers combed through her hair. She tried to catch the whispered words breaking through the haze of her dreams, but she couldn’t make them out. And then she was alone. No freaky bears quoting Latin. Just peace.

Sienna Trinh slowly drifted awake, her eyes foggy and still disoriented as the ghostly images faded with the morning light. She blinked a couple of times to clear the cobwebs from her mind, absently running her hand over the cool sheets.

She glanced at the bedside clock, and her eyes fell on a piece of paper propped up on Max’s pillow. Recognizing his handwriting, she grabbed the note and sat up in bed to read it.

The shrill beeping of the wake-up alarm cut through the silence, making her jump.

Right on schedule, she smiled, thinking how thoughtful he was. She was usually a light sleeper, but today she had not only slept through him leaving for work but also the alarm on her phone.

She folded Max’s note and slipped it inside her bedside drawer. She climbed out of bed and padded into the ensuite to get ready for her big day. Fiddling with the switches, she waited until the water was warm before stepping into the shower.

She was taking the Pediatrics Board certification exam today and couldn’t afford to be late. Unlike last year when she’d taken the internal medicine exam, she hadn’t felt as panicked or scattered about this evaluation.

Although, maybe those dream teddy bears could have been her subconscious telling her otherwise. She lathered up body wash, pausing as vague images from her dream intruded before slipping away like water down the drain.

Half an hour later, Sienna was dressed in comfortable jeans, a loose white shirt and a brown leather jacket. She entered the kitchen and grabbed a spoon along with the yogurt and granola Max had left her, absently taking a bite as she parked herself on the living room couch.

She wanted to scan the study materials again, feeling her bravado from a few weeks ago disappear now that the exam was only a couple of hours away. Maybe she shouldn’t have spent so much time planning Max and Cassie’s birthday party last week.

Or said yes when Max had asked if she wanted to see the Northern Lights in Iceland, one last trip before real life and work intruded. They’d only been gone a couple of days, but she should have hunkered down and studied instead.

Feeling her thoughts spiral, Sienna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this, she thought, mentally giving herself a pep talk. She loved pediatrics and was good at it. Latin-touting teddy bears notwithstanding.

Not wanting to leave it to the last minute, she opened her bag to check that she had her ID and confirmation letter to show at the exam center. Tucked inside the letter was another sheet of thick paper that she didn’t recognize. She pulled it out and turned it over. Her heart melted as soon as she saw the title and words of love written in familiar handwriting.

By the time she finished reading his message, Sienna’s cheeks were damp from the tears she hadn’t been able to control. She was deep in her feels and wished Max was here. She almost picked up her phone to call him but decided it could wait until tonight. He would want her focused.

She remembered how he’d sent her a text the morning of her IM boards, giving her last-minute words of encouragement. Cassie had Ethan and Aurora, her aunt. Elijah had received a message of support from Baz, while Jackie hadn’t needed anyone. But Sienna had felt adrift, heading into one of the most significant moments of her medical career. And then her phone pinged, and she knew she wasn’t alone.

Feeling more confident than she had earlier, Sienna quickly finished her breakfast and gathered her things to head out. She didn’t need to go over the materials; she knew this topic inside and out.

It was almost seven in the evening when Sienna heard the front door of the apartment open. She was curled up on the couch, her feet tucked under her, a bottle of wine on the coffee table. She poured herself a second glass of white wine, her ears tracking the sounds of Max’s daily after-work routine.

A light thunk as metal met ceramic when he threw his car keys in the bowl on the console. Then the soft swoosh as the door to his home office slid open. Next, he’d take the laptop out of his computer bag and set it down on the desk, maybe plug it in if he hadn’t had a chance to charge it at work.

Any minute now, he’d walk down the hallway and into the living room, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the collar of his shirt as he called out her name. She chuckled and smiled into her glass when he did precisely that, not two minutes later.

“Hey,” Max said, bemused. “What are you smiling about?”

When she shook her head, he let it go, and sat down beside her. He toed off his shoes, put his socked feet on the coffee table, and then draped his arm over her shoulders.

Sienna nestled into his side, feeling the weariness in his body as he sank into the cushions with a loud exhale. She gazed at him, remembering how she’d spent the last hour thinking about their relationship.

Every moment was ingrained in her mind; when they’d become friends, the first time she’d felt butterflies at the thought of him, the anticipation before their first kiss.

Except for those months when she’d pushed him away, she couldn’t recall a time he hadn’t been there for her, even from a distance. He was her biggest supporter. He believed in her even when she didn’t believe in herself.

Now she was here with him, and he was looking down at her, a quizzical look in his green eyes as she continued to sip her wine.

“Well?” He insisted when she remained silent. “Was it that bad?” His tone turned somber, and he tightened his arm around her.

She reached out to set the empty glass down on the end table, giggling, and his exasperation rang clear. “Sienna, I’m dying here! How was the exam? Are we celebrating or commiserating?”

Tilting her head up, she kissed his jaw, then his lips. When he deepened the kiss, one hand grasping her chin, she fell into the moment. She straddled his thighs and placed her hands on either side of his neck. She poured all the love she had for him into the kiss.

When they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his and gazed softly into his eyes. “You’re a good man, Max Valentine.”

He raised one eyebrow. “What brought this on?” But she only shrugged.

“I’m not perfect, Si,” he said gently, framing her face between his palms. “Far from it.”

“I know you’re not perfect. You work too much. You’re kind of obsessive about having everything orderly and tucked in its place, even though our place is never messy. And you can be snobbish about a person’s choice of alcoholic beverage,” she said, using her fingers to list his faults.

He laughed out loud, a deep belly laugh that had Sienna jostling on his lap. Her hands clutched his shoulders, holding on tight.

“You’ve clearly given this a lot of thought,” he said, wiping tears from his eyes. “Anything else you want to get off your chest?”

“Only that I love you,” she said, brushing her lips across his. “I want to spend all my todays with you and do it all again tomorrow.”

“You got my note?” His lips quirked in that way she found endearing.

She nodded and nuzzled her cheek against his palm. “It was perfect. I read it and felt I could do anything all day long.”

“Good,” he said, satisfied. “Mission accomplished. Now that I know you’re not drowning your miseries in wine, I have a proposition for you. Not like that!” He chuckled when she leered at him. “Remember how we danced at Donahue’s after your last boards, Cute Girl?”

“I do,” she giggled, recalling the origin of the nickname. She’d been half drunk and had admitted to finding him gorgeous. He’d taken her hand and led her onto the tiny dance floor at the back of the bar. “Although I can’t believe you’re saying no to sex.”

“I’m not saying no,” he scoffed, offended. “I’m saying, not yet. First, we go out on the town and celebrate you becoming a double board-certified and amazing doctor. And then we’ll come back here, and I’ll show you just how awesome I think you are.”

He grinned, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and making her laugh. She climbed off his lap and held out her hand.

“Come on, Gorgeous Guy,” she pulled him off the couch. “Let’s go dancing and then I’ll bring you back here and show you how awesome I think you are.”

“Deal!”

All Fics & Edits: @potionsprefect @trappedinfanfiction @mysticalgalaxysstuff @genevievemd @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @vi-writes-stuff @coffeeheartaddict2 @quixoticdreamer16 @dorisz @zahrachoices @lucy-268 @a-crepusculo @jamespotterthefirst @headoverheelsforramsey @takemyopenheart @gryffindordaughterofathena @queencarb @crazy-loca-blog @natureblooms24 @peonierose @cariantha @annfg8 @openheartforeverinmyheart @bluebelle08

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

#sienna trinh #open heart #open heart choices #open heart fanfics #sienna trinh x oc #open heart fanfiction #playchoices fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week #sienna trinh x max valentine #playchoices #romantic fiction #romance

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is-the-snake-video-cute · 2 years

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Heyo! I love your blog! I've got a question. My little corn snake, who's maybe only...5 months old (probably less tbh) has been trying to shed for about a week and a half, maybe two weeks now. I'm pretty worried about him...I try to keep his humidity around 50-60 (I'm upping it tonight to be more like 70 to 80). Should I be doing anything else to help my little buddy? Preferably something really low budget, but I can definitely afford to buy him something fancy if need be.

What do you mean by trying to shed? Do you mean he's been actively in the process of shedding (like, clouded-over eyes, the works) for that long but no skin has actually come off, or do you mean that he still has some shed stuck on his body?

If the process as a whole is taking a while:

At his age, a week and a half is definitely longer than I'd expect a shed to take. The shedding process involves going blue (that's the phase when their eyes are cloudy) and then clearing up, and the clear phase usually lasts a few days. If he's still in blue, he just needs more time, but if he's cleared up and it's been longer than about five days or so, he may be having trouble. I'd recommend giving him a soak in lukewarm water - this post has details on how to do that.

I'd provide a humid hide if you don't have one already! They're easy to make - take a food storage container big enough for him to curl up in, cut a hole in the lid, and fill it with damp sphagnum moss.

If he's in shed for longer than three weeks and no shed is coming off, that's the point when I recommend a vet visit.

If there is shed stuck to him:

If he's been able to shed some of his skin but there's still some stuck to him, then that's a pretty easy fix. I recommend giving him a nice soak in lukewarm water - check out this post for how I do it.

Once he's soaked, you can use a washcloth to gently remove the pieces of stuck shed and help him be more comfortable!

It's important to take a look at your husbandry if your snake's shed gets stuck. It sounds like your humidity is looking pretty great - how do you measure it? Probe hygrometers are the most accurate, and stick-on dials can be very off with their measurements. If your humidity is good and he's still having stuck shed, then providing a humidity hide at all times is a great way to help him shed in the future. Another potential cause is feeding right before a shed - eating uses moisture, so he might just be a snake that can't multi-task and shouldn't eat while he's in shed.

#not a rating #shedding #cornsnakes #snake health

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basedkikuenjoyer · 2 years

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A Tale of Two Hannya

This is both the capstone to this whole “Case” series and the one I’m least thrilled to write. There’s a big ol flashy Makami in the room for all this recruit talk. Simply put, do you think I’d take the time to lay out an entire case for someone else if I didn’t have an answer for ol’ Yamsey?

Yeah. I do. One of the main reasons I feel like I have something here is that unlike other alternatives, this one can run right through Yamato’s role in the arc. I’m going to keep a lot of it to myself for now. Because there’s little point in pointing out every instance of the same concept. This is a dynamic that could pan out in a lot of shades too. Also, as little as two weeks could prove I’m way off base. It’s not like I have a problem with Pirate Inuyasha being the final recruit, but well...don’t make the mistake of thinking the notion Kiku may end up pulling a surprise is born out of really, really, really liking her and just wanting to make it work. I’ve said before my guess for most of Wano was Speed’s ending with Tama. It’s born out of three observations:

While I can certainly see the hype, I also can’t ignore that many of the big scenes for Yamato do have some hook in there that undercuts a new recruit narrative. Plenty of people have pointed these out independently over the past two years.

The more I started to understand this element, the more I caught myself using Okiku’s role as a counterpoint. As the arc rolled on, it became harder to ignore how much the two are polar opposites and how frequently they end up having similar scenes perfect for contrast.

From there, a lingering concept I can’t shake. I can see why an author would make the decision to mask his weapons-grade unassuming, tactful, tenth with a flashy but flawed foil. I could hypothetically see letting a side character with similar themes carry some early weight before introducing the newbie. I can’t see why you’d do that and then have her still be the one more involved with the crew in the back half. Kiku...hasn’t stepped back to nearly the same degree as say, Paulie. Her story is still growing too.

It feels like the misdirection boils down to presenting someone who looks borderline inevitable only as long as you’re looking at him in a vacuum, overlooking major thematic elements like disorder on the Rocks Crew from too many big heads. All the current tension in alliances. Whitebeard’s words on “the type to follow others.” Yamato’s own bumbles and inconsistencies. It’s how he fits into the big picture and where we’re at in the overall story that make me feel right to maintain that skepticism. Even moreso when you have that sweet, refined opposite perfectly set up to run away with the final phase as much as she did the first phase of Wano. Was that sparkler a fuse? Definitely still see the possibility even with recent chapters. I already said I felt vindicated by 1042. 1051?

I mean, the following scene with Jinbei dousing the hype is too easy. Before that though, recall when this blog was starting off in Act 1, long before we ever saw this chapter. I made a few observations pointing out that Kiku had a fun trend of not reacting to the usual Straw Hat weirdness despite ample opportunity and being in the right position to be that girl for those regular arc gags. These contrasts are all over, many in the same chapter.

Then on top of that we have Aramaki’s arrival. Already running long so I won’t dwell. Just...he’s the perfect beat to take all that work Yamato’s done building a bond with Momo, all that deep love for Wano and desire to be loved in return, and have him surpass Oden. Realize the magnitude of this still present threat and that Wano needs a powerful “Guardian” backing Momo. You can still fulfill your dream of going out to sea, but right here right now isn’t the best timing. That’s if we’re playing nice. And I see no reason things would need to go harsh if my hunch here is right...

...But I find myself frequently being reminded of something when I get into this territory. A pretty famous pair in anime history. Not saying it’s a direct allusion, the dynamic isn’t unique to them, but it’s one some of y’all might recognize that should shed a bit of light on the possibility I see.

Pinkie is the titular character from Revolutionary Girl Utena and red dress is Anthy, the “Rose Bride” and perennial damsel in distress. How many of y’all are familiar with this shoujo classic contemporary with One Piece’s debut? Spoilers ahead I quess. Many have compared Yamato to Utena having this drive to live as a dashing, noble “Prince.” That’s the big hook, it’s what motivates everything. Utena is so cool and hype and this awesome main character! And Anthy? She’s kinda flat. Alright I guess.

Well...until the end. That perception shattered in an instant because you the viewer were being led by the nose the whole time. (Pitting viewer vs. character perceptions...where have I heard that?) With that swift, decisive climax Utena is deconstructed and left as this lesson on the folly, the outright childishness of leaning so hard on chasing an ideal that was ultimately an unhealthy coping mechanism. And Anthy? Mastermind who was just playing the unassuming, ditzy doormat before girlbossing off on her own adventure at the end. You can’t rewatch Utena after finishing it without seeing how sly Anthy is at pushing things her way the entire, fucking, series. Right under your nose, hidden in plain sight the whole time. But it doesn’t make sense until it’s spelled out at the end.

I do at least see the potential of spinning Kiku/Yamato into a similar, if way less melodramatic, conclusion. A lot of our journey through Kiku’s arc has been simply pointing out scenes with potential. That fundamental idea that she was introduced showcasing acting ability and is a proper young lady who knows to mind her tongue. Meaning she could always theoretically be doing that in any scene.

#one piece #okiku #yamato #The Case for a Quartermaster #the prosecution rests #or am i the defense?

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bookofxandria · 1 year

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My Half Ass Moon Report

December/15/ 2022 🌟🌹🌜🌠

This MOON REPORT is accurate from where I see the moon and experience the lunar activityfrom the Northern hemisphere on planet Earth lol how do yall like them cheese burgers 🍔 I'm kidding ?

So here we go Supreme distractions are a head !! Yes I've got legit ADHDabcdocacdc LOLOL

🌜As you can see from this (below) photo is a screen shot of the lunar cycle: today the moon is in the Last Quarter phase and in the zodiac sign of Virgo. 👇🌜💀And todays guidance is coming up shortly ill elaborate on how exactly the cosmos will be most likely effecting you and point out some key points to keep in mind too this is just my first moon report in a really ling time and im new to ✌tumblr again just settling in and have a lot to do wow there are reslly damn some great blogs on hete man o man ive got compétition like wild fire voy voy .. ..

This MOON is a good time to do some shadow work if you can concentrate because things will be boiling and bubbling to the surface and you may lose all control of your emotions if you do not get a firm grip on reality and keep yourself grounded for sure .

🌋🌜🌹🌜💥👉FOLLOW ME 👇👇

👉👉👉🌹@bookofxandria 🌹✌

The Moon these days will mirror our inner child who wants to be in the spotlight. The lunar phase sort of radiates an entertaining aura that aims at getting things right. It owns a creative spirit fueled by warmth, generosity, truthfulness and honesty. Sometimes, it makes us a little dramatic in our emotional displays, and we want to control others as per our wishes.

Watch out for your inner monster may come out of the closet and hunt lol jyst tame the beast wjthin and like chill out your inner narcisistic tendsncies and dance ... But it seems....

You want dominance, and it also stops you from showing others what is going on in your heart. The next few days the Moon motivates you to maintain your public image to gain attention and applause from every side. It is the period of enjoying romance and creative activities to undertake new risks and enhance personal recognition.

It is the time to share your gifts of fame with others. There is no space for those in your life who ignore you. The only thing you want is to be famous and stand out for your skills and talents. This is your time to capture the stage and charm others with your performance.

New SuperMoon will be coming into bloom right x actly for xmss days yes so besutiful and no more blues your depression seems to be going but nkt fading just there enough to keep you from burstibg with joy overjoyed sbd so so happy you could die

Right now and this week You value integrity and justice over everything. Your well-honed sense of fairness works well under all the moon phases we will be experiencing from today DEC/15/22 until XMAS on DEC/24 AND 25. 💩🌜🎅🎄 & merry ho ho to yall out there celebrating the holidays !

Much Love from XANDRIA XTC BABY

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gettothestabbing · 2 years

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Back from the real world!

And I got some venting to do!

SO. I didn’t have Internet except at work (where I’m not supposed to be on it when not on break, a rule I broke a lot and feel only slightly bad about) for about 3 weeks. And this happened about the same time as the death of Kazuki Takahashi. Who created my favorite manga, and the first anime/show I loved as a child that wasn’t something my parents picked out for me.

I know my blog is a heady mix of politics and fanart and real art and a bunch of things now. But when I started out, and I was afraid to post anything political, I was following mostly Yu-Gi-Oh! fanblogs. (And Communismkills. Love her.) I’ve posted a lot less about YGO over time. This is partly because of the Obsession Cycle (see below) and partly because I am influenced by the content that people I like post. Hence why I got more political from following CK, more artistic from following art blogs, etc.

The Obsession Cycle is a cycle of hyperfixations on certain stories that I love more than any others. Although new stories are often added to the cycle, making it longer or shorter, it always includes Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters, Gravity Falls, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hey Arnold!, Disney in some form, and Ghibli in some form. The cycle is complete either when I drop all hyperfixations for a period of time, or when I return to the fixation I started with in the most recent iteration. My sister, explaining this concept to her husband, pointed out that I used to cycle through this entirely within 8 months. Then, adding new media in and having more to do in college and law school, the cycle widened dramatically to 3 years. Right now, she estimates that my cycle is about 2 years long. The implication of course is that there has been a regression.

I would agree with that. To be completely honest, I was about to reread the manga when I heard Takahashi had died, and that news hit me very hard. While I am not interested in large swathes of the franchise that Yu-Gi-Oh! spawned, and therefore do not see Takahashi as an ideal, I have always respected and admired his work. It is also easy to sympathize with him losing some creative control over time due to the insane popularity of Duel Monsters, but he found a way to end his story satisfactorily (twice, if we include the Dark Side of Dimensions movie) despite one game taking massive precedence.

So without Internet, having just moved into a new apartment, with a lot of frustration at work, and feeling very isolated and upset, I restarted my cycle and started shoving Yu-Gi-Oh! into my brain as fast and as hard as possible. I have been very very annoying to talk to lately, even to myself. My sister has been delicately asking me “when I’m going to be done” with this phase for at least a week. I don’t really see an end in sight, and I can never predict when the feverish fascination will fade.

Honestly, this is a period of mourning. Even though the story concluded long ago, Yu-Gi-Oh! has always had a special place in my heart. It helped me make friends (through playing the card game w/boys at school) and learn new ways to express myself artistically. (Yes, I wrote fic, no, you can’t read it.) It was something I enjoyed that no one else in my family liked.

It was also my safe place. I was nine when I got into the show. You know what else happened when I was nine? I started puberty ahead of everyone else in my class and I was subsequently molested. I took real comfort and strength from how characters stood up for themselves and made themselves comfortable in their own bodies (or others’ bodies, as the case may be). I liked that they could make stupid mistakes but still have their friends’ support.

I only ever got to see the first two seasons because for some reason the TV station would never air anything past the first half of the Battle City finals. I also owned the first volume of the manga, which is extremely different from the dub I knew and hinted at a wealth of interpretation and content that was beyond my reach. Then my card-playing friend moved away and my mom died. Real life stuff like that got in the way of my exploring the story further until I was in high school and found the abridged series.

I never let myself finish the manga before, because I didn’t have all the volumes. Now I’m waiting on the last one to come in the mail. Because I always expect the cycle to come back again, I try never to fully exhaust any of these media properties. If it appears I will run out of the finite content for any of them, I try to start distracting myself with lesser media, chores, anything else to draw it out. I have to assume other people do this but I’ve never met anyone IRL who does (that would admit it anyway).

Despite all of this, I’m still an adult with a job. I’m trying to manage and balance my hyperfixation with all the other things I need to do. Like if I can’t have any free time, I’ll play instrumental music from the show as I work. I guess I expected to outgrow the Obsession Cycle without having to expend noticeable effort in doing so. Like my dad has told me many times, “it’s a phase.” Sometimes you don’t return to things you used to like, sure. But I resent them applying that label to Yu-Gi-Oh!. It’s really not a phase. It was a part of my childhood (then rapidly vanishing) that helped me learn the person I wanted to be as an adult. It still inspires me so much.

And aside from all that, I think having that break from regular Internet time helped me refine what I want out of that time now that I have it back. I enjoyed how much reading and organizing I was able to get done. I felt less distracted, even as I chafed at my difficulties in listening to music or communicating with friends. I may post less for awhile, maybe permanently. I don’t think I’ll ever really leave Tumblr or the Internet. And I didn’t enjoy being forcibly without it. But I feel like my relationship with the Internet will be healthier going forward.

#personal #pers com #wherein Abby yells about yugioh not being a Phase #Mai Valentine was totally an inspiration for me because other cartoons didn't have women with chests like that #really helpful for when you're the only girl in your grade who has to wear an adult bra #hyperfixations #yugioh #yugioh DM

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single-malt-scotch · 1 year

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w the last of the episodes for the crossover rolling in i just wanted to write a mega long blog about my thoughts from the past two months of it!

well the last two months has certainly been a Lot more than i expected, after thinking i wasnt going to follow the crossover too hard. but i guess it was hard to avoid if i wanted to watch any new content from the people i typically watch so.... yeah, i mean i dont regret that nor did i dislike doing that-- the Empires server was certainly not my type of thing but i managed to find people i enjoyed watching, and has people got more comfortable i was more eager to see them play together anyways.

it seemed like the last two months were a bit chaotic in many ways though- its a shame some folk didnt get videos out due to being sick, but there was so much happening anyways i think i would have felt even more overwhelmed if there was much more happening already.

but anyways... on the specific sides of the crossover and what my take away has been...

I have come away from Empires with a few new subscriptions- primarily i expect to check in w people like fwhip and pixlriffs, i enjoyed their styles and the way they leaned a little less on in character banter and their live streams were things i popped into during all this. there are people i dont think ill watch consistently but i enjoyed their personalities a lot- mythicalsausage being one for sure, and there were definitely others i found very funny alongside other players too. overall it was great exposure, even if i dont expect myself to watch loads of new people now, i do look forward to potential collaborations.

For the first half of the crossover i really loved the concept of the hermit tower, and a giant collab between everyone was really great to see- my only gripe is that i wish we actually got to see some of the planning and discussion around the conclusion they came out. i think early on i mentioned collabs, and how in old smp i loved the live building/planning together. while i get a lot of that is cut for videos, i think wished we'd seen a bit of it in streams or something- most streams i watched (and i did catch a lot) had people on their lonesome when adding to the tower. despite that- its not to say it was a bad idea, it was fun see everyone make that monstrosity. Everyone meshed pretty well with the RPing side of the empires in a way that wasnt unnatural, and i liked seeing some folk get more into it as well. i know i tend to say i dont like "RP" in mcyt, but it just has to do w the audience intended, or their style. Empires has a variety of tone.... some ppl are very aimed at children, some not as much. so it just depends on who I want to deal with lol.

the timing of going back to HC was well timed because i was definitely at the point of wanting to see normal HC again. and while it felt shorter (even though it wasnt, exactly- maybe by a week) i have probably enjoyed it far more just because its the casual meta kind of smp i am used to. i liked that pretty much every empires person was able to drop the hard RP stuff during this period too- mostly lol. i mean in the sense that, even those who did were still very casual overall.

i think the second phase still suffered a bit from... lack of actual content regarding the village being built (which yes again, i know of the stuff that was on stream. but that still wasnt all of it), but coming to to xmas i can see many ppl are not able to squeeze in videos right now either. i feel the timing was good and bad-- fun holiday stuff to do in game, but also lots of IRL stuff, and also sick season...

regardless its been a wild two months to follow- it was exciting getting exposed to so much stuff i wouldnt normally look into. and i could just tell how much fun everyone was having, which made it all the more enjoyable.

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sofs-studio · 8 months

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DES301 - Week 10 Capstone

And just like that we have resumed the semester! It's crazy to think in under two months we will be kickstarting the summer holidays!

I would like to follow on and continue the rest of my blogposts with my favourite reflection toolkit by Driscoll (1994); What? So What? and, Now What?...

What? This week I commenced the prototyping phase as promised in last weeks blog post. However, I also closely linked back to the ideate phase. I also finally gained feedback from a fresh face (Roma from DES301), and she gave me some really insightful perspective as a fine arts masters student. I also gathered feedback from my stream peers, in a really light hearted korero. What I understood from these discussions is that I am heading on the right track (phew). This gave me a sense of relief and I felt honoured that I have tracked through the brain fog I have felt throughout the first half of the semester.

So what? From a feedback session with Roma, I gained a valuable tool that I would like to use for my project. It is called EyeJack - its an interactive AR software, where you scan a personalised QR code and it will animate/gamify/augment the still image that the camera is looking at. Something I must action now is how can I me sure the still image of the campaign is just as powerful as implementing the interactive space of it. This app is not accessible to all, but I still believe in its power to showcase and exhibit my work. In the real world, I would love for my campaign to actually be displayed in Eg. a bus stop. However, realistically, with the scope of my project I cannot legitimately ask to advertise my work at a bus stop as I do not have the funds, ethics, rights etc... This app is purely going to be used to access a prototype in real life of how my campaign would be presented.

Now What? Now I hope to gain advice from Mairi, who is an AR expert. I would also like to talk to Roy, who has the knowledge and perspective on how to make technology more accessible. I really value both of these views and hope they can help lead the path to my projects succession. Another note, is that I am thinking instead of displaying objects in my campaign that push a women down. Could I instead implement quotes? My stream peers think this is a good idea, and that maybe I can do this with quotes leaders such as Jacinda Ardern have recieved.

Overall, I think this week had a smooth start on the prototyping phase and I hope that stays true to the upcoming weeks!

//Reference//

Driscoll (1994). What? So what? Now what?

#capstone #302week10 #302week9reflection

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tactileprogress · 2 years

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Inspirations

>Being able to scroll through sensors has been great for me- I’d love to combine temperature sensors and photoreceptors, since what’s invisible to one is often very visible to the other, but I’m also interested in the touch sensors (maybe in combination with sound? Forcing two senses to work together in unconventional ways seems interesting.)

> This takes another step from where I’ve been thinking (physical space into data) and translates it back into the physical so that you can feel the data it’s being fed in a 3D space. I’d love to play around with something similar, where sound gets translated into light, or heat into depth, contextualizing the data received in an entirely new way, making intangible things tangible and visible things invisible.

> This inspiration is a little to the left, but it is a data point used in a fascinating way. The game registers every time you blink, and progresses the story by a scene every time you do. In order to see as much of a scene as possible, you have to keep your eyes open for longer. While I’m less interested in designing games right now, it is an inspiration in the way it selects one unusual data point to focus on, and brings a physicality/level of immersion into the player interacting with the game.

Progress

Reflection

I’m really thrilled to take that first step into interacting with processing/p5 using tangible controllers to change bits of the code- it seems like a good step in the direction I’ve become really i interested in. This week (barring technical difficulties) came together really well for me. I’m starting to recognize the way I’ll need to approach problem solving going forwards in this class.

On the tech side, I’m still feeling confident with the wiring side of things, and have made much better progress with regards to the articulation/making sense of things issue I was running into last week. The coding has been coming pretty easy as well, with the one roadblock being that I have a hard time thinking of what I’m making as one continuous whole. I can figure out the wiring and what circuit I need, and I can figure out what code needs to run to reach the goal I need, but they’re very distinct in my head, and I’d prefer if I could get to a point where I could go back and forth between the two during the work phase, rather than having to get one half of the project done before completing the other. That works right now, but as the projects get more complex, I’m going to be in a situation where working on both parts simultaneously will save me a lot of time and troubleshooting.

I’ll admit that I’m kinda stuck for where to look for inspirations. It’s the part of the blog post that took the longest this time, because although I know what interests me, I don’t know how to find other artists who are exploring those concepts. Advice on this would be appreciated- I’m a little bit lost at sea in regards to where digital artists showcase their work.

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kneehab · 2 years

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two months

Technically I’m almost 9 weeks post-op now — I’m a little late on this post! But that’s for good reasons. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve really just been out there living my life and not thinking about blogging, or really thinking about my knee, much at all.

I guess a lot has happened since my 5 week post. At 6 weeks post op I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon. It was totally uneventful — he said everything is looking perfect, and he was impressed with my range of motion! He also said he couldn’t decide whether to note my quad atrophy as “minimal” or “moderate”. He decided on moderate, but the fact that it didn’t look too bad to him felt like a win! The atrophy still looks pretty extreme to me.

We moved about 1,000 miles away to the pacific northwest and so have spent the last few weeks exploring a new city. To my surprise I have been able to walk distances I couldn’t have anticipated I’d be able to do so soon. I’ve been walking upwards of 10,000 steps a day, about every other day, for the last week and a half! With no knee pain!

Another win has been a change of phase in my recovery. Instead of having a list of exercises I need to do three times a day, every day, I now spend about an hour in the gym every other day. I do things like knee extensions with weight, hamstring curls, and leg presses. I prefer this, because it doesn’t intrude on my daily routine — I’d be going to the gym anyway. So I go and do my leg exercises as well as some upper body training — bench press, lots of bicep/tricep/lat stuff. Best of all I can walk to the gym.

Physical therapy is going great too. My PT Nika is just awesome, she is realistic about expectations, pushes me just enough, and knows what it’s like to be dying to get back to the stuff you love to do.

Overall my leg is just feeling really capable. I trust it, and it doesn’t hurt at all anymore at all.

The only thing that feels less than ideal is the pain I get behind knee at full extension, that I feel when flexing or walking. Nika thinks it’s just that strained calf muscle issue, but it’s frustrating how long it’s taking to really recover, and it is interfering with my ability to push my flexion. I really want to sit on my heels again, and I’m so close. But my understanding is that flexion is easier to get than extension, so hopefully I’ll get there eventually.

Swelling is almost gone at this point, but there’s still a little.

I’m also trying to still be pretty careful at this phase, just because I know that the graft gets weaker from about 6-12 weeks or so and then gradually gets stronger again. Obviously, I feel committed to avoiding a re-tear if at all possible, so listening to and trusting that my PT will make the right decisions about how hard I should be pushing it.

It’s July now, and I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to do some real hiking with some elevation by the end of the month. The weather has been so beautiful and I want to get outside and moving again in the mountains. Month two was pretty great, so excited to see what month three has in store.

#acl #acl reconstruction #acl recovery #knee surgery #sports injury

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liquideel5 · 2 years

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MARTIN SAMUEL: Test Shambles Is The ECB's Greed Coming Home To Roost

The Chelsea vs Manchester United Premier League match will start at 10:00 PM IST.Which TV networks will broadcast the Chelsea vs Manchester United Premier League match? It brutally demonstrated so just how far brief Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's team are of actually challenging when it comes to Premier League subject - despite some unwarrranted optimism in the summer. The complacency regarding the ECB come july 1st happens to be staggering and, like plenty bad businesses, they make Covid the excuse. I love the thought of Amazon having a listing of films leaving next 1 month on their site, but like you stated, it generally does not really help much if you do not understand the day whenever movies actually leaves Prime. Hi Shana. Many thanks a great deal for doing this, it's very helpful! Thanks for doing this on a monthly basis! Final month the Duke informed Ms Winfrey the couple 'did not need an agenda' once they made the decision to go towards the US. Many of them being right here since i have been here or shortly after i obtained right here. The system I got from Plasma Glow had been the right solution and it also lights within the whole bed with LED ultra-bright technology. Japan can also be experiencing a shortage of competent employees and has exposed home to welcome international abilities in specific and technical tasks, such as information technology workers, academics, and medical experts. Thus, that will help you with this specific circumstance, i have forwarded your request to our technical team who'll make contact with the particular designers and see that this program is made readily available as soon as possible. This method to see just what is leaving Prime in under 1 month is also available in Germany. But since this alternative was always there since I'm a Prime user and never obtainable in the usa, I question that they can add it for all of us customers now. And it's really actually a shame they don't also provide this choice in america. Even it is absolve to make use of, there was ads offered in the bottom of the app. As soon as you're in here it appears as a group in the left-hand 'refine by' bar. Amazon's Smart Thermostat sets an innovative new standard when it comes to group. Hi, i am not used to the blog and simply wished to know if in addition includes show. Because clearly they do not wish us to learn about exactly what's expiring. Wow! This is certainly awesome that the rep revealed you a link for their a number of expiring games. What exactly is the concept of shade rules you use for expiring titles links (orange vs black and strong vs regular)? Two more titles that apparently kept Amazon Prime movie to date i really believe: Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda and Earth: last Conflict. 스포츠중계 of reaching the final phases as well as perhaps also raising the trophy. The Chelsea midfielder, who may have started the club's last 10 games, captained the medial side in Frank Lampard's last online game in control - the 3-1 victory against Luton on Sunday within the FA Cup fourth round. They currently occupy 4th destination, just five things from the the surface of the dining table. One positive for Houston the very last couple weeks happens to be the return of Tramon Mark; he missed the very first three games of the season, it is working himself back in the combine and had 22 things against Bryant on Friday. 40% for the power forwards’ FG attempts are 3-pointers (first-time in NBA history). I had simply viewed some attacks of Andromeda on Sunday, the good news is neither Andromeda or E:FC is available ("our agreements with our content provider do not allow expenditures of this subject today"). I just watched 1 / 2 of Devour! Another three-minute rise later in the one half had Texas A&M up by 15 while the Aggies cruised from there, outscoring the Islanders 48-31 after halftime. Thank you for most of the good work you are doing on this blog. Apple is letting its virtual assistant Siri use applications created by other programs. As well as in February, we are going to reach see some top accessories from the UCL Round of 16. The conflict between Barcelona and PSG will definitely be an entertainer for a number of soccer followers from around the world.

#스포츠중계

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clairecrive · 3 years

Note

Hello beautiful person! Do you take requests which ask you to write a second chapter for your writings? If you do, may I ask a second chapter for "Rare"? And if you don't could you please let me know so I can be careful for another time when I ask a request?

I hope this is not something that disturbes or irritates you. I love your writing, it is beautiful and sometimes I read your pieces over and over again. 😁

Thanks for blessing us with your writing. Have a nice day.💕

A/n: First of all anon, thank you so very much for your sweet words! They mean the world to me <3 Also, your request could never irritate me! I love them and I love the fact that you consider me half a decent writer enough to send me your thoughts <3 I'm sorry it took me so long to get around this but I hope you like this and are still around to read it x

I've decided to pair it with a request for juicy time with Eddie. there's no actual smut but it's suggestive let's say.

Warnings: bit of angst, fluff,

Word count: 2.4K

Tags: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @fandom--0verdose, @shadow-of-wonder, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner, @for-bebbanburg, @crazyclownchick ( fill in this form to be added to my taglist)

Part 1

TOM HARDY MASTERLIST

You weren't exactly new to heartbreak. You had been a teenager after all but your experience with adult relationships had not been that good either.

You knew that you'd be over Eddie even if it may take you some time. It's true that you had only been dating for a few months but you had really grown attached to him. It was one of the things you hated about yourself: the way you got attached way too soon, way too much.

Especially, in this case, seeing as Eddie hadn't been 100% in it in the beginning you had hoped that the more time you'd spend together, he'd see that you weren't so bad and that he'd grow to care for you. At least a little bit.

Turns out you were wrong.

As much as you hated being wrong, the thing that hurt you the most was that despite your best efforts, Eddie still didn't think you were enough for him. And how could you be when the benchmark was perfect Anne?

You stood no chance. You had been a fool for even trying. And now you were experiencing the burn for your foolishness.

This had happened often enough that you had developed a routine for dealing with heartbreak:

1) crying your heart out and indulging your sadness with whatever helped (mostly comfort food and Friends)

2) enough with indulging, it was time to pick yourself up. No more overeating although you still allowed yourself to cry if you felt like it

3) "I don't need him anyway" phase where you'd make a mental list of how your life was before and after whoever you had broken up with to remind you that they weren't as important as you made them out to be

4)"put yourself out there again" phase where you started going out again with the intention of meeting new people or simply having a good time.

As of this time, you were in phase 3. You noticed that there were some of Eddie's things littering around your apartment. So, you picked up a box and collected them with the intention of returning them to him, effectively closing this chapter. As you did, you made that aforementioned list. This time, with the added reason for your break up, it was a bit easier to remind you why breaking up had been the right decision.

When your hands closed on your favourite hoodie of his though, you couldn't help the pang in your heart as a flood of memories hit you.

You and Eddie doing a Friends marathon every Friday night.

Eddie giving this hoodie when you were sick because he knew how much you liked it.

Eddie taking the hoodie off for a whole other reason almost ripping it...

No.

Shaking your head, you pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand.

Enough of that. It was over.

It was only a week later that you finally got the time to come around Eddie's apartment. Sure, you could have called him, he could have come himself to pick them up or you could have dropped them at his job but that would have required you to call him. And recalling how that went last time you tried to reach him you decided you'd spare yourself the humiliation of him not ghosting you again.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened your shoulders and knocked on his door.

"Y/n." You were met with a dishevelled Eddie.

He looked like shit but what's new with him. He also looked very surprised to see you at his door and you also couldn't blame it for that. You would have reacted the same way if the roles were reversed.

"Hi, Eddie," you hated your treacherous voice that wobbled when you spoke. Clearing your voice, you tried again.

"Sorry to come here unannounced. I've found some of your stuff in my apartment and I thought you'd like to have them back." You explained as you handed him the box, his eyes taking it in for the first time.

"Oh," he paused as he considered your words. Was that disappointment in his voice? "Thank you, y/n. You shouldn't have." He smiled weakly as he took the box from you, your fingers touching briefly.

"It's not a problem, Eddie. I was just passing by anyway." You and Eddie actually lived far from each other. The truth is that there was no reason for you to be in this part of town if it wasn't for him. Eddie knew that but he was kind enough not to point that out.

He just nodded, accepting your words as he held the box close to his chest.

You awkwardly stared at each other for a while, you didn't know what to say but neither of you wanted to end this exchange quite yet. When you felt that you had been standing like a fool in front of your ex's door, you went to leave but Eddie beat you to it.

"So how have you been?" Your first reaction was to scoff at this attempt of small talk. Neither of you was very good at it. And truthfully, it was rich coming from someone who had not made any effort to keep in contact with you even before your breakup.

The scroll of your shoulders was the only answer Eddie got. You weren't in the mood to pretend nor did you want him to know how you were still suffering for him.

"I should ask that to you." You reverted the question to him. He really didn't look well.

"yeah, it's been a rough couple of weeks," he confessed scratching the back of his head.

"That, I don't find it hard to believe," you hummed as your eyes took him in, really took him in since you knocked at his door. You could also see behind him that his apartment was a mess.

"Yeah, don't have to worry about me though. I'm fine."

"Of course." You nodded at his dismissal, remembering harshly the situation you were in."Well, I'm going to go now. Take care." Cold but still polite you turn around, ready to put this -Eddie and this exchange- behind you.

"Y/n, wait!" he called when you were about to climb down the staircase. "Do you want to have a drink or something?" Stay for a while? he meant but didn't dare to say.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Eddie." You called over your shoulder, hand still on the railing.

"Please, I owe you an explanation." You didn't know if it was the desperate note in his voice or the fact that he really looked like shit but you turned around almost convinced.

"Don't you think it's too late for that, Eddie?"

"Maybe it won't change anything between us but you deserve to know." You knew Eddie and you knew how much he cared about transparency and honesty. This may not mean that you were going to get back together but he was right, you deserved an explanation.

"Okay," you agreed as you walked back and then into his apartment. Eddie closed the door behind him and set the box he was still holding down behind the coat hanger.

The sneak peek you had before was definitely right: Eddie's apartment was even messier than usual.

"Why does it look like a tornado hit your home?" You couldnìt help but point out. You knew Eddie wasn't that bothered by tidiness but this too much even by his standards.

"That would be my fault," a new voice answered you.

At first, you didn't register the difference in tone or accent even though you should have had because Eddieìs voice wasnìt that low or raspy. But then a black tendril entered your vision field catching your attention making you turning your head to better inspect it.

What.the.fuck??

"Eddie?" You asked perplexed, eyes fixed on this thing? even if you were addressing Eddie.

"Y/n meet Venom, Venom meet y/n." He gestured awkwardly with his hands.

"It's so nice to meet you, Eddie's always thinking about you, you know? It's a bit annoying." this time the voice didn't come from a tendril but a face. A fucking alien face with long sharp teeth and wide white eyes.

His words went straight over your head. How the fuck was this true? What were you even seeing? Did this thing come from Eddie's body??

"Fuck, I know I'm heartbroken but now I'm even seeing things?"

"Y/n," Eddie tried to get your attention. You thought you had only thought that but apparently, you had spoken the words. "You're not seeing things, this is part of the explanation I owe you."

"I think it's better if you sit," he said motioning to his couch when you did nothing but stare at Venom. Prompting by Eddie though, you sat down and listened as he spoke.

He told you everything. About Carton Drake about his project with aliens, about Venom and their rather troubled relationship. He even explained how Anne had got involved and how she and Danny had helped him.

It was definitely a lot to take in. But somehow, the thought that he could be lying to you never crossed your mind. The proof was right in front of you, wasn't it? Venom, as he had introduced himself, stood next to Eddie while he spoke. It had never spoken again and you were inwardly thankful for that. That he was giving you space to digest all of this.

"Why didn't you tell me when you came around that day, Eddie?" You asked once you thought you had wrapped your head around it.

"I didn't want you to drag you into this mess," he said with a shrug, head cast down he didn't meet your eyes.

You didn't know how you felt about all of this yet but you nodded anyway. Well, there was nothing you could do anymore, could you? He had already taken care of everything on his own and it wasn't like you had any right to worry about him anymore.

"Thank you for explaining, Eddie. I appreciate your honesty." Did this change anything for you?

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough of if Anne meant more to me than you did. That's not true but I didn't know how to tell you that without telling you what was happening." He nervously fiddled with his fingers without meeting your eyes.

You could see his point now that you knew what happened. Still, it hurt you that he decided to just keep you out of it without a word. He could have at least told you that something was going on, that he didn't or couldn't tell you anything - not right now. You would have understood and given him space. Did he really act like this to keep you safe or was it a way to dismiss you?

"I don't know if this changes things, Eddie. You still turned up to her when a major life-threatening event happened. I think this tells me everything that I need to know." You point out after a while, eyes fixed on the end of your shoes.

"She has been involved from the moment we broke up, Y/n. Hell, this was the reason we broke up in the first place." Eddie's head snapped up at your words. He looked surprised at your words like he couldn't believe that you thought Anne's involvement had been something he had actively sought out.

"That may as well be true, Eddie but still, you didn't tell me even after everything settled down. If I hadn't come around to give you your stuff I still would be none the wiser."

"I was afraid, y/n. How could I come back to you after how much I had hurt you? 'Sorry if I went m.i.a. for a while, I was infected with a parasite who knows permanently with me?' Come on, y/n, I wouldn't take me back either." Now upset, Eddie started to gesticulate frantically to prove his point. His eyes flickered between yours, he leaned toward you, his hands a touch away from yours as if he wanted to touch you but was preventing himself from doing so.

"I'm not saying I would have believed you straight away but still- aliens are way better than self-loathing you know?" You scoff at him- why was he so upset? He wasn't the one who had been beating himself up since that fight for being a worthless piece of shit, was he?

"I know I've never done a good job at showing you but I do care about you. Deeply." Almost as if he couldn't bear to not be touching you any longer, Eddie now reached for your hands. His hold on them tightening as he spoke the words.

You looked at him for a moment. Aside from that fight, your relationship with him had been good. The start wasn't promising, seeing as he was still taken by Anne but Eddie had treated you good. He was attentive and caring in his own way. Looking back to it now, you realized that the period where you started feeling him pulling back from you was the time when this whole alien thing had started.

But now you had settled this, right? So, could this mean...

"If I give you one more chance to show you," you spoke tentatively, enthralled by the twinkle in his eyes, "do you promise me to be fully transparent with me this time around?"

"What? Why would you do that?" He looked shocked but his eyes were hopeful.

"Are you trying to talk me out of it, Eddie?" You challenged him, arching an eyebrow.

"Like hell I am." He scoffed, a smile on his lips. "Nono, of course I do. I swear, y/n. You'll never feel like you don't matter to me again."

"Good." You gave him a small smile at the gobsmacked expression on his face. Oh, Eddie...

He does nothing but stares at you for a while. Like he hadn't seen you in a while and now that you were in front of him, he wanted to commit to his memory every little detail of your face.

"So," you said after a while, "do you plan to stare at me or would you like to get a head start on your promise?" you provoke him with a suggestive tone.

Eddie's mouth fell a little at that, Venom said something to him but you didn't understand him. Shaking his head, Eddie smirks at you.

"I would like nothing more." And with that, Eddie's lips are on yours making up for the lost time.

#eddie brock #eddie brock x reader #eddie brock x you #eddie brock one shot #eddie brock imagines #eddie brock imagine #eddie brock angst #eddie brock smut #venom #marvel #tom hardy x reader #tom hardy imagines #eddie brock fanfiction #eddie brock ff

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]

july writing update

Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.

But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️

excerpts under the cut!

general taglist ; ask to be + or - ; i only have one! ; @childhoodlovers @svpphicwrites @abiandwriting @kowlazovdi @avi-why @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @bijouxs @bookphobe @moonhungers @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @piyawrites @avakrahn @goose-books @finch-goes-write @ziyin @aphaimaniis @isherwoodj @laughtracksonata

I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.

revelations, revelations ;

Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!

(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)

There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.

life cycle of massive stars ;

Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)

In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.

And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)

Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.

This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days

nocturne for the holy ;

Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe

The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.

love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)

eulogy for our burnings ;

-looks away-

girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:

1991, UK.

2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.

Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns

Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic

There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too

Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)

The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol

And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!

#also i have LOTS to catch up on so if u tagged me in anything im gonna do a big queue of rb's soon!#promise im not ignoring anybody!#just barely functioning <3 #atlastracking #writing update #revelations revelations #life cycle of massive stars #nocturne for the holy #eulogy for our burnings

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scarawayfromfallingapart · 3 years

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but The (After)life of the Party is one of THOSE songs to me that’s like… to be cliche… a kick drum beating in my chest (again) like idk. This is one of those songs where I think they succeeded in writing it better than I’ve ever felt it but here I go trying to analyze it anyway… I realize I am taking your shtick @petewentzisblack1312 … but this song NEEDS to be analyzed and I am going to try and make you like it :) I have been lurking in ur asks as an anon for a couple weeks and I HAVe to say this off anon… I’m sorry to bother u. My greatest hits include my autotune does not equal bad/talentless rant and my Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) mini-analysis 🤪 but also I learn SO MUCH from ur blog I love it. Anyway!!! Analysis of this song:

Tw : mania, depression, anxiety, substance use

To me this song is about coming down from a manic episode, maybe not even necessarily transitioning right into depression but like. Just coming down from it and kinda seeing the world as it is again, and feeling that kind of mellowed out, where your body allows itself to feel tired again. The title makes it more obvious - he’s no longer the life of the party - it’s over, everyone’s gone home, but he’s still there trying in vain to carry it on.

“I’m a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart” is my FAVORITE line (hence my URL lol)… but the fact that this song opens with that and the narrator is oscillating between feeling 100% and feeling like they’re going to breakdown like THAT is what these transitions feel like to me (ok also I generally feel like this on a daily basis). But this line also gives you a hint of how well it is going… like he’s a stitch away from getting there - the cut hasn’t completely healed so he’s not getting there any time soon : but a scar away from falling apart - like a scar has already healed so it’s old hurt that is threatening to tear him apart —> “my old aches become new again”.

Then we get “blood cells pixelate” which I personally find hilarious since this song has been likened to the sims 3 soundtrack 💀 (I played the sims but I refused to have the music on so I have no idea cannot confirm or deny). Butttt this is obviously like a nod to everything being on film like even everything down to the blood coursing through his veins is made into an image, poster boys for your scene am I right? Also has to do with the scar/stitch - his breakdown is there for everyone to see, immortalized on magazine covers and interviews and E!News segments. But like only the blood cells, like no one gives a damn if he heals from this, thats not newsworthy. Eyes dilate (drugs and/or sex but maybe drugs Bc of the next line - full moon pills got him out on the street at night) butttt mania often comes with insomnia as we well know so. Maybe the pills are metaphorical idk

THEN the narrator becomes an observer - it’s no longer introspective, he’s watching someone else work the room, he’s cutting all ties to them loose, just sitting back and relaxing and watching and I always had this vision of Pete and/or patrick watching some girl flit around the room while he sat there with a lazy smile and drank a beer and leaned back in his chair. BUT on thinking on this more… I think- bear with me - maybe… just maybe… he’s watching himself outside of himself like some kind of dissociative thing (I personally experience that but it’s due to anxiety but it is common among just the general population so who knows) and it’s like you’re feeling that irritable high from the manic phase still and you’re trying to push through and just be part of this party right (or just part of life in general right, like the party is metaphorical IMO) and you separate form yourself in order to get through - your mind and body are not one. You have to watch yourself from the inside out, rely on muscle memory to get you through the party or your job or the tour or whatever it was in his case.

also tying back to I’m a stitch away - right like some part of you is cut in half and I’m a scar away - again, you were cut somewhere, something was severed, mind and body maybe… big brain hours (but also I’m probably reaching for that one)

Anyway then we have the “put love on hold” bc fuck if he’s ready for a relationship - he’s watching this girl desperate for stardom, maybe it’s the girl he’s watching work the room (if it’s not a dissociative thing, or maybe it’s both tbh). Her nose runs ruby red (cocaine is probably the cause I’m thinking, she’s doing lines at this party to be working the room). Death’s in a double bed (orgasms… nice one Pete) but really it’s a classic tale of a girl desperate for roles that she’s willing to sleep around to get there, she’s singing songs that could only catch the ear of other desperate people like her… but… Pete is writing THIS song and Patrick is singing it and they are just as desperate, right, like he’s helplessly watching someone enjoy a party and he’s verging on miserable (or he’s watching himself try to enjoy the party while he’s actually miserable) and they’re trying to catch our ears… we are the desperate… —> “I’m here to collect your hearts/it’s the only reason that I sing”

Then the bridge is where he starts to actually breakdown, the vocals get more intense and strained and chaotic, the sims 3 soundtrack music swells, and he repeats the beginning, reiterating that but adding on “kiss away young thrills and kills on the mouths of all of my friends” - to me he wants to take away all their joy and pain (kills could also = orgasm if u want to be nasty lol and tie it into the death in a double bed) and he wants to feel it for himself because right now he feels NOTHING like he’s right in the goddamn middle of feeling great and feeling like shit and again, to me that exemplifies the transition between mania and depression and we are back to square 1 (to me also thrills = mania and kills= depression but that’s just probably dumb lol).

Also he’s kissing it all away - it’s gentle, it’s loving, like brushing someone’s tears away, he’s not trying to be forceful about it, but he feels like HE should be experiencing all the highs and lows not his friends… or he doesn’t want his friends to suffer… both probably and the chorus is unhinged this time, patrick gives it his all, loses it, signifying hey wait, the narrator DID lose it… but then the song ends with the music coming off that swell, slowing down, relaxing, the narrator resignedly signing off “I’m a stitch away”… giving us maybe an etch of hope, that maybe his stitches healed after all and he did make it through (with hearts and wrists intact I am so corny sorry)

ANYWAY tldr I love this song and it means so much to me and like when I was 15 and found it the first time I was always like “why does this one hurt me so bad, like I don’t get it” but like. Now that I know what bipolar disorder is and that I suffer from it I understand lol. I don’t know if this is how Pete intended this idk I feel like I got some lines right but to ME this is what it feels like. Also it is v fun to play on the violin :)

#fall out boy #infinity on high #ioh #fob #the afterlife of the party #plz don’t think this is weird ://///: I have thoughts #I recently found out I have bipolar so I am rethinking everything tbh #my depressive phases tend to be wayyyy worse like to the point I completely isolate and push people away #so that watching from the outside feeling is what I feel like a lot #not to mention the dissociative feelings from my anxiety :))) fun times #I tend to just experience hypomania so I am aware I do not feel the full extent of how destructive those feelings can be #I am not trying to glorify mania in anyway believe me #this was very long I expect approximately no one to read this and maybe that’s for the best lmao

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