bart: okay guys rock paper scissors
kon: no we’re not doing that again
tim: what why it’s so easy
cassie: because somehow tim wins every time and we all know he’s cheating
tim: how can you cheat at—
cassie: doesn’t matter we need a new contest
kon: what about who can throw bart the farthest
tim: no
bart: i’m down
tim: i’ll just do it, it’s fine
cassie: wait no it’s not because you give beings like darkseid and klarion coal when no one asked you to and end up causing way bigger problems for us later.
cassie: plus you keep trying to upgrade all of santa’s tech with untested bat stuff. you almost blew up a house last time
kon: well i did it last year so i’m out
bart: last year you insisted on sliding down chimneys for authenticity and got stuck in at least 30 of them
tim: yeah and you purposely scared the shit all the kids who saw you
kon: they looked at me weird first! besides bart just started throwing presents through windows!
cassie: good lord we shouldn’t be in charge of this
bart: well maybe if santa was still here
tim: im not doing this again i swear, we’re all bad at this why don’t we just go together
cassie: remember how that turned out in ‘94? i’m pretty sure we traumatized a whole generation into thinking santa was gonna eat their souls
tim: fair point, what if we—
dick, looking at the santa suit and fake beard lying out, along with suspiciously hoof shaped prints on the carpet: uhhh what’s up kids
cassie: how long have you been standing there
dick: …longer than i think is safe for me
tim: we’re fighting over who gets to go to santacon
bart, unhelpfully: we totally didn’t kill santa
dick:
tim: it’s a super dedicated cosplay?
dick: wait SANTA’S REAL??
tim: …well i mean not anymore
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I think a real fun and neat part about all the speedsters in existence dealing with their powers glitching them into 5D incomprehensible planes filled with Eldritch Horrors and nightmares on the daily is that we get to see their reactions to that.
Wally, for example? He shoves that shit deep, deep down and tries to pretend it isn't happening. Denial all the way baby, let's go.
Ace and Avery? Play videogames and hope it goes away while you teeter on the verge of a panic attack.
Irey? Stare at the void and watch as it stares back.
Jai? Stare at the void and then get beat up by the void. Cry a little. The void stole your clothes, now what?
Barry? Depressive spiral. He's in his room now. He lives there. The door is locked.
Max? Spiritual enlightenment. Speaks to the Speedforce Buffalo
Bart? Unfazed. Doesn't even realize it's happening because this is just Tuesday for Bart. He's eating novelty pickles. Get on his level.
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I propose to you, the core four being poly but Tim is the last person to realise.
Dick, visiting Tim at the tower: Hey buddy! You got something you wanna tell me?
Tim, laying on the couch with his head in Kon's lap as he reads case files: No, why?
Wally:
Tim:
Wally: Why did my Uncle's Grandson just kiss you goodnight?
Tim: Don't shame him, he's adjusting to being in the past.
Diana: When did you and Cassie get together?
Tim, ever oblivious: Like, three years ago. You were there when we formed Young Just Us, weren't you?
Tim, venting to Stephanie: And like, that year was so hard because two of my best friends died! Weirdly enough, their deaths were way harder than like, anyone else's. I mean, I tried to clone Kon for some reason!
Stephanie: God, I can't believe we ever dated, you're so stupid.
Damian: Drake, I have been informed that it is customary to wish queer people a happy pride month.
Tim: I mean, yeah. Why you telling me though?
Damian: In order to repair our relationship, I did some research and according to Father, you are bisexual and polyamorous. Therefor, I wish you a happy pride.
Damian: Drake? Why does your face look more ugly than usual?
Tim, reevaluating his entire life: OH MY GOD-
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