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niningtori · 3 months

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to know him is to love him, and i do | chapter one: do you not love me? like at all?

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you

summary: you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?)

word count: 2.1k

notes: hi friends! ... r u mad at me? be honest (*´ｪ｀*) i'm sorry i've been gone for so long, but i've had the worst writer's block with my other story. i decided to just post this because i couldn't get the idea of toxic!beomgyu out of my head. don't worry, he will suffer. anyway, i hope you like it!! if not, please don't hurt my feelings i beg.

"i told you it was nothing. why are you freaking out?"

"she was fucking you with her eyes, beomgyu!" you exclaim in frustration.

"and that's my fault how?"

"it's not your fault, but i'm sick of you entertaining women, let alone your actual fucking ex, while i'm standing right next to you!" his ex is just another fish in the barrel, or at least that's what he says, but the thought that they were intimate together at one point still makes you feel sick. truthfully, your boyfriend is handsome, so you've spent the better part of the past 10 months warding off the women who circle him like vultures. you wouldn't mind as much as you do if he seemed at all interested in helping you do so, especially when faced with his ex that you suspect he still has feelings for, but he does not. quite the opposite, actually. it's like he thrives off of the attention and god it hurts.

"i'm not entertaining anybody. i told her i have a girlfriend now," he, well, you would say argues, but it's said so nonchalantly it doesn't warrant the term.

"a girlfriend you proceeded to ignore while she hung off of your shoulders and laughed all night! i just don't understand how you don't understand how much it hurts my feelings. i'm a human too! how would you feel if my ex, who was very clearly interested in me, hung around me right in front of you?" and it's like you're explaining empathy to a child.

"me? i wouldn't give a fuck because it's not that serious," he replies with a slightly irritated shake of his head.

it's always like this. always. you're always the one who cares more between the two of you. you were the one who asked him out in the first place. you were the one who initiated your first kiss. your first fight. hell, even your first reconciliation. you're not stupid, you know he doesn't feel quite the same way you do, but he has to feel something, right? otherwise, why would he say yes to you when he's rejected so many other women? your brain hurts trying to wrap your head around it all.

"you're missing the point! if you were me, you would—" you begin frustratedly, but you cut yourself off. "you know what? i don't even have the energy to explain this to you. i don't understand why i have to explain basic human emotion to you and i really don't understand why i have to beg and plead for you to care about how i feel!" you all but shriek.

"you don't have to do shit, just leave if you're that fucking unhappy," he spits out angrily, which is the first real emotion — besides mild annoyance — you've seen out of him this entire conversation. he gets impatient when you're like this, which usually results in you relenting, but not tonight. you're far too hurt to let go so easily.

"you're right! i am unhappy! i just — why don't you care that i'm unhappy? what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" you have a brave face on but you can feel your eyes getting hot and your voice trembling ever so slightly.

"you could try not being so damn needy, maybe that'd help."

your eyes redden even further and your lips unintentionally twist themselves into a sour frown. you hate it when he calls you needy because you do need a lot from him, it feels like. his time. his care. his attention and affection. yet you never seem to get it.

"do you not love me? like at all?" you ask. all of the venom in your tone has been sucked out mercilessly and you sound more helpless than angry.

"do you not realize how fucking crazy you sound?" he scoffs as if he can't fathom why you'd be upset. as if he's not watching you break down in real time.

"why won't you give me a straight answer?" you question, voice softer than it was before.

he does nothing but scowl and you know beomgyu well enough to know that he's avoiding your question. that's enough of an answer as it stands, really. he doesn't care. never has. probably never will.

"then why'd you even say yes to dating me?" you truly don't understand. you thought you were different. you thought he saw something in you he didn't see in his harem of other suitors, and trust that there were many.

"i dunno. i was just bored, i guess," he answers with a shrug and your world as you know it collapses. the man you love sees you as nothing more than a way to kill time. he's picking you up right now just to toss you away when the next shiny toy presents itself. and so far, you've let him drag you around because you love him. that's how much you love him. but looking at him now, at how unbothered he is, you wonder if you've even got anything left to give.

"i really do love you," you manage to squeeze out with a bitter smile. your poor heart is on display for the naked eye to see and it seems like he really couldn't care less, but that won't stop you from asking. "does that mean anything at all to you?"

"well, i'm sorry you feel that way," he says simply, "but that's not my fucking problem."

your heart sinks to your stomach and you feel like you're going to throw up. in this moment, as you watch the love of your life dismiss you like you're a fucking dog begging for scraps of food, you feel an overwhelming sense of clarity as you realize he doesn't love you. he doesn't even like you. he probably hates you, actually. like a mental montage, every moment in which he showed you that exact sentiment plays all at once in your head.

all those times you let him choose everything from movies to dinner because the idea of a compromise was inconceivable. all of those occasions, special and otherwise, where you were supposed to go out on a date, but he'd bail without a word and you'd forgive him with no apology. when you'd offer him your share of dessert because he ate all of his and you knew he wanted more, and he'd take it without so much as a thank you. how you'd sit and listen to him tell stories about how amazing his friends were, but he'd never even ask about your day. when those same friends would jokingly call you the perfect girlfriend and you thought it was an indication of how good your relationship was, but in reality, it was a way to tease him because the thought of actually being with you was so abhorrent and ridiculous that it must be a joke. all those times you told him you loved him and he'd just smile and kiss you deeper. memories like these flood your brain with a vengeance so cruel it makes your head ache, and in a way, you realize it's ridiculous to be surprised when there was so much proof of his feelings in the first place.

"oh. okay," you say with what you hope is a soft and unbothered laugh, but comes out more as a choked one. "i guess there's nothing left to say. i'll get my shit and go."

you hesitate for a few excruciatingly awkward moments before collecting yourself enough to start gathering your things, which are scattered haphazardly around his apartment from his bedroom to his bathroom. it's like a walk of shame, almost, and you feel even shittier when he plops down on the couch with a long suffering sigh as he begins to massage the bridge of his nose. you feel so small in this moment — like a petulant child who just got done throwing an unsuccessful tantrum — and you're now soaking in the sobering aftermath and sitting with the thought that he just watched you have a meltdown like he was watching a monkey putting on a show. how much more is he going to humiliate you? enough is enough, you think, so before you can actually finish collecting all of your belongings, you're scurrying out of the apartment. before you go, you glance back at him one last time. "beomgyu?" you ask tentatively, tears clouding your eyes.

"yeah?" he replies with a sigh. this is it, you think.

"i don't want to see you ever again," you say firmly. before he can reply, if he ever intended to in the first place, you slam the door.

there's a lot to love about beomgyu. for one, he's handsome, which is obvious, but he has a certain allure you could never help but be drawn in by. he's always been a charming man, but even more so when he's talking to a woman he's interested in. as interested as he could be, that is. he's funny and comically pompous when he wants to be, but still somehow down to earth despite it all.

he's been described as a mood-maker, and while he grew to resent that term, you thought it was at least partially true, if only in the context of your relationship. when he's sad, you're devastated. when he's happy, you're over the fucking moon. his feelings are your whole world. or were, you guess, since all that's over now.

it wasn't all bad all the time, you think. there were times where you thought he really might reciprocate even a fraction of what you felt for him, and most of the time, that was enough. you could work with that. love looks different for everyone, you would reason. maybe he just had a funny way of showing it.

there were days where you'd laugh together and end the night lying in each other's arms while you'd cradle him like he was the most precious thing in the whole world because, to you, he really was. he was normally so boisterous when with his friends, but while he would never admit it to anyone else, he'd tell you about some of his insecurities while you gently combed your fingers through his long, silky hair. he'd speak of regrets and longing for people to take him more seriously. he'd never say it, but he wanted people to see you like you saw him. the real him. you'd let him cry while your hands cupped his cheeks and you'd shush him while he fiddled mindlessly with your hair like a child. you'd kiss his the tip of his reddened nose until he laughed instead of cried. times like those, you'd really think you were someone special to him. but now you realize you were wrong. you were just an outlet for him, and anyone willing to be an emotional dumping ground would do the trick too.

after a few weeks of moping, your sadness has begun to morph into anger and resentment. you spent nearly a year of your life trying to make an emotionally stunted man care about you, and that's not even counting the years of pining over him before you finally worked up the courage to ask him out. it was difficult to see it in the moment, but after being away from him for so long, it's crystal clear that he was honestly just an asshole who didn't really like you. nothing more, nothing less. maybe he'd find someone to change for someday, maybe he'd even work things out with his ex, but for whatever reason, you weren't her. that's just the way it goes, you guess. what really bothers you are the "what if's" of the situation. what if you were prettier, or smarter, or kinder. would he have seen you for who you really are? would he have grown to appreciate you if you had given him more to appreciate?

either way, there's no use crying over spilled milk now. you won't be going back to him any time soon and he certainly won't come crawling back to you. you'll continue to think of him less and less until your time together fades into a distant (and unpleasant) memory. you smile at the thought.

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dootznbootz · 4 months

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Menelaus rambles a lot about not only Helen, but also Hermione. About how she used to say Olive like "Olifs". How she lost her first tooth running too fast and running into a low branch while out with Helen. How he'd sometimes wake up to Hermione leaning over him and poking his face to say, "Dad, can we go see the horses?" even though it was barely daylight. How she was much nicer waking Helen and how he thinks Hermione did that on purpose because she found "dad's face funny". How her favorite color was every color.

And Odysseus listens.

And he thinks about how his son only had a few teeth coming in when he left, teething on everything. How he could only say one syllable with his babbles. How his son needed balance to stand but Odysseus was so proud that Telemachus was very good at rolling over. How his son loved pulling at his and Penelope's hair.

How his son would be talking, walking, maybe even lost his first tooth by now. And he doesn't even know if he'll ever know his son's favorite color.

#Hi get sad with me :D #Odysseus and Menelaus are the Bros™ to me. I love them. Both simps who love their family despite being different in personalities #You cannot tell me they didn't talk about this and how this was painful for both of them :')#To make myself feel better. I like the thought of Athena kind of keeping him up to date :'D as he's her pet you know?#okay so this next bit ain't angst but imagine Hermione just coming in staring in the dark with the classic:#“Mom. Dad. I frew up🥺”#scaring the shit outta both her poor parents. Yeah I know she had nurses with her most likely but it's cute and fun!!!#I'm sorry but that's so fucking funny to me. I think every Parent has experienced that I'm pretty sure.#odysseus #menelaus #tagamemnon #greek mythology #this'll probably flop but oh well xD My homies can get sad with me >:)#odyssey #the odyssey #telemachus #hermione #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #helen of sparta #penelope #odypen

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silverwhittlingknife · 1 month

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OKAY SO i have been rereading dustorange's wonderful post here about Dick in an UtRH-esque scenario where he dies & then comes back to life

AND I HAVE INCOHERENT BRAINSTORMING THOUGHTS:

so first, i think Robin!Dick would be just as hurt by the discovery that Bruce has a new Robin, and brood about it - but i think the shame of having died would stop him from confronting Bruce about it the way Nightwing!Dick does in canon.

and I do NOT think that he would expect Bruce to kill anyone for him (or even be upset that he doesn't? I just don't think this would be a consideration for Dick. he's gonna be fixated on "I failed." so he'll be upset about being replaced but not about the lack of revenge. and if Bruce did take revenge, i think he'd actually feel angry and betrayed about that because it'd feel like the choice was taken away from him, a la how upset he gets when he thinks Bruce has arranged to have Zucco killed - even if he intellectually knows that Bruce wasn't deliberately undermining himbecause he didn't know Dick was gonna come back to life.)

anyway so what WOULD he do??

what comes to mind is something along the lines of "Dick obsessively keeps an eye on Batman & Robin even while telling himself that he's not"

and then - say - if it's Robin!Tim (i feel like this has to be Tim because in the world where Dick dies there is no way that Bruce is voluntarily picking a new Robin), then maybe the moment when Dick steps in is when Bruce is in danger & he's furious / critical of Tim for not protecting Bruce well enough

and i feel like that's how he'd channel the hurt feelings - it'd all be deflected under shame and obligation, and then translated into the anger of "you replaced me & yet you're failing to do the job that you're supposed to do" (which is actually about projection/self-hatred because Dick would actually be mad at himself for having died & not doing that job anymore)

and Dick wouldn't want to see Bruce at all because of the shame over dying & subconscious fear that Bruce doesn't want him back, plus every little thing that Tim does differently would drive him NUTS because it implies that maybe the way Dick did things wasn't good enough for Bruce

i'm actually kind of fascinated by this now. because i am me and i have (1) obsession i am mostly invested in the dick & tim side of it sdfsdfds

so i'm picturing Tim very stung by whatever critical things Dick said to him & tracking this mysterious vigilante down, and then Dick doesn't want to spend ANY time with him BUT he's also subconsciously desperate for news of Bruce!!! so then something something Dick starts sorta training him a la Tim's various contacts with edgy non-batman-aligned vigilantes, and Tim's very defensive about how he IS a good robin so THERE but of course he's also defensive because he's secretly worried he's not good enough.

normally i would have tim Recognize dick since recognizing dick is tim's most basic skill HOWEVER i think it would be much more fun if tim doesn't recognize him so he can give dick a speech about legacy & the first robin: "i do x and such because that's how the first robin did it so it is Objectively Correct." which Dick will find incredibly infuriating but will be unable to counter since he cannot counter with 'the 1st robin was ME'

…hmmm i do think Dick ought to be angry about SOMETHING about batman's methods/attitude just because that's more dynamic? I feel like in order to make the adaptation work, there ought to be SOME kind of argument with Bruce right before he dies that he can still be mad about, a la the garzonas fight for Jason and Bruce. unsure what though?

okay let's see: I feel like Dick's main arguments with Bruce aren't about vigilante issues per se so much as they're about working in a team - so e.g.

1) Bruce being controlling/demanding, and 2) Bruce being secretive and doing stuff behind Dick's back, and 3) Bruce not allowing Dick enough autonomy, 4) just generally a perceived lack of trust.

SO maybe whatever The Frustrating Thing that bruce was doing when dick died is a thing he's STILL doing with this new robin, and dick is getting frustrated all over again sorta on tim's behalf but mostly on his own behalf because he never got to resolve this with bruce

but anyway that way when Bruce finally spots disguised!Dick, then they can have the fight again before Bruce realizes who he is <3

#extremely good ideas / extremely bad ideas #there should be utrh!dick + robin!tim fics. i've decided now #sorry jason fans i love you i don't know where he is in this scenario #maybe uhhh he moved to metropolis. i don't know #anyway i do NOT believe dick would ever ever ever take on the Red Hood identity in a million years though #jason's got a whole 'i confront my worst fear via becoming it' thing going on #but i feel like dick's angst would be more about Me & Bruce rather than directed at the joker or any particular enemy #so no Red Hood #he does need a new costume though so i'm picturing him in the Renegade costume from the mob arc

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ilukavee · 7 months

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Mundane life

#genshin impact #artists on tumblr #aether #comics #genshin comic #xiao #xiao genshin #xiaoaether #this looks to me more like a painful memory #LMAO ((((NOT ANGST)))) I SWEAR #I love them in this event they're so tender #also found a new fav tone brush <3 #i'm sorry but aether's hand just cracks me up #i might have been sleep-deprived

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queen-of-hawkins-why-ler · 16 days

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Me every time I remember that just because Mike and Will are going to be together, that doesn't automatically mean that Mike will no longer struggle with internalized homophobia and that one of his biggest conflicts in life will probably be that he hates himself for feeling guilty about loving Will, because Will is the most precious thing in his life but he still can't love him with a 100% clear conscious and no concern about what his dad or outsiders think.

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robonoba-zorbo · 4 months

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fellas are we seeing the vision? (I'm very sorry)

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taradactylus · 2 years

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I love to draw angst holy crap-

ALSO YEAAAH ONCE AGAIN BLOOD N STUFF IM SORRY

Broppy fans henlooo? I gotta enter trolls fandom from this platform as well xDD

So yes.... Why did I make this again? I have no clue, I was in all lovey dovey mood almost the entire day because there is a wonderful sunshine lighting and brightening my day and heart up😭💞

Yet Im drawing angst... Damn Im weird

#trolls #trollstopia #broppy #trolls fanart #ttbgo #trolls poppy #trolls branch #poppy #branch #angst #I love angst I'm so sorry

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1pcii · 6 months

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my fave alabasta shipping dynamics is pre-established zolu playing matchmaker (how successful they are? eehhhh) for pining namivivi

#this is 100% a flip on that one fanfic script of 'pre-established background lesbian pairing playing matchmaker to the main #'disaster gays' mlm pairing'. that so commonly clogs up the wlw pairings ship tags (<- has experienced the horrors of homestuck ao3)#but also I do think it fits the respective ship dynamics better because zolu is SUCH a comfortable QPR/bfs pairing while namivivi are a #dramatic. angst filled star crossed lovers/'in love and war'. bittersweet pairing #also the potential zoro and nami dynamic aaaa #I love those two so much. he would be SOO annoying about her predicament and she would rack up his dept SOOO much XP #psii.txt #text #god I wish I could write fanfic sometimes #not that I'm expecting anyone to. but if you want 👁️👁️. if you WANT 👀#this is open for anyone to pick up and do what you wish just PLEASEEEE tag me. please 🙏#namivivi #zolu #<- also in character for me to crosstag the side pairing to clog up the tag btw. its for the bit ok m sorry XP

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creakincreek · 8 months

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Sick days.

CAS belongs to @somerandomdudelmao :D

#Currently sick so I am projecting #also sorry I angsted the wholesome #I'm sure Mikey loves having his family take care of him- but he definitely feels bad about it sometimes #cass apocalypse series #cass fanart tag #rottmnt #tmnt #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #save rottmnt #my art #live laugh love CAS #Donnie just wishes his lil brother didn't have to suffer #being sick is not fun

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scrumptiousassbtch · 10 months

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That Butler, Defeated

#sebaciel #黒執事 #Im so sorry #i think I've been consuming too much angst #I'm team eat ciel but somehow I want to explore the possibility that his soul will be reap by Undertaker #why do I feel like the last tag has a lot of grammatical error #English is not my first language sorry folks #also please dont come at me #love lots

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keischreiber · 4 months

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Thinking about how Reiner's decision-making as a leader is influenced by a need to a) fulfill a mission; and b) for the sake of someone else.

So when it comes to making decisions that are solely from himself he's lost and unsure of what to do, because his mind spirals back to how those decisions will affect the people around him.

You tell him that it's fine to be scared; but he needs to take the first step of truly deciding things for himself.

He understand you, but it doesn't make it easier.

"You can hold my hand until you feel it's safe enough to let go. And even if you do, I'll be behind you to push you up when you feel like you'll fall back."

That's what you promise him.

He is overwhelmed with emotion; never having felt this kind of support. It was different from they type of support he received. Different from his mother's who had expectations for him beyond himself, different from the military who had expectations for him to be the perfect warrior, different from Zeke who had expectations for him to remember that his failure was the reason everything happened in the first place, different from his friends whose expectations of him were slowly being rebuilt after the shared experiences of both loss and gain, different from the kids whose expectations were for him to be the role model that could be followed...

You didn't have any other expectations of him other than for him to be himself.

And that was what scared him. What if who he was, who he REALLY was, was something irredeemable... with damage too broken and shattered to be fixed. Once he puts down his mask of being a soldier... of being a warrior... of being the Armor... what the hell was he left with other than the child who he had chosen to cast away for the sake of what his mission needed?

"I... can you—"

He was struggling to say what he wanted. Not knowing where to start and fearing how it would end.

"I want you to stay by my side." He blurted it out. Selfishly. Greedily. As firm as he can be, letting his heart and every fiber of his being bleed out the last remnants of courage that he could muster.

His expression's filled with guilt and apprehension. What was he going to put you through? He knew it won't be easy being with him. But he wanted you there.

It was his first big decisions that he made solely for himself.

And that decision was to have you in his life.

#◆ musings.#reiner braun #reiner #reiner x reader #reainer x y/n #reiner x oc #reiner x everyone who loves him #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #I have been so dead for the past few days #I have inbox things I need to respond to #I'm so sorry I'm so slow #so please have this #a little bit of angst from me to you

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v4mpgutz · 6 months

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Seven, Ethan Landry [ DRABBLE ]

— soft, non-gf ethan bc i love him sm i will give him the world

non-ghostface ethan landry x fem reader

warnings ! — hurt/comfort, angst (oopsie), implied child neglect, brief richie mention (mf is a whole warning himself idk)

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ethan landry who knocks on your door during the early hours of the morning. his eyes are red and swollen from crying, his cheeks blotchy and his lips all puffy and pouting.

hes crumbling, falling apart, right in front of you. he almost almost regrets knocking on your door when he sees your surprised face but all that doubt instantly washes away when you're wrapping him into a hug, your face tucked into his neck as you gently card a hand through his hair. he immediately begs to come inside and who are you to refuse?

ethan landry who pours his heart out as the two of you sit on your couch, a salt lamp on in the corner of the room that emits a soft, orange light. seven by taylor swift is playing on your speaker at a low-ish volume. he's sobbing, his hands shaking as he splays his fingers out on his thighs. he's mumbling something about his father that is just barely coherent and it breaks your heart to see him this way.

"i wish he was proud of me", he tells you.

"i wish he loved me as much as he loved my brother — as much as he loved richie."

"i wish he listened when i told him things and came to my award ceremonys and watched me get my stem awards."

"i wish i was someone else, anybody else."

"i wish i wasn't anybody at all."

"your dad is always mad and that must be why, and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry"

he's sobbing harder when that line plays and you curse taylor swift and her depressingly relatable lyrics, shushing him softly and you pull him into a hug. he's coughing and spluttering and sniffling something awful but you don't mind. he needs a hug. he needs you.

ethan landry who is laying against your chest after crying, so quiet as he smells the faint scent of a cinnamon and vanilla candle from somewhere in your apartment. one hand is gently clutching at your shirt like a scared child, not wanting to let go.

his eyes are closing slowly before snapping open again, he's trying to avoid sleep like usual. he's scared that he'll be plagued by memories in his sleep — it happens almost every night. he hums to himself when he can feel your body shift underneath him.

ethan landry, who realises he doesn't have to be afraid. who realises he can sleep knowing he is safe from almost everything when he's in your arms — even his own mind.

i love him so much i'm going to puke violently !!!!!!! i'm sorry ethan community, but at least we gave him cuddles right? .... RIGHT?

#— river's sticky notes ✩˚｡⋆#i'm so sorry i swear i love him #wayne bailey deserves nothing in life #spotify #writers on tumblr #fanfic #x reader #scream #scream 6 #ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x female reader #angst with a happy ending #writerscommunity #fluff #angst #taylor swift #ts folklore

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