#i live for angst but. maybe? maybeee? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

svgvru · 7 months

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𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐓! since its NNN, im doing a fluffy or angsty event thingy. (i will be making a smutty fic on that). so...FLUFFVEMBER OR WHUMPVEMBER whatever the fuck you want to call it. regardless, there's gonna be one fic for every week, (maybe two if i'm feeling spicy) plus a fic on the last day of the month. but im not going to push myself this month. regardless, angst prompts and fluff prompts will be listed below (these will be used in the future).

just request a prompt (up to five) with any character thats in my fandoms list. here's the form to fill out!

𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙

1. "we can be sick together." 2. "your problems are my problems, okay!" 3. "i'm always here for you, i need you to know that." 4. "can we do that again? my eyes were closed." 5. "i love you." 6. "yes, i unfortunately love this idiot." 7. "your lucky you're cute." 8. "you and only you." 9. "oh? do i make you blush?" 10. "a hug . . . i want a hug." 11. "you don't need to do anything, i've got you . . . just say yes." 12. "you're everything to me." 13. "my place, is by your side." 14. "you're the only one who—the only one who's made me feel like . . . this." 15. "you're special. i can feel it." 16. "my heart yearns for you, and you only." 17. "if you can't find a reason to live, live for me." 18. "nah, your stuck with me." 19. "are you sure about this?" 20. "i have never been so sure about how i feel than now." 21. "it think i deserve a reward . . . maybeee a kiss?" 22. "do you want my jacket?" 23. "trust me, i can read you like a book." 24. "i've missed you." 25. "i am never leaving you, understand?!" 26. "just—just a little longer, please?" 27. "aren't you handsome? well, i mean your not handsome—wait no! i mean you are handsome! but i didn't mean it in a—well maybe i kinda did . . . just—! im gonna shut up . . . " 28. "the second you flashed that smile, i fell in love." 29. "you're my favorite . . . everything." 30. "i've got this, you rest." 31. "Just close your eyes . . . i promise you, it'll be all over soon." 32. "oh. oh." 33. "as much as i hate to say it! . . . i need you . . ." 34. "you're love is like a blanket . . . and fortunately i'm always cold." 35. "i will always choose you. whether it be over someone else, or the world. it will always be you."

𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗧

1. "i loved you . . . " 2. "you were everything to me . . . " 3. "i can't—i can't do this anymore." 4. "no, you're a widow (can be replaced with anything) who's taken her grieving too far." 5. "i guess i was too niave . . . " 6. "why did you make me fall for you?" 7. "nope . . . what i've fallen for is a lie." 8. "you don't get nor desreve a second chance!" 9. "guess i'm just the rebound . . . " 10. "you . . . turned me into this." 11. "i can't fight anymore . . . i wan't to lose this battle. please let me lose . . . " 12. "i wish you were gay . . . " 13. "i wish you were a girl." 14. "what if . . . what if i just let it kill me?" 15. "we aren't—good for each other . . . not anymore." 16. "you're not good enough for me." 17. "oh. oh." 18. "what are we if we aren't together?" 19. "i . . . I HATE YOU!" 20. "you lied to me . . . ?" 21. "my heart, my soul, my body . . . all of it to you. and you fucked (/fell for) someone else?!" 22. "you promised me . . . " 23. "im so sorry. im so so sorry!" 24. "i couldn't keep my promise . . . " 25. "please—please don't leave!" 26. "i never should've let you in." 27. "what makes you think you still have that privilege?" 28. "you can't leave and then demand something from me . . . " 29. "you broke me so devoid of care, threw me away like a toy . . . and you want me to welcome you back?" 30. "no . . . you lost me." 31. "oh? well where's that bitch?" 32. "you thought that wouldn't hurt me?" 33. "i . . . i hope they make you smile." 34. "no. this—is not who i fell in love with. you are no longer my husband/wife and i am no longer your husband/wife." 35. "give me my ring . . . you don't deserve to wear it."

more prompts are likely to be added! if there are requests, then i will update this post to have a masterlist! 2/5 SLOTS FILLED.

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dreamingonmyown · 2 years

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This just came to me and I need to write this somewhere:

Dreamsmp and Newsies connections

Overall plot of lmanburg has some similarities, group of young boys fighting a “revolution” against unfair treatment from people in charge. Fight battles and end up almost losing and having to give up but end up winning in the end. This next part is a bit of a reach cause it’s more pogtopia butttttt... needed to call in reinforcements to help out, other bad figure appears and has something against brunet leader.

idk what this is but to the two people who might actually read this what are you doing with your lives

ANYWAYS

Tommy: Race

- obvious

- loud

- talks too much

- blonde younger sibling

- impulsive

-annoys brunet older brother figure

- goes through a lot of angst (more in the fandom for Race but still)

Jack: Wilbur

- again pretty obvious

-leader

- brunet older brother figure

- annoyed by younger blond brother figure

- wants to start revolution against unfair treatment from person in charge

- has artistic talent (music/drawing)

- big dreamer but gets dreams sort of crushed

- lot a self blame and guilt

- under pressure do do dododo do

Crutchie: Tubbo

- everyone stereotypes them as sort of weak and sweet and not helpful but is actually a badass and really tough

- small

- Schlatt as Snyder angst when Tubbo/crutchie is arrested to refuge

- cares a lot about his brothers

-In revolution was very important character !! And during lmanburg arc sapnap, George, and Dream like burnt down two of his houses and chased him right?? Am I remembering this wrong—anyway underrated, portrayed wrong in fandoms, goes through a lot

Specs: Ranboo

- AND I LOST MY SHOE!! Has ranboo vibes don’t lie

- if this is the lmanburg revolution then it doesn’t really fit but I wanted to fit him in there

-tall??

- don’t got much else to say it’s been a while since I was in the newsies fandom

- I was gonna make specs Eret but the vibes are not there if anything I was going to put Eret as medda for the extraness but the betrayal part of the story line doesn’t really work unless Eret is Jack and I think Wilbur fits Jack way more anyway I’m not sure Eret sorry

Albert: Fundy

-redhead

-fiery

-funny

-jokes with Race/Tommy

- not really wilburs son in this case but that’s not really possible in this au

- I don’t got much else but I feel it works

Spot: Techno maybeee (or quackity off of vibe)

- for techno:

- strong

- flair for dramatics but at the same time bored

- has a relationship with Jack/Wilbur that seems sort of tense with history but brotherly idk

- high opinion of self

- is come to for help in revolution

- has resources??? idk

- doesn’t like people in charge abusing power

-for quackity:

- leader of own area

- small

- lots of anger in small person

- flair from dramatics

- also has relationship with Wilbur/Jack but doesn’t really connect them so prob techno fits

Morris and Oscar Delancey: George and Sapnap

- listen I read purely angst fanfics and this whole idea came to me because I realized the parallels between newsies and lmanburg revolution fanfics so

- followers of main person in charge

-pair

- strong (seen as threats, people to be scared of)

- Sapnap in particular—tends to be violent instead of talking through conflicts ??

Wiesel: Punz maybe??

- I’m like 98% sure punz was in the lmanburg revolution and killed Wilbur so I’m gonna say this works

- need another villain character

-bought with money and promise of power

-doesn’t do much and isn’t explored as a character in this story arc

- corrupt and likes money

- kinda just follows guy in charge

Pulitzer: Dream

- come on obvious

- not super like connection cause Dream isn’t an old man

- but like main villain guy who is unreasonably upset with this group going against him

- could just lower prices or give them their land and it would barely make a difference for them but no let’s be annoying and villainous bc we’re mean

- manipulative

- power obsessed

- yeah

Snyder: Schlatt

- oookay

- so initially I wanted Dream as Schlatt because I love c!discduo angst and I’ve read a lot of Race at the refuge stuff and Tommy exile stuff BUT for the sake of the story line Dream makes more sense for Pulitzer for the lmanburg revolution cause he’s a more principled villain whose not just like woah this man is just so evil like schlatt (tho c!dream is evil and I hate him—this is just purely the lmanburg revolution arc with a little bit of the pogtopia arc in there so bare with me)

- has a strange grudge and hatred from Jack/Wilbur—seems to be a history there— really wants them to suffer

- General angst provider around tubbo/crutchie

Katherine: Niki/Eret

- now this is where it gets unclear and I’m probably gonna stop because

- (like newsies) there aren’t as many women in the smp that were on the smp at the lmanburg time other than niki who joined after the events im using to make this

- Niki definitely probably fits the best but I don’t just want to like strong women character is strong women character ho ho which is not what this is but I’m finding it harder to make as many connections as others

-I was also thinking Eret due to the sort of betrayal piece of their characters although it’s not really betrayal on Kathrines part but the overall distrust

- also like brings common sense to the revolution and helps out jack/Wilbur write out stuff and organize revolution

- joined a bit later than rest but was crucial to events of revolution

- yeah I’m going with Eret now

Davey: ??

- I don’t have anyone in mind sorry

-in another au I would say Wilbur and Tommy as davey and Les but no

- Sam?? Like no doesn’t work idk

Les: ??

- see above don’t know my b

Romeo: quackity maybe??

- could be like quackity or something maybe but doesn’t really have characterization so I’m not sure I’m bored of writing this anyway

Medda: Puffy

-helpful sweet parental figure

- badass bitch love her

- why not

Not perfect and really fricking long for just a thought dump but the Tommy and Race comparison needed to be made.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk entitled “I have ADHD and would rather write an essay regarding the similarities of newsboy musical characters and Minecraft role play characters than do my homework” GOODNIGHT

#dream smp #newsies #newsies musical #tommyinnit #racetrack newsies #racetrack higgins #jack kelly #crutchie morris #tubbo dream smp

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mountainsluna · 4 years

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wanna be loved

request: “an angst with a fluff ending”

pairing: San x Seonghwa x Reader (female)

genre: angst + fluff

word count: 1.25k

✩ [author’s note] writing this hurt my heart sooo much, i’ve never really written angst before. poor babies just wanna be loved :<

✩ masterlist

✩ requests : check bio or masterlist ♡

“Babyyy, cuddles please.” San called as he walked through the door with Seonghwa behind him, making his way into your arms.

The tone of his voice letting you know he wasn’t feeling okay. In fact, every day this week was the same thing. His insecurities had him feeling down and with the comeback coming up, he was even more stressed. His days becoming routine. He’d wake up early, practice all day, come home late and get his cuddles. You didn’t complain as you loved giving San cuddles but since Seonghwa also came home at the same time as San everyday, his clinginess was leading your other boyfriend to feel neglected.

Seonghwa wasn’t the type to let things like that effect him. He knew you loved him just as much as San and he knew how clingy the smaller boy was, especially when he wasn’t feeling himself.

It was okay though, he could handle a little less attention as he knew San needed extra comfort. You two still had your mornings together as San always tended to sleep in a bit longer than you both. Sharing quiet, peaceful moments on the sofa or on the balcony of your apartment, talking about anything and everything. Or just sitting in comfortable silence, his hands grazing softly over any skin his fingers could reach.

However, being pre-comeback season, those mornings were being cut short. The boys would leave before you even woke up for work and return as you were getting ready for bed. But that was okay too, because you still had your one hour drama time with him before bed.

That was, until this week, your nightly routine of laying in Seonghwa’s arms as you two watched an episode of a drama while San played video games on his own, had also come to a halt. Lately, once San was in a comfortable position in your arms, he refused to get up, so Seonghwa would just go to bed on his own. He didn’t want to admit how badly it was effecting him, worried he’d hurt San’s feelings but, he needed you to know his feelings too.

He actually hadn’t realized how upset he was until one day that week when he accidentally snapped at San as they were walking home. They were both tired and exhausted from practicing for over 12 hours. Seonghwa was dying to have you to himself for a while even if it was just for 5 minutes, he needed to be held so bad.

San sighed loudly next to him as they walked, complaining about a part of their choreography that was giving him trouble, “I just can’t wait to lay with y/n I’m so tired.” Seonghwa felt all the heat in is body rush to his head.

“She has another boyfriend too, you know! So maybe back off a bit!” His words shocking them both, stopping the younger boy dead in his tracks. Seonghwa turned to him, regret written all over his face, he couldn’t believe he had just said that to San. “San I’m so, so sorry I didn’t mean-”

“Yes you did. And I deserved it.” San replied, his eyes never looking up from the sidewalk as he began to walk ahead of Seonghwa, feeling heart broken and not knowing what to say to him. If he was so upset, why hadn’t he brought it up to him sooner?? But he knew deep down that Seonghwa wasn’t the confrontational type and he felt bad for not catching onto his feelings sooner, not only was he your boyfriend, he was also Seonghwa’s. He never realized how much his selfish actions had been taking a toll on Seonghwa and the older boy had every right to be upset at him for hogging all your free time.

“San! San, wait please let me talk to you!” Seonghwa followed after him desperately, San’s gaze never shifting.

As they approached the apartment door Seonghwa grabbed San by the shoulders roughly, forcing him to face him. “What Hwa? What else do you have to say??” San asked, tears brimming in his eyes as he tried his hardest to hold them back.

“I want to say I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I should’ve talked to you sooner, I promise I never meant to hurt you. That’s what I was trying to avoid this whole time but it just made things worse…” His voice faltering a bit at the end, not being able to look San in the eyes anymore. All he wanted was to feel loved and make sure you and San felt loved too. His heart was too big for his chest and that’s what hurt him the most. San rushed into his arms, letting his tears fall silently as he held onto Seonghwa. “I love you so much, Sannie, I really do. Please forgive me.” Relief filling his body as he heard San’s muffled I love you too as he spoke into his chest.

Hearing the commotion from the living room, you opened the door slowly, revealing a sad looking Hwa and a sniffling San. “My babies, what’s going on?” You looked at them worriedly, moving to make room for them to enter, locking the door as they made their way to the sofa. Seonghwa explained to you what happened and how he had been feeling and you almost broke down crying yourself. You loved them both so much and although you did notice the distance between you and Seonghwa recently, it never dawned on you how sad he must have been feeling.

San excused himself to the bathroom to clean off his face and you went to sit in Seonghwa’s lap, holding him tighter than you ever had. “I’m so sorry, my love, you’re always so strong in front of us I forgot how much I needed to care for you too.” His arms wrapping around your midsection as he buried his face in your chest, already feeling so much better than he had all week. San returned, sitting next to you both, his hands in his lap, not wanting to interrupt.

“I see the food’s ready, I’ll go set the table and you two can join after-” Seonghwa pulled him by his shoulder, closing the gap between you three. You moved your legs so that they were on both San and Seonghwa’s laps.

“We can all eat together in a minute and then maybe we can watch a show before bed.” You suggested, one hand stroking Seonghwa’s hair, the other caressing San’s arm that was holding onto your legs. They both agreed softly, you three lingering in each other’s embraces for a bit before getting up.

Once you all were done clearing off the table, Seonghwa made his way to the living room, getting your drama ready as he laid against the armrest of the sofa. You joined him in his arms, your back laying against his chest, just how you two used to be. San was about to head to the bedroom when he heard you and Seonghwa calling after him. “Baby? Are you not going to join us?” You asked him.

“I…is that okay?” He watched Seonghwa’s expression as he spoke.

“Of course, baby boy.” Seonghwa reassured him and he practically dove into your arms nearly falling off the sofa as you giggled at his eagerness.

The amount of love and happiness you all felt for each other was enough to last lifetimes.

“Not that I don’t absolutely love this but maybeee we should move to the bedroom.”

#ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #atiny #poly!ateez #polyteez #sanhwa #choi san #san #seonghwa #park seonghwa #hongjoong #yeosang #mingi #yunho #wooyoung #jongho #request

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msookyspooky · 3 years

Note

Chapter 11 spoilers for Sequels Suck

This review is so late 😭 all I gotta say is working at FedEx AIN'T SHIT. Working 5 days a week and having to get up at 5 in the morning HAS ME SICK. Anywayssss Chapter 11 had me at the beginning...Very peeved 🤐 Randy STILL DOESN'T BELIEVE US? EVEN THO WE WERE ATTACKED BY SOMEONE IN A GHOSTFACE COSTUME?! COME ON MAN. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES BUDDY CAUSE THIS IS REAL 😭😭😂

We immediately started blaming ourself at the hospital, which we all predicted would happen, but something that stuck out to me before Mickey got coffee was him questioning WHY Derek would go into the house without a weapon. Like I said before, I've been wary of Derek since day one lmaooo I DO NOT want this man near us 😭 however, last time I was like okayyy MAYBE he just wants to protect us, right? But that was a big MAYBE in my mind bc there was still stuff in previous chapters that always made me sus and once again, right after finishing ch 10 I was like maybeee he was just being reckless, but why would he sacrifice himself for someone he barely knows? UNLESS he's trying to play the hero to get us to trust him more and therefore allowing him to get closer just for the sake of his plan. Mickey being like "Why would he go back into that house anyways?" just got me more suspicious lmao However, Mickey saying that made me sus of HIM TOO bc who's to say Mickey isn't trying to use Derek as a scapegoat? Trying to plant a seed of doubt in our mind?

Either way, Derek is sketchy and altho he's super cute looking I just can't trust him 😭 Randy thinking it's weird he went back into the house makes sense since his jealousy could be clouding his judgement lmao but at the same time if Randy THE horror fanatic thinks Derek is sus, I think we should keep our guard up. I still can't believe he didn't believe us about Stu 🙃 we don't have physical proof and that's the problem. Maybe we should start carrying a camera everywhere just to, BY SOME MIRACLE, get a pic of at least one of them. The proof would be irrefutable unless the pic wasn't clear enough. Maybe try to get their voice on audio too 🤡

Atleast it was revealed in ch 11 that the boys survived their stab wounds bc of the hospital. But like Randy brought up, how the hell did they escape the hospital? Why are they killing random college students? How many people have they killed just to survive? There are too many questions for Randy to actually believe us. The scene with Derek was really sad even if I don't trust him 😫 Derek asking us if we wanted him to beat Billy's ass had me like plz do 😂 telling him he needed to stay away had me grateful and sad bc it's bc of our sociopathic boys we can't live a normal life 😭

The scene of the cafe had me like awww 😍 this story has me simping hard for Meeks 🥴 AND I'M NOT READY FOR US TO LOSE HIM. I'll always be Billy and Stu's girl but Randy's got me feeling things 😏😂😂 Even Dewey could see he liked us and the fact that Randy called us attractive? I SCREAMED. Dewey's like "Mhm. Attractive?" Randy - " I have eyes Dewey." I lost it 😫 likeee yesss ofc were hot asf. And when Randy admitted he didn't know what he'd do if he lost us? AHHHHH I'M DONE 🤣 and Billy calling us had me shaking. The fuck you want man 🙄 I might DEEP DOWN wanna skip the angst and just makeout with you while you pick my 5'0 ass up but that doesn't mean you're still not James 2.0 🤡 Idc what the stab movie says, I ain't moaning in your ear until you stop killing our besties 😂 You ain't SHIT and we deserve better even if deep down we still love you and Stu.

Sorry to hear about ur job being tiresome; I could imagine! Especially with the holidays and everyone ordering everything online rn 🥴🎁 My father gets up at 5 and freaking hates it I haven't had to do that crap in years and I'm glad cause I'm too much of a night owl 😴. Here's to hoping you get a great few days off soon to rest up for the Holidays! ❤

Ikr? YN is fed up with Ray acting like we're all just seeing shit. Come on! But if I was in Randy's shoes; I'd be leery too w/o proof (Denial.)

Fr Billy and Stu are selfish assholes that are like that little kid that doesn't know how to handle his crush and being hurt she rejected him so he's a lil mean shithead about it. 🙄

Lolol I'm glad you're guessing...You're warm on a few guesses but we'll see! I'm writing plot as we go bc I only know the ending and even that is changeable

#i love and appreciate these reviews thank you anon!!!!

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harrynightingales · 3 years

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Straight male writer: 6 years is nothing to an immortal! Their relationship needs ANGST to be interesting!! Me: am I supposed to believe that these two men, who have been together for almost a millennium, who KNOW that any death could be their last because their immortality isn’t guaranteed, wouldn’t speak for SIX YEARS??? (If the unspeakable happened during that time period the survivor would never forgive himself!)

i'm with you anon!!! i actually have a lot of rambly thoughts on this and now feel enabled to share them because hey, you started it! under the cut because this is long as hell

edit: just as a heads up i read this as anon referring to the writer of the ttt3 moon landing story who to be fair i don't know if he is straight, or just as a general ~straight man writer~ perspective

first of all hard agree that the idea of angst = complex and interesting is really frustrating. i say that as someone who definitely can and does enjoy angsty miscommunication based fic but it definitely strikes me as something a) quite rare for them and b) not at all required for an interesting story. there are so many potential experiences for the anthology writers to explore that focusing on conflict all the time seems. uncreative.

anyways the 6 years comment has been fully disregarded by me. in general i have the approach of picking the canon/word of god comments that i like and ignoring the rest. specifically, it strikes me as the type of thought a writer would have when first writing about immortals, the whole idea that years pass like its nothing because they live so long. i imagine the writer was guilty of the same thing that grucka himself admitted to, of picking something that sounded cool because it was ~possible with immortal characters (in grucka's case, randomly picking 6000 as an age for andy) without actually thinking through the implications and whether it makes sense.

because as i mentioned in my reply (which i assume you saw?), the human experience of fighting with someone you love and not speaking to them fucking sucks. it feels good and satisfying for all of what? a day? and beyond that you just miss that person, especially when they are so intertwined with your every day life the way joe and nicky are. and exactly like you said, why on earth would they willingly put themselves through that when we canonically know how much they value and love each other?? because the way i see it you can fully disagree with someone and be angry with them but still make it clear that you love them by communicating. and the silent treatment is truly just the absence of any sort of communication and i can't imagine a scenario where an argument would be so very important to justify that level of anger to avoid any communication for more than a few days.

to be clear the actual events of the comic are not the main concern for me. i do think the philosophical differences between joe and nicky that are highlighted are interesting and would naturally bring some tension. i even can kind of understand the choice to go silent on each other - joe really eloquently explains his point to andy, but maybe he hadn't quite figured out his own thought process enough to explain it at the time of the original argument with nicky. and the hill i will die on re: joe/nicky's relationship is that it is built on respect, i imagine they would be emotionally mature enough to not lash out in anger and potentially say something hurtful that they can't take back. so choosing to remove themselves from the situation and not speak so as to not make things worse makes sense, as an initial reaction. where it loses me personally is that you can see that both ~activities if you can call them that are really important to joe and nicky. for joe, seeing the moon landing and appreciating beauty and progress in the world, and for nicky, serving justice to more people that caused innocent people harm (the "more" very consciously there because joe obviously also believes in their work and stopping injustice, but in this case they have different priorities past a certain baseline). and going back to my idea as respect as foundational for them, part of that in a relationship is recognizing that what is important and of value to your partner becomes important to you, even if you don't fully understand it. the way that joe so earnestly talked about wanting to experience the beauty of the moon landing and wanting to experience it with nicky makes me believe that nicky would reconsider his priorities, especially taking into account the "once in a lifetime" nature of watching the first the moon landing vs simply the convenience of having the hitlist targets all at home. and similarly, even if joe isn't fully convinced that everyone on nicky's hitlist needs to get taken out, he would recognize how and why that is important to nicky and not allow it to be something that comes between them, because like i said earlier fighting for justice is something they have in common. so in my mind the most in-character ideal response would be "argument of what to do next after taking out the serial killer -> both explain their positions and why that is their priority -> COMPROMISE".

but ANYWAYS that huge ramble aside, the main plot "fight" of their's is not such a big deal to me, especially since its clear that joe knows nicky will call and its implied that he does shortly after the event of the comics. if anything, as others have said, it just seems FAR better suited for early days in their relationship rather than multiple centuries into it when they would have PLENTY of opportunity to iron out their moral approaches to killing plus gone through Communication In Relationships 101.

it really is just the 6 years comment that grinds my gears. again, a 6 year silent treatment argument could maybeee make sense in like, the first century of their relationship, as they were figuring stuff out and also before they discovered the fact that they can lose their immortality. like you said anon, once they have that information, i truly cannot believe they would willingly waste that much time over something that can't have been all that consequential. and i really don’t understand the argument that “because they’re immortal time doesn’t mean the same thing to them and 6 years is nothing!!” because imo that’s just.. not how the brain works. like they are fully human and process emotions as humans, and the human way is that conflict/anger/stress feel BAD, especially when you’re in the middle of it. your emotions are heightened which would put you on edge and feeling irritable and the brain is absolutely NOT meant to be in that state for an extended period of time. and again, why would they put themselves through that when they could just?? do the grown up thing and have a conversation. what would be the motivation to experience those shitty feelings for 6 years when an alternative exists?? not to mention greg's comment that the two of them had never willingly spent time apart, and even if they were still (indirectly) interacting while not speaking, the emotional distance it would require to be physically next to someone and disregard them like that for MULTIPLE YEARS runs really contrary to the way the relationship is presented.

that being said i do find this post super funny and i definitely can imagine them going through the motions of "negative" relationship experiences (can you say jealousy and lorenzo???) entirely for the sexual payoff. but again, to take it kinda seriously, even that in my mind would be based on a foundation of understanding that they do love each other and they're not really REALLY mad at each other, just

p.s. i wrote almost this whole thing in a daze about 24 hours ago and then i saw this post which makes a lot of the same points as me so hopefully this isn’t repetitive and i’m sorry op i promise i wasn’t stealing your ideas. nice to be on the same page as others though!

#not tagging bc i don't want this in the tags #i'll do it later i promise

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tomhollandisabae · 4 years

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hey can you do 64 65 and 92??maybeee a sad story??😭😭❣

064: "I miss you."

065: "Are you cheating on me?"

092: "Please never forget me."

Summary: After a long time not having see your boyfriend, Tom, you decided to go at his house without knowimgwhat to expect.

warings: very angst, mistakes here and there

Masterlist Prompts

•

Forever- Tom Holland x Reader

You and Tom had been dating for at least a year now. Right now he was away filming Uncharted while you were still in London waiting for him. You had missed him a lot so you decided to call him. You pressed his contact on your phone and let it call the love of your life.

The thing was that he never picked up his phone. Not even once and you had been calling him for the past few hours.

Though he had left a voicemail for you like five hours ago with a simple "I miss you." And that's all.

However you didn't give up and decide to go st his home. You had not particularly reason, you just wanted to be in somewhere that had to do with him.

When you reached there, you noticed that a car was in his driveway. His car! What the hell? You thought. Ohh... maybe he wanted to surpise you. It's okay though. You could be the one to surpise him now.

When you entered the house with the keys Tom had gave you, you heard weird noices from upstairs. You decided to call for him so he could come down to see you.

"Tom!! Tooommm!!" You yelled approaching the stairs.

He didn't answer though so you kept on walking. The noices where coming from his bedroom so you went there to see what was going on. When you entered his room you saw him pouting and shirtless. You shook your head while you went up to him to hig him. He didn't respond to your hug though.

"What's wrong?" You asked confused. After that you heard another noice from his closet. You immediately pushed him away.

"What the hell Tom!" You screamed.

"Y/N/N please leave. Baby, please! You can't be here." He cried.

"Why? So you can cheat on me more easily?" You yelled even more louder.

"What?" He asked.

"Are you cheating on me?" You said with a stern voice.

"What?! No! No! I would never do such thing to you." He said calmly.

"Then who is it in the closet?" You asked.

"T-Tessa..."

"I don't think Tessa is a man size dog." You fired back.

"Y/N please leave--" He was cut off by someone marching out of his closet. It was a huge man, very tall, strong body, with many tattoos and... he was holding a... gun.

"No!! Don't!!" Tom screamed while he tried to get in front of you before the man fired the pistol.

You felt a sharp pain through your belly and you saw blood rushing out of your body.

"No Y/N!!! No!!!" He yelled as the man left the house when he realized what he did.

You immediately fell one the ground while Tom emerged to catch you. You didn't know when this all happened. Once you were hapoily going to your boyfriends house and now you are about to leave this world... forever.

"Y/N please baby, look at me! Please, I love you Y/N!! I would never wish for something like that to happen to you. I never told you about them and I'm sorry. They once helped me out with a fight I got in at a club and then they wanted as pay back to do some dirty job for them, but I-I refused. I'm so so so sorry Y/N/N. I love you so much baby! Please don't leave me!! Please!!" He screamed while he was crying and holding you into his arms.

"I-it's o-oka-y..." You tried to say but you were so weak. It was the last time you would ever see this place, this country, these people and... Tom. Your love.

He will be devastated when you'll lsave him. He lives you so much. He will not, ever, forgive himself about that. He will live forever with this moment haunting his conscious.

"N-no baby... i-it's n-not o-kay... pl-please..." He sobbed with his head into your chest while his face was covered with blood. Your blood!

"Please never forget me." You said holping with your weak hand his cheek trying to give him a warm smile, but you failed. You couldn't stand watching him being like that and all because of you. But if course it wasn't your fault. It would never be. It just sas bad timing. Very bad timing.

"I will never forget you my love. I promise. You will be the one and only woman in my life. No one will take your place. You will always be in my heart. Forever! I love you." He said as he leaned down.

"I love you too..." You said before leaving this world forever with the feeling if his soft lips pressed lovingly upon yours.

He will be forever yours and you will be forever his.

***

Guys I'm crying si bad rn!!! This is so sad!!! Omggg!!! Anyways thank u for reading!!! Pls send me some requests!!!💞💞 Love ya xx💕💕💋

#peter parker #tom holland imagine #avangers #tom holland fic #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #spiderman #far from home #homecoming #marvel #tom holland angst

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the-hanged-lady · 4 years

Note

Maybeee Drita has some sort of flashback (fog moment?) and Natalia comforts her? Kind of as a parallel to the garden scene, yknow? (Wow look at me not asking for complete angst, what a shocker aksnsndn)

Drita is sat on the plain stone bench, tracing the soft petals of a rose in her lap. It’s not from her. But she picked it, held it, gently pricked her thumbs on the thorns to keep herself aware, so she wants to call it hers. She stares into the water of their lake. Her lake. Their lake. She doesn’t know. She has trouble owning things. The breeze brushes through her hair, growing longer everyday, and the chill it brings she is thankful for. Chill means she’s still feeling.

Soft steps behind her now. Once, perhaps, she would’ve been afraid, but she knows the steps of her lovers. Natalia slides into place next to her, cold skin pressing against Drita’s own. Natalia reaches over, plucking a petal from Drita’s rose. The rose. Drita’s rose. She doesn’t know. Maybe it was Natalia’s all along and Drita was just playing pretend.

She is brought out of her musings by Natalia gently placing the petal onto her nose. Drita merely blinks at it, before stutteringly moving up to bring it back down to the flower. Hers. No. Maybe it owns itself. Drita turns and looks up into Natalia’s eyes. She’s worried for her. Drita understands. She’s worried too. She’s. She’s worried too.

Tears bud inside of honey brown eyes, and Drita lets out a soft and shaking sob. She drops the flower as Natalia draws her into her strong embrace, pressing Drita’s face into her neck. She’s worried too. She’s worried too.

“You always used to ask me, my dove, how I could love a monster. I’ve-” She draws a shaky breath and it’s cold, and it’s sharp, and it’s everything the fog was and wasn’t and Drita is so very scared. “My love, I’ve always wanted to ask a similar question. How could you love a husk? A dead woman walking, living in a state of fog and apathy and fear.” She trembles in Natalia’s arms, arms that don’t move, arms she knows loves her to her core, every inch and imperfection.

She knows she is loved. Drita still just doesn’t quite know how. Natalia’s answer, it turns out, is very similar to her own.

“You are more than one trauma. You are my fierce starlight, звёздочка. The world could not take away your kindness, and heaven and hell knows it tried. I love you because you are you.”

Drita knows. Drita weeps all the same. (she was always her own. She was not a doll. And she no longer lived in fog, and it is all so beautiful and painful that she can do nothing but sob.)

#mmm trick or treat #:DD!! hope you like it lol #original writing

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millennialzadr · 5 years

Text

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

#in this trying time of shippers being stressed over discourse #i offer a gift<3 because i love you guys #and we should spread the love #i want yall to go OFF #tell me every little fuckin thing about zadr that makes ur heart doki OK #LETS GO 👏👏👏#invader zim #zadr #text post #my post #long post

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selfshippinglover · 3 years

Text

Main Timeline with Mark <3

So Actor and I are together in a few different ways depending on what route I’ve decided to go down. I wanted to go through the basics of my main and favorite timeline though! Naturally, it all starts with Who Killed Markiplier.....

~The trio (I.E. Actor, Wilford, and Damien) are all still childhood friends. I am also childhood friends with Damien.

~I meet Mark at a later date after being invited to one of Mark’s crazy mansion parties. Damien asks me to come as his plus one. Though I’m not to thrilled to be going to a big, crazy party full of strangers, I agree to try it. After all, the friends he’s always talking about will be there. It would be a good chance to meet them!

~I end up meeting Wilford, Celine, Ben, Chef, and then Actor

~We all end up becoming fast friends despite the everything about the party atmosphere. Whenever they’re not drink, I spend time getting to know them.

~Upon meeting Mark, two things are immediately clear: This guy is CLEARLY a narcissist......BUT he’s also very interesting? Like, I find myself gravitating towards him despite being off put by the first thing he says within earshot of me XD

~I realize over the course of the night that Mark and Celine are together. They hold hands, and kiss and cuddle

~Overall, the night goes well and we start hanging out in a bigger group! Annually meeting up and sharing laughs at Mark’s mansion

~During this time, i find myself catching feelings for Mark that I try to ignore. He’s not my type anyways.....

~At another party sometime later, Mark and the guys manage to talk me into getting drunk 1 time. Unfortunately me for me, that one time I confess my feelings to a stunned Mark and then pass out. I can’t recall a damn thing the next day and Mark doesn’t speak of it.

~He doesn’t forget it either, though

~He teases me on and off about having a “crush on him or something” but it’s just a game

~Eventually, Celine and Mark get married. I attend the wedding and do all i can to help things run smoothly while smiling in the face of heartbreak

~I attempt to date other people but I keep finding myself drawn back to the man I have no chances with internally *cue personal angst cause unrequiteedd*

~Things continue on as normal until the big break up err well, the reveal that Celine was cheating on Mark with Wilford

~The rift between all of us starts to grow between hurt feelings and fears

~Despite this, I choose to keep them all as friends. Sure I can’t talk about a certain someone with another someone but, at least we can staill talk!

~For awhile, that’s all I can do with Wilford and Celine while they build their new lives together. Just talk.

~Since Damien and I have been best friends the entire time, I catch him up to speed on what’s happened

~Damien admits to me that he’s kinda glad since he’s always thought that Mark wasn’t good enough for his sister.

~I feel hurt on Mark’s behalf just by his words

~Damien gets caught up in mayoral duties(and maybeee some gambliing) so I don’t get to talk with him for a little bit

~Then there’s handsome, aristocrastic, irratating and ravishing Mark

~Alone in his mansion, fallen into a depression that becomes fueled by neglect and alcohol

~I’m the only one that even reaches out to Mark during this period of time

~I keep my distance at first, Leaving my thoughts and feelings out of his affairs. I check in on him by talking with Ben

~But after Ben expresses worry over his master’s worsening condition and refusal of help(Plus he wasn’t answering any of my calls or letters) I decide to go to the mansion and check up on him.

~God he looks awful. It’s as if all his charisma, charm, and attitude had been sucked out of his body. Even his hair and outfit were unkempt. It seemed as if he’d been wearing the same clothes over and over too

~I end up staying with him in the mansion for a whole couple of months. He pours his heart out to me. I pour my heart out to him. I do everything I can to help him.

~I first start to hear inklings of the entity haunting the mansion now. Voices here and there. Maybe a weird shape in the peripheral?? It seems like just little missable coincidences

~An unfortunate side affect of being alone with the man you like is also feeling things a bit more than you’d like. The yearning increases 1000% dkhdf

~We grow closer and stronger together. He even tells me about the times he killed himself and the true nature of the house.

~The houses little pulls and such keep getting stronger. With the knowledge that the house has a conscious of it’s own in mind, I can take it better. Mark and I help one another to deal with the house and talk about our thoughts inn case it seems like we’re thinking a bit more out of character about things.

~After a few months, Mark seems to be getting back on his feet. Sometimes he can crack a joke, be an asshole, smirk, and be more like his old self.

~during these months, we spend many nights staying up together and just talking. About anything and everything. Celine, Damien, the stars, if life has meaning. On a night like that, around midnight, he finally tells me about the fact that I confessed to him. He chuckles, and flushes quietly, saying that it was, “the most sweet and thoughtful way he’d ever been described”

~I profusely apologize. He apologizes for not saying anything sooner and all is well. (Besides the pain in my chest at now truely having been rejected :.))

~Things continue on in this fashion. I basically become another house inhabitant. I still talk to Damine, Celine, and Wilford when I can. Ben and I cook food and chat and dance.

~Sure, Mark may not like me the same way I like him, but it was still great to even be with him and the other two in his mansion

~We share more cutesy, intimate moments together. (dancing in the living room, falling asleep to movies, etc.) and eventually, he starts to feel the same

~I notice him teasing me more often and being a little bit clingier? It’s strange but I’m not about to complain(God the increase in romantic tension is SO palpable that you can taste it sdjkk,hbkg)

~We can finally truely talk in the open about the whole break up without Mark bursting into tears now QwQ

~I officaially move into the mansion now

~All is well as things FINALLY seem to be getting better. Hell, he even wants to patch things up with the other three! Acknowleding that things will never be the same but wanting to try again nonetheless

~And then, slowly, things change for the better. We all heal and apologize and we can friends again! :.))

~I know that the house is cursed and no matter what bad stuff is supposed to go down but uhh, my canon now kdghfdf (Plus, when we die old and by one another’s side, we’ll go to the Upside Down instead of the other side) We spend our whole lives fighting the house tbh. So do Celine, Wilford, and Damien though. They kept coming back so that means their cursed as well dfhjdfsh

~So yeah, main timeline is literally ONLY pre Who Killed Markiplier shit because I FIRMLY believe that if mark hadn’t been left alone at his lowest point in a haunted fucking mansion, things would’ve been okay. After all, Mark confirmed that it was the house’s suggestions that got this all started. Sure, Actor was pissed and depressed before but only after the tampering and unable to die stuff did he choose revenge. At least that’s how I gathered it??

~In conclusion, make it better and avoid 3/4ths of the bad stuff fic world is where I usually live ,dhfshdf

#cicisays #Part of your Play #my s/i #lol LORE #If I think of more #i'll probs just add it here #but yeah!#main timeline events

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capriswritingnartshenanigans · 6 years

Text

Waiting

Thane Krios/Female Shepard. Angst. SFW. Plot twist, so maybeee... it doesn’t end so sadly. Catch it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14300934

Charisma Shepard is a strong woman. She survived hell after hell, but after the love of her life dies... She’s left to pick up the pieces.

Gift for @hushedmusic / @imaginesaroundtheworld

Charisma Shepard remembered a lot of things. She remembered her days living on the colony of Mindoir, believing herself safe and protected, only to have her entire life shattered. She remembered the batarians storming homes, slaughtering and capturing those she had known all her life, even the entire detail of her mother screaming for her to run, to get away, and then the blood blossoming onto her chest as bullets ripped through her fragile body. She could still hear the bullets whiz past her, hitting the trees and ground around her; her only saving grace had been her biotics reaction to her panic. She had fled into the wilderness, and had barely survived on impure water and foreign berries. Half-starved and delirious, she stumbled into a small squad of Alliance marines a week later. She nearly died in the hospital, but didn’t. She survived.

Rissa had thought her life would be better after she joined the Alliance, two years after her family was murdered. She wanted to help those who may find themselves in similar situations; she didn’t want the suffering she endured inflicted on anyone else. However, it seemed her ill-fortune followed her. Six years after her enlistment, in 2178, she was forced yet again as those she cared for died around her. While patrolling for possible slaver sightings on Akuze, the vehicle she and her unit were in was upturned. As they fled, she was forced to hear and watch her unit get torn to pieces. She remembered huddling against a rock bed, not sleeping as they screamed well into the night. She was the sole survivor. It was a few days before she was found; she survived on what rations she could bring over from the crushed vehicle with her biotics. She had nightmares of that for years after.

Rissa’s thoughts swirled to Virmire, and being forced to decide who lived… and who died. The choice between Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams, two of her most trusted companions. She remembered telling Ashley that she has to get Kaidan and Kirrahe, and how she promised to go back and find her, but she didn’t get that option. Before she could, Ashley blew the bomb, herself, and the facility to pieces. She remembered looking back through one of the Normandy’s windows at the rubble and smoke, her omnitool’s radio releasing loud static crackling through her ears.

Her memory swirled, shifted, to Saren, the council, the “end” of the war on the reapers. She remembered issuing the command to save the council at the cost of her own countrymen, and while she truly did feel horrible for doing so, she also knew having the council in her favor would help later on. She remembered asking Saren to stop, to fight Sovereign’s hold on him, but she saw it in his eyes that he couldn’t. Before she could say another word, he put his pistol to his head, and a resounding shot rang through the halls. She looked at his lifeless body, several feet below her, then watched in horror as he rose up, only it wasn’t him, but a cretin that wore his face. She sometimes woke up, many nights after the fact, with his face looming at her, his eyes crying for help but his body trying to kill her. The only solace she had after was Anderson being put on the council, and her hopes of him being able to keep things in better order.

As she lay there, in the darkness, more of her life flashed before her eyes. The Normandy, being attacked by Collectors, and her crewmen crying for help as the ship was blasted apart. She remembered Kaidan running up to her, pleading with her to come on, but she ordered him away, and went to find Joker. She lifted him as carefully but as firmly as she could, ignoring his complaints. After he was in the escape pod, she had went to prepare ejection but the Collectors’ second run sent her spiraling into space. She felt her lungs scream for air as her suit malfunctioned, the oxygen she desperately needed flushing out. She struggled, her hands clawing at her back as she sank quickly towards the surface of some insignificant planet. As she hit the surface, her bones crushed and she was somehow alive for moments after, as excruciating pain throbbed through her body.

Her next memories were on Ilium, in the Dantius Towers, hunting the drell “assassin”. She remembers watching as he suddenly slid out of the ceiling’s vent system, and quickly decimating Nassana and her forces. When he finally faced her, she felt a flair of… attraction? Towards him and his voice, but she pushed it away, and then tried to completely stamp it out at the news that he was dying. She was sick and tired of everyone leaving her, and for once, she didn’t want to suffer. She didn’t want to lose anyone else. Yet, her feelings had other ideas. As the broken drell opened up to her, she felt herself falling deeply for him. She cursed her feelings for a long time, pushing them away, but she hit a breaking point when his hand brushed hers while they were on shore leave. She felt the oddly smooth skin of the back of his hand touch hers, and he didn’t move away. Whether it be unfortunate or not, she poured her feelings out right then and there, in a corner of the docks. He had looked at her in astonishment, his forest green eyes widening and his brow ridges lifting exponentially. After a few moments, a small smile twitched his lips, and he said he had also felt something for her, but hadn’t known if she felt the same.

The next few months of her life had been happier than in a very long time. When on shore leave, she spent time with Thane and his son, Kolyat, helping them forge a new connection. While on board and in the thick of her mission, she clung to Thane for comfort. He was her first in many ways… Her first love, her first real relationship, her first “time”... When she told him this, she thought he’d push her away but he didn’t. It endeared her to him even further, if that was even possible at that point. He wove himself around her heart, and she did the same to him.

After the Collector base was taken down, she had one last night with him before she was “put on leave”. He told her he’d wait for her, and she knew he would; Thane would never lie to her and she knew that all the way into her soul. Even six months of no communication, he still welcomed her with open arms, and even promised her he’d keep an eye out for Kaidan. He asked her to keep going, because he knew she could save the world, and he would still be waiting after.

But after never came. Her heart still ached as it did when Kai Leng’s sword pierced through Thane’s abdomen, the sound of tearing clothing and his small gasp still hummed into her ears. She doesn’t want to remember him laying in that hospital bed, and the prayers… And him finally slipping away from her. He broke his promise. He wasn’t going to be waiting for her after all.

His death tore her apart on the inside. She cried for hours at night, cried herself to sleep. She flipped between brash anger and painful aching. Her chest hurt so much, she thought that would end her before the Reapers ever got the chance. His death, Mordin’s, it was too much. She lost one of her closest friends and the love of her life in barely any time at all. Yet, with all the pain she felt, she didn’t die. She kept going. He had believed in her, believed she’d win this war, and her body would go cold before she’d let him down. She fought her way, tooth and nail, and on the eve of battle, she finally rested. Her rest wasn’t what it should have been, though; she hosted her most trusted, most loved, the single light in her life’s funeral. She laid him to rest in the ocean after. She went all the way to his home to do it, with Kolyat and some of the hanar he’d known. After coming back, she watched vids he’d wanted sent to her, but never got through. She felt tears run down her face as she saw him speaking to her again, heard his voice. Wet sobs came to her throat, and it felt like she couldn’t breathe. She curled up on her bed, clutching a photo of him, as his vids replayed. She felt so broken and beat down, and honestly? She didn’t want to live without him. Not for a single second more.

The Citadel, now some reaper nesting ground. That child she had saw die at the beginning of this? Nothing more than their keeper. He gave her options on how to save the world, on how to bring peace. She stared at him, at the contraptions she couldn’t even begin to name, and finally, the swirling light in the dead center. She could end the warring between artificial life and biological, and… maybe she’d see Thane again. She went running forward, and threw herself into the light. She felt unbearable pain for a moment, as her body was ripped apart on a molecular level…

And now, she is in this darkness. She felt like she was being pulled down, forever, into a pit of nothing. Was this the afterlife? Being forced to sit inside your own head till you go crazy? To relive the best and worst moments of your life?

Rissa was suddenly jolted awake as her lungs filled with water. She opened her eyes in alarm, and swam up, out of the dark, clear depths. Her throat and lungs burned, her eyes tried to water-

She was up, and out, spluttering. There was a shore, distantly away from her. She swam to it, not understanding what was happening, until she came into sight of…

“Thane?!” She yelled, and his head snapped up, those eyes she knew so well widening. He was quickly on his feet, and running towards her in a simplistic robe and capris-like pants. The sun shone and glittered across his dark green and dim lime scales as he ran, and she had almost forgotten just how handsome he was.

“Siha! Is that you? I didn’t…” He pulled her from the water as her strength finally began to give out. He held her to him as they both began to sob into each other, his hands and arms gripping her tightly. She didn’t think she’d see him again, ever again, he was dead and lost…

“Th-Thane? Where… where are we?” He buried his face into her hair, and she more felt his response than heard it.

“I told you I would wait. I promised. I waited for you, I… prayed for you. I prayed for you to return to me, Siha. I didn’t… We…” He slowly pulled back, his hands still clinging to her back. She heard more voices, and as she looked to his left, she saw Mordin collecting seashells and Legion politely helping him, both talking in depth about them. She was home, with the people who needed her.

#shrios #fshrios #thane #thane krios #mass effect #angst #with a plot twist #so maybe not so angsty?#you'll have to see #gift

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